Since a new one is coming out, Mike, Jay and Rich Evans sit down and check out the first three films in Michael Bay’s Transformers series. At the same time.
Filed in: Half in the Bag
My obsessive compulsive habit of visiting RLM every time I load a browser has finally paid off.
It’s like poetry, they rhyme….
Oh thank Rich Evans! I was going through withdrawals.
The new one has a gay Puerto Rican robot as comic relief. Bay once again you are on the cutting edge!
Also, good to know this month’s Patreon check went to those three flatscreens…
Mike looked a little insane at the end there… though I’d imagine that would be anyone’s natural reaction to watching all three of those at once.
One of the best episodes ever. It’s the same script!
I was having a miserable evening. Then I checked this web site for the 3rd time in as many hours and, to my delight, I saw this. I can put my 16th Century Spanish Hilted Rapier away now and take my index finger off the cutting board.
OPTIMUS NOO!! *Shoot*
Save the Cat run amok.
Yeah but now they can just cover multiple movies at once and shave off 15-30 minutes of otherwise wasted video per episode that would have been spent talking about them one at a time.
So which one is the best of the worst?
This turned out way funnier than I thought it would be; not sure even I thought that was possible.
Another day, another fantastic piece of work from you guys!
8:43-9 The boys look like spectators at a tennis match of torture.
that must have been horrible to edit; not only did Mike have to watch the schlock films, he had to watch their schlock viewing to pick out the schlokiest parts of their viewing of schlock. nicely done
Which one is the best of the worst?
After so many years, Jay finally saw the end of Dark of the Moon.
I have a theory about why is Megan Fox in nearly all of Michael’s Bay movies. When Bad Boys II was being filmed, Megan Fox was 15 and an extra in that movie. I seriously think that Bay tried to have sex with her and because she was a minor he gives a part in almost all of his movie so she wont sue.
I thought Michael Bay kicked her off the 3rd movie because of some Nazi comment she made.
I stand by my theory after seeing her in TMNT. I mean, would you hire someone that called you a Nazi?
Fucking shit burgers! I’m currently too busy to watch this. How am I supposed to have a smug attitude about being one of the first to watch this if I have to wait?
You’re tearing me apart, Lisa RLM!
Its gonna be great
I was having a miserable couple of days, too. I never realized a dim room with 3 grown men watching a set of films the way their fans sarcastically suggested would merit so much happiness.
YouTube?! Your hack fraud levels are increasing.
With a face like Megan’s Foxhole, how can you not forgive?
Watching those three movies, each newer movie with a longer beginning, is like playing Michael Bay’s version of the “Row Row Row your boat” song.
They should have played Dark Side of the Moon to see how many parts synced up. Possibly the only thing that could have made this better.
why does no one watch the 86 animated movie?
it rocked, so much 80s
Nice experiment, guys.
Who needs suicide hotlines when you have this?
Here’s the formula to the “plot” of the first three Transformers films:
A magic robot macguffin for the Transformers to fight over
Some government conspiracy nonsense
Shia LaBeouf’s sex life is important for some reason
Billions of dollars at the box office
Megatron’s desert shroud…? Now THAT is shlock.
Where’s Edge of Tomorrow? Finally we get a great summer blockbuster that’s not a sequel, prequel or anything and you don’t review it. Why??
Is it a monthly thing or can it be a one time deal?
It gets wierder when you realize that her character’s name in the TF series is Michaela Baynes
I was just complaining to Mrs. Gryce that it’s been a long wait–and then the boys had to go and prove me wrong.
A new HITB: Special Edition!?!?!
Is this real life?
The “noisy bar” description of these films is not accurate. How I’d describe them would be this: imagine somehow eating a load of nails, bolts, glass and wood, then taking a ride on a rollercoaster, getting off feeling sick. You then regurgitate it all in a big mess. Then you take a massive shit on top of it all, then scoop that baby up, chug it down again before blasting it out your asshole 2 hours later having felt sick to your eyeballs for doing it. Then you get ready for seconds. Happy days.
“Megan La Fox”: finally one of Rich Evans’s malapropisms has come true:
Spoiler alert: they all deserve the axe!
It’s a lifetime commitment. Your kids will pay off their student loans before you stop paying RLM through Patreon.
“Is this real life?”
No Jay, with a Micheal Bay movie it never is…even if it’s about historical events like Pearl Harbor.
So sad that these movies are not only the same fucking plot but the same shit happens at the same time so well that three hack frauds can watch them simultaneously with split attention while drunk and not miss a fucking thing. Fuck these generic CGI shit turds and the Bay that spawned them.
The best we can do is to NOT WATCH his shit. No really, just don’t watch them. They’re all the same anyways.
That was awesome, guys. Watching one of those movies is bad enough. Sitting through all three is a triathalon.
And furthermore, they ascend into the upper echelons of hack-fraudery.
Triathalon… that was the one that turned into a robot, a car and a fish, right?
W..w..wait. We are now saving time by wasting time or wasting time by saving time?
Smiling Jesus, when you put it that way, I feel like shit.
Thanks! Now I gotta watch it again.
He used to be a gun in the cartoon give him a brake and of course he’s hiding, cu’s Michael Bay.
Michael Bay is problably theis biggest Patreon…… sellouts!
WTF is more important than this? And if you say “World Cup,” I’m coming up to Canadia to smack you.
The world is ending…..
This had meThrowing up in early 90’s Nissan cars.
I’m pretty sure this is how Michael Bay watches Michael Bay films – all at the same time.
I was genuinely waiting for Mike to throw up.
Poor Rich, watching him die on the inside was painful but he got his smile back in the end.
Not only is this exercise one of the most genius things you guys have ever done, but I can with with zero hyperbole it’s also at least a billion times more entertaining than any of those fucking “movies” would be on their own.
Oh you know what would be awesome if you could do the Matrix trilogy.
And the original Star Wars trilogy.
And the prequels trilogy.
And The Dark Knight trilogy.
And the Iron Man trilogy.
In fact just watch trilogies simultaneously from now on.
The Alien quadrilogy.
And the Lethal Weapon quadrilogy.
And the Rambo quadrilogy.
Just like this.
And don’t ever do anything different.
This was a really good idea.
Why stop there, watch three trilogies at once for maximum profit!
You guys need to be rewarded a medal of honor to be able to sit through not only one but all three of those pieces of shit AT THE SAME TIME.
Gotta say that shit was funny but you guys heads must have been aching like a bitch afterwards.
watching just one of these movies gives me sensory overload, I would not be able to manage all three at the same time
I just died a little.. Then Rich’s sad laughter revived me.
Okay, now you’re just being silly.
And don’t forget to watch the TMNT trilogy to complete the Michael Bay summer shlock-experience.
I think one of the worst lines in “Dark Side of the Moon”. Was the “Needs of the Many outweigh the Needs of the Few”. In the context of the movie it makes no sense. Its like Bay went to Leonard Nimoy and ask something like this.
Bay: Please, It would be so awesome if you would say it in the Movie. Oh and can we put in that Vulcan Nerve Pinch.
Nimoy : Ill do the line. But no Nerve Pinch on Robots. I have some dignity
What an exercise in masochism. I fear that they may not be the same men as when they walked into that godforsaken experience.
9:49 is mental masturbation.
It’s gonna happen, but we have to wait two more months before they can afford another six flat-screen televisions.
Pretty much what I say about Leonard Nimoy is “Griffith Observatories don’t pay for themselves.”
Hmmm, changing a diaper v. watching the Transformers movies… Obviously one is completely covered in shit, and the other’s a diaper.
This is the only site that got me unaddicted to porn.
It’d be sweet if you guys reviewed Transformers 4 and Transformers: The Movie.
I liked it but Rich, next time can you not cause the 3 second delay. It threw all of the timing completely off
How else is he gonna get off?
Guys. I have it. The worst possible trilogy for them to watch all at the same time –
Courtesy of webcomic artist Nedroid.
Finally, a plan for my weekend!
Remember, the idea is to watch three MOVIES at the same time. Those aren’t shitty movies, they’re just plain shit.
You guys took three sliver bullets for me–I’ll never forget that.
I imagine watching three Transformer movies at once would be a lot like watching Deadly Prey and Deadliest Prey.
Mike has that Don Draperian look of disgust on his face throughout.
The three spiderman ones and the new …. maybe thats pushing too far but might be cool.
Ahahahahahahahaha… Alright, this is a pretty great idea for a viewing session. I forgive you guys for the excruciating wait-times.
And here I thought I would never get any sort of entertainment from these movies. Well played, RLM, Well played!
“The first one still thinks it’s a real movie.”
Why is this not “Rich Evans Watches” with guest stars Mike and Jay?
All three Transformers movies are available for purchase from… I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m so sorry.
Yes, and to see how #1 and #2 had exactly the same scene structure down to the second with Rich staring in amazement was worth it.
They never said whether they would recommend watching all three movies at once. Also why isn’t this Best of the Worst?
Oh I definitely saw that @ 8:30.
No post-witty banter?
Yeah I know he’s that hot.
Ah yes, the Poop In The Pants trilogy.
How about all 20-odd Bond movies?
Watching our boys hit the Josh Duhamel Jackpot has inspired me to pop a second slug in the ol’ roulette pistol. Wish me luck, you cuntholes .
It’s as if Michael Bay is a one-trick pony with no range…
Why didn’t they mention Tyrese’s pivotal role in all movies? He is the plot anchor for the whole trilogy!
Now they can point three camera’s at the green screened couches and sit on their asses while directing the shit out of the Space Cop exposition scenes! Just like the pros!
So Optimus shot the racist, war-mongering, old guard antagonist in it’s head. He should have shown some true heroism, some mercy, he should have just snapped his neck.
It is monthly, but if you really want to give them something once off, there is a donate button top right of the page.
Hahaha! And this week, there´s a lot of people, between naives and idiots, crazies about the robot dinossaurs! ´´Now, this Transformers gonna rocks!´´ Yeah…Always….
Be careful with brilliant ideas: The cinemas might start employing this for screenings of nearly identical summer movies.
They might be villain-of-the-week movies and share a lot of the same sub-plots, but I seriously doubt they have a formula as rigid as the Transformers movies.
Why isn’t this Best of the Worst?
Because they didn’t want to have to destroy all 3 DVDs.
Why no post movie discussion?
Mike said he wanted to puke.
Rich was stunned.
And Jay just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Was this stylistically designed to be that way? Or is that how Rich Evans says it?
They should have done this with the Ghostbuster movies. It would have
basically been the same film. But ya these Transformer movies are
terrible, and it doesn’t surprise me that they’re all near identical
too. Michael Bay is like a guy that mass produces tasty corn for fat
hungry cows. They gobble that up and tomorrow they’ll want another load,
exactly the same as the last load. It’s not just with Transformer movies but theater action movies in general now. A week later you’ll get another one and the last one will be forgotten. This is what theaters have become
now, a herding ground for fat cows that just want to see things explode on a regular basis, quantity over quality all the way.
And in 33333333ddddddddddddddddd.
Because Best of the Worst implies there’s a movie that was the least painful to watch. They’re all equally painful.
The first two are exactly the same and are written by noted Hack Fraud Screenwriters Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci. For extra fun, try watching the other movies they’ve written side by side!
The thing I took away from this exercise in avant-garde film review is that three Transformers movies watched simultaneously make more sense and have a greater semblance of plotting, structure, and evenness of tone than one Transformers film watched in isolation.
