Half in the Bag: White House Down and The Lone Ranger

July 11, 20131,065 Comments

Mike and Jay discuss two recent flops that both have the exact same poster.


Filed in: General UpdatesHalf in the Bag

  • Hungry Hobo

    Where’s my Gundam review you hacks

  • James MacLovin Treanor

    Jay’s beard = Awesome!!!

  • Guest

    Hooray! Finally more Half in the Bag!

  • spinachleaf

    The Daily Telegraph, a pretty sensible UK paper, rather likes the Lone Ranger:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/filmreviews/10171584/The-Lone-Ranger-review.html

  • SegerRos

    Mike Stoklasa is my husbando.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Wow, that Summer Camp looks like must-see-TV!, said people who should commit suicide immediately.

  • Reid Osborn

    My fix! Gotta have my fix!

  • fdfddf

    jay you look like a rapist

  • Timothy J Greeley

    No world war Z??

  • Marvin Falz

    Mike’s comical faces are the funniest!

  • Butthole

    Thanks. Thanks for nothing.

  • Reid Osborn

    Seriously, Mike totally losing it in his opening monologue was priceless.

  • yup

    Ha screw you Blip, id rather wait through 90 sec of nothing then watch ads thanks

  • guest

    You’re not screwing Blip by doing that; you’re screwing RLM.

  • jimmy

    dumbass

  • stolliosis

    Jesus, it is about time. I was having withdrawals.

  • or pick a name

    Isn’t that Jess job?

  • Kyle

    It’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. There yah go.

  • John Smith

    Fuck blip. I’ll wait longer.

  • gega

    I had to keep pausing/rewinding bits throughout this vid cause I kept losing it over Mike’s reaction to his ‘favorite’ Emmerich movie

  • Max B.

    Fast zombies are gay.

  • jayisfuckablenow

    Jay looks really hot with that scruff.

    I want to fuck him.

  • Baboon

    It was about time, you hacks. How can I laugh at the Lone Ranger without you pointing out why I should laugh at it, since I have no intentions of watching schlock.

  • John Jay

    I think “The Lone Ranger” would have been best served if it had been “tonally” in line with Raiders of the Lost Ark or Maverick. There are only two directors that have pulled that off… Steven Spielberg and Richard Donner. The script also needed a lot of work.

  • penispants

    He was way cuter in the Phantom Menace review.

  • FlawFilial

    Not to mention, in China, Iron Man’s nemesis “The Mandarin” had to be called “Man Daren.”
    Even though the Mandarin was a rich white guy in the movie, we still feel like we’re stepping on eggshells when it comes to China. Fuck it. Fuck everything.
    Who’s been fucking with my medicine?

  • Paul Schumann

    I have to disagree with Jay on one point. The Lone Ranger as a concept would have drawn in the “family” demographic but reviews by folks like Stephen Greydanus alerted them that it trashed the source material and was basically a poke in the eye to anyone who wanted to see a hero save the day and espouse traditional values like the old ranger did.
    Also the Western genre isn’t dead. While Cowboys & Aliens could have used a better name, Django was too long, its still a setting that has promise, provided a good writing team does the job. The “Red Dead” shooter games are acclaimed for a reason. The old six shooter will never go out of style.
    Great point by Jay at the end about how we can’t have a classic hero to root for anymore.

  • Brady Hall

    I am conflicted with all your stuff because 95%-ish of all your reviews and videos are amazingly, hilariously great, but that other 5% is completely unnecessary misogyny stuff. This review, for instance, went 12.5 whole minutes where it was nothing but critical discussion of the movie, the plot, the characters, the director and then the minute you start focusing on the biggest female character its about the bags under her eyes and how old she looks, then you move on to talk about the acting of the male characters. Seriously, the only commentary you have of the female cast member is about her appearance. I would wager that your most popular videos are the Star Wars prequel ones which are also almost all awesome except for the completely random “I am killing hookers in my basement” vignettes which do nothing except remind us that you have some serious fratty bro tendencies. Please cut that shit out!

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Yes: kindly do make a point of disabling ABP for the boys. I do it, and Blip never fails to amuse with the offensive and excruciatingly embarrassing pandering to morons in their advertising. I’ve learned to enjoy it.

    Either that, or donate at the upper right of the page.

  • RichEvansPanties

    Can we have a Half in the Bag/Best of the Worst crossover?

  • spinachleaf

    Maverick is an excellent example of a cowboy franchise brought back from the dead that it turned out everybody did want to see. Mostly because it was done well.

  • guest

    So any time they make fun of a male actor it’s okay, but if they say anything about an actress, it’s automatically mysogyny?

  • UnShame

    You’re an idiot.

  • Brady Hall

    No.

  • FlawFilial

    Wait, “hookers getting murdered in a basement by a 100-year-old man” is “fratty?” I guess that’s what bros do after a few shots, I guess…
    Plus, I think they were sort of blaming the lighting for portraying her in an unflattering light.
    Dude… get over yourself.

  • diehounderdoggen

    All I could think of during The Lone Ranger was how much I’d rather be watching Dead Man, an infinitely better Western about crazy people starring Johnny Depp.

  • base

    Watch their Sucker Punch review. There’s nothing mysogynistic about these guys outside of the context of the Plinkett character.

  • Blaggut

    I’m all for pointing out inequity and misogyny but I think you’re seeing it when it wasn’t there. Maybe you need to talk about how neither of these films have female leads and therefore Jay and Mike can’t get anything substantive on the actresses?

  • diehounderdoggen

    Coincidentally, it also features a cannibal and a greedy industrialist as villains. There’s also the smarter indian sidekick and themes of separation from Western society.

    I smell a conspiracy…

  • Sully

    They dug into Channing because he’s a horrible actor, no matter what film he’s in. They didn’t bother to talk about Maggie’s acting because, well, who the fuck was she in the movie? She’s not the protagonist, so who gives a shit?

  • Brady Hall

    I could talk about that, but I am talking about some other stuff instead.

  • Ben Robson

    i agree that the Maggie Gyllenhall comments seemed like they were in poor taste, but I’ve always thought the “Mr Plinkett kills women” aspect of the Plinkett reviews were just a hyperbolized play on nerd sterotypes, like the rest of his character. Instead of just being a socially awkward, sheltered manchild who is bad with women and cares too much about Star Wars, he is a shut-in 100+ year old man who kills women and makes hour-long Star Wars reviews in his spare time. I don’t think that’s indicative of “fratty” tendencies.

  • Baló Timár

    Yes, I can see that working. Maybe somebody had a similar idea about an Indiana Jones-esque adventure film before executive meddling completely fucked the movie in the ass. This fucking film gave me Phantom Menace flashbacks with it’s schizophrenic tone.

  • Brady Hall

    They talked about James Woods a bunch and he is not the protagonist of the movie.

  • Sully

    He’s the antagonist.

  • Robephiles

    I agree that what they said about Maggie Gyllenhaal came off as sexist. They did say that the lighting was bad but they also said she always looks like “a turtle.” This is not the first time I have seen heard them say things in their reviews that I have found sexist but this one seemed the most obvious and random.
    I am not offended by the dark jokes in the Plinkett reviews though. They serve an obvious satirical purpose though I do think they go on too long sometimes.

  • Brady Hall

    You haven’t hung out with many fratty bros, then, because raping/killing hookers is like the cornerstone of the fratty bro comedic repertoire! Beyond that, there are a million ways they could flesh out the completely pointless character of the guy who reviews movies, but they chose to make the main part “I kidnap and torture prostitutes.” Because that is really crucial to a 14 hour treatise about Star Wars. Somehow.

  • Ben Robson

    Mr. Plinkett was a character who existed before the Star Wars reviews were even made.

  • Brady Hall

    The statement you just posted is correct. Since he is the antagonist, should I ask who gives a shit?

  • Brady Hall

    And?

  • Blaggut

    I don’t get what you’re talking about. They couldn’t discuss the female characters better, there wasn’t enough to get into. Also I disagree with your idea that their Plinkett skits are sexist and indicative of misogyny, that would only be the case if you bought into the character of Plinkett being relatable or share the views of the creators. I think of Plinkett as being a horrible, twisted character, not someone who’s actions are acceptable or admirable.

  • FlawFilial

    What about that one time, while reviewing “Looper,” Mike made fun of Bruce Willis for looking like Mr. Magoo? What, does he hate male actors too?

  • Brady Hall

    That is a nice opinion. I am thoroughly surprised that I saw it in the comments section of a movie review site.

  • JAGUART

    Space Cop! Save Us!

  • rikkibarnes

    It’s pretty obvious you get off on being senselessly argumentative. Let’s not give this guy anymore jerk off material.

  • Sully

    Saying Maggie Gyllenhaal looks “tired” or “like a turtle” isn’t really sexist though. It’s more actor-specific criticism. They aren’t directing their opinions towards *all* women, just this one.

  • FT

    Who is the worst?
    – The film industry with action games and lazy ideas.
    – The game industry, with more movie moments, but always repeating gameplay ideas.
    I think during an year, just one or two movies, the same for games, gets my atention.

  • guest

    Yeah, Silence of the Lambs was a really fratty bro movie too.

  • Ben Robson

    he’s not supposed to be a sympathetic character. you aren’t supposed to root for Mr Plinkett. In the context of the Star Trek/Wars reviews, the fact that he is a serial killer isn’t supposed to be funny as it’s own joke – it’s a setup. this psychopathic serial killer is also obsessed with critically analyzing Star Wars prequels. the joke is in the absurdity of that premise. if you don’t find that funny, that’s fine, but there is nothing inherently misogynist about it.

  • Violated Understanding

    Indeed, Mike, I hear what you are saying about entering the White House. This one time I thought it would be rather hilarious to go in there, only to take all of my clothes off. The secret service was not amused and I was fucked.

  • Baló Timár

    Yes, it was a much better film. Then again, Jim Jarmusch has a bit more… artistic integrity as a director and he didn’t have Disney watching over his shoulder when he made that film.

  • chud

    SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT AN ACTRESS IN ANY WAY IS SEXIST!

  • Brady Hall

    Ya don’t say?

  • Nadine

    I had sex with Mr. Plinkett last night.

    He owes me a pizza roll.

  • Robephiles

    That would be true if they ever said anything about a male actors appearance. I cannot remember when they ever have. It is not sexist because of what they say, it is sexist because that is the only thing they say about her.

    I once heard a man say that The Dark Knight was flawed because it was unbelievable that Christian Bale and Aaron Eckhart would go nuts over a woman as unattractive as Maggie Gyllenhaal. That was incredibly sexist to me as well.

    Gyllenhaal does not look like Megan Fox but she is hardly unattractive. That is irrelevant though. We shouldn’t be talking about what she looks like as opposed to her acting.

  • Dutchrudder!

    I hate this Blip player. It doesn’t matter what browser I use, I can’t get it to play commercials instead of that 90 second pause. It’s really annoying.

  • Ben Robson

    that’s weird. you don’t have adblock on, do you?

  • Sully

    If it makes you feel better.

    Story-telling 101: There’s a protagonist (the “hero”) and an antagonist (someone/thing who antagonizes the protagonist). These two together creates what is known as “conflict.” The resolution of this conflict is the point of the story. Nothing or no one else matters. You could’ve changed Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character to an elderly black man or removed the character all together and the conflict of the story would still be resolvable.

  • Guest

    Oh yeah, they are really misogynistic. That’s why they spent the whole review of Sucker Punch taking jabs at the objectification of women. Also, hasn’t it occurred to you that perhaps the Plinkett character is a SATIRE of a woman-hater?

  • Dennis Cornetta

    Jay beard! JAY BEEEEAAARD!

  • obriencj

    So basically what I’m getting out of Lone Ranger is that it’s another goddamned Green Hornet.

  • FlawFilial

    Oh, stop it…
    Do we seriously need more examples of Mike and Jay making fun of male entertainers for their appearance? How about during an opening skit for Half in the Bag.
    Mike: Hey, Jay, look!
    Jay: What is it? Jay Leno’s chin?
    Mike: No… no, that would be TOO BIG to miss.

  • Ignacio Rodriguez-Trelles

    I don’t know if you guys noticed but I can always tell in an interview when an actor regrets being born just for being in that movie.

  • Brad Pitt

    What about World War Z?

  • John Jay

    The sad thing is, I’m sure some executive will say, “It bombed because it was a Western.” Or, because “No one remembers the Lone Ranger.” No, it bombed because of the aforementioned.

  • Brady Hall

    By your rubric they didn’t need to mention her at all, which would make bringing her up solely to bash her looks even more stupid.

  • RobephilesIsADickHead

    Actors RLM have made fun of their appearance:

    Bruce Willis, Hayden Christensen, Jay Leno, Kevin Smith, the people in Galaxy Invader (both men and women), etc etc etc.

  • SuperDaveGsan

    That’s not misogyny. Misogyny is hating women. Clearly they love women.

  • Sully

    They made a comment that she looked “old.” Apparently they thought it stood out, as in she typically doesn’t look that way. They made no mention of Jamie Foxx’s acting or appearance at all, does that make Mike & Jay racists now?

  • Baló Timár

    Nobody cares about Wolrd War Z (and that’s fine with me).

  • Marvin Falz

    Also whitelist Blip and redlettermedia.com in Ghostery.

  • Brady Hall

    Yes. Yes it does.

  • Sully

    Trolling it is.

  • Brady Hall

    Ask a stupid question…

  • Dudemeister

    Where’s the next AVGN? Oh, wait…

    Btw. you guys should do a crossover with him. 😛

    And, yeah, great episode of HITB. Been looking forward to it.

  • Sully

    Don’t feed the trolls.

  • Sully

    Attract idiots?

  • Ben Robson

    that would be an abysmal disaster

  • Robephiles

    That is not in the context of reviews. They have made jokes about certain celebrities. They also talked about how the entire cast of Galaxy Invader was ugly I remember. That is not the same thing.

    The distinction is blurred because Half in the Bag is both a comedy show and a movie review show but there is a distinctive difference between making a joke about someone’s appearance in the context of a comedy skit and then stopping in the middle of an intelligent analysis of a film to make comments about the actresses appearance.

    The comments they made about Gyllenhaal did not seem to be about making a joke. They were completely serious when they said them.

    Also, the jokes they have made about several of the celebrities that you have mentioned were fairly tame. The jokes about Hayden Christensen have been about how he is “too handsome.” That must really get under his skin.

  • El_Runko

    Wendigo…. I hoped you would mention Antonia Bird’s Ravenous. Masterpiece.

  • Dutchrudder!

    Did that, but it still doesn’t work. It’s probably some webblocking stuff from the network at work 🙂

  • capitandelespacio

    My two midwestern hipsters moaning about movies! The best moment of my week, yay!

  • Marvin Falz

    Well, you know, all the Hollywood actresses end up witches when they’re above a certain age.

  • stolliosis

    You guys should recommend more movies, especially small movies.

  • Marvin Falz

    Mike and Jay regularly destroy VHS tapes, like the Frank Wurley(?) tape, the Hollywood dog training tape, Speed with Keanu Reeves and some more.

  • Robephiles

    The thing that makes this especially stand out to me is that Mike and Jay have also talked about how Hollywood is so hard on older actresses in past reviews. Then in this review they rag on an actress for looking too old.

    The commentators on this site have gone nuts that anybody would point this out. I really should not be surprised by this but people react as if criticizing something they said is a criticism of them as people.

    They said an incredibly stupid thing in this review. That does not make them stupid people. Some of the people in the comments section I’m not too sure about.

  • kenchun24

    Now that they have both been released White House Down vs. Olympus Has Fallen.

    Winner?

    No one…JK. Olympus Has Fallen FTW! Both are dumb but Olympus Has Fallen did bring back an unapologetic tone of those ’80s/’90s actioners. Nothing classic,but totally watchable for King Leonidus sticking knives in bad guys skulls. Plus he actually did what guys in these types of “Die Hard on a ____ ” movies never do. He took weapons from dead baddies and actually did an inventory of his ammo,equipment when he had some down time. So Mike was right as far as some effort for realism.

    As for White House Down,I kept waiting for John Cusack to show up in a limo and say “Mr. President,Magic Mike…Yellowstone just erupted and every fault line in the world is shifting! Quick get in!” Then they picked up Brad Pitt along the way while he was running from “Ant Like Swarming Bloodless Zombies.”

  • Robephiles

    Yeah, that is why this bugs me. They have said before that it is too tough for older actresses in Hollywood and then they said this about Gyllenhaal. I think it was really just an off the cuff moment for them but they should have realized it when they were editing it.

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh 🙂

  • Thatguyagain

    Gief gamestation 2.0 you stupid hacks!

  • World War Z, please!

  • GUEST

    Voltaire – “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.”

    So, who is bending you over? It’s obviously not Mr. Plinkett.
    Nobody? – Good for you…keep it up then.

  • zm

    why can’t you talk about the weird appearance of a cast member? just because she’s a woman? you try too hard bro, chill out.

  • zm

    i mean, why can’t THEY talk about, lol

  • Marvin Falz

    As to the accusations of misogyny, I truly believe that Mike and Jay are good in their hearts and so they hate everybody equally *comment comes to a scratching halt* uh, uhm.

  • zm

    there is NOTHING sexist about this. probably you don’t even know what the fuck sexism is. so please shut up. don’t make a joke of nor yourself, neither feminism. thank you.

  • SomeoneElseTookDude

    Oh thank god i don’t think I could last another day without my hit of RLM

  • Brady Hall

    Can I make a joke of the English language or do you have the market cornered on that?

  • Brady Hall

    Comments section are the bottom of the barrel, usually. I expected no reaction other than what I got.

  • Fuck This

    Are you two fucking retarded or just prejudiced as hell? First, you make fun of Man of Steel and say it sucks. Then you take two innocent little summer blockbusters like White House Down and The Lone Ranger and act like they are the worst movies of all time. It’s not just DC films that you hate, you hate anything that inteferes with what YOU douchebags think of as “perfect films”. Oh and seriously? You criticize Maggie Gyllenhaal for being “ugly” when one of you is dating a fucking GORILLA (not the one from yoru shitty film) that you now shove in our faces every so often? I’m sure part of the reason for the hate is your own prejudice against anyone or anything affiliated with DC COmics movies like TDK trilogy and MOS. You guys make me sick.

  • Harry Palm

    I’ve come to the realization that there is never going to be another truly great movie ever again. I feel sad.

  • lol

    2/10 apply yourself

  • Casey Bryan Wright

    you a MOS fan? why you so mad and wrong?

  • williamsn411

    I’m all for smaller/independent films, but it seems like they’re all the same genre. They’re either documentaries or drama movies about some dysfunctional person/people.

  • Sully

    You’re taking this so personally. Maggie…. is that you?

  • Graceless

    World War Z deserves a chance, especially compared to Lone Ranger or White House Down.

  • williamsn411

    I liked “World War Z”. Not a great movie, but an enjoyable one.

  • joekitch

    THE REASON YOU CONSTANTLY SEE IDENTICAL MOVIES BEING RELEASED;
    is because movie studios actually perform script espionage. i believe armageddon was “planned” first but various spies in the studio leaked the information to a rival studio, who then started making deep impact.

    they are, quite literally, ripoffs.

  • Casey Bryan Wright

    How many major flops does it take to make Hollywood try something new? does anyone know? my guess is 5 and so far we are at 3 maybe 4 cant remember these films so its hard to keep track.

  • D

    That’s a fair point, but I thinks it’s more a result of the fact that the film probably didn’t give MG anything important or interesting to do, so what else could the guys comment on? I mean, I haven’t seen the movie, but my guess is that all she gets to do is congratulate the president on being awesome and/or state tersely that if the good guys don’t win that horrible things will happen. I’d blame the filmmakers for furthering sexism more than I’d blame Mike and Jay…though they’re probably sexist too.

  • rikkibarnes

    The better question is… How many licks does it take to get into the pants of a Hollywood executive?

  • Charon

    Seriously? You realize people can have opinions, right?

  • Mr. Owl

    Let’s find out.

    One…Two…Three!

    Three.

  • Charon

    The game industry and the movie industry are really the same group of five assholes, all standing around a high-dollar piece of designer furniture, repeating the words “Go, go, ammon” like a fucking mantra.

  • Name

    Best in the Bag?
    Half of the Worst?

  • Charon

    You are not a bright star shining in the night sky.

    You are a dim, moth-ridden lampshade over a strip club on I-77.

  • Cirric Fylenco

    Did Jay really believe that radical right wingers would blow up the whitehouse to cause a nuclear war to keep the money coming in to the defense industry? He said he was still with the movie at that point…Im not sure if he was joking or not. If he wasnt joking….

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    Roland Emmerich is Left Wing Michael Bay.

  • Sully

    “Best in the Bag”
    I like that. They could do reviews on what they thought to be outstanding films. Kind of a reverse Plinkett; going into detail about why a movie was great, instead of being a shitty disaster.

  • qwerds

    would love to see them tear the shit out of world war z. Perfect example of a film with a budget so big it became it’s undoing. No political intrigue or actual conflict because that might marginalize the audience. Also the jews were ready for everything because they have been through more as a people than anyone else and thus are smarter and better prepared for tragedy.

  • Charon

    That intro was fucking hilarious.

  • Sully

    1 or 2 movies, but even fewer games.

  • Sully

    But just like history has shown, once they wall themselves in, they spell their own doom.

  • Bounty Hunter

    Dude, you need a snickers

  • joekitch

    a great deal, because dredging up old IPs is easy and less risky than something completely new.

    it’ll take a while before crappy investors start going bankrupt from only investing in stale crap. the market will prevail but it will take some time.

  • TrollStomper9000

    Screw Half in the Bag! I need more Plinkett reviews! Then I can complain about them and whine about needing more HitB. Do it for world peace.

  • Vaughn Fry

    I can agree that no one cares for the Lone Ranger franchise. It’s not driving people to see the movie. However, and maybe I’m alone on this, but I like the emotional roller coaster in my blockbusters. It was funny, at times recalled The Ring, and had a twisted enough plot to keep parents from feeling it’s stupid.

    And has no one else on this planet seen Emmerich’s Anonymous?

  • Memoman

    Holy fuck that “ACTUAL SCENE” from minute 29!
    Holy Fuck!
    Well, that’s it for me. No way I’m seeing this.

  • bob665@aol.com

    I always try to guess what movie they’re going to review. White House Down was
    definitely not on the list. Much like them when I first saw the trailer I
    thought Die Hard. Have to agree with their argument though you really no heroes
    left in movies. They’re always bit downbeat depressing and frankly I hav and you
    will see an actual e my life for that. Just give me something to enjoy
    Hollywood! Why is it that I enjoy watching a review of two movies all never see
    over watching the actual movie? Because they keep me engaged.

  • Bart

    best intro ever

  • Strelnikov

    They made a Lone Ranger movie in 1981 which pretty much had all the problems of this version: cowardly Lone Ranger, weird tone shifts, etc. What the Disney version doesn’t have is Merle Haggard’s singing narration and a lead actor who was completely dubbed over.

    The Lone Ranger was a 1930s radio show, then a 1950s TV show. When your last profitable movie was made in 1956, you should wonder if a big-budget revival is a good idea.

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    I have learned through blip’s adverts:
    Grumpy cats don’t want you to shop at Home Depot.
    The Last of Us is about “You either hold on to your morals and die, or you do anything to survive”.
    “CAMP NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD!”
    Cats play with feet while on acid.

  • Adrian

    Not Half In The Bag, more Best of The Worst please. please please! 😀

  • addict

    FInally another fix.

  • Tractorr

    Part of the reason for the broadness of current big budget action films is actually because they sell better overseas. Some of the films that do horribly in the US make their money back overseas, but if the plot relies too heavily on references and cultural specifics it won’t translate well.

  • Constantine1985

    Yes! ‘Bout time, too, you hacks! Have you guys reviewed World War Z? I’ve seen it, and, man, it sucks so freakin’ hard. It’s like a videogame!

  • Adam

    And here I actually thought The Lone Ranger would be successful. What a pleasant surprise!

  • guest

    Yeah they talk about that in the video, guy.

  • Meester Smeeth

    10 seconds in – what the fuck is that on Jay’s face and where can I get one without paying for it like a dirty old man?

  • asdf

    That’s not misogyny, shit-for-brains.

  • stolliosis

    The part where you guys edit in the “actual scene” might be one of your best edits every. It was hilarious.s

  • playdude92 .

    Ironicly you guys only really talk about main stream releases as well. You´re (free-willingly or not) involved in the hegemony of Hollywood.

    I would very much care to hear you talk about the small or tiny scale releases you only touch as a joke in this episode. On the other side I can´t even articulate how little the Johnny Depp vanity or dumb Roland Emmerich movie nr. fuck mean to me.

  • or pick a name

    Yeah, I’ve also hoped for that. No shit, that movie is quite interesting, and does have that memorable music.

  • Paul Schumann

    Well it’s like a videogame in that you rush from place to place with tenuous transitions and see ridiculous amounts of destruction and collateral damage. It’s unlike most videogames these days in that the “pro-ta-go-nist” is a detective not a soldier and hardly shoots anything.

  • guest

    “Ironicly you guys only really talk about main stream releases as well.”

    How is it ironic when they’re doing it intentionally?

  • Paul Schumann

    Eh I just say do it right. Timeless concepts (honor, bravery…) are timeless.

  • Paul Schumann

    nah dude… he was joking. fooled you apparently 😛

  • Taft you FUCK

    I don’t mind casually destroying mainstream Hollywood movies, they deserve it. But it CAN come off pretentious and snobby. Then again, they do like big budget flicks that are done well. I have no opinion. I’m dead inside.

  • catnep

    What is a Channing Tatem? It sounds like it itches. “I’ve got the Channing Tatems again.” I feel so old… and I haven’t even watched this yet.

  • Daniel Bellfield

    Thank you for episode 56.

  • Constantine1985

    The last act of the movie totally felt like a stealth game, Brad Pitt could have been replaced with Sam Fisher or Solid Snake and it would not have made a difference. Besides, I hate the shaky camera – that’s another thing that made me feel like I was watching a CoD match. That scene in the stairs to the top of the building, in the first act, man, that is awful.

  • williamsn411

    I have to admit that I loved “Independence Day”. Other than that, Emmerich movies have been pieces of s**t.

  • williamsn411

    I didn’t think it was that bad. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.

  • SUPERSOUP

    I liked it too, but it isn’t like it’s good or anything.

    This episode was depressing, what with no Plinkett and the in-depth discussion of how hollow and creatively bankrupt Hollywood is these days.

  • catnep

    I’m still going to see it because I’m curious how they made Glasgow into Philadelphia.

  • williamsn411

    You’re right, “Independence Day” wasn’t good…I still enjoyed it though. I guess that means Emmerich hasn’t made any good movies. IAlso, I agree that Hollywood is putting out s**t these days…it’s very unfortunate.

  • williamsn411

    You’re right, “Independence Day” wasn’t good…I still enjoyed it though. I guess that means Emmerich hasn’t made any good movies. IAlso, I agree that Hollywood is putting out s**t these days…it’s very unfortunate.

  • ACompleteIdiot

    The dumb masses just want to shove more popcorn in their face while being distracted by color and sound in a dark room. Man of Steel was the best movie since Transformers 3. Just kidding, Man of Steel was worse.

  • Constantine1985

    Hm. I couldn’t get into it. Like I said, in the first few minutes, the shaky camera alone put me off. I thought Pitt’s acting was terrible as well. I didn’t really mind the jumping around from place to place – I thought it was poorly done, but I could live with it, if other aspects of the film were better, tho. Also, the MacGuffin they came up with at the end, to me, it was the icing on an awful cake.

    ***** SPOILER *****

    I mean, the Zombies trip over a bus, but they go out of their way not to trample underfoot someone that’s not heatlhy?!

    But, anyway, that’s just me. If you had a good time watching it, hell, good for you, at least you got some fun for your money, right?

  • I think it’s just really hard to achieve a good looking sci-fi/epic/big action movie with a low budget, everybody tends to do what’s easier, if you have limited funds a safer bet is “people talking” 🙁

  • Exactly, I love the show because deconstructs popular and well known movies. I’m sure there are already blogs that cover indie fims

  • Robert Overstreet

    “Mike and Jay discuss two recent flops that both have the exact same poster.”

    Comedy gold X’D

  • Memoman

    The Careboars are awesome! I’ve never seen that before! I can see how the autoplay can get old fast. I remember the recent debacle over it.

  • Robert Overstreet

    After the recent Cabbage patch incident I was waiting for them to say Ches nut Taters.

  • LukeMM95

    I haven’t seen White House Down, but I’m surprised that Mike enjoyed Olympus Has Fallen. That has to be one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen. I love 80s and 90s action movies but Olympus Has Fallen was just a miserable experience from start to finish. The characters are idiots, the action was dull and the whole tone of the movie was way too serious and mean-spirited.

  • Inkall

    I liked it at the time…but then I was 12.

    Course that probably made me the target audience.

  • Inkall

    I think that’s what this was, kinda.

  • SC

    Review Grown Ups 2 next, it’s the worst thing ever since That’s My Boy.

  • Wildo

    Yeah but if the stories good, it shouldn’t matter. You can revive anything if you make it a good movie. There were a bunch of people who never read or even knew abut the Lord of the Rings, but that did well because the movie itself was made well.

  • Mister_Misinformed

    I’m not done watching. Just thought I noticed you guys turning the label of the beer bottles to face the camera sometimes. Sponsorship?

