Half in the Bag: The Visit and Turbo Kid

September 16, 20152,369 Comments

Mike and Jay prepare to make a visit of their own before discussing two new movies, The Visit and Turbo Kid.


Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Bubs

    10 fuckin minutes of spoilers?! FRAUUUUUDS

  • Greg Cravetz

    Post about some real movies, you hack frauds!

  • RLMkeepitup

    M. Night Shalami is a friggin’ genius

  • Percy Gryce

    N. Might Shuckadingdong.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jay didn’t like Kung Fury?! I thought you loved schlock! Unsubscribed!

  • Bubs

    So… you frauds don’t know if Turbo Kid is on Amazon… You don’t know if it’s in theaters… and you’re not sure where to get it.

    Then, my inquisitive mind wonders, where did YOU watch it?
    Could it be somewhere that rhymes with… TitBorrent?

  • They thought they were downloading porn about a guy with premature ejaculation problems.

  • Jay Stein

    I want to see Turbo Kid right now…..

  • disqus_yM0v65NGsr

    Turbo-Kid sounds awesome, but sadly i am way to squeamish for over the top gore… Had nightmares after Hobo with a shotgun -.-

  • Jay Stein

    Yeah a genius of shit

  • Jay Stein

    Grow a sack

  • Palpatine

    Me too. Looks hell of a lot better than Kung Fury.

  • Jay Stein

    Kung Fury just didn’t do it for me in every way

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Kung Fury is beautiful so that’s saying a lot.

  • I really liked the music video. The part of the budget was well spent. And the song itself was so damn catchy.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Jake Loyd played him in that smash hit holiday comedy Jingle all de way!

  • Jay Stein

    Poor Jake, he went Schitzo

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s a woman.

  • Jay Stein

    Well then get a Pussy

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Instead of being one.

  • Palpatine

    I liked Kung Fury, but it looked way too clean and polished to look like an 80’s movie. More practical effects and better characters would’ve been better than constant 80’s jokes and references.

  • Bubs

    We didn’t ask you to talk about fucking Kung Fury. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME BOYHOOD IS.

  • Candysmackers

    Regarding The Visit, I was totally, %100 engaged until the very last scene with the Mom and her feelings. But then again, I was also pretty baked. So yeah… get stoned, kids.

  • Jay Stein

    I prefer loaded weapon 2 for that kind of thing, Kung Pow was alright if you’re high enough

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s an homage rather than Turbo Kid. That is made in that 80’s style.

  • Jay Stein

    I would never get stoned and watch an M. Knight Sham movie. That would be a waste of pot

  • Palpatine

    If they wanted to make it an 80’s movie homage, then they should’ve used practical effects and not gone the Lucas route and filmed the entire thing on a green screen.

  • Candysmackers

    Are you kidding?! The movie would have been much more mediocre if not for the fact that I was stoned. I mean, LIFE is much more mediocre, when I’m not stoned.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Get drunk it works better. I was hammered when I watched The Village for the first time.

  • Are you saying it was an homage to Episode 1?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It wasn’t that type of homage, you’re talking about a film making homage. It is a thematic and idea homage.

  • Palpatine

    Maybe.

  • To be honest you looked drunk when you were on set.

  • Adzl33t

    It’s interesting you guys talk about comedy in two non straight comedic films, though some suspect M Night just call his movie a comedy to avoid criticism

    (Spoiler Alert, the movie would have a better comedic payoff if the kids pointed out how terrible their mother is for not even talking to the people taking care of their children early on directly, like most parents do automatically)

    I would like Turbo Kid, it reminds me of Regular Show.

    Im not gonna watch an M Night until he apologizes for “The Last Airbender” like Joel Schumacher, also WHEN YOU GUYS GONNA REVIEW THE LAST AIRBENDER, I been hyped for that review since around Cop Dog review.

    Don’t forget to review Hotel Transylvania 2, Sandler holding back genius Gennedy Tratavosky

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Everyone was on set, especially that skinny little fuck Jesse.

  • Palpatine

    But it could’ve been more subtle in that department.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well it could’ve if it reached three million on KickStarter.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That Regular Show show thing looks awful.

  • Bubs

    Since when do you need 3 million dollars to make a decent movie? I’ve seen good movies made on a dime budget. Shit, Clerks cost 30,000 and all of it on credit cards.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    So the kids had never seen their grandparents before? Not even a picture? Seems like the grandparents’ farm has the internets… they never had a conversation with their grandkids over Skype or something? I haven’t seen the movie, but I hope there’s some explanation for this.

  • Adzl33t

    For a gag short movie with such a limit budget, I would give them leeway, however I would have prefer an Hand Draw animated short with vhs filter instead, like Super Turbo Ninja Rabbit, which would make the cheapness less glaring https://vimeo.com/thelineanimation/stanr

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Kung Fury was an awesome short film, short. But if you look at all those huge things the guys behind it wanted to do they could only reach it with the time they had with that money. And movies are hard as shit to make. Look at Space Cop.

  • Jay Stein

    I thought the same thing. What a WEAK premise for a non- horror “film”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Stop asking completely logical questions.

  • Palpatine

    Of course Sandler would waste the talents of someone like Tratavosky.

  • Adzl33t
  • Wizard Phoenix

    While you guys watched thoughtful little nostalgic movies I tortured myself by watching Smosh The Movie….no I am not joking.

  • Adzl33t

    Gennedy should be working on Samurai Jack the movie or Star Wars, along with Brad Bird, and Greg Weisman, to make the greatest Star Wars movie ever

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Kung Fury was fine on a technical level. That’s it. I didn’t find It funny, or particularly clever (outside of how well it was done visually).

  • Why the fuck would you do such a thing?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I wanted to laugh at it and I could not. It is so pathetic that it started to hurt.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Are you telling me they don’t explain this at all?

  • Adzl33t

    They have a terrible mother that doesn’t bother checking in who taking care of them, despite most parents would automatically talk to the people taking care of them

  • Palpatine

    I was more of a Dexter’s Lab fan growing up.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I guess they can go with “it’s a movie” excuse.

  • What a twist!

  • Adzl33t

    Im still mad at “The Last Airbender”

  • Palpatine

    Everyone is.

  • Adzl33t

    I owned the GBC game, that was one of fav shows growing up

  • Yes. This.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    M. Night isn’t.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Is the mother the in-law, or the daughter, of the supposed grandparents the kids are sent to? Is it established that the mom and her in-laws don’t get along at all, which would explain why she wouldn’t want to talk with them?

  • Smosh has to be the worst YouTube channel ever… I don’t even.

  • Palpatine

    Seriously?

  • Domo

    I really want a BMX bike after watching this episode.

    M. Night Shyamalan really knows how to take advantage of 80s nostalgia.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes…it is worse than Adam Sandler believe or not. I wanted to shut the movie off and I wanted ear plugs.

  • Percy Gryce

    Now they’re sold out of the mugs? What is it with these mugs? Are they like Madonna concert tickets or something?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They’re the opposite of a Cher concert tickets.

  • Palpatine

    Unlike the mom in Jurassic World who kept calling her hot sister to make sure her kids were okay.

  • Adzl33t

    So…. that’s friggen petty, the kids could have lied about the Grandparents, murder them, rob their house, but as long the kids say everything is fine, the mother won’t know, but that doesn’t usually happens because Parents don’t trust their own kids very much, and would just listen to other adults taking care of them

    This is the MOST BASIC AND EASIEST THING all competent parents do, beside she had to talk to the grandparents to set up the kids going over to their house

  • Percy Gryce

    Exactly because I didn’t get no Cher concert tickets, but I did get a mug.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s a movie. Get over it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Also no one wants to go to Cher concerts.

  • Domo
  • Jay Stein

    Wow, I’m super frustrated that we basically have NO way to watch Turbo Kid right now, and who knows when we will be able too. Fuck I’m bummed out…

  • Percy Gryce

    Hey, who censored me?

  • Adzl33t

    Not until M Night apologizes for Airbender,

    also I don’t mind the twist… if it had a comedic payoff, like the kids pointing their mother neglectful actions, which M Night try to present the movie as a comedy, but does not understand structure for gags that much

  • Percy Gryce

    Michael Ironsides looks like Brian Keith. I mean, where are post-apocalyptic Buffy and Jody?

  • Domo

    Well, you can rent it on iTunes and Amazon, but it’s $7.00.

    Might as well buy the movie at that price.

  • Jay Stein

    You mean from Family Affair?!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That movie is so sexist. Everyone got hung up on the high heels debacle, but Claire spends half the movie on a sweaty, body-hugging, tight, stretchy tank top.

  • Percy Gryce

    Are you in a furrin’ country–or God’s country, the good ol’ U. S. & A.?

  • Domo

    Nick Nolte could be a post-apocalyptic Santa Claus if needed. And he wouldn’t even need a fake comedy beard!

  • Jay Stein

    Yeah I can see it. R.I.P. He sadly killed himself. Brian Keith X

  • Palpatine

    I don’t see anything wrong with that.

  • Jay Stein

    He’s a nasty man

  • Adzl33t

    Colin probably understand women worst than George Lucas, at least Lucas wrote Leia pretty well as a female character and not as a sexy lamp

  • Percy Gryce

    I’m not talking about pornography. I’m talking about wholesome family entertainment.

  • Jay Stein

    I’m Murkan

  • Jay Stein

    I don’t like pron so, hell yeah!

  • Adzl33t

    I think he’s being sarcastic

  • Will Allman

    You can also see Turbo Kid at this years Knoxville Horror Film Festival! http://www.knoxvillehorrorfest.com/

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The film and most of their content is immature parody. This isn’t a segment of the film but they made a horrible video I think called “If Video Games Were Real” and one of the games they choose Mass Effect. It was at this point I understood that they do not understand humor or parody. First off if your title is “If Video Games Were Real” you can choose games who have a very realistic reality. Do Sonic or Mario or cartoonish shit, not Mass Effect. Second in the video they give Shepard two dialogue options: stop the Reapers or bang this hot chick. The problems are is that the Reapers are not the only threat in the game, second the chick talking to not Shepard is not from the games, third there are more than two options than just stop the enemy and/or fuck a hot chick, fourth it’s sexist, and fifth it’s not parody. If it was parody they would make fun of the Mako or the underacting of the MaleShep’s actor or make fun of the horrible ending. But no they clearly have never played the game and just heard of it so they decide to mock it. So, maggit, imagine a whole movie like this.

  • Adzl33t

    I thought more human Darkseid of DCAU

  • Percy Gryce

    Well, then give Jeff Bezos your money and watch the damn movie.

  • The horror. The horror.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    100th

    I’m an ass.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Like Eloise Cole’s pain?

  • Give Bezos your pesos.

  • Jay Stein

    Tennesee is about 1700 miles from Colorado, and I would have to ride my bicycle there, so…no

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And I saw it.

  • Domo

    It says 4 comments to me.

    I think you’re a Goddamn liar.

  • Jay Stein

    link please

  • Who are you again?

  • Palpatine

    Plinkett’s cat stole her pain.

  • Percy Gryce
  • Domo

    And where did you come from?

    Where…are your pants?!

  • Jay Stein

    It’s funny I just recently lost both of my parents and Eloise was really no help at all

  • Adzl33t

    No, Airbender is more like Star Wars Episode 1

  • Jay Stein

    Thank you!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Including your grandfather/father?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I was doing like a thing, but I actually remember people complaining that she was “too dressed”, early on in the movie, to be working in a tropical island. Like people that live in the tropic go to work in swimsuits, or something. She worked inside an air-conditioned office building, why would she be in a bikini? She wasn’t a park ranger or a tour guide.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have a pair of pantaloons for you to wear. They are stylish.

  • m.youtube.com/watch?v=GmFp0I8AZqw

  • Jay Stein

    Yes, he was definitely a perv. That’s why I’m a flipper baby. I type with my…well you know

  • Jay Stein

    Now I’m a happy little flipper baby

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You were looked up to a turtle?

  • Palpatine

    It’s shown that film takes place in the winter, so it’s probably not 100+ degrees on the island, so it figures she would dress more comfortably.

  • RLMkeepitup

    did you try all the websites Mike recommended?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You should try spinning, that’s a good trick.

  • Jay Stein

    Actually I was mistaken for a sea turtle and spent twenty years in the zoo making friends with the otters and seals and the female chimps

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Haven’t seen that one. Or After Earth. Or Lady in the Water. Sadly, I’ve seen the rest of Shamalmadams filmography. Including Wide Awake.

  • Man, the Professional is still an enjoyable flick.

  • FiachSidhe

    Wait Plinkett’s house is on a mountain? Jesus, this series is like Lost. You miss an episode and all of sudden polar bears and Plinkett mountain house.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    PornHub has a lot of movies. He should try that.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m not sure about Costa Rica, but where I live, in the tropics, there are no “seasons”. The weather stays more or less the same the entire year, except there are some months where it rains more than others, unless it’s a El Niño year, or a La Niña year which makes it rain more, or droughts to be worse.

    edit: VERY similar to Costa Rica.

  • Jay Stein
  • Latmey

    The TRUE macro-aggression here is the outrageous price of your t-shirts! 30 dollars for this junk? #sensiblepriceshaming you con artist FUCKS.

    Good video all around though.

  • Jay Stein

    It’s the Murkan way

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Brainiac will show up and wrastle polar bears.

  • That’s hackfrauds to you.

  • Domo

    Plot twist: the mountain is really a once dormant volcano! Plinkett eats one too many cans of baked beans and hardware store nuts, causing a seismic shift on the ground beneath him.

    Mount Saint Plinkett will go down in the history books for killing thousands of Milwaukee residents.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Eloise Cole is my favorite horror monster.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You aren’t just buying a t-shirt, you are financing Space Cop and alcoholism.

  • Yes.

  • Adzl33t

    I only mad that movie because it’s a terrible adaptation of one of my fav shows, M Night other movies to me are goofy schlock he made for himself, which Im ok with

  • Mostly the latter, though. Jack is doing the post production for free. He needs to build his portfolio.

  • My ex wife
  • Hank_Henshaw

    They couldn’t even name it “Avatar”. Who cares? It’s like Man of Steel, that’s not a “Superman” movie…. but Superman Returns is…. and Superman III….. and IV: Quest for Peace. Shit.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    An Ass. I already said so. You listen as well as my 5th wife.

  • Adzl33t

    Im so sorry

  • Domo

    Holy shit! Mike’s gloves are the same gloves from the beginning of the BOTW episode where Jay and Wizard feature Robo C.H.I.C.!

    I’m not crazy! I swear! Why would you think that? This isn’t weird at all!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have a feeling unlike my ex girlfriend Anne your husband is probably a cardboard cut out of some well known actor.

  • Adzl33t

    Jay is so sarcastic and aloof that I don’t think he gives a shit about old people, I mean he screws over Plinkett

  • Adzl33t

    It’s probably a loli fan favorite movie 😛

  • Captain Turbo

    What happens if you cross The Visit with The Happening?

  • Adzl33t

    We can’t handle that

  • Latmey

    Jay’s sugar daddies can finance his coconut rum. Is there any way that I can directly donate toward a Space Cop sex scene featuring Rich Evans and a Darth Vader head toaster?

  • FIRST…ooooooooooohhhh.

  • Percy Gryce

    I’ll allow it.

  • Mulch Aiken

    http://www.npr.org/sections/money/2015/09/11/439632877/episode-650-the-scariest-thing-in-hollywood

    Mike, Jay! Listen to this podcast about Blumhouse! You guys are right about Shyamalan being advised to make a very cheap movie. Blumhouse’s whole M.O. is to give fallen Hollywood directors a shoestring budget to redeem themselves with movies like these!

  • Adzl33t

    More badass than lazy purple Josh Brolin

  • Jean-François Martel

    i’m a proud supporter of M. Night Shayamalan-shaming personally

  • Uncle Dan

    Did you guys see the original short Turbo Kid was based on?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBL0vPheNwM

    Anyway, I bet Len Kabasinski loves Turbo Kid. He said he loves post-apocalyptic 80s B-movies.

    Agreed regarding Kung Fury. It worked as a 3 minute trailer, but 30 minutes was way too long to keep telling the same joke.

  • Uncle Dan
  • Jean-François Martel

    The Visit sounds like M. Night’s attempt to make his own The Taking of Deborah Logan

  • The Summer of George

    The Visiting?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You can tell the short was made by Europeans. There’s several obvious pointers, like all the French surnames, but also the downbeat ending. The American version of the short would’ve allowed the hero and the girl to survive.

  • You have to go out more. See other people. Uhm, get a life?

  • Uncle Dan

    It’s actually Quebecois.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oh. Well, kinda French, I didn’t expect that. I mean, I thought there was a chance if could be French Canadian, but it felt like it was more likely to be actually French-French.

  • Cher’s lawyers.

  • Uncle Dan

    The filmmakers are all from Quebec, from what I’ve read. And after you know that, the bleak grey landscape makes so much more sense, haha.

  • Jay Stein

    Awesome! The end of the short was a joke. He sploded because of plasma semen

  • Jay Stein

    #Sham-Shaming

  • Jay Stein

    Which failed miserably in this case

  • Jay Stein

    They Happened to Visit?

  • Commander X

    In sort of related news I read my way through the first half of, uh, noted internet reviewer Moviebob’s book…though it’s not so much a book as it is a window into the mind of a man who is afflicted with a lifelong obsession that one can’t laugh at because it’s just that tragic.

  • Jay Stein

    I knew it! Michael Ironside is Canadian! That explains the Scanner and Turbo Kid connection….It doesn’t explain Colin though

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did you know Colin is the Jared Leto of visual effects artists?

  • Jay Stein

    Word

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yo

  • Jay Stein

    Oh my God…I want to gouge my testes out!

    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_visit_2015/

  • The Ghost

    Happy to hear that “The Visit” was – at the very least – a presentable film. I’ve gotten awfully tired of all the Shyamalan Shaming. The Shyamelaning. The Shananananananananananana.

    I’m going back to Tumblr now, later guys.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *make wine out of my testes

  • Jay Stein

    No that’s Dinero-Agression

  • Jay Stein

    Seriously though. The Visit is “Fresh”?

  • Jay Stein

    #Sham-Shaming

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wet Hot American Summer is “Rotten”

  • Domo

    Hey Palpatine, is your toaster better than the toaster Mike wants to get?

    Does your toaster have changeable Star Wars plates for your toasted goods? Can I get one piece of toast with a tie fighter, and another one with Slave Leia on it? Is that possible?

  • Mr Flibble

    You fucks making fun of virginal man children, I laughed so hard that I dropped my Darth Vader Toaster on the floor setting fire to my “May the floors be with you” Obi Wan rug and causing the fire to spread to my Jar Jar Binks Waifu Pillow. Keep the jokes about those losers coming guys!

  • Palpatine

    Why would I want a toaster of the guy who threw me down the mineshaft?

  • Mike has lost his marbles. Hope everything goes well on mt Everest.

  • Domo

    Why would you Not?!

  • Palpatine

    Did your Jabba the Hutt bean bag chair catch fire?

  • Pop Rivets

    They should have said in the title that this episode was guest starring Jeff Goldblum.

  • Commander X

    Who can forget his most seminal work in the early 1990s. Of course I am talking about his commericals for Labatt Maximum Ice:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNTmHfCvnYc

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    hm, I’m reticent to see turbo kid due to the annoying manic pixie dream girl character… I thought kung fury was a fun little short. dunno how much it cost, though.

  • Palpatine

    That would be awesome!

  • thatdouchewhodontlikeyourplaye

    After all the time spent watching this video I’ve come to one conclusion and one conclusion only: Mike is clearly not drunk enough to climb Mount Everest.

  • Palpatine

    He should be. Alcohol keeps your blood warm.

  • Pop Rivets

    I thought that the twist in “The Visit” would be that the kids escape their crazy grandparents at the end of the second act, then laughing mother shows up, and the children overhear their her shouting at their grandparents that she expected them to have already killed her children by then, and that she (the mother) drove all that way to bury the bodies.

    The horror in the first two acts would have been that the children were trapped with lunatics who could harm them without really meaning to, then the mother, whose evil was conscious and intentional would be a disturbing finale.

  • Michael Collins

    Jay sounded a little bit resentful of Kung Fury’s success, hope he gets over himself.

    Turbo Kid looks like it should be a laugh..

  • He’s right though. Kung Fury wasn’t good. Hasselhoff’s song was.

  • Palpatine

    But Hasselhoff also brought us this gem:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

  • Pop Rivets

    Hey, Palpy, don’t mess with the Hoff. He already brought one eil empire to its knees. Don’t give him reason to go after yours:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zXiClnK8oE

  • instant relief

    Yes, he freed ze poor germans with the power of song!

  • He still did better than preisident Sarkozy.

  • Michael Collins

    You are wrong, Kung Fury was good…for what it was.

  • Jay Stein

    No it wasn’t

  • Michael Collins

    It was so..

  • Pop Rivets

    How would you know? You’ve been dead for almost a century.

  • Michael Collins

    Like Hitler?

  • Pop Rivets

    More like Arthur Griffith.

  • Palpatine

    Why does he seem resentful?

  • Jay Stein

    A French guy directed it what do you expect….. a real French guy no less, not some hack fraud Canadian French guy…

  • Michael Collins

    His tone, and the way he moans about it raising $600,000 on kickstarter.

  • Jay Stein

    Wasn’t it $60,000?

  • Michael Collins

    No clue, in the show Jay says 600.000..

  • Palpatine

    *$69,000

  • Jay Stein

    You have no soul…

  • Jay Stein

    $600,000 fucking dollars for that crap?

  • Palpatine

    Jack and Jill cost around $60,000,000 to make.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It wasn’t good it was amazing.

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    because I prefer fully developed female characters or because I enjoyed kung fury?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *slaps you* HOW DARE YOU COMPARE THIS TO ELIZABETH TOWN!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Every rest I believe it is pronounced.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The “subtle” foreshadowing for the next Half in The Bag is wonderfully awful.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The prequel with Arnold didn’t sell on the movie all that much.

  • Palpatine

    Jeez, I never knew Kung Fury had so many fans. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You compared Turbo Kid to Elizabeth Town. You have no soul.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    At least they’re not this kid

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3QE3HcjNkE

  • RLMkeepitup

    more embarrassing than the star wars kid video, the latter involved effort.

  • Palpatine

    Fuck that fat retard.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • RLMkeepitup

    yes because I used to do worse things, like re-enacting the velociraptor scenes from JP and pretending to be a blue hedgehog, I just didn’t have the forethought to awkwardly film it and become infamous.

  • instant relief

    This video is a new low for the gay rights movement!

  • instant relief

    It was fun, but got a little boring by the end.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I thought Crash winning Best Picture was that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “You’re my ex wife”

  • Raaaaawr

    *fart*

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • RLMkeepitup

    that’s odd cause it looks stinky

  • Jean-François Martel

    #Shayaming

  • RLMkeepitup

    the director of this film is a genius we can all agree on that

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He made The Last Airbender, the best fantasy film since Highlander 2.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did you create Sonichu too?

  • Kung Fury made me smirk once. What a complete and utter failure.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Says the person with profile pic of an overrated movie.

  • I also thought that Kung Fury was boring(i still managed to enjoy few bits, and it was visually interesting, but it mostly failed at being entertaining to me.. probably because i dont do cocaine..).. but you got me really interested in that Turbo kid movie.

  • Percy Gryce

    Spoilers!

  • Percy Gryce

    Umm, you may have gone too far in a few places.

  • junkevil

    that kid is an apt representation of the average star wars fan though.

  • RLMkeepitup

    no that’s a different chris and a whole ‘nother level of cringe apparently.

  • Palpatine

    Since Jay didn’t care for Kung Fury, I figured he would like this more:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YKJh5e2aVbs

  • Robert Z’Dario

    I liked Kung Fury, but I understand the criticisms of it. I do think it’s a little unfair to compare Kung Fury to Turbo Kid, though. Kung Fury is 30 minutes long while Turbo Kid is 3 times that length. Anyway, Turbo Kid is great. I saw it in the theater.

  • Cerwiggle

    Looks like Mike has been spending the patreon money on crack again

  • RLMkeepitup

    are you going to halloween horror nights? Freddy’s gonna be there this year.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t like it when people jump out at me.

  • RLMkeepitup

    1, 2 freddys comin for you 3,4 better lock yer door.. that song is right up there with the creepy amityville theme

  • Palpatine

    The Amityville Horror actually scares me.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s the truth.

  • instant relief

    He’s an addict. Don’t judge him.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What is wrong with your face?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Please, Mike does meth.

  • instant relief

    I just watched Turbo Kid and it was okayish. 6 gnome sticks outta 10. The relationship between the main characters was sweet, the gore was awesome as well as the 80s synthie score, but it was also quite boring in parts.

