Half in the Bag: Jurassic World and Jurassic Park Commentary Track

June 15, 20157,183 Comments

Mike and Jay settle in to their new positions as employees of the video game repair shop, and then discuss the latest reboot/re-imagining/remake/re-sequel Jurassic World.

Also Mike, Jay and Rich have a brand new commentary track available for the original Jurassic Park:

www.redlettermedia.bandcamp.com/track/jurassic-park-commentary-track

Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Hilary Manfat

    First comment. What do I win?

  • Vengeful Eagle

    Looks like Mike’s sleeping on the couch tonight.

  • Eno Yaka

    Aids

  • Hilary Manfat

    Excellent. I’ve already got a burning case of Gonorrhoea, and a rather impressive dose of Herpes. This will add to my collection.

  • Cynical Optimist

    I went in with an open mind but I ended up being pretty bored. Definitely rental material.

    P.S. Dinosaurs in the military??? Try a bit harder than that, Universal.

  • Craig Gibson

    Congratulations! You’ve been selected to be the honorary president of the Seattle NCAAP Chapter! All expenses paid.

  • Cynical Optimist

    I’d recommend a side of Syphilis before you upgrade to the big leagues

  • Domo

    It’s so nice that these 2 have completely polar opposite views of this film. This is gonna be an interesting comments section. Hopefully. Maybe it will also lead to mud wrestling matches.

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Domo

    I also like that cell phones and walkie talkies don’t work on an island with advanced technology. There’s not even an approaching tropical storm!

  • Sully

    10nd!!!

  • Ogrot

    I want to see the movie that Mike summarized!

  • Cynical Optimist

    I was even willing to forgive that but it was just so… un… der… whelm… ing. Might as well have just re-released the original in theaters, it would have at least been more exciting.

  • Cynical Optimist

    I sounded that out… Now I need to play Tekken.

  • LameSame

    But Mike and Jay can’t disagree this heavily! One of them must be a cyborg; kill them!

  • TVH

    Did anyone find it appalling that the average, good-looking, charming, motorcycle-riding and muscular guy is the only character who’s constantly correct and the least stupid?

  • tOmy`

    It’s 4fuckingAM, don’t you have a real Space Cop to attend to?

    Hacks.

  • tOmy`

    Concentrated shame with the NoLife aftershave?

  • tOmy`

    THIS WHOLE SHOW IS PRETTY FUCKING VAGUE.

  • Cynical Optimist

    I was more shocked that dinosaurs were such clean, not messy, rated G people eaters

  • tOmy`

    “Interesting comment section”.

    I would like to bottle your enthusiasm and shove it in our faces around 4th MCR trivia time.

  • RLMkeepitup

    they already did that in 3D

  • Andrew Thompson.

    YAY RLM DOUBLE FEATURE!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That HAS to be shit that got carried over from the old scripts that involved weaponized raptors working for the White House. Which in turn, was a carried from an even older idea with half-human/half-dino soldiers.

  • Cirric Fylenco

    Usually its Mike that has a harder problem suspending his disbelief.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I just got to that part of the commentary track where Mike makes a ST:TNG reference. Godammit.

  • Cynical Optimist

    so do it again with added bonus scenes of Dr. Grant poking a Velociraptor then, who cares.

  • Domo

    He mentions Stalin’s monkey people concept afterwards, though, and makes fun of Rich Evans.

    It’s worth the pain of sitting through a 5 minute long ST:TNG reference.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Ridiculous concept. Should have never left the storyboard meetings

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Spielberg apparently loves that retarded idea. It’s like the one thing that he asked Trevorrow to keep in the movie.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Still hungover from that whole “aliens with Indiana Jones is a great idea” experiment I guess…

  • Domo

    Can we mud wrestle while talking about music? I don’t think that’s been done on the internet yet.

    If you make this a new web series, I request at least 2% of the profits.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That was Lucas’ own stupid idea. One of many.

    I’m going to blame the stupid military dinosaurs on Spielberg spending way too much time with Michael Bay.

  • LameSame

    I knew Mike edited this one because he was doing all the talking in this cut. Then the credits came and I felt so stupid.

    Because I was right!

  • RLMkeepitup

    Damn, a commentary on the original together with review of the remake, someone’s been doing their homework.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    See, and we were all calling them lazy hack frauds. Guess the joke’s on us.

  • BrannigansLaw

    Is it weird that I agree with both of them? Like Mike, a classic about a boy who gets the magical shoes of a sports star and doesn’t need to work harder to improve his own skills… wait. Like Mike, I thought this movie was entertaining as hell. BUT, I think I’m with Jay on most of his points too. The characters are pretty fucking stupid/dated, the Androgynous Rex was totally a metaphor for the whole movie, and there should have been more mayhem in the actual fucking PARK. Plus, holy shit was the assistant/babysitter’s death needlessly cruel. Even with all these glaring flaws, the whole thing was an awesome B-movie gone wild and I’ll be seeing it again soon.

    Can’t wait to listen to the commentary!

  • Domo

    Now, people are gonna call them sellouts because they’re pushing commentaries alongside HiTB releases.

    Maybe next they’ll come up with new limited edition merchandise with each RLM video. RLM flesh lights, here we come!

  • Harry Palm

    Thanks for the spoiler, dick.

  • H Henderson

    you know Pratt’s character is the fat kid Alan Grant pulled a raptor claw on in JP1???

  • BrannigansLaw

    SPOILER: character in monster movie dies horribly!

  • fred

    “Let’s not look at the past with rose colored nostalgia glasses please”
    http://www.ic.sunysb.edu/Stu/wilee/burntreat2.jpg

  • RLMkeepitup

    Wonder if Jay’s reflection on the original tarnished his opinion of the new movie cause I agree with Mike it was fun to watch despite being less polished than JP 1.

  • H Henderson

    When the assistant/babysitter dropped into the water ala hollywood, (you know, don’t worry kids she’s fine) I turned to my girlfriend and said that was a cop out, but then she ended up getting an unexpected brutal death and well, you gotta respect them for doing that in this day and age. 😉

  • Hank_Henshaw

    OMG Jay likes JPIII better than The Lost World. I don’t even… what?

  • Cat Stevens

    I have an important theory …which is that Jurassic World is a sequel to M. Night Shyamalans the Village. But that’s just the beginning….

    Judy Greer and Bryce Dallas Howard play sisters in both. See…what happened is…Bryce Dallas Howard comes back to the Village with medicine for Joaquin Phoenix….but HE’S DEAD! So she and Judy Greer are like “BYE DAD” to William Hurt and they leave the Village. Bryce is still blind as a bat but she changes her name and skips ahead in college because she was homeschooled and graduates with honors in dino-studies. Judy takes the family suburb route with the Dunder Mifflin manager guy who is now on his second family after his first one and Dunder Mifflin career didn’t work out. So anyway Bryce is actually blind in Jurassic World too so its not that her character isn’t a strong female…she’s just blind give her a break! Anyway when the watersaurus jumps out and kills the dinosaurus-rex at the end we are seeing another twist ending in the great M. Night Syamalan water cycle. The watersaurus is actually the third Narf queen after Bruce Willis (more on this in a minute…Bruce is not a Narf) in Unbreakable and….Bryce Dallas Howard in Lady In the Water. When Samuel (Mr Glass) Jackson faked his own death in the events of the original Jurassic Park he was just trolling for the Narf to reveal herself. He and Joaquin Phoenix are actually both secret members of N-Gen who are trying to harness Narf powers for use on the battlefield. When Joquin Phoenix is hitting water filled glasses with baseball bats at those aliens hes really just testing to see if they are Narfs. Sam Jackson in Unbreakable gets Bruce Willis to fall in a pool in Unbreakable and he’s like…nah…ain’t no Narf! However…when Joaquin went undercover in the Village he notices blind girl is all out in the rain seeking medicinals and SHE AIN’T HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT. Once again a faked death to extrate himself from the situation and head back to Ingen headquarters on Isular Nebularus. What isn’t as clear from the ending of Jurassic World …or what many of you may have missed was…the final fight was not a fight between two Dinosaurs….it was a teamup between two of the queen Narfs….Bryce Dallas Howard and the watersaurus. And not only that….but that this films sequel was already made…and it was called Lady In The Water. Soon (as we have seen) Paul Giamatti’s character will once again face the forces of Ingen who are trying to capture the Narf for use in combat. Imagine them Narfs on the battlefield….imagine them Narf’s in Fallujah! Many of you have by now noticed a plot hole in M. Nights Grand Plan. Fullujah is in the desert…and the Narfs are waterfolk. I have no idea how he will get around that but I can’t deny its been a wild ride so far and I am eager to follow this epic tale to its conclusion. In M. Night I trust.f

  • Sully
  • Doug_101

    Totally agree with Jay on this one. The characters were paper thin and there was zero suspense. As a mindless monster movie, it’s fine, but when they keep hanging their hat on a movie with the pedigree of the original Jurassic Park, I expected something with a little more depth to it.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Wall of text, so I’m having a hard time reading it, but if Bryce Dallas Howard’s character is blind, it would explain how she is able to do everything in high heels. Daredevil has taught us blind people have heightened senses and higher nimbleness.

  • Sully

    If they want to achieve their blackbelts in Hack Fraudery they’ll have to re-release commentaries with (no less than) 6 additional minutes of “new” material, 45% of which must consist of nothing but Rich’s laughter.

  • Percy Gryce

    My only question is: as a Patreon patron, do I have to pay for the commentary track or do I get another freebie?

  • Sully

    Both.

  • Percy Gryce

    I confess I fell asleep during this. In my defense, I’m on drugs. No, it’s not nephrolithiasis. It’s worse.

  • Domo

    I remember watching JP1 in the theater multiple times. Each time was fascinating because at least 1 or 2 kids freaked the fuck out over scary scenes in the film. I even remember one little boy running out of the theater from the kitchen scene screaming. The suspense was probably just too intense for him. Or maybe he just had to really pee.

    I wish I at least got that from Jurassic World. I would have loved to see kids be freaked out, jumping over seats and crying, and their parents fretting over them or laughing as they take a selfie of their freak out.

    So sad that I didn’t even get that from this film.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Suspense wise the scenes in JP 1 come close to perfect: the Rex escape and chase, and the raptor kitchen and Muldoon scenes. in the book I think the raptors climbed trees. Somethin like that coulda been pretty scary. Problem is when you have a full park you care less than if it’s a few better fleshed out characters. The concept that people were bored with regular dinosaurs was a gimmicky reason to engineer crazier stuff. It suspends the wonder behind the original.

  • Percy Gryce

    I get it. TANSTAAFL.

  • Domo

    And her nude-colored heels didn’t get a single scratch! It’s like a superhero uniform!

  • Percy Gryce

    It’s funny for me to see how important a movie Jurassic Park was to the younger generation. For me, it barely registers. I know I saw it, but probably not in the theater. Maybe on VHS? Or on TV–with commercials.

  • ClassOf95Rules

    The kids had a “cancer mom” moment with their parents getting divorced, maybe they were supposed to be the main characters before a re-write and stuck with the “Anakin Episode I” treatment.

  • Domo

    It says what to do on their JP commentary post. You just have to hit “See more” to find it. 😀

  • Percy Gryce

    I checked on Patreon and sent Jay an instant message there. I have a little form message I’ve developed there. “Dear RLM, please send me a code for your wonderful [insert movie title here] commentary track. Thank you, your loyal fan, Percy Gryce.”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Saying that people are bored of dinosaurs is a mistake from both the marketing and the writers of the movie. They could’ve easily explain the need to come up with something new, because of why real world theme parks come up with new rides every few years. Theme parks like Disneyworld, Universal, etc. need the return business. Something to make people want to come back.

  • H Henderson

    spoiler! — what about when that first drop of blood ran off the soldier guy’s hand one way and the second drop ran off the other. That was some good uh uh chaos theory right there!

  • RLMkeepitup

    Sums it up pretty well. It was the first time they saw dinosaurs on the screen come alive and done in such a believable way that when things go wrong, suddenly you realize you could be a part of the food chain again and there are real monsters.

  • Domo

    You should also ask what they’re gonna do with your VCR repair manuals now that they’re a video game repair shop.

    I hope they don’t destroy them. They’re terrible but beautiful props that shouldn’t get tossed aside like a Kurlan Naiskos in Star Trek: Genesis.

  • Domo

    Don’t forget new government regulations that require all commentaries to include emergency broadcast testing randomly in their discussions.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdpLWML_tDU

  • RockyDmoney

    Wait people DIE in this movie????

  • array528

    Mike, you HACK-FRAUD!

    Jay is the ONLY video game repairman left with any sense!

  • Domo

    I’m not even sure what could be made anymore that would provide that level of wonderment and fear while not pissing off helicopter parents.

    At least this film didn’t go the cute prairie dogs route to appeal to the kids, but some scary jump scenes or build-ups that were Jell-O shaking worthy would have been awesome.

  • RockyDmoney

    I’m more with Mike on this one. Jay comes off as a humorless, joyless fuck. Seriously complaining about the fence?? I think he should go back and watch their Iron Man 3 review and what he said about people nitpicking that movie

    Anyway it was a good but not great movie. Certainly enjoyed Avengers more but it was still entertaining

  • Percy Gryce

    Tru dat. But I have a feeling that they’ll retake the ship, er, uh, the shop and return it to its original destiny.

  • Andrew Dickman

    Great review and funny stuff as always. I have a feeling when I go see it this weekend my opinion of it will be similar to Mike’s; however, I can understand where Jay is coming from. Sometimes a movie just puts you off for whatever reason and you don’t like it, but sometimes coming back to that movie years later you’ll enjoy it.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Jesus! There is a 2nd instance of TNG references. There might be more before the audio track is over.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    “Lift content embargo.”

  • Domo

    I think Jay had some good points in there somewhere, but Mike simply edited them out of the review in a drunken frenzy.

    It’s no wonder they both enjoy editing so much.

  • I must admit, when I saw the ‘SJW’ on the screen, I tensed up a little. It reminded me of… too many webzone battles I’ve seen. Too many greasy, fat keyboard warriors, arguing, wasting their lives away… the horror… the horror…
    Seriously, though, Joss Whedon is such a bitch. I find it galling how he thinks he’s the standard of Hollywood feminism when, really, all he does is make girls punch things. Like, seriously, for all we know, Joss Whedon could just be projecting his sexual fantasies onto the big screen and going, “DURRRR, FEMALE EMPOWERMENT!”
    I like how, in every Joss Whedon story I’ve seen, there’s always a bitter, jealous, sexually-frustrated dude who’s jealous of the relationship that a wman has with a, shall we say, “alpha-male.” I’m not saying that any of these character are “SELF-INSERTS” or anything but… you know…
    And I wouldn’t have a problem with this if Joss Whedon weren’t so smug and sanctimonious about his feminism. Like, dude, maybe look at your own sexual hangups before criticizing other people.

  • instant relief

    This is like pure cocaine.*

    *The author of this comment does not know anything about the effects of pure cocaine, only that impure crap from around the corner.

  • Jegsimmons

    jurassic world sucked shit so bad. I mean, god damn awful.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Spielberg is just the man. Close Encounters did this for UFOs.. many were looking to the sky differently after that. He understands tension. The first attack in Jaws shows the power of the shark even though we never see it. The goat scene in JP 1 plays with the audiences anticipation in a clever way. It’s not more dinos = more scary. It’s the talent of knowing what to do with the least amount possible that is effective film making.

  • Domo

    I think that lovely montage of Colin Trevorrow showed up at the beginning of this episode because of the eerie resemblance between him and Mike.

    Except one dresses nice and the other dresses like a hobo.

  • I didn’t really like that clip of Chris Pratt and the lady. Not because *sexism,* but because “Oh, she brought an itinerary for their first date” is such a stupidly-blunt statement of her character that I felt it was more groan-inducing than Chris Pratt teaming up with his dino-friends.
    I haven’t seen the movie yet, though, so I don’t want to go casting my judgment on the movie one way or another.

  • Domo

    I thought the itinerary was just an unexpected setup for the Tequila joke, in a “I have this joke. How the fuck do I include it in the film? Well, how about this!”

    However, a lot of the dialogue was a little weird, and probably could have improved in the hands of someone else.

  • Mike seems to be operating on low expectations. I swear, this is the fiftieth time he pointed out that a movie “wasn’t as bad as a Michael Bay movie.”
    I don’t know if this means that Mike needed to adopt a more positive attitude just for his brain to survive this current film climate, but every time I hear him say something like that, I get this sinking feeling in my gut that the bar has been set way, way low.

  • Isn’t that kind of sad? They can spring all this money on special effects; can’t they afford a script doctor?

  • Domo

    I watched Close Encounters for the first time recently, and man that was the only alien film that made me want to be the person leaving earth with a UFO.

  • I think that this would be a good time to say that I really don’t like TNG.
    It’s got some great things in it, but those first few seasons… man… I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show more up its own ass.

  • Domo

    This movie had some re-writes/re-shoots, right?

    I might be thinking of another film, but this one definitely had a vibe where multiple people wanted different things for each character.

  • Axel Rad Rich

    Amazing. You out SJW’d Josh Whedon. It sounds like you “tensed up” when they mentioned SJW’s because you are one.

  • Jegsimmons

    Mike must have gone in to see a another showing of godzilla.

    like half of what he says just doesnt make sense.
    this movie wasnt spielbergian, it was the OPPOSITE. it was a fucking marvel movie with an ending ripping of godzilla.

  • I’ll watch it and get back to you on that one.
    I gotta say, Mike and Jay often operate under mostly common ground, so seeing them so polarized is fascinating.
    I want to see this movie purely to know where I stand– will I unapologetically enjoy this dumb film or will I be a cynical asshole?
    Reading over a few recent comments of mine, I think it’s pretty clear that, whether or not I like the movie, I fall into “asshole” camp.

  • Palpatine

    So I just got back from seeing Jurassic World, and you know what? I really liked it! Bring on the hate!!!

  • Domo

    You’re too young to be an asshole, though! That title is earned through years of disappointment and shame.

    Having children used to be part of that formula, but now they’re too expensive and have been replaced with crippling debt and knowing you’ll never be able to retire.

  • No, I’m more saying that Joss Whedon is a hypocrite and that he shouldn’t bitch and moan about the perceived “sexism” of other movies as if he’s somehow the golden standard.
    I really, really don’t care about identity politics in movies. I wasn’t trying to be an SJW, I was just…
    ……
    …yeah, sorry.

  • Samuel Pérez García

    The movie was mostly forgettable, but I’ll admit to loving the whole Raptor Task Force thing, and the final battle between the Tyranosaur, Raptor and Indominus was epic. You do have to leave your brain at the door, else it will be impossible to enjoy this movie.

  • Domo
  • Samuel Pérez García

    It just means that, for once, he enjoyed a bad movie, and was trying to come to grips with that fact on a review. This movie falls on guilty pleasure territory, because critic logic would trash it completely.

  • Palpatine

    I love haters.

  • You’re right. I’ve years of work ahead of me before I can wear the “asshole” label with pride.
    When I watched ‘Mad Max,’ though, I was giddy as a school girl, so I don’t think that cynicism has swallowed me yet.
    (O-oh, God. “Giddy as a school girl” isn’t sexist, is it? DON’T HURT ME, JOSS WHEDON! SCHOOL BOYS ARE GIDDY, TOO!)

  • Domo

    I thought you loved Democracy.

  • I have to see this movie now. I admit that, with my biases, I actually kind of WANT to dislike this movie, but I want to stop myself from just outright agreeing with Jay before I actually see this thing.
    I don’t think that Jay was being a cynical asshole, though. I thought that Mike was a little too hard on him for nitpicking and the fact that Mike edited this episode didn’t really help, either.

  • Domo

    It’s sexist because not all girls have access to schools.

    Just like not all old people have access to kitchen counters.

  • So this is how Democracy dies… with raptor’s claws.

  • #kitchencountershaming

  • Domo
  • Democracy never looked so dead.

  • Drew Angell

    Do they ever explain how the dinosaurs are so smart when they’re suppose to have brains the size of peanuts?? That’s what’s holding me back from seeing it. I can’t suspend my disbelief that far.

  • Samuel Pérez García

    It’s a bad movie, terrible at certain times, but still manages to be enjoyable.

  • Well, I got called an SJW, so now would probably be a good time to stop interneting for tonight.
    Good night, everyone. I’ll see you all in Valhalla.


    or, you know… in the next video.

  • Yesssss! Been waiting guys!

  • Palpatine

    My jaw is literally on the floor.

  • Supermarky

    My day just improved…thanks RLM 🙂

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I have a bad case of diarrhea.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKjaFG4YN6g

  • mister man

    The reason the brontosaurs scene was stupid: they were racing to find the lost kids in the woods! Stop to smell the roses on your own time, you got work to do.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Hate leads to suffering.

  • Max Wylde

    I thought my eyes were going to roll out of my head when they put in that military angle. The notion of deploying these dinosaurs, of any kind, onto a modern battlefield, of any kind, is ludicrous. It’s the same problem I have with the Alien films in relation to the xenomorph. Surely some officer somewhere would’ve said,

    “Hey, what makes you morons think we can possibly use this? We don’t necessarily want to kill everybody at the location, even if they are so very lethal. Sometimes we like to take our targets intact. And then, what? How are we going to control these things once they’re done? Oh, just kill them? Great. I can think of a thousand ways we can accomplish the same shit with less money and probably less likely one of our guys will be eaten, raped, or whatever.”

    Give me a Barrett M99 rifle and I can take out Super-Rex in one shot a half-mile away. If you want me to be fancy with it, I’ll set out bait and lure him into a field of mines.

  • Aaahh, ach ach ach aahh, wad’a world.

  • Domo

    Oooh, I would have loved a field of mines, and tourists accidentally running into said field trying to get away from the dinosaurs.

  • Palpatine

    Am I dreaming? I have to be dreaming. Mike actually liked the movie. I’m in shock right now.

  • All right, dear imaginary internet friends, I need to stop commenting for a while. I’ve got a personal life to sort out and I need to focus on my actual self before I can indulge in my internet self.
    Just keep this strange, eclectic online community going and know that, when you watch a bad movie, I’m there in spirit.
    I just need to be me before I can be Flaw. But I’ll return when I’m in good spirits.
    Or, as the Terminator said– “IT’S NOT A TOOMAH!”
    I’m pretty sure that was the quote I was looking for.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    This is like the “Mirror, Mirror” TOS episode – everything is crazy! Here, Mike likes big budget action shlock and Jay is straight. I suppose Jane Wyman is the First Lady and Jack Benny is Secretary of the Treasury!

  • Palpatine

    I’m still in total shock at Mike’s reaction. Literally:
    http://media.giphy.com/media/2X5PIwe9h06Pu/giphy.gif

  • Palpatine

    You wanna tell your ol’ buddy Palpy about it?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The only way I can justify it, and I’m aware it is too much of a stretch, is that the military does train dogs and dolphins for some operations (bomb detection and whatnot). Real dinosaurs would be too stupid (crocodile brain) to be trainable, but the JP raptors are “more intelligent than dolphins or primates”, so I guess they could be trained. But trained for what?! Carry guns like in the stupid previous idea for Jurassic World? Go alongside their assigned soldier in a battlefield?

    At least in Aliens, I always thought it wasn’t so much to use the xenomorphs themselves in the battlefield but to weaponize their blood, their exoskeleton for armor, research them and develop new materials/weapons from whatever is discovered.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    “Is this another Star Trek reference?”

  • Domo

    He probably would have hated this film if the kids wore ascot ties.

    http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090430165232/jurassicpark/images/5/5c/JP-TimMurphy.jpg

  • Palpatine

    Heh heh, ascot.

  • Palpatine: Hey Darth, guess what I just saw!
    Vader: What?
    Palpatine: Guess!
    Vader: Jurassic World?
    Palpatine: YES!
    Vader: *slowly makes a hand gesture* You have not seen Jurassic World.
    Palpatine: I have not seen Jurassic World, I have not.

  • Jegsimmons

    Apatosaurus.

    brontosarus was the really really huge one whose head was the size of a truck.

  • Domo

    Oh man, you’re gonna love dickie bow ties, then!

  • The LAST time someone confided in you, it turned out pretty badly.
    You and your monster-face.
    (No, I’m okay, I just think like these comments sections are too much an escape from the real world for me and I’ve been putting off growing up for long enough.)

  • Hank_Henshaw

    With that being said, I’d totally watch a Turner and Hooch remake with a velociraptor instead of a mastiff.

  • Max Wylde

    I can see your latter point about the xenomorphs; I merely thought the idea was to deploy a bunch of eggs to a target population and use it as a super-weapon, of sorts. But, the problem with super-weapons, from a military standpoint, is that you really can only use them in very limited applications. That’s why we don’t like to use nukes; they can ruin everything of value you hope to use, radiation notwithstanding. Biological weapons have a way of being very indiscriminating, and we don’t like to be victims of the very plagues we’re trying to unleash.

    But, I just have a hard time imagining any sane officer looking at either the JP dinosaurs or the xenomorph thinking they would be a good weapon. He’s thinking of not only control of the animals, but logistics. What do you have to do just to keep them alive, kicking, and ready to fight? What do you have to do to keep them from killing those you do not want to kill? What do you have to do to transport them, deploy them, and then recover them (if that is a priority) after the job is done?

    And even then, how effective, really, will they be? Granted, the notion of not exposing your own troops is always on the minds of officers, but at the same time deploying such monsters into a combat situation where you know the enemy has weapons capable of potentially dealing with all manner of threats, from armor to aviation, is a little silly. It might’ve worked great pre-WWI, but after?

  • Domo

    Hope we didn’t bum you out.

    Here’s a gif of Chris Pratt running in heels. It’s so freaking adorable!

    http://www.out.com/sites/out.com/files/tumblr_npu11lWE4J1qiohboo1_400.gif

  • hoodoo__operator

    not all dinosaurs are the same species.

  • Jegsimmons

    this movie had nothing good.

    bad writing
    bad pacing
    horrendous cgi
    bad cinematography, same guy who did the camera work for several michael bay films and amazing spider man.
    bad direction
    bad acting
    the stupidest shit ive seen in a theater with a budget like this.
    no tension, suspense, build up, presence, sense of wonder, ect
    noisy as fuck with only a few fairly calm moments to filter what i was seeing
    nothing in the practical effects department
    cliche cliche cliche
    somehow bad lighting
    predictable as hell
    no intelligent dialogue like the ideas of chaos or ethics
    no actual themes
    product placement worse than man of steel.
    meta jokes that seem to insult the viewers
    marvel style humor
    Not enough baby dinos (one of the only good parts of the movie)
    beat you over the head of “science gone wrong”
    plot is a rip off of alien resurrection and deep blue sea
    ending is almost step by step the ending to 2014 godzilla just flipped around.
    if you saw the BBC documentary series “walking with dinosaurs” you know EXACTLY how I-rex dies

    i could go on.

    piss on this movie.
    I saw Mad Max for a second time the day after this, and its so unlike modern blockbusters that it somehow impressed me even more the second time around.
    its like the antithesis of modern cinema.

  • Oh, no, no, this comments section would never bum me out. I can get bummed out all on my own, thank you very much.
    I just need to recharge my juices so that, when I get back, my comments will be SUPER-FLY. Quality over quantity– I know longer need a place on the wall of shame.

  • Domo

    Be well, quality commenter extraordinaire.

  • Palpatine

    It’s funny that thing’s Mike didn’t like about the movie, I also didn’t like. Vincent D’Onofrio’s character was too silly and his motivation in the film was pretty dumb, the whole divorce sub-plot with the two kids didn’t go anywhere and the whole point of it was to make a reference to the first one. And speaking of the two kids, while I liked the younger brother, who was basically a dinosaur nut like I was when I was a kid, I really didn’t care for the older brother, who just your average bland Millennial teen. And yeah, the scene with Chris Pratt on the motorcycle with the raptors did make me roll my eyes. Other than that, I really enjoyed this film. I can tell, just like Mike and Jay, our opinions on the film are gonna be split, which hopefully won’t lead to any drama.

  • Domo

    One of the scientists makes a speech about how these dinosaurs could never be like real dinosaurs because of all the genetic manipulation.

    Rich Evans has complained multiple times about no feathers on these dinosaurs because of new discoveries since JP1, but this particular movie speech easily summed up how any real-world knowledge we have about dinosaurs is thrown out the window in a pretty effective fashion.

    It’s probably one of the better pieces of dialogue in the whole movie.

  • TheManHole

    Ohhhh my gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwd new content! 😀

  • Bill

    Why is the editing so choppy in this?

  • Garland

    I’m going to blame Spielberg deliberately sabotaging the movie so that his own original looks even better

  • That’s why it’s called direct to video.

  • Garland

    I had that problem with the guns too. They have all this preposterously sci-fi technology, why can’t they just make a gun that can take down any dinosaurs in a shot

  • TheManHole

    I was really hoping the commentary track was going to be a commentary track for this HiTB episode… 🙁

  • They usually agree on most movies and have similar thoughts on them but this time they are more like Ebert and Siskel, very polarized. I like it.

    Mike is actually happy and smiling. That I don’t like!!

  • See you around kiddo. Take care.

    *gives creepy gropy Showbiz pizza bear hug*

  • Kaze

    Mike is either in love or on wellbutrin.
    I’m with Jay.
    Jurassic World was just barely okay.
    Paper thin characters = no threat felt.
    And wasn’t Bryce Dallas Howard solely responsible for the safety of that park where several people were hurt or killed? Do we forgive this because she feels sad for a dead brontosaurus?
    No, I don’t want Brazil. I want Jurassic Park. Which I will now rewatch with the commentary I just bought from your bandcamp. Thanks guys! Love everything you do. Keep it up!

  • longroadtonowhere

    What you are saying about Josh Whedon kind of reminds me of non self aware Howard Hawks. He was famous for quick witted women in his movies that stood toe to toe with the male leads in verbal sparing. When asked if he was a feminist, he said no, he just like women like that.

  • It was a DS9 not a TNG reference, I had to unsubscribe.

  • longroadtonowhere

    Jack said you can tell who edited the “Best of the Worst” videos by who looks the best/funniest.

  • Bourgeoisie

    Mike and Jay’s chemistry seemed to be off on this episode. Jay barely got a few words in. I think Mike is a paid hack for the studio boys!!!!!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It could be a conscious attempt to develop and differentiate the characters – the change in ownership being the catalyst. Plinkett seems to be the only one unaffected and it wouldn’t surprise me to see him be the one to set things right after a training montage, escape, and oil change.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s been 84 years…

  • Palpatine

    Speaking of reboots that have no reason of being made:
    http://deadline.com/2015/06/halloween-returns-sequel-no-rob-zombie-1201443025/

  • Whats that flying across the screen in 11:15?

  • NerdilyDone

    The way Jay feels about this movie was how I felt about Ultron.

  • Domo

    This may seem odd, but the amount of years between the release of Jurassic Park and Jurassic World is the same as Star Wars: Episode 1 and Star Wars: A New Hope.

    22 fucking years!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why do all these Jurassic Park movies need kids in danger?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yay

  • Palpatine

    Because.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Wow! It’s a double whammy!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The first movie did well do let’s do it again?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mike v Jay: Dawn of Dinosaur Arguments

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’re trying too hard.

