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Heres how I’d like the prequals to go
A young Anakin is accepted as a Jedi. The council gives him his first mission of investigating a distress signal from Naboo. Anakin travels to Naboo and on the way he is attacked by a mysterious ship. Anakin narrowly escapes the pursuing vessal and lands.
He lands only to find the city completely taken over by droids armored very well and armed to the circuits(OHLOL) Anakin is taken prisoner and loses his lightsaber they toss him aside in to a cell. Anakin uses the force, his focus to the force is still very very bad and he barely manages to open the door to his cell by picking the lock with the force.(He manipulates the lock with the force) He immediately encounters the droids. Anakin runs down a coridor narrowly escaping the fire from them and gazes upon a large construction proect, the project is apparently creating a large droid capable of traveling at light speed and unleashing massive destruction.
Anakin runs through fire from the droids and finds his lightsaber along with many other prisoners. Using the combined effort of the prisoners he manages to over power the droids in the facility and destroy the project.
Anakin encounters the queen and she explains that large armies of droids overpowered there defenses and landed in the city and began killing and enslaving everyone led by a strange man.
Anakin looks outside and sees the same vessel that chased him landing on a building with battle droids emerging from the building. The prisoners than release other prisoners and the newly established small army of Naboo battles off the droids but soon a strange being emerges from the vessel. (Its darth maul) Darth Maul and Anakin engage in assault with Anakin barely keeping up, Darth Maul than uses the power of the dark side to momentarrily confuse Anakin and the fight stops.
Darth Maul describes the Dark side of the force but Anakin resists and manages to kill Darth Maul. But Anakin is forever changed by his expierance with the dark side…
Jedi land in the city and begin to kill off the last of the droids and the episode ends…
Sounds fricking awesome wish you wrote it!
dude wow thanks for the enlightenment. Lucas really did f–up job
Much simpler and better.
while i agree that this is better than the acutal plot for episode one i’d personally stay away from everything that was in the prequels/games. it needed a total re-write of all of its charachters save for anakin obi-wan and yoda.
the sith are supposed to be the opposite of the jedi so they would move behind the scenes and manipulate others into doing their bidding. darth maul just shows up and swings his light saber around.
i would think something more like manipulating the mandalorians into fighting the republic (fuck! thats a game plot device!) would have worked a lot better. they seem less impotent than a bunch of droids. if fette was really the last of the mandalorians (do any of the movies actually say this?) i’d rather see the cause of that than a bunch of droids being mowed down. fuck the clones too.
allowing the jedi to behave like people would be good too. let them marry and have families. this would make the jedi more relatable and would give them something to potentially lose in a galactic war.
anakin could even start his downward spiral to the dark-side commiting several atrocities in the war after the capture of his wife or something.
he shouldn’t start off a child, maybe a war-vet who fought along side obi-wan in an earlier war and obi-wan sensed in him the potential of the force or some shit like that. there are just so many other better possibilities…
the one in the prequels isnt boba fett its jango ,bobas father, when he is behaded in episode 2 boba takes over and appears in the original trilodgy
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hilarious… in part 2 on 27:33… there is a subconcious message to DONATE… crazy
Woah, how did you spot that? xDD
You may not have noticed it… but your brain did.
More Reviews mr plinkett !!!!!!
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I must say that I really enjoyed watching your reviews. Salute.
BTW if you need help making your basement ‘problem’ disappear, let me know. ; )
The guy knows what makes a good and a bad movie, but I’m not going to watch his reviews anymore because, as good as they are, they aren’t worth seeing “funny” scenes about torturing women.
I know right, those scenes with Natalie Portman were a crime against humanity.
A White Knight complaining abour the Plinkett Reviews?
Loosen up man.
You mean Arabs?
I agree with “just some guy”. I love these reviews (they are incredibly insightful), but the “asides” just kind of jolt me out of the review and make me a little uncomfortable. It also makes it a lot harder to recommend this to friends that I’m not really close to.
“Why would someone who can diguise themselves by changing their face, need a disguise?” 26:13, pretty much sums up the whole illogical plot of the prequels.
