Half in the Bag: Justice League

November 18, 2017262 Comments

Mike, Jay and some guy named Rich discuss the latest DC movie Justice League, starring Batman, Superman’s weird CGI upper lip, Wonder Woman, and some other guys or whatever.

Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • FiachSidhe

    “Coming soon?” God, the joke has so many layers it’s like a Shrek metaphor.

  • t⛧my`

    Watching ice melt really brings back the awful memories of Jay’s vlog about Tay Sway.

  • It’s time… to SUFFER

  • “Just Ice League.”
    I get it…
    Jay is short.

  • The second I saw the 39% on RT opening night I said to myself “Okay, maybe I should just take the money I was going to spend on movie tickets for this turd(GF wanted to go I’m putting the foot down) and send it to your Patreon.”

    Because the entertainment value I’m going to get from the HiTB I’m about to watch? Priceless. There is some sort of schadenfreude I’m going to get from their snarky nitpicking magic that cannot be tapped from almost anywhere else, maybe because if this gets big enough we can make some real changes to the ENDLESS TRASH stream we are being fed – Battlefield just saw some real impact in their financials from a balloon of anger finally bursting, I can only gush at the thought of the same thing happening to Hollywood.

  • Steven Gibbs

    Just ICE HAHAHA THROW BACK I GOT IT CAUSE IM A TRUE FAN HAHAHA frauds

  • DasKleineTeilchen

    great. I was in the middle of opening my wrists; now I have to watch those hackfrauds again…will this suffer never end?

  • Steven Gibbs

    the suffering will end after 40 minutes of this shit then you can get back to the sweet release of death

  • ikdks

    They credited Danny Elfman and John Williams as composers, and Elfman produced the music.

  • Somebody Else

    Rich loves comic books. They should make him do a show about nothing but comic books because he loves comic books so much. But not with Jack.

  • Orson Hyde

    I saw this really drunk and don’t remember half of it. I guess I could say the same if I were sober…

  • ikdks

    Everybody keeps saying that they’re copying Marvel. All that fourth world stuff, Steppenwolf, the motherboxes, Apocalypse, that’s all from Jack Kirby’s Jimmy Olsen.

    Kirby was marvel, they just poached him for a while.

  • Markham

    Squander! That’s the word of the day of all DC movies!

  • ikdks

    Oh, and as far as the Flash stuff.

    Barry Allen was originally written as a more serious character, but then he died in Crisis on Infinite Earths, and for a whole generation the Flash was Wally West who was written as a Peter Parker type. Then Grant Morrison brought him back to life in Final Crisis. You see, death can only travel at the speed of light, but Barry can run faster. So he spent the last 40 years being chased by the angel of death.

    But most of the current writers prefer Wally West so they’ve deaged Barry Allen and write him as a confused twentysomething now. See CW Barry Allen.

  • Tom Connors Jr.

    Yes Elfman mixed in the Batman theme several times, and the John Williams Superman theme a couple times.

  • EJ

    The Batman ’89 theme is basically just a ripoff of “Mathis der Maler” by Paul Hindemith.

  • FetusMuncher

    SIMPLY EBIN.

  • Gallen Dugall

    WOW! That’s real ice. I can’t stop watching it drip. Must have made a mess.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Wowza! I didn’t know Mike is a Metallica fan! How long will we have to wait for Mike’s origin story? Also, isn’t it time for a haircut, you metalhead?

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Wowza! I didn’t know Mike is a Metallica fan! How long will we have to wait for Mike’s origin story? Also, isn’t it time for a haircut, you metalhead?

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    “I can’t stop watching it drip.” THAT’S WHAT KEVIN SPACEY SAID!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    … IN THE HOUSE!!!
    **crickets**

  • Gallen Dugall

    He should see a doctor about that.

  • ikdks

    I don’t hear it.

    I always thought Beethoven’s 7th, second movement.

  • Zippo

    Yes! I could use me some half in the bag..

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Justice League villains revealed:

    *Justice League: Steppenwolf
    *Justice League 2: Iron Butterfly
    *Justice League 3: Bread

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Previously Read
    Re:Read
    The Funny Pages

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I always hear “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    They just pulled a Best of the Worst on Justice League. It’s all part of the Great Convergence.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You rang?

  • Mark Bisone

    I never wanted to tell this story. But considering the current cultural moment, I feel it’s my responsibility to do so.

    On June 2nd, 1947, I encountered Richard “Rich” Evans at a yard sale in Poughkeepsie, NY. After a brief discussion on the merits of personal hygiene, Rich invited me to join him in his van for a quick cuticle scraping. I was young, foolish and desperate for social power. So I agreed.

    Rich then proceeded to do something that I will remember to my dying day.

    He produced a lollipop from his front jacket pocket, and began to lick it.

    I was shocked, horrified. Spellbound. I could not look away. He licked that candied treat to completion, staring at me the entire time. It was as though his eyes were blue laser beams, burning through my blameless soul.

    I felt so powerless and violated. I took ten showers in a row, and scrubbed my eyeballs till they bled. But I could never wash away the shame. Or the dread.

    Rich Evans, you may have stripped me of my dignity and my agency that day. But you will not strip me of my voice. Despite all your power and privilege, I am not afraid of you anymore. You owe me a Twitter apology. And probably some cash.