  • instant relief

    Don’t meth with meth!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Milla Jovovich with the thwords.

  • Palpatine

    Mike does krokodil. Don’t Google that for God’s sake.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What the fuck, Frank? Where did you learn of this?!

  • instant relief

    His name is Frank Palpatine?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “I must be Frank, your majesty”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Because Ryan Reynolds has better abs than you or the shitty filmmaking?

  • Like Icare

    Nah… Mike is too fat to be using such a drug.

    He’s clearly on a more “snack inducing” drug, like pot.

    http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tv/image/1416/92/1416921321245.gif

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Eating the poster of a shitty pretentious piece of shit indie movie is a drug?

  • Like Icare

    No, pot is.

  • instant relief
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Pot is good as long as it means we can destroy every couple of Jeff Who Lives At Home.

  • Like Icare

    Well… most of that should be counted as bribes.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They weren’t. It all went to Adam Sandler’s wallet.

  • Palpatine

    I know a guy. From Russia. Where the drug originates. I think he’s dead.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    The original with James Brolin and Lois Lane you fuck!

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, he’s dead. They found his body in an abandoned building in the city of Novosibirsk.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh that one…I don’t like it. It might have to do with the fact the story is more fake than Kim Kardashian’s ass

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Here’s a joke: Shyamalan was nominated for Best Director once!

  • Palpatine

    For what?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Sixth Sense.

  • Palpatine

    The only good film he made besides the one with Samuel L. Jackson.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah. No denying that.

  • Palpatine

    Which one were you in again?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Signs and The Village…

  • Palpatine

    Oh yeah. Does Bryce Dallas Howard wear a tank top at any point during The Village?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No she didn’t, not even on set.

  • Palpatine

    Aw. Screw you Shyamalan!

  • I’m only a guest

    Did I hear Mike say he was 48 years old?

  • Palpatine

    You heard right.

  • Like Icare

    Jeff is a couple now? Cloning? Temporal paradox? Twins?

  • Like Icare

    That’s the key to his cunning plot. There’s no law against bribing yourself.

    I don’t even know what that means.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Copy whatever, let’s destroy this movie and I’ll forgive you for hating Lord of The Rings and liking the Jungle Book trailer.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah but these two are hammered basically everyday.

  • Palpatine

    Is Shyamalan comparable to George Lucas, or is that an unfair thing to say?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It is. Out of all more modern filmmakers that have lost their edge only one has come near the George Lucas level of fraud and yes-men.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hold on The Visit stole the twist of a Spongebob episode.

  • Palpatine

    It’s sad really considering that Shyamalan can make good things.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    In The Village she dresses like a Quaker, like Padme in Episode II… or is it III?

  • Palpatine

    Which episode?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The one when Patrick’s parents come over and it turns out they’re not his parents at all and we’re pretending to be them.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Aren’t those drugs supposed to make you lose weight?

  • Palpatine

    Episode III. All I can say is thank God for Colin Trevorow.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He did not progress to quote Adam Sandler.

  • I’m only a guest

    I don’t think so. THE VILLAGE was one of the most disappointing things I’ve ever experienced, and he just got worse and worse after that.

    Yes, I did like SIGNS.

  • Palpatine

    Except that was intended to be funny.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t see anything wrong with liking Signs.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Signs should’ve ended when they are in the basement.

  • I’m only a guest

    what, so you’re saying it should’ve been a cliff hanger? Like THE THING?

  • Markham

    I’ve heard that movies like Grandma’s House and Rabid Grannies might fit the “old people as monsters” description. Then there’s all those “psycho-biddy” movies from the 60s, but their villains are mostly just in their fifties or sixties.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yup. Did we really need to know what aliens wanted, or what their weakness was? Or what was Mel’s wife intended message at death’s door? It was a family drama in the midst of an alien invasion. The whole thing with the water and the baseball bat was unnecessary.

  • Palpatine

    Crazy Fat Ethel 2 would also be in that category of film.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If The Thing was to be released today, some studio exec would’ve demanded to have the movie end with a search team finding MacReady and Childs, and possibly Childs turning out to be The Thing… completely ruining the ambiguity of the ending.

  • Palpatine

    That’s one of the reasons I don’t care for most alien invader films. We never know what they want and they’re defeated in dumbest ways.

  • I’m only a guest

    Well, so could Lucas, once upon a time.

    As human beings I think the two are pretty different, but as creators of film they have similarities. Both have, I think, a marked degree of stupidity in their storytelling. M Night is the more talented of the two and is better able to evoke emotion. But he’s also more full of himself. Both rationalized their decisions, but I bet M Night believed in himself more and that makes him dumber.

  • I’m only a guest

    I’m sure you’re right.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    He was probably born around 37-38 years ago, but mentally he might be around 60. So, 48 sounds about right as an average.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You know, I was thinking. The T-rex and the raptor died in the next few days after the fight with the I-Rex. T-rex died from septic shock because of infected open woulds, and the raptor from internal hemorrhages because she was thrown against that concrete column.

  • Like Icare

    Can’t really say I “liked” the Jungle Book trailer… just that it looks “entertaining”.
    It is well crafted for the masses familiar with the earlier versions and it is loaded with “excitement” for everyone else.

    Trouble is, I don’t see those things that work so well there in the trailer, working in the movie as well.

  • I’m only a guest

    To elaborate (I accidentally posted early) Lucas strikes me as a guy who deep down has some reservations about the story he wants to tell. He plays with ideas and characters and themes and tries to come up with something that both feels right AND that will sell tickets/toys. Eventually, time forces him to make a decision and for most of his later career (the prequels), those choices turned out to be wrong, underdeveloped, poorly thought out, in some cases downright silly, etc.

    Shyamalan, on the other hand, charges right into his script heart first and doesn’t stop to listen to any doubt whatsoever. This managed to work with his first three films (maybe because he had more studio influence, maybe he had less overall confidence, I’m sure there are a few reasons) but eventually his films became emotional messes. They want to “wow” and be moving and be funny and they don’t really pull any of those things off (post SIGNS, which I liked despite its crazy ending).

  • Doc Brown.

    this comment section is so fucked up.

  • Mark Bisone

    I wouldn’t quite lump in “Signs” with the rest of Shamwow’s horrible flops. Not a great flick by any measure, but it had genuine moments of tension and, at times, a bit of real heart. It was an offbeat, somewhat ramshackle story about faith and paranoia, with mostly acceptable-to-good performances from the principals. “I am insane with anger” might be the best line M. Night ever wrote.

    But the rest of the stuff you guys threw up on the screen? Yeah, they are some of the worst stinkers on record. I don’t think I laughed more derisively at any modern film as I did at “Lady in the Water”, or found more upside-down joy in one as I did in “The Happening.”

    I confess I’m a little bit disappointed that his latest flick wasn’t entirely terrible. When I saw the trailer I was hoping for some bestworst miracle of a bad flick. I still hold out hope that he can someday make a timeless disaster that we’ll all enjoy, before he sex-hangs himself in a closet.

  • instant relief

    Why?

  • I’m only a guest

    I don’t agree.

    I think the story DID demand that we know some of those things. The build up to the flashback where his wife dies was intentional, and Graham’s relationships were the heart of the story. Both times he tells his kids their birth stories I thought were weird, yes, but they were also touching, and I remember being riveted when he talks to Morgan as the aliens are banging around outside the house.

    As far as the ending goes; it is crazy. And it sort of feels like he cheats a little. Would Merril really need to be “told” to swing the bat? Wouldn’t the aliens have some safeguard against water? Why did this particular alien stay behind when the rest all left? These are inevitable questions that a reasonable person might ask…

    …but the coincidences are genuine and do make sense. Morgan having asthma prevents the poison from going into his lungs. Bo leaving her fucking water everywhere makes it easier to kill the alien, and Merril swinging the bat is what arguably saves them all. The only stretch is that Graham needs to “see” the bat on the wall in order to get the ball rolling – but then you could argue that they are all kind of frozen in shock.

    The ending worked for me. I understand it’s not for everyone. And I understand that those people hate Mel Gibson and have small, black hearts.

  • Doc Brown.

    the comments are so weird.

  • I’m only a guest

    It could be worse. You could be seeing long threads about Russia and Communism.

    I’m not kidding.

  • instant relief

    That’s not true!

  • bleurgh

    Signs is awfully contrived and has far too much of Shymalans character, also the twist is totally illogical and destroys the movie for me. The Village on the other hand is a good, not great movie.

  • Mark Bisone

    “The Village” is a good movie?

  • TapewormBike

    Care to elaborate? You can find serious religious and political disputes under a video of puppies playing on Youtube. If people having in-jokes and straying off topic get you off balance, you might be a tad sensitive.

  • TapewormBike

    Bruce Willis was the key to this…

  • bleurgh

    It’s better than fucking Signs. What a garbage movie.

  • Mark Bisone

    I think you are confusing the word “contrived” with “contrivance.” All films are “contrived”, in the sense that they are written, filmed and edited. A “plot contrivance” is different, in that it inserts information for the sole purpose of making some illogical event seem less so.

    A great example comes straight from your “good” film. Remember when Bill Hurt leads Blind Dallas-Howard to the “The Shed That Shall Not Be Entered” to show her the big secret that the monsters aren’t real. The reason was to reassure her on her dangerous mission to “the towns.” This being the case, why did he immediately tell her that the elders’ lies about monsters were based on historical accounts of similar creatures?

    The answer is contrivance. By nonsensically planting that idea, M. Knight could then film a “tense” scene in which a blind woman could be pursued by the Adrian Retard character in full monster-garb, for the sole purpose of creating artificial, dumb-as-nails doubt in the audience during the climax. Blindy can’t even see this monster, but thanks to Hurt’s inexplicable history lesson, she is needlessly terrified, and we are supposed to be, too.

    There are many, many more such trite contrivances in “The Village”, which was properly sent to the critic’s boneyard. Some say that “Signs” was the beginning of the end for Shymalan, and I think that’s maybe halfway true. But “The Village” was like an origin story for a comic book villain; the experiment that blew up in his face and left him horribly scarred.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is because of the old people jokes we make? By the way how does any one work with Christopher Lloyd anymore? He must be wearing depends by now.

  • bleurgh

    Mels dying wife blabbering a long series of information that would all directly relate to the films climax is practically the definition of contrived. Also, google the definition for contrived. It says ‘deliberately created rather than arising naturally or spontaneously’. Great movies are the latter not the former. The father character telling the girl the myth was based on real legends is so that once she returns he can still scare her out of leaving the village again. It makes sense, in that he’s trying to convince her the immediate threat she was afraid of doesn’t exist, but it plants the idea that it could exist, so she is at least wary of leaving again.

  • Mark Bisone

    Mel’s blabbering wife is the worst part of that film, granted.

    Bill Hurt’s diatribe to Blind Hurt in the Shed of Secrets was shamefully stupid and gratuitous. It only served the dumb purpose of stretching out a movie that was already over, and whose secrets weren’t only spoiled (for the barely perceptive viewer) in the first act, but which had already been spoiled by the plot in motion.

    We, the audience, already KNOW that the monsters aren’t real. Who gives a fuck what Hurt’s ultimate plans might be? The cadence of that scene, intended to imply a “real” monster hunt, is completely out of air by the time it actually shows up. What we’re left with i pure hokum, with lots of breathy noises and feints, ending ridiculously. In many ways, “The Village” was even shittier than “The Happening”, particularly since the latter had the advantage of being funny-bad. Hurt & Co. were boring-bad… the worst sin of all.

  • Groth1175

    Turbo Kid is playing Sept 20-21 at the Rio in Vancouver for anyone in that area.

  • I’ve seen it only once in the cinema. I kind of enjoyed it. The ending was kind of week. Sort of like ‘it was all a dream’ bullshit.

  • Marvin Falz

    That’s impossible!

  • Marvin Falz

    No wait. That’s no moon. *facepalm*

  • Marvin Falz

    True dat. But I’m with Jay on this one: can we just skip that?

  • Marvin Falz

    That’ not bribing yourself, it’s a method of self-motivation.

  • Milton Dammers

    This review felt more like cynical planning for a sequel episode, than an episode by itself, you fucking hack frauds!

  • John Bigbootay

    I’m getting a slight mad genius vibe off of Mike in this one.

  • John Bigbootay

    I liked The Village. The romance at the heart of the story was inspired and even beautiful at times. They were both unusually interesting characters.

  • Earth

    GREAT SCOTT!

  • Milton Dammers

    The best M. Night Shamalbadans film is Stuart Little.

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    RLM learned about microagressions from Rich Evans Racist-gate

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    M Night Scamalot can go suck a bag of dicks.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    TUESDAY!!!!!!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You apologize to George.

  • Earth

    Now I’m wondering if Mike actually has seen Turbo.

  • I don’t even know what this means. I only wish to say that Donald Trump is going to be the best president in the history in the United States. Lincoln will be forgotten! What a looser!

  • Earth
  • Earth

    For a second there I thought “The Visit” was the new sign on the front of the Lightning Fast VCR Repair store.

    It even has a pizza slice at the end of the text.

  • HEY! That’s not a laugh, this is a laugh.

    https://youtu.be/K4eEJPZy9sc?t=1m2s

  • Aw gawd. This is worse than Shamanabanana.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91kVLImFJWI

  • Dido.

  • Who do they think they are Rick Berman Johnny Depp wearing funny hats?

  • Like Icare

    I get a vibe of incompetence and “failure to understand” from George.
    In a sense that he lacks the understanding of what was it that made his movies great and successful.
    Like he’s someone who lucked out with his original works, with available talent and generally someone who profited immensely from simply being at the right place at the right time.

    M. Night leaves me with a feeling of a borderline mentally ill person.
    Or someone with some serious unresolved religious fascinations which influence his logic to the point that the story he is trying to tell no longer makes sense to the audience which does not think in those same leaps of reason.
    As if it is more real to him. As if he sees it not as a movie but an event he personally lived through.

  • Michael Collins

    Just watched Turbo Kid, it was ok, enjoyed it overall, but it could have been better, especially in the comedy department..

  • instant relief

    That’s homophobic!

  • tOmy`

    Jeremy Clarkson and co’s new Top Gear show on Amazon Prime might genuinely be called ‘Gear Knobs’

  • tOmy`

    That’s right, Susan!

  • tOmy`

    I liked the visuals. And some of the jump scares / tension moments were pretty good.

  • instant relief

    It’s always tuesday, Mad Max!

  • playdude92 .

    I didn´t think the wall scratching was scary. I actually laughed, cause horror filmmakers seem to have this common simplistic language for making people appear scary. I can only imagine Sham-alan got this idea from his cat.

  • tOmy`

    Meh, it was fine with me. It looked creepy, sounded creepy, was shot in a creepy way.

    Profit.

  • instant relief

    *Turbo Dik

  • Michael Collins

    That’s more like it, you ever consider being a writer for the movies?

  • tOmy`

    I let these frauds spoil The Visit for me, cuz I honestly can’t be arsed, so now I know. And yet again it seems like Shamajlama delivered the typical combination of interesting premise, creepy moments, not well handled twist and some sort of misunderstanding of the movie he is making.

    So when we know that, let’s assume Shamajlama was just doing scripts or / and adviser and let someone else create the movie – possibly by instantly cutting off last 8 pages of script. Now I do believe that Happening is literally beyond repair, but Signs and Village could have been “saved” by this. Someone with a different vision, clearer ideas and maybe a less obvious way of executing things, who at the same time tells Shamajlama to do the creepy shit, could have delivered much better movies based on the same premise.

    I especially think that is the case of Village, because despite the twist being a bit… cult classic of punchlines, it wasn’t totally bad. And the rest of the movie was fine.

  • You make that sound like it’s a bad thing.

  • Why not go for Knob Shaft instead? I mean they’ve always aimed at being balls-to-the-wall.

  • tOmy`

    Also, speaking of horror premises, I let my friend spoil Goodnight Mommy for me and I think that is one twist for the books. But then I saw the ratings… and I kinda gave up on checking it. Was anyone here brave enough to check it out?

  • JAGUART

    After The Sixth Sense, I was a huge M. Night Shyamalan fan. Then after Unbreakable I felt that he could be the next Hitchcock with Bruce Willis as his Cary Grant/ James Stewart. Then it went all downhill from there. Very disappointing because he has such talent as a director.

  • instant relief

    I send in some scripts, but I never got an answer for some reason.

  • Eh, Bane was never a great character to begin with.

  • instant relief

    Yeah. I’ll never understand why he made it to the big screen twice and so many other great villains get no love.

  • Yeah. Like Egghead or his Asian cousin Egg Fu.

  • instant relief

    Still better than Christoper Nolan’s take on Two Face.

  • instant relief

    If Omi were here he’d beat some sense into Andrew. With his proudly erect cock! *salutes with cock* *wipes tear off face with cock*

  • Press ‘O’ to suck.

  • instant relief

    Press (_x_) to insert cock.

  • instant relief

    Bruce Willis mentioned in the same sentence as Cary Grant and James Stewart is so wrong.

  • Palpatine

    For those of you who have seen The Visit, what did the grandpa do to the kid that Mike didn’t want to spoil?

  • Uncle Sporkums

    #Cuckooforcocoapuffsshaming

  • TapewormBike

    I have no problem with that sentence unless it has “anallingus” in it.

  • You earthlings can do that with your… “Wonka-bars”? He problably living a good finnish life. I’m sure Omi is stalking keeping himself updated with… er, you know people…

    https://instagram.com/jaybauman1/

  • Earth
  • tOmy`

    Well, fuck you, people. Let that be known that tOmy` tried talking about movies before inevitably falling down the music rabbit hole.

  • JAGUART

    It was more of an analogy than a direct comparison. But I thought Bruce Willis did some great work in Unbreakable and Sixth Sense and that M. Nights films were better for that collaboration.

  • RLMkeepitup

    the exorcism of emily rose used it ten years ago, i’m sure there’s others

  • Did ‘doc’ take you back to the Baroque era or am I terribly out of touch?

  • Earth

    George Carlin took me with the phone box. We punched Bach in the face while there.

  • Well, he is both a d*** and an as***le. Perfect name for that ******** knob ******** ***** packing ******** ********** ******* nazi ****************!!!!
    I HATE HIM!

  • instant relief

    I was expecting some free booze.

  • Not with these frauds.

  • Palpatine

    Someone should make a Pokemon hack where you play as Rich.

  • Bubs

    Would you guys want to play a video game based on Red Letter Media? What kind of video game would it be (RTS, FPS, RPG, etc.)?

  • Palpatine

    I suggested below that someone should make a Pokemon hack where you play as Rich Evans.

  • JAGUART

    Like South Park the Stick of Truth.

  • Palpatine

    That’s right, only talk about music on here! Because I don’t like things that are different.

  • Earth

    I’m probably the only person here who has never seen any Shyamalmal movies.

  • Palpatine

    It’s surreal watching his movies. Mainly because each one just keeps getting worse and worse.

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    Nope, same here. Btw, name thing again.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    M. Night’s movies, generally, have nice shot composition and cinematography. Except this new one which looks cheap, but I guess that’s because of the “found footage” aesthetic.

  • Earth

    If I ever do watch them I’ll watch them in order.

  • instant relief

    I demand a Rich Evans sex pervert simulator with Oculus Shaft support.

  • instant relief

    They’re all using it for themselves!

  • RLMkeepitup

    if Rich got into that mugen fighting game it’d be hilarious because of the taunts and moves potential, would be a ton of work animating etc though

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    He is only allowed to suck the bag.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *Homoerotic.

  • instant relief

    I’ll (sw)allow it.

  • instant relief

    Leave Cary Grant alone.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    A kind of ‘Whack-A-Mole.’ simulator. “BanHammer”.TM
    The goal is to ‘ban’ as many ‘Comments’ as you can.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    George Carlin was the best Doctor Who ever.

  • instant relief

    A bland lowest common denominator triple AAA game with no difficulty called “Previously Recorded”.

  • Palpatine

    How many of those comments are yours?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m probably the only person too.

  • tOmy`

    You just want to see my posts fail, admit it!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It would be marketed as a ultra deep uber hard 8 bit retro platformer though.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    fellatio.

  • Palpatine

    Kinky.

  • Palpatine

    No, of course not, we all love your MCR trivia!

  • Quotidian, Man

    Watch Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, then youtube clips of reviewers making fun of everything since.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • dollar store cashier wife

    The actual rating is 5.7/10. That’s like a mediocre score. Not everything 0/10 or 10/10…unless of course you’re on IMDB or bring IMDB mindset with you.

  • Palpatine

    Here’s the thing about Shyamalan, he, like most people who have talents, can be good when he uses those talents to the best of his ability, and doesn’t let his ego get in his way.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    no one can be worse then then pewpleasediesoonpooppie.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I think Mike’s mind is deteriorating at an increasing rate.

  • Earth

    So many “only” people.

  • I’m only a guest

    nuh-uh

  • I’m only a guest

    parts of THE VILLAGE were terrific, but it unraveled around the point where William Hurt revealed the contents of the hut. Wind outta the sails – and it just got dumber and dumber. There were effective scenes after this point, but it was mostly just a joke.

  • instant relief

    And the special edition features unskippable cutscenes.

  • instant relief

    Bad movies are Mike’s Alzheimer’s.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    A Dance Dance Revolution ripoff, which you insta-lose if you choose to play as Rich Evans.

  • I’m only a guest

    I think the worst part of SIGNS was Caulkin’s acting.

  • Like Icare

    A management simulation game.

    You play as Myke or Jai.

    Your goal is to review moopies either by visiting moopie emporiums around Milwookie or by roaming around town and finding old tapes in pawnshops and garage sales and ruined mom and pop video rental stores.
    To review a moopie you must play a simulation of watching the moopie, in the style of classic video games like Breakout, Tetris, Pacman, Solitaire etc. where besides playing the game as usual you must collect or use appropriately (depending on the game setting) “tokens” which represent objective qualities of the moopie.

    Depending on your play performance and the collected tokens then you get to grade the moopie – the more tokens you collect/find the more “accurate” is your grade, the better you do in a game the MORE you get to grade the moopie.
    E.g. You collect the tokens which show that the moopie is bad – but since you had to take too many attempts, took too much time, lost too many lives etc. during acquiring of the tokens (you played badly) you don’t get to call the moopie shit or crap, and make “fun” of it, you just get to brand it as bad or meh.

    Then you post your reviews on your webzone.
    The more accurate and more “fun” the review, the more click fans and subscribers and patreons and whatever you accumulate over time.
    These generate popularity and money.
    Hitting a streak of several well received reviews gets you a running gag (That’s right Susan!) which you can then utilize to “fun up” the review.

    Popularity works to both increase your number of clicks fans etc and as a modifier for selling merchandise.
    Money allows you to hire additional reviewers, buy exciting new technology (like a 3D machine to make your reviews in 3D) AND to finance the making of your very own moopies (i.e. unlocking minigames which when played through give you running gags and popularity and can then be sold as merch items).

    When January comes around special mode is activated where all moopies are crap but all review-games run at harder difficulty. Beause FUCK YOU IT’S JANUARY!

    Badly done reviews fuck up your popularity and create trolls among your click fans.

    Long time between reviews create trolls.

    Popular moopies create trolls.

    Australian national holidays create trolls.

    Did I forget something?

  • Percy Gryce

    Holy shit, it looks like they filmed that on the set of Manos: The Hands of Fate.

  • RLMkeepitup

    he’s the hot dog man in the happening. you want to love him so damn much but the dogs got stale. #hestillgenius

  • Jay Stein

    It’s a shit-hole

  • I think Bubs has an IT/programmer background.

  • A trippy, indie (pixelart) action platformer. It would make Jack happy.
    That or a faux JRPG that’s about running a Super Sentai TV show,
    sort of like Chroma Squad.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Somebody should make a new Fargo about the lameness of Wisconsin. Who ever herd of these movies?

  • Commander X

    I would prefer to chew on a piece of tin foil rather than try and watch Kung Fury again but the soundtrack, dominated by tracks from Swedish electronic musician “Mitch Murder” is more than reasonably boss.

    I mean, I didn’t hate the movie but my reactions ranged from neutral “Oh I see what they’re going for here” to mild irritation.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    No, bad movies are like Aricept for Mike. That’s what my Aunt with Alzheimer’s would say, if she could remember where she left her pills.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I don’t have fillings so chewing foil is easy. It’s a great bar trickto get free beers and well drinks.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It must be the curse of Eloise Cole. Next when Colin shows up he’ll actually look 42.

  • Oh, like the DuckTales remake?

  • Milwaukee* Uh… that’s a nice avatar you’ve got there. http://i.imgur.com/67LESkR.gif

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    When you watch Unbreakable make sure you’re alone or be prepared to heare everyone else say WTF.

