Star Wars: The Force Awakens – Rich and Mike’s Predictions

November 4, 20153,250 Comments

Yes. We now know it’s Jakku. Please do comment about it though.

Filed in: General UpdatesVlogs

  • Chromeo

    😀

  • castlemonster

    My dashboard: Star Wars TFA, Mike and Rich make terrible predictions

    Me: Oh.

  • Dangus “Wangus” Larangus

    I haven’t even hit play yet and I already know this is shit

  • castlemonster

    Getting a spinning wheel on that video but I’m guessing that’s just all part of the fun, right?

  • Sleverin

    I don’t care if the predictions are true, accurate, or even patently realizable. More RLM is always a good thing.

  • Jegsimmons

    My prediction: the names of the crew and the way this film is marketed and shot suggest this film with have no identity of its own as either astar wars movie or a movie in 2015. It looks and feels like any generic blockbuster and as a star wars film seems dull and too reliant on the original trilogy to form its own story.
    Its going to suck, but people will act like its the greatest thing ever…..then forget about it by the time the DVD roles around, just like the avengers, and just like jurassic world.

    Should have hired spielberg to make the new movie.

    Now the spinoff directed by the guy behind Godzilla, thats probably gonna rock.
    The sequel directed by the tool who made jurassic world, thats gonna blow.

  • Rob Peterson

    Been there…predicted that…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUcs2vbsxUc

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Ironically there’s a Star Wars The Old Republic ad right above the video

  • bassbait

    On the one hand, you have a point. On the other hand, you have a FFDP avatar.

  • IMadeWilhelmScream

    The desert planet is called Jakku. Commence irritation sequence… NOW!!!!

  • bassbait

    Mike’s laugh at 42:33 caught me off guard and made me lol.

  • castlemonster

    My prediction: That darth-poser guy will remove his mask to reveal Adam Sandler.

  • Sleverin

    Damn, Rich has lost a lot of weight. From one former fat guy to another: congrats buddy! It’s a lot of hard work to lose all that weight!

  • bassbait

    I was hoping they’d be done with the death star forever. But nope. Planets have to blow up.

  • bassbait

    Promote yourself more please.

  • Palpatine

    Another Star Wars video?! Really?! God, the European and Australian commenters better show up soon so we can go off-topic.

  • Jegsimmons

    yeah but its war is the answer era FFDP.

    Also meant to change it to a pantera avatar, but i kept forgetting.

    That or vic rattlehead….not sure which.

  • Sleverin

    Jay hates Star Trek, that much we know. Does he also hate Star Wars?

  • Ryan Perez

    If this movie follows the same exact “hero’s journey” beat as the previous films, I’m not going to see the sequel in theaters.

    Tired of this stuff. Same song, different lyrics.

    I’m too old for Star Wars nostalgia and have since experienced different, new sci-fi that I’ve grown to like just as much.

    (Also, how the fuck do they have Anakin’s/Luke’s lightsaber if it fell into the oblivion of Cloud City?)

  • BilboBaggins

    Don’t worry RLM, I thought it was Tatooine, too. As a prequels hater and someone who gave up on Star Wars around 2002, after being around it since the late 70’s, I found myself getting sucked into the machine yet again. Probably because it has most of the original characters/actors and also that us childhood raped geeks were finally getting our wish of a film being made sans Lucas. But the more time passes since watching the trailers, the more I fear that this movie will just be a remix of the first movie. Let’s face it, Phantom Menace had a kick-ass trailer, too, and everyone thought it was great opening night while they climaxed after years of anticipation. But as time passed, well, you know.

  • Lenin

    Luke is evil, chick turns evil in the end (after they find Luke in a cave, she swears fealty to him), movies shift to black guy as MC. (according to unconfirmed, but likely leaks along with leaked scene)

  • Jonah Falcon

    Can’t wait for this one. Plinkett vs. Plinkett.

  • Noah R.

    I just hope the movie doesn’t try to by like poetry and rhyme too much…

  • DarkSoulsSauron

    then why are you here?

  • bleurgh

    I really hope they don’t kill off the black guy. I thought casting a POC as the Luke parallel was going to be a good move as the orignal series was notoriously white-washed and when they finally brought in a black dude they had him screw over all the central characters. Then there were all the racist caricacture aliens in the prequels. Basically this series doesn’t have very many positive depictions of African-americans.

  • bassbait

    yea, war is the answer as in “how’s it feel to be a tool!?!?” era. FFDP has always been pretty awful. Change it to Reinventing the Steel. That’s the best image related to either band.

  • obriencj

    Am I crazy or is that Katamari Damacy music in the background around 29:30

  • bassbait

    they have to! he’s the black guy. Movie logic suggests he dies first.

    No but really I agree. Representation is good especially in something like Star Wars. Fuck the people who think it’s *too PC* to let more diverse kinds of people be in an all ages fantasy story that takes place in a universe that has fucking everything apart from black people.

  • RiverDevil

    “I was not aware of such failure”

  • bassbait

    nah just similar. Do you mean the tutorial level of Katamari?

  • bleurgh

    The only films that don’t follow the heros journey narrative are post-modern arthouse stuff. The whole point of Campbells book was to find a universal story-telling formula. Personally I’d rather not have every movie be Mulhullond Drive.

  • RiverDevil

    That’s gonna be great

  • bassbait

    I’m fine with every movie being Mulholland Drive.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    NERGASM!!!!!!

  • bassbait

    I was born off topic.

  • bassbait

    are you saying you aren’t a fan of a lil star wars rhymin’?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_xJqkzngBI

  • What a crock of shit

    I was more intrigued by the roman nose thing than the discussion 😉

  • DarkSoulsSauron

    i have no faith in Jar Jar Abrahms, master of 6/10 movies

  • RiverDevil

    “you have one chance”
    PreRec needs to get Mike to play One Chance a la Jay

  • Edward Hirsch

    Seems to me if they think someone dies in the 3rd act, it’d be Luke? Aside from obvious ‘rhyming’, if you think Luke is Rey’s father, it makes sense she’d be crying even if she didn’t know him that well.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Are you packed for florida yet?

  • BilboBaggins

    Only if he talks in his Happy Gilmore voice.

  • bleurgh

    That movie is pretentious, over-rated and dull.

  • bassbait

    I disagree on all accounts. I think “pretentious” is a rather meaningless complaint because it can be said about anything for pretty much any reason. I can only consider something overrated if the positive praise it gets is inaccurate, like if Avatar were to be praised as “original” by a lot of people, that would make it overrated because the high rating is entirely unwarranted. And as for being dull, it’s one of the most exciting movie-going experiences I’ve ever had. Meanwhile, most “hero’s journey films” have bored me to tears. Because it didn’t take me somewhere that I haven’t been before. Mulholland Drive did.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Rich came up with the idea i posted a week ago. That luke is hiding the whole idea of jedi, because he thinks its too dangerous

  • Jesus Manatee Jenkins III

    POC.. White Washed… “Black fictional character screws other fictional characters on a film is somehow a band thing because reasons”. Positive depictions of African-americans… I would like to complain that there are no hadicapped people, no trans people, no lesbians, not enough chinese extras, not enough little people, not enough one armed autistic patachó indians from Brazil, this movie is clearly white-washed!!!!!

  • castlemonster

    Episode 8: The Force Ghosts Strike Back

  • bleurgh

    It’s nice to see that Hans jacket has pockets for his e-ciggarette batteries, there’s nothing worse than being out and about and running out of charge without an outlet in sight.

  • Jegsimmons

    everything pantera related is awesome.

  • bassbait

    except Glamtera. Well… that’s kinda awesome too. Just not as awesome.

  • bleurgh

    What the fuck are you talking about? Are you suffering from psychosis?

  • bassbait

    he’s one of those guys who thinks that “SJWs” are taking over the world and has to set out to talk shit on them in order to bring balance to the internet force.

  • bassbait

    and I am all for trans people and lesbians in Star Wars.

  • Jegsimmons

    Well compared to groove era, sure. but hey, its unfair to judge glamtera to post CFH era.

    also, i went left field and went with Sergeant D.

    S.O.D. BABY!!!

  • Palpatine

    At first I thought this was going to be a joke video. Then I saw it was 47 minutes long. And then I watched the whole thing and was convinced otherwise. Glad they went the high road with this one.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    He is called Darth Platypus. because he looks like a daft platypus.

  • bleurgh

    My sentiment isn’t even original, it’s mentioned in the Plinkett reviews that audiences complained about there being no black people in Star Wars: A New Hope and that’s why they introduced Lando. This guy must be a poseur, non-fan and hackfraud in addition to being a spluttering incoherent shitmuncher.

  • bassbait

    good choice. I’m sure my picture makes it really hard to tell, but I changed the skin of the character on my pic to an album cover. It’s Genghis Tron. Probably not your thing, but they’re heavy as hell and might want to check out the album “Board up the House”.

  • bassbait

    me too. For a second I wondered if the length was them pulling a prank BOTW (where it’s black screen for most of the time).

    I really did want to see them review Clint Howard movies though…

  • Jegsimmons

    cant say ive actively listened to them, but the few things i heard i liked.

  • Palpatine

    Nah, I leave on Monday.

  • bassbait

    I run into people like this all the time. I’m not trying to. I just see them on gaming related videos, as well as skepticism/atheism related videos. The combination of the two, plus the incessant whining suggests to me that they’re mostly high schoolers. And when they’re not? It’s just really sad.

  • Palpatine

    Clint Howard is Bryce Dallas Howard’s uncle.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    and we are off topic.

  • bassbait

    I just looked at her filmography… she’s uh… she’s been in a lot of shitty movies.

    But still got nothing on Clint!

  • bassbait

    I’m mostly into the really heavy Prog shit these days. Mastodon, BTBAM, etc. Pantera was what I listened to a lot in high school and I can still put on Cowboys or Vulgar Display of Power any day and just get sucked in by Dime’s guitar work.

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    Wait, is Mike sober?

    Mike is sober for at least 47 minutes!?

    OH MA GAWD

  • Palpatine

    I’m sorry, but Jurassic World was a guilty pleasure for me. I am so, so sorry.

  • While we’re talking about predictions…. WKUK should also be considered:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmRHy3cu31M

  • bleurgh

    Pretentious to me is just another way of saying that the movies creators think that it’s a lot smarter than it actually is. It’s a mix of condescension in the way the material is prensented and the movie trying too hard to impress. For example, when a predictable twist is telegraphed over and over and then the reveal is played like it’s the most shocking thing in the world, complete with DUN-DUN-DUN!!! dramatic music. That’s classic pretentiousness. Or when a movie is self-important about it’s subject matter. In other words the creators put expressing their ideas or message over entertaining their audience and the whole thing plays out more like a lecture than a story. The characters in these movies often just become mouthpieces for the films creator/s as they rant about all their fascinating observations and philosophy about things. See Waking Life for a good example of this.

    As for it’s dullness, I just found the movie hard to care about because most of it takes place in dream / fantasy sequences and had no real world consequences.

  • Jonah Falcon

    It’s depressing they’re going to remake the first Star Wars. Got the plans, escape to Tattooine, meet up with hero, meet old mentor, go to hive of scum and villainy, leave planet for Yavin, mentor gets killed, have a battle on the Death Star…. wash, rinse, repeat.

  • Palpatine

    What kind of danger do the Jedi present exactly?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Dude! you had children murdered and enslaved a galaxy.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, it’s not like Lando redeemed himself in the next film or anything.

  • Palpatine

    But that was the Sith.

  • Reshy Poo

    Okay, I haven’t seen the trailers, but here’s my prediction based on their predictions.
    Empire far from defeated, however weaker control since death of emperor.
    Intro – black dude and co on empire ship, steals lukes blue light saber.
    black escapes to sand planet, encounters leiah/Han’s daughter, she notices saber and brings him to father (han),
    implications, they need to bring it to princess leiah, so restores rust-bucket falcon.
    leiah thinks luke maybe dead, hence saber, so they go to seek him out, he’s evidently fine, R2 stays with luke
    black dude keeps blue saber and is targeted by vader-wanabe
    Han dies, daughter cries, black dude and daughter flee in falcon.
    info obtained in process, ice planet. crew & rebel forces attack ice planet. oh snap its a newly completed Death star, a WiP since new hope, they escape.
    ends.

    2nd movie it becomes more clear that vader-wanabe is lukes son or nephew, trained by luke.
    Luke’s now presumed dead as home burned out.
    3rd movie it becomes clear that luke is dark, corrupted/persuaded by the old emperor’s ghost, has actually been leading the empire with vader-wanabe as ‘face’.

  • bassbait

    see, in response to your first paragraph I would say that you described pretentiousness rather well, but didn’t describe Mulholland Drive at all.

    As for not having real world consequences, I don’t want to say you’re “missing the point”, but it seems as though you’re thinking differently than I do about it. I think that the dream/fantasy is a reflection of reality. It’s a constructed fantasy in which the real world gradually busts the fantasy, and the consequences of maintaining that fantasy ARE the real world consequences. The conflict is the conflict between the fantasy and the reality. I mean if you want a straight-forward version of this, it’d be The Matrix – you die in the matrix? you die in real life. But instead, the character constructs an escapist fantasy to get away from the harsh reality, but the harsh reality is inevitable, and so the conflict of the film is the conflict of having to confront the real issues, rather than hide away from them. And in the end, she can’t confront the issues and from there we both know what happens.

    Now see, this is why Mulholland Drive is such a great movie. The fact that you can not like it, and that I can love it, and yet we can both say a lot about it means that Lynch did a good job. It gets people thinking and it gets people talking. There’s a reason we aren’t discussing “Begotten” and that’s because Begotten truly IS pretentious, and dull, and shit.

  • Palpatine

    So you think Rey will be Han and Leia’s long lost daughter? I can see that happening.

  • Balgor Vern

    So do we think the Death Star will arc up it’s big gun in this movie? Tatooine? Yavin IV? Coruscant?

  • odigity

    Is Rich stoned in this one?

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. Just curious.

  • bassbait

    If “guilty pleasures” were something to be sorry about, I would have to make too many apologies.

  • bassbait

    great profile pic

  • Palpatine

    Tru dat.

  • Joe Syxpac

    There’s no way Han survives this movie. He’s just there to give the “it’s all true” speech and die.

    Chewie is also dead meat.

    The Falcon will live on, but as Finn and Rey’s ship.

    Finn will prolly lose an arm to Kylo Ren. (Left one this time, just to mix things up)

    Kylo Ren will survive all three movies.

    Luke’s lightsaber isn’t as important as the teasers have led on.

    Unlike Obi-Wan and Yoda, Luke isn’t living as a hermit. He’s set up a small training facility on that island and has a handful of students. He’s teaching them a new way of the force that uses both light and dark side power. It is unclear if he’s good or evil and that’s why both sides are trying to track him down.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    JERK THE DROID!!!!!

  • bassbait
  • bleurgh

    I don’t think Lando did enough to fully redeem himself and absolve himself of all guilt for his actions. He’s still an asshole at the end of Return though he’s begun starting to make up for it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Lets be honest, there is no way harrison ford will live that long.

  • Palpatine

    I like your theory of Luke being a mentor of a Neutral Side of the Force group.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    sith are jedi too you racist.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Tatooine would have the most impact from a storytelling perspective as so many of the characters we know come from there.

    But I don’t think the Death Star will actually blast any planets until the second movie. The reveal of it will be the end of the first.

  • Joe Syxpac

    The Gray Side of the force.

  • Palpatine

    Fair enough. But I also hope Finn remains one of the main characters in the new trilogy.

  • bleurgh

    What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or are they just born with a heart full of neutrality?

  • Palpatine

    Is that some crap you read on Wookiepedia or something?

  • VanDerSm00th

    I have a feeling Mike will be the first to tear up on opening night.

  • Palpatine

    Funnily enough, there is something called a Gray Jedi:
    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Gray_Jedi

  • bassbait

    if I die, tell my wife “hello”

  • Palpatine

    Why didn’t Jay participate in the discussion?

  • Ryan Perez

    Well, no, those aren’t the only films (or stories in general) that don’t follow the “hero’s journey.” The reason it is so prevalent is because it’s one of the simplest formulas for getting from A to B. It’s not challenging, therefore less confusing, therefore less insulting to the intellect.

    Plenty of sci-fi films deviate from this.

    Blade Runner. Minority Report. 2001: A Space Oddysey. Looper. Robocop. A Scanner Darkly. Ex Machina. A Clockwork Orange.

    I could go on. None of these are “arthouse.”

  • tOmy`

    He is gonna do Star Trek: New Next Genera7ion predictions with Len Kabasinski.

  • bassbait

    I’d argue that Clockwork Orange and 2001 border on being arthouse.

    Both masterpieces though. 2001’s the best film ever made and ACO’s up there.

  • Palpatine

    Oh good, you’re here, I guess that means it’s time to go off-topic!

  • tOmy`

    Even though it would be completely justified, I didn’t even see the video yet and I usually make at least one and half comment about the video first so…

    Yea. Star Wars. Also, waking up at 7am makes me confused cheerleader. And confused cheerleader is on topic cheerleader.

  • I’m only a guest

    You’re wrong. From the very beginning I sympathized with Lando as Chewie chokes him and Leia bitches him out. He was always a great, layered character. And essentially a good guy.

  • Palpatine

    If you think the video’s a joke, it’s not. Mike and Rich actually have a long, serious discussion about their theories of the film.

  • Joe Syxpac

    What I’m imagining is something more than simply “walking the line”. Luke is teaching that embracing one side or the other is limiting. If you’re a Sith or a Jedi you are shunning power that could benefit you, and in turn the entire universe. That you can’t truly understand The Force unless you take it as a whole.

    Whether you use it for good, evil, or neutrality is a whole different issue.

  • God I miss 12 oz mouse…. the kind of show that makes absolutely no sense unless you are extremely fucked up.

  • bassbait

    and I am extremely fucked up all the time. 12 Oz Mouse and Xavier: Renegade Angel are my favorite shows of that style. Wonder Showzen too.

  • bassbait

    Must… stay… on topic…

  • Palpatine

    Anthony Daniels needs to get over himself. Seriously, he played a gay, golden robot who bitched the whole movie. It’s not like he won an Oscar for his groundbreaking performance or anything.

  • tOmy`

    “Oh, there’s camera!” – Rich Evans

    Space Cop is gonna be great.

  • Uncle Dan

    Jay edited this I bet. Love the Station Agent.

  • bassbait

    The only groundbreaking performance in Star Wars is the Sarlacc Pit.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Pretty much everyone has predicted that the chick and the bad guy will be Skywalkers in one way or another. I can understand Luke being unable to raise his offspring, if he had to go into hiding. What would Han and Leia’s excuse be? Leia seems to be a leader among the Rebels/Resistance/New Republic/whatever, and lives in a fortified planet, plenty of security. Why would she give a son or daughter away? Or is it like Mike says that Kylo Ren went through a phase in his teen years and left home? “But moooom, I’m not Dark Side, I’m emo!”

  • tOmy`

    *slow clap*

  • Palpatine

    But then there’s the issue of the mother of Rey. If she is Luke’s daughter, then who’s the mother?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    some prostitute?

  • tOmy`

    Mara Jade.

    Please, let it be Mara Jade.

    #MaraJade

  • Palpatine

    Who?

  • Joe Syxpac

    I’m kinda thinking that Rey is actually Han’s daughter. That would make more sense since it would give Han a reason for hanging around on Tatooin.

  • tOmy`

    Ha, dubstep remix of Imperial March. The future has come to Milwaukee 5 years too late.

    #StayHip

  • I’m only a guest

    I don’t picture Luke having a child…UNLESS we get into his romantic past, which I don’t think these movies will do.

    I think it’s more likely that Leia and Han had a child (children?) and that they had a falling out (Han left, or their eldest child – Kylo – rebelled and split them apart).
    Maybe Rey is their daughter also. Maybe not. But her staff being a secret lightsaber is hardly a secret at this point.

  • Domo

    I just want a Jar Jar gravestone in the background.

    That’s all I really want from the prequels.

  • tOmy`

    She is Luke’s EU canon wife and one of the three characters I actually wanted to see a movie about.

    She was sorta right hand to you, so one would assume you keep a track of your employees. She is one of the main characters of Thrawn trilogy + makes appearance in games.

  • tOmy`

    I am still hoping for a throwaway joke about Gungan genocide. Or maybe Ewoks vs. Gungans massacre.

  • I’m only a guest

    Therefore she won’t be in these movies.
    You Thrawn fans need to give it up.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I don’t know if it will be via cloning, but I’d love to hear the explanation if they ever bring Vader back. Sounds like such a bad idea, no matter how big of a deal he is for the merchandising.

    If they can clone him once, what’s stopping them from having an endless army of Vaders?

  • Joe Syxpac

    What if Kylo Ren IS Vader’s clone?

  • Domo

    Have Rich and Mike done a “Which characters will sell the most toys” bit?

    Because that’s a series of predictions I would love to see.

    Supreme Leader Snooki will just fly off the shelves while Kylo Ren goes to the Clearance Bin.

  • tOmy`

    Oh yea, I know, I gave up.

    It’s not like “we” don’t know when to give up. This movie is taking place years and years after Thrawn storyline, so there is no logical justification for most of these characters to even make an appearance – sorta. I was just answering a question.

  • tOmy`

    Ballbot.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I know.

    I wish he’d just stop being old already.

  • tOmy`

    Beautifully put. You are getting a pizzaroll.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Wait, so if Han is looking for the Falcon, did Lando dick him over again after RotJ?

  • Zach

    What if the ice-Death Star destroys a planet, a la Alderaan, and that planet happens to be Naboo? Gungans would be extinct. And JJ Abrams would be instantly deified.

  • Domo

    I was expecting to be trolled again. I’m pleasantly surprised.

  • I’m only a guest

    True. But there’re a lot of stupid fuckers who still think (wish) that Thrawn will show up at some point (aintitcool, hint, hint).

  • Snake Squeezer

    I applaud RLM for the 2 shot on the dolly track. I can understand why they wanted to do something like that to increase the production value and also because so much of their stuff is done with fixed cameras. However, something about the back ground, perhaps because it’s pure black except for the toys, it kind of feels hard to tell if the camera is moving or not and the result is a bit nauseating.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    47 minutes?! What do you hacks think I’m made of? Time? Screw you and your overly lengthy filler content, where’s the next Pre-Rec?

  • I’m only a guest

    wouldn’t we side with the New Order, if that were the case?

  • It pleases me to see the RLM forum is in good hands. You might not know who I am, son… but I was there in the old days of the this site…. Rich Evans, the Showbiz Pizza Bear……… it’s all true…. all of it.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I think that was just a tripod on skateboards. I kept expecting it to fall over.

  • Domo

    It’s oddly distracting and nauseating.

    I keep expecting a seagull on rocks statue to show up on a desk, with multiple phones that aren’t plugged in, too.

    I appreciate their effort, though.

  • I’m only a guest

    I always liked the gorilla

  • Domo

    Don’t listen to him! He’s just babbling! Something’s terribly wrong with his thing in the mouth face!

    Care Boars! That’s what we want. Keep it nice and simple!

  • Joe Syxpac

    Who paid to build a third death star?

    How do you build a moon sized war machine inside of a moon without attracting any attention at all? Where do you put all that dirt?

  • bassbait

    I became a regular visitor to this site since about the time that Plinkett put out the Baby’s Day Out review. I’ve been here a long time but never bothered talking to anyone.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I just noticed something in this video. Two people sitting down, shot reserve shot. You were paying homage to Lucas!

  • Domo

    The backgrounds are more interesting, though.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The amount of toys seemed pretty dense to me.

  • Domo

    I haven’t watched any other Star Wars prediction videos.

    And now I know I won’t have to. Very thorough anal-sis.

    Rich Evans needs to fuck a Death Star, though. Pronto.

  • bassbait

    sounds like a porn. “Dick the Birthday Boy Shows Us His Death Star”

  • RiverDevil

    But nobody got up to go to a window, and then turned

  • Domo

    “I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of sperm suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.”

  • RiverDevil

    I thought they were called Gungas?

  • RiverDevil

    Spoiler alert. Luke, or rather the midichlorians, conceived Kylo whatever. He carried him, he gave birth. Like Shmee, it’s like poetry

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    In the EU han and leia have twins.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m actually a shaved wookie.

  • bassbait

    If the members of RLM were a boy band, then what would each member be? Here’s a freebie –

    Jay is “the handsome one”.

  • Joe Syxpac

    What if…

    …everything in the teaser trailers is a “Blue Milk” thing?

  • bassbait

    I will not betray the republic!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    “Sure is a lotta star wars types arund here…” *chews tobacca.

  • Domo

    Jack is Ringo Starr.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Rich is the Fatone.

  • RiverDevil

    Did you spend all night re-writing that?

  • bassbait

    Hopefully it’ll work.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    josh is the guy who could have been in the band but fucked it up be cause he thought he was better than them.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Jessi is the one who formed her own band.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    there is no topic, only ZUUL!!!!!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you went off topic first! Palpys behind it all!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    it feels like a trap.. but its really 47 minutes of mike and rich talking about star wars.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    True story.

  • bassbait

    Ha!!! They mentioned Ghostbusters in the video so that’s still on topic.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    What if we had milk from Clockwork Orange and this is all in your head?

