Mr. Plinkett Review: Titanic

December 9, 2012929 Comments


Part 1:

Part 2:

Linda Hamilton photo credit to: Luigi Novi


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Filed in: General UpdatesPlinkett Reviews

  • part time

    part time

  • StrangerDanger

    YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARDS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mike.walker.165 Mike Walker

    THANK YOU!!!!

  • max

    awesome

  • Mark Bisone

    Music to drown by… thank you.

  • Da Boss

    Screw porn! I’m watching this!

    • http://twitter.com/crey_zee Crey Zee

      this is pron

    • zzzz

      I watched porn before it, you dont want to give them the easy one.

  • morris

    AHHHHHHHH

  • Robby

    I put the diamond in the coat…

    I PUT THE COAT ON HER!

  • Daggoth

    Let the games…. BEGIN!!

  • bulbasaurrr

    oh god i’m so happY I’M SO HAPPY

  • SomeoneElseTookDude

    and my plinkett will go on ;_;

    • hard

      My hard on will go plinkett

  • Jimmy

    Thank you based Jay&Mike!

  • Cornholio

    HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG

    • joo

      yes he did, his ovens missed your family.

  • Ogreeley

    I’m the king of the world……Part time

    • Poppasketti

      Why did you say it so weird?

      • Malchik

        I don’t either. We have one-hundred and fifty-two better takes.

      • K1NG_IC3

        Why did you read it in that voice?!

        • http://www.facebook.com/OpenMawProductions Steven Johnson

          What’s wrong with your faace?

    • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

      So what did you full time?

      • Karen Allen

        Worked in a toll booth

        • Adam Vaga

          Unfortunately Indiana Jones and the Toll Booth of Secrets never got greenlit for some reason

          • http://twitter.com/zootsutra zoot sutra

            They’re busy acquiring the rights to Lucas’s other properties so they can do a crossover called Star Wars: The Phantom Tollbooth. Han Solo and Indiana joining forces through the magic of CGI and stunt doubles in mocap suits!

    • Leo Ladenson

      Was that in the intro after the stream-a-thon? I must have missed that.

      I’m so confused.

  • Guest

    MY GOD!

  • Mark Bisone

    Spoilers: that blond bitch drowns.

  • Admiral Bone to Pick

    When’s the next Plinkett review? ;)

    • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

      May 19, 1999

      • pinjiaoji7

        Well, join me in some SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOT,SHOT,SHOTS! gentlemen?

    • Ken

      This is like the new first.

    • Murderin Murphy

      As soon as he can separate his cat from his fleshlight.

      • Pixelatedgam3r

        Or you could say, when he separates his pussies

    • idkjohn i guess

      Where the fuck is Space Cop you hacks.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dane-Corle/1556299225 Dane Corle

        Why did I read this in Plinkett’s voice…?

    • http://twitter.com/IcelandicHossi Hossi Blumengaarten

      in like A FREAKING YEAR!!!

    • Manuel

      May I suggest that Mr. Plinkett has to review Batman & Robin (1997), a film beloved by fans all over the world?

  • Anon

    First for /tv/

  • http://www.facebook.com/aker.music Andrew Meta

    Holy shit….

  • http://www.facebook.com/aker.music Andrew Meta

    WHAT SORCERY IS THIS!?

  • Murphy

    The eagle has landed

  • http://profiles.google.com/charlesp2009 Charles Petrosky

    Back in ’97 most of the guys in my class saw this movie 3 or 4 times for one reason and one reason only…

    • Stuff

      Well, technically two reasons, know what I’m saying?

      • http://profiles.google.com/charlesp2009 Charles Petrosky

        You know it!

  • panman92

    You sneaky fucks you made me listen to all of Celine Dion for no goddam reason

    • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

      But it’s stylistically designed to be that way and you can’t undo that, but you can diminish the effects of it.

      • ZMAN1119

        very bold

  • http://twitter.com/baronolamiller Lee Miller

    YES

  • http://www.facebook.com/rorudo Rudy Barrett

    I have waited a lifetime for this. Thanks RLM!

  • http://twitter.com/SeanNott Sean

    Oh, can’t wait to watch it. Even though I typed this.

  • Fletch

    Holy fuck yes

  • CelticPredator

    Maybe I’m first. But I don’t care to be. :(

  • aswift5648

    Hahah, the Live Stream lead in was fantastic! Hilarious!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joel.l.daly Joel Leam Daly

    Oh hell yes RedLetterMedia Time again time again :)

  • Dubs

    SDFGJSDGDUHSUDRHGDUHGURSAHGJDHEWHRSDJHGLASRHG!~!!~!!!!

  • Chester Apricot

    Thank the lord! And by lord I mean RLM. Seriously you guys are great

  • fisticuz

    first

  • Leo Ladenson

    I wish I had a Hattori Hanzo sword because I should kill myself. I thought for sure we were going to see Plinkett go medieval on Kill Bill’s ass.

    • Robby

      Why would Plinkett review one or both of the excellent Kill Bill films?

      • Kill Bill Fucking Blows

        Because Kill Bill is an overrated piece of shit and people who like it should have their faces rubbed in this fact?

        • Robby

          When I think of overrated movies, Kill Bill 1 & 2 wouldn’t even be in one of my top thousand lists. I don’t ever hear pretentious douchebags talk about how amazing it is, or whatever it is you think makes it overrated.

        • Jay

          I don’t get the seething hatred for Kill Bill. They’re considered great movies by most critics but they weren’t massive blockbusters and they didn’t win or even get nominated for any Oscars.

      • Leo Ladenson

        A guy named Julius Caesar Salad once said, “De gustibus non est disputandum.” Which just means, there’s no accounting for taste. So keep your taste out of my mouth. I’m trying to eat my cat and I don’t want to taste your taste.

        • Christopher Kulik

          I thought Caesar was a Salad Dressing Dude. No accounting for taste indeed!

    • Bob Sacamano

      I saw a review by Confused Matthew that reveals some problems with Kill Bill. For example the O-Ren character (Lucy Liu) character is over developed compared to her importance to both the main character and the overall plot, whereas the first film should have explored the Bride’s relationship to O-Ren to make give the fight scenes more consequential and justify her importance to the first film, or omitted most of the O-Ren development, keep it at one film, and really explore the backstory relationship between the Bride and Bill so I would give more of a damn.

      Why does the Bride bring a gun to kill Bill in the end, and not to kill his brother before, when she could have sniped him from the mountain top and gotten Elle Driver as a bonus? Those kind of things make me check my watch when I am in the theater, because I know that the reason is not because of some logical importance to use a sword, but because Quentin wants to choreograph some swordplay. If there is one thing Plinkett has taught us is that when characters do stupid things in service of the script, it sends a signal to our brain to not care about the characters, because we subconsciously know something is fishy.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004710124099 Sancho Panza

        Kill Bill is not for everyone and some of the things people don’t like about it may be justified, but, in my opinion, it in no way deserves the Plinkett treatment. And if you think it does deserve to be picked apart in one of these reviews you may have an irrational bias against the movie.

        Seriously you can’t think of at least a hundred movies more deserving than KIll Bill?

        • Bob Sacamano

          You’re right. I agree with that. Kill Bill has problems. But, there are far worse films. I’d like to see a review of the Matrix sequels, Independence Day, Transformers, The Last Airbender, and the list goes on and on…

          I think the Matrix sequels should be tops on the list because they were suppose to save us from the dreck of the Star Wars prequels, but they failed just as miserably.

        • Bassbait

          No offense, but the only films I think are more deserving than Kill Bill are other Tarantino films. I think Tarantino completely butchers the original heart of the films he is tributing. He is in many senses the modern day George Lucas. He tries to, but lacks the intellect of Kubrick. He tries to, but lacks the unadulterated “coolness” of Scorsese. He tries to, but lacks the true love and understanding of cinema that George Lucas ONCE had. And now Lucas and Tarantino have both been reduced to fan-service that fails. And Kill Bill is a fan-service that, to me, fails. It’s the “Prequels” of Tarantino’s career. So I see it as a prime Plinkett review potential choice.

  • Giblets

    Like Avatar, Avatar 2, Avatar 3, Avatar 4, … and Kevin Bacon.

  • dicks

    When is the next Plinkett review you hacks

  • Foodperson

    Oh, and SINATRA YOU FUCK!

  • Jollymon

    Aaaaaand I just jizzed a little in my pants. Will watch these when the Packer game is done.

  • Adun

    Awwwh yeah!

  • SwiftRage

    When’s Marvel?

  • Foodperson

    TAFT, YOU FUCK…wait a minute…that’s TEDDY ROOSEVELT! TEDDY, YOU FUCK!

  • Fan

    HURRY UP AND RELEASE THE NEXT PLINKETT REVIEW

  • http://www.facebook.com/robynavich Robyn Boynton Muth

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww shit!

  • Captain I’m a Bad Guy

    What’s wrong with your shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip?

    • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

      Kate Winslet’s they key to all this.

      • http://www.facebook.com/evan.ortiz.75 Evan Ortiz

        Hopefully it’ll work.

        • http://twitter.com/spiraltri3e Dean Kerrigan

          it’ll be great.

          • Guest

            That’ll be great.

          • robert

            its gonna be great

        • Admiral_Softy

          It’s like poetry.

          • Rick Rickerson

            Fuck you, Rick Berman!

          • dongaroo

            what is it with RICKS

      • Robert

        She kinda is. The lookouts were distracted by her making out with Jack. They could have warned the crew a few seconds earlier of the iceberg and possibly have saved the Titanic…You fuck that room up Kate!

    • Adam Vaga

      Fleshlight got stuck in the engine, Plinkett fucked the engine anyway

  • Rick Rickerson

    Well, I came

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasonocarpenter Jason Carpenter

    What’s the point of listing off things and saying “We’ll get to that later.” You do that twice in the first 20 minutes. And I’m sure you did get to it later but I shut it off after the Taft “joke.” I hope your next review is better than this one.

  • Mendoza

    GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY ASS WALLET

    • kjv7782

      Fingers is funnier

      • Bassbait

        Yes, but “GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY ASS FINGERS” doesn’t make any sense.

        • kjv7782

          Douché

  • Foodperson

    Oh wow, I didn’t get the sexual inuendo before!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Goles/639007463 Matt Goles

    please tell me that call was real

    • regulus

      It has to be. None of RLM’s actors are that good.

      • Derick

        Red Letter Media actors can only do two things well, act awkwardly and act retarded

        • emanuel reuter

          fuck rich evans

  • umm

    Mike Stoklasa is a wonderful human specimen

  • iZoe

    Oh Cripes! TITANIC!!! (to the tune of that awful song). This is movie that caused me to lose all respect for The Oscars.

  • http://www.facebook.com/MaaShinn Matthew Shannon

    your subtle nudges at lucas are perfect

    • Whore-hay Lucas

      Real sets with no directing chair? What are those?

      • http://www.facebook.com/MaaShinn Matthew Shannon

        its an abstract communist idea that wont catch on, no need to worry my silver haired friend

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

          Ah those Bolshevist Jews!

  • SomeoneElseTookDude

    mr. plinkett excites my squshbox

  • That guy

    I’ll take the hint – Star Trek V is next up

    • http://profiles.google.com/charlesp2009 Charles Petrosky

      Nah, he’s just screwing with us. He’s gonna review some terrible crap again like Cop Dog first. But a Star Trek V Plinkett review would be great!

  • http://www.facebook.com/MaaShinn Matthew Shannon

    god damn bell curves fuck bell curves

  • Gerald

    Titanic is a terrible movie! Awesome choice!

  • hmjd

    Cliff Huxtable had no flaws either.

  • Lulu

    Tanya Song

    • JoeJoe

      or Anna Song – different name, same tits

  • petejohnwilson

    Was kinda wondering where this was going for the first three quarters and then it got really depressing. Ugh…

  • Guest

    Ending is fucking amazing.

  • Greg

    Hugo was pretty forgettable, I have to say.

    • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

      Did you even see it?

      • Guest

        he can’t remember.

        ba dum tss!

      • http://www.facebook.com/thom.stone.50 Thom Stone

        he can’t remember!

        *ba dum tss*

    • hugeo

      The stuff around the history of the first movies, yes.

  • Robby

    Holy shit the fleshlight bit had me in tears.

    • Andy S

      It was funny because Plinkett mistook a fleshlight for a flashlight.

      • shogunmaster

        Oh, I get it now… Thanks!

        • Andy S

          I’m happy to be of assistance.

    • Mr.X

      Simple but very effective.A sign of comedy genius.

  • http://www.facebook.com/evan.crum.5 Evan Crum

    Star Trek 5 soon???? can’t wait!!! Good job as always love the Plinkett reviews!

    • Christopher Kulik

      Can’t wait to hear Plinkett sing “Row Row Row Your Boat.”

  • JT

    The stream was a blast and this was the perfect icing to the night. Thanks guys.

  • Foodperson

    Brilliant review as always! Don’t stop making reviews!!!

  • Ym

    I want to see Jay’s “Horse Vomit” again.

  • Lockstepped

    This is definitely my favorite review yet. I love the reviews of both good movies and bad ones, and with this we get both. You obviously put a lot of thought and research into these reviews and it shows. Thanks!

  • Bob Sacamano

    So Titanic is a line for line rip-off with really good CGI. Got it, thanks.

  • Stuff

    “If cancer were pretentious, it would be Garden State.” Bravo!

    But speaking of one dimensional characters, you liked Hugo? What did you run out of your brain medicine?
    When’s the next Plinkett review?

    • JoeJoe

      Hugo’s official title was “Let’s Watch Children Cry”. In case you missed it, that’s all that happened in that movie. The real life story of “A Trip to the Moon” and that shitbag Thomas Edison is way better.

      Garden State isn’t pretentious, it’s fucking self indulgent. That movie was one big excuse to stream together monologues. Same setup every time – camera stops, actor slows down, a very slow zoom and a vomitorium of terrible dialog to follow. That being said – it was one of the best chick-movies I’ve seen.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Spike.Ghost Jean-François Martel

    i missed Plinkett’s murderous antics.

  • Zero7teen

    Eraserhead, There Will Be Blood and Brazil as examples of exceptionalism movies, fuck yeah.

    • JoeJoe

      Eraserhead has no story – it’s just Lynch proving that he can create tone from nothing (which he excels at). We get it, you love the “drone”, but that’s not story telling – that’s mood setting. Andrey Tarkovskiy does the same damn thing, but much more elegantly in Stalker.The Stalker story is also a self-referencing macrocosm portrayed in two separate universes, but yeah “worm baby” and “kid-n-play” hair is exceptionalism. Elephant Man is a much better representative Lynch work, since it actually labors to tell a story.

      There Will Be Blood was so overrated. If it wasn’t for the juxtaposition of ill-fitting music as the score, it wouldn’t even fit as an “art house” movie. If you want to see a much better Daniel Day Lewis performance and a pull-no-punches movie, see My Left Foot instead.

      Brazil is just classic Terry Gilliam, it’s all about streaming together little skits and creating an odd world – story be damned. It’s just Monty Python with the jokes removed. If you watch most of his movies more than once, however, it all falls apart – like 12 Monkeys. “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” is probably his best work, since it actually has a meaningful story structure. The original silent movie, however, is much more inventive.

      • Sinatra’s Cock

        I disagree.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

        Your opinion sucks. Brazil and Eraserheads are masterpieces, no matter what silly or pointless way you try to quantify them, it’s irrelevant. Both tell great stories, if they’re too abstract or unorthodox for you, you suck, not them,

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

        And 12 Monkeys falls apart after multiple viewings? Are you retarded? And wait, you said Elephant Man is more representative of Lynch’s work than Eraserhead? A studio commission that is the LEAST like everything else he ever did? You really need to watch some movies before trying to analyse or criticize a director’s work, especially one of the magnitude of Lynch or Gilliam.

        • DingoBaby

          Sure thing, captain Film Studies!

          • Only

            I’m confused … you are acting like that would be horrible. I, on the other hand, would love to spend my days ranting about movies I saw, then spend my nights in bed with red-head college girls. But I guess that is just me.

          • DingoBaby

            SHE HAS AIDS

          • Nam

            MAYBE SHE’LL ASK THEM TO JOIN IN

          • CB

            Wearing a rubber would be the smart and considerate thing to do even if she didn’t.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

            Yeah me too actually. I guess two things this man hates are pussy and a decent vocabulary.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

            He doesn’t hate pussy, he just loves fleshlight!

        • DingoBaby

          Maybe you can teach film to neckbeards at a community college! And use words like “Magnitude” to help sleep with a red-headed teen girl named Rachel who’s just there for her art credit! She’ll love your neckbeard pendanticisims.

          • Mike

            Actually, I teach film studies at a community college. What I like teaching my neckbeards is that the moronic shouting you find in online forums discussing films is mainly composed of a bunch of wanna-be film critics who have little to no real training or ability in terms of critical writing or analysis. However, they do have the internet, which allows them to spew their opinions all over the screen with no checks or balances on what they write, no editorial interference, no need to fact check, etc. This, in turn, convinces them they can compete with professionals in film criticism who write for the legitimate media. They’re wrong, of course, but boy, seeing those words show up on the screen and getting to argue in increasingly juvenile and shrill tones with those who disagree sure does make ‘em feel good about themselves.

          • JoeJoe

            “The Argument from Authority” is my favorite, but I’ll give you some leave-way because who would claim community college as an authority if they weren’t actually such.

            There is no such thing as training to be a critic. By it’s own definition it is an “anyone” qualification. According to your “tenet”, Anthony Bourdain could never be a food critic because he was just a cook in a restaurant and has no official training in writing. His only literary training was sending e-mails to a friend that happened to be in the media business. See what I did there, he turned his Internet writing (capital I) into a best selling book and several columns.

            As a side note, “juvenile” is a smart choice – it sells. Kevin Smith made a 20 year career out of dick and fart jokes. Tis not bad for someone that dropped out of film school almost immediately. I guess training doesn’t really account for shit – since it’s never a substitute for talent. This, however, is suicide for someone who’s career is based on making money on people that haven’t figured this simple life-lesson out. Parasitics tend to have a much more cynical view.

        • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

          The Straight Story is another “studio” film from Lynch and it is one of his best.

        • JoeJoe

          Ereaserhead is about Lynch’s fear of being having a child – in his own fucking words. Talk about fucking ill-informed.

          The Straight Story is the LEAST like everything else he ever did.

          Hint: look up the word pretentious and reread your ironic post. Also, look up ironic because I’m sure you’re not clear on that word either.

          Bureaucracy is a _theme_ in Brazil, not the plot. God you’re stupid. Go read Roger Ebert’s review of the movie – even a professional doesn’t really know the actual plot of the movie.

          I love it when idiots make themselves look even worse.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

            Ha! Roger Ebert is a fat fucking capitalist asshole!

          • Brian

            I think the point is when you argue your subjective points no cares because you’re an asshole about it.

            And the plot of Brazil…there is very clearly a plot involving a man named Tuttle or Buttle…ah I’m sure it doesn’t make a difference.

      • CB

        That’s hilarious, because Baron Munchhausen is actually a much better example of the ‘streaming together little skits and creating an odd world’ without a real story structure. Especially since that turns out to be literally what it is. Was that on purpose? Anyway, the idea that Twelve Monkeys and Brazil don’t have meaningful story structures, but Baron does, is outright laughable. All these movies are non-traditional story telling in some ways, but not so much that even a simpleton could be excused for not thinking they have any story.

        • JoeJoe

          My statement was that 12 Monkeys doesn’t hold up to multiple viewings. You assumed something else, probably because of the location between two other ideas. I’d usually ridicule your lack of reading comprehension, but my paragraph’s structure in that post doesn’t hold up to multiple readings. It’s misleading, and I apologize. But, seriously, go watch 12 Monkeys today and tell me which parts of that “love” story doesn’t make you cringe. If it wasn’t for the Gilliamisms in that movie, it would be terribly cheezy.

          Munchausen is structured in story just like any fair tale – with one exception. It adds the story-within-a-story structure on top of that. Jan Svankmajer’s version of Faust uses the same mechanic, but I find it more successful as it keeps the narrative more clear. The opera Tales of Hoffmann is the oldest example I know about for this story structure, but I’m far from a literary expert. The more recent Studio Ghibli movies are even more random, since they lack a setup-payoff structure, but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone claim these modern Lewis Caroll style classics lack a “story”.

          But, hey, maybe I’m the one talking to a simpleton.

          • guest

            Not part of the original discussion, but I agree with you on the 12 Monkeys thing. Crazy movie, very interesting on the first or second viewing, but it’s not something one keeps on hand for a Thursday night.

            The Studio Ghibli movies… it’s hard to judge those by Western standards. You could say that of anime in general, though. Japanese stories are structured in completely different ways than European and American ones, and the characters aren’t always the kind of characters a Western audience necessarily “gets”. But they do have cohesive stories within their own cultural boundaries, which actually makes them more interesting, IMHO.

          • CB

            The statement that Munchhausen is his best work because it “actually has a meaningful story structure” implies that the others don’t, and you were clearly implying Brazil lacks this, which is idiotic. 12 Monkeys holds up very well to multiple viewings even though it isn’t actually a “love” story — one of the best moments in the film is when the cop asks why captives defend their captors, and the heroine, being a psychologist in addition to the victim in question, actually has an answer for him.

            Munchausen has a “story within a story”, but the “story within a story” is actually just a bunch of strewn-together skits with only tenuous connections between them, and the first-level “story” is minimal because everything most of the film is the story-within-the-story and not real. Sure this is still a “meaningful story structure”, but a much less traditional one than is in Brazil which is actually rather straightforward as far as story structure goes. Thus, not even a simpleton would claim it lacked such and use Munchausen as an example instead.

