I personally liked this movie and thought it was cool. I disagree with this review.
His “AHH MAH GAWWWD” at 4:12 makes me burst out laughing every time.
I want a pizza roll.
You just disagree? Don’t make too much of an effort with a rebuttal and sway me to your side of the argument.
Indy CAN be a geezer – only he should have left the adventures behind, only to be pulled back in because of his son. It would have been interesting to see him being awkward at first, and then start doing what he does best. This movie was crap.
Mr. Plinkett great review. I am a big Stars Wars and Indie fan but in about 1995 after watching Radioland Murders! I decided to boycott anything to do with George Lucas 17 years later…….No Regrets
Да здравствует мистер
Ate some pizza rolls as I watched this!
He punches people!! I like that part! “Part time…”
Why was Kate B., who many consider the most beautiful woman in the world, put in a Beatle wig and always seen in a baggy uniform? A complete waste of looks (and talent). Why not have her seduce Indy in a hotty scene and create all kinds of tension between personal lust and national loyalty, plus add to the complexity of Indy’s relationships with Karen Carpenter, Mutt the Wonder Dog, and Paul McCartney?
Why does Pandemidoll have to “sway you”? People are allowed to just disagree, you know.
He can disagree, but at least make an informed effort to say why. When you consider the amount of effort that’s been put in for this video, it’s lazy really.
I’m the type of person who wants to know why.
(Hi, I’m the same person, but used my old login by accident).
When is the next review, Harry? Prometheus is screaming for your brain to notice it… and pizza roll please!
what a cop out. the film was shit and you know it. all the “great scenes” in the world don’t make a great film. Pirates the porno had some great scenes but I wouldn’t call it a great reboot/parody of the pirates series, or for that matter a great standalone film.
The film was truly the worst film I have ever seen, even worse then if you took all of the prequels and star trek films and just Joseph Heller style took all the scenes and randomly edited them together.
and what was that shit at the end about how there are worst things in the world.
um no there aren’t.
“many” what’s? drag queens?
Kate Blanchett is weird looking.
who are these people who think she’s “the most beautiful woman in the world”?
i know that doesn’t answer your question.
but your question was kind of weird.
@churnedbuttah – i agree.
Very bad movie… lazy. Lucas, Spielberg, Harrison… they need to retire. People need understand when her time is over, they done a good job, but now they started to destroy their own legacy.
If this is the worst movie you’ve ever seen, you’ve lived quite the sheltered life.
please do a prometheus review, ergh! ridleys gone the same as lucas. i imagine you might be busy with the coming robocop, total recall and blade runner remakes though
ah you’ve done one great!
After studying your review I watched Crystal Skull and really enjoyed it for the first time. You’ve transformed it for me from bafflingly bad to an Indiana Jones movie with some flaws. So thanks!
That’s a *great idea*(!)
I can definitely picture the audience having fun w/ that aspect of the story, too. It’s human. It’s relate’able.
Alas . . . this film was just a BIG, stinky cash-grab. Still, it is a shame Spielberg and Lucas drove this beloved character into the ground. They should’ve hired YOU.
I was – like man – greatly looking forward to this film. When I finally watched it, I had to turn it off halfway thru.
That bit where La-BUFF is sword-fighting . . . FENCING(?) . . . w/ that other person on whilst riding thru the jungle on jeeps(?) . . . Yeah. That was IT, for ME . . . (!!!)
Truly, an abomination of a film.
Once I saw the fridge scene I said, “Dammit, they prequeled it!” After that it just sort of hobbled along and ended with a whimper. Oh well
I’m pretty sure Plinkett’s main point was “This movie sucked”
Wait..you said the snake not tearing in half isn’t very realistic, yet earlier you said the series has never been about the characters or realism.
A fat, cross-dressing homo who’s a he/she is EXTREMELY disappointing.
First they ruined Star Wars with the prequels and then I said if George Lucas ruins anything else precious to my childhood then I am going to be truly MAD!! Then Indiana Jones 4 came out (I am not even going to strain myself with saying the title to this abomination)…
I am pretty sure they used snakes as ropes in the amazon for years…
they used the remains of snakes. treated properly to make ropes. retard
Doesn’t anyone realize this movie isn’t going to feel like the old Indiana Jones movies? Why? Because you’re not fucking 12 years old anymore !! Instead of ripping it apart (simply because the new Star Wars films sucked), why don’t you try to think like a kid again and simply enjoy another fun and great adventure of Indiana Jones.
Bullsh!t remark. I can still go back and watch any of the first three movies, and yes, while I am not a kid anymore and see movies differently, they are still really good movies. Are we supposed to think the first three starwars movies now suck because we’re middle aged? Lame argument. This movie deserves to be ripped apart because it’s a bad freaking movie poorly done by men who shouldn’t make these kinds of movies (and in George’s case, any kind of movies) anymore.
Neil Flynn, the actor who plays The Janitor on Scrubs, keeps popping up as tertiary characters in your reviews. He plays Cop #1 in Baby’s Day Out and one of the douche agents in Crystal Skull. Is there a connection? Is Neil Flynn responsible for these horrible film atrocities?
My father died when swinging from a snake rope in the amazon. The snake held strong, but he couldn’t hold on.
Im pretty sure George Lucas when born got a birth certificate thats an official apology to the condom company
When he keeps talking and I look into his eyes I get a feeling that someone else is driving
when he sees a frozen juice can I bet he just keeps looking at it funny and doing nothing cause the can says “concentrate”
hes as useful as a director as an ashtray in a motorcycle
Red Letter Media needs to do Cowboys and Aliens please.
finaly; the reign of lucas has ended….praise the lord….
This was another great review. I’d like a pizza roll from this webzone.
I love you Plinkett – never stop!! Matrix next please would be amazing!!
Harry S. Plinkett VS.Freddy Kruger
This is what I don’t get: Dan Aykroyd had a cameo in TEMPLE OF DOOM, and yet he didn’t do a cameo here as a Crystal Skull expert?
“Smart lad to slip bedtimes away,
From fields where glory does not stay.
And early though the laurel grows,
it withers quicker than the rose.
Eyes the shady night has shut,
cannot see the record cut.
And silent sounds no worse than cheers,
after earth has stopped the ears.
Now you will not swell the route of lads that wore that honors out,
Runners whom were noun out ran,
and the name died,
before it began.”
