Half in the Bag: The Last Stand and A Haunted House |

Anonymoose

Fuck this episode. When are we going to see the completed “Juggle Your Way to Health and Beauty” short?

Juggles

I was just thinking this! Maybe they can do it on the next live stream.
http://www.facebook.com/Tensen01 Derek Hand

If you’d watched the livestream you would have seen it. And it’s not theirs, it was something they found on VHS.
- WhiskeySteroids
  
  Not to be too pedantic but it wasn’t found on a VHS tape. The Juggling short was a bit by Tim Heidecker for Tim and Eric fame.
  - Liquidus
    
    Fuck, I thought that was Rich Evans! :O
    
    They really look alike!

Leo Ladenson

Shave and a haircut, two beers.

http://twitter.com/mr_strangeland strangeland studios

Fuck everything, it’s January!

Ameseours

2nd! Fuck constructive comments!

Leo Ladenson

Shut up, you neck-bearded hipsters.

Jigsaw

I really liked that line for a reason that I can’t quite put my finger on. Hm….
- godawfull accent
  
  I really like your line for a reason I can’t quite put my finger on. Hm…
  - Cheesy Pus Cormorant
    
    No…
    I really like your line for a reason I can’t quite put my finger on. Hm…
    - Poppasketti
      
      No, no…
      I really like your line for a reason that I can’t quite put my finger on. Hm…
Jigsaw

I really liked that line for a reason I can’t quite put my finger on. Hm…
http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

And you’re Rick Berman so fuck you Rick Berman.
guy

I was just glad someone finally pointed out how no one uses that word properly, anymore.

How dare you like something I’ve never heard of!
- DasBoot
  
  Totally. Hipsters are a specific shitty, irony obsessed, faux-sub culture for bored rich college kids. It does not mean anyone who likes something outside the mainstream. Listening to new industrial/ebm bands is no longer mainstream in the US but that does not make one a hipster, it makes one a rivet-head…who wants to curb-stomp hipsters.

http://www.facebook.com/MaaShinn Matthew Shannon

they use “disaster movie” as a torture device in other countries

Ralph Sepe

No. Your facts are wrong. They use “Meet The Spartans” as a torture device. They use “Disaster Movie” to kill people when they get the death penalty.
http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

I was jailed in Guantanamo Bay once and we had to see Disaster Movie & Epic Movie with Jar Jar’s head superimposed into each shot of both films.

So yeah, this is why terrorists hate America.

Jason

all the movies are terrible

presidente pullman

fuck movies

Mark

I Saw The Devil was fucking AWESOME!!

stolliosis

Are we going to get a “Fuck you, it’s February” with the final nail in the coffin of the Die Hard series: It’s a Good Day to Die Hard?

http://www.facebook.com/Panzergoob Jon Fite

I don’t know. This Die Hard has a lot of positives working for it so-far. R Rating, no hackers, what appears to be plenty of practical effects, John McClain being a smart-ass, etc. It looks like it could be pretty damn good.
- Leo Ladenson
  
  Right. Never bet against Bruno.
- stolliosis
  
  You might be right. As long as he doesn’t fight a jet!
- beavobeave
  
  I see your positives a raise you the ultimate negative: Skip Woods is a writer for A Good Day to Die Hard. He wrote Xmen Origins Wolverine, The A-Team, and that horrible Hitman movie.
  - zeitguest
    
    Hey we also have fucking Lindelof writing for World War Z so there’s one anticipated movie out the window. Weird awful CGI shit undulating masses of arms and legs that break the laws of physics by tripping, falling down and blocking themselves while moving at a sprinting pace zombies.
    
    At least Pacific Rim isn’t too far off – April.
    
    But geez, why must everyone spooge all over the site about Star Wars? Who cares if we just found out JJ Abrams is definitely doing it, right? Stop all this off-topic drivel!
    
    But if Abrams brings Lindelof on for Star Wars I will be puking for the next decade. Not in stanzas, but disjointed meaningless half-statements (but we’ll call my pukes mysteries I have the answers to, okay?)
    - stolliosis
      
      I will not lie; I was an avid Lost Fan, and then Lindelof gave me the “Fuck you, we’re in limbo.” Holding out hope and bursting with excitement, I rushed to see Prometheus. If you removed the dialouge, Prometheus might be a good visual movie. It was probably a let down on par with The Phantom Menace.
    - stolliosis
      
      Also, who wants to place bets that at the end of World War Z, Brad Pitt will awake in limbo?:)
    - zeitguest
      
      Fucking fuck I bet you’re right. Buy the writer’s actual full name is “fucking Lindelof” so we shouldn’t be surprised
  - Robby
    
    A Team was a fun movie though.
- Jakoporeeno
  
  Maybe, but they will never beat Titanic. Nobody can
- Christopher Kulik
  
  And yet it’s from a real shitty director!
Someguy

Lol i really thought that was a joke,but no u where sincere.This movie actually exist and i want to kill myself now,the joke’s on us.

twat

Did Jay do some lines before the episode? He’s fucking hyped.

X10Unit1

Mike seemed like he was either just in a bad mood or was actually felt insulted by both movies. Jay seemed like he was in a great mood and finally got Mike into one once Jay got him to laugh. Good laugh by the way Mike.

Leo Ladenson

It was good to see Mike really laugh. He’s been the source of a lot of laughter the last few years, so it was good to see him partake as well.

Marvin Falz

It felt relieving and vitalizing to see Mike laugh whole-heartedly.
playdude92

This whole episode was a brain meltdown. A search for the least bit of redeeming quality in two flicks, one with zero remarkability, the other with zero coherence and care.