      • Bassbait

        JoeJoe – first you say “it’s just Lynch proving that he can create tone from nothing”, then you say “Ereaserhead is about Lynch’s fear of being having a child”

        Hmm… so what is it? A film that “has no story”, or a film that is about fear of having a child? Because being afraid of having a child, is, in fact, a story. He first tries to live the married life, then gives up and lets sexual desires take over, then his internal fear becomes so strong that he murders his own son. The ending of the film implies that Henry commits either a literal or a symbolic suicide in the act of killing his son. But that’s interpretive. We still see, through actions, the majority of the story being told. At what point does it have no story but also is about something? Think over that question while also pondering why Red Letter Media would feel inclined to label Eraserhead as a film for people with above average intelligence… a film that you clearly don’t like for some strange reason…

        • Robert Sanchez

          I’ve never gotten the David Lynch love, TBH. I’ve always thought he was kind of a hack, as unpopular as such an opinion may be amongst film snobs. I felt that Eraserhead was just petty and pretentious surrealism for its own sake. You could read almost anything into the imagery on display. I can still praise it for its sound design, however.

          Have you heard Lynch in interviews? He’s mentally unbalanced and believes in all sorts of new-agey bullshit. Which confirmed to me everything I had previously thought about his work.

      • Brian

        Brazil defeintly holds up after several viewings..I take strong offense to saying that Brazil is “all about streaming together little skits and creating an odd world”.

        There is a lot more going on in that movie than you have let on. Seriously.

      • Robert Sanchez

        I agree with you where Eraserhead is concerned.

        I’ve never gotten the David Lynch love, TBH. I’ve always thought he was kind of a hack, as unpopular as such an opinion may be amongst film snobs.

        Have you heard the man in interviews? He’s mentally unbalanced and believes in all sorts of new-agey bullshit.

    • JoeJoe

      Eraserhead has no story – it’s just Lynch proving that he can create tone from nothing (which he excels at). We get it, you love the “drone”, but that’s not story telling – that’s mood setting. Andrey Tarkovskiy does the same damn thing, but much more elegantly in Stalker.The Stalker story is also a self-referencing macrocosm portrayed in two separate universes, but yeah “worm baby” and “kid-n-play” hair is exceptionalism. Elephant Man is a much better representative Lynch work, since it actually labors to tell a story.

      There Will Be Blood was so overrated. If it wasn’t for the juxtaposition of ill-fitting music as the score, it wouldn’t even fit as an “art house” movie. If you want to see a much better Daniel Day Lewis performance and a pull-no-punches movie, see My Left Foot instead.

      Brazil is just classic Terry Gilliam, it’s all about streaming together little skits and creating an odd world – story be damned. It’s just Monty Python with the jokes removed. If you watch most of his movies more than once, however, it all falls apart – like 12 Monkeys. “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” is probably his best work, since it actually has a meaningful story structure. The original silent movie, however, is much more inventive.

      • Mr.X

        ..now where have I seen this comment before ? …

    • Chester Apricot

      No Country For Old Men is probably the best example

  • Tempest

    Titanic:….The Titanic.

  • Rich Evans Fan

    I’m a little surprised to see this movie here… but okay.

    Great rave/review.

    Can’t wait for the next one!

  • Stuff

    “If cancer were pretentious, it would be Garden State.” Gold!!!

    But speaking of one-dimensional characters, you liked Hugo? What did you forget to take your brain medicine?
    When’s the next Plinkett review?

    • Stuff

      Fuck me for double posting.

  • Mr. Totino

    Wait just a second. How can Plinkett have heard a talking pizza roll tell him to crash the Titanic when pizza rolls were invented by Jeno Paulucci in 1968!?

    WHAT A PLOT HOLE!

    • http://www.facebook.com/MaaShinn Matthew Shannon

      obviously plinkett didn’t recognize it as a pizza roll until they were invented. Or blame dementia

      • Benjamin Sisko

        I’m blaming Rick Berman. FUCK YOU RICK BERMAN!!!

        • Trayan Iliev

          He ruined this too?!

          • http://www.facebook.com/evan.ortiz.75 Evan Ortiz

            Wait, that ain’t Rick Berman.

          • 3link

            What is it with Ricks?

          • http://twitter.com/antipax0 josé leitão

            You know what they say, you can’t spell ‘pricks’ without ‘ricks’.

          • dickson

            it’s rick from the walking dead.

            fuck you rick

          • stupid girl

            Carl that is your mother

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

            Why are there so many Ricks?

        • http://www.facebook.com/MaaShinn Matthew Shannon

          RICK BERMAN YOU FUCK!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

      An ontological time paradox created by Bruce Willis when he accidentally brought a pizza roll to the Titanic.

      • Adam Vaga

        Does that mean we must erase Plinkett from time to fix it now? It worked on Fringe…kinda

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.mallon.37 Thomas Mallon

    I disagree with the statement that DiCaprio and Portman suck as actors. I honestly saw no problems with DiCaprio in The Departed, Shutter Island, and Inception. As for Portman… Black Swan. That is all.

    • DingoBaby

      So she acted once, in a role that was mostly just her being sweaty and looking confused and concerned? 99% of this hamburger is terrible, but this one bite was great! Therefore this hamburger must be great!

      • CB

        He gives one solid example that demonstrates his point. Therefore, you can assume every other possible example contradicts it. That’s logic! Derp!

        • Bassbait

          Oh man, all of these layers of sarcastic quips within sarcastic quips. It reminds me of that one over-hyped child-actor-who-can’t-act film where there’s layers upon layers upon layers of things.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=860130505 Jorge Román

      I love Red Letter Media but sometimes I feel they let the fame get over their heads and use their opinions as facts. They never said their opinion about them is true but be assured they know that legions of fans will agree and also apparently hate Leo and Natalie. I find it frankly surprising they can say Oscar winning actors are mediocre/downright bad.

      • http://twitter.com/orbsonb Ben Robson

        it’s a movie review…the entire point is to give an opinion. mike explained what he thought DiCaprio and Portman’s weaknesses were. you don’t have to agree with everything he says to appreciate the review

      • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

        Winning an Oscar doesn’t mean you are a great actor. Sometimes it’s luck of the role, a tight script, and good directing and editing. We all have different tastes. I have never found DiCaprio to be good in any role and find that his poor range and very presence drag down otherwise enjoyable films.

        • Mendoza

          Gangs of New York would have been 100% better with a different actor than DiCaprio

          • Brian

            Man I’ve wanted to like Gangs of New York but damn if I’ve never been able to enjoy it sigh..and I am a big Daniel Day Lewis fan.

  • L A Webley

    Fantastic as ever.

  • Blahr

    Wait did you just imply John Carter was bad? You must be nuts. The only thing bad about it was the marketing campaign.

    • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

      No, they where saying it was good, watch the review again! :/

      • http://www.facebook.com/keith11ballard Keith Ballard

        He showed John Carter on screen when saying that not all things that have a lot of work put into them turn out well. This implies that he didn’t like the John Carter movie.

        I didn’t either. It felt like a clumsy, rushed adaptation that was trying to cram as many events as possible into its running time as possible. It might work if you already know the story and just want to see things re-enacted, but as someone who was new to the material it just felt jumbled.

        • Leo

          Or he was saying that it didn’t turn out well because it was a flop…

          • CB

            There’s a Half in the Bag episode about John Carter. If you wanted to know whether that was more of a “failed at the box office” or “failed as a movie” statement. Just sayin.

          • Leo

            Yeah, I’ve seen it. In the Titanic review, he says that sometimes a lot of time can be spent on something and it ‘doesn’t work out’ (unless I remember it wrong). John Carter was a giant box office bomb so it didn’t work out. I’m just saying that it COULD mean that.

          • http://www.facebook.com/keith11ballard Keith Ballard

            When he talks about whether something is good or bad he is very rarely talking about the box office totals.

    • Why John Carter why

      But I saw that one last week. I was like: Wow, a movie looking that good really can’t be that bad.
      And it wasn’t, for about 20 – 30 minutes in.
      But then it felt rushed. So maybe put it in the half in the bag style:
      Why was John Carter so quick in accepting all this mars stuff?
      Was his super strenght and agility all because he comes from a planet with higher gravity?
      Why could he break through Shipwalls and chains, but was also chained up again and again seeming a little helpless?
      Is this big-headed dog like thing the only of its kind on the planet?
      Why did the women get this super-fast dog when she seemed to be on the lowest level of that society?
      Why was John Carter assuming that they were talking about their solar system when the names were like totally different?
      How could the 4-armed women curse in her own language when this language-water was already given to John Carter?
      Why did the queen find her wedding dress vulgar or sthg, when her actual battle armor was even more revealing?
      Why was the evil guy suddenly and absolutely not evil anymore in the middle of the film?
      And so on… I know, they do it better.

      • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

        John Carter of Mars succeeded as a film meant to be entertaining. Some of the casting was bad but the movie itself was fun. There isn’t a need to nitpick an old and silly sci fi adventure story.

      • guest

        Wonderful book, but very, very 1930s pulp, which had a completely different focus than today’s sci-fi and fantasy. I don’t think there’d be any way to film it without either betraying the sense of innocent adventure in the original story, or making it a boring piece of illogical shlock on the big screen. The style of the written storytelling almost precludes movie adaptation.

  • http://acestream.com/ ACEdotcom

    When’s the next plinkett review?

  • Kate

    So just how big are you? I like girls with a lot of meat on their bones…lol?

  • Eco_Salvatore

    Thanks. Your reviews genuinely make me think new things about movies. Not just the ones you review, but movies in general.

    • torn

      But is that a good thing? Isn’t it better to enjoy movies, instead of tearing them apart?

      • http://www.facebook.com/keith11ballard Keith Ballard

        It’s never bad to be thoughtful. Anyway, you can still enjoy movies that you think are crap when you analyze them. I mean I still seek out each Resident Evil film while it’s in theaters.

      • Eco_Salvatore

        No.

  • jimjize

    William Taft looking like Mike Holmgren

  • http://twitter.com/Tannerburgess97 Tanner Burgess

    Taft, you fuck!

  • stolliosis

    Awesome segway into the new Plinkett Review with the stream-a-thon. Galaxy Invader might have been the best part. Think how much power you guys got. You got people so waiting for your stuff, you had us sit through a creepy Panasonic word processor instructional video:)

    • Bassbait

      Hate to go all grammar nazi on you (even though it’s not grammar, it’s word choice), but “segway” is spelled “segue”. “Segway” is the dumb looking scooter that GOB rides. Segue is a transition. Segue is pronounced “segway”, but spelled “segue”.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1400721798 Andrew Tucker

        I have always pronounced ‘segue’ as ‘seeg’ in my head, and assumed ‘segway’ was a different word. Hitherto I thought I was an intelligent person.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=860130505 Jorge Román

    Hey…. I like Leo Dicaprio. He’s a fantastic actor and looks hilariously amazing in Django.

  • http://www.facebook.com/treknologist Clifford T. Hall

    Can’t wait for closure from Samantha’s friends still waiting for her at the Halloween party…

  • f

    Sorry, this is your worst. It’s not bad by any means, but it is decidedly less entertaining.

    • guest

      “This is good, but not the best thing I’ve ever seen, therefore I have to be negative.”

      • Bassbait

        I’m sorry, your comment is just horrible. It’s not the best comment I’ve ever seen, and that is precisely enough reason for me to find it horrible.

  • Jupiter Jumpin James Jumbo

    Land ho captain, land ho

  • Jeromy

    leonardo dicaprio can be a good actor. He is much better than what he used to be. blood diamond, the departed and inception have very good performances from him in my opinion. and he probably will get an oscar nomination for django unchained.

    • Christopher Kulik

      I think his best performance up until now is for, ironically enough, REVOLUTIONARY ROAD where he reunites with Rose McGowan.

      • Robby

        Coincidentally*

        • Christopher Kulik

          Kathy Bates joined them as well, coincidentally. You should see the movie only for General Zod as Bates’ son.

    • Plinkett

      He better be fucking good in Django Unchained.

      • Jegsimmons

        its tarintino….he’ll be awesome.

        • pete smith

          tarantino sucks cock

          • Jegsimmons

            you suck cock.

          • guest

            dude hes a cool guy you mad?

          • Hipster douche

            YOU’RE SO UNIQUE.

          • http://www.facebook.com/Hugirur Hugo Herrera

            Tarantino suck rock

          • tarantino

            youre right, bro, i suck cock

        • Plinkett

          Tarantino? I thought Luciano Lucignani made this movie. You know, the guy who made “Pleasant Nights”. I don’t know why they called it that because the only thing pleasant about it was Tina Aumont’s pussy…

      • Handsome Pete

        it’s gonna be great

        • Manuel

          it’ll be great

          • Lucas Mass

            that’s gonna be great

    • FickenGesicht

      “leonardo dicaprio can be a good actor.”
      “probably will get an oscar nomination”

      Can you make up your fucking mind already!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Valerie-Dicaire/100000800421372 Valérie Dicaire

      Agreed. That’s the only major point I disagree with Plinkett in this review, DiCaprio has proven more than once to be a very talented actor. Sure, in his early movies he was basically cast because of his good looks and fame with the young ladies but he has matured quite a bit since then. I was really impressed with him in Inception and Shutter Island… but haters gonna hate… ;)

    • Andrew

      He was also great in The Aviator and Catch Me If You Can. I can see their point in certain performances(especially the shouting which I never really noticed before) but it is hard to deny that at his best he can bring an excellent performance. Scorsese ain’t no hack.

      • Christopher Kulik

        I didn’t like anything Leo did in the ’90s. In terms of performance, I don’t think there is anything memorable from him in that era…yes even Gilbert Grape, as he just makes me cringe in that. CATCH ME IF YOU CAN was the first movie I liked him in, and he’s done some fine work since then, although I know I’m in the minority as his finest performance was in REVOLUTIONARY ROAD…sure, he does shout and yell, but he also did actually read the book and got the character perfectly.

        • morris

          Have you ever seen “this boys life”? With Leo and Robert Deniro? That will probably change your mind about him in the 90′s

        • Professor Obvious

          i agree, decaprio can act very well and revolutionary road is his best performance, also notice when he talked crap about natalie portman he only mentioned her “did it for the money” movies, she has several good films aside from those including v for vendetta and black swan

          • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.d.stokes.3 Anthony Donovan Stokes

            Lol I wouldn’t call two movies several. I kind of agree Natahlie has next to 0 range. Leo has way more integrity, but he has a point most of his roles involve intense performances but he can be nuanced , but not Nathalie

          • http://www.facebook.com/len.sheirbon Len Sheirbon

            Natalie has some good roles. She was fantastic in Black Swan, and she did okay in V for Vendetta. She’s been cast in a lot of bad movies, I don’t really think it’s her fault.

          • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.d.stokes.3 Anthony Donovan Stokes

            Well, she’s not that great of an actor is all, if you go back and watch Black Swan it’s all through the direction she got off with her performance and she’s kind of one note. And even when she’s in good movies she’s not that great Thor, Hesher. I think she’s no better then Saundra Bullock. She’s basically the female Channing Tatum lol.

          • badfilm

            V for Vendetta is a terrible movie…Good comic though.

      • Jay Kay

        these are the two that sell me. Catch me if you can is one of my favorite films and surprisingly Dicraprio and Hanks played off each other really well. Same with Walken. but honestly I feel Inception was great in spite of Dicaprio not because of him. It was written with Brad Pitt in mind which makes so much more sense because I felt Leo was just too young didn’t have that mature traveled feel to him someone like Pitt may have. Ever since Fight Club though he won’t touch anything really interesting. He got his hopes up so much and it was SUCH a flop theatrically. Now THAT would be a great Plinkett review. Also was asked to play Morpheus in the Matrix which would’ve worked great, but it was alongside Will Smith as Neo, which would’ve been a fucking disaster. Will Smith instead did Wild Wild West, the rest is history. The Matrix Sequels would also be good reviews.

    • http://www.facebook.com/loumarx Luís Marques

      Sorry. A good actor for me has to have some “range” and be somewhat competent in making me laugh. DiCaprio blows whenever he’s not shouting or looking serious. And that voice… ugh.

      • JoeJoe

        Guess you didn’t watch The Aviator. That’s the movie that made me stop hating him for being a talentless Hollywood product.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=43804332 Shawn Quinn

      He was really good as Arnie Grape in his early career, and you forgot Frank Abagnale Jr.

      • RayTheFourth

        How is his acting style in Catch Me If You Can any different than say, The Departed, Aviator, Titanic, The Beach, etc. While DiCaprio can be good, he is extremely limited.

    • http://www.sunnystrangers.blogspot.com/ Bryan M. White

      I really hadn’t noticed how bad he delivered some of his lines in Titanic.

      But I agree that he’s gotten better. I thought he was pretty good in The Aviator, and at the very least, serviceable in Inception.

    • Adam Vaga

      I admit his earlier entries were annoying to me, but DiCaprio has later proven he can be really good with a good script. All of the characters in Titanic had hammy dialogue, much like the Star Wars prequels where Ewan McGreggor and Liam Neeson, both very good actors, couldn’t have saved that shlock.

  • FakePlinkettCanCo-Exsist

    I know you don’t need people telling you that you’re awesome but these are great. You guys are like the punk rock (real punk rock) of film making and analysis. I know you’re intelligent enough not to fall into the trap of signing a deal with the devil (any corporate whores/broadcasters) but I hope the fans realize they need to donate and help finance you guys.

    DONATE GUYS, PLINKETT’S JOB AT THE TOLL BOOTH CAN’T COVER THE COSTS FOR THESE PRODUCTIONS AND HIS RAPE ADDICTION, GETTING RID OF BODIES AIN’T CHEAP YA KNOW!

  • http://www.facebook.com/RoberthsSmith Robert Smith

    I am a little confused about the analysis of dialogue in general here. So a line of dialogue gets picked out “no boys, the titanics going to New York, in 5 minutes” which is nothing more than a witty line to get move the plot along. I mean really is this unnatural or weird in any way? You couldve just missed that out entirely and had Jack and co just get on the boat as normal but the the way it was done made it more exciting.

    And then he says he likes the argument between Ruth and Rose after the corset bit, where Rose’s mother talks about sexism, bringing in the sexism issue. Really? There’s a line in that where Ruth says “were women, our options are always limited” or something. Im sorry but thats just pandering crap. The entire Rose/Cliff relationship SHOWS US IN GREAT DETAIL that yes women were subjugated in that time we dont need Ruth to literally state “fuck being a women is terrible if only we lived 100 years from now where the people watching this film enjoy equal rights”. What I would have liked to see is Ruth and Cliff together alone, perhaps in a lift. Wouldve fitted in well as we see them together without Rose in the film. And then we see them conflicting with Cliff being all sexist and Ruth not sure whether she really wants Rose to marry such an arsehole. Wouldve fleshed out both characters a lot I think.

    Overall love the review though :D

  • JohnnyRodger

    Bullzeye!

  • Tennah

    my new favorite film review, very good points made!

  • Eric Fuchs

    Here I thought this movie starred Billy Zane being a goddamn badass for two hours and two twats who stole his diamond. Weird.

    • Zootsutra

      When can you start filming and how many money, hookers and blow will you need?

      • JoeJoe

        I’m Phillip Noyce, and I already did this, but I can’t turn down more money, hookers, and blow.

    • zeitguest

      Right, total badass. Billy Zane is unstoppable!

      Except if you get him with a speargun, that always works on him. It’s like his kryptonite.

      But I doubt DiCaprio or any of his steerage class buddies could afford a speargun let alone brought it along for their cruise.

  • morris

    Glad you feel the same way about leonardo dicaprio and natalie portman. You hit the nail on the pandering head.

  • http://twitter.com/cinemacrazed cinemacrazed

    Thank you, Red Letter Media. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515307747 Eric Boost

    I’ve been saying for years that the reason the love story is so basic in Titanic was because Cameron saw it merely as a device. This is a man with an obsession for the event but he has an impossible task. He has to get you all the way from A deck to E deck both before and (repeatedly) during the various satges of the sinking. Not only that but since most of Titanic’s mythology comes from anecdotal stories about the key faces such as Guggenheim’s “We are dressed in our best and prepared to go down in gentleman” moment, Cameron has to find a way to introduce the audience to these players otherwise these events have no weight. We’d just go “that was odd. Who the fuck was that?”.
    The lover’s class-divide becomes a neccesary evil as a wonderful tool. The best example being the chase by the butler through the furnace room. Its completely pointless character-wise but “LOOK these are the conditions it took to propel this beauty” Cameron is saying.
    The problem with Avatar is that the basic love story serves no such purpose. All the tech is explained by the science team and we can learn about the smurfs just from his regular interactions with the tribe. The only thing the relationship with catlady teaches us is that blue people use the same method to ride animals that they use to fuck…
    I have some issues with Titanic’s history here and there. For instance accounts strongly suggest Lightoller was the crewmember who resorted to violence, not Murdoch and yadda yadd yadda but I can shrug that off. It is truly an astounding piece of cinema for its attention to detail in such a way that I can ignore the sappy romance entirely. When I watch the shag scene I’m marvelling not only at Kate’s bags but the mail bags Cameron’s put in the storage room.
    Welcome back Plinkett. You’re da boss. A hooker and trick or treat murdering boss but a damn boss all the same.

  • Rose

    Captain Smith on the 1997 blockbuster Titanic was not the real Captain Smith, but an actor.

  • Kevin Coyle

    Does anyone else find it extremely depressing that his final conclusion about the movie is that it’s flawed so perfectly that it has to been flawed intentionally, and we’re all just complete retards?

    • Ken

      Does anyone else find it depressing that hes probably right about that?

    • dakotafanning

      I was just completely depressed that he reviewed an amazing movie yet left the Matrix trilogy unscathed. That’s very fucking depressing.

      • phallus

        ok,cop dog wasn’t that great

      • guest

        But he’s not just using the Plnkett (or HitB) reviews to rip on crap movies. That’s only an element of what’s going on here. He’s also commenting on the state of the film industry in general, and pointing out different aspects of the production process and business decisions that go into these things. This review is just as much a commentary on the movie industry as the movie itself.