  • Palpatine

    Careful buddy, lot of people on here like that movie.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    It’s from Tosh.ohhhh. Thanks

  • tOmy`

    Postal 3: Milwaukee

    The story is simple: Upon seeing 875th worst movie of his life, Mike finally snaps and reveals that his inspiration for Plinkett character came straight from his deranged soul. He goes onto murder-spree while fixing VCRs (similar to original Postal’s to-do-list.) The twist of this game being that you can play for the murderer himself, but other characters as well.

    Playable characters: Mike / Jay / Rich / Jack

    Mike: You have your VCR repairs list – you go from home to home, fixing VCRs (minigame) and upon explaining to each VCR owner what kind of a fucking asshole he is, you murder him and then you have the rest of the day off to do whatever you want in the city Milwaukee – mostly consists of murdering people and looking for prostitutes (collectibles).
    Jay: When you play as Jay, your main task is to catch your friend before authorities do and sooth his behavior with pizzarolls (collectibles found throughout Milwaukee) and mentioning movies that Mike likes (dialogue based quiz minigame)
    Rich: Playing as Rich reveals that he has been fed up with Mike’s constant bullying throughout his whole life and when Mike finally snaps, it is a perfect excuse to murder his ass. You have your Space Cop car, uniform and weapon. Upon eating enough of hot dogs (collectibles), you are free to either support authorities or take Mike on in an epic 1v1 wrestling match in Jello.
    Jack: Playing as Jack is basically a minigame when you stare at him making questionable jokes, obnoxious faces and edit cutscenes. For each second you managed to live through this nightmare, you are given 1 point that goes towards your final score that you can share with your friends and show them just how pathetic your life recently is.

    The game also comes with two DLCs:
    DLC 1: The Fanboy Fix: Naked skin for Rich Evans, Universal Studio Car for Mike and an option to have Jay constantly hit on you.
    DLC 2: The Patch: Absolutely removes the whole option to play as Jack.

  • Does anybody here like it enough to cause an internet war over it?

  • Palpatine

    I hope not.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Are we talking about Kung Pow?

  • tOmy`

    CALL TO ARMS HAVE BEEN HEARD!

  • Wow, DLC that actually matters. What are you, stupid?

  • Anal.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Like Populous. Terraforming the mind, man.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    He looks really annoyed there.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I can’t wait for batman news community to come back here after BvS review.

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Commander X

    As far as found footage films that work go, one I recommend is The Borderlands, from the UK. A Vatican-sanctioned team is sent to investigate happenings, some caught on video, at a remote Catholic church in rural Devon and see if something supernatural is truly going on or if the local Father is just trying to get some attention for his neglected parish, with it’s dwindling membership and all.

    In order to document everything priest Mark Deacon, who uncovered hoaxes before, and agnostic audiovisual technician Gray have been sent in to wire the place for video and sound as well as have head-cams on every member of the team. The suspicious Deacon attempts to prove the video of some strange happenings that got the ball rolling is fake, and he and other members of them team get into discussions of whether or not what’s being dealt with is a hoax, a “miracle” or the stirrings of something old, perhaps dismissed and forgotten as ancient local superstitions and beliefs, even as the weirdness starts piling up, and the network of ancient tunnels beneath the church come into play.

    A fave moment from the opening, the somewhat cheeky Gray attempts to get directions to the church from a rather taciturn local whose only response is silence. He snipes, “Have a cracking day, mate. Good luck with Edward Woodward!”

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Commander X

    I could see what the folks involved were trying to do, I wanted to like it but it left me mostly a little frustrated. I might have enjoyed it better if they’d let up a bit on the IT’S THE 80s stuff.
    I can appreciate the people who made it actually managing to get their plucky little indie project off the ground, though.
    I did enjoy the vocal number by the Hoff, on the soundtrack.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    It’s got a good beat but you can’t dance to it. You know, a special yet not perfect game.

    The only music they got right was in Moxxi’s Underground Add-On.

  • Palpatine

    What does the Vatican think about these horror movies that have to do with them anyway?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Kung Pow is so great. You re-task some old footage and make it into a really funny thing. “Let me know … if you see … a Radio Shack.” Ohhh.
    Ohhhhh

  • Jay Stein

    Seriously, George used to be my Idol..I wanted to make movies after seeing Star Wars in the theater. I seriously made up the entire story just from seeing the commercials and looking at the movie poster after seeing Day of the Animals, or was it Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger?

    This picture makes me sad to see this creative genius beat down by generally being told “fuck you” by wanerbrothers for making the brilliant THX-1138 (which is one of my favorite movies), his failed marriage, then leaving the directors guild and generally hating hoolywood and all of it’s bullshit.
    That is a picture of a man who had to grovel back to the supreme rulers, and generally having to become a Sith. Fuck I’m pissed….

  • Jay Stein

    No that movie sucked hard

  • Jay Stein

    He’s got the Tim Burtonitis

  • Jay Stein

    No your not. I know I’m missing two decent movies but I’ll see them sometime, maybe..

  • Jay Stein

    are your balls dripping?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Cat Stevens

    Its actually great.

  • Jay Stein

    Well, he does have a LOT of money…

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Jay Stein

    Dexter Jester. I need to do a caricature of that one

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Jay Stein

    Sooo Eeeevill..

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Yeah, Danny was squirting me with a water bottle. It’s hard to be a hollywood ball-bag.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Tongued hard.

  • Palpatine

    Is this going to be your “thing” for today? Posting pictures of George Lucas?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix

    There are so many interesting photos of George Lucas.

    http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6i5u2EZVO1qd39nmo1_500.jpg

  • Palpatine
  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Are you finding these things using the Google? Because there are hundreds of old ladies who could use your help right now. You could be like Super-nan

  • RLMkeepitup

    A pawn CAN take a queen if it moves into a diagonal in front of it

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is that Tim Allen?

  • Palpatine

    Nope. That is indeed a clean shaven George Lucas.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I don’t know what their beef with Paris is. It’s a lovely city. Just be careful, the diet is a little rich. You might crépe your pants on the Eiffel Tower.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Wait is this sexual stuff? I want to upvote you but I’m worried it’s about chess shit.

  • Palpatine

    That’s what he would look like now if he shaved his beard.

  • Palpatine

    Paris? What are you talking about?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Did you know Tim Allen’s real name is Tim Dick? He was so funny in prison the warden let him go Shawshank and make cajillions. He lost the Dick, though.

  • Palpatine

    He’s like; “Get down on your knees and suck it, Natalie!”.

  • Jay Stein

    Dexter Jester

  • Snake Squeezer

    I thought it was the title of the episode, and plinket was going to come round.

  • Pulp

    M. Night Shyamalan, sounds like a weird Afro-American name.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Didn’t you watch the HITB?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Take it, Blaire.”

  • Jay Stein

    I like that one

  • Palpatine

    I did, I guess I just have memory loss problems.

  • RLMkeepitup

    maybe george likes his girls shaved # hypocrisy

  • Jay Stein

    It sounds Indian

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The hair style?

  • RLMkeepitup

    micro-racism

  • Palpatine

    No one uses Afro-American anymore. It’s about as common as calling someone an Oriental person.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    It’s okay I have a theory bad movies can help. They’ve made Mike into a bald regular guy when he was once a handsome leading-man-kind-of-guy. Believe me, as a scrotum I can value soft, downy hairs.

  • Palpatine

    I’m not bad at remembering names, just things that happen during the day. I’ll do something early in the day, and forget about it hours later.

  • Like Icare

    Dat so eighteeeeezz…

  • Raaaaawr

    Turbo Kid is hipster trash. Glorious trash. I loved it. I’m trash.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    “I made a career out of that!” Edward Said

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m still waiting “You Can’t Force Quit Your Programs” produced Jason Blum.

  • Palpatine

    American trash or Euro trash?

  • Palpatine

    That sounds like an early 90’s instructional video on how to use the Internet that you’d see on the WotW.

  • Palpatine

    Oriental Indian or American Injun?

  • RLMkeepitup

    first we need to know what the M. stands for

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Do you ever pull the hairs on your nutsack and discover a big, white plug on the end? If so, you’re gross and should see someone named Remington. He’s in the grooming aisle of any Target.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I think you starred in an Axe commercial I saw once, or maybe co-starred in an Alec Baldwin SNL radio skit

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Axe? Ugh. Why not just compare me to Autumn Queef, or whatever it is they’re doing at Yankee Candle these days.

  • Palpatine

    His real name is Manoj Shyamalan.

  • Palpatine

    Um, no.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Nutty pumpkin might confuse them into taking at least one whiff.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Good, you passed the possibly-gross test. Are you gross?

  • Palpatine

    I’m a germaphobe, so no.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I might actually go into one of your disgusting malls. As it is, Gallerias are exempt from nose rape.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Don’t be afraid of germs, kill them. Like Serrano said in Major League, Take that shit to them, man!

  • RLMkeepitup

    well we know he’s not from around here. maybe he’s cajun french. that would rule out fear of water and one possible twist in signs 2

  • Like Icare

    White “plug” is the root.

    And that’s not gross.
    Gross would be trying to transplant those hairs to other parts of body. Like say you can’t grow a full beard… and you want to try and get one that really speaks for itself.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Hey now.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I. Watched. 48 Hrs during a recent period of insomnia.

    You know, without the finger-banging of my teenage girlfriend that movie just does not hold up.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You know, because we were teenagers at the time. It’s funny if you stop being so serious. Comedy Central.

  • Jay Stein

    Dot not feather

  • Like Icare

    Do youse guys think this moopie to be worth payin 1.5% of average national monthly salary to see it in the theater, with a medium popcorn?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XLQ1bkSLDo

    My Google and my calculator tell me that it would be about $56.91 in USA.
    It just seems… wasteful.
    Also a bit rude considering that about the third of the population live for nearly two weeks with that amount of money.

  • Jay Stein

    How about N****r?

  • Jay Stein

    Looks like he’s been in bed with Disney for a looong time..

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Ha! The first copy of ET on VHS cost $385. Look it up, bitches!

    And that was in 1984. $57 bought you a whole year’s worth of TP back then.

  • Jay Stein

    I love micro-racism, but prefer macro-racism

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Duh “Now you just maed me say that word in my head.” Louis CK

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I just want to watch Sicario

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    If it’s anything like George Clooney’s attempt at hotness, it’s already been done. Syriana. Look it up. Plus Matt Damon has an heir, and loses the spare.

  • fred

    no

  • There is a method how it is possible to get 85 bucks/per-hour…After being without work for 6 months , I started earning over this site and today I am verry happy. After 3 months doing this my income is around 5000 bucks/month~ -Check Link on MY PROFILE ~PAGE for more information

  • Jay Stein

    We don’t need to guess how you made this $85.00 an hr….

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    $85 an hour? Work for the History Channel? Not even a SAG Card?

    hmmm?

  • tOmy`

    I am verry happy for you.

    Keep it real, Jamie, enjoy the money and make sure to praise your leader or you gonna end up dead in the ditch as a fertilizer for water buffaloes.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    What I love is how that douchebag just got paid by our answers.

    Man, if I still did coke, that’s what a referral feels like!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    And you just paid this Korean bitch too. Congratulations.

  • Buk Pravon

    Well, at least “Turbo Kid” looks interesting. 🙂 That’s an improvement.

    And the clips they showed of it reminded my of the fun I had back then with this little safety education film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z77oztO6UQ
    (It’s german, but I think you can follow the plot anyway.)

    😀

  • tOmy`

    And you just paid this Korean bitch too. Congratulations.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    See?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    *tickles* See?

  • I’ve been wondering whether you’re really Stallone’s Nutsack or someone’s sock. Also, I want to get that Korean bitch get paid.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You know what looks even worse on Blu-Ray? Prometheus.

    I’ll put up with the make-up mesh on George C. Scott’s head, but I will not put up with Noomi Rapace giving birth under any circumstances,

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Your avatar is haunting.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    kootchie kootchie Comedy Central koo

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Were you working as a prostitute or something? If so we need more pimps, more pushers.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    It’s from Comedy Central’s number-one hit show about the Internet called Tosh.0!

  • Rape jokes.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Well when you get down to it rape is really subtle: you know your friends have done it, but the second you talk about it, you’re the dick.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh Lord, that’s worse.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    No, it’s actually really great. It’s 50% less gay than Jackass, yet gay enough to catch the “bottom 50” of the demo.

  • He’s going to make wine out of its testicles.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jackass had Spike Jonze pretending to be a old lady. Automatically it is way better.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    But it had Johnny Knoxville pretending to not be a tweaker.

    Don’t be ashamed, Johnny. Be yourself!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Rich Evans: the new Orson Welles

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Is there a Plinkett in the house?

    Right now I’m willing to watch anything related, including “Set It Off” with Jada Pinkett.

    At this point she was still hot, and the name Jada was not stripper territory. Although Queen Latifah is serious boner repellent. It’s the yin-yang of the celluloid.

  • “Rosebud”… http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a235/sirrunk/1t3fawgo2_500_zpsprkpsszm.gif

    I couldn’t find a non-animated picture of Rich with his new beard.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Jay Stein

    You don’t like dripping scrotums?

  • RLMkeepitup

    plinkett is in a house far away on cold mountain, which i think is some metaphor for how Mike feels about him, keeping him on the ice

  • Jay Stein

    No thanks, I learned my lesson from the Manhole. I’ll never watch a “safety” video again. They are worse than any horror movie….

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Oh man but Young Mike is hot. I can’t help but think how hot Old Young Mike might be. Gray temples, size L sweatshirt maximum. Old-fashioned tan Keds.

  • Jay Stein

    Dude, I haven’t really laughed in a long time. Thanks!

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Are you planning to digitize him sort of like Paul Walker in Furious7 or are you going to reuse footage from his old films?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It will be like Kung Pow

  • Mark Bisone

    No, it would need to be more hilariously inept to be great. Instead it’s just trite, leaden and terrible.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Rich Evans in: I Am A Fag

  • Palpatine

    But Rich isn’t a cigarette! Hey-o!

  • Cat Stevens

    Those are nice words but you should probably check it out again and try to view it objectively. I’ve seen it around 10 times and consider it one of my favorite films. The only category under which is fails is the category of failing to live up to arbitrary expectations.

  • Mark Bisone

    You know, the one positive thing I’ll say about “The Village” is that it’s perhaps the one time (the current “Visit” not included) that M. Knight experimented with his formula. And he did it by turning it upside-down, which shows a degree of courage. Instead of the usual method of revealing something apparently mundane to have a magical cause, he revealed something apparently magical to have a mundane cause.

    I don’t think it worked, because of that film’s myriad contrivances, reduncdancies and logical black holes (not to mention the leaden acting, the atrocious and often unbelievable dialogue, etc.) But it seemed to be an honest attempt by him to try something different. This was the real “twist” in that film for me.

  • So I assume he’s going to fight people to Sir Mix-A-Lot.

  • Mark Bisone

    If those arbitrary expectations are “a well-conceived,-written and -acted story”, then yes, it failed to meet that ridiculous threshold.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Bite your tongue sir!

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • George (Jay) Stein

    That’s one comfy kitty

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    What’s wrong with your face?

  • Cat Stevens

    Thats not very specific. I found the story of setting up an idealized version of society by using pragmatic scare tactics fascinating and poignant. Having your own family members and trusted community leaders turn out to be the monsters is actually far scarier than having them be generic movie monsters. When the pragmatic scare techniques of the “village” fail they put the fate of the community in the hands of the ultimate idealists…the two characters in love…who persevere and conquer their fears for the sake of others. Good story. Great Roger Deakins cinematography. James Newton Howards best score. Extremely well directed. If you don’t like the twist there are a lot of other things there to like. A twist is a piece of story structure, not the essense of the story itself.

  • Bubs

    It buys me a whole years worth of toilet paper NOW. I just subscribe to E! Magazine and all my ass wiping needs are met.

  • tOmy`

    So… I am finally watching Kingsmen and I have to ask: Was there any uproar because of that church scene? I mean shit…

  • Bubs

    I didn’t even know George KNEW Sinead O’Connor.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    No; the Westboro Church has been completely demonized, which is what is paralleled in the movie.

  • #Bodyshaming

    I’m getting fat like the non-Jay half of the RLM crew. Help me become a stud like Jay. Give me strength not to eat more of that delicious pizza from the supermarket and actually do some exercise for once!

    Masturbation doesn’t help count, unfortunately.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    This RedLetterStory movie is going to be fucking insane. It’s the Social Network meets Evil Dead meets Kung Pow meets Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind. Christian Bale will morph into archive footage of Orson Welles being dubbed by Bale himself.

  • RLMkeepitup

    just be aware of what you eat and then find something you enjoy that makes you move around. for me its biking. getting thin is quite doable, but getting muscles is another bunch of effort. #lesspizzarolls

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes for some reason. I don’t understand why, he’s killing horrible bigots.

  • Bubs

    Yeah. It’s gonna suck.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Says you.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Speaking of shit movies how do you feel that the writer of Batman and Robin doing Transformers 5? Well let me tell you what I feel I just instantly think this a great idea. Michael Bay’s movies have so much action but they need more heart like in the highly overrated script for A Beautiful Mind. It’s such a great idea it’s like fork in the brain, fork in the brain, fork in the brain.

  • Cerwiggle

    I’ll stop judging when he stops doing crack.

  • Palpatine

    How’s the script coming along?

  • FADE IN

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m making it completely fucking insane as I made it out to be.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • George (Jay) Stein

    I’m chemotherapy George

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Just watched Caveman with Ringo Starr. I love that movie

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What is wrong with your face?

  • Palpatine

    So it’s not going to be an intelligent indie drama?

  • Joe

    How can we know where his neck begins without the help of a beard?!?

  • Joe

    So long as it’s like poetry which is to say it rhymes, then I’m interested.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Depends on who’s doing the music.

  • Palpatine

    Oh goodie, my favorite episode of Full House is on. It’s the one about child abuse.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Where are you getting all these zingers from? Also, are you attached to Frank, or Sly?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Love that one!

  • Domo

    It’s not as good as the one about Meth abuse.

    https://youtu.be/-qUv4Lg_ocs?t=31m25s

  • Wizard Phoenix

    My favorite one was the one they had to deal with a gang shooting in the neighborhood.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Where does that number lead to?

  • Palpatine

    Dial it and see what happens. I triple dog dare you!

  • fred
  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I have school work to do; Are you trying to get me binge watching HitB too!

  • Doc Brown.

    WTF

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Yeesh; you don’t look half bad!

  • George (Jay) Stein

    It rhymes

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Dude it’s not what you’re eating, it’s how you’re eating man

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Man, was over at the YouTube, shit’s getting rough in the comments over there. Seems like they’re starting to come over here! AHHHHHHH!

  • Palpatine

    What’re they arguing about?

  • Jason Ross

    Turbo Kid is the type of film that these hackfrauds absolutely live for. Jay gets wet at about the 25:23 mark of this episode.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I liked the one when the talking pizza roll got uncle Jessie to murder everyone with an axe.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Nothing really; they all seem to be getting along!

  • goldbrood

    It seems weird that Kung Fury and Turbo Kid got so much attention and Manborg was completely overlooked

  • Palpatine

    Then why’d you say they’re arguing? You know I love that shit!

  • Charon

    The passive-aggressive Plinkett inros are wonderful.

  • Joe Syxpac
  • dollar store cashier wife

    best scene of the film.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I’ve been expecting a nod to the life and films of Wes Craven.

    I guess since he had nothing to do with Star Track or Space Wars he isn’t important.

  • Palpatine

    I have a good feeling that this years Halloween commentary track will be on A Nightmare on Elm Street.

  • M Hedonist

    Judging from Google images, it looks like it’s more of “Kung Fury” than “Turbo Kid”. Which isn’t good.

  • instant relief

    You’re just mad, ’cause he uses up all the supply.

  • There is_ a strategy how it is possible to recive hundred bucks/hour@ …After being without work for six months , I started earning over this site and today I am verry#happy. After 3 months$ doing this my income is around 6000 bucks/month -Check Link on MY_+ PROFILE_+}~PAGE for more information

  • Thanatos2k

    You guys REALLY need to kill that fly.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Recruit more pimps, more pushers.

  • It features stop motion animation of weird monsters. That makes it worth seeing.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    In my country you get $3000 a month for being unemployed. what kind of shit hole 3rd world country do you live in?

  • tOmy`

    You’re goddamn right.

    #SublteReferencesAreSubtle

  • tOmy`

    So I think I found one of the best albums of 2015 and that kinda calls for Music thread. Yay!

    The only problem here is that you gonna have to bear with me as I am about to drop the c-word that can be widely viewed as much worse than the d-word. Oh yes, I do honestly believe that Delta Rae’s modern country-rock pseudo-concept album After It All is one of the most interesting and quality releases of 2015 – and I am fairly sure almost no one (including reviewers) will agree with me. The drama and romance of Americana, folklore and callbacks to Great Depression are present as much as big arrangements, explosions and influences spanning all across the current pop music. So how come a cheerleader who is a fan of Skrillex and believes that Chem Bros are gonna be tough to beat this year suddenly turns to death defying album combining two of the genres that (s)he considers almost impossible to listen to? Well…

    Right off the bat it is quite apparent that this album is gonna be a different kind of a beast than your usual country / folk / Americana album – the first two songs paint pop on epic classical scale, sounding like something you would shove into a movie soundtrack, followed by country-rock Outlaw, featuring lyrics “Giving finger to Death itself”. It is quite apparent that the c-word works just a mere blueprint here – a blueprint that Delta Rae use to create blasting harmonies, attitude and coolness that is often very hard to find within this specific genre. And then they go into overdrive.

    After a small interlude, Delta Rae’s singer unleashes sexy soul song (stylistically on par, but generally far beyond current R’n’B scene) that is, for some reason, featuring beats obviously produced on PC. What follows is pretty much describable as gospel with alternative percussion and borderline experimental beat, preceding singalong anthem Chasing Twisters and full-on rock Bethlehem Steel. Then the pop side of the album shows its boy band horns and presents you with the first skip-able track – then again, kudos for managing to shove in the f-word.

    Cold Day In Heaven is another pop take on modern country, while I Will Never Die is gospel turned epica with a freaking grudge guitar solo that explodes so much that it puts current bad boys to shame. The last 5 songs than balance on the thin line of obvious pop-meeting-country and big harmonies – some of it works, some of it doesn’t, but the closing bittersweet track Dance In The Graveyards ties the ribbon on an album that blew me the fuck away with it’s cleverness while tackling genres that I honestly don’t give a fuck about. Sure – some of the tracks are skip-able (especially towards the end), but for a 16 track album, 12 of them are worth your time and half of them are mesmerizing success. In my opinion that is. And that opinion is not shared.

    Fuck, maybe I am really getting soft. 9/10

  • tOmy`

    Pending reviews: HEALTH (that is gonna break dscw’s heart) and Prince + Miley combo for which I will need at least 8 shots of absinthe to talk about.

    But then again, it’s not like you care.

  • playdude92 .

    Turbo Kid, huh?

    Available online? Cause I live in Germany.

  • tOmy`

    If you seek arguing, let’s start a Blade Runner replicant / not replicant thread.

    That will never get tiresome.

  • Like Icare

    Masturbation actually does count, but it is such a small expenditure of calories that it is negligible.
    And more importantly, it does not help much with building of the lean body mass – i.e. muscles.

    But basically, it boils down to the “What gets monitored – gets managed” mantra.
    I.e. Record your weight daily – won’t help you lose weight but it is a great motivator and an alarm.

    Second thing you need to monitor is your sleeping.
    Lack of proper, long, night-time sleep messes up your ghrelin and leptin levels. Which makes you snack more in order to get that energy you are supposed to be getting from resting.

    Both of those are just warmup.
    What you REALLY need to monitor are your calorie intake AND your exercises.

    Fasting alone is basically useless. Best case scenario, you lose some weight short term then you put it all back on in a day or two. Worst case you die of starvation in the middle of nowhere and then the wolves eat your remains.

    Doing aerobic (cardio) exercise alone without calorie management is also useless. Best case scenario, you replace some fat with a little muscle… but you keep all the weight and just eat more. Worst case… you keep getting fatter until you die of a stroke or heart attack while doing cardio. And then the wolves eat you.

    Basically, you need to cut down on calories AND get some lean mass (muscle) to start burning more while just sitting around.

    If you have a smartphone, get yourself MyFitnessPall app, a pedometer app (Accupedo works for me) and some apps for exercises you do – there’s plenty of them.
    Calculate your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) either with an app (MyFitnessPall will lead you through that at startup) or through any googleable website that does that for you.

    There is a simple app called simply BMR which gives you decent calculations of your BMR and your RMR (Resting Metabolic Rate) and the changes according to your exercise level.