    #MeToo

  • Poopfeast420

    The melting block of pretend ice stressed me out the whole ep

  • ikdks

    Yeah. but he asked your mom first.

  • Mark Bisone

    Asked her what?

  • ikdks

    If he could court you.

  • Mark Bisone

    How do you know? Were you there? Are you are part of it all?

  • ikdks

    Yeah, I taped the robocall.

  • Mark Bisone

    Sounds magical. I’m just going to assume you’re a witch, and sentence you to two weeks of USO entertainment services.

  • Moist

    Isn’t that what Khan was up to in that Star Trek movie, using a terraforming device to wipe out an existing population? The Star Trek movie with the mind control bugs, not the one with magical blood.

  • Mike Magnum

    Steppenwolf is in this. Aren’t those guys in there 70’s. I mean “Born to be Wild” is a cool song and all. But i didn’t think it would make them evil.

  • BCFC25

    Iam sure this review will not cause any controversy or any flame wars at all.

  • Zippo

    I understood Mike’s Metallica analogy. God I’m old.

  • Mike Magnum

    I was violated by Rich Evans too. I was sitting on a bus next to Mr Evan. He drop something on the floor and his hand brush up against my fully clothed leg. It was awful. I will never forget that day as long as i live.

  • Moist

    All of this courtship talk has reminded me of that song “Froggy Went a Courtin’.” Which is about a frog. That wants to fuck.

  • Mark Bisone

    You are so courageous! In daring to tell your completely unverifiable story, you have struck a blow for ALL rumor-mongering, gossip, slander and salacious innuendo everywhere.

    God willing, this fire we have started will spread across the world, purging our flock of its lolly-licking, thigh-brushing sinners.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Dude, I just made a joke about Steppenwolf and Bread. As in the band Bread.

    **goes back to shouting at cloud**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I heard they got I. Ron Butterfly to play Steppenwolf.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Is an STIII worse than an STD?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Josh pretended to grab my boob when I was asleep.

    #MeThree

  • Pop Culture Reference

    (singing) The old gray mare ain’t what she used to be
    ain’t what she used to be, etc.
    (as PCR dances, his loose gray sweatpants fall to the floor revealing his elderly calves)

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Alex Jones told me about how the black helicopters were part of alien autopsies done at Area 51.

    Then he touched my penis.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    He’s my favorite DC superhero. My favorite villain is Guy Who Totally Isn’t Thanos.

  • Moist

    Shouldn’t you be complaining that Aquaman was a missed opportunity, and that they should have rastified him by 10 percent?

  • Studio Executive

    Misery loves company. Justice League did NOT make Mike Stoklasa or Jay Bauman miserable. So if you don’t like the company of others, Justice League is the perfect way for you to spend $8 ($12 for IMAX 3D)!!!

  • Mark Bisone

    So, let me get this straight: Josh grabs your boob, and Alex Jones touches your black penis with a helicopter.

    Sounds like a totally reasonable pair of accusations, requiring no additional examination or evidence. Let’s destroy these motherfuckers by any means necessary.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Bong Hits 4 Aquaman.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It was a wild party. Never get between Tay Tay and a 55-gallon drum of Jaegermeister. Shit gets real, dog!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Gave him the ole Bill Finger, eh?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I dare Rich to stick his tongue to that block of ice. I DOUBLE DOG dare you!

  • Moist

    We at the studio want an Aquaman with attitude. He’s edgy, he’s “in your face.” You’ve heard the expression “let’s get busy”? Well, this is an Aquaman who gets “biz-zay!” Consistently and thoroughly.

    etc etc

  • Mark Bisone

    I don’t judge you, brother and/or sister. Your complicity in their crimes is only more evidence of their guilt. And the fact that they used dogs and Germans is only more empowering or something.

    #IchAuch

  • Pop Culture Reference

    They should have given the role of Aquaman to Troy McClure, the star of such films as Romancing the Fish and A Fish Called Wanda Jackson.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    They should have given the role of Aquaman to Troy McClure, the star of such films as Romancing the Fish and A Fish Called Wanda Jackson.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The fact Steve Bannon had sex with a schnauzer had nothing to do with the party’s outcome.

  • Mark Bisone

    Stop schnauzer-shaming. And outcome-shaming. And being unfunny.

  • RLMkeepitup

    thank you for sharing your story, it will encourage more people to come forward, come out, or come together

  • Mark Bisone

    As long as they come, I will be satisfied.

  • Danger Dave

    The Terminator, a dominatrix, and Daredevil team up with Prince Namor and Speedball to fight…I don’t know, Loki maybe? They have to stop him from assembling the triforce. Things look bleak until a zombie meets his old girlfriend then comes to help. Then the monster bugs fly away and the Russian family is okay. 10/10.

  • Omis

    I liked the movie. I went expecting to see a trainwreck. I was disappointed that I didnt get it.

  • Casey D. Mann

    Poor Mike is gonna be paying for that ice sculpture… oh, NOT FOR LONG! I just made a $4,000 donation!

  • emptyV

    Pavlov’s block.

    Of ice.

