Mr. Plinkett Review: Titanic

HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG

MY GOD!

When’s the next Plinkett review?

please tell me that call was real

mr. plinkett excites my squshbox

Was kinda wondering where this was going for the first three quarters and then it got really depressing. Ugh…

Hugo was pretty forgettable, I have to say.

Star Trek 5 soon???? can’t wait!!! Good job as always love the Plinkett reviews!

Eraserhead, There Will Be Blood and Brazil as examples of exceptionalism movies, fuck yeah.

Wait just a second. How can Plinkett have heard a talking pizza roll tell him to crash the Titanic when pizza rolls were invented by Jeno Paulucci in 1968!?

WHAT A PLOT HOLE!

Fantastic as ever.

Taft, you fuck!

Hey…. I like Leo Dicaprio. He’s a fantastic actor and looks hilariously amazing in Django.

Sorry, this is your worst. It’s not bad by any means, but it is decidedly less entertaining.

leonardo dicaprio can be a good actor. He is much better than what he used to be. blood diamond, the departed and inception have very good performances from him in my opinion. and he probably will get an oscar nomination for django unchained.

I am a little confused about the analysis of dialogue in general here. So a line of dialogue gets picked out “no boys, the titanics going to New York, in 5 minutes” which is nothing more than a witty line to get move the plot along. I mean really is this unnatural or weird in any way? You couldve just missed that out entirely and had Jack and co just get on the boat as normal but the the way it was done made it more exciting.

And then he says he likes the argument between Ruth and Rose after the corset bit, where Rose’s mother talks about sexism, bringing in the sexism issue. Really? There’s a line in that where Ruth says “were women, our options are always limited” or something. Im sorry but thats just pandering crap. The entire Rose/Cliff relationship SHOWS US IN GREAT DETAIL that yes women were subjugated in that time we dont need Ruth to literally state “fuck being a women is terrible if only we lived 100 years from now where the people watching this film enjoy equal rights”. What I would have liked to see is Ruth and Cliff together alone, perhaps in a lift. Wouldve fitted in well as we see them together without Rose in the film. And then we see them conflicting with Cliff being all sexist and Ruth not sure whether she really wants Rose to marry such an arsehole. Wouldve fleshed out both characters a lot I think.

Overall love the review though

my new favorite film review, very good points made!

James Cameron put boobs in a Titanic movie. That makes this the best Titanic movie of all time and James Cameron is officially King of the World. Also, I don’t get out much.

Science called! Bodies float!

It’s gonna be great.

That was some fine foreshadowing with the Titanic popcorn tub in an earlier movie.

If cancer were pretentious it would be Mr. Plinkett

Please do Schindler’s List next.

Plinkett reviews have R-rated humor, and I’ve grown to accept this. They are enlightening, entertaining, and inspiring works of a few true geniuses who, in my opinion, are largely responsible for staving off the decay of thoughtless film in Hollywood and ushering in a renaissance of higher standards amongst filmmakers through a grassroots movement.

However, it’s hard enough trying to refer my friends to your otherwise flawless reviews without you making fun of retarded people and calling them “mongoloids.”

I love you Plinkie – but Andromeda Strain is a great flick.

Amazing work, love it. Keep ut the good work and MORE HALF IN THE BAG?!?

When is the next plinkett review?

Great set up for the twilight reviews.

where is my pizza roll

When is the next half in the bag?

I must admit that I did weep profusely during this film.
But they still made me watch it.

When is the next Half in the Bag episode?

Not as much fun as most of the other Plinkett reviews. But seriously, what was anyone expecting? These epic “getting all the stuff that bothered me off my chest” type reviews only work if there actually *are* bunch of things that bothered you, and it makes sense that at this point, Mike’s already exhausted the low hanging fruit.

Not saying this Plinkett review wasn’t entertaining – it had its moments – but I was a bit puzzled as to the choice of Titanic, which is only half-shitty, rather than say the Matrix sequels with all their pretentious garbage dialogue, incoherent plot, and total failure to understand what made the original good. (On the other hand, unless Mike has his own unique take on what exactly went wrong, it’s silly to demand a Plinkett review. These things can’t be forced.)

so…
WHEN IS THE GORILLA INTERRUPTED RERELEASE??