  • Ooh, I waited and waited for a new vid and was greatly rewarded! I think it is really cool when Mike and Jay actually disagree on a movie. Normally they are on the exact same pagge so it was cool to see the differing viewpoints this time. I have been stoked to see JW since it wa announced, always thinking that it would suck but for some reason I still wanted to see it in theaters and not just wait for it to come out on Netflix or Hulu or whatever. So hearing Mike praise it so much has made me doubly excited. The trailers made it look like garbage, so it was a real surprise to hear it was good. At least for Mike, haha.

    The scientist character from the first movie had a much bigger part in the book before dying a lame dino death. In the book his character was always trying to get Hammond to let him make alterations to the dinos so they would be smaller or more docile. He was a genius but seemed to forget he was dealing with living, feeling creatures and treated them with very little respect, so it is cool to hear they brought that aspect of his character back (just realized that the actor is the guy in Law & Order SVU, yay). The book sucked but I like the connection to the original movie.

    Damn, this year has some good shit. Not the usual crappy blockbusters.

  • shogunmaster

    Ya, Ultron was just meh. I wanted to like it, but meh. Winter Soldier was a far superior movie, frankly. Hopefully Civil War will be better..

  • shogunmaster

    And Rich Evans is the novelty to make RLM more kid friendly. Like Ewoks or Gizmo from Gremlins..

  • Supermarky

    Come on Palp 🙂

    You can’t tell me you don’t have a soft spot for a psycho killer.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGNOfRzDysw

  • Palpatine

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Jegsimmons

    i honestly thought Mike was sarcastically playing up the “mindless movie goer” shtick.

  • fred
  • Garland

    everyone burn the SJW

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Goon gas

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Bryce Dallas Howard has Karen O hair…me like-y

  • He needs to get down from that mountain first. I’m betting hes going to cause an avalance and riding it down, maybe. If Jay finds the right CGI plugin on his movie making program.

  • omitted

    *cum

  • Hilary Manfat

    You could have left it at “this movie has nothing good”, which would have saved yourself a lot of typing, and made the exact same point.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Steven Spielberg.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Porcupines

  • You Patreon owners, are Jack and Rich really going to E3?

    EDIT: Patreon patrons

  • Hilary Manfat

    Judging by the impossible situation Plinkett is in at the moment, I sincerely hope Half in the Bag doesn’t go the way of Game of Thrones and kill off the best character.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh my gaaawd! How am I supposed to know what to think about the movie if Mike and Jay have different opinions?

  • Domo

    They went last year, too, you silly goose!

    http://i.imgur.com/Q0T4dD7.jpg

  • Palpatine

    So now I’m listening to the Jurassic Park commentary and Mike just made his mandatory Star Trek: The Next Generation reference.

  • Who you calling goose you specist, I’m a toad!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Pre Rec is over a year old now…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s a Mike-ism

  • Cool. Just a few more minutes and I’ll watch it too. Just have to torrent rent it at Redbox.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But at least this wasn’t Phantom Menace level bad.

  • Palpatine

    It drives me crazy when he goes on and on about his nerdy show from the 80’s.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well at least he’s not gushing over Where in The World is Carmen Sandiego

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Domo

    Silly goose parking only. All others will be toad.

  • Oooo… ooooooooh. I get it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Well, someone’s losing their eyesight this Christmas.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Don’t worry, I’ll be your white knight, anytime.

  • omitted

    Oh cum on Jay, the only reason you dislike Jurassic World is my infatuation with Prabs Owen Thunderguns. Admit it!

  • Jegsimmons

    save your money, go see mad max.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yup. It has become his “thing” now. That, and tossing bottles of beer.

  • Palpatine

    I loved it when the little brother said he wanted to be with Owen.

  • Jegsimmons

    i dont state shit without explaining it.

    that adds nothing of value.

  • Palpatine

    Clearly you haven’t seen Deathlist. That has all the elements you listed.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    It took so long for them to release new content that I already killed myself. On the bright side I got to meet Plinkett’s wife and son. We ate pizza rolls and watched The Phantom Menace on repeat. Guys, I think I’m in hell.

  • Hilary Manfat

    I completely agree with you. I’m just concerned for your keyboard! 🙂

  • Hank_Henshaw

    What? No Rob Zombie? That’s a deal-breaker! His Halloween movies were great! Hopefully his wife will still be part of the project. Such a talented actress!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    But- But I already saw it…

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Why does Jay Thunderguns’ shirt have static on it? And what’s that orange stuff in Mike’s bottle-throwing hand?

  • eddyk

    I’m sure lots have already said this, but the Extra who grabs his ‘Margaritas’ was Jimmy Buffet.

  • Domo

    Sometimes Mike forgets and tosses around open bottles still filled to the brim with beer, without them ever leaving his hand, .

    Jay’s face at the thought of beer landing on the camera equipment: priceless.

  • Palpatine

    If Jimmy Buffet got stepped on by the the I-Rex, that would’ve been great.

  • Luis

    Mike is sooooooooo wroooooong

  • Galactic Shawn

    Jurassic World was good but it was no Jaws 3.

  • Alex Portnoy
  • naah

    what happened to Mike’s hand tho. Was that from ‘repairing” the 64 or a severe burn?

  • My favorite actor in the movie was Michael Crichton as the dying apatosaurus

  • Fucking time travel plot. This show has jumped the shark.

  • Milton Dammers

    I’m amazed Jurassic World has made as much money as it has… it looked really staggeringly dumb from the trailers. (Not seen it yet by the way)

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Stalin fucking monkeys… now there is a mental image no amount of bleach can cure.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yeah but the majority of humans are actually quite stupid.

  • But Angel duss can!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m with Plinkett on this one. L.S.D is the breakfast of champions.

  • *Thunderthighs

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh, shit. That’s gonna be their copout to get Plinkett, his house and the store back, innit?

  • Obviously FakeAlias

    I’m gonna trust Jay on this one.

  • Markham

    I’m taking Jay’s side on this one; the dialogue was bad, characters were annoying and the “closeness of the family” scenes were eyroll-worthy. But since there were dinosaurs mauling people and each other, it’s all good.

  • Bhazor

    Mike just saw those Raptors on motorbikes and was like “Sold”.

  • Every preview I saw was unbelievably bad. But my Dad wanted to see it so I went. It’s not as bad as I expected so I was reasonably entertained. (The benefit of having such low expectations.) As with most other big films it’s hugely flawed, and the main characters are utter morons. Par for the course in these kind of films.

  • So Jack never edits any then?

  • So if we feed Rich after midnight what happens?

  • The show has been going downhill since episode 88.

  • Let’s stretch her legs…

  • He turns into Plinkett.

  • Well Bryce is hot so it’s all good.

  • Noodles

    The movie needed Velocidahmeraptors…the scourge of Milwaukee. Jay, Mike and Rich talk about them in the JP commentary track.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I just wish they had let the T-Rex actually roar. They kept cutting her off or covering the roar with other sounds/music. Nothing iconic like the first time she roars in the original movie. Even at the very last shot, they cut her off mid-blast and start the credit music. I know it’s a small quibble, but I really loved the sound design in the original film, even as a kid. But nothing sounded as good or memorable in JW.

  • Whiskey Jack

    It’s the odd sort of flick you can actually really like, but also find lots to complain about. Really, the first JP movie is like that too, though it’s definitely a better overall film than this. But it had its weak characters, and eye-rolling moments as well. (“It’s a unix system, I know this!”)

  • Andy James

    So what Mike is saying is that Jurassic Park and Jurassic World are like poetry. They rhyme.

  • Whiskey Jack

    The only realistic military use I can think of, for either JP dinos or Xenomorphs, would be some form of area denial system, like a moving minefield. They’d only be effective in a jungle/woodland environment though. Can’t see dinos being effective in a desert or open plains area. Marshland or swamp, or mountains would already be a barrier to an enemy troop. And even then, I’m sure there are better solutions than using live creatures as living mines.

    Really, only the Mosasaur in JW would be useful as a military weapon, and only because it’s at least 200 feet long in the film. A couple dozen of those things could ruin any third-world naval force, and probably be a problem for a more advanced military as well. Not for long, of course, what with depth charges. But they’d be more effective than raptors in the real world.

  • Whiskey Jack

    The trailers really do make it look god awful, but it was actually fairly entertaining. I went in expecting Crystal Skull-levels of crap, so if you go in with that level of low-expectations, you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised.

    In retrospect, I have to wonder if the terrible trailers weren’t actually a purposeful attempt to lower expectations. If so, they worked. Now I’m just hoping the same strategy is being used by whoever is putting out the Terminator:WeCantSpell trailers, because that film looks like total crap!

  • Milton Dammers

    I now wish you’d done a commentary track for The Road Warrior. Or that Mike had at least seen it.

  • Percy Gryce

    Shit, I slept through RLM’s take down of SJWs. Wowser.

  • Earth

    Goddammit guys. Now I have to see it to make up my own mind, rather than my original plan of watching this review then happily ignoring the actual movie.

  • Percy Gryce

    Depthful = deep.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Its Mad Max II. you SEPPO!

  • Earth

    But adding a syllable makes you look smarterer.

  • Sully

    *Jaws 3-D

  • Andrew Thompson.

    when did that happen?

  • Sully

    Doeses itit?

  • Earth

    It was the review. Shitty Jurassic World.

  • Earth
  • Andrew Thompson.

    i was just posting that….

  • Andrew Thompson.

    now its redundant.

  • You Got the Problem

    See it again 😉

    But really, I just think this is a case of Mike’s Schlocky bone being tickled just right, probably not a great movie.

  • Earth

    Couldn’t resist.

  • Earth

    *dinosaur bone.

  • Earth

    Them havin’ different opinions keeps ’em on their toes.

  • Earth

    *hack fraud.

  • Sully

    Yesterday before the review dropped, I posted this comment…

    [“Jurassic World had the largest opening weekend for any film EVER!

    https://38.media.tumblr.com/1da92fb1d5e56593d3e45f48a93c5e0d/tumblr_ne0n4r0xQr1qa0096o1_r1_500.gif

    Hey, Mitchel… Jeff… get on the review. I’m seeing it this weekend and I need to know how I’m suppose to feel about this movie before I go.”]

    Thanks for shitting on that idea, assholes. We need a tie breaker. What does Supreme Leader Snoke Rich think of the film? Guess I’ll have to wait till he brings it up on one of the Streams.

  • Percy Gryce

    Don’t forget his Deep Space Nine reference in this HITB.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i wish i had tits… i would never leave the house again.

  • Earth

    Listening to the commentary track. I want a Jurassic Park movie directed by Paul Verhoeven.

  • Sully

    What? No Richard Linklater?

    http://i.imgur.com/4AC1Q90.jpg

  • Andrew Thompson.

    David Lynch!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Mike thinks JW is great? I ain’t even surprised considering this is the same man that recommended:Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles(M.Bay edition)Jack The Giant Slayer,The Legend of Hercules & some other crap movies I’m currently forgetting.

  • Earth

    Did you know it took 64 million years to make?

  • Earth

    Get Laura Dern back and cast Nicolas Cage in a snakeskin jacket.

    Wild at Park.

  • Earth

    Don’t worry. It’ll be the next big Apple innovation.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    they are phoning it in…again…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    duh.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    hack frauds man.what did you expect?

  • I saw the movie before the review, and that’s ALL I COULD THINK.

  • Rob Rose

    Could you… could you… could you NOT have creaming chimps in my ear as I listen to a Jurassic Park commentary. Jeeeeeezus christ. lol

  • Billy_Whizz

    I know what you mean. I myself have actually seen the film, but I of course had to wait until Mick and Jim reviewed it before I could form an opinion on it and tell people what I thought. Now I have no idea if I’m supposed to like it or not. This is a living nightmare for me.

  • Billy_Whizz

    Go and watch San Andreas. My mum keeps going on about it as though it’s this great new blockbuster that everyone is talking about. My mother hasn’t actually seen the film, my cousin has. For the record, my mum doesn’t even watch movies, she falls asleep every time she attempts to. She will not stop bringing up that San Andreas though. It is all delightfully random.

  • Robo Joxx has become reality. Sort of. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeSI2aj37MY
    The game itself looks boring.

  • Sully
  • tOmy`

    Furious 7.

  • Paulus Nuns

    Battleship…

  • Billy_Whizz

    I was 12 when the original JP came out, so I was at an age to find it nostalgic. That said, I was surprised that there seemed to be a lot of hype for this movie after two piss poor sequels over the years. If it was the first new JP movie in 22 years then it would be a different kettle of fish indeed and I would get it more.

  • He liked Battleship?

  • tOmy`

    The only person to ever like Battleshit is Rihanna and that’s just because she didn’t understand plot and thought she was in a music video.

  • Sully

    I’m not usually down with remakes and reboots, but Robot Jox could use a remake.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It is it?

  • tOmy`

    Scoundrel having a dialogue with an uptight business women while fixing his bike +5

    Oh, wait, this is no that place.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I would but I still haven’t seen Birdman or Whiplash or Avengers 2, so if I’m going to see a moopie, it’ll be one of those.

  • tOmy`

    What’s wrong with your fa- oh.

    Never been done before, huh?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s just those prices and ads and all that shit, man. And it doesn’t help that I can’t get anyone to go with me.

  • tOmy`

    I saw both through the power of internet sharing. But I absolutely agree, that is the reason why I don’t go to cinema.

  • Paulus Nuns

    He definitely had a good time. Mike loves schlock.

  • He is schlock!

  • It pumps the testosterone some!

    ♫ You’ve been thunderstruck ♫

    *flips table, smashes beer mug, kicks cat*

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlDUp5Iok_A

  • BCFC25

    I dont know what to think now

    Mike seems to think the movie is better than sex and Jay seems to think the movie is worse than herpes

    My whole world is at a end now i don’t know what to believe now thanks you fucking hack frauds!

  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
    HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • Andy James

    Go for the sex. Walk out halfway through for the herpes.

  • RubberCop

    I’m with Jay on this (and his sexy beard). I saw JW yesterday and it’s almost as filled with references as the last Star Trek film. You don’t really cheer for any character because they’re one-dimensional, and the kids are just boring, almost expendable. Too bad they will obviously make a sequel to JW.

  • RubberCop

    They did it, it’s called “Pacific Rim”

  • RubberCop

    He likes children… if you know what I mean.

  • RubberCop

    He farts.

  • Jason Ross

    Sounds like my bachelor party.

  • Jason Ross

    It’s a UNIX system.

  • rikkibarnes

    Listen to Jay. He’s 100% right about this one.

    Mike was clearly drunk when he watched Jurassic World…

  • Earth

    I like how Mike mentions Mr Plinkett, then tries to pretend he was talking about fake Plinkett.

  • omitted

    *UNISEX

  • Earth

    I get this vibe that Mike is gonna end up hating Jurassic World in the long-run (please note: I have not yet seen the movie) but it seemed to me that he was completely blinded by nostalgia here.

    It’s a shame he hadn’t seen the original Mad Max movies. I don’t think he would be saying Jurassic World was the best movie ever if he had.

  • Unsex.

  • The SJW? or the 2JW?

  • As honest as one can be.

  • rikkibarnes

    Now I’m morbidly curious of how they’re going to receive Terminator Genysis. I predict Mike will love it for bringing us the delightful twist from the trailer, Jay will hate it, and Rich Evans will make jokes about Jai Courtney’s penis.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jay is correct, and Mike is playing Devil’s Advocate.

  • Like Icare

    Is that Owen Thunderguns or Owen Thundergunns?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that movie sucked! the only effective weapon was the thward that they used ONCE!. moar splosions and thwards.

  • instant relief

    Soon he will release a special edition of the 70 minute TPM review where he claims that he secretly loved the movie all along. #plinkettshortfirst

  • Sully

    I was going for more of a Blue Velvet-type thing.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Pwonin’ ThunderGyns.

  • instant relief

    Imagine the T-Rex with a gigantic breathing mask.

  • Sully

    No, no, no… That was more of a Power Rangers/Monsters vs Mech-type movie (sans shitty ninjas). Robot Jox was more political (Olympics-meets-Mechs-meets-War).

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The whole world is gonna wake up in two years hating JURASSIC WORLD. Dinosaurs in the military. Raptor buddies. Bad CGI. Little mini-T.Rexes with wings. Somebody calls Chris Pratt a “bad-ass.” And an ending that oughtta make your inner child shove your head in a toilet for being a nerd.

    Dumbest plot I’ve ever seen.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    As proven by the Box Office for this turd.

  • Sully

    They used it twice, Andrew. Get yer shit together.

  • Sully

    Creaming Chimps?”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yeaaaahhhh but.
    Mad Max made $380million in 4 weeks.
    CGI Dinosaurs made that in two days $$HalfaBILLION!!!$$$
    And that is why we cant have nice things.

  • instant relief

    I actually jumped up and just naturally joined their chorus.

  • instant relief

    I still got my mom’s old vibrator.

  • RubberCop

    SJB

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i may have not paid any attention after the first use… that was a shit movie.
    wait? are Jagers air tight?
    ?why not put THOUSANDS of those guns the Jagers have on the walls? cause they seem to work.
    ??wait? why do you think nukes will work???

  • Andrew Thompson.

    is it nice? describe it… in detail….

  • RubberCop

    The point was they won’t remake Robot Joxx. Maybe for the better.

  • RubberCop

    NO! Moar thwards and splosions.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Well it was either having them use the thword all the time and fight hundreds of monsters or have an epic one-on-one and using a cargo ship as a baseball bat.

  • RubberCop

    Are you a psychic?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I wanna sploding thword!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, that crazy Rich!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the shipbat was the best part of the movie. then it went down hill.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Amen Ma Kettle.

  • RubberCop

    Robot Cox?

  • Sully

    *Lars Owen Thunderguns

    http://i.imgur.com/9FMVOJg.jpg

  • Sully
  • Sully

    Because, Andrew.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “Blue Milk! it does a body good.”

  • instant relief

    The smell alone triggers all these childhood memories.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wait? why are you a anthropomorphic fox?

  • shogunmaster

    He turns into Plinket..

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that movie is the opposite of sucked…. i cant remember the word.. gould? gouod?

  • Like Icare

    Is he related to Patrick Smash Thunderpants?

    Did he get launched into space on a fart-powered rocket where aliens have then taken him away to become Star Lord?

    Is that how humans got into the whole Star Wars AND Marvelverse thing? In SPACE!

    WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE SPACE!?

  • RubberCop
  • Andrew Thompson.

    wow and i thought i went to far in a few places.

  • DarkFluffy

    It’s good to be critical and to dont swallow any shit Hollywood serves us but sometimes I have the feeling the redletter people just hate a movie/game because it was not made in the 80s. That their nerdiness/geekness goes out of controle…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    both.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Yes, yes they could.

  • DarkFluffy

    Wow! The N64 has also the expansion pack inside! With that you can play Zelda Majoras Mask, Turok 2 and Perfect Dark! Or you could have… 🙂

  • Sully

    tl;dw

  • Sully

    Also because, and PIXAR says it’s cool now, so…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    My pet is half-strangled.
    Thanks a lot, Mike!

  • Milton Dammers

    It always was Mad Max II here in the UK… I just called it Road Warrior so I could be understood by the uncivilised Americans! 😉

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And because your name is Sully.

  • sepiajack

    This was perfectly timed for me, I had the day off of for my bday and got back from seeing this movie to find the HitB review had been posted.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    /splatsound

  • sepiajack

    Yeah this is probably the most I’ve ever disagreed with Mike about a movie. Jay was very close to my reaction. the big sell for this movie was the park being open, but one scene aside they didn’t take advantage of that.

    and the military “subplot” is the main plot. Every single line was cliche.

  • Be sure to put it in the microwave! I heard they’re tastier that way.

  • Well, you won’t ‘cuz they done broke it.

  • sepiajack

    Agreed. I kept waiting for Mike to yell “april fools!!’ because I could not believe he was being serious with all this praise

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They get tired of flinging feces.

  • sepiajack

    There wasn’t a single memorable moment in this movie. The original is full of iconic moments. I’m not holding it to the same standard as the original, no way that magic can be created twice, but JW was worse than either JP2 and JP3, I would happily watch those movies again at some point but cannot really imagine ever bothering to watching JW again.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s always been cool.
    ♪ Oo-da-lolly, oo-da-lolly ♫

  • Civil War, Jay and Mike version, or Jay v Mike: Dawn of Fraudness someone photoshop, or not. who cares. dot jay peg.

    Vote Now!

    #TEAMMIKE!

  • DarkFluffy

    yepp…

  • What?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Actually, maybe one…Blood splatter through the tree leaves. I might not be able to look up at autumnal color again.

    However, the rest of what you say is 98.9% true. This is an atrociously stupid movie. Way-inferior to the other two sequels.

  • I haven’t finished it yet. Do they kill each other or make out? Yin or Yang?

    NO SPOILERS!

  • WHAT?

  • Jayless

    So this is what happens when Mike takes his pills?
    Unsubscribe

  • Where did the soldiers go when Vincent D’Onofrio most needed a hand?!

  • Eeh… a very good question. I’ll be right back.

    *jumps out the window falling five stories to a certain death*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nice!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    #TEAMJAY!
    “It’s the only way!”™

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You and I share birthdays. Did you get drunk, too?

  • Alright. Team Jay also. Let’s see what this leads to.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hmm? That’s how I cook my pasta.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    #TEAMRICH!
    “If TeamJay leads you astray, and you feel like you wanna switch – TeamRich!”™

  • Veni, Vidi, Richie!

  • Noway, the ones who go Jay are here to stay.

    #getthiscrapoutofmycabinet

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    TeamMike doesn’t get a snappy motto because Mike liked JURASSIC WORLD, so they have to be punished.

  • fred

    I thought Mike was being sarcastic at first, but I can understand why he would like the film. It can’t be all that shitty if it panders to such a large audience.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes it can. It can be two things.

  • Yes, piunished.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    MINI-T.REXES WITH WINGS!!!!!
    So stupid.

  • It’s ok Mike. Sometimes I like Hotpockets.

  • Billy_Whizz

    You can also play Donkey Kong 64. What a shyte game that was.

  • TheManHole

    Dokey Kong 64 was the shit I loved that game.

  • Billy_Whizz

    They need a barking dog on these commentary tracks.

  • fred

    Jay back peddled from “it sucked” to “I’m on the fence”. It’s okay to strongly disagree; that gives the conversation a nice back and forth.

  • Palpatine

    #TEAMMIKE!

  • Soooooooooooooooo if Jay is the real Plinkett according to Mike, that makes jack Palpatine, Rich must be a clone and Space cop will probably be in the next Star Wars… thats a bit Shady i think.

  • Palpatine

    *In nerdy voice*: Well, technically that thing was called a dimorphodon, which was a pterodactyl, not a dinosaur.

  • Billy_Whizz

    I’m sure it was fine really, I just could never really get in to any of these early 3D games other than Mario 64 and Zelda.

  • TheManHole

    Man Mario 64 was the holy grail of 3D gaming when first released.

  • TheManHole

    *Spoiler alert* Hanna Montana and Mr. Plinket are the same person. *gasp*

  • Azriel24

    I enjoyed this movie. As a popcorn flick it wasn’t as pandering as others that have come before, it was no Transformers or 2012. It was a movie, about dinosaurs, where the science is completely flawed and no one cares because it’s freaking dinosaurs. It did Godzilla almost better than Godzilla does Godzilla. It was what everyone who goes to see King Kong or giant Kaijus just to fight one other wanted to see. Jay is so burned by hacks that he can’t see the beauty of a good popcorn flick, an actual GOOD one. Damn you Sandler! DAMN YOU PAUL BLART MALL BLART! You’ve broken Jay!

  • Palpatine

    For those of you think I’m crazy for liking this film and want to send me hate filled e-mails, please send me one at hateloverpalpy96@sithorder.com. And remember, let the hate flow through you!

  • And remember, all you haters we’re
    Calmer than you are.

  • I remember when I was an infant toddler boy and not an adult, how the people rattled and hooted at the incoming, through the cloth, steam locomotive, in crisp black and white old-timey lightbulb projector glory.

  • Don’t you know that loud noise sells?

    #HollywoodTruther

  • To be fair, Henry Wu (the chief geneticist) had a much bigger role in the original Jurassic Park novel. He was always big about cutting corners and taking shortcuts; the biggest example of this is when it’s revealed that dinosaur genomes COULD be mapped out in their entirety, but Wu instead chose to fill in the sequence gaps with different animals (frogs, lizards, birds…) because it was faster and cheaper. So I’m not at all surprised by his character in Jurassic World.

    /end nerd rant

  • Earth
  • Earth

    WHAAAAAT?!

  • Palpatine

    I just hope Mike and Jay give Terminator: Sega Genesis what it deserves.

  • JewYork

    The extra who grabbed his two margaritas while running from Pterydactyls was played by Jimmy Buffet.

    I realize that there is no way of typing that without sounding sarcastic, but… it really was Jimmy Buffet.

  • Earth

    The review I’m looking forward to is Batman vs Superman: No Fun Allowed.

    It (and the popular response to it) is gonna be Biblical.

  • Palpatine

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Earth

    …sigh. I’m glad I didn’t see it on its opening weekend.

  • Earth

    Those Terminators really are pretty useless…

    Grandpa Arnie cut ’em down like butter…

  • Palpatine

    Can’t wait to see how the nice guys from BatmanNews react to the Batman v. Superman review!

  • Earth

    They’ll probably declare another internet war or something.

    Then they’ll all sit around awkwardly for a few hours when they realise that none of us give a shit.

  • Jayless

    I’m taking mommies side as well.

    Mike is on happy pills, I like him a lot more when he’s drunk and violent.

  • Earth

    It was nice to hear someone finally say that Attenborough’s Gandhi deserved the award over ET. Almost every “OSCAR MISTAKE” list on the internet whines about how ET should’ve won.

    Then again, this is just the opinion of some asshole who hasn’t seen ET in a decade and the only thing I can remember about it is the amount of Star Wars shit they shoved in.

  • Anders Willkommen

    I am not upset, nor shocked, just deeply, deeply disappointed. Here, though thousands of miles separate us, and impossible dimensions of social background (I am in The West Coast of Canada), here, I thought, were a group of guys I could be friends with. Here are some people who have real views.

    But hearing Mike actually *gush* with praise for Jurassic Park…. and to see Jay begin with a negative review but get bullied by Mike into a sort of forced agreement that it was kind of, maybe, sort of ….ok ?!? ….I don’t know. I just don’t know. I think my remaining illusions have finally been shattered. Whatever Star Wars left unraped, this review just did a bukakki scene on…

    I’ll keep watching you guys because you still offer some light in the rising night of our social and media collapse, but I need Plinkett to review some of these reviews….

    what the hell has happened? …has the fame and power driven you MAD???

  • DoctorKillpatient

    Any movie that makes SJWs cry is a must-see in my book.

  • Percy Gryce
  • Billy_Whizz

    I’m up voting your post for calling it Terminator: Sega Genesis.

  • Palpatine

    The film does look like a big fucking video game. I was considering calling it Terminator: Book of Genesis, but then I realized how un-holy the film will be. Get it? I said get it?!

  • JackMarco

    So, listening to the Jurassic Park commentary I realize that everything Mike and Jay predict about Jurassic World actually happens.

    Yet Mike insists that all those things are meaningless because the other sequels and Michael Bay movies are worse…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Was that a real thing? There’s a fossil record of that thing, for, like, real?

    I thought it was just another Frankensteinosaurus.

    Thanks for the info, I guess. (Still think it looked stupid! Natural Science, be damned!)

  • Palpatine

    It sure is:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimorphodon
    Trust me, I was complete dinosaur fanatic when I was a kid.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    As if the weekend’s Box Office wasn’t indication enough…Further proof that the world has gotten unbearably stupid — La Trump is running for President. Maybe now he’ll share that “fool-proof plan” for ISIS that he promises.

  • RowKseat12

    I have to say you guys have been bang on with every review from Half In The Bag 1-88 … but maaaaaan was that weird to see Mike and Jay have such different views on a movie … but see only the ‘why it’s good’ … this should be a 2-parter where Jay actually gets to say why he didn’t like it – as this episode was just Mike … did you guys get a visit from shade wearing Universal men in suits? Looking forward to seeing why Jay thought it sucked in part 2 … because there are more reasons that this film sucked than it was good –
    Older teenage brother characterisazion: I stare at girls … I’m your brother I’ll be here.
    A female lead goes through entire film in heels … female lead has been terrified by the reality of dinos all through second half – and then releases a T-Rex and runs ahead of it as if she’s being followed by a puppy ….
    The entire helicopter scene … and all of whatshisname’s acting and lines …
    No tension
    No soul
    Jumping off waterfall cliche
    Messy-o-saur saving day … and other totally re-booted scenes we’ve already seen in JP …
    Dire-logue …
    Divorrrce … how about we follow a family that are not fractured for a change zzzzzz
    Camo skill of Indumbest Rex that never went anywhere …
    What about mining an area around Indumbbest Rex area … y’know just to be safe …
    The entire sub-plot of weaponising dinos … which Mike touched on … as Mike was the only one talking …
    Jurassic World Review Part 2: Jay’s Side pleeeeease

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, we can’t blame superheroes entirely now. We must also include zombies, robots, and, now, fyucking dinosaurs.

  • Palpatine

    As stupid as Trump running for President sounds, let’s remain uietqay on the oliticspay.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You don’t think ex-Navy Seal, career-woman who must learn to prioritize family, endless product placement, a four-species smackdown, and buddy raptors who learn to love their human are pandering.

    You think this is a good popcorn flick.

    Cool. But I think you are needlessly insulting both pandering and popcorn.

  • rikkibarnes

    Well, I see more SJWs praise Jurassic World and trash AoU, Furious 7, Tomorrowland, San Andreas, etc. SJWs also seem to worship Mad Max Fury Road and Spy.

  • rikkibarnes

    Not to brag, but I’ve been told that I am. 😉

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Send your hate e-mails to idonutgiveafyuck@hotmail.com

  • Palpatine

    Now… back to 9/11.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I haven’t seen a TRANSFORMERS movie. I doubt any one of those could be dumber than JURAQSSIC WORLD.

    It’s the TWILIGHT of JURASSIC PARK movies.

  • Brian Levine

    Okay, clearly Mike has been abducted by aliens and replaced by a Beta Unit. I guess when he declares Terminator Genitals the greatest movie of all time we will have our proof.

  • RowKseat12

    Jay, did Mike have your nuts in a foot lock under the table because that’s how it came across – you deserve a Part 2 to voice your reasons why this film, even for a Bay film was a mess … Jurassic World Part 2: Jay’s Opinion pleeease …

  • Palpatine

    Mike’s in charge, so his opinion is the only one that matters!

  • rikkibarnes

    Palpatine, you’re behind this one, aren’t you?

  • I haven’t seen Jurassic World but I highly doubt it’s dumber than any Transformers movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    As dumb. Gotta be.

    I can honestly say, of all the major motion pictures I have seen, JURASSIC WORLD is the dumbest.

    OK, SHARKNADO was dumber, but it was also more fun. It, also, was not a major motion picture. So JW retains the championship title.

  • Palpatine

    The Changemorphers movies are about as dumb as movies can get.

  • RubberCop

    How much do you take for telling future?

  • Jayless

    Palpatine’s behind it all!

    Don’t get what all the fuss is about btw; It’s better than a Michael Bay movie, it’s a must see.

  • Azriel24

    Let’s just get one thing straight. There’s no such thing as needlessly insulting popcorn. Popcorn needs to get off it’s fucking high horse. Fuck popcorn and it’s deliciousness.

