Since a new one is coming out, Mike, Jay and Rich Evans sit down and check out the first three films in Michael Bay’s Transformers series. At the same time.
Filed in: Half in the Bag
My obsessive compulsive habit of visiting RLM every time I load a browser has finally paid off.
I was just complaining to Mrs. Gryce that it’s been a long wait–and then the boys had to go and prove me wrong.
You need to complain to her more often.
That’s not what she said.
The site isn’t your home page? Why?
He’s not a true believer.
It’s like poetry, they rhyme….
Hopefully it’ll work.
Oh thank Rich Evans! I was going through withdrawals.
The new one has a gay Puerto Rican robot as comic relief. Bay once again you are on the cutting edge!
What’s the brand of the token screaming minority geek?
Indian (dots not feathers)?
Also, good to know this month’s Patreon check went to those three flatscreens…
Yeah but now they can just cover multiple movies at once and shave off 15-30 minutes of otherwise wasted video per episode that would have been spent talking about them one at a time.
And furthermore, they ascend into the upper echelons of hack-fraudery.
Is it a monthly thing or can it be a one time deal?
It’s a lifetime commitment. Your kids will pay off their student loans before you stop paying RLM through Patreon.
My kids aren’t going to college.
My money is obviously needed elsewhere.
Everyone’s got gambling debts to deal with on this site. I swear.
Goddamn Indian Casinos.
It is monthly, but if you really want to give them something once off, there is a donate button top right of the page.
Now they can point three camera’s at the green screened couches and sit on their asses while directing the shit out of the Space Cop exposition scenes! Just like the pros!
Space Cop talking in shot reverse shot.
And you’re still on the hook for SpaceCop in 2017. Sucker!
At this point we’re gonna have to ask to see some receipts. How does one itemize a “chable?”
How does one itemize an office with only 2 walls?
Doing so will TRANSFORM them from HACK FRAUDS to TAX FRAUDS.
Mike looked a little insane at the end there… though I’d imagine that would be anyone’s natural reaction to watching all three of those at once.
One of the best episodes ever. It’s the same script!
I was having a miserable evening. Then I checked this web site for the 3rd time in as many hours and, to my delight, I saw this. I can put my 16th Century Spanish Hilted Rapier away now and take my index finger off the cutting board.
I was having a miserable couple of days, too. I never realized a dim room with 3 grown men watching a set of films the way their fans sarcastically suggested would merit so much happiness.
Smiling Jesus, when you put it that way, I feel like shit.
Thanks! Now I gotta watch it again.
That’s what I’m here for.
OPTIMUS NOO!! *Shoot*
Save the Cat run amok.
This turned out way funnier than I thought it would be; not sure even I thought that was possible.
Another day, another fantastic piece of work from you guys!
8:43-9 The boys look like spectators at a tennis match of torture.
That’s what gifs were made for.
You’ve found infinity. The looping is pretty much flawless.
that must have been horrible to edit; not only did Mike have to watch the schlock films, he had to watch their schlock viewing to pick out the schlokiest parts of their viewing of schlock. nicely done
Which one is the best of the worst?
Spoiler alert: they all deserve the axe!
I have a theory about why is Megan Fox in nearly all of Michael’s Bay movies. When Bad Boys II was being filmed, Megan Fox was 15 and an extra in that movie. I seriously think that Bay tried to have sex with her and because she was a minor he gives a part in almost all of his movie so she wont sue.
I thought Michael Bay kicked her off the 3rd movie because of some Nazi comment she made.
I stand by my theory after seeing her in TMNT. I mean, would you hire someone that called you a Nazi?
With a face like Megan’s Foxhole, how can you not forgive?
a face of an average pornstar?
Fucking shit burgers! I’m currently too busy to watch this. How am I supposed to have a smug attitude about being one of the first to watch this if I have to wait?
You’re tearing me apart, Lisa RLM!
WTF is more important than this? And if you say “World Cup,” I’m coming up to Canadia to smack you.
Visited some friends for a number of days and sporadic and limited internet access.
Also, what’s a “World Cup”? Is that a planetary sized cup that can fit the entire Earth into it?
Its gonna be great
YouTube?! Your hack fraud levels are increasing.
Watching those three movies, each newer movie with a longer beginning, is like playing Michael Bay’s version of the “Row Row Row your boat” song.
They should have played Dark Side of the Moon to see how many parts synced up. Possibly the only thing that could have made this better.
why does no one watch the 86 animated movie?
it rocked, so much 80s
YOU GOT THE TOUCH
Bah-weep-graaaaagnah wheep nini bong.
Nice experiment, guys.
Who needs suicide hotlines when you have this?
Here’s the formula to the “plot” of the first three Transformers films:
A magic robot macguffin for the Transformers to fight over
Some government conspiracy nonsense
Shia LaBeouf’s sex life is important for some reason
Billions of dollars at the box office
Flyover cow says “mooooo”
You forgot the wacky screaming minority.
Enter Glen Whitmann, Ramon Rodriguez, Jerry Wang.
I’m surprised (shocked, sad, whatever) that you could actually remember these “characters’” full names!
Nah… I just looked them up on imdb, cause I wanted to check if all of their names are also stereotypical or racial puns.
And as it turns out, THAT particular aspect of racial stereotyping in Michael Bay’s Transformers evolved with the movies.
From nothing really obvious with Glen Whitman (unless at some point the character was intended to be a caucasian nerd so the name whit-man was a pun of some kind…), through Ramon Rodriguez (cause calling him Mexy the Mexican was a bit insensitive I guess) to Asianman Jerry von Penisdick.
Megatron’s desert shroud…? Now THAT is shlock.
He used to be a gun in the cartoon give him a brake and of course he’s hiding, cu’s Michael Bay.
Megatron doesn’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. It really grinds his gears.
Reminded me of that stupid trailer for Halo 5 where Master Chef is wearing a Jawa robe for no reason.
A new HITB: Special Edition!?!?!
Is this real life?
Is this going to be forever?
The “noisy bar” description of these films is not accurate. How I’d describe them would be this: imagine somehow eating a load of nails, bolts, glass and wood, then taking a ride on a rollercoaster, getting off feeling sick. You then regurgitate it all in a big mess. Then you take a massive shit on top of it all, then scoop that baby up, chug it down again before blasting it out your asshole 2 hours later having felt sick to your eyeballs for doing it. Then you get ready for seconds. Happy days.
“Megan La Fox”: finally one of Rich Evans’s malapropisms has come true:
Now I feel guilty for eating that last croissant.
She looks like she hasn’t eaten in weeks.
“Is this real life?”
No Jay, with a Micheal Bay movie it never is…even if it’s about historical events like Pearl Harbor.
So sad that these movies are not only the same fucking plot but the same shit happens at the same time so well that three hack frauds can watch them simultaneously with split attention while drunk and not miss a fucking thing. Fuck these generic CGI shit turds and the Bay that spawned them.
The best we can do is to NOT WATCH his shit. No really, just don’t watch them. They’re all the same anyways.
That was awesome, guys. Watching one of those movies is bad enough. Sitting through all three is a triathalon.
Triathalon… that was the one that turned into a robot, a car and a fish, right?
W..w..wait. We are now saving time by wasting time or wasting time by saving time?
Michael Bay is problably theis biggest Patreon…… sellouts!
The world is ending…..
This had meThrowing up in early 90′s Nissan cars.
I’m pretty sure this is how Michael Bay watches Michael Bay films – all at the same time.
How else is he gonna get off?
Sans pants, I’m sure.
I don’t like sans pants. They’re coarse and irritating and they get everywhere.
I was genuinely waiting for Mike to throw up.
Three Transformers, One Cup?
Trans farter dot com
I’d rather watch that then a Michael Bay movie… hell, I’d even buy the blueray
Because of your grammatical error, you’ve subconsciously admitted you want to watch Mike throw up and watch a Michael Bay movie afterward.
You’re a truly sick man.
Here’s a bucket. I found it in Rich’s Office underneath the box fan.
Poor Rich, watching him die on the inside was painful but he got his smile back in the end.
Oh you know what would be awesome if you could do the Matrix trilogy.
And the original Star Wars trilogy.
And the prequels trilogy.
And The Dark Knight trilogy.
And the Iron Man trilogy.
In fact just watch trilogies simultaneously from now on.
The Alien quadrilogy.
And the Lethal Weapon quadrilogy.
And the Rambo quadrilogy.
Just like this.
And don’t ever do anything different.
Why stop there, watch three trilogies at once for maximum profit!
Okay, now you’re just being silly.
It’s gonna happen, but we have to wait two more months before they can afford another six flat-screen televisions.
And don’t forget to watch the TMNT trilogy to complete the Michael Bay summer shlock-experience.
You mean the originals featuring the voice talents of Corey Feldman (in at least one of them) and starring guy-who-kinda-looks-like-Robert-DeNiro as Casey Jones (in at least one of them)? That would be bodacious.
Maybe, but at least it’ll be for their art.
How about all 20-odd Bond movies?
Or all 60 Hitchcock films?
Or all 142 “Movie”-movies?
Cracking idea. Including the original Casino Royale and Never Say Never Again.
You guys need to be rewarded a medal of honor to be able to sit through not only one but all three of those pieces of shit AT THE SAME TIME.
Gotta say that shit was funny but you guys heads must have been aching like a bitch afterwards.
watching just one of these movies gives me sensory overload, I would not be able to manage all three at the same time
I just died a little.. Then Rich’s sad laughter revived me.
I think one of the worst lines in “Dark Side of the Moon”. Was the “Needs of the Many outweigh the Needs of the Few”. In the context of the movie it makes no sense. Its like Bay went to Leonard Nimoy and ask something like this.
Bay: Please, It would be so awesome if you would say it in the Movie. Oh and can we put in that Vulcan Nerve Pinch.
Nimoy : Ill do the line. But no Nerve Pinch on Robots. I have some dignity
Pretty much what I say about Leonard Nimoy is “Griffith Observatories don’t pay for themselves.”
Until a flashing hemorrhoid pillow sells them to me, I will refuse to buy these films on laserdisc – even if I can advance or rewind frame-by-frame.
What an exercise in masochism. I fear that they may not be the same men as when they walked into that godforsaken experience.
9:49 is mental masturbation.
Hmmm, changing a diaper v. watching the Transformers movies… Obviously one is completely covered in shit, and the other’s a diaper.
This is the only site that got me unaddicted to porn.
Yeah I know he’s that hot.
It’d be sweet if you guys reviewed Transformers 4 and Transformers: The Movie.
I liked it but Rich, next time can you not cause the 3 second delay. It threw all of the timing completely off
Guys. I have it. The worst possible trilogy for them to watch all at the same time –
Finally, a plan for my weekend!
Remember, the idea is to watch three MOVIES at the same time. Those aren’t shitty movies, they’re just plain shit.
Ah yes, the Poop In The Pants trilogy.
