Welcome Back, Star Wars!

October 19, 2015577 Comments

The Force Awakens trailer has finally been released. So we melted some Star Wars toys.

Filed in: General UpdatesShort Films

  • Erwin

    Scientist man clearly loves acetone.

  • Palpatine

    Ah, the comments are going to fun tonight.

  • Black Tom Jones

    So very poignant and appropriate. We’re all excited….right?

  • instant relief

    That was one pretty awesome trailer. Gotta watch it again! <3

  • Niccageshair

    So who else thinks Luke may be the bad guy?

  • instant relief

    Really?

  • That was beautiful. Here’s to the onslaught of “It’s like poetry…” comments.

  • ima420r

    I hope so.

  • Niccageshair

    The trailer seemed to imply it, although there is that picture of him in the jedi robes out there. It would be like poetry so probably not.

  • ima420r

    Both fun and sad at the same time. I love it (and I hate it)!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Star Wars has character again

  • instant relief

    Luke’s too much of a fan favourite to do such a bold step. Because remember, J. J. doesn’t have exactly the biggest of balls.

  • instant relief

    I feel like I watched the Episode I teaser for the first time again back in ’99. Part of me likes that and part of me doesn’t.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    That was borderline experimental. Now, who wants to whip out their lightsabers and compare colors?

  • Niccageshair

    Mine has been out for the past 2 hours.

  • Jonah Falcon

    I could have sworn I saw a Bene Gesserit there.

  • Niccageshair

    I hear when he pitched it, the power of Disney saying yes made JJ’s balls grow three sizes that day.

  • Niccageshair

    A Dune crossover might put this into the trillion dollar opening weekend territory.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I thought the trailer was wonderful. I think Disney is smart enough now to realize that focusing too much story will disappoint people. By focusing on two main reasons the Prequel lacked and what the Originals excelled in: character and magic. First trailer felt like a great return. Second gave us some magic. This new one gave us what I and I am sure you all needed. We have characters we can relate to, characters we like. And the magic and fantasy elements of the Original Trilogy was there. The Prequels had none of this, therefore they were not Star Wars. This feels like Star Wars. I fucking love Star Wars. *grabs droid toy*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well Disney has to make the man children happy with all of those toys for them to buy.

  • Mike Magnum

    Am i the only one that thinks it’s stupid to buy Action Figures to a movie you haven’t seen. I bet those 20 to 30 something fan in 1999 who bought that 6 inch Jar Jar Binks Figure must have felt pretty embarrassed.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’re not. I have to buy into the characters people wanting to celebrate them.

  • Jonah Falcon

    Star Wars: The Acetone Unleashed.

  • Joe Syxpac

    So many toys.

    So little acetone.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    So, one character is a clone who defects from The Empire and the other one is pretty much Luke Skywalker. That’s about all I could get from the trailer. Oh, and explosions.

  • Jonah Falcon

    I heard Harrison Ford’s face is melting in the same way these days.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He ain’t a clone, Dustin Hoffman. Remember Disney knows no one likes The Prequels.

  • fred

    Not to worry, this explains everything AND MORE!!!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0Y1wwg16_w

  • Niccageshair

    If he is a clone, they did a terrible job.

  • Jones

    You’re going about this the wrong way. Just think of all the fun they had dousing Binks in lighter fluid and setting it afire.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Well, excuuuuuse me, princess. He’s a “stormtrooper” who changes sides.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Fandango crashed!

  • tjp77

    NERD RAGE SETTINGS TO MAXIMUM

  • Joe Syxpac

    For the last time, Mike, I ain’t selling you my Jar Jar Binks action figure!

  • Will Allman

    Did you hear about that guy who whacked off a Droid?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    That’s the same face I made when watching the trailer.

  • RLMkeepitup

    star wars will finally beat titanic george

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So I was going to buy tickets for me, my best friend, and my girlfriend but Fandango crashed because everyone had the same idea!

  • Niccageshair

    I’m just going to lock myself in a bunker for a week and wait till the storm dies down.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Someone got fired.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We’re gonna have to too.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Nah,

  • Niccageshair

    Wanna hunker in my bunker?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Nah me and Yvonne are fine

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And Rey is a scavenger who is attractive

  • Palpatine

    Man, things have been pretty calm here so far. But then again there’s always a calm before the storm.

  • Oc3anman

    They address the longevity of the clone army in one of the new books… In the Attack of the Clones, the cloners say that the clones are grown at an accelerated rate… I always took that to mean aged at an accelerated rate. In the Disney, Del Rey, canon novel “Lords of the Sith” (which is supposed to have taken place sometime betweenRevenge of the Sith and Star Wars) there is a mention that the Empire recruited (or conscripted (I can’t exactly remember anymore)) soldiers. One of the minor characters is an aging clone veteran. Anyway, all of those books are a lot of fun to read… Except Dark Disciple. Dark Disciple has no redeeming qualities. It’s awful.

  • Oc3anman

    Plus, who did they clone? Russel Wilson?

  • RLMkeepitup

    i suddenly picture you tapping your fingers together from the helm of the death star after sending out an SOS on the intercom

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We’re all in agreement that Star Wars feels like Star Wars again

  • LameSame

    I told you guys that last fucking episode of “Best of the Worst” was going to have Terrible Repercussions. They’re going to melt the whole fucking studio over there, and nobody in Milwaukee will even notice because everything sucks over there! Next we’ll have cats fucking dogs, Pre-Rec doing Half-Bag, and JAY given full reign to do more artsy, experimental films. As many as his heart desires! AND THERE’S CORROSIVE ACID INVOLVED. R.I.P. , R.L.M.

    YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

    P.S. Jay: huge fan of your personal artistic endeavors. Have fun melting everything.

  • Palpatine

    Well not all of us will, but that has yet to come.

  • Niccageshair

    If that’s the case all the rebels need to do is blitz and rest will take care of itself.

  • Niccageshair

    At this point it doesn’t matter anyway. December 19th will be the red letter day.(Pun intended)

  • Smegman

    It’s like poetry, it’s sort of, they rhyme

  • instant relief

    How many times have you watched the trailer so far? 😛

  • Palpatine

    De de de, da da da, de de de.
    De de de, da da da, de de de.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Three times. And I will never see it again.

  • instant relief

    Liar! 😉

  • Smegman

    So Han Solo and Leia are now like old Indiana Jones and old Marion.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m being serious here. Three times and never again.

  • YFNEF

    You guys are having entirely too much fun with that acetone.

  • Palpatine

    Acetone is one of the ingredients used for “The Dip” in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, just a little trivia for ya.

  • Max Wylde

    I really hope you guys don’t let any cynicism interfere with your judgment on this film. As justified as it is, and Lord knows we’re all traumatized by the Prequels, I’m hoping this will be like getting paroled after 15 years in prison with Jar Jar as a prison bitch, because anything’s an improvement over that. Still, if it sucks, I’ll be the first to name JJ Abrams “Jar-Jar Abrams.”

  • ooktar

    This is horrible and so unsafe. Clearly you guys learned nothing from Scientist Man.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    HAHHAHAHA! brilliant. now do star trek toys.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You mean not enough!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mike eats them, remember? No need for acetone.

  • Iggy Autry

    Do these guys dispose of dead bodies to supplement their redlettermedia income…? Anybody around Milwaukee to check the local news for missing people…?

  • hybridm0ments

    This is a nice dose of anti-spazz that I needed to get through tonight. I don’t think this film will be good, but I think it will have enough fan service and queues to make people jack off all over it. I really just don’t like any of the new characters and it doesn’t feel like a fairy tale anymore. Why is everything so shitty this far in the future? This makes the first films pointless. Shrug.

  • Bubs

    Still a more coherent story than The Phantom Menace. And better acting.

  • Palpatine

    Guys, I’m only saying this because I care, please don’t let another comment war break out. Respect each other’s opinions, and also keep the name calling to a minimum. Thanks.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    She is Space Furoisa.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Dad, we’re doing fine.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I had no intention of starting one…. till you said that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Daisy Ridley ain’t no Charlize Theron!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’re full of shit and vegemite! Dammit, Palpy!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Twilight has a more coherent story.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    The best part of this is a really had a vegemite sandwich for lunch.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    He was being tortured in the new trailer. presumably to turn him evil.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    Be good or else it’s time out corner for you.

  • Palpatine

    You psychopath!