        What is there to say about the Matrix trilogy? The first one was a brilliant mistake that everybody thought would be terrible (remember how it was supposed to be a mash-up of Neuromancer and Ghost in the Shell, with the shitty actor from Johnny Mnemonic and a couple of then-male directors nobody knew anything about?) that turned out to be revolutionary in terms of special effects. The second two were fucking horrible pretentious POSs that failed to deliver on the interesting ideas presented in them, and were little more than the Wachowskis wanking off on screen to classical Hindu mythology for five hours. It’s a personal, intimate fuck-up by two maybe-talented guys that says little about the film business at large, nor did it ruin any kind of sci-fi classic (except for maybe making sure that we’ll never get a good Neuromancer adaptation on the big screen). I agree they’re worthy of hate, but there’s no larger story to make it much more than fanboy bitching.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

          Ha! Good one! “Then-male” Now transexual sluts.

          • Craz

            He’s still male, just with his junk cut off because he’s craaaaazzzy

      • RayTheFourth

        Amazing movie? Titanic isn’t Citizen Kane. Oh can Plinkett please review Citizen Kane.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

        I am sorry but Matrix would be boring. Now a review of the Dark Knight Rises would be good!

        • Kyle

          no that would be boring

  • http://www.facebook.com/Spike.Ghost Jean-François Martel

    i don’t hate Celine Dion… I mean i don’t like her either but i don’t feel any particular hatred towards her. I guess maybe it’s because i am French Canadian. I must be born with a natural protection keeping her from annoying me.

    • Jegsimmons

      you like bieber and nickleback as well?

      • http://www.facebook.com/Spike.Ghost Jean-François Martel

        How fucking DARE YOU ASSUME THOSE THINGS ABOUT ME! I need to go bleach my eyes now.

  • http://twitter.com/AdManComics Adam Markiewicz

    James Cameron put boobs in a Titanic movie. That makes this the best Titanic movie of all time and James Cameron is officially King of the World. Also, I don’t get out much.

    • Jegsimmons

      video game confessions?

  • http://www.facebook.com/nicktheofficeninja Nicholas Collins

    “Worst acting since Jim Varney’s coffin.”

    Too soon…

    • Bassbait

      Oh… no… did Jim Varney’s coffin die?

  • http://twitter.com/TigerClawTV Critical Failure

    Science called! Bodies float!

  • Leifletter

    Titanic: A New Musical was actually really great. It won Best New Musical at the Tony Awards

  • bacon

    It’s gonna be great.

  • claus

    Even with the huge build-up of expectations this really delivered. Awesome mr. S! Worth the wait.

  • http://twitter.com/Dragon5555 M

    That was some fine foreshadowing with the Titanic popcorn tub in an earlier movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000374596907 Jacob McLaughlin

    Good lord, I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. I had tears in my eyes near the end. Great observations as always. Probably my favorite review yet.

  • Derick

    If cancer were pretentious it would be Mr. Plinkett

  • Pace202

    You show some balls calling out Leo as a bad actor. I thought I was the only one who thought every film he’s in its: Leonardo DiCrapio playing Leonardo Dicrapio….same person every damn film (lots of “actors” are like this).

    • http://www.facebook.com/TimeToChewBubbleGum Jason Argus Matthew

      And Natalie Portman, for that matter.

    • That guy

      It’s basically the same theory of people wanting more of the same. Look at Samuel L. Jackson.

    • http://comicbooksyndicate.com/author/gi-jolie Jolie

      Every time I see this jackass in a movie, I wonder the same thing and spend most of the film trying to convince myself that DiCaprio wasn’t THAT bad, was he???

      I guess I can feel bette knowing that I can just say YES. He IS shit :D

    • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

      Many times acting is mistaken for presence. Tom Cruise has a presence but he is not a great actor.

    • Mynock

      Are you schizophrenic?

  • luvit

    Setup: In a prior review, Plinkett mentions he was on the Titanic.
    Payoff: Plinkett Crashes the Titatinic into the iceberg.

    • http://twitter.com/madhi19 John G

      Other setup he said in this review that he got to watch Star Trek five again!

      • Jegsimmons

        payoff: he accidently killed deforest kelly

        • phallus

          payoff: he made out with george lucas.

          • Poppasketti

            UNSUBSCRIBE

      • Adam Vaga

        I actually really do hope to see Plinkett reviews of the other Star Trek films, many of them were fucking terrible. STV is definitely tops, almost the Episode 1 of the franchise.

    • http://www.facebook.com/allan.moza Allan Bøgeskov Jensen

      Too soon!

    • Joe Bloggs

      Setup: In this review Plinkett repeatedly mentions Sinatra’s bad toupee.
      Payoff: The next review will be on Star Trek V.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mike.greene.332 Mike Greene

    Panera is amazing. Unsubcribed.

    • Quiznooooooos

      Wait! Don’t go!… You forgot your sandwich!

  • http://twitter.com/IndifferenceFTW Tyler C. Sypherd

    Wow that was great…so…WHEN’S THE NEXT PLINKETT REVIEWWWW!!!!!!!!

  • Heres Johnny

    Squishbox!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/TimeToChewBubbleGum Jason Argus Matthew

    Another great review, Mr. Plinkett. My hat’s off to you… if I wore a hat. :P Next time I’m in Wisconsin, the drinks are on me. Also, it’s good to know you will be reviewing Star Trek V. Looking forward to it. :)

  • Heres Johnny

    Why is sinking in the Atlantic SO FUCKING ROMATIC??!!

    • Jegsimmons

      because the pacific is too fucking scary.

      and no one knows what the fuck is up with the indian ocean.

      • ZMAN1119

        hahahhahahahahah

  • Mr. Ordinary

    Plinkett reviews have R-rated humor and I’ve grown to accept this. They are enlightening, entertaining, and inspiring works of a few true geniuses who, in my opinion, are largely responsible for staving off the decay of thoughtless film in Hollywood and ushering in a renaissance of higher standards amongst filmmakers through a grassroots movement.

    However, it’s hard enough trying to refer my friends to your otherwise flawless reviews without you making fun of retarded people and calling them “mongoloids.”

  • satansfinest

    Laughed out several times. Too bad I’m sitting in the waiting room of a hospital. Now everyone here hates me.

  • http://twitter.com/MrMattJay Matthew Jay

    Great to see a critical voice actually giving Titanic a chance. Most just flippantly write it off. Maybe this review will get some people to watch it again.

    • Guest

      Maybe. Not me, of course.

  • TheCookingOfTheDuckMeat

    The scripts were in the water

  • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

    Please do Schindler’s List next.

  • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    Now i’m okay to admit to liking Titanic.

    And fuck that stupid Celin Dion song for making me hate Titanic.

  • Mr. Ordinary

    Plinkett reviews have R-rated humor, and I’ve grown to accept this. They are enlightening, entertaining, and inspiring works of a few true geniuses who, in my opinion, are largely responsible for staving off the decay of thoughtless film in Hollywood and ushering in a renaissance of higher standards amongst filmmakers through a grassroots movement.

    However, it’s hard enough trying to refer my friends to your otherwise flawless reviews without you making fun of retarded people and calling them “mongoloids.”

    • http://twitter.com/Andy_MPHC Andy D

      Plinkett is a character who is offensive to people of all races, genders and creeds. He also kills hookers and is (probably) a pedophile (we’ve witnessed him say that his Jesus is a “sexy little black girl,” and seen him masturbate to Mary Kate & Ashley). The humour comes from the fact that Plinkett is such a horrible person and calls retards “mongoloids”, not that retards are mongoloids. Just as the humour doesn’t come from the fact that hookers are killed, but rather that Plinkett is such a dark an twisted individual that he will kill hookers’ babies and kidnap them all for the sake of exposing them to a Star Wars film he’s reviewing.

      I understand how that is definitely a point of contention, though, when all you’re really interested in is the critique and essay.

      • http://www.facebook.com/TimeToChewBubbleGum Jason Argus Matthew

        Mr. Plinkett may be vulgar, but saying “mongoloid” is not offensive.

      • Mr. Ordinary

        You make a good point. I’ll keep thinking about this. Thank you for your empathy at the end. That’s rare on a webzone like this.
        It just hit me the wrong way. Why this hit me differently than the other examples you mentioned is something I should think about as well.

        • http://www.facebook.com/thom.stone.50 Thom Stone

          isn’t the term ‘retarded’ offensive as well?

      • Guest

        I believe that Plinkett’s insanity is merely a funhouse mirror of how Mike views his own OCD nature.

      • Leo Ladenson

        You forgot the bestiality with his cat. I know, I tried to block that out too.

    • http://www.facebook.com/TimeToChewBubbleGum Jason Argus Matthew

      Mongolism is another term for Down’s Syndrome. There’s nothing derogatory about it.

      • cacalips

        Exactly, and I moved to Europe where the Mongloid is the ONLY word for handicap people. Line 32 and Mangolisme is the word in french for down syndrome; down syndrome doesnt exist outside of US dictionary. ALSO, the connection that mass consumers have the intellectual handicap of a medically handicap person is pretty SPOT ON. Just go to youtube and enter “Black Friday fights”….. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    • http://www.facebook.com/RoberthsSmith Robert Smith

      I dont think you quite understand what a mongoloid is…

    • ?

      Maybe he had to be extra raunchy in this one so assholes don’t steal it and put it on youtube.

    • ty

      No Way! That joke about the two leads in Pearl Harbor was worth it!

    • Leo

      RETARDS?!! Erm…I think you’ll find that the term is ‘learning difficulties’.

  • Muthsarah

    I love you for the Hugo shout-out. And for putting Brazil at the highest-IQ level (yeah, that had to be deliberate). But we always knew you were an “exceptional” individual, Harry.

  • tojojo

    I love you Plinkie – but Andromeda Strain is a great flick.

    • cacalips

      IT is actually poss poor if you read the book. In fact it is pretty damn forgetable. I remember more of and appreciate more of Jurassic park as both a good book AND a good film (even if the film is brainless compared to the book that introduces Chaos theory, physics of dinosaurs and behavior including Trex swimming like a crocodile, etc etc.) Andromeda Strain and Abyss and Congo were some of the most boring, lack luster films I ever saw from a book.

      • tojojo

        I enjoyed the book; good, hard SF, I thought. Abyss and Congo were bad fantasy.

    • http://wrongsirwrong.blogspot.com/ Magic Xylophone

      I don’t agree, but I don’t think he was saying it was bad, just that it wasn’t a popcorn blockbuster like Star Wars. He was contrasting the style, not the quality.

  • ripplinket

    didn’t crack a smile even once

    • Bassbait

      How would you like me to put a crack in your smile?!?

      And I mean the drug, would you like some crack?

  • http://www.facebook.com/Kungkonrad Konrad Husko Berggren

    Amazing work, love it. Keep ut the good work and MORE HALF IN THE BAG?!?

    When is the next plinkett review?

  • Hash Nazi

    Lars von Trier <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Freddy-Duran/100000817426762 Freddy Duran

    Great set up for the twilight reviews.

  • Meester Smeeth

    Your mother is a fox.

  • nameless

    where is my pizza roll

  • cacalips

    Actually the Titanic crew being depicted as dicks and fuck wads is pretty accurate if compare to today’s TSA.

    • cacalips

      But I Sure do miss the days I could smuggle weed aboard a national transport vessel.

  • bb-15

    Well done, interesting take on why films like this are so popular.

    I could have done without the dead Navi chick in the basement though.

    • cacalips

      Odd considering you just watched an hour of a historical event of hundreds of dead people in Antarctica… Making icebergs more greusome than plinkett, and since you probably eat icecream or have a freezer, making you the evil creator muahahaha LOGIC!

    • Jegsimmons

      i would have watch a movie with nothing but dead Navi personally.

      i hate those blue faced bastards.

  • kingofmadcows

    Cameron studied physics and engineering in college and I think it really shows in his films. He pays great attention to details. He’s got an excellent visual sense. He knows how to make things look realistic and believable. He focuses a lot on the logic of things.

    He makes movies like he’s doing a science project or writing a research paper. There are a lot of details on how things work and the logic of things, and it’s pretty parsimonious and to the point. However, things related to human elements like emotions, motivations, moral failings, etc. will have problems. That’s why he really needs a co-writer to compensate for his weaknesses.

    • cacalips

      Thanks for the re-cap. Also, I beg to differ on some of his choices of physics on T2. Including a mini gun with little to no recoil in the hands of Arnold, and motorcycle distance vs speed with the weight of the same android that can carry a minigun…Etc.etc..Etc…..;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

      • http://wrongsirwrong.blogspot.com/ Magic Xylophone

        Wouldn’t being a super-strong robot minimize the recoil?

        • Jegsimmons

          not really, if that was the case no other gun would have had recoil. but it does.
          the force coming from a minigun is really strong and needs constant effort to keep it straight if it isnt mounted.

          • kingofmadcows

            The minigun they used was clocked down significantly.

          • Bassbait

            The other guns didn’t have recoil. Arny was just pretending to do that because it looks cool.

      • kingofmadcows

        He’s still making a movie so of course things are going to be exaggerated. However, it’s nothing compared to what other action directors do. Just look at T3 and T4. In T3, you have the two Terminators smashing through walls and metal like they were made of tissue paper. In T4, John Connor gets thrown 30 or 40 feet and barely gets winded.

      • Jegsimmons

        not to mention the time travel plot holes that needed the third movie to cover them up.

        • kingofmadcows

          Considering how no one knows how time travel works and the Terminator series never actually established any rules for how they work, you can’t really say that they’re plot holes.

        • Bassbait

          If you made an entire sequel JUST to wrap up a couple of loose ends for the previous films, you need to seriously re-think your philosophy on movies.

          • Jegsimmons

            they already established its one way only and has a ‘butterfly effect’.

            how ever that would mean if they tried to kill john, they would eliminate themselves from time, because skynet started because the first terminator came back and they found the chip and arm.
            the third movie had to come in and say “shit will happen anyway, that last two movie stuff was bullshit, its self fulfill prophecy. aka Iron man (song) rules. you go back in time and complete it, not change it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

      It’s bizzare and unnecessary comments and discussions like this online that make me roll my eyes. Are we seriously worried about the “physics” of Terminator? You are grasping at straws sir.

      • kingofmadcows

        Comments like yours make me roll my eyes because it’s that kind of attitude that leads people to say dumb things like, “who cares if it’s dumb or unrealistic, it’s just a movie.”

        Just because it’s entertainment doesn’t mean you shouldn’t expect any kind of logic or consistency from it. If a story expects people to take it seriously and presents things in a fairly realistic fashion then it makes sense to expect the physics to be somewhat realistic too. It makes no more sense for a movie with fairly realistic action to have people suddenly throw each other around like they’re superheroes.

  • playdude92

    James Cameron is a mustache twirling genius!
    Because he DID do it again with Avatar, considering that movies success.

    • cacalips

      So many of you seem to have missed the point. The definition of success is not directly attributed to genius. IF the masses consider this success, it is usually because they do not have a choice (not so free America). And that is directly connected to the mafia like structure of Hollywood. Where big names and marks control what you see and how you see it. This is not a new concept either but plagued films since black and white era (wiki it). Thankfully, if you ever lived in Hollywood and got to know the sub culture, there are allot of great underground films that are by far more ind opening than main stain poo land. And other states as well but to find that requires usually a trip to a local art studio or university, and then knowing what to look for and who to talk to, and try not ending up on a porn set and then boom! you find a gem. But this is a rare voyage and usually partains to a certain age group leaving, yes, the masses to just pick up a plastic box in Wal Mart. I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!

  • Ori

    Your new streaming technology sucks ASS, just saying guys

    • cacalips

      How so? I put my anus to teh screen and did not feel any suction whateoever. I also tryed my front end on pornhubDOTcom but that did not suck either. Not sure what screen your using but please tell us where to find ass sucking technology please.

  • simon

    woah plinkett, lay off the bacon

  • james cameron

    This review sucks balls.

    When is the next Plinkett review?

    • George Lucas

      Can I suck off both of your oscars Mr. King of the World?

  • adam sandler

    When is the next half in the bag?

  • STOP_RIGHT_THERE_CRIMINAL_SCUM

    *sigh*, great review but now I’m depressed to think that it’ll probably be another year till the next one

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1245414861 Ken Parsons

    I must admit that I did weep profusely during this film.
    But they still made me watch it.

  • Spheron

    Plinkett you fat fuck, we waited all this time for a god damn 1 hour titanic review!?
    Get off your fat ass and do one of these every month!

    Great review, but it seems kind of short for all this wait. Half in the bag is way to much you and Jay talking than actually showing what you mean, Plinkett is but it comes way too far in between!

  • kjv7782

    When is the next Half in the Bag episode?

    • Andy S

      About a week after they’ve seen the Hobbit?

    • http://www.facebook.com/therobrose Rob Rose

      soooo 20 seconds ago

      • kjv7782

        Learn to read timestamps, comedy genius.

  • http://twitter.com/Louiscipher Alex

    Great stuff guys!

    In part 1 at around the 21:00 mark, where did that clip of that woman in the thong come from? Call me curious.

    • Jegsimmons

      i think its a porno….i want to see it.

  • StoopyDaysHolidayOctet

    Not as much fun as most of the other Plinkett reviews. But seriously, what was anyone expecting? These epic “getting all the stuff that bothered me off my chest” type reviews only work if there actually *are* bunch of things that bothered you, and it makes sense that at this point, Mike’s already exhausted the low hanging fruit.

    Not saying this Plinkett review wasn’t entertaining – it had its moments – but I was a bit puzzled as to the choice of Titanic, which is only half-shitty, rather than say the Matrix sequels with all their pretentious garbage dialogue, incoherent plot, and total failure to understand what made the original good. (On the other hand, unless Mike has his own unique take on what exactly went wrong, it’s silly to demand a Plinkett review. These things can’t be forced.)

    • http://wrongsirwrong.blogspot.com/ Magic Xylophone

      Mike hasn’t NEARLY exhausted the low-hanging fruit.

      • Adam Vaga

        There are WAY more bad movies than good ones. I find examples like the Matrix particularly intreaquing because the first was so good and well received, and the sequels just fell apart. That definitely deserves some anal sis as to what the holy fuck happened there.

        • emanuel reuter

          didn’t he say that titanic is only half shitty?

          are you guys on the comments retarded?

    • bb-15

      Who knows if Mike and Jay hate the Matrix sequels that much? I don’t recall them mentioning those films. They seem to dislike Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich’s stuff a lot more. As for the Wachowski brothers, Mike/Plinkett did mention “Speed Racer”. Maybe there will be a Plinkett review of that someday. But I’m not going to predict their next big review because the choice of “Titanic” was a surprise for me.

      • General Grievance

        At the end of the Indiana Jones’ Crystal Skull review Plinkett mentions he needs to review the Matrix sequels….and how deserving it will be!

        • NeoBoy69

          That was a joke, making of the good chunk of Plinkett fans who just want him to make lame reviews about movies that have been done to death. The Matrix sequels are exhausted punchlines, as are the Star Wars prequels. The difference is that, as he put it, those movies are “a blur of bad”, so they almost require dissection. The Matrix sequels are easier to pick apart, and honestly aren’t quite as fucking terrible as the prequels are.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

            Nor nearly as terrible as the Dark Knight Rises.

          • Adam Vaga

            I have to disagree, the conclusion of the trilogy was such total horseshit I have yet to see another Wachowski movie since. They have milked their Matix fame for all it is worth, because nothing they have made since was any good at all. The sequels are just as bad as the Star Wars prequels, and have many of the same problems.

    • General Grievance

      I’m fiending for a Matrix-sequel demolition by Plinkett….oh God Plinkett please!!!!!

    • Mr.X

      What’s with these demands about Matrix trilogy review? Who cares really?I want a review of Secrets starring Jacqueline Bisset.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

      Why do all these assholes say the Matrix? How about the Dark Knight Rises a movie the actual masses thought was actually good. The fact is it was a piece of shit.

      • http://www.facebook.com/thom.stone.50 Thom Stone

        i would want to see this as well.

      • Bob Sacamano

        The problem is the boys at Half in the Bag actually liked DKR. I doubt Plinkett will want to disagree with them, or they may not finish fixing his VCR.

  • Verne Troyer

    I’m a mongoloid and am offended by the negative use of the word mongoloid. My favorite movie of all time is “The Unbearable Lightness Of Being” and I fucking hate “Titanic” you gay generalizing homo spaz window-licking retard jew douche-bags!

    • http://wrongsirwrong.blogspot.com/ Magic Xylophone

      I’m a window-licker, and I will not stand for this abuse.

  • anondude

    so…
    WHEN IS THE GORILLA INTERRUPTED RERELEASE??

  • reno

    you sneaky sneaky bastards. I never saw it coming.

  • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

    Well slather my asshole in butter and shove popcorn up it, its a brand new Mr. Plinkett review, can you fucken believe it??? XD

  • roabe

    In addition to the reference to Star Trek V, the review also plays “The Meld” from Star Trek: The Motion Picture’s soundtrack (it is heard around the 24:30 mark of Part 1). I wonder if Plinkett has The Motion Picture in mind for a future review?

    • Mark Rodkin

      Plinkett likes his sci-fi slow and dull

  • T-Pain

    The Titanic review really blew me away and gave me a new respect for you guys. I wish more people would have the courage to step out and give a modern viewpoint on cinematographic history, the present, and how movies are an important tool for viewing and contextualizing personal experience. Keep living the dream.

  • rargasaur

    TAFT YOU FUCK!

  • Joe

    Brazil.
    Fuck. Yes.

  • AdmiralSnackbar

    I’m not sure if I entirely agree with the point that Leo is a bad actor. He looks fucking hilarious in Django. Point taken that he was very dry in Titanic, though

    • Jegsimmons

      and he was excellent in inception.

      i think the point is that Leo is a type casted actor, not so much a bad one.