  • EnderWiggum

    Wow there was someone in the theater when you saw the lone ranger? I went on monday and was lone patron.

  • jay stein

    get a stupid troll…

  • Fat Nerd

    I was kind of pissed when I saw that they would just substitute Johnny “I Make Funny Faces” Depp for a real Indian. It’s like they only grudgingly admit that there is a titular character in the movie who is not Johnny Depp. It would not have worked to cast the Ranger as Depp because it is funnier when Indians make funny faces than it is when cowboys make funny faces.

  • Clint Parker

    What about doing a review for World War Z? I am disappointed that you never did one for that film.

  • Jorick

    I would so love it if you review something actually likeable (possibly indie) soon. Like The best off, or the hunt or something

  • Fat Nerd

    No. This was neither the best nor the worst (that would be Grown Ups 2). Maybe they will make a show called worst of the mediocre. That is what this is.

  • Dudemeister

    I think a duel between Plinkett and the Nerd would be awesome. :>

  • Paul Schumann

    I see what you mean. I got the feeling that this movie was designed as a money maker. Hmm everyone loves zombies, we want to get the kids (pg-13, no blood/gore), what to do? Have an agreeable but bland leading man who loves his family… the whole thing felt like it was meant to be a blockbuster but fell short by trying to be everything to all audiences.

  • REVIEW_BEFORE_MIDNIGHT

    Guys. Review Before Midnight. Please. That would be so excellent.

  • playdude92 .

    To clarify: Its ironic to me, that they´re hating their hating their experiences with these movies, yet continuing to talk about them without being forced to. People tune in to see RLM (i hope) and noone cares to see The Lone Ranger (i hope). That gives them the freedom to discuss every movie (topic) they want.
    I enjoy these roasts as much as the next guy, but I would love to see them diversify on HitB. Talk about a TV show, ratings, film festivals, whatever.
    My comment wasn´t so much a complaint as a wink and a suggestion.
    Also Jay has a beard.

  • Paul Schumann

    It’s inoffensive and bland. Not worth the time of the RLM crew.

  • setsoru

    i want to sign the magic Treace Peaty!!!!

  • not the first time
  • not the first time

    I actually thought that those were one and the same movie…did not pay that close attention cus’ who gives a shit…

  • Robert

    I’m so sorry you guys had to see those two movies. I’m so sorry. I was thinking to myself (maybe they’ll see something medicore this week like Despicable ME 2 along with the Lone Ranger.

    But NOPE you guys had to go for the worst of em.

  • Guest

    Both are terrible but I would say the game industry is worse. With the game industry the biggest franchises are getting a sequel a year. You’re paying $60 for a game that’s almost exactly the same as the game you bought last year. Then there’s the nickle and dime bullshit with DLC. Apparently paying $60 isn’t enough, now developers cut out large parts of the game to sell to you later as DLC packs. Then there’s the DLC preorder bullshit where they’ll cut something out of the game and to get it you have to preorder the game which means you have to buy it on the day of release for the full $60 pricetag.

    There’s also that pay a fee to play a used game bullshit that Microsoft tried to pull. If Sony hadn’t taken a stance against that I have no doubt Microsoft would’ve gone ahead with it. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Microsoft do it anyway after everyone has bought an Xbox One.

  • Seriously, FUCK THE CARE BORES

    Transformers = shit, all Pirates of the Caribbean movies (except for the first one) = shit, The Lone Ranger = shit……how come only one of them lost 100s of millions of dollars? It’s really hard for studios to tell which piece of shit people will pay to see and which piece of shit they won’t when quality isn’t a barometer.

  • thisneeds2Bineverycommentsecti

    Dear Jay and Mike, and the entire Red Letter Media crew:

    I’ve noticed that there has been an alarming flood of whiny fanboy
    babies and dipshit assholes all over the comments section(s) of your
    page, more and more so in the past few weeks (months?). Particularly on
    this episode. On behalf of us all, I want to apologize for this
    appalling and baffling Zergling rush of irritating buffoons exclaiming
    that you did this review without seeing the movie, turned into cynical
    pricks, lost your touch, sold out to Marvel, or otherwise taking your
    opinions personally, etc. These young children and their tirades do not
    reflect the views of your actual fans. I think I can speak for all of us
    when I say that we eagerly, but patiently, await new BOTW episodes,
    HITB episodes, Plinkett reviews, and original films, and we are as
    confident as ever that you will continue being awesome. Hopefully this
    squabbling nonsense going on in these comments sections will start to
    die down after awhile and we can, once again, have nice things.

    Sincerely,
    A Concerned Fan

  • not the first time

    It’s all about the pitch.
    Who ever is pushing these stupid ass screenplays on producers knows how to sell crap.

  • williamsn411

    I love it to this day, but I’m old enough now to realize that it’s a stupid movie.

  • fuck the pain away

    I miss the excellent work of the Wizard hipster, Beaker, Yoko and Sean the cartoon guy.

  • not the first time

    Nah..it’s much simpler…a writer tries to sell his script to different studios…they don’t want to pay for it so they dismiss him but make their variation of the script …or somebody is a good scam artist and manages to sell the same product twice..or three times…

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    If you think this video’s comment section has too much going on I would wave you away from “Man of Steel” and “Star Trek Into Darkness”. People were very upset for some reason.

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    Wizard hipster is pretty good. I lol’d.

  • thisneeds2Bineverycommentsecti

    The comment is originally from Man of Steel comment section.

    I want it to become a meme.

    It’s awesomely pretentious.

  • Seth Rogen

    Beaker used to hold more intellectual credibility when he had facial hair.

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    There is another blip contributor that did a review of that to coincide with “The Lone Ranger” release.
    His handle is Oancitizen and he does art house film reviews.

    The Cinema Snob did a review of the 1980’s Lone Ranger movie.

    I watch a lot of nerds talking about movies on the internet.

  • Glen Close

    …..So did Yoko!

  • BunnyFooFoo

    Well, I’ll give Independence Day this much: it’s awesome–and I mean fucking AWESOME*–if you can see it in the theater on the Fourth of July in 1996 with a bunch of friends. Sadly, as it’s no longer 1996 and all of my friends were subsequently eaten by wolves, you can’t do that anymore, and seen under any other circumstances it’s a hilarious piece of shit.

    * Literally…when I walked out of the theater on July 4th, 1996, my review was, “Holy shit that movie was fucking awesome!” **

    ** Later that year, when I bought it on tape and watched it a second time, my review was, “Holy shit, that movie is fucking terrible! What the fuck was I thinking?”

  • BigGuy3

    You guys should review the Shoji Tabuchi Show so we can finally find out what it is…

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    Those guys also wrote the screenplay for “Dreamcatcher” so it isn’t an airtight seal on the jar that holds the lightning.

  • William Castle

    Why does Rich Evans appear to go to the cinema only like 4 times a year?

  • Jared

    Roland Emmerich is option 2: Delusional auteur. (Most directors in Hollywood are, actually.) I absolutely agree with a small aside in this review– it would have been better if he went all-out goofy. But he was afraid people would NOT like it if it was too goofy, because they’ve criticized him in the past for that. So I gather that it’s just kind of neutered and takes itself too seriously. (I haven’t seen the movie btw.) Other problems- Jamie Foxx could not plausibly be president, and some of the effects look too cartoony and painterly, as is typical with recent Emmerich.

    As for Lone Ranger– I’m honestly shocked that this movie is flopping. EVERY FRAME of this movie looks fantastic, which is usually all people need. I’d think it would have AT LEAST gotten a huge opening weekend (–did word spread around that fast?). Anyway, it’s too violent for a family movie, a soulless no-point endurance test, and Depp’s character– the only one that seems the least bit interesting– doesn’t work as an Indian and is too stilted for Depp to have fun with. The fact that it flopped is a ray of hope for me– maybe this will finally send a message to studios that 1) Gore Verbinski is a soulless hack, and 2) You have to actually WANT to make a movie, instead of just making decisions based on calculations.

  • williamsn411

    I try not to get too worked up over Mike and Jay’s reviews. In the end, they’re just two guys stating their opinion of a movie. Just because they like/dislike something doesn’t mean that you’ll have the same reaction to the movie. If you like a movie then good for you. Continue to enjoy the movies that you enjoy and try not to give a s**t about what other people think about em’.

  • playdude92 .

    Oh, movies make you feel something? We´re just here, because we don´t want company but we also can´t akwardly cancel friend´s night. – what a lot of people think secretly

  • Jorge Lew-Cass

    I’m fucking delighted TLR bombed…the more soulless, overblown special effects shitfests that bomb the better it is for cinema. TV is better than cinema at the moment and cinema will die on it’s ass unless they start pumping some of that money into new ideas.

  • ColinJ

    Oh, God, that BOUND BY BLOOD: WENDIGO movie looks fucking spectacular!

    Obviously that guy missed the very first day of film school when you are taught about ‘the line’.

  • Likin’ the beard Jay – you are a man now, my son…

  • Mark

    Call me crazy all you want. I had a blast watching White House Down.

    This does NOT mean it was a good movie. It wasn’t. It was just really, really fun. Well paced, fun action, doesn’t take itself too seriously. I had a blast at the theater.

  • andrew81

    World’s Greatest Con Artist goes to Adam Sandler.

  • alexander row

    Speaking of windigos have you guys seen Ravenous? It’s quite an excellent little horror/thriller film starring Robert Carlyle and Guy Pierce involving the aforementioned native American myth.

  • whip

    Tree Stand Safety too please! 🙂

  • aaaaaaaa

    Shave the stache at least.

  • Guest

    What’s with all the people who keep rushing in to try and protect Mike & Jay from the heinous, terrible people who are commenting? So gushing and protective.

    I don’t get it. They aren’t babies. They don’t need you to tell them how really all the rest of us love them so much!

  • Guest

    Ohhhh.. it’s a report for comedic value.. ignore my previous comment.

  • Michael Kuhrmeier

    Love RLM, love Plinkett (I can do a perfect, spot-on impression of Plinkett right down to the speech patterns), love Half in the Bag especially since it’s the only movie review show worthy of watching, but for God’s sake, it’s not “The Lone Ranger’s Theme”, it’s the final minutes of the “William Tell Overture” by Gioacchino Rossini. This has always bugged me.

  • scootscoot

    I was so sad that White House Down flopped. It was an utterly enjoyable, competently shot, dumb action film with a great cast and a sense of humor. NO SHAKY CAM AT ALL.

  • BigGuy3

    And How To Use The Internet!

    Get to it you fucking hacks!

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Also, elderly white men think Denny’s pancakes with strawberries and off-brand Redi-Whip on them taste like America. And that this is apparently a good thing.

  • Order Whaaaat?

    Now review Grown-Ups 2 and tear Sandler a new asshole!

  • David T.

    Brady is totally right here. Women are delicate creatures who need to be protected from the perceptions of others because they might hurt themselves if they don’t think they’re pretty.

  • Franklin Floratos

    I can mimic Plinkett as well, but mostly the pre=Revenge of the Sith-review Plinkett.

  • Franklin Floratos

    I don’t get why so many people hated Star Trek Into Darkness. I for one was very impressed by it.

  • Strelnikov

    I agree, but my point was if you’re going to make the 2013 film like the 1981 film, at least do it cheap. With a decent story and a director who understands how a Western should run, this thing could have been a decent 90 minute film.

  • John Tibbetts

    I think “Pirates…” was a success because pirates are/were kind of “cool” (at least at the time that first movie came out), AND the brand was strictly a series of theme park attractions, not a series of films. The brand barely had any recognition outside of baby boomers or people who happened to have been to DisneyLAND (the black sheep of Disney parks, as the Florida WORLD is so much more substantial and up to date). The Lone Ranger is so antiquated and out of touch, and pretty much everyone knows that. Just the name sounds like something your grandfather might like, not the target demographic of this movie.

  • Cory Gross

    What went wrong with The Lone Ranger? Easy: critics.

    Take yourselves, for example, complaining up and down the last few months about wanting fun, adventurous movies like The Avengers, and when one is dropped in your lap you complain about it too. Sure it had a few moments of gratuitous moments of violence and silliness, which you pointed out and made it sound like the whole movie was driven by these when they’re really relatively small. Even the wendigo part, while being gratuitous, was at least written well into the story. A different reviewer called it the worst movie of the year, because I guess they hadn’t seen White House Down or Star Trek Into Darkness. Another called it the worst Western ever made… it’s not even the worst version of The Lone Ranger ever made, let alone the worst Western. Someone who must lived a life blessedly ignorant of Will Smith, Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich accused it of being everything wrong with Hollywood blockbusters. On the contrary, it’s a fun, punchy, tight action-comedy that moved along at a great pace with lots of great cinematic moments. I honestly can’t figure out how anyone who liked The Avengers thinks they have any kind of right not to like The Lone Ranger.

    In respects to what you called the cynicism of it, there is something far more interesting there than you’re giving it credit for. Being set the same year that the original Lone Ranger radio show debuted, using the framing mechanism of an aged Tonto in a Wild West show telling a young Lone Ranger fan the “true story” of his hero (which the boy points out wasn’t a real person), and revealing that Tonto is an unreliable narrator (and maybe isn’t even real himself), all develop a subtext about how the United States remembers and reinterprets its history. It works on the big thematic scale in terms of how the myth of the Wild West is invented and reinvented, and it works on the meta scale about the whole enterprise of rebooting franchises like The Lone Ranger. Yes, this deconstruction is mostly played for laughs, but it is trying to resonate with a more modern audience and there’s nothing wrong with comedy. Y’know, you guys are the ones who have been whining about wanting fun, enjoyable movies again!

    The routine among critics these last few years where its de rigueur to attack Disney’s movies simply out of spite wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t rob us of the chance to enjoy them. Sure I can always pop the John Carter DVD in my player, but now there’s no way there’ll ever be the two sequels that would have actually finished the story. I’ll definitely get The Lone Ranger DVD too, and I would have loved to see more of his adventures and see where this series goes. But that ain’t gonna’ happen. No theme park rides or merchandise or any of that either. You guys asked how much longer before Hollywood stops doing things like this? It will be very soon. Disney’s takeaway message here is to just keep grinding out more Marvel and Star Wars movies, because if they ever do anything else, critics like yourselves attack them.

    Not that it matters, but up to recently I’ve really enjoyed your reviews and insights. I’ve even watched your reviews of movies I never had any intention of seeing because I enjoyed your reviews so much. Lately, including Man of Steel and The Lone Ranger, I’m just not enjoying your cynicism anymore. *shrug* I dunno’… Do you have anything good to say about a movie anymore?

  • Andre Previn

    Stop being a fucking douche-bag!

  • Memoman

    What happened to Mr. Plinkett? Is he homeless?

  • Guest

    Well the feeling I got from their review is that they found the tone to be too inconsistent. The Avengers had a consistent fun tone throughout.

    I do agree with the lads getting a little more cynical though. I think that the whole Hollywood machine is really getting to them now lol.

  • Guest

    I think they’ve reviewed enough crap for now. I want them to review something good before they die spiritually.

  • Guest

    I think that the boys should review something good next time. I can see Mike dying inside substantially more in each episode. 😀

  • Guest

    Ha ha, I thought I read it before. Brilliant!

  • BunnyFooFoo

    no

  • Strelnikov

    You will get no argument from me on that. The Lone Ranger is like Superman, it only really works if they are serious about it.

  • Inkall

    As fun as that would be…I think there is some geneva convention thing that banned the Wheel of the Mediocre.

  • Cory Gross

    The Avengers had the consistent tone of a TV pilot throughout, with characters who are mad at each other because the plot requires them to be.

    Jay is simply wrong about The Lone Ranger’s tone. I will totally agree that the slaughter of the Comanche was needless storywise, but did a scene lasting all of five minutes create some great insurmountable tonal hump? No, that’s silly. Was the cannibalism gratuitous? Sure. But it was well-written into the story and reinforced some of the key subtexts about Tonto being an unreliable narrator? Yes. If you pick up the subtext, it all starts to gel together (funfact: the period of Western settlement was not as violent as movies make it out to be… as a genre, Westerns are gratuitously violent).

  • BunnyFooFoo

    I appreciate the lack of shaky cam, but they shouldn’t have outsourced the scriptwriting to the MSNBC newsroom.

  • BunnyFooFoo

    Right now you’re mimicking the Star Trek guy from the Episode 2 review.

  • williamsn411

    I saw it in the theater when I was like 11 or 12. At the time, I thought it was the greatest thing ever made. Now that I’m older, I realize that it’s a completely moronic movie…but I still love it. Maybe I’m crazy.

  • Guest

    “The Avengers had the consistent tone of a TV pilot throughout, with characters who are mad at each other because the plot requires them to be.”

    That’s how you saw it, I saw it differently. Just like how you saw ‘The Lone Ranger’ differently than Jay.

  • PJ

    They don’t review film, they just review movies.

  • Jared

    Uh, I think they probably knew that, seeing that they found it and used it in this review, and knew that it was too old to be copyright protected.

  • Tinkel

    No, it’s The Lone Ranger theme, listen: doo da loo doo da loo do da loo loo loo doo da loo do da loo do da loo loo loo doo da loo doo da loo doo da loo doo doo do da LOOOOOOOOO doo da loo hoo hoo!

    See.

  • Brit Ward

    I was thinking the exact thing! “Wait, he hopped over the 180 line. Really? Did that just happen?”

  • williamsn411

    Again, for anyone that gets outraged over what Mike and Jay think of a movie…chill out. Just because they say something is good or bad doesn’t mean that you’ll think the same thing. For example, Mike gave a somewhat positive review to “Battleship”. I thought the movie was painful to sit through and wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.

  • Tinkel

    But they are the Emperors of movies. They told me this themselves!

  • Sully

    I don’t think he said ‘Battleship’ was a good movie though, he just said it was less insulting than Transformers.

  • williamsn411

    He said it was dumb but he still enjoyed it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    How can they review something good when there’s nothing good being made?
    Oh, I’m betting right now they’ll both like PACIFIC RIM, which is, easily, just as loud and stupid as WHITE HOUSE BLOWED UP REAL GOOD. Because it has all the corny RAMBO-like patriotism they seem to be hankering for.

    Death to Blockbusters.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    What you describe is not cynicism.
    Really.
    Look it up.
    Vocabulary. It used to be a requirement in school.

  • decora

    doo da loo doo da loo do da loo loo loo doo da loo do da loo do da loo loo loo doo da loo doo da loo doo da loo doo doo do da NINE ELEVEN!!!!!! (you know, for kids!)

  • m0r1arty

    Feckin Care Boars!

  • FlixtheCat

    I can’t stay mad at you guys.

  • Ryan Medici

    I think Pacific Rim will be the perfect summer action movie.

    Also, I believe the studios spend time on crap like this for the same reason that you guys spend 27 minutes reviewing them and 2 minutes barely mentioning the good films you saw: it brings in eyeballs.

  • decora

    you were a lesbian?

    at the time.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dude, I’m with ya, but good luck convincing these people. THE AVENGERS is a bland bit of stand-there-say-something nonsense. It’s a movie that people want to love because they are enamored of the “whole group of superheroes!” idea that they think we’ve all been carrying around with us since we were seven.
    Know what the best thing about seven was? EIGHT! Even better than eight: Growing up and dealing with adult themes.
    THE AVENGERS is product. Much more than THE LONE RANGER, which, as the guys say, nobody cares about, but is still a more universally-known character than, um, Thor. yeah, I said it. Deal.
    But you lose me on your funfact thesis. Yes, western movies are gratuitously heroic, but the violence was real.

  • Griffin Bain

    Opinions can’t be right or wrong.

  • Griffin Bain

    I HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S FACES

  • decora

    Why does a VCR repairman have a mike cliipped to his chest? THIS IS FAKE, THESE GUYS ARE FRAUDS.

  • asdfasdfasdf

    Yeah, but what good films are out right now?
    That people have heard of anyways……

  • Griffin Bain

    Mike’s facial expression when he’s talking about 2012 is my new favorite thing ever.

  • Calculon

    In fairness to Roland Emmerich, ID4 and The Patriot are ‘good’ ‘bad action’ movies. Enjoyable in parts, with something which resembles plot, emotion and/or theme(s).

  • Griffin Bain

    Hurray for Samurai Cop references.

  • Harmony Korine

    Pacific Rim is tracking badly with it’s potential audience, dude….chances are it’s going to bomb too.

  • sepiajack

    Agreed on all three! I’m eager for a new Best of the Worst and those are exactly the three movies I’d like to see them review, either that or the video I sent them: Crazy Fat Ethel 2

  • sepiajack

    Yes and the show is first and foremost meant to be funny, which it always is regardless of whether I agree with their take on a movie or not.

  • Griffin Bain

    Admittedly when I wrote this originally, I was gushing a bit. Now that I’m starting to see it copied and pasted everywhere, even I’m getting annoyed by it.

  • Honest Trailers

    HITB movie discussions are much better with Rich Evans involved as part of a 3-way.

  • Dixon Bawls

    “because if they ever do anything else, critics like yourselves attack them.”

    When did Mike and Jay become ‘critics’? They’re just a couple of assholes stranded in Milwaukee for some reason who have nothing better to do.

  • Sully

    “Less painful than you’d expect.” That’s the quote I was thinking of.

  • sepiajack

    And at least Independence day did something that almost no other alien invasion movie does: the characters in it had actually seen x files, and war of the worlds, and ET and the day the earth stood still, and reacted accordingly

    The Tom Cruise war of the worlds, an alien attack vessel comes out of the ground and everyone just stands there staring at it… and then walk towards it!

    Ninja please, get the fuck out of there!

    Have they never heard of the concept of alien invaders??? the same goes for every single zombie movie, the characters have never heard of zombies before and apparently live in a reality where no one has ever discussed this concept before.

    When you compare to vampire movies and shows, everyone already knows what a vampire is. You don’t have to wait a fucking hour after a character gets bit for the other characters to figure out: holy shit! bites turn other people into zombies!!!!

  • Griffin Bain

    Memes are still a thing? To anyone over the age of 13, I mean?

  • sepiajack

    Stargate is Emmerich’s only really good movie though

  • Katie Kirschner

    Thanks for the protip! I’ve been following Channel Awesome for years, and have seen clips of Oancitizen here and there, but I never got around to watching a full episode. This is some good (and entertaining) film analysis.

    Here’s a link for the curious: http://blip.tv/brows-held-high/brows-held-high-dead-man-6614806

  • bananna hammock

    2012 gets a lot of well deserved shit heaped on it… but you have to acknowledge the fact that it is the logical and inevitable conclusion of all disaster movies. It pretty much put the kibosh on the genre – because how much bigger can you go before you need intergalactic empires to threaten?

    Also – it is the sequel to my favorite bad movie ever “The Core”.

  • decora

    camp never looked so good! thank god the showers are very cold here.

  • They’re both faux-patriotic schlock

  • Del Toro is actually a pretty talented film maker, though.

  • Sully

    -␣-

  • He’s gone rogue. I don’t expect we’ll see Evans’ Plinkett again any time soon, they squeezed as much as they possibly could out of him. Hopefully they start a new HITB story line.

  • the generic action man

    olympus has fallen was so dumb it made me fukin angry. The first 5 minutes like before the 1st action scene kinda seemed to me like a set up for a good action movie like air force one but what immediately vanished after the stupid rail gun plane showed up. It ain’t stabbing only bad guy’s brain, mikey. Oh, and the patriotic scene “attempts” were so out of place its bad 4 your health….

  • kenchun24

    “On the contrary, it’s a fun, punchy, tight action-comedy that moved along at a great pace”

    I disagree with you on The Lone Ranger moving along at a great pace. The movie was two and a half hours long,but felt like three and half (chore like) hours.The audience I saw it with was like “crickets”. And this is coming from someone who saw Speed Racer in the theaters (biased anime fan) loved it and owns a copy on blu. I did not see John Carter because of the bad reviews,but I later saw it on cable and enjoyed it very much (also own it on blu).

    For me the Lone Ranger would get me interested in the points you bring up and then “heart gets cut out and is eaten by cannibal” (but I did love Fichtners “Cavendish” baddie) so I got taken out of the movie. Then I became interested again and then “flashforward to Johnny Depp in old age prosthetic make up” took me out again. Themes & tone were patchwork – comedy,mysticism,faux history,buddy cop actioner – IMO the should have picked and stuck to the strongest way to tell the story and then pepper some of the other bits in. This one was all over the place.

    Speaking about sucking the fun out. When The Lone Ranger does the “Hi Ho Silver awaaaayyy!” and Depp’s Tonto says “No! You cannot do that ever!” I was like WTF!? But the movie already lost me way before that…talk about cynical.

    But I do agree with the cynicism part of RLM recently,it’s becoming a cliche unto itself. Maybe they could try and review different types of movies for HITB. A big Hollywood production and a smaller film,or a VOD rental of the week as many studios release films on VOD before the theatrical (like Europa Report which I thought was really good and is on VOD before its Aug theatrical release). To be fair this summer has been more miss than hit and underwhelming overall. The only two movies I enjoyed enough to see twice so far was MOS and This Is The End.

    There is a big release that I saw the premiere of three days ago that may buck the trend. It’s getting positive reviews across the board and is a simple,throwback summer blockbuster. It features heroes that want to be heroes and a fun tone throughout. And hey its not a sequel prequel or reboot! Its an actual inspired new project! It also moves at a very good pace for a 2 hour and 15 minute movie. The director even said himself it was never going to be a brooding,cynical,dark movie. It’s optimistic and has simple,familiar themes. It was a welcome pace to what is regularly becoming a trend of bloated,overwrought and/or cynical fare. It wears it’s heart on its sleeve and accomplishes exactly what it sets out to do. I had a blast (going again tonight 12am show) and so did the entire audience I watched it with. Several moments of collective cheering,”Oh shit!” moments,laughs & claps happened throughout the film. It will be interesting to see what RLM thinks of this movie if they choose to review it. Hint: the movie is NOT Grown Ups 2. Cheers!

  • I think the cast had something to do with it, too. Orlando Bloom coming off his role as Legolas, Johnny Depp, and Kiera Knightley as the consummate hotty seemed like a fun time. Whereas Lone Ranger should have just been called “Tonto” as I have no idea who the Lone Ranger actor is or what he’s been in.

  • It’s so much fun to see them tear Sandler and crew a new asshole, though.

  • At this point Shoji can’t possibly fulfill our expectations of his Tabuchi Show.

  • Dixon Bawls

    Holy crap…”Let’s blow up a galaxy!!!!”
    Get on it, Hollywood. We got the hadron collider now. It’s time for the next generation of disaster movies!

  • K D

    When Mike laughs I come a little inside

  • Dixon Bawls

    One could argue that it’s fun to watch them die spiritually, too.

  • williamsn411

    And I disagree with that. For me, the movie was extremely painful. But, oh well.

  • jimmy

    Grammar: it used to be a requirement in school.

  • Jumus

    The first Pirates Of The Caribbean worked because they took the writing formula from Ron Gilbert’s and Tim Schafers Monkey Island games, one of the main screenwriters from Pirates Of The Caribbean i cant quite remember which screenwriter it was but one of them was scheduled to make a movie based on the games but somewhere in development it got scraped. I figure he just rewrote its script added in Jack Sparrow to represent the crazy wacky choices the main protag can make along the games then fleshed him out and added in more action segments. (not trying to say the movies a fraud or anything its brilliant one of my all time favorite fun action films)

  • DarthRandal

    I kept thinking this…

  • kenchun24

    Nah…it is what it is. Nostalgia or not. If Emmerich has a “best” film its either ID4 or Stargate. Watch it with Rifftrax or regular. It’s a hoot. My favorite is in ID4 Robert Loggia being the “bearer of bad news buzzkill” in so many scenes.

  • williamsn411

    Question: In the scene of the movie that they show with the masked man behind a machine gun and below it it says “actual scene”…what was wrong with that scene? Am I missing something?

  • Justin

    Just Because it is a part of the William Tell Overture, doesn’t mean it isn’t the lone ranger theme.

  • AssHat900

    Marry me?

  • Sully

    Other than the fact that the angle was shitty and that the bluescreen was so obvious that they might as well of not added a background plate at all? Nothing.

  • kenchun24

    I saw Pacific Rim at the Hollywood premiere this past Tuesday and IMO it was a really great time at the movies. Very simple,Mecha vs. Monsters sci-fi/fantasy fun,del Toro did good IMO. I had a blast and so did the rest of the (roughly 3,000?) audience. Not everyone who attended worked on the movie – guests,pre-screen contest winners etc…so all of the “en-masse” enjoyment coming from the crowd (clapping,laughs,cheers etc) wasn’t just from a bunch of suits. It is getting pretty positive reviews overall,not just from geek sites. Going to my pre-purchased midnight show later tonight and hope it does well over Grown Ups 2 for god’s sake! Because maybe if PR does well,Guillermo will get the green light for At The Mountains Of Madness.

  • williamsn411

    After pausing the clip, I understand now.

  • bitch cassidy

    Quick, name three things that aren’t better with Rich Evans…

  • corporal corpuscle

    OMG! I’m so sorry, how long has it been since you lost the use of your eyes?

  • bananna hammock

    How much do you want to bet this is the plot of Star Trek3:Doomsday.

  • Billy Nunez

  • williamsn411

    Sorry, I’m not able to see all of the details of a scene that lasts a mere 30 seconds.

  • reggie watts

    They totally can be. My opinion can be that 1+1=5, but that would be objectively wrong, wouldn’t it?

  • Sully

    For those wondering
    {scene in question}

  • rsp
  • Dixon Bawls

    Can somebody do that for his “Let’s go to the moon!” bit from MOS review?

