Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace

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  • Mihalceanu Calin

    I’m writing my BA paper on Star Wars….this stuff helps! thanks for makin these vids!

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  • BigDhardy

    Speaking of “lifeless” the reviews here are excellent.
    a good thing to do in life “active” is punching the face of idiots using cosplay starwars.
    ‘ve done this several times with my brothers! i recomend!

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  • Guest

    I have viewed your review, i muat say i don’t agree with your synopsis of the video. i agree that the ‘Phantom Menace’ has its faults and flaws but its obvious that you grew up with the original three movies and have a closed opinion on the newer ones as most star wars fanboys have

    • DarkCyberElf

       I was born in the 90′s, and was about 8 or 9 years old when I first saw this film, and I’m going to be honest, I didn’t know what the hell was going on, and I certainly don’t know now. It is the most confusing and pointless of the Star Wars films. Is it entertaining? Yes, at time. But mostly it’s just complete shit compared to the simplicity, originality, and development the original trilogy had. Everything this guy said was completely valid, regardless of which films you prefer. I personally like this film, but for illogical reasons. This movie is bad. This is the worst Star Wars movie. Those are facts he has just proven.

    • cablecar830

      I agree with your point that he seems like he loved the originals too much, but a lot of it was pretty pointless, but overall, I love all of the films, it’s more than a story, it’s a legend and everyone that picks on it in WAY TOO MUCH DETAIL, isn’t aware that George Lucas made it the way he wanted to, and now he’d got billions lol so, good point bro or sis haha

    • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.allen.735 Patrick Allen

      You better get out before Plinkett explains to you “how much of a fucking idiot you are.” He gets pretty murderous when he explains things.

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  • okorugaijin

    The security chief says their security volunteers (which makes them sound like mall cops or concert bouncers—these are the people in charge of protecting the Queen and the rest of the planet?) would be no match against…”a battle-hardened Federation army”?

    What? When the big final battle takes place, they’re almost entirely fighting regiments of DROIDS. The term “battle-hardened” refers to someone who has been through numerous wars and conflicts and has had their sensitivities, resilience, and training steeled over as a result. Usually this person is pretty valuable in a fight. “Battle-hardened” would be appropriate if you were referring to like, a human, or some other type of carbon-based life form that could experience things like fear, pain, or emotion. But these are FUCKING ROBOTS. The most “life-like” thing they do is say “Roger, roger” back to the giant computer that probably controls them. They’re not the fucking Uruk-hai.

    Besides, from the way the Jedi cut these things in half by the dozen, I’d say they’re pretty expendable…not valuable. They’re like cheap plastic toys that all look the same (cue “We’re in the money” music). As soon as one gets demolished it just gets replaced by another on that looks exactly the same and has the same orders. They don’t need to be “battle-hardened” from numerous conflicts.

    • Michael

      Technically the Uruk-Hai were made right before Helms deep… meaning they weren’t battle-hardened either…

      At least, that’s my recollection…

      • http://www.facebook.com/jackson.campbell.14224 Jackson Campbell

        the Uruk-Hai were active in the events of the first book where they attack the fellowship and kill Boromir. They also spent a good deal of time fighting small bands of Rohirim and raiding settlements. So they were not wholly untested, but neither had they faced determined resistance (with out most of them being killed)

      • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.allen.735 Patrick Allen

        Same as what Jackson C said, but also the Uruk-hai were at least competently “programmed” so to speak. I don’t even know how the Trade Federation is profitable, considering how many resources they must go through to churn out so many cheap, crap fighting droids.

        • zero_miles_per_hour

          I think there might have been an earlier draft where it’s explained that the Trade Federation is an alliance of the most wealthy planets, and the Sith are manipulating them through their greed to destroy the Republic from within, and Padme is a threat because she’s trying to make a counter-alliance. This would explain their name, their robot armies, and their desire to kill Padme.

          • http://twitter.com/ScourgeOfAges Stephen Bernal

            That… probably would have been useful to mention in the movie.

          • Gborr

            Late answer, but relevant: The Trade Federation IS an alliance of the most wealth corporations and planets, the Sith ARE manipulating them (read: Sidious) through their greed to destroy the Republic from within and they want Padme dead because Nute Gunray (the head honcho of the TF) feels offended by her gall to capture him in the first movie. It also explains their name (they are an alliance of the biggest manufacturers, traders and bankers of the galaxy), their droid armies (since they have the backing of several huge manufacturing firms) and their desire to kill Padme in particular.

            It’s just that the movies have a narrative that suffers from ADD and refuses to explain anything, instead opting to throw digital shit at the audience and hopes that they forget about the horribly storytelling.

      • Chuck Groin Punch

        The Uruk_Hai’s uncanny fighting ability can at least be explained away through magic, because Tolkien was never stupid enough to make it work via microbes.

    • I_the_R

      Maybe they are saying that the steel that the droids are made out of has been hardened to optimal battle specs thus making them “battle-hardened”.

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  • Nathanielpera

    My blip just glitched in the best way possible. When R2D2 stuck “a thing in a thing” the video glithched out and skipped around wildly. R2, you dolt, you broke the video!

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  • xsplat

    Incredible quality of analysis and production in this video, but why I like it is that it’s fucking funny.

    How long do these take to produce? Do you have a big staff to help gather the material and edit it?

  • Cameron

    The guy who does these reviews is the biggest idiot in the history of the universe!!!

  • Cameron

    Anyone who agrees with this guy is an even bigger idiot!!!

    • John Johnson

      A bigger idiot than you? What a conundrum.

  • Cameron

    Anyone who agrees with this guy is an even bigger idiot!!! If he badmouths Star Wars: The Clone Wars, he’s dead, double time, no wait, make that quadrople time!

  • http://twitter.com/fpradal1 Fabrice Pradal

    Why calling “the French Revolution” the invasion of France by the nazis during World War 2? I sincerely don’t get it :S

    • Angry White Man

      Just like how Russia siting nuclear warheads on Cuba was the story of World War One? The joke is he’s deliberately getting the names of historical events wrong, you fucking idiot.

      • http://twitter.com/fpradal1 Fabrice Pradal

        It’s funny

        • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.allen.735 Patrick Allen

          Nobody’s saying there wasn’t a blockade in World War 1, it’s just that the joke was self-evidently about confusing historical event to someone who took even the smallest second to ponder it.

          The point is just, so you’re still a fucking idiot for not thinking things through before you committed yourself to a full-on comment on the Internet.

        • Robert Eckert

          There was also a change of government in France during WW2.

  • John Johnson

    IMHO
    1. When you have a story that can’t really hold up to a complicated scrutiny of plot details like SW (as opposed to Star Trek which can work as a nerd niche), you really have to focus on universal elements of storytelling and visuals, you can’t just have a bunch of mindless logistical dialogue that creates all these new rules. That’s why this is ‘Fantasy in space’ as opposed to sci-fi; it’s supposed to be fucking universal and accessible!!!

    2. Anakin should have been the Luke of the prequels, starting ep1 the same age as Luke in epIV. Lucas could have just aped the sequels and no one would have faulted him. No one wanted Godfather here, just SW. Making the character of Anakin switch actors 33% of the way through the trilogy is absolutely mind boggling; obviously the reasoning was,” Now it gots a little kid!” The closest I can get to identifying a protagonist in this mess is
    ep1: Obiwan, Qui-gon, and Anakin are ALL the protagonist.
    ep2: Obiwan and Anakin are both the protagonist.
    ep3: Anakin is the Protagonist

    3. Anakin and Obiwan’s friendship doesn’t make very much sense due to their age difference of… I’ll say at least 10 years. Actually the way these movies work it’s almost as if Anakin catches up in age to Obiwan.

    This movie is 13 years old and I still can’t forget how much of a clusterfuck it was.

  • Tom

    Am I the only one slightly put off by the fact that Padme seems about three times Annakin’s age in the first movie, yet by the third Anakin seems slightly older?

    • http://www.facebook.com/kevi.donald Kevi Donald

      Yeah that is fucked up. I think she’s supposed to be like seven, eight, or nine years older. I always thought she was a bit of a cougar. But what you pointed out makes no sense.

      • Nathan David Haslett

        in 1 she is 14 and he is 10. in 2 she is 24 and he is 20. for her age is exact for him it is rough because he was like 9/10 in the first. Age difference is 5 years but ya still a bigger one than it seemed in 2.

  • Bananna Hammock

    Apparently you missed the big *IF* right before that statement.

  • GranDam

    The prequels are such a colossal failure because they lack the most basic elements that make a movie worth watching. It lacks characters and a coherent story. It’s as if they took all the old star wars staples and ELECTROFIED them. They didn’t bother with a story or characters. It’s totally obvious.

    I’m not a writer and I could have made a better story. Here’s something just off the top of my head. It wouldn’t be that hard to do and it ties up the story nicely to coincide with the start of A New Hope.

    Obiwan is a younger, more hotheaded Jedi than in the original trilogy. He finds Anakin and wants to train him because he senses his potential with the Force. When he asks the permission of the Jedi council they deny him the opportunity, so he trains him in secret. Yoda finds out that Obiwan is secretly training Anakin and has Anakin brought into the Jedi order so Obiwan doesn’t get into trouble.

    Anakin advances through his training quickly. He becomes more and more powerful, but he’s reckless and prone to giving in to his emotions. The council is wary of this and slows his training and ascent through the ranks. Anakin starts to become impatient with the council always doubting him. He believes they’re jealous and scared of his true potential. Palpatine talks to Anakin, tells him that there is another group that uses the Force that would allow him to advance much quicker and to attain even greater power with the Force.

    Anakin slowly turns to the dark side becoming more and more distant to the Jedi order. Obiwan realizes this and eventually finds out that Anakin is consorting with a Sith lord. He eventually confronts Anakin and duels him in an effort to stop him. Obiwan wins the duel but can’t bring himself to kill Anakin. Instead he leaves him severely maimed, hoping that this will stop his quest for power. This is where Anakin becomes Darth Vader. Filled with hatred for the Jedi, particularly his old friend Obiwan, he works with Palpatine to eliminate the Jedi council (as they’re the only group that has any real power to oppose him).

    All the Jedi are hunted down and eliminated, only a few manage to escape. Obiwan takes baby Luke and heads off to Tatooine, leaving baby Leia to the Organas on Alderaan. He does this out of fear that Darth Vader’s children would be equally as powerful with the Force and that they’d be corrupted to the dark side. He goes into hiding on Tatooine so he can watch Luke while avoiding being killed in the ensuing hunt for the remaining Jedi. He also hides out of shame for having brought the end of the Jedi order, which had existed for thousands of generations. Yoda flees to Dagobah because he fears the Jedi order is destroyed and there is nothing else he can do to change that.

    Fill that basic outline with scenes depicting Obiwan and Anakin going through adventures and you’d have a much better trilogy.

    • Guest

      Your alternative is generic and highly cliche, but coherent and understandable. At its core, Lucas’ script for Episodes I, II, and III is very much the same. It’s generic and not particularly clever, but it’s coherent. Think about it; if I simplified the story to its most basic elements, we’d get something that sounds as palatable as your own proposal.

      Obi Wan is a young, somewhat impulsive Jedi being mentored by Li’emni Sohn, a powerful Jedi master. While traveling a barren desert world they stumble across a young boy named Anakin whose innate potential with the force is so great that it astonishes both of them. Obi-Wan senses that he is destined for great things and covets the chance to be the one who trains him, allowing his desire to do so to cloud his normally sound judgment.

      The young Anakin grows in power but as he enters his tumultuous adolescence he chafes under what he feels is the oppression of the Jedi order. At the core of his rebellion is a disagreement; the Jedi Order demands that its adherents master and suppress their emotion, because failure to do so has led Jedi in the past to wield their power to do horrible things in pursuit of their passions. Anakin does not understand this and wouldn’t agree with it even if he did. All he sees is that the order is trying to keep him from the woman he loves passionately. He carries on his quiet rebellion out of the sights of the Jedi order. Some of the higher-ups know, but keep their eyes half-shut, because on some level they feel the code is too strict, as well.

      Anakin grows in power and begins to perceive new subtleties in the force. One day, tapping deeply into it, he has a vision that terrifies him, of his beautiful wife dying. He refuses to accept that this is true. He fights to try to find a way around it. Everything he knows about the force suggests that what he’s seen is unavoidable. Finally, he’s faced with a choice; accept that his wife has to die, or throw away every shred of the things he’s been taught in a desperate bid that on the other side of the force, the side he’s been taught is evil, there may be an answer for him. Meanwhile, on the other side, a very powerful and intelligent evil sees this and senses an opportunity to turn one of the most powerful Jedi ever produced into his loyal servant. All he has to do is lie and tell the young man that on the dark side, there really IS a way to save his wife. And so Anikin allows himself to be corrupted, and by the time he realizes what is happening, he’s too late to change what he’s become, or the horrible things he has done. He wakes to find he’s a slave to a new master.

      Fill that basic outline with scenes depicting Obiwan and Anakin going through adventures and you’d have a pretty decent trilogy… or, well, you might. The problem is not the basic plot idea that Lucas used. The problem is how he fleshed it out. He took the simple, central narrative of the first three episodes, which could have been brilliant in the hands of somebody who cared about things like logic and coherency, and buried it under several layers of shit, neglect, and bad acting. He made no apparent effort to screen it for internal contradictions, apparently never asked himself if the characters were believable, and didn’t bother to go out of his way to bring a great performance out of the actors. And he did this because he is, at hart, an effects man. He loves graphics. He wanted to build a wonderful and complex world, and to use computer graphics to create a visual cinematic experience that was like nothing seen before. And he did that, and brilliantly. But in his rush to do that, he thought he could get away with neglecting the other half of the movie–the story that ties it all together. And that’s where he fell apart, and why I hate the first trilogy so much. Anakin’s desperate battle against fate isn’t the problem. It’s that Lucas makes him act so insipid and stupid that the audience feels he turned to the dark side because he was a whiny man-bitch, and not because he was a desperate and brilliant Jedi who was, at heart, just a boy trying to save the girl he loved. Lucas didn’t treat a single plot idea he had with the respect it deserved. And he (and the rest of us) paid for it.

      • deerstop

        The whole “quite rebellion” is not exactly a very good idea, because being different is permitted to some point. It’s never said in the movies, but as I vaguely remember from the books Qui Gon Jinn was a bit of rebel himself and often disagreed with Jedi council. In fact that’s why he wore a long hair (which supposedly is prohibited by the Jedi code or something).

        • Nathan David Haslett

          The movie has Obi-Wan straight up say to Qui Gon something like you’d be a master by now if you ever actually listened to them. So movie does state it.

    • James H.

      I like your alternative. It’s a bit generic, (and I don’t mean that in a rude way), and predicated on the idea that Anakin was kind of rotten to begin with, but it’s coherent and I think that you’re absolutely right that it would have made a good framework for the first three episodes, if it was treated properly. I get the feeling that Lucas wanted to play up the tragic hero angle, and that’s why he went the direction he did.

      But I do disagree with you about one strong point. I don’t think that the problem with Star Wars I, II, and III is the central narrative. At its core, Lucas’ script for Episodes I, II, and III is very much the same as your own. It’s coherent and understandable and could serve as the basis for a great film, but only if treated properly. Think about it; if I simplified the story to its most basic elements, we’d get something that sounds as palatable as your own proposal. Something like this:

      “Obi Wan is a young, somewhat impulsive Jedi being mentored by Li’emni Sohn, a powerful Jedi master. While traveling a barren desert world they stumble across a young boy named Anakin whose innate potential with the force is so great that it astonishes both of them. Obi-Wan senses that he is destined for great things and covets the chance to be the one who trains him, allowing his desire to do so to cloud his normally sound judgment.

      The young Anakin grows in power but as he enters his tumultuous adolescence he chafes under what he feels is the oppression of the Jedi order. At the core of his rebellion is a disagreement; the Jedi Order demands that its adherents master and suppress their emotion, because failure to do so has led Jedi in the past to wield their power to do horrible things in pursuit of their passions. Anakin does not understand this and wouldn’t agree with it even if he did. All he sees is that the order is trying to keep him from the woman he loves passionately. He carries on his quiet rebellion out of the sights of the Jedi order. Some of the higher-ups know, but keep their eyes half-shut, because on some level they feel the code is too strict, as well.

      Anakin grows in power and begins to perceive new subtleties in the force. One day, tapping deeply into it, he has a vision that terrifies him, of his beautiful wife dying. He refuses to accept that this is true. He fights to try to find a way around it. Everything he knows about the force suggests that what he’s seen is unavoidable. Finally, he’s faced with a choice; accept that his wife has to die, or throw away every shred of the things he’s been taught in a desperate bid that on the other side of the force, the side he’s been taught is evil, there may be an answer for him. Meanwhile, on the other side, a very powerful and intelligent evil sees this and senses an opportunity to turn one of the most powerful Jedi ever produced into his loyal servant. All he has to do is lie and tell the young man that on the dark side, there really IS a way to save his wife. And so Anikin allows himself to be corrupted, and by the time he realizes what is happening, he’s too late to change what he’s become, or the horrible things he has done. He wakes to find he’s a slave to a new master.”

      Fill that basic outline with scenes depicting Obi-Wan and Anakin going through adventures and you’d have a pretty decent trilogy… or, well, you might. The problem is not the basic plot idea that Lucas used. The problem is how he fleshed it out. He took the simple, central narrative of the first three episodes, which could have been brilliant in the hands of somebody who cared about things like logic and coherency, and buried it under several layers of shit, neglect, and bad acting. He made no apparent effort to screen it for internal contradictions, apparently never asked himself if the characters were believable, and didn’t bother to go out of his way to bring a great performance out of the actors. And he did this because he is, at heart, an effects man. He loves graphics. He wanted to build a wonderful and complex world, and to use computer graphics to create a visual cinematic experience that was like nothing seen before. And he did that, and brilliantly. But in his rush to do that, he thought he could get away with neglecting the other half of the movie–the story that ties it all together. And that’s where he fell apart, and why I hate the first trilogy so much. Anakin’s desperate battle against fate isn’t the problem. It’s that Lucas makes him act so insipid and stupid that the audience feels he turned to the dark side because he was a whiny man-bitch, and not because he was a desperate and brilliant Jedi who was, at heart, just a boy trying to save the girl he loved. Lucas didn’t treat a single plot idea he had with the respect it deserved. He didn’t treat a single character with the respect they deserved. And he (and the rest of us) paid for it.

      Think about your own idea for a moment. Would you have trusted Lucas with that idea, if you knew he was going to give your basic narrative the same treatment that he did to his own? The same insipid characters, poor acting, contrived motivations and situations?

      • GranDam

        Lucas has a very poor track record with movies. Plinkett says that
        Lucas gets too much credit for Star Wars and I agree. I wouldn’t trust
        Lucas with any movie if I wanted it to be more than eye candy.

        You
        could say my idea for the story is similar to his, but he doesn’t tell
        the story very well at all. So it’s hard to tell if it’s actually
        similar or not. It’s as if he added in so much crap because he wanted
        it to be epic. It became convoluted and bogged down with meaningless
        scenes. The first sequel could be thrown out entirely and it wouldn’t
        change the story at all. That is the problem.

        He told a story
        that could fill one movie, spread it over three, and filled the void
        with pointless action and visuals. But when he filled the void he
        watered down the story so that it is hard to follow and understand.

      • Youngkob

        what I don’t get is how Anakin is the most powerful Jedi but he is not as powerful as the Emperor or Starkiller. It’s like he’s a basic sith.

        • http://www.facebook.com/arne.maes Arne Maes

          Well, if you accept that Anakin only fell because he saw no way to save the woman he loves as a jedi, it’s possible his nature was always more good than evil, thus limiting his darkside force output

          • http://www.facebook.com/peter.a.eriksen.5 Peter Angelo Eriksen

            In theory that’s a possibility, but watching Episodes 2 and 3, do you actually get even the tiniest inkling that his nature was *ever* more good than evil. I remember even shortly after watching Attack of the Clones – and I actually liked the prequels when I was younger – my thoughts were, “huh? I didn’t think he was supposed to fall to the dark side until next movie”.

          • http://www.facebook.com/arne.maes Arne Maes

            Good point, but none of the Jedi really act like they should in the prequels, so, let’s just say it’s bad writing and be done with it ;)

        • http://www.facebook.com/marcus.cordeiro.33 Marcus Cordeiro

          It’s because Lucas don’t think of the star wars universe like we do. We perceived it mostly trough games, comic books and the new movies, where the force/training level of the characters matter. But in reality, in the original trilogy your power level didn’t matter so much as the motivation for your character. That’s why they send a vulnerable princess in disguise to jaba’s lair first instead of sending the jedi knight to fuck everyone up and steal Solo’s tablet. I think the new movies should be directed at the new audience, because the old themes from the original trilogy would certainly alienate us more logic and action-craving people and the usual moviegoing nowadays audience. It would be a sure hit. I hope J.J. Abrahams does something like that, but with great streamlined character development and emotion his work is known for.