But aren’t there like at least 10 of those when you count shit like Scary Movie and Meet the Spartans and Vampires Suck and so on?
Courtesy of webcomic artist Nedroid.
I think they’re making out.
He’s sticking his decepticock into his autobut.
You guys took three sliver bullets for me–I’ll never forget that.
I imagine watching three Transformer movies at once would be a lot like watching Deadly Prey and Deadliest Prey.
Mike has that Don Draperian look of disgust on his face throughout.
Oh I definitely saw that @ 8:30.
The three spiderman ones and the new …. maybe thats pushing too far but might be cool.
They might be villain-of-the-week movies and share a lot of the same sub-plots, but I seriously doubt they have a formula as rigid as the Transformers movies.
Ahahahahahahahaha… Alright, this is a pretty great idea for a viewing session. I forgive you guys for the excruciating wait-times.
And here I thought I would never get any sort of entertainment from these movies. Well played, RLM, Well played!
Yes, and to see how #1 and #2 had exactly the same scene structure down to the second with Rich staring in amazement was worth it.
It’s as if Michael Bay is a one-trick pony with no range…
You imply he has one trick worth seeing though. He does not.
“The first one still thinks it’s a real movie.”
Why is this not “Rich Evans Watches” with guest stars Mike and Jay?
All three Transformers movies are available for purchase from… I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m so sorry.
They never said whether they would recommend watching all three movies at once. Also why isn’t this Best of the Worst?
Why isn’t this Best of the Worst?
Because they didn’t want to have to destroy all 3 DVDs.
Actually I would have liked to see Fuck-Bot destroy the Transformers DVDs.
Because Best of the Worst implies there’s a movie that was the least painful to watch. They’re all equally painful.
No post-witty banter?
Why no post movie discussion?
Mike said he wanted to puke.
Rich was stunned.
And Jay just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Watching our boys hit the Josh Duhamel Jackpot has inspired me to pop a second slug in the ol’ roulette pistol. Wish me luck, you cuntholes .
make sure you get a solid grip and put the gun in your mouth before pulling the trigger. thanks for playing!
It’s summertime and we’ve got RLM content stacked up like jets trying to land at O’Hare, so what’s with all the death talk? Who are you, Lana Del Rey?
I don’t know who “Lana Del Rey” is, but she sounds like a broad I’d wanna hate-fuck in the kitchen of a greasy-hot Chinese restaurant, and then be shot in the heart by on a waterfront pier as my last chance at freedom sailed off into the inky blackness of the Great South Bay.
So, thanks for that.
You wanna band Lana Del Rey just give her this look:
If she wants to die I’ll volunteer to stab her…
With my pork sword.
That wouldn’t be kosher.
His pork sword is really more of a dagger, anyway. Not much damage to be done.
Me-ow. Domo’s been sharpening her claws.
That’s a reference to the Las Vegas TV show, right? Everybody loved that show, right?
The Montecito? Anyone? Anyone at all? …
I believe you, Memoman.
Why didn’t they mention Tyrese’s pivotal role in all movies? He is the plot anchor for the whole trilogy!
Tyrese has to work harder than anyone to find his dialogue amongst the wreckage of a script.
He took a few notes from Vin Diesel and yells “I live for this shit” whenever he can.
Who is Tyrese?
So Optimus shot the racist, war-mongering, old guard antagonist in it’s head. He should have shown some true heroism, some mercy, he should have just snapped his neck.
followed by him giving a speech that has the same kind of writting quality as a script to a porno and an abrupt cut to title-Directed By Micheal Bay accompanied by god awful Linkin Park song that’s about as tonally mismatched here as it gets.I had the same reaction as Rich Evans to this ending when I viewed this film years back.It’s mind bogglingly bad.
From climax to credits is roughly 52 seconds, all in Michael Bay slow-mo, too.
He should have taken him to robojail so he could be cydomized in the bott.
Hahaha! And this week, there´s a lot of people, between naives and idiots, crazies about the robot dinossaurs! ´´Now, this Transformers gonna rocks!´´ Yeah…Always….
Be careful with brilliant ideas: The cinemas might start employing this for screenings of nearly identical summer movies.
My local theater has been running the 3-for-1 “Fork in the Brain” special for years now. And since lobotomies aren’t legal anymore the local psych ward takes difficult patients there for a summer and it has the same effect.
That would save a TON of time. Get all of your required viewing done in one sitting. Bring a book.
Was this stylistically designed to be that way? Or is that how Rich Evans says it?
“Bumblee”–isn’t he the sidekick on Pawn Stars?
I thought you only watch quality TV, Percy.
Whachyou talkin’ about, Willis? I mean, I walk with kings but keep the common touch. I do have to keep up with pop culture to some degree in case I’m ever accidentally a contestant on Jeopardy!
Your subject Percy is Medical conditions for $2000.
Common symptoms that may occur after the event.
Slow to respond or not able to respond right away
Difficulty talking or writing
Feeling fuzzy, lightheaded or dizzy
Feeling depressed, sad, upset
Frustrated, embarrassed, ashamed
“What is RLM-withdrawal syndrome?”
I’m sorry Percy the correct answer is,
what is Acute MB radiation syndrome or AMBRS.
The health effects which present within 24 hours of exposure to high amounts of non-ionizing Michael Bay radiation.
That explains the “kidney stones,” then. They’re actually Michael Bay stones.
I need to drink a gallon of water–STAT!
It’s so dense, every shot has so many things….ah forget it.
They should have done this with the Ghostbuster movies. It would have
basically been the same film. But ya these Transformer movies are
terrible, and it doesn’t surprise me that they’re all near identical
too. Michael Bay is like a guy that mass produces tasty corn for fat
hungry cows. They gobble that up and tomorrow they’ll want another load,
exactly the same as the last load. It’s not just with Transformer movies but theater action movies in general now. A week later you’ll get another one and the last one will be forgotten. This is what theaters have become
now, a herding ground for fat cows that just want to see things explode on a regular basis, quantity over quality all the way.
And in 33333333ddddddddddddddddd.
The first two are exactly the same and are written by noted Hack Fraud Screenwriters Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci. For extra fun, try watching the other movies they’ve written side by side!
The thing I took away from this exercise in avant-garde film review is that three Transformers movies watched simultaneously make more sense and have a greater semblance of plotting, structure, and evenness of tone than one Transformers film watched in isolation.
It follows that Michael Bay is a messianic genius, capable of perceiving the world in dimensions that are inaccessible to our species, and yet determined to elevate humanity to his rarefied level of consciousness.
When the Transformers series is complete the films can be watched, as was always intended, superimposed over each other. The images and dialogue that, when viewed separately, seem confusing and banal will merge together and fluently impart a message of transcendence.
At the conclusion Optimus Prime will appear and address the audience directly: “While it is our race who are known as Transformers, it is you, the people of earth, who have truly been transformed.”
And a new golden age of humanity will begin, at which point I will be online linking people to this post, because I called it first.
and we’ll all get raptured up so we don’t have to deal with those pesky bar codes.
“You think in such three-dimensional terms.” – Michael Bay
“I try to take people on an emotional ride and, um.” – Michael Bay
Yeah, but you’re backwards.
More like at the conclusion Optimus Prime will appear and shoot the audience while they cry out “OPTIMUS NO!”
I’ve a feeling the characters will still be one dimensional, though.
Is that you…Arthur C. Clark?
The Transformer movies are not like noisy bars. I like noisy bars.. Or, well, bars in general.. Hmm, now I think about it; I just like alcohol I guess..
plus Transformers give you a much worse hangover.
Great video – and thanks for enduring three times the minimum amount of madness just one of these movies manifest themselves as inside your mind.
I like how watching the first 3 Trnasformer movies is like watching a giant, noisy slot machine that you repeatedly win.
Except with these movies, you always lose…precious time you’ll never get back.
Missed opportunity by not using the picture of Fergie wherein she has just pissed herself
no one needs to see that shit more than once
I wish they did Edge of Tomorrow review.
Best film I’ve seen this year
I love how Mike seems to be the only one taking it seriously. Jay and Rich are obviously just there to laugh at how bad the movies are but Mike seems to be actually trying to keep invested.
Mike is an avatar of Slavic intensity.
And a product of the steel gray skies of Millie-wall-kay Wiz-caaan-sin.
The Transformer’s series makes me want to put a fork in my brain, fork in my brain, fork in my brain, fork in my brain…STOP THINKING BRAIN!
The entire Transformers Series? Guys, you are a bunch of sick-ass masochists!
3 people sitting… 3 people talking in shot/reverse shot…. 3 people sitting and talking in a room.
It’s stylistically designed to be that way.
at least they are not sitting in front of a green screen like last time …………………….hack-frauds
Oh my god, I am going to need more beer than should be stomached to deal with this one.
That’s gonna be great.
I’m sorry, but I still don’t see how this ties into the Mego Universe…
Suicide is painless…
Forget about Shia, talk about Jay LaBuff! Have you been working on those guns, honey?
Jay finally realized people were looking at him online so he decided to do something. Mike and Rich decided on donuts.
Hahah! Brilliant RLM gang…I’m sharing this with as many “Bayformer Loving” folks across the interwebs as I can.
First stop, the Rotten Tomatoes Transformers: Age Of Chinese Film Production Panderi err…I mean Transformers: Age Of Extinction movie forum.
These movies are GREAT !
No, I’m just kidding… The word is GARBAGE !
Did something happen to your Blip account?
I was expecting Optimus to say “Sayonara Bitch” at that point (11:42).
In M.Bay’s mind:
The 1st movie. It was quicker to finish.
The Josh Duhamel jackpot!
8:42 They’re all moving their heads at the same time.
Was that a bit or was it real life?
Hard to say for sure. It may have been real until they picked up on what they were doing.
Now I’m going to watch 3 Half in the Bags at the same time and see if they sync up
Would 3 Half in the Bags equal 1 and a half Half in the Bags? I’m so confused.
150% in the Bag
If you want to be even more confused, look up the Dichotomy paradox. One can never truly arrive at the Bag.
Does arriving at the Bag mean we find out if Schrodinger’s cat is dead? Can Rich Evans keep it when we get there?
Fuck Schrodinger’s cat!
But if 3 Half in the Bags half assed it, it’d still be three quarters in the bag!
Oooh. Man of Steel, The Amazing Spiderman, and Star Trek: Into Darkness!
All 3 contain Rich Evans as guest host, only one movie, all viewed poorly!
It’ll be great!
I’m down if you’re down, Domo… I’mma do that later tonight and report back about my findings… I really hope at least 2 “OHH MY GAAWWDD”s sync up
And a couple of “That’s right, Jays” too.
“It’s gonna be great.”
“That’s gonna be great.”
