Half in the Bag: The Conjuring, Only God Forgives, Blue Jasmine, and THINGS

October 7, 2013653 Comments

Jay and Mike find Plinkett to be the new roommate of an old friend as they discuss some movies they saw over the summer, as well as an old piece of trash called Things.

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Filed in: General UpdatesHalf in the Bag

  • Tyler AitchKay

    “Cactch” up?

  • Lucas Mass

    That’s a very nice spelling of Catch

  • Lori Cerny

    Sweet vid, guys!

    • http://twitter.com/ahm Avery

      Wow, and it was only posted 5 minutes ago! You watched it fast!

      • TapewormBike

        Well, they always make sweet vids, so it’s a safe bet.

        • Lori Cerny

          Yet, as of 2 P.M., I’m still the only one who ‘Flattrd” their hard work…. baffling that they aren’t more appreciated.

          • ident

            I flatter them with attention.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        That’s not the only thing he’s fast at.

  • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    Finally!

  • CalamityCorp

    When’s the next Plinkett review, you sellout hack frauds?!!

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I’m more concerned about how much further down the pants in your thumbnail are gonna go.

      • ident

        Yeah, you keep it super trim, CalamityCorp. Do you wax it yourself or get a pro?

  • Marvin Falz

    46 minutes long! Great!

    • 50 Shades of Sasha Grey

      From now on when somebody uses the phrase “…like a redheaded stepchild” I’m forever going to think of your picture

      • Marvin Falz

        Ironic considering I’m neither redheaded nor a stepchild.

        • Percy Gryce

          I dunno. Looks pretty close to me.

          • Marvin Falz

            Well, I guess you all pick up on something real but I don’t want to talk about me in this webzone. I should probably change my pic. Thanks though for giving me this piece of information.

          • Percy Gryce

            I seem to recall you tried changing your pic once, but obviously it didn’t take.

            So stand tall, dude. We’re just giving you a hard time.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_sgmQDU3Rs

          • Marvin Falz

            Oh, the disqus dashboard didn’t show the pic of the redhead. Yes, looks pretty close. You’re right, I changed my pic once in the spirit of humor but Heidi the mountain bitch didn’t quite resonate. Standing tall.

  • TapewormBike

    New HitB – I think my orgasm just came.

    • ThomasHFoolery

      i think your redundancy repeated itself

  • Collin

    THE DOLL DISAPPEARED!!! WATCH OUT!!!!

  • Dave’s Hat

    You hacks had better continue making Plinkett & Palpie as a sitcom, it’s easily the best thing on this site. I expect a new episode tomorrow.

    • Now I Get It

      I get that they’re an odd couple, but which was the gay one?

  • https://twitter.com/theericlarson Obscure Cactus

    this isn’t about GRAVITY you FUCKS

  • AssBustre

    Thanks for the spoilers, you asshats.

    • ident

      Welcome to HITB. Expect more of the same.

  • Roger Sarvis

    The main “actor” in things also does these really gory fake snuff film type movies. Lots of torture and rape.

  • Austen Mengler

    Thanks for spoiling Only God Forgives! :(

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Will you forgive them, or does only god forgive?

  • Kenny

    I love Rich Evans’ Mayor McCheese cosplay.

    • Percy Gryce

      I was thinking Mayor of Munchkinland, but you nailed it.

  • Wasperheimer

    I liked The Conjuring too, it’s a great film, though the possessed doll looked bit too over the top.

  • Memoman

    Allright! Half In The Bag is back! And I even saw one of the movies in it!

    I saw Only God Forgives and I really liked it. I saw it as a third chapter in the Nicolas Winding Refn study of the fighting monk. An archetype that he loves and has chosen Ryan Gosling as its poster boy. That’s aesthetics, but the truth is that Gosling excels in both Drive and Only God Forgives. The first movie of said trilogy being Valhalla Rising.

    It was slower, it took it’s time getting to it’s point, but as a third act of a trilogy, that’s a liberty it’s earned with it’s faithful audience. And as any worthy third act in a tragedy, it was more dense in lore, deeper in moral implications and slower to engulf us in its universe with the consequences of a fighting monk failing to stay true to his way: Hell.

    Oh, and thanks for the spoiler alert on Blue Jasmine.

    • Lemon Aidez

      Are you sure it wasn’t just a movie about a weirdo wanting to fuck his mom with his hands?
      Actually saw the movie, but Jay’s explanation of it makes more sense to me than anything else.

      • TapewormBike

        I liked Drive and I really enjoyed all three Pushers. Only God Forgives for me was a bit like the Matrix sequels, where I had to realize that the creators have certain tricks they rely on and it can get really overbearing. Gossling was great in Half Nelson and Blue Valentine, but in this he is (as pointed out by Jay) mostly staring and not acting. He looks hella cool on posters and stills,, but that is the extent of the performance. It is visually striking, but simple allegory about being torn between good and evil and wanting to stick your dick in your mommas pussy real bad.

        • TapewormBike

          Oh and Scott Thomas was actually really awesome, I hope she can now stop mopping the floor at the nearest Wal – Mart.

        • Percy Gryce

          I liked him in Green Lantern.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Oh, you’re thinking of Ryan Reynolds, the other Canadian actor that is in Hollywood movies.

            Oh, wait, you were doing a thing…

          • ident

            He did do a thing. The thing was done. And it was clearly a thing from the outset since no one would could unironically like anything about Green Lantern.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            I liked when the chick knew it was him even with the mask on. The rest was shit, which is an understatement.

          • Cameron Vale

            Well I liked that part, in addition to the part where Hal and his pal flee the crashed UFO with the lantern when they realize the authorities are coming, and the final battle between Green Lantern and Parallax (a rare scene where the way that superpowers worked in the movie seemed to have some kind of meaning), and I also thought the movie was very idiotic but not quite shit.

        • Paul Schumann

          I disagree.
          SPOILERS:
          It reminded me of Children of Hurin, where the characters are driven more by fate then real choices. Or the choices were already made. Gosling was abused by his mother and is sexually impotent. His smoking hot hooker gf can’t get a rise out of him. He can’t even fight honorably, he can only shoot people. It’s not that he wants to get his dick in his mom, but that he wanted to destroy the womb that bore him. He is a character driven by his “doom” and so offers himself for ritual punishment to the only man he respects, who is honorable whereas Gosling is a wannabe who will never be. I don’t agree with the philosophy but that’s what I see.

  • http://twitter.com/ahm Avery

    I just bought the last copy of THINGS on Amazon. Thanks for wasting my money, RLM.

    • Geahk Burchill

      SON of a… It was YOU! No wonder I couldn’t obtain a copy.

  • DanceK

    I feel like I know you guys now. In that sort of stalky way that makes people uncomfortable.

    • GUY WITH CAPSLOCK

      I know what you mean. It’s like having the friends I can’t have because of the restraining orders.

      • SomeoneElseTookDude

        sometimes i try and feed mike a beer through my computer screen

        • Now I Get It

          But have you tried brushing on shaving cream?

          • TapewormBike

            I always make faces when Rich is on the screen, trying to make him laugh.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          Perhaps you should try feeding him diet pills instead…

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Yeah, they were in my dream the other night. I think I was volunteering for them or something in this shitty wooden shack they had built. They made me cook a turkey. I don’t even know…

      • DanceK

        I feel strange now. Thank you.

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        I have dreams about working at SourceFed or participating in a Channel Awesome crossover. The internet is skull fucking us.

    • JAGUART

      I had a vivid, weird dream a few weeks ago that I met Mike and Jay at a house party in Milwaukee. Mike was sorta snobby and I don’t remember Jay at all. But ever since then, I feel like I know these guys. True Story, I just never saw the right comment to bring it up.

      • DanceK

        Did you grab Jay’s beard just before you woke up to, pull him into this dimension? If you did, let me know. I want a pizza roll.

  • DoctorKillpatient

    Hey guys, your Conjuring doll escaped after reviewing Blue Jasmine!

    • Percy Gryce

      They carefully set that up, but it didn’t pay off.

      • Jesus

        Unsubscribed!

      • Geahk Burchill

        I suspect Hackery. If it was Fraudulent they would have paid it off but in the laziest possible way.

      • Paul Schumann

        It didn’t pay off…. yet.
        Obviously it will turn up in creepy/endearing ways at the VCR shop.

    • Rob Rose

      Could be like the vase on the table from a few years back. subtle multi-episode payoff.

      • Percy Gryce

        If they read the comments, it will be.

        • Thanatos2k

          So if they completely forgot about it this episode, but pay it off next episode because they saw us noticing it, does that make them geniuses or frauds?

          • Percy Gryce

            Yes.

  • bluebottle

    “Insidious – it’s like lost time when you’re abducted by a UFO.” – Mike Stoklasa, RLM

  • GUY WITH CAPSLOCK

    WHERE’S THE PLINKETT GRAVITY REVIEW?

    • TapewormBike

      In spaaaaaaaace!

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        In the future of spaaaaaace*

        • SilhouetteMan

          *sigh*
          Space Cop.

  • YouDroppedSomething

    You dropped your iPood Jay.

  • http://www.therobotspajamas.com/ RobotsPJs

    I really need to see Palpatine’s internet blog.

  • TapewormBike

    I think Lily Tomlin might be The Incredible Undead Woman

  • Percy Gryce

    I like summer movie catchup on my freedom fries.

  • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

    That wallpaper looks dreadful. I’m not letting Rich redecorate my place!

  • Amy Dunn

    Don’t feel bad about having an fascination with ghosts and shit Mike, I think it’s fun too, especially since I’ve had ghost and other assorted weird shit happen to me so many times as a kid/teen that I could write a movie about it.

    • ident

      Odd that these ghosts showed up when you were a kid/teen and your brain wasn’t fully formed, you had a limited amount of experience to draw from when you encountered something new and you still believed every urban legend your friends told you. Now that you’re an adult with an, I assume, education and fully formed brain all the ghosts have vanished. I guess ghosts are just scared of adults. Only reasonable explanation.

      • Cameron Vale

        So, are supernatural experiences actually mundane experiences that only appear supernatural to those who lack the knowledge to understand them, or are they perceptive distortions exhibited by a physically immature brain?

        • ident

          “supernatural experiences” is an overbroad term and I wouldn’t know where to begin. However, I feel its important to note that your brain is always filling in the blanks based on your previous experience and there are lots of blanks. From saccadic masking, inattentional blindness, anxiety induced visual and auditory hallucinations, etc. your brain is fucking you. Not to mention the environmental phenomena associated with “haunted” houses like chronic, low-level carbon monoxide poisoning inducing most of the reported effects.

          • Marvin Falz

            How do you explain the phenomenon of intuition?

          • ident

            Intuition? Is there supposed to be something supernatural about that? Intuition is the conscious surfacing of a subconscious processing of previous experience. Or it could be something more instinctual, like a fear of snakes or contagion, depending on the specific scenario. The book “The Gift of Fear” is an interesting read on the intuitive fear response, which should hit the basics for anyone interested.

          • Marvin Falz

            To me intuition means “to have a hunch”, it’s a feeling without an actual perception of the events around you which doesn’t make your definition (“Intuition is the conscious surfacing of a subconscious processing of previous experience”) invalid. On the contrary, both definitions complement each other.
            -
            I’m of the opinion that if someone perceives something be it real or imaginative it isn’t supernatural. You’re part of nature, your senses are / your brain is part of nature and also everything you see, hear and so on. You could call miracles supernatural since they seem to contradict or go around the usual course of things. But then again if something miraculous happens it is part of this world and thus it is not supernatural.

          • ident

            It seems we are in agreement, then.

          • Marvin Falz

            Yes, basically. To me the “supernatural” remains interesting. I’m curious because I have difficulties with explaining – let’s say – unusual perceptions and experiences as either normal and healthy or not normal and mentally ill. I also have difficulties with the whole idea of dreams being just dreams as well as with the opposite, that every dream has something to say. Life isn’t that clear as it appears in art, religion, science. If it was we probably didn’t have art, religion and science.

