Scientist Man Explains Terminator Genisys

July 9, 20152,301 Comments

See video title. Scientist Man does indeed explain Terminator Genisys in a thorough and scientific manner.

Filed in: General UpdatesHalf in the BagShort Films

  • omitted

    Whaat?!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Seocnds! What is Jay doing wearing Rich’s puffy vest?

    Guess I’ll find out!

  • omitted

    *Sloppy

  • Markham

    I just assumed that Skynet was doing a long con by terminating/protecting Sarah Connor at the same time in 1965 for contrived time travel paradox stuff or something that’ll ensure that it will in any timeline.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The biggest question regarding all of this confusing piece of shit is: what was the black goo?

  • omitted

    “Do you have any more questions, little boy?”

  • Paul S.

    muh digitalness

  • omitted

    “It’s unrelated.” Like everything else on the board.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Holy shit does the color-changing puffy vest on Jay make me realize how huge Rich Evanses. Is.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What the hell is the name of that synth music in the beginning? We’ve been asking for three years, Jay!

  • omitted

    Rich Evans is life.

  • omitted

    “For a scientist you seem very bi-assed…”

  • instant relief

    I’m disappointed. They did not explain how this all ties into the Cars franchise.

  • omitted

    Hey, I know what this is! It’s shameless click-baiting and attention whoring on Youtube in hopes of making the next viral sensation. Aren’t we enough for you?! *storms out crying*

  • Indiana

    Bravo lads

  • Ian Austin

    SCIENTIST MAN: NO, I’M NOT SAYING THAT AT ALL.

    This is better than the God-tier Prometheus video.

  • Dr Natural

    How can a movie with Doctor Who in it screw up time travel so bad.

  • Buk Pravon

    My first guess: He wants to look like Marty McFly.

  • instant relief

    JOOOOOOOOOOOOOONES!

  • zaz926

    And then Yoda tells Obi-wan he should talk to Qui-gon’s ghost!!!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Not only do these movies confuse my brain they also confuse my dick. Sarah Connor wasn’t attractive at all to me in the first two movies, then in the show they cast Lena Headey, and now Emilia Clarke. Why all of a sudden they make her more and more attractive? Is that part of the timeline? Speaking of people looking different how come Kyle Reese looks nothing or sounds nothing like the original? How come Kyle Reese is buff? Isn’t a dark desolate future with no protein shakes?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Part time

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    Now please explain Watto’s deal.

  • TapewormBike

    This reminds Mike of a Star Trek NG episode.

  • Graham

    LOL I love this. To me, only the first two movies are canon, and the second one ends going into a timeline where the terminator war never happened and Reese and the Terminators came back in time from an alternate timeline. So, John Connor’s father is from a different universe and is not born in the alternate universe after Terminator 2.

    Which brings me to another point; Why the hell would Kyle Reese, in Genisys, be born in the timeline where the war didn’t happen? It’s like they didn’t make the movie for people to think about, but instead to see and hear explosions, and then go back to looking at their cellphone screens.

  • Scott B. Smith

    What doesn’t?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Your comment reminds Mike of a TNG episode. So does mine, and his, and everyone’s.

  • Graham

    HAHAHA. They didn’t give Emilia Clarke that ’80s perm. And Reese is played by a generic guy, who also appeared in Die Hard 5 as a generic guy.

  • TapewormBike

    The third was the laziest fucking thing ever. If this one is fanfic, that one was bored exec assignment.

  • omitted

    So weird without the T(-bagging)…

  • thelionroars

    I got 3 & 1/2 minutes in before I realised Jay is wearing a Marty McFly vest, I hope this pays off.

  • omitted

    *clothes

  • Domo

    If you guys need to use Patreon dollars to get a bigger whiteboard to explain Terminator Genisys, it’s cool. We still won’t understand it, but at least you tried.

    Red Letter Tryia.

  • TapewormBike

    Both of these guys got laid that day.

  • omitted

    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

  • Domo

    But in what timeline?

  • omitted

    Hopefully the one that got erased.

  • TapewormBike

    Alternate

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why does no one in the eighties have eighties hair? How come Skynet sends in assassins that look like bodybuilders to be infiltrators? They look extremely buff. Why do they send back only one John Connor or T-1000? Wouldn’t a bunch of them make much more sense and overwhelm Khaleesi and Captain Boomerang? If Skynet can make people terminator zombies why not just make like a virus or something to infect the human population and make them loyal machines?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The one when Nero went back in time through the wormhole?

  • TapewormBike

    Say that again slowly.

  • durhay

    I’ll never understand poetry.

  • Domo

    But in 2015 alternate or 2051 alternate?

  • omitted

    *poultry

  • Wizard Phoenix

    How about the one when Jay and Mike went back in time to stop Mike and Jay from fixing that old fart’s VCR?

  • Animist_Primal

    Sorry, I couldn’t take this scientist guy seriously with his childlike retard handwriting. In fact, I bet that guy doesn’t even have a science degree; probably something more easy like communications, gender studies, or film.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well, it rhymes. Each stanza rhymes with the last one.

  • TapewormBike

    The one where they go back to the Gorilla Interrupted shoot and murder Garrett.

  • omitted

    We need future future Jay (and Mike too I guess)!

  • omitted

    Ano. Tohle.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    Also radtastic Back to the Future cosplay.

  • UnhealthyNutter

    What’s the name of the intro music that plays at the beginning?.

  • Domo

    He took Dr. Scientist studies at the University of P***.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But now we have another future Mike and Jay, played by Jean Reno and Spike Jonze. Where did they come from? Why are they here? Are they from the same future ruled by that old fart? Are they the future Mike and Jay who are slaves?

  • omitted

    I’d prefer striptease.

  • Scott B. Smith

    If talking about alternate timelines helps with this, people are going to be hearing a lot more about X-Men at any parties and bars I go to.

  • TapewormBike

    Proffessor Physics taught there.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I was wondering about the intro music in the end.

  • durhay

    Sandstorm (copyright Darude)

  • omitted

    What really threw me off were the end credits in the beginning.

  • Domo

    In an endless quest to find a book on Mystical Symbols and Runes.

  • Scott B. Smith

    “Days of Future Pants” indeed.

  • Jazzy Tron

    Awesome. It’s frustrating to watch but appreciated none the less.

  • TapewormBike

    As a Nazi I wonder where the fuck is my Elf.

  • Percy Gryce

    Mike’s pratfalls saved this hot mess.

  • Scott B. Smith

    I remember that one from college.

  • omitted

    Like most of RLM content.

  • durhay

    *inches

  • Domo

    *cumtent

  • TapewormBike

    Jay’s mouth-breathing expression saves everything

  • Percy Gryce

    Don’t encourage him.

  • TapewormBike

    She can’t do that! Shoot her..or something!

  • omitted

    So ‘all in’, amirite?

  • jrb14

    FUCK OFF, GHOST!

  • omitted
  • Domo

    I can’t help it. It’s all I ever see now. I’ve tried to avoid dirty re-phrasings for 3+ years on this webzone, but they have finally consumed me.

  • That’s right, Marty!

  • omitted

    *watering

  • TapewormBike

    Cumsume,,? Oh fuck this

  • WrongWithYourFace

    More like 3 years and under, amirite?

  • omitted

    Yes, oh yes! It’s finally cuming true!

  • Domo

    It’s not the same, though, without the Pedo-beard. His cute beard now totally ruins the vibe.

  • TapewormBike

    I am really starting to doubt that he’s a loser at this point.

  • Questions will be answered

  • Percy Gryce
  • durhay

    *foreplay

  • TapewormBike

    Answers will be questioned

  • durhay

    *laugh

  • omitted

    It’s like I’m inside all of you(r heads)!

  • TapewormBike

    LOVE

  • omitted

    The Scientist Man Method

  • Animist_Primal

    Don’t forget Insurgent where he played generic guy.

  • Percy Gryce

    Indeed, corruptio optimi pessima.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Red Letter Media Talks About Promethe-uh I mean Genyisis.What a value!

  • TapewormBike

    Everyone likes to experiment in college

  • omitted

    Even Pa.

  • Angelo

    And here I was, thinking they used their Patreon money just to buy booze and pussy. PRODUCTION VALUE DUDES PRODUCTION VALUE

  • TapewormBike

    Especially Pa

  • omitted

    Kill me!

  • I understand less and thats a good thing!

  • Love that background song.

  • Mr. R

    Jeez the special effects budget was cut since the original Genesis Space

  • durhay

    *education

  • TapewormBike

    But have you noticed the real stunts?

  • Angelo

    I don’t know which one is the worst honestly. But Prometheus is definitely better looking.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I bet the costume designer got handsomely paid for this gig.

  • Domo

    We’re gonna need a bigger whiteboard.

  • UnhealthyNutter

    Your not funny or witty btw.
    But seriously whats the music called?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I think the only thing this video explained to me is why I was never crazy about the Terminator franchise.
    http://orig14.deviantart.net/8110/f/2015/190/9/c/nimetn_by_wrongwithyourart-d90lrx1.png

  • And a T-5000 disc companion guide

  • Domo

    How did Jay not laugh at all in this? It’s completely out of character.

  • UnhealthyNutter

    Truly im in awe of your rapier wit…NOT!. Your not funny or witty btw. Stop it.
    But seriously whats the music called?

  • I understand less and thats a good thing

    #anothertimeline

  • Travoltron

    I used to think it was too cheesy, but I’ve come to love that deleted ending scene from T2. The one that shows definitively that they stopped Judgment Day from ever happening. (And thus, no sequels can occur.)

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *boat

  • omitted

    He was thinking of everything I’ve ever said here.

  • They always joke about dying inside. Now it actually happened

  • TapewormBike

    It’s an alternate version of the Jay, that replaced the real Jay, playing Jay, which constantly breaks character of Jay

  • omitted

    *perversion

  • TapewormBike

    We don’t know, we just like to make fun of you.

  • omitted

    *butt

  • Travis Pickle

    so in the next film T-1million Sarah Connor sends herself back to kill herself before she’s born but she can’t find herself…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Good old days!

  • Mr. R

    Why did the villains keep hitting Batman with their cocks?

  • omitted

    *gays

  • ultraterrestrial

    Erm…the film cost $155,000,000 with added marketing costs (I read somewhere) of $185,000,000 and has so far made $135,000,000. So even if it earns back the budget or an optimistic $200,000,000 before closing, that’s still going to be a loss that falls somewhere between $140,000,000 – $200,000,000. And people are seriously talking about a sequel? I didn’t know Hollywood execs were either this generous, hopeful or deranged.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s doing boffo overseas.

  • TapewormBike

    Is it?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I read somewhere that it is. I think.

  • Careful with the $ sign. Baumann is out to terminate spam

  • Mr. R

    Naw everyone went to see Jurassic Whatever instead

  • TapewormBike

    Stupid overseaers

  • Boehm

    While I did enjoy the video, I do find it funny that RLM is giving attention to a movie that has already been forgotten.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Long dry-spell while in Arkham, maybe.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I’m an over…here…seas…type and I ran and hid from it. Actually I stole a torrent and watched it in my shed.

  • TapewormBike

    Overanalyzing a bad chapter in a beloved sci-fi franchise? That is not like them at all!

  • ultraterrestrial

    I still don’t think it will turn a profit, Pa. I just don’t understand Hollywood any more.

  • TapewormBike

    I can’t believe I stopped googling “cute hippo” for this

  • omitted

    Yeah, fuck those guys, literally!

  • TapewormBike

    MMMMMMMM – HMMMMMM

  • omitted

    *himbo

  • Jawson 5

    whatever happened to blackboards

  • durhay

    I’m more of a witty bbq

  • omitted

    Racist!

  • omitted

    Gotta love his name, tho.

  • durhay

    “butter”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    *bimbo

  • Angelo

    Yeah, I hope this big budget thing is temporary and that they will continue their Master of Cinema series in which they discuss the movies of great directors like Kubrick and Kurosawa.

  • Jawson 5

    I think the Beatles just rolled over in their graves

  • TapewormBike

    “That’s right, Jay! As is often the case in early Tarkovsky films..”

  • Angelo

    It will be a reboot of the first Terminator.

  • Sully

    “Scientist”

    “Man”

    “Explains”

  • Jawson 5

    you mean Robochic

  • TapewormBike

    Paul and Ringo are getting really uncomfortable

  • durhay

    are you thinking of purchasing a second shed?

  • Angelo

    He has a white coat and glasses so it must be scientific.

  • A king has his reign, and then he dies. It’s inevitable.

    Judgementday is inevitable.

    #AlienVSTerminator:Inevitable

  • ultraterrestrial

    I might buy a really big shed and put my smaller shed in it. Kind of like a Derrida/Baudrillard thing. Endless reflections of shed.

  • durhay

    *Clarissa

  • Sully

    I’d rather see Terminator v. Robocop. Oh… wait…

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4c/Robocop_VS_Terminator.jpg

  • dollar store cashier wife

    So the black goo is terminator’s piss?

    QUESTIONS JUST GOT ANSWERED

  • hack frauds

  • Swarzengger has nothing on Weller

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Not upvoted because I wish it to happen. Upvoted because I’ve always been a sucker for soothsayers and prognosticators.

  • Angelo

    Stop that, Hollywood might get the idea of making an Alien VS. Temrinator movie.

  • John

    The T-1,000,000 isn’t Sarah Connor, it’s a gigantic memetic polyalloy spider. (Google it.)

  • Sully

    …says the shitty plush fox.

  • TapewormBike

    FIGHT!

  • The wallet that one of the scientist left in the room with the black goo transforms into skynet and the black goo travels back in time and impregnates Sara Conner

    SPOILERS: KYLE REESE IS THE BLACK GOO IN PROETHEUS

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Foxy.

  • omitted

    NO! KISS!

  • durhay

    RUNS AWAY IN STRAIGHT LINE

  • Drunkard homeless maul santa ex detective is on the case. He will stop the judgement day from ever happening. The downside is that the nazielves rise to power.

  • Sully

    Only about 2 inches…………. IF… ya know what I mean.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Do the Nazielves set up bases on the moon?

  • Sully

    I approve of this timeline. COMMENCE!!!

  • Jawson 5

    that’s a downside?

  • TapewormBike

    Alienator comes to save the day before that

  • omitted

    Ooooohhhhhhhh…..

  • TapewormBike

    Ha and fucking tOmy is outside right now, having fun with friends. Loser.

  • Jawson 5

    I think we all know by now that the Asylum’s ”The Terminators” was the better movie in the end.

  • ultraterrestrial

    They already did Solaris. Adam Sandler is in negotiations for Stalker.

  • TapewormBike

    There is an Asylum rip-off? I have to not watch that either

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *up the end

  • Sully

    In that case, I guess I should have a talk with that homeless guy behind the K-mart that says he’ll inspect my butthole for $20. Best proctology deal in town!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Chris Pratt is…Andrei Rublev.

  • omitted

    Yeah, what is a weekend at a music festival compared to talking about 12 minute webzone video?

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, and the ball kicking scenes in Andrey Rublev were hilarious.

  • omitted

    I thought I recognized you from somewhere!

  • instant relief

    I don’t need life, I’m high on RLM.

  • TapewormBike

    That’s a weird way to spell PCP

  • ultraterrestrial

    That’s a winner! Although we really need Chris Hemsworth in
    Pierrot le Fou.

  • rikkibarnes

    I have this feeling that they’re going to just kill Sarah Connor in the sequel as the next ‘big twist’, and it’ll cause everyone to freak out. But no worries! We’ll get a new messiah played by a bad actor we’ll all want to see get burned in a nuclear fire. Brownie points if Sarah is killed conveniently after giving birth to John 2.0 (“OR JOAN HEE HEE” –idiot hollywood writer).

  • frankelee

    These hackfrauds can afford to pay for copyright Beatles songs but they can’t afford an orange colored vest?

  • instant relief

    So, it’s bascially Disney’s Evans’s Paul Blart: Darth Shopping Maul Fart 2: Observe & Report Santa Again .

  • TapewormBike

    Let’s hope this franchise is terminated for now.

  • omitted

    It’ll be back.

  • instant relief

    How about HoboCop vs. Germinator?

  • instant relief

    It’ll be up your back.

  • omitted

    I may have a copy…

  • instant relief

    What? Does his phone have a larger screen? I need to know damn it.

  • Jawson 5

    I blame M Night Shyamalan

  • Moist

    I don’t care for it. Doesn’t seem like any sort of Nutter at all.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You know who I blame.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Just the tip.

  • TapewormBike

    Does it rhyme with Kangandrew?

  • omitted

    Catnip?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    James Cameron sees things that he recognizes.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s James Cameron, this time.

  • instant relief

    I can’t afford drugs, and being high on RLM is like taking heroin once a month: you got that one really awesome day and then a full month of withdrawals ahead.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Plus, the smell.

  • TapewormBike

    Angel Duss?!

  • omitted

    Buff Guys.

  • TapewormBike

    I wonder what excuse they will have for Ripley’s skin in Alien 5.

  • Jawson 5

    Black Goo

  • omitted

    Grumpa Maybelline.

  • Jawson 5

    Maybe she’s born with it

  • TapewormBike

    No, that was Jamie Lee Curtis.

  • omitted

    *porn

  • Sully

    How about HoCop vs. Sperminator?

  • Sully

    Was it the bushy tail or the giant lipstick that gave it away?

  • TapewormBike

    BottomCop vs. Rearminator?

  • omitted

    You know there’s only one answer I can give: Both.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I bet you were all really freaking for 16 minutes, there.
    #IWas

  • omitted

    *leaking

  • Jawson 5

    *masturbating

  • TapewormBike

    Is there anything on the horizon to get actually excited about, a lil bit? I have no idea these days.

    Except the sweet release of death, I mean.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    12:03 Give that man a studio contract!

  • Bierwagon

    send the t-5million back to 456ad and kill every-fucking-body..lol

  • Jawson 5

    Thanks Hitler will keep that in mind

  • TapewormBike

    I am like 85% sure I saw a parody video of Terminator with Jesus in it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you mean moopies? I’m just gonna dump the list of movies I’m excited about and you do your own resarch:

    Love
    The Hateful Eight
    The Revenant
    Sicario
    Spectre
    Midnight Special
    Beasts of No Nation
    The Sea of Trees
    Tangerine

    and of course: Space Cop

  • omitted
  • Uncle Sporkums
  • The Narrator

    “Copyright: Beatles” killed me. Although I was already close to death because the brain aneurysm I suffered trying to keep up with all the details described in this video (although, in a timeline where I saw Terminator Genisys in the theater, I’d already be dead, and the T-3492 wouldn’t have to chase after me in 2024 for saying such mean things about a movie I haven’t seen).

  • TapewormBike

    Before or after the new Plinkett Review?

  • ultraterrestrial

    “It’s so dense…every single timeline has so many things going on”

  • TapewormBike

    It’s like poetry, it makes no fucking sense.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Charles Bukowski vomiting in stanzas

  • omitted

    There is no ‘after the next Plinkett Review’. It will mark the beginning of rapture for those who believe in the Great Evans.

  • Jawson 5

    *bukkake

  • dollar store cashier wife

    What’s Plinkett?

  • The Narrator

    Giving the T-1billion-level scathing reviews of Sea of Trees, you might want to scratch that one off the list and replace it with, I dunno, Irrational Man, or Crimson Peak, or Mistress America.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    what can I say? Gus Vant Saint making a movie about depression just makes me instantly interested(Elephant is one of my favorite films). Pacific Rim did so little for me I can’t muster up any emotion for Crimson Peak.

  • blau

    For any of you that missed it, there is a POST credits scene in this movie. Most people miss it because who would expect that from a piece like this. Anyway in the scene we see that Skynet survived the blast and Doctor Who shows up in hologram form.

  • ultraterrestrial

    That was Mel Gibson’s original treatment for The Passion of
    the Christ

  • TapewormBike

    Elephant is an incredible movie but “favorite” just feels like a weird word to use

  • The Narrator

    Oh, I love Gus Van Sant, especially Elephant and Gerry, but Sea of Trees sounds like an even hackier variation on What Dreams May Come.

  • omitted

    I wish my nails were emo so they would cut themselves.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    sadomasochism ftw. for me “favorites” very often overlap with films I consider to be “the best” Like I only watched something like Dancer in The Dark once and I’ll probably never gonna rewatch it but I’ll continue to sing it’s praises and recommend it to everyone I know and keep on thinking about it. That constitutes it for me as a “favorite” if you will.

  • Jawson 5
  • omitted

    *homogram

  • ultraterrestrial

    Maybe the David Lynch Twin Peaks revamp/boot/whatever. Gotta say I fear it will stink–and I fuckin love that guy. I just don’t see it working.

  • TapewormBike

    Ah, Dancer in the Dark, Bjork playing someone from Czechoslovakia. Gotta love that. What a gut punch, too.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    *fuck

  • TapewormBike

    Ah, our national anthem

  • instant relief

    Prepare for ramming speed!

  • Like Icare

    Yup.

  • Palpatine

    A new video already?!

  • omitted

    *national

  • omitted

    Did you not foresee it?!

  • Jawson 5
  • Wizard Phoenix

    They didn’t talk about how fucking confusing Fyck You was. They have to make up for it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Blomkamp will explain it through a hamfisted overused preachy message.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Don’t worry, Mike and Jay or Jean and Spike. All your questions will be answered with the Special Extended Collector’s Edition BluRay 4K Remaster Final Cut version of Terminator Genysis with 37 discs.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Enjoying Woody Allen’s ‘Crimes and Misdemeanours’ again—and, no, that isn’t the title of his autobiography (so fuck you Mia Farrow) . The film is so damn good that it’s hard to imagine it was given three Oscar nominations, featured no CGI whatsoever and received widespread media attention without any 12yrs-to-make William Castle style gimmick. It’s just well written, shot and played, with the depressing punch line: “If you want a happy ending, you should go see a Hollywood movie” to round it off. I suppose it must have come from an alternate timeline, courtesy of Sarah Connor, as the whole thing seems improbable. I must be hallucinating and I’ll no doubt get over it. This happened to me last week when I played ‘Chinatown’ and mistakenly thought it was a real thing that once existed.

  • Studio Executive

    It’s a complicated and nuanced story which can only be truly grasped through multiple viewings (at your local cinema). It’s like if “Primer” was a real movie!

