Horse Ninja – re:View

April 1, 2017135 Comments

Mike, Rich, and Freddie talk about their love for a bootleg of a long forgotten 1990’s made for TV movie called HORSE NINJA.


Filed in: re:View

  • Rick Sanchez

    APRIL FOOLS YOU FUCKS!

  • Percy Gryce

    Starring Len Kabasinski as Horse Ninja

  • Andrew Carter

    Why is a 90s TV movie in 16:9 aspect ratio, shouldn’t it be 4:3??? You HACK FRAUDS!!!!

  • Domo

    And Kiera Knightley as the light that fell into the shot.

    They get the best actors for these types of projects.

  • Stantz

    Len not that busy these days then?

  • redletterjay

    It is in 4:3.

  • Percy Gryce

    Why did they do Jack like that at the end?

  • Niels McAwesome

    Does this mean that Len will be in a new BotW as well? Because those scenes were clearly shot in the RLM studio/office. πŸ˜€

  • Percy Gryce

    Whoa, @redletterjay:disqus hasn’t posted here in months. Still got some love for us original RLM commenters?

  • Nathan Vaccaro

    Rich Evans does a good job selling it with his anecdotes

  • Michael Garraoui

    Whelp Len reads this stuff sometimes so if no one else is going to say it I will.

    “Len this is the most believable role you’ve ever had.” I kid, I kid….But I hope this means that you went to Milwaukee for something related to Bite of the Mummy

  • Kawaii as Fuck

    OooooooooOOOOOOoooooh HORSE NINJA!

  • Kawaii as Fuck

    *burps*

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    I’m not gay. But this makes me want to be gay, so I can fuck each and every one of you. Good job.

  • Captain Turbo

    I remember watching a bootleg of this about 10 years ago. When horse ninja cut that guy’s leg off and he tried to run away on the stump we laughed and laughed… good times.

  • Joe Syxpac

    The funny thing is that the director for this movie had the unfortunate real life name of Alan Smithee. Turned out he was unaware of the history of the name. Later on he would have his name legally changed to Zack Snyder to avoid further confusion.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Nah, he only comes in here once in a while to hang some air fresheners and take a picture for the shoe box.

  • Andy Baird

    meh… Samurai Sloth was a better representation of 90’s anthropomorphic cultural misappropriation IMO

  • Like Icare

    Not to be confused with a hoarse ninja.
    Who is just a regular ninja after a drunken karaoke night.

  • Aaron James

    The fight choreography in Horse Ninja was better than in Iron Fist.

  • Like Icare

    Ah! A ninja turtles reference.

  • Like Icare

    What do you mean? He never looked that good.

  • Travoltron

    This actually aired here in the Seattle area, albeit in a really lousy timeslot. It was something like 3am; I had to set the timer on my VCR to record it. At the time, I was so disappointed that it was nothing like the comic, so I ended up taping over it with episodes of Batman: The Animated Series. I really wish I wouldn’t have, seeing how rare it is.

  • The Loon

    Took me 3 minutes to realize what this was…So technically I fell for it…Not mad

  • playdude92 .

    yΒ΄know, I thought the same thing.

  • I saw Pre-Rec on Ass Effect Mandrama and I was like “nuh uh” and then I saw this in the related videos and I was like “wait a sec” and then I looked at the date and I was like “oh.”

  • A mutated jockey trained the horse ninja? Is this part of the Left 4 Dead expanded universe?

  • frankelee

    They put more work into this than they did Space Cop. And that took 12 years to make.

  • frankelee

    Don’t insult the man’s prolificness.

  • frankelee

    It took me 90 seconds to figure out why they made a fake video…Livid

  • EJ

    I was like, wait a minute, I didn’t realize they made those horse masks back in 1990… oh. Because something this stupid definitely could have happened in the 90s.

  • RLMkeepitup

    okay you got me at first. only because with the movies you guys watch honestly this one doesn’t seem a stretch!

  • Angela

    I was feeling pretty smug about figuring that out right away, then realized it was pretty obvious. Nice to see him though.

  • Robotpals

    For some reason, this makes me really look forward to the Len Kabizinski episode of BOTW Selection Series.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Ah, you almost fooled me there for a second.

    It’s obviously Matt Hannon

  • Len Kabasinski was, and forever will be, the definitive Horse Ninja no matter how many reboots the studio makes with this IP.

  • Stirling Netzlaw

    I actually googled this shit cause I forgot what day it was today.