        • Nathan David Haslett

          As a sith he is weaker because the whole robot thing. Flesh is much more useful and efficient in wielding the force than machinery. Very simple answer. Also TFU game was specifically a grandiose portrayal of force powers, showing them as way more destructing and powerful than they are. You can see that by seeing what Vader can do in game compared to out of it.

      • Coolclouds

        The actors were not the problem. They did what they could with what little they had. Also your assessment that a story’s basic outline is generic is meaningless. At this point every story is essentially generic at its core. The uniqueness doesnt come from the basic outline. It comes from maybe the setting, the dialogue, or the characters themselves. There are no new stories anymore and there never will be. All thats left is stories with the same basic premises with an interesting twist in one of the things I mentioned.

    • Kevin

      Nice idea, where did Anakin’s kids come from though?

      • youngkob

        If Jedi aren’t allowed to love, then how do they have kids

        • Kyle Jones

          Sex does not require love. Although I personally recommend it.

          • KartoffelKongen

            Doubt Mr. Plinkett would.

    • Charnelhouse

      Interesting approach. I would not start Episode I with Obi Wan as a Jedi. I would reach back further to his line in to Yoda in ‘Empire Strikes Back’ – ‘Was I any different when you taught me?’ We have thus established that Yoda taught Obi Wan to be a Jedi. Why abandon that? Episode I should have been about Yoda discovering Obi Wan and training him to become a Jedi. Then the Emperor tempts him with the Dark Side and he refuses. Or something, as long as your fill out Obi Wan’s backstory. But keep the focus on the core characters without introducing all the static.

    • http://twitter.com/doofmagnet Floyd Zongamin

      Wow, thats almost like what actually happened. You, no doubt, have the gift of delusions of grandeur. Get a grip jackass.

    • Momrocker

      i laughed at all the people who didnt get the joke.

      • idiotbox

        there wasn’t a joke….I wonder what you think you’re laughing at

    • Lefiados

      Most of the elements mentioned here are what actually transpires in the film. There are more creative alternative takes out there – some alarmingly good.

  • cats

    So I look at my clock on the bottom right of my screen as he says “Hey it’s 11:30 in the morning…” It’s 11:33 o..O

  • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.allen.735 Patrick Allen

    Yes, he’s a maverick to the point of doing unreasonable things. Even though he’s more contemplative. Brilliant analysis, Q.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pedro.moro.92 Pedro Moro

    I really like the three old movies because of the story and the great idea, but what captured my attention in the star wars saga was exactly what isn’t considered so good: the action. Although it does not fit well in the universe of star wars the paper of the action in the new trilogy is to attract the new audience making it justified. And what sabotages the new movies is the numbers of details that were tried to be put in the movie because of the lack of answers in the old trilogy. They put a lot of details because they needed not only to tell a new story but to explain an already existed one, this makes difficult to conceal and the problems are seen more easily. As a 17 years old nerd I would put the films in this order: worst – I, III, IV, II, V, VI -best. I would put this in my opinion (that nobody needs to share if you don’t will to) because of the action involved and the story.
    And in the problems in the story appeared not only in the new trilogy, who would put a week point in a massive weapon like the death star?? Why there is a hole that take it to the reactor?? It doesn’t makes sense at all.

  • Son of Plinkett

    Harry S. Plinkett ia my father

  • jarjar4evr

    PLEASE REVIEW RETURN OF THE JEDI!!

    I know everyone refers to Star Wars as some immaculate and flawless trilogy of sci-fi perfection, but have any of you seen ROTJ recently?

    Episode IV was breathtaking and revolutionary, Episode V picked up from where it left off and added an intensity the first was missing and delved deeper into the themes and characters Star Wars created, then Episode VI came along and fucked everything up.

    You’ve done an excellent job of explaining why Episodes I-III are unbearable pieces of shit, so why omit Return of the Jedi? That movie is the worst of the OT by FAR and I’d argue the worst of the saga. The only reason an adult would enjoy that movie is if they saw it as a child and are incapable of viewing it objectively. All of the terrible qualities of the prequels are there. Go and give it a rewatch, I implore you.

    • Dan

      I think the worst parts are the endless droning on in Luke and Vader’s lightsaber battle. It was trying to build suspense but it just got boring. And, also I don’t mind the ewoks as much as most, but they should have played a smaller role. That being said, the speeder chase in the forest was pretty cool. And what you said about seeing it as a kid, I saw both the old trilogy (on VHS, not the shitty remade DVD’s), and the prequels as a kid. Personally, I think that people give the prequels too much shit, and that they had too high of expectations going into it.

      Also, my personal favorite is ESB. It is the most thoughtful, and conflicted one.

    • Br. Bill

      Great call. I have never liked ROTJ and I refuse to watch it. It’s horrible. New Hope was a good film with amazing, groundbreaking style. Empire was a GREAT film. Return of the Jedi was just the first of the awful last 4 films.

  • Halde

    How ironic. Was about to watch this, when i see a Clone Wars animated series blueray commercial by dvdoo.com xD

  • http://www.wiziwig.tv/ Rafael Da Silva

    So Disney have bought Lucasfilm and announced three more Star Wars movies.

    Get your notebook ready Mike. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1037720914 Alex Nickels Sincennes

    Guess what Disney is DMCA-ing next?

  • evan

    You were very biased in overcomplicating the pod race bet. It really wasn’t that complicated.

  • sex

    kamal from the jerky boys wants his kissel act back

  • cthulhugamete

    My only gripe with this, the best review of this steaming pile of shit of a movie, is mo mention of Kurosawa, Godard, or Bergman : [ Might be shy an Italian or two. And I know he’s an acquired taste but esp. if your a painter – Greenaway’s movies are a visual candy shop. Since the Disney buyout and discussions about the next possible film, I’ve encountered some “thru the eyes of a child” apologists for this trope fest. Just needed a reminder that I wasn’t losing mind. This is a terrible movie and needs to be remembered as such. Besides Maul the only redeeming quality of PM is that comparatively, it makes the Ewoks bearable.

    • http://www.facebook.com/skollerton Seano Ollerton

      tropes are not bad.

  • cthulhugamete

    *no mention of Kurosawa

  • Andy

    Hahaha, this review is class.

  • guest

    bit of a cunty comment

  • opieNanthonyfan

    Comedian Jim Norton’s response to this video, “I spent all night watching these reviews and I fucking howled laughing….”

  • Remix

    This review was hilarious

  • http://twitter.com/DomnizkyDesign Erik Domnizky

    I think I recognized the sound of Plinkett’s ‘gat’ as one of the weapons from the old Star Wars: Dark Forces PC game back in 1995.

  • Alex

    Ok, so the blockade “rings” the planet… makes a ring around the planet (sorry, I’m not the native speaker). And as far as I understand one not gives a shit from which point on the planet they take off, cuz in space there’s no ups and downs.
    So, why to go directly thought the blockade ring?? Go above it! 90 degrees above or below, right or up, get to a safe distance, plot your course, “engage!”
    No? Ok. Shield generator it is then.

    • Guest

      Or calculate the jump to hyperspace from inside the blockade, and then past at light speed. Piece of cake.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Woerner/1458757276 Christopher Woerner

      The only real use of three-dimensional space in the movies is Han Solo dropping down directly over the two-meter exhaust port to save Luke. If the Rebels had thought of that, they wouldn’t have had to spend so much time being shot at by the Death Star. Basically they unneccesarily sent ships, pilots and droids into a kill zone for several minutes before bothering to approach the target. Han earned his medal.

      • Qui Gon Booze

        I always assumed they had to go down the trench because there were too many defense turrets along the surface to approach from that direction.

        Oddly enough there were even turrets in the trench.

  • jubalbiggs

    One of the best movie reviews ever made. Now, if you would only break Prometheus down… all the way to the mitochlorians.

  • JohnWaynman

    Yea, they kind of had step 1) and lots of step 3), but step 2) was mostly skipped. Which essentially made them a bunch of mediocrity/awfulness in attractive sugar coating.

  • Sectoid55

    “What’s wrong with your faaace?” Plinkett needs to bring that back in another review.

  • Alex

    Now I see what (who :D) made Lucas sell his company to Disney. Nicely done!

  • DarthBaneForever

    im still a fan of the star wars prequels i cant wait to see episodes 7 8 and 9

  • orbis

    but the irony is that even the special effects are not that good, the CGI looks really fake, for example terminator 2 (made 10 years before) had better special effects than episode 2; also the special effects are none near as ground braking as the original star wars

  • piwiator

    OK, so I used Shazam and nothing came up! What is the name of the song at the end of his reviews?

  • Ninjacat

    The fact that the droids get cut down like butter is only a problem if you look at TPM as a stand alone movie – and everyone in the audience knew they were seeing only 1/3rd of a trilogy.
    1) the seeming superiority of the Jedi. What makes their eventual fall so dramatic is the destruction of their status as nearly invincible figures. This has to happen out of order from the original trilogy in order to make narrative sense. The Jedi start with power and lose to evil, rather than start as goodie underdogs. It’s OK that their primary opponents are incompetent in the first movie, since you’ve already accepted that you are in for a trilogy. Faulting this aspect of the first film after the whole trilogy was a failure is unfair.

    2) The superiority of the clones versus droids. Ever wonder why the Empire would bother training and using live humans (or at least humanoids) under those stormtrooper outfits, rather than mass produce a bunch of robots? I certainly wondered that as a kid. This was actually a clever way to answer that question, by showing the incompetence and unreliability of the mass produced machine and eventual necessity of the mass produced cloned soldier.

    3) Queens are more exciting than rooks. The lack of tension throughout the film was the result of mostly absent villains and a long drought of story spent on the silly pod race. What would a more competent droid army accomplish? The audience isn’t there to watch the conflict with the droids – they are there for the conflict with the Sith, the story of Luke and Leia’s birth, and Anakin’s descent into the Dark Side. The fact that very little of the story has any relevance to these conflicts is more damning than whether the droids were worthy adversaries.

    Love the reviews!!! Just disagree on a few things. :)

    • JW6

      You can rationalize it however you want, but I am 99.5% sure that Lucas was not thinking anything you said here, so those points of criticism are totally accurate.

  • http://www.facebook.com/robin.graves.92775 Robin Graves

    I always thought the droids were the protagonists.. In all honesty i feel that way about all six movies..

  • Richter Belmont

    The prequels are stylistically designed to be that way, but we can dimish the effects of it (not paying to see the movies).

  • johnny_DK

    I like the battel droide

  • no

    There’s a conspiracy theory I heard that the whole reason George made the prequels is to show how shitty the old republic was. After the 6′th movie there was an invasion by a species that TURNS PLANETS INTO ORGANIC SHIPS IN A MATTER OF DAYS! If Palpatine knew this in advance then it’d be freaking genius to overthrow the republic to PROTECT IT. Jesus Christ look how retarded both the senate and the Jedi are in dealing with a bunch of fucking retarded droids. The Empire has trillions of troops and has a station that can BLOW UP motherfucking planets, ya know, ones that could’ve been turned into genocidal spaceships. But yeah, the sith are the bad guys, the rebellion just caused the genocides of a dozen or so species.

  • POD

    Such stupid reviews :(

  • zero_miles_per_hour

    It seems to me like what they should have done is not make the Jedi avoid romance, instead they should avoid politics. Like they could make Anakin secretly have a crush on Senator Padme who is organizing a counter-alliance against the Trade Federation and gets kidnapped by the apprentice Sith because Palpatine is backing the Trade Federation to destroy the Republic from within, so Anakin will agree to help the Republic save Padme using the alias ‘Darth Vader’ so the Jedi won’t know, but he’s not powerful enough to do it, and Palpatine is drawn by his Force and his immense rage and convinces him to become his apprentice with the promise of godlike power without realizing that this will result in the death of his other apprentice, and this causes Anakin to become Darth Vader permanently, and also married to Padme and worshipped by the Republic as their savior, so Palpatine decides to abandon the Trade Federation and use his new apprentice to weasel his way into the Republic, meanwhile the Jedi have figured out the Darth Vader thing by now and come to stop it but Anakin personally slaughters them all, except Yoda who’s too powerful and Obi-Wan who was the only Jedi he actually knew personally, but using that much Force in one battle nearly kills him so the Republic builds him the suit, and the two remaining Jedis flee and turn the Trade Federation into the Rebel Alliance, eventually joined by Padme who flees with her and Anakin’s kids when Palpatine turns the Republic into the Empire.

  • http://www.facebook.com/skollerton Seano Ollerton

    i think you can attribute that oversight to the fact that nobody gives a shit about maul. the only time he was ever cool was on the posters and shit before you saw the movie. it made you think he was going to be a cool bad guy and a part of the story, but it was just a bait and switch like sam jackson. potential isn’t really the word, because all maul is is a stuntman with spikes on his head.

  • yeaidontthinkso

    too long, not gonna listen.

    dear butthurt basement dweller: it helps to actually explain and rationalize your accusations and criticisms of a movie. not bring up a point and immediately cut away to some long winded rant that only serves to make fun of it, never once delivering any message or comparative reasoning to support your original point.

    when you actually do manage to make a reasonable point, you fail to realize that it is just another COMMON movie fallacy. on this note, for every whining you have against TPM, I could find the same criticism in the original trilogy. it was full of just as many tropes and irrational decisions… the only difference is you choose to deny that out of fandom.

    this isn’t any sort of a review, it’s an hour of you crying because you don’t like anything new. the mere fact you went into seeing this movie with an already preconceived notion that it was going to suck, should be reason enough to dismiss any possibility of sound criticism.

    • rob

      “too long, not gonna listen.”

      That’s the mentality of a dumb child. No wonder you’re defending the prequels.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1229872440 Brian Assanowicz

      That check from Lucas Films clear yet?

  • Kyran

    Dear Plinkett reviewers:

    You owe me money for underwear. If I continue to defecate myself while laughing at your fricken reviews, I will be forced to bring a class action law suit against you. In accordance with federal law, I am required to inform you that voicing opinions and clerical facts which are in direct opposition to the fan’s views of the prequel trilogy is deemed by myself to be peanut butter fucking hilarious. Please continue the great work.

    Oh, and also….Vagina

  • Nick

    That isn’t what “begging the question” means.

  • http://www.facebook.com/NicholasAMonzo Nicholas Monzo

    i have not laughed this much in a very very long time. my room mates actually came in wondering if i was ok. haha!

  • Puttanesca

    Omg I’m watching it again. All I have in my brain is mr plinket’s views.

  • http://www.facebook.com/skollerton Seano Ollerton

    would have worked a lot better if anakin just rose through the ranks of the jedi while dealing with the clone wars alongside obi wan, leaving the prequels on a high note and forcing us to fill in the blanks as far as his transition into darth vader. the clone wars could have been something a lot more emotional- like maybe the clones were all abominations created by a widowed scientist, trying to resurrect his lost love- they’re all mutated horrors and this causes the galactic senate to intervene- creating a WWI-esque conflict- the senate occupying planet after planet to continue their manhunt until the alliance fractures- with planets pointing fingers and forming ententes. war threatens to break out add ravage the galaxy, which all serves as a backdrop to the quest that obi and anakin embark on, hoping to find the scientist and pull the galaxy back from the brink. the scientist could even have been long dead by the time they find him- the victory of the jedi is incomplete and we’re left with a galaxy barely held together with tense, one-eye-open alliances.

  • http://twitter.com/DKCSchool DKCSchool

    Shield-generators in Starwars are located outside of the shield, just like the shield generator domes on top of the brigde of star destoyers.

  • Br. Bill

    Too bad, because if you really like good movies and good pulp science fiction, Empire is probably the most enjoyable — unless you really, really hate cliffhangers.

  • Br. Bill

    Nathan, the things you think are bad attributes were actually intentional for humorous effect. I’ll cut you some slack for hating the prequels, because they truly do suck giant AT-AT balls.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Webb/1405341955 Chris Webb

    and then suddenly worf had a purple space bazooka

  • MH

    Either this ‘review’ is a joke or the author is…

    Ewan McGregor played Obi-Wan.
    Character Description; (Jinn) Wise, tempered and a great role model for initiates and full knights alike. Loyal and obedient not willing to deviate far from orders. (Ammadella) Dedicated, Kind hearted, brave and wise for her age. Not afraid to fight for her people or cause.
    Wasn’t hard. Next time ask people that are not retarded.
    Honestly, your point on the opening scene of No.4 is valid but otherwise you’re a whining fanboy. If you’re distracted by background things; up your ADHD medication…
    “I don’t understand space stuff…” Really? Your lack of understanding is the fault of the film.

    I found all three as enjoyable as the original trilogy, in some regards better, in some worse. You fanboys would never be happy with what ever is put out, so just stick on the original VHS and stop ‘reviewing’ shit; you’re ill equipped for such a task.

    • http://twitter.com/aliennetwork RP Clarke

      suck a fat cock you retarded fucking cum dumpster

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/William-Crafton/100001283161207 William Crafton

      /facepalm

  • TheSucculentInTheWaitingRoom

    Please review The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and tear that awful monument to mediocrity TO F*CKING SHREDS!

    • http://twitter.com/aliennetwork RP Clarke

      I asked for the same

  • fuck
  • UnShame

    wow, I never realized how bad this movie is.
    I watched it in the theater with my parents back then when it came out and all i remembered was jar jar binks, pod racing and the final battle with the guy with double-bladed lightsaber…
    And they made a 3d version of this??

  • jfbrian

    At 23:09 of part 2 are they looking out a window or is that supposed to be a viewscreen? It looks like a window to me, but they are looking out it at an upward angle and seeing straight down into the street.

  • Ziggy

    This is probably the most educational video ive ever watched

  • Cereus

    Remember when Jar Jar spits out that weird shovel headed salamander? The thing that I just remembered is why, He spits it out because he finds out how much it costs. How does a fucking moron from an insular society who has lived in the fucking woods alone for years understand the currency of a planet he probably hadn’t heard of before? He most likely has a very basic understanding of non gungan naboo culture if that. So yeah, very minor point but I’ve just been realising how little time goes by between stupid shit in this movie.

  • Guest

    “What is it with Ricks?”

    You forgot Santorum.

  • cegolal

    Oh, this is just great. A stupid review site full of nerdy stupid explanations trying to put some value to stupid flaws, just because they’re old.

    Let’s just start once again the bullshit-counter job:

    First of all, I’m not even start defending the script of Phantom Menace in general. It is a great movie with great story. I’ll just comment your reasons.

    THE NEED OF A PROTAGONIST: the audience needs a protagonist? Who the hell told you that? You are bound to the past, where all action movies followed the very same linear structure, repeated over and over again due to lack of creativity. Only 1 person and his problems filling the whole picture.

    The most stupid things on the older movies was the centering around Luke. Nobody knew shit about the rest of the galaxy. What is the Senate? Where is it? Empire of what? You see Dagobah, Hoth, Tattoine and Endor, and none of them has any trace of government. The only place you see that has the slight sign of administration is Bespin, and that’s not even an important place in the whole galaxy.

    From that you have to imagine how is the rest of the galaxy. I remember that when I was a kid, most people used to think that the whole Empire was just an empire of spaceships that dominated underdeveloped planets, and that’s all (and the worst thing is that according to IV, V and VI, that’s acceptable).

    Even more, the whole universe is at war but all you see is the adventures of Luke. How stupid is that? I can’t blame Lucas. He said himself that he regrets not having the tech or money to make the story as wide as it should be at the time. Centering on Luke is a limitation, not something to be praised. The I, II and III rightfully placed the characters stories below or at least in the same level as the rest of the universe, what should’ve been done to the IV, V and VI as well.

    Sorry, but all I see here is someone complaining about not having a boring 1 person story, about a single individual saving the whole universe in his every move, what is really ridiculous to think even for a country what to say for a whole galaxy. I’m really glad that Lucas fixed that, and that now I can see that the whole galaxy is not made of 1 person.

    DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTERS: I’ll pretty much get into your game.

    Han Solo: he’s a rogue. He got a strange facial expression and keeps uninitentionally smilling due to lack of interpretation from H. Ford (that only do serious roles). All of his faces are overly expressed, like he is doing mimics, with too widely opened eyes (like japanese theater, wich is great, but totally incoherent for a movie). From the whole cast, he was the only one that made me see that it was an actor, not a character (always speaking as if there was a third person seeing him act).

    Qui Gon: he is very calm and experienced. Know what to do even at the worst time possible, and is very patient. Everything is under his control but if something isn’t, he doesn’t mind breaking some rules and being a little rebel if he think it’s needed for a greater good. That just perfectly fits the personality Obi-Wan shows in the older movies. The only difference is that the old Obi-Wan is not a rebel in any way, since there is no Jedi Order.

    C3PO: just a clown, nothing more. It is exactly the same role played by Jar Jar, or even by himself on the I, II and III.

