Silent House and John Carter

  • Phlegmbot

    Whoops, you guys stated that John Carter isn’t “high-brow, high-concept sci-fi.” Actually, John Carter IS high-concept sci-fi. A high concept movie is one for the masses; a low concept movie is one that’s more for a smaller, specific audience. Great review otherwise!

  • johnny blaze

    Taylor Kitsch has no personality and is boring to watch, he just growls his lines. Not only that but this movie reminded me of Phantom Menace, like a CGI cartoon with a “story” so jumbled together it don’t make no sense, I could only watch a third of this stupid thing.

  • Lachlan

    Not quite correct, describing a film as high concept simply means it has a premise that can be defined in a simple, succinct phrase. For example, a film like The Truman Show is high concept because its premise is easily described in the phrase “A man lives who has unknowingly lived his entire life on a reality TV show begins to question his reality”. Whether or not something is high concept or not has little to do with its target demographic.

  • How is Jay not a scifi fan?

  • Plinket said in the reviews that he does not care what is in the books and expanded universe, and I assume that would include all that clone wars nonsense.

  • John Carter

    Plingo plango bot thorkus frango frang

  • This was an extremely boring film that I found myself looking elsewhere in the room to avoid watching much of the time. Much of the problem is that they did stray heavily from the source material which was a pretty simple story of a guy getting into the middle of a civil war and ending it with the help of some “savages”. Then he gets laid. That’s it. 150 pages. This mess, with the Therns and the dude with the glove and Carter’s hidden secret pain that wasn’t that interesting that it needed to be kept secret (basically Gladiator’s “dead family” motivation). I like one review I read that mentions the movie has no less than three introductions (Mars, Carter Resurrected, Carter in trouble with Walter White). All in all a pretty terrible film.

  • Guest

    Why is John Carter able to jump 100ft into the air and swing 10-ton folders with ease? So unrealistic and just fake and stupid and disney. Sucked

  • Tristan Pendergrass

    You realize it’s not the same Plinkett? They are in two different continuities.

  • donk

    You have it backwards, fan. Mr. Plinkett was a character in a student film first. Apparently, then, Mike adapted the character for the reviews.

  • dump

    Your description of the John Carter plot ranks among your best comedy. Maybe it was already comedy?

  • mike

    stop reviewing and make movies!!

  • Vincent

    Plinkitt is mike…not that guy who dresses up like him

  • bb-15

    Just saw John Carter last night on Blu-ray. The story was made much too serious. It’s basically a dumb Conan/Flash Gordon character. the filmmakers should’ve just stripped away almost all of the serious background stuff on earth and gone with getting John Carter to Mars and sticking with that.

  • La casa Muda which was the “rec” to this movie’s “quarantine” was of course incomparable, but I’m not quite sure I got it! I was actually convinced Mike and Jay had seen it. I’m a bit let down.

  • zero_miles_per_hour

    The explanation in the books is that the planet is low gravity.

  • zero_miles_per_hour

    It looks like Andrew Stanton doesn’t have much use for real actors, and possibly even views them as a liability. Also, John Carter of Mars is extremely similar to Avatar in concept.

  • Did you guys ever see the movie “Martha Marcy May Marlene” that Elizabeth Olsen was in a couple years ago? Pretty damn well done.

  • ColinJ

    Mike nailed it. The first half of the original SILENT HOUSE was awesome and scary as hell. But then it unveiled its ‘twist’ and it all went to shit after that.

    Sounds like the remake did exactly the same thing.

  • decora

    “never begin your film with an alarm clock going off”

    unless its like 100 alarm clocks and there is an automatic robot arm dispensing dog food and burning toast.

  • Kyle

    They never state that they did not know Elizabeth Olsen.

  • lmdo

    Mars is low gravity, but not enough. Assuming that his legs store about the same amount of energy, he’d be able to jump about 1.5 meters in the air. Being generous I’d be willing to give him 2, 3 tops. Definitely not 30 as in the movie.

  • aa

    The story existed long before Conan and Flash Gordon, you can’t just strip it away.

  • Debao

    Didn’t Synecdoche, New York open with an alarm clock going off?

  • Gus

    Gerry … I see what you did there.

  • kure kure kure

    Did Jay just refer to the beyond-bizarre Japanese children’s show “Kure-kure Tako-ra” as “My Left Foot”, starring Daniel Day-Lewis? That’s… freaking awesome.