The second point is why even make a character a shapeshifter if they don’t ever shapeshift and then die
dont slag off Star wars Mr plunkett , we all know you get a hard on for the whole saga
“And they broke new ground by having the first homosexual in Star Wars” hahahahaha
Pause part 2 on the diagram of the female reproductive system and read the labels.
Where did Plinkett get the awesome background music?
I used to have good copies of the prequels along side my original trilogy DVD’s, but after not watching them even once in 6 years I finally deleted them altogether. I also have to say that the prequels destroyed the Star Wars universe so badly that I can’t even get any joy out of watching the originals anymore, not to mention the fact that George added horrible cartoons to almost every scene.. ruining them too.
I am more interesting in the kidnapped hooker sub-plot than I am these terrible movies.
exactly his point
Exactly, he points out the shit in a shitty movie. Kind of hard to point out good things about a bad movie, no?
Quit trolling. Thanks.
Darth Maul was never a Sith Lord, just an apprentice. Besides, I don’t see what so many people see in Maul. Sure, he looks kind of cool and acts badass, but he has like 3 lines in the movie, shows nearly no personality, and is more or less unimportant to the plot (except killing Qui Gon).
You’re Absolutely right about Maul. I guess because he wasn’t developed people use him as the blank slate for a better villain that they imagine themselves.
Im sorry but “the ease of digital film making”… are you implying that the CGI in the star wars prequels is in any way easy to do?.. you have no fucking idea how hard it is.
Hes making a comparison, digital vs filmed on location…. filmed on location is way harder to film because you can’t control every aspect of whats happening unlike CGI….. gosh a 12 year old could figure that out you retard.
who the fuck cares, who hard it is? but you know, it’s hard for the animators, not for fucking lazy ass george. he just orders some backgrounds and get them.
must’ve watched this five times or more and only just noticed who’s in the background in part one: 13:11
Just found this! Really interesting review. I must tell you that you’re wrong on one account though. Samuel L. Jackson actually came to Lucas and begged him to be in it because he’s such a big fan, hence the small part in ep. 1.
Can anyone tell me which are the Samuel Jackson movies used as clips in the review?
That’s not true on all fronts. Yes, it obviously is prevalent here, but CGI has finally started getting to the point where emotions can be conveyed. A good example is Caeser from Rise of the Planet of the Apes. That was a combined effort of a CGI team and Andy Serkis, and it succeeded in showing exactly what the monkey is feeling and thinking in each scene.
I love that movie.
That was a particularly good example. It worked in that movie. Another one would be the wonderful scene between Bilbo and Gollum under the mountain in The Hobbit. Still, I have to say; at leasy 85% of the time if any character is being done in CGI, you can pretty much just assume that they will come across with the humanity of a kitchen appliance, and you would be right. This is true with new movies as well. I think as the technology has improved, a lot of directors have just become more lazy. They won’t put in even a tenth of the work that Spielberg did in Jurassic Park to get the CGI right, even though the technology has improved considerably. I’d say as a rule of thumb, you will probably have about twice as tough a time conveying emotion through a CGI vehicle as any other kind, even today.
I wanted to see Yoda fight. But when I pictured Yoda fighting, I imagined that he would have just sat down on the floor, folded his hands and closed his eyes. He would sit totally motionless and use the Force to deflect each and every attack. He could still have a light saber, but instead of being the little jumping-bean, bouncing off everything, he would have remained in his meditative state and he wouldn’t have even touched the light saber. It would have floated around, again, being controlled by the Force.
I hope Lucas and the team watch this, then they rip their eyes out to try and hide their shame.
I was HIGHLY offended by the subplot. It made me feel uncomfortable and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I jagged off.
Well when shit is all there is, there isn’t really much else to point out; is there?
These reviews are really the best I’ve ever seen. You remind me of one of those Jerky Boys.
of course he knows. you idiot!!!