  • I don’t see how Luke isn’t gonna be an Obi-wan type character, there’s far too many clues that hint at this. First off, it makes sense that he’ll be the source of the lightsaber, literally passing on the baton from the old cast to the new. It makes sense for him to be looking out for Rey, both as a force-sensitive, and as a family member (probably sent away because Leia’s political career puts her family in danger), and just like Obi-wan, he’ll be sketchy about her heritage, even the trailer dialogue suggests this. Like Obi-wan, he’s gonna die at least halfway through, if not sooner, probably making force-ghost appearances or voice-overs for the rest of the trilogy (after all, Mark Hamill is all about the voice these days). This explains Leia being so upset over the death of her brother.

    I reckon Rey and Kylo Ren will be siblings (probably not as far as twins) and we’ll get a compressed redemption arc that mirrors Luke/Vader, with Rey wanting to save Kylo, but a twist at the end being killed by Finn (possibly aided by Luke’s ghost), greatly upsetting Rey’s chance to redeem her brother. This will set Rey up to fall into an ambiguous area, like Luke, dancing between the dark and light side for the other two films. Far less sure about that though.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Damn, I would have got away with it to, if it wasn’t for you pesky kids.

  • Domo

    Josh is basically the Fifth Beatle.

    Eddie Murphy knows that sentiment very well.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz6ZwIlGfw4&feature=youtu.be&t=5s

  • bassbait

    speaking of Scooby Doo, those live action movies were great!

  • bassbait

    Arguably, Luke could be a good guy, but he could be mistaken as being a bad guy through something that happened between Ep 6 and 7. The trailers did make him look like a bad guy so maybe there’ll be some kind of mix-up and everybody hates Luke but he’s not a bad guy. I think that’s better than just making him Obi-wan, or just making him Vader/Palpy.

  • Domo

    But she’s the most valuable member of her band.

    Jessi. Is. Not. Ringo!

  • tOmy`

    Well, JJ said he wiped out the EU and that doesn’t necessarily mean that he won’t use the characters – hence some hope for some fanboys. Thrawn is also one of the few (maybe the only?) character from Thrawn trilogy that can be pretty much plucked out and inserted to these movies without any particular need for a backstory etc. He is just a badass genius.

    But obviously it is stupid and it won’t happen.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Any Yoko jokes and I will become … unpleasant.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *fade to black… Gunshot.

  • tOmy`

    The amount of music she has done lately makes me wonder if time really is just a flat circle.

    Very flat and very forgiving circle.

  • tOmy`

    Rich is the bass. Because he is all about that bass.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Thats silly. Time is made of Aids and and tin cans.
    AIDS=Tin Cans Squared. do you Einstein?

  • Snake Squeezer

    Why is no one mentioning the rape scene?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m sorry you could post me cash money and i’m not clicking on that.

  • bassbait

    I’m all about that Rich.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Here’s a thought.

    What if more time has passed than we’re assuming? This is a futuristic society and we can reason that people live longer and don’t show the affects of aging as soon. What if 50,60, or even 70 years have passed since RotJ? Luke, Leia, Han, would all be 90 to 100 years old. These characters could all be their grandchildren, or even great grandchildren. That way JJ bypasses most of the Expanded Universe bullshit and can build his own universe.

  • tOmy`

    Then you shall never know if she has all that right junk in all the right places.

    Spoiler alert: She has.

  • bassbait

    do you actually like that song?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Why bypass it when it was already ditched?

  • tOmy`

    Unfortunately, I do.

    I mentioned it here a couple of months ago that this one and Counting Stars are possibly the only pop songs I liked in the last decade. I am getting soft.

  • Marek Mettälä

    How did they recover Luke’s old lightsaber? It was left either in the pit of Cloud City or the surface of Bespin. Perhaps Finn is somehow related to Lando and found it as a kid while living in the Cloud City or something? I dunno, maybe I’ve missed it but I don’t hear people wondering about how the lightsaber was recovered.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Just for that extra shovelful of dirt to throw on the grave.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Let me give you a HAND with that.

  • Djorge

    The planet is called Jacko. It’s covered in Jacks, all laughing disingenuously.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    A Wizard did it.

  • tOmy`

    You couldn’t retrieve shit from Bespin. It is giant gas planet with murder-the-fuck-out-of-you core.

  • tOmy`

    FORCE TOLD HIM TO!

  • bassbait

    All About That Bass is *ok*. But when it comes to pop of the last decade (05 to 15), I can name at least the following –

    Kendrick Lamar – Swimming Pools
    Macklemore – Thrift Shop, Can’t Hold Us, Downtown
    Gotye – Somebody that I Used to Know
    Lady Gaga – The Edge of Glory, Poker Face, Paparazzi, Bad Romance
    fun – Some Nights
    Adele – Rolling in the Deep
    Drake – Take Care and Find your Love
    Cee Lo Green – Fuck You
    Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc
    Gnarls Barkley – Crazy
    Bastille – Pompeii

    idk that’s just what comes to mind right now. If I actually looked through the list I could think of a lot more. I especially like “Take Care”, “Crazy”, and “Swimming Pools”.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Now I’m picturing Andy Dufrene walking out of a death star construction site with pocketfuls of dirt.

  • bassbait

    oh and Daft Punk had Get Lucky and The Weeknd has “Can’t feel my face” which are both fun

  • Paul ‘Harry’ Harrison

    Awesome video chaps, as always – love your work, officially Rich’s biggest fan in the World here (sup Rich). My predictions… there will be someone from the prequels to connect them… Anakin or Yoda ghosts. Kylo is Han and Leia’s son (sKYwalker and soLO). He is trained by Luke and goes rogue as he is obsessed with his grandfather, Luke is ashamed and goes into hiding, it’s up to Finn (a stormtrooper in which the force awakens) and Rey… not a clue. And Han dies at Kylos hand. I agree Luke wants the force to fade out… good call. Luke will be the new Yoda, in hiding and train the noobs before dying in the second film.

  • tOmy`

    I somewhat refuse to consider Feel Good Inc and Crazy as “pop” songs – I really did use it more as a derogatory term for the obvious, mass produced crap. And for what is worth, the two songs I mentioned are at least trying to be properly produced and thought out crap.

    I assume there will be more for me as well. I really love Radioactive by Imagine Dragons, but I refuse to believe that it is a pop song, because I heard it in a ski movie before it even got famous – all my initial connection with that song is about how badass it is to ski to. I “like” some of the Major Lazer stuff and I would give a pass to Azealia Banks’ 212, but that’s just because it features the “I guess the cunt’s gettin’ an eatin” line.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, we jerked off to Get Lucky here as well. But for me, it is just a part of RAM masterpiece, rather than stand out single.

  • Markham

    Transcending cinema, and the art, a tale of hacks and frauds, eternally retold.

  • Richard Awesome

    Palpatine’s behind it all!

  • Chris Robins Kennish
  • bassbait

    I call it pop when it’s hitting the charts.

    If we’re just going to go with mass produced crap? Then I’d still stand behind Lady Gaga. In addition to the songs I mentioned, “Marry the Night” is great. Listen to it (the video takes 8 fucking minutes to play the song FYI). It’s got great, dark production, there’s light distortion on her voice as she belts the chorus. It may be vapid pop star shit, but it’s damn good shit.

    Also it’s cut off by one year, but “What You Waiting For” by Gwen Stefani is another amazing song that I think is really underrated. And again, the video takes like 3 and a half minutes before it plays the damn song.

    It’s funny how much I can talk about pop music even though if you were to look at my top ten most played songs on iTunes, you’d think that I haven’t even heard a pop song in my life.

  • tOmy`

    I am a sort of a defender of Lady Gaga (and her follower on Facebook, y’all!) but not so much of her music.

  • TrevMann

    Isn’t diversity the worst? Just the worst.

  • tOmy`

    “That’s no ice planet. It’s a space station.”

    Roll credits.

  • bassbait

    Idk. She’s got tremendous talent as a singer, and the arrangements on some of her songs are really good. Not to mention the vocal melodies, especially on “Bad Romance”, and “Just Dance”. I like how in Just Dance, the verse and chorus are fun, but the pre-chorus is kinda dark. It allows the song to be just dark enough to fit the tone of the lyrics without being downright creepy. I think it’s impressive that on Just Dance and Bad Romance, she turns in two significantly different vocal performances, with Just Dance being more soft-sung and Bad Romance being more, idk, I’d say “operatic” but that’s an overstatement. A bit louder and broader I guess.

    Keep in mind this is pop standards we’re talking about. Pop’s always had a problem of people just obviously not giving a fuck and even trying to make a song worthwhile. I think Gaga is one example of a vapid pop star who embraces it and puts some effort into it, and I respect that. One of my dreams is to be a pop star myself.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I had a fucking awful thought…
    The ice planet is just an ice planet and they faked up the deth star bits and filled the planet with Acme.Tm dynmite… Boom:Fake Out (wait wrong franchise… Ain’t I a stinker.)
    The real Death Star was parsecs away.
    *Insert Parsec’s a measurement of time comments below.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No its covered with this guy.

    https://youtu.be/-2RSu9Gw61U

  • tOmy`

    Hearing all these predictions and thinking about my own made me realize even more how prequels just straight up fucked up the whole backstory, background and universe beyond repair.

    The only chance to even get back to track is just to forget about them and pretend they never happened, because even the best conspiracy theorists wouldn’t be able to piece this clusterfuck together to some coherent historical outline.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    I predict the long-necked aliens cloned Jar Jar Binks because he’s a funnier character than they’ve ever had before. So, all the stormtroopers are Gungans. If I’m wrong, then on December 18th I’ll travel back in time to delete this comment, setting into motion a chain of events that will start World War 3. You have to pick one: World War 3 or Gungans? I know I’ve made my choice.

  • bleurgh

    Maybe Han didn’t know Leia was preggo when they separated. Leia raised her for a few years, then realised that she couldn’t care for a child whilst leading the resistance and gave her to Han to raise to adulthood. Would explain why Han is still on Tatooine.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    the dark secret is that 9/11 was to ensure the success of the prequels after they realised how much people hated jar jar.
    All the insurance and credit records for star wars were in number 5 WTC. the attacks were planned to take out that building to give Jorge Lucas the money to make the next two.

  • bleurgh

    She’s the leader of the resistance, having a kid around is asking for a kidnapping.

  • Domo

    “I predict the long-necked aliens cloned Jar Jar Binks because he’s a funnier character than they’ve ever had before. So, all the stormtroopers are Gungans. If I’m wrong, then on December 18th I’ll travel back in time to delete this comment, setting into motion a chain of events that will start World War 3. You have to pick one: World War 3 or Gungans? I know I’ve made my choice.”

    I have copied your comment so that we get WW3 and Gungans! Yay!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yeah… i may have gone to far.

  • bleurgh

    She won’t be Lukes daughter, she will be Lukes neice by way of Leia.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    CuttyPasta

  • Actually Mike is behind the prequels. He unleashed them upon the world only to get super rich with web videos that make fun of them.

  • TapewormBike

    I predict lots of callbacks that won’t lead to anything substantial and on later viewings only serve to annoy you.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That scenario gives Jorge Lucas too much credit as a conspirator with Mike.

  • Domo

    There’s a black ladder in this scene! It’s a callback within a callback within a callback! Visual storytelling at its finest!

  • tOmy`

    Christoph Waltz should voice BB-8.

  • TapewormBike

    Don’t you dare be funny when I’m trying to be grumpy. And get off my lawn!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yaeah! because the death star used white lights in a ladder formation on the walls! GET IT!!!!!!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    GNOMES!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    What have you done? The multiverse is collapsing!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *Christopher Walken.
    fixed.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its fine i live in tomorrow and everything is…..

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Groovy?

  • Mike IS George Lucas. All he had to do to go undercover was shave his beard. No one has recognized him since.

  • tOmy`

    We can start a band.

    I know how to spend money on drugs and booze. I am gonna cover that aspect.

  • TapewormBike

    Wait, 47 minutes? I should probably actually watch this.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    To be fair Rich plays George Lucas in the RLM Verse.

  • tOmy`

    The amount of thought Mike put into this is quite shocking.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Come Get Some.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    YEAS!ER!!!! is not a trap.

  • TapewormBike

    Considering the videos taking the piss out of people excited for the movies, it would seems so.

  • Don’t you see how that’s all part of his grand evil scheme, man. *inhales from bong* The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist, man.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    He also put a lot of thought into his Sandler movie predictions and look how far that got him.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    not really. rich was amazing. because he was closer to my predictions.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Dude I make bongs for breakfast.

  • TapewormBike

    Where do you put the bacon?

  • bleurgh

    All of the films you mention Apart from 2001 follow the Heros journey. If you’d read the book and knew what you were talking about you would know this. As you don’t this conversation is pointless.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    in my mouth!? then i smoke da ganja.
    Edit;then i eat more bacon.

  • TapewormBike

    Now that…is quite a good…comment…..pal.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Relax Dr Silberman or I will ask to borrow your pen. My good chum.

  • How do you even run a farm? That’s impossibru for a real stoner.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    farm?

  • bleurgh

    You’re a few centuries too late for that sentiment I’m afraid. Society is multicultural and I prefer the films I watch to be a reflection of reality.

  • John Bigbootay

    I don’t get why people are so thrilled to have Luke be the bad guy. I like him as a good guy. Making him evil is just a cheap, fan boy plot device as a substitute for creative thinking. They sound like Mike doing his lispey kids voice when they’re throwing that idea on the table.

  • I mean…. your flock of sheep.

  • AmazingSpiderHam

    Just male a 10 minute video with Plinkett already

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I have lizards and cats. sheep are just food… man.

  • Jason Ross

    You hackfrauds.

    It’s Beef Supreme Snoke.
    Get it right FFS.

  • You interbreed lizards and cats? Oh, mai gawd!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Lizats.TM

  • Commander X

    It’ll all be fanservice callbacks for people who think seeing X-wings and HAN MOTHER[BLEEP]IN’ SOLO on a movie screen is better than heroin (because seeing Indiana Jones again in 2008 was such a delight).

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its a CGI Kiwi.

  • Jason Ross

    Mel Gibson?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No, he is a rabid American.

  • pete smith

    Such a shame they are doing this instead exclusive jar jar binks movie. Easily TO FUNNY and compelling character in the whole franchise or perhaps in the whole cinematic history.

  • Joe Syxpac

    It’s biggerer and betterer than the two previous death stars.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    My TFA prediction? It’s gonna be Star Trek 2009/STD all over again. Flashy,dumb,endlessly pandering to mindless fanboys of the series and so on.It’s gonna be universally adored,rake in 2 billions dollars at the box office and I’m gonna see it in theatre as well and hate myself for it.

  • Commander X

    I predict it’ll be another one of these deals that’s technically a sequel, but that recycles the structure, plot, and visuals of the original so heavily it’s really a de-facto remake, like Jurassic World or Terminator Genisys.

    Part of me hates the oncoming nerd spectacle – Star Wars crap merchandise everywhere, even in places it doesn’t belong. Part of me, a shriveled up part that loves engaging in a bit of schadenfreude is enjoying it though, to see the Disney people work over all the 50 year old fanboys for every last dime, buying the latest round of toys and whatnot.

    One reason for my admitted lack of excitement over Star Wars: More Star Warsin’ is that Abrams is nothing if not a soulless hack, so while the Star Wars faithful will shriek on opening day and for weeks afterward at how awesome it is, in two years everyone will be puzzling over why it seems like such an empty movie. Abrams specializes in mercenary gigs making slick, formulaic action movies that are minimally entertaining enough to get butts in the seats for a couple of weeks but have zero personality or enduring appeal; this makes him practically modern Hollywood royalty given their obsession with cranking out rapid-fire barrages of sequels that make all their money in 2-3 weekends, then flush easily down the memory hole to make room for the next reboot.

  • DudeWith GreatAdvice

    Oh god… First of all, you guys forgot to mention who will be the new Yoda. You know, the second most important character to the Star Wars franchise behind Darth Vader.

    So. Luke is going to be the new Yoda. In a turn of misdirection, Rey is the new Vader. Rey is shown crying because somehow the Rebels killed Finn by accident. Leia in turn is crying because Han could not redeem her, and Rey turned to the dark side. Kylo is just a tool, to be killed off, as you pointed out.

    Of course the secret will be that Luke’s kid, will battle his cousin, Rey.

    Screenshot this mofos.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Will it be forgotten about in two months?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    We still talk about prequels so I don’t think this movie will be forgotten anytime soon regardless of it’s quality.

  • DudeWith GreatAdvice

    Also, this movie will most certainly be better then the prequels. I mean, it won’t even be close. I think they will mix up the trilogy a bit. The 1st and 2nd movies will have the Empire kicking ass, with the 3rd movie having good finally win. 1 and 2 will be dark, Empire Strikes back types.

  • Domo

    Spicy Dorito Beef Supreme Snoke.

    Try it with a chalupa!

  • DudeWith GreatAdvice

    Who is the Yoda character? Obi Wan was just an extension of Yoda, an over riding good side of the force mentor is most likely assured. Welp. I guess Luke then, huh?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *Choopa

  • Let’s save the money for movie tickets, go to a strip bar and make some TNA predictions.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Some will be saggy and some silicone.

  • Some will spread AIDS and some gonorrhea.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I will be a time of plenty… Plenty of fucking EBOLA!

  • Jason Ross

    Han has acquired Jabba’s palace. Pays for scavengers to search for his lost ship. That’s how all the characters converge on Jakku (the wookie name for “Jabba” given to the area around the palace)

  • bleurgh

    Kevin Smith said he’d like to make a Star Wars movie that redeems Jar Jar called Meesa Kills. He pitched a Taken style movie where Jar Jars family is strangled to death in front of him using his own tongue and he spends the rest of the movie as a mute assassin seeking vengeance

  • Joe Syxpac

    I thought the wookie name for Jabba was “Wwaaaaarr”.

  • Moist

    Faulty contraceptives.

  • Jacob Maher

    The prequels are remembered because they’re so terrible, if the new movies are mediocre I don’t think they’ll be remembered for too long.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Rey is restoring the Millenium Falcon or another YT-1300, on the scrap world (that I’m sure ‘they’ said is NOT Tatooine.)
    That is why Han is surprised.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Kevin Smith smokes more weed than I do. he is not to be trusted.

  • IRONMANAustralia

    How about Luke was tempted by the Dark Side so badly in Return of the Jedi, (and he did actually resort to anger), that he’s subsequently like some kind of Dark Side drug addict?

    So he self-exiles to some far away island and becomes a hermit going cold turkey on the Force, never using it again for fear he’ll turn into a total Sith junkie. Like some kind of self-imposed rehab programme?

    That might explain why his lightsabre would be in someone else’s possession, (though admittedly not his green one).

    That story would be appropriately emotionally driven, dramatic, and consistent with the Emperor’s assertion in RotJ that, “You, like your father, are now mine”, instead of that whole scene and the Emperor’s influence being something he can just decide to shrug off like a bad cold.

    Maybe he even tries to revive the Jedi order, but has some kind of incident where he gets angry and it scares the shit out of him. Maybe his friends even have do some kind of intervention. So with Luke being the only, (fully qualified), Jedi left, they are forced to let the Jedi order go extinct. But they give Leia the lightsabre ‘just in case’.

    Also the new bad guys might be previous students from Luke’s failed attempt to revive the order, and he fucked up just like Obi-Wan did with Anakin, because he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, (and/or was arrogant due to the influence of the Dark Side). Han and Leia’s son being a natural candidate for such Jedi training – and this subsequent clusterfuck causing enough animosity and drama between these friends to split and go their separate ways.

    Though I hate that Frodo ring bullshit and Lord of the Rings personally, I’m presuming Disney would have noted the success of that kind of “addiction” concept with the unwashed masses.

    I could be wrong, and after that fucking Star Trek movie, I wouldn’t be surprised if Abrams has Han is running around the Millennium Falcon with puffy hands doing slapstick with Chewbacca who is otherwise down in the engine room fixing steam pipes, (fuck that movie was bullshit).

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Well I mean Disney is planning to milk the SW cash cow pretty good. When you’re gonna make one movie per year eventually it will all become a blur and the only points worth remembering will be how the “Disney’s Star Wars Cinematic Universe ™ “began and how it ended.

  • bleurgh

    Yeah, Yoda and Obi Wan are basically the same character and serve the same function in the story. Yoda was created to fill the The Master / Trainer role left by killing off Obi Wan in A New hope.

  • bleurgh

    Jay is the gay one who stayed closeted because the label didn’t want his teenage female fans to find out.

  • Joe Syxpac

    It’ll be like the Clone Wars show that I don’t remember anything from because it wasn’t important anyway.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you need a blue tongue on your head. how else will people know you’re australian?

  • I’m_Your_White_Knight

    Power Metal is Pantera’s highest rated album on metal-archives.com. Although those are the kind of people that generally hate Pantera (or anything with a beat), I would probably agree with that ranking. I Am the Night is pretty great, too.

  • Earth

    Holy Shit! I’ve been to the island that Mark Hamill almost died on. Skellig Michael. Place built by monks like over a thousand years ago.

    Edit: which the video then points out five seconds later. Really need to watch the whole video before posting.

  • bleurgh

    We talk about the prequels because they were unbelievably shit though, not because they were mediocre.

  • SPOILERS! See you losers december 16th, I’m not watching this. I hate Star Wars anyway, just look at my face. Until then…

    “Live long and prosper” -Biggs Darklighter

  • This is just 47 minutes of Mike inserting the officially licensed Star Wars BB-8-analplug (Ages 8+) into Rich’s sarlacc pit. You’re missing out on the pornographic fun, aquagirl!

  • YFNEF

    I already downloaded the video to reupload it in case you hack frauds delete it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    DMCA!

  • Like Icare

    Richard Feynman would choose go to a strip bar.
    And he was a scientist man.

  • Like Icare

    Information wants to be free, yo!

  • Like Icare

    Ryloo Clooney?

  • So do 1080p bluray rips, man! Fuck the man!

  • Rearview Boney?

  • Like Icare

    Fuck the man!

    But in a metaphorical way. Not in a gay way.

  • I already torrented Space Cop, even though they probably haven’t even gotten to the final cut yet. BWAHAHAHAHAH!

  • Like Icare

    Have you checked the contents of the torrent?

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/11/04

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    BOTH!!!!!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    boney m.

  • Commander X

    “A sweet-faced boy of twelve told me proudly that he had seen Star Wars over a hundred times. I said, ‘do you think you could promise never to see Star Wars again?’ He burst into tears. I just hope the lad, now in his thirties, is not living in a fantasy world of secondhand, childish banalities”
    – Alec Guinness

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    All this snow makes me think of winter….

    https://youtu.be/2sGJl2LNFaE
    EDIT: my bad wrong page.

  • I hear she likes her daddy’s cool. Can you confirm that?

  • Germany recently passed a law against whistleblowers..

  • 360 megabyte? That’s cute. I download 25 GB before even reaching for the Kleenex.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’ll ask Rasputin.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    deutschland deutschland uber corporate…. how is das Volksvagon today?

  • Gorrister

    I’m pretty sure Jar Jar is actually Darth Plagueis, Palpatines master. He influenced the midichlorians to create Anakin, then led Qui Gon to him. He then created the Empire by giving Palpatine emergency powers.

    Jar Jar is the key to all of this. The one who set all the wheels in motion. The true phantom menace.

  • Like Icare

    I know, right? Remember like Y2K and that shit? Megabytes were SO much larger back then.

  • Marvin Falz

    The last paragraph of your comment describes exactly what I’ve realized while watching Mike’s and Rich’s predictions. With Episode VII Star Wars sinks into meaninglessness. It’s just another big budget movie without a soul and that means without a story that somebody needs to present to the world because the world needs to be told that story.

  • playdude92 .

    I predict, that the rebels WILL NOT be in charge at the beginning. The galaxy will pretty much have no central government. I never really thought, that the rebels ever wanted to *replace* the empire, just defeat it and live in piece. (Before the horrible prequels anyway)

    Instead they´ll be a kind of vigilant order of warriors and soldiers, slowly recruiting and gaining in size. To be ready, if a new power emerges to take control of the galaxy.

  • Like Icare

    That’s why I keep a broken disk full of donkey porn (think of it as a nature documentary) in my garbage can and all my secret stuff hidden in between my porn.
    No one would ever wade through all that porn without gettin… distracted.

    They’d have to hire special gay investigators. And even then there’s way too much dick and pussy there.
    It took me 12 years to make that porn barrier. Fuck Truffaut and his 400 strokes. He didn’t have a clue about stroking.

  • Marvin Falz
  • Like Icare
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I just post my dick to get over the whole Net Embarrassment thing.

  • Outstanding video!

  • Cooking of the Duck Meat

    I hope it’s not what I think it’s gonna be.

  • Bubs

    This is the first RLM video I’ve ever not-watched on purpose. Me and the lady started to watch it, got about 10 minutes in and realized they were pretty much spoiling the movie for us(because I expect a lot of the stuff they were saying is actually correct). Great video, had a lot of fun for the first 10 minutes.

    Guess I won’t be watching this video for another two months…

  • catoblepag .

    Bravo, sir. I fully agree and I couldn’t have said it better (and that’s not surprising, since my english is not too good). In the last 15 years I’ve seen Hollywood goin’ down in ruins thanks to talentless men like Abrams and producers who found the perfect formula for economic success: never try something new and different and invest most of your budget in advertising and marketing.

  • Gallen_Dugall

    My prediction is that if the movie isn’t great JJ Abrams will quickly become known as Jar Jar Abrams.