          • ident

            This is gonna get real didactic. As for dreams, there are reams of research. The most interesting I’ve come across recently has been related to research into PTSD showing that for them to a greater degree, and everyone else to a lesser degree, the brain is using dreams as some kind of Inception-style training simulator. Classically, everyone dreams of situations that they fear or stress about (e.g. going to school naked), but PTSD sufferers have this turned up to 11. In training them to survive, the brain uses dreams to relive the experience night after night. Not all dreams are stress induced, but understanding how these stress-based dreams come to be through an overactive amygdala is a strong indicator that the rest of your dreams are originating in a similarly “natural” manner.

            As for unusual perceptions and mental illness, we all know drugs can induce states akin to mental illness. For example, PCP induces temporary schizophrenia by antagonizing the NMDA receptors in the brain. Conversely, recent research shows boosting these same receptors can alleviate symptoms in true schizophrenics. There is no need to invoke the supernatural to explain abnormal behavior or mental illness.

            You and I may have difficulty understanding or explaining these complex ideas, but others don’t and, thankfully, they publish often to keep their cushy academic jobs so the answers are, more often than not, to be had for the asking.

            I am not an architect and I could not even begin to explain how some of these modern buildings, like the CCTV building in China, don’t collapse under their own hubris. But that doesn’t mean I should invoke the supernatural just because I don’t understand it. The natural world is so much more interesting than fantasy and it’s good many other men have thought so and sought to explain it or we’d all still be sitting in the mud trying to count how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.

          • Marvin Falz

            I don’t think that fantasizing and living in the everyday material reality exclude each other since dreams also convey ideas and inventions. Pierre Curie saw an atomic structure while napping, Jules Verne saw the Television that he either dreamed about at night or during the day. I find fascinating what you’ve written about PTSD and dreams being a simulator. As for drug use and for mentall illness I find it interesting that there are at least two groups of people: the persons of the one group that have taken drugs like LSD or mushrooms become schizophrenic, they feel ill and get nothing out of the experience than bad memories and a remaining schizophrenia. Persons of the other group take hallucinogenics or entheogenics regularly, are fond of their experiences, above that they see their drug use as being holy, wholesome and curative because its part of their mission in life and that is to be in contact with the spirit world to help their tribe like the Indian and modern day shamans. It seems that schizophrenia doesn’t equal schizophrenia.

          • ident

            Drug induced schizophrenia is not the same as normal schizophrenia because the drug, whether pcp or acid, is also acting on numerous other parts of the brain, including serotonin receptors, which regulate those happy feelings. If you took a normal schizophrenic and jacked up his serotonin 400%, he’d have a lot more fun.

          • Marvin Falz

            Thank you for the information!

          • Thanatos2k

            Luck? And by luck I mean chance.

          • Marvin Falz

            Possible. Bears the question if intuition can be trained and used consciously.

          • Thanatos2k

            You mean train yourself in deluding yourself into thinking your string of luck is something other than statistical anomolies? Possible I guess.

          • Marvin Falz

            So intuition is real.

  • Percy Gryce

    Spoilers?

    • ident

      Yes.

      • Percy Gryce

        Just checking.

  • Rob Goodwyn

    the Lily Tomlin comment is the funniest thing in the whole video to me for some reason haha :)

    • Geahk Burchill

      It’s Lily Taylor.

    • ident

      Yeah, I lolled on that one, too. He gambled on her being dead and lost.

  • Percy Gryce

    Jay with a beard is hot?! Palpatine reads the comments.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I know. Imagine the terror they’ve gone through reading some of these comments. Fuck… there was that time I asked to be a ‘hot dog’…

  • Percy Gryce

    Mike does Palpatine and Woody Allen? Why isn’t this genius on TV–basic cable, at least?

    • Now I Get It

      Because he stopped just short of doing Woody Allen as Palpatine – which would have been the hackiest bullshit, I grant you, but maybe for basic cable…?

  • Percy Gryce

    “I can’t even comprehend what’s going on.”

    Wait till you get married, Rich.

  • Percy Gryce

    Things did seem like it belonged on BOTW. And since I brought that up, I have to confess that I just sent the boys a bunch of BOTW/WOTW bait. Of course, I defer to their judgment absolutely, but there’s one vid that I found over the weekend that simply looks like it was made to ride the WOTW. I’m not saying that it’s the next Shoji Tabuchi Show, but it’s the next Shoji Tabuchi Show.

    • SUPERSOUP

      Tell us what it is you FUCK

      • Percy Gryce

        “Fuck you,” that’s its name.

        Seriously, though, I don’t want to preempt our benevolent overlords or jinx the thing.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      “…simply looks like it was made to ride the WOTW.”

      That’s the same thing Santa told me, except ‘WOTW’ was his ‘cock’ and ‘Santa’ was my ‘uncle’.

      • Percy Gryce

        Now we know why you lack impulse control.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          I also lack sphincter control.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            It’s rather shitty…

  • SUPERSOUP

    OMAIGAADD!

  • SUPERSOUP

    I liked The Conjuring, but the ‘true story’ bullshit ruined it for me. Did you know that whatever happened was so traumatic, so terrible, that Ed Warren immediately went out and tried to get a film made about it for 30 years? And it’s mostly based on a recording he made, apparently.

    But it had some good moments and I’d like to get Vera Farmiga pregnant.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I liked this because of the ‘Vera Farmiga pregnant’.

  • Red Rowz

    Content, I am content.

  • Mark Bisone

    Rich’s sash better read “World’s Sexiest Mayor” or imma sue Canadia.

    • diehounderdoggen

      He just got back from the shoot for Backdoor Mayor Returns.

      • TapewormBike

        : Mayor Backdoorerer

        • Percy Gryce

          Mayor Wars II: The Mayor Strikes Backdoor

      • Mark Bisone

        Backdoor Mayor gets a little high and mighty. If he wants you out, he’s just gonna take his little box, here, and you’ll be out.

  • notfunnydouche

    lots of air bubbles in that wallpaper, you guys should have used Wallpaper space.

    • ident

      Finally, someone taking this shit show to task for failing where it matters most!

  • Cameron Vale

    You’re only scratching the surface. In this canon, it’s implied that Disney’s act of firing Palpatine from playing in those movies caused him to actually lose his position as the real emperor of a real faraway galaxy, and to wind up here in ours. And for added confusion, he isn’t dead; so either the movies are inaccurate for some reason, or his on-screen death hasn’t occurred yet, and it is the future we see.

    • Thanatos2k

      And who says Palpatine died in Episode 6? I DIDN’T SEE A BODY!

  • Pingback: A brief word on Phantasmagoria | Why Modern Video Games Suck

  • Maized and Confused

    Half in the Bag has Jumped the Sharknado!

  • DarthRandal

    It appears Rich has been cast as the Monopoly Guy. They got rid of the monocle to update him for modern times.

  • TheScottCSmith

    Rich is a dapper fellow in his top hat and sash. Was he on his way to judge a beauty contest or officiate over the opening of a new Chunky’s Chicken?

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Obviously the latter.

  • Duckler

    I miss the alien-faced radio.

  • diehounderdoggen

    Am I going crazy or did the camera quality get a lot better during the Rich Evans sequences? inb4 Rich Evans worship.

  • Rob Rose

    This episode made me realize that JAY needs a character. Two Rich Evans’ Two Mike Slotslazskis but on only one Jay? No.. it must not be. Then again a Jay divided against itself cannot stand.

    Jay’s character should just be him with a silly hat on or something. That doesn’t really need to exist outside of being a joke that Rich & Mike have characters and he doesn’t.

    • Jesus

      Not everyone can be a great actor like Rich Evans. Jay seems to prefer being behind the camera, unlike the hack fraud known as Stolklasa.

    • redletterjay

      “Jay” is the only character my limited acting skills can kind of pull off.

      • TapewormBike

        That’s not right, Jay!

        • Now I Get It

          Bastard, that’s so good, it should have been mine!

          I’ll trade you a fistful of clapped out memes, starting with the Jack Black one I just pinched, if you delete your post and let me slide into place with the same comment. Whaddya say?

          http://blamberr.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/jb-proc.jpg

          • TapewormBike

            There is only one person I would let slide into my place – and he used to look like a pedophile. Now he looks like a sexy bearded pedophile.

          • Now I Get It

            My, what an oddly (and mercifully) pleasant memory.

        • Duckler

          What’s left, Jay?

      • notfunnydouche

        A GOD WALKS AMONGST US!!!!!!!

      • I Can’t Say No

        But Jay I saw your work in A Long Walk Home…it left me speechless.

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        Woah, woah, woah… Bearded Jay is not a separate character?

      • Jay Stein

        Right on Jay! Love the beard..

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Well, you did wear a silly cowboy hat that one time. Does that count?

      • ident

        You’re kind of a necrophiliac that way.

      • Rob Rose

        …act-acting? I don’t understand. Is that something you do like, on the side? when you’re not at the repair shop? Please explain further.

      • Rob Rose

        Well, I now expect a scene in a future episode in which you in some kind of costume are just sitting in the background for most of the show just looking annoyed until Mike, Bearded Jay, or Mr Plinkett ask you who you are and what you’re doing there. To which the character replies “I-I don’t know, okay? I’m just trying please people.” –”WHAAAT?” “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO EDIT THIS SHIT AND GET A BOTW GOING, AND MY OWN PROJECTS…etc.. AND NOW I’VE GOTTA SIT HERE WITH THIS FUCKING THING ON MY HEAD BECAUSE ONE GUY SAID HE WANTED TO SEE IT. Well that’s it, I’m done I can’t do this any more.” Or you know.. something.. followed by Bearded Jay making some type of witty comment about how none of that seemed to have anything to do with anything and how it existed only to appease the demands of maybe 10 people… okay you go ahead… I’ll pretend like I didn’t write this, we’ll all pretend we didn’t see it. You go ahead now, I’ll wait.

        • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

          My hair is falling out! And I HATE you!

      • Wild in Wisconsin

        Don’t be like that. Have some faith in yourself, you idiot asshole.

    • Cameron Vale

      How about something man or something boy, like a parody of recurring characters, as opposed to trying to be a recurring character.

      • Jay Stein

        He could dress in 1900′s boy clothes with a huge spiral sucker..

    • Jay Stein

      Jay is just Jay, like me. We’re just Jays…

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        When he’s sad, he’s a Blue Jay…

        That’s right, he hasn’t won the Superbowl since 1993.

    • Jay Stein

      Jays Character

  • LukeMM95

    You hack frauds! How dare you not review The Smurfs 2.

  • putacorkinit

    No spoiler warning? Dammit, I was going to watch ‘Only God Forgives’. Bad show.

    • ident

      Now you can’t watch it. What a bunch of assholes.

      • putacorkinit

        Well, I can watch it but I would have preferred not to now the surprise ending.

        • ident

          The “surprise ending” of his penis fists being chopped off to cleanse him of his bad deeds as if his hands were responsible for what he did and not him. Not so much a surprise as retarded.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Oh, they had a spoiler warning… AFTER they gave it away. Haha. If you know HitB by now, you know they tend to give away plot points and are hit-and-miss with giving spoiler warnings.

      • putacorkinit

        I suppose so but ‘Only God Forgives’ is not the kind of film they usually review so it took me by surprise.

        • ident

          Well, it was in the title.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          At what point did it take you by surprise? After you read the title of the video? After they mentioned what movies they were going to talk about? After they started talking about the movie? After Mike asked Jay to talk about the ending because he was never going to see it?

          Sure, they didn’t explicitly say “spoiler warning”, but you were given many opportunities to avoid them.

          • putacorkinit

            Calm down.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Basically, your argument is invalid and you should feel invalid.

            Now go watch The Plinkett Animated videos as punishment.

  • Meester Smeeth

    That felt how Christmas used to feel only better.

