New Alien Commentary Track!

March 14, 20153,659 Comments

https://redlettermedia.bandcamp.com/track/alien-1979-commentary-track

Mike, Jay, and Rich Evans watch Ripley Scott’s 1979 film, Alien and talk about it. Since that film is soooo borrrring they also detour into talking about the entire Alien franchise as well as other things like Rich Evans’ Grandmother’s Christmas nightmare house. Learn stuff about Alien, hear Rich Evans laugh, and have a great time!

Filed in: General UpdatesHalf in the Bag

  • tOmy`

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIRST.

    I mean, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAME.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh fuck yeah… digging through the bluray pile right now!

  • tOmy`

    Crap, I have it only on VHS…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    hahahaha! comment first bragg later.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    shit i wish i did! they wouldn’t sell it to me as i was 3 when it came out…. fucking racists!

  • tOmy`

    I have that collector’s edition. Somewhere. I think it has all 4 movies tho.

  • Buk Pravon

    Let’s see… nope. I’ve got nothing better to do. “Alien” here I come again. 🙂

  • tOmy`

    Oh my god, this is our life, isn’t it…

  • Fred Frink

    Chappie sucked , really sucked, and now i thinking this alien remake will too. Hopes dashed again.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yyyyyyyyeeeeeep!

  • Buk Pravon

    Yes! 😀

    Isn’t it amazing!?

  • Fred Frink

    GAME OVER man

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i have a bunch of Alien and Aliens DVD’SBluRay’s
    AND NOTHING ELSE! from the franchise.

  • Guest
  • Andrew Thompson.

    we’re screwed!

  • Fred Frink

    Oh the fassbender ‘David’ prometheus teaser is the best thing about alien in the past 25 years or so.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWmbqH_z7jM

  • Fred Frink

    boyz 2 men: hacks in the hood

  • dollar store cashier wife

    OH GOD YES

  • dollar store cashier wife

    We didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose us.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Why must you do this while I’m playing Cities: Skylines?!

    WHYYYYYYYYY.

  • omitted

    Jay is starting to look like a guido. I’m not sure I like it.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Are you okay? Do you have a fever? Measles and polio getting you down?

    Because that’s unheard of coming from you, Mr. Omitted.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Spring Break 2012!!!!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Wut Wut.

  • omitted

    Maybe I’m just tired. Out of the last 52 hours I’ve slept like 7 in total.

  • Mr. R

    Fuck off, guest

  • Mr. R

    I hope they discuss the bonus situation

  • varagor

    Is this for the theatrical cut or the director’s cut? I need to know which one is so I can sync it with the video.

  • Bubs

    Just when I think you hacks can’t get any more fraudulent, you go and do something like this…

    AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELVES!

  • Mr. R

    Theatrical

  • tOmy`

    Where the hell do I “buy” theatrical cut?

  • Bubs

    Who the fuck buys movies? Ain’t you never heard of the in-vitro-net? You can watch free movies in eutero on line!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    torren…-uh I mean try your local Kwik-E-Mart

  • tOmy`

    Torre-uh has mostly DCs. I found one I can “buy”, but Rich on a cross, it has 7gb.

  • tOmy`

    We call it buying on the interwebs. We are scared of KGB in this country. They ride black bikes.

  • They didn’t change the script that much in terms of dialogue.

    They did originally try to get rid of the ALIEN in the ALIEN movie though. Yep. It was going to be a government experiment.

    O’Bannon gave us Giger being attached, and O’bannon gave us the truckers in space vibe.

  • Rubric Marine

    From the description on the store page its the 1987 theatrical cut.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    my ex wife was an alien

  • Mr. R

    O’Bannon thought the finished product was amazing

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    We won’t talk about this comment in the future. It never happened.

    Jay will never know.

  • famousmortimer

    I’m also stumped as to where I can find the theatrical cut. Unless it’s on the blu-ray box set?

  • My ex wife

    Only until I got my green card.

  • Adzl33t

    Well there cheap dvds of the theatrical cut

  • Sammy121

    If the do, then they are looking at total forfeiture of all shares.

  • Sully

    We’re in some really purdy shit now, man!

  • Adzl33t

    Aliens is one of my favorite movies of all time, but yeah it contain to much awesomeness to talk over, so the duller Alien should be fine for a podcast

  • Markham

    Is this Red Letter Media? We have a Rich to scratch.

  • phillysportsfan

    jay, stop saying “like” so much. you sound retarded.

  • Michael Collins

    That’s right Jay!

  • phillysportsfan

    yaphet kotto is jewish.

  • phillysportsfan

    harry dean stanton is illiterate.

  • phillysportsfan

    “it’s important to use magnetic glass.” the russians just used plastic.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Lets nuke the site from orbit, its the only way to be sure.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it fucking literally just took 2 hours to log back into Disqust. i am dis… well you get it.
    see you in the morning.

  • Enoshima

    Would you pay to watch them masturbate? I know I would.

  • Enoshima

    Pay what you want for it. *wink* *wink* *wink*

  • Enoshima

    Jay is to blame for Rich’s death. He keeps getting sexier each year, he couldn’t handle it anymore.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    not to piss Omitted off but, Jay i make the cutest little cannons….. https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Y4gb-8Eh2gU/VLIwYrr95yI/AAAAAAAAAGY/nnJHaiY9tXc/w758-h569-no/DSC_0054.jpg

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Rich cannot die. gods dont die.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    in Utero?
    Edit: no, euro i get it. sorry, its 0229 hours here.

  • sepiajack

    Wow this is so weird, my fiancee and I just rewatched ALIEN last night, completely at random, I was grabbing for Amelie off the blu ray shelf and grabbed the wrong disc and didn’t notice until we had already left, and now THIS commentary is up. I am fortunately very primed!

  • Andrew

    Hey! Game Station. I have memories of that.

  • Percy Gryce

    Was Jay standing on a box–again?

  • Percy Gryce

    They referenced a cultural artifact of which you have some vague knowledge.

  • blue

    Jay makes up for his tiny height in other areas…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    your not me! stop making B5 references!

  • Percy Gryce

    The Pirate Bay here I come!

    Ohhh . . . .

  • Percy Gryce

    Like his well-groomed mustache?

  • A Guy

    This is great! But…

    You’ve triggered me. I know more about Alien than I do about any other movie, I think. One thing that I want to clarify:

    They don’t land the entire Nostromo + rig on the planet. They only land the Nostromo. They leave the mining rig floating in orbit. There’s a short scene of the Nostromo uncoupling from the rig.

    One other thing: the condensation in the Brett room makes sense. That room contains the legs that allowed the Nostromo to land. It was out in the planet environment, which was mad misty.

  • Percy Gryce

    Nerd.

  • Evertale

    That’s right, Guest!

  • David Martin

    90% of us here are nerds including Mike, Jay and Rich so that’s a bit redundant to say.

  • David Martin

    Alien is by far the better movie in every way. Aliens is great for a dumb action flick but that’s all it is.

  • David Martin

    just torrent it. try using ‘alien tc’ or ‘alien theatrical’ in the search engine.

  • A Guy

    fite me irl m8

  • Percy Gryce
  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Palpatine

    The new Alien film will ignore 3 and Resurrection? Is my foreseeing of the film coming true?

  • Kaze

    When do we start the commentary so that it syncs up properly?

  • Sully

    WHY DON’T YOU PUT HER IN CHARGE!?

  • Palpatine

    I agree, even though I wouldn’t call Aliens dumb.

  • Sully

    From the Commentary Page:

    IN ORDER TO SYNC WITH THE FILM: Start the commentary right when the 20th Century Fox logo completely fades to black. This commentary is synced with the original 1978 theatrical cut of Alien and NOT the director’s cut.

  • Sully

    Geek.

  • Sully

    Rich didn’t die. His mortal form was martyred in the name of Himself.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Why didn’t you guys use the Vulcan $5 bills instead of the $100 bills in your video?

    Benjamin Franklin’s never even been to space.

  • andypants1989

    They didn’t once talk about the actual movie they were commenting on. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

    Would have liked to know why Jay thinks it’s the only good film in the series tbh.

  • Palpatine

    Who else here likes Alien more than Aliens?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    always n forever palpy.

  • Palpatine

    Both are great films, but I like the first better.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Percy Gryce has ridden a Moose bareback through the Canadian wilderness.

    He could totally fight you.

  • Sully

    I like both equally for different reasons. I can’t really compare them because, while belonging to the same film universe, both are completely different genres and styles of filmmaking, and both are completely competent films.

    *sigh*

    I miss movies.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Alien is the only film in the series I would deem great(everything else ranges from mediocrity to utter shit)but I’m an extreme minority with that opinion.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I don’t like either because you’re not in them, Palpy.

  • Percy Gryce

    Benjamin Franklin’s never even been to space.

    I don’t know. Check this out:

    https://americaniconstemeple.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/ben_franklin_vs__zeus_by_sharpwriter-d4hjp6a.jpg

  • Never_Clever

    He mentions in the Prometheus review that Alien > Aliens due to:
    1) Not Action Schlock (Aliens doesn’t necessarily fall into that cat. though).
    2) Guise of sci/fi but is really a slasher in space.

    (He does say that the world building and crew feel very real in Aliens).

    (They do like Resurection based on that it doesn’t take itself seriously)

  • I though he stunt doubled for Bishop in Alien 3. http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/avp/images/5/57/Bishop_Alien_3.jpg

  • Domo_Konnichiwa
  • Kaze

    Thank you! I thought I looked everywhere for that information but it was in the most obvious place.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I like Alien more because for the genre that it’s in, and the subject matter, the buildup of suspense and terror can’t be beat.

  • halycon

    it’s a good thing because if you have the director’s cut like 10,000% of people in the world it’s okay because they still match up.

  • Jason

    I can’t wait to watch the remake reboot ripoff sequel to the Aliens films by The Director of District 9! I can only hope that the directors of The Sixth Sense and The Matrix will also be involved.

  • halycon

    ‘alien’ is a better film. ‘aliens’ is a better movie.

  • quick_moranis

    Yeah, I prefer Alien 3 over Aliens also. Alien is one of the greatest movies period imo

  • Hilary Manfat

    I prefer Alien overall, as Aliens is too ‘America f*ck yeah’ and ‘go marines, go’ for the first 45 minutes, which gets on my tits. It’s only when they get wasted by the Aliens that I start to enjoy it. Also, the special effects look dated even compared to Alien.

    I can understand why some find Alien boring, because it’s a film designed to build up tension slowly and atmospherically. Aliens is more entertaining on a basic level, and has more quotable dialogue. I suppose it just depends what kind of movie you’re in the mood for. I’m glad Cameron went a different route though, as a repeat of the first one really would have been boring.

  • Mark Bisone
  • runebee

    What happened to Ridley Scott?

  • Mark Bisone

    I guess he hasn’t had enough sequels yet.

  • tOmy`

    SHOTS FIRED!

  • Now I Get It

    Hell, yeah, but only if he undicks himself from the moose first.

    In Canada, Moose barebacks you.

    Uhm, why are we capitalising “moose”?

  • tOmy`

    *Ripley

  • Red Skeleton

    Love the Game Station self-jab. I’m assuming I’m not the first to say so.

  • tOmy`

    Man, I miss wearing “skate boots”. I loved them.

  • tOmy`

    Same here. Although I would say Aliens are “easier” watch for me. It’s one of those movies I can keep on watching all the time, while always hoping that the ammo count will drop to zero.

  • Palpatine

    What was that black goo?

  • Mark Bisone

    Personally, I can’t wait for the Blomkamp version of Alien. Ellen Ripley will finally get the chance to explore the alien’s rich cultural heritage, check her mammalian privilege, fall in love with an alien, then join forces with it to fight Megacorp International – an evil corporation hellbent on providing the ignorant masses with goods and services.

  • tOmy`

    A metaphor about the movie’s script.

  • Palpatine

    Questions will be answered.

  • tOmy`

    Maybe that’s the trick! Just shoot a movie that is absolute incoherent mess, leaving people with enough of questions so you can fill another 3 movies with answers.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of Prometheus: There was a sequence when I almost punched my laptop screen. I dunno if I remember it correctly (and I am NOT watching it again) but does someone else remember the moment, when the old guy gets hit by the big alien thing, saying something along the lines of “there is no God” or some bs. Uhm… excuse me, didn’t your maker just hit you square in the fucking face?

    Followed by the dying android saying something like “I’ll see you on the other side.” What? Why did he say that? It makes NO FUCKING SENCE both in the context of the movie or in the context of being a fucking robot.

    Jeeez. I need a beer now. But hey, as I said, I may remember it wrong, because by that time, I was trying to deprive my brain of oxygen just to get it over with.

  • its called bleach

    well me but the thing is better sorry

  • Mark Bisone

    That’s a very roundabout way of saying “Percy had sex with Taco Nash”.

  • Oh yeah, he did. In Resurrection. http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wEn22-kffi0/hqdefault.jpg

  • Mark Bisone

    In Canada, Moose is also an official government title. Although, to be a stickler about it, it should only be capitalized in conjunction with the animal’s name (e.g. Moose Bullwinkle of Blind River, Ontario).

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Are the evil corporations’ slave laborers aliens or mammals?

    And which species has the right to unionize?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Because that’s the polite thing to do in Canada.

  • Red Skeleton

    I haven’t seen Prometheus, however the first sentence of your post reminds me of this video so I’m posting it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIf5XvFrBFo

  • Red Skeleton

    How can there be TWO Andrews?! Well, I mean besides all his sock closed accounts.

  • Creepy Skeletor Hand

    Typing this as I listen to the commentary. Fun as always. However, you guys asked several questions/came to incorrect conclusions about things I would think you’d have picked up on with multiple viewings in prep for a commentary, even a humorous one, but I could see how you three might have decided to just half-ass it. 🙂 I mean I didn’t read all the comments before posting this, so maybe I’m repeating others, but who cares?!

    The Mother computer core always looked like that. It was supposed to feel like being inside a machine brain. Also, older industrial computer systems had the lots-o-lights features so you could tell exactly what calculations were being made and when and where faults in the system were occurring. They just went crazy with it because movie! and future stuff!

    The deleted scene with the cocoons had Brett’s corpse and Dallas still alive, both being turned into eggs. Dallas asks to be killed and Ripley flames the cocoons

    In theatrical Alien, the alien only outright killed Brett and Parker (and Kane, of course during birth), Dallas vanished leaving no blood, and Lambert … is assaulted while on an open mic, the implication from the alien’s approach to her and use of it’s tail being she was about to be penetrated differently than the men, for whatever reason. Based on the sounds she makes off-screen she doesn’t die instantly like the men and we’re not shown exactly what happens during or after, only Ripley’s reaction to finding her suspended corpse.

    The water/chain room: That chamber is where the landing gear retracts into while in space. Since space/shitty atmosphere of LV-426 is so cold outside the ship, when the strut was retracted inside, water from the ship’s internal atmosphere condensed on the surfaces and created the dripping “medieval torture chamber” look.

    For some reason all three of you thought the ship brought the refinery down to the surface. No. The Nostromo is a tow ship. It detached from the refinery, landed, then took off and reattached. All of the interior shots on the ship are aboard the Nostromo. The crew never accessed the refinery.

    Ash didn’t malfunction, he was carrying out The Company’s secret evil directives. In Aliens, both Burke and Bishop make noises about the Ash series being “twitchy” or “malfunctioning”. That was obviously a bullshit company line to cover up for the whole “we ordered the android to sacrifice the crew for Profit!” bad press spread by Ripley.

    Hicks did not get killed by the facehugger in Alien 3. He was impaled by a structural member in the crash. They had to mask the character’s face, including in the little shitty digital image that looks nothing like Hicks on the med display, because Biehn was fucking pissed they killed him off-screen and refused to allow them to use his likeness.

    Anyway, really enjoyed the series coverage overall, especially hearing from people who preferred different films, and/or saw them out of order. Keep up the entertaining me while I work, guys!

  • Mark Bisone

    The aliens aren’t technically slaves. However, they are profoundly unsatisfied with their current compensation package, particularly when it comes to their healthcare and retirement contributions. In protest, they have begun an aggressive campaign of biting skulls with their razor-fanged dick-tongues.

  • SkaMP

    Fucking hell dudes where the fuck did you get the time to build that whole space-ship set you’re on? and is that the patreon money I see you guys just throwing around?! also: Rest in peace Richevans, when is the sequel; Richevans 2: the richevansening coming out ?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    it was 3deep5u

  • Palpatine

    The John Carpenter one?

  • Now I Get It

    Yes, in Canada, where the moose is the featured villain of every fairy tale, and every child grows up to be either Taco or Me. By all means, let’s raise that animal’s self-esteem.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    They need to learn to apply for an higher paid administrative position a few months before retirement, and work overtime to reflect their pension salary to its best effect.

    Then they can retire in style, galavanting the galaxy on Nostromo Cruise Lines while their Roth IRA and duplex rental properties continuously build upon their nest egg.

    Protesting is so overrated.

  • its called bleach

    … yes. if i said the 2011 one that would be immediate cause to check my brain medicine. if i said the 1950s or whatever one that would make me legit as fuck but come on kurt russell with a flamethrower

  • MikeStoklasaSexualHot

    Glad to hear that Rich Evans is on the commentary track.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    SPOILERS.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Omitted can easily climb into those pants with Jay if he just asked nicely.

  • Palpatine

    What do you think happened to MacReady and Childs’ when the film ended?

  • its called bleach

    gay sex

  • Big Mclargehuge

    Just finished watching/ listening to it. Laughed when they brought up their alternate horrific airlock ending to Aliens.

    Is this what they had in mind?
    https://youtu.be/YcFnvULy8zA

  • its called bleach

    to be more serious i assume they both froze to death, i think there was a video game where it turns out childs is a thing but who cares about that

  • Brack to the Future

    The old guy, Weyland, whose empire drives everything in the franchise is clubbed to death with a disembodied android. Does Hollywood/Business have to beat you humans over the head? AI is “dangerous.”

    The big guys are not necessarily the makers. They are the promulgators of panspermia, for certain, possibly what you humans might’ve called “Titan” in the past. Not the guys who made you or anything, as is evidenced by their overrun by xenomorphs in the hologram, and bone-pile. They are just as vulnerable.

    Put down the beer and watch Prometheus from the perspective of the AI, David, and you’ll see precisely how hard it is for an alien such as myself to reach you “people.” There’s no saving you animals.

  • ninja egyptologist

    Wait, Rich dies? Spoilers!

  • Palpatine

    The two are rescued by helicopters and are taken to a hospital, where the Thing continues to stalk them. It’s later revealed that MacReady and the Thing are siblings, and that’s why the Thing wants to kill him.

  • Brack to the Future

    I’m gonna start selling an inline spoiler for my equipment that limits the tinnitus-inducing screech in my expensive speakers and headphones. I think Rich could ruin the high-end of my Blaupunkts.

    As a test I used these Dell speakers for the last Pre-Rec, and now Lorde sounds like Penn Gillette.

  • Brack to the Future

    Fun fact: I was Michael Biehn’s stand-in when he came to Denver to shoot a shitty film called Asteroid. I think HITB should rip that thing to pieces. Annabella Sciorra, Anthony Zerbe, etc.

    Also, Michael Biehn is a true American hero.

  • Alex

    Wait, wait. We have to show first, who made the evil corporation into a successful business, Steve Jobs style. And then we have to see how they made the concrete on which their headquarter was built on. Furthermore…..

  • Kaitscralt

    nobody finds Ripley in her underwear attractive

  • Bill

    Whenever I hear Mike on these commentaries he always sounds like he’s about to pass out and die in his sleep.

  • its called bleach

    i havent seen the commentary yet but did mike (why am i assuming its him) really think ash had malfunctioned? not to be autistic but thats pretty lame

  • its called bleach

    mike probably doesnt care about that nerd stuff because hes out there sleeping with qts while i sit here and listen to him talk over alien

  • Bubs

    I watched a video on youtube that vainly tried to explain the nearly infinite list of plot holes in Prometheus, then at the end they proclaimed Prometheus one of the greatest Science Fiction movies ever made. I won’t link the video because charlatans don’t deserve attention, but needless to say they were wrong and/or making things up to fill in the gaps.

    My point is: there are so many plot holes that you will never fill them all in. Any that you do manage to understand, will only create new ones. Which leads me to my thesis: Prometheus is not a movie. It is a plot hole generator.

  • Brack to the Future

    I think it’s because he’s officially “over it.”

    Movies fucking suck. They did then and they do now and it is really shameful that these become the history books of future archaeologists. After you all are oil-slicks or formalin-filled mummies, future historians with grant options will write books based on your disc-based archive.

  • Zarathustrian

    The first Alien movie is the boringest of them all. Alien 4 is clearly the masterpiece.

    No, but seriously, Alien 4 doesn’t even exist as far as I am concerned, and Alien 3 is more in thread with Alien than Aliens, which is just a popcorn action flick by James Cameron–a movie and franchise he was given a go at only because of the massive success of Terminator.

    Alien and Alien 3, I love ’em. And now I am gonna have a bloody good time watching it along with this commentary track. I bet it will be just as much fun as the Halloween commentary track.

    By the way, guys, you need to fix your main page here and put up a dedicated link to non-Plinkett commentary tracks so people can easily find it in the future.

  • Brack to the Future

    What the fuck is a Blomkamp?

  • Alex

    Well, since the movie is part of John Carpenters “Apocalypse trilogy”, one of them must be the Thing. My bet would be Childs though.

    There is a great short story by Peter Watts called ‘Things’, showing the events of the movie from the perspective of The Thing. Great read.
    http://clarkesworldmagazine.com/watts_01_10/

  • Bubs

    I don’t understand the arguments about whether or not Alien 3 or 4 or 4.35 should be considered canon or whatever. Alien isn’t exactly Star Wars. I’m just gonna say it, it’s not a very deep story, and whether or not 3/4/AVP happened doesn’t really matter.

    The list of things that absolutely HAVE to be in Blomkamp’s Alien movie is very short: Xenomorphs. That’s it. Everything else is completely optional and can be overwritten, because the whole rest of the universe is optional. It’s all window dressing to surround the central conflict: Humans V Aliens.

  • Zarathustrian

    Why do people talk as if Alien 3 isn’t part of it, or not any good? Yes, Alien 4 was shit, truly shit.

    Alien 3 is basically Alien in a different setting with different people. The Director’s Cut makes it even more of an experience.

    I think people hate Alien 3 is because it concludes the entire series and it doesn’t have a happy ending: Ripley dies. That is also the point of the movie, as was the point from even the first one–namely, to stop whatever use of these aliens to protect Earth and humans.

    And lastly, Alien 3 is a way better movie than that utter childish, tripe that Aliens was.

  • quick_moranis
  • Bubs

    They had the world’s craziest dick measuring contest arm wrestling match.

  • SkaMP

    click on “store” in the clicky bar thingy and then click on “commentary tracks mr plinkett and half in the bag”

  • Palpatine

    I haven’t seen 3 or Resurrection, would you recommend them?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    creativity bankruptcy

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Is Jay’s mustache in the photo a celebration of Magnum Pi day?

  • SkaMP

    We all *thought* it !

  • Kaitscralt

    ergo you find ripley in her underwear attractive

  • Bubs
  • Brack to the Future

    That’s one hell of a bush. It’s like rooting around under a juniper and discovering something slimy that accepts your finger.

    Still, I fap.

  • Brack to the Future

    I like the Gotye-style computer interface of Mother. It’s like 10,000 lighted teats all up in yo face.

  • Brack to the Future

    Prometheus is not shit. It’s possibly meconium, and in the long run there is a lot of amazing compost to be found.

  • Brack to the Future

    Pan’s sperm, yeah.
    (panspermia)

  • Brack to the Future

    I do. As an alien, sinking one’s florg into that hot beef bourguignon would be an indelible pleasure to be held until passing. That’s some tangy, hairy snapper.

  • Brack to the Future

    That’s at best a Quigley. How DARE you?

  • Cirric Fylenco

    God I just love the editing on RLM. As soon as you get the joke sometimes they just cut to the next scene…like at one minute in. Its jarring, but its cool and nobody else does that.

  • Mark Bisone

    Nest eggs aren’t cinematic enough, Domo. Unless of course they contain alien rape-spiders, like the small business SEP plan Fidelity set up for me last Fall.

  • Brack to the Future

    I know, riiight?

    Also Enlightened was totally snubbed. Deadwood passed without selling out, the Conchords ruined it for themselves and Sux Feet Under jumped like six sharks, one for each excessive season.

    The trick, William Potter, is knowing when to quit.

  • Cosmic Muffet

    Please remember to have the exact same conversation where Rich says there’s a version of the Alien 3 script where a bunch of power loaders face off against a bunch of alien queens in *every* commentary you do from now on. And Mike and Jay need to react the exact same way as if they’ve never heard it before.

    Then complain about Hollywood.

    I would love to hear that in the middle of a Step mom commentary track.

  • quick_moranis

    When I was like 7, kinda.

  • Zarathustrian

    I thought I made it pretty clear: Aliens 3 is a great movie, and the Assembly Cut is actually so good that it is now becoming somewhat of a cult movie/classic.

    Alien Resurrection (4) is total garbage. Well, maybe not total, but it isn’t a good movie at all. If you are an Alien fan, you should watch it just because. There are some cool things in it, sure.

  • Zarathustrian

    Well, whether or not you are just being funny or not: I never mentioned Prometheus at all, which would be Alien 5, actually.

    I was talking about the piece of trash called Alien Resurrection (4).

  • omitted

    Andrew, codeword: “Everything is fine.” *wink*

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If Rich ever were to die, he’d be resurrected on the second day (faster than anyone before him!).

  • Chucky Trousered Chimp

    What’s ironic about Prometheus is that it wasn’t the film Ridley Scott wanted to make about the Space Jockey. His idea was a film centered entirely around the Space Jockeys without any humans, with no English spoken and a story told primarily through visuals (in an interview, I think it was with Time or the New York Times (it had Time in their title), he compared this concept to Apocalypto’s use of an all-Maya cast speaking all-Maya dialogue).

    After the success of high concept, original Science Fiction films like District 9, Inception, and Avatar (say what you will about how original it is), he finally got some lobbying for it, but Fox, being extra stingy with a $200 Million budget, asked for a lot of changes. They brought in a dude to do a straight up prequel, which Ridley Scott didn’t like because it wasn’t as Science Fiction-y as he wanted it to be, and then Fox brought in Damon Lindelof to make that dude’s script into something more hard-Sci Fi (which, since Lindelof uses ambiguity as a crutch for poor conceptualization and plotting skills, you know how that turned out).

    I dunno about you guys, but Ridley Scott’s original idea for a prequel sounds like a hell of a film.

  • Brack to the Future

    Interpreted through David, yes. Subtitled? Your human peers can’t read.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Fuck Fidelity. I’m hooking up with Merrill Lynch. They have blood money. Alien blood money.

    Too bad it melts through my wallet. And my purse. And the sewer pipes below my house.

    What’s the number for Fidelity again?

  • omitted

    I… can’t… even…

  • Like Icare

    That makes it two then. Xenomorphs AND humans.

  • In all honesty, they could have kept the original script and just make the Jockeys speak English. I think everyone would get the point that it’s for the sake of convenience. This is beside the point. If Prometheus was supposed to be a prequel, even an indirect one why is the tech much more advanced than in Alien? What is the black goo?

  • omitted

    Do I seem like the kind of guy who asks for permission?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    You would ask if you were Canadian. I heard Jay likes Canadians!

  • Brack to the Future

    I think if you had Edward Jones your rep’d turn you on to the American Funds “operation Asian coup” investments. High tech, hi-def, hi-fi and high yield. Boo-yah!

  • omitted

    He’s a Shadow! Run!

  • Hm? What did you say? I can’t read.