  • Ret Marut

    When Jay starts going on about the “just-ice-league,” perhaps they should have superimposed his translucent face over the image a la Cooper. Just saying. Jay and Josh will get the joke.

  • Moist

    I went to see Trainwreck expecting to see a trainwreck but there weren’t even any trains in it. Just a confused woman who couldn’t seem to get it together.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    His laughter… oh God… I can still hear his laughter…

  • Domo

    You know the other term for # is pound.

    So whenever I see that hashtag, it just reads as PoundMeToo.

  • Silent_night

    You really have to step up your game, hall of all your material is a complete miss.

  • EJ

    It would probably have been a lot more fun if they had to fight Steppenwolf the band.

  • EJ

    It would probably have been a lot more fun if they had to fight Steppenwolf the band.

  • EJ

    It would probably have been a lot more fun if they had to fight Steppenwolf the band.

  • EJ

    It would probably have been a lot more fun if they had to fight Steppenwolf the band.

  • ikdks

    Why can’t you downvote anymore?

  • Paul S.

    mike should not take the lord’s name in vain :/

  • Mike Magnum

    Maybe they could had a Battle of the Bands. Steppenwolf vs the Justice League’s band. If anything it would make for a unpredictable ending.

  • Knight_ldr

    *Justice League 3: Bread

    Okay, you win the internet XD

  • MonkeyKing1969

    That would have been a…. Magic Carpet Ride.

  • MonkeyKing1969

    Does this movie, almost working okay, mean we are done with Zack Snyder having a say in these movies? I hope so…

  • Strelnikov

    They could have played a bad cover version of “Born to be Wild” every time they mentioned Steppenwolf, or just flashed the cover of the paperback version of the Herman Hesse novel every highschooler was required to read.

    I blame the content ‘bots on YouTube for scaring them away from those jokes.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    And then Ruth Bader Ginsburg gives Clarence Thomas a mean upper cut? Oh wait, that’s Supreme Court Justice League.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    They fight the Chicago theater group that had Philip Seymour Hoffman and John Reilly as notable members?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Probably not, unless he stuck his tongue down Gal Gadot’s throat without her consent.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    If you want to see a trainwreck, rent those Atlas Shrugged movies.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “hall of all your material”? I’m unfamiliar with that American idiom.

  • Mark Bisone

    No wonder this webzone is a mausoleum these days.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Would you accept Mexican black tar heroin as a substitute?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It’s viewed as problematic.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Yeah, don’t be a quitter!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Melania says that a lot before she inevitably rolls her eyes … from boredom.

  • Mark Bisone

    We’re going to meet a lot of lonely people in the next week and the next month and the next year. And when they ask us what we’re doing, you can say, “We’re remembering.”

    That’s where we’ll win out in the long run. And someday we’ll remember so much that we’ll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove the Internet in it and cover it up.

  • Moist

    I think I’ll just re-watch Snowpiercer, thank you very much.

  • Strelnikov

    (rimshot, offstage)

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    “We live inside an internet review show.”

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    “We live inside an internet review show.”

  • The Elegant Flaw Filial

    “We live inside an internet review show.”

  • EJ

    They somehow managed to make them even more boring than the book.

  • EJ

    They really spare no expense for these episodes. A WHOLE BLOCK OF ICE??

  • Brian Levine

    Verified. The did use the John Williams Superman theme during the Flash vs. Superman fight. Brownie points for that.

  • The idea of Joss Whedon making this as much like a Marvel movie as possible says to me that DC is officially throwing in the towel. They’ve given up on being unique (not that I liked Man of Steel or BvS) and have actually gotten one of the major creative components to the Marvel movies onboard doing a huge chunk of the work – and now they’re potentially losing Affleck? Good for Affleck, kind of a shame though that they’re losing one of the only actors in this franchise who had any sort of passion for what they were doing. Like you can tell by watching interviews – Ben Affleck was interested in Batman as a character – but I don’t blame him for wanting to avoid the train wreck. I think that I have no intention of watching this movie. I caught Man of Steel and BvS after they went on DVD just for the sake of understanding all of Jay and Mike’s talking points and to see if there’s anything about what they said that I wanted to challenge – but this just sounds too right down the middle. As Rich said – gigantic waste of time. It’s great that it’s not a depressing nightmare but that’s not enough of a motivation to actually watch it.

  • Alex Doucet

    ” rises to the level of mediocrity” lol

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    I blame the great banning.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    At those rates, maybe you could these hack frauds to fix your VCR in a few years time…

  • Yezzir!

    What saves this movie from complete disaster is that the characters are clear. They pass the Plinkett test: describe them without saying what they look like.

    Wonder Woman: virtuous, confident, slightly naive
    Batman: battle-worn, businesslike
    Flash: awkward and jokey
    Cyborg: lonely, angry, has a wall up
    Aquaman: dude-bro rocker guy
    Superman: boy scout

    I’m bullish on the standalone films because I think the characters are understood and well defined if they can get Snyder out of the picture.

  • EJ

    I think I’m the same way WRT comics. I’ve never been a big fan of them, but I like my comic book movies to be over the top and cheesy. I have a real hard time getting into “serious” superhero movies because to me superheroes are inherently corny – that’s part of their charm. Things like the Nolan Barman movies are like trying to take WWE seriously.