  • Max

    the plinkett scenes should have been filmed with a tape camera in 4:3

  • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

    Why dont you get off your fat lazy asses and give us what we all want, the sequel to wheres death list! …Oh… No wait, That came out wrong, i meant the next episode of Half in the bag! You can review the new twilight movie or some shit. Who cares, as long as we get Mike and Jay then the world is right and happy again with sunshine and rainbows… :3

  • asshole

    Hey,, assholes….you said you liked “Thor” and “John Carter” in HITB!

    • Mark Rodkin

      Plinkett ≠ Mike & Jay, duh

  • http://twitter.com/bbhaver2 bbhaver

    Great review Mr. Plinkett !

  • rossco

    Btchin’ work as always. I also noticed he fleeting meeting of two greats: Mr. Plinkett’s voice and Tim Curry in one scene.

  • Durrrrcaprio

    Having never seen Titanic, the part where Leo’s showing her his doodles got me for a second, well played.

  • asshole

    Hey, assholes….Titanic is still better then Feeding Frenzy

  • Carl from sweden

    This is amazing. Just finished watching, and I want to quickly comment on you’re reviews overall. They are so extensive and well-made, in fact I would call them genius. The disposition, structure and pace of the review is just excellent! Furthermore, you present some really intelligent analysis’ and provide multi-layered comedy at the same time. Genius, just genius.

  • Guest

    I hope that poor telephone operator doesn’t kill herself like that nurse in the UK.

  • Benedict from Shrewsbury

    I thought it was just me who regarded Titanic as an imperfect guilty pleasure. I enjoy all the exaggerated, stylized class injustice.
    “Aliens” remains my favourite movie of all time. I couldn’t even make it all the way through Avatar.

  • Guest

    I’m glad you did a culturally significant movie and not some POS B-movie that nobody saw, which I had resigned myself to.

  • http://wrongsirwrong.blogspot.com/ Magic Xylophone

    Not bad. A lot of time killing, I didn’t get why Plinkett kept comparing it to the TV movie if Cameron wrote his first, and I think comparing Spielberg and Cameron to Applebees is selling them short. Applebees is like Stephen Sommers. However, I learned a lot about the production I hadn’t known before, and I LOVE the point about subtle setups creating a logical framework for the action. Anyway, I look forward to Plinkett’s Star Trek V review. Might I also suggest Burton’s Alice in Wonderland? Lots of material there to be torn to shreds.

    • http://twitter.com/orbsonb Ben Robson

      i assume the majority of the comparisons between several movies were just to say the story and tropes of Titanic have been done a million times

    • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

      Spielberg really is the film maker equivalent of a fast food chain. Competent and safe. Not challenging and you get what you expect. I’m not saying that makes him a bad director. He is good at what he does. Munich was the most recent film of his that has been enjoyable as a form of entertainment.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tiffany-Harding/1322662990 Tiffany Harding

    Watching Titanic as a innocent 17 year old girl made me cry. Watching Titanic again as a cynical 32 year old woman made me fucking groan.

    • Cameron Vale

      Hormones man, they’re a trip.

  • http://twitter.com/Andrew_StClair Andrew St. Clair

    Not that it’s RLM’s fault, but if I see that lower third ad for “The Gauntlet” one more time I don’t know what I’ll do. Pops up every two minutes.

  • JM

    Very good analysis, but for the most part I think this review lacked the same manic charm as, say, the Episode I and II reviews or the Crystal Skull review. I’m not trying to say that anybody is particular is to blame…

    PALPATINESBEHINDITALL

    • cs

      It’s better than the Crystal Skull review

  • Martin

    I’ve just lost an hour from my life!

    • http://twitter.com/cinemacrazed cinemacrazed

      Watched Titanic?

      • Martin

        yeah, more than 20 times when i was a kid. I used to draw this ship and stuff…
        But this review is boring.The Star Wars reviews are classic for me. Funny and true. Here… we don’t get much…

  • guest

    I can’t believe there are people criticising this review and saying that Plinkett should “only” review terrible movies, completely missing the points Plinkett makes that criticise people for just wanting the same safe thing over and over again.

    • guest

      And missing the point that he very plainly stated in his NuTrek review that that wasn’t a bad movie either.

  • Trentono

    Great review! And surprising too, I did not think Titanic would be the next target…pretty good choice. Although, I don’t really get the point Plinkett was making about the confusion with Lovejoy pointing out Leo’s shows and jacket…..isn’t his line hinting at exactly what Plinkett says it SHOULD have been hinting at? He edited it a bit, but the full line is “It’s interesting that the young lady slipped so suddenly and you still had time to remove your jacket and your shoes.” And the line that Plinkett suggests is….pretty much the same exact line, just worded differently. He even says it with a sly hint that he knows there’s some bullshit afoot. Hell, when I saw the movie when I was 9 years old in ’97 I could tell that Lovejoy knew there that there was something going on. So why is Plinkett saying that he’s retarded when he clearly knows that something is fishy? I dunno, that just seemed kind of….retarded to me. Am I missing something here? If someone could point out whatever it is it would be very appreciated.

    Also, this review is the first time I’ve actually completely disagreed with Plinkett on something, and that’s his criticism of Leonardo diCaprio as an actor. I think diCaprio’s actually one of the stronger actors working in movies today….certainly not jaw-dropping by any means, but he does a good job in most of his movies. It especially rings false when he claims Scorsese’s films were “ruined” by Leo….that’s really not the case, especially with The Departed and The Aviator. And he carried Inception quite well, too. I think Leo does a pretty nice job in most of his performances, he can be pretty nuanced when he needs to be. He’s definitely a lot better than a lot of younger actors from his generation.

    Those were the only qualms I had with this review, other than that it was really solid! It’s pretty ridiculous how similar some parts of Titanic were to other Titanic movies….kinda rip-offish if you ask me. I’m glad he pointed those bits out, I was definitely not aware of that biz. Good job RLM!

  • Ricky

    I love this review. Especially the little analsys at the end about aiming for the average :]

  • doperwtje

    Titanicis the worst thing since my son.

  • guest

    Plinkett: “The masses are dumb and want the same shit over and over again.”

    Plinkett fans: “I didn’t like this review because you don’t just make fun of a horrible movie.”

    • George Lucas

      UNSUBSCRIBE

      • Regan

        CHECK YOUR FACTS!

        • dicksaplenty

          yea george lucas you don’t own star wars anymore you dickfuck

      • http://www.facebook.com/marcus.a.rovira Marcus Alan Rovira

        go home George Lucas you’re drunk!

  • Andolf the Grey bum-hole

    Bodies don’t always float smart-ass. I should know, I’ve drowned enough rent boys.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rankinen-Jari/825014294 Rankinen Jari

    Nice review Mr.Plinkett! Again an accurate anal-ysis! My only gripe is that the Blip-player is far from perfect. .

  • Andolf the Grey bum-hole

    And DiCaprio is a great actor. As an English guy who always bangs on about how great English actors are, I appreciate DiCaprio as up there with the best of them, and he’s completed under-rated and unappreciated. The guy is amazing – even as a child actor in films like ‘This Boys Life’ or ‘Basketball diaries’.

    • JW6

      Yeah, I like him in Scorceses’s (sp.) movies. I would say he WAS a bad actor, but at some point, he either got better or worked with the right directors.

      • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

        The directors he works with elevate him by association. He is very limited in his “talents”and all of those films would have been better served by having a more versatile actor. Sam Rockwell and Geoffry Wright are both amazing artist who never get their due if you want me to cite my personal opinion.

  • Danish Dynamite

    Celine Dion and Frank Sinatra once did a duet.
    SINATRA YOU FUCK!

  • http://twitter.com/tweeterisawful Obviously FakeAlias

    I can’t believe you brought up that italian Titanic cartoon without showing any footage from it. You must not have ever watched it, otherwise you’d have jumped at the chance to inflict this on the audience: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxHNztg0X3s#t=30s

    • Jegsimmons

      well the nostalgia critic did both animated titanic films, so i dont know.

  • quippley

    really great review you guys. all plinkett humor aside, your dissection of what makes a good movie is always thought provoking. it makes me want to seek out more movies with depth and believability (is that a WORD???). anyways… gotta go get some more cat meat.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=553086440 Jens Takle

    ah come on! Leonardo DiCaprio wasn’t that bad your 106-year-old fuck-face!

  • weasel

    I knew it was aliens! The history channel was right.

  • http://twitter.com/TimGreeley1 Timothy J Greeley

    Thanks for the laughs at the end of part 2, get down on it was a nice jam for that part.

    I thought Speed Racer was a poor choice for showing CG in a negative light. That film was clearly intended to look cartoonish, and honestly I think the Wachowskis achieved a very distinct and appealing look. Best use of color in a film I’ve ever seen.

    All in all good work Mike, you hack fraud.

    • Bassbait

      “Speed Racer… Best use of color in a film I’ve ever seen.”

      Um… 2001: A Space Odyssey?

      • deadhorse

        Ummm…Space Jam!

  • Ruiner

    As a long time fan of RLM’s I rarely get a chance to comment and commend Mike, Jay, and Rich on the quality of their video output. which is always even at the very least EXCEPTIONALLY entertaining, and INSANELY funny. I can’t speak for everyone but for me personally what makes “Half in the Bag” reviews so unique is how much I agree with you guys, which at this point has become quite scary but in the best way possible.

    Still I do have to admit that while we may share opinions Mike, and Jay are far more better then I will probably ever be at elaborating on, and explaining them in a review format. It is also no small feat that the skits in RLM videos are actually funny, unlike for example essentially everything that has been leaking out of the sewage treatment facility sadly once known as “That Guy with the Glasses” but I digress.

    It is very apparent that a lot of hard work collectively goes into the Plinkett Reviews, “Half in the Bag”, and the various “RLM one-offs” so here is me finally getting off my ass to write THANK YOU, and that all your work is truly appreciated!

    Merry Christmas, and Happy New Years Red Letter Media!

    • http://twitter.com/Rockybalboa211 Louis Gonzales

      I disagree. Personally, I still find TGWTG to be an incredibly funny website with incredibly funny producers. Doug Walker, in my opinion, needs more time in order to find something that he’s comfortable with after the death of the Nostalgia Critic. Until then, we have great producers like Oancitzen, Phelous, Lupa, Maven, Nostalgia Chick, Todd in the Shadows, JewWario, Welshy, Sad Panda, and Jesuotaku to keep us entertained. The one person who can probably contend with the awesomeness of Red Letter Media is probably Phelous. His video reviews are very entertaining! The same thing could be said for Non TGWTG producers, Phil Buni, Rantasmo, and The Foldable Human.

      • TGWTGisTheWorst

        TGWTG fucking sucks and Doug Walker is an unfunny hack that’s on the same level as Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

    • ZMAN1119

      I have to second that, these guys are genuinely funny. Flesh light, holy shit I’m still laughing

  • Why John Carter why

    Oh boy. This ‘FIlm Critic’. I agree with him (I think). But oh boy.

    He calls himself Hulk and writes in capital letters. Neat idea… if he wasn’t like: this critic can also become a novel… IN CAPITAL LETTERS. BECAUSE I CALL MYSELF HULK. HULK ISN’T PLEASED WITH MOVIE AND NOW TELLS WHY:

    BOOK ONE – CHAPTER 1

    JOHN CARTER IS IRONICALLY AN ALLEGORY TO MY OWN HUMBLE LIFE EXPERIENCES, WITCH I AM NOW ABOUT TO SHARE WITH YOU IN GREAT DETAILS.
    (…)
    …AND THESE ARE NOT NEARLY ENOUGH THINGS I COULD WRITE IN AN ARTICLE TO MAKE A POINT.
    END OF CHAPTER 43

    Do you know this guy? Why does he call himself the Hulk if he brabbles on and on and on. Not that he is wrong, but either wrap it up or loose the name.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rene.hartman.52 René Hartman

    What about titanic II? That was a great movie!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacob.levy.54 Jacob Levy

    a few months ago Plinkett said he might be working on two reviews at the same time and Plinkett hinted at a Star Trek V review; maybe we will get that one soon

  • Jegsimmons

    god i hated titanic. Camerons simplistic writing and obvious cash grabbing is the big thing wrong with hollywood todays. simple shit and effect heavy and no likable characters.

    thank god the batman movies and the avengers and Return of the king are billion dollar movie or id just give up on this world.

    Not to say anything about Avatar other than i consider it the worst film ever produced and screen in theaters.

    • Bassbait

      Really? Avatar is the worst film ever produced? I’m highly skeptical of anyone who makes bold claims about big name movies. I guarantee you I could find a film that you enjoy less than Avatar. A Serbian Film? Empire by Andy Warhol? Of course not, you’d MUCH rather sit through 6 hours of a SINGLE shot of the Empire State Building, than you would a film that was competently made but just boring, stupid, and cliche.

      • Jegsimmons

        i say avatar is the worst because despite its budget, it was the most dissapointing, manipulating, insulting, and sheer stupid films ive ever sat infront of.

        yes a serbian film is bad… but its badness is a different form of bad. there was no way that movie would be anything more than a mean spirited POS.

        Avatar had a chance, and ruined it by going common bottom denominator. now we got a shit ton of 3d (and only Dredd did it RIGHT) and people who think a bullshit plot with fancy special effects is OK.

        It doesnt push boundaries, it doesnt do anything risky and i feel insulted watching. Fuck the navi and their trees, those soldiers have families to feed and health insurance to pay for. fucking one dimensional piece of shit.

  • stolliosis

    As someone new to Plinkett and Half in the Bag (since June) what is the usual time between Plinkett reviews? I can’t wait to see if he rips Star Trek V a new asshole.

    • Dylan

      About 2 a year lately. Half in the Bag is about 1 in every two weeks. Or whenever they feel like it

    • Robby

      Yeah the Plinkett reviews have slowed down a lot since they started Half in the Bag. Personally that’s fine with me. I find HitB more entertaining even though I do love the Plinkett reviews. I’d rather have a moderately in-depth analsis of one three or four films a month than one every eight or nine months.

  • cancer4eeSinCe2k3

    I am glad to see that you can make a positive review, well kinda, and still make it funny.

    Shaking your hand in CPH:DOX and akwardly runnin away was one of the awesomest things I’ve done in my life. Ah.

  • SomeoneElseTookDude

    Jacks’ new drawings of naked women had me on the floor

    • Robby

      If George Lucas was behind Titanic that’s probably the one thing he would have changed. And it probably would have been very similar to Plinkett’s illustrations.

    • http://www.facebook.com/thom.stone.50 Thom Stone

      there were so many parts that he me burst out laughing. i watched a bunch of things over and over. really good review.

  • Pick Name?

    i like it. very well edited and performed. maybe technically your best one. surprised me with the movie too. not very entertaining and i´m sad that i waited a year for it, but i like it nevertheless!

  • penispoopinyourfaceontoast

    I’m so glad it wasn’t Doubleteam! Thanks Mike. Lovesies <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/andreas.nordvall.5 Andreas Nordvall

    Have you ever had a dreams… that… ss… that you um you had… you dd… you wh… you could do… you wit you wants… you… you could do so you you you’c you wanted you wanted him you to do you so much you could do anything?

    my mind is melting into pink goo

    • morris

      LOOL! Best part of the marathon.

  • http://www.facebook.com/razvan.ghita.14 Razvan Ghita

    Really great review. But I have to say, I really don’t think Titanic was the kind of movie that called for an analysis from Dr. Plinkett. It was a really good movie overall and I think everybody can agree that no movie is without faults. Sure there were some bad parts, like was pointed out but they are nowhere near as bad as say The Crystal Skull or the Star Wars prequel. I just think that there were far worse movies out there that needed to be ripped a new one. I mean the LOTR series for one example ( Gandalf’s logic and decisions were just horrible). I don’t know it just feels that the time would have been better spent on a famous bad movie. Mr. Plinkett is really at his best when he is tearing appart plot elements or ridiculing characters.

    • Peter Jackson

      LOTR was based on a book. Not much you can do with a character’s logic when it impacts the narrative. That and Gandalf admitted that he made errors, because sometimes people make errors.

      • http://www.facebook.com/razvan.ghita.14 Razvan Ghita

        Ahm ok ok, I was just giving the an example of the top of my head. Didn’t really give it that much thought but the main point was that there are other movies out there deserving of a review.

    • Mark Rodkin

      Wrong, wrong you asshole, wrong. Plinkett is best when dissecting why movies work/don’t work through various aspects of filmmaking. That’s the real anal-sys, “not the tiny nitpicking about things” like plot elements, anyone can do that.

      • http://www.facebook.com/razvan.ghita.14 Razvan Ghita

        From all the reviews Plinkett made, the new star trek got a pass-ish and now Titanic. Other than that all of them got torn a new one. I think he is best at taking well known movies or series and explaining their faults. The focus was on movies that were known but failed in a number of aspects. Discussing why a movie works/doesn’t and if they were good is what Half in the Bag is all about. Plinkett should really focus on taking down the bad movies that are out there… At least that is my opinion.

        • guest

          NuTrek got a pass because, as he said, it wasn’t actually a Star Trek movie and was enjoyable as action shlock. The old TNG movies didn’t get a pass because while they marketed as traditional Trek movies, they betrayed the characters/spirit of the show and were hideously boring action shlock. He’s splitting those same hairs here. Titanic is an enjoyable movie, horrible story, somewhat cynically produced.

          Besides, there is nothing approaching the kind of nerd-rage brought on by the Prequels and the TNG movies in geeks over the age of 30. You can cite lots of recent movies that betrayed their source material, but none to the extent and on the scale of the ones he’s already done. What else out there would be worthy of the laser-guided anger of the Star Wars reviews?

  • BOBO

    What the fuck is wrong with Panera? Their bagels are fucking good. Fuck you Plinkett you pretentious asshole.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shorty-Lickens/1193601402 Shorty Lickens

    I wish I was as much as average. Oh well. Great review.

  • monskree

    My cat’s dick is stuck in my fleshlight. Please send help.

  • playdude92

    The world is your oyster, if you´re a con-artist.

    Then you can go deepsee-diving, driving a fancy yacht around the world and do whatever the hell you want.

  • stryker1121

    I love Cameron but Titanic and Avatar are such empty films when you get down to it. Stop hammering audiences over the head, James. We get it. You don’t like corporations or the elite.

    Nice work, Plinkett. The fleshlight bit was high-larious.

  • fuck

    u shoud review santa paws taht movie is good as fuck

  • http://www.facebook.com/joshua.lococo JoSherry Lococo

    good stuff, whens the next plinkett review ;-D

  • gfvhfry

    Harry how I have missed you.

  • Leo

    I’m confused about something…Didn’t they say that they liked Thor? I mean I don’t recall them raving about it or anything, but they said that they liked it at least. :-/

  • GeorgeLucas

    People like junk food and junk movies. It doesn’t make anyone retarded if they want to escape into a movie that allows them to set their brains to simmer. Not everyone wants to dig deep for a film.

    • MikeHunt

      I agree with you,George. Life is hard enough without having to deal with some pretentious film when you’re just trying to relax and enjoy a fun film.

    • Alec

      You’re probably on the wrong website then. I like a dumb movie every now and again, but it’s nice to have your eyes opened to stuff, and a smarter film doesn’t have to be inaccessible to people who want to just turn off their brains for two hours. I think a good film should be accessible on both ends of that demographic. For instance all the things Plinkett suggested to add depth to the characters would hardly have impeded anyone’s enjoyment of the film, it would have just made it better. By the way, please don’t be angry at my response. I don’t mean to insult or agitate, just to defend a site I love very much.

      • morris

        Agreed. I can’t stand it when people think thinking isn’t fun.

    • guest

      I think the point here was that it wouldn’t have been all that difficult to keep to the same simple story AND have good characters. Cameron’s biases, the ones that utterly ruined Avatar, are on display here in more subtle ways, and prevented a better story from being told. The review’s not saying people are idiots for liking a simple, linear story, but rather for getting so wound up in one-dimensional, lazily-written characters and happenings.

  • dav

    Aw yes!!!

  • Colonel Schwarze

    His name is James (James) Cameron! The Bravest Pioneer! No budget too steep, no sea too deep! (Who’s that?) It’s him! James Cameron! James Cameron! Explorer of the Sea! With a dying thirst to be the first! (Could it be?) Yeah it’s him! James Cameron!

  • Astor

    what’s happening?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Duckworth/100000452680806 Michael Duckworth

    Thank you for exposing DiCaprio and Natalie Portman as the hack actors they are, or at least sharing that opinion. More people need to hear that.

  • Karl

    Completely brilliant! Especially the part about how stupid average people’s taste is, and how depressing that is. Now excuse me while I go kill myself.

    • dennett316

      Yeah, how dare people just want to kick back and be entertained for a while after a hard weeks work/binge drinking….those ignorant cunts. Everyone must be thinking about complex issues all the time or they’re just wasting their time…damn frivolous enjoyment, it’s for the birds. If every movie isn’t Brazil or some other “worthy” movie in the eyes of film snobs and critics, then it’s obviously worthless.

      • http://www.facebook.com/trey.valeska Trey Valeska

        I think Mike looks at films as an art form. There is nothing wrong with that. Some people view movies as merely entertainment and that’s fine too. But out of love for the art of cinema it’s natural to be defensive of it, especially when mindless escapism attempts to play at being art.

        • Mister_Misinformed

          Mike looks at films as an art form and gives a positive review to “Cowboys and Aliens?” Nah.

      • Bassbait

        Wait… so your logic is that films are allowed to be crappy because binge drinkers deserve to be entertained too? I’m lost.

        Anyways, response: all forms of entertainment are overrated. People should revert back to the stone age and entertain themselves with mindless sex and violence. Oh wait, what am I saying?

  • kenroyall

    Great job once again! I pretty much agree with everything you said although I wasn’t as impressed with the technical stuff. The dialog sucked, I didn’t care about Rose and Jack at all, and draining the humanity from several of the characters ruined the film for me.

    Cameron’s class warfare bullshit felt real out of place and he slandered some pretty decent Americans to get his asinine point across. Of course they aren’t alive to defend themselves which is convenient for him. I pretty much hate the film (and Cameron) for those reasons.

    Keep up the good work! I will be donating to your cause.