  • Chucky Trousered Chimp

    I don’t have human peers. I’m a Chimp.

  • Brack to the Future

    Black goo is panspermia.

    Advanced Tech is hard-boiled eggs for a control panel? Is that really advanced?

    The language goes back to human root, like any alien would seek the lowest common denominator in human interface. Maybe the Phoenicians spoke this way, and it’s an important plot element. I speak from experience: with no expression of frustration implied, it is exceedingly difficult to converse with humans.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    check it out at urbandictionary.com

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s my interpretation too. Neither of them were The Thing, but they both die of hypothermia. It’s more depressing that way. The beat the bad guy, but they still don’t make it out alive.

  • Brack to the Future

    How is that ironic? Hollywood is a jackhammer dildo turning impacted shit to diamonds.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    All about Space Jockeys? No english spoken? story told primarily through visuals? So, The Alien Holiday Special.

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh no never again, my wife saw Dirty Sanchez in my history, went and hired 12 laborers at Home Depot. I think some of them are still in the barn.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Now, in my humble opinion, giving a context to the Space Jockey sucks the awe out of the Space Jockey scene in the first movie? The fun about it is asking what is it and where did it come from. Answering the question will always be a letdown.

    In my mind, the Space Jockey was the “trucker” equivalent of his planet, just like the people from the Nostromo were space truckers, and the cargo he was transporting got loose and killed him.

  • Like Icare

    Not quite on Aliens.
    Cameron got into the production of Aliens as a writer prior to making Terminator, as he had to wait for Schwarzenegger to finish Conan the Destroyer.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=V–gH9ayR-o#t=193

    Minutes later, Syd Mead talks about getting the script from Cameron and starting the sketches on the plane back from Florida, where he was a judge in the Miss Universe contest.
    Miss Universe takes place in July.
    Terminator came out in USA in late October.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Should’ve ended with a gunshot fade to black but whatev.

  • Mark Bisone

    Now that’s what I call trickle-down economics!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    When RLM says “watch”, you say ‘how many times?’. I know I do.

  • omitted

    *cumshot
    I can’t believe I still need to correct this one.

  • Like Icare

    Fucking mammaliarchy, oppressing and stuff.

  • Freddy Krueger Fan

    *masturbates with alien egg*

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m listening, and I can’t believe they couldn’t name either Gorillas in the Mist, Working Girl or The Ice Storm as non-sci-fi movies with Sigourney Weaver in them.

  • omitted

    Until they release something new, duh!

  • Thanatos2k

    It depends on whether you feel Ripley is a key element of an Alien movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Alien 3 would be fine if instead of having Ellen Ripley and Xenomorphs, it had “Helen Barnum” trapped in a prision colony with some other extraterrestrial monster. As part of the Alien series, I don’t like it.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Alien, for many reasons and for the fact that it seems to be the ‘source’ material for dozens of follow-ups, knock-offs, inspired bys, spoofs, goofs, uppers, downers, screamers, laughers…

  • Mark Bisone

    If only they could learn to appreciate the virtues of parasitic face-rape.

  • Thanatos2k

    “We wouldn’t get any of that money…”
    “Unless we capitalized on this craze and charged for an Alien commentary track!”

  • There’s one flaw in that plan. You can stream it for free.

  • Like Icare

    Wasn’t Working Girl a prequel to Blade Runner?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’d watch a one hour special of Xenomorphs (Xenomorphi?) scurrying around Hadley’s Hope preparing for ‘Life Day’. The variety special segments could be excerpts from the colonists video diaries being played by a young Xenomorph as they explore the station and get into all sorts of trouble.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Is this ‘Alien’ Alien or the slightly expanded ‘Alien’ with the cocoon scene and extended awakening sequence?

  • Bhazor

    Rich Evan’s died like he lived. Furiously masturbating.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Does he use a stand-in when he gets bitten? Who gets that job?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Yea, I want to talk about the bonus situation.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    The Alien deserves a bit more though – they’re the reason for the research that led to higher profits for the evil corporation. The corporation is like a university making money off its student athletes without compensating them. I say Xenomorphi deserve full shares.

  • Palpatine

    Furiously masturbating with an R5-D4 toy.

  • Like Icare

    What if it turns out that it is the ALIENS who need to check their privilege?

    Wouldn’t that be a surprise twist as they are basically either walking penises that kill things or suffocating rape machines that kill and impregnate things?
    Cymbalizm.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Rich Evans about making his own Alien movie: “I would do whatever they wanted me to do, as long as I was getting money”. Rich Evans is ready for Hollywood.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    That accounts for all the carbon scoring they found on his hands, those boys saw some action!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Remember when Riddley Scott said that Blade Runner was part of the Alien universe (nevermind the movies belong to different studios)? ( ._.)

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Every year, fans will take the journey to visit his gravesite at the Ron Wilson Iowa Animal Preserve.

    They’ll shower his tombstone with gifts of R5-D4s and tauntons, pizza rolls and Body Raps. The residents nearby will get sick of the Half in The Bag bumper stickers.

    But it’ll be beautiful to us. Simply glorious.

  • Like Icare

    Remember when he didn’t yet announce he’s makin Blade Runner 2: Replicant Boogaloo?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Does this mean ‘Spaceballs’ is in this universe, too?

  • tOmy`

    Well, I still didn’t hear this, so I am just gonna say that I am going to watch first 2 episodes of Fargo and then complain a lot. Or love it a lot.

    But you, lot, can keep on with your Alien gibbergabber. I don’t care. I already killed them all in AvP. And in AvP 2. And then I started hating Alien games as well. Good times.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I wanna listen badly, but can’t. Real life – you suck.

  • Mark Bisone

    Clearly the aliens won’t make any headway until congress finally passes the NIGHTMARE Act (Non-human ImmiGrants Hostile To Anything Remotely Earth-like).

    Remember to lobby your state representative. Space monsters are Americans too.

  • tOmy`

    Hey, at least you have a girlfriend. Mine escaped from the cellar yesterday. And no, I ain’t no idiot, I didn’t leave it opened (again). She chew through the wood.

    It’s pretty impressive what people can achieve when they are really hungry and thirsty. I have to keep that in mind for the next time.

    I am gonna buy a lot of food and soda and drink it and eat it while I install metal doors.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Are you going to install a blood lock? Because I heard those doors have shoddy construction.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    As my Grandpa used to say “Chloroform, chloroform, chloroform”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Apparently he isn’t directing it (no major loss) or writing it at all. But it will happen. With grampa Harrison Ford. As for me, I’m not interested. I dig Blade Runner somewhat, but not enough to get mad about it.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    And acting

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    And blood farts.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Btw, if you that is an actual break-up metaphor, I am sorry, but we are here to hear all the bitching and we can take it. It’s gonna be great. For real.

  • Bubs

    That sounds like an awful lot of work. There’s a little trick my dad taught me. It’s called “saw off her feet”.

  • Kaitscralt

    poor deaf bastard

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Type louder!

  • Bubs

    And porn.

  • tOmy`

    I don’t date anymore. I got hurt way too many times.

    Usually because they fight back.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Before I will leave you to your alienating discussions, why the fuck is none of you watching Gravity Falls. I wannna talk about the mid-season cliffhanger so bad!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    “Shovel, shovel, shovel”

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Right?!

  • Like Icare

    That does not quite gel with Lindelof’s version of events.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=C1MpCDGiHKk#t=243

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Somebody forgot to log out of their sock account?

  • omitted

    *suck

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Tape out

  • omitted

    Really?!

  • James Earl Jones

    But mostly porn.

  • omitted

    That Julia Roberts flick?!

  • Like Icare

    Don’t you recognize it anymore?

    That’s where you tried to choke Ripley with a magazine that one time.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you better love it you ignorant slut

  • Gavin Callaghan

    About Alien3- I forget where I read it, but one reviewer at the time described it perfectly: a bunch of mumbling, grimy, British actors in bleak industrial sets -it’s like an old episode of Doctor Who on the big screen.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    When is the Rich Evans music album going to be released?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    1:27

    WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAAAAAAAAACE?!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Girlfriend – “I was thinking it would actually be sad if he died.”
    Me – “Because you like his laugh?”
    Girlfriend – “Because I like him … I have a crush on him.”

    Rich ‘Cockblocker’ Evans.

  • James Earl Jones

    This might’ve been said a gazillion times, but whoever’s directing Star Wars VII — or, rather, whoever’s taking care of how that movie looks, should watch Alien. He/she/it/they should strive to get this sort of realism.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    And a colonial space marine falls from a ledge, because they forgot to install some railing.

  • Mark Bisone

    Erm, your cultural bias is showing.

    In many parts of the world, murders, kidnappings, acid attacks and strangulation-rapes are considered to be vital social traditions that trace back many centuries. Don’t be such a bigot.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    She just saw that I wrote “Rich ‘Cockblocker’ Evans” and started making pig snort laughter.

  • omitted

    *Knobgobbler

  • tOmy`

    I am having few beers with it, so I hope that won’t ruin it.

    So far loving the style and the vibe.

  • omitted

    You let your gf read what you write on this webzone? Not cool, bruh.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Pa Kent, I finally watched The Babadook.

    It got scarier as it went, until we started seeing the monster, then it got progressively less scary and more autistic.

    Overall I enjoyed it. No jump scares. Really good atmosphere and you cared about the characters. The monster actually meant something, too. A few parts were rather silly, though. I’d give it a 7-8/10. 🙂

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    A few select posts, yeah.

  • Like Icare

    They are NOT Let 3.

  • This was an unexpected treat! Thanks RLM! I agree with most of what you said except I want to give the new Alien a chance. It has been a secret wish of mine that someone would do a sequel that ignores 3 & 4. Their ages could be explained by super long cryo sleeps or malfunctions or some shit. I want Michael Biehn to get to be Hicks again. He said he was upset when they killed him but he regrets telling off Fincher because he’s Fincher now.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    by silly parts you mean the kid using ‘home alone’ style of traps?

  • Kenshiroh

    And also Charles S. Dutton, who murdered a guy in real life and then went on to play a garbage man in Fox’s sitcom, Roc.

  • RolandDeschain1 .

    This was great but I’m surprised Jay, as such an ALIEN fan, didn’t mention that it’s actually a fairly blatant rip-off of a Mario Bava movie called PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES.

    It’s pretty clear that O’Bannon and Schusett lifted the story from that, expecting that nobody would ever know.

  • RolandDeschain1 .

    He was recently on Adam Green and Joe Lynch’s podcast The Movie Crypt with his wife.

    Very intense guy.

  • tOmy`

    Just occurred to me: Has anyone seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?

    EDIT: FYI, according to trailer I wanted to post, I wouldn’t touch that shit. Talk about making bad trailers for great movies.

  • Like Icare
  • RLMkeepitup

    and thank goodness for that!

  • RLMkeepitup

    I found it the most scary of the alien films when I first saw it. They did the alien movement and attacks better.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Two guys walk into a bar. Hot chick says who’s that guy? THAT guy of coarse was Rich Evans.

  • Like Icare

    That’s even better. It’s gonna be great.
    Like Prometheus, but even better cause some hack will do it.

    I’m hatin on the game though, not the grampas.

  • My Saturday night just got a whole lot more exciting. Thanks, guys!

    (Also, can I just say how great it is to feel no judgment on here about not having anything planned on a Saturday night? I love you guys.)

  • RLMkeepitup

    Also stopping in to say thanks for this content. I secretly love the commentary tracks. Will listen tonight..

  • tOmy`

    Hey! We all know it, we just don’t talk about it. Feelings, brah / sis, feelings.

  • omitted

    A movie with a character literally called ‘Gay’? Is water wet?

  • tOmy`

    It’s a great, great movie – or at least unique and fun. Worth a watch!

  • tOmy`

    But that trailer makes it look like a fucking retarded comedy for some reason.

  • omitted

    Speak for yourselves, I spent almost six hours playing boardgames tonight… Yeah, maybe that doesn’t qualify as a crazy Saturday night either. Carry on, nothing to see here!

  • Bubs

    But I mean… even if all of this is true, which who cares if it is, Tom Riddle Scott was the director – which means he had (presumably) some creative control. He could’ve said “Hey Damon… You’re a fucking shitty writer, but I have to work with you. Your script sucks donkey cock and makes no sense. Go do whatever needs doing so that it makes some sense.” Or don’t, then have the editor take out all the parts that don’t make any fucking sense.

    But he didn’t do this. Which means all the failings of that film (which, besides the script, had all the right elements to be the best film of 2012) fall squarely on the director, The Riddler.

  • acrosticmcgee

    First their brushed, moussed hair in the last Half in the Bag. Now their clothes look new and clean. What does it all mean? I think they’ve sold all their belongings and will soon kill themselves. But I hope not.

  • Mr. R

    It’s awesome. Is there a link to Alien I missed?

  • Bubs

    One of the best movies no one has ever seen. A very fun, campy, modern film noir (oxymoron much?)

  • Bubs

    Why does it have to be a secret? It’s not like this is Pre-Rec or Animated Plinkett we’re talking about. Nothing to be embarrassed over.

  • Bubs

    Cumshot fade to Jack? Oh… oh god.

  • tOmy`

    Yea. Calling it “the fourth wall breaking, dark comedy based on noir detective books” is a bit mouthful. But I am glad that there are some people that saw it, because it’s just wonderful.

    Downey is incredible in it – I never liked him anywhere as much as in this movie. It just suits him the best imo.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Is the white noise from the gravestone shot the same as Jay’s vlog? Did Jay kill Rich in an extended fight sequence that was cut from the commentary?

  • Like Icare

    He laughter resonates in the ears of human females in a such a way that their procreative instincts are stimulated.

    Similarly to the way cats have adapted to sound like human infants crying.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52Wn-_R9uz4

  • tOmy`

    I still watch it from time to time just to remember the first time I saw it, not knowing where the movie is going to, bursting in laughter / shock-laughter.

    The second time something very similar happened to me upon going into this kinda movie without knowing was with A Film With Me In It. Also worth a watch or two – in this case, tho, I urge everyone to NOT view the trailer as it contains MASSIVE SPOILERS for the whole movie and the person behind it should be shot.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It begins.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Don’t skimp on the blood lock this time.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh, I thought the person should watch the original Star Wars trilogy.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yeah, Tapey does that too, but at least his girlfriend doesn’t know English or something.

  • Like Icare

    Are you saying I should check my cultural privilege?

  • Flaw Filial

    I have a family.
    None of them know of my secret identity as the magnificent Flaw Filial.

  • omitted

    Let’s just say I may have omitted telling anyone I know IRL about this webzone.

  • tOmy`

    You mean going back before filming the fucking movie?

    Don’t be silly.

  • tOmy`

    You know, after the first episode of Fargo, I would like to say one thing: Why do I even bother with movies anymore? Sure, I was surprised how many great movies I saw this year (surprise maybe because of my own faulty way of dealing with current cinema), but still: After the huge dump True Detective took on 99.9% things produced, Better Call Saul, a fucking spin-off, mind you, is already looking better than it’s “big bad brother”, GOT having a cult status for more than two years, Boardwalk Empire finishing as strong as ever and Justified keeping me on the edge of my seat…

    As Eminem put it: Say goodbye to Hollywood.

  • tOmy`

    I showed RLM to two people. Few others are just aware of the fact that I have a problem.

  • Like Icare
  • omitted

    Big part of it is that even the thought of other people looking at Jay makes me jealous.

  • tOmy`

    I am sorry.

  • Flaw Filial

    How’d you get a picture of me?
    I SAID HOW?!?!???!

  • Adzl33t

    So

  • Like Icare

    Cause they’ve gone around full circle and TV is the long show, while movies are compact beginning-stuff-end show now?
    Only portions got much bigger.

    Instead of 20-40 minutes of TV now you have to watch at least 2 hours of movie to get a complete story.
    And instead of 90-120 minute movie you have to watch 10 seasons of a show to get a complete story.

    You know. Progress. Bigger portions more often.
    But to achieve that, piggies and the moomoos must be kept in concrete bunkers, fed large quantities of soy and most of the meat is just fat and water trapped in all that fat and carbs in their meat, and they have to be injected with antibiotics and vitamin D cause they don’t see the sun anymore.
    Now they kill them by just shining a flashlight in their eyes.
    No… wait… that’s from Se7en.

    Piggies and moomoos are like a metaphor.

  • Like Icare

    I have a powerful friend who does that kind of stuff for me.

  • omitted

    What are you, a Candylandian?

  • tOmy`

    Hey, Czechs are nice when they drink!

    We are even capable of gyu… gil… guilt? But we usually forget all about that when we wake up the next day.

  • Daggoth

    You frauds outdid yourselves once again. Excellent.

  • RLMkeepitup

    but, I secretly don’t like those things

  • WrongWithYourFace

    He’s Gimli to Mike’s Legolas.

  • tOmy`

    I kinda like Animated Plinkett. Honestly. It’s not like I will ever rewatch it, but I never felt let down or bored.

  • Like Icare

    Close enough.
    San Pornando Valley is just on the other side of Hollywood Hills.

  • Like Icare

    That’s one way of thinking outside one…

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Suomi mainittu! Torilla tavataan!

  • Like Icare

    Time traveling. Or cloning. Or robots. Possibly magic… naah… that would be silly.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Alien franchise is so broken.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Nothing gold can stay.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And that’s when I release something new.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No gold can shine forever

  • Yeah, and I also like the idea that he was just a semi-sentient biomechanoid, part of his chair, flying through space almost like a migrating bird.

  • Sully

    Seriously? I don’t know anyone who hasn’t seen it. I, myself, own two copies (because I have a shit memory).

  • Cream-A-Thon

    All that is gold does not glitter.

  • tOmy`

    I am gonna repeat myself a bit and just gonna say: Because they forgot what Alien(s) is / are in the first place.

    Just an atmospheric sci-fi based around incredibly horrifying concept of an extra-terrestrial being – not a killing machine (like Predator), but, ironically, ultimate predator for a human being.

    Try to turn it into smart movie, prequel, sequel, story or one alien punching other alien and you shall enter the world of pain and anger.

    I know I am a bit skeptic, maybe even a bit cynical towards these movies, but would they really work without THE Alien itself? Hands down to H.R. Giger.

  • omitted

    Can-do-dians?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I tried showing the Phantom Menace review to a friend but he got bored of it in five minutes. Fuck that. I was so disappointed. And I share my dependency with my brother. But neither of them know about my alter ego.

  • tOmy`

    Really? I know (personally) one other person and that was just because I showed it to *undisclosed*. But hey, I guess it could have missed Europe.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You can’t be disappointed when you have no expectations.

  • Sully

    *All that glitters is not gold.

    I.E. The ALlEN Franchise is not a golden one, but there are shimmering flecks throughout.

  • Sully

    Or maybe I weed out friends based on what they watch? Does that make me shallow or socially economic?

  • tOmy`

    Well, both folks I mentioned liked / love Plinkett reviews (honestly tho, from different reasons and not as a whole thing), it was just the rest they never got into to – there is just too much stuff by now.

    But I was glad to hear my ex talking about how she loved Rich and his Star Wars trailer thing. It was short enough for her to watch it and it made her happy. So I am just throwing random parts here and there for her (like Oscar Buzz, because she loves that shit).

  • tOmy`

    Hey, that’s not nice! If I was weeding out my friends based on what they listen to, I would spend my Saturday night alone, at home, with beer, commenting with a fox.

    Wait…

  • tOmy`

    There should have been a “next to dinosaur bones” pun in there somewhere.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Agreed. Even in the Dan Hedaya one there were a few hints of clever but unlike ‘Amelie’I was not rushing back to the theater 5 or 6 times (once on campus, so that only sort of counts) or, had I been old enough, “The City of Lost Children” also by Jeunet.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    So, just to be sure, how many different cuts are there of the original Alien?

  • tOmy`

    Full disclosure: I knew about “alternative endings ideas”, but till now, I had no clue there were more than one.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Alien 5 – Part 1, Because We Haven’t Raped That Franchise For a While

  • tOmy`

    Ironically, it still cums acid.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Well, there’s the theatrical version and then there’s the 2003 director’s cut. That much I do know. Just wondering if there were any others.

  • tOmy`

    Here is a great example of my problem with “alien”:

    I saw Prometheus and LAUGHED as a small child during the “alien” moment towards the end.
    Two months after that, I re-watched Aliens and my reaction was: “Awwww, they are still so horribly awful, scary and cute at the same time.”

    That. That is my problem. I have no clue why (there are a lot of “childhood memories” connected with Alien franchise), but something got lost. Sorry. So I am gonna keep on being a cynical asshole towards this franchise that I, frankly, hold very dear to my heart.

  • tOmy`

    You scared me.

    I am still gonna rewatch The Wire every yea tho.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    there’s a special edition, but they may be just a package of both cuts in the one box.

  • Hamish Smith

    I fall asleep at night to there commentary tracks, they are just so soothing to listen to, if i ever win the lottery i’m going to donate 100k to redlettermedia instantly

  • Aliens:Colonics Maroons comes to mind as a recent example.

  • Like Icare

    It’s actually a misunderstandingdingding of the term “to sacrifice” – i.e. to make sacred.

    But since pagans don’t get the idea of the message being the medium but DO get stuff and people stabbed on an altar or nailed to a tree to please the gods, and Trimurti being WAY out there – dudegod makes dudeson by immaculate boinking and dudeson then gets nailed to a cross but comes back from the dead. And there’s a pigeon.

    Hell… they even took Hebrew for worship, translated it to Greek (eulogein) and Latin (bene-dicere) as praise, then when it got to English they pick a word meaning “to sprinkle with blood to make hallow” – blodison. I.e. Bless.

    And thus all those people praying to the blessed virgin are actually ordering Bloody Marys.

    There’s like this looooooong bar at the entrance to heaven… and you don’t get to go in until you drink all the shit you ordered. Cause somebody has to.

    They can’t just pour it down the drain, people will think that the sky is raining blood and that it’s the end days or some such shit.

  • Like Icare

    Hey… it’s the scary movie episode.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Fart jokes, eh Mike? The list of suspects for the deus-ex-flatulence storyline grows LOUDER…

  • Like Icare

    First one practically does.

    It never goes “I’m gonna take off my mask to show you my mandibles” like Predator, and when we do see it it is still clad in shadows.

    It’s the thing under the bed, in the corner of your eye, crawling on the ceiling dropping on you while you’re masturbating and biting you on the neck or running straight into your hair.
    Or ears.

  • Sully

    ‘xactly. Humans…. what a bummer, man.

  • ninja egyptologist

    Only shooting stars break the mold

  • tOmy`

    And the second drunken post in row – and now you gonna have to beer (bear?) with me for a bit: Rebooting and Going back to… (Unfortunately, two examples I am going to use are an album and a game).

    A year or two, Eminem went back to release his Marshall Mathers LP 2 – just by the name of the album, it was obvious that someone wants to pull our heart strings back to the time when his rap mattered. The full circle. The comeback to classic, if you will. And it failed, horribly. You have all the pieces there, just the execution is scary – it just does not fit. Because, and this is important, you have two worlds at play now:
    1) Oldschool fans, who were pulled back and started paying attention again; and
    2) New fans, who are this album’s 50% target market
    And when you try to connect these both worlds, all you have is… well, blend shit, black goo and lot of everything that amounts to merely nothing. You can’t have it both ways. You either fuck her in…

    Or, you know, that “cake” metaphor people use.

    Same goes with Half Life – we wanted it back, we NEEDED it. But Black Mesa story ended and while they brought back Half Life as an outstanding FPS, I miss the claustrophobic feeling, get-out-of-here aspect, generally – the game I wanted to play again.

    And that is the problem (for those poor suckers who went with this comment till now):
    There is hardly any “again”. Future is here, suckers. This is now and what was back then… well, most likely stays back then. You simply cannot re-do / reboot something for the sake of old times, because these times? They are gone. I may sound depressing, but that is not the case at all. It’s just letting go. Things changed, situation changed, people became parents / grandparents, target market shifted and the hope of hitting “both balls out of the park” is… well, fiction at best.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “extended fight sequence”

    I can’t wait for the Director’s Cut of Space Cop! It’s gonna be great!

  • Sully

    Don’t be that guy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I hadn’t thought of that. Haha. I guess I’m saying some of the monster sequences, the mother’s reactions, and the message being not-so-subtle at the end. I may be forgetting key silliness parts.

  • Sully

    Depends. Did their sneakers look new? What about their “beer?” Did it look red… or purple?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Not cool that I have a gf?

    Don’t worry, we can still flirt on the side. 😉

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Jay’s facial expression in that thumbnail REALLY creeps me out for some reason. ;_;

  • Like Icare
  • Jaws Does Dallas

    maaybe he…is the alien

  • tOmy`

    ba-dum-ts-ts-ts-ts-i’ll-cue-you

    (are we still doing the Whiplash thing?)

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Thank you, Rich Evans!! For commenting on Jay’s strange duality of character!
    Ahh, I feel relieved…

  • tOmy`

    I miss the “beep-beep” sounds of the radar of the first AvP game…

    You know, Marine, on the “Director’s cut” difficulty, no saves, just terror.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I haven’t SEEN Whiplash. ._. Awwr……

  • tOmy`

    Seriously?

    Okay, here is the deal: You will watch Whiplash and I will, stranger, take that promised photo of my “wall of shame”.

    And in the end… well, I don’t know, we all win? You definitely.

  • Sully

    More than Mike’s?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    The Mike in the screencap looks like he could use a Colonic Maroon… :S

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That’s just a regular constipated-baby-face.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I can’t wait for the fraudulent sequel in 20 years!

  • tOmy`

    That’s one of those unwritten rules of this comment section, nah?

    I know he wouldn’t find anything THAT mesmerizing under my cheer-skirt, but I still tease him.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I will see it as soon as it costs me $4 or less to!

  • tOmy`

    We… we have different ways in Europe.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBH4g_ua5es

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Whiplash and Foxcatcher are both on my vaguely-can’t-differentiate-them To Watch list.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    you might just get whiplash if you try to catch sully by the tail

  • tOmy`

    Yep – but still – that something is still the alien.

    But you maybe nailed it more with the “thing under the bed” description. I want that feeling / concept. And I think that is Alien(s).

    Rest of it is just gravy.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    One day I will catch a Sully by the tail.
    And then I will coincidentally have a fabulous new stole. But I will be haunted forever after by snarky comments…

  • tOmy`

    I haven’t seen Foxcatcher, yet I am somehow comfortable with saying: Whiplash is better.

  • JVP – Jaws vs Predator

    you sound a lot like the academy award board members

  • tOmy`

    Ok, promise, last drunk comment: AvP game? Anyone? Terror? Fear? Punishment? 3 characters all perfectly representing what it’s like to be one of them?

  • tOmy`

    Hey, personal fav, mkay? I love music. I love Simmons. I am fairly sure Foxcatcher will not beat it.

    I thought Birdman might – and it did, as a movie. But I just love Whiplash more, because it was closer to home.

    I… I seriously doubt Foxcatcher will come any close to these two (from my personal opinion, of course).

  • JVP – Jaws vs Predator

    well he is a constipated baby

  • Shakes_McQueen

    Digging the new-ish hair style, Bauman. Oh, and this commentary track was alright I guess. 😀

  • JVP – Jaws vs Predator

    both

  • RLMkeepitup

    If you ignore the two avp films, promethius, resurrection, and accept the death of 4/4 central characters during the 3rd film.. it’s actually not that bad.

  • RLMkeepitup

    farts appear to be a repeating motif recently

  • RLMkeepitup

    Near the 14:00 mark Mike tells Rich to enter discussion stage left.

  • Rene Belloq 12 inch Figure

    is it the directors cut or the old original vhs version?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Try over-the-counter Gas-X Extra Strength oral, to treat your repeating fart motif! ™

  • Like Icare

    Which cake metaphor?
    The one where you make cakes cause you need something to be obsessive-compulsive about while avoiding responsibility because you fear failure?
    Or am I the only one who uses that one?