  • William Swift

    Awesome review! Thank you for pointing out how liberals in Hollywood are ruining action movies by refusing to portray Americas REAL enemies; Muslim extremists, Chinese communists, any group that is not primarily straight white men etc. as the bad guys. Especially appreciate the reference to the PC Red Dawn remake at the end.

    -Capt William Swift USAF

  • williamsn411

    Please tell me you’re joking.

  • Guest

    lol

  • Guest

    It’s the same face that my Aunty (not my real aunty, but my mum made us call her that) Winnie from next door used to make. Well, it wasn’t a face that she made as such, it was just her regular expression.

    Ah, good old Aunty Winnie and her possible racist views. She never liked these Indians two doors down.

  • Guest

    cyn·i·cism (sn-szm)
    n.
    1. An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others: the public cynicism aroused by governmental scandals.
    2. A scornfully or jadedly negative comment or act: “She arrived at a philosophy of her own, all made up of her private notations and cynicisms” (Henry James).
    3. Cynicism The beliefs of the ancient Cynics.

  • Guest

    You seem like a fun guy.

    Oh yeah…derp.

  • A Whole Whore

    Oh, you mean his always face?

  • Griffin Bain

    That’s not an opinion, that is an incorrect statement.

  • Griffin Bain

    No, they’re VCR repair men. Haven’t you been paying attention?

  • Bill

    I’ll tell you what the writer for “The Lone Ranger” did.
    He tried to remake “Once Upon a Time in the West” which is by all rights a fantastic film, and considered to be one of the best westerns ever made.

  • John Tibbetts

    I can’t say I disagree. That’s one thing I forgot the mention was the rabid fandom a lot of people seemed to have for the Depp/Bloom dynamic.

  • Dixon Bawls

    I’m talking about the real Mike and Jay…

  • Griffin Bain

    But… it’s the family show that’s the talk of the town.

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    I FUCKING HATE THAT GODDAMN DENNY’S COMMERCIAL.

    FUCK YOU DENNY!

  • Griffin Bain

    Yeah. They’re actual VCR repairmen in real life. That’s how they got the idea for the show.

  • Memoman

    The ending to end all endings! Once more!

  • John Dietl

    There’s no doubt that the folks making these decisions in Hollywood are liberals, but I think the real reason they can’t make realistic movies is because they are cowards.

    They couldn’t even make the bad guys in Captain America into Nazis for crying out loud.

  • jmt

    Thank you Jay. You’ve pinpointed my urge to fuck sad turtles.

  • Sully

    It’s not politics. It’s economics.

  • I think it’s secretly their goal to amass the most views on their Care Boars video of all Blip videos ever made.

  • Zan… gief? You want them to review Street Fighter?

  • CB

    “Extremely painful” is less painful than I would expect…

  • Yep… isn’t it rated PG? What the hell kind of zombie movie is rated PG?

  • Jodley

    These guys got me in to Superman.

  • meh

    In the Patriot Mel Gibson charges at a bad guy who’s riding a horse holding an american flag, Mel then impales the fucking horse with the flag throwing the bad guy off, that’s both terrible schlock and extremely awesome action movie craziness, say what you will about Emmerichs filmmaking skills but he’s got some watchable films under his belt unlike his contemporaries like Michael Bay which is basically just diarrhea turned into film

  • Pedro Mizukami

    I love you guys!

  • Dick75

    I was in the theater for White house down and every time people laughed I remained silent and unamused. But every time some badly shot scene, cheesy dialogue, or obscure plot point offhandedly mentioned earlier fulfilled it’s mission of coming up in the finale no matter how ridiculous it looked came up I laughed out loud and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

    I guess what I’m saying is White house down was hilarious, but I don’t think it was for the right reasons.

  • stolliosis

    Good lord, that is hilariously shitty looking. I laughed my ass off when that popped on screen. Possibly one of the best HITB edits ever.

  • Larry Smith

    You just described my entire family.

    Years ago my three brothers and I went to a sneak peak of Aliens vs Predator. We arrived late, the theater was packed and we all had to sit in different areas. The movies wasn’t very good and whenever something stupid or absurd or didn’t make sense happened, you could hear the four of us laughing at the same time, at different spots in the theater. Oddly enough, as the movie progressed and we laughed at the stupid parts, other people started joining in and by the end, there was a solid group of people who ceased to take the movie seriously and laughed at how schlock-y the movie really was.

    You are welcome to join us anytime Dick75.

  • Calculon

    Absolutely, but they’re entertaining enough in parts. Not great, just entertaining. They work for what they are (big dumb popcorn flicks).

    Nearly every RE movie ‘plot’ is basically ‘the world is blowing up, here are some people caught in the middle of it’ (disaster porn). Most times you don’t care about the characters at all, because they are secondary to the SFX.

    At least in ID4 and The Patriot there are some believable, palpable or relatable human relationships going on (Jeff Goldblum and his father/ex-wife, Mel Gibson’s family).

    They’re cliche and predictable, perhaps, but much better than the wooden, stock or otherwise ‘who cares?’ characters of Day After Tomorrow, 10,000 B.C., Godzilla and/or 2012.

    In this case I’ll take ‘faux patriotic’ over ‘disaster porn’.

  • Memoman

    So it’s like Hollywood has attached itself to the Christopher Nolan aesthetic. The Avengers also did well. Why don’t they try for a while to imitate that instead?

  • 715

    Because its hard to write noble and bright heroes, writing a “dark” movie is a piece of cake and just throw in blood and people dying teens are stupid enough to think that’s Mature so they see that in droves.

  • Mark Bisone

    Inside who, though?

    You should use the pull-out method, especially if you live in Texas. Those reactionary, wingnut A-holes are dead set against baby-murder, for some retarded, puritanical, probablyracist reason. In Emmerich’s next movie, I hear those fucks are going to blow up Venus, because that’s where the 3D vaginas live.

    (I sure hope someone saves those poor 3D vaginas. The world is not enough.)

  • lurker

    But the bad guys in Captain America were worse than Nazis. They were at least sticking to the source material. HYDRA is worse than Nazis.

  • Cory Gross

    “I disagree with you on The Lone Ranger moving along at a great pace. The movie was two and a half hours long,but felt like three and half (chore like) hours.”

    Honestly, I have no idea which movie you saw. The movie I saw moved along at a very fast pace and didn’t feel to me at all like it was 2.5 hours long. Was engaged the entire time.

    “Themes & tone were patchwork: comedy,mysticism,faux history,buddy cop actioner? IMO they should have picked and stuck to the strongest way to tell the story and then pepper some of the other bits in. This one was all over the place.”

    On the one hand it admittedly does have echoes of the previous versions of the script in it (the overt supernaturalism of the original drafts – in which the Cavendish gang were werewolves – was toned down to the ambiguity of the wendigo), but on the other hand the seeming erratic tone was reflective of the theme, reinforcing Tonto’s being an unreliable narrator. Like I said, when you understand the theme of how American culture mythologizes its past, the movie gels together.

    “I was like WTF!?”

    I like the original Lone Ranger and even I know that it’s a corny artifact of its time period. I didn’t at all mind that it lampshaded the old corniness (another example: it’s not cynical to give Tonto PTSD… the film lampshaded how he has traditionally been interpreted as a “Noble Savage,” which is itself a racist caricature… yes, Jay was complaining that Tonto was not represented in a sufficiently racist way). What makes up for it is the fact that it institutes all sorts of new, modern corniness.

    “Hint: the movie is NOT Grown Ups 2.”

    Yes, I also intend to see Pacific Rim. But I’m going in expecting nothing more than robots fighting monsters, and I will be satisfied if it at least aspires to being so bad it’s good.

  • Cory Gross

    They became critics when they started making a regular series of videos critiquing movies currently playing in theatres. I don’t know what else you call that practice.

  • Chris

    Next HitB has to be Grown Ups 2 and Pacific Rim. It has to be.

  • Gabe Newell

    But you can’t put Leslie Nielsen in the role because he’s dead.

  • Cory Gross

    Sure they can. If you are of the opinion that the Earth was created in 6 days 6,000 years ago, that women in short skirts are asking to be raped, or that African-Americans are an inferior mongrel race, then you have wrong opinions. This isn’t even the first time Jay and Mike have had wrong opinions. In their Man of Steel review I called them out on the fact that their “there is no Superman for kids” complaint was factually wrong, with a list of cartoons and toys made in the last 20 years specifically directed at kids. If an opinion is based on erroneous or incomplete data or is a fallacious interpretation, then it is wrong.

    Furthermore, your comment is self-refuting. You just said that my opinion that Jay’s opinion is wrong is itself wrong. So there are no right or wrong opinions, except for your opinion that there are no right or wrong opinions. THAT opinion is right, apparently.

  • goobersmacker

    Other than baby boomers and/or people who have been to Disneyland? That equates to hundreds of millions of people.

  • Cory Gross

    There was violence, but it has been severely overstated. The average annual deathtoll of towns during the period of Western settlement was 1.5-2. It is estimated that there were less than a dozen bank robberies in the entire West between 1859 and 1900. Billy the Kid probably only killed 4 men, as opposed to the legendary 21. Gun control laws were far stricter in the Old West than they are today. In most jurisdictions, everyone entering town would have to surrender their firearms. The Gunfight at the OK Corral was instigated by the Clantons and McLaury’s defying the firearms ordinance, resulting in 3 deaths, which was the most number of homicides in a single year in all of Tombstone’s history. Illegal carrying of firearms was the second most common criminal infraction after drunk and disorderly conduct. As a cowboy in the Old West, you were most likely to die of starvation, thirst or an STD than by bloodshed. There was violence, but this tended to be the organized violence of military operations, such as the wars against Native American nations, Mexico, and the Civil War, as well as the occasional range war.

  • Tim Heidecker

    maybe i’m a moron but i laugh like a fucking stupid with the face of Mike at 0:50

  • Dixon Bawls

    reviewer

  • STOP_RIGHT_THERE_CRIMINAL_SCUM

    I’m a pretty liberal guy, for the most part, but even I hate political correctness

    so long as you don’t stray into “An American Carol” territory, then I really don’t care if your movie is less than progressive

  • Likesto Complain

    Just when I think these sell-out hack frauds had given up their flopped series, Hack in a Bag, to focus whatever energy they have to remake the Space Cock trailer as some dark superhero for the kids these days.

    Don’t ever stop making this shlock you hacks. The internet is a cold and much less entertaining place without you.

  • Irondust

    Can’t wait for you guys to review Pacific Rim! It’s not a sequel, remake or even reboot! Isn’t that a miracle?

  • I am so freakin’ tired of that Disneyland commercial!!!

  • Waldo.Pepper

    Robot Jox.

  • James Woods

    Star of Once Upon A Time In America, Videodrome, and Salvador.

    Yes he deserves a little fucking better than Roland Emmerich.

  • aaron johnson

    I know Captain America punched hitler in the face and all but I thought that Hydra was a villain group made after Captain America needed to be more than just mindless propaganda?

  • aaron johnson

    So I guess that’s it for plots in half in the bag episodes then? GREAT. It was getting old anyhow.

  • David Krhut

    blip does not load this one in Czech Republic :-/

  • Gillen Hall

    Ronald Emmerich and Uwe Boll need to collaborate

  • Jeff

    Please review a GOOD movie. We get it, you’re talented at criticizing. Fine. I LOVED your review of Drive. Let’s do a fun one where you really like it and praise your experience. Thanks dudes, love the show.

  • Benzo

    I’m sure they will when one floats to the top of the showbiz toilet. Y’know, whenever that is…

  • Captain Imabadguy

    Everyone here should go see Before Midnight (to my knowledge it’s still being shown in major theaters). Easily one the best movies you will see all year. Stellar direction, brilliant acting, a razor sharp script, and in my opinion, the best of the ‘Before’ trilogy yet. A legitimately dark and bitter, but more importantly, an emotionally affecting film, unlike Zach Snyder’s latest opus.

    Seeing the previous ‘Before’ films is a good idea (the events are referenced briefly), but Midnight is an absurdly engrossing experience regardless (there’s a dinner scene that’s so engrossing you literally feel like you’re sitting at the table).

    Reminds you that films can still be magical and make you feel things other than contempt towards expensive garbage churned out by the Hollywood beast.

  • Palpatine

    WHERE IS THE EPISODE 3

  • Melvin Van Horne

    Alright. I know we all collectively agreed a few years ago to not tell Channing Tatum how terrible he is. But isn’t it about time to let him in on the joke? Seriously, it’s starting to feel a little mean.

  • Orange

    Jay, lose the beard but grow out the ‘stache. Porn-tacular

  • Son of Lee Marvin

    You guys are starting to look a little weary. And I wouldn’t blame you.

    There has been an abysmal collection of films this summer. I suggest you go see ‘The World’s End’ (the third part of the Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost ‘Cornetto Trilogy’) next weekend and enjoy yourself. Maybe even watch Shaun of The Dead and Hot Fuzz before hand. It is the only thing that I have been looking forward to this summer. Hopefully it’ll be a lot of fun. Good work on this review but I may have to put you guys on suicide watch if you continue paying money to go see this schlock.

  • S G

    Right. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they wanted to avoid showing swastikas in their movie.

  • Mike Jakermen

    I blame everything having to be Dark and Brooding on Nolan. Next theirs going to be a Mighty Mouse movie where he sits in his Fortress of Solitude. Cries a river over his dead girlfriend for 8 long years. Why dont we have a Underdog movie where he slits his wrist because hes depressed after the lost of his parents. Hell i wouldn’t put it pass them to do it either. Hell i used to love Bond Movies. Now there duller then shit.

  • S G

    Can’t wait for Grown Ups 2 myself. Err, the HitB-review of it, that is.

    “The great american comedy swindle: The saga continues.”

  • Irondust

    I can’t remember giant monsters in Robot Jox

  • Constantine1985

    I reckon that you’ve hit the hammer on the head. The movie decidedly tries to please everyone. And that’s a great recipe for failure.

  • Patrick Wells

    Actually, the show 24 already did Die Hard in the White House in its Seventh Season. The villain also was a guy from the military industrial complex (it was actually a guy running the private military group. He was played by Jon Voigt).

    Methinks Hollywood saw 24 do it first several years ago, and then ripped it off.

  • John Jay

    Kasdan has Raiders, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi on his resume.

    Goldman has Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, All the President’s Men, The Princess Bride, Misery, Harper, and the Marathon Man on his resume.

    Elliott and Rossio have such masterpieces as Pirates 1, 2, 3, and 4.

    Yeah, I would give Goldman and Kasdan a shot over Elliott and Rossio.

  • rbsite.jp

    I’m just a random commenter, but here’s the dealie-o:

    32 years old. Divorced. Teenage son (don’t ask). Seen a few things. Grew up on Siskel & Ebert as a white American whose parents had the means and good sense to watch them. Those were different times, and times they have a-changed.

    We’ll never have Siskel & Ebert again, but for compelling watchability AND I MEAN COMPELLING Jay and Mike (recently Jay and Mike and Rich) keep me coming back with fevered interested week after week. I love this shit.

    There is potential here for Redlettermedia to be the new “center”, or quasi-center for focused interests, of lackadaiisasasisiacialcal film review. Penny Arcade doesn’t speak for all gamers. Pinterest, Facebook, Livejournal, none of these represent bloggers on the whole. But they are recognized things in the band of interest they operate.

    I have personal high praise for RLM and love, to an unreliably enthusiastic degree, coming to this site week after week.

    So let me back away from myself and try to be a little objective. Something RLM is accused of failing to be by hyperbolic “fans” who, thank you, count as a pair of eyeballs to advertisers regardless of opinion. Objectively…

    Objectively…

    I think for better or worse, this format could evolve. TV stations not wanting to disappear into the void are increasingly looking to web content so they can broadcast something, anything. Preferably something fun. RLM is fun. RLM is fantastically watchable.

    Fantastically watchable.

    So OBJECTIVELY, inasmuch as I can be the guy who toots that horn from my terminally subjective little corner of e-space, let me say that I feel the RLM format is familiar enough to be the next Siskel and Ebert. It has the measured, defended, discussed, “we get it, we’re reviewing bullshit on bullshit” reverie of Internet cynicism AND the measured, defended, discussed, “we get it, movies are bullshit” diplomacy of TV-era film criticism.

    Did that make sense?

    Am I making sense?

    Trying to say, I love this site, but even if I don’t (and sometimes, opinion-wise, I don’t), Jay and Mike and Rich are onto something bigger than we appreciate now. This is a thing that if they are willing to stick with, if the money is there to allow them to stick with it, could represent a FUCK TON MORE than just some guys online being straight about bad films.

    TL;DR, Love you guys. You’re ahead of the curve.

    Best,

    R

  • rbsite.jp

    Whoops, masturbated so hard over my punctuation I left entire phrases out of sentences.

    I think RLM could be the new format that TV shows pick up. And once they do, it leads to the next thing, which leads to the next.

    That was probably easy enough for RLM-calibre readers, but to everyone else, let me spell it out.

    HOWEVER STUPID YOU THINK THIS SITE IS, your being here is proof that the format works a helluva fuck ton well. And I see it going further.

    I think Jay and Mike (and Rich) do too. 🙂

  • Pulp

    I think the costume designers of Tonto were actually inspired by the 173.39ft tall Hermannsdenkmal in Germany. lol

  • kuzefra

    After Lone Ranger and John Carter, Disney should have a longer “what not to do” list than “what to do” for the Star Wars sequels. If they flop, it’s all over for their live action movies except for the Avengers franchise.

  • rbsite.jp

    He’s like a sexy salt shaker that doesn’t realize salt turns into fat. His neck is well ahead of the rest of him, though. I just want to tell the charming dumbass, LOOK AT YOUR NECK! He’s one of those hardworking temporarily good looking forgettables. So, so, so forgettable.

    I keep confusing his name with forgettable NY yuppie porn star Tatum Reed.

    “Who?” Exactly.

  • John Tibbetts

    I think you’re confusing DisneyLAND with DisneyWORLD, which is another thing entirely. I’m not sure about now, but at the time the Pirates movies first started coming out, I’m pretty the whole Pirates themed ride was at DisneyLand in California, which isn’t regarded as a great theme park these days. When people say “Yeah, we’re taking a vacation going ‘to Disney”, they mean in Orlando, Florida. So what’s your deal? Are you some rabid fan of DisneyLand, or do you just like to argue about things that don’t matter? If you’re just trying to make someone feel stupid, then I feel sorry for you.

  • Benzo

    I honest thought Jay said WHORE franchises instead of HORROR franchises. You Americans need to sort that out… it’s getting silly now!

  • Constantine1985

    I would totally watch a Half in the Bag show on Netflix.

  • G. Xiong

    Jeez! Mikes views on movies have become quite darker then usual… How about next time you guys actually treat yourselves to a good movie, instead of wanting to kill yourselves afterwards :/

  • Notna

    “Americas REAL enemies; […] any group that is not primarily straight white men”

  • kenchun24

    Nah…it’s more Shogun Warriors/Gundam anime meets Godzilla/Kaiju films. Saw it twice already. Had a blast. It’s a great time at the movies.

    (and I still adore Robot Jox,saw that shit opening day right after sixth period art class in 7th grade with my buds)

  • PedanticMusicGuy

    Fellas, fellas, fellas. “The Lone Ranger Theme”? Really?

    It’s the William Tell Overture (Guillaume Tell en francais) by Gioachino Rossini. The music is 186 year old,

  • kenchun24

    For sure,I was reading Matt Zoller Seitz review on Roger Ebert’s site of The Lone Ranger and he actually discussed the same themes you mentioned. So maybe I will revisit it someday with fresh eyes as he really liked Lone Ranger,even with its flaws. With that being said, I just read his Pacific Rim review and he like that movie a lot as well. I agree with him of course!

  • Gorrister

    It looked like a cutscene from some Command and Conquer game.

  • Jik

    I’m hoping for Mike to have a nervous breakdown during a special live Half in the Bag episode.

  • Now I Get It

    Because…?

  • Jik

    I always enjoy Mike and Jay’s random plot shit. It’s funny and always way more entertaining than the random shit that other internet reviewers have in their video’s which always grates on me instead.

  • Cory Gross

    I just read his review and it is a thing of beauty. There is a good lesson to be learned, I think, in how all the negative reviews insist that The Lone Ranger is big and dumb and long with nothing going on and a story that makes no sense, but all the positive reviews zero in on the major themes and subtext and interpret the movie in light of them (not to mention that positive reviews actually have a sense of proportion… There is NO POSSIBLE WAY that The Lone Ranger is the worst of anything).

  • Now I Get It

    “I always enjoy Mike and Jay’s random plot shit.”

    Me, too, especially when it’s not so random, as when Rich went off on the 9/11 truthers in a way that was analogous to the theme of HitB’s “Star Trek: Into Darkness” review.

    Maybe both films were so tiresome this time that they just couldn’t inspire Mike & Jay to play around. Maybe these reviews were more like straight work.

  • Marvin Falz

    And don’t forget them destroying dvd’s of their own movie Feeding Frenzy.

  • He finally made it past the pedophile beard stage.

  • I hope Mike was being serious when he said he watched The 400 Blows. Sounds like he needs something beautiful to break up the monotony of these constant Hollowood shitjobs.

  • Ennio Morricone

    Hey, douche-bag….deal with it!

    Mendelssohn’s 1833 hit, “The Symphony of the soiled-britches” was used by John Carpenter on his 1978 movie, “Halloween” and NOBODY refers to that music under it’s original title!

    Welcome to the 21st century ahole!

  • Mark Bisone

    I miss the days when a white man could rape a woman in broad daylight, shoot an Injun in the face, gleefully chop down a forest to build a golf course, gleefully tear down a poor neighborhood to build a shopping mall, conduct freakish Nazi experiments on crippled, homeless ethnic children, misquote Ayn Rand and Charles Darwin while laughing maniacally about how pure and superior he is, then finally get his comeuppance at the hands of another guy who is also white but, like, totally has black friends and hates rich people and stuff.

    Luckily, that is the plot of every single movie lately.

  • Rob Lowe

    I’d totally watch your mom sucking my hairy balls on Netflix!

  • psykins

    Baggin’ the Worst

  • The Love Guru

    Hey, assholes…..just because GU2 stars Adam Sandler doesn’t mean it’s an Adam Sandler freaking movie! He didn’t direct it and only has a partial writing credit!

  • Sully

    AKA – The Lone Ranger Theme

  • Octo Seven

    Shut up. The William Tell Overture transcends time. No one calls the Blue Danube the 2001 music, if they do they’re ignorant fucks.

  • Octo Seven

    The thought of a dark and girtty Mighty Mouse movie is hilarious to me. Directed by Robert Rodriguez with story-boards by Frank Miller.

  • Michael Bay

    After watching a $250m pile of shit like TLR you guys should cleanse your pallets a little and check out what Ben Wheatley did with 300k with “A Field In England,” The whole movie probably cost less than Johnny Depp’s make up budget and just shows what a bunch of money wasting aholes Hollywood are!

  • Octo Seven

    Don’t forget Casino, that was one of the best supporting roles I’ve ever seen.

  • Sully

    Robot Jox is a prime example of movies that Hollywood should remake IF they feel they need to remake something. Leave the classics alone and do over all of those movies that could’ve been great, but flopped because of their budget constraints or the lack of propper technology to execute the idea.

  • Sully

    We can digitally add him in. We have the technology.

  • CB

    The Underdog movie ends with Underdog getting rabies and Polly putting him down.

  • Sully

    I figured they’re in post on Space Cop and don’t have time to film extras for HITB

  • CB

    The problem with Robot Jox (in part) was that there was all of two robot fights and they were short yet simultaneously plodding, boring, and unimaginative. Their big secret weapon was a green laser? Oh noes the enemy stole our green laser. How did they know we were making a laser, but green this time.

    The problem with the Robot Jox remake (in part) will be that there will be five million robot fights that will be crazily fast-paced, indecipherable nonsense that almost entertain for thirty seconds but last an hour.

  • CB

    I call it the 2001 theme… I may be an ignorant fuck (maaaybe) but when conversing with my fellow igno-fuck I like it when they know what I’m talking about.

  • Percy Gryce

    The 400 Blowjobs is my favorite porno.

    Uh, did I say that out loud?

  • Sully

    It can be done. Maybe not in Hollywood, but it can be done. I wouldn’t even mind an indie version. Look at ‘Monsters’ (Budget $500,000) and ‘Troll Hunter’ (3.5 mil). Undeniably decent effects in smaller budgeted films.

    All one would need is a good story and a little vision.

  • CB

    It’s all about who has the rights and how much they think they can sell it for, I guess.

  • CB

    Still would be an improvement.

  • DarthRandal

    Because when these huge budget studio properties do a massive face plant and are panned by critics, our little community here expects our two heroes to show up and completely obliterate it as well.

    I’m actually kind of surprised they didn’t review Beyond Midnight, if for nothing else but a change of pace from all the disappointment we’ve seen on the big screen over the last month or so.

  • Percy Gryce

    I have a mysterious hankering for red, while, and blue pancakes.

  • JonB

    I will, from now on, always picture Maggie Gylliergaeiuv as a sad turtle in every movie I see her in.

  • CB

    The part where we pronounce them similarly, or the part where you can’t tell which was intended because both apply to the movies we make?

  • Percy Gryce

    RLM has interrupted my family vacation with this episode of HITB.

    Thank you.

  • Connor

    WOAH HELLO JAY’S THICK BEARD

  • Acanthus Lux

    Yes, I want more threesomes with Rich Evans!

  • Jip

    I found that first Maggie picture that they showed to be kind of hot. Face may not be (let’s say) conventionally attractive, but she does have good legs!

  • Benzo

    I’ll go with the second one. Context is important but both words apply equally. The part where you pronounce them similarly tickles me…

  • K D

    My penis is inverted.

  • Percy Gryce

    Nice Greydanus ref. Never expected to see his name on RLM.

  • Percy Gryce

    Marvin, where have you been and what’s wrong with your face?

  • Joshua Pelfrey

    Captain America needed to sell action figures. It is really hard to sell Nazi actions figures. Even as bad guys. Because acknowledging bad things happening in history might upset children, making them aware that there are bad people in the world that mean them harm. Can’t have that, might turn them into cautious and conscientious adults.

  • Yezzir!

    Haha, I bet Robert Zemeckis is going to go back someday and digitally remove the Libyans from Back to the Future and replace them with with white yuppies in a BMW.

  • Paul Schumann

    🙂 I always used to read his film column in the National Catholic Register. Now I mostly just follow him on twitter! Always good stuff from him.

  • judy dench

    i just wanted to type the word “CUNT”….thanks!

  • Waldo.Pepper

    Pffft! Close enough mate. Close enough.

  • 90 seconds man

    Go watch ‘Pacific Rim’, you frauds! This review is completely unnecessary.

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh, I’ve been here and there showcasing my beautiful face. Unfortunately I never see any other faces, since they all turn away when they lay eyes on me and spit forcefully on the ground. Hm, there really must be something wrong …

  • Solo4357

    but seriously, what are Mike and Jay’s opinion of the cinematic masterpiece: Sharknado?

  • Rickie

    Don’t you agree that you would be interested in a Lone Ranger movie if it was well written and the story was interesting? I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the “Lone Ranger” franchise, but I will always like good story telling.

    How cost effective would it be for Hollywood to replace special effects and 3D cameras with good stories? They’d make so much money just because of the novelty of actually making a good movie. “Hey, did you see The Lone Ranger? Yes, I know it sounds like a horrible idea, but it was actually brilliant! No, I’m serious!”

  • Sully

    You mean the very same Sharknado that Amazon is advertising this week? And they say there are no more “original” ideas.

  • bb-15

    I’ve seen several trailers for The Lone Ranger. My reason for not seeing The Lone Ranger movie is that Depp looks ridiculous with a dead bird on his head and his crazy person jokes are not funny.
    Jack Sparrow was a completely new character and Depp could be ridiculous and it worked.
    Tonto is a known character as Mike pointed out. Tonto is supposed to be a competent crime fighter and not a clown.

  • TapewormBike

    Man I really really miss the days when I didn’t groan while reading the phrase “starring Johnny Depp”

  • Noodles

    I used to love going to the movies as a kid…now, not so much. There have been very few films that I have been eager to see over the last 10 years or so. Most films now lack imagination, creativity and substance in their story. Hollywood just can’t seem to figure out that it’s good writing that draws you in, not ‘disaster-porn’ or nostalgia aimed at a non-existent audience. I’m not saying I’m a sophisticated film fan, but I know what I like and the studios aren’t delivering the goods. Looks like I’ll be boycotting the theaters again this summer.

    Great HITB episode guys…at least you put more effort into writing these episodes than all of the Hollywood hack-frauds.

  • Ain’t that the truth! Nobody thought either of these were going to be good. Though, and this is beginning to be an issue I have with Half in the Bag, is a lack of research. This is pretty widely known as a pet project of Depp’s, so nobody decided to cast Depp, Depp pushed a studio that owed him, and a director that is his friend (and owes him) into making this film. Dude wanted to play Tonto. I’d like to hear them contrast this film, and Rango, which was another Verbinski and Depp “western”, that is quite well crafted and enjoyable, despite its many pop cultural references and call backs. Oh wait, they’re too “smart” to review a cartoon.