Jay and Mikes ability to make something out of that is astounding. Stil: Please talk about the movies and shows YOU care about. When theater releases value is zero, it´s time.
- Liquidus
  
  It’s fucking January. What were you expecting them to watch?
  - guy
    
    They review DVDs and VHSs all the time. Something good? Just once?
GT

Yeah, i was gonna say, that’s the first time I’ve heard Mike actually laugh at something!
Put the cookie down

Some sights in life are just so rare and beautiful, you can’t help but stare in amazement that you saw it at all. Mike laughing is one of those sights.
Cameron Ohara

Agreed! We love you, Mike! Laugh those sillys out!
Neal

The funniest part of this entire episode was watching Mike cracking up and saying “FUCK!”
Theo Huxtable

Strange chemistry between the two this episode. Seems like Mike probably got out of bed on the wrong side that day.
Arny

I’m getting the feeling of cumming when Mike laughs
- Ghost Bitch
  
  His or yours? I know it made me want to masturbate, nothing to do with being turned on by it, it was just a reminder that I wanted to anyway.
  - Steven
    
    um…
http://www.facebook.com/tengen.toppa.39 Tengen Toppa

What do you mean?

William Remmers

Mike laughed at the Incredible Hulk part as much as I did. Jay gets 10 points.

ObliviousMaximus

What, you guys didn’t care about Dutch in Predator? You can help but root for him after a 1/4 of the way through!!!

godawfull accent

If it bleeds ,we can kill it.

What

The real money is in dick and fart jokes.

Christopher Kulik

Bluntman & Chronic is still the best at ‘em.

Rex

I’m cumming day and night

godawfull accent

I’m cumming over here.
I’m cumming over there.
I’m cumming everywhere.
- snakes andert
  
  I need a hazmat suit.

antitrotskismo

>homosexuals
>not defined by what they like to fuck

come on fellas. come on.

Kyle

I don’t get what you are saying. Do you really think all gay men want to have sex with all other men? Do you want to have sex with all women? Even Hillary Clinton?
- Mendoza
  
  She’s top of my list…
  - presidente pullman
    
    you’re the true master king of bel-air

jazzjackrabbit

Not Another Teen Movie was pretty decent

DPBuccheri

I love this show, but please don’t make me look at Nick Swardsen ever again. My hatred for that thing runs so deep even the mere sight of him fills me with a weird rage that I cannot control. This is the only time I’ve ever wanted to turn one of these episodes off.

http://twitter.com/closedmouth Annabelle

Wow, Mike really looks like he doesn’t want to be here.

Marvin Falz

At the beginning of this episode I asked myself who is more bored: Mike and Jay or I. But then Jay’s enthusiasm conquered us all.
Chucky

I think Mike wants to be there, but the extra 40 pounds doesn’t. It’s a battle of wills between Mikey and his gut!
- Beer
  
  Beer

Anonymous

“I am Sam” is a spoof movie?

Of what, “Rainman”?

Harry Palm

It’s called a joke.

http://www.facebook.com/Panzergoob Jon Fite

I have an issue with Mike and Jay just trowing “Not Another Teen Movie” in with the rest of those spoof movies. “Not Another Teen Movie” was actually pretty decent from what I remember. I haven’t seen it in a long time though, so I may be wrong. But I remember the movie actually having proper jokes.

Christopher Kulik

I’m getting pussy no matter what / Even if it with dirty slut / True love is what I want the most / I just jerked off in your french toast! / So what if we have the same mother / Tonight I’m going to fuck my brother! (Damn, now that is whack!)

Kyle

Great episode. I was going to skip both of these anyway. I will say that while all the subsequent movies have been trash, Scary Movie is actually pretty good. It has real jokes and a story. Scary movie II was also decent. It was all downhill from there though. Mike, you should check them out sometime while drinking.

http://www.facebook.com/topher.hilberg Topher Hilberg

The “Story” of The Last Stand was pretty predictable but the moment to moment was fun. Jay gets it.

T Wal

Police Squad reference. Awesome.

David T.

That was great, now MAKE ANOTHER!

Roberto Feijoo

Holy fuck! Mike looked in actual pain in the haunted house movie part.

Well fuck you its January.

Christopher Kulik

Who is with me that Arnold’s best “performance” is still as CONAN THE BARBARIAN. First of all, it’s the only role where the accent fit the character. Second, director John Milius said if it wasn’t for Schwarzenegger, that they would have to “build him.” And, third, it’s the only movie in his resume where I actually forgot who is playing the lead: quite simply, HE IS CONAN.

http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

Nope. True Lies.
http://www.facebook.com/Panzergoob Jon Fite

Predator is easily his best performance in a movie.
- Sully
  
  I agree. I was gonna say Dutch, too, or maybe… maybe Matrix from Commando. He’s always better when the bullet to dialogue ratio leans heavier in favor of firearms.
  - http://www.facebook.com/Panzergoob Jon Fite
    
    Commando is probably his most hilarious performance. God I love that movie. It encompasses all that is great and all that is awful in an Arnold movie.
    - Sully
      
      Exactly! And next to Predator, it’s probably his most quotable film. Muscles, shitty dialogue, and big booms. It’s the how and why of his stardom.
    - JimTreacher
      
      Commando is the only Schwarzenneger movie I’ve seen where he runs. It’s great. He doesn’t know how. Maybe he ran in The Running Man, I can’t remember…
- Christopher Kulik
  
  I love both PREDATOR and COMMANDO, though in those he came off like a movie star spouting funny lines amidst absurd situations. CTB was a role the big guy was born for.
godawfull accent

COCAINUM.
- Steve
  
  Russians got a big kick out of that line, since it’s not a word in Russian.
SomeoneElseTookDude

No it was total recall all the way. GET YOUR ASS TO MARS
- http://twitter.com/Death_Ray Death_Ray
  
  Concur. The rest of you can die and go to Austrian weightlifter hell.
- Christopher Kulik
  
  Did anyone else note the irony that NASA’s Curiousity landed the exact same weekend of the release of the TOTAL RECALL remake?
  - Christopher Kulik
    
    Really? Just me?
Gus Baker

Nah, Predator, Conan was fun, but seriously, all his yelling and stuff was too funny. Predator was about as close to a real performance as you’ll get out of Conan.
Melultu Kibsu

I propose a movie in which Conan goes to mars and fights the predator. Oh shit they did that, it wasn’t so good. Nevermind.
bananna hammock

Honestly my favorite Schwarzenegger movies are the ones where there is absolutely no reason for the accent. No one mentions it, or ever tries to gloss it over. I am a cyborg from the future… with an Austrian accent. I think kindergarten cop mentions he was originally from Austria – and that’s it.