  • Palpatine

    I don’t get that reference.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Really?

  • Palpatine

    Nope.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Has anyone used the “This is borderline experimental” meme yet?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Andy, this your job to explain.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    No way! Damn, I thought I’d be the chosen one.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Vegemiteis a food (That will be argued against) and i’m full of shit.
    it was a callback to me lying earlier.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They shouldn’t have dropped out scientist school.

  • Palpatine

    Well that clears things up.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And you come from a land down under. Where women glow and men plunder

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I went to Scientist School open day.
    They laughed at me and compared my brain in size to the Higgs Boson.
    So I called them nerds and gave them all a wedgie.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And Cunder too. it changes through the song.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Cant you just spank us?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yep

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    So is that time lapse of action figures in acetone?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Fuck you

  • Bongodoug

    i believe its pure gin

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No…. what the fuck did you just watch?

  • Percy Gryce

    I just watched the new trailer and I am less inclined to see the new movie than I was after the earlier trailers.

  • Cakefarts

    Debbie?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Fuck safe! It’s zcienze…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Can’t you hear the thunder?

  • Palpatine

    That’s it, I’m getting the soap!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I know. It feels unbalanced. but the X-wing diving on the tie fighter looked sooooo good.
    Even if this is as shit as the prequel’s story wise I think I could live with watching these beautifully rendered space ships blow up for two hours and change.

  • Percy Gryce

    “Just let it in.”

    OMG.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Your giving us a bath… this just got kinky.

  • Percy Gryce

    But can’t you get that from like a million Richevans-approved video games?

  • Palpatine

    Look young man, don’t you give me that smart mouth!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Seriously are you stalking me? there is a storm coming in. so yes.
    Pick another line from the song, this is like a creepy urban legend.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    So what would you like me to do… with my mouth….?

  • Palpatine

    Put a bar of soap in it as punishment!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I was more excited for the new Starwars:BattleFront.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s bile. Clear, transparent bile.

  • Palpatine

    That’s a job for your mother.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, the internet is really going: “Phantom Menace, we don’t need you anymore! We got JJ Abrams!”

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Well, I’m glad that the next Star Wars movie seems tonally correct. My cats tail got all puffy when I put the trailer on, so I don’t know what that means….

  • instant relief
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    OOOPS! I dropped the soap….
    could you pick it up for me.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So many droids are getting molested right as we are typing here.

  • Palpatine

    That means no wacky hi-jinks with a racist cartoon frog rabbit.

  • Bob Borries

    OMG, do you know what those were worth?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    She either didn’t like Darth Platypus or Chewbacca. I’ll play it again later and see

  • Palpatine

    No, but I’m sure Omitted will do it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I simultaneously felt Nostalgia, Manipulated and Amusement at the innuendo.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    They got it on film, they’re priceless now.

  • Palpatine

    Cats tend to be harsh critics.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It’s all a big fuckfest now…

  • Bob Borries

    OMG that 3 foot Darth, I gotta buy! and when I stand him in front of me, he comes up to my… Oh my! I can feel the force thrusting through me!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    What 2014 moulded minifigs? 2nd hand 10 cents each.

  • Yes sir. Turpentine, acetone and benzene: ink and paint solvents, so it’s basically thinner. Still a clever joke from a clever movie.

  • instant relief

    Maybe the movie is about how Shmi Skywalker got impregnated by the force.

  • Percy Gryce

    Ha, rape jokes–I love ’em!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And racists… fucking cats.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I would have gone with Shitfest. A Fuckfest sounds like fun.

  • Palpatine

    That’ll be interesting to see, considering I’m the one who got her pregnant.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    That stuff will melt mylar, which is what the cells are made of

  • ImpotentRage97

    No one can…

  • instant relief

    Fancy a steamboat hot dog, master jedi?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Fine I’ll go play with him then.

  • instant relief

    You were behind that, too?

    I mean… you were literally behind Shmi Skywalker?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well in order to see the film I had to pre order tickets to see it. This will be the biggest movie opening ever. Eat your CGI filled heart, Jurassic World!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Remember to pull out

  • Palpatine

    Maybe it’ll beat Titanic.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Opening or worldwide gross?

  • instant relief

    The new trailer clearly is inspired by the Rich Evans masturbation video.

  • Percy Gryce

    Nobody can.

  • Palpatine

    I think it’ll be the highest grossing film of all time.

  • Palpatine

    Except for the guy who directed it.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    People in the Star Wars universe suffer from short term memory, or the Force wipes everyone’s minds to its convenience. Happened between ep. III and ep. IV, and it seems to have happened again. It’s also true the whole thing takes place in a galaxy, so what happened in one side of the galaxy, doesn’t necessarily mean that planets on a different sector would know/be affected by such events.

    Whatever, not like I care. 🙂 I’m happy that Star Wars fans might be getting a decent movie after those last 3.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’re aiming way too high. Personally I think it will be a massive hit in the same Batman v Superman will be. The film(s) will break records but will never beat Titanic or Avatar. Nobody can.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I like Shmi, she is a genuine Star Wars character and a sexy Tatooine dweller. I would have courted Shmi had I been there…

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I hope BvS underperforms, badly.

  • Palpatine

    Jurassic World came pretty close. I attribute that to BDH’s boobs.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    A Rabbog, or Frabbit..?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s your heart talking not your brain.

  • Palpatine

    Goonga.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It will make a lot of money, but word-of-mouth will kill it fast, like every Zack Snyder movie before it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Titanic currently stands t 2.18 billion, Jurassic World has 1.66 billion. Six billion is a lot to earn.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Doesn’t that also apply to The Force Awakens? I don’t know WB is learning from the mistakes of Man of Steel.

  • Palpatine

    Maybe it’ll make $3,234,423,000.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein
  • Wizard Phoenix

    I believe an internet man said if The Force Awakens is great it break a billion dollars. Because of that that would mean the sequel will make more. Maybe that will be beat Avatar and Titanic.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Yeah like everyone’s going to forget the Jedi after only 60 years, with all of those fancy holographic computers spanning millenia

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Sounds fishy to me..

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I guess we will have to wait and see. Well, not me. I’m never watching that movie. Batman v Superman, I mean. Star Wars I might catch on tv someday.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    My cats not racist, she loves me..

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Ironically Avatar 2 is set underwater

  • Palpatine

    James Cameron works in mysterious ways.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    If the praise is good and if they top that awesome trailer than I will see it. I’m very interested but not sold on seeing the movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Maybe that’s why this movie takes place on planets different from those seen in the previous movies? Or that’s what I read. That could mean these new planets never saw a Jedi.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I’m playing Stick of Truth right now, so that is very relevant…bravo!

  • Palpatine

    Luke never heard of the Jedi or the Force until Obi-Wan told him.

  • Bubs

    They’re never going to beat Titanic. Nobody can.

  • hybridm0ments

    Why would anybody give a shit about those planets? Just make a separate movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well they were being hunted down and shunned by The Empire

  • Palpatine

    Too late, someone already made that joke.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Indeed, but they still have the universal Star Wars tech that brings news and info to the galaxy Jar-Jar away…..

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Because he was being sheltered by uncle Owen, but yes I see your point

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    My cats that same color but with white patches

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hey guys remember Captain America Civil War? Does anyone care about it anymore?

  • Palpatine

    Nope.

  • HeftyJo

    I believe it’s the distilled essence of Mike’s seething rage.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You see Disney, you focus too much on Star Wars no one cares about Marvel.

  • hybridm0ments

    You’re underestimating the power of Han Solo’s jowls.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    IF the empire wasn’t really toppled, I don’t know, then it’s plausible they control the media.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Still they would want their propaganda to reach even the most remote areas of the galaxy.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    No I respect her privacy.

  • hybridm0ments

    They are going to rip off Dark Empire and He’ll take down a At-At.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Yes, it blends!

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I’m glad. I really don’t like most of the Comic movies, Marvel, DC, or otherwise..

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I think the general hype for Marvel movies is gone. Now it’s Star Wars and DC movies that the general audiences is hyped for. Look at those trailer numbers on YouTube.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Gee, what a surprise..

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I think the cheesy Colonel guy is back too

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Leia’s figure got droopy boobs.

  • Commander X

    The footage near the end and the mention of scalpers reminds me of a fair number of “hobby” and/or shops that didn’t even bother ordering action figures that weren’t Diamond exclusive. Some stores may still do that, these days, maybe? I don’t know.