  • wasabi50

    mwmeh…

  • sigaba

    Meta conveyor-

    * RLM makes low-budget movies
    * RLM makes recaps of low-budget movies
    * RLM makes reviews of current films and nerd topics
    * RLM makes satirical nerd topic podcasts mocking nerd podcasts
    * RLM makes satirical recaps mocking recaps of low-budget movies

    Best moment:

    Freddie: “Then there was the Archie Horse Ninja…”
    [Rich Evans snorts]

  • Ret Marut

    Has RLM jumped the proverbial shark? Oh, It’s April 1. But that ends at noon….

  • LameSame

    No no, that’s Vin Diesel.

  • LameSame

    What? It is in 4:3 though. How are you watching this? Because those clips are definitely 4:3.

  • the_great_laertes

    I want a poster of that Horse Ninja vs. Predator design.

  • Admiral Bone-to-Pick

    Isn’t ‘Horse Ninja’ a reference to a fictitious comic that featured on one of your earlier Half-in-the-Bag episodes a couple years ago? That’s why I didn’t fall for it!

  • Officer Meow Meow Fuzzyface

    Mano y Horso

  • Officer Meow Meow Fuzzyface

    Needs more Cameron Mitchell

  • LameSame

    There is a new episode of Rick and Morty on right now and nobody is talking about it! Out of nowhere!

  • lloydbeatz

    soooo goddamn good.

  • Like Icare

    You didn’t go to admiral school for nothin!

  • Nusstopher

    My thinking exactly.

  • bernverdnardo

    Very cool.

  • Mark Bisone

    ::::: FINAL POST :::::

    Hey everybody. Just wanted to chime in one last time, and let you all know how much fun I’ve had these past eight-odd years. You’ve all been so creative, generous and wonderful (Yes, yes. Even you).

    Since these are my last words with regards to anything RLM related, I wanted to lift the mask, tip the cards, and let you all know who I really am. Despite my reputation as debonair, urbane sociopath from the streets of New York, with a rap battle rep and a way with the ladies… nothing could be further from the truth.

    As a (very) few of you already know, my real name is Regina Foley. I am a 63 year-old native of Seminole, Oklahoma, and have never lived anywhere else on the planet. I am the proud mother of two daughters (Elizabeth and Caroline), and three gorgeous grandchildren (Peter, Elaine and Shaka). I’m also the “mommy” to four other furry or feathered “kids”, even though my dear boy Trouble passed just three days ago. So I suppose it’s down to three, now.

    Pretending to be something I’m not, all these years has given me a lot of pleasure, and even a bit of hope. I lost all feeling beneath my chest back in 1997, thanks to a pretty bad accident with a corrugation machine at the Holly plant up in Tulsa. I lived on worker’s compensation (and charity) for nearly twenty years, and RLM was really my only creative outlet, and posting here was the one activity that kept me from going totally nuts. I suspect many of you know what I’m talking about.

    I’m moving on, now. A big change has happened in my life, and it requires the kind of dedication and energy that this beautiful place could only distract from. Thanks to my (miraculous?) selection for a cutting edge surgical experiment, it appears that I may have the chance to someday walk again.

    I love you all, but I need to do this. For Lainey, for Petey and for Shaka. For Rascal and Dunkin and Miss T.

    From the bottom of my heart and soul, I will miss you all.

    Love,

    Regina “Gramma Ginny” “Mark” Foley

  • Thanks for watching J. Glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

  • Yea…I thought they’d get Kane Hodder or someone….I’m glad I got the call. No one out-ninjas me. Jk

  • πŸ™‚

  • Well thanks Aaron. Maybe if everyone could lobby for me to be iron fist…I’d nail it. My fav marvel character πŸ™‚

  • Oh I don’t know….it’s prolly a top 3er for sure on the believability scale. As for BOTM….you may be wrong….but you may be right.

  • You are rather astute Niels! Hope ya stick around πŸ™‚

  • Not that much really. HELLCAT’S REVENGE is finishing post. ANGEL OF RECKONING recently released. BLOOD PRISM just wrapped filming….and just took gold in fighting at a huge karate tournament where I took out champs from Trinidad and Detroit. Other than time working on my new house and running around with my kids….I’m just hanging out enjoying Absolute, watching MR X by Godfrey Ho and replying to posts

  • That’s exactly right. I’m like…totally insulted or something.

  • It was shot in 4:3. Promise. I have inside knowledge.