    Amidala: very serious and focused person. She can endure any hardship with the same fearless determination. She appears to have no feelings while leading her planet, but she is sweet, smart and corageus when she is not in the rule of queen os senator, and this is great.

    Actually, I can’t even imagine a queen being any other way. What should she be? Sterical and stubborn like Leia? Her image is the same as Angela Merkel’s or Queen Elizabeth’s. Also, does everyone in your world must have a non-regular behaviour
    somehow? Maybe you don’t know serious people, but they do exist.

    Also, stop asking morons what they think about the sagas, ask someone that at least understood the movies.

    Let’s just make another question game, shall we?

    Describe the galaxy in the 2 trilogies without describing specifically any planet:

    I, II and III: a bible of content.

    IV, V and VI: …nothing, wait, …Hoth?

    STORY: Let me see… the whole galaxy is at piece and you want a pointless action scene at the beginning of Phantom Menace? How ridiculous is that? You want action at the beginning? Watch Revenge of the Sith and fill your eyes with grandiosity and shame for ever having said that you’ve seen a great space battle before.

    Asnwer me this: Based only in the IV, V and VI, how does the galaxy work? What does a Jedi do? The answer is silence, because THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE IN THE OLDER TRILOGY. I believe you thought that a Jedi would just go wherever crime is and destroy everyone, like a super hero (so naive if you’re more than 15yo). Lucas spent some time showing everyone what is the galaxy and what a Jedi do and all you can do is complain about not having a battle? Go watch Braddock, damn it!

    The I, II and III are so full of iformation because the have to set their own background and the background of the older trilogy, that was so incomplete. The older trilogy could even be renamed to “The Space Adventures of Luke Skywalker” and IT WOULD FIT because there is nothing else to the movie!

    Now try to do that to the new trilogy… You can’t, and you know why? Because there are many important facts and characters happening everywhere in the galaxy, covered all the time in different takes. The movie is rich. The real STAR WARS can only be seen in the I, II and III, because the old movies don’t have a galaxy, only 4 or 5 unexplored planets 1 moon and some teddy bears.

    I’m stopping here, because if I go on, I’ll find much more flaws on your review (much more than I thought). But at least, I’ll just explain your point of view.

    Back in the 70′s-80′s, science fiction wasn’t so explored as it is today, and that’s a great part of the success of A New Hope. The whole movie was like nothing you’ve ever seen before. The feeling that you must have felt when you saw it on the theater must have been incredible, almost impossible to describe. I envy you, for I’ve never seen those movies in a theather, since I was born in 1980.

    Unfortunately, that feeling clouded your judgement, because you expected the same feeling in the new saga, and that’s impossible, because science fiction and aliens are just a very commom subject today.

    Also, you have the “oldman’s revolt”. I created the name, but It is a very well known syndrome where old people desperately try to enrich their youth to see it as fasr superior to today’s youth (even young people that hates nowadays life style can have that syndrome). That makes you love every single piece of shit from the past, even flaws and mistakes.

    Because of that feeling, you tend to say that everything that was old is better, but look at yourself! You are complaining about the new movies because a queen does look like a queen and a Jedi Master does look like a Jedi Master. or even because you are being filled with information about the galaxy, politics, governments, species, knowledge… That’s just absurd. You praise the incomplete and despises what is well described.

    I know this is not Lucas’ fault. He already said that he didn’t have the money or tech to make the old movies as wide as they should be, but limitiations are to be just respected, not praised, so I tend to overlook these flaws.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m really confident that I’m one of the biggest fans Star Wars will ever have, but even so, Its hard to let pass things like:

    - Lack of good choreographers: this was responsible by horrible fight between Old Kenobi and Vader. Obi-Wan looked like an old man using a cane to scare off a dog and made me think that a Jedi was a piece of shit, lightsaber and all. That was not dramatic, but a shit fight. Also Han shaking his blaster while shooting is pretty ridiculous (looks like a kid saying bang!)

    - Characters breathing in space (Solo and crew): no comments…

    - Lack of background of the rest of the galaxy, only fucking Luke: I’ve said enough about this already.

    - Ridiculous outfits: specially those turtle helmets and the plastic armor of the storm troopers.

    Now, you have to learn that what is old is not necessarily good. Some things are, but not everything. Also, all the old saga was incomplete and full of flaws due to lack of time, money and expertise, and nothing of that happenend to the new saga, made as Lucas intended Star Was to be.

    Everything on the new movies is made to fix the old olnes and make everything a whole with sense. They even refused to use CG to make the wookiees, just to avoid creating a big gap between them and that poorly made Chewbacca costume from the old Saga. If something is wrong, is in the old movies, not in the new ones.

    Stop loving crap, and start fundamenting your opinions in a more solid way, aside from your own feelings of revolt.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sylveria.shini Sylveria Shini

      Who’s the bigger nerd, the nerd that complains or the nerd that writes a mile long essay about those complaints.

      • cegolal

        Simpletons, please, keep out of this argument. Go watch reality shows, which suits more your level…

        • dunag

          The prequels sucked.

    • http://www.facebook.com/john.degaulle.18 John De Gaulle

      are you fucking serius?

    • http://twitter.com/WilsonChambers Wilson Chambers

      To be charitable to Lucas, your interest in the wider universe sounds like what I’ve always assumed about the guy — he was fascinated by the big picture in his head.

      The first problem is either you make a fictional almanac or you make a work of drama. Even if Lucas’ writing were competent, plots are all about human interest and pacing — if you set out to tell a story, the audience is going to expect a story, not a recitation of indices.

      The second problem is that Lucas’ understanding of his world is and was always nebulous — the prequels feel like recycled fan-fic because it was creative people around him who brought the original Star Wars movies to life by introducing their own interpretations, suggestions and challenges. Lucas was the spark, sure, but his one-man show proved he was nothing more.

    • Elliot

      +1. I agree, the prequels are better in the fact that they explain star wars on a galactic level as opposed to focusing on just a few characters. Everything makes more sense with the addition of the prequel trilogy and it adds replay value to the old trilogy because you now have an understanding of vader and why he does what he does. I personally like both trilogies, each for their own reason.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/William-Crafton/100001283161207 William Crafton

      tl;dr

      You should open a dictionary and look up the definition of the word “irony”.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Samuel-J-Dillinger/656416116 Samuel J Dillinger

      Sorry but you’re wrong. This review summed things up from how a film should be made. Your first line to defend this film against this review was: the audience needs a protagonist? Who the hell told you that?

      I stopped reading there because you obviously have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. Almost every engaging movie has a central character we know more about than the other characters in the film. This review explains this. It spends 5 to 10 minutes establishing this point. Are you mental?

      Stop using synonyms and spell check to sound smarter than you actually are. It doesn’t help the fact that you are calling everybody here nerds and morons for just being here when YOU are here spending more time trying to defend shit that actually makes no sense to anybody, other than the ‘fanboys’ who convince themselves that it makes sense by breaking it down and reading the books and so on.

      In closing; Fuck off.

    • DeeBeeCooper

      george? is that you?

    • manctofu

      I think I’ve identified the most ludicrous part of this comment: comparing characters to planets. You seriously think planets should be able to be described as richly as characters? You are utterly clueless. The review explains the importance of a protagonist by referencing some of the greatest films ever made.

  • MrManDude

    My Star Wars Prequel Ideas, I just made up right now

    Yoda, Obi-Wan, the republic, Stormtroopers/ Republic army and the rest of the Jedi order are fighting a massive galactic war, with a Separatist army that’s rumored to be led by a pair of Sith warriors. Obi-Wan and Yoda are among a group of Jedi trying to find more leads into this mystery, while other Jedi fight the Separatist group. They chase leads on dangerous, grimy, crime/ Separatist controlled planets looking for leads.

    They finally find the Sith Apprentice and a part of the Separatist army on an Urban planet. Obi-Wan and Yoda try to kill him, and discover that the apprentice and his team have been laying the groundwork for a full scale invasion. Yoda and Obi-Wan have to get off the planet to send word to the council.

    They search the city for an adequete pilot, scince they don’t have enough credits to buy a new ship, and Yoda forbids stealing one even thogh Obi-Wan suggests it. They hear about a great pilot known as Anakin. They find Anakin who’s supprisingly 15-16 ish. Anakin is street smart, and sly, as well as arrogant. But Yoda senses an extreme potential in the force within Anakin. Yoda and Obi-Wan start training him, hoping he might be a good ally. They have to convince the council to let them do so, given Anakins age.

    The chancellor refuses to send support to the system, but is assasinated (assasin made it look like an accident.) Palpatine rises to power and decides to send support to the planet, hoping to gain popularity and even more power through a military win. The planet is liberated from the Separatists but the Sith gets away. Anakin has not reached his potential, but he adapted to the force very rapidly.

    Palpatine aka Darth Sidious has a few conversations with his apprentice throughout the movie. This explains Palpatines goal of seizing complete control of the Republic and restoring Sith dominance in the galaxy. He hopes to do so by establishing a fake Separatist/rebel army to create enough tension in the galaxy to expose the undecisive, democratic senate. He will gain his power this way until he has the reigns. While the participants in the rebellion beleive it to be a true revolution, they don’t know it’s true purpose.

    That’s the end of number one.

  • MrManDude

    Numero 2

    A few years have past, scince Obi-Wan and Yoda met Anakin. Yoda is nearly fully devoted to his time on the council, and can’t go on so many missions anymore. Anakin is now pretty expirienced, and Obi-Wan is no longer a Padawan, and hasn’t been scince Anakin officialy joined the Jedi. Yoda used to be more actively involved in training Anakin but because of Anakins quick ascent through force skills, and Yoda’s increasing council duties, not much is left to teach. Anakin and Obi-Wan work together very often, along with Jedi Ky Muul, and Anya Firdassa (I made them up; Ky Muul is a stoic and honorable Green Nautolan Jedi Master. He’s strong and weilds a double bladed blue lightsaber. Anya is a young, energetic, tough and spunky jedi Knight. She’s agile, and weilds two green lightsabers. She is a tan human.) The team of four is sent to Naboo to finish joining Naboo to the Republics side in the War. When they get there they’re introduced to Padme Amidala, the Queen of Naboo. Anakin and Padme meet after a round of dealings and begin a secret relationship. Anakin and the other Jedi need to secure Naboo’s loyalty by promising protection. Padme becomes the new senator giving up the throne to serve in the galactic Senate. Meanwhile The team of Jedi is sent to track down a lead on the most powerful information broker in the galaxy. The broker has acquired sensitive information that could cause a war between Naboo and another system. The Jedi also find this mission to their advantage, the broker having possible knowlege on the separatists. They eventually find the location of the brokers base, a massive space station. When they get there they reallize that the separatists too are onboard the station and have already begun their assault. To be continued…

  • beavobeave

    Hey… Pause part 2 of this review at 23:09.. Does anyone notice anything weird about the angle of the street with the window they are looking out of? It’s like the building they’re in hangs over the street.

  • Someone

    But I CAN describe the Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon of the prequels. See?

    Obi-Wan is a man who genuinely loves his teacher and wants to do the right thing. He tries to help people whenever he can, but he’s young, so he can be rash. He goes through a tremendous character arc, growing up after the death of his father figure and raising a child who eventually turns against him.

    Qui-Gon loves his student more deeply than really he should. He was mentored by someone who eventually became what he considered “evil” and was thus much more sympathetic to that sort of “evil” person, making Obi-Wan likewise sympathetic. He cared more about people than politics and tried to help people whenever he could, though he retained too much respect for those who had taught him to disobey them in a major way.

    • dunag

      “He was mentored by someone who eventually became what he considered evil”

      Where was this explained in the movie.

      • Elliot

        It’s explained in the attack of the clones whenever dooku captures obi-wan. That’s one thing about the prequels. They really require that you watch all 3 for them to make sense and it can be difficult to catch everything.

        • Qui Gon Booze

          Even if true Qui Gon died before Dooku became evil and never knew. Even then, the OTHER Jedi didn’t even know – they just considered him a “political idealist.”

          So if you truly think that was part of Qui Gon’s character then you’ve been punked.

  • Marvin Falz

    “I’m a person and my name is Anakin” – something in me died when I heard this line the first time.

    “It’s time to kill the Jedi (oh good)” – always makes me laugh.

  • Anonymous

    The Cuban Missile Crisis (1962) was called “World War I” (1914)? When the f**k did that happen?

    • Kevin Catlin

      It’s a called a joke, dipshit.

    • Jack P. Coleman

      I desperately hope you’re being sarcastic.

  • StarWars Jesus

    If you like these review you will really like this video;
    http://youtu.be/oxr1af8qq1o

  • Mr. Idiot

    i would like a pizza roll

  • DrDmoney365

    FYI, the Yogscast, more specifically Simon, made a reference to this review in their latest video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3Ah4psEra5g#t=484s

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/William-Crafton/100001283161207 William Crafton

    I hate to “come out the gate here” being full of vitriol, but after watching the funny and brilliant review for TPM, and then afterwards, reading some of the comments on here about the review itself, I have to say that so many of you miss the point of something like this. Obviously, RedLetterMedia uses comedic themes to create a premise, and that premise runs through all of their material, especially HitB and GameStation 2.0. In these reviews, Mr. Plinkett is executing a style of humor called “satire”. In fact, one might even call it “sardonic”, or “cynical”, or “dry/dark humor”.

    The INTENTION of this review (and a lot of other Plinkett reviews) is to insist upon the fact that something as silly as a Star Wars prequel is completely overtaking his mind; and he is driving himself crazy to the point of obsession and rumination over the smallest details of the movie. IMO, there’s a meta-joke hidden in the character of Mr. Plinkett – Mr. Plinkett’s (literally) murderous and defensive standpoint on his own opinion is, ironically, a lot like a stereotypical internet commentator’s might be. With that in mind, the reason why this review ends up being brilliant is because the cynical tone of the review “unintentionally” points out a great deal of plot holes, technical errors, and bad scriptwriting that is present in the movie.

    I can say that I’ve always been a fan of Star Wars, especially the OT, so I’m biased as well. Furthermore, it’s implied that Mike S. (Mr. Plinkett) is a fan of the previous movies, because someone who hasn’t seen the OT, or who didn’t appreciate/worship it, wouldn’t dedicate so much time to pointing out the inadequacies in the continuation of such a beloved and hallowed series of films. If you ask me? I personally thought TPM was boring. To me the only “cool” and interesting part of TPM was the lightsaber duel between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul, and that’s only because I liked the lightsaber fight scenes in Empire and Jedi so much. I’m biased, yet, we are ALL biased, with us being the imperfect, irrational, carbon-based heliotropes that we are.

    This brings me back to my original point – THESE REVIEWS ARE MADE FOR FUN AND ENTERTAINMENT. RLM never takes themselves too seriously, and that’s probably why they’ve garnered so many fans. It’s funny because it’s ABSURD – that is the entire point of comedy. It seems almost impalpable that so many people choose to nitpick a cheeky, silly interpretation of a terrible movie from their own perspective, all while taking themselves too seriously. This “armchair critic” bullshit is like asking for a “Gold Star” from the denizens of the internet. So what’s next? A review of the review of TPM? Or a review of the review of the review of TPM? GImme a fucking break.

    I have a feeling that the naysayers on this site, and on the internet in general, are just simple, contrary assholes with nothing better to do than to rip on someone who’s doing something funny and original. RedLetterMedia makes hilariously satrical, low-budget-yet-well-conceived internet videos for people and ask for very little in return. That, to me, is a lost art. The art of SUBTLETY.

    It seems a lot of you could use a little.

    • William Shakesman

      I think you’ve got it completely backwards. The review takes itself extremely seriously, but inserts comedy constantly to make it seem like it doesn’t. The comedy keeps you engaged while the points are hammered home.

      You may not have noticed – but your brain did.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bahareh.khosravi.5 Bahareh Khosravi

    the pizza roll scene is genuinely creepy!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joel.timmermeister Joel Timmermeister

    It’s strange because even as a kid, the prequels still bored me to death because space politics.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dillon.mchugh.18 Dillon McHugh

    Seems like ur nitpicking. I really like you fanboys ur never happy. Honestly idk why ur bitching. I liked it a lot. In fact it’s better than the first 3.

    • dunag

      Cypress Hill – Insane in the Membrane

    • Matt

      That’s great that you feel that way. But you’re wrong and this movie sucked. I can’t comprehend how stupid you are if you just watched this review and didn’t believe it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Samuel-J-Dillinger/656416116 Samuel J Dillinger

      You’re either a troll or too young to give a shit about the importance of character development and a solid story. This movie had neither of those going for it. Please go back to school and hopefully you’ll accidentally learn something.

    • DeeBeeCooper

      u r either sick, or a troll… either way u’r sick.. get some help.

  • ADL

    Is it bad that I’ve watched these reviews like 5 times but I still find myself coming back to watch them again?

    • http://twitter.com/PeltFrelken Pelt Frelken

      No, it’s not.

  • Jim Campbell

    If the reviewer were nerdy or a Voice of Authority, that implies that special knowledge or expertise was necessary to make those judgments. The Plinkett character is an effective device that tells the viewer “even an ignorant psychopath can see what’s wrong with this.” It also helps the writer behind the character to go over the top and/or meaner with his criticism. Aimed at a deserving target and used intelligently, that also seems to work out well.

  • I hate Sage

    We surrender to your advanced knowledge of storytelling and movie making. All hail Sage! Your name sucks, get over yourself.

  • Ryan

    Anyone wonder where all of the errant laser shots from the Federation Blockade go? Do they hit the planet? Are they set to stop after a certain distance?

  • Eric Jorgensen

    Obiwan discovers Anakin as a 17 year old pod racing
    sensation on Tatooine. Hot tempered Anakin
    is using his innate capabilities with the force to win, which attracts the attention
    of sith confederates. Obiwan senses the
    need to take Anakin on as an apprentice to prevent a disaster. Against the council (which has been
    infiltrated with Sith Lords), Yoda sides with obiwan, and Anakin begins secret
    training. Obiwan marries Padme (yes, Obiwan). Anakin rockets to success as a Jedi, until
    his mother dies (something he attributes to Obiwan and the Jedi) and he falls in love with Padme and eventually
    seduces her. Obiwan is furious and
    drives off Anakin, who is heartbroken and angry, susceptible to the dark side. He
    sides with the Sith to take his revenge. Padme is sent to Dagobah under Yoda’s
    protection when Jedis start dying. Etc. Ben
    knows that Luke and Leia are not his children.
    It’s a statement to his character that trains Luke and unites him with Anakin. BTW- that’s another thing I’d change – I’d
    have Ben Kenobi involved way earlier in looks life since he’s keen on avoiding
    the same disaster he had with Anakin.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Griffith/100001078582611 Jason Griffith

    The part about the bet was dumb. It wasn’t that complicated…

    • DeeBeeCooper

      maybe not that complicated, but like so many other elements in the movie, it was stupid.

    • TAI…

      True, but I think the point was that it could have just been Anakin vs the ship since that’s the whole point anyways. What’s even the point of talking about the entry fee?

  • Marvin Falz

    “I will not condone a course of action
    that will lead us to war” and so on.

    Makes sense to me. Amidala’s either
    a) a typical politician who says one thing and does something else (though not on the grand scale as Palpatine) or
    b) she realizes that she can’t avoid war to save the planet (though we don’t see a scene in which she changes her mind after a long struggle of her conscience to show us what a good character she has.)