    If you don’t have a smartphone…

    MyFitnessPall works as a website too, there are plenty of pedometers on eBay for ~5-10$ or less (get one of them with a tiny solar-calculator photovoltaic cell – they never run out of batteries) and paper and pencil or an excel sheet will do for monitoring your exercises.

    Another VERY useful thing is one of them small jeweler’s/dealer’s pocket sized micro-scales.
    A slice of pizza is an indeterminable amount of calories and it raises no concern when you have 2 or 3 or 5.
    300 grams of pizza… that’s at least 600 calories. Get 3 of those and a small soda and you’re set for the day calorie-wise.
    Get more and and get fat.

    If you don’t have or can’t get the scale (or don’t want to explain to police that it is for dieting and not dealing and that the white stuff on it is sugar and not coke) just eyeball the fractions and bowl sizes – most glasses are sized at 2dcl which comes out to exactly 200 grams of water.
    Metric system bitches! Weight is volume is water!

    MyFitnessPall has a barcode reader for packaged goods and if the product is in the database you just punch in the portion/weight. If not, you add it in and now it is in the database.
    It also has recipes so you can calculate portions of homemade food (select all ingredients from the database, put them in a list and you got yourself a recipe).
    For fruit and vegetables – database.
    Not sure database is correct? Just ask Google. It has calorie values for nearly any kind of food. Punch in YOUR version and that will now stay in the database AND in your “My Food” tab of the app too (easier to find there later on).

    I’ve knocked down some 10 kilos, slowly, over months of app use (i.e. calorie restriction, eating a few hundred calories less than my daily BMR) and exercise down to 75 kg, then to 73, then back to 75 but now with more muscle mass and only calorie monitoring – eat around 2000 kcal per day, exercise for 40ish minutes 2-3 times a week.
    Think of it as a game where you collect foods and keep going for that green daily score while maintaining a daily streak.

    A friend of mine dropped 10 kilos in about a month+ doing the same thing.
    Only he is a head taller and was nudging into 100 kilo range at the time, eating Richknows how many calories per day.
    Before that he would spend hours on the stepper – then gorge himself on food.

    The main thing is to know how much are you actually eating and how much of it are you spending.

    Oh, and one more thing…
    Should you start restricting your calories, start eating more fiber and drinking more water.
    Thing is… Our bowels are meant to get maximum energy from the food we eat and they also extract the water from the mass in the bowels (half digested food, slowly turning to poop) and pump it back into the system.
    Otherwise we’d dehydrate in a matter of hours.
    BUT… bowels are an inclosed space.

    So if you’re eating more and getting fat, your bowels have no other way to make room for more food coming from the stomach – so you go and poop daily, sometimes more than once. Pooping out half digested food.

    You cut down on food… Now your bowels are enlarged and there’s less food to push from the stomach… and your bowels get to do their efficiency thing…
    And then you realize you’re now only pooping every second day and when you do, it’s like pooping marbles.
    Meaning that there’s both less mass in your bowels to hold water AND that you’re now trying to push those marbles through a very long sock. While dehydrating faster.

    Water and fibers help – one keeps you hydrated, the other is both not completely digestible (more mass to push out) AND it feeds the gut bacteria which produce gas which increases the pressure in your “very long sock” and helps getting those marbles out.

    OR… if you can stick to it, do a 5:2 calorie restriction regimen. Here’s a nice documentary on the subject:
    http://www.joe0.com/2012/10/06/subtitles-for-bbc-horizon-2012_2013-e03-of-15-eat-fast-and-live-longer/

  • goldbrood

    Judging by images sure, but it’s really not much like Kung Fury. I actually saw Kung Fury cause I thought Manborg was a lot of fun and was horribly let down.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “And after you know that, the bleak grey landscape makes so much more sense, haha.”

    Uncle Dan, the racist! There are some good Quebec filmmakers. I fancy Denis Villeneuve. Prisoners was amazing. I enjoyed Enemy. Haven’t seen Incendies or Sicario yet.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I enjoyed The Happening in a similar way that I enjoyed The Room. A different form of entertainment.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’ll be a bigger bomb than the movie Pompeii!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Manoj /ˈʃʲɑːmələn/

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Wait, Leia isn’t a sexy lamp?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Funnyily enough, it ended up being his last Airbender.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    You mean the same dude that wrote A Beautiful Mind and then not much related to that afterwards?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    A racing game to the beer store, obviously.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    All right, we’re back. While we were away on a commercial break, Mike actually got fatter. Follow me on Twitter so we can live chat during the show, keep up with our blog, and don’t forget the new season of Brickleberry! It’s just starting to get good. *talks past hand* “It’s about time!”

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    A hundred bucks an hour won’t even pay one of my paralegals. Get a real job, you hippie!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I wonder how Daryl Hannah feels about her most iconic role as a Real Doll.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    If you’re looking for a good movie to watch this weekend, rent Being Michael Madsen. It’s about a celebrity who gets revenge on a dirtbag paparazzo.

    Plus, if you’re like me you can’t keep Michael Madsen and Tom Sizemore apart, and this movie makes it easier. Enjoy!

  • There is a good internet &procedure how it is possible to get hundred bucks/hour@ …After being without work for six months , I started earning over this site and today I am verry happy. After 3 months doing this my income is around 6 thousand bucks/month -Check out the website on my :profile: for info

  • instant relief

    What? I WANNA BECOME A CITIZEN!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    sorry thats $3,000 AUSTRALIAN dollars, its only 1904.89 Euro

  • Palpatine

    Go away!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    If you’re gonna give it a bad review I’m gonna refer to you as Anthony Tomytano from now.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You are made of AIDS.

  • instant relief

    Dude, when I was working at McDonald’s full time I was making a measly 1k/month.

  • instant relief

    No, Cary Grant was. And now I’m going to hell!

  • instant relief

    Hey, baby, why don’t you answer my calls? What did I do to upset you? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! <3

  • instant relief

    Use your imagination! SEI KREATIV!

  • Palpatine

    Does this sound like a good idea for a film: a young Atheist teacher gets a job teaching at a Catholic school where he begins a relationship with a young nun who also teaches there. Does that sound good or bad?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And people said war crimes and slavery where gone from Germany.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *Are In.
    Fixed.

  • junkevil

    it’s available online both legally through amazon and illegally through torrents.

    it’s actually a pretty good flick.

  • instant relief

    Not really. Back then I made like 7.50€/hr. Last year the government raised the minimum wage to 8.50. It seems like Germany is still in the dark ages.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you want to get some oscars or what?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    You getting stoked for the Pope visiting next weekend? Shit’s going to get real for a hot minute around these parts.

  • instant relief

    The Force Awakens? Sorry, that’s all I got.

  • Palpatine

    Uh, maybe?

  • Palpatine

    It’s going to be crazy. I’m not even going close to the city next weekend.

  • bleurgh

    Sounds like the setup for a porno, but could also work as a movie. There’s a few different directions you can go with it though, divisive risqué european style sexploitation movie, dry indie drama with characters struggling to reconcile their relationship with their faith or straight up black comedy and satire of the rediculousness of Catholicism and the frequent hypocrisy of religious clergy. The last one is the one I’d be most interested in seeing. I’m thinking a way darker and fucked up version of father ted.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I was going to go home up north but I know that 30, 76, 476, 283, etc. are going to be a cluster fuck.

  • Palpatine

    I’m going for the second one.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    ‘Brooding tale of two opposites cuming together in the most unlikely of situations; where they discovery, they’re really not all that different’ – Richard Long, 9 out of 10 stars!

  • Palpatine

    Al that just to see an old guy in altar boy robes make a speech in broken English.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    You’re thinking of ‘Devil’s Alley’ staring Toby Maguire and Kirk Lazarus.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,,,,Fuck You! Are you implying he’s Oscar bating?

  • bleurgh

    Yeah, that could work. Have you heard the blacklist table reads podcast? There’s a great one based on an orthodox Jewish character who falls in love with a hipster chick in Manhattan that I think is the kind of thing you’re going for.

  • Palpatine

    Isn’t that the plot of Annie Hall?

  • bleurgh

    No, but it does include a peadophilia subplot so it’s probably something Woody Allen would be interested in.

  • bleurgh

    blacklist.wolfpop.com/audio/25409/the-other-side-pt-1

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Jay made a few tweets about Wes Craven, if that helps.

  • Domo

    Is it gonna be a musical, starring Julie Andrews? If there’s no songs, I’m just not that interested.

    As an aside, there’s a film called Barbara (I think?) that takes place in 80s East Germany, where 2 doctors fall in love with each other, one who embraces the government’s system, and one who wants to escape it. It’s done really well and would give you an idea of what to do with your story.

  • Tired of working for a meager “hundred buck$ an hour”? Tired of $craping togeather a living at the bottom of a barrel? $YOUR LIFE CAN CHANGE NOW!$$$$$$$$ I’m looking for a new wife. The old one seems to have driven the spacecar into a tree and died, I don’t know. And this new wife can be you!!!!! Yippii horrayyy!!!! You will rule half of the other half of Naboo. You get to command a Gungin army and you get to get your freak on ‘toadstyle’ ALL NIGHT LONG BABY! WOOOO!

    Here is a more recent pic of me. PS: I’m not wearing any underwear.
    http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17e7logjw0hvsjpg/original.jpg
    @@@@@nass_the_sassy_toad@@@@@ XoXo.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Saw Turbo Kid. it’s AWESOME!!!!! It’s one of my favorites already. It’s up there with Dawn of the Dead and Early Peter Jackson. I have a crush on this beautiful little film…

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I’m going to get my Victory Growler filled and watch it tonight.

  • M Hedonist

    Oh, that sounds good then. Guess you can’t judge a book by its google images after all.

  • Palpatine

    Was it as great as Kung Fury? Because nothing will ever be as great as Kung Fury, the greatest thing ever!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Early Peter Jackson as in gore or as in Heavenly Creatures?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It sounds like Lost in Translation meets some BBC show, I don’t know maybe Call the Midwife, meets black people.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If Grindhouse, Black Dynamite, etc. parody the 70s.
    If Turbo Kid, Kung Fury, Moombeam City, etc. parody the 80s.
    What will the parodies for the 90s be like? What will they be parodying? Early CGI?

  • Palpatine

    Everyone will be wearing overalls for starters.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Baggy clothes for sure.

  • Palpatine

    Now all I need is a title.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mom jeans too.

  • Palpatine

    And Gameboys are used as weapons.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Grudge music as the score.

  • Palpatine

    The hero uses his Gameboy to summon the T-Rex from Jurassic Park.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    In order to help his mentor Bill Clinton

  • Palpatine

    With extra help from Hanson and the Rugrats.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Let’s not forget the our enemies, warriors wearing Simpsons merchandise.

  • Bubs

    Basically it’ll just be the movie “Clueless”. That movie is like a weird core-sample of the 90s.

  • Palpatine

    With their leader being Saddam Hussien, who’s actually a puppet of Barney the Dinosaur, the true villain of the movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Starring Chris Farley

  • Palpatine

    And River Phoenix. Oh, sorry.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s okay….also starring Michelle Pfeiffer

  • Red Skeleton

    I see you fucks haven’t sold out of your digital downloads. Is that because they’re shit and nobody’s BUYING THEM!?

  • Red Skeleton

    …. I’m sorry, I feel I should rephrase that.

    “I see you sellout fucks haven’t sold ALL of your digital downloads.”

  • Palpatine

    Also starring Hulk Hogan. Gotta have a WWF star in there somewhere.

  • A Genesys Space parody.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And Phil Hartman as Bill Clinton.

  • Palpatine

    So the cast is River Phoenix, Chris Farley, Michelle Phiffer, Hulk Hogan, Saddam Hussien, Barney the Dinosaur, and Phil Hartman as Bill Clinton, with special appearances by Hanson and the Rugrats.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    With Simpsons merchandise, grudge music, GameBoy guns, overalls, mom jeans, and baggy clothes. All we need now is a title.

  • Palpatine

    90’s Nostalgia Mind Fuck.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Nah too unsubtle.

  • Palpatine

    I dunno, you think of something, I’m not good at making up titles on the spot.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Okay I need to think of a very nineties title. Billy’s Huge Weekend.

  • Palpatine

    That works. Starring River Phoenix as Billy.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Kung Fury is day old soda compared to Turbo Kid

  • George (Jay) Stein

    GORE!!

  • George (Jay) Stein

    The 90’s I know was a latex and leather filled KMFDM infused drug haze..

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Chris Farley is Billy’s best friend Ralph who loves to eat.

  • Palpatine

    I was thinking Chris Farley and Hulk Hogan could play Billy’s wacky uncles who he lives with because his parents died of reasons.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hulk would be Billy’s bad ass park ranger uncle who is introduced wrestling a bear while they’re watching Friends.

  • Palpatine

    Billy is a cool 90’s kid who wears baggy clothes, has a cool haircut, rides a skateboard, and never does his homework, which explains why his 17 years old and still in 6th grade.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Michelle Pfeiffer is Claire, Billy and Ralph’s hot, smart, and tough teacher who inspires both of them to stay in the 6th grade.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh…no Kate Winslet.

  • Palpatine

    She’s also an undercover CIA agent who enlists Billy’s help in stopping Saddam Hussien, who’s planning to invade the United States, but is secretly under the control of Barney the Dinosaur, and at the end of the film, Billy uses his Gameboy to summon the T-Rex from Jurassic Park who kicks Barney’s purple ass after the latter grows to T-Rex size and attacks the city.

  • bloodstock pussyclarts

    my opinion is nun of your business

  • Wizard Phoenix

    PLOT TWIST: The city and world gets destroyed because the world’s protector Bill Clinton was asleep deep within the earth. Now the city is full of freaks dressed up as Simpsons characters who praise Jennifer Aniston as a god. It is now up to Billy, his uncle, Ralph, and Claire to awaken Bill Clinton from his slumber before Barney takes control over Al Gore.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Who should direct Billy’s Huge Weekend?

  • Palpatine

    Spielberg.

  • American Ultra.

  • fred

    I didn’t like Turbo Kid…except for one scene.

  • TapewormBike

    Denim and hope.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Contrarian!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Len Kabasinski

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Angst, abortions, heroin, pudding-pops, minivans, divorce, denim berets, school-shootings, Nickelodeon, crappy music, Adam Sandler etc.

  • fred

    I DO NOT apologize.

  • tOmy`

    Well, I just finished Spec Ops: The Line.

    Review: Meh?

  • Gameplay: Yes, it’s kinda meh. The story however, is something else.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    You just, don’t get it man, When were you born, like, the 1920s?

  • The correct answer was: No, I’m not.

  • instant relief

    How dare you criticise a game I never played?

  • instant relief

    *Conan, the…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That’s it. You’re Anthony Tommytano from now on.

  • tOmy`

    I guess. But I think it appears more clever than it really is. Plus sometimes it felt they were hammering “The horror… the horror” aspect way too much. But then again, if it wasn’t for the story and the promised mind-fuck, I wouldn’t even touch it.

    You know… war didn’t change that much. Soldiers still cannot jump, snipers still use laser sights, people hang around exploding barrels, helos come with infinite miniguns… well, we all know the drill.

    The visuals were nice, sometimes fantastic, the difficulty was… well, I finished it on the Veteran and the biggest challenge was usually making the game behave the way you want and not the task at hand. Keybinds, cover system, all of that stuff worked well until it didn’t work at all and off you go back to the checkpoint.

    I don’t wanna sound that harsh because as I said, it looked fantastic, soundtrack rocked, some ideas were rather neat, the story was at least engaging… yet something died inside me every time I came around an invisible wall or had to check my keyboard if it’s working properly because it felt like the game is not getting any input.

  • TapewormBike

    That’s usually the review I get after finishing as well.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Contraception: The movie
    This time, I’ll remember to pull out…

  • tOmy`

    I might change my mind, I am gonna replay it anyway just to see whether the story even holds.

    I just expected more, that’s all. Plus I am really no fan of cover system, this retarded sprint-to-cover mechanism and generally this whole genre. I just think that all the pluses this game has have been overshadowed by my own problems with this genre, settings and the general feel of the game not letting me play.

    Would have been a great movie tho.

  • That’s weird about your technical problems and too bad. As for the gameplay aspects, I think that was kind of the point. They made the most straightforward cover-based shooter they could but subverted your expectations with the story. Maybe it’s not the best story ever written but it was quite a memorable experience for me.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Yup. The gameplay is intentionally the dullest thing ever and made out like something that would be appealing to frat boys. Funny thing about these meta games is how much do they succeed in reaching their target audience. because it seems at this point you can’t go in Spec Ops:The Line the bad because video game analysis do a piece on it every few months or so.

  • tOmy`

    I think I can agree with that. It had the similar drive as Max Payne / FEAR for me… the gameplay was a bit dull but the story made you continue till the very end. I know I sound a bit too harsh, I definitely enjoyed it and it gave me some nice chills here and there…

    I dunno. It just gave a weird feeling that it could have been better and could have given me 3 separate keys for 3 separate actions unlike 1 key for paying respects, reloading, waving, playing the flute, healing your teammate and dating Megan Fox.

  • Palpatine
  • Perhaps but Max Payne 3 on PC went the other way… and in my opinion… went a bit too far. You could bind each action to a different button which ended in half of your keyboard being taken up despite the fact some actions could have easily been bound to one button as they never overlap with each other.

  • Red Skeleton

    A movie about teachers in a Catholic school? I highly DOUBT it will ever sell!

  • Palpatine

    A movie about teachers in a Catholic school having sex. Sex sells. Just ask any altar boy.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    but but F.E.A.R. is the complete opposite. the story is a collection of cliches while the gameplay is freaking awsome. and max payne rules in both gameplay and story deparment brah!

    Anyways the gameplay is Spec Ops is merely a vehicle for reinforcing everything the story has to offer(which is basically one big middle finger for FPS/third person action games that glorify war and violence).Nothing more,nothing less.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Fuck no…

  • bassbait

    I was about to say, FEAR is only good because it’s unintentionally funny and becomes fun as a result.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    The Withering Rose? Pentacost?

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Oh, the horror!

  • bassbait

    Check out this video going into the artful aspects of Spec Ops, and if you still don’t appreciate the game then I won’t hold you to anything. But I think the video makes some great points about the game and gaming in general. –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlBrenhzMZI

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Rich Evans

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Rich Evans!

  • George (Jay) Stein

    You have no soul

  • bassbait

    Kevin Sorbo can play the atheist teacher.

  • Percy Gryce

    Well played!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m just waiting for the parodies for the 00s and 9/11. 9/11: The Spoof Movie (or This Ain’t 9/11 XXX? Wishful thinking?). In big, bold, red, 3D letters.

  • tOmy`

    Ha, I have a different experience with both. I found FEAR’s leveldesign and action a bit dull, repetitive and towards the end more of a chore (massively saved by AI obviously). The story and the atmosphere drove it for me.

    Same with Max Payne – the bullet time concept became so repetitive that it felt like you are constantly doing the same action over and over again: press the bullet time dodge, shoot, fall, stand up, press the bullet time dodge, shoot… And again, the story and the style was the drive for me.

    But one has to consider the fact that since 10, I spent couple of hours a day playing UT – I am somewhat hardwired for different style of action.

  • Palpatine

    Ha ha, it’s ironic because he’s a Christian.

  • Palpatine

    The first one’s not a bad title.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The 00s were so stupid, I still feel like we aren’t still entirely out of the 00s.

  • bassbait

    in his classroom, he IS God

  • Man, Rutger Hauer always plays the psycho.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    The guys should watch Victoria. Great performances, a phenomenal experience. “Beglückend,” said Variety. Too bad they only watch big, dumb, American movies.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOiE0LCu6J0

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Hurt Locker of video games.

  • tOmy`

    I do appreciate all these aspects mentioned in the video. This is the only reason why I even played it.

    However, I do not and never will fully appreciate corridor shooters with blocked entrances, semi-working keymapping and dodgy movement to say the least. And Okay – fine, ziplining for the hundredth of time or “press space to fucking fall down through the invisible wall” may be a commentary – and, according to many apparently it is – about modern day frat boys shooters, but it doesn’t change the way how I feel about it – afteral, it is there and I have to go with no matter if I am in on a “joke” or not.

    The video didn’t mention a lot of others things I have found very satisfying, but to put it simply: I had my own problems with the game that ultimately brought down my enjoyment. Be it only the story, the visuals and (sometimes not so subtle) commentary, I would rate it happily as one of the best shooters I have played.

  • bassbait

    Haven’t played it lol, but I want to. I’m all about art and using art to make a point, and I feel as though Spec Ops is one of the only big budget games in existence to even attempt such a thing. The best example of a big budget game to attempt and succeed at such a thing is Shadow of the Colossus, which is quite possibly the best game ever made, and only has the flaw of giving too many hints on how to beat the colossi and some technical aspects like framerate issues or load-in on the PS3 version.

    This is, after all, the medium where “Pac Man” is considered a highlight. As much as I love Pac Man, it’s essentially a children’s TV show that you can play. Games are DYING for some more games like Spec Ops so I support it on the simple principle that it’s at least trying to say something.

  • empathylouis

    Aww, Wizard isn’t fat! 🙁

  • fred

    Yes, and I have seen every film ever made EVER.

  • tOmy`

    I have to agree with that 100%. The art behind Spec Ops is really great. And, even in this day and age, pretty unparalleled. The only problem is when and if (for some reason) you don’t like a gameplay of a certain genre or even a game, no matter how good it is, you’re not gonna end up having 100% great time.

    And all those things considered: That is why I praise Deus Ex: Human Revolution to heavens. That game is a working stealth game, working RPG, working FPS and working cover-based shooter. It tackles quite a lot of topics and few of them are transcending to our reality; questions, that you can ask yourself even when you are not playing. Sure, it ain’t exactly meta (except the “skill” system that is basically the elementary RPG must-have and a tie to the game story itself that can somewhat break your own perception) and the art decisions are fairly simple, yet creative, but it is a game that succeeded 100% in everything I wanted – and even in the things I feared the most.

  • tOmy`

    Matter of preference and / or what are you used to. But the keymapping in general was a bit… odd. Like: Having heal + take cover + run for the closest cover on one button is a clusterfuck. Just have the “use” button to heal – not like there is anything to use in that game anyway. You can melee door to open them? Why not “use” them then? The fuck is wrong with using a door? But nah, that would be too logical – but how about this? What if we leave it like that and add a “jump over cover” bind to the same fucking key as melee. What could possibly go wr- oh. That sounds like a time to have it bound on a jump button.

    But there is none, is there? I am starting to believe that games are getting rid of the jump button just to have easier mapdesign and at the same time because they don’t trust you not to jump off 80 stories building. Sigh.

  • Palpatine

    Am I the only one who wants RLM to a commentary for A Nightmare on Elm Street for this Halloween?

  • Michael Collins

    I’m nearly finished it, good game, but the co-op is where it’s at, great fun with a mate or 3..

  • Well that was in the early 2010s. Now everyone’s about verticality.

  • Coop? O.o

  • George (Jay) Stein

    No

  • bassbait

    I never got into the Deus Ex series. My typical game looks a lot more like the original DOOM. Simple, drops you right in and you know exactly what to do. I have found artistic games that manage to pull this off, but they’re mostly indie games that are free downloads or browser games. Examples – Loved, The Terrible Whiteness of Appalachian Nights, One Chance.

    They use the gameplay and mechanics to drive the point home. And those ones aren’t meta-commentaries like Spec Ops, although you could easily stretch all three of them into meta-commentaries by saying how Loved is a commentary on choice systems in games, TWoAN is a commentary on mundane tasks in games, and One Chance is a commentary on the dissolution of emotional tension due to unlimited replayability and respawns. But I don’t feel like they’re so much “commenting” on those things as much as providing context to those things.

    SOTC works on all three levels – it’s a great game, it uses the mechanics and story to properly convey it’s message and tone, and it ALSO has meta-commentary about the nature of violence in video games, as well as the nature of the “hero” versus the “villain” and how unclear it can really be.

    One of these days I might make a super long and boring video going into detail about how it’s a serious contender for best game ever. Until then I have tons of interesting little indie games to check out still.

  • Palpatine

    I’m sure Jay will give us some good information on the series just like he did in the Halloween commentary.

  • tOmy`

    I just can’t help myself… have to repost this every time there is a similar conversation:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1ZtBCpo0eU

  • I’m not sure Jay should watch anymore horro movies. This ‘getting to know the Bauman mind’ is deeply disturbing.

    https://instagram.com/p/7yM50djghj/?taken-by=jaybauman1

  • Palpatine

    Like I said before, Jay is the David Lynch of the 21st century.