  • Thanks for watching Percy! Have a good one

  • Thanks for checking it out beatz!

  • Agreed. The man is missed.

  • Percy Gryce

    Sir Leonard in da house!

  • andychrist

    horse ninja vs shaolin sheep was one of those sequels that was slightly better than the original , although the zebra boxer scene was rubbish – how could he tie his gloves ? pig puncher may have tied them but he was in the next room .
    also during the giraffe grappler / elephant assassin ambush – horse ninja had been clearly replaced by a shetland pony to make the attackers seem larger.

  • Papa Figo

    And since John Candy’s passing, very few could out-horse you either.

    Was this reference too obscure? Because I was thinking about going with Allan Lane. I have a thing for movies with talking horses…

  • Mike Magnum

    Frankly i think its about time you make a glorious return to the show.

  • Stantz

    Glad to see you still take the time to muck around with your mates, and to chat to us guys. Truly an honour, Sir.

  • Stantz

    No offence meant or intended. I actually made that comment before I saw the credits and guessed it was Len based solely on HHorse Ninja’s… physique. We hardly see any coverage of Len ‘s work on this side of the pond so his catalogue isn’t that readily availble here. T’was meant only in the spirit of the piece

  • Percy Gryce

    Nah, his hair couldn’t fit under the horse mask.

  • Ateo

    Very nice work… they had me for a while. I was so close to googling until the Eastman and Laird’s dejected brothers bit… then I was like ‘waaaaait a minute’

  • Ateo

    Great job… they had me for a while. I was so close to googling until the Eastman and Laird’s dejected brothers bit… then I was like ‘waaaaait a minute’

  • Robotpals

    You must get really tired of people misspelling your name. Especially since, you know, it’s RIGHT THERE..

  • Joe Syxpac

    Wait, that’s a mask?

    I guess it isn’t Matt.

  • Sorry, who are you?

  • ikdks

    That glorious ponytail!

  • LameSame

    April 1st is a terrible time to do this.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    Glad you could get that … off your chest.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    1. Rich is a terrible actor. Lovable but terrible. I think it’s called “indicating”.
    2. All of you, stop saying “furmiliar!”
    3. That horse is hung like Len Kabasinski.

  • RLMkeepitup

    the biggest captains log i’ve ever seen! the 1 post they don’t want you to know

  • Mark Bisone

    I’m where the law stops.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    Yeah, not too far removed from the real movie they did, Things.

  • EJ

    Freddie does a pretty good job of selling it.

  • LOL….my vanilla absolute almost came out my nose there.

  • thanks man. i really love micro/low budget cinema…,,all i watch pretty much is the amazon firestick. for example, im watching LA CRACKDOWN as i talk to you now lol

  • haha. well…..if the shoe fits….

  • Neuroticmoose

    You didn’t remember the Horse Ninja bit Mike and Rich did forever ago?

  • Are you the real Len?

  • of course.

  • Rad. Pleasure to meet you. Also, what’s the going rate for hiring you as a bodyguard?

  • thanks for watching everyone. im glad its received a huge response πŸ™‚ it was fun even though I was suffocating and couldn’t see anything πŸ™‚ I have a new site and new merch thing… http://www.killerwolffilms.com and http://www.cafepress.com/killerwolffilms . thanks again, I hope you guys can see ANGEL OF RECKONING….im curious to hear the responses good or bad.

  • πŸ™‚ usually pizza, dragonfire chicken, and absolute vodka work…..

  • Red Skeleton

    Thanks but I would have rather had Bite of the Mummy.

  • Red Skeleton

    Sorta got me. I remembered Horse Ninja coming up before but I couldn’t remember the context. Of course the strange backstory sounded ridiculous but I thought maybe it was sarcasm, so I googled it to get the real scoop, and yeah…

  • you just may get your wish…..

  • Brian Levine

    Took me 6 freaking minutes to get it. I am beyond lame. Like if you agree.

  • RLMkeepitup

    a picture of rich evens is the #4 post on reddit.. comments mostly pizza rolls

  • LameSame

    Horse Ninja hentai is pretty hot. I can only get off to tentacle porn and horse ninja hentai now. THANKS, INTERNET

  • LameSame

    Can’t wait to watch it, good sir.

  • Thanatos

    Will Horse Ninja show up in the Justice League movie? He might actually make it better by doing so.