It follows that Michael Bay is a messianic genius, capable of perceiving the world in dimensions that are inaccessible to our species, and yet determined to elevate humanity to his rarefied level of consciousness.
When the Transformers series is complete the films can be watched, as was always intended, superimposed over each other. The images and dialogue that, when viewed separately, seem confusing and banal will merge together and fluently impart a message of transcendence.
At the conclusion Optimus Prime will appear and address the audience directly: “While it is our race who are known as Transformers, it is you, the people of earth, who have truly been transformed.”
And a new golden age of humanity will begin, at which point I will be online linking people to this post, because I called it first.
The Transformer movies are not like noisy bars. I like noisy bars.. Or, well, bars in general.. Hmm, now I think about it; I just like alcohol I guess..
Great video – and thanks for enduring three times the minimum amount of madness just one of these movies manifest themselves as inside your mind.
I like how watching the first 3 Trnasformer movies is like watching a giant, noisy slot machine that you repeatedly win.
Missed opportunity by not using the picture of Fergie wherein she has just pissed herself
My local theater has been running the 3-for-1 “Fork in the Brain” special for years now. And since lobotomies aren’t legal anymore the local psych ward takes difficult patients there for a summer and it has the same effect.
I wish they did Edge of Tomorrow review.
I love how Mike seems to be the only one taking it seriously. Jay and Rich are obviously just there to laugh at how bad the movies are but Mike seems to be actually trying to keep invested.
When I grow up, I want to be Red Letter Media.
The Transformer’s series makes me want to put a fork in my brain, fork in my brain, fork in my brain, fork in my brain…STOP THINKING BRAIN!
Hopefully it’ll work.
followed by him giving a speech that has the same kind of writting quality as a script to a porno and an abrupt cut to title-Directed By Micheal Bay accompanied by god awful Linkin Park song that’s about as tonally mismatched here as it gets.I had the same reaction as Rich Evans to this ending when I viewed this film years back.It’s mind bogglingly bad.
a face of an average pornstar?
no one needs to see that shit more than once
I think they’re making out.
Best film I’ve seen this year
Three Transformers, One Cup?
make sure you get a solid grip and put the gun in your mouth before pulling the trigger. thanks for playing!
The entire Transformers Series? Guys, you are a bunch of sick-ass masochists!
3 people sitting… 3 people talking in shot/reverse shot…. 3 people sitting and talking in a room.
Oh my god, I am going to need more beer than should be stomached to deal with this one.
I’m sorry, but I still don’t see how this ties into the Mego Universe…
Until a flashing hemorrhoid pillow sells them to me, I will refuse to buy these films on laserdisc – even if I can advance or rewind frame-by-frame.
Suicide is painless…
He should have taken him to robojail so he could be cydomized in the bott.
And you’re still on the hook for SpaceCop in 2017. Sucker!
“Bumblee”–isn’t he the sidekick on Pawn Stars?
It’s summertime and we’ve got RLM content stacked up like jets trying to land at O’Hare, so what’s with all the death talk? Who are you, Lana Del Rey?
Well, clearly Michael Bay is taking cues from George Lucas. Each movie runs parallel to the other. It’s like poetry, it rhymes.
Forget about Shia, talk about Jay LaBuff! Have you been working on those guns, honey?
Hahah! Brilliant RLM gang…I’m sharing this with as many “Bayformer Loving” folks across the interwebs as I can.
First stop, the Rotten Tomatoes Transformers: Age Of Chinese Film Production Panderi err…I mean Transformers: Age Of Extinction movie forum.
These movies are GREAT !
No, I’m just kidding… The word is GARBAGE !
Did something happen to your Blip account?
I was expecting Optimus to say “Sayonara Bitch” at that point (11:42).
In M.Bay’s mind:
michael bay is a menace to society.
The 1st movie. It was quicker to finish.
The Josh Duhamel jackpot!
Megatron doesn’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. It really grinds his gears.
He’s sticking his decepticock into his autobut.
8:42 They’re all moving their heads at the same time.
I thought you only watch quality TV, Percy.
Trans farter dot com
That’s a reference to the Las Vegas TV show, right? Everybody loved that show, right?
The Montecito? Anyone? Anyone at all? …
I believe you, Memoman.
Or all 60 Hitchcock films?
Now I’m going to watch 3 Half in the Bags at the same time and see if they sync up
Tyrese has to work harder than anyone to find his dialogue amongst the wreckage of a script.
Would 3 Half in the Bags equal 1 and a half Half in the Bags? I’m so confused.
That’s what I’m here for.
Confirmed for Bay
I tried to watch Transformers 3 once, I ended up cleaning my room midway through.
That’s gonna be great.
It’s stylistically designed to be that way.
It’s stylistically designed to be that way. Sadly, no way to diminish the effects of it.
See again it’s like poetry.
You need to complain to her more often.
Leave it to RLM to experiment with new ways to hurt themselves with movies.
Dudebros, this is just like when I played Dark Side of the Moon with Wizard of Oz and it TOTALLY MATCHES UP!!!
P.S. You’re brilliant
The Transformers movies are so dense. Every single image has so many things going on.
Actually I would have liked to see Fuck-Bot destroy the Transformers DVDs.
150% in the Bag
at least they are not sitting in front of a green screen like last time …………………….hack-frauds
I love Jay’s Scream Factory shirt.
Except with these movies, you always lose…precious time you’ll never get back.
It’s like poetry.
It’s so dense, every shot has so many things….ah forget it.
I want to watch this, but I also want to save it for the weekend because my life is empty and meaningless and it will give me something to look forward to.
What should i do, why must life be so hard!
Sans pants, I’m sure.
Flyover cow says “mooooo”
because you felt dirty?
and we’ll all get raptured up so we don’t have to deal with those pesky bar codes.
plus Transformers give you a much worse hangover.
Or all 142 “Movie”-movies?
Bad Boys is like an origin tale of bad. Michael Bay gets worse in different ways.
Bad Boys is an origin tale of bad. Michael Bay gets worse in different ways.
Somebody posted your stuff on Break.com http://www.break.com/video/first-three-transformers-at-the-same-time-2629766
The evil octopus awaits your bidding.
At this point we’re gonna have to ask to see some receipts. How does one itemize a “chable?”
I should watch all three plinkett reviews at the same time. Hopefully I won’t get sudden urges to do anything crazy with my brain.
There had better be a BOTW for this weekend.
There are a lot of T-shirt connoisseurs on this site. Usually, they comment on Jack’s or Wizard’s T-shirt, but no one is immune from their scrutinizing eyes.
Was that a bit or was it real life?
Mike is an avatar of Slavic intensity.
As George Will said recently, “If you think Michael Bay raped your childhood, then maybe your childhood was asking for it, dressing all whore-like and such. Baseball, Republicans, bow ties and Jesus.”
You have inspired me to do something I wanted to do for a long time (not really) but didn’t want to spend 8 hours doing.
I hope my head doesn’t explode.
To be fair, that’s not an exact quote.
That’s not what she said.
Whachyou talkin’ about, Willis? I mean, I walk with kings but keep the common touch. I do have to keep up with pop culture to some degree in case I’m ever accidentally a contestant on Jeopardy!
I don’t like sans pants. They’re coarse and irritating and they get everywhere.
I wonder if Moon River would be a fitting soundtrack for this Half in the Bag.
That would save a TON of time. Get all of your required viewing done in one sitting. Bring a book.
In this episode there was no pretending that Mike and Jay work for a VCR repair company. There was no VCR-repair ephemera strewn around. There were no undercover-hooker or hipster-VCR-party subplots. And most of all there was no fake Plinkett.
This was very different from your usual HITB.
I don’t like things that are different.
Because the Transformers movies are fine films in the classic tradition of other Paramount films like Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
Or because of this:
Hard to say for sure. It may have been real until they picked up on what they were doing.
Then stop complaining and go to Applebees.
Ha, ha, I went there for lunch before you told me to.
Although the Transformers movies have to be regarded as precious jewels of movie history, my train of thought went like this: dark ambiance of the room and soft lighting creating some sort of mildly erotic atmosphere => Moon River as counterpoint to the fast cuts and the missing soul of the movies. Something like this.
They actually have nice steak…go ahead kill me.
I’d rather watch that then a Michael Bay movie… hell, I’d even buy the blueray
In this one Mr.Plinkett looked a lot like Rich Evans. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
“Hopefully, it’ll work.”
Was this an experimental attempt at suicide-by-movie?
Now I feel guilty for eating that last croissant.
She looks like she hasn’t eaten in weeks.
Their hamburgers suck dick?? Can I get them delivered?
If you want to be even more confused, look up the Dichotomy paradox. One can never truly arrive at the Bag.
When’s the Plinkett review for Michael’s Bay’s turd of a movie, Bay-by’s Day Out?
I’ve often said that RLM has filled the void in my black heart left by the absence of MST3K… it was only a matter of time before they got into mad science experiments involving the effects of awful cinema on the mind.
Megan Fox is so fucking ugly.
You forgot the wacky screaming minority.
Enter Glen Whitmann, Ramon Rodriguez, Jerry Wang.
yo, Jay, i’m looking at you with that Scream Factory shirt… I’m digging it!
What’s the brand of the token screaming minority geek?
Indian (dots not feathers)?
Because of your grammatical error, you’ve subconsciously admitted you want to watch Mike throw up and watch a Michael Bay movie afterward.
You’re a truly sick man.
Oooh. Man of Steel, The Amazing Spiderman, and Star Trek: Into Darkness!
All 3 contain Rich Evans as guest host, only one movie, all viewed poorly!
It’ll be great!
Only thing missing is Transformers:The Movie. Judd Nelson, the Micro Machines guy and Orson Welles, all in the same film.
“You’ve got the TOUCH!”
Ooh yeah, I liked the soundtrack a lot and I enjoy Unicron’s voice and lines. Best scene imho is the one where Megatron bargains with Unicron and is remodeled into Galvatron. But I still like the first two seasons of the original cartoon the most.
Does arriving at the Bag mean we find out if Schrodinger’s cat is dead? Can Rich Evans keep it when we get there?
“You think in such three-dimensional terms.” – Michael Bay
Never got into Transformers Second Gen stuff myself. Got too weird..will always have found memories of the older eps, however.
I’m down if you’re down, Domo… I’mma do that later tonight and report back about my findings… I really hope at least 2 “OHH MY GAAWWDD”s sync up
YOU GOT THE TOUCH
“My brain is collapsing into itself!”
Harry S. Plinkett.
“It’s gonna be great.”
Those shots of Megan Fox on motorcycles are anything BUT degrading, Mike.
In fact, they show just how sexy and empowered motorcycles look when they’re underneath lubricated meat-sacks.
Like eating rat poison.
After watching this I know only one thing for sure; I did not see the third transformers movie.
My kids aren’t going to college.
My money is obviously needed elsewhere.
This is an old notion but I’ll post it anyway. The animation guys making the Citroen commercial, got it so much better than MBay. I only watched Transformers 1, I though I was watching the smoke monster from Lost(JJAbrams).
“I try to take people on an emotional ride and, um.” – Michael Bay
Stop feeding us this pig slop!
supposedly after seeing this ad they decided it was finally possible to make a transformer movie
I wish I was a motorcycle right now
Special Editions aren’t canon bro. What is this Percy, your first time on this site ya hack???
Haha! I love how we’re now using the word “canon” to refer to the Half In The Bag B-storyline. This thing officially has a cult following now.
