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Heres how I’d like the prequals to go
A young Anakin is accepted as a Jedi. The council gives him his first mission of investigating a distress signal from Naboo. Anakin travels to Naboo and on the way he is attacked by a mysterious ship. Anakin narrowly escapes the pursuing vessal and lands.
He lands only to find the city completely taken over by droids armored very well and armed to the circuits(OHLOL) Anakin is taken prisoner and loses his lightsaber they toss him aside in to a cell. Anakin uses the force, his focus to the force is still very very bad and he barely manages to open the door to his cell by picking the lock with the force.(He manipulates the lock with the force) He immediately encounters the droids. Anakin runs down a coridor narrowly escaping the fire from them and gazes upon a large construction proect, the project is apparently creating a large droid capable of traveling at light speed and unleashing massive destruction.
Anakin runs through fire from the droids and finds his lightsaber along with many other prisoners. Using the combined effort of the prisoners he manages to over power the droids in the facility and destroy the project.
Anakin encounters the queen and she explains that large armies of droids overpowered there defenses and landed in the city and began killing and enslaving everyone led by a strange man.
Anakin looks outside and sees the same vessel that chased him landing on a building with battle droids emerging from the building. The prisoners than release other prisoners and the newly established small army of Naboo battles off the droids but soon a strange being emerges from the vessel. (Its darth maul) Darth Maul and Anakin engage in assault with Anakin barely keeping up, Darth Maul than uses the power of the dark side to momentarrily confuse Anakin and the fight stops.
Darth Maul describes the Dark side of the force but Anakin resists and manages to kill Darth Maul. But Anakin is forever changed by his expierance with the dark side…
Jedi land in the city and begin to kill off the last of the droids and the episode ends…
Sounds fricking awesome wish you wrote it!
dude wow thanks for the enlightenment. Lucas really did f–up job
Much simpler and better.
while i agree that this is better than the acutal plot for episode one i’d personally stay away from everything that was in the prequels/games. it needed a total re-write of all of its charachters save for anakin obi-wan and yoda.
the sith are supposed to be the opposite of the jedi so they would move behind the scenes and manipulate others into doing their bidding. darth maul just shows up and swings his light saber around.
i would think something more like manipulating the mandalorians into fighting the republic (fuck! thats a game plot device!) would have worked a lot better. they seem less impotent than a bunch of droids. if fette was really the last of the mandalorians (do any of the movies actually say this?) i’d rather see the cause of that than a bunch of droids being mowed down. fuck the clones too.
allowing the jedi to behave like people would be good too. let them marry and have families. this would make the jedi more relatable and would give them something to potentially lose in a galactic war.
anakin could even start his downward spiral to the dark-side commiting several atrocities in the war after the capture of his wife or something.
he shouldn’t start off a child, maybe a war-vet who fought along side obi-wan in an earlier war and obi-wan sensed in him the potential of the force or some shit like that. there are just so many other better possibilities…
the one in the prequels isnt boba fett its jango ,bobas father, when he is behaded in episode 2 boba takes over and appears in the original trilodgy
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hilarious… in part 2 on 27:33… there is a subconcious message to DONATE… crazy
Woah, how did you spot that? xDD
You may not have noticed it… but your brain did.
More Reviews mr plinkett !!!!!!
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I must say that I really enjoyed watching your reviews. Salute.
BTW if you need help making your basement ‘problem’ disappear, let me know. ; )
The guy knows what makes a good and a bad movie, but I’m not going to watch his reviews anymore because, as good as they are, they aren’t worth seeing “funny” scenes about torturing women.
I know right, those scenes with Natalie Portman were a crime against humanity.
A White Knight complaining abour the Plinkett Reviews?
Loosen up man.
You mean Arabs?
I agree with “just some guy”. I love these reviews (they are incredibly insightful), but the “asides” just kind of jolt me out of the review and make me a little uncomfortable. It also makes it a lot harder to recommend this to friends that I’m not really close to.
“Why would someone who can diguise themselves by changing their face, need a disguise?” 26:13, pretty much sums up the whole illogical plot of the prequels.
The second point is why even make a character a shapeshifter if they don’t ever shapeshift and then die
And the shapeshifter should have been focused on getting away instead of trying to kill a Jedi in the bar.
dont slag off Star wars Mr plunkett , we all know you get a hard on for the whole saga
“And they broke new ground by having the first homosexual in Star Wars” hahahahaha
Pause part 2 on the diagram of the female reproductive system and read the labels.
Where did Plinkett get the awesome background music?
I used to have good copies of the prequels along side my original trilogy DVD’s, but after not watching them even once in 6 years I finally deleted them altogether. I also have to say that the prequels destroyed the Star Wars universe so badly that I can’t even get any joy out of watching the originals anymore, not to mention the fact that George added horrible cartoons to almost every scene.. ruining them too.
