Half in the Bag: Jupiter Ascending and Battlefield Earth

February 12, 20152,794 Comments

Still at the bottom of Lake Michigan, Mike and Jay pass the time by discussing the latest Wachowski siblings flop Jupiter Ascending, as well as the comparable sci fi flop Battlefield Earth starring John Travolta.


Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • omitted

    Work richdamnit!

  • Lat

    Holy fuck finally I’ve only been waiting all goddamn week. It’s like you guys have better things to do than serve our every whim.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    The madness is over!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    rejoice!

  • Kyle Peterson

    A redlettermedia day is a good day.

  • Jesus Manatee Jenkins III

    I have no comment at this time.

  • My ex wife

    I hope you’re right, but I fear it has only just begun.

  • My ex wife

    Always quick off the mark Omi? 😀

  • Boehm

    There’s always a bigger flop.

  • The Summer of George

    More like Jupiter ASSending! Am I right, people?? …People?

  • My ex wife

    It’s 12am and I have work tomorrow. Now it’s your turn to wait RLM!! Ha!

  • omitted

    Uranus Rising.

  • omitted

    Blip not cooperating.

  • Bigphil2695

    I upvoted this twice….. you cunt!

  • castlemonster

    Nice double-chin accentuating beard…

  • omitted

    Finally!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Mike is confirmed…. for Magic.

  • Steven Gibbs

    Are there spikes in this movie?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s no coincidence the only role Mila Kunis ever excelled at was Meg from Family Guy.

  • omitted

    Blender’s Game.

  • Kyle Peterson

    StarWars the beer.

  • Clanker

    Why does Jay say “Cloud Atlas” weird?

  • eddyk

    And to think, I was just about to go to work.

  • omitted

    Keep saying sweet nothings to me in your Eddie Redmayne -voice, Jay.

  • Oboy oboy oboy oboy oboy.

  • Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    Thank God i was right.

    Jupiter Ascending really fucking sucks, and i now get to call The Wachowskis the new Shyamalanas after being trashed by stupid Speed Racer fanboys for not liking Speed Racer.

  • Mila Pun is

  • Astro Zombie

    Because you touch yourself! Jesus saw you… he saw you.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    still earned a recommendation from Mike Stoklasa.

    #howmanyawfulmoviescanthisfrauddefend?

  • omitted

    “Cruising for dudes at gyms at three in the morning.” Projecting much, Jay?

  • Part werewolf, part man with rocket boots. I would have included slidewhistles in the soundtrack just to enhance that comedic tone.

  • Ragged Gypsy

    Thanks for the early birthday present! Tomorrow won’t feel so hollow now!

  • The occasional RLM video is better than sex!

  • COB DM would send these two Low Tone, 1.1, SP, hack frauds to the RPF for not adoring Battlefield Earth. I’m so happy they shat on Scientology.

  • Robby

    Sounds exactly like my impression of Cloud Atlas. After it ended I was glad I watched it, because it was epic and ambitious and had some interesting ideas. But it didn’t all mesh well. At the end of it, I admired the film more than I actually liked it.

  • omitted

    Jay, you won’t be laughing when the only thing to eat in my sex dungeon basement is rats!

  • Jessey Bowman

    I just wanted to say. While everything Jay and Mike said about Jupiter Ascending is true ; if you have spare money, and a spare friend, go ahead and see this movie. Soon, as there will be more people in the theater. That way you can laugh at the utterly absurd and fucking stupid moments of this movie.

    There were some parts where half of the people in the theater I was at would just spring a leak: “PBBBBTTTTT hahahaha!”

    So, yeah, it’s a very easily criticized movie as it’s so bad. But – at the same time – if you want to just laugh at a bad movie, it’s pretty good for that.

  • Harry Palm

    The problem with that is that when crappy movies make money, it tells movie producers that people like crappy movies. Crappy movies are better seen at home with your friends than at a theater.

  • omitted

    Jay, stop fiddling with Mr. Plinkett’s ball!

  • Guts Going Nutz

    Fuck you guys, you don’t write, you don’t return my calls, and then you just show up on my doorstep unannounced? Well I’ll tell you what, I’m a strong, independent girl and I don’t need no man!

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    BATTLEFIELD EARTH OUT OF LEFT FIELD EARTH

  • Not Claude Akins

    Can “THE FRIENDLY BARTENDER!” replace “IT TOOK 12 YEARS TO MAKE!” so soon?

  • Jessey Bowman

    … I did like some of this crappy movie is the thing. I want more of some of the things that were in it. The problem is that it’s like diamonds hidden in shit.

    As for seeing it in the theater – again, it’s kind of fun to hear so many other people having the same reaction. But if you think it means that it harms the movie industry than don’t go see it in the theater, I suppose.

    Ultimately : I enjoyed the ability I had to joke about the movie and relive the laughs with a friend more than I enjoyed the movie itself.

  • omitted

    Ya tell’em, sistah!