  • StoryGuy

    I have read some of suggestions for a different version of Star Wars prequels. Well here is my suggestion. After the title crawl, an organian ship bursts onto the screens as it drops out of hyper-space. Immediately you can tell that the ship is in distress as the lights and power flicker on the ship and it is trailing smoke. The two man cockpit shows to pilots, one is franticly pulling up star charts, while the other hitting buttoms to keep the ship operational and asking “Where did we end up?”. The other explains, “We’re about 25 parsecs from our distinition. We’re not going to making it are we.” The other explains, “Without, hyper drive we’re not going anywhere. Find us a place to put down quick, They’re right on our tail.” Then the one looking at the star maps points to a planet. The ship cruises toward the planet. Suddeningly another ship drops out of hyperspace. Its roughly the same size but with different marking and configuration. The crippled ship enters the atmosphere of a desolate desert planet, Tattooine. The ship crashes just outside a city. The pilots abandon the ship grabbing a damaged and inoperable asto-mech droid as they escape to smoldering wreckage. They carry the droid on a gaurney as they head toward the city in the distance.
    The two men try to find an in where they can hide and none of the locals will say anything. Once they secure a place to hide they look for a repair shop to get the droid fixed. Meanwhile the persuing ship lands near the wreckage of the first. Two men in long robes exit the ship and begin investigating the wreckage. Jawas and local people are scavengering about the ship. The two hooded men are a young Obiwan and Mace Windu.
    That’s just a start.
    Essentially, the plot would be that the pilots of the organa ship are sabotuers. The damages droid is R2-D2. One of the men knows the ways of the force. Obiwan and Mace chase the men down and catch up to them, after a long foot chase through the crowded city, with the sabotuers shooting at them and the Jedi deflecting them while trying to protect civilians. (NO Stupid Super Speed Running) They corner the vilians were one pulls out a lightsaber and they duel. But civilians get in the way and the sith endangers them, just at that moment a young man, a street performer, intercedes because his mother and grand-mother are under threat. He uses great acrobatic skills and defeats the Sith. The Jedi are amazed, the force is strong with him, this simple street performer, from poor means a begger using his great powers and skill to support his family, his mother and grandmother. He is Anikin Skywalker. (No Stupid Little Kid) Anakin, knows about the force but his family was always too poor to do anything about it. But Anakin is confused by the evil force user, the Sith. Mace explains that Long ago, before men ever counted the days. there were 2 kinds of people force users and regular people. Some force users were kind and generous, and others were selfish. But they all used the force for personal gains. Later as societies grew, force users were made into kings. Some kings were just others were corrupt. Finally some forcer users studied the force deeply and became priests. They realized that the force was in all things and was meant to be user for the good of all people collectively. But others disagreed, they felt what was the use of having these powers if they couldn’t use them to benefit their own tribe or kingdom or family. There was a great divide and the priests became known as Jedi and others became Sith. Obiwan is confused because their should be no more Sith.
    Anakin joins the Jedis as they travel to Corrisant to report their finding and recover what R2 was carrying. The information he was carrying was from Queen Amadala. It was the notification of a plot on the part of a group of star systems to susseed from the Republic and form a Separatist group. Why, because of their lack of representation in the Senate. These star systems are all corporate, and industrial manufacturing planets. Planets of Commerce and wealth. They want majority representation, But the Republic holds to equal representation. The Seperatists want majority rule inorder to set policies in their favor. To drive down wages and increase their assets. The Separatists are pressuring her star system of Organa (NOT Naboo, No Jar Jar) to join their group or else they’ll sanction here planet and shoot down any ship that leave the system. The Jedi were to rendezvous with the Organain ship in secret, but it was taken over by Separatists As the pilots were taking the info to their leaders of proof that Amadala had sold them out. Luckily they intercepted the ship and with Anakin’s help they had stopped the bad guys from exposing Amadala testamony about the Separatists. Anakin explains that being from an outlaying planet, these corporate planets use Tattoonie for labor and pay them nothing. These Separatist want to exploit other Star systems the same way. They induct Anakin into the Jedi order and Obiwan is to begin training him. (No Prophecy) Yoda is proud of Obiwan’s progress. Obi is Yoda’s student. They all go Organa to free the Queen and here people from the Separatists pressure and assault.
    They go free the people and the Queen and find that Sith influence is involved with the Separatists. (Nice big battle, No goofy Gungans) Anakin personally rescues Amadala and immediately he puts the moves on her and she likes him too. They share a kiss. (The Jedi are NOT Forbidding to Love or Marry) But if they do marry they are not allowed to have advanced training. That would conflict with their devotions. You can not serve 2 masters.
    In part 2 you could have Obi trying to pressure Anakin to not take his relationship with Amadala too seriously, but Anakin has skill and powers and potiential to get a great Jedi Master. Obi insists that because Anakin is so strong with the force, he owns it to himself to reach his fullest potiential. But Anakin is alreeady falling for Padame and she for him. (Don’t have ANakin be a bad apple from the start. He should be idealistic and smooth and very likable with the ladies.)

    • Jack P. Coleman

      nice use of an early draft of Star Wars :P

  • Antonio Villarreal

    I have read some of suggestions for a different version of Star Wars prequels. Well here is my suggestion. After the title crawl, an organian ship bursts onto the screens as it drops out of hyper-space. Immediately you can tell that the ship is in distress as the lights and power flicker on the ship and it is trailing smoke. The two man cockpit shows to pilots, one is franticly pulling up star charts, while the other hitting buttoms to keep the ship operational and asking “Where did we end up?”. The other explains, “We’re about 25 parsecs from our destination. We’re not going to making it are we.” The other explains, “Without, hyper drive we’re not going anywhere. Find us a place to put down quick, They’re right on our tail.” Then the one looking at the star maps points to a planet. The ship cruises toward the planet. Suddenly another ship drops out of hyperspace. Its roughly the same size but with different marking and configuration. The crippled ship enters the atmosphere of a desolate desert planet, Tattooine. The ship crashes just outside a city. The pilots abandon the ship grabbing a damaged and inoperable asto-mech droid as they escape to smoldering wreckage. They carry the droid on a gaurney as they head toward the city in the distance.
    The two men try to find an in where they can hide and none of the locals will say anything. Once they secure a place to hide they look for a repair shop to get the droid fixed. Meanwhile the pursuing ship lands near the wreckage of the first. Two men in long robes exit the ship and begin investigating the wreckage. Jawas and local people scavenge about the ship. The two hooded men are a young Obiwan and Mace Windu, maybe Qui-gan.
    That’s just a start.
    Essentially, the plot would be that the pilots of the organa ship are sabotuers. The damages droid is R2-D2. One of the men knows the ways of the force. Obiwan and Mace chase the men down and catch up to them, after a long foot chase through the crowded city, with the sabotuers shooting at them and the Jedi deflecting them while trying to protect civilians. (NO Stupid Super Speed Running) They corner the vilians were one pulls out a lightsaber and they duel. But civilians get in the way and the sith endangers them, just at that moment a young man, a street performer, intercedes because his mother and grand-mother are under threat. He uses great acrobatic skills and defeats the Sith. The Jedi are amazed, the force is strong with him, this simple street performer, from poor means a begger using his great powers and skill to support his family, his mother and grandmother. He is Anikin Skywalker. (No Stupid Little Kid) Anakin, knows about the force but his family was always too poor to do anything about it. But Anakin is confused by the evil force user, the Sith. Mace explains that Long ago, before men ever counted the days. there were 2 kinds of people force users and regular people. Some force users were kind and generous, and others were selfish. But they all used the force for personal gains. Later as societies grew, force users were made into kings. Some kings were just others were corrupt. Finally some forcer users studied the force deeply and became priests. They realized that the force was in all things and was meant to be user for the good of all people collectively. But others disagreed, they felt what was the use of having these powers if they couldn’t use them to benefit their own tribe or kingdom or family. There was a great divide and the priests became known as Jedi and others became Sith. Obiwan is confused because there should be no more Sith.
    Anakin joins the Jedis as they travel to Corrisant to report their finding and recover what R2 was carrying. The information he was carrying was from Queen Amadala. It was the notification of a plot on the part of a group of star systems to succeed from the Republic and form a Separatist group. Why, because of their lack of representation in the Senate. These star systems are all corporate, and industrial manufacturing planets. Planets of Commerce and wealth. They want majority representation, But the Republic holds to equal representation. The Seperatists want majority rule in order to set policies in their favor, to drive down wages and increase their assets. The Separatists are pressuring her star system of Organa (NOT Naboo, No Jar Jar) to join their group, because they are a critical industrial system, they’re using old gangster tactics or pressure and intimidation. No occupying forces just lobbyists and ambassadors of the planet’s they represent following her around and constantly approaching her when she is talking to other representatives to eaves drop on their conversation. They keep trying to reason with her to support them, and that they have the right to form their own coalition. The Jedi were to rendezvous with the Organain ship in secret, but it was taken over by Separatists As the pilots were taking the info to their leaders as proof that Amadala had sold them out. Luckily they intercepted the ship and with Anakin’s help they had stopped the bad guys from exposing Amadala testamony about the Separatists to the Separatists. Anakin explains that being from an outlaying planet, these corporate planets use Tattoonie for labor and pay them nothing. These Separatist want to exploit other Star systems the same way. (NO Boring Senate Meeting) They induct Anakin into the Jedi order and Obiwan is to begin training him. (No Prophecy) Yoda is proud of Obiwan’s progress. Obi is Yoda’s student. They all go Organa, (Obiwan, Mace, maybe Qui-gan, Anakin, and R2) to support the Queen and her people from the Separatists pressure and assault.
    They sneak in to speak to the Queen and find that Sith influence is involved with the Separatists. Then when they confront to Separatists they find that they have a small detachment of about 20 cloned human soldiers with them. (Nice lazer verses saber battle, No goofy Gungans) Anakin personally rescues Amadala from the fighting and immediately he puts the moves on her and she likes him too. They share a kiss. (The Jedi are NOT Forbidding to Love or Marry) But if they do marry they are not allowed to have advanced training. That would conflict with their devotions. You cannot serve 2 masters.

    In part 2 you could have Obi trying to pressure Anakin to not take his relationship with Amadala too seriously, but Anakin has skill and powers and potiential to get a great Jedi Master. Obi insists that because Anakin is so strong with the force, he owns it to himself to reach his fullest potiential. But Anakin is already falling for Padame, and she with him. (Don’t have Anakin be a bad apple from the start. He should be idealistic and smooth and very likable with the ladies.)
    Anyway, as Anakin leads Padame away from the fighting they get confronted by another Sith. Anakin has no light-saber. But must use his skill to fight the Sith. Obiwan sees Anakin fighting then joins him in fighting the Sith. Anakin distracts him while Obiwan fight shim. Mace and Qui-gan run to join but are detained by the soldiers. The Sith is almost cornered and disarmed when he take Anakin hostage. Just as Anakin escapes the Sith is able to kill Qui-gan. Then before being disarmed by Obiwan, Mace, and Anakin, who takes up Qui-gan’s saber, the sith commits suicide.
    At the end Organa is placed under the exclusive protection of the Republic’s Space flight guard, to prevent any retaliation by the Separatists. The Republic and the Jedi are worried about the proliferation of Sith knights and the evidence that the Separatists have clone soldiers already, and maybe planning to move against the Republic if they have enough clone soldiers.

    Part 2 should open with the Separatist’s first all out attack on outlaying Star systems and occupying them as they push their way towards the core systems. This attack comes just a month before the supreme chancellor’s re-election. The Chancellor declares a state of emergency and deploys Republic forces to try to retake the occupied systems. One of the occupied systems is Tattoonie. Anakin has been sending his stipends and allowance to support the family during his early Jedi training.
    Palpatine, Senator of Organa runs for office and criticizes the Chancellor for not acting sooner to reconcile the Separatists or deal with them before this heinous attack. He claims that the Chancellors inaction has led them to war. The Chancellor argues that there may still be time to negotiate with the Separatists; that we need not go to war. But Palpatine argues that we are in a state of war and that we must act now to crush the Separatist movement before it destroys the Republic. Had the chancellor done so earlier, this war would not have engulfed the Republic. The Chancellor disputes that has he acted that way earlier, we would have been plunged into war sooner. War would not have been averted. He argues that Palpatine is war mongering. Plapatine claims that Chancellor is the war monger for threatening the Separatists instead of reconciling them. (Which is what the Chancellor has been doing) Palpatine is using double speak, and has been inciting the Separatists not to reconcile with the Republic and holding off an attack until election time was close.
    Meanwhile Anakin is having meditation lessons with Obiwan. Obiwan explains that when the force is in harmony, it flows like a river, seeping into every corner of existence. Filling all living things up, and where ever the force flows life grows. Obi tells Anakin the force is strong with him because of where he is from. A place that was weak, a place missing life. So the force flowed into him to make life flourish in the desert. The force knows where it is needed. But Yodi interrupts and tells Obi that something is interrupting the flow of the force. Obi agrees they can all feel a disturbance in the force. Something like a great stone is scattering the flow of the force. The force cannot flow freely where it is needed most. The strength of Anakin’s force makes him a good candidate to restore the balance of the force. It seems the force chose him for this. But Anakin is distracted, his mind is on Padame and he worries about his mother under Separatist occupation.

    • NAVE

      Oh? Oh……..oh.

    • DeeBeeCooper

      is there smoke in space? oh well, i guess there wouldn’t be sound or fire in space either, but at least that didn’t ruin eps 4 & 5.

      • Bill

        There can be fire and sound but only for as far as the oxygen that is escaping the space craft can carry it. Smoke has a physical property so it could be in space. The trajectory of moving smoke would move out in a lot of different directions and would appear to dissipate quickly, but it would still be there. It would just be dispersed. Wow, that may have been the clearest thinking I’ve ever posted on the internet. Cats and George Lucas is an ass….. now everything is in balance!

    • DeeBeeCooper

      i was reading your post and then you made me wince strongly with ‘mace windu”, and you completely lost me at ‘quigon’… sorry but samuel jackson should be black-listed from ever appearing in another star wars movie, and so should liam ‘the drunk’ neeson. these 2 were part of the problem with menace.

  • Ari Asulin

    Your Star Trek review where you went to great lengths to defend that fad hacker Abrams was most disappoint.

    I am boycotting all future reviews by you of that particular movie.
    Sorry. Learn your lesson.

    • eddyk

      Nobody cares.

    • Kevin Catlin

      Why did you post a complaint of a Star Trek review on a review of The Phantom Menace? Also, you left the “ing” off of the end of “disappoint”. That makes you look like a retard.
      Sorry. Learn your lesson.

    • http://www.facebook.com/stephen.stempo Stephen Stempo

      So because he thought star trek was mediocre and not aweful you’re boycotting? Abrams is actually a decent director, he even says there’s good action scenes.

      • Baz Hood

        yeah man, abrams is a decent director. shame the writers he’s been working with are unimaginative hacks though. but if he puts lens flare in Star Wars……

  • canrespub

    Is it just me, or did George Lucas forget that the Imperial Senate supported the Rebellion? It sounded like the empire was established through a military or fascist coup, something that Lucas should’ve focussed on in the prequels.

  • http://www.facebook.com/soda.popinski.90 Soda Popinski

    LMAO

  • The Basterd

    anybody who actually liked these films comes from what I like to call the “instant gratification generation” It’s a generation that dislikes things like; plot, exposition, story development, protagonists, antagonists, plot….these things mean shit to this generation because it’s too intangible they want explosions and sparkling vampires and shitty sci fi revamps that don’t hold a candle to the originals because if they did then this generation would find that shit boring as well…

  • John

    Ha, damn, man. 100% spot on obliteration of this terrible shit movie.

  • The Pizza Roll

    Plinkett, you bastard! You will deliver me my fellow brethren, or there WILL be hell to pay! I shall force you to watch the Star Wars Christmas Special if you refuse!

  • nope

    … Ewan McGregor is the main character as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

    I am confused as to what your character point is.

    • NoPantsBaby

      He’s the main character on paper, but he is not integral to anything that actually happens. You could replace him with ANY Jedi if it wasn’t for the 3 originals. Most of his scenes are also not to progress the plot but to whine and bitch.

    • http://www.facebook.com/stephen.stempo Stephen Stempo

      He doesn’t do anything he has no arc. He sits around all movie adds no insight teaches no one anything and is there to get mad and beat darth maul at the end. In fact if you remove him from the movie… nothing changes. Just have qui gon beat maul.

    • jubalbiggs

      Ok, fine. Let’s go with that assumption. So… the MAIN CHARACTER stays behind on the ship on Tatooine and waits while three supporting characters do the entire plot on that planet? Then the MC sits around on Coruscant while the council decides something above his pay-grade and something happens in the Senate and his job is to stand around next to his sensei dude and just look serious. Gee, this is like if Luca Brasi was the main character of the Godfather… thrilling. Obi Wan is a heavy. He is like a bodyguard guy who gets periodically siccced on things. If he actually IS the main character in this movie, that makes it even more lame… if that were possible.

  • http://www.facebook.com/red0991 Mike Ogden

    “Sometimes they’ll even get the girl in the end as icing on the cake”

    Willie Wonka in the corner just made me cry laughing, pure genius.

  • sektor

    I watch this every few months, it is pure gold.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jerry.bender.9849 Jerry Bender

    The 90 second non advertising thing is bullshit. This was my first visit to the site, and if you want to prove it is run by douche bags. Well then well done. Oh, yeah. won’t be back of course.

    • Jean-Michel

      Oh stop it, you can open up the video in VLC or download it with the right tools.

      • Cognitive Schizo

        You know he doesn’t know how to do that. I would bet money he doesn’t even have VLC on his computer

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Olejko/1097421544 Chris Olejko

      you will be sorely missed

    • http://www.facebook.com/stephen.stempo Stephen Stempo

      oh god please dont you guys dare make money!

    • http://www.facebook.com/stephen.stempo Stephen Stempo

      oh yeah and “omg the world revolves around me wah wah wah”

    • http://www.facebook.com/stephen.stempo Stephen Stempo

      oh by the way you should probably send redlettermedia a check. I mean if you’re serious about getting rid of ads. Or do you just thing things you want should be free?

  • PolarMan

    drop the ads damnit. I mean I’m still going to watch, but its annoying as shit

    • AlcaldeEste

      Hey
      These videos are free to watch. You get 15 Mr Plinkett reviews, ~30 hours of Half in the Bag content, 5 feature films, and a bunch of other stuff.
      Do you think all this is free to make? Do you think 100 hours of scripted, edited video with multiple actors and sets just spring into existence on their own? Do you know how stuff works?
      This is all paid for by ads. No ads, no show. So kindly shut up and enjoy the free videos.

  • HIX

    If you guys, the complaining viewers, don’t understand why there are ads before or during the things you want to watch then you probably don’t understand how things work, like at all. You see RLM has to pay for webspace and junk in order to host videos and whatever. They don’t have like some kinda server farm and a satellite in orbit. And since they know you probably don’t want to pay cash every time you want to watch a video then they make you pay the only other way possible, with thirty seconds of your time, time you can spend not paying attention to the ad anyways. You see, companies pay just have the chance to get your attention.

    • Patrick

      Yeah I just installed adblock a week or so ago because I felt like I was going to kill myself if I had to watch another 30 second ad for a 00:00:16 second video on youtube, but I’m going to disable it for RLM’s website since they actually do deserve it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.j.baker.3 Paul J Baker

    I love every Mr Plinkett review. Perceptive, fun and witty. Helps me understand why I despise this crap…

  • Jack P. Coleman

    “It’s time to kill off the Jedi.
    Oh good.”
    xD

  • Daniel

    I was just watching Menace again and was struck by Obi-Wan’s illogical reaction to their first encounter with Darth Maul, just before they leave Tatooine. So Obi-Wan was in the ship expecting the return of his master when suddenly the security guy walks in saying “Qui-Gon is in trouble.” Obi-Wan then calmly (already a huge mistake) walks towards the windshield and sees a guy who has come out of nowhere carrying a light saber and attacking Qui-Gon. Later we learn at the Jedi council that the Sith have been extinct for a thousand years, thus neither Obi-Wan nor Qui-Gon have ever seen one. So what should be going through Obi-Wan’s head when he saw the light saber fight? “Who the fuck is that guy? I probably know him because his is obviously a Jedi knight, but why in the hell would he attack Qui-Gon? What was he doing in the middle of the desert to begin with? I must get out there immediately and find out who is this guy!”. But instead he sits at a chair and says: “Take off. Over there, fly low.” This is probably the first time he has ever seen a light saber duel for real, and he is not even slightly impressed by it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/richard.vandiamondsworth Richard Vandiamondsworth

      It’s hard to keep track of story logic when the finished script is also the first draft, scrawled on the backs of Applebee’s napkins.

  • Daniel

    Another thing about their fight at Tatooine. Why does the probe have to return and report personally to Darth Maul, couldn’t it just send a message? Isn’t the point of having probes to know things without having to actually be there to see them? Why would Darth Maul choose a bike to get to their ship? When he releases the probes it seems he just stands there waiting, so I assume he is close to his ship. The best thing to do would be to get on his ship and blow up the Naboo ship before it takes off, ruining any chances of escape. What if he gets there in the exact moment that they are leaving? He would just stand there in the sand looking stupid, just like he did.
    I know nothing about script writing but I think that if Darth Maul got there in his ship, just moments before they leave tatooine, you could have a quick chase scene before they jump to hyperspace and it would keep the Sith unknown to the Jedi until the fight sequence at Naboo. This would fit well with the council’s choice of sending just two guys back to Naboo, and would add tension to Darth Maul’s revelation at the end.

  • tomgarden

    “Eat lead comy” lol

  • Jeffrey Heesch

    I went out and bought pizza rolls tonight to eat while I watched Plinkett Reviews.

  • Yezzah

    Something that never really occurred to me about Yoda in this movie. It was awkward seeing him involved with politics and handing out titles etc. He was much more of an impactful character when he was a fugitive and tossed aside on a dumpy planet. It was a much better way to show how his power didn’t depend on the typical trappings of the world. To see Yoda all mixed up with political intrigue diminished what made him such a memorable character.

  • Pennsylguy

    “Hmm… I’m bored. What should I do?”

    *Sees Phantom Menace dvd lying around*

    *Makes popcorn*

    *Comes to this review*

    • Cassie

      That’s one expensive coaster you have lying around.

