Star Wars: The Force Awakens Clickbait Video

December 15, 20153,072 Comments

Rich and Mike talk more about Star Wars! Lightsabers!


Filed in: General UpdatesShort Films

  • Dustin McMahon

    Oh my God!

  • El_Runko

    “Be the first to comment.”
    DONE!

  • metalraygear

    damnit….. i want to watch this SO BAD….. but i can’t no spoilers…. no trailers… no snippets of trailers….. I have to go two more weeks.

  • kuhpunkt

    Where’s Susan?!

  • I clicked.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No! The annoying narrator is back!

  • Rafael Castilho Monteiro

    thats R2D2 purse really is for fat chicks, a very clever and audacious jokei would say.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    You’re really hurting for that sweet sweet $$$$$ aren’t you Mike Jewklasa!

  • kuhpunkt

    That JJ interview XD

  • Jaxxon Action Figure

    How stoned were the guys in the interviews around 03:00?

  • The Ghost

    Finally got to see him finish. About bloody time.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Jay’s method acting makes Daniel Day Lewis look like Adam Sandler.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Thank you for interrupting me watching The Phantom Menace.

  • Mattia Guidarelli
  • genetunneygent

    I clicked as I will always click on all RedLetterMedia clickbait.

  • Mr Flibble

    Those guys you interviewed looked familiar. I think one of them played the kid in Firehouse Dog.

  • Daniel

    FAILUUUUURE

  • Brad Parks

    You know it’s a throwaway joke, but I have to correct so many damn people on that Bothan line being from Jedi and not New Hope.

  • Jessica Meyer

    You’re safe.

  • James Earl Jones

    Mike did say “2nd Death Star”, didn’t he?
    (now i’m not sure if you’re talking about the video or about something else)

  • James Earl Jones

    I seriously thought Rich was going to say that the sexy stormtrooper costume was for whores/susan/himself.

  • James Earl Jones

    There’s a tiny little bit of a trailer in it. Not even a full scene.

  • Jay stole my glasses!

  • Andrew

    Make sure you stick around for the explosive last scene!

  • James Earl Jones
  • Steven Gibbs

    click bait is like a pit with SPIKES at the bottom

  • Moist

    Yep, free will is an illusion.

  • Marvin Falz

    Disney really belittles the fans who grew up with the OT by dividing the fans into an old and a new generation? That’s lower than all the PR-hype and all the toys combined.

  • Strong_Bow

    Did you stop watching at 7:28?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Fuck Star Wars movies!

  • Palpatine

    Is this a joke video?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s dead serious.

  • TheManHole

    This video is racist to china men.

  • Brad Parks

    Yea, joke being Rich talking about Bothans being in Rogue 1, but it wasn’t the Bothans that got the 1st Death Star plans. But anytime I mention Death Star plans everyone says “many bothans died” and I have to interrupt their inane yammering and correct their inaccurate lore recitation. It’s like people don’t even remember Mon Mothma anymore, ungrateful kids these days.

  • Yeah! China men made the American railroads!

  • Michael Collins

    They reeled me in, god damn it!

  • TheManHole

    I think that was the Irish.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Rich in a button down shirt? What?

  • Max Wylde

    I have tried very hard to avoid any information about this film, even not to watch TV for weeks! AND SHIT! I know the names of all of the main characters of this movie!! Dammit! This better be good! But I half expect to see Jar Jar Binks mooning us somewhere in this film.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Good thing Mike & Rich don’t speak Asian.
    I don’t know what that means.

  • Domo

    You haven’t been spending your Patreon money on beer.

    You’ve been spending it on Goddamn Star Wars toys!

    The fuck is wrong with you?!

  • TheManHole

    So the real question is who is hotter Nerd Rich or Nerd Jay?

  • I think I’d still rather see nerd Jay naked and in my bed… Rich has his R5D4.

  • Otto T

    This actually might be their best video of all time.

  • Evertale

    He’s so dense… Adam Sandler, that is.

  • Are you sure Disney won’t take it down for explicit sexual content?

  • Evertale

    It’s been a long time cumming

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I can’t wait for RLM’s colab. with Miley Cirus.

    #life is just performance art

  • Rich is going to come in like a wrecking ball.

  • Djorge

    Was that actually JJ? Or was he edited in?

  • tOmy`

    4/10.

    GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes.

  • Yeah, it’s no Nerd Talk or F*uck You, it’s January!

  • Palpatine

    RLM’s failed attempts to show off their former cynicism really shows here.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Yeah they blew their entire patreon savings on this one interview. I say it was worth it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Or Jared Leto look like Kevin James.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well aren’t you sick of this fucking marketing too?

  • And here I wanted to say they used seamless editing techniques.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I think what they’re really saying is, “Here we go again.”

  • I’d be sick of everything having watched all 3 prequels like he did.

  • Mr. Pedantic

    It’s one thing to create ridiculous merchandise, but they’re using Star Wars to sell fucking CARS that have nothing to do with anything. Someone please tell Dodge and Chrysler that Star Wars isn’t the same thing as Christmas. It’s not going to help you sell vehicles, unless you actually install light speed or an energy shield or even a collectible sticker on your crappy car.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Or Rich Evans Reacts to Star Wars Force Awakens trailer.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Filmed during the promotional tour stop in Milwaukee.

  • tOmy`

    I personally love the Duracell ads.

    It’s good to show interest in… batteries…

  • tOmy`

    They payed him the brick of gold they got from Landis.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I was a little surprised not to see Yoda driving one of the Fiat 500 Abarth when their SW tie-in aired.

  • tOmy`

    Rich got SWAG. Jay getS VAG.

    Ahahahahahahahaaaaa.

  • Palpatine

    I think it’s obvious they’re looking forward to seeing it and they’re just acting cynical to mask their excitement.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    #nazi gold

  • tOmy`

    *post-credit scene

    #GetWIthTimes

  • I mean I could almost believe they were in space!

  • TheManHole

    Which is a good idea I imagine they where genuinely excited for the prequels and after seeing an interview with Mike, Rich, and Jay after they saw it you can definitely tell they where crushed with how bad it was. At least this way they can say they told us so.

  • TheManHole

    #RLM confirmed for the next Avengers.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did they steal it from John Travolta as an alien?

  • Palpatine

    I haven’t been paying attention to it.

  • Domo

    JJ Abrams stars sparkled. Mike and Rich’s stars did not.

    Those hack frauds couldn’t even pimp their fake interview with sparkly stars!

  • Palpatine

    It sure was! Disney paid JJ to be interviewed by them.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The Chewbacca surfing poster is confusing to me. Is it some sort of reference?

  • Domo

    I know what I’m gonna use my Star Wars lipstick for.

  • Ogrot

    SO MUCH STAR WARS I WANT TO GOUGE MY FUCKING EYES OUT!!!

  • Palpatine

    Wow, Rich looks like he’s lost a good amount of weight. Good for him.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But it looks like he hasn’t slept in a month.

  • Ogrot

    Making out with your child sized Darth Vader doll?

  • Palpatine

    He always looks like that.

  • Domo

    I just want to feel beautiful, God Nibblets!

  • Bobby Brown

    Maybe they think that they have to be cynical because that’s what people want from them. Judging by all the footage that has been shown and the early reviews, The Force Awakens is likely to be at minimum a decent movie. There’s no longer any chance that it’s going to be worse than the prequels. I suspect that RLM’s review will be very much like their review of the Star Trek reboot. The only major criticism I expect is that the plot ends up being too similar to A New Hope.

  • Palpatine

    Well yeah we want them to be cynical, it’s what they’re best at.

  • Gavin Callaghan
  • Domo

    Jay Bauman’s sexy pedophile glasses have graced the Internet before. They shall do it again.

  • Palpatine

    Nerd Jay.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    that was a nice treat. 12 hours and 45 minutes.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Like Mau CauCau?

  • Palpatine

    Jay looks adorkable in his Stormtrooper manchild onesie.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Palpatine

    Until what?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    World War III

  • Palpatine

    Yay!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Palpatine

    That means I won’t have to see this piece of shit film! Am I cool now?

  • RLMkeepitup

    oh my god look at Jay.. ironically Mike is geeking out the hardest here

  • Domo

    I think Jay is small enough for that onesie to be child sized.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Until I die from the cancer Episode II is gonna give me.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Till the Australian release, and the moment I disconnect the Internet till I have seen the movie.

  • Palpatine

    It could probably fit me as well.

  • Palpatine

    It gets released there first?! Goddamn it!

  • Domo

    Do you have 80s glasses? You could probably pass off as his Italian cousin.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s nice to see you dug up Gorrila Interrupted Jay from the grave.

  • Palpatine

    Considering my height, I probably could.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Not until you buy Star Wars themed t-shirt,purse,lipstick,condom,car,bottle opener,tooth paste,car oil,hamburger,socks,hat,monopoly board game,curtains,lamps,computer mouse,keyboard,pen,notebook,pregnancy test,

  • Earth

    The world needs more Dex.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But you won’t be as cool as Cool Cat. He loves babies!

  • Palpatine

    Sadly they couldn’t get G****t G******t.

  • TheManHole

    Please tell me pregnancy test is just a pee strip lightsaber.

  • yellowface

    FORCE IT IN

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    We are the worst Pirates in the world. but we dont upload. giving it to us first means we wont steal it and we never learnt how to upload because we have never got anything first b4. we didnt even get Fury Road first.

  • Domo

    If I buy the Star Wars First Response Pregnancy test, is there a way to test my future spawn’s midichlorian count?

    Is there an advanced option to find out if she’s leaning light or dark side?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That would be hilarious! right at the moment the movie opens. Boom Multiple EMPs all over the world… every digitally copy is wiped and no one EVER gets to see it.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t have any of that stuff.

  • Palpatine

    No! We don’t need more Dexter Jetster!

  • Earth

    But how else will George Lucas get his cameo in the new movie?

  • Earth

    Rich’s facial expressions.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh that guy.

  • stryker1121

    I feel like I’ve been baited to click on this video. For shame, RLM!

  • Earth

    I think this movie might just beat Titanic.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mike’s face in the thumbnail. He looks like a Muppet.

  • stryker1121

    With our very special guest, John Denver yaaaayyyyyy!

  • Bhazor

    Admit it, you’re going to put it on then suck off your dog imagining it’s chewbaca. I know. I’ve done it.

  • stryker1121

    Wait, Rich owns a tie? Or did he grab that from the prop room?

  • Bhazor

    The reference is “Fuck You. Starwars.”

  • Palpatine

    No matter how outdated the effects look, the Death Star assault at the end of A New Hope still looks amazing.

  • Bhazor

    So much Star Wars that I long for death.

  • Earth

    Rich, 38

    About Rich. I’m Rich Evans. I’m an internet celebrity
    I love walks on the beach, talking until the sun rises
    and having sex! That’s why we’re here let’s be honest
    I also love video games, laughing, and STAR WARS!

  • Palpatine

    Yes, that guy.

  • Domo

    “And if you don’t know what sex is, don’t worry! I googled it after watching Where Did I Come From?

  • Bhazor

    Cosby Won Kenobi

  • Earth

    The Birds and the Beads right?

  • Dionysus

    03:02 – Why would Chewbaca’s hair be gray? that’s just a human trait… I guess they could have made his fur all patchy and stringy like an old dog’s.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mike didn’t say this was the worst film he’s ever seen or reference The Office or TNG. He must be a clone Mike.

  • Palpatine

    A New Hope has so many unintentional sexual lines in it, it’s funny.

  • Palpatine

    Nah, he was just drunk.

  • Earth

    Only imperial stormtroopers are so precise.

  • Palpatine

    His father Itchy looked old in The Holiday Special, so why not Chewie?

  • Palpatine

    Look at the size of that thing!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You had to reference that?

  • Domo

    Chewbacca’s Clairol sponsor wouldn’t allow the natural grey to show.

  • Palpatine

    Eh, someone had to.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Wizard Phoenix

    He googled “what is sex” and got Amazon links to anal beads.

  • Earth

    Myself, the boy, two droids…and no questions asked.

  • Palpatine

    Everyone on here do themselves a favor, and go find the De-specialized Editions of the Original Trilogy, now!!!!

  • Ogrot

    Rich’s Tinder Profile:

    Rich, 38

    About Me:
    I may be allergic to cats, but I love pussy. If you are looking to go viral with an internet celebrity with no strings attached I can be found behind the dumpster at St. James and 4th Avenue on Friday evenings. I don’t pay for meals or validate parking. I will split the cost of a condom should you require a prophylactic.

  • Earth

    When you can use anal beads with someone that’s true love.

  • Domo

    “Mike almost spits up soda.”

  • Earth

    I found VHS copies in a market for 50p each. Glorious day.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Didn’t that Jimmy Johns make a video on that?

  • Palpatine

    So they told people to share their thoughts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Rich’s Tinder, but not Disqus?! What the hell?!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    we know they hate us for quite some time now.

    #contempt is the new content

  • Ogrot

    There are thoughts on Disqus?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Fair enough.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Wizard Phoenix

    So what does The First Order want exactly? I know in two days, at 11 PM to exact, I’ll get my answers but what are they? What do they want?

  • Dionysus

    It was either Rich or Mike who argued that the prequels aren’t canon. I’d say the holiday special probably isn’t either!

  • Domo

    They’re trying to divert the spam bots to other places.

    They’re actually being quite thoughtful.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’m finally convinced Rich will do anything if Mike asks him enough times.

  • pete smith

    Great stuff. Wish we could just celebrate star wars instead of that jesus bs every december. (not going to see the movie)

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Dogs do get some gray hair around their snout. It’s not super noticeable, but it happens.

  • yellowface

    I think they’re being considerate for all of us and frankly, we should thank them. These guys know the Internet’s gonna explode in a few days as a result of the movie coming out, so they’re trying to mitigate the potential damage caused to this lovely community. It’s all for our sake, guys. It’s so we can discuss Star Wars Holiday Special in peace.

  • Earth

    Is this a good time to be a hipster, or a bad time?

  • Domo

    Was it ever a good time to be an Emo?

    Apply that answer to hipster, and there you go!

  • Earth

    So…

    “Good times and bad times but mostly bad”?

  • Domo

    Correct!

  • Earth

    Ha!

    “internet celebrity”

  • JonahFalcon

    Rich finally came. He must have been holding it back for months.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    It’s a fap!

  • Domo

    Are there places that I can go until the TFA movie comes out that I can avoid spoilers and clickbait articles?

    Does Pornhub contain spoilers? I’m asking for a friend!

  • MonkeyKing1969

    Well, it a mammal trait. Many mammals that live to advanced age tend to grey.

  • infernocanuck

    I never click on clickbait videos or articles, due to personal integrity.

    I will comment in the comments section though. One, because using a comment box doesn’t give them any ad revenue, and second, because I like to smugly brag at how awesome I am.

  • infernocanuck

    Just don’t search for “wookie” (Careful when you spell nookie) and you should be fine.

  • Dasjerm

    You know what the new Star wars movie is missing – a beastie boys song

  • RLMkeepitup

    just don’t read the comments there, but who does anyway.

  • Thanatos2k

    I’m going internet radio silent for a week.

  • Thanatos2k

    That was Jay?? Impossible.

  • bassbait

    twist ending – after all this hype, I fall asleep in the theater.

  • RLMkeepitup

    do you have enough canned food and water to hold out?

  • RLMkeepitup

    isn’t that what harrison did, he said it was a great movie though.

  • infernocanuck

    I’m thinking Mr. Harrison is wee bit biased.

  • bassbait

    *flips sidebang*

  • RLMkeepitup

    he risked his life to make the movie, he wouldn’t try his luck again by actually watching it

  • Cream-A-Thon

    But what does Max Landis think?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    RedLetterMedia? New Star Wars? I sense a disturbance in the force. A disturbance I have not felt since…

    http://i.imgur.com/usRMoua.jpg

  • bassbait

    do you think wearing it will help me get Leia’d?

  • RLMkeepitup

    side note but did they purposefully make palpatine look weird on that poster so you wouldn’t recognize him or somthin. it don’t even look like him.

  • bassbait

    Rich is the ultimate sex symbol. There is no competition.

  • bassbait

    Alright, I’m really excited to finally watch… Alien Versus Predator…

    with RLM’s commentary!

    After that I may get around to Starship Droopers. Starship Froot Loops? Jefferson Starship?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Now that you mention it, Palpatine’s face in that poster does look similar to the Plinkett cartoon. Was that the joke or did we just confirm the Illuminati?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Starship Super Troopers?

  • bassbait

    Starship Bloopers… starring Bob Saget.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    “Star Wars fans don’t need condoms.”
    Hahaha! I get it!
    It’s because they always pull out before a huge explosion ruins their lives!
    CLASSIC Star Wars reference, bearded homeless man!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Starship Blart: Rise of the Cobra Surfer

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    Now how bout we go bullseye some wopmprats in my T16?

  • bassbait

    *sigh* I have the wrong version. Can’t watch along. Whatever, I’ll just listen to it.

  • RLMkeepitup

    you should be able to sync it up here n there, think I had the same deal

  • bassbait

    yea I’m trying to jump ahead when I hear them mention something. I’ve seen this movie a few times so I might be able to find the scene.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Considering the epic porn ‘stache that Biggs had, this is probably an apt description.

  • Officer Meow Meow Fuzzyface

    Needs more Susan.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Do you mean 12 years until “Boyhood 2”?

  • Lt Hurwitz

    They certainly haven’t been spending it at Hollywood Tans.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    I can only hope to never know.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Luke dies. Han cries. I hate Star Wars.

  • Percy Gryce

    In the forthcoming special edition of this Clickbait Video, it’s really Len Kabasinski in the Darth Vader mask.

  • me no read comments I know one of you is a spoiler! I’m just going to pointlessly post this and say read you again Thursday after I see Cop Dog 2!

  • bassbait

    and instead of shouting “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” He shouts “YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!!”

  • Percy Gryce

    Yeah, Jay doesn’t wear glasses.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Officer Meow Meow Fuzzyface, you’re a loose cannon.
    Just like my penis whenever Jay is onscreen.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Hipsters will make up about 70% of the “fans” seeing the films, so yes.

  • MPJZ

    “The most embarrassing thing ever.” Man, that is really embarrassing…. I’ll take three.

  • Epifanes

    I’m so exited about this film. I’ll be super stoked when they air it on late night TV in a few years. If I have weed maybe I’ll watch it.

  • Gift Card

    So……Rich Evans is 38

  • bassbait

    Predator sled ride = perfection of Shlock.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I also enjoy his tribal markings and pride roars. only thing missing is chest pounds and ass slaps

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Wasn’t that a song? Oh yeah…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wwilCs4Jqg

  • bassbait

    I would love to see a homoerotic Preda-bro movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That was horrible.

    It’s all on me, though. I don’t know what I was thinking, expecting FOX to produce a decent Alien vs Predator movie. FOX’s idea of an Alien vs Predator movie was: “make it cheap”, “hire a hack director” “this thing will sell itself”. And they did it again for the sequel, except cheaper and hackier.

  • RLMkeepitup

    What about when Adrien Brody was shirtless in the mud for Predators? The predators were awfully reluctant to kill him…

  • bassbait

    nah. I want a predator movie with no humans in it. The Predators can play volleyball together, and make each other a thanksgiving dinner. There’ll be a HOT lovemaking scene. And of course, plenty of sled rides!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m going dark in 8 hours.

  • bassbait

    Cousin Preddy’s Christmas Vacation

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I would watch that.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    There is a whole load of disappointed starwars fans in Sydney. Freak flooding, wild storms and a fucking Tornado!. With the flooding and roads closed and cinemas damaged and flooded……
    Suck it Welshy’s!
    Just playn NSW Vic loves you.

  • bassbait

    ugh… starting tomorrow I guess, I gotta disappear for a while. Because I actually do care about going into the new Star Wars semi-blind. Plus I gotta prep myself for my road trip.

    Next up I’m watching Starship Mall Cop. Or whatever that movie is called.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I not using the internet after midnight tonight. I feel the movie deserves an unbiased first watch. 7 hour and 45. minutes.

  • Palpatine

    So I guess Space Cop isn’t being released this year?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It will be at exactly the same time they release Star Wars.

  • Palpatine

    Which one, Episode IX?

  • RLMkeepitup

    looks pretty serious, but aren’t you living safely out in the hills like Neil Breen?

  • bassbait

    My family is gonna take me to see it some time this upcoming weekend/next week. I’m gonna be refraining from any internet usage until then. It saddens me how many of my friends have not seen a *single* Star Wars film, and might make this their first one.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No I live at the beach these days… but i’m 800 km’s south of Sydney.

  • Cakefarts

    Rich is going to need to switch to sandpaper at this rate.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I just hope it a good one.

  • Kawaii as Fuck

    Rich fulfilled his destiny!

  • bassbait

    Denise Richards is very very pretty. But is she making a brain cum electricity? No? Point proven… whatever that point was supposed to be.

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    I’ll have to wait until it hits the drive-ins next summer, but regardless it’s good to see Millie getting work again, even if she won’t return my calls anymore. I keep telling her she’s a strong, independent starship who don’t need no pilot, but I can’t blame her, who could say no to Disney money?

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    Hey, what have you got against cars, pal? We need to eat, too, ya know.

  • ElectricPrism

    We can only hope they paid the homeless to steal all those items from Walmart. A truly noble cause.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Australia 7 hours
    Eastern Europa 15 hours
    America 2 days.

  • Thanks, I tossed my clocked up a ventilation shaft.

  • Who else inhaled that droid cum cloud?

  • I guess god is just trying to get all those crazy nerds back to hell.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Dirtiest. Comment. Ever.

  • Yay. Did I win a prize?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It’s a small statuette that is handed from winner to winner so, you’ll need to see omi for it.

  • bassbait

    It’s weird because like, Starship Troopers almost feels kinda like a parody of Full Metal Jacket. And Full Metal Jacket already feels kinda like a satire. And then Futurama did “War is the H Word” which felt like a parody of Starship Troopers. So it’s like a parody of a satire/parody of a satire.

  • bassbait

    I have a lot of dirty comments that I refrain from making because I don’t want to risk getting banned. But they just keep comin’

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.”

  • bassbait

    I think you read me wrong. I said Starship Troopers… not Star Trek: Beyond.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    That’s what she said!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’m just waiting for the first Star Trek Beyond Thunderdome joke to appear.
    (Two writers enter, one hack… leaves?)

  • Please keep this updated. I’ll be hitting F5 on your comment throughout the day, so don’t slack!

  • bassbait

    Someone made that joke a while back.

    Next is Star Trek: To Infinity, AND BEYOND!

  • bassbait

    I hate having bad facial recognition. During the battle scenes, I can’t tell who half of the people are anymore. Usually I can tell who someone is by their hairdo or their clothes, unless they’re played by a very famous and instantly recognizable actor (like Arny). Once everyone’s wearing the same suit it’s like did the main character just die? Or an extra? Or a character I know about? What’s even going on?

  • Is that code for getting a reacharound?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I made a Galaxy Quest 2: Beyond. joke does that count?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I would but it was my clock that Instant Relief threw up the manhole. But 5 hours and 52 minutes.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That was my CLOCK! you dick.