Ok, so I did it, and here’s what I discovered:
-drinking beer at the same time was the most common thing
-Mike monopolizing the conversation was also extremely common, there were at least 7 or 8 times that all three Mikes were ranting at the same time
-drinking beer at the same time happened pretty frequently
-around 9:40ish two Richs say “it isn’t actually” at the same time
-all three videos featured the guys wearing plaid, and all three framed the persons wearing plaid to the right of the screen
-13:20 two Richs have the same relaxed arms-back pose on the chable
-there were a couple times when two Jays were giggling at the same time, possible once or twice all three
-One moment in particular that made me laugh was when these three things happened at the same time “Khan, you’re a super man build our ship,” “he’s so much better than us and we just have to try to live up to this weird alien”, [picture of the joel schumacher batman costumes].
-both man of steel and into darkness mention 9/11
Overall it was a pretty harrowing experience. I found myself doing the very same tennis-match head movements. I’m gonna go lie down now…
You, sir, deserve a medal:
Attention to arms: Citation reads as follows: For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity, at the risk of his life, and above and beyond the call of merely commenting and giffing, Private Faddlechud took on a HITB triple threat and disarmed said threat and reported back to HQ, providing the Plinkettes with invaluable intelligence that could be obtained in no other way without inordinate sacrifice of life and brain cells.
So by the power vested in me as #2 commenter on this webzone, I hereby present to you the Redlettermedian Medal of Horror. Congratulations.
A triptych of hackfraudery.
I’m genuinely impressed that you went through this and reported back to us!
Confirmed for Bay
It’s stylistically designed to be that way. Sadly, no way to diminish the effects of it.
You can diminish the effects of it by muting your television. Might actually improve the movies too.
I tried to watch Transformers 3 once, I ended up cleaning my room midway through.
because you felt dirty?
Leave it to RLM to experiment with new ways to hurt themselves with movies.
Red Letter Masochists.
Dudebros, this is just like when I played Dark Side of the Moon with Wizard of Oz and it TOTALLY MATCHES UP!!!
P.S. You’re brilliant
It’s like poetry.
“Hopefully, it’ll work.”
Fuck you, Rick Berman
The Transformers movies are so dense. Every single image has so many things going on.
At first I thought you were going for the other meaning of dense.
You know, “stupid.”
I love Jay’s Scream Factory shirt.
There are a lot of T-shirt connoisseurs on this site. Usually, they comment on Jack’s or Wizard’s T-shirt, but no one is immune from their scrutinizing eyes.
I want to watch this, but I also want to save it for the weekend because my life is empty and meaningless and it will give me something to look forward to.
What should i do, why must life be so hard!
There had better be a BOTW for this weekend.
I sure hope so because I just gave in to temptation and now i have nothing.
Remember, they’ve got two BOTWs in the can. They’ve got to release the Kraken soon.
Bad Boys is like an origin tale of bad. Michael Bay gets worse in different ways.
Bad Boys is an origin tale of bad. Michael Bay gets worse in different ways.
Are you saying that Michael Bay is the Len Kabasinski of the filmmaking community?
Somebody posted your stuff on Break.com http://www.break.com/video/first-three-transformers-at-the-same-time-2629766
The evil octopus awaits your bidding.
Not only does Break taking this from RLM piss me off, but those stupid fucking comments also piss me off.
As George Will said recently, “If you think Michael Bay raped your childhood, then maybe your childhood was asking for it, dressing all whore-like and such. Baseball, Republicans, bow ties and Jesus.”
To be fair, that’s not an exact quote.
“After I rape your childhood I’m going to rape George Will. Megan Fox, CGI, robots, and ‘splosions.” — Michael Bay
You have inspired me to do something I wanted to do for a long time (not really) but didn’t want to spend 8 hours doing.
I hope my head doesn’t explode.
Where’s Die Hard 1 and 5?
In the bottom right, there’s like 30 seconds of noise accompanying black screen in that movie when all other movies have their introductions. As for the first one – I’ve seen it already.
Wait, you haven’t seen the other 4?
2 and with a Vengeance are actually pretty decent. Try giving those a shot. But fuck 4 and 5, they’re really bad.
4 and 5 need to be watched simultaneously with 1 2 and 3 cause why not ! to be honest i had 5 for over a year and have not watched it yet sadly.
Actually Vengeance is pretty good.
Die Hard 2 and 3 are awesome sequels. 4 and 5 are the crap ones.
I wonder if Moon River would be a fitting soundtrack for this Half in the Bag.
Because the Transformers movies are fine films in the classic tradition of other Paramount films like Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
Or because of this:
Although the Transformers movies have to be regarded as precious jewels of movie history, my train of thought went like this: dark ambiance of the room and soft lighting creating some sort of mildly erotic atmosphere => Moon River as counterpoint to the fast cuts and the missing soul of the movies. Something like this.
That motorcycle is so sexy, who’s that ugly ass thing on top of it
In this episode there was no pretending that Mike and Jay work for a VCR repair company. There was no VCR-repair ephemera strewn around. There were no undercover-hooker or hipster-VCR-party subplots. And most of all there was no fake Plinkett.
This was very different from your usual HITB.
I don’t like things that are different.
Then stop complaining and go to Applebees.
Ha, ha, I went there for lunch before you told me to.
They actually have nice steak…go ahead kill me.
Their hamburgers suck dick?? Can I get them delivered?
In this one Mr.Plinkett looked a lot like Rich Evans. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Special Editions aren’t canon bro. What is this Percy, your first time on this site ya hack???
Haha! I love how we’re now using the word “canon” to refer to the Half In The Bag B-storyline. This thing officially has a cult following now.
The Halloween episode of BOTW where Rich “cuts his finger off” is followed by an episode where his hand is bandaged up. If that’s not canonic I don’t know what is.
BOTW and HITB are in different canons though; Mike and Jay don’t know who Rich Evans is in HITB universe, this Rich Evans is either comic book store man from Amazing Spiderman reviews or non-canon real Rich Evans as Fuck Me I’m Janurary said.
Or maybe BOTW takes place after HITB’s story finishes where comic book store man and Mike and Jay become close friends. We’ll have to wait and see.
Rich Evans also plays such roles as Officer We Don’t Know and Construction Man. He’s also been seen in HITB as Satan himself! Maybe HITB is really an exploration of Rich Evans’ Multiple Personality Disorder and Mike and Jay soullessly exploit his medical condition for movie reviews. Maybe future Rich Evans went back in time and was inside the Showbiz Pizza Bear costume at his 4th birthday party, fulfilling the Trick-or-Treat Showbiz Pizza Bear prophecy. I guess we’ll never know.
Rich Evans is the Tatiana Maslany of RLM.
I think someone brought up the idea of something about there being some kind of Rich Evans Clone Wars that will be addressed in the HITB prequels, I like that idea.
BotW is something completely different. It’s real life Mike & Jay talking about shitty B-movies and the finger chopping thing was a joke that only lasted thru the next episode.
With the exception of Special Editions (aka ones they embed straight from youtube and don’t even bother using the Blip player), HitB has it’s only storyline with fictionalized versions of Mike & Jay and it’s own lore.
Fuck You, You’re January. We should take the question up with a true expert. At next year’s Plinkett-Con, you and I can stand in line for an hour and when we finally get up to Rich Evans’s table, you can ask him if HITB: SEs (all one of them) are “canonical” or not.
Was this an experimental attempt at suicide-by-movie?
I’ve often said that RLM has filled the void in my black heart left by the absence of MST3K… it was only a matter of time before they got into mad science experiments involving the effects of awful cinema on the mind.
Seeing the backs of their heads as they watched the movies sort elicited some memories of MST3K.
In the not-too-distant future/ In an abandoned parking space/
Mike Stoklasa and his rotund pals/ Wonder what’s wrong with your face/
The sit and watch the movies of Michael Bay/ Megan Fox has no sway on those confirmed for gay/
Hookers scream for help in Plinkett’s basement/ While Mike and Jay fix his VCR and scam him out of every cent/
(Night… court… taaaapes.)
We’ll send them sleazy movies/ The Best of the Worst we can find/
They start to run together/ They’re like poetry, they rhyme/
Now keep in mind, Mike can’t control/ When the torture begins or ends/
Because he’s too busy using leftover bones/ To make his puppet girlfriends/
And, Gillian, I guess…
If you’re wondering about all the plot-holes/ Well, Mike and Jay are hacks/
Plinkett’s pizza rolls will fill all your holes/ You’ll get them in your fax/
It’s Milwaukee Shitfest Marathoooon… 2012!
[Clap, clap, clap.]
(And I mean the golf kind, not the STD kind.)
What is this parodying?
I know you’re just funning us, but I’ll play along:
Ah, yes. I was, uh, just pulling’ all of your legs…
Obviously. Of COURSE I know about this… *Nervous laughter.* My friends have never scolded me before for not knowing what Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was. *Clears throat.* Nor for not knowing the theme song. *Oh god I think they know I’m bluffing…*
What, you don’t know about ALL of the shows about American Midwest guys ripping into terrible movies?
When’s the Plinkett review for Michael’s Bay’s turd of a movie, Bay-by’s Day Out?
Megan Fox is so fucking ugly.
Unlike our god Rich Evans, who’s the sexiest man alive
yo, Jay, i’m looking at you with that Scream Factory shirt… I’m digging it!
Only thing missing is Transformers:The Movie. Judd Nelson, the Micro Machines guy and Orson Welles, all in the same film.
“You’ve got the TOUCH!”
Ooh yeah, I liked the soundtrack a lot and I enjoy Unicron’s voice and lines. Best scene imho is the one where Megatron bargains with Unicron and is remodeled into Galvatron. But I still like the first two seasons of the original cartoon the most.
Never got into Transformers Second Gen stuff myself. Got too weird..will always have found memories of the older eps, however.
Why do the robots in the Bay movies look more like junk than the Junkions in the ’86 movie?
“My brain is collapsing into itself!”
Harry S. Plinkett.
Those shots of Megan Fox on motorcycles are anything BUT degrading, Mike.
In fact, they show just how sexy and empowered motorcycles look when they’re underneath lubricated meat-sacks.
I wish I was a motorcycle right now
Like eating rat poison.
Agreed, but it’s a good idea because we didn’t have to do it.
After watching this I know only one thing for sure; I did not see the third transformers movie.
This is an old notion but I’ll post it anyway. The animation guys making the Citroen commercial, got it so much better than MBay. I only watched Transformers 1, I though I was watching the smoke monster from Lost(JJAbrams).
supposedly after seeing this ad they decided it was finally possible to make a transformer movie
Once I heard that the guy who did this commercial was the one who was supposed to make some HALO movie like 8 years ago.
It’s always great to see people complain in the YouTube comments about the laugh of our jovial Dick “The Birthday Boy” Evans.
The poor, uninitiated masses.
When I was still an unblooded RLM visitor I too found Evans’s laugh like an ice-pick drilling into my eardrum. I have learned to love the feeling.
Resistance is futile.
“Prepare to be assmalated.”