      • TAI…

        There’s many difference between a coaster and The Phantom Menace. One took countless hours of effort, care, and creativity to make, and one is a movie. Ba dum tss

  • MrPotterFanBoy

    Your reviews are always great! You should definitely do a movie review on Harry Potter! Pick the one you think is the worst and do what you do best! I would like to see you do a review on Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 & 2. For some reason , a lot of fans have found it disappointing. Please Consider It! Thanks!!

    • onurb

      STFU

  • Jeff

    Wasn’t Akira Kurosawa originally included in that list of directors?

    • TAI…

      I think Mark Webb should be added in there for his film, the Amazing Spiderman, which broke new grounds. I’ve never seen something quite so 3D.

      • diehounderdoggen

        It was the most “3D” 3D movie I’ve ever seen in 3D. I think other 3D movies filmed in 3D don’t even compare to the 3D-ness of this 3D movie, and Visionary 3D Director Mark Webb deserves some kind of 3D award for his 3D work on 3D movies.

  • Donald

    Is this lord guru!

    • Jebus

      NAAAAIIIILLLL..!

      • Stonewall

        There is an albino Namekian standing behind you.

        ….kill it like the rest.

        • ZombieSlayer85

          Guru: Stand still. It’s your first time, so I’ll be gentle.
          Now relax as I reach DEEP inside you and grab hold of your assets!

          Anakin Skywalker: I… need an adult?

          Guru: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLL-!!!!!!

          • Harry Butters

            “Nail. Don’t take his coat.”

            “Did you tell him to work the shaft? Good work Nail.”

  • Stephen Lomeli

    I need Bill Cosby to buy all rights to Episode I and bury it way beneath wherever he buried the Our Gang/Little Rascals series.

  • Paulis

    The disability to describe Ep 1 characters looked so very fake, while I do agree that they had little character, the problem was that the character they had was stereotypical, either the public that was questioned was faking it to make a point or they haven’t seen the movie properly to speak of it’s characters or just plain silly…

    • SUPERSOUP

      Can YOU describe any of those characters from the prequels without reference to anything physical about them or what they do in the movie?

      Man, I’m sick of kids trying to defend these movies. Everyone thought they were shit when they came out and a reappraisal just continues to confirm how shit they are.

      • JB

        Qui-gon: A stoic, rather serious man who is still a bit of a rebel. He has an innate sense for how people can be helpful, and he’s willing to defy his elders if they disagree

        Padme: A girl thrust into a position of power before she is prepared for it. She tries to be strong for her people, but inside her heart is breaking for the plight of Naboo. She enjoys pretending to be a servant, for the sole reason that she gets to show her emotions

        Obi-Wan: A serious, practical man who tends to look at the Force as more of a tool than a source of guidance. He is not as comfortable with rebellion as his master, and tends to avoid unnecessary risks

        Anakin: A boy growing up in a horrible situation, shielded from the bitter reality of his life by his kind master and loving mother. He’s a dreamer, never satisfied until he’s the best at something

        What was that you were saying?

        • SUPERSOUP

          I don’t know what movie you saw, but those characters certainly weren’t in the one I watched.

        • TAI…

          Hey, I can do it too.

          Qui-Gon: An alcoholic who refuses to go into space rehab against Yoda’s advice. Always fucking up the missions with his lack of common sense.

          Padme: A young girl from a society where they have to lobotomize future royalty, and teach them to be as one dimensional as possible for political reasons.

          Obi-Wan: A whiner who doesn’t really care about anything the Jedi do and has been fighting to get out his whole life. He likes to swing laser swords, though, so he pretends to care.

          Anakin: A bad actor who went insane from slavery to the extent that he runs around yelling yippee while he lives in slavery.

          And I think mine have far more evidence from the movie.

        • enthos

          You’re describing traits. The objective is to describe personality; that’s what makes a character memorable. usually this comes from an actor, but can also come from writing.

          No characters in the prequels are nearly as interesting or memorable as the characters in the originals. To me they just seem like people who do and say things the plot needs them to say, rather than people with motivations; that may not actually be the case, but the problem is THAT’S THE WAY IT COMES ACROSS. And that’s what matters.

        • Mel B Toast

          You’re filling in the gaps yourself–very little of what you describe is on the screen/page. Or it’s just something that happens, without emotional weight. I could say that Qui-Gon loves hot beverages, because he drinks some tea. That doesn’t mean it’s an inherent part of his personality.

          “Qui-gon: A stoic, rather serious man”
          Stoic, serious, and other synonyms: actors delivering dialogue in a monotone with blank faces. Not part of a personality.

          “who is still a bit of a rebel.”
          You mean he has mild disagreements with the Jedi council?

          “He has an innate sense for how people can be helpful”
          He brings characters along who end up being helpful by accident, or for plot convenience. Not the same thing.

          “and he’s willing to defy his elders”
          Same thing as rebellious. Using multiple synonyms does not equal a rich personality. Here’s my description of Qui-Gon: blank, vacant, hollow, impassive, lifeless, empty, stiff, deadpan, inexpressive, mask-like, and poker-faced. What a multifaceted character!

          “Padme: A girl thrust into a position of power” = her gender and occupation

          “before she is prepared for it” = her age

          “she tries to be strong for her people”
          Not shown through dialogue or action.

          “but inside her heart is breaking”
          Not shown through dialogue or action.

          “She enjoys pretending to be a servant”
          Not shown through dialogue or action.

          “for the sole reason that she gets to show her emotions”
          I’ll grant you that she is less stiff in her handmaiden costume. But this idea that she can’t show emotions as a queen makes no sense, and isn’t supported by anything in the movie.

          “Obi-Wan: A serious practical man”
          Yes, every actor in this movie is “serious.”

          “who tends to look at the Force as more of a tool than a source of guidance.”
          I remember zero scenes that indicate this.

          “He is not as comfortable with rebellion as his master, and tends to avoid unnecessary risks”
          You mean he has mild disagreements with Qui-Gon?

          “Anakin: A boy growing up in a horrible situation”
          His gender. And you avoided the word “slave,” but you’re still talking about his occupation.

          “shielded from the bitter reality of his life by his kind master and loving mother.”
          Are you referring to the part where his master yells at him for not working hard enough? Or when Anakin talks about the explosive device in his head?

          “He’s a dreamer,”
          I wouldn’t classify “I don’t want to be a slave” as “a dreamer.”

          “never satisfied until he’s the best at something”
          He’s already a droid engineer and pod racer at age nine. That implies natural intelligence (or midichlorians). We never see him struggle to become the best at anything.

          But he does grow up to become very “serious.”

  • Jonah Falcon

    Heh. Love seeing Jay, Rich, et al in the describe the character part, now that you’ve seen them in Half in the Bag and Best of the Worst.

    • Jonah Falcon

      Rich: “That is going to be fucking impossible because she (Amidala) doesn’t HAVE a character.” hee hee

  • wizdumb

    oh my god this is priceless. so glad I was directed to come here.

  • yanda

    yes the original trilogy was better but come on man it really wasn’t THAT bad. AND no a new hope’s lightsaber battle was in NO WAY more interesting than revenge of the sith’s with obi-wan and Anakin that’s ridiculus. youre also a really weird fucking dude who sounds like a constipated fat guy with down syndrome.

    • wizdumb

      You win the dumbass of the year award

    • woosher

      There are at least 3 different movie reviews on this site that detail exactly how much of an idiot you are.

  • Barry Herbers

    I’m not finished yet (just started part 2), and while this is incredibly well done and entertaining, I think I have a bit of a problem with a pretty large part of the way you’re going about this. There are insights throughout, but it seems like most of this is just pointing out plot holes. Sure, there’s something to be said for plot holes being able to make a movie worse, but it seems like all the video does is point them out. It never explains “why” plot holes are an issue.

    I’m just not sure it’s fair to point at the plot holes as flaws in the movie without explaining why there an issue. I don’t doubt for a second that they ARE in fact an issue in The Phantom Menace, but just pointing them out isn’t really worth doing unless you’re going to explain why you’re pointing them out.

    This is worth reading if anyone’s interested in this particular topic: http://badassdigest.com/2012/10/30/film-crit-hulk-smash-hulk-vs.-plot-holes-and-movie-logic/

    • gest

      Are we watching the same review?

      • Barry Herbers

        I’d certainly hope so, and I absolutely loved this review. I watched the whole thing.

        • Andrew Hagan

          You need someone to explain to you why it’s bad for a piece of fiction to be incoherent and illogical? Really?

          • Barry Herbers

            No, I picked up on that for myself due to other reading, but can you explain it?

          • Andrew Hagan

            That’s like asking someone to explain why the smell of flowers is “better” than the smell of rotten eggs. If you don’t get it, you’re an alien.

          • Barry Herbers

            And yet, this genius of a writer, Film Crit Hulk, wrote an entire essay in an attempt to explain why plot holes really aren’t that bad when used under the proper circumstances: http://badassdigest.com/2012/10/30/film-crit-hulk-smash-hulk-vs.-plot-holes-and-movie-logic/

          • Andrew Hagan

            lol why are you plugging this website so hard?

          • Barry Herbers

            Because it’s mind-blowingly fantastic.

          • tealmm

            It really isn’t though

          • Tob

            AND ITS ARTICLES ARE IN ALL CAPITALS SO YOU KNOW IT HAS SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY

          • Barry Herbers

            I’m glad you discredit information based on the format.

          • Tob

            90% sure this guy is bitter because he’s just Mr.Plinkett’s son.
            http://www.gamnesia.com/member/151

          • Barry Herbers

            I’m not bitter though… I loved the review. What I said above was my only complaint, and if I remember correctly, they ended up addressing it anyway. The plot holes cause confusion when you’re watching the movie, making it more difficult to be invested in what’s going on since you’re always questioning it.

          • Roger Abramson

            A point made elsewhere in these reviews: It’s not necessarily that plot holes take you out of the fun.

            The lack of story and character emotionally distances you from the movie, leaving you bored, picking apart the logical flaws and contrived plot devices.

            Sloppy plot devices inevitably leave plot holes.

            Suddenly, to a sharp-minded viewer, it all becomes insultingly clear: the filmmaker is a hack, cramming a self-indulgent checklist of all the crap he wants to force into his script. It’s all been contrived.

            Flat characters illuminate nothing about life, because hacks care far less for the emotions and lives of his audience than his own cast of cardboard cut-out characters. It’s yet another money grab: another filmmaker with nothing to say and his characters have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

            To those who aren’t dazzled by empty spectacle, who want substance instead of sparklers, there’s nothing behind the theater curtain but a drunken idiot sloppily setting off one bottle rocket after another to the `oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of the witless throng.

            Character-driven stories in the classical, 3-act format don’t need chases or heists or explosions to delight and amaze us.

            Remember the white-knuckle suspense in the first scene in the recent film ‘Drive’? There was more tension in a few seconds waiting at a stop light than an entire James Bond movie.

            In Act 2, a movie tends to bog down. In Empire Strikes Back, Luke ends up in an actual bog with a wise swamp frog who causes him to face himself before his journey can continue. One day, we all have to face ourselves… just like Luke does.

            As they say in ‘The Three Amigos’, each of us has an El Guapo. An inner struggle caused by deep but surmountable imperfection.

            Like ‘My Fair Lady’ or its variations, we witness a make-over story. We go from robot-loving nerds to responsible human beings. The kind of people who would never make a crappy movie like ‘The Phantom Menace’ for the merchandising royalties.

            Hell. Lucas was supposed to be the chosen one. Or something like that.

            By working through Luke’s fundamental inner conflicts and facing the shocking “realities” about himself, along with all the natural twists and turns of the story RESULTING from his flaws, we really feel the moments of transformation through struggle, the growing courage and admire the developing inner strength as if it was our own.

            In Act 2, nothing needs to blow up. He hides out in a swamp while his buddies hide out in a cave. Just a boy and a talking frog.

            We’re not pulled out of the story. We suspend our disbelief, forgive any logical contradictions, and we don’t complain when Yoda doesn’t simply offer to lend Luke his egg-shaped space car or send Obi-Wan’s ghost to go call a tow truck for his X-Wing.

            Creative, brilliant and rational minds are pulled into the plot holes by unrelenting boredom. When we’re entertained and enlightened, we don’t give a damn.

            Hope it helps.

          • Barry Herbers

            Thank you. That’s exactly the kind of reply I was hoping for.

          • Robert Eckert

            It doesn’t appear you understood what Hulk was getting at, then. Hulk is saying that the primary purpose of the plot, however much logic the plot has or fails to have, is to understand the development of the characters. Plinkett is pointing out that the plot holes here are of that particularly ruinous kind which make the characters’ actions random and unmotivated, so that we cannot care what they do or what happens to them.

          • http://Gamnesia.com/ Barry Herbers

            That sounds fair enough to me. I believe it.

    • Albert T. Colon

      Simple logic is the issue… why explain such simplicity? Its scifi / Sci-fantasy…. but the ‘Sci’ stands for science, meaning logic and reason… rules… and if lucas’s billion dollar company cant think straight, pointing it out alone is enough… no need for boring overkill…just point it out…

    • SUPERSOUP

      You missed the bits where he points out where it fails in basic cinematic terms. Or how hollow the characters are.

    • SUPERSOUP

      Or how basic design choices and character actions make no fucking sense. That isn’t the same as pointing out plot holes.

    • assmonkeyhooker

      I shit on your mom’s dick

      • Fuckfartlover

        slut

  • Gborr

    Do you guys know what the greatest joke is? Once you read up on the background of the Trade Federation and all the other background politics and whatnot, the core plot of the movie is actually good. It makes sense in that context.

    The problem is, you see NOTHING of that in the movie. You never get to learn why the Trade Federation is a threat, you never get to know why they have armed ships and droid armies, you never learn the political machinations in the background. Nothing!

    And no, you don’t need several minutes long exposition in the senate to do that either. Here, let me demonstrate:

    *Qui Gon and Obi Wan’s ship gets out of hyperspace and the look upon Naboo and the TF fleet around it*
    Captain: According to the sensors we have three times as much ships as expected. All of them are armed.
    Obi Wan: That’s not an embargo fleet, that is an invasion! What is the Trade Federation doing?
    Qui Gon: What they have been doing in the past few years. They have been using the credits of their corporate allies to lobby in the senate, arm their ships and amass their fleets. Now that money doesn’t do the trick anymore, they try to bully the Republic with brute force.
    Obi Wan: The Republic had grown to complacent in peace.
    Qui Gon: There is no such thing as being too peaceful, but it is true that the Republic doesn’t have the means to defend itself against this aggression.
    *Obi Wan looks over the huge ships as they get ready to dock*
    Obi Wan: I still don’t understand, master. Do they really expect the Republic would give them what they want like this? It makes no sense.
    Qui Gon: No it doesn’t. Not yet. And that worries me.
    Obi Wan: Why?
    Qui Gon: Because that means they have the power to threaten the Republic, the incentive to do so and a plan we know nothing about. It’s the most dangerous combination possible.
    *scene cuts with the hangar doors slowly closing behind the ship*

    BAM! Suddenly the Trade Federation sounds like a genuine threat and all it took was two minutes of expository dialog between the two “lead characters” that doesn’t even sound that forced. Contrast this with George’s approach who just threw thousands of droids onto the screen and thought that was enough.

    • Haitchpeasauce

      And then the battle droids are complete rubbish. Lucas doesn’t give appropriate exposition about the threat, and couldn’t back it up with substantial danger and tension even if he did.

      Everyone in the movie is stupid, so the core plot is driven by idiots, making the core plot stupid too, making the movie maker … well you get it.

      Gborr, you dream of a better movie that was never made, and I’d pay to see that movie.

      • Gborr

        At one point I actually had a checklist of small things that should have been changed to make the Phantom Menace work. Stuff like:

        -Explain the Trade Federation as seen above.
        -Explain that the Naboo queen is actually only a diplomatic figurehead who periodically gets chose from the noble families and stripped from the title at a certain age because of stupid traditions.
        -Make it so that the Trade Federation doesn’t want to kill Qui Gon and Obi wan outright but only bear down on them when they try to snoop around the hangar bay and notice the invasion force.
        -Make Qui Gon very knowledgeable and flexible and make Obi Wan very impulsive with a rigid moral fiber.
        -Keep Jar-Jar, but make him a pained man in exile instead of the silly clown. The funny accent can stay, it works as a juxtaposition.

        -Explain the blockade the way I did somewhere around here (in short: the big ships are only there for interdiction-fields, the atmosphere is patrolled by fighter droids and the battleships are only retrofitted cargo haulers so they don’t have the firepower to stop a fast ship with good shields).
        -Drop the bits with R2D2, especially the “thanking the droid” bit. He should be introduced either on Tatooine (they buy him to help with the repairs of the ship) or when they get back to Naboo as one of the fighter astromech droids Anakin bonds with.

        -Introduce Darth Maul earlier and give him a simple, straightforward backstory of hating the Jedi and stalk the main group for a while.
        -Make Anakin older, at least fourteen. Also make him less wide-eyed innocent and more jaded (he is a slave, for god’s sake!) and show him to be generally nice but manipulative from the get-go. Also make him want to become a Jedi so that he could get away from Tatooine.

        -Drop the “Anakin made C3PO” stupidity. In fact, it would make sense if C3PO was on the queen’s ship (you know, protocol droid?) and he is taken to the planet in case they need translating.
        -Drop the subplot about Qui Gon betting. Instead make Obi Wan do the bets (for money instead of the parts) behind his back and make Qui Gin chastise him for it -> Character development!
        -Keep the midichlorians, but make them into an indicator instead of a means, aka. they are not allowing the use of the Force but are drawn to those strong in the Force. Also, don’t give it a numerical value, instead make Obi Wan say “The boy’s midichlorian count is very high. It’s comparable to Master Yoda’s.” and the Qui Gon respond “Strange. I didn’t feel it in him. He must have great untapped potential.”.

        -Make it so that Padme stays on the ship and she only meets Anakin when he shows up to check the ship and see what parts are needed on Watto’s orders.
        -Make the pod-race shorter and without the whole melodrama about the sabotage and whatnot. Just have Anakin use Watto’s pod-racer and barely win, that’s more than enough tension right there.
        -Make it so that they win enough money to either buy both Anakin and Shmi or only Anakin and all the parts needed, and then make Shmi make the decision to stay behind in order to get her son out of there. Make Qui Gon and Obi Wan promise that they would get back to her.

        -When Darth Maul first attacks the Jedi as they try to leave, have Qui Gon and Obi Wan be confused as hell and act a little sloppy. This is supposed to be the first time they have seen a Sith in generations and they are in no ways trained in direct saber-duels, so they should only barely escape or even get injured a little.
        -Have two important scenes on the ship: Obi Wan bonding with Anakin, as they are not that far apart in age, and have Obi Wan acknowledge his potential and encourage him that the Jedi council would certainly see it as well. The other scene should be between Padme and Jar-Jar where they both voice their feelings of desperation and worry for their people and that they try to uphold a collected and cheery exterior so that they wouldn’t have to think about it.

        -When they get to Coruscant, have multiple scenes detailing Qui Gon looking into the sith in the archives note how Maul seemed to be a skilled fighter yet his saber-technique was unusual and sloppy at times.
        -Have the council refuse to train Anakin on the grounds of age emotional baggage and have Obi Wan protest the decision.
        -When they return to Naboo, have Anakin stove away on the ship because he wants to prove himself. The rest of the scenes kind of work, but with less cutting between them.
        -Have Anakin defy Qui Gon’s order to stay back and instead rush into the battle and get into one of the vacant Naboo fighters, originally planning to use the ship’s cannons to shoot at the droids on the ground, but then R2 gets attached and so Anakin gets the idea to actually follow the formation and fly the thing.

        -When Darth Maul shows up, make the jedi have a little “oh crap!” moment, especially when he shows up his double-blader. Have Qui Gon note that it is just as he feared and that it is a type of lightsaber that was designed for duels between Force users, so he tells Obi Wan to make sure their attacks are synchronized so that they can keep him off-balance and won’t have to fight one on one,
        -In space, have Anakin realize that the droid control ship’s shields momentarily shit down around the hangar when it dispatches new fighters and make him use the window of opportunity to fly in, fire all his proton torpedoes. The hit a reactor (just like in the actual movie) that temporarily disables the shields and disrupts the droids, giving the other fighters enough time to bombard the core of the ship and blow it up.
        -In the fight between the two jedi and Maul, have things play out similarly, except at the end Maul separates them and starts sadistically mincing up the limbs of Qui Gon and then impaling him when he is only the ground, enraging Obi Wan. Then have Obi Wan rush in, bashing Maul over and over with his saber like it was a baseball bat, but then Maul starts to play with him as well, injuring his leg. The pain makes Obi Wan momentarily focus, remembering Qui Gon’s note about how the sith’s technique with a single blade was sloppy, and in a sudden spark of inspiration he lunges up, force-pulls the fallen jedi’s saber, and while blocking with his own he uses it to cut the hilt of Maul’s saber in half. Not expecting this, Maul stumbles backwards, and then drops one of the half-sabers, but by that time Obi Wan uses the two blades in his hands to slice him in half while he is too distracted to defend properly, the force-pushes the two halves into the pit with a roar.