  • bassbait

    *puts finger in hole of corpse’s head* “they sucked his brains out”

    Yea duh… that was a real no-brainer.

  • bassbait

    you’ve been clock-blocked.

  • Oh, no! Who’s gonna countdown to overhyped movies now?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    The 3 story glass atrium at the Bondi Cinemas started collapsing and people in the atrium stood there filming it!
    saying things like “Oh BLEEP look at that.”
    Australians are a disturbing species…
    Look at the guy center top. he has no fucks to give.
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/12/16/06/2F69A8AD00000578-3361944-image-a-3_1450246755161.jpg

  • I’ll let you decide, but the answer’s no.

  • Dude, they probably thought they were at a 4D cinema.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    These guys mention Twister as the watch sheets of roofing iron fly past. AS THEY STOOD OUT SIDE WATCHING!!!!
    We got told about survival of the fittest and took it as if the world picking a fight.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX79oW38PMc

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    5hours and 30 minutes.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    awww… I’ll show myself out…

  • BCFC25

    Wow guys how did you manage to score a interview with the great JJ Bauman lol

  • If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me.
    https://youtu.be/OlKaVFqxERk

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Good news Bondi cinemas is bribing every city engineer they can find to save the star wars. They are going to announce the report in 21 minutes.

  • That was clearly a terrorist attack staged by the government!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Holy smokes!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Harrison Ford is in town… hope he didnt… drown.
    Too soon?

  • Fuck you, Freddy. I’m not gonna have a real good time, because I hate going to cinemas. The tickets are way too expensive in my opinion. Yet I wanna obviously see the movie. I’m gonna have it all spoiled.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I know we do stupid shit like that all the time and mostly no one gets hurt.

    Well no Australians…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7dm_nbjNjE

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m not seeing it tonight. I’m just really enjoying the annoying countdown.
    5 hours and 12 minutes.

  • It’s fine, if it takes nature’s intervention to prevent Indy 5.

  • HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
    Should auld acquaintance be forgot….

  • Rich is our destiny.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    HAHAHAHA! Sydney airport is closed. you’re stuck here now Mr Ford…

  • I’m sure Carrie Fisher will keep them all awake. *slide whistle*

  • Time is the fire in which we burn.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    “Time is a relative measurement of states of decay.”

  • You’re a teacher?

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I’m gonna check every video on there and let you know which are safe. Hmm, there is a dangerous amount of “Solo” related stuff onthere…

    Btw, speaking of spoilers, I just started reading Monstress over my morning tea and also just after few pages already know I am gonna have to buy at least digitally the second issue (noboy tell E.). The art by itself is worth it, but man, this is something else, thanks so much for this! As pretty much the only comicbook nerd around, I have to rely on myself for recommendations, and I would never have picked this one up. Incredible stuff.

    But back to Pornhub now.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    P art timE.

  • Fart time?

  • 100% RottenTomatoes score for TFA. *cough*

  • With all the bleeps, I thought for SURE I could post this to my Facebook page,or ‘like’, for all my family to see… then Rich started jerkin’ it again. LOL

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Shart time?

  • “Best installment since Empire.” Well, I’m not excited at all.

  • Hype is deadly.

  • Lay it on me!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Oh trust me. I almost never agree with Rotten Tomatoes. But 100 percent out of 57 reviews is…pretty good at least.

  • BCFC25

    The only review im gonna go by is from those 2 hack frauds called Mike and Susan!

  • Strelnikov

    Yay! We get to buy more plastic junk shaped like shit we saw in a movie.

  • Strelnikov

    Truly the lowest blow.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I make my own. its a great form of therapy.

  • Marvin Falz

    True. The stronger the hype, the less I care.

  • Marvin Falz

    Looks like Disney and all producers of Star Wars toys don’t give any shit about the environment.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Hype leads to disappointment, disappointment leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to a new plinkett review!
    3 hours 30 minutes.

  • Marvin Falz

    You know what, as much as I love the Plinkett reviews, at this point I don’t even care for a Plinkett on TFA.

  • I shall give you force diarrhea! *BZZZZZ*

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It is hard to care for something that is a toy ad the Plinkett review would be “Meh… Post this web zone if you want a pizza roll.”
    Sorry If that was the plan Mike.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Why are you waving a vibrator…. its not even a star wars one. its just black rubber covered in veins…
    Oh, MY!

  • Marvin Falz

    My main complaint is that I feel constantly manipulated to like the Star Wars product. I don’t know how strongly the Phantom Menace and the other prequel parts have been advertised – I remember like one trailer on German TV and that was it.

    I think RLM is able to separate the hype and the merch from the movie itself. Their clickbait video shows both sides. Also the 45 minute long prediction video shows that their intrigued by the movie and they will go see it.

  • Maybe those are the paid journalists that get to publish their reviews early. And we must never underestimate the power of fanboy glasses. People came out of The Phantom Menace saying they loved it. I was one of them.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Ah come on, you’re gonna make me see this in theaters, aren’t you, Everyone on the Planet?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    3 hours and 4 minutes.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Ominous.

  • The prodigal son returns! 💕

  • Omnipotent?

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Time for some incest action.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    “Omi-nums” the dick shaped cereal.

  • Star Wars is all about that shit. 😉

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Stop bring up the plot to the bible. God is his own father! WTF!!!

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I need to get back in it. And Star Wars too.

  • I’m gonna have the entire friggin’ movie spoiled before I even get a chance to see it.

  • I’d say it’s relatively safe to assume that it’s going to be better than ANY of the prequels by a country mile just based on the effort and care that went into it. That’s good enough for me, that’s all I wanted. I’m not going in with insane expectations. At the end of the day, the prequels were bad, lazy movies and this does not look bad or lazy. The reviews are praising it for returning to the overall “vibe” of the original movies without tedious exposition and characters/scenes we don’t care about. If we get back to a straightforward story focused on its main characters to lay a foundation for what’s to come, I’ll be happy.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I never care about spoilers, if I love a movie I watch it over and over. I don’t think anyone’s gonna spoil it here amongst respectful nerds, anyways.

  • I dunno. People like discussing stuff. Everything’s gonna leak.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Watching a leaked copy right now. It’s great, but has more flasbacks to Anakin as a toddler than I expected.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Looking at some sites, people are leaking all over already, maybe nothing will be left in ’em.

  • Me too. I’m just a little worried that they went ultra safe this time. You know. Plot-wise it’s gonna be just about the destruction of yet another ball-shaped super weapon. At least the prequels, as much as I dislike them, didn’t have that.

  • It’s gonna be great!

  • I’ll just have to extra careful from now on. 😉

  • LukasWormTheThird

    You got your tickets?

  • I saw that copy as well. My favourite part was when they were onboard of that flying aircraft carrier and Mace Windu wore that kickass black leather overcoat and then Han Solo got this fancy metal suit that let him fly around in the air and stuff. Best part of the saga so far!

  • No. This month I’m a little short on cash. Maybe I should launch a kickstarter “Let Insty see TFA!” ;P

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I think it was brave to introduce the N-word to the Star Wars universe. I mean, at least it was Han Solo who used it constantly..

  • You mean this one? It’s amazing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2i7i1FvZ2s

  • LukasWormTheThird

    “Short on cash” yeah, what a great idea putting this right before Christmas, right? I know it actually is, but damn you, Disney. I’m spending my last “eh, fuck it” money on a comicbook thanks to Domo.

  • “Huttese, motherfucker, do you speak it?”

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I am just wondering with all the merchandise and product licensing, there has got to be somewhere where I could get Buffalo X-Wings, right? Pad Tie?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    2 hours and 25 minutes till i stop netting.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And Natalie Portman’s Taco.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Glad to hear Mitch is dating again.

  • “Snort on cash”? Who are you? Carrie Fisher? *slide whistle sound effect*

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Maaaaaaaybe.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Anyone else sick of this Star Wars shit yet?

  • LukasWormTheThird

    They sell Star Wars themed feces?! Gimme!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Not yet. 2 hours and 24 minutes to go.

  • Wind Tunnel

    Luke better introduce himself like Kahn in Star Trek 2.0

  • Thanks, Assdrew Berrywhore! 😡

  • So, I heard you like skiing? WITH YOUR NOSE?

  • Ooooh, is there an Amidala fleshlight?

  • I think ultra safe is actually fine for what they’re doing when you consider the circumstances. The sequel is the one that’s going to make or break the whole new franchise, and for this one to be a soft reboot/continuation it’s not a terrible idea as long as it’s unique enough. There’s a reason the superweapon formula worked a lot better than a long, pointless war of pawns that carried no emotional value. I’m actually a little relieved they didn’t try too hard to force something crazy new in the first movie because Phantom Menace sure did and well…we know how that turned out. If the same framework is there, fine, but the important thing is that they show they’re still going to do their own thing going forward. In other words, I’m fine with this movie being similar to New Hope, but that’s because I think the sequel is going to be less similar side-by-side to Empire. They’re most likely going to start with familiarity to sort of “announce” their return to the franchise, then move in another direction. Or even convey the same moral of the original trilogy in a different way.

  • tOmy`

    Only 12 hours and 12 minutes!

    It’s like poetry, it’s relative.

  • This joke again?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Good, goood… you want this dont you? Take your countdown and together we shall annoy the internet!
    2 hours and 3 minutes

  • tOmy`

    I am not nearly excited enough to do math more than once a day.

  • James Earl Jones

    It comes in a package saying Jabba the Hutt.

  • Oh… am I repeating myself? How about a Shmi fleshlight then?

  • Joe Syxpac

    What happens in 2 hours and 1 minute?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Neither am I. but being an annoying bastard…?
    2 hours.

  • Space Cop will be available on The Pirate Bay.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Fuck, yeah!

    Now that’s something to be excited about!

    It’s gonna be great!

  • James Earl Jones

    How about a Gardulla the Hutt fleshlight?

  • Just fill a bath tub with raw meat and have at it.

  • What the fuck? Now movie companies started introducing review embargoes? What is the world coming to? http://www.techinsider.io/star-wars-the-force-awakens-reviews-2015-12

  • Joe Syxpac

    They sell a Play-Doh set that you can stamp Star Wars with feces.

    Also make feces hair grow on Boba Fett.

  • tOmy`

    5 billion dollars in play, bruva.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    If I could be bothered(I.E Sober) I could drive to the local cinema and still see the star wars in 1 hour and 56 minutes.

  • Joe Syxpac
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    EWWW and exactly.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Well, sometimes they just wouldn’t show the movie to reviewers at all, right? But that’s mainly with shitty movies…

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its an older war crime… I was just about to give them clearance.

  • I know. I’ve done it.

  • Call a taxi?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    E Chuta!

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Eat Shit-A

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It would cost 100 EU bucks or more to taxi there and back.

  • bassbait

    Waking up at 3 AM with an ear infection? Cool.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    welcome to the hell of 1 hour and 49 minutes till starwars.

  • tOmy`

    Here, you can kill 7 minutes of listening to deadmau5 and his “explanation on the twitter feud with Skrillex”

    It’s pretty funneh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tc3_wbfsnY8

  • Joe Syxpac

    Too much ear sex.

  • bassbait

    thanks Charlie Sheen!

  • Joe Syxpac

    They won’t take Republic Credits?

  • Joe Syxpac

    He gave you HIV?

    Hearing Infected Vertigo?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I tried the Jedi mind trick and the driver stabbed me three times and drove off.

  • Joe Syxpac

    That one is fulla sand.

    I don’t like sand.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Yeah, I’d make a joke, but that just gave me the worst empathy pain.

  • bassbait

    “You sound like your nose is stuck up your stupid american asshole.” – the latest review of one of my youtube videos.

    I rate this review 1 star. He told me to stick my nose up my 1 star so it’s only even.

  • It’s only for advanced Force Choke™ users.

  • Joe Syxpac

    At least you don’t have your whole head up there.

  • bassbait

    just the part that nose better.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    That could make some cool-ass echo effects.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Ba dum tss

  • bassbait

    my ass is known to be very cavernass.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Quoting Lincoln this early in the morning?

  • bassbait

    I read his logs every once in a while.

  • bassbait

    I do not understand Netflix at all.

    http://puu.sh/lXzPq.jpg

  • tOmy`

    Oh, crap, with all the Star Wars stuff, I almost forgot:

    Fargo? Fargo.

    Full fucking 10 out of 10. The fact that Golden Era of TV shows yet again set the bar higher than ever before is slowly starting to question the validity of “The Wire is the best” statement. Saying that Fargo nailed everything and anything is not an exaggeration, it is a perfect description of a TV show that packed 10 hours with tension, comedy, style, art, political commentary, social commentary, violence and an idea that would be written off as “impossible to pull off” in any other show.

    HBO better penis up, because this might be one of the few years I remember when they got left behind by other 3 tv companies.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Most of the cinemas damaged in Sydney cannot reopen tonight. Apparently the force awakened on Sydney today.

  • bassbait

    this proves that God doesn’t approve of Star Wars. Because it promotes… idk, “the gays” or something.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Sydney is the 2nd gayest place on earth.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMCUelEEFfM

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Damn straight! uh I mean… Ah jeez okay then.

  • bassbait

    I would assume behind San Fransisco. Though you should see Seattle. I used to live there! Those were very gay times.

    This just proves my point. Some pastor will say that it has to do with gay people. They do that shit all the time in America, even when it’s a storm that devastates an area that is notoriously anti-gay.

  • tOmy`

    What a finale, man!

    From the silverware thief scene (ha, people said that it is like something out of Justified), to Peggy’s women emancipation talk, to the language explanation… holy shit.

    The very moment the credits started rolling, you could hear FX dropping a mic from a goddamn Empire State Building.

  • tOmy`

    Brighton? Brighton.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    To me that proves God is a chick. Can’t drive a storm, pfft.

  • bassbait

    “So God is a lady? I know because I got her sopping wet, and then I gave God’s junk her just desserts”

    -Xavier: Renegade Angel.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    God killing people you hate is divine judgment, god killing people your love is part of HIS divine plan. and its always HIS.
    As I often tell religious people if you want me to have multiple wives and slaves and stone every gay i see to death, I’ll join satan right now.

  • bassbait

    no but really they love gay people, they told me themselves, between trying to pass laws that kill us.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Don’t forget about how Mike Milligan’s arc ended. Hysterical.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Kings Cross. I got off the bus and a transvestite asked me if I wanted to fuck or heroine?
    and the question was not that polite.

  • Joe Syxpac

    You had me at the “multiple wives and slaves” part.

    Lost me at the stoning. I don’t approve of the use of drugs.

  • Joe Syxpac

    We love you. And we’d really love you if you’d just jump into this here wood chipper.

  • bassbait

    I stopped listening after “we love you”. See, I like to cherrypick which parts feel good to me and ignore the rest.

  • tOmy`

    Very much reminiscent of The Shield. But it wasn’t that hysterical in it.

    Also I think (?) it was the only “comedy” piece in this episode? Rest was rather low-key nostalgia / melancholy / heart-break. Lou’s memory of leaving Saigon was another highlight.

    Man, do these people know how to act. My most favorite moment still might be Offerman’s attorney, but yea. The show is one big highlight reel.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Sounds like a decent way to get through life.

    Coulda saved me a lot of trouble with my parents, who tended to start conversations with “We love you, but…”

    Might have been able to go through life thinking my parents loved my butt.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I… this is a long story.
    I took way to many drugs and decided to go for a walk in Melbourne while my friends were in a club. I ended up at the docks gasping for water…
    DoodDoofDooof….
    OMG A RAVE! I followed the sound and found a gay leather fetish rave on dock 9.
    I asked for a ticket from the hetero company security guards to let me in to buy a water but they refused, because it was full. despite the 100+ leather clad men and women standing around on their way home at 4am.
    The leather clad gay people gave me all the water I wanted.
    Two Straight Guards would have let me die.

  • bassbait

    now you’re onto something. Or on something. By which I mean your butt.

    I have friends who didn’t bother listening past the positive parts of parenting. They turned into surprisingly decent people. But terribly whiny towards their parents.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Patrick Wilson is underrated. and Dunst really knocked it out of the park. The way Peggy reacted once she finally realized Ed got [redacted] almost made me cry.

  • bassbait

    I need to find something like that in Vegas. It’d be very easy to buy leather gear, I drive by stores that sell that shit all the time.

  • tOmy`

    Dunst was a MASSIVE surprise for me, never was a big fan, but holy smokes, in a show packed with such great performances, she still outshined most of them. Incredible acting.

    You could almost say that Dunst finally fully actualized.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Is that what you guys call it now? Water?

    Interesting.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    45 minutes…. see you on the other side. xoxo.

  • bassbait

    The gay agenda has spread into the world’s water supply. They’re controlling the weather!!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I always liked her. Her performance in Melancholia was phenomenal.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Does that mean God is gay?

  • tOmy`

    BTW: So AV Club released the second part of their Best TV Shows list for this year, so if you are interested, here is a small sum up (the first 5 places and then shows we talked about here within the first 20 spots):

    1. Mad Men
    2. The Americans
    3. Fargo
    4. Better Call Saul
    5. You’re The Worst

    8. Transparent
    12. Mr. Robot
    15. Rick and Morty
    19. Jessica Jones
    20. Justified (beating GoT like a pr0)

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    both.

  • Joe Syxpac

    God is a trannie?

    Actually that makes more sense.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    12. ? Fuck yourself, AV.

  • Joe Syxpac

    The only one I’ve seen is Rick and Morty.

  • bassbait

    people keep telling me to watch it but they can’t trick me into actually doing it.

  • Joe Syxpac

    It’s not as good as Venture Brothers.

  • bassbait

    nothing on Adult Swim will beat 12 Oz Mouse or Xavier: Renegade Angel.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    watch fargo and then talk fuckboi

  • dollar store cashier wife

    where’s BOJACK MOTHERFUCKING HORSEMAN

  • tOmy`

    I would rate it much higher as well, but for what is worth: It was just a goddamn first season and “setting the plot”.

    There is a reason why Mad Men won.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Yeah, we kinda part ways here.

  • bassbait

    good. I like it better when I’m the only person on the planet who likes those two shows.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Because it’s overdue?

  • Joe Syxpac

    I can only handle so much randomness for the sake of randomness. ATHF season one was about all I could do.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • bassbait

    I would not call either show “randomness for the sake of randomness” but ok.

  • bassbait

    has it started?

  • tOmy`

    That as well, but obviously “nailing 6 seasons” and going off on a high note is, understandably, better than most of these tv shows achieved / will achieve.

    I strongly suspect that is the reason why Justified is in – everything points out to the fact that it just nailed everything (but it needed 5 seasons to set up everything).

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    not yet. Remind me one day to tell you about the cold war…. “It Sucked.” Oh that was it… nevermind.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Ok. Explain the plots.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of phenomenal:

    Kitchen brother’s “ehm ehm” followed by “uhm uhm” should be an Emmy reel.

  • Stop double dipping with your posts, you fraud. Triple down voted.

  • bassbait

    The plot to 12 Oz Mouse isn’t even “done” yet but the basic plot is Fitz gets hired by Shark to perform various tasks, but he’s essentially a taxi driver for Shark. It’s then revealed that there’s a conspiracy against Fitz that runs deep to the point where *spoiler* it turns out that Fitz is inside of a simulation that appears to be designed to extract information out of him. The show ended before it could explain any more, but part of the point of the randomness is that it’s a parody of Mystery tv shows especially Twin Peaks, which would keep introducing elements without resolving. So it’s only fitting that the show would also introduce new elements consistently without resolving any of them. Ever seen Lost? 12 Oz Mouse is making fun of the absurdity of shows like that.

    The plot to Xavier: Renegade Angel is that Xavier considers himself to be a wise and helpful guardian angel who wanders into various towns hoping to help the people in need, but he inadvertently causes more suffering, often leading to the deaths of hundreds if not thousands, while thinking of everything he does as a true act of heroism and good-will. The show is a satire of spirituality and philosophy in general, with a more specific target of new age shit, but the show is more broad than that. The entire point of the show is that it’s satirically portraying religious nuts who think that they’re “helping people” by doing things that only make things worse. They fuel their own narcissism by trying to “help” people who don’t need their help, and whose lives will only be made worse by their intervention. The show also makes fun of philosophical concepts, especially in the pilot episode where they make a point of saying, from the very beginning, that the search for meaning in life is a disaster that gets people caught in loops.

  • bassbait

    I’ve heard about the cold war. That’s grampa’s war. We fight cool wars now, like the “Star Wars Vs Star Trek” war.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I remember doing Duck and Cover drills.

  • tOmy`

    Or “elementary schools vs. drones”.

  • Haven’t we all given head before?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I gave the Omi homies more text. fuck you! I learnt inter webbing from Mike and Susan.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I donno.

    Would I recognize the top of your head?

  • tOmy`

    Nowhere within the first 40. But what could make you happy is that Four Tet is the second best DJ of the year (Mixmag).

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I was 6 seconds from the blast zone. i used to wake up and check that the power was still on. and if there was thunder i usual turned the radio on to make sure the city was still there.

  • bassbait

    Yea. The trekkies can be ruthless.

  • Probably not, it was too dark.

  • Excuse me, didn’t know you were such a social media deity. I’m gonna like you on your Twitter and retweet your Facebook until I’m ready to spread my circles all over your MySpace.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Hmm… no, I like doing it with the light on.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I fucked it up IRL and blew both my eardrums…. mouth open and cover the ears, its hard to remember when someone says
    “take cover!”
    “wait what?”
    Boom *warmaramaaaarammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
    “What?”

  • Joe Syxpac

    I fucked up and thought it was a fire drill. Ran outside and was vaporized instantly.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I wish. Tinnitus sux.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Who’s first? Skillrex? David Guetta? Tiesto?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    They wont let me on MyFace.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    2 Minute warning. Duck and cover because Nuclear level spoilers. I have no words for the horror… the horror.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIrvSJwwJUE

  • Like Icare

    You should have asked if he offers gift certificates.

    “Fuck a transvestite or inject heroin” gift certificates would be great gifts for ANY gift season!

  • Anonymous Coward

    Even if the rest of the video was garbage, that ending alone makes this possibly the greatest thing you hack-frauds have ever created

  • What are we waiting for then? Let’s soil this damn webzone!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    BUY HUMANS! BUY!

  • Yes! This!

  • Earth

    Should probably avoid the internet for a while.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Done that.
    zero hour is here!
    Mawhahahahaha!

  • Happy Ass Wallet Rape everybody!

  • The end is here!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its Rich’s arse we are just living in it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    TFA is happening right now… and we cant stop it…. meh.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yep in 2 ish hours Australian nerds are going to spoil everything.

  • Like Icare

    For every spoiler they don’t reveal, I’ll reveal five… though by then internets would beat me to it already.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Only if they can make it home past all those sexy, sexy, wallabies.

  • Oh, that’s what a deep fryer is?

  • Feels great to have no influence on the world, right? 😉
    *goes into a corner and cries*

  • Like Icare

    From what I heard from the lady that sells cheese at the local market…
    He doesn’t do jack shit, says nothing and is in the movie for about half a minute all together.

  • Like Icare

    Yes.