I am more interesting in the kidnapped hooker sub-plot than I am these terrible movies.
exactly his point
Exactly, he points out the shit in a shitty movie. Kind of hard to point out good things about a bad movie, no?
Quit trolling. Thanks.
Darth Maul was never a Sith Lord, just an apprentice. Besides, I don’t see what so many people see in Maul. Sure, he looks kind of cool and acts badass, but he has like 3 lines in the movie, shows nearly no personality, and is more or less unimportant to the plot (except killing Qui Gon).
You’re Absolutely right about Maul. I guess because he wasn’t developed people use him as the blank slate for a better villain that they imagine themselves.
Im sorry but “the ease of digital film making”… are you implying that the CGI in the star wars prequels is in any way easy to do?.. you have no fucking idea how hard it is.
Hes making a comparison, digital vs filmed on location…. filmed on location is way harder to film because you can’t control every aspect of whats happening unlike CGI….. gosh a 12 year old could figure that out you retard.
who the fuck cares, who hard it is? but you know, it’s hard for the animators, not for fucking lazy ass george. he just orders some backgrounds and get them.
must’ve watched this five times or more and only just noticed who’s in the background in part one: 13:11
Just found this! Really interesting review. I must tell you that you’re wrong on one account though. Samuel L. Jackson actually came to Lucas and begged him to be in it because he’s such a big fan, hence the small part in ep. 1.
Can anyone tell me which are the Samuel Jackson movies used as clips in the review?
That’s not true on all fronts. Yes, it obviously is prevalent here, but CGI has finally started getting to the point where emotions can be conveyed. A good example is Caeser from Rise of the Planet of the Apes. That was a combined effort of a CGI team and Andy Serkis, and it succeeded in showing exactly what the monkey is feeling and thinking in each scene.
I love that movie.
That was a particularly good example. It worked in that movie. Another one would be the wonderful scene between Bilbo and Gollum under the mountain in The Hobbit. Still, I have to say; at leasy 85% of the time if any character is being done in CGI, you can pretty much just assume that they will come across with the humanity of a kitchen appliance, and you would be right. This is true with new movies as well. I think as the technology has improved, a lot of directors have just become more lazy. They won’t put in even a tenth of the work that Spielberg did in Jurassic Park to get the CGI right, even though the technology has improved considerably. I’d say as a rule of thumb, you will probably have about twice as tough a time conveying emotion through a CGI vehicle as any other kind, even today.
I would say what you say about the directors is about half-true. The other half is that CGI affects two very important things directors have to deal with: adversity and control. To elaborate:
First off, CGI and post-production in general removes a lot of the adversity from film-making, and the lack of adversity can easily lead to creative stagnation. Consider this: originally Jaws had a huge mechanical shark throughout the movie, but it malfunctioned, so Spielberg was forced to shoot around the lack of an actual shark in a shark movie. This gave us some of the most iconic moments in the movie. If the same thing happened today, they could have simply added a CGI shark there and be done with it. Same thing with lighting, visuals and even shooting on set. All of these factors provided things that the director often had to work around, and these oftentimes led to unique shots and novel ideas.
As for control, it spans from the simple fact that even though CGI gives a lot of control for the director in depicting his “vision”, it also robs them of a fair amount of control at the same time simply because the final work is not actually done under the supervision of the director. How a CGI scene will ultimately look is decided not by the director, but the hundreds of modelers, animators, special effects guys and other technicians who work on these details, and while the director can heavily influence these people, he cannot just change a shot or micromanage things like on a real set.
I wanted to see Yoda fight. But when I pictured Yoda fighting, I imagined that he would have just sat down on the floor, folded his hands and closed his eyes. He would sit totally motionless and use the Force to deflect each and every attack. He could still have a light saber, but instead of being the little jumping-bean, bouncing off everything, he would have remained in his meditative state and he wouldn’t have even touched the light saber. It would have floated around, again, being controlled by the Force.
Or even better, he could have fought without actually fighting. Just sitting there, his opponents knowing that he was one of the most powerful Jedi ever, and he would just talk to them while they would circle around him, slowly unnerving them by being calm and nonchalant, speaking to them in that half chiding half jovial voice of his until his opponents either rush at him at random, at which point he would maybe push a guy down to scare away the rest, or they would simply run away because they are so scared of the little green guy sitting in front of them.
Instead we get a grasshopper with a tiny lightsaber…
this. or just have him sit in the meditated state with his light saber out but not even moving his arms but just his hands to deflect his attackers attempts.
And it’s baffling why Yoda just didn’t use the Starfighter in the other room to crush Dooku. It’s not like he can’t move ships with his mind.
You know Lucas is a hack when a random schmoe on the internet rewrites one of his scenes in a single short paragraph and it’s 19,000x better than the Ninja Turtle cartoon scene that actually made it to the screen.
I hope Lucas and the team watch this, then they rip their eyes out to try and hide their shame.