    • Now I Get It

      I know what you mean. I’ve missed my relatives fighting in the kitchen, too.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        My dad would always levitate my mail over to me because he was too disappointed in me to walk over and hand it to me himself.

        • Now I Get It

          And all over a traffic ticket. I hope you levitated your fine from his wallet.

          I used to do a whole magic act with my Dad. In one trick he’d incant, “You’re a good kid. (You’re a bad son.) You’re a good kid. (You’re a bad son.),” then he’d just…disappear. But then when he didn’t reappear, the audience realised that I was the one who was magic.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Oddly enough last night I got a parking ticket… in a place I’ve been parking for 5 years now without any problem. Weird.

            DID YOU DO THIS?!

          • Now I Get It

            A complete accident, I assure you. I was out that night casting spells here and there, marking my territory, and – very embarrassing – must have sprinkled a bit. I can’t fix the ticket, but if you send me your vehicle, I’ll have it dry cleaned.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Dry clean my vehicle? HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS RAINING THAT DAY?!

          • Now I Get It

            How did I know? Because I was the one who PISTON your car! (See, I can do a thing, too – in only four business days.)

            Seriously, though, piss won’t dull the finish any more than semen stains denim. Which reminds me – you should get your upholstery detailed.

          • ident

            That’s disturbing.

          • Now I Get It

            Yes, and it’s even more disturbing if it’s true.

  • LukeMM95

    I’m also glad I’m not the only one who had zero interest in Elysium. It just looked so bland and unoriginal. Granted I haven’t seen it but I just miss the day when sci-fi films were more atmospheric and didn’t look so sterile.

    • TapewormBike

      I had a great deal of interest in it until I saw the trailer. Only thing that actually made me see it, was my trust in director Neil Blumpkin and the actor Charlatan Coppola. The movie was meh and actually even bleh when Foster was on the screen. I found Europa Report to be way better as far as Sci Fi and Copley go.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Elysium: cool concept, poor execution.

    • Jay Stein

      Elysium was good, and fun, but not “perfect”..

      • Geahk Burchill

        I agree. I liked it visually, it didn’t hit you over the head quite as bad as it looked like it would in the trailer (Boy Howdy! High praise) I appreciated the use of models and practical effects. Not perfect but enjoyable.

        • TapewormBike

          It definitely was not a bad movie, but it was pretty heavy handed, the subtext was written in all caps. Filmmaking wise, totally solid piece, Bloomkamp has his shit together and I do want to see him work in some other genre as well. What killed it for me was A) the obviousness of what it was trying to point out, B) Fosters baddie and C) too much expectations.

          • Geahk Burchill

            Oh definitely, Subtext in all caps. But considering District 9 used skywriting and fireworks, I was pleasantly surprised Blomkamp hadn’t bashed in my skull with it this time.

            I liked Foster. I enjoyed her tweaky performance. But I mostly watched the film as a special effects fan. The suits, the transports (disliked the 140 year old cars–that was dumb)

            It was a great movie for effects people. It was well paced and I liked Damon and the villain. I was annoyed that the female protagonist was such a blank slate. I can’t even remember her name.

            Blomkamp seems think of himself as an activist but is too young or naive to analyze the tropes that he uses in his films and ends up reinforcing things he is probably, consciously, against. So his female character ended up just being a ‘damsel’ along with her daughter. I doubt he was aware he was doing it and I doubt he would have done it if he were aware.

            That’s just one example. In District 9 he spends the whole movie commenting on Apartheid but ends up reinforcing and using all the stereotypes he seems to be against.

            I think he’s a great visual guy but just not that smart. Kind of like Zack Snyder. He’d like to punch above his weight.

          • TapewormBike

            I agree with you on the point about District 9. I am not sure what separates Elysium and District in my mind, but I love the latter and was unimpressed by the former. I think the overall uniqueness of District won me over alongside with very realistically portrayed antihero. Damon in Elysium was good, I really cannot remember any time he wasn’t, but it was more conventional character than Wikus and that is in a nutshell how I feel about the whole movie. You are definitely right about the female lead, I remembered her only after you pointed it out.

          • Percy Gryce
          • Geahk Burchill

            Wow, you’re right! Blomkamp is actually an asshat.

          • Percy Gryce

            Well, he’s at least a Boer.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Whoa, what?

          • TapewormBike

            That is pretty interesting.

  • Odysseus Ulysses

    How dare you frauds not do “The the worlds end”, the final film in the cornetto trilogy of Shaun of the Dead and hot fuzz.

    It was amazing and had everything you guys could ever want in a movie, namely tons of beer, aliens and men way past their prime struggling to grow up and accept the fact that their fuck ups.

  • Jesus

    The song is Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan. It is also played during the first kill in the movie.

  • TapewormBike

    How the fuck can you remember anything when you gotta worry about ghosts all the time?

  • Real Quantum

    My brain hurts

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Take your brain medicine.

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      Spock, we need to go see the Guardian at the Edge of Forever and fix the temporal anomaly before the universe starts to break apart.

  • Remy

    You hacks should review ‘Rush’. The automotive community is too busy masturbating over it to notice its flaws: schlock-worthy rain and explosion CGI, simplistic characters and dumbed-down plot.
    I think its worth saying also that you guys make among the best goddamn entertainment in the world. Looking forward to much more!

  • Alexandria Sanders

    Did anyone else notice the doll went missing? lol

    “I don’t have allergies, I love pussy.” Oh Chris, you’re hilarious.

    • J from Raleigh

      Continuity error.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        That’s what they WANT us to believe.

        By ‘they’ I mean ‘demon dolls’.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Chris? Who’s Chris?

      • Jay Stein

        Chris Evans…

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          I had a feeling she was making that joke. Isn’t he the guy that played Pyro in the Justice League?

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          Chris Evans. Ironically, he’s the richer of the two Evans.

    • ident

      I think she meant “Oh Christ”.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        What is it with t’s?

  • Mark Andrew Edwards

    Ah, good stuff.

    Not sure who was playing Palpy, I always assumed it was Mike but not as sure now. Whoever it was, tell him he’s got that impersonation down pat. I sorta wish they’d stuck with him as a recurring character.

    • Percy Gryce

      It was either Mike or Jay. And it wasn’t Jay.

      • Real Quantum

        What are you trying to say, exactly?

    • Jay Stein

      It’s Stoklasa.

  • Anna Banana

    When is your next ASMR video?

  • Narrator

    I thoroughly enjoyed both Blue Jasmine and Only God Forgives, the latter of which is the second-best looking film I’ve seen all year (first place is Gravity, because duh). Even watching it OnDemand, I was still struck by how amazing it looked.

  • http://flesheatingbug.deviantart.com/ Som

    i wanna see outtakes from this episode…

  • R_S_P

    Hey guys, I’ve made some fun 15 second clips from RLM on my Instagram. Enjoy.

    http://instagram.com/tearbotheyesout#

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    This is easily one of the best Half in the Bag episodes yet.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I don’t have to be weird or witty to get likes? Why didn’t anybody tell me?!?

      • Joe Syxpac

        It’s just the name. Everyone sees it like this:

        Mitchell Taco Nash
        Blah blo blah blahdidy blah bla blah Half in the Bag blah blah.

        (I like tacos too!!!) *like*

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          Oh…

      • Now I Get It

        They didn’t need to tell you, after you enabled the community’s cookie – in your brain.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          I didn’t notice that I enabled that… but my brain did.

    • ident

      Your statement implies that there are HITB episodes that are less than perfect. Your sacrilege has been reported to Pope Evans.

  • John Krzeminski

    I know Mike and Jay never read the comments on here, but: This episode was good UNTIL it got to the part about THINGS. It’s one of those cases (like with some MST3K episodes) where the material they are talking about is just so bad it isn’t even interesting to hear them talk about it/riff on it. I felt the same way about the last Best of the Worst episode as well.

    Other than that, keep up the great work guys.

    • Andro ang Christopher

      *reads as video loads*

      But… the last BotW was an instant favorite.

      Expectations raised :3

    • Swifteye

      I do actually agree to this. I like the best of the worst and things like that but on a personal level I don’t actually get the whole “You gotta see this, it’s so bad!” mentality.

      Like the stipulation for enjoying Things is to watch it and suffer then watch someone else watch it and enjoy their suffering. Wouldn’t it be nicer to watch something that’s fun to watch because it’s fun to watch rather than fun to watch because it’s bad to watch to the extent that it’s curious to observe it?

      It’s on the outside looking in is all. I have no problem with the format and wouldn’t change it at all. I wouldn’t go an anime fanatic’s website and ask him to not rave about Gainnax productions either although I would wonder how Evangelion doesn’t make him feel like slitting his wrists..

      • disqus_zUQKdqb8vB

        Only a true THINGS-ite like myself and other THINGS-ites would understand. You either get it, or you don’t get it Swifteye. That was just something that he ALSO enjoys doing as an “afterthought.” Like the stipulation for enjoying Things is to watch it and suffer then watch someone else watch it and enjoy their suffering.” Your quote should be sent out to sea in a bottle that sinks to the bottom of the Antarctic ocean, lol

      • disqus_zUQKdqb8vB

        You just don’t get it Swifteye!!

    • Geahk Burchill

      I felt the opposite. I didn’t care until they cared. They didn’t care about The cuntring (or whatever) and Jay sort of cared about Ryan Gosling’s dick-hands but then he didn’t. Nobody cared about Blue Jasmine except it was a warm blanket. The episode got really great when Mike and Jay clearly cared about Things.

  • JohnBigbooty

    Insidious was so-so till the last 15 minutes, when it embarrassingly falls apart. I think all the movie had going for it was some demon standing behind Patrick Wilson at one point. That, and Rose Byrne is in it.

  • uatu13

    I thought Insidious and Conjuring were both fun, quality horror movies. Hell, even the first saw wasn’t bad. They just turned to shit once they tried to make a franchise out of them.

  • Rolls Canhardly

    “If you want to see a movie where Ryan Gosling has dicks for hands, this might be your only option.” That should be on the poster.

  • BTownTKD

    I sat on the edge of my seat for twenty goddamn minutes after that satanic doll disappeared from its plastic case, and NOTHING happened.

    I can only assume it’s in the room with me, now.

    • Percy Gryce

      . . .

      • Now I Get It

        That’s odd. I remember Karen Black getting half-naked in that episode, but I can’t remember her holding a spear.

        • Percy Gryce

          Hint: check out the last scene.

          • Now I Get It

            Ohhh! …Oh, right: Richard Matheson. But did they have to take away her crossed eyes? I had such a thing for that.

            http://ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4583873765769773&w=212&h=146&c=7&rs=1&pid=1.7

          • Percy Gryce

            One of the scariest scenes in cinema.

          • Now I Get It

            Well, in fact, when I went searching for the perfect image of Karen Black, I couldn’t help remembering Regan’s face from your original “Exorcist” post. Just that look of unmistakable intent, which is, after all, the soul of the matter.
            It’s interesting, maybe as a footnote, that another of Matheson’s made-for-tv films, “Duel”, featured a monster, the truck driver, who was actually faceless. Its other difference was that, because the story was more action-adventurey, the fright was more suspenseful than horrifying, at least for me.

  • Cinesnark

    Only God Forgives is simultaneously gorgeous to look at and aggressively unpleasant to watch.

  • weblet

    was thinking you would never do these again. great stuff!

    • Geahk Burchill

      I find your lack of faith….

      Oh whatever.

  • jnywest

    The Doll! The Doll escaped. It’s somewhere in the house!

  • Billy_Whizz

    Rich Evans looks a little like Boy George in that hat.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Boy George looks a lot like Rich Evans*

      There, fixed it for you.

  • Alex

    I love Mike’s face when Jay talks about Ryan Gosling playing a character that barely has any dialogue.

  • Fass5RingBinder

    I like the old chairs better. And the closeups are too close-up. It’s like hanging out in the boring corner of a beer bash. And where’s black baby jesus. I don’t like it when things change…

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Black baby Jesus is best baby Jesus.