Also – last action hero is the most under-appreciated Schwarzenegger film.
cool

TOTAL RECALL?! How can everyone forget about that! Consider that a divorce, or My name is not Quaid! Man that was awesome!
Jim Campbell

That whole film is just prelude to the climactic scene, when the film’s worst actor ritually beheads the film’s best actor. It really wears its values on its sleeve.

mathon

do you two believe in the collective subconscious? I was just talking to my brother the other day about the star trek movie where Piccard shoots a gun in a bar and accidentally called it and UZI instead of a tommy gun…

Robby

When is the next Dudebros episode?

Robby

Damn, I think them talking about The Last Stand is the most I’ve ever seen Mike and Jay disagree about a movie.

Dwayne

Looks like Jay will be sleeping on the couch tonight.

Robby

While I do love your show, I wish you guys wouldn’t focus just on movies you know you’re going to dislike. I mean yeah, it’s the dog days of January, but you could have seen and reviewed Zero Dark Thirty.

guest

They don’t always focus on movies they know they’re going to disslike. You’d know this if you watched three or four episodes. Clearly with this one, they did it for the lolz.
- Robby
  
  Mike sounds miserable after seeing both these movies though. I don’t think he did it for the lolz. And yes, I have watched all of the episodes of Half in the Bag dozens of times. So I’m not missing the point.
Kathryn Bigelow

But robby, Zero Dark Thirty is terrrrrrrrible.

Burb

Mike can’t handle his little friend disagreeing with him. Look how uncomfortable it gets. He pouts for the rest of the review like a ba-ba.

Orraclles

they disagreed so much on last stand for the sake of entertainment.

Alex Three

Review Les Mis! I thought it was awful but it’s going to get 100 oscars…. Russell Crowe was hilariously bad. The first 5 minutes are a riot, like watching a middle school performance. The score is so quiet it’s like they’re singing acapella, but not holding a tune so it’s just awkward rap for no reason…

presidente pullman

it is too pretentious

flangert

I loved this one, but I think you guys could’ve mentioned something about Sacha being Jewish as well.

Socoral

Haha I Am Sam is a spoof movie. That is quite an interesting take.

http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

The Last Stand is great. It’s the best way to spend a few bucks on popcorn.

http://www.facebook.com/romeo.janavikas Romeo John Janavikas III

You guys finally corpse on camera. Awesome

E

Loved the final part with the Styrofoam. Good show guys. Saving world from bad movies one show at a time.

Captain Prickhard

Not enough drinking = Mike isn’t into another make-out session with Jay.

postmanblues

“the last stand” is what happens to good foreign filmmakers who find work in hollywood. big paychecks. bad movies.

i haven’t seen “a haunted house,” but i will defend marlon wayans. so far is the most talented member of the wayans family and has appeared in many non-wayans film/tv productions. he was one of the better actors in crappy films such as “g.i. joe,” “dungeons & dragons,” and “the ladykillers.” in “requiem for a dream,” he showed his potential but perhaps hollywood didn’t want him to be a dramatic actor. he used to be funny and had charisma but he’s waned in recently years.

i agree with some folks here. some recent spoof films have merit. these include “scary movie” 1 & 2 and “not another teen movie.” they’re not great, they have flaws, but they succeed to be real films (story, plot, character, etc.).

“scary movie” 3 & 4, “superhero movie,” “dance flick,” “shriek if you know what i did last summer” and the “comedies” of jason friedberg and aaron seltzer fail to build on the material they’re spoofing. they just steal story, plot, characters, and/or other elements (sometimes wholesale) and mix in established low-brow jokes and c-grade celebrities.

i must say some (not enough though) of the friedberg-seltzer “stuff” works and that’s only because the actors somehow rise above the material. alyson hannigan carries her scenes well in “date movie.” eddie griffin (who i don’t like) does a good job as her father. in “epic movie,” kal penn does a better job as edward than the kid in “the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe.” jayma mays is also good as lucy. in “disaster movie,” nicole parker and crista flanagan were funny.

it get the feeling parody/spoof movies are the new horror films. people decry the level of violence in horror films, but do the same violence in a “comedy” and no one seems to care.

yawn

tl,dr

TheCuckold

I can’t remember where it is, but during The Last Stand review Jay and Mike each said “part time” once or twice. They should have edited in the two clips of Harrison Ford saying that in the Crystal Skull trailer/movie.

Benzo

In that clip of Borat @ 30:59, that’s the Digimon noise! Y’know the digivolving noise that the things make. That made me laugh more than anything from A Haunted House.

David T

Did Mike’s cat die or something?

AndyAndLanaWackingchosky

Keep ignoring Cloud Atlas fuckers and you won’t get the matrix movies in 3D

presidente pullman

i just want plinkett to review them

Jakoporeeno

Best spoof movie is still “Fuck off, Ghost!”

Guest

I prefer “Don’t be a Menace”.

Devil_Dinosaur

I stopped cumming.

godawfull accent

I stopped cumming over here.
I stopped cumming over there.
I stopped cumming everywhere.

cacalips

EPIC REVIEW!

Rock Hardon

I love how Mike totally breaks character and they decide to just keep filming and then keep it.

godawfull accent

What character?

Dr-G0nz0

End of Days is the only film I class Arnie actually acting… a little.

Xerxes

You guys talked about Kim Ji-Woon making an action movie and mentioned everything except The Good, The Bad, The Weird?

skine

Absolutely loved the mention of Police Squad! (In Color). One of my favorite scenes (other than the locksmith scene) can be found by searching for Police Squad Name Confusion on YouTube.

Anyways, in order for me to consider something to be a spoof or parody, it has to make a comment on the original movie. It can’t just be a remake with fart jokes.

Guest

I was laughing at the Borat clips, time to give that movie a second watch.

godawfull accent

I still did not manage to watch that movie.

I did watch the original show.