    Doesn’t apply to all comic book movies – Dredd was pretty serious and that worked well, but I just can’t take superheroes all that seriously.

  • EJ

    I don’t hear that at all. The opening motif is almost identical to the first 5 notes of the Hindemith piece though.

  • Patrick Brian

    Review “Three Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri”

  • Brian Levine

    It’s still going to make a gazillion dollars worldwide, so Nah…..

  • Brian Levine

    There was a trainwreck in Unbreakable, but they didn’t even show it. What a twist!

  • Brian Levine

    Where’s the Star Trek reference? Is nothing sacred?

  • Moist

    This seems as good a time as any to gripe about the The Punisher TV show. Because why does it exist? Were they trying to make me laugh when they showed him playing blues guitar? Why didn’t they make it a parody of or homage to 80’s action schlock? Too much plot, not enough stupid action. I want to see day laborers dressed up as guards doing tramampoline jumps while a flimsily constructed guard tower explodes behind them.

  • Moist

    Yeah, they totally had an opening to note the reused doomsday plot from ST3. I call for discommendation of their houses. biHnuch!

  • We’re still around in the Tapezone. But, to be fair, we are an utter circlejerk.

  • DRP103

    Was the ending credit song ‘It Was A Good Day’ by Ice Cube?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Hitting on fourteen year olds at the mall is totally sacred. It’s in the Bible with Jesus and whatever.” — Roy Moore

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It’s like DC intended to make their version of The Avengers, but instead got DC’s version of Grown Ups 2.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    A mentally unstable vigilante with a trove of guns goes on a rampage in a heavily populated area. I doubt anything like that would ever happen in real life.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    What’s this in reference to again?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I love that band!

    **blasts “Group Sex” by The Circle Jerks**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Ironically, Bread wins the Battle of the Bands.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You seem really tense. Perhaps some relaxation exercises?

  • Mark Bisone

    Nothing “pop”, at the moment.

  • Spoiled Ants

    Who cares. Is he one of those superheroes who comes home drunk and beats his wife?
    I need some romance in my superhero flicks.

  • Spoiled Ants

    Who cares. Is he one of those superheroes who comes home drunk and beats his wife?
    I need some romance in my superhero flicks.

  • Spoiled Ants

    Right now, I find it more tempting to put a power drill through my temple, but thanks for the tip Studio Executive. I trust you almost as much as the Rotten Tomatoes Score.

  • Whiskey Jack: Lord of Pith

    I literally just watched an episode of Mission:Impossible from 50 years ago, as Martin Landau glues a fake mustache to his lip in about ten seconds, and it looks better than my real stache.

    So the whole Superman lip-CGI thing is just utterly insane.

  • Moist

    Thank goodness you provided that anecdote. Otherwise I might have gone on thinking the whole thing was entirely reasonable.

  • Moist

    I guess just like it’s our right to own a bewildering array of gunseses it’s Netflix’s right to serve up an abortion like The Punisher.

    Roe V. Wade, look that shit up.

  • Poopfeast420

    I was hungover which maybe contributed

  • TheRealBadHatHarry

    Justice League 4: America

  • Somebody Else

    You know what was good was the Justice League cartoon. Now you know. (Not Super Friends btb (by the by).)

  • Cesare

    utter shite….good review guys….JL was so disappointing

  • ikdks

    Justice League Unlimited, it spawned from the Batman TAS universe.

    Young Justice was good too (the first season, anyway).

    Both on netflix, i think.

    I also don’t hate Justice League Action, the Teen Titans Go inspired series.

  • LameSame

    You had some degree of hope going into it?

  • ikdks

    I liked it, i’ll just say that. I see the flaws, but enjoyed the movie.

    Right now, the RT is 40% critic, 84% audience.

    So what is the point of a critic’s review if they’re going to be so radically different from the audience’s response? If the point of the review is to inform the audience of whether they’ll like a movie or not, they’re failing miserably.

    It really calls into question, one, the value of reviews and two, what do critics think they’re doing?

  • LameSame

    Jay edited the episode. If Mike had edited it, you’d get your Trek reference. JAY IS A FUCK

  • Cesare

    My daughter wanted to go…..I caved

  • ikdks

    That’s not fair. Kirby came up with the terraforming subplot in the 70’s.

    It’s like saying this new Hamlet movie is a ripoff of the Lion King.

  • the_great_laertes

    The “villain transforms Earth into a replica of his homeworld” plot is a cinematic homage to the classic film Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I can’t believe these guys didn’t realize that– do they not know movies at all?

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    “Browneye points for that.” THAT’S WHAT GEORGE TAKEI SAID!

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Snowpiercer was all right.. and I have RLM’s 2014 Movie Catch-up to thank for! Why you lovable fhacks..

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I know, right? I have the Criterion Collection edition of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    And don’t forget the spinoff, Superfriends with Benefits.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    SUPERMAN’S CGIthing: You may fire when ready.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Better than Kingsman 2.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    **holding up one of those gross pro-life abortion posters**
    Who wants pasta?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Dammit, it’s the only way I can survive. I require a steady diet of pop cultural in-jokes, references, and callbacks. Show some mercy to this sentient anthropomorphized retail algorithm.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Steve Banning? He’s gross.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    **taps defunct VCR with cane**
    What is this dark sorcery?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Snowpiercer? The investigative documentary on Canadian reggae rapper Snow?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Have you seen the movie “Pi”?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Hopefully the hangover didn’t inspire you to re-enact your username.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Like Jeff Lebowski, Mike was also a roadie for Metallica.