  • Yeah but it didn’t make sense you had to use a separate stand up button, why can’t Max just… “uncrouch”? I also wish more cover based shooters used Tomb Raider’s cover mechanics – you approach the wall=you’re in cover. You need to run = just move the hell away.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    You should try the Metro games

  • Captain Turbo

    I thought it was okay. The 80s nostalgia was cool but I didn’t think much of the story. The male lead was kind of whiny and the female lead was almost unwatchable. What was she doing, retarded star child?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    More streamlined mechanics take away control from the player. I’m thinking Red Dead Redemption, where sometimes the cover you’re in is too high to lean over. Instead you can just stand next to it, without sticking to it, and shoot just fine. The Tomb Raider makes for much smoother-looking gameplay, though, that’s for sure.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    I thought you said you watched it. APPLE was awesome and there is a very definite reason for her personality. Also the music is modern and is just an offshoot of the 80′ genres. Well fuck it anyway, you said you were 14 so there’s no way that you would understand the slight 80’s vibe in the movie. The lead was just what he was supposed to be as well, a teenage dude in an apocalypse….

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Jay is way cooler than Davis Lynch

  • tOmy`

    Not to be “that” girl (you know, like that cheerleader who constantly brings up DE) but in DE, this system is close to fucking flawless.

    The game is first person until you move to a cover and press a secondary mouse button. From there on it’s third person – you move around with keys and once you reach the edge and press the key again you pop out from the cover, looking if holstered, aiming if you have weapon in hand. Want to continue taking cover and but move past the corner? Tap + button. Want to dodge to another cover with the same angle? Hold the button. You can also set “cover” to either hold or toggle.

    Actually this is so genius that I had to start up the game now just to see how exactly it works because you don’t even have to think about what buttons are you using – I simply forgot the what do I press, yet automatically did it all without any visual cue.

    Comparing this to the mayhem of Spec Ops… you have one button to cover that also does god knows what, then you press it again, you stand up, take 8 shots to the face, you press it again and based on your camera, Mr. Insane goes sprinting towards somewhere he feels like, ultimately ducking, taking cover, eating second after second by a sliding animation and then when you want to jump over that cover, you better make sure you are facing the camera the exact way or your input equals dropping a feather onto an anvil.

    It is just sooooo confusing, yet seems simpler on the paper. And you know why? Because fucking consoles, that’s why!!!!11111!!!!

  • tOmy`

    (Fair to say: I am just bitching for the sake of bitching. It was irritating, but far from this bad.)

  • Percy Gryce

    Hey, this has been up for two days. Why aren’t there 2,000 comments?

  • Percy Gryce
  • RLMkeepitup

    dayum she changed a lot in 15 years #sheisnowahe

  • Domo

    Get to work, Percy! We don’t have all night!

  • Domo

    Nothing compares.

    No-thing compares.

    To kidssssssss.

  • Palpatine

    I have no idea who that is.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    why didnt she do that 10 years ago?

  • Mark Bisone

    Maybe start a hashtag campaign?

    #StopTheCommentDrought

  • instant relief

    Gimme my unemployment benefits, you hack fraud!

  • instant relief

    Caus the kids are alright… https://youtu.be/cvn6eYJh-0c?t=52s

  • instant relief

    I’m sorry for failing you, master.

  • instant relief

    Plays?

  • instant relief

    For one second I thought you said Space Cop: The Movie. FUCK U!!!

  • Palpatine

    Work will set you free! Wait, which Germany are you from, East or West?

  • instant relief

    West! 😉

  • It’s a shooter. You shoot things. Yes: meh!

  • fred

    The track was like “stock 80s” arcade music on a 2 hour loop.

  • fred

    “The Place Beyond The Pines” is great to watch if you know nothing about it.

  • Bubs

    The deterioration of the mind and body is a cruel process. Especially her body.

  • Bubs

    Of course I know it. Where do you think I bury all my hookers spend my summers?

  • George (Jay) Stein

    No it wasn’t.
    No Tomorrow

    Le Matos.

    It’s an original soundtrack. Try watching the movie that you’re supposed to be watching

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Auschwitz was in Poland.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Sure would you like a free abortion with that?

  • instant relief

    Sure, but isn’t it considered murder 4 years after the fact?

  • instant relief

    I didn’t know anything about the camps. I thought they were shooting Wet Hot German Summer.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I grew up with Quake III arena and CS too you know. You gotta rate things based on their own merits.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    She looks exactly like my used-to-be physics teacher in that 2010 photo. God, I can still remember the sweat stains in her armpits when she was demonstrating rotation with a key chain. The horror, the horror!

  • #bodyshaming

  • Like Icare

    #mentalhealthshaming

  • Like Icare

    I’m gonna go with “booze” and 93% humidity at 34 C in Tennessee.

  • Like Icare

    Now back to 9/11…

    So, when is that Max Landis episode happening?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    tuesday.

  • instant relief

    It’s a nice documentary about Chris.

  • instant relief

    I got 9/11 problems, but a plane ain’t one?!?!

    Oh, it’s the 19th already. I’m so sorry. No, I’m not. Fuck you for judging me!

  • This is borderline existential. https://vimeo.com/139767538

  • Good thing you didn’t say it was a Polish death camp. You’d get the Polish embassy on your ass. They’d be demanding a formal apology and an errata in a newspaper.

  • instant relief

    I’d kill myself again, if I wasn’t dead already.

  • instant relief

    Obligatory tuesday upvote!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you took the words out of my mouth.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No, but the paper works a bitch.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    hahahahah “Shooting.”

  • Earth

    Maybe a Wes Craven marathon? A wretched gathering of schlock and artistry.

  • instant relief

    I laughed so hard I passed gas and now I got banned from Schindler’s list.

  • I wouldn’t count on it airing before the next 9/11.

  • instant relief

    Ok, we have a deal!

  • *put the cum in
    #omi

  • instant relief

    Copyright infringement!

  • I claim fair use!

  • Earth

    God help me. Doctor Who’s back tonight. I don’t plan to watch it.

    It’s a pity the rest of Britain will.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Bad Earth! its going to be great.

  • Earth

    Oh I forgot, the Commonwealth and US of A love it too.

  • Earth

    Just a heads up for anyone who knows how to do this shit, Michael Collins has been posted onto Dawn of Disqus twice.

    Maybe it’s stylistically designed to be that way, just thought I should let you know.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Omie loved Doctor Who… and butt sex…

  • instant relief
  • Alex

    It could’ve been a great game if you actually could “control” some of the events of the story. Scripted games like these are the reason why I didn’t enjoy the Uncharted-series or The Last Of Us as much as I wanted to.
    Is it really so hard nowadays to branch out the story and create different outcomes for a game?

  • Mm… preggers.

  • instant relief

    You’re too late, her belly is already jull of jizz.

  • instant relief

    Who doesn’t love butt sex!?
    #PUNTASTICNWORD

  • tOmy`

    Oh yea, I agree, but I just have hard time doing that when it comes to shooters and I know it is a bit of my fault. The reason why I mentioned UT is because it kinda “broke” me and warped my perceptions and expectations.

    Consider this: I am unable to play CS (I love watching it tho), I never cared for Borderlands / Metro too much, Bulletstorm straight up pissed me off, even playing Battlefields / CoD on LAN frustrates me a bit. And last LAN I basically gave up on Team Fortress 2. I dunno why, it’s just a thing I have. I think the only FPS I enjoyed a lot “lately” was L4D2.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    People without anus’s.

  • instant relief

    I apologize for existing.

  • Alex

    Finally you you’re back at reviewing a ‘smaller’ movie, you frauds. Feel free to do that more often and and less of those Bay or Sandler films. It’s no fun picking those apart anymore since they’re basically cloned movies.

  • tOmy`

    Well, since you somewhat brought it up, there is a thing I didn’t mention: Shooting things in Spec Ops is fucking satisfying. The gunplay is neat, it feels like you are handling real guns and the amount of gore really helps the feeling.

  • instant relief

    Cogito ergo cum, Dr. Who has no sphincter?

  • Alex

    As soon as Max wakes up in Plinkett’s basement to solve stupid puzzles.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Possibly… I have never seen a Gallifreyan proctologist.

  • What is this. Saw?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Mr Plinkett.: “Solve this Rubik’s Cube or I’ll gouge out your other eye!”

  • instant relief

    Poor Gallifreyans. How do they even reproduce without buttseks?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *Peggers.

  • tOmy`

    I think it had some problems, but it is absolutely worth recommendations.

  • instant relief

    Yes. Tits!

  • Speaking of Max Landis… The rant continues.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiNW2Kn6jQA

  • tOmy`

    As a person who basically crushes TV shows and snorts them on a regular basis, I never cared about Dr. Who.

    It won’t ever beat Justified. Nobody can.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Midiclorinate sulfide.

  • tOmy`

    Skrillex hair? Check. Hipster tank top while not having any muscles? Check. Fake plastic Ray-Bans? Check.

    Confirmed for desperately trying to look kewl. On a radio.

  • Alex

    I’m guessing it has something to do that there are less ‘Insert penis here’ conversations.
    Which is a good thing.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Next year from Disney….
    ‘SS JarJar’s List.’
    JarJar: “Osa mesa losta da list…. Now alsa Jewsa gonna die!”

  • I saw that one coming.

  • TapewormBike

    Well, I think my question is obvious – which Bond opening song is the best? While I love Shirley Bassey, I think (blush blush) my favourite one is seriously Living Daylights. And that’s 80s, so fuck you.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Diamonds are Forever.

  • TapewormBike

    Ah, shit, you had to be classy.

  • tOmy`

    – Nancy’s You Only Live Twice (I absolutely dig the lyrics, “This dream is for you / so pay the price” is one of my fav music lines).

    – Armostrong’s We Have All The Time In The World

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I had to beat Mr Wint to it.

  • TapewormBike

    What an evening that must’ve been.

  • tOmy`

    And one more honorable mention: This is obviously not an official Bond track, but holy shit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN8GcRGNWe4

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Honorable mention for “Scorpio”

    https://youtu.be/9QEsjd1WZuY

  • Palpatine

    You’re asking the wrong person here. I don’t care for Bond.

  • TapewormBike

    You might still like Adele or something.

  • Palpatine

    She’s a good singer.

  • TapewormBike

    I find dead horses to be the most fun to beat.

  • tOmy`

    About 7 different singers on the official James Bond soundtrack collection beg to differ.

    But I will allow it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    The whole ‘Decksanddrums.’ album is one of the greatest things made by mankind.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah well, I’ve never heard those other ones.

  • TapewormBike

    I don’t think I mind any of her songs, although I am never blown away.

  • TapewormBike

    *off

    #ForOmi:(

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The one Jack White did. Because I like ear rape.

  • tOmy`

    Bonus points for intro of Velvent Pants (that 69 joke) and Spybreak non-edited for Matrix with the beatbox-like opening.

    Yes. That album rawks.

  • Palpatine

    Who doesn’t?

  • TapewormBike

    It was better than the Casino Royale one at least.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, me neither, I was just making a joke. But I will always prefer the “classy” Bond songs.

  • TapewormBike

    I’m all up for trashy anything (and she’s pretty classy as far as pop singers go), but it’s a blandofest

  • tOmy`

    Yep. It is a “classy” music made for masses. I agree that she is talented and possibly even a good person, but there is a lot of current female singers who just put her music (not singing) to shame.

  • TapewormBike

    And Kevin Bacon.

  • tOmy`

    Check that album out, it is really great. Plus you will know few of the tracks from radio – Diamonds, Living Daylights, From Russia etc. are still widely played.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think Casino Royale theme is decent. Or maybe I’m just a Chris Cornell apologist.

  • tOmy`

    *And the ZOO!

  • TapewormBike

    ‘s allright.

  • tOmy`

    Is it because he showed you how to live?

    BA-DUM-I-MISS-RATM

  • Palpatine

    I’ll do it tomorrow.

  • TapewormBike

    I am lazy to check the release schedules: With the PSL season almost upon us, are there any scary movies worth looking forward to? (and their reviews).

  • tOmy`

    Just rewatch Mad Max and pray for the miracle.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    PSL?

  • Earth

    It’s treated as God’s Gift here (mainly because it’s the only half-decent show exported from Britain in the last five years) so the hype has always been suffocating. It’s died down a little this year. Maybe people are finally catching on.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    When i as much younger and living in a share house….
    We bought a 2nd hand bass guitar amp and used it as a sub woofa. this caused a neighbor to call the cops every time we played any music.
    So we hooked the stereo up to the solar power and every time the mains power went out we would blast solar powered sound and go to the back room and listen to a police scanner….
    the minute the call went out for a noise complaint we shut every thing down and sat around a candle in the lounge till the cops showed up.
    “Noise Complaint? here? the power is out! I think this might be a nuisance call officer….”

  • TapewormBike

    Pumpkin Spice Latte. What fucking pseudohipster are you?

  • Earth

    Butt sex is understandable at least.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Crimson Peak I guess though the most horrifying about it will probably be Charlie Hunnam trying to act.

  • Palpatine

    Do horror movies even come out in October any more?

  • TapewormBike

    Probably only the shitty ones that need the boost from people looking for a spooky stuff to see.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Only if Halloween is a on a Tuesday.

  • TapewormBike

    The scariest of work days.

  • tOmy`

    And this is what Prague does to people.

  • Earth

    People don’t like horror movies anymore. Too jump-scary.

  • tOmy`

    Oh come on, he was so great in Sons of Anarchy!

    *cocks shotgun*

    I’ll g-…. you know what, fuck it, he’ll go first.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    As an outsider i must say…. Prague is kinda Hipster.

  • TapewormBike

    That¨s pretty homophobic. We’re all just obviously gay.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yeah but i cant say that, it would be racist.

  • tOmy`

    Okay guys, the important question is: Who wants some MCR trivia? Who is ready for Miley Cyrus review? Will Fast & Furi… Fas… Furious 7 win an Oscar?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its going to win more Oscars than Boyhood!

  • Michael Collins

    The Devils Advocate, discuss..

  • Palpatine

    Both.

  • tOmy`

    *shivers* Miley Cyrus – Miley Cyrus And Her Dead Petz

    tl;dr version: If you don’t care much about music, skip this album as fast as you can. If you care about creativity in music industry and are interested in “unique” sound… well, I guess you can give it a listen or two. I gave it around five.

    “Dude, as if I am not fucking awkward enough / I mean: You put me in these fucking situations / And I look like a dumb-ass bitch / And I am not a fucking dumb-ass bitch”.
    So Hannah Montana finally broke them shackles of her previous contract and now she can do… art stuff. She can openly mumble about her sex life, drugs, love and dead blowfish. Yes, dead blowfish. And the outcome is polarizing. Very, very polarizing.

    First things first: Miley is a good singer and talented enough to shift genres. Flaming Lips production was always more than golden. And (semi-)together these artists explore brevity – both alienating their fanbase in pursuit of making this 92 minutes long album work. And there lies the biggest problem of this album: No, it ain’t Miley Cyrus, no, it ain’t the lyrical clusterfuck of dumping ground of ideas, it is the fucking runtime. You see, if there was a vision, it could work much, much better. But having tone all over the place, random unfinished ideas popping here and there, awkward sexual lyrics shifting into acoustic-based pop songs and almost baffling production makes the 92 minutes a bit bland… it’s just a projectile vomit heading towards your earphones – and frankly, some of it will stay with you for better or worse.

    On the other hand (yes, there is the other hand): It is fucking hard to hate. You know, I was going for this album just to make fun of it. But… there is no reason for that. Sure, there is enough of moments that make you cringe and laugh and, if the world was much better place, we could reference some of it to the point of it becoming memes. It is not forgettable, but it is a bit unremarkable. It is not stupid, it is baffling. It is not poorly executed, it just lacks vision. Any vision. But that is what it was supposed to be, right? Just a surprise, free release of random artsy / experimental stuff working as a deranged window into Miley’s soul, heart and vagina. And because of that, it deserves at least some kind of slack.

    The last thing I would like to do here is to compare it to Kanye West’s Dark Twisted Fantasy album. Is it fair? Fuck no. You see, Kanye’s album has that reputation of “This shouldn’t work. Why the fuck does it work so damn well?” In Miley’s case it’s: “This shouldn’t work at all. Why the fuck is it listenable?”. And this mayhem is listenable – it is even possible to break down to all 32 separate tracks and shove them into different playlists of trash-meets-art. But the whole construct is simply off. It’s like a collection of b-sides that is interesting, but hardly justifiable as a whole. To put it simply: Is there any merit in it? Yes. Is it creative? Yes. Is it working? Most likely not. But is it a way that could transform Miley into… *shivers* something arty and interesting? Well… maybe. We shall see. 6/10

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Welcome back. Uh is it just me or is Daryl Hannah basically eroding over time? #stopitdaryl

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Music? I thought the Cyruses basically did their own version of audible jizz and the stupid American consumer lapped it up.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Totally spoopy. Especially when that one lady’s face went all vag.

    There’s nothing scarier than a shorn clam. You never know what horrors ladies have under all those folds.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Worth seeing just to see Pacino chewing scenery.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Oh, if it weren’t for Al, we’d have no functional definition of hackfraud.

    Heat: “Gimme all you got!” I can’t cringe anymore because of that movie.

  • tOmy`

    Well, that period is over now.

    We are in the self-defining, trash-defying, art-de… somethingining phase.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    In Hollywood we call it a Crash. But that’s only because the VMA committee is a bunch of 401-K holding drama queens.

  • tOmy`

    People loved Crash to appear smart.

    People will hate this album to appear smart.

  • Michael Collins

    OK, totally don’t get the hate, considering what’s come after, TDA , is a pretty good movie..

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I talk in front of a green screen to make millions per month. Hannah Montana screams through an autotune, sound board, whatever. She makes about a trillion a year, and she looks like the un-hot piccolo player from marching band. Tomato Tomato

  • Michael Collins

    An aside to the “regs”, stop fucking posting just to post.
    You’re skewing this shit up…

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Hey, where else are they going to get a chance to spew about their favorite shit? It’s not like WordPress is free or anything. Ohhhhh

  • George

    Turbo Kid was great – thanks for tipping me off about it.

  • That sucks! Demand more welfare.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    No hate, it’s actually really good. I like Keanu, I’m not going to lie. He’s never done anything bad. Ever.

    Charlize Theron is overdramatic. The special effects are too in-your-face. I would just have liked something subtle. Like the whiffs of hell in Anti-Christ. That would’ve been enough. Take that CG shit and shove it up Charlize’s k-hole.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Really? Where did you see it? I’ve got a Korean bootlegger on call 24/7 and even he can’t find it.

  • tOmy`

    You see, that’s what I don’t get most of the time. If you have a celebrity who we all remember as being that retarded 16yo and we all wished or her to do something else with her life / career, even when she does, people will still use the same insults / opinions: “Auto-tuned young bitch, Disney, nipples etc.”

    But… this is what everyone wanted, right? “Stop being a sucker for Disney!” “Do what you want, girl!” “Show us something actually artistic.” Well, there you have it. She did exactly that. Will people change their opinions? Nah.

  • instant relief

    I hear kids these days like the torrents.

  • tOmy`

    Is this about Miley or Fast & Furious?!

    #ShotsFired

  • tOmy`

    Yea, I have few of those Whosians… Doctorians… whatever these Beliebers call themselves as friends.

    It is weird.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    But what about art? Whatever happened to that? You know that roaring MGM lion logo, it says “art for art’s sake.” I know I’m a sell-out. Why can’t Miley admit she’s one too, and save her fans a lot of time and Instagramming?

    You know who showed her cooze and was a really big star? Tori Amos. Just not entirely because of her cooze. (I mean, if you ever saw her in concert from one of the front rows, that was the most immaculate meatpuff ever astride a piano bench.)

  • dollar store cashier wife

    People don’t rate this shit based on it’s meritis nigga…just like you and FPS booyeah!

    But seriously every single thing Miley does reeks of PR shit. I ain’t feeling so much of an ounce of a genuine artist wanting to express herself. The fact that that music is technically competent means nothing when a rave track can have more soul to it.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I can’t do that. It’s too far below Sunset. (Get it, Torrance?)

  • Michael Collins

    I also felt Charlize character was the weakest part of the movie, but not story breaking, and maybe necessary to drive the story forward.

    As for the cgi, or special effects, that’s just a quibble tbh, they were as much as was needed to drive the story in the right direction, and they were as effective as they were sparse…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    actually the comment section hasn’t been this empty or calm for quite a while now.

  • tOmy`

    Give it a listen. I am pretty sure (and a bit afraid) that this is her way of expressing herself. Finally.

    I will honestly take half-botched attempt at sincerity and artsy craziness over mass-produced product for MTV any day.

  • Michael Collins

    I blame a lack of Andrew for that.
    Which is a good thing.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Yeah but see this is re-make territory. I can totally get behind a reboot of this with the right DP and director. With Keanu. Man, that guy can just sit on a park bench and the whole Web lights up.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    My IT guy says they finally installed a new cPanel App called “competent webmaster.”

  • tOmy`

    But this is it – this is Miley finally un-selling out. I mean fuck, when she “sold out”, she was what, 14? Her contract had to run out for her to start doing what she wanted to do when she was 18 / 20, right? Or whatever her age is. I don’t think we can totally blame her for some of the things she has done musically, because that was pretty much out of her control.

    And if this album is a statement of any kind, the statement is pretty simple: Fuck what I was doing, fuck what kids like, fuck everyone. On paper, this makes sense and it works. The execution not so much, but again: This is what people wanted to hear. The joke is noone will hear it because this is hardly chart material or anything her fans will dig I assume.

  • tOmy`

    I really like that movie. But it has been a while since last time I saw it. I am not sure if my opinion will change, but I assume some of the parts will be freaking great and some a bit awkward.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Paul. Walker. Will always be topical. What boy wouldn’t want to drive an Evo, hang out with a much older, bald man of questionable virtue and sexuality, and possibly hook up with a girl that looks like someone farted in a shoe? I like to joke around, but Paul was one of the best-looking guys to ever wrap himself around a telephone pole. Santa Clarita raised a glass that day.

  • instant relief

    /standingovation

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Hey I was a kid actor too. I was doing Taco Bell before I could legally tell my parents to shove it, even though they had to make special food for me to shove in my mouth during the shoot. I get it. The distinction is that everything in Hollywood is a game, and the dice are fixed. Knowing that and being true to yourself are keys to success, and not making your fanbase feel like they were conned. So what if you’re typecast as an asshole or a blackheart? At least nobody will ever think I rode a wrecking ball with any sincerity!

  • tOmy`

    Oh, and speaking of PR: This album is absolutely unmarketable. Lips fans are hating on Miley since she recorded tracks with them, Miley’s fans will be shocked, anyone under 18 shouldn’t even be able to hear it and any chart / music station won’t touch it, because it is way too out there / explicit and when it ain’t, it’s boring as fuck. Critics will give it avg. reviews and some music nerds (yea, I know) will talk about it for few weeks just to get to the bottom of what just happened.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room? Can’t we hire Donald Trump to take away M Night Shyamalan’s citizenship and his SAG card and put him on whatever island they stashed Ken Lay? I’m not asking for Gitmo for this guy, but I’m close. #mnightgitmo

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Strangely, I’m getting a lot of spam about hair loss. Real mature guys.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Let me clarify for the folks on Twitter: between The Job and Being Michael Madsen she’s been sculpted like the Grand Coulee Dam. That’s right, I went to “a college.”

  • tOmy`

    I just heard the new Prince album. I now understand why PaKent left and I am quite afraid we will never ever hear about him again.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    My producer is saying I need to give the right attribution, I probably heard about the Grand Coulee Dam in This Land Is Your Land by Woody Guthrie. God I hate Viacom.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    How do you have time? I have a media producer and even she takes breaks to sleep and eat. Lazy skank.

  • tOmy`

    Well, it’s weekend, I have a home office job and all I do today is comment here / chat on FB before heading to pub and playing RCT on other PC, so I have enough of time to listen to music all day.

    Altough I did not expect I am gonna have to keep on staring at speakers with an utter shock on my face while my guests vomit on the other screen all over the freaking park making me constantly load.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    That is some of the strangest jumbled text I’ve ever seen. It’s like po-po-poetry. That’s a Max Headroom reference. George Lucas get bent.

    You might consider becoming a media producer. Writing your own reviews, but GET A CONTRACT. Don’t let those dicks fuck with your salad.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    OT advice requested: I want to start gaming online but the last great thing I enjoyed was Resistance: Fall of Man. Then it got swarmed with laggers and twitches and was no fun. Don’t give me any of that PC shit, I want console only.

    And don’t tell me GTA 5. Every other thread on Reddit is “stop killing me, you dick.” I know, I’ve done my research.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    Mostly yeast and some fungi

  • bleurgh

    Live and Let Die, by Wings, the band the Beatles could have been.