  • jrich

    His passion project is not his wife….happy valentine’s day

  • pete smith

    Mila Kunis must be the most talentless actress cunt there is. Stick voice acting meg from family guy.

  • pete smith

    stop typing fag

  • Jean-François Martel

    Why you rude about it tho?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    And if they refuse to enter your black hole, whip ’em into shape with your asteroid belt.

  • Bacchus

    I like the fact that there is actually some cunt on youtube accusing these guys of being lazy, because they once posted a highlights video there.

  • Well I can finally stop holding my breath…

  • Jean-François Martel

    Jesus is kind of a freak isn’t he?

  • Diable Blanc

    dude, chill.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    What those Youtubers don’t know is that every video is a highlight video.

    Every. Single. One.

  • omitted

    They don’t call it Gargantua for nothing. Wait…

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    Based on the creation of the vlog and his haircut, it seems Jay is quickly evolving into a hipster.

  • Jean-François Martel

    I still kinda want to see Jupiter Ascending, i mean i won’t because it would mean having to get myself out of the house but i want to.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    We got a super-morph Youtube/AICN/Reddit/4Chan creature over here! Tranquilize him with beans and Chunky’s Fried Chicken. Quick!

  • omitted

    I decided to skip it and go see Kingsman: The Secret Service instead next week. Forget Tatum Channing, it’s all about Taron Egerton now!

  • SexyFrankenstein

    People who say “ascending” instead of “rising” are the same people that say “intermittently” instead of “sometimes”. We get it! Some words have synonyms! I’m gonna go watch “Deep Ascending” where Treat Williams battles a slimy gross sea monster named Famke Jannsen and a octopus.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I thought we were going to see Magic Mike XXL together, Omitted. I heard Colin Firth makes a cameo. I’m sure that’s what I heard!

  • omitted

    *devolving

  • Conquerbeard

    Oh Jesus Christ I died when they brought Bane in

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Venus Descending.

  • West .Raz

    Co2 don’t float, just ask bill nye

  • omitted

    Sure we are, Domo, but MM XXL doesn’t open till July. I need my hunky guy fix stat!

  • Jean-François Martel
  • Jean-François Martel

    Yeah but i fucking hated X-Men First Class, and i hate Matthew Vaughn.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    She was good as the free-spirited ballerina in Black Swan, but it’s because, deep down, that’s who she really is.

    What we need now is more tortured ballerina movies.

  • Jean-François Martel

    Plinkett’s on the case

  • Phil Davis

    Jupiter Ascending wasn’t that bad. People are blowing it all out of proportion. Like my cock.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Oh hey, Cyclos band!

  • omitted

    As long as it’s not Strange Magic.

  • Steven Gibbs

    By farting into the house to fill up the balloon, that would actually increase the density of the air in the house not decrease it so it wouldn’t pull the house up YOU HACK FRAUDS

  • Man that bluish tint the video has is going to make me depressed. I’m starting to feel like uncle Sy in One hour photo.

    http://i.imgur.com/HUCYPxG.jpg

  • Like Icare

    Battlefield Earth?
    I have a feeling that this is gonna be great.

  • Dead Smoke

    NICE!!!

  • omitted

    Do you WANT lunch?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    There was a great script-writing war between Lindeloff, Orci, and The Wachowskis. The writers for American Flatulators did a sneak attack and won the bid to write this episode, with some help from Jessi.

    She was sorely disappointed in the farting sound effects, and has since gone into hiding.

  • Dead Smoke

    “The Matrix and…” Matrix = William Gibson Neuromancer rip! And some esoteric stuff tossed in.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Please tell us Jessi did the sound effects for this episode. That would have been glorious.

  • Adam Stein

    changing in no discernible way*

  • omitted

    And by ‘doing the sound effects’ you mean?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The abundant flatulence at the end.

    SPOILERS.

  • Earth

    Heh. When I saw Jupiter Ascending I immediately thought of Battlefield Earth for some reason.

  • Noah R.

    I was beginning to worry we wouldn’t see this episode today, thanks guys. I’ll touch myself less tonight as this will fulfill some of my required satisfaction!

  • castlemonster

    YOUR FRIENDLY BARTENDER!

  • Noah R.

    Were there battles on Earth?

  • Noah R.

    Your rubbery green skin will always steal the show Nass 😉

  • Palpatine

    I think they just totally ripped off Thunderpants with the ending.

  • Noah R.

    He may have gone too far in a few places…

  • castlemonster

    So humans don’t enjoy feasting on raw rat flesh? No wonder my crawlspace captives are getting so skinny!

  • omitted

    Funny, for me the masturbation usually increases right after a new HitB. I wonder why…

  • Noah R.

    For it isn’t “after”, it’s “during”- if at all!

  • Noah R.

    A movie for the ages.

  • Jason Ross

    Wasn’t Canning Taters the hero in G.I.Jed?

  • Noah R.