I was HIGHLY offended by the subplot. It made me feel uncomfortable and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I jagged off.
Well when shit is all there is, there isn’t really much else to point out; is there?
These reviews are really the best I’ve ever seen. You remind me of one of those Jerky Boys.
of course he knows. you idiot!!!
I will guess next review will be… BAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT MAN, mostly because of the island and it’s repeated missing the point of the clonus horror, missing the question of whether or not it was right to clone and kill to save someone’s life, but instead the cloners are cartoonish bad guys, Sean Bean wants to be a “GOD” and Tom Lincoln is dying because its his fault “lots and lots of sex man” and is ready to kill the poor, stupid innocent clone because he wants to live and everyone else can die. The plot holes are enormous, (really, you let the clone drive the car even when you were going to betray him, Tom?) the camera never stays the fuck still, the irritating action is repetitive and never fucking ends, and HI what was with the black guy? He was a bad guy, arranged an attack on police when they had the clones in custody, probably killing them, showed no remorse when Steve Buscemi died, THEN HE FREES THE CLONES, HELPS SCARLET JOHANNSON TO FREE THE CLONES AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Did the cops who picked up the clones deserve to die? I mean, when he thought Tom Lincoln was the clone, he shot him in cold blood. THIS CHARACTER MAKES NO SENSE
We we Padme! HAHAHAHA! That was epic man!
What about, well, pretty much everything Pixar has brought out in the last 17 years (starting with Toy Story obviously).
Let’s shoot an unofficial one !
Don’t feel sorry for them…I envy them being so easily entertained.
How do I into calendars
That’s why these reviews are made for entertainment and satire.
It’s also because, for all intents and purposes, Jango Fett’s character is a duplicate of Boba Fett. This is to support the fans who love Boba Fett from the original trilogy. There’s absolutely no reason for any Fetts to be involved in the prequels, save for fan-boys.
Can I have a pizza roll. Seriously will you send me a pizza roll.
I think the issue with these prequels is less Plinkett’s claim that the film has no main character, and more that Anakin’s role as the main character is undermined by the lack of any real foil.
In the originals, Luke was played against Han as the innocent farmboy vs. the cynical scoundrel, against Yoda as the eager hothead against the wizened sage, and ultimately against Vader, because Luke’s journey brings him on a parallel course as his father, up until he realizes what his anger is doing to him.
In the prequels, Anakin has no direct foil; he is a child in the first film, separated from Obi-Wan for the bulk of the second film, and turns into Vader in the third film. I believe I once heard George float the idea that the progression of Sith foreshadowed aspects of Vader’s character – the brutal fighter, the dominant ruler, the robotic creature – but really, all that means is that Anakin’s only foil is himself: Vader.
The progression of Anakin’s character is defined by who he will eventually turn into, but a). that is a downward spiral, not an arc that infuses noble traits like the audience usually sees, and b). the original Vader does not appear until the final montage of establishing shots at the end, so the comparison never takes place on screen, and assumes the viewer has the older movies in mind when viewing. Also, of the three, the only one Anakin faces directly is Dooku; he is too young to fight Maul and only has one glancing encounter with Grievous.
Having said that, if one has to write a thesis on why Anakin is the main character of the series, then clearly the movies failed to establish that for the viewer. My primary enjoyment of these films comes from watching it as though Palpatine were the main character. Seeing him manipulate everything and everybody to achieve political power, military power, and to turn the Jedi’s greatest weapon against them, he has a much clearer progression towards his stated goals. But since he’s a B character and most of his scenes is boring political schlock, it’s hardly a replacement for the mostly-ignored Clone Wars taking place at this time.
Oh my god… I just imagined a trilogy where Darth Maul was a proper main villain with a proper character who was in the forefront throughout the entire trilogy and a foil for Anakin. Someone stronger, faster and more vicious than him who have contrasted with a kind, eager but inexperienced Anakin and who would have defeated him over and over again, driving him to obsess over becoming more and more powerful until it drove him to the dark side.
Then at the end of the third movie he finally defeats Maul in a similar fashion as he defeated Dooku, and then there would be a beautiful parallel to draw with Return of the Jedi, except Anakin gives in to his hate and kill a defenseless Maul and thus completely falls to the dark side.
Such a potent rivalry has infinitely more context and motivations for a fall-from-grace character arc like Vader’s, and t would have actually utilized an iconic but ridiculously undersused villain to do so. Where is a good fanfic writer when you need one…?
Nothing like seeing The Last Starfighter compared to this movie. Favorably.
fuck yeah. 100% on how this lacks all emotion. thanks, man
videogame graphics? do these movies have a difficulty level? i musta been playing them on very easy cause i was SO bored with them.
video games can display a LOT more emotion then these ~!CGI!~ graphics did. but they are not video game graphics.
so true…In “half in the bag” the resident evil movies are called bad movies and one of the (many) reasons should be that there where video-game adaptations. The movies are bad but that is nonsense.