  • bassbait

    Could you imagine if Star Wars took a sudden turn and made an art film? Like a film about an X-wing pilot who gets shot and has to crash land on a jungle planet and then has to live in the jungle for days on end, trying to survive.

    And to make it even better it could be a woman. And she’ll be the only character in the movie and it won’t be an already established character. The entire movie takes place on one planet, with one character and many creatures.

  • bassbait

    Alright, spoilers are coming any time now, so I’d better jet.

    See you after I see the movie!

  • After Earth?

  • Joe Syxpac

    C’mon spoilers! Give me them juicy spoilers!

    I’m not even gonna see it till it shows up on cable anyway.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Enemy Mine?

  • Earth

    That sounds interesting, so it ain’t gonna happen.

    At some point in this hypothetical movie could the woman go into a hallucinogenic state that ends with the face of Mickey Mouse laughing at her?

  • Like Icare
  • Joe Syxpac

    Sure, but watch this first so you know what you’re getting into.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmqNiFJyI28

  • Iggy Autry

    I thought Rich Evans in a Darth Vader helmet with a toy robot as a codpiece to stroke was the most embarrassing outfit ever invented…?

  • Iggy Autry

    How come RLM never covers the stuff everybody is really interested in…?

    In all this pre-SW stuff they’ve done, I’ve yet to hear them speculate about who the Gender Neutral character is going to be — or– the positive role model for Gender Transformation — or — Ambiguous Sexuality…?

    All we get is Rich and Mike showing their age —-

    —– All they talk about is how the Hispanic and Black and Female demographic is covered…. that’s SOOOOOOoooooooooo yesterday….

  • Like Icare

    It CAN be stopped. We only need to burn one theater full of people per country to stop it. If it burns we can kill it.

  • Like Icare

    “…do you Spock it?”

    Yes. I went there.

  • Like Icare

    There hasn’t been anything left in ’em since the early ’80s.

  • Like Icare

    Plinkett. 10 years from now.

    Shaka. When the walls fell.
    Shakma. When the doors closed.
    https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/800/1*LeHmOBWYDnMhx99Df9e7rA.gif

  • Oh, I didn’t know you where mentally ill. Hope you find a cure. Good luck.

  • Like Icare

    We all need to give it bad reviews, to restore the balance to the Force.

  • HaHa

    1.TFA are dysfunctional in a way that may awaken the plinkett.

    2. ***** is the biggest asshole in the galaxy.

    3. JJ is JAR-JAR (but he doesn’t know it)

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Tom, have you read the “review” of TFA by our “prestigous” critic M. Spacilova? It’s so funny!

  • bleurgh

    Have YOU felt it?

    Perfect line delivery from Rich Evans.

  • You guys ready to glib your facsimiles?

  • JJ Abrams wears a red ball cap with the words, “Making Star Wars Great Again”.
    https://youtu.be/KU_Jdts5rL0?t=20

  • tOmy`

    I shall do so after the premier.

    I remember her glorious Kill Bill review. That was the bomb.

  • Palpatine

    Well, I finally got tickets to see The Force Awakens this Friday at 2:00 P.M.! What should I do until then to avoid spoilers?

  • tOmy`

    Nah, Mixmag is keeping it “undrgrnd”.

    First one is Tale Of Us. The only two names I recognize on that list are Black Coffee and Hannah Wants

  • LukasWormTheThird

    No spoilers, it’s said to be “first impressions”, but yeah, I get the no spoilers even if no spoilers thing. But do read it, just the subtitle is wort it.

  • tOmy`

    Read a book.

  • tOmy`

    I have high hopes for Rogue One. Sure, it won’t be an art movie, but I am curious if they can really pull off the “war movie” thing without it looking cheap.

  • tOmy`

    Okay, I thought it won’t be that problematic to avoid the circle jerk, but seeing that my FB thread is already crawling with reviews, I shall bail too for couple of hours.

    Maybe I get to finish some more levels in the glorious, oh so glorious LEGO Marvel Superheroes. God, that game is fun.

    See you, nerds!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    meditate

  • LukasWormTheThird

    That’s a gigantic misspelling, bud.

  • Palpatine

    Is that a better thing to do than seeing the movie?

  • Palpatine

    I need to bail for at least 48 hours.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    according to those stupid monks called Jedi’s yes it is

  • Big McLargehuge

    Who actually fucking cares about getting spoiled? It’ll be a typical JJA empty nostalia clip show to provoke you to buy merchandise, it’s like complaining about spoilers for an Old Spice ad by this point. “OMG THE BLACK GUY DOES A GOOFY THING AND IT’S LE TOTALLY LE EPIC AND LE RANDOM LE XDDDDDDDD”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t know what you’re talking about 乁(ò□ó)ㄏ

  • Palpatine

    But I’m a fat stupid manchild who likes spaceships, so this movie can’t be bad!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Kylo Ren is actually “dun dun dun” KHAN

    ♬Why; our backs are now against the wall
    Listen all of y’all it’s a sabotage
    Listen all of y’all it’s a sabotage
    Listen all of y’all it’s a sabotage
    Listen all of y’all it’s a sabotage♬

    ARGHHHHHHHHH

  • Hank_Henshaw

    What spoilers could there be? I mean, everyone has seen the original Star Wars, right? Even I have. It’s not like the movie is a psychological thriller where we find out Kevin Spacey was the bad guy all along.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Getting kicked in the nuts is better than the PT.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Well, if there was a movie where Kevin Spacey turns out not to be the bad guy and someone told me, I’d be pretty pissed.

  • HaHa

    The truth has been spoken

  • Palpatine

    Look, I’ll be honest, I’m not expecting The Force Awakens to be an epic, intelligent and thought provoking film, I’m just expecting a good, fun space adventure film. That’s all.

  • HaHa

    TFA=JW

  • Palpatine

    What?

  • Francis Tommaso

    God damn, does Jay look like a serial rapist from Law & Order in this, or what?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think he meant that The Force Awakens is on par with Jurrasic World. Which in your case might not be seen as a negative comment.

  • Palpatine

    No, it’s not.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    It’s gonna be the best movie ever for about a month, then OK. I think I’ll catch it in cinema after all.

  • HaHa

    yea, the movie is fun at times but also very stupid. A big fun space adventure with too many callbacks.

  • Palpatine

    Well of course there’s callbacks. Because poetry.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    a month? get a grip on reality man. people try to peg the prequels as misunderstood works of genius 17 fucking years later-TFA hype train is here to stay

    $$ CHOO CHOO $$

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Speaking of which, I remember people in the interweb asking for “no spoilers” for JW. Like, what? It was pretty easy to guess everything that was going to happen in that movie (supposedly trained raptors going rogue, T-Rex showdown with the new dino, park goes to shit, Chris Pratt getting the girl in the end, the kids were going to be all right). This said as someone that enjoyed JW.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Man, I hate public hype tranportation.

  • Palpatine

    The only thing in that movie I didn’t except to happen was me falling in love with Bryce Dallas Howard.

  • HaHa

    it rymeeeessss.

  • Palpatine

    But does the poetry actually work this time?

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Bojack is probably a character that I can relate to like no other, and he literally makes me want to become a better person just so I don’t end up like him. I think it’s an incredibly illuminating show.
    I’m glad that ‘South Park’ made the cut, but of COURSE they had to do it with the caveat of “durrr, they make fun of both sides, false equivalency, blah, blah, blah.”
    The AV Club seriously pisses me off sometimes.

  • bleurgh

    Behind Imperial Lines? Rescue Dawn on Endor?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Hopefully.

  • Palpatine

    Our opinions of The Force Awakens don’t matter. The only opinion on it that does matter is that of our Lord and Savior Rich Evans.

  • Earth

    Ahahahahahahaha

    reading is so 19th Century.

  • HaHa

    Rich and Jay will not like it.
    Mike will love it, just like JW

  • Palpatine

    What won’t they like about it?

  • HaHa

    Rich reason is “spoiler” and Jay will hate how hollow it is.

    Mike reaction will be like his stand on JW. It a big, dumb and fun movie.

  • Palpatine

    I also liked Jurassic World and thought it was a big, dumb and fun movie.

  • HaHa

    JW was like a comedy in my opinion and it the same here.

    The jokes and fun parts works but the more serious moment felt hollow and somtimes stupid.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah I felt the same way.

  • Welcome to hyper space. Mmm. That sounded funnier in my head. I shall snort some more cocaine off the hooker’s tit sitting to on my lap and try again.

  • Truer words have been spoken, but truer words have never been spoken.

  • Luke dies.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Death isn’t much of anything in the end. We make such a big deal out of it. But up close, it’s like nothing. A body without life, nothing more. People are like animals. You love them, you bury them and then it’s over.

  • HaHa

    for me 40 % works, 50% doesn’t and 10 % is stupid.

    The callbaks is most often spoken words ( not actions)and they don’t make the smart ones (in my opinion) .

  • Palpatine

    I’ll believe it when I see it. In fact, I’ll believe all spoilers to be false until I see the movie.

  • Are you murdering your dog or something?

  • I haven’t even seen the movie. 😉

  • Palpatine

    Oh.

  • Was just trying to stir up some controversy. 😉

  • dollar store cashier wife

    You jerk off to Irreversible every tuesday and you can’t recognize a Noe movie reference? Fo shame.

  • Palpatine

    That reminds of Yoda’s “wise advice” to Anakin about death in Revenge of the Sith.

  • HaHa

    Lucky Luke has a talking horse by the way……

    Jolly Jumper is his name.

  • Dude, I watch that shit muted.

  • Palpatine

    Don’t worry, I’ll spoil the whole film after I get home from seeing it Friday afternoon! Muwhahahahahaha!!!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Say what? But this is the horniest music ever made!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lMArVYkqZ8

  • It’s your god damn duty as a RLM comment zone dweller.

  • I don’t know. Anal sex noises are usually a tad more fun to listen.

  • Palpatine

    So speaking of Star Wars, today’s the sixth anniversary of the Plinkett review of The Phantom Menace!

  • Thank you, Mr. Plinkett, for showing us the light amidst all the serial killing.

  • HaHa

    Speaking of Star Wars. How many of you know about Valérian and Laureline?
    The french comic that Lucas stole a lot form when he made star wars?

    http://www.popularmechanics.com/culture/movies/a15532/heres-what-star-wars-took-from-valerian/

    http://behindthepanels.net/luc-besson-to-adapt-valerian-and-laureline/

  • LukasWormTheThird

    of autoerotic asphyxiation

  • fred

    Luke was the black smoke monster all along, and the island explodes.

  • Are you typing with one hand again, you wanker?

  • Of course! J.J.’s genius knows no bounds.

  • Palpatine

    Wow, even back then Lucas was a fraud.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    My toes actually. I like being thorough.

  • HaHa

    The first part of jedi is lifted almost straight from the comic

  • Teach me your ways, master.

  • Percy Gryce
  • Percy Gryce

    Did Rich Evans come straight to RLM HQ for this from his day job as an insurance adjuster?

  • Percy Gryce

    I discovered RLM two days later via this blog post:

    http://althouse.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-never-even-saw-star-wars-episode-i.html

    And I’ve been living here ever since.

  • Heil Jorgé!

  • If true: called it. Pretty much anybody did.

  • Rectum? Has he found the brown note?

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    Can Porkins watch?

  • Palpatine

    Stupid politically correct bitch.

  • else
    {
    printf(“fuck it”);
    }

  • pete smith

    Someone got to die. Isn’t that the case in every disney production/animation for tear jerking purposes. Probably someone elderly/non important.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    Get a sample from her stool! If it’s too dark consult your interior decorator.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    wow the GOBOs are really moraying on Rich’s tie!

  • Palpatine

    It’s true. All of it.

  • Thomas Mikkelsen

    Floor to ceiling Beastie Boys, maybe get the Fast&Furios guy to make it more fasterer and moar furiosor

  • Palpatine

    Han dies, Chewie learns to speak English, C-3PO and R2-D2 adopt BB-8, Poe Dameron and Finn decide to become a gay couple, Supreme Leader Snoke is revealed to be Jar Jar Binks, who was secretly a Sith Lord the whole time, and Kylo Ren and Rey are revealed to be Luke and Leia’s incest kids.

  • Marvin Falz

    I don’t remember anyone dying in The Muppets.

  • HaHa

    Rich Evans are right about where they find the lightsaber. The holy text was right, he can see it to the future!!!

  • Palpatine

    Where did he say they found it at?

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh maaaaan! I was wildly dancing around the fire in sacred garb singing “At last we have revealed ourselves. At last we have revenge.” Now it was all for nothing.

    *pout*

  • Quotidian, Man

    I’ve always wondered what these guys do for day jobs.

  • Percy Gryce

    When’s the next Plinkett review of the new Star Trek movie trailer?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRVD32rnzOw

  • Like Icare

    What a missed opportunity to ask the droid that…

  • Palpatine

    That trailer was so bad it made less interested in Star Trek.

  • Quotidian, Man

    No, no. The Smoke Monster is now The Dark One Rumplestiltskin, Jacob is now Merlin, and the island is now the Enchanted Forest.

  • Palpatine

    RLM is their day job.

  • HaHa

    at the 2:50 mark in the clickbait video.

  • Like Icare

    That ain’t an art movie.
    That’s a classic adventure. Like Robinson Crusoe.

    Luke in a cave on Dagobah, facing his fears of being to weak to resist the seduction of the Dark Side and becoming the personification of evil… and then that evil turns out to be his father… NOW THAT’S AN ART MOOPIE!

  • Marvin Falz

    Look, I don’t care about the story, I just wanna see the Falcon fly and shoot lasers.

  • fred

    blah blah joke about my colon etc. etc.

  • Didn’t know you were a Tshi Lord.

  • Palpatine

    So they just find it on the ground? Okay then.

  • Like Icare

    When the man who sees himself as a personification of Jar Jar Binks finds something to be pathetic…

  • Like Icare

    Hold on there… It’s not yet Fuck You It’s January!

  • Marvin Falz

    (well … part time)

  • Like Icare

    It was just lying there. Right next to the script.

  • HaHa

    closet

  • HaHa

    The fast and the dumb in space.

  • Palpatine

    So after the trailer for Star Trek Beyond Thunderdome totally turned me off of the franchise, is there anything you Trek fans on here recommend I watch in order for me to get interested in the franchise?

  • Like Icare

    That makes no sense at all…

  • Like Icare

    Watch the Original Series and try to figure out which current social issue at the time was being discussed in which episode?

  • Star Trek 2 and 6. And TNG! 😉

  • bassbait

    I’m not gonna be around until I see the new War of Stars film. Until then, enjoy this! –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqpMr8Nwhi4

  • Percy Gryce

    Yes, the Youtube commentariat’s reaction is pretty negative. One wag put it this way:

    2 Star 2 Trek

  • Percy Gryce

    Tru dat.

  • Maybe Vin Diesel will play Picard in the next movie.

  • Like Icare

    Embrace the spoilers.
    It is too late for you anyway. Plinkett has infested you with a sense of story logic.
    You already know deep inside you which way the story must go for it not to suck.
    Thus nothing can be spoiled if it serves the story and if it sucks it will suck spoiled or not.

    Which is why The Usual Suspects, Memento, Seven, Fight Club or The Empire Strikes Back are all still good movies… and why most of M. Night Schmnmnmn’s movies suck.

  • Safe travels. Han dies.

  • HaHa

    The saber “calls” for one of them and it is in a “mystery box” in a closet. (Big walk-in closet)

  • Like Icare

    Shouldn’t it be STAR TR3K?

    Or
    S]I[AR*’
    .*IIIREK

    With a stylized Roman numeral representing number 3 and the letter T?

    Or *-3K?

  • HaHa

    He got the hair for it but not the body.

  • Palpatine

    Star Tr3k sounds so much awesomer.

  • Like Icare
  • Christopher Walken needs to be an Imperial officer in one of the new Star Wars movies. Petition now!

  • Domo

    Jay Bauman’s beard dies. Andy Serkis told me.

  • Did he motion capture the death scene?

  • Marvin Falz

    Enjoy yourself, bass.

  • Like Icare
  • Is that from a holodeck episode?

  • Marvin Falz

    You could watch clips from all three seasons and see if you like them.
    https://www.youtube.com/show/startrek/playlists

  • Like Icare

    It’s from his bathroom.

  • Like Icare

    So… Saber finally makes it out of the closet and proclaims to the world that it is actually a blaster trapped in the body of a saber?

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I sadly heard that every single member of the old cast talks at some point.

  • Was Ian McKellen coming for dinner?

  • Like Icare

    He usually comes after dinner.

  • Marvin Falz

    And then they all move in together and they have good times and they have bad times but mostly bad times.

  • HaHa

    yea and after the sex change it’s name is not Saber anymore it is Susan!! Susan Lightbeard

  • Hank_Henshaw

    How embarrassing.

  • Amontillado

    Star Wars? More like, Star Mores!

  • Amontillado

    Are they the issue?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Rey being a Jedi was part of the Rambaldi Prophecies.

  • Amontillado

    Wasn’t Plinkett every Commentariot’s gateway drug? I started following shortly after the Phantom Menace review, but only started commenting this past year. I still remember that first Half in the Bag show like it was yesterday and thinking to myself, “Who the hell is that Jay fellow and why is he distracting Mike from making Plinkett videos?” Thank god they didn’t follow the whiney, snot-nosed naggy voice and instead followed their booze filled hearts.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They will all like it to different degrees. One of them will say it was “alright”, the other will say it was “good” and the other one will say it was “pretty damn good”. Some minor objections concerning some minor details, but that’s about it. It’ll be the boringest HitB ever.

  • Amontillado

    You do realize that Rich is not that same Rich, right? He’s been…different.

  • Like Icare

    Not something more… Greek?
    http://i.imgur.com/OGRSYCT.jpg

  • Friends will be friends! https://youtu.be/gWPJW-BFYMc?t=30s

  • Like Icare

    With a Red Matter inside a Mystery Box…

  • Even Chewbacca?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    She also can’t cut her hair short, or the next movie will flop.

  • Like Icare
  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CAN’T STAND IT!
    I KNOW YOU PLANNED IT!
    I’MMA SET IT STRAIGHT
    THIS WATERGATE!”
    –Robert Orci on the government’s involvement in 9/11.

  • Bubble Lipped Tar Baby

    People have compared JJ Abrams to a fancier Michael Bay or Paul WS Anderson, would that be an adequate description or not?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I wouldn’t go that far. I’m no fan of JJ, but I think there’s a huge gulf separating something like Super 8 (which I didn’t like, btw) from Transformers.

  • HaHa

    clap clap clap

  • HaHa

    JJ trys but can’t
    Bay doesn’t try

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Not to be melodramatic, but I really think that movies are letting children down.
    You want movies to define your generation? You want original stories to grow up with? Well, TOUGH SHIT, because we’re still on our nostalgia kick!
    It’s a good thing that kids have pretty good cartoons nowadays, otherwise I would think that they’re being fucked over more than they already are.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    JJ does fan service, but he seems to come from a genuine place. Michael Bay was never a fan of Ninja Turtles, Transformers or any of the horror movies his Platinum Dunes company has remade.

  • Marvin Falz

    Imagine being baited for months with trailers, “leaks”, news, rumours and on top of that pushed yourself by talking endlessly about the new fucking Star Wars. Then finally you sit euphorically in a packed cinema and they show you the first MIckey Mouse in Steamboat Willie from 1928. 7 minutes later the cartoon is finished, the lights go on and you’re all sent home.

  • Like Icare

    True dat… Nobody expects gonorrhea these days…

  • Like Icare

    Yeah… I know… Terrorists today just have no imagination whatsoever.

  • Marvin Falz

    It’s a psychological torture. Hell, it’s a new form of entertainment.

  • HaHa

    Agree, but that is also way JJ never will make anything fantasic. He can’t stop being a fanboy.
    GRRM, on of the more creative writers (the game of thrones guy) once told a fan that the most stupid thing you can do if you whant to be a creative person is to make fan art or storys in a world that is already created.

    You box youself in.

  • Like Icare

    Actually… They BOTH do fan service.

    Only Bay actually knows that it is all about tits, ass and explosions – and he delivers it to the fans.

    Jar Jar lacks such insight. He thinks that “story” means “mystery” which means “don’t know”.
    Also, lens flares.

    Bay is dumb. Jar Jar is stupid.

  • /fap

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    I agree that JJ would be better off if he outgrew his fanboy phase, but I’m not really sure if I agree with George RR Martin.
    I mean, yeah, I can definitely see why fanfiction would box you in, but if creative people can find a way “in” to a universe and offer a unique take on it (which is NOT what I think Hollywood is doing) then I think that’s fine.
    I love Batman: The Animated Series. It’s not the original incarnation of Batman. Yet, for the most part, it’s pretty great.
    I think that, if you can write for a pre-established universe and you are able to utilize your full creative potential, then that’s fine.
    I think it all depends on whether you bring something new to the table.
    I mean, I like writing stories, and I absolutely cannot write fanfiction because, yeah, I DO feel boxed in by that. But other people can make it work and I say more power to them.
    All that said, though, I don’t really think that JJ Abrams has brought much new to the table. He’s “Spielberg-lite” at best.
    So, yeah, I don’t think him working on things based in IP is best for him.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    There is no try.

  • Salty Kenny

    I clicked it……………….FUCK!

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Richevans will be over to bait you soon.
    Mmmm…

  • Can’t blame you, after all Rich is the internet’s hawttest jailbait.

  • HaHa

    So , speaking of the Batman The Animated Series. Can a good movie be made of Batman Beyond?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You guys having a blast with your new Star Wars, in the meantime, Ghostbusters fans have to deal with a horrible photo that was released today. Paul Feig raped my childhood.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I can’t for Melissa McCarthy to fall down alot and fart.

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Batman is Bruce Wayne. Terry McGinnis, Dick Grayson, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, will never be Batman in a movie. I think.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The New Star Wars movie has the exact same RT score (95%) as JJ’s Trek. Coincidence? I think not!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Shit nowdays Jay has more integrity then Mike. How the tables have turned.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    First?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    What matters is the average rating. Which at the moment is 8.2/10. Not too shabby but then again I don’t know how much weight should be placed on these reviews. Like you say it’s scored the same as JJ trek which I find to be worthless mediocrity. Yes it’s pretty to look but it’s so hollow and reliant upon fanservice it might as well be a Fast&Furious movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Also, keep in mind Revenge of the Sith has 79% (and a 7.3 average rating). Star Wars somehow jedi-mind-tricks everyone to give it free pass no matter what.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    See when I was 13 I thought ROTS ruled because it was so dark(and because it had lava in it). But then I grew up and became baffled at how grown up people who have 528491 times more education about cinema then me could rate this POS that highly. Was it because it spoke to the angst of 40 year old men? Is Padme’s love subplot a brilliant commentary on middle age crisis?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: 78% and 6.9 rating.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I remember being so excited when it got 100% (they only did 0, 20, 40..) in the movie magazine I used to read. I didn’t care for Clones, so I was awaiting someting bold, dark and awesome. Fuck critics.

  • Even before the opening crawl. It’s a cold opening.

  • Trask

    I just saw The Force Awakens so I can finally watch the Rich and Mike prediction video.