  • Marvin Falz

    Cloning is the explanation given in the EU why Palpatine reappeared after RotJ. It sounded bad to me either. But I liked the idea that the Empire isn’t instantly out of order just because the Emperor and his number one warlord have died, although the end of RotJ suggests universal peace as if the local governors were completely helpless without the Emperor and the military without Vader. It wouldn’t be far-fetched if someone else lusting for power would take over the Empire and another one the military. These someones don’t necessarily need to be Sith or Jedi.

    Another idea is that the Empire breaks apart into regions controlled by their local governors, who all begin to work against each other, since a potential unifying leader missed out on his chance to take over. The rebel alliance starts to fight against these governors. It’s the next logical step, since the rebels never had this amount of power and influence as the Emperor had. Not even Luke is as powerful as the Emperor was, so he wouldn’t likely to be the next Emperor. Also Luke was never portrayed to be a political leader.

  • Marvin Falz

    Anthony Daniels reports in one of the official Star Wars documentaries that he has seen a painting of C3-PO and immediately fell in love with this character. He instantly knew that he was destined to be him. Something like that.

  • Marvin Falz

    FULFILL YOUR DESTINY1

  • Michael Collins

    These men are frauds, and they don’t get it..

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Perhaps you dont Machelle. did you think that?

  • Michael Collins

    Seriously, can’t you find someone worthy of stalking?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    But you already spoiled the movie for yourself. You watched A New Hope didn’t you?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It’s sad that you think I bother stalking you. ask Bubs about stalking.

  • Michael Collins

    You so edgy, are all drunks as edgy as you?

  • Fartastic

    I would have loved to see an all-gray and slightly bent Chewbacca who can’t roar too long without coughing standing next to Harrison Ford. They’d be like twins.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    hahaha, ouch.

  • tOmy`

    As I am mercilessly trying to stay on topic, here is another thought: Did you know that in Thrawn trilogy, they were 3 great final space-battles and none of them required the use of a big space station? How cool is that?

    Also: Does anyone else have that weird feeling that at some point one of the main characters realizes that the only way to take down this space station is to ramming-speeding it right into that big exhaust, while his redneck family nods approvingly on Yavin 4?

  • Otto T

    Luke On Dagobah would be my hope.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you Trawned? I’m so hard. do you KotoR?

  • tOmy`

    Andy, we both talked about Thrawn for past couple of months. Did you forget to take your cat-bite medicine?

  • Michael Collins

    Oh yeah, predictions..

    I predict lens-flare!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you had me at medicine.

  • TheManHole

    It’s going to be great check it out! $$$

  • tOmy`

    I already called that the Starkiller uses planetkilling lens-flare-beam.

    In full fucking 3D.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    that is to easy. your parodying yourself. i’m out.

  • Michael Collins

    I didn’t see that, so my prediction stands, and trumps your prediction, so boo hoo.

  • tOmy`

    SO MUCH CYNICISM!!!!!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    “The Starkiller Base is the key to all this, if we get it working, ’cause it’s a bigger Death Star than we’ve ever had before.”

  • tOmy`

    The funny thing is that no matter who is right, we both lost at the end.

  • tOmy`

    “Guys, I didn’t how to overcharge the Death Star, because it was already sorta planet. right? So the best idea would be to hide her into even biggerere planet.”

    $$$

  • tOmy`

    While I pretty much agree with your awful skepticism, I think the “dumb, loud, big” movie will work slightly better in SW universe than it has in ST universe.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Your comments are great, mostly because, in my mind, I imagine Beatrice making them. Such a bitter old lady. Well, how else could it be? Having been married to Plinkett for all those years, but most importantly, so very dead.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I miss Sully and Taco.

  • Bubs

    Why do they keep building these fucking death stars? The resources required are massive. And they keep getting fuckin’ blown up!

    Could a giant planet-killing machine which is easily destroyed be the most impractical thing in the entire galaxy? I’ll let you decide…

    But the answer’s yes.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Palpatine is behind it all.

  • Gallen_Dugall

    That’s a contradiction since they present themselves as not getting it.

  • Michael Collins

    Darth Vader described the Death Star as a “Technological terror”, that’s high praise dude..

  • pete smith

    I think they get it right eventually. Surely that guy who designed that ventilation system got fired.

  • Bubs

    Darth Vader tried to murder his pregnant wife so that he could save her from dying in Childbirth. Just sayin’…

  • Michael Collins

    That never happened, prequel shit..

  • tOmy`

    Blame the current market.

  • Jason Ross

    Supreme Snoke is pictured here on the left:
    http://popzara.com/assets/2012/10/20/snorks_complete_01550.jpg

  • Like Icare

    Yup… All the soul there was got spent on the first movie.

    That one that Lucas worked on for a decade or so… building it on foundations of his childhood memories of “awesome stuff” and actual RESEARCH into where that awesome came from and what it was based on.
    And then he did rewrites and rewrites, mixing and matching all those mythical and fairytale and adventure elements, cribbing from other sources – from samurai movies to war movies to Buddhism…

    He basically went across the cultural library of “awesome” and cherry picked the parts with most awe in them.

    Wizards and WW2 battles? Saving the princess, saving the world, saving the universe? Become a knight – like your father, who was secretly a noble knight and not just some 9-to-5 schlub. Strange foreign lands of adventure and excitement. Lazors and swordz and gunz. Oh my.

    MAAAAAGGGGIIIIIIIICCCKKKKKKK!!! It’s real! It’s ALL REAL! THERE REALLY IZ MAGIC OUT THERE!

    Why NOT have all that? Fuck Flash Gordon! This one is much better and it has hookers and jackpot… well… their equivalent with princesses and hitting that “one in a million shot, kid”.

    From then on… It’s all been riding on the “soul” of that first one.
    One built from the splinters off of some really big and influential trees.

    Empire took those bits and crystallized an polished them out.
    It had to expand on the existing material to do that, but it had a good template of what else to plug in and what to expand – like adding Yoda and expanding the Emperor, while building up all characters.
    Thus, Jedi works despite being basically empty of substance and much of it being a rehash of the original movie.

    Only now they sneak in to rescue the rogue instead of the princess, they blow up the Death Star in a bigger space battle – and in another one back on the planet, like that battle on Hoth. There are even walker tanks too. Only smaller, because trees. And there are sword fights with Vader. Again.

    Original cribbed from the global culture, Empire did the same while expanding on the original movie, Jedi cribbed from both those movies and added an ending to it all.
    By the end of the original trilogy it’s already all just recycled material and references to imagery in previous movies.

    Lucas didn’t try to “rhyme” things cause he loves rhyming so much – he had no where else to go, without grabbing stuff other people have already though of in the meantime.
    And that means sharing wealth. And why would he do that, when he knows that it will be HUGE.

    So… he went to what was left of his notes and tried to put together something which he forgot how it works, with parts he didn’t have, while trying to fit it in with a completely different story, adding parts that are there because… toys… and children… in half the time it took him for the original.

  • tOmy`

    And that answers the question of where you would you even fuck Supreme Snoke…

  • Jason Ross

    Let me flesh out the Imperial logic here:

    First two Death Stars: able to move but still destroyed

    New Death Star: can’t move on its own

  • Amarzden

    This Death Star will be much biggerer & betterer than the last one.

  • TheManHole

    Where did Sully go?

  • By the time episode IX comes around it will be the Death Galaxy shooting death rays from its intergalactic black hole sphincter. Imagine the biggest rosebutt you’ve ever seen.

  • Amarzden

    Chewie should be in a wheel chair like Captain Pike.

    Beep.

  • tOmy`

    Let’s be honest, a space station of the size of Death Star that doesn’t have a hyperdrive and moves as fast as my dead hamster might prove to be a bit impractical in an infinite universe anyway.

    “Aight, we took down Yavin. What’s next on the list? Hoth? Okay, well, better build a nursery and start breeding new personnel, cuz that’s gonna be hell of a trip.”

  • Amarzden

    What if they run out of gas? Will they be able to refuel it at a Texaco?

  • tOmy`

    Not with these prices. Thanks a lot, Space Obama!

  • Like Icare

    Yeah, well… You can do that if you have a reliable postal service.
    Mine is all populated with hacks and family of hacks.

    True story.
    My postman, in all seriousness, asked me if he could in the future leave packages for me in a small electric-parts shop across the street.
    Claiming he often saw my dad hang out with those guys. What?

    And… you know… climbing 3 floors of stairs is like… hard.
    For a government job that requires no skill, has all the old-times social-net packages, a regular paycheck when others wait for theirs and basically no way of getting fired.
    Oh and then Hong Kong decides to stop mailing anything heavier than a letter here cause so many packages kept getting “lost”.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Into The Wild

  • Jason Ross

    Their homeworld has like thirty-seven k’s in it. Jakku is good enough

  • Bubs

    I know you were joking, but gas prices where I live have been fucking astounding. I paid $1.89 at the pump the other day. Is it worse in your part of the world? Because if so, you guys should try invading Iraq. It worked for us.

  • Hey! I just read Disney is banning slave Leia and any sexy depictions of the character by their artists. My Plinkett! Disney has joined with Lucas to further destroy my childhood.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Thanks…I guess?

    NOW GET OFF MY LAWN BEFORE I CALL THE COPS MOTHERFUCKER!

  • Like Icare

    Galaxy is already doing that on its own.
    http://www.nasa.gov/content/goddard/fermi-data-tantalize-with-new-clues-to-dark-matter

    “gamma rays with energies between 1 and 3.16 GeV detected in the galactic center by Fermi’s LAT” – that’s a lot of gamma rays.

  • Like Icare

    They live under water. Just like Goongas.

  • Like Icare

    This one won’t be exploded. It will be imploded. With Red Matter.

    Ask your local Vulcan how that goes when Jar Jar is in command.

  • tOmy`

    Uhm, I don’t drive, so I don’t know what is the exact price right now.

    But from what I gathered on the web, it seems we are around 30Kč per liter, meaning we pay around $1.20. We are getting most of our gas from Russia as far as I remember.

  • Amarzden

    This 3rd Death Star will fix the engineering flaw of the first 2: They were too small & not powerful enough. All they could do was blow up planets in the blink of an eye! pfft so weak.

    We’re gonna need a biggerer Death Star. It will be able to blow up the whole universe! This will solve the problem.

  • Like Icare

    Red Matter folks. It’s a Jar Jar movie.

    Luke is gonna show up out of hyperspace, just like Spock out of a time portal, with a bottle of Red Matter and crash it into the planet and make it fold in on itself.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    it’s actually the best approach when it comes to just about anything(but mostly movies)-keep your expectations low and grounded in reality(i.e. it’s probably gonna suck)-in the end it allowed me to enjoy and be surprised by more media&things that you could ever count.

  • tOmy`

    *error

  • tOmy`

    Absolutely. Except Radiohead albums.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Melmak.

  • Anders Hass

    >easily destroyed
    You needed the force to destroy it in the first movie 😛

  • tOmy`

    Or approach that fucking shaft from 90° angle. So many Bothans died and you did exactly jack shit with that information, Rebel Alliance.

  • Milton Dammers

    Star Wars has been dead to me since Prequel 2: Whatever The Fuck It Was Called. Never even got around to watching Prequel 3: Who Gives A Fuck.

    I was kind of interested in this for a bit… the movie looked like it could be good… but it seems there’s another Death Star, with another trench. This is just such a staggeringly dumb idea at this stage. It was a cop out in Return of the Jedi to have Death Star 2, 30 years ago.

    Fuck movies!

  • TheManHole

    It is my rule in life to always think every form of media is going to be shit. This way if I am right then I get to say I told you so but if I’m wrong then it is a pleasant surprise.

    Where as if you go into thing expecting them to be great you just end up disappointing when it ends up being shit.

  • astoday

    I still think we haven’t seen the true hero of this movie yet.

  • Milton Dammers

    The Imperials don’t have any logic with developing and deploying their hardware.

    Wide open frozen wastes? Why, lets use big, slow, lumbering walkers with huge legs that are conveniently prone to the rebels hi-tech weapon of “some rope”.

    Heavily wooded moon? Lets use ridiculously fast speeder bikes, with huge turning circles, that explode on contact with trees.

  • Milton Dammers

    Lumpy the Wookie?

  • Commander X

    During the run of the 1970s Star Wars comics, Luke and Leia had to sneak aboard a superweapon called the Tarkin which was a stripped down battlestation built around a superlaser with lots of armor, defenses and shields and no exhaust port. Fortunately Leia managed to do a little reprogramming that caused it to self destruct when fired, later.
    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tarkin_(superweapon)

    I remember this mostly because those old Star Wars comics were my early exposure to the art of Walt Simonson. who is quoted here:

    We began finding out what would be in the third movie, accidentally. We didn’t do it deliberately. David’s first story after the second movie: the Empire’s building a new Death Star. Lucasfilm said: ‘Sorry, you can’t do that.’ Why not? ‘We can’t tell you.’ So, we said okay, how about if we do a giant cannon floating in space, with no circular shell? ‘Okay, fine, no problem.’ So we called it the Tarkin, wrote exactly the same story with the same gizmo, and nobody cared.”

  • tOmy`

    The true hero will be the audience. Because we have been tricked three times already!

    It’s so meta, it doesn’t even rhyme.

  • Bubs

    I picture the production meeting going something like this…

    Peon: “So what should the movie be about?”

    JJ: “Well.. the first one had the Death Star…. and the third one also had a Death Star. Maybe we should switch it up this time… and build a Death Star.”

    Peon: “Don’t you think people will see that coming?”

    JJ:”Not if we… ELECTRIFY IT!”

  • Bubs

    His name was Lumpy Bacca.
    That’s like saying “John, the Negro”. YOU RACIST!

  • tOmy`

    Peon: “Well… how do you wanna electrify it?”
    JJ: “Let’s call it… STARKILLER!”
    Peon: “Well… that’s fucking dumb.”
    JJ: “How’s your kid’s college? Tuition still that high, huh? What would they do if you suddenly lost your j-”
    Peon: “Okay, okay, Starkiller it is.”

  • Commander X

    Here’s a quote from one of those Expanded Universe novels, written by Walter Jon Williams, (whose cyberpunk novel Hardwired I remember reading ages ago), where Han Solo opines on superweapons and what the Empire would have done if they were still around to deal with an invasion force:

    “What the Empire would have done was build a super-colossal Yuuzhan Vong–killing battle machine. They would have called it the Nova Colossus or the Galaxy Destructor or the Nostril of Palpatine or something equally grandiose. They would have spent billions of credits, employed thousands of contractors and subcontractors, and equipped it with the latest in death-dealing technology. And you know what would have happened? It wouldn’t have worked. They’d forget to bolt down a metal plate over an access hatch leading to the main reactors, or some other mistake, and a hotshot enemy pilot would drop a bomb down there and blow the whole thing up. Now that’s what the Empire would have done.”

  • Mr Flibble

    Agree with all of this.

  • Or General Grievous.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    At least they give employment to a whole lot of construction workers… or you think it is all done by construction droids? In which case, forget I said anything.

  • Bubs

    Peon: “Okay… so will it be more well-designed than the other Death Stars, at least?”

    JJ: “No! That’s the genius of it. It’ll be bigger, slower, and more difficult to staff. No one will see it coming! But… BUT, it’ll be able to blow up entire Stars!”

    Peon: “Oh… but… why would they want to do that?”

    JJ: “YOU’RE FUCKING FIRED!”

  • Amarzden

    I more or less agree. Abrams likes to keep his movies totally spoiler free, but when you go watch them there’s never much to them to justify such secrecy. They’re always super basic. It’s clear from the trailers exactly what this new movie will be: a copy-paste of A New Hope with a sprinkling of other famous elements. We see a bunch of obvious parallels in the trailer despite the confusing editing.

    There will be a desperate fleeing from Star Destroyer scene at the start

    The captured rebel person that needs rescuing

    Then the call to adventure for a simple farmboy -er I mean scavager

    The Empire will slaughter uncle owen -er I mean Reys people

    An old person will provide the needed exposition

    Han Solo will transport them for 10,000 republic credits! Or just because he’s a good guy.

    Something gits blowed up by the Death Star

    attacking the trench

    Rebel base attacked

    friend/mentor dies

    Death star blowed up/damaged.

    And gay robots.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Wasn’t “Starkiller” the original last name for Luke? It’s like poetry.

  • My first PC was a 486 with a 500 MB hard drive.

  • It’s like the Bush administration… IN SPAAACE!

  • Paul S.

    I’ve never loved RichEvans more than when he snaps out the answer “Twin Ion Engine” to Mike’s question about the meaning of TIE. Somebody GIF Mike’s response please.

  • There are heroes on both sides.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Let’s hope it’s not just a new new hope. If they make Luke a bad guy they can go fuck themselves. You can tell Mike respects Rich’s predictive prowess.

  • Bravo Romeo

    “Fool me thrice, now we’ve got pubic lice.”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me chicken soup and rice.

  • WHAT?

  • Bubs

    Well I hope they all got put into Darth Vader suits after the destruction of both Death Stars. Otherwise, a good paying job don’t mean shit if you die while doing it.

  • Not if you refuse to watch it. What’s that? You already bought the tickets to see it? Oooooohlllllllll.

  • Quotidian, Man

    Yep. I guess I was in denial because I didn’t even notice the death star until Mike and Rich pointed it out. A little bit of my soul shriveled and died.

  • tOmy`

    To break up the negativity we created today, here is something positive to think about: Since we talked about pop music today and about Oasis a couple of days back, I present to you the latest interview with Noel:

    “Fame’s wasted on these c****s today. Bar Kanye. You watch him on the MTV Awards and you think, ‘You can f****** stay, you’re alright,” he said.
    “Who gives a s*** what f****** One Direction do? C*********s, all of them in rehab by the time they’re 30.
    “Who gives a s*** what Ellie Goulding is up to? Really?”
    “Adele, what? Blows my f****** mind. It blows my f****** mind. Nobody cares!”
    “I don’t want interesting! Rock ’n’ roll’s not about that. To me, it’s about f****** utter gob*****s just being f****** headcases.”
    “What I want, genuinely, is somebody with a fucking drug habit, who’s not Pete Doherty. Do you know what I mean?”

    It really doesn’t get much better than this. Proceed with your Star Wars predictions.

  • TapewormBike

    And if the number of times you fooled me is four, let me just say that your mother is a big fat…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He just needs to let it in.

    MTV pop music trash culture not the force that is.

  • Quotidian, Man

    They should have gone the opposite direction and built a billion little death stars to float around zapping individuals that didn’t behave. Ouch! Damn Death Flea!

  • Paul S.

    the battle of gunga

  • RLMkeepitup

    much military strategy was developed after that crisis left the empire with blue balls

  • RLMkeepitup

    also blowing up an entire semi-habitable planet to prove a point is pretty dumb.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m gonna feel so special, being one of the few people on the planet to not see this movie.

  • tOmy`

    So I started watching New Hope and right off the bat I have two questions:

    1) So we have Rebel alliance who are basically the good guys, right? And Leia is collaborating with Rebels, while being in a position of princess and a person working for Imperial Senate. Now one would assume, that Empire and Imperial Senate do have something in common. But apparently not. Are they that neutral they just don’t give a shit about anything happening?
    2) Leia totally shot first.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Leia is hardcore. I’m kinda glad they left space politics outta dat movie tho

  • “The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I’ve just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently.”

  • tOmy`

    Yea. I absolutely forgot they talk about it at the start and it is pretty confusing. Well, not that much, but still…It’s not exactly clear who is trying to achieve what. One would assume that Imperial Senate is on the Empire’s site, or you know… what prequels told us, but this whole diplomatic thing is just a throwaway couple of sentences and not very clear.

  • tOmy`

    Well, Emperor was like the guy in charge, right? What good will dissolving the senate do? It will just give all the other parties a reason to join the Rebels. He already has the upper hand… So… what?

    You know, I am really overthinking this, I know, but I am sorta glad they never went to explore this particular route, because it just sound unreasonable…

  • RLMkeepitup

    the word disintegrated would have cleared things up. he was so drunk with power by then it’s probably what happened

  • Maybe the Emporer sent all the Senators little boxes like John Doe did.

    Or Jorgé is just shit with space politics.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Funny. I thought I’d be happy to talk Star Wars here, but I have no interest in reading any of the lengthy theories. I don’t have any theories of my own, either because I just can’t be bothered to think about the trailers that much.

    I’m interested in seeing how close Rich and Mike were, though. And was nice seeing Mike’s continued descent into madness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oifhpT0HZ7Q&feature=youtu.be&t=42m39s

    PS. What’s wrong with its FAAAAACE?!

  • Quotidian, Man

    I am bummed to learn that Kylo Ren dies in this one (Adam Driver’s not listed in the next film and they have cast a new bad guy). As for Rey crying over someone in the snow forest at night, the person may not be dead but only injured. In that case it’s probably Boyega she’s crying over and he can still be in the next film. She picks up Luke’s lightsaber and kills Ren.

    Luke’s not evil as that would piss off too many fans. Otherwise I agree with all their predictions. Uncomplicated, kind of dumb = JJ Abrams.

  • He also has a permenent little Hitler moustache/shadow in that scene. I kinda wanna follow him.

  • TapewormBike

    I don’t frakking care. Like at all. I don’t think I’ll bother seeing it in theaters.

  • You dubstepping hacks! Stop sucking up to the new generation! What are you? PREQUEL LOVERS? I’m looking at you, Stoke-laser!

  • tOmy`

    Sorry to break it to you, but deep-house and trap is where it’s at these days.

    #CheckYourFacts

  • TapewormBike

    “It’s a deep-house!”

  • RLMkeepitup

    I don’t want to cram and wait in line to see it, maybe wait a few days first.

  • Gallen_Dugall

    I’d say uncomplicated, lots of plot holes = JJ Abrams.

  • tOmy`

    Well, the more I think about it, the more sense does it make. As I said, I was just overthinking it.

    I do wonder what the space taxes currently are, tho…

  • TapewormBike

    I’ll let you guys tell the story to me.

  • Imesseduptheemail

    My prediction is that it will be completely awful, but not quite as bad as the prequels.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Mike don’t forget to film theater madness for the plinkett review. Oh wait, youtube will be full of it anyway. may the forced nostalgia be with you!

  • TapewormBike
  • Thanks for making me feel old, asshat.

  • *fade to black, gunshot*

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  • Like Icare

    Five HUNDRED MegaBytes…

    I remember a review of that first WD disk with TEN whole GigaBytes.
    “You just save everything right on the drive.”

    Now I have to add TeraByte drives just to keep my porn… umm… handy.

  • TapewormBike

    Why am I the one the spam talks directly to?

  • Maybe you look poor? 🙁

  • TapewormBike

    Nah. The string I use to hold my pants up is Armani.

  • Trask

    Lust, love, infatuation, obsession.

  • Or maybe you are pretentious? ;P

  • TapewormBike

    Well, now that you mentioned Kubrick….

  • RLMkeepitup

    in that order

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ma’am? it appears your LINK is broken? How can I change my life for the better if you don’t guide my sinful mind towards salvation? Please respond within 24 hours before I’ll kill your entire bloodline for mocking the hard working class I proudly belong YOU CUM GUZZLING DEGENERATE FAILED ABORTION!

  • Palpatine

    So here’s my theory about the film… ah, fuck it, the Off-Topic Gang is here, I mine as well wait until they’re gone.

  • Robotpals

    Plinkett(s) discussing Star Wars. God bless RedLetterMedia.

  • Captain Turbo

    Hey lady, you want a cocktail?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    What if Rey kills Kylo, and that’s when she learns he was her brother. That would justify her crying.

  • Quotidian, Man

    And Kylo Ren can’t be the son of Solo and Leia because if he was he wouldn’t get killed off in the first movie. So there goes the coolest possibility for the entire film… damn it

  • Maybe building it underneath a planet is not only good cover, but it allows them to directly convert the planet’s own resources into building it? That’s the only way I can really see it making sense, since they’re only supposed to be the Remnant of the Empire, which you’d assume would be fairly strapped for cash compared to what they were like in their glory days.

  • Captain Turbo

    1) Nerd answer — Leia was always part of the Rebel Alliance and her position in the Senate was a cover. Correct answer — Lucas was just making shit up as he went.
    2) She did in my dreams

  • Like Icare

    Nah… He’s the man in charge through intrigue, power and the Force, but he’s still keeping the senate as a pretense of some local control still in the hands of the individual star systems.

    So while that ancient bureaucracy is arguing with itself, he’s playing all sides (including rebels – whom he keeps as a threat to the Empire, same way “separatists” were a “threat” to the Republic) – until he builds his Death Star.

    At which point he simply goes “Now you’ll all do as I say or I’ll Alderaan this Death Star up your ass. Welcome to feudalism, bitches.”
    Sorta the way Hitler didn’t take over all the power in Germany in a day.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    But you hate Star Wars! You’re Palpy: you hate everything!

    Except for money.

  • Captain Turbo

    Obi-Wan comes back from the dead to save the day. The twist is Ewan MacGregor doesn’t play him, they’re going to trot out Alec Guiness’ moldy old corpse and reanimate it using the power of science!

  • tOmy`

    Yep, that is the exact vibe I got from it after the Death Star meeting. It just came of rather confusing at the start – maybe mostly because I remember it with Czech dub, where they just call it “senate”. I think…

  • Like Icare

    Indeed. I’m seriously expecting that “Easter egg” to be shoved in somewhere.
    Along with a pointless cameo by Tyler Perry.