  • disqus_zUQKdqb8vB

    Yes, I believe that it was the funniest and best episodes ever. The THINGS discussion did it for me.

    • Geahk Burchill

      It had trouble getting rolling. It was like Tarentino’s ‘Death Proof’. I spent the first half wondering what they hell the characters rambling about but then the payoff was great.

  • disqus_zUQKdqb8vB

    Just Sayin’s being overused way too much these days, JUST SAYIN!

    • Cameron Vale

      Just Saiyan.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Give me your energy!

        • ident

          Gross.

  • Lizard with a ladder

    Best episode ever.

  • disqus_zUQKdqb8vB

    All in all, this episode rocked from the opening right up until the end, Nuff Said, Goodnight!

  • http://www.smallfish-bigpond.com/ Kerensky97

    Seems like Plinkett gets more “Rich Evans” like every episode. He’s gone from bizarre creepy/scary old man to Average Walmart Shopper.

    • catnep

      Good point. How are we supposed to believe he smells like urine now?

      • ident

        By looking at him.

      • TapewormBike

        By watching Feeding Frenzy?

      • Manioc

        Clearly you haven’t spent much time in a Walmart.

        • catnep

          You are correct!

  • Gristle McThornbody

    This is the greatest episode. Of anything. I haven’t even seen it yet.

    Great job!

  • Big Red

    I have to find THINGS now. It looks too amazingly bad for me to not watch it.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I could not get over how badly that wallpaper was hung.

    David Carradine hung himself with more care.

    • Geahk Burchill

      It really looked like they just hung it with spray glue. Just bad.

      • Joe Syxpac

        They should have used wallpaper space.

        • Geahk Burchill

          I can tell you from personal experience, that is the best product for the job.

          • Joe Syxpac

            As long as you haven’t been drinking.

          • ident

            Yeah, completely took me out of the review.

          • Joe Syxpac

            Every time I’d start laughing my eye would go right to those crinkles and air pockets and that would just stifle it.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I was going to say they break the fourth wall, but we can we really call those poorly wallpapered messes WALLS?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Also I have that exact same Emerson television that’s on the kitchen counter.

  • Jay Stein

    Great Episode! Jump the Sharknado every time..

    • Real Quantum

      Possibly high on moloko drencrom

  • Joe Syxpac

    Yeah, it confused me at first because I thought “Why are they doing a split screen for two different people playing two different characters?”

    Than I realized it was the classic (see: tired) “this is my half, that is your half” bit.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I thought it was called the Church of Rich Evans’ Enthusiastic Partisan Sycophants.

    Almost positive that’s the full name.

    • Geahk Burchill

      No it’s informal. We just like that his laugh cures our cancer.

      • ident

        Don’t tell anyone.

  • http://laurelgreen.com/ Laurel Green

    La-Z-Boy and The Recliner

  • marneteen

    I agree with Palpy…Sexy beard.

  • The Persian Eagle

    Great Stuff. More Rich Evans laughing.

  • ColinJ

    THE CONJURING is about as much a true story as TRANSFORMERS is.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Dude, let Mike have his fan-tasties.

    • ident

      At least Mike didn’t try to defend his bullshit like Gillian did in the “What’s Your Number?” episode.

  • bb-15

    The Plinkett bit with Mike & Jay was fun and Mike as Palpatine rocked.
    Floating mail? Right on.

  • proghead777

    “God bless Nanna.” Amen, brothers, amen. I laughed so hard at this one, I poopied in my pants a little bit. Well, not really, but almost. This was the closest I ever came, though.

  • arthur187

    I’d love to see Palpatine as a permanent guest in the show, who could be a chanel for the weirdest viewer comments.

    • ident

      Do not poke Disney’s lawyer hive.

  • Marvin Falz

    Palpy and Plinkett would play well as a certain couple in a balcony in a theatre hate-commenting on everything they see.

    • ident

      Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln? Too soon…

      • Marvin Falz

        Hey, you look just like me! It’s like we were ident-ical. See, I did a thing.

        • Percy Gryce

          Bring back your pic.

          • Marvin Falz

            No, I like to have a twin.

        • ident

          No one will be able to tell us apart. Soon our thoughts will become one and you won’t know where I stop and you begin.

  • Fass5RingBinder

    WRONG? Chill out, fanboy.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      OUT?! Fan wrong, chillboy!

      • Mark Bisone

        BOY?!! Out fan, wrong chill.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          Boy fan out wrong, chill.

          • Mark Bisone

            And that’s how rap was born.

      • Fass5RingBinder

        Nash Mitchell, Taco!

  • Mark Bisone

    I kept hoping a giant pair of novelty scissor would sneak into frame and clip that sash in half, therefore officially opening Backdoor Mayor for business.

    • Percy Gryce

      Why was this post not accompanied by that recurring picture of Santa rape?

      • TapewormBike

        Why isn’t everything? sigh

  • catnep

    ‘Things’ has frightened me away from visiting Canada.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Someone else already had “Enthusiastic Partisan Sycophants” trademarked?

  • stenlis

    As other have pointed out – give Saw (the original film) a chance! Note that James Wan only directed the first film. You probably saw one of its sequels.

    It’s not the gore-fest the sequels turned out to be, in fact, there’s no gore in Saw – it’s a suspense thriller. It’s got some good acting by Elwes and Glover and a surprisingly sophisticated narrative – the two characters locked up in a room discuss the events that lead up to their capture, jumping back and forth in the timeline, sometimes including a narrative within a narrative (what happened to the girl on the poster) and yet it’s easy to follow the story and it retains suspense to the end.

    The film has its flaws but compared to your standard 2000′s slasher it’s great.

    • ident

      It’s hard for me to argue with you because I can’t remember much of “Saw”, but you are wrong. You are so wrong I just can’t stand it. Someone help me show this guy how wrong he is before I cut myself like a teenage girl.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Did you cut yourself yet? If so, pics or it didn’t happen.

    • Cameron Vale

      Saw 2 and 3 are better.

  • El_Runko

    It really does (homo).

  • catnep

    What’s happened to that diamond in the rough Rich Evans? He’s becoming a dandy. I don’t know how much more of this Evolution stuff I can take!

    • Percy Gryce

      Indeed, he’s living proof of Darwin’s theories: he’s gone from Monkey Man to Plinkett to Fancy Dan in just a few short years.

      • catnep

        I’m relieved someone else sees it too… he’s advancing quickly and unpredictably. Like Species. And we all know how that turned out!

        • Now I Get It

          Just wait till he sheds his aviator shades. We’ll all have to find a new moon to live on.

          • catnep

            Terrifying to comtemplate. I’ve since read in the literature that the shedding of the aviator shades is the beginning of Tudor development! We should expect it to look something like this: http://thecreationofanneboleyn.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/henry8-0.jpg

          • Now I Get It

            Rich evolves regally into the foreground, as video production falls behind! Jessi stands her post on the new RLM set, now retasked as the King’s sandwich bar! The catering budget has taken the crown!

            Thanks for the warning, and just in time, oh, Catnep, Ghost of Christmas Future. We’ve all been too generous with these flyover-country bohemians.

            DEFUND RLM NOW!!!

          • catnep

            You do have a keen eye for detail. It could be donations causing this strange metamorphosis! No going back now. Hide the wimmins and the leftovers.

          • Now I Get It
          • catnep

            Eww. Is she chained and being forced to eat kielbasa? This must have been filmed at Jabba’s palace!

          • Now I Get It

            We’ve found our new Oola!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    are people really mad about spoilers? only god forgives is driven by symbolism and evocative imagery while blue jasmine is driven by dialogue and characters.these films dont give two shits about meaningful plot.

    • ident

      That’s on the money. If there is anything worthwhile in “Only God Forgives”, it is the mood & imagery. “Blue Jasmine”, from looking at the trailer, is a remake of “A Streetcar Named Desire”, but with Woody Allen dialogue.

  • nocomment

    Do Xtro 2! That movie is amazing! So bad it’s good!

    • sepiajack

      “Part Alien” “Part Predator”

      I see what they did there…

  • RC_cola

    Why was Rich Evans dressed like a pilgrim?

    • ident

      Can’t we just be happy that he’s here rather than question his every sexual fetish?

  • ident

    Well, he never said he would watch it.

  • ident

    They did clean it but the ghost of Rich Evans keeps bring it back.

  • ident

    Nothing better than a movie that only makes sense if someone explains every action, line, and scene to you.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I bet you even once they explain it, it still would make absolutely no sense.

  • Sparkylicious

    Awww I was hoping Palpy would be a fixture now. He’s funny and good company for Plinkett.

  • ident

    Yes, I haven’t seen it but the first thing I thought of after the trailer was Streetcar.

  • ident

    And “The Godfather” was better than both of them. You see how that doesn’t add to the discussion? Try again.

  • Marvin Falz

    There was a time when I thought that Tony Danza in Who’s the Boss was really cool. Must have been in the 90s or last year or yesterday. No, it was definitely in the 90s. Tried to rewatch some random episode and felt like Sammy Grabowski. I also liked Mona, you know the old but horny mom of the boss character, but not like as in “have to jerk-off”-like. Where am I going with that post? Can you cut that out? Yes? Thank you!

    • Real Quantum

      On that note, “having to jerk-off” to Alyssa Milano was ok back then.
      Now, doing it with wathching that show would just be plain wrong.

      • Marvin Falz

        Oh yeah, she looked hot. I may say that, I was and probably still am younger than her.

        • Real Quantum

          Well, I was just saying, anyway.
          I’m a 93 years old clergyman, what do I know?

          • Marvin Falz

            Glad to meet you. Would you please teach me the ancient technique of “keeping your hands on the blanket”? Self-touchers quarterly (it’s a magazine in the Bundy world) won’t answer my letters.

          • Real Quantum

            You’re too old for us, now.

          • Marvin Falz

            *comical :(*

      • sepiajack

        Yes, she along with Career Oppurtunities/Rocketeer era Jennifer Connelly helped usher me into puberty. I also always had a thing for that nazi chick in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

    • Cameron Vale

      That show must have been from a different era, because I saw a few episodes of it and I couldn’t parse out any sense in which Tony Danza could be characterized as “the boss.”

      • Marvin Falz

        Tony Danza and whoever played Angela aren’t good at acting or lack personality, I don’t know, I’ve watched that shit 20 years ago. Most memorable episode is the one where Leslie Nielsen’s character dates Mona. And that’s all I remember from that episode. I think the title is supposed to hint at the intended circumstance that everybody of the maincast is the boss in his and her own way. I mean, Angela is the business woman and Tony’s employer. But Tony is the guy with the golden heart who’s open towards everybody and wins the people over with sympathy. To be honest, I always felt that Mona is the real boss, cause she is sympathetic like Tony but smarter and more experienced than him and she is rather in control of her daughter Angela. Hmm, it all comes back, quick, gotta get me some styrofoam.

  • Andreas

    Only Redlettermedia can utilize so many sketches and ongoing storylines and still be completely hilarious AND without them bogging down the reviews. (LOOKING AT YOU TGWTG)

    And hey Bea Arthur makes a live action cameo! About time!
    Great make-up!

    • ident

      It’s the self-aware irony that undergirds it all. Pray to whatever god you believe in that nothing happens to that.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        “…whatever god you believe in…”

        You’re obviously referring to Rich Evans, the only god there is.

        • ident

          Obviously.

    • Patrick Wells

      Well, Jay and Mike are Funny. That Guy never was.

  • TapewormBike

    Are you sure it was not just another layer of ADR?

  • Real Quantum

    Great reference!

  • Marvin Falz

    So when Mike wears evil robe and make-up he gains the ability to force-push Plinkett and force-airmail letters? I want that robe and I want it … now!

    • ident

      That wasn’t Mike. That was Palpatine. Your the kid who pulled off Santa’s beard at the mall. You’re ruining Christmas again, Marvin.

      • Constantine1985

        God damnit, Marvin!