What about during Last Crusade when Indiana leaves the Nazi General in the tank to fall off of the cliff? Shouldn’t he be responsible for that murder too?
Mr. Plinkett, don’t forget the Japanimatrix… Animatics… Annie Halltrix… Animatrix.
That’s why there’s actually such a thing as being “too nice”, and abusive a-holes have no problem getting laid. I feel like I’m living in a cuckoo clock sometimes.
I-I’m not bitter.
Maybe I’m a weirdo, but I like the take of “part time” they went with better than the one you’re using as an example.
Please do the matrix reviews. I’m pretty sure they’ll be as brilliant as the star wars ones… The sheer amount of disapointment they created guarantees it xD
The idea of having Indy be a WWII vet was probably to solidify him as a hero. Since he is so old in the film, they needed a way to make him an action hero, without having to show much action. The reason it feels weird, aside from the points in the review, is because Indy was always a loner, never taking orders. To imagine him towing water for some higher officer in amongst a team of grunts just doesn’t jibe well with what we have always seen and known about his character.
Look up the Venona Project. It was declassified in 90’s. It proved that J. McCarthy was 95% percent correct in who was a communist spy. I guess the libs aren’t coming out apologizing for demonizing McCarthy. Just sayin.
please do not send me pizza roles.
I wish they sold pizza rolls in my country…But Canada seems to forbid happiness.
It’s funny you should mention that because they both have the exact same IMDB rating.
Dude, seriously? Jerking off to Olsen Twin movies? The pedophile stuff crosses a line you fucking idiots.
What line? Did you create the line? How are the rest of us supposed to know what YOUR line is?
*puts on nerd glasses* Mr. Plinkett, when you counted the murders in Temple Of Doom, you added wrong. 9+11 is 20, not 21!
Appreciate the use of Act Like You Know
Hey, when the fuck are you gonna review the Matrix trilogy, fat man?!
AWWWWWWWWWWWW GAWWWWWWWWWWD I CAN’T STOP CUMMING
Fell off my chaie laughing.
The movie could have been really cool, if Spielberg made it in the 90s. Technology and George Lucas ruined this movie. Actually the majority of movies nowadays are ruined because filmakers are fukcing lazy assholes and use CGI just cuz that’s simpler to do.
T3 is more desereving to be reviewed.
I wanna Pizza Role… Gimme a pizza role, you fatass, cunt ass, bitch kidnapping, half-hog and Rick Berman related, terrible, faggot!… Still liked the review, though…
Rick Berman ruined fucking Indiana Jones, too… I just know it…
I’m still waiting for my pizza roll …. 😛
Can I has a pizza roll Mr. Plinkett?
Janusz Kaminski is indeed a good dp, but it seems to me that natural lighting instead of whatever garbage he used would have helped this feel more like and Indiana Jone movie than it did.
Not only do they use snakes as rope in the Amazon but the US Government has determined a refrigerator also doubles as a nuclear bomb shelter.
Blasphemy! Prometheus should have never been released by itself. Scott should have simply made both movies and released them at once so people would not bitch and moan.
that ending made me depressed 🙁
send me a pizza roll in the mail you old fuck!
if you were so looking forward to the film how could you ‘turn it off’ unless you had it on dvd/digital download (or other home device)? wouldn’t a huge fan have been disappointed in the theater?
“It’s what I choose to believe.”
Where do you think the website “Snopes” got its name?
Using “Nucular” instead of “Nuclear” is technically correct. Either is correct.
I feel so bad for Speilburg here. Even in the behind the scenes sections, he said that he had hoped that he would not have to direct another Indiana Jones movie.
If I am so retarded how do I have a $4,000,000,000 net worth? Do you have $4,000,000,000 net worth? No didn’t thinks so. Check Mate Mr Vulcoun
Great review, as always! But luckily, it didn’t have the same impact as the Star Wars prequel reviews. Maybe that’s because those films were more damaging to their own mythology, but I also don’t think Crystal Skull was all that bad. No, not as good as Raiders (what is?) but it was still a fun, entertaining movie with lots of good stuff in it, which is a lot more than any of the SW prequels.
On the list of good things mentioned by Harry , I think Cate Blanchett’s hammed-up role as Irvana deserves a mention. Her accent, the stern and sexless uniform and the sword made for a fantastic character. Not a supervillain maybe, but a worthy opponent.
Then I actually found myself disagreeing on a few details with the esteemed Mr. Plinkett, which is rare. Willie Scott might ‘at least have been different’ (but I don’t like things that are different!) , her character and performance -and hairdo- are still very annoying and terribly dated. And I do think if Indie had a love of his life it would be Marion. There was a real chemistry between them, and Indie was crushed when he thought she was dead. I know lots of fans did not want to see Indie settling down and getting married but I didn’t mind it. (Having said that, now that he HAS, I’m not sure if I want to see more adventures.)
Your right George. If a man is measured at the end of his life by how much money he has in his bank acccout – then you win! It’s obvious that those billions of dolllars of net worth have made you lose touch with society…and that is translating onto every project you are a part of these days.
hahahahaha! Is there no limit to the inanity of Americans?
The olsen twin adventures joke made my jaw drop in horror.
I didn’t mind Willie. The sexual tension scene was hilarious.
No. It is NOT.
A role? You want to be cast in a pizza commercial or something?
ur doing it wrong
The Venona Project didn’t even look at the majority of people that Joseph McCarthy accused. The scholarly consensus is that under 6% of those accused of being communist could be identified as such.
He was in the theatre. He means he turned off the theatre half way through, to save himself & the other pundits too
I hope you make more of this stuff. Keep it up.
They shouldn’t have to retire, they should just stop trying to recapture their youth.
Except Lucas, I hope a fucking sinkhole swallows him and his mansion in the dead of night and nobody ever notices.
Love the Jonathon Creek music when Plinkett is cleaning the cat shit.
You gotta do the matrix plinkett reviews already, those may be the best yet.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I knew it!
Man, I could go for some pizza rolls right now.
My next project: Indiana Jones and the Beating of a Dead Horse. Plot: Indie finds the fountain of youth, after drinking from it returns to “Raiders” age. We can do this de-aging with digital effects This way franchise can be milked for another 25 years without having to bother with that original thought bullshit. If Harrison Ford dies we’ll just “Weekend at Bernies” his ass. I’ll just digitally remove the guys holding him up.