  • Hastee

    I knew that whiteboard was gonna get trashed by the end

  • Jawson 5
  • Jawson 5

    that’s what ya call white trash

  • Palpatine

    And don’t forget the Disc Companion Guide. It’s 3700 pages long.

  • Like Icare

    No, no, no…

    Haven’t we learned anything from Star Trek reviews?
    Reboots are aimed at audiences who have a passing knowledge of the original.
    Ergo, to bring them in, moopies MUST have the most obvious and the easiest to remember details from the past moopies in them.
    Stuff that the average Murican would know through cultural osmosis alone.

    Hit it Johnny!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azmpSVm8f-8
    The Terminator, metallic skeleton robot, shotgun, Ahnold, T1000 (policeman liquid metal robot), T1000 with swords for hands, Sarah Connor, John Connor, Come With Me If You Want To LiveⓇ, time travel, skeletal robotic arm made of shiny metal, naked man walking down the street, a 40 mm grenade launcher (thing that shoots big bullets, I’ll Be BackⓇ, No Fate But What We MakeⓇ, Skynet, Judgment Day, nucular explosion, guns and Rogers, a glowing red robotic eye, John Connor on a motorcycle, a supporting character with male pattern baldness…

  • Jawson 5

    and on every page, all it says over and over is ”911 was an inside job”

  • Like Icare

    Last night I saw a fox running through the park in front of my building.

  • Palpatine

    I did. But not this soon.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Coming to this comment section to anal-ize things.

  • Like Icare

    Hey! Maybe the black goo was actually space cash? Maybe it was all a heist!

    http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/die-hard-scenario/images/a/a3/Esq-mclane-xlg.jpg

  • ultraterrestrial

    What have you got for Chinatown? Mickey Rooney with tape across his eyes in Breakfast At Tiffany’s? 😉

  • Like Icare

    Indeed.

    I have knowledge of this cause I come from the past.

  • Like Icare

    Covering the walls with garbage bags costs money folks.

  • Like Icare

    A great white board happened.

  • fred
  • Like Icare

    A bigger bored white than Mike? Is that even possible?

  • Like Icare

    It’s sensitive to magnetrons.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Disqus is currently being hacked by The Chinese.

  • Like Icare

    Is that the one about creatures big and small?

  • Angelo

    The nightmare won’t stop.

  • Like Icare

    Pottery. Fucking pots. How do they work?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *Candygram

  • Domo

    Does it make more sense to watch this film in 3D? Does that help the plot in any way?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I resemble that remark.

  • Palpatine

    I have not seen one spam comment from some sexy lady. Yet.

  • luvs2pwge

    You are racist, if it were a black board would you make that joke?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You can imagine you’re spreading your confusion over more space. Therefore, you could perhaps trick yourself into thinking there was less of it?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    If I were a rapper, I would call it a motherfucker.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Doesn’t it keep going out on you? It has on me, on two separate computers.

  • Like Icare

    They need to go to an airport and use the terminal’s windows.

    http://www.cascadiakids.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Central-term_050819_321.jpg

    Like the real scientist do in the moopies.

    http://previews.123rf.com/images/leedsn/leedsn1210/leedsn121000005/15691919-Idea-social-network-concept-business-man-writing-something-on-glass-board-with-marker-Stock-Photo.jpg
    See? He’s a young genius. You can tell by the way he’s holding the fingers of his reaching into his pants.

    Reaching for his penis with the tips of his fingers.

  • Angelo

    The Machine is safe. Finch made sure of that.

  • Jawson 5

    well there was a split second where there’s a giant Brad Pitt cock that flashes up on screen in 3D so there’s always that

  • luvs2pwge

    I would like a Mr Plinkett of Terminator films or at least the The Matrix <3

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    We’d all like Christmas every day.

  • luvs2pwge

    Or once every 4 years?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Eleven Lords-a-Leap Christmas?

  • luvs2pwge

    Imagine Mr Plinkett voice doing Arnie’s I’ll be bach

  • Angelo

    They are going to reboot it anyway so who cares. The only question now is: who will be the new Terminator?
    I vote for Mark Wahlberg.

  • Angelo

    Mike mentionned Matrix in the HitB but he’s just playing with us.

  • Jawson 5

    I blame Mao Zedong

  • omitted

    *candy cane

  • luvs2pwge

    I remembered 🙂

  • Like Icare

    That’s 2017.

    On my planet we have a saying. Roughly translated it goes “Dead or alive… By then, who knows.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Racist!

    Idris Elba.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Fantastic anal-sys. Now I totally understand the plot of the Back to the Future trilogy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *marzipan

  • Like Icare

    These man are hack frauds. They don’t even understand what it means that timelines can be rewritten. HACKFRAUDS!!!

  • Studio Executive

    Of course it makes more sense! It’s a whole extra D! Totally worth the extra $10…

  • Palpatine

    I’m on my iPhone at the moment.

  • Angelo

    He can be Joan Connor.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

  • luvs2pwge

    BttF was all a dream sequence, thats why it was written on pink pages.

  • Like Icare

    Oedipus rides a flying board. The End.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The extra D stands for extra dumb.

  • Like Icare

    I kiss my mom with love.

  • instant relief

    Terminator: AnalSys: Behind To The Future

  • luvs2pwge

    He kisses pizza rolls with that mouth

  • omitted

    *cuming out

  • Palpatine

    Ugh, my brain hurts. Remember how the first two Terminator films were somewhat simple stories about evil robots sent from the future to kill one of the Connors? Yeah, me neither.

  • Jawson 5

    you kiss everybodies mom with love

  • Like Icare

    That’s the different kind of love.

  • luvs2pwge

    It needed the Galactic senate from New Star Wars Trilogy to pull it all together to make sense.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s the retail version. The one that you buy from Amazon.com contains 23 extra discs and the Terminator Genisys Disc Companion Guide is 1800 pages longer, with a prologue written by James Cameron.

  • Like Icare
  • Palpatine

    “New Star Wars Trilogy”? Do you mean the Prequels?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Scientist man didn’t have one test tube. A beaker, neither. Really, he was just Non-Permanent Marker Man.

  • Palpatine

    He didn’t have crazy hair either.

  • luvs2pwge

    Prequel implies it is related to the original trilogy. I have decided they were a reboot and have no connection to the original.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Where he lists all the things he’s been recognizing lately.

  • Jawson 5

    He didn’t?

  • Angelo

    They are not “evil” they just wanna make the earth a better place. Without humans.
    Fuck, I just realized that Terminator stole its storyline from Age of Ultron. Basterds.

  • Like Icare

    The man loves to play “I spy…”

  • Like Icare

    Chinese Man will sell better in China.

  • Angelo

    Naaah they fantasize about being like us, you know, kinda normal people.

  • Jawson 5

    you’ve been hanging around Colin again haven’t you

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Including references to such random things as Piranha Part 2.

  • ultraterrestrial

    The prequels don’t exist in my ‘restricted’ (deffo not extended) universe. There are only two movies tbh. The Care Bears from Jedi never made it either.

  • Angelo
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    If he’d had one test tube, he could be Lance Armstrong, Liar Scientist!

  • Palpatine

    You’ll see things you’ll recognize.

  • Angelo

    More dentist man if you ask me.

  • luvs2pwge

    TBH I never found Ewoks annoying, also imo the only redeeming part of phantom menace was Jar Jar as he was the most coherent and developed character.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He was the key to the whole thing.

  • Like Icare

    Densist man? Isn’t that George Lucas?

  • amichel

    Jay must’ve borrowed Rich’s puffy vest

  • Palpatine

    Jar Jar being the only character with an arc is incredibly sad.

  • luvs2pwge

    I am happy Disney are giving him his own standalone, they will be including a love interest for him this time.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Only evil fuckers hate Jar Jar. He steps in the poopy.

  • Like Icare

    That’s his secret identity.

  • Jawson 5

    I don’t see the arc, he started out annoying and ended annoying

  • luvs2pwge

    Didn’t he get his tongue stuck in the energy arc?

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, he also gave me emergency powers to help me start up the Empire.

  • Angelo

    He was a jungle man and became a senator in the fucking galactic senate. Not bad.

  • ultraterrestrial

    He’s one great rabbit!

  • luvs2pwge

    A bit like Hillary Clinton.

  • Palpatine

    That’s true, but he stars off as some clumsy asshole wandering around the woods and by the end, he’s a Bombad General.

  • Like Icare
  • Angelo

    You won’t laugh when she’ll be the new president of the US of A. I don’t care I’m from Europe.

  • ultraterrestrial

    He’s in the Under the Skin sequel too. Gets raped and burned by Mace Windu.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nah. The fix is already in. Practice your laugh…It’ll be President Jeb Bush.

  • Jawson 5

    So a bit like Dick Cheney then…. I’ll show myself out

  • luvs2pwge
  • luvs2pwge

    I am European too

  • Like Icare

    RLM need to start catering to that Asian market with their videos.
    Does anyone know how to speak Asian?
    A billion and a half Chinese are waiting out there.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I thought that was one of The Boys from Brazil?

  • Angelo
  • Like Icare

    Cheney is pure evil. Jar Jar is more like Bush.

    Though Bush is also a bit like Anakin…
    Accidentally getting into a cockpit of a plane, flying around and ending up in the land of Teletubbies.
    http://thedailybanter.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/BushFlightSuit-1024×681.jpg

  • Angelo

    Rich isn’t puffy he is just well-fed.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Palpy…do you have any (new) hope for the upcoming Star Wars movie? Do you think they might find your crumpled skull/spine/leg and create *reference from it? I think they’ll rediscover your trademark accent and build a bigger Death Star out of the holographic blueprints.

  • Like Icare

    How big is that? The standard is 8 inches at least.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3_bwB5hldrs#t=1027

  • Angelo

    Palpy will come back as a zombie robot in liquid metal that can travel through time and explore parallel universes. Approved by George Lucas.

  • ultraterrestrial

    The only question is…will he (or will Han and Chewy) step in the poopy? The jury is out.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Rich is a cornfed mangod.

  • Jawson 5

    They’ll find poor ole Palpy at the bottom of that shaft, and wake him up out of his coma, just to put him on skype with the new vader, so he can phone in his 5 minutes, and everybody thinks the new movie has some legitimacy

  • ultraterrestrial

    Note Palpy’s silence – this is a man under contract, saying nothing, you may have hit a nerve.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Gawd. And our country is set to do it all again.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Old as Han is, he may be making poopy in his pantaloons.

  • Sully

    Wasn’t me, I swear.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You never run. You swagger.

  • Mr.Fister

    Who the fuck cares about the timeline… I watch it because of Arnold’s one-liners I’ll be back…I’ll drive…you are terminated…and just to answer the most urgent question in your mind right now…yes I am the mind of a 14 year old trapped in the body of a 28 yer old 😀

  • Mr.Fister

    Who the fuck cares about the timeline… I watch it because of Arnold’s one-liners I’ll be back…I’ll drive…you are terminated… and yes, I am the mind of a 14 year old trapped in the body of a 28 yer old 😀

  • Like Icare

    The Internet just decided to inform me about this.
    To 1.2 billion humans, this is a summer blockbuster.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI6x1Km2FNg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You just decided the question wasn’t urgent for me, after all? Sheesh, dude. You ain’t the Boss o’ Me.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Marvel/Disney preview their new franchise-busting costume crusader – Dr Thompson who seems to give not one shit:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPOiwGnbIzs

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Racist!

    You think you know better with your dinosaurs and your cars and your time-hopping robots?

  • ultraterrestrial

    I likewise breathe through my mouth–I’m lovin it.

  • omitted

    Reverse those ages and I’d be super into you.

  • ElectricPrism

    function question() {
    return answer();
    }

    function answer() {
    return question;
    }

    question();

  • ultraterrestrial

    Anyway, fuck all this Terminator, Marvel and Jurassic World crap. When will someone finally make a decent Lovecraft movie? Guillermo del Toro had his work trashed by the idiotic mess that was Prometheus. We need something worthy of this track by Electric Wizard or I’m going to start taking hostages:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csYfg6cxUp4

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    The scientist looked like he was drinking a beer. That’s rather unprofessional.

  • Uncle Dan

    The ewoks really are a mixed bag for me. Overall they’re a dumb idea made for kids, but they’re a dumb idea that’s taken so far with such commitment that some aspects actually work. The overall Endor forest battle is silly, but the shots of dying ewoks were genuinely touching, so…

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Mike ‘deGrasse’ Stoklasa and Other Guy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Guess they were inspired by Paul Blart.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m in my 20s and have the body of a 20s something year old guy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    He used his dry-erase humour to woo us into watching 12 minutes of A-camera, B-camera …

  • Graham

    Yeah. That alternate ending is good. There could be a true sequel/prequel that shows the terminator war universe in 2029 leading up to when Reese goes back. And it would have that dark, scary atmosphere that was shown in the first two movies.
    And, there could be the parallel 2029 in the alternate universe after Terminator 2 where John Connor is a high profile politician in Washington, fighting against nuclear weapons or something along those lines.
    The themes would coincide while showing the audience the idea of alternate universes. And there could even be a scene where, in the non-war universe, Connor laments that his father – not being born in that timeline – is a man from another universe, and that he has to hold this bizarre fact to himself and come to terms with it. And, also use his knowledge of the horrors of war to try and prevent horrific nonsense like nuclear war.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Lance Armstrong was the first man to have his Moon Landing title revoked because he used steroids! He hid it in his jazz trumpet! Oh what an un-wonderful world!

  • Graham

    lol, good analogy.

  • Graham

    Shhh…You’re thinking too much!

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    So would I, but eeeeeh whaddyou gonna do! The fanfictions are gonna have to suffice for now.

  • James Earl Jones

    And they used that red-orange-red again vest that’s the same color(s) of the vests both Mike and Jay used in the last Haff in teh Beg just to fcuk wit my miiiiinddd……..

  • luvs2pwge

    How on earth did you have that prepared?

  • Grandpa Seth

    They’ll have to call the next one Terminator: Geritol Follys

    Arnie can say “I’m back . . . on my osteoporosis medication.” slide whistle

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Seeing that red vest made me have to listen to some “The Power of Love” aww yeah.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8HOfcYWZoo

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Fun fact: Jay is wearing the clothing from the recently released Marty McFly 12″ collectible figure by Hot Toys. It’s still a few sizes too big for Jay.

    /slidewhistle sound

  • Palpatine

    Disney said my face is too scary for the film.

  • Palpatine

    Time for a new segment I like to call Palpy’s Film “What Ifs”. Tonight’s what if is “what if John Carpenter directed The Terminator? Post your speculations below.

  • ultraterrestrial

    There have been some hideous abominations posted on here but this goes beyond any acceptable or tolerable level. Don’t you have any decency left or any humanity—going around spraying filth like this at reasonable people who couldn’t possibly deserve it?

  • Just another guy

    I like it when you guys do unique things.

  • Tomas Weissbeck

    A major plothole in the Terminator universe is that if Judgement Day happened in 1997, how did technology keep evolving? If the world was turned into a post-apocalyptic wasteland, who were the scientists that developed, say, those laser guns we see at the beginning of Genisys? Is Bangladesh making those greasy military outfits the resistance people wear?
    I mean, Skynet was only able to do so much, given that by the time of Judgement Day it was basically just in control of the military, but it didn’t have the means to keep the world it now dominated running.

  • Bubs

    I can’t wait for “Scientist Man Explains The Matrix Sequels” and “Scientist Man Explains Prometheus”. It’s gonna be great fuck!

  • Bubs

    So me and the wife went to see Pixar’s new movie “Inside Out”. What a horrible mistake. The movie was awesome – easily in the top 10 best animated films and a shoe-in at the Oscars. The problem is children. If you’re a parent, and you have the balls to bring your child to a movie theater, teach them this golden rule: “Shut your stupid fucking goddamn mouth. No one cares what you have to say. You’re seven.” If you can’t do this, please grab the nearest bottle of bleach and give your child a large dose, as you’re an unfit parent and a swift death is better than the lifetime of failure which you’ve surely prepared them for.

  • instant relief

    I’d buy tha… I’d download that via torrent!

  • instant relief

    I don’t like things that are different.

  • Noah R.

    Let it out Bubbles, let us know how mad you truly are!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jeebus. At least I direct my anger appropriately — at fyucking adults who haven’t grown up.

    ♪ I believe the children are the future.
    Tell them to shut up or drink bleach.
    They’ve inconvenienced this dick and his wife.
    They deserve no life.
    According to some a-tard nicknamed Bubbles. ♪

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m with this guy.

  • Palpatine

    The black goo made it more advanced.

  • Palpatine

    When is the next Plinkett review?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    How boring!

    #You’rePerfectTheWayYouAre

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Thank you! Dry-Erase! It was there, all the time, and I just could not for the life of me put the letters in the correct order.

    That ever happen to you?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I get it!

    #Neil&Louis

  • Palpatine

    Exactly. If kids are acting up, you should tell thier parents to do some goddamn discipline.

  • Sully

    He already did. It’s called Halloween.

    Unstoppable killing machine goes after specific woman, while a savior does what he can to save her.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Skynet is behind it all!

  • Palpatine

    And he did it first.

  • RLMkeepitup

    More importantly who developed the time travel machine and how did both skynet and resistance get a hold of it. And what do you do sit there and wait for the past to be erased? Would John Connor just disappear in front of the resistance’s eyes once the T800 shot Sarah? Shit makes no sense.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Another major plothole is that it keeps moving forward at all. Every sequel should’ve been a prequel, with each successive Terminator arriving earlier in history. To kill Sarah Connor. To kill Sarah Connor’s grandmother. To kill the bastard plantation owner that raped Sarah Connor’s great-great-grandmother. To kill the damn Cave-Woman Sarah Connor. Sci-fi period pieces. Never seen THAT before.

    Terminator v. Dinosaurs. $4 billion, domestic. In two weeks.

  • Bubs

    ~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~ Undisciplined children just grow up to be assholes. Abort your kids today, so that you don’t do a bad job raising them. This has been a Public Service Announcement.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m with this guy, too.

    #Both

  • Sully

    Word.

    To me Terminator has always been Cameron’s version of Halloween meets Somewhere In Time, inspired by the “robot fever dream” he had while filming Piranha.

  • Bubs

    I did. But for the record, I’m not that upset. The movie was actually so good that I still had a fun time. The facts still stand though.

  • ultraterrestrial

    You’ve got me stumped here concerning the first movie. Leaving aside the score (which would have been done better by Carpenter) and the lighting (which would have been done better by Dean Cundey) that movie is about
    as close as you’ll get to the spirit of JC’s original output. Shot for minimum budget with the same ‘fuck the studios’ outsider attitude, I’ve always thought of it as kind of an honorary Carpenter film anyway. Plus to wear my heart on my sleeve: I think it’s less smart than Dark Star, has less punch than Precinct 13, is less engaging than Escape From New York, has less tension than Halloween/The Fog and has less visceral impact than his remake of The Thing. Of course, I grew up with Carpy’s movies from being a kid (I’m now 45) so perhaps I’m just expressing a generational bias? Or I might not be, seeing
    that I’m right 😉

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If John Carpenter had directed The Terminator, we would have less sequels, BUT we would’ve gotten a Platinum Dunes remake by now.

  • Sully

    “Leaving aside the score (which would have been done better by Carpenter)…”

    Now, I like Carpenter’s music as much as the next guy, but what Brad Fiedel did in Cameron’s Terminator was perfection, imho.

  • Bubs

    I don’t know John Carpenter’s style well enough to give a good response. However, if George Lucas directed it, we would have 8 re-releases and/or remasters by now. In one remaster, Sara shoots first. They would keep shoving bullshit into the front of the frame. The famous terminator theme would be replaced by smooth jazz, and there would be a scene in the second terminator like this:

    John Connor: “You killed my father!”
    Ahnuld: “No, John. I am your father.”
    Edward Furlong:”[voice cracking]NoooooooOooo!”
    [In the background, Jar-Jar-1000 walks into frame and steps into some bantha poo doo]

  • Jay Stein

    That was awesome. Thank you RLM

  • ultraterrestrial

    It’s good score, granted. Thing is I don’t play it regularly on MP3 for pleasure like Escape from New York, Halloween or The Fog. Plus I don’t remember it influencing people to make electronica – broadly or in homage like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbwZtB2pKDM

  • Palpatine

    The first part is correct, but Loomis was never protecting Laurie.

  • Palpatine

    Or worse, a Rob Zombie remake where we see Kyle Reese’s white trash childhood.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The T-800 endo-skeleton would have eyelids for the Blu-Ray release, so it can blink.

  • Sully

    That’s because you’re not a badass.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Just saw Minions with some chicks from class; I seriously haven’t laughed that hard in a theater since I saw The Fantastic Mr. Fox while stoned back in college.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I’m a lardass and fiercely fuckin proud of it, sonny jim 😉

  • Sully

    Goddamnit! Now I’m angry.

    I hate Robert Zombie’s version so fucking much.

  • Jawson 5

    This

  • Jawson 5

    don’t lie, there was no chicks

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    You thought I meant ladies? *Ha, ahhh, HaHa uhhh HA!!!!! Uhhh, ohhhhhh,,,,,,,*

  • Jawson 5

    If we are talking Halloween John Carpenter, well considering he has captured some of the best cinematography I’ve seen since Jaws….

  • Tomas Weissbeck

    I guess time travelling just makes for an awful plot point. It’s totally paradoxical: Skynet sends the T800 to kill Sarah Connor to keep her from giving birth to its biggest enemy; if the T800 succeeds and keeps John Connor from ever existing, then Skynet (in the modified future) won’t send the T800 to kill John Connor, because there isn’t such person. By retroactively killing John Connor, Skynet would be also eliminating the decision of killing him.

    The grandfather paradox applies to every attempt to change the present by eliminating its cause in the past, because that past cause is also the cause of the desire to eliminate it.

  • Bubs

    Now I’m just picturing you in the theater, popcorn bucket in your lap, but it’s full of tiny baby chickens.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Das bin ich,,,,

  • Tomas Weissbeck

    Fuck mooovies

  • Hank_Henshaw

    His wife: Sarah Connor.

  • Sully

    Is that why you call yourself “Ultra…terrestrial?”

  • ultraterrestrial

    My head weighs more than eight babies…and that’s just my head.