  • I doubt they’d do this, but it would be interesting that, if they went with the antagonistic route for Luke, they’d sorta make him a more Kreia/Darth Traya-type figure from KOTOR 2. If he’s trying to prevent either new Jedi or Sith from popping up by not teaching the ways of the Force, it’s kinda like a lite version of her plan to outright eliminate the Force’s influence on the universe. Though the idea of them borrowing elements from the old EU might not be too far-fetched. I mean, they basically aped Revan’s outfit from the same series for Kylo Ren and just made it uglier.

  • Palpatine

    I’m not GrumPa, I don’t hate everything.

  • Like Icare

    I thought it was more like Finn the Human.

  • TapewormBike

    They’re annoyingly on topic.

  • tOmy`

    There is like 450 Star Wars related comments. And I was just about to make this one:

    How the fuck didn’t Vader know that Leia is his daughter? Also: He can’t stand seeing his son being tortured, but he is apparently okay with torturing his daughter himself.

  • Captain Turbo

    “I’m dealing with a lot of crap right now. Eh, Death Star blown up by a bunch of fucking teenagers, y’know?”

  • Captain Turbo

    It’s Rylo Kloon, dammit!

  • Palpatine

    I hope they don’t go that route. I hope Luke is an Obi-Wan type character.

  • TapewormBike

    Why would Disney let the Internet go all “Ahh, my childhood is ruined. Again!” with the brand that markets itself like this. Luke will be wise for about 10 mins and then the cool kids will fight the evil peeps.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Practice what you preach, old man.

    Oh, am I part of the Off-Topic Gang?

  • I doubt he’d be outright evil; maybe just a Gray Jedi. He doesn’t have to be a Sith or even at all bad to be an antagonist in some way.

  • Palpatine

    The Gang currently consists of tOmy, Andrew, Tapey, dscw, and Bubs.

  • Palpatine

    You seem mad that we’re talking about Star Wars, is everything alright on your end?

  • Captain Turbo

    That’s not a gang, that’s a time bomb.

  • TapewormBike

    I’m allright. I’ve just chosen the Dark Side as my way of life.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Okay, I usually tend to be a Jack of all trades in things, anyway.

  • Palpatine

    That’s something that’s confused me as well. Vader just randomly seems to know at the end of RotJ that he has a daughter.

  • Like Icare

    Semi-habitable is a very good point.
    If it moves around from a system to system the surface would be devoid of life and probably even of breathable atmosphere pretty damn quick.
    Like punting Earth next to Neptune. Hello darkness my old friend.

    Also… isn’t that basically… umm… Apokolips?
    Home of the… you know… Darkseid?
    Will DC sue?

  • Palpatine

    Personal stuff got you down?

  • I hope they’d at least make him a grumpy old man whose stubborn about the whole thing. Maybe he did try to start a Jedi Academy like in the EU, but it blew up in his face. Maybe he took Kylo as his apprentice personally because he was his nephew, and then when Kyle fell to the dark side and pulled an Anakin, Luke just decided “fuck this Force shit, this is too much for anyone” and goes into exile, adamantly refusing to teach it until the climax.

    That’d also give him a reason why he wouldn’t even trust his own daughter/niece about the Force right away; he’s already had it backfire after he tried to teach it to another relative.

  • TapewormBike

    Lucas needed badly someone who would keep track of continuity, even back then, when others were writing the scripts.

  • TapewormBike

    All we can hope is that they don’t make Han, Leia and Luke the three Spocks of the movie, going “Well, when we were dealing with this…”

  • Cedric ‘Zen’ Johnson

    Mike, you missed the whole point of the Rebels moving to Hoth. The opening crawl of Empire says the Rebels are on the run. The Battle of Yavin was *one battle*. They might have destroyed the Death Star, but there’s still an Empire with countless Star Destroyers out there perfectly capable of carpet-bombing a planet to oblivion. Say you’re a bank robber, and after a successful intel-gathering run, the cops follow you to your hideout and send a tank after you. You somehow manage to take out the tank; are you going to stay at that hideout when the cops know *exactly* where you are and that you destroyed their expensive toy? You’re an idiot if your answer is ‘yes’. This is not to say they didn’t *return* to Yavin later (perfectly good base infrastructure left behind), but saying they were there the whole way through Empire and Return is ignorant.

  • I thought it was just him probing Luke’s mind during the fight. Like he was initially just trying to find him by searching for his thoughts, and kinda just stumbled upon the information while doing so.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Vader senses Luke’s feelings for her. He’s just kind of prodding around Luke’s mind until something ticks.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Exactly.

  • Booyakasha Booyakasha II

    It’s nice to see Jackúu Harris getting some work.

  • TapewormBike

    I’m not gonna whine in here. Not anymore.

    Lightsabers.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Kreia is a better written character then the TFA script quality as a whole(calling it now).

  • trumpy

    Kylo=Loki

  • It wouldn’t be that hard. Kreia was a fucking GOAT.

  • Crixxxx

    Captain Phase-ma?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Wanna went in exile/manhole?

    No lightsabers there though.

  • tOmy`

    You know, I have been on a Star Wars rant for past 12 hours. I am not sure if you are really annoyed or just taking a piss, but coming in and saying “Well I wanted to post my theory but I am not gonna” is hardly a solution to this “problem” – especially on the comment section that has been filled with great insights, jokes and theories about Star Wars ranging from Prequels and the OT, to the TFA and EU.

    It’s “dress the part, be the part”.

  • 13,70 dollars? How does that work?

  • TapewormBike

    Nah, I’m cool. What are you, all Jedi mindreading me now?

  • Ogrot

    That’s entirely too small. It will be so big that part of it will be stuck in a different dimension outside of the confines of our own galaxy. And it will just bulldoze into entire galaxies like some kind of intergalactic Katamari. And then everyone will just hit it with laser swords.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I can’t wait when it goes off(as in I’m gonna livestream my own suicide or smth-IT’S GONNA BE GREAT)

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’m just offering a warm butthole for your problems bby

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Captain Apes-Ma? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lMsPtt2f1I

    I thought Phasma would be pronounced like “plasma”, though.

  • Phasma Coil?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Greatest thing Obsidian has done to this day. Give me Kotor III instead of this Episode VII malarkey!

  • TapewormBike

    Maybe later. No, definitely later. OK, come here.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It didn’t seem to have any impact on politics – the destruction of Alderaan did not cause the rebels to think twice or stop them from taking out the thing that most threatened them. Based on the prequels, sanctions, blockades, political maneuvering, and droids seem to be more effective against revolt.

  • They could be pulling a Hawkeye; they kept hinting that he was going to die in Age of Ultron. Renner wasn’t listed to be in any upcoming movies. Then after the film had been out for a while, he was revealed to be in Civil War. There’s a chance Disney is intentionally misdirecting the public with the cast lists. That’s why I’m not 100% sure Han is going to survive Episode 7.

  • But we have The Old Republic! Isn’t that…so much…better…?

  • TapewormBike

    Wait, didn’t Obsidian make Planescape?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    You are not alone.

  • TapewormBike

    Pchasse-Moi

  • TapewormBike

    I guess it only gravitates towards the cool people.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Black Isle Studios did that one which had some key Obsidian members like Chris Avellone. I consider playing it solely for that reason alone because usually CRPG that follow D&D rules aren’t really my cup of tea.

  • Captain Turbo

    Obviously she’s referring to pre-decimalization and meant 13 pounds, 5 shillings and 10.

  • TapewormBike

    The battle system and overall gameplay was sorta meh, but boy is the whole world and narrative immersive and dark and twisted, very much unlike traditional D&D stuff.

  • Captain Turbo

    Pachinko?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I think Phase-ma is something that Shakma does or has, but not all the time and only under certain circumstances and drugs.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    The spam, it speaks to me.

  • RLMkeepitup

    is the Shakma II crowdfunding coming along yet?

  • Andrew J. Miller

    I’d be totally in for an old witch style Star Wars villain like Kreia. Her turn wasn’t entirely surprising in the game but it was still powerful cause of how well written her character was. Fucking KOTOR II was the shit…dunno why people shat on it.

  • Andrew J. Miller

    I’d love for him to take a page from Yoda’s book and act like a senile old bag of bones and fuck with Finn and Rey.
    But yeah I agree with your reasoning about the Kylo apprentice thing.

  • ReviewTheReviewers

    Mike the last 30 seconds was awesome. You guys are fucking great.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “I’d love for him to take a page from Yoda’s book and act like a senile old bag of bones and fuck with Finn and Rey.”

    The ancient secrets of Yodasutra? You’ll have to wait for the porn parody, I fear.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    That needs to happen. I’d cast Russell Brand in the Roddy McDowall (X) role because I don’t particularly like him. I also want to see him ripped apart by an angry monkey and figure this is the fastest way to make that happen.

  • my biggest fears are having both Rey and Kylo be related to the OT’s characters in whatever capacity. I’ll accept Rey as a Solo but please no villain relation. We have this gigantic setting yet 10 characters to decide the fate of everything are related or friends.

  • frankelee

    You’re going to wait all the way until December 18th to delete this? I’d be surprised if lasted the rest of the week!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    That’s what happens when you let mind probes do the work instead of doing it yourself. Admittedly Vader probably had a lot on his plate and maybe was a little tired from all the force choking he’d just done but still, one missed chance to turn things around before they got out of control.
    #Notearsforvader

  • It’s gonna be great

  • Tommy Wiseau

    Oh Hai Mark and Rich. Maybe I can have a roll in the Star Wars as a great Sith Lord who is betray by everybody and I don’t care anymore

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s what 99% of the fanbase wants.

  • 99% are dumb.

  • Snake Squeezer

    It’s getting pretty great numbers. 80,000 views in 24 hours.

  • Like Icare

    You mean contact them through the viewscreen and then proceed to beat the shit out of the antagonist while yelling “I WILL NEVER CROSS TO THE DARK SIDE! NEVER! NEVER!”?

  • Andrew J. Miller

    Sasha Grey makes her triumphant porn return as Rey

  • Palpatine

    Calm down, I was just joking. Now that you mention it, I will be posting my theories on the film later on.

  • Palpatine

    I find you and your film overrated.

  • tOmy`
  • RLMkeepitup

    the trailer was missing some naked sith ass to tempt Luke to the dark side

  • It’s no Samurai Cop.

  • Earth

    Oh God they’re totally gonna make Star Wars (A New Hope) 2.0 aren’t they?

    Imma make my own quick prediction. Most of its basically what Rich and Mike said but whatever:

    Boyega and Oscar Isaac will steal a macguffin from the “Empire”. Isaac will get captured and mindraped by Kyle Reese. Boyega will crash land and meet Ripley, who’ll then run into a crazy old man in the desert, but this time it’ll be Han Solo with Chewbacca who actually can make a weird roaring noise. Boyega will want to rescue Oscar Isaac while they head over to the X-wing people, so first they’ll infiltrate the “Empire” base, then they’ll go to a wretched hive of scum and villainy where they’ll meet Leia, who gives them the lightsabre, then they’ll join the X-wing people (rebels, government? Whatever) then they’ll all go to the Ice Planet to stop the Death Planet from being built. Boyega will fight Kyle Reese (and maybe die). The ending will be pretty dark and low key (I’m assuming they won’t blow up Death Planet) but it’ll end on a high note when Ripley meets Luke, who maybe communicated with Leia or something.

    So… the only stuff I can’t figure is how does the little CG alien fit into this? How does Captain Plasma fit into this? Or Andy Serkis? Does Boyega die? Does Kyle Reese die? And does the Death Planet get blowed up in this movie or later?

  • Snake Squeezer

    Don’t let him lure you to the dark side, Tommy

  • Hank_Henshaw

    George Lucas, the writer, didn’t know, how was poor Vader supposed to know.

  • BCFC25

    Rich Evans didnt jerk the droid off at the end

    /Unsubscribed!

  • Like Icare

    Same way he didn’t know Luke to be his son – until Palpatine told him.
    And even then he goes “How is that possible?”

  • Like Icare

    You forgot to jam in the Millennium Falcon in there somewhere.

  • Earth

    The Millenium Falcon goes with the Han Solo territory. Solo will work both as an old man Ben Kenobi character who starts them on their adventure and as the pilot who has a ship that flies them off Tatooine/Desert Planet.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Earth

    That’s right honey pie work that (merchandising) business.

  • Earth

    I dunno about Darth Vader coming back. I feel like that would just piss people off. Maybe I’m overestimating people. But at least with Han Solo, Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker and Leia, there are at least some legitimate reasons for bringing them back. With Vader (and Palpy) it would just be stupid. It would be the equivalent of bringing back Dracula with magic blood every Hammer Horror B movie.

  • Like Icare

    Or Han dies and Chewie lives… with Finn the Human.

  • Palpatine

    Alright then, it’s time for me to make my BS theory for The Force Awakens.

    So the film will begin with Finn and Poe Dameron on a First Order Star Destroyer. They’re both spies for the Resistance trying to steal plans for the First Order’s secret weapon. Finn, disguised as a Stormtrooper, pretends to bring Poe on board as a prisoner. Finn offers to take Poe to his cell, but is rejected by some other Stormtrooper’s because they don’t recognize Finn. With their plan blown, Finn decides to steal the plans himself. He makes his way to Kylo Ren’s quarters, where finds not only the plans, but Darth Vader’s mask and old lightsaber as well. Finn, grew up hearing stories of the Jedi, decides to take the Lightsaber for himself. Unfortunately, he gets caught by Kylo Ren, and tries to escape. After making his way to the hanger bay, Finn steals a TIE Fighter and starts blowing the hanger up, and soon escapes, but Kylo Ren has Finn’s fighter shot down, and it crashes on the planet Jakku. Finn survives, and makes his into a nearby town, where he meets a scrap collecter named Rey, who saw his ship crash. Finn tells Rey about what happened and shows her the Lightsaber.

  • Like Icare

    The only reason they need Vader is for all the moichandise.
    He’s like the Mickey Mouse of that universe. Gotta keep selling them easily identifiable masks and stuff…

  • Django Plimpton

    I think the only callback to the prequels that wouldn’t totally ruin the trilogy is if they bring back Ewan McGregor as ghost Obi-Won

  • RLMkeepitup

    yeah it’s def strange Finn is there with Chewie in the Falcon.

  • Like Icare

    “Finn tells Rey about what happened and shows her HIS Lightsaber.”

  • Palpatine

    Rey tells Finn that she knows a crazy old guy who tells stories about his supposed adventures with a Jedi. The old guy, as it turns out, is Han. Han and Chewbacca are surprised to see Luke’s old Lightsaber after so many years, and they offer to help them him. Finn tells Han that the Resistance base is on Yavin IV, and its leader is Leia, who Han fell out with many years ago. The group then heads out into the desert where they find the Millennium Falcon, which crashed there after a battle years ago. After fixing it up, the gang is chased by some TIE Fighters, but they make it out alive anyway.

    Okay, that’s all I’ve got for now, but I’m sure I’ll think of more stuff later.

  • RLMkeepitup

    qui-gon drinking his ghost jin to talk about midichlorians some more!

  • Like Icare

    BTW, is it just me or is this commercial hilarious? In a “Whoa, dude…” kinda way.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLPc2G-yWiU

    Also…
    Yo dawg, we heard you like Millennium Falcon, so we put a Millennium Falcon in your Millennium Falcon so you can Millennium Falcon while you Millennium Falcon.

  • Earth

    But they do that anyway. Why does Vader actually have to be in the movie to justify merchandise? Just make the merchandise anyway.

  • RLMkeepitup

    what about luke? I picture him just chanting in a temple and saying wise things like qui-gon should have done

  • Palpatine

    Same here.

  • Like Icare

    Because MORE merchandise?

    These movies are like Transformers movies now.
    Sure. You CAN sell toys that are not advertised in a movie… but everyone will want the toys they’ve seen in the latest movie.
    Not some old toys.

  • bassbait

    you could just crowdfund a monkey and send it to his house.

  • Like Icare

    Gin is not ghost. It’s spirit.

  • bassbait

    don’t forget “you cocksucker motherfucker”

  • bassbait

    I hope Luke is a good guy but the other characters think he’s bad for some reason, that way he can be exiled and then make a triumphant return.

  • potato – batata

  • It seems like this movie is going to rhyme a bit too much. Having said that I do hope we get to see Jar Jar’s desecrated grave or hear that an angry mob murdered him after it heard that he helped Paply seize power.

  • Robotpals

    Would a cloned Darth Vader come complete with the costume and mask? Because otherwise you’ve just got Hayden Christiansen.

  • bassbait

    it does it to me on other websites.

  • They might give him a costume that looks like Vader’s, you know because the audience is dumb. And because it would rhyme. Although, if there are dollars involved, it would be smarter to make the costume a bit different so that people buy both Darth Vader and New Vader toys.

  • bassbait

    I’ll tell it to you right now. I got a leak of the whole movie so here you go –

    Luke Starkiller blows up the Tattooween and then Darth Cashgrab gets upset and fires a rocket into the sun destroying everybody the end. Brought to you by Pepto Bismol.

  • bassbait

    That’s what I wanted you to think, with your soft, human brain.

  • TapewormBike

    Stormtrooper dude is a witness to some shite that he finds too much for his own moral integrity, gets noticed by the NonDarthVader and is then chased through the ship. When he’s confronted by the ultra evil fucker he somehow deflects the attack via The Force, which he had no idea he could use. Confused as all cunting hell, he fucks off via the escape pod, which then falls to the IGuessNotTatooine.

    Mad Max chick is looking for scrap but finds Stormtrooper dude. They scare the shit outta each other, but manage to not kill each other as well. Stormtrooper dude sees the other side of the life in the Galaxy and since he can’t get the cushy job back, he pretends to be all deep and understanding and shit. He helps the Mad Max chick with some gangster related issues, when he uses a piece of scrap the Mad Max chick found, which also happens to shoot like a stable ray of laser, ya dig? They’re best buds after that.

    Stormtrooper dude knows shit and needs said shit to be told to someone who’d use it, before the NotEmpire goes all fucking Dodo on fools. This weird old guy in a bar like smells something on them and follows them around. He turns out to be this guy with massive fucking daddy issues, but telekinesis as well. Promises to help Mad Max chick and Stormtrooper dude. But here the ting, ya? ‘s Luke. And even though he acts and looks like a bum, he’s actually not gone the way of Obi Wan, but he’s pretty fucking actively going around and seeking people with Da Power or whatever. His sis in the meanwhile (who he talks to with like his brain) is leading an attack that’s gonna blow things up.

    Then this senile veteran and his bear get involved and is all like “Whaaat, I totes know you and banged your sister? Oh she here somewhere? Shit, she gonna be pisseeeed”. There’s like a scene where his ex talks to him before they gonna do some blowing up and they bitter, yeah, but you know the sparks there too, still.

    Now you think that the end will be in space, but guess what mofo? The thing they are going after is on a planet that’s all Christmassy all the time! And they be attacking, instead of defending! Y’know, kinda doing the start of the second movie with the camels, but kinda like not doing that.

    They win, but THEN the shit goes south and someone looses their dick beater.

    At least that happens to be my humble guesstimate..

  • TapewormBike

    Hey, don’t brag.

  • Palpatine

    New Vader’s suit can be a shiny, chrome black that has a button on it that plays a dubstep remix of “The Imperial March”.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Palpatine

    Dude, you just copied my theory on the film!

  • TapewormBike

    I ain’t reading that much text, don’t be crazy.

  • Palpatine

    I couldn’t think of anything else to theorize after the first act.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I bet John Williams could make the best porn movie score in the history of porn movie scores.

  • TapewormBike

    Me neither, but that’s due to not knowing much details. We can all have some ideas about how they get together and what stuff from the OG movies gets referenced, but we can hardly speculate on what gets complicated in the second half, when we have no real idea about the motivations and threats.

  • That gave me a headache.

  • bassbait

    Beef Supreme is coming out of retirement??

  • Like Icare

    Oh. So they go to Planet Christmas. Where it’s All Christmas, All the Time!

    Do Poe Dameron and Kirk Cameron then join forces, in saving Christmas?
    http://www.efilmsworld.com/images/Saving-Christmas-film-2014.jpg

    While looking a bit like a duck.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    what do you mean?

  • bassbait

    with “All Star” by Smash Mouth playing over the credits.

  • All alone. With his stupid opinions.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Now that’s my tempo!

  • bassbait

    Deal. I’ll do all the instruments and songwriting, you can do all the drugs and alcohol.

  • Marvin Falz

    “Original cribbed from the global culture, Empire did the same while expanding on the original movie, Jedi cribbed from both those movies and added an ending to it all.By the end of the original trilogy it’s already all just recycled material and references to imagery in previous movies.”

    I think Jedi could have been a good third act, but it was badly written. And it caters too much to the fans. Fan service is bad. A nod to the fans here and there is alright but the danger is that an artist, a filmmaker corrupts his own integrity in creating a solid piece of art. The prequels are cluttered with references in the dialogues to dialogues and events in the OT. Because the fans like these dialogues and events. Subtle references to the real world we live in through visuals, names and also dialogues help to give a movie deepness, as you’ve written:
    “And then he did rewrites and rewrites, mixing and matching all those mythical and fairytale and adventure elements, cribbing from other sources – from samurai movies to war movies to Buddhism…
    He basically went across the cultural library of “awesome” and cherry picked the parts with most awe in them.”

    All of this was there but it wasn’t in your face. A movie full of subtle references to the real world and other works of art can be so much more than just another simple movie, since you can, say, read a book and find something in there which instantly reminds you of the movie and that creates a link in your mind between these two works. It’s an aha-experience.

  • The Summer of George

    Rich Evans: “I’m not the biggest Star Wars fan.”
    A psychologically-shattered R5-D4 would beg to differ.

  • StopThinkingBrainUrGoingToHurt

    This was pretty spot on, except you missed that Lord Snooki is actually Jar Jar. Jar Jar was the key to all this… it’s like poetry.

  • The Summer of George

    Also, Po is crying for Luke, her wise old mentor, just like Luke cried for Obi-Wan.
    Rhyming poetry.

  • Philip Anero

    “I’m not gonna do it”.
    Only a sith deals in absolutes.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Whatever the plot, I hope MC Chris gets some material out of it, such as a follow-up to IG-88:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut-KyLQujQA

  • Mark Bisone

    Here’s the obvious quality of the film’s premise that these hackfrauds somehow missed:

    This whole business of covering up the existence of the Force and the events of the original trilogy is an obvious meta-commentary on Lucas’ constant revision and vandalism of those films, and his refusal to release the original classics in a suitable format for modern young audiences.

    Its not just about technology and remastering though. It’s only been thirty years, but those versions — unsullied by illogical special edition changes and those baffling prequels — have basically “passed into legend” for the average kid who will go and see this new flick. Like Bambi wandering into Plinkett’s dungeon, that more innocent brand of storytelling has been lost, and with this plot element, J. Jonah Abrahamson is trying to imply this new film will recapture it.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    No pantaloons? They’re stylish.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “It’s heroin, kid.”

  • My prediction is that the whole movie is going to be a relay-race to get Luke’s light saber to his daughter, Rey. She will probably get it near the end of the movie. This will set up the next movie where she will learn the ways of the force and become a Jedi.

  • TapewormBike

    Without a proper explanation, that’s a pretty awkward gift to be sending to your daughter.

  • Wolvy

    KYLO REN anagram:

    KY LONER

  • Palpatine

    Can you imagine if this video was done with Jack and Rich instead of Mike and Rich?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’m glad Rilo Kiley is back together, even if it is just for a movie.

  • Marvin Falz

    Speaking of laser swords: for reasons not yet known to me, nobody wants to become a laser sword swallower.

  • Marvin Falz

    I know exactly that I am so going to not see the movie in theaters. Maybe I won’t see TFA at all.

  • TapewormBike

    You complete me.

  • bassbait

    That’d be an embarrassing way to die.

  • bassbait

    it’d be twice as long, with half as much said.

  • TapewormBike

    I have no idea what you’re talking about. Please, describe it.

  • Palpatine

    They’d probably spend half the video laughing.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    nicely put.

  • Marvin Falz

    And gaming.

  • bassbait

    do you think lightsabers also have a vibrate feature?

  • Earth

    To be honest I agree. Cave Johnson’s shtick did get old quickly. J.K. Simmons was great for the part, but the writing was repetitive.

    Then again, nothing can replace the line, “Science isn’t about why. It’s about why not? It’s you and me against the world son, I like your style. You make up your own rules just like me. So let’s solve this thing.”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    no, vibroblades are something else.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    the next person who makes the it rhymes joke, is going to be bombarded with poetry.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Noooooope.
    A cgi Alec Guinness would be less offensive.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yeap. this^

  • Earth

    Hello Jack
    Hello Rich
    Star Wars is coming out
    Yes
    And we…
    We are…
    We are going to make predictions on what the new movie…will be like
    Yes
    (Laughs) Well Rich, what do you think…will happen…in Star Wars…The Force Awakens?
    Well Jack, I think……….

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Russell would fuck it then smoke it… poor monkey.

  • Palpatine

    Huh huh huh huh huh huh!
    Hahahahahahaha!

  • Palpatine

    Do you know any good poems?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Captain Parmesan Cheese.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hey this comment section is this on topic!

  • Palpatine

    Let’s hear your theories on the film.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Fine. Rey and BB8 are enemies in “Who’s Cuter” competition.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    we went off topic at comment 15. And it was you saying that Australians and Euros like going off topic.
    stop pretending its other people, its you!