    Meh, probably just aliens… Disguised as him from another dimension. He’s literally a universal star!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Instead of asking if this is real life, I’m just going to say “No, no it’s not.” and stick my head in the sand. (This HITB episode is merely an illusion! I won’t be fooled! *gibbergibber*)

  • Palpatine

    And yet that minute of Plinkett farting was far more entertaining then the whole of American Flatulators.

  • omitted

    I might have to kick your ass for that comment.

  • Jean-François Martel

    Real talk tho, Eddie Redmayne looks fucking obscene in that movie.

  • Piecewise

    Nothing about strange magic? Disappointing.

  • Jean-François Martel

    First Class killed it’s one character whose power is that he literally cannot die… oh and he happened to be black. And i see kingsman with their token non-white character and i don’t fuck with that.

  • omitted

    Bathing in semen will do that to you. Trust me, I know.

  • Sully

    You’ve sighed enough. It’s time to inhale.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Get the catch-poles!

  • omitted

    *swallow

  • Noah R.

    Was it black market semen, because I had a similar experience with that shit!

  • Remy

    I was just gonna say…then I looked through the comments and saw someone had already said it [ohhhh.]. And in any case, assuming the house is sealed by the fact that it’s watertight, you wouldn’t actually be changing the mass of the system, since all you’re doing is taking the carbon and hyrdrogen within the beans and chemically transforming it int AHH FUCK IT

  • Sully

    Wasn’t Cumming Tan Ones the hero in Magic Mike? *high fives all around*

    *immediately washes hands with bleach….. and fire.

  • omitted

    I only use handmade, locally produced stuff myself. Wait…

  • Jean-François Martel

    do you make your own or do you go to a local farm?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    But there’s so much farting… ; ;

  • omitted

    One of us! Gooble Gobble!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Get those Velociraptors that Chris Pratt’s Abs trained so well! Sic em!

  • Noah R.

    And was it a “legit” farm… or the kind I run?

  • JohnBigbooty

    Cloud Atlas was one of the most shockingly horrible movies I’ve ever seen. If it was possible for a city to direct a movie, San Francisco and Berkeley would have been fighting over the director’s chair. Honestly, I’ve never rolled my eyes so much in one film. Eventually I had to switch to dropping my jaw to give my eyes a rest.

  • omitted

    I like to ‘churn’ my own ‘butter’.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Guhhhhhhhh.

  • omitted

    NSA, you getting all this?

  • omitted

    Don’t knock it till you try it.

  • Noah R.

    Hold on while I answer my door…

  • Jean-François Martel

    Wait, so you’re telling me Eddie Redmayne is the Katia Winter/Katrina Crane of this movie!? Interesting.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    But where would I ever find enou… No, don’t answer that.

  • YourMovieSucksDOTorg

    Crazy. I saw Jupiter Ascending a week ago and saw Battlefield Earth for the first time two nights ago. Both were hilarious.

  • No mention of the Wachowskis writing V for Vendetta in their successes?
    That’s a seminal film that wasn’t a box office flop.

  • Jason Ross

    Sounds like my bacheolo



    bachelorette party?

  • Jean-François Martel

    i want to know!

  • Like Icare

    Well, it was good enough for Blackadder.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q66NuZrB2E

  • Jason Ross

    like wrapping a message around a baseball bat with protruding nails and getting beat over the head with it

    It’s basically a companion piece to Land of the Dead.

  • Like Icare

    …and a Gungan energy shield.

  • omitted

    Shit, it’s already 4 am. Hopefully I can still catch John Jay at the gym. Goodnite, homoies!

  • Noah R.

    Guten nacht!

  • Lt Hurwitz

    That’s right, Jay!

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Channing Tatum is money, no matter what these hacks say.

  • James McKenzie

    That final shot just needed to have the Amazing Bulk run through and it would have been just perfect.

  • Mark Bisone

    Out of morbid curiosity I’m still considering seeing this overcooked train wreck of a movie. Mike mentioned that he didn’t really enjoy the retarded anti-genius of “Battlefield Earth” on his first viewing of it, and a little bird tells me there might be a similar Stockholm Syndrome thing going on in his first viewing of Jupiter’s Rising.

    I could be wrong, but there are lots of potentially good-bad things in the film’s trailer. The Wachowskis haven’t been any good since “The Matrix” (and may have never been any good at all), but they are certainly trying to establish a unique voice. Even (or especially?) if that voice equals a bunch of strangled cats, it might be worth a laugh or two.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Tanning Matum? What’s his name for real?

  • Earth

    Anyone else think of Dev Patel in The Last Airbender when they saw Eddie Redmayne was in Jupiter Ascending?

  • Jean-François Martel

    I have no idea what you are talking about.

  • castlemonster

    Maybe the rumors of Travolta being gay came from being seen spotting some other guy doing squat presses at the gym. That can look pretty gay. In fact, it probably is gay to spot another guy’s squats. One thing’s for sure: better to risk spine damage than have your squats spotted by John Travolta at 3AM.