    Secondly, I didn’t say it wasn’t pandering, just that it wasn’t as pandering to a particular group as say, a Mountain Dew vending machine that transforms into a transformer in the fucking Goddamn movie “Transformers”. I will say this movie pandered to me and my emotionally sensitive popcorn, and I am okay with that. Now to pander me further I request a hug.

  • I’ll allow it.

  • rikkibarnes

    Remember the Deliver us from Evil/Edge of Tomorrow HitB? I think you might find your answer there.

  • Palpatine

    I’ve seen worse. Far, far worse.

  • Brian Levine

    But if we’re going there, then I wanted to see Velociraptors on motorcycles.

  • rikkibarnes

    Yes to Palpatine, no to ‘it’s a must see’.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *hug*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Names, or it didn’t happen.

  • Palpatine

    Nukie. That is all.

  • Jayless

    Forgive me for using this childish internet expression but “whoosh”

  • What about Deathlist? Oh right, that was the worst not the dumbest.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Not a major motion picture. And, probably not dumber.

    A Velociraptor learns to love his human, and a woman runs from a T. Rex in high heels.

  • Palpatine

    Sorry that I liked the movie.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That’s an internet expression? Maybe I’m somehow getting old but I thought it was a comic book sound effect.

  • Palpatine

    Deathlist was both the worst and the dumbest “movie” I’ve ever seen.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You don’t need to apologize, especially to me.

    But, it’s still the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I thought it was the sound my toilet makes…when I flush all my useless Jurassic park merchandise down it.

  • Palpatine

    It’s cool. I’ll admit, the film did have dumb moments, but I still enjoyed it. Maybe I’m just the kind of guy who likes dumb moments in movies.

  • DarkFluffy

    I know that Mike and Jay are not working alone on the show so thats why “people”. 🙂 But my comment was inappropiate for this review. These two did a good job for Jurassic World. Should watch first, THEN comment…shame on me.

  • Jayless

    You read!?

  • Palpatine
  • NotRickBerman

    3-2-3-4, 4-2-3-AND!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What was it that made you type the same thing in condensed form only twelve minutes after your original comment? Giult? Dimensia?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What was it that made you type the same thing in condensed form only twelve minutes after your original comment? Giult? Dimensia?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What, you have a vacuum-flushing toilet or something?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nah, I just owned the one poster. Plus, I ripped it up first.

  • RowKseat12

    Nope

  • RowKseat12

    Nope

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He just really wants to see Jay get a chance.

  • Palpatine

    I really liked how the opinions of Mike and Jay differed in this episode. More of that please.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Palpy, you and I should start a movie review site.

  • Palpatine

    Palpy and Pa? That would be pretty confusing.

  • Any AMD gamers here? Did you watch press conferance?

  • RowKseat12

    Yep

  • Palpatine

    Hey! It’s too early to get off-topic!

  • Too soon?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    PalPatation Cinema™

    “The evilest opinions on the webzones!”™

    They’ll make you cry!

  • Palpatine

    We should wait for tOmy to come back. Then we can get off-topic.

  • Ok. But then it’s back to 9/11 .

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I think you mean “Yes. This.” or “Both.”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ” you guys have been bang on with every review from Half In The Bag 1-88″

    extremely debatable. their been plently of episodes when the movie flew over their heads but this episode gave me a deja vu feeling of Hobbit:Battle of the Five Armies episode.They did not gave a fuck.Mike waved away all arguments agaisnt the movie with “hurr durr it’s fun”” and Jay only had a list of nitpicks which isn’t exactly meaningful critique( I’m just gonna assume Mike left out Jay’s meaningful arguments on cutting room floor).Anyway yes this ‘review’ sucked.

  • Jason

    “It’s not Michael Bay” -10/10

  • Jayless

    Did you.. eh.. watch JW?

    I’m Fur.. eh curious about your opinion.

  • Palpatine

    What’s Jurassic World? We’re supposed to be talking about vidya games on here!

  • ikdks

    I like that they’re writing male characters again. I like the return of the Harrison Ford type, physical, sexual, irresponsible, boyish, simple. And I like the new group of actors that are playing those characters. They were gone for a while, I blame the war.

    Now I took a film class once so I know what I’m talking about.
    There was a period in film after ww2 called Italian neorealism. When a culture goes through a war, they tend to turn off on the idea of heroic male characters, partially because heroic male characters usually start the wars, and partially because heroes are disproven during wars when they get mowed down by the thousands.

    After wars people prefer underdogs and antiheroes. Think of the 70’s after viet nam. Taxi driver, The Godfather, Rocky, bad guys win and heroes lose.

    I have hated the action heroes for the last decade, and I think its that effect, and I think we’re finally coming out of it.

  • tOmy`

    I am willing to be that within one year there will be HBO Snuff. Honestly, that is like the only logical progression from here.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And, also, as well as…The thing in the movie looks nothing like the reproductions on that Wikipedia page. Those speculations look like a cross between a lizard and a toucan. The thing in the movie looked like a mini-T Rex with wings!

  • Palpatine

    Oh good, you’re here. Now back to 9/11 let’s get off topic!

  • No. I didn’t want to see it but now because of all of the positive things I’ve heard I am curious. So I might watch it. I did watch the Jurrasic Park movie with the new Mike TNG plug commentary track today.

  • tOmy`

    I shall wait till 1000th comment. How was JP?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Palpy and I are in heated disagreement.

  • Palpatine

    You really expect this movie to follow modern science? If they gave the raptor feathers, that would be stupid-pants.

  • tOmy`

    Hate vs. grumpiness – the ultimate RLM showdown.

  • Palpatine

    Friendly heated disagreement.

  • Seeing the AMD press conferance made me want to watch “Rich builds a PC”. Clearly the best PreRec stream.

  • *hated

  • tOmy`

    Are we talking or are we racin’?

  • Palpatine
  • Palpatine

    I think we can agree on one thing though. WHY THE FUCK WAS JIMMY FALLON IN THE MOVIE?!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Apparently to Mike it was the new Citizen Kane of cinema.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s how I got dragged in. The false positives. But, there’s a good result…Because I relented and saw JW, none within my circle of friends is allowed to bully me into going to ANT-MAN and/or STAR WARS 7. So, even though I lost this battle, I’ll probably survive the war.

  • Hey, be nice. Santa Satan>/strike> is watching.

  • What?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    something something F&F quote yada yada

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Conan told ’em, “Fyuck no. The script is stupid.”

  • RowKseat12

    Word!

  • I lolled.

    #LOL

  • Palpatine

    That’s another thing I’ll agree with. The writing in the film wasn’t that good.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Friendly heat. omi’s gonna be peeved that he missed it.

  • Jayless

    Soo.. What about that AMD Fury?

  • Palpatine

    Me and him should be in the remake of Grumpy Old Men.

  • I am sold. I think. Benchmarks please. I am hoping for good old competition/pricewars. They might get their act togeather after a long period, the last series have been a nightmare to build with the heat and all. 290X was ok but still always to hot. The older 6950 is the hottest card I’ve ever had. 100degrees celcius. I burnt my finger on it because I thought my temperature software was lying.

    You?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I wanted the dinos to have feathers. Not your daddy’s dinosaurs, and everything. Way to science-hate, you stupid moopie!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Interesting. Not applicable. Chris Pratt has all the charm of a bag of hammers in this movie. He is “simple,” though. I’ll concede that.

  • Witty Moniker

    We got it. It’s because terminators shoot lots of bullets and make things holy, but if the franchise was pacified with religion they wouldn’t shoot bullets and make things holy. How stupid do you think we are?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Written by the people who wrote DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. Makes me wanna revisit my enthusiasm for that one and very wary about the next.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Depends. Did you or didn’t you like JURASSIC WORLD?

  • You wont watch watch SW7? I am, feels mandatory. Still it could be to JJ’ish or something else could be wrong with it. I did like ST-ID first time I saw it in theaters but when I watched it the econd time I wondered if it was the same movie. I got hyped and ignored many of the things that were wrong with it. I don’t hate it or think it’s a bad movie on it’s own but I still find it boring and too flashy.

  • diehounderdoggen

    Does Mike seem off? Did he finally get antidepressants?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I didn’t see the 2nd STAR TREK nor the third STAR WARS prequel, so I think I can avoid that particular hype. I just got yanked-in this time.

  • Palpatine

    He does seem happier than usual in this review.

  • Jayless

    Yeah, didn’t see the press conference but I am curious how it compares to the competition. From what I know of it though; expect to get some extra blisters if you go for it.
    At this point I’m just praying AMD blows nVidia and, next year, Intel out of the water for competitions sake.

    I should get an avatar, I feel naked. Not necessarily a bad thing but still..

  • Palpatine

    Hmm, does anyone else but me think that Jack and Rich taking over the VCR repair shop stand as a metaphor for Pre-Rec taking over the site?

  • Bubs

    Sweet, another discussion about star trek, I mean bunch of lies, I mean discussion about something completely unrelated, I mean commentary track!

    Seriously though, I love the commentary tracks. I just wish they were a little more well planned out. I’ll take what I can get though.

  • I saw the third one… owmaigad. We did not even discuss the movie after leaving the theater. It was horrible.

    As for ST I really hope the next one is an action one with Klingons. I hope they make it into a political war drama action movie. HYPERCHARGE IT EVEN MORE and just make an Hollywood’esc movie. After that I hope JJ leaves ST alone. It could cool of a bit and then when the time is ripe they could reboot, get a new crew, a new story and a continuation of the series going that is what Star Trek is supposed to be and stop making actions shlock.

  • Palpatine

    It was pretty great. But Mike seriously needs to shut up about old Star Trek. He should like new Star Trek, with it’s action and ‘splosions!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *weller

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Paul. Used to sing for The Jam. Has a new record out. Probably sounds Steve Winwood-ish.

  • Jegsimmons

    then you have reason to see it again

  • Jegsimmons

    if it aint broken yet, then it’s invincible.

  • Mr_Wint

    After two weeks of no content; this past time was pretty brutal. And you’re already bitchin’. Geez Louise.

  • Jegsimmons

    how does that mean i havent seen deathlist?

  • Mark Andrew Edwards

    I don’t often disagree with Jay but this is one of those times.

    Jurassic World delivered on what it promised. As Kyle Smith said in his review: “Motorcycle, Chris Pratt, sprinting dinosaurs: If you require more than that out of a movie, you’re being unreasonable”

    I am not blind to the movie’s flaws but it works as a Summer action movie.

  • Jegsimmons

    because i can list off what i hated about the movie?

  • Witty Moniker

    Is this a rhetorical question?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Tina. She played the movie star on “Gilligan’s Island.” Recently, she was in a movie about werewolves in a retirement village. Forgot the title. Can’t be bothered to look it up.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Funny, I ALWAYS disagree with Kyle Smith.

  • Palpatine

    Did tOmy hack your account or something?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nope. It’s a scientific measurement to determine how stupid you are thought to be.

  • Agreed Intels new Skylake is a bit on the lazy side. No one innovates and the industry stagnates if there is no real competition.

    The conferance made me very curious. They could have actually made a next gen graphics card series that is cooler and smarter and ofcourse faster. They need an extra leap in the ndustry and this could be it. I really like the look of their new cards. I’ve been on the nVidia side for the past 3 years but my love really is with AMD.

    I am going to try and save some extra money and but a really good PC the fall so I dont have to alwasy try and find out what settings I can game with all the time. I hate tweaking I just want things to work on their own.

    Also really curious about EVE: Valkyrie and Elite Dangerous togeather with OcculusRift. i don’t think I can play those games because I get nauseus real easy but I would love to try them out.

  • RowKseat12

    Agree

  • Palpatine

    Who’s Kyle Smith?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    How could it be?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Some writer with very low requirements for movies.

  • Palpatine

    What other movie’s has he liked that you don’t?

  • Shqiptarja

    I agree. There are many problems with this movie (though i personally enjoyed it), but Jay’s points came across as overly nit-picky, or as a Kevin Smithite purist nerd; it seems a bit odd for him to complain about JW being unrealistic and having flat characters, while defending say, Pacific Rim and The Last Stand. Perhaps the most substantative point he made was that the child actors were bad, especially in comparison to the original film. The child actors in this look vaguely apprehensive, the ones in the original seemed genuinely terrified.

    Ironically, I think the best point of criticism was made by Mike, and that was the military-subplot was not only completely rediculious, but also unnescessary in a story already getting crowded with subplots. It could have been excised and probably would have improved the quality of the movie.

    Perhaps this was due to selective editing by Mike, but who knows.

  • Mr_Wint

    American-English idioms are neat.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I was doing, like, a thing. But I’m assuming, considering his quote above, that I wouldn’t like many of the movies he likes.

    Let’s say, for instance, um, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. Kyle Smith probably thought that was the bee’s knees.

  • Palpatine

    So basically like popcorn films?

  • Witty Moniker

    What if I said I didn’t go see it because I was indifferent to its existence?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I like some popcorn films, but only the good ones. FURY ROAD WINTER SOLDIER. The first IRON MAN. Does WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? count?

  • infernocanuck

    Chill out West-Coaster. They just have a different opinion then you. It’s bound to happen.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t think Who Framed Roger Rabbit? really counts as a popcorn film. A popcorn film is usually defined as being a mindless summer action film.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Hey Mike, did they give you something in exchange for this review? Some money, maybe a new Nintendo 64? Are you a Scientologist now, is that it?

    Jay really comes across like he doesn’t want to be there, but I can’t say I blame him.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    OK. Substitute one of the Bourne movies besides the last one then. ALIENS, I liked. Ditto, the first TERMINATOR. I’m NOT knee-jerk anti-popcorn, but I expect popcorn to have the same characteristics that I like in other types of movies. I’m consistent that way, at least.The idea that popcorn is the reason “we all go to the movies” is wretched stupidity, though, as far as I’m concerned.

  • RowKseat12

    Y’know I was half expecting the Indumbest Rex to leap off the waterfall … swim against current … because they had added Salmon DNA … not looking forward to the next dino villain who can burrow under fences and leap tall buildings with a single bound … because they added rabbit and flea DNA … “Dinos are wow enough’ … word!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The sequel will feature talking dinosaurs because they add human DNA. Mark me.

  • TheManHole

    And a wise cracking Academy award winner Woopy as their sidekick?

  • Palpatine

    The talking dinosaur should have the voice of Paul Walker.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I was thinking Robin Williams. Either one…too soon.
    It’ll probably be the voice of Morgan Freeman.

  • Palpatine
  • Palpatine

    “Get busy livin’, or get busy gettin’ extinct.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Can’t wait for the scene where Chris Pratt clicks his fingers and teaches Michael Myers to love.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Palpatine

    I will kill many people if that happens.

  • Kaitscralt

    omitted, when does your feature film ‘Jayassrape World’ hit the silver screen?

  • RowKseat12
  • Palpatine

    Stop eating mah sesame cake!

  • You know what I’d pay to see? Michael Myers killing Bill Shatner on screen.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well it beat Avengers at the opening weekend and Marvel knows this
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CHo0m8yWcAERieO.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I met Pratt, you shouldn’t dis him. He’s a nice guy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Slaughter them like animals.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Fan art.

    By the way, haven’t you been eating? You look thin. I’m concerned. Have a sandwich, bubby. You’re starting to resemble Billy Crudup.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That was from Kevin Fiege’s twitter.

  • Palpatine

    Nah, I’ll just be like Michael Myers and kill them very subtlety.

  • RowKseat12

    Indumbest-Rex only targets children … because we added pedo DNA

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think I’m supposed to know who Kevin Fiege is.

  • Palpatine

    Yes, we get it, you didn’t like the movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The guy who runs Marvel Studios

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The world could use a major extinction event.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Like Rich the GMO Dino is a member of NAMBLA

  • Jayless

    Sweet indeed.

    Funny how standard their TD looks btw; I expected at least TOS level design.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    OK. Thanks. Bet he won’t be quite so magnanimous when BvS: DUMBEST MOVIE WITH DINOSAURS SINCE THE LAST ONE comes out.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Dinosaurs in BvS? Jeremy Irons isn’t that old. *slidewhistle*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is this movie anti-GMO has evident by the “don’t fuck with nature” theme?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I don’t doubt that he may be. A person can be two things.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nice!
    But Holly Hunter is. BAM!

  • RowKseat12

    yes I got you didn’t either … don’t go all Mike on me now

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well he’s a nice and fun guy and takes his job seriously. Serious and fun, the type of person we all need.

  • Palpatine

    I did like it, despite all it’s flaws.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There’s no real “don’t fuck with nature” theme, this time. There is more of a “let’s militarize it” theme, a “corporate chicks need womb to grow” theme, and a “we’re just giving you bigger because that’s what you asked us for, dummies” theme.

    That’s three themes.

    More teeth.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I hope that movie is good because there are a lot of signs to show that is. The things that aren’t are Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman.

  • RowKseat12

    sorry meant to say, yes we get it, you like the sound of your own voice too

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jesus, I was making a joke about people who are anti-GMO.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Guys. If you need to pick on somebody, pick on me. I can take it: I got Chris Platt-sized pecs.

  • Jayless

    Jurassic World Review Part 2: Mike removed the fork

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m sorry.
    I was making a joke about themes.

  • Palpatine

    If you didn’t like the movie, no problem.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So considering now that Jurassic World has the biggest box office opening of all time now imagine the monster Episode VII will be. The most viewed trailer in online history, a brand we all love, a director that’s not George Lucas, a writer that’s not George Lucas, and signs that it will be good with love and care being put into it now under Disney’s wing.

  • pete smith

    I feel original jurassic park came out like 5 years ago max. Damn I love weed.

  • Palpatine

    I predict it’ll beat Avatar as the highest grossing movie of all time.

  • pete smith

    its gonna make liek trillion dollers ! Would be hyped if I was 12 years old

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I can’t wait for the review of “Tyrmonetir: Gainses” and “Batman vs. Superman: More Blood”.

  • Have to ask, what does TD and TOS mean?

  • Toffoli_73

    Agreed. It will break all the records. It’s the most anticipated film ever. Wait…. I said that in ’99. Oh god I hope it’s not TPM all over again.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t set yourself up for disappointment like that.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    None of these movies will beat “Gone With the Wind”.

  • Toffoli_73

    I can’t believe that’s actually true. I mean I figured people were still moderately interested in Jurassic Park but damn do people love their brands.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They’ve all beaten GONE WITH THE WIND, depending on how one measures one’s, um, beat (inflationary dollar $$$$). But, none of them will be seen by as many people as saw that one. I believe you are correct.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    so you’re a chubby dork?

  • Toffoli_73

    That’s because movie attendance as a % of the population has been declining ever since the 30’s. 1939 was literally the peak of the industry with about half the population going to the movies regularly. Now it’s about 9%.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Which isn’t at all because people are less interested in the type of product today. Nope. Other reasons. Look away.

  • Palpatine

    Pics or it ain’t true.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Prefer the term “doughy.”

  • Toffoli_73

    It’s that damn internet.

  • Palpatine

    I can’t wait for the comments on the Dawn of Injustice HitB!

  • Jayless

    “Technical Department” and “The original Series” (Star Trek).
    Haha, that must have been an interesting reply for you to read.

    I worked in a TD in the past, looked the same as this one.

  • jason

    The HITB was good but I have to admit Mike was just being a jerk to Rich pretty much for the whole commentary. I really like listening to the opinions of all 3 of them but I don’t get why Mike seems to treat a really productive member of the RLM cast & crew with such contempt.

  • Whiskey Jack

    It’s worth seeing; Mike’s more right on this one than Jay, though I wouldn’t call it the best film of the year or anything. t’s definitely better then JP2 and 3.

    I’d recommend going in expecting Indiana Jones 4 levels of bad, that way you’ll enjoy yourself when the film exceeds your low expectations. 🙂

  • Toffoli_73

    I’m envisioning Batman wielding a gatling gun with kryptonite coated bullets. Oh you’ll bleed Superman!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    All I know is some retards will equate that to artistic merit.

    “Dude this movie made trillion bucks at the box office! That’s factual evidence about it being good!”

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I know, I know. But it’s less that Mike liked this and more the way he gushes over it and Jay just shuts up and goes through the motions because he doesn’t want to argue with Mike Stoglass.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wow. That’s a whole new level of damning-with-faint-praise.

  • Toffoli_73

    They’re best friends. I treat my best friends like shit all the time. It’s closer to family really.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Better then JP2 AND JP3???
    Wow that makes it better then a mediocre movie and a downright abysmal one. 10/10 MOTY CONFIRMED

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Yeah, I meant adjusted for inflation. Should have mentioned that. Blame the alcohol. I didn’t drink any, that’s the problem.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s, like, a thing they do. Because, humor.
    But sometimes I believe that Rich will have a breaking point.

  • Mr_Wint

    A. Rich when drunk, is an idiot.
    B. Rich when sober, is an idiot.

  • Palpatine

    Mike has been treating Rich like that since the beginning of RLM:
    http://redlettermedia.com/shorts/monkey-man-shorts/monkey-man-2k1/

  • Whiskey Jack

    Naw, Jurassic Park 3 already had a talking dino. “Alan!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9k9g-LdUCc

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Except. It isn’t better than either of those, and it is, in fact, dumber than a biracial teenage gymnast kicking a raptor in the mouth.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Drink before you think! Drink! Drink! Drink!

  • Toffoli_73

    I don’t know. Things looked pretty grim during those Monkey Man shoots and they got through that.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He already had his breaking point. It was called Gorilla Interupted.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    C. Rich is never an idiot.
    The answer you’re looking for is C.

  • I suspected you meant work shop by TD but could not tie it with TOS so I felt confused. It did look more like a hobby shop than an actual industrial workspace but maybe they did not want to show their secret elves workshop.

    Btw, what work did you do at the TD?

  • Palpatine

    Rich has an IQ of infinity!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t know about that.JP3 ranks amongst the most miserable blockbusters ever created as far as I’m concerned.It ain’t hard beating that.That’s called having no standards[or taste]

  • Toffoli_73

    I wish Indy 4 had come out before the prequels so I could have lowered my expectation for those as well. Would have helped with the pain.

  • Damn you Speilberg! I almost spilled my acid drink coffee of the jumpscare.

  • Toffoli_73

    3rd was turd for me. I at least got enjoyment out of Lost World, even if it was a clunky shell of the first film.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That should tell you something.
    I’m not just trolling. I actually prefer JP3, which I don’t like but a little, to JW, which I don’t like at all and is an insult to intelligence.

  • Toffoli_73

    Rich is smarter than Mike and he knows it.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Yeah, there’s at least one BotW where it’s clearly gone past the point of friendly, but Rich just sucks it up.

    Actually, Mike often seems like he’s just genuinelly being an asshole, but no one calls him on it (and Jay just laughs it all off to make it seem like it’s meant to be funny).

    On those occasions it feels kinda like when you’re a child, and there’s this kid who’s an asshole, but he’s the one who brought the ball, and if you tell him to fuck off he’ll take the ball with him, and then no one gets to play.

  • Whiskey Jack

    So, since you took a film class once, how many years do I have to wait until they start making Westerns again? When Deadwood was running, and popular, I thought that might entice studios to start making Westerns but it never materialized. Pity.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, Mike pays the checks.

    He actually reminds me of the guy who runs my LCS. Deep down, a really good guy, but the years of dealing with nothing but geeks and “Batman is now being played by a talking dog” and “The Hulk could beat up Superman” has turned him bitter and mean and tough to be around.

    Maybe all the crappy movies have done a similar thing to Mike’s personality.

  • Palpatine
  • Whiskey Jack

    Isn’t Simon Pegg writing the third Star Trek? He strikes me as the sort of geeky guy who has been sitting on a good ST story or two since he was a kid. I agree though, stop with the action-movie crap, that isn’t what ST is supposed to be.

  • Doug_101

    The best scene, in my opinion, was the dying Apatosaurus. That was the one scene that really hearkened back to the wonder of the first film and generated any real emotion.

  • Disney is going to milk that money machine even if it’s not a success. They will sell custom Wookie fur coats. Every sodabrand will be forced to have Storm Troopers on them. Obama will leave office and John Boyega will take his place. All railings will be removed everywhere. Teddybears become Ewoks. The national anthem will be replaced with the StarWars theme. All children under the age of ten must be named Hagab Magoofoo or Hooboo Geff. And China will start the construction of a death star.

    #Ihaveforseenit

  • Classic! Before they jumped the shark and became sellout Youtube stars.

    The subliminal Rich Evans baby face is a favorite.

  • William Merrill

    I think the climax really made this movie for me. The film essentially culminates into a symbolic battle over the film’s very soul. It pits a corporate createded monstrosity against a powerful force of nature that represents the nostalgic bueaty of the original film. And in the end… Nostalgia triumphs. It even symbolically destroys Jurassic Park III in the exact same scene. This was the first time I saw an entire crowd of people cheering in a movie theater. It was really that good.

  • Whatever happened to moron combat? They should stream it on PreRec

    http://www.angelfire.com/movies/gmppictures/stuff.html

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Um, okay. But I’m still gonna go with “no,” because the T. Rex is also a corporate created monstrosity and nostalgia is always a false notion that ignores the problems of the past.

    The “cheering” thing might have happened in your theater, but I saw the thing in a packed theater at a matinee showing and there wasn’t even any applause.

    But, anyway…I’m gonna stop now. I’ll be back for a bit if tOmy ever shows up to change the topic.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I use it as my standard to judge all unnecessary remakes/reboots/prequels/sequels. Like, the Hobbit films aren’t great, but compared to Crystal Skull….

  • Jayless

    Oh yeah, work shop, of course (not a native speaker).

    I worked for a computer hardware and software retailer/ distributor mostly as a manager and buyer but I did do repairs etc myself as well.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Meh… I wish I could have seen the movie you saw.

  • ikdks

    C’mon. He was great in guardians.
    And whatever his deficiencies , he’s light years better than Shia LaBeouf.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Batman has a T-Rex in the batcave. That and a gigantic dime. Well, in the comics. You’ll never see that in a movie.

  • William Merrill

    Every single dinosaur in the park is a coporate created monstrosity. I’m not denying that. They even address that exact point in the film. But the T-Rex has always been represented as a powerful force of nature… Even if that’s not exactly what she is. In the first movie, she devours the very face of corporate greed in Donald Gerraro’s character and rewards the heros’s newfound respect for nature by saving them from the velociraptors. Saying that she’s just another corporate created monstrosity completely ingnores the entire theme of the original movie.

  • Mr_Wint

    Somebody’s got a wide-on for Rich.

  • Mr_Wint

    #fanboys

  • Whiskey Jack

    Lost World would have worked, if the entire film was from Roland’s pov, and Vince Vaughn had got eaten in the first scene. It was -this- close to being a Quatermain film. With dinosaurs.

    Oh well, maybe some day the studio heads responsible for all these nostalgia-driven remakes/reboots will finally get around to making Zeppelin vs. Pterodactyls.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Again, no. You’re anthropomorphizing the original T. Rex. You’re also forgetting just how silly and anti-climatic some people found that ending at the time. (Nobody has ever been able to explain how the T. Rex got into that lobby without anybody being aware of it.)

    The climax to JW is just as silly and anti-climatic, but in keeping with the the thrust, it just has more teeth.

    The entire theme of the original is that nature has an element of chaos that man should respect. The theme of JURASSIC WORLD is that man can teach Velociraptors to be our friends.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I wish they’d have let her fully roar in the big final battle though. They even cut her off in the very last shot, with the credit music. I just wanted one nice, big, clean roar. That first T-Rex roar in JP was my favorite part. Everyone remembers the cgi effects, but the sound design in JP really made the film for me. Then again, I’m the same way with the original Star Wars as well.

  • Palpatine

    I’ll agree with you that the theme of the first one was sorely lacking. Nature is something you can’t control, and if you do try to exert too much control on nature, then you’ll get chaos.

  • ikdks

    Oh! I have and answer for that.

    There was a series called Genre. One episode explained the rise and fall of the western.

    It starts with John Ford’s Stagecoach. That movie establishes the western as a genre. It defines the tropes, the stock characters and the values of a good western.

    That formula dominated until after ww2. But after the war, the returning soldiers were more sophisticated about firearms and what it looked like to get shot. So when they made Shane, they had to make the deaths more realistic.
    Shane was the first movie where they ever tied a rope to a stuntman and pulled him off his feet when he got shot. It was also the first movie where they showed a guy getting shot in the head, and being brain dead while he was still on his feet, and then falling like a rag doll.

    Then came Sam Peckinpah, who made movies about the death of the west, where the automobile destroyed cowboy culture and replaced it with gangsterism.

    Then the final stage was Eastwood’s Unforgiven, which deconstructed the genre. The sheriff was a prick, the hooker didn’t have a heart of gold, and the bad guys experienced shame and regret.

    I zipped through this, but the point was that the classic western structure collapsed piece by piece, as our culture became more sophisticated and more cynical. And if you watch any of the westerns made after unforgiven, I think it was pretty accurate.

    (And I would argue Deadwood was a mob movie set in the west, rather than a true western)

  • William Merrill

    Before I continue this debate with you… Let me just ask you a simple question. Did you like Jurassic Park? The first movie.

    If not, that’s cool. In fact, I feel that a lot of the crticisims against JW are attributable to people’s misguided perceptions that the first film was perfect. It wasn’t. No film is.

    And since we’re talking about movies… Keep in mind that my opinion is entirely subjective. Saying ‘no’ to my personal opinions as if yours are factually and objectively correct is condescending and obnoxious.

  • ikdks
  • RLMkeepitup

    The internet used to look like that.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Thanks, that’s very helpful and insightful. (And I agree about Deadwood, if I remember correctly it was originally going to be set in ancient Rome and involve the rise of the Italian mob, but showtime was already working on Spartacus so it got rewritten in a western setting.)

    Still, I’m hopeful someone makes a few more Westerns eventually. There’s a lot of good stories that only really work in a Western, and I still see elements of Westerns in other films. For instance, I’ve long felt that Han Solo is more an archetypical Western hero/antihero than just a rogue character. He’s the reluctant hero who gets caught up in someone else’s fight, tries to leave, then comes back when his conscience gets the better of him. That’s very typical of a Western cowboy hero.

    Oh well, if Pirate films can make a comeback -if only for a while- then Westerns can return someday.

  • RLMkeepitup

    another one?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Not that I want to defend The Lost World vehemently, or anything like that, but Jay is so wrong about Ian Malcolm in that scene with the baby t-rex. At no point he wants to fix the leg of the baby t-rex. That’s all Vince Vaughn and Julianne Moore. In fact when he sees them arrive with the thing, he takes his daughter and gets the fuck out of the mobile lab. Later, he tries calling them to dump the baby because the parents are coming to get it, but Vaughn and Moore aren’t answering the phone. How was he able to outrun the t-rexes to get to the trailer first, we’ll never know.

    As for why the character is different between the two movies… it sort of explains itself. He was badly injured in the first movie (if you watch closely Goldblum sorta limps around in the TLW, sometimes, it is more obvious in the novel), he was scarred for life by the experience. Not to mention that him going public about the events, got him sued, and disgraced because, without evidence, no one believed him.

    The Lost World has enough stupid things going on, no need to add made-up stupid stuff to the movie.

  • RubberCop

    It’s so hipstery, other hipsters can hipster themselves.

  • tOmy`

    My eyes bleed.

  • Stantz

    Serious question guys. I’m watching/listening to this in the UK, so obviously a difference in playback speeds with PAL vs NTSC, so after a while, the two sources get out of sync. Is there an easy way to counterract this?