Well slather my asshole in butter and shove popcorn up it, its a brand new Mr. Plinkett review, can you fucken believe it??? XD

the plinkett scenes should have been filmed with a tape camera in 4:3

Hey,, assholes….you said you liked “Thor” and “John Carter” in HITB!

I can’t believe there are people criticising this review and saying that Plinkett should “only” review terrible movies, completely missing the points Plinkett makes that criticise people for just wanting the same safe thing over and over again.

really great review you guys. all plinkett humor aside, your dissection of what makes a good movie is always thought provoking. it makes me want to seek out more movies with depth and believability (is that a WORD???). anyways… gotta go get some more cat meat.

I knew it was aliens! The history channel was right.

As a long time fan of RLM’s I rarely get a chance to comment and commend Mike, Jay, and Rich on the quality of their video output. which is always even at the very least EXCEPTIONALLY entertaining, and INSANELY funny. I can’t speak for everyone but for me personally what makes “Half in the Bag” reviews so unique is how much I agree with you guys, which at this point has become quite scary but in the best way possible.

Still I do have to admit that while we may share opinions Mike, and Jay are far more better then I will probably ever be at elaborating on, and explaining them in a review format. It is also no small feat that the skits in RLM videos are actually funny, unlike for example essentially everything that has been leaking out of the sewage treatment facility sadly once known as “That Guy with the Glasses” but I digress.

It is very apparent that a lot of hard work collectively goes into the Plinkett Reviews, “Half in the Bag”, and the various “RLM one-offs” so here is me finally getting off my ass to write THANK YOU, and that all your work is truly appreciated!

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Years Red Letter Media!

OMG – it’s so cool anticipating a new Plinkett review. In seconds I’ll be watching it.

The Ending had me tears with the space ship, Plinkett’s dad in a suitcase and the Captain “getting-off” pun

Best ever, man.

First time i ever made popcorn to watch a Review!

Plinkett is like an university. Booooring.
Just kidding of course, review’s the tits!!

Lost in translation is just as pretentious and nauseating as Garden State!…….

What I liked about this review was the amazing score.

Get down on it, get down on it, get down on it.

Scarlett Johansson can barely act, Don’t know why you rate her. Up until The Avengers (which she was average in) the film that put her career back on track, she had been living off the back of her performance in Lost in Translation. A good film where Murray puts in the better performance. She had been good in Ghost world before that. But since then she has been rubbish in rubbish films. Her performance in The Nanny Diaries is so bad its embarrassing.

Natalie Portman is somewhat one-dimensional and has little in the way of range but she’s better than Johansson.

WHEN’S THE NEXT HALF IN THE BAG REVIEW???

You can’t use the term “analsys” without the Spock reaction shot. I’m so sorry.

I just wanted to let you guys know, I got a violent bloody nose watching this review. Thank you, I have needed one as a result of film for a long time.

Meh .. was hoping for a Twilight review.

The problem with ‘Titanic’ is that the source has not much material to make fun out of.

Informative: yes.
fun: not quite so .. i think i laughed 2 times.

Isnt the ultimate goal of the Plinkett reviews,
making us laugh as an audience while analyzing the sheer stupidity of some movies .. (Twilight, Birdemic, The Room, etc .. so much fun material to explore, Mike!)

Thank you for not playing that bloody boat song. Not even once.

Got a little boring in the criticism section because… well, there’s not much to criticize. Nothing more than pretty much any other film out there. Any more realistic would have been a distraction from the main event. It’s a movie about the ship sinking. JC knew exactly what he was doing, and as a result made boatloads of cash.