  • BCFC25

    With Justice league not breaking a 100 mil at the box office this weekend i guess once again WB and DC are gonna have to go back to the drawing board!

  • Burgerlord

    I liked the movie. From a technical standpoint, it had a TON of problems. But it was entertaining, and with my free tickets (and the snacks and drinks I brought with me), it was well worth it.

  • Let me guess – are they playing up the “tragedy” aspect of his character?

  • Barry Meltfarb

    Critics can only give their own opinions.

    Also, the audience ratings on Rotten Tomatoes have been shown time and again not to be an accurate representation of overall audience feeling…if that many people actually liked it, word of mouth would be better. Read what those audience reviews actually say; it ain’t pretty.

  • Brian Levine

    And certainly not a reference to John Christopher’s Tripods Trilogy.

  • Bleurgh

    The audience reviews have been inflated by DC fanboys who’ll watch any movie featuring characters that slightly resemble the ones they like regardless of their quality. Same thing happened with Suicide Squad and Batman Vs Superman which were one of the worst movies of the last ten years and a wretched miserable mess respectively.

  • Bleurgh

    I welcome them throwing in the towel. I just hope Batman shows up in the next one and gives everyone brand new not terrible costumes.

  • Brian Levine

    Nice of you to point out that scumbag Moore and ignore the myriad of leftist scumbags that have been outed recently.

  • Brian Levine

    There’s my Star Trek reference!

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    I know. I made it so… *tugs shirt down*

  • The difference is stark, though – critics think of their own opinion very highly, and are also probably paid off a lot of the time or at least employed by some sort of website or magazine. Audience reviews are basically the same thing except there’s no pretense about how much they have to say about the film – you could have a single working brain cell, type “good movie!” and that gets lumped into the average. The problem with both is that neither of them are showing an accurate average of people’s actual opinions – the percentage doesn’t mean jack shit. All a “fresh” rating means is that most critics didn’t hate it, and I’m pretty sure they do the same positive/negative rating summary for the audience rating (above or below 60%) instead of actually finding an average of everyone’s overall scores. Either way – I don’t trust critics and I think that the average person is stupid. So neither are helpful for me whether or not their information was accurate.

  • ikdks

    But if they like it, they like it. Who are you to tell them they didn’t.

    And if the audience liked it and the critics didn’t. Then it’s the critics that are wrong, other wise it’s the tail wagging the dog.

    Again, because the purpose of movie criticisms should be a guide for people to decide if they want to see the film or not, not for elites to shame the audience because they enjoyed something.

  • I’m not telling them they didn’t – I’m just saying that I don’t care. I actually have better luck scrolling through user reviews on IMDB – where they prioritize reviews based on how many people found them helpful. Rottentomatoes is a shit-fest, and I just don’t find it helpful in any capacity. That shit with Anabelle awhile back I noticed right off the bat and it was very confusing to look at.

  • ikdks

    Dude, you got to learn, don’t tell the first joke. You tell the second or the third joke.

    Jokes are like pancakes, you give the first one to the dog.

  • ikdks

    I enjoyed both of those movies. I hated Man of Steel.

    And I’m no flyover popcorn cow, or whatever, I have a pretty sophisticated understanding of film. I could tell you about how World War 2 created Italian neorealism, I can explain the Kuleshov effect, I’ve seen Metropolis, The Battleship Potemkin, Birth of a Nation, Showgirls. My opinion is not based on ignorance or foolishness.

    And you’re right. The primary appeal is seeing their presentation of the characters. That’s always the most interesting thing about seeing a new artist take on an established character (usually in comic books). The plot IS secondary. But how important was the plot in Koyaanisqatsi? Not all films have to have the same objective.

    I’ve seen Hamlet done a dozen times. I know the story backwards and forwards, but I still check it out whenever someone does a new one, because I want to see what they do with it. I’m not surprised when Gertrude gets poisoned (spoilers), but the plot isn’t the point. I want to see how it’s staged, how the actors interpret the characters in a modern context.

    This biggest problem with these movies, other than Zack Snyder (When is everybody going to get it through their thick skulls that no one likes objectivists? Ayn Rand is like babysitter porn, do it in private and don’t talk about it), is not the artists, but the studio.

    Will Smith as Deadshot was inspired. And Margo Robbie, forget about it. Affleck turns out to be a pretty awesome Bruce Wayne, and the polygon that plays Batman is ok. I like Adams as Lane, but I hate Cavell, so that gets in the way. I like Momoa as a fun loving frat boy Aquaman, that’s a cool spin, though I have to admit there may be some intextualism at play because I hated when they killed off Drogo.

    And of course Gadot’s Wonder Woman clearly hit some sort of cultural nerve. It may be a product of our time, but she was made to play that character.

    My point is the artists themselves are doing their jobs and creating something of resonance on screen. Then the studio edits the life out of it, but you can’t blame the actors or writers for that. They’re doing their job. And i can still see around the meddling.