It’s always great to see people complain in the YouTube comments about the laugh of our jovial Dick “The Birthday Boy” Evans.
The poor, uninitiated masses.
My first impression was “not enough poop and vomit this time around”, but if you really think about it, there’s 3 times more poop than ever before oncreen(s).
I sure hope so because I just gave in to temptation and now i have nothing.
When I was still an unblooded RLM visitor I too found Evans’s laugh like an ice-pick drilling into my eardrum. I have learned to love the feeling.
Michael Bay Uses Same Footage In Pearl Harbor and Transformers
Transformers 2 Reuses Footage From Transformers 1
Bay uses a scene from “The Island” for Transformers 3
End of Transformers 3 & Armageddon are the same.
Bay ripped off Parts: The Clonus Horror scene for scene
Seeing the backs of their heads as they watched the movies sort elicited some memories of MST3K.
I think they need some counseling…
Fuck You, You’re January. We should take the question up with a true expert. At next year’s Plinkett-Con, you and I can stand in line for an hour and when we finally get up to Rich Evans’s table, you can ask him if HITB: SEs (all one of them) are “canonical” or not.
Think i will raise your 3 Transformer movies with this video, think my head may explode.
Remember, they’ve got two BOTWs in the can. They’ve got to release the Kraken soon.
Your subject Percy is Medical conditions for $2000.
Common symptoms that may occur after the event.
Slow to respond or not able to respond right away
Difficulty talking or writing
Feeling fuzzy, lightheaded or dizzy
Feeling depressed, sad, upset
Frustrated, embarrassed, ashamed
The Halloween episode of BOTW where Rich “cuts his finger off” is followed by an episode where his hand is bandaged up. If that’s not canonic I don’t know what is.
That was great! And strangely spooky with how certain things timed out. Maybe if you watch all 4 together like this then Michael Bay speaks to you directly through the TVs like Max Headrooms and teaches you the secret to his demonic powers
And a couple of “That’s right, Jays” too.
“What is RLM-withdrawal syndrome?”
Reminded me of that stupid trailer for Halo 5 where Master Chef is wearing a Jawa robe for no reason.
Agreed, but it’s a good idea because we didn’t have to do it.
Where’s Die Hard 1 and 5?
Is this going to be forever?
Bah-weep-graaaaagnah wheep nini bong.
In the not-too-distant future/ In an abandoned parking space/
Mike Stoklasa and his rotund pals/ Wonder what’s wrong with your face/
The sit and watch the movies of Michael Bay/ Megan Fox has no sway on those confirmed for gay/
Hookers scream for help in Plinkett’s basement/ While Mike and Jay fix his VCR and scam him out of every cent/
(Night… court… taaaapes.)
We’ll send them sleazy movies/ The Best of the Worst we can find/
They start to run together/ They’re like poetry, they rhyme/
Now keep in mind, Mike can’t control/ When the torture begins or ends/
Because he’s too busy using leftover bones/ To make his puppet girlfriends/
And, Gillian, I guess…
If you’re wondering about all the plot-holes/ Well, Mike and Jay are hacks/
Plinkett’s pizza rolls will fill all your holes/ You’ll get them in your fax/
It’s Milwaukee Shitfest Marathoooon… 2012!
In the bottom right, there’s like 30 seconds of noise accompanying black screen in that movie when all other movies have their introductions. As for the first one – I’ve seen it already.
Once I heard that the guy who did this commercial was the one who was supposed to make some HALO movie like 8 years ago.
I’m surprised (shocked, sad, whatever) that you could actually remember these “characters'” full names!
I’m sorry Percy the correct answer is,
what is Acute MB radiation syndrome or AMBRS.
The health effects which present within 24 hours of exposure to high amounts of non-ionizing Michael Bay radiation.
Fantastic guys! just awesome stuff. Where do I send my resume to be your friends?
Resistance is futile.
If you sync up all three Plinkett reviews of the Star Wars Prequels and watch them at once, you can actually hear the sound of your father telling you that you’re wasting your life.
And then the laugh track from The Grabowskis plays– they’re laughing at YOU!
The laughter stays with you, long after the reviews are over.
The laughter will never go away.
You guys deserve a government grant for that.
I like how Mike can pick up a camera shadow while watching three movies at the same time.
Dem’s some sharp senses.
At first I thought you were going for the other meaning of dense.
You know, “stupid.”
Yeah, but you’re backwards.
Sensory Overload: The Trilogy.
Who is Tyrese?
Four TRANSFORMERS movies and Gary Oldman getting to say “Nancy Pelosi is a fucking useless cunt” while pretending someone’s standing on his dick not allowing him to say “Nancy Pelosi’s a useless cunt.”
It’s such a fun ride!
How does one itemize an office with only 2 walls?
That explains the “kidney stones,” then. They’re actually Michael Bay stones.
I wanna be like Alabama Man
Hopefully it’ll work
My first reaction was “there’s less poop and vomit this time around”, then, taking a closer look, there’s actually three times as much poop as ever before onscreen(s).
I need to drink a gallon of water–STAT!
Unlike our god Rich Evans, who’s the sexiest man alive
That motorcycle is so sexy, who’s that ugly ass thing on top of it
These movies have the worse camera work and editing I’ve ever seen out of an action movie, they look like too cars fucking each others brains out. To make it worse the designs make impossible to tell which robot is which. It’s so confusing it makes me scream like this little bitch.
These pieces of shit have been getting longer each time? What is even the point?
The site isn’t your home page? Why?
You imply he has one trick worth seeing though. He does not.
More like at the conclusion Optimus Prime will appear and shoot the audience while they cry out “OPTIMUS NO!”
But if 3 Half in the Bags half assed it, it’d still be three quarters in the bag!
“That’s gonna be great.”
You can diminish the effects of it by muting your television. Might actually improve the movies too.
Im sorry, but that is possibly the most brain-scrapeingly irritating laugh ive ever heard in my life.
However, yes; the scene of the ‘noble and heroic autobot’ Optimus Prime mercilessly decapitating his crippled rival and shooting a begging old man in the back of the head while he’s down before delivering an ‘inspiring’ message of hope was one of the best ‘unintentionally hilarious’ scenes of the past decade.
While at the same time being pretty fucking depressing…
It’s his laugh. He doesn’t try to do it, he just does.
We’ve been over this.
Maybe it was a social comment on how pretty much all big nations act? Nah.
First off, fuck you Rich Evan’s laugh cured my aids. Second, yeah that didn’t make sense. Since when does a noble warrior and leader kills someone he just pleaded to spare his own life makes no sense as well as you put it hilarious and depressing.
“Prepare to be assmalated.”
-Borg Rich Evans.
But we are initiated, aren’t we, Bruce?
Are you saying that Michael Bay is the Len Kabasinski of the filmmaking community?
Fuck you, Rick Berman
End of Evangelion made more sense than any of these movies.
The first one is a good movie, so it’s in our hearts, not on screen with the rest of these hack-fraud pieces of crap.
He’s not a true believer.
Everyone’s got gambling debts to deal with on this site. I swear.
Goddamn Indian Casinos.
Why do the robots in the Bay movies look more like junk than the Junkions in the ’86 movie?
Did you just insult the Rich Evans?
$people watch them$
What you’re really hearing is your father saying; “Get some rest son. You’ve been up for four days.”
“Rich Evans, forgive him; for he knows not what he does.”
Well, yer a dick
I don’t know who “Lana Del Rey” is, but she sounds like a broad I’d wanna hate-fuck in the kitchen of a greasy-hot Chinese restaurant, and then be shot in the heart by on a waterfront pier as my last chance at freedom sailed off into the inky blackness of the Great South Bay.
So, thanks for that.
Actually Vengeance is pretty good.
Wait, you haven’t seen the other 4?
2 and with a Vengeance are actually pretty decent. Try giving those a shot. But fuck 4 and 5, they’re really bad.
You are an evil man.
At 5:29 Mike says, “Oh, that’s embarrassing. Oh that’s so embarrassing,” in response to Michael Bay having a poster from one of his other ‘films’ [Bad Boys II] in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
In the first Transformers film, some fat, loud, obnoxious kid is running around with a camera screaming [what most of his characters do] as the Autobots crash into Earth and he brings up Armageddon, another Bay ‘film’. “This is easily 100 times cooler than Armageddon! I swear to god!” Just listen to his voice and cringe…
But End of Evangelion made no sense to begin with. My mind is full of fuck
The fat guy saying that line looks the type of sweaty fat internet nerd that would say Armageddon sucks ass while he hugs his framed photo of Rei from NGE. I can’t tell if he smells because it’s a video
What Transformers films need to be better is to have a photo of Ronald Reagan awkwardly taped to a wall.
Heheh…the ol’ Mikey Bay prior movie plug.
Did you just pull a spyglass out of your dick?
So Michael Bay and his slave writers ran out of ideas and got rid of the ideas of the main enemy being the clearly evil robots. So what did they replace them with?
And their man made Transformers, which makes no sense because they want to destroy them all.
Also MAN builds Transformers to kill other Transformers. Which makes as much sense as any thing in the previous films, which nothing made sense.
[Clap, clap, clap.]
(And I mean the golf kind, not the STD kind.)
Why would these men do this to themselves? This is “the thing that should not be” that H.P. Lovecraft/Metallica were talking about, isn’t it? I’ll be interested to see the next RLM video, whatever it is, to see if all of them came through without some sort of brain damage.
I sincerely hope you’re referencing Mike from Best of the Worst: Wheels of the Worst #5 when he says, “And we can’t tell if he smells cause it’s a video.”
Not so subtle there, Shia LaBewbs.
Also more proof that you need to be brain dead to want to be a female lead an object of sexual desire in these films.
Oh Rich Evans, never change. It’s funny because the scene took place in a liberry and they hid under a chable. I can’t believe people liked these moopies.
Wow. I’m surprised how all these movies lined up… how they all rhymed. It’s like they were stylistically designed to be that way.
As someone who edits I’m very curious how long it took this person to render all that.
“I don’t wanna close my eyes, I don’t wanna fall asleep…”
Actually, yeah, I would prefer both of those things over these films.
What is this parodying?
Not only does Break taking this from RLM piss me off, but those stupid fucking comments also piss me off.
Fuck Schrodinger’s cat!
I’ve a feeling the characters will still be one dimensional, though.
From climax to credits is roughly 52 seconds, all in Michael Bay slow-mo, too.
He took a few notes from Vin Diesel and yells “I live for this shit” whenever he can.
Rich Evans laugh makes my dick tickle.
Hahahahah those AC Carriers weren’t in Pearl Harbor.
I use the same triple TVs setup to watch my porn.
It works the best.
BOTW and HITB are in different canons though; Mike and Jay don’t know who Rich Evans is in HITB universe, this Rich Evans is either comic book store man from Amazing Spiderman reviews or non-canon real Rich Evans as Fuck Me I’m Janurary said.
Or maybe BOTW takes place after HITB’s story finishes where comic book store man and Mike and Jay become close friends. We’ll have to wait and see.
But aren’t there like at least 10 of those when you count shit like Scary Movie and Meet the Spartans and Vampires Suck and so on?
So three screens of Rich Evans?
Die Hard 2 and 3 are awesome sequels. 4 and 5 are the crap ones.
No, that’s what my projector and the wall behind the TVs are for.
Nah… I just looked them up on imdb, cause I wanted to check if all of their names are also stereotypical or racial puns.