I wouldn’t say it’s a mystery as to why it was so popular. General audiences are, in fact, into the technical aspects. They appreciated the realism of everything. It was a movie everyone had to see at least once, if for no other reason than the technical marvel of it, both FX-wise and historically. And it was DAMN suspenseful– moreso than anyone was prepared for, I think. I mean, as if the threat of the ship sinking wasn’t enough– they throw everything at you. And it’s pretty hard to not get emotionally impacted by such a tragedy. That’s all it is, really– it shows you all kinds of pretty and amazing things and people, and then you watch it all be destroyed. If it wasn’t based on a true story, it would seem downright sadistic. When this is juxtaposed with a pretty damn hot lead couple, pushing the PG-13 rating to its limits, you have about as emotional a movie as you can get.

So it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. So what? Like you said, people’s dislike turned to hate only because of how popular and successful it was. This includes the ending song, which was appropriately emotional and sappy. So you’d have kept the original poster??? Jeez, people need something nice to focus on, other than the horrible aspect of the ship going down!

Funniest bits, of course, were comparisons with George Lucas. Hahahaha… poor Lucas.

Post the videos on youtube, cant watch it here =(

Disappointing. Had a few chuckles but overall was nothing close to other Plinkett reviews.

I’d toss Cameron into the genius category. He’s invented a lot of the technology needed to make his movies; movies he makes in order to fund his own private non-hollywood expeditions, so we know he’s gotta have some kind of free-thinking mush in that bearded mellon.
He writes simple characters and simple stories full of grand sets and visuals because he knows that’s what makes money. He’s not an artist, he’s a peddler to the masses. The proof is in the box office numbers he manages to bring in, and the fact that 80% of the movies he’s made are now considered *classics*.
He’s not exactly the King of the World, but he is the King of the Popcorn Flick; something Bay has been trying to achieve his entire career.

Dear Mr. Plinkett,

I would thoroughly enjoy it, if you, sir, could find yourself in the mood to review the Twlight movies.

Cheerioh!

N.D.

MORE! MORE!

Wow, after Avatar and Star Trek 2009 you have discovered a third movie which is only made (and this most effectivly, with effort and professional) for maximum money return and lacks some deeper film-maker art while aimed at the average cinema-going viewer…
How great!

Titanic is the only film that has ever made me walk out of a cinema. I’m am so excited to watch this new review that I would have an erection, if only I could sustain one when not dismembering co-eds.

Imagine if they re-make this Titanic in 10-20 years…Audiences are even dumber now, than they were….There is not enough pizza rolls in the universe to endure an even moar dumberer Titanic….Or wait set the Titanic re-make in the future…IN SPACE!!!!

Another great review. Thanks Mr. Plinkett!

Plinkett, review Inception !!

I sat next to James Cameron’s parents while watching this movie.

True story.

Afterwards, I punched his mother in the uterus.

Fake story.

I have to agree with Plinkett about Leonardo DiCaprio. I never got his appeal. Leo is actually the only problem I had with Inception. Anyhoo, this was a good review and the UFO at the end was golden!
BTW; does anybody remember Raise the Titanic? It was the first movie I ever saw and I can’t remember shit about it. Was it any good? I know that it was a massive flop at the box office…

So once again you expound on the fact that the public as a whole is stupid and then complete the review with low brow humor and a fleshlight joke. This is another fuck you to us isn’t it?

Brilliant.

Aculy, Leo started out retarted, then after the success of that Grape movie he could afford cognitive therapy. Natalie Portman went the other way and now she’s married to a millipede.

Yes! Old Plinkett is back and as good as ever.

The one thing I was surprised by is how this review completely seemed to ignore the Leonardo DiCaprio “teen heartthrob” factor in why this movie was so popular — I mean, RLM did a review of the Twilight films so I’m surprised how Mike could fail to mention the box office punch of smitten teen girls. Frankly, the reason this movie did so well where others failed can be summed up in two things:

1. Action/special effects
2. Sex appeal

Lightning in a jar my ass.

However the point about bell curves and how financially successful media targets “the average person” (because there are more of them) was absolutely spot on. However I can see it offending some people

Did Plinkett “Come out” in this review? In an earlier review, he clearly fucked the shit out of his cat. And now, in this review, during the phone call with the online merchant, he exclaims that his cat was fucking the flesh-light. That must mean his cat is a male (I assume this is the same cat he fucked). I guess that begs the question… Does fucking a male cat make you gay?