What is the music that plays at the beginning of every Plinkett review?
MR PLINKETT I SO VERY AGREE WITH YOU….can i have some pizza rolls?
Can I shit on your face?
Haha. Thank you for talking about the refrigerator scene.
Shut up Plinkett. I’m tired of your smart dumb reviews.
What’s wrong with your snaaaaaaaake
I never noticed that… but my brain did.
Hopefully it’ll work.
I’d love that plot structure page you show at 14:01 on the first video. I like reference.
Usually sequels are either a retread of the previous film or pick-up immediately after the previous film. And sometimes a film franchise is picked up several years after the last one with a nostalgia sequel that makes references to the previous films <- That was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
Do you remember, Lucas & Spielberg? You already made the nostalgia sequel! The pointless references to the original films, characters from the first film for nostalgia value, the added father/son drama. Indiana Jones 3 was the nostalgia sequel!!
Are you the former governor of Alaska?
It’s more plausible that some supernatural power would be released from the Ark of the Covenant than there is that Mutt would swing on vines and land on a speeding jeep, Russians would fire thousands of bullets and be unable to hit anyone, driving a jeep over a cliff and being uninjured, natives hiding inside stone for who knows how long,etc. etc.
The best part about this whole (very awesome) review was at the end when he said he’s going to make more. yes! cannot wait for matrix review, maybe do transformers too????
PS. I cry at night sometimes when i think about Michael Bay getting to make TMNT.
Why was there an arrow pointing to the name of the train at 14:13 of Part 2? Is it a reference to the old wodden ship of the same name or am I thinking too much into it?
You poor, dumb bastard.
Has anyone seen Danny since this comment? I’m guessing the last thing he saw was a small army in dingy grey jumpsuits.
At least we still have Howard the Duck. Ohhh… wait.
Plinkett I love you so much.
Wierd moment for me in part 2 when the comic image of Captain America that flashed up was one I did the colours for.
Love these reviews!
“I hate this scene more than life itself”, that just cracked me up! Maybe it’s time to go to bed..
I’m assuming “Great Republic” was meant to be a Star Wars reference, like how there was a “Club Obi-Wan” in opening scenes of The Temple of Doom.
Smooth humblebrag, son!
SNOPES: One of the most pernicious families in all of Faulkner.
Perhaps it was because Republic pictures was THE biggest B-Movie production company.
we could probably ignore crystal as a “movie” and treat it as a post-fame film school project or internet fan video with the original actors and a high budget. cuse the movie isnt good but people who needed paying bacl probably got it and it ruins the indiana jones franchise slightly but not really but when you see everyone on the set having tons of fun like that it makes a lot more sense that its more of a project for them than a film for us
So when are we getting the Matrix films and the others you promises at the end?
I’m not gonna beg you to review the Matrix sequels…because those movies themselves are already begging to be reviewed, like two retarded bastard children begging to be let out of the crawlspace under the house.
“Please, Mr. Plinkett! Please let us out”—oops, I mean—”review us!”
Brother I seriously thought the same for so long. But if you really look deep into the meanings of stuff going on in the films you may come to appreciate them. I’d take matrix sequels over the countless remakes and reboots we have seen the last 5 years or so.
I don’t want a pizza roll, I want one of your cat’s shits
That part where he talks about how Plinkett still has all these films to review? That was irony.
Please keep doing Half in the Bag, Mike. We all love the Plinkett reviews, but they must be hard work. Tiring, saddening, soul-destroying hard work.
The Olson twin segment is probably the funniest thing ever put on film in the history of mankind.
So…. basically every woman’s fantasy is to utterly destroy everything that made the man attractive to her in the first place?
The cat shits are Tootsie rolls, not Pizza rolls.
Medulla Noindiana lol… man that’s sad. I blame Lucas! I also have Medulla Norobocop, but damn am I curious… at how bad it’ll be.
it’s so dense, every single image has so many things going on.
It would have been clever if they had incorporated the paranoia and communist sub-plot into the idea that the russians are destroying America from the inside using the mind control device.
Not that I like Red Tails, but their criticisms about how the Germans were portrayed, as evil, with scars and typical bad guy dispositions, is contrasted greatly by “Plinkett’s” disdain for the ambiguity in who’s good and bad in this film. Appears as conflicting ideals.
Yeah except that Red Tails is billed as a historical picture about humanity and transcendence and breaking down boundaries (both racial and otherwise), and Indiana Jones is a fictional movie about action, and that’s pretty much it. These two types of movies have different goals, the Jones films (all four of them) are not very realistic, but they’re exciting as action movies. Red tails is supposed to be about real people, but it loses its credibility when it portrays certain “real” people as embarrassingly simplistic and emotionless villains.
Don’t you mean a cuckold clock?
I think that TMNT is in development hell or something cause I haven’t heard anything about it for a long time.
Yes. I would like a pizza roll.
Please do Prometheus mr. Plinket
Temple of Doom was a shitty movie, but I can see how you would’ve liked it because it was different and took a risk, unlike some films that didn’t take a risk at all and played it safe(I’m talking to you, Star Trek: Into Darkness!).
Are you still sending pizza rolls if people request them?
I really want a pizza roll right now. I live in Alaska and just eat whale blubber everyday. A pizza roll would really make my day!
Oh, I forgot to mention, I will be happy to send you a fresh seal pup hide as compensation for the mailing fee. Thanks!
God yes, i spat coffee all over my ipad when i saw it.
Plinket’s cunt: You win funniest words I’ve heard all month.
I must say, again, the music selection in your reviews are excellent.
That was the best ending.
I like Mike Stoklasa and I like redlettermedia alot, but Mike’s review on crystal skull doesn’t make alot of sense and really shows his problems as a movie reviewer. The way he bashes crystal skull but praises the piece of shit abomination known as temple of doom shows that in this case, he’s a close-minded fanboy blinded by nostalgia. Temple of Doom’s a terrible movie and is a hundred times worse than crystal skull. Its not dark at all, its mean spirited, and theres a big difference between dark and mean spirited. Temple of Doom took “risks” for all the wrong reasons and did not pay off at all. It really is a terrible movie and shows that people that love it and hate crystal skull are just clouded by nostalgia.
to add to that, PLEASE WATCH the nostalgia critic’s review on temple of doom. His review on that movie perfectly rips it apart and shows how much of a piece of shit it is.