  • The Ghost

    Jay’s wearing my dad’s glasses.

  • Like Icare

    It looks like bad cosplay. OR “a rich combination of details and nuance” and a study on criminal underuse of color…

    http://screencrush.com/ghostbusters-first-official-photo/

    Like most official promotional photos, it may seem straightforward, but in actuality is a rich combination of details and nuance.

    The dominant element of the image is the hypnotic, captivating green glow emanating from an unknown source at the center of the photo.
    Green-glowing crap has long been a key component of the Ghostbusters brand, and here, Feig reminds us of how criminally underused the color is by showing how distinctive its brightest hue can be.

    After the viewer has soaked in all that glorious green, the eye is then drawn to the individual actresses’ faces, where they’re uniformly emoting a look I’d describe as “done with your nonsense.”

    The brilliance lies in the details, like Kate McKinnon’s slightly cocked head, or Melissa McCarthy’s akimbo-arm power stance. [BTW: That is NOT arms akimbo stance.]

    This is a movie about women who are strong, who will bust ghosts just as quickly as they’ll bust your ass for foolishness. It does leave one burning question, however: whence Slimer?

  • Like Icare

    I particularly like the “criminal underuse of color” when talking about a photo made practically monochromatic by “green-glowing crap”.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    nobody has seen it yet(neither on exiled nor on manhole)

  • Percy Gryce

    Only if, in this new continuity, Picard is a cyborg from the future . . . of space.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    You gotta give props to that writter. To squeeze that much bullshit out of a single picture is admirable.

  • Beckoning Chasm

    I’m already bored with The Force Awakens and I don’t plan to see it until June, And I may not see it in June until June turns into August!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I actually think that McCarthy and Wiig are better in dramatic roles.

  • CoolFrancis

    I didn’t understand Kylo Ren’s motivations either.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pw3wXN6sIw

  • I’m in love with RLM. Seriously, how can you not?

  • Palpatine

    But do they love us the same way we love them?

  • Herbert West

    It’s because compared to the first two it’s a far more watchable movie. If I was forced to watch one of the prequels, I would choose the third one. It’s also about expectations, and I think expectations were pretty low by the time the 3rd one came out.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, that’s more based on the early reviews for it, as time goes by, it’ll go down slightly.

  • Palpatine

    I thought the same thing when I first saw it.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It almost reads like when the network executive lady was describing Poochie to the writers.

    Network Executive Lady: We at the studio want some women with attitude. They’re edgy, they’re “in your face.” You’ve heard the expression, “let’s get busy”? Well, these are women that get “biz-zay!” Consistently and thoroughly.

    Krusty: So they are proactive, huh?

    Network Executive Lady: Oh, God, yes. We’re talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.

    Writer: Excuse me, but “proactive” and “paradigm”? Aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I’m accusing you of anything like that. [pause] I’m fired, aren’t I?

    Roger Myers Jr.: Oh, yes.

  • I’m thinking no. Common rabble, even I hate myself.

  • Commander X

    Yeah, yikes. http://i.imgur.com/SSC7LOa.jpg

    Ghostbusters: Tumblr edition.

  • Commander X

    I hope Wiig plays a nervous and hyperactive woman, that would be such a delight.

  • Palpatine

    Yousa haten yousa selfa? Oh, that’sa sad.

  • Horrid CGI should be hated. Have you seen Force Awaken yet?

  • Sully

    I’m just gonna put this right here…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhQPu-5C-WY

  • Palpatine

    Not yet, I’m seeing it Friday. How about you?

  • Palpatine

    Hey, how’d you get off my mantle?!

  • Sully

    I got thirsty.

  • Palpatine

    But seriously, where’ve you been?

  • Sully

    Working, traveling, “researching” and now enjoying a bout of strep throat.

  • Palpatine

    Well it’s still nice to see you back on here after all these months.

  • I don’t know what you heard about me
    But a bitch can’t get a dollar out of me
    No Cadillac, no perms, you can’t see
    That I’m a motherfucking P-I-M-P

  • Sully

    Nice to be back.

  • Palpatine

    Are you still writing scripts? Because I’ve already written one script and I’m currently writing another one.

  • Sully
  • Sully

    I’m currently working on a series. I got bit by the small screen bug a month or so ago, so I’ve put some stuff on the back burner for the moment.

  • Palpatine

    Best of luck with that. As for myself, my first script was for a remake of Halloween, which I was hoping to see get made as a fan film, but I’ve had no such luck. My second script which I’m currently working on is called What We Did This Summer, a coming of age drama set in the mid-90’s.

  • Sully

    Hey… I know what you did last summer, and you, sir, should be ashamed of yourself.

  • Palpatine

    I still am.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Colo Clawfish.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Sully? YOU’RE ALIVE?!

  • Like Icare

    Hey… It worked for Bill Murray. Why should women settle for less?

    No… Wait… Murray was actually always a smartass. Fighting with his quick wit and intelligence, not farts and slapstick.
    That’s when he wasn’t too busy becoming superman.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-cIUVgacaY

  • Max Landis is Kylo Ren??

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    today’s the day you can post your whole review, guys… but maybe they’re waiting till us plebs can see it.
    rewatching the originals, idk in how long, and i keep getting flashbacks from the prequels, ugh. they really did ruin star wars! like… did lucas not bother watching the originals at all before he wrote the prequels??

  • Hank_Henshaw

    TFA may end up beating Jurassic, but it’s never gonna beat Titanic. No one can.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    First thing I noticed about the picture was they are in an art-deco building… because reference. Admittedly some of the most iconic buildings in Manhattan are from that era/architectural design.

  • At least Billy Zane got to beat Kate Winslet.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    From what I’m reading elsewhere about TFA, we might be listening this music again… very soon.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azmpSVm8f-8

  • Sully

    It’s a matter of perspective, really.

  • OMNI

    Awesome! Too bad it was only 8 minutes…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I deeply wish for it to pass but that won’t happen.

  • Palpatine

    He’s wearing eyeliner in that movie.

  • CoolFrancis
  • Palpatine

    Mike’s going to be gushing over the movie the whole review.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Note, I’m not saying TFA is bad so that it deserves a full-length Plinkett review. Just that there might be a list rundown of callbacks/homages/references, even if it’s just a short Plinkett review, ála Star Trek ’09.

  • Not sure. Work and travel gets in the way. Probably next week.

  • Palpatine

    That’s what will most likely happen if I had to guess.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    OH MY GHAAAAWWWD!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I barely consider those short videos as Plinkett quality material. It’s more like Mike wanting to geek out for 10 extra minutes outside of a HiTB review.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Is it even opening in Milwaukee?

  • Palpatine

    And make us remember the good old days when we still had Plinkett reviews.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I hear Adam Driver is amazing as Kylo Ren. Did we good by casting him as Max Landis?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So suddenly Phasma has a purple space bazooka.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Plinkett is the past, PreRec is the future.

  • Palpatine

    Fuck that future!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Plinkett is the original Matrix film, Pre-Rec is the Matrix sequels.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Random RLM fans were stopped on the street, to ask them why they think Mike has stopped making Plinkett reviews. Their response?

    “Too fat.”
    “Too old.”

  • Like Icare
  • Palpatine

    “Pre-Rec is da bomb, bitch!”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    isn’t that the case for him in every movie? Pretty sure there was some eyeliner going on in The Phantom.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Are the Ewoks tv movies canon?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That would mean Lumpy, who may or may not be from a previous marriage, is canon.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Is it true that Ewoks were supposed to be wookies, but they figured that making smaller costumes, and hiring little people, would be much cheaper?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s what I heard but by 2005 Lucas saved enough money in the hairy creature fund to make all those costumes. Hey, hair’s not cheap kids.The man runs a business.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And she got to me beat-never mind.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    amount saved: (-$0.32)

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Ahhhh, the mid-90’s.
    ‘The Simpsons’ was still in its prime, our nation was a few years past its ‘Twin Peaks’ craze and, uh… grunge… flannel…


    …okay, so I don’t remember much about the 90’s. I wasn’t there for much of it.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    That was the most offensive thing that a Billy Zane ever did to a female character, right after that time his character dated Audrey Horne on ‘Twin Peaks.’
    God, fuck THAT!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So you bought your ticket, or you snuck in the side door as people were leaving, you bought your pop corn, or booze, and you’re ready to watch the third and final installment of the Star Wars prequels! How bad can it be?

  • Like Icare

    That movie now looks better than Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull Aliens.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I remember making fun of the first two Mummy movies with Brendan Fraser (never saw the third), because they were like low rent Indy movies. Those are also better than KotCS.

  • Noah R.

    Such a bad, bad trailer….

  • Palpatine

    No.

  • RLMkeepitup

    barf

  • RLMkeepitup

    jorge has gone bye bye

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    I’m watching the BOTW Christmas special from a few years ago and it’s kind of bittersweet seeing Jessi in it.
    God, I don’t know if the “Reddit creepers” story is true but, if it is, fuck them for tearing a hole in our unhappy little family.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Jessi has returned to her home planet.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Every time Jessi is not on the camera, every commenter should say “where’s Jessi?”

  • Cream-A-Thon

    That might exacerbate the situation.

  • tOmy`

    So I just got back from the midnight premier and let me tell you: Riveting stuff, simply riveting.

    I am obviously talking about The Huntsman: Ace Age Comming Trailer that stars Thor and two chicks in roles of (and no, I am not making this shit up): The Ice Queen and The Evil Queen.

    Prepare your wallets.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    It is pretty much the plot of the original film. Everything is recycled. Truly, a pointless endeavor…save for the fuck ton of money they will bleed from marketed nerd culture.

  • tOmy`

    Ola, feral animal, nice to see you back!

  • Wolvy

    “It’s a cook book!”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I should flag this for spoilers.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    What did they break up? Why do people care?

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Yes.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Can Charlize and Emily make out in the movie?

  • tOmy`

    Give them money, these people run byznys.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    You should flag Hollywood writers for hacks afterwards.

  • tOmy`

    Let’s keep our thoughts to ourselves? At least for a week or two?

    (Not being an asshole, just a simple suggestion.)

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    I’m not going to keep my thoughts too myself, but I’m also not going to ruin anything. I just said it’s like our beloved Lucas quote, “It’s like poetry…”. That’s all. 😉

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Or write SPOILERS then add a colon then hold the space bar for eight minute.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    There was nothing spoiled, but sure, I will edit that in if people feel that way. Sorry.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Good, beard man. Kneel before, JP.

  • tOmy`

    I wholeheartedly agree.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh, then write POSSIBLE SPOILERS. You need caps.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    As a punishment for that, Leia ate too many hot dogs and had massive substance abuse problems. So Han took off, got his ear pierced on Nar Shadda and started dating a heroin/spice addict. 😛

  • tOmy`

    I think we should simply wait for HitB and then take the molotovs to the town.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Fixing that now then.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is Nar Shadda canon anymore?

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Probably not.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    So, they blow up Alderaan, again?

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Sadly, yes. The Republic went bankrupt rebuilding it piece by piece over 30 years. That’s how the baddies rebuild.

  • tOmy`

    BTW: Our screening was delayed by 10 minutes because people were buying popcorn and the queue was too long.

    Seriously. That happened.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Seems fitting a government boondoggle brings them down. Again.

  • tOmy`

    The dark side of the bureaucracy.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Isn’t going to the movies great?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    My buddy works part time as a concession stand guy and as an actor. He was going to be in a commercial this weekend but Star Wars is making miss the gig.

  • Did you take out your “”””””””lightsaber”””””””””” and cut their heads off? If no, WHY NOT!?

    #StarWarsVII #AvailableSoon

  • tOmy`

    We had too many beers to wait for overpriced popcorn. We just wanted to see the movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    By lightsaber I assume you mean penis.

  • tOmy`

    *pom poms

  • What movie? Daddy’s Home starring Mia Ferrell and that new old guy from Transformers 4 It Stinks?

    #StarWarsVII #AvailableNow #DigitalDownload #Pirate***

  • No I meant Cockatiel they are higly agressive. Especially when you want to take them out of their cage or when around Star Wars Creeps!

    #StarWarsVIII #StarringChinamen #MoreYEN

  • Amontillado

    True dat. Though I almost feel like calling the Jay the foil to Mike, or Mike’ straight man (ironically). Plus, Jay is versatile – his star turn as Susan was brilliant, on par with the greats such as Greta Garbo, Anjela Lansbury, and Bette Davis.

  • George Lucas still has claws. 5/5

  • Like Icare

    I’d buy that for a dollar!

  • Noah R.
  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Force Awakens is great? Fucking Ray Charles could see that coming and he doesn’t know anything about Star Wars.

  • Palpatine

    I doubt it’ll be great, just decent.

  • I’m sure he’s spinning around in his grave. You know, cus’ he’s dead. And spinning is a part of the Star Wars joke. It’s a good joke. NOW LAUGH before I cut your head of with a purple lightsaber!

    #StarWarsPhantomMenace3D #AvailableNow

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Episode II reminds me a lot of Town Toon from Roger Rabbit.

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    and another thing… it reminded me that i never wanted the prequel movies. even when i was a kid, i had no interest in seeing films about what happened to anakin etc. it was explained well enough in the original movies (and as we came to learn, better!). all i wanted was to know what happened to the current characters and their kids… and now we’ll get to. as anakin said, “YIPPIE!”

  • Like Icare

    From what I understand, and from seeing its imdb score drop at least 0.2 points in that last 24 hours… it’s just another soulless reboot and another attempt by Jar Jar to cover his incompetence with references.

  • Palpatine

    Look, I really want to like this film, I do, I’m just worried how the people on here who didn’t like it will react to me liking it.

  • Like Icare

    Meh… It will be an Indiana Jones 4 at best. Except that one at least had exciting trailers.

    Hopefully we’ll at least get a Plinkett review out of it… eventually… maybe… perhaps…

  • Palpatine

    …Never.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I have a feeling the majority here will like it. Especially once the new HitB is out and the movie gets the RLM stamp of approval.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    No way it is that bad. Indiana Jones 4 is terrible. Marginally better than a SW prequel.

  • Palpatine

    And it will.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    100% guaranteed.

  • Palpatine

    The review will end like this:

    Mike: “So Rich Evans, what did you think of Star Wars: The Force Awakens?”
    Rich (while wearing Darth Vader mask and masturbating droid toy): “I FUCKING LOVE STAR WARS!!! FUCKING STAR WARS!!!”
    Mike: “Ha ha ha, he’s so marketable, just like this movie!”

  • Like Icare

    Well… It’s a Ford equivalent. Start Rek is probably closer.
    We’re talking a Jar Jar movie after all…

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m reading it’s pretty much on level with JJ’s Trek ’09. I saw that one, not knowing much about Star Trek, and I lost interest by the third act. It wasn’t bad, but I’ve never cared for that franchise. Just like I’ve never cared for Star Wars. I’m gonna skip TFA, everyone is going to watch it, so I’ll be bringing balance to the force.

  • Garland

    they should do Plinkett reviews of some Pre Rec episodes!

  • Part Time ; ) [trailer version]
    part time : / [final edit version]

  • That comparison makes me wanna hit you in the face with a cartoon hammer.

  • For once, I entirely agree with Lucas, i.e. his condescending review of TFA: “It’s very much the movie [the fans] have been looking for.” The managed fan-service between Disney and idiots who shit themselves whenever “I see a thing I know from another thing!!!” is depressing. NuTrek and the last couple Bond films are recent examples. Sadly. a lot of people love shit shoveled in their mouths. Who the fuck records and uploads their reaction to a trailer? “OMG, it’s that thing I know, the Falcon!” [the non-Rich Evans version]. When Mark Hamill keeps (KEEPS) saying “Star Wars belongs to you now, fans!” I get the feeling he’s trying to jump ship and get away from these people. The TFA hype has turned these ‘tards into situational narcissists. Remember Triumph the Insult Comic Dog laughing at the cosplayers waiting to see the prequels? Help us, Triumph! You’re our only hope!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I loved the Long Walk Home callback with Mike shoving a mic in Rich Evans’ face.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yes, it’s called Return of The Joker.

  • Watch out, Qui-Gonn!

  • Evertale

    What’s wrong with your FORCE!?

  • Michael Collins

    doesn’t make lucas right about anything else though..

  • HaHa

    Kylo Ren character traits in a short clip

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miOWJ4rKb_g

  • tOmy`

    So I had couple of hours to sleep on the movie and let me tell you: It’s pretty much the same as it was the last night.

  • tOmy`

    It was the bestest movie ever, because it had acid in it.

  • tOmy`

    It’s the best thing since the Empire, mkay?! Twitter already said so!

  • tOmy`

    Fast 7 got approval and it’s not like you people stopped bullying me for liking them masterpieces.

    Jerks.

  • Does Spock die tho?

  • I have a good friend who’s an electronic producer and he thought Joel was dead-on. There are a lot of people, him included, who put painstaking effort into their craft and stay original. I’ve been a fan of electronic music since long before EDM was a fad, and while Joel’s music is not super popular even in the new scene, he’s always stuck to what HE wants to do, which i respect tremendously. That kind of uniqueness is what drew me to electronic music in the first place.

  • tOmy`

    I wish.

  • How long till Star Wars vs. Star Trek: The End of the Universe?

  • Bubs

    Just got back from seeing Star Wars Episode 7 for the 5th time. I can’t believe they killed Robb Stark! Who saw that coming?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    -You know nothing BB-8!
    -” robot noises”
    “audience erupts into a tornado of cheers and claps and ejaculations:
    JJ DID IT. STAR WARS IS BACK EVERYBODY!

  • tOmy`

    No, you see, that happens with the Star Wars title scroll.

  • tOmy`

    Marvel trademarks have to collect the infinity gems first.

  • Bubs

    Wow, I can’t wait to see Dykebusters 3: Electric Vibratorloo.

    http://screencrush.com/ghostbusters-first-official-photo/

    I don’t even know what that means. Fuck me.

  • Marvin Falz

    “You know nothing BB-8”

    My new favorite line in Star Wars. I love meaninglessness. Kill me.

  • tOmy`

    How can a photo make a “good argument”? Stop feeding me this shit.

    And I raise you one Huntsman: The Cold War Is Coming trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAvCgVR0gIM

  • Domo

    We really need a Ghostbusters reboot featuring dolphins. Trying to take out ghosts, but under the sea using sonar! It’ll be wonderful!

  • You seriously expect me to get your nerdy comic book references?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    and you can make a Free Willy crossover reboot/cinematic universe in the future!

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  • Who ya gonna call? Ecco the dolphin!

  • Bubs

    Can ghosts haunt the sea? Would they have to be fish ghosts or could they be people ghosts? Can fish even becomes ghosts? Do ghost pirates have to haunt sunken ships? Can they breathe underwater? Do ghosts have to breathe? If you get a priest to bless the ocean, does the whole thing become holy water?

    What a plothole.

  • tOmy`

    Yes.

  • Domo

    Look, we’ll just make a joke about crossing the “streams” as a nod to the audience that this is all horseshit and they’ll eat it up like an all you can eat oyster buffet. It’ll totally work!

  • tOmy`

    The painful reality of endless Star Wars discussions fading out just as Rogue One hits the theaters to restart the hype again is slowly setting in.

    This is your life, now. Lube up.

  • Bubs

    Yeah, that’ll $$.

    And I won’t even mention your Freudian cunnilingus slip.

  • 2 Ghostbusterettes, 1 stream?

  • tOmy`

    I thought that “crossing the streams” was more of a golden shower Freudian sl-

    Oh.

  • Bubs

    There’s just so many to pick!
    @domo_konnichiwa:disqus and her filthy subconscious.

  • Bubs

    I’m predicting an Oscar for Best Comedy.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I wasn’t hyped for TFA so why should I be hyped for a third grade spin off?

  • Bubs

    Because we’re going to market to you so fucking hard you’ll think you’ve been fucked by a train.

    https://kpwebster.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/clockwork-orange-eyes.jpg

  • dollar store cashier wife

    GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF MY ASS WALLET!

  • tOmy`

    I am actually hyped for Rogue One.

  • Domo

    They already took your ass wallet, and replaced it with a star wars ass wallet.

    And you should be grateful!

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of: What is the consensus? When is the appropriate time to start jerking off my Star Wars toys all over this comment section? When HitB gets released? Or can we start throwing ratings in your faces, sorry souls that had a good nice sleep instead of waiting in queues?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Tommorow when most of us get a chance to see it.

  • tOmy`

    Superb. I shall pre-write my one word review.

  • “Tshi.”?

  • tOmy`

    “Porcupines.”

  • Bubs

    I probably won’t see it for at least two more weeks, so don’t wait for me. But my 2 pence says when the HitB inevitably drops.

  • Bubs

    Because I live under a rock, I just saw this image for the first time and found it quite witty.

    http://i.imgur.com/i8yV7sN.jpg?1

    Merry Christmas, you cunts.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Time for a new and worse countdown. 12 hours till I get off my lazy arse and see Spaceballs: The Shwartz Awakens…
    Thats right, I’ll beeeee baaaack….

  • Make me a camrip, mmkay?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “StudioCanal and Beijing-based DMG Entertainment will remaster in 3D James Cameron’s blockbusterTerminator 2. The director will supervise the remastering process and produce the 3D version of the film, which will open in theaters across the world next year.

    The 3D version of Terminator 2 will premiere in China, where the film has never had an official theatrical release.

    Following the announcement, Rodolphe Buet, StudioCanal president, international distribution and marketing, said: “We are very excited to be teaming up with DMG and James Cameron to breathe new life into T2 and bring it in 3D to cinema-goers in China.”

    Fuck movies.

  • tOmy`

    “Customers at McDonald’s stepped over a disabled man as he choked to death on his meal in order to “get to the counter”, an inquest heard.”

  • Joe Syxpac

    Cute, but you don’t wanna have sex with it?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Screw Star Whores.

    I’m going fishing.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Colo Claw Fishing..?

  • Sully

    It’s only temporary. I’ll be off to pulling my fur out by the pawful soon enough.

  • Sully

    I’m actually more excited for Rogue One than I am for Force Awakens. It truly is classic Star Wars with old style Stormtroopers and Vader, and (I’m assuming) less Jedi action, which, to me, was always the least interesting thing about Star Wars.

  • Like Icare

    I actually kinda care more for the Star Trek franchise – or for Star Trek stories and universe to be correct.
    It’s more science fiction than science fantasy that is Star Wars… and due to its sheer numbers it is harder to fuck up completely with prequels and reboots.
    Even Enterprise, though hated at the time, became better as it went on.

    So… In that light…

    Jar Jar Trek to ME is a much worse movie as it is pointless and changes and dumbs down and ELECTRIFIES major elements of the universe… and is ultimately Trek in name only.

    And, having not seen it yet, but reading reviews both negative and positive (and boy are those full of delusional excuses and “dense” and “poetry” called by other names)… that’s what Jar Jar and Disney did with the Star Wars movie too.
    Endless callbacks and references and right out repeated plot and scenes from the original movies + old people from the original movies showing up because Spock… only everything is even more !!!ELECTRIFIED!!!