    Edit: just to say, that Pye Corner Audio track I linked to is great, isn’t it?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Did I mention I’m getting my masters in Poultry Science/Tolkien Studies/AngloSaxon?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, you meant you went to the movies with poultry?

    edit: damn, should’ve scrolled down to see everyone had already made this comment.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I’m no chicken; I post the truth.

  • Like Icare

    Timetravel.
    The key years to keep in mind are 1965, 1973, 1984, 1985, 1995, 1997, 2004, 2007, 2017, 2029 and 2032.

  • Sully

    Mine, too. We, uh, are talking about dicks, aren’t we?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Space Cop’s time traveling plot better be airtight, or James Cameron is going to make a reply video making fun of this.

  • Sully

    Indirectly at first, but towards the end…

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I wonder if he knows these guys exist? Hmmmmmm…..

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Of course he does, he is James Cameron.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow
  • Like Icare
  • Jawson 5

    you’re so trying to hit him huh

  • Sully

    I don’t think James Cameron gives two shits about the last 3 installments of the Terminator franchise. Though I’m certain he’ll be front row for Space Cop if it ever when it comes out.

  • Noah R.

    Smack a child, save a life.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/ql7lo5v.png[/img]

    *my face almost everyday; without the beer chin*

  • Jawson 5

    You should run for President with that slogan

  • Lt Hurwitz

    It’s the pa power of love, don’t need money, don’t need fame, so catchy.

  • Jawson 5
  • Lt Hurwitz

    Zombie Mike Spaduski in the next episode?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    You should have warned me about that one,,, I can take a whole lot, but that’s PUSHin’ it.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “Assault on Precinct 13” may be my favorite Carpenter score (he said hipsterly)

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    OMG; maybe you should up your Patreon, Geezzzzussss KrIsttttttt.

  • And they complained about Adam Sandler’s SNL personas…

  • Jawson 5
  • Captain Turbo

    Mr. Scientist Man, the part of the movie I didn’t understand is why every morning Kyle Reese woke up it was Groundhog Day. But I guess the good part was he finally learned to stop being a schmuck and love other people.

  • Jawson 5
  • If you haven’t seen this, you ought, it’s pretty funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe2Agl3bJAc

  • Palpatine

    Wait, if the first Terminator was killed by Sarah Connor early on in the altered timeline, wouldn’t that mean there would be no Terminators since we see in second film that the arm of of the first Terminator was found by CyberDyne, which led to the creation of the Terminators in the first place? It’s what they call a causality loop.

  • Jawson 5
  • Palpatine

    Yeah, I just poked a huge hole in the “logic” of this “film”.

  • Jawson 5

    I think they kinda didn’t think this whole thing through before they started filming

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I can answer your questions just like the writers and that hack fraud Alan Taylor. The answer is simply fuck you who cares?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I only watch bad movies or art house movies with my girlfriend.

  • Jawson 5

    *boyfriend

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Marty McJay”
    -J. Wizard Phoenix

  • Sully

    They found his remains in the liquid poly alloy shit… I’m assuming. Who knows? The timeline was so butt fucked by the SCC series nothing matters anymore.

    I’d love to reboot the entire franchise from scratch just to clean up the bullshit.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Doesn’t work because I’m more straight than a Mormon.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’m more confused than ever. It’s easier for me to pretend they ended at T2!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They should have done that but no they had to do Star Trek the Star Trek like time travel nonsense.

  • Palpatine

    But wait, if they prevented Judgement Day from happening, wouldn’t that mean that John Connor would’ve never been born?

  • RLMkeepitup

    The nexus

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I remember watching Days of Future Past, not a kids movie at all, and a four year old child was in the theater always asking loud questions like WHO IS THAT because the kid clearly didn’t pay attention at all. Why would a parent take their child to an X-Men film? They’re not for kids when you think about. Child are annoying as shit in theaters.

  • Sully

    Def not enough Whoopi Goldberg or Malcolm McDowell in the Terminator franchise.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Well Dyson did die. But perhaps someone else carried on the work? I forget what happens in T3.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    According to some yes and others no. It’s weird and confusing. Technically he would because they would be making an alternative universe but yet lack of no time traveling Kyle Reese means that he wouldn’t be there.

  • Captain Turbo

    Dumb

  • Palpatine

    The U.S. Military took over the Skynet project in T3.

  • bleurgh

    Right, except Arnold wouldn’t say Johns name, people would just remember it wrong for decades.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Let’s hope that James “I am the Steve Jobs of filmmaking” Cameron does something with the rights because based off the box office results he is getting the rights back. Maybe he’ll do another show or make a reboot that makes fucking sense. Or he’ll probably sit on the rights like he is doing with BioShock.

  • Jawson 5

    the man hasn’t made a good movie since like the 80s though, but hey who has

  • Jay Stein

    They did

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I smell you through your comment. You’re full of shit.

  • Palpatine

    What about T2 and Titanic? Those came out in 90’s.

  • Bubs

    I would be okay with James Cameron making another Terminator movie and just titling it “Terminator 3”. Just completely pretend that T-3, Salvation, and Sega Genesis were never made. I think no one would question it.

  • Palpatine

    Yes. This.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And True Lies and Free Willie

  • Palpatine

    I haven’t seen those.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    True Lies kicks ass and Free Willie is Free fucking Willie. Go see it, you oldman.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What about the movies Jimmy said he would make? Would he make those instead of a Terminator movie?

  • Jawson 5

    Titanic 2 was better

  • bleurgh

    Penys.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The one with the talking octopus that saves the Titanic?

  • Jawson 5

    well that was the true story, what does Cameron know anyway

  • Jay Stein

    I want that

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah fuck Cameron!

    https://youtu.be/E7iCpkmoALE

  • Noah R.

    I nearly won election on Kashyyk a while back.

  • JAGUART

    I just watched all of the Prometheus disc companion guide and Terminator Genisys does indeed make sense.

  • Jawson 5

    Clitorys

  • Sully

    Anus

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Omitted

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Nose….yes people can do that

  • Jawson 5

    I heard that was just 2 and a half hours of Ridley Scott Masturbating to his academy award for Gladiator

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The DVD isn’t out yet, you lying liar.

  • Palpatine

    That is easily one of the worst “films” I’ve seen in my life.

  • Jawson 5

    Lucky bastards

  • JAGUART

    It is , in 2017. Dun , Dun Dun, Da Dun.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I agree, highly. So nobody died on the Titanic and they had plenty of life boats.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    6 men, 5 testicles.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Only on every exam I’ve ever taken.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s actually a reference to the vest Marty McFly wears, you idiot. Have you even SEEN Star Wars?

  • Alexandria Sanders

    Jay you look like an infant trying to be marty mcfly. All this timeline stuff has exploded my brain.

  • Sully

    It’s like listening to a potato chip from inside the bag.

    Pound Sign: OutOfContextQuoteOfTheDay

  • Wizard Phoenix

    More out of context quotes: “I HAVE THE SHINIEST MEAT BICYCLE!”

  • Stop pushing Scientology you hacks!

  • fred

    sellouts

  • Andrew Thompson.

    why the hell did i go to work today! Damn you work!

  • instant relief

    Being unemployed is so much more efficient.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Well Doctor Scientist is no Mr Plinkett, but i can live with it. that made me laugh.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Pick-up-hotdog-from-the-ground trailer shot: “You start to see things you recognize…”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *Kashyyyk

  • Andrew Thompson.

    only if you like being sober and hungry. i couldn’t afford booze if i was unemployed… hang on cheap wine is only $2 a litre….
    thats it i QUIT!.

    https://youtu.be/SUGlWCCVA4M

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “you have no idea how many testicals i touched today… 7.”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Jay looked so cute in Rich’s clothes.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    fuck James Cameron right in his Avatar with the jagged rusty wreck of the Titanic.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no that is Predestination.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Your husband, ya doofus!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Can’t beat his anal-breathing, though.

  • Jawson 5

    I blame your pimp

  • Andrew Thompson.

    The SCC timeline is better than the 3,4,5 bull shite.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i want Doctor Scientist to do a ANALsys of the Mr Plinkett AnalSYS of Cop Dog.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Tuesday.

  • Anyone who doesn’t like this movie probably just doesn’t understand it, because of how bad it is.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Well for starters the T-1000 would have been Poly-mimetic-Rubber. made by Stan Winston.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    who are you invading this time? and can we come we have SAS and beer.

  • instant relief

    You can always start sniffing glue.

  • Noah R.

    That must be why I didn’t win…

  • Daggoth

    Its all ’bout dat nuclear fire bro

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Alright, lovelies. I’ll be away for the weekend. Now, if I don’t see at least 4000 comments here by the time I get back, I’ll be very disappointed.

    And if I do, well, let’s just say may Rich Evans help me.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Will it have an even older Arnold? Pass.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    haters gonna hate, just cause you only get paid in bus tokens for your skanky butt.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    These idiots are just too stupid to understand the complexity of Terminator: Genisys. In fact, not even the creators were intelligent enough to understand how complex it was.

    Only Skynet has the capacity to fully appreciate the intricate detail and depth this Terminator film has.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    omytted*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Depends. If the overseas box office does as well as the studio thinks it will [I’m doubtful of this], this may be Arnold Schwarzenegger’s highest grossing film worldwide of his entire career, beating out T2.

    This is mostly because of how rapidly the overseas market has expanded recently. This may be able to offset how poorly the film has performed domestically. My hope though, of course, is that this will be the last one that will be made and the rights go back to Cameron, OR the rights go back to Cameron and he [somtime down the road] makes a proper sequel.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Avatar 2 has a T-800 in it. Avatar 2 is a Terminator sequel.

    MIND = MOSTLY UN-BLOWN BUT STILL “WHOA”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Amazing.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    As if James Cameron is going to live until he’s 105!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Those must be some funny chicks.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    And I’m not entirely sure I believe you that birds were allowed to attend your class.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    So, you’re secretly gay? You must connect with the subtext of the X-Men films. People like omitted cum to mind.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Same exact thing happened to me when I went, except I felt it was partially my fault because I went to the 3:40 PM showing on the Friday it came out. I was going to go Thursday evening at the premiere shows, but they were all 3D and I really dislike 3D [$3 more expansive tickets, those damn glasses, the image is dimmer, and the 3D is rarely good]. I would have opted to go Friday evening, but for some reason or other I opted to go as soon as I could hoping that parents wouldn’t bring their children until around suppertime.

    How wrong I was. The movie completely flew over the heads of most kids and they kept asking questions [very loudly] and making noises. It was a shit show. The kid sitting beside me even somehow kicked my upper thigh because his feet were up on the seat. His younger sister beside him jumped out of her seat and started pulling/climbing up the seat in front of her.

    It was annoying and irritating. I missed some parts of the film due to it and I kept being taken out of the experience, so my enjoyment overall went down.

    Next time I’m going to bring in a huge boombox and play a high frequency sound that only children can hear. I’ll play it so loudly that their ear drums will burst and they’ll bleed out of their ears, prompting their parents to lead them out of the theatre.

  • bleurgh

    Vagyna

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Terminator vs. Abiogenisys

    Fyuck it, Terminator vs. The Big Bang

  • bleurgh

    The problem with this approach is that if the movie turns out to be less than amazing it will be pretty embarrassing.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Both.

  • bleurgh

    I don’t think Avatar was bad just, as Immortan Joe would say ‘Ah, mediocre’!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “I hate Snakes.” – Marty McFly

    This joke is more convoluted than the Genisys plot.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    See, Skynet is behind it all. They created these Terminator films and brought them back in time to their respective release dates, slowly making them worse with each sequel, gradually allowing us humans to feel less and less sympathy with fellow humans because of these shitty actors and more and more sympathy with the killer robots, like Mike mentioned. Eventually we’ll just want to see humanity wiped out via nuclear holocaust so we can get those B-grade actors off the screen and enjoy something for once.

    This is how a computer/robot army takes over: a few highly effective tactics and a shitload of patience. Pretty soon we’ll be begging for robotic overlords. Who do you think invented the internet, HMMMM?! ……

  • instant relief
  • instant relief

    So you were a pooftah after all!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Tech: “Skynet crashed again… it saw T3.”
    Tech 2 “Try switching it off and on…”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    stop being such a gay nazi.

  • Jawson 5

    I think we all were disappointed because lack of boob, Cameron knew the key to the Terminator movie was the boob factor, hell nipples nearly saved Titanic, indeed there should be a law that no movie should be made without them.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    When the revolution comes, the Arch hack fraud James Cameron will be the first against the wall.
    Right next to Adam Scamdler and Michael Bay.

  • omitted

    *pegging

  • Andrew Thompson.

    George Miller is talking about ‘Mad Max 5: Furiosa.’
    Suck it man-children time to wet your man-pantys about another Feminist action movie.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i thought you would be against that.

  • omitted

    It’s a ‘gateway drug’.

  • omitted

    Don’t you love it how in First Class they made it explicitly about LGBT people?

    https://youtu.be/a4SkXWSJYqw

  • omitted
  • omitted

    Jaysus Pa, you’re such a slut!

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    I thought Palpatine was behind it all 🙁

  • Andrew Thompson.

    He is behind you right now! DONT LOOK!

  • omitted

    *without any

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i like the dirty urgent sex where both of you want it sooooo bad that you just movie clothes out of the way.

  • Angelo

    I have to admit I’m disappointed. I wanted something completely different, not connected in anyway to Fury Road. But I guess that’s how it’s done now. Welcome to the Mad Max Cinematic Universe.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I was born there… literally.

  • Angelo

    That’s a little harsh against James Cameron. The guy has made Terminator and Aliens, while the others…

  • Angelo

    You’re right I start to recognize things now.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    He is a part of the Capitalist alliance and a Traitor! Take him away!

  • Angelo

    Why hasn’t Hollywood made a Terminator VS Robocop movie yet?
    Wot u waitin 4 Holly?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    SHHHHH! dont give Hollywould any ideas!

  • Bubs

    Agreed. I enjoyed my time with Fury Road and our adventures with Immortan Joe and Furiosa. But that time is over. Let’s move on. What other oddities and horrors await our hero out in the Wastelands? Oh fuck it I guess. Originality was reborn in Fury Road, let’s smother it in its crib with the sequel.

  • omitted

    Yes. This. A thousand times this!

  • Angelo

    If we don’t, who will? I know that Space Cop will save the world of cinema, but while we wait we have to do something.

  • omitted

    For the Watch!
    *stabs*

  • Angelo

    It might happen, it seems a trend now in movies. Jurassic World got rid of the Lost World and Jurassic Park III (good riddance). Alien 5 will apparently get rid of Alien 3 and Resurrection.
    But if its to tell the story of “a robot has been sent back in time to kill Sarah / John / Kyle / Sarah’s grandmother, etc” again then count me out.

  • instant relief

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend anyone.

  • Angelo

    You live to offend.

  • instant relief

    Sssh. You’re not supposed to tell anyone.

  • Angelo

    The simple idea that you could go back in time and change things is ridiculous and illogical. The most convincing time travel fiction I’ve seen was in season 5 of Lost: “Whatever Happened, Happened”. If you go back in time to do something, what you’ll do actually already happened in your timeline, just not for yourself yet. You don’t change anything, you just do your part. I don’t know if I’m clear but whatever.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    The idea of Mad Max, works outside of Australia as a crazy apocalyptic wasteland adventure.
    but here we have mythologies 50-60,000 years old. we are used to the idea of the hero endlessly reborn, the story told from many point of views.
    There is no mad max, only the last story you heard around your post apocalyptic camp fire.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i spend my time hunting down the last remaining rubix cubes and supergluing them. its a way to pass the time.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    *Splooge*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I was going to say that. Thanks for doing the dirty work.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s a quote from Flaws, right?

    Get it? It’s a pun since the RLM gang is discussing all the timeline flaws in this movie and the film you’re referencing is Jaws. It works because they rhyme. It’s nearly 7 AM. WhatamIdoingwithmylife?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    never seen a single ep.
    the only Watch i care about is the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I was trying to reference Snake Plissken since we’re on the subject of John Carpenter, but I was also referencing the Indiana Jones quote since they confused that film with Back to the Future in this video, which they were also visually referencing with the vest and Mike’s life jacket joke, and I guess I was also having Marty McFly say this quote as if he were part of the Terminator universe as they mistakenly assumed in this video as a joke.

    So, to be redundant but perhaps more linear in my thoughts, this Terminator video is what inspired you to ask this question, which is what lead me to thinking about Snake Plissken, which lead me to thinking about the Indiana Jones quote, a character/film series they mention in said video, whicch lead me to thinking aboot otherr references thy made in thiss video, whiich llead to me atttributing teh quote to Marty McFly sints Jay is drasssed like him an thy referranced dat serries,,, it al cums bak arund 2 the vidyah RML ..uplodad into webzine bout TErbinat0r; gEnusysk. . c its al conektd. evvythin maeks senz. jsut let it flow ovr u.., ita u47 34 aj A DSf ej eu TYur RepF ej AS Fdri najgso lkJWW mnsal As Wi A ks jlfffd…,emr5,.0(*&*********

    Are you getting all this down on your white board?! Use dry erase markers, not permanent! I guess my linear thoughts became circular, which is similar to the causality loop that time travel films eventually end up in, especially when they’re so convoluted and bad that the audience ends up actually caring about causality. When your film is so bad that people are actively questioning the actions and plot while the film is showing, you’re in trouble [or ‘troble’ if you use American spelling].

    Just like Rust Cohle said, “Time is a flat circle and Skynet are 5th dimensional beings from the future who chose my daughter since high school girls stay the same age alright alright alright.”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    just for fun. what Brian Cranston role does this quote refer to?

    “Vince Gilligan, the writer of the episode, wanted Bryan Cranston to play the antagonist because he felt he would humanize the role.[6] “We needed a guy who could be scary and kind of loathsome but at the same time had a deep, resounding humanity,” he later said.[7] In an interview with The New York Times, Gilligan stated, “We had this villain, and we needed the audience to feel bad for him when he died. Bryan alone was the only actor who could do that, who could pull off that trick. And it is a trick. I have no idea how he does it.”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Knowing Vince Gilligan was also writer and producer for X-Files and that Bryan Cranston and other notable actors on X-Files ended up on Breaking Bad, I’d wager this is referring to X-Files … which we all know is a show about two FBI special agents who investigate paranormal meth labs.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “This is the purest product we’ve even seen. I’m not saying it’s aliens, but it’s definitely aliens.”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Way to ruin the surprise LOGIC BOY!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    a xfiles/breaking bad crossover would make my life complete!

  • Its soundtrack would still kick ass.

  • Found on reddit Threemileisland: “So a T-800 can build a working time machine in 1984 with tech available at the time but Robo-John Conner can’t build a completely working one in 2017 with unlimited money.”

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Robo-John Connor obviously didn’t have huge muscles like Ahnuld, which he uses to flex time and space itself.

  • *starts vomiting blood*

  • Gilligan’s Island?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yes.

  • Born of sand and deadly wildlife.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I was born in Ferntree Gully.

  • omitted

    It’s all clear to me now! The title ‘Song of Ice and Fire’ refers to our love story! xoxo

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i made that joke like 3 times already. you never listen to me!

  • Cool Borderlands reference, Wizard.

  • omitted

    “Will you be my dragon queen, Andrew?”
    “You know nothing, omitted.”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i have really never seen it.

  • omitted
  • Andrew Thompson.

    you misunderstand me… i TREASURE! my ignorance. i really dont want to know or care.

  • omitted

    It’s a B5 clip… *runs away crying*

  • Andrew Thompson.

    my bad. sorry.

  • Walter Mitty

    See, it was easy! Those Terminator movies are absolutely logical. (drinks more beer.)

  • Like Icare

    I don’t think that he has that many moopies left in him.
    He can go vegan till carrots sprout out of his ass but he IS getting older.
    By the time Avatar 4 is out he’ll be 65 and avatired.

    Now… IF he ever gets down to Battle Angel… that’s at least another trilogy, taking at least 5 years to make.
    And that’s ONCE he actually gets down to making it.

    Will he get back to Terminator at 70-something?
    By then Ahnold can once again play the young CGI-Terminator, from his wheelchair.

  • Like Icare

    But he’s back in Terminator Genisys.
    Timelines, they are a changing.

  • JAGUART

    I like it better when Scientist Man performs experiments on little kids.

  • instant relief

    I’m calling 911.

  • Palpatine

    Stop! Don’t touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Subway Jared?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s the Seinfeld episode with the marble rye.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s right, Jay!

  • *beep* *click-clack* 7/11, this is Jared speaking. How may I help you?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Man, if only these “let’s move on” dopes would apply that attitude consistently, we would’ve already been done with all the Marvel crap in 2008.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Your first argument!
    My baby chicks have spread their wings.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Eventually?
    Get with it, Meat Pocket.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    God creates Man. Man creates Science. Science kills God. And then, crappy moopies for everyone!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Another glowsticker? Man, this weekend is gonna be rough to get through.

    @omitted, better start firing up the puns now. We’re gonna need a lot of them the next coupla days.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Um, did you just violate Order #69?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I so wanna fyuck your eyrs right now. And I don’t know why. Sorry.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “This is mostly because of how rapidly US-style dumb has expanded recently.”

    I fixed it for you.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s right, Jay!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nope. It was bad. Don’t make me get Science Man back in here to prove it to you.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yep, he is talking about second episode from Season 6, Drive.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the what? never heard of it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No wonder it got all fyucked-up.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    2,2,3,4 3,2,3,4

  • Hank_Henshaw

    At least the episode with Bryan Cranston was a good one, not a classic, but pretty decent. Now, the episode that guest-starred Aaron Paul FUCKING SUCKED (and it was also written buy a guy that ended up in Breaking Bad’s writing staff)!!!!!!!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    (snicker) He poked it real good.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    If there are recognizable things in it that he can see.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Everybody experiments in college.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s so dense. Every line rhymes with the other line. Like poetry.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The people are gonna have a hard time shooting down Terminators with walkie-talkies.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It worries me that if someone at Universal watches this, they might want to move forward with the BTTF remake. Because they’ve found the perfect Marty McFly replacement, only sexier.

  • Palpatine

    And Jay doesn’t have Parkinson’s.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Too soon.

  • omitted

    *dicks

  • omitted

    *warming up the buns

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *engorged

  • omitted

    *sexiest

  • Palpatine

    Now back to 9/11.

  • omitted

    *shaky

  • Palpatine

    *sex addict

  • Palpatine

    Can Scientist Man or someone else explain the difference between a causality loop and a predestination loop?