  • The Narrator

    Leaving aside the understandably divisive Speed Racer (which it should be noted is a masterpiece, and anyone who disagrees is a drooling subhuman), I’d say Cloud Atlas very much counts as “good”, even “great” perhaps.

  • Like Icare

    Seminal as in relating to semen?
    Cause it sure as hell didn’t start a trend in film making or sparked any sequels.
    Heck… it even used music from a movie that actually WAS a highly influential start of a successful run – Batman Begins.

    V for Vendetta wasn’t an outright flop – but that’s about it.
    And any good parts (of which they’ve removed and altered a lot) were Moore’s.
    The things they changed only emasculated the story to the point where it wouldn’t have been strange or inappropriate had the main character started chanting “USA! USA! USA!” or “FREEEDOOOOM!!!” or some such populist patriotic crap.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V_for_Vendetta_%28film%29#Differences_between_the_film_and_graphic_novel

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “Bound” was a slick little crime thriller, there’s talent there.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Emile Hirsh should never be allowed to act.

  • Like Icare

    Emile Hirsh should never be allowed.

    There. Fixed that for ya.

  • Percy Gryce

    Are you the guy who claimed that Speed Racer was the Star Wars of your (godforsaken) generation and that I had to give it another chance?

    I loved the original Speed Racer cartoons as a kid. I bought the DVD set several years ago and found them unwatchable.

    I watched about 15 minutes of the movie and bailed too.

  • The Narrator

    I don’t have an opinion about him one way or the other, but he seems like a weird person to be that passionately against as an actor.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “Rich Evans, a guy we know.” The campaign slogan for Rich’s entry into politics.

  • Percy Gryce
  • Kyle

    Jay says he hasn’t seen Battlefield Earth, but then he says it’s a good time to revisit Battlefield Earth.

  • No

    “The did the Matrix…”
    … and V for Vendetta! Or at least they wrote the script. A movie I liked a lot.

  • The Narrator

    I said no such thing, I don’t believe. It’s not my Star Wars, I just find it to be thoroughly enjoyable and (pardon the pun) transporting. Did you start watching it from the beginning? Because I thought the first 15-20 minutes were absolutely magnificent (and if you didn’t like those, you’d definitely not want to watch the rest).

  • Lt Hurwitz

    He’s terrible in otherwise good movies, “Lone Survivor” “Killer Joe” off the top of my head, and yet they keep trying to make him happen.

  • Percy Gryce

    Blipee no workee. Percy no seey HITBee.

  • Like Icare

    What a plot hole!

  • Justin Lee

    It’s working! IT’S WORKING!

  • Kyle
  • Lt Hurwitz

    I agree Gryce, Matrix success broke their brains.

  • The Narrator

    I saw it last week, and I can say that in about five years, Jupiter Ascending will have a small but devoted cult audience, and five years from then it will be a full-blown cult favorite with lots of whatever the equivalent of midnight screenings will be at that point (maybe fans downloading the film into each other’s brains at a sleepover). Or maybe it will just be me and five other people watching it eight times in a row in five years. It’s hard to tell with these kind of things (I definitely bet that I’ll be alone in my appreciation of Blackhat besides the hardcore Michael Mann auteurists).

  • Like Icare

    Speed Racer is one of those films that is shown in other films at a location which is supposed to be strange and alien.
    Like the Night of the Lepus in The Matrix.

    Which is BTW a hilarious film. For which this is a real trailer.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yww2x3bm9k

  • Derek Cottle

    I liked Jupiter Ascending. I thought it was a light, fun sci-fi romp. *shrugs* Cloud Atlas is a masterpiece, though.

  • The Narrator

    Leaving aside the rather odious (if not outright offensive) implications of that article, I really don’t think there should be articles like this when they’ve made exactly two (2) movies since Lana’s transition, which is much too small a sampling size to be particularly trustworthy (leaving aside things like opinions). It’s like asking if Wes Anderson has made a bad movie since he started working with Edward Norton.

  • Like Icare

    Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don’t fall out of the sky, you know.
    http://www.people.com/article/emile-hirsch-charged-assault

  • Mark Bisone

    Look: when it comes to Speed Racer. I’m perfectly happy to be a subhuman Morlock, chewing on your helpless, hopeless Eloi corpses.

    On that note, I’d say Cloud Atlas counts as “chicken McNuggets”, even “a McRib Sandwich” perhaps.

  • Sully

    Mike: “Wouldn’t the balloon just tear the roof off? I mean the roof wasn’t designed to lift the weight of the whole house.

    Jay: “Just pretend you’re in a Wachowski’s movie. Ignore all physical reality.

    How about the fact that the same amount of “air” was already in the house whether it was inside a balloon or still up Plinkett’s ass?

    H A C K

    F R A U D S !

  • Like Icare

    You think that’s the air they’re smelling?

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.

  • Noah R.