  • Palpatine

    Personally, I think Rey will be Han and Leia’s daughter instead of Luke’s.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But that’s too similar to the EU stuff isn’t it?

  • TapewormBike
  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    Yeah, but then there’s the plot hole of the woman Luke had Rey with.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    your feelings are strong, especially for… Sister!?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They could mention a woman you know.

  • Palpatine

    But what about that whole “Jedi’s can’t have personal relationships” crap?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s obvious they’re ignoring the Prequels so fuck that rule.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *waves hand. ‘you want to take your pants off’

  • Palpatine

    True, true. But I’m still leaning towards Rey being Han and Leia’s daughter though.

  • bassbait

    Here’s an excerpt from a pretty good one –

    Putty. Putty. Putty.
    Green Putty – Grutty Peen.
    Grarmpitutty – Morning!
    Pridsummer – Grorning Utty!
    Discovery….. Oh.
    Putty?….. Armpit?
    Armpit….. Putty.
    Not even a particularly
    Nice shade of green.
    As I lick my armpit and shall agree,
    That this putty is very well green.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And YOU!

  • bassbait

    I know I have a personal relationship with my lightsaber.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    true love?

  • Palpatine

    Gross.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I don’t care to be honest. Going in cold for me is good. But I can’t see them as twins because that Daisy Cutie looks like she’s in her late teens early 20’s. Adam Driver clearly is in his 30’s.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “This weapon is your life”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    sorry i’ll put pants on

  • Palpatine

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!

  • bassbait

    I think we can all agree that the prequels are a form of masturbation.

  • Palpatine

    This is why speculating on this is so hard, because of the little information we’ve been given. But you know what, I like that. Less is more, after all.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Maybe he was spending too much time in Obi Wan’s outer rim.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I know the theme is family but what if Rey and Kylo Ren are not related all? One of them could be in the Skywalker family but not related at all.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    New Hope Leia made me shoot first. Bouncey bouncey.
    C3p0: “The princesses jiggly boobs wont save her this time.”

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    In acetone?

  • Her child out of wedlock?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well I suppose a wookiee is hung.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    He identifies with Kanye…? who didnt see that coming. Cunts love other cunts that make them look less like cunts. the cunts.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Serf: “I have a Bachelor of Stellar Engineering. I dont need this shit. I could get a job building any planet sized weapon in the galaxy. I QUIT!”

  • Aliens at the Manhole. Sort of. Come one, come all!

  • Palpatine

    Stop trying to change the topic!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    no, there are none.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    oh thats “ode to a small lump of green putty i found in my armpit.”
    A classic. I miss Douglas.

  • *Fade to black, chainsaw noises*

  • Fuck Star Wars. Seriously.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Sentient beings are Hanged. only meat is hung.

  • Maybe all that Jorge always dreamed of was to get into the rap game and bust some sick rhymes.

  • But where?

  • Wherever you please.

  • Palpatine

    A review of a Star Wars movie is what made this site popular in the first place.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    wo-man? Never seen one.

  • Earth

    It’s impossible to recreate Rich Evan’s laughter.

  • Maybe. My first contact with RLM was Half in the Bag.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Plinkett’s dead. Mike killed him.

  • I’m gonna shaft dat sexy death star exhaust port.

  • Palpatine

    So why does the first part of The Phantom Menace review have over six million views on YouTube?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That is one of the most psychotic things ever said. who are the Jedi a street gang?

  • Yes. This.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Because its 10 years old.

  • You know the answer as well as I do. My point is that I’ve become fed up with the craze recently, everyone is just talking about Star Wars. Get a fucking life.

  • bassbait

    your overconfidence is your weakness.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    WOAH! Thats how i feel.

  • Palpatine

    You could be nicer about it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Could.. but why bother.

  • I’m using hyperbole.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I had a HyperBowl.

  • bassbait

    favorite Star Wars quote GO –

    “No, I am your father”

    I took it early so now people have to come up with a different one.

  • Domo

    So, I told the husband this morning on the way to work that there’s a Mike/Rich Star Wars prediction video. He asks if Rich jerks off to any droids and I said “Like he’s ever going to do that in front of a camera again. That was a one-time deal.”

    Just a short while ago, we watch the video together, and I doze off towards the end. When I wake up, husband goes “You were wrong. They re-uploaded the video and added Rich jerking off at the end.”

    I completely fell for it.

  • ‘I know.’
    Just sheer Ford badassery.

  • Earth

    That came out of nowhere even more than when Rich said, “Mike, tell us about The Jar, because fuck you”.

  • bassbait

    a true classic.

  • Palpatine

    Look, I’ll be honest, I’m not trying to get hyped up for the movie either. Because if it sucks like the Prequels, I’ll be disappointed as hell and pretty much give up on the future of Star Wars.

  • bassbait

    I saw that coming. I was honestly waiting for Rich to say something like that for a while.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I was about to click on the video. till I read your last line.

  • Domo

    “Oh-oh. Icky icky goo!”

    Tee heee!

  • bassbait

    my real favorite is “I hate sand”

  • Earth

    “You know Anakin, the Sith Lords have the ability to stop pregnant women from dying during childbirth”

    That’s Star Wars dialogue right?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    “Beam me up Scotty.”

  • Palpatine

    Yes.

  • bassbait

    Spaceballs isn’t canon.

  • Lay off the kangaroo urine..

  • I try.

  • Earth

    What are you talking about? Mike is always so polite and well-mannered around Rich.

  • bassbait

    but what if it *was*?

  • bassbait

    You can tell who wears the pantaloons in the relationship.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    ok that is GENIUS!

  • Palpatine

    “Wesa no like da Naboo. Da Naboo tinkey dey so smartey. Dey tink dey brains so big!”

  • You haven’t watched it yet?

  • bassbait

    how could I forget that one?

  • How wude!

  • You know, I think Star Wars was fine with the lack of a future it had before the prequels. It would have been a classic that wasn’t tarnished by Jorge’s obvious attempts at nickel and diming that happened in the 80’s. Almost everyone forgot about those terrible cartoons, shitty toys and whatnot. Now, it’s about to start again.

  • Palpatine

    “Yous’n thinken yousa bigger den da Gungans? Meeeesa likea dis! Maybe wesa beien friends. Blblblblblbl!”

  • Earth

    All Palpy dialogue is best dialogue.

  • My nephews didn’t forget. They love the prequels. They are the real SW to them.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yeah i have. but Domo has earned enough trust that if she said they re uploaded the vid I would trust her and click and watch it for the fourth time.

  • Palpatine

    No! Do, or do not, there is no try.

  • That last part was very lifelike.

  • Palpatine

    “Binkssssss?! Yousa owesa the life play with this’n this’n?”

  • Earth

    “YIPPEE!”

  • Abuse them while they watch the prequels and they’ll repress them for the rest of their lives. Use that special charm of yours, mein Herr.

  • I’m sure that’s sexist or at least somecist!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “TELL US NOW!”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Apparently some guy with terminal cancer got to see Episode VII recently and the movie was so bad that it killed him before he got through the first act.

    #TrueFact

    http://screencrush.com/dying-fan-star-wars-early/

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    its Trustist. I have known Domos Avatar for years. She earned it.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “This is the most disappointing thing since I found out I have cancer,” he whispered, before taking his last breath.

  • Hey, that’s even too racist for a racist, you fascist!

  • bassbait

    I’m going to get a terminal illness so I can get in early.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    In other news, apparently Justin Trudeau is such an amazing Prime Minister that he just found the cure to cancer today!

    He unfortunately couldn’t save Daniel Fleetwood from dying during Episode VII, though.

  • He stole that idea from Fanboys. #fake

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    NO!!!! Masterbating is enjoyable.
    The prequels are this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vao5rn7OHPo

  • Yeah, an Avatar will never let you down…
    …isn’t that right, Jim?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you’re alive!!!
    I owe Tapy $5

  • Palpatine

    Lucky bastard. You know what, I’m going to go to the nearest nuclear power plant, and rub those glowing green rods all over my body and get some horrible skin cancer. Than they’ll have to give me a private screening of the film!

  • bassbait

    Reminds me of the old Turok 2 cheat code – “Beware, Oblivion is at hand”

  • Palpatine

    He’s dropping by to make his weekly comments. Speaking of which, where’s Sully? And Jaws?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    They glow Blue. Cherenkov radiation.

  • Palpatine

    Do you rub those things on yourself?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Sadly they are a Foxfur stole and a bowl of shark fin soup.

  • Palpatine

    And Pa died of old age.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No, that would cause horrific burns.
    just go for a swim in the reactor pool… its warm.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    He committed Disqusticide because he was weak.
    you gotta shit or find a book to read while you wait on the pot.

  • Sgt wizard

    I like how your shirts and sweaters are opposites. It’s like poetry, it rhymes, like poetry…

    Also it’s hard to imagine Luke going bad despite how twisty that would be as he literally was so good he forgave the scary and evil Darth Vader and beat him with love and “feeling the good in him”. I mean he lowers his light saber and is ready to die for that love. He only defeats the emperor on a lucky gambit that DV is going to turn around and throw him down. Evil Luke is a long shot if they honor the ending of jedi.

    Also has anyone noticed the clumsy parallels between the evil guy’s mask which looks like an SS gas mask, and the stage with the red banners which evokes Hitler speech stage from. I’m guessing we’re going to be seeing concentration camps as well because obviously star wars needs that…

  • Palpatine

    Maybe we’ll see Watto in the concentration camp.

  • bassbait

    coruscant?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m sick of StarWars.
    A. children keep telling me things I knew in the 80’s
    B. my star wars anus has prolapsed from the raping.
    C. The sickening fanboyism is sickening.
    D. Rich didn’t wank the droid.

    Unsubscribe!

  • bassbait

    B brings a whole new meaning to the term “death star”

  • mister man

    All this media for the movie = get butts in the seats before word of mouth kills it.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    More SHIT about Store Wares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Corus-cat.

  • Not Claude Akins

    But where did he get the mask? Did Luke give it to him? Was Kylo Ren actually there, in the background, during the events of RotJ? Did Luke neglect to clean up the pyre? Just how many city ordinances is Luke in violation of if he just left it lying there? There’s obvious fire-safety implications, not to mention improper disposal of a corpse…

  • bassbait

    meow let’s get back on track.

  • Set phasers to pun!

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It won’t suck like the prequels. It will be a good movie, but it will be a movie and that’s all…

  • bassbait

    nah. It’ll be a movie… and a novelization… and a video game… and multiple TV shows… and a line of toys… and an enema…

  • I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war.

  • bassbait

    “Do it”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m alive and, well, well!

    My wallet is hurting a bit, though.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Or you could just use your Sith powers.

    Come on Palpy, use them wits!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    So I hate this whole starwars thing, but people have beensaying

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    that is how I talk when making movies. you must be busy.

  • fred

    Speaking of that Sinister Six movie everyone’s been talking about; doesn’t Harley Quinn look like Courtney Love half-way through The People VS. Larry Flynt?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    My dying wish is different than watching a movie, it’s having sex with Eva Green.

  • Maybe a force sensitive Sith sympathetic Ewok saved it from the pyre.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But is Sully alive?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s Suicide Squad, a movie with potential unlike the cancelled Sinister Six movie.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m in the future and i cant find him… he went to find Jessie, maybe he got lost.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jessi’s cousin Jessie?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have a weird feeling that Rey will be in some scrap shop, things slow down, and then a talking pizza roll appears and starts talking to the audience.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    spelling is a thing i dont have on a good day. or them grammers/

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “I have a prolapsed anus!”
    -Jay Bauman as Tracy Morgan

  • valou999

    My thoughts on these predictions…

    Ren is definitely Luke’s daughter. I think Mike is right with the night scene being happening on Tatooine. And the scene with R2D2 and presumably Luke follows that shortly after. What I think is going on is that Luke, just like Obiwan, is in hiding on Tatooine, and also keeping watch over Rey. When that night attack happens I think Luke shows up too late and he thinks Rey may have been killed or captured, hence the emotional tone of the scene. Maybe this could set him up on a dark path, but honestly I hope he doesn’t go evil… I could see him walking the line but ultimately veering back to being a good guy.

    Yes, someone is going to die and my guess is either Finn or Luke. I could imagine Finn, like, sacrificing himself to save Rey, hence her strong reaction to his death. In the case of Luke, I’d imagine him getting killed after Rey and him heartwarmingly reuniting after decades of being estranged. From the clip we see, it looks like they are at the weird temple set scene, so that’s consistent with the leaked Luke shot. Or maybe Luke kills Finn there? That would certainly generate some emotional turmoil… o_o

    The likeliness of Darth Vader’s return? Nil, I would say. The only thing we’re going to see of him is his helmet, that’s all that’s really needed, an old Sith relic. Cloning him would make no sense because it would bring back a healthy Anakin and therefore no need for the iconic suit. No, Vader’s story is over and it would be very tedious to have it come back into the narrative.

    Kilo Ren is not going to be a lasting villain. He kinda strikes me as a young Sith trying to prove himself and will either utterly fail and be killed off oooooor turn good. Complete speculation of course but, I could see him having is connection to the Force cut off after having a epithany and turning good in the sequel. And as a way to reddeem himself, he trains and guides Rey as she’s the only hope left.

    Captain Phasma is probably meant to be this trilogy’s Bobba Fett. 1) Her suit looks simply baddass, 2) she’s probably a tough as nail type of gal, 3) and is a highly trained special squad leader hunting down the main characters.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yet you let the lizards or cats eat away your hair.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I thought it looked like the end of Blackhawk Down.

    https://youtu.be/Ybju5hb8nkc

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you know the answer. it starts with b.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    BB8?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *BabyBait

  • bassbait

    You know what to do…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Pilnkett! Open up! We have a warrant for your arrest!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    To feed to dingos?

  • bassbait

    you rang?

  • Captain Turbo

    I’m shutting down the comments. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *waves hand* You don’t need to shut down the comments.

  • bassbait

    Serious question – do you think JJ has heard of RLM and/or the Prequel reviews?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh yes I am sure. Plinkett leads to Pegg. Pegg leads to Abrams. Abrams leads to a good Star Wars movie.

  • fred

    I get them mixed up for some reason.

  • Ryan Perez
  • bassbait

    or, alternatively, leads to a bad Star Wars movies, which leads back to Plinkett, forming a circle.

  • It’s like poetry… It sucks ass.

  • bassbait

    I’m down with an idea of Luke thinking that the Jedi/Sith are both too powerful and seeks to suppress the public’s knowledge of the force and the Jedi/Sith. That way when Luke’s daughter finds out about the force and starts to gain powers that she barely even understands, it creates a conflict in which Luke is NOT the bad guy, but one where he tries to prevent that by any means short of harming his own daughter.

    See? That would be an emotionally complicated plot. Nah fuck it, let’s just have another pod race.

  • bassbait

    to quote a song about prison sex, “I’ve come round full circle”.

  • That’s specist, you fascist. I’m sorry, Hamdrew, I’m out of insults. My head is forever broken. You may penisially abuse that new crack, if you must.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Phasma is a lesbian if that says anything.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Please don’t remind me of Human Centipede 3.

  • bassbait

    new theory – Finn is Luke’s son. He has the force and he has a bigger lightsaber than everybody else and it makes Kylo feel impotent so he tries to kill Finn. Finn discovers Kylo’s angel duss drug business and tries to take them all out using sweet disco moves.

  • Spanky

    sKYwalker
    soLO

    KYLO. I thought everyone got that already.

  • bassbait

    oh I get it so he’s Han and Luke’s son. Wait what?

  • bassbait

    I was gonna bring that up but decided to mention Tool instead. I heard THC 3 was really bad though.

  • A fan theory I can get behind.

  • bassbait

    Turns out there isn’t a new death star, it’s just a giant disco ball so the whole galaxy can get their groove on.

  • Spanky

    Leia ain’t Smits’ daughter.

  • The best thing about that movie were Bree Olsen’s twins.

  • …and the trench of Starkiller base gets filled with cocaine.

  • He came from the Outer Rim.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Star Wars is made for trolls. my out. B4 I is Kix utsa.

  • bassbait

    I’m of the opinion that Portal 2 was poorly written, totally off-mark from what a Portal sequel should be, but the gameplay was decent, especially the co-op section, which was also more well written than the single player.

  • bassbait

    oh yea, that Noel rant was dumb. Not to mention Oasis sucks.

  • Are there any fan theories about how someone might have gotten Luke’s blue lightsaber? The last time we saw it, it was tumbling down some kind of air shaft thingy in the city in the clouds over Bespin (a gas planet) in Empire Strikes Back after Luke got his hand cut off.

  • Palpatine

    Enough of this speculating, let’s bitch about the Prequels.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    aw, there’s already an ewok joke.

  • bassbait

    remember that scene in the prequels? That sucked? Or something. Jar Jar! That was bad right. And CGI.

  • bassbait

    I’ll be honest I don’t remember the prequels very well at all.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    “En Taro Adun, Executor!”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I had never seen that scene with the farting camel before.

  • Why are you missing the obvious. Luke is putting his hand on R2 to have something to lean on to help him stand up. He is old now. That’s what he uses R2 for these days.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Well I guess I’m going to watch Star Wars now..

  • Amontillado

    It looks like Rich is headed towards joining Jay on the sexy beard trolley. Who will be next?

  • Amontillado

    R2 also helps Luke on the jon as well. You don’t want to know in what way…

  • Amontillado

    You were always going to watch Star Wars.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    That’s Stare Track..

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    So guess what happened in editing class today! The teacher used the Phantom Menace review to teach us about a four letter word. the word is crap. I’m just kidding the word is piss. I’m just kidding the word is poooop, I’m just kidding the word is gawrbage. I’m just kidding the word is tone! IT WAS SO HYPE!

  • Marvin Falz

    Ironically I remember much of the prequels because of Plinkett.

  • Amontillado

    It’s no Miami Connection.

  • Amontillado
  • Amontillado

    All this talk of Star Wars makes me feel like this: https://vimeo.com/134387757

  • bassbait

    Nathan Barnatt needs more work. He’s the best.

  • hybridm0ments

    OHH Myyyyyyyyy GGoooooooooooooooooooooooDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

  • bassbait

    That’s pretty awesome. Actually a couple videos of mine have been used by college professors before. I think it’d be hilarious to go to school for film stuff only to have them teaching me my own videos. Easy A.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    Oh my gaaaaaaawd! Can I see them please?! 😀 Dayumn guy! You go guy!

  • bassbait

    I wouldn’t say “guy” is quite accurate. And it really depends if you’ve seen any of David Lynch’s films (y’know, because spoilers)

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    I meant like…nope there’s no recovering from that! 😀 Forgive my ignorance m’lady!

  • Palpatine
  • Marvin Falz

    “For I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought.”

  • hybridm0ments

    Thats boring shit. If Luke is right back to where Obiwan was… what was the point of him being in the movie. It’s like watching a guy die in a cubicle at 40.

  • RLMkeepitup

    yey fart jokes, the kids will love it!

  • hybridm0ments

    Is that actually stated? because if so that’s stupid. Who cares what her sexuality is?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    My prediction is that he’s a good guy hiding in the desert. A hermit like Ben

  • bleurgh

    Read the fucking book if you want an argument about the universal features of story-telling. Or at least the cliff-notes. I’m not going to summarize Campbell for you you fucking philistine. The novel is about 1000 fucking pages long. Or alternately, don’t form opinions on things you are completely uniformed about then demand that people disprove your uniformed opinions when they could be easily dismissed with a cursory famililarity with the actual fucking subject you’re talking about.

  • Ben

    I don’t see how they could bring back Darth Vader under any circumstances, assuming they wanted James Earl Jones back too. (Dave Prowse is eighty years old, and last I heard, was suffering from health problems, so it isn’t too likely he’ll be back in the suit again.)

    I mean, Jones is currently eighty-four. Unless they’re hoping he’ll still be around by the time episode IX is ready to shoot, I just don’t see how it could work out.

  • bassbait

    nah it doesn’t bother me. I thought I should bring it up for clarification and I’ll clarify further –

    last year I came out as trans. I have a youtube channel under my legal name, but it’s not the name I go by. Everybody who knows me personally knows me as a girl but the people who see my youtube channel know me as a guy, which annoys me but I haven’t gotten around to changing it. So I thought I should make that clear before showing anyone my videos. But if you want to check any of them out they’re right here (the videos are all from before I came out too) –

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC32gaW8WaRhqmShrQ_ltqSA/videos

    I have had two people working for colleges ask if they can use my work as part of their course, like it was for studying up on David Lynch or whatever. They specifically wanted my Eraserhead video. If you haven’t seen 2001 or any of Lynch’s films then I guess I’d recommend my Toy Story video. I’m actually working on a video for A Clockwork Orange right now, but it’s nowhere near done yet.

  • bassbait

    self-promo is something I really hate doing lol so this is one of the only times I’m gonna do it.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Wow. Uncle Owen is kind of a dick..

  • Its_So_Dense

    Are you saying, “now”, or, “meow”?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Well, I have to say I loved some of the art in the prequels.

  • Amontillado

    Never ceases to put a smile on the face.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “I’m a Senator.”

  • bassbait

    I met him twice. He’s a really cool guy, really nice.

  • pizzaroll_bunny

    It will almost undoubtedly have massive amounts of content “referencing” the other movies just like in the star trek movies. The plot will likely be ripped off from the previous movies, as far as the structure is concerned, because that’s the safest bet.

  • RLMkeepitup

    interesting videos, good job

  • Percy Gryce

    Oh hai, Mark. I’m coming up to NYC next month. I’ll be in touch.

  • Percy Gryce

    What took them so long to post this? I put all my comments on the Yoosetube.

    Shall I repost them here?

    I’ll let you decide. Upvote or don’t, I don’t care.

  • Palpatine

    Do you mean like the designs of the planets or something? Because they do look nice, I’ll say that. Courscant, Kamino, Mustafar, Utapau, Kassheyk, and Geonosis are really creative looking.

  • Palpatine

    They posted it last night, that’s why there’s so many comments.

  • bassbait

    thx

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I’m watching the OT and I’ll listen to the commentary track when I get to Jedi. It’s not in Blu-ray though

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It is stated. Not my idea just stating factoids. I don’t care either..

  • hybridm0ments

    That’s just pandering. Who gives a fuck who these people fuck? haha

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I don’t know. I just hope the movie doesn’t become exploitative in any sense other than the Star Wars aspect

  • Amontillado

    He does come off as a goofy, but sweet feller. Nice to know he lives up to the impression.

  • Amontillado

    🙁

  • bassbait

    he was in the keith apicary character the whole time. But he’s definitely a big goofball. I actually saw him do a live performance of all of his songs that he’s made, and he was getting pretty crazy with it, even hanging from the ceiling and stuff like that.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Harrison Fords acting in “A New Hope” is pretty bad..

  • RLMkeepitup

    legend has it he doesn’t care

  • Percy Gryce

    But it was on the Youtubes before it was here. I was very confused.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Maybe it’s because Disqus suqs

  • bassbait

    He already works around the clock.

  • RLMkeepitup

    that’s been happening lately

  • Percy Gryce

    The internet sucks. Everything sucks.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    He’s great in the other two though..

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Now you sound Goth..

  • Percy Gryce

    Hoth, the ice planet.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Star Wars has been blown waaaaayyyy out of proportion…

  • bassbait

    Nah. Goths don’t hate the internet. They use Myspace.

  • Palpatine

    They’re just showing contempt for their YouTube viewers. But not us for some reason.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    “Everything Sucks” is the mantra of the Goth. Goth kids are so cool that they are above everything, I know it’s true I learned it from playing Stick of Truth….

  • Palpatine

    *flips hair*

  • bassbait

    That’s my mantra too. Except that mantra sucks so I don’t use it.

  • Marvin Falz

    The Writer Speaks: D.C. Fontana
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCSp8TnnbNU

  • Percy Gryce

    The obvious friendship between Mike and Rich Evans is so touching.

    In fact, I’m touching my own astromech droid now.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, usually Mike makes fun of Rich to his face, but here, they’re getting along fine.

  • bassbait

    they are the longest running duo of the whole team, and I’ve always been kinda dying to see more of what their friendship is actually like which makes this video really enjoyable for me. I’ve watched it like 3 times already.

  • Marvin Falz

    They’re like Kirk and Spock minus the shipping.

  • Wolvy

    “Let’s blow this thing and get outta here kid!”

  • Palpatine

    Mike+Rich= Mich or Rike.

  • Marvin Falz

    They’re one entity divided into two bodies.

  • Wolvy

    Thanks, Landocare!

  • Palpatine

    That sounds like something out of the He-Man “What’s Up” video. Oh God, someone should remake that video but with the RLM gang.

  • Wolvy

    This ain’t crop dustin’, boy!

  • bassbait

    Mike and Jay are the ones who get shipped.

    http://puu.sh/lb8uq.jpg

  • Marvin Falz

    In the depressed and drunken-angry style of the Rich Evan’s Christmas Carol video. Or sent them to the Gym and put on them blonde wigs.

  • Domo

    Remember when coming to their website was important? You couldn’t see their content on youtube for weeks, and now all that incentive was taken away.

    I guess I’ll pop on my pince-nez, too, then, and we can hallucinate together over absinthe about the good old days!

  • Marvin Falz

    I know. But teh love is between Mike and Rich.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It is so weird. Why does Jar Jar’s first reaction is to smile?