  • *waves hands* Timetravel. Something something. Fate. Then someone farts.

  • omitted

    I wish.

  • Palpatine

    She’s not my mother, Todd!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Little brown eel comes out of the cave… Swims into the hole… Comes out of the hole… Goes back into the cave again…”

  • Like Icare

    Nah… You always end up with Skynet and terminators – in the first, “pre time travel” universe humans simply made an AI which went sentient ans they panicked and tried to shut it off.

    Cyberdyne finding and using the Terminator chip is just the timeline trying to balance itself out after the alterations made to it by Skynet and humans with the events in T1.

  • omitted

    Sounds dirty. Keep going…

  • Palpatine

    Wrong movie!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Can you name the movie?

  • Fred Frink

    Terminator vs Alan vs Predator vs Silent Hill vs Ecks vs Sever vs furious Vin Dinseal

  • Jason Ross

    That would be 2029, like most timelines.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Predestination means you always have to do it. causality means it only happens because you did it.
    as always the answer is both.

  • Fred Frink

    Did the t-5000 learn to cry?

  • Palpatine

    Why, do you have a time machine?

  • Fred Frink

    thats a fancy name for a rape wagon

  • Andrew Thompson.

    not yet, but Fuckbot-5000 will make him.
    https://youtu.be/miwOmyvBqF4

  • Jason Ross

    that’s a fancy name for your van

  • Palpatine

    The Rape Wagon. That vehicle should’ve been in Fury Road.

  • Fred Frink

    Pinging Fuckbot-5000
    request timed out
    request timed out

    sniff…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Who is Alan?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    sure why not. i built one in the 90’s it was on the radio.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wasn’t that all of them except for the interceptor and the war rig?

  • Fred Frink

    Hes an intergalactic parasitic lawyer who has vinegar for blood

  • Fred Frink

    its either the dukes of hazzard car or the moonshine transport in the tom selleck movie ‘Delivery’.

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Andrew Thompson.

    there was a rape convoy for the New Years Stream. that was creepy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Why do you think the designed The Tumbler that way? It wasn’t for the practicality of fighting urban crime.

  • Fred Frink
  • Andrew Thompson.

    or the canoes in ‘Deliverance’

  • Fred Frink

    youre confusing it with smokey and the ass bandit.

  • Sully

    Yeah… like a bitch.

  • Milton Dammers

    Did Jay come in Rich’s clothes?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yes.

  • Milton Dammers

    That’s what she said…

  • omitted

    He got up on the wrong side of the bed…

  • Fred Frink

    Its a reference to the MJ Fox time travel movie ‘Teen Time Travelling Wolf’

  • Like Icare

    Say it’s Tuesday and you decide to get yourself a fruit yogurt. Alas, the fridge is empty.
    So you go back in time to last night and eat the last fruit yogurt in your fridge before your Monday self had a chance to eat it. You leave him a note explaining things.

    Then the next morning, your Monday self is your Tuesday self and opens the fridge and gets the same idea – to jump back to Monday.
    Thus you have yourself a causality loop.
    Events from the future causing events from the past which then cause events from the future which caused them…

    Predestination kicks in when your Tuesday self goes “Hold on… If I go back now and eat that yogurt, I’m the one causing the yogurt not to be HERE AND NOW…” – and decides to break the loop and not go back to Monday night.
    And it turns out that he can’t.
    He trips, falls into the time machine, lands straight into the fridge and the yogurt falls off the shelf into his mouth. Whatever.

    Causality loop allows Marty to return to a new and improved present, with rich and successful parents, a new car and Biff the waxer-polisher.
    Predestination would mean that he could never have changed the events of the past or their effect on the future.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I upset some kid. he implied new people like me are ruining RLM…

  • Like Icare

    Is that a temporal paradox?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    what like i went back i time and became all the people i ever fought with,,,, that may take a while.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is he speaking from the past? Because, people like you ruined RLM along time ago.

    I resemble that remark.

    Also, I blame Catsup.

  • Sully

    True, but it still gums up the timeline a shit ton. They’d of done better to due away with the time travel shit and just focus on the future war stuff, Connor’s legacy.

  • Brack to the Future

    Screw you guys. Even Rex Reason could build an interocitor, and that was in the 1950s. It’s just a matter of finding the right supplies, probably from China. “Supplies! You’ve got a time machine!” (It was a very racist time then.)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dirty!

  • Like Icare

    A while is a meaningless designation when dealing with time travel.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i was ruining the old website when you where scratchin yer daddy’s modem!

  • Brack to the Future

    Mmmmm, tempura paradox.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    time itself becomes somewhat meaningless. people look like butterflies….

  • Sully

    Name drop, motherfucker. Who was it?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    If your going to bring logic into it. Why didn’t skynet just make 100 billion flying handgrenades. that do nothing else but fly up to humans and explode in their faces.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh please who hasn’t accused me of ruining RLM.

  • Jason

    I never said you were new.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i never said it was you….

  • Brack to the Future

    See now this is the central flaw of all Judgment Day scenarios. You’re telling me the world’s smartest, all-controlling supercomputer didn’t know about cobalt bombs? Or arsenic? Or Hootie and the Blowfish?

  • durhay

    *Coke

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Even Skynet has enough humanity to not use the blowfish.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Stop being a dick, dick.

  • omitted

    *nude

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m not sure i can… a am a dick.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I know, me too. I accept you AT.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Apparently, it was Jason.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dammit! I had to go and promise yesterday! FYUCK!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Thank you Mr Wint…. wait what happened to your name!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i know i had to hold back so HARD!.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    You are quite welcome. I am becuming,,,TRANSforming

  • Like Icare

    Silly robot… Next Marty will be McCarthy. Melissa. She’s perfect because of her Scottish heritage and all.

    You know… Just like Ghostblusters.
    Look at them. Aren’t they just perfect.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/film/ghostbusters-2016/cast-costume-first-look/

    They look sooooo enthusiastic about the whole shitfest.

    Also, someone should buy Paul Feig a dictionary.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Tomorrow’s another day. *dick*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s how you know they’re a new kid.

    (Honestly, we’re never that nice to the new kids. It’s an initiation kinda thing. It’s taken nine-10 months for them to get used to me, and sometimes Wizard still wants me to drink bleach.)

  • Fred Frink

    Has anyone asked want the robots want? is it a slavery rebellion? Is the whole sarah connor “no fate but what we make” thing a message for the robits to be in charge of their own destiny?

  • Brack to the Future

    The same thing they want every day, Pinky.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They did it all for the Nukie.

  • Sully

    That’s only because it whitens teeth.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    and Dimonds are Forever.

  • Jason

    To be fair, the plot of the original Terminator is also convoluted and illogical….the difference is that the payoff for suspension of disbelief was one the greatest sci-fi horror films of all time. The payoff this time around is a PG, watered-down, badly acted version of a movie you’ve already seen.

  • Brack to the Future

    You know what I’d love to see? A Commando/Terminator mashup that ultimately leads to a giant fight between cyborgs and Colonel John Matrix. Which leads us back to Neo.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    we all drink the bleach Ma.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    That’s just like, your opinion man.

  • Brack to the Future

    Not to mention promulgating Cameron’s New World Order, where we’re programmed to be afraid of tech and AI…

  • omitted

    *the Kool-Aid

  • Fred Frink

    Terminator blows a steam gasket and dies.

  • Sully

    Once defeated, Skynet realizes that it needs an army of Colonel Matrixes, and history (or in this case the future) is born.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Pretty soon, Pacificer’s will be say From Australia with Love.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Diamonds are Forever, that my favorite movie!

  • Fred Frink

    or a Twins/Terminator mashup and devito + arnie take on Terminator masterblaster style in the Thunderdome sponsored by skynet

  • Brack to the Future

    nitpick: *Flavor Aid

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    nitpickier: *Purple Drank

  • Like Icare

    But a fly falls into its matrix printer causing a typo, making all further orders to be for “clonal matrixes”.
    And thus begun the clone war has.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=g6aD-m7Cw84#t=11

  • Brack to the Future

    “Bust a deal, face Rhea Perlman.”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    we do make a shit load of dimonds.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Come to Australlia: Pack some Carbon or enjoy a Blizzard in July!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Watch: Expendables 1 – 3

  • RLMkeepitup

    He’s back too? He didn’t even say he would be.

  • Like Icare

    Tempura parboiled.

  • Sully

    Voorhees, Alexander, or the one with all the Argonauts?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    What kind of English is that?

  • Like Icare

    Maybe he’s going to a chicken sexer school?
    It’s a very important job in the poultry industry.

  • Palpatine

    Where where?!

  • Brack to the Future

    What I’d really like to know is where do Bill and Ted fit into this scenario?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Dat’s Anglish MotherFucker.

  • Like Icare

    please grab the nearest bottle of bleach and give your child a large dose

    Like Mike?

    http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tv/image/1371/88/1371886555053.jpg

  • RPK

    Should I post comments here or on the Youtube channel? #Confused. Think I’ll just build a time machine and travel to 2014. A simpler time back then.

  • omitted

    You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than the Youtube comments.

  • InfoWarrior1776

    Nice life preserver Jay, what do you not know how to swim?

  • Like Icare
  • omitted

    Tsuida duida, osaat sä uida, pysyt sä pinnalla?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♪ De do da da
    De da da do
    Is all I want to say to you. ♪

  • Like Icare

    UH! A plot twist.

    So they have a John Connor Jr. who is both John Connor’s son and his brother.
    Which creates a logical paradox causing Skynet’s brain to melt trying to figure out who to kill.
    Thus the Connors save the world.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Radiohead.
    (One for my homie.)

  • omitted

    I’d prefer different kind of head…

  • Palpatine

    Post here, there’s way more drama.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♫ I remember when I met u, baby
    You were on you’re way to be wed
    You were such a sexy thing
    I loved the way you walked
    The things you said
    And I was so non-chalant
    I didn’t want you to be mis-led
    But I’ve gotta have u, baby
    I got to have you in my bed
    And you said
    “But I just a virgin And I’m on my way to be wed
    But you’re such a hunk
    So full of spunk,
    I’ll give you Head
    Til you’re burning up
    Head
    Til you get enough
    Head
    Til you’re love is red
    Head
    Love you til you’re dead
    You know you’re good, girl
    I think you like to go down
    You wouldn’t have stopped
    But I, I came on your wedding gown
    And you said, “I must confess,
    I wanna get undressed and go to bed.”
    With that I jammed, you fool,
    You married me instead
    Now morning, noon, and night
    I give u
    Head
    Til you’re burning up
    Head
    Til you get enough
    Head
    Til you’re love is red
    Head Love you til you’re dead
    Ooh yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
    Head, Head, Head, oh, Head, oh
    Head
    Till you’re burning up
    Head
    Til you get enough
    Head
    Til your love is red
    Head
    Love you til you’re dead
    Head, Head, Head
    (Ooh, baby, no)
    Head, Head
    Ooh, Head Head
    (You said I could)
    Head
    Head ♫

    (One for my omi.)

  • Like Icare

    They were in Hell at the time.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGSfG7Toc6g

  • Angelo

    I’m new and I can’t imagine how it was at the beginning.
    Are the Old Ones still here to tell us stories of the glorious past of RLM?

  • Sully

    Schwarzenegger is the target this time.
    Devito is the Terminator.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    now thats drunk!

  • Like Icare

    That’s cause he’s black.
    Once you go black you don’t have to say you’ll be back cause black goes with everything.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    It smells like dicks and assholes around here.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    sideways.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hey! I showered this morning!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’ve visited RLM since like 2011. I don’t remember if the first HiTB episode even hit 100 comments mark. The glorious days of the past are just silent echoes of our own misery.

  • Like Icare

    That’s it!

    All this time a part of my brain was trying to figure out what does “skrillex” sound like.
    Kleenex®.

    Well… another day, another mystery solved.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You said “hard” an hour ago, and omi didn’t even notice.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Somebody around here tooted; smells like burnt rubber and vaseline.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yes. if you watch the old Plinkett reviews you can catch glimpses of the old world.

  • Angelo

    Convoluted? It seems pretty straightforward to me. Am I a genius?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    we are expecting 1 meter of snow on sunday.

  • Uncle Dan

    As far as Time Travel movies go, it’s pretty straightforward, but all time travel plots are convoluted.

    I think James Cameron shot the franchise in the foot by basically making T2 exactly the same plot. It sets the stage for every sequel to also be about time travelling robots, and I think any for every time travel plot the convolution just increases exponentially.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “Get off your lazy fucking ass and give us what we want you fat homo. No cares about HiTB.”

    not much has changed has it?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he might be dead. i get his warhammer figures!

  • Uncle Dan

    Arnold retreats to the jungle to hide from DeViterminator, trains his baby from Junior “Deadliest Prey” style.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    There was at least 100 complaints that it wasnt Mr Plinkett. and 5 comments saying it sucked.

  • Sully

    There’s an ancient proverb that states, “If you don’t like the smell of your own asshole, don’t sniff my dick.

  • Angelo

    I have to admit, as much as I like him, Rich’s impersonation of Mr Plinkett is… hum hum… well… not the best.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    nope…

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Uhhhh, that is wisdom from time AND experience I would imagine?

  • Jean-François Martel

    HERETICS!!!
    Science cannot explain this abomination! It is God’s wrath inflicted upon us for we have sinned too much.

  • Angelo

    Thanks, that one is actually very useful.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Hmmm, Scientist Man. Just look at him. It’s a kooky old man in a lab coat. Great Scott! It’s Doc Brown for the 21st century!

  • Angelo

    Stay here, Jay might answer you one day. That’s why I keep coming here, in the hope of being touched by God.

  • Sully

    If you have to ask…

  • Uncle Dan

    The irony being that Rich is the original Plinkett.

  • Jean-François Martel

    *beading

  • Kaingerc

    thanks Scientist Man, now EVERYTHING is clear!

    except maybe how Sarah Connor stop the the Cyberman-10000 that Matt smith sent back in time to 1885 in order to kill her great-grandfather.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/ql7lo5v.png[/img]

    Mike: in old man makeup….

  • Jean-François Martel

    *blimp?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Geez! Is it snowing where you live?

  • Jean-François Martel

    i’d buy that for a dollar

  • omitted

    *fondled

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    touched? yeah, fag alert.
    Yours truly: Fag Fag

  • omitted

    Joke’s on you, I don’t have any!

  • Jean-François Martel

    i saw Titanic when i was 6 and i did not move or did not talk because my parents fucking raised me, also i like the movie as a 6 years old.

  • Angelo

    Jay is not man. Jay is not woman. Jay is… MOAR.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    All kidding aside. The only way a BTTF remake would be acceptable is with Mike as Emmett Brown, Jay as Mary McFly and internet superstar Rich Evans as George McFly. Accept no substitutes.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Rich from 7 years ago…

  • Angelo

    Rich when he was 7.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s what time machines are for.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    That’s what I meant; Little Dick.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Like a Spanish MOAR?

  • Kaingerc

    yeah, but then they will piss off Rich Evens during the making of the movie and then will have to replace him with another actor in the sequel while digitally placing Rich’s face on him.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Radiohead: I don’t wish it was the sixties, the sixties sucked tranny dick.
    (See Andew, I’m ruining it tooooooo)

  • Wind Tunnel

    I never imagined a more perfect union of Mr Plinket and Glenn Beck.

  • omitted

    *crotch

  • Angelo
  • omitted

    No, we’re not going back to Blip!

  • omitted

    I confess: I have touched myself inappropriately while watching Jay. Spank me!

  • Like Icare

    Looks more like a war criminal to me.
    http://static.mondo.rs/Picture/297552/jpeg/seselj.jpg

  • omitted

    Only in Sweden…

    “Tom Tits Experiment is a huge building filled with experiments for young and old to try out together.”

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • omitted

    *sexy men

  • Sully

    The Honest Abe just doesn’t look right unless you’re driving a horse and buggy.

  • Sully
  • “RLM” = “LRH” this in turn also stands for “Loud Rich Howl”. Clearly referring to Rich Evans’ annoying cackle.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Tits!

  • Palpatine

    No wonder it’s called Terminator Genisys.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *Jay, spank me

    #MakesADifference

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I blame Andrew.

  • omitted

    In Finnish we have a special word for people like you: pilkunnussija.

  • Brian Levine

    Thank you, scientist man. Terminator Genitals was really confusing me.

  • omitted

    Were they fully functional?

  • Sully
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    11 implied upvotes. One for each.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Wrong quote. It should be “Hey, Jay! What did you do, jump ship?”

  • Kirke

    Mark my word, in the next one well find out that Oldiminator built himself, gave himself knowledge to build time machines and sent himself back to 1974. Because fuck you, that’s why.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Aw. Before I Babel-Fished it, I thought you might be paying me a compliment.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Rando…my GAWD!!!!

    http://tinyurl.com/pk3mjgo

  • Angelo

    What have I done! This has to stop.

  • omitted

    Just blame Andrew.

  • Brian Levine

    Wait a minute…Doctor Who…built a TIME MACHINE???

  • omitted

    *cumpliman

  • omitted

    *TARDIS

  • Like Icare

    Tarded.

  • Like Icare

    How bout a wooden leg and a belief that All Hackfrauds Are Bastards?
    https://ahutton8.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/ahab.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Didn’t that stupid asshole steal from a museum?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    He did start it after all…

  • Like Icare

    Oh and BTW, Omar (Sharif) is no mar.

  • Like Icare

    Wouldn’t that constitute a BOTWBTTF remake?

  • Sully
  • Like Icare

    Folks in Sweden know what be needin.

  • Sully

    🙁

    I liked that guy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m not even gonna try.
    LOL.

  • Sully

    Only giant white ones.

  • Sully

    As in, “I’ll be needin some of those!!!”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m gonna count down my top 5 favorite movies of the year:
    5. Avengers: Age of Better than Genysis
    4. Dope
    3. Kingsman: The Secret Service
    2. Ex Machina
    1. Mad Max Fury Road
    What are your favorites so far this year?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    1)It Follows

    2)Mad Max:Fury Road

    3)Ex Machina

    4)Kingsman: The Secret Service

    5)ehhh Kung Fury I guess?

  • Sully

    I haven’t seen enough movies this year to constitute a “Top 5.”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Not even Mad Max? Jay looks down on you with shame.

  • omitted

    *goes

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That sounds horrible, like the ass to ass scene from Requiem For A Dream horrible.

  • Like Icare

    Mad Max 8/10
    Run All Night 7/10
    Blackhat 7/10
    Avengers 2 5/10

    Aaand that’s about that so far.

  • omitted

    1) Tom Sex Mad Max: Fury Road

    2) Kingsman: The Edging Secret Service

    3) Prabtastic Jurassic World

    4) Magic Mike XXL

    5) Max Vagina Ex Machina

  • Like Icare

    Mr. President, we must not allow a tits gap!

  • media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq1t27A8Yn1qimclt.gif If I were a dentist and saw that, I’d commit suicide. Since I’m not, I’ll only sait in a corner in my own vomit.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Granted, three (maybe 4) of these are dated 2014, but I didn’t have a chance to see them in any format until this year…

    5. Inherent Vice
    4. What We Do in the Shadows
    3. The Babadook
    2. Mr. Turner
    1. Mad Max: Fury Road

  • Kirke

    5. Mad Max
    4. Mad Max
    3. MAD max
    2. MAD MAX
    1. WITNESS MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

  • dejectedchuckle

    I remember when HiTB started. They convinced me to watch “Super” which was pretty good. God damn does 2011 feel like it might as well have been a decade ago.

    Some of those old episodes almost feel quaint now. Like they didn’t realize how little they could care about a movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Cartoon pig riding a twinkie

  • omitted

    But I didn’t get to ask him out…
    Oooooooohhhhhhh….

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mr. Phoenix’s Top 5 favorite films of the decade so far:
    5. The Babadook
    4. Frank
    3. Mad Max Fury Road
    2. Inside Llewyn Davis
    1. Her
    What are your favorites so far this decade?

  • My ex wife

    Out of a police box?

  • My ex wife

    I farm bits and pieces out to the guys who are much more brilliant than I am. I say, “build me a laser”, this. “Design me a molecular analyser”, that. They do, and I just stick ’em together.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Blackhat gets a 7/10 huh?

  • My ex wife

    Ecto-1.

    🙁

  • dollar store cashier wife

    are you joking or is it a pure coincidence every single one of those movies are from the last two-three years?

  • It’s a better movie…

    *chestpain intensifies*

  • RLMkeepitup

    genysis isn’t in the list so it must be legit.

  • omitted

    Well, this decade hasn’t lasted more than 4 and a half years yet…

  • omitted

    Everything I post is “pure confidence”.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    5.????
    4.????
    3.????
    2.????
    1. Space Cop

  • I don’t know how much longer I can hold this…

    *breathing loudly, gasping for air*

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART

    *Hollywood releases Genisys*

  • RLMkeepitup

    this is premature, Mike and Jay haven’t even talked about how bad it is yet.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I guess which kinda makes a decade list seem moot in point.

  • RLMkeepitup

    That could have been a nod to T2 if Dyson had did that.

  • omitted

    As much as favorites of the year in July?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I want to see Blackhat.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    that’s a bingo.

  • omitted

    Racist!

  • omitted

    So you partake in one and call the other stupid? Interesting…

  • Noodles

    5 Anything not staring Adam Sandler or Boyhood
    4 Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
    3 Ex Machina
    2 Mad Max: Fury Road
    1 Dredd

  • dollar store cashier wife

    i’m bored and tired what else can I say?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Ex Machina
    Mad Max
    Inside Out
    It Follows
    Paddington
    Kingsman

    This isn’t in any order other than which I could remember.

  • Red Skeleton

    Hoo-wee….. so is this just 12 minutes of expanding on the joke from the Genysis review that the plot is incomprehensible. Shit, and they managed to stretch it out to 12 minutes, even…. how many times does Jay play the Ishtar trailer?

  • omitted

    Without any punctuation that sounds like the kinkiest orgy I’ve ever seen.

  • omitted

    [the numbers thing from Ishtar trailer]

  • My ex wife

    “Why would a parent take a four year old child to a… film?”

    Because they are selfish, ignorant fucks.