And as it turns out, THAT particular aspect of racial stereotyping in Michael Bay’s Transformers evolved with the movies.
From nothing really obvious with Glen Whitman (unless at some point the character was intended to be a caucasian nerd so the name whit-man was a pun of some kind…), through Ramon Rodriguez (cause calling him Mexy the Mexican was a bit insensitive I guess) to Asianman Jerry von Penisdick.
This Plinkett shot glass hasn’t made anything better..! Where do I go to complain?
“What a lovely box!” The only little joke from 2 or 3 or whatever that made me chuckle a bit, and realize what a dirty old man Michael Bay is.
It’s like poetry
I heard my father saying to go hang myself at the next gas station. I guess everyone gets a different subliminal message.
I hate — HATE — that they turned Optimus into a freaking Terminator. In virtually every incarnation but this, his character is noble to a fault, and that’s how he is exploited by the bad guys. Now he’s a robotic Schwarzenegger without the funny accent.
It’s like they put a GoPro in a barrel of spoons and rolled it down a staircase.
I want a Wild Wacky Action Bike
I never saw 2 & 3 so that bit with Optimus going all Death Wish made me howl with laughter.
Or he could have stuck hooks in his face and split his skull wide open — or jammed his sword through his neck while holding his head. Optimus is now a merciless terminator, which is pretty much the opposite of his character in every other incarnation.
Oh noes, grand ma-ma don’t like no PO-LICE on her carpet
Another waste of hitb time…
Okay, now do this with all the Jimmy Bond movies.
Anyone else think they should turn their attention to some of the better tv shows that have come along in the last few years, True Detective, Fargo, Boardwalk Empire and so on.
Would love to hear these hacks critique some real quality for a change..
Poison for the brain
Space Cop talking in shot reverse shot.
And a product of the steel gray skies of Millie-wall-kay Wiz-caaan-sin.
You wanna band Lana Del Rey just give her this look:
Doing so will TRANSFORM them from HACK FRAUDS to TAX FRAUDS.
One thing they’ve learned is that these movies grow progressively longer as the series goes on. The first one was rolling credits while the second was winding down, while the third was still blowing shit up.
The phrase “vomiting in stanzas” comes to mind.
Cracking idea. Including the original Casino Royale and Never Say Never Again.
Maybe, but at least it’ll be for their art.
You mean the originals featuring the voice talents of Corey Feldman (in at least one of them) and starring guy-who-kinda-looks-like-Robert-DeNiro as Casey Jones (in at least one of them)? That would be bodacious.
Every frame is so dense..
You’re referencing things I know!
Run-time –> 144 minutes
Transformers: Revenge of the Sith
Run-time –> 150 minutes
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Run-time –> 154 minutes
Transformers: Age of Aquarius
Run-time –> 165 minutes
Pottery? Like in that film, Ghost?
Fuck Off, Ghost!
Has he ever made reference to The Rock in any of his other moopies? Or would he rather people not remember that he actually made one genuinely half decent action film?
Because longer means better and more epicer. It’s the same reason Tarantino makes movies that should be 90 minutes into 3 hour bum-numbers.
There has to be porn in there somewhere…
Joke’s on you because she had an extensive education. An excerpt from wikipedia:
“While a 15 years old student, she undertook work experience at West End, London-based model agency Profile, before taking her GCSEs. Signed after graduating in summer 2003 aged 16, her first modelling session was for a Levi’s jeans commercial. She got her first big break in January 2004 when she travelled to New York for a shoot with Teen Vogue. She later made her catwalk debut alongside Naomi Campbell in New York in Spring 2004, and was then photographed by Bruce Weber for Abercrombie & Fitch..”
Okey, she probably likes to inject heroin into her eyes.
So you remember when I’ve been saying the first two transformer movies were the exact same movie all along? Remember that?
The Geekdom of this post is at critical mass….
But it doesn’t matter how long they are, the ticket price is the same either way.
Is Transformers 4 Age Of Ettsplinktion out in the U.S. yet?
Can we expect a HITB of it or was all of this for nothing?
Red Letter Masochists.
Here’s a bucket. I found it in Rich’s Office underneath the box fan.
It as a book adaptation (All You Need is Kill). I really liked the film though.
This episode was a bresh of freth air.
I heard that M.Bay wanted to make a live action Neon Genesis Evangelion.
those films may be awful, but their a cheasure trest of nonmedy.
“After I rape your childhood I’m going to rape George Will. Megan Fox, CGI, robots, and ‘splosions.” — Michael Bay
Mike saw that, too.
I don’t even like Evangelion and that is the worse idea since a Michael Bay producing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. That’s like having Zack Snyder direct a Cowboy Bebop movie.
I know you’re just funning us, but I’ll play along:
My god it’s lower than the second one
Good lord and thought that Jimmy Johns guy on youtube was harsh
I just hope the Police Academy Ratio shows with these Transformers movies now that the forth one’s getting a real shitstorm on rottentomatoes.
Can a LaFox mate with a werdwolf?
Fuck the critics-97% of the audience is dying to see it so all is right with the world!
The birds and the beads
Fuck off, Ghost!
If they watched the third one by itself, they’d know the one Optimus kills was actually a bad guy.
“Zack Snyder direct a Cowboy Bebop movie.”
The very suggestion made me dry-heave a little.
No, but seriously, he’d turn Edward into a sexualized prepubescent Japanese girl in a schoolgirl uniform.
Fuck. This got posted on Reddit, hence the shitty youtube comments about Rich. Guys, please don’t share RLM with Reddit.
Rich Evans also plays such roles as Officer We Don’t Know and Construction Man. He’s also been seen in HITB as Satan himself! Maybe HITB is really an exploration of Rich Evans’ Multiple Personality Disorder and Mike and Jay soullessly exploit his medical condition for movie reviews. Maybe future Rich Evans went back in time and was inside the Showbiz Pizza Bear costume at his 4th birthday party, fulfilling the Trick-or-Treat Showbiz Pizza Bear prophecy. I guess we’ll never know.
You mean a live-action Tales from Genesis Space?
thats probably the least extensive education you can have
Someone needs to get killed again.
Not the beads! NOT THE BEADS! AHHHHH!
Ah yes, the internet..
Maybe they could review comic books as well, surely that would please you surely.
What if “Transformers 4″ is really just Michael Bay’s way of testing the audience with how much shit he can cram into a film before they finish editing “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”
It’s so dense. Every single TV has so many things going on.
I don’t even know what that means!
Ok, so I did it, and here’s what I discovered:
-drinking beer at the same time was the most common thing
-Mike monopolizing the conversation was also extremely common, there were at least 7 or 8 times that all three Mikes were ranting at the same time
-drinking beer at the same time happened pretty frequently
-around 9:40ish two Richs say “it isn’t actually” at the same time
-all three videos featured the guys wearing plaid, and all three framed the persons wearing plaid to the right of the screen
-13:20 two Richs have the same relaxed arms-back pose on the chable
-there were a couple times when two Jays were giggling at the same time, possible once or twice all three
-One moment in particular that made me laugh was when these three things happened at the same time “Khan, you’re a super man build our ship,” “he’s so much better than us and we just have to try to live up to this weird alien”, [picture of the joel schumacher batman costumes].
-both man of steel and into darkness mention 9/11
Overall it was a pretty harrowing experience. I found myself doing the very same tennis-match head movements. I’m gonna go lie down now…
Who would be a little older so that when she inevitably hits on Spike, it wouldn’t be as squicky.
And Jet Black would be played by Jack Black. Because fuck you, that’s why.
That’s what gifs were made for.
You, sir, deserve a medal:
Attention to arms: Citation reads as follows: For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity, at the risk of his life, and above and beyond the call of merely commenting and giffing, Private Faddlechud took on a HITB triple threat and disarmed said threat and reported back to HQ, providing the Plinkettes with invaluable intelligence that could be obtained in no other way without inordinate sacrifice of life and brain cells.
So by the power vested in me as #2 commenter on this webzone, I hereby present to you the Redlettermedian Medal of Horror. Congratulations.
Finally! At long last, I’ve watched all of Star Trek in it’s entirety, and it only took me 17 minutes.
My god. There are people who actually want to watch it.
BotW is something completely different. It’s real life Mike & Jay talking about shitty B-movies and the finger chopping thing was a joke that only lasted thru the next episode.
With the exception of Special Editions (aka ones they embed straight from youtube and don’t even bother using the Blip player), HitB has it’s only storyline with fictionalized versions of Mike & Jay and it’s own lore.
Seems like we’d get the review of Grown Ups 2 if they did that.
It’s shit. What’d you expect?
Rich Evans is the Tatiana Maslany of RLM.
It’s funnier when they review trash.
They did watch the third one by itself when it was released, and they do discuss in that review if the bad guy redeems himself or not, he doesn’t, before Optimus executes him. They probably don’t remember, because it’s a Michael Bay movie, you are not supposed to remember this many years later, because your brain can’t register what’s happening on the screen.
97% of users want to see? Well, it is the internet: home of /4chan, reddit, ducklips, selfies, rule34, etc.
Transformers: Age of Excretion
It’s at 17% now. This would bring me hope, but this film is still going to kill at the box office and probably make $1 billion worldwide. :'(
The film should be titled to fit the length. Transformers: Age of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
How dare they insult the sex god known as Rich Evans!
No, it wouldn’t. And don’t call me Shirley.
I think you mean th’ere, not tha’re.
Hence his comment is funny.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit posting on RLM.
And there would be no jazz in it, but dubstep cuz movies have to be contemporary now.
Which review are these gifs from?
Let’s see if I can put it over the top.
The fat guy in the first Transformers movie also looks like the type that jacks it to a statue of Asuka cause it was in that one movie. I can’t tell if he smells like BO and vinegar cause it’s a video.
What’s wrong with your braaaaaand?
Thank god you guys did this. I was really thinking I’d have to sit down and watch these fucking things.
(I actually don’t mind Michael Bay. Armageddon & Bad Boys II are fun bad movies, The Island is pretty decent, and Pain & Gain is genuinely good. But Transformers? Sheesh, I’m an adult)
Why do people like this shit?
Rich Evans is right. The designs look so junky and not at all cool or how i’d picture a robot to look. They didn’t have to use the cartoon designs but they could make them look a little less like each other. :/
She smart in terms of getting a lot of money / fame / modeling sure, but personally I think any woman that sells themselves using sex is selling themselves short, which isn’t always so smart. After all, both the modeling and movie industry will probably throw her away by the time she’s 30. :/
If Michael Bay and Len Kabasinski had a kid….it would just be a travesty for film and humanity in every way….
If you take each video stream and layer them with Transformers 1 2 3 at 33% 66% and 100% opacity respectively, play them all on top of each other, and then also play Dark Side of the Moon they’ll sync of perfectly and the composite audio/video will create an intelligible and watchable film. Trust me.
What happens if you watch them all at 100% opacity while smoking opium?
this video went viral so it’s not just reddit but every nerd baiting website that reposted this video you can be thankful for cancer tier comments.
There’s a finite amount?
Is she reading a cue card?
If you have them all at 100% opacity then you are only going to be able to see the one on the top layer. Can’t speak to the opium usage though. Perhaps research in this area is required.
I think someone brought up the idea of something about there being some kind of Rich Evans Clone Wars that will be addressed in the HITB prequels, I like that idea.
I think I was focusing so hard on how to properly spell the garbled version of treasure chest that I diverted too much brain and wasn’t focusing on spelling normal words correctly. Evans forgive me.