The movie even didn’t try to be an adaptation. Its just scene after scene with senseless action. And Mila Jovovich cow look. In bad quality. It reminds more off the slash and hack zombie D movies from the 70s and early 80s than an adaptation of an high quality product like Resident Evil is…..WAS….the franchise isn’t so good anymore but is still better than Paul W Andersons atempts to become the next George Romero and give his wife something to do.
And so I could go on and go on. Even Silent Hill lacks logic. “We had to make small adjustment so that the audience will understand….” Thats BS!!! Making Allessa the Demon that brings revenge is BS!
I don’t get it. Seems like japanese video games are understandable for kids between 6 and 16…but to high for THE AUDIENCE of a cinema….and movie makers.
does anyone know what the song is at the end?
I noticed that the picture of the scale between Yoda and a 19-foot tall Gorgan, at 4:33, in that pic Yoda is flipping off the Gorgan.
What is the Sci Fi movie referenced in part one? looks good.
“The last starfighter”
it’s funny that a b league sci-fi movie like the last star fighter seems better then episode 2
Last Starfighter was not B grade. It was an A level movie. At the time, it was an absolute pioneer with cgi as well. Nobody had ever had the number of fully cgi frames as the ship fighting scenes in space. It required a supercomputer to render those shots (I kid you not), and was featured on the cover of Omni as a result. Also; it was a great sic-fan fairy tale and one of my very favorite films as a kid.
You think Hollywood would make a remake of that? Cause with today’s technology, it’d be even more blowy-up-ier.
And I actually like The Last Starfighter better than Tron in terms of 80′s CGI movies because it had a simple plot that didn’t get bogged down by effects.
I need to go buy some bleach.
what’s that movie he kept showing clips of in the first part?
the last starfighter
god damn. every time he shows a clip of lucas, the way he talks, he sounds like a moron trying to sound smart. it’s saddening
The prop at 9:00 used in both ST:TNG and the last Starfighter, looks very similar to something in Alien Nation (1988). James Caan and his partner break into some kind of lab with the same device about an hour into the movie. I feel better now.
A 30 second Disney World advertisement playing right before the massive review that skewers the Star Wars franchise.
I want to know what Anakin says in part 2 when it’s censored. I imagine its something like “Oui, oui Padme, can I take you out the the shitter and give you a rim job, then shove a baggete up your cunt, eh?”
5:20 Han and Luke do NOT grow and change like real people.
Real people don’t grow and change. That’s why it’s called “fiction” – it’s not real. It’s escapism.
uhhh speak for yourself static boy
That’s a very broad, sweeping statement for something that is so untrue and ilinformed.
Sorry if you don’t feel that you’re different from how you were e.g. 5 years ago, and you don’t know any people well enough to tell that they have changed, but people do learn and evolve and grow as people.
They don’t do 180′s, but their personalities do change over time.
6:50 “A large, corrupt, impotent United Nations in space.”
You could have just said “A United Nations in space” and the meaning would be the exact same.
The lightsaber part well back them(star wars IV, V and VI) There was only 2 jedi with them and one of them died in the first movie but in the prequels there are 50000000000 jedis, but still i agree with you
So maybe it’s a good thing he sold it to Disney. At least a fan can be in charge of the creative process instead of a self-absorbed douche.
Except the hired JJ Abrams.
And JJ Abrams is a fan of Star Wars. He’s actually stated he likes Star Wars over Star Trek. Just sayin’.
my problem is this review really, i mean, there are a lot of amazing points that this guy makes, but the whole fucking series of reviews are ruined by all the crappy abduction, torture scenes.. why cant it just be a good review pointing out all the problems??
I like the frame narrative of the kidnapping — it adds another layer of commentary on the movie. As ridiculous as the Plinkett/Nadine relationship is, it actually presents a more interesting and plausible romance than what Lucas was able to come up with.
Because it’s satire…
This evolved out of the joke from the Phantom review that it is so bad the only way to get someone to watch it was by tying them up and forcing them. Also; the juxtaposition of the batshit crazy psycho Plinkett having very logical and well thought out commentary lends a level of irony. Thirdly; the implicit joke that the only person who would actually sit down and do enough work to put together a feature length review of these movies for youtube would have to be crazy… the rest of the character flows out of that.
If you like these review you will really like this YouTube video;
I know hot to turn that off.
A plastic tube gets cut in half by a lightsabre.
Woman with nice tits touches arm, asks if single.
“UHH LETS GET BACK TO THE MOVIE”
Good going, Plinkett.