Big-budget movies are not aimed at the average person in the United States. Big-budget movies focus on the average person who goes to a movie theater in the US. That is very different.

The average age of a person in the United States is about 37 years old.

The average age of a movie goer in the US is between 15 and 18 years old.

* Typical people in US movie theaters are teenagers. That is why characters in big budget movies like the Cameron films are so simplistic.

Adults who want more complexity with less black and white characters stay home and watch cable channels like HBO or Showtime.

Mediocrity wins and excellence falls on deaf ears. Welcome to reality of entertainment.

A telling conclusion in what might be the best Plinkett review yet of what is perhaps the most perfectly mediocre film ever (behind Avatar). It was also fucking hilarious.

Where’s the Black monster dicks 3 review?

Well that was great!

… When’s the next Half in the Bag?

This was great Plinkett. Nice to see a review with a lot of positivity as the haters try say you’re too negative. Wasn’t even expecting the tie-in to the Plinkett backstory, figured that ‘I was on the titanic’ comment was just a one off. Best review yet, exceeded my expectations 4 sure.

Therefore; get off your lazy ass and give us more reviews, no one cares about you sleeping / drinking

I was…. underwhelmed :<

The next Plinkett review has to be for the Dark Knight Rises. Honestly I think the Phantom Menace is a better movie than that piece of shit.

Hey, anybody knows the name of the track playing in the backghround of part 2 from 9:45 to 11:05?

Hey, anyone notice the newspapers that were shown at 24:20 in Part 2 of the review? On the left side, he displayed the 9/11/2012 edition of the NYTimes, but look at one of the headlines:

“New York Is Lagging as Seas And Risks Rise, Critics Warn
—————————————————————————————-
590-Mile Coast and Subways Seen as Vulnerable”

Hurricane/SuperStorm Sandy DID EXACTLY THIS once it hit on 10/28, just a month and two weeks later.

That…is fucking CREEEEEEEPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYY! WOW!

Man I feel like i just watched the Star Trek Generations of the Plinkett reviews. Instead of getting a funny well thought out review of a movie that is bad but critics, the director and studios says is great. we got this. Wheres the visceral destruction of the movie? We got 30 minutes of praising the movie followed by a weak kick in the pants of the movie. It’s hard to tear into a movie that 90% liked and the rest were indifferent to it. Wheres the reviews we were teased at the end of the Indiana Jones and the crystal meth review? No Matrix, no Red Tails, no Twilight, no Terminator Salvation, hell I think I would have taken one on Larry the wonder dog. Instead we got this shlock. Did someone give Mr. Plinkett medication to be nicer? I can’t believe I waited years to get this.

SLOW CLAP. So perfectly enumermated, my feelings exactly.

Plinky, didn’t you see this flick in the theater? During my packed-house viewing, several women in the crowd openly wept.

You may not remember. But your brain does.
Chicks are suckers for this shit.

As much as I like Plinkett reviews and Half in the Bag, this one wasn’t great. It could have easily fitted into half of the time, overall too much joking, to little actual analysis. Maybe Mr. Plinkett’s field are scifi-movies, so this was something different. I enjoyed it though.

Please make a Plinkett review of Lord of the Rings. I bet thousands are waiting for it!

You really know how to fix broken movies I want to see one of your seriously constructed movies in the near future

I liked the part where they criticized.

This just keeps getting better every viewing, you’ve really hit your stride… with your ep II review. Now everything is pure goooooooold!

quality analysis and fun overall, but i have a (not so) strange feeling that mike just likes half in the bag better now. plinkett is still good (and almost nothing comes close to it on the internet), but it’s nowhere near as inspired as it was before. but whatever.

Laughed my ass off… Mr plinkett , you can never make too many of these reviews…

Why does this awesome site still use that stupid Blip player? It’s garbage. Get rid of it and embed the YouTube version on this and every other review page as the default version.

Blip Player sucks goat testicles.

666 comments before me?! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Plinkett!