  • RubberCop

    Don’t trust Mike. Mike’s wrong. He’s very wrong. The film is mediocre at best.

  • The Ghost

    I’m amazed at how well this film has done. Yes, it’s the summer, it’s a name that everyone knows, and it has a rising star as its leading man, but I thought that would all amount to cracking $100M, maybe a tiny bit more. But a $208M opening? I just… what?

  • RubberCop

    But why? Why do you waiste your many on things that are just better than something really bad?

  • Whiskey Jack

    I feel like the number of theaters has gone down since then, per capita I mean. I’m sure the actually total number has gone up, there are thousands of screens in the US alone. But my home town has two abandoned theaters, and a drive-in to boot, and the town’s never had over 1500 people in it. Now I’ve got to drive 30 miles to find a theater that’s still open. Fifty or sixty years ago, every town had a two or three screen theater on main street.

  • RLMkeepitup

    They did advertise the heck outta it, plus its not just a name but big nostalgia (reason I went). So like others said below the next star wars should top it come winter break.

  • RubberCop

    The whole movie tries to be a nostalgic ride, and it’s all references on the verge of just plainly copying stuff from Jurassic Park.

  • The Ghost

    Oh of course, but big nostalgia has played a part in a number of recent reboots/remakes. I suppose I just underestimated the power of this one.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Well, presumably if I reward a film that’s a step back in the right direction with my money, they’ll keep walking in the right direction. Imagine a world where Indy 4 is the most successful opening of all time, instead of JW.

    I’m ever hopeful that with enough careful leading along with my money, I can eventually return the film industry to making the sort of flicks I loved as a kid, and finally stop making movies like Transformers, Terminator 3/4, Green Lantern, and so on. I mean, for years I only watched direct-to-video flicks, and now they’ve become better than most theatrical releases. Hopefully the same strategy will work again.

    All that said, I’ve seen Mad Max 4 times now, so I do reward the better movies with more of my money. It’s just like training a veloc–er, dog.

  • You can convert your PAL to NTSC.

    I have not done this myself but I know it works from reading other peoples problems with the sync problem. There is a trialversion of this program. I don’t know if it has an active save feature because it’s a trial version but try it out or find another program.

    http://tmpgenc.pegasys-inc.com/en/product/te4xp.html

    Otherwise you can buy a new JP online from Google-store or another place.

    There is also another way. A more non legal way….

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I liked the first Jurassic Park. But then, I was like, I dunno, 8 or 9 years old when it came out. I liked a lot of shit.

    Looking back at it now, though, it’s not that good. It’s a completely cynical, purely commercial movie, and it’s really dull when action isn’t going on. It’s also Spielberg at his most boring and pre-packaged Hollywood form.

    Nostalgia blinds us to this. We think it’s a movie with a heart, but it’s just a movie that wanted to sell tickets based on the appeal of seeing dinossaurs done with cutting edge special effects. In their commentary track, the guys mistakenly describe the opening scene (with the cage) as being meant to be mysterious, even though everyone knows its a dinossaur. It’s not meant to be mysterious, it’s meant to build antecipation until you get your first full-on look at a dinossaur in a big screen.

    The reason the T-Rex saves the day is because the filmmakers know that audiences don’t give a shit about Sam Neill and the two annoying kids (Goldbloom is cool, though, he’s funny). They care about the dinos, so they engineer a situation where a dino saves the day (even though it makes no sense).

    Take away the novelty of the amazing special effects and the nostalgia goggles, and it doesn’t hold up that well.

  • RubberCop

    Well, it didn’t work for Jurassic Park with its sequels, now did it?

  • Whiskey Jack

    It helps that there hasn’t been a lot of recent JP films either. Unlike, say, the Terminator francise, the last JP film was almost 15 years ago. T:G will likely not have a huge opening, if only because people are still wary from Terminator 3 and Salvation sucking. I suspect a modern Back to the Future sequel/reboot would open big too, for much the same reason.

  • William Merrill

    That was kind of the whole point… The thing that I love about Jurassic World is that it knows it’s a pointless sequel that exists for no other purpose than to make money. It’s self-awareness is its strength and constantly calling back to the original film reinforces this one particular element.

    It has joined an ongoing trend of shameless Hollywood cash grabs that joyfully seize the oppurtunity to make fun of shameless Hollywood cash grabs. It has the same hypocrtical yet charmingly endearing corporate cynicisim that could be found in the Lego Movie. It is brillant in my honest opinion… Though… I do have to admit that I had very low expectations going in. I was just shocked by how self-deprecating it actually was. It sort of charmed me in that way.

  • Whiskey Jack

    It sort of did; they stopped making crappy JP sequels the moment I stopped watching them 3 times in a roll in the theater. And then fifteen years later, they made a better one.

    Same thing happened with Batman. I hated Batman Forever, didn’t see Batman&Robin. Then a few years later the Nolan films came along. I’m totally taking credit for that.

  • Palpatine

    Vince Vaughn and Julianne Moore are the dumbest people in that movie.

  • RLMkeepitup

    What about the ingen guy who brought the rex to cawlifornia? Rar!

  • Palpatine

    Hammond’s nephew was pretty dumb too. Except for Goldblum, everyone in that movie is dumb.

  • RubberCop

    Not to be an asshole but just very frank, your reasoning is amazing (in a bad way) and baffling to me. More so, if this viewpoint is held by the most movie-goers, and the box office proves it is, the flood of mediocre (at best) cash-grabs will continue, and therefore kill better summer films, such as Mad Max.

  • Maybe the StoklasaEgo is reaching ShatnerEgo levels. But in seriousness I think he can be abit to much sometimes and go overboard but he also has this way while performing his comedy schtick. But these guys have also known eachother a long time and perhaps have a different view of the whole thing.

  • William Merrill

    I can see some of those complains. Although I would argue that John Hammond is a character worth investing in. Couldn’t give two shits about the kids or Ellie though.

    Ian Malcom is charming… To an extent. The ‘ums’ just get a little annoying after awhile though. Donald Gennaro is annother one of those cartoonishly over the top corporate sterotypes…His only purpose is to die… Thus symbolizing nature’s triumph over man’s hubris. As a character… I just couldn’t take him seriously at all.

    The dinosaurs and the landmark special effects are what really steals the show. The Tyrannosaurus-Rex is probably one of the most charismatic and memorable movie monsters since Godzilla and King Kong. And the velocirapotors were legitimately terrifying as well. Everything else was okay. Slightly above average at best.

    I still love the movie for what it is though. It proved that monster romps could be both believable and whimsical at the same time. Definitely one of my personal favorites. Not the BEST movie mind you… Just one of my personal favorites.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    If someone punches you in the face, but makes a joke about how punching you in the face is wrong, does that make it less of a punch in the face?

  • RLMkeepitup

    Yeah, he was the only one who didn’t go there voluntarily and was the first to start running away.

  • VvdD

    I had to laugh at Mike failing to destroy a N64 with a VHS tape., He should have picked a PS1, it would have fallen apart just by picking it up. I think I owned 4 of them and they all broke down.

    Yet I’ve only owned 1 N64, it’s been in the basement for a decade and I bet it still works fine.

  • Sully

    Word.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    That’s fine, of course. Not that you need me to say so. I’m just in a bad mood. See also: my other reply to you above.

  • RubberCop

    Don’t want to be this guy but Burton’s Batman is still more superior. I think I enjoyed “Batman Begins” the most from Nolan’s trilogy.

  • Whiskey Jack

    For me I’d put The Dark Knight over BB, followed by the original Batman over TDKR. I had a lot of problems with Rises, even when I first saw it in theaters.

    While I recall really loving Burton’s Batman as a kid, I’ve seen it more recently and I feel like it has aged a lot. It’s a lot more campy than I remembered. Though better than Returns, Forever, or B&R by a long shot.

  • William Merrill

    Using that analogy… I’m assuming that you viewed the film as insulting. I hardly felt the same way. Like I said… I had extremely low expectations going in. And in the end… I think a self-aware film is preferable to a pretentious one. Once I realized it wasn’t taking itself too seriously I stopped taking it seriously. From that point I could just have fun without feeling any serious level of guilt for it. It was fun and hell of a lot smarter than it had any right to be.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I do, although I also agree that a movie that’s just straightforward dumb is less insulting than a certain kind of pretentious movie. Like fucking Birdman. But that’s a conversation for another day.

  • Palpatine

    How about that guy who got scared of non-venomous snake when they were hiding behind the waterfall from the T-Rex and got himself eaten?

  • William Merrill

    Birdman could have been interesting… If it wasn’t constantly hitting you over the head with a giant baseball bat. I just kept telling myself… “I get it movie. Yes, yes, yes, yes… I heard you the first time. Okay move on movie. Wh-What? Bringing that up again? Okay… I’ll leave now.”

    And that ‘great’ cinematography? Needlessly pretentious in my opinion.

  • RubberCop

    Campy doesn’t mean bad. A troubled Batman can be interesting but it only works in “Batman Begins”. “The Dark Knight” is too long and it’s all Heath Ledger, who is really great but that doesn’t make a movie. I don’t even mention “The Dark Knight Rises,” which also has got a great villain who is ruined at the end, because the movie was only passable to me.

  • William Merrill

    Mad Max Fury Road was a good movie. Not great. Good. It was entertaining. The painful irony is that if Mad Max Fury Road became as hugely successful as JW, people would accuse it of being a shameless cash grab too. It is a sequel-reboot after all. Not quite as special as you seem to think.

  • RLMkeepitup

    that was bad considering i think he was the guy bragging about knowing all the dino stats earlier. Or maybe that was the guy that got stepped on by the rex. Oh well. I liked the guy who pissed off all the compies until they ganged up on him.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Hmm… you’ve got a good point with comparing this to the Lego Movie. There’s definitely some similarities there, with how both films approach their material. They’re both self-aware of what they are, and try to make that a strength.

    Though the Lego Movie is far better overall, of course.

  • Palpatine

    That was the hunter played by Peter Stormare.

  • Lloyd

    Hey Mike, noticed you dropped this the other day, just want to give it back

    http://s2.postimg.org/x3756rd5l/Mikefraud.png

  • Palpatine

    But Mike’s always been a sell-out!

  • William Merrill

    I agree with that opinion wholeheartedly. The Lego Movie is probably one of the best animated films that I have seen in years.

    If it weren’t for JW’s incredible ending, I don’t think I would have loved it nearly as much. Even with all the satire the first two acts of the film are average at best. The Lego Movie as engaging the entire way through. Everything was… Is… NO! No I will not sing that song!

  • RubberCop

    No, they wouldn’t. No one looks at the box office while forming her/his own opinion about a film she/he saw. If so, she/he can’t be taken seriously. And Fury Road is a great film because it’s engaging, has got interesting characters and it feels fresh. It’s a film on its own — you can watch it without knowing about the previous ones. On the other hand, if it wasn’t for Jurassic Park, nobody would care for Jurassic World.

  • Whiskey Jack

    About that compies scene; were they trying to imply that the compies were poisonous, like mentioned in the first JP book? I’ve recently rewatched Lost World (cards were in a rain delay and I had nothing better to do for 2 hours) and that scene still puzzles me.

    He gets bitten a few times, then a few minutes later he’s stumbling around, falling in the creek bed, but he couldn’t have lost enough blood to really hurt him. Hammond is killed by a poisonous compy in the end of the first book, but they never mention their poisonous in any of the movies.

  • Palpatine

    They’re never said to be poisonous in the film, so Peter Stormare could’ve easily fought them off if he wasn’t so stupid.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Listening to the commentary.. looking forward to them talking about that T rex escape scene, it still confuses me where that cliff comes from. Also did anyone notice the sprinkler in the scene where the rex pushes the goat down its throat? its pretty visible. I also noticed a small ‘glitch’ with the cgi years ago -when the raptor jumps off the kitchen table toward the freezer, the leg twitches crazy.

  • VvdD

    I thought Mike was being sarcastic throughout the whole review until he admitted he did respect Mad Max more.. That’s when I realized he was being serious…

    That being said, apart from the flat characters, cheesy moments and silly villain and story elements, the action set-pieces were quite enjoyable and I found there to be some real suspense. I would still recommend this movie to friends if they are up for a cool popcorn filck after a long day of work when you just want to switch your brain off.

  • Palpatine

    But it’s like they said, you’re too engaged in the action to care about the inconsistencies in the film.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I share all of those opinions on Birdman, and then some. That movie infuriates me. I’m not going to get into that though, because then it’d just be the biggest rant yet on this comment section.

  • VvdD

    The T-rex enclosure made no sense, but personally I envision it being a steep cliff on one side (where the car dropped down) and a level part right next to it (where the goat was standing). Since a lot of stuff happens in that action scene, it’s not a stretch to think they moved a bit to the left or right.

    There is also the infamous “how the hell did the T-rex get into the welcome centre at the end?” Especially since this movie makes it seem like they did finish the building on all sides.

  • William Merrill

    Again… Why do people try to make their opinions sound objective? People form opinions from box office numbers all the time. Would anyone even bother using the word ‘overrated’ to describe Titanic if it was a box office failure? No, I really don’t think they would.

    And every word you used to describe Fury Road can be used to describe Jurassic World. While Jurassic World makes TONS of references to the first film… At no point does JW demand that you have an understanding of the first film in order to understand its own plot. That’s why it feels more like reboot than a sequel.

    For me personally… Jurassic World is a suprisingly fun roller coaster ride of a movie that firmly addresses the growing disparity that exists between film and franchise. Mad Max Fury Road… While incredibly well hot and well directed is just a fun car chase movie… For me anyways.

  • VvdD

    True, but it’s also a good enough movie for you to spend time thinking about the inconsistencies after the movie.

  • Whiskey Jack

    The cliff scene confused me as a kid too, but I’ve seen JP a few dozen times now, and I believe the cliff is actually the next paddock over.

    The cars pull up before the T-Rex’s fence. On the opposite side of the cars, in the camera’s direction, is the cliff. That is a herbivore paddock (hence the Apatosauri later) and is at a lower elevation than the T-Rex habitat.

    It is very confusing, though. I don’t think we ever get a good overhead shot, probably because the T-Rex fence is in Hawaii during the day shots, and is a sound stage in California in the nighttime shots.

    Also, how the hell did the cars turn around? They’re on a track, supposedly. They should be backing up the whole way from the trike habitat. Silly movie. 🙂

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    It is special, though. Despite being a summer movie, it’s also a movie with a strong personal imprint from its author. It’s very well conceived, written and superiourly directed. It has genuine verve to it, genuine creativity. It has more invention in its opening sequence than most movies (including JW) do in their entire running time. It takes chances that none of these other movies do. It seeks to do something other than spin-cycle money out of your wallet.

  • VvdD

    Yeah, that’s what I actually think too. It’s still a movie flaw because they don’t make this more clear to the audience . One overhead establishing shot was all it needed. But yeah.

  • Sully

    Here’s a diagram of the T-Rex Paddock. It shows the cars, the paddock, the bathroom where the Lawyer bit it (pun intended), where the car flipped, and where the cliff is located.

    http://i.imgur.com/0lRcvgx.jpg

  • Sully

    Unless there’s a roundabout.

  • VvdD

    Thanks, I think you should have chosen a lower resolution picture though.

  • William Merrill

    Yes. From a technical stand point, Mad Max Fury Road easily surpasses almost every single movie that has come out in the past ten years. No doubt in my mind about that. But… In terms of character and story… I really couldn’t give two shits about it. Furiosa is cool… I suppose. But Mad Max is reduced to being a third wheel in his own movie. His dialogue consists almost exclusively of grunts and grumbled phrases. I just wasn’t invested in him at all.

  • Whiskey Jack

    When the Sam Jackson-eating raptor shows up at the end, lifting it’s head through the plastic curtain, you can just make out that the visitors center behind it isn’t quite finished. There’s some green plants, and stuff. It’s basically a big hole in the wall leading directly outside. But poorly shown in the film, hence all the confusion even when I first saw it back in ’93. Again, the lack of an establishing shot is the real culprit.

    I’d have preferred if the camera had shown a glass of water rippling a few moments earlier in that scene, when the characters are too busy dealing with raptors to notice. That would have foreshadowed the T-Rex’s appearance.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I don’t think he’s making his opinions sound like objective facts anymore than you are. But to be fair, I agree with him and disagree with you, so maybe that’s colouring my perception.

    Anyway: “every word you used to describe Fury Road can be used to describe Jurassic World”? Disagree. JW is not engaging, doesn’t have interesting characters (just tired stock ones) and doesn’t feel fresh.

    His point about the movies’ respective connection to their predecessors has, the way I interpret it, less to do with continuity that you’d need to understand the film, and more to do with why people care about them. If there had never been another Mad Max movie, two things would be true: a) the world would be a sadder place, and b) people would still care about this “Fury Road” movie and find it brilliant. If Jurassic Park didn’t exist, no one would give two fucks about Jurassic World.

    People don’t describe Titanic as overrated because of the box office; they do it because it’s rated very highly by many people. Of course, many of those who were sucked into that mediocre crap now pretend like they didn’t say it was great back in the day, but still. It’s not a matter of box office.

    Edit: there’s also this: if anything, watching Fury Road trying to tie it to your memories of previous movies works to its detriment. Try watching Jurassic World without having any relation to Jurassic Park, and the references it makes to that movie.

  • Whiskey Jack

    True, but we don’t see it, hence the confusion. They could have just as easily added a line, like have Malcom say “Well, thank god for that roundabout, huh? We’d be going backward this whole time, and wouldn’t be able to see that huge fucking t-rex.” Or something. 😉

  • VvdD

    Good suggestion! ;). All in all the inconsistencies can at least be explained off-screen.

    Jurassic Park 2 they had one that still has me scratching my head. The part where the T-rex kills everybody on the ship, gets back in it’s cage, and gets a dead man’s hand to hold down the cage button, so it’s trapped again. I was like WTF?!? And I still am lol.

  • Sully

    The theory is that the rex was actually stalking the second raptor, and followed it into the building.

    http://www.jplegacy.org/jurassicpark/ffissue2/8.JPG

  • VvdD

    That’s not a shot from the actual movie right? It was cut.

  • Danners

    Jay just like… stops commenting because he knows Mike is going to just meet his opinion with contempt. At least Mike didn’t say it was better than Mad Max because it was honestly not a great movie…. at all. I enjoyed it, but it didn’t really make me feel anything.

  • RubberCop

    “Overrated” has nothing to do with the box office success, but with the reviews and praise it receives from people. Also, Jurassic World with all the references cannot be considered a movie on its own. It exists in a franchise and you yourself admitted it when you interpreted film’s acknowledgement of it being a cash-grab.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Hm, maybe the establishing shots of the area and the rappelling shots with grant and lex are just confusing. I think they needed a way to get the rex away from them and the muldoon crew wouldn’t have likely driven away leaving them.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    You liked the story and characters in JW but find the story and characters in MMFR uninteresting? Fair enough, but I think at this point our opinions are so far apart there’s not much point in even debating them, you know. Let’s just agree to disagree.

  • Sully

    It was cut short, yeah, because the extra frame diluted the shock from the rex grabbing the raptor out of mid-air. I’ve seen both versions, and that bit of foreshadowing really does rob the scene of its power.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yeah, that whole ship made no since at all. Plus you can tell they just piled some crap beside a docked boat, and pretended it was ‘wrecked’ into the dockyard.

    I like the idea of a T-Rex escaped in a modern city, but it belonged in a different film, I feel. Spielberg would never allow anyone to actually shoot a dino on screen by that point in his career, unlike, say, a giant great white shark. And that’s a major weakness to the whole JP franchise, even this new one. I want an Aliens-style Jurassic Park film, with dinos slaughtering a modern military squad, but also getting cut down by small arms fire until they overwhelm the humans.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Wow, look at those legs!

  • RLMkeepitup

    Wasn’t there a hand on the ship steering wheel too? the horror!

  • VvdD

    Yeah, I can see that. The shot of him swooping in is iconic. Art over logic.

  • Sully

    My biggest gripe with that scene was them just rappelling off the cliff without thinking “where are we going?”
    How fucked up would it have been if they rappelled away from the rex paddock only to land in the allosaurus paddock?

  • RubberCop

    Have some Pizza Rolls!

  • Whiskey Jack

    Great picture, but now I’m more confused than ever. 🙁 So the car fell beside the goat-feeding spot?

  • William Merrill

    You think Fury Road doesn’t have tired stock characters? Really?! Mad Max is practically the embodiment of the mercenary-pirate archetype while Immortan Joe is nothing more than an evil has-a-breathing problem bad guy. We’ve seen this stuff before.

    I will concede that Jurassic World wouldn’t really have had the same impact on me had I not seen the first film. I can agree on that. But I take issue with the idea that a film automatically loses its quality simply because it is dependent on another… The Empire Strikes Back wouldn’t have been anywhere nearly as good if I had not seen the first film. Should it be punished for depending on its predecessor too?

    I dunno… I guess I just like dinosaurs a hell of a lot more than cars. Preferences I guess.

  • VvdD

    I am going to be honest here, but It though JP2 was a good movie up until they got to the city. All the characters apart from the young girl were in my opinion better than Jurassic World. And the action scenes were suspenseful too. Sure it was no JP, but it was alright in my book. It just got trashed by critics because of that last scene and the fact that it followed JP.

    But the movie certainly had issues. No doubt

  • sepiajack

    I did! It was a VIP theater so they served booze!

  • VvdD

    Yeah I don’t remember exactly, the whole thing was just silly, I always though there were raptors on the ship as well. That would have made it make more sense.

  • RubberCop

    If you think Mad Max is a mercenary-pirate in the film you didn’t watch it very carefully, I must say. He’s nothing like that.

  • Sully

    The terrain dives on the other side of that moat. I’m assuming the park uses moats the same way that real zoos do, to keep animals out of areas.

  • VvdD

    Allosaurus wouldn’t have been dangerous because 99% of the audience wouldn’t know what dinosaur it was.

  • Sully
  • RLMkeepitup

    They end up coming across the rex again later, raptor eggs, brachiosaurs and stuff. Them not having weapons made those parts pretty cool, and when the raptors catch up it’s pretty terrifying.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I was 9 at the time, and new what an Allosaurus was. And I recall yelling that the velociraptors were actually Utahraptors. Don’t underestimate the audience’s knowledge of dinosaurs, not when the audience is made up of kids. 😉

  • William Merrill

    Are you saying that Mad Max is NOT some self-serving anti-hero that eventually recovers his humanity by the end of the film?

    They’ve used this character arc TWICE in the Mad Max series. I don’t understand how he COULDN’T be the archetypical mercenary-pirate.

  • William Merrill

    Fair enough.

  • VvdD

    Haha, I’m guessing we are pretty much the same age. Although I always thought they were Dromaeosaurus (Yes I did google how to spell that). Utahraptors are closer to the size but most recreations of them make them seem less agile than the movie raptors.

  • Earth

    When did he recover his humanity? He decided to help some people. That’s all.

  • Jayless

    I’m looking forward to seeing them make fun of some of the exaggerated opinions in this particular comment section.
    As much as I hate to admit it; We don’t actually know them, people.

  • Sully

    I think there should’ve been a moment of clarity when they finally got Tim out of the car, like, “We’re safe! But where the fuck are we? What paddock is this?” In the book they ended up in the Ankylosaur paddock (I think).

  • Sully

    Allosaurs are badass! I’m still waiting for them to appear in a film.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Depends on how you want to look at it. Is it fair to accuse Max of being a stock character if that stock character is a type he helped define in the first place? Isn’t that a bit like accusing the Fantastic Four of being a rip-off of the Incredibles? (I’ll just ignore the whole “mercenary-pirate” bit, because that makes no sense; I assume you meant “smart survivor in a hostile environmnet who eventually learns to trust others before being thrust back into the shit”).

    Immortan Joe is certainly familiar, but he’s given weight by the world the movie builds around him. He’s still a cypher (just like Max in this movie), but he’s got more to him than you give him credit for.

    Also, you left out Furiosa, who, like you hinted at above, is the real hero of the film.

    And you’re still missing the point. “Empire” is a sequel, it continues the story; JW is a higher-calibre version of Family Guy-style comedy that relies on familiarity with pop culture artifacts for your enjoyment. “Hey, Flash Gordon! I recognise that!”. The only reason people care about JW is because it’s wanking their nostalgia organ, something you yourself acknowledged elsewhere in admitedly kinder terms.

    I like cars. I like dinossaurs. I like robots. I don’t like JW, and I hate Transformers.

  • Whiskey Jack

    The single biggest misstep of JP2, in my opinion anyway, is the Vince Vaughn character. He’s a hero only because the film says he is. He sabotages Roland’s ammunition, and that elephant gun would have killed the T-Rex adults. So everyone the T-Rex’s kill after that moment in the film is on Vaughn’s character. They want him to be some sort of action-movie hero, but he’s just annoying, and ultimately responsible for getting a lot of people hurt.

    I’m also not really sure why anyone cares about InGen taking the dino’s off the island in the first place. The problem isn’t that the dinos can’t be controlled once in San Diego, but played up as if it is somehow wrong to take a small sample of the dino population to live in a zoo. They aren’t really shown torturing the dinos in captivity, and frankly, a zoo in San Diego makes more since than a theme park in Central America anyway.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Finally! I’ve been writing on this web-zone for so long, I was beginning to lose hope. Thanks, Mr. Plinkett.

  • William Merrill

    “He decided to help some people. That’s all.”

    The same guy that was about to abandon five helpless women and a terminally ill boy in the desert? We’re talking about Mad Max right? I don’t know about you… But going from that to… “I’m going to help the people that I was originally going to leave to die” is a pretty dramatic character arc in my opinion. If that isn’t regaining humanity I don’t know what is.

  • VvdD

    Yeah, I don’t know if it portrays him completely as a hero, don’t they suggest right at the start he’s some kind of eco terrorist? I also think it’s zeitgeist. In those times being an extreme PETA protester, or greenpeace warrior was less frowned upon.

    You are right though. Although the message with his character was perhaps dubious, I do not find him to be a badly written character or even poorly acted.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Don’t say that. It messes with my Jay-based erotica.

  • RubberCop

    Do you even know the meaning of the words “mercenary” and “pirate”? Max is a survivor and that’s what he tries to do — survive. It couldn’t be stressed more during the film. And he’s got an arch. What arch do the characters in JW have? The uptight but sexy business woman will have sex with Chris Pratt.

  • Palpatine

    They should just put the most obscure dinosaur in the next film.

  • VvdD

    Sorry I meant Deinonychus instead of Dromaeosaurus.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I was born in ’85, so I was in prime condition for a good dino movie in ’93. 🙂

    The Dromaeosaur is a good catch, and probably right too. But from what I recall, the Utahraptor was found just before they worked out the raptor effects in the first film, and the experts they consulted specifically told them about the Utahraptor discovery. Plus raptors is easier to say than Dromaesos.

    Incidentally, the Spinosaurus is wrong in JP3, as it is now believed to have been a four-legged dino, so even the skeleton shown in JW is technically incorrect.

  • VvdD

    Sorry, got that wrong I meant Deinonychus instead of Dromaeosaurus.

  • RLMkeepitup

    it had animal activism vibes going on. his character could probably have been written out together with that scene where Ian’s daughter does gymnastics to kill a raptor

  • RubberCop

    I never lose Hope. She’s safe in my basement right now.

  • VvdD

    Yeah but aren’t all dinosaurs wrong in JP now? They are supposed to have feathers now right?

    http://dinosaurian-age.weebly.com/uploads/2/3/6/6/23660276/5359304_orig.jpg

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    And shit, the originality and depth of the characters isn’t even that important. To quote an old axiom, “it’s not what a movie’s about, but how a movie’s about what it’s about”. It’s the reason why any given Nolan epic, with its endless reams of plot, fails to rise above mediocre, while “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”, with its one-dimensional characters and meandering, pointless plot is a fucking masterpiece.

  • VvdD

    Of course they are, Isn’t there one in JP2? I remember one being scared off by a T-rex approaching?

  • Whiskey Jack

    I was rather annoyed with the whole I-Rex thing in JW. I still think they should have just said they wanted something bigger than a T-Rex, and made a Gigantasaurus instead of cooking up something new, and ultimately rather uninspired. The I-Rex is just an albino T-Rex with raptor hands. A Gigantasaurus was a real creature, and huge.

  • Earth

    To me it’s just deciding not to be an asshole. If Max had really regained his humanity he would’ve stayed with Furiosa. He left the only place with a water source and food because he still desires to fight those he blames for his family’s deaths (if we’re still gonna acknowledge the flimsy canon of this series).

  • Palpatine

    That looks really weird for some reason.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Mike actually does imply it’s better than FURY ROAD when he says — out loud, in English — “it’s the best movie this year.”

  • William Merrill

    I must have a completely different definition of what a mercenary-pirate is. I’m referring to the Han Solo type characters. The ones that are just in it for themselves in the beginning. If that isn’t what a mercenary-pirate is… Then forgive my ignorance.

    And I honestly don’t get the Family Guy reference… Even JW’s references have more subtlety than that… And how can you possibly accuse JW of wanking the nostalgia organ when you are defending Fury Road? You don’t think the glowing praise has ANYTHING to do with nostalgia? The entire summer movie line-up does! At least JW is more tougue and cheek about it.

    Like I said… Preferences. I just think JW is a more intelligent film than Fury Road. Not objetively better. Just smarter and more fun.

  • Michael Stuvland

    anyone else get the impression mike cares less about making these as they release each one?

  • VvdD

    It does, which is probably why they aren’t doing it. But it’s also slightly creepy. Perhaps it could work. They could introduce them in JP, just say they now found a way to clone them without using reptilian dna.

    I don’t mind either way, but I can see a nice feathered Dino’s vs old school Dino’s scene coming up 😉

  • Palpatine

    He may have gone too far in a few places with that statement.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yep. It’s fairly obvious.

  • Whiskey Jack

    He’s definitely overselling it, true. I’d say JW was better than Ultron though. At least, I had more fun watching JW than the new Avengers, though I didn’t hate AoU. But Fury Road is easily the best film in the past decade, or more.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    So you really are Mr. Plinkett. Fuck!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s like saying herpes is better than ball cancer.

  • Earth

    In the Man With No Name trilogy Clint Eastwood barely says shit. Yet his character in those films is interesting, and those films are brilliant.

  • Palpatine

    I do. HitB and BotW will be cancelled soon, and Pre-Rec will be the only show on here.

  • VvdD

    Agreed, but movies like this aren’t made by paleontologists, they are made by part movie directors, part corporate boardroom.

  • RubberCop

    Let it be our little secret. No-one has to know.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Because it’s a meta-commentary on how video games have taken over from Hollywood.

  • Palpatine

    They don’t look creepy, they look too cute if anything.

  • RLMkeepitup

    And pre-Rec will only survive long term if Mike can but in with a few star trek analogies.

  • William Merrill

    The term mercenary-pirate… As I have come to understand it in my film and literature classes… Refers to self-serving anti-heroes that are only interested in their own survival. It doesn’t literally refer to mercenaries and pirates.

    Examples include Han Solo, Mad Max, Starlord, Spike Spiegel Malcolm Reynolds and… Actually just look up any space opera or space western and you’ll find them.

  • VvdD

    Bird can have a really emotionless creepy death stare.