Mike should fuck nadine
Hey! These are real people you’re talking about. Wait for the inevitable Mike and Nadine nostalgia action figures… then you can do whatever you want. With $30K setup and $3 per unit molding costs, you’ll have to wait until a couple thousand people want them, cash in hand. What about 3D printing? A 6-inch Shapeways action figure runs about $300 bucks, last I checked. You can go smaller, of course, or add a Shapeways Stoklasa action figure head to an existing GI Joe action figure body. In that event, we might be approaching something like a $30-$50 retail price in the next couple of years. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait for the existing market (around 100 buyers) to grow about 20 times bigger. At present rate of growth, that’s a 5 year minimum. I’m betting the 3D printing option will come down into consumer price ranges MUCH faster, especially if they team up with semi-famous YouTube cos-players like Jessica Nigri and Yaya Han who (might) want their own limited-run action figures to auction off, too. Then it’s worth somebody’s time to make it happen, so your action figure fantasies can all come true. Cheaper alternative… kegger.
Mm…I like to fuck my cat
As soon as I read “Mike and Nadine nostalgia action figures”, I had a vision of RLM having as much merchandise as SW has (Plinkett figure, Cadillac vehicle with crashing action, etc.) while the song “We’re in the money” played.
Is the pizza roll deal still available?
I want a pizza roll.
Please review Matrix Revolution! =D
I’ve seen these at least like 20 times, and I swear I still find something funny I didn’t notice the last time. Say what you will about the elementary humor (fucking cats), but these reviews are quality film making, really. I just thought of this because I’m a musician, and it’s like when all of the melodies come together to make a great song. The scenes he shows, the script itself, and its delivery all come together to make a great review of a bad movie, and that’s probably why it’s so popular.
I wouldn’t call the humour elementary. Like most intelligent comedians working with a script, Mike will mix intentionally good jokes with intentionally bad jokes, but will pause and linger on the stupid, bad jokes, because he’s being ironic, while he moves quickly on from the smarter jokes that are being told straight up, so you have to catch them.
That is the best way to play it imho – where the style of each joke matches the content. That’s also why you can keep noticing new things.
I was just about to mention that at the end of Part Two when you see the city scape, a vehicle flies by that’s actually a flying Donate button. It’s barely even there, you may not have even noticed it.
But your brain did @.@
Yeah, they’re way better than the movies!
George Lucas said he wanted to draw on how historical figures manipulated their way to the top, like how Hitler gained power by managing to convince Germany to vote him into dictatorship. By doing this, the audience has no emotional connection to the Old Republic. Instead: draw on America vs. Nazis in WWII
So it goes: Senator Palpatine is secretly affiliated with a sadistic, slave-trading, anti-democracy star system that is already at war with a with the noble Republic. After raising an army of clones in that star system, Palpatine eventually comes out and declares war on the Republic and by the Episode III he wins. All the while, Anakin has been a star pilot everyone loves, and a good friend to Obi-Wan from the beginning, and Obi-Wan is already training him. Secretly, Anakin begins to experiment with the Dark Side, all the while hiding behind the veneer of being a charismatic guy everyone loves. As the plot unfolds, he ends up joining Palpatine.
Very simple plot! No need for confusing, boring political intrigue! Anakin is likable so we care!
“Begun the Clone Wars has” – Yoda
I keep thinking of more things I hate about the prequels. This always bothered me. Did they nickname the war before it happened? Why didn’t he call it “The Robot Wars?” or just “The Civil War?” or why not just say “We are now at war”? Did Yoda invent the term “The Clone Wars” as the perfect nickname, and just waited for the perfect time to spring it on everybody? To me, it’s once again George Lucas writing dialog TO the audience, based on common knowledge passed down from the first movie, so Lucas writes the dialog almost like an in-joke.
It’s because it was on the “This detail was mentioned in the New Hope, therefore it has to be in the sequels and it has to be spelled out so that people would get it.” list.
What really baffles me is not that, but that the clones turned out to be the “good” guys. I mean, when Obi Wan said that he fought with Anakin in the clone wars, and there were no apparent clones in the original trilogy, so I always figured they fought -against- the some clone army, defeated them and that’s why there were no clones mentioned anywhere after that point.
george wanted to make isaac asimov´s foundation for kids?
Damn you for using Quicktime Jackass
Not that I wanna sound like some drooling fanboy or anything, but Nadine has a fantastic rack
Bagpipes are actually awesome.
If Morgan Freeman had been Mace Windu, he might have been a real character instead of a cardboard cut out. More likely it would have been a repeat of the Ewon MacDonald fiasco though.
Most likely, given that a Mace Freeman character would clash with Yoda for the position of “wise mentor” figure. Unfortunately, it would not be in a Magneto/Xavier kind of way, but something far more blunt and cut-and-dried.
Just me, or was it almost tear inducing at the end, when they had the Yoda saying Jedi stuff intercut with the crappy prequel CGI action? Made me feel the pain again. Damn you Star Wars I thought I was over you!
That’s my favorite part of all the star wars reviews. Yoda just sharing the force philosophy with Luke and why its really powerful (not because you can fight with it!) intercut with all the prequel crap.