HumorHistorian

Marlon Wayans stole that “There’s a ghost, we should GTFO.” joke from Eddie Murphy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai_wsBeS0EA

qwerty

Oh, and which movie did murphy do that one in
- Guest
  
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Murphy_Raw
http://www.facebook.com/flashjack Jack Andrew Chapman

He should have done the same thing in “The Haunted Mansion”

gaylord

…I enjoyed ”not another teen movie” it was.. ok.

dennett316

I agree….it certainly doesn’t belong alongside the ranks of Date/Disaster/Epic Movie. Hell, even Scary Movie 1 and 3 were pretty decent.

John Yaya

Just when I thought Mike was having a particularly bad day, he breaks out in laughter. Loved it.

That Police Squad clip was freakin’ hilarious too.

theryanpaul

You should Half in the Bag “John Dies at the End” Think Fight Club meets Big Trouble in Little China. Just enough schlock for awesome and mostly real effects! In fact! Do a review of Big Trouble in Little China, Such a great film!

Benedict from Shrewsbury

I even watched the ad at the end to show my appreciation

I hope all these reviews are ultimately building up to you guys producing another movie?

Cyvaris

The two of you…doing a parody/reference movie. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

WRL

Imagine half of the spoof roles played by Chris Evans.
- Cyvaris
  
  When will this be in cinemas!?!?!

capitandelespacio

“Half In The Bag… Fuck January!” -Mr. Plinkett

m0r1arty

Effing Care Boars!!!!

godawfull accent

I support the idea of Jay making a parody of parody movies.

It’s gonna be great.

snakes andert

It’s gonna be great.
- Chip
  
  ..tss tsst …it’s gonna be great or somethin’.. tss ts..
  - SamRobertsPubes
    
    O & A should interview Mike & Jay …. it’d be cool to hear them rip on movies…
- ZMAN1119
  
  Your now listening to the music.
- Jorge Lucias
  
  It’s gonna be great.
Astor

a parody of a parody? that sounds like poetry to me, like they rhyme! Every stanza would kinda rhyme with the last one…

dudeman3000

is mike depressed?

James

You guys really don’t know why there is an overly homosexual white guy and a racist white guy in this movie (and most movies and tv shows?) Think of the age group that sees these movies. They are portraying them that way to break the confidence and spirit of young whites and forever perpetuate bullshit guilt onto a new generation who had nothing to do with it. When will these tactics end? When white children are born hanging from the balls of a black man? 2deep4u

you idiot

WHITE POWER!

What I meant to say was GO FUCK YOUR SELF !

2deep4u more like 2narowminded4life
John Doe

You guys really don’t know why there is always some racist white dude defending the down trodden white male on the internet…or a racist black guy defending the down trodden black male on the internet…think of the age group that reads the comments.They are portraying the opposite side as being the cause of all their misfortune when in fact fear and out right ignorance is the main cause of their problems,while the smarter dudes ,no matter their background are much cleverer with deeper and broader vision ,which helps them climb out of that stupid ass neanderthal cave man bullshit and build their future.When will the children learn not to listen to some ignorant assholes trying to sound smart when in fact they are peddling some stupid ass propaganda from which only the wicked and corrupt profit,while they fight for some ideology that belongs in the dustbin of history.The south lost,the union is preserved.Move on.

It ‘s not about race you ignorant fuck.But if you want to live like an animal,go ahead,it’s your free will.
Bob Sacamano

Looks like someone got a hold of the internet and came across some idiot page with a black background and red lettering talking all about how whites are the new minority and blah, fucking, blah. We know it’s because you grew up unpopular and you found a way to group up with someone and use hate as a way to feel more powerful. Finding racism in everything and pointing your finger isn’t going to make you hate yourself less.
- niggerlover
  
  He’s probably a faggot who can’t accept the fact he yearns for some black cock up in his ass.See “When white children are born hanging from the balls of a black man?”
  
  Nothing against homosexually inclined people,they are at least honest about it and I don’t care about which way they swing,there’s nothing wrong with that.It’s just that James is a scared asshole who can’t deal with his homosexual tendencies.You know,a faggot.
John Q.

Correct, lol you upset some loose sphincters with that fact.
- niggerlover
  
  Aww ,look at you trying to sound all enlightened and shit…aint that cute…
spacelizzard

There are some idiots showing up in these comment sections of the interwebs…must be because of all them chemtrails…
SIEG HEIL !

SIEG HEIL ! SIEG HEIL ! SIEG HEIL !
Mane

There are times when I doubt my intelligence since I do stupid shit from time to time …but then I read some really weak ass shit being peddled as some supposed deep insight and I realize I am all right…
Zach Lacosse

tits
Mark Bisone

The urban market stole my TV once.

dan wright

you guess need to have a disaster movie, epic movie, vampire suck marathon i need to see your reactions

Muscle-Horse

Review Les Mis you whores!

Alex Humphrey

Mike is drunk because no one can watch those movies without getting very, very drunk.

http://www.facebook.com/lori.cerny.7 Lori Cerny

Jay –

Create a kick starter fund for your upcoming “parody of parodies” film, then give each donator Assistant Producer credit on IMDb!

Really fun episode, by the way!

http://twitter.com/bbhaver2 bbhaver

Here comes Arnold !
Great episode guys !

Bobo

So when is “Poop in the Pants” coming out?

Regular Joe

Bobo,what’s your facebook password ?
- http://twitter.com/thenewloon The Loon
  
  you have to pretend to be a chick to get his password

SomeoneElseTookDude

The next Half in the Bag is going to open with Jay face down in a pool of blood

http://www.facebook.com/alexander.austrine Alexander Austrine

MIke, Jay. The fucking Blip isn’t working, it’s just a still frame, with painted buttons. Staring at me. Maybe it’s stylistically designed that way, or something…

Buck Rawgers

It seems like everyone is getting a hard on over this movie, but agree with everything Mike said. I thought I was crazy since it seemed like every review I saw was positive. The acting in this was terrible by every single actor and I hated how dumb the FBI was at every turn.

Buck Rawgers

and yeah, everyone saying this is a fun action movie is fucking high too. I spent this whole movie basically face palming and shaking my head. There was no tension and just like Mike said, it was all just a by the numbers movie that did nothing new.

ava_81

Great episode guys. Loved the discussion at the end. I wish you guys could do an episode every week. I know its impossible, but I seriously love Half in the Bag.