  • ikdks

    But that’s what’s cool about it though. I don’t want to know what an Adam Sandler fan thinks of Blade Runner and he doesn’t care what i think about Farty McShart goes to the Zoo, or whatever his next movie is.

    It’s clear from the audience score that the people that went to see that movie, got their money’s worth. You have no right to tell them they’re wrong for liking it, anymore than you can tell a gay guy that gay porn isn’t hot.

    And as an aside, I don’t really watch these guys as critics, i watch them like a talk show or a pod cast.

  • MonkeyKing1969

    DC threw in the towel a LONG TIME ago. It is fucking Super Man! Making superman and Clark Kent BOTH sour asshole was never going to be useful for teh franchise.

    Snyder was using Richard Donner’s movies as a contrast, really as an excuse, so HE could go dark. Richard Donner’s movies were 30 years ago; so Snyder using them to argue for his “contrasting interpretation” was just….sad, foolish. But, his impatience to do he own view of Superman made DC skip steps needed for OTHER films. DC needed a heroic, do-gooder Superman so Bat-fleck coudl be a downer, so that Wonder Woman could have an edge, so that Aquaman could not be teh pushover of the group.

    People pretend that the idea humor, action and drama combined was invented by Marvel! DC finding it voice by not being “dour as fuck” is not caving into Marvel…it is caving into what is needed!!! Our own political reality is full of sour fucks & dark shit. We don’t need THE symbol of “Truth. Justice and the American Way” to be a fucking Nazi. We don’t need that so that Snyder can make an “sly joke” about how the American Way was a “bigotry holocaust” in the late 20th century.

  • RLMkeepitup

    time to stuff my hand into the rump of a turkish fowl

  • Just to clarify, I’m not defending the Zach Snyder films nor am I saying that Marvel “invented humor” – christ that’s a massive contortion of my statement to put it mildly. – I think that he’s utilizing the wrong venue for his dark superalien power fantasy – but I also think that there isn’t as much hunger for fun, carefree, quippy superhero movies as there are so many of them around now. I don’t think that all superhero movies must be the same, nor do I think that Zach Snyder’s universe is the right kind of “different” that I want to see. Just making an observation – we have now “normalized” the DC movies – normalized because they now fit the script for what is already available. It’s fine.

  • Moist

    It’s too bad that there isn’t some way to quickly search for and retrieve information about that quote.

  • Moist

    I didn’t even know a new Hamlet film had been released but you’ve convinced me. Total ripoff of the Lion King.

    See, my whole thing is repeating other people’s jokes back at them. Everyone loves it.

  • Moist

    Is that why you dressed me like this?

  • Moist

    We get it, you’re good at winning radio call-in prizes and at hiding snacks in your clothing. You don’t have to rub our noses in it.

  • Moist

    They froze that dude’s arm off!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I guess that’s another meaning to the colloquialism “to fist pump.”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Justice League had only minor issue that I could see. The tiny issue being it was fucking terrible.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Release … Michigan J. Frog!”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    So Rotten Tomatoes are a cinematic false flag operation engineered by the Bilderbergs and the Illuminati?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    My jokes don’t need sequels.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Repeating other people’s jokes back to them? Man, you must be one of the IT Crowd.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I know. I keep writing search requests to Edward Snowden and he won’t write me back.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    ROMAN MORONI: Did you see that fargin ice hole? This means fargin war!

  • andychrist

    its very different from other films of this type , for example they took the brave decision to make the giant light beam that shoots into the sky, green instead of blue ……. thats daring .

  • Joe Syxpac

    Yeah, Steppenwolf are edgy, anti-heroes at their worst.

    George Thorogood and the Destroyers, on the other hand…

  • Joe Syxpac

    I watched this whole thing thinking that Mike was using “Steppenwolf” as a joke reference to the bad guy that I didn’t get.

    Turns out that’s the bad guy’s actual name.

    Somehow that’s funny to me.

  • ChickenSandwich

    I’d love to see you guys review TV shows like Daredevil, Westworld, Game of Thrones or The Punisher, since that stuff is far more interesting than the shit you’re making yourselves completely miserable by watching in the movies. You reviewed Stranger Things, so why not other TV shows?

    I understand they’re a big time-sink but you guys sound exactly like me in that the ‘cinema fatigue’ you mentioned in your last episode is killing the experience due to being surrounded by morons most of the time, so why not take a break and stay at home and watch some TV like a sane person? Would love to hear your reviews on the Marvel TV shows in particular.

  • Knight_ldr

    That was particularly odd to me, Apokolips’ has their own world shattering devices the lava taps/magma taps that channel magma/lava to power all their tech.

    They could have had multiple of them digging into the Earth like they did in the cartoons, with the JLA having to divide into teams to stop them in time while Superman fought Steppenwolf…

    But nah, beam to the sky it is!

  • Burgerlord

    Snacks in clothes? Oh, that’s for rank amateurs. My wife brings a nice sized bag. Here’s what we’ve brought in over the years…
    -Hoagies
    -Paninis
    -Bags of popcorn
    -Rasinettes
    -Nerds
    -Cashews
    -Twizzlers
    -Bottles of water
    -3d glasses (to sneak into a 3d movie after seeing a 2d movie)

    Were professionals.