-Borg Rich Evans.
But we are initiated, aren’t we, Bruce?
Not the beads! NOT THE BEADS! AHHHHH!
That’s mint. These Richisms are, well, rich!
I think they need some counseling…
That was great! And strangely spooky with how certain things timed out. Maybe if you watch all 4 together like this then Michael Bay speaks to you directly through the TVs like Max Headrooms and teaches you the secret to his demonic powers
Fantastic guys! just awesome stuff. Where do I send my resume to be your friends?
If you sync up all three Plinkett reviews of the Star Wars Prequels and watch them at once, you can actually hear the sound of your father telling you that you’re wasting your life.
And then the laugh track from The Grabowskis plays– they’re laughing at YOU!
The laughter stays with you, long after the reviews are over.
The laughter will never go away.
What you’re really hearing is your father saying; “Get some rest son. You’ve been up for four days.”
I heard my father saying to go hang myself at the next gas station. I guess everyone gets a different subliminal message.
You guys deserve a government grant for that.
I like how Mike can pick up a camera shadow while watching three movies at the same time.
Dem’s some sharp senses.
Did you just pull a spyglass out of your dick?
Mike saw that, too.
No. My dick is a spyglass.
Sensory Overload: The Trilogy.
Four TRANSFORMERS movies and Gary Oldman getting to say “Nancy Pelosi is a fucking useless cunt” while pretending someone’s standing on his dick not allowing him to say “Nancy Pelosi’s a useless cunt.”
It’s such a fun ride!
I wanna be like Alabama Man
Hopefully it’ll work
My first reaction was “there’s less poop and vomit this time around”, then, taking a closer look, there’s actually three times as much poop as ever before onscreen(s).
He has a ridiculous amount of swagger for walking up to a huge pile of dinosaur dung.
I’ve always had a serious problem with that scene…The pile of poopoo appears to be stacked to over 6feet…however the Triceratops’ asshole cannot be further off the ground than 2.5 3 feet tops! So are we to believe the dinosaur is doing dino handstands in its sickened state?
The herd poops into one giant pile and its one of their jobs to mould it.
What do you suppose that guy writes on his resume?
Great Organizational Skills.
Can Handle Tough Jobs Other Don’t Want To Do.
He has a distinct David Copperfield vibe going on.
These movies have the worse camera work and editing I’ve ever seen out of an action movie, they look like too cars fucking each others brains out. To make it worse the designs make impossible to tell which robot is which. It’s so confusing it makes me scream like this little bitch.
End of Evangelion made more sense than any of these movies.
But End of Evangelion made no sense to begin with. My mind is full of fuck
These pieces of shit have been getting longer each time? What is even the point?
$people watch them$
But it doesn’t matter how long they are, the ticket price is the same either way.
Because longer means better and more epicer. It’s the same reason Tarantino makes movies that should be 90 minutes into 3 hour bum-numbers.
Im sorry, but that is possibly the most brain-scrapeingly irritating laugh ive ever heard in my life.
However, yes; the scene of the ‘noble and heroic autobot’ Optimus Prime mercilessly decapitating his crippled rival and shooting a begging old man in the back of the head while he’s down before delivering an ‘inspiring’ message of hope was one of the best ‘unintentionally hilarious’ scenes of the past decade.
While at the same time being pretty fucking depressing…
It’s his laugh. He doesn’t try to do it, he just does.
We’ve been over this.
Maybe it was a social comment on how pretty much all big nations act? Nah.
First off, fuck you Rich Evan’s laugh cured my aids. Second, yeah that didn’t make sense. Since when does a noble warrior and leader kills someone he just pleaded to spare his own life makes no sense as well as you put it hilarious and depressing.
Did you just insult the Rich Evans?
“Rich Evans, forgive him; for he knows not what he does.”
You are an evil man.
“that is possibly the most brain-scrapeingly irritating laugh ive ever heard in my life.”
Them’s fightin’ werds!
At 5:29 Mike says, “Oh, that’s embarrassing. Oh that’s so embarrassing,” in response to Michael Bay having a poster from one of his other ‘films’ [Bad Boys II] in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
In the first Transformers film, some fat, loud, obnoxious kid is running around with a camera screaming [what most of his characters do] as the Autobots crash into Earth and he brings up Armageddon, another Bay ‘film’. “This is easily 100 times cooler than Armageddon! I swear to god!” Just listen to his voice and cringe…
The fat guy saying that line looks the type of sweaty fat internet nerd that would say Armageddon sucks ass while he hugs his framed photo of Rei from NGE. I can’t tell if he smells because it’s a video
I sincerely hope you’re referencing Mike from Best of the Worst: Wheels of the Worst #5 when he says, “And we can’t tell if he smells cause it’s a video.”
The Geekdom of this post is at critical mass….
Let’s see if I can put it over the top.
The fat guy in the first Transformers movie also looks like the type that jacks it to a statue of Asuka cause it was in that one movie. I can’t tell if he smells like BO and vinegar cause it’s a video.
Heheh…the ol’ Mikey Bay prior movie plug.
Has he ever made reference to The Rock in any of his other moopies? Or would he rather people not remember that he actually made one genuinely half decent action film?
I didn’t know you could do the Truffle Shuffle while running.
What Transformers films need to be better is to have a photo of Ronald Reagan awkwardly taped to a wall.
So Michael Bay and his slave writers ran out of ideas and got rid of the ideas of the main enemy being the clearly evil robots. So what did they replace them with?
And their man made Transformers, which makes no sense because they want to destroy them all.
Also MAN builds Transformers to kill other Transformers. Which makes as much sense as any thing in the previous films, which nothing made sense.
Why would these men do this to themselves? This is “the thing that should not be” that H.P. Lovecraft/Metallica were talking about, isn’t it? I’ll be interested to see the next RLM video, whatever it is, to see if all of them came through without some sort of brain damage.
Not so subtle there, Shia LaBewbs.
Also more proof that you need to be brain dead to want to be a female lead an object of sexual desire in these films.
Joke’s on you because she had an extensive education. An excerpt from wikipedia:
“While a 15 years old student, she undertook work experience at West End, London-based model agency Profile, before taking her GCSEs. Signed after graduating in summer 2003 aged 16, her first modelling session was for a Levi’s jeans commercial. She got her first big break in January 2004 when she travelled to New York for a shoot with Teen Vogue. She later made her catwalk debut alongside Naomi Campbell in New York in Spring 2004, and was then photographed by Bruce Weber for Abercrombie & Fitch..”
Okey, she probably likes to inject heroin into her eyes.
thats probably the least extensive education you can have
Hence his comment is funny.
That was the likely interpretation but I thought it possible non-Brits would consider GCSE’s to be something advanced so had to throw myself in the line of fire to be certain no one earth considered her educated.
She smart in terms of getting a lot of money / fame / modeling sure, but personally I think any woman that sells themselves using sex is selling themselves short, which isn’t always so smart. After all, both the modeling and movie industry will probably throw her away by the time she’s 30. :/
Is she reading a cue card?
“What a lovely box!” The only little joke from 2 or 3 or whatever that made me chuckle a bit, and realize what a dirty old man Michael Bay is.
Oh Rich Evans, never change. It’s funny because the scene took place in a liberry and they hid under a chable. I can’t believe people liked these moopies.
those films may be awful, but their a cheasure trest of nonmedy.
I think you mean th’ere, not tha’re.
I think I was focusing so hard on how to properly spell the garbled version of treasure chest that I diverted too much brain and wasn’t focusing on spelling normal words correctly. Evans forgive me.
Remove the fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
Fork in the brain.
Can a LaFox mate with a werdwolf?
The birds and the beads
Wow. I’m surprised how all these movies lined up… how they all rhymed. It’s like they were stylistically designed to be that way.
As someone who edits I’m very curious how long it took this person to render all that.
“I don’t wanna close my eyes, I don’t wanna fall asleep…”
Actually, yeah, I would prefer both of those things over these films.
Rich Evans laugh makes my dick tickle.
Hahahahah those AC Carriers weren’t in Pearl Harbor.
I use the same triple TVs setup to watch my porn.
It works the best.
So three screens of Rich Evans?
No, that’s what my projector and the wall behind the TVs are for.
This Plinkett shot glass hasn’t made anything better..! Where do I go to complain?
You could just drop your shitty shot glass off at your local landfill.
The city will probably reject it, though.
I never saw 2 & 3 so that bit with Optimus going all Death Wish made me howl with laughter.
If they watched the third one by itself, they’d know the one Optimus kills was actually a bad guy.
They did watch the third one by itself when it was released, and they do discuss in that review if the bad guy redeems himself or not, he doesn’t, before Optimus executes him. They probably don’t remember, because it’s a Michael Bay movie, you are not supposed to remember this many years later, because your brain can’t register what’s happening on the screen.
Optimus is Spock, not Charles Bronson. Straight-laced heroes don’t usually execute injured bad guys in cold blood.
Another waste of hitb time…
There’s a finite amount?
Okay, now do this with all the Jimmy Bond movies.
Anyone else think they should turn their attention to some of the better tv shows that have come along in the last few years, True Detective, Fargo, Boardwalk Empire and so on.
Would love to hear these hacks critique some real quality for a change..
Ah yes, the internet..
Maybe they could review comic books as well, surely that would please you surely.
No, it wouldn’t. And don’t call me Shirley.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit posting on RLM.
It’s funnier when they review trash.
Considering that some bloggers give up reviewing TV shows because of the struggle to provide weekly content, I don’t see how RLM could do this with their schedule as loaded as it is.
Even if they reviewed on a season-by-season basis, it’s 10 hours of footage that they have to cram into a review that’s less than an hour long. If, for whatever reason, they only review one season and don’t recommend the show, people will probably bitch that the second season will be better because of x or y, and we’re stuck with “When’s the next review of said show, you hack frauds!” syndrome.
If RLM chose to do it, that’s cool, but I can completely understand why they wouldn’t.
Poison for the brain
One thing they’ve learned is that these movies grow progressively longer as the series goes on. The first one was rolling credits while the second was winding down, while the third was still blowing shit up.
Every frame is so dense..
Run-time –> 144 minutes
Transformers: Revenge of the Sith
Run-time –> 150 minutes
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Run-time –> 154 minutes
Transformers: Age of Aquarius
Run-time –> 165 minutes
Which review are these gifs from?
The holiday sale.
whos got the gif of jay firing a pistol and wincing?
so i found it but then i also found something so much better…http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/701/1057/original.jpg
I remember when this was made. Good times.
Amish Jay with his tward
I didn’t know if I had it or not, so I decided to make one just for you.
You’re referencing things I know!
Pottery? Like in that film, Ghost?
Fuck Off, Ghost!
There has to be porn in there somewhere…
So you remember when I’ve been saying the first two transformer movies were the exact same movie all along? Remember that?