    Also this more what I consider to look cute:

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–HshDJ0Zj–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/813266302148042132.jpg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes, because explaining film inconsistencies by totally making up excuses is exactly how we should engage with cinematic story-telling.

    Fyuck George Lucas and his legacy.

  • Palpatine

    It’s a shame knowing that every Hollywood movie won’t be like Fury Road. Thank God for foreign cinema though. The Babadook was better than any American horror movie from the past decade.

  • Jayless

    Hurts, doesn’t it.. Yeah it hurts..
    Forever without Jay..

  • Whiskey Jack

    Only the ones that became birds, I think. The actual Jurassic era dinos probably didn’t.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m with you. it doesn’t make sense.

    Unless you factor in that 48% of the box office can be attributed to the exaggerrated IMAX 3D price. Thereby, you can knock off up to 30-40% of the take for a more accurate assessment.

  • VvdD

    No movie is perfect though. And for some people an off-screen explanation is just a logical assumption, while for others it is a stretch and breaks the experience.

    And I don’t think any of us agree with a movie not showing scenes clearly. Just that it’s better to have a movie that still makes sense with off screen logic, than one that can never make sense no matter how much reasoning you use.

  • Jayless

    Fuck moovees

  • VvdD

    Lol that gymnastics scene was horrible, but it’s like 20 seconds and I just close my eyes and pretend the raptor slipped 😉

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yet, you’re defending JW. Adult too into career to be caregiver for children must learn to love? FOUR times in a four-film franchise!

  • VvdD

    Yeah of course, I guess that’s why the triceratops is not feathered in that drawing.

  • Palpatine

    It does have feathers if you look closely.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yeah, I know that instinctively, but it still annoys the kid in me. Plus, I felt like the I-Rex wasn’t weird enough to account for its own hype. It’s a genetically engineered creature, but looks like a T-Rex with a mammalian jaw, and arms copy-pasted from the raptors. They could have given it some genuinely weird features, I don’t know… I guess I was expecting more from it than just some mild, one-time use camo ability. In the original JP book, a random raptor had the ability to camoflauge itself, and it’s not even played as that big a deal. Just another result of mixing in random dna to fill out the gaps in the fossil dna. Here, it’s supposed to make the I-Rex scarier, or more impressive. Then it gets in a big fight with a thirty-year old T-Rex, and a mosasaur proves it’s way nastier than any stupid dino ever was.

  • VvdD

    I thought those were speed lines ;). You are right. To be honest they say it’s not really feathers, more like the fur you see between a birds feathers.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Considering that all characters to whom “they’re just looking out for themselves in the beginning” are the same is very reductive. For starters, it ignores the actual movie that they’re on.

    My point with Family Guy is that the whole reason people care about JW is because of nostalgia for JP, and that the movie (like you yourself admitted before) is based around that. MMFR isn’t built on nostalgia. And the glowing praise has to do with it being a brilliant movie. If anything, it’s the negative reactions that are influenced by nostalgia (“this isn’t like the Mad Max movies I remember”). Seriously, can you cogently argue that Fury Road is in any way shape or form built on nostalgia wank? Don’t confuse that with why the film studios wanted another Mad Max movie (exploit the brand). Just watching the movie: is that there?

    JW’s tongue-in-cheekness is a defensive thing because they realised the kind of movie they were making.

    But yes. Again, we’re at an “agree to disagree” point. JW is more intelligent than MMFR? That statement is so baffling to me that it’s obvious we’ll never agree on this (maybe Birdman). Like I wrote before, I find MMFR to be well conceived, sharply written, very well directed, to visualize its ideas vividly and forcefully. Admitedly, the “redemption” dialogue is a groaner, but that’s about all that’s wrong with that movie.

  • RubberCop

    I didn’t go to those classes so I can’t tell. Still, Mad Max is an archetypical character, and JW characters are just cliches.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’d expect they looked more like the modern cassowary, especially the raptors. That thing basically is a raptor anyway.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Deinonychus is waist tall, I thought. Too short. So if not
    Dromaeosaurus, what the hell am I thinking of? Troodon?

    Dammit all, I need a time machine so I can kidnap my 8 year old self, and ask me questions. I knew everything about dinos as a kid; hell, I’ve got 800 pounds of fossils gathering dust under my bed as we speak, and a 7inch megaladon tooth on my nightstand, all collected before I was 10.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Opinions are subjective. That’s why they can be discredited.

    No, I’m not a big fan of the first movie. The entire premise alienates me. But, it did provide a sense of wonder, a number of thrills and the effects were impressive. I am not concerned about ranking this version to that one.

    This one is completely stupid, all on its own. And the effects are no longer impressive. Only infrequently do any of the creatures have any “weight.” I can name two sequences where I could make out the green-screen projection. At the end of the pterodactyl attack and during the climax while Not Jessica Chastain is crawling around on the pavement. That’s inexcusable. Plus, the dialogue is awful, and the lead actors have the combined charm of an empty box of cereal. In addition, the plot is retarded, and I don’t even like to use that word.

    You are entitled to think I am condescending and obnoxious, and I am entitled to think your opinions are unsupportable. Maybe we’re both wrong.

  • Palpatine

    No. Just no.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    We share this pain, don’t we?

  • VvdD

    Cassowarys are creepy scary motherfuckers though, they’ll fuck you up if you mess with them:

    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4433315/images/1241031968935.jpg

  • VvdD

    Lol

  • Palpatine

    It looks like a 40ft long chicken.

  • Earth

    I think the problem is, Mike is watching all these shitty blockbuster movies to the point that any movie that isn’t Transformers and Man of Steel is a masterpiece. Like, he saw TMNT, and kinda liked it because it wasn’t the Bay-splosion he was expecting. It wasn’t good, but at least he could kind of follow the action.

    This is where we are with movies now folks. If you can actually figure out what the fuck is happening in your movie here’s a gold star. If Mike gets ANY kind of enjoyment out of this shit it’s like HOLY CRAP I’M STILL ALIVE! THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING! So when he got a nostalgic buzz from JW it was like, OH MY GOD, I’M STILL A HUMAN WITH EMOTIONS! BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!

    Being the cyncial E.T. hating asshole (yeah, you heard me) that I am with no emotions, I fear I won’t get this kind of enjoyment out of it, so I’ll probably give this movie a pass, and hope that Mike isn’t completely nostalgia blinded when Star Wars comes out.

    (ps: sorry Mike (and Palpy) for being an asshole. I’ll always love ya, but this review just sounded nostalgia-ridden to me. Which is fine btw, people are allowed to be nostalgic, but I can’t take a review seriously when one is).

  • Whiskey Jack

    It’s very ’80’s; introduce early on that a character has a trait, like belly dancing, and then it gets used in a critical moment later in the film to save the day. Like Star Trek 5.

  • VvdD

    Yeah I know Deinonychus was not big enough, but I think they used it as a template and just “enbiggened” it for movie purposes. Also the claw Alan holds in the movie is a Deinonychus claw I believe.

  • VvdD

    Are we doing the JP scene with the kid and Alan Grant now? Cause I don’t have a raptor claw to intimidate you…

  • Whiskey Jack
  • Like Icare

    Friedkin is a bit full of shit there.

    Real people and real things rooted in gravity PRE-TTY much cancels out the one movie he will most certainly be remembered for – the one with the devil and shit.
    The one right before the Sorcerer. Which was a remake of a far better French movie.

    Which is not a bad movie. Far from it. And it did get overshadowed by Star Wars. And it got plagued by production issues. Ok… more like production disasters.

    But frankly… if it were that good it would be considered a classic today. Like French Connection or that devil movie with real people and real devils.

    Instead of as a frankly unnecessary remake. Sorta like Van Sant’s Psycho. Only with better actors and some actual work on broadening the story and characters.
    And it is FAR from his “best movie”, and frankly, if he really wants to be remembered by that movie he is delusional.

    Nor did he “fall out of favor” after it.
    He kept making movies, including To Live and Die In L.A. which is in his top 3, regardless how you do the sorting.
    A thing he is obviously quite aware of cause he wants to remake it as a TV series.
    Which is creative as fuck.

    And did he, in his “I am not interested in making movies just for the pay-cheque” version of the universe, forget about making C.A.T. Squad and C.A.T. Squad: Python Wolf?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr42xR1Pk1Q
    Too bad he “fell out of favor” back in ’77 or it would have been a trilogy with Cat Squad: Aardvark Hornet.

    As for all that character development done on TV nowadays… That’s more like wishful thinking.

    All this “Nu-TV” thing did was get better production values and talent to the TV – and most of it is in the fields of either a tech renaissance as it is now SO easy to do high definition recording AND editing.

    The other big plus being the generation cliff and hard times for some really quality actors – people gotta eat, and in a recession a steady paycheck beats a gamble on a maybe-maybe-not Oscar movie.
    Actors gotta eat and you can get them cheap.

    What it did NOT bring to the TV is BETTER WRITING.
    Particularly regarding the examples he makes.
    Cause why waste a best selling book or a sure-thingTM script by a good or great writer on a TeVee show – when you can make a trilogy out of it and make millions?

    Instead, just keep piling shit and filler on and call it subplot, kill of characters when you get lost, play-pretend depth of symbolism and character while it is all an obvious red herring and whenever it gets slow drop some R-rated content as people still think that some tits, a dick and a little blood make it all edgy as fuck.
    Or just take characters other people developed in a fucking book (or several) and brought to life by some of that “other country’s” best actors and do a remake.

    And it is not all about superheroes. Or robots. Or vampires (remember them?). Or zombies. Or the next young adult/kids series of books with a built-in fanbase.

    It’s about everyone playing it SO fucking safe – if they want the big bux.

    So it is either a PG or PG-13 movie with big shiny effects and big shiny stars and existing fanbase to bring in the whole family – OR it’s an R-rated “comedy” made with no script for ~$30 million which all went to actors and their close pals who then improvise on set and whatever seems funny ends up in the movie.

    There’s PLENTY of “other stuff” – but it is not there to make money. Those actors, writers and directors got together to make MAYBE the best movie they can but certainly to make the movie they want to make.

    So we get Birdman, Whiplash, Grand Budapest Hotel, Nightcrawler, Gone Girl, The Drop, even American Sniper and Boyhood (which IS a gimmick but it WAS kinda inventive and people loved the gimmick which did actually take some effort to pull off)…
    PTA went out and tried to make a movie out of a Thomas Pynchon book.
    Tim Burton went out and made yet another movie about campy stuff he likes.

    Gone Girl and American Sniper being closest to “we plan to make money on this” with ~$60 mill a pop.
    Whiplash on the other hand took $3.3 mill to make.
    Boyhood $4 mill. And 12 years to make… so everyone fucking loved it… 12 years… that’s like a dozen…

    That Veronica Mars movie raised $5.7 mill on Kickstarter.
    Zach Braff raised $3.1 mill for his pet project of a movie.
    Jon Stewart got Zionists and CIA to pay $5-10 mill for his – according to Iranian state TV.

    And “PG-13 makes bank” is something Friedkin should be acutely aware of considering his last movie got an NC-17 rating and flopped despite positive reviews and awards.
    4 years ago.
    Which was 5 years since his last movie, back in 2006.

    The director of that devil movie and French Connection and TL&DILA couldn’t find actors and money to make a moopie since then? Or he didn’t want to?

    Woody Allen (same age) directed 9 movies since 2006.

    And an opera and a play and a musical.
    Complaining about everyone wanting to make a $100 million movie which will bring back $500 million – all the way to the bank, Cannes, bank, Oscars, bank…

    Friedkin published a memoir.

  • Earth

    NO! THAT’S NOT TRUE! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!

    (we’re totally friends. I got a package with T shirts in them addressed from Michael Stoklasa from Wisconsin).

  • Palpatine

    It seems to me that Mike and Jay’s tastes in film are switching. Mike’s beginning to like schlock, while Jay’s starting to like high-brow art films.

  • mixmastermind

    Then why is the fence broken in that part?

  • VvdD

    Funny thing is, I would appreciate fossils more now than when I was a kid. Except now I have to buy them with my own money 🙁

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I just can’t even begin to wrap my head around that last statement.

    I think you’ve just backed into a corner and we’ve made you feel unnecessarily defensive, so you’re striking out by saying ridiculous things. That’s gotta be it.

    You cannot possibly think JW is a more intelligent film than FURY ROAD.

    That’s not subjectivism. That’s lunacy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    THAT looks like Kids in the Hall’s Chicken Lady.

    BAWK!

  • William Merrill

    “You are entitled to think I am condescending and obnoxious, and I am entitled to think your opinions are unsupportable”

    Truer words have never been spoken. Still don’t agree though. And uh… That was Bryce Dallas Howard… Not Jessica Chastain.

  • Whiskey Jack

    So, am I the only one who thinks that Owen Thunderguns’ character should have been named Phil Tippett? Or that Whit Hertford should have been the one playing the hipster computer guy?

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I think that’s always been the case. Jay has always had the broader and more ecletic tastes, while Mike seems to start from a “movie review in a broadsheet for a middlebrow audience” type place, if you know what I mean (if I was less sleepy and incoherent I’d probably articualte, articulate, that better).

  • Earth

    Mike’s always loved schlock. I think now he’s just becoming used to CGI (even when a lot of the time it still looks fake and cartoony)

    I think Jay is still Jay to be honest. He’s always been pretty analytical and more straight (don’t worry Ommie, not in that way) about whether he likes a movie or not.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Agreed.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Justin Tippett.

    It’s funnier.

  • Like Icare

    Nah… You can tell he still cares by him making up his own versions of the movie and characters.

  • Palpatine

    Didn’t Whit Hertford play that annoying kid from the fossil dig in first one?

  • William Merrill

    That is your opinion. But I guess that’s what I deserve for trying to defend a movie on the internet.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I bought my megalodon tooth in the mid’ 90’s for around $60, with my own money. God only knows what the mark up on those things are. Then again, they’ve had a few million years to go up in price already….

  • VvdD

    Except JP2 isn’t an 80’s movie. Another noteworthy example is Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. Where Indiana Jr. complains about having to take fencing classes and then later ends up fencing while standing between two off-roading vehicles. In fact that’s a pretty horrible scene as well.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Mike will be harder on STAR MORES because his investment is greater.

  • Palpatine

    *hard on

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yes. One thing JW missed out on, was shoehorning in random actors from the first film.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nah. You go, man. I’m impressed by how you stick up for something even in the face of all undeniable evidence to the contrary.

    (wink)

  • Earth

    (Currently still on full asshole/bitching about movie I still haven’t seen yet mode) I really didn’t like that scene with Chris Pratt and the boss lady whatever. And not because I’m a Sensitive Joss Whedon. My problem is the acting…

    It’s like a student stage-play performance. The over-the-top mannerisms, the stupid soap opera dialogue. Ugh, I thought Mike was gonna bring that up as an example of awful acting and writing.

  • VvdD

    Haha, I’ve looked at some of the prices, I would say a big tooth can go for over 300 dollars easily. Depending on it’s condition.

    Of course that price difference can be completely explained by inflation.

  • Palpatine

    I’m actually glad they didn’t do that.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I know. Not Jessica Chastain.

    “Not Jessica Chastain” is what I call Bryce Howard so I can tell the two apart.

  • William Merrill

    Alright one last thing before I leave though. MMFR isn’t built on nostalgia… But its monumental praise is. JW is no different.

    Every single positive review for that film made at least one passing reference to the glory days of 80’s action. People praised Judge Dredd for the same reason. I liked both MMFR and Judge Dredd. They were great for what they were.

    I just enjoyed JW better. I’m sorry if that offends your rigid understanding of film quality. I will agree to disagree now. Nice chat.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I didn’t mean that it was a good thing, or anything. Just a very ’80’s moment. It’s still unnecessary. Really, there’s no need for a kid in the movie at all. She disappears for the ending T-Rex chase around SD anyway.

    I prefer not to think of any random scene from Crystal Skull, thank you. Though I’ve argued before that the monkey swinging was stupider than the atomic fridge, though not by much.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    It’s just like Vincent d’Onofrio’s “Am I a Monster” scene in Daredevil.

  • Palpatine

    I think has Mike has lost his touch.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It doesn’t really stick out so badly in the film because ALL THE ACTING AND DIALOGUE IS JUST AS BAD AS THAT.

  • William Merrill

    Evidence… Again… Using objective terminology does not make your opinion valid… Especially about a movie… Why am I even doing this? I was really dumb to think I could change people’s minds about this film.

  • Like Icare

    Jay is playing it smart and safe as he just witnessed Mike pulverize that VHS tape with his bare hands and cause he knows how much beer Mike had already.

    He’s not been getting those guns ready just for the cardio and cause he wants to look good.
    He knows that it is just a question of time when Mike snaps and turns into an unstoppable destructive force out for blood.
    https://img.4plebs.org/boards/tv/image/1365/29/1365296200375.jpg

  • Whiskey Jack

    Surely you don’t mean that you wouldn’t have loved for those kids to find a giant human skeleton in the woods, next to a rusty car and a can of shaving cream? 😉

  • Billy_Whizz

    They’re switching places gradually. Jay was normally the happy go lucky upbeat one and Mike was the cynical and dead inside one. Give it more time and Jay will be slurring words and throwing bottles around whilst Mike looks on bemused.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    There was a Torosaurus in JP3 that got scared from the Spinosaur poop smell. In JP2 the’re are no large carnivores except for the couple of T-rexes.

  • Earth

    Oh god really? Can a fan please say otherwise? Because the idea of all the acting being like this just sounds like a nightmare.

  • Palpatine

    As someone who liked the movie, I’ll admit that while the acting was okay, the writing was pretty bland.

  • Like Icare

    I may have gone too far in few places there. Or at least way off topic.

    Now back to 9/11.

  • VvdD

    I wasn’t suggesting that you were suggesting it was a good thing. Was just saying. Monkey swinging vs atomic fridge? mmh Monkey wins stupid award because it was not necessary, whereas the atomic fridge was at least integral to the plot.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’re gonna hate on me, but, again, just NO. The reviews of FURY ROAD I’ve read use ’80s action styles as an example of what FURY ROAD is different from.

    The “monumental” praise is built on the substance of the movie.

    Compared to EVERY positive review of JW which asks the reader to ignore the film’s flaws because, Summer.

  • VvdD

    Ok, I remember a scene where a carnivore is about to attack some people but suddenly runs away scared. Must be another movie.

  • Earth

    Well that’s a relief I guess.

    It’s gonna be a coin flip. I’m probably gonna have to see this movie because friends will want to see it, so I just have to hope that Palpy’s right.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Looks like it is wearing its winter coat.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Upvote for the Ebert quote.

  • Billy_Whizz

    Is that little cartoon DNA thing that said ‘Dino-sars’ in this one?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yes, briefly.

  • Sully

    Because…

  • VvdD

    Believe it or not, There is actually a theory they used these proto-feathers to protect from heat. Not sure about the specifics though.

  • Rory

    I’m legitimately surprised that Mike wasn’t more offended by the seriously weak, annoying, undeveloped, exposition-spouting characters in this movie.
    It was a fun, stupid monster movie, but it certainly wasn’t good. (Also, full speed run in high heels = even the director knows this is stupid).

  • Like Icare

    As a person who once drew up a diagram and a map of what happened and where everyone actually as in an anime-themed role playing game which got off topic and off story with everyone’s character wandering around aimlessly I have the following thing to say about the map/diagram above:

    NERDS!!!

  • Sully

    I believe that was one. But they’re believed to have hunted in groups, and in real life, they probably would’ve taken down the T-rex and the Spino at once.

  • Whiskey Jack

    It’s a set up to the tequila joke, really. It’s a little forced, and feels awkward. That goes for a lot of random dialogue in the film, but not all of it. I feel its mostly when the film is trying to make a joke. I actually found the Jimmy Fallon cameo more jarring, though.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I love Palpy, but I think he’s wrong. It’ll be interesting to hear your opinion after viewing.

    I don’t blame the actors because their lines are terrible. But there isn’t a single believable performance. Not one. Even when Judy Greer bursts into tears she reminded me of a Community Player.

  • Earth

    The tequila joke in the scene? Or is the scene a setup for a later joke? (That at least I could deal with).

  • William Merrill

    “Use ’80s action styles as an example of what FURY ROAD is different from.”

    Yes, hence the reference… Why would they even bother comparing them if the film DIDN’T invoke some kind of connection to ’80s action glory days?

    I’m starting to feel like a fucking battered housewife that keeps going back to her abusive husband… Oh well. At least Mike Stoklosa agrees that Jurassic World was fun.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’ve been saying that for years. In fact, I think they missed an opportunity to send a message about how ecoterrorists as bad guys too. But no, it most likely wasn’t the intention of Spielberg or Koepp to make the good guys responsible for all the deaths in the movie.

    If the “heroes” hadn’t intervened and wrecked the hunter’s operation, all InGen really wanted was to bring some herbivores to San Diego (Pachycephalosaurus, Triceratops, Stegosaurus, Parasaurolophus, etc.) How was that dangerous? The only reason they end up taking the T-rex instead is because Vince Vaugh is an asshole.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    In addition to seconding what Pa Kent said, maybe, I just gotta ask: why the defensiveness? Did I accuse you of having a poor or subpar understanding of film quality or something?

  • Palpatine

    I love how we all have differing opinions on this film, just like Mike and Jay do.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Oh, shit, that’s right. Proper credit to the source.

  • VvdD

    Yeah there are theories the T-rex was just a big wussy scavenger, it sure doesn’t look very capable of fighting well. Spino was just a fish eater. Wouldn’t be that aggressive to other land animals.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I think that was meant to be funny, like a gag out of a bad SNL sketch, but it didn’t work.

  • William Merrill

    “JW is more intelligent than MMFR? That statement is so baffling to me that it’s obvious we’ll never agree on this (maybe Birdman).”

    “You cannot possibly think JW is a more intelligent film than FURY ROAD.

    That’s not subjectivism. That’s lunacy.”

    Because those comments were needlessly offensive. That’s where the defensiveness comes from.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I can wait until the hype and initial wow wears off. Five years we’re all gonna be fyucking this like Emmerich’s GODZILLA.

  • Whiskey Jack

    It in the scene. I don’t recall there being a later joke about tequila, though that might have been better. I could see them tossing a drink in a raptor’s mouth, making it sick, playing back on the whole tequila-diet thing. But whatever, missed opportunity.

    Honestly, rather than being annoyed at any particular bad lines, I had a bigger problem just understanding the dialogue from the rich guy. He says something right before he gets in his helicoptor, and I have no idea what he said. It was clearly something poignant, or important, but I couldn’t make it out at all. Just the accent, I guess.

  • Earth

    Yeah. Sorry guys. I have to agree with Pa Kent here. This just seems like a movie everyone loves now but will slowly start to act like we always hated it.

    (FFS I haven’t even seen it yet and I’m getting this vibe from the hype. Usually hype is supposed to make you excited for the movie, not more sceptical.)

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    The first one is mine, and is it offensive? I just said I had such an opposite view to yours that I couldn’t even see where you were coming from. What’s offensive about it?

  • Earth

    Like the Japanese guy at the helicopter in Inception?

  • RLMkeepitup

    thought you meant like Kung Fury

  • VvdD

    Really? Was contemplating on seeing it, but found the trailer to look very cheesy and overly CGI heavy (and that’s coming from someone that enjoys eastern European folkore horror. It reminded me of that Hugh Jackman movie: Van Helsing.

    But maybe I should give it a try.

  • Palpatine

    I agree with him too. In five years from now, people aren’t gonna remember this film, they’re still gonna remember the first one.

  • Billy_Whizz

    Excellent. He was my favourite character in the original.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Makes no sense.

    Some critic: “This is substantially better than the Mad Max movies in the ’80s.”

    You: “So you agree with me that the ’80s were glory days.”

    Me: “No, he just said the opposite.”

    You: “Hey, don’t offend me. I have opinions, too!”

    Me: “I should’ve stopped a long time ago when I said I was going to.”

    You: “So you agree with me. I’m righht!”

    Me: “Jeebus.”

    Some critic: “JURASSIC WORLD. It’s a movie!”

  • Palpatine

    It’s a legitimately scary film.

  • VvdD

    Oh wow sorry, Yeah I’ve seen Babadook. That movie is great. I was thinking of the Baba Yaga movie, forget what I said.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It makes sense, but looks stupid as fuck. No wonder nature selected them for extinction. Until a decade ago we all thought dinosaurs were some of the coolest animals that ever existed, when in reality they were prehistory’s people of walmart.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Baffling” and “lunacy.” They demean his intelligence. I can kinda see that.

    Not that I’m gonna retract anything, but I don’t really want to bully anybody.

  • Like Icare

    This should work in theory.
    Haven’t ever tried it with VLC though, and have no idea how long it will take to reencode with your particular setup.

    http://www.ehow.com/how_8427083_change-frame-rate-vlc.html

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    KUNG FURY is silly fun, but it isn’t stupid. Or, if it is stupid, it isn’t offensively so like a certain other little smash hit I could mention with, um, dinosaurs in it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ew, VAN HELSING. I’d almost put that thing out of my mind.

  • VvdD

    If you didn’t like the acting in that scene… That’s probably the best acting in the whole movie…

  • RLMkeepitup

    there was quite a bit of exposition. I loved how fast the park owner went from we’re not releasing dinosaurs to okay let’d do it!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Mike has always been more forgiving of dumb popcorn movies, as long as he is entertained by them.

  • Palpatine

    I’m still waiting for Mike and Jay to drunkenly review it.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Oh shit, Argentina vs. Uruguay is on! Fuck moovees!

  • Palpatine

    I stopped watching that movie five minutes in.

  • VvdD

    The tone of the movie flip flopped too much for my liking. EVERY single action scene is followed up by lighthearted joke or pun, or a romantic kiss out of nowhere. It kinda broke the feeling of actual danger for me.

  • He later goes on to say that Fury Road was better.

  • VvdD

    Haha, right on point!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The fence design is terrible. Apparently when the T-rex snapped the cables in that one spot, the whole paddock cables collapsed. Whomever designed that was asking for trouble.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yeah, you’re right. I had the same impression of that moment. Also, he later says something unintelligible to the military dude in the back seat of the chopper. Couldn’t understand that either.

    On the other hand, I understood every thing that same actor said in LIFE OF PI, and I’m still wishing I hadn’t.

  • Palpatine

    I gave up during that scene where Van Helsing was fighting that big monster guy in the church.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Thanks. I turned this episode off after 12 minutes.

  • VvdD

    I’m guessing you don’t have a high opinion of the first one then?

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Me neither, but I just thought I was expressing my complete inability to understand his point of view, which I thought wasn’t really any more offensive to him than to me. But, yeah, I don’t want to bully anyone either.

  • Whiskey Jack

    As I’ve said several times now, I feel enjoying JW is largely a matter of getting your expectations right. The original film was mostly an excuse to show off cutting edge special effects technology; dialogue, characters, and plot were all secondary.

    I saw all the JW trailers, and thought it looked like crap, just like the new Terminator film. The only reason I saw JW at all was that Fury Road was full, and I’d already seen it 4 times now. I didn’t even realize JW had come out yet. But a lot of the stupid stuff in the trailer, especially the raptor-motorcycle scene, is better set up than I expected. I figured they’d somehow have the raptors and humans forming a truce, ala AVP, but it was more like domestication. The raptors were raised by Owen from hatchlings, and considered them their alpha. And they simply acted as a pack, which logically fits with their behavior from the first film pretty well.

    So if you go in not expecting a masterpiece, but simply a fun little movie with some dinos, you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised. Just my two cents, of course.

  • VvdD

    What? That was because he died in a helicopter crash and you can’t say no when you are dead.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Don’t I know it. Wink.

  • Billy_Whizz

    I love it. I just love the way that he says ‘dino-sarrrs’ even more.

  • Earth

    aw jeez. I was kinda mildly interested after Mike’s enthusiasm. Seriously, I’m not even that great a judge of acting and I thought this scene was horrible, and now 2 people are telling me the rest of the movie is like that.

    I’m getting sinister Avatar-undertones from all this.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nah. The *best* acting is when that one Russian-looking dude in the copter shoots the winged mini-Rex (Palpy knows what it’s really called). The dude doesn’t snicker or guffaw, and that showed real restraint. Some times, acting is more about what one doesn’t do than what one does.

  • VvdD

    I actually enjoyed the movie in an after work kind of way, but you won’t hear me say the acting was any good. And neither was the writing. The movie looked like trash when I saw the trailer and it actually turned out to have all the stupid, cliched stuff in it I expected… however.. it does everything else really well. Meaning the action set pieces are good and if you just want some dino erotica, it delivers.

  • Palpatine

    That scene made me laugh.

  • VvdD

    That’s more a win by default though.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, Jeebus. This makes AVATAR look like a foreign art film from the ’60s.

  • Earth

    I wasn’t expecting much story-wise. But I figured acting, dialogue and action would all be fine in a bland sort of way. But I cannot understand why they would showcase this scene as a highlight. It’s awful.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hence the asterisks.

  • VvdD

    Wouldn’t you typically use quotation marks to do that? Not even sure what else you use asterisks for aside for footnotes. But yeah I got you anyway, and you are right, just wanted to state it anyway.

  • Earth

    To be honest: my mind is just thinking, watch JW and appreciate it for the schlock movie about dinosaur action it is, or go see Mad Max for the third time in the cinema before they stop showing it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I like to mix up the symbols. Keeps peeps on tiptoes.

  • Palpatine

    Just think, in ten years from now, Jurassic World may be on BotW.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s right. Give in. Be part of the problem. Not the solution.

    (wink)

  • Palpatine

    Are you in the Illuminati?

  • VvdD

    I don’t know man.. JW if you like Dinosaurs chomping on each other and you don’t get easily annoyed by references to JP. Mad Max for the third time would be too much for me, but if you really really liked it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I sit right behind you at the meetings. Geez!

  • VvdD

    In that case see it because it’ll be funnier if you’ve seen the movie.

    But I don’t think it’s bad enough to be on BOTW which is actually part of it’s problem. It’s too by the book in terms of characters and writing. Too safe.

    The villain is a mustache twirling bad guy, but he isn’t overacting in way that’s entertaining.

  • Earth

    It’s the first movie in a long long time where I’ve wanted to see it for a THIRD time (and to be fair, there’s been a fairly decent two week gap since I last saw it).

  • Earth

    This movie really could’ve done with Nicolas Cage in a snakeskin jacket.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yes, he mentions the previous year he worked with Greenpeace because lots of women are part of Greenpeace.

    I didn’t mean that the characters were badly acted, Julianne Moore is almost always very good (except in Evolution) and Vince Vaughn was fresh off Swingers. Their characters do come across as unlikable. In fact outside of Malcolm, the only other likable character is Postlethwaite’s Roland Tembo, who we are supposed to believe is one of the bad guys. When you think about Tembo, The even had to delete a scene where he defends a waitress from some drunken patrons, because that would’ve made him even more heroic.

    I do think that having your heroes be responsible for everyone’s deaths is confusing, unless that was your intention. I’ve always wondered if that is part of the reason that most people don’t like that movie.

  • VvdD

    No I am not judging you, it’s just that I personally need a longer time for me to revisit a movie for the third time mainly because I need to look at it from another perspective. I’ve seen plenty movies twice (mostly because I got to the cinema and decide to go to the same movie because someone else hasn’t seen it and I want them to see it)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ve seen FURY ROAD 4 times and enjoyed it most on the even viewings. Granted, that’s probably because the friends I was with the 4th time are my favorites, and the first time I had to piss really bad through the final third.