      • Marvin Falz

        Christmas is egg-nog, Santa’s an alcoholic and the “reindeers” are his hoe hoe hoes anyway. I sincerely apologize for making you all feel uncomfortable. But explain one thing to me: if that was Palpatine then who was inside the costume that looked like Mike?

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        The inner grammar douche compels me: you’re*

        • ident

          Yeah, i fixed it.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Happens to the best of the worst of us.

            See, I worked in the title of an RLM show in there.

          • Now I Get It

            Uhm, I’ve looked “RLM” up on UrbanDictionary.com and apparently one of their shows is about a guy named Rob who Likes Men, and the other is about a “heinous” but nameless “cow of a woman…who thinks she is superior to others, without realising she is a fat bloated rottweiler skank.”

            So, has Urban Dictionary cancelled the show you were talking about, or what? ‘Cuz I haven’t even seen it.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Fork in the brain.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Are you Palpy?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Pfft. If you were truly Canadish, you’d know the proper Canadish way to spell that is ‘prowd’.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Those weren’t the only insertions you liked.

    Call me. ;)

    • Constantine1985

      Lol. Rather smooth.

  • ident

    You must be mistaken. The same song could never appear in different movies. It’s not physically possible. I should know. I’m a physicist.

  • sepiajack

    Mike’s Palpatine impression is uncanny, especially because he’s not just quoting lines from the movies but actually delivering all sorts of funny dialogue as the Palpster.

    • TapewormBike

      Mike is good

      • TapewormBike

        Oh, sorry, a typo, I meant to say god.

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      Is there a term for that in theater?
      Like instead of just saying the lines they are playing the part… Or something else as pretentious?

  • amanda_87

    Probably two years or so ago now, when RLM did a livestream and chatted to fans, I typed that Jay looked hot with a beard. I wonder if that comment about it in this episode was born from my admiration…

    Jay’s cute, definitely would hit it.

  • ident

    Sorry, but if someone told me that a movie I wanted to see featured penis fists that get severed at the end I would thank them for the 2 hours I didn’t waste.

    • Paul Schumann

      SPOILERS:

      umm they didn’t get severed in the version I saw. You just knew it was gonna happen.

  • ident

    They post them on youtube. Blip works fine for the vast majority of people. You may want to look into connectivity or memory issues on your end.

    • cobrazombie

      I have a good computer and a good connection and Blip player is still a piece of shit.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s right, Ryan!

    • sepiajack

      Flyin’ Ryan!

  • Torgos_Giant_Knees

    The doll will return in the next episode of Game Station 2.0 in order to tie the series together. It’s like poetry.

    • Thanatos2k

      Hopefully it’ll work

  • Rolls Canhardly

    The Things review was hysterical…but why wasn’t the film part of BOTW?

    • Duckler

      It’s bad beyond Best of the Worst, a real special occasion pile of crap.

    • John

      Srsly. HitB is supposed to review movies they didn’t stumble across in a yard sale then watched ironically.

  • Yukonses

    I love those 80′s cabinets.

    Fly Watch: 21:41, Over Jay’s left shoulder on top of the lazyboy. You can’t hide from me.

  • Robby

    How is Mike’s Palpatine better than Palpatine’s Palpatine?

    • TapewormBike

      The same way Richs hat is better than anybody elses hat.

  • Eric Monaghan

    To almost jokingly discuss Only God Forgives for but a few minutes and then Things for a half hour is a bit of a disappointment. I feel like Half in the Bag is more where you both have seen the film and are talking about it wall to wall. This felt more like a Best of the Worst/wrap-up. Understood with the busy schedule, and all, but if you applied the same effort you did for TDKR’s review, I think we’d have clearance for blast off here.

    • Eric Monaghan

      ok jesus christ. i love these guys. i refresh their page 5 times a day. i just wanted to offer a bit of constructive. Lord have mercy on my soul

      • Joe Syxpac

        Only five?

        Poser.

      • TapewormBike

        I find your lack of pure RLM fanboyism disturbing

    • ident

      I don’t think I could take any more discussion of Only God Forgives.

  • bluehawk222

    Conjuring really wasn’t that great. The big hook of it was supposed to be the story was so traumatizing that they never talked about it or anything but it seemed no different than the other cases they had done. And I hate in these kinds of films the ghost rule book that exists. These things are supposed to be paranormal but you got these characters coming in like scientists making scientific observations and coming to direct conclusions logically. The fear from ghosts is that we don’t understand them or how to get “rid” of them. But when you have it so it legitimizes Christian mythology and these characters dealing with them like the Ghostbusters it makes for a dull and predictable affair.

    • catnep

      Agreed. I thought it had one eerie element with the clapping game. The rest seemed like a hodgepodge of other movies. I’d actually read someone say it was scarier than The Exorcist, which is absurd.

    • TapewormBike

      Honestly, I felt the same way as I did when watching Paranormal Activity – bored as fuck. I realize it is way more competently made movie (and strangely enough I liked the first and only the first Saw), but all the ghosts stuff is really not working for me.

  • Mark Bisone

    Great set, guys. Really digging the 3D wallpaper. It’s like I’m really there.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Wittiest comment.

  • Mark Bisone

    The wife and I have slightly different batting averages for Woody Allen. She’s got him at around .725 and I’ve got him at .580.

    Unfortunately, the baseball metaphor isn’t very useful after you’ve seen something like “Don’t Drink the Water” or “Curse or the Jad Scorpion” or “Melinda and Melinda”. When’s the last time you felt like chugging Chlorox after a strikeout?

    (other than Wainwright – Beltrán, Game 7)

  • I registered

    Is that a window on the wall, with the hallway on the other side??

  • Drain

    Welcome back guys. Very funny. I like the new guy you brought in as the emperor too. Sounds like the guy you’ve used before for voice but now you’ve (somehow) convinced the poor sap to don makeup and be on camera; he does well enough though. Did he refuse before? Pay him in booze like you do Rich Evans, because that character was so worth the trouble to have here.

    I like the re-occuring themes on this show and wonder if you’ll EVER fix that VCR… Maybe you’ll finally fix it then it’ll explode after playing Nightcourt 1 time, needing to be fixed again… SPOILERS!

    • Rob Rose

      I’m sorry but I just HAVE to ask… I can’t help it. .. you DO actually know who that is. .. right?

      • cabbo

        The magic of editing and make-up can be very convincing.

        • TapewormBike

          Except in hiding Mikes magnificent beer belly

      • Drain

        I do now, for whatever it is worth to you.

        • Rob Rose

          but you didn’t before? that’s crazy. that either shows how good he is at what he does or how dumb you are. I wonder which it is.

          • Drain

            Perhaps both, but it’s not like I was closely examining the guy.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Drain, that’s Mike Wazowski playing Palpy…

      • Drain

        It’s one of the main guys?! Holy crap, I didn’t notice at all. I’m going to have to start reading credits and paying more attention.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          Mike Wazowski is the small, green, one-eyed monster from Monsters Inc.

  • Percy Gryce

    Rich is an international superstar. He can pull better ass than this.

  • Matthew Shannon

    omg i lost it when the emperor said, “they’ve jumped the sharknado.”

  • Percy Gryce

    “then Palpy and Plinket interacted physically”

    I think that was only in the red-band version.

  • Cameron Vale

    Also, the Force is real.

  • Cameron Vale

    Hearing the people responsible for a bad movie try to defend it, or deflect blame for it, is pretty entertaining in its own right. Unless you’re talking about movies that are considered good, that you despise nonetheless: then I’d agree (although if I did have to sit through such a movie, I’d still probably want the commentary on).

  • ident

    Never said you said anything.

  • catnep

    Jay’s beard makes Mike seem thinner.

    • Now I Get It

      Mike’s jade them sakes meem bearder.

      • Percy Gryce

        Vodka gimlets before noon?

        • Now I Get It

          Hey, it’s last call somewhere.

  • catnep

    This needs a “Hey Girl” meme.

  • Taft you FUCK

    Where’s “The World’s End”??? UNSUBSCRIBE!

    • Christopher Kulik

      All I want for Christmas is a Half in the Bag Pint Glass so I can use watching “The World’s End.”

  • bb-15

    The bit at the end after Palpy sends over the floating mail was great where Jay is riffing about the roaches liking any movie with Joe in the title (and Mike almost losing it).
    And then the endless fart.

    What can I say. Awesome stuff.

    • Paul Schumann

      hehe did you see the ending they did with the colostomy bag? Can’t remember which HitB it was… they were decrying bottom denominator humor in movies :D

      • Marvin Falz

        I think it’s the Revenge of the Rise of the Fallen Moon one and it’s so cleverly set up and executed. They wouldn’t drag it out, wouldn’t drag it out, really wouldn’t draaaag it out. Mailman Tommy is the one with the fucked up attitude. Mozart’s Day of Wrath (Dies Irae). Plinkett silently enjoying the puking and shitting, eating something chocolate-y. It was the first time I came up with the most important principle to protect myself from RLM shows related health problems: never eat while watching RLM! (You already guessed it, I never stick to my principle).

  • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube of Nazareth over 9000

    How they do that? I m highly satisfied but i would still beg for more..

  • MBagely

    I like Plinkett having another character to riff off

  • Pingback: Swamps of Sadness | And They Lived…

  • Manaconda

    fuking awesome… as usual

  • catnep

    Perfect.

  • catnep

    Fair enough. I’m viewing it with a generational lens, an ear trumpet and advancing dementia.

    • Now I Get It

      You had me at varicose veins.

      • catnep
        • Now I Get It

          Bah! Cosmetic surgery, motived by sheer vein-ity. Dealbreaker!

          (Gawd, that image! You won’t believe this, but I was actually going to write “You had me at blue cheese breath,” a truly demented cheese preference I’ve always associated with “mature” adults.)

          • catnep

            And now you know how it’s made. NHS cheese!

          • Now I Get It
          • catnep

            LOL. Perhaps you know this? If you’ve never seen Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, you must find it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PuZdH9Ka1w

          • Now I Get It

            Bless you. I had no clue that the IT geek in “The Office” was Matthew Holness.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z8pgV74_Hw

            That scene, a gem of self-unawareness, was also unnerving in a way I wouldn’t see again till I watched Joe Mantegna in “Edmond” and James Spader in his NBC “Office” debut.

            So, coincidently, I recently started a Region-2 DVD collection – quite by accident, to shorten the story – with “Marenghi” as 1 or 1a on my wishlist with “Brass Eye”, even though I’d never seen either. But now this link you sent clinches it.

            Thanks bunchly for juicing my motivation. (I just have to figure which Amazon UK vendors will ship here and what the rates are – still confused.)

          • catnep

            Psst. You can watch Darkplace on You Tube. I purposely didn’t link to the long version episode (in case RLM would object) but it is there if you search. The entire ‘only’ season might be uploaded there… but I can’t see any reason not to buy a permanent copy for the collection! You won’t regret it.

          • Now I Get It

            And bless the internet, maybe the only venue in life where middlemen – You Tube, Disqus, et al – can add value free to the transactions of the likes of us. …But, yeah, in the long run I’ll probably buy.

            http://www.ethicalim.com/images/middle-man.jpg

          • Now I Get It

            Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…[wheeze]…hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…

          • catnep

            I know that laugh!

          • Now I Get It

            Oh, my Christing crap! I watched the first two episodes yesterday, but I could tell just from the opening how good it was going to be.

            When I got into it, the stories were this parody of those doctor shows, but then the cutaways were a satire of the people who make them. So, each episode was like a mash-up of “Childrens Hospital” and the old SCTV shows.

            But it’s better – way, way better – than either of them, because the jokes are so tightly packed, like how Tina Fey described “30 Rock” as a sardine can full of jokes, or how Mitch Hurwitz described “Arrested Development” – both of which also had some variation of the show-within-a-show motif.

            And then the cast: Holness I love, and Matt Berry I’ve liked ever since his small part on “Sarah Silverman Program” led me to “Snuff Box”, a show I don’t really understand but like anwyay.