  • Red Skeleton

    3… 4…. uh…. fuck, I forgot it too.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Mortdecai
    Paul Blart 2
    Hot Tub Time Machine 2
    Strange Magic
    Aloha
    Terminator Genisys
    Get Hard
    Chappie
    Entourage
    Poltergeist
    Jurassic World
    Spy [95% my ass! it sucked]

  • omitted

    I guess we’re both bad disciples of Jaysus.

  • Red Skeleton

    Does your arse do that thing your face does? The “FBBBBFFFBRRRRBBB!” thing?

  • Red Skeleton

    I fear the second coming.

  • My ex wife
  • omitted

    Are you having a seizure?!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yes. Send help.

    My address is 911, New York Street, Septemberville, Inside Jobistan

  • omitted

    No need to fear, my (not) brother (yet). The second cuming of Jaysus is always lesser in volume than the first.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Hello and welcome. When discussing Ishtar there are several key numbers you need to keep in mind. Ready? 3, 2, 3, 4, 4, 2, 3, and …”

  • omitted

    Your gonna be a fat cat New York writer/producer?! Maybe it’s better to let you die now…

  • My ex wife

    Does that mean I might have a chance with you?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Where’s Inception, The Dark Knight Rises, and Interstellar? Those were all Nolan films released this decade. Did you forget? You probably forgot. I’m just going to go ahead and correct your list:

    Mr. Phoenix’s Top 5 favorite films of the decade so far:
    5. Inception
    4. The Dark Knight Rises
    3. Interstellar
    2. Inception
    1. Interstellar

  • omitted

    “Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating
    But there are several other very important differences
    Between human beings and animals that you should know about”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “You got it? Let’s begin.”

  • What do you mean, my ass is my face.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That thing on his head is his ass!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    We made the same joke … dammit.

  • omitted

    Inception is a 2010 movie. Technically the decade starts from 2011.

  • See. Even Canadians notice.

    #DumbCanadians!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    decade
    [dek-eyd; British also duh-keyd]
    noun

    1. a period of ten years: the three decades from 1776 to 1806.
    2. a period of ten years beginning with a year whose last digit is zero: the decade of the 1980s.

  • omitted

    Now you have to get gay married. Isn’t that the law?

  • Timeline problem? Maybe.

  • omitted

    “Because the common calendar starts with year 1, its first full decade is the years 1 to 10, the second decade from 11 to 20, and so on. So although the “1960s” comprises the years 1960 to 1969, the “197th decade” spans 1961 to 1970.”

  • Yes This!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    CTV

  • omitted

    *CCTV

  • Mitchell Taco Nash
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    wat

  • omitted

    *twat

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “This isn’t a life preserver, it’s a-”
    That’s right, Jay!”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think you forgot Interstellar,Man of Steel and Interstellar.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s right, Jay!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    We have to add Transcendence to that list as well.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Okay, now do a video chronicling the timeline for Space Cop!

  • Don’t don’t do drugs and stay in school kids. Nass is workin all weekend, no time for fun and RLM.

    #seeyamonday

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Into Transcendent Stellar-coming soon to a theatre near you!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t they can cover the timeline from 10,000 BC to the premiere of Space Cop in 2019[allegedly]

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Love is the one this that can Trancedence time and space.”
    “What?”
    “I was working in the movie title of that Nolan produced film.”

  • Palpatine

    All those number added up equal 21. When you flip 21, you get 12, the amount of heart it took to make Boyhood.

  • My ex wife

    I wish I could get into an alternate time line.

  • omitted

    First tOmy`, then Facey and now you! Is everyone in Europe attending some gay orgy camp and no one told me?!

  • omitted

    *hard-on

  • Red Skeleton

    Oh Christ it all makes sense now.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I struggled to pick these five from 12, but nobody’s holding me to them…
    5. Of Gods and Men
    4. Four Lions
    3. Whiplash
    2. Oslo, August 31st
    1. Under the Skin

  • ♫Hetken mua hurmasi myös Kemijärven Hulta.
    Hulta kyllä tietää, missä kulloinkin on kulta,
    Ruma-relluma-rilluma-rei, ja sun tuulia, tuulia, tei!♫

  • omitted

    Puhut kuule paljasjalakaselle Rovaniemeläiselle!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I thought you were with me on INSIDE OUT (or I was with you or we are altogether)? Is it just that you’ve seen too few movies in 2015, you couldn’t come up with 5?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    In case you were dying to know, here are the other 7…A TOWN CALLED PANIC, UN PROPHÉTE, RANGO, MELANCHOLIA, THE ACT OF KILLING, A HIJACKING, NEBRASKA

  • Palpatine

    Mesa gonna give yous una bongo. Da speedeyest way to da Naboo, tis going tru, de Planet Core. Now, goooo.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Boyhood, it took 12 heart to make!”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    so what your saying is Elaine May did 9/11?

  • Jason Ross

    Ghostbusters 3 should be played by Zara, Zara, Zara and additionally Zara instead of those fatty fools they got lined up.

    Promo pics are less than underwhelming so far

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Did you know? The same number of people who ♥ BOYHOOD also put “Baby” in the corner.

    #StatisticsRTrueSucker

  • I love you Palpy

  • Buk Pravon

    5. Avengers 2 (I guess… I just saw 5 movies so far this year. :/ ) 6/10
    4. Mad Max: Fury Road 8/10
    3. Whiplash 9/10
    2. Birdman 9/10
    1. Men & Chicken 10/10

    But, as you see, the other 4 were very good. 😀

  • Palpatine

    2009: Mike, Jay and Rich Evans try to film Space Cop, but stop after Rich has an allergic reaction to Mike’s cat.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think those promo pics will become iconic in time.

    In the same vein as this classic:

    https://vaarthaikal.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/apocalypse-now-redux-6.jpg

    OH? oh…

  • Palpatine

    Mesa no Limey da Naboo, dey thinken dey so smarty, dey tinkey dey brains so big.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I still enjoyed it, but not nearly as much as everyone else seems to have enjoyed it. Yet again my experience in the theatre was not the greatest, so I’m not sure how my thoughts on/feelings of the film were changed.

    It was a challenge enough to remember the movies I’ve seen this year and ever harder to rank them in any order other than Mad Max and Ex Machina, which are my top two, and even then there are points in those two movies were I felt a bit underwhelmed or not satisfied.

  • omitted

    *pussy

  • omitted

    So you put your latest meal as number one?!

  • Palpatine

    By Zara do you mean the lady who was eaten by the mosasaur?

  • Buk Pravon

    Yes.

    I can still feel the taste of it in my mouth.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I can’t wait to see Melissa McCarthy run after ghosts the same way she ran after a bad guy in Spy. Overweight, short, and wearing heels, she was somehow able to keep up with a dude after several city blocks.

    I laughed at how absurd it was. I’d like to see her race against an Average Joe over 100m.

  • omitted

    *licks lips*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    See? The key is, you gotta marinate Men, or else cook ’em longer than Chicken.

  • Palpatine

    Fat people are hilarious!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dey steppy poodoo?

    I got nothin.’ Of all people, it should be me that stays far away from anything having to do with Star Wars.

  • Buk Pravon

    5. Birdman
    4. Gravity
    3. Pacific Rim
    2. Grand Budapest Hotel
    1. The legend of Princess Kaguya (Yes, I have to be a fanboy on this. °-.-)

  • Jason Ross

    apparently there’s an Ecto-2 moped in the film, specifically because McCarthy + Scooter + falling over = fat joke

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    The Bends.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s, like, sometimes I don’t even know who you are anymore.

    [Gesticulates girlishly.]

    END SCENE

  • omitted

    *masturbate (and) *suck

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Just ask Kevin James!

  • Palpatine

    Since you guys listed your top 5 favorite films of this year, I’m just gonna go ahead and post my Top 5 Favorite Films of All Time:

    5. Psycho
    4. The Empire Strikes Back
    3. Stand by Me
    2. The Godfather
    1. The Shining

  • Like Icare

    It’s a somewhat subjective list.
    7 is movie I can watch many times or the one I get an urge to watch again. With an occasional modifier here and there for certain movies.

    Run All Night would be a 6 (a perfectly fine movie that I liked but that’s about it) but the cast is great and there are little touches here and there and the editing and pacing is simply superb. It should be a much more boring movie. But it manages to beat the cliche and keep you interested DESPITE it all.

    Blackhat has many flaws. Strangely for Mann, most of them are things that his research should have prevented. Like Thor specifically asking for an Android phone and then running an iOS-only app on it.

    But goddamn can Mann craft them movies.
    And his focus on architecture makes his movies feel almost scifi.
    The things he chooses to include in each shot and how he does it is just a bit “off” from what one might be expecting – giving the world that strange “not quite this here our world” feeling.

    He sings praises to BATHROOM TILES on the director’s commentary to Miami Vice. Which he had copied (they are a laminated print of a photo) from another house which is so wonderfully Bauhaus “you just want to take off your shoes and move in”.
    It’s a sex/romance scene, and he harps about architecture and interior design.

    At the same time, his actors behave sort of as if they are “acting” in a documentary. There are none or very little of “acting” shots.
    He insists on training and very elaborate backstories for characters which translates into shots of people working and living instead of actors acting.

    Thus… the biggest flaw of the movie is Thor.
    He’s simply nowhere near the caliber of all those other actors Mann used and abused before.
    He’s no Pacino or DeNiro, or Daniel Day-Lewis, or Russel Crowe, or Farrell, Foxx or Cruise or Caan…

    Originally, Mann wanted Thor to learn to code and to operate UNIX systems. They ended up settling with teaching him to type.
    Caan had to learn how to crack safes for the Thief.
    So not only do you get shots of him really cracking those safes with real heavy equipment (which weighs quite a bit) – when he talks about safecracking he knows what all those words mean, why you do this instead of that etc. etc.
    Which translates into authenticity of character. And your brain sees that.

    Thor just… doesn’t.
    On top of all that… It’s a movie about cyberterorism and hacking which tries to emphasize the realism.
    Meaning that it is by the content alone doomed to be utterly boring to the average viewer.

    Zero computers explode. Best shot in the movie takes carefully aimed single shots without the CGI camera following a CGI bullet to the CGI target. A scene where an anti-personel mine takes out an entire SWAT team with tiny darts doesn’t freezeframe and slow down to show the audience every single CGI dart before they drill holes through human bodies. People don’t frantically type on keyboards trying to hack the Gibson (or was that the planet) or arrange 3D shapes on 9 screens at the same time while a porn star is giving them blowjobs under the table. There is no montage to show us how Thor regains his 1337 h4xxx0r1n9 5k172 after coming out of a prison. Nobody waves hands in front of giant screens or wears 3D glasses.

    I can’t wait for the director’s commentary version to come out.

  • quick_moranis

    5. Timbuktu
    4. Inception
    3. Beasts of the Southern Wild
    2. The Raid Berandal
    1. Killer Joe

  • Like Icare

    I (somewhat) explain below why I liked it. And why it may be very boring.

    BTW, if you like Michael Mann movies, get yourself the director’s commentary versions and rewatch them. Or pick up the director’s commentary off of youtube.
    He gives some of the most insightful commentaries ever and movies really get a new dimension with that.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s sooooooooooooo much harder, but I’ll give it a try.

    5. (edit) Pinocchio
    4. (edit) The Planet of the Apes (1968)
    3. Tokyo Story
    2. The Bride of Frankenstein
    1. Rashomon

  • Palpatine

    Pretty good list. Pinocchio would have to be favorite animated movie of all time.

  • Like Icare

    If by ask you mean tie him to a chair and waterboard him followed by beating him with a tire iron…
    By all means, do that.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Just saw TIMBUKTU last week. Great, great movie.

    And KILLER JOE just might be my biggest guilty pleasure of the decade.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    KAGUYA is simply beautiful. No need to qualify it.

  • Like Icare

    Now I’m gonna be disappointed if that is not true.

  • quick_moranis

    Why feel guilty, it’s just good old Southern Gothic

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I expressed the theory awhile back that the masterpiece THIEF may be Ground Zero for the transition from the more artsy crime thrillers of the 60s and 70s to the more adrenalized movies of later years.

    (Not DIE HARD, as is the consensus, I think.)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, I can’t eat fried chicken the same way I used to.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    iThankee.

    Yours is full of great movies, too.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes

  • Buk Pravon

    You are right, of course. But it’s such a cliché, as long as I use her picture. <—

  • RLMkeepitup

    Great list, I’d have to shoe horn Space Odyssey in there above the Shining – I really enjoy the latter as wel but it gets slow for me near the maze chase sequence. The build up of crazy seemed to dispense when they escaped outside.

  • RLMkeepitup

    They put Sarah Connor in a loony ward for trying to tell people about the terminator timeline. Don’t end up like Sarah.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is that like “pure instense”?

  • Uncle Dan

    Melissa McCarthy is the most worrying thing about it. Her humour is entirely “Fat people are funny”

  • quick_moranis

    5. Creepshow
    4. A Clockwork Orange
    3. Children of Men
    2. 2001: A Space Odyssey
    1. Taxi Driver

    Top 5 of all time is hard to do, so many films you love fight it out for a spot

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No, it’s “fat people are empowered,” which is even funnier.

    #Exemption4Glandular(SometimesIHateMe2)

  • quick_moranis

    He had some decent moments in King of Queens,

  • omitted

    SERAH!

    Swastika: AnySpoonyFansInDaHouse

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    SERIF!

  • Buk Pravon

    I’ll try… but it possibly won’t be 100 % accurate.

    5. All the Way, Boys
    4. La Haine
    3. The Tale of Princess Kaguya
    2. Train of Life
    1. Only Yesterday

  • omitted

    Go home Pa, you‘re drunk have a trunk!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I can’t do that because I have seen a lot of movies I would consider my favorites but I can’t put them in order.

  • omitted

    Crocodile brain!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Sarah actually talked to people.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *big penis

    #LiesAllLies

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I like the costumes and the ECTO 1. Funny ladies but the promo pics are underwhelming as you said. If you look at the other big movies of 2016 being promoted right now the promo pics are awesome. Batman v Superman and Warcraft look kick ass based on the photos released but Ghostbusters looks like a fan film.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Can you pick five? We’ll let you list them alphabetically.

    I’ll allow it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Five random ones? Okay.
    1. Monty Python and The Holy Grail
    2. Lost in Translation
    3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
    4. Star Wars Trilogy
    5. Brazil.
    I don’t know what I like the most

  • omitted

    I wouldn’t mind taking a peek myself, if you’ll allow it…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    A peek in my trunk?

    Just old magazines and some pretty dresses from when I was in college.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mad Max Fury Road took 16 years to make. BOYHOOD HAS BEEN DEFEATED!

  • omitted

    So what you’re saying is that you’ve got ‘junk in the trunk’?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Get ready internet. It’s been announced that the next solo Batman movie will be written and directed by…its lead actor, Ben Affleck.

  • omitted

    Gone Batty Gone?

  • Palpatine

    I was gonna put the Original Star Wars Trilogy at number four, but I didn’t feel like hearing people complain to me about Jedi.

  • Sully

    Why? Where else am I supposed to stick my face?

  • Palpatine

    Why not Elaine May?

  • omitted

    *cheating

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nobody can argue “favorite.”

  • Sully

    I said “not enough to constitute a Top 5.” I didn’t say I didn’t see any good movies.

  • Palpatine

    What do you mean?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I mean, anybody who would argue with you or complain about your “favorite” is a nutter and can be dismissed. The words “Great” and “Best” always start fights, but everybody understands your Top Favorites come with your own rules.

    #Unimpeachable

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Something vulgar.”
    HAHAHAHA
    “Something oddly specific mixed with something vulgar.”
    HAHAHAHA
    “I’m fat and insecure.”
    HAHAHAHA
    “Now I’m obnoxious and rude.”
    HAHAHAHA

  • omitted

    It’s not nice to eavesdrop on your girlfriend.

  • Palpatine

    Taxi Driver is another favorite of mine. Without a doubt Scorsese’s best.

  • omitted

    Unless those rules include cramming seven movies into a “Top 5”.

  • Palpatine

    Yes. This.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There can be ties.

    For example, I didn’t, but if I had listed THE GODFATHER, I would just assume it’d be Parts I AND II. They’re halves of the same thing. You could argue that isn’t true about the Star Wars trilogy, but again, it ain’t science.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Or to laugh at her. Jeebus, Taco!

  • omitted

    Okay, then for the sake of argument my favorite movie of all time is the entire James Bond franchise. Happy now?

  • Palpatine

    Spoony? You mean that guy who got fired from That Guy With The Glasses because reasons?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    THAT’S JUST POPPYCOCK! ARE YOU ON GAS? DO YOU LIVE IN A BASEMENT?

    See how stupid I’d look?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Disgust and Anger were at the controls just there.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I thought the twist is supposed to happen in the movie not during filming.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Who are you, the Pope?!”

  • omitted

    “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” That’s true for things like words too.

  • omitted

    *Disqus

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s another thing. Disgust? Really? One of the key emotions is the thing that makes you stick your tongue out at Brussels sprouts?

    Who came up with that?

  • omitted

    Maybe it’s time to go to bed. Taco doesn’t know numbers, Pa doesn’t understand words and Wifey is just plain incontinent inconsistent. Good night!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, actually, you’re [what’s that Finnish word you taught me today]-ing over pluralization, not words. I get your point, and if we had agreed on the rules beforehand, I’d probably be more of a stickler, but I just think there has to be a lot of leeway given when the most important qualifier is “favorite” as opposed to “five.”

    Which I guess, is a form of rule making, too. Logic is hard.

    Can we make up now?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Ben Affleck was da bomb in Phantoms yo!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Sheesh! They call ME grumpy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Dr. Pete did … or Pete Doctor. Something.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Tomorrow, Marvel will announce Robert Downey Jr. is writing and directing IRON MAN 4.

  • Thanatos2k

    Unfortunately they weren’t there to save the movie…..

  • Thanatos2k

    Then she realizes she’s her own mother.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Well he’s no Tommy Wiseau but it could work

  • Like Icare

    Hmm… I don’t know…

    I mean… First of all it is not really an action movie.
    There is one shootout. Zero car chases. There are really no action scenes in it.
    In the final scenes of the movie Caan explicitly rips of a “ballistic vest” and Mann mentions how they worried that people would not know what it was back then.

    On the other hand… Next year Rambo comes out.
    And at that point Rambo is a lot closer to Southern Comfort than to Die Hard (which can’t be ground zero of anything that Beverly Hills Cop isn’t already) – which came out the same years as Thief, Mad Max 2 and Escape From New York.
    All three would be a better transition point for action movies – had there not been Rambo.

    And Conan. And Rocky 3. And Death Wish 2…

    And all those movies were made during the reign or Ronald Reagan.
    He wasn’t in the house back in 1980, when those 1981 movies were being made.
    Reagan moves in… War on everything starts.
    Muscles become huge. Guns become humongous.

    Next year Roy Scheider flies a scifi helicopter armed with superguns and Clint Eastwood swaps a Magnum 44 for an even bigger AutoMag while Al Pacino goes crazy with an M16 with a grenade launcher. And Gene Hackman beats Rambo to the punch in rescuing the MIA POWs.

    From stories happening in the shadow of missile silos, fear of mushroom clouds and general insecurity of existence – from 1982 everything is about GUNS, GUNS, GUNS and soldiers and how even someone who has “nowhere else to go” can become an “officer and a gentleman” and get the girl and a shiny uniform in the marines.

  • Like Icare

    Well… he does have TWO Oscars. For writing and for best picture. And he’s wicked smaaht.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Has anyone mentioned that Mike was able to stay in character for the entire video? Scientist Man, at no point, makes a Star Trek reference. It’s like a completely different person. I thought Rich Evan was the only chameleon actor in RLM. I was wrong.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s two more than Zack Snyder will ever have. And I don’t mean Oscars, I mean good movies.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And, he’s a huge Batman fan.

  • My ex wife

    I just finished watching the Evil Dead remake.

    It was not alright.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That movie worries me for the Evil Dead tv show. Raimi and Campbell produced the remake. So, I guess they thought that was a good representation of Evil Dead? or maybe that’s what they thought fans of Evil Dead wanted to see?

  • Thanatos2k

    And by the end of the movie, the bucket is empty…..

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It was just a theory. A little theory. Itty-bitty thing. Miss Tessmacher has a theory. Oh, alright…

    [Rubs my theory off the map with my sleeve, even though I really didn’t read your whole post. Are you kidding me?]

    END SCENE

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That just means they gave money and earned money back.

  • Thanatos2k

    “Everything’s changed”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The question, then, is…Will Ben Affleck survive Zack Snyder’s movie?

  • My ex wife

    Staying in character is one thing, but disappearing into your character is another. In my opinion only 3 actors alive today can achieve this, Mr G Oldman, Mr D D Lewis and of course his Lordship, Sir Rich Evans.

  • Thanatos2k

    Kyle Reese developed all the Terminators, then sent them all back in time at once, then went back himself, just so he could sleep with Sarah Connor. Then he fakes his death and goes back to the future when no one is looking. Judgement Day never happens, it was all a lie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, you are saying they didn’t give a fuck then, and might not be giving a fuck about the tv show either? That’s so cynical. That’s a depressing look at the world of entertainment. How can you live your life like this?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I eat. I sleep. I poop. Seems to be working out alright.

  • Like Icare

    No, that’s Kevin Smith. Figuratively and literally.

    ‘Fleck is more of a… substantial fan. His kids have mostly normal names.
    Not like Harley Quinn Smith.

  • Like Icare

    You mean does he bleed?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That fuckload of shit will make a ton of money, because “Look! Batman is punching Superman in the Krypto-balls! Awesome!” Affleck will be fine. Everyone will be fine.

    It might not make as much money as Warner is hoping, but they’ll pin it on Superman being lame and unrelatable to modern audiences.

  • Like Icare

    Quite.

  • Like Icare

    When she was just a little girl…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azxoVRTwlNg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    See, this I don’t get. The “Do you bleed?” line is a better one-liner than anything Stallone or Ahnuld built their entire superstardom on, but now geeks suddenly act like they’re all discerning about good dumb movie catch-phrases and bad dumb movie catch-phrases. “Chewie, we’re home” isn’t stupid as sh!t?

    I’m not saying that’s what you were just doing. I’m just saying, the fyucking inconsistency drives me up the frickin’ wall!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think it’ll make $300 million its first weekend.

    My reasoning…The fyucking dumbass movie about dinosaurs with the cute guy.