    I’ll probably see it this weekend… we were planning to go see it when things calm down but we had some scheduling changes so it’s probably this weekend… and I’m having a feeling I’ll be just annoyed and it will be the final nail in that coffin for me and Star Wars.

  • Like Icare

    In other news… Mila Jovovich is 40. Does that mean she’s a witch now?

  • HaHa

    Bad poetry, like always trying to hard.

  • Like Icare

    Like Indiana Jones “prairie dogs” only it hurts more?

  • Like Icare

    Well… We had a dolphin Matrix BEFORE we had Matrix Matrix so…
    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t0AKhvNnlDI/VQ9bjCLiSZI/AAAAAAAABMw/A4Qh09bllFM/s1600/cyberdolphin.jpg

  • Like Icare

    Yes. Flying Dutchman.
    Yes. They are people.
    No. Fish can’t ghost. But maybe dolphins and whales could.
    No. Ghost pirates can ghost other places to, like places where they’ve buried treasure.
    Ghosts don’t breathe.
    Priest can’t bless the ocean cause it is not pure water. It’s full of salt and fish and floating turds…

  • Bubs

    Dear RLM, Because I know you’re always eager to generate as much clickbait Star Wars bullshit as possible, might I recommend a feature-length commentary on the “The Force Awakens Red Carpet Premiere”. Otherwise known as: “The Most Awkward Night in History.” I have never seen such a large number of people who didn’t want to be somewhere since Auschwitz was liberated.

    I think this picture says it all:
    http://www.theguardian.com/film/gallery/2015/dec/16/european-premiere-of-star-wars-the-force-awakens-in-pictures#img-2

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Yup, that’s the way I look at it too.

  • Like Icare

    When guys cross their streams it is not the same as when women do.

    Also… I wonder how long will it take for someone out there to dub the movie sexist because “the trap” opens up, forming a giant V… and then it gobbles up ghosts.

    Also-also… how long until some bullshit theory is presented where sucking their souls into magnetic trap-vagina “unbirths” those ghosts, which is a metaphor for liberating women from the traditional gender roles… or some such shit.

  • Like Icare

    Yes.

  • Like Icare

    It has awakened and it wants its coffee and it needs to take a shit but there’s someone in the bathroom already.

  • Like Icare

    He’s starting to more and more look like a wise old sage with every passing minute.

  • Marvin Falz

    That new Star Trek trailer: more like Star Dreck. (awkward laughter ->) HA HA HA HA HA.

  • Marvin Falz

    Now.

  • Like Icare
  • Marvin Falz

    I read “this is undignified, childish crap” into her facial expression.

  • Like Icare

    Ah come on… Like you never had to step over a drunk to get to something.

  • Like Icare

    I read “I can’t believe that fucker had he balls to tell me that there are no glasses in the galaxy far far away. The shit I have to put up with just to feed my cat.”

    Ford is the one with “undignified, childish crap” expression.
    http://www.theguardian.com/film/gallery/2015/dec/16/european-premiere-of-star-wars-the-force-awakens-in-pictures#img-6

  • Like Icare

    Why are people still trying to hard?
    I thought Viagra solved that problem by eliminating trying.

    Maybe they have heart problems… yeah… could be that.

  • Marvin Falz

    In both cases the woman looks like she’s about to cry.

    He wasn’t sure about the worth of his involvement with a role in Ender’s Game either.

  • Hey Spock is back and Spock does stunts cus of Star Trek. *bhahawha* I remember Scott jumping off a cliff in a daring attempt to save the Enterprise getting stuck in a Dyson sphere in TNG ep ‘Relics*. Lots and lots of explotions in that one. I also remember captain Picard stunt driving the Argo in… oh wait, that actually happened.

    I did not expect this much action but I’m also not that surprised. I lost most of my hope during the story line of Into Darkness and there is in my mind not so much to do about it. This is what the execs want and what movie goers hav ecome to expect. Damn shame really. I wanted a political drama like The Final Frontier offered. Klingons were next in line I thought and that could be “good” Star Trek in a modern JJ Star Trek way.

    At least we have Rogue One.

    #StarWars #AvailableNOW #DigitalDownload #CloneWars

  • That’s the non-medy of Star Wars over exitement.

  • Witch one is the Bill Murray one?

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • *crossing fingers*

  • Marvin Falz

    A bucket of cold water of possible reality in my face. Hey, but maybe he speaks the truth, as in ‘what everybody thinks who likes Roddenberry’s Trek’. I guess, his opinion doesn’t have [s]much[/s] any influence on the studio bosses.

  • Picking up the pieces…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Pegg had to do tons of PR back when JJ did his Star Trek movies and I’m sure he’s smart enough to realize it was the same schlock except not as severe as Beyond.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Poor guy.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He’s a trekkie and a nerd like us in general though so I’m sure in the experience of making three ST films he’s had his fair share of gratification and wish fulfillment…not to mention the size of the paycheck.

  • His bank account Peggs to differ.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    Oh, I was just talking about him having to uncomfortably defend the film.
    I’m sure he’s doing fine.

  • And I was just jumping at the opportunity to make yet another stupid pun.

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    As we all do.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • J.J. needs nose reduction surgery.

  • tOmy`

    100% agree.

  • Marvin Falz

    I’m sure most actors in general are smart enough to realize about the quality of the productions they’re. Mike and Jay frequently show bits of interviews and behind-the-scenes on HitB and the Plinketts where actors either BS their way through the interviews or don’t really know what to say or just flat out tell the truth.

  • Marvin Falz

    Looks like George Lucas’ redemption begins to show in public.

  • Star Trek vs. Star Trek: The Star Trek https://youtu.be/Yr_1K5YOAq0

  • Palpatine

    I have a strong feeling I’m going to end up in the minority of people on who liked The Force Awakens. And you know what, I don’t have a problem with that.

  • tOmy`

    What minority? 90% of people are loving it and ratings are more than positive.

  • Palpatine

    I meant a minority on here, I just corrected it.

  • tOmy`

    I wanted to make the fair warning before and then I changed my mind, but seeing that Tapey already messed up:

    If you are following me on Disqus, you will see some posts regarding the movie in your “latest comments” section; all of these posts are on AV Club and while they don’t spoil the movie, they are pretty telling. So… you know… avoid that shit, if you want to.

  • tOmy`

    Oh. We will see. I can’t call this one.

    Although I have some predictions about what some of the regulars will think about it.

  • Marvin Falz

    See, until now I thought that edits would automatically show, but now I know that you have to refresh the page to see them. That’s why I didn’t see your edit of the missing comma two weeks ago.

  • tOmy`

    The fact that you still remember my “missing comma” is rather disturbing.

    And yea, you have to refresh. Disqus is not exactly perfect.

  • Palpatine

    Duck Fisqus!

  • Marvin Falz

    Why is that disturbing?

  • Palpatine

    If the majority on here doesn’t like it, that’s fine with me.

  • Marvin Falz

    There’s only one word for it: Tshi.

  • tOmy`

    It was two weeks ago! I don’t even remember what was happening in my life two weeks ago.

    Except missing commas, apparently. Figures…

  • Palpatine

    I don’t either.

  • Marvin Falz

    I remember a lot of things, other things I forget rather fast. For instance: I admire all RLM fans who remember smallest details and phrasings in movies, TV series, HitBs and and and, since I forget them almost immediately.

  • Percy Gryce
  • Percy Gryce

    Looks like spoilers are going to leak into this webzone–like Plinkett’s underpants after his cheeseburger orgy.

    So I’ll have to check out until Sunday, which is probably the earliest I can see The Farce Awakens.

    Ciao, all you beautiful babies. Oh, and you basement nerds too.

  • Marvin Falz

    Ciao.

  • Palpatine

    So Alderaan did have Weapons of Mass Destruction all along!

  • tOmy`

    I have an awful memory for names. I might have seen 20 movies with one actor and I still don’t remember his name.

    Oddly enough, I don’t have that problem with names from music industry.

  • tOmy`

    Leia is a woman, of course she lied!

  • tOmy`

    Enjoy the film!

  • Palpatine

    Maybe who ever acts as the mod for this webzone will delete the spoiler comments.

  • Palpatine

    I’m very good at remembering actors and singers names.

  • tOmy`

    I don’t think people will spoil the movie. The whole internet is spoiler-free territory as of now.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, just wait until this time tomorrow.

  • Marvin Falz

    I have an awful memory for names too. Not this awful though. Usually I don’t care to look up the names of the actors, directors, writers and so on, unless something impresses me and I want to check up on their works.

  • tOmy`

    Maybe.

    That could be the reason why Sasha Grey is the only name I remember.

  • Palpatine

    So speaking of Star Wars, who here is looking forward to Rouge One?

  • tOmy`

    Me.

  • Palpatine

    I think it looks just alright.

  • tOmy`

    *Star Ass Warset

  • tOmy`

    Yea, the concept is interesting and if they go for the “Black Hawk Down” vibe, it could be fine.

    Not a big fan of CG Grand Moff, but who am I to argue the brilliant minds of Disney.

  • Marvin Falz

    Probably not because of her involvement in porn but maybe because of her former involvement and that she’s left the porn industry to have a career as actress, singer, writer, musician and model. At least that’s what I find interesting at first glance.

  • tOmy`

    Yup. Plus she is into kinky stuff.

  • Palpatine

    It’s probably the only spin-off movie that looks interesting. That Han Solo/Boba Fett spin-off or standalone film doesn’t sound interesting.

  • tOmy`

    Boba Fett movie is pretty much needless.

    The big problem will always be the unfortunate tie in to Prequels.

  • Palpatine

    My problem is that it won’t be giving us new characters, unlike Rouge One.

  • tOmy`

    They might explore more bounty hunters and therefore giving us some more info on them.

    But as someone pointed out, it will ruin the mysteriousness that is the base stone of their coolness.

  • Palpatine

    Attack of the Clones already ruined that by showing us kid Boba Fett.

  • Trask

    It does have a few flaws, but I liked it quite a bit. Especially the beginning.

  • tOmy`

    Great, now everyone knows it has a beginning.

    -.-

  • tOmy`

    That movie managed to ruin even the sand.

    http://7-themes.com/data_images/out/38/6898487-beautiful-bora-bora-wallpaper.jpg

    And that is an awfully hard thing to do.

  • Huh? There’s already a teaser trailer for Rouge One?

  • Redemption? More like resentment.

  • Trask
  • Palpatine

    Every Saga Has a Beginning. Oh wait, wrong movie.

  • Whaat? Google it for me!

  • tOmy`

    No, only the leaked teaser.

    But I find the idea better than a new trilogy. Breath of fresh air, if you will.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, I got to admit, the idea is pretty cool.

  • A bresh of freth air is always a good idea.

  • So much bullshit and he can barely say it with a straight face.

  • Palpatine

    What BotW/HitB/Pre-Rec episode is that from?

  • Mark Bisone

    That shade’s a little too rosy for my complexion, but I’m really digging Mascara Seven.

    http://www.brandchannel.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/star-wars-covergirl-lipstick.jpg

  • It seems you can market pretty much anything these days.

  • I don’t remember, Palpy.

  • Palpatine

    That lipstick sounds good, even though it’s more or less the same kind of lipstick that was released by its creator a few years ago.

  • Palpatine

    Then it must’ve been from a Pre-Rec episode if you don’t remember.

  • Palpatine

    Except for condoms. Star Wars fans don’t need those.

  • tOmy`

    Spoiler alert: None of these colors made it to the final cut of Star Wars.

  • Mark Bisone

    Personally, I’m hoping for a Han Solo tie-in with Depends.

    Either that or a new line of air sickness bags with instructions on how to survive a crash landing on Tatooine.

  • I’m pretty sure it was a BotW episode, though.

  • Palpatine

    And don’t forget about Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.

  • Palpatine

    And remembering stuff from that is usually easy.

  • Palpatine

    I really hope the next BotW is the Christmas episode, and not another Star Wars tie-in video where they review cheap Star Wars rip-off’s like Turkish Star Wars.

  • Like Icare

    I’m waiting on Purple Seven.

  • Palpatine

    Is that an upcoming brand of grape soda?

  • fred

    I wonder what the biggest set piece is. In the 50’s they built a Colosseum for one movie.

  • fred

    I want that Blue Elephant to get his own show.

  • Would you please stop ruining the movie for me?

  • Palpatine

    The Max Rebo Show would be awesome!

  • Palpatine
  • Like Icare

    I hope it’s actually blueberry. Ummm… Blueberries…

  • Snake Squeezer

    Star Wars happened. Never forget.

  • Agreed. Hope it’s a classic Kabazinsky viewing or a WotW

  • Palpatine

    Why doesn’t R2-D2 recognize Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back?

  • tOmy`

    Have they met before?

  • Palpatine

    I’m pretty sure they shared some screen time in the Prequels.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Is that the last X-Men movie with the footage of Anna Paquin edited in?

  • Palpatine

    Yes.

  • Palpatine

    Never!

  • Palpatine

    A Christmas WotW?

  • fred

    I meant in the Star Wars moopie.

  • Palpatine

    They’re using actual sets in it?!

  • fred

    Does the desert count as a set?

  • Palpatine

    No, a set is usually built for the film.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Gareth Edwards? No thanks. Godzilla 2014 blew chunks.

  • Palpatine

    I thought that movie was okay. All the humans with exception of Bryan Cranston were boring, but I guess that was point since the true stars of the movie, like all monster movies, were the monsters themselves.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    It’s almost like he didn’t have the stuff properly planned.

  • Palpatine

    Who, Jorge?

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Yup

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Godzilla was such a star in his own movie that it took 1 hour and 30 minutes for him to show up in a way that wasn’t a pointless tease/bait&switch. And until then you’ll have to endure the most dull and boring cast of “characters” ever. I’m not saying the entire movie has to be mind numbing action extravaganza. Just don’t make it artsy and serious when you clearly have nothing to show for it. At least something like Pacific Rim wasn’t dull in a way that was pretentious.

  • Palpatine

    He says he had the Saga planned out from the beginning. Yes, even Midichlorians were planned out from the beginning, look it up.

  • Herbert West

    His memory was wiped.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    He said like, a lot of things.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Whose, Jorge’s?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    When Yoda goes all mystical about what the Force really is in Empire, he is that’s just talking out of his ass, senile dementia at its finest.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    “My pills fucking always lost are”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Or he was lying. Obi Wan lied to Luke about Vader. It isn’t unreasonable to consider Yoda was trying to manipulate Luke too.

  • His shiny metal ass maybe.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    So who’m I supposed to root for without the words “Sith” or “Jedi” in the title? I haven’t even seen the movie and it’s already stopped thinking for me.

  • Palpatine

    I thought only 3PO’s memory was wiped?

  • Palpatine

    Heroes on both sides.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    It would make a good sense and almost feels, hmm, “rhymey” with the “point of view” lines at the end of Revenge of the Sith.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Thanks, Space Obama.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The Sith were evil, but those Jedis were jerks in their own way too.

  • tOmy`

    The one whose lightsaber ain’t red. Duh.

  • Palpatine

    At least we had those other monsters until Godzilla showed up.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Aaron Taylor-Johnson sure scared the living crap out of me.

  • You monster!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I just hope they don’t drop them.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    But Kylo Ren’s lightsaber looks like a cross? Is this anti-religious propoganda?

    B O Y C O T T

    T H I S

    F I L T H

  • So what he told us was true, from a certain point of view.

  • tOmy`

    Oh come on, that scene was so good that they didn’t even put it into the [redacted for possible spoilers].

  • Palpatine

    It is.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Oh you.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It’s been chilly between them since R2 accused Yoda of cheating at Space Chess.

  • Palpatine

    The movie has good scenes?! Impossible!!! Sorry, I just want to fit in with the rest of you guys by hating it!

  • tOmy`

    I was talking about the trailer moment.

  • tOmy`

    Although I was drunk the whole movie, so who knows.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    No instructions necessary – just try spinning. That’s a good trick!

  • Palpatine

    Wait, the scene of him igniting his Lightsaber in the snowy forest isn’t in the movie?!

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I thought you don’t want spoilers.

  • Like Icare

    I doubt that info is correct.

    First of all that Hobbit number is the size of the entire Alexander Farm – not the sets built on it.
    And they also have sheep and whatnot and a lot more was built later when it was made into a tourist attraction.
    http://www.hobbitontours.com/AboutUs/tabid/64/Default.aspx

    Second of all…
    It completely misses the god damn Tativille.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Playtime#Production
    To shoot Playtime, in 1964 Tati constructed a giant set on wasteland near Vincennes outside Paris, a 162,000 sq ft down-scaled pseudo-city that ate up 65,000 cubic yards of concrete, 42,300 sq ft of plastic, 34,2000 sq ft of timber and 12,600 sq ft of glass.3
    It was quickly nicknamed “Tativille.”4

    http://www.academia.edu/4247134/Playtime_Jaques_Tati_Tativille_and_Paris

    And that list also gives wrong info on Wateworld which comes out to be MUCH larger than Titanic – which it wasn’t.
    https://www.digititles.com/content/top-6-most-expensive-extravagant-and-exotic-movie-sets?ctab=2

    While 1989 Batman is also kinda more of a city of sets stacked next to one another than a single set.
    http://www.1989batman.com/2013/04/production-materials-pinewood-studios.html

  • tOmy`

    It was, but it was Luke igniting it.

    OH FUCK.

  • Palpatine

    Eh, it’s not that big a spoiler.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    From Lucas’ point of view, it’s the fans that are evil.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, sure it was.

  • Palpatine

    Oh, I hated him in that.

  • tOmy`

    Also: The black guy? Not black.

  • Like Icare

    The memorable scenes from the desert planet Tatooine of the Star Wars universe were actually filmed in … rural Tunisia! The numerous, long-abandoned Star Wars sets dating back from 1977, 1999 and 2001-2002 can be found throughout Tozeur, Naftah, Matmata and other places in North Africa. The crew travelled far and wide to the barren Sahara desert towns, where an area of over 11,000 square meters was converted into a fantasy world. During the shooting, more than 1,600 background actors were used, and, as many later recall, they had to overcome great difficulties dealing with the weather in the Sahara desert. Scorching heat reached 137 degrees Fahrenheit (58 degrees C) during filming, and the production was further slowed down by a gigantic summer rainstorm, which was considered rare for the region.
    Later, upon special request from the Tunisian government, some of the locations were left intact and became popular tourist attractions in the Sahara desert, a pilgrimage destination for thousands of Star Wars fans from around the
    world. Unfortunately, time is running out for those who still want to witness this exotic piece of film history, because sand dunes are quickly swallowing it up. The desert has surrounded the movie set on all sides, and it’s a matter of a few months before Mos Espa is completely covered up by the Sahara Desert.

  • Palpatine

    Blackface?

  • Marvin Falz

    My wording is bad.

    On the photo I see J.J. Abrams giving credit to George Lucas – probably as the father of Star Wars – and George Lucas turning his back on Abrams, like he wants to have nothing more to do with Star Wars. To me that has some quality of redemption, like he’s officially out of the game and therefore no longer the recipient of justified or unjustified critique.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, they smeared African-american CGI on his face.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Like Icare

    Root for the Force.

  • tOmy`

    “Come ooon… wake up! Wake uuuup!”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Why does Obi Wan call Anakin a good friend in A New Hope?

  • tOmy`

    His memory got also wiped.

    There was a big memory wiping fad in the late 20’s Before The Battle of Yavin.

  • Palpatine

    Darth Vader: “I am altering the deal, pray I don’t alter any further.”
    George Lucas: “I am altering the films, pray I don’t alter them any further.”

    It’s like poetry, it rhymes.

  • HaHa

    Wake up R2-D2 the movie is ending!!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    So basically Woodstock happended in between ep. III and IV ?

  • Palpatine

    “I HATE YOU!!!!”

    Truly the sign of a good friend.

  • tOmy`

    Bazinga!

    But in my case it was more of a:
    “Come on, Tomy, wake up, the movie is ending!”
    “What movie?!”

  • tOmy`

    That would explain the Jizz popularity.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    /splooge sound

  • Like Icare

    Didn’t you just love when he shares that moment with granny fucker?
    When they look into each other’s eyes across several hundred meters of distance and Godzilla is all like “Good job granny fucker. Like your styles.”

  • Like Icare

    “Just five more minutes…”

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Were the prequels just a dream?

  • Palpatine

    “It’s time for school you lazy little shit!”

  • tOmy`

    “Oh come on, there will be another school like every other 6 months now…”

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “None of the Younglings like me there!”

  • Palpatine

    “I have seen a security hologram of him, killing Younglings”. *Stifles laugh.*

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Those Younglings were weaponized so, in a way, he’s justified in taking out the future capabilities of his enemies. Wait a second, something seems familiar…

  • Palpatine

    They were like African child soldiers?

  • tOmy`

    C3PO was behind it the whole time!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And that memory wiping company from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind really expanded under the Empire.

  • Palpatine

    It wasn’t Darth Jar Jar?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    because why not

  • Marvin Falz

    TFA has a beginning? Those modern moviemakers all suck. Pfft.

  • tOmy`

    The Force Awakens

    “Because why not.”

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Sexy African child soldiers.

  • Palpatine

    I’m going to be the only one on here who’s going to like it, aren’t I? Oh well.

  • Like Icare

    Well, the second one from the left looks kinda African…
    http://www.scifinow.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Younglings.jpg

    This was before Lucas got into dark meat. If you know what I mean.

  • Peter Pumpkinator

    Theres a Plinkett Review coming… have you felt it?

  • Palpatine

    Nope. But there is a new Pre-Rec coming, that’s for sure!

  • Marvin Falz

    Wait, what!? TFA also has an ending? Those modern moviemakers are completely crazy.

  • tOmy`

    If we finally tell you “yes”, will you stop asking that question?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    nope.

  • Palpatine

    Tuesday.

  • tOmy`

    Nah, but seriously, people will like it, no worries.

  • Palpatine

    I’m just joking, relax.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Which fair-to-middling superhero movie from the last decade will he pick? All of them?

  • Peter Pumpkinator

    No, there IS a Plinket Review coming (waves hand slowely)

  • Palpatine

    It’s fine, I’m just messing around.

  • Palpatine

    I’m not weak minded.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The reaction I’m anticipating the most is Like Icare’s review.

  • Palpatine

    God, those alien kids are ugly.

  • Marvin Falz

    They were all just in the imagination of Tommy Westphall. Just like everything else. I’m almost sure I’m an imagination too.

  • Palpatine

    How many paragraphs do you think it’ll be?

  • Like Icare

    There are stories about what happened… The Plinkett, the prostitutes, the cats… the Olsen twins.

  • Marvin Falz

    But I am. Cool, another Plinkett!

  • Like Icare

    ME TOO!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    H
    Y
    P
    E

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It better be as long as the manuscript for TFA.

  • Like Icare

    That’s why their parents sent them to a Jedi school instead of acting or med-school.

    If they happen to be stabbed or scarred horribly during training… no biggie. Plenty more where that came from.

  • So, will Space Cop be coming out before or after the next Star Wars movie?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I think Tim expressed the proper amount of rage;

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4TX6x2WLgk

  • Palpatine

    After.

  • Marvin Falz

    On an unrelated matter: why do the Talosians think that Pike would get horny when he sees Vina with repulsing green makeup?