I wasn’t crying, but rather laughing my ass off at how cleverly spliced together everything there was. My god…Mr. Plinkett should’ve directed the prequels, and George Lucas should’ve directed me to the toilet.
Concur. The Plinkett voice goes silent during that section and he just lets Lucas hang himself with his own words.
I, too, must now change my pantaloons.
Also, it’s not too true that Morgan Freeman doesn’t appeal to younger people. He has already meme status as being the godly father figure. Perfect Jedi Master.
Well you have to take into consideration the time period. I don’t know why, but this current generation seems to get their time table screwed up and think everything just always existed since, forever. The whole Morgan Freeman meme status came way, way, after 1999, which was the release date for Episode I; with production/filming on the movie starting around ’97. Back then, Freeman was just another actor, and at the time Samuel L. Jackson was the “bigger draw” compared to Freeman. There was no Freeman meme. And although the term “meme” was coined in like the 70′s, in terms of internet pop culture, memes didn’t really take off until around the mid 2000′s. Sure, there were certain “popular” things here and there, but nothing compared to what it is today with things going viral in a matter of hours/days thanks to YouTube and social media sites, and staying popular for months or years. Back in the mid to late 90′s, the internet was arguably still in its infancy. There was no YouTube, no social media, no HBOGo, no Xbox Live, no Twitter, no DVD players, say nothing about Blu-Ray, we all used VCRs and big ass hand-held cameras that weighed about 10 pounds instead of pocket cameras, and although Netflix was founded in ’97 I don’t think a single person heard of the damn thing until the mid/late 2000′s. And a majority of people during these times didn’t have broadband, most people were still on dial-up, unless you lived in major cities that upgraded their infrastructure quickly. I know now, even in our current age of technology and constant live-access and “always connectedness” via WiFi and 3/4G, many places in the USA STILL don’t have broadband, and are stuck using dial up 56k modems and have no cellphone service in their areas.
Terms like MMOs didn’t exist, as “MMO” was coined by UO (Ultima Online) back then online games were just starting to come of age. None of these things we take for granted like we do today existed. Hardly anyone had a cell phone, and it was very rare to see someone with one, and if you did it was an old Nokia “Brick” or a car-phone. (To this day I STILL don’t own a cell, because I hate the stupid things). The internet was still a new thing, the technology boom was still on before the tech bubble burst, and people were still realizing just what the internet really was capable of providing and doing. YouTube and social media is what really started the whole meme fad. YouTube wasn’t founded until 2005, and before MySpace and Facebook were around there was very little “social media” type sites that got viral videos going. I remember one of the first viral videos I saw was the Numa Numa guy, and that was in like ’04, and that video spread mainly through old-school Ebaums.
So saying Morgan Freeman already has “Meme status” in 2013 when talking about a movie that was filmed in 1997, released in 1999, and probably cast around 1996, I refer back to my original point, this generation has a huge problem with taking the factor of time in consideration, and realizing everything we have didn’t just poof out of thin air and just always been around. And honestly, I’d gladly go back to the Mid to Late 90′s with our Pentium II processors, practically no one having these stupid fucking smartphones that I’d love to shove up people’s asses, and back to what I think most people that are over the age of 25 (or a tad older) will agree were better times. But all that’s gone now, and all we’ve got to look forward to now is shit like Jersey Shore, DramaBook, Smartphones glued to people’s heads, reality TV, (and I hate to get political in this last statement, but it’s the truth), the ever constant removal of our everyday freedoms. I remember days when I could walk up to monuments and other places like large dams and things of that sort and take pictures and enjoy the view, now everything’s gated off with armed guards and cameras for fear of “terrorists” or “National Security.” So as I said, I’d do anything to be able to say “Welcome to the 90′s dude” again, pay .99 cents for gas, and living the good life instead of putting up with the shit-world we have to deal with today.
I think you may have gone too far in a couple of places.
It was stylistically designed to be that way, but maybe I can diminish the effects of it.
Man, you’re the angry old dude and you’re not even 30. Try being 51 – I remember when $.40 gas was EXPENSIVE, when we got the cheaper $.37 gallon gas (or at least my dad did, by the time I drove it was after the first gas crisis). My wife has given me cell phones, I don’t use them. I love to be alone in my car and nobody can ****ing bother me. Why are people so afraid of being alone in their head? In a generation, we’ll be a hive mind.
Frankly what always bugged me about the romance. Is the idea that a 9 year old boy would have a hard on for years over a girl he met once. Also who would elect a 15 year old girl to run their Government.
The Naboo system of government makes absolutely no sense. Padme was the “Queen” which makes it a monarchy, right? Well in this POS she says that she had to step down after two terms. So then YOU AREN’T A FUC*ING QUEEN!
It didn’t make sense even in the other POS since a decoy quite literally had all of the same powers as the queen, apparently. I guess I just don’t get it.
There were apparently a few countries where a Queen was selected. It’s odd, but nothing new.