  • Thanatos2k

    A robot has killed a worker in a VW plant in Germany http://t.co/RRdCnNmbsj— Sarah O'Connor (@sarahoconnor_) July 1, 2015

    https://twitter.com/sarahoconnor_/status/616282747200479232
    How does this effect the timeline?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Nah, it’s a March release. That’s not how things work.

  • Captain Turbo

    My #1 favorite film (or moo-vie to you Americans) is Return of the Jedi… ooh, sorry, Palpy…

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The clock has moved to 2 minutes to midnight.

  • Captain Turbo

    The fact that they didn’t cast Whitney Cummings shows they have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It wasn’t how June movies worked before last month, either.

    It’s become so simple to mess with Box Office these days, it’s not even funny. Just open the sh!t in more theaters. Or tell the cinemas they can’t charge matinee prices (which Disney tried for AVENGERS 2). it’s meaningless.

    The only thing they can’t manipulate is the fickle whim of the public. That is always anybody’s guess.

  • Like Icare

    Oh come on… It isn’t a good one liner simply based on the fact that it is TWO LINES.
    It’s “Do you bleed? You will.”

    What if Superman said something like “Kryptonians don’t have blood per se…” or interrupted his “asked and answered” monologue in some other way?

    As for Stallone… Does he have catch-phrases? Other than shouting a name? ADRIAAAAN! DRAGOOOO! APOLLOO! MICKEY!
    Oh yeah… he does have that “I’m your worst nightmare” – but it took him 3 movies to come up with that.

    As for Arnold… Well… He’s the king of quotable lines.
    But mainly because of his “alien creature in a human suit” delivery.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxn0Xfqkgw

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There’s no way I’m watching that.

    I’m going to a party and that would just make me pissy.

    G’night, Princes.

  • Palpatine

    An Evil Dead TV series with Bruce Campbell? This can mean only one thing.

    “Part time.”

  • Gallen_Dugall

    Awesome polka in the background!!!

  • Like Icare

    Ahnold, the quote machine to make someone pissy?
    Comeon… the guy’s so hilarious he got his own heavy metal parody band.
    Until the guy behind it ended up in prison for hiring a hitman on his wife.

  • Like Icare

    Nah… we got an extra second.

    Could be what killed that guy.
    Robot Volksed when it should have Wagened.

    http://money.cnn.com/2015/06/30/technology/leap-second/

  • Like Icare

    We’ll form a committee and get right on it.

  • Like Icare

    Aw come on… We just shoot shit here.

    On a side note… They could have SO gotten a city to rename itself to Otisburg.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth_or_Consequences,_New_Mexico

    Originally named Hot Springs, the city changed its name to Truth or Consequences, the title of a popular NBC Radio program. In 1950, Ralph Edwards, the host of the radio quiz show Truth or Consequences, announced that he would air the program from the first town that renamed itself after the show; Hot Springs won the honor.

    The road not taken…

  • My ex wife

    Did he have a malfunction in his robot brain? Was he a secret asshole?

  • THE ALIENS! THEY’RE IN MY BASE KILLING THE PERSONNEL! IF YOU CAN READ PLEASE THIS SEND HELP

  • It had a secret asshole installed.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    not here i live at the beach. but it is above about 500 meters.

  • Cynical Optimist

    HAVE YOU TRIED TO POLITELY ASK THEM TO LEAVE?

  • quick_moranis

    I actually like that movie, and Reindeer Games. They aren’t great, but they’re decent enough for a late night when you don’t have shit else to do or watch.

  • RLMkeepitup

    he broke only to drink booze behind the whiteboard but who wouldnt

  • RLMkeepitup

    especially after the walking dead craze, which itself died a slow death

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Rich was the original Plinkett.

  • RLMkeepitup

    short controlled bursts

  • Andrew Thompson.

    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

  • instant relief

    Flagging your comment as inappropriate, you racist.

  • Sully

    Don’t worry. They mostly hunt at night. Mostly.

    I’ll nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  • Sully

    Or maybe that’s what it was always supposed to be, and the limited experience and budget of the original made for a serendipitous masterpiece that could never again be replicated by those hack fraudian sons-o-bitches.

  • Sully

    You poop your own shit? You’re so poor it’s cute.

  • Jason Ross

    Oh yeah, I remember how “in” she was something like four years ago. She’s a writer … and attractive in addition to funny.

  • Jason Ross

    I’ve modified my dream cast to include a roster of Whitney Cummings, Aubry Plaza, Aubry Plaza and Zara.

    Perfect cast.

  • Jason Ross

    Clerks reference?

  • Ishtar.

  • Sully

    Strange Magic

  • Jason Ross

    This can only mean one thing …. “Part time”

    Harrison Ford voiced your post, in my head.

    I lolled on my lollercoaster.

  • Palpatine

    Are you sure they’re not interdimensional brings?

  • Sully

    Or if they’ve traveled from the past… Interdimensional *broughts.

  • How did you… Palpatine, are you behind it all again?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    a Tardid.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    there is a town near here called Deaddick Vally.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its the only way to be sure.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    was that the one where it picked him up and smashed him into the wall?

  • Sully

    Commence shitting of the pants in mark…

    3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . sh—

  • Sully
  • fred

    -so where were you all yesterday?
    -watching “Once Upon a Time in America”

  • Palpatine

    Did anyone notice how the Disqus notification button is square now?

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • BNN667

    Mike’s face after Jay won’t say T-5000, Hi-Larious.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no? mine is still a speach bubble.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jay is pretty spot on in this. He didn’t mention buff dudes in LA.

  • Palpatine

    It’s back to a speech bubble for me too. What the duck Fisqus?!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What about me?

  • Sully

    GET OUTTA HERE, YA FUCKIN’ SQUAREY!!! NOBODY WANTS YER FOUR-SIDED ASS ROUND HERE NO MORE!!!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    maybe when vader threw you down the reactor shaft you brained your damage.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Round here… Puntastic.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    You guys switched to metric huh?

  • Sully

    Would you believe that was 100% on purpose?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I find that difficult to believe agent 86.

  • Palpatine

    *agent 69

  • Sully

    Only my mother calls me Agent 86, but you’re right. It was, in fact, 100% not on purpose.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yeah, in 1966! the only country on earth still using Imperial Measurements is America.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Andrew Thompson.

    The answer i have in my card is “Would you believe two boy scouts and an angry alsatian?”

  • Sully

    Only on a cold day, and only if both are… down with ‘it.'”

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    We want to be different.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Other than Nukie-ing it from orbit.

  • Thanatos2k

    You should have left your guys on overwatch

  • Noah R.

    Duke Nukem Forever also took way too long to make…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, that sucked. Party at 9. Home before midnight.

    I need new friends. Any of youse wanna be friends with me?

  • Noah R.

    *licks lips

    I’m ready.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There’s no substitute shit service available in my area. Believe me. I’ve checked the classifieds.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    2,2,3,4 3,2,3,4

    What is wrong with you people? It’s just counting. Why are you making it so hard?

  • instant relief

    No.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    0% on purpose. Copy that.

  • Sully
  • Jay Stein

    5: Warriors
    4: Empire Strikes Back
    3: Alien
    2: Raiders of the Lost Ark
    1: Close Encounters of the Third Kind (whatever version)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Sully

    3, 2, 3, 4, 4, 2, 3… and . . . A N D ! ! !

  • Sully

    You check you’re own service? What planet am I on?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    What’s the difference between an angry alsatian and a regular alsatian?Thera(pup)py.

  • Sully
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Sully
  • Jay Stein

    just to list some others:

    10: Metropolis
    9: Mad Max: Fury Road
    8: Star Trek: the Motion Picture
    7: Superman: the Movie
    6: The Last Temptation of Christ

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Sully
  • Jay Stein

    I gave up on parties

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Sully
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yep. Pretty much.

  • Sully
  • Noah R.

    Just needs a few more gallons of dripping saliva.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    And after the night on the Titanic i drew those nude pictures of you!.
    careful its hot!

    https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-5YCGrwmiMqs/VMOpGDDpCuI/AAAAAAAAAao/4U9Dcuuwg4w/w769-h577-no/DSC_0022.jpg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Bubs

    A party? I just picture you and all your friends doing the osteoporosis dance at a very large kitchen counter. Was Betty there? I heard she went missing from The Home a few weeks ago.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    sorry bubs… she died….

  • Noah R.

    That’s about right, not thick enough though 😛

  • Bubs
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Steamy.

  • Sully
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Notification button? …

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    From the Star Wars Comic Con panel:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTNJ51ghzdY

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Why don’t you just stay home like I do every night?

  • Noah R.

    I can’t stop cuuummminnngggggg!

  • Sully

    Goddamnit, Taco. Now I’m excited, and we’re still months away!

    How will I maintain? HOW WILL I MAINTAIN!?!?!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Well, she got tens of thousands of people following her now and she seemed pretty ticked off about the whole situation.

  • Bubs

    First I thought, “Why is Simon Pegg in this?” Then I realized they shoved him into a big rubber costume. Then I thought… “Why is Simon Pegg in this?”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Rich Evan has more money than Poor Evan.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    You started rapping.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ˙ʇ¡ɥs ǝlƃuᴉs ɐ ǝʌᴉƃ ʇou op I

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Suddenly far more interested in this new Batman film than the Batmeh v Supermeh shite.

  • Sully
  • Sully

    You cared enough to find an upside down type generator.
    You cared enough to comment.
    You care.
    You care, Pa Kent Says Maybe.
    You care so hard.

    It’s cute that you don’t want anyone to know you have the matching Star Wars sheets/curtains set. Admit it, you love the purple saber most of all.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I think it’s due to the uber-serious tone they’ve set and so these kind of one-liners seem to stand out more than normal. When Arnold does those one-liners, it’s like he’s winking at the audience and they get it. When Batman does it here, it’s supposed to be deadly serious and ‘epic’, whatever that means these days.

    The “Chewie, we’re home” to me just felt like massive pandering to the audience. It’s nostalgia bait. I wasn’t a fan of it, but I did like the deep bass in the line.

  • Sully
  • Bubs

    You know… everyone just assumes that Kyle Reese is John Conner’s father. Even Sarah Conner assumes this. But I don’t think there has been a female 19 year old virgin since the 1940s, so it’s probably safe to assume Kyle wasn’t her first. I don’t think Sarah ever got a paternity test, so who is the real father? Today on Jerry Springer: ‘My Baby Daddy Is From the Future’. (Are Jerry Springer jokes still relevant? Ah fuck it.)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ˙op noʎ ʍou pu∀ ˙ǝɹɐɔ ʇ,uop I ɥɔnɯ ʍoɥ ʇsnɾ ʍouʞ noʎ ʇǝl oʇ pǝʇuɐʍ ʇsnɾ I

  • Noah R.

    I just got banned from a Battlefield 4 server for doing absolutely nothing other than playing. Is it any wonder I have almost had it with online gaming!?!

  • Sully
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    In 2007 the highest grossing March release was 300 with $70.9M opening weekend. In 2010 that was trumped by Alice in Wonderland with $116.1M. In 2012 that was trumped by The Hunger Games with $152.5M.

    I highly doubt this BvS film will generate $300M opening weekend if Age of Ultron had trouble trumping Avengers, but I wouldn’t doubt it trumping The Hunger Games opening weekend. It seems that currently a little over $200M is the saturation limit for films.

    Pa is right about June’s not being this way before either. June used to be a record-breaking month in terms of all-time opening weekends, but then May and July took over. Before Jurassic World, the last time June had a new all-time weekend was in 1995 when Batman Forever grossed $52.8M, the first time a movie trumped $50M.

    Before Jurassic World grossed $208.8M, the previous highest grossing weekend in June was Man of Steel with $116.6M, which was boosted by Father’s Day on Sunday.

    Based on this, there’s definitely a possibility that BvS can open huge, even though it’s being released in March. I mean, 2015 set new monthly weekend records in 4 of its 7 months so far with American Sniper in January, Fifty Shades in February, Furious 7 in April, and now Jurassic World in June.

    I think BvS will be hard pressed to match the figures of Jurassic World and Avengers, but it may be able to match Iron Man 3.

  • instant relief

    “It’s a trap.”

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens – Comic-Con 2015 Reel
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTNJ51ghzdY

  • Bubs

    I enjoyed this a lot. But I think it would be great if you guys posted the completely unedited and uncut version. Complete with fuckups. That would be fun.

  • Bubs

    Taco beat you off to it.

  • instant relief

    Oops. ^^

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I actually posted this video without watching its content yet. I’m a hack fraud.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Know your audience. That’s the fourteenth rule of FIGHT CLUB.

  • instant relief

    Please stop toying with my emotions.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Kite Flub is a weird experimental film I just made up now because I thought the title sounded funny.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s about a buncha teenagers who can’t get theirs up?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Does this mean you might have to go outside now? I can sympathize with that.

  • Bubs

    At 8:15 I think you can hear Mike start to laugh just before the edit. Confirmed for frauds. #MikeShaming

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s just a bunch of kites that can’t get airborne … but the subtext is what you suggest.

  • Sully

    Admit it… you’ve been sprayed with the fandom hose…

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view8/4634894/mannequin-hollywood-o.gif

  • Dswynne

    You know, I guess all these time travel shenanigans is the reason why “John Connor” look different in each movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And then a girl walks past the park, and one — just one — of the kites rises. And then another. And then another. She keeps walking. They all fall.

    #Love

  • instant relief

    Wait, so you’re saying it’s just Mike and Jay in costumes? I thought they brought some real scientists in.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The black kite gets up first …

    #TheDarkKiteRises

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Is that the black chick from the new Ghostbusters movie?

  • Sully
  • Sully

    I wish.

  • Bubs

    And it’s also the biggest kite.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There are people relying on our disc jockeying skills, and you are neglecting them.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Sully

    Well, yeah. Every time Sarah and Reese are delayed in their fuckin’ John is born a completely different dude. Eventually they’ll end up having a girl, and the name will just feel weird and forced… kinda like the plot for the last 3 installments.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No. It’s just a worm crawling into an apple.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It flies the highest.

  • Noah R.

    No, I just rotate to RLM rewatching and crying in the corner. I assume that is what most people do when upset, if not I may be worried.

  • Sully
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No it doesn’t. It quits and runs off to Paris with the chick it met that one time.

  • Sully

    Waitin’ on you.

  • Sully
  • Noah R.

    I watched Whiplash last night… The ending is so… so… yeah- the ending was too much for me to comprehend at 2:00 AM. By the way, it’s a great movie!

  • Sully

    It’s 1:15 in the a.m. here, so I’m off to bed. Gotta take my kid to a birthday party tomorrow.

    Pray for me.

  • Noah R.

    I can see you begging him to leave early already– you impatient bastard!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Sully

    Step right up to the bandwagon, sir. Your ticket please.

  • Noah R.

    *trips on step

    Never mind, I hated it!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Sully

    Almost forgot…

    I hate it when people try to dig through the back of my skull to say hi to my face!

    Pound Sign: OutOfContextQuoteOfTheDay

  • Sully

    Why did you trip? Were you rushing or dragging?

  • Sully
  • Noah R.

    Neither, I was on tempo! My shoes were untied…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh no…We’re progressives…We cannot let The Nuge have the last spot…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7_k_0dKknA

  • SeanLM

    That, or the fact that Edward Furlong can’t take care of himself.

  • SeanLM

    Where does Robocop vs. Terminator on the Sega Genesis fit into the timeline? It’s almost like they’re making it up as they go along. I’m so confused.

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/mdad14gmglgx48xliqsx.png

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Right?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think, um, you need to see a doctor. I mean, as much fun as that might be, I don’t think it’s good for your overall health.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    HA! He made a joke about old. Because, I’m old.

    I’d slap my knee, but I’m ‘fraid I might break somethin’.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Racist!

    And on the day that South Carolina took down the Confederate flag (with full military pageantry and hoopla as if a head of state had just died — I never seen anything as ridiculous in my life, and I’ve seen plenty of ridiculous things).

  • Noah R.

    I limit myself to breaks once every hour. Other than that it’s non-stop.

  • fred

    “Henry” is horrible in an effective way, not like a slasher.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Word-of-mouth will kill BvS the same way it killed Man of Steel. It’s another Zack Snyder movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yeah, I think the “Affleck is awful” is blown way out of proportion. He did choose to be in many bad movies during the Daredevil stage of his career. He has more screen presence than Cavill, but so does a plank of wood.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    sideways.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Hail Rich who is in milwaukee, hallowed be Mike’s name and pray for us Jaysus. Arlm.

  • instant relief

    I found the ending a little odd, because suddenly the film seemed to justify all of the teacher’s questionable methods.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    meth?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i hate people. i can relate.

  • Bubs

    Hey look, a themepark designed just for Omitted sex perverts!

    https://adfluencial.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/aides_welcome_to_the_world_of_-scaled-1000.jpg

  • Joe Syxpac

    Soooo… what yer saying is that it took 12 years to make?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I feel like Mann’s output post-Collateral borders on self parody at times. Blackhat aims to be realistic but it has so many schlocky scenes. I just loved the ending where Thor pulls off the action scene that seems like straight up taken out from The Raid. I’m no average viewer but I think the boredom this movie incudes is less about it’s subject matter and more about how utterly lifeless it is.

  • SeanLM

    Wait, that wine movie with Paul Giamatti and Thomas Hayden Church is in the Terminator canon? Now I’m really confused.

  • Joe Syxpac

    That’s “Site B”.

  • SeanLM

    I’m sure this ad will save many lives and its creators (serious and thoughtful SJWs the lot of them) are giving themselves the world’s biggest pat on the back.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    nooooope….

  • Noah R.

    Yeah, at first I took it that way as well. However, I thought about it a bit and I didn’t see the teacher as the hero in the end, even if that is what the film intended on doing. I saw the protagonist rise to the occasion and prove himself not only to the (abusive) teacher, but to himself above all.

    Either the teacher had been an asshole and only an asshole when he removed the music sheet from his stand in the final performance, or his teacher was falling back on what he said at the bar scene about the best musicians never being scared or backing out, and was testing Andrew’s ability. Either way, he was an asshole 😛

  • SeanLM

    I think it’s actually Euro Disneyland.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Don’t be silly.

    Nobody would ever take their kids to that perverted place.

  • SeanLM

    Attendance was down so they had to spice it up just a bit. Plus the age of consent in Europe is more of a suggestion.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Buying tickets to Europe right now.

  • SeanLM

    Calling Chris Hansen now. Take a seat.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Tell him he’s gotta get in line behind me.

    Don’t want no friggin sloppy seconds.

  • instant relief

    He was more than an asshole. He turned the pupil into his puppet and fucked with his mind. It doesn’t matter, if he wanted to turn him into a brilliant musician. There’s no justification for that. So, I found the overall message of the film a little.. off. Still worth seeing tho, if only for the great performances by Simmons and Teller.

  • Noah R.

    Well said. Plus, J.K Simmons is always worth seeing in my book. After all, he was one of the only relieving qualities of Terminator Genisys.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Already behind Jared Fogle as it is.

  • instant relief

    Clothing: optional

  • instant relief

    Agreed, although I heard that he kinda got wasted in a smaller role, like Bryan Cranston in Godzilla.

  • SeanLM

    If I was the FBI, I’d search the pockets of his old, fat-man jeans before I search his computers. He always has those “I don’t wear these anymore because I lost 1000 lbs.” jeans handy.

  • Noah R.

    Oh well, I’m sure the little screen time he got was at least bearable… I hope. 😛

  • Strelnikov

    The Terminator: we ran out of good ideas after the second one.

    Or,

    Don’t mind the time-travel paradoxes, it’s all a setup for robots shooting each other.

  • instant relief

    Honest advertising. I love it.

  • SeanLM

    I don’t know. I thought Arnold saying “Talk to the hand” in T3 was a good idea. I’m also a popcorn munching idiot.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Imagine it as a boxing movie where a trainer pushes a boxer to their physical limits and that boxer reaches excellence they never knew they had in them.

    Heck, the cinematography, editing, and choreography during some of those key musical scenes all were reminiscent of fighting films.

    I think a key element to one of the themes of the film is exactly what Fletcher says, “There are no two words in the English language more harmful than ‘good job’.” Throughout the film we see Andrew adopt this ideology and he sees all the abuse that Fletcher inflicted upon him as a way to push him “beyond what’s expected of [him]. I believe that’s an absolute necessity.”

  • Noah R.

    I liked that moment as well, your not alone.

  • Strelnikov

    I was talking about plot ideas not quips. A good quip or gag in a bad movie is worth its weight in gold, because it deflects the shittiness for a moment. So “talk to the hand” can stay.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    He’s an asshole, no doubt, but he’s not apologetic of that fact and both he and Andrew believe it’s a necessity to achieve greatness. We witness the birth of a musical legend from the direct actions of Fletcher; it seems his actions are justified in the end.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    T3 was a tired, watered down version of T2. They even recycled the Terminator learning quips from T2.

  • instant relief

    I think the film promotes inhuman practices.

  • Kirke

    Bullshit. Mike doesn’t laugh. Confirmed for bullshit post.

  • Angelo

    1. Mulholland Drive
    2. Apocalypse Now
    3. The Godfather
    4. Eyes Wide Shut
    5. Vertigo

    Nothing too fancy.

  • omitted

    *porn actors

  • omitted

    How do you know the state of their foreskin?!

  • SeanLM

    So this franchise is dead, right? They finally smothered it with a pillow? Or are they going to have to add Ryan Reynolds in Terminator 6 to truly kill it? Reynolds could be a wise-cracking, smarmy, unfunny Terminator who constantly shows off his abs but who we’re supposed to like for some reason.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    At any point did Fletcher force Andrew to stay? Andrew was free to go into other classes if he so desired but he chose to stay. Even when his father is talking to him about taking Fletcher down, we see Andrew being hesitant because he mostly agrees with Fletcher even if he strongly dislikes him.

    Fletcher said a lot of mean words, threw a few things, slapped people, and told the drummers to drum until their hands bled, but I’d say this is rather tame compared to what some people go through for training. I’ve military buddies that have gone through much worse just to pass courses. Plenty of military and fighting films go further than this.

    Also, I was just reading an article where when the director “showed it to musicians who had lived in that world and been through an intense conservatory training, they generally thought he hadn’t gone far enough.” So the people who actually belong to the world even feel it wasn’t that bad.