  • Moist

    Not bad. But I won’t be impressed until you sneak in and consume some of that classy fondue stuff.

  • Moist

    They look really bulky, as if the costume designers were told to make them easy to re-create for the plushy doll market.

  • Sounds like the name of a preset synth patch.

  • Padre la Tiempo

    The majority of people are fucking morons so the disparity is exactly as it should be. Critics aren’t always ‘right’ but without them, Hollywood would probably churn out a lot more movies that make Justice League look like Citizen Kane.

  • Not all of your “jokes” are even jokes. Unless you mean like “that’s what you call a joke? What a joke!” kind of joke.

  • It seems what most people miss about this is that obviously the other production did not want to wait for the actor to regrow the moustache because they were midshoot – people have schedules. Because he was brought back in to do reshoots – reshoots are not something on the original schedule – it makes sense for Justice League to be the one who has to make the adjustments. Sure, a fake moustache would be cheaper – but why would a completely different movie studio be concerned with that?

  • I’m not telling them they didn’t. Right here is a quality user review: “Despite the detractors Steppenwolf is one of the strongest villains in any superhero film for a while. He is unrelateable, supernatural, powerful, domineering and terrifying. His background and mission make him driven, determined and deadly and this gives him an edge over his contemporary criminals. Marvel’s villain’s are often quite one-dimensional, predictable and have a bunch of personal issues they’re constantly battling with
    that makes them unstable” – so to summarize – villains that have relatable motives are bad villains? Having personal issues makes a character one-dimensional? I’m not even arguing for Marvel movie villains here but no you’re right – this is gold and it’s absolutely a perfect mechanism to determine that I want nothing to do with this movie. I take back what I wrote – Rottentomatoes is hilarious.

  • “Was absolutely amazing. Everything a die hard superman fan could ask for????????????” – 5 stars “Despite the detractors Steppenwolf is one of the strongest villains in any superhero film for a while. He is unrelateable, supernatural, powerful, domineering and terrifying. His background and mission make him driven, determined and deadly and this gives him an edge over his contemporary criminals. Marvel’s villain’s are often quite one-dimensional, predictable and have a bunch of personal issues they’re constantly battling with
    that makes them unstable” – 3.5 stars “Critics are asshole. Movie is awesome” – 5 stars

  • Bleurgh

    Bulky, muted and too much shit going on.

  • Bleurgh

    Bulky, muted and too much shit going on.

  • ikdks

    Yeah, punch it up a bit dude, or maybe just don’t reply to everything, all the time.

  • EJ

    One time when I was a teen and worked in a movie theater this couple snuck in a whole broiled fish. They were fairly annoyed when people started complaining about the smell and we asked them to get rid of it or leave.

  • Moist

    Sounds like a dude who needs to get laid so bad that he starts to hallucinate magic cabarets,

    Someone, help! Please!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I want to know Mike and Jay think about Last Man Standing and CSI: Miami.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You think Steppenwolf is bad? Check out other DC super-villains like The Iron Butterfly and Bread.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I thought that was the de facto etiquette in our Tumblr-infused world of permanent outrage and triggered reaction? So you’re not supposed to react to every piece of clickbait on the Internet?

  • Sutpenzhundred

    You appear ignorant of the entire history of criticism, especially literary criticism. The critic is supposed to be steeped in the greatest works of the medium and calibrated to evaluate films against either films of the genre or against film as a whole. Your asinine statement suggests that music critics should praise Britney Spears because the pubic likes her. “And if the audience liked it and the critic’s didn’t [sic]. Then it’s the critics that are wrong, other wise [sic] it’s the tail wagging the dog.” Wow.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    The key word is VARIETY you fhacks. Just look at Honest Trailers: blockbusters, indies, oldies, TV… I’m in for pretty much anything else than superheroes. How about Walking Dead? So much comedy potential in there! F@#$k me I’d watch a How I Met Your Mother HITB. A Lady Di documentary! ANYTHING! *storms out sobbing*

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    I’d watch that review!

  • I’ve said it before but I’d definitely like to see more reviews of modern movies that were passed up or weren’t available in their theaters. Jay for instance I’m sure has a number of indie horror recommendations – not sure what Mike is packing but I’m sure there’s something they both could agree on.

  • I think the only issue with a TV show is how you approach it for an episode. With Stranger Things they only discussed season 1 while it was still fresh in their minds- and that’s a short enough thing that it felt like they could cram all the important talking points into one video. Most TV shows are way way wayyy too long, and go through different eras of quality as they juggle multiple directors, writers, and even cast changes. It would be very difficult to keep an episode focused unless it’s something that had a coherent start to finish story or was shorter than most long-running TV shows. For instance – when Mike talks about Star Trek he does bring up that some episodes were good – others were silly – and some were even bad. The show had a range of qualities, and it would be difficult to even say that it were consistent within each season. Things that I could see happening would be something like Breaking Bad, Twin Peaks, Firefly… etc.

  • ChickenSandwich

    I’d watch any reviews of pretty much anything if these guys were involved. I just like hearing them humourously tear things apart. The ones with a Rich Evans laughter track are even better.