    You must make a sacrifice to Rich first…

  • fred

    Sometimes I wonder if I should wait for a better time to watch new episodes, so that I’m mentally ready to savor every second before the two month wait for the next video.

    god I need to get a life.

  • Sully

    I actually liked Speed Racer… for what it was.
    It’s a live action Anime-style Movie. I even feel like the bad acting was done on purpose to emulate the shoddy voice over work in real anime films.

    It was goofy and over the top, but I enjoyed it.

  • Like Icare

    Maybe he was like doing a thing.
    Protesting the use of choking by the police or something.
    Maybe Sean Penn got him to do it. They’ve done worse together before.

    Like making that movie which causes mentally unstable people to fuck off into wilderness and die.
    http://edition.cnn.com/2013/08/27/us/into-the-wild-missing-teen/

  • Kyle

    Why?

  • Sully

    “air”

  • Kyle

    I was looking forward to Jupiter Ascending because I loved Cloud Atlas. I don’t know if I’ll see it now, though. But I still might, since Mike did recommend it. albeit reluctantly.

  • Like Icare
  • Lt Hurwitz

    Anyone who chokes out a woman is a pos, had to be high as a kite, or knows that he will walk away from it no problem, maybe get community service…I hope you’re ready for “Emile Hirsh For Safety’s Sake.”

  • Like Icare

    “Let’s Talk About Wild Safety.”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    they said on their last stream that they made a ton of content at once, and decided to pace it out rather than drop a bunch at once. So hopefully it’ll fix it.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “Into the Wild” was at least shot well, and almost features a facial expression from Kirsten Stewart, you just have to leave aside the fact that it’s based on a moron who starved to death walking distance from a fishing camp.

  • Derek Cottle

    L. Ron Hubbard wrote awful sci-fi novels and founded a cult (like an evil, bizarro world Philip K. Dick) but his jazz muzak often gets the sort shrift, and I’d like to rectify that:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZd7MzF1RlA

  • Memoman

    I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I don’t give a fuck! It’s been so long, I’ve been having shakes. I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! WHat?!

  • Hamish Smith

    I love you RLM never change

  • Uncle Dan

    The real question of the night: Did this video have more farting than Thunderpants?

  • Mark Bisone

    Hey, let me know when Lana transitions into a storyteller with clear character motives, exciting pacing, coherent plotting, empathetic dialogue and emotionally satisfactory conclusions. That would be great!

  • Sully

    “air”

  • Lt Hurwitz

    It’s gonna be great

  • Mark Bisone

    Goongas!

  • Mark Bisone

    Goongas!

  • Scientology’s the biggest fart joke of them all.

  • Scientology’s the biggest fart joke of them all.

  • andypants1989

    I was surprised by how much I liked In Time, given how it was universally panned at the time of release and seemingly shunted out like it was utter garbage. It reminded me of limitless, just a really solid goofy sci fi thriller. It was better than it should have been.

  • andypants1989

    I was surprised by how much I liked In Time, given how it was universally panned at the time of release and seemingly shunted out like it was utter garbage. It reminded me of limitless, just a really solid goofy sci fi thriller. It was better than it should have been.

  • Like Icare

    Same can be said of the “Triumph of the Will”.
    Minus Kirsten Stewart.

    But it does have a young George Bush in it so…
    http://staticmass.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/tri_2.jpg

  • Like Icare

    Same can be said of the “Triumph of the Will”.
    Minus Kirsten Stewart.

    But it does have a young George Bush in it so…
    http://staticmass.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/tri_2.jpg

  • Uncle Dan

    Anyone else rather irritated that as a result, those Guy Fawkes masks have become the Symbol of the Revolution now? Totally misinterpreting both the history and the story, all because of an okay movie which wasn’t a total bomb.

  • Uncle Dan

    Anyone else rather irritated that as a result, those Guy Fawkes masks have become the Symbol of the Revolution now? Totally misinterpreting both the history and the story, all because of an okay movie which wasn’t a total bomb.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Damn, now I kind of want to see both of these movies. -_- *facepalm*

  • Sully

    What about American Flatulators?

  • Uncle Dan

    … That probably breaks the comparison.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I thought it was an interesting concept, but devolved into something pretty generic and uninspired. Would like to see the premise revisited again by someone who could make the most of it.

  • andypants1989

    The micro-bacteria in your bowel actually creates gases. It isn’t just air that you swallow.

  • The Narrator

    I don’t like it very much, but I’ve seen it too many times solely on the basis of Roger Deakins’ lovely cinematography for it.

  • The Narrator

    Fine, you don’t like the Wachowskis. But linking Larry-becoming-Lana to their supposed decline with the only “evidence” being that The Matrix made a lot of money and that led to Larry “living out his pervy sci-fi geekery” (which is such a fundamental misunderstanding of transgender that it’s almost stunning) is absolutely absurd, and especially so considering the comically small sampling size. Even the most hardened Wachowskis detractor should take one look at that article and recognize it as bullshit. To quoth Seinfeld, I’m not offended as a Wachowskis fan, I’m offended as a writer.