  • I found that entire line of discussion to be sexist and unnecessary. Where was the discussion about how dumb Jamie Foxx looks? His makeup and hair are like, 35% Obama, 65% Danny Glover from the later Lethal Weapon films. Completely childish. What about how Depp’s costume is a direct reference to a famous piece of western art depicting a Native American that was later proven to be completely fabricated? No, no, Maggie G is a measurable amount less “bangable” in this film, let’s be sure to state that.

  • And yet, by HITB standards, and my own, John Carter was a good film. It’s got a pretty good cult following now, actually, strong dvd / bluray sales. Those Star Wars movies are going to make money regardless of whether or not they’re good.

  • Noodles

    Wow…what a cast for that one! I think they meant ‘good’ original ideas. I don’t know, maybe it’s a good flick…with 90210 guy Ian, Kevin’s dad from Home Alone and Tara ‘American Pie’ Reid staring in it, it could be golden!

  • FACLC

    Using “fratty” instead of “fratty/sororitish” is sexist too, really.

  • Kaczor

    😉

  • janziska

    So is mike like …conservative? I mean he’s complaining about old white guys always being the villains in blockbusters, complained that you can’t wave the flag, criticized Avatar for being anti military and heavy handed environmentalism. What do you think?

  • guest

    All that means is that he doesn’t like pointless political correctness. And he’s right, it’s boring when every movie has the same generic motivation for the villains and they’re always old white men that only care about profits.

  • Maggie’s Creases

    Hey! We’ve been around since Secretary! You ignorant jerks!

  • guest

    Why should they have to research a dumb blockbuster before deciding that it sucks? Do you dig up research on every movie you see?

  • Griffin Bain

    I think you might be an idiot. First of all, they were saying there was no BATMAN for kids anymore, and they were saying that because of the new movies that came out in 2008 and 2012. Because those films are very clearly and obviously directed at a more adult audience. And now they’re lamenting that this new Superman seems to be marketed to angsty teens.

    Opinions are not based on facts, they are based on personal feelings. Just because we live in a culture that frequently confuses the two does not mean they are the same thing. You are misinterpreting an opinion as a statement of fact because you have Aspergers or something.

    And… furthermore, My statement that opinions are not right or wrong, is a factual statement. Not an opinion. Because opinions, by definition are not right or wrong. I appreciate the attempt to be meta, but it didn’t make any sense. Now then, stop trying to sound intelligent, stop trying to outwit people. You do not possess the proper faculties.

  • Max Wylde

    I’m a little confused. Not to nitpick so much, but isn’t the Capitol Dome made of Iron?

  • Griffin Bain

    o·pin·ion [uh-pin-yuhn]

    1.A belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
    2.A personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

  • racist prick

    So Mike is a Chinaman?

  • ColinJ

    For that Lambada comment alone Jay wins ALL of the internets.

  • JP

    I saw that on the IMDB front page. It’s from these brilliant minds at The Asylum.

  • Clyde

    I don’t know if I would go that far…honestly Mike doesn’t seem to be too politically minded, though he is certainly aware of politics and its use in film. I think if anything he is just irritated by the overuse of liberal messages in films that come off as pandering or hamfisted. I am actually a liberal myself and I could understand that, honestly I think Hollywood sometimes does a disservice to our ideology by being too upfront with it. I don’t know, that’s just my perspective but if it were the other way around with overtly right wing themes in a movie being extremely common, maybe Mike would also take issue with that, like if a one-dimensional villain was built around some sort of criticism of the left.

  • meh

    You should really see Pacific Rim then, the robot fights are nothing like you described and we get a lot of face time with the pilots and their motivations and what not, not everything works but your summation of it is completely unfair and just flat out wrong

  • meh

    it’s funny because the HiTB review actually mentioned that there ARE swastikas in the film

  • JP

    You two should go and see The Worlds End, cheer yourselves up a bit. Take Rich along.

  • Tom

    Hi

    Is it possible that you could explain this statement ” I think Hollywood sometimes does a disservice to our ideology by being too upfront with it.”

    Forgive me if I am wrong, but why do you think it is a mistake to be too honest?

    Also could you please give me an introduction to your ideology.

    Thank you

  • Advancedcaveman

    A friend and I were talking at a coffee shop about how frustrating it is that every movie nowadays is dark and brooding. We brought up Man of Steel and some guy at a table next to us interrupted our conversation. He said it’s the best Superman movie he’s ever seen because “they made Superman an outcast.” He didn’t actually explain how they did that, or why that’s good, or why we need superman to be an outcast in the first place.

    Anecdotal evidence of course, but I guess people like the mopey emo blandness? Maybe the Lone Ranger isn’t doing well because there’s no part in the trailer where someone does the chin down, eyes up thing. Or they don’t show anyone with their fist on the ground with some gravely voiced narration going “You… Where meant… To do… Things…”

    Or do they? I don’t really know; I can’t stop laughing when I see Johnny Depp in goth makeup saying “There come time when good man wear mask, kemosabe.” Its like we’ve reached the grimdark singularity.

  • anamanaman

    Jeez, it’s about time! You lazy bastards need to watch more movies…

  • Roger Ebert’s Jaw

    I watched “Pacific Rim” and I fucking hated it so HITB will think it rocks. I didn’t hate it as much as “This Is The End” though!

  • Guest

    I just don’t get this mad love that a lot of people have for Man of Steel. I thought it was pretty average. I can understand people hating it, I can also understand people thinking it’s a good film that they had fun with. What I don’t get though are these people who seem to think it’s some masterpiece of blockbuster cinema. Man of Steel? Really?! Scattershot flashbacks followed by disaster porn? Each to their own.

  • Solo4357

    I watched it last night. It was glorious. Ian cut himself out of a shark that swallowed him with a chain saw.

  • Billy Nunez

    GET IN MY LIVING ROOM

  • rikkibarnes

    As someone involved in the comic book fandom (sadly, at this rate), I can tell you why. I felt that a lot of people deluded themselves into believing MoS was the ‘messiah’ film that would bring DC Comics’ films to a new level and gain respect for the CBM medium through ‘mature, profound’ storytelling in a way that the TDK trilogy did…and therefore cement DC/WB as THE best comics movie production company. The movie also had elements in it that people say were ‘accurate to the comics’ unlike the previous movies (which still did, to a degree) even though I would say such elements were superficial and the context of the events (such as Superman killing Zod) were better written and different to what MoS did. And yes, many of those fans value a shallow definition of ‘mature filmmaking’ which tends to equate to ‘dark colors’ and ‘angst/destruction/death’ rather than content of actual substance.

  • Sully

    Asian-American, ya racist prick.

  • BunnyFooFoo

    The minimum I ask from a movie is that it should at least make a legitimate effort to tell me a story. It doesn’t have to be a great story, but at least it needs to be coherent. It should have things like characters that have an identifiable role and a plot that proceeds from a beginning to an end in a way that makes some kind of sense. It should originate with some sort of creative spark inside an author who has something–something at all–to say.

    Somewhere along the line there was a shift in the fundamental nature of the big movies away from storytelling and toward, as they said so accurately in the review, just bombarding the viewer with picture and sound. I think about some of the $100 million movies I’ve seen in the last year or so, like, say, Sherlock Holmes 2 or Prometheus, and they don’t even really qualify as stories. They’re just…things happening in a sequence as an excuse to propel us from one hyperkinetic visual setpiece to the next. At no time are they even remotely interested in coherence; they exist like a roller coaster or a fireworks display to stimulate the senses, not to engage the deeper emotions.

    I think that’s why people seem less and less interested in Hollywood blockbusters these days and movies now seem so tiresome. Without the connection between the author and audience that a real story can establish, a movie is reduced to a meaningless sensory assault, and there’s only so long people can endure that.

  • Baló Timár

    I don’t really watch Channel Awesome but Oancitizen’s videos are quality stuff. They are funny and educational. Seriously, that The Man Who Fell to Earth review…guy’s got talent.

  • Hank

    I can’t wait for RLM to review that new monster movie that came out Thursday, you know the one by the oceans. What was that called again?

    Oh yeah, Sharknado! I know they will love it!

  • Percy Gryce

    Even the Internet that NASA is building on Mars?

  • Cory Gross

    Wow, I made your monocle pop right out, didn’t I?

    Mike and Jay spoke of both Superman and Batman in their lament that they were made inaccessible to kids. That lament, however, was factually incorrect. For the past 20 years, DC has been producing several cartoons and licencing several toy lines aimed directly at kids. In fact, the newest one – Beware the Batman – debuts TOMORROW.

    Likewise, your opinion that opinions cannot be right or wrong is also factually incorrect, as evidenced by the examples I gave. Apparently you labour under the impression that your opinions are SO right that they’re not even mere opinions anymore, but statements of brute fact. You have an interesting self-conception, but it is also incorrect.

    Incidentally, you might want to look up the definition of “opinion.” According to Oxford:

    opinion
    noun
    1a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge
    – [mass noun] the beliefs or views of a group or majority of people
    – an estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something

    There is nothing in that definition which says that an opinion cannot be right or wrong.

  • Benzo

    I had no idea what The Lone Ranger even was until yesterday when I first saw this review (honestly). I thought it was an American folk tale or something… I’ve heard only three references to The Lone Ranger in my 20 years on this earth so yeah, it’s the William Tell Overture.

  • Jason Abrams

    I can’t wait for the sequel…Vatican down!

  • Percy Gryce

    One of the best insights that RLM has shared is the almost inherent dumbness of the contemporary blockbuster and the interest of small well-told genre stories. I’m thinking particularly of the HITB review of Looper and Dredd. I finally got around to watching them both (and Lockdown as well), and I found that I really enjoyed the small-scale futuristic storytelling. It’s a real lesson that Hollyweird has yet to learn: the very existence of the world doesn’t have to be at stake in order to engage an audience.

  • Percy Gryce

    The weekend weather forecast is cloudy with a chance of Sharknado.

  • Sully

    Whaaaaah? How was this not a wide release?

  • Percy Gryce

    How many vodka gimlets have you had?

  • Percy Gryce

    I hope it’s better than that shite called Paul, which I took to be the unofficial dénouement of the trilogy.

  • Percy Gryce

    “Beard”? I’ve got more hair on left nut.

  • BunnyFooFoo

    White House Down just wasn’t trying hard enough. They were too subtle with their nuanced and sophisticated message. They needed to, like, make the leader of the commando raid a disgruntled female ex-governor from Alaska who shows up wearing a suspiciously SS-like uniform and shoots the Easter Bunny with her moose rifle during the White House easter egg hunt. At the end the evil Republicans are sent to Europe in carbon-neutral, solar-powered ships and tried by the UN in the World Court, ensuring the peace and prosperity of the US under a glorious one-party state for a thousand years. The last scene shows Channing Tatum and the POTUS standing beneath a flag bearing the Obama campaign logo, staring majestically into the sunset as the sea levels fall and an adoring crowd of perfect racial diversity chants, “Yes We Can!”

    You’d have to drag Chris Matthews out of the theater like Pee-Wee Herman.

    Really now. I mean, imagine how Hollywood would react to a script in which the black POTUS is actually a muslim Manchurian candidate from Kenya. He infiltrated the US with a forged birth certificate and plans to destroy us from within by shutting down oil production, opening the borders, aborting all god-fearing Christian babies, and disarming patriotic citizens so he can install a communist regime. At one point in the movie he lights up his bong with the actual US Constitution. The only people who stand in his way are a heroic talk radio host and a ragtag band of hunters and Tea Partiers.

    The only difference between this movie and White House Down is that the latter was actually made. That’s Hollywood for you.

    Personally, I think they should combine these two plots into one gigantic Voltron-plot of supreme retardation that contains every hysterical partisan political boogeyman in existence.

  • Solo4357

    Its a traves

  • Percy Gryce

    Exactly. It’ll be like when they finally showed Jenny Piccalo on Happy Days or (so I’ve heard) when they revealed the mother on How I Met Your Mother. It’s why they never showed Charlie on Charlie’s Angels. Some things are better left to the imagination.

  • Justin

    Yes. Everyone knows its the William Tell Overture. Im assuming the used the words “The Lone Ranger Theme” because…well…stay with me here, but its a review for The Lone Ranger.

  • Percy Gryce

    Three words: Brown. Paper. Bag.

  • Hank

    What were you doing watching Pacific Rim on opening night when the Sharknado premier was on? Do you like watching money burn on screen, or do you like creative, inspired art?

  • Percy Gryce

    “National Catholic Register”: now there’re three words you don’t see on RLM everyday.

  • Kviii

    Frauds of the hack variety

  • RC

    Mike corpsing is always a pleasure. Great episode.

  • Allan Bøgeskov Jensen

    When is the next Best of the Worst?
    When is the next Grabowskis season?
    When is the next Plinkett review?
    When is the next everything?
    I love this site so much!

  • Clyde

    By ideology I meant liberalism, the political belief in the United States that exists opposite of conservatism and usually tends to be based around ensuring equality and civility. That’s just the basic definition. And by it being a disservice to that political view I mean to say that the Hollywood portrays liberal attitudes or messages is too simplistic and almost seems to condescend to the viewer and in focusing so much on a forced message sacrifice other aspects of film: story, characters, etc. I may agree with the messages of some of these films or agree with their creators but that doesn’t make a film good like White House Down which uses cheap, simplistic unrealistic motivations for their villains to be portrayed as right-wing zealots with no real other insight into what could make them interesting characters. So essentially what I am saying is that there is a time and a place for politics, and when done right in a film, works. But it is more often than not done wrong and just makes the filmmaker who displays those beliefs appear really ignorant and in the process others who follow those beliefs too. I just wish politics would not interfere with art in such a way as this.

  • Clyde

    You’re absolutely right. I am a liberal in every way but I don’t like when film makes conservatives out to be so simplistic and generic because it reflects badly on us and it would also on conservatives if the situation was reversed. I really wish that political messages and themes within film should be left to those who do it right like Terry Gilliam with Brazil and not to simple-minded directors like James Cameron, George Lucas, or Roland Emmerich.

  • Memoman

    It looks like Pacific Rim went with the Avenger’s Fun Initiative! So it seems like Pacific Rim is getting the job done after all! Pun intended.

  • williamsn411

    I agree that I think Hollywood goes overboard sometimes with liberal politics…and I’m a liberal. I think it’s ok if you want to put in a subtle political message (conservative or liberal), but for the most part I think politics should be removed from movies.

  • Sully

    So was Transformers and Man of Steel, but… you know…

  • infernocanuck

    He took a vow of celibacy, but now the Pope is going to fuck up the bad guys! Coming Summer 2015!

  • infernocanuck

    Yes, it is totally reasonable to assume a person’s complex social and political views from a few segments of review material. I suggest you worry less about where Mike’s politics lie, and focus more on how fun and insightful the reviews are. 🙂

  • infernocanuck

    Well, the way you pronounce Aluminum tickles us, so I guess we’re even.

  • G. Xiong

    If you cut up clips from the last reviews and stitch them together it might even seem like a cry for help suicide watch kind of thing.

  • Naes

    The summer of disappointment continues. Has there been another summer recently with such crappy movies? Luckily Grown-ups 2 is opening on Friday!

  • Guest

    How about some 80s Westerns, as a palate cleanser. Frisco Kid, Silverado, Pale Rider, Quigley Down Under.

  • Guest

    During Lone Ranger’s rabbit scene I actually heard Mike’s voice in my head saying – well here’s some CGI shit they just stuck in here because it’s been five minutes since anything happened.

  • Asshole

    Yes, why the fuck did Batman have to go to Japan in one movie and then fucking become Bruce of Arabia in the next movie?

  • Bob JaBopistan

    Wait, that isn’t Transformers 4?

  • Naes

    Pale Rider is a better Lone Ranger movie than Lone Ranger.

  • BigDumbPopCornMovie

    I hate myself.

  • CB

    I wasn’t talking about Pacific Rim. I was talking about the Robot Jox remake that Hollywood will dredge up and slap together once they see Pacific Rim make all the monies.

  • Quinn Mallory

    The only Emmerich movie I actually like is Stargate.Probably because it doesn’t really have any tipical “Emmerichness”,and the story was interesting enough to spawn an extended universe with the TV series-of which he has nothing to do though….

  • Sully

    Which is why Die Hard remains one of the greatest action-genre films in history. It was a single guy in a single building, and it all boiled down to nothing more than an elaborate robbery, yet the stakes seemed infinitely higher than anything in White House Down or Man Of Steel. Why? Because we cared.

    We gave a shit about John McClane, we cared whether or not he saved his wife and those hostages. We rooted for that motherfucker, and everytime he took out a “terrorist”, it felt like a victory. Was it a perfect movie? No. But compared to today’s schlock? It’s like comparing gold to shit.

  • Percy Gryce

    A single guy in a single building with tons of broken glass . . . and WITHOUT ANY FUCKING SHOES.

  • John Smith

    Okay. Maggie G is a measurable amount less bangable in this film.

  • Jerem

    I’m depressed now. Thanks, Mike and Jay.

  • Jerem

    I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic about Grown Ups 2 or not. I hope so.

  • decora

    if someone interrupted me in a coffee shop like that, id look at them, and they would stop talking.

  • decora

    like most of snyders movies, i dont like it as a movie, but i love little pieces of it, and i think most people kind of are on that boat somewhere (even Jay liked the Krypton stuff)

  • Now I Get It

    As likely an explanation as any. The “Seinfeld” writing staff saved production time similarly, after Seinfeld stipulated that they not waste time thinking up titles. Thus, every episode’s title had the same pattern of “The __________”, e.g, “The Pick”, “The Bubble Boy”, “The Opposite Side”, etc.

    If they do an outtakes episode, maybe we’ll find out.

  • decora

    if you have bothered to watch his work you would understand how bizarre your question is. please watch the grabowskis, feeding frenzy, all the plinkett reviews, audio commentaries, etc.

    i am a liberal pinko and i agree with him 100% on most of his comments. hollywood’s politics is so hypocritical and clueless its embarassing to watch. Sam Fuller, an actual war veteran, would likely never make any of these shitty choices in his films… go check out Big Red One some time.

  • Now I Get It

    Admit it: your post is just a honey-pot to expose the sympathisers of America’s New Right, isn’t it?

    …Alright, fine, you got me.

  • MichaelKz

    And a movie that’s also very long, a box office bomb, but actually very good, Heaven’s Gate.

  • Advancedcaveman

    I’m just really really indifferent to it. I can’t even be bothered to go see it. I’m so tired of remakes and I care even less when its a gritty realistic remake.

  • decora

    it is good to watch propaganda films some times, just to remember what it looks like in its most extreme form. and it doesnt matter what country it comes from.

  • as

    Old men

    are the future.

  • decora

    me too. great stuff like Transformers the Animated Movie, He-Man the Animated Movie, Mac and Me, Supergirl, I mean, where are the great films like that today?

  • DooDooBrown

    Also Wild Bunch and Outlaw Josey Wales

  • decora

    Prometheus. spoilers.

    Archaeastronomers discover patterns in ancient renderings of the night sky. They treat it as a map. They travel to investigate aboard a ship whose owners may have secret motives. They arrive at a planet and find it to be a mystery.

    The two scientists are in love. One is a very reckless but very enthusiastic type – the sort who would test his own sickness cure by infecting himself with a disease and then taking the pills he’d created. Or who would step to the edge of a volcano to take a sample reading. The other is more cautious, and also probably more intelligent.

    They travel for the glory of science, the thrill of exploration, the mystery of human history and the nature of life and the universe. They are assisted by quasi mercenaries who, while having technical skill, have none of the rapt wonder at the ideas involved, nor the wonder of the cosmos. Or, even if they do, are more pragmatic and less daydreamers.

    The planet turns out to be an awful, dark, evil place. The idealism of the scientists is dashed into pieces. And lives begin to be lost. Not only are the scientists disenchanted with what they find, one of them dies, and then it turns out the ship owners merely wanted immortality for an old rich man. Not the glory of discovery. Not the wonder of the cosmos. Just another jerk looking for the fountain of youth.

    In the end, there is only one survivor, and she only survives because of the self-less sacrifices of those who never really shared her level of enthusiasm for discovery in the first place.

    If you missed this story, maybe go back and give it another chance.

  • Sully

    Glass! Who gives a shit about glass?!

  • jello

    I would actually pay to watch that, if for no other reason than because it’s reasonably inventive. The action hero President trope has been done way too often, and perhaps an action hero Pope movie might explore some intriguing religious/spiritual issues rather than tiptoeing around political ones.

  • DooDooBrown

    For a real Wendigo movie, check out Ravenous. Its top notch and the hauntingly awesome soundtrack was done by Damon Albarn (singer from Blur and The Gorillaz).

  • Sully

    Friends used a similar time-saving method.
    “The one with the bullies”
    “The one at the beach”
    “The one with free porn”

  • decora

    i think what Jay was saying was maybe something like this. You can’t really make 500 million dollars revenue on a film that doesn’t have a currently popular franchise behind it. Star Wars, Avengers, Iron Man, GI Joe, Fast Furious, Harry Potter, Twilight, Batman, etc… all these films were reboots/sequels of stuff that had recent success in the marketplace (books, cartoons, comic books, prior films that cost less). Even Lord of Rings started out in smaller pieces to test the waters first. They didnt make a 250 million Hobbit movie after 50 years of nothingness. I cant remember anything Lone Ranger from being a kid in the 80s, maybe a cartoon?

    And Mike’s point is good too. Even as a kid I could tell the Tanto thing was a little weird – like why the fuck can’t that guy talk right? Is he fucking retarded? Cherokees had had a newspaper since the early 1800s, and I learned about it in grade school, but the show is supposedly set in the 1870s/80s I mean what the fuck?

  • decora

    You can actually argue that they stole this from a Kevin Smith podcast he did with producer Scott Mosier. He was talking about sharks for some fucking reason and asked something like, what if you had a giant like mass of sharks in a circle in the sky?

  • decora

    That sad turtle saved that school for those kids!

  • Joseph Frank

    I don’t understand Hollywood’s obsession with making light hearted heroes grimdark either. Superman is not really meant to be angsty. He can be, sure, see: the 90’s, but typically, when you want an angsty superhero, you choose Batman or Spawn or somebody known for being relatively angsty in the first place. You don’t choose somebody that’s typically imagined smiling and posing heroically in front of an American flag…in broad daylight…without any tears, overcast weather or dead babies at all!

    Same with the Lone Ranger. Do the majority of movie goers want this? Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think so. If anything, audiences seem to be tired of the angst.

  • decora

    does anyone else find it fucking annoying when fat fucking slobs just comment on whether they think a woman is hot, as if,

    1. anyone fucking cares what you think about it

    2. there is some objective measure that we all share, and its whatever you think it is, as if we all agreed with you anyways

    3. as if they would ever in a million years say it to her face?

    seriously. i stopped shit shit when i was like 10 years old. what the fuck is the matter with you?

  • decora

    Maggie G wouldnt fuck you if every guys dick on the planet rotted off except yours and then scientists discovered that your dick cured cervical cancer with 100% success rate.

  • Ted

    I’ve been waiting for the new half in bag for what has felt like ages, and it was all that I hoped it would. Keep up the good work!

  • Now I Get It

    The story of “Heavens Gate”‘s production is oddly relevant here. Its director, Michael Cimino, was of a generation of directors whose combined failures led to the rise of the producers who would thereafter determine what movies got made for wide commerical release.
    In the space of some 20 years, movie-making decisions went from being backed by the auteur theory to being backed by the profit motive. This, according to Peter Biskind’s two histories: *Easy Riders, Raging Bulls* and *Down and Dirty Pictures*.
    Whereas today, another 20 years on, we’ve got a hybrid of these two false alternatives: the auteur hack, who has found a way to make his indulgences profitable. This, according to Red Letter Media.

  • decora

    the WTO is dozens of minutes long, in the show they used about 45 seconds? 2 minutes? fuck off.

  • decora

    dear dick for brains,

    nobody calls “duh duh duh duh” the Dvoraks’ New World Symphony, they call it the Jaws Theme, probably because its part of a larger work that is entirely different after the first few bars, even though the first few are basically the same

    also nobody calls Star Wars “that shitty imitation of Holsts planets”

    also the same for Thus Sprake Zarathustra, which most people have no idea what the fuck you are talking about

    not to mention how many people would get Beethoven’s 9th and 5th mixed up

    while we are at it lets talk about the Ode to Joy, which most people wont know is Beethoven’s 9th anyways.

    also get a fucking haircut. you look like john romero.

  • Sully

    Are his views getting darker, or do they merely match the increasing level of shit that the asshole of hollywood keeps dumping on us?

  • Now I Get It

    Oh, I’d forgotten about them, but – bingo! – it’s obviously the same economy of time, with the added kicker of making each title into an in-joke for regular viewers, to wit: “The one with/at/where __________”.

  • decora

    john carter actually did OK in foreign markets (when the fuck did Canada and Mexico become overseas) … i am not sure i trust Disneys numbers on the loss. especially since VOD (hint – half in the bag is a VOD product) is a huge market now and nobody publishes numbers for it.

    maybe they just wanted tax writeoffs or to fire the dude in charge of it.

  • decora

    yes, im sure the Netflix corporate offices are abuzz with this. “those guys in Milwaukee, they raise funds by auctioning off old shitty props. lets ditch this VC money and IPO stuff and start doing that!!”

  • decora

    actually John Adams did this. the villain was some asshole in a wig who talked funny, (some foriegn guy). methinks 24 saw it 200 years ago, and ripped it off.

  • decora

    well, we could have the opposite. one of my fav internet bits is when Nostalgia Chick talks about Anastasia the Bluth film, she says what if we had a holocaust movie with a singing mouse in it?

  • decora

    If you watch Tatums lesser known films they work pretty well. He can do stuff besides look pretty

  • decora

    I hate to break this to you, but Rich actually is a 9/11 truther. That stuff you thought was so funny was actually like his “good bye” to RLM.

  • decora

    the one where the lady says she was a lesbian? or the one where the people are planning an invisible house?

  • decora

    check out “superman is a dick” website some time.

  • decora

    as opposed to the 1920s and 1930s when everything was for the art? come on dude. profit has always been a motive.

  • decora

    orrrrrrr its because we were 20 years younger and inclined to invest more with stories we hadnt seen yet on screen, before we had seen 10000 films. people back then thought die hard was shit too, compared to the great films of the 70s. and people in the 70s thought those films were shit compared to the 50s. etc.

  • decora

    yes. have the pope fight against nazis.

    now that would be a real piece of fiction.

  • decora

    the older i get, the less im infatuated with Brazil. still an amazing movie but i dont go ‘oooooomg you have to watch this’ anymore like i did when i was 19. consumers for christ. hilarious, , , , but now im more like.. ok whatever.

    id say a better politics in film is stuff like Fuller -> Big Red One or maybe Best Years of their Lives …. or any of Zhang Yimou, or even the Soviet version of War and Peace. Hell, even Watchemn had things to say deeper than some of the stuff in Brazil.

  • Will A.

    Why the fuck do you even bother coming to this site? Go somewhere else. Seriously. Get the fuck out of here.

  • Will A.

    I would like to sit with you for a while.

  • Will A.

    Agreed.

  • What the devil are you talking about?

  • G. Xiong

    Well there are some good one out there or some independent films. Im just saying reviewing horrible movies over and over again cant be fun every time for these guys.

  • Sully

    I thought Die Hard (the original) was great back then, and that opinion hasn’t changed. On the flip side, I thought Action Jackson was shit, and guess what…

  • Will A.

    But look how stupid these movies are! They’re obviously made for conservatives!

  • Will A.

    If it wasn’t for fucking drooling idiots (teabaggers/conservatives) then movies like this wouldn’t even get made. So go fuck off with your political bullshit.

  • Will A.

    The Lone Ranger is fucking horrible. It lays fucking siege to intelligence. A person should be imprisoned if he/she likes a movie that shows the machine gun murder of 500 people and then for comic relief shows a hat-wearing horse in a tree. In fact, Johnny Depp should be imprisoned for crimes against humanity. Shame on anyone who says anything positive about this movie and thus potentially perpetuates hollywoods ass-fucking anyone with an IQ over 40.

  • Will A.

    I’m sorry but some things are just bad and have no redeeming qualities. Matt Zoller Seitz must have been drunk or paid off to give a positive review to something so obviously bad. However, I suppose you could always give the Third Reich a good review for how well organized they were.

  • Patrick Wells

    Why no skits this time and side stories? Are you guys retiring that and just doing straight reviews now?

  • Sam

    Mike’s laugh after saying “thanks Roland Emmerich, I hope someone shoves a club up your ass” is reason enough to watch this episode over and over again.

  • Will A.

    Griffin, dude, you can’t argue with these people. It’s like arguing with children. Stupid, stupid, stupid children.

  • Gagarin

    I love you guys. So much.

  • Stone Palmer

    It’s heartening that these dumb movies flopped, but is there any chance in hell that Hollywood will change tack? Nope. The public, and most of us here (probably), are drawn to star power, marquee names, and familiar themes. And even these flops make more $$ than some movie by (insert name of favourite indie director here). I guess Hollywood will keep playing safe, and perhaps cut down on the budget. And budgets could certainly be trimmed: any of the latest “blockbusters” probably cost as much, or more, as every movie the Coen brothers ever made. How on earth do you spend a quarter of a billion dollars on a movie??!! (not counting promotional costs!)

  • kenchun24

    Pacific Rim is the cure to the current summer blockbuster disappointment. For me and both audiences I saw it with (I’ve seen it twice now). Del Toro did good IMO.

  • kenchun24

    Only if Bay is the director.