    BTW… Enemaman… not the best metaphor.
    Or fitting to the whole “heart strings pulling” thing. Wasn’t he closest to a heart-string song when he sampled Dido?
    Isn’t he all like… I’m angry cause I’m angry but I can’t quite place what about since now I’m like rich and famous and shit?

    There is actually a really easy way to do the same thing twice, as good as the first time or better, only different.

    First thing is you need to be competent and do the thing you actually want to do the first time.
    And that thing has to be something you KNOW.
    That whole “write what you know” thing? That’s what its talking about.
    Won’t work if it’s an accident and you don’t know what made it work.

    Then, make it either into a study explaining something you know, or tell a good story you know, or do a thing you know how to do and show that.
    Preferably, cover more than one thing and do have a story if you also want to make money.

    But KNOW which one of those things you are doing and keep doing THINGS LIKE THAT not like some other thing.

    There.
    Now you can make sequels forever.
    Oh yeah… I almost forgot. You must NEED to do that thing.
    It must have a meaning to you to show that thing to someone else.

    Writers do the “good story” thing all the time.
    Good ones also explain a thing or two. Or do “a thing” they do.
    ANY artist must have some thing that he/she NEEDS to share.
    Many people have very successful careers doing “that thing they know” while telling a story.
    People who draw comic strips, comedians, writers…

    If they’re any good, you might just keep coming back to hear them tell yet another story about what they usually talk about.

    But if they actually have something they want to explain to you, and they know how, and they put it in a story and make it into a thing they make (comic, book, song, film, joke, painting…) – then that stuff comes out as always NOW, no matter how much the things change.

    And if they don’t have their own idea or lesson of life they want to share – stealing works.
    Just ask those hacks Lucas, Nolan, Spielberg… Particularly pay attention to their stuff that failed.
    Ben Affleck is.
    That’s why his movies look like other people’s good movies but are still considered entertaining and even good on their own.
    He ain’t no genius artist… but he pays attention and is wicked smaaht.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    movies are dead. the corpse is just twitching.

  • Like Icare

    “This commentary is synced with the original 1978 theatrical cut of Alien and NOT the director’s cut.”

  • Fred Frink

    you dont need to watch it, its good alien chat

  • Palpatine

    That’s the “I just farted and I don’t care” look.

  • Palpatine

    That’s the “I just farted and I don’t care” look.

  • Jawsky & Hutch

    my puppy does that expression

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i know, i thought at least GitM was a gimme.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    dont hurt Sully, he so perdy…

  • Jawsky & Hutch

    all ya need for a great movie is boobs and blood, and the gratuitous lesbian sex scene (or 2) Hammer Horror knew this shit back in the 70s

  • Andrew Thompson.

    they barely reference whats on screen. its just a long conversation using the commentary conceit to package it.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Did you know it only takes a couple generations to breed foxes into pets?
    The floppy ears are the key to the whole thing… If we can make those work…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I could never tell if the commentary was in sync with the movie footage in my head or not…

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Hammer? I barely knew’er!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Anyone ever seen the Anime B-movie Lily C.A.T.?
    I saw that on the Scifi Channel (in the 90’s, prior to its contraction of Syfylis), LOOONG before I ever saw Alien (1979).
    When I finally watched the classic Ridley Scott film, I thought: “Wow, this has a lot of similarities to Lily C.A.T.!”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Hammer Horror!: Now with more HAM!

  • Jaws Ate My Baby

    thats ya call an homage

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yeah but domesticated foxes and wolves start mutating into dogs in a few generations. apparently the traits they breed for in domestication are related to morphology.

  • Jaws Ate My Baby

    which is french for rip off

  • Cream-A-Thon

    No, but I remember fondly SciFi Channel programming from that era. I didn’t think then those’d be ‘the good old days’ but here we are.

  • Jaws Bigalow – Male Gigolo

    rascist

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Mike Stoklasa being a friend to the Women’s Movement near the end there. :3
    (Now I’m getting mental images of him as a pudgy, moany white knight on horseback.)

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    The Japanese are really into French things.

  • Jaws Bigalow – Male Gigolo

    ooo thats kinda sexy

  • Palpatine

    ♫Show me the way to go home♫
    ♫I’m tired and I wanna go to bed♫

  • Jaws Bigalow – Male Gigolo

    good movie that

  • Palpatine

    It’s on AMC right now.

  • RLMkeepitup

    been there for days. They do a Jaws marathon.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    “And then she wakes up again and falls into another nightmare, and then she wakes up a third time and it’s another nightmare, and then she kills herself. And that’s the story of Ripley. *MERRY LAUGHTER* “

  • RLMkeepitup

    this is true, if you’ve seen the movie more than once you don’t even need it up to listen

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    3234 423 and…!
    These men are frauds!
    I have put an investment of 20,000 dollars in their Patreon.
    Next they will be hailed as the two capitalists of schlock!
    Ahhhh….
    They were just a couple of filmmakers who logged onto Patreon to make money.

  • Jaws Bigalow – Male Gigolo

    well said sir

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Thank you for making these commentary tracks, boyos. It was an enjoyable listen, as usual.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Looking forward to that avp : requiem discussion boys. I seen that turd in the theater and it’s a stinker of truly epic proportions. Jay isn’t the only one around here that enjoys others misery.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Never heard of Requiem. Was there an AVP: Revelations too? Producers seem to love that meaningless subtitle.

  • Jaws Bigalow – Male Gigolo

    i got that song stuck in my head now,… i had a little drink about an hour ago and its gone straight to my head…

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And don’t forget about Genesis! Or “Genisys” like the cool kids seem to call it now.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    “SEGA!!” Ohhhh, now I’m sad…

  • its called bleach

    i need more sleep. im at the point where jay is like this is 2001esque with these lingering shots and im zoning out staring at a bunch of guys lying in pods in their underwear and im like this really is a long lingering shot. i did this for like five minutes before realizing the movie had paused somehow

  • Palpatine

    So how did they wind up on Plinkett’s hit list?

  • Aliens is the one that blew my mind in the theatre back in ’87 or thereabouts. It was the first movie I was old enough to see 7 times, which was a lot back then.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Sounds David Decoteau-esque to me.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    have a nice cup of warm bleach and got to bed.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its a brilliant summation of the first three films.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Anime before bed always gives me such strange dreams.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    this should fix it.

    https://youtu.be/eHtuOgtlUjg

  • JVB: Jaws vs Bigbird

    what a great movie, come on boys lets have a drink and show each other our scars

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I really liked AvP 2010. and pumped a bajillion dollars in change into the arcade game in the old days.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’ll show you mine if you show me yours….
    Omitted is rubbing off on me.

  • Palpatine

    I got one on my right calf from when my former apprentice threw me down the mineshaft.

  • JVB: Jaws vs Bigbird

    yeah well what do you expect from somebody who thinks natalie portman is an angel

  • Palpatine

    Did you know I was on the battleship Naboopolis when it sank? It was during the Naboo-Gungan War.

  • JVB: Jaws vs Bigbird

    hehe see george now thats how ya write a script lol

  • Palpatine

    I’ll ya all about it, chief. I was a young solider then, years before I went into politics. Gungan bongos slammed two into our side, chief. We had just delivered the bomb, the Otah Gunga bomb. 1100 men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn’t see the first Opee-Sea Killer for about a half hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know, you know that when you’re in the water, chief? You tell by lookin’ from the dorsal to the tail. Well, we didn’t know. ‘Cause our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent, huh. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, chief. The Opee’s come cruisin’. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it’s… kinda like ‘ol squares in battle like uh, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Hoth. And the idea was, the Opee goes to the nearest man and then he’d start poundin’ and hollerin’ and screamin’ and sometimes the Opee would go away. Sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes that Opee, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a Opee, he’s got… lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eye. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin’ and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin’ and the hollerin’ they all come in and rip you to pieces. Y’know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don’t know how many Opee’s, maybe a thousand! I don’t know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin’ chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Theed. Baseball player, boson’s mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well… he’d been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Jaws, a Lockheed Star Fighter saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He’s a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Thompson, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water, three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29, 65 BBY (Before the Battle of Yavin). Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

  • JVB: Jaws vs Bigbird

    haha.. that would be a classic lol.. that has to be up there with one of the greatest scenes like ever.. lightning in a bottle that

  • Grandpa Seth

    RIP in peace Rick Berm- umm Evans. He lived a full life but we had to put him out of his misery after the gout made it too hard for him to get around.

  • Gabriel

    Ripley Scott

  • Cream-A-Thon

    For a second there I read your name as “Grandpa Sith”.

  • Palpatine

    Grandpa Sith would be me.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Only when the grandkids visit they want to kill you.

  • Palpatine

    My grandkids are in their 60’s by now.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Must be weird running into them at The Villages.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I seen the boy’s got a big bushy beard to hide his puffy monster face, looks like a damn Wookie that kid. You better talk some sense into him or give him some lightning to the face.

  • Palpatine

    That’s how I punished my kids whenever they’d misbehave. I didn’t use a belt, a bolt of lightning on butt did the trick.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I don’t want to talk about unimay TOO much, since I already mentioned Lily C.A.T. tonight, but… this is the most batshit-crazy badly-dubbed piece of 90’s-anime radioactive-poop I have ever seen! : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nvhv3V42nCI

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And CPS never knows the difference.

  • Palpatine

    I learned that the hard way.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And the goil – the goil used to be on the drugs, you know, nosecandy, and now she writes such nasty things about her mother.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “I am altering the restraining order, pray I don’t alter it further.”

  • Palpatine

    I did get my kids back though, and when I became Chancellor, I banned the Galactic Child Protective Services. Boy I sure got a lot of letter about that.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wow… “i will come back after i attend the class reunion pool party tomorrow.” is that really a thing?

  • Michael Collins

    OK, you don’t need to have any version of Alien to enjoy this commentary, cause they hardly ever mention what is going on in the movie as they chat..

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I know you banned them. All of them.

  • hybridm0ments

    Where can I illegally download this commentary? Also if you think the first aliens is boring you’re hacks.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I like spoofs of anime so I’m not opposed, so long as Stinkoman can be part of the conversation:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajo5O8Hvkag

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It will be good for your current mental condition.

  • Jon X Volquardsen

    Silent Running came out in 1972, that’s the only earlier use of the “space trucker” look I can think of.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Do they talk about ‘Dark Star’ at all? That sort of had it, being the nut that grew the might Alien & Aliens.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Only a two hour-long commentary track? What do I do with my life now, buy some Red Letter Media merchandise to plug the Rich Evans-sized hole left in my heart by these hacks? DO YOU LIKE TO WATCH ME SUFFER, JAY?

  • JVB: Jaws vs Bigbird

    wtf am i watching i…i my brain hurts Random: the Movie general agubu dabu of the gasgi mara in the tree of blaju tree in the greens of jajaju shu wow.. and you thought tolkien had a complicated plot

  • omitted

    Don’t say things like that if you don’t really mean it, Palpy 😉

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Oh my bloody gawwwwd…

    @redlettermedia found Mr Plinkett at Super London comic-con, he gave us free pizza rolls. pic.twitter.com/6OMibt1pJz— HarrisonTheHutt (@HarrisonTheHutt) March 14, 2015

  • omitted

    But it is always up whenever I listen to Jay…

  • omitted

    That’s the spirit I was looking for.

  • omitted

    Showing only your (undeniably sexy) knuckles and top of your head? Richdamn tease is right!

  • KingNewbs

    Ahhh, excellent, thanks. You just saved me a couple hundred MB in bandwidth 🙂

  • Bob Borries
  • omitted

    OH MY GAAAAAAAAAWD!!!

  • Jaws: ’68 Comeback Special
  • Zarathustrian

    You are probably right. Actually, I’ve been told this from some or other making-of documentary before.
    That doesn’t change the fact that Aliens is basically just another action movie with one-liners just like Terminator. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like Terminator, but let’s fact it: the first Alien movie was not an action movie with silly one-liners. That’s why I find Aliens so out of place.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it just stated here as well. is it shark week?

  • DarkFluffy

    First movie beeing boring is an insider joke. Watch the Star Wars sequels review and there Plinket is raging about the stupid kids from today because they say Empire Strikes Back is the worst of all movies because “boring”. Nobody who is sane in their mind would ever say the first movie is boring or bad. It’s a masterpiece and for much fans still the best Alien.

  • DarkFluffy

    Great video and I “agree” 😉

  • DarkFluffy

    I think they also have mentioned Dark Star in the “making of Alien”.

  • DarkFluffy

    Ridley from the game Metroid. Where a woman fights against a parasitic liveform in Space.

  • Thanatos2k

    Mike and Jay used to be indignant about how they liked Prometheus while everyone hated it, but now they seem far more disdainful of it than they used to be.

    As it should be.

  • omitted

    “Everyone is a bit too quippy. At inappropriate times.” Not sure if Jay is talking about Alien: Resurrection or the comment section.

  • Bubs

    Are there any nerdy girls who AREN’T into anime?

    ETA: Not to imply that you’re a nerd, Jenn… eh heh, eh… eh….

  • Bubs

    For anyone who was on the fence about watching the video, this image says all you need to know about it.

    http://s11.postimg.org/sj0pp5z2b/dafuq.png

  • Jaws: ’68 Comeback Special
  • omitted

    Jenny is the Mi(nge)stress.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    That’s right, Jay!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Yipee-ki-Jay, Mister Falcon

  • My theory on Alien 3 is that it began life as a completely different movie depicting the plight of coal miners facing a pit closure in an impoverished town in Northern Britain. Then Sigourney Weaver joined the cast, possibly in the role of Margaret Thatcher, and some bright spark at the studio said: “Hey, why don’t make this the third Alien film?”

    A few re-writes later and you have the first British kitchen sink drama to be set in space, with the miners recast as penal colonists headed by the late great Brian Glover: A wrestler/ actor who could have easily pinned the alien to the ground with one arm, leaving it with no option other than to pound its fist against the floor in submission. Glover would have performed this feat of strength while dressed in a unitard – the most masculine of all garments. In retrospect it was a mistake to hire Fincher as director. The obvious choice would have been Ken Loach.

    I was thinking about what it would take to turn the Aliens franchise into a cartoon that could be shown on Saturday morning:

    The Alien Queen would need to be re imagined along the lines of Skeletor / Mumm-Ra, and voiced by Dame Judi Dench, who is no doubt looking for new acting challenges following her tenure as M in the James Bond franchise. She has a sniggering facehugger as a pet and four alien henchmen, each distinct in some manner (one has tentacles instead of arms, another has bat wings and a chest-mounted rocket launcher). There are also generic alien goons who hatch from directly from eggs (no chestbursters).

    The Colonists are a typical family unit plus the ubiquitous gay uncle who is good with machines (along the lines of Panthro or Man At Arms). Naturally there are a pair of annoying children in the form of Newt and her brother.

    The colonists have unwittingly set up home on the site of the soul stone which is buried in a cavern deep underground. Every episode focuses on an attempt by the aliens to capture the stone so that they can recharge their spaceship and continue on their mission to invade earth.

    As this is a cartoon aimed at impressionable kids nobody gets their face bitten off. Both Aliens and Colonists battle each other by firing bolts of energy while leaping into the air. At the end of each episode there is some kind of heavy-handed moral message.

    A note to anyone from 20th Century Fox who may be reading. When this cartoon goes into production I demand Rich Evans be hired to provide the voice of Jones, the cat.

  • omitted

    Speak of quippy and Tapey shall appear.

  • Jaws: ’68 Comeback Special

    rich evans should be he-man

  • omitted

    I’m not really very, very, VERY gay. I’m just an android. Filled with cum.

  • omitted

    “They should have all gone inside the bunker and closed the door. Bring a bunch of food, ya know, not six months, just three days. Some fleshlights, ya know…” Mike seems to speak from experience.

  • tOmy`

    And there I was, just about to tease you with some more knuckles.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    *milk

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    We’re written by Joss Whedon toooooo?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I honestly remember that shorter comedic video they made much more than their actual review.

  • tOmy`

    Do we have anyone from Switzerland here? According to news, Swiss bought some expensive army radars. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to work properly in the mountain areas (read: basically whole Switzerland) as they identify cows on mountain sides as “enemy planes”.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Another victim of the insidious neo-feminist agenda. R.I.P. waaaang. :'(

  • tOmy`

    I know a bunch. It’s mostly books / games / music.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Well, now I don’t feel SPECIAL. :<

    (But I THINK there are some. Maybe.)

  • omitted

    You wishdon.

  • omitted

    I see who what you did there!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I admit nothing.

  • omitted

    But submit to anything?

  • omitted

    I wouldn’t mind some hardel action too!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Yes. It does hurt. Doesn’t it.

    (I will feed your pain to Jay and make him stronger.)

  • omitted

    @jenniferelisebunnell:disqus and @disqus_qSI8fsAl8h:disqus, you suspiciously appeared back here at the same time. And why your hair is all messed up and your clothes look so hastily dressed? Ooooooooohhhhh…….

  • omitted

    *brain

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    J-just because I’m wearing this quarterback outfit, DON’T get any weird ideas!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That_is_adorable.

  • omitted

    If you keep the helmet and shoulder pads on, we could make this work…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Just as in BDSM, the submitter is the true master.
    ……….
    ……….
    Minge-hypnosis!

  • omitted
  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    One pinky-toe into bisexual land is all I need!

  • omitted

    Let the madness continue: @jenniferelisebunnell:disqus, your favorite Babylon 5 quote? I’m gonna cheat and give you three since I pretty much use all of them as a guideline in my life in equal proportion:
    “No one here is exactly what he appears.”
    “All love is unrequited.”
    “Hope is all we have.”

  • Bubs

    So say we all.

  • omitted

    I’m as gay android as they cum. Never even kissed a girl!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Feeling a little bi-polar today? Eh?
    *does my best to look smarmy and butch*

  • omitted

    You mean attracted to Domo’s husband? I would have to see a pic at least first…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Gasp. Not even after you heard the Jill Sobule song??

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Picture like Domo, except very very small.

  • omitted

    Wrong series! But since you brought it up, here’s my favorite quote scene from Battlestar Galactica:

    http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a390/shippychick/Jamie/zoom1.jpg

  • Like Icare

    The point is that it is basically NOT there.
    WE create the thing under the bed out of lost socks and marbles.

    Alien or a robot or Jason-virus… any of it could be the MacGuffin for the movie about claustrophobia and things creeping in the shadows.

    While we’re on MacGuffin…
    One of the (many) reasons Prometheus failed is its attempt to “explain” the MacGuffin’s cousin – Alien Space Bats.
    I.e. Space Jockeys.
    Trying to do that by waiving hands in the air and whispering “MYSTERY” was extra stupid.

  • Jaws: ’68 Comeback Special

    haha nice lol

  • omitted

    Who is this bitch ripping off Katy?!

  • Jaws: ’68 Comeback Special

    speaking from experience are we 😛

  • omitted

    50 Shades is based on Jenny’s diary.

  • tOmy`
  • Bubs

    Scrolling down to the bottom, this is a direct quote, just beneath the search bar:

    “…the prints have made many people so happy that they cried when they received them. Thank you!!”

  • omitted

    Awww! *blushes*
    Is that a proposition? I’m not really into fisting, but your hands seem delicate enough for me to consider it…

  • Another commentary track? What does Rich Evans need, a BIGGER headstone?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    meeesta Garibaldi!

  • tOmy`

    You could call it a permanent proposition, as some of us are idiots enough to mistake flipchart marker for the permanent one.

  • omitted

    “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad!”

  • tOmy`

    *wink wink*

  • omitted

    You’re now tagged as mine forever, biatch. 😀
    Also, is that a drawing of Jennifer’s minge in the corner?

  • tOmy`

    It was supposed to be a smiling sun, but because I am very, very awful at drawing, I had to quickly cover the “smile” and “eyes” up, because holy shit, it would fit the Alien discussion way too well.

  • omitted

    Jennifer and tOmy` sitting in a tree…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “be seeing you.”

  • tOmy`
  • omitted

    Bester? But I haven’t even mindraped her.

  • omitted

    So something that will make you go blind if you stare straight at it for too long? Sounds like Jennifer’s minge to me!

  • Bubs

    I thought it was one quarter of a giant un-puckered asshole. Y’know… symbology and whatnot.

  • tOmy`

    We are all getting a bit carried away here, aren’t we.

    Normal people would call it “lazy Sunday”. But seeing us, they would call the cops.

  • omitted

    Hey, Jennifer has brought up her minge at least twice now herself, so it is fair game so to speak.

  • tOmy`

    Ok, I am off to play some more SpaceChem, because my ego simply cannot take the proposition of giving up on a game that I find close to impossible already, despite not reaching a fucking half of it.

    I shall keep an eye on you here and there. Keep it disturbing, playaz.

  • omitted

    Always.

  • andypants1989

    Planet of the Vampires scared the living shit out of me when I was a kid, granted i was about five years old at the time.

  • andypants1989

    Oh shit, it’s on youtube!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhzb-TEaQYE

  • andypants1989

    Yup, still creepy as shit.

  • omitted

    Oh dear, it would seem the Chappie thread has been hit with heavy moderation. Quick, take cover in the manhole!

  • eateateat

    Who was cropped out of that picture?

  • omitted

    Perhaps Jay and I, Jennifer and you and Tapey and Disqustapo could go on a triple date orgy?

  • omitted

    Better yet, follow me into this bunker! Mike will provide the food and fleshlights.

  • tOmy`

    Update: Fuck this fucking game.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Both very different. I liked them equivalently.

  • Like Icare

    The first one is a silly slasher movie, with Ripley being just another scream queen, being chased by aliens and robots alike.
    Except nobody can hear her. IN SPACE.

    Halloween has no one-liners either. Same goes for Friday 13ths.
    Because it’s the hero who dishes out one-liners.
    In Alien, Ripley is too busy screaming and trembling and choking to talk.

    Ripley doesn’t become “THE Ripley” until Aliens.
    Then she goes all “Nuke it from orbit.” and “Get away from her you bitch.”

    Aliens allowed her character to GROW beyond “female in danger NSF1284”.

  • Like Icare

    What happened?

  • Ve’ll let you know.
    http://i.imgur.com/29OikGW.jpg

  • I’ve only had one of my posts deleted, when I made a gif – upon request – of the scene where Mike was stealing money from children while they sat on Santa Plinkett’s lap, the gif suggesting that Mike was “bad touching”. I completely agree with it’s deletion, I really didn’t want to make it in the first place… or to borrow a quote, “I may have gone too far in a few place.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Everything I’ve ever admired was a take-off of another thing. The Beatles started by imitating Little Richard and Buddy Holly. Batman was pulled out of pulp fiction and black and white movies. Joni Mitchell was just doing Dylan’s feminine side while he was just doing Woody Guthrie, and Prince was just mashing Sly Stone, George Clinton and Stevie Wonder into a mix while wearing women’s panties in order to cover all bases. Spielberg never did anything original in his directing life.

    It’s not devotion to the past that causes trouble. It’s slavish devotion.
    It’s not youthful arrogance, either. It’s youthful lack of ambition. It’s relying on that Blue Ribbon you got for your supposed “talent,” without stretching first so you can properly exercise.
    It’s money and success, pure and simple. You get too much of it right off the bat for basically nothing, and you’ll be stuck in that moment forever. And that moment gets really boring, really, really quickly.

  • fred

    lol Indonesia

  • omitted

    It’s not libel if it’s true.

  • omitted

    Maybe my flair for the dramatic got the best of me. Just noticed some comments having been removed, that’s all.

  • omitted

    The Academy Award winning makeup artist Ve Neill will let me know? *jumps up and down in excitement*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    This is a poor substitute for a new BotW.

    #JustSayin’

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Thar’s hills in that there gold!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    OK, smarty-guy. Name one TV series that didn’t over-stay its welcome and end fairly wretchedly.

    That’s why some of us still prefer movies. You can get it all in one sitting and move defyuck on.

    And, what is it with you and the scrawny punk named after the chocolate candies? Jeebus! Wish we could spend a day together and I could fix your music collection. (wink)

  • omitted

    Tru dat, Maybelline. Did Palpy cloud your vision of the future?

  • omitted

    “You can get it all in one sitting and move defyuck on.” You just described every one-night stand I’ve ever had.

  • Mark Bisone

    I’m just saying you should Trek yourself before you wreck yourself.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Now you do.

    Haven’t seen it. Never had the feeling I oughtta see it. Less likely to see it now that I’m wholly sick of RDJ.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You beat me to one. Happy that you liked it because I’m looking forward to getting my hands on a rental DVD soon.

    I just saw WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS. My opinion of it is in the last thread. Short answer: Enjoyed it thoroughly.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, I thought it should be a different person altogether.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Gotta protect the ones you love.

    #Batman

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You said “high-concept” and “original” and then you said DISTRICT 9, INCEPTION, and AVATAR, and I’ve been laughing for 18 straight hours!

    Thanks!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    She doesn’t have to be.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You keep splitting your hairs, you’ll get all frizzy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    3 but not Resurrection. Tshi, it’s awful.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wait. What? Did you say “Jay is looking kind of guido”?

    There’s so much confusion up in here.

    Palpy!

  • Like Icare

    It’s probably just bull.

    The “source” is a Swiss tabloid.
    Quoting “insiders” who heard (herd?) the Swiss defense secretary saying that since the system was bought “off the rack” in Germany, it had to be adjusted for Switzerland, for example so as not to confuse cows moving along the hillside as aircraft.

    http://www.blick.ch/news/politik/beschaffungs-flop-im-vbs-dieser-radar-macht-aus-kuehen-feindliche-objekte-id3562987.html

  • Like Icare

    More fist-punching and wrestling, fluffier cat, Ripley as one of the colonists and get those rockets off that alien’s chest.
    And aliens can’t use technology. Give them spears and/or magic blasts.
    The story is supposed to be about wonders of technology and science of an advanced western human capitalist society defeating backwardness and evil of primitive life-forms and their inferior belief systems.

    God-fearing Cowboys vs. bloodthirsty Injun savages.

  • Like Icare

    Well… according to the Pharaohs, big and pyramidal is the way to go.

  • omitted

    Shut up, shut up, shut up! *searches frantically for the chloroform rag*

  • Palpatine

    Of course I did!

  • omitted

    Battle of the grumPas!

  • Palpatine
  • omitted

    ♫ “There must be some kind of way out of here,
    “Said the joker to the thief,
    “There’s too much confusion, I can’t get no relief. ♫

  • Palpatine

    ♫I was working in the lab, late one night
    When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
    For my monster from his slab, began to rise
    And suddenly to my surprise♫

    ♫He did the mash, he did the monster mash
    The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
    He did the mash, it caught on in a flash
    He did the mash, he did the monster mash♫

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me
  • Not that it’s bad but it certainly lacks video.

  • Vader better be careful or his prosthetics might fall off.

  • Zarathustrian

    If you think it’s Ripley that dishes out one-liners in Aliens, then I seriously doubt you have even seen the movie.

    And if you don’t think Ripley is a hero in Alien, and also a very competent person/employee and woman in that, then I question your sensibilities even more.

    A hero isn’t someone who’s humped up on steroids and spouting one-liners for every single thing they do. Sure it is fun, but it is in no way believable.
    All people are vulnerable with weaknesses. Luke Skywalker is a protagonist that people can really relate to. The people aboard the Nostromo are real people we can relate to. The first Rambo movie has a protagonist we can relate to. Action movies where they shout one-liners and beat up 100 people isn’t someone that grips people or that they can relate to, they are only tools for the viewer to live out a video game fantasy where they see bad guys beaten up and laugh at stupid jokes.