    They’d just stake out a retail store or have some sweetheart deal with a manager at a local joint and rather than buying the full case of figures and being stuck with the common undesirable figures, they’d just buy up all the “rare” ones and bring them back to the store to sell at marked up prices.

    I’d heard about this happening on both sides of the equation multiple times across multiple stores, and even been in a comic shop years ago (which was referred to by some as Toy Bastards) as a co-owner went on a loud, angry rant to someone on the phone about how that dumb cocksucker who was the new toy manager at the local Target didn’t understand how fucking business worked and he only let him buy two of each of the new tie in toys for the then current Planet of the Apes remake helmed by Burton and that guy was a fucking asshole who wasn’t going to last very fucking long at Target with a shitty fucking attitude like that, he was turning away SALES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I couldn’t help but notice he had the PoTA dolls already on display asking $45 each for them. A few days later I saw them sitting on the shelf at Target for $19.99.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I think thats more because she is trapped on a scrap planet and not necessarily educated to a galactic standard.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It’s simple dissolve them in acetone…

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Yes I see this.

  • Bubs

    They’re Never. Going. To Beat it.

    Nobody can.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Also its a lazy way to drop some exposition.

  • Just watched the trailer. I think it rhymes. Luke is gonna die, hence all the crying. I also think I heard Matt Sloane (Blame Society Films) do the voice for Not-Vader. Could it be his clone? Could they have gone the least creative route ever?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Yes I see this…

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Are you Will…iam Sh..atner?

    https://youtu.be/oRdxUFDoQe0

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And spam is ham in a tin.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Darth Platypus sounds like Dark Helmet.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I literally dont know what that is…. and dont care.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Green eggs and spam, I do not like them Sam I am..

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    No one wants to be defeated..

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I think they missed a cross-over opportunity to have Captain America fighting zombies with Abe Lincoln in the actual (or possibly ‘first’) civil war.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Time makes fools of us all.

  • This is exactly how I feel. Old Star Wars sucks. Bad light saber duels, no CGI special effects and a boring story about friendship and love. Let the old things burn!

  • Bruce Erickson

    G-E-N-I-U-S

  • Like Icare

    You will.

    I don’t know why I said that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I did. But I don’t care about Marvel films anymore. They’ll be good. And that’s it

  • James Earl Jones

    Or even melt in acetone.

  • Oc3anman

    I don’t know, man. I really like Guardians of the Galaxy but I haven’t seen Thor 2, Iron Man 3, Avengers 2, or Ant Man, and I really lack any conviction to do so… Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, maybe it’s because I never really got into the whole comic book scene, and maybe it’s my shameful disgust for pop-culture in general. I haven’t suffered a steeper loss of interest in a franchise since Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 or Transformers 2.

    I used to anticipate how terrible a movie was going to be before I saw it and drink accordingly. Then I paid $8 plus alcohol to see X-Men: First Class and passed out drunk during the previews and awoke just before the end credits. It was the worst first date I’ve ever been on.

  • James Earl Jones

    I don’t like Sam and its course.

  • Oc3anman

    I was in Disneyland last July. They’re supposedly changing the home of the future (enormous stadium-type tech-show) into a Marvel themed attraction. They’ve also reworked Star Tours and added multiple endings. When I thought to write you this information it seemed more relevant to the discussion than it does right now.

  • Oc3anman

    The best comic book movie I’ve ever seen is the Watchmen. I was completely unaware of the source material when it came out and I ended up seeing it several times at the theater. I was completely blown away by it’s originality. It was the freshest piece of cinema I’d seen in ages and remains on my shortlist of great movies.

  • Evertale

    Jay Jay is the key to all this… if we can get him to work… Space Cop might actually get finished.

  • Oc3anman

    OK if we’re going to argue the logic of the fiction, I submit to you this: The Empire would have heavily censored that kind of information!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You just wanted to see the fucking.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Does that have to do with Star Wars land?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Am I the only one surprised that Mike didnt drink the acetone?

  • Michael Collins

    They stole my childhood!

  • Michael Collins

    I definitely saw one of those^, which one I couldn’t say.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I just helped a person create a PayPal account… to buy pills to “grow 2-6 inches taller”, apparently. Should I feel bad? Oh, well…

    The trailer was pretty great; I loved the opening shot with Rey climbing around the ship wreckage. This shot looked kind of weird and un-Star Wars-y: http://i.imgur.com/0kKcUVq.jpg?1
    I guess it could be cool. It has a nice sense of wonder to it. It reminds me of Laputa: Castle In The Sky with the guardian robot. http://entropymag.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/4-laputa-robot.jpg

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Things I dont like about the force awakens.
    The stupid sword saber.
    the Baby Bait droid(thats how you say BB-8.)
    Deliberate emotional manipulation that feels manipulative.
    Vader worship.
    And the names…. fuck the names!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    If you got a cut of the money you should feel great.

  • instant relief

    I wish they would’ve continued the Rich Evans sex pervert story, by having him smear lube all over a Star Wars robot and then look at AIDS Moby and say “Ass to ass!”.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Dont call Jack that. He is Harry PotterMort.

  • instant relief

    Am I gonna get banned now? I’m sorry, but I always loved masturbating to Requiem for a Dream.

  • instant relief

    “Deliberate emotional manipulation that feels manipulative.” <<< That's every trailer these days. While I gotta admit I really liked the new trailer, I try to not get too hyped up about it, because "PREQUELS NEVER FORGET!"

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What money? Soon the guy will have no money because he just totally got scammed!

  • Oc3anman

    I don’t know. I was too busy shoving fistfuls of money into the hands of churro vendors to ask.

    In fact, I haven’t researched this “Star Wars Land” at all. I’ve only heard secondhand information that it will either be a new area in Disneyland (or another Disney park) or that it will be a brand new theme park. I think Either way it could be pretty cool.

    And now for an almost completely unrelated portion of this comment:

    There is a theme park(-ish) dedicated to the Flintstones near the Grand Canyon. I found it by accident on a trip to the Grand Canyon. I stopped and went to check it out and everything about it scared the hell out of me. The entire facility reeked of murder and I was averse to touching any of the props for fear that they were at that time, or at sometime before then, bathed in seminal fluid. The part I remember most clearly, aside form the teenage attendants too busy exploring their bodies to admit me and my party into the park, was the Bedrock Cinema. It was the second largest structure in the park. When you go into it, it’s very dark and just a little too rape friendly for my taste. In the center of this large, awful building is a 13 inch black and white rear projection TV that played Flintstones reruns. TRAVELERS BEWARE

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I will never forgive the death of my hopes that the prequels would live up to the originals….

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Thats why you should have taken a cut. before he is broke.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    But I only helped him find the card security number.

    Yes, yes. I will never be rich and successful at this rate.

  • Red Skeleton

    So… first you fuck Star Wars toys, then you melt the evidence in acid…. You people make me SICK!

  • Alex Lee

    :/ Do yourself a favor and read the original graphic novel.

  • Alex Lee

    Really, it’s going to do well no matter what, which is why I’m not excited to see it.

    “It’s going to be great.”
    “That’s going to be great.”

    Lucas and Spielberg.

  • Oc3anman

    I have read it! In an ill fated attempt to embrace the comic booking world I purchased the Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns. Both of which I quite enjoyed but failed to maintain an interest in comic books afterward.

  • Oc3anman

    Also I think it’s fair to mention that my second favorite comic book/ superhero movie is Superman III.

  • Alex Lee

    I don’t, but I wish he does.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agcc7w8YmHo

  • Earth

    Yay! Maybe the bubble has finally burst.

  • Earth

    Well…at least this new trailer actually told us something about the story for once.

  • Endocrom .

    Nooooo! the value! Won’t somebody think of the value!

  • Alex

    Are you saying those hacks are selling molten plastic next?
    Anybody checked the RLM store lately?

  • Alex

    “The Force Awakens” makes sense now.

  • Joe333

    You have to melt the toys and then mold them into a vagina before you can fuck them

  • Domo

    I think my husband worked at a Toys r Us as an overnight manager when the prequels came out. He used to take star wars cases and chuck them against walls so all the crazy prospectors didn’t camp out at his store.

    I guess dealing with little kids was more tolerable than the adults sometimes. What a crazy world we live in.