That was the likely interpretation but I thought it possible non-Brits would consider GCSE’s to be something advanced so had to throw myself in the line of fire to be certain no one earth considered her educated.
A triptych of hackfraudery.
Lazy fucks, we want a plinketts review. And Half in the Bag with the Plinkett character. Give us what we want…. Oh, myyyyy goooodddddddddddddd!!!!
This will be the sixth time I have enjoyed this, and I have become exceedingly efficient at it.
It would ruin Len’s career!
The holiday sale.
Considering that some bloggers give up reviewing TV shows because of the struggle to provide weekly content, I don’t see how RLM could do this with their schedule as loaded as it is.
Even if they reviewed on a season-by-season basis, it’s 10 hours of footage that they have to cram into a review that’s less than an hour long. If, for whatever reason, they only review one season and don’t recommend the show, people will probably bitch that the second season will be better because of x or y, and we’re stuck with “When’s the next review of said show, you hack frauds!” syndrome.
If RLM chose to do it, that’s cool, but I can completely understand why they wouldn’t.
For every comment stating “Rich Evans Sucks” is a response of “Rich Evans Rocks” with quadruple the likes of the original comment. The good responses are just hidden underneath, is all.
You could just drop your shitty shot glass off at your local landfill.
The city will probably reject it, though.
I didn’t know you could do the Truffle Shuffle while running.
Hey, did you guys know that a new Transformers movie is coming out TODAY?! Apparently it’s even more awful than any of the first three! Wow!
As much as I appreciate the joke of watching the whole trilogy at once, I have to point out that doing it like this means that you are deliberately sabotaging the viewing experience and thus undermining the integrity of the review.
True, but I’m not sure a serious review of these films is even possible. They’re just… cacophonous messes.
hold up if you set film 1 on the bottom layer at 100% opacity and film 2 in the middle layer at 66% and film 3 on the top layer at 33% opacity then you’d see about 33% of 3, 44.22%(two thirds of the original 66%) of 2, and 22.11%(two thirds of 33%, which is one third of the original 100%) of 1 which would be uneven. now strictly speaking you haven’t implied that it’d be 33% of each film but i know you thought it inside your head.
I just saw Transformers: Age of Extinction. It was….(fill in the blank)
there’s no need to deliberately say that it wasn’t a serious review because the watchers could tell that from the atmosphere.
Um, what review? This is more-so a reaction than a review.
Or are you saying they’re sabotaging the integrity of their reactions?
Ergo. Concordantly. Vis-à-vis.
Did you forgot when they reviewed transformers 3…having neither of them seeing the movie in it’s entirety?
These videos are like poetry.
…. a pleasant surprise?
Remove the fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
the worst thing made by a human…except for the bagpipes.
This one, considering the fact that China is in the movie.
That’s mint. These Richisms are, well, rich!
Ah, yes. I was, uh, just pulling’ all of your legs…
Obviously. Of COURSE I know about this… *Nervous laughter.* My friends have never scolded me before for not knowing what Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was. *Clears throat.* Nor for not knowing the theme song. *Oh god I think they know I’m bluffing…*
I’m genuinely impressed that you went through this and reported back to us!
It was fork in the brain.
I think this might be the truest review of these movies.
The point wasn’t to judge any of them independently, but to show how each movie is the exact same collection of cliche’s and mind-numbing action, beat for beat. They can’t really sabotage the review when each movie is exactly the same.
I can’t go on Reddit anymore. The people there defend shit like the Transformers movies and Man of Steel far too often and far to vehemently for any serious discourse to take place.
And because Mark Wahlberg looks like a duck.
What, you don’t know about ALL of the shows about American Midwest guys ripping into terrible movies?
That may be the best review of a Transformers movie ever.
In my experience with Sony Vegas layering works as subtractive percentage-wise. I haven’t done it in a long time but I have in the past layered 3 videos on top of each other and watched them simultaneously, and maybe if the layering were on “multipy mask” or something like that your logic would hold up, but in the traditional 33% 66% 100% alpha or whatever the default is it worked better to layer them at 3rds levels, unless I’m completely remembering that wrong (which is possible I haven’t had occasion to layer videos like this in a while).
I do appreciate the merits/logic of your math, and I’ll concede it may even be right, but IIRC how I said to do it worked better and achieved the desired effect.
Mark Wahlberg has the face of duck meat.
No you don’t; that would mean living in Milwaukee….
Cacophonous mess is a great band name. Maybe for those specializing in Polka.
That’s the most neutral thing to say about him.
The most disappointing thing since my son
Michael Bay is a complete douche bag. He said in response to his criticism said “I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime.” Well it is because teenaged boys like stupid ass, unintelligent shit like Adam Sandler films and that fraud Pewdiepie. Bay even has the face of a complete douche.
Maybe for a polka-punk band. That’s a pretty self-consciously rebellious name. :p
My favorite Chinese proverb!
Oh god… that genre actually exists. XD
4 and 5 need to be watched simultaneously with 1 2 and 3 cause why not ! to be honest i had 5 for over a year and have not watched it yet sadly.
O mai gaaaaaad! You saw it? You should feel… goult… guyl… g…. no wait. Whats that… Aww.
You’ve found infinity. The looping is pretty much flawless.
Are you Michael Bay?
Optimus is Spock, not Charles Bronson. Straight-laced heroes don’t usually execute injured bad guys in cold blood.
I didn’t realize Pain & Gain was for 12 year olds.
I figured he made these movies for his one true love: Kim Jong Un.
already claimed it as a blog name for my web zone in which I detail the spiraling decay of my mental state. Make sure to subscribe.
This is less of a review and more of an experiment.
I don’t feel too guilty. I mean, I bought my ticket (actually I snuck in through the side door when people were leaving), I bought my popcorn (actually booze), and I was ready to see the fourth and hopefully final installment of the Transformers series. At that point, I was thinking, how bad could it really be?
Joking and Plinkett-referencing aside, I honestly did just go because my friends were going. I pretty much got exactly what I expected. Do I feel guilty?…..yes, a little bit. I despise that movie.
what was the security recordings that showed all the engineres running from something…were they running from the black goo…was the black goo attacking them…if they were running away from the black goo attacking them and trying to kill them then why was the one guy running into the room where all the wases with the black goo was when the door closed and cut his head off… should’t he be running away from that room…did he forget his wallet in there….hey guys have you seen prometheus? what’s prometheus?
When I saw 22 Jump Street there was tons of 12 year old kids there. I guess 12 year olds are into hard R films.
Oh no…. my fraudpost was discovered… I admit, I changed my post….
Well, now everyone will know what a blackgoogungan I am.
And, might aswell respond. I watched all the transformers movies with some degree of enjoyment. I loved the org.series cartoon. I hate Mr Bay and I hate these movies as movies. But I still like parts of them. Somewhat of the original Optimus survived and made it into this movie. I like also Bumblebee and some action sequences.
I saw Transformers: Age of Extinction tonight and used it as an opportunity to try the old penis-in-the-popcorn trick. It was a rousing success.
Per se. Tête-à-tête. Sesquipedalian.
I saw an art installation in Bordeaux with Aliens and Alien III playing simultaneously on two monitors next to each other.
whos got the gif of jay firing a pistol and wincing?
Why does Bay always try and use the most popular music in pop culture with each of his films now? The score for turtles is all dubstep, these films all date so terribly from a sound standpoint alone.
Also, I agree with Rich, they are all a confusing scrapyard, where I can only tell Bumblebee and Optimus apart because they are yellow and blue/red respectively. Freaking confusing as sin. What is it they say? You should be able to tell every character from their silhouette?
No. My dick is a spyglass.
My “friends” tried to get me to go see Transformers IV. I told em: “No, I’m going to be busy trying to fill up a shoe with my own semen.”
Sorry! I kind of know what you mean. A part of me wants to like some parts of the movies.
When has an R rating ever stopped a determined teenager?
What about the animated movie though? D:
so i found it but then i also found something so much better…http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/701/1057/original.jpg
It’s gonna be great.
Every frame is so dense. Every single image has so many things going on…
The only difference is I was vomiting in stanzas.
Hopefully the movie didn’t give you an STI.
Will Ferrell didn’t say that!
I remember when this was made. Good times.
I didn’t know if I had it or not, so I decided to make one just for you.
“that is possibly the most brain-scrapeingly irritating laugh ive ever heard in my life.”
Them’s fightin’ werds!
He has a ridiculous amount of swagger for walking up to a huge pile of dinosaur dung.
This video has produced a glorious GIF of our Lord and Saviour, Rich Evans.
And a pretty good one of Mike, too.
Visited some friends for a number of days and sporadic and limited internet access.
Also, what’s a “World Cup”? Is that a planetary sized cup that can fit the entire Earth into it?
Jay finally realized people were looking at him online so he decided to do something. Mike and Rich decided on donuts.
I got a headache just watching you watch them. God bless you all.
I hope your victim does not have long nails for your sake.
A lot of people have been giving praise to PAIN & GAIN, but honestly I thought it glorified a bunch of asshole criminals for no reason.
Considering how much I loved the genius of this short video, I can only imagine what will happen to my penis when the Plinkett review is released.
hopefully it’ll work out
Pewdiepie is kind of funny…but his sense of humor gets old reallllllllly fast.
Why’d you spend money on that shit?
Is that you…Arthur C. Clark?
lol, historically teenagers and hard R’s go hand in hand
I guess I’m not as knowledgeable of RLM joke trends/arcs as I thought. So at 0:25, is Jay:
A) Continuing Len Kabasinski’s joke of “Is this real life?” in BotW 18 (shown below)?
B) Making a disconnected/unrelated joke about “real life” that has a similar effect (as in, a coincidence, or a spur-of-the-moment joke)
C) Referencing some other RLM joke about “real life?”
D) None of the above
Maybe I shouldn’t even care. Maybe I shouldn’t be looking into this so hard. I may have gone too fa- *gets shot*
The saying most likely gained popularity from the viral video ‘David After Dentist’ but I don’t think he’s directly referencing it. It’s somewhat of its own saying, similar to random things people say like “Jesus Christ!” and “What the fuck?!”
“Pewdiepie is kind of funny” That’s the funniest thing that I’ve read all week
Ohhhhh yeah, I forgot about that. Thanks, that makes the most sense.
I’ve always had a serious problem with that scene…The pile of poopoo appears to be stacked to over 6feet…however the Triceratops’ asshole cannot be further off the ground than 2.5 3 feet tops! So are we to believe the dinosaur is doing dino handstands in its sickened state?
The herd poops into one giant pile and its one of their jobs to mould it.
What do you suppose that guy writes on his resume?
Great Organizational Skills.
Can Handle Tough Jobs Other Don’t Want To Do.
why hasn’t someone assassinated bay yet?
I approve of this kind of rigorous investigation into throwaway jokes. -_-b Thumbs-up sir!
This reminds me of one of the seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD. I can’t remember which one, but if you chose “play all” then it literally showed every episode at the same time. I was too amused to be pissed.
Good choice using a reaction video format. I think that if they tried to do a real review of the series a la the Resident Evil episode, they probably would have started bleeding internally 3/4 of the way through Revenge of the Fallen and died somewhere around John Malkovich’s perplexing cameo in Dark of the Moon.
I figure you’re quoting, but just in case:
Interesting concept. Gave me half a stalk. I was drinking at the drive-in when I saw the second or third one. Never saw the first one.