  • kure kure kure

    I dunno, but almost every single scene of “Groundhog Day” did…

  • kure kure kure

    I’ve always thought of Mike, Rich, and Plinkett as several sides of the same three-headed coin, like Picard, Shinzon and Palpatine…

  • Mike Jakermen

    Mainly because Avatar is based on John Carter. I mean the books were written 1917.

  • Sully

    Considering the book was written 100 years ago, I’d say the fact that he (Burroughs) got that detail close to right is amazing.

  • Sully

    I thought John Carter (of Mars) was great. It really was like an old throwback to the better days of Hollywood before they began pumping out pure bile. People/critics complained that “the action was dated”, “It’s a rip off of Star Wars, Conan, and/or Avatar”, but the truth is, the stories this movie was based on inspired all of those films. Princess Leia is a direct rip off of Dejah Thoris. Superman was based off of John Carter. I’ll do a comparison to illustrate.

    Superman / John Carter

    -Both from another world.

    -Both began heroes based on their extraordinary abilities.

    -Both gain strength via their new alien worlds

    The love story between John Carter and the Princess of Mars is just like Jake Sully and the Chief’s daughter in Avatar. The arena scene in John Carter that everyone says was ripped off from Attack of the Clones. That comparison is actually backwards.

    I really hate that JC didn’t get the love that it deserved in theatres. I just hope it gets the Tron treatment with a decent sequel, though that seems doubtful at the moment.

  • AlcaldeEste

    What is ‘close to right’? Wrong by a factor of ~20?
    Or is it amazing that he even knew anything about Mars in 1912? I mean, they didn’t have telescopes in the 20th century, right? They certainly didn’t have the Theory of Gravity back then!

  • Carl

    You young men r so cruel to take advantage of an elderly person. i am an elderly person, and I was taken advantage of by a party of bandits who stole my clothing. Soon i will be dead.

  • John Carter must die

    Jesus Christ Sully are you new to the idea of story telling or something? People from another world getting strength in a new environment predates books so calm down.

  • Quinn

    You made my day

  • Adolf


  • Alex Lee

    I have to agree with Jay on this one. Too much jargon and factions really bogs the story down. It probably should have just stayed as a palace intrigue story and doesn’t introduce the aliens at this time.

  • Grady Brinn

    they did have the theory of gravity back then….

  • Cameron Vale

    You wanna hear something that oddly resembles John Carter Of Mars, try Super Mario. They both have all those hero’s-journey-type qualities in common, in addition to their famous super-jumps; and even the little details match in odd ways. For example, the love interest is indicated to the audience in some other ridiculously over-the-top way in addition to being a princess (Mario’s princess is also a fellow displaced human for some reason; John Carter’s princess from the original books is constantly naked). And they’re both chiefly defined by their strangely apt previous occupations (plumber; soldier).

  • Zach McDonald

    Right over your head.

  • Alex Lee

    Given that people back then though the moon was made out of cheese, just making the assumption that Mars would have low gravity is as good of a guess as can be expected.

  • stripeyunderpants

    I love Mike’s synopsis of John Carter of Mars. It really fragnokked my jor-thann nango. Tox motassis!

  • TapewormBike

    Mirgo kahatheken you!

  • Darren Higham

    Also The Sith from Star Wars are named after giant predatory insects of the same name from the John Carter novels

  • Baron Teapot

    Falafel waffle moffle boffle!

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, now you gonna mix race into this? Classy.

  • Robert Fitl

    Outrageous Fortune was the first rated R film I ever saw.

  • roaroar roarar



  • Lat

    So I just noticed there is a “For Sale” sign in the window of the house that is supposed to be Plinkett’s house. Can I get the address so I can buy it and move in???

  • Justin Lee

    Awe I love Bob Ross

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    hey, it’s Arvo Part’s “Spiegel im Spiegel” again!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Is your apartment rent-controlled?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It is a much more evocative title. I guess they thought “John Carter” by itself sounded cooler. 😐

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I did find it hard to take any of it too seriously. So maybe they should’ve just upped the camp instead.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Mike? Are you talking to yourself?

  • Gary V

    C’mon, I’ve watched “My Left Foot” on DVD….

  • Bobdabuilder

    Given that this is three years late, you might’ve figured this out already, but … what the hell, I’ll tell you anyway. Mike is the guy who does the Plinkett reviews. Rich Evans does the live action Plinkett. It’s been that way since the beginning.


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