  • Palpatine

    It’s true. All of it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The Green Hornet.

  • Palpatine

    Um, yes?

  • Damn, they must be working on some pretty impressive SFX. Or maybe Mike is having some Peter-Jackson-esque 3 month reshoots.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    You’re welcome, archeologists of the future.

  • Replace TPM with Star Trek Beyond.

  • Marvin Falz

    “The Phantom Menace was 18 months ago!”

    “It still hurts.”

    Hmm …

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Seth Rogen’s never really worked for me so I’d be very interested in hearing Plinkett’s take on this otherwise popular influencer.

  • The hack… side and the fraud.

  • It still hurts 16 years later.

  • tOmy`

    That’s why they renamed it to Space Wars: Cop One

  • Marvin Falz

    When you say it like this I see the truth.

  • Hot Dog One: A Space Cop Story?

  • RLMkeepitup

    At least a new half in the bag, but a guy can dream. I suspect using footage from the film will be difficult for some time.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Has the “Mall Blart: Space Cop” joke been done yet? I’m so confused.

  • Marvin Falz

    I’m beginning to believe, we’re all a bunch of masochists. It’s like a love-hate relationship. Like dysfunctional family. I want a divorce.

  • I wanna get beaten some more. *rewatches Episode I*

  • Marvin Falz

    We have sparks of Mike’s soul in us, we want to be killed by a movie.

  • Hedgecore
  • Like Icare

    Depends on the amount of moneys their Kickme Starter pulls in.

    Hey!
    Did you guys hear that Mystery Robot Satellite Show In Space made $5,764,229 (almost 6 million moneys) on Kickme Starter to make 14 episode and a special?
    Or that they were asking for TWO MILLION DOLLARS FOR TWO FUCKIN EPISODES!!!

    While these fuckin hackfrauds rake in $11,386.39 per month on Pata-roon.
    They’ll never get into Felicia Day like that… I mean… next to… next to Felicia Day.

  • Or in Megan’s Foxhole or in Natalie’s port, man.

  • I thought it was this: https://youtu.be/eGCD4xb-Tr8

  • tOmy`

    I am gonna have to listen to this the whole day again, thanks a lot.

  • Palpatine

    They wanted that much money to reboot their show?

  • At your service. *bows*

  • tOmy`

    That’ll be all, ho-ho-honey.

  • Like Icare

    Not really…
    https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mst3k/bringbackmst3k

    It’s just Joel Hodgson… Not all of them… and they went asking for 6 million to get a full season.
    2 million for 3 episodes.

    Made over 6 million in Kickstarter and other donations.

  • Palpatine

    Mike>Joel.

  • Like Icare

    Mike is a secret beer billionaire who finances all this from his beer empire revenues.

    After all… Where else would they get all that “startup” money?

    All of that work costs money, which is why our first $2,000,000 includes $550,000 for startup costs.

    The good part is that every penny of that ends up on screen where you can see it.

    3. But… the more episodes we make, the less each episode costs!

    We have to spend the same amount up front, no matter how many episodes we make. If we only make 3 episodes, these costs increase the budget for each episode by $183K… but if we make a full 12, they only increase it by $46K each!

    Anyway, once you take out the CAMPAIGN, REWARD and STARTUP COSTS, there’s a lot less than $2,000,000 left. In fact, that leaves just $750K for three episodes, which – I hope – sounds a lot more reasonable than $2,000,000!
    At the end of the day, our goal is to make each episode for around $250K

    Basically… ONE episode will supposedly cost as much as RLM makes on Patreon IN TWO YEARS.

  • tOmy`

    You know what starts with Star and ends with polarizing?

    Star Trek trailer.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I’m gonna think on upvoting that.

  • tOmy`

    When are you seeing the best movie since Sliced Bread: The Movie?

  • LukasWormTheThird

    No idea, not much cash to throw around and the lady can’t sit in cinema seats for 2 hours straight.

  • tOmy`

    Make sure to see it with Czech subtitles, because they are awful, which means that the dub will be abysmal.

  • Like Icare
  • Palpatine

    Wouldn’t you pay all that money to watch an old guy and two robot puppets talk over terrible movies?

  • Marvin Falz

    Has nothing to do with Star Trek, just an association my mind made based on “polarizing”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICAPVNFijmM

  • Imagine if after all that Prickstarter cash they just re-riff Santa Conquers the Martians or whatever?
    I was watching a Rifftrax of The Sword and the Sorcerer and I swore I had seen it before but laughed more. I figured I must have been drunk the first time I watched it. However, the release date was just a couple days before – what was going? Some kind of Not-as-Funny Deja Vu? It turns out that I had seen the far more amusing MST3K version of that same movie.
    It’s like poetry. It rhymes.
    Aside: actually rhyming poetry is difficult to pull off without sounding trite – think about it!

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I ain’t never seeing dub of anything.

  • tOmy`

    I like these kinds of associations. I like you.

    You shall be left out from my list of people I will spoil Star Wars to.

  • Like Icare

    If I was a medium-size country. Sure.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    You little piece of Sith.

  • Palpatine

    It looks so bad. But I’m sure Mike will give it a pass because Star Trek.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Palpatine

    The Ridiculous Six was so bad, that Netflix removed it.

  • tOmy`

    The question is: Will he give a pass to Star Wars? And if so, does it deserve a pass? And what kinda pass will it be?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    a sexual one

  • Palpatine

    He’ll give it a pass.

  • Marvin Falz

    Well, thank you. Glad, I’m not the only one who makes associations like this. As for the list, you may spoil to me anytime, wouldn’t be fair though to all others here in this webzone.

  • Palpatine

    Rich Evans will give it a sexual pass.

  • Palpatine

    Am I on that list?

  • tOmy`

    The rape scene was handled so tastefully it wasn’t even in the movie.

  • Whaaat?

  • Like Icare

    That’s why Emily Dickinson secretly made all her poems singable to Yellow Rose of Texas.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK0DKHCqwpA&feature=player_detailpage#t=58

  • Palpatine

    That’s what I heard.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He already did that twice!

  • tOmy`

    I already spoiled it for you.

  • Marvin Falz

    I misjudged J.J. Abrams, obviously he is a class a moviemaker.

  • tOmy`

    He sure knows how to put Star Wars back in Star Wars.

  • You’re right.

    Did no one at Netflix see this coming tho? I mean, who woulda thought an Adam Sandler movie was gonna suck.

  • Derrick Cryderman

    I can’t wait to go to this movie and then be fairly disappointed

  • Palpatine

    Oh yeah.

  • Actually, he was hugging him and smiling a moment before, he might be tired of having to stand there for another 5-10 minutes. I saw that on a clip.

  • Derrick Cryderman

    I’ll give you a sexual pass

  • Palpatine

    No thanks.

  • Like Icare

    Am I mistaken or was this Macau CauCau production not mentioned here?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh7-wAy_8ss

  • Marvin Falz

    Fuck. I feel so stupid right now. There, it passed. Why would George Lucas show up at the premiere anyway, if he was so fed up.

  • RLMkeepitup

    you gotta admit that is an accomplishment

  • That’s a waste o’ weed, nigga!

  • tOmy`

    Not yet. I was thinking about bringing it up, but I couldn’t figure out the way how to use it to subconsciously spoil Star Wars.

  • Wow, Macau Cau is like that First Jason guy. He just can’t let go.

  • Kurt Cobain lives!

  • So, what you’re saying is that there’s a Life Day celebration in the movie?

  • Han Solo cries.

  • Marvin Falz

    This was promised to us by the Tree of Life.

  • Like Icare

    Well… maybe referencing how it is in many ways a ripoff of this?
    http://redlettermedia.com/red-letter-media-animated-the-terminator-commentary/

  • Marvin Falz

    Luke (Skywalker) takes out a Kleenex and hands it to Han.

    “Now we’re even, Han, old buddy!”

  • Han shoots first. Luke comes second.

  • Palpatine

    What about Greedo?

  • Speaking of crying. Would you fancy a can game of Worms?

  • I think it’s obvious.

  • tOmy`

    They have sex on his dead body?

  • Palpatine

    I was about to say that.

  • tOmy`

    And then I do.

  • Palpatine

    Over the thing he loved the most: his ship.

  • Damn. Bad timing again . I’m lying on the couch watching tellie.

  • Andrew

    I don’t understand who these videos are for? Who is the intended demographic? Star Wars fans that want to feel superior to other Star Wars fans? This particular video comes off as very mean-spirited.

  • Like Icare
  • I guess their focus testing didn’t pick that problem up this time.

  • tOmy`

    I know it is a very smug thing to say, but there is a certain charm in being one of the people who saw this movie as it hit theaters and now just shove through comment section(s), reading the theories, hopes and dreams of fans, while not being able to straight up say “you are so fucking wrong” and / or “you don’t even know how right you are”.

    So yea, sorry, for being smug about it, but I don’t think it ever happened to me before. Nerds.

  • Marvin Falz

    His Pshi. (I’m so sorry, I have desecrated the Millenium Falcon.)

  • I don’t care because I don’t care about Star Wars. I care about STAR TREK.
    Oh wait.

  • BOORING. GET YOUR ASS TO STEAM.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    His hips. That could be true.

  • Palpatine

    That makes you an even bigger neeeeeeeerd than the rest of us on here.

  • tOmy`

    That would be a valid statement if Lin didn’t direct the new one. Now everyone is a nerd and Star Trek fans are jocks in those sand buggies, parked in front of the school on the disabled spot.

  • Palpatine

    I think he means classic Star Trek.

  • Like Icare

    I don’t even know what that means.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    How about making fun of the general hype and noone has to feel bad?

  • tOmy`

    It’s “mental / physical disability.”

  • Marvin Falz

    I kinda envy you, cause I want to know how right and wrong Mike and Rich are with their predictions.

  • CAPS LOCK CAUSES POLIO.

  • Palpatine

    They’re making fun of the people who are hyping the movie up, I think.

  • tOmy`

    This is the internet. Someone has to feel bad.

    And if he doesn’t, well, better make him.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Oh, that makes me feel bad.

  • Like Icare

    That’s what they do. They make art until someone cries.

  • Palpatine

    *fart

  • Like Icare

    That’s more of a thing within a thing of the whole art thing thing.

  • tOmy`

    Great. Now tell me who are you voting for so I can crush your political ideals like the ethnicity you are!

  • tOmy`

    I actually watched that episode again today. It’s fun to have a chance to call them frauds, because it was indeed Jakku.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    The Nazis have a sensible environmental policy.

  • tOmy`

    … speaking of crying.

  • tOmy`

    You are so gay.

  • Marvin Falz

    Hmm, I guess, I’ll trust them never again.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Innocent until proven guiltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

  • tOmy`

    Anyway, looking back at the comments on this webmedium.zone, a lot of people pretty much reviewed this movie weeks before it even got out.

    I think it will all come down to everyone’s personal opinion and taste when it comes to Star Wars product.

    I mean movie.

  • Like Icare
  • dollar store cashier wife

    “Anyway, looking back at the comments on thiswebmedium.zone, a lot of people pretty much reviewed this movie weeks before it even got out”

    Of course they did. Now where’s my medal?

  • Marvin Falz

    If you know J.J. you know how the movie’s going to be.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Sadly.

  • Was that cum coming out of that vat at 0:58? I imagine someone has to produce those babies.

    Why does the stork look like a bald eagle?

    What is the black goo?

  • tOmy`

    Yes and no.

    Then again, I don’t know much about JJ, but it wasn’t exactly as I predicted it to be (again, might be the lack of my knowledge of the man… I mean we met couple of times, made out, but except that, he only put his penis into my jockbox.)

  • tOmy`

    Redheads are so bangable.

  • Tru dat. But at this point, I’ll take any head.

    Huh?

  • Palpatine

    That looks embarrassing.

  • Palpatine

    Truer words have never been spoken.

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh my, makes it sound like JJ is the new George Lucas.

  • tOmy`

    He too put his pennys into my jockbox so I could sing him the cheer of our people.

  • RLMkeepitup

    micro-aggressions often slip right through the cracks

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Plinkett warned that it not being Tatooine was going to annoy him, just like the planetoid from Prometheus was not LV-426

  • RLMkeepitup

    I have to watch this movie in 5 hrs. My friend is already there and says there’s ropes (for that genuine disney experience) and lists of things you can/can’t wear or do.

  • Like Icare

    Actually I find it very “insta-cute”. And apparently other humans on youtube love it.

    But I just can’t wait for someone to “realize” that it is a story about modern world foregoing on baby production in order to make money while that single young female is shown endangering babies… and then that grab-arm grabs her ass.
    Come oooon, crazy person, old buddy. Don’t let me down.

  • So, how does one abort the ‘baby’ (see, it’s convenient for pro-lifers, I can’t even say foetus because those are clearly children in the moopie)? Does one shoot the stork mid-air?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I actually think they are making fun of themselves. I have the feeling that Mike in particular is very much looking forward to TFA.

  • Like Icare

    They tie you up? But what if someone needs to go and take a leak?

  • Like Icare

    It would certainly help.

  • tOmy`

    So let me guess:
    – Wearing a Sith robe with a mask on = possible
    – Wearing a burka = jail

  • Commander X

    There’s even more Star Wars merchandise to be chronicles, at the Scarfolk Council blog, For those unfamiliar with the blog, created by Richard Littler, it’s devoted to cultural artifacts from a certain UK town.

    Scarfolk is a town in North West England that did not progress
    beyond 1979. Instead, the entire decade of the 1970s loops ad infinitum. Here in
    Scarfolk, pagan rituals blend seamlessly with science; hauntology is a
    compulsory subject at school, and everyone must be in bed by 8pm because they
    are perpetually running a slight fever.

    And of course some of Scarfolk’s medical establishment tried to cash in on that Star Wars trend.

    http://scarfolk.blogspot.com/2015/12/unreleased-star-wars-merchandise.html

    The same town that brought you the “Don’t” campaign:

    http://scarfolk.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-dont-campaign-and-kak-1973.html

    The I-Spy Surveillance Books for children:

    http://scarfolk.blogspot.com/2015/11/i-spy-surveillance-books.html

    and was the center of activity for the Infant Liberation Front

    http://www.scarfolk.blogspot.com/2015/08/the-infant-liberation-front-colouring.html

  • From the trailer I can see lots of trigger warnings. She is a low level employee who is under a cis-gender patriarchal, authoritative male avian boss. The creators portray the woman as cute but inept at her work, implying that all women are stupid. This is patriarchal filth.

  • These Muslim women really need to stop making fun of the Tshi traditions.

  • RLMkeepitup

    They’re not inside yet. I guess an hour early I’ll get there. I should bring a stress ball and sit near an exit.

  • Domo

    Right now I think you’re being a smug asshole.

    In a few hours, after watching the movie, lets be smug assholes together!

  • If you’re assholes, does that mean you’re talking shit or just farting?

  • You know what the twist is? I actually believe that. DUN-DUN-DUN

  • Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.

  • Like Icare

    And the next level of retarded is… Reddit banning people who spoil Star Wars AND the existence of “a browser extension that blocks Star Wars key words”.
    Someone sat down and made that. No wonder IT jobs are being outsourced to India.

    https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/3x0il0/psa_there_are_already_people_purposefully/

  • Cream-A-Thon

    You’re still gonna open carry, right? ‘Murica!

  • Trask

    The only thing that stops a bad guy with a blaster is a good guy with a blaster.

  • RLMkeepitup

    disquss is so advanced this site doesn’t need moderation *nods skeptically*

  • tOmy`

    There is a similar extension for Kardashians and Trump.

  • tOmy`

    Have fun, Dom!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Don’t Tread On (Pad)Me

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Awww. I already hate all of you 😀

  • Commander X

    Disqus is so advanced I wouldn’t even get banned for spoiling the fact that Chewbacca is ritually sacrificed to the evil Lords of the Lazergrid in “War in Space: The Fellowship of Light Rises!”

    You may remember the Lazergrid from the 1982 franchise entry “War in Space VI: Psychomaniac Lazer Lords on Wheels”. You remember, the one where Han Solo and Lucas Skyflitter teamed up with Ambassador Spock and Col. Wilma Deering to take on the Lazer Lords biker gang.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “Bloody Cardi’s…”

  • fred

    oh so it was already there.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, what you are saying is, that if someone posts a synopsis of Star Wars ’77, they get banned? That’s fucked up.

  • tOmy`

    “Star Wars porn sales have rocketed 500%”

    So the Force isn’t the only thing awakening…

  • tOmy`

    Make sure to check AVC discussions after you see it. It’s a great read.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    More than “fully operational”.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The Force has morning wood.

  • Michael Collins

    I’m going to see this moopie next Tuesday, but I have to be honest when I tell you..

    I’ve got a bad feeling about this!

  • RLMkeepitup

    this is the time of year when santa is watching

  • tOmy`

    Well, all I can add is may the Force be with you.

  • Michael Collins

    This reminds me of the episode when Data had sex with Tasha Yar, and the whole crew seemed to get drunk..

  • Trask

    Speaking of Star Wars, Richard Harris really is a far better Dumbledore than Michael Gambon.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2s2tmAdjcA

  • Like Icare

    Who could forget Wilma indeed.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You too are going to make Star Trek references? What is it with “Mikes”?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    You know I read AV club like once every 6months or so? I’m not actually an active lurker there.

  • Like Icare

    He IS fully functional and anatomically correct.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odHivt77qkk

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It’s First Jason for me all the way.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxLZ2XPI2yc

  • Hedgecore

    I’m just so tired of all these Rich Evans.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1gETzaqD9I

  • Is Disney paying people to raise all that hysteria? What the fuck is wrong with people? It’s just a movie about revenge and giant blue lasers.

  • Trask

    I pegged you more as a Rudolf Klein Rogge guy.

  • RLMkeepitup

    lol at the man who said I got it, and I like it. One time I tried to order a medium and it was more expensive than the large. Value !!

  • RLMkeepitup

    hysteria is always there, it just needs that spark. For me it’s when there’s no new videos after 7 days.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I suddenly feel peaceful, thank you!

  • Like Icare
  • VvdD

    Just saw Star Wars, didn’t like it much. If they are bothered by the same thing I was bothered by, we might be in for a fun Half in the Bag.

  • VvdD

    Also saw the movie, and I’m not enjoying not being able to talk about it. I didn’t like it much though, so maybe that’s why I want to be able to talk about it.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    You know, when my mother, who is 80 years old and has never been interested in pop culture one iota, says to me, “Boy, the hype for the Star Wars movie is sure annoying,” then you know the sh!t has gone overboard.

    Maybe if they really had something special, they wouldn’t have to try so fyucking hard?

    I said, “Maybe.”

  • Palpatine

    Despite the fact that I’m looking forward to seeing it, even I’ll admit that the hype is annoying.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I can’t wait for my Star Wars lightsaber catheter! 😀

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    7:10

    Jay’s name is above Rich Evans’. I laughed out loud.

  • VvdD

    Agreed, Micheal Gambon’s first “Welcome to Hogwarts”, sounded like Jeremy Clarkson when he’s doing his American accent. It was weird.

  • VvdD

    I’ve seen it, and all I can tell you is, steel yourself.

  • VvdD

    I always thought as a sign of courtesy, you put your own name last. Assuming Rich wrote the credits.

    If not, it’s just Mike that wrote the credits.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That was Jay? I can’t believe he was right in Plainview!

    Ba-dum-tsss

  • VvdD

    I feel they are making it for people like me. People that grew up with Star Wars, loved it, but that have slowly become more and more cynical about the franchise as a whole and are interested in TFA, but expect it to be pretty disappointing. Also we kind of find the whole media circus ridiculous, hence they are making fun of it.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    You’re gonna be real disappointed, bubbula. There’s no way you’re gonna be pissing blue when you’re 80.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    If it doesn’t make $400 million dollars this weekend, are they gonna be disappointed?

    Wealthy people and their money troubles, amirite?

  • Sully

    It’s stylistically designed to be that way.

  • tOmy`

    Yes. This. With a dash of frustration.

  • James Earl Jones

    *SIGH*
    Yeah…..

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Just got back from Star Wars: The Merchandise Awakens.
    I think Mike and rich put it best.
    “Meh, it was good.”
    It is clearly the 4th best starwars movie ever made.
    But fuck me was it struggling under the weight of “It Rhymes its like poetry”
    Was it just me or is this movie literally A New Hope with more ACCCCTION and SPPPPLOSIONS. almost every single bit of it is from New Hope. the should have just called Jackyou Tatooine and not pretended they were doing new things.
    but I was never got bored and only groaned at two bits that are obvious video game Tie-in’s. the action was cool as, I liked the people… but the Grand CGI Palpy corpse Snoke is shit.
    4 out of 5

  • Trask

    I fully get where you are coming from. I liked it, mostly based on the first 45min or so, but the more I think about it, the less I like it. It was too much hope 2.0.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Exactly!

  • VvdD

    Yeah I can see how you liked the first 45, it was actually the most original part of the movie. The escape scene was pretty neat. but overall just disappointing they played it so safe.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Given all the original blasters in star wars were functioning guns, and a lot of people make firing replicas some restrictions should apply.
    No matter how much fun it would have been there is no way I would ever take this to a cinema.

    https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-O6s1ZxljKEA/VeMmC9GIuyI/AAAAAAAABxQ/01TX107HeXo/w892-h553-no/e11.jpg

  • VvdD

    I was actually thinking the same thing when I left the theater, they really used every notable scene/setting from the original trilogy, mostly the first two. So they would have to really dig deep if they want to keep doing this in the next two movies. I just want them to make the same quality movie, but ditch the baggage. Tell a fresh story, with the new characters.

  • VvdD

    In this case, it probably really is.

  • tOmy`

    I wouldn’t go as far as saying the first 45 minutes were original. Except the exposition start, it very quickly became New Hope. The moment BB-8 gets introduced is the moment when it dawned on me.

    Can’t say I had much fun from there on, but I did enjoy the “climax”.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’ve been saying that since 1997.

  • VvdD

    It’s not really original, but at least I didn’t feel like they were directly reminding me of a scene. The interaction between Fin and Poe (was that his name?) was actually one of the few believable relationships. It kind of worked. Of course I might have been biased then, because I wasn’t hit over the head with callback after callback.

    The whole ordeal left me completely emotionless, there where scenes towards the end where I was supposed to be engaged in the characters drama, yet I felt absolutely nothing, because everything felt so fabricated.

    Climax was neat, although I felt it could have just as well be the beginning of the next movie, if that’s what you mean.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    the first 5 minutes were original then it is literally new hope.

  • tOmy`

    As per the previous posts, here is my spoiler-free quick cut review:

    I vaguely remember saying that the new SW is gonna be an exciting and fun action movie with Star Wars stuff in it. So as not to repeat what has been already said (and to make it short), I have to honestly say I was bit disappointed by the action and half of the movie bored me. Not because it is boring in a usual sense; it was just boring because you saw the goddamn movie already, anticipated almost every beat and knew that this has already been done much better.

    And that is why I call disappointment – not because I hated the movie, but because even with almost no expectations for what I thought is gonna be an action sci-fy blockbuster, I wasn’t even excited or that much interested.