    Still, I NEVER see a movie in the theater more often than twice, so to like it as much on the fourth go-’round is an interesting phenomenon for me.

  • Palpatine

    I’ll be sure to look for at the next meeting. After all, I am the Supreme Leader of the Illuminati.

  • VvdD

    Yup, that would have put it over the edge enough to make it worthwhile bad.

  • Percy Gryce

    Yeah, speak for yourself. Mike’s gonna return my calls any day now.

  • Earth

    I dunno, watching it in the cinema while eating popcorn just sounds so appealing to me right now.

  • Earth

    Bad? You mean AMAZING right?

  • Percy Gryce

    Women’s figure skating?

  • Earth

    Silly 18th Century people. It’s all about women’s mud wrestling now.

  • VvdD
  • Hank_Henshaw

    Here’s a question to people that have seen the movie (I’m going Thursday):

    There’s supposed to be a dilophosaurus in JW, is it a baby like the one that killed Nedry/Newman or is it an adult-sized dilophosaurus this time around?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s a hologram.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    ah, ohhh. Bah.

  • Percy Gryce

    Mike just likes a popcorn movie once in a while. He’s not the dark, twisted auteur that Jay is.

  • VvdD

    Well you sure got me good 😉

  • Percy Gryce

    Heresy! I think he’s a comic genius.

    Then again I think my eight-year-old daughter is a comic genius.

  • RLMkeepitup

    i thought he said he would look into the science of it, maybe my memories failing again. guess there’s people here who haven’t seen it so i should probly shh

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Mike makes schlock like the Monkey Man trilogy. Jay made the Lynchian Pork Pork in Space.

  • Earth

    Jay was just annoyed that there were no hot girls made to look super ugly then slitting their wrists and serial killer Elijah Wood’s.

  • VvdD

    Feel exactly like you do. I expected it to be complete trash. Went because my family members wanted to see it, went, it was exactly like I expected (all the dumb scenes that I thought would be in are in) but the way it was tied together was better than I could have expected from seeing that trailer. I found it entertaining.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yep. But he’s *wrong* this time. You know how I know he’s wrong? He out-and-out names the one thing he doesn’t like about the movie, and that one thing is the entire plot-thrust of the entire movie. That one thing is the only reason Chris Pratt is even in the thing doing the things he’s doing. That one thing drives the whole conclusion. It’s the twist that is behind the “villainy” or conflict of the movie.

    How can you really like something except for the one thing that you don’t like which is the biggest thing in the movie, sigh, and not be wrong?

    I feel dirty even typing that sentence.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You can’t tell him how to live his life.

  • VvdD

    Alright, I guess they put the cameo in just for people like you then 😉

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nah. SPOILER defyuck outta it. Do it because you love people.

  • RLMkeepitup

    An earlier script for jurassic world is up here for those interested in how bad it could have been (obviously big spoilers for those who haven’t seen it since some plot elements carry over) : https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-1uo14GK7BhaU9QNjRfdEliUS1Jemszd3hQZVVRd2prQkxB/edit?pli=1

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    True dat.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Soccer. So, sort of, yeah.

  • Percy Gryce

    He might be wrong to say it’s a good movie. He’s not wrong simply to enjoy it, which is what I gathered from his review.

  • VvdD

    I thought he strongly disagreed and only after the guy became really pushy and creepy he changed his tone and said he would look into his research after they deal with this mess, or at least after they tried it his way (helicopter minigun). It wasn’t really clear as it’s one quick line. But considering he only takes over and takes action AFTER the guy dies, I’m pretty sure he didn’t give the go ahead.

    It was a really stupid plot point though, they should have just had the raptors escape in the chaos and the tracker in the I-Rex should have just malfunctioned instead of being purposely pulled out.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I’m not going to watch it again to check, but I think he does say it’s the best movie (barr Fury Road) of the year.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    But he does pooh-pooh Jay’s reasons for disliking it as trivial when they are far-more accurate and based in cinematic critique.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If you build a cage where, if a single bar is broken, the whole cage falls apart, that’s bad.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He does. He doesn’t even qualify that assessment in the part I watched, but I stopped half-way through.

  • VvdD

    Yes that’s what he said. And that he personally enjoyed it more than Fury Road, but he still respects Fury Road more.

    I guess he just really like Dinosaurs?

  • VvdD

    Is that the script where they want to make DIno-Human hybrids with that horrible concept art? Yeah, that stuff was crazy bad.

  • Charon

    It is SO refreshing to know that Jay and Mike are tackling the serious issues of contemporary culture. The Sensitive Joss Whedons of our time are due for a scathing critique.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ah, the argument a man uses when explaining to his wife why he spent last Thursday with a hooker.

    OK, then.

  • Percy Gryce

    Which supports my point that he just enjoyed it and doesn’t care about logical reasons for critiquing it.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Then you missed Jay going from describing JW as a shitty movie to saying he’s “on the fence” by the end. It was my favourite part.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yet he didn’t enjoy the most significant plot point, which supports my point that he’s gone a bit nutters in the noggin.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Mike pays his checks.

  • Percy Gryce

    Yes, but that’s hyperbole:

    “Strawberry ice cream is the greatest culinary invention of all time” = “I like strawberry ice cream.”

  • Percy Gryce

    I’d wager that they’re actually equal partners.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Truly? I always thought this was Mike’s brainchild / baby.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Well, the way he says it, repeatedly, sounds to me like he’s really saying it and not using hyperbole.

  • VvdD

    Long over due. Question is, who dares? Mike does.

  • Percy Gryce

    Mike did start a different RLM years ago in Arizona (for some reason). When he came back to Wisconsin, he started a new RLM and my guess is that he and Jay are co-owners.

  • Whiskey Jack

    On the plus side, it’s a clever little moment, and good use of the hologram tech established earlier in the film. Of all the little nods to JP, it’s at least genuinely useful to the characters and not just there to be a reference.

  • Percy Gryce

    But that was why I called it a popcorn movie: it doesn’t have to make sense, one can just enjoy the spectacle.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll allow it.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Yes, it’s refreshing to see Mike coming around to seeing the world the way Adam Sandler does.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    I want to see Terminator, Palply. George Lucas says it’s the best Terminator movie since Terminator: Rise of the Machines.

  • VvdD

    Mmmh, I guess I always read between the lines and never take what people say as fact, so it doesn’t bother me as much. Like people insisting you add “in my opinion” to every one of your statements.

    Plus Mike is pretty hard headed and dominant, you saw how Jay softened up his critique just to avoid feeling Mike’s wrath ;).

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    If one says, “I enjoy it as a popcorn movie.”

    If one says, however, “It’s the best movie of the year, and your points to the contrary are trivial, but, just by the way, I didn’t like the plot,” then one loses much, if not all, credibility for their positive claims.

    Methinks. Anyway.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’ve been thinking it over, and I’m pretty sure you could recut JW to remove all of D’Onofrio’s scenes/lines from the film without having to refilm anything and the movie would still make sense.
    Probably more sense, actually.

    Maybe you’d have to reshoot the scene where the control room is taken over.

  • VvdD

    Lol Mike can be scary, have you seen how he treats Rich? I bet Rich disagreed a lot with Mike in the past, he’s very opinionated as well 😉

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    It’s kind of funny that Mike uses the same type of arguments to defend this movie that he mocked in their review of “Movie 43”.

  • Percy Gryce

    Jay doesn’t care enough about this popcorn movie to mount a campaign against it. In that case, it’s easier just to defer.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    But then, unless I’m misreading…SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER…You wouldn’t have motivation for Dr. Fu Man Wu to have come up with the Indominus in the first place, as I got the impression from his twist that all that “more teeth” rationale was just cover.

  • Percy Gryce

    I mean, the man lives in Milwaukee. If a simple popcorn movie can brighten his dreary existence for a few brief, shining moments, I say let him celebrate that with no criticism from me.

  • VvdD

    Of course. But I just mentioned it to show that “hyperboling” is just part of Mike’s modus operandi, part of his dominant personality.

  • Percy Gryce

    He also turned back time by rewinding a clock.

    He’s doing a bit.

  • Percy Gryce

    SPOILERS!

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Poor Mike, Milwaukee really is a punchline, huh? I mean, my entire country is a punchline, but at least we have great wine, so we can just get drunk and pretend we’re awesome.

  • VvdD

    You know there is more than black and white in the world right?

  • Percy Gryce

    The term is “hyperbolating.” Which I coined. Well before the earliest recorded usage in Urban Dictionary.

  • VvdD

    Except I only spoiled the non-used script, and perhaps a bit of JP2.

  • Percy Gryce

    I take it you haven’t been to Milwaukee. I have. I liked it, but that was at the end of May and I have exotic tastes.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’m probably getting confused by the fact that the same character in the JP book is actually wanting to make the dinos more docile, more like how people want them to act, than the killing machines they actually are. He’s 180degrees different in JW as in the book.

    Still, I’m not really sure you need to even have him in the film either, at least not his whole escaping the island scene or his confrontation with Rich Man’s Goldblum guy. The whole “we wanted it bigger and scary for higher park attendance” works fine as a motive, I think.

    I really feel as if the whole military angle was just to setup a sequel involving that Nano-T-rex thing D’Onofrio vaguely mentioned before the raptor ate him. And I’m not really sure why the bother, as there very likely was a real-life mini-T-Rex dino. They don’t need to bioengineer one from scratch.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I’ve never even been outside of Europe.

  • Percy Gryce

    PC is the death of comedy. Mike is a comic genius. So naturally he opposes PC. Q.E.D.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll allow it.

    I think the whole military angle (and Wu’s escape) is set-up for the sequels to this. Yes, people. I’m saying it: It’s gonna get even worse from here.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Whedon recanted/apologized for attacking the movie from an out-of-context clip, didn’t he? It all got lost/buried in that stupid Mad Max feminist controversy bs.

  • Percy Gryce

    Which country is home?

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Portugal, home of the Raging Forest Fire.

  • VvdD

    He also got criticized himself over the portrayal of black widow in his own movie. I wonder if he apologized before or after that?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Honestly, all I really want is a half-way decent Cadillacs and Dinosaurs movie. A post-apocalyptic, dinosaur world with guns. Is that so much to ask for?!

  • VvdD

    I didn’t get the Mad Max feminist controversy, just because a movie has a female lead, does not mean it has a feminist narrative. Alien doesn’t have a feminist narrative, but it has one of the most kick-ass female leads ever.

    Frozen and especially Maleficent do have strong feminist narratives for instance.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yet, turns out he’s correct. JW is both sexist and stupidly macho.

    Nobody’s talking about it now because it seems minor to be accused of sexism when you clearly think every gender of human in beyond dumb-fyuck.

  • VvdD

    Haha, makes me think of Jack apologizing every time Mike makes a non-PC joke. Good dynamic those two. You can notice they didn’t grow up together.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Even cis-gender!?! Or whatever the hell the current label for normal is.

  • Percy Gryce

    Nice. Never been. One of these years, maybe after I walk the Camino de Santiago.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I must admit you’ve got me on that one. I have no idea. I know some people want to believe we live in a post-Jenner — sorry — post-gender society, but, um, we don’t.

    I don’t know what cis-gender is.

  • VvdD

    It’s people that have the same gender as their sex. Unlike trans-gender.

    The fact that we are ignorant about it probably means we are all cis-scum 😉

  • Whiskey Jack

    I recall he specifically mentions making smaller, more docile versions of dinosaurs, to be sold as pets. He thought it would be another way of actually making money off of the technology, instead of a stupid park. But it’s been ages since I read the book, I could be confusing him with one of the other InGen people. Pretty much every major plot-point in the first three films, and a lot in JW, comes from the first JP book. There’s a lot in there, well worth a read, though it isn’t Crichton’s best.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I still am having a hard time figuring why a male ex-jock who becomes a woman is considered “brave,” but a white woman who wants to be black has to be tarred and feathered.

    When I’m confused like this, I just chalk it up to one, indisputable truism: People are just damned stupid.

  • Whiskey Jack

    From what I’ve worked out, purely from the context in which I’ve heard cisgender used, it means normal. Born male, think you are male, etc. Seems rather redundant, but whatever.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “His mama said he had a tinkle, I’mma gonna call him Mr. Caitlyn.”

    On the other hand: Pursuit of Happiness. I’m supposed to be in favor of it.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I hope you do, and hopefully you’ll be lucky with the fires. If you want to piss off the locals, talk to us in Spanish.

  • VvdD

    It just needs time. People who are first always have it the worst.

    But there is also the fact the black community finds it offensive that a white woman identifies as black woman because they feel she has all the privilege as a white person so she couldn’t possibly know what it is like to be a black person. Or that’s what I’ve heard.

    I’m white, male and cis, so don’t mind my opinion lol.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yeah, but white males have been wiggas since at least Eminem was popular.

    The NAACP thing is racist AND sexist. Racy! Rexist!

  • Whiskey Jack

    I can’t see why. Hawkeye is the chick of the group. His outfit has no sleeves, after all. At least in the first Avengers. Plus he has to be saved a lot, and he whines about everything.

    And his superpower isn’t a super power. At least Black Widow has wrist-tasers and guns (and super soldier serum, in the comics).

  • VvdD

    No it definitely means same sex, same gender. But I don’t know if there are people who are taking artistic license with it. I do know transgender activist started using it first to describe those that discriminate on them. It’s possible that feminists have “borrowed” the word and interpreted in the dame way, meaning those that oppose us.

  • VvdD

    Haha, true that. but I think even Eminem would have been in for an ass-whooping if he claimed he was black.

    Basically what we are discussing is, race (decided by DNA) vs culture.

    Some would say equating race with culture is racist, so I guess that is the reason you can’t go around claiming you are another race. Because you are implying that a certain behavior is specific to your skin color.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Race is always a touchy, contradictory issue. Any label system is, really. I have family from Africa, who are white, and have been in Africa for centuries. But you can’t call them African-American here, they’re too pale for that apparently. And I’ve got a friend who is Caucasian when he’s home in Brazil, but called black/African-American when he travels to the US. Weird world we live in.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Brazil have their own fucked up racial stuff going on, for which you can thank us in Portugal.

    This whole conversation is something I’d normally love being a part of, but I’m just too fucking sleepy. Great goal, though.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Lordy, gets confusing knowing what label is what. I need a book or something.

  • VvdD

    Technically race doesn’t even exist. It’s a man made concept, like language. Everybody is a mix of million other individuals, some turn out darker than others. You might as well call brown haired people a different race than blond haired people. There is no difference. Where is the limit of segregating ourselves based on physical descriptions?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I prefer segregation to be based strictly on bank balance, like here in Murica.

  • VvdD

    That’s class-ism though, and just as much a thing as racism.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’m just thankful my Granny was full-blood Cherokee/Shawnee. Really helps me shut up people who try pulling the race-card crap with me at work. I’m so mixed blood, I can’t remember what I am anymore. Some how my aunt is Okinawan, great-grandpa was black (or something, no one remembers for sure), and the white-side of my family are all german/dutch, and worked as migrant farmworkers until the mexicans priced them out of the industry back in the 50’s. I’ve got all my bases covered. 🙂

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    First, it was Johnny Storm as a black man. Next, it will be Bruce Wayne as a poor dude.

    #Progress

  • VvdD

    To be honest, even if you are completely white (eventhough such a thing does not exist) as long as you are being reasonable, you should have just as much as a voice as anybody else, mixed, black or asian. Because otherwise that would be racist as well.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yeah, and a bank balance isn’t even as important as where you live. I make less money than my cousin, but have more take-home pay because I’m not living in a major city. That’s the real problem with these Ism’s, not enough context. 😉

  • Palpatine

    Has anyone here read the Jurassic Park book?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Bond as a black man. No one cares about Fant4stic.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yes. But not the second one; spilled a two-liter of pepsi on it, and never got through the last half. Pages were too sticky.

  • VvdD

    You hit the nail on the head. Most people are lazy, they don’t want to judge people case by case, they want an easy guide to start pointing fingers as quickly and easy as possible.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    My mom: “Is this your magazine, Michael?”

    Me: “No, ma, but I did spill Pepsi on it.”

    You’re telling me that would’ve worked?

  • Palpatine

    I’ve never read the second one. The first one on the other hand is a pretty good read. If they decided to make the movie follow the book, I doubt it would’ve worked.

  • Whiskey Jack

    You’re telling me I could have been using italics this whole time?! How??

  • VvdD

    No issues with that, but I do like Daniel Craig now though, let him finish his contract.

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    I’ve never read it (I only read books if they’re the comic kind), but now I’m curious: what’s the big difference?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • VvdD

    I actually think it’s detrimental to the thought behind it to change established characters race/gender. Like you guys can’t come up with your own cool characters so just change one of the male white ones into what you want.

    How about you create new exciting characters with a variety of races and genders and let them take the place of the bad/boring white male ones naturally?

  • Whiskey Jack

    I remember starting to read the second, getting really confused as to why Ian Malcolm was in the book, cause he died in the first one, and then spilling my soda. I think I read Congo after that, got tired of Crichton, and moved on to reading my brand new book, called A Game of Thrones. That turned out well. 🙂

  • Earth

    Really? I don’t think I’ve ever seen or spoken to a single SJW. On the other hand I have seen constant streams of people bitching about them.

  • Palpatine

    The plot’s mostly the same, but the characters are way different. In the book, Hammond is a complete greedy asshole who doesn’t care about his park. The two kids are different, Tim is the older one who is interested in both dinosaurs and computers, while Lex is the younger one and she is an annoying little tomboy who whines the whole book. And Grant, Malcolm and Sattler aren’t too much different.

  • The Ghost

    Agreed, but I do think the label of “SJW,” or any internet label for that matter, can be misused as a bit of a hasty handwave; an excuse to completely ignore what might be a valid argument. Being discerning in such situations is key.

    That said, I’m on Team Mike and Jay for this one. It’s hard for me to run a film entitled “Jurassic World” through the internet outrage machine.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s a made-up thing. Like all FAUX News things.

  • Whiskey Jack

    The lost world was written to tie-in with the movie, I think. But the first one has a lot of differences from the first movie. A lot of scenes in JP2 and JP3 are actually things from the first book. The girl getting attacked by compys in the opening of JP2 is in the first book, I think. The aviary pterodactyl scene in JP3 is in the first book, stuff like that. The characters actually get to see some dinos on their initial tour, while in the film nothing but the sick triceratops is seen until the T-Rex breaks loose.

  • Earth

    Admittedly, when I first heard the acronym, I thought it was some kind of awesome new drug like LSD.

    I was disappointed to hear it was just more nerdy 4chan junk.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The machine kinda runs itself. You don’t have to operate it.

  • VvdD

    haha, you are right, he’s a bit of a bitch. But I think the criticism was about Black widow being portrayed as flirtatious and they took that as she is a slut. Which I don’t get because that means these SJW would be slut-shaming? I mean a woman having sex with whomever she wants whenever she wants, that’s the sole idea behind empowerment no? I think that’s what is wrong with the current day SJW’s, most of them don’t know what they stand for anymore. All they know is that they need to be constantly offended at stuff.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Hammond is more of a crazy, greedy a-hole; the boy is the computer expert and the older sibling, while the girl is very little and basically a non-character in the book. There are 2 T-rexs, lots more raptors, and the island is firebombed at the end after nearly everyone dies. Typical Crichton, really.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Thanks!

  • Palpatine

    The biggest problem with the book is the overexplaining of everything. If you thought Stephen King overexplained things, Crichton did it worse.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, sex isn’t the sole idea behind agency.

    Call me old-fashioned.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Welcome.

  • VvdD

    Of course not. But that is not the only agency she displays. She just happens to display it here.

    With sole idea I meant the core concept of being able to do what you want with whomever and whenever. Whether it is sex or the kind of job you want.

  • Whiskey Jack

    He’s got 2 more movies, I think, counting the upcoming one. I believe Idris Elba was the black guy they wanted for bond, even before craig got picked. But could just be a rumor. Too old now, probably. Or will be once Craig is out of contract.

  • Earth

    I’m gonna be honest. I don’t like it. I preferred RedLetterMedia when it was just a website talking about movies and making fun of them or praising them. I preferred it when a video game reference would be nothing more than “it was like mass effect 3” and they’d leave it at that. I don’t like the fact that we now have to comment on internet shit and video game shit (even if it is still funny).

    This is clearly Rich and Jack’s influence, and personally, I don’t think it’s a positive thing.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think the point is to remove sex entirely from the kind of job you want. Whether by “sex” you mean gender or “blow job for the boss.”

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    Thanks guys.

  • bleurgh

    I think if they made the second one follow the book it would have worked better.

  • Earth

    In Britain, Idris Elba is the go-to black guy for everything. Black Doctor Who? Idris Elba. Black James Bond? Idris Elba. Black Bananaman? Idris Elba. Black Prime Minister? Ainsley Harriott.

  • Palpatine

    Um, yes?

  • bleurgh

    Yes

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yeah, I don’t get it either. She’s a female assassin, I’d expect she has to screw a lot of people in her line of work. And then kill them afterward. I mean, she’s called BLACK WIDOW, for fuck’s sake. What do they expect?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He wants you to grab the ball and throw it down field.

  • Sully

    My question is, how did the Jurassic Park dinosaurs survive in our present atmosphere?

  • Palpatine

    Hmm, a very good point.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’ve confused her with Praying Mantis. A DC character.

  • VvdD

    It’s basically part of her job. I mean everybody knows James Bond has to whore himself out all the time, where are the complaints there? 😉

  • VvdD

    I don’t mind old bond, I don’t mind Idris Elba. Make it happen Sony!

  • Sully

    Yeah, I read it ages ago. Nearly every action scene from the first 3 films is ripped from that first book. Good stuff. Much darker than the film.

  • VvdD

    Yeah, I know how you feel, the problem is just that he is really talented. He’s the black Benedict Cumberbatch.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Sucks that he’s gotten stuck with the worst Marvel movie role though. Way too good a guy to waste on Heimdall.

  • bleurgh

    I’ve encountered one of those insane assholes. Holy shit, everything is an opinion, it is the most redundant and least necessarry thing you can possibly say.

  • Whiskey Jack

    There’s a question though; has anyone actually read the second book? All the way through, that is? Is it just a scene-by-scene novelization of the movie? Does it ever explain why dead characters are suddenly not dead? Just curious.

  • The Ghost

    CONTROVERSYYYYYYYYY

    I would’ve posted a photo of Rich from the Sonic the Hedgehog Pre Rec if I could. But I can’t.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hey! No editing if it ruins my follow-up joke!

  • VvdD

    I agree, let entertainment be entertainment, not politics. I also think most movies should not try to have a message tacked on unless the movie is specifically about that. (Like a movie about apartheid obviously should have a message about racism)

    Unfortunately, that’s unlikely to happen because most creative people tend to have rather strong political views as well.

  • angercalm

    So Universal paid off the fat one, did it? Well, I am glad the weedy one with the scrubby beard stayed true to his principles, however ludicrous.

  • Whiskey Jack

    But, Rich and Jack weren’t even….oh, I see what you did there. Very sneaky.

  • Palpatine

    They have names you know.

  • VvdD

    I’d argue you aren’t really offending anyone when you use SJW, because the word is negative by itself. It’s like saying assholes are mean people, you can’t really offend anyone by saying that.

    There is people who bring up legit social issues, and then there are SJWs, those are 2 different things. (although sometimes admittely hard to discern.)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♪ Am I black or white? ♪
    ♫ Am I straight or gay? ♫
    ♪ Controversy. ♪
    ♫ Was it good for you? ♫
    ♪ Was I what you wanted me 2 be? ♪
    ♫ Controversy. ♫

  • angercalm

    Yeah, ‘Fat One’ and ‘Weedy One’.

  • VvdD

    You can still post a link, that’s what I do, cause I’m old and that’s all we had when I was younger!

  • Palpatine

    Really? And I was calling them Mike and Jay this whole time. Thanks!

  • angercalm

    Or Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist’.

  • The Ghost

    But that’s kind of where I think the term can be abused. I often see that a person might just be trying to have an honest and constructive discourse about sexism, and they’re labeled and “SJW” just for bringing up the topic of sexism at all.

  • tOmy`

    Let me tell you a little something about these two men. One’s a former federal officer, been in deep cover for five years. He knows every way you’re gonna come for him. The other one’s a professional criminal, escaped prison twice, spent half his life on the run avoiding folks like you.

  • VvdD

    I think there are extremist on every side. Some of the people bringing them up are talking about people who take social justice to a level where it gets silly. Which is possible.

    Others are indeed just bitching.

  • angercalm

    Now that’s a concept I can green light! But who to play the main parts? GET ME EVERY AVAILABLE RYAN!

  • VvdD

    Yeah well that is the internet for you. For every actual SJW, there are actual trolls, and actual racists. And caught up in the middle are bunch of moderate people just trying to make sense of it.

  • The Ghost

    Indeed. At least there’s this wonderful comments section; a tiny slice of rational thinking. Most of the time 🙂

  • VvdD

    Well this comments section sure beats the cesspits known as “youtube”.

  • Earth

    I would say he’s better than Cumberbund. I still wish they’d made a proper second series of Luther.

  • Earth

    I don’t mind political views in movies. When it’s not hitting you over the head it can be done really well (hell, even when it is hitting you over the head sometimes it can still be done really well). My problem is that I hate, with a passion, internet politics.

    I just don’t like RedLetterMedia being involved in that, at all (it’s why I’ve always appreciated jokes likes “well Jay, I guess we’ll have to talk about politics and religion instead”).

  • VvdD

    Or just don’t label anything, it’s a bad habit. Judge people by their actions and then their character.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Back a few years ago, I worked at a college up near KC. In my department, there was a young white guy who was very openly pro-KKK and he worked with an old black guy every night. They both got on great together; neither could stand young black people, for the same reasons, usually pertaining the low-hanging pants and the like. Was a lot of fun listening to the two of them carry on.

  • Palpatine

    And the other one is Rich Evans.

  • Earth

    and political sites
    and 4chan
    and reddit
    and tumblr
    and gamefaqs
    and ign
    and …

  • Whiskey Jack

    I seriously question Diesel’s ability to run anywhere, he’s nearly as big at the waist as I am. And he’s a bit taller, I think, so probably even heavier than my chubby self.

  • Earth

    I guess the issue there is that you’re saying that one thing is “normal” and the other is not.

  • VvdD

    I see what you mean. But internet politics is just a nastier dumbed down version of real world politics. The conversations are the same except everybody is an extremer, less reasonable and less polite version of themselves. Anonymity brings out the worst in most of us.

  • angercalm

    “So if we feed Rich after midnight what happens?”

    He doesn’t consume quite so much at his Pre-Breakfast.

  • Sully

    Just like the first ‘Jurassic Park’ book, ‘The Lost World’ is almost nothing like the movie.

  • Whiskey Jack

    So, to get back on the topic of the movie and review, does anyone else find Jay’s complaint about the control room a bit weird?

    I’ve worked in a small (300 bed) hospital, and we had a security control room nearly identical to the one in the JW. And two other control rooms for dealing with cold blue alarms, and ER. For a major park, the control room in JW (or JP’s for that matter) seems quite realistic.

  • Palpatine

    I’m surprised he didn’t complain about those dinosaur holograms in the visitor building. Now those felt out of place.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Worth reading, then? I enjoyed the first book, at least as a kid. Might even reread it, sometime. I think I have an audiobook of it somewhere around here….

  • Earth

    It’s all just infantile to me.

    Absolutely no one’s political opinions are ever changed by any one else’s arguments on the internet. So what is the damned point?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yeah, was a bit troubled by them myself. I guess JW takes place in a world with more advanced tech, then? DNA engineering is obviously more advanced, but I can’t see any story-related reason for more advanced holographic tech. Not as annoying as the holograms in the show Bones, though.

  • Whiskey Jack

    On the plus side, though, every time there is some sort of controversy on the internet, I get to listen to my local CBS news anchors try to talk about twitter and the internet, as if they actually know what the hell they’re talking about. Always good for a laugh.

  • VvdD

    I don’t know man, I’ve gotten more moderate over the years. Although I can’t say it’s specifically because of one person sharing their political views, I do think a lot of them gave me the opportunity to establish mine.

    I would say, the first step is to not take it all so personally and serious, then just assume people are just trying to communicate, even when they are being assholes.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Why, just the other day they tried to get me to tweet them at #twitter.

  • Earth

    Yeah, I do feel sorry for a lot of the old guard who have to put up with a lot of this nonsense.

    I still remember a lot of TV presenters and commentators being baffled by Tweeting and Facebook likes.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yep

  • VvdD

    Lol just like my news channels sharing a meme about 6 months after it trended. Cracks me up.

  • Earth

    Nah, the first step is to read a real book on political theory, rather than some idiot’s opinion online, then never engage with anyone on the internet over politics. Ever.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Or showing what is obviously a youtube video they stole, as if it was something they filmed. They seem to have no idea how terrible a 480pixel clip looks on a HD screen.

  • VvdD

    Books really aren’t anything but just one guys opinion. And no one person knows everything.

    And I am not even mentioning there a lot of books with opposing political views.

    Don’t underestimate your own mind, plus most political books are outdated by the time you read them, politics are dynamic and therefor tend to be subjective too, which is why we’ve never settled on just one ideology.

  • VvdD

    Frantically trying to hide that Break watermark by cutting off half the video ;).

  • Palpatine

    The Halloween reboot should stop following the Michael Myers storyline, and instead should be a sequel to Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Right, who’s with me?

  • bleurgh

    “It didn’t fee as cynical, stupid or forced as a Michael Bay movie” – Mike Stoklasa

    Pull-quote of the year

  • Like Icare

    I may have but I really can’t remember. I know I read “Sphere”…

    Then again if I have read it, it was probably translated.
    And thus probably completely mangled as those were the days of really bad translations.

  • Sully

    Yeah, I hated the reboot sooo fucking much. Way to shit on the source material, Robert Zombesky!

  • Like Icare

    It’s no different than “Now back to 9/11”.

  • Sully

    It was equal to the first in my opinion. Def worth a read.

  • Earth

    The difference is those books about “one guy’s opinion” will have slightly more merit and thought to them than “Steve down at the pub told me the immigrants are coming to rape our sheep”. I’d rather read books of several different political opinions (which I have) than hear the political rantings of undersexed assholes online (which I also have).

  • VvdD

    Holograms are pretty close to being a reality, as long as we are all wearing designated glasses.

  • Palpatine

    Do you like Halloween III? I think it’s an underrated classic.

  • Daggoth

    Wait. I thought you guys already had a time machine?

    Frankly it doesn’t surprise me that Mike and Jay eventually had to cover the whole politically correct outrage going on in the media these days. A basic search of just about any popular movie will yield yard-length collegial social critiques of the intersectional feminist political dimension of Paul Blart Mall Cop: Zookeeper 2 because Paul Blart isn’t a trans-gender trans-racial blind disabled midget.

    Oh, and SJW’s think the new DOOM game is too violent and scawwwy. There you go.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’ve only seen Halloween 1 and 4, I think. Is 3 the one with the cursed masks?

  • Palpatine

    It is. And it’s freaking amazing!

  • Sully

    I am the Les Nessman of Middle Earth.

    Pound Sign: OutOfContextQuoteOfTheDay

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’ve either seen it, then, or I’m misremembering an episode of Buffy. I’ll have to look it up to see which.