            I simply must get the DVDs now, including “Man to Man”. Thanks for pushing the series, Never have I feasted on such unclean flesh.

          • TapewormBike

            That’s what friends ARE there for!

          • Now I Get It

            Going against that particular grain of thought, I got a down-vote for the comment at the end of this link., But, then, so did everyone else who partook in the spirit of that thread.

            http://redlettermedia.com/best-of-the-worst-bloody-birthday-crazy-fat-ethel-ii-and-psycho-from-texas/#comment-1057035004

          • Percy Gryce

            My NIGI,

            Are you in media or academia or just a superfan?

          • Now I Get It

            None of the above, including possibly a “NIGI,” which I could not find in either the Urban or Oxford dictionaries. (It might be a place in the Philippines. Still not sure.)

          • Percy Gryce

            As Freud said, sometimes a slur is just an acronym.

          • Now I Get It

            Well, I can believe that. As with a constellation, you have to know the literal thing already, before you can see it in the slur or the acronym. And Freud was a great one for claiming that the truth is in The Implicit.

            Unfortunately, the only NIGI acronym I know is the National Institute for Gover… Wait a minute! [Sigh.] Congratulations on another bit of seamless wordplay.

            http://www.allacronyms.com/NIGI

            (And, no, I’m still none of those other three things, thank you very much.)

          • Percy Gryce

            So who are you? And I don’t want to read “No one of consequence.”

            http://www.hark.com/clips/yjqtkzghsz-get-used-to-disappointment

          • Now I Get It

            As you’ve surmised, I’ve had that answer sheathed but ready for some time. Only now that I can’t use it, I’ve had to devise a new reply that’s truer to tropes of my own.

            I make a modest living combing up-votes from a rocky beach at the edge of the forest. Some votes blow down from the trees, some float in on the tide, but no two votes make land in the same place or at a time I can foresee.

            At least they didn’t, until, looking back, I saw that the ground behind me had no more, and that the new ground I covered, day by day, had always been ahead of me, where the shore begins narrowing toward its most easterly point.

            There, it would be impossible to tell if what I found had blown down from the trees, across the beach, and into the sea, only to float back in on the tide, or been thrown up from the sea, over the beach, and onto the forest floor, only to grow up among the trees.

            Then I did foresee that when I can no longer tell that difference, I will have had enough, but that I might still sort those mingled things into rows, if only I could “gather them in the one garden I may call my own.”

            So…by the fictions and facts that I have always here lived by, who must I be?

          • catnep

            “A sardine can full of jokes” is a fitting description or perhaps a cheese wheel of 80s brilliance! You’re welcome. The opening theme and explosions reminded me of the A-Team. And let’s face it, Lucien Sanchez is just dreamy. What a barotone and that hair… I think he’s my favorite character. Especially when his voice doesn’t quite match up with what he’s saying! Oh but there’s too many great things to mention as you know. Glad to have introduced you.

          • Now I Get It

            “…cheese wheel of 80s brilliance…”

            …that just keeps spinning…till you remember they only made six. (Waaa.) But the Brits are smart that way.

            “A gem of six facets. Reflecting inward. To infinity. Forever.” – Garth Marenghi

          • Cameron Vale

            It’s my understanding that the creators claim Marenghi is a parody of horror writer Shaun Hutson, and that the show is a parody of 80s anthology horror. But, it bears a truly odd resemblance to Kingdom Hospital, and its eponymous fictional creator does curiously well as a send-up of Stephen King. Taken this way, the 80s style could be a reference to the strange inclination of most King adaptations (on screens both silver and small) towards 80s sensibilities.

          • Now I Get It

            Yes, that’s a more precise comparison than I offered. The horror parody is essential to Marenghi, as opposed to Childrens Hospital, which parodies prime time soaps, and SCTV, which parodied TV-land in general.

            Coincidently or not, I went from Marenghi pretty directly to “League of Gentlemen”, which combines comedy and pure nuthouse horror, without any parody. It is a Brit show, though, so, who knows what it might have sent up that I missed? (Possibly Catnep.) From there I migrated to the LoG follow-up “Psychoville”, which I still haven’t seen because the vendor sold me PAL editions without telling me, and I still don’t have a player for them.

          • TapewormBike

            God I love that show

          • catnep

            Me too… it’s hilarious camp. I wish they’d done more than one little season!

  • amanda_87

    Yeah, I know, but this was in a chat with fans. I think one of them actually reacted to it when I said it, but I forget what it was exactly.

    Besides, a girl can dream, can’t she. (hi Jay)

  • Now I Get It

    Either way, your screenplay is LATE, and we’re all sitting here with nothing to do.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    bizniz*

    • Now I Get It

      I’ll trade you an up-vote for an explanation of that single asterisk.

  • ident

    subjective.

    • Christopher Kulik

      That too :)

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    utoob mai b bettar 4 ur needz

  • spidertour02

    I think I’ve gotten to the bottom of the Amber Lynn thing. (Wait, that sounds wrong …)

    Barry J. Gillis wrote and starred in Things. Amber Lynn’s longtime partner was a porn actor and producer named Jamie Gillis. It’s possible that they were relatives (brothers? cousins?), and Jamie helped Barry out by getting Amber Lynn to be in Barry’s little movie.

    • Patrick Wells

      Or…they’re the same person, and the “J” stands for “Jamie”. Hence, the film was made by said porn actor and producer.

  • Martín Galarza Flores

    Mike’s Palpatine voice is so cute.

  • trololololololol

    The only movies i’ve seen 3 times (or more) are ‘Terminator 2′ and ‘The Undertaker And His Pals’

    • Joe Syxpac

      I have that second one around here somewhere. It came in a 5 buck box set with a bunch of other craptastic horror flicks.

  • Kai-Ta-Loipa

    Mike: “We saw the big, big movies.”
    Jay: “We saw the big movies, and there were a couple big ones we missed.”
    Jay: “…but we did see some movies, mostly smaller ones, I guess.”

  • TJ

    It’s because they didn’t use wallpaper space

  • John

    I bet he’s shy. I bet he and Jay, if they ever went out to bars, only talked to other dudes. Because they’re a couple of shy babies.

  • John

    The makeup however is

    MEDIOCRE!!!!!!!!

  • John

    Odd.

    Considering they criticize for heroin $$$.

  • John

    It looks like Rich Evans has lot quite a bit of wei…. oh…. nvm

  • John

    More like let me say something really awkward about killing children then not get laid by the guest interviewer.

    Jay is a 4everalone.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Why would he want to be laid by Colin from Canada?

      • Now I Get It

        Because kaw-awck.

  • John

    Some guy I know says you don’t have the balls or the talent to be able to match or top the quality criticism of the initial Plinkett SW Prequel reviews.

  • splimis

    I want to see Sharktomopolis vs. Octoplopolis.

  • Paul Schumann

    RichEvans!

  • http://www.thelancast.com/ David Moulton

    Is Rich Evans a mayor? Can he be the mayor of my town?

    • Not Claude Akins

      Rich Evans is the mayor of beefcaketown, but only ladies can live there.

  • Half Machine Lip Moves

    I can’t use blip since a few days. It works on my phone, but strangely it doesn’t work on my PC or laptop. When I click on play, the loading symbol just keeps spinning and nothing happens. Does someone else has this problem?

    • ident

      clear your cache and cookies. May help.

      • Half Machine Lip Moves

        Aah it works again. It was the cookies, thanks.

        • ident

          Glad it worked.

  • Not Claude Akins

    That opening bit was gold. Pure gold, I tell ya. Bravo, gents.

  • Alex
  • jnoble

    The best line: “What the fuck you talkin’ aboot?”

  • metalraygear

    I can’t believe that you subverted my expectations, you bastards…. I was expecting that doll to pop up…..

    • cobrazombie

      ‘Yup, here’s your problem. Someone set this thing to ‘Evil’”.

  • babyjew

    Well, that makes sense lol But I thought the ending showed that even if things suck life moves on and Boris learns you shouldn’t take life too seriously, which I guess is the point of the movie.

  • Concerned Citizen

    Love the show guys! But can you explain to me why you are criticizing a movie you’ve never seen (Sharknado) for being intentionally campy, when all of your own films are that way? (Space Cop, Feeding Frenzy, every Half in the Bag episode…)

    • ident

      They don’t criticize intentional camp. Camp is intentional, typically. They question the fun of ironically watching a bad movie, when that movie is intentionally bad. Birdemic and The Room were not campy, they were bad.

      • Private_Eyescream

        Campy Movie (amusing because the director was dead-serious, but the movie was laughably poor in quality and tied too hard to a temporally-stale genre of society)

        Crampy Movie (director tried seriously to make a Campy Movie with all the oddball quirks of that style and they failed at making an even tolerable movie because the style of the movie comes across as being overly cynical and exploitative of the audience)

        Campy Movies can be good in that the director & stars actually had talent and a somewhat compelling script concept, but they didn’t have the special effect budget or skills strong enough to pull off the concept as they desired.

        Crampy Movies are made nearly as cheap as possible and usually are a criminal fraud against the investors & product placement tie-ins as well as any audience unfortunate to experience the Crampy Movie result.

        The exception of Crampy Movies having no value for existing is that audiences CRAVE EMOTIONAL STIMULATION. Feeling happy, feeling sad, feeling terror, feeling comfort, feeling excitement, feeling relief; these emotions are the stock & trade of popular well-funded movies.

        However, with Crampy Movies, the audience feels:
        Disappointment at themselves, anger at the director, a feeling of personal shame, the rage at being defrauded for an entertainment experience, cynical hilarious mocking at the actors, and so on.

        Campy Movies give you feelings toward the movie itself and maybe the actors.

        Crampy Movies give you META-FEELINGS toward yourself and the creators of the Crampy movie. In that sense, Crampy Movies are META-ENTERTAINMENT because they take you out of the passive movie-viewing experience and instead (like a live semi-passive sporting event) make you an active part of the immediately emoting large audience. Instead of viewing the Crampy Movie as a spectator, you see the Crampy Movie in the mindset of an amateur director or production crew mindset. You begin to review the special effects team’s efforts, the cameraman’s skills, the audio production team’s competence, and so on.

        In regular movie entertainment, if all of the production team is exceptionally competent & skilled at their professions, the result is that they become FORGOTTEN & INVISIBLE. In Crampy Movies, you are paying emotionally-invested time to the production team because their efforts are flawed or underskilled and in that, their often-ignored-entirely skills become a matter of open discussion. The worse the production team does, the more attention is spent focusing upon them by the audience.

        Just one of the sad ironies of entertainment film production laid bare.
        Do great and you are a forgotten ghost, ignored by all.
        Do lousy and you are the talk of the town, remembered for decades.

    • redletterjay

      There’s a difference between using your low budget to your advantage by using humor and making something intentionally crappy for cynical reasons. Granted, I haven’t seen Sharknado but I’ve seen enough other Asylum movies and read enough about the company to know what their motivations are.

      • sepiajack

        For me it also boils down to that the asylum is basically a shifty money making scheme, they aren’t making these movies for a love of story telling or cinema, they are just churning out cheap knock offs for a profit. It’s like going to a dollar store, and seeing the lame ‘pretend to be brand name’ products hoping people won’t see a difference between ‘crispy rice’ cereal and actual ‘rice crispies’ cereal.

        It falls more in line with what you guys pointed out about ‘jack and jill’ than an actual movie.

        • Guest

          I actually know an employee of Asylum who worked on Sharknado, and even though I formerly agreed with you, his attitude about the movie made me change my mind. While he did earn a paycheck, his involvement struck me as the same tongue-in-cheek attitude that I’ve come to appreciate in much of RedLetterMedia’s work. I don’t believe all of Asylum’s employees are as cynical as they’re made out to be.

          • TapewormBike

            What the hell man, that has been said already..STOP MAKING MY BRAIN HURT!