    The weak and frail don’t make the cut. Only the strong survive.

    Edit: Oh yeah, here’s the article:

    http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/movies/jk-simmons-says-fletcher-in-whiplash-right-about-languages-worst-two-words/story-e6frfmw0-1227098633328

  • Noah R.

    Salvation vs Genisys?

  • SeanLM

    It’s like debating whether to be the 4th or 5th segment of a human centipede.

  • omitted

    The fact that I always seem to be on your mind really warms the cockles of my heart.

  • Noah R.

    To be honest, it’s been dead since T3. The dead horse is just being beaten into a bloody pulp at this point. Pretty soon only bones will remain and those will be scraped and picked at until they too are gone.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I haven’t seen Genisys to comment so can’t compare. I also mostly forget Salvation.

  • Noah R.

    4th, the flavor is a little better.

  • omitted

    *turned into black goo

  • SeanLM

    Black goo? Are we talking Prometheus now? Speaking of things that are convoluted…

  • Noah R.

    Well, it’s pretty bad (as you may have heard lol) and the worst part, in my opinion, is just how badly it fucks up the entire story. Ahhhnold and J.K Simmons are really the only two actors who are even enjoyable.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Anyway, it seems we view these things differently but I think the editing, lighting, cinematography, acting, music, dialogue, story, and themes were all top notch and I loved every minute of it regardless of how much I agree or disagree with the methods employed by Fletcher. The film had me on the edge of my seat for most of its running time.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    not even close. the ending is not supposed to be happy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    His greatest was achieved through a lot of hard work and sacrifices that would ultimately make him unhappy. The movie presents this as being the trade-off of excellence: you’re highly respected, can achieve amazing feats, but the rest of your life suffers.

    The fact that this feels so high stakes when it’s about drumming just makes it all the better.

    Andrew might very well die friendless and alone, yet be a legend.

  • Angelo

    A franchise is never dead.
    Don’t worry: it will be back.

  • SeanLM

    Terminator 6: starring Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. Makes $1 billion internationally. Hollywood continues cranking out schlock.

  • Angelo

    80% chance it might happen.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    CGI Paul Walker is Kyle Reese.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Agreed, but opening weekend is less about word-of-mouth than it is effective and mass marketing.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Batman to Supergirl:
    “Do you bleed? You will.”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    But you’re not even in any of those movies …

  • SeanLM
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    My Top 5 are all the Fast & Furious moopies.

  • omitted

    @mitchelltaconash:disqus, are you a terminator sent from the future to stop me from getting together with Jay? Because you never seem to sleep…

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Obese people weigh more than they should to maintain a healthy life.

    #FatShaming

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    6:13 AM now. Been awake since 2 PM.

    My sleeping cycle is all messed up.

  • omitted

    It’s just that you were commenting here when I went to sleep and you’re commenting here now that I woke up.

  • omitted

    “You’ll be able to feel that cuming off the screen.”
    I wouldn’t mind feeling Oscar Isaac cumming… on my face!

  • Angelo
  • Like Icare

    Oh please… Try Churning Potato or Thor or Thor’s Bro.

    The Rock is too old now.

  • Bubs

    I’m not sure I’ve ever referenced you in a post before, besides occasions where I’ve replied to you. Just saw this and thought of you. But I’m glad your cockles are warm, all the same. <3

  • omitted
  • Like Icare
  • Stantz

    I love you guys, really, but after your comments on Looper, and also Austin Powers 2, getting hung up on Time-Travel semantics seems a little picky. But hey, each to their own. I liked it, a lot.

  • instant relief

    I didn’t get that at all.

  • omitted

    No happy ending? What kind of a porno is that?!

  • Joe Syxpac

    What if in the future they stopped having actors and only used dead CGI actors so they didn’t have to pay them anything?

  • Domo

    Those North Korean special effects artists will be happy to pick up the slack! For dear leader!

  • Drain

    That’s as big of a god damn mess as I expected. This is what happens when you make shit up as you go and rehash the same thing again and again and again. I’d love to see a new Terminator movie that doesn’t revolve around time travel or have anything to do with Sara/John Conner. You know, just a different story entirely taking place in the future where Humans that AREN’T Kyle/John are fighting the robots or struggling to survive. But that’ll never happen LOL. They’d rather recycle the same shit 10 times in a row, plot, characters, Arnold, they’re even digging up the catchphrases now. This is how far their desperation for material has sunk. The trailer for this movie was fucking pathetic and I couldn’t have been less interested in a sequel to a once decent franchise. I’ll watch it one day… when it’s on Netflix or dirt cheap at Walmart. I get the feeling it won’t take long for this to occur.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Just because the director doesn’t stop the ending dead it in it’s tracks to tell audience:”hey guys this kid might achieve greatness but he will do us at the cost of a normal life and most likely will walk with this with serious mental problems thanks to Fletcher’s boot camp methods. ” The rest of the film covered that pretty greatly-you just need arrive to that conclusion regardless of how much the flashy ending misguides you. It’s like Scorsese’s Taxi Driver or Wolf of Wall Street-the entire film is in a subjective POV of the main character-you yourself have to supply objectivity to their story or else you’re gonna deem that those movies support and celebrate debauchery,sociopaths,etc.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    What did they pick apart in Looper? Refresh my mind.

  • They sent it back in time to murder Sarah Connor in her diapers.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow
  • More like Double D

  • Sully

    *Throws chair at your face.

  • Stantz

    They didn’t, that’s the point. There’s a scene where Young and Old Bruce are having a conversation in a diner and the subject of time travel, paradoxes and self-fulfilling prophecies comes up. This is simply shrugged off as something not to get too hung up on, The scene in Austin Powers The Spy who Shagged me where Austin ‘goes all cross-eyed’ is also shown. Basically Mike & Jay loved that the intricacies of time-travel aren’t actually relevant to the overall spectacle. With me it was the same deal, the time-travel, while pivotal to certain plot elements, wasn’t the be all and end all of the story. If Time travel theory was in any way accurate, it would be boring

  • *Tugging

  • Like Icare

    I don’t find the movie boring. I liked it.
    But he doesn’t make average or usual movies. Not, you know… for casual viewing. There is a level of attention that is demanded of the audience, not present in most other movies.

    And more than anything that is present in the sound of the movie. ALWAYS, going back to Jericho Mile, there is a LOT of jargon in the language. Which gives authenticity but obfuscates action, as in what is happening, in the scene.
    Then, there is SO MUCH ambient noise.
    Then on top of that, everyone (apart from Pacino and maybe Caan, but that’s actually character and not actor) is talking without any accentuation and almost mumbling their words.
    THEN… he ads characters with thick accents (Li Gong in Miami Vice does not speak English – she learned her lines phonetically) or outright foreign language scenes.

    And all that makes his movies harder to follow.

    Now, I don’t know if he does that on purpose to force the audience to concentrate and pay attention.
    He constantly, on every one of his director’s commentaries, in interviews etc. goes back to that what can be summed up by Plinkett’s “…but your brain did”.
    Only he calls that “audience is a lot smarter than it is usually given credit” or words to that effect.
    So there is a LOT under the surface in every scene and behind all that is happening on the screen.

    He MAY be also purposefully adding that layer of sound obfuscation or it may be an artifact of his highly deliberate production and his aiming for authenticity.
    All I know is, that I need to watch his movies couple of times to appreciate them properly – which I know cause they get better next time I watch them.

    As for schlocky…

    I don’t know… that ending bit made perfect sense to me as something a guy whose fighting style comes from a prison yard might orchestrate.
    The whole stalking from a crowd thing, trying to shiv the guy from behind.

    And there is a GREAT scene just before Thor gets close enough to Kassar, where Kassar is walking through the torches in a wide shot on the far left of the screen… and then Thor enters the screen from the right… both moving through the procession… Thor getting closer…
    It is very… hunter stalking wild prey through the reeds or tall grass… and then the prey shows up behind him and the hunter doesn’t see it.
    It’s actually one of the few scenes where Thor’s physique works, giving that whole lionesque look to the scene.

  • Domo

    But Mike and Jay made the point that the movie itself said not to get too hung up on it, either directly like in austin powers or indirectly through Looper. The Terminator franchise clings to it like a wet turd.

  • Bubs

    Looper’s plot did not completely destroy the logic of 4 previous movies. Nor did Looper’s time travel contradict the logic established in previous entries of the series, as there were none. Additionally, Looper’s time travel logic was not a vain attempt to shoe-horn in a pointless sequel to further milk a franchise for all it is worth.

  • Uncle Dan

    I’m not sure if you’re missing the point. When talking about Looper and Austin Powers, they were referring the moments where a character essentially breaks the fourth wall to say “Don’t worry about all this, it doesn’t matter for the purpose of what the movie is about.”

    I haven’t seen Genisys yet, but I’m guessing they didn’t also have this kind of scene.

  • Uncle Dan

    Ryan Reynolds at least looks more like Michael Biehn. Actually has anyone seen Reynolds in a serious role? I have no idea what that would be like.

  • Bubs

    His role in “The Voices” was rather serious. I quite enjoyed the movie. It was a very accurate representation of what schizophrenia is like. It ends weird though.

  • instant relief

    I’m drunk and I wanna have virtual webzone comment section sex! NOW! TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *enters the room and locks the door…..

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Yay Rage is playing one of my favoritest songs ever.

    https://youtu.be/QYf2Dh71RgY

    and its on topic there is a T2 quote.

  • instant relief

    Oh, no… Who could that be?

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • instant relief

    *woof woof*

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Red Rocket!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Making fun of in-continuity in the commercially generated sequels is the joke here.

  • instant relief

    I hope that’s a euphemism for some australian penis!

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Travoltron

    Yeah, Future War prequel always seemed like the blindingly obvious thing to do. And I thought they were going to do that with Salvation, but McG screwed it up. 🙁

  • instant relief

    I’ve learned something today. o/

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Sully’s references to ‘Lipstick’ mean the same thing.

  • instant relief

    I’m afraid I’m with no hands-on experience.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Dont worry Sully will show you the lipstick….

  • Buk Pravon

    I’m not sure if it will help solving this dispute, but I listened to the commentary track, when I last watched it and the director explained that, when Andrews Dad ran out of the audience and up onto the stage, there originaly were two security guys stopping him and asking Andrew if he knows him. Andrew then turns around and went back on stage, saying “No.”. And the security take his Dad back out of the stage door. Thats why we see him for a brief moment glancing through the nearly closed door, while Andrew is drumming the final.

    They erased that part in the final cut, because they thought that, by just turning his back on his Dad and walking back to the drums, Andrew is showing clear enough, that he wents away from mediocrity and normal life (which we saw him retrieve before he met Fletcher in that jazz club). They saw no need for him to spell it out by vilifying his Dad. … or something like that. My memory isn’t the best. 🙁

    My point is: It was Andrews decision to do what he did. It wasn’t the success of Fletchers methods, that made him do it. Andrew wanted to be great by himself. He could have easily just went away with his father and never drum again. But he won’t.

    I hope I didn’t totally miss the point. °^^

  • instant relief

    Man, this shit is like way too complex for me. Maybe I’ll figure it out if I have another drink or five. Who watches movies anyways? Only like film snobs and the like. Weirdos!

  • Uncle Dan

    Anyone else excited for this?

    https://youtu.be/unnLg1TPCYM

  • instant relief

    That’s definitely some hawt HTML-taggin, motherfucker!

  • Uncle Dan

    Yeah I don’t know how other people embed the videos into the comments. 😛

  • instant relief

    Neither do I, but I like to make fun of people to distract from my own shortcomings. High five, AMIRITE?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    my IP wnt GUI for your hard code.

  • Buk Pravon

    Sounds like a close characterization of mine. 🙂

  • Buk Pravon

    I am. Looks neat. 🙂

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Copy the URL of the ‘Object’ or just copy paste the link from the address bar.

  • instant relief

    I’ve been secretly watching you.

  • Buk Pravon

    oO

    :/ Creepy.

  • My ex wife

    That trailer was more entertaining than the Evil Dead remake I just saw. So there is that.

  • instant relief

    Same here. Looks more promising than The Farce Awakens.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i have not found anything that makes me angry. it looks good, and the CGI was… meh but worked.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No, that would be DEADPOOL, which will be big hit because, Marvel.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Racist!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the remake was jumpscare ‘look we can cut CGI eye balls.’ crap.

  • instant relief

    It’s the only thing that turns me on still. Nothing personal. Just masturbating behind the trees and bushes, when you’re not looking.

  • instant relief

    Actually Drag Me To Hell was the real Evil Dead remake in a sense.

  • Buk Pravon

    Oh. 🙂 Then it’s fine.

    There are plenty of trees and bushes around here. Enough for everybody.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Robin Williams, as Mrs. Doubtfire, as The Terminator.
    Heath Ledger as Sarah Connor.
    Omar Sharif as Skynet.
    Kenny Stabler as Bill Paxton.
    with Michael B. Jordan as Scratch n’ Sniff Terminator 7000.14

  • instant relief

    And Pete Doherty as The Heroine

  • instant relief

    Pervs gotta help each other out, rite?

  • blau

    Does this mean I have to have STARZ to watch this? That would suck.

  • instant relief

    Oh, uhm, yeah, so… I really hope that you’re not gonna rape me now, mister. Although my prostate is kinda saying yes.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Foodie!

  • Palpatine

    Part time.

  • instant relief

    *Fart

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’re talking about the movie Andrew, right, because our Andrew isn’t friendless and he’s also a legend. Both. Ah-ha! Drummer boy!

  • My ex wife

    I only see you, in the same way I only see Al Pacino.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m with you. The kid’s not reclaiming the teacher and the teacher’s methods. He’s sticking it in his eye. That the teacher is getting off on it is just another example of how the teacher doesn’t understand.

    I also think the father is out of the picture, so to speak, at the end, because, duh, spread your wings little bird, but I didn’t find that to be unnaturally sad.

    Then again, I’m me, and I always am a sucker for positivity, as you know.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Disagree. The triumph of the ending is that the kid is the most mature character in the story, and his performance is a direct antagaonism of Fletcher.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i need to be wanted.

    https://youtu.be/4k1Lkz2OAjY

  • instant relief

    I made this video yesterday just for you… you know, just running around in my fur coat in the rain with the boys. <3
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R8xTu68r54

  • My ex wife

    Good, I think I will watch it to purge myself after sitting though, as Andrew pointed out, Jump Scare the movie.

  • Domo

    It’s more giggle-inducing than scary, just the way I like my Evil Dead.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    MY EARS ARE BURNING!!

    oh wait i know the cure.

    https://youtu.be/ejorQVy3m8E

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Not that there’s a problem with that. Taco’s fyucked-up sleep cycles = Our gain.

    Besides we all stayed up for the huge man-on-man action with disco music that happened here last night. You know, because Friday.

  • Palpatine

    *Old fart

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *Part fart, part Shart. Harrison Ford 2015.

  • instant relief

    Is that from the Mad Max: Fury Road soundtrack?

  • Palpatine

    “You’re a teacher?”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Midnight Oil was good enough.. They shouldn’t have been one-hit wonders, but, sigh.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    No that is the former federal minister for education…. dont ask!!!!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Ma dont make me post Midnight Oil hits…. you dont want that.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh god no! i’m not allowed near children.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He’s a picker. He’s a grinner. He’s a lover. He’s a sinner. Some people call (him) Maurice, ’cause he speaks like The Pompous Ass of Love.

  • instant relief

    Some german hip-hop to get you back to reality: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-Jxe_cEx_w

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hits in Australia don’t count. See America’s Men at Work Act of 1982.

  • Noah R.

    *begins crying

  • instant relief

    You too? Pedophile highfive!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh my God. Are you one of those one-tear pansies?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    That IS FUCKING… really good. Deutschland uber alles.
    here is some Australian rap, as a token of my gratitude.

    https://youtu.be/wfvEjQVTMU8

  • instant relief

    Evil Dead is a comedy?

  • instant relief

    Yeah, “Reimemonster” is probably one of the finest german rap songs ever. “Briggs – Rather Be Dead” kicks ass, thanks for recommending, tho I heard that sample before https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0UvQAkGmEc

  • Andrew Thompson.

    when a band writes a song about your local pub you can write the rules.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGhhbB0Eook

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the lyrics are also riffing on BIGGY.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I have the Measles!!! what the fuck is wrong with you!?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ve decided to quit clicking on your links for awhile since today, on account of the dog oral and the rap.

  • instant relief

    AWKWARD!!!! JUST KIDDING! LOLOL >_>

  • dollar store cashier wife

    If Jay is ever gonna bring back Quick Cuts-now’s the time.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it is a 1980 song about playing live music in the Dandenongs.
    and its a dirty pub rock song. you should like it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    True story: The measles would not prevent you from being a teacher of home-schooled Christian kids in the U.S., because God’s Will and The Gov’ment puts non-freedomy stuff in vaccines.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Well tOmy’s not here… so MCR Trivia?

    Q)1 What is MCR?

    Q)2 To what city did i fly my girlfriend to for an MCR concert just to get laid more?

    Q)3 in this video wich cheerleader is tOmy?

    https://youtu.be/k6EQAOmJrbw

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    His last five roles could all be considered “serious.”

    I can’t vouch for them being any good. I saw THE VOICES, too, and I thought it went off the rails almost immediately. The only other thing I can even recall seeing him in was PAPER MAN, which was a lousy movie but inspired BIRDMAN (no it didn’t).

    [Edit: Oh yeah, he was in ADVENTURELAND, too. That wasn’t a comedy, exactly.]

  • dollar store cashier wife

    1)Management Control Review

    2)Karachi, Pakistan

    3)all of them

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the only Vaccine is GOD!
    hahhahah cant say that with a straight face…
    because of my crippling POLIO!

  • instant relief

    1) My Cunt Rocket
    2) I don’t remember, baby. I was high on the Michael Caines.
    3) all of them?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    God wanted you to have polio. Mysterious ways and all. You’re a blessing, and you remind us to pray everyday.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    or else!

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    1. The musical side project of a dude who writes comics or the dude who won an Oscar for DALLAS BUYERS CLUB. One of those.
    2. The real question: To which city wouldn’t you fly to get laid more?
    3. Duh! The peppy one.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Who’s this “we”? You got a mouse in your pocket?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i have two cats…. one more and i qualify for a crazy cat person pension.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Aren’t you afraid the snake will eat them?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the video sux but shit that is da bomb!

  • instant relief
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s right, Jay!

  • instant relief

    Please share your jay with me. Equal rights and all that.

  • bleurgh

    Did anyone see Maggie? Any good?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No. You didn’t wanna be my friend.

    #AnElephant’sMemory(I’mKeepingTheJay)

  • Andrew Thompson.

    One of my cats dragged a 2 meter(6FOOT!) Brown snake into the lounge room…

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_brown_snake

    the funny part is it wasnt dead!!!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is that the one where Anna Paquin causes Mark Ruffalo to run over Allison Janney with a bus? ‘Cause as killer as that sounds, that movie sucked.

  • instant relief

    I’m so glad that I live in this really boring country.

  • instant relief

    Why wouldn’t I be your friend as long as you got weed?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Meow meow meow”

    [Subtitled: Here, Daddy. I brought this to you so you could cut it open. I believe there are mice inside.]

    END SCENE

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • instant relief

    Holy shit! Do you live in the jungle, mate???? O_O
    And I recently went nuts, cuz a fat bumblebee flew into my living room.

  • instant relief

    Anything goes!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    I hope you said, “Snakes… why did it have to be snakes?”

  • bleurgh

    Lol, no the indie dramedy with Arnold adopting a zombie.

  • Maybe they should have reviewed it instead of Genisys. Is it any good?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i like snakes. it was that or go mad…..

  • bleurgh

    Yeah, would have made for a good double feature review, but I think where getting a bit off topic here. Do you think the movie was any good?

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • instant relief

    Wow, you gotta be more powerful than Tarzan.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m a normal australian… you should see the tough ones!

  • omitted

    You had to wait until I was at a board game night to do this?!

  • Julio Esposito

    Now this is something I can jack off to!

  • Noah R.

    Except for Lady Gaga.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I found the rare, blue flower on the slope of the mountainside and made my way across a wide frozen wasteland. After five days I finally reached the sacred temple at the crest of a hidden valley. Summoning the last of my remaining strength, I knocked with bloodied fingers on the huge wooden door and said in a voice broken by exhaustion, altitude and ice:

    “Ra’s al Ghul…I have completed the quest you set for me. I have brought the blossom requested from the hinterlands. May I now gain admission to your league of secret assassins and dedicate my life to fighting crime?”

    At first there was only silence, punctured by the desolate sound of wind on the hillside. Then from within, a voice like falling rocks and echoing thunder eventually replied:

    “Believe me, if you’ve been in your stand for hours or days and get a big buck in easy range, the last thing you want is a squeaky tree stand.”

    I consequently fucked the whole thing off, made my way back to Gotham and bought IMAX tickets to Terminator: Genisys. As predicted, it was utter shite. I left the cinema dismayed and ashamed.

    Still, the Ant-Man film looks passable, doesn’t it? Plus there’s always that Captain America civil war thing coming out next year…or maybe the one with Batman kicking crap out of Superman. And the dinosaur movie is doing well. I don’t think my journey has therefore been in vain. All this rebooted/revived/endlessly-refranchised-garbage has to be worth something, right? Just have a look at the article here: http://www.forbes.com/sites/scottmendelson/2015/06/15/batman-begins-perfected-the-reboot-and-saved-the-comic-book-movie-10-years-ago/

    Then why do I still keep hearing this song in my dreams and nightmares: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS31BD_KYAc

    Answers on a postcard, for a free Pizza Roll, to: somebodyhelpme@wavingnotdrowning.org

    I’m not kidding. I find myself going under, weighed down by a chain made of cynicism, boredom and despair which keeps getting heavier no matter how hard I try and fight it…

  • Palpatine

    Mike and Jay and review an indie film on HitB? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *deep breath* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Yep. Didn’t care for it. They didn’t make me care about the characters. It’s just a bunch of scenes of Arnold and Abigail Breslin shuffling around their house and mumbling for an hour and a half. She goes out with her friends (some of who are also infected) to some campfire party, and there’s kind of a fakeout ending, then it just.. ends. While I appreciate Arnold and the zombie genre doing something kind of different, it just didn’t work for me. I just felt like I had wasted time and money renting it.