Thanks for all you do, RLM! Happy Holidays!

I can’t thank you guys enough for the flesh light bit…made for an interesting conversation when my work colleagues just happened to look at my screen at the most inappropriate time! “It’s a review by these guy…” and so on. You hack fraud fucks! Keep ‘em coming!

Titanic? What the hell? Where’s Black Monster Dicks 2? It ruined everything

Wow! Another brilliant review. Your conclusion made me sad. That we are all incredibly average. Oh well I guess…

Wait a minute; Plinkett said he was 6 years old when he was on the Titanic, making him 106 years old. However in the Crystal Skull review he says that he is 116 years old. WHAT A PLOT HOLE!

I like Film Critic Hulk, but there needs to be an option to read a “De-Hulked” version. If I ever binge through his stuff again, I’m going to make a script to get rid of the capslocked text.

Actually the guy that just barley made it through the water tight door would have gotten crushed because the doors that were on the ship drop the last foot and a half to two feet to make sure they get a water tight seal.

Love your reviews Mr. Plinkett. And could you send me some pizza rolls when your not to busy killing some random girl

I can’t watch the video. It just shows an add, that never goes away. Sound is fine bu I have no video

Looks like Rooster Teeth has a monopoly on Blip advertisements…

But Hugo was shit.

Hey Plinket, people are talking about Tarantino in the comments. Reminds me that he has gone the way of George Lucas recently. Please rip him apart.

Do The Lord of the Rings next!

Love your work, but this one’s a misfire.

You mention that the Titanic story basically writes itself, which seems to ignore that most movies made about the tragedy are duds.

Also, many of the scenes Cameron’s ripped off (e.g. Andrews saying the sinking is a ‘mathematical certainty’, Andrews standing by the clock at the end, etc.) are drawn from eyewitness account (mostly from subcommittee hearings; many of these things are referenced. Even the kids being excited at the distress flares is mentioned by eyewitnesses, as kids thought they were fireworks. There are even accounts of an officer suicide at the end, although nobody’s been able to confirm it was Murdoch).

You highlighted that the crew are showcased as inept, which may be the case with the stewards, but what about the officers? They all served faithfully to the end, (although more might’ve been done with that).

You’re spot on that Cameron’s characterisations are black and white, and more should’ve been made of the needless action (e.g. Billy Zane chasing them around the ship and shooting at them).

You seem to take umbrage with the fact that Titanic went from a movie to a phenomenon and attack the studio because they essentially acted as a studio should — by marketing (and re-marketing) the shit out of a hit. They would’ve been negligent if they hadn’t.

The whole review felt as if somebody said, ‘Let’s Plinkify Titanic!’ and somebody else said, ‘Great!’ And then you were too heavily invested in it by the time you realised it wasn’t unfolding as the other Plinkett reviews have.

I honestly can’t tell the difference between a bad actor and a good actor

Mr Plinkett you MUST do a review of The Hobbit. It sucks SOOO much ass it was hard not to walk out. Constant repeat imagery/sceen mashing from LOTR, a WILDLY different story from what is was and the CGI in this was just over teh top. It was truly awful and most people wont see that it sucks ass, but my brain did.

Great stuff! Keep ‘em coming!

“…most people are dumb and don’t like to be challenged intellectually or emotionally. They like the familiar and gravitate towards things that feel safe and non-confrontational.”

This pretty much sums up why 90% of the movies you watch these days are terrible.

Plinket you fat %@#$!

@ 23 minutes and 17 seconds in on part 2 of the Titanic review… Nailed it. Proof is the last US election of 2012.

2PAC “So Many Tears” starting ~32:00

Well, as annoying as Leo’s role was on Titanic, I still think he was great as Howard Hughes on the Aviator. I also enjoyed his role on Shutter Island.

Fuckin’ Tony!

Ah HA! I see what he did there with the Applebee’s…

CHECK YOUR FAX…. coz I sent you my address to get free Pizza Rolls.
When are my Pizza Rolls coming?
Fuck it. UNSUBSCRIBED

Another wonderful and insightful review by Mr. Plinkett and the RedLetterMedia team.
Kudos to you. I understand the time and hard work it must take to produce one of these reviews and it is much appreciated.