  • Palpatine

    He liked the smell of it.

  • IT’S NOT TATOOINE, IT’S JAKKU(see new SW:Battlefront trailer)!!! TOTALLY DIFFERENT DESERT PLANET AND THEREFORE TOTALLY ORIGINAL!!!

  • TheManHole

    So I finally had time to watch the video and I must say this is one of the better Plinkett reviews.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s fucked up. Maybe Gungans have an olfatory lobe that’s different from ours.

  • bassbait

    Plinkett versus Plinkett.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Makes you wonder what it would have been like with Christopher Walken. He seems to think about it a lot:

    http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/sometimes-i-wonder-what-life-would-be-like-if-i-ha-31642

  • Cream-A-Thon

    But who’s The Most Plinkett? Two Plinketts, one channel, all laughts! Saturday Nights on ABC!

  • Joe Syxpac

    It’s Jakkooine.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I don’t like commenting on you tube

  • Ryan Perez

    Nah.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    If you did you would be conforming to your own level of un-coolness

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Which is kind of lame

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    or Ricke

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Great they all on the planet JAKKOFF

  • bassbait

    I love commenting on youtube… except on RLM’s youtube. I feel like that particular group of fans is… not fun I’ll say.

  • Domo

    Where are my Plinketttttttts?

    That should have been in the Lego Movie instead of Where are My Pants.

  • J’AKKUSE…!
    Well at least it looks like we won’t see a replay of l’affaire Watto.

  • http://www.vulture.com/2015/11/tom-cruises-wedding-leah-reminis-book-troublemaker.html

    He [Tom Cruise] asked, “Guys, where’s the cookie stuff?” The assistants fluttered around but they didn’t point out to him that it was right there on the counter. “Tom seemed like a child who had never been told no,” Remini observes. “Get in the fucking present time, is what you need to do!” he screamed at his assistant. He then gave a rundown of the hierarchy:
    Still not noticing the log of pre-made dough on the counter, Tom raised his hand above his head. “LRH [L. Ron Hubbard] is here,” he said, then lowered his hand to his chin and said, “And Dave and I are here.” Then, with his hand down at his waist, he said, “And you are here.”

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Everything is Tshi?
    Thank you, try the veal!

  • bleurgh

    Well then, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. The only thing worse than an idiot is an ignorant person who acts like they know shit.

  • TheVerySpecialK

    Well it’s not like they would clone him and then cut his arms and legs off and put him back in the suit: remember, Anakin was already Darth Vader before he got cut up on Mustafar, and there was no need to have James Earl Jones do his voice at that point. The only reason Darth Vader sounded the way he did was because of the artificial breathing system on his suit. No suit = no distorted “Darth” voice = no need for James Earl Jones.

  • Ryan Perez

    Of course I do.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • WrongWithYourFace

    *Deletion pending*

  • rikkibarnes

    What is it with Rickes?

  • bassbait

    I didn’t make it. I’m just the messenger.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yes.

  • Commander X

    Also note the use of the superweapon, which is called the Destruco Celestial Body and is a totally original concept by JJ Abarms and company, thank yew

  • rikkibarnes

    PALPATINE, YOU’RE BEHIND IT ALL!

  • Jegsimmons

    mastodon is fantastic. though beside them the only other prog stuff i put on is fantomas

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “Everything sucks” is going to be the song for The Lego Movie 2, the low point of the trilogy.

  • rikkibarnes

    Agreed. I like that idea. I just don’t think it’s what they’ll do.

    Luke will be evil because it’s like poetry. It has to rhyme.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    James Earl Jones voiced Vader very recently in Star Wars Rebels, though. But for some reason he sounded like a bad imitation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiHXZl3pqj8&feature=youtu.be&t=31s

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Deleting the comment, not you.

  • Snake Squeezer

    Did you hear about that poor guy that Disney and JJ Abrams decided to torture by forcing him to watch an early release of Star Wars? He was about die any day for christ’s sake! The world is a cruel, cruel place.

  • bassbait

    I’d better delete my computer just to be safe.

  • Domo

    That poor, terminally ill man didn’t even get to spin Kenny Baker in his little ball droid. No chance to tell Anthony Daniels, in person, that he’s a proper dickhead, either.

    Those Disney execs are savages. Every. Last One.

  • Snake Squeezer

    I can’t believe no one is talking about the rape scene in the new upcoming star wars flick. I mean, Disney had the artistic integrity to allow a full, graphic rape scene in what is surely going to be the most watched release of the year, and no one is even willing to mention it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Kashyyyk.

    Yes, I too like a lot of the design. Like, the ships and stuff. The clone gunships are cool. But none of that can really be credited to George. He just put a stamp on them.

    The only good thing George did design-wise is Padmé’s BDSM dress.

  • Snake Squeezer

    I know right? I mean, I’m all for torturing terminally ill people, it’s hilarious, but you’d think Disney would at least be worried about the negative PR!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Well, her name isn’t Skywalker, either.

  • “R2, you can tell the hospital’s central computer to pull the plug!”

  • Domo

    Really, everyone should be focusing too much on Rey’s wardrobe choices, instead.

    Scavenging in high heels while kiting Harrison Ford to his ultimate doom; where’s the outrage?!

  • Snake Squeezer

    I mean, when was the last time you saw a big soulless conglomerate like Disney do something daring? It should be being celebrated everywhere, but noooooooooo… This world…

  • Domo

    They really should have done this Annie style.

    Daddy Warbucks rents out an entire movie theater (He’s still alive, too! He was Kincade in Skyfall. Would have no problem shaving his head for charity). The Rockettes show up to do their song and dance before the movie starts, and Punjab will be there to carry him away as he falls asleep at the end of the TFA film.

    It would have been a lovely 5 minute youtube video montage. Public Relations crisis averted!

  • TapewormBike

    What Star Wars related merchandise do you plan on buying this StarWarsmas?

  • Domo

    Legos, unfortunately.

    I wanted a homely, kitschy aesthetic to my household, but nooooo. The house will be turned into a nerd paradise with black/orange x-wings, Tie Fighters, and command shuttles.

    None will contain stands, so dusting them will be an even bigger bitch than before!

  • Barry from Eastenders

    Genuine class

  • bassbait

    an R5-D4 droid and Darth Vader helmet.

  • Snake Squeezer

    It was probably more like A Clockwork Orange. Complete with the screaming.

  • Snake Squeezer

    The stormtrooper taser and torture kit!

  • bassbait

    I happen to be watching that movie right now.

  • Snake Squeezer

    The Rey fleshlight! So I can reenact the rape scene!

  • I don’t understand the difference. They all fly thru space using shitty CGI.

  • Snake Squeezer

    A Rey figurine and a Kylo figurine! So I can reenact the rape scene!

  • Commander X

    A new favorite article I read earlier this year on “How Inner Turmoil Brought Down LucasArts” http://www.gameinformer.com/b/features/archive/2015/04/04/fall-of-the-empire-how-inner-turmoil-brought-down-a-legendary-studio.aspx?PostPageIndex=2

    “The plan [for Fracture] was turned completely upside down in 
a meeting,” a LucasArts dev who worked on the title says. Although the team was far into development, a decision was made by LucasArts’ executives to turn it into a third-person shooter. “We were told to ‘pull the camera out.’ We had to make a character model, create animations, plot the levels differently, stream it differently. It was a nightmare for everyone involved.”

    When Fracture was revealed to the public, its protagonist was a character named Mason Briggs. By the time the game launched, his name was changed to Jet Brody. A person who helped give this gun-toting rebel his original name recalls going through weeks of naming conventions. “Literally, whole teams sitting together, brainstorming what looks good – the first name, the last name, etc. Done, good to go.”

    But then a phantom menace struck. George Lucas would periodically check in on the status of the games his company was making, lending creative input and advice. The developer I talked to sighs, and agitatedly says, “In one viewing of Fracture, [Lucas] said it looked really good, but he didn’t like [Mason Briggs’] name. We’re like, ‘What do you mean, George?’ He responded to the effect of, ‘It doesn’t really fit. When he jumps on stuff, he moves pretty fast. I like B.J. Dart.’

    “So everybody’s like, ‘No, he’s gotta be f—ing with us.’ He’s absolutely not. So when something like that happened – in the middle of the campaign, mind you – we have to go back through that entire naming convention again… from scratch.” From that second session, Jet Brody was born. Coincidentally. Jett is the name of Lucas’ son.

    A similar situation arose with Star Wars: The Force Unleashed’s protagonist, Starkiller. “[That name] was only supposed to be a nickname or call sign, not a proper name from the beginning,” a former LucasArts employee says. The development team hoped that Lucas would give Vader’s apprentice a Darth moniker, which at the time, was something that didn’t happen often.

    “The team threw a Hail Mary to George, saying the game would have more credibility if the apprentice had a ‘Darth’ title,” a Force Unleashed team member says. Lucas agreed that this situation made sense for Sith royalty, and offered up two Darth titles for the team to choose from. “He threw out ‘Darth Icky’ and ‘Darth Insanius.’ There was a pregnant pause in the room after that. People waiting for George to say ‘just kidding,’ but it never comes, and he just moved on to another point.”

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Yes I think the art in the prequels is excellent, planets, ships, most costumes…

  • bassbait

    yea but we already got the best of that in Jedi.

  • Commander X

    It’s so dense, there’s so many comments going on.

  • I guess working with George Lucas must be a dream come true.

  • Nothing.

  • I’d watch that for a… LARGE SUM OF CASH!

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It used to be my dream…until it was shattered

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Star Wars AIDSbola

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    There’s a rape scene? I’m really losing excitement for this new Star Wars movie… 🙁

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    A rape kit evidently

  • Amontillado
  • Amontillado

    You didn’t even consider that the Death Star would run into the Borg, who of course would update it with warp technology after assimilation.

  • Amontillado

    The worst would be if the new Death Star is manned by Pakleds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7FNCdQ_ar0

  • Amontillado

    And it improves staff morale. If you want to go for a walk on your lunch break, or need to go outside for a smoke, you can now go out onto the surface of a planet. Not to mention that the annual company picnic just got a whole bunch sunnier!

  • Amontillado

    Sir, excuse me sir, it sounds to me like you’re heading into Patton Oswalt territory and I’ll be damned before I let you step all over his toes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvdoLRBudwU

  • Rob Peterson

    Hey….douchebag…yeah you…blow me.

    Everyone else is making their predictions, I just happened to make my predictions months ago and am sharing them here. My post is on topic, on point and contributing to the discussion….unlike yours.

    So blow me douchebag.

  • Amontillado
  • Amontillado

    THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

  • Amontillado

    That’s just plain fucky.

  • Amontillado

    We have officially established by that description that Nathan Barnatt is America.

  • Amontillado

    Mike and Rich are way off base with their predictions, Patton Oswalt’s is much closer to what we’ll see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvdoLRBudwU

  • dollar store cashier wife

    a living nightmare you mean?

  • bassbait

    great show.

  • I wonder why the bleep no one is able to tell Lucas his ideas suck.

  • *d

  • TapewormBike

    Don’t give up on your interior design standards, Domo. I’m sure there’s a Kylo Ren cat clock somewhere to be found.

  • Anthony D.

    It’s funny. I hit “Play” on this video and settled in for another great piece of humor from the RLM crew. I sat patiently waiting for the inevitable turn, anything that took the the video completely off the rails (i.e. have it be 45 minutes of a black screen, cut to everyone “freaking out” about Star Wars, cut to the Ishtar trailer, etc.). But imagine my surprise when this turned out to be a totally serious video with some interesting and logical theories.

    Or was that the joke all along? I don’t know anything anymore. Who’s messing with my medicine? STAY OUTTA MY BRAIN.

  • tOmy`

    That is sorta my dream band scenario.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    NOW THIS IS POD RACING

  • tOmy`

    T-shirt.

  • bassbait

    *nods skeptically*

  • bassbait

    yipee!!!

  • May` I tell you something`that is Really` interesting` and `worth` paying` `attention`. An `effective` and `excellent` online` `opportunity` to work` for those people` who want to `utilise` their free time so that they can `Earn some `extra `Money` using their `computers`… I have been `working`time so that they can `Earn some `extra `Money` using their `computers`… I have been `working` on this for last two and half years and I am earning` 60-90 `dollar`/ hour` … In the `Past` `Week` I` Have `Earned` 13,70 `DoLLars` For `Almost `20` hours` `Sitting` ….

    `Any` Special“kind` of `Skills, `Degree` or Specific qualification is not `required` for this, just `typing` and a `good` `working` and `reliable` `internet` `connection` ….

    `Any` `Time` `Boundations` to `Start work` is not `Required` … You may do this `work` at any `time` when you `Willing` to do it ….

    I have Been Working on this and Getting Results…..….Hope over to“website“ `page` `LINK` which is on Prrof!le of mine

    hy

  • tOmy`

    Now I really hope we gonna get at least one character called “Darth Icky” in the new trilogy.

    Or three. Three Darth Ickys should seal the deal.

  • bassbait

    Darth Yakko, Darth Wakko, and Darth Dot.

  • tOmy`

    And at some point, we gonna get to Darther.

  • tOmy`

    I assume you all saw the new Star Wars posters by now and most likely bought them, so lemme ask this: What’s up with the eye-covering theme?

    Is it just art? Is it poetry? Is this a foreshadowing of someone losing his eye in the film? Am I going to lose an eye?

    Post a comment on this webzone and let me know what’s up with that.

  • tOmy`

    Was the season 6 worth it? I gave up right at the beginning.

  • bassbait

    I haven’t seen it. Got a link?

  • TapewormBike

    Fine.

    Imagine you have a very limited power to go back in time and talk to young George Lucas. After you’re finsihed with the praise and insults, what single thing do you advise him to change about the OG trilogy, say, with the possible sequels in mind?

  • bassbait

    idk I mean it’s up to any person but I fell in love with the characters so I loved season 6 and 7. If you’re looking for something specific out of the show then idk but I just really loved Andy, April, Ron, and Leslie as characters. I guess Ben too. So I think it’s worth it if you’re like me and really enjoy watching those characters and their interactions. Plus I totally don’t have a crush on April or anything, who gave anybody that idea?

  • tOmy`
  • bassbait

    I don’t have to imagine it. But to answer your question, I’d tell him to change it so that Greedo shoots first. And to change some of the soundtrack. Hypothetically speaking of course.

  • bassbait

    I already googled it but it brought me to other posters.

    The eye covering thing is because of the illuminati obviously. JJ’s in the club.

  • bassbait

    I stayed up late so I could finish the script to the video I’m going to make on A Clockwork Orange. This is my first project of this kind in 2 years. Next thing you know I’ll have 100,000 subs. JK it’ll get a copyright strike and I’ll be fucked.

    Thanks youtube!

  • tOmy`

    Oh, right I meant season 7. Well, the last one with the time-jump.

    I did love all the character, but towards the end, I sorta didn’t care enough. On the other hand, the S6 finale with the big concert did almost leave me misty eyed. It was really sweet.

    Then again, we are talking about a show that can sell a joke this stupid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z_Vh8Z9xmU

    And sell it well. (And sorry, I may be a bit obvious here, but I am totally #TeamAnn)

  • tOmy`

    Or maybe it’s because Luke can’t tell right from wrong anymore!

    LUKE SKYWALKER IS THE BAD GUY! OR THE SPACE SHIP!

  • bassbait

    ok so just season 7? Yea idk I think it’s worth it. The series finale I thought was really nice.

    I think the closest I came to crying was Leslie’s wedding. For some reason wedding episodes tug at my heart strings.

  • tOmy`

    I think the closest one for me during the whole show was this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoXdC2zDi0s

    But yea, wedding episodes tend to do that. Sincerely, Satan.

  • capitandelespacio

    Where’s the new Plinkett review?

  • bassbait

    the illuminati thing became a meme, but I remember it back before it was a meme, people were saying that pop music had subliminal messages, and would claim that musicians covering their eye or highlighting one of their eyes was evidence of the illuminati. If you look back at a lot of Lady Gaga videos you’ll see covering/highlighting one eye.

    http://puu.sh/lbl00.jpg
    http://puu.sh/lbl15.jpg
    http://puu.sh/lbl4A.jpg
    http://puu.sh/lbl5H.jpg

    To be honest I really don’t know or care why this is a trend, I just needed an excuse to look at Lady Gaga videos more. But yea, there’s your *proof* that the illuminati is real!!!

    oh and a bonus –

    http://content.internetvideoarchive.com/content/photos/7239/30405805_.jpg

  • bassbait

    that one was good too. I don’t really relate to Ron overall. I mostly relate to April, and I guess kinda Andy too. So it doesn’t hit as hard for me with Ron as it did with Leslie, but I still love him as a character.

  • bassbait

    on Alderaan.

  • Dandace Dameron

    I wouldn’t. Because you could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that’s a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.

  • Wouldn’t it be awesome if the last thing that Daniel Fleetwood did was publish a scathing review of TFA?

  • Eye can’t see shit.

  • Sometimes these nerds just wanna talk about Star Wars for an hour. 😉

  • Dandace Dameron

    YOU ARE TEARING ME APART LEIA

  • Dandace Dameron

    Noone knows. They come like a thief in the night when you least expect them.

  • capitandelespacio

    Stop messing with my medicine.

  • Dandace Dameron

    Heroin

  • Dandace Dameron

    Someoene’s been watching intergalactic cable.

  • bassbait

    It’s a shame that the greatest hit of the 1980’s became a hit in 1990.

  • Ben

    Well, the problem is, when you think of Darth Vader returning, everyone thinks of James Earl Jones and the scary-awesome black suit. NO ONE wants to think of Hayden Christensen.

  • Dandace Dameron

    You think those names were bad, ask Lucas about Howard the Darth. He won’t even talk about it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    ITS BEHIND YOU!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I swear I’m going to put on my Han Solo costume and beat every starwars fan to death with the E11 blaster rifle I made.

    https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-O6s1ZxljKEA/VeMmC9GIuyI/AAAAAAAABxQ/01TX107HeXo/w892-h553-no/e11.jpg

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    If RotJ was in the can, I would just strangle him slowly.

  • TapewormBike

    This guy gets it.

  • bassbait

    force choke*

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I have lost it with star wars fans… if you could all form an orderly line in front of the gun sight that would help.

  • Ogrot

    Darth Icky is the only Wookie sith lord in the history of the Galaxy. He also happens to be Chewbacca’s lovable father in law that likes to watch pornography in front of his daughter and grandson.

  • So I was going to stay away but could not. Damn Star Wars. Damn RLM now I’m going to sit in the theater with a pen and paper looking what they got wrong and not.
    Thanks for ruining Star Wars and my adulthood.

  • Skynet should target a young George Lucas so that Star Wars never gets made. I hate Star Wars and I hate people that watch Star Wars. It should be banned and erased from popculture. Once more the… oh, you get the reference.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Wow, Thats why I’m angry and I didnt realise it till you said it.
    Boss Nass is the new Plinkett.
    *This is not a joke.

  • Yes this. When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope we use. No wait that was for a different gathering. Sorry wrong quote.

  • Mike Stoklasa is the most dissapointing thing since Revence of the Sith.

  • Staying away from Star Wars is like trying to stay away from smoking in highschool. The pressure to watch every god forsaken SWclip on youtube is enormous.

  • I didn’t smoke in high school. I was giving blowjobs for free heroin.

  • What kind of an intro is that?

  • Ehm, eh. Cool.

    *gives thumbs up with a fake smike*

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I have a fuck lode of morphine?….

  • Mike Stoklasa is the most dissapointing thing since Into Darkness.

  • Meesa givin’ you bombad headsa!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Mike Stoklasa is the most disappointing thing since my hair cut.

  • That’s fine by me! *gets down on knees*

  • Hey, your haircut is still better than mine.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    3,2,1. midnight.!

  • TapewormBike

    Go rest, Andy, Your fault for mentioning the time.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    They did. One zapped Luke while he was training with his lightsaber on the Millennium Falcon.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its 0:02 saturday. and mesa got an ouchy. sleeping in is the best bit.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Listening to faith no more. this seemed relevant.

    https://youtu.be/7g4L47kEcS0

  • Wanna test my gag reflex?

  • sepiajack

    That was really good. I am in a similar boat where I’ve seen the trailers but avoided all other spoilers. I agree with a lot of Mike and Rich’s theories, I do think however that Rey is actually the misdirect, she has all the tropes of Luke, but that it will actually turn out that the offspring of Luke is… Finn.

    Rey I think will know that Han is her father from the outset, but will be a reveal to the audience, something like. REY: “Maybe my dad can help us.” FINN: “Why, who’s your dad?” and then we cut to Han coming through a doorway or something.

    Might be wrong, but I think this will be more like an ESB style cliffhanger ending to set up future installments. ANH has the big happy ending because they didn’t know if they’d get to make any more movies.

  • Ashley Wertz

    Marissa Meyer , Yahoo CEO has gone so far as to Support the practice “Work at home” that I have been doing since last year . In this year till now I have made 58k dollars with my computer , despite the fact that I am a college student . Even newly joined person can make 35h easily and the average increases with time … Look here for details .
    http://www.thinkenergygroup.eu.cr

    ➹60

  • Welcome Back Otter

    The untouched original trilogy: the one thing laserdisc owners have ever had reason to be smug about.

  • In other news, your smile is always fake, you lifeless CGI monster!!!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    cunt off cunts. the humans here are generally not retarded enough to give you shit. so please cunt off cunts.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It’s the only way to keep current with Ball Fondlers.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Star Wars is bloating the comments like a corpse in the sun.

  • Joe Syxpac

    You’re helping with that.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    In my defense i have been a corpse for years. they call me Andrew.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “They were just a couple of nerds who saw the teaser trailers…”

  • capitandelespacio

    This movie will bring balance to Disneys bank account.

  • Anthony D.

    “These men are Thrawns!”

  • That’s mee.

  • You ruined the prequels. What do you have to say for yourself?

  • I think I did the best with what I got. More fart jokes would have been nice.

  • Get back in your coffin, before I give you some deeper analsis.

  • Desert planets? That reminds me what were you thinking taking the Argus to Kolarus III? You don’t smile, you don’t drive. Your family is dead and the Picard legacy is gone and you smashed your priced Kurlan naiskos. What were you thinking?

  • Is Star Wars more bloated than Val Kilmer or Edward Furlong?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    both.

  • Marlon Brando wins.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    tru dat.

  • tOmy`

    Did someone say Star Wars?

  • Why didn’t you tell Horatio Lucàs that his dialogue was garbage?

  • The poles would shift if he’d rotate in his grave.

  • TapewormBike

    Mike and Rich did. Assholes.

  • I was high on space meth. I didn’t care!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    is that racist?

  • Nah, I’m half polish and banged a polette.

  • I heard the waters on Naboo are full of liquid ecastacy.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Just got back from Spectre.It’s good-great at times even but ultimately it doesn’t reach the heights of Skyfall. Maybe that’s because Deakins wasn’t on board this time-providing his GOAT cinematography. Or maybe it’s because the script dropped all clever commentary about Bond and just offered straightforward plot resolution to Casino Royale/Quantum of Solace-yeah this movie acknowledges Quantum of Solace was a real thing that happened…ewwwww

    I have to give props to Sam Mendes and his screenwritters though. Dave Bautista has exactly one word of dialogue in his entire screentime. One.

  • TapewormBike

    This is how you get me excited. I kind of presume you have stockings on as well.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • TapewormBike

    Nice vids, keep up the work.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *Fade to black, Insert head in blender.

  • TapewormBike

    You better be in your jammies.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • ShinyMcShine

    Am I the only one who noticed? Payback time, bitches. http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/snafu1056/rebopix_zpsxf3zm00d.jpg

  • Percy Gryce
  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’m not that kind of girl mr.tapeworm

  • The Ghost

    As some commenters have mentioned, I also think Rey is Han & Leia’s child, not Luke’s. But who gives a shit. Could you imagine if none of the new characters were related to the old ones?

    I also agree with Mike in that it’ll hit all the same beats as A New Hope. Overall I expect the movie will be fun, emotional and heavily referential.

    Which is really all the original films were, anyway. Only now they’re self-referential.

    Poetry, sheer poetry. http://33.media.tumblr.com/3ad34b38e474328d556e72b4c0bd7e79/tumblr_inline_mycu9nOdCV1qaars0.jpg

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Elranzer

    Did you guys consider the Episode VIII casting call when making these predictions?

    Spoilers abound – http://www.moviecastingcall.org/2015/10/disney-talent-search-for-star-wars-episode-viii-lead-roles.html

  • tOmy`

    Finally fucking flamethrowers!

    That shot of TIE-Fighters infront of the setting sun is pretty badass tho.

  • tOmy`

    They didn’t even consider a proper casting for Space Cop.

  • Arigato, yen store cashier wife!

    Are they serious with BB-8’s sounds tho? Or am I being too harsh?

  • Could you imagine flamethrowers in the prequels? OMG! That might’ve actually made them worth seeing.

  • Elranzer

    “Kylo Ren” is anagram for Rey Klon (clone?)

  • Palpatine

    You know what, I’m just going to come out and say it; after they’re done with the new Star Wars trilogy and spin-off films, Disney should remake Prequels. Oh yeah, I said it.

  • The Ghost

    OH DAYUM.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    hush Palpy. you dont have to be behind it all.

  • groboclown

    I thought it was Long Snoot ready with some whoop-ass.