Once again, I like and respect redlettermedia, Im just trying to be objective and balanced. I dont think crystal skull’s that bad of a movie and I think that temple of doom’s one of the worst pieces of shit ever created. Even Spielberg and Lucas both apologized for temple of doom and admitted it was a bad movie
Go away before we put you through the wind shield of our caddy.
I get what you are saying, but in my opinion, while Temple of Doom has a weird tone, is almost borderline racist and sexist (that is the main issue I have with it) it is still way better structured and works because the direction si still sure handed and performances are good (I’d take Temple of Doom Ford over Crystal Skull oe any day). Plus, I know what you meant, but to call RLM guys fanboys is a bit off. They offer insightful criticism and always provide more general points as far filmmaking goes. The overall presentation and the fact that they use the character of Mr. Plinkett to chanel their opinions should tell you that they do not take themselves too seriously (as well as anything else on this site).
I think the star trek guy needs a name.
Do you mean the fan favourite Ummm Excuseme?
I can go on and on about why I dont like temple of doom. But my main problems with temple of doom are for one: its unnecessarily ugly and mean-spirited for no reason. and dont get me wrong, I love dark and twisted movies. Stanley Kubrick’s “A Clockwork Orange” is one of my all time favorite movies and its way more fucked up and twisted then temple of doom. But the difference between those two movies is that there is a clever sense of satire and wit behind the darkness and most of all, unlike temple of doom, the darkness serves a POINT AND PURPOSE. The so-called “darkness” of temple of doom doesn’t add anything to the film and just makes it look dragged out and needlessly cruel and its totally out of character for the indiana jones series. And that brings me to another point. The biggest problem with temple of doom is the inconsistent tone. At one point you have all these horrible juvenile slapstick jokes with Kate Capshaw that a fifth grader would come up with, and in the next scene you go to a needlessly horrific scene where mola ram rips a guys heart out.
Another reason why I hate temple of doom is the terrible script writing, horrible dialogue, and the worst steretypical characters that would give jar jar binks a run for his money. In my opinion, I think Kate Capshaw and fuckin Short Round are way more worse than jar jar binks. And I understand that the other films have stereotypes in them but stereotypes are fine as long as theyre not cheap or offensive. Temple of doom has horrible racial stereotypes of women, chinese, and Indian people which was why it got banned in India.
One final thing I wanna add is that the script writers were Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz; they wrote this movie right before they wrote the screenplay for Howard the Duck, another mean-spirited, horribly written piece of shit.. ya.. shows you how much quality temple of doom has
Well, when it comes to movies, the only thing that you can rely on is mostly a subjective experience and it’s a bonus when you can articulate your reasons as to why you like or don’t like a particular film. So, I respect your opinion and will have to go to sleep knowing that you totally dislike Temple of Doom. I will just point out few differences between the movies and will try to argue my point of the argument, in favor of Temple over Crystal Skull:
A) More viscerally satisfying conclusion. Although you can point to many mistakes in Temples script, at the end it tells you several things – that a kinda douchey guy went through hell and came out a better person, that the evil guys who stole children are defeated and children are back with their families and that the pampered princess might now be less pampered and more prone to let our hero stick it in her (my hero being Spielberg). At the end of Crystall Skull we know that – grumpy guy smiles a bit more. Cocky son is somehow less cocky, maybe? Aliens who are not aliens flew away, because of things, the Russians lost Cate Blanchett and are probably mad about it and that Indy is quite probably getting into some sloppy seconds after John Hurt (there is an Alien joke in there dammit!). The first one just feels (somehow) better to me. Knowing that the writers wrote Howard the Duck after Temple does not sway my opinion in any way. I for one always thought that Hitler did some bitchin artwork before he went all holocaust on us.
B) Crystal Skull puts a cap on Indy as a character. Crystal Skull suffers the same symptoms the Prequels did, which is being too aware of the status of Indy as a cultural phenomena with its own mythos. The fact that he is now basicly “destined” to marry Marion felt really forced and it goes against what the previous movies taught us about him (while thinking its building upon the previous movies). Indy is a womanizing charming son of a bitch and if they wanted to show a growth in that area (mmmm, yeaaa) they should’ve let him get married at the start and show us different sides of the character, similarly to the Craig Bond movies. Like this, it only serves as a needless “happily ever after”
C)You know what Im kinda tired, but you get where I was going
In any case, am I saying that the Temple is the best of the original trilogy? No way. But just as with Jedi, Im gonna watch it over the new one any time. (I might have my eyes closed for the bug scenes).
I see your points and they’re fair points to make at that. However, the argument that people are clouded by nostalgia stands on shaky ground. I agree that Doom took risks, many of which didn’t pay off and are just racist to today’s viewing audience. However, it was a misguided product of it’s time. No matter how dated or hard-to-watch the film may be by today’s standards, you can still feel the passion the filmmakers had for the film and the authenticity they put into the movie. At least they created some memorable moments that, put in another Indiana Jones movie, would have really worked. With Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it just looks fake and the character/heart of the Indie series is lost. However, this is just my opinion.
Hèy dickhead! Nobody liked Temple of Doom, there’s no argument there, but upon crystal skull’s release temple of doom is a fucking masterpiece. Fucking idiots like you who believe crystal skull is a good film are clueless cunts who have no idea about nothing. Fuckoff!
I thought Temple of Doom was a great film, but then, I dont really like Indianna Jones..
i want a pizza roll
People have been using snakes as ropes in the Amazon for years.
It’s like poetry, they rhyme.
I have returned!
I have been dogging you for three years now, AND I WANT MY FUCKING PIZZA ROLL. I command you! Murder Pizza Hut!
It’s so dense, every image has something going on.
Рашнз! Ай хейт дис гайз.
Рашнз!! Ай хе́йт’эм!
HAHA! Holy shit, I spit out my beer when I read this… lol, fucking Rick Mccallum
New Mr. Plinkett please! It’s been for-fucking-ever!
It’s his way of making the best film possible
When are you going to review terminator Salvation you fat cunt
I understand a lot of akrs points and agree with some of them. personally I like the “Crystal Skull” movie more than “Temple of Doom” as well. the whole mood in the second one just seems to “off” to me.
btw: I think even “Last Crusade” already suffered from being too self-referential. I mean, there are dozens of scenes that are almost copies from the first one (however, it obviously also managed to tweak the formula by adding new stuff that worked well)
Sure, that is a fair point. And as I said many many times, it always comes to individual experience, so I get why you might like Crystal Skull, I was just pointing out the reasoning for my fondness for Temple of Doom. Plus, I am incredibly racist and sexist, too, which helps immensely.