Is Transformers 4 Age Of Ettsplinktion out in the U.S. yet?
Can we expect a HITB of it or was all of this for nothing?
Seems like we’d get the review of Grown Ups 2 if they did that.
It as a book adaptation (All You Need is Kill). I really liked the film though.
This episode was a bresh of freth air.
I heard that M.Bay wanted to make a live action Neon Genesis Evangelion.
I don’t even like Evangelion and that is the worse idea since a Michael Bay producing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. That’s like having Zack Snyder direct a Cowboy Bebop movie.
“Zack Snyder direct a Cowboy Bebop movie.”
The very suggestion made me dry-heave a little.
No, but seriously, he’d turn Edward into a sexualized prepubescent Japanese girl in a schoolgirl uniform.
Who would be a little older so that when she inevitably hits on Spike, it wouldn’t be as squicky.
And Jet Black would be played by Jack Black. Because fuck you, that’s why.
And there would be no jazz in it, but dubstep cuz movies have to be contemporary now.
You mean a live-action Tales from Genesis Space?
My god it’s lower than the second one
Fuck the critics-97% of the audience is dying to see it so all is right with the world!
Fuck off, Ghost!
Someone needs to get killed again.
What if “Transformers 4″ is really just Michael Bay’s way of testing the audience with how much shit he can cram into a film before they finish editing “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”
My god. There are people who actually want to watch it.
97% of users want to see? Well, it is the internet: home of /4chan, reddit, ducklips, selfies, rule34, etc.
It’s at 17% now. This would bring me hope, but this film is still going to kill at the box office and probably make $1 billion worldwide. :’(
Good lord and thought that Jimmy Johns guy on youtube was harsh
It’s shit. What’d you expect?
I just hope the Police Academy Ratio shows with these Transformers movies now that the forth one’s getting a real shitstorm on rottentomatoes.
It’s so dense. Every single TV has so many things going on.
I don’t even know what that means!
Finally! At long last, I’ve watched all of Star Trek in it’s entirety, and it only took me 17 minutes.
Transformers: Age of Excretion
The film should be titled to fit the length. Transformers: Age of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
How dare they insult the sex god known as Rich Evans!
What’s wrong with your braaaaaand?
Why do people like this shit?
Rich Evans is right. The designs look so junky and not at all cool or how i’d picture a robot to look. They didn’t have to use the cartoon designs but they could make them look a little less like each other. :/
That’s the most neutral thing to say about him.
If Michael Bay and Len Kabasinski had a kid….it would just be a travesty for film and humanity in every way….
It would ruin Len’s career!
If you take each video stream and layer them with Transformers 1 2 3 at 33% 66% and 100% opacity respectively, play them all on top of each other, and then also play Dark Side of the Moon they’ll sync of perfectly and the composite audio/video will create an intelligible and watchable film. Trust me.
What happens if you watch them all at 100% opacity while smoking opium?
If you have them all at 100% opacity then you are only going to be able to see the one on the top layer. Can’t speak to the opium usage though. Perhaps research in this area is required.
hold up if you set film 1 on the bottom layer at 100% opacity and film 2 in the middle layer at 66% and film 3 on the top layer at 33% opacity then you’d see about 33% of 3, 44.22%(two thirds of the original 66%) of 2, and 22.11%(two thirds of 33%, which is one third of the original 100%) of 1 which would be uneven. now strictly speaking you haven’t implied that it’d be 33% of each film but i know you thought it inside your head.
In my experience with Sony Vegas layering works as subtractive percentage-wise. I haven’t done it in a long time but I have in the past layered 3 videos on top of each other and watched them simultaneously, and maybe if the layering were on “multipy mask” or something like that your logic would hold up, but in the traditional 33% 66% 100% alpha or whatever the default is it worked better to layer them at 3rds levels, unless I’m completely remembering that wrong (which is possible I haven’t had occasion to layer videos like this in a while).
I do appreciate the merits/logic of your math, and I’ll concede it may even be right, but IIRC how I said to do it worked better and achieved the desired effect.
this video went viral so it’s not just reddit but every nerd baiting website that reposted this video you can be thankful for cancer tier comments.
Lazy fucks, we want a plinketts review. And Half in the Bag with the Plinkett character. Give us what we want…. Oh, myyyyy goooodddddddddddddd!!!!
This will be the sixth time I have enjoyed this, and I have become exceedingly efficient at it.
Ergo. Concordantly. Vis-à-vis.
Per se. Tête-à-tête. Sesquipedalian.
Will Ferrell didn’t say that!
For every comment stating “Rich Evans Sucks” is a response of “Rich Evans Rocks” with quadruple the likes of the original comment. The good responses are just hidden underneath, is all.
Hey, did you guys know that a new Transformers movie is coming out TODAY?! Apparently it’s even more awful than any of the first three! Wow!
As much as I appreciate the joke of watching the whole trilogy at once, I have to point out that doing it like this means that you are deliberately sabotaging the viewing experience and thus undermining the integrity of the review.
True, but I’m not sure a serious review of these films is even possible. They’re just… cacophonous messes.
Cacophonous mess is a great band name. Maybe for those specializing in Polka.
Maybe for a polka-punk band. That’s a pretty self-consciously rebellious name. :p
Oh god… that genre actually exists. XD
already claimed it as a blog name for my web zone in which I detail the spiraling decay of my mental state. Make sure to subscribe.
there’s no need to deliberately say that it wasn’t a serious review because the watchers could tell that from the atmosphere.
Um, what review? This is more-so a reaction than a review.
Or are you saying they’re sabotaging the integrity of their reactions?
Did you forgot when they reviewed transformers 3…having neither of them seeing the movie in it’s entirety?
These videos are like poetry.
The only difference is I was vomiting in stanzas.
I think this might be the truest review of these movies.
The point wasn’t to judge any of them independently, but to show how each movie is the exact same collection of cliche’s and mind-numbing action, beat for beat. They can’t really sabotage the review when each movie is exactly the same.
This is less of a review and more of an experiment.
I just saw Transformers: Age of Extinction. It was….(fill in the blank)
…. a pleasant surprise?
This one, considering the fact that China is in the movie.
And because Mark Wahlberg looks like a duck.
Mark Wahlberg has the face of duck meat.
My favorite Chinese proverb!
the worst thing made by a human…except for the bagpipes.
It was fork in the brain.
The most disappointing thing since my son
O mai gaaaaaad! You saw it? You should feel… goult… guyl… g…. no wait. Whats that… Aww.
I don’t feel too guilty. I mean, I bought my ticket (actually I snuck in through the side door when people were leaving), I bought my popcorn (actually booze), and I was ready to see the fourth and hopefully final installment of the Transformers series. At that point, I was thinking, how bad could it really be?
Joking and Plinkett-referencing aside, I honestly did just go because my friends were going. I pretty much got exactly what I expected. Do I feel guilty?…..yes, a little bit. I despise that movie.
Oh no…. my fraudpost was discovered… I admit, I changed my post….
Well, now everyone will know what a blackgoogungan I am.
And, might aswell respond. I watched all the transformers movies with some degree of enjoyment. I loved the org.series cartoon. I hate Mr Bay and I hate these movies as movies. But I still like parts of them. Somewhat of the original Optimus survived and made it into this movie. I like also Bumblebee and some action sequences.
My “friends” tried to get me to go see Transformers IV. I told em: “No, I’m going to be busy trying to fill up a shoe with my own semen.”
“Take that, society!”
Well, it was society’s shoe.
Sorry! I kind of know what you mean. A part of me wants to like some parts of the movies.
what was the security recordings that showed all the engineres running from something…were they running from the black goo…was the black goo attacking them…if they were running away from the black goo attacking them and trying to kill them then why was the one guy running into the room where all the wases with the black goo was when the door closed and cut his head off… should’t he be running away from that room…did he forget his wallet in there….hey guys have you seen prometheus? what’s prometheus?
Why’d you spend money on that shit?
I can’t go on Reddit anymore. The people there defend shit like the Transformers movies and Man of Steel far too often and far to vehemently for any serious discourse to take place.
No you don’t; that would mean living in Milwaukee….
Michael Bay is a complete douche bag. He said in response to his criticism said “I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime.” Well it is because teenaged boys like stupid ass, unintelligent shit like Adam Sandler films and that fraud Pewdiepie. Bay even has the face of a complete douche.
I didn’t realize Pain & Gain was for 12 year olds.
I figured he made these movies for his one true love: Kim Jong Un.
When I saw 22 Jump Street there was tons of 12 year old kids there. I guess 12 year olds are into hard R films.
When has an R rating ever stopped a determined teenager?
lol, historically teenagers and hard R’s go hand in hand
It’s very well known that teenage Isaac Newton would sneak into the R-rated films. After successfully sneaking into 19 R-rated films, he was finally caught and kicked out of the theatre on his 20th try.
It was this event that caused him to rethink his priorities, and by extension his life, as he had been wasting his potential up until that point. Most people don’t quite understand the gravity of this change.
It was a little event you might of heard of called WORLD WAR ONE!
Pewdiepie is kind of funny…but his sense of humor gets old reallllllllly fast.
“Pewdiepie is kind of funny” That’s the funniest thing that I’ve read all week
Pewdiepie is kind of funny… if you like laughing at autistic people.
That’s called being a big O.T.
Okay I get it he sucks.
You probably don’t want to read this article in the Wall Street Journal about Pewdiepie:
A man makes four million dollars in profit because of him doing nothing but sitting on his ass playing video games and yelling into the camera with no effort put into it at all.
I warned you not to read it.
I didn’t read I actually knew about that story through a ReviewTechUSA video
I saw Transformers: Age of Extinction tonight and used it as an opportunity to try the old penis-in-the-popcorn trick. It was a rousing success.
Hopefully the movie didn’t give you an STI.
I hope your victim does not have long nails for your sake.
Except the pinkie, for snorting purposes.
Why does Bay always try and use the most popular music in pop culture with each of his films now? The score for turtles is all dubstep, these films all date so terribly from a sound standpoint alone.
Also, I agree with Rich, they are all a confusing scrapyard, where I can only tell Bumblebee and Optimus apart because they are yellow and blue/red respectively. Freaking confusing as sin. What is it they say? You should be able to tell every character from their silhouette?
Every frame is so dense. Every single image has so many things going on…
Hey now, dubstep is pretty good… if you’re deaf.
It’s gonna be great.
hopefully it’ll work out
What you say?
This video has produced a glorious GIF of our Lord and Saviour, Rich Evans.
And a pretty good one of Mike, too.
Mike briefly looked into the abyss of darkness and was rewarded with the gift of madness.
“And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”–Freddie Kneecha.
He just witnessed a Michael Bay that’s not The Rock
So that’s what you look like when you suffer brain trauma.
I got a headache just watching you watch them. God bless you all.
A lot of people have been giving praise to PAIN & GAIN, but honestly I thought it glorified a bunch of asshole criminals for no reason.