KEZD

Is that the actual gun-cocking sound they used in the movie at 23:16?

fuckyouitsjanuary

Great episode, thanks!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1250067032 Nelson Kaiton

What’s this? Mike laughs?

Chad from Chad

>jews are a race

I don’t think so Mike

Proph

Jews are a race, and a religion, that was spread across the globe, and returned to their land as prophesied.
- gobacktoschool
  
  Jews are a race same as Irish are a race or the French or ze Germanz.
  
  But yeah,let’s just paint the world in some ignorant white and black mentality why complicate things.It’s easier this way,no need to think.

Meepo

Jay is the opposite of Samson, once freed from the grip of his neckbeard he is talkative and lively, the beard was holding him back!

Chucky

So the only joke in Haunted House is directly ripped off from Eddie Murphy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpPdgrr5diM

::fart noise::

Chucky

Never mind. Humor Historian beat me to it.

trexation

love to see mike crack up

Kantorek

Mike’s done got himself one of those hip and happening new haircuts.

L A Webley

So it’s been confirmed that J.J. Abrams will direct Star Wars VII.

capitandelespacio

AWMYGAAAAAWD!
- L A Webley
  
  Apparently so. The trouble is, if the movie turns out great, then the inevitable Plinkett review will suffer. The best thing about the prequels being so bad was the wealth of awful stuff Mike could rip into.
  - Meester Smeeth
    
    If the movie turns out great, we’ll get a review where Plinkett points out everything that Abrams did right, like with the Star Trek review. Either that or it wont need a Plinkett review at all, and that’s fine.
    
    If he’s gonna do another Sci-Fi review just to tear a film apart, Prometheus has been waiting for eight months. Or is it nine months? Or is it longer? However long Prometheus has been out, that’s how long it’s been waiting to get bitch-slapped with Plinkett’s bitch-dick. IT MUST BE DONE.
    
    HEY! MIKE! I know you weren’t totally (not totally) impressed with it to begin with, but open your fucking eyes and pull your finger out. There’s pickin’s to be… pickin’d.
    - L A Webley
      
      Well said.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/Jubal-Biggs/686455551 Jubal Biggs
      
      Couldn’t agree more, Mr. Smeeth. I doubt it will happen. I personally think the guys have been pushed to do Prometheus by too many people and don’t want to for that reason. I have to say as a personal thing; NO film since Phantom Menace has pissed me off the way Prometheus did. Not a single one, and a lot of it has to do with how freaking seriously it takes itself; which is why Plinkett would be SO perfect… Alas…
    - http://twitter.com/VaughnFry Vaughn Fry
      
      Indiana Jones 4 is a close second, but Prometheus made me so furious that I had to give up reviewing movies.
    - zeitguest
      
      damn straight. it could be so fantastic. aside from all the dumbth in the film, there’d be plenty of opportunity for comparison to other alien movies, classics like Forbidden Planet and Planet of the Vampires… I am keeping the faith they’re doing it. (and I believe this based on uh…. that I believe it…)
      
      however longbit takes to make a kickass plinkett review of prometheus, absolutely take that time, I prefer supercool later to okay now.
    - Meester Smeeth
      
      It’s a bit of an easy target, I guess, being that there really is so much wrong with it, and that’s before you even get into the bloated pig’s ear that was the marketing campaign.
      I suppose one thing to take into account is that Mike Stoklasa was a big fan of Star Trek and Star Wars, something which drove him to review the TNG films and the prequels.
      If he doesn’t have a similar love for the Alien universe that he does for ST and SW then he might think why bother?
      But then again, if Baby’s Day Out and Cop Dog are worth his time… even if it’s just for a laugh, even if it’s just to point out how stupid Prometheus’ haters are for some reason, I NEED to hear Plinkett’s opinion on the matter because I have no life.
Meester Smeeth

No fucking way! Is that true?? Awesome!!!
yeah right hahahahaha

It’s going to be great.
- ZMAN1119
  
  Everything will be so dense.

Anonymouse

I felt like Harley Quinn when Batman Laughed: scared.

jack

what if the mandalorians played mandolin while speaking mandarin?

http://twitter.com/Death_Ray Death_Ray

It looks like The Last Stand really took a lot out of Mike. He could barely fight Jay’s enthusiasm.

skagboy

I think this is the first time I see you, guys disagreeing on so much while talking about one movie.

J

I think Parody movies have officially reached the point where they are parody material themselves.

Let the meta-fuckery begin

Gus Baker

Geez, what is with you two getting all bent out of shape about gay jokes? I’m certainly not defending this movie or “That’s My Boy” (haven’t seen either), but you’re OFFENDED by them? Didn’t realize you two were so sensitive, is there something you two funboys want to tell us?

JimTreacher

I think they’re offended more that it’s not actually jokes. It’s just “this guy is gay” over and over.
- Gus Baker
  
  Possibly, I just found it strange that two guys who’s show is full of raunch, and likely there are actors and directors who have hung themselves after the (wonderful) drubbing these two guys gave their films, yet they consider a gay joke crossing some line.
  - JimTreacher
    
    Again, I think they’re more offended by the lack of an actual joke.
  - redletterjay
    
    As we say in the episode, we’re not opposed to offensive humor. It’s the lack of even the smallest amount of thought that’s the offensive part.
    - Gus Baker
      
      I understand now, thanks.
    - Zach Lacosse
      
      Jay. One day, I’d love to send you a script or hire you as a consultant if I get into filmmaking.
      
      ALSO PRAISE JAY OUR LORD AND SAVIOR
    - Marvin Falz
      
      lol

ForwardEarth

I wish you would wash the Lucas blood off the wall.

JimTreacher

I’m grateful for the reminder.

john fell

Very profound to see the moment when all this bullshit finally breaks Mike’s mind. Jay’s a trooper and is maybe a little desensitized but the Movie movie thing finally overcomes Mike’s already fragile grip on sanity.

JimTreacher

I don’t blame Mike for getting even drunker than usual. He’s drinking to forget he just saw a Marlon Wayans movie.