George Lucas has this thing now where he’s like he just like to make movies, ones he wants to see.But doesn’t he realize that this is a whole new generation and now people just don’t make movies any more, they have to be gripping and engaging.
loved that cum.
Disappointed that we’ll never get Less Fast and Not So Furious
We need moar Plinkett. For the love of god and all that is holy. I laughed so hard at the scene where he’s cumming on the television. I laughed harder than I had in a while. Just, moar Plinkett, please.
So, he throws the cat poop from the box onto the floor. Doesn’t that just make it worse?
email your concerns to firstname.lastname@example.org
lmao Arthur C. Clarke’s play The Crucible about the Salem Wolfman Trials
Was Indy even needed for this story? I get the feeling that if Indy never existed the Russians would still take the skull to…Aka…A…Akawhatever, Ivana Spankoff would still die from the alien coming to life, and the flying saucer would still fly into another dimension. I could be wrong though. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it, and I’ve had a few too many vodka gimlets
Same idea as the first Indy film, really. If Indy hadn’t gotten involved, they would have opened the Ark in front of millions of Nazis, and probably Hitler, and they would all have died screaming horrible deaths, ending the war.
That’s a pretty funny thought, though I doubt they would’ve opened it in front of Hitler without testing it.
And seeing how the Ark will kill ANYONE looking at it when its opened, it can be used as a weapon against the Allies. Like, I dunno, strap it on top of a tank and drive towards them.
This whole inter-dimensional thing was another poor idea. 50’s B-movies never really got more daring than having the aliens come from Mars or Venus or something. The flying saucer itself is firmly connected with inter-galactic creatures. Having it be a dimensional device is just weird.
Besides, why does a dimension-travel-thing need to physically move through space? Can’t it be like the TARDIS and just appear wherever it wants?
Speaking of TARDIS, why don’t the “inter-dimensional” aliens in this movie don’t use need “Bigger on the inside than the outside” pocket-dimension tricks?
“Wait a minute. I can’t stop reviewing movies…shit, I ain’t even close to done yet!”
Well then REVIEW THE FUCK OUT OF SOMETHING. No one wants to see this
animated shit. So go snort some coke, kill a hooker, fuck a cat, sneak
into a theater, and DO MOAR REVIEWS!!
What is it with Ricks?
If Star Trek was made by Lucas, that would be his name, and he would have an action figure, too.
Now just to finish my fanfiction about kickass jedi who gets a whole lot of Rancor ass: “The story of Faahk Ieah”
10 space dollars say they CGI Paul Walker in.
Imagine if your great-grandfather had the ability to make the kind movies he wanted to see. It’s like that, but less racist.
In Dianna Jones is a different movie. A very different movie.
So aside from liking a movie you don’t like, what was the problem with this review?
The one thing that really stuck out to me was that that bright warm glow in every shot. Is that somehow supposed to reflect the era or something?! I found that really annoying and thought it looked fucking stupid.
These reviews are hilarious.
I never understood the hate for the “nuke the fridge” moment. Indiana Jones survives the wrath of a vengeful God in Raiders by fucking closing his eyes. The first half of the film works… it just instantly falls apart once they leave the USA.
Well, yeah, but we don´t know how the wrath of God works, but we can imagine the blood radioactive pulp after opeing that fridge, resulting from all the impacts and the freaking nearby nuclear explosion. On the other hand, that is actually one of few moments that is interesting in that movie, so I get your sentiment.
I’m kind of surprised to see that clip of Spielberg being dismissive of Lucas’s idea about about the extraterrestrial/inter-dimensional beings. Seems unusually honest for a promotional behind-the-scenes interview.
I have not seen the rest of the interviews to be honest, but I bet it´s near the beginning and a set up for talking about how well it all came together in the end. Just a hunch. But if not I wouldn´t be surprised either, Spielberg is way better interviewee than say Lucas, since, you know, emotions and sense of humour.
Responding to a four month old post because I apparently have no life. I agree with your point about the inconsistent tone, akr. That is my main gripe with Temple of Doom. It just bounces around between silly and dark so much that it reminds me a bit of the Star Wars prequels.
However I strongly disagree with your assessment that the darkness in Temple of Doom served no purpose. The point was to provide motivation for the action and juxtaposition with Indie, who is overall a heroic figure, despite some dickishness. The dark tone makes us really root for Indie against these crazy sacrificing assholes, portrays a sense of danger/tension and makes the conclusion to the movie much more satisfying once the children are rescued and villains killed off. It’s hard to have a satisfying simple action movie without establishing that the hero is in genuine danger and why we should hate the villains. It’s a story structure that focuses more on being satisfying rather than being insightful and deep, just like the old adventure serials.
haha dat old skool youtube layout
The ark does have a good reason though. The whole idea is that it’s an object too divine for mortal eyes, and to look upon it is a sin worth swift and horrible wrath. By this established logic, averting their eyes from the ark makes perfect sense.
Don’t get me wrong; the older films had plenty of silly physics-defying moments, but they were usually pretty minor and not super over the top. The problem with the fridge is that it asks the audience to suspend their disbelief just a bit too much.
Though by a bit, I mean the fact that the fridge wasn’t destroyed by the blast of the bomb, that Indy could survive being hurled hundreds of feet in the air and come crashing down in a metal box, and that he wasn’t affected in anyway by residual radiation.
Of course you only care about the parts of the woman. You have a vagina…I believe Plinkett himself did a review in about Star Wars episode 2 where he says women don’t care about any thing, but themselves, practically. It’s true. And It’s ok that most women like the bad boys, that’s what they are attracted to. Just like most men only care if a women is hot, and dump’em when they get old. Also men with trophy wives. bla bla bla…
I would have actually like to see an Indiana Jones movie based on sci-fi movies from the 50’s. Like a Quatermass-style film, sort of in the style of Quatermass and the Pit (which is from the 60’s, but it’s based on a tv serial from the 50’s).