  • instant relief

    Same here. I was sooo hyped for Episode I. I watched the teaser and the trailer on a daily basis. I was THE Star Wars nerd.

  • TapewormBike

    I think that’s true in general. If I saw a kid crazy about Star Wars to the point of shakes, well, that’s being a kid. If you see an adult doing that, it’s still being a kid.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • WrongWithYourFace

    The difference is that the child usually has someone to keep them under control.

  • Jessica Horn

    I have been working on this for last two and half years and I am scoring 55-75 d0llar/hr … and 13k/week .. There are no special skills required just basic typing and an internet connection …. There are no time constraints. You may do this any time when you are free ….
    Check it what I’ve been doing……

    http://www.quickburn20takesteptowardsbrightf9988.blogspot.com
    jf

  • Drunk Superman

    Everyone either seems to be fanboying out or being ultra cynical. Am I the only one who expects this film to be just like JJ’s other sci-fi reboot? I’m expecting lense-flare, very fast action and random nods to canon to the point it doesn’t make sense. Basically a Star Wars-themed popcorn movie. I’ve already bet £10 that midichlorians will be indirectly mentioned and rebuffed by one of our heroes. I’m put off by the inevitable truth that a decent chunk of the film will be spent referencing classic Star Wars rather than trying to tell a new exciting story in the universe.

  • I used to have a Lando Calrissian figure. It didn’t look as bad as those. My brother had Chewie. http://jedibusiness.com/figureDetails.aspx?id=1207

  • I listened to his voice on normal speakers, he did sound like Chad Vader on a tablet.

  • I’d say “shut up, you’re drunk” but I agree. Pour him another one, Joe!

  • Paulus Nuns

    That’s the hardware store from the Grabowskis, you cheap fucks!

  • … and Feeding Frenzy… and a few other RLM films. What you don’t know is they really repurposed it as a toy shop dedicated entirely to Star Wars.

  • Does it really make sense that people don’t believe in Jedi knights and the force if there are obviously Sith Lords that rule the empire?

  • Domo

    It’s all propaganda, maggit! Don’t believe the hype! Avert your eyes and get back to work on the farm!

    Harvesting season is upon us and I need a working Protocol droid!

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    I’m not getting my New Hopes up. Get it? See what I did there?

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    thanks bitch

  • catoblepag .

    Well, I think it’ll be just as you described – in fact, I’m one of the few people who openly criticized the first trailer in the RLM forum, sayin’ it’ll just be a J.J. movie with many cynical, manipulative nods to the old fanbase. If you like J.J. movies, you’ll like this one too. On a personal note, I absolutely despise every single thing that Abrams directed, so… I’m not keepin’ my fingers crossed for this one.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    you need to dump that loser. hahaha

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    I used to melt them with fire. Acid looks so much better!

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    Whats “star wars”?

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    JJ’s star trek remakes suck. He had better not fuck me on this one too.

  • Ogrot

    The Empire needs it’s moisture. Moisture harvested from a desert planet for offworld export to be used as sewage water!

  • Domo

    I’m trying to figure out if this video is better or worse than “Horse Vomit.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJZa7NcjnBI

    It feels like a horse vomit video because AV Club is definitely not picking up this Star Wars video for a journalistic inquiry.

  • John Bigbootay

    I feel this video is surreal enough to make the New Years marathon cut this year.

  • John Bigbootay

    I remember when Star Wars movie posters were special. Now they’re completely devoid of design, composition and artistry. Strange to see things devolve over time.

  • tOmy`

    Okay, so it’s time to break down the Star Wars trailer:

    It looks like Star Wars but somehow doesn’t.

    Then there is a Star Wars logo that looks like a Star Wars logo. And hyperdrive that looks like hyperdrive.

  • tOmy`

    I for one think that Starkiller is a great name.

    Jesus, you can’t say it with straight face, can you?

  • I sense fan service in the disturbance.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    With every figure they destroy, the value of my collection grows stronger. Young fools, only now, at the end, do they understand.

  • tOmy`

    There are too many much cooler wars happening in the world right now.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    God, I hope not. Well, actually, old Marion was cool.

  • tOmy`

    It just came to my attention: Seeing as Tie-Fighters have no problem flying one feet above the ground, maybe they should have used them during that whole Hoth fiasco. Let the AT-ATs do the talking while you shoot the rebel scum from the back by a fleet of these little suckers.

    Or, you know, just park the freaking Star Destroyer on their base. And by park I literally mean park it on their freaking heads.

  • tOmy`

    Also: Did anyone else see that whole “Luke is the bad guy dun-dun-duuuuun” thing from miles away?

  • Welcome Back Otter

    I thought BB-8 looked silly, until I found out they’d actually built a working version you can buy. That is pretty cool.

  • instant relief

    It’s a venereal disease. Remember to wear your hat!

  • tOmy`

    It indeed is. Also, BB-8 is kinda cute name.

    It’s gonna be great.

  • instant relief

    Whaaaat?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    it worked the other way round, pardon the pun.
    the toy came first. Jar Jar Abrams could smell the money miles away.

  • tOmy`

    Well, not showing him in trailer means that he was either mauled by Fisher again, or that there is a twist on his character.

    Seeing as the dude in black has the burnt helmet of Darth Vader in his locker and talks about “finishing what he started”, I assume JJ realized he needs to do something cool with Luke.

  • instant relief

    J. J. just repurposed one of his buttplugs.

  • instant relief

    But does it really make sense for Luke to turn evil? Didn’t he successfully turn away from the dark side already?

  • Strong_Bow

    Who has an internet-porn addiction and got his Star Wars: The Force Awakens ticket last night?: this guy….

  • tOmy`

    I have two.

    BEAT THAT!

  • Strong_Bow

    Isn’t it weird to think that we will be talking about our reaction to TFA in six weeks? It only seems like yesterday when I was watching Ricahrd Evans jerk off a droid in response to the trailer.

  • Strong_Bow

    Furry and Hentai?

  • tOmy`

    Do you think anyone gives a fuck? When you think of it, it’s perfect.

    Luke is gonna be the bad guy, therefore the whole “woah, JJ, interesting” aspect is covered. That also means that JJ doesn’t need to come up with bullshit idea to drag “that one Sith we totally forgot about, y’all” into the movie – Luke is already a Jedi.

    And who else would be the best person(s) to bring Luke back to the Light? Well his friends of course! Blammo, great reason for dragging poor old Harrison and Cokehead back into the game.

    I might be completely wrong, but hey…

  • tOmy`

    I was watching it yesterday.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I reposted it here about an hour ago.

  • Strong_Bow

    I’m also surprised to see less crazy fan-boy trolls on this page; explain to me, how do we keep away the fan boy trolls so well away from this page? Or, are we just the extreme of fan-boys and don’t realize it? These comment section somehow never turn into a typical youtube comments section.

  • Strong_Bow

    warm up.

  • Strong_Bow

    I am sure you did BEAT that.

  • Earth

    Watching Luke bow his head there was the saddest thing.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    he was in the trailer… being tortured by Daft Platypus.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That’s because only true believers watch RLM via their webzone. The normal people stay on YouTube.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    that and if they stay they have to put up with me.

  • tOmy`

    Really? Fuck, my theory was soooo great.

  • Strong_Bow

    you’re not so bad ol’ bud from down under.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Wasn’t that Poe Dameron? Or the character he plays, I mean.

  • tOmy`

    https://youtu.be/sGbxmsDFVnE?t=1m57s

    This totally looks like Luke’s black outfit tho. And by black outfit I mean the black outfit from Jedi, not the black guy.

  • instant relief

    But isn’t that Kylo Ren? The new sith-ish guy?

  • tOmy`

    This would be much easier if I actually knew anything about the story or characters apparently.

    But wasn’t Kylo Ren wearing that mask in… like… what?

    Well, I checked Kylo Ren on Google and I assume you are right. He does have the same hair. But I ain’t giving up on the idea of Luke being the bad guy.

  • tOmy`

    I love how we proving that we know exactly jack shit about the new movie.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yeah.. thats stupid saber guy Daft Platypus. the guy torturing luke earlier in the vid.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yes, he is.

  • instant relief

    My guess is that Luke is gonna be to TFA what Obi-Wan was to ANH. The wise sage.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    your right and wrong. Daft Platypus is trying to turn luke evil, but you’re wrong about the scenes.