ZMAN1119

Awesome job as always. Consistently funny and smart, you guys belong on HBO. And mike, nice to see you actually laugh.

sweetsadness

Mike, go and see a doctor. I think you’re suffering from clinical depression. On the plus side: new haircut? Nice.

Rich_Evans_Fans

Good show.

Great job Jay, I do enjoy your commentary.

Cheer up Mike, you have thousands of people who love your work and buy your stuff. You’ve got a lot more love towards you than most get. Keep up the good work.

Rick Rickerson

Where did Mike’s beard go to?

Rick Rickerson

Fuck. Jay’s beard.
Damn it.
Mark Bisone

You mean Jessi?

B0ttleneck

Yo dudes, love the show, but watching episodes back to back is like watching ‘Attack of Jay and Mike’s jowls’ or ‘The Revenge of Jay and Mike’s beer guts’.

Point is, you two kids are getting mad pudgy. Time to get your asses on low-carb/high-protein diet asap!

some fat fuck

This is true, they are getting a bit fatter. That said, most of us get fatter as we get older.
because

Beer.

True men are not gay by being concerned with their looks.

KarlosBarbarosa

Mike, Jay and RICH MOTHERFUCKING EVANS are cool as fuck.

Bassbait

I really enjoyed the new segment. You guys should make that a more integral part of the episodes.

Marvin Falz

Next episode drill holes in your heads.

William Shakesman

Mike was overwhelmed by Jay’s opinion. A world first!

Ashen

You guys have totally missed the chance to insert fake digital blood splatters in the sequence at the end.

Bassbait

In order for you guys to make “Spoof Movie”, you’re going to need to establish some ground rules -

1.Any celebrity who has done anything in the past 3 years must be spoofed with a look-alike. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM

2.You must keep the amount of actual jokes below 6. Preferably zero to one.

3.The plot must be condensed to a really minimal amount of things that happen. Then, every 10 to 20 minutes must be a complete interruption for a pop culture reference. Said reference should completely take over the film to the point where you forget what movie you’re even watching. Maybe a Jersey Shore spoof? That’s popular with the kids these days.

4.Gay rights are the big thing right now. Homosexual characters must be in the film, they must be stereotyped, they must be made fun of. Preferably in very uncreative ways. Also spend some time making fun of immigrants.

5.Fart “jokes” must take at least 51% of the run time.

This is all obvious. But it must be done.

Check your facts

Wait….in the first review there’s a keyboard under Mike’s beer, but in the second review it’s gone!

What a plot hole!

http://www.facebook.com/daren.coleman Daren Oliver Coleman

I disagree with one point i think the modern spoof started with “Don’t Be A Menace In South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood” and not with “Scary Movie”

guest

You’re totally wrong. That movie wasn’t a huge hit like Scary Movie. All the terrible spoof movies they’re talking about are direct descendants of the Scary Movie formula, right down to the “________ Movie” title.
- shitballs
  
  Yeah, right down to the _________ Movie title. Just like the title of the spoof movie they review in this episode, “A Haunted House.” You fucking moron.
  - Check your facts
    
    When I saw a commercial for it, it said “A Haunted House” (from the makers of Scary Movie)
    
    So yeah – the title doesn’t matter. They’re going to notify you somehow that it’s related.

日本の女の子

Maiku-kun! Jei-kun!
私たちはあなたをとても愛して!!!

Zach Lacosse

i agree
Mark Bisone

What? Godzilla’s attacking the city??
Well then get the fuck out of there, man!

Chris Soldano

Mike should know better than to look for some deep meaning in a Schwarzenegger movie. I love Schwarzenegger but it’s for the fun action not the meaning of life.

joejoe

Does your brain not work properly? He explicitly states that he’s NOT looking for deep meaning in a movie like this… he’s just looking for fun action and, in his opinion, the action wasn’t fun. Did you even watch the episode?

IamSMERT

Kudos to Jay for shaving that patchy shit.

http://www.facebook.com/deathtomayo Billy Whitman

Lol, Why the Greeley Estates poster?

Exverlobter

The Expendables was great, guys!

Gimgonggangieman

I look forward to Poop in the Pants, the least painful movie of January 2014!

Tathum

No idea if you guys read these it not, but if Jay ever has the inkling to watch an actual, funny spoof movie, I suggest the Cheap Detective with Peter Falk in a sendup of some of the best movies of the 70′s. I’d also recommend, Murder by Death, penned by the same writer, Neil Simon, but its more of a character and literary spoof instead of a movie parody…

http://suburbanpatriot.wordpress.com SuburbanPatriot

Mike was totally wasted like 2/3rds of the way through this one.

http://www.facebook.com/treknologist Clifford T. Hall

Was I the only one who made my own fart noises between every spoken line in the second half of this episode?

http://www.facebook.com/derrick.cryderman Derrick Cryderman

I cant wait for poop in the pants the movie

Bazz

u guys need to find some of those breakable bottles they use for movies, just for such occasions

but plz wear eye protection

Pixelsmack

GET A JOB SO WE DON’T HAVE TO SUFFER AD EMBEDS YOU LAZY FUCKS.

Smackpixel

GET ADBLOCK SO WE DON’T HAVE TO SUFFER STUPID COMMENTS YOU LAZY FUCK..
- guest
  
  Going along with my previous statement, the more people that use adblock, the less money RLM makes. The less money RLM makes, the more and more likely it is for them to stop making videos for you all together.
  - http://twitter.com/kzap333 Andrew Coleman
    
    WRONG! The way Adblock works is the advertisers never know their ad is blocked so if they were paying for every view the video gets. they’d still pay out even if everyone used adblock.
    If they’re paying by the click then if you weren’t going to ever click the advert (and seriously who does?) then it doesn’t make a difference.
    - KnowsWhatThey’reTalkingAbout
      
      As someone who works for one of the biggest internet companies and works with both search and display advertising – that’s absolutely false. Adblock does not trigger an impression for ad positions that it blocks. Many display ads these days are not pay-per-click but pay-per-impression, as they simply want you to see the ad (a click would be a bonus). So blocking ads absolutely hurts site revenue and even traffic quality ratings of sites, which means the site is likely to get less revenue for the people who DON’T block ads because their site’s quality rating goes down as ads vanish into the mist when scheduled to be served there, and reported impression numbers are lower than they should be.
      