So maybe, sort of like in “QP”, this archeological dig unconvers some bizarre alien thing, and Jones is either already there working on the dig or he’s called in because, you know, because. And mostly he just walks around, talking to people, using his brain. And sure, introduce a younger character who can sort of take over the mantle of Indiana Jones, but have him be someone smart and adventurous like Indy. If you don’t want the Soviets to be the bad guys, you could have them and the US decide to cooperate in light of an alien threat, and you could even make the “young Indy” character some kind of Russian cosmonaut who gets into adventures (like maybe Indy had a son with a Russian agent he worked with during WWII).
Or maybe not, I don’t know.
The thing that gets me most about the fridge sequence is that, narratively, there’s literally no point to it. We’ve JUST concluded the opening action sequence; Indy escapes and we’ve set up the plot for the movie. Then Indy finds the town, hides in the fridge and gets blown miles away, and then the movie continues and goes to the FBI dudes.
What the hell was the nuke scene even supposed to accomplish? Is it to show retarded teenagers who don’t know about Paul McCartney what the atomic bomb is? I hope not, but the alternative is that George wanted in the movie and Spielberg had mentally given up a long time ago. I’m not sure which is worse.
Some of the music in this review reminded me of Beetlejuice.
…because it is common sense that Indy would be pulverized in the metal fridge. It would certainly be a million times worse than a car accident. People ignore what they expect to be. A heavy truck bumping up and down when running over a man? Even though it would just crush him, it’s what we expect to see.
A propeller chopping through a man with ease? Seems plausible, despite the notion that the blades may have broken and been sent flying in dangerous directions. How about a man being crushed by a roller? It would squeeze out his innards all over Indy and the man would be emptied like a toothpaste container. I know because I’ve seen that one before. However, for the film’s sake, it can be clean.
The point being that it is what we expect which allows for our suspension of disbelief, not what the director’s vision tells us to believe.
Who would turn the Ark over to Area 51 and make America an unstoppable nation?
That’s Danse Macabre by Camille Saint Saens. It inspired some of Elfman’s music.
No, he makes movies that he would expect us to want to see. When we criticize and reject his work, he blames others or makes up crap to try and excuse it.
Examples being: Claiming Star Wars is for children; claiming studios didn’t want to produce Red Tails because they were racist; calling out fans for getting mad at him when he tries to make something “they want”.
Sources in Order:
Harrison Ford starring in “Die Anna Jones!”
only 90s kids will remember
Neat! Elfman you hack.
Eh, it wasn’t that bad, except for all the CGI but I’ve kind of come to accept that every movie that drips out of Hollywood’s anus will contain no less than a dozen unnecessary and over-the-top CGI scenes/characters that completely destroy immersion and realism. And I actually thought the mountain-out-of-a-mole-hill opening was very clever and classic Spielberg (even though it wasn’t a mole, but whatever, gopher’s are cuter, I get it).
Maybe it’s just because I don’t put the original Indiana Jones trilogy on the same level as the original Star Wars trilogy, but I wasn’t nearly as offended or disappointed by this movie as I was by the prequels.
The truth is, no one would care or even notice if it weren’t for Bush saying it “wrong”. It would just be considered a little dialectical quirk, like tuh-may-toh vs tuh-mah-toh, but because Bush said it, it now serves as some sort of IQ test.
But you’re totally okay with him kidnapping and murdering hookers in his basement, and turning his cat into mince meat? The joke is that Plinkett is a degenerate low-life who commits horrible acts, yet he’s still more relatable and likable than George Lucas or Rick Berman. At least that’s what I take from it.
PLINKETT, check out some sources before you make some kind of statement. A snake can actually withhold up to 2,000 pounds of weight.
A snake really can hold a person’s weight and people have used them as rope for centuries.
Technically speaking, some native tribes have used snakes as ropes for years. So what you are saying is actually wrong. If you’d bother to look something like this up before posting your review, maybe people wouldn’t think you’re such a retart.
The Mayan tribes used certain types of snakes as ropes to lift stone blocks into place; so did the ancient Egyptians. So they actually could have lifted a person’s weight.
I used a snake as a rope once!
LEARN YOUR FACTS BEFORE MAKING ANOTHER REVIEW, YOU DUMB SHIT!
Mysticism vs physics. You can believe that god or whatever spirits inhabited the ark wouldn’t punish Jones in Raiders, after all, he was only trying to save the ark from falling into evil hands and didn’t look at it, indicating that he was not involved in any way with the procedings.
There are no spirits to save him from blunt force trauma and bone shattering impact.
Yeah but then the Ark would just be sitting somewhere, where more people could open it.
While I agree with you on the communist trial troubles, I think it was completely justified for the time. I grew up in the Czech Republic and it was total shit. In America I am living middle class with little effort. But before I grew up poor, which says a lot for a people determined to turning the poor into the petty bourgeois class. Most progressives have never grown up in the time, but it was alright until the Warsaw pact invaded. I am not saying I had a bad life, just that it is better in the USA. Except in the time I grew up was after the Warsaw invaded. So i naturally hate Marxists.
It’s gonna be great.
“Check your facts!”
It’s only irony until he decides to do one more, and damnit Mike’s reviews are just the best of the best. They’re exactly what I would say if i could, but much funnier, and makes me feel like Lucas and the rest do actually know just exactly how i feel about their awful films, how betrayed i feel that they don’t try harder, because Mike’s already told them for me, perfectly.
And people think Abrams’ lens flares are bad.
What are your sources? I cant find any information regarding the Mayans or the Egyptians using snakes as rope. Also, you misspelled “retard”.
He ruined this too?
I’m pretty sure his main source of information on this is his ass.
This movie is packed with pro-communist propaganda from kike Steven Spielberg
Nuking the fridge was stylistically designed to be that way, but we can dimish the effects of such nukings.
Recently rewatched the whole Trilogy, those last two movies really are not as bad as we all used to think. They were just a huge departure from the first film Especially reloaded has a lot of good stuff in it. Not at all comparable to something as bad like the Star Wars prequels in my opinion.
Fourth time! Oh, wait…
It wasn’t all CGI, Spielberg is a competent director who doesn’t sit in a chair in front of two monitors drinking coffee, better crew who weren’t all “yes-men”, actors weren’t acting against a dart on a green screen all the time, it’s one movie instead of three, no children, no stupid love story, no silly comic relief talking animals or aliens or robots, it’s not a prequel so they didn’t have to shoehorn stuff into it and build up throwaway lines into giant 3-movie concepts, it had a main character, story had an ending and not a “to be continued…”, Harrison Ford…
It’s main problem is a bad story, some pointless scenes and some CGI.