  • Gabriel

    I’ve never had the chance to find out why RLM never review or talk about animated movies. So why is that?

  • Sully

    For the best experience, be sure to watch Battlefield Earth with a few friends… and a lot of liquor.

  • Uncle Dan

    As far as dystopian “oppressed poor overtaking the rich” movies go, it wasn’t too bad. I did like the interesting idea of portraying the poor literally working for minutes and hours as a depiction of how tenuous their existence is.

    But speaking of dystopian, has anyone made a real dystopian movie lately which doesn’t involve bloody revolution? Classic literature in 1984 or Brave New World both had downer endings where the protagonist learns that the utopia is false and that they’re powerless to stop it or naive in wanting to.

    Everything dystopian these days is just about revolution. Meh.

  • Uncle Dan

    I saw it on video when I was growing up and had no idea what was going on. To this day all I really remember from it is the ending… which I won’t spoil. It was obviously bad to me even then.

  • Uncle Dan

    Someone keeps asking about this. Is it you? They’re just not that interested. They certainly watch them but I don’t think they have insights into animation the way they do live action, because they make their own live action work.

  • empathylouis

    How did Rich Evans travel down to the bottom to Lake Michigan to watch Battlefield Earth with Mike and Jay?

  • Divine ascencion indeed.

  • Mark Bisone

    “But linking Larry-becoming-Lana to their supposed decline…”

    Wait, isn’t that what you are doing? It seems like you’re the only one who brought that up, and you continue to harp on it. It seems like your entire strategy is to defeat a Straw-Transman.

    For anyone who’s keeping score on this, 1-UPs all around. Freud was, for the most part, a coke-sniffing jackass, but his theory of projection stands the test of time.

  • Lilgreenman
  • Sully

    Sean Astin? Pass.

  • The Narrator

    No, I’m referring to the thesis of the article mentioned above. You are not doing that, nor is (to the best of my knowledge) anyone else here, the author of the article is.

  • Martín Galarza Flores

    Cloud Atlas was awesome. It felt its length, at parts. But it was smart, emotional, and very well acted. I would’ve liked to see a Half in the Bag on it, I’m very curious to see what you thought.

    Also, no 2014 recap? You disappoint me.

  • andypants1989

    I remember watching Battlefield Earth when I was 12, because I was into sci-fi movies. It seemed to be about 100 hours long, Even then I couldn’t believe that something this bad could have been made.

  • Kyle

    In Time was a good movie. It does everything a sci-fi thriller should. It sets up a what-if situation and plays it out to its conclusion in a way that reflects and comments on aspects of our own society and reveals underlying truths.

  • Pedro Oliveira

    I actually kinda enjoyed Jupiter Ascending’s first 30 minutes or so, I thought the first couple of action scenes were really well done and it kept my interest… until they went into space, and it turned into Phantom Menace with all the politics. Channing Tatum was the highlight of the movie for me… Mila Kunis’s character though, jesus. So f’in dumb.

    Pedro, out.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    I watched BE in Spanish one time. It was the best movie I had ever seen, and it is my absolutely favorite version of that turd.

  • Mark Bisone

    Then why did you reply to me with this crap? I didn’t link to any article, and don’t care about whatever elective surgeries Larry underwent.

    I was talking about their storytelling skills. Storytelling demands a wisdom borne of observation and experience, a kindness borne of reason and empathy, and a sense of humor that understands the fragility of all-of-the-above. Since “The Matrix”, the Wachowski brothers have proven themselves severely lacking in these qualities, to the point which I think we can reasonably throw them in the dumpster… right next to Bambi.

  • Pedro Oliveira

    Does Jupiter Ascending take place in the same universe as Mercury Rising? Is this Marvel?

    If so, I’m going to drop a few possible titles for the next installment:
    Uranus Growing
    Uranus Emerging
    Uranus Boosting
    Uranus Surging
    Uranus Increasing
    Uranus Elevating
    Uranus Climbing
    Uranus Levitating

  • BlowingBubbles

    Uranus Contracting, actually.

  • Malevolence

    I can imagine Jesse is laughing her ass off at the fart ending

  • Jay, whats with the hipster cut?

  • BlowingBubbles

    I can’t believe this episode took you guys 12 years to make.

    I’m a little surprised that Mike did not genuinely enjoy Battlefield Earth more. It is pretty much just a lost episode from one of the Star Trek series. At any point in the movie, you could beam Picard and Data down into Barry Pepper’s little cave and the movie would’ve worked just fine as a 2nd season TNG show.

  • andypants1989

    Does anyone else think that John Travolta resents being a scientologist and has simply been blackmailed into being a spokesperson for the church using information about his true sexuality and that he intentionally used his position as a producer and lead actor in this film to make it the worst thing imaginable as a kind of revenge?

  • fred

    Rich is a loving and merciful Evans.

  • Sully

    What a coincidence! These also happen to be alternate titles to this episode of HitB.