    • General Grievance

      Class war rages on in America whether u want to admit it or not….maybe u will realize that once one man is a trillionaire and the rest of us are making $10,000 year or less. But hopefully people will not allow shit to get that extreme.

      • echosyst

        I don’t think I denied class warfare exists. I am saying it is mostly BS. Tearing down the rich doesn’t help me one bit. Rich people have done far more for me than government ever has. Their investments provide me with employment to feed my family along with products and services I willingly consume. Government takes my money by force and wastes it. We need MORE rich people in this country, they are not the enemy. They are funding the majority of the total tax burden as well.

      • Super Guest

        Paranoid much? You do know James Cameron is a multi-billionaire, right? And that all his 1930s Polish shipyard politics makes him a hypocrite, right? Take a breath, there’s not a limited supply of money, one person having a trillion dollars doesn’t mean there’s less money for the rest of us. In the 1920s there was like 3 billionaires and most people had no money whatsoever. Now there’s hundreds of billionaires and people are much better off (in terms of money in there pockets) than at any other point in human history. Perspective. “Class war” is utter bollocks.

        • Super Guest

          *money in their pockets

          • General Grievance

            Income inequality is growing in the United States. The question is how much worse are we going to let income inequality get? Four members of the Walton family (owners of Walmart) are EACH in the top ten list of the wealthiest Americans, yet the average annual salary of a Walmart sales associate is $15,500 a year. That’s already too extreme of an economy for me to accept it. What would be too extreme for Super Guest or echosyst?

        • General Grievance

          If a wealthy filmmaker leads us to question why we allow a huge gap between rich and poor, then I thank him for it. He has made movies that are against his own interest. Not many people are willing to do that.

  • Claudia King

    Awesome review as usual. I’ve always loved Titanic because I put it in the same box as something like, say, a Disney movie. It’s brilliantly made, easy to watch, has an emotional core that tugs at your heartstrings, but it’s simplistic, at times pandering, and not overly challenging. It’s a fantastic product that does exactly what it says on the tin, and in that regard I’d say it’s near perfection. I think enjoyment of a movie like this relies on having the right expectations. Titanic isn’t high art, but it is incredibly entertaining and quality film making.

  • Rosco

    Plinkett, you sir are a gentleman and a scholar.

  • http://twitter.com/Ninth_Prince Lord Nine

    Well done as usual guys. Was a bit disappointed at first with the movie selection but you showed me how fucking stupid I was. Just like Cop Dog.

    Looking forward to Trek 5. It’s going to be great.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ronindave Ronin Dave

    Is Titanic a movie that will last the ages to be remember like The Godfather, Citizen Kane or pop culture classics like Star Wars, King Kong (30s version) or will it slowly fade over time as fewer and fewer people watch it?

    I think what saves the film is when it focuses on the tragedy and the real people involved and what ruins it is the one-dimensional love story and fictional characters. Do you really think someone would have asked if the lifeboats would be separated by class when the ship was going down?

  • Duckler

    Damn, that is a LOT of sparks…

  • Havi-eh?

    I’m 98% sure that there are clips from the other Titanics seamlessly interspersed during clips from James Cameron’s Titanic.

  • Duckler

    I had forgotten about that annoying little shit from Growing Pains until now. The girl, not Kirk Cameron. Okay, him too.

  • Mk Ultra

    I’ve never seen this movie. Only bits on it on tv. No spoilers please!
    oh…

  • MisterGuy

    This was great Plinkett. It’s good to see another review where you point out a lot of positive stuff, the haters were painting you as a negative nancy. The main point is you’re giving fair reviews, there just happen to be a plethora of shite movies. The terrible jokes were spot on and I wasn’t even expecting the tie-in to the Plinkett backstory, always figured the ‘being on the titanic’ thing was just a one-off comment.

    Get off your fucking lazy ass and give us more reviews you piece of shit, no one cares about you sleeping / eating / drinking.

  • Raahhhhhhh!

    Not a bad review but I couldn’t really get into this one I’m
    afraid. Reviews are best done with movies that deserve a good pounding!! Like
    every remake of a classic, or Dumb films such as Twilight, Terminator 4 – the
    Black & White film, or films that gave a shit about cgi more than anything
    else like The Matrix, Blade, A-Team, etc. The Titanic was a good film because
    the music was very melodic & defined, as were the visuals. And the moment
    you involve a dumb love story, all the women obsess over it.
    Music is powerful though. Diamonds are Forever is the Worst Bond Film of all
    time, but people remember it as a classic so much because of Barry’s stunning score.

    • Robby

      I disagree about reviews only needing to be done for movies that are horrible in many aspects. This review is fascinating in the same way that the Star Trek ’09 review is. In the latter, the point that is hammered in is that Hollywood is a soulless machine that recycles its own shit and keeps pumping it out, and how it’s propagated by all of the people who continue to support those films by going to see them. Whereas this review points out how one or two things that some people might find very annoying in an otherwise good movie can retroactively effect your perception of whether or not you liked a movie. I think Mike could have gone even further here as well, exploring how when average moviegoers start talking about the shallow reasons why they liked a film like this, it becomes easier for more discerning fans of film to not want to agree the film was good overall, as if you would then be agreeing on the basis of the as stated shallow reasoning.

      It’s the same with most bad movies. The Twilight franchise was bad, but what makes these kinds of bad movies deplorable is the people who are such fervent fans. The rational part of me doesn’t need to watch or pay attention to anything Twilight-related, but when one of the girls I work with calls the series of movies “legendary,” the rational part is supplanted by the emotional part that wants to tell her the movies are godawful messes and she’s a dumb retard for liking them. It’s silly, because what she likes doesn’t affect me at all, but because I know her and people like her who are so shallow and immature, if she mentioned she liked a movie I really liked, it would probably add negative color to my outlook on that film.

      All of this to say that even intelligent and discerning fans of film can be petty and exaggerate the negative aspects of a movie, even if it’s only to distance themselves from “mongoloids” who liked it cause the love story was rilly gud.

  • marcedward

    OMG – it’s so cool anticipating a new Plinkett review. In seconds I’ll be watching it.

  • Ringo

    Brilliant, as always

  • Kyle

    The Ending had me tears with the space ship, Plinkett’s dad in a suitcase and the Captain “getting-off” pun

  • Guest

    Yes… yes… must feed…… thank you master……

  • relicoffering

    Best ever, man.

  • BionicPizzaRoll

    All that waiting for the next fricken review and this is what you give us, friggin Titanic?

    Review sci fi movies you douche. Enough attention is given to these mindless mainstream bullshit movies. You know your fans are nerds, so give us the geek review goodness you know we want.

    Review something like lord of the rings or one of the comic book movies (batman/avengers/etc.), or more star wars or star trek or some other sci fi/fantasy shit… Not some bullshit like Titanic or Cop Dog or Baby’s Day Out, what the hell? Now get it right next time, get to it, chop chop

    • General Grievous

      Cop Dog and Baby’s Day Out reviews were fucking hilarious!

  • dfajghgsadjk

    When’s the next Plinkett review… of a movie that isn’t mainstream bullshit? Titanic? You know your nerdy fans want sci fi movies and stuff.

    • guest

      Yeah! When is he going to get back to reviewing weird experimental underground films like Star Wars?

  • Guest

    We want more Half in the Bag you fat lazy hack! No one cares about the Plinkett reviews!

    (…get it guys, I did like, a reverse thing?)

    • http://www.facebook.com/therobrose Rob Rose

      I just did that jeez,… way to be SOOOOO 15 seconds ago

    • nebakhet

      lol it’s like when I get things backwards and put my thing in the wrong person

  • 01coolwhip

    First time i ever made popcorn to watch a Review! :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-Fumero/100000153843491 Kevin Fumero

    I love Titanic! I’m glad to see this wasn’t a biased hateful review, it points out the great and the bad and why theres no real reason why it should be hated as much as it is by certain people. It tries so much harder than other movies do. Great review! When’s the next Plinkett review??

  • Ricky

    Plinkett is like an university. Booooring.
    Just kidding of course, review’s the tits!!

  • guest

    i forgot! That Bill Paxton played the scientist in the modern day search part of Titanic.
    Game over man, game over!

  • Dipshit

    Lost in translation is just as pretentious and nauseating as Garden State!…….

  • hotdogsam

    whens the next half in the bag?

  • Leo Ladenson

    What I liked about this review was the amazing score.

    Get down on it, get down on it, get down on it.

  • Sean

    RLM, you really did an excellent job with this review. I thought you were a little to critical of DeCaprio, but the scenes from previous films, which us have taken forever to collect was eye-opening. I am still patiently waiting for a review of The Last Airbender, especially considering when a show originally aimed at children was ten times better then a big-budget movie. M. Shamamalama is bring us After Earth with Will Smith though, and i’m expecting some Avatar or other James Cameron alien film rip-offs.

  • Monkey Boy

    Scarlett Johansson can barely act, Don’t know why you rate her. Up until The Avengers (which she was average in) the film that put her career back on track, she had been living off the back of her performance in Lost in Translation. A good film where Murray puts in the better performance. She had been good in Ghost world before that. But since then she has been rubbish in rubbish films. Her performance in The Nanny Diaries is so bad its embarrassing.

    Natalie Portman is somewhat one-dimensional and has little in the way of range but she’s better than Johansson.

    • Dicksaplenty Smith

      and you did not see the Prestige did you?

    • Whoosh

      See how her image was positioned when it came on screen. Think of other meanings of the word ‘talent’. Then, apply face to palm!

      I’m just teasing, it confused me for a bit too.

  • Yer Face

    I saw Hugo and didn’t like it. I guess my IQ is lower than I originally believed. But besides that bit of bad news, pretty spot-on review of a semi-crappy movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/therobrose Rob Rose

    WHEN’S THE NEXT HALF IN THE BAG REVIEW???

  • Jake Mandes

    So people enjoy a simple story and a spectacle, so they’re dumb? Wait no, average. Which means dumb.

    That’s way too dismissive for me, especially when coming from the guy who loves the original Star Wars trilogy. Is the defining point between you and everyone else that you know how simple the story is? Who’s to say the “masses” don’t know it either?

    For the record, I think Titanic is decent enough. I just wanted more than “people are stupid”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=779140843 Ben Pratt

    You can’t use the term “analsys” without the Spock reaction shot. I’m so sorry.

  • rich evans

    Mama Mia, I got-a crushed-a

  • Chris

    I just wanted to let you guys know, I got a violent bloody nose watching this review. Thank you, I have needed one as a result of film for a long time.

  • Painted Chips

    Ahh, as always I love you Plinkett.

  • Part-time Archaeologist

    Meh .. was hoping for a Twilight review.

    The problem with ‘Titanic’ is that the source has not much material to make fun out of.

    Informative: yes.
    fun: not quite so .. i think i laughed 2 times.

    Isnt the ultimate goal of the Plinkett reviews,
    making us laugh as an audience while analyzing the sheer stupidity of some movies .. (Twilight, Birdemic, The Room, etc .. so much fun material to explore, Mike!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/louis.puketza Louis Puketza

    [Mr. Plinkett voice] Waitaminute. Dis guy’s in a *wheelchair*. I’ll let dat sink in fawr a sekind. Hmm-hmm-hmm. Ahkay, time’s up, people. What’s da big deal about Mr. Plinkett bein’ in a wheelchair, you might ask? Howz’he gonna capture all deze victims ‘n’ shit if he’s in a wheelchair? I mean we sawr bones in his frickin’ basement and him f**ckin’ a cat–so anywayz, I just wanted to point out dat I doubt very highly that he could capture all deze victims all by himself. Maybe he haz a roomate off camera we never see, like maybe a Leathaface of hiz own? Anyway, back to the review…

  • Uncle Marty

    Thank you for not playing that bloody boat song. Not even once.

  • CorbeauNoir

    I find it unfortunate that second class always seems to get ignored or brushed aside as far as Titanic material is concerned. They were the passengers that would probably be the most relatable to us.

  • Jared

    Got a little boring in the criticism section because… well, there’s not much to criticize. Nothing more than pretty much any other film out there. Any more realistic would have been a distraction from the main event. It’s a movie about the ship sinking. JC knew exactly what he was doing, and as a result made boatloads of cash.

    I wouldn’t say it’s a mystery as to why it was so popular. General audiences are, in fact, into the technical aspects. They appreciated the realism of everything. It was a movie everyone had to see at least once, if for no other reason than the technical marvel of it, both FX-wise and historically. And it was DAMN suspenseful– moreso than anyone was prepared for, I think. I mean, as if the threat of the ship sinking wasn’t enough– they throw everything at you. And it’s pretty hard to not get emotionally impacted by such a tragedy. That’s all it is, really– it shows you all kinds of pretty and amazing things and people, and then you watch it all be destroyed. If it wasn’t based on a true story, it would seem downright sadistic. When this is juxtaposed with a pretty damn hot lead couple, pushing the PG-13 rating to its limits, you have about as emotional a movie as you can get.

    So it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. So what? Like you said, people’s dislike turned to hate only because of how popular and successful it was. This includes the ending song, which was appropriately emotional and sappy. So you’d have kept the original poster??? Jeez, people need something nice to focus on, other than the horrible aspect of the ship going down!

    Funniest bits, of course, were comparisons with George Lucas. Hahahaha… poor Lucas.

  • pedofilepolitician

    I’m so sick of Careboars.

    • Mark Rodkin

      OK boss!

  • Uncultured Aussie

    I never really thought of James Cameron as a great director… but maybe he is! Showing his enthusiasm and hands on approach in this video, then contrasting that with George Lucas just sitting in his chair in his big green-screen studio, passionless, inscrutable, was almost more devastating than the entire Plinkett Star Wars review series. Of course, that scene of Lucas was only seconds long, but you really get the feeling he spent most of the time filming the prequels sitting in that chair.

    Sorry Harry. You do a brand new review and some of us still just want to talk about Star Wars! Hope you do The Hobbit. You can point out how Tolkein thoroughly disapproved of the obsessiveness of his fans, and in the modern parlance, would have told them to “get a life”.

  • Derick

    God, RLM has gotten pretentious. Implying that they are smarter than 99% of the people, and that the guy who directed Saving Private Ryan a hack. Oh, plus apparently Leo a bad actor? Is Plinkett in cahoots with the academy, they hate Leo too. Maybe you guys should review Catch me if you Can next, it’s directed by a hack and stars a Leonado di Caprio who doesn’t get angry and isn’t retarded, so that movie must be awful. But hey i like Hugo, so I guess I’ll give you that.

    • Bob

      Well, you’re clearly BELOW average if you misinterpreted Plinkett this horribly. Notice how he says “we’re” mostly average. He’s including himself in there. And he doesn’t say Spielberg’s a hack; he says he’s a smart filmmaker that understands how to appeal to the widest audience possible. Way to misunderstand just about everything completely.

      • Derick

        He says that he liked the movie for different reasons than 99% of the people and then lists why the dumb masses would like it, but thanks for the personal attack anyway.

  • Dareka

    Hmm….I see a little bit of Honest Trailer influence there….

  • Bobo

    (clap clap clap) bravo (clap clap clap) bravo

    Hey listen, star trek 5 review would be an absolute wet dream. You simply must read the novelisation before completing that review. The history behind final frontier makes that film a total pass in my book

  • ReggyGDI

    This fucking thing SUCKES. I get 2 mins into part 2 then it skipes to that FUCKING ADESS ADD. At lest 20 times I’ve tried it now.

    WHAT THE FUCK. NOW IT GETS 2 SEC IN AND THAT FUCKING ADESS ADD AGEN. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

    OOOOOOO FUCK YOU SANTA YOU FAT FUCK. GIVE ME PART 2. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I WONT PART 2 GOD DAME IT.

    It can’t SHOW ME PART 2 , BUT that FUCKING ADESS ADD I CAN SEE 20 MORE TIMES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD DAME IT.

    NO NOT SANTA AGEN. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
    FUCK IT TRY AGEN LATER. FUCK.fuck.fuck. god dame it.This fucking thing SUCKES.

    • cacalips

      I am in EU and it works fine for me. It must be your crap internet. Kill yourself in th spare time as the Internet tech arrives to your house if you can.

  • bean

    We are all….average..

    Dammit.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Arieldono Ariel Vildósola

    Post the videos on youtube, cant watch it here =(

  • http://www.facebook.com/dimitrios.papadimitriou1 Dimitrios Papadimitriou

    meh..

  • John

    Disappointing. Had a few chuckles but overall was nothing close to other Plinkett reviews.

  • Sisko fans are d-bags

    If you sell your screwed up, billion dollar space opera, then internet guys should stop making fun of you…

    Ohh.

  • Sully

    I’d toss Cameron into the genius category. He’s invented a lot of the technology needed to make his movies; movies he makes in order to fund his own private non-hollywood expeditions, so we know he’s gotta have some kind of free-thinking mush in that bearded mellon.
    He writes simple characters and simple stories full of grand sets and visuals because he knows that’s what makes money. He’s not an artist, he’s a peddler to the masses. The proof is in the box office numbers he manages to bring in, and the fact that 80% of the movies he’s made are now considered *classics*.
    He’s not exactly the King of the World, but he is the King of the Popcorn Flick; something Bay has been trying to achieve his entire career.

  • Lee

    I am so glad you guys chose Titanic. This movie is perfect subject matter for a Plinket analysis neat followup to the Avatar review

  • N.D.

    Dear Mr. Plinkett,

    I would thoroughly enjoy it, if you, sir, could find yourself in the mood to review the Twlight movies.

    Cheerioh!

    N.D.

  • Doug Ackbar

    How could you shit on Celine Dion like that? She is the female Christ and Mohammed in one fantastic super woman. That is how I know the heart will go on!

  • Andrew

    MORE! MORE!

  • Andrea

    Never seen Monster’s Ball, I’ll check it.

  • herold

    Wow, after Avatar and Star Trek 2009 you have discovered a third movie which is only made (and this most effectivly, with effort and professional) for maximum money return and lacks some deeper film-maker art while aimed at the average cinema-going viewer…
    How great!

  • Guest

    David Warner is also great in The Omen, Time Bandits, and the Man with Two Brains.

    • Mark Rodkin

      What are the Federations defense plans for Minos Korva?

      • Luke John

        THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS

  • http://www.facebook.com/NSGrendel Gareth Eckley

    Titanic is the only film that has ever made me walk out of a cinema. I’m am so excited to watch this new review that I would have an erection, if only I could sustain one when not dismembering co-eds.

  • NotTheWhosTommy

    Man.. you guys were way too harsh on DiCaprio. Otherwise, really good review.

  • FaKing

    Imagine if they re-make this Titanic in 10-20 years…Audiences are even dumber now, than they were….There is not enough pizza rolls in the universe to endure an even moar dumberer Titanic….Or wait set the Titanic re-make in the future…IN SPACE!!!!

  • chris

    Really enjoyed this. I like how you present both sides… and I’m a sucker for a “let’s all point at laugh at Jorge” gag.

  • tobi

    Another great review. Thanks Mr. Plinkett!

  • dellaroccokc

    Where the Star Trek V Plinkett Review?

  • James B

    Plinkett, review Inception !!

  • http://www.facebook.com/christopher.g.luce Christopher G. Luce

    congrats on getting mentioned on the opie and anthony show

  • Murderin Murphy

    I sat next to James Cameron’s parents while watching this movie.

    True story.

    Afterwards, I punched his mother in the uterus.

    Fake story.

  • Broke

    The commercials are bloking your video. I’m from France if that’s of any help.

  • Seppö

    I have to agree with Plinkett about Leonardo DiCaprio. I never got his appeal. Leo is actually the only problem I had with Inception. Anyhoo, this was a good review and the UFO at the end was golden!
    BTW; does anybody remember Raise the Titanic? It was the first movie I ever saw and I can’t remember shit about it. Was it any good? I know that it was a massive flop at the box office…

  • http://www.facebook.com/phil.laycock.94 Phil Laycock

    Spot on. The only thing I disagree with is what you said about the necklace. It’s one of those plot points that in most things are what is driving the story, but in Titanic, it becomes a subplot. This is what Hitchcock called a “McGuffin”. The best comparison I can think of to the necklace in Titanic is the microfilm in North by Northwest. That aside, I loved every bit of your review.

  • Matthew

    So once again you expound on the fact that the public as a whole is stupid and then complete the review with low brow humor and a fleshlight joke. This is another fuck you to us isn’t it?

  • Turdtanic

    He was 6 when the Titanic sank ,so Plinkett is 106 years old.Fascinating

  • Deathtotheswiss

    Brilliant.

  • xfilmmaker

    Wow I completely disagree about Leonardo Dicaprio. I think he’s a great actor, and has been since before Titanic(See: The Basketball Diaries). He’s gonna kill it in Django Unchained. I was honestly surprised when Plinkett said Kate Winslet was good and Dicaprio was bad. It’s the exact opposite. Kate Winslet is horrible in Titanic and Dicaprio is one of the better parts. Man, I’m bummed that RedLetterMedia doesn’t seem to like Dicaprio. Well that’ll change when they see Django Unchained.

    • INCREDIBLYOFFENDED

      Watch Eternal Sunset of the Spotless Mind. You’ll likely take back that “Kate Winslet is horrible” statement (and any possible reservations about Jim Carrey’s acting ability).

      • xfilmmaker

        I have seen Eternal Sunset of the Spotless mind. I never said Kate Winslet wasn’t a good actress period. I just said that she was horrible in Titanic. And yes that’s a great film. Why would I have any reservations about Jim Carrey’s acting? He already proved with Truman Show that he has the chops.

  • truestorybro

    Aculy, Leo started out retarted, then after the success of that Grape movie he could afford cognitive therapy. Natalie Portman went the other way and now she’s married to a millipede.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pandrew.pelmonte Pandrew Pel Monte

    What’s the Biggie remix that they play at the end of all of their reviews? I’m sorry if this has been asked before.

  • Switkh

    Yes! Old Plinkett is back and as good as ever.

  • dicksaplenty Smith

    How was Thor a flop?