      It’s actually a really bad thing you do to websites when you adblock them. It’s little better than software piracy if you think about it. Rationalize it all you want, blame the advertisers, blame the sites, but it’s your choice to take revenue away from the people serving you content for free.
    - b
      
      Fuck you .I will adblock the shit out of the internet.
- Pixelsmack
  
  Oh? Ohhhhhhh.
guest

If they got other jobs, they wouldn’t have time to make videos for you, genius.

kingofmadcows

Those “parody” movies should really be called reference movies. They basically just mention things that are in pop culture. It’s like watching actors reenact an episode of Entertainment Tonight.

http://profiles.google.com/jmkentington John Kent

When you describe all the “convenient” things in this movie, you are describing Hot Fuzz.

http://profiles.google.com/jmkentington John Kent

When is “Poop in the Pants” going to be released?

Charlie

First movie sounds a lot like the Lethal Weapon movies; A character that complains he is “too old for this,” ending with a fist fight, silly one liners.

Also, I’m happy whenever you point out some movie recommendations like I saw the Devil. I usually look them up on Netflix immediately after you do.

Nelson

“Eyeraq”? Really, guys…

Jim_Profit

Yes you guys are hipsters. Sorry but it’s true.

Marcus Jones

Is it just me or is this movie really just a Steven Seagal Movie without Steven Seagal? I mean it’s got the 3 word/syllable title. A main character that just happens to be an Ex-Something or other versus a supposedly unstoppable foreign enemy. It sounds like it was written for him 20 or 30 years ago and just got mothballed until Arnold came out of retirement looking to repair his image.

StrawberryJarJarCake

20 or 30 years? Segal makes 2 of those a year and they go straight to video
- Marcus Jones
  
  Holy crap, you’re right! I thought his career as a aging overweight Sharif in Louisiana was the end of his acting, but it might have just been research for this role!

Shapopi

Why are the wall bleeding?

bananna hammock

The Leslie Nielson clip made me laugh as hard as mike was in the clip! I’m off too watch the naked gun.

rashad1

ok I love you guys but go fuck yourselves A Haunted house was funny just like the first 2 Scary movies by the wayans bros the rest where cheap rip offs by other people.

guest

“A Haunted house was funny just like the first 2 Scary movies” – said no intelligent person ever.

Mark Bisone

Jay, if you make a parody of spoof movies, call it “Buy Some Popcorn, You Fuck!”

Zach Lacosse

MARK BISONE YOU FUCK

YOU BOUGHT SOME POPCORN AT THE CEDAR VALLEY CENTRAL CINEMA NEW JOIWSEY

I KNOW IT BECAUSE

I SOLD IT TO YOUUUU
- Mark Bisone
  
  No, that was my identical fraternal twin in Drag, Jill Bisone.

Boggerman

Actually Scare Movie was not the first spoof movie. The first one were Ghettoblaster.

Handsome Pete

There are five phases of Schwarzenegger. First is the pre-fame phase with Pumping Iron and Hercules In New York; then the peak phase with Conan The Barbarian, The Terminator, and Predator; then the superstar phase with Total Recall, Kindergarten Cop, and Terminator 2; then the decline phase with Junior, Jingle All The Way, and Batman & Robin; and finally the post-fame phase with The Expendables and The Last Stand.

Mark Bisone

Jay, if you liked Jee-woon Kim’s past stuff (and action movies in general), you should definitely give “The Good, The Bad and The Weird” a watch. The whole film is excellent, but the final chase scene involves horses, jeeps, tanks, explosions, real stunts and a level of constant awesomeness that surpasses both the truck scene in Raiders and the tank scene in Last Crusade.

Vincendt

Bitches ain´t shit

Happy Hipocrite

So you guys don’t like The Expendables, huh? Kind of makes me glad that I don’t know anything about the actual process of movie making. Ignorance is bless!

Mark Bisone

You mean “bliss”, Gilligan.

Gallahalt

Mike and Jay should totally do something similar to rifftrax. It’d be a real blast to hear them riffing on something like these spoof movies as you watch them.

Mister_Misinformed

they did for Star Wars Episode I

http://twitter.com/LordYanLiang Ron Fair

Can we get a clip just of Mike attacking Jay with the styrofoam, and
his awkward yet strangely intense assaults, and his stupid fucking face,
and those spitting, grunting expletives as the little foam boards break apart? I swear to god, I’m in tears just from that whole thing.

http://twitter.com/RetroGamerRantn Twitch

Mel Brooks, ware are you when we need you? Great Review guys.

Max

I would pay to see the “Fart poop in the pants”, the movie.

Brendan Long

This is actually one of my favorite episodes for some reason.. Seriously, it’s amazing.

Bob

Loved the discussion on what makes a parody good. I’m a huge fan of Airplane and The Naked Gun films, and it’s sucked that so many parody films can’t duplicate what those films have achieved.

Duarte Boventura

I liked this review a lot. I wish you guys would do more reviews of awful movies, instead of movies that we already know you’re going to love like Django Unchained. That way, when you give a movie a good review, its unexpected and it makes me really want to see the movie. Like Dredd, I thought it was going to be terrible, but you guys’ review convinced me to see it and now I’m really happy I did, its one of the best movies I saw last year. Plus its more funny and entertaining when you trash talk on bad movies.

HaydnHarry

The South Park episode ‘Startled’ is a good example of parody when it’s funny, awesome Randy episode

http://www.facebook.com/mark.longden Mark Longden

The “black people would leave a haunted house” joke was much better when it was 30 seconds of Eddie Murphy’s standup 30 years ago.

deerstop

As for me, I love Schwarz in every role

drhploveboat

I thought Cedric The Entertainer was dead….

no really, I thought he was dead….

Maddison

that’s bernie mac YOU RACIST

AJ

Poop In The Pants: The Movie. Take my money NOW!

SomeoneElseTookDude

When does Poop in the Pants come out on RLM?