    No, of course horror movies don’t have one-liners. I never said they did. In fact, that was my whole point: the Alien franchise was supposed to be horror. And real, believable horror at that. That was the whole point of the concept of “truckers in space”, as Dan O’Bannon visioned it: real, working blue-collar men and women.

    The sheer cartoony, actiony thing that Aliens was is a complete opposite of the slow, suspenseful (non-action) film set in a believable environment and setting (realistic dialogue and people, and not the cartoony shit in the second one) that it originally was and was intended to be.

    Face it, James Cameron was the Michael Bay of the 80’s and 90’s. And when he is not doing action movies, he is still catering to the masses with silly romances and characters–and action. Titanic is basically the family version of Aliens. I spit and shit on James Cameron. He can shove his billions of dollars made from selling pure garbage and shove it deep inside his own asshole, which incidentally doubles as his face, as I see it.

    Ripley in Alien is a hero exactly because she is responsible, diligent, competent, and brave. Man, woman, doesn’t matter; all those qualities are what we admire in either sexes.

  • Got a new one for you, Jaws. Jawsy’s Machine.

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me

    the first of a new prequel trilogy 12 years in the making

  • NotRickBerman

    Needs more Rich Evans jerking off a droid.

  • Blomkamp is making Alien5, get it?

  • I’m looking for my flashlight with a fleshlight! Or was it the other way around?

  • Play some Spunkgargleweewee(TM) instead. I know I would if my graphics card wasn’t broken. Now I’m stuck in this hellhole in Gene Wilder’s clothes with Rip Torn’s face glued to mine.

  • Mark Bisone

    Just finished listening to the track. Awesome show, great job.

    I first watched “Alien” on VHS back in’85, and it has remained one of my favorite films ever since. Part of the reason I was so into it back then was the visuals; I was a visual kid, a sketcher and painter, and the Ridley Scott was and is a kind of painter of lights. But there was another really compelling aspect to “Alien” that I couldn’t quite put my finger on (and even if I could, I was too young to express it). It upended a certain well-established storytelling tradition: for much of the film, the audience does not know who the protagonist is.

    In genre film and literature, usually the audience/reader knows who the protagonist is within the first five minutes of watching/reading. Mike explained it very well in the Phantom Menace review, but there’s another aspect to establishing the story’s hero that is usually (not always, but usually) present: the hero is usually a rule-breaker. There are lots of good reasons for this. Human beings generally don’t like rules and regulations, particulary when there are too many of them, they are too onerous and inflexible, immoral, obsolete and/or lead to bad results. Part of what makes heros heroic is that they resist or rebel against the established order. Whether it’s an unjust law or a constricting form of social ettiquette, we respond positively to the hero seeing past the maze of rules and finding the new, creative solution to the problem.

    There are obviously too many examples of this storytelling tradition to cite, but one that always stands out in my mind was the ’86 mini-series “Shaka Zulu”, detailing the Zulu king’s rise to power. There is a scene early on where Shaka conflicts with his commander over the topic of shoes. Shaka realises that the wearing of shoes in battle greatly restricts his mobility and recommends they scrap the whole idea, to which the commander replies “Soldiers have always worn shoes!”. Later on in the story, Shaka goes on to literally “break” a rule by snapping his spear in half, having recognizes it’s potential usefulness as thrusting weapon for hand-to-hand combat. This classic rule-breaking role is extremely prominent in genre flicks: the loose cannon cop, the mutinous sailor, the masked vigilante, the star-crossed lovers, a guy literally named “Maverick” in a fighter jet, the drunken ex-detective department store Santa, etc, etc.

    In Alien, you see a similiar situation begin to play out, but it’s all a con. When the crisis first hits, you see several characters react to it in different ways. Namely, Ash is established as the rule-breaker of the bunch, while Ripley is set up as the “cold-hearted”, by-the-book stickler… the kind of character which usually meets with a bad fate in these sorts of stories. Even though emotions are running high and a man’s life might be at stake, Ripley coolly insists (even against the direct order of her captain) that they must follow proper procedure and quarantine Kane. Ash gallops to the rescue, basically saying, “Fuck your rules, you ice queen. I care about this person’s life!”

    Of course, Ash doesn’t really give a fuck about Kane; he’s following a secret rulebook of his own. But we don’t know that yet. All we can suspect at this point is that Dallas and Ash fucked up by letting the Alien aboard, but that they did it for the “right” reasons. They are compassionate rule-breakers, and therefore the most likely candidates for the protagonist. Meanwhile Ripley, as the resident uptight stiff, is one of the most likely characters to get eaten by a space monster in the second act. But even with this set up, we still don’t really know who will live and who will die.

    In fact, you could argue that we don’t have much of a clue about the protagonist’s identity until the alien gives Dallas a hug. Parker, for instance, is both an emotional “carer” and a practical, rational guy, as in when he shouts through the glass “Why don’t you freeze him!” If everyone had followed either Ripley or Parker’s advice early on, they would all be alive – including, possibly, Kane. But “proper procedure” and “sound advice” usually isn’t in the classic hero’s bag of tricks, which is usually packed with stuff like idealism, emotion and a rebellious attitude.

    And while Mike’s right that most genre films don’t work when they fail to establish a protagnist, in this case the ambiguity was one of the movie’s great successes, and what makes it vastly superior to all the other “Alien” films. Ripley was a great character because she was such an oddball version of a hero. By the time “Aliens” rolled around, she is known quantity to the audience; we know she is the protagonist, and know that she will survive and win. That’s the biggest difference between the two movies. It almost had to be an action picture, because the suspense of not being able to identify the hero/survivor is long gone. The only way to recapture a part of that magic in “Alien 5” would be to get rid of Ripley, which absolutely cannot happen now because she is iconic to the franchise. It’s what they a call a “contradiction.”

  • Palpatine

    I surprised we haven’t talked about H.R. Giger’s designs for the film yet, one of the best aspects of the film in my opinion. What do you guys think of his designs for the film?

  • omitted

    *backs out of the room slowly*
    Nah, I think they’re (gonna be) great! Really otherworldly and strangely sensual even.

  • Palpatine

    By “sensual” do you mean the shape of the Alien’s head?

  • omitted

    That I would describe as ‘phallic’.

  • Palpatine

    It was stylistically designed to be that way.

  • Mark Bisone

    Yeah, they are phenomenal. I almost wish they had taken more of his advice, and gone even weirder. The sequel would have definitely been improved by that, turning the “hive” into a kind of nightmare world filled with a wide variety of fucked-up monsters and hybrids. That was one aspect of the fourth film I liked – that room filled with “Thing”-like Ripley clones.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I don’t think you’re sincere in your love of Alien. Real fans write 20 paragraphs worth of thought-provoking anal-sis.

    It’s like you don’t even care, Mark!

  • Palpatine

    Another thing I love about the movie is that it has such a small cast, only eight actors (nine if you count the voice of MOTHER).

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Did you like the small cast because it’s easier to follow and/or helps build better characters?

    Small casts can be tricky if the writing and atmosphere aren’t done right.

  • Palpatine

    That is one problem I have with the film, and some horror movies in general is that the films can’t really decide who the main protagonist is. Take Halloween for example. Every time I watch it, I’m always confused who the main protagonist is. Is it Dr. Loomis or Laurie Strode? I assume it’s Laurie since she’s the survivor and fights off Michael Myers near the end, but she’s saved by Loomis at the last second, so that should make him the protagonist, right?

  • Palpatine

    Pretty much, and since Alien has great writing and atmosphere, it works damn well.

  • Mark Bisone

    It’s definitely not Loomis, Palpy. He spends most of the film standing beside a bush.

    I think in both Alien and Halloween, the ambiguity works because it lends to the suspense. But unlike Alien, we spend so much time with Laurie Strode that it’s almost impossible not to see her as the protagonist. We spend so much time with her, and we’re largely experiencing the story from her perspective.

  • Mark Bisone

    On Sundays they only undo the restraints for an hour. Have to budget my time.

  • Palpatine

    Exactly. I just assumed he was the main protagonist since Donald Pleasance is given top billing, but when you really think about, Loomis is a pretty boring character. I mean sure he gives one the best speeches in any film ever made and Pleasance does a good job, we know very little about him other than he’s Michael Myers’ doctor whose hunting for him.

  • Mark Bisone

    As far as the “guy in a rubber suit” thing goes, I thought it was handled extremely well in Alien. I actually wonder if they could have even pushed it further, given the odd-body they found to wear it. Saw this test footage of him creeping around on set and imagined a shot the like the one near the end of Halloween, where Myers slowly creeps up on Laurie from the background. As long as they lit and blocked it right, I think this guys unnerving anatomy alone could have sold it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpKi41a1rJI

  • Mark Bisone

    That’s part of Halloween’s charm to me. It’s so stark and straightforward, but at the same time it doesn’t follow any particular pattern (as Mike and Jay mentioned before, it sort of started patterns of its own). There’s no secondary conflict as a subplot (The Romance/Love Triangle, The Big Dance, etc). Like Alien, it’s extremely naturalistic, which means there are stretches that are kinda boring, but make it seem more like real life and therefore more tense. Another contradiction.

  • Palpatine

    Wow that’s pretty damn creepy. I have so say though, reminds me less of Halloween, and more of Robert Englund in the first Nightmare on Elm Street film, who in turn was inspired by the guy who played the vampire in Nosferatu.

  • TheJackFromTitanic

    Jay tell me why you don’t like Blade Runner? Or do you? The thing you said left me confused..

  • Mark Bisone

    Sure. It doesn’t so much remind me of Halloween, either. I guess I’m saying could imagine a scene like that in my mind, with a crew member doing something in the extreme foreground while this freak emerges from the out-of-focal range blur in the background and slowly advances towards the camera.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    he finds BR to be boring(source:pre rec stream where jay talked about BR once)

  • Palpatine

    Am I the only who wishes this creepy ass scene was left in the film:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS5MtzrW1vU

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Isn’t that scene in Director’s Cut version of the film?

  • Like Icare

    Who is the main character in Halloween? How about Friday the 13th?

    Hint: IT’S IN THE TITLE FOR THIS MOVIE!!!

    Ripley is by the book cause she’s “the final girl”. The good girl. The nice girl.
    The one who doesn’t forgo her duties to the village in order to fuck some boy behind the bush and leave her post when the monster comes.
    Sexual promiscuity is BAD. Purity is GOOD. Good girls follow rules.

    We can’t have her being a prude without fucking up the movie by establishing that everyone else was constantly boinking in zero gravity. Or doing space drugs.

    But we CAN fluff up her innocence by making her a stickler to rules when everyone else is breaking them (bad children get eaten by the boogieman).
    AND by making her more feminine than the other girl – by giving her a full head of fluffy, very hard to maintain in space, hair.
    She and Laurie Strode could compare hairstyles that make your head look bigger and more baby-like.

    Also, in mouth breathing.
    Very important to have that “fluttering heart” / “holding her breath” look. It spells INNOCENCE.

    And while on that topic…
    Notice how John Hurt looks almost more feminine than Veronica Cartwright there?
    He looks VULNERABLE.
    There’s the big black guy, bearded guy, gristly guy, uniform guy, big tall chick, spiky-haired dike… and little skinny beardless guy.
    Except… he smokes. Smokin means pokin! Pokin means bad!

    Bad kids get eaten by the mon-ster!

    Ripley, she’s a good girl she is, doesn’t smoke.
    And the movie ends with her, all Snow White in her crystal coffin, sleeping away, pure as snow, waiting for her prince to wake her up.
    Horror stories are the same genre as fairy tales – we just sanitized most of them.

    The movie is by-the-book slasher movie. There’s no contradiction.

    Except it’s IN SPACE!!!

  • tOmy`

    I think the “boringness” of that movie either:
    a) Pulls you in and mesmerizes you; or
    b) Makes you actually bored

    I think that could be the reason of people having two very different opinions when it comes to pace of BR. For one group it works and makes the movie great, for the other group it ruins it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’m gonna go for option b. BR offers some of the greatest visuals and atmosphere ever seen in a film but it’s also got dull,pretentious and boring as fuck script.I tried giving it many chances I really did but alas I’m gonna go with Jay on this one.

  • tOmy`

    It ain’t no Garden State, that’s for sure.

    ♫ They will see us waving from such great heights,
    “Come down now,” they’ll say ♫

  • tOmy`

    Do you think Cruel Intentions work as a great guilty pleasure just because we are all still teenagers in our hearts, or because of the freaking kickass soundtrack?

    No, seriously, that soundtrack is one of the best around.

  • Like Icare

    It’s not a hero story.

    Who’s the “hero” in Snow White and Seven Dwarfs?
    How about “Little Red Riding Hood”?
    Prince Charming and the Hunter are deus ex machina characters to end the story on a happy note.

    She’s the “final girl” in a slasher story.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Final_girl#Examples_of_final_girls

    Those stories used to be called fairy tales.
    Then we drew the line, cleaned up one everything on one side and declared the rest horror stories.

    That’s why the traditional fairy tales are so easily converted to horror stories.
    Cannibalism, witchery, beasts that eat children, casual mutilation… it’s all there.

    She’s the “innocent” one.

    Pure girl, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t poke, has a pet animal, maternal, only actual woman on the ship cause Veronica Cartwright is a spiky-haired dyke, stickler to rules when everyone else is breaking them…
    She’s Laurie Strode. In SPACE!

    And if you think that anyone but Ripley made one-liners in Aliens… you don’t understand the difference between a one-liner and a short line of dialogue.
    Ripley’s are the only line that COUNT as one-liners.

    One liner is a punch in the face when there is no face to punch.

    Only Ripley does those.
    Arguably Vasquez that one time to Hudson, but it is good-natured teasing between teammates – not a real one-liner.

    As for Cameron being the same as Bay and you spitting and shitting on him…

    I’m sure he’s forging his Oscars into a ceremonial blade to cut his throat cause someone on the internet who can’t tell an engineer from a marketing guy has delusions about shitting on him.
    What a hack fraud!

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of Aliens, another kick in the balls during last days: Following Top Gear and Sir Terry I just read this:
    DAVID LYNCH UNSURE IF TWIN PEAKS 2016 IS STILL HAPPENING

  • I think it’s for the better.

  • tOmy`

    UNSUBSCRIBE.

  • FINE. BE THAT WAY.

  • Sully

    I always found that scene interesting. The guys talk about the theory that the xenomorph is turning its prey into “eggs,” but having seen ALlEN after ALlENS, I always saw it as a ‘Worker Bug’ not knowing exactly what to do without a hive, so it was just trying to preserve food and/or hosts for when a Queen came along.

  • If you ignore that he’s slowly turning into an egg it may still make sense in the sequels. The Alien acts on instinct – it gathers hosts for the facehuggers even if there aren’t any.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t think Lynch has lost his touch but I kinda agree.I actually really like the way season 2 ends-that cliffhanger has more echoes towards the usual output of Mr.Lynch then an traditional tv series ending would(aka resolving all plot lines in the least offensive way possible)

  • tOmy`

    Seriously, I somehow cannot imagine Lynch, Frost and the cast failing. It would be really surprising disappointment.

  • Indeed. I mean you still have to ignore the fact that they are, in fact being turned into eggs. Unless this is a different breed (it looks a bit differently) and Prometheus 2 explains where the queen came from. Which could only make things more convoluted and stupid.

  • tOmy`

    Friends? Sopranos? Wire? Shield? MASH? Oz? Justified (4 episodes pending.)? Breaking Bad?

    HA!

    And don’t be hating on Eminem: Even he never would have dreamed in the million years he’d see, so many motherfucking people who feel like him, who share the same views and the same exact beliefs, it’s like a fucking army marching in back o…

    Where was I?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I guess I like DANGEROUS LIAISONS better because I am not still a teenager in my heart. I wasn’t even a teenager in my heart when I was a teenager.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Are they being turned into eggs, though, or are they being turned into albumen?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    All I remember is Sarah Michelle Gellar saying that the guy can stick it anywhere in her if he wins the bet and me yelling “Yeah, probaly in her ear!” at the TV. And being very pleased with myself.

  • tOmy`

    That kinda explains that whole anti-rap and anti-kinder-punk stance. It does not explain Prince at all. At. All.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Everybody experiments in college.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Did you go to PRINCEton?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    b)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Palpy wins, everytime. By default.

    He’s cuddly, dammit!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I love that fucking movie. But the soundtrack even more by itself.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No, but I bathed in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

  • Grandpa Seth

    I’ll be whoever you want me to be Cream

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Why do I feel like I’d just get pushed off the bed?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    There’s something about tall dudes with big heads that’s just creepy.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnh-ft6T7fA#t=1m16s

  • Interesting idea, still, their remains are being gathered into something that looks like an egg. That would imply a facehugger is put inside it.

  • omitted

    You and Disqustapo could watch.

  • Mark Bisone

    No, the monster is not a character in “Alien”, any more than the shark is a character in Jaws, or the tornado is a character in “Twister” . It’s the central problem of the movie, a kind of protean threat that’s shrouded in shadows and fog.

    Mike Myers and Jason Vorhees are sort-of characters in some of their films, but certainly not the “main character” in any of the ones I’ve seen (granted, I haven’t seen things like “Jason in Space” or the Rob Zombie remakes, and from what I’ve heard the latter attempts to characterize Myers). Freddy Krueger, on the other hand, is most definitely a character, and arguably the main character in most of the sequels. In order to be a character, you must be able to at least model a being’s mind, and be able to imagine what it might be like to experience the world through its eyes. Basically, you need to be able to empathize, on some level, with a monstrous creature in a story for it to be a character. For instance, in the original text of Beowulf, Grendel is not a character, but a force of nature to be overcome. However, in John Gardner’s novel “Grendel”, he is a fully fledged character and anti-heroic protagonist in the rule-breaking outsider/rebel role.

    Ripley is by the book cause she’s “the final girl”. The good girl. The nice girl.

    No, she is certainly not presented that way. If anything, she is presented as competent tech manager bordering on hard-assed bitch, particularly early in the film in her dealings with Parker and Brett. “By-the-book stickler” isn’t the same as “nice”, “good” or “innocent”, and apart from a line of good-natured ribbing from Parker early on, the film is almost completely absent a sexual dimension (which is really interesting given all the psychosexual imagery on hand). Moreover, there was no such thing as the “final girl” trope at the time this movie was made. That came during the slasher boom of the 80’s.

    Notice how John Hurt looks almost more feminine than Veronica Cartwright there?

    No. All Englishmen look the roughly the same amount of feminine to me, except for Daniel Craig, who looks like a Troll Doll after a lifetime of steroids and crack abuse.

    Ripley, she’s a good girl she is, doesn’t smoke.

    I know what you’re going for here, but the fact is that Ripley does smoke. And curse. And holler. And fight. You’re trying to squeeze her round peg into a square hole, which is why a lot of this comment seems breathless to me.

    And the movie ends with her, all Snow White in her crystal coffin, sleeping away, pure as snow, waiting for her prince to wake her up.

    By that logic, they are all Snow Whites, waking up in crystal coffins. When she says, ” I should reach the frontier in another five weeks. With a little luck, the network will pick me up”, it doesn’t exactly conjure swelling Disney music and cartoon bunnies. The line is appropriate to her established character, actually; terse, wry, procedural and mildly pessimistic. Again, heroes do not typically draw from these particular wells, and that is what made the storytelling so suspenseful and weirdly compelling.

    In the sequel, however, they convert Ripley into the generic rule-breaking rebel outsider. I think that’s why it works (and can only work) as an action film. Same goes for the fourth film. In the third, they tried to do something a little different, but obviously failed because of…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrGrOK8oZG8

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    OK, I have been pateint enough, but, now, this has to be fucking said. Good night, fellow freakos.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It’s true… And living with this internal monologue has been too much of a burden to bear. I must jump out a window now, OH MYY~

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sighh. (pops popcorn in the background)

  • omitted

    I guess that window wasn’t that high.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sounds nerdy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Or that they only came into contact with one alien and the queen was elsewhere. The whole swarm idea was conceived for the sequel, but it doesn’t exclude the possibility of a swarm in the original, had they poked around further.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Damn 2-story buildings.

  • omitted

    I thought ‘playing SpaceChem’ was just a euphemism for you two hooking up again.

  • Makes sense. I’m trying to make the first film work with the lore of the sequels, kinda retconning and reinterpreting things we “learn” from the the later ones. Didn’t they land on the same planet that Aliens takes place?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Details, schmee-tails. I’m not that guy. My memory is so bad, when I finally get Alzheimers, I’ll be the one guy with nothing to forget.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t see that on the other hand. To me it seems like the Xenomorph is doing what a spider does when a fly gets caught in it’s web.

  • omitted

    Do you think Jay looks a bit like SU&SD’s Paul in the title card of this video?

  • omitted

    I especially like how Jay maintains eye contact throughout the whole bobbing motion. I feel it’s important for the emotional connection.

  • Now I Get It

    Okay, but in a mere two and a quarter hours, Canada is taking on China in women’s curling. You are staying up for women’s curling, right? Right?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I only tune in to women’s curling for the commercials.

  • Now I Get It

    It’s like a weeklong Super Bowl Sunday.

  • tOmy`

    I love curling! But I doubt our TV will broadcast it :<

  • What? Wh-who are you? Where am I?

  • tOmy`

    Give it a go. It’s beautiful, great soundtrack, superb idea, yet punishingly hard. The concept itself is fairly simple and straightforward, but as with any game of this type, it constantly finds new ways to fuck you over.

  • Now I Get It

    I’ve read a couple of highly uninformative articles about these “complications.” Yet imdb still lists nine episodes as being – dare I say? – completed. One hopes it’s just a ploy to draw extra attention to his art exhibit in Brisbane.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Giving the considerable hype that happened after the announcement, if Lynch is having second thoughts. whomever owns the rights (CBS?) will probably go ahead without him.

  • andypants1989

    I agree with this theory, I think this predator is like a spider or snake in that when it doesn’t require food it stores it for a later time.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    My prognostication is back to normal levels.

    0 for 3 for the weekend.

  • Palpatine

    Instinct? Don’t you mean pure instance?

  • Do you remember the scene with John Hurt when the alien started to sing? http://www.twitch.tv/previouslyrecorded_live/v/3881629

  • Earth

    John Hurt’s biggest role since Alien was Indiana Jones 4? Really guys?

    (marches off grumbling about Elephant Man, Watership Down, I Claudius…..)

  • Hey, after all, Sigourney Weaver only plays in sci-fi schlock.

  • Palpatine

    The Alien donst have eye sight you dumb fat, skinny fucks.
    Its pure instince. Look crocodile brain, like lion brain.

    Dont play the game. Uninstall it you boring twats. Dont dont about stuff you dont like.
    Do you know lessons of life. talk about stuff you do like. Twats.

  • Nice, I didn’t get the reference at first.

  • Palpatine

    I’m surprised no one’s made that comment yet.

  • Incense?

  • tOmy`

    Given your warm embrace of this movie, I shall share with you a little secret / an easter egg of Deus Ex, that you may appreciate:

    In this game, there is a shitload of computers – you can access them and read emails (leading to either learning more about the world, the story, specific mission, or downright commentary – spam etc.) Every pc in the game works like this: It has an opening screen with a login name and password – if you know the password, you can access it, if you don’t, you can hack it.

    In one of the early levels, you can (but not necessarily will) come across two PCs with login names: P.K.Dick and R.Deckard. If you try really hard, you can locate items that give you passwords to certain PCs, therefore finding out that the Dick’s PC has “ElectronicLamb” password and Deckard’s “Unicorn” password.

    I WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME DEUS EX IS.

  • Warlord X

    Listened to the whole thing this morning, which is why I thank you for taking the time to find my Spring Break schedule and record this when I had free time to listen to. I’m thinking this Blokamp Alien will probably be Aliens with all the heart and fun ripped out, but it will look really pretty so I’ll just wait until I can buy it on Blu-Ray. Which I really need to do with the other four movies. I’m sort of a hybrid of Rich and Jay, I like all four movies, but Aliens is my favorite.

  • Sully

    From a first film/only film perspective, sure, but since I went back and watched the original after having seen ALlENS first, and knowing that a Queen Xenomorph was actually a thing, I could only see the original creature as a worker bee, building a hive and collecting food for a Queen that would never show.
    It’s a perspective. Either way, it’s effective world building having a creature that does shit other than kill random assholes at random times.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Who is to say that the xenomorphs have a single method of reproduction? Xenomorphs seem to have high adaptability. Maybe, if there is a queen, then the queen lays the eggs, but when there’s a lonely male “warrior/drone” he has to make the eggs, to assure the continuity of the species. Like Ian Malcolm so eloquently put it: “Life finds a way”.

  • No eyes he said. Well, I have shots of the Cameron one but I’m pretty sure the original had eye sockets as well. http://www.jamescamerononline.com/79g.jpg
    http://www.jamescamerononline.com/86s.JPG

  • Now I Get It

    I love it myself. Every rock thrown has the suspense of a foul shot in basketball – you know, when you watch the ball arc toward the basket and can’t know if it’s in till it’s really in? – and the technicality and margin of error of a moon landing.

    In fact, some cousins got a weeklong gift of tickets for The Brier one year, and found they didn’t enjoy it nearly as much sitting in the stands as watching at home. They missed the expert commentary.

  • tOmy`

    Script is finished. The “problems” apparently stem from contracts. So it could be, that someone is just being a pain in the ass, not willing to join the crew again – cannot say we can blame them or anything, it just looks like it being the case. Who knows.

    But if Lynch is unsure, then maybe, just maybe, it’s really an issue – sure, he can re-cast some roles, but still – I think he knows how “perfect” (or Twin Peaksy) the result have to be in order to not piss off fans. And he is smarter than doing so.

  • Palpatine

    Don’t forget about the one from Resurrection that looks like a booger:
    http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/avp/images/d/db/Newborn.png/revision/latest?cb=20130413142345

  • God… it was so stupid. I’d have enjoyed it as a mediocre film if it wasn’t for the damn newborn.

  • omitted

    “I’m sort of a hybrid of Rich and Jay” So an über-god, then?

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    That’s a good point.

    I think the naturalistic quality of Alien is the main reason why it’s Ripley who turns out to be the protagonist. it’s not “a hero against injustice, order or something else of social origin”, it’s “average humans against a mysterious alien threat”.

    I watched the movie for the first time when I was a kid and I don’t remember how I felt about Ripley in the opening the hatch scene, I probably didn’t like her. The thing is, if I was to rewatch the film now not knowing where it was going, I would probably side with Ripley, meaning the switch wouldn’t work. Or maybe I wouldn’t.

  • Earth

    To be fair, she does do a lot of sci fi stuff. But yes, it’s amazing the amount of knowledge the guys will have about a lot of stuff then they’ll just know nothing about others.

    Can’t know everything I guess.

  • Palpatine

    When you do look at the first film as it’s own thing, the Xenomorph is just some hostile alien species thirsty for blood. The scene where the destroyed Ash says he “admires it for its purity” calling it “a survivor, unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality” is one of the best scenes of the film, showing that the Xenomorph is just a hungry predator wanting prey.

  • Now I Get It

    And, of course, after I saw her in “Mad Men”, I realized that I still have a thing for Mädchen Amick. So, come on, David, get it done.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    1984, Hellboy. Indiana Jones 4 might be the most high-profile movie, but his role in it is just… kind of a waste, like the rest of the movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    An upvote for every great John Hurt role between ALIEN and Indy 4.

  • tOmy`

    I enjoyed it because Sigourney actually pulled off that basketball shot.

    #FanTrivia

  • Yeah, I remember that Ron Pearlman almost ruined that scene because of the sheer amazement and they had to cut some of it out.

  • tOmy`

    I was always more of a fan of:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAcrXtMltOs

    This still makes me wet.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I can’t decide which I hate most: the idea of the newborn or its design, so I’ll just hate them both.

    My greatest fear is that I will not die before the crossover, JURASSIC UNIVERSE: ALIEN PARK.