  • Theale

    The one thing I was surprised by is how this review completely seemed to ignore the Leonardo DiCaprio “teen heartthrob” factor in why this movie was so popular — I mean, RLM did a review of the Twilight films so I’m surprised how Mike could fail to mention the box office punch of smitten teen girls. Frankly, the reason this movie did so well where others failed can be summed up in two things:

    1. Action/special effects
    2. Sex appeal

    Lightning in a jar my ass.

    However the point about bell curves and how financially successful media targets “the average person” (because there are more of them) was absolutely spot on. However I can see it offending some people :)

  • JDDD

    Damnit, I was expecting a review of Black Monster Cocks 2

  • Pico

    Did Plinkett “Come out” in this review? In an earlier review, he clearly fucked the shit out of his cat. And now, in this review, during the phone call with the online merchant, he exclaims that his cat was fucking the flesh-light. That must mean his cat is a male (I assume this is the same cat he fucked). I guess that begs the question… Does fucking a male cat make you gay?

  • iZoe

    Nice to see Plinkett is still a homicidal maniac.

  • bb-15

    Big-budget movies are not aimed at the average person in the United States. Big-budget movies focus on the average person who goes to a movie theater in the US. That is very different.

    The average age of a person in the United States is about 37 years old.

    The average age of a movie goer in the US is between 15 and 18 years old.

    * Typical people in US movie theaters are teenagers. That is why characters in big budget movies like the Cameron films are so simplistic.

    Adults who want more complexity with less black and white characters stay home and watch cable channels like HBO or Showtime.

  • supr_g

    I enjoy Plinkett reviews on bad movies, and movies that are generally overlooked and are seemingly good on first glance but actually suck when you think about it. But honestly, Titanic is a monster film and I have nothing bad to say about it. It won Oscars and Cameron became a bajillionaire off it. Therefore this review is not one of my favourites and I’m disappointed you picked Titanic to review Mr. Mike… err I mean Plinkett.

  • Some Guy

    Mediocrity wins and excellence falls on deaf ears. Welcome to reality of entertainment.

    A telling conclusion in what might be the best Plinkett review yet of what is perhaps the most perfectly mediocre film ever (behind Avatar). It was also fucking hilarious.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.longden Mark Longden

    Was that a very brief shot of Cheri Oteri in there?

  • Jakoporeeno

    Where’s the Black monster dicks 3 review?

  • Twinkie Defense

    What did you do with the Navi body? Can I have it?

  • http://twitter.com/Patrick_PHA13 Patrick Allen

    Well that was great!

    … When’s the next Half in the Bag?

  • Jason

    No reference to the Goebbels’-approved 1943 version of Titanic?

  • LUV_SW_PREQUELS

    This was great Plinkett. Nice to see a review with a lot of positivity as the haters try say you’re too negative. Wasn’t even expecting the tie-in to the Plinkett backstory, figured that ‘I was on the titanic’ comment was just a one off. Best review yet, exceeded my expectations 4 sure.

    Therefore; get off your lazy ass and give us more reviews, no one cares about you sleeping / drinking

  • Ryan McKeon

    Ah Mr. Plinkett, no matter how much you pretend to be a dick, the reality here is you’re actually being ridiculously kind by not just calling a Spade a Spade; James straight up ripped off other Titanic movies, Leo sucks at acting (a cowboy accent when his character was just finished touring Europe and New York, PFFFT), and even Cam’s best film T2, is technically just one long-ass chase scene. Pearl Harbor actually made a lot of money, and 2x its budget in dvd sales, so just because Titanic mad a lot more $$ doesn’t actually make audience intelligent for buying into it. So the real moral of the story? Higher education needs to be free and the punishment for doing bad in college is you need to stay in longer, or else our race is never going to overcome retardation, while education is just used to up the egos of kids with two parents. Booya

    • Deacon

      Higher education does not equal intelligence and your accent doesn’t change based on where you are traveling.

  • X_P_U_N_X

    When’s the next half in the bag review

  • Debao

    Are you going to do a review of good movies?
    One of PTA’s maybe.

  • Murderin Murphy

    Squish box.

  • http://twitter.com/OliverSchning Oliver Schöning

    Next Review: Dark City.

    Praised by movie snobbs..
    I just saw it and its total slack!
    Shitty Pacing, lifeless acting and a total. “Oh well, I guess this happens now” policy..

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000185278075 Абдуррахман Ириыарраклиев

    after 1000 years! lo! we have a plinkett review!!

  • Dramaqueen

    I think i now prefer HitB. Huh. I miss cute scruffy little Jay.

  • Bai Curius

    When’s the next Half in the Bag review?

  • Spike

    There is a very strong disconnect with even fat, ancient Mr. Plinkett’s review here. One cannot praise direction and passion, and then in the same breath criticize acting and script-writing and performance. Making a movie is very difficult. Directing actors and setting up shots and hiring the right light technicians… holy shit a huge movie like Titanic seems impossible if you think about it!!

    If you want to give an honest, intellectual review of why people do or don’t like James Cameron’s version of Titanic you will need to consider not only the silly script, but also what good writing actually consists of. For God’s sake, please read a Dickensian classic or Tolstoy novel before deciding that a movie should be on par with what only good writing can provide.

    To this day the best thing I have ever read was Alexandre Dumas’ The Three Musketeers; and it is not because of literary fancy. I actually believe that is one of the best pieces of storytelling ever fit into a book. No Three Musketeers film I have seen ever really captures the arrogance of D’Artagnan or the naked sorrow that he feels when he comes to realize that all of his much sought after glory amounts to nothing more than a political game. Don’t criticize something as being shallow when you yourself are attempting to introduce the masses to these ideas with the same shallow imagery and storytelling that you praise.

    Writers are poor, and so are most actors. James Cameron and Michael Bay are successful for reasons outside of art. They do have a passion, and it does involve film making… and we all enjoy it in the movie house. Come to grips with your medium… Adam Sandler is incredibly rich and we all paid his way!! Fucking travesty.

    • guest

      “One cannot praise direction and passion, and then in the same breath criticize acting and script-writing and performance.”

      That makes absolutely no sense. Of course you can! What kind of a retarded complaint is that?

  • Mr. Mind

    I was…. underwhelmed :<

  • http://www.facebook.com/sohaib.jamil1 Sohaib Jamil

    I feel so let down right now. After all that wait, you pick Titanic?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

    The next Plinkett review has to be for the Dark Knight Rises. Honestly I think the Phantom Menace is a better movie than that piece of shit.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003335606576 John Smith

    FUCK YOU HARRY! JODIE FOSTER IS A HORRIBLE FUCKING ACTRESS!

    • Robby

      I was thinking the exact same thing. The only movie I liked her in is The Accused. She’s terrible.

  • http://twitter.com/kennyhotts Kenny Hotts

    SKWISHBOXX

  • http://www.facebook.com/jake.werkmeister Jake Werkmeister

    Most excellent review, as always. I always wondered why that cop’s head was bleeding. What happened to his Faaaace? Keep up the good work Mike.

  • mr. Plinkett’s nephew

    When is the next Half in the Bag review?

  • Johnbo

    Titanic? Seriously?

  • guy!

    I have to see Jay’s “Horse Vomit” again. I really have to.

  • quest

    Plinkett should return to his Suckability Index, and review the movie behind Cop Dog and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull… The Last Airbender.

  • Funnyname

    Hold the fuck on, I thought the whole chicken’n’egg paradigm lead to a fecal urgency. You are making my head hurt.

  • Mr T

    if you want to say the characters are flat the right word is TWO – Dimensional.
    Check your facts before you say something, asshole!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jubal-Biggs/686455551 Jubal Biggs

    Plinkett thinks John Carter was a bad movie? Why? I don’t get it.

    • nebakhet

      john carter was a president not a movie

  • http://www.facebook.com/john.yaple.3 John Yaple

    Damn Plinketts wife had a nice rack… but damn that butterface…

  • PalaceOfWisdom

    Hey, anybody knows the name of the track playing in the backghround of part 2 from 9:45 to 11:05?

  • sigaba

    Yay Yankee Doodle Dandy.

    And what is this defending Hugo?

  • http://www.facebook.com/supergeek2004 Craig Pierrot

    Hey, anyone notice the newspapers that were shown at 24:20 in Part 2 of the review? On the left side, he displayed the 9/11/2012 edition of the NYTimes, but look at one of the headlines:

    “New York Is Lagging as Seas And Risks Rise, Critics Warn
    —————————————————————————————-
    590-Mile Coast and Subways Seen as Vulnerable”

    Hurricane/SuperStorm Sandy DID EXACTLY THIS once it hit on 10/28, just a month and two weeks later.

    That…is fucking CREEEEEEEPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYY! WOW!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joel.yeomans Joel Yeomans

    When the hell is the next damn Half in the Bag! Wtf!

  • Fleshlight Service Rep

    Man I feel like i just watched the Star Trek Generations of the Plinkett reviews. Instead of getting a funny well thought out review of a movie that is bad but critics, the director and studios says is great. we got this. Wheres the visceral destruction of the movie? We got 30 minutes of praising the movie followed by a weak kick in the pants of the movie. It’s hard to tear into a movie that 90% liked and the rest were indifferent to it. Wheres the reviews we were teased at the end of the Indiana Jones and the crystal meth review? No Matrix, no Red Tails, no Twilight, no Terminator Salvation, hell I think I would have taken one on Larry the wonder dog. Instead we got this shlock. Did someone give Mr. Plinkett medication to be nicer? I can’t believe I waited years to get this.

    • Adam Vaga

      Yeah it is hard to hate Titanic, it is actually a very well made and well paced film with very competent directors and producers, and did exactly what they designed it to do. It was even one of those rare gems you can take your lady friend to without being bored out of your mind yourself.

      Many other movies definitely deserve a proper bashing over this one. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter could easily be a total destruction review…I know some liked it, but as a film it is a sloppy, incoherent, emotionless, badly paced, shit show of a movie.

  • Reginald van der Slythe III

    Jesus, “To Catch a Yeti”!?! On the one hand I want someone here at RLM to review it…on the other hand, I wouldn’t wish that horrible fucking movie on anyone. I’m so torn!

    • Guest

      They did review it, on Half in the bag.

      • Reginald van der Slythe III

        They did?…wait, it’s in their B-Fest 2012 write-up, isn’t it? I forgot they were there. I’m sad I didn’t get to meet them.

  • Werner Herzog

    I believe that the film was accurate in its portrayal of doom and the fleeting insignificance of human relationships. The monstrous size and crushing weight of the iceberg show the ambivalence of the chaos of nature as opposed to our own fantastical sense of immortality. But for the most part, the movie was a stinker, as is my fiend, Herr Plinkett.

  • Robby

    Quiet you dirty hippie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elecore1 Ed LeCore

    Space aliens? I knew it!

  • Sinatra

    Taft, you fuck!

  • http://twitter.com/DEsboldt Dan Esboldt

    Wait…what if Cameron’s off his rocker because the box office success of his movies and award winning streak means he can’t make any movie less than as close to both perfect and marketable to hit the same markers. Success brought on by competitors, to teach him a lesson for so aggressively seeking the title of all time champ.

  • MatthewMelange

    Kind of a bleh review. Not as groundbreaking. But I don’t know if rlm will ever capture lightning in a bottle twice. It’s a shame that these reviews come out once a year.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kyle.conatser13 Kyle Conatser

    I’m a little disappointed in this review. Where’s the horrible movies we were teased from Indiana Jones? Don’t get me wrong, the review was thoughtful and interesting, but it wasn’t as funny as the old Star Wars and Trek reviews. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Titantic aren’t great movies, but they’re nowhere near as bad as the other movies RLM has done. I’m still waiting for a return to form. Go back to reviewing totally terrible movies, that’s what we want to see!

  • Banjo

    I was seriously expecting him to use something of the amazing fake “Titanic: Two the Surface” trailer at the end. Really interesting to see Mike cover a film he clearly doesn’t outright hate, instead looking at strengths and weaknesses. Especially LOVED the editing of the “similarities” of several Titanic movies (one of my fave previous things was the Nemesis/Austin Powers edit the same way). The fakeNaavi bit had me laughing pretty hard, I’ll admit. It’s been too long since the last Plinkett review. Here’s hoping for Star Trek 5 or something else a bit sooner. I’d suggest the Resident Evil films if Mike and co. hadn’t nearly *died* watching them all recently. :)

  • joe

    Can you have a movie with amazing visuals where the script sucks ass and say, “Well it was made for the dummies”? I remember seeing the movie in the theatre when
    I was 18 and laughing at the Monet and Freud dialogue (she’s so much smarter
    than everyone else!), yet watching the ship sinking thinking that this is freaking
    amazing. I think the love story was purely cash related, after they sunk
    (hahahaha) that much money into it the studio probably told him he had to do it.
    At least the academy realized the limitations of Cameron’s writing on Avatar. He looked so pissed when it didn’t win every
    award.

  • JT

    This one left me a little “meh”.
    I agree that the film is technically well made. However, the acting from the leads is horrible, the characters lack any feeling or depth and the history is flat out wrong in a lot of places in the film – while it gets the physical parts with the ship ok the parts involving actual historical people are crud and indeed offensive – no Titanic officer took bribes, shot passengers then shot themselves. One officer fired three shots into the air and that was all. Sorry, but “dramatic effect” does not license you to smear dead heroes (which Murdoch was).
    I guess I was hoping for Plinkett to hit the acting, characterization and historical inaccuracy issues more directly.

    • nebakhet

      not to mention the movie has no giant squid. they should have added the giant squid.

  • Chucky

    SLOW CLAP. So perfectly enumermated, my feelings exactly.

    Plinky, didn’t you see this flick in the theater? During my packed-house viewing, several women in the crowd openly wept.

    You may not remember. But your brain does.
    Chicks are suckers for this shit.

    • nebakhet

      titanic always reminds me of princess diana dying. just like the titanic everyone thought her car was indestructible until it hit a tunnel wall at 80mph and then everyone starts crying about how it affected them and someone makes a popular wailing song about it.

      • Chucky

        Yeah and the wailing song was a rip-off retcon of Elton John’s paean to Marilyn Monroe. We’re not even imaginative in our “mourning.” Just feed us crap and we’ll take it by the shovelful.

  • mondomolesto

    Wonderfully well thought out, and well argued video. Also entertaining as shit. I erect my penis to thee, sir.

    I always goddamn hated Titanic, but thought i was the only one. Also gassed a few women to death and thought that i was the only one.

  • Guest

    As much as I like Plinkett reviews and Half in the Bag, this one wasn’t great. It could have easily fitted into half of the time, overall too much joking, to little actual analysis. Maybe Mr. Plinkett’s field are scifi-movies, so this was something different. I enjoyed it though.

  • mrsjane

    Hi Guys! I was really surprised by the choice of the Titanic movie being reviewed when i first saw it up on the site. For most of my life, I considered Titanic to be one of my favorite movies. When I watched the review, I was amazed at how much I dismissed Leonardo DiCaprio’s poor line deliveries. The movie was just so enjoyable during the times I have watched it that I had really not thought about his acting afterward. In addition, I have to agree that Kate played her character naturally. She knew how to captivate our emotions and be natural with it. The actress who played her mother did an amazing job at being cynical and cold.

    You guys have also pointed out that much of the movie is focused on the couple; in opposition to the people sinking on the ship. There were so many of these things I have not noticed until watching this Plinkett review. I feel like I have really learned a lot from this review.

    Thank you!

  • gaargt

    Please make a Plinkett review of Lord of the Rings. I bet thousands are waiting for it!

    • nebakhet

      One does not simply make a review of Lord of the Rings

  • nebakhet

    i liked the bit where the man jumped off the big boat and hit the propeller

    I felt that moment profoundly captured the mortality of man and the danger of propellers.

  • nebakhet

    Lets not forget that “romantic” song by Celine Dion that got me in so much trouble with my girlfriend.

    TITANIC – MY HEART WILL GO ON – By Celine Dion

    Every night in my dreams,
    I see you, I feel you
    That is how I know you
    go onnnnnnnnn…….

    But apparently the message “happy birthday. I hope you go on.” is not romantic. it’s creepy enough to end a relationship apparently.

    TITANIC – MY HEART WILL CONTINUE OPERATING – By Nebakhet

    When I see you in my dreams I like to touch you with my fingers,
    so you must still be alive right? or maybe i am fingering a corpse
    because now I think about it I saw you drown after that boat sank

  • http://twitter.com/supernma Layton

    Mr. Plinkett = Zoidberg. This just occurred to me.

  • Pete

    Hey what a great review guys! Why don’t you review this movie too as it also inspired people around the globe! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_gngMAjIMc

  • http://twitter.com/LordSif Jett Theory

    Women can vote, but men can’t get on the lifeboats. Fuck that.

  • Just another guy

    I highly appreciate the message he gave at the end. Thanks you for all your hard work in making all the shows you do. It’s clear you are knowledgeable and observant. Thanks Plinkett!

  • Just another guy

    Great ending message. Loved it. Wish I could somehow make a difference. Also, “Sinatra, Taft, you fucks!”

  • mrsjane

    Hey guys! I really liked the review. When I first saw Titanic posted, I was very surprised. It was one of my favourite movies for many years. After seeing this review, It opened my eyes to the many things I had dismissed. Like the people dying on the ship, and Leonardo’s poor line deliveries. In addition, I really liked Kate’s acting and the actress who played her mother’s acting too. They got their roles spot on, and they knew how to drive the audience.

    I thought that the actor who played Cliff did a great job as being the abusive fiancee to the character Rose. However, I always wish he had a little bit of background to his character. We are not told why he is abusive towards Rose.

    I look at this movie in another light now. I feel educated as well.

    Thanks again for another great review!

  • markocms

    I’m sure they all weren’t little bitches (cut to the kid putting on the napkin on her lap).

    I had to pause to recover from laughter…

  • http://www.facebook.com/nathandavidwarren Nathan Warren

    I watched The Hobbit but Plinkett’s voice in my head wouldn’t let me enjoy it.

  • flyinpoptartcat

    loved it!

  • Chemical

    Enjoyable, but I think, rewatching many of your reviews, the reviews are better when you either really dislike the film, or in the case of Star Trek, The Star Trek, you really like it. But there is a bit of passion lacking in this review, enjoyable, and I know it was the biggest movie ever, but i don’t get or feel that you cared so much about this film in the review. I look forward to the next one. Do Matrix Revolution, Superman Returns, Transformers, or any other trainwreck, or a movie you love.

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.d.stokes.3 Anthony Donovan Stokes

    I have to disagree. Leonardo is a great actor who does have several nuanced performances. Your reasoning was good though and made me really examine all of his performances lol. He’s still pretty good maybe the best of our generation along with Christian Bale, Samuel Jackson, and Robert Downey Jr.

    • Mynock

      That’s sarcasm, right? You don’t honestly believe Bale, Jackson, and Downey are the best of this generation, right?

      • Chucky

        I dunno, Downey was pretty convincing with crusty spooge around his mouth in Less Than Zero.

      • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.d.stokes.3 Anthony Donovan Stokes

        They’re definitely great actors and they’re all pretty young they have plenty of time to get there if anything. Probably Samuel is past his prime, but I think Bale and Downey will grow. I’m not comparing them to de niro and pacino, but are they even still as relevant anymore?

    • Chucky

      He’s about as nuanced as the message of The Abyss. (Okay, we get it, Jim humans suck.) That said, when competent, trained directors like Scorsese get ahold of Leo, he’s functional at moving the plot forward.

      Your statement about Bale is indefensible. He stopped being a good actor during Empire of the Sun.

      • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.d.stokes.3 Anthony Donovan Stokes

        Bale is a great actor as well lol. I don’t know why us fanboys hold one bad movie over an actors head all the time, get over it.

        And Scorsese is only a trained competent director? He’s probably one of the greatest, but while I haven’t seen every Leo performance out there he’s not completely yelling all the time, he just has an intense face, but he doesn’t write the scripts and most great performances have intensity to them. Reservation Road and Inception I’d say where nuanced.

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.d.stokes.3 Anthony Donovan Stokes

    You really know how to fix broken movies I want to see one of your seriously constructed movies in the near future

  • chris

    stack two crappy video players one on top of the other, make people think one is for part two – then have part two play automatically so that both now load at the same time, causing jerky bullshit playback along with loads of adverts.

  • Mike Hunt

    I liked the part where they criticized.

  • Eversmile

    Can’t watch Part 2… stupid Nintendo ad blocks everything *annoyed*

  • gold

    This just keeps getting better every viewing, you’ve really hit your stride… with your ep II review. Now everything is pure goooooooold!

  • Pickelpenis

    God… The Hobbit was fucking terrible.

  • zm

    quality analysis and fun overall, but i have a (not so) strange feeling that mike just likes half in the bag better now. plinkett is still good (and almost nothing comes close to it on the internet), but it’s nowhere near as inspired as it was before. but whatever.

  • Tom Tumor

    movie

  • MADMAXGAMER

    Laughed my ass off… Mr plinkett , you can never make too many of these reviews…

  • http://twitter.com/Epiphany347 Joseph Buehrer

    Dude, You should totally do prank calls as MR. Plinkett. The call you made to the sex website had me in stitches!

  • Blip Player sucks

    Why does this awesome site still use that stupid Blip player? It’s garbage. Get rid of it and embed the YouTube version on this and every other review page as the default version.

    Blip Player sucks goat testicles.

  • melponeme_k

    This is like an answer to Confused Matthew’s funny rant on the movie.

  • Captain I’m a Bad Guy

    666 comments before me?! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!

  • Marvin Falz

    The dumb and the intelligent yet successfully deceived masses.

  • Reaper

    Thanks, Plinkett!

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.d.stokes.3 Anthony Donovan Stokes

    I have seen them

  • ByronOrpheusMD

    Thanks for all you do, RLM! Happy Holidays!

  • last surviver of the titanic

    Why didn’t he mention the deleted radio scene. The worst part of Titanic is that Cameron discards real history at whim. The offers shooting people. No way, didn’t happen and Cameron even had to apologize to some of the families over this.