Considering how much I loved the genius of this short video, I can only imagine what will happen to my penis when the Plinkett review is released.
Here’s what I think he’ll say:
The Transformer movies are like a rubix cube that collided with my other ex-wife’s car. I got a neat rainbow colored car out of it. Unfortunately, it’s got the aerodynamics of my first ex-wife. These movies are a mess, but they are stylistically designed to be this way, but let’s not diminish the effects. It’s times like these that I actually miss Jorge. Lucas actually did make a great movie once. You know, before he got eaten by fat Lucas. Michael Bay has never made a good movie. All of his movies are designed to bludgeon all of your senses, kinda like that blue crystal meth that Bambi tried to steal from me. You know, right before she killed herself in the bathtub.
Number 1. Do you remember when stories had a plot? You know, the story that Homer Simpson invented with the Illad? Well fuck that noise, cause we’ve got boobs, cars, and robot cars fighting next to boobs. Which could be cool, I guess. Except we have hours of this stupid human drama that serves no point at all and has nothing to do with what I came here for? Why am I watching Shia Lebeuf stutter and get seizures? I can see that whenever I grab the stun gun and zap a hooker with it. Make sure to get the one with the prongs that shoot out cause it works the best.
Number 2. Seriously, what’s wrong with your faaaccee? The Transformers themselves look like junkyards having sex with each other. I’m told by neeerrdds that they are different characters and have names and shit, but I didn’t see anything that resembles a character. I just saw a bunch of racial caricatures. Man, and I thought being White was hard. Ironically, these one dimensional…things?…Spocks?….monkeys? have more personality than this lady, or that lady, or this guy. The design is somehow over stylized and undefined at the same time. It’s like Picasso made love to Frank Gehry while Jackson Poll…Polack? watched with a video camera. Wanna hear a great Polack joke? I do. Send it here to http://www.youracistfuck.net.
I don’t think it’ll be a Transformers review. That horse is dead enough already.
I guess I’m not as knowledgeable of RLM joke trends/arcs as I thought. So at 0:25, is Jay:
A) Continuing Len Kabasinski’s joke of “Is this real life?” in BotW 18 (shown below)?
B) Making a disconnected/unrelated joke about “real life” that has a similar effect (as in, a coincidence, or a spur-of-the-moment joke)
C) Referencing some other RLM joke about “real life?”
D) None of the above
Maybe I shouldn’t even care. Maybe I shouldn’t be looking into this so hard. I may have gone too fa- *gets shot*
The saying most likely gained popularity from the viral video ‘David After Dentist’ but I don’t think he’s directly referencing it. It’s somewhat of its own saying, similar to random things people say like “Jesus Christ!” and “What the fuck?!”
Ohhhhh yeah, I forgot about that. Thanks, that makes the most sense.
I approve of this kind of rigorous investigation into throwaway jokes. -_-b Thumbs-up sir!
One must do something while waiting for the next video (But I really was wondering about that).
I was being completely sincere, if that wasn’t clear.
“One must do something while waiting for the next video”
Indeed. Indeed… Waiting for new content is the slow descent into madness.
I just thought Jay was a fan of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No escape from Bay-ality?…
Caught in a slide whistle.
It’s like poetry
Cut. Let’s try it again.
Wait a minute, you’re not Rick Berman.
Get the Fuck out!
What is it with Ricks?
/Shakes neck fat violently.
By planet core I assume he means planet core
I’d fuck her right in the pussy
why hasn’t someone assassinated bay yet?
Because, as Harry Shearer was so good to remind us, it’s never the unpopular president who gets shot.
Michael Bay actually died 25 years ago, but the Hollywood movie/marketing execs have been pulling a “Weekend at Bernies” routine with his corpse so they can continue to make shitty movies with impunity.
This reminds me of one of the seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD. I can’t remember which one, but if you chose “play all” then it literally showed every episode at the same time. I was too amused to be pissed.
Season 3, I believe. I actually watched a few episodes of ATHF last night. I forgot about how dark some of those episodes are.
Good choice using a reaction video format. I think that if they tried to do a real review of the series a la the Resident Evil episode, they probably would have started bleeding internally 3/4 of the way through Revenge of the Fallen and died somewhere around John Malkovich’s perplexing cameo in Dark of the Moon.
Interesting concept. Gave me half a stalk. I was drinking at the drive-in when I saw the second or third one. Never saw the first one.
I had no idea that certain scenes would sync-up like that, but I suppose it is not surprising. RLM could really open up the playing field and view all Bruckheimer|Bay films to see if there has been a boilerplate storyline for a long while.
Where is Bumblee and what has he had?!!
“What has he done to you?!?”
What has he had?!!
“What has you done to yo-self?”
Half In the bag marketing machine spins up? *check
Huge Lolz, indignation, and Micky Bay hate ensue? *check
Transformers 4 makes 100 million in first weekend? *check
Way to go fuckers!
Wow. Mike’s joke about the Wright Brother’s plane being the first Transformer was actually not nearly as stupid as what the real film decided to go with.
“My father? Why, he was the wheel. The first wheel!”
Fuck these movies.
Ugh I hate EWW.
Meh. Seeing as how it was rather painstaking trying to find a clip from Transformers 2 for something else I was doing, I decided it was easier just to time code this video instead of wasting time trying to find this clip on YouTube.
I actually only realized that after I made the comment, but ive been brooding so long about youtube suggesting eww that i simply needed to say something…
I’ve started to hate it, too. It’s one thing to point out every single flaw and cliche in a movie, but if you can’t take those critiques to the next level to show why they hurt the effectiveness of the story, you’re just a nitpicking little bitch.
Well, many of his ‘sins’ are tongue-in-cheek and he’ll pick apart films of any quality with roughly the same formula for sins. The motto for the channel is literally “no movie is without sin”. The whole point is to be incredibly anal and nitpicky about films and there are people that get entertainment out of him doing so [although some seem to think their favourite movies are terrible and flawed now, which I think is a bit much].
That being said, these videos are starting to get rather repetitive and have lost part of its charm. They used to be more entertaining for some reason, but now they’re somewhat difficult to sit through and I don’t find them as amusing or funny. This video I only cracked a smile a few times whereas before I would actually have a few laughs.
He may need to change how he approaches his videos. I prefer him talking to himself across a table about recent films.
Ya, I prefer the talking across the table, too. I’ll never tire of “What’s the Damage?” but I can no longer watch EWW videos. I’d rather wash dishes than listen to them.
There are some terrific podcasts that do the cross table style…I subscribe to “yeah it’s that bad” “we hate movies” “your favorite podcast”…there are certainly more but those are all ones I stand behind…
I just find it grating and annoying personally. I find “honest trailers” to be even worse…the whole concept is thrown directly out the window as they leave the format from go…they’re usually three minutes long, discuss the entire plot including spoilers, the actors either celebrity or past acting performances amongst others issues that are not coming directly to mind. I think aside from the fine point that domo put on it I simply do not like the guy’s sense of humor.
When he’s talking about movies that work, I agree, but here, he clearly states how stupid this movie is.
Personally, I feel he paints all movies with the same broad brush of horridness, so a fan can’t tell the difference between a good movie and a terrible one. To him, Life of Pi is just as bad as Sinister, just maybe not as many sins. So instead of creating film fans, he creates film trolls who nitpick everything to death.
But but but… I thought Mike likes thwords!
Optometrist Prime has TOO thwords!
What do you want in the next Transformers movie?
A different director would probably make the biggest and most substantial difference in terms of quality.
Ehren Kruger will still write it though
Kruger…must be a cousin to Freddy.
But I already saw Revenge of the Fallen…
It’s like poetry. It kinda rhymes….
17 of the Cheesiest Lines from the new Transformers movie:
“I’m literally going to kill you.” – Cade Yaeger (Mark Wahlberg)
“That’s a bad idea — but I’m all about bad ideas.” – Hound (John Goodman)
“What kind of cars are those? They’re so scary!” – Lucas Flannery (T.J. Miller)
“I’m Galvatron!” – Galvatron (Frank Welker)
“This one’s for you, A-hole!” – Crosshairs (John DiMaggio)
“Take out your guns and shoot them!” – James Savoy (Titus Welliver)
“There’s a missile in the living room!” – Tessa Yeager (Nicola Peltz)
“When I find out who’s behind this, he’s going to die.” – Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen)
“My face is my warrant.” – James Savoy
“Take that, bitch! You’re dead!” – Hound
“Human freedom is at stake.” – Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer)
“We’re retrieving the seed — then we’re done defending the humans.” – Optimus Prime
“Prime’s taken my trophy case, and he will feel my wrath!” – Lockdown (Mark Ryan)
“Autobots, we’re going to prove who we are, and why we’re here.”– Optimus Prime
“These alien guns kick ass!” – Cade Yaeger
“Come and get some! You’re all going to die!” – Hound
“Whenever you look to the stars, think of one of them as my soul.”– Optimus Prime
Poor Frank Welker. He’s one of my two personal heroes in voice acting and he’s saying these stupid ass lines for a paycheck.
Same with john DiMaggio.
But not Ed Asner. Granny Goodness always says the right thing.
Thank god Steven Jay Blum voice of my favorite characters and hero of mine hasn’t been involved in these movies….oh shit, I probably just gave Bay an idea
Tom the Transformer?
TOM should only be hosting Toonami and requoting Cowboy Bebop
Oh come on, Domo, that last line is beautiful robot poetry.
I’m gonna do that every night, with the star that turns out to just be an airplane…
Or shiny space debris.
Transformers about to burn up in the atmosphere?
I have a soft spot for T.J. Miller and I have more respect for him after seeing his audition for Yogi the Bear [which was probably a shit movie but this audition is funny, I think].
Don’t forget this gem:
“I can’t wait for the sequel!” — Michael Bay
“We don’t want one” — The audience
But at the end of part 3, Optimus said “But the day will never come that we forsake this planet and its people.”
It’s right up there in the video! WHAT A PLOT HOLE!
Cade Yaeger? Is he Eren’s dad??
“On that day RedLetterMedia received a grim reminder, that they are all hack frauds”
Cade Yaeger is Cypher Rage’s former college roommate.
Ten years later this song is still relevant…
I still hope for a Team America sequel.
I think there’s a new South Park movie in the works.
And when I say “in the works,” I of course assume that Trey Parker hasn’t started writing it yet.
Critic proof movies are the bane of cinema. The only way to stop these movies is if people started to realize that what they’re watching is not good but we can’t because a vast majority of the movie going audience is full of drooling idiots and babies.
It would be awesome if Mike and Jay did and epic Jack an Jill style review of the Transformers series. That way they can really show the harmful nature of these films and refute Michael Bay’s philosophy of “I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime” (like you quoted). I could be jumping the gun here, though.
Hmmm, it seems faster to take this video and combine it with the Jack and Jill review. It’s pretty much the same thing.