I had no idea that certain scenes would sync-up like that, but I suppose it is not surprising. RLM could really open up the playing field and view all Bruckheimer|Bay films to see if there has been a boilerplate storyline for a long while.
Where is Bumblee and what has he had?!!
Mike briefly looked into the abyss of darkness and was rewarded with the gift of madness.
“What has he done to you?!?”
Half In the bag marketing machine spins up? *check
Huge Lolz, indignation, and Micky Bay hate ensue? *check
Transformers 4 makes 100 million in first weekend? *check
Way to go fuckers!
Here’s what I think he’ll say:
The Transformer movies are like a rubix cube that collided with my other ex-wife’s car. I got a neat rainbow colored car out of it. Unfortunately, it’s got the aerodynamics of my first ex-wife. These movies are a mess, but they are stylistically designed to be this way, but let’s not diminish the effects. It’s times like these that I actually miss Jorge. Lucas actually did make a great movie once. You know, before he got eaten by fat Lucas. Michael Bay has never made a good movie. All of his movies are designed to bludgeon all of your senses, kinda like that blue crystal meth that Bambi tried to steal from me. You know, right before she killed herself in the bathtub.
Number 1. Do you remember when stories had a plot? You know, the story that Homer Simpson invented with the Illad? Well fuck that noise, cause we’ve got boobs, cars, and robot cars fighting next to boobs. Which could be cool, I guess. Except we have hours of this stupid human drama that serves no point at all and has nothing to do with what I came here for? Why am I watching Shia Lebeuf stutter and get seizures? I can see that whenever I grab the stun gun and zap a hooker with it. Make sure to get the one with the prongs that shoot out cause it works the best.
Number 2. Seriously, what’s wrong with your faaaccee? The Transformers themselves look like junkyards having sex with each other. I’m told by neeerrdds that they are different characters and have names and shit, but I didn’t see anything that resembles a character. I just saw a bunch of racial caricatures. Man, and I thought being White was hard. Ironically, these one dimensional…things?…Spocks?….monkeys? have more personality than this lady, or that lady, or this guy. The design is somehow over stylized and undefined at the same time. It’s like Picasso made love to Frank Gehry while Jackson Poll…Polack? watched with a video camera. Wanna hear a great Polack joke? I do. Send it here to http://www.youracistfuck.net.
Wow. Mike’s joke about the Wright Brother’s plane being the first Transformer was actually not nearly as stupid as what the real film decided to go with.
“My father? Why, he was the wheel. The first wheel!”
Fuck these movies.
It needs more green-screen.
“Now imagine a talking rabbit steps in space shit”
It’s very well known that teenage Isaac Newton would sneak into the R-rated films. After successfully sneaking into 19 R-rated films, he was finally caught and kicked out of the theatre on his 20th try.
It was this event that caused him to rethink his priorities, and by extension his life, as he had been wasting his potential up until that point. Most people don’t quite understand the gravity of this change.
What has he had?!!
Ugh I hate EWW.
What you say?
Because, as Harry Shearer was so good to remind us, it’s never the unpopular president who gets shot.
Meh. Seeing as how it was rather painstaking trying to find a clip from Transformers 2 for something else I was doing, I decided it was easier just to time code this video instead of wasting time trying to find this clip on YouTube.
Michael Bay actually died 25 years ago, but the Hollywood movie/marketing execs have been pulling a “Weekend at Bernies” routine with his corpse so they can continue to make shitty movies with impunity.
I don’t think it’ll be a Transformers review. That horse is dead enough already.
But but but… I thought Mike likes thwords!
Optometrist Prime has TOO thwords!
What do you want in the next Transformers movie?
A different director would probably make the biggest and most substantial difference in terms of quality.
It was a little event you might of heard of called WORLD WAR ONE!
I’ve started to hate it, too. It’s one thing to point out every single flaw and cliche in a movie, but if you can’t take those critiques to the next level to show why they hurt the effectiveness of the story, you’re just a nitpicking little bitch.
I just thought Jay was a fan of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I already saw Revenge of the Fallen…
Cut. Let’s try it again.
Wait a minute, you’re not Rick Berman.
Get the Fuck out!
Except the pinkie, for snorting purposes.
“Take that, society!”
“What has you done to yo-self?”
Well, many of his ‘sins’ are tongue-in-cheek and he’ll pick apart films of any quality with roughly the same formula for sins. The motto for the channel is literally “no movie is without sin”. The whole point is to be incredibly anal and nitpicky about films and there are people that get entertainment out of him doing so [although some seem to think their favourite movies are terrible and flawed now, which I think is a bit much].
That being said, these videos are starting to get rather repetitive and have lost part of its charm. They used to be more entertaining for some reason, but now they’re somewhat difficult to sit through and I don’t find them as amusing or funny. This video I only cracked a smile a few times whereas before I would actually have a few laughs.
He may need to change how he approaches his videos. I prefer him talking to himself across a table about recent films.
17 of the Cheesiest Lines from the new Transformers movie:
“I’m literally going to kill you.” – Cade Yaeger (Mark Wahlberg)
“That’s a bad idea — but I’m all about bad ideas.” – Hound (John Goodman)
“What kind of cars are those? They’re so scary!” – Lucas Flannery (T.J. Miller)
“I’m Galvatron!” – Galvatron (Frank Welker)
“This one’s for you, A-hole!” – Crosshairs (John DiMaggio)
“Take out your guns and shoot them!” – James Savoy (Titus Welliver)
“There’s a missile in the living room!” – Tessa Yeager (Nicola Peltz)
“When I find out who’s behind this, he’s going to die.” – Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen)
“My face is my warrant.” – James Savoy
“Take that, bitch! You’re dead!” – Hound
“Human freedom is at stake.” – Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer)
“We’re retrieving the seed — then we’re done defending the humans.” – Optimus Prime
“Prime’s taken my trophy case, and he will feel my wrath!” – Lockdown (Mark Ryan)
“Autobots, we’re going to prove who we are, and why we’re here.”– Optimus Prime
“These alien guns kick ass!” – Cade Yaeger
“Come and get some! You’re all going to die!” – Hound
“Whenever you look to the stars, think of one of them as my soul.”– Optimus Prime
When he’s talking about movies that work, I agree, but here, he clearly states how stupid this movie is.
Ya, I prefer the talking across the table, too. I’ll never tire of “What’s the Damage?” but I can no longer watch EWW videos. I’d rather wash dishes than listen to them.
Ehren Kruger will still write it though
Poor Frank Welker. He’s one of my two personal heroes in voice acting and he’s saying these stupid ass lines for a paycheck.
Mmmm, they rhyme!
What is it with Ricks?
Ten years later this song is still relevant…
Same with john DiMaggio.
I just find it grating and annoying personally. I find “honest trailers” to be even worse…the whole concept is thrown directly out the window as they leave the format from go…they’re usually three minutes long, discuss the entire plot including spoilers, the actors either celebrity or past acting performances amongst others issues that are not coming directly to mind. I think aside from the fine point that domo put on it I simply do not like the guy’s sense of humor.
I actually only realized that after I made the comment, but ive been brooding so long about youtube suggesting eww that i simply needed to say something…
Personally, I feel he paints all movies with the same broad brush of horridness, so a fan can’t tell the difference between a good movie and a terrible one. To him, Life of Pi is just as bad as Sinister, just maybe not as many sins. So instead of creating film fans, he creates film trolls who nitpick everything to death.
But not Ed Asner. Granny Goodness always says the right thing.
Oh come on, Domo, that last line is beautiful robot poetry.
I’m gonna do that every night, with the star that turns out to just be an airplane…
Or shiny space debris.
Kruger…must be a cousin to Freddy.
Critic proof movies are the bane of cinema. The only way to stop these movies is if people started to realize that what they’re watching is not good but we can’t because a vast majority of the movie going audience is full of drooling idiots and babies.
I have a soft spot for T.J. Miller and I have more respect for him after seeing his audition for Yogi the Bear [which was probably a shit movie but this audition is funny, I think].
Transformers about to burn up in the atmosphere?
Well, it was society’s shoe.
It would be awesome if Mike and Jay did and epic Jack an Jill style review of the Transformers series. That way they can really show the harmful nature of these films and refute Michael Bay’s philosophy of “I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime” (like you quoted). I could be jumping the gun here, though.
Hmmm, it seems faster to take this video and combine it with the Jack and Jill review. It’s pretty much the same thing.
You’re right about that, and I just thought of that right after I commented. You really can just do “Find and Replace”
edit of the script of the Jack and Jill review to fit the Transformers series.
One must do something while waiting for the next video (But I really was wondering about that).
There are some terrific podcasts that do the cross table style…I subscribe to “yeah it’s that bad” “we hate movies” “your favorite podcast”…there are certainly more but those are all ones I stand behind…
I was being completely sincere, if that wasn’t clear.
“One must do something while waiting for the next video”
Indeed. Indeed… Waiting for new content is the slow descent into madness.
Guys, will you review Edge of Tomorrow (it’s AMAZING by the way)?
Pro Tip: When asking them to review a flick refer to them as “hack-frauds” or “neck-bearded x”…
Where’s the Mrs Brown’s Boys D’Moopie/Anjelica Huston’s Agnes Browne comparison extravaganza?
OMG! Gotta hand it to you guys, I could NEVER had done that. Unless they held my eyes open Clockwork Orange style.
There’s a rumor going around that if you watch Transformers 4 backwards its about robots hitting each-other in slow motion and ‘splosions…
Does that actually work?
Season 3, I believe. I actually watched a few episodes of ATHF last night. I forgot about how dark some of those episodes are.
The wait for each RLM video is as agonizing as it is worth it.
“And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”–Freddie Kneecha.
You probably don’t want to read this article in the Wall Street Journal about Pewdiepie:
I don’t know. It’s been four weeks since the last BOTW. I’m an old man with very little patience. Make with the funny already.
New animated Plinkett coming right up.
Review Regarding Henry, you neck-bearded hack-frauds!
*insert cliched reference to 90’s film staring a talking pig here*
Gordy for the win!
Don’t forget this gem:
“I can’t wait for the sequel!” — Michael Bay
Here is an old blog about Linkin Park, with much the same theme.
Yes. Ironic that during summers when you have the time to waste these hacks don’t shove out their useless crap. Atleast there is a myriad of old crap to watch.
Ive watched (and rewatched) StarTrek 5 with the Plinkett-commentary so I don’t go insane of waiting! -Try it. Or maybe Babys day out- review ,it’s also a masterpiece.
Actually really waiting/looking forward for Spacecop. I heard that he’s on the case.
Yes! More redrums…… wait smurder?
Something more to flush down to the plane’core.
Very interesting. Thanks
So that’s what you look like when you suffer brain trauma.
I still hope for a Team America sequel.
But at the end of part 3, Optimus said “But the day will never come that we forsake this planet and its people.”
It’s right up there in the video! WHAT A PLOT HOLE!
/Shakes neck fat violently.
Dude, youtube has a metric shit ton of MST3K vids…just watch those.
“We don’t want one” — The audience
Thank god Steven Jay Blum voice of my favorite characters and hero of mine hasn’t been involved in these movies….oh shit, I probably just gave Bay an idea
By planet core I assume he means planet core
A man makes four million dollars in profit because of him doing nothing but sitting on his ass playing video games and yelling into the camera with no effort put into it at all.
He just witnessed a Michael Bay that’s not The Rock
Typical Transformers movie plot formula:
1. Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime narrates some backstory for the film.