  • deadhorse

    I can’t thank you guys enough for the flesh light bit…made for an interesting conversation when my work colleagues just happened to look at my screen at the most inappropriate time! “It’s a review by these guy…” and so on. You hack fraud fucks! Keep ‘em coming!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sigsoosh Peter Schmidt

    Hell yeah, Taft snaps

  • Jakoporeenotexmex

    Titanic? What the hell? Where’s Black Monster Dicks 2? It ruined everything

  • http://www.facebook.com/sigsoosh Peter Schmidt

    I’m n love

  • Brett

    Wow! Another brilliant review. Your conclusion made me sad. That we are all incredibly average. Oh well I guess…

  • http://www.facebook.com/timothy.garrett.104 Timothy Garrett

    As always, an awesome and well done review!
    Wort the wait but I wish they didn’t give the teaser preview as many months ahead of time as they did.
    This covers all sorts of things but there is one issue that has always bothered me:
    And that is why does no one who comes into contact with the water in the ship act surprised at how cold it is or have a reaction to cold water?
    I mean, shouldn’t that water be as cold as the outside water?

  • guest

    Wait a minute; Plinkett said he was 6 years old when he was on the Titanic, making him 106 years old. However in the Crystal Skull review he says that he is 116 years old. WHAT A PLOT HOLE!

  • General Grievance

    Never heard of Antichrist until this Plinkett review…now I’m gonna check it out!

  • Patrick

    I like Film Critic Hulk, but there needs to be an option to read a “De-Hulked” version. If I ever binge through his stuff again, I’m going to make a script to get rid of the capslocked text.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thom.stone.50 Thom Stone

    Check your fax! Check your fax!

  • Southparkfan1993

    Actually the guy that just barley made it through the water tight door would have gotten crushed because the doors that were on the ship drop the last foot and a half to two feet to make sure they get a water tight seal.

    Love your reviews Mr. Plinkett. And could you send me some pizza rolls when your not to busy killing some random girl

  • http://www.facebook.com/thom.stone.50 Thom Stone

    check your fax! check your fax!

  • TehSuckerer

    I can’t watch the video. It just shows an add, that never goes away. Sound is fine bu I have no video :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/thom.stone.50 Thom Stone

    hey, why so much hate for the actor leonardo da vinci? i mean, isn’t he the one who invented that 8 limbed circle fellow, you know, the drawing that inspired stan lee to create that iconic spider-man villain known as dr. octomom… dr. octagon… dr. octopussy… dr. oct-or-not-to-oct… dr. octovitruvian man…

    *this works a lot better in plinkett’s voice*

  • Jimi

    Looks like Rooster Teeth has a monopoly on Blip advertisements…

  • Sinatra you fuck !

    I like to fuck my cat.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001498030551 Callum Shellcock

    But Hugo was shit.

  • Bleakvision

    brilliant.

  • Bleakvision

    Hey Plinket, people are talking about Tarantino in the comments. Reminds me that he has gone the way of George Lucas recently. Please rip him apart.

  • dude

    This is so very epic.

  • Dollar Store Cashier Wife

    Do The Lord of the Rings next!

  • TheLog

    It’s so true, imagine today’s audience packing out a cinema to watch a screenplay masterpiece like “Brighton Rock” with outstanding permanences from real actors, like Richard Attenbourough, that portray real characters that you can feel attached to. Unlike today’y Garbage that packs cinemas of zombies who haven’t got a clue what a good film is, but they still use phrases like”He’s a good actor” when describing cringe worthy performances from fools like Keanu Reeves. *Cuts Wrists

  • Spur

    Love your work, but this one’s a misfire.

    You mention that the Titanic story basically writes itself, which seems to ignore that most movies made about the tragedy are duds.

    Also, many of the scenes Cameron’s ripped off (e.g. Andrews saying the sinking is a ‘mathematical certainty’, Andrews standing by the clock at the end, etc.) are drawn from eyewitness account (mostly from subcommittee hearings; many of these things are referenced. Even the kids being excited at the distress flares is mentioned by eyewitnesses, as kids thought they were fireworks. There are even accounts of an officer suicide at the end, although nobody’s been able to confirm it was Murdoch).

    You highlighted that the crew are showcased as inept, which may be the case with the stewards, but what about the officers? They all served faithfully to the end, (although more might’ve been done with that).

    You’re spot on that Cameron’s characterisations are black and white, and more should’ve been made of the needless action (e.g. Billy Zane chasing them around the ship and shooting at them).

    You seem to take umbrage with the fact that Titanic went from a movie to a phenomenon and attack the studio because they essentially acted as a studio should — by marketing (and re-marketing) the shit out of a hit. They would’ve been negligent if they hadn’t.

    The whole review felt as if somebody said, ‘Let’s Plinkify Titanic!’ and somebody else said, ‘Great!’ And then you were too heavily invested in it by the time you realised it wasn’t unfolding as the other Plinkett reviews have.

  • Regan

    I don’t know how much money you guys make on these reviews, but you deserve more.

    Thanks for all your hard work!

  • metal mustache

    I honestly can’t tell the difference between a bad actor and a good actor

  • LASTCAR

    Magnificent work as always! I get the giddiest thrill when a new Plinkett review comes out.

  • crinoid1919

    Mr Plinkett you MUST do a review of The Hobbit. It sucks SOOO much ass it was hard not to walk out. Constant repeat imagery/sceen mashing from LOTR, a WILDLY different story from what is was and the CGI in this was just over teh top. It was truly awful and most people wont see that it sucks ass, but my brain did.

  • Paul Giomatti

    why didnt you do the matrix like you said you would >(

  • Guestie

    Great stuff! Keep ‘em coming!

  • http://www.facebook.com/robthurman Rob Thurman

    Laughed and chuckled. Not crazy about the Blip service, though. It wouldn’t work on my tablet and the ads wouldn’t shut up once I reached the end of part one when I played on my PC.

  • reginamb

    “…most people are dumb and don’t like to be challenged intellectually or emotionally. They like the familiar and gravitate towards things that feel safe and non-confrontational.”

    This pretty much sums up why 90% of the movies you watch these days are terrible.

  • Robby

    Fun fact: In this review when you reference Leonardo DiCaprio getting his start on Growing Pains and you point to the little girl, that little girl is the waitress in The Avengers that Captain America saves, that is interviewed at the end.

  • Adam Kenobi

    Plinket you fat %@#$!

  • Guest

    @23:17 Nailed it. Proof is the last US election.

  • eimb1999

    @ 23 minutes and 17 seconds in on part 2 of the Titanic review… Nailed it. Proof is the last US election of 2012.

  • Sick of Stoklasa

    Oh awesome! After a long wait we get another review for a movie no one wanted. Cool. Hey maybe next time you cock tease us with a new review you can reveal it to be something like “The Rescuers: Down Under.” That’d be a fun way to fuck your loyal fans once again right?

  • Hellhound47

    2PAC “So Many Tears” starting ~32:00 :D

  • MrXax

    Pure gold as always. Laughed my ass off. Thanks Mike et al.

  • hmmhmm

    Well, as annoying as Leo’s role was on Titanic, I still think he was great as Howard Hughes on the Aviator. I also enjoyed his role on Shutter Island.

  • LittleAsshole

    Check UR FACTS! Check UR FACTS! Check UR FACTS! Check UR FACTS!

  • Titanic

    Fuckin’ Tony!

  • Wikipedo Police

    “Rose McGowan”???

    If this isn’t a huge mistake which should have somebody anally probed with a thresher, it’s the most repeated joke I’ve ever heard on RLM grounds…

    Does somebody have something they have to admit?

  • Dyrone

    Ah HA! I see what he did there with the Applebee’s…

  • The Sorrel

    I’d love to see that Review. But the first commercial with the you tube video won’t let me -.-

  • dan

    CHECK YOUR FAX…. coz I sent you my address to get free Pizza Rolls.
    When are my Pizza Rolls coming?
    Fuck it. UNSUBSCRIBED

  • http://twitter.com/IcelandicHossi Hossi Blumengaarten

    Tim Curry

    He’s climbin in yo showers, snatchin yo women up, tryin to rape em- so
    ya bettah hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya husb’ cuz he’s rapin
    er’body out here.

  • Earthforce1

    Another wonderful and insightful review by Mr. Plinkett and the RedLetterMedia team.
    Kudos to you. I understand the time and hard work it must take to produce one of these reviews and it is much appreciated.

    On that note. Please, please, PLEASE. Consider doing Star Trek V as your next one. I’m a long time and old school Trek fan, but that one deserves to be analyzed by you guys (or some would say raked over the coals).

  • Beckoning Chasm

    Leo di Caprio started out as a stick insect, but then he became more moist.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Ken1822 Ken Wayne Milota

    Why does he keep calling Kate Winslet “Rose McGowan?”

    • http://twitter.com/BillHiers Bill Hiers

      Because it’s funny?

  • Josh

    Plinkett uses his awful psycho/anti-intellectual character to deliver thoughtful and three-dimensional material. It is incredibly clever.

  • Guest

    My review is number 1 negative review by votes at IMDB. The film is all about action sequences and has no soul or brains. It is more like Phantom Menace and I will be annoyed if after slagging off the prequels, you do not slag off this film for same reasons.

    • Obviously FakeAlias

      Did you seriously post about being disappointed before even watching this review? You’re a sad little man, Guest.

  • Yankee Doodle Dandy

    George M. Cohen mix?

  • Ian Warburton

    Such a cheesy snobby conclusion… popular movies are for the dumb masses.

  • http://www.facebook.com/niQboy Nico Havia

    Still can’t find the Last Airbender review.

  • AlexH

    The point about Cameron playing the “class differences” thing for emotional credit from stupid and babyish cinema goers is well made indeed. Doubtlessly, he’s fascinated by the story of titanic and you can credit him for the attention to detail in the shots but when the real life stories got in the way of e.g. depicting all the lower ranking crewmen as the heartless oppressors and drowners of the happy clapin’ foot stamping irish and polish poor folk he just disregarded the known historical facts and span the story his way – as Mike put it in his Avatar review “Make the audiance hate the villain [or the closest thing you can get to him] in any way you can, no matter how dumb”

    In reality, crewmen on the Titanic deserve to be remembered for their utterly self-less service as the ship went down. Contrary to barricading 3rd class passengers in for yuks and panicking very nearly every-last-goddamn-one of the crew stayed at his post / did his duty until the very end. Additionally, the first and second class men almost all surrendered their lifeboat places to women and children from any class. http://www.anesi.com/titanic.htm

    Bottom line: If you need your main characters to have something to play off against like class-differences (i.e. the rich folk), or an authority (i.e. the crew) then make them out to be total DICKS. Doesn’t matter if you’re slandering real people who actually behaved very nobly on their way to a watery death – That’s getting in the way of some FAT DOLLAR. And nothing gets between Cameron and the fat dollar, although I suspect he mainly thinks of them as his score now in comparison to other film makers

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jubal-Biggs/686455551 Jubal Biggs

      Absolutely agree with you. One thing I would love to see in a historical movie of any kind is some evidence that the creators studied a bit of history. This is a very rare thing indeed nowadays. One thing about upper class people; particularly men at the time of the Titanic, was the “cult of the gentleman”. Upper class people very often felt that they had to live in a way that demonstrated that they deserved their wealth. This not only included the starched napkin dinners, but also the way they behaved in emergencies. It was very much the measure of manhood for a “gentleman” to be unafraid in the face of his own imminent death. A man of that station and time would have had a huge problem getting into a boat while some other man stood aside for a lady. This would have been basically an admission of cowardice, and his male ego could not have handled it. I am pretty sure that losses were disproportionate among the wealthiest males on the ship. Noble women as well were part of this peculiar culture, and also felt that it would be beneath them to display panic in the face of death. The upper class of the time was an evolved form of European gentry, which was originally a warrior elite. Gentlemen were calmly and cooly slaying one another in side streets and parks in honor duels up until a very few years before this event.
      I wouldn’t be surprised if the most panicked and un-chivalrous element on the ship were actually the “steerage” passengers.

  • Jaynie59

    Great review, very funny and insightful as usual. Although I would have liked a lttle snark on the ending. It’s just so dumb. All Jack had to do was get on the door first and pull Rose up and they both would have lived. When she yanked her hand out his cold, dead grasp I laughed out loud it was so stupid. It was like he had cooties. And then when Old Rose threw the diamond in the ocean? Oh, gawd. It’s a good thing she died in her sleep that night because if I were that granddaughter and found out about it I would have killed her myself.

  • Marvin Falz

    Maybe the masses are hypnotized using visual and auditory mind control techniques, such as subliminals composed of a halo-like looking object in the background and a person put in front of the object to make the person appear as a saint and stuff like that (as they do in politics).

    It seems that especially the American mainstream music industry since the 60s (or maybe sooner) is full of overt and covert occult symbolism. (So Bill Hicks making fun of Satan in rock music isn’t too far-fetched.) Even the Olympic Ceremonies this year have been blatantly full with these symbols and themes. They seem to appear much more often these days. The same seems to be the case with many modern American mainstream movies. Full of occult symbolism. Many actors (as well as many musicians) are apparently involved in occultism.

    So I wonder if one can find a reasonable, proofable link between occultism in movies and music, psychopathy (sociopathy) and violence.

    • Devil_Dinosaur

      It’s “proofable” you’re insane. Please seek help.

      • Marvin Falz

        Then proof it. :)

  • polokem

    Really? From all the terrible movies out there(that people actually saw *cough Baby’s day out cough*), you picked Titanic?

    Listen, if you have an irrational bias towrads the movie write a short article about it or something and don’t waste your time making these lengthy reviews cuz I just got bored in the begginning of Part 2 when you start talking about that the characters are too predictale and simple. Who fucking cares?

    Why don’t you review the Twilight series for exmaple and nobody gives a shit about Half in the Bag so just stop making those crappy videos.

  • CP

    Noticed that little dig against Speed Racer. Too bad, since it’s one of the best and most self-aware action movies in the last decade or so.

  • http://twitter.com/HeftyJo HeftyJo

    OMG, the previously unseen footage of Jack’s art for Rose at about the 5 minute mark on Part 1 has me literally ROFLMAO completely in tears right now. I love the star muff happy spot; twinkle twinkle. LoL!

  • St. Keys Von Claire

    Awesome entertainment!

  • TheSchaef

    Screw you, Plinkett, Speed Racer was an unappreciated masterpiece.

  • kgd

    Lets be fair…I really, really, really hated Leo when I first saw Titanic. I thought he was a boy-band wanna-be and really refused to watch many of his subsequent movies. Later, I found this to be a problem. Lets face it, that boy can act! Gangs of New York, The Aviator, The Departed, Blood Diamond, and Shutter Island. The man is pretty damn versatile as an actor. Kate? Well there was Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – which gets me laid every time I put it on (’cause my wife loves it so much and I just have to pretend to be Jim Carey)… Great commentary with the usual wit that drew me to RedLetterMedia int the first place. Hope you guys continue the first rate entertainment (er, ahm) critique.

  • Clarence Worley

    Brilliant

  • Malachi Smith

    When I switched from part 1 to part 2 I got to watch the same ad twice. Then the part 1 video played the same ad again, Great stuff.

  • Ujik

    “When the characters and the story are laughably simplistic” hahahahaahah

    Are you fucking kidding me? Was the story of the original Star Wars complex? Or Indiana Jones? What was soo damn complex about those movies at all?

    Nothing! It is hypocritical to talk about how the characters or story are predictable and simple(they are not) when your precious movies aren’t some works of art either.

    You only review movies you happen to have a personal grudge against. You hit the nail on the head with Star Wars prequels and Indy 4 review but why the hell did you make a review of Star Trek ’09 or this? They are not terrible movies at all. You just want to nitpick for the sake of nit-picking.

    Where the fuck are the Twilight or The Matrix sequel reviews? Where?

    Sorry, I just got bored in the begginning of Part 2. Get your ass and make a review of what you promised(Yes, you did at the end of Indy 4 review) and stop making those shitty Half In The Bag videos. No one gives a shit about those.

    • Riji

      It’s not hypocritical. Not every movie can be judged by the exact same criteria. Star Wars was a space fantasy. Titanic was based on an historical event and grounded in reality. One would expect some more character depth from such a film.

      And maybe he hasn’t done Twilight or the Matrix because he has no interest in doing them? You’re right when you say he only reviews movies he has a personal connection with (or “grudge against” as you put it). Why wouldn’t he? He never “promised” you anything. That ending to the Crystal Skull review? He’s MAKING FUN of demanding, entitled pricks like you.

      I swear, half the people that seem to “like” the Plinkett reviews don’t even seem have a goddamn clue what they’re trying to say.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shamalamadingdong Matthew Lobo Willis

    I dunno Plinkett. You talk about about how terrible LDC is and then I see him in this new move by Tarantino, tearing the fuck out of his role. He’s got some major chops and deserves credit.

    • Devil_Dinosaur

      They reviewed Django Unchained. They basically said Leo was adaquate in the roll, but nothing special. Which is usually what he is, when he’s not horrible.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jubal-Biggs/686455551 Jubal Biggs

        When I saw Titanic, I really disliked Leo. It does’t help anything that his character is a cloying, one-dimensional “good guy” which makes me want him to die painfully. However, I suggest you not only watch Django, but watch “Blood Diamond”. I really enjoyed that movie and he was quite convincing. I have to say with Blood Diamond, a large part of what I like about the film is Leo’s performance.

  • Unitedstatesisacorporation

    Leo is AWESOME, he was also a victim of the bad script

    • Devil_Dinosaur

      Oh, someone with dumb opinions in the form of a run-on sentence and use of the word “awesome” in all-caps. What a rare thing to see on the internet.

  • Tdogg

    Absolutely brilliant. Get these guys a show on HBO already.

  • Tommy Boy

    Do Star Trek V. Please God, do Star Trek V.

  • Brad

    Thank you, Plinkett. You help me live.

  • Guus van Voorst

    You are right about the one-dimensional characters…

  • Guest

    “this is where Tolkien fans get mad at us for calling that guy just some guy” No but it does seem like you’re going out of your way several times to NOT know the names of the characters and thus sound cool. Does gets annoying and makes you look like douches.

  • Bill Pill

    Right on the mark about Garden State

  • Bill Pill

    you should get George Lucas on your show, I think he’d be a fun guest

  • NCS

    I swear these reviews are the finest film documentaries I’ve ever seen. They are better than feature films.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Drain-Blut/100001687703474 Drain Blut

    Hey, excuse me. I’d like to discuss some inconsistencies with these model ship sets… and how they differ somewhat from the real version. What? What’s not the right time? Oh, sorry. I just had some questions about the furniture.

  • YoungmanGrand

    I think that people ultimately criticize directors like James Cameron too much considering that it isn’t his money that funds these kinds of movies. A large business enterprise puts up the capital and the more something costs, the exponentially greater the difficulty of trying anything new or different. Cameron is a brand name and his movies are mainly notable for pioneering special effects, but going through the studio system means compromises have to be made. The original Terminator was relatively low budget, dark and gritty, with a noir feel and a downbeat ending that suggested a horrible aftermath. When the time came to make the sequel, with its revolutionary and very expensive stunts and CGI, Arnold is turned into a hero, they threw in a teen actor and some comedic relief and the ending is bright and optimistic. I’m sure these are things that were insisted on at an executive level and Cameron tolerated it because he ultimately wanted the money to properly visualise his ideas with the best technology and people available. Ditto with Titanic and Avatar. These are movies concerned with spectacle and the cost involved means the core story needs to be as broad and safe as possible in order to guarantee attendance, ergo trite love stories and bland conflict designed to move the plot forward. Only occasionally does someone like Christopher Nolan produce something like Inception which attempts something creatively different for a Blockbuster, and even then it still turns on conventional tropes like A-List stars not really suited to the material, overly elaborate and often redundant effects and shoehorned in action sequences to widen the appeal. A budget of 200 million dollars can be really restricting.

  • Jakoporeeno

    Titanic? Where’s the black monster dicks review? Thanks for ruining christmas. Plinkett=The Grinch

  • IamSMERT

    WHEN THE FUCK IS THE NEXT PLINKETT REVIEW HURRY UP ASSHARLE

  • panda

    Is it intentional that he keeps calling the characters the wrong names, and names the wrong actress as playing Rose?

    • anon

      You must be new here.

      • Devil_Dinosaur

        “New” doesn’t cover it. “Rock stupid” could work.

  • dIRECT0R

    I sincerely hope you read this, Mike. This is no good. What you did, and need to continue doing, is tap into the immense reservoir of angst over the crappy movies Hollywood’s been shelling out for decades now. In particular, you need to pick apart and make fun of plot holes and general shoddy, dumbed-down, pandering storytelling that the movies are full of. AND you need to do it with huge blockbuster movies of the Star Wars sort. Titanic is a good movie – you can’t really rip on it.

    That’s what made you (more) famous – extremely clever ripping on Hollywood idiocy. Negative reviews. I’m sorry, but there are hundreds of excellent serious movie review, Plinkett isn’t exactly what I go to. But there’s only one old angry serial killer that destroys bad, overly-hyped movies. That’s what you do, that’s what you’re good at.

    Big fan, dIR

    • guest

      Plinkett: “The masses are dumb and want the same shit over and over again.”

      Plinkett fans: “I didn’t like this review because you don’t just make fun of a horrible movie.”

      • Marvin Falz

        And besides that there’s a danger that following the ever same formula results in lifelessness, in a work without soul.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=599459594 Michael Little

        He should make fun of Red Letter Media’s movies…they are horrible.

  • Ûber

    Enough, please…I come here for the Half In The Bag reviews…I enjoy everything else as kinda like a bonus, you know…? I tell my friends to visit redlettermedia.com because of the reviews that you guys do in Half In The Bag. I also tell my friends to avoid your Mr. Plinkett “skits”. Just get over it, guys…On the plus side, I do enjoy your stuff always when you get it on video!!