You’re right about that, and I just thought of that right after I commented. You really can just do “Find and Replace”
edit of the script of the Jack and Jill review to fit the Transformers series.
It wouldn’t be appropriate. The budget for these films is somewhat justifiable given the massive use of CGI and on-location filming. Albeit they are terrible movies, at least MB seems to at least enjoy making movies. Sandler has contempt for his audience AND the art of filmmaking. Fuck that guy.
Critic proof movies are the Bane of your what?
Since Bane sounds like Sean Connery I can post this!
Now I’m completely against the death penalty but when I see a person posting youtube links to YTMND content I start looking for materials with which to construct a guillotine. besides you should have posted this… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLFAXvFYhsE
I prefer the Holiday Special and the scenes when Batman is flying The Bat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSCm8yAxBr8&list=PLINl9l0igYjzIipxsD4Y59_Jjxe4N3pZo Auralnauts also produced this.
Holy SHIT that was funny!
Thank you, magic trash-can.
I went and watched Episode 2 and will watch Episode 3 either soon or after I wake up.
It was late last night but I stayed up and watched all 3 Episodes. Loved them all. Thanks!
Search for m Night deleted commentary…then you can thank me.
Guys, will you review Edge of Tomorrow (it’s AMAZING by the way)?
Pro Tip: When asking them to review a flick refer to them as “hack-frauds” or “neck-bearded x”…
Does that actually work?
Review Regarding Henry, you neck-bearded hack-frauds!
*insert cliched reference to 90′s film staring a talking pig here*
Gordy for the win!
The ending makes no sense. that kills the movie.
Where’s the Mrs Brown’s Boys D’Moopie/Anjelica Huston’s Agnes Browne comparison extravaganza?
There’s a rumor going around that if you watch Transformers 4 backwards its about robots hitting each-other in slow motion and ‘splosions…
Yes! More redrums…… wait smurder?
People call me a smuderer even though I’ve never been scaught.
I’ll be right back. I gotta go to court cuz I accidentally ran over a Skorean family with my car…
The wait for each RLM video is as agonizing as it is worth it.
I don’t know. It’s been four weeks since the last BOTW. I’m an old man with very little patience. Make with the funny already.
New animated Plinkett coming right up.
Yes. Ironic that during summers when you have the time to waste these hacks don’t shove out their useless crap. Atleast there is a myriad of old crap to watch.
Ive watched (and rewatched) StarTrek 5 with the Plinkett-commentary so I don’t go insane of waiting! -Try it. Or maybe Babys day out- review ,it’s also a masterpiece.
Actually really waiting/looking forward for Spacecop. I heard that he’s on the case.
Dude, youtube has a metric shit ton of MST3K vids…just watch those.
Perhaps he doesn’t care for MST3K?
Seeing as how it’s Canadia Day up here in Canadia, I find this song very offensive.
And by offensive I mean I burst out in laughter near the end. For some reason hearing someone say they want to bomb Canadia is funny to me. Thanks for the video.
They’re funny sometimes. I would say RLM is like the good parts of MST3K with a more in depth knowledge of film.
Here is an old blog about Linkin Park, with much the same theme.
Something more to flush down to the plane’core.
Very interesting. Thanks
So, you are saying that Linkin Park in the soundtrack for these movies is like a match made in heaven?
It’s like rain…at my dead wife’s funeral.
Typical Transformers movie plot formula:
1. Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime narrates some backstory for the film.
2. Opening action scene featuring Humans fighting a Transformer usually alongside another.
3. Introduce human characters that we don’t care about. They include the generic relatable man, sex object, annoying comedic relief, or they can be all rolled into one.
4. Human discovers some Transformer related or finds a Transformer.
5. Human is then attacked by a Decepticon but then is safe from danger.
6. Human characters must meet up with Autobots.
7. The government gets involved.
8. Government wants to stop Autobots and the human characters.
9. The Decepticons attack so the Government now trusts the Autobots.
10. Highway scene.
11. Giant city fight.
12. Decepticons lose and the Autobots win.
13. Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime has an ending monologue.
14. Credits end with a Linkin Park song
Your formula does not include the “mysterious MacGuffin”….but other than that seems pretty legit.
That would be number 4. The MacGuffin is always connected the Transformers and the human characters find it
ooh good call. MB.
Milton Bradley? What do they have to do with fucking anybody right in the pussy? Who are you? Why am I listening to you?
I was just signing my initials…MB MB as in Michael Bay! I’ve been spying on all you haters!
hahaha The man you trusted wasn’t Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I’ve been smoking harmless tobacco!
15. Fuck her right in the pussy.
That will be filed under typical elements in Michael Bay or Transformers “films”
1. Camera angled up from a downward position as people exit cars.
2. Stereotypical fight on highway and/or street.
3. Lens flares for the purposes of lens flares. Or artsy fartsy AA Abrams crap.
4. A usually respected actor embarrassing themselves in a stupid and horribly written role.
5. Spinning shots.
6. Bad editing in action scenes.
7. Bad editing in non action scenes.
8. Horrible design for Transformers.
9. Terrible camera work during an action scene.
10. Sex jokes.
11. Dick/crotch related humor.
12. Piss related jokes.
13. Huge under performance from sex object.
14. Inhuman dialogue.
15. Only the voice actors have fun in their roles because they get to be giant robots.
16. All actors that appear on screen do not care for the movie and clearly just want a paycheck.
Your list is pretty good, but you’re severely lacking in the REALLY SLOW MOTION department.
How did you miss that?!
Bay just randomly uses slow mo
I think he meant “story” elements…but with transformers it might as well be…
Holy shit! I never noticed that before…
The writers gave that sex object a name?
Did you add in the puppy factor?
Fixed now. Disqus loves making comments a nightmare sometimes.
You should check the suckability index chart
Bay used to rip off Fincher’s visual style all the time back in the day.
….still gets to make big budget movies and turn them into shlock. Pity.
Wow, on the other hand I had no idea David’s first movie(realmovie) was Alien3.
Fincher absolutely loathed that set.
Oh man. 20takes per scene, constant changing script and fresh off making Madonna musicvideos? Lucky, noone murdered him!
Very glad that A3 didn’t become a woodencathedral/monk/Renny Harlin piece of shlock!
I’ve heard that Fincher will sometimes do over fifty takes per scene. FIFTY.
Gash! I dont know if many can take that kind of abuse.
I read that the opening scene in the Social Network required 100 takes. Imagine that. LOL
You wanna hear the craziest shit you’ve heard all day? As flawed as it is I prefer Fincher’s smaller darker Alien cubed to Cameron’s big nuts rockandroll guns and action Aliens. I guess unlike everyone else on the planet I never had a problem with the story starting a low point for Rip. Yes, I know my chubbby for Fincher is showing.
Oh nice! I think the third should be given way more credit/space than it has got. I love them both. I really enjoy them both. I guess I really can’t pick a winner.
The mopie has problems but I also try to imagine scifi movies set in these kind of set-enviroment (the miserable backend humancondition, jail, God, justice/redemption) and there are really not many of them and I dont think we will get one more of these.
I mean A3 has a really dark, depressing atmosphere but I’ts also poetic enough not to make me depressed.
Ripley ends up on a planet from where there is no escape. Everyone in her pastlife is dead and now she has mentally ruined/disturbed criminals as her shrinks/redeemers.
Her 3 minute boyfriend gets killed, the only sane person in the movie. Bishop wants to go back to sleep.
She is dying, she has nothing to live for. “You’ve been in my life so long, I can’t remember anything else”.
Sad,depressing,you want to vomit of grief.
She gets to die knowing that the company does not get to make more aliens.
I love it! Beutiful movie.
I don’t think Alien: Resurrection is as bad as people seem to make out either. It certainly has its problems. It’s definitely the biggest, dumbest, most Hollywoodest of those first 4, but it has it’s moments.
This really is the hardest one to judge in my mind.
I think its the most generic Alien movie. The sortof one I would make. It’s a “I know how to entertain people” kind of movie. It’s well made, it’s not dumb, it really has it’s moments as you say and it delivers. A safebet movie in my mind.
I don’t badmouth it. I like it but it lacks what the others had.
The first just scared the crap out of you. Scifi atmosphere, expolore, discover turn ugly.
Second one is filled with a “they are going to kick so much ass” buildup suspence and it does not turn into cheap action. A balanced action/scifi movie.
The third I have explained.
And the fourth is a good movie. A generic one. Atleast for me.
Johner: I heard you ran into these things before!
Ripley: That’s right!
Johner: Wow! So, what did you?
Ripley: I died!
It is well made, It’s a lovely looking film. It can be pretty cheesy in places but there are some genuinely well done dramatic moments in it – flame-throwers vs fail-clones, the xeno/human genetic abomination being sucked through the crack in the window is kinda heartbreaking.
I think, like you say, it was just a case of it being a safe bet, and where Fincher tried to fight the constant interference and changes and whatnot, I think Jean-Pierre Jeunet made a point of just doing as he was told and not making too much of a fuss.
Oh yea, the visuals. Your right about that. Good looker it is.
All french should be offensive, defiant, smoke cigarettes with a constant distaste for life and make good movies. THAT IS WHY WE KEEP THEM ALIVE!
Also to cure safe bets shove this in there. +Babies allover love it.
Still haven’t seen all of City Of Lost Children. The only other film of his I’ve seen is Delicatessen. Fucking love Delicatessen.
I agree wholeheartedly AR actually an alright movie rife with problems. I honestly believe the film has a few things going for it beyond a having more than just few casting choices i happen to enjoy on a purely personal level (perlman, ryder, dourif, freeman, hedaya). I am conflicted about the idea of injecting humor into an alien movie but i certainly don’t find it as grating as many apparently do. I enjoy the cinematography, and set character and costume design. So with all that said the film got a few things right in my book, but unfortunately mostly just window-dressing. The movie has some serious plot, pacing and theme problems (or maybe I’m just missing something). With all that said I am a fan of Jean Peirre Jet-knot I love Ameile and City of Lost children and Delicatessen. I think he’s got some real talent. I think I put this one just above Prometheus on the suckability index.
Call me crazy beautiful is one of the first words that comes to mind when thinking about that movie beautiful and hideously ugly. Fincher has always had this amazing way of feeding conflicting ideas into one another, figure hes probably a Buddhist er somethin.
The failure of the Transformers movies is their editing. Writing is always bad but they need less frenetic editing and go back to story.
You already posted this video as part of a joke once on this thread man and nobody laughed the first time…
You already posted this video as part of a joke once on this thread man and nobody laughed the first time…
haha! fair enough
You posted this comment twice yourself. Talk about the black calling the kot a pettle.
I don’t even know what that means.
Butt he an sweris yes? I am so confused.
They obviously meant “butthe ans wer isyes”. It’s French-Germanic.
It roughly translates to “fuck the pain away”.