  • Earth

    Wait. When did Doom and violence and horror become an SJW issue?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Yeah, and besides, Brutal Doom is the violent one. Best Doom, actually.

  • Palpatine

    I’m sure they’d be okay if the new DOOM game was about a free-spirited young feminine going around some labyrinth killing a bunch of fat, loud, obnoxious, sexist men.

  • Earth

    To be honest, I’d play that over another Doom 3 (note: have not seen new Doom 4 footage yet).

  • Daggoth

    I believe they prefer to be called “Mancubi” now

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’d play that, but only if the fat men have gatling guns for arms. And the feminist has a castration-themed set of weapons. Ooh, and Berserk mode could be retitled PMS mode….

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Did you know that the word “like” is used around 100 times in this video.

    Watch it again and count…

    Now you’ll hear it whenever it is said in all future videos. You’re welcome.

  • Daggoth

    To tell you the truth it looks almost exactly like Halo 5. At least idtech4 looked different than anything else at the time I’ll give them props for that. Oh, and they released the Doom 3 source code. No luck with that now these days.

  • VvdD

    They might have more merit, and some don’t. Mein Kampf is a political book as is the SCUM manifesto, and I don’t think either has a lot of merit though. Same with the opinion of people on the internet, or people you meet in the pub. Some are lunatics others can actually be insightful.

    You really think all smart people end up in a position where they write a book about their findings in life? Not even 1% of them I gather. So what’s to stop you from running into someone with more insight than you? Or do you think you automatically have more insight than others, even if it is their personal perspective, just because you have read books?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Screw Doom, I want a new Redneck Rampage game. With bigger tit cannons. 😀

  • Earth

    I’m so confused about what SJW’s even are right now. Ok, Social Justice Warrior. So like, someone who fights for social justice? Ok, got it. But everyone hates them for some reason. They’re annoying I guess? Either that or everyone on the internet is just an asshole, which I know for a fact is true. So a mix of both maybe? So they fight for social justice, which is apparently a bad thing. Or something.

    Oh fuck this. This is RedLetterMedia. I don’t come here to hear dumb internet bullshit.

    Now, back to 9/11…

  • Sully

    It’s in my Halloween collection, if that’s what you mean.

    I remember that movie threw me the first time I saw it (probably early 90s). I liked it, but it felt weird that it wasn’t a continuation of the Michael Myers story. Later I learned what Carpenter was trying to do, and it increased my appreciation of it that much more.

    I like the idea of an annual anthology of Halloween themed films. Trick ‘R Treat falls into that a bit, and feels like a movie that Carpenter might’ve added to that idea if the studios would’ve allowed it.

  • Palpatine

    The reason why people don’t like SJW’s is because the causes they’re “fighting” for don’t exist in first world countries like the United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, South Korea, pretty much every country in Europe, and some countries in South America and Asia.

  • Daggoth

    There is also speculation over whether or not they actually believe in what they fight for, since outrage can be monetized nowadays in the form of click-bait.

  • Earth

    Your point I can understand being annoying.

  • Earth

    what causes?

  • Palpatine

    Better treatment of minorities, homosexuals, and especially woman.

  • Domo

    I think I figured out time travel. I think you’re supposed to take your wall clock and bash it into your Nintendo 64 console.

    You gain five minutes of your life back each time a piece of plastic flies off. You gain ten minutes if a piece of plastic randomly impales somebody in the process.

  • Whiskey Jack

    But not cissexuals, they’re scum, apparently. Whatever they are. 😉

  • Earth

    Because none of these groups are discriminated against. Ever.

  • Daggoth

    I’m rightfully taking cis- and trans- back were they belong: organic chemistry.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Does anyone still play Halo games? I vaguely recall playing through the third one in about 4 hours, way back when. Played the first one a lot. I can’t really remember if their was a 4th or not. I guess there was, since they’re working on a 5th.

  • Earth

    So as usual, everyone acts like Tumblr and dumb whining teenagers are the only voices of modern identity politics. Great.

  • Palpatine

    Exactly. None of the groups I listed are discriminated in the nearly all the countries I listed. Sure homosexuals are discriminated against in Eastern European countries that were once part of the Soviet Union, but other than that, they’re treated pretty fairly. They never bring up Muslim countries because they’re afraid of how the Muslim’s might react, and those are the countries they should be standing up to.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Best of luck to you; I’m tired of all these random prefixes ruining an already overly-complicated language. Good riddance, says I.

  • Whiskey Jack

    It’s easy, and safe, to protest in the West, even if the protest doesn’t make much sense in that contest. Try protesting the treatment of (Insert minority group here) inside any random Muslim country, and the SJW’s would be beheaded.

  • Daggoth

    Yeah I played the first one lots as well. The second one was fun and pretty hyped up if you were already interested (excellent multiplayer as I recall); even though the ending was irritating as hell. Third one was good for a couple of playthroughs. Fourth I played once and was kinda forgettable. Then to round out the story I played Halo: Reach once just to get the whole story in. There are wayyy more Halo games out there but frankly they read like money grabs to me — they’ve been squeezing the franchise like a lemon for 14 years now.

  • Earth

    I guess that clears everything up then. All clear everyone. Palpy says misogyny, homophobia, misandry, transphobia don’t exist in most modern countries so we can all stop campaigning and just carry on as things are.

    Sigh, I knew political views like these were bound to come up eventually.

  • Sully

    I’ve been assured by my government that that doesn’t work.

  • Palpatine

    Those problems do exist in First World countries, but the only difference is that we’re not stoning someone death for being gay or publicly beating woman for not covering their whole body.

  • Like Icare

    How did they miss the point that little Timmy is dressed as a tiny copy of Sam Neil?
    Thus the neck scarf.

    Sam Neil is like… Neil deGrasse Tyson of the paleontology or something and the kid is a little fanboi.

    On an almost somewhat completely unrelated topic… before I go to bed I’d like to share a memory.

    Before being eaten by raptors, Bob Peck was in the original TV series version of the Edge of Darkness. The one without Mel Gibson.
    There’s a scene early on in the first episode, where, after seeing his only daughter gunned down in front of him and having her die in his arms, his character, ravaged by grief goes through his daughter’s room, still clutching to a shotgun.
    He plays her records, goes through her drawers, finds her vibrator and does what any father finding his recently murdered daughter’s sex toy would do – he kisses it.

    There used to be a clip of that particular scene on youtube.
    First comment was, naturally, “Clever girl.”

    BTW, regarding the earlier mention of Gandhi… He was in this movie too.
    Along with Luke Skywalker, Hudson, Muldoon, that guy who killed Moe Zart and Hagrid Dmitrovich Zukovsky.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX6r9zXVOk8

  • Whiskey Jack

    There actually are holograms, or something very similar in effect, that work much like those shown in the movie. Except, they work by superheating tiny points of air to a plasma state, until the air glows. If you put your hand through them, you’d be severely burned. Still, they do exist, have for a few years now.

    Edit: Maybe they’ve improved the tech since I last read about it: http://www.bitrebels.com/technology/real-hologram-mid-air-projection/

  • Domo

    Man, the things the government wastes taxpayer money on.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Sort of off topic, but whatever: Just in case you’re still hungry for more Jurassic Park discussions, the Weekly Planet Pod guys made a commentary track for JP a little while ago as well. https://weeklyplanetpod.bandcamp.com/

  • Whiskey Jack

    That seems a bit much, 😉 I don’t recall the Mel Gibson film. Is that the one where he’s trying to get his money back, or the one with the nuclear radiation subplot with that one guy from Crystal Skull as a hitman?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    No TARDID required!

  • Like Icare

    Kisssexuals are what Butch (Bruce Willis) and Fabienne (Maria de Medeiros) are in Pulp Fiction.
    When they’re about to have sex they agree upon giving each other “oral pleasure” and “kissing it”.
    I.e. They are having sex while kissing each other’s sexual organs.
    Which makes them kisssexuals. Not sure about the spelling though.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Was the world hungry for another JP movie or did one of the producers want a new boat?

  • Daggoth

    I think the operative thing to remember is that our western society is already super self-aware on social justice issues. Other countries are not and are far, far worse. One is never going to be able to completely rid our society of “othering” thoughts and perceptions, without first attempting to apply pressure to halt those perceptions before people can act on them. This is just another form of control through social order, hence: “Social Justice Warrior”

  • Whiskey Jack

    Ah, good then. I’ll probably reread the first, then check out the second. Have to buy a new copy, though.

  • Whiskey Jack

    While I’m sure buying boats was the primary initial motivation, the 208 million opening weekend says both are likely true.

  • Like Icare

    The nuclear thing is the main plot actually.

    BBC miniseries is far superior.
    Partly due to Joe Don Baker who is just crazy enough – until he goes completely crazy.
    The end is a bit more WTF though as it goes into cymbalizm with the last scene.

  • Palpatine

    I’m sure the world would be hungry for a new JP movie after the masterpiece that was Jurassic Park III.

  • Like Icare

    Nostalgia ain’t just a perfume in an Alam Noore comic.
    It’s a powerful incentive to take your nine-year-olds to see the shit you saw when you were a nine-year-old.

  • Like Icare

    Not even Guardians of the Galaxy?

    Well I guess some people are just not Star Lord material…

  • bleurgh

    Used to work at Wet and Wild in Australia, control room was massive. 100 cameras at least in that place.

  • Like Icare

    Mindless gangster movie?
    Those are dinos not Dinos… oh… wait… I misread that. I’m sleepy.

  • bleurgh

    Yes. This. If I want to understand a political issue I’ll read a book about it, written by an actual political commentator, not go to the internet or listen to some fuckwit celebrity on a talk show.

  • Malevolence

    I agree with Jay,… the characters are 1-dimensional and personally I felt it was just a dumb loud action film and no clue why it exploded so largely as it did. Just like I don’t understand why the ever so linear “Guardians of the Galaxy” movie exploded. Maybe I just hate Chris Pratt. I don’t know, could be that simple. If you put Seth Rogan on a treadmill for a year you get Chris Pratt

  • bleurgh

    That’s why we have a peer-review process, fact-checking and citations, nothing is more ‘just some guys opinion’ than what you read online.

  • Palpatine

    So speaking of stuff, The Land Before Time XIV is coming out later this year. Why? Because fuck you.

  • bleurgh

    The problem with what you’re describing is that it does not translate to the online world. In life you can make an accurate assessment of a persons grasp on a subject by weighing up their accomplishments. Online you could literally be interacting with anyone. The best advice I was ever given was ‘be careful who you take your advice from, don’t listen to anyone who doesn’t have something you want’. In other words don’t let someone who does not have a healthy realtionship give you relationship advice, or someone who does not run a successful business business advice etc. The caveat I would add to that is that even then you need to take their advice with a grain of salt, because they may not want to help you and may actually be trying to fuck you over.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’m pretty sure if you put Seth Rogan on a treadmill for a year, you’d just get a dead Seth Rogan.

  • bleurgh

    Funny story, when I was 3 or 4 years old I had watched at least two of the Land Before Time series. I think my mother or sister had rented them for me. Then they went on vacation and left me in the care of my older brother. He decided the best way to keep me occupied was to get me to watch movies and ask me which one I wanted to watch, so of course I said ‘the dinosaur movie’ and he figured out that we didn’t own it and went to the video store. As you can probably guess, when we got home and put it on, it was not The Land Before Time, but Jurassic Park, which of course starts with a guy getting mauled to death by a T-Rex. Fucking dumbass.

  • Sully

    I’ve only ever seen the first one. It was depressing enough.

  • Palpatine

    Ha ha ha ha, what a story Mark!

  • Whiskey Jack

    I remember asking my mom to pick up Jurassic Park at the local grocery story (they used to have a whole aisle for renting vhs tapes, now it’s just a bread aisle) and she grabbed Carnosaur instead. And of course, I’d invited like half the guys in my class over to watch JP. Worst day of my young life.

  • Some random asshole

    Would love to hear Raiders of the Lost ark, Road Warrior or Evil Dead films.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Wasn’t there a TLBT cartoon series, like way back in the early nineties? I vaguely recall a cartoon brontosaurus getting stuck in a bog, because it looked like solid land until he walked on, and then a cartoon pterodactyl had to lift him out of it, or something. Really old memory.

    Edit: Hmm…. might have been a ducktales episode, now that I think about it. Were there every dinos on Ducktales?

  • Palpatine

    There was a cartoon series that aired in the mid-2000’s.

  • Machiavelli StAlbert

    Well, this is my first time commenting, though I’m a long time viewer. This movie was crap. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I loved the first Jurassic Park, and tolerated the two sequels. At least the first 2 sequels had semi-plausible stories. Militarizing dinosaurs? How could anyone find that to be a sensible idea in a world with nuclear weapons and drone technology? Chris Pratt’s character was a total rip-off hybrid of Han Solo & Indiana Jones, the “main character with no kids learns to bond with them” idea was a rip-off of the original Jurassic Park. Creating a new hybrid dinosaur that was clearly a mix of T-Rex and “velociraptor” (aka Deinonychus) was just the writer thinking “Well the people love T-Rex, and the they love velociraptor. Hmm, I KNOW. How about a VELOCI-T-REX?!” Also, anyone who knows anything about reptilian brains would know that “imprinting” is not something that makes the animals loyal to you. It just means that they won’t try to have sex with you. Anywho, I drank too much. Going to bed now.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Seconded, those would be great. Plus I wouldn’t have to pirate buy the films, since I already own them.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I think I figured it out; sounds like a show called Dink the Dinosaur, from ’89.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Fun fact: I was left hungry for more Outbreak.

  • RLMkeepitup

    militarized raptors seemed to do some damage. can’t always nuke everything. why wouldn’t mixing raptor and rex be interesting/new from marketing point of view? the raptors being that loyal was silly in only a couple scenes and not nearly as bad as that raptor whistle in JP III. at least its a step in the right direction?

  • Sully

    To be fair, the U.S. government has a long proud history of militarizing nature’s cute and cuddlies (dolphins, dogs, glow worms, etc.)

  • Peon

    Get a room you two…..er, four.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Looking back on it, I feel that JW could have done a better job setting up that the dinos are being utilized for purposes other than just entertainment. Like, maybe triceratops dung is very high in phosphates, so the park sells it to Costa Rican farmers a cheap fertilizer. Or maybe apatosaurus are being used to produce huge amounts of cheap antivenin in the same way we currently use horses.

    Stuff like that would flesh out that there is an already well-founded side-industry in the JW universe, wherein companies and governments are busily working to find alternative uses for the dinos. That would make the military plotline a bit easier to swallow, I think, at least from a narrative standpoint. Though I still think that whole part of the plot could be easily edited out of the film entirely.

  • maddog

    that poor N64… rest well old friend.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Put the raptors in ballistic vests, like we do police and military dogs, set them up to roam free within a GPS defined perimeter, and they’d work fairly effectively as a living area denial system. If you can breed, and train them cheaply enough, they might actually be more effective than a minefield. Just call them back into their pens when the fighting is over, and your military moves out.

  • Malevolence

    I cringed when Mike started pounding on the N64 :/

  • Sully

    Also effective in clearing out areas with dense terrain.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’m sure it’s fine, those things were built like tanks. I used mine as a doorstop for years in my dorm, and it still works. The controller on the other hand….

  • Palpatine

    He smashed that console like that one video game reviewer. What’s his name again?

  • Malevolence

    Angry Video Game Nerd… but don’t think he ever actually smashed a system, just games

  • Malevolence

    You’ll have plenty of time going on vacation Rich and Jack, when you’re “LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!”

  • Palpatine

    No, not him. Oh yeah, the Irate Gamer! Everyone loves him!

  • Palpatine

    Meanwhile Mike and Jay live in a giant mansion with all the PBR they can drink.

  • Malevolence

    Wonder who has more charisma… him or Paul Blart

  • Malevolence

    Isn’t their mansion on top of a mountain?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Actually, I rather think a lot of the dinos have useful attributes, though not all of a purely martial nature. Triceratops could probably pull equipment through mountainous terrain, or knock over trees, be cheaper than a tracked vehicle too, since you can just breed them. Could cross streams and swampy ground more easily than modern main battle tanks as well.

  • Palpatine

    And Plinkett’s freezing to death in it.

  • Malevolence

    Plinkett is like Wolverine… he just regenerates

  • Palpatine

    Wolverine regenerates?

  • Malevolence

    Wonder who would win, Wolverine or Plinkett with a can of raid and roofied pizza rolls

  • Snake Squeezer

    I have to admit. Mike’s opinions are starting befuddle me.

  • Palpatine

    Plinkett, duh.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    There are very few things in common between The Lost World (novel) and The Lost World: Jurassic Park (movie).

    Ian Malcolm is the protagonist.

    Sarah Harding is his girlfriend.

    Site B.

    T-rexes push a trailer lab off a cliff.

    There’s an action scene in an abandoned gas station (much larger in scale in the novel, with chamaleon-like dinosaurs).

    There’s another team in the island, but they are not hunters sent by InGen, instead, they are Dogson’s people.

    That’s about it.

  • HollywoodIsDead

    Can’t remember the last time I saw Mike looking so happy. Glad he finally saw a movie he enjoyed.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Nah, Wolverine would slaughter Plinkett.

    Only then it would turn out that Plinkett was actually just a visiting retired politician wearing a tracksuit, and the real Plinkett was stuck inside a local adult theater the whole time.

  • Malevolence

    Tournament Fighter- Space Cop, Future Future Mike and Jay, Mr. Plinkett, Nadine w/ katana, Rich w/ fire extinguisher, Dismembered Mailman, Jack w/ Shang Tsung impressionist powers, Showbiz Pizza Bear, and Backdoor Mayor

  • Malevolence

    Evil Dead Plinkett would just come back from the depths of hell and drag his soul to damnation… can’t beat Plinkett

  • Warlord X

    Good God Jay was annoying as shit in the commentary. I get these guys are old but I don’t need a reminder every five seconds about how we’re living in an age of cinematic depravity. Jurassic World was awesome save Chris Pratt

  • Stephen Fischer

    The “extra who grabs his drink and runs away” is actually Jimmy Buffet.

  • Whiskey Jack

    That’s one of the things that always bothered me about JP2, and even in JW; namely, that InGen are made into the bad guys, when the first film clearly showed that there are already evil rival corporations to InGen. Dogson’s company is the ultimate reason the park fell apart in JP, as he was paying Nedry to steal the embryos, and that led to the parks downfall. Why turn InGen into villains, when you’ve already established a villain?

    In JW, especially, it would make more since for a rival corporation to be trying to crowd into the park, people who wouldn’t really care if they ruin everything, as InGen will ultimately be footing the bill for the chaos afterward.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Whiskey Jack

    Well that doesn’t make any sense. What’s he doing on the island? It’s Jurassic World, not Geriatric Park.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ll7YzrGbM4

  • Palpatine

    There’s a Margaritavile in the park.

  • Peon

    Stupid park owners……why didn’t they just call in the Avengers? Just have them save the day? I mean, why not?

  • Palpatine

    Because movie logic, that’s why.

  • Peon

    I’d play that shit.

  • Peon

    And I cringed when Jack started pounding on Rich’s……nevermind.

  • Malevolence

    Then I shall makes Z’it!

  • Peon

    Wow, really? A whole movie where the dinos talk, and don’t eat people? Will the Whogivesafukasaurus be in it? Can I just give them my money now?

  • Palpatine

    Not only do they talk, they sing too!

  • Peon

    If at least one lawyer gets eaten, I’ll be on my way to see this biatch!!!

  • Malevolence

    *Chris Pratt attempts to tame Raptor* *Raptors look at eachother* *Chris Pratt’s eyes widen* *They eat Chris Pratt* -cue classic Jurassic Park theme music

  • Whiskey Jack

    Well, I suppose that proves… They’re really not all bad

  • Palpatine

    Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark, all the dinosaurs are running wild.

  • WarBoychun24

    Have not ranted over the web since Prometheus & ST:Into Darkness drew out my aggro side for movies. As I hope every movie I see shoots for greatness and/or noble failures in trying to be great…I didn’t have high expectations, but the level of “Let this pass because Dinosaurs! Nostalgia!” has me irked about JWorld the more I think about it. Because I do love the first ’93 movie, and this 4th entry should not get a pass like a Bayformer flick doesn’t…

    – Spoilers Below –

    “Noooooo!” (in my Darth Vader voice) Holy crap Mike is giving this a full thumbs up, did he watch it… and say he LOVED it? 100% disagree with Mike here on nearly everything. Gareth Edwards’ Godzilla captured Jaws/Jurassic Park ’93 Spielbergian “awe & wonder” with intensity/suspense TEN times over Trevorrow’s obviously ghost directed by The Berg & Tull & Universal lame cash grab action effort. Which is just like the much hated JP3 was in execution. Nostalgic “fanservicey” easter eggs do not equal “story”, cartoons acting like humans do not equal “character”.

    Again Mike, this movie was one random f-bomb and one 360 degree sunset lit camera shot of Dallas Howard’s butt away from being a Bayformer flick with the level of non-sensical Bay level stupidity on display. Mike must have been body snatched by a pod person as I expected a full on Prometheus, ST:Into Dumbness level of a review for JWorld. Because this movie has so much ammo in spades to MST3K riff it…and bullshit JWorld was more “fun” than Fury Road lol

    Friggin’ A right Jay is 100% SPOT ON with every point he made! Hallelujah amd all hail Jay Bauman! The first thing the movie does is contradict everything it’s setting up. The dialogue and acting was bad, and Trevorrow somehow managed to make Chris Pratt boring. Could you imagine how much more fun this movie would have been with a Parks & Rec version of Pratt? He’s like an everyman vessel for the audience as one of the park’s dino-attraction ride operators. Maybe he was a demoted middle management type, or a bureaucrat like Wikas from District9 or something, that gets swept up in the dino-mayhem. With Inarrattu one-shot “Birdman” style all through the park. Saves some kids, gets the girl, jokes with Jake Johnson as a buddy and is actually relatable with comedy beats etc etc…so many missed efforts here with JWorld due to this shit script… ugh. Speaking of Jake Johnson. He and his co-worker are in a completely different movie, every intended comedic bit of his fell flat to me.

    Jay is 100% right again – the park being open was what was being sold, along with returning to “The awe & wonder & adventure.”, but Trevorrow & his suit cronies at Universal COMPLETELY missed that for this C level “B Monster Movie”. The park is essentially absent from the movie until the Dino Bird attack, then the way mean spirited, narrative nonsensical Nanny kill. As most of this flick takes place in the Raptor pen, Plotasaurus Rex pen and the woods. That’s it.

    This theme park set-up is the one thing it didn’t do. Jurassic Park left the door open for the most obvious, logical, easiest, and super fun thing you could do with a direct sequel, and they blew it. You finally got Hammond’s vision out there. The park is open, now run wild with it. You have a perfect canvas for disaster city. This was a freebie. Hell, you can just remake Jaws 3 with dinos and call it a day.

    But noooooooooooo……….

    Tonally off and all over the place – is it a satire/comedy/action comedy/horror? – we don’t care! Just follow our Plotasausrus Rex as Bose, Mercedes, Verizon and Starbucks adverts grace the screen. Structurally it’s a mess. So much of this movies “script versus what we see” dumbness is at war with itself, first example starts early about 8 minutes in…

    #1 A- Dallas Howard tells the new billionaire owner that park attendance is down…

    “We need a new attraction – more teeth, bigger, faster.”

    …The next shot after this is a full on, UniversalStudiosCitiwalk (I live near there) Saturday afternoon packed to the brim with attendees. Cut to crowded groups watching the T-Rex eat lunch (from JP ’93 no less what happened to the Lysine failsafe?). Then the shot pans to another packed and crowded dino petting zoo for kids (probably the only thing I truly did love in the flick, but it was so fleeting). After this we get another shot of a fully crowded “Oooo and Ahhh!” packed Mosasaur aqua-stadium of cheering and happy guests. Umm okay? Park attendance looks more than fine to me.

    #1 B- Dallas Howard is offended Jake Johnson is wearing a Jurassic Park
    T-shirt & she considers it tasteless because people died there in ’93. Jurassic World logo is the same damn thing only with one different word & a color change.

    #1 C- John Williams’ score was misplaced constantly. This movie was so poorly put together you can tell it was “pre-vized & action set-pieced” before a word a script was put to paper.

    #2- They create Plotasaurus Rex, who isn’t even an attraction for godsakes! She’s miles and miles and miles away, locked up in a pen where only Howard, The Billionaire, and Pratt can stare at it and spout hokey dialogue, that again, goes against character actions vs. what we see.

    #3- Plotasaurus Rex conveniently gains more and more “powers”. No joke it’s hilarious how many magical ability revelations are peppered throughout the movie for the Franken Rex, that had me laughing for the wrong reasons. As the movies shitty script needs it to clumsily move along and high fives for the months & months of 2nd Unit/CG artists worked on action set-pieces.

    #3- Howard’s high heels, random matches, and 1993 Jeep batteries…or just batteries period.

    #4- A tonally off death scene that was weird/brutal from start to finish BUT says a lot about the movies missteps as a whole – want to know more? http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2015/06/15/the-strangely-cruel-and-unusual-death-in-jurassic-world

    #5-Divorced parents and Military Must Make Weapon cliche’s seen a million times over…yawn.

    #6-There are satire themes in the dialogue that the park experience is tacky & corporate, yet Trevorrow chose to have Williams’ JP ’93 main theme play over sweeping shots of the park. The fully crowded and gleeful kids riding baby dinos “poor attendance” park.

    #7-The older brother is longing for his girlfriend as the movie starts and on his cell, then he ogles at girls as the movie rolls on for comedic flatness, like a creeper asshole…so what is he Trevorrow, a lovelorn teen with a heart of gold or a realistic horny guy?

    #8- Vincent D’nofrio just went full ham, I don’t blame him, he had nothing to work with. With lines like “Our Drones can’t go where your Raptors can.”

    9#- All of the supposed surprises that the $507 million mouth breathers were “word of mouthing” over the web as “amazing” you can see coming from a predictable mile away – even the Samuel L. Jackson Deep Blue Sea ending.

    10#- While typing this I just realized that, aside from the two boys, the masses of park
    visitors don’t even see the Franken Rex that Howard & Billionaire & Pratt & Dr Wu all waxed poetic about. They don’t get to be scared of it. They don’t even know it’s a thing. Gahhhh FUCK THIS MOVIE Jay! Please Plinkett this muthafucka A.S.A.P lol

    …go see the fantastic Fury Road & Care Boars again ya hack frauds.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Halo used to be my go-to multiplayer game and favorite FPS until the new guys ruined everything that is Halo with Halo 4. No interest in following the series anymore, whatsoever. I still play the old games from time to time.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I’m afraid those things’ll harm me, ’cause they sure don’t act like Barney

  • Malevolence

    They would if you were Chris Pratt

  • Palpatine

    Weird Al should’ve made a new cover for the new movie.

  • Stephen Fischer

    And it was filmed at the old Six Flags in New Orleans that was destroyed in Katrina. A lot of stuff is shot there now.

  • WarBoychun24

    lol

  • Palpatine

    They haven’t fixed that place up? I guess George Bush really doesn’t care about black people.

  • Malevolence

    When will they make a movie where Dinosaurs go to a theme park to watch us? Then we escape and start wreaking havoc!

  • IRONMANAustralia

    I’m totally with Jay on this – you shouldn’t have backed down to Mike man, this movie was a total pile of steaming triceratops shit. I HATED this movie. HATED HATED HATED with a PASSION !!!

    The dialogue was fucking atrocious. I’d rather listen to Anakin Skywalker talk about the sand in his vagina than listen to anyone talk about anything in this film. Romantic dialogue, technical dialogue, military dialogue – it all fossilised cliché garbage of the worst kind.

    When that lead-fart joke happens where the hipster faggot stands up and “heroically” announces he’s staying – that delivery was indistinguishable from anyone else’s actual serious lines in the movie. It was like an in-film self-parody where the joke is that everyone involved in the production failed to see the irony.

    Seriously, if they cut the part where the chick says she has a boyfriend, nobody would have noticed – and none of you fucks try to pretend otherwise. You were all sitting there like I was thinking:

    “Fuck that’s a bad line delivery, and he’s standing there like he’s waiting for an academy award?”

    “Oh, she has a boyfriend. It’s a joke. Comic relief. Jokes on him. Now I get it.”

    “Wait a minute … that wasn’t even funny … Let me out of here … ”

    Nothing anyone does makes any fucking sense, not even according to monster movie logic. It’s an insult to your intelligence from beginning to end, even if you dial your suspension of disbelief up to 11.

    My brain is already desperately in the process of erasing this crap from short-term memory, but the moment I remember most is the “moment” they have when the pterodactyls are attacking. They are still flying around in the background grabbing people and the crowds are running and screaming, and these idiots are standing out in the open talking – complete with sappy music playing over the top of said screaming. What in the fucking Holy Christ of all fuck? It would be comical if it wasn’t so stupid.

    Then the ending … let’s release the T-Rex and after it’s done killing the Mutant..o..saur … everything will be fine and it will just walk off into the sunset? Is that the logic?

    Worse yet, it actually does! Wat?!

    Go fuck yourself Spielberg. I mean seriously, take your billion dollars you make from this movie and buy a big Jurassic-size bag of dicks, and eat them.

  • Malevolence

    Jay felt another Prometheus review coming along and backed down… but this time he was right, in my opinion of course. Even in Prometheus he was “partly” right

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Would it have super gory fatalities?

  • Stephen Fischer

    Nobody wants it except the film industry. Something is being filmed there every week and in between it’s a storage lot for the other 15 movies constantly being filmed here now.

  • Palpatine

    Can I film a porno there?

  • Stephen Fischer

    I think they were doing that when it was still a Six Flags. This is New Orleans after all.

  • Malevolence

    For a while I thought New Orleans only had Mardi Gras and crime

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Actually, I think it looks more akin to the older Halo games. If you play one of the Flood levels, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Ever since Halo 4, the series turned from a lived in, semi-believable, gritty, scifi world, into sterile Power Ranger, fantasy bullshit.

  • Malevolence

    Showbiz Pizza Bears saws your thumbs off till you bleed to death… and Fuck Bot fucks you to death….. and then keeps fucking you

  • Palpatine

    For those of you who didn’t like Jurassic World, how would’ve made the film? And I don’t mean that in a negative way.

  • Malevolence

    I would have casted actors

  • Palpatine

    I mean story-wise. Would you do the same thing as this film, or a completely original story?

  • Malevolence

    Probably would have done the same thing as this story but casted somebody besides Chris Pratt…. he made the Raptor taming scene comical where as a better actor would have made it believable…. it’s like Shia Labeouf tarzanning around with monkeys

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You’re telling me I could have been using bolds this whole time?! How??

  • Malevolence

    Also I would have cut out all the hard dicking dialogue he had with his ex

  • Palpatine

    Same here. But I would’ve cut that whole militarized dinosaur sub-plot, the raptor training, that divorce sub-plot that went nowhere, and, get ready for this, I would’ve cut the Indominus Rex.

  • Malevolence

    I agree with the divorce subplot….. suppose I just hate sappy dialogue in action movies…. and juvenile innuendos…. I like schlocky action, as stupid as it was, wasn’t anymore stupid than genetically enhanced apes and a battle on top of a tower between a good and bad one

  • Palpatine

    I would have the film be about a group of radical environmentalists who try to free the dinosaurs but end up causing chaos on the island instead.

  • IRONMANAustralia

    Fighting dinosaurs with gymnastics actually seems like a step up from anything I saw in this film.