  • ILikeDucks

    PLEEEEASE review Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. You can’t tease us like that.

  • Vince

    Mr.Plinkett i love your reviews so much!!!

  • http://twitter.com/MD411971 MD411971

    More Pinkett Reviews!!!

  • Daniel

    Worst review you’ve made… hardly goes into any of what is wrong with this film and is filled with bloat. Confused Matthew ,makes a better case and so do I.

    • Daniel

      OK part 2 saved it… somewhat.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=599459594 Michael Little

      I hope Confused Matthew drops dead of HIV.

  • Daniel

    And I am so glad that this guy also dispelled the 30 degree myth.

  • iZoe

    Great review, but the ultimate conclusion left me a little depressed. Are most people so simplistic, that they think Titanic’s love story was really so epic and “deep”? DiCaprio and Windlett couldn’t play up a hackneyed love story nearly as well as Clifton Webb and Barbara Stanwick.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1352341988 Michael Novoa

    How is he talking with James Cameron’s Dick in his mouth?

    • guest

      Try watching the whole video before deciding to leave a snarky comment, dipshit.

  • Lazybonesjurassic

    Wow how did you not mention the 1943 titanic movie the third reich made, which is the version cameron ripped off directly– he just replaced the german with an american…old hollywood…

  • Philip Corner

    I finished high school in 1997 and before going to university I worked for the Odeon cinema in London in that summer…. must have watched this film 1000 times that summer. I remember that Odeon had a terrible computer system that couldn’t book more than 9 seats at a time and rarely on the same row… and you could book for free using the credit card n# 4929 4929 4929 4929… I do like Titanic though – probably because I’m in love with the time period. Fun fact: Titanic was the 2nd of 3 identical ships 1) Olympic [didn't sink] 2) Titanic & 3) Britannic [also sunk] – and there was a really terrible miniseries about Britannic released in 2000.

  • MerkinMelvin

    Scarlett Johanson is a good actor? Are you out of your fucking mind? Natalie Portman is like Glenn Close in comparison. Almost shut the review off after that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ty.ler.fin Tyler Findlay

    I would pay to see new episodes of Mr Plinkett reviews more regularly. Can I get an amen?

  • ascetica

    I always thought that the mom was faking crying in that scene to make Rose feel bad.

  • Kevin

    Speaking of child actors, I miss Haley Joel Osment. Seeming that he was one of the better ones back then, if not the best.

  • Tony the Pizza Roll

    Review something by Tim Burton, Plinkett… you must. Review Batman Returns. That lady’s head is a pizza roll. Eat her head, Plinkett.

  • felix

    Episode I is the number 5 ,on BoxOffice ranklist ??!!….WTF!!!??!
    screw Mankind…….

  • http://www.facebook.com/troy.wullbrandt Troy Wullbrandt

    I know that there are a ton of other movies out there for Mr. Plinkett to rip on, but I would like to hear his opinion on HOW THE HELL TWILIGHT IS SO POPULAR. He seems like someone who who would be able to figure out a question like that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/james.weale.9 James Weale

      There’s a telling line in ‘Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace’ where Dean Learner, by way of an awkward compliment, remarks: ‘The people who read Garth’s books, they hate reading. And that’s his genius – he gets those people to read. They’ll read Garth’s stuff… but they won’t read anything good…’ The same goes for Stephanie Meyer and equally for the likes of Dan Brown etc. Most people take the path of least resistance and have their interests dictated to them by marketing machines. I’m not trying to be snobby, it’s just an observation based on pretty compelling evidence. Every so often a book will come along at a time when publishers are looking to promote something ‘new’, by which I mean something that there is already a ton of, but which most people have never considered something they’d like to read about. It’s hardly as if Ms Meyer invented vampiric romance novels, but she lucked out through a combination of timing, simplistic writing that does not challenge the reader in any way at all and the fact that a lot of people will buy something if you promote it hard enough. And, if a lot of those people don’t read much else, they’ll basically assume that this is good enough and will service as entertainment. A girl, a guy, forbidden love due to circumstances which they eventually overcome, a love rival, a villain, the age-old formula which will always, always work since it’s safe and comfortable and ends exactly as you think it will.

  • BorisTralovitch

    Good use of the Duke’s Aria from Rigoletto!

  • Tobor

    I’ve never liked DiCaprio’s acting but I’ll give him props for Django. I think he found his true calling, a ruthless slave owner.

  • Mendoza

    Hey Plinkett, review The Notebook!

  • penfold

    As ever a little piece of art in its own right. Love these things – thanks for all the work putting it together.

    I am not sure about the IQ theory though. For a start IQ is about pattern recognition and manipulation; it doesn’t really measure characteristics involved in emotional processing.

    Gilgamesh, the illiad, Odessy, and Beowulf are full of single dimension characters. It would be patronizing to suppose that these books are great because people were dumber back then. Rather that the hero story, for all its stereotype and simplicity, resonates. Simplicity isn’t necessarily a vice; one of the true aspects of genius in the cerebral Twin Peaks is the heroic simplicity of Agent Cooper, a single dimensional character if ever there was one. Simplicity can be virtuous; even, as any Winnie the Pooh pan knows, simplicity can be sublime.

    I didn’t like Titanic; I am a curmudgeonly sort so it wasn’t really made for me, also the f****** song. But I don’t really think it’s because I’m smarter than most people. .

  • titty sprinkles

    new review! so fucking awesome!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Mankey/100000614501849 Chris Mankey

    That poor navi girl.

  • darkthor26

    A solid entry in the Plinkett series. I would disagree that DiCaprio is just an actor good at yelling. Just because someone can put on a costume and act crazy doesn’t make them a fine actor — sometimes just fully inhabiting a wide range of emotions and showing an inner human struggle with tough decisions takes mad skills. Leo did some fucking amazing acting in Blood Diamond, and The Departed, in this regard. You don’t get to be an A-list movie star with just a pretty face and shit acting skills.

  • D-Man

    btw science called they said that bodies float

  • Neal

    Plinkett, how can you cat have a penis when you said you got it pregnant, and also had to milk it? Is your cat a hermaphrodites? Hermaphroditical? Hermetically sealed?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Somebody’s wearing water skis and a leather jacket.

    An’ I ain’t talkin’ bout James Cameron.

  • Gareth Turner

    Do a review of to catch a yeti

  • DarkDjim

    Finally a new plinkett review! Great job, keep going, they’re really fun! Maybe the matrix movies? Anyways, thank you

  • Mr Gold

    Don’t waste your time tearing apart Star Trek V guys, that’s a dumb idea. It belongs in the childhood nostalgia file at this point, along with Batman, Masters of the Universe, Back to the Future, etc. You could point out how much smarter you are than someone making movies in the 80s, but what’s the pay off in that? At least it tried something new, an existential journey, instead of yet another madman revenge story trying to be Wrath of Khan. It’s got some of the funniest moments and best lines (I need my pain!) of the series, despite its many flaws, and a monumental Jerry Goldsmith score.

    People hate on it because it questions God, but that’s right in line with the Star Trek Universe. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Return of the Jedi, these are filled with embarrassing scenes and plot holes too — but going that far back seems less than sporting. There are plenty of lazier, more recent movies to pick apart that unfairly made a shitload of money, or are just incompetent shit like Cop Dog, that’s what Plinkett is good at targeting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philip-Harris/676608860 Philip Harris

    That woman from TITanic looks like the Nostalgia Chick

  • Guest

    That woman from TITanic looks like the Nostalgia Chick.

  • dfog

    i love you

  • http://www.facebook.com/jared.wimburn Jared Wimburn

    Plinkett needs to review Batman and Robin

  • DanceK

    Screw Plinkett. When is the next Half in the Bag?

  • Ms. Chief

    Please review the Hobbit.

  • Derp

    The only reason I’m looking forward to the new Star Wars movies – the inevitable, awesome Plinkett reviews, which are sure to make my brain blow up from laughter.

    • Patrick

      Really? The new movies won’t have George Lucas writing or directing, so they might actually be good.

      • Larry

        Keep telling yourself that. Disappointment always stings more when you give into the temptation of having hope. :-)

      • Alex Lee

        It’s really dependent on how good the writer is at telling a simple story. This is because we can use Abrams’ Trek movies as a resume’ of how he would handle special effects and actors, which are pretty good.

        Mind you, it has to be original and not just plagiarizing scenes for reference purposes, but I think it can be done.

  • Sophia Oyler

    “He has money. He objectifies women. He beats women. He SHOOTS women. He also has no flaws!” I laughed sooo hard. That’s genius XD

  • Jawf

    I’m sorry but was the thing about Leonardo DiCaprio being a bad actor a joke? Like part of Plinkett’s very obvious ignorance?

    If not, then in what world?

    You can say you don’t like DeCaprio, and I agree his role here definitely wasn’t his best, but to call him a bad actor is just false. And how was Gangs of New York ruined by him? True Daniel Day Lewis topped him but no one can top that guy, no one.

    Not to mention Leo’s been nominated for three Oscars.

    This is the only complaint I have with the review, but it’s just a very glaring one for me.

    • Atmos_Duality

      Irony struck. Intentionally or otherwise.

      Three weeks after this video was posted, the world saw Django Unchained.
      I am not a fan nor a hater of DiCaprio, but he was fucking brilliant in that movie.

      If Plinkett was being funny out of irony (as the running gag with Kevin Bacon would indicate), his joke is bipolar and somewhat self contradicting.
      Most child actors like McCully Culkin never evolved, but DaCaprio and Portman did.

      Aside: And yes, despair at the realization that our world is full of easily-duped idiots.
      Or perhaps, rejoice, if you make money off that in some way or another.

  • SeanoftheBread

    I, for one, like Leonardo DiCaprio. Not in this, his performance in this was shlock.

    Once the guy grew out of that pretty-boy phase of acting he actually started being believable. To a certain extent. Par example; Inception, The Departed, and Django Unchained.

    And just for sake of irony: “He did well with the material he was given. He’s not a bad actor kids, leave him alone” – Plinkett

  • Rick Berman

    Plinkett stop using my credit card goddamn it!

  • Charon

    I really liked Titanic myself, and got made fun of for liking it. Ah, the bitter days of my youth.

    By the way, this is one of the best Plinkett reviews yet. Keep up the good work RLM!

  • http://www.facebook.com/dan.wheeler.311056 Dan Wheeler

    I guess i never really thought about any of the characters besides Rose having no depth to them, granted that would have made the movie even longer or they would have had to cut some other scenes in the process.

    I think Dicaprio did a great job as Jack and he is also a great actor but noone knew that till this movie came out and instead of just going for “paycheck” movies after this, he went towards more challenging type roles.

  • leatherpubes

    Please review Garden State–Fuck that movie

  • djphenaproxima

    I lost it completely when he called Celine Dion a witch. Well done, sir.

  • mitchy

    I love Plinkett but he lost me completely when said Dicaprio was a hack and then said Scarlett Johansson had any sort of talent (unless he was just talking about her tits in which case yeah that’s pretty much all she’s got).

  • brianbeise

    he’s wrong about DiCaprio having no acting talent, but man this is a genius piece of criticism.

    • Bradshire

      He DOES tend to play similar roles however. he can act, but not with much variety.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=599459594 Michael Little

    Plinkett goes to show that the hipster Red Letter Media fags hate Michael Bay but share his same sense of humor…except I actually laughed at the racists “nigga” bots in TF2…not this moronic trash.

    • Bradshire

      Michael Bay has a sense of humor? Really? I thought he was just an idiot.

    • Eric Anonymous

      The difference is that they are self-aware, whereas Micheal Bay isn’t. Nor are they dropping nine figure sums on their films. I would also like to point out that “dumb humor” can be used effectively, but when your action movie climax is revolving around giant robot balls, blatantly racist stereotypes, and dog humping jokes… That, my friend, is moronic trash. And if you legitimately laughed at that cinematic bowel movement, then I’m thinking you might wanna drop the second ‘M’ in your name.

  • http://twitter.com/SidheKnight SidheKnight

    Hey Mr. Plinket please review the Twilight movies, the Matrix sequels and Michael Bay’s Transformers!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ben.brian.56 Ben Brian

    “Check your facts!” – Roger the Alien

  • SHmuck

    Poseidon (2006). That’s all I got to say.

  • Glides

    The same guy who hated the prequels liked Titanic?
    Granted, it would be the best movie ever if that godawful love story was removed.

    • Stef

      Suggest a better love-story? Not because I’m interested in comparing it with another or assessing its quality – but because you probably wouldn’t be able to come up with something better simply because you don’t actually like love stories overall. Which is the case with 95% of all “Titanic haters.”

      • Taft you FUCK

        True Romance is a better love story.

        • Casey Plotnick

          Fuck, Even Twilight was a better love story, and like 90% of all people hate it.

      • Larry

        I hate Titanic but I don’t mind a great love story, such as Lost in Translation, Casablanca or Doctor Zhivago, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or WALL-E. Harold and Maude was a better love story. The Color of Night with Bruce Willis and Jane March was a better love story. What else? Brokeback Mountain, The Apartment, Notorious, The African Queen, When Harry Met Sally, The Last of the Mohicans, It Happened One Night, Gone With the Wind…

        I can keep going because this isn’t a hard question to answer.

    • Bradshire

      He didn’t completely like Titanic; he just respected Cameron for using actual set pieces and clever visual techniques, instead of…y’know, shitty blue screens.

  • Just another guy

    God, I love the ending. It’s hilariously depressing and the background imagery is great as the music reaches it’s climax.

  • woodroe whately

    Rose plays Kate Winslet. Ah, the old bait-and-switch. ;)

  • hafabee

    Love the Star Trek The Motion Picture music at around 25 minutes in on the first part, took me a second to remember where I’d heard that before! One of the greatest soundtracks ever.

  • DualCore Professional Cecor
  • Iwan

    actually its the sinking of that ship was an incurance scam. The Olympic was damagde in an colissian with an britisch navy cruiser. So they made the oplymic look like the titanic and planned to sinks her. The damadge caused by the crash was also a reason for the huge amount of damadge the ice berg could cause. Because the hull was weakend.
    If you would like to know more go look it up there is an documantary about it some where on the web.

    • Pleb monkey

      I’m almost positive that 99% of what you said there is bullshit and barely makes sense.

      • Joe Barry

        I’m almost positive that 98% of what you said is fairly accurate.

        • Casey Plotnick

          mmmm I like to fuck my cat

  • Mike Jakermen

    Actually when Titanic first came out. I thought that Dicaprio was the worst actor on the planet. But frankly i think hes gotten a lot better since then. I think the first movie where i really thought he could act was “Catch me if you Can”. And i thought he did a great job in “Django Unchained”. But i totally agree about Portman. Natalie Portman usually just plays “Natalie Portman” in everything she is in.

    • ananymouse

      How can “just being Natalie Portman” be a bad thing? Wahwahweewah.

      • Kieren

        Who wouldn’t wanna dock their boat in natalies port man?

      • Casey Plotnick

        babadiboobidebabideboobida

  • Krish

    I did love hugo. That was probably the surprise of the year for me. I didn’t know what to expect, and my coworker gave it a bad review, but I loved it when I saw it. It was beautiful, but I am not surprised it didn’t do so well in the box office. Pacific rim was probably my favourite movie of 2013, yet grown ups 2 blew it out of the water in the box office. Surprised? I’m not.

  • Tom

    Enjoy this as hell. I am really impressed of your movie making ideas and such. Fan from sweden

  • Knessius Explodious Maximus

    Would you just hurry up and do another review, you fat piece of shit?

    • Casey Plotnick

      fuck yo- oh wait a minute, you`re my cat. double fuck you. mmmmm I like to fuck my cat

  • Aden

    Yeah, 3D movies, a fad that lasted for 6 months. Thank fuck that’s ov- oh wait…

  • Grant Butler

    I liked the film, people can hate it all they like but it’s still one of the best ever made.

  • salaamender

    This movie sucked my balls.

  • splimis

    You know what was better than James Cameron’s Titanic? Steve Oedekerk’s Thumbtanic.

    • Alex Lee

      It had better action too.

    • Casey Plotnick

      yeah…thitanic swinging back and forth. like a seesaw

  • James Cameron is James Cameron

    Can’t believe I missed the hint at the “Star Trek V” commentary.

  • Riley

    So it’s been almost a year since the last Plinkett review….when’s the next one, guys? I recently bought Feeding Frenzy and Gorilla Interuppted and know that your hearts are in filmmaking and Half in the Bag, but….

    ….Harry Plinkett reviews are a GOLD MINE! If there was one of these a month, I bet traffic on this site would be double what it is now. I’ve watched all the Plinkett’s probably 5 times each, they’re comedy gold.

    But surely you can do more than one a year….?

    • Showbiz Pizza Bear

      Fret not. Plinkett is always working on tearing into another movie. But the bodies of dead hookers aren’t going to bury themselves, and that takes time.

  • Eric Anonymous

    When’s the next plinkett review? You guys are such hack frauds UNSUBSCRIBED!

  • Chiburi

    I would like to watch part 2, but part 1 made me want to watch T2. I’ll be back.

  • Alex Lee

    lol James Cameron married to a Na’vi.

  • JesterHead

    So do you back your statements up factually or do words just drool out of your mouth?

    • TapewormBike

      Well, since one of his few other comments is him agreeing with praise of Titanic in article written by Roger Ebert (also known as “the deceased”), it appears it is no use to bark at this particular sad little tree, with sense of humour only matched by a pair of unwashed trousers.

  • Paul Johnson

    Drowning just refers to the process of taking water into the lungs.

  • Crowsteeth

    Quit your chin waggin!

  • FearAndSlothing
    • The Willard

      Seven. Another favorite.

  • Tyler Parmelee

    What the name of the song at the end of this review?

    • Guest

      I squeeze gate by charlie brown beatz?

    • roaroar roarar

      I squeeze gatz – charlie brown beatz ?

  • mike

    what is the movie at 21:09 of the first part please?….don’t judge me

  • joborchi

    If I ever make a film, I will hier mr. Plinkett to do the screenwriting!

  • Adam

    I have to disagree about Leo being a bad actor. Has anyone ever seen Django Unchained? He was masterful.

    • Stardog Champion

      Leo was pretty bad back in his early acting days. He improves as time passes.

    • asscrackconvictedfelon

      Well… he spent the movie screaming (as expected) and being a dbag (as expected), he did well indeed but we can see him scream in all his movies and being a dbag in almost all of them.

  • roaroar roarar

    “my name is pablo and i love the feeling of james cameron’s balls smacking against my chin.” -pablo

  • Colin Cook

    I don’t agree with the idea that most people enjoy ‘Titanic’ simply because they’re too dumb to analyze the film and prefer watching the same thing over and over again. Sure it’s fun to watch these reviews and notice the ‘film school’ critiques, but I’ll watch Titanic again and still enjoy it; not because I’m too stupid to shy away from ‘negative’ aspects of the movie, but because it’s entertainment.
    I freaking love the ‘Star Wars’ prequel reviews, and they’re chock full of great information for how to make a good movie; but I’ll definitely watch them again, and still enjoy them.

  • Booger

    I never got the big whoop about this movie. I forced myself to watch it a couple years ago when it was on TV because, by now, it felt like something I had to see. At first I thought I didn’t get it. It just seemed like just a romance story with a tragic ending. I thought there might be some depth to it I completely missed and that was why everybody loved it. Good to know I’m sane. Or sane-enough to know a simple movie when I see one.

  • Akeuw

    Natalie Portman, apparently I have the same personality as her, except I would not be such a stoic actor myself.

  • Akeuw

    Fuck Picasso, revolutionary like Michelangelo, but childish. Also, Frued got more attention then what was deserved.

    • sirhotalot

      Freud was a hack. The only reason he was popularized was because his Nephew spent a fortune promoting his book. Freud wasn’t at all influential in psychology.

      • Akeuw

        One thing is for sure, I never wanted to fuck my mom.

        • ThatGuy

          That’s understandable when you constantly have your daddy’s cock up your asshole and all.

          • Akeuw

            Stop following me.

  • asscrackconvictedfelon

    i will resist the urge to upvote to keep the 69 intact, im sure mr plinkett would approve this.

  • John Robert Bridges III

    Thank you for these videos. You’re brilliant.

  • Mo Jo

    Politics are a very dangerous area, he would end up pissing off half the audience.

  • Jack P. Coleman

    ever heard of style and satire?

  • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

    I don’t hate Titanic, I just think it’s a mediocre film. The amount of work itself that went into making it is not important; what matters is the movie. But it’s a mediocre movie, with a generic, tired-ass story, boring characters, cheap, dumb manipulation, etc, etc. Basically, just a standard hollywood flick that would normally have been forgotten in terms of its own merits. I suspect that more than hipsterness, people today say they don’t like Titanic because after all this time, its technological achievements in terms of special effects are no longer impressive.

    It’s really a lot like Transformers. Both movies were deemed to be popularity phenoms before they were even released; they were successfully marketed as these “events” that you either went to or were deemed unhip or uncool. There’s a reason the hipster may be tempted to distance himself from something like Titanic but not from, say, No Country for Old Men: precisely because with Titanic it wasn’t about the quality, but the popularity of the thing, something you did to belong.

    The arguments that were used to convince people like me that ‘Titanic’ was really good and that I was wrong for being desinterested and unimpressed (it’s successful, it’s popular, everybody likes it, everybody says it’s great, it’s the most profitable movie ever, everybody’s gone to see it or everybody’s going to see it) are also the same used later to defend/proselytise Transformers.Of course ‘Titanic’ is a better movie than ‘Transformers’, but the nature of their success is essentially the same.

    The only thing I hate about ‘Titanic’ is the power it gave Cameron, a man who has become genuinelly damaging to cinema.

    • Cguy

      Yeah, because the Terminator franchise and Aliens were so damaging to movies. And Avatar, despite it’s boring story, still broke new ground in visual effects.

  • Joel Filomeno

    I KNOW IT BECAUSE I SOLD IT YOU!!!!!!!

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