  • bleurgh

    Early Bond is great. A lot of the charm left after the Connery years and not because of Connery leaving. They just lost the tone which made the films work in the first place and haven’t been able to get it back since. The pacing, the cinematography and even the music is off. There’s shots in the old Bond movies where the character is just walking down a hallway and this booming ominous music is playing and it really sells the idea that you are watching what is essentially a bunch of dangerous sadistic sociopaths do shady shit. Then the movies became farcical and absurd parodies of themselves, then generic action films, then now, slightly more creative action films with some, but nowhere near enough of the elements of the original films.

  • bleurgh

    It’s substantially less than that man. Something like $484 a fortnight i.e. $968 a month.

  • Palpatine
  • tOmy`

    It would be a small step for Jorgé yet giant victory for fanbase.

  • instant relief

    Actually it’s only yet another victory for Jorgé’s wallet.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It’s a guilty pleasure ruined by Theron’s character being mis-used. Her character seems like a left over from an earlier draft when the movie was a “serious” horror movie and kept in the final ‘camp’ version we got.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’m always in tears by the end of “We Have All The Time In The World” so I guess that one. Yeah.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’m just glad no one’s found The Tripods yet and mucked with it.

    Oh shit, I said too much…

  • tOmy`

    Oh, speaking of: I have good news for you! I just found out that A-HA have a brand new album!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And Walt Disney’s treasury.

  • George

    Probably one of those useless South Koreans though, right? It’s all happening over the border these days, don’t you know.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    STAR WARS YEAH! STAR WARS!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wasn’t Paul Walker a Dinosaur?

  • Palpatine

    Go jerk off your R5-D4 toy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have only seen the original Star Wars Trilogy on the big screen in a revival screening. Now that we can possibly have it again what film should be re-released into theaters? For me it should be The Lord of The Rings films and Raiders of The Lost Ark only with walkie talky guns and ewoks.

  • Earth

    Whovians.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Speaking of 9-11, at 9:11 or so, what is that thing flying out of Mike’s forehead? Just a camera artifact, or a bug, or what? It’s fast, only in three frames that I see.

  • RLMkeepitup

    was it really bugging you?

  • RLMkeepitup

    they can shoehorn in ads for the new movie.. it’s gonna be great

  • Joe Syxpac

    No. It was the original name for the AT-AT.

  • tOmy`

    It was artifacting him.

  • Like Icare

    I used to love me some “For Your Eyes Only” but it kinda tired me out.
    “GoldenEye” kinda did the same. Way too much airtime.

    Currently I hold on my phone “You Know My Name” (one thing worth anything about them fake Bond movies) and “Tomorrow Never Dies” (Crow’s gotta voice on ‘er).

  • tOmy`

    Regarding this video: http://i.imgur.com/qTmz1th.png

  • Palpatine

    Maybe it was one of those mythical flying rod creatures.

  • Like Icare

    Vicarious fun.

    Same thing as with Indiana Jones, only dialed up to 007 (HA! Get it!).
    It is NOT supposed to be realistic or dramatic.
    It’s supposed to be to espionage what noir is to crime.
    Taking the basic elements of the game and ELECTRIFYING THEM!

    There’s a reason all women are walking innuendos and why all the bad guys are out for nothing less than the world and why all the henchmen are about as subtle as a clown at a funeral.

  • tOmy`

    Chupacabra?

  • Palpatine

    No, flying rods are apparently flying creatures of some kind with a rod like shape to them. The logical explanation is that they’re just optical illusions caused by lights.

  • tOmy`

    Oh my god, why did I look it up…

    I hate freaking insect. If I wasn’t a serial killer, I would definitely be an exterminator. I am already good with Raid.

  • Palpatine

    Ooh, I also hate bugs.

  • TapewormBike

    Finally something we can all agree on.

  • TapewormBike

    I have heard about this, but “flying rods” is too giggle inducing to be mysterious.

  • Palpatine

    You are a bug! Or are you a parasite?

  • tOmy`

    The joke is he is a Bee Car.

    #FanTrivia

  • TapewormBike

    I identify as a fucking idiot though.

  • TapewormBike

    Go forth in the thing your people call “real world”

  • Domo

    I think the two bears in the photo saw it first.

    Y’know, since those bears have pretty much seen everything. Murder, bottle throwing, bleeding from the ears, bloody vomit, vegetable chopping. All while sober!

    And now, a UFO.

  • tOmy`

    The next tram leaves in 20 minutes. Life is not fair.

  • tOmy`

    At least we know that all of these things are bearable

  • Like Icare

    You knows… I was just at the supermarket.
    And I pick me up some bread and I turn around and I’m face to face with fuckin Darth Vader.
    Well… a cardboard stand with his face… mask… ya know… Anyway…
    It’s glasses. You kno… to drink from. With orginal trilogy characters.

    And Solo’s has “Rebel”, “Scoundrel”, “Loner” and words to that effect printed on it.
    And they are nice glasses. Quality moichendise.
    And I reach for the stormtrooper one, on the upper shelve… And I see “Disney’s” printed on Vader’s mask… face…
    And I just laugh and put it back and go and get me some other stuff.

    Seriously… It’s was the first time I looked at Star Wars as if it is something not appropriate to my age, ointelect, character… You kno… For kids.
    And I’m the guy who don’t give shit about shit like that.
    I have “Trust me I’m a Jedi” shirt and all.

    Did I just adult a little or something?

  • Domo
  • TapewormBike

    You have literally said exactly what I was gonna. You really need to rethink some life decisions.

  • tOmy`

    You know what they say: It takes a felt animal to know a felt animal.

    It’s in the Bible or something.

  • TapewormBike

    It’s…uhhh..polarizing…?

  • Domo

    Verse 13:43.

    From chapter Farm Safety, Family Style.

  • Like Icare

    Remember that time that giant bug attacked Germany?
    http://www.gearthblog.com/images/images906/giantbug.jpg

    True story. It was on google.

  • TapewormBike

    She’s a monster, though.

  • Palpatine

    Which kind of bears are we talking about here?

  • TapewormBike

    The fun and cuddly ones.

  • tOmy`

    No matter what 9GAG claims, these things are horrifying death machines. The only thing they gonna eventually cuddle once you start playing with them is your carcass.

  • TapewormBike

    That’s a really skewed view of gay subcultures.

  • TapewormBike
  • Like Icare

    Overdramatic? Really? In THIS moopie?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DMDscGOUpg

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is it Mike’s penis?

  • RLMkeepitup

    the phantom penace

  • Percy Gryce

    Never watched Voyager, eh? Can’t blame you.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Take your liberal bullshit somewhere else, you… you worm!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Gold Finger. And the Duran Duran one. I think it was called Dance Into The Fire or something. Oh, wait: A View To A Kill.

    And this is the best would-be Bond theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EpIutKIekk

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • WrongWithYourFace

    Having dreams about them pod races again, Palpy?

  • Palpatine

    I wanted to be a pod racer when I was a kid.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    Pretty good. Also, I should mention that because you don’t own the likeness to my character, I won’t be able to appear in the film. You can mention me though.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Are we allowed to talk about Mike’s penis?

  • Like Icare

    You know… that ain’t a bad idea.
    But I just can’t see that anyone would have the will to go around and replacing every copy of the Bible with an identical copy various public domain works of fiction.

    It’d be easier to find someone willing to napalm the Vatican.

    While we’re on that topic, what is Pope doing to prevent drone incidents?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRslKeT0EmQ

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *pod racist

    Is that why you created Annie to be one?

  • Like Icare

    I thought he was a carrot?

  • Like Icare
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Don’t worry. We have the ultimate MILF Helen Mirren on stand by.

  • Like Icare

    They’re slow moving, big and really hard to miss?

  • Like Icare

    I once heard a legend that L. Ron Hubbard did, taking various parts of it for Battlefield Earth.

  • Palpatine

    You can’t use my name either. Disney will be pissed.

  • Like Icare

    I thought that was Amy…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why not just use Palpy? They won’t know the difference.

  • Like Icare

    Just drop the ‘e’ at the end.

  • RLMkeepitup

    just don’t stare like some weird duck

  • Palpatine

    You can’t use Palpy, Palpatine, Sheev Palpatine, Frank Palpatine, Senator Palpatine, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, Emperor Palpatine, or Darth Sidious. You can use Emperor though.

  • Like Icare

    “Teenage Crap (Don’t Do It) Part ??” beats Depp in “No Really. These Are Real Eyes And Totally Not Contacts”.
    http://variety.com/2015/film/news/maze-runner-black-mass-everest-box-office-1201597589/

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’re stretching this joke out thin like butter scrapped over too much bread.

  • Captain Turbo

    $3000 Australian? How many kangaroos can you buy with that?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Chicago

  • WrongWithYourFace

    So what you’re saying is… he may have gone too far in a few places?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    More so than me complaining Anne, being creepy about Karen O, and using Bilbo Baggins quotes!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    For Black Mass those are good numbers, for Teenage Crap Lousy Ceiling that’s not good. Even that one I saw with Kate Winslet that looked like a Resident Evil movie did better.

  • Earth

    I want a Doctor Who episode with basically the same premise as The Visit.

  • fred

    –and it all sounded the same. I said it was LIKE the same shit.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I just watched the trailer for the live-action adaptation of the Jungle Book. It reminded me of like a 90s movie trailer; when CG was still young enough to to permissibly bad.

  • Palpatine

    I think it’s a little too early to be remaking The Jungle Book.

  • fred

    Michael Mann makes the best fucking shootouts.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you cant buy roo’s you have to catch you own and train it for riding.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Someone (I’m looking at you Moffat.) Really liked Mad Max: Fury Road.
    The doctors first appearance was riding on a tank playing electric guitar, for no reason. George Millers gonna sue.

  • instant relief

    Ah, in that case I won’t become an Australian citizen.

  • instant relief

    He also makes an awesome chai latté.

  • bleurgh

    You’re talking about the Moore years, which are the shittiest Bond movies by far. The original films had at least a little subtlety.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Quit fucking around you frauds, give us a Best of the Worst: Troma versus Full Moon (2 films each) or a Troma vs AIP vs Full Moon. Only one can rule the 80’s.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Sadly, that will be after the rape and torture. ;_;

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Waiting on a funny joke to hit…

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    I want the Doctor Who fad to fuck off. I also want the lousy writing and convoluted scripts to go. A return to multi-part stories would be so much better.

  • instant relief

    Sorry to disappoint, but there’s no joke.

  • Palpatine

    With “special” guest star Max Landis.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    With a lightning round between PM Entertainment and New World Pictures.

  • Like Icare

    Pussy Galore and her all women flying circus, ejection seat Aston Martin with machine guns in the headlights, laser which can project an image on the Moon, villain who smuggles gold in the form of a car while trying to nuke Fort Knox, a henchman who is an “Asian” giant called Oddjob who decapitates people with a bowler hat, Nazi gold and parties of golf with bets which would be in a million dollar range in today’s money, finest booze and tailor-made suits… and a grandma with a machine gun.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=aPfAUnDP9GE#t=252

    Fast cars, fast women, fine living, gambling and fighting and drinking… ELECTRIFIED!
    All that is a quintessential Connery.

    And then there’s that bit where Dr. No was supposed to be a monkey in the early version of the script.

  • Like Icare

    Teenage Crap I have no plan of seeing ever.

    Black Mass… it reeks of a mess to me.

    Trailers failed to get me interested in any way, director is practically synonymous with character studies that go nowhere and then they end, and those contacts just look so cheap and fake and unnatural that they throw me out of the scene and I have to keep wondering how anyone could have seen that and okayed it.

    That guy was running around for 16 years, almost all that time being on the FBI’s most wanted list. If he looked like a vampire someone would have noticed and reported that.

    I don’t know.

    I fear it will be pointlessly gory and over the top to hide the fact that it is a misguided movie.

  • Like Icare

    And architecture shots. Man(n) loves him some architecture.

    There’s a feel of… near religious fascination with architecture coupled with his characters feeling like being on the “outside” of the world.
    They walk on the surface the world but they don’t inhabit it.

    They are insular. Alien. People with their own world inside them, their own code and their own rules.

  • Alex

    They are ghosts by now, so beating them feels a bit…ambitious.

  • Like Icare

    No… Not really.

    When people say “do something else” they mean one of two things.
    “Do something that’s good and not crap” which most often just means that other thing – “do something I, personally, like”.

    And when she tries to “show something artistic” but fails… Guess what?
    She ain’t no artist.
    She might be a fine performer, but she ain’t no artist.

    An artist needs to express and lay bare personal feelings and ideas.
    Does she have anything to express? All her life so far was show business and being adored for being a crowd pleaser or just being treated like a child. While living a life completely detached from the reality of everyone else.

    So when you put all that together…
    You’d get exactly what you describe.

    A burst of trying to please everyone while sharing nothing but language and biology with her species, while trying to express herself and having nothing really special to express nor skill to crystallize that into something truly existentialist.
    She hasn’t lived a life worth singing about. So far at least.

  • 33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxkbddP2un1qcykapo1_400.gif

  • The worst of the worst.

  • Rich Evans, the PokeyMan master: “My paper just raped your scissors.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZQtia9ZyyQ

  • I lolled

  • As an extra, he should play in drag. Because, you know, all of the bots have female avatars.

  • Alex

    One of the sickest webseries out there, later it gets almost Lynch-style, the editing is great too:
    https://vimeo.com/118394841

  • This is borderline mental.

  • tOmy`

    Someone has to finally step up and ask the important question:
    What the fuck is Maze Runner?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think it’s the latest trendy movie based off a young adult novel that aims to steal away some of the success from The Hunger Games.

    Omitted probably already went to the midnight premiere of it.

  • Earth

    With you there. The worst part is that idiots all over the world seem to swallow this shit with joy.

  • Earth

    Ugh. Anything Moffat touches is tainted forever.

  • Earth

    And what’s a Scorch Trial?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Scotch Trial? Mike and Jay would get pass that one real easy.

  • Captain Turbo

    The Hunger Games meets the Goblet of Fire.

  • Like Icare

    Cash grab following that trend of young retard fiction, started with Harry Potter and continued through Twilight and fuckall other serials aimed at kids with little or no critical thinking, literary experience or sense of quality.

    And from what I’ve seen… it’s just more “you are special” and “meeh… evil gubermint… blah… something” crap.

  • Palpatine

    The latest Running Man ripoff.

  • Palpatine

    He must have a lot of free time now that he no longer comments on here.

  • tOmy`

    So no. Thanks!

  • Now with 100% more angsty Teenagers!

  • tOmy`

    “Young kid good because young kid gifted. Young kid good because young kid could be you. Something something prophecy. Now buy the damn popcorn and pay for trailers, bitches.”

    – Hollywood execs, circa 2015

  • Palpatine

    That sounds like the plot to the Prequels.

  • tOmy`

    Or Harry Potter.

    #ShotsFired

  • Palpatine

    Oh no you dinin’t!

  • tOmy`

    Do we… do we say “lolled” around here?

  • tOmy`

    Especially after Vietnam.

  • Palpatine

    Or the story of Jesus.

  • Boss has been off Gunga cocaine for some time, cut him some slack.

  • tOmy`

    I clicked on the link and the first thing I saw was MGS Jack solo play. So I clicked on that link and first thing I noticed was:

    “Jack, the mission briefing tells you your main objective. Everything else is optional. Don’t say the game is unclear when you ignore all the information it provides.”
    “That’s sort of jack’s thing. Ignore everything and then bitch about it later.”

    #ExpectationsMeetReality

  • Like Icare

    Rewatched Miller’s Crossing last night. Goddamn is that a good movie.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Potter seemed to have decent writing and got a lot of kids interested in reading again or for the first time. At least it was a story, twilight is just teenage angst with sparkles.

  • tOmy`

    Agreed. I just love taking potshots at HP, because people overhype it for all the wrong reasons.

  • tOmy`

    Oh God, he doesn’t know how to lower the volume of a game?

    Isn’t he like a tech-something?

  • Palpatine

    It’s sort of in the retired phase now, but people still love it. Now it’s all about post apocalyptic sports movies.

  • That’s why they don’t pay him.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2ufwRs0NbA

  • tOmy`

    The decent writing of HP is the biggest lie ever. It was decently written to be easily consumed. In that aspect, it was brilliant.

    Unfortunately, once you start paying attention to what is happening, why is it happening, how is it happening and remember what happened in the previous book, the magic (puntastic!) is gone.

  • Earth

    What Best of the Worst movies should be remade?

    I want Shakma to be remade with all the RLM crew’s suggestions.

  • RLMkeepitup

    wouldn’t every writer want a page turner though? i’m sure you sacrifice a bit of logic for entertainment along the way. but its a magical story so there we go.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’d like the one where people die working out in the gym only because it might force them to hire some chicks again.

  • Palpatine

    Anyone watching the Emmy’s tonight?

  • Palpatine

    Death Spa.

  • Palpatine

    WotW or just plain BotW?

  • tOmy`

    I might. I have few “horses” in that “race”.

  • Palpatine

    What are your picks?

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Palpatine

    Oh my God, he looks like something out of Power Rangers!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Fuk Ja!

  • tOmy`

    Comedy: Veep
    Drama: I would love to see Better Call Saul winning, but GoT and especially Mad Men have better chances (for better or worse).
    Talk Series: Jon Stewart
    Sketch: Inside Amy Schumer
    Comedy actress: Louis-Dreyfus for Veep.
    Actor Drama: Could be a neat fight between Mad Men, BCS and House of Cards.
    Supporting Actor comedy: Tony Hale / Ty Burrell
    Supporting Actress comedy: Anna Chlumsky
    Supporting Actor drama: Peter Dinklage
    Supporting Actress drama: GoT characters
    Direction comedy: Veep (the best fucking episode ever)
    Direction drama: Boardwalk Empire
    Direction variety: Jon Stewart
    Writing comedy: Veep
    Writing drama: BCS
    Writing variety: John Oliver

  • RLMkeepitup

    You could have just glimpsed a future universe crossover coming in January : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3717490/

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Definitely, but to be fair; I’ve noticed that there is a Minority Report spin off show, there has been a spin off show of Parenthood (based off the Ron Howard movie) for a couple years now, The Daredevil show, The Hannibal Show, etc. I think the trend is just to rehash shit.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Watched Turbo Kid last night; I’m okay with it. I counted like 5 establishing shots of the ‘bad guy’s’ stronghold. And like someone mentioned before; it’s just MadMax on BMX bikes.

  • Like Icare

    Every commercial writer aiming for nothing more than how many copies get sold.
    50 Shades are based on exactly that kind of writing.

    I just read a critique of a local (Croatia) crime “novel” titled “Novel which needs to be forgotten”.
    To cut it short, it’s nothing special, it fails to even check the correct genre boxes (e.g. all cops are constantly pointed out to be corrupt… but that leads nowhere in the story nor does it serve any purpose… corrupt policeman walks and talks… meh…) and then to spice it up it switches locations to Thailand and adds some “colonial” (i.e. racist) humor.

    Review ends with a note that said 2-hour-read was chosen as the best crime novel by the readers at the local book festival.

    You want a page-turner – you must write to the lowest common denominator and then you must entertain and flatter him.
    Meaning that you need to produce crap and lies.

  • Like Icare

    It’s “Fuck it. It’s for kids. They don’t know any better.” lazy ass writing.

    Where “kids” is interchangeable with “retards”.
    First book/movie with frog and vomit chocolates makes it quite obvious that the entire series runs on “Fuck it. This is for retards.” rules.

  • Like Icare

    Wait… National City? Really?

    Where is it situated? In the country of Western Hemisphere Country?
    On the banks of river Water? Which pours into Coastal Ocean?
    On the planet Earth? Oh… Wait… OK, that one makes sense.

  • Like Icare

    You forgot to add “Fuck you” before January.

  • Like Icare

    After careful consideration my conclusion is – none of them.

  • This ‘Nass on drugs’ is getting out of hand. Soon the feds will find me and kick down my door and shove probes up my but. I AM NOT ON DRUGS. I just don’t have the time to be here for the moment. I pop in I admit everyday. I read what I can. Anything I think is funny I follow up on. If there is spam I go for broke. That’s why there is incoherent nonsense from my part.

    Also drugs.

  • I just want to fit in. I’m old now and don’t know how to bee cool.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    If they got Ricky Gervais back as a host then yes. If not then emmy’s can go jump off a cliff.

  • instant relief

    I gotta admit I’ver neven seen it, though I’ve always been curious.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Is there such a thing as a combined DVD, BluRay and VCR player?

  • Like Icare
  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I saw that; little pricy though. Do you think BluRay is a fad or is it worth investing in?

  • Like Icare

    Scroll down for more realistic pricing.
    Amazon’s pricing/availability algorithms are going crazy again.

    http://www.michaeleisen.org/blog/?p=358

  • TapewormBike

    If you’re talking longterm, not sure about any physical media, really

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Oh….

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Yeah, that’s way too much. I can buy a new bluray player standalone for like 50 bucks.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow
  • dollar store cashier wife

    Blu-ray has been around for almost a decade now and nowdays movies come out sooner on bd/hd streaming/rental then dvd. Of course if you care about picture quality it was never a fad in the first place-I made the switch back in 2010 and I swear to god if I have to watch a movie in home nowdays in lesser quality for whatever reason it instantly ruins the experience for me to some degree.

  • Like Icare

    Yeah… And apparently, that was the only one “in the wild”.
    Strange no one in China bothered to cook up a batch with all those DVD/VHS combo machines out there.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I know right? I have a bunch of VHS tapes (a lot of Ingmar Bergman tapes) that I’m not going to get rid of and want to be able to watch them. SONY makes a cool bluray player that can do basically anything; expect play VHS tapes. You can buy games from the PlayStation store off of it; that’s awesome!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I recently got rid of my PS3 to get a little extra spending money for my trip out west. I now want to get something that has Bluray capabilities; I guess I could just buy another PS3; sort of want to get a Bluray player though. I hadn’t touched my PS3 in ages. I want to get the Stanley Kubrick collection on Bluray because I realize that on Bluray (especially Barry Lyndon/Eyes Wide Shut) his movies probably look amazing. Can’t really justify buying DVDs anymore.

  • Like Icare

    Well… There ARE DVD+VHS combo machines… but you are again buying an extra device.

  • TapewormBike

    We dated briefly, but he was all about his kinks. No real connection.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Your input didn’t match with his output huh?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I’ll probably live without the VHS capabilities… I will probably get that SONY one. I didn’t realize they played DVDs until this morning (I know, I Know; what planet have I been on?). That sort of changes things a bit.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You know that scene in The Matrix: Reloaded where the guy from Oz comes back to his awesome steampunk apartment in Zion and says “where’s my pus-?”

    Oh wait that’s right, nobody saw that movie.

  • Like Icare

    Only way to be sure there is a backup available is to code those movies into animal DNA and start injecting various species on the planet with it.
    Like fruit flies.
    Let’s just start making new breeds of fruit flies with movies in their DNA.
    You know it’s gonna happen eventually, we might as well start now.

    #drmoreauWasntThinkingBigEnough

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You seem to hate everything.

  • Like Icare

    No. You must be thinking of some other movie.
    Bajilions of peoples saw that moopie and played the game which connects to the moopie.
    I remember. I was there.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    A Blu-Ray player isn’t an investment, it’s something that’ll end up in a garage sale. If you’re going to waste some coin, they just dropped the price, so get yourself a Japanese PS4 and do some radical p0wnage. Special bonus: on the Asian versions, the slot is the other direction.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    A thousand bucks? I’m going to buy one just so I can return it to those shameless turds. I’ll leave a RLM VHS in there, buncha heathens.

  • Palpatine

    Kind of like when the unaltered Original Star Wars Trilogy was released on DVD a few years ago in glorious 4:3 aspect ratio.

  • Like Icare

    Unrewound. Make them rewind the tape.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    There was a game? Some sort of tiresome motorcycle chase, a sweaty Carrie-Anne Moss riddling the seams of her black pleathers, and a voiceover by a very bored Jada Plinkett-Smith?

  • Samuel Taylor

    Undertale would make for a great episode of previously recorded

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I’m sorry but I had just enough high school to know drosophila melanogaster doesn’t have enough phenotypes. You need to go to a fruit bat or higher, otherwise your picture will be really grainy.

  • TapewormBike

    Fucking fuck motherfucking catterpllars appearing on my shirt out of nowhere.

    And Turbo Kid looks like fun.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    One word: Imidacloprid.

  • Like Icare

    You played as Jada or that Asian guy who plays the “Ghost” (he’s our best shot) in the moopie.
    Remember that scene when Morpheus falls from the truck during that car chase and lands on top of Jada’s car which just happens to be there?
    Well… it’s your job to get that car to that place.