  • tOmy`

    The stoic gay robot with creepy hand.

  • tOmy`

    So Darth Playwithpuss and Kylo Ren are two separate last Siths ever?

    Fucking hell.

  • Niccageshair

    That was Oscar Issac.

  • instant relief

    While C3PO’s gayness was a little more stuble, this time around BB-8 is a literal buttplug.

  • instant relief

    Who the bleep is Darts Playmobile?

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    jay (Fragnon) stein, I think started referring to Evil Sith from the trailer as Darth Platypus, I’m taking the joke and running with it. I dont even remember its real name.

  • instant relief

    Kylo Ren?

  • tOmy`

    Wait, is Kylo Ren that little soccer ball rolling with the chick from Hunger Games?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh, that’s what his name was. Doesn’t sound very Star Wars-y.

  • tOmy`

    He is the only blues player in this galaxy.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I dont sprekenze German to well. Is that a joke?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No, thats BabyBait. at least thats how I say BB8

  • tOmy`

    Horse vomit got already debunked tho.

  • Niccageshair

    He is Standard Gabriel, no word yet on the deluxe version.

  • instant relief

    Fahr zur Hölle, Krokodil Dündee! <3

  • Everyone complains how fake Yoda looks in the prequels but I have to say that I’d rather have that than the old puppet Yoda. What a pile of crap. Uuuh, it’s a special effects prop and not a CGI product and that’s why it’s so life like. NO IT ISN’T! You original trilogy fanboys make me sick!

  • tOmy`

    I think it was already established in the polls that more than 150% of people know that new Star Wars gonna be the best Star Wars in Star Wars.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I thought he was called Severus Snoke.

  • tOmy`

    Also, can we talk about how dashing Harrison Ford is in this scene:

    https://youtu.be/sGbxmsDFVnE?t=1m15s

    Man, this guy wouldn’t get submarine wet.

  • instant relief

    You call Jennifer Lawrence BabyBait? Do you two have an affair?

  • Niccageshair

    I bet you hate Godzilla when he’s just a guy in a rubber suit:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps7syPPy8Vg

  • tOmy`

    Nono, that was the guy from that other moopie. The one who raped Hermione or something.

    #Spoilers

  • tOmy`

    Are you an elf?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Please! satan said this place was too hot. how bad could it be?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is that your nazi?

  • Michael Collins

    Fuck you, Mace Wyndym Earl!!

  • I know. It’s going to be the Star Warsiest thing since Star Wars the Star Wars Star Wars. Yesterday I accidentally called my kid Star Wars. She said ‘what?’ but I just told her ‘be quiet, daddy’s drinking’.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Back in your pond toad, you’re drunk.

  • tOmy`

    Windom Earle? Now that is a guy who would fix the Prequels.

  • instant relief

    Elf, Nazi. It’s all the same.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What? You mean Wingardium Leviosa?

  • instant relief

    Well, your elevator is ready. 😉

  • instant relief

    Hey, that was my fantasy.

  • tOmy`

    No no, it was Downwithyourguardium Leviosa.

  • Way better than that Jedi Returns to Dagobah System crap! Way better.

  • instant relief
  • tOmy`

    Comment of the day, my sweet little toad.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I call her Tits MacGee. dont tell anyone she would kill me.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I was planning on taking the Highway….

  • instant relief

    Don’t worry. I got other sources for the latest fappenings on her.

  • No I ain’t I hate Star Wars! Tomorrow when Marty McFly comes here to the present, uhm… to the future he will end all Star Wars things!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Like you? you drunken gungen.

  • U know it!

  • instant relief

    Oh, a musical reference! Very clever!

  • tOmy`

    You know, since tomorrow, the name of the movie will finally make sense.

    Because we are finally on the trek to stars.

  • Jason Ross

    “Seven bucks? That’s a great price”
    -Kevin Smith

  • no. WE are buddies he would bever,,,, GOD typing. Hard!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    i hope we dont have wars in those stars.

  • instant relief

    Hey, do you remember Star Wars from the Star Wars?

  • Palpatine

    Wow, all hell didn’t break loose last night in the comments. I’m pleasantly surprised.

  • tOmy`

    Are you Kylo Ren?

  • Niccageshair

    Didn’t you hear the Highway was been shut down https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRjOBr6tmM8

  • instant relief

    According to Jack, Han Solo is only wannabe dashing.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its just starting now… welcome home.

  • WrongWithYourFacium Leviosa

    What are you on about?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Stop spelling Daft Platypus wrong!

  • tOmy`

    Serious time: That “wannabe dashing” after Gillian’s “dashing” is just a glorious look into Jack’s soul.

  • Jason Ross

    I left that thing playing as I scrolled down the page. The audio got incredibly annoying so I had to scroll back up to turn it off.

  • I SURE DO! Nothing gets me in the mood for some Star Wars the Star Wars Star Wars than cheap plastic toys.

  • tOmy`

    One hell of a story, Jason.

  • Niccageshair

    For a moment I thought his name was Mark

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its been 5 minutes and i still keep laughing at that. joke of the day!

  • Palpatine

    I was thinking there’d be drama going on between the commenters who liked the trailer and the ones who didn’t, but I guess I was wrong, thank God.

  • Palpatine

    Chewie, we’re home.

  • tOmy`

    Well, there is hardly anything to either like or hate about that trailer.

    At least I feel that way. It’s just… iPods looking nice.

  • instant relief

    Yeah, sometimes he just needs to get outta the way. ;P

  • Domo

    I know everyone is looking at crazy Star Wars toy speculators with such derision, but do you guys remember Beanie Babies? Remember when you had that one family member who had hundreds if not thousands of stuffed animals in protective lucite cubes and little tags lovingly covered in plastic? Do you remember people driving to multiple Mcdonalds just to get the different beanie babies from each happy meal? Shiiit, Beanie Babies were 1/10th of total ebay sales in the late 90s.

    Don’t even get me started on Tulip Mania in the 1630s. Percy Gryce might know more about it, since his grandparents experienced that time period.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Thems fightin’ words! I HATE IPODS!!!

  • -Chewie, were home.
    *grabs left shoulder*
    Chewie. My pills.

    -Graaaaaaaawrr

    Chewie, give me my pills.
    *fade to black*
    *gunshot*

  • Domo

    Sony Walkman 4EVER.

  • instant relief

    I hope they put a lot of Star Wars in their Star Wars so it looks more like the Star Wars from the Star Wars that was Star Wars in a time back when Star Wars really was THE Star Wars. In conclusion: Piss coming from my ass! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMfMELK4bjc

  • tOmy`

    If you are looking for approval for your Star Wars merch-consuming marathon, you could just ask, you know…

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And the 90’s fad of “limited edition” meaning 5 million or so.

  • tOmy`

    That’s sexist.

  • instant relief

    I had a MiniDisc player.

  • Palpatine

    Are you?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    FUCK YES!

  • Palpatine

    Zune FTW!

  • tOmy`

    Now that is a twist noone would expect.

  • What? I can’t watch this. I’m only thirteen.

    #PGratingshaming

  • instant relief

    That fad is still ongoing tho.

  • instant relief

    Btw. I heard Gungans like to fish for compliments. GET IT? CUZ WATER

  • Domo

    Well there’s a difference between people who just love the toys and the people who love to Scam sell toys to others at ridiculous prices. We’re kinda lumping every fan into the same bad boat. It’s not cool, I tells ya!

  • Palpatine

    I don’t want to come across as sounding whiny, but why the hell wasn’t Luke in the new trailer, or on the new poster?

  • Domo

    That’s why you’re wearing a mask, because your teeth are a mess!

  • tOmy`

    He is the bad guy. I am telling you. He. Is. The. Bad. Guy.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Spoilers….

  • FUN FACT: That’s when the Dutch had their George Lucas moment.

    #wereinthemoney

  • Palpatine

    Even M. Night Shyamalan wouldn’t see that twist coming.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    To be fair, yours are felt.

  • Domo

    Luke was busy making a death star after being mind-controlled by Loki’s scepter. Black Widow’s not in the trailer/poster, either, because she’s gonna hit Luke really hard on the head to save the day!

  • That’s clever and inventive.