  • Noah R.

    You obviously haven’t seen him when he’s horny.

  • Sully

    True, but whether those gases are still in Plinkett or in the balloon makes no difference. Both are still in the house.

  • Guest

    Where do you think I s̶t̶e̶a̶l̶, hum, get my ideas from? These are the minds that came up with the utter brilliant Horse Ninja!

  • fred
  • Pedro Oliveira

    Where do you think I stea… um, get my ideas from? These are the genius minds that came up with the utter brilliant Horse Ninja comic! Forget the Wachowskis, these are the Fraudowskis!

  • Markham

    – This RLM-content-drought has been the wrongest possible time to have a pause on drinking.

  • Sully

    Hopefully Jay won’t cut his dick off and change his name to Jane.
    It would destroy Omitted.

  • Sully

    How would that excuse the rest of his body of work?

  • I thought it was incredibly stupid. But it’s funny it seems to be coming up a lot lately. Here’s this from my second favorite podacst. http://www.flophousepodcast.com/2012/03/episode-98-in-time/

  • Uncle Dan

    John Travolta’s kind of a mixed bag and I can’t really decide if he’s good or not. Like anyone, he’s been in some shit, and been in some good movies, but aside from being a good *performer* I’m not sure if he’s actually good at acting which doesn’t involve singing and dancing, which he hasn’t done since the 80s… I think.

  • Percy Gryce

    To quoth Seinfeld, I’m not offended as a Wachowskis fan, I’m offended as a writer.

    “Quoth” is first person or third person form. “To” introduces the infinitive. What you have there is a fundamental confusion of verb forms.

    I’m the one who should be offended as a writer.

  • Popo Bawa

    Something is wrong with our children. They eat not, they sleep not, their only interest is watching meaningless Earth programs on the video.

  • Sully

    I like Travolta best when he’s frantic and losing his shit. He really is a funny guy. Hell, he was the only watchable part of Broken Arrow.
    He’s definitely a hit or miss actor (mostly miss), but my favorite guilty pleasure Travolta picture has to be Wild Hogs. I don’t know what it is about that movie. It’s incredibly dumb, but it works.

  • Uncle Dan

    I haven’t seen it in forever, but I remember really enjoying Face/Off because it’s both Nicholas Cage and John Travolta hamming it up in a John Woo gunplay movie.

  • Jason

    Excuse me? Wachowski “brothers”? Don’t trigger me, cis scum!

  • andypants1989

    Maybe he’s perpeptually pressing the self-destruct button on his career so that the church of scientology has one less high profile celebrity to exploit. The guy would obviously rather be flying his 747 and spending some good quality man on man time with his masseuse than

  • Pedro Oliveira

    Well, he did say he was thinking about shaving his beard off… that might be the first step.

    Thanks!

  • Sully

    That was a decent one. I can’t watch Woo’s movies anymore though. I’ve tried on several occasions, but they feel incredibly dated now. It’s hard to explain.
    Take Mission Impossible 2 for instance. It feels like an Asylum version of a Mission Impossible movie.

  • Sully

    He’s no Tom Cruise. I don’t think Scientologist give a shit what he does.

  • Uncle Dan

    I haven’t revisited them in a long time either and don’t remember much, but I saw MI2 in the theater and even then thinking it was a pile of crap. The complete change in what the movie was even about, going from the spy thriller of the first, to the action schlock of the second, was just jarring as hell.

  • Percy Gryce

    *Cishet scum.

    FIFY.

  • Sully

    Well… it’s technically true. Cutting one’s dick off doesn’t change their genetic makeup.

  • Sully

    Especially when compared to the now franchise. It stands out completely. Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt doesn’t even feel like the same character.

  • Palpatine

    It worked the opposite way for Chaz Bono.

  • Sully

    Maybe they had a swap meet.

  • Adzl33t

    They forgot Bound, that cool lesbian movie

  • Uncle Dan

    And this despite almost every Tom Cruise character being the same, hahaha.

  • Sully

    Thank the Evans you specified which Bound you were talking about.

    http://www.fullmovie2k.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Bound-2015.jpg

  • Palpatine

    Any movie with lesbians in it is automatically cool in my book.

  • Sully

    “Shaving his beard” does sound like gay code for “dumping his girlfriend.” We may be on to something.

  • Uncle Dan

    That’s about all I took from Mulholland Drive.

  • Adzl33t

    Already a porn spoof?

  • Michael Collins

    Yay, they got off the bottom of the lake..

  • Fred Frink

    shit shit shit. its all shit

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Domo, Corpse said it had nothing to do with you. To quote, “it had nothing to do with Domo, i love and respect her and took her advice as she intended.” 🙂

  • Mark Bisone
  • GeneralGrievance

    i can’t watch the rest of the battlefield earth review…sorry, too much of a waste of time to even watch the Half In The Bag crew make fun of it

  • GeneralGrievance

    V For Vendetta was good from the Wachowskis…pretty courageous politically and great performance by Hugo Weaving

  • quick_moranis

    I don’t get the Kunis love. She was cute as Jackie, but never really impressive as an actress. Even in Black Swan was okay, but nothing special.