  • tOmy`

    I don’t blame him, tho.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’d take his cameo in Spaceballs over Professor Oxley.

  • tOmy`

    @pakentsaysmaybe:disqus : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igRcOdtfQsM

    I was thinking about you today <3

  • Red Skeleton

    The tombstone should have read “Space Cop.” … What?

  • Hank_Henshaw
  • tOmy`

    Don’t. Give. Them. Ideas.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Too the ball went off frame before hitting the basket, so it could just as well have been a trick shot. Well, I suppose it was a trick shot either way.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Two different studios. We are safe. (Spider-Man’s Sony/Marvel deal doesn’t count!)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Cool. Thanks. I told you my theory, right? Josh can do no wrong. And now I extend that to — No association between Josh and anyone can be wrong. (Rights reserved to amend if Josh ever hangs out with Jon Mayer or Katy Perry.)

    That song’d be perfect if it were just a minute and a half shorter.

  • tOmy`

    My “small” moment to say bazinga! I remember you saying that it’s hard to get to electronica (understandably), so I thought about this song, because:

    UNKLE are actually hip-hop DJs, who started doing trip-hop and then moved onto electronica that sounds like rock music. Nowdays there are fucking around with psychadelic-rock.

    So… some sort of bazinga is in order.

  • There’s unedited footage of the shot in YT.

  • Either that or: “OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD”.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, since they have moved away from the creative dead-end that is h(tr)ip-hop to a live band-ish sorta situation now, I also can claim a bazinga.

    If our bazingas touch, you’re gonna have to raise the kid. I’d just have a bazinga that couldn’t have any balls to play with, as I’d keep taking them away from him-slash-her.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You mean that link you posted below? Yes, I know it was real, I’m just saying it still went out of frame, unedited or not. Most people will never know it wasn’t a special effect.

  • tOmy`

    To be honest, they don’t do live shows as expected – their albums are filled with guest vocalists etc. The only “show” they do is, as far as I know, turntable exhibition with some superb visuals. However, it is usually sampled from rock LPs and 40s to 60s music. They are also “official remixers” for QOTSA, whatever the fuck that means. And, finally, they are pretty much unique in this.

    But it’s nice to see that people who are savy with the “hip-hop software” are doing something else than for-money-sake David Guetta shit.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Pratt and The Raptor Buddies don’t stand a chance unless they come up with more than warmed-over Michael Jackson dance moves.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I dunno. Market synergy. Cross promotional potentialities. Business types are already working on a One-World model.

    There’s enough SUCK in the idea to satisfy two studios, at least.

    Besides, Disney might eventually end up with both, outright, anyway.

  • tOmy`

    But at least we can get our nerd on. Trust me, chicks dig this. Especially when it comes to music.

    I…

    I always thought and hoped.

    *whimpers*

  • Now I Get It

    Ohhhhhh, Audrey, what a sweater girl she was. I couldn’t find it on You Tube, but that’s right up there with Renee Zellweger’s apron sideboob dance in “Empire Records”.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    OW MY GROIN

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Or our money

  • Ooooh. I missed that.

  • Earth

    There was no point to him or Karen Allen being in the movie. I do not get that decision at all.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So, um, fyuck. This is a thing now…

    http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/independent/zombeavers/

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So I tried to watch Alien to the third power again. I gave up. There is something so inherently wrong about the film that makes me give up after 20 or so minutes.

  • tOmy`

    I don’t know if I should applaud or just cry. I don’t even know anymore.

    EDIT: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I just noticed the combo of the people behind it. That’s pretty much the most ridiculous thing I have seen this week.

  • tOmy`

    We had this discussion about Blade Runner: Do you think it’s the “boring” aspect of the movie, that gets you pulled away from the screen?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have only seen the final cut of Blade Runner and it is not boring. I don’t think Alien to the third power is bad because of how BORING it is but because of the feel. This is not how a third film should feel. It’s a depressing mess of a film that gives a middle finger to people who saw and enjoy the previous two films.

  • tOmy`

    Uhm… I am gonna be honest here and admit my fault:

    I had few beers and thought “to the third power” is some weird saying, therefore thinking you were commenting on original Alien. It just hit me. We have different “jokes” about the 3 in the title in Czech language, so it just flew right by me.

    So… let’s just proceed…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I was thinking about Alien 4 or what ever the subtitle was. Can you imagine how horribly confused you would be if you never saw the previous three films?

  • tOmy`

    Well, since I made an ass of myself, it’s time to fuck off and watch Fargo. Thanks for the chats today, it was as pleasantly uneventful (except me punching the paper and then spending half a day trying to wash permanent marker of my hand) as it was disturbingly charming.

    I will still comment tho, so you know, I just felt like… saying something.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think I understand where you’re going. It’s the “brown” aesthetic. It doesn’t seem “as a piece.” It suffers from the same issues as THUNDERDOME, another third part that seems more like the original concept has been stretched too far so it will cover something completely different.

    I’m not being very clear.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    When did you do the “ass” thing, because if I can find it, I’d like to reply and make fun of you.

    Because, making oneself an ass is what I do, and I can’t afford somebody else moving in here and stealing my brand.

    G’night.

  • omitted

    Haven’t you learned by now that when I’m involved (even in name only) things tend to get messy?

  • tOmy`

    Right there, below “you”, fucking up the “to the third power” part of the sentence.

  • tOmy`

    Well, now when I know you are back, I am gonna have to stay (hard).

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh that was harmless.

    You’re no threat to my assiness, yet.

    *wipes forehead and says, “Whew”*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, sure.

    What am I? Just an excuse to go watch Fargo?

  • tOmy`

    I spent like 10 seconds looking on it and thinking: “Hmmm… like… when you put in a third gear… or maybe try for the third time…”

    I studied economics in English (and cheerleading in slutiness), including math and statistics, so I would fucking hope that things like this don’t happen.

  • omitted

    Sorry to blow you (off), but I was just about to go to bed. You are welcome to join me of course. 😉

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s been too long; I don’t even remember…Was this the Logo — ALI3N — or was this the logo — ALIEN³?

  • tOmy`

    Hush, now, little baby, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be alright, stiffen that upper lip up, little lady, I told ya, Daddy’s here to hold ya through the night.

    No worries, Pa, you are the only excuse I have to rant about music with myself here.

    (That opening line may have or may have not been from Eminem’s track)

  • tOmy`

    They don’t make titles like they used to, huh?

    #GetOffMyLawn

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Again with the Eminem?!!?

  • tOmy`

    I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now.

    (This may have or may have not been from the very same track.)

    Gosh, I am pretty impressive in this, am I not?

  • Thanatos2k

    So does everyone.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’re missing Fargo.

    [That’s how one’s an ass if one wants to be.]

    #Schooled

  • tOmy`

    You think it’s one of those shows that “don’t overstay their welcome and end wretchedly”? You know, like those I mentioned few pages below.

    BLAMMO.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It just started within a year. Give it time.

    [We’re getting a little creepy. An old dude rubbing his bazinga all over a hawt cheerleader. We should probably stop before Domo yells at us.]

    BLAMMO. DROPS MIC.

    Fades to black.

  • Bubs

    I didn’t think it was a particularly funny “”meme”” when it happened, but everyone seemed to think it was the dumbest thing ever said on the internet. I guess they forgot about the rest of the internet.

  • tOmy`

    I can call you “coach” and noone will tell the difference.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Penn State.

    #TooSoon

  • tOmy`

    Ok, I shall fuck off to viewing. But one more thing I wanted to share with you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97n00HW3XZk

    Ever had a song that you know is pretty much shit, but you somehow cannot shake it from your head and still think “it’s the best shit”? This one. This is mine.

    xoxo

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ew. Roxette. The Wal-Mart Eurythmics. (Edit: Wal-Mart’s universal enough to make the joke work, yeah?)

    Here’s mine…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY7S6EgSlCI

  • Klint

    Boo, RLM (or at least Jay) doesn’t like Blade Runner.

    Yeah, I know it’s a boring movie. But it’s a really, really good boring movie.

  • Warlord X

    Jay is more of a woodland sprite

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Hey that’s a Prisoner thing innit?

  • Flaw Filial

    I think this video is pretty unrealistic.
    Really, what are the odds that Rich Evans is going to have a marked grave?

  • Palpatine

    He’ll most likely have a giant mausoleum to house his dead body like Vladimir Lenin does. He’s body will be in a glass case for all to see and pay tribute to.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Singing, “O bla di, O my gaaaaawd”.

  • Sully

    Well, that’s essentially what it is anyway, no matter which film you watch. That’s what the species as a whole is. It’s the ultimate survivor, the ultimately predator, but at its core… just a wild animal, doing what animals do. It isn’t malicious like the Yautja, it does only what it must to survive, and it does it extraordinarily well.

  • tOmy`

    I really like how everyone is saying what I was trying to say these past few days, yet so much more eloquently. I am gonna steal your lines and edit my posts!

  • Sully

    That’s actually an interesting idea, and one I’d like to see explored in a future film. What happens if there are no eggs and no Queen? Is the Xenomorph capable of asexual reproduction in extreme circumstances? Like the “Frog” theory mentioned in Jurassic Park, would the alien just… find a way.

  • Sully

    Have at it, hoss.

  • Flaw Filial

    I’m picturing a Taj Mahal situation.

  • Palpatine

    I found a leaked image from Rich Evans’ funeral:
    http://i.imgur.com/3h8jPUQ.jpg

  • tOmy`

    It’s just awesome to see how much we can talk about aliens being such a simple idea – straight up murderer of humans, plain animal, perfect killing machine, the stuff the nightmares are made of etc. – for such a long period of time, while describing a character of Qui Gon Who takes exactly three dots and a shot of jagermeister.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Of all of the souls I’ve met in my travels, his was the moist most… ?

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me

    haha thats good lol

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I don’t see enough weeping from those ladies on the left.

    You know what to do, Palpy.

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me

    pretty sure its impossible to actually say his name out loud without it being followed by maniacal laughter ”Vladimir Lenin muhahaha” he’s like the count from seseme st

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They even managed to make Cate Blanchett give a terrible performance. Fuck that movie.

  • Mark Bisone

    Admit it. You’re just in it to watch women sweeping.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I imagined a lot more twinkies would be there.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa
  • Wizard Phoenix

    But they’re not fucking Twinkies.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The system would collapse if the NK citizens were introduced to Twinkies. It’s bad enough that kids in the country try to escape after seeing a DVD of Titanic.

    Twinkies might send the whole nation over the edge.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Or perhaps they will want peace with SK in order to have Twinkies.

  • Palpatine

    Nah, he’d be more like this:
    http://i.imgur.com/QmWy3Hf.gif

  • Cream-A-Thon

    That’s a big Twinkie.

  • Palpatine

    No, there’d be more cheeseburgers, Rich’s favorite food. And Kim Jong-il created the cheeseburger as well.

  • Palpatine

    To the re-education camps with them! There they will learn to love the Supreme Leader!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Well, I don’t think they’ll ever be a peace accord now that Rich Evans Un has passed.

  • Now I Get It

    *weeping…To wit: Canada stole five points, and China shook hands after seven ends. But who’s counting?

    P.S. Nice work on that “Alien” thing.

  • Palpatine

    Hopefully Dennis Rodman can help make peace.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    US intelligence believed for the longest time that Sung, il, and Un were 3 separate people, until Dennis Rodman came back and told them that they were all the same person: Rich Evans.

    He really is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Re-educate them. All of them.

  • Palpatine

    So does that mean Rich Evans sent hundreds of thousands of people to death camps and caused millions to starve to death? Huh, he’s that bad a dictator.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    He keeps sending them pirated Star Wars: Holiday Special discs, but that doesn’t seem to do the trick.

    Maybe that’s why he needs just a few more Nukie Tapes…

  • Palpatine

    Kim Jong-un needs to be like me and build a giant space station with a planet destroying superlaser. Then again I was the ruler of an entire galaxy, whereas Kim is the ruler of a small country in Northeast Asia.

  • Michael Collins

    I’ve never seen Alien 3, but this was on youtube..

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFm4gscgg_0

  • Wizard Phoenix

    With Jack Packard Un there might never be

  • Palpatine

    Wow some of those effects are pretty bad. Not all, just some.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    quiet number 6!
    all the conspirators use it to piss Garibaldi off.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    more… sticky.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Alien Cubed.

    Alien had 1 “alien”. Aliens had many, many aliens. Alien Cubed had just the 1 alien, which is mathematically correct.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it was a brilliant art house scifi that the studio fucked in the arse.
    so the world and its characters are flawless, its darkly beautiful… but with a big brown smear of hollywould shit over it.
    still in my top ten.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    how quickly we forget the MCR Trivia… i feel so used!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh well. You’ve inspired me to go back and watch the HITB episode again in any case. I’m curious what they found positive about it at the time.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    What genre is it in?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    He is the 9th Doctor too! now he’s a fucking time lord!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “Oh no! Not again….” *cue music

    https://youtu.be/aVZUVeMtYXc

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You know what they do to Gossip-Girls in the big-house?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  • Michael Collins

    The more i listen to Jay the more I realise he has zero movie sense, but he did like Hannibal, so he’s not all dumb.

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Andrew Thompson.

    Rich Huge-Dong Evans.

  • Palpatine

    But isn’t Jay a professional film critic?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    He’s positively metroprofessional!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he is Metro…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I find it hard to engage with the pro-protaGONist, but the world-design is pretty.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Rich when he dies will be put in a tomb with a stone blocking the door…. 3 days later it will be empty. For he has risen… for coffee and a hotdog.

  • Palpatine

    Hannibal is a pretty enjoyable film, mostly due to it being really silly and over the top.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    My donkey will cut you, jefe! There-can-be-only-one.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i find a lot of people that really hate it forget that there was not many films that looked that real in the early 80’s and it is what most of us imagined the future was. Nuked, Dirty, Dark and wet.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i will post Queen dont tempt me!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I imagine it’s just backlash against the inordinate worshiping of the film? I’d be surprised if anyone could really hate the art design on a fundamental level.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I like me some Queen, little piggy.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the people who saw it in the early 80′ when the only choices where star trekwars, aliens and terminator rightly worshiped it as the intelligent scifi pinnacle of the time. times change.
    that and the many cuts mean most people dont have a definitive vision of the movie in their head.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I’d like them to just leave his bloated corpse on a beach somewhere, until it eventually explodes in the warmth of the sun, showering putrified Rich-bits all over the local township. That would be glorious. Rich is love, Rich is life.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I hate to set any film or novel as above critique. Sometimes one tears things down just to stop them from being oppressive. (I see it as a rebalancing effect.)

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i read that book? are you Australian?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that is an excellent analogy of the current situation in Venezuela.
    Edit: of what they should be doing not what they are.

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me

    haha bit like frankenstein

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Alien is also a really good boring movie, in a similar vein. But I guess puppet-porn Jay just doesn’t see the same things in both of them. :X

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Heuheu.

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me

    hehe maniacal laugh*

  • Andrew Thompson.

    they just voted to allow the president to rule by decree.

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me

    mmm brains

  • Jaws 5 – You’re Sharking Me

    still if i personally was a director i would rather bad but enjoyable than good though boring, but thats just me…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Only down under.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Glad you made that edit above. It would have been a pretty confusing analogy otherwise.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think the example Alien sets is super-important, even if I don’t feel like watching it front to back very often. There just aren’t enough examples of that level of production design and restraint in filmed science fiction.
    I’d contend there are areas the movie could have been improved in, that would have made it less boring without compromising its integrity, but I’m also fine with having it be something that mostly just lives in my subconscious rather than being an experience I actively repeat over and over.

  • TheJackFromTitanic

    Maybe movies have now become more frequent and need to be more fast paced to keep people interested. 30 years ago you could make a hollywood film like Blade Runner & 1’st Star Wars that had slow pace to really immerse people in the world.

    I think now you need to have everything shoved to your face all the time because thats what producers think the audience wants or othervise they get bored and leave the theater.

  • Jaws 7 – Shark Suey

    it just like, ya know, you ask somebody how their date was, and they say, well it was good, but boring, and the chances of them hooking up are low to say the least, ya know, like if they came back and said well, they werent bad but man was it a great night we laughed and laughed.. but then again its only my opinion.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so thats a no.

  • Jaws 7 – Shark Suey

    harrison ford is deadly dull lets be honest, he usually is, unless given something to actually do

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    My Vagina Monologue came out in an Australian accent for some reason. Damned if I know why, but it’s best to just let it do its thing or it’ll never shut up.

  • hybridm0ments

    Or the fact that it’s more like the books than any of the other Hopkins films.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    ridely scott was like hey julliane moore, be more like jody foster, yeah thats better, now ray liotta this scene right anthony hopkins is eating your brains, no no this is not a comedy, just ya know act like your brains are being eaten

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That’s some stellar direction

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    you should sell the rights to the movie, and call it ‘look whos talking now’ ya just need john travolta and that vulcan lady from cheers, and bruce willis im sure he wouldnt mind doing the voice over

  • Andrew Thompson.

    if only Prometheus was that logical….

  • andypants1989

    Something not mentioned before. The decline in the visual effects between Aliens and Alien 3 was dramatic and a huge part of why the movie sucked in comparison to the previous two films. Another one chalked up to the transition from practical effects to really early and crappy CGI in the early 90’s.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    ‘now this may for all the world look like a penis, but ya gotta take my word for it, its an alien’

  • andypants1989

    I find the Godfather about ten times more boring than bladerunner. Sorrynotsorry.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats what i said!!!
    the court did not accept that argument…

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    hehe they dont call you The Flash for nuthin

  • andypants1989

    I find Bladerunner captivating. The visuals are great and I’m constantly wondering what’s going through Deckhards head. I don’t know how much of that is by design and how much by accident as I understand there was a voice-over which was removed, but I don’t want to know. It’s an subtle movie that deals with complex concepts and doesn’t feel the need to explain itself to the audience as if everyone watching is a fucking dumby. It’s very symbolic, terrifying and dream-like. I love that. I don’t think it’s boring just because it doesn’t have splosions every two minutes. I actually find the characters fascinating because of how much is suggested, but never shown. Jay is fucking wrong on this one. Dead wrong.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    Alien, yeah hmm snore, but we will talk about it endlessly at cocktail parties haw haw haw, but Aliens.. fucking rockssssss, theres so much action in that movie man ya dick gets hard and ya dont care anybody knows about it cause bill paxton is quipin in every scene and bullets are flying out of your asshole, Alien3,, yawn .i cant even see a god dam thing turn the fucking lights on jesus, this sucks,…Alein 4 reserusction now theyre taking the piss this… this is shit.. lets watch Aliens again ..yeahhhhhhh

  • andypants1989

    Hey guys, remember Snowpiercer? That’s a good movie!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    from when i was a teeny weiney human i wanted to own 2 guns
    The Star Wars E-11 blaster.
    https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-X22c1_XJjVE/VLJMpfiCZYI/AAAAAAAAAI0/ZiDQxUIKolU/w918-h569-no/e11.jpg.

    close enough…
    and the M41a pulse rifle…
    https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-jxu2biHmkqM/VLJbf4g1naI/AAAAAAAAAM4/dnWU4kcCgB8/w805-h569-no/2012-07-22_18-16-04_171.jpg

    still working on it.

  • Galactic Shawn

    Who would win in a fist fight the “director of District 9” or the “director of Training Day”?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    my MUM!

  • Milton Dammers

    Hey Jay, you hack fraud, turn the gain down on your mic.

  • Milton Dammers

    They’re as good as each other. One is a superb haunted house in space film, one is a Vietnam war movie in space. They both have exactly the same story, but the genre flip really makes it work. Lesson: tell the same story but swap the genre.

  • Zarathustrian

    Bah, not only are you as completely clueless as they come, but you are a Cameron-fanboy as well.

    I can’t be bothered to discuss with you. After watching the commentary last night, I found out that Jay and I have pretty much the same opinion here. If you aren’t convinced by my explanations, then go listen to the commentary. This is really what the commentary was about, and you take the stance of Ritch, which is someone who is only in love with the action movie Aliens, but the difference is that Ritch finally understood that his viewpoint was completely buried in that movie, whilst the normal perspective is to judge the franchise by the first one, the horror masterpiece Alien.

    Also, you have absolutety no grip on what a one-liner is: “GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!”
    Or as Eric Cartman likes to quote: “They mostly come at night, mostly.”

    Innocent and pure, hah. So if someone isn’t a dumb, heroin-riddled whore today, it is called being “pure and innocent”? No, it’s called being normal. Or it was. Stop kidding yourself.

    Ripley is basically the same as anyone else aboard that ship. Only difference is that she is stricter when it comes to ship regulations, which later turned out was right. It follows sci-fi conventions, not horror conventions. Also, you keep telling me shit after shit about stuff I never mentioned or that I have actually already acknowledged. I know it’s a horror. I told you that first. Also, the term “final girl” was coined later on and was not set in stone. It is pretty much a bullshit term as well, because anyone who would be anything but much of that formula would be a very unlikable person, no matter if it’s man or woman. We like people who are principled, dutiful, and who is up for the challenge and gets shit done: Ellen Ripley in Alien. In fact, Ellen’s role was supposed to be a man, according to the documentary and Dan O’Bannon. “Final girl” are always meant to be girls.

    Also, it’s probably third-wave feminists who made that “final girl” thing into something that is unreal, because they are so flawed that they could never live up to that standard.

    Have fun jerking yourself off to your collection of Cameron photos. Or is it the furries in Avatar?

    And for the coup de grace: You didn’t read the link you posted did you? Because if you did you would have seen that the whole second paragraph disputes the claim that Ripley is a “final girl”. I’ll post it to your lazy, dumb ass right here.

    ‘Christine Cornea disputes the idea that Ripley is a final girl, contrasting Clover’s analysis of the character with that of Barbara Creed, who presents Ripley as “the reassuring face of womanhood”. Cornea does not accept either Clover’s or Creed’s views on Ripley. While she accepts Clover’s general thesis of the final girl convention, she argues that Ripley does not follow the conventions of the slasher film, as Alien follows the different conventions of the science fiction film genre. In particular, there is not the foregrounding in Alien, as there is in the slasher film genre, of the character’s sexual purity and abstinence relative to the other characters (who would be, in accordance with the final girl convention, killed by the film’s monster “because” of this). The science fiction genre that Alien inhabits, according to Cornea, simply lacks this kind of sexual theme in the first place, as it has no place in such “traditional” science fiction formats.’

  • omitted

    *nutting

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you arrived and i Nutted in my pants.

    Translation: Omitted came(lit: to Cum) and i released spermatozoa into my pantaloons..

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    hehe nutter 😛

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’ll neuter you!

  • omitted

    Not really, but I hope it involves a lot of forced entries.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    as long as you say it in gravely voice like batman

  • omitted

    As(s) it should be.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “I’M Batman”…. no wait i can do it “Igg’m Bagggtmagn!” thats better.

  • omitted

    *bad man

  • omitted

    *gay

  • Andrew Thompson.

    shush Omey show me where he touched you on this batman doll.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you spelt ArSe wrong.

  • omitted

    But(t) it’s not ana(l)tOmi`cally correct!

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat
  • Andrew Thompson.

    who is these days… they have pills for it though….

  • Andrew Thompson.

    isnt that police academy?
    no wait my bad…

    https://youtu.be/tdbt-sx5MDc

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    the blue oyster bar is just down the road from the manhole

  • omitted

    I was referring to Jenny’s ride…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    The Castro District is great if your in San Francisco.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    then you spelt burro wrong.
    RACIST!

  • omitted

    Castro sounds like a supervillain obsessed with removing everyone’s balls.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    hahaha lol

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he was….

  • omitted

    Nowadays just emptying them?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he is dead… ish.
    its more complicated than my existence.

  • Milton Dammers

    Jay complaining about extra scenes in Ridley Scott’s director’s cut? The Director’s Cut of Alien is shorter than the theatrical release. He took stuff out, he didn’t put things back in.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    let it go! they are hack frauds not movie critics.
    if you want to talk about how good Blade Runner is lets go!
    i love that move….
    others dont we must live with it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    @disqus_qSI8fsAl8h:disqus Top gear is on here….

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    So, RLM comment section, would you recommend Twisted Nerve?

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    The Director’s Cut, it sounds serious, i bet they sat around thinking that one up in a focus group, how can we get these to people to buy the same movie, again, directors cut, yeah that works, what does it add really, oh look there’s a shot of a wall that wasnt in the other one, did ya see that, yeah that was worth another 15 bucks

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yeah… BUT THERE WAS NO FUCKING JARJAR BINKS!
    end of argument.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    9.9 times out of 10 the original one is betterer anyway, jar jar aside… lol

  • omitted

    Is that on the Richter scale?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    From the strange but true file: i like the Philip Marlowe voice over. it was true to the noir vision.
    but i understand why the people involved didnt want to make that movie. the Hollywould beast made them do it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    on the Rich-Laughter scale its 5.8 HA… HA… HAaaaa’s

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    sphincter scale*

  • Andrew Thompson.

    whats the Pucker factor on that?

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    i like voice over monologues like stacey keach remember him, havent seen the original Blade for a long time but i dont recall the voice over making it worse, but i cant say cause its been too long

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i hate Gone with the Wind, Casablanca and am not in love with Citizen Cane.
    classics are not always good.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    citizen kane, was boring, like really boring, its like wine, that age old bullshit, where a hundred dollar bottle is better than the cask, after a few glasses ya cant tell the difference

  • Asmodeusz

    Is there something wrong with me, that I’ve already bought and listened to this commentary track…and I’ve never have seen Alien… ?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Yes… clearly.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    come on man get with the program or the spelling nazis will wake up from wherever they are and swoop down like a pack of vultures

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Nagh.. i have one of those Dyslexia cards. no one wants to be called racist.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat
  • Andrew Thompson.

    wow i haven’t heard that in 30 years…
    speaking of creepy…
    https://youtu.be/YsJAhUtDXRE

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    now there’s a nice ride

  • omitted

    Okay, heading to the city to see Chappie. Keep it classy sassy, Andrew!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you spelt Rape wrong…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    BOTH! NEVER!
    Maybe?
    have fun! if this is a date i will claw your eyes out.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    fine nothing going on….
    more 80’s music. Dorset is a thing.

    https://youtu.be/YGhhbB0Eook

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    sweet ..suddenly i feel like wrestling a crocodile and huntin me some kanagroos

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its a song about banging bored housewives in the carpark of the Dorset Gardens in Croydon.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    ya know any? 😛

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    thats an extinct bird isnt it

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yep! but they are MINE!!!!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    NO! your thinking of the Vibroraptor!

  • tOmy`

    Puzzle, or maybe more of a logical. It’s based around chemistry (no worries, no actual knowledge required) – you program “assembly lines” to create molecules. That is the very gist of it. It’s all in space, constantly introducing new ideas, story and frustrating me.

    I am not gonna lie: Today I woke up and thought about how to solve the current puzzle for like 15 minutes – it’s pretty addictive, because you know what the game wants you to do, you have many ways to do it (it is open-ended, every puzzle has many ways of dealing with it) yet you really need to plan ahead etc.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you really dont want to hunt Kangaroos… the sand gets everywhere!

    https://youtu.be/gWvxFuXNuQM

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    u beauty mate put anutha roo on the barbie

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, pull your pants up, Charlie.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    The tail roasted over open coals it the best bit.
    and you spelt Bewdy wrong.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    ever seen razorback, the same director did highlander, its pretty much a ustrayan movie im not sure if the director is or not, probably is though

  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh Yeah. you want bacon you go kill your own!
    the wild boar hunts in the Mallie are hard core pork farming.

    https://youtu.be/Z_5QuWzd4nE

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Seasons Don’t Fear The Raper

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Superman

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    hehe good song that

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    pig time

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he is. some times there can be only one…. ask Jen.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Boring, however, might be your problem, not the movie’s.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    neither do BOC!

    https://youtu.be/tdbt-sx5MDc

    DAMN IT! Not Again!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    my mum would still win.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    maybe ;p

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Unless we’re talking about BLADERUNNER. It’s got half the letters of “boring” right in the title.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Beaver puppet.