    And some other shit throughout the game.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by4hyBxRo8E
    Hello 2003!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    What are the benefits of the Japanese version; I thought the PS4 wasn’t BluRay compatible?

  • TapewormBike

    I tried high pitched scream before throwing it out of the window and it worked as well.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    2001 looks orgasmic on blu-ray.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You should see Kubrick’s Moon Landing. You can totally see the backdrop, take it from me.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    The Fly – found in, well, A Fly.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I watched it last night; it’s good. Michael Ironside looks too well fed though for being in the post-apocalypse.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    OMG. I’m gonna steam that just so I can crash that smug Morpheus into a semi.

    Man, that’s giving me a semi.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Probably his most underrated film.

  • Palpatine

    It would take a miracle for there to be a great episode of Pre-Rec.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    No I was hoping you’d know how to pronounce it. My gardener keeps putting it on my pluot tree and I want him to stop.

  • TapewormBike

    Michael Ironside always looked like he is living in the post-apocalypse now, so I bet he’d be prepared.

  • TapewormBike

    What is Zapruder up to these days? I loved his early stuff.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Oh it’s BD certified, all right. I watched Lawrence of Arabia the other night and you can actually see Omar Sharif aging. RIP Omar. You had the best hair in the whole pic!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    He should look haggard. He spent all that time trying to get Maverick “above the hard deck,” if you know what I mean.

  • Samuel Taylor

    Hahaha yeah nobody likes to say it but hey there is always a first time

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, there are plenty of people that love to say it.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t hate Pre-Rec, I just don’t think it’s a good show, but it’s not bad either.

  • TapewormBike

    Fuck, I really ought to get back in gaming, That Until Dawn thing looks great just from the list of people working on it. Graham Reznick? Shit, that’s how you spell good modern horror.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Watch out, I hear Ricky Gervaise is on the prowl for a new sitcom. That’d be a hell of a series: public library staff dealing with old VHS. See, Ricky, that’s where ideas come from you hack.

  • Samuel Taylor

    It’s very…..mediocre which is a shame.

  • Like Icare

    Not really. Honest.

    It’s just that it is far easier to react to negative stimuli (e.g. and itch) than to describe all positive things about some positive stimuli (like how good it feels to have that itch scratched – or to not have an itch at all).

    It’s an evolutionary thing.
    Quickly figuring out that that the situation is unfavorable for you is a far more valuable survival trait than figuring out why you like something.

    Also, on an intellectual level, you can be objective about why something is bad.
    You can’t be objective about why you like something.
    You can try to be… but it still boils down to “I like turtles”.
    Now… You can be objective about why something is good – but that is not why you like it.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, I’m not one of those RLM fans who believes that everything they do is holy and perfect.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You know what’s gonna be fun? The DOOM reboot. Man, that cacodemon sound still gives me goosebumps.

  • Like Icare

    Not sure if that is possible. Crushing Morpheus. Not you getting a semi. I am not questioning your manhood.

    There are playthrough videos on youtube for watching without having to play the game.
    Like the trailer said – there’s an hour of video recorded solely for the game.

    If you wanna see why those movies sucked, that game is BIG clue.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    If they actually played good games it’d be different. More Conan, less moanin’.

  • TapewormBike

    Is it that necessary to try and be topical anyway, when noone even agrees with most of their opinions? Just make ten X-Com centered episodes and have fun.

  • Like Icare

    Who cares what they have now. It’s what they’ll have.
    And they’ll have EVERYTHING!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    It’s embarrassing, but I actually really, really like the Trilogy. I especially like the old guy in white, he says some trippy shit that brings it all home.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Oh, I didn’t know that. I might get one.

  • Palpatine

    Hipsters agree with them.

  • TapewormBike

    That’s pretty unhipstery.

  • Palpatine

    Is that a lamestream game?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    That’s a pretty solid flick. Albert Finney’s shooting scene is one of the best in the business.

  • Palpatine

    How? They play hipster games.

  • TapewormBike

    I picture hipster as a mostly contrarian being. Not sure what defines a hipster game though, pixelated graphics?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    It comes with a pair of skinny jeans and a tube of mustache wax.

  • Palpatine

    Pretty much.

  • George (Jay) Stein

    You bet your Shweddy Bawlse it will

  • Like Icare

    I’m known to still rewatch parts of it. It calms me down after masturbating for hours.

    But the entire thing is flawed and badly constructed and leads nowhere and is essentially – stupid.
    Entire second movie revolves around an accident. Dude slips and a screw on the railing breaks.

    And that real-life event influences in-Matrix events and everything from then on.
    If that screw didn’t break, Trinity would not have to go into the Matrix and the entire conversation with Architect plays out differently as he has no leverage over Neo nor is there motivation for Neo not to just go “OK… I’ll buy that for a dollar.”

    Meaning that the entire “plan” and “destiny” is bullshit.

    Then again in the third movie, anything that Smith the Man does is out of control of any plan – including him fucking up Zion fleet with EMP and blinding Neo.
    And a blind Neo is a prerequisit for him to be able to see “machine spirits” (an obvious FF: Spirits Within rip) and them getting to the machine city.

    And that’s just the plot holes.
    Its philosophy of freedom and choice is crap.
    Turns out… There is no choice.
    Neo has a destiny and a plan and he must follow it or everyone dies.

    So much for “choice” and “waking up” and seeing the world for what it is – it is your destiny to be a cog in the machine and follow the program designed for you.
    Know your place human. Know your place.

    And then they make an MMORPG to pretend that there is actually more to it all.

  • Like Icare

    Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling…

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    As Ted Theodore Logan would’ve said, “whoa.” Theosophical exegesis about a screw. Aren’t we all here because of one little screw?

    You can look back through history, classical literature, what have you, and a blind prophet is a tired, tired meme. What I like about the soul-crushing message is “this shit just goes on and on, so have a ball!”

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Downthread they were talking about the Emmys and it reminded me: watching Curb Your Enthusiasm on Amazon Prime, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is smokin’ hot. She’s got to be the hottest billionaire ever. (Look it up, she’s richer than God.)

  • Palpatine

    Is she related to Richard Dreyfus?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I don’t know, but her legs. They’re like “Pow!” and her skin’s all smooth and tanned like “Zap!”

    I’d like to hang my Klein in her apartment, if you know what I mean.

  • Like Icare

    Neo is not a blind prophet but a “blind Messiah”.

    A blind messenger of some higher power, maybe we can’t be sure if there really is any higher power, leading people through a desert towards a promised land – except he has no idea where he’s going.
    Which is a metaphor for clueless leaders.

    But!

    On an off chance that he may actually be led by faith and that his blind eyes see things that others don’t see…
    Then it all really IS true.

    Prophecy and invisible forces tying together the computer world of the Matrix and the machine world of the machines and the human world of flesh and blood AND the human world of FAITH.

    And the Matrix actually purports that. Cause for “the plan” and “the prophecy” to work… it all has to be true.
    Meaning that while humans did invent AI – AI then invented GOD.
    Oracle is a literal Deus ex Machina.

    But that’s it for human freedom of choice OR machines’ “liberty” of mathematical certainty.

    The worst part is Watchowskys failed to realize that.

    Or they could have made it into a better (and seemingly deeper) movie with a single line of dialogue.

    Just as they failed to realize that the world is not a cave but a rock whirling around just one star in the galaxy of bajilion of stars and that epic events taking place there are nothing but a “planet of the week” episode on Star Trek.
    Neil Gaiman did though. In one of those commissioned Matrix stories.
    He added aliens trying to invade the planet.

  • RLMkeepitup

    hey you think that’s creepy crawly, there can be over 2,000 different bacterial species found in the bellybutton. Welcome to the Jungle I Guess.

  • TapewormBike

    When the bacteria grow up, then they can try to scare me. Right now, I got them up my ass.

  • Like Icare

    She IS rather hot. But she is mostly charming.
    And she has the cash to pay for those blood transfusions keeping her young.

    No… seriously. You can try it at home.
    Just tie your kids to a bed (to prevent injury) feed them and give them entertainment, plug their blood system into yours and watch the years roll back.
    http://www.nature.com/news/ageing-research-blood-to-blood-1.16762

    Or you can adopt some kids from a parking lot.
    But then you have to deal with the whole genetic thing and are they clean kids or has someone used them already and left something inside…

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Faith is a word, like Love. The hot Indian Program, his ultra-hot wife and his Little Programlet told me that. And I’m no expert here, but it seems to me (as an atheist) that the Machine World was all part of the Matrix. Zion, tunnels, Squiddies, EMPs, Mechs, Generals who look like Barry O, all one big mind-fuck.

    Neo didn’t save Trinity, but it’s not that he couldn’t, he was just tired of her driving. I don’t blame him; the only time I let a girl take the wheel is when I’m too busy texting to watch the road.

    Sure it’s hackneyed by now, but without The Matrix, would 100 million people know what a “Backdoor” really is? And sure, Smith is the film’s version of “black goo”: a McGuffin named Weaving. Just thinking about him puts a little elf in my shorts.

    When you get right down to it, the thing isn’t really even a Trilogy, but then again Star Wars wasn’t either. And at least the Wachovskys didn’t turn Neo into some adolescent whiner, unlike another sci-fi icon. Darth Bitch is more like it.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Now that’s something I can get behind: another Lady Bathory.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You better get some penicillin on that paramecium stat before you end up with braille on your butt.

  • RLMkeepitup

    old people will become vampires? maybe transfusion leeches is more appropriate. I smell a movie plot here somewhere.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You should. Look me up in Los Santos, gamertag Tosh.0-face. I did some of those new purple competitions, got first places with a 1-mile stoppie, a 7,000-foot freefall and a 95-foot bail-out of a moving car. Just like real life.

  • Earth

    Both?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Social Security, The Movie.

    Oh snap!

  • Like Icare
  • RLMkeepitup

    they bled your dollars, now they’re coming for your platelets

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    No, Viggo Mortensen already did that, schlong and all.

  • Earth

    Aw, not even Ninja 3 The Domination?

  • RLMkeepitup

    Hi I’m Barbie, wanna play?

  • Like Icare

    The “programs” writing “programs” and “programs” going around the Matrix means that the machines are just physical bodies for those programs.

    The Indian dude is a “powerplant systems manager for recycling operations”.
    Matrix’s powerplants are those pods with humans.

    His job is to manage recycling dead humans. He’s one of those spiders that unplug Neo.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Screw House of Cards. Screw Orange is The New Black. Screw Beasts of No Nation. Because Bojack Horseman is the best thing Netfix has going for them. An utter triumph at taking a brutally honest look at anxiety,self loathing and depression and managing to find profundity and great humor in it. I cannot fucking wait for season 3.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Mm-hmm, yeah. And they made her legs bigger — not ’cause ladies wanted it that way, but to accommodate a battery in each thigh. Finally a woman who’ll stay awake for an entire feature film. Plus I like ’em thick!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I’m going to have to quibble with you here: he put his daughter on the train in order to carry her over. I’d mention rivers and boatmen named Charon, but if he’s trying to take her programming and put it into a machine, does that mean there are countless machines without personalities? Like old-fashioned non-postscript printers?

    And if that dad was in charge of reusing old humans, he sure did a lousy job of it. They flushed Neo and his Merkin into what? The ocean? Leave it to an Indian engineer to fuck up the concept of recycling.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    “You always take the long way around to get what you want, don’t you?”

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Anxiety, self-loathing and depression? You know what you do with those — you bottle ’em up and propel yourself to stardom, failed marriages, “gay” rumors, and millions of dollars. And if you’re really successful, you become a comedian. I mean a leading man.

    I don’t know though, if I start watching another cartoon, Brickleberry might get jealous. Malloy’s a pretty possessive bear.

  • TapewormBike

    Rick and Morty and Bojack might just be the best things ever. After Gravity Falls.

  • TapewormBike

    Do you really think I am gonna read? A text? A long text? Hahahahahaha

  • dollar store cashier wife

    At this point I’m scared to watch Rick and Morty because it might not live up to the hype for me.Seemingly everyone proclaims it to be the greatest thing ever.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, trust me on that one. It is hyped as fuck, but there is a reason behind that. It’s incredible just how dark it can get while being so damn funny. Like, really, really dark.

  • Like Icare

    The bit where she’s oblivious to little girl’s dissatisfaction with her sister is very… inspirational.
    Like that line that unlike with boys, subtext for girls is “You don’t have to be perfect. It is O.K. to be messy and flawed and silly.”
    Or that bit about cockroach being a no-no word. Because we don’t want someone on youtube putting words into Barbie’s mouth.

    I can already see that Dick the Birthday Boy will be a disappoint.

    But it is so precious how they envision their little sandbox staying nice and clean despite inviting the entire world to take a shit into it.

  • TapewormBike

    Just read the review of Mr. Right on The Guardian (Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick, Max Landis movie). I don’t think I have ever read a bigger burn. Also, two wacky hitman characters? I think I am officially Landised out.

  • Like Icare

    Don’t know about you, but tOmy`might wanna check out what kinda music Barbie likes.
    Just think of the advertising opportunities.

  • Like Icare

    “The new film from screenwriter Max Landis, who has called for more
    originality in Hollywood, is a rip-off of Grosse Pointe Blank and
    Dexter, where exhausted ideas pile up with the body count”

    HAHAHAHAHA!

  • TapewormBike

    Well, he definitely did not come into my apartment dressed as Barbie, that’s for sure.

  • TapewormBike

    It’s brutal.

  • Like Icare

    While on the subject of brutal… One of you hussies is getting fisted!

  • TapewormBike

    Again, tOmy absolutely isn’t at my place right now., begging for seconds.

  • Like Icare

    No, no, no…
    I’m just quoting the poet and master of originality – Max Landis.
    He’s like a Shakesman for the 21st century.

  • TapewormBike

    Sex though?

  • While Prince is getting fingered.

  • He’ll defend himself that by original he meant non-IP movies.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Sam Rockwell. He’s pretty solid. Done a lot of good, varied work. Just a shout-out to my man Sam. What do they call that? Bandwagoning? Illegal in a debate, but not here. The man deserves more praise!

  • TapewormBike

    Rockwell is amazing now that is certain, but being the best part of the movie does not make it a great movie.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You see, now that’s a good, clean joke. Man that was a great cartoon. Back in the day.

  • Like Icare

    Sorry. I only sex the ladies. And an occasional computer.

  • I sex my hand. Or my hand sexes me. Depends on the mood.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Oh I couldn’t agree more. Natalie Portman was the best part of Heat and even her attempted suicide couldn’t save it.

  • Like Icare

    Don’t we all. Don’t we all…

  • TapewormBike

    She’s asking for it. Or at least when I put that sock with googly eyes on.

  • TapewormBike

    I forgot she was the kid in that! Fuck, man. I need to watch it again.

  • Like Icare

    She’s rather grating in it.

    Then again, she is supposed to be grating.

  • TapewormBike

    He’s gonna need to reboot his Twitter pretty soon.

  • TapewormBike

    Stop suggesting I am boning tOmy up the ass like there’s no tommorow! It’s pretty immature, guys.

  • tOmy`

    I have just loaded this webzone. I like you people.

  • TapewormBike

    (coy look)

  • tOmy`

    And so the question of what am I gonna watch next has been answered.

    I still have a lot of cheerleader jizz on my screen from Mr. Robot tho.

  • tOmy`

    The first season was superb, cannot wait for complete S2.

  • Like Icare

    He’s not putting her in the machine.
    Matrix is not a machine. It’s a virtual world where programs can roam free without having to have a machine body.His daughter has no purpose in the machine world. So, there is no body for her.
    So, only place where she can live is the Matrix.

    Neo was supposed to be flushed into some recycling vat.
    Was he flushed there or was his superhappyfun waterslide diverted to some overflow channel… Who knows?
    Morpheus and Co. are able to induce his flushing, they are probably able to manipulate where to flush him too.

  • Domo

    Is the immature bit about how his penis looks or how it performs?

    I’m so confused.

  • TapewormBike

    I am saving it to binge on later.

  • TapewormBike

    He can do amazing stuff with his balls too. Just made me a poodle.

  • tOmy`

    I find my lack of comeback to your question rather depressing.

  • Like Icare

    Wasn’t that the plot of the second Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex movie?

  • TapewormBike

    (coughs) Right, so. Movies. Anything interesting you peeps watched lately?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The Man from U.N.C.L.E. was surprisingly not terrible.

  • Buk Pravon

    I watched Mad Max for the first time today.

    I was bored the most of the time. :/

  • tOmy`

    She is absolutely hot and amazing actress. The whole Veep crew is oustanding, but even if they weren’t, her acting would carry the show singlehandadly.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pjISXu-CT4

  • Domo

    I just watched 3 Edgar wright films, World’s End, Hot Fuzz, and Shaun of the Dead.

    I liked Hot Fuzz the most, The World’s End was the most intriguing, and Shaun of the Dead was surprisingly sweet.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The 1979 one? I honestly think it’s nothing more then a pretentious grindhouse flick…which barely delivers on the grindhouse goods of it. Mad max 2 is the one that deserves the classic status.

  • TapewormBike

    The first one? Repeat – Road Warrior, Road Warrior, Road Warrior!

  • Domo

    I want to see that for the costuming mostly, not so much the story.

  • Domo

    Or Andrew will rip your fucking head off.

  • TapewormBike

    I think all of them have a real heart to them. The World’s End has the weirdest ending too. Like, the arc is all over the place with the Pegg character.

  • TapewormBike

    Just walk away!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s a genuinely fun movie.The actors have great chemistry,the writting is on point and G.Ritchie’s direction suits the material. It’s his best movie since Snatch.

  • TapewormBike

    That’s why my gf thinks the prequels are better. The dresses. You people, really.

  • Buk Pravon

    I’ll watch that one tomorrow.

    I bought the Mad Max-Collection on Friday, because I want to know where Fury Road came from.

  • Domo

    Yep, but it was still enjoyable enough to watch once. I can only take so much Simon Pegg with black hair.

  • TapewormBike

    I promise you will like that one.

  • TapewormBike

    It is unsettling for some reason. The best thing about Shaun of the Dead for me was listing off every Brittish sitcom actor that appeared.

  • Domo

    It’s not much different than following a screenwriter’s twitter feed, even though his movies are shi–

  • TapewormBike

    She’d say that too. Fuck!

  • Domo

    How’s her back doing?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I feel like they prioritized squeezing a message and developing their themes more then delivering humor with The World’s End. It’s a weird change of pace after previous two films and it’s not really surprising it polarizes people. Personally I kinda loved Pegg’s character.

  • Buk Pravon

    I’ll give it a fair chance. 🙂

  • TapewormBike

    We’re going for MR this week. It’s a tad better, but definitely not good, like, she is literally skewed to one side. Hopefully she’ll be OK, soonish.

  • Domo

    Lets hope so!

  • TapewormBike

    I liked it, but, even though the message probably was prioritized, I had a hard time figuring out what the hell was the message.

    It’s not Scott Pilgrim though. Boy oh boy, that should have stayed on page.

  • TapewormBike

    I’ll tell her the weird plush American Lithuanian woman married to Polar Otter wishes her well. That’d be good after I wake her up.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I know nothing about source material Scott Pilgrim was based off. I just assumed it’s meant to be hyper stylized shlock. On that note it worked fine for me.

  • Domo

    The World’s End, the modern retelling of Peter Pan.

  • TapewormBike

    The source material is way better, because I read comics and say so.

  • TapewormBike

    No, get off that massive dick. Bad tOmy!

  • Domo

    Supposedly, Polar Otter is now a cardboard cutout, according to Wizard Phoenix, probably in the mold of Martin Freeman meshed with Simon Pegg and Daniel Craig.

    Please add that to the scroll for your gf.

  • tOmy`

    Great movies! My personal favorite would be Shaun especially thanks to all the references. World’s End was surprisingly great (unlike that American one) and I absolutely loved the fight choreography.

  • TapewormBike

    I wish you could see the look I get when I actually try to tell her something funny from here.

  • tOmy`

    Kingsmen were pretty damn good.

  • Domo

    Does it also involve a lowered head and gentle face palming? Because that’s what happens in this household when I try the same thing.

  • TapewormBike

    On that note (Mark Millar adaptations), does anyone besides me actually kinda like Wanted?

  • TapewormBike

    Lowered head, yes, But it’s more about he interplay of chin and forehead, making up what I like to call “Why do I tolerate you again?” face squish.

  • Buk Pravon

    I liked the most of it.

    The ending was stupid. When he gets the princess as a reward. :/

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, is The End of the World (or whatever) bad? I heard mostly good things.

  • tOmy`

    I have mixed feelings about it. I think that the movie just took everything too far. I wasn’t bored or angry, but can’t say I cared a lot.

  • Domo

    Roasamund Pike can sure kick some ass.

  • TapewormBike

    I don’t see why go realistic all of a sudden, too.

  • Like Icare

    No.

  • tOmy`

    That was bit odd, but I think it was just a homage to old Bond etc.

    The constant shooting towards the end in the hallways was a bit repetitive, but that is just a minor flaw.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I really don’t get how does one could get offended by that. The movie is a love letter to old Bond movies…and it takes itself just as seriously as those…as in not at all.

  • TapewormBike

    It’s fun. And it has Pendolino in it.

  • Earth

    Yeah I fell asleep watching the first one. Road Warrior is amazing though.

  • tOmy`

    That church scene still left me with some mixed feelings.

    I kinda feel like they hammered that “assholes” vibe way too much. The priest says the n-word, there is a confederate flag, the girl sitting next to him is obviously batshit crazy, he then infuriates her with all the typical liberal routine and then Lynyrd Skynyrd starts playing.

    I am still not sure whether it was absolutely brilliant or a bit too obvious.

  • Earth

    I enjoyed it, but Superman was the worst part of the movie.

  • tOmy`

    I like Pineapple Express and Observe & Report. The End of the World is just… unfunny most of the time. There are some neat scenes, but hardly anything memorable (as opposed to the two movies I mentioned). In the comparison to World’s End, the american one just doesn’t stand a fucking chance.

  • TapewormBike

    I peed my aunt’s armchair and fell asleep when I had a sleepover as a kid there, watching the first one. None of my family gives a fuck about age ratings I realize.

  • tOmy`

    I want my Rock’n’Rolla 2 goddammit!

  • Buk Pravon

    Hm… I’m not offended. I just think it was stupid… at the very least because I thought till that moment, that he already had a love interest.

  • Domo

    Everything is very obvious. To me, that’s what makes it rather unenjoyable. I can see why others like it, though.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It was vicarious escapism.

  • Alex

    Well, I think that scene was meant to start kinda awesome and then become more and more unpleasant. It was generally taking the Bond premise to the extreme in every regard, but I’m not saying they were always successful with it.

  • Earth

    Kids gotta learn about murder and rape sometime.

  • Alex

    I think that scene could’ve worked really well if they didn’t set it up so clumsy.

  • tOmy`

    I thought that’s what universities are for.

  • TapewormBike

    I’ve already seen Robocop and The Shining at that point (6 or 7), so it just literally bored the piss outta me.

  • tOmy`

    And I would also like to talk about how awesome Mr. Robot was.

    It was indeed pretty fucking awesome.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U94litUpZuc

  • TapewormBike

    Those are for cruising for twinks.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Yawn.

  • Earth

    Nah that’s just where you learn about sexual frustration and the disappointment that is life.

  • Palpatine

    Last new movie I watched was Mad Max: Fury Road, the most awesomemest thing ever!

  • Bubs

    So, yesterday I was at a local event called “Zombiefest” where I saw a screening of the original “The Hills Have Eyes” hosted by Michael Berryman. Afterwards, he did a Q&A which was really cool. He’s like a really nice guy, and had some good stuff to say. But almost the entire time, all I could think was Mike telling his terrible story about meeting Michael Berryman after a failed horror convention.

    Also, they had this hilarious balloon monstrosity of Michael Berryman’s Pluto character from the Hills Have Eyes. It was pretty amazing. After the screening, they auctioned it off to the highest bidder. I was in the running at $50, but this girl said if I let her win it, she’d let me get a picture with it and Michael Berryman, so I did.

    The balloon Pluto went for $52.

    Here’s a picture. I also have a pic of me and Michael Berryman and this balloon creature.

    http://s7.postimg.org/3tp4b9n97/Michael_Berryman.png

  • Alex

    I think the other girl wasn’t his love interest, that’s what I liked about the movie, but it was a shame that she was ‘sidelined’ to do a boring side-quest, (SPOILERS) even more so since she was the legitimate Kingsman.

  • TapewormBike

    Aren’t you a happy totalitarian space mage.

  • Alex

    Has it finished yet? It’s on the top of my series-list.