  • Stone Palmer

    And another thing… Empire Strikes Back supposedly cost $18 million! Why does it now cost 15 times as much to make a “big” movie?

  • kenchun24

    Ha! Well I did say MAYBE I would revisit Lone Ranger again someday. My initial run in with it was not satisfying to say the least.

  • kenchun24

    Modern craft services? Massive computer servers? I also think Aliens was $17 million.

  • BunnyFooFoo

    That’s the outline for a plot. That took $0 and a few paragraphs to tell. The actual story–the thing that makes characters grow and come alive to the point that I care about them and creates actual tension that makes me feel something and has meaningful things to say about any of the above ideas–is what they spent $200 million and 2 hours or so not telling while people did stupid things on the screen.

    You know…It’s been a year, though, and at this point I’m not even going to go there. YMMV, I guess.

  • Cory Gross

    LoL, great satire of critical hyperbole!

  • Cory Gross

    Empire’s initial budget was $18 million. Over the course of production it inflated up to $33 million. After adjusting for inflation, it would equal about $93 million today.

  • Cory Gross

    The Lone Ranger is not grimdark or angsty. It’s far, far more of a comedy.

  • Cory Gross

    Tonto has never been a character until this movie. Prior to this, he was an archetype of the Noble Savage. The movie lampshades this by having an aged Tonto in a museum-style display of the Noble Savage in a Wild West show.

    I totally admit that it’s a little skeezy to have Tonto not played by an actual Native American, but what I did appreciate about the role is that he was an actual character instead of a trope. He had his own motivations, his trauma, and personality. It’s the other Native people in the movie who tell the Lone Ranger that Tonto’s mind is broken and why. It also, y’know, explains the ridiculousness of the character. Believe it or not, it’s all deliberate and actually supports the story and its themes.

  • Cory Gross

    If you don’t know the background of A) The Lone Ranger franchise, B) Western films as a genre, their habits, history and tropes, and B) Western settlement in the United States, then you will miss huge parts of the film’s themes and subtext. Without them, the disparate elements in the film make no sense. With them, it all gels together.

    It is hands-down easy to tell which reviewers knew what they were talking about and which didn’t. The ones that didn’t said things like how the 1933 bookend was unnecessary and that it’s too bad that Tonto wasn’t represented as a Noble Savage. The ones who did know what they were talking about wrote essays with big words like “deconstruction” in them.

  • stryker1121

    Grown Ups 2 may actually physically kill Jay and Mike.

  • No Country for Told Men

    I throw up in my mouth a little each time I remember that Adam Sandler is still alive and making movies

  • Benzo

    Hmm, I guess so 😉

  • afsfd

    WHERS MY SUPER MARIO BROS MOVIE REVIEW YOU HACKS

  • John Bigbootay

    Ravenous is one of my favorite horror movies. Definitely one of the quirkiest. Great cast, and yes, amazing and unique soundtrack, which is rare in movies. The first half is very creepy, and the rest is just fun to watch.

  • bb-15

    Archetypal characters have worked for a long time.
    Hollywood does not need to take classic heroes and then make them ready for a nervous breakdown in a new film.
    This is what Mike and Jay were talking about. Being excited about movies with classic characters.

  • nipslippurgatory

    “felt something while watching a movie”…why must they make me realise things?

  • John Bigbootay

    Another great episode guys.

    And Mike, thank you for being one of the few to point out the absurd political correctness and hypocrisy so pervasive in movies. Not only is it insulting to some us more conservative leaning viewers(which is a huge chunk of the audience, folks), but it’s just boring-ass storytelling. Unless rolling my eyes is the desired effect, that is.

    For this, I really appreciated the Jack and Jill, Indy Jones, Avatar, and Titanic reviews. Excellent commentary about it.

  • Jonah Falcon

    On “Before Midnight” – I was fairly disappointed. The second film (“Before Sunset”) was far more nuanced and intelligent. “Before Midnight” felt contrived and paper-thin in comparison.

  • S G

    Yup.. you briefly see one or two (been a while since I watched the movie). Compare that to older films of the same genre, aimed at the same audience… like Raiders, Indy 3 or Rocketeer. I don’t even know what the big deal is: Has PC come so far that they’re now trying to not offend any Nazis?

    Anecdote time: I am German and I watched Indy 3 in the theatre the day it came out over here. The “Nazis … I hate these guys”-line provoked a very strong reaction indeed: Huge laughter and standing ovations from the entire audience.

  • winzentween

    love this show. I saw both the white house films but wondered why suddenly there was a need to make 2 similar films which were equally bad as OHF sicked though it was better by being more dumb to the point of funny though the cgi was horrible.

    I feel like Hollywood films are punching my brain and Im getting scared at the level of stupidity and ignorance which is a little sad especially when local cinemas refuse to show actual films with any type of integrity message, quality etc.
    This fear of offending audiences and instead offending your brain is equally worrying as seen in the rewriting of WW2 history in Cpt America which had watered down non german non nazis. Why not have Chinese or Middle eastern or Russian bad guys lol If the film is paid for by the west starring western actors etc. for the Western market so play to the sterotypes as that is why they exist…Why was it ok to have the British as villains for so long but even that is a no no in big films lol
    Even OHF had Koreans who were actually not Koreans and certainly not North Koreans lol Everything is going to hell in films lol

  • S G

    Now you listen to me, you little asshole..!

  • Griffin Bain

    I give up.

  • Chris Pendlebury

    Star power is not a new, or bad thing. A good cast interests me just
    as it interested Grandma when she saw casablanca, or Grandad when he saw
    butch cassidy. What doesn’t interest me is unrequired/too soon reboots,
    like amazing spiderman, lone ranger, and man of steel. People think
    they want to see this stuff, but it makes them feel jaded, and
    eventually I think this lazy trend will collapse.

    Pacific rim interests me, and one of the reasons for this is simply that it’s a big budget movie that has originality running through its veins.

  • winzentween

    the ending is epic with the theme tune, very funny guys 😀

  • Sully

    Asshole? I’m not the one who just got butt-fucked on national television, DWAYNE!

    Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Quit being part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!

  • Tess

    Another great HITB. I discovered your Phantom Menace review a few weeks ago and have DEVOURED every single video since. Mike, Jay, and the rest of the crew: You guys are amazingly talented and HILARIOUS!

  • FB

    The lone ranger music just reminds me of Clockwork Orange now.

  • Pleb Collins

    Can’t seem to watch content from this site on android; will wait for the You Tube upload that’s coming soon?!

  • Asinus

    Where did you leave nut?

  • Now I Get It

    I’m shocked. And torn. Should I stay here beneath RLM’s limitless blue skies, or fly with Rich INTO DARKNESS?

    What would Martin Luther do?

  • Cory Gross

    Except that the Noble Savage archetype is racist. It doesn’t work anymore.

  • Now I Get It

    “…profit has always been a motive.”

    Agreed. But to be round about it, so has art, as each side, the commercial and the soulful, needs the other. The question is always: Is their relationship reciprocating, with one providing what the other needs but cannot make for itself, or hierarchical, with one making the other take what it’s given, whether it needs it or not?

    I think that right now their relationship is hierarchical, with commerce on top, so that no one becomes an auteur today unless he can make money, and no producer hires a director who is not a money-making auteur.

    But even then I don’t believe that Hollywood runs on money. That’s a red herring. I think it runs on prestige, that is, the desire to be thought well of by others whom you think are better than you. Those people want to be impressive somehow, and extravagent spending is just how they’ve chosen to do it, even if that means that they hate themselves outside their own money-making enclave, which most of them do because they’re liberals.

  • tjp77

    The Patriot was a damn good movie.

    That is all.

  • Now I Get It

    Seconded. “Die Hard” was the first movie, for me, since maybe “Star Wars”, that I paid to see twice in about a week on its initial release. I remember a friend and I sitting on a restaurant patio and saying “Yeah, we should do that, let’s go.” That film was some fresh air.

  • Now I Get It

    And so it goes.

  • Now I Get It

    Yes. Twice, in fact, over the years.

  • Constantine1985

    I really enjoyed the whole “hipster story”.

  • Constantine1985

    Indeed. Just re-watched one of these days. Robert Carlyle does an awesome job.

  • Constantine1985

    So, 20 years from now people will think “White House Hard” is a masterpiece? Nope. Come on, it was just an example.

  • Constantine1985

    Die Hard is awesome.

  • Now I Get It

    I’ve noticed a lot of simiar asides in other reviews, so, I think it’s a reasonable question, especially given how broadly based the Right has become since about 2009.
    On the other hand, this golden age of American comedy, which began in the 1950s and which I think we’re still in, began with a constellaton of improv theatres – The Premise, The Proposition, The Committee, The Second City, and others – inspired by The Compass, whose members had been radicalised by liberal ideas being taught at the time at the University of Chicago, and whose goal was to make fun of their own ideals. So, there’s a decades-long tradition in America of the Left mocking the Left.
    In other words, even when you know what someone is mocking, it’s hard to know, without an explicit statement, which end of the politcal spectrum he’s mocking from.

  • Percy Gryce

    I left my right nut on the battlefield, thank you very much. Lefty is still functioning, however.

  • Percy Gryce

    Do you live around here much?

    I mean, isn’t sarcasm the default setting for a positive comment on RLM about an Adam Sandler movie?

  • Hans Gruber

    I miss evil villains from europe… Im from europe so it’s ok for me to say that. Seriously American villains dont pack the same punch.

  • Miss Eris

    Nobody does “evil villain from europe” better than you, Hans baby.

  • Miss Eris

    It is not coincidence. It happens far too often.

  • Guest

    You’re saying that because of your “conservative leaning” opinions you want to see non-white people portrayed as villains? Hmm…

  • dan

    nah

  • Miss Eris

    I voted you down just for your name.

  • Miss Eris

    I don’t think you were paying attention.

  • Miss Eris

    I don’t think Johnny Depp was what’s wrong with this film, but your mileage may vary. It can’t be denied that Depp hasn’t played a starring role in a good film since 2009’s “Public Enemies” (unless you count his voice in “Rango”).

  • Miss Eris

    I’m not old enough to have seen “Die Hard” in the theater, but watching it now in comparison to a film like “White House Down” I have to say its a bloody masterpiece. I sincerely doubt that I will look back on “White House Down” or “The Lone Ranger” in two decades time and say to myself, “That’s how films ought to be made, damnit!”

  • Rick Berman

    I loved this episode. Watched it three times already. Great work, guys.

  • playahatindouche

    I thought White House Down was much better than Olympus Has Fallen purely on the fact that it
    knows how retarded it is and pokes fun at itself and other movies like
    it. Olympus Has Fallen took itself wayyyy too seriously. Yeah, it had better violence/gore/brain matter but that made it even more retarded. White House
    Down was cornball as expected, but a more believable plot where Olympus Has Fallen had North Koreans. North Koreans again? Really? NK can’t afford to turn lights on, never mind erase the entire defenses of the White House…just sayin. I suggest if you’re in the mood to witness the White House
    set on fire watch White House Down as it’d be a better waste of 2 hours than Olympus Has Fallen.

  • Rural Juror

    Bargain if you consider the fact Jack and Jill cost $79 million.

  • Miss Eris

    I will say this for it. In comparison to all the other hollywood films he’s directed (White House Down, Anonymous, 2012, 10,000 BC, The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla, Independence Day, Stargate and Universal Soldier) its better than all but one. However, that’s pretty low hanging fruit.

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    Jack and Jill was an anomaly in the sense that it was a new level of fraudish thinking. White House Down, on the other hand, had a budget of 150 million dollars, and has no excuse in terms of value.

  • Roland Emmerich

    Delusional auteur

  • dswynne

    But it’s not being honest, when you purposely reduce politics to caricature. Personally, the best political themed films are nuanced, in that you are actually thinking about the issue. That’s why the Mandarin reveal pissed me off, in that, in the beginning, the character actually had good points to make about the hypocracy of ‘Americanism’ as a foreign policy tool. And I may be to the Right politically, but even I ave to stop and think about how we as Americans tend to ignore the actions of the American government for the sake of peace and prosperity. Also, if you have a film like ‘The Hunger Games’, and can get both the Left and Right claiming ownership of the film’s themes, that to me makes it a good ‘political’ film. But, I digress…

  • Thomas Manson

    Rambo movies are dumb?

    Okay, Rambo: First Blood Part II and Rambo III were dumb. That is true. I will give you that.

    But the original First Blood and the 2008 Rambo were excellent. And actually pretty smart.

  • Miss Eris

    Rambo movies are dumb. Even the only good Rambo movie, which was not even called Rambo, was dumb. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t enjoyable. It was at least far more enjoyable than all of its sequels.

  • Col.Trautman
  • Some Douche

    Hail, noble knight! Step down off of your steed and enjoy some mead with the rest of us! Let us tell tales of the fair e-maidens we have rescued!

  • Thomas Manson

    Absolute brilliance. Anybody with military experience knows that officers – especially the high-ranking ones – are hammy and out of touch with reality. What a superb performance!

  • Mister_Misinformed

    Seemed to work for “Avatar.” (Financially speaking.)

  • Mister_Misinformed

    Apparently he didn’t think so when he took the job.

  • Bob JaBopistan

    I think that the Rambo movies served a genuine purpose of giving the masses something satisfying after the failure in Vietnam. What makes Rambo 2 so alluring is that it is not just wish fulfillment, but it is sort of a revenge fantasy for an entire nation. Rambo 3 followed the same path, because the enemy was the USSR who was who we were ACTUALLY pissed at. Vietnam was a proxy war with the USSR, after all. Half of the bad guys in Rambo 2 where soviets for crying out loud. Add in just a touch of scapegoating some American higher-ups (Murdoch, I’m coming for you) and you have appeased a nation of pissed off people. And boy was it profitable.

  • Thomas Manson

    The sequels, yes. The original was a standard “war is bad, see what it does to people, look at how we treat our veterans after all the shit they went through” movie.

    But when it came out, it wasn’t quite so standard.

  • kajgod
  • Atman

    I have to agree with you. The first Rambo was a good movie, and as realistic as a movie like this can be.

    You really believed that he can do those things he did, not like in the third one. Horses against a tank. Hah!

  • Atman

    Mike, Jay, Rich and the other guys. You watched th resident evil movies one after the other. That gave me an idea.

    You should watch The Howling movie, and the sequels as well. There are 7 or 8!!! And these movies are terrible. That would be the real challenge.

  • bonch

    The traditional conception of Superman–the Reeve films–is a 1950s cultural anachronism that hasn’t been relevant for years. Man of Steel’s portrayal is accurate to the modern comic book versions of the character. This doesn’t mean you have to like Man of Steel, but many of the criticisms that cite the traditional image of Superman, such as in the Half in the Bag review, don’t acknowledge the character’s changing portrayals.

    Superman was always a power fantasy written for the needs of the era. In Action Comics #1, he was a brutish social vigilante who grew up in an orphanage. After assaulting a wife-beating husband, he kidnapped a corrupt politician and jumped with him over buildings to get a confession. In later issues, he outright killed thugs by throwing them at fatal ranges.

  • asdf

    Because Plinkett is dead and his house is destroyed.

  • thinking too hard

    I don’t get the random connection of that post with anything.

    is it just a shameless self promotion ?

    Or ; what is your point ?

  • HMM MMM

    So you didn’t get it. No surprise there.

  • Treacle

    Bring on Guardians of the Galaxy with a talking Raccoon. Let’s bring the FUN back in to blockbusters!

  • Treacle

    Nooo, I want them to watch a little known gem called ‘Son of Rambow’. It’s a few years old but I saw it last weekend and I think it would be a film after Mike and Jay’s hearts.

  • Memoman

    Magic Milwaukee Mikey, do yourself a favor, for your own good, go see Pacific Rim, stat.

    Pay it twice every time you see it. Laugh all the way to bank’s automatic teller. Enjoy some joy like a demented old lady.

  • John Smith

    K.

  • K

    The KKK was started by democrats.

  • John Bigbootay

    Yes. For once. It would be nice to see some connection to reality, even if it offends someone from the officially protected groups of people we’re not allowed to portray as villains but are frequently villains in real life.

    Are you saying you only want to see white people as bad guys? That’s interesting.

  • K

    White people don’t want to see the lone ranger cause they’re afraid of Depp’s supposed racist portrayal.

  • BLTB

    Fucking banner ads are out of control; and where`s Jessi!

  • Thomas Manson

    The last one was good too, although it did feel like Rambo was a guest character in somebody else’s story. It’s as if he was an Angel of Death who descended unto the lead characters and the villains to teach them a lesson that they may not have wanted to hear, but needed to. He was a living, breathing deus ex machina.

    Strangely enough, it worked. Stallone really doesn’t get the credit he deserves as a director or writer (much less an actor). Can you think of another actor who starred in TWO iconic movie roles – that were actually DIFFERENT characters – and also co-wrote or wrote entirely by themselves BOTH of the movies they debuted in?

    Harrison Ford? No – Han Solo and Indiana Jones were the same character, just in different settings – and he doesn’t write or direct. DeNiro? What has he written? Bruce Willis? Please. Schwarzenegger? Kirk Douglas? John Wayne? Nope, nope, and nope.

    He’s an absolute genius, but he gets shit because of a speech impediment.

  • uuuungh

    there was also an openly KKK democrat in congress very recently, keep that on the down low tho #shhhhhhh

  • Eric

    OH NO! THE BEER! 16:01 So sad…

  • Eldo

    I don’t want to see it because it looks crap.

  • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

    Space Cop origin story.

  • republicrat or/and democran

    Labeling people and labels in general just give assholes a better way of hiding themselves in plain sight.

    In other words: labels are for assholes.

  • farts all around

    How about the color of the skin has little to do with being a villain ?
    Correlation doesn’t equal causation.

    But PC crazy crowd has ruined the fun for the rest of us.

    So bring them on,the whole spectrum of human pigmentation,hell even the real white people,the albinos.

    As for reality: not in this type of movie.It’s a caricature.

  • farts all around

    I want more of that hipster chick.
    In any kind of a role.

  • farts all around

    That should be made a movie.
    Not the pretentious superhero schlock we get.

  • Nathan Seymour

    Normally I agree with most of the things you said, but Olympus Has Fallen lost all ‘realistic’ claims when they assumed that anyone could get a hold of one of our AC-130 gunships.

  • farts all around

    That movie has an awesome soundtrack.

    It’s just pure awesomeness all around.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V-KLn_PgQg

  • republicrat or/and democan
  • Baramos x

    Yeah, I guarantee many people who saw it had no idea what Maverick was originally. It was just a fun movie with some good humor so it was enjoyable just on its own merits.

  • Kyle

    I liked Stargate…

    But I fucking hated Olympus Has Fallen. Horrible offensive jingo. I don’t know if I’ll see White House Down.

    And no, you couldn’t put Leslie Nielsen in this movie because Leslie Nielsen is dead.

  • Ripsnort

    You guys need to review Upstream Color. Now.

  • Ripsnort

    Roland Emmerich, the world’s greatest con artist or delusional auteur?

    You decide…but the answer’s yes

  • John Bigbootay

    Great Idea!

  • Kyle

    Jay, I’ll help you out a bit. The problem with the Lone Ranger isn’t that the tone is too inconsistent. You got it right the first time when you said the problem with the Lone Ranger is the Lone Ranger. But I don’t mean that nobody cares about the old series. I mean the actual character himself is completely unlikable in this movie. He’s stupid and mean and self-righteous and he never learns or gets better in any way. And if you don’t like or identify with or care about the protagonist then it’s really hard to like the movie, no matter how good the rest of it is. A lot of movies have that problem, like Scott Pilgrim.

  • John Bigbootay

    After Kevin Bacon turned invisible in Hollow Man, did he cease being a white guy?

  • Baramos x

    I just use that time to surf a myriad of other websites. Like I’m seriously going to disable AdBlock because it’s doing what I want it to do? What?

    Even if I didn’t have the rest of the internet to look at, I would just sit there and enjoy 90 seconds of blissful silence where someone is not trying to sell me something. Or just do it out of spite.

    Also, do the reviews have a commercial at the middle? Because I never get that. It seems like there’s a spot there for one, so I’m not sure. In any case, it just immediately goes to the second half of the program.

  • Baramos x

    PG-13, but yeah, it doesn’t make much sense.

  • Baramos x

    I didn’t see World War Z simply because I’m tired of seeing great books purposefully turned into terrible movies.

  • Baramos x

    Saw that on Sci-Fi Channel years ago. Back when they showed good movies.

  • Baramos x

    OF COURSE!

  • Baramos x

    My only issue with it is I never understood the Maggie Gyllenhaal hate in particular. She just looks…normal? It actually made The Dark Knight realistic that she was just a normal person. Also as far as acting ability goes she was certainly better than Katie Holmes.

  • Baramos x

    My mother is in the age group that liked the Lone Ranger growing up, though she is actually more into the singing cowboys like Gene Autry (unfortunately). I asked her if she was interested in seeing this one and she was just like, “Ehhh…” I think there truly is no interest in it.

    As said by Mike, though, that’s not necessarily an issue. If a movie is good it can succeed on its own merits. This movie is not good.

  • I guess we’re all sad now

    Jesus Christ, guys. What a sad ending to this all. Though honestly, you did make an interesting point why all these villains are aliens or crazy Americans.

  • Kyle

    And just like how there was that lone nerd in the audience when I saw Man of Steel, when I saw The Lone Ranger there were a bunch of old people in the audience who just ate it right up, much like the old people you mention on Half in the Bag. They responded to every gag, shamelessly talking out loud in the movie theater. Like when Johnny Depp says kemosabe means wrong brother, the guy behind me said “I never heard that definition before.” Ugh, I hate when people feel the need to explain jokes to each other like they’re proud that they’re smart enough to get the joke themselves, or like they think they’re being funny by adding onto the joke with their knee-jerk reaction.

  • Baramos x

    My problem with it is all the over-the top action adn CGI makes it look tremendoulsy fake. They could have just had an actual Western. This movie is not really a Western, it’s an action movie set in the wild west. It seems like a movie made by someone who has heard what is normally in Westerns (trains, horses, Indians) but never actually seen one.

  • Baramos x

    Yeah, hearing the theme at the end actually did for me what they said it would (get me excited). The Lone Ranger riding down off that hill to that music is straight-up iconic. So why it couldn’t be turned into a “serious” film (not necessarily in tone, but in that it took the concept seriously) is beyond me.

  • Baramos x

    The bad CGI looks like a video game, though.

  • SantaChrist

    Democrat and Republican are just titles for particular political platforms, those platforms switched completely in the early 20th century, literally. Those who called themselves democrats when Lincoln was president and when the KKK was started would become known as republicans when the platform switch happened and vice versa. Sounds very unlikely, I know, I didn’t believe it either when I first learned it in my political science class in college (very strange how understated it is in common American history knowledge). Look up the term ‘blue dog democrat’, these are the old platform democrats that refused to switch party names, and to this day few still exist (largely in the south). Truth is really stranger than fiction from time to time.

  • Baramos x

    Griffin Bain Actually, most 13 year olds become aware of memes near the end of their lifespan–for example, I can say from experience that the day I heard 13-year-olds start referencing “Gangnam Style” was 1. months after Gangnam Style appeared on Youtube and 2. long after it had been run into the ground.

    As such I think I can safely say that memes are the arena of the adult. Good day to you, sir.

  • Baramos x

    He was joking…unfortunately, they only had to multiply real life by about ten to arrive at this plot line. We know they will start regular wars to keep money coming into the defense industry, so movies, if they want to have a “fun sci-fi dystopian” plot, have to go the whole way to “starting NUCLEAR wars to keep money coming into the defense industry.”

  • Baramos x

    It’s more fun to make fun of bad movies.

  • Baramos x

    Channing is a weird name, period. Does anyone know the etymology on that one?

  • Baramos x

    I think my main issue with Man of Steel is I actively wanted to enjoy it but I simply can’t. It’s about 2/3 of a good movie with a bunch of terrible things weighing it down. Like normally that’s the kind of movie (superhero movie) I actually buy the DVD for day one. I just find myself with no urge whatsoever to see Man of Steel again.

  • Baramos x

    There was some press junket about a month ago whose entire purpose was to make us aware that Johnny Depp MIGHT be part Cherokee. Which, I mean, who the hell isn’t some slight part Native American? I highly doubt that Native Americans view some tiny fractional Native American ancestry as entitling you to play a Native American, especially a character as stereotypical as Tonto.

    I think their response to the character of Tonto to make him MORE ridiculous was a stupid move. They should have went heavily in the opposite direction–just make him a Native American character who is normal and call him Tonto. The stupid speech mannerism doesn’t have to be inextricable from the character.

  • Baramos x

    It wasn’t as bad as the first one, which I rewatched recently and regretted spending my time watching twice now. For some reason I liked it the first time back when. Upon rewatching it is terrible and stupid, with endless plot holes.

  • farts all around

    I donno know. I could nut see.

  • Baramos x

    I personally think a Lone Ranger reboot could be a fine movie (if updated slightly for modern sensibilities). The reason I felt no urge to see this movie is it looked really bad, with over-the-top action and fake-looking CGI. Nothing has any weight–Depp just walks across a ladder and miraculously times it perfectly so he steps off it as it is destroyed. It’s silly and cartoony. Is it a cynical jab at the original? The original comes off as hokey and out-of-date, sure, but it’s a bad strategy to make us associate that with your new movie that you want us to think is “hip” and “cool”.

    They should have just made an actual Western instead of a slap-sticky action comedy like the Pirates movies. How did True Grit do box office wise? I went to see that one because it looked good. It WAS good. And I think it did well. Sure it had the Coen brothers attached which gave it a bit of an enhancement but still. It could have been a little on the light-hearted side but not with these absolutely inane action scenes. I mean over 200 million dollars were spent on this film, seemingly needlessly. Did the two CGI trains crashing and wrecking and exploding achieve anything on the same level as just hearing that theme song? I doubt it. Mike and Jay just needed to play the song to make me feel energized! You could have had an actual action scene with real people on a real set and played the song and it would have been just as exciting. Sure, maybe there wouldn’t be this huge train scene–maybe you could just have the Lone Ranger shoot the bad guy after the bad guy and his men almost kill him? I mean it’s not rocket science.

  • Yeah, uh, no

    Uh, no. Wildly incorrect.
    The Democratic party has always
    believed in maximum government power over individuals and the
    Republicans, relatively less so. And there have been some fairly crazy
    periods where a party was an odd (in retrospect) patchwork of alliances,
    but no, the general themes of the parties haven’t changed, and there
    was no magic flip where all of the racist whites suddenly became
    Republicans. By the time the Republicans came to any sustained level of
    power in the south – which by the way wasn’t until the 1990s – racism
    had died off considerably among whites. Because, as anyone paying any
    attention will see, it’s a generational thing. The old fogies who
    were/are still racist are much more likely to be the blue dogs still
    voting for Democrats. And the first seeds of modern Republican influence
    in the south came in the suburban areas that had many migrants from
    heavily Republican areas in the north (who were at that time already
    fleeing the leftward drift of the state governments up north). Still to
    this day the most racist white areas in the country are voting for
    Democrats so long as they aren’t black (West Virginia and Arkansas).

    Pro tip: avoid the pretty, comfortable lies.

  • Yeah, uh, no

    Hell, the current Democrat president went to a racist church for 20 years. At least the party is inclusive of all racists!

  • Yeah, uh, no

    Stop labeling assholes, or you’re part of the problem… you asshole!

  • Fuck these movies, have you guys seen pacific rim yet?

  • smylexx

    Even dead,he’d still make it a better film.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    What? They’ve only released ONE new video? They sure are lazy, aren’t they? AREN’T THEY?!?

    FUCK YOU RED LETTER MEDIA!!!11!!!!!one!!

  • guest

    What? They only get BS comments for class A entertainment? You sure are ungrateful, aren´t you?
    AREN´T YOU?!?

    LONG LIVE RED LETTER MEDIA!!!

  • sunpapushi

    Oh my God, that was gorgeous. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

  • SantaChrist
  • Rape jokes – I love em!

    They would have to change too much to go mainstream. Gone are the insensitive jokes and banter. Gone is the open bashing of the corporate sponsors.

    It’s not worth it. They’re the best movie reviewers out there, but they’re OUR best movie reviewers out there. They’re not for everyone.

  • proghead777

    Know sumtin’ guys? I dun tink I lyke moobies anymore. I tink ahm gon go read a bu… a beww… a… a… a BOOK! Yeah, fuck dis chit.

  • I have to agree with you there. It was pretty disappointing.

    I can see what they were trying to do (Hollywoodise the double act of Pegg & Frost) but it didn’t really work. The fact that Rogan is a one trick pony and Bateman has been playing the same bland character for years didn’t help their efforts either. I expect better from ‘The World’s End’. If only for Wright’s direction and the quality of the supporting cast (Freeman, Considine).

  • Ass

    Pacific Rimjob looks terrible but I am always open to being pleasantly surprised.

  • Tommy O.

    Oh my Gaaawwwd … is this Mike? http://youtu.be/09Y3Z-yewZo?t=3m19s

  • FlawFilial

    Mike always said he wanted to be killed by an Adam Sandler film– I want him to keep making reviews forever, but it would be wrong of me to deprive this noble warrior of the honorable death he desires.

  • No…

  • kenchun24

    Good movie.

  • ermergerd

    OMG! It totally is Mike for sure! I didnt even knows he has a kid! and OMG the kids mother is way waaay hotter than jay.

  • Marvin Falz

    I don’t see they’re hating her.