        -Have the ending play out as in the movie, with the Jadi council grudgingly allowing Obi Wan to train Anakin after he is promoted, and then end with the two of them returning to Tatooine to free Shmi. Once they free her, she says she want to stay behind because all her friends are here, so she says goodbye to Anakin who is already in a robe at this point and promises her that by the next time she sees him, he is going to be the greatest jedi who ever lived, and cue credits while the camera pans up to the twin suns and creating a thematic bridge with Luke leaving his old life behind in New Hope.

        BAM, there you go, a tolerable movie right there.

        • Lnldzn

          Wow Gborr, I can see this movie play in my mind while I’m reading your comment… and it’s way better than Lucas’ version! I wish it were made someday, I’d pay to watch it. Hats off to you! :)

        • Lnldzn

          Oh, and here’s my own suggestion of an improvement: change the viceroys from the bumbling idiots they are into something more worthy of carrying out the main villain’s plan.

          Or, if you really want them to stay the way they are, make it absolutely clear that it’s Darth Maul who’s actually calling the shots on the ground and that the viceroys are only tools, acting as a front for the sith – maybe even have Maul show some impatience at their incompetence?

          Because as things stand in the movie, you have a shadowy figure trying to carry out an overly complicated plan with the worst hench people imaginable, which doesn’t say much for his overall quality as a competent villain. It’s just a pair of idiots getting beaten by another bunch of even bigger idiots. There’s no emotional involvement in taking the Federation down,

    • Jack

      Dude, you still kinda missed the point. We get TOLD how dangerous this MIGHT be. Doesn’t compare to beginning your movie with a Storm Trooper battle and a Darth Vader throat cuddle.

      • Gborr

        Hey, I’m just working with what I got! If it was depending on me, I would have started the movie at the Naboo capital itself, with the droid armies marching down on the streets. Maybe show a few frightened women and children peeking through windows while the droids mechanically march down the street, there could even be some fires and wrecks littering the streetside, aftermath of the battle, etc.

        Then cut to the droid army finally taking the palace, and then have Nute Gunray (possibly accompanied by Darth Maul) capture Padme and then when they get to her, have Qui Gon and Obi Wan rescue her in the nick of time and then they would have to hide out (possibly in the swamp with the gungans). This way there would have been a immediate representation of the power of the droid army, Darth Maul could have proved an adversary for the Jedi from the very beginning, there would have been no Jar-Jar and all the nonsense in the first ten minutes of the movie, etc. etc. etc.
        But then again, that would require rewriting the entire script from the get-go, and as I said somewhere around here, when I wrote up these ideas my main goal was to tweak the already existing content in a way to show how easy it would have been to fix things with just a minimal amount of care.

      • JJtoob

        Agreed, but is still better than what we got by a long shot.

  • Japneet Dhaliwal

    That blockade was also completely useless. Blockades are supposed to surround the area, that blockade on the other hand was like a ring in Saturn, They could escape from literally ANY other direction.

    • Gborr

      And again, do you know how easy is that to explain? Interdiction fields!

      They are used to create artificial gravity wells and stop ships from escaping an area of engagement by hyperdrive or even pull them out of hyperspace, and the technology have existed for thousands of years at this point (it’s used by Malak in KotOR to intercept the Ebon Hawk at one point). All Lucas had to do was inserting this simple line into any of the dialog either during the very beginning or when they try to escape Naboo the first time:

      Qui Gon: The ships orbiting around the equator use interdiction fields to stop any large ships from entering or leaving the system while the fighter droids are patrolling the rest of the space around the planet to hunt down small ships trying to smuggle supplies. However, that also means that they have no fighters around the ships themselves, and those are only armed freighters, so we could break through with a small and fast ship by flying right at them and leave interdiction range before they could scramble more fighters.

      BAM, stupid blockade is solved. George Lucas – Random asshat on the internet: 0 – 1

      • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/his-divine-shadow His Shadow

        Clarify. Is Lucas now the random asshat on the internet for not bothering to plug these holes with the most basic of expository dialogue?

        • Moeskido

          I miss Gary Kurtz. He was probably one of only two people who could keep Lucas from disappearing up his own ass.

          • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/his-divine-shadow His Shadow

            Plinkett uses a phrase at one point in his review; “Art thru Adversity”. Getting the original Trilogy made was difficult and problematic, the original certainly the most difficult. Lucas was surrounded by industry professionals whose job was to make these productions work, and to add insight, direction and ideas along the way.

            Lucas was surrounded by sycophants and yes-men for the Prequels and it shows. He sat on his ass with his coffee and his monitors. The paucity of the result is obvious.

          • Moeskido

            Plinkett’s a smart man who has genuine standards for good storytelling.

            One of Lucasfilm’s many mistakes was in allowing consumers to actually view the production process in the DVD extras. Watching Lucas’ department chiefs repeatedly swap nervous glances while they nod enthusiastically at his every change-of-mind about non-story details, reminds me of nothing less than outtakes from “The Office.”

        • Gborr

          The random asshat was supposed to be me, a random guy from the net who could still do a better job at pluggin up said plot-holes from his arm-chair while Lucas supposedly had his “directing genius” and a hundred assistants and still failed to do so. So yeah, I still hold that 0-1 score. :P

          • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/his-divine-shadow His Shadow

            Perfect.

      • Thanatos2k

        Worf: “The moon’s gravitational field obscured our hyperspace signature. The trade federation did not detect us”

  • lostboy408

    what the hell is with this guy’s voice?

    • Haitchpeasauce

      Polio ruined his childhood.

      Welcome to Plinkett.

      • lostboy408

        oh! i’m sorry then. i didn’t know, i actually thought it was a joke or something

        • Derrick Cryderman

          >_> really?

        • Fucko

          O my jesus fuckballs.

          • lostboy408

            Clearly sarcasm is not understood here.

        • The video boab oyedivuth

          Now I understand why people on Tumblr complain about Plinkett… They actually think it’s a real person.

          • Marvin Falz

            I remember that some people on YouTube thought that Nadine was trapped in Plinkett’s basement for real.

  • TAI…

    These characters are easy to describe!

    Qui-Gon: An alcoholic who refuses to go into space rehab against Yoda’s advice. Always fucking up the missions with his lack of common sense.

    Padme: A young girl from a society where they have to lobotomize future royalty, and teach them to be as one dimensional as possible for political reasons.

    Obi-Wan: A whiner who doesn’t really care about anything the Jedi do and has been fighting to get out his whole life. He likes to swing laser swords, though, so he pretends to care….infrequently.

    Anakin: A bad actor who went insane from slavery to the extent that he runs around yelling yippee while he lives in slavery.

  • LickenzeeBallz

    this shit is hilarious and also pretty real…episode 1 sucked fat dick and this guy hit the nail on the head for almost every thing he griped about. id rather watch this than the actual movie

  • Max

    Look mate, you’re making a whole lot of good points and you know what the hell are you talking about… But your video is unwatchable! I won’t go as far as to suggest it’s worse than the prequels (don’t want to end up in your basement) but god damn! Drink a fucking coffee before recording your voice! I honestly forced myself to watch half of the first part because yes, you make sense and help me learn a lot about storytelling, but your voice sounds like an overworked Wallmart clerk who just wants to finish his shift and ho the hell home! I find your voice utterly painful to listen to, if you can’t get any more energetic even with a shot of amphetamine, ASK SOMEONE TO RECORD IT FOR YOU! When the scene in the basement rolled in I was both bored, tired of listening to you and embarassed by watching how you jar-jar-ly try to shove in several jokes about your basement! Dude, you’re NOT funny. I clicked a link on Cracked hoping it’s an article to read. Was disappointed seeing it’s just videos, but then decided to try and watch it and… Please, put it in an article form, maybe decorated with pictures or videos, beacause the video you’ve put together is just unwatchable!

    Ps. At least for me, others seem to enjoy it so I’m just gonna assume I’m the fucked up one.

    • Tyrone D.

      NO! You’re an idiot, firstly, and I don’t want you ruining Cracked’s basically good reputation by giving the impression that only folks who don’t understand sarcasm like you read their articles. Go home, find a sense of humor, and come back later.

      • Max

        Okay, I may not have been clear and probably a bit drunk too (for which I apologize). My main point was not that it was unfunny (tho I still think the scene in basement was useless) but that the voice made it really difficult to watch. It felt uninterested and boring regardless of what it was saying.

        And, hoping this will let me avoid dealing with people like you, I specifically added the PS. Go ahead and read it.

        By the way, second part was much better, maybe because I got used to the voice. But I still upheld what I said before: I absolutely hated the voice and found it hard to focus on the words. That is my opinion and if you have a problem with it, well, your problem. But I do apologize for the way I have expressed it, it was a bit over the top. I was just tired of listening to someone who didn’t seem like he even cared about what was he saying, sounding tired and bored himself and so when it got to the basement scene, I could not hold it anymore.

        Again, I was quite drunk and went too far, I apologize, especially since the videos does raise many valid points. I just felt sad it was recorded in a way I found hard to listen. (and was drunk, which was sad too)

        • Baron Teapot

          He’s putting on a voice deliberately – if you watch the ‘Half in the Bag’ videos, you’ll hear his normal voice. It’s the character of Mr. Plinkett.

          Sucks that you found it un-watchable; you’re missing out! :-)

          • Max

            Well, I did watch it all. It’s just I would have enjoyed it more if I was hearing enthusiastic voice rather than someone who didn’t even seem interested in what he was saying. Had the same with ‘Why Twilight is so popular’, video based on article by The Oatmeal – they are talking about cool stuff (‘cool’ as in ‘lashing stupid shit’) but find it hard to focus on what they are saying.

          • TapewormBike

            I find the fact that this discusion is on here baffling.

          • wikiality

            You’re not going to get enthusiasm over Twilight or Phantom Menace from the community you seek.

        • wikiality

          Because videos do not change because you can’t stand them. I would like nearly every gaming review made after 2007 to be reshot with a non-annoying female or a non-faux-radio-voice-douche because apparently G4 has solidified in people’s minds what gamers want in a game review is chirpy annoying girls reading lines with no intelligence behind their eyes or extremely annoying “wacky” radio voices that just sound douchy talking about Nintendo Power tips as if they’re un-Googleable at this point. You either hear Vidya Voodoo organically which is usually made up or wrong, or you get in from a source which may contain spoilers and is less bad ass, doing a combination of both very badly is counter intuitive to gaming culture. Of course I would like this but it’s just not happening because the fans of the Nostalgia Chick website and similar somesuch things don’t care it’s complete crap, it’s being made for them. Crossover episodes of web communities is when it can get really annoying super quick. Watching Alton Brown on whatever lameass “nerd cooking” show he was on is pretty much the epitome of everything I hate in the world, but they will continue to churn on that garbage because people like you just want to see mildly attractive people dressed up like what the kids of a corporate executive would think nerds look like make pop culture references.

          The internet is not made for you, you have to make the internet. If you can’t generate content and you hate the content generated, get off the internet. You probably ignored it’s existence for the past 20 years and now you want it to do your bidding now that “work forced you to use it” even though that sounds like “I heard about a thing called internet porno yesterday” to everyone else.

      • wikiality

        Ha! Cracked has a good reputation for being another Diet Internet site that spreads this cancer like this in the first place. This is exactly what you expect from any place that spoonfeeds you “humor” without trying and it shows. It’s no better than those chain emails you used to get full of oh-so-funny “jokes” that also missed the point because the were failed references, rewrites of better jokes, or entirely superficial and not funny without a history to it.

        I’m wasting my time. Top 25 Reasons People Who Like Aggregators Are Complete Morons

        • Empiroar

          Gooood, goooood, let the butt hurt flow through you!!

          • wikiality

            Should I not be butthurt that places like Buzzfeed and their userbase takes them seriously? It would be so much better if at the very least the people who run Buzzfeed and the like knew they were regurgitating shit they don’t understand to amuse the dumb masses who understand that shit even less?

            I have engaged mode “rabid fanboi” for subject “Mike Stoklasa” sometime two days ago.

    • Jen

      It is apparent that you only expect to learn things from polished black-on-white discursive essays and perfect recordings of radio-voiced presenters.You missed the point entirely my friend, so I’ll spell it out for you. Mike Stoklasa and Jay Bauman are talented filmmakers who make informed decisions when expressing their subject matter.
      Presenting your thoughts, even if you barely have an ounce of creativity, should mean considering aesthetics and audience. The mode in which you present content can be as important to your point as what you say, and from this combination the audience derives meaning.

      You don’t get a pizza roll.

    • dorelas

      @Max its an act you ignorant noob. At least do some minimum research on the redlettermedia before you fumble with your keyboard.

    • MomoTheCow

      Fresh fish. Fresh fish.

    • DarkSoulsSauron

      it’s a persona / character act. it’s done on purpose.

    • Ikari Rapeman

      shit you’re stupid

    • wikiality

      You aint from ’round these parts of the internets here are ya boy? Heh heh heh.

      We do things a bit diff’rently than you’re used to in the fancy big friendly joke aggregators. All sittin up there with them old media backing. We don’t take kindly to those who don’t take kindly to having to figure something out on a deeper level or are god forbid forced to think. I don’t like it, these here boys don’t like it, and The Gimp over here really don’t like it, and I don’t like to see him upset. Come on Gimpy…leave the poor noob alone he aint doin nothing..I said stay down Gimp! Sorry, he really don’t like strangers.

  • Guest

    I wish I could get away with copying work in school by saying “It’s like poetry, they rhyme”, or if the teacher criticizes my work, I can just say “It’s stylistically designed to be that way”.

  • Andrew Herlihy

    What’s so ironic is that I remember all of the characters much better because of his review. Otherwise they were all entirely forgettable. I just remember hating Jar jar as a teen. Keep the comedic relief to robots…

    • Marvin Falz

      I’ve never seen so clearly until now: the most memorable figures and scenes are those that made me feel hatred.

    • Alex Lee

      Another irony is that by the character test, Jar Jar is actually one of the stronger characters; he’s the comic relief, he’s goofy, he’s foolish, and he’s bumbling. When you compare him to Queen Amidala or Captain Panaka or Shimi Skywalker, all of whom can’t be described outside of their roles.

      Jar Jar is a character people hate, but he’s not technically poorly characterized. It’s a bizarre difference, but that’s the conclusion we’re left with when performing this test.

      • Mayra S. Menezes

        Panaka in portuguese means Dork.
        Captain Dork was a comic relief in Brazil…-.-

        • TapewormBike

          It is pretty close to czech expression for “shot of booze”, so, theres your idea for a drinking game – slam one down whenever captain Dork shows up.

      • TapewormBike

        I remember it blowing my mind when Mike points that out in the Plinkett Phantom Menace commentary. Jar Jar is the only one with proper arc. God,he might be key to all of this.

        • Marvin Falz

          Jar Jar is the other part of the Phantom Menace – the first being Palpatine – because he’s the idiot who falls for Palpatine’s suggestion to propose “that the Senate
          gives immediate emergency powers to
          the Supreme Chancellor”. Jar Jar proposal introduces a turning point from which everything in the Republic gets worse very fast.

      • Robert Eckert

        “Captain Panaka”? Some characters I can’t even describe inside their roles.

        • Alex Lee

          He’s a captain…that’s it.

    • Jason

      Jar Jar is actually what saved this movie on initial reception. He’s so awful that he became the focal point for everyone’s hatred. Everyone left the theatre thinking “you know, if that stupid Jar Jar wasn’t in it, this movie probably would’ve been good”. He was just so over-the-top bad that all the other, more subtly bad things in the movie, seemed good by comparison. It wasn’t until the second and third movie, which had less Jar Jar, that people realized how wrong they were.

  • Sébastien St-Pierre Robert

    You know what to do!

  • I Shot J.R

    “Stay back coppers, I’m packin’ heat!”

    That was so 70′s b-movie.

  • Anders

    Changed my life it did, gave me more lush hair too

  • Constantine1985

    Anyone else having trouble loading these vidz on an Ipad?

    • Anders

      Yep, but so far, only these

  • jedidethfreak

    What is it with Ricks?

    • TapewormBike

      They might be huge dicks

  • Alfie McDonald

    I skipped school on May 21, 1999 to go see this stupid movie.

    • Sir Christopher McFarlane

      This movie may be among the worst, but it’s not school bad.

  • Marvin Falz

    Yes, you can say that. The ones that made me feel something with “Mesa going home!” being the absolute lowpoint, followed by “I’m a person and my name is Anakin” and Jar-Jar’s great military tactic of stumbling around with a battle droid clinging to his leg and the stupid thank-you-R2-D2 scene. But there is one very short part of the movie I associate with a feeling of awe and that is in the opening scene when we see the half-eaten donut in front of Naboo in a full shot and from slightly above.

  • TapewormBike

    We basicly took like a family trip to cinema and it was a huge fucking thing, since we did not do that so often. The only other time I remember was going to The Lost World. Man, my parents mightve been trying to ruin my childhood while I was experiencing it.

    • Michael Roper

      I remember going to taco bell to play their star wars version of the monopoly with my family. Then we went to watch the film. I was too young at the time to really stop and think about what was going on during the film. Just flashing colors that kept me quiet I guess.

  • Alex Lee

    It kinda defeats the purpose of a body double when you’re in the same room as they are. Great plan there, Padme.

  • TapewormBike

    I’m the same with work. And I bet output from both of us sucks. Thank you Redlettermedia!

  • Sir Christopher McFarlane

    Too bad they don’t make Plinkett reviews any more.

    • Reuben Isuck Andsodoyou

      What do you mean? Don’t they still make them, just every now and again?

    • TheHaggisHunter

      its better to get half in the bag often than wait 6 months for a plinkett review

  • Alex Lee

    “Qui Gonn Jinn.”

    “I don’t remember that character.”

    And he gets the most screen time of any character.

    • TapewormBike

      Most of the things concerning prequels are now just..sad.

  • Alex Lee

    I have to wonder why not one ship in orbit is firing from the sky to rain death on the Gungan army. It’d be like setting ants on fire. What was the point of deploying an army to stop the Gungas if they could do that? It’s not like all the ships were trying to defend the Droid Control ship because the key ship is left alone.

    • TapewormBike

      I also always wondered where did the Gungoons get all their war equipment, since it clearly was designed for on ground warfare, while the Gungitos are underwater creatures Yes, it looked shell like, but they rode bipedal creatures and had freaking catapults. So, either The Gung Show have like a stash of stuff on the mainland, or they had to drag all of it from the bottom of the lake where they keep it in case someone attacks the land and they decide to defend it, thus blowing their cover themselves.

  • TapewormBike

    I agree and it probably at some stage was totally intentional, since Lucas was all about the “seeing the big drama through eyes of a small pawn” stuff. Since C3P0 and R2D2 were just that in previous movies, including them made that intention very very muddy.

    That being said, of course, the execution of that idea..well, executed that idea. Just as with other characters, for example the ideally terrifiying enemy who truly represents how powerful and thus seductive the dark side is,, only to show us the tragedy of selfish lust for power – Count Dooku, who I usually forget even is in the third movie.

    Mike calls Lucas a simpleton quite often, but what he truly is, is a child. Richie Rich, who got lucky when his imaginative pretend play gripped attention of other children and was then handled by adults (a literal father figure, Lucas teacher Irvin Kershner and others). When nobody opposed him, he just sat in the corner with his action figures, went pew pew pew and people paid millions to watch the sexless preteen idea of a tragedy.

  • boodomi

    The sad truth is that Phantom Menace is the best of the prequels.
    I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

    • Marvin Falz

      No need to feel sorry in my case. I’ve stopped caring about the prequels a long time ago.

    • Alex Lee

      The best thing about the Phantom Menace is that you can forget everything that happens in it and it won’t affect the prequels in the slightest. II and III are-unfortunately-necessary to the original trilogy.

  • manctofu

    People criticising these reviews by stating that the original movies also had plot holes have missed the point.

    The point is that plot holes can be forgotten, or skimmed over, if the characters and story are engaging enough. When characters are sitting around spouting boring political dialogue that doesn’t make sense; jumping around in perfectly-choregraphed fight scenes; or ‘fighting’ with utterly pointless enemies that present no threat whatsoever – then the tension is removed. If the tension is removed, the problems with the plot come into sharper focus. After that it gets harder and harder to ignore them. Coupled with stupid dialogue, stupid characters and stupid action, the problems compound until it’s just one big mess (yes, I’ve paraphrased Plinkett there).

    On a separate note, reading the IMDB message boards it’s become clear to me that ‘plot hole’ is something people say when they mean ‘something I don’t like about the movie’, but want to sound more clever.