  • ChickenSandwich

    It’s like hearing someone referring to Jason Mamoa’s character as Aquaman thinking it’s a joke and then finding out his name is actually Aquaman.

  • supercrotchinator

    A critic’s job is to say what they thought of the movie. They can make recommendations based on what they “think” certain people are looking for, and most do, but ultimately they can only give their own opinion, not other people’s.

    If you’re the sort of person who reads reviews, you should have an idea of what various critics’ tastes are, and decide accordingly whether or not you personally would like the movie.

    It’s easy to read too much into the Tomatometer score. Reducing a review down to a binary “liked/didn’t like” is often going to be an oversimplification. Many of the reviews that Rotten Tomatoes parsed as negative might’ve had good things to say about the movie. If a movie you’re planning on going to see has a bad rating on RT, take the time to read some of the reviews, both positive and negative. You’ll get a much more nuanced idea of what critics think of it.

  • Burgerlord

    Ewww…That’s just fowl.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Newman, Kaufman, Aquaman. Yep, checks out.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Newman, Kaufman, Aquaman. Yep, checks out.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Have you ever tried to deep fry a turkey during a DC movie?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Can we just get more Wonder Woman movies instead?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    CGI WAGE-SLAVE CHAINED TO LAPTOP IN BURBANK SWEATSHOP [staring at camera, sleep-deprived, cigarette hanging from his lips]: Girl’s gotta eat. [Shrugs shoulders in existential despair, goes back to rendering shiny bits on green light beam]

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Citizen Kane was OK. It’s no Jack & Jill.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Popularity and being rich equals artistic worth. Duh! Haven’t you read Atlas Shrugged?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I’ve seen The Exorcist seventy-six times and IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY TIME I SEE IT!!!!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I took a look at Honest Trailers, but the only thing I saw the producer’s sexual harassment suits.

  • Burgerlord

    I thought DC movies were fried turkeys.

    BOOYAH!!!!!

  • ikdks

    Man, you’re a douche.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I’m still not watching it. I’d rather watch a Burn Notice marathon before I endure this mopey horseshit.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Zack Snyder is the Adam Levine of cinema.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Still beats the farcical shitshow we call reality.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Don’t forget Bread.

  • Eric Monaghan

    Three Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri is one of the best films I’ve seen in years. Checkkk it out!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I just saw the trailer for Avengers: Infinity War! Dammit, Nerd Crew, where are you? Tell me what to think! I need your sponsored content and endless speculation!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I want to know what RLM thinks about the sitcom Becker.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It had one minor flaw, that flaw being it was fucking terrible.

  • Yezzir!

    Hahaha!

  • Gehakt_Sausje

    The majority of people are fucking morons so the disparity is exactly as it should be. Critics aren’t always ‘right’ but without them, Hollywood would probably churn out a lot more movies that make Justice League look like Citizen Kane.

  • JSP

    I’d watch that review!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Did the check from Marvel not clear yet? Seriously, I want my Avengers: Infinity War trailer reactions!

  • Joe Syxpac

    Bread was bred to be a villain.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The one where Frances McDormand fights Thanos?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    No, nothing is sacred. Not even the Ghostbusters franchise. Or Star Wars. Or any other pop cultural ephemera sharted out by a multinational conglomerate.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I thought Speedball was something you take, not a superhero.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    A pun, really? This isn’t the low-rent message boards of The Atlantic or The New Statesman. We’re classy and shit.

    **goes back to hunting possums from the back of his rusty double-wide in some backwoods Heartland hellscape**

  • Gregstradamous

    If you take a great concept and mix it with flea market ideology you have Justice League

  • Lol I JUST fucking noticed all the copies of Vampire Assassin on the wall.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    According to Mike, it was a golden age of direct-to-video schlock ripoffs.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    No. Fried turkeys have actual narrative continuity.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Adam Sandler fan” “thinks”? When does that ever occur?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You have a strange metric for measuring insanity.

  • Joe Syxpac

    You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been here for years and have completely run out of material.

    Also, get the hell out of my house and stop shooting my livestock.

  • FTWiener

    Hey RLM! You guys should watch Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri for a Half in the Bag.
    It’s your civic duty. Otherwise, we’ll keep getting endless trash.

  • Mischief

    In Mike’s Batman voice, “I thought that might happen… pfft, pfft!”

    *On my couch, dying of laughter!!!!!*

  • MichaelKz

    I liked Wonder Woman in Justice League and I’m very happy to have a movie Batman that can just be a pure, established, comic book style Batman. Seeing as how the movie turned out to be underwhelming anyway, WB should have just let Zack Snyder finish Justice League as he wanted it to be. If you’re gonna be bad then be spectacular about it too.

    Of course, all of this stems from the impatience of WB and their jealousy over Marvel Studios. Warner Brothers had owned DC for a long time before the first Iron Man was even given serious thought. They should been the first ones with the cinematic universe, especially since they already had three well established characters in Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. Instead WB was content to be old-fashioned and let Christopher Nolan make his stand-alone Batman trilogy and Zack Snyder make a Man of Steel which was never meant to kick off the DCEU.

  • MichaelKz

    Their hard-ons haven’t gone down yet. They have otherwise the YouTube algorithm will flag the video.

Back to Top