I will guess next review will be… BAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT MAN, mostly because of the island and it’s repeated missing the point of the clonus horror, missing the question of whether or not it was right to clone and kill to save someone’s life, but instead the cloners are cartoonish bad guys, Sean Bean wants to be a “GOD” and Tom Lincoln is dying because its his fault “lots and lots of sex man” and is ready to kill the poor, stupid innocent clone because he wants to live and everyone else can die. The plot holes are enormous, (really, you let the clone drive the car even when you were going to betray him, Tom?) the camera never stays the fuck still, the irritating action is repetitive and never fucking ends, and HI what was with the black guy? He was a bad guy, arranged an attack on police when they had the clones in custody, probably killing them, showed no remorse when Steve Buscemi died, THEN HE FREES THE CLONES, HELPS SCARLET JOHANNSON TO FREE THE CLONES AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Did the cops who picked up the clones deserve to die? I mean, when he thought Tom Lincoln was the clone, he shot him in cold blood. THIS CHARACTER MAKES NO SENSE
We we Padme! HAHAHAHA! That was epic man!
What about, well, pretty much everything Pixar has brought out in the last 17 years (starting with Toy Story obviously).
Let’s shoot an unofficial one !
Don’t feel sorry for them…I envy them being so easily entertained.
How do I into calendars
That’s why these reviews are made for entertainment and satire.
It’s also because, for all intents and purposes, Jango Fett’s character is a duplicate of Boba Fett. This is to support the fans who love Boba Fett from the original trilogy. There’s absolutely no reason for any Fetts to be involved in the prequels, save for fan-boys.
Can I have a pizza roll. Seriously will you send me a pizza roll.
I think the issue with these prequels is less Plinkett’s claim that the film has no main character, and more that Anakin’s role as the main character is undermined by the lack of any real foil.
In the originals, Luke was played against Han as the innocent farmboy vs. the cynical scoundrel, against Yoda as the eager hothead against the wizened sage, and ultimately against Vader, because Luke’s journey brings him on a parallel course as his father, up until he realizes what his anger is doing to him.
In the prequels, Anakin has no direct foil; he is a child in the first film, separated from Obi-Wan for the bulk of the second film, and turns into Vader in the third film. I believe I once heard George float the idea that the progression of Sith foreshadowed aspects of Vader’s character – the brutal fighter, the dominant ruler, the robotic creature – but really, all that means is that Anakin’s only foil is himself: Vader.
The progression of Anakin’s character is defined by who he will eventually turn into, but a). that is a downward spiral, not an arc that infuses noble traits like the audience usually sees, and b). the original Vader does not appear until the final montage of establishing shots at the end, so the comparison never takes place on screen, and assumes the viewer has the older movies in mind when viewing. Also, of the three, the only one Anakin faces directly is Dooku; he is too young to fight Maul and only has one glancing encounter with Grievous.
Having said that, if one has to write a thesis on why Anakin is the main character of the series, then clearly the movies failed to establish that for the viewer. My primary enjoyment of these films comes from watching it as though Palpatine were the main character. Seeing him manipulate everything and everybody to achieve political power, military power, and to turn the Jedi’s greatest weapon against them, he has a much clearer progression towards his stated goals. But since he’s a B character and most of his scenes is boring political schlock, it’s hardly a replacement for the mostly-ignored Clone Wars taking place at this time.
Nothing like seeing The Last Starfighter compared to this movie. Favorably.
fuck yeah. 100% on how this lacks all emotion. thanks, man
videogame graphics? do these movies have a difficulty level? i musta been playing them on very easy cause i was SO bored with them.
video games can display a LOT more emotion then these ~!CGI!~ graphics did. but they are not video game graphics.
so true…In “half in the bag” the resident evil movies are called bad movies and one of the (many) reasons should be that there where video-game adaptations. The movies are bad but that is nonsense.
The movie even didn’t try to be an adaptation. Its just scene after scene with senseless action. And Mila Jovovich cow look. In bad quality. It reminds more off the slash and hack zombie D movies from the 70s and early 80s than an adaptation of an high quality product like Resident Evil is…..WAS….the franchise isn’t so good anymore but is still better than Paul W Andersons atempts to become the next George Romero and give his wife something to do.