Re-dub a more coherent explanation of the aliens, cut some scenes (fridge, some of the monkeys…) and reedit it all a bit… and it would not be as bad.
It would still be the worst of the bunch, but it would be just sub-par.
Not as good as the other Indiana Jones movies.
Star Wars prequels on the other hand are simply not salvageable.
Too much of it is just plain bad.
“some poorly executed CGI.” CGI is only bad this decade when you can easily tell that it was done on a green screen. When it fits the overall aesthetic of the movie (e.g. sci-fi, fantasy) it works, or it’s even better when you don’t think of it as an effect at all.
I want to take a moment to make an argument that some people here may find offensive/wrong/heretical. Here it goes:
The thing with the fridge in Crystal Skull is a good Indiana Jones-type set-piece
Okay, I’m not going to claim that the execution of the fridge escape was well executed, because it wasn’t. But in concept it’s exactly the same as when Indiana Jones & Co. jump out of a plane in Temple of Doom and use a life raft as a parachute. In both cases if someone actually tried them they’d be screwed, but they both have a pseudo-scientific concept behind them which is kind of plausible. Life raft creates wind resistance, lead lining protects from radiation. Both are bullshit, but in Temple of Doom, the life raft is in the context of a much better film, and impossible to interpret as a totem of a nonsensical, disjointed, and CGI reliant mess.
That’s exactly what I mean by “poorly executed”.
Plinkett makes a good point. This should have taken place in either Russia or one of the other Soviet Union states. A lot of history there, he could have looked for the mythical hidden library of Ivan the Terrible (some kind of holy book) to prevent it being destroyed by the communists (or from it being used as a McGuffin), or looked for some treasure ship from Peter the Great days, or even handled communism itself by looking for something that was devised by the mystic Rasputin and had something to do with the revolution. The series always had supernatural elements, not sci-fi (even though they try to blend it into the the Mayan mythology in this one).
I actually wouldn’t have minded if the Beef did most of the action and Ford took more of a Shaun Connery role in this one. For example the Beef does some awesome action sequence while Ford stands by, and when the action is done and the Beef expects some praise, Ford would smirk and be like ‘been there, done that kid’.
Pretty much. There’s a subtle difference, but there is a difference between Crystal Skull and the Indiana Jones Trilogy (KotCS, does not belong with the first three movies). There was always humor in the Indiana Jones movies, and impossible stunts that defy physics, but in Crystal Skull they are presented in such a way that is too self-referential. It’s like they used the same ingredients to bake the cake, except this time, the cook was too old, used the wrong measures, and forgot to pull the cake from the oven in time.
When people want to defend Crystal Skull they often use the raft from Temple of Doom, the submarine ride of Raiders and the silly humor from Crusade. The comparisons never stand because the execution in those three movies was different. Those movies managed to keep the tension and excitement throughout their duration, Crystal Skull was all about making us know no one was ever going to really get hurt because it was like a Looney Tunes cartoon.
Whatever, man. The snake still looked fake, like something someone bought at a dollar store.
Janusz Kaminski was trying to replicate Douglas Slocombe photography so that it “looked just like the other three”. I believe he succeeded about as much as Spielberg did with “using as little CGI as possible” for the movie.
Packed with “pro” communist propaganda? What goddamn movie were you watching ace?
Weekend at Indy’s.
Only the accredited institute of postsecondary education known as: 32:47 (Part 1).
It’s so dense, every single image has so many things going on.
Fuck you, Rick Berman.
I honestly thought that Mutt was going to be in the movie for action sequences not just because it’s pragmatic but specifically for the example you mentioned and it would’ve been a nice yet different throwback to Connery’s impatient indifference during the motorcycle chase.
Also, I didn’t really understand why the time period had to match Ford’s age since Indy does drink from “the cup of everlasting life” and the knight he meets was doing pretty damn well for his age. In all honesty, they could’ve had a modern setting and have Indy, Mutt, and actually decent supporting characters stop the “December 21, 2012” thing. Since the concept is so familiar yet vague, the old shtick or an actual attempt at a sci-fi type crossover would be possible.
With that kind of setup, the ultimate threat could be some ancient device that the Mesoamericans built, and there would be some Maya script or codex (some plot device other than a creepy paperweight) that some insane ancient cult is looking to complete the prophecy. That way, political censorship asshats couldn’t say anything when our heroes commit homicide.
And if they wanted to play it safe (which they obviously did), Indy could’ve been teaching some class in the beginning where he dismisses prophecies with some line like “archaeology is about uncovering the past, not predicting the future. If something hasn’t happened, we can’t find out facts about it, can we? -class laughter-“. Then he’d get some information about some ancient script that tells of death, destruction, disease (whatever) and the standard formula could play out nicely.
ok i just saw the nicolas cage thing “knowing” (i live in Melbourne, it was fun to spot local things.) and i think someone should edit the end of crystal skull to use the alienangel ships from this crap…. wouldn’t save the movie. but it would look better.
“Where’s Paul Verhoeven when you need him?”
*shedding tears* *sniffling* Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have said what every American film for the past fourteen years has made me feel.
You need protection from a lot more than radiation when a nuclear bomb goes off lol. The radiation is what kills you when you aren’t close enough to the blast to be instantly incinerated.
And I don’t even think an argument could be made that any of the other ridiculous shit in any Indiana Jones movie could even compare to surviving an atomic bomb blast… xD
Your callback list should include Indy couting shit. “One, two, three, four, (X marks the spot) and/or (it’s d’aurreanos crew).” Great work on these reviews.
Are you French-Canadian or something? Adding the syllable requires spelling the word differently, ergo it’s a different word. That makes it incorrect.
1) People getting called for the mispronunciation of nuclear has been occurring since long before any of us had ever heard of Dubya.
2) The tomato example is a matter of how one stresses that vowel. Nucular is a completely different word, an incorrect one.
Actually, snakes can and have been used as ropes as a way to pull someone out of a sand pit or quicksand. This is pretty common knowledge, you dolt.
Truth. It would have been great if it took place in modern day, Cup-Of-Life Indy has watched all of his friends die and is permanently retired, but the government — who’s been keeping tabs on him for decades — draws him back in for one last go-round.
Yeah, that’s true. But Indy didn’t know that. No one knew the power these items actually contained. The Ark could have been a super weapon for all we know. I’m sure if the Nazis knew it would kill them, they wouldn’t have opened it, or they would have sent it as a “peace” offering to their greatest threat.