  • True Star Wars fan

    i wonder if lucas has even seen these reviews cause ALL the prequals ARE ABSOLUTE SHIT

  • filthyblakraven

    Shut up you blubbering pussy.

  • TapewormBike

    I know that the thing you are watching is called “a screen”, but you really do not have to project yourselve so hard.

  • Kubrick’s Rube

    Rick McCallum: let it go man, that fight is over and you lost…. move on.

  • TapewormBike

    I would like to have Jake Lloyds commentary, because I know he grew up to be a kinda funny cynical bastard (honestly, I am amazed HE did not murder children in his twenties)

    • Jason

      I think it would be too traumatic of an experience for him. You may as well ask a rape victim to watch the surveillance footage of them being repeatedly mouth and ass raped by George Lucas over the course of 90 minutes when they were just 10 years old.

      • TapewormBike

        I agree, although I think you misspelled “Woody Allen”.

  • StarTrekSucks

    The Phantom Menace just lookslike some amateurs impression of what a Star Wars prequel would look like.

    Qui-Gon = The slightly younger Ben Kenobi
    Anakin = A 7-year old Luke
    Padme = A Princess Leia still on Alderaan before going on the Death Star
    Obi-Wan = What Anakin Skywalker might looked/been like
    Darth Maul = Vader before/without the mask and helmet
    Darth Sidious = The Emperor before stardom and fame

    What’s worst too is that the name, The Phantom Menace, implies that there’s some sort of Force Ghost menace or something like that. It also makes it look like Lucas is calling the original trilogy some sort of menace, and the fact that its a prequel shows Lucas’ desperation to erase that memory by smearing Darth Maul’s stupid facepaint all over the images of the originals.

    • Kirk Clarke

      I personally think it’s a clever title; the darkside is a dangerous quality that disappeared for a long time which can’t not exist because it is always possible to fall down that dark path. Just because the title has ‘phantom’ or ‘ghost’ in the title doesn’t imply there should be ghosts in the story. The threatening quality i.e. the darkside, can be like a ghost.
      Also Darth Maul is exactly what the Jedi have been expecting, because of what he represents. That’s probably why his face was shown.

  • Thanatos2k

    The real reason the bet makes no sense whatsoever is that Qui Gon Booze adds the pod as a bet against Anakin, as if he would give the pod to Watto if he lost.

    But that makes no sense, as pretty much every pod that loses the race is COMPLETELY DESTROYED. Seriously, do any of them besides Anakin make it to the finish line? What was Watto going to win again if Anakin lost the race? (And likely would die in the horrible explosion?)

  • Nem

    I’m ashamed to say it took me until a week ago to realize Jake Llyod was mispronouncing “Coruscant” because he learned it through text..

    • Alex Lee

      Seeing as how Lucas called the Gungans “Goongas,” mispronoucing that word doesn’t seem to matter really.

  • Marvin Falz

    Okay, so I said that I don’t care about the prequels anymore. But I’m still disgusted whenever I discover another rhyme.
    Vader tells Tarkin that “he is here”. Tarkin believes that Obi-Wan “surely [he] must be dead by now”. My eyes are rolling. I’m beginning to believe that “They must be dead by now. Destroy what’s left of them” became the work motto for the productions of Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Lucky for us that the real and only Star Wars saga is holy and immortal and its purity being protected by its fans.

  • Annie Stone

    I really loved all the prequels so much more than the old star wars movies because they were old and now the prequels are starting to get old so i don’t like them that much any more.

    • dollar store cashier wife

      Hey annie.you don’t look 18 yet based on your profile but when you do get there…call me mkay?

    • Zack Tisdale

      Obvious troll is obvious.

  • Admiral Bone-to-Pick

    Yeah, but like the Phantom Menace, Paradise Lost is totally convoluted and confusing and doesn’t make a lot of sense. If the phrase “plot holes” had existed in the seventeenth century, then someone like Plinkett would probably have printed lengthy pamphlets on the subject.

    • Alex Lee

      I know what you mean. When I was reading book 3, I kept thinking to myself, “God? Who do you think you are? Palpatine?”

  • Erin D Lindsey

    I like these videos because I think they not only demonstrate that the prequels’ story and characters were inferior to the original trilogy, but that the prequels were inferior on a technical and directorial level as well. I think they help people who may have had difficulty verbalizing exactly why they didn’t like the prequels as much (as opposed to “they just sucked.”)

    • Erin D Lindsey

      Also PIZZA ROLLS.

  • Yezzir!

    “People who alter or destroy works of art and cultural heritage for profit, or as an exercise of power, are barbarians.” – George Lucas, 1988

    • TapewormBike

      Maybe (just saying) George (as opposed to Paul) actually IS dead and was replaced by a heartless bastard, sometime in the late 80s, early 90s.

    • Alex Lee

      “You said it brother. Wait, you said that?!”

      Harry S. Plinkett.

  • Culture Vulture

    A week ago I went on the official Star Wars wikipedia and added a little bit to the Episode I page mentioning this review. Unfortunately they got rid of my addition because the felt that it contributed nothing to people’s understanding of the critical reception of the movie.. But somehow all of the misguided praise of Episode I did contribute to peoples understanding.. Some fanboys are a little hurt it seems..

    • dollar store cashier wife

      watch j.j. make mediocre new star wars films and see the rise of deaths from fanboy masturbation.

      • Kwisatz Haderach

        Or… maybe, with a lot of help from Michael Arndt and Lawrence Kasdan, he’ll make a great film that will restore the franchise to its former glory. Hey, let’s keep a little optimism here!

        • dollar store cashier wife

          The only thing that I’m absolutely sure that will be good is Williams score.I mean he managed to create amazing music even when his inspiration was the utter shite that is the prequels.

        • shanebroughton

          J.J. Abrams is a hack, unfortunately. Hoping for the best but expecting more sensational junk a la Star Trek.

          • Jack Brown

            Amen to that. Star Trek which has always shows great stories of new cultures, exploration, space confrontation and racism has twice now been blown up into a non-sensical two-hour action flick

  • Alex Lee

    I found yet another way this movie fails.

    So, I was watching Gamesters of Triskelion and I saw another way Episode I fails. In that episode, Kirk, Uhura, and Chekov are enslaved and are forced to wear shock collars to fight as gladiators. Even Star Trek, a show that spent about 30 dollars on wardrobe, handled the whole enslavement thing better than the exploding chip in a multimillion dollar production.

  • Alex Lee

    “Sir! They’ve gone up the ventilation shaft!”

    Can’t you just start pumping in gas? You know, like what you did with the ventilation shafts in the conference room? Doesn’t the thing with the mouth face have any initiative?

    • http://davidemeron.com/ David Emeron

      Very good point!

  • Forever

    I don’t know if they knew this while making these, but Lucas originally wanted to call the Nemoidians “S’hatna’rians”

  • bringmeknitting

    Well I know one thing, I find the Plinkett reviews far more entertaining and satisfying than the prequels themselves. George Lucas. Came up with two great ideas and (initially) two great trilogies. Should have then retired and left well alone. Actually, I was half-expecting the prequels to be disappointing – it’s all the screwing about with the original trilogy that I find truly offensive. Which Lucas then compounds by insulting all the millions who loved the original films by saying “sorry you liked my incomplete vision” or some such patronising bollocks…

    Okay yes, I shouldn’t care, and I can ignore the prequels, but it seems I’m not even allowed to enjoy the original films as they were anymore.

    It’s like Floyd changing Dark Side of the Moon or the Beatles changing Revolver. Or, if you don’t like those records, pick a classic album you love as applicable ;)

  • Canadian Guy

    You totally ruined this masterpiece for me. I saw this movie and fell in love with Merica. Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Ian McDiarmid, Pernilla August, Oliver Ford Davies, Hugh Quarshie, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Keira Knightly, that guy who’s the stepson of Michal York, and all those other great Merican talents, who came together to make the greatest Merican movie ever written. You fucking ruined it for me.

    • shanebroughton

      LOL, most of the cast is from the UK.

      • Canadian Guy

        I know. I’m just being an ironic dumb-ass for effect. What was it that
        Obiwan McGregor reportedly said? Oh yeah “I really want to play Princess
        Leia. Stick some big pastries on my head. Now that would be
        interesting.”

        The Phantom Menace review is one of the finest
        critiques of a movie ever done. It is a masterpiece. It is undeniably
        more entertaining than the prequels, most science fiction movies, and
        the vast majority of movies generally. Its the Citizen Kane of movie
        reviews. For years I struggled through a living hell of emotional suffering, regret, depression and self-depreciation and had no one to voice my emotional suffering. Red Letter Media took a weight off my shoulders, picked me up off the floor and showed me a better world – a world that made sense of the senseless crimes of George Lucas.

  • Canadian Guy

    Did you know that George Walton Lucas, Jr was raised on a nut farm? A
    real nut farm. He lived in a house on a nut farm. He grew nuts.

    • ident

      Please tell me he had moisture vaporators on that farm.

      • Canadian Guy

        His soul evaporated on that farm. Does that count?

  • Jack Brown

    Describe Qui-Gon Jinn in (using your pre-requisites)

    He is someone who is at a constant struggle with himself. He agrees with the principles of his faith and is loyal to it, but also goes against it’s restrictions. Someone who sees what has to be done and simply does it. IF there’s consequences later he’ll accept them, but he got the job done. Kind at heart, empathising with those around him and a guiding father-figure to Obi-wan he is the master you’d come to for advice or help.

    For the record the description your video gave of Han Solo was very weak. He is a great character and they could have came up with more than “scoundrel, good-looking and kind at heart”

    I love all the Star Wars movies prequels included as we saw the originals that introduced us to the world and it’s rules, with references to the events of the past. This meant that essentially there couldn’t be as much drama as we knew how the prequels would play out. We knew the emperor would take over and form the empire. You watch the prequels to se just how that unfolds. As for who is the main character, I’d say Obi-wan. We don’t experience it through his perspective as it’s more of a third-person movie but Obi-wan has encounters with everyone else and even emotional reactions with them. As a jedi he doesn’t (can’t) throw out tears, but shows concern out his master defying the council (Ob-wan is a by-the-book Jedi) but also loyalty as he cares deeply for his master (seen in the end when Jinn dies and Obi-wan gets mad and avenges him in what may be the best dual of the series) he is worried about Anakin, trusting the council’s view that he is dangerous but ultimately deciding to train him because it was Jinn’s last request. This shows an ARC as it’s the first time Obi-Wan has been willing to defy the council (and with the knowledge of the originals we know the mistake that it is to train him and that he’ll be the death of the Jedi) so we are seeing the beginning of the end.

    By the way I don’t get the retarded voice in the video (that I hope is an act for the video) and the mispronunciation of protagonist.

    I work in Film/TV as an editor and have my degree in Screen Arts and while i can say your basic formula does suit sic-fi and fantasy best as we need a relatable character to guide us through, it is not essential. AS long as the rules of the world are clearly established (As they were with the originals/opening titles/opening scene) then we have a context to put these character into.

    • Alex Lee

      I’m going to treat this comment as if it isn’t trolling for the sake of argument.

      Obi-wan doesn’t do anything in this movie though. He’s in the background following orders, and that means he can’t be the main character in this story because he isn’t really interacting with other characters; Qui-Gonn does. Qui-Gonn’s the one that makes the plans, makes suggestions, and performs most of the actions-especially when it comes to Anakin-in the movie. Obi-wan does none of these things, and he barely reacts to the world around him because he’s on the ship or driving the submarine or something. There’s also the fact that Qui-Gonn gets the most screen time of any character in the movie.

      Now, I get the feeling that Lucas was writing a Sanjuro character. For those who never saw Yojimbo or Sanjuro, this character was a bearded, conniving master swordsman who was secretive about his feelings and helped the weak in a weird and roundabout way. The reason why Sanjuro works, but Qui-Gonn doesn’t is that the use of the term “Knight” implies nobility, honesty, and forthrightedness. This problem is further compounded by the inherent duality of the Star Wars universe where Good and Evil are pretty clearly defined. In contrast, Yojimbo and Sanjuro are a little bit fuzzier on the subject and certainly wasn’t one of the main themes of those movies anyway.

      • ident

        Agreed. Put simply, Obi-wan lacks agency. He’s a subordinate, he followed orders, he took little to no initiative. I can’t imagine a reasonable argument for him to be the protagonist.

        And the idea that Obi-wan had some kind of renegade arc (from by-the-book to defying the council) is undermined by the fact that Obi-wan was an apprentice still in training (thus calling him a “by-the-book jedi” is misleading since he hasn’t finished learning the “book”) and the fact that he participated, without protest, in the force manipulation of Boss Nass at the beginning of the movie, demonstrating that he is ethically lacking from the start.

        • Bort

          “I’ve been wondering… what are midi-chlorians?” well they are one of the many things that ruin star wars.
          - “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.” aww i understand Darth.. is that why you turned to the dark side…
          Anakin: “Are you an angel?”
          Padme: “What?”
          Anakin:
          ” An angel. I’ve heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They live
          on the moons of Lego, I think. They’re the …”
          …Excuse me miss… um can i get a refund on this ticket. i’m going home now…

    • Jason

      “By the way I don’t get the retarded voice in the video (that I hope is an act for the video) and the mispronunciation of protagonist.”

      Proving that the only people who enjoy the prequels are mental infants.

      “He is someone who is at a constant struggle with himself.”

      What? When? He just seems to do whatever he wants, with a completely blasé attitude. If there’s an internal struggle it is at no point shown in the movie.

      The only character trait the movie really gives Ginny is that he likes to take the easy way out whenever possible, whether it’s mind-tricking someone into giving him an underwater craft, or using the Force to cheat on a dice roll. Even when he fights Darth Maul, it comes off not as an act of courage, but as an act of hubris–he doesn’t think he can lose, and if he actually thought for a second he might lose, he’d have probably mind-tricked someone else into fighting for him.
      If anything, Ginny acts more like a Sith than a Jedi, manipulating people and situations to his personal advantage, which BTW would’ve been a much more interesting and subtle character arc than anything in the prequels.

    • DREW BURGE

      GUEST: “I’m so confident in my opinion and resume, I threw together this misspelled slop and posted as a guest!”

      Cockpuppet. Also, you’re a twat for saying “retarded” as a pejorative. Oh, and for not recognizing obvious jokes.

    • cabbo

      If these really are your opinions then you’re either trying far, far too hard to justify the Prequels in your own mind or you have no future in film.

  • Dudley

    Hey, come on now. I don’t agree with the guy, but that’s harsh.

  • Dudley

    I hadn’t watched this in a long time, and rewatching it now it’s amazing how much this, a criticism of a movie, holds up as entertainment. Certainly more so than the soporific prequels.

    One aspect in which I’d disagree from ‘Plinkett’ is in the idea that these movies have ruined Star Wars. I still like those movies – the original ones – about as much now as I did before the Phantom Menace existed. Actually, I might appreciate them more now then I did then. But that’s just personal experience.

    • ident

      I don’t think he said the prequels ruined the original trilogy. He said the prequels ruined some concepts within the Star Wars universe (e.g. the coolness of light sabers). I’m not going to argue whether they did or didn’t, just clarifying.

      • Duckler

        The prequels never existed, so the original trilogy is intact.

        • TapewormBike

          I have no idea about these prequeefs you keep mentioning.

  • John Orr

    My favorite SW film actually.

  • Guest

    lol

  • Bort

    hey jabba ya do realize that you actually look like turd right

  • Jonathan Martinez

    FUCK THIS GUY!! i can bash the original trilogy even harder! for example when luke is flying in the fuckin x wing all his squadron dies by receiving instant hits by darth varders ship, yet darth vader cant land a damn hit on luke, and talk about flaws in the design of the death star. 1 little lazer can destroy the whole thing? I mean through that little hole? why not cover it up. heck if i built a death star id for sure cover that damn hole. and what about the fuckin clone troopers their so goddamn stupid bumping their heads onto doors n shit and howww are they gonna lose the battle at endor against those little creatures and you think im gonna believe that leia, luke and han can handle like the whole clone army? naaaa Fuck This Guyy.

    • TapewormBike

      Bro, do you even like compelling characters and actual emotions, bro?

    • valou999

      You could try and bash the original assuming you come up with
      legitimately good points – which you really don’t – otherwise you’d only
      like an idiot – which you totally do.

      “yet darth vader cant land a damn hit on luke” – Luke is protected by the Force, Vader even makes a comment about it…

      “1 little lazer can destroy the whole thing?” – Not lasers, torpedoes. One
      tiny spark can create great catastrophies, it’s called a chain reaction.

      “heck
      if i built a death star id for sure cover that damn hole.” – even the
      best architectural structures have flaws. it’s something that was
      clearly overlooked when designed and even then, they were too
      overconfident and never imagined anyone would attempt this sort of
      attack against a seemingly undefeatable battle station. The Death Star
      has defenses adapted to fight off the sort of things that could actually
      cause damage to it like large capital ships and other. Small fighters
      are like mosquitos to it, who would’ve thought they could be any threat
      at all and the grand scheme of things? It’s only after they assessed the
      rebels attack that they recognized the flaw in the design and got
      worried to the point of wanting to evacute. They didn’t know about it
      beforehand… And it’s safe to assume the “hole” had some other purpose
      to begin with also…

      “what about the fuckin clone troopers their
      so goddamn stupid” – As opposed to the completely useless and equally
      stupid droids of the prequels? or any opposing army force in any movie
      ever made? If they were realistically competent, the heroes would die in
      2 seconds and there would be no movie.

      “howww are they gonna
      lose the battle at endor against those little creature” – the same way
      the American forces lost in Vietnam.

      • http://stevethefish.net Steve The Fish

        Pretty true. Although Lucas believes that America lost to the ingenuity
        of the North Vietnamese, and reflected that with the Ewoks. The real
        problem is that America fought the war on the enemy’s terms. Instead of
        targeting the enemy’s infrastructure and bombing the railways, munitions
        dumps, etc, we just had American soldiers wandering around the forest
        getting ambushed and killed (much like the Stormtroopers). While Lucas
        may believe that victory was due to the Viet Kong’s ingenuity, it was
        actually the result of America’s incredible stupidity. LBJ and MacNamera
        should burn in hell for how they ineptly dragged that war out just to
        profit off the soldiers.

      • Jonathan Martinez

        Luke is protected by the force and that totally compensates the fact that he is a new pilot so he gets a special shield right? I dont think thats how the force works. Plo Koon got taken down while he was flying, and he is strong with the force and it was a damn clone who took him down. The damn torpedos look like slow moving lazers -_-. About the death star, what is this? The twenty first century? Such structures should be extremely formidable and not having direct acces to the core. Sure the other ships are like mosquitos so they didnt worry but if you built such a huge thing protecting the interior is the FIRST thing you do. About the droids, some droids do pose a threat maybe not towards jedi but towards others yea and a lot. The clone troopers in the originals arent a threat to absolutely no one. The guy that made this review is expecting realism from the movie. What if we expected realism from the originals? Than we got a problem, so FUCK THE GUY WHO MADE THE REVIEW. Ultimately this is a matter of when was star wars a part of your childhood, for me the prequels were a part of my childhood.

        • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

          They were part of my childhood too, but at least I grew up and saw them for what they were.

        • cabbo

          Remember that the main point of these reviews is not to show plot holes caused by over-fantastical science fiction. The characters and their actions are completely broken in the Prequels; no-one has a clear motivation, or is able to act on a motivation without doing something stupid. Begging for realistic characters is completely justified, and if we do the same with the originals we’d be completely satisfied.
          Yes, you can nit-pick over the minutiae of some of the more sci-fi elements of the original trilogy. The problems discussed in these reviews aren’t just little points about the fantasy; they show the cracks running throughout the entirety of the prequel series.
          Additionally, even if the original trilogy was terrible, how does that justify the awfulness of the Prequels? I know that this review speaks to how they’ve ruined the Star Wars franchise, but if you take that out then all the negatives that lead to that conclusion still stand on their own. Why defend the Prequels by saying that the original trilogy is bad, rather than that the Prequels are good? Even if you’ve got nostalgia for them, you should still be able to realise that they’re awful.

    • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

      Exhaust vents are a pretty basic part of engineering, and you wouldn’t WANT to cover those up.

      • Jonathan Martinez

        Lol exhaust vents? For that particular generator? Is the death star powered by combustion chambers? By fuel?

        • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

          …Yeah, like most machines, I’d figure it would need some type of fuel. And a way to let out the exhaust from said fuel.

          I mean, only a total moron would have trouble grasping such a simple concept…

          • Jonathan Martinez

            Lol so the death star is powered by fossil fuel? No way

          • dennett316

            If you use fuel to power something – whatever the fuel is – there is a waste product of some type. Even in Star Trek The Undiscovered Country, star ships have emissions. That waste product has to go somewhere. In Star Wars they still have garbage chutes and trash compactors on the ship, the technology is fantastic, but familiar at the same time.
            It’s also a metaphor in that something so large and imposing can be destroyed by a smaller ship with a precision strike. Kind of related to how a small rebel force can lead to the downfall of a massive evil empire, isn’t it? Those in power become bloated, complacent, arrogant.
            You are comparing tiny, completely irrelevant nitpicks to massive gaping flaws with the shooting, storytelling, writing and acting of the prequels. It’s just not the same thing, like, at all.