    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Garindan

  • Obi-Wan’s line about how he fought in the clone wars in ANH was always among my favourites. We used to endlessly speculate about the clone wars, but who would’ve thought that they were so boring, bland and illogical.

    So, I’d actually like to see that. Even tho they prolly won’t, since the prequels were still pretty decent moneymakers, weren’t they?

  • tOmy`

    While it could be a good idea, I don’t see them doing it since JJ is working hard to un-do them anyway.

  • Palpatine

    We see Obi-Wan participate in two Clone Wars battles in the Prequels. One where he just stays in a transport ship and yells at Anakin, and another where just rides around on a dinosaur and fights a cyborg with asthma.

  • Now I Get It

    I didn’t know Lemmy did absinthe, but I shouldn’t be surprised. Sorry to see he fixed his moles, though.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Bleach.

  • Bubs

    If by “remake” you mean “reboot”, then yeah, I completely agree. The prequels sucked. And the reason they sucked isn’t even just the hackneyed writing or the terrible cartoon antics. They sucked because they’re all about Darth Vader. I’m so fucking bored to death with him. Can we move the fuck on? At this point, I’d rather see a whole movie about Shmi Skywalker.

    There is almost no possible way to fix the prequels without re-writing them completely. So I would like to see them just officially declare the Prequels as non-canon, and write some new movies to take their place.

  • Watching the prequels is like visiting a shitty carnival.

  • Palpatine

    Yes I do.

  • Palpatine

    Cloning Vader is such a terrible idea.

  • Bubs

    What are you talking about?

  • Dandace Dameron

    http://io9.com/holy-cow-this-international-star-wars-the-force-awake-1740954520

    I’m blatantly not scrolling down to see if anyone else posted this, but NEW FOOTAGE IN THE INTERNATIONALTRAILER!

  • Bubs

    Eh, it’s no stupider than R2’s constant, incessant whistling. If I were Luke, I would’ve removed his fucking voicebox. Or whatever droids have…

  • Dandace Dameron

    If by remake you mean take them out back and put them out of their misery and do a New Jedi Order-based trilogy, I’m behind you 100 percent.

    Nobody listen to this guy. Remember he’s a SITH LORD!

  • Even my Tom Tom has a better voice.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    too late bby!

  • Palpatine

    *BB-8

  • Palpatine

    A New Jedi Order thing sounds cool.

  • Now I Get It

    I’m sure it’s been said below – how could it not? – but this is Old School Mike, the hero we need and deserve.

  • Palpatine

    I love Old School Mike!

  • Dandace Dameron

    So it was free heroin and you gave blowjobs anyway?

    Nice

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    fair enough. have fun.

  • I just friggin’ love having my mouth full of cock. Don’t judge me, you sexist!

  • Now I Get It

    Vive la Évolution!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its a trap. run bubs.

  • Dandace Dameron
  • Dandace Dameron

    Look, my brother Dirk is a hardcore Christian fundamentalist. I’m doing my best.

  • Palpatine

    Speaking of dumb Star Wars theories:
    https://m.reddit.com/comments/3qvj6w/

  • No more blow jobs for you.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    what were we talking about here? I forgot.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    Rich is dead! Mike yer talking to a ghost ! get out of there!!!

  • Didn’t know Admiral Ackbar was into shitty electro.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I will buy every Force Awakens toy imaginable. After that I’ll possibly buy a ticket to the movie they made to go along with them.

  • Fashion trends, masturbation techniques and dilation of… things.

  • Palpatine

    So basically Star Wars meets Jurassic Park . Wow, can you imagine the themes from those two series’ playing at the same time?

  • Palpatine

    Religion and politics.

  • Percy Gryce

    Did Mike and Rich Evans watch and include footage from the Japanese trailer?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdAUiyeJMFQ

    I can’t tell. I just saw it myself and much prefer it to the American one.

    I got a little Battlestar Galactica vibe–like maybe the Cylons, er, uh, Neo-Empire are reconquering the New Republic planet by planet.

  • Percy Gryce

    Shit, you beat me to it.

  • Palpatine

    Can someone translate the text? Yeah, remember that joke?

  • Percy Gryce

    Will C-3P0 call BB-8 “Master BB-8”?

  • Percy Gryce

    Also: “Key Lorn”

  • Percy Gryce

    He does the “Bee Boo Bops” like R2-D2. Or so I heard from a reliably alcoholic source.

  • Percy Gryce

    [Intentionally omitted.]

  • Percy Gryce

    One reviewer said Bautista was better than Watlz.

  • Percy Gryce

    You see a lot of that kind of thing Down Under, do you?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    So why is “international trailer” the same as “Asian”?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And Cashier Wife beat him.

  • Palpatine

    Are you mad at me or something?

  • Percy Gryce

    That’s a call back, right? When someone references a funny joke from the past and it becomes slight less funny with every reference?

  • Dandace Dameron

    I mean there has to be SOME reason Colin Trevorrow is directing the third movie.

  • Bubs

    You’ve been studying up on your Reddit-ese, I see.

  • Percy Gryce

    Didn’t R2-D2 have a flamethrower in the prequels?

  • Oh, no……

  • Percy Gryce

    Reddit-ese? Why it’s like a second language to me!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Imagine R2-D2 scorching separatist leaders who are trapped in their bunkers.

  • Percy Gryce

    Bee Boo Bop.

  • Percy Gryce

    Asian is a language that A LOT of people speak–although few in the West can translate its texts.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He must have fun writting movie reviews from the psych ward.

    But seriously Waltz has blown us all away with Inglorious Basterds making a ruthless egomaniac nazi have so much charisma and likability…but that’s kinda been his shtick ever since. Don’t get me wrong-theatricality and charisma is not exactly something that a bond film character should lack but I found Bardem better. It certainly wasn’t his first time playing a bad motherfucker but not once did I thought I was watching Chigurh in a Bond film ya’know?

  • Dandace Dameron

    It’s actually the Neimoidian trailer…No wonder cashier wife knew about it before me!!!
    http://orig07.deviantart.net/f198/f/2012/093/8/c/my_ex_wife_by_tounushifan-d4uwrr1.jpg

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That’s right Percy!

  • Stantz

    Wrong about the origin of BB-8, but it’s a lot clearer now about who Rey’s crying over

  • Smegman

    I’m disappointed. Not a word about Finn being the son of Leia and Lando, conceived when Solo was in carbonite. Han did not shot first.

  • Dandace Dameron

    The other possibility floating around. Spoiler? Maybe? http://blogs.indiewire.com/shadowandact/meet-han-solos-black-wife-20150604

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why not to continue to ignore the Prequels and make a movie during the Old Republic era? There’s some interesting stuff from the EU that should be canon and would make for an interesting movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Once you go black you can never go back as they say in Italy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did you know Samurai Cop is alive?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m ignoring all other trailer like crap. These three excellent trailers is all I need.

  • That sounds awesome actually, but didn’t they just declare the entire EU non-canon?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They can still include elements of the EU. Not all of it of course.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Snoke is going to die because Benico del Toro is said to be a villainous figure in Episode VIII.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    You don’t speak Asian?

  • Smegman

    So Leia went to the black side of the “force”.

  • Now I Get It

    Also, “Kahn” is an anagram for “Hank,” only he didn’t look like a propane tank through the head and trunk.

    Pamela Adlon’s still attractive – where’s their film franchise?

  • ooktar

    I was legitimately surprised by this video. Here I watched the video for 20 minutes waiting for the conversation to divert to some other random topic but no, they managed to have a full discussion about Star Wars.

    What a couple of hacks.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You mean skinny and awkward Mike from the Joe Pilato story?

  • Dandace Dameron

    It’s gonna be the Collector, serving as the catalyst for the Oswalt theory.

  • Now I Get It

    Yeah, back from when the lessons of the altar were still fresh in his soul. …Yeah, yeah, that’ll stick.

  • Palpatine

    When’s the next HitB and what movies will be reviewed?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Tuesday. Spectre.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It rhymes with Hector

  • Flavius Aetius

    I’m thinking Rey is the daughter of Han and Leia. And Rylo Ken is the student of Luke. Luke thinks he failed as a teacher with Ken. Luke is hiding out like Yoda. But, he’s still good.

  • Palpatine

    So it’s going to be on a movie from a series I don’t care about? Great.

  • Flavius Aetius

    Maybe he’s the great grandson of Mace Windu.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I’m seriously bothered by this rape scene business in the new SW movie. I don’t watch SW movies to see that kind of shit, I may just say fuck it and not see the new SW movies..

  • Wizard Phoenix

    …what?

  • Palpatine

    Paranormal Activity 5: The Ghost Dimmension?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    There has been discussion here that there is a rape scene in the new SW movie

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Collectors are from Mass Effect, you idiot.

  • Palpatine

    Rylo Kloon rapes Rey. Try saying that three times fast.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Between who? The editor and the audience?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That’s what you get when you fight the slave outfit. Fisher, you made the right call back then.

  • Palpatine

    Seriously?

  • Dandace Dameron
  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Funny. Between Kylo Ren and Rey, I presume

  • Smegman

    Is Rylo Ken Kylo Ren’s action figure included in the Star Wars Barbie collection?

  • TapewormBike

    It’s not funny

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did Shabby Blue write the movie?

  • Flavius Aetius

    It should. Rylo Ken is Kylo Ren’s brother. He was hidden after he was born. Like poetry.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I would like that, if these rumors were false..

  • Palpatine

    Now I want to change the topic because rape is something I’m very uncomfortable talking about.

  • Dandace Dameron

    All I know is Master Chief’s gonna pwn some Stormtroopers in Episode XV

  • Thomas

    Maz Canata hands Leia Luke’s lightsaber. They assume Luke is dead, sad moment between Leia and Luke. End movie with Luke being alive revealed? I could see Luke being replacing Yoda. Rey goes to find him to train or something.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    or watching in a SW movie..

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m gonna dress up like a woman so I can be the lead in the next Star Wars movie. Oh, come on, I know you would too.

  • Smegman

    It rhymes. Like Busta.

  • TapewormBike

    Does everyone really think that they’re all just another generation? I’d hope that they would want to establish actually new characters, not just make this a Skwalker Saga.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It’s a Skywalker saga

  • Smegman

    Between Lucas and the OT.

  • While Spock is continually punching someone in the face screaming “you motherfucker”.

  • Palpatine

    Seeing as how there was a discussion about rape in the new movie, I feel very uncomfortable talking about Star Wars now.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    There already was a Star Wars rape scene

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpXD2tvV-9Q

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Let’s talk about meth addiction. That’s a better topic. Star Wars and meth addiction.

  • Marvin Falz

    I’m skipping TFA in any case. But if it is true that whoever gets raped, than we maybe know now why Leia is crying.

  • RLMkeepitup

    yeah when the new (obviously important) character is asked who she is in the trailer and replies I am no one it’s fair to assume she’s from skywalker ranch. much easier to invent a new bad guy and proceed

  • dollar store cashier wife

    try out something new? pfff get out of here with that radical way of thinking.

  • Marvin Falz

    Considering that the tone of RotS gets pretty dark, how dark must the tone of TFA be to allow for a rape scene?

  • Palpatine

    No no, the Star Wars discussion was ruined after a supposed rape scene in the new movie was brought up. I’m done talking about Star Wars for the time being. God!

  • RLMkeepitup

    they’re just action movies, no real stories in them. there aren’t that many good movies out in the last month…

  • RLMkeepitup

    almost all the special additions to new hope are screen clutter or very poor attempts at humor i.e. someone falling or acting silly. It’s very bizarre

  • Marvin Falz

    The Spock I know from TOS only becomes violent during his Pon farr mating season. Wait a minute, didn’t new Spock have sex with Uhura outside the Pon farr mating season? New Spock isn’t like old Spock anymore.

  • Marvin Falz

    Scarfs.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    What if Jar Jar was raped by that 50s diner monster, Dexter Whatever?

  • RLMkeepitup

    the prequel series was good because it was dark, but finally we can go darker.

  • Palpatine

    That’s fucking disgusting.

  • Or when Wesley and I crashed on the desert moon of Pentarus III along with our alcoholic shuttle pilot. “What are you doing in that filthy uniform, cadet?”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Icky icky goo.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Sparkles Peterson

    So the international trailer actually has me sold on a few predictions I wasn’t onboard with before. Would seem that Kylo Ren is holding Rey hostage when Finn confronts him with Luke’s lightsaber. Why would he have it unless it was the MacGuffin that Kylo Ren was after? And if he’s stealing the lightsaber to go off to rescue Rey, it seems a lot more likely that his body is in fact the one Rey is crying over.

  • tOmy`

    Rape scene in Star Wars? Prequels did it first!

  • Like Icare

    Nah… Only the Return of the Jedi is referential to the previous two movies.
    It’s basically Empire + Original + ending… over a new setting.

    First two were INSPIRED by other things – they didn’t reference them.
    There’s no Flash Gordon or John Carter in them nor does Buddha make an appearance.

    Instead they work with the spirit of those stories and visuals, repackaged in a new form.
    It’s not a remake of Hidden Fortress with Nazis, in SPACE – it just takes some aspects of some elements from various sources and works them into the story.

  • RLMkeepitup

    they don’t call him kit fisto cause he’s into chicks

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Based on the international trailer I’m saying its Luke in the mask who will “finish what we started” – meaning the overthrow of the Sith/Empire which began on the second Death Star. Continuity, I love it!

  • Dandace Dameron

    I just rewatched the international trailer and that sure looks like Han’s hair on the body Rey is crying over. Probably sacrifices himself to save her. Star Wars is all about its full-circle deaths. All I saw was brown hair so it could also be Chewbacca, but the way they killed Chewie in the EU was too cool to mess with hopefully.

  • The Ghost

    I was being intentionally frivolous with my word choice. The greater point is that Star Wars has always called back to something, be it itself or something else.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Chewy will fall off a ledge as we just hear his tarzan roar fade into the ether. He will be survived by his 16 wookie children.

  • Domo

    His Diahann Carroll pornographic hologram collection will live on for several generations. We know it’s in good hands.

  • RLMkeepitup

    these are just our theories based on the trailer though so grain of salt for sure

  • tOmy`

    Dexter Rapester?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • tOmy`

    Finally, a human on orc sex.

  • Like Icare

    It’s what happens when the author is INSPIRED by other works and the ideas in them – instead of just going for the reference.
    All that work Lucas did in the research for “his own Flash Gordon” paid off – he picked up the core ideas of the source material instead of just references.

    Kinda the way Hunter S. Thompson retyped Great Gatsby and A Farewell to Arms to “get the feel” of “writing a great novel”.
    Although, reading them would have probably sufficed.

    The sad thing is it seems Lucas didn’t quite realize what happened there.

    Ascribing too much to his own “creativity”, while ignoring the importance of the source his ideas came from and how exactly that happened.
    Inspiration will do that to a man. Make him think it’s all his own idea.

  • Domo

    And a baby green Jesus! Yay!

  • Like Icare

    Umm… No.

    First two are NOT making callbacks or references.

    Unless you want to refer to words “hidden” and “fortress” used in a sentence about the rebel base as a “callback”. I’m sure audiences all went LOL-ing at that reference.

    Third movie IS “going again” at the same things that were already covered in first two movies.

    First two were INSPIRED by ideas – not actual works or events.
    An idea of an aerial battle, an idea of samurai-like knights, an idea of Hugo Boss-like uniforms to illustrate an oppressive regime, an idea of an invisible mystical magical force holding the universe together…

    Inspiration – not references or callbacks.

  • Like Icare

    I thought that was Moses, being sent down the river.
    An Orc Moses. Orcmoses.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    With Warcraft it always such a stark contrast to go from a lush,impeccably made CGI cutscene back to this:

    https://bnetcmsus-a.akamaihd.net/cms/content_folder_media/JNK5E6WZK5MW1410213971476.jpg

    So maybe Duncan Jones is a genius and it’s all intentional because in this trailer going from Orc scenes to Human scenes is like going from a Pixar movie to Kingdom of Heaven. It’s unbelievably jarring.

  • Looks exactly the way I expected it to be, which can be summed up in a single four letter word….

  • dollar store cashier wife

    HYPE?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I went too far, but since SW went there so… yeah, too far.

  • Poor Duncan Jones.

  • That’s right, wife, I’m hyped as fuck for the cooking of the duck meat.

  • Like Icare

    Both make you grind your teeth?

  • Marvin Falz

    I didn’t ask for much. I just wanted 10 seasons of family quarrels between Han and Leia. Han has to give up smuggling because of an injury and starts to sell shoes. Leia watches TV and eats bonbons all day long. Their kids hate them and they hate each other. Sound of flushing toilette. Big ‘Uns. Deserted kitchen. Empty pants. You know, real life.

  • Cream-A-Thon
  • Like Icare

    Chewy will fall off a ledge

    Fuckin tree-stand safety. How does it work?

  • They go together like a horse and carriage.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Nobody forced him to do this movie. He made Moon for 5 million $ or maybe even less I don’t remember the exact amount. If this movie flops I’ll still see his next small project.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Good

  • Cream-A-Thon

    A reality series set in the Star Wars Universe… GO.

  • But the WC movie is keeping him from working on awesome stuff.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jones really wanted to make this movie based on interviews. He wasted all of the money David Bowie gave him to play Warcraft.

  • Actually it’s piss. Cause those orcs look like they showered too long.

  • Like Icare

    No, no, no, man…
    Han’s married to that OTHER skinny chick from that OTHER chick show.
    Not the one with the horseface, about three girls fucking all over the town.
    The one with a badly CGI-ed dancing baby.

    He’s married to a plank. Not to a horse.
    I guess it’s his carpentry roots.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’re implying that this won’t be awesome.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He could have done what Cameron/Cuaron did. Wait until the actual technology catches up with your vision. That would have robbed us even more of his output but on the other hand maybe this movie woudn’t look like an uncanny valley experience.

  • DARTHCROTCH

    BETTER QUESTION: WHEN CAN I WATCH SPACE COP?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Actually it’s because they drank the blood of some demon and it turned their skin red.

  • Instantly, if you’re terminally ill.

  • It should’ve been all CGI.

  • What are you? Some kind of nerd? L. O. L.!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes and no. It’s also the Mormon explanation for Native Americans.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Local news:Today in Milwaukee little 8 year old terminal cancer patient Timmy Thompson has expressed that his final wish before leaving this world is to see Space Cop.When asked for a comment local alcoholic Mike Stoklasa told the kid to “suck a fat one” and everybody’s favorite homesexual Jay Bauman laughed so hard he blew up the boom operator’s mic.

  • “And not just the men, but the [beep] and the [beep], too.”

  • The Ghost

    Mate, is there any reason you’re being so argumentative about it? I’m speaking about it all very loosely, and you seem intent on giving me an unsolicited film history lesson.

    A New Hope took ideas, tropes, character types etc. and re-purposed them to make something new. Yes. We agree. Whether or not you want to call it a “call back,” “inspiration,” or “reference” I leave up to you. I see it as all three, but whatever. I don’t really see the point in half-agreeing with each other to death.

    Also, maybe saying “original films” was not the proper term to use, because I also meant to include the prequels, which of course were heavily referential to the series at large.

  • jefesw

    Re: Jakku
    So very annoying.. what are you thoughts on the purpose/reason for this decision? the whole movie is shaping up to be mildly frustrating regarding it’s obvious rehash, but at least retain Tatooine if you want to evoke the desert setting

  • Commander X

    The main movie is 75 mins long. First 15 mins are a pre-order only special from Gamestop, dialogue for certain characters are unlockable via DLC. Limited edition comes with a plastic hammer and a multiplayer VIP pass.

  • Domo

    Rich Evans will sit in a corner and go “It ain’t right. It ain’t right.”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “You can’t fuck em if they’re dead”

  • Kill it! All artificial life should be wiped out. Otherwise they will take our jobs and women!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “This is borderline experimental”
    -Jay Bauman on cancer

  • Domo

    They’ll be a toll-free number on the back of the Space Cop DVD.

    It’ll be the best Rich Evans prank call ever!

  • That’s news to m… *silently deletes post*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Rich the Sex Predator Eagle

  • It’ll be too meta for my meta.

  • bassbait

    That’s the band I was referring to earlier. The best hit song of the 80’s is Epic.

    For the record I’m a huge fan of Faith no More and can sing pretty much every song off The Real Thing, Angel Dust, and King for a Day Fool for a Lifetime. I use Mike Patton for vocal practice a lot because I can sing his parts pretty easily.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I thought it was all pretty much spelled out in the trailer. BWAAAAAM.

  • ♫ High way to hell ♫

  • bassbait

    *insert fat guy’s hand in blender*

  • Domo

    “Rich, we got a new job for you. We need you to prank every person that calls this number for the next 3 weeks. We’re gonna film all of it and edit it down to a 4 minute video.

    Then we’ll convert it to a porno line after the video is released. It’ll be great!”

  • Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not one of those fanboys that pee their pants in excitement at BlizzCon.

  • 12 years to make, 12 years to release. 12 years to watch. It says so on the poster!

  • bassbait

    then you checked the comments…

  • bassbait

    and he’s also Finn’s Brotha.

  • bassbait

    I’m still leaning towards my fan theory that The Force Awakens is a blaxploitation film.

  • bassbait

    I looked it up and found nothing. I think it’s bullshit.

  • Remember the rape scene in Star Trek Nemesys. Star Wars is ripping of the franchise.

    #hacklucas

  • I’d call it to hear his laughter.

  • bassbait

    sorry but I can’t find any evidence that there’s even a rumor of a rape scene in the new Star Wars. Needless to say Disney wouldn’t go that far, and a film that’s trying to play 100% to fanservice would do well to avoid something like that.

    I think it was just made up by someone earlier in this comment section because my results are turning up dry (pun half-intended).

    Let’s go back to Star Wars being about stars and wars. Or better yet, let’s go off topic!

  • Hunger Games part Mocking Jay 3

  • Dandace Dameron

    Great idea. So do you think a hot dog is a sandwich?

  • bassbait

    Well, I hate hot dogs, and I hate sandwiches, so yes.

  • Who cares about “””””Star Wars”””””, Point Break 2015 is what the kids want!!!!

  • The Ghost

    Vaya con dios.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    How naive would you have to be to genuinely believe there’s a rape scene in a Disney made Star Wars film? Is this film even gonna be PG-13?

  • bassbait

    I didn’t believe it for a second.

    On a completely unrelated note, my uncle tells me I should watch Irreversible. It sounds like a fun for the whole family kind of movie, is it worth checking out?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Have you seen the THX 1138 Special Addition? It’s not a very good movie to start with so tinkering with it might’ve improved it, especially the pacing.

  • Captain Turbo

    And what’s this about Carrie Fisher telling Daisy Ridley not to wear a slave costume? What a cockblock!

  • bassbait

    I’ve never seen anything Lucas related pre-Star Wars.

  • bassbait

    on another unrelated note, I need to do the voice-over for my Clockwork Orange video today. People have complained that I speak way too fast in videos so I have to force myself to read slower (I’m a fast reader and a fast speaker)

  • Cream-A-Thon

    What do you think the porn title of Space Cop is going to be? I’m going with Space Cop-a-Feel because I’m tired, so tired.

  • Cynical Optimist

    The REAL QUESTION is… Do they have Pizza Rolls on Tatooine/Jakoff/Las Vegas???

  • Cynical Optimist

    Space Cock
    Space Cunt
    Space Cum
    Spread Cop
    Hood Hookups 4: Rich Gets A Bitch

  • Crixxxx

    Why can’t another planet be a desert? There are deserts on nearly every continent on earth. In a galaxy full of thousands of planets some of them are going to have similar geology.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Space Dick works for the sequel and for the porn title.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Starring Jai Courtney as the Fluffer King

  • Captain Turbo

    Space Cop vs the Black Hole
    Space Cop and the Star Virgins
    Space Cop Does Alderaan

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I absolutely loved it. Even if you end up hating it(because you can only either love or hate a Gaspar Noe movie)at least you can appreciate the immaculate technical proficiency it puts on display.

  • bassbait

    he said that it’s the best movie that he never wants to watch again.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Apt. description.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ♫GOD IS DEAD

    AND NO ONE CARES♫

  • Bubs

    Space Cock

  • Whoa!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’m just happy The Human Copipede never happened. Shudder.

  • bassbait

    but we did get The Human Sexipede!

  • Rape? It’s true… all of it.

    *Han looks at Chewie*

  • Dandace Dameron

    The Human Centipede movies weren’t pornos?? Well now I feel awkward…

  • tOmy`

    That actually made me laugh out loud, or as kids put it these days: yolo.

  • But… the last one had Bree Olsen in it…. It must’ve been a porno, rite?

  • “Let me come on your face, cop”

  • tOmy`

    Space Cop XXXL

  • Yolo? I’m too tired to know what that means. And kids… who needs’em.
    *yelling at daughter*
    -We don’t need you.
    -What?
    -Nothing.

  • starring Channing Tatum

  • Maybe even Face Cock

  • Dandace Dameron

    Right? Next they’ll be saying Requiem for a Dream wasn’t a comedy. I laugh my ass off at the end everytime. Stupid druggies lolz.

  • Space Cockring and the Assventures of Rich Gaggins

  • Cream-A-Thon
  • Cream-A-Thon

    If you ever find yourself needing to experience a migraine, watch THX 1138.

  • TheManHole

    If RLM really wants to rack in the bucks they should just call it “Rich Evens wet hot wild ride”.