    #racist

  • Domo

    Don’t worry, though! Kipper Und Wipperzeit beat you guys fair and square in the silliness department, and it fucked up their country for years!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I forgot to add the new death star to the list of things I hate about this movie already.
    Really? Another fucking death star?…. sigh…

  • Needs more Howard the Duck.

  • tOmy`

    You know, I was typing it as a joke at the start, but when I actually thought about it… it would work. And I would love that kinda twist.

    If you heard actors talking about the level of secrecy around the plot, trailers showing jack shit and apparent lack of Mark anywhere in the sight… there is some shady shit going on around. Also: The screenwriter of Empire is exactly the guy who would pull of this kinda twist – would make sense with the evil / good style of Empire.

  • Domo

    But I can’t bite down. I have Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction! I’m so much less deadly.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    hopefully the writers of this new movie aren’t that retarded. this “genius twist” throws away the entire arc he had thru a course of 3 fucking films.

  • tOmy`

    *Starkiller

    Stop calling Starkiller a Death Star. It’s a Starkiller. It’s not a Death Star. Also make sure not to confuse Starkiller with Starkiller. Because Starkiller is a person. And a person cannot be Death Star.

    Yea, this movie is gonna RAWK!

  • Domo

    Han and Chewie’s look when they’re arrested would make sense, then. Luke is the one who arrests them.

  • Palpatine

    Are you saying Luke is Kylo Ren?

  • Damn, you made me read history!

    ♫Somebodys drinkin tonight. Get out of my head.♫

  • tOmy`

    I hope for this twist. I actually like that idea. And in the grand scheme of things, it would make sense to write this shit like this. See my comment(s) below.

    It would be perfect justification for the plot, dragging in old cast and playing it safe with that whole “Luke flirting with evil” plot again. I mean fuck, all of these movies were basically about “is he gonna turn darkside in OT / when is he gonna turn darkside in prequels”.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m getting scared… is this going to suck and not in a good way?

  • tOmy`

    I am not sure who Kylo Ren is but apparently Kylo Ren has his own actor etc. But there is something shady about Luke missing from the picture. Also, he is pretty much the only one who could get his hands on burnt Vader’s mask.

  • He is the one with the tripod light saber. He also wears somesort of a Cylon mask.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Or anyone who heard the story and went looking… like happened in the books.

  • Palpatine

    So speaking of ridiculous interesting Star Wars theories, here’s one for you: what if Kylo Ren is Darth Vader’s son?

  • tOmy`

    You mean Leia?

  • Domo

    Kylo Ren is Yoda’s son. Get your Goddamn facts straight.

  • tOmy`

    And my theory is not that ridiculous – hey, as I said, it would make perfect sense from what we know / seen so far, from the screenwriter perspective, from the JJ doing cool shit perspective and from the thin line between Dark and Light perspective.

    I ain’t saying I am right. I am saying that it could work and I can totally see this happening.

  • If it get’s the toys sold I’m ok with it. it’s not a movie it’s a product.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    they don’t need story based justification for nostalgia exploitation dude. if harrison ford or the other geezers would have died before the film started production they’d be CGI’d into the film if need be. Terminator:Salvation style ya’know?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • tOmy`

    Oh, I know. As I said, at the beginning, I was just going on with the joke, but hey, it would make sense.

    Han and Leia trying to get their friend back is the perfect justification for them being in the movie.

  • Oh, Dailymotion… it takes 3.4 seconds longer to load than Youtube. UNSUBSRIBE!!!!!!

  • tOmy`

    Dontcha dis Dailymotion, thanks to them, we had a chance to see Fast & Furious in all its glory over at the ManHole.

    That site deserves respect!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    If only for allowing us to post copyrighted material that YouTurd wont touch.

  • Leia? Oh yes. The waitress at Boba Fetts sail barge.

  • Niccageshair

    Well since they are torturing Oscar Isaac in the trailer maybe he becomes the bad guy then stormtrooper guy becomes good and they kill each other. It has all that friendship-triangle shit that JJ loves.

  • Palpatine

    You’re just jealous since no one bought the toy of you.

  • Domo

    I just wish Peter Jackson directed this film so there’d be lots of decapitations.

    That’s all I ever really wanted in a Star Wars film: massive amounts of beheadings.

  • Autodrooling Boss Nass toys did not sit well with the younlings.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I did… what I did with it was unspeakable….

  • tOmy`

    Yea, but that would be so uncivilized.

  • JABBA! Get you facts strait!

  • Niccageshair

    This is for sure how Han should finally die:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjnZO5ZgWE8

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    and CGI rube goldberg machine’s

  • tOmy`

    I know.

    RIGHT?

  • Domo

    And that’s a reference to Star Wars Episode 3!

    Why you gotta add references into everything?! Damn!

  • Uhm… I’ll be on the bridge.

  • tOmy`

    I don’t think your Gungan Submerged Shithole has any bridges.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I told you you you’re drunk.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    it’s a shit reason though. to quote everyone’s favorite serial killer movie reviewer: “the emperor had nothing to tempt Luke with” It’s not in his character to be tempted by ULTIMATEE POWERR!!!1!!. and arguably he grows and develops more then any other character in SW. making him a one note villian is not much different then what the prequels did.

  • Domo

    Honestly, at this point, I would love it if all the Star Wars galaxy’s problems were solved with a MacGyver paperclip.

    That’s screenwriting at its best, really.

  • tOmy`

    There is one key aspect suspiciously missing in the trailer:

    The blue milk. Where is all the blue milk? Coincidence? I don’t fucking think so, sheeple!

  • Domo

    Didn’t Tom Hardy wash his face with it? Or is that another milk?

  • tOmy`

    I thought that was Sean Penn…

  • Shithole? So you have seen the prequels.

  • Would that qualify as a McGuffin device?

  • Domo

    Charlize Theron and Sean Penn broke up recently, so no more access to that milk.

  • I’m quite sure I heard a fart in there. Did someone fart? Did holding it in make his head explode?

  • Aaah wadda ya gonna do. I’ll emd this bender after Star Wars: The Gungin Tales.

    #couldhappen

  • Uh… I’m not sure whether I should be aroused or confused.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Kylo Ren(AKA DAFT PLATYPUS) is clearly the physical reincarnation of Qi GoneGin.

  • I liked the new trailer. Got me exited. It could actually be good.

  • He’s stoic?

  • tOmy`

    But why is the gin always gone?

  • Domo

    Both.

  • The drool was made of acetone. Maybe that’s why.

  • tOmy`

    It got me… looking at the trailer.

  • Did they break up because she played in that Seth McFarlane non-medy 100 Ways to die in the West? I know I would.

  • It’s gone stale.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    GLUG,GLUG,GLUG…

  • Domo

    Me, too!

  • Sean Penn? Eeeew. He’s like 200 years old. That lady deserves better. Jay Baumann and Charlize Theron? Jaylize? Jayron? I don’t know.

  • Just to be sure, it’s Sean Penn who produces the blue milk, right?

  • Niccageshair

    “It’s a MacGyver Mcguffin Mcmuffin.” – Alfred Hitchcock’s final words as he finished the script for The Force Awakens.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, I still think he is gonna be used just as a stoic gay robot, but still…

    You see, for him being “a bad guy”, he doesn’t need to be fully evil. We don’t even know what state is the galaxy currently in. Apparently, there is still war going on, but that is all we know. And there is already one guy switching sides.

    To put it simply: Luke doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad guy, but also not a good guy. Or on rebel side. Or something. I just think it is shady that he is missing from the poster / trailer and given the massive secrecy around the plot… who knows.

  • Domo

    I don’t know what Harvey Milk did with blue milk. Maybe he owns Milk Town or something. All I know is Tom Hardy liked to wash his face with it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Is he gonna turn out to be the Joker? Disney bought Marvel already,why not DC too?

  • Domo

    If I end up being really disappointed in this film, it will probably be my fault and not the fault of the studio. They haven’t revealed a whole lot to trick us with deceptive marketing, and all the dots line up to make this a decent story in the Star Wars franchise.

    Original Spock didn’t show up in the Star Trek 2009 trailer or poster, and everything turned out alright, anyway. Not gonna fret about this one.

  • OMG. I’m on Howard the duck planet!

    *fade to Star Wars logo*

    *loud: Howard the duck theme song*

    Starring Officer Rich Klasowski.

    #noneedformcguffins

  • Trailer reaction videos!