    Pretty Much The Most Ridiculous Thing You’ll See This Year

  • tOmy`

    Day shift is here! Wait, no, it doesn’t have cigarettes. Damn.

    I’ll come back soon.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    it couldnt even get them all see, half assed all the way

  • Andrew Thompson.

    tell me about it! all Sunday i wanted to stab people in their eyes for a cigarette! but none of them smoked! so many eyes!

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat
  • Andrew Thompson.

    The Day shift is here. Guten nacht, mon hommie.

  • tOmy`

    Sleep tight.

    Sleep is also a name of MCR track.

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    haha thats good man

  • tOmy`

    From time to time an issue appears – and despite it being an internet and all, I get angry. And sometimes when I get angry and this issue doesn’t go away, I am furious. And since this is the perfect platform (no, it’s not, but hey) I would like to share with you a word of advice:

    If you hate Top Gear (and you have every right to do so) just because Clarkson is awful racist, idiot and blah blah, then do yourself a favor and stop generalizing Top Gear fans into one bag, calling them all idiots. There is quite a lot of them. In no way you are then acting in any way different than the presenter you wish so much acted like it, so you can justify your hatred of the show you never watched in the first place.

  • tOmy`

    Wait a minute! So it was second hand smoke that killed the dinosaurs?!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Face it cheerleader! all car fans are RapistRacistClarksons…
    oh wait….

    https://scontent-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t31.0-8/p960x960/10733890_860583357293797_4129605680436576042_o.jpg

  • tOmy`

    It’s really bizzare how many insults and name-calling I have recieved in the past few days just because I like editing, soundtrack and humor of a car show. Apparently, me wanting to see super expensive geek cars tackling Outbacks and herding cows makes me “republican racist scum”.

    Hm.

  • Bubs

    Cory and Trevor always got smokes.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    But its an English show….???!!!
    HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE REPUBLICAN!!!?????
    FUCKING FUCKTARDS!

  • tOmy`

    When you like Top Gear, you can be anything they want you to be.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    only if Ricky and Julian gave them some. your always to busy with your kitty’s!

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    it might have been computer lag thats been known to cause deaths

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Mexican?… no wait Spanish?… not i got it WHITE?
    NO! the Answer is Roles Royce!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Tru Dat:

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Where have you been receiving these insults? My suggestion is avoid those places.

    Unless here is one of those places, you cow-herding racist!

  • Bubs

    I have really enjoyed all the commentary tracks RLM does, they’re my favorite next to the Plinkett Reviews, but this one was the weakest by far. There are plenty of funny moments, but there’s only about 4 or 5 comments directly related to the movie.

    Was there really nothing to say about this movie? You guys should’ve done a commentary track for Alien 3, since that was pretty much the focus of your discussions. I don’t know how much effort these take to make, but I would love to see more in lieu of certain other shows. I just think the discussion should be slightly more focused.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    but he wouldnt save anybody doin it though

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Bubs? you did read the product description didnt you?

  • Bubs

    Everyone knows I can’t fuckin read with these things on.

  • Bubs

    The internet is a window into the human soul. Now, as gay as that sounds, it’s just a fact. It has revealed to me the vast sociopathic sickness which seethes in the depths of a large number of people.

    I love American Psycho, because it makes this same realization. The real psychopaths, the truly dangerous people; they don’t hack up bodies and eat them for lunch. They don’t try to blow up the world with a bomb. They live next door to you, they go to school with your kids, and you have them over for coffee on tuesdays. They’re everywhere.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its worse than that they actually fuck Mike Smiths eyes up. poor bastard.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wow… American Psycho the novel was banned here for ages…..
    long before the Comment craze…… or the movie. that have nothing to do with it.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    well said sir

  • NotRickBerman

    One thing I was shocked by was how bad the audio quality was. There was clipping all over the place, and very uneven sound levels. I don’t know what they’ve done differently from their previous commentary tracks, but this sounded horrible in places.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    yeah man that’s the type that burns witches, the whole dam town

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so the rats and hydrochloric acid are not a thing?

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    thats what gets the party started

  • Andrew Thompson.

    ok… i’m defending the literary integrity of Bret Easton Ellis… that means bed time in any language.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    On the other hand, everybody loves a parade and says, “Aw,” when they see a video of a kitten.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think Sports was their most accomplished album.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ray Liotta’s Method, right? How’d he prepare for that scene? James Lipton wants to know!

  • NotRickBerman

    Only if you have a good chiropractor.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    cinemaybe is good moar… yes

  • Orange Debate

    Yeah, Jay’s right on Alien 3. It deserves defending. If you look at
    the story arch of the first three movies through Ellen Ripley’s eyes as
    our central protagonist, and not as a fan of aliens’ scares, then the
    direction of the gothic story arch is very brave and grim, which fits
    the overall bleakness of the tone perfectly. Alien Resurrection is the
    entry into the canon that’s tonally off step, way, way more than even
    Prometheus.

  • NotRickBerman

    Some of those are Robocop 3 level bad.

  • LM

    Looking at the Aliens trailer, I just realised: The alien queen has high heels, in the same style as Sarah Kerrigan’s Queen of Blades.

  • NotRickBerman

    Your view of Alien 3 depends on two things:

    1. Which of the first two films did you see first?
    2. Do you see this as more of an action franchise or a horror franchise?

    I find that most people who see Aliens being the best of the franchise either saw it as their first entry into the franchise, or see this as more of a sci-fi action series.

    Horror film fans I know tend to be ok with Aliens, and prefer the more moody and atmospheric “creeping horror” of the first and third films.

    The one thing most people I know can agree on is that if they had skipped trying to do full on action shots of the Xenomorph in Alien 3 and shot them more in the way Ridley Scott did to hide the imperfections of the effects that they would enjoy Alien 3 a lot more. Some of those effects are Robocop 3 level bad.

  • NotRickBerman

    That’s how you know she’s a lady

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    worm tongue cock-teases an alien while winona ryder’s a robot, ya got a rastafarian gun slinger and a clone of sighorny beaver all running about while a bug eyed human hybrid alien goes goofy and glitches out because he just found out he maybe sighorny beavers twin sister, and then ron pearlman makes out with some guy in a wheel chair, come on man, we all knew thats where the franchise was heading

  • Bubs

    I think this may be faked. I distinctly remember the real funeral having a prompt that said “Press X to pay respects”.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    One of the most amazing things about Alien is no hack has come up yet with an “Alien King”, or something retarded like that. You got to outdo the Queen somehow!

  • NotRickBerman

    I’m sure that will be in Prometheus 3 – The Search For Spock.
    #toosoon

  • NotRickBerman

    In listening again to the commentary the one thing I wish they had paid attention to was the actual movie. They spend a fair amount of time wondering why they don’t abandon ship and leave the Alien behind, but it’s actually pretty clear in an expository scene that the shuttle won’t support 4 people. In fact, the scene happens after Dallas is killed, which is what the second death?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    frauds gonna keep on fraud-ing

  • Gerhard Van der Berg

    I like the original more than Aliens, but the first is a space horror classic and the second is a space adventure classic (both are classics). However the problem with the third movie is similar to most horror franchises.

    When you see the first movie in any horror franchise you don’t know much about the villain and you don’t know the methodology the villain is gonna use or how it is gonna end. Once everything has been revealed the sequels are repeats of what you already saw.

    By the third movie we already know what is lurking in the shadows, not only do the audience know the strengths and weaknesses of the villain, but in the case of Alien the main protagonist also already knows all this stuff so there is no mystery to be revealed.

    That is why Aliens is so beloved, it took a space horror movie and instead of repeating what came before, it used the same premise and went a total different direction with it, this was done without tarnishing the original, resulting in one of the best most entertaining action sci-fi movies ever.

    Alien 3 went back to it’s origins resulting in a movie where the audience already knew everything worth knowing, the only thing you had to see was how the known entity was gonna be defeated and who was gonna die in the process.

    People have always told me the extended cut (not director’s cut) is awesome, but when I bought the 9 DVD Alien Quadrilogy box, the extended cut was a drag.

    Instead of better character development it is just more of what you already know. Charles S Dutton gives more lengthy preaching speeches about the nature of a good man. Something his speeches that was not cut already contained. The asshole that everyone hated who survived, just acted more assholey in the cut scenes and the horror aesthetic of hiding the villain in the shadows also get undermined as you see alien far to much in the extended edition. As already stated in the beginning hiding the alien already does not work anyway as we already know what it is, how it looks and how it acts.

  • Joe

    Just like the video preview image suggests it’s just a cheap cash grab, they want a dollar? Those greedy bastards!

  • Red Skeleton

    Do they spend any time talking about the deleted scenes? Particularly the really creepy scene where it turns out it didn’t kill Dallas and co but actually turned/is turning them into eggs? Dallas is still alive but maggot ridden and begs Ripley to kill him. It’s interesting because it completely contradicts the alien biology established in Aliens and yet explains what actually happened to the crew of the Space Jockey ship and where the eggs came from.

  • Red Skeleton

    Also the crab-walk scene? Does that come up?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They do talk a llttle about that deleted scene.

    See? The best thing about the how vague the Space Jockey scene in Alien, is how everyone can come up with their very own personal backstory to it. That is, until Prometheus came along and took a dump on our collective imagination. To me, the eggs on the Space Jockey’s ship are too methodically organized, they had to be cargo the Space Jockey was transporting somewhere. We don’t know much about how his ship works, but it looked like the control room, if that’s where he died, only required a 1-man crew (there’s just the one chair).

    I also made a comment yesterday, that the deleted scene doesn’t necessarily contradict the life cycle from Aliens. Maybe the xenomorphs reproduce differently when there isn’t a queen around to lay eggs. If a lone drone/warrior is all by itself, it will cocoon its victims as an alternative method to get eggs. Whatever it takes to ensure the survival of the species.

    Now, your theory is completely valid too. Anything is better than Prometheus. “Jesus was a Space Jockey”.

  • Zarathustrian

    Also, perhaps the aliens are driven by instinct as any less intelligent animal is. Therefore, when the alien cocooned victims, it was doing so out of the instinctual behaviour of conserving live victims for a queen. We see this sort of instinct in insects too: they just do something “programmed” even if it is pointless or futile then and there because of a wrong season, environment, resources, current situation regarding reproduction, and so on.

  • Bubs

    They actually didn’t talk about the movie. They mostly talked about Alien 3. And that Jay likes it.

  • Zarathustrian

    Incredible analysis. Very detailed, insightful stuff. It is sad that people like you are not in control something in Hollywood. Dan O’Bannon pretty much made Alien, in my mind. He made the sets and he also wrote the outline of the script and stood his ground throughout, even thought it was a massive bitch to do so. He had a vision and it was great.

    Dan O’Bannon was probably gunning for exactly what you wrote, but to have it detailed and explained the way you did it is new to me. Even I haven’t analyzed it that deeply, and I consider myself a pretty big Alien fan and a slight Dan O’Bannon fanboy.

  • omitted

    From behind.

  • omitted

    Rest assured, I went alone… like always.

  • Zarathustrian

    I think his amount of thumbs-up says what needs to be said; verdict is pretty much in.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It would be called the X-Rex. It will make an appearance in the upcoming Jurassic Park crossover that someone mentioned earlier.

  • Mark Bisone

    One of the things I liked a lot about this commentary was the part where they puzzled over what the alien eats. That’s one of the things that struck me the second or third time I watched it. What’s mysterious isn’t just the monster’s absurdly fast rate of growth, but the fact that it grows at all.

    It’s only logical that it would grow while it was incubating in Kane’s body, parasitically living off his calories – that’s why Kane is so hungry and thirsty when he wakes up. So, at that stage, it seems the monster can nourish itself using the same organic material we uses. But once it busts loose, it would need more calories to sustain its life processes, and extra ones (a LOT of extra ones) to grow from something the size of a squirrel to an 8-foot dickhead with the strength to pull Harry Dean Stanton up through an air duct.

    That’s another way in which the sequel failed to really grab me, whereas Alien 3 felt like it was trying getting back on track (like Jay, that’s my second favorite film of the bunch, though it failed in many, many ways). The monster in the first film is essentially a supernatural threat, in the sense that it’s biology (particularly it’s absurd growth rate) seems to break well-established laws of nature. Without knowing or understanding, the crew basically let a Lovecraftian demon aboard their ship, and all bets are therefore off.

    I think Ash is impressed with the monster because, as a robot, he is a strict rationalist, and the monster doesn’t appear to operating by strictly rational, predictable rules. “You still don’t know what you’re dealing with, do you?” he says. “Perfect organism”. But what does that phrase mean to a machine like Ash, who is essentially a man without a soul or will? He calls it structurally perfect, which is kind of true given that the monster’s metabolism is apparently so efficient that it can double its size every few minutes without nourishment. But it’s true in the way of fanciful, theoretical devices, like the way a perpetual motion machine is “perfect” but also “impossible” given everything we know about physical reality.

    The monster isn’t exactly Space Dracula or Freddy Krueger; it’s clearly a physical being that’s operating under a set of material rules similar to our own, and given time and careful observation it’s even possible the company’s scientists could decipher what those rules are. But in the context of the film (and ignoring the sequel’s campy, pseudoscientific approach to the creature), the alien might as well be the Wolfman, growing fur and fangs due to excess moonlight. When Ripley pleadingly asks Ash, “How do we kill it?” he might as well have replied “A silver bullet through the heart.”

    What do you mean, “How?” Kill it like you would anything else, Ripley! But, of course, they can’t do that, because for all they know this freak also uses super-dense acid for a blood supply… or explodes upon death, or becomes a Sith Lord, or a ghost who invades your dreams. It has already broken all kinds of rational rules. Who knows what other tricks it has up its sleeves? They could blow it out the airlock, sure. But, as we learn in the film’s penultimate scene, even that strategy doesn’t work, since the monster can apparently survive in the vacuum of space. Its body can even endure a point-blank blast from the shuttle craft’s thruster – the fucking thing is still moving around in the chamber for a couple of seconds before its finally blown out into space. Is it even actually dead at the end? Maybe it is Space Dracula after all!

    In “Aliens”, Cameron depicts the monster as merely a form of large, exotic animal with a really unusual life cycle (more Space Anglerfish than Space Dracula). Turning the threat mundane and predictable serves the film’s action-thriller purposes. He converts them into a fully known quantity like Ripley, so all the rules are on the table from the very beginning. Cameron doesn’t do anything new with the monster itself, except to add an even biggerer and betterer one at the end.

    Because of this, even the parts that Cameron attempted to play as horror – like the “Kill me” girl’s chestburster scene — fell flat. “Oh, I know this gag,” you say to yourself. “This is the part where the snake jumps out of her chest!” I enjoyed the film, but remember this approach being a letdown to me. After all, the audience only glimpsed the first few hours of the original Space Dracula’s weird and wacky life. The potential to expand the threat in creative, surprising and horrifying ways was all there, but Cameron hasn’t ever been a particularly creative screenwriter. He isn’t quite as stupid as Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich, but he is often just as workmanlike and bland.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Actually, it’s just severe wedgies. Y-you have been warned!

  • Palpatine

    Space Dracula? Well it looks like Len Kabasinski’s got a new film to make. All joking aside, it’s pretty obivious Cameron wanted the Xenomorph’s to be more of a hive society like ants, bees, termites, wasps, etc. While it was an interesting concept, it didn’t really explain why this lone alien decided to start killing these random people on a ship. Was it trying to claim the ship as its territory, or was it acting out of self-defense?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Man, we’re gonna have to get clean and find a dollar and buy this thang.

  • omitted

    So you were talking about Big Momma’s House after all?

  • Now I Get It

    Dood!!!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There are some things about ALIEN³ that I’d like to defend, though I don’t think they’re pulled off entirely well.

    1. I like the idea of the Industrial Site, because it mirrors the setting of the first. I wish it didn’t have to be a prison. A mining site would’ve been perfect. But, I understand it being a prison to set up a lone-Ripley kind of thing and reinforce the male-female conflict that’s been part of the previous films but never as blatant. The idea of vents and chimneys and metal-industrial structures could’ve been cool if exaggerated, in comparison to the more organic, bubbling walls of the alien environments.

    2. I liked the switch in the cat-and-mouse set-up from human to alien, but, again, they kinda dropped the ball with that.

    3. I liked the ending. Yeah, yeah. I know it came too quickly after T2 and is similar enough to feel like a rip-off, but I think it’s a lot better ending in the Alien context than in the Terminator context. That might be just me, though. I would’ve been content if Ripley had stayed dead. Sigourney’s bank account probably has a different point of view.

    I get why people were really disappointed in it, because it seems a little like going backward. Starting with claustrophobic horror, going to straight-up action, then back to more insular kind of stuff. It’s not the way we’re trained to go with these things.

    Also, I thought the whole “Ripley’s a host” thing was botched. Though the gestation period from face-hugger to chest-burster was never really that clear to begin with, I find it kinda preposterous if we’re supposed to believe she’d been carrying an embryo since stasis. (Is that what we’re supposed to believe?)

  • omitted

    If you ever really need to ward of my advances, just light one up. Total turn-off.

  • Mark Bisone

    I think the vid’ya game parlance would be, “He nerfed them.” Did I do that right?

    Even the whole “Xenomorph” naming convention strikes me as laughably pseudo-scientific jargon, since that’s just a fancier way of saying “alien form”. Gee, thanks for clearing that up, fellas! Might as well have called them “Things”.

    If the goal is to make the creature more mundane, giving it a somewhat fancier, science-y sounding name makes total sense. But Giger — a neo-pagan who flirted with Satanism — wasn’t painting exotic animals. He was like a latterday Hieronymus Bosch, crafting Hellscapes populated with nightmarish techno-demons and “I Have No Mouth, But I Must Scream”-style depictions of eternal misery. His “Alien” design was basically a Frankenstein monster built out of cocks, rectums, vaginas, wires and dinosaur bones.

  • Flaw Filial

    I think that Cameron’s approach to sequels is “make it more grandiose and give it a happy ending.”
    When Mike was listing all the similarities between Alien and Aliens, I was thinking a lot about T2. That was pretty much the first Terminator movie on a larger scale and with better special effects. The story beats, the dialogue, it was all virtually identical to th first one.
    “Come with me if you want to live.”
    “I’ll be back.”
    “Get out.”
    And Sarah’s meltdown in the mental hospital was pretty much the same as Reese ‘s meltdown at the police station.
    In sequels, Cameron seems to take a stripped-down horror premise and basically readies it… only he amps it up into what’s basically action-thriller sci-fi schlock.
    There’s a queen alien in Aliens. There’s a tougher Terminator in T2. Cameron seems to have a DBZ mindset where where the villain of the sequel needs to be like the previous villain… ONLY BIGGER AND MORE POWERFUUUUL. I guess you need to create a tougher “boss villain” to raise the stakes, but it sort of demystifies the villains of the previous films. Arnie is no longer an unstoppable monster, he’s just an inferior product manufactured on an assembly line. The Alien is no longer “space Dracula,” but a weird parasite/bug.
    I agree with Jay on this one. I love Aliens and I love T2, but their predecessors are, I think, superior.
    One thing I like about the simple horror movies over the sci-to schlock is that there’s a visceral human element to it. Ripley survives by blowing the alien out of an airlock, not by kicking its ass with a badass robosuit. Kyle and Sarah were two warmblooded humans fighting against an unstoppable killing machine– they didn’t have a robot on their side.
    I LOVE the human element of the horror movies, because it’s great to see regular people face off against the physical manifestations of our very worst fears. Alien had a badass but frightened woman face off against the very embodiment of rape. And Terminator was about accepting your fate, no matter how grim that fate may be.
    When you add sci-fi action schlock to that… the films sort of lose their mystique.

  • Palpatine

    I also agree with Jay. As much as I love Aliens and T2, and they are technically the better films, I just love Alien and The Terminator more.

  • Now I Get It

    Speaking of horror – if that’s what this is – I’ll say that I like “Near Dark”, by Cameron’s (now) ex-wife, way better than anything Cameron has ever done.

  • Palpatine

    While we’re on the subject of James Cameron, I don’t think we’ve ever discussed Titanic on here.

  • I remember I was grossed out by the sex scene in Titanic. Ba-dun-tss!
    It was boring as fuck. I was surprised to have enjoyed Avatar way more than I should. I guess I’m a sucker for half-naked blue elves.

  • John Jackson

    Don’t know that I agree with all of what you say but I definitely agree I like Sarah Connor and Ellen Ripley MUCH better in the original films. They were as you said perfectly – human. In the second film they were just an absurd action hero with no personality.

    What’s strange to me is they actually cut out a scene in “Aliens” where we learn Ripley had a daughter, that to me was such a mistake as it showed more of her human side and it also explains better why she latched onto Newt, similarly in T2 they cut out a dream sequence where Sarah talks to Kyle, I mean, can’t have our female warrior showing any kind of emotion or feminine traits.

  • John Jackson

    I’m seeing this take on it more and more, I just don’t agree. If you say let’s look at that film simply as a 90’s sci-fi flick, it’s not bad, I say the same about “Predator 2” and “Robocop 2”, but I see no possible way it fits or is a compliment to the first.

    If you’re just putting it up against the first and ignoring “Aliens” it’s basically the same thing without the novelty, with a crappier looking alien effect, with a crappier (dog?) alien, with an orange/red tone instead of the metallic look, and basically a cast of characters that no one gives a crap about because they are all rapists and murderers.

    The great Ripley who survived such horrors winds up bald, almost raped by criminals, thoroughly raped and impregnated by an Alien, and dies jumping into a fiery pit, I don’t always need happy shiny endings, but something a little more dignified.

  • Red Skeleton

    Get off my arse. I most of the films I own are back in the states. I still scan Kex for copies of…. any of the Plinkett review tracks on the off chance of finding them for a couple bucks. I guess if I was desperate I could get them both for free but I’m not going to do that.

  • Red Skeleton

    Lame.

  • Red Skeleton

    Except it didn’t just cocoon them, they were actually TURNING INTO new eggs.

  • Red Skeleton

    Um… ok, good stuff, good stuff. Not sure I can get behind the whole life-cycle thing still working with Aliens but it’s not a big deal. I just assumed it was given that the Space Jockey wasn’t travelling alone (don’t they expressly ask about what happened to the other crew?).

  • Red Skeleton

    I recall reading somewhere that there was a deleted/unfilmed scene where they locked the alien in a storage area and then later discover it ate all their food. Sheesh, do some freaking research people. (That’s directed at Jay and Mike, not you).

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yeah, the “xenomorph” thing totally is an Aliens/Cameron thing. If I remember correctly, during the production of Alien the creature was merely called the “Star Beast”, or that’s how Dan O’Bannon called it in the beginning.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I believe that might have been the working title of the film.

  • Mark Bisone

    Oh sure, there was all kinds of shit like that in the shooting script that they eventually dumped. There was even a extended version of a scene in there where Ash described the monster as a “bisexual cephalopod”. From what I recall, they don’t explicitly say it ate all their food. After Brett dies, they hunt the monster to a food locker with the flamethrower, and see a bunch of food packages torn apart. There’s also a scene where they pretty explicitly reference Grendel (the monster’s arm is torn off in by a closing door while escaping a trap).

    That’s why making a film is like carving a sculpture from a rock; you start out with a bunch of material, then gradually pare it down and refine it until it’s telling the kind of story you want to tell.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Then there was also that sex scene between Ripley and Dallas, which would have been a horrible idea.

  • Mark Bisone

    Giger called them “biomechanoids” (well, not just them, but a lot of his airbrush creations). At least that’s more descriptive then Cameron’s terminology, which basically amounts to slipping a French word into an English conversation, in the hopes of impressing dummies.

  • Mark Bisone

    Yeah. It was basically a non-explicit, throwaway scene anyway. Fincher basically refurbished the scene for Alien 3. The idea was that they weren’t romantically involved, but that sex was a form of space trucker stress relief. There was even one point where Ripley, suspicious of Ash, asks Lambert if she ever slept with him. From those two bits, you get the sense the writers were going for a Brave New World-ish depiction of sex, where it’s almost completely stripped of emotion, but not glamorously debauched in a Studio 54 way.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Bubby! How long does it take you to get cigarettes?

  • tOmy`

    I never liked it, for many reasons – all of which I can pretty much put into “personal taste” category. It just never worked for me. I always felt like they wasted that whole Titanic-story-concept on a bad romantic drama.

    It would work much better in Garden State.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Snap.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Snap.

  • Palpatine

    Well there’s other films about the Titanic, like A Night to Remember, and that animated one with a rapping dog.

  • Palpatine

    Well there’s other films about the Titanic, like A Night to Remember, and that animated one with a rapping dog.

  • tOmy`

    I think I said it here already, but hey: Avatar was a great viewing experience for me. We watched it stoned, so it really blew us away with the visuals, and at the same time it was so hilariously dumb we spent half of the movie laughing.

    Second time around, I just found it dull and pretty.

  • tOmy`

    I think I said it here already, but hey: Avatar was a great viewing experience for me. We watched it stoned, so it really blew us away with the visuals, and at the same time it was so hilariously dumb we spent half of the movie laughing.

    Second time around, I just found it dull and pretty.

  • tOmy`

    Ironically, rapping dog would make Garden State even better.

  • tOmy`

    Ironically, rapping dog would make Garden State even better.

  • Palpatine

    I wasn’t joking about that:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxHNztg0X3s

  • Palpatine

    I wasn’t joking about that:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxHNztg0X3s

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh yea, that’s in my Top 10 Vomity Sex Scenes of All Time. Fecking hand on steamed window… I felt bad for whoever was going to have to use that car afterwards. Good thing it got quarantined to the bottom of the ocean.
    I did like the part where Kate is wandering around alone inside the ship after the iceberg hits. Good film making in that part. That’s about it. Um, I guess the photo montage of her interim life was okay too. …But then she turned into that ol’ stone-chucking hag eventually, so it’s kind of a grim outcome,

  • tOmy`

    That’s my dawg!

  • Palpatine

    Then there’s another one with a giant octopus that saves all the people on the ship before it sinks.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Refurbished how? It’s been so long since the last time I saw Alien 3.

    I know about the scene with Lambert and Ripley. That one actually got filmed if I remember correctly. I would have been fine with that, as it sets the suspicion that there’s something fishy about Ash. Then again, I suppose then the Ripley-Dallas sex scene would have been necessary to explain why it would be strange for a space trucker not to want to fuck their colleagues. Overall it just wasn’t necessary to have a romance or any other such nonsense. Actually, I think it was kind of refreshing to see a movie where the main characters are just buddies and talk as such, instead having some romantic drama all the time.

  • Palpatine

    A sex scene between Ripley and Dallas?! I think I just threw up in my own stomach.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Nice to see a movie that isn’t just more anti- giant octopus propaganda.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Was the 3D eye-popping?

  • tOmy`

    Nah, only flat screen, bluray.

  • Mark Bisone

    I just mean the implied sex scene between Ripley and Clemens seems very similar to the Ripley-Dallas scene. Ripley essentially just asks him for some no-frills, unromantic sex because she’s so tired, sad and freaked-out.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I always thought there was a little romantic subtext between the two of them. But yeah, it’s better not to follow through on that thread. Wrong kind of movie for it. The inferred sexual-backup just makes all the xenomorph rapey-body-horror all the better!

    The strongly implied Ripley + Hicks in Aliens was fine though, since that was a very different kind of movie. I just assume they would have banged if Alien 3 didn’t happen…

  • Mark Bisone

    Yeah, it wasn’t necessary. It might have worked in the sense that it was handled in a pretty specifically unromantic way. They would have been fuck-buddies.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Huh. I have no recollection of that, whatsoever. I really should re-watch it. I recently had a chance to see all three on the big screen but didn’t take it.