And so I could go on and go on. Even Silent Hill lacks logic. “We had to make small adjustment so that the audience will understand….” Thats BS!!! Making Allessa the Demon that brings revenge is BS!
I don’t get it. Seems like japanese video games are understandable for kids between 6 and 16…but to high for THE AUDIENCE of a cinema….and movie makers.
does anyone know what the song is at the end?
I noticed that the picture of the scale between Yoda and a 19-foot tall Gorgan, at 4:33, in that pic Yoda is flipping off the Gorgan.
What is the Sci Fi movie referenced in part one? looks good.
“The last starfighter”
it’s funny that a b league sci-fi movie like the last star fighter seems better then episode 2
I need to go buy some bleach.
what’s that movie he kept showing clips of in the first part?
god damn. every time he shows a clip of lucas, the way he talks, he sounds like a moron trying to sound smart. it’s saddening
The prop at 9:00 used in both ST:TNG and the last Starfighter, looks very similar to something in Alien Nation (1988). James Caan and his partner break into some kind of lab with the same device about an hour into the movie. I feel better now.
A 30 second Disney World advertisement playing right before the massive review that skewers the Star Wars franchise.
I want to know what Anakin says in part 2 when it’s censored. I imagine its something like “Oui, oui Padme, can I take you out the the shitter and give you a rim job, then shove a baggete up your cunt, eh?”
5:20 Han and Luke do NOT grow and change like real people.
Real people don’t grow and change. That’s why it’s called “fiction” – it’s not real. It’s escapism.
uhhh speak for yourself static boy
6:50 “A large, corrupt, impotent United Nations in space.”
You could have just said “A United Nations in space” and the meaning would be the exact same.
The lightsaber part well back them(star wars IV, V and VI) There was only 2 jedi with them and one of them died in the first movie but in the prequels there are 50000000000 jedis, but still i agree with you
So maybe it’s a good thing he sold it to Disney. At least a fan can be in charge of the creative process instead of a self-absorbed douche.
Except the hired JJ Abrams.
And JJ Abrams is a fan of Star Wars. He’s actually stated he likes Star Wars over Star Trek. Just sayin’.
my problem is this review really, i mean, there are a lot of amazing points that this guy makes, but the whole fucking series of reviews are ruined by all the crappy abduction, torture scenes.. why cant it just be a good review pointing out all the problems??
I like the frame narrative of the kidnapping — it adds another layer of commentary on the movie. As ridiculous as the Plinkett/Nadine relationship is, it actually presents a more interesting and plausible romance than what Lucas was able to come up with.
Because it’s satire…
If you like these review you will really like this YouTube video;
I know hot to turn that off.
A plastic tube gets cut in half by a lightsabre.
Woman with nice tits touches arm, asks if single.
“UHH LETS GET BACK TO THE MOVIE”
Good going, Plinkett.
Mike should fuck nadine
Hey! These are real people you’re talking about. Wait for the inevitable Mike and Nadine nostalgia action figures… then you can do whatever you want. With $30K setup and $3 per unit molding costs, you’ll have to wait until a couple thousand people want them, cash in hand. What about 3D printing? A 6-inch Shapeways action figure runs about $300 bucks, last I checked. You can go smaller, of course, or add a Shapeways Stoklasa action figure head to an existing GI Joe action figure body. In that event, we might be approaching something like a $30-$50 retail price in the next couple of years. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait for the existing market (around 100 buyers) to grow about 20 times bigger. At present rate of growth, that’s a 5 year minimum. I’m betting the 3D printing option will come down into consumer price ranges MUCH faster, especially if they team up with semi-famous YouTube cos-players like Jessica Nigri and Yaya Han who (might) want their own limited-run action figures to auction off, too. Then it’s worth somebody’s time to make it happen, so your action figure fantasies can all come true. Cheaper alternative… kegger.
Is the pizza roll deal still available?
I want a pizza roll.
Please review Matrix Revolution! =D
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