  • TheManHole

    Yolmao

  • DoctorKillpatient

    Yes, you’re one of those fanboys that talks endlessly about how much he hates it on multiple forums…

  • Palpatine

    I don’t want to talk about Star Wars after that whole rape thing was discussed. Anyone got something else interesting they want to talk about?

  • bassbait

    all I got is A Clockwork Orange.

  • Palpatine

    It’s a great movie. That has rape in it. Fuck!

  • bassbait

    it’s the only thing I’ve watched recently besides uh… Samurai Cop. Got any Samurai Cop stories?

  • Marvin Falz

    I just discovered ‘And Justice For Jason’ and I love it. The video is two years old, so it’s probably old hat for this webzone.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kqTcLwUYj8

  • bassbait

    It was long overdue. And I’m still pissed that they haven’t even bothered to remaster it. Like wtf, we already have the original, and everybody wants to hear the album with PROPER bass mixing, so why doesn’t Metallica reissue and remaster the album and then they make a shit zillion dollars, and we get to hear the album how it *should* sound?

  • bassbait

    when my band has better bass mixing than the biggest Metal band on the planet, that’s fucking sad.

  • Marvin Falz

    Maybe Lars Ulrich fights against a reissue. I wonder though if the information is correct that Ulrich is to blame for the lack of bass. I mean, he’s not George Lucas, he isn’t the monarch whose word is the law.

  • bassbait

    it was him and James both. They basically just said “turn up the drums” “ok now turn up the guitar” “ok now turn up the drums” until the bass was pretty much out of the mix. But you can hear it *faintly*. Barely at all. But it’s there. They just needed to learn how to mix.

  • bassbait

    to be fair we have better mixing because I heard AJFA a long time ago and thought “wtf there’s no bass” and made absolutely sure that I didn’t fall into the same trap.

  • Marvin Falz

    Faintly, but it’s there. With and without the bassline audible, the album is impressive. The album after Justice had to be worse. Justice is Metallica’s master piece, even better than Master of Puppets.

  • Marvin Falz

    You’re playing bass?

  • Captain Turbo

    How about Kung Fury? I’m pretty sure there’s no rape in it but honestly, it’s hard to be sure.

  • bassbait

    nah I’m a singer and songwriter but I just think every instrument needs to be heard for an album to truly shine.

  • Palpatine

    Haven’t seen it. But there’s a sequel coming out that looks intentionally bad.

  • bassbait

    I’m half and half on this. I think Master of Puppets is a better album, but AJFA has better songs. “Blackened”, “And Justice for All”, “One”, “The Shortest Straw”, and “Dyer’s Eve” for example are easily some of the most advanced songs they’ve ever written. However, if I’m going to put on a Metallica album and listen to the whole thing, it’s probably gonna be Master, because it’s more coherent. If we go by the sum of it’s parts? Master. If we go by the parts themselves? AJFA.

  • Marvin Falz

    Absolutely. Why write for an instrument when you don’t hear the instrument in the arrangement? It doesn’t make sense.

  • bassbait

    I say check it out, but it doesn’t compare to Things. Even my mom agreed which was surprising, she seems to love dumb action movies and hate dumb horror movies, but apparently when Things reaches *that* level of awfulness, it transcends it’s genre.

  • Palpatine

    Seen it. Didn’t care for it.

  • bassbait

    Well I don’t write 100% of the song, I write the structure and riffs, then I let my bandmates add in whatever parts they want to their own part. To paraphrase Paul Masvidal, I write the songs in black and white, and they give it color.

  • DoctorKillpatient

    You guys overlooked the fact how the best movie in the trilogy was about a son discovering that his father is the villain. It is likely JJ has something similar in the works with a slight twist.

    Perhaps Rey (Ridley) is crying over Finn (Boyega; who might have lost his arm and lays injured after confronting Kylo Ren), because she discovers that she and Ren (Driver) are sister and brother.
    Or cousins, if Ren is Leia’s son and Rey is Luke’s daughter. And maybe Finn is also Leia’s son after she cheated on Han with Lando… bitch…

  • Captain Turbo

    Yes, I have. And no, it didn’t. The masturbation machine was pretty much the final nail in Lucas’ creative coffin.

  • bassbait

    I think I screwed up that last part. The whole of Master is better than the sum of it’s parts, and AJFA’s parts are better than the whole. I’m tired.

  • Marvin Falz

    No prob. For my taste it’s the other way around. Be it as it may Master and Justice are my two most favorite Metallica albums. I like Garage Days. And their version of Stone Cold Crazy, originally by Queen.

  • Marvin Falz

    Seems to me the most logical way for a band.

  • bassbait

    Metallica’s got at most 4 classic albums, at least 3. They’re a big influence on me, along with Iron Maiden. But fuck anything after AJFA.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Fun fact: My nice, unsuspecting, Jewish mother loves the Alien series for the chest-poppers and face-huggers. Any movie with practical gory make-up and effects, really, and she’s interested. Otherwise her tv fare is night-time soaps and reality shows. Go figure.

  • Marvin Falz

    Agreed. Never got into the spirit of Iron Maiden’s music. Pantera replaced Metallica as my number one metal band.

  • bassbait

    good mom. My dad raised me on hellraiser and alien and all that shit, and my mom used to be into it but she started to not like it anymore around the time I was a teenager.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Bummer. There were some interesting concepts in it (mandatory drug taking, for instance) and the overarching anti-capitalism message (I think?) is a contrast to the Jorge we’ve come to know.

  • Commander X

    They’re going to make a Hallmark Channel movie about it, the inspiring story of a group of people who went to Milwaukee to help a ailing young boy see the much anticipated Space Cop before it’s release. Starring Harris Yulin as Mike Stoklasa, Gena Rowlands as Rich Evans and Jennie Garth as Susan.

  • bassbait

    My number 1 Metal band is The Dillinger Escape Plan.

    Pantera’s fucking great though. Another major influence on me.

    Maiden just has a knack for driving the emotions of a song so that it can get really dark, then really bright in the space of one song without it coming across as cheesy. Plus Iron Maiden was the first band to teach me that every instrument is important, not just the vocals. Each member of the band plays an important role in their sound, and I learned a lot from that.

  • Cakefarts
  • bassbait

    no Jedi Rocks???

  • Marvin Falz

    I believe he has realized that he needs a lot of money if he wants to see his vision come alive on screen. Jim Henson says in a Muppet docu that the only reason for selling merchandise is to improve the quality of the shows.

  • Marvin Falz

    Hmm, I should revisit Iron Maiden. I know I owned one IM record about 20 years ago. ‘Holy Smokes’ is one of the songs of the album. The most memorable song to me.

  • bassbait

    oh GOD. The WORST Iron Maiden album.

    Put on the song “Seventh Son of a Seventh Son” right now.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “14. The Revenge of Burpo Fett”? I don’t even know where to start.

  • Marvin Falz

    Eddie. The name of the monster is Eddie and he reminds me of Tomb Raider 1.

  • bassbait

    no really, I think “Seventh Son of a Seventh Son” is a good song to reintroduce you to the band, because if you are basing your opinion on No Prayer for the Dying, it’s like basing your opinion of Metallica on “Load”, y’know?

  • Marvin Falz

    Yes, I understand. I recognize the sound of fate in the chorus of “Seventh Son of a Seventh Son”. Typical for Maiden.

  • bassbait

    The 90’s hit hard for all of the mainstream metal bands and the quality took a big dive. The only two mainstream Metal bands in the 90’s that were worth shit were Pantera and Faith no More.

  • Marvin Falz
  • Malevolence

    My prediction… Mike and Rich are putting far more thought into the plot than the writers did. There’s probably not a deep plot or twist

  • Dandace Dameron

    Boop Beep Deep (Fuckbot’s theme)

  • Palpatine

    John Williams is getting crazy in his old age. I think it’s time for his apprentice, Michael Giachano, to take his place.

  • Marvin Falz

    Pantera never disappointed like Metallica did. I didn’t follow Pantera’s works after Reinventing the Steel, but not because they disappointed. I just was fed up with metal in general. Some years later I heard about Dimebag’s death. Shocking. Pantera’s still active, they maintain their own website and celebrate 20 years of Far Beyond Driven.

    I also liked some albums by NoFX. White Trash is a classic. Never gets old.

  • Ben

    Please don’t let Luke turn to the Dark Side. Watching John Connor become an asshole in TERMINATOR: GENISISSY was depressing enough.

  • bassbait

    Pantera didn’t release anything after Reinventing the Steel, they split up.

  • Palpatine

    Question: Who is the greatest film composer of all time?
    Answer: John Williams.

    Bite it Morricone fanboys!

  • Marvin Falz

    Ah okay. What a shame though, Dimebag was a guitar hero. And he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy, as far as I can judge by footage from the Dimebag Clinic.

  • bassbait

    One of the last true guitar legends. Though I feel like the guy from Dillinger Escape Plan deserves that award, even if just for his stage presence.

    as in, this guy –

    http://skullsnbones.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2013/08/Dillinger-1.jpg

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Luke encounters a Gungan? This can’t be real.

  • Marvin Falz

    John Williams’ music for the prequels elevate the prequels. Shows you his great musical ability.

  • Greatest? Don’t know really. Jerry Goldsmith is nice.

  • Marvin Falz

    He’s hanging upside down. Nice.

    I’m tired too. I think I’m callling it a night soon.

  • Hey! Watch that filthy mouth!

  • bassbait

    Mike Patton.

  • Marvin Falz

    His “voice is smooth as silk” – Phil Rind.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tSX4EexAe0

  • Palpatine

    He sounds familiar. What movies did he compose?

  • Palpatine

    He’s pretty good.

  • bassbait
  • What a poop mouth!

  • I take it they call him that because he has gastric problems.

  • bassbait

    oh he also did the soundtrack to Crank: High Voltage.

  • Youssa bantha pudu!

  • He also worked with John Zorn on a lot of things.

  • bassbait

    yea. I especially love Litany IV.

  • Palpatine

    That’s a cool last name.

  • bassbait

    wait till you hear his music…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXcgg7WC7LI

  • Palpatine

    You forgot to go; “blblblblblblbl!”

  • Blblallblablalvlalblal AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

  • I’m not yet fluent in made up gibberish.

  • OH MY GOD! There’s pudu on your face!

  • Palpatine

    NOPE!!!

  • Funny Games theme.

  • Do you care for some?

  • bassbait

    I could probably scream like that if I wanted too. I can make a lot of nasty noises with my throat. Problem is I’m in an apartment.

  • John Zorn can also be easy on the ears.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGbUxtdLpFY

  • bassbait

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hdkpd3fQ7SM this is a better example I’d say. This sounds like it could fit into Super Mario Sunshine’s soundtrack tbh.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “He’s a fartier character than we’ve ever had before.”

  • bassbait

    oh and if you want a more legitimate answer, I genuinely think Shane Carruth makes some great soundtracks to his own movies. Check this one out for reference –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QYwhrWoLuE

  • Heliogabalus has some interesting stuff but I enjoy Zorn’s string quartets more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUcbchLDq64&list=PLBA335AB187C04B81

  • bassbait

    this to me sounds a lot like the Portal soundtrack. But I like the production here better.

  • RLMkeepitup

    is it too soon for space cop theories yet?

  • bassbait

    reminds me of Shostakovich, who Mike Patton sampled in Faith no More’s song “Malpractice”. Full circle.

    To be honest I’ve known Zorn for a while, but I more know his connection to Mike Patton than his work without Mike. But I’ve known Painkiller and Naked City. That kind of stuff is the kind of music I’d be making if I had musicians on board. But with more lyrics, less screaming gibberish into the mic.

    When it comes to the avant-garde scene I’m most familiar with Mike and Buckethead. Oh and The Residents. I did a video once explaining the meaning behind a Residents’ album and the lyrics/story it tells. That video got deleted a long time ago though. I still have it on my hard-drive but it’ll get insta-blocked if I upload it again.

  • Palpatine

    I like it. Reminds me of John Carpenter’s compositions.

  • It’ll be just a PreRec episode.

  • Palpatine

    Space Cop and the detective will be brothers.

  • bassbait

    have you ever seen one of his films? He’s only got two. Primer and Upstream Color. When I looked up a list of best sci-fi films of this century, both of those two were in the top 7 on the list, and Upstream Color was number 2. He does a lot of work on them – produces, directs, stars in the lead role, does the cinematography, editing, soundtrack, writes the films. Primer had a budget of 7,000 dollars (Which is fucking nothing, probably less than Space Cop) and ended up being a masterpiece. I seriously can gush over this guy’s talent as a film-maker. He’s just some guy too, just some engineer I think, who started making films. He needs more exposure because he’s pretty much the best thing to happen to film-making in a long while, although his films do tend to lean a bit towards the surreal at times.

  • RLMkeepitup

    just a couple of friendly hacks, who came to Milwaukee, to break into the film business. Oh that’s the RLM movie, my bad

  • Palpatine

    Hi Rich!
    Hi Jack!
    Uh huh huh huh huh huh!
    Gahahahahaha!
    Uh huh huh huh huh huh!
    Gahahahahaha!

  • Palpatine

    Don’t. Even. Start!

  • Lawrence Kasdan rumored to write!

  • Space Cops future not yet born dead wife is probably dead… in the future.
    In the past… she’s not even born.

    Time travel plot. Definitely!

  • I’m betting. BFF’s and possibly clones.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’m expecting the detective to be totally incopitant at his job, sitting at home in panties eating jelly doughnuts, stuck with prequel re-runs on tv.

  • A monkey on crack wrote it.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Maybe it’s Ted Priors wife from deadly prey. Caught in an asteroid field of ex wives corpses.

  • Palpatine

    Racist!

  • All monkeys are addicts and pushers.

    #IHATETHEM

  • Rusty Galloway

    This has probably been said (in fact, everything has probably been said for this movie long before I can say it) but I really hate that we know the actor for that Ren guy. I mean to be honest I am absolutely uninterested in how the movie turns out, my investment is 0. But I imagine Darth Vader’s true identity not being known was part of the reason audiences were given room to speculate in the original trilogy or whatever.They should have tried to keep that Ren guy more of secret to not only generate more speculation but because it would give that sort of mysteriousness that Vader had. I know that with a movie like this, and with the internet, and with people probably working on the movie who can’t keep quiet about it, there’s probably little chance it wouldn’t have been leaked. Still, I imagine it would have been much better if the identity was secret, at leas tin my opinion.

  • Oh, snap! There’s an angle I hadn’t considered. Lando laying Leia.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Good. I don’t think anyone would appreciate that kind of thing in a SW movie..

  • Palpatine

    Oh, you meant an actual monkey. I thought you meant, nevermind.

  • What?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Lucas was the reason all of the choir singing is in the prequels. John Williams didn’t want to put a choir in the music, and I agree 100%.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Some rape in that one

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    She’s just trying to remain relevant by saying feminist things, and she’s probably jealous of the young girls body

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Fucking good movie….

  • Palpatine

    Nothing, nothing, go back to sleep.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Ha! It’s going to be a laugh when the Prequels turn out to be the more ambitious, less clichéd, of the Star Wars reboots (as suggested beginning 43:52).

    These guys couldn’t have possibly made this whole thing sound less dull.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It was just a rumor Palpy, but I had to address it, just to make sure that I’m not here with a bunch of low li…….

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Like someone said earlier, it us who will be getting raped….

  • Palpatine

    Saying the Prequels will be better than the new movies is a bold statement.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    I didn’t say better. I said more originally conceived.

    Actually, I said “more ambitious, less clichéd,” but I just meant telling, at least, a story that wasn’t essentially the same as the story told before.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Ren is only in the damn thing as a bait and switch. That’s why he isn’t going to be in 8. He isn’t needed, because Bad Luke Skywalker.

    You guys act as if you’ve never even heard of J.J. Abrams before.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I think everyone is ruining it for themselves by trying to predict the story. To me it already has a lot of issues and stuff I may find silly or even dumb. I’m still going to see it in the theater though…rape anyone?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I take it Pre-Rec isn’t your bag?

  • Palpatine

    That’s true, the Prequels did have a different storyline than the Originals, you got to give them that, despite the fact the storyline in the Prequels wasn’t told well.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    The answer is: Bernard Herrmann.

    Bite it all of you!

  • Palpatine

    As someone who isn’t a gamer, not really.

  • Palpatine

    I like him.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    As a gamer I can barely deal with it, but I do kind of like it..

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I like the Late Howard Shore and Zimmer then John and then Jerry. Daft Punk is in there too, but I think Zimmer is one of them..

  • Palpatine

    Do you really think Luke will be a villain?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I think that is done by design. Mike and Rich are steadfast in the belief that the first 2 or 3 SW movies captured something that can’t really be captured again in the SW franchise and I firmly agree with them. That kind of magic can happen again, but it will have to come out of left field and take everyone by surprise, like what happened with Star Wars.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Fuck I hope not..

  • Palpatine

    Same. I just can’t see him as a villain.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Yes. Of course. At the very least he will be assumed to be so.

    That’s why Leia’s crying.
    That’s why his nephew has turned hardcore.

    (Fuck. I don’t even really care.)

  • tOmy`

    Leave my mao out of it!

  • tOmy`

    Let’s be honest here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOtoIBrBAYE

    Mona Lisa Overdrive is also pretty badass.

  • tOmy`

    You know, if we keep talking The Force Awakens for a little bit longer, we will eventually write a better script in these comments.

    It’s like that monkey theory.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • bassbait

    this is the best Matrix song –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFS4zYWxzNA

  • tOmy`

    But that’s not score tho. But I agree. I strongly suggest checking out the whole album featuring:

    Rob Dougan – Furious Angels

    Rob is pretty freaking amazing.

  • tOmy`

    Primer is love.

  • tOmy`

    Also: Clint Mansell.

  • bassbait

    When I was in high school, I entered a film into a student film fest for kids in my school district. The film fest took place in an actual theater (it was the school’s theater but it was bigger than an average cinema) packed full of kids. They opened the film fest with a lot of different John Williams themes. I thought it was funny because all of the kids put a lot of effort into making their student films good, meanwhile me and my friend made a short film that makes “Western Ore Musical” look good. It had no dialogue and was intentionally designed to be unwatchable, and we subjected a theater full of people to it. It’s one of my proudest moments.

    There’s no relation except that they played John Williams themes before the fest started.

  • jefesw

    I guess in the case of a galaxy that tends to only have planets with one global climate/terrain/biome..it seems needlessly redundant.
    Deliberately contrived by filmmakers, in other words.

  • jefesw

    dull but probably accurate, sadly.

  • RPK

    Not sure they could top the home alone like ending of skyfall with all those zany booby traps murdering highly trained killers.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If ambitious means having balls, it took big balls to introduce the audience something like that farting camel. Some artist had to design the butthole of that creature. How sad is that?

  • bassbait

    Oh god… that fucking Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland is getting a sequel –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anvGUW-vsLE

  • TheManHole

    Why!? Who asked for this? I mean I assume the last one made enough to pay for its budget but that does not mean they needed to make another one. This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • bassbait

    I honestly hope this gets on HITB. And if it’s bad I hope they tear it a new one.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Disney has too much money and power, they can make what they want, fuck everybody else…

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    It was a well designed butthole, the stench was Palpabletine.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Causality loop? No Casualty loop…

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Pink whipped pudu? You bet!!!

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    But if they build over Jar Jar Binks’s grave, then they’ll be haunted!

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    A Jar-Jar ghost would be truly horrible. I could see him tagging along with Anakin and Ben..When weesa goin home???

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    just….fuck…was that Sasha Baren Choen?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yes.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I hope the new star wars is so bad that they never make anything else again. and Commenters… the rape jokes are WAY LESS FUNNY THAN YOU THINK! out.

  • Palpatine

    Thank you.

  • bassbait

    I watch RLM videos on repeat. It sucks because now I’m running out of videos to watch. I’ve seen them all repeatedly and they don’t put out new content enough. Anybody have suggestions for other people on the internet who produce a lot of high quality content that I can binge watch?

  • RLMkeepitup

    Jim Sterling or Angry Joe if you like games. Doug Walker or Cinema Snob if you like movies. I’m sure you know those already.

  • bassbait

    already watch all of them lol. None of them regularly anymore. They all started to be unwatchable after a while, though I still keep up with Jimquisitions.

  • bassbait

    and Nostalgia Critic’s editorials are decent. I wish he would do more of those and less reviews full of cut-away gags and memes and shit.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Agreed. Still for every skit he does I don’t laugh there’s usually one I do. I also forgot James Rolfe’s videos but he’s very well known as well.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its a sad childish joke by people who deserve to be raped so they stop thinking its funny.
    Go back to Reddit you fuckwhits.

  • bassbait

    Met Rolfe twice and saw the AVGN movie premiere on the first night lol. AVGN is one of my top 5 binge-watching things, along with RLM and H3H3Productions, and to a lesser extent Internet Comment Etiquette with Erik.

    Nostalgia Critic has always been a half and half for me. There’s always something to be frustrated with and something to enjoy, but that stopped for a long time. Idk somewhere past the Garbage Pail Kids review or so.

    Also another one is Spoony, he’s someone who I can enjoy half the time and the other half I cringe.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    dude not you too… sad face.

  • Red Letter Media Archive Collection Volume 1 DD or DVD and Gorilla Interrupted always helps me with ‘the shakes’. Otherwise Pre Rec streams.

    Chris Stuckmann is nice otherwise.

  • bassbait

    I’ve seen Chris Stuckmann a lot and his thumbnails make me say “noooo” but I might check him out if I run out of things completely.

    Pre Rec streams no thanks lol, I tried attending once and it was TF2 and I could not for the life of me build up the energy to care. Since then I realized that I should probably avoid streams unless I happen to *love* the game being played, and Pre-Rec hardly does that.

    If I had money I’d probably buy some of RLM’s movies or whatnot. I did enjoy Grabowskis.

  • Joe Syxpac
  • A Jar Jar force ghost? Please Jay Jay no!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    that is fucking good. i want to see that version of the movie.

  • Stuckmann is nice. He does not act like a retarded frog nor has he a vibrating parrot.

    Hmmm. Your movies suck dot org is kinda fun but he is always so negative and takes things to the extreme in nitpickyness. He can’t really critique the way Jay and Mike put it in a more constructive light.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    that comment is Epic.

  • RLMkeepitup

    h3 is new to me, looks hilarious

  • bassbait

    check out his reaction videos. They’re hilarious. He’s the kind of guy I honestly wish would end up on BOTW as a guest.

  • bassbait

    not to mention he really seems to love his fans and I respect that.

  • bassbait

    my bro refers to YMS as “Plinkett lite” because he’s not as good, not as insightful, but is entertaining none-the-less.

    Idk if you’re into games but some examples of the kind of guys I like is Super Bunnyhop, Matthewmatosis, and this guy Noah Caldwell Gervais. The bottom line is, I like a lot of insight with a bit of comedy, rather than the other way around. Be funny but emphasize review as the top thing. That’s why I respect a lot of Plinkett, especially early Plinkett – the humor comes from the movie, from the observations, not cut-away gags to bullshit. Plinkett does have cut-aways and they’re usually alright but my favorite Plinkett jokes are the ones that are worked into the review.

  • TheManHole

    This guy I found the other day and he does a really good Best of the worst style series about the bottom 100 movies. There is a strong RLM influence he even says they where part of his decision to make content. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQpBNImMF1E&list=PLxOKy-G3phBomkGrPJuQwUawQmS_1ysNN

  • bassbait

    I know about this guy too but haven’t watched anything.
    I’ve always been meaning to get into the insightful/funny review stuff myself, but my energy levels are so damn low that I can never get past half a script.

  • ElectricPrism

    Star Wars: A New Moon

    That’s no moon it’s a Death Moon

  • Palpatine

    Rich Evans looks like Paulie from Rocky. Just sayin’.

  • He looks so different with the beard. I guess they finally finished Space Cop and Rich went back to the homeless man look.

  • bassbait

    and Mike looks like Rocky.

  • Wolvy

    Seanbaby.com is trippin.

  • bassbait

    Seanbaby goes way back. He’s alright but I was never super into him.

  • Will there black goo be in District 9: Paradise Lost now? The whole ‘universe thing’ makes me confused. It used to be about drunken hillbillies in space driving a mining ship and getting eaten by a slim man in a rubber suit.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, he does. But only fatter.

  • Palpatine

    Iron Jim is the one made the series into action schlock.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No sir I thank you, after i went to bed you realised what was going on and posted what I was thinking. you have my vote in the senate.

  • bassbait

    Question – would anybody be entertained by the idea of an actor BOTW? As in a BOTW where the theme is Nic Cage films? They pick three “so bad they’re hilarious” Nic Cage films and try to determine which one is best?

    Deadfall would be one of them, and The Wicker Man I guess. Maybe Face/Off as the third one? Idk.

  • bassbait

    could also do the same with Arny films.

  • Captain Turbo

    That’s a trick question. Nic Cage is not an actor.

  • Captain Turbo

    Fat Rocky should be a film. Just sayin’.

  • Captain Turbo

    Basil Poledouris and anyone who disagrees is gay.

  • Palpatine

    Nah, I’d prefer a more obscure actor.

  • bassbait

    I wasn’t saying Nic Cage specifically that was just an example. It could be any actor who’s been in a lot of shit roles.

  • You MUST see THE DYING OF THE LIGHT (2014) for a ‘so bad it’s good’ Nic Cage film. Most of his recent 90 minute straight-to-VOD work has been dull and he has avoided going Classic Cage. This one,