  • Mark Bisone

    Hey, they still might. They could very well resurrect Hicks for the new Blom Blomblomp movie, since they’re throwing Alien 3 and 4 in the dumpster (right next to Bambi).

  • STACKMONSTER

    Rose is the biggest whore in cinema history. Fuck that bitch.

  • Palpatine

    Even as an old lady she’s a bitch:
    http://i.imgur.com/debu59M.jpg

  • Mark Bisone

    I’d recommend watching the assembly cut of Alien 3. It’s still an extremely flawed clusterfuck, but still an improvement in multiple ways.

  • Red Skeleton

    I think filmmaking is more like carving a sculpture from pumice. You try to chisel a bit and a whole chunk comes off. The end result is some sort of compromise between your original vision and a pile of rubble on the floor.

  • Mark Bisone

    I’ll go you one step further. From the director-producer standpoint, it’s like shouting chiseling instructions through a megaphone a hundred or so pumice-sculptors, and praying they don’t fuck it up too much.

    But that’s the worst case scenario. Filmmaking is a collaborative art with lots of moving parts, happy accidents, sudden revelations and productive infighting. In the end, the army of pumice chiselers sometimes produces a sculpture that winds up being more than the sum of its parts, and far better than the original vision for the project. Actually, as Jay rightly noted, that was exactly the case with Alien, which was initially conceived as a schlocky Roger Corman flick.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh, yeah. thanks for the suggestion. I have the Alien Quadrilogy box but I think I’ve only seen the theatrical version. I always found different cuts of movies kind of mind-numbing because you are uncertain about which one you should watch (looking at you, Dawn of the Dead). And when you finally decide to watch the other ones, you can’t even remember what’s different, leaving you with this endless uncertainty about which version is the best.

  • tOmy`

    And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

  • omitted

    That’s what he said.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Wouldn’t it be great if they came out with a Director’s Cut for Star Wars?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I mistakenly thought you had seen it already since I saw you had mentioned it. The editing is good and it sets up a really tense atmosphere in the beginning . Not much is really happening but you get this really uneasy feeling.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I just want the theatrical cut, un-edited.

  • omitted

    So you like it uncut?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You’re thinking of the Unrated Cut.

  • Mark Bisone

    I had the same reaction as I do to most of Cameron’s stuff:

    Production Value: Top notch.
    Acting: Passable.
    Storytelling: Bland and workmanlike.

    To that last category, I guess I’ll add uninspired, hackneyed, longwinded and insulting. Like Plinkett said, this was basically mega-budget remake with a childish love story sewn into it.

  • Palpatine

    How dare you not like the unrealistic romance that unfolds over the course of three days! Rose didn’t deserve to be married to a wealthy aristocrat who would’ve helped her and her mother out of their financial situation, she deserved to be with the homeless artist and his Italian friend!

  • Mark Bisone

    Look, Palpy, not all of us can use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life. Some of us have to pick up chicks the old-fashioned way (accost them in the dog track’s parking lot, poison them at bars, etc).

  • Palpatine

    Or talk them out of throwing themselves off of a moving ship into the freezing ocean below. That works too.

  • Kaitscralt

    uncut iceberg

  • Mark Bisone

    Ah, talk them out of it. So that’s my problem.

    What’s your policy on mine shafts? Too soon?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    You gotta know when *not* to use the force. Very wise.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’d settle for Luke having the unicorn dream as the only change.

  • Mark Bisone

    Right. It’s a scene that establishes the monster’s complete circle of life, making it more animal than space-demon. Again, I kinda think it was yet another scene that was dumped because it only served to demystify the threat.

    So much of what was left out seemed to be material that served to normalize the monster, or that made it seem more morta;, rational and vulnerable. For instance, in addition to the other stuff we talked about, the original scripted ending of the film had Ripley watch the monster crumble apart into dust after being blasted by the thruster. In some ways, that’s a very Dracula-esque ending for Space Dracula, but at the same time it closes the book on what can actually destroy it.

  • Now I Get It

    No! Carrie Fisher said it best: “There are no breasts in space.” She didn’t agree with it, but she said it. I am, however, for the return of the original Ripley’s (so-called) “competence porn”…

    http://io9.com/the-moment-when-science-fiction-split-off-from-competen-1112227008

    which surely inspired the creation of the very hot and very untameable Turanga Leela and Zoë Washburne.

  • Palpatine

    “How to Charm a Rich Girl in Three Days” by Jack Dawson:
    Step 1. Watch girl from a distance while you’re with your friends. Even though she’s avoiding eye contact with you, keep watching. Continue watching when her jealous finance comes to retrieve her.
    Step 2. If the same girl decides to commit suicide by throwing herself off of the stern of the ship you’re on, talk her out of it by telling her what’ll happen. If she’s slips when you’re helping her over the railing, pull her back up, she’ll be grateful for that. Her jealous finance will be grateful as well and may even invite you for dinner.
    Step 3. Walk around the ship deck all day and talk about the great weather and how you grew up. Then ask the girl if she really loves the man she’s about to marry. To make things better, teach her how to spit.
    Step 4. Go to a fancy dining room with a bunch of rich people and try to act rich even though your poor. The dinner most likely be boring, so take your girl to the area where you and the other poor people hang out at.
    Step 5. If the girl tells you and her shouldn’t be together, then you should be emo at the bow of the ship. If the girl comes back to you, pretend to fly with. When things really get intimate, she’ll let you draw her naked. You may even have sex in someone’s car!
    Step 6. Uh oh, the ship you’re on hit an iceberg and now it’s sinking! To make matters worse, you’ve been framed for robbery and are being handcuffed to a pipe in the sinking ship! But wait, your girl is here! She’s freed you with an ax and now you have to get off the ship.
    Step 7. But what’s this?! Only women and children are allowed on the lifeboats? This looks goodbye. But wait, she’s changed her mind! She’s jumping off the lifeboat and back onto the sinking ship. She wants be with you. But her crazy fiance doesn’t like that at all. He’s trying to kill you now! Run for it!
    Step 8. Whew, you got away safely, but the ship’s still sinking and you gotta get off. But it appears to be too late. Hurry, go to the back of the ship where you and your girl met. Hold on tight because this ship’s goin’ down fast!
    Step 9. You, your girl and 1500 others are in freezing water, with little chance of rescue. Let your girl have the entire piece of wood you can both fit on. Looks like your death is near. Before you go, tell your girl never to let go and that you love her.
    Step 10. Whoops, you died. Even though she said she’d never let go, she lets your dead body sink to the bottom of the ocean even though bodies float.
    Just use these 10 Steps, and you’ll have teenage girls all over the world in love with you.

  • tOmy`

    I totally forgot about this part: “This looks goodbye. But wait, she’s changed her mind! She’s jumping off the lifeboat and back onto the sinking ship. She wants be with you. ”

    Hey, wait a second, maybe that’s why I never got a date on a sinking ship! I am always the one IN the lifeboat, while she stays on on the sinking wreck. I always tell her to never let go, tho. Just as you said. Not letting go of the railing makes the death faster.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of: The third time I tried to pull this off on a sinking ship (I think it was called Dexter Final Season) she didn’t let go of the railing and, guys, you will NOT believe it, but it turned out, and now this is hilarious, that we were actually in a swimming distance to the shore.

    Girls are soooo gullible these days, right? Up high!

  • tOmy`

    I would like a voice over in the ending of Jedi tho. He nods the ghosts, gets embraced by Leia and thinks: “And eventhough she is my sister, I would still do her.”

    Padam-padam-padam-padapapam-tooo-daaaa-da-da-da-daaaa-daaaa…

  • tOmy`

    These conversations are nice and all, but some of us have to finish work and not keep on coming up with entertaining ideas to dodge my deadlines.

    Get off my computer, people!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nope.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jump in life boat. This looks goodbye. Let it go. (It’s not just a song; it’s a story!)

    Got it.

  • Pada-meh?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Slow it down…

    ♪ It’s sinkin’ time,
    It’s sinkin’ time.
    Everybody’s in the brine,
    ‘Coz it’s sinkin’ time. ♪

  • Did it stay on the ship with the fiddlers? I hope so.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    For some reason your post made me think of the drummer from Def Leppard.

    Dunno why. Some brain problem I think.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    When I watch that awkward elevator ride in Jedi I always imagine Luke thinking to himself, ‘Does Dad know?’.

  • CynicalOptimist22 .

    It’s gonna be great

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There was an AVP 2 ?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The unexciting version edited Jorge

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So this week another Hunger Games rip off comes out. I have seen some of these young adult type movies and some of them are actually good movies but I those are few compared to the other pieces of shit being released. What are your guys’ thoughts on them teenager novels being made in corporate money making machines disguised as films?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Cameron Crowe has made another Elizabeth Town.

    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/accidental_love/

  • dollar store cashier wife

    they’re so bland it’s hard to muster up any kind of emotion towards them

  • Ogrot

    In the recently released special edition director’s cut of Star Wars, George Lucas used the latest cgi rendering technology to make Luke, Han, and Leia look more like Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher do nowadays. He also added lens flares and gaudy light saber designs all to make the film more consistent with the aesthetic of episode 7. Additionally he added a new 2 and a half foot tall alien side kick named Gooobuu who is an adorable mashup of a cuddly pumaman and a sexy centaur and talks like an over the hill trashy sex worker who will do anything for crack. His weapon of choice is a seven foot long vibroblade that he wields with his mouth while ninja flipping across the screen like some kind of fucking horse ninja.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    isn’t this flop directed by that hack O.Russel?

  • tOmy`

    I stopped giving a fuck around the time last Dirty Harry Potter movie came out. When you look at the whole HP franchise, it’s almost baffling how many bad choices they were able to make and undermine everything that was “alright” with the book, while putting a massive spotlight on all the bad writing / plot choices by J/K Rollinginmoney.

    This was the first time they should have walked away from these movies.

    Then came Twilight (as far as I remember) and it turned out to be the second worst thing made by humans, except for the bagpipes.

    Around the time Hunger Games came out, I just couldn’t care anymore. Maybe because I wouldn’t even read it in the first place, but just the whole execution of something that resembles average idea seems off putting to me, blend and just boring.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    A teenager unwittingly topples an empire with a ragtag band of sidekicks while learning about themselves. Works for me.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Similar as hell movies. I can’t tell any more.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Still, “Spanking the Monkey” was some pretty messed up shit handled expertly, no?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But who cares what you think? All the studio wants is for you to pay an extra ticket for your daughter(s).

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Are there any plans for “The Tripods”? I don’t dare google – the last time I did that I found out there *were* plans to remake ‘The Incredible Mr. Limpet”.

  • tOmy`

    Then they should try harder. Honestly. If I had a daughter I wouldn’t even drag her to see Harry Potter. Not because the movies suck, I actually find them mildly watchable (except like two of them), but a person in this age should at least take something from these movies.

    And now I know you might say: But of course they take something from these movies / books!

    Except no. Not at all. It’s hardly “educational” about something – Harry Potter lucked out 7 years in row, prophecies don’t mean shit, philosophy is as vague as it can get, everyone is dumb and while fantasy book COULD at least hint on problems with our actual society, this by default and by concept cannot even do that.

    And yea, I know I may be hating on a book from a perspective when I expect something from it that wasn’t even meant to be there in the first place – yet you have a whole army of fans constantly rambling about all the life lessons in it and so on. I am sorry, I just don’t buy it.

    (Safe to say: By the time I got into HP (3rd book), I already finished LOTR, lot of Discworld, Vonnegut and a lot of sci-fi, so I may be a bit biased.)

  • Palpatine

    He sang a rap cover of “Nearer My God to Thee”.

  • Tony Limbert

    You know… The Tripods would actually work! They would fuck it up, but as a YA series it would be PERFECT for a modern movie adaptation!

  • Yep. It was better than the first one but that’s not saying much. AVP2 the game, however, was a whole different story.

  • tOmy`

    I just had a brilliant idea – we should totally come up with a rhymed version of The Bible.

    Something like “The Urban Bible LP”. Kanye should make most of the vocals, as he calls himself Jesus anyway. 2pac can be our Holy Spirit. And the “Father” figure? Well, I cannot imagine a better father figure than Eminem.

    Fuck, this actually writes itself.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You got this all wrong. You don’t drag your daughter(s) to these movies they drag you. The little bitches won’t stop fucking nagging you about seeing the film for months on end. Finally you give in but WHAT’S THIS?! Your wife and/or husband has been reading the books too. So you drive all of them there and you pay for three plus tickets.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Yeah, something tells me even now they couldn’t end it with the original ending. This can only mean Peter Jackson will be involved.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Tripod? You shoots a movie with a steady hand? That’s old school bro.

  • Makes me want to say: “nailed it” for some reason.

  • tOmy`

    So that’s the plan for my Monday night then! Sterilization and then off to bed!

  • Palpatine

    Even though I’m a Star Wars character, I’m actually a pretty big HP fan. Mostly because of my pal Voldy.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I was JUST thinking that!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’ll cut a man’s balls off?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’m hard core, yo.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Vody isn’t as smart as you are, Frank. That stupid fucking idiot thinks that all non mud bloods are better than regular non magic people and wants to crush them all yet he doesn’t know jack squat about the modern military and military technology.

  • tOmy`

    Hey, I am not saying I didn’t enjoyed the books – I just don’t get the hype at all. And it is a serious hyperbole of opinions.

    It’s just very easy to read, charming fantasy book for younger galactic emperors. It ain’t no fucking Kafka. But I think, ultimately, my biggest problem with the books came after I read them – movies, J.K. constantly twittering about shit and supercharged fans telling me how smart it is. I guess I am partially to blame for stepping a bit away from this franchise, but I just cannot take it seriously anymore.

  • Ogrot

    No you just have good taste. Though in JK Rowling’s defense it did get many kids to embrace reading full length novels some of whom eventually graduate to the books you mentioned.

  • Palpatine

    Don’t forget he can use a spell which can someone in a second. Maybe I should’ve made him my my partner in crime instead of that six foot tall emo bitch.

  • tOmy`

    Also, he hires like the worst fucking death squad in the history of Universe. If you base your army on bunch of bozos that cannot take down a 15 year old, then maybe it is time to stop making decisions, buddy.

  • tOmy`

    Hey, I do yoga too!

    EDIT: I am leaving this joke here as it is a beautiful definition of “weak”.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Don’t forget Harry also has no real combat experience, nor do any of the Hogwarts students. How come his Nazqul are easily killed by 12 to 18 year old kids and the elderly?

  • tOmy`

    Because GOOD triumphs EVIL, Harry. That, and biased point system in the only educational institution in GB for magic kids.

  • Ogrot

    I don’t see how sterilizing your kids will solve anything.

  • Palpatine

    The hype’s pretty much worn off by this point, but the fan base is still at large, and people will continue to read the books ages from now. I re-read the books every now and then as well. Harry Potter is just a lightning in a bottle thing that’ll go down in history along with Star Wars, Star Trek, and LotR as one of the big geek phenomenons.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But that don’t make no sense. At least in something like Star Wars when good in the end triumphs over evil you see the rebels be crushed by the Empire and severely I might add. Isn’t there this thing called realism that british lady forgot?

  • Palpatine

    Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

  • tOmy`

    Well, Voldy had his shot, but he always ended up making convoluted plans, rather than just flat out bombing Hogwarts back to the stone age.

  • Palpatine

    I’m really regretting not giving Voldy some help when he attacked Hogwarts.

  • Ogrot

    Imagining that line with the emperor’s voice is so ridiculous.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Also why didn’t he just buy a gun? Why didn’t any one buy a gun? You can easily kill wizards in this world. They’re not like Jedi when they can block blasts from blasters.

  • tOmy`

    “Palpy, they have some weird shield thingie around Hogwarts. Me and my massive army are helpless!”
    “No worries, my padawan, we shall send a small group of henchmen to take down their shield generator. I… I read about it somewhere… like… totally unrelated thing, really. Also, worth mentioning, look for the exhaust pipes. Again, just a suggestion.”

    Or, alternatively:

    “Tell Malfoy to seek for that room that appears only when you need it and it always comes with something you wish for.”
    “So he can have a last gang-bang with 10/10 pornstars?”
    “Don’t be silly, Voldy, everyone in that school never thought of that, despite being raging teenagers. No, tell him to wish for an activated nuke and then tell him to run.”

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Seriously, even one bulk cruiser, ka-blammo, no more Hogwarts.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, wouldn’t it be ridiculously effective, when the first time we see Deatheaters entering the screen during the whatever tournament, they come in guns blazing? Like M16 and shit. Lemme tell you, they might be magic tents, but they are still made from leather, not bulletproof alloy.

  • tOmy`

    “Alice’s perfect life is turned upside down when a freak accident leaves a nail lodged in her head, causing erratic (and erotic) behavior.”

    PG-13.

    Yea, I am not buying that.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Before you, there was no reliable armed force, dissent in a hugely incompetent Senate and lawless Jedi running amok. If thats ‘good’ then lets give evil a few movies, why not?

  • tOmy`

    Don’t forget about situations like “trivial disputes” turning into full blown invasions within hours.

    Galaxy really is a scary place. Palpatine 2016!

  • tOmy`

    What new and not overdone fantasy / sci-fi monsters you would like to see as a central piece of new movies? I was always hoping for Sirens and Banshees.

  • Zarathustrian

    Are those scenes in any of the official releases, because I can’t remember ever seeing victims turning into eggs? That they look like eggs maybe, but never into actual eggs or something resembling it.

    Also, as the poster above states: “Maybe the xenomorphs reproduce differently when there isn’t a queen around to lay eggs. If a lone drone/warrior is all by itself, it will cocoon its victims as an alternative method to get eggs.”

    What Prometheus did was much, much worse. It was a big fuck you to Alien fans. Pretty much just like how the Star Wars prequels shat on our faces.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t have a problem with the books, it’s movies I have a problem with. Don’t get me wrong, I love the movies, but they cut out so much important shit from the books, it’s kind of insulting.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Creepy wet Asian kids crawling on ceilings.

  • tOmy`

    I was looking forward to the final Hogwarts fight like a small child. I thought since they cut the movie in two parts, there is going to be a lot of time to make it really great and epic.

    Yea… about that…

  • Palpatine

    I wish the movies had Peeves the Poltergeist in them. Rik Myal who was in Drop Dead Fred was going to play him but got cut. That was the perfect casting damn it, and they fucked it up.

  • tOmy`

    “They fucked it up” – unfortunately, that is the exact way I would describe this whole movie franchise post-Prisoner.

  • Bubs

    The Wendigo.
    Cue @lenkabasinski:disqus

  • Cream-A-Thon

    The next photo was taken down after the public indecency charges were.

    @redlettermedia A wild Rich Evans costumer appeared at Planet Comicon in KC. pic.twitter.com/E7uf2WIPMc— LonghairedBard (@GMBosko) March 16, 2015

  • Palpatine

    Can’t really blame them, after the third book, the books were 500+ pages long. And I guess the studio figured making a three and half hour long movie would be too much work.

  • Jaws 007 – Licensed to Eat

    maybe, but it doesn’t work for me, it’s school, ya know, it’s kind of like young sherlock holmes, the concept is a bit lame, but it’s not like my down vote of harry is going to influence the over whelming majority of folks or anything, but yeah not my thing

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oh, my GAAAAAAAWWWWD!!!!

  • Thanatos2k

    There’ll be a big button in front of the exhibit, and if you press it his laugh plays extremely loudly from nearby speakers.

  • Jawsy Potter pt.9 – Moar Jawsy

    personally i blame all those shape-shifting lizards who are secretly behind all of this

  • Thanatos2k

    Why would he turn the gain down on his Mike, Mike’s audio was fine.

  • dejectedchuckle

    I like these guys but I think after a while you just have to make your peace with the fact that they miss a lot of easily stated exposition (or whatever) in movies. It’s fine cause plot alone isn’t really the beginning and end of movies vis-à-vis what makes a movie good or bad overall… but yeah it’s kind of annoying when they harp on details that get explicit answers in the text of the film.

  • Thanatos2k

    You could even go with the “A lone drone eventually ascends into a queen if none are available and starts making eggs” approach. (You know, like some ants do, going with the whole bug alien theme)

    It explains why it needs some people need to be kept alive.

  • dejectedchuckle

    That is complete horseshit since Silence is very nearly a word for word adaptation.

  • hybridm0ments

    But the characterization of lecter as a vampire wasn’t really true to the novel.

  • Thanatos2k

    Maybe it just hated humans. I know I would.

  • Thanatos2k

    Why do we need to discuss it, there’s already been a Plinkett review.

  • Thanatos2k

    Are you talking about the Hunger Games, or 50 Shades?

  • dejectedchuckle

    That’s actually fair yeah. For me Silence is closest to the tone of of it’s respective adapted work overall with regards to the Hopkins movies which is more where I was coming from.

  • Thanatos2k

    Way too thin. The purple R2 looks cool though.

  • Palpatine

    I wanna see an adaption of the My Immortal fan-fiction.

  • atheistconservative

    Honestly not saying this to be mean, but not your best work guys. I was actually surprised by how little you had to say about the movie. It was like having a podcast on while someone else watched a movie on the other side of the room.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the 80’s tv version of that was really well made for the time.
    i’d watch a new one.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    they will have to add more female characters and cut the last book into two parts. they wont build new planes they will learn to fly Harrier Jump Jets and nuke the gold citys, instead of just cracking them.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you cant buy guns in England.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    cant even sit through it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    click the link under the video its free to listen to any time.

  • omitted

    “Get off, my computer people!”
    I fixed that comma for you.

  • omitted

    In Finland we got this Buffy-esque television series about Nymphs a while back. Too bad it was utter shit.

  • Uncle Dan

    Discworld has kind of ruined fantasy for me in general. I hold it all to a similar standard of cleverness because Discworld is just wonderful. I can still read it, but I’m not drawn in. Is it really possible to read Harry Potter the same way after reading the Tiffany Aching books? Both are series of books of children growing up learning about magic, but Tiffany is such a grounded, real character learning about the hard choices in the path she’s decided to take in life.

    I started reading Harry Potter only a couple of years ago, and it’s alright but I’m not terribly taken in by it. Maybe it’s a generational thing, and I’ve only read the first 2-3 books… but it feels like light entertainment. Which is fine, but the hype feels a little out of place.

  • Uncle Dan

    There’s a Malay/Indonesian monster called the Pontianak which just creeps the shit out of me. Directly translated they portray it as a vampire but it’s not really. The risen soul monsters of women who died during childbirth, something like that.

    On the other hand, the Toyol is a little green tree goblin thing which grabs your junk if you pee on its tree without apologising first. There are already a couple of incomprehensible Malaysian comedies about them.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XALdv9n0ciA

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s the kind of horror I really like. The horror of Dread. Psychological / ambiguous stuff. Moreso than Monster Eats Teenager.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Alzheimers.
    That or the Chupacabra.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jim Carrey gotta eat.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yo mama.
    I got nothin’.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    St. Paddy’s Day and you’re ranking on bag-pipes? Wicked brave, bro. Aren’t you afraid of leprechauns?

    Accordion > Bag-pipes > Piccolo

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Where is all this evidence of kids reading?
    I call bullsh!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, Good is lazy, anyway.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Because, wands.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yeah. So how was FROZ…I mean, CINDERELLA?

  • tOmy`

    Dissing accordion infront of Czech people? Also brave, no matter what day it is.

    (This may or may have not been from Eminem’s song.)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “I’ve got a nail in my head. Let’s [redacted].”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yo, check it.

    I gots Accordion on top, yo.

    Don’ be a [word that got me a duet with Elton John on some dumb show].

    (This was definitely from an Eminem rap.)

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of Ripley Scott’s Top Gear: Archive live tonight! Stoked! Stoked!

  • omitted

    She gets nailed from both ends!

  • tOmy`

    It’s also really interesting that while you are trying to cover 500+ pages of book during one 2 hours long movie, you still CAN make it boring somehow.

    I think I had that feeling with The Order and the first part of the finale movie – I just didn’t care. And sometimes, despite reading the books, I was even confused about what the heck is happening.

    Despite my “hate”, I would say there were good parts / segments of the movies post-Prisoner. The Harry / Voldy duel at the end of the 4th one was pretty fucking great. It had a great, dark vibe in it. Same when Deatheaters got introduced during the 4th one – that was so badass! I also liked spending time with the “dark side” during the final movie – if it was up to me, the whole movie should have been about them. One of the meetings around the table was really memorable. Definitely better than whimpering kids dancing to Nick Cave in the foggy wood. Ugh.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    The Welsh!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Rock n’ Roll! Rock n’ Roll!

    -or-

    Electronica! Electronica!

    [Whichever is appropriate, though, I gotta say, the latter doesn’t quite have the same ring. “Hello, Cleveland! Are you ready to, um, jerk around in spasms while we flash bright lights at you?”]

  • tOmy`

    They usually say “Are you ready to party?” Jeeez, man, get a grip on the hype and get down with the shawty next to you.

    This is gonna be a middleground – I think in their peak, they had like 18 members – from DJs, rappers, vocalists to guitars, orchestra etc. This tour is more of an experience – first they show their movie, then the concert starts – lot of lights and projections, yet the “album” they are bringing now is very rockish. It’s like Pink Floyd meets modern era.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Which “album” would that be? Axiom?

  • omitted

    This pretty much sums up my feelings:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-U0ABycndc

  • tOmy`

    Restriction album tour. They will be showing Axiom movie. So I guess the combo of these two + some older stuff (song Bullets been confirmed.)

    Songs worth checking out: Again (long version – very Floyd-y), Controlling Crowds, Dangervisit and Bullets – possibly my most favs.

  • tOmy`

    Just reminded me: I heard that Frozen song for the first time two days ago. I found it pretty much uninteresting and far from catchy.

    I guess I am one of the few, but still, what the heck?

  • omitted

    That’s some pretty big cock rock you’ve been living under this past year.

  • tOmy`

    I read about Pontianak somewhere – that was actually an article that made me interested in “what can we shove into movies” and few months after it it lead to this very post. There is plenty of such monsters / spirits in European folklore as well – I think Scotland / Ireland / Northern and Eastern Europe especially – we tend to be a bit creepy when it comes to our folklore.

    I think the two most “popular” in Czech Rep are Čerti – basically horned demons from hell (I know, Omie, I know) that try to trick humans and get their souls and then Vodník – a green monster living in ponds / lakes, who drowns people and put their souls into pots. This is the reason why noone in Czech Republic has a soul – we got rid of that shit a long time ago, just to avoid getting into the crosshair of anything supernatural.

    Vodník: http://www.galeriemoderna.cz/paints/josef-1887-1957-lada/josef-lada-vodn-k-litografie-1942.jpg

    Čerti: http://img.ct24.cz/cache/616×411/article/53/5278/527761.jpg?1386248989 (this is a bit more disturbing version of them tho)

  • tOmy`

    Well, I don’t listen to radio, I don’t know about anyone who saw the actual movie and I really didn’t care too much.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Still’ve not listened. Fucking existence outside RLM content.

  • tOmy`

    Tiffany would most likely kill Voldemort within the first two books. With a frying pan.

  • Uncle Dan

    And she would’ve done it alone too, because that’s what witches do.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Life is the New Content.

  • tOmy`

    But yea, Discworld is a nice (and absolutely unfair) comparison to Harry Potter – Terry crafted the world with a certain goal. You could also feel the progress – by the end of the Discworld, you could really say that it feels like Discworld used to be much bigger place – I know it is a cliche saying, but it works very well here – suddenly, all these other parts of the Universe collide and have their logical place.