    First Mike suggests to talk about performances. Jay replies reluctantly “Okay .. Channing Tatum’s in it.” Then you see Channing Tatum announcing the release date of the movie. Then Mike concludes “Alright, we’re done talking about performances. Let’s move on.” And then they discuss that she looks older than she is, they describe the parts of her face that let her look older and Mike also blames the bad lighting.

    I think what this means is that there is nothing to say about the performance of any of them and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s looks are the most interesting, the most memorable when you watch the movie and know her from other movies.

    That ain’t hatred, that shows how boring the characters are played. Maybe, I won’t see the movie anyway.

  • chickenlover1890

    Books are well good. Spread the word.

  • notjeremyjahns,honest.

    Jeremy Jahns for the win!

  • Bugwitch

    Meanwhile Grown Ups 2 was number one at the box office. I hurt a little inside.

  • here’s moarr
  • TonyMonterey

    Comcast is really trying to create a meme with all their media outlets and the sheeple who like phoney meme’s.

  • wolfle

    Phoney memes such as using the word sheeple to pat your self on the back.

  • TonyMonterey

    I think it’s more you know who is going to be the villain right away, sort of like “Law and Order’. If there is a Wealthy,White, Religious person somewhere in the cast of suspects they are “the guy”. That’s why, like the American Public education system, liberals have destroyed Hollywood. Flop after flop after flop. Last in the developed world in math, last in reading, last in Science.

    Google and Microsoft have to bring in foreign workers to do engineering and high tech jobs because US College students can’t do the work in the real world. Hollywood has to bring in Brit’s to do all the good acting jobs and shoot in Canada and Romania because lefties are only making movies for themselves and that no one else wants to see. Hemorrhaging cash and don’t want to “pay their fair share in US taxes”. Yet will lecture us about how we need to pay more.

    But watch old “Have Gun Will Travel” episodes from the 50’s on Encore and they did the same thing, the bad guy is always the White, Wealthy guy. So how much have things really changed?

    Leftists can and will mock all day long but act all butt hurt the second anyone dares to mock them.

  • TonyMonterey

    I am.

  • Guest

    Jessi isn’t in Half in the Bag, she’s in Best of the Worst.

  • mr know it all

    Someone was drunk. Period.

  • Jeff Goldblum

    Just watched “Before Midnight” – a bunch of pretentious fuck-holes talking shit for 1 hour 50. Seriously, NOBODY has conversations like that aside from highfalutin douche-bags in movies. If I had to have conversations like that with my circle of friends I’d fucking kill myself!

  • Arthur Fonzarelli

    Fuck you! Adam Sandler is a freaking cinematic genius!

  • Clint Eastwood

    Fucking injuns scalped my ancestors at the battle of Little-big-Horn you asshole….I dont wanna see nobody playing no freaking injuns dont care if its sitting bull, chief dan george, johnny depp or my hairy fucking ballsack injuns was mudering mutherfuckers and shouldnt be shown in no moving pictures at no picture house. Injuns is even worse than negros and slitty eye chinkies and if i see one anywhere near my motherfucking trailer im gonna blow their whisky drinking assholes good for nothing head right off their good for nothing shoulders with this here elephant gun.

  • Jennifer Aniston

    I like the bit where Ethan Hawke sucks that blonde bitch’s tits. It was the only time they both shut the fuck up in 2 hours. Just as well Linklater didn’t cast Angelina Jolie instead of Delpy back in 94 – that scene would have totally been fucked!

  • Joseph Frank

    Like I said, he CAN be angsty/brutal, sure, Superman can be whatever the writer wants him to be, like any character that everyone has access to.

    That said, when most people think of Superman, they think of those outdated television shows, Christopher Reeve movies and the two or three old comics they bothered to read once. The average Joe that doesn’t read comics (95% of the audience) expects and likely wants that ‘classic’ Superman.

    If they wanted an angsty/brutal superhero, they’d turn to Batman, The Crow, Spawn, The Punisher, Wolverine, Watchmen, The Hulk, etc.

    Studios like money, so I don’t understand why they don’t go for a version of Superman that would probably put more asses in seats, a version with all of the action but little of the angst and way more humor. That’s all I’m saying.

  • AlcaldeEste

    They didn’t say Olympus Has Fallen was realistic. They said it was dumb – 80’s action movie dumb. However, it was “more realistic than a Roland Emmerich-film.” And if you’ve ever seen any Roland Emmerich-films, you will have a whole new perspective on how stupid movies can be.

  • Guestalt

    It really was good. A well rounded action film – enough character development and stuff FOR an action film.

    The actual fights were supercool. I credit that to the fact that Del Torro clearly has a talent for softening the stupid demands that are made on a hollywood blockbuster – he finds ways to add little details and things to make them INTERESTING instead of schlocky and formulaic. I was very satisfied. Might watch it again this week.

    It was about 2 hours. Now, if we wanted to go the Pan’s Labyrinth With Gundams route or something, that would definitely be an intriguing idea and I would slap my money down on the counter for it, sure. I could see either cutting out some robot fighting or lengthening the movie. You COULD build a stirring epic around fighting robots – the way some japanese shows have – and I would love to see that, but for what it is… awesome. There were times when I was overjoyed to be watching what I was watching.

    And unlike the undulating super CGI crap that happens in transformers where my eyes don’t even know WTF they are looking at, I could actually watch the action scenes without feeling like I was being subjected to some sort of visual torture technique.

    Oh and when I was in the bathroom afterwards, I just about lost control of my bodily functions when I could swear I heard the old Robotech theme coming from the lobby. By the time I got out there it was gone. Maybe it was just my subconscious saying hey we have the technology now. And yes for the pedants, what I really want is a live action Macross movie, not Robotech.

  • Guestalt

    Saw it yesterday and it was @%&ing fun.

    The problem isn’t the movie itself, which is great, it’s that people might be embarrassed to admit they enjoyed something as geeky as a giant-robots-fighting-giant-monsters movie. People who have already gone to see a whole bunch of movies featuring geeky comic book characters, geeky transformers, stuff like that. They just don’t get that they’re already geeks.

    It’ll be really sad if the movie bombs, because if it does, it will bomb because of that. They did a good job on it.

  • Guestalt

    I’m REALLY hoping the next 2 HitB movies they review/compare are World War Z and Pacific Rim.

  • Arthur Fonzarelli

    Adam Sandler is a fucking comedic genius!…….heyyyyyyy

  • Adrian

    How did a master piece like Cloud Atlas not get a review?

  • Quentin Tarantino

    Just watched “Before Midnight” – what a work of fiction that is! Ethan Hawke couldn’t hack living with Uma fucking Thurman so hoiw are we supposed to believe he’s willing to stick it out with that fat, saggy-titted whining French bitch ffs???!!!

  • Tom Hanks

    Er…cos most people think it’s a confused steaming dog-turd!?

  • catnep

    I was hoping it was a stage name and then I thought “but who would actually CHOOSE that?” At least he has his wealth.

  • Rob Rose

    Its been three days… WHERE THE HELL IS MY BEST OF THE WORST.

  • wolfle
  • grow up

    You really believe what you are saying?
    How old are you ?

  • pa kent is a faggot

    Welcome to the community and you have my sincere condolences.

    Soon you will be making stupid ass comments and posting feeble attempts at trying to be funny like the rest of us assholes.

    Unless you decide to not read the comments.
    The comments here will give you brain damage.
    As evident in my comment.

  • Some Guy

    The biggest problem with The Lone Ranger is that the story and character doesn’t mesh well with this stupid studio way of thinking that “everything has to be big and epic or else people won’t care!” How about scaling the movie down to a simple story about The Lone Ranger and Tonto going after the bad guy in a town he runs with an iron fist? You don’t need this bullshit about industrialists wanting to build a railroad and starting a war to do it (because
    they’re all just greedy fucks that are willing to massacre people to
    make money, right?); just show Butch Cavendish being an asshole a few times to innocent people and we got it. There can still be elements of the supernatural with Butch being possessed by the Wendigo so you can have Tonto fight the evil spirit and the Lone Ranger fight the outlaw. You can still have explosions and a train fight sequence (they have to take the train to get to the town and it’s full of bad guys). Why make the Lone Ranger into an incompetent pussy? Why make Tonto the lead character? Why tell the story in a flashback? Why did I watch this movie? Who’s been fucking with my medicine?

  • Memoman

    I thought it was fantastic. I was overjoyed by the craftsmanship and passion poured into the subject. I really have no problems at all with this movie. The awesome score was even enriched by Tom Morello’s guitar. It was such a fantastic show.

    And apparently no one’s seeing it. Everybody’s going into the theaters playing Grown Ups 2 or, ironically, Despicable Me 2. I don’t get it.

    Pacific Rim is fun, heroic, smart, accesible and well built. It is executed masterfully by Guillermo Del Toro. Every frame in the movie can be printed as hanged in a wall. Yet we have dumbdumbs that are bothered by storytelling, and dumberdumbs that pick out flaws or call “plot holes” things about the movie they don’t particularly like and start calling it “the worst thing ever”. People who know nothing about movies, much less making movies, are here experts mocking the product of much more talented and smart people. Participating in the hyperbolic shouting game that is the internet, coarsely fighting for virtual points that matter not.

    I’m baffled by this new wave of thick skulls that try to be movie critics, and think that hating and not liking movies is what being intelligent is. And of course, they have to be loud about it.

    Is fun actually forbidden from a movie theater now? Unless it comes in the form of a fart or face-first fall to the ground, of course.

    I was joyous coming out of the theater. Seeing the awe this movie inspired reminded me of the people running away from the theater when they thought the locomotive was going to pop out of the screen and into the room.

    But then reading “reviews”, opinions by Internet movie-critic-wannabes, I feel bad about being a human. Then again looking for hope in the comments section in the Internet is kind of a masochistic exercise in self delusion.

  • Glyph

    What, they’re finally done with the dumb “vcr repairmen” storyline, and focus solely on talking about the movie? I dare not believe it.

  • Mister_Misinformed

    They don’t review masterpieces.

    (Not that I think Cloud Atlas is one; haven’t seen it.)

  • David Ben

    oh, wait, wait, wait, what about back in ’89, when Cameron all but
    sued Filmauro for Leviathan, and Carolco Pictures for Deepstar Six for
    poaching his Abyss script (about aliens from under the sea…don’t tell
    Del Toro’s Pacific Rim)

  • Mister_Misinformed

    Kyle, I’ll help you out a bit. Nobody cares about this post either.

  • pleb

    Is anyone else getting just a dead black box when they click on this video? (Android)

  • Strelnikov

    I agree, it looks like a video game cutscene….but then this movie was made by a guy who built a trilogy of films out of a theme park ride.

  • anamanaman

    Nothing too original about Pacific Rim, it’s just a fun, well made action movie aimed at teenage boys. I liked it about as much as Real Steel (not that much), but can recognize them as well made films that achieve their goals.

  • cobrazombie

    I agree with you, but the tone of the movie is also a problem.

  • cobrazombie

    Those two movies represent just about everything that’s horribly wrong with Hollywood “blockbusters” these days.

  • cobrazombie

    “I must have missed 60 Minutes.”

  • cobrazombie

    My favorite grimdark Superman is the one who sits at a bar throwing back Johnny Walker Red Label while super-flicking beer nuts through bottles (Superman III: Live on the Sunset Strip, 1983).

  • Miss Eris

    Yous don even need ta read dem anymores. You can get dem audiobooks and dey read to yous.

  • Miss Eris

    You, sir, are hilarious.

  • cobrazombie

    Walter Hill’s The Long Riders.

  • cobrazombie

    Wrong. And no they didn’t.

  • AlanSmithee

    I dunno why Mike is so butthurt about rich crazy white guys being the villains in all these movies. They’ve insane rich white guys have literally been the bad guys for a few centuries now, and it’s only over the past 30 years or so that anyone would dare to depict such a thing on screen. Ha ha.

  • Geahk Burchill

    I agree. Insane white guys have spent a lot of time actually wrecking the country lately yet they don’t show up in cinema as villains very often.

  • Geahk Burchill

    I want to see them review Pacific Rim. I haven’t seen it yet myself but it seems to me it’s a much more original idea than everything Hollywood has been cranking out lately (Yes, I watch anime and know there’s nothing actually original about it)
    I want to see a movie like Pacific Rim be successful, if only to get Hollywood off its timidity and start trying different things.

  • Nairda

    A great movie (watched it twice), but not a masterpiece. Would like to hear these hacks’ opinion on it though.

  • Geahk Burchill

    I think they are in the process of moving. The house they were using as Plinkett’s is up for sale or sold and they destroyed the Plinkett set. I assume they are in transition and it would have been too much in one week to get a new set and storyline in place. Give ’em time.

  • Tinkle Twinkle

    Oh yeah, Roland Emerich bashing eh because he’s an easy target. Well let me tell me you that Roland Emerich films are just the tonic that me and my beer guzzling, sports loving buddies want to see. We can’t all be highly cultured la de da cockadoodle ivory tower dwelling sophisticates!

  • Kyle

    Well Transformers and Battleship came out lately. But even if they didn’t, I don’t see what’s original about Pacific Rim. Do either giant monsters or giant robots seem original to you, or is it the part about them fighting each other that seems original? Or is it the part about them coming out of some inter-dimensional portal? Something tells me science fiction ideas aren’t going to be a focus of the movie. So I don’t see how Pacific Rim qualifies as original. I’m not sure I see how it even qualifies as an idea. And I really don’t understand why every nerd out there is so excited about this movie coming out.

  • Tinkle Twinkle

    Well, YOU might not be, but my drinking, football watching buddies and I can not wait! WE CAN NOT WAIT, ALRIGHT?!

  • garble barble

    Just because something is not apparent does not mean it is genius.It could just be that it is an incomprehensible mess understandable only to the creator of it or to a schizophrenic .

    Like this here comment.

    Also did not click the link in question,just butting in ,because your comment was deliciously pretentious.

  • ah what do I know

    Oh boo hoo.Poor white people getting downtrodden by the protected groups.

    I also happen to be caucasian but I don’t give a crap about it.It’s just pigmentation.If you base your identity on the colour of your skin than too bad.You are missing out on the real stuff in life.

    But it does bother me that politically correct assholes are ruining the fun for the adults.

  • youmustbeinyourearly20atbest

    If you are lucky some day you will realize that we are all just dust.
    That whole “A list” vs “B list” is meaningless and belongs to the general category of human folly.

    Of course most people never truly grow up.That’s why we have assholes believing them selves to be above “sheeple”.

  • Kyle

    I suppose you say drinking and football loving because you think that’s inconsistent with the nerd label. Well I may have misspoke when I said nerd. I just meant I don’t understand why so many people are excited when it looks like just another action blockbuster. It seems like more people have been commenting about wanting to see Pacific Rim than any other movie that’s come out. Compare Pacific Rim to something like Pan’s Labyrinth and then tell me Pacific Rim represents Hollywood “trying different things.” Del Toro used to be a visionary artist, but now he’s just making run-of-the-mill cash cows.

  • Hannibal_32

    Wow. What a retort. Zing!!

  • Ass

    This seems a little obtuse. The majority is the bad guy in each specific part of the world. In the Western world, whitey is keeping you down. In Cambodia, Pol Pot is going to fucking kill you. In Africa, Idi Amin wants to deprive you of your human rights.

    Why say one group has been mostly responsible for nasty shit for centuries? What about foot binding and FGM, did whitey do that? We are fucked as a species, and whitey was just jumping on the asshole bandwagon.

  • Geahk Burchill

    I have a lot of hope for Pacific Rim because it’s something different than the crap Hollywood has been forcefeeding us lately. It’s a bit of a surrealist director with some real chops and care for what he produces.

    There are folks who say it looks terrible (named Ass, BTW) but they have never been children and have no souls today. In fact, probably also lack the ability to wonder or care or even smile. People named Ass are sad.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Jay didn’t seem to mind tonal shift when they saw Robot (Bollywood film) but that may have just been the context of seeing a foreign film at a festival. Accepting tonal shifts in the context of an American Mainstream Disney film is a little harder.

  • Meester Smeeth

    I feel the same way about Peter Jackson.

  • Andrew

    The Lone Ranger Theme? Don’t you mean the William Tell Overture, from the opera by Rossini about a dude who shot his son for balancing an apple on his head?

  • Andrew

    The Lone Ranger Theme? Don’t you mean the William Tell Overture, from the opera by Rossini about a dude who shot his son for balancing an apple on his head?

  • Robut Fan

    Where’s Pacific Rim you hacks? Stop profiting off of the death of an industry and do your job… oh…

  • Robut Fan

    I’ve seen it and it actually does some very original things with a idea that’s been around for awhile. It’s made to be a “poem to giant monster movies.”

  • wikiality

    I think it’s that between a good couple thousand years of Roman style Imperialism perpetuated by whitey against other whiteys until they have all the whiteys so they built ships to go enslave the black and brown people, release the black and brown people after rebellions, wars, and feeling like dicks to bad neighborhoods or decimated countries and then pretending for the next 200 years that we’ve solved everything go back to being whitey; and having weird tiny feet in a sexist degradation to become a marriage object, I’ll take the weird tiny feet.

    And I’m pretty sure this applies to all the places with a whitey presence. One dude killing a bunch of people doesn’t seem so bad/take yer chances compared to a majority killing a few people for the lulz and profit.

    But mostly I think Mike gets upset because he’s a white heterosexual male. They’re supposed to be the good guys in these Hollywood-Picture-Screen-Youtubes. He gets a blonde girl with a nice rack and they say cliched lines while the villain is a tall dark (racist! lols doesntalwaysmeanblack BUT YOU WERE THINKING IT) intelligent and less emotional man or woman. They’re usually gay. I’m sure theres books and books about why theres so much unintentional (?) homosexual innurendo in nearly every villain ever but there is.

  • Ass

    Historically, whitey has spent the most time being the bad guy in interracial conflicts, but I just fail to see what is so special about an interracial conflict that separates it from the mass murder of compatriots. I think that it is just as bad for the USSR to starve millions of Ukrainians as it is for the Americans to kill off entire native tribes. Is white on white violence not as bad as white on red violence? I think that some could say genocide is always worse, but is it really? Isn’t Holodomor despicable whether or not it constituted genocide? I think the distinction is often superficial.

    As for Mike, I can only speculate about his real motives. It would appear that he was just saying that Hollywood is being really conspicuous with their old white mustache twirlers.

  • Bsa

    I dunt read enemor. I got to da end and dey took boxer to make glue. fuck jorge orwell he kelled da pony

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    I just think that he is just sick of it being a staple of film in general. It seems that way.

  • Franklin Floratos

    * My beer-guzzling, sports-loving buddies and I*. I would beseech you get your grammar right.

  • Franklin Floratos

    Grammar, anyone? Who’s been f**king with MY medicine?

  • Franklin Floratos

    What’s your point?

  • Franklin Floratos

    I agree. Mike and Jay have an evident and extensive knowledge of film and what it means, and how said meaning can be conveyed. On BotW they are extraordinarily entertaining, and I have not stopped impersonating Plinkett since watching the Phantom Menace review. But, on a different note, I watched Star Trek Into Darkness, and was completely enamoured by it, even in judging it by the criteria that they themselves set. I am therefore baffled and a little disillusioned that they hated it so much. It was certainly better than the Lone Ranger.

    Bring on Best of the Worst Part 8!

  • Vindictus

    Pacific Rim is very much a Del Toro movie. You should go and watch it.

  • Vindictus

    It’s original because it’s not a reboot, remake, sequel and it isn’t based on a book. Drawing inspiration from other genres does not make it unoriginal (otherwise everything would be unoriginal).

    I was looking forward to PR because the trailers looked good, you had big mechs punching big monsters and they actually looked big. After seeing it, it’s apparent that the movie has a crew that gives a shit about what they were doing (unlike Transformers or Battleship). It isn’t a masterpiece and doesn’t deserve similar hyperbole, but it is a good movie and I certainly found it refreshing.

  • Franklin Floratos

    That should be more in the line of Best of the Worst, don’t you agree?

  • Franklin Floratos

    Put that movie in BotW!

  • Black Jesus

    Shut up, nerd.

  • solidsamurai

    Who cares, dude? Action blockbusters are a genre, so there’s always going to be movies coming out in that category.

  • catnep

    I read this as Darth Vader speaking for some reason.

  • catnep

    I double dare you not. They’ll be back!

  • catnep

    Da Internetz.

  • bb-15

    I keep watching this episode to see Mike and Jay expose the Hollywood blockbuster machine as a sewer of schlock.

  • Guest

    All secessionist traitors are Republicans.

  • kenchun24

    Well all non-sequel,re-boot,remake points aside, the genre that del Toro is paying homage too is about 60 years deep. From his time (Tetsujin 28,Johnny Sokko,Ultraman,Godzilla,Kaiju films) to folks born in the 70s/early 80s (Go Nagai Super Robo,Shogun Warriors,Gundam,Robotech,Gunbuster) to recent stuff like Evangelion. So there is a culture of sci-fi/fantasy folk who love the Giant Mecha & Kaiju IP’s.

    I understand why folk keep mixing them up. The U.S. Transformers which origins are from Japan anyway via Takara’s:Microman/Diaclone,and Super Sentai shows from the 70s which later became U.S. versions known as Power Rangers.
    Transformers are sentient robots. Pacific Rim is Real Robot Mecha ala Gundam. Michael Bay and Bandai’s Americanized Super Sentai show (Power Rangers) have really done a number with the folks who only have a western sensibility and mix up what has been done before (Bayformers,Power Rangers) with what Guillermo has brought to the screen with Pacific Rim. Even in this age of the internet with steady flow of info available at the click of a mouse.

    If you think Bayformers (or Battleship for that matter,didn’t see that one) is anywhere close to a comparison of del Toro’s Pacific Rim you are off (not attacking you just my opinion).

    Most folk if they are not familiar,then go straight to generalizations
    and blanket statements like “ANOTHER another giant robot movie”,um…no. This is the first GIANT robot vs. GIANT monster movie on this budget & scale ever. Pacific Rim’s Jaegers are dual piloted/neurally connected GIANTS. I guess folks really are slaves to marketing and find no reason to check out a little more info once they have made up their mind.

    Piranha 3-DoubleD has fish attacking people in it. So does Jaws (a
    big one). One is cheap crap the other is a really good movie. You could say the same applies to Transformers and Pacific Rim because their are robots in both films. But that doesn’t work either because one has living “sentient” robots fighting each other,while the other has giant Mech’s piloted by humans (two to be exact – neurally connected) that battle giant Kaiju beasties from another world.

    Oh and one is a just trashy,cynical,crass “brand awareness” cash grabs that RLM brings up often,while the other is a beautiful looking film with heart that also happens to be a fun times at the movies.

    I saw it twice and not only me,but the audiences I saw it with had a blast. Of course it speaks volumes that Grown Ups 2 beat it in the U.S. where the majority are braindead lemmings. Flocking to sequels and “brand entertainment” like zombies. Anything that forces their minds to be challenged with something different freaks them out. Pacific Rim should have put “2” on the title and it might have come in second place…might. I can understand animated family flicks like Despicable Me doing well,but the shit that Sandler spits out every goddamn summer that people support in droves? Just…no words man.

  • S G

    Agreed. That however doesn’t mean Pacific Rim has to be a bad film. Haven’t seen it yet, but the word of mouth so far is surprisingly good.

    Personally, I’d much prefer a different type of robot-movie – and it beats me why it hasn’t been done yet:

    Give us a Battletech-film. That universe is well established, and the name/brand should be fairly recognizable, even to non-nerds. At least as names go, it’d be a lot better than the totally generic “Pacific Rim”, which makes me think of crappy cars or porn-movies starring anally-fixated chinamen.

    Battletech also has tons of great possibilities re story-lines/settings and you wouldn’t even have to come up with some sort of generic alien-threat to give the robots/mechs something to fight. Plus you’d even have ready-made sequels. Just do the “Gray Death”-trilogy.. or the Jade Phoenix one… the possiblities would be endless.

  • kenchun24

    I dig Fasa’s Battletech universe as well. Fond memories of me and my neighborhood buds taking over family rooms/or dining room dinner tables of each others house on the weekends with that that game.

  • Tinkle Twinkle

    OOOOO LA DE DA get mr fancy grammer there with his fancy art house films!

  • Tinkle Twinkle

    And here he is AGAIN! Policing for grammar!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I AM ungrateful. These fuckers need to meet my needs. My needy needs. They’re MORE than wants… THESE VIDEOS KEEP ME FUCKING ALIIIIIIVE!!!!ELEVEN!!!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Are you saying that YOU are an android? WHAT YEAR IS IT?!

  • John Bigbootay

    I guess I wouldn’t give a crap about it too if the pattern weren’t so blatant. It’s just distracting.

    “Hey look, there are no Muslim terrorists in movies. Boy, I wish I could live in that world.” “Now, now, let’s not notice race, or anything. We’re too good for that.”

    Give me a break.

  • SomethingHeavy

    Hate to break it to you man, but Battletech isn’t fairly recognizable at all, not to non-nerds or even semi-nerds.

  • Now I Get It

    “it’s complicated.”

    Real complicated. Going back a ways, conservatives used to be not actual environmentalists but conservationists. (Cf. “Vanya on 42nd Street”)

    Your avatar, by the way, is gorgeously ethereal, a phrase I’ll likely never use again to describe anything, ever.

  • bonch

    But that’s the thing–Man of Steel did put asses in seats. It made more money in its first week than the entire run of Superman Returns. So I have to respectfully dispute the notion that modern moviegoers want 1958 “Where did Clark go?” Superman.

  • Now I Get It

    Wait! Is “sheeple” a meme or one of the things from “Is that a thing?” Is a meme still a thing?

    It’s just possible I’m confused.

  • bean

    You guys should do Pacific Rim. It wasn’t groundbreaking or anything but I thought it was a solid summer movie. It was very well made and i actually gave a crap about some of the characters. Overall I really enjoyed it and It wasn’t like transformers where things just explode for hours. The action was well done, coherent, and pretty awesome.

    And I’m pissed off that Grown Ups 2 is taking in twice as many viewers. Are people really that stupid? Hollywood obviously knows what its doing when they only sell things with recognizable names. Its the people that are stupid. And for that reason alone everyone needs to see Pacific Rim. Its a decent movie that was obviously made with some real passion and not just a cash grab.

  • Somebody

    I’d actually like to hear Mike’s take on The 400 Blows. I really like the French New Wave and I love hearing other people’s opinions on the movies of that period.

  • bean

    One reason. It was actually fun to watch. Go see it. Its decent.

  • derp

    ..erm..Muslim is not a race…

  • Geahk Burchill

    Kyle, if this movie we made for the Japanese or Chinese market I would agree with you. There’s nothing particularly original about a ‘giant robots VS monsters’ movie except that this one is far bigger budget and looks far better.

    Pacific Rim is completely original for the American and UK markets though. There have only been three American films that are even loosely relatable. 1998’s Godzilla (A bad port of a Kaiju movie) Cloverfield (A relatively decent Kaiju movie) and Robot Jox which has the only commonality of having giant robots in it.

    What I have been hearing lately from non-nerd movie-goers is: “Pacific Rim is just a remake of Robot Jox” The fact that people say that kind of proves my point because it means Americans are not at all familiar with this genre. Robot Jox and Pacific Rim have nearly NOTHING in common but this idea has been done so infrequently in the US that that’s all anyone has to compare it with. It’s like saying Forrest Gump is a remake of What’s Eating Gilbert Grape simply because they both have developmentally delayed adults in them.

    Nearly every aspect of Pacific Rim has been borrowed form somewhere but almost none of those concepts are familiar to American audiences. And showing them with this level of budget and special effects has never been done anywhere in the world. Period.

    Now, I ordinarily don’t give a crap about special effects (Though I was a fan back in the practical days or models and puppetry) However, this is the kind of story that you want great special effects to tell it with. All the Kaiju films that have come before have all tried, above all else, to convey the scale and all have previously been less-than-convincing because of a fundamental lack of resources.

    In this sense it is very original to see these concepts portrayed on screen with this level of resources at their disposal. That’s why I’m excited about it.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Sorry S G, I agree with Something Heavy here. Though I would like to see a BattleTech movie I doubt my Aunt or Brother-In-law would have ever heard of it.

    That said, their making Ender’s Game and that’s WAY more obscure than BattleTech.

  • Charon

    I just re-watched Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal last night. I forgot how awesome the special effects were, and how well-written that movie is.

    Does anyone else remember when movies had thought and effort put into them?

  • Charon

    What is it with Ricks?

  • Charon

    “What do they taste like?”
    *Long Beat*
    “MURICA”

  • Guest

    Sorry, its not my job to correct everyone who’s wrong on the internet.

  • Charon

    Thank you for posting this.

  • Charon

    Seth Rogen is a hipper-than-thou, post-modernist anti-comedic hack job.

    This is exactly why Paul was terrible.

  • Nouseforaname

    You guys are great, doing a great job etc. but why isn’t that Wendigo movie being reviewed in a new “Best of the Worst”?

  • Charon

    You forget – this definition is only applicable to the former etymological dichotomy it presented. This dichotomy no longer exists.

  • bwhitz

    No, this is just the BS progressive “social-change” narrative. There’s really no concrete evidence of it… when actually, there is allot of genetic research and study that shows Whites and Asians being the most cognitively evolved humans… disproving it even further. The reason that “blacks and browns” were never in a position to imperialise whites (or others), was because of different evolutionary paths. “Whitey keeping you down” is just used to perpetuate the vitim-hood mentality and used as a scapegoat. To subscribe to the narrative that all humans, everywhere, evolved 100% equal brains… and therefore should all be economically/socially equal or there is “injustice”… is insane. This is anti-evolution, and anti-science. People who preach this, are the new religious zealots of this century.