    #hellonearth

  • Palpatine

    Can you imagine what The Force Awakens would be like if George Lucas directed it? There’d probably be a scene of a fat racist cartoon alien farting in the camera for ten straight minutes.

  • Palpatine

    I can’t wait for the Rich Evans reaction video.

  • They have a new video up.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ” Star Trek 2009″

    “turned out alright”

    Says you

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Thinking about it, there are some kids these days that don’t know much about WWII. That, despite spending most of the day connected to the internet via smartphones, tablets, etc.

  • Palpy, didn’t he rehabilitate himself with the Star Wars cartoons? I thought you praised them for how good they were.

  • Jonah Falcon
  • Evertale

    Ahh, clever movies – remember those? I remember those!

  • Smegman

    And produced by Rick Mccallum, with a hundred other unnecessary characters farting at the same time. So much going on.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I would not put it past Lucas to steal from cakefarter.com.

  • Palpatine

    Star Wars Episode VII: The Flatulence Awakens. It’ll be two hours of every character just farting.

  • Smegman

    “The Flatulence Menace”. The farts will be with you… always.

  • Wild in Wisconsin

    Goodbye, Star Wars.

  • Smegman

    Wait, no lens flares in a Jar Jar Abrams movie?

  • Smegman

    He’s just a mutant bad midichlorian gone bananas

  • Strelnikov

    No it’s “thanks Robo-bitch.”

    Check your human privilege.

  • Smegman

    Like RoboCHIC?

  • WrongWithYourFacium Leviosa

    His dick got burnt off.

  • Marvin Falz

    Wow, that was intense. I mean, the Prequels are really bad and I suppose that the new one is just another cash grab without any other value besides that. But what the Prequels never achieved was to kill the Original Trilogy and neither does the new one although bringing back the original cast, conjuring up the iconic images of the OT and connecting the Sith / Jedi computer game dynamics to this nearly achieves killing the OT.

    Anyway, seeing the OT figures with the echoing lines was kind of like a death experience. Like, at this point exactly the OT died. This isn’t bad, it’s okay. I say the following with love and respect, like someone would adress an old friend: Fuck you, RLM. And thank you. Looking forward to whatever you plan to create.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    With the native audio turned down and the “Theme from ‘Welcome Back Kotter'” playing in its place this becomes something….wonderful.

  • The Ghost

    Mel Brooks’ voice is echoing in my brain.

    “MUYCHANDISING, MUYCHANDISING!”

  • Bubs

    Anyone nay-saying the new Star Wars movie at this point is basically a biased fan boy. If it was a trailer for “Space Adventure Movie part 2” Everyone would say “Hey, this looks like a fun sci-fi adventure.” But because it’s Star Wars, everyone thinks they’re Mr. Fucking Plinkett (TM).

    I don’t know if the movie will be good or bad. And I don’t really care. Star Wars isn’t the end-all-be-all. Most likely it’ll be a fun movie while also being a cynical cashgrab. Either way, it’s going to exist, and people need to accept that.

  • Bubs

    Star Trek 2009 was a good movie. And I stand by that for this reason: It got me interested in Star Trek. Before watching that movie, I had never sat through a single full episode of that show. But after seeing ST:2009, I figured I’d give it a shot.

    Turns out, the old Star Trek stuff is EVEN BETTER than that movie. By a lot. Now, I agree that ST:2009 does not at capture the spirit of the old Star Trek. BUT, I think it was a solid movie, and it helped open up the franchise to a lot of people who might otherwise have not been interested in Trek at all.

  • Oc3anman

    Who is complaining? I haven’t seen the complaints and criticisms yet! Then again… When I went to see Jurassic World I thought to myself, “Well it won’t be as bad as the other Jurassic Park sequels!” and then I sat down and watched Jurassic World.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I haven’t seen any episode or previous ST movies before watching it. I don’t rate it based on some notion that it “ruined my precious trek god damn it” . I just think it’s an incredibly shallow and obnoxious action movie. kurtzman and orci plug in constant fan service and references but forget to devolep anything meaningful instead and JJ just shoots it straight with no personality or flair to it. The cast is pretty shit too. The actors for Spock and Kirk only know how to shout and nothing else. It’s loud,it’s dumb yet it gets a pass unlike other movies written by those hack frauds. I simply don’t get it.

  • Alex

    Too bad she got tortured and raped by Ara…..I mean sand people, because ‘Kids’ movie.

  • This is heartbreaking…

  • My ex wife

    I thought Gryce would have been the main importer, cornering the entire tulip market?

  • My ex wife
  • My ex wife

    How do you know it’s a she? You do not respect her privacy.

  • My ex wife

    I’m not sure it matters if it’s been done already around here.

    This place is borderline experimental when it comes to flogging quotes to death.

  • whip

    Wow.

    Could you guys be any more hipster?

  • Earth

    What’s hipster about melting toys in acetone?

  • Earth

    Heh, Ben went all Day of the Dead

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAGDFr1kWL0

  • frankelee

    I didn’t know the Oriental Trading Company made Star Wars figures. The likenesses are uncanny!

  • Popo Bawa

    The Schwartz is strong with this one…

  • Popo Bawa

    He is the new leader of Heaven’s Gate.

  • Clumz E. Cheeze

    You’re making me miss him.

  • Clumz E. Cheeze

    Too much positivity is speculation.

  • Clumz E. Cheeze

    It’s just the Vulcan mind meld.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It was a great movie… it just aint star trek.

  • I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I consume the lifeless moments of shadows. I consume the lifeless moments of shadows. The flickering seconds of memories. I stand on the edge of darkness. I am the night. The black, the dark, cold, silent. I see them when I sleep. It’s meaningless. M-m-meh-meh-meh-MEH-MEH-MEH-MEEE-MEEE-MEEEMEEEEMEEEE…

  • I’m just gonna approach it with my tried-but-true outlook; Expect the worst, but hope for the best.

  • Dana Merica

    At least you could of melted the 1995 ones- doing the originals is just bat-shit crazy. Even for me & you guys… smh

  • Thanatos2k

    Jesus christ, Obi Wan’s chest collapses in on itself, and his innards spill out. You monsters.

  • Thanatos2k

    You guys are really getting your mileage out of that jug of acetone you bought, aren’t you?

  • Wendy Paul

    Do You Want To Make Money Like Google and Facebook? view The Site Below To Learn How You Can ‘Steal’ Their Billion Dollar Business Model And Use It To Build Your Own Online Empire! It is the nicest way to earn more and more money at home.$40h – $90h…how? part time or full time,I’ve been bringing in $82h… It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it out.

    http://www.listscoop.nut.cc
    &tg

  • Marvin Falz

    It’ll be like The Muppets from 2011, solid entertainment, well-written, full of heartstring-tuggings, replete with nostalgic moments and setups for future franchises. It probably won’t be self-aware and fun and they won’t openly and consciously ignore the laws of physics like when the Muppets travel by an old car through the ocean to Europe via ‘map travel’. So I guess the new Star Wars will be a typical Disney movie through and through.

  • Eric Moreland

    The heads…they don’t dissolve…I’m unsub…oh wait, this isn’t YouTube…

  • Eric Moreland

    You’re right…it is…now I have to look up what “Welcome Back Kotter” actually is…thanksalot!

  • This is something really interesting that is worth paying your attention right now,a superb online opportunity to work for those people who want to use their free time so that they can make some extra money using their computers… I have been working on this for last two and half years and I am earning 60-90 dollar/ hour … In the past week I have earned 13,70 dollars for almost 20 hours sitting ….

    Specific qualification, degree or skills is not necessary for this, just keyboard typing and a good working and reliable internet connection ….

    Any Time limitations or boundations to start work is not required … You may do this work at any time when you willing to do it ….

    How I have been doing this?…..….see this (site-Iink) on my !profile!` to know how I am working` on this`

    $x

  • Like Icare

    There’s acetone in the jar-o.

  • Like Icare

    Ye old “We’ll always have the Original Trilogy, it wasn’t changed by this” line is fallacious.
    Just ask all those cultures who consider swastika a symbol of luck, well-being and whatever.

    Or all those people coming to their highschool reunion and seeing what a pig their crush has become.
    “Can’t get there from here anymore” ain’t just a good idea. It’s tha law.