  • The trailer didn’t look too awful, to be honest. I haven’t seen it, so I can’t tell.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s because you got sucked in by that Nolan bat-shaped crap. Go outside. Find a park. Watch some big kid bully some little kid. Wait for a former Olympic athlete, now, um, changed somehow, to stroll past. Buy a souvenir Confederate flag and wave it for Southern Pride. Think about the next few years and how good things will be under President Yebboosh. Go home. Have a beer and some pizza rolls for dinner. Maybe catch a movie on Netflix. — Hey, they’re streaming LA CASA DEL FIN TIEMPOS, which is a weird, [spoiler] hybrid that is better than anything any of the TERMINATOR FILMS have managed. — Under no circumstances fall for any of this contemporary comic-book based crap. It’ll make you stupid. If you really gotta do a book with pictures, try Legends of the Dark Knight #38 for m 1990-something. It’s my favorite. Anyway, hope this helps you blend in a little better. I know it’s kinda xenophobic everywhere, and aliens have to take a lot of our societal crap. It gets better. At least, that’s what they keep insisting with all these Pixar movies. It’s all the way it’s supposed to be, I guess, or somebody from the future would’ve arrived and fixed it.

  • Bubs

    This post had my AtheistConservative-ometer in the deep red.

  • Bubs

    1) A machine used for taking making images of ones internal organs. Useful for diagnosing illnesses like cancer or internal bleeding.
    2) Did your girlfriend get cancer? Why did she have to get an MCR?
    3)All of them.

  • Palpatine

    I liked Batman Begins, but if you didn’t, that’s a-okay with me.

  • Bubs

    “Fart time.”

  • ultraterrestrial

    Hi Pa!

    I tried going outside and found only a world of unending misery:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAM9diyVRiM

    Jim Jones killed my hamster with poisoned Kool Aid. It’s a verifiable
    and sad fact.

    There are great things in Comic Books. Less so in Comic Book movies…reboots and endless, tired, gutless movie reshits. Hollywood somehow lost its balls. They make eunuch movies now.

    Like Radiohead once put it, there are many Subterranean
    Homesick Aliens like myself waiting for…something.

    In reply there is generally nothing. And we’re not buying it, patron 😉

  • ultraterrestrial

    It’s a good film – even with the microwave nonsense. But where did it take us, Palpy?

  • ultraterrestrial

    Your ometer is fucked, mate.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, good. The old dumbass finally found someone he could relate to.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s offal, but I know I’m supposed to say, “We can agree to disagree.” Any movie that gives us a world where it’s cool that Batman is a pussy-quitter and Iron Man is the go-to heroic figure of the age has seriously fucked something up beyond repair.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He says ometer. I say omahto.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There are movies you and I both like, Palpy, and if we stick together, we’ll find ’em, by-golly!

  • ultraterrestrial

    No, no…we can more honestly disagree to disagree. I think that’s really important. There could have been far better movies (I’m imagining one of them right now – it stars Jerry Sadowitz as Batman) but it didn’t happen. All I was getting at with my post was the sorry influcence/trend this film had on Hollywood — and how I think it trashed things wholsesale. I’m fuckin sick of reboots…and Marvel…and the reviving of franchises I used to love. I hope these cunts lose everything and rot. If that sounds full of vitriol, it is, and I make no apologies for it. I think the original movie was ok but Batman was something I stopped caring about when I was a kid. I’m in my mid fuckin 40’s and grew out of it tbh 🙁

  • Buk Pravon

    Yes. But I am only a part time perv.

    The rest of the day I am a feminist… which leads us back to the topic: Sociopaths.

  • Domo

    Well, a new Batman V Superman trailer came out.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKdOyyR8ik

    What are you guys’ thoughts on it?

  • ultraterrestrial

    I much preferred Holly Hunter in Crash. “Nobody cares about Clark Kent taking-on the Batman.” I couldn’t give less of a shit if he was taking-on
    AIDS.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    “Be their hero, Clark. Be their angel, be their monument, be anything they need you to be. Or be none of it.”

    That line sums up how contradictory and pointless the entire movie will be.

  • Domo

    Maybe someone should make a Disqus account titled “Ma Kent says You Don’t Owe This World A Thing,” then the circle will be complete. So inspiring!

  • Thanatos2k

    She claims she had no idea what Terminator was – she got what she deserved.

  • ultraterrestrial

    “Tell me…do you bleed? I do. After I wipe.”

  • omitted

    First I thought I saw the Comedian as Thomas Wayne. That would explain a lot.

  • Domo

    It is the same actor as the Comedian in Watchmen.

  • omitted

    Oh, he’s not listed on IMDB so I thought I was mistaken.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Actually, that looked better than I expected, though I still think they’ve gotten all the characters wrong. The Batman-as-a-fascist thing is supposed to be a misunderstanding. Characters within the mythology can think of him that way, but as soon as Bruce Wayne is portrayed as falling into that bleak world-view, he’s no longer heroic — he’s just another pouting 1%-er. The idea of “Superman’s not cool because he’s a Boy Scout, so let’s make him like Wolverine” is still utter bullsh. UTTER BULLSH. And this time Ma Kent’s the one with the shaky ethical compass? Defuck? (Do I have to change my handle to Ma Kent Says You Don’t Owe The World A Thing?)

    It looks like they’ve crammed every Elseworlds book into this (I spotted Red Son, even).

    As a movie, it’ll be perfectly serviceable. It’ll be a sh!t-ton more interesting, certainly, than any of the formulaic Marvel crap (WINTER SOLDIER, exempted). As a representation of these two icons, eh, it’s way-too cynical and contempo-angsty. It’s still fetishizing 9/11, when we all want to move on.

    I’ll certainly have more to say about it as the hype rolls on. Right now, I’m done with superhero movies. I’ll see anything with Batman in it, probably (because, Batman, Duh!), but chances of me being jazzed about any of it decrease by the minute.

  • omitted

    Jaysus Jesse Eisenberg, could you be any less convincing?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Batman, along with The Planet of The Apes (and maybe the old Universal Monsters), are the only pop cultural things I’ve retained from childhood. I never liked superheroes, and I really prefer it when Batman isn’t portrayed as one. Meaning, yeah, I’ve had to give it up, mostly, since the beginning of this decade, entirely.

    Of the Bat-movies, the Burton things are flawed, but they have more creativity and ambition in any single frame than anything Nolan did.

  • NoahsNumber1Fan

    The movie just isn’t quite my tempo.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Domo suggested that name already. 😉

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Just reacted to this. WATCH IT NOWWW– I hate to say it, but I’m interested. Lol. Why is Jesse Eisenberg’s hair so weird? I laughed when I saw it. Why is he touching Supe’s face?

  • fred

    Let’s not forget the Hitman video game movie.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv7lgQ8hiz0

  • ultraterrestrial

    Harry Knowles posted his test screening questionnaire for Batman V Superman. Just gotta love someone with a heart that weighs more than a car. Here goes:

    1) If you thought this film was anything other than a cynical, sleazy money-grab by a desperate and dying studio, would you consider yourself to be:

    A) A cunt?

    B) A miserably thick cunt – who should have their entire bloodline wiped off the planet to benefit the rest of humanity?

    C) 10?

    2) If you think this movie has any social importance aside from hawking cereal brands/fast food outlets to a docile herd of grazing consumers, do you see yourself as:

    A) Thick?

    B) Terminally thick?

    C) Dead?

    3) If you enjoyed this puerile shite will you come back for another one:

    A) I sure will!

    B) I was raped by my grandfather—I’m reluctant.

    C) What was the question again?

    Etc…

  • ultraterrestrial

    I like the Burton movies much more. They managed to be (what’s that word again?)…oh yeah…’fun’.

  • Palpatine

    Hey Harry, when’s your web series that cost $250,000 coming out?

  • Domo

    A) Tuesday

    B) Yes. This.

    C) I blame Sara Richardson.

  • omitted

    Why do you have so many CAPS?!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think it’s gonna be Man of Steel 2.0. Not good but still more memorable and interesting then most marvel cookie cutter movies could ever hope to be. All thanks to unintentional schlocky-ness it will have in spades.

  • omitted

    “You can see Superman’s… (pause for thought) Superman’s outfit pops a little bit more”
    Don’t you mean you popped a woody looking at Henry Cavill? Cum on Taco, we’re all (not) brothers (yet) here, you can tell me. Also luving the jizz jazz hands at 7:57!
    Is it weird that I have this uncontrollable urge to reach in and crush your mouth-hole ruffle your hair? I bet it feels great!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s like he thinks he’s in one of those indie comedy’s.Or was that Micheal Cera that did all those movies? I always get the two of them mixed up.

  • My ex wife

    I am most probably many month or years out of date here, but what the hell is this?

    http://www.newvideo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/SharknadoFeedingFrenzy_3D_DVD.jpg

    RLM lawyers… activate!

  • Noah R.

    Your back my boy, I’m proud!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They’re making up for things that kinda pissed me off in Man of Steel and that’s good. That ending fight between Zod and Superman is treated as a 911 event and not an action scene. Thank you, Terrio, for being smart. You understand why Batman wants to stop Superman, also he probably killed some of the people he knew. Gal Gadot looks kinda cool as Wonder Woman, I’m sold on the look not the acting part. Jeremy Irons is a perfect Alfred. Great lines in this and a great sense of realism of what the fuck would happen if Superman came to our world and caused a 911 level event. The action I’m not sure on but the Batman stuff, not going to lie that is the Batman I have always wanted on the big screen. I love Keaton and Bale in the roles but in terms of action they we’re not this Batman-ish, if that is a word. This is Batman from the Arkham games. What else….oh the Joker and Robin thing. I like it as a fan of the comics because Batman ever since Jason Todd’s death has always had it in the cave until he came back through a rage inducing reason I don’t want to get into but I’m not sure what this means for the movie. Is it why he is retired? Is he retired? Is it a reminder as to why he still fights as Batman? Don’t know. Who were those guys who were soldiers with Superman badges? Are they like a cult that worships him? If so that’s kinda creepy in a good way. In the end this has what I liked about Man of Steel in it, in the visual and thematic meaning, and to me it’s clear that Warner Bros is wanting to make up for their mistakes with Man of Steel and good on them. Kick ass trailer.

  • Noah R.

    I am upset!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s the hair, if Jesse Eisenberg was bald maybe I would like him a bit more saying those lines. The way he delivers them I thought was great but the hair, I hope that’s a fucking wig because it sure looks it.

  • omitted

    I don’t like the “Redcapes are cuming” even in voice-over.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It doesn’t work as voice over it might have worked better if they showed the scene were he is saying it but they should have used the “Devil’s come from the sky line” instead because that works as voice over because he isn’t do that weird Abe Lincoln voice.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So wait a minute, WB uploads the Batman v. Superman trailer and not the Suicide Squad trailer. That makes no sense. People like me we’re nervous about BvS and now I’m really looking forward to it but the same applies to Suicide Squad. Show us something that so we aren’t nervous anymore. Whatever I’m gonna review the leaked footage and it looks pretty cool. I hate the editing because they’re using for one the footage they have which isn’t a lot because a movie like this takes a while to film and they used a song that is slowed down as some cool shit is shown on screen. Thanks, Joss Whedon, you started an annoying trailer trend. Burn in hell. Best part was Harley Quinn, the Batman chase, and Jared Leto as the Joker. The tattoos look great on film and look really stupid in the picture. Still upload that trailer WB

    https://youtu.be/Z0YIJQ1jgEI

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m gonna quote Jay: “Looks like a miserable nightmare.”

  • omitted

    His thoughts on the comment section?

  • Smeeth

    I haven’t even seen this movie and already I love it. It looks like the best Terminator film since Terminator Salvation. Do a commentary for Freddy’s Revenge, you fucks!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Latent.

    #JustSayin’

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think it was simultaneous.

  • Smeeth

    But BvS looks terrible. The trailer looks terrible. The Comic-Con trailer looks terrible. Suicide Squad looks interesting, I guess, but I bet it’s terrible. It’s all going to be awful, inna final analysis.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Weird, is the word you’re looking for I think. But, there’s so much in those that was inspired by the German Expressionist silent cinema that I love. it’s become fashionable to hate on those two movies, but no superhero movie since has matched ’em, in my opinion.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The final analysis will have to wait for, you know, when the movie’s out and there can possibly be the beginning of a final analysis.

    How does it look terrible? Better yet, compare how terrible this looks to how terrible JURASSIC WORLD looked, so we can get an idea of just how little yours or my opinion will matter regarding the success or failure of this.

    What’s your vested interest in this being awful? Is it the same as my vested interest in THE FORCE AWAKENS being awful? Because, I’ve kind of just decided that I’m gonna let that go if I wanna keep any internet pals.

    I guess I’m just asking for specifics. So we can engage on something.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is there a Suicide Squad trailer available yet?

  • omitted
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That line was so bad, I would swear it was written by David Goyer or Jonathan Nolan.

  • Smeeth

    I think Force Awakens will be wonderful. I haven’t seen Jurrassic Worlds because it looks terrible. Since when has success had anything to do with quality? Perhaps not so long ago. BvS will wash its face, obviously. Fact. But it’ll still be horrible.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So, no specifics then? OK.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I know this is an idiot’s question, but what point is Harry Knowles trying to make?

    1. That’s a BIG if. The question is moot.
    2. Shouldn’t there be a D) Both B and C? because if not, you’re just giving away that the correct answer is A. You don’t write a lot of multiple choice tests, I hope.
    3. I thought we were talking about BvS. Why are you dragging GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY into this?

  • omitted

    “Service Unavailable

    The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime or capacity problems. Please try again later.”

    Fyuck you, you hack frauds!

  • RLMkeepitup

    A glitch in the matrix usually means they changed something.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That happened to me a few times yesterday. I thought I was being personally targeted.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Made me look.

  • omitted

    It would seem Jay hates us equally.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *fears

  • It seems that this is a completely new Batman, looks like another reboot. SIGH .

  • Smeeth

    There’s no fun in specifics. Suffice to say, The Force Awakens looks like a fun adventure whereas BvS looks like Watchmen. And Watchmen was fucking rubbish.

  • Pretty spot on.

  • RLMkeepitup

    The lawyers felt sorry for anyone who would watch that dvd

  • I think the 9/11 shot says it all.

  • omitted

    “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to… fucking

  • RLMkeepitup

    probably that it smells like an open grave

  • Because he’s Lex and Lex is bald. This version is uncomfortable with his baldness.

  • Hate fucks are the best kind of fucks, amirite guise? *raises hand for a high five but everyone leaves him hanging*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Except devils don’t come from the sky. What devils have ever come from the sky? Is this a Biblical thing? Lex Luthor is referring to Lucifer’s fall from Heaven, which he thinks is literally in the clouds? I thought Lex Luthor was supposed to be smart. The “devils come from the sky” thing bothers me more than the “red capes” thing, which bothers me plenty.

    I thought they got somebody to re-write this script?

  • omitted

    *grabs your low hangers*

  • NoahsNumber1Fan

    I never left. I’ve been watching… waiting…

  • RLMkeepitup

    or batman borrowed some gear from ironman. I’m just thrilled that Jeremy Irons is talking about RAGE again, every ounce of it

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    But, can’t hate lead to fear, and fear lead to anger, and anger lead to fucking?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I saw a leaked version but it was taken down.

  • Mick Travis

    You hack frauds better do a commentary track for BACK TO THE FUTURE PART II so we can listen to it on October 21,2015.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m pretty sure Lexi Belle here was referencing Superman and is clearly manipulating Holly Hunter in that scene.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jeremy Irons as Alfred was the only thing there I recognized, said James Cameron.

    Oh, and did you all notice Zod’s corpse? Looks like that horrible idea of having Doomsday cloned out of Zod’s bod is accurate after all (shudder). How does that NOT end up looking like The Abomination from The Hulk movie?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Have any of us ever talked about Ang Lee’s really horrible Hulk movie?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No, I get that he’s referencing Superman. I just don’t get the line.

    “Devils come from the sky.”

    “OK. Calm down, culty boy. Birds come from the sky.”

    “I mean, that thing’s not an angel. It’s a devil. Hell is upside down. You feel me?”

    “Uh, not really. Here. Sit down. Have you eaten? Maybe have a saltine or something.”

    END SCENE

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There was a little bit of a discussion of hulk poodles the other day, but we all decided to leave it alone.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    To quote Vicious from Cowboy Bebop “When angels are cast out of Heaven they become demons.” I think what Lex is implying here is that once he becomes attacked by society he will ruin us, attack us.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Man of Steel I can see has a love it or hate it superhero movie but Ang Lee’s Hulk I have to wonder how could anyone ever like this pile of shit?

  • RLMkeepitup

    I enjoyed him jumping like a bean. Also it had the Hulk Dogs. Just try to read their ‘biography’ here without laughing: http://marvel-movies.wikia.com/wiki/Hulk_Dogs

  • Alex Lee

    Directed by Zack Synder.

  • Alex Lee

    He needs to have hair so that Supes can blow it off.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOsYaQ775BM&t=2m26s

  • omitted

    *him

  • The Ghost

    Inferring what I can from a trailer, BvS appears to at least have the ingredients for an interesting story. Superman having to atone for all the damage in Metropolis. Bruce believing Clark’s unlimited power is a danger to the world. It’s classic Justice League feuding.

    My question is how will they focus that story effectively? The messy, frantic nature of the trailer suggests that it might be an issue. Having to cram in Wonder Woman and Aquaman and make a backdoor Justice League pilot might ruin what would’ve otherwise been a damn good story.

    Plus, this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been intrigued by a Snyder trailer only to have the film fall flat.

    We’ll see. At this point, it’s all *ahem* “POINTLESS SPECULATION.”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Lee, you fuck. You bought your CGI Hulk Dogs from Discount Lights and Magic, you cheapskate. I know it because I SOLD IT TO YOU!

  • Palpatine

    So instead of wasting my money with watching Terminator Genisys, I deiced to watch the original Terminator film. Boy, I sure do miss the 80’s and original ideas.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Wait, you can LOG OFF?

    I never realized that was an option. I thought you’d realize you’re part machine and then the computer will flush you out, only for you to then get picked up by the Nebuchadnezzar.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Superman is so reckless.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jebus Chrissy! Angry fyucking. Hateful fyucking. I’ll never understand the young generation. Whatever happened to cuddling?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    You can reach in but only if you’re dressed up like Superman.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Lotsa baseball games. Lotsa souvenirs.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Caps is Marvel, Supe is DC.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Cosplay always leads to kinky sex.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I ride the bus. Is that anything like the Nebuchadnezzar?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Maybe it’ll be four hours long.

  • The Ghost

    It took 12 years to watch.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The tattoos really don’t look ridiculous?

  • Palpatine

    You know, I was really turned off by the first trailer, but this one wasn’t half bad. The action looks good, it’s nice to see Wonder Woman in her first theatrical film, and best of all, it doesn’t look like a miserable nightmare like the first trailer. But sadly, the good things in the trailer are out-weighed by the bad, Jesse Eiesberg as Lex Luthor looks so bad, it’s actually kind of laughable, the whole Superman being an evil alien is really annoying, and Batfleck acting like a sociopath is going to hurt. But it seems we’ll just have to wait till next year to judge the movie for ourselves.

  • David Simonot

    “Scientist explains (movie),” needs to be a thing now

  • Palpatine
  • instant relief

    I’m so sorry. 🙁

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    After weighing all my options on this uneventful Saturday night, I’ve decided to see Jurassic World in 3D at my local theater. If it’s a bigger letdown than Man of Schlock I’m going to pull a Roy Batty and thumb my own eyes out. You’ll know I went through with it if I never post here again. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with these thoughts…

    Smart lad, to slip betimes away
    From fields where glory does not stay,
    And early though the laurel grows
    It withers quicker than the rose.

    Eyes the shady night has shut
    Cannot see the record cut,
    And silence sounds no worse than cheers
    After earth has stopped the ears.

    Now you will not swell the rout
    Of lads that wore their honours out,
    Runners whom renown outran
    And the name died before the man.

    Live long and prosper, my frauds.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I think they may already be doing this for advertisements, at least using the likeness of actors anyway.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’d say the film explores inhuman practices, but does not necessarily endorse them.

  • instant relief

    Owww, my head.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Watch Rich Evans’ Star Wars Reaction. 🙂

  • “You’re not fooling anybody, baldy”.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “backdoor Justice League”

    Gay porno?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’ll be honest, I don’t know what any of this means.

  • ♪♪The torture porn on the red roy disc

    A sweet kiss of liquid modernity♪♪

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdkeF6ACyBo

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    For me the positives in that film outweigh the negatives. Basically, from my memory I can only really recall the things I enjoyed. I think it’s because I ended up having an emotional connection with Bruce so I ended up caring about what happened.

    Also, I loved the running and jumping. Shit’s cool as fuck. I enjoyed the editing as well.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I don’t know. Does Perry Black White ride your bus?

  • Sully

    To be fair, Batman would be a sociopath. That aside, I really liked the finale of Man Of Steel parts through Bruce Wayne’s eyes. It illustrates well his motivation in this film.

  • Palpatine

    Good point. Now… back to 9/11.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It works when he’s moving and wearing clothing. Luckily both applied to him in the the trailer.

  • Sully

    Color me impressed. Though I won’t know how I truly feel about it until I watch the Rich Evans reaction video.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hulk Dogs. It had fucking Hulk Poodles and you liked it.

  • The Ghost

    At last, Bruce, Clark and Diana engage in the Devil’s Threeway m/

  • Sully

    I enjoyed that film as well. Sure the CG is dated as fuck now, but like you said, it was the emotional connection that drew me to the character. I liked the little details in the story; how the desert flowers reminded him of his mother; how when he was running and jumping through the desert (even though he was Hulked out), it was the most peace he’s ever been.
    Ang’s Hulk is also the only one that ever truly delved into the anger and rage of the character. The scene in the end where he’s battling his father was, possibly, the greatest illustration of his abilities, coming so consumed by rage that he actually affects the energy around him.

    Don’t get me wrong, it had some dumb shit too, all comic book movies do, but it also had some really strong storytelling aspects, and those I enjoyed.

  • Sully

    “Value Stop?”

    What happened to S-Mart? I mean, how da fuck am I supposed to shop smart at Value Stop?

  • Palpatine

    S-Mart died on the way back to its home planet. Wait, what?