It’s like poetry…
It’s actually Cuneiform for “Soon you will appreciate blow.”
You needn’t take it any further, RLM. You’ve proved to me that all this Transformersplosions and Michael Bay films is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I’ve
learned me lesson, RLM. I’ve seen now what I’ve never seen before. I’m
cured! Praise Rich Evans! I’m cured!
Praise Rich Evans!
WHERE’S THE RISE OF THE DAWN OF THE DAY OF THE BATTLE OF THE CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES REVIE- Oh, it’s not out yet.
RotDotDotBotCotPotA is looking good.
It really is.
Are you fucking following?!
Just dredge Natalie Portman out of the nearest dumpster and get that M. Nihgt Shyanam… Shynamalan.. on the phone.
Jayden Smith is young-Anakin trying to find out who his real father is but then the monkeys attack wit twards and Optimus uses his two twards to save the black goo.
The black goo turns out to be Jaydens father and now Jayden must save the black goo from old man Waylen before the monkeys realize that the black goo owns the casinos that they own money to.
Natalie Portman team up with senetor Megan Lefox who is Gene Simmons hermaphrodite collage roomate to stop the monkeys who now own all of OCP stock. They negotiate a 3Ddeal with Metropolis to lend them Superman.
But Bane who is also the black goo realizes that Waylen who is also a secret asshole knows the existence and the exact location of the beenstock the magical path to cybertron. He then travels but gets interrupted and he must give up his superpowers and survive on logic.
Megatron must now face Ptmihmus and tranforms into a gun but he gets stuck in gun mode falls to the floor and Optimus transform into a discrete wheelchair hides in the wheelchair store.
He later gets picked up by an old, smelly, fat man with sunglasses and ends up in Milwaukee.
You mean he ends up in New Jersey.
That’s Fake Optimus Prime Wheelchair, the one who has do deal with fecal urgency and spastic colons filled with creamed corn.
Yea, the engineers could not get the first one to function properly. Maybe that’s why the black goo escaped with Shinzon who turned out to be a clone of Bane.
No, thats Sharkmageddon. I’m sure of this.
Has anyone noticed that Jay kinda looks like Spike Jonze?
This may sound extremely creepy, but I’ve been wondering when Jay will shave his beard again. It’s just a thing I notice every video. I’m beginning to think he never will.
Jay looks great with a beard.
If the shit fits, wear it.
You aint lying tho, Jays got a beard powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.
If only Jay’s beard could keep gas prices down.
The next time you’re filling up, imagine the price is twice what it says, then think of me as I offer a ritual sacrifice to the bearded one.
If he does shave then lumberjackJay and amishJay ceases to exist.
Well that’s going right in the spank bank…
Actually had to check what that ment. Thanks guest, if that is your real name.
No, they continue in alternate timelines.
Quick, get JJ Abrams on the phone so we can reboot!
Amish Jay! rofl.
(Hadn’t heard that one before, but that’s the perfect term for his previous look…)
Can’t recall who I stole the term from. I guess he will have me killed.
Jay has many appearences. I think my favorite is stoner/trucker Jay from the Grabowskis.
I think of some of them affectionately as Werewolf Jay also.
But now that his facial-hair has reached perfect-form, where can he go from here?? It’s not easy at the top.
May he never shave.
Jay’s beard loves close-ups.
Well that’s going directly into the spank bank.
Is that an OK reference or is it too Mike Myers?
I’ll allow it, but watch yourself, you may be tempted to make a Dr. Evil reference in next week or so and just like that you’ll be over quota…and then where will you be?
Hey! Who are you? Are you like the law?
We’ll see it’s kinda hard, Im on a roll. You know that Adam Sandler is also kinda funny.
If I were an icecream I’d be pralines and dick. That’s who I am.
I’m just glad Jack finally shaved his head. It’s weird going back into the annals of RLM (it’s even weirder doing anal with them, trust me, I’m a doctor) and seeing Jack rocking the Friar Tuck look.
That’s because he is.
Y’know what I was joking about Len Kabasinski earlier but after watching his interviews again he’s much more thoughtful than Michael Bay ever was and actually cares about his films. I’d rather watch Len’s best efforts at creating movies than Michael Bay’s marketing orgies pretending to be movies.
Alright so now I get thankless job of championing Michael Bay. The man may make hollow meaningless tripe, he may not know how to direct his actors, he may favor special effects as a replacement for competent story telling or interesting mechanisms to get an idea across (if the man even has “ideas”) the man may have no idea how make an action movie taught and thrilling, and instead favors to make boring stupid trash, but i will say this. At least he knows how to focus his camera on the action taking place in front of the camera.
I guess that’s the only nice thing to say about him, He can make long uncut shots of action of incredible complexity. Unfortunately, it becomes incomprehensible. I can’t determine if he’s Picasso or Jackson Pollock.
haha well he’s able to do a few things more than that obviously. Like attract top CGI guys (and of course tasking them to construct incomprehensible messes). He’s frame his shots fairly well. I think (and I might just have no idea what im talking about but) the charges leveled at him regarding “shaking camera” are unfounded. He seems to be fairly knowledgeable at operating a camera for what I can tell, its just that as a storyteller the man falls flat on his face. I’ll go further to say the hate for the man is fun but far overwrought. As painful as it might be that a meat-head jock is able to entertain millions of idiots, we do need to remember that (blablabla bottom line “film is art but its also a business” defense). As important as it is to you and me that a story-teller invest us in their ideas, or transport us to another world, or challenge us, or make us think some people dont care about that shit.
Sounds like the guy needs to be demoted to concept artist, lead storyboard artist, or something that’s focused solely on the visual aspects of a film. Because he’s in control of every aspect of the film, the writing suffers from spectacle creep(?) Definitely spectacle overload. It’s pretty clear that he has a heavy thumb on the writers (they weren’t good to begin with, but the childish, condescending racism/sexism is clearly coming from Bay). He really is the kind of person that needs someone above him to veto his more outlandish ideas. Without that kind of person to say, “That doesn’t make sense,” we get…well, Transformers..
I’m of a similar mind, the man is given far to much executive power and the competence of the film suffers with him at the reigns.
You are correct, there isn’t much shaky-cam in Bay’s work. The thing is, that with all that quick-cut editing it ends up delivering a very similar impression.
Focus? You mean BEFORE the editing wood shredder?
I was speaking about his ability to operate a camera, not his inability to tell a coherent story…thought that would have been obvious.
Take another look at the ep where they’re critiquing “night of the wolf” or whatever Jay comments on a paticular scene that the woods behind the actors is sharply in focus leaving the actors themselves looking fuzzy. I think this is one of the few things that MB can stick into his cap “ability to focus the camera on actors”.
Fair enough. When I think of Bay’s “ability to focus camera on actors” I recall those shots in the Bad Boys climax. Such scenes are much more intense … than the latest iteration of the galactic mechanical worm that twirls around NYC smashing everything while getting smashed by all the good guy robots simultaneously.
Chicago but I certainly agree…well with everything but the “much”.
What are you talking about?
All the action is CGI. How can he focus on something that isn’t there while he’s filming?
I think he has far more skill at operating a camera than many are willing to admit. I will say that I think most of his stylistic choices are boring and recycled, and perhaps you could argue that this is a result of repetition and not skill. Either way it seems to me that he is better able to successfully capture and present what is happening in front of the camera then Len Kabasinski.
Watching the Grabowskis to kill time. It is now my favorite sit com.
Lauren: Honey it’s three o’clock and we need to pick up the kids from school.
Mike: We picked them up yesterday.
The best from season 1.
Come on, it has been like a week, post new content.
You must be new here
No I am not. What makes you say that? Is it that RLM does not post videos less than a week or so apart, that they get all butthurt when people ask for more, or that they are currently working on their project? Tell me more old man.
Data can be my digital download any day.
It takes them at least six months to make each video.
Hollywood’s reliance on sequels this year has made the process ten times easier. Mike and Jay just film themselves giving a rough discussion of how they imagine the sequel will play out based on the previous film, then fill in the gaps with spoilers they read on wikipedia two days after the actual film comes out.
Magic, Hollywood magic.
exactly! each edited discussion is usually the result of 300+ hours of analysis and debate. Which is why it often appears as though Jay’s beard blooms before your very eyes…
Fuck movies. Fuck all this shit. Fuck my life.
That’s the spirit.
That’s right, Jay!
You better beeeeelieve it!
Oh, shit, your giving me Naruto flashbacks, you bastard!
I got smashed because I thought there’d be a new BOTW or at least something by now, so now I’m probably gonna have to watch it, whatever it is, with a hangover. It’s gonna be great.
Drunk already? Yea, a lack of HITB and BOTW will do that. Of course to also be able to watch it requires alcohol.
I’m not asleep, I’m just resting my eyes.
Has anyone else seen the latest image from Batdude v Superguy: Dawn of Jaundice? It’s pretty cool. If you look closely, you’ll see that the suit has a few minor differences from the one in Stan of Meal.
He will give the people an ideal to strive against.
A buck eighty-nine? What a rip off!
If they’re selling it for that price, I might actually buy it!
Ma’el and Pa’el sure made a good lookin baby
Oh, that’s just the new poster for the Batman Superman movie.
Correction: Batman Bizarro movie…
Either way it’s gonna suck. DC studios needs to dish out some new characters.
Yeah, but since hes all pasty white… i was just doing like a joke thing..
So, I tried to watch The League of Super Critics review of Transformers 4, and I found myself bored with it. I think it’s what would happen if a BOTW had no editing or quick cuts to various scenes. As a result, I really appreciate RLM’s reviewing style.
I have no idea what they are talking about, that nerd chick’s cleavage is way too distracting.
That’s the best part, and yeah, I agree.
Jesus, imagine a world where these were your go to movie reviewers?
It isn’t *that* bad, but yeah not so great …
The problem with them is they assume that people who watch movie reviews want to strictly see people talking about the movie. (If that were the case we would just read the reviews for pure information.) Doing this style of on-camera reviewing requires a level of charisma these two don’t have. Mike and Jay are about as charismatic as Mr. Plinkett but the style of HitB is such that it constantly keeps your attention while giving you information about the movies.
Also, HYUK HYUK HYUK is never fun to listen to.
Critic says to not listen to critics. http://www.uloop.com/news/view.php/127582/Transformers-4-Review-Ignore-the-Critic
I thought they put this up as a teaser to the fourth Transformers movie review.
I guess they put this up so everyone would understand why they were not going to review it at all.
Yeah, somehow, a 20 minute video of people laughing at Transformers is somehow boring and not fun to watch, while an hour long BOTW is hysterical.
I wasn’t sure where to put this so I’ll just leave this here.
I wasn’t sure where to put this so I’ll just leave it here.
Turns out I can’t embed for shit and the result is Jay’s beautiful face being thrice posted. Oh well. More to love.
This video is more entertaining than the actual movies themselves
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