    Plus a lot of cool ideas got glossed over.

    Thumbs up for Rey and Kylo. (The character reviews vary a lot in different posts tbh.)

    6/10 but I guess I would recommend. I am looking forward to properly discussing the movie, but let’s keep it spoiler free for now.

  • VvdD

    Yeah you are right, the moment that guy gets captured it’s the start of a New Hope.

  • tOmy`

    That opening shot was pretty darn good, tho!

  • VvdD

    Yes, it was! But of course it was a nod to the opening of a New Hope.. Although if that was one of the few nods, it would have been perfect.

  • tOmy`

    We left the cinema in confused silence – and so did a big part of the audience, at least from what I can tell.

    The excitement during the opening quickly faded out and towards the end, whole theater delivered a perfect version of awkward applause.

  • Joshua Burns

    So Finn’s storyline was a carbon copy of…who in the original films?

  • tOmy`

    Or if the nods were actually done in the creative way – you see, this was the perfect example of “you’ve seen this before, but let’s put a creative spin on it” case. I don’t recall many similar moments.

  • VvdD

    Was there an after credits scene? I just stood up and left the moment the credits rolled. I was silent along the way until about 15 minutes later, when I just started ranting about what bothered me haha.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Mark Hamill gave the best performance in the whole movie.

  • tOmy`

    C3PO.

  • VvdD

    Exactly.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    C3-P0.

  • tOmy`

    Nope, JJ that said there is none, so we sorta left in hurry to grab few beers.

  • VvdD

    It doesn’t exactly work like that, they just take random scenes from the original trilogy, and place these characters in them. I can’t really explain without spoiling. Finn has an original background story, but the things he goes through correspond exactly with what some characters do/go through in the original Star Wars Trilogy, but not necessarily one of them.

  • Palpatine

    Well said.

  • Joshua Burns

    Spoiler free review:

    Originality is seriously underplayed by most of these posts. Finn’s character was completely new and original.

    The whole ‘it rhymes…like poetry’ shit was a lot better in this than the previous 3 turds. It had iconic moments, which is more than what any of the trailers leading up to watching it have a hope of capturing (here’s looking at you S V B, Warhammer, Alice In Wonderland 2).

    Kylo Ren was impressive as Darth Bane.

  • VvdD

    If he could hold hands and run away with people 😉

  • tOmy`

    People say the action was good… I am not sure. The X-Wing stuff wasn’t that exciting and pretty much tensionless, and when it comes to the ground combat, it felt really confusing and incoherent. In this department, I really expected more from JJ.

    It almost felt like he tuned it down a notch or two… which is just odd.

    The lightsaber fight is where he came true and nailed the middleground between OT duels and Prequel choreographed skating.

  • VvdD

    Good for you!

  • Joshua Burns

    ? He reflects the light in the Dark Side…a complete inverse of the original thematic storyline. That’s not copy, that’s developed.

  • tOmy`

    While Finn was pretty much new and original (well, all the characters basically were, sorta…), they absolutely forgot to do anything interesting with his backstory. His arc was fast, consequence-free and just very, very basic.

    Plus his character’s behavior didn’t exactly reflected the character’s story – as not to spoil it, I am vaguely expressing that a person in such position and with such burden becomes funny, quirky nerd within 4 hours.

  • Palpatine

    Seriously?

  • tOmy`

    I try to look at it as a “prequel” or more of an “origin story” to the next two movies.

    Maybe JJ just wanted to set the pieces and now it’s time to do something more original (afteral, he can’t exactly copy Empire, as we already “had” two scenes from Empire in this movie.)

    That could also possibly mean that it’s time for Ewoks.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I did love that. because it was cool and because it inverts the sci fi trope of magic lights in space to illuminate things.

  • Joshua Burns

    I hear what you’re saying. But it is still leaning heavily on romantic tropes. A grittier, realistic version may have tugged a little too hard on the intensity rating, especially if they want to keep it fun and not a Snyder film.

    Besides, Ren himself was a bad tempered teen brat, but one that SHOULD have been pulled off in the prequels…Hayden can eat a dick.

    Kylo was fantastic, and understated too. Mask on and off is new. He was a great actor that guy and even his Banerisms were just as good as Bane!

  • tOmy`

    Yea, Kylo was surprisingly fun and interesting.

    Unlike the new version of Dexter Jetster. What was her name? You know, that thing from a movie that Disney would ma-

    Oh. Fuck me.

    Anyway, yea. It’s almost incredible how many things in this movie are just forgettable right after they happen.

  • VvdD

    You are looking at it too much from a character point of view, I was looking at it from a story/location/plot point of view. It’s not about his journey. It’s about the motions they all go through.

    SPOILERS!!!!!!! Read at own risk!

    These are examples of scenes very similar to the original trilogy:

    The escape from an imperial cruiser.
    Looking for Droids on a desert planet.
    Protagonist stuck on desert planet. Is a good pilot that hasn’t ever been in Space, in interested in the Rebel cause.
    The Millenium falcon taking off while being shot at (even done before that with the tie fighter.
    Millenium Falcon being shot at by tie fighter while they escape
    Millenium Falcon flies through tight corridor
    Being tractor beamed into a bigger ship
    Hiding under the floors in the MF.
    Going into a cantina filled with strange aliens and funky music.
    Someone trying to bargain for transport in cantina.

    Yoda light explaining the force.
    The lightsaber touch scene being similar to the cave scene from Empire strikes back
    An ice planet.
    A deathstar with the almost exact same interior
    Escape from deathstar
    Planting bombs so fighters can attack deathstar
    A confrontation between young and old (one dies while protagonist watches helplessly)

    You get the picture?And this is just what I could think of quickly. And I haven’t even mentioned all the one liners that are repeated.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    the bit where the spaceship they had crashed into EVERYTHING! and it didnt get damaged slid towards a cliff… The tension came from “Oh no this is going to go on for 5 more minutes…” rather than any fear of damage.

  • Palpatine

    So it’s better than the Prequels, but not as good as the Originals? I have a feeling I’ll be feeling the same way when I see it tomorrow.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of that Deatheater… Sunkiller… Star… sucker… whatever, what in the name of a fuck was Rey doing there? Like when she was hiding into that thing? What was that thing?

    I am gonna be honest, I stopped paying 100% attention to the movie like 20 minutes before this happened, so I might have missed some riveting scene, but what the fuck was that?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    In my opinion yes. but thats all I can say till you have seen it.

  • tOmy`

    Yes. This.

    As I vaguely said couple of hours ago: It’s exactly what many thought it is, now it all comes down whether you like this approach or not.

    But I think it’s definitely hard to hate it, at least on the Prequel level.

  • Palpatine

    I hope you’re right.

  • tOmy`

    Or that chick. What was her face? Captain Phasma?

    Geeee, what a character.

  • Domo

    Go into it with an open mind. I feel differently than others here do. Just remember most everyone here is a cynical asshole and will find things wrong with the film.

  • Domo

    Tomy, you’re kinda spoiling it a bit.

  • VvdD

    If you mean the opening thing in the “cliff”. That made no sense. She went in there, then later Finn spots her going up what seems like the same “cliff”.

    There is an other issue with one character, you might know who I mean, but this character gets their powers seemingly instantly without any training. This bothered me because these were powers that even the “chosen one” and Luke had to be taught or train for a long time at least.

  • tOmy`

    Really? Was just a remark. But sure, I’ll keep it down.

  • Palpatine

    I’m sure I will. From the sounds of it, the plot sounds just like the one to A New Hope.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    I declare. IT IS fine.

  • tOmy`

    Nope, towards the end on the base.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    So memorable… like when she said.. “Report to my office… For discipline.”
    I may have just imagined better lines for her
    Like.
    “Go fuck yourself trator, shot me!”

  • Domo

    All good.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Then you’re not going to like my comment ether.

  • tOmy`

    I am unusually happy for people liking this. I really am.

    Makes me feel like that the movie is the movie some people wanted to see / it connected with them. And that makes me glad. I am being honest.

  • VvdD

    Yeah, someone else will be directing, so we will at least have a chance things will be different.

  • VvdD

    Yeah I know, at the end in the base she climbs this “wall” and opens some thing, she steps into it. After she escapes from prison. Then we cut to Finn and later he and someone who shall not be named find her climbing the same wall. That is in the end, at the base.

  • Domo

    You both have totally ruined the film for me! I’m gonna cry into my star wars merchandise, now.

  • Trask

    Yes, this. The instant power thing was incredibly annoying and ridiculous.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It is a good movie and I want to see it again and I will buy it on bluray. Its just if you want to talk about a movies flaws you come here. if I just wanted to spam on the bits I loved I would go to a starwars page.
    Also a lot of the good stuff is spoilers so we have to talk generically.

  • Domo

    I went in feeling that the film just needed to be a setup for the franchise. I walked out of the theater wanting to watch future films, and will be glad another director is taking the helm so other things can happen now. That’s all I really wanted. I may be a terrible person for not demanding more, but it got the job done for me. I was content.

  • VvdD

    It also didn’t make any sense that this person even knew this power existed. There was no mention of it, or build up to it. In my head I immediately thought of the Plinkett review where he says “Oh you’ve also read the script” to Amidala. But instead he says “Oh you’ve also seen the original Trilogy” because that is the only way this character could know these powers existed.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    not really but they pay a lot of “Homage” I didnt come here before i saw it for this reason. your forming preconceived ideas based on other peoples opinions. stop reading anything till you have seen it.

  • tOmy`

    In that regard alone, I was sorta satisfied as well. Definitely not a reason to give up on the franchise or anything. I just hope we got the fan service out of the way and now we can focus on “what’s next to explore in this particular universe.”

    And I do look forward to that.

  • Domo

    Yes. I think the fan service for this was like the farts in Thunderpants. You need a lot of them at the beginning, and then the farts trail off so a heartwarming story isn’t weighed down by the gimmick. I’m glad Abrams is only doing one of these.

  • VvdD

    You mean Yoda light?

  • VvdD

    lol

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    This was in the trailer so its not a spoiler but the bit with the millennium falcon and the Tie’s in the junkyard was cool.

  • Joshua Burns

    You’re right! And the time when Han Solo said something punchy and funny and when Chewbacca did his growl thing and when Leia was sassy and when they used light sabers and the blaster sounds were the same and the music was the same and there was a bad guy in a mask and…
    I think you’re looking for similarities in order to judge them. That’s a shame. Much more fun seeing them as cleverly executed throwbacks to genuine cinema. But that’s okay, not everyone will agree in unison.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Spoiler (maybe?)

    It is different, but the key moments are so similar, mate. The key events, at least. And I don’t see that as a simple homage.

  • MovieFan

    “Maybe there are times when mystery is more important than knowledge.” J.J. Abrams

    I think JJ forgot about his mystery box theory rule(s) because he leaves no mystery or room to wonder in this movie.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2488496/board/thread/251642038?d=251642038#251642038

  • Palpatine

    I’ve seen plenty of Prequel fan-edits, but this is undoubtedly the best one:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lDLM-dXP-KE
    It does more than just recut the plot, it’s completely rewritten as well.

  • VvdD

    Sure and it’s great that you actually enjoyed it. Again it is a well produced movie, I just personally did not enjoy a lot of choices they made. And that’s fine, shouldn’t take away anything for anyone else.

    Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to like this movie, badly. But retreading the original movies was not what I was looking for. I was looking for a fresh story, just not as “fresh” as those horrible prequels ;).

  • Django Plimpton

    I just realized how much I actually hate all of you.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    thats fair.

  • Palpatine

    What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?

  • Palpatine

    Good, let the hate flow through you.

  • MovieFan

    “It’s almost incredible how many things in this movie are just forgettable right after they happen.”

    I absolutely agree. (Han’s mistep and Kylo’s identity.) It is shocking.

  • MovieFan

    “You need a teacher!” Kylo Ren (That was awful)

  • MovieFan

    It’s a ship that Rey mastered. She sure has learned a lot in minutes…it puts Solo to shame if you catch my drift.

  • Palpatine

    Well don’t spoil it for me!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Palpy stop reading this shit! go and torture some ewoks.

  • MovieFan

    Not a spoiler. I can’t wait for RLM to review this thing.

  • James Earl Jones

    If you don’t mind me asking, WTF are you doing here reading comments from people who have seen the movie?

  • MovieFan

    Did you see it?

  • James Earl Jones

    Have you felt it?
    (yes.)

  • MovieFan

    Same. It was good, but it had tons of problems.

  • Palpatine

    Not yet.

  • Palpatine

    I got nothing else to do.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    It says the section is closed, mate.

  • MovieFan

    Check later.

    “We’re sorry, this section of IMDb is temporarily unavailable due to important maintenance work. Occasionally we need to close parts of our site, although we do try to keep downtime to a minimum. We apologize for the inconvenience.” IMDB

  • MovieFan

    Try now. It works.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Regarding the pacing, there’s nothing wrong with Abrams “fast-paced action” style. But was it just me or when he did slow things down, the issues were already resolved or useless/predictible (like Kylo’s lightsaber…)?

  • MovieFan

    Unbelievably predictable. Where’s the mystery or wonder?

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    The pacing was really good overall. I wouldn’t change that. Just the pacing map.

    My criticism goes to his decisions of what he would show slowly.

  • MovieFan

    They really milked the last shot.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Yeah, kind of a funny bad moment. For some reason, now that I remember it, it reminds me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KyBdPeKHg

    Finn story/motives was something that should’ve been milked. But I liked the character enough to ignore that.

  • OMNI

    To serve Man…

  • MovieFan

    Hahahaha my theory was that he is cross eyed and has glaucoma, hence why that shot took forever.

  • Noah R.

    Just got back from The Force Awakens. Hate to say it, but I wasn’t impressed at all. The score was weak, the story was absolutely boring, the CONSTANT nodding to the OT was tiresome, and overall the movie was just… well… average.

    As a matter of fact, all it makes me want to do is rewatch the OT this weekend- I think I’ll do just that to cleanse my spirit!

  • Noah R.

    Totally agree.

  • Noah R.

    I’m risking getting stoned by this entire webzone but I’ll say it anyway. I would rather watch RotS than this movie again.

    RotS is a pretty mediocre movie at best. However, it didn’t make me mad. TFA made me mad.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Def agree on the score and story. I didn’t find the movie boring though it makes me rethink my criticism of Lucas in that at least phantom menace introduced a lot of new ‘stuff’ we hadn’t seen. But like phantom menace there’s stuff that coulda been left out or fleshed out better in this. There maybe enough for plinkett to come outta retirement on this one.

  • Noah R.

    I think he very well could come out of retirement for this movie.

    Regarding the Phantom Menace and the prequels as a whole, I agree. People give him shit for “it’s like poetry, it rhymes” and his general attitude in that sense. However, at least the man put some thought into new and original ideas in those movies. The Force Awakens hardly felt new at all, everything was so, so similar.

    Rather try and fail than not try at all. TFA feels like it wasn’t trying unfortunately.

  • RLMkeepitup

    its pretty true stuff was spelled out fairly quickly

  • fred

    This was the first game ever played.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOdgtCemWj8

  • RLMkeepitup

    first and last

  • Jegsimmons

    Spoiler, The Force Awakens is fucking terrible. im not kidding, its fucking awful.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Palpy, why is does your master have your haircut? Why is he here and you aren’t? We miss you Palpy.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    I got chewed out for saying the same thing yesterday. Repeat themes. Repeat tones. Profit.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    RoTs had Palpy having a blast. Clearly, it is better just because of those scenes.

  • Wind Tunnel

    Spoiler free… The closest analogy would be a really good cover band going into an analog studio and recording an old Stones album. Sounded like the classic– nice to hear the old songs– but heard it all before by the original band.

  • Like Icare

    But have you felt it?

  • OMNI

    Speak English or die…

  • Johnnynylonex

    SLIGHTLY SPOILERY REVIEW BELOW

    The new Star Wars is awesome until it drifts into jumbled over-replication. Then everything but the main characters becomes kind of stupid and artificial. It’s good but disappointing in that it could have been better.

    JJ should have just stuck to the pros of the first half of the movie which felt both fresh and Star Wars-y. The three new heroes, the quest for the macguffin, and the mystery of the new villain were all fairly well-tied together by the heroes of the original series (who thankfully all come off as believable in age and action). The first half was kicking ass but then JJ raised the stakes to level stupid in an effort to repeat the iconic ending scenes of New Hope.

    The unnecessary and unbelievable replications in the second half threaten to overshadow the strengths of the first. The big actions have no time to take on the gravitas that they had in New Hope (I started checking my watch during the 2nd and third big space battles). While the strength and might of the Empire made sense in New Hope (after all it was the Empire and controlled the majority of the resources); the villainous organization in Force Awakens is fucking ridiculous (honestly who let the First Order have the time, materials and manpower to do what they did?). In general things that took two movies to create seemingly took no time at all in this movie (like a certain character’s force powers though maybe that will be explained…) which, like the over-used lightsaber in the prequels, renders them meaningless.

    It’s still worth seeing the new movie. It’s just too bad that the second half pulls you out of the original universe and into a pale imitation with its rushed and unnatural attempt to mimic every major element of New Hope. I can’t believe the critics are praising JJ for doing this. If he’d just had the courage to stick with his plot, use a bit more mystery and slow the fuck down (he’s got a trilogy to do those reveals and build new super weapons) this could have been great. FA was enjoyable and I do want to watch the story of the two main characters. I just wish JJ’s desperation to copy the original series had followed Empire Strikes Back and left out the goddamn super weapon plot.

  • NicCagesHair

    Well I’m back for this.

    The Force Awakens is exactly what I thought it would be. A solid, well made but completely disposable movie. Not amazing but not prequel level.

    I thought the movie’s main struggle was trying to balance being the first part of a trilogy with being it’s own blockbuster. The main thrust of the first half is kind of thrown to the side because “Oh well we need a big finale for this movie.” only to go right back to it the moment the main plot is resolved.

    I also thought the movie needed some room to breath. It was very JJ Abrams:Constantly in motion, lots people running around, good use of humor but they were missed those Luke staring on the sand dune type moments. They needed some more good character beats in the first half to really flesh this out because half way through I felt that movie was entertaining but ultimately hollow.

    Oh and in that First Order speech scene that actor was schmacting up a storm.

    Now I’m looking forward to seeing The Hateful Eight in 70MM even if I have to drive an hour and half to the nearest theater showing it.

  • OMNI

    In all truth, I can wait to see TFA. After watching the trailers, the experience is already spoiled for me mainly because of the sound effects, they just sound weak. I also tried to like the new Star Trek trailer, which I liked better than the TFA trailer, but I’m still underwhelmed. Do I really want to shell out $15.00 for these remakes? No not really.
    I’m sure one of my friends will drag me out to see TFA in the next couple of weeks.

  • OMNI

    Hateful 8 is direct to Netflux..

  • OMNI

    Two words, Gary Kurtz. He was truly the essence of Star Wars.

  • NicCagesHair

    It is, without a doubt, the loudest Star Wars movie.

  • OMNI

    Wow, louder than Empire? I mean the whole movie isn’t loud, but when its loud its really fucking loud.

  • NicCagesHair

    Maybe it’s because it’s more constant unlike Empire which has that whole character development bullshit in the middle.

  • OMNI

    I’m glad I was 7 when Star Wars came out in 1977, It was neat watching the lightning strike. It was so new then everybody appreciated the Art and hard work that went into making Star Wars. I remember getting the Art of Star Wars book and just staring at Ralph McQuarrie’s art and wondering why the best art was left out. Then there was the coffee table sized Marvel comic that expanded on it a little and of course the MAD magazine Star Wars issue, fucking good times!

  • OMNI

    You mean the good parts.

  • NicCagesHair

    But I thought explosions and quips=good? Right?

  • OMNI

    Yes when they are used sparingly for effect, like the scene of the farm after being destroyed, that was hardcore back then especially for little seven year old OMNI..

  • OMNI

    JJ sounds like a pseudo hack-fraud.

  • NicCagesHair

    Pretty sure that wasn’t even an explosion, just some plastic skeletons they charred up and a smoke machine. It really should have been a 45 minute fight to the death with Uncle Owin saying “You’ll pry this farm from my cold death hands” before ripping a stormtrooper’s throat out with his fists then having Auntie whats-her-name throw him a Gatling laser-gun and say “Moisture farm this!!!!!!”

  • Saw it! Chewie confirmed for rape. A guy almost jumped me when I was talking to someone at the front of the line. They had been there since 7am. I got there an hour early and had a great seat. Poor suckers.

  • NicCagesHair

    Yeah that Luke, Chewie, and Han mud-wrestling match really came out of nowhere.

  • Spoiled Ants

    You hacks should’ve shown only the back of Darth Evans doing his ForceJerk™.
    It’s called subtitly..subbletea…oh whatever.

  • Johnnynylonex

    Very apt. Totally agree

  • NicCagesHair

    Possible spoiler below(nothing that major)

    One more thing about TFA: They essentially blew up the prequel universe when they fired the mega death star right? Wasn’t that Corcusant or whatever it’s called. If so, it was the best choice in the movie.

  • Marvin Falz

    Fuck yeah!

  • SPOOOOOIIIILLLEEERRS (kinda):

    Well. I thought the first half was some of the most fun I’ve had at the movies in quite some time. Like many, I felt the second half was very rushed. Barely focused on the superweapon blowing up which kinda wasn’t necessary to begin with, but I guess it gave an excuse to keep the rushed pace.

    The movie sort of blurred by for me after big spoilery spoiler thing happened (anyone else feel that way). Like I knew (thanks spoilers) that it was going to happen, but it still was fairly poignant when it did.

    The whole Death Star thing was definitely the worst thing about the movie. That being said, I refuse to be too harsh. I didn’t hate all the callbacks as much as some, because I thought they were mainly cleverly done. Again, the Starkiller base was the worst of them.

    I consider myself to be as harsh a critic of the prequels as anybody, and I have to say I thought this was comfortably between the OT and prequels in terms of quality. There were elements I absolutely loved. The acting and humor was pretty great. I really did enjoy the little in-jokes and references, because I didn’t see them as lazy. They occur pretty naturally, at least I thought so. Again definitely could’ve slowed down in a few spots.

    I would certainly describe it as a roller coaster of emotions that doesn’t quite end as strongly as I’d hoped. BUT while I did enjoy elements JJ brought to the table, I am now actually a little relieved that other directors get to have their shot to continue it.

    Other little tidbits: I found myself thinking “man, Kylo is kind of a little bitch.” Then when Han says “he has too much Vader in him” it made him seem a little more like young Anakin, which actually made that bitchiness ok and fitting in my mind. Plus Luke was whiny as crap as well, so it kinda follows the Skywalker bloodline in that way. I liked all the new characters for the most part. Ridley and Boyega were better than I expected, which was refreshing. The action was top-notch. The effects were seamless. The practical and CGI effects blended very, very well together. I don’t see them aging like the prequels did. When you hold it up to other modern movies of it’s genre/type, I would still call it an impressive film. I was blown away at times.