  • Earth

    The best thing about that movie is the poster.

  • Earth

    I saw Legend. Tom Hardy was really good. The rest of the movie….ehh

  • Palpatine

    I’m not a cynical asshole like the rest of youse. Well, most of the time I’m not.

  • tOmy`

    Yes, the first season is done and by my own opinion, it is one of the most unique and best shows out there.

    The creators also promised that this is indeed just a small setup for what is about to come, which makes me pee a little every time I think about it.

    The only “problem” is that if you expect some Illuminati / 1% plot line, that the trailer implies so much, you are in for a surprise. And then about 80 others.

  • Palpatine

    Did you bring Mike’s story about him?

  • Alex

    The problem with WANTED is that it’s too faithful to Millar. Jane Goldman & Matthew Vaughn are pretty good at sorting out the bullshit of Millar’s material.

  • Buk Pravon

    I don’t know. It felt too much out of place and forced for me.

    He came to her cell and told her, he was going to save the world now… and she just believed him for no reason… ’cause the plot needed him to get a trophy-fuck. … And then they made this shot of her naked ass… ’cause the screenwriter thought they needed more nudity.

    I don’t see this working at all.

  • Bubs

    If I had a few more drinks in me (my buzz was wearing off) I would have brought it up. But I was too sober. I figured he’d look at me like I was an asshole.

  • Palpatine

    Isn’t that the movie where Tim Curry plays the Devil?

  • TapewormBike

    Great, my list is now that much longer.

  • Like Icare

    The movie is idiotic crap.

    The book is just Millar trying to be “Oh so shocking! GASP!”

    Like when the kid’s father fucks guys cause he likes to do that from time to time in order to open up his appetite for women.
    Hold on to your monocles gentlemen. There will be talk about kryptonite condoms later.

    But it manages to coast along on the strength of the characters it is ripping off.

    And then the ending is… retarded.
    Dad faked his own death and now he wants his kid to kill him.
    Which the kid does and thus he becomes the new something-something.
    That’s it? That was the reason for all this?

    And then he tells us that his Eminem character is fucking us in the ass. Shocking. Yawn.

    Mark Millar has a mind of a retarded 9-year-old.
    Remember that time he got escorted off the set of Dark Knight for sitting on the Bat-Pod?
    Or how he keeps Reeve’s cape and fantasizes himself to be a super villain who “killed Superman himself and snatched his cape as a trophy”.
    http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=9418

  • tOmy`

    If I were you, I would avoid any reviews etc. They are all basically spoilerish and in the case of this show, spoilers do hurt a lot.

  • Buk Pravon

    The way they said goodbye to each other made me feel that she was his love interest… but I admit it is a very small sequence.

  • TapewormBike

    Tonally, yeah, you’re proably right. Nothing wrong with a bit of quasi fascism in your daily life.

  • Back when Spielberg wasn’t a complete hack.

  • TapewormBike

    I shall take that advice. Now, back in the cage!

  • Earth

    I wondered why it was called that, then I discovered that there was already a movie called The Krays, starring Spandau Ballet.

  • Alex

    That’s exactly the point that breaks the scene it’s neck. Her saying that stupid anal-line, out of nowhere. Imagine if you cut that line out, and later go to that scene with expectance of a tame Bond trophy fuck, the full-rear-nudity would’ve actually worked.

    The french Bond parody OSS-117 did that joke so much better:

    https://youtu.be/2415xALIL3M?t=61

  • Like Icare

    Nah, you see… You need to tell it like Mike.
    How it is a story about how he met Joe Pilato who was drunk.
    Not about how he ate with Berryman. It’s all in the delivery.

  • Like Icare

    Oh… I get it. A balloon Berryman.

  • RLMkeepitup

    cool to hear he’s a nice guy, definitely has a distinctive look due to his condition but didn’t slow him down

  • Like Icare

    Whaaaaa…?

    Cavill was fantastic in it. Charming as fuck and suave as a $500 blowjob.

  • RLMkeepitup

    you love the thrill of apocalypse in your pantaloons

  • TapewormBike
  • Alex
  • Like Icare

    One of the reasons I never liked MM1 as a little kid was asking why doesn’t Max just shoot the badguys.

    He’s gotta gun. They are bad. It’s ok to kill bad pipl. TV told me so.
    Why no bang-bang Max?

    For first 6 years of my life I was raised on a steady diet of westerns and war movies where anything done to Germans and other fascists was OK.

  • tOmy`

    You ain’t gonna be my rock’n’roll queen then.

  • tOmy`

    Phew, for a second there, I thought it was dying.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So I got just got back from Fat Ass-I mean Black Ash-I mean Black Mass. And it was pretty good. On a technical level it’s great, it’s shot well, great score by Junkie XL, and the sound effects and gore during the murder scenes was impactful. It was refreshing to see murder done in a Martin Scorsese way and what I mean by that is that it is not glorified, you kinda hate who is committing, makes them less human, and some of it is not shown but implied with the use of great sound design. I was nervous at first with the accents and the way they characters treat south Boston like home but unlike The Departed, which is a great film, the accents and the treatment of Boston isn’t horribly cheesy and ridiculous. The people felt real, they had a real connection to where they lived, and I could understand stand them. Unlike other movies that take place in Boston
    http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTk0NjY0Mzg5MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzM1OTM2MQ@@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

    Any how back to this movie. The performances were all fantastic. It was refreshing to see Johnny Depp not play some stupid fucking cartoon character. The makeup in stills looks weird but when you see him act in under the excellent lighting and cinematography he transforms into this criminal who becomes this legend who can switch from being charming and nice to being a psychopathic murderer. Also you understand why he looses some of his humanity and becomes more of a monster. Joel Edgerton was great too as his FBI agent friend who work together to make each other’s lives just a tad better. I also liked how in the 80’s who see a transition of early 80’s to late 80’s. It reminded me of Boogie Nights in that sense. Let’s get to the problems and they’re kinda annoying. First off the movie has two time cards which I would be fine with it didn’t just did away with them half way through the movie. It’s really jarring to me. Second is pacing. Now the pacing in scenes is great, I am not going to deny that, but the script just doesn’t have enough build or tension to connect scenes. The scenes themselves were fantastic, had great pacing, and great tension but they’re not connected well. Finally my biggest issue is the wrap up at the end. With out spoiling they use clips from previous scenes in the movie instead of showing the characters in another situation like them being arrested or where they are now. But I guess the credits did kinda made up with by the showing photos of the real people with the actor’s name matching the character they played. It did show the huge amount of attention to detail the movie had in terms of costumes, make up, and hair. If you can but some of those issues aside you have a very good movie, one the best I have seen this year. It’s not Ex Machina which might be my favorite this year but it is pretty damn good. Go see it just for the performances alone.

  • Palpatine

    Glad to see that Depp is branching out.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I hope when he gets his Oscar nomination he won’t be in another stupid movie and-GOD DAMN IT!

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2567026/

  • Like Icare

    Yes. This.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    This pisses me off. I just saw him in his best performance ever, a performance that transformed him into this legendary crime lord to be feared, and he is still going to go back to the bullshit wacky Tim Burton crap!

  • Like Icare

    It’s OK. All dogs go to heaven.

  • TapewormBike

    Of all the Black Mirror episodes, THAT one is coming true?

  • Like Icare

    Well… the good/bad news is Burton is only producing it while the director is the Muppets guy.
    No, not the reanimated corpse of Jim Hanson.
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0090386/?ref_=ttfc_fc_dr1#director

  • Like Icare

    I’ma gonna go sleep. Try not burning the house down. Remember to be cool about fire safety.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well I liked The Muppets movie a lot but I hated Alice in Wonderland so fucking much. It made my ex Anne look like some sort of weird corpse instead of a queen.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah that’s the rule.

  • tOmy`

    But… but why? Why do they keep on trying it? They are ruining both my favorite tale and my favorite video game.

  • tOmy`

    Nice write up, I was hoping for the movie to be good. Also glad that Depp is still capable of doing stuff other than failing with Burton movies, being punchdrunk on stage and coked out during Manson concert.

    Also: All hail Junkie XL! One of the most overlooked heroes of electronic music.

  • Captain Turbo

    Someone should set that to music.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I do this for you, people. I saw Fifty Shades of Grey for you.

  • fred

    No he doesn’t.

  • RLMkeepitup

    careful ya’ll, this is what happens when you watch too many movies: https://youtu.be/BHdcCeDna8w?t=9m13s

  • tOmy`

    And despite all your warnings, I saw it few weeks go.

    It was great.

  • tOmy`

    My game streak of good games continue as I just finished Brothers – The Tale of Two Sons and… it is hard to put into words how incredible this game is.

    So I won’t. 10/10

  • Palpatine

    Die, Eagles, die!
    You’re on the road of misery!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    In a comedic sense?

  • tOmy`

    Yes. Well… no. I didn’t laugh. It was just painfully dull and stupid.

    I am not gonna say I hated it because it is very hard to hate something this bland. But it was pointless and totally unnecessary.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Just watched the game tonight with some friends in Delco; pretty disappointing.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I didn’t hated it either. I did laugh a few times but if I was to grade I can’t give it more than a F because of just dull it is.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    They’re fucking pathetic.

  • Palpatine

    You wouldn’t understand you nerd.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I only care about College Football

  • Palpatine

    Really? Who do you like?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oregon.

  • Palpatine

    Ah, Oregon, the middle child between California and Washington state.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And we have both their accents.

  • Palpatine

    At least you have all the pot you can smoke.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Don’t leave Portland though, you’ll be in nothing but an area more diverse than New Zealand.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Bills lost too 🙁

  • Palpatine

    Nothing but white people?

  • Palpatine

    Ah who cares about them. The Eagles are the team that play for Philadelphia, the city where America was born!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Unlike New Zealand we don’t have Lord of The Rings. Instead we have that fucker who remade Psycho.

  • Palpatine

    And Matt Groening.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    In my anal-sys, that scene doesn’t work because it’s like the punchline to a joke we’re never told. I know James Bond usually gets the girl in the end, but what does anal sex have to do with anything? I did appreciate the view of that actress’s ass, though. Movies can be so magical!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I guess that makes up for it…kinda.

  • Palpatine

    Not a Simpsons fan huh?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Damn, dude. Be careful around her. She sounds like her legs are made of lightsabers.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Let me tell you about my trip up Mt. Everest …

    **trips on carpet, falls back, and crashes into mother’s thimble collection**

  • Cream-A-Thon
  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    More of a Creedence fan?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No I am is. It’s just that Psycho remake sucked ass.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Like Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars?

  • Palpatine

    Zero wins and two losses so far, and it’s the beginning of the freaking season!

  • Check out a great way how% you can earn a lot of extra $ by finishing basic jobs online from home for few hrs /daily VISIT MY-DISQUS-PROFILE to find out more

  • Palpatine

    Go spam somewhere else.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Atta boy.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The Dude also hated the fuckin’ Eagles.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    There should more than two paragraphs in this post.

    And did the murders have narration over them?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    He already branched out to this particular role in Public Enemies, which is the worst looking movie in possibly the whole history of movies. I think it may have been shot with a TV camera and it becomes distracting to the point where it ruins the whole film.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Saw Victoria at a film festival that’s going on here. It’s a German thriller shot in one take. It was really great. Also, the screenwriter of the film held a Q&A afterwards and told some interesting facts, like that the script was only a 13 page outline with just about two written lines of dialogue. Rest of it was improvised by the actors. They rehearsed two months and then filmed the thing three times until they got it right. Highly recommended, if you can see it somewhere.

  • TapewormBike

    I heard it’s Ghibliish, but it’s possible the person just had a weird speech impediment.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I watched the behind the scenes documentaries on YouTube a couple days ago. Gives you an even deeper appreciation for the movie.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKAHGwCyamc

  • TapewormBike

    Sometimes the world gets you down, but then you realize that we live in times when the rumour going around is that the UK Prime Minister fucked a dead pig and suddenly everything swine.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Are you talking about Lost?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I just can’t get over the animation.

    Also, I don’t have Netflix.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Does it say: “Did you know that girls are smarter than boys? No? Well, you should because it’s a common fact!”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is that some weird speech impediment?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Why is it so hard to get over Omie? 🙁

    I mean, it’s been who knows how long and I still haven’t moved past him on the Wall of Shame.

    EDIT: Too soon?

  • TapewormBike

    You’re not on Twitter I suppose.

    Oh, you’re wondering about that part.

  • TapewormBike

    I miss him and think about him, for real, every freaking day.

  • Domo

    Mark Bisone even commented less, just to be closer to him on the wall.

    I would say being Omitted’s power bottom is an honor, good sir!

  • Like Icare

    “Bury them under the floorboards. Nobody has to know.”

  • Earth

    I was thinking the 1979 film but sure why not?

  • Earth

    Charisma void.

  • Earth

    It’s the UK Prime Minister. It’s not a rumour.

  • Earth

    Wait how would that work? They already did the Chess Board. Isn’t that the centrepiece of Through The Looking Glass?

  • Like Icare

    I like the bit where it is all about “I kno’ a guy who knows a guy who once saw a photo of ‘im with a pig head on ‘is willy – it’s about this big the photo is”.
    Instead of about the whole “he was a member of upper class twit drinking societies for super rich where they would consume large quantities of alcohol while shouting about ‘fucking plebs’ and generally despising poor people”.

  • Like Icare

    You sure you don’t mean the other guy?

    He’ll still have to make at least a dozen movies before I learn to tell his face.

  • Like Icare

    She wants to take you by surprise and make you realize, Amanda.

  • Like Icare

    Now… It’s… Vulcan… Chess!!!

  • Like Icare

    Burton needs something to treat his necrophilia in private instead of forcing it onto everyone else.
    Like a small cemetery of his own. With a crypt and a mausoleum.

  • Earth

    Arnie Hammer made that movie watchable and steals the show (even had a consistent accent). Superman having a distinctive appearance means nothing when he’s unlikeable on screen.

  • I tried watching it. 45 minutes in it was obvious, this is it. This is how it’s going to be. So I turned it off. Wife came in. I offered cuddeling and a Johnny Depp film. She saw the torrent thumbnail cover of the box and repiied, “this looks interesting, but I bet it’s just crap. I can feel it!”. Clever girl.

    P.S. The same woman comes home from time to time smiling and says that we ARE watching a movie. I know what those movies usually are.

    http://cdn8.nflximg.net/images/8506/2048506.jpg

    Gawd!

  • Earth

    There… Are… Four… Lights!!!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Amen.
    Cum home Omie!

  • tOmy`

    I don’t remember any game having such an emotional impact on me just by realizing what button to press.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Earth

    This, is a dead parr–PIG!

  • tOmy`
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Hey Amanda. does stealing money off stupid people on the internet give you the same kind of rush a shoplifting? Cause i want a change of career but i dont know anything but crime, but I want to change to an inside job. is internet fraud worth getting into?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I used to fuck pigs… but it made the bacon to salty….

  • tOmy`

    Looking at Emmy winners, there is only one thing to say: All hail the HBO overlords!

    Shame about BCS, but it’s gonna win some eventually. Also I am very happy about Veep getting its recognition yet again. The last season was the bomb.

  • tOmy`

    You should eat more pineapples then.

    Or… you know… not fuck pigs.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I hope he is having fun and his mouth is still writing more cheques than his than his butt can handle.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Robocop 2 is on TV. Sold! in a good way.

  • tOmy`

    Independent tied in a neat little comment made by Kevin Spacey:

    The bizarre story brings to mind comments Kevin Spacey made last week when asked if he thought certain elements of his political drama House of Cards were implausible.

    “There are times when I’ll leave the set and, you know, we’ll have shot a particular storyline, and I’ll think, man, this is really pushing it,” Spacey admitted to the Daily Show.

    “And then I get back to the hotel and I turn on the news.”

  • tOmy`

    No worries, few hours of wife-beating and fan-raping and they are good as new.

  • tOmy`

    That was my first thought as well.

  • tOmy`

    Prince – HITnRUN phase one (yes, this is the actual title)

    If you are lucky enough, once every couple of months you come around something so masterfully hilarious and mindblowingly ridiculous, that it puts F back into “fail”. And when it happens to a legend like Prince, the most expensive artist to book on the planet, it is glorious.

    Imagine you have a 12yo and you give him any music making software. You can watch him press all the “effect” buttons in a futile try to replicate all that “cool shit” he / she hears on the radio. And this is pretty much how this album plays out. It hits every current EDM / hip hop trend in the book and then runs away because it is hitting them wrong. Yes, auto-tune rapping, basic DJ effects, 808 sound, bass drops, police siren effects, middle-east whistle effects… it is all there and it is all used very, very wrong. If your audience starts thinking “What is happening?” within the first 5 seconds and then moves to “Why is this happening?” you know you are doing something everything wrong. And then bombs like this happen… on a Prince album mind you:

    Pussy looking like hip / Gross. – an actual rhyme delivered by one of the many contributing artists to this masterpiece.

    Is there more to say? Unfortunately, yes. After 5 opening songs that are comparable to a shock-and-awe meets sonic-blitzkrieg HITnRUN strategy, the album just becomes dull and not so fun anymore. Maybe just the initial shock wears off, it is possible, but it is hard to make it to the very bitter end. It could be worth it just to hear more of Prince’s signature bass dropping in and out of harmonies, cacophonies and usually standing out like a priest in a Thai brothel.

    Fingers crossed for “phase two” actually being a thing and happening as soon as possible, hopefully while properly exploring dubstep and glitch, because at this point, why the fuck not. 3/10

  • tOmy`

    Please, do give it a listen if you have a chance, especially because listing all the wrong things, mistakes in edits, off rhythm sections, awful post-production and… well, generally every gem on the first 5 songs would take at least 7 posts. This is textbook “That’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works” case.

  • tOmy`

    Yea. I had three major issues with this:
    1) For a girl with an English masters, that chick is dumber than a piece of wood. “What could possibly be a butt plug?” Really? And “Why would you do this to me?” Really? Didn’t you like went to Google and check the freaking S&M? God that is some awful as shit writing.
    2) For a movie that talked for 2 hours about some contract and made a massive deal out of it, I sure as fuck still don’t understand what exactly that contract did / was supposed to do? Like… they constantly break it, rewrite it… I don’t… know.
    3) It didn’t get me hard / wet. That is pretty shocking from a movie about sex.

    I liked that contract review scene, all set in red. That was… the only thing I felt okay with.

  • tOmy`

    I assume that Indy is just trolling us now:

    http://i.imgur.com/keo3J8U.png

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I would have listened to the song; but I couldn’t make it past the Minority Report Tv plug.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You know the one thing i can never forgive Robocop 2 for?… the stupid fucking Luny-Tunes sound FX. i was waiting for a slide whistle after the “Scramble the best spin team we have.”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Single human over 25 is $515+(rent assistance up to)$200+RAA$30+PBA$21+Travel costs$40 and $200 per a kid if you got them.

  • Palpatine

    Are you trying to summon Pa with that review?

  • Palpatine

    The slide whistle sound effect is owned by RLM.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Dear @RLM. Space Cop will never be a cinematic masterpiece. but it will be loved… Let it go… let it go….

    https://youtu.be/moSFlvxnbgk

  • tOmy`

    Kinda. I know he would agree. That guy literally hates things that this album does all the time – and in a bad way.

  • Palpatine

    Space Cop, more like Space Flop! Amiright?!

  • Palpatine

    It’s no use, he ain’t coming back.

  • TheManHole

    People like this should have their organs forcefully removed and sold back to them.

  • TheManHole

    Best James Bond movie of recent times!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Storytelling trough gameplay. It’s what every game that wants to tell a story strive towards.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    As in animation in general or the specific look of BH?

    I don’t have netflix either but you can always [to]rent that shit !

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s only a matter of time.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Game of Thrones didn’t deserved to win best drama though. Not with a season like this.

  • instant relief

    I’m not a human, tho. I’m part of a larger galactic hive mind continuum.

  • tOmy`

    Absolutely agree. It is the fandom / ratings seeping into the decision.

  • Palpatine

    What if he does come back, what will you do?

  • Like Icare

    Space Cop-out… like, totally.

  • Like Icare

    Maybe you need to play phase one and phase two simultaneously?
    While watching the Wizard of Oz.
    Played backwards. And upside down. In Chinese.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Who says he isn’t currently showering us with his presence? Andrew isn’t the only one who uses alts you know.

  • Palpatine

    He told me he wasn’t coming back though. Do you not want him back?

  • Palpatine

    And while listening to Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd backwards.

  • Palpatine

    I for one can’t wait for Space Cop Dog.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That particular style of animation. In general, I love animation. But that Flash-style animation just doesn’t do it for me. Looks cheap.

    I don’t have [to]rents either.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Why would I not want him back? The guy is a part of our fucked up disqus family.

  • tOmy`

    “Please provide identification that displays the name you’re confirming. Learn more about why we require ID verification and the different types of ID we accept below.”

    Uhm… Facebook? What the fuck?

  • TapewormBike

    I just joined the other day and left my phone to them. Fuck indeed.

  • tOmy`

    Well, I am using “fakish” name – as in I have my normal name + fake middle-name for actually logical reasons – my name is quite common and since I have random profile pictures, it allowed people to find me in a faster fashion.

    Now I know that is a no-no for Facebook, but Jesus fucking Evans, I am not gonna actually scan my freaking ID card just to “verify” my account. And according to forums, this is a permanent lockdown.

    *like*

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Facebook has a contract with NSA and they’re not afraid to use it. I wasn’t asked about any ID, though.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    lol facebook. stopped using that shit years ago and never had a second of regret.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, according to latest information, it is basically a random “cleaning” of FB accounts that seem fake – either FB thinks your account is not authentic or if someone flags you for not having an authentic account, it locks you the fuck out.

    And asks for ID card.

    I am actually a bit speechless here.

  • tOmy`

    FB being my only proper connection to friends, school, news feed, gamers I know for decade and half and events, it definitely is a rather important part of my life.

  • tOmy`

    Oh, and two thirds of my fucking job.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I only use it as a chat, or a replacement for texting when I’m at home. You know, since I don’t have one of them “smart phones”.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The look is intentional and to be honest there is a really great payoff when in both seasons there is a pivotal episode where the animation styles radically changes to suit the story/emotion of the moment.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I can understand all of those except getting news trough fb.

  • tOmy`

    I have most of my friends blocked because I don’t care about their photos of food. My news feed is therefore locked (with few exceptions) for pages like IMDB, Indy, our news networks, AV Club, Onion, Allmusic, Mixmag, NME etc etc.

    I basically use FB as a chat with a stream of news items from all around the world / genres.

  • tOmy`

    I suddenly do feel the urge to punch someone in the dick.

  • instant relief

    I volunteer. 8===D

    Also, ask Andrew.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, he was the grouchy old grandpa.

  • tOmy`

    This is all just because I have LEGOLAND California as my work place, right, Cunterberg?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is that a red Lamborghini I see?

  • tOmy`

    Oh, great, so this Czech email domain canceled my mail as well, so I have no way how to get any feedback from these cunts.

    Well isn’t this just peachy

  • Like Icare

    Space Cop and Dog – K-9/11

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No. They were gruesome as fuck.

  • Like Icare

    That’s what you get for badmouthing his royal highness the Prince formerly known as formerly known as formerly known.

  • Bubs

    Facebook is the most genius advertisement / data-mining operation ever conceived. Don’t be surprised if you start getting telemarketer calls in the next few weeks. It’s just a coincidence. Would Mark Schmuckersberg lie to you?

  • tOmy`

    I already somewhat accepted that everything on my account is lost and these fuckheads won’t reactivate it. All those photos, settings, friends, messages etc. are lost. Ha.

    Well, the photos are not lost, because it’s just me who won’t be able to access them, FB will always have an instant access to my photos via their database, so at least someone can do something with them. Yay?

    I will wait for about a week and then just create a new profile. I will however bomb every and any email address and forum before I do so.

  • Bubs

    Don’t worry. I’m sure one day you’ll pop open a magazine and see a photo of you and your friends promoting some whitewater rafting gear after Facebook sold all your photos to a stockphoto website. So… you’ll see them again 😉

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • That is actually pretty blasphemous… against everything!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That’s right Susan!

  • tOmy`

    Work of barf.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *blart.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Susan is going to find Neema hanging from the rafters of his basement.

  • Gungins don’t get to have a dick ;_;

    #badcgi

  • tOmy`

    Did someone finally figure out what did grandpa shit in The Visit?

  • instant relief

    Is it directed by Mel Gibson?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • TapewormBike

    If you ever rub your gf’s back with IcyHot, don’t forget to wash your hands before going for a piss.

    Ancient Chinese Proverb

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Amanda needs to recruit more pimps, more pushers.

  • Wizard Phoenix