        • TapewormBike

          Good point, lets just wait till the whole business goes Asylum. I personally prefer the works of art of auteurs such as Lloyd Kaufman or Herschel Gordon Lewis.

        • Pa Kent Says Maybe

          “They are just churning out cheap knock-offs for a profit.”

          And that is different from Marvel Studios how, exactly? ( Oh, you meant “cheap,” as in cost. Not “cheap,” as in devoid of worth? )

          C’mon. There’s no difference between the enjoyment a person can have from watching SHARKNADO, thinking it can’t get more ridiculous and having to re-think that thought every five minutes, and the enjoyment one can have from watching THINGS three times. It’s just a personal preference.

          People who intentionally make crap for money are somehow lesser than people who just make crap because they can’t make anything else?

          The theory of relative crap?

          • sepiajack

            The difference with Marvel is they actually have genuine talent and effort involved, and they aren’t stealing other people’s ideas in the hopes that some hapless parent won’t know the difference between Transformers and Transmorphers and buy it for their kids.

            Is there some enjoyment to be had? Sure, and I won’t take that away from someone who gets some fun out of it. But to just make a cheap replica of an existing popular movie in the hopes that people might by the imposter by accident is a pretty low ploy.

            At least Sharknado is original.

            But right now on TMN they are running a movie that I believe is from the asylum or some similar company that is actually called:

            ‘Independence Day-Zaster’ and it has the production values of a porno movie and CGI only one grade above Amazing Bulk.

            It’s not a parody of Independence day, but it is an alien invasion movie, and all of the ‘actors’ in it are ‘acting’ like they are in a serious movie. But it’s clear it was made so that someone might accidentally mistake it for the Will Smith Independence day and buy it.

            It’s a scam. Like some dude selling fake Rolex watches on the street corner. I have a tough time imagining the people working on these things and not wishing they were doing something, anything else.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Didn’t Crazy Fat Ethel II happen because the Asylum ran out of funding?

        • sepiajack

          You know people constantly use the word ‘irony’ and ‘ironic’ incorrectly?

          You just used actual irony. Bravo sir!

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Isn’t it ironic, then, that I had no idea I was being ironic?

          • TapewormBike

            Irony within irony within..

          • sepiajack

            No!

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            From what I can find it seems some forms of irony really depend on each person’s expectations.

      • Concerned Citizen

        I actually know an employee of Asylum who worked on Sharknado, and even though I formerly agreed with you, his attitude about the movie made me change my mind. While he did earn a paycheck, his involvement struck me as the same tongue-in-cheek attitude that I’ve come to appreciate in much of RedLetterMedia’s work. I don’t believe all of Asylum’s employees are as cynical as they may appear to be.

        • TapewormBike

          They sometimes hire really talented people, but give them zero budget and no time. For example a director Trey Stokes, who used to be a sfx supervisor on movies like The Abyss and Starship Troopers and did series of SW fan films called Pink Five, directed Moby Dick 2010 and is VERY much aware of what he was dealing with. He also talked about how the fx people there are talented proffesionals, who then are told to do 100 effect shots in like a month or something similar.

      • catnep

        You have a giant brian, Jay.

    • TapewormBike

      The thing about The Asylum is that they’re not so bad it’s funny, their just so bad and boring. They are very much aware of what they got on their hands, which is loads of cash made from cheapo crappy movies. Troma is the same way, but in some of their projects at least you can feel a) love for the schlock and b) some actual hilarity based on delivering funny scene, not just “look at me being untalented”. Schlock with talented people behind the script and camera is great (RLM and James Gunn come to mind) and really bad movies made with heart but no talent, proper equpiment, logic and so on can be wonderful. When I am being sold an intentionally bad product and am supposed to rejoice, it makes me feel angry. I was really happy RLM didn’t jump on the bandwagon with Sharknado, because it got extremely obnoxious. Even guys on How Did This Get made felt compelled to make a special about it, but it is the same as with putting Miley Cyrus in a whore package and selling her back to the public.

  • catnep

    How could she not be flattered by this? Somewhat should mail this to her agent. Someone=Jay.

  • Shawn

    Review “Gravity”. It seems right up your alley.

    • HNSZ

      George Clooney and Sandra Bullock in space. I’ve seen two trailers and they were both laughable. On of the reviewers on imdb called it an: “Outstanding Sci-Fi Film”. It’s not of course, it’s a date flick

      • TapewormBike

        Man, I hate being an asshole to people, but you are being an asshole to a movie. Which you have not seen.

        • TapewormBike

          Like, dude, can you imagine how hurt will George Clooney be after he reads your comment on this site, under random video not about gravity?

      • TapewormBike

        Btw, besides you being wrong to judge a movie just on trailers and cast, Im the same – the trailers looked too “CGIy” and the way everything moved felt unnatural to me. I of course realize just how much work went into those shots, but I was not impressed. I also never ever liked Sandra Bullock. What I loved though were Children of Men and Y Tu Mama Tambien, so I expect to like the movie.

  • Thanatos2k

    You mean Palpatine has flies.

    • sepiajack

      In return of the Jedi he also has that weird animated black worm next to his face.

  • Cameron Vale

    It’s just like The Odd Couple. One of their weaknesses is overconfidence, and the other’s weakness is his faith in his friends.

    • Drain

      Or rather, his faith in VCR repair men. But I hope we see more of “Palpy”, that was too good, lol.

  • Cameron Vale

    Hollywood Ending is a movie about what would happen if Woody Allen made a Transformers movie.

  • Strelnikov

    I’d heard about “THINGS” from other sites (Canuxploitation.com comes to mind) and the clips Mike and Jay ran sort of summed up the deliberate awfulness of this movie…..very reminiscent of such indie flicks as “Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars”, “Geek Maggot Bingo”, and “Weasels Rip my Flesh” EXCEPT there is no real art to it, because these are just drunk goobers with a camera. And now I have to see the retardation of Canadian cinema for myself.

  • Now I Get It

    The design was a budget thing. They made it from the old Hank Kinglsey office set. It’s kind of nostalgic, in its way.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh my god, please, when the new Star Wars movie comes out, give it the Plinkett treatment but in Palpys voice. Pretty please? I for one think that the sheer awesomeness of that would break the universe.

    • Drain

      It would get old fast if he did that. I think the Emperor is best just kept to cameos like he has been. That is Plinkett’s show afterall.

      • TapewormBike

        Deep down, I know you are right, but refuse to let my dreams go!

    • Thanatos2k

      Seriously, fuck Plinkett reviews – I want Palpatine reviews!

      Starting with Dragon Ball Z: Bardok Father of Goku.

  • Mister_Misinformed

    Has anyone said “hack frauds” yet in this comment section? I never fail to LOL when people repeat things I’ve heard before a hundred times.

    • TapewormBike

      It rhymes…

    • ident

      It’s almost as if those comments, in fact all these comments, aren’t meant for you but for a wider audience. Perhaps, and stop me if this sounds crazy, its almost like no one knows who the fuck you are, how many times you’ve heard something, or cares about either of those things.

      • Mister_Misinformed

        Right back atcha, hon!

        • TapewormBike

          You two need to get those sick burns treated

          • Mister_Misinformed

            You have an interesting fantasy life.

      • Real Quantum

        who the fuck are you?

        • ident

          I’m you on another account.

          • Real Quantum

            Doubtful.
            I’m not a douchebag.

          • ident

            So you do know me. No need to be coy.

          • Real Quantum

            What can I say?
            I’m a glutton for punishment.
            And I love butt-fucked by farm animals trolls like yourself.
            Keep ‘em coming, dickless.

          • ident

            And I’m the douchebag.

          • Real Quantum

            See?
            You’re starting to get it.

          • Now I Get It

            “…I love being butt-fucked by farm animals…”

            What the hell, a little can’t hurt ya. But the peritonitis…?

            http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4771142905890310&pid=1.7

          • Real Quantum

            Are you hitting on me?
            Dude!

          • Now I Get It

            Well, what can I tell you? They shipped the mares to another brood for the winter, and that cleft in Spock’s fingers just looks so receptive, I started thinking maybe, uhhh…

            Full disclosure, though: I’m not a troll – I know that’s part of your thing – but I do walk on four legs and I do live on a farm. I like long strolls in the pasture, as long as it’s in the early evening before the bats come out and start attacking the flies in my mane and tail – and let’s see, what else? – I only like to shit when I’m walking along the fence for some reason. I don’t really understand it; I was just born that way. Oh, and most of the time I really, really stink.

            So, if any of this is, uhm, dissolving your inhibitions… Also, I’m very, very bi-pedal curious, and from what I hear you’re on the fence about your human half, so…hey, let me know.

          • Real Quantum

            Man, you can just go fuck yourself. XD

          • Now I Get It

            I was going to start without you anyway, but, by all means, tap in if feel the urge.

          • Real Quantum

            XD

            If Disqus had that option, I would give 10 likes to your previous comment. :D :D

          • Now I Get It

            Ta.

  • sepiajack

    I wonder if there is an outtakes/blooper reel of Mike as Palpy, some of those lines must have been murder to get through without laughing

  • TapewormBike

    So The Conjuring s a real actual motion picture, based on facts. Dig that

    • ident

      Yep. The Conjuring is based on a true story. Unfortunately, the true story is based on bullshit, but we don’t want to get lost in the details. Enjoy your crappy ghost movie.

      • TapewormBike

        Dude, go watch the Red Tails review and then come back to me

        • ident

          Because I don’t play along, doesn’t mean I don’t get it.

          • TapewormBike

            You sir are a meanie head

          • ident

            Fair enough.

    • sepiajack

      A good example of how much ‘based on a true story’ means is this:

      1) Psycho is ‘based on a true story’
      2) Texas Chain Saw massacre is ‘based on a true story’
      and
      3) Silence of the Lambs is ‘based on a true story’

      They are all based on the same story though. Ed gains.
      Those three movies could not be more different, but all feature a killer wearing clothes made from a dead person.

      That’s how much of it is ‘true’

      • TapewormBike

        Lot of people are very negative about Ed Gein, but in my humble opinion, I think that his interior decoration skills compeltely redeem him.

  • Bacchus

    I loved Drive but avoided Only God Forgives. It’s not that I’m expecting more of the same, but from reading reviews/watching the trailers I got a bad feeling about it. Jay seemed to sum up the critical opinion nicely and put across the theme of the movie well. They couldn’t discuss it further as Mike hadn’t seen it. I’ll prob view it on demand anyway.

    • TapewormBike

      It’s not bad, IF you are not expecting Drive. If you’ve seen other Refn movies, especially Valhalla Rising and some Pushers, you might like it. The metaphors are a bit too obvious, but this movie really is not about subtlety in any way.

      • TapewormBike

        When I heard that they booed it at Cannes, I really wanted to see it then.

        • Bacchus

          Not that familiar with Refn’s other work (save Bronson) but being booed at Cannes is usually the sign of an interesting movie. I’ll definitely have to see it sometime.

          • TapewormBike

            I can wholeheartedly recommend Pushers, especially the second one for Mads Mikkelsen and the third one for the gutting scene alone.

          • Bacchus

            Sold. Thanks for the recommendations!

          • TapewormBike

            You’re very welcome. No dick hands in those.

  • TapewormBike

    I have no interest in seeing Blue Jasmine, although Blanchett seems to be acting the hell out of it. I am for some reason unable to enjoy Woody Allen movies that do not feel woodyalleny

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s like poetry, it forks in the brains.

  • sepiajack

    ASMR?

  • super butt

    This Half in the Bag episode is better when you watch it with someone who hasn’t seen it before.

    • ident

      And a big tub of popcorn with a hole in the bottom.

  • Now I Get It

    I checked UrbanDictionary.com again for both “Shots and Web Vindaloos” and “The Bergowskis” and it says they’re both still in pre-production.

    (And there you have it: dry, drier, driest.)

  • Drain

    ???
    I must also question the downvotes I got. Apparently some people didn’t like the Emperor cameo.