2. Opening action scene featuring Humans fighting a Transformer usually alongside another.
3. Introduce human characters that we don’t care about. They include the generic relatable man, sex object, annoying comedic relief, or they can be all rolled into one.
4. Human discovers some Transformer related or finds a Transformer.
5. Human is then attacked by a Decepticon but then is safe from danger.
6. Human characters must meet up with Autobots.
7. The government gets involved.
8. Government wants to stop Autobots and the human characters.
9. The Decepticons attack so the Government now trusts the Autobots.
10. Highway scene.
11. Giant city fight.
12. Decepticons lose and the Autobots win.
13. Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime has an ending monologue.
14. Credits end with a Linkin Park song
Your formula does not include the “mysterious MacGuffin”….but other than that seems pretty legit.
15. Fuck her right in the pussy.
So, you are saying that Linkin Park in the soundtrack for these movies is like a match made in heaven?
It’s like rain…at my dead wife’s funeral.
That would be number 4. The MacGuffin is always connected the Transformers and the human characters find it
I warned you not to read it.
ooh good call. MB.
You may also be forgetting that the United States military must be involved as the protagonists. There must be multiple shots of military technology which is eerily similar to recruitment commercials. Waiting to see the sheer number of military advisers and sponsors mentioned in the credits is telling.
I’d fuck her right in the pussy
I didn’t read I actually knew about that story through a ReviewTechUSA video
The ending makes no sense. that kills the movie.
People call me a smuderer even though I’ve never been scaught.
That will be filed under typical elements in Michael Bay or Transformers “films”
1. Camera angled up from a downward position as people exit cars.
2. Stereotypical fight on highway and/or street.
3. Lens flares for the purposes of lens flares. Or artsy fartsy AA Abrams crap.
4. A usually respected actor embarrassing themselves in a stupid and horribly written role.
5. Spinning shots.
6. Bad editing in action scenes.
7. Bad editing in non action scenes.
8. Horrible design for Transformers.
9. Terrible camera work during an action scene.
10. Sex jokes.
11. Dick/crotch related humor.
12. Piss related jokes.
13. Huge under performance from sex object.
14. Inhuman dialogue.
15. Only the voice actors have fun in their roles because they get to be giant robots.
16. All actors that appear on screen do not care for the movie and clearly just want a paycheck.
It’s like poetry. It kinda rhymes….
Your list is pretty good, but you’re severely lacking in the REALLY SLOW MOTION department.
How did you miss that?!
Perhaps he doesn’t care for MST3K?
Critic proof movies are the Bane of your what?
Hey now, dubstep is pretty good… if you’re deaf.
Pewdiepie is kind of funny… if you like laughing at autistic people.
That’s called being a big O.T.
Milton Bradley? What do they have to do with fucking anybody right in the pussy? Who are you? Why am I listening to you?
Bay just randomly uses slow mo
I’ll be right back. I gotta go to court cuz I accidentally ran over a Skorean family with my car…
If she wants to die I’ll volunteer to stab her…
With my pork sword.
It wouldn’t be appropriate. The budget for these films is somewhat justifiable given the massive use of CGI and on-location filming. Albeit they are terrible movies, at least MB seems to at least enjoy making movies. Sandler has contempt for his audience AND the art of filmmaking. Fuck that guy.
Cade Yaeger? Is he Eren’s dad??
I think he meant “story” elements…but with transformers it might as well be…
Holy shit! I never noticed that before…
The writers gave that sex object a name?
I was just signing my initials…MB MB as in Michael Bay! I’ve been spying on all you haters!
hahaha The man you trusted wasn’t Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I’ve been smoking harmless tobacco!
Did you add in the puppy factor?
Fixed now. Disqus loves making comments a nightmare sometimes.
You should check the suckability index chart
“On that day RedLetterMedia received a grim reminder, that they are all hack frauds”
Since Bane sounds like Sean Connery I can post this!
Bay used to rip off Fincher’s visual style all the time back in the day.
The failure of the Transformers movies is their editing. Writing is always bad but they need less frenetic editing and go back to story.
Cade Yaeger is Cypher Rage’s former college roommate.
….still gets to make big budget movies and turn them into shlock. Pity.
Wow, on the other hand I had no idea David’s first movie(realmovie) was Alien3.
Fincher absolutely loathed that set.
You wanna hear the craziest shit you’ve heard all day? As flawed as it is I prefer Fincher’s smaller darker Alien cubed to Cameron’s big nuts rockandroll guns and action Aliens. I guess unlike everyone else on the planet I never had a problem with the story starting a low point for Rip. Yes, I know my chubbby for Fincher is showing.
That wouldn’t be kosher.
You already posted this video as part of a joke once on this thread man and nobody laughed the first time…
You already posted this video as part of a joke once on this thread man and nobody laughed the first time…
haha! fair enough
You needn’t take it any further, RLM. You’ve proved to me that all this Transformersplosions and Michael Bay films is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I’ve
learned me lesson, RLM. I’ve seen now what I’ve never seen before. I’m
cured! Praise Rich Evans! I’m cured!
Oh nice! I think the third should be given way more credit/space than it has got. I love them both. I really enjoy them both. I guess I really can’t pick a winner.
The mopie has problems but I also try to imagine scifi movies set in these kind of set-enviroment (the miserable backend humancondition, jail, God, justice/redemption) and there are really not many of them and I dont think we will get one more of these.
I mean A3 has a really dark, depressing atmosphere but I’ts also poetic enough not to make me depressed.
Ripley ends up on a planet from where there is no escape. Everyone in her pastlife is dead and now she has mentally ruined/disturbed criminals as her shrinks/redeemers.
Her 3 minute boyfriend gets killed, the only sane person in the movie. Bishop wants to go back to sleep.
She is dying, she has nothing to live for. “You’ve been in my life so long, I can’t remember anything else”.
Sad,depressing,you want to vomit of grief.
She gets to die knowing that the company does not get to make more aliens.
I love it! Beutiful movie.
Oh man. 20takes per scene, constant changing script and fresh off making Madonna musicvideos? Lucky, noone murdered him!
Very glad that A3 didn’t become a woodencathedral/monk/Renny Harlin piece of shlock!
He has a distinct David Copperfield vibe going on.
I don’t think Alien: Resurrection is as bad as people seem to make out either. It certainly has its problems. It’s definitely the biggest, dumbest, most Hollywoodest of those first 4, but it has it’s moments.
Praise Rich Evans!
WHERE’S THE RISE OF THE DAWN OF THE DAY OF THE BATTLE OF THE CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES REVIE- Oh, it’s not out yet.
This really is the hardest one to judge in my mind.
I think its the most generic Alien movie. The sortof one I would make. It’s a “I know how to entertain people” kind of movie. It’s well made, it’s not dumb, it really has it’s moments as you say and it delivers. A safebet movie in my mind.
I don’t badmouth it. I like it but it lacks what the others had.
The first just scared the crap out of you. Scifi atmosphere, expolore, discover turn ugly.
Second one is filled with a “they are going to kick so much ass” buildup suspence and it does not turn into cheap action. A balanced action/scifi movie.
The third I have explained.
And the fourth is a good movie. A generic one. Atleast for me.
Johner: I heard you ran into these things before!
Ripley: That’s right!
Johner: Wow! So, what did you?
Ripley: I died!
It is well made, It’s a lovely looking film. It can be pretty cheesy in places but there are some genuinely well done dramatic moments in it – flame-throwers vs fail-clones, the xeno/human genetic abomination being sucked through the crack in the window is kinda heartbreaking.
I think, like you say, it was just a case of it being a safe bet, and where Fincher tried to fight the constant interference and changes and whatnot, I think Jean-Pierre Jeunet made a point of just doing as he was told and not making too much of a fuss.
Okay I get it he sucks.
They’re funny sometimes. I would say RLM is like the good parts of MST3K with a more in depth knowledge of film.
Oh yea, the visuals. Your right about that. Good looker it is.
All french should be offensive, defiant, smoke cigarettes with a constant distaste for life and make good movies. THAT IS WHY WE KEEP THEM ALIVE!
Also to cure safe bets shove this in there. +Babies allover love it.
I think there’s a new South Park movie in the works.
And when I say “in the works,” I of course assume that Trey Parker hasn’t started writing it yet.
Tom the Transformer?
Call me crazy beautiful is one of the first words that comes to mind when thinking about that movie beautiful and hideously ugly. Fincher has always had this amazing way of feeding conflicting ideas into one another, figure hes probably a Buddhist er somethin.
Amish Jay with his tward
You posted this comment twice yourself. Talk about the black calling the kot a pettle.
I’ve heard that Fincher will sometimes do over fifty takes per scene. FIFTY.
RotDotDotBotCotPotA is looking good.
Are you fucking following?!
Has anyone noticed that Jay kinda looks like Spike Jonze?
Just dredge Natalie Portman out of the nearest dumpster and get that M. Nihgt Shyanam… Shynamalan.. on the phone.
Jayden Smith is young-Anakin trying to find out who his real father is but then the monkeys attack wit twards and Optimus uses his two twards to save the black goo.
The black goo turns out to be Jaydens father and now Jayden must save the black goo from old man Waylen before the monkeys realize that the black goo owns the casinos that they own money to.
Natalie Portman team up with senetor Megan Lefox who is Gene Simmons hermaphrodite collage roomate to stop the monkeys who now own all of OCP stock. They negotiate a 3Ddeal with Metropolis to lend them Superman.
But Bane who is also the black goo realizes that Waylen who is also a secret asshole knows the existence and the exact location of the beenstock the magical path to cybertron. He then travels but gets interrupted and he must give up his superpowers and survive on logic.
Megatron must now face Ptmihmus and tranforms into a gun but he gets stuck in gun mode falls to the floor and Optimus transform into a discrete wheelchair hides in the wheelchair store.
He later gets picked up by an old, smelly, fat man with sunglasses and ends up in Milwaukee.
TOM should only be hosting Toonami and requoting Cowboy Bebop
Gash! I dont know if many can take that kind of abuse.
Seeing as how it’s Canadia Day up here in Canadia, I find this song very offensive.
And by offensive I mean I burst out in laughter near the end. For some reason hearing someone say they want to bomb Canadia is funny to me. Thanks for the video.
I agree wholeheartedly AR actually an alright movie rife with problems. I honestly believe the film has a few things going for it beyond a having more than just few casting choices i happen to enjoy on a purely personal level (perlman, ryder, dourif, freeman, hedaya). I am conflicted about the idea of injecting humor into an alien movie but i certainly don’t find it as grating as many apparently do. I enjoy the cinematography, and set character and costume design. So with all that said the film got a few things right in my book, but unfortunately mostly just window-dressing. The movie has some serious plot, pacing and theme problems (or maybe I’m just missing something). With all that said I am a fan of Jean Peirre Jet-knot I love Ameile and City of Lost children and Delicatessen. I think he’s got some real talent. I think I put this one just above Prometheus on the suckability index.
Now I’m completely against the death penalty but when I see a person posting youtube links to YTMND content I start looking for materials with which to construct a guillotine. besides you should have posted this… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLFAXvFYhsE
This may sound extremely creepy, but I’ve been wondering when Jay will shave his beard again. It’s just a thing I notice every video. I’m beginning to think he never will.
Jay looks great with a beard.
If the shit fits, wear it.
If he does shave then lumberjackJay and amishJay ceases to exist.