    Rowling made up shit as she went along (not totally different to Pratchett tho) but she dropped it always by the end of the book. If she was to write Reaper Man, she would also go for the “golden field of wheat” in the end, but within the next book, it would be gone. Yet Pratchett kept it there – as a reminder of the story already told, wink to fans and a logical continuity of the world. Aside from all the “technological progress” books, I think Night Watch story line depicts this perfectly.

  • NotRickBerman

    I think it’s more the fact of questioning it, then revisiting questioning it, when they could be talking about things that are better suited to the commentary, like how Jay is an American Psycho type repressed alpha male who will one day snap and murder the entire RLM crew on a BOTW shoot.

  • NotRickBerman

    Actually I’d love for the RLM crew to do a commentary track for one of Len’s movies, with Len there poking fun at himself as well as giving some insights into the production.

  • NotRickBerman

    But they already did a Plinkett review for Baby’s Day Out.

  • tOmy`

    Well, I guess we want something more in depth.

  • NotRickBerman

    Life is the cereal Mikey likes.

    https://youtu.be/vYEXzx-TINc

  • NotRickBerman

    So did Ian Watkins

    But that didn’t end well either.

  • tOmy`

    Awwwww, I want that cute little plane toy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You cannot possibly know how much a boy of that generation named Mike HATED that fyucking commercial and those gap-tooffed sons-o-bytches!

  • Uncle Dan

    The thing about Harry Potter, at least as it comes across to me in what I’ve read, is that the appeal is mostly in its sense of wonder and vicarious adventure. It doesn’t ask why magic is there, it just says it is, like most Fantasy really.

    Which is why it’s hard to read other Fantasy after Discworld because on the Disc, magic isn’t just taken for granted. It exists, but it’s dangerous and risky and not as interesting as what actually gets created by people.

    In the same sense, the pseudo-social-class thing about muggles and magic users feels very simplistic. Like with magic, it’s just there. It doesn’t feel like real people are living in it. Kind of like how Legend of Korra really dropped the ball with its bender/non-bender dynamic. But on Discworld, how would dwarf women react to moving to a big multi-ethnic city? In a way that suits them on their own terms, which is wonderful to read as it develops.

    Anyway, speaking of Discworld, I was really disappointed by the lack of any good film adaptation. When I read “Going Postal” I thought it really felt like it could be well converted into a screenplay, but when it became a TV film I was really disappointed and sad. Not even Charles Dance could save it for me.

  • NotRickBerman

    AT least those son of a bitches weren’t death merchants who distribute drugs to our children through schools and on the streets.

  • tOmy`

    Since we are on the mama topic, do you know that Eminem allegedly made up with his mother?
    And that Mama is also one of the best songs by MCR?

    #Education

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, maybe not.
    But they did start the whole sagging trend, long before Tupac.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You can’t trust lizards.
    They can change skin color. Racists!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    weak!

  • tOmy`

    Yea, Harry Potter universe feels poorly thought out because it is poorly thought out. Most of the interesting things get glossed over by some vague explanation. Anything useful always appears only at the certain time of a need and then it is never heard of again. It can feel very random – and in that regard, I somehow don’t feel like thinking about the books too much, maybe missing some of the “life lesson” stuff people talk about. But when I start thinking about Harry Potter universe, it quickly ends with a realization on how nothing makes sense, everyone is blind and stupid and everything collides logically with everything else. It’s a nice fantasy, but it lacks any limits or some basic structure of rules and laws that I could build some understanding on.

    Going Postal is one of the 5 books I still miss in my collection (and I am not downloading Pratchett), so I cannot be the judge. I always wanted to see Soul Music as a movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And she’s not even Chinese!
    Racist!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Lucky dude. I mean, if you gotta live under a big phallus, it’d be ok as long as you could avoid trends in Disney pop.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wait until you hear “Everything Is Awesome.”

  • NotRickBerman

    Leave Mike’s man boobs out of this.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m never gonna wear any Dolce and Gabbana, either.
    In solidarity with my test-tube brothers and sisters!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Wow… i just saw Battle Los Angeles. way to directly shoot scene for scene remakes of better movies!.
    i liked it though… better than a transformers movie.

  • NotRickBerman

    Maybe she’s Romulan.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    BOOM!
    There it goes.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Specieist!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    just like SOS Jesus.

  • omitted

    I was hoping for a “Clever girl!”.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Some of ’em can even change gender.
    Sexists!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Jesus goes to the innkeeper hands him three nails and asks
    “Can you put me up for the night?”

  • omitted

    Too bad I have only experience living with one (and no, I’m not referring to my roommate).

  • NotRickBerman

    Paint drying has better action and wittier dialogue than a Transformers movie.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i literally typed half of that joke and then went for the Species angle…. cause bewbs.
    https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRqthzUYsXpYaec9RFvOLR9ZwF8s_4XosU_Rm3QXIT4X2NLdxEF

  • tOmy`

    Does that V stand for vagina?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    my cat killed a rabbit… watching it decompose is better decompose than any Michael Bray movie.

  • omitted

    It’s clearly a road sign.

  • tOmy`

    “This road is not maintained during the winter season”?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no. it stands for the difference between NC-17 and R

  • Andrew Thompson.

    quite often… but its dark so the hair is harder to see.

  • NotRickBerman

    Certainly funnier and more entertaining.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    go watch Orphan Black.

  • omitted

    Isn’t Oprah always black? Racist!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think you need to reevaluate your priorities, Tapey.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That sounds like something disgusting someone would say on Twitter!

  • omitted

    *Twatter

  • NotRickBerman

    That’s what she said.

    The dirty, dirty woman.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Doesn’t EVERY V stand for vagina?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no, thats always FAT!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I got it from Ashton Kutcher. It’s his meme.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think you mean P.H.A.T.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    #Hypnogina.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no, i have seen Opera…. i stand by my arsesement.
    not that its a bad thing i like curvey women… so does Opera….

  • RLMkeepitup

    They stopped at requiem. Simply put one watch of that movie will explain why. I enjoy a good bad movie but wow, nothing redeeming there. The next one would have to be AVP: redemption.

  • omitted

    Weightist!

  • omitted

    What does that brower have to do with this?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sigh, can’t even spell her name right… You racist sexist racist.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    BRING IT!
    as Monty Python once said….

    https://youtu.be/FKeQpeDkoGc

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m dyslexic you rasict!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dyslexic? I haven’t even met her yet.
    Um. Wait.
    Sowiiieee.

  • NotRickBerman

    Now. Back to 9/11…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Knob aphasic horse fly q-bert!!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    MMMMM, Ben Browder…..

    https://youtu.be/nPnOwdhj2NU

  • RLMkeepitup

    The point about the bad effects on the moving (composite?) alien are spot on. The closeups of the prop alien 3 though were amazing. Anyway in Alien 1 they do say the escape pod can’t hold 4 people. Then Parker says I’m not drawing any damn straws etc. and goes to kill it. Funny part is the mining vessel is ridiculously large for that crew, yet the escape pod can’t hold them? Also we never see android vs. alien action in these movies, someone put that on the list of things to mess up.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Who are you calling an aphasic horsefly?

    Cubist!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Now your confirmed for racist! i get aphasia from migraines!
    it is kind of funny though.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    JURASSIC UNIVERSE 2: ALIEN TRANSFORMERS – THE RISE OF THE DAWN OF THE END OF THE PLANET OF ULTRON

  • Jaws 2 – Om Nom Nom

    it’s a conspiracy man they’re comin to get us, there’s no where to run, or hide from them scaly bastards, i should know im ex cia but i cant talk about it, secrecy act see, but i do know, it wont be long now, because theyre plannin it as we speak

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you for got to silver surfer your fantastic hulk.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Gotta save some for the third.

    Think, baby! “Franchise” ain’t just for cheeseburgers anymore!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i kinda want a happy meal… is that wrong?

  • Palpatine
  • Mark Bisone

    I’ve heard this complaint a few times, but the fact is the vessel is never mentioned as an “escape pod”. It’s called a “shuttle”, meaning it was probably never intended to for escaping an exploding mother ship. My guess is the craft’s purpose was performing short trips, repair runs and, you know, shuttling things back and forth, with a couple of cryobeds jammed in there just in case as backup life support in case something goes horribly wrong. In Star Trek, they don’t call their shuttles escape pods, even though a small crew might use it for that purpose in a pinch.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    meh… fuck the Irish!
    they cant take a joke.

  • Sully

    Thanks, Paddy Palpy.
    Today also happens to be my 14th Wedding Anniversary.

  • Sully

    Whaddaya mean? We’ve been living next to the English for thousands of years!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Piss WEAK! Scotland had to share an Island with them!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Congrats! 14 weddings might be a bit too many, but hey, you’re the fox here.

  • Sully

    Piss weak must be an Australian thing. Everyone knows Irish piss is combustible.

  • Palpatine

    Aren’t Aussies and English the same thing?

  • its called bleach

    they call him ben browder because of his paleoithic skull structure

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Looking at April releases, besides Paul Phart: Mold Crop 2, did they really make a sequel to Edwards’ Monsters? That was just basically his sizzle reel for directin’ them big movies. And it has racisty sub-title too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cadxeA__v4

  • Jaws 11 – Jaws Strikes Back

    that’s the bullshit that the story needs for its premise basically man, you need a big place to run about in for cinematic effect, and no way off the ship for reasons that keep them there, the android v alien thing was probably limited so they can’t use it to kill the alien for them but he is quick with a knife between fingers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGxe3S4FMOM

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I knew neither of those things.

    Did you know Mama is also one of the worst songs by Genesis and also one of the worst movies associated with Guillermo DelToro?

    #Mama-KindaAverageOnTheMemorableAccomplishmentsScale

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes. It’s MONSTERS mashed up with ZERO DARK THIRTY.
    It’s gonna be great.

    #Giggle

  • Mark Bisone

    Quick question for any Alien fanatics, here: Has anyone been able to successfully hunt down William Gibson’s 2nd draft of his screenplay for Alien 3? The 1st draft version is easy to find, which is more of an “Aliens”-style actioner. From what I’ve heard, the 2nd draft sounds far more horror-inspired and interesting, but I’ve never actually seen it.

  • RLMkeepitup

    guess that makes sense since they had to get those canisters before leaving it would suggest the shuttle wasn’t for quick escape

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    ISIS nothing wrong with that.

  • Palpatine

    I like how the first draft had a sort of Cold War analogy to it. The only downside is that Ripley’s in a coma for most of the script. But hey, at least Hicks and Newt live.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You beheaded to the theater, then?
    Too soon?

  • RLMkeepitup

    is that the one with the planet made of wood and religious stuff going on? I heard about that on some dvd commentary.

  • NotRickBerman

    A real Happy Meal, or the type of meal that only provides Jay happiness by celebrating human misery in all its forms?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ve seen Happy Meals. I’ve fed them to children. I’m ashamed.

    #Misnamed

  • Mark Bisone

    Exactly. The crew of the Nostromo is essentially a skeleton crew, only there as a failsafe to handle emergencies, manage the company’s interests, provide MU-TH-UR with useful input when necessary and make sure everything goes smoothly. In that universe, they aren’t expecting laser battles with Klingons or what-have-you.

  • Uncle Dan

    Androids in the Alien universe never seemed to be combat-worthy. By the time of Aliens where they’re even considered normal, they seem to be nothing more than technicians.

    But maybe post-Resurrection? I think they mentioned something about being deactivated for being dangerous or whatever.

  • Mark Bisone

    No. I think that was the Eric Red script(?)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Racist sexist racist analphabetist!

    [It’s a real word. I looked it up. Well, real-ish. I added the “-ist”.]

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Too late.

  • Mark Bisone

    The second draft has all that stuff too, but from what I’ve heard it’s far more stripped down and claustrophobic. Fewer people, only a couple of monsters and an expanded threat. It sounded neat, and kinda solved the problem (in my opinion) of centralizing the story on Ripley.

  • Mark Bisone

    They actually scrapped a bunch of extra dialogue from Ash’s talking head scene, where he was basically begging them to fix him so he could kill the Alien for them, telling them he was designed to “protect humans”. That was problematic in a lot of ways. For one thing, it was ludicrous given he’d already shown he was willing to sacrifice them all (something his crewmates point out in the conversation). It was also ridiculous given that the three people he was selling his murder skills to had just busted his damn head off. Ash appeared to be somewhat stronger than he looked, ergo Parker’s look of surprise as Ash slowly overcame him. But you never got the sense that he was some unstoppable Terminator type, capable of taking on an 8-foot space monster.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hersh. be quiet.

  • Jaws 11 – Jaws Strikes Back

    2010 did that cold war space thing not the worst movie if you can ever get over it

  • its called bleach

    i hate that they hire all the best engineers to maintain their perfect holographic projectors and my computer explodes when i send an email

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Wait – are you saying the gub’ment is… cold blooded?

  • Now I Get It

    Whoa, line drawn. Again.

    Pa Kent: 2
    NIGI: 0

  • Now I Get It

    I’m on my honour not to mock the Irish, but yeah.

  • Palpatine

    Rocky IV also had a very subtle Cold War analogy. You have to watch it more than once to see it.

  • its called bleach

    *tips capitalism*

  • With all due respect for Michael Biehn… Hicks was probably the most boring out of all of the marines. I don’t get the love people have for that character.

  • Not only does this induce cringes but also seizures. Thanks, Palpy.

  • Palpatine

    I causes snakes and bugs to come out of your head if your wearing a Silver Shamrock mask.

  • Palpatine

    We all know Bill Paxton as Hudson is the best.

  • Well, I kind of liked Hudson as the comic relief but even Bishop felt more interesting than Hicks and he disappears for about half of the movie.

  • dejectedchuckle

    Well now I know to be weary of any BOTW that begins with Jay in a plastic rain coat.

  • omitted

    He neglected to mention the amount of funerals.

  • omitted

    Get your head out of Disqustapo’s [redacted], for Rich’s sake man!

  • dejectedchuckle

    The way this is phrased is literal art.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I am doing some education/work stuff plus some fucking bureaucratic bullshit, nothing to do with E. (I will not call her Disqustapo). I am also working on my own thing (I am, really, but that one was for you, Omi).

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Horror question. If we leave out John Carpenter, what is the best Lovecraftian movie stuff you know and like?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Is everyone in green and getting smashed in the Americania?

  • omitted

    Sometimes you just need to take things into your own hands and go do your thing, bruh.

    You know that Disqustapo is a term of endearment at this point, at least for me? If you find it offensive in any way for real, just say the word and I’ll immediately stop using it.

  • omitted

    ‘Murica!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Of course not, I just don’t want her to kill me as well, when she reads all of this and breaks up with me.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I have that Rammstein song stuck in my head now.

  • Bubs

    Yeah, let’s get dressed up like broccoli and celebrate alcoholism!

  • omitted

    You just need a way to keep us your dirty little secret.

  • omitted

    I have something I rammed up my [redacted] stuck there now.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    We do that here 24/7, we just choose to dress nicely while doing it.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Oh you little cock[redacted]

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    A severe solar storms out there. Somebody warn Julia Roberts!

  • omitted

    Did the ethnic guy die yet? Because that’s when you know shit has hit the fan!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    When you hear no more of a funny accent, you are truly fucked. I reckon we are both the funny accents (I like to think I don’t have much of one, but that’s a dirty lie to myself) in that scenario. Wanna “die” together?

  • omitted

    D: What are you doing, honey?
    T: No… nothing…
    D: Are you watching porn?!
    T: Definitely not.
    D: No, it’s far worse! You’re flirting with that crazy gay guy again, aren’t you?!

  • omitted

    Hold me tight!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Well, smoking green. I’m saving the smashing for “Leprechaun 4: In Space”.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Ahh, why not In Da Hood? 4 is just mostly nonmedy

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I haven’t seen that or 4, the latter of which is streaming on youtube at 7:30PM EST, but will try to, um, find it and see where it takes me.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I saw 1 & 2 in college, time & gold well spent.

  • Mr_Wint

    Stuard Gordon’s Robot Jox, Mr. Tapeworm.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Well, Mr. Wint, that happens to be the favourite movie of my childhood. Brojob?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Funny thing is I was going to say , “Dolls”.

  • Mr_Wint

    RobJob, Mr Tapeworm. All seriousness though, Reanimator I guess. Despite all the shit_slub at Mr. Stuart.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I always forget about Reanimator, gotta rewatch that soon.

  • omitted

    I see someone trying to challenge my position as the thread’s biggest slut.

  • Mr_Wint

    Wellllll, Mr.______, nothing new under the Sun.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Who?!

  • Mr_Wint

    Don’t know why a BIG studio hasn’t picked up LoveCraft to adapt.

  • omitted

    Don’t play coy with me, mistah!

  • Mr_Wint

    Oh wait, (sorry to refer to your limitation, but), Prometheus.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    There were lots of rumours about Del Toro making At the Mountains of Madness, but he went the Jox way. Plus, when The Thing exists, we don’t need another one.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Doctor? Dr. Worm? Like, the song?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Yeah, that does fit the criteria, sorta, but boy do I hate that movie. Especially because it’s basically anti-science Sci-Fi.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    (sucks on a thumb, looking down)

  • Mr_Wint

    One step off of Reality, own laws/ownrules. I don’t really HATE it, Mr. Tapeworm.

  • omitted

    That ain’t no thumb…

  • Mr_Wint

    I would like to see Del Toro do stopmotion in a Lovecraft story. I can’t believe that the monster from HellBoy is stopmotion.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I do, because squandered opportunity is way worse to me than just a piece of shit.

  • Mr_Wint

    Is that any good?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Btw, do you know this one, the silent movie they made out of Call of Cthulhu. Pretty cool. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D2WG0C5fvc

  • Mr_Wint

    I understand Mr. Tapeworm. Think of it, (sorta Kubrick like Ridley Scot is), he makes studio money_foder and then goes on to make basically ANYTHING he wants. If I had a big budget, like BIG, I wouldn’t remake Alien.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I wish it was Soderbergh kinda move, where he then went onto a smaller personal projects. Exodus wasn’t that, exactly.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It dances a fine line between genuine 70’s horror and borderline 80s comedy. If ‘Childs Play’ had been a Hammer production, this would be it.

  • Mr_Wint

    Oh geez, Mr. Tapeworm. I know, so hit or miss. How does he go from the Informant (which I love), to Contagion? (I don’t mind Contagion, just a remake of Outbreak, I think)

  • Mr_Wint

    I have not seen that. Maybe tonight after ‘play’ I’ll watch it.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I have an odd sense of pride for being able to come here and completely wreck all the very interesting topical discussions.

  • Mr_Wint

    Like ‘Braindead’, Mr. Thon?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I dunno, I liked Contagion for being very procedural and clinical, Outbreak got quite ridiculous at times.

  • Mr_Wint

    Yeah, I agree, I do like how everything follows a structure that would exist in that situation. It’s sort of morbid, I like that.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Wait, you’re GAY? That totally changes my plans to suck you off. Now it’d be gross.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    After you fight The Shoggoth? After you flood R’lyeh and put Cthulhu to sleep?

  • Mr_Wint

    *ahhhh*, back to RottenTomatoes, Mr. Tapeworm.

  • omitted

    Yeah, those filthy homosexuals! Fuck them!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    A bit like ‘Dead Alive’ but without a clear line between horror & comedy. And its Ms. Thon…or Ms. Jackson, if you’re nasty.

  • Mr_Wint

    *Scan frantically through the Necronomicon to find a response* YES, Mr. Tapeworm.

  • Mr_Wint

    St. Patty’s day THIS side of the Atlantic, Mr. Tapeworm. Lots to do.

  • LukasTheTapeworm
  • omitted

    We are quite a pair, aren’t we?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    We should make dirty confessions

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    He is. We all are!

  • omitted

    *confetti

  • Mr_Wint

    Oooooohh, Ms. I will bear that in mind after your COMPLETE transition/mediascam_vitaliagodrama.

  • omitted

    *thong

  • omitted

    Sigh. I think I may have a type…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kj-b7Hjy-T8

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    . . . Nerds?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Are you positive?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Nerds R Us

  • omitted

    No, I don’t have a house in Virginia.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    What does a subatomic duck say?

    Quark!

    – If you don’t understand that, then you’re not part of the club.

  • omitted

    Because of that Ferengi character, right?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Btw, do you know that both Einstein’s wives were fucking genius?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    /monotone Plinkett laugh.

  • omitted

    Einstein was a polygamist?! OH MY GAAAAAWD!!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Does he have a house in Virginia?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    People who’ve been to LA?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    So, Adam Sandler? Although, I guess his looks are OK.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Meh. He wouldn’t stand a chance at the Manhole.

  • omitted

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I just commented elsewhere, suggesting in jest, that an imaginatory preteen might have to be disabled for entertainment. I think I should not venture to other webzones.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Seriously? I might be gayer than you then.

  • omitted

    Hush now, you’re safe here.

  • omitted

    I even just now tried looking at pics of him when he was younger. No, just no. You can have him all to yourself, Tapey.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    FINE. But I am taking Quinns from SUSD as well.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Is that sock account called LukasTheCestoda?

    Taenia Tricycle?
    WormieTrike?

  • omitted

    Hey, that offer was never on the table! I might consider letting you have Matt, but Quinns… NEVER!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Sadly, I use the same handle everywhere. I just don’t know people well at io9. Hold me, guys!

  • omitted

    I apologize for the boner in advance.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Serious (not really) talk. Please tell me that you have listened to Regular Features as I told you. Lees is part of that and so is Steve Hogarty https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1520699808/16969_295786569338_504369338_3200925_5347851_n.jpg He’s gaaaaaay….

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Alien’s good, innit?

  • omitted
  • omitted

    *Jaylien

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Two gay guys, two straight guys, all fun. Seriously it is like the funniest podcast I know. If you don’t plan to procreate, procrastinate!

  • omitted

    Sounds kinky! Thanks for the heads up!

  • omitted

    This maybe going too far on all the places of the space-time continuum:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pivLTWIJ7xo

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Ahahaha. I love that kind of wacky humour. I wonder what their wives were thinking.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Micky Maus…

  • omitted

    Oh, my sweet innocent Tapey. Please never change!

  • omitted

    No witty cumback, Tapey? I had this whole thing about a facehuggerfucker planned…

  • Got anything related to chestbursters?

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I am out of witty, totally defenseless. Be gentle, try not to Ripley.

  • Red Skeleton

    Is “Ley” the name of your anus by any chance?

  • Mark Bisone

    I get the feeling omit’s more of an ass-man.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    That shithole?

  • True but the burst part is an ejaculation joke waiting to happen.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Tapey mostly cums at night. Mostly.

  • Mark Bisone

    Maybe… Hey remember that movie, Dreamcatcher? Does the little monster in that qualify as an assburster? And if so, what does that mean for Jason Lee’s career?

  • omitted

    I’ll show you Ellen of a good time!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    It means Kasdan can truly write a colossal shit script.

  • Mark Bisone

    It was like watching Van Gogh draw a stick figure pony on his math book cover.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Or cutting off his nose.

  • Mark Bisone

    To spite his assburster.

  • An assburster sounds like a description for a heavy case of diarrhoea.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *Depends on what timezone you’re in.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    The bonezone, obviously.

  • Mark Bisone

    Either that or a really scary nautilus machine at the gym.

  • omitted

    For me it’s always Jay o’cock.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Why not both?

  • Mark Bisone

    Just be sure to wipe the seat down with a towel after you’re done.

  • Crixxxx

    So, Adam Sandler has a new movie coming out where he plays a shoe repairman. Looks like another winner.

  • RLMkeepitup

    In the tremors franchise I think assblaster is a life stage.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Much worse is the fact that the director made three great little movies before that.

  • omitted

    Shut up, Adam handler!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “What happens at Jay o’clock?”

    http://oi39.tinypic.com/wgz1oz.jpg

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Not with him. Station Agent with Dinklage, The Visitor with Richard Jenkins (I cried a little) and Win Win with Paul Giamatti.

  • Jaws 11 – Jaws Strikes Back

    green blooded

  • Palpatine

    Is Sandler trying to be the next Robin Williams by doing dramatic stuff to balance out his comedic stuff?

  • Jaws 11 – Jaws Strikes Back

    actually great movie, and as you say, subtle

  • omitted

    Maybe he should skip to the suicide part.
    Too soon?

  • Palpatine

    Oh Omitted, you always know what to say.

  • Jaws 11 – Jaws Strikes Back

    the cobbler which is an amalgamation of c0ck and gobbler

  • LukasTheTapeworm
  • I died.

  • omitted

    Ask Andrew what to do, he has experience with this shit.

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    Still, cockgobbler by itself is a fine word as well. Be careful with such motherfuckery.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Find your own catfish to name!

  • LukasTheTapeworm

    I might. I just might.

  • omitted

    *catfight

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I have decided that if I were ever to find a new color, or maybe just some unique shade of orange, I’d call it “lerange”. Or “leranssi” for us omittees.

  • Omitted would probably call it Jayrange.

  • DarkFluffy

    Only know the best Lovecraftian game! “Eternal Darkness-Sanity’s Requiem”. For some videogame magazins even the best Horrorgame up to date. Hey, wait. Whats about “Army of Darkness”? Even it is trash I think there is some “lovecraft” going on in that movie…

  • omitted

    *reps*

  • RLMkeepitup

    how he makes so much money so incompetently is kind of disturbing

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I think it’s too late – the movies he’s made cannot be un-done, at least by mortal means.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    But we can diminish the effects of them?

  • Cream-A-Thon
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    This one’s directed by Thomas McCarthy, who did the GREAT film THE VISITOR. Also, WIN WIN and THE STATION AGENT. But according to critic’s it STILL sucks! Sandler’s awfulness can be contained only by Paul Thomas Anderson, it seems.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Who would win in a fight; Zaat or the Creature from the black lagoon?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oops. I didn’t realize you already said these says.

    So I repeated them above.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    That would require airing Bill Bailey specials 24/7 for at least a solid month and with the population in a straitjacket for the duration.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Superman.

  • omitted

    *Sperman

  • omitted

    Oh that funny grumPa!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Grr.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    The Creature, for having 2 movies (reboot time?) versus Zaats one. Creach also got to second base with a human female in ‘Revenge of the Creature’ while Zaat was shot down all week.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Listening to the commentary now and I think RLM should watch Death Ship.

  • its called bleach

    are you talking about the twilight zone episode? its kind of lame because they had to stretch it out for an hour but the original story is really tight and one of my favourites

  • omitted

    “really tight and one of my favourites”
    That’s what he said.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    No, I’m talking about the 1980 horror film. It’s weird as fuck. Kind of boring, but totally worth it for that one amazing sequence. If you’ve seen it, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

  • Turns out drinking ridiculous amounts of balsamic vodka preserved my insides and somehow prevented me from fully dying. Success?

  • omitted

    Yikes!

  • media.giphy.com/media/DswIGscWQQcqA/giphy.gif

  • Cream-A-Thon

    The literal Beetle Juice.

  • hybridm0ments

    SOTL is a great film. Perfectly filmed and adapted. That said, I still think Hannibal is more about what reading a book gives you. And it’s the closest in tone to the new TV series – which is amazing btw.

  • *vagoon

  • Uncle Dan

    Just while we’re on the topic, Sir Terry dying is the saddest thing I’ve heard for a while. I was sad when Leonard Nimoy died, and recognised how sad Robin Williams’ death was, but Pratchett hit me really personally. Even though we were all generally expecting it it didn’t really make it any easier.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Pixels? More nonmedy from Sandler.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAHprLW48no

  • omitted

    *Pig-sells

  • OH MY GOD. MALL PLARP IS IN THIS?!

  • Palpatine

    That was an awesome fake trailer!

  • I can’t believe they got the creator of Pac-Man for this spoof!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Here’s the short they were ‘inspired’ by.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugV6cLgwomo

  • Palpatine

    It’s sad that the two minute long film is better than the 90 minute one.

  • WrongWithY