But without Indy the Nazis would have retrieved the ark and tried again.
You only think this is a problem if you completely miss the existential underpinnings of this entire series.
Kings being served snakes, soup of eyeballs and the desert. Yuck!!! Since when did kings in India eat these? Who told the producer this? Stupid producer with lack of basic knowledge. And what gives him the right to show such insulting stuff?? And making fun of worshiping idols. The worst movie…couldnt watch because of utter nonsense! Probably made in 1984 when the western world had little or no idea about India and the other countries on the other side of the world. LOL! I was pretty surprised that Amrish puri said yes to acting in this shitty movie. Indian kings never ate this kindoff stuff. It was so stupid to show this and give a misguided look at India. Insulting india was the only thing it managed to do…The director and writer lacked basic common sense and lack of knowledge about the eastern world.
Hello. First of all, my name is not Patrick Johnson. I was born in Canada and my parents are from India (Malayali). I can’t be lying. If I was lying I wouldn’t know what the hell a Malayali is.
Let me just say that I loved Indian Jones and The Temple of Doom. My Dad thought it was hilarious and entertaining as well. That’s because neither of us take our culture (or ourselves) too seriously. If you’re complaining that this movie was unrealistic or offensive in its portrayal of “Indian culture”, you’re missing the point entirely. You’re like M. Night Shyamalan. You’re some narcissistic Indian who can’t laugh at himself or accept any criticism.
The really ironic thing is that if you actually go to a Hindu Temple, you will see gigantic red statues of creatures with gigantic demonic heads. These statues really do look Satanic. All of the occult practices such as palm reading, horoscopes, louija board and crystal balls basically come from Hinduism. Their half-man, half-animal gods look like something that a demon from hell would create – not human beings. Hence, the idea of portraying Hindus as devil-worshipping, human-sacrificing lunatics is not entirely off base.
What do you mean?
Actually the Torah/Old Testament, which is the only source anyone would know about the Ark from, seems pretty clear on the fact that anyone who does not treat the Ark with the proper ritual respect will suffer misfortune or outright die. It is implied (or stated outright) that Yahweh resides in the Ark and that anyone who gazes upon him (such as by opening the Ark) will die. Also the Ark regularly brings destruction to the enemies of the Israelites i.e. Jews. And since the Nazis very much qualify as ‘enemies of the Jews’, basically everyone involved should have already realised that opening the Ark or trying to use it AGAINST Jews could not possibly have ended well. In fact, Indy explicitly tells Marion to close her eyes when the Nazis are about to open the Ark, implying that he DID know that looking at it would kill you.
The Grail thing wouldn’t have worked, you have to keep drinking from it to keep living, which is why the knight was still hanging out in whatever the heck they were calling Petra in that movie, because you can’t take the Grail with you and you need it to live.
Lol is the little pagan offended by superior movies? and what’s wrong with making fun of idol worshipers? the ****ing idiots think a piece of wood/metal/stone is gonna help them?
Go die of starvation insect.
Really? What could Paul Verhoeven have done to improve, say, Paul Blart Mall Cop?
I’m never going to stop loving that this review is, in significant part, a critique of Plinkett fans.
Both of you guys are so far from being coherent and relevant and understanding… anything that I’m wondering if I’m being trolled.
Strangling Kevin James.
Then you’d just have a movie without a protyman. That would be even worse.
George Lucas and Steven Speilberg NEED to see this
Marion would have died horribly, though, when the Nazis attacked her bar.
Whether this “matters” to Raiders of the Lost Ark is up to the individual, of course.
Lucas and Spielberg need to quit making movies. Spielberg is too formulaic and Lucas is just plain fucking retarded.
I would pay to see you use my snake, as a rope .
George Lucas addressed the critics and said they need to stop taking it seriously. Probably the stupidest thing he could have said. “DONT TAKE MY MOVIE SERIOUSLY”
He also said the original Star Wars prequel was made for children, which is clearly idiotic. Eh, what does he care, he made his billion.
The whole point about Indiana Jones murdering people was spot on and I remember my brain did notice this but I couldn’t quite articulate it.
My first Indy movie was Temple of Doom and that movie is brutal. In the other movies, he kills people left and right. Crystal Skull was too tame.
holy shit LOL
Hold on Hold on Hold on….. I like Indiana Jones…. SNIFFF
Yeah, this is post Schindler’s List Spielberg who apparently decided guns were dirty and bad. Witness no one doing what would have happened in Jurassic Park and gunning down dinosaurs left and right.
Five year old me growing up briefly considered that dinosaurs were inherently bulletproof. Flash forward a few years later on a boar hunt I saw an old monster with one of the thickest, most resilient hides in nature get dropped in one shot from a 30.06.
Flash forward ten years later and I read up on how modern birds are evolved theropod dinosaurs—and after recovering the preserved tissue of a T-Rex and finding out that the closest thing in nature to it is a turkey—and now I’m not only mad they didn’t kill the T-Rex with a hunting rifle but also that they missed out on the biggest thanksgiving meal in the history of civilization.
Remember, Indy talks about the Ark with great knowledge to the FBI guys. He even quips ‘didn’t you guys go to Sunday school?’ at the beginning of the movie. We get the impression Indy and his father split ways due to a few things, religious overbearing being also heavily implied. So, young Indy went to Sunday school because his daddy forced him. Young adult Indy becomes an atheist very interested in the science of man. As an archaeologist with only an intellectual knowledge of Biblical text he sees the Ark as a great find “for the museum.” And those beams of light? Power of God, or something, if you believe in that sort of thing. And by the end of the movie, Indy experiences what a lot of us can only hope for: physical, undeniable proof of the existence and power of the God of the Israelites. And Indy and Marian walk away, hand-in-hand. Step forward a little bit and it’s Indy and his dad who finally make amends. A lot of prophetic stuff for some simple adventure movies, all of which were a reflection of what Spielberg and Lucas were personally going through in their own lives at the time. And there’s Crystal Skull. Eye roll.
If we’re being pedantic, Vin Diesel drives an FD Mazda Rx7 in the Fast and the Furious. I’ve binge-watched so many of these reviews today. Shout out to Mr. Regular and Tavarish for pointing me your way.
That time when Plinkett admits he wants to fuck kids and other old people.
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