  • bwhitz

    Not really. The welfare-class, and people living beyond their means (backed by government), have actually done most of the damage. And while I’m certainly not defending the corrupt-banker assholes that exist, their destruction has really only been in response to the growing welfare-state and government regulations.

  • SantaChrist

    That’s an incredible compliment as it is also a permanent part of my body; tattooed on my upper arm (in grayscale), the only one I’ll likely ever get. For my grandfather and our lineage that escaped Stalin. Makes me ponder, the USofA, left or right, has always been respectively miles ahead of other flowering “idealist” powerhouse governments because of our brilliantly logical constitution. Even though anti-slavery couldn’t be included at first, it seemed very much foreshadowed. Glad we could talk some American history, it’s a refreshing distraction from the current state of affairs. A serious clusterfuck, I do NOT envy future historians…actually maybe I do.xP

  • SantaChrist

    You chose the wroooooong webzone to pull the whole blue collar underdog bit; “you know what…I like me. I like me”

  • Meester Smeeth

    Is Paul really that bad? Seth Rogen is a bit boring as fuck but I’ve always enjoyed it, really. It’s nowhere near as thoughtful or as good as Shaun or Fuzz, obviously, but for what it is, a fun road movie, it’s not bad at all, really, is it? Or is it? I need to know what to think!

  • Wombat

    lol, you’re kidding me. Ender’s Game is obscure? The book is considered one of the best science fictions of all time, up there with Dune–and don’t tell me Dune is obscure, either.

  • Geahk Burchill

    I REALLY hate to tell you this but you clearly aren’t talking to mainstream moviegoers. Dune AND Ender’s Game are very obscure simply because they ARE classic sci-fi. The average American barely knows Star Trek and they get it confused with Star Wars regularly.

    If you are deep into sci-fi, then you have a bit of a skewed perspective on what the mainstream will recognize. You gotta step out of the comic shop and see that most people are focused on putting balls into hoops or kicking them past goal-posts. Other than that, American audiences are pretty illiterate.

    That’s my other point. We’re talking about BOOKS here. That requires reading. Have you read the stats on how many Americans read books recently? If it’s not Harry Potter or Stephenie Meyers, American’s haven’t read it for the most part.

  • Jason Ross

    gottagogottagogottago!

  • Charon

    Lol. I was just bored by it. The previous films Simon Pegg and Nick Frost had done were so witty and fun that Paul just felt like a pandering, Americanized version of the contemporary “British Buddy Comedy” they so excellently popularized.

  • Kyle

    I’m pretty sure every seventh grader reads Ender’s Game.

    At least, at my school they did.

  • Kyle

    By concepts you mean giant robots fighting giant monsters? I still don’t understand why this is new or exciting. Because Transformers was instead about giant robot monsters fighting other giant robot monsters it’s not even loosely relatable? It seems to me that the tweaks to the concepts are insignificant and yet people come out and say it’s never been done before. It’s like if people said Hangover Part 2 had never been done before because this time it’s in Tibet or wherever. If next we see giant walruses fighting giant crabs will you say that’s so amazing because it’s never been done before? If a movie like Pacific Rim gets made with an even bigger budget will you say that’s never been done before because now it has an even bigger budget? We’ve seen giant robots and we’ve seen giant monsters and we’ve seen giant budgets but when you put them all together it’s somehow new and unique?

    I’m guessing your excitement comes from nostalgia because robots fighting monsters is for kids. Power Rangers and Evangelion and whatnot. I don’t see what makes it such an amazing special novel idea for a movie, a story that needs to be told, or a story at all for that matter.

  • Kyle

    Lots of movies are fun to watch. That still doesn’t explain Pacific Rim fever.

  • Kyle

    I’m confused. You make multiple mentions of info being easily available. What exactly are people supposed to look up and why? If Pacific Rim has some special selling point that isn’t in the trailer then, well, why isn’t it in the trailer?

  • Kyle

    I promised my brother I’d wait to see it with him. Maybe the movie is some spectacular work of art, but my confusion with Pacific Rim fever is that the trailer looks dumb to me. Big mechs punching big monsters and… not much else. Well there’s the segment they’re selling the most which is the Glados voice initializing the robots and turning the movie into a video game and making me sick to my stomach every time. Maybe that’s what Pacific Rim fever is all about. People hear the Glados voice and it triggers a conditioned response that makes them think they love Portal and therefore they love this movie.

  • Kyle

    Um, yeah. So why isn’t there this level of excitement surrounding all the other ones?

  • Geahk Burchill

    He [OSC] tried at least thirteen times to make Ender’s Game according to the forward in one of his reprinted editions of the Ender saga. I forget which one. Probably Xenocide.

    At any rate, you may have read it in seventh grade, I may have read it in fifth or sixth grade but I lived in California, in the Bay Area. Not flyover North Dakota or Sisterfuck Tennessee. I don’t know where you lived but a huge swath of the country doesn’t read–especially today. I’m also guessing you are in your late twenties to mid thirties. Our generation read books more than the current ones (“git offa mah lauwn!”) But movies are marketed to 14-25 or near to it. Hollywood financiers, generally, doesn’t care what older moviegoers want.

    (An aside, a lot of Hollywood is actually our age and were nerds and are making lots of superhero movies but they had to go through a long process to sell the idea on the financiers. It was a 25-year process to get where we are today and sort of an anomaly)

    Hollywood doesn’t want original ideas, Hollywood wants RECOGNIZABLE ideas and those ideas have to be recognizable to the dumbest, most bovine of moviegoers because they have to make their money in the first weekend or the film’s a bust. That means that BattleTech and Ender’s Game are huge risks.

    This is why Pacific Rim stands out and, unfortunately, proves my point at the box office. It’s not a story most American’s have seen before. Only Anime buffs who saw Akira at ten and Evengelion at fifteen have seen something like it. And, NO, it’s not much like Transformers. Transformers had far more name recognition and plenty of product tie-ins. Pacific Rim was not a movie that Hollywood financiers were likely to take a risk on BUT THEY DID and I want to support that. I want to support risk taking. It’s not even THIS move specifically as much as I want to support Hollywood making things more outside the mainstream.

    Unfortunately poor box office will only keep originality out of theaters for another few years. It’s a risk that didn’t pay off and that will shy the moneytrain.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Frankly I’m not sure how much cross-over the GladOs voice and Portal have with a Kaiju fanbase. Very different generations. Many people looking forward to Pacific Rim played Pacman and Donkey Kong. A fair number wouldn’t know what to do with a PS3 controller.

    I’ll agree with you that is nostalgia driven, the fever over Pacific Rim but it is also an original story. It’s not GI-Joe or Transformers. It’s ideas we have come to love or grew up with but also a new cast of characters and new robots, monsters and settings. Most of all, new special effects. It’s all the things classic Kaiju films couldn’t do but with all the elements from those classics we know and love.

    Maybe this is a better explanation. Nothing in the Matrix was a new idea. We’d all seen a thousand John Woo films or Shaw Bros Kung Fu flicks and we’d read Neuromancer but Matrix combined a lot of ideas we already loved into something new and gave it great special effects.

    But, unless you truly LOVED Neon Genesis or GunBuster or Godzilla, you will probably never understand why Pacific Rim has people excited. That and your soul is dead.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Take yer weirdo Randian Objectivism to some other webzone. You get no pizzroll.

  • diehounderdoggen

    Don’t forget the part where she’ll lose all her friends after suggesting they watch Pork Pork in Space.

  • Geahk Burchill

    I’m a puppeteer and I’ve worked with Toby Froud (The baby in Labyrinth) so, yeah. I love the older Henson movies from before puppets were only for kids and people told original stories that they cared about. I feel like an old man but I really pine for the days when everything wasn’t just a cash-grab and studios took risks on weird stories.

  • bwhitz

    Why? Because you want to keep denying how reality works?

    Anyways, I’m not a “Randian”… but I don’t deny the existence objective reality. I mean, honestly, what do you think? That reality is subjective? That all we have to do to make something work is “believe” in it? In your world, logically, we should be able to create cars what run on water by nothing more than convincing society that they can. Do you understand how insane that sounds? Is that what you believe? What observations have you made that would suggest to you, that we as a society, can just make up free money out of thin air to pay for non-productive people to live with no consequences at all? It will never work in the end. This isn’t even objectivism… this is just common sense. This is just how nature and reality work. If someone can’t support themselves, it means they have to live off of others. Society will stagnate, cease to evolve, and destroy it self eventually. If you can’t understand this, it’s not because you have superior “morals”… it means that you are facing cognitive-dissonance, or your brain is not working properly. You’re looking at society from a perspective of “what you want it to be”… not what it is.

  • Sully

    It still is.

  • Geahk Burchill

    You may have missed the fact that most of our money goes to wars we cannot win in your calculations. What you consider ‘reality’ is pretty disturbed. Cherry picking your information from Infowars isn’t going to make your argument any more valid. Go kick a bum, adults are talking. No fourteen-year-olds need attend.

  • Kyle

    Yes, I suppose it was a risk to forego name recognition but I still don’t think it was that much of a risk because they’re marketing towards the Michael Bay crowd, just like they’re marketing Ender’s Game towards the Hunger Games crowd.

  • Ricki Jack Billy Bob

    Hey, I have never fucked my sister.

  • Kyle

    Um, really? You think they’re marketing Pacific Rim to grandpa? The segment about putting you in the driver’s seat of a full-body humanoid vehicle controller with virtual reality helmets and heads up displays and a computer voice sidekick is supposed to appeal to people who wouldn’t know what to do with a PS3 controller?

    I don’t think the Matrix is a fair comparison because it’s perhaps one of the best examples of a game-changing culturally significant revolutionary new idea in cinema, but I understand that it’s a matter of opinion. Even if the Matrix is just a rehash of stuff they came up with in Neuromancer and whatnot and therefore not a new idea, at least it’s an idea. What’s Pacific Rim’s idea? What’s the story? I’m sorry, the trailer gives us nothing more than robots and monsters.

  • Lemoncakes

    So that Sharknado movie…

  • Geahk Burchill

    Congratulations!

  • Geahk Burchill

    The big difference is, The Hunger Games is a current book being read by real live current teens and tweens. As for Pacific Rim using Transformers style advertising, can you see them doing anything else? They have no name recognition and spent a ton on money on it. It’s not a concept familiar to mainstream Americans so they HAD to ride Transformers coattails to even have a chance at recouping what they spent. Had they advertised it any other way it would have utterly failed at the box office instead of half succeeding. See John Carter as object lesson.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Wish I could upvote this twice. Especially the Adam Sandler comment.

  • Geahk Burchill

    The Matrix is a clear example of what I’m talking about. History will judge if Pacific Rim comes anywhere close but at root, it is the same thing. It’s a film made for Kaiju fans. It uses ideas we’ve already seen separately and puts them together in a new way with new special effects. As far as the plot, the Matrix didn’t reveal it’s plot in the trailers either. As I said before, they HAD to market Pacific Rim in a similar way to Transformers because that’s the only thing that would work. It’s not a movie made for general American audiences. It’s a niché film for fans of a particular thing but we fans HOPE it will catch on and expand the market enough that more things like it will get made.

    Another note on the storyline, there is a lot not in the trailer because their afraid all the memory/trauma stuff will turn off the dumb-mass market. The movie does have more to it than monsters and robots but it’s kept out of the spotlight. The film is largely about pairs of pilots who have to become intimately familiar with one anothers histories in order to sync up and pilot a machine which is too complicated for one brain. This is stuff that will be particularly familiar to Anime fans but would likely bore the popcorn chomping general audience.

  • Percy Gryce

    It’ll be like when the Love Boat sailed to Fantasy Island.

  • Geahk Burchill

    I enjoyed Cloud Atlas quite a bit and agree they should review it. It seems kind of perfect for Mike and Jay. It’s intellectual and strange and beautiful but has plenty of sci-fi elements that are probably pretty attractive to Mike. Also it’s not the typical Hollywood Schlock they are always reviewing. Whatever it’s successes and failures, it was original and captivating.

  • Geahk Burchill

    You don’t understand the definition of ‘Racism’ You might say Reverend Wright was bigoted but he was not racist. Racism implies someone has the power, either through action or preferential treatment, to discriminate in a way which tangibly effects the quality of life or career of the person they are targeting. There are almost no circumstances in America where black people have the power to oppress white people. By the text-book definition of racism, black people are unable to be racist, only bigoted.

  • Kyle

    No, I can’t see them advertising it any other way but that leads me back to the original question. If it looks so much like a Michael Bay movie in the trailer then why does everybody watch the trailer and get so excited thinking it’s going to be so different?

    I’ve given it some thought and I think I understand now why the seemingly insignificant distinction between a sentient robot and a piloted robot makes all the difference to the squirming fanboys. Controlling a giant robot appeals to kids for the same reasons superheroes appeal to kids. It’s a power fantasy. They want to imagine that they can be given the power to do incredible things and squash all the bad guys out there because they often feel so powerless in real life.

  • Paul Schumann

    Shouldn’t that definition render the term obsolete, then?

    The only oppression of black people happening today in the USA is a result of the welfare state and the Democratic party’s insistence black people vote for them despite doing nothing for them. Case in point: President Obama does nothing to try to stop black on black violence in Chicago, yet speaks out against guns re: white deaths in CT and tries to stir up racial division re: the recent FL case. He gets his campaign photo op with Jay-Z and Beyonce and that’s the equivalent of circuses for the Roman mob.
    end tangent.

    Thanks for clearing that up about the definition of racism. I’ll have to remind people now that there’s no such thing as racism in the USA anymore. “Bigot” is the only appropriate term. Got it! 😉

  • Kuato

    Before anyone sees Pacific Rim they should check out Joss Whedon’s new film adaptation of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. While I felt that Pacific Rim was probably the best of the big summer blockbuster type films this year, Much Ado About Nothing is the best movie, period, that I have seen this year.

    I think it is as close to perfection as cinema gets, easily getting 5 out of 5 stars from me. Seriously, if you are a lover of either Shakespeare in particular, or cinema in general, you owe it to yourself to see this film, NOW, before it leaves theaters.

  • Joseph Frank

    Sure, but it didn’t even really touch Iron Man 3.

    This is a Superman film and the first one in a pretty long time. This thing should have gone off like an atom bomb. Superman Returns was a mediocre film with an uncharismatic lead actor that had the bad fortune of competing with a ‘Pirates’ film.

    What makes Iron Man so successful? In my opinion, it’s the fact that RDJ’s Tony Stark is fun. He’s a throwback to the arrogant-but-not-too-arrogant swashbuckling types of old. It can’t be character recognition. Iron Man was nowhere near one of the most popular Marvel characters.

    I’m not saying that audiences want an ‘aw shucks’ 1950’s Superman, but I do believe they want a more light hearted one. But maybe I’m wrong. Just seems that way from all I hear online and offline from fans and average folk alike.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Because fanboys have pretty decent shiet detectors and can parse the difference between a Del Toro movie and a Bay movie. Despite your condescension, you do have some basic element correct but I would modify it. I don’t necessarily imagine myself piloting a giant robot but I’m sure as hell not going to root for JUST a robot–at least not the way Bay does them. I could give a fuck about whether Optimus gets his ass canned or not. But Idris Elba? Yes, I will root for him to beat back the invading hordes.

    Movies have trouble getting us to root for machines. It’s why Johnny Five or Wall•e stand out–they are relatable robots in a way Bays Transformers never have been or will be. It’s RARE to care about a machine and Bay isn’t a talented enough director to make us care. But you put human pilots in those Jaegers and I WANT to see them win whether I want to BE them or not.

    Another thing that makes it VERY different from transformers. I can tell what the hell is going on! These aren’t whirling balls of scrap metal. When I look at Transformers I can barely pick out where the robot’s head is. There is no doubt with these designs. They are solid, simple and direct. Del Toro is inventive but clear and that comes through in every part of the trailers.

    Del Toro has a much better hand with action than Bay as well. There is a reason to fire-up an elbow-thruster; you know that robot is about to smash it’s fist into some seamonster’s nose. Telegraphing the moves, creating tension with each action and showing consequences when a Jaeger fails to beat its opponent. Del Toro knows how to direct an action sequence so it feels intense but is completely clear. Bay directs confusing actions sequences which are drained of suspense and leave an audience tired and bored.

    There are a myriad of specific things that tell us this is no Bay film even in the trailer. It’s really a wholly different experience even as it generally follows the same formula. Sorry you can’t see it. Del Toro’s fingerprints are distinct and obvious to anyone who knows his previous work.

  • Geahk Burchill

    You don’t live in the real world. I guess it’s cozy inside Hannity’s ass but it can’t smell very good.

  • Now I Get It

    Was it the “I would beseech you…”? Because when I read your “Vader,” I immediately thought of George Hearst, from “Deadwood”, spitting in E.B. Farnum’s face, then warning him something like “You would not want me to return here to find that you had wiped your face.”

    Hearst was about as Vader as serious drama gets. Poor E.B.

  • Now I Get It

    Because those other ones don’t have Charlie Day. Charlie freakin’ Day, and the little man who works him from the inside, only the movie doesn’t show him, but you know he’s there.

    Charlie-Charlie Day.

  • Franklin Floratos

    I’m liking this less and less

  • Franklin Floratos

    … kill me

  • S G

    Fair point, but going with the Pacific Rim-comparison: Who has heard of that one? With BattleTech, you’d have at least *some* sort of established fan-base.

    And getting non-nerds curious about a BT-movie should be fairly easy: Just do an updated, highly polished version of the MechWarrior 2-intro as a teaser.

    Plus: I want to see a friggin BattleTech-movie, dammit! 😉

  • catnep

    T’was the beseech. Verily, good sir. I must admit I’m not familiar with your other reference as it isn’t Star Wars.

  • catnep

    … has a shark and a tornado in it. Oh, shit. SPOILER!

  • Lemoncakes

    Whoa, rude.

  • Vindictus

    Yep, seeing it this week and really looking forward to it.

  • kenchun24

    Ha! After reading my post again I understand (rambling a bit). I guess I recall a time when most awareness of an anticipated movie (genre fare mainly) was a Starlog Official Movie Magazine,a trailer or two I saw at a prior film and that 1/2 hour episode of “At The Movies” or a “making of ___ ” special. I think movies left a bit more to be desired and it was okay to not know every single thing about a movie prior to its release. Word of mouth after the movie opens was pretty effective enough for the film to be embraced or forgotten on its own merits.

    Now with the web,and non-stop packed cineplex competition any built up positive or negative news on a project months/years in advance can forge a preconceived decision to support something or not. Just based on all of the “PR looks like Transformers/Power Ranger/Cloverfield rip-off” pre-release social media blurbs from what I’m assuming is reflective of the “millennial generations” immediate impression. So constant sequels,brand awareness stuff flourishes while the unknown is a crapshoot and is dismissed immediately.

    But I do think Warner Bros put their all into the marketing of Man Of Steel (product placement galore in that film) and fumbled the Pacific Rim marketing. I’m surprised that WB did not have at the very least a fast food tie-in (kids meals,collector cups with Jaegers & Kaiju’s featuring specs etc…) and focused more via the later trailers on the Rinko Kikuchi “Mako Miro” character as she is the heart of the movie,and perhaps playing up Charlie Day’s comedic Kaiju expert. Some trade news reported that WB expected a 40 mil opening weekend in the U.S. (which it came close too) and always saw the film as a movie that would do better internationally.

    After reading some articles on Legendary CEO Thomas Tull eluding that their partnership with WB may end soon, it might have something to do with how WB mucked up the U.S. marketing for Pacific Rim as all of the pre-release tracking news of the movie being bested by Grown Up 2 held true (even though it was close). Word of mouth is strong on it however,and the movie doesn’t open in Japan & China until August so who knows.

    For me,I don’t care if there is a sequel or not. I enjoyed PR both as a lover of the genre it pays homage too,and a good time at the movies in a lackluster summer. As a standalone movie it was a refreshing throwback and del Toro did a good job of creating a world I’m interested in revisiting with a Blu- Ray purchase for sure. But it’s quite possible Guillermo takes a hit for any future “big budget” fare,while “re-makes,sequels/brand recognition only” remain the status quo.

  • Vindictus

    Monsters and robots is the new idea.. Mechs and Kaiju are both different genres that rarely (if ever) cross over. We’ve never seen this kind of thing in the form of a hollywood blockbuster.

  • Vindictus

    del Toro toned down the Glados voice in the movie, I barely noticed it and I’m more than familiar with Ellen’s work for Valve. It was a first trailer promotional thing, del Toro got permission because he obviously loves portal and Valve granted it.

    What isn’t exciting about big mechs fighting monsters? Is it just not your thing? del Toro successfully gives these 2500 ton beings weight and presence, the trailers presented me with something unlike anything I’ve seen before in other blockbusters.

  • Now I Get It

    T’was no Star Wars, to be sure. But lo I am in the selfsame posture versus the Pacific Rimmists, unable to match their fine scholarship, and find myself behoven to go with the – how shall I call it? – non-sequitur regarding the comedy-ite Sir Charlie Day, who features in that flick.

  • Rogen has built a career from shouting ”Oh my gawwwd it is so awghhhsome that I am high” repeatedly for the last 13 years.

    Nice work if you can get it.

  • catnep

    I’m sorry, lemoncakes. I just couldn’t resist your pregnant pause (…) nor the impulse to reveal the plot. I truly hope my outburst will not be the cause of Sharknado’s success. :-/

  • catnep

    Forsooth, young padawan. You want to be a Master but no one will give you the chance. I’ve heard this theme somewhere before… Hmm.

  • SeekerLancer

    I’d rather hear their thoughts on Pacific Rim than Grown Ups 2 as well. There’s not much more they can say about Sandler films that they haven’t already. It’s the same thing every time.

  • bonch

    Comparing Man of Steel’s performance to Iron Man 3 isn’t really fair, as Iron Man 3 is now an established franchise with a beloved actor. However, Man of Steel did outperform the original Iron Man and overcame the baggage of past portrayals that are now considered old-fashioned by modern audiences.

  • guest

    Quit bitching about white villains. It’s not like white people aren’t always the heroes in these movies. And most of the other characters, too. I don’t see you complaining about the lack of non-white protagonists. The casts ought to be more diverse in general, instead of having a white guy in redface playing what’s supposed to be a Native American, etc.

  • Paul Schumann

    Alright man, have it your own way.
    Btw, Hannity sucks…
    Red Eye’s where it’s it.

  • alan

    You guys should review my asshole next. My doctor didn’t like it, but I’m hoping you guys will get what it’s trying to do.

  • innocent question

    To get a dick in ?

  • Meester Smeeth

    Asylum sucks my balls.

  • innocent question

    ..I believe it has several sharks not just a shark…just sayin’

  • Meester Smeeth

    “Pop knob in fanny. Not up the arse.” – Keith Chegwin

  • Ogluan

    Evangelion is for kids? Cool, time to show my 8 year old son the scene where the protagonist masturbates over a 14 year old comatose girl after he had a mental breakdown from killing his gay lover, im sure my boy can take it.

  • semantics

    o.O

    http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/racism

    “Pronunciation: /ˈreɪsɪz(ə)m/[mass noun]
    the
    belief that all members of each race possess characteristics,
    abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to
    distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races: theories of racism
    prejudice,
    discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different
    race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior:a programme to combat racism ”

    Also does not being bigoted towards certain race imply racism ?

  • Meester Smeeth

    I see what you mean. I suppose it’s a bit of a subversion, really, Shaun and Fuzz kind of being Britishised versions of almost vintage American Buddy traditions. But it never feels like pandering in the Cornetto films, no matter what they’ve done (haven’t seen The World’s End yet), they have a certain subtlety about them. Plus Shaun and Fuzz are a great deal more focused than Paul.
    Paul had a few too many really obvious jokes, references etc for me, but I put that down to Pegg and Frost themselves. Between writing it and making it, they must have been geekgasming every day.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Racism is a systemic problem. Bigotry is the individual expression of it. One individual can believe that another race is inferior but that person is not oppressed by racism until there are enough individuals to create a systemic hurdle to that person’s quality of life or career.

    Ex. One white police officer might believe that all Latinos are illegal immigrants but his belief can’t actually effect the life of an individual Latino unless there is a system behind him giving him the power to do that.

    It’s unlikely you would have a system in the current world that would allow a Latino police officer to oppress a white person in the same way because the racism is the systematic backing of the perception.

  • Meester Smeeth

    Charlie Day? I know him from Horrible Bosses!

  • Indiana

    Great watch. Love half in the bag. Fuck it, im donating!

  • Now I Get It

    Horrible Bosses?! …Oh, well, the C.D. I know is a leading exponent of bird law.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvSx7-CTTl4

    I wonder if they’re the same guy. He does seem horrible to work with.

  • Andro ang Christopher

    You may not have intended to imply that it’s bad for adults to be excited about seeing the action in Pacific Rim, but since it came off that way, here’s a quote.

    “Critics who treat ‘adult’ as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

    ― C.S. Lewis

    Mecha (definitively not robots) fighting monsters in a Guillermo Del Toro movie, with well-choreographed action and quality ILM effects, is exciting to some of us, and that’s okay. I never asked for an original story that “needed to be told,” although that would have been a nice extra; I only needed the film to make me care about the characters and the outcome of the battles, which it did. I know it didn’t work for everyone. It’s simple and easy for a movie like this to please me, but it’s remarkable how seldom a summer blockbuster succeeds in doing so. I didn’t even watch giant robot/monster films or TV shows as a kid, but I think it’s a wonderful idea which will always have intrinsic value.

  • Amir

    I don’t think they were bitching about a lack of non-white villains (because, obviously, a lack of non-white heroes is a much bigger issue). Instead, they were pointing out that many movies nowadays don’t even have non-white villains anymore, seemingly because Hollywood is either too afraid of the PC-brigade to even dare casting a non-white actor as a villain or because they want to appeal to the international market. But in doing this, it makes recent movies feel very “samey”, because those white villains are usually American/British/German/Russian etc, and they tend to have very similar goals.

    Hollywood needs more diversity in their cast in general (both villains and heroes), not only because we live in a diverse world, but also because the same white actors and the same America-oriented plots gets really boring after a while.

  • rudydragon

    Amen to that. It’s one of the reasons I really disliked the new Muppets movie, actually. While it was nice to see the muppets again, the plot felt forced and so did the sentiment. It felt like they were trying to shove the heart-warming scenes down our throats, instead of just…letting it happen. Those early Jim Henson movies had more thought and effort in a single scene than most movies have in their entire runtime.

  • Simon

    I agree that Shite House Down sounds thoroughly implausible but, as a psychologist, I’ve got to point out that it IS possible to have a tumor in your frontal lobe that affects impulsiveness but not intelligence. You may have identified the only non-dumb thing Roland Emmerich has ever done!

  • Now I Get It

    That’s an apt quote from Lewis, and all the better because it’s true. Do you know what it’s from?

  • Zhaz

    As opposed to the nearly-identical film that came out earlier this year, Olympus has Fallen, where every Asian person there is depicted as an undercover terrorist. I ain’t hear them bullshitting about that.

  • Andro ang Christopher

    Oh, thank you. 🙂 It’s from “On Three Ways of Writing for Children.”

  • semantics

    ..that still does not prove that a black person is incapable of your definition of racism…given the right circumstances theoretically speaking…they are not morally superior just because they did not have a chance to enslave white people…not saying that’s an excuse for the horrific history of white people enslaving black people…just trying to say we are of the same species and we are basically the same…capable of horrific shit..

    ..also I believe you are nitpicking and splitting hairs..racism is racism whether it finds its expression in a society’s systematic structure or it is just kept in the privacy of individuals home,it’s still racism…you say it’s “just” bigotry ..that’s “just” another word for the same thing…the essence of the thing is of the same value…racism is also “just” a belief and attitude,it does not have to be active to be so, bigotry towards other races is racism whether it is acted upon or not…but I understand the distinction you are trying to point out.I still say it is the same thing in its essence.The source,the cause of the belief may be different and behavior may vary in its influence in society but it’s the same thing essentially.The non-acceptance of the “other”.

    Both (if you insist on treating it as two separate things) are equally undesirable for fair society and in my opinion point to lack of understanding of basic humanity,as in we are all just a bunch of assholes and both of our shits stink.

  • Jordan

    Love it! Keep em coming. Never going to watch either of these movies. Unless it’s the only way to get laid. Hope I was the only one who had to sit through a dozen repeat commercials before the review started. Maybe it was my browser, but I tried Chrome, Firefox, and IE. All the same. I now want to punch that stupid Tim Allen robot toy in the face.

  • Geahk Burchill

    We’re not talking about something hypothetical here. We’re not discussing “What if history had gone differently and Black people had enslaved white people.” We’re talking about America as it exists today with the institutions and systems that are currently in place. There are very few situations in real-life-current America where a person of a non-white race has the opportunity to oppress a white person with the backing of systemic racism.

    That doesn’t say that black or Asian or Latino individuals might not have the motive or even, in extremely small ways, the opportunity but without a system in place to enforce their views there is no ‘Racism’ in the purest sense of the word, only bigotry. Racism requires a larger framework in which to be effective.