  • Thanatos

    You guys should have called up Malcom McDowell to see if he’d do the voiceover. He doesn’t seem that busy these days.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Instead of bringing back Superman they are just going to have Horse Ninja take his place in the League.

  • Michael Garraoui

    Oh yeah Len I wanted to tell you I watched Blood Mercury awhile back.

    I just want you to know we are all very disappointed in you, your skill is improving and dare I say, competent. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ENJOY YOUR MOVIES IF YOU’RE COMPETENT!?!?!?

  • xDiscipleOfTheWatchx

    Had me going for a few minutes.

  • Red Skeleton

    My life is filled with hope again. False hope, perhaps, but hope nonetheless.

  • Brian Levine

    Done and done.

  • Brian Levine

    Shaka…when the walls fell.

  • ikdks

    I never realized how much the bad guy in Darkman is supposed to be Donald Trump.

  • Benedict’s American Accent

    My wife would pay you to beat me up when my snoring gets to her at 3am.

  • jimmy

    Meh… I like when they’re more real, rather than acting to make sh*t up. I think this following a nerd potcast feels like to much forced and phony stuff. I’m looking forward to the next BOTW. I’m surprised they didn’t do a Kong HITB, but instead did Power Rangers. Maybe they’re waiting to do Kong with something else.

    I only made it through a few minutes of this. I’ll come back later, but again, this just feels too forced to me.

  • RLMkeepitup

    i bought into it for a few minutes so arguably their best acting yet? i dunno though, Jay wasn’t bad in space cop

  • John

    It was an April fools joke…

  • LameSame

    I feel you, I do. I still enjoyed this, but I know where you’re coming from. I was actually looking at the three most recent videos they did, and thought I’d feel even better about this one if it wasn’t preceded by a Nerd Crew and a Power Rangers review. I wish they hadn’t done Power Rangers of all things. But I still really enjoyed this! I think contextually, it’s a bit of an embarrassment of ironic riches, but in the grand scheme of things it’s a great video and oh my god I’m putting myself to sleep. But yeah.

  • LameSame

    He understands this.

  • Jordan Oas

    Not in America. It’s all day here.

  • Thiver

    Are you talking about the same Malcom McDowell who always has at least ten new films that have not yet come out on his IMDb page?

  • Tommy Wiseau

    Len! Maybe you and I can do team-up for next film? Tommy is feeling as young as a Spring chicken!

  • yes.

  • id have been laughing all thru filming it…I don’t know how he gave such an awesome performance!

  • Garland Ragland

    Honestly, the real stuff they actually watch seem more of an April Fools joke than this.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    When I saw the title I thought to myself, “Wait, someone made a Horse Ninja movie?” Then I saw the date the video was posted.

  • RLMkeepitup

    smart man. rich and jack did a mass effect review the same day that was also a goof

  • The Loon

    To be fair …The original Fantastic 4 had worse production/hangover

  • Andrew Holden Mazur

    I believd it till’ the credits

  • DanceOfBirther

    Now that Don Rickles is dead, maybe a 3 film salute is in order?

  • LavaLamp

    This was awesome.
    Horse Ninja vs Predator would be much better than either AvP for certain.

  • Yuhaddabia “Big Shot” Dijna

    I just caught up with this video today, a week later, so the timing of the April Fool’s thing was lost on me. I saw Warren Oates in a clip and was puzzled, because I didn’t know exactly when Warren Oates died, but had a hard time believing he had stooped this low (Mr Oates died in 1982, long before he could have appeared in a TV pilot made in the 90s).

    God, I feel so stupid….

    I mean COME ON! WARREN FUCKING OATES???!!!!

  • Jean-FranΓ§ois Martel

    okay i know this was a joke for April Fool’s but i have two things to say
    1) This totally sounds like a movie Bojack Horseman would make
    2) You should review the X-Men Generation x tv movie made in the 90’s for FOX. I’d be down for a review show about shitty TV movies

  • Percy Gryce

    I always say that when Len shows up. He’s a good sport and a dedicated collector of B-movie posters. So he’s all right in my book.

  • Again, thanks for watching everyone! I hope you all consider checking out our campaign here…thanks for your time <3 https://www.patreon.com/killerwolffilms?alert=2

  • junkevil

    That game is terrible and I consider that review to be legit.

  • R2D2

    Curse of the Wolf 2 … Because the fans demand it.

  • hmmmm. I almost like the sound of that R2. hang in there πŸ™‚

  • Brett Burrett

    Hook line and sinker

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