I don’t even know what that means.
Butt he an sweris yes? I am so confused.
Still haven’t seen all of City Of Lost Children. The only other film of his I’ve seen is Delicatessen. Fucking love Delicatessen.
It’s been 5 days since Transformers 4 has come out. How long does it take to film Mike and Jay sitting in a catatonic state for 25 minutes?
Less frenetic editing…in a Michael Bay movie…
Jay’s beard loves close-ups.
That’s because he is.
Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well!
Y’know what I was joking about Len Kabasinski earlier but after watching his interviews again he’s much more thoughtful than Michael Bay ever was and actually cares about his films. I’d rather watch Len’s best efforts at creating movies than Michael Bay’s marketing orgies pretending to be movies.
They obviously meant “butthe ans wer isyes”. It’s French-Germanic.
It roughly translates to “fuck the pain away”.
Alright so now I get thankless job of championing Michael Bay. The man may make hollow meaningless tripe, he may not know how to direct his actors, he may favor special effects as a replacement for competent story telling or interesting mechanisms to get an idea across (if the man even has “ideas”) the man may have no idea how make an action movie taught and thrilling, and instead favors to make boring stupid trash, but i will say this. At least he knows how to focus his camera on the action taking place in front of the camera.
His pork sword is really more of a dagger, anyway. Not much damage to be done.
You mean he ends up in New Jersey.
That’s Fake Optimus Prime Wheelchair, the one who has do deal with fecal urgency and spastic colons filled with creamed corn.
You aint lying tho, Jays got a beard powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.
If only Jay’s beard could keep gas prices down.
The next time you’re filling up, imagine the price is twice what it says, then think of me as I offer a ritual sacrifice to the bearded one.
I guess that’s the only nice thing to say about him, He can make long uncut shots of action of incredible complexity. Unfortunately, it becomes incomprehensible. I can’t determine if he’s Picasso or Jackson Pollock.
Me-ow. Domo’s been sharpening her claws.
No, thats Sharkmageddon. I’m sure of this.
It’s like poetry…
Yea, the engineers could not get the first one to function properly. Maybe that’s why the black goo escaped with Shinzon who turned out to be a clone of Bane.
haha well he’s able to do a few things more than that obviously. Like attract top CGI guys (and of course tasking them to construct incomprehensible messes). He’s frame his shots fairly well. I think (and I might just have no idea what im talking about but) the charges leveled at him regarding “shaking camera” are unfounded. He seems to be fairly knowledgeable at operating a camera for what I can tell, its just that as a storyteller the man falls flat on his face. I’ll go further to say the hate for the man is fun but far overwrought. As painful as it might be that a meat-head jock is able to entertain millions of idiots, we do need to remember that (blablabla bottom line “film is art but its also a business” defense). As important as it is to you and me that a story-teller invest us in their ideas, or transport us to another world, or challenge us, or make us think some people dont care about that shit.
Sounds like the guy needs to be demoted to concept artist, lead storyboard artist, or something that’s focused solely on the visual aspects of a film. Because he’s in control of every aspect of the film, the writing suffers from spectacle creep(?) Definitely spectacle overload. It’s pretty clear that he has a heavy thumb on the writers (they weren’t good to begin with, but the childish, condescending racism/sexism is clearly coming from Bay). He really is the kind of person that needs someone above him to veto his more outlandish ideas. Without that kind of person to say, “That doesn’t make sense,” we get…well, Transformers..
I’m of a similar mind, the man is given far to much executive power and the competence of the film suffers with him at the reigns.
Watching the Grabowskis to kill time. It is now my favorite sit com.
Come on, it has been like a week, post new content.
You must be new here
No I am not. What makes you say that? Is it that RLM does not post videos less than a week or so apart, that they get all butthurt when people ask for more, or that they are currently working on their project? Tell me more old man.
Lauren: Honey it’s three o’clock and we need to pick up the kids from school.
Mike: We picked them up yesterday.
The best from season 1.
I’m just glad Jack finally shaved his head. It’s weird going back into the annals of RLM (it’s even weirder doing anal with them, trust me, I’m a doctor) and seeing Jack rocking the Friar Tuck look.
It’s actually Cuneiform for “Soon you will appreciate blow.”
Fuck movies. Fuck all this shit. Fuck my life.
It takes them at least six months to make each video.
I read that the opening scene in the Social Network required 100 takes. Imagine that. LOL
Well that’s going right in the spank bank…
Focus? You mean BEFORE the editing wood shredder?
You are correct, there isn’t much shaky-cam in Bay’s work. The thing is, that with all that quick-cut editing it ends up delivering a very similar impression.
I was speaking about his ability to operate a camera, not his inability to tell a coherent story…thought that would have been obvious.
Take another look at the ep where they’re critiquing “night of the wolf” or whatever Jay comments on a paticular scene that the woods behind the actors is sharply in focus leaving the actors themselves looking fuzzy. I think this is one of the few things that MB can stick into his cap “ability to focus the camera on actors”.
Well that’s going directly into the spank bank.
Fair enough. When I think of Bay’s “ability to focus camera on actors” I recall those shots in the Bad Boys climax. Such scenes are much more intense … than the latest iteration of the galactic mechanical worm that twirls around NYC smashing everything while getting smashed by all the good guy robots simultaneously.
Chicago but I certainly agree…well with everything but the “much”.
That’s the spirit.
No, they continue in alternate timelines.
Amish Jay! rofl.
(Hadn’t heard that one before, but that’s the perfect term for his previous look…)
That’s right, Jay!
I got smashed because I thought there’d be a new BOTW or at least something by now, so now I’m probably gonna have to watch it, whatever it is, with a hangover. It’s gonna be great.
You better beeeeelieve it!
It really is.
Hollywood’s reliance on sequels this year has made the process ten times easier. Mike and Jay just film themselves giving a rough discussion of how they imagine the sequel will play out based on the previous film, then fill in the gaps with spoilers they read on wikipedia two days after the actual film comes out.
Quick, get JJ Abrams on the phone so we can reboot!
Actually had to check what that ment. Thanks guest, if that is your real name.
Can’t recall who I stole the term from. I guess he will have me killed.
Jay has many appearences. I think my favorite is stoner/trucker Jay from the Grabowskis.
Drunk already? Yea, a lack of HITB and BOTW will do that. Of course to also be able to watch it requires alcohol.
Magic, Hollywood magic.
Data can be my digital download any day.
I’m not asleep, I’m just resting my eyes.
Is that an OK reference or is it too Mike Myers?
Has anyone else seen the latest image from Batdude v Superguy: Dawn of Jaundice? It’s pretty cool. If you look closely, you’ll see that the suit has a few minor differences from the one in Stan of Meal.
I prefer the Holiday Special and the scenes when Batman is flying The Bat.
No escape from Bay-ality?…
He will give the people an ideal to strive against.
Ma’el and Pa’el sure made a good lookin baby
I think of some of them affectionately as Werewolf Jay also.
But now that his facial-hair has reached perfect-form, where can he go from here?? It’s not easy at the top.
Caught in a slide whistle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSCm8yAxBr8&list=PLINl9l0igYjzIipxsD4Y59_Jjxe4N3pZo Auralnauts also produced this.
Oh, that’s just the new poster for the Batman Superman movie.
Oh, shit, your giving me Naruto flashbacks, you bastard!
exactly! each edited discussion is usually the result of 300+ hours of analysis and debate. Which is why it often appears as though Jay’s beard blooms before your very eyes…
May he never shave.
So, I tried to watch The League of Super Critics review of Transformers 4, and I found myself bored with it. I think it’s what would happen if a BOTW had no editing or quick cuts to various scenes. As a result, I really appreciate RLM’s reviewing style.
Critic says to not listen to critics. http://www.uloop.com/news/view.php/127582/Transformers-4-Review-Ignore-the-Critic
I’ll allow it, but watch yourself, you may be tempted to make a Dr. Evil reference in next week or so and just like that you’ll be over quota…and then where will you be?
Hey! Who are you? Are you like the law?
We’ll see it’s kinda hard, Im on a roll. You know that Adam Sandler is also kinda funny.
If I were an icecream I’d be pralines and dick. That’s who I am.
A buck eighty-nine? What a rip off!
Correction: Batman Bizarro movie…
I thought they put this up as a teaser to the fourth Transformers movie review.
I guess they put this up so everyone would understand why they were not going to review it at all.
Either way it’s gonna suck. DC studios needs to dish out some new characters.
Yeah, but since hes all pasty white… i was just doing like a joke thing..
If they’re selling it for that price, I might actually buy it!
I have no idea what they are talking about, that nerd chick’s cleavage is way too distracting.
That’s the best part, and yeah, I agree.
The first 30 seconds and i’m cringing and feeling awkward as hell.
I have a feeling that i wouldn’t want to be seen around these two, ever, by anyone on this planet.
I feel like just being near them would be a loss of dignity and any standards that i have managed to build throughout my life no matter how low or small, because i feel these 2 are in the negative on the standards scale.
Yeah, somehow, a 20 minute video of people laughing at Transformers is somehow boring and not fun to watch, while an hour long BOTW is hysterical.
You mean 20 minutes of awkward and cringe inducing attempts at “geekXDXDXD” comedy that manage to be more awkward than A Million Ways To Die In The West and really obnoxious laughter that isn’t natural but forced and tryhard.
This is not boring, it’s just obnoxious.
When Rich laughs, it’s natural, you can see it. With these 2, it’s just…
What are you talking about?
All the action is CGI. How can he focus on something that isn’t there while he’s filming?
Jesus, imagine a world where these were your go to movie reviewers?
I think he has far more skill at operating a camera than many are willing to admit. I will say that I think most of his stylistic choices are boring and recycled, and perhaps you could argue that this is a result of repetition and not skill. Either way it seems to me that he is better able to successfully capture and present what is happening in front of the camera then Len Kabasinski.
It isn’t *that* bad, but yeah not so great …
I wasn’t sure where to put this so I’ll just leave this here.
I wasn’t sure where to put this so I’ll just leave it here.
Turns out I can’t embed for shit and the result is Jay’s beautiful face being thrice posted. Oh well. More to love.
The problem with them is they assume that people who watch movie reviews want to strictly see people talking about the movie. (If that were the case we would just read the reviews for pure information.) Doing this style of on-camera reviewing requires a level of charisma these two don’t have. Mike and Jay are about as charismatic as Mr. Plinkett but the style of HitB is such that it constantly keeps your attention while giving you information about the movies.
Also, HYUK HYUK HYUK is never fun to listen to.
Holy SHIT that was funny!
Thank you, magic trash-can.
I went and watched Episode 2 and will watch Episode 3 either soon or after I wake up.
It was late last night but I stayed up and watched all 3 Episodes. Loved them all. Thanks!
Search for m Night deleted commentary…then you can thank me.
This video is more entertaining than the actual movies themselves
I lieked the part where the robot flipped and stuff.
3:44 “Introduction of Bumblee”
it’s feels pretty bad when you relate most to rich
mike’s disapproving glances were painful to behold
how did your heads not explode from sensory overload?? I watched ‘Extinction’ last night and I still have a headache.
Wouldn’t it be great if like a slotmachine once all three screens lined up with josh dumall poison gas spit out and consumed our neck-bearded heros?
I think our answer here lies in the magic of BOOZE
Ha ha ha ha, Rich El’vans, I love it.
ugh, I usually like the Chicks sense of humor, but she is just piss awful in this.
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