On that note. Please, please, PLEASE. Consider doing Star Trek V as your next one. I’m a long time and old school Trek fan, but that one deserves to be analyzed by you guys (or some would say raked over the coals).

Why does he keep calling Kate Winslet “Rose McGowan?”

Maybe the masses are hypnotized using visual and auditory mind control techniques, such as subliminals composed of a halo-like looking object in the background and a person put in front of the object to make the person appear as a saint and stuff like that (as they do in politics).

It seems that especially the American mainstream music industry since the 60s (or maybe sooner) is full of overt and covert occult symbolism. (So Bill Hicks making fun of Satan in rock music isn’t too far-fetched.) Even the Olympic Ceremonies this year have been blatantly full with these symbols and themes. They seem to appear much more often these days. The same seems to be the case with many modern American mainstream movies. Full of occult symbolism. Many actors (as well as many musicians) are apparently involved in occultism.

So I wonder if one can find a reasonable, proofable link between occultism in movies and music, psychopathy (sociopathy) and violence.

Noticed that little dig against Speed Racer. Too bad, since it’s one of the best and most self-aware action movies in the last decade or so.

Awesome entertainment!

Lets be fair…I really, really, really hated Leo when I first saw Titanic. I thought he was a boy-band wanna-be and really refused to watch many of his subsequent movies. Later, I found this to be a problem. Lets face it, that boy can act! Gangs of New York, The Aviator, The Departed, Blood Diamond, and Shutter Island. The man is pretty damn versatile as an actor. Kate? Well there was Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – which gets me laid every time I put it on (’cause my wife loves it so much and I just have to pretend to be Jim Carey)… Great commentary with the usual wit that drew me to RedLetterMedia int the first place. Hope you guys continue the first rate entertainment (er, ahm) critique.

When I switched from part 1 to part 2 I got to watch the same ad twice. Then the part 1 video played the same ad again, Great stuff.

Absolutely brilliant. Get these guys a show on HBO already.

Thank you, Plinkett. You help me live.

“this is where Tolkien fans get mad at us for calling that guy just some guy” No but it does seem like you’re going out of your way several times to NOT know the names of the characters and thus sound cool. Does gets annoying and makes you look like douches.

you should get George Lucas on your show, I think he’d be a fun guest

Hey, excuse me. I’d like to discuss some inconsistencies with these model ship sets… and how they differ somewhat from the real version. What? What’s not the right time? Oh, sorry. I just had some questions about the furniture.

Titanic? Where’s the black monster dicks review? Thanks for ruining christmas. Plinkett=The Grinch

Is it intentional that he keeps calling the characters the wrong names, and names the wrong actress as playing Rose?

Wow how did you not mention the 1943 titanic movie the third reich made, which is the version cameron ripped off directly– he just replaced the german with an american…old hollywood…

Scarlett Johanson is a good actor? Are you out of your fucking mind? Natalie Portman is like Glenn Close in comparison. Almost shut the review off after that.

I always thought that the mom was faking crying in that scene to make Rose feel bad.

Review something by Tim Burton, Plinkett… you must. Review Batman Returns. That lady’s head is a pizza roll. Eat her head, Plinkett.

I know that there are a ton of other movies out there for Mr. Plinkett to rip on, but I would like to hear his opinion on HOW THE HELL TWILIGHT IS SO POPULAR. He seems like someone who who would be able to figure out a question like that.

I’m sorry but was the thing about Leonardo DiCaprio being a bad actor a joke? Like part of Plinkett’s very obvious ignorance?

If not, then in what world?

You can say you don’t like DeCaprio, and I agree his role here definitely wasn’t his best, but to call him a bad actor is just false. And how was Gangs of New York ruined by him? True Daniel Day Lewis topped him but no one can top that guy, no one.

Not to mention Leo’s been nominated for three Oscars.

This is the only complaint I have with the review, but it’s just a very glaring one for me.