          • Max Wylde

            Do you think they’d power something like that with windmills?

            Kiddo, it’s a Thermal Exhaust Port, and it’s only two meters wide. Thermal. Meaning heat. Exhaust, meaning waste gas. You’re saying that they wouldn’t make this, because….what? I take it you’re not into engineering.

            Why not have something like this? I mean, the Death Star is powered by a main reactor. This indicates that they have to have something that powers the main systems, mainly propulsion and the big fucking gun, and that probably requires a lot of reactive fuel. According to what I read in technical fluff Lucasbooks produced, these are fusion reactors, meaning that they have a technology we have yet to even accomplish. In essence, what they’ve got in the main reactor (and all the smaller reactors all over this thing that powers everything else) is a very small star.

            Stars produce a lot of heat. I’d say that a thermal exhaust port is not only necessary, it’s probably essential. Why shouldn’t it go all the way down to the main reactor? They didn’t think it would be vulnerable, because, frankly, look what it took to exploit that weakness.

            It took a Force-user going down a trench that went around a spherical object 120km around, flying like a bat-out-of-hell because he was being pursued by enemy fighters, one of which was piloted by another Force-user, firing a shot that, by accounts, seemed particularly difficult even for a computer. The shaft was ray-shielded (meaning you can’t just shoot blasters down it), so they had to use proton torpedoes (that can make a 70,000g turn).

            I’m sorry. I guess I just don’t quite understand your problem.

          • Jonathan Martinez

            Sureley filter existed by than lol.

          • dhartm2

            It happened a long time ago, it says so right in the opening crawl. Who knows where filter technology currently was. They may not have had filters that could be used in space that would also deflect photon torpedoes.

    • 87544

      When you diss The Original Trilogy, you diss yourself.

    • dhartm2

      You did a terrible job of bashing the original trilogy “harder” than this guy. You must be very confused about the definition of the word “harder,” because an internet post on disqus that has no likes isn’t bashing a thing harder than a 70 minute video that’s been shared all over the internet and gets regular views daily. I think you should probably go back to the workshop, put a 75 minute video together bashing the original trilogy, posting that on the internet, and then having your video become more popular and relevant than this one. Once you do that, I think you’ll have succeeded in bashing the original trilogy “harder” than this guy. Nine poorly written sentences just isn’t going to get it done. Sorry.

    • TapewormBike

      I have seen the parody episodes of Family Guy too, glad to meet a fellow expert.

    • SilhouetteMan

      The fact that you’re trying to “bash” the original trilogy by listing a bunch of plot holes shows that you have completely missed the point of these reviews. The point being that the original trilogy is one of the better examples of classic, meat-and-potatoes storytelling in modern cinema, while the prequel trilogy fails at storytelling 101 in nearly every way.

  • ElCamino

    The weird thing is that Keira Knightley was cast as one of Queen HotPantsPadme’s decoys.

  • valou999

    Hear hear!

  • Jonathan Martinez

    Thank you for your reply but you cant deny how awkward the acting was in the originals, especially leia im not saying the prequels had greater acting but they were more serious making me believe it was real scenarios. about cgi or practical effects, cgi is much better. Im just use to modern films at this point. Another point that I hadn’t brought up yet is the light saber dueling, oh boy did I cringe when I saw them in the originals. The best light saber duels are all in episode 3 and portraying the jedi and the sith is imensly important for me.

    • valou999

      I quite literally facepalmed and groaned when you said “cgi or pratical effects, cgi is much better”. This is where you can truly see the immense gap between the older and the newer generation. I then groaned even more when you added “The best light saber duels are all in episode 3″. Clearly, all hope is lost with the new generation…

      How is 45 minutes of emotionless and tedious choreographed stunts, pirouettes and sword clashes even qualifiy as a ‘good’ duel is beyond my comprehension. For one, it completely lacks grit due to the cleaness of the choreography, but more importantly, any emotion build up you had leading up to this point evaporated after just the first 30 secs! Stretching the duels out for so long is only overindulgent and completely useless as it only serves to emotionally disconnect you from the characters and the scene.

      The duels in the Originals were briefer and worked way better for it. The best example is the Luke and Vader duel at the end of RotJ. Luke gets pissed and just wails on a hapless Vader. There’s no fancy, clean, safe choreography here, just emotion at its purest. Everything is finish within a minute and you got everything you had to understand from the characters from just that.

      What point did the duels have in the Prequels, I ask you. What impact did the Qui-gon/Obiwan/Darth Maul duel had on any of the characters? None. The Obiwan/Anakin/Count Dooku duel? Besides someone losing an hand – which even that by itself doesn’t lead up up to anything of significance (quite unlike Luke’s loss of his hand) – even more nothing. The Obiwan/Grievous duel? A brain aneurysm maybe. You’d think the Obiwan/Anakin duel would have some meaning, but no, it’s just as devoided as the others. Now watch the Originals again. A New Hope: Obiwan sacrifies himself and becomes a greater ally to Luke as a result, something that has a lasting effect on the following movies. ESB: Luke is completely outclassed by Vader. He acted brashly when he should’ve heed Yoda’s wisdom and ultimately paid the price. He was no help to his firend and may have in fact endangered them even more by going to Bespin. Harsh lesson learned. RotJ: Luke lashes out at Vader, but after defeating him he realizes he’s becoming like his father (clear parallel between his robotic hand and his father’s). Luke casts away his hate and stands against the Emeror as a Jedi Knight. Oh look, character arc! Something completely absent from the Prequels.

      And finally, if you think light saber duels portray the best aspect of Star Wars, the Force, the Jedi and the Sith than I think quite a few things about the movies went over your head…

      • Jonathan Martinez

        Aa yes, emotion, the duels in the originals had…… emotions. Hmm are you saying the prequel duels were emotionless? I’m pretty sure they’re not. Qui-gon and obi-wan against maul. Qui-gon being who he is relies heavily on strong attacks and adapts to a style depending on the needs, nevertheless this makes him predictable and vulnerable. during the Events of episode 1 he was already past his prime. On the other hand darth maul uses bold, precise and strong attacks. He was sidious’s personal assasin and had trained for years this is why he takes down qui-gon but is unsuccesfull in taking down obi-wan. Because obi-wan knows his limits and is also good in determing the enemys limits. Obi wan was particularly good in blast deflection and also light saber deflection, meaning he has a good defense. After a while he takes down maul when he catches him off guard. Because of this and many other things obi wan becomes one of the greatest duelist during his time, mace-windu spoke highly of him. The fight can be easily viewed as the growth of obi-wan, He is the very same guy that died to vader, the guy you mentioned that sacrificed his life! the death of maul is what makes him grow as a jedi master!… emotions? there are plenty! maybe you must look for them. Similar can be said for the other battles but i wont go into detail.

        • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

          Fighting Technique =/= Emotions

        • Mijk

          Hey, I just stumbled over this nice conversation here.

          Plus points for us RLM Fans… no one has threatened JM with rape or anything, there might still be some good in us.

          Also no one quoted Plinkett, showing him ‘how stupid he is’, but considering his arguments, which is a good think. So I’ll join in to this ‘bottomless comment section’:

          Bashing the originials is okay, and I even think your points are valid. The exhaust pipe thing was a bit simplistic and was used to wrap up things of enormous proportions pretty quick. Luke didn’t get hit… he just doesn’t… what a lucky guy.. not the only one in movie history. Certainly a lot of lucky Padmes, Anakains, Obi-Wans in the prequel as well.. but nevermind that.

          What I rather can support is to defend the prequels. Not every point Plinkett makes is undebatable true. Also, I find nitpicking is a nice thing, which one can apply to every movie, especially your favourite ones. It doesn’t ruin the movie, it just makes you wonder about it again..you don’t forget them.. and that is a good thing(at least with good movies). All in all, Plinkett is right even in his first statement. This movie was sooo dissapointing. I was 22 when I hit the theatres in 1999, and these movies weren’t made for me and my age, perhaps, but I was willing to forgive a lot. I still do.

          So, defending the prequels is a very hard job. I would like to see a witty person making a counter review to Plinkett here. (and for the record, saying something like: ‘Well, you don’t like my favourite movies? I think your Star Wars is an asshole, too!’, doesn’t count as witty). So what is there to like? I also don’t think all CG is bad. Naboo looked incredible. I liked the Royal Starship and Darth Mauls ship as an inuendo to later Tie Fighters. I liked the hippie like Jedi Qui Gon Jinn. He became the first Jedi Spirit, and that touches upon some sort of lore I would like to hear more about. Subtlety in contemporary movies is not only lacking, it is processed to camp 4. So I wonder how very subtle this whole thing played out in the prequels:

          The Jedi order was flawed, before their extinction. But even though they sort of knew about this, there wasn’t a final statement, like Yoda saying: Oh, it all went to bits, because we haven’t done anything. We must learn more about the force. Like that wicked new spirit thing, Qui Gon recently got into.’

          Why did Yoda have to go into exile, after breaking up the fight against Palpatine? If he did so for becoming wiser and rethink this whole ‘Jedi and the force’ thing, couldn’t they at least say so?

          But I wanted to point out good things in the prequel. I don’t mind Jar Jar. He was an idiotic character, for sure, but they got rid of him (mostly) even in Episode 2, and I don’t consider any of these films superior to Episode 1. Jake Lloyd was a Kid in a Star Wars movie. He was flying and shooting and saying some things. I don’t mind him either. I even prefer him to his later incarnation, BECAUSE HE WASN’T EVIL ALL THE TIME. Yes, Lloyds Anakin was a nice helpful boy and introduced us also to this young Padawan thing, which got a dark pay off in the end. Palpatines plan… well that is a biiig nitpick, right there. It is hard to look past the huuuge flaws of this plan and the crazy coincidences that need to happen to make him the Emperor in the end.. but even that I am able to forgive. It is like Luka and Vader in the Death Star Trench… very lucky. I don’t mind inclusion of Jabba or (most of) the other characters since it wasn’t more than a nod. Including C-3PO and Chewbacca was pretty stupid… but at least R2s origin was handled nicely.

          Well, I can go on and on, still after all these years. But just a last word for Jonathan Martinez, here: I also don’t hate the Lightsaber Duels of the prequels. They don’t need to be overloaded with emotions. The little emotions the prequel duels conveyed, was enough for me. I at least understood their motivations. BUT since you were going soo into details about every move Darth Maul, Qui Gon and Obi-Wan made during their battle, you might be interested in this video:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0mUVY9fLlw

          • Jonathan Martinez

            Oh we were just having a small conversation. Thank you for your insightful reply. I saw the video. Very interesting. Perhaps there are no movies to depict light saber duels well enough, even in the originals, ben kenobi vs vader, it looked like they were fencing at a very slow pace. I picked darth maul vs qui gon and obi wan as an example for emotion and had explained the reason of that battles outcome. The video you sent me demontrates how the director failed in some fight choreagraphy nontheless it was exciting, for me that is. Perhaps I should have focused on the duel in episode 3 anakin vs obi wan. That could have well been the best duel in the entire movie series. In conclusion I like innovation and new ideas. Since many believe the duels were so good in the originals should they have done similar duels in the prequels? I dont think so. Movies have to be made to convince me to think what they’re doing is real.

          • D-Man

            Two minutes of mindless dueling doesn’t make up for the other hour of horrible travesties Plinkett highlighted that you apparently completely missed. You have no ground to stand on. It has nothing to do with “Lucas ruining my childhood”; they are just terribly made movies in general and deserve to be outed as such.

      • Jonathan Martinez

        And you should be okay with the new generation, yes they’re are some individuals who just make you lose all hope but there are also some very exception people my age.

    • dennett316

      The acting was far worse in the prequels, and not just from Jake Lloyd. Every single actor involved in these movies puts in their worst career performance…bar none. And that is due to the insipid script, and the awful direction of Mr Lucas. Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson, Samuel L Jackson….all absolutely top class actors, and all thoroughly terrible in these films.
      CGI vs practical….ugh. There is great CGI and terrible practical effects, both are just tools like any other. In these prequels, the CGI is over abundant and not of a realistic standard, even for the time. Jurassic Park came out 6 years before Phantom Menace, and the CGI in that movie is top class – blends well with the frame, blends seamlessly with the top quality practical effects on display, and adds to the epic scale of that film.
      The CGI in the Prequels looks cartoony, and succeeds in making everything look sterile and fake because the real actors stand out from the frame thanks to the prolific CG.
      The best light sabre duel is actually from Phantom Menace, at least the best on a technical and directing level anyway. It was actually somewhat exciting (the soundtrack helped immensely) and had the brilliant skills of Ray Park to make it thrilling. But emotionally the scene was dead, even when Qui Gon died and Obi Wan was supposedly angry. He looked angry, and then went into the flouncy choreography straight away and there was no emotion to it. I notice in another comment of yours that you dismiss the motion of the original duels, and that really reveals the difference in audiences nowadays. They don’t care if it means anything, they just want some whizz-bang effects and loud noises to distract them for 5 minutes. Action for the sake of it is boring, it has to have meaning or a sense of consequence and believability in order to have any impact or be exciting. All the flash and CG in the world doesn’t change the fact that the action in the Transformers movies is just not as exciting as anything that happens in the original Die Hard movie. Just as all the stupid CGI slapstick in the action scenes of the prequels does nothing to even come close to the original attack on the Death Star, despite those effects being so much more primitive. There’s also more to the Jedi or Sith than their light sabre fights…that you focus on that as “portraying” those characters says all we need to know about how surface level your analysis is and how little you actually know about good film making.

    • diehounderdoggen

      I actually prefer the fight choreography in the originals more than the prequels. Each blow has some weight to it and you can actually grasp what’s going on and how the duelists are countering and anticipating each other. Not to mention the tactical retreats and re-engagements in the Empire and Jedi fights which served to regulate the rhythm of the scenes and build a little tension from the anticipation of the eventual resumption of the fight. Rather more realistic than the glo-stick waggling in the prequels.

      As an aside, this reflects Lucas’ appreciation of Kurosawa films, where the the action was kept basic and kind of visceral to avoid drawing attention away from the characters. poetry, rhymes, vomit, stanzas, etc.

  • Joe Schmoe

    It would have been so much better without the narrator using some braindead idiot accent and idiom

    • http://www.youtube.com/ac1dchr15t ac1d

      I bet you’re RLM’s favorite type of fan.

      • Joe Schmoe

        I dunno, this is the first page and time I have been here.

        • http://www.youtube.com/ac1dchr15t ac1d

          Well I advise you not to watch Best of the Worst, Plinkett Cartoons, random side videos, and especially Half In The Bag, because those shows will all suck ass compared to Plinkett…is probably what you will think at first, but then you’ll eventually get through all 100 Half in the Bag episodes, all the side stuff, fall in love with Rich Evans, and still keep asking yourself when the fuck RLM is going to release a new goddamn Mr. Plinkett video…but I digress. You may choose the red pill, or the blue pill, or in this case, the real Plinkett or the fake Plinkett.

  • Joe Schmoe

    I am no Star Wars fan by any stretch, but it is so painfully obvious that the last three were total schlock

  • Rob Kwasowski

    Who’s the guy they interview who hasn’t been in any other videos? The one with the glasses who isn’t Jack Packard. How come he hasn’t been in anything else?

    • diehounderdoggen

      He’s a friend of theirs who made The Begun of Tigtone; which is fantasy schlock that parodies fantasy schlock.

      • Rob Kwasowski

        Andrew Koehler?

        • diehounderdoggen

          Not sure. He shows up here though:
          redlettermedia.com/performance-capture-with-red-letter-media/

          • Rob Kwasowski

            I don’t think that is him, he doesn’t sound the same as the other guy.

  • diehounderdoggen

    As a wet shaving aficionado, I can honestly say I want a shaving cream warmer, possibly with integrated frothing wand.

  • Pissernacht

    Midichlorians…

    Midi-fucking-chlorians…

    I have no idea why that is in the movie either, especially considering that the term and concept make no appearance whatsoever in the following movies…

    Oh God!

    Disney, if you’re going to use midichlorians, just please think it through!

    • Jason

      I’m just hoping Episode VII completely disregards the prequels, in the same way Rocky Balboa disregarded everything that happened in Rocky V. In fact, if they could go out of their way to contradict the prequels–like showing the stormtroopers were not clones or having old footage of Anakin that looks nothing like the Anakin from the prequels–that would be amazing.

      • Pissernacht

        Call me a weird guy and all, but that thought makes me so happy I want to…how to put this?

        I guess I’ll try to describe my mental imagery; I see myself touching the sun, bringing it to my chest where it enters me like a pilot into a mech, afterwards it then drives me into a fight against the forces of darkness as if this was Evangelion and then I choke zombie-mecha-hitler with my dick…

        Does that make sense? ‘Cause it’s going to take me awhile to sort this through. At any rate, it needs to happen.

        • sonofwill

          It would take at least 2 “GREAT” movies from Disney to even begin to obscure the damage – permanent damage, mind you – that 1,2&3 caused. There is no going back. All of the loose ends left by 4,5&6 have been permanently “answered”… the transition of Annakin to Darth Vader, the clone wars, the context of Yoda’s journey to Degobah, the emergence of the Empire, destruction of the Jedi Order, etc… there’s not much left for Disney to even begin with.

          That said, I still hope you’re right.

          • Jason

            The prequels are non-canon. They were made by some hack fraud who didn’t understand Star Wars, or even film-making for that matter. The fact this fraud’s name was George Lucas doesn’t change anything. As a wise man named William Shakesman once said “What’s in a name?”. As far as I’m concerned, it may as well have been Tommy Wiseau. “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART, Padme!”

    • sonofwill

      “The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy
      field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us.
      It binds the galaxy together.” – Obi-Wan

      “It is said that certain creatures are born with a higher awareness of the
      Force than humans. Their brains are different; they have more
      midi-chlorians in their cells.”
      ―George Lucas, establishing guidelines for the Expanded Universe in 1977

      I see a direct contradiction – Lucas is claiming that midi-chlorians make people more aware of the force. Ignoring for the moment the fact that all living things are not just pervaded by the Force at all times, but they actually CREATE the force themselves, making it downright silly to think there would be greater or lesser degrees of awareness of something so ubiquitous, the main contradiction in these quotes is that Obi-Wan directly gets his power from the Force. He doesn’t mention the aspect of “awareness” at all, when it’s later stated that such awareness of the force is the only real difference in a Jedi’s ability.

      The most offensive thing about midi-chlorians, is that as outlined by Obi-Wan and Yoda, the Force has counterparts in many mystic traditions. “Luminous beings are we! Not this, crude, matter.”

      Fuck you Lucas.

  • Jason

    One thing I would change about your analogy is that the bathroom sink, while indeed shiny and expensive-looking, isn’t beautiful at all, but gaudy and over-indulgent, like something you would find in Liberace’s bathroom.

  • http://noandyace83.wordpress.com/ AndyAce83

    This is really dark humor.

  • Akeuw

    The fights in these movies are just ridiculous. It is like the romanticized sword fight versus a real one. In the real one, they go side to side trying to hit past the shield. There are no overhead hits because that would expose the fighter. Same with the prequels, there are dozens of opportunities for the fighters to hit, say, the legs, and they are not taken.

  • jrg7777

    “But I was going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!”
    At least the film did a good job showing us where this annoying line originally comes from.

  • Tree Rock Creations

    COMING SOON! Star War Episode – 3: Palpatine’s Pride!

  • nautonnier

    I think part of the problem is that Lucas seems to like to think up “set pieces” and then he retrofits a story around them. Somewhere else on the internets there is a transcript with Lucas, Spielberg, and Lawrence Kasdan discussing ideas about Raiders of the Lost Ark. It shows that Lucas was a bit of a mook even back then. It also demonstrates why Empire was so awesome because Kasdan can bring it proper.

  • Alex Lee

    One minor note about the “Fear leads to Anger…” part. The largest problem, moreso than the interchangable states, is that little boy Anakin has never really expresses negative emotions. The only thing Jake Lloyd did adequately is be happy-go-lucky the entire movie. The point of that scene is to show us another side to Anakin, but it fails because that scene doesn’t really change him as a person; he doesn’t get angry or cry or anything. Instead,he goes right back to being happy-go-lucky, so it’s not any wonder why we find him so irritating.

  • Sydneydude Aussie

    Plinkett hits the nail on the head with these reviews lol These prequels are the result of Lucas not having other movies and stories to rip off this time around, he’s been exposed as the fraud he is who rode in on the tailcoats of the others who actually pulled together and made the original trilogy while he was given a lollipop and told to sit in a corner with his star wars dolls.

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