    Since we only have one big gun on the entire island an it crashed in the helicopter … or something … the ONLY option we have left is to take the pack of trained raptors to fight it – even though everyone already knows they’ll get the shit kicked out of them just based on relative size – which they do.

    When they get there they shoot at it will guns and someone uses explosives. Why bring the raptors at all again?

    So when the totally unnecessary raptors they risked bringing along turn on them, I’m actually itching for these fucking idiots to die. They’re a embarrassment to our entire species.

    You couldn’t lure the dinosaur into pit full of spikes and/or gasoline or some kind of trap? You know, the kind of thinking that gives human beings the ability to dominate this planet in the first place? The dinosaurs are the ones who are supposed to have brains the size of a walnut.

    Maybe those Jurassic Park sequels and all the fucking Transformers movies have permanently damaged human intelligence.

  • Malevolence

    Sounds like 28 Days Later with Dinosaurs

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Hell, I’m still baffled by Tweeting and Facebook lies*. Especially by Tweeting.

    *Funny, I typed “lies” instead of “likes” by accident. Must be my subconscious.

  • Palpatine

    Did that film have radical environmentalists in it as well?

  • Malevolence

    At the very beginning. They released a monkey which had the Rage virus. Which led to the outbreak on the island

  • WrongWithYourFace

    The white woman needs to be tarred to become black! Hue hue hue.

  • Jeff

    Those that didn’t like Jurassic World couldn’t have made a better film. They would be too busy trying to remove the massive sticks up their butts.

  • instant relief

    My boyhood took twelve years to ruin.

  • Jeff

    so, like every part of the movie then?

  • Jeff

    like in lost world? no thanks.

  • Jeff

    see a doctor about that stick up your butt mr. boring.

  • Palpatine

    I think The Lost World is underrated.

  • Cynical Optimist

    1) Lose the stupid military Dino thing, it’s retarded… Like my ex wife.
    2) The I. Rex should have been explored a little more, maybe change Claire’s role in the film from uptight boss lady to a fellow trainer assigned to the hybrid, much to Pratts indignation causing a rift between them.
    3) MORE BLOOD AND SCARES. Man this movie was so afraid of showing people getting eaten and killed. They pulled an Indy 4.
    4) Zara was in the movie why?
    5) Make Dr. Wu the main antagonist, maybe he’s going against his bosses wishes and selling hybrids to rival companies in secret… idk… He should have been more of a threat.
    6) If you’re gonna use kids, make them not so annoying or idiotic.
    7) Going back to I.Rex, maybe show a segment from its point of view or how it became so deranged in captivity. Maybe Wu was intentionally neglecting it to test a theory or something??? Idk.

    Of course my ideas aren’t perfect but I was just so bored with what I saw onscreen. By no means was it a horrible movie though, I just wanted so much more.

  • Jeff

    they needed to use the raptors to hunt the indominus, that’s why they brought them. plus they had no choice. Hoskins was in charge and he wanted to use them as a ploy for the media to prove they could be weapons. sure go ahead and compare JW to transformers, That couldn’t possibly make you look like a total dolt.

  • Palpatine

    Your ideas are actually pretty good.

  • Jeff

    The avengers were too busy calling this movie sexist and then being embarrassed when they lost their box office record.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Swish!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Seeing as “normal” is a derivative of “norm”, you can, in fact, say that being “cisgender” is “normal”. As in that the majority of people are “cisgender”. That being said, what is normal and what is natural are two different things entirely.

  • Palpatine

    What was the point of that Zara lady anyway? The older brother is 16 years old, I’m pretty sure he could’ve looked after his little brother just fine.

  • Jeff

    I’m surprised Chris Pratt was actually the worst part of the movie. He was still quite good though. Larry is awesome. JW aced the character traits of the side characters. Larry was a billion times more interesting than chain smoking Ray Arnold.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Seriously. She was there, she lost them, then she got eaten by a fish. Maybe she’s just filler for a few minutes, who knows?

  • Matthew Spivey

    Sorry, Mike, but Jay is spot on this time. JW is pretty terrible.

    http://englishchampion.weebly.com/blog/movie-review-jurassic-world

  • Palpatine

    I actually kind of liked the younger brother. He reminded me of myself when I was a kid. A dinosaur fanatic who never kept his big mouth shut up.

  • WarBoychun24

    Wrong…critical thinking and demanding better efforts from blockbuster fare that miss the mark don’t require seeing a doctor. Especially those from a beloved film in JP’93 that has struck out THREE times in a row now regarding it’s sequels. With this latest being barely better than JP3 in tone/execution/narrative flow etc etc etc…

    Plinkett could and should go to town on this one as the red flags of near Bayformer level stupidity are EVERYWHERE in JWorld.

  • Jeff

    watch the viral marketing. they explained how the cloning and dextinction tech was being used for medicine etc, but they didn’t have to mention that in the movie. It was explained enough when Claire said no one cares about dinosaurs and profits are falling.

  • Cynical Optimist

    True, if they had to have kids I actually liked the younger brother more than the older one.

  • Jeff

    I think there is a cripple kid in the Lost World book. That’s all I remember.

  • Jeff

    But Biosyn failed. They were never successful in creating the same technology and science as Ingen, so why bother keeping them around When Ingen better shows how playing god makes you evil.

  • Jeff

    Are you saying being transgender is abnormal? Please don’t be saying that.

  • Jeff

    Mad Max is sexist and Jurassic World is empowering to females. I don’t know how the media mixed that one up.

  • WarBoychun24

    I would have kept the bird foot close up shot, the dino petting zoo as that little triceratops was adorable as heck, and scrapped nearly everything else. Then I would’ve left Pratt as a Parks & Rec version, a little chubby, maybe as a Wikas District9 middle management bureaucrat type at odds with Howard & Billionaire owner. Except with an actual character arc this time.

    Maybe even as ride operator with Jake Johnson (since his stuff was not funny at all and from a different movie) that gets swept up in the mayhem with Howard and park goers. Scrap the ENTIRE D’Nofrio and military stuff (which obviously is just a dumb built in sequel gimmick that is gonna happen due to it’s success) make it a one shot “Birdman” style adventure epic that the camera flows around the now open Jurassic World (the real star that was not focused on) and it’s guests. With Howard, Pratt, Johnson (no kids) while the chaos ensues of dino’s getting loose.

    But like Jay and any other detractors point out he park being open was what was being sold, along with returning to “The awe & wonder & adventure.”, but Trevorrow & his suit cronies at Universal COMPLETELY missed that for this C- level “B Monster Movie”. The park is essentially absent from the movie until the Dino Bird attack, then the way mean spirited and narrative nonsensical Nanny kill. As most of this flick takes place in the Raptor pen, Plotasaurus Rex pen and the woods. That’s it.

    This theme park set-up is the one thing it didn’t do. Jurassic Park left the door open for the most obvious, logical, easiest, and super fun thing you could do with a direct sequel, and they blew it. You finally got Hammond’s vision out
    there. The park is open, now run wild with it. You have a perfect canvas for disaster city. This was a freebie. Hell, you can just remake Jaws 3 with dinos and call it a day.

    But noooooooooooo….

  • Jeff

    Jurassic world has more interesting story threads and better characterization than jurassic park. So there is no reason to demand more. Just because you want to go back to all animatronics and hate cgi is not reason to ignore everything this movie does better than the original.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I liked the film, but if I could make my own version, I probably go for more of an Aliens-style story. Establish that the island park is going strong, finally realizing Hammond’s original vision, all that. Then have something go awry, maybe a computer virus takes down the park security, or whatever. No I-Rex.

    Have the film become more of an actiony-film from that point on, with a team of well-armed soldiers killing their way across the island, maybe leading the survivors (a few hundred odd people) to the island dockyard to escape. I just want a dino movie where people actually fight the dinos, instead of constantly running through the woods, I guess.

    If I have a time-machine I can use, I’d use a younger Bruce Campbell to be the parkworker who reluctantly takes over the team of soldiers when their original leader (either T-1000 or Ron Perlman) is cut down by a rampaging stegosaurus, and dragged off on its tail spikes. Essentially filling Pratt’s shoes, but having much better one-liners.

    Probably add a third-act twist where the park’s failing/sabatage was actually intentional orchestrated by the park’s owner, for some stupid reason. Maybe the park actually is operating at a huge loss and he wants to collect the insurance, or maybe he’s being pushed out by the InGen board of directors, and destroying the park is just his revenge. Whatever, I don’t require great motives in my films, as long as they make some amount of sense.

    Bad guy is tricked into leaving with a bag full of cash, seconds after the plucky young child (that some studio exec forced me to add into the film) has dropped his snickers bar into the bag. In the first fifteen minutes of the film, it was established by Bruce has been feeding snickers to the raptors, to ruin their diet cause his character is a bit of a dick. And as the bad guy leaves, the raptors sniff the air, turn around and slaughter him.

  • Palpatine

    That’s not a bad idea. It’s a shame we didn’t see enough of the park outside of viral marketing.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Me.

    DUH.

  • Jeff

    yes, but it’s nowhere near as good as jurassic world.

  • Palpatine

    You would’ve put yourself in the film? You fucking Mary-Sue! Go back to your Owen Thunderguns Grady/yourself fan-fiction!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Well, different races have certain distinct features (facial features, skin color etc.) that makes them identifiable as belonging to one race instead of the other in the first place. Just like different races of dogs have their own features, yet they all still share the same biological functions.

    I mean, what is a race other than just certain general features shared by a group of individuals? The moment the biological functions become incompatible, they races turn into different species, do they not? So, yes, racial differences may be superficial but that doesn’t mean it’s some abstract thing that doesn’t exist beyond words.

  • WarBoychun24

    Yup…I’m 100% behind Jay here on JWorld. I’m full on ready for outlets like Cinema Sins, Honest Trailer to express some easily available script (the dialogue eeek) and poor execution of narrative/themes miss steps from this movie (that took me the hell out of it several times like Jay said). And I really hope it gets a rewind type of video thing with a discerning mind…from the one and only Rich Evans or Plinkett himself, but with Jays voice – since you know, Mike loved this movie lol.

  • Jeff

    Don’t you dare insult Larry.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I share your sentiment. The older teen was just annoying, like all teens that age. Keep the younger one, kill off the older brother, the younger kid ends up saving the day with his encyclopedic knowledge of dinos. Sort of like the blond girl in the first film and her unix knowledge. Only less stupid.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Agreed. I wish Jay would have not backed down.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Just because you want to go back to all animatronics and hate cgi”

    What? So, Jurassic Park didn’t have any CGI? Is that what you’re saying? Also, Jurassic World had plenty of animatronics.

    “Jurassic world has more interesting story threads and better characterization than jurassic park.”

    What does this even mean?

  • WarBoychun24

    Boom! Make Pratt likeable again not a boring cartoon like Trevorrow managed too cartoon and more Jake Johnson – any kids in the movie will just be one offs for fodder and the like.

    Keep Jimmy Buffet and Margaritaville too I forgot lol.

  • Whiskey Jack

    That’s not what I’m saying; I’m saying that in the context I’ve heard people using the cisgender term, that seems to be what they’re using it to say. That cisgender is normal, as opposed to transgender. It’s all very confusing to me, personally. Too many prefixes, and never anyone saying what they actually mean when they use them. Is cisgender an insult, call to arms, or just another label? I have no idea.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And she isn’t even black! Patriarchy! sexism! privilege Oppression! Racism!

  • Palpatine

    Jay should’ve stood up to Mike and said; “You know what Mike, I’m tired of you not letting me have my say in these reviews! From now on we’re doing this the opposite way. It’s gonna be Jay and Mike, not Mike and Jay! And you better start treating Rich Evans better as well!”. Then, the room would get all dark and start shaking. Mike would get out his chair, his eyes black and soulless, and say in a voice that would make Satan shit his pant; “HOW DARE DEFY ME BAUMAN?! I STARTED THIS SHOW AND MY OPINION IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS!!! NOW SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND LET ME MAKE ANOTHER STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION REFERENCE!!!”.

  • Jeff

    but he was a piece of shit to him usually, and they were vip so they needed a handler. that’s why she was there. She was incompetent and a bitch so she got killed. then Zach and Grey bonded. so it all worked out.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Those that didn’t like Jurassic World couldn’t have made a better film.”

    Making movies is difficult. Writing dialogue that isn’t half-retarded isn’t.

  • Jeff

    Awww, are you upset everyone liked this movie except you?

  • WarBoychun24
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “abnormal
    adjective
    1. not normal, average, typical, or usual; deviating from a standard:
    abnormal powers of concentration; an abnormal amount of snow; abnormal behavior.”

    Being transgender is literally the definition of abnormal. Abnormal doesn’t necessarily have a negative connotation.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Come on, everyone knows that a guy who gets a lot of women is a stud, but when a woman does it she’s a slut. Because that’s all the guys want anyway, right? But I’m glad these progressive SJWs and feminists would never conform to such stereotypes. Oh no, sir.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I like the idea of corporate espionage over the super stupid military dinosaurs thing. Remember how in the first Jurassic Park Nedry says that by stealing the embryos Dogson’s company (BioSyn) was saving itself of 15 years of research? It’s been 22 years since that, which means that by now, other companies should’ve been able to catch up with InGen’s ability to clone dinosaurs. The novels touched upon the corporate espionage thing a lot, even if that sounds very 80s-90s dated these days.

    I just hope they do not go with the military dinosaurs. It was a bad idea that was never able to lift off as a movie, and that had to be relegated to a subplot so Jurassic World could happen. I feel like Spielberg absolutely loves the idea though.

  • Jeff

    It means the plot in Jurassic World was better than Jurassic Park and the characters in Jurassic World were more interesting. Are you slow?

  • Palpatine

    Every one of those films needs a gruesome death scene. In the first one it was Nedry’s death, in the second one it was Eddie’s death, and in the third one it was that mercenary who got killed by the raptor.

  • Jeff

    The people that didn’t like Jurassic World are the same people that hate anything with lots of CGI and want to return to the old and outdated way of making movies because they are hipsters with with nostalgia glasses on.

  • RLMkeepitup

    yeah, they say biologic weapons are the scariest. when the enemy shouts release the raptors I ain’t hanging around for that

  • Jeff

    Not only do you have bad taste in movies but you’re also transphobic. Why do you even come here to comment if you’re just going to be a troll and a scumbag?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Perhaps as a cameo or someone who gets eaten. That would be fun.

    What I WOULD change in the film, though, are some character arcs, less creepy stares from the hormonal-teenager, less contrived dialogue for everyone, especially the kids, and, well, some more setups so that the payoffs seem rewarding.

  • RLMkeepitup

    it’s kinda obvious at this point that Mike does those references because he can.

  • Palpatine

    He’s the boss after all.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I find it funny, because in real life I’m kinda like Mike, but with The X-Files.

  • Whiskey Jack

    I rewatched it the other day, and it was a hard watch. I really hate the Vaughn character, and whole the film tries to play his actions off as somehow good. Even aside from that, I don’t buy him as an actiony-guy at all.

    Then there’s the girl hiding away, somehow. She must have spent, what, a solid two-three days inside that lab-bus, while it was shipped down to Costa Rica. And no one noticed her, at all?

    And the whole plot with InGen taking some of the herbivores off the island, to put them in a zoo in San Diego. What is wrong with them doing that? The film plays it up as horrible, but why? Because capitalism of any sort is automatically evil, I guess. I mean, they were a bit rough in capturing the animals, but their giant reptiles who spend their lives trying not to be eaten by other giant reptiles. Knocking them out with darts isn’t the worst possible fate. And they’d be much safer and healthier in a zoo environment anyway.

    I will say, for the most part, the effects in Lost World are on par with JP. The stegosaurs at the beginning are the worst effects in the film, but they aren’t there for too long. The T-Rex effects, the animatronic and cgi both, are very well done.

    And I loved Pete Postlethwaite’s Roland character. I rather wish the whole film was just him. Maybe he could have been a famous big game hunter hired by a small coastal Costa Rica town to hunt down a rogue T-Rex that escaped the original park, and is threatening their local tourism industry by eating random townsfolk. Could even have Vaughn character show up, as an evil environmentalist hoping to lure the T-Rex into a logging campsite to kill a bunch of poor third-world loggers just trying to feed their kids.

  • Domo

    I would want the creators of JW to embrace what they were making in the same way that Fury Road’s creators did. Fury Road knew exactly what it was. It wasn’t ashamed of a world filled with crazy cars, warring clans, breeders, and over-the-top action. Even with a simple story, they gave a complete world that I could appreciate, and enough suspense to stick around for the ending. There was no satire, or irony.

    I would have been fine with almost anything JW threw at me if it felt sincere. I could take on 1D characters or a wierd plot if the satirical elements didn’t overshadow how freaking awesome it would be to have a real dinosaur park.

    JW kinda reminds me of Cabin in the Woods, where the point wasn’t to make a movie embracing a specific genre, but to make a meta concept of what movies and audiences have become in the eyes of the creator. That concept is fine for a standalone film, but not for a reboot, at least for me.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The characters were more interesting? They had a kid who was supposed to be rather intelligent but by the end was reduced to merely being a helpless twit. Did Chris Pratt even have a story arc? If anything it seems the characters were dumbed-down from Jurassic Park.

    The plot seems more like something recycled from Jurassic Park with extra bells and whistles. Overall it seems to lack substance. Jurassic Park explored interesting themes while still delivering the thrills. Jurassic World was rather light on themes.

    Also, yes, I’m slow; I’m a good two days late to this discussion board. 😉

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yes, precisely that. You’re quite deft, Jeff.

  • Palpatine

    If he and Pa Kent meet each other, then would fly.

  • Whiskey Jack

    So am I, only with MST3K riffs. Like, I saw National Treasure 2 in theaters, and nearly got kicked out for booing and calling it a ripoff of “The Final Sacrifice.” Though it is.

    Oddly enough, the same thing happened with that Bay flick, “The Island.”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Bad taste in movies? Transphobic?

    Rather quick judgments based on a few interactions. I said a factual statement that trangender people are abnormal. That is by no means antagonistic behaviour towards transgender people. Hell, for all you know I could be transgender and you’d look like an utter fool.

    Speaking of trolls, how long have you been at RLM? Seems you’re only here to discuss, rather rudely might I add, Jurassic World. After that you’ll most likely be on your way.

    Anyone that disagrees with you is some sort of hater, or has bad taste, or has a stick up their ass, etc. That sounds like far more trollish behaviour. I don’t think I’d have stayed around here for years if I were merely a troll.

  • IRONMANAustralia

    Don’t get me started on Private Pyle and his shitty non-logic and motivations that add up to, “I’m going to do this now because mwhahahaha I’m evil don’tcha know?”

    I’m actually surprised he didn’t want to have the dinosaurs kill all the Jewish people on the island so he could extract the unobtanium fillings from their teeth.

  • WarBoychun24

    Fury Road was made by George Miller and WB helped support his film fully with barely any interference IMO. They let him make his film even with the issues they had regarding weather and location changes, it’s his vision completely.

    You can easily tell that Jurassic World was directed by Trevorrow, 2nd Unit guys, The ‘Berg, Thomas Tull, any other investors, plus Beats, Verizon, Mercedes, Starbucks etc and many more cooks not listed. The script alone shows.

  • Palpatine

    Spielberg should’ve directed it.

  • WarBoychun24

    I didn’t insult Johnson I gave him a bigger part and more to do for cryin’ out loud lol

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Shia LaBeef tarzanning with monkeys is exactly what the raptor bike squad reminded me of.

  • Jeff

    Pratt’s character didn’t have an arc, but neither did Malcom. Claire had the most interesting arc of any character in any JP movie. using the raptors for the military was way more interesting and original than anything in Jurassic Park. Nearly every character in JW had interesting characters traits. Compared to Nedry, Muldoon and Ray Arnold the side characters in Jurassic World were very compelling and a lot more fun to get to know. Who gave a shit when Ray Arnold died? If Larry had died people would have rioted. Gray was exactly like Tim in Jurassic Park – at least he thought to bring out the Trex. Tim did nothing.

  • Palpatine

    On second thought, that’s a bad idea.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s a gross generalization. Sounds like you’re full-tilt into your cognitive dissonance, Jeff. perhaps taking some critical thinking classes and being intellectually honest might do you some favours in life, especially if you’re offended by people saying cis-gender people are normal.

    RLM isn’t quite the place for delicate snowflakes who refuse to accept differing opinions.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Does a person have to be able to make a good movie to be qualified to say that another movie is bad?

  • Whiskey Jack

    Did anyone clap when she died at your theater? I heard a lot of people applauding when she died. Honestly, I didn’t think she was in the film long enough to develop any sort of antagonism towards her. The older brother, sure, but her?

  • Jeff

    No, he did it because it’s his life’s work and he wanted money. Same with Wu. Why do people insist of lumping shit like transformers and Avatar in with Jurassic world? It’s fine if you don’t think it’s a good as JP, but to think it is as bad as avaturd is insane. Hoskins didn’t do anything just for shits and giggles.

  • Domo

    It’s not a bad one. Whether Spielberg would want to do the big blockbusters anymore or stick with high end drama is a whole different matter.

  • Palpatine

    I actually laughed when Zara died. Mainly because her death was so over the top it was hard not to laugh. And plus, I didn’t care for her character.

  • Palpatine

    I think Spielberg learned his lesson after Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

  • Jeff

    I’m offended by people saying transgender people are abnormal because that is highly offensive to anyone with even the slightest sense of decency. A large portion of people hate JW only because they don’t like CGI. That is simply the way it is.

  • Jeff

    His parts WERE funny. He was the best part of the movie and had better lines than Malcom In JP.

  • RLMkeepitup

    The mosasaurus was the answer to the old saying There’s always a bigger fish. But how does a sea-faring monster get bitten by a mosquito?

  • Palpatine

    Science!

  • WarBoychun24

    Lol nice try troll… JP ’93 has a well executed story, plot, actual characters/awe & wonder/adventure memorable moments and dialogue scenes that still old up to this day.

    Hell, it’s the whole reason folks went out to the goddamn theaters this weekend in the first place. Only to see an okay Monster Movie with nostalgic easter eggs subbing in for actual story and character because the script is nonsense from start to finish.

    Knock off 125 million from JWorld’s budget, change the title to “Everybody Run From Frankensaurus Rex Island” and air it right after Sharknado 3 on SyFy – becuase THAT is the writing and narrative level Trevorrow’s movie is at.

  • WarBoychun24

    The point the article made to me is that this weird/random drawn out death sequence shows the cut & paste effort of the flick. Which was far more perilous/graphic than the deaths in other JP flicks (Muldoon, Genarro, even when Eddie gets eaten by two T-Rex’s in Lost Word, it’s all in dark sillohuette with rain & shadow) Like the last few paragraphs state…

    “Zara’s death feels like it was created without a concern for the larger meaning of the kill, or perhaps it was created at a point when the script actually gave Zara enough scenes to register as a character requiring a comeuppance. Either way, this death feels like a remnant of some pre-production,pre-visualization element of the movie that isn’t reflected onscreen. Either her death was built by someone who didn’t care about the basic storytelling needs a scene like this must serve or the film was edited by someone who didn’t understand that Zara needed more set-up to get annihilated in this way. As a result it’s a failure of a sequence that sticks in many viewers’ craws.

    I think this scene may be Jurassic World’s version of the Battle of Metropolis in Man of Steel, a scene where some viewers react in a visceral way to a sequence that uses the wrong cinematic language while other viewers think those people are nuts/don’t understand that it’s all a movie, etc. Yes, it’s a movie, but movies speak to us in visual imagery, and the way that visual imagery is used is important. Fluency in that visual language is, frankly, the difference between a Steven Spielberg and a Colin Trevorrow.

    Zara should have died. She just shouldn’t have died like that, and her death is the best example of the ways that Jurassic World simply does not work on a most basic cinematic level.”

  • Jeff

    they were able to extract DNA directly from fossils now. It was in the movie!

  • Palpatine

    What scene did they say that?

  • WarBoychun24

    Dude, just stop you 12 year old nitwit. Stop with ANY silly, myopic and trite non-sense comment comparing JWorld to ANYTHING related to JP ’93…JWorld and JP3 are the only cousins of the four movies in this series.

  • WarBoychun24

    He has his hand in the movie big time.

  • Palpatine

    A minor character like her didn’t deserve such a gruesome death. The same can be said for Eddie in The Lost World. He was the most heroic character in the film, yet he has the most gruesome death.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Pratt is the progagonist; Malcom [sic] was not. Like I said before, Jurassic Park had some smarts along with thrills, which was done by having the protagonist be a scientist. Here we have an operations manager and a raptor trainer, only one of which offers much insight at all into dinosaurs and most of the factoids he mentioned were cookie-cutter enough it could have covered many various other species and predators.

    The themes in Jurassic World are basically watered down and rehashed versions of the original: our arrogance is our folly. Throughout Jurassic Park we see Tim best the people working at the park, showing that even at 11 he knows more about certain aspects than the people who actually work there and the scientists who create the dinosaurs. This interaction helps play to the main theme.

    Furthermore many aspects of the film take place from his perspective, which makes the sequences that much more frightening as we’re placed in the shoes on a young boy. In Jurassic World Gray doesn’t really have anyone to bounce his intelligence off of except his older brother and most of the film is from outside his perspective, even scenes where he’s part of the action. By the time he’s with his aunt and Chris Pratt, he’s basically just someone who needs protection and doesn’t contribute anything to the crew. His only help in the Third Act was saying, “We need more teeth …” Yeah, what great help kid!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Some scene in the lab where exposition happened.

  • Jeff

    Go back to watching mad max then and leave the good movies to people with taste. I guess sexist crap with a bunch of fat, dirty slobs is what you would rather watch.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Go back to watching mad max then and leave the good movies to people with taste.”

    It’s hilarious that you’re actually sincere with this sentence. That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve heard in a while, and this is after learning an obviously white woman was pretending to be black.

  • Jeff

    Claire was the protagonist, and she was better developed than any Jurassic Park character in the entire series. Gray was a great help because with out the T-rex everyone is dead. Tim did nothing but jump up and down like he was about to piss himself.

  • Jeff

    Mad max is sexist garbage and you know it. If you managed to watch that movie without throwing up you clearly have no morals.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yes. And only ship builders are allowed to say that the Titanic was hastily designed.

    What’s this fallacy called again? The ‘Jeff’ fallacy? 😉

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Dude, you’re like internet cancer. Do everyone here a favour and go somewhere else to write your poorly thought out, knee-jerk comments.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Larry was a billion times more interesting than chain smoking Ray Arnold.”

    That’s racist.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “watch the viral marketing”

    No.

  • Jeff

    ok transphobe. whatever you say. I’ll be sure to listen to a transgender basher like you.

  • Jeff

    right, because Larry was more interesting because he was white. It had nothing to do with the fact he was a well developed character that had more traits than just being a chain smoker.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    This is the point where I tell you I was joking.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “transgender basher”

    Wow, you’ve gone full retard.

  • Jeff

    So you don’t think transgender people are abnormal? Hopefully you’ve changed your mind and don’t believe that bullshit anymore.

  • Jeff

    I understood you were joking, but unlike Larry you’re just not funny.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    He wasn’t funny in Let’s Be Cops and he definitely wasn’t funny in Jurassic World.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Why did Vivian, the chick in the control room, look like she was about to cry in every scene?

  • Jeff

    He definitely was funny in Jurassic World, but you haven’t had time to develop a sense of humor because you were to busy hating transgender people.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Instead of refuting my argument about the definition of abnormal and how it fits with transgender people, you merely call me transphobic. Weird, since I never realized I harboured any ill-will towards them nor treated them any differently.

    Also, the person never even said they were abnormal, they said cis-gender people were normal.

  • Jeff

    You said transgender people are abnormal. Doesn’t get more scummy than that.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m transgender, you fuck-wit.

  • Earth

    Apart from the occasional moments when we do do stuff like that. Your definition is too simplistic. We can’t just say, well, at least we’re not as bad as those other guys, then just leave it at that. There are still problems, yeah they’re milder, but that doesn’t mean they’re not there.

    You’ve gone from saying that “the causes they’re fighting for don’t exist in first world countries” to “Those problems do exist in First World countries” in which case they’re probably should be people “fighting” for it.

  • Jeff

    Then why do you hate yourself and all the other transgender people?

  • Earth

    I guess. It’s a pretty sour term though, so I can understand trying to come up with an alternative phrase (even if it is stupid).

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Well, how are they not abnormal? Are you saying that being transgender is normal and that anyone non-transgender is abnormal? So, the vast majority of people are abnormal?

    Jeff, you’re so unskilled you don’t realize just how unskilled you are.

  • Mr_Wint

    It’s in the gene pool.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m terribly sorry that I triggered you. Next time I’ll be mindful and post a trigger warning when I define words.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Why do you hate black people, Jeff? I’m half-black. Why do you half hate me?

  • Cynical Optimist

    How is Mad Max “sexist” again??? Because women can actually shoot guns???

  • Cynical Optimist

    I was gonna offer her a Snickers to calm her tits.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Sexual harassment at the workplace via mutant, invisible heat frog dinos???

  • Jeff

    because the pretty women are damsels and the damaged one is the one that fights. Also sex slaves.

  • Jeff

    I hate you because you’re transphobic, not because you’re black. Also because you’re a cunt.

  • Jeff

    Being transgender is normal. to say they are abnormal proves you’re a shitbag.

  • Earth

    I’ll agree with identity politics (or SJW or feminists, or whatever the fuck) people on many things, but jesus fucking christ I hate “trigger warnings”.

    What’s the point of seeing a movie when someone has already told you all the biggest moments just so it won’t offend your sensibilities?

    (see, this is where I’ll agree SJWers are annoying, when they just turn into focus group Mary Whitehouse types)

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Mad Max is sexist because nearly every character that dies is a male … OH WAIT! :O

  • Earth

    Sex slaves that fight to escape their oppressors…

  • Cynical Optimist

    Yeah but that doesn’t make them weak, notice how once they were freed they became very useful and helpful during the chase. It’s not like they just cowered and screamed in terror for two hours.

  • atheistconservative

    Tim Hunt has the answer to that question.

  • Jeff

    sex slaves that were dragged out and didn’t actually want to be freed and actually wanted to go back.

  • atheistconservative

    Wow. This looks and sounds like utter shit. Mike, you disappoint.

  • Jeff

    helpful? as is sitting in a tiny hole underneath the truck cab and not doing anything? Definitely helpful.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Fell asleep during the movie, eh?

  • Jeff

    no, just paid attention unlike you.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Apparently not.

  • Jeff

    they were debating going back. watch the movie.

  • Cynical Optimist

    I mean I want to say he’s drunk for liking it so much but he’s always drunk so maybe he’s sober?

  • Jeff

    no, that’s where they were most of the time hiding from the guy that was trying to kill them but eventually joined up with them for no reason.

  • Earth

    Except it was one of the sex slaves who convinced the others to go. Slavery is difficult and can’t be watered down. Not every slave was too keen to leave their masters after the American Civil War. Why? Because as brutal as their lives could be, it was better than segregation and unemployment out there.

    A lot of women sneered at the Suffragettes when they fought for women’s right to vote. It’s a sad fact but it’s true. A lot of people would rather put up with the shitty situation that they have rather than change.

    Also, only one of them tried to run to go back.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Right… Because one of them using herself as a shield and then sacrificing herself and her baby isn’t heroic or anything…