Yeah, it’s best not to think too hard about it. What, does this Queen have supreme executive powers? Is there a representative legislature of some sort? If not, does the Queen make all the laws? Can only post-pubescent teenage girls be Queen? Are there any Kings? Must they only be teenagers too? Are they only white? So many questions….
This is fkn funny and right on the money. Man of Steel needs the Plinkett treatment!
This is a pretty fantastic Man of Steel analysis if you’re looking for one: http://badassdigest.com/2013/07/03/film-crit-hulk-man-of-steel/
Did you write that? Are you just trying to plug your blog here? Why do you write in all caps? I’m not reading that.
I did not write that, no. I commented on it, but Film Crit Hulk wrote it. However, if you would like me to post my completely-unrelated-to-Star-Wars writings here for no reason, that could be arranged
Dear Lord, do you not know who the Film Crit Hulk is?? You’re seriously going to dismiss it entirely because it’s in all caps? Wow.
cheers man…read a few of hulks pieces…some clever shit
I want a Pizza Roll!
“I will even learn to stop people from dying” BZZZZZZZZ.
How did they recruit these kids when they were so young? If they need a mitochlorian test, do they test literally every kid ever? Shouldn’t Qui Gon Booze have checked those little kids who were taunting Anakin too? Maybe that planet is a mitochlorian gold mine. If they don’t individually test every kid, how the hell do they recruit anyone?
And how every parent be on board with the idea. Unless it’s like the law or something, which makes the Emperor not as bad as he should be for getting rid of the organization of child abductors.
Do one on Star Wars VII when it inevitably ruins Star Wars even more.
“Hey, we need more Star Wars movies. People want to see Darth Vader come back to life, right? Right!”
George Lucas isn’t involved into this movies, so there’s hope.
But Abrams is.
Settle down fanboy. First of all, not all of us hated new Star Trek, and secondly wouldn’t Abrams take on ST fit even better into SW?
Looks like you need to settle down. Stop making assumptions about what I do and don’t like, or begin your attack with name calling.
As long as Lucas stays out of the next SW and with a good writer (not Lindelof) then Abrams will do a fine job like in the first ST.
Fear not! I’ve heard reports that Lawrence Kasdan is coming back to help write the story, so there’s a really good sign.
They’ll get a biggerer guy in a robot suit.
Stop me if I’m wrong, but you know the two “that’s what SHE SAID” girls in this review? That is, during that split-screen shot, you know the one on the left; the one with the longer hair and the tongue piercing? Well, I get the feeling that I saw her in a couple of…”independent films” made back in 2009. Can anyone else corroborate this for me? BTW, I use the term “independent film” as a euphemism, in case that wasn’t obvious.
Correction: they say “that’s what HE SAID”.
Plinkett Porn… now there’s an idea with potential!
Or just crash the ship into the ground. It’s not like he couldn’t use the Force to grip a starfighter and move it where ever he wants it to go.
Stop saying Boba…. this is Jango Fett…. other than that you hit this spot on.
Jango is essentially a cookie cutter cut-out of Boba Fett thrown in there to try to make the movie cooler…..so yeah it’s more or less correct.
I think the preparation of these awesome videos took more time than the creation of the movie script
I used to like this movie as a kid…now I find out exactly how terrible it is. It’s almost like finding out Santa isn’t real.
Why would you tell me that Santa isn’t real?
Why was I designed to feel pain?
‘A plastic tube gets cut in half by a lightsabre.’
This is the last straw. They ripped off too many things from the old trilogy.
How do you make a Pizza Roll?
Training and positive reinforcement.
I love that you put in the star wars kid with the Jedi @13.11
Fuck you, Rick Berman!
“Are you sure? They’re really GOOD pizza rolls!”
Why the hell is there violence against women presented as humor here? Like, it’s the definition of unnecessary.
It is part of a trademark brand of dark humour. I can see why someone might object to it (regardless of gender), but there is no way anybody will come out thinking violence against women is laughable because of this review. It is not unnecessary, it just happens to be a part of what makes up the Mr. Plinkett character. Also, while the victims are women, there is nothing outwardly sexual that would make the portrayal of the violence actually sexist (which the guys and gals at RLM are as far from as you can get).
Christ, which one of you chucklefucks let Tumblr find out about the Plinkett reviews? You’ve gone and ruined it for everyone now ya jerk.
Are we though? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a stupid piece of shit all over and I groan at the scene after the massacre, but I always thought that we were supposed to see him as “conflicted” and not as a bad guy. Even hot pants Amidala doesn’t mind letting him force push her after that.
I think that if the Sand People were relate-able on some level (like gang members), we could not have to generalize them. Because they all look, sound, and act exactly the same, they just don’t come across as a people who have a hard life.
I think that if he murdered other slaves (like a slave driver), we could see how he could be conflicted, because slaves, while doing something horrible, are also forced into it. If Anakin could have sympathy for them, then he could be conflicted about it.