  • .my classfellow’s younger sister making $97 in one hour Online….……Last weekend I Bought A Brand new McLaren F1 after earning 18,512$,this was my last month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, $17k Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a day ..with bonus opportunities & weekly paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over $83, p/h..Learn More right Here….
    ks………..
    ➤➤
    ➤➤➤ http://www.GlobalFinancialSupportJobsTopCareersNet/Get/$97hourly… ❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦

  • .my classfellow’s younger sister making $97 in one hour Online….……Last weekend I Bought A Brand new McLaren F1 after earning 18,512$,this was my last month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, $17k Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a day ..with bonus opportunities & weekly paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over $83, p/h..Learn More right Here….
    ks………..
    ➤➤.
    ➤➤➤ http://www.GlobalFinancialSupportJobsTopCareersNet/Get/$97hourly… ❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦

  • Marvin Falz

    True. And it is exactly what you say, why I stay away as far from the new one as possible. The Prequels did a lot of damage, but didn’t kill. I don’t want the new to kill my enjoyment of Star Wars entirely. Well, I’ve said it before, Star Wars is kind of done for me, but out of reasons which have nothing to do with the Prequels, George Lucas, RLM or other outside influence.

  • Do you want to know something really interesting that is worth paying your attention right now,a fabulous online opportunity to work for those people who want to use their free time so that they can make some extra money using their computers… I have been working on this for last two and half years and I am making 60-90 dollar/ hour … In the past week I have earned 13,70 dollars for almost 20 hours sitting ….

    Any skills, Degree ,Specific qualification is not necessary for this, just keyboard typing and a good working and reliable internet connection ….

    Any time limitations to start work is not required … You may do this work at any time when you willing to do it ….

    Do you want to know how I have been doing this?…..….see this {Iink} on my !|profile|!` to know how I am working` on this`

    ^cd

  • wanna know something really interesting that is worth paying attention? a simple awesome online opportunity to work for those people who want to utilise their free time so that they can make some extra money using their computers… I have been working on this for last two and half years and I am making 60-90 dollar/ hour … In the past week I have earned 13,70 dollars for almost 20 hours sitting ….

    Special skills, Degree ,Specific qualification is not necessary for this, just keyboard typing and a good working and reliable internet connection ….

    time limitations to start work is not required … You may do this work at any time when you willing to do it ….

    Do you wanna know how I have been working on this?…..….see this [Iink] on my` `!Profile!` to know` more` about this`

    ftukjhmj

  • like Russell replied I’m stunned that a mom can profit $8748 in a few weeks on the internet. pop over to this website on `my` `prof1Ie`

    (x

  • Andrew J. Miller

    Theres really a simple solution to the problem.
    And it may seem a little crazy but bear with me…

    Don’t fucking watch it.

  • Andrew J. Miller

    “Deliberate emotional manipulation that feels manipulative.”
    Congratulations….you described pretty much every movie ever made.
    Jesus you’re one cynical fuck.

  • Andrew J. Miller

    I don’t know any of you but….jesus you people are some jaded, cynical fucks.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    George Lucas action figure not available? That would be worth melting.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Spambots are Cylons?

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Just like the real Obi Wan. Alec Guinness liked to tip back a few between takes on set.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Only if they did it sporting ironic mustaches and curated vests from the Mumford & Sons Collection.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    **Greedo shoots Han first**
    **Jar Jar walks on screen**
    **Obi Wan explains what midichlorians are**

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    “Native audio”? What are you, some kind of racist?

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Hitler and Lucas? Which one was the talentless hack fraud again?

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    And then the scene would have a dewback walking in front of the camera for no damn reason.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    “Each fart is so dense.” — Not Rick Berman

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Which toy will he fuck this time?

  • Strelnikov

    A reference to something Rich Evans said on Best of the Worst once.

  • Like Icare

    Well… Hitler WAS an underachiever, according to Bill Hicks.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7b736GmLQA

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And you clearly have no sense of humor. oh well cant have everyone.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That would be no fun at all? what would i hate instead?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Have you read any of your posts? or is this Irony?
    (It means Like Iron.)

  • Andrew J. Miller

    Yourself, for one.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You’re a bit cranky. have you had your nap today?

  • like Phillip answered I cannot believe that you can make $9890 in 4 weeks on the computer.try this website on `my` `prof1le`

    )t

  • `I’m` finally` getting 94`Dollars“` an hr,….It’s time to take some action` and you can join it too.It is easy way to get rich`.Three weeks from now you will wish you have started today….

    +++++++++++++>>> Vis!t My Pr0f1le:)“`

    +44444444

  • “I’m“ finally` getting` 94`Dollars“ per hr`,….It’s` Time` to take` some action` and you can join it too.It is `easy way to get `rich`.Three weeks from now you will wish you have started `today….

    +++++++++++++>>> “ViS!t` “My` “`PR0f1le“

    gcyhfgy

  • May` I tell you something` really` interesting` that is `worth` paying` `attention`. An `effective` and `excellent` online` `opportunity` to work` for those people` who want to `utilise` their free time so that they can `Earn some `extra `Money` using their `computers`… I have been `working` on this for last two and half years and I am earning` 60-90 `dollar`/ hour` … In the `Past` `Week` I` Have `Earned` 13,70 `DoLLars` For `Almost `20` hours` `Sitting` ….

    `Any` Special“kind` of `Skills, `Degree` or Specific qualification is not `required` for this, just `typing` and a `good` `working` and `reliable` `internet` `connection` ….

    `Any` `Time` `Boundations` to `Start work` is not `Required` … You may do this `work` at any `time` when you `Willing` to do it ….

    I have Been Working on this and Getting Results…..….Hope over to“website“ `page` `LINK` which is on Prrof!le of mine

    +33333333333333

  • May` I tell you something` really` interesting` that is `worth` paying` `attention`. An `effective` and `excellent` online` `opportunity` to work` for those people` who want to `utilise` their free time so that they can `Earn some `extra `Money` using their `computers`… I have been `working` on this for last two and half years and I am earning` 60-90 `dollar`/ hour` … In the `Past` `Week` I` Have `Earned` 13,70 `DoLLars` For `Almost `20` hours` `Sitting` ….

    `Any` Special“kind` of `Skills, `Degree` or Specific qualification is not `required` for this, just `typing` and a `good` `working` and `reliable` `internet` `connection` ….

    `Any` `Time` `Boundations` to `Start work` is not `Required` … You may do this `work` at any `time` when you `Willing` to do it ….

    I have Been Working on this and Getting Results…..….Hope over to“website“ `page` `LINK` which is on Prrof!le of mine

    frtghy

  • I `Started` `WoRking` `from` `COmfort` `OF` My` `HOMe`, By` `Working` `SOmE` very` `Basic` `jObs` That `Only `rEquired` A` `Pc` &` `Internet` `Access` `&` It’s the `Best `Job` I `EVer` `HAd… It’s Been `six` `months` since I` started `This` and i got `Paid` so far in total 36 `Thousand` `Dollars`… Basically I` `profit` `80` `dollars`/hour` And work` for` 3 to 4 h` on daily basis.And the best part about this `Job` is that You get` to `Choose` Yourself when To `Work` and for how long and you Get` a `Paycheck` `weekly.Hope over to“website“ `page` `LINK` Which Is On `Prrof!le` of mine

    $cccccccccccccc

  • I left` my desk` `job` and now` I `get` paid` $85` every` h. …Wonder` how? I` freelance` `online!` My` old` job` was` making` me `unhappy` ,so I chose to take my chance on something` new… 2 years` after`…I say it was the smartest` decision i ever` made!` Let` me show you what` i` do…go and check` this “websiteLINK“ on my` `Proffile!` for `detailed` `info`

    97980

  • Pathetic Whiner

    This was simply (Darth) Ingenious.

    The prequels might’ve been an attempt to revive SW but instead shot it dead. And now the Clone Wars has begun…

    I can’t stop hearing “I’m too old for this.”

    Fuck you, George.

  • When I saw the draft which was of
    7159 dollars, I accept that my friend’s brother was like really generating cash
    in his spare time with his computer. . His aunts neighbor has done this for
    only 10 months and by now repaid the loan on their home and bought a new Car
    .This is what they are donig …

    >>>>> Visit my ƤŘỖƑĮĹẸ for
    the site address

    %asdawe

  • Dave

    For the Prequel to this video, I would like to see the toy version of Hayden Christensen thrown into a beaker of hydrochloric acid… followed by the real version of Hayden Christensen.

Back to Top