Kevin

It saddens me that I enjoyed white chicks

S G

There ought to be a law regarding “80s-style” action flicks. If you want to do a movie like that, you should be obligated to use real squibs. Is it really just a question of $$s or are these filmmakers too dumb to see how those PlayStation-intro-looking bloodspurts ruin the experience? Just look at those silly Expendables-movies… Stallone *really* should know better, having starred in a movie that had some of the best squibwork since “Wild Bunch”. (First Blood Part 2).

Al

Jay and Mike you fucks! You got your lousy sardonic and dry jokes from The Complete Retard’s Guide to Irony and Sarcasm from The Discount Self Help Book Rack in Joizee! I know because I SOLD IT TO YOU!!!

MonkeyKing1969

For a story to be a story, it must consist of a character being changed by events of the story. Stories maybe multi-faceted with multiple events, the story might use literary devices & tropes in a specific way through a spectacular perspective, but the story is created only from a character being changed by an event or events. It is not enough for characters to exist or events to occur to or around them. Those are not stories; they are merely situations. They may be attention-grabbing situations with compelling characters thinking and saying interesting things, but they are just situations. Yet, even the best situation is not a story. Something has to happen, and through that some character has to change because of it.

If we use that idea against any movie – Haunted House, Screw Balls, Transformers 2, or even 2001: A Space Odyssey we can easily see which have stories and which do not. We can also start to see where some films slide into showing more situations they story…cough cough Micheal Bay.

I think we can easily say that Haunted House is full of situations, but very few of them add together to make a story

Mister_Misinformed

Jay at 12:05: “Is that what you are when you recommend good movies? That automatically makes you a hipster? [...] I just enjoy watching movies that don’t suck.” Followed by recommending we spend our money on watching “The Last Stand.”

guest

Did you miss the part where he says the movie is enjoyable because of how bad it is? Or when he says he wouldn’t recommend paying to see it in a theater?

Don’t complain merely for the sake of complaining. It just makes you look stupid.
- Mister_Misinformed
  
  Knee-jerk defensiveness makes you look quite thoughtful on the other hand.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1232373580 Jack O’tears

Aside from the special effects, like you mention and most movies suffer from these days, this reminded me of the classic 80s Arnie films that followed the same old formula. I had to agree that the return to the simplicity of the era where action films tried to be nothing more than excuses to be action films. It was classic Arnie and I loved it for that reason alone.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1232373580 Jack O’tears

Yeah, guys, *I* could have reviewed this movie for you without bothering to have seen it. There was nothing in the trailers that would have made me want to see this … I guess we should thank you for taking one for the team … but we would have forgiven you for giving it a pass.

On another note MaMa was pretty awesome, with only a few minor issues, you really should have spent your time with that.

penis_butt

I like that you’re dropping the “storyline” more and actually doing movie reviews. This is a positive development.

Dictarium

Someone should definitely make a kickstarter for “Fart, Poop in the Pants: The Movie”.

http://www.facebook.com/brandon.long.775 Brandon Long

I like the new segment, i couldn’t stop laughing.

Jorge Locas

Walk Hard is a good spoof.

2 boners worth

I second that

http://www.facebook.com/dennis.cornetta.5 Dennis Cornetta

Oh my gaaaaahd Jay broke Mike!

Harveysbro

I’m trying to figure out which beer that is with the green label I cant seem to find it anywhere

Robert

Its like Independence Day but not as good or well done but it was just as unoriginal.

http://twitter.com/madhi19 John G

You got to do Slap Shot.

http://www.facebook.com/dunn.ace Lewis Dunn

Please make Fart, Poop in the Pants: The Movie with the level of production values in your parody cutaway stuff. It would be hilarious.

Fartliker

I laughed at the fart when you guys made comments about the lowest common denominator

http://www.facebook.com/andre.r.dias Andre Ricoy Dias

fuck you, it’s February!

arjumand

Love that Police Squad line!

My favourite comes from the Airplane movies:

“Surely you can’t be serious?”

“I AM serious. And don’t call me Shirley.” I miss you, Leslie Nielsen.

Anon

Personally I only like good parody, and the only way you can make a good parody is if you have an unending love or an unending hate for a film or whole genre.

Koreish

What you guys don’t seem to understand is that all these spoof movies are leading up to a spoof movie of the spoof movies. All of these movies are building up to that and that my friends is the construction of a great joke. /s

http://www.facebook.com/BlackLight777uk Steve Ashton Baker

Movie 43 review is your best to date.

http://twitter.com/IcelandicHossi Hossi Blumengaarten

movies freaking SUCK ASS

gæst

I would love to see “Poop in the pants: the movie” please make that movie!

http://twitter.com/Mrderpking Colin motter

I would watch Jay’s movie

http://www.facebook.com/TharosTheDragon Kyle Delaney

The only one of those movies I’ve seen is Meet the Spartans. It had exactly the kinds of things Jay was talking about. At least it also had a few actual jokes though.

Aaron

I liked the Expendables movies

Sigh

Fuck Nick Swardson, talentless fucker.

TioSamuel

Poop in the Pants: The Movie would be #1 at the box office on opening weekend. Write it Jay.

http://www.facebook.com/griffin.bain Griffin Bain

They could use the money to finish Space Cop.

DillonMcDougald

…Has anyone ever noticed that Mike looks a lot like Sips’ avatar from the Yogscast? Because frankly, the resemblance is uncanny…

Brian

“Hey look! Pikachu just got eaten by Garfield! Then Garfield had to go see Raplh the Dog at the veterinarian’s Hospital when he got electrocuted! And Ralph the Dog said, “I guess it’s pointless to try shock therapy! : D”

http://www.facebook.com/Rbblock Reuben Isuck Andsodoyou

Is it only me who thinks Steve looks like a plumber, more hairy Vin Diessel?

thomas

The sudden exposure to hitting someone over the head cause Mike to suddenly become his alter ego, Mr. Plinkett.

john

I’m with Mike on this one I couldn’t tell if they were really trying to be funny or not but the movie definitely fell flat. Only entertaining part was Arnold. But I’m a fan of his.