Here, he murders a bunch of evil cartoon characters, so how bad could he have been?
Another sad thing about the lightsaber is when you consider the Star Wars series after having seen Kurosawa Akira works, and how those movies influenced Lucas. One of Kurosawa’s works is Yojimbo, and basically, the main character was a prototypical example of a Jedi (being a master swordsman who can dispatch multiple enemies). The thing is, in that movie (and Sanjuro too, for that matter) he used his sword sparingly and had economy of movement while using it. He was quick and efficient, not flashy. As a result, fight scenes didn’t go on, which left more time for dialogue.
Probably the most shocking thing for me is the open contradiction of so many things from the original films. The sequence in the review showing Yoda’s head-shaking reactions to Lucas’ descriptions of the action in the prequels is hilariously funny. “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter”…. “Even Master Yoda doesn’t have a Midichlorian count that high”. 100% contradiction. It’s like the person in charge of everything did not have even the flimsiest grasp of what made the original films special and magical, and proceeded to get every single thing wrong.
I want a pizzaroll. Incredible, excellent final part, especially the Yoda part.
I wouldn’t mind a slightly less wise Yoda in this movie, one who relies on violence and a lightsaber more. His words in the original trilogy could very well come from someone who was once a fighter, but has grown older and wiser and now knows better. He’s already old by the prequels, but that doesn’t mean he can’t become wiser. Between Attack of the Clones and Empire Strikes Back he’s had a student become evil, lost almost all of his friends and coworkers, and sat alone in a swamp for who knows how many years. Him having learned from that experience and become even more wise makes a lot of sense.
But that would only be satisfying IF they had bothered showing his transformation, or at least the beginning of one. That would be some interesting character development, something the prequels completely failed at. Instead it just makes him seem inconsistent, and hypocritical.
Well I wouldn’t object to a violent Yoda, one that transforms into the wise Yoda we know (assuming they show the transformation like you said) but in that case I would’ve liked him to use the force in an offensive way, but he really shouldn’t be using a lightsaber.
i really want the music used in this review xD
At least we had the wise words of Anakin Skywalker. “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.”
What is this “effort” you speak of?
I’ve always thought Jedis were fags.
Agreed. /Oblg. voice=”ComicBookGuy” Biggest. Disappoint. Ever.
Prometheus was (is?) almost as equally as non-logical. i.e. “Everything Wrong With Prometheus In 4 Minutes Or Less”
damn clones movie was on tv again and i had to rewatch this review. someone owes me a pizza roll.
This is from Wookiepedia, the official Star Wars wikipedia:
“Initial reviews of the film were mixed, with criticism of the more traditional cinematic elements such as character development and dialogue, particularly with respect to the relationship between Padmé and Anakin. The dialogue was noted to be “leaden” and “flat” by critics. The acting was also disparaged by some critics for these same characteristics.”
EVEN THEY KNOW!
AS confused Matthew pointed out,in order to make his stupid plots work,Lucas has to make his characters stupid and this idiotic dialogue is a sign that he’s not really thinking about what hes writing.
Why the hell did boba fett have to be the clone of jango anyway? it just felt random.
I give you this one, topical.
Yoda says “seeing you alive brings warm feelings…” he doesn’t say it backwards like he normally does.
That´s how he talks when he gets drunk.
Little photo comic of my least favorite scene, inspired by the Plinkett reviews!
That last panel is absolutely fucking hilarious.
When a more-than-one-hour long video criticism of your movie is more entertaining than your movie, you know you’re in trouble.
The only real debate about the prequels is: Which one was the worst?
I have to go with Episode II. The clumsily shoehorned, schmaltzy, loveless love story, between chronic whiner Anakin and boring career-obsessed Padme, was possibly the most painful viewing experience in cinematic history. It makes Jar Jar stepping in the poop seem like something out of Citizen Kane.
I’d have to be strapped down Clockwork Orange style to sit through that shit again.
Schmaltzy implies that the romance was actually felt by the audience for being over the top. It’s not even that.
Yea, but you can’t really kill Watto. Although he is an ugly slave owner he’s meant to be like an ugly slave owner in like a cute comedic relief muppet sort of way. The audience might actually FEEL something from having him die. Better to have him murder nameless and literally FACELESS sand people. This way we can convey that he lost control and took out his rage on women and children, but in a sort of emotionally muted way that the audience (and Padme) can quickly detach from and forgive him for.
*Disclaimer: Typically, someone will miss that I’m being totally facetious. Please be aware what “WHOOSH” means prior to responding.
Oh I wasn’t expecting _you_ to not get it, but there is always someone out there that won’t. The WHOOSH in my disclaimer was referring to when someone replies to a sarcastic post as if the poster was being serious. Someone then makes a subsequent reply saying “WHOOSH” to note that the joke went sailing right over the repliers head. In retrospect I probably shouldn’t make that disclaimer. The way that plays out is typically pretty comical
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