    I will be seeing it again tomorrow, so I’m hoping it gets better rather than worse the second time around. It is far from a perfect movie. But much further from a bad movie. It didn’t fully capture the simplicity of the original trilogy, but there were certainly traces throughout of getting back to what made the OT great (not talking about the callbacks here). The one thing I can say with authority is it was a lot of fun, particularly in a packed theater, and that’s all I wanted.

  • Marvin Falz

    The MAD magazine Star Wars issue from approximately 1986 (in Germany) was my first ever MAD magazine I’ve bought. And I get what you’re saying, while you could really appreciate the artwork (and still can), there’s not much to appreciate nowadays.

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    I liked it! the worst part was overly-expository dialogue.

  • TLDR: Far from perfect, further from a bad film. Still worth the price of admission and MOST of the hype. It is most certainly better than any prequel movie, but I have a very hard time saying it’s as good as any of the OT. And that’s totally fine.

  • NicCagesHair

    TFA made me think of something I heard about storytelling/script-writing from one of the South Park guys(forget which one). The idea you should never say “And then this happens” you should say “This happens because of this”.

    In Star Wars the entire movie builds up to the trench run because the empire has the death star and is going to use it. In TFA the movie is building toward finding Luke and then the Empire just happens to have Death Star they want to use. This leads to the disjointed second half.

  • If you removed The Starkiller base, this film would’ve probably been perfect in all honesty.

  • NicCagesHair

    I actually liked that it was a smaller(relatively) movie in the beginning. It felt like the start of an adventure leading to something bigger. The scene with the gangsters/Han was a nice little self contained adventure that could’ve been in any of JJ’s Star Trek movies. Now I feel there has to be a large time jump otherwise any big set piece won’t make sense.

  • Percy Gryce

    La, la, la, la [covers eyes].

    I’m not reading this webzone until I see The Fierce a’ Baconbits, but I had to share this excellent tweet:

    https://twitter.com/KurtSchlichter/status/676093965502820352/photo/1

  • I enjoyed the first half a ton. But there’s a good reason the Kenobi death took place when it did in a New Hope, wheras in TFA its “counterpart” scene happens way too close to the end and conflicts too heavily with the attack itself. However, it is different from a New Hope in that we care more about what’s going on with Han, Chewie, Rey and Finn than with Po Dameron, who the movie isn’t about anyway. So while it’s easy to hate that conflict at the end, I can understand why the trench run was more played down this time. My final thought is maybe we got through some of the things that were accomplished over the course of the OT because they’re going to stray further from them in the sequels. If that ends up being the case, I think it’ll be easy to forgive the rushed ending.

  • A rotten tomatoes review pretty aptly sums it up in my opinion. “The best disappointing movie ever.” As opposed to Phantom Menace, the worst dissapointing movie ever.

  • Notna

    Corooskant.

  • Johnnynylonex

    yeah pretty much. though the sudden gain of legendary force powers need some explaining, but otherwise yup

  • tOmy`

    I think the first time when the movie started to feel disjointed for me was the Guardians of the Galaxy moment between Poor Old Harrison, two smuggling factions and the Cthulhu monsters.

    That was just plain weird.

  • tOmy`

    Ha. As I mentioned above, that one felt out of place.

    Anyway, I didn’t mind Starkiller that much, but we sure could do without someone explaining: “Remember Death Star? Yea, but much bigerer and deadliererere! And here is a hologram. So you get it. Get it? Remember Star Wars?”

    That felt like a stab at the audience a bit.

  • tOmy`

    That was my thinking as well, but they didn’t mention the name of the planet but the whole system. So I don’t know.

  • tOmy`

    Fine, so since we got this out of the way, can we please finally talk about The Huntsman: The Evil Queen vs. The Ice Queen?

  • tOmy`

    Yea, the score was indeed odd. I liked that they brought back some of the OT themes, but that was about it. Really can’t say that Williams impressed me. I kinda missed the tension building music.

  • tOmy`

    Yep, exactly that. What the fuck did she open? What was that thing?

    It felt like they cut out something from the movie.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, I think we saw this at the Manhole.

    It is still pretty painful tho.

  • tOmy`

    I usually take break when they reach Dagobah and come back when they fight with thwords.

  • tOmy`

    But “brevity is the soul of a wit!”

    Someone said that right before Wounded Knee as far as I remember.

  • tOmy`

    I had a slight problem with jokes; it didn’t feel like they were the kind of “characters being witty, funny”, but “hey, you, in the audience, remember this?”.

    A lot of it didn’t feel too natural. To put it simply: Characters themselves wouldn’t laugh. I think I laughed like twice, maybe three times.

    I did laugh a lot in other instances, but not because of jokes.

  • Milton Dammers

    I don’t know about you guys, but I’m so excited… I can barely wait!

    It’s almost time for FUCK YOU IT’S JANUARYMAS! I can’t wait to see what Father Fuckyou will bring us this year!

  • caye74

    Yeah, it felt completely out of space … What did you think about Rey mastering the force and light sabre within couple of minutes of trying?

    At least it seemed Finn had access to something similar during the training, but lost the fight with Ren pretty quickly

  • J.R.

    SW TFA was both regular/Poor. I need to hear a review from Redlettermedia but not from you guys, we need a Plinkett intervention right now!

  • tOmy`

    I would have a problem with it, but:

    It gave us two badass scenes. And very Star Wars scenes. Very true Force scenes. So I am OKay with that. Sure, it is kinda stupid and rushed, but if the whole movie was like this, I would be happier. It was exactly what I was expecting from it.

  • caye74

    True, my missus almost left the projection because of loudness, I though maybe they turned it up too much in our cinema, but obviously it’s not the case

  • tOmy`

    It was absolutely fine for me.

    But I do listen to dubstep on regular basis.

  • Hwit.

  • Yawn. Anything interesting going on?

  • tOmy`

    I like Jessica Jones TV show very much. It’s pretty great.

    Also, this: Madonna dismisses claims Sean Penn abused her as ‘reckless and false’

  • tOmy`

    Oh, and Rogue One is hitting theaters next year. Wanna talk about it?

  • caye74

    I am kinda in a strange place, I rather liked it, but more in a generic summer blockbuster way, strangely satisfied and disappointed at the same time. Then again, I wanted to see it again, so they got something right, maybe I am too shallow, lol

  • tOmy`

    Nah, it was a fine movie. My personal disappointment stems from the fact that even when going in with almost no expectations, I was still kinda bored.

    It ain’t bad movie, it’s really up to personal preferences of people. It will be divisive, I am sure about it, but I am fine people liking it. I get it.

    The only thing I don’t get is people totally hating it or finding it flawless. It really doesn’t deserve a hyperbole (at least from my point of view).

  • joer_40

    Star Wars the force awakens is just downright hallow and soulless

  • Bubs

    I’d like it better if she weren’t such a shallow slut. But otherwise pretty good.

    #SlutShaming

  • Bubs

    Here’s a picture of the Star Wars franchise over the next 10 years. http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/multimedia/archive/00317/109885981_317265c.jpg

  • Bubs

    Old Saint Hack came to my house early this year. He brought me a reboot.. a sequel… a remake… another reboot… another remake… a pre-boot (whatever that is) and a … re-imagining? God fuck us, everyone!

  • Needs more hoses attached to the cow to be a realistic depiction.

  • Bubs

    True… maybe this is a better depiction:

    http://www.artofvfx.com/DAYBREAKERS/DAYBREAKERS_ITW_VFX_03A.jpg

  • Like Icare

    Those landfills won’t get filled by themselves… Someone has to provide those processed petrochemicals that will be shoveled in there.
    After they were extracted from the ground elsewhere, processed with more petrochemical-derived energy and materials, transported around using petrochemicals and ultimately buried back into the ground.

    It’s like a ring. It goes round and around and that’s why it is brilliant and like poetry.

  • “There are fields, endless fields…”

  • Bubs

    I submit to you all that Ethan Hawke is the worst A-List actor still working in Hollywood. He does not give good performances, he merely has good movies thrust upon him. For references, see “Gattaca” and “Training Day”. Two great movies where he plays “man”.

  • Yawn. What about the new Quentin Tarantino movie, The Ridiculous 6. I hear it has Quentin’s regulars Steve Buschemi and Harvey Keitel and an old Coen brothers favourite John Tuturro.

  • Like Icare

    Funny thing I found out while watching Contagion is that Kate Winslet and I have a similar handwriting.

    http://www.dvdizzy.com/images/c/contagion-02.jpg

  • dollar store cashier wife

    who cares about that? references! callbacks! fan service! That’s all you need to make a 10/10 movie nowdays.

  • RLMkeepitup

    go see it already and report back!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Can we start our spoiler filled TFA rants now? I’ve just seen the moopie and it was merely serviceable-you can cover it’s pro’s within two sentences but describing it’s con’s will take paragraphs.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I think we already started. One of my peeves was how convenient a lot of things were, especially how fast the female character knows everything in this one and several characters go up against trained assasins/pilots and end up not getting offed in like 3 seconds.. There was too many comedy moments instead of cool moments but I did laugh for most of em.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t what’s worse the script or Jar Jar Abrams direction. My favorite scene of the film is probably Solo’s standoff with Ben on the bridge. It was the first time up to that point where I feel like I was allowed to catch my breath as a scene would not be chopped up for the ADHD audience.

  • RLMkeepitup

    to clarify in New Hope Luke asks ‘whats that flashing thing’ in the falcon. Luke works on his own stuff but its a new damn ship. In TFA she knows how to fly better than Han and what all the million buttons do. I know its convenience so we can have cool flying parts but I can only suspend disbelief so much. It happens again with Kylo in the tie fighters, he hops right in. And Fin with the light sabers. The part with Han on the long bridge was the best acted part of the film by far. Harrison did good.

  • Marvin Falz

    Don’t know about them, but I’m eager to see
    – The Intruder with William Shatner
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ9EPvZwj9c

    – Genesis II (1973)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxU4x2HKtMM

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yesterday, some cable channel here, FX I think, was airing one of those Family Guy Star Wars specials. I caught around 5 minutes of it. Are those supposed to be funny? Or the idea is to recreate scenes from Return of the Jedi with the characters from Family Guy?

    An even more important question, given how much I care about Star Wars and Family Guy, why didn’t I change the channel?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Cut!
    Let’s try that again!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Surpringsly enough he was wasn’t bad. In general the acting across the board was good.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Are you asking if Family Guy is supposed to be funny? That’s a loaded question.

  • tOmy`

    I am going to see that in cinema. Sure looking forward to it.

  • Marvin Falz

    Btw., sounds like Mike was right with his prediction that the Force awakes in her.

  • Milton Dammers

    I hope he brings me an expended-universe-barely-connected-cash-grab.

  • tOmy`

    They forced them to make RotJ one. It showed.

    The first two are actually pretty fun.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Is it just me or was that scene darker then anything in the original trilogy? Tone wise Jar jar abrams made this on par with ROTS honestly.

  • Stahp talking about Star Wars, internet!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I can only imagine that Disney will never allow them to touch TFA.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Your jokes in these past days were on point.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I can talk about the Ghostbusters character posters. I love ’em!

  • tOmy`

    Let’s fucking break it down to its midichlorian count.

    Which is 8.

  • tOmy`

    It took more than a decade but we all can finally say “meh.”

    Boy, sure is an exciting time we are living in.

  • RLMkeepitup

    someone mentions the force to her in passing and 2 scenes later she’s yoda. Fin has to hire ship pilots, she’s doing falcon figure 8s

  • I was watching a YT video that wasn’t even remotely about SW and then I scrolled down to the comments and the top 3 were all TFA spoilers… It’s like poison.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    in here or exiled/manhole?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Well it’s like those cynical comments me and others made like a month ago:
    “Spoiling TFA is like spoiling A New Hope”

    Don’t worry about it. It’s clear that the writters didn’t.

  • You want to go home and rethink your life. *waves hand*

  • tOmy`

    Oh, well… I don’t know. I actually have to work now… We can do it later on.

    But sure, go ahead, post them paragraphs on Exiled and then I will post 70 pages rebuttal.

    Just like when we went to a pub after the movie to discuss it and changed the topic after 20 minutes.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    meh

  • Ben Heckendorn

    Ironically, people are avoiding spoilers for a movie they’ve already seen. TFA is very entertaining and will make a mountain of money, but yes, it’s basically a remake of Ep4.

    I’d like to think in some alternate universe people have just watched an Ep7 directed by Matthew Vaughn. He would have given us a classic Hero’s Journey but made it creative and new.

  • Marvin Falz

    After 20 minutes. I conclude, the hype for TFA lives largely on the hype of the original Star Warses and the disappointment that were the prequels.

  • tOmy`

    So the question is obvious: The moment you realized this is indeed New(er) Hope, were you able to predict the rest of it?

    Cuz I felt like I am 2 minutes ahead of the movie almost every step of the way.

  • tOmy`

    I think our consensus was: “Well, I didn’t expect it to be boring. Better luck next time?”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I thought they were gonna kill off Finn given how Jar jar abrams electrified everything but disney won in the end.

    entertainment by committee ftw

  • tOmy`

    Entertainment by committee? Remember that scene from the trailer that got everyone pissed?

    How surprising it didn’t make the final cut.

  • RLMkeepitup

    a princess without a love interest is a pretty boring thing

  • NicCagesHair

    Gotta cool off after all that hot Hoth action!

  • tOmy`

    I wish they never left Hoth.

    And AT-ATs should have been equipped with flamethrowing lightsabers.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    footnotes version:

    Pro’s:

    good acting from just about everybody(even Harrison ‘Part Time’ Ford)
    good blend of top notch CGI/sets/practical effects
    good sound design
    good production design
    good art direction
    good characters,some of comedy works

    Con’s

    pointless references
    pointless callbacks
    shitty fan service
    abysmally uncreative and predictable plot
    exposition expostion expostion
    ADHD pacing
    ADHD direction
    not even a single memorable new piece of music by John Williams

    It’s gets like a 6 outta 10 for me. It’s only good if you want nothing more then entertainment at it’s most shallowest.

  • NicCagesHair

    If they showed Jar Jar gaping in terror as the sun stuff hit him directly in the face I would’ve given it a standing ovation right there and I am not one for clapping at movies.

  • Marvin Falz

    TFA-apologetics #1: Fin is a chosen chosen one. The Force uses someone to trigger the Force in her to awake her abilities.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Just wait for the new Ghostbusters. It’s even got a built-in defense. “If you don’t like this movie, you’ve got issues against women.”

  • tOmy`

    Pretty much. There are some other, more specific things, but I think we are on the same page.

    The only thing I would add to this particular list is a surprising lack of really good and tension-filled action. That was something I didn’t expect.

  • NicCagesHair

    I think we need a graphic of how many Deathstars could fit inside Sunstar otherwise how will I understand just how big it is?

  • Marvin Falz

    Neither better nor worse than what I’ve expected. (Didn’t watch it!) I expected it to be typically Disney, entertaining, nothing more nothing less.

  • VvdD

    Felt exactly the same. I was constantly waiting for the scenes to come to a conclusion so I could perhaps see something I couldn’t predict. The big twist, you can see coming from a mile away, especially when you know how that actor/actress feels about the whole series.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, that scene made people in the cinema audibly groan.

  • VvdD

    I bet you got those powers instantly without any practice ey?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I expected that because it’s JJ. I’m not saying you should pace your action/adventure movie like 2001:A Space Oddisey but you can’t pace it like Micheal Bay either. It moves so fast in such a generic direction there’s nothing to get immersed at.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, just to repeat myself (because upvotes and spam), it was everything I expected, but less. The action was the thing that moved it from “expected” to “slightly disappointing”.

  • VvdD

    But she is a womyn, she is supposed to be faster and better at everything. and DON’T HOLD HER HAND OK!?!

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • tOmy`

    I sorta thought that X-Wing action will grab me by pom poms no matter what. But it just didn’t.

    The moment movie forgets about X-Wing battle and then cuts back after couple of minutes, I was like: “Oh, right, that’s happening.”

    But! The lightsaber battle? I call top notch middleground between Prequels and OT. As William Shatman once said: “Rey gets angry. And I don’t.”

  • tOmy`

    Yes. It wasn’t there, right? I mean I was drunk and by that time, I was kinda just “rolling with it”, but you could feel the sudden “confusion” in the cinema.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    with the exception of one scene the crossguard was barely noticable frankly. which is good a thing right?

  • tOmy`

    And surprisingly enough, that scene even made it useful.

    These little glimpses of creativity are great, but pretty sparse.

  • VvdD

    That she gets things quickly is just the movie getting through the whole process as quickly as possible, but the bigger peeve I had, was how did she even know these powers existed? Some of these took Jedi masters years to perfect, while many jedi never discovered them at all.

    It felt like they thought the force was just like a marvel superpower. It just instantly gives you the power. That’s not how the old Star Wars portrayed it. You merely get in touch with the force and that is gate that opens and enables you to start manipulating the force.

  • VvdD

    The whole production aspect of the movie was great, including the acting. The problem was the goddamn script not having any class, tact or restraint.

  • VvdD

    Exactly, it got just about zero emotion out of me. Hell I felt more emotion when Qui gon jin died in the Phantom Menace, and I fucking hate that movie.

  • Like Icare

    Actually… It’s a 8.9 movie at the moment. Some 24+ hours ago it was 9.2.

    And eyeballing those numbers… So far it is kinda mimicking the original Star Wars and the Empire in audience response… BUT…
    And it’s a big but…

    Its 10/10 grades are clearly overinflated, being double of 9/10 and nearly 4 times more than 8/10.
    Both Star Wars and Empire have an about 25% step-down from 10 to 8 on their imdb grade graph, peaking at 10.
    There’s about a quarter less people who thought it was 9 compared to the number of people who thought it was a 10, about a quarter less those who thought it was 8 compared to those who thought it was 9…
    Jedi being a fascinating exception where 8-9-10 grades are almost identical – and it is the only one of the OT whose grades peak at 8.

    BUT… none of the OT movies has its 1/10 grades higher than 1.7%.
    Prequels do though. They score 3.4, 2.9 and 2.2 respectively.
    All peaking around 7 (ep 1 and 2) and 8 (ep 3).

    TFA, while clearly overinflated on the 10/10 side of the graph also scores 2.6 on the 1/10 side.
    That’s the Clones country.

    Which is why I’m guessing that it will probably slide down towards episode 3 numbers in the coming months, eventually settling somewhere between episode 2 and 3 in the coming decades when the hype dies down.

  • tOmy`

    It’s Friday. Grab a beer.

  • HaHa

    I got angry once, at that asshole R2-D2.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The lightsaber battle was a highlight. It wasn’t too short nor too long,it wasn’t overly choreographed and you can actually feel the stakes and emotion of the moment. It was pretty much the only action scene of the movie when I remembered I have a pulse.

  • tOmy`

    I know I might be a bit biased, but did anyone else feel like that the soundtrack for the very last scene should have been this?

    https://youtu.be/44qoeA8KxpI?t=1m14s

  • VvdD

    I got distracted the moment they where trying to escape Tie fighters in the MF on Jakku. All I could do during this really good looking sequence, was, “oh right this is the just like the astroid belt run but less awesome music!” and “Oh they’re throwing a bit of RoTJ Deathstar run in it here” It just became spot the difference for me.

  • NicCagesHair

    I like that it was a
    weird little adventure within the movie(I loved those moments in Galaxy as
    well). The real shame about that scene is two of the guys in the one smuggling
    faction are insane martial artists and they didn’t even punch anyone. If you haven’t
    seen The Raid:Berandal go watch it it’s awesome. Here’s a clip of what these
    guys can do:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuvVdpM8z6k

  • dollar store cashier wife

    How come John Williams managed to create memorable music for the motherfucking PREQUELS yet not TFA? Not.a.single.track.stood.out.

    #WTF?

  • VvdD

    Rey’s fight should have gone like Finn’s fight. What bothered me more was her Jedi mind trick suddenly working, without her ever being told or taught this was a possible power, with no good build up at all. They could have made it so she found out by accident, instead she just tries twice out of nowhere, fails miserably the first than succeeds perfectly the second time.

  • HaHa

    He is old.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    This movie was female empowerment brah.

    Oh wait what I mean to say was “let’s broaden our demographic JJ”!-Mickey Mouse

  • tOmy`

    I think he didn’t have much to work with.

    When you consider tracks like Into The Trap, you can feel the tension; same goes for the flawless scene from New Hope with “standing bys” and attack formations, when X-Wings gracefuly slide towards the Death Star.

    It didn’t happen here. They were just sorta there… So, you know, what are you gonna do with it?

  • VvdD

    It didn’t make sense to me that the beams would start to automatically home on to planets. Also the generals speech was a bit overacted.

  • VvdD

    More importantly, what does it matter how big it is?

  • tOmy`

    The 4th time in 5 minutes when Rey said she doesn’t need any help, the first thing that came to my mind was: “You ain’t getting laid a lot, right?”

    It’s an awful joke, I know. Rey was great and the idea as well, but JJ did try to hammer it a bit too much.

  • RLMkeepitup

    it almost took 12 years to make

  • NicCagesHair

    Haven’t you heard? Size matters especially when it come to planet destroyers.

  • VvdD

    The only joke I liked was BB giving a thumbs up. The rest was the kind of humor you find in an average episode of The Clone Wars. BB was actually kind of disappointing, he was supposed to be more charming and cute than R2, except he was actually more bland. R2 was funny because he was quite feisty, for a droid.

  • tOmy`

    I am afraid that they thought that general audience wouldn’t get the Hitler vibe if they didn’t hammer it enough.

    I know I might be selling the general audience a bit short here, but remember, there are people who thought Titanic was just a movie.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    because bigger means better. these movies operate like pornography.

  • NicCagesHair

    The most disappointing part of that ending? No zoom in on a matte painting match cut to first person X-wing entering the trench camera shot. If you are going to copy anything use that shot.

  • Like Icare

    I actually got some work to do… and then get ready for the road trip to Belgrade to see Star Wars tomorrow.
    And maybe buy some jasmine-scented green tea if I find some there.
    Which is the prospect I’m rather more excited about to be honest.
    I fucking love jasmine-scented green tea.

    This Star Wars worship feels like a highschool reunion or a company New Year’s party. A forced celebration with people you share almost nothing in common with and a reminder how much older you got.

    I wonder if I’ll be able to smuggle some cider into the theater… That might make the movie more appealing…

  • tOmy`

    That one made me cringe as fuck to be honest.

    My personal favorites were:
    “We gonna use the Force.”
    “That’s not how it works.”

    And C3PO showing up. It was cheap, but hey. It made me giggle.

  • NicCagesHair

    Fun Fact: The storm-trooper in the untie me/Jedi Mind Trick scene was apparently Daniel Craig.

  • Like Icare

    Well… whatcha gonna do… Nothing else is happening at the moment. All the terrirsts went off to watch Star Wars.

  • MovieFan

    Hahahaha so true “RLMkeepitup”

  • MovieFan

    Instead we get prolonged helicopter shots and close ups of Rey holding the lightsaber way too long and a cross eyed Luke with glaucoma.

  • RLMkeepitup

    and simon pegg was one of da alienzz

  • MovieFan

    The music was exactly like the prequels. Nothing stood out aside from Duel of the Fates in Episode I.

  • MovieFan