    An all black jury might convict and innocent white person in one trial but even that doesn’t rise to actual systemic racism unless there is a longstanding consistency the way there is when the races in this example are reversed.

  • semantics

    That’s what you are talking about.

    I was talking about the definition of the word racism.

    Not disagreeing with you on things being fucked up in USA,which by the way I am not a resident of so I can speak only from the point of view of an outsider,but “shit be messed up” like in most of the world.

    But you are right.Meaning of the word can’t be separated from the situation it is “describing” in reality.

    Just your statement about “black people can’t be racists” bothered me since it’s biased.And in my humble opinion any sort of bias warps the truth or the pursuit of the truth what ever that may be at the end of the journey.

    I personally believe there are no real fundamental differences between the so called races.Same species.Same shit.I don’t see how pigmentation influences any other functions of human nervous system biologically speaking.
    It all comes down to social programing.Imho.

  • Now I Get It

    Thanks. I’ll look into it.

  • Kyle

    Of course Evangelion is for kids. Why else would it be about kids? It has the bizarre premise of giant robots that can only be piloted by 14-year-olds, so that kids can read it imagining that they themselves could be chosen as pilots just like kids read Harry Potter and eagerly await their letter of admission to Hogwarts.

    How old were you when you got into Evangelion and stuff like that?

  • Geahk Burchill

    But that’s been my entire point, In the United States, as it is today, Black people can’t be racist (Or, at the very least there is almost no opportunity or situation where it is possible)

    Black people can be bigoted but in a society where they do not control the levers of power they cannot be racist because racism is the product of systematized prejudiced.

    This is not a semantic game it’s literally the case and is frequently confused in the media. We often hear about “so-an-so of such nationality is racist” but it is inaccurate unless it’s referring to the power-holding majority. I feel like I’m repeating something that I made quite clear earlier but let me try one more time.

    All races have the ability to be prejudiced All races have equal potential motivation to enact that prejudice in a way that negatively impacts others BUT not all races in the US have the power to create a system that enacts that prejudice in a way that oppresses other races. Only white people in the US have that power and the definition of that power is racism.

    Ergo, Anyone of any race can be bigoted or prejudiced but, in the US, only white people have the power to be racist.

    Racism is systematic prejudice. Did I make it clear enough?

  • semantics

    No need to be patronizing.
    It defeats the purpose of your argument if you mean to educate the rest of us who take the issue you are arguing about or for too lightly,since that attitude alienates people thus defeating the purpose and negates any success of bringing your point across.Referring to your last sentence.
    Maybe I am reading too much into it.All touchy feely.it does not bother me ..much 🙂 ..just an unsolicited advice for future arguments with frustratingly stupid dimwits… which I may or may not be..jury is still out…

    But I see your point as stated previously.And admittedly I might have been a bit superficial in reading your original comment.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Good point. I did get a bit exasperated. I do mean to educate, if I can, because it is something I see often in the media and it’s part of why this country has trouble addressing systemic racism. Many white people can’t see the privilege they are born with and, therefore, can’t see the hurdles that others may face.
    Sorry for being patronizing.

  • rob

    Len Cavazazazazainsky keeps crossing the line of action. Therefore he is as good as Ozu. End of analysis.

  • Now I Get It

    Yeah, they were mean. …No, they weren’t. I’m just ingorant.

  • CherryValance

    Aw, I really loved the Lone Ranger. Tonto wasn’t crazy. They just thought he was. 🙁

  • Andro ang Christopher

    In the Rise of the Planet of the Apes HitB, Jay and Mike praised the unusual casting – both of a British black guy as the villain, and of a “beautiful Indian woman” instead of a white girl as the female lead, though the latter [praise] may have been for the exotic appeal factor.

  • Dick75

    Thanks for the invite Larry, but seeing as how this is the internet I’m going to assume you’re a murderer who plans on harvesting my organs should we ever meet. If you’re not then I’m sorry for the accusation and if you are then let me say, hey you shouldn’t do those things.

  • Ogluan

    Evangelion isn’t called a “deconstruction” of the giant robot genre for nothing.

    It’s obvious you base your perception of Eva by outward appearances without ever having watched the show.
    Power Fantasy? Nope, the protagonist is a wimp who doesnt WANT to get in the giant robot and for good reason because everytime he uses the robot he gets traumatized.

    He is forced to go into the robot even though he never wanted to and everytime a fight ends instead of getting any thanks people slap him across the head and tell him “do a better job next time you loser!”

    Why am I even explaining this to you? In all your posts you just say “NU-UH! Giant robots are for kiddies!” without ever, EVER engaging in actual conversation, just typing the same point over and over despite all the factual posts by the users.

  • catnep

    Are you sure? It always helps me to consult the Star Wars manual when I’m confused. The Old Testament, not the newer one. Anyway, it beats Dianetics.

  • Kyle

    So you were a kid when you got into it? I was about 13 myself. Manga is a great way for kids to view mature content because to parents it just looks like regular comic books.

  • Meester Smeeth

    Yeah, that’s the guy. He’s kinda like Bobcat Goldthwait only his voice doesn’t make me want to deafen myself, violently, with Q-tips… or maybe he does and I have it the wrong way round. I don’t know, it’s definitely something.

    Seriously though, I actually really liked him in Horrible Bosses. Might have to give It’s Always Sunny With A Chance Of Philadelphia a go.

  • Thebrave&thebold

    “Beautiful Indian woman.” Once again, judging actresses by looks instead of talent.

  • Dave Bowman

    My God… it’s full of stars!

  • Andro ang Christopher

    When their notes on Maggie Gyllenhaal’s performance consisted entirely of negative comments about her face, I wondered if it was an attempt at self-deprecating RLM humor (“look at how stupidly superficial we are”), but I think they were being serious.

  • ShojiTabuchi.

    Put it on youtube, you fucking hack frauds! It seems like you’ve forgotten about it, since you put the next one there. Some thought about those of us who can’t watch this goddamn blip videos.

  • Now I Get It

    Of my ingorance? Oh, yes, I’m quite sure.

  • Quonk

    “How many of these movies have to flop before the studios start to panic and say: ‘Maybe we should try something new”?” By now that’s actually the question I ask myself after every other movie trailer. Up to a point where I desperately WISH for remakes, re-boots and stuff to flop miserably… But well, first we’ll have to sit through the RoboCop remake… and after that possibly through a remake of every single Paul Verhoeven movie INCLUDING “Showgirls”!

  • Dr Kilovolt

    Spotted Cow…that’s a good beer.

  • panzi

    Was that the “Lone Ranger Theme” at the end? That was the finale of the William Tell Overture by Rossini. Well I guess the copyright is expired on that one.

  • CaptainSpauldingforPresident

    Near Dark was a vampire western, but as for classics Tom Horn and Jeremiah Johnson were the shit. The Proposition is a good modern western.

  • Percy Gryce

    “Sold.”

  • Franklin Floratos

    … will be so laughable it will become a 1-hour BotW special (sorry, IMO)

  • Franklin Floratos

    All this from my comment? Impressive!

  • Now I Get It

    It’s kind of vindicating – isn’t it? – and odd how these threads sometimes go.

    Long, long ago, on a site far, far away, I posted a comment that mentioned the website of one of my all-time favourite (but long dead) writers; it got a thankful reply from the site’s webmaster, who happened to be right there and read my post. Later, a friend sent me an email about the imminent disappearance of newspapers. The two messages combined in my mind, leading me to write an entire book on a related subject.

    More recently on this site, however, a number of innocent posts on the “Grown Ups 2” review, from users who didn’t quite get the joke, got strings of savage replies from the users who did. Lost in all that was the chance to compare notes on how two such different experiences were caused by a single, impressively artful review.

    Some users go away as a result; others (yourself) remain despite it. And when they stay, the site overall can get just that much better. Cheers.

  • Now I Get It

    It took me the whole first season (eight episodes?) to hook into it, but I’m glad I did. It’s maybe a little long in the tooth now, but I still think it’s in the top five for satire.

  • Now I Get It

    “Racism implies…”

    Leaving Wright aside, I’ll say that definitions don’t really work that way. Their purpose is to identify a thing by comparing it to other, similar things. Whereas what you’ve offered, whether you call it an implication or a text-book definition, is really just a description of something that isn’t essential to the doctrine.

  • Andrew Scanlan

    White House Down was–not even playing wich u–a really great throwback genre picture with some virtuoso Zizek-baiting self-referential plays on the neuroses of neoliberalism vis a vis 90’s orange fireball cinema. It has some laughs, Channing Tatum is a good Bruce Willis. #whitehousedownisnotaflop

  • Robby

    Every time I see them drinking it (which is often), I wish it was sold here on the west coast.

  • Meester Smeeth

    Is it still going, is it? I’ll have to try get a box-set or something. There’s that and Arrested Development I’d really like to watch from the beginning.

  • Now I Get It

    Apparently, they’ll do a tenth season. Time was you could rent these shows before putting out serious money on DVDs, but my two favourite rental places closed. I don’t know what people do now. Stream it somehow, I guess.

    “Arrested Development” is unlike anything else on TV. Some people call it a satire, but I think it’s more of a comedy of intrigue, which is a relative of farce.

  • TWN

    That Wendigo movie looks like it used the same editor as Feeding Frenzy.

  • M.A.C.

    No kidding. Nothing more ‘Murican than whitebread heroes accompanied by nineteenth-century Italian opera music.

  • Franklin Floratos

    No worries. I try to make things better for others, even if it doesn’t always pay off. I’m glad people the like of yourself appreciate this.

  • kalebhargress

    i was lolling the entire video

  • Meester Smeeth

    I’ve seen a few episodes, it is really funny. Great sitcom. I hear they’ve made 13 new episodes for Netflix, then they’re making a film, apparently.

  • deerstop

    olololo

  • Charon

    He forgot the first part of his line – “BOUGHT and sold”.

  • Charon

    Cloud Atlas has some great set pieces and acting, but the middle of that movie is so fucking boring that I have fallen asleep during the film three times. Seriously. I had to re-watch it five times just to finish it.

  • Nathan Seymour

    I own the entirety of MST3K, I am aware of how stupid movies can be.

  • johnny wad

    when is this going on you tube, please?

  • Contrary View

    I disagree with their analysis of the Lone Ranger. I went to see it earlier today and I understood the plot, didn’t make me sleep, in fact it was an eye-opener for me. I like the tonal shift from dry humour to violence. Didn’t feel awkward to me because it fit in the context of movie: one crazy Indian and a white wimp chasing hardened criminals.

    I guess the reason why it flopped is because of poor marketing. With good marketing even mediocre movies can perform well.

  • Allan Bøgeskov Jensen

    You forgot to upload this to YouTube, you frauds!

  • omgnoway

    People can’t go see something like The Dark Knight, have it make $20 billion dollars, and call it the greatest movie ever made, even better than the Godfather, and complain about every action movie after being the same exact thing. That was dark, brooding, with an “anti-hero,” politicians gone corrupt, with twists, a crazy villain, and all over the place, I wonder why every movie now has the same thing? That’s why The Avengers and Pacific Rim were fun to watch, cause they had none of that.

  • Tommy o

    I liked the lone ranger, only problem for me was the duration. could have been 40-50 minutes shorter.

  • PissedGrunty .

    I’ve always wondered how much the quality of the movie actually impacts the opening weekend sales. Sure, word of mouth means a lot over a longer time, but anyone going on the opening weekend is assuredly sold on the movie, probably based on ads.

    White House Down is about a Speaker of the House who wants a black president to fail so much, he’s willing to harm his own country? Take out the part about the nuke, and that sounds like a documentary!

  • Hey RLM

    I think you guys forgot to upload this specific episode on YouTube.

  • Tony Caroselli

    You posted this exact same comment on “Man of Steel.” No. People CAN complain about shitty movies ripping off better ones.

  • Tony Caroselli

    I mean, by your ridiculous logic, I should have just gone ahead and paid to see “Mac & Me.” Sure, it’s a shitty movie, but it’s exactly the same as “ET,” and I liked that, so of course I’ll like M&M.

  • Lightning Fast VCR Repair Man

    Not everything they do has to be on youtube. They (Mike and Jay)like traffic to their page, and it gets them moolah! We at lightning fast love money.

  • omgnoway

    Yeah that might have been dumb seeing as how I haven’t seen The Lone Ranger and don’t plan to so I shouldn’t compare. But what could have been a fun, lighthearted summer action movie turns into an overly complicated, dark, and what I hear, mildly disturbing film, that is so jumbled it doesn’t know what kind of movie it wants to be because executives want to cover every base. In one aspect it wants to be a funny buddy comedy, with the same lighthearted humor and action as Pirates of the Caribbean, but of course it needs to have a dark, gritty villain and tone of the Dark Knight. Bah, i wish I was better at explaining.

  • Condom Mouth

    It is usually a week or two before it gets uploaded to youtube.

  • DanceK

    Movies should make me feel like I when I’m listening to the Wilhelm Tell Overture…

  • killaxxx10169202abcdefornicati

    maggie gillenhaul is cool, as is the chick from Twin Peaks in baby’s day out. I haven’t seen whatever movie is being reviewed in the first half of this, or baby’s day out, but I can only assume that their respective performances were outstanding.

  • Will A.

    Right.

  • Entoman Just Entoman

    The success of “Pirates of the Caribbean” didn’t come aut of nowhere because the manga “One Piece” made the whole pirate genre profitable again.
    And “Cutthroat Island” for example didn’t have this base.

  • sunpapushi

    You’re overestimating the reach of One Piece. The appeal pf maanga and anime is limited to a small enthuastic base. The vast majority of people don’t give a crap.

  • Alex Lee

    That and the studio seems to have forgotten the existence of the Wild Wild West Movie.

  • Alex Lee

    That, and Bollywood films are like Broadway and a certain level of silliness for the sake of spectacle is acceptable and entertaining.

  • JDY

    Some people just really like pirates.

  • AlcaldeEste

    I know Pirates of the Caribbean, but what the hell is “One Piece”?

  • Now I Get It

    “I must admit….”

    This strikes me as funny all over again. I’m glad I had the sense to upvote it the first time.

  • williamsn411

    i don’t really care if a movie is dumb, especially an action movie. A movie can be dumb and still be entertaining. For example, “Independence Day” is dumb but it’s still one of my favorite movies. A lot of people aren’t looking for realism or a believable plot when they go see an action movie, they’re simply looking for something that’ll entertain em’ for an hour and a half.

  • Gregory Roth

    A crazed right wing nut-job Speaker of the house isn’t really implausible, are we forgetting Newt Gingrich?

  • Let’s Complain On The Internet

    9:53 Nuclear launch codes aren’t kept in the White House. Every individual launch code is kept in two lock boxes where the actual silo is. The White House has the ability to give the order, but when the missile operators realize that you’re not the president and that you don’t have all the other credentials and codes necessary then they’ll never input the actual launch codes. Check your facts before saying something, unsubscribed!

  • Alex Lee

    I think after 2015, when all the big blockbusters come out, everyone will be so exhausted by sequels, studios will be disappointed with the outcome, even though it will be their highest-grossing year due to the exorbitantly high cost needed to make these movies that need to compete with each other.

    After that, I think we’ll start seeing less remakes, or at least, less stupid ones.

  • Tyber Zann

    Dude, the boss told us to stop blabbing about work outside the office. But yeah, raiding the white house would be pointless. I though they had to go through the whole Def-Con thing too. U’d have to be like, Def-Con 1 now! No time to explain!

  • Morgan Jones

    They obviously weren’t entertained. They have praised many dumb action movies that entertained them, if they didn’t like this one than that means they thought even the action was too plain and boring to get them invested.

  • Cameron Vale

    I’ve been obsessed with Disney’s inner workings for, almost ten years now I think, and I’ve become convinced that they’re in some kind of weird ‘Brewster’s Millions’ type situation where they’re intentionally trying to lose money, but they keep fucking it up and ending up even richer than before. I’m not kidding btw, I actually believe this. It seems to have started sometime before 1996.

  • jt

    Lone Ranger is worse than John Carter?

  • Baron Teapot

    What’s not to like about pirates? Johnny Depp was the appeal of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and he was quite entertaining in them.

    The bits without him in were watchable, but it was similar to ‘The Avengers’ – without Robert Downey Jr, it wouldn’t have been half as much fun.

    ‘One Piece’ is a pirate comic, but there’s more to it than that. The characters are often parodies of real (Japanese) personalities, and its simplicity is part of what makes it fun and popular – it’s easily accessible to anyone.

    Check it out if you like comic books, though it’s not very deep, dark or gritty.

  • EliB

    No, it’s not amazing but there’s at least a few fun scenes and cool action set pieces.

  • Collin

    anyone know what beers they be drinking?

  • Collin

    I think a lot of their reviews come from the point of view that film is an artform, they are very informed on what makes an artful film, which is why I enjoy their take on movies

  • Patrick

    Well that’s the real problem with the movie, is that it’s all a surface level fantasy. Aryan, Average-Joe Man gets thrown into a conflict between the cool black president who’s bringing about world peace and a paranoid, right-wing shithead who’s doing everything to maintain the military industrial complex. It feels like a propaganda film without the excuse of actually being put out by the government.

  • Ben Perkins

    The “Lone Ranger Music” is called the William Tell Overture. Just sayin’.

  • Cameron Vale

    The last three sentences of this rant are mind-bending, in an “it’s so crowded that no one goes there anymore” kind of way.

  • Cameron Vale

    Being a well-known example of the Noble Savage archetype is the same as being a known character.

  • Cameron Vale

    The Best Half… Of The Worst Bag

  • Cameron Vale

    I’m conflicted about that. People who try to emulate RLM almost always ditch the vulgarity element, but it never feels like they left out something important.

  • Cameron Vale

    What’s He-Man the Animated Movie? Does that exist?

  • My point is that Tonto, up to this movie, has not been a CHARACTER. He has been a trope, a stereotype. This is the first version of him I’ve seen (and I’m kind of a Lone Ranger fan) where he actually had a personality and a story and a character and wasn’t just a textbook stoic Noble Savage.

  • Gregory Roth

    Its tapping into the “People whos minds have been pounded to mush by propoganda” sort of flag waver market, It knows those people are out there and that they have some money left.

  • Marvin Falz

    @ 14:49 Maggie Gyllenhaal explains what White House Down is about. She sounds like she’s talking to dumb children. The sales pitch in keywords: huge spectacle, helicopter, tons of people, things on fire. Tells you that this movie has no soul, no creative spark, it’s hollow and the story elements that could be inspiring like the universal and globally recognized peace plan are just there but have no effect on the viewer, they don’t convey any ideological nor practical ideas how to help to achieve world peace. Can’t movies for the dumb masses be inspiring and at the same time not propagandizing? Why does it always have to be action and violence and stupid romance for the sake of action and violence and stupid romance?

  • Alex Lee

    I guess Hollywood sucked all the talent out of the writers.

    Or maybe this is payback for losing the Writers’ Strike.

    Seems like the audience is $12 poorer either way.

  • jsmith0552

    FIrst thing, the Die Hard in the White House scenario has been done in the 7th season of 24.

    Also please stop looking at films of prior decades as examples of bad cinema, when the truth is even bad action films of past decades (like the 80’s) had better pacing than 3/4 of the action films coming out today. The original Die Hard is still a better action film than half the clones being made now, even with the better technology Hollywood has at it’s disposal. You mention 80’s films like they were all cheesy, I’ll take one “The Road Warrior” or even a “48 hours” over most anything you can name made in the last decade.

  • Tim

    dude. Independence Day was sick.

  • stripeyunderpants

    Jay is right. Who cares about the Lone Ranger these days? It’s not like Superman, who has been around for decades yet has never really flagged in popularity. But that’s only part of the problem. The other is that this movie doesn’t know what it wants to be. The makers should have picked a mood—dark and creepy or humorous and quirky–and stuck with it. Mixing the two doesn’t usually work. Of course, there is also the issue of Depp playing an Indian in a fake-Indian costume. Which particular indigenous tribe wore dead birds on their heads, anyway? And why not hire an actual Indian actor? They do exist. But of course, they wouldn’t draw the audience, because, as we all know, people never want to see a movie starring someone they don’t know. So saith Hollywood.

  • Luke Neu

    I just saw the Lone Ranger movie at midnites for maniacs http://www.midnitesformaniacs.com/. While the tone does go a bit up and down, I felt that this film was fun. So much fun that i wonder why it was panned so harshly. The schlock felt genuine and fun. The shocking moments like the mass murder of Native Americans, the cannibalism, were scary moments to experience. Hammer was charming, Depp does very well. They are both entertaining. The movie has some haunting visuals like the movie beginning with Tanto being on display and ending with him walking alone into the silent motionless landscape. JAY mentions the lone ranger music being manipulative at the big exciting train chase. I think that is important that you feel manipulated, through out the film you should feel somewhat manipulated. The story of this movie is told by an old Tanto. The Lone Ranger is an idiot in the film. All the evil in the film comes from greed, man taking so much from the land (nature being unbalanced is a common theme through out the film.) I think, give this film a second try. Its fun, subversive, and in 20 or so years, this film may become John Carpenters the Thing, Robocop, Predator, Starship Troopers, and such.

    I saw this movie. I was pleasantly surprised and wasn’t inebriated at all.

    I love your guys’ reviews. They are fun, but I worry that as we review and pan films we are missing what future viewers will see. Take a step back, way back, from tickets sales and imploding economic crisis of Hollywood, from the brand recognition and let the movie solely speak for itself.

  • Paigealicious

    Most likely New Glarus. http://www.newglarusbrewing.com/

  • shyamasundara

    I love Mike’s comedic energy in this one

  • TapewormBike

    When will someone finally make that action packed franchise about a kickass mime with a funny accent (irony!), so Johnny Depp does not have to compromise his visionary acting?

  • Justin

    Yes, and it is also one of the most famous themes of all time thanks to The Lone Ranger. We all know it is the William Tell Overture, you guys can stop posting this.

  • diehounderdoggen

    dude. Independence Day made me sick.

  • Ludwig Scroggins IV

    you Tell em.

  • Ludwig Scroggins IV

    You’re everything that’s wrong with the universe. And my colon. Guest, if that’s really even your name.

  • Mamasaymamasahmamakusa

    Fuck off.

  • ikilledacat

    Johnny Depp is quickly becoming Nick Cage, but thankfully he can act better. Lone Ranger was a lengthy mess of a show. Could not get behind the Ranger character who had motivations crisscrossing every which way and somehow magically turned into a sharpshooter instantaneously. The only good thing about the movie was Finchtner (sp?) chara who was a very depthful performance. I adore watching actors throw themselves into roles.
    White House Down was a hot mess as well. The preposterousness was quite high. It’s sad that they honestly think that the White House would be that easy to break into. Especially by a group of militia with a decentralized leadership. Truly baffling.

  • Alex Lee

    Robocop was good to begin with, as is Starship Troopers (in a summer blockbuster sense). The Lone Ranger was just bad because it clearly feels soulless and has the whitest Native American ever.

  • Bort

    its not often you see depictions of a texas ranger with a best friend american indian.. although i kinda remember daniel boone and davey crocket and grizzly adams… did.. well grizzly adams when he’s not hanging out with elves that is… that whole dynamic of the different races meeting, the mistrust at first… and then over time they come to realize the humanity of each other.. and then eventually become close friends.. ya cant really do that … when both characters are the same race.. guys.. yeah every body loves johnny depp.. and its a popcorn movie.. but.. its not though is it.. its not just a popcorn movie… the subject matter doesnt say popcorn.. it wants to delve into that relationship… because that relationship there.. where 2 different cultures clash and combine… where the lone ranger befriends a native… THAT is what makes the lone ranger a hero.. because it takes a shit load of guts and honesty to actually to do that back in the day… hell it still does.. thats not popcorn.. thats supposed to be thoughtful.. and so really at the end of the day, the whole thing just came across as stupid.. and when ya got like hundreds of millions of dollars on the line.. stupid is a risky bet.

  • Name

    All the ones that they mentioned ARE cheesy though, and they’re not saying they’re bad at all. They said exactly what you’re saying about them.

  • Name

    Anime is for 12-year-olds so I doubt most people buying tickets liked One Piece jesus christ.

  • Name

    Seriously sometimes I wish people overseas would stop watching so many of Hollywood’s movies. I’m getting extremely tired of these broad, dumb, action movies that try to appeal to the entire world and don’t have any identifying qualities and have absolutely zero soul or originality.

  • elgatoblanco

    fuck these two movies, I’m gonna need to watch Olympus Has Fallen now

  • Alex Lee

    My first reaction to Johnny Depp in this movie was, “He’s whiter than us!”

  • roaroar roarar

    Roland Emmerich also destroyed the White House in the unforgettable cinema classic that is 2012.

  • Name

    What, no. The S. korean prime minister was actually a good guy, but a NK guerrilla group had infiltrated his diplomatic envoy and they end up killing him. They even had a white guy on their team. What, did you want the North Korean unification terrorist cell to have token black, hispanic and maybe some eskimo members too?

    I guess we should just stick to American and Russian right-wing terrorist cells so as not to offend anyone ever.

  • 44 seconds in, Mike’s face…

  • sepiajack

    I vote delusional auteur… his movies are dumb and bad, well I liked Stargate and Independence day to an extent… but they lack the mean spiritedness of Michael Bay or Zack Snyder who seem like soul less aholes.

  • sepiajack

    This?

  • Yes! And this…

  • Guest

  • Joel Farrelly

    Both.

  • Cassidy Fitzgerald Liston

    I need a hero.

  • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

    What is “to chan”? If I were to chan a Tatum, what would I be doing to that Tatum? I have not found this verb in the dictionary.

  • HNSZ

    Wir leben alle in Amerika. Amerika ist wunderbar.

  • HNSZ

    I think the best term to describe what the execs do when they come up with these movies is creative algebra. What they basically do is make an intuitive equation.

    On the right side they put a number that represents the box office total. On the left side they have a few terms. Each term contains at least one factor that represents a concept taken out of context of another movie. Also, each term contains at least one factor that represents a target audience.

    You can give these equations names. One such equation is called, the “whaddawegot”-equation,

    You can merge these equations, and augment and split and slice and splice.

    This all bullshit of course which is why it doesn’t work.

    What I think is behind The Lone Ranger is and exec that combined two dangling questions. One was, the enhanced “whaddawegot”, which goes: “whaddawegot that we can turn into any story, or series thereof, without angering people”. The other question was: “Can we make another franchise in which Johnny Depp acts all eccentric and steals the show”(i.e. something like pirates of the caribbean). When all the elements fell into place in his mind his must have felt like a real smarty pants.

  • And the award for the greatest informed poster goes to….

  • David Cole

    Kind of surprised this never when on YouTube.

  • Duckler

    The ultimate Hollywood copycat was when Chris Rock made “CB4” while Rusty Cundieff was scraping together independent money to make “Fear of a Black Hat” – both nearly identical “Spinal Tap” style mockumentary take downs of the early 90’s rap music scene.

  • Duckler

    All I need to know is, who was that sexy little girl that played the young Johnny Depp character?

  • James Bushey

    thanks for those title drops, seems like some good films to check out

  • BOUND BY BLOOD:WENDIGO? thats cool. im aware of that film….

  • andrew thompson

    fucking stop using FUCKING BLIP! its a shit glitch filled michael bay movie of a program!!! you cant jump to any point, it goes to random points. no preview, no way to control the resolution. and i would never link to a blip clip cause i dont want to piss my friends off with its shitfullness!

  • Fredrik Persson

    double click on any location of the bar takes you to that point though

  • Stupid Wizard

    Complain to Disney for that crap

  • Jordan Harris

    Wow, they ruined Olympus for me with that spoiler without warning. Now it won’t mean nearly as much when he says that brain line.

  • I’m dead now… sad face.

    you really have been lurking havent you?

  • TapewormBike

    Here and around Jay’s garbage.

  • Jonathan Jimenez

    Maggie Gyllenhal has always looked like an old woman….Idk why you realized just then.

  • frankelee

    I’m surprised how capricious their judgments are for mediocre movies. They like John Carter, and they like Cowboys and Aliens, and they like Chronicle, but The Lone Ranger they have complaints about. They could be flipping a coin.

  • Anders Hass

    This episode is missing a youtube version 🙁

  • boodomi

    Please upload this somewhere, it’s not on Youtube and Blip is fucked

  • guest

    upload goddammit! and I haven’t received my f@cking pizza rolls

  • Drain

    This episode seems to have been lost. It’s not on Youtube and Blip has bit the dust. Unless someone saved a copy of this and can upload a new one somewhere; we might not ever see it again. It’s a shame to have lost an episode like this. This is why content creators should always keep a backup copy of their work.

  • SqualrusWalrus

    this is a bummer… i am re-watching every episode and this is the this one I’ve come across like this

  • Syrketrip

    Hey This video won’t load so I can watch Mike say he wants to shove a club up Roland Emmerich’s ass..

  • Clifford T. Hall

    STILL NEEDS TO BE RE-UPLOADED!

  • alvinfox

    It’s back! I’m as excited as Mike’s beer at 16:00!

  • Strong_Bow

    Thanks for re-uploading this guys 🙂

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    potc isn’t a reboot/remake really, it was just inspired by the ride, but it’s not retelling a full text, so in a sense, it was a new and interesting story. if anyone wants to watch the lone ranger, they can watch the whole tv show, no need to see some movie

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    also johnny depp claimed to be native american for a long time and people basically took it for granted up until he made this… and most likely disney paid some native american woman to adopt him so he could say he technically is native american even though his dna tests turned out negative.

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