  • Drain

    They’re going to take as long as they want, Half in the bag is not their only project or job. They’re also going to talk about whatever they want to talk about. If you didn’t care, you didn’t have to watch it. It’s illogical to come in to a FREE show, then complain about the time it took or what they talked about.

  • TapewormBike

    Mike, Jay and Rich look like totally nice guys in all the behind the scenes stuff.

  • TapewormBike

    Now we know who’s gonna play Jay in the biopic.

  • Scott

    Kind of interesting find: an interview with Barry J. Gillis on Canadian TV, before it was released:

    http://vimeo.com/24338948

    he seems to at least appreciate horror films. He’s obviously nervous as all hell throughout this interview

  • Marvin Falz

    Uhm, two thoughts, one silly, one badly presented:

    1st) I need somebody who’s able to toilet-train my brain,
    2nd) Palpy’s appearance satisfies my burning fanly needs, but I fear his appearance is a sign that there won’t be another commentary track for a long long time.
    (I’m kind of glad that I deleted my picture.)

    • Now I Get It

      And which was the silly one?

      • Marvin Falz

        Beats me.

  • jnorris441

    Wait, did The Conjuring doll escape the plastic box halfway through?

  • catnep

    I just wanna say your cat is beautiful. In a totally uncreepy voice.

  • catnep

    Someone make this happen!

  • El_Runko

    Yeah, I guess Jay is pretty hot now. But part of me liked it better when he was the fatter one. http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a235/sirrunk/130-2-Kopia_zpsd1649366.png

    • Marvin Falz

      This pic could be part of a trivia game. Who do you see on this picture?
      a) Ernie and Bert
      b) The Olsen Twins
      c) Metallica
      d) two video-repairmen in a retirement home

      • DeColonise

        I bet its a comibation of b,c and d.

        • Marvin Falz

          *ding ding ding* WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

          • DeColonise

            oh my God, I have not won anythin in my entire life!!!111!
            Thank you kind…. you! :)

          • ident

            You didn’t actually win anything this time either.

  • TapewormBike

    I just rewatched Sixth Sense and am in twisty kinda mood. Plinkett and George Lucas have never been in the same room and areto both played by the sexiest man alive. Do you see where Im going with this?

  • John Nelson

    So when is Plinkett doing another review.

  • Chris

    Insidious 2 was absolute crap.

    • dollar store cashier wife

      whatchu talkin bout willis? everyone loves to see a horror movie sacrifice scary moments for a dumb convoluted plot right? right?

  • Poopfeast420

    where the hell is plinkett the animated series you lazy assholes

  • Jon

    Hey Mike Berman and Jay Berman. If you guys do another 24 hour thing this year you should put “Things” in it.

  • TapewormBike

    Are you trying to scare Mike Stoklasa?

  • Now I Get It

    Somewhere near the beginning of *True and False*, David Mamet repeats the folk tale that it was once customary for actors to be buried at (I think) a crossroads with a stake through the heart, as a kind of posthumous execution of their artistic soul – lest it resurrect itself, I suppose.

    And now here’s my equally oddball link to a piece on a Dutch thief, who was posthumously gibbeted in 1668, after he committed suicide to cheat the law.

    http://www.executedtoday.com/2013/06/26/1668-a-dutch-suicide-posthumously-gibbeted/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ExecutedToday+%28Executed+Today%29

  • TapewormBike

    When will you guys take your next dump? Because I have incredibly specific request for what food you should eat and I also want you to enjoy it exactly the same way as I did before you shit the crap out. Or Im gonna be dissapointed and angry. Something something hack frauds.

  • TapewormBike

    I am the most level headed skeptical person there is. Until Im alone in my apartment and I hear a sound I cannot readily explain. So, like, fuck you dude:)

  • omgnoway

    “AHHHHHHhh!!! BLAHHHHhh!!! Can you hear me!?!! AHHHHH!!! HELP ME!!!!”
    “Hey buddy, you all right?”

    so hilarious XD glad you guys are back

  • Private_Eyescream

    Emperor Palpatine?

    Palpation is used as part of a physical examination in which an object is felt (usually with the hands of a healthcare practitioner) to determine its size, shape, firmness, or location.

    Palpation should not be confused with palpitation, which is an awareness of the beating of the heart.

    Come see the new movie, “The Emporium of Palpating Tina” at your local Bijou.

    • Cameron Vale

      It’s like “palpable,” able to be palpated (palped?).

  • Private_Eyescream

    No feature length movie for the ultimate creature of cinema?
    Unleashed to bring order from chaos.
    Monumental in power.
    A power strong enough to sway an entire city to its will…

    THE HIGHLAND… ELECTRONIC THING!

    1984 Detroit Highland Electronic Thing Commercial
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVn_6f2mroU

    Highland’s Electronic Thing Commercial
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A84vAiPcDWk

    Highland Superstores – The Electronic Thing (1987)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmlYxbv4rgQ

    1991-Highland’s Electronic
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63P8XsBsNcU

  • TapewormBike

    Anybody remembers the time when Half in the Bag was “the guy who does Plinkett and some other dude”? Now Jay has a beard and everything.

    • Marvin Falz

      Yeahs, Mike Stoklasa and the other guy. I revisit these old times contently, when the magic was already there and everything was simpler, showing that if the magic is there, simple things are great as well as are the complex ones.

    • Necrophagi

      He’s the man now, dawg.

  • diehounderdoggen

    Having watched Things, I don’t think Mike and not-Mike could possibly do it justice with conventional human language. It is the bottom of the cinematic barrel in every way possible, as if somebody set out with deliberate intent to make the most objectively terrible movie possible. I’m re-rewatching it right now and I’ve been wracking my brain for almost 2 hours to find anything competent about it, drawing blanks all the way. It’s comforting to know that no matter how many insipid remakes/reboots or toothless general audience action movies get made, it cannot possibly get any worse than Things.

    • mantaradio

      thats better than not-Mike, thats JAY! who looks got-damn hot with a beard.

      • diehounderdoggen

        Truly he is a contender for World’s Sexiest Editor 2013, second only to Michael Kahn

        • TapewormBike

          Well, because he is also the sexiest actor (playing “Jay”) and both sfx and vfx guy, I think he wins by default.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!

    • TapewormBike

      Do people really still not know who Jay is?

      • Paul Schumann

        In the still image for this episode I was thinking that was Jay on the OGF poster for a second there…

        • TapewormBike

          A new extreme then, people see Jay everywhere. And I thnk that is a good trend. Btw, USA has its first african american president – are you ready for 2016, the first dual president? Vote RLM!

  • Mark Bisone

    Finally got around to watching Only Zod Forgives the other night. My wife thought Ryan Gosling’s character was “filled with longing.” I thought he was filled with lithium.

    Does anyone know a good divorce lawyer?

    • Percy Gryce

      That’s the easy way out.

      Try the meat cleaver. Remember to swing hard enough to break the bones.

      • Mark Bisone

        I fear all movies will be like this someday, Percy: a bunch of statue-still mutes staring blankly at each other for 70 minutes, then getting castrated by emotionless Asian robots in the third act.

        (In other words, ads for Obamacare.)

        • Percy Gryce

          So you’re saying that I am required to buy a ticket to watch this movie–or else pay a tax?!

          • Mark Bisone

            Hey, it’s not a “tax”, okay?

            It’s just money you owe the government, so they can dish it out to a bunch of freeloaders who’ve been trained to despise you.

            Check your facts!

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            cheque you’re fax*

          • TapewormBike

            or as English people say “Shag your fags”

  • Mark Bisone

    In the royal tradition of this comments section, I was going to write a long-winded, rambling screed explaining why “Only God Forgives” sucks donkey chode. But I found that, even though the movie is 35 hours long, not enough happens in it to properly whine about.

    Endless P.O.V. shots of things going into and coming out of vaggies. An inscrutable Oriental robot with a sword. An even more inscrutable honkey robot without a sword. A Ozzyland mick who stinks at his job. An anorexic hooker’s corpse appraises her son’s shlong. Cut to shots of Robocop singing in some sort of karaoke morgue. Cut to hands, hands, hands. Cut hands.

    If Jodorowsky had a retarded teenage clone, he would have directed this turd.

    • TapewormBike

      Ï thought the movie was ok, but I like seeing you not like it.

      • Paul Schumann

        there were pretty colors :) but it was rather slow :(

        • TapewormBike

          Y…

          • TapewormBike

            ….e….

          • TapewormBike

            ………

          • TapewormBike

            ..s

          • TapewormBike

            (moving the eyes)

    • Percy Gryce

      Well, you’ve got my interest, but how are you going to close the deal?

    • Percy Gryce

      Oh, and everywhere I turn these days, it’s Jodorowsky, Jodorowsky, Jodorowsky–The Holy Mountain this, and El Topo that. What is this guy, some kind of George Lucas clone?

      • Mark Bisone

        Well, he does have a birthday coming up in February. Not sure what to get him. I was thinking “armless Polynesian midget in a soiled loin cloth and pith helmet”, but he probably already has one.

        • Percy Gryce

          He just called to say that he has two–one in the standard soiled loin cloth and one in a teal banana hammock.

        • TapewormBike

          You can always cut off his arms and walk behind him at all times. You know, something from the heart, none of that commercial Polynesian midget stuff.

  • Billy Nunez

    the scene where he reaches up the girls skirt is even more complex than that. The way its edited makes it look like Gosling is imagining his mom, while the girl is imagining some buff asian guys. That scene shows how neither of them are actually attracted to each other, and that Gosling’s character has to think of his mom to try to get turned on because of the apparent forced incest in his past.
    at least, thats what I got out of it. love the movie.

  • Paul Schumann

    I saw it knowing it was gonna be weird, had an open mind, but found it difficult to nail down all the elements. I got that there was an Old Testament-style God at work, but it was difficult to wrap my mind around.
    I’m mildly curious if the karaoke songs the inspector sang were love songs. It would be fitting – as even though most remember the OT God for meting out justice, he still loved his people dearly.
    I still want to see more of Windig-Refn in the future, but this one I can’t recommend without reservations.

  • winzentween

    that laugh…………rich is a legend, also love the entire evil but pedantic emperor and the ‘hitb has gone to sh@t lol’ so funny.

  • winzentween

    it went on too long at the end and an otherwise excellent episode descended into something ‘less’, still great though but turn off when he starts farting to end on a high note lol :D

  • SUPERSOUP

    I’m never sure whether his Midwestern accent is coming out or whether he’s trying really hard not to say ‘whore’. Maybe a habit held over from childhood? Kids, being the stupidest people on earth, used to pretend I was saying ‘whore’ whenever I said ‘horror’.

  • AnimationWorksNL

    This is movie magic in its simplest and purest form … just that small editing trick makes me believe that Mike and Palpy are in the same room at the same time. Whereas greenscreening, CGI or other fancy effects only would have reminded me they are NOT. Love it. Good talk on lesser known movies too. Thanks!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The proud mayor of Denny’s

  • ikilledacat

    I *really* wanted to love Only God Forgives because I adored Drive. They are similar in the sense that they are both gorgeously shot and have simplistic plots. However, Drive had captivating charas with believable motivations, OGF had deplorable charas with preposterous motivations. The movie made my head hurt and my skin crawl.

    • Pissernacht

      Sonofabitch! Why do you keep saying “charas” instead of “characters?”

      What the fuck is so anathema about FOUR MORE FUCKING LETTERS?!

  • boodomi

    In episode 24 Mike says about Red Tails: “It’s offensive and I’m not even black”, and still in this episode Jay believes Mike is.
    What a horrible CONTINUITY ERROR! UNSUBSCRIBED!

    • dollar store cashier wife

      Mike and Jay have jumped the sharknado.

  • SkaMP

    THINGS is the BEST movie ever produced!

  • Cameron Vale

    Maybe the movie should have a playbill that says all that shit.

  • Aaron

    Yeah I think Jay’s comments didn’t do justice to the film. I demand a public apology.

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