  • Mark Bisone

    Of course it does! Do you even Science, bro?

    Or sis?

    Cis?

    Tshi.

  • Michael Collins

    He was banned for trolling.

  • HeySwanSong

    Good movie, I agree. They adapted it from another source and didn’t direct it, which was a good mix for making it more comprehensible than there usual fare.

  • That movie sucked ass. I don’t care how many highschool shop kids disagree. Fuck that film…hard. With something rusty.

  • Kallyfudge .

    That was great cheers RLM! I think if you wanted this to work though you should have drilled a hole in the roof in line with the centre of mass of the house. Mr P could fart into it such that a bubble was formed outside of the house with no lateral stress on the flimsy balloon fabric (causing it to rip) and may well have aided your ass-scent to sea level. By inflating the balloon inside the house you would just increase the air pressure as if Mr P had farted without a balloon, potentially causing a blow out. of course you could subtract the difference in volume compared to the decrease in volume of Mr P himself but It would still have led to a increase in outward pressure on the house without an increase in volume (looking at those solid walls). This is why I would always recommend lining the bubble such that the centre of lift is in line with the centre of mass of the house, ass-uming of course that you can make such a-hole in the roof without letting water in.. If you do go for this approach then you should be aware that the house will still be underwater, and egress would require exiting through an upper storey of the tallest window as the house will be hanging underneath the balloon and therefore underwater. Id beware of the pressure of water from outside the house it may be necessary to wait until the inward pressure is more balanced before you attempt to pass through through any exit you may have made.

  • z7gizzyz7 .

    We need Battlefield Earth commentary track!!!

  • damagedcrow

    mila kooties

  • Sully

    Eye C wut u did thur.

  • Yeah, I liked that one.

  • CyborgUnicorn

    Cloud Atlas took me a couple viewings, but yeah it’s good, reminds me of Metal Hurlant. Spoilers, Tom Hanks kills a man, throwing him off a balcony, until he goes splat. Its just what my life needed.

  • And not just because Gina Gershaun *beep*s Jennifer Tilly’s *beep* with her *beep*ing *beep* all the *beep*ing live long *beep*.

  • CyborgUnicorn

    Another great video RLM, though I wish you could have topped it off with Highlander 2, another “notoriously bad movie” with a lot of laughs and crazy action.

  • damagedcrow

    so everybody says but it aint all bad

  • CyborgUnicorn

    I think its underrated, but also understand why it turned people off. The new mythology could be pretty epic if it made a little more sense.

  • damagedcrow

    it was a movie simply to bring sean connery back and they did that and as soon as he dies the series did too

  • damagedcrow

    mine too

  • CyborgUnicorn

    and Speed Racer!

  • omgnoway

    Hey give Kunis a break, not only was she probably pregnant and going through women hormones, but she’s also married to Ashton Kutcher. AND she has his spawn in her. AND she probably thought she was on the set of Hunger Games 4. And did I mention Ashton Kutcher? Also, Speed Racer was da bomb.

  • Sully

    Coming soon to a Disney Theme Park near you!

  • atheistconservative

    I’ll be downvoted to hell and have snarky things said about me, but it has to be said: transgenderism (or body dismorphic disorder in general) is a mental disorder. You wouldn’t be surprised that the Wachowski brothers are incapable of making a good movie if we accepted the obvious signs of their lost sanity.

    We’re supposed to all join the realm of insanity and call him a ‘her’ because he lopped off his dick … and we wonder why everything is falling apart.

  • Sully

    Truly, any of the Highlander films would’ve sufficed.

  • Sully

    But what about E V E R Y fucking thing else she’s been in… during her career…. ever…. in her whole life?

  • jrich

    like most I watched this video pantless

  • Sully

    Transgender people aren’t why everything is falling apart. Abrahamism and science denying motherfuckers is why everything is falling apart.

  • Chris Webb

    I fucking hate Geiko commercials

  • Sully

    You have a tail, too!

  • atheistconservative

    In what way are these mythical ‘science denying people’ (by which you undoubtedly mean “people who interpret data in equally meaningful and reasonable ways as you but have the temerity to come to a differing conclusion”) harming the world?

    And Abraham Lincoln was awesome.

  • CyborgUnicorn

    But Highlander 2 the only one with people flying, laser guns, and depending on the version, space travel. And the sky is dark, similar to the Matrix.

  • damagedcrow

    true and that bit sux but ya cant deny when sean connery says ”hit it dude” that it doesnt become rather awesome

  • CyborgUnicorn

    I saw a movie written by, and starring a man with cerebral palsy once. and it was a hell of a movie. There was even a sex scene.

  • Having a mental disorder doesn’t place you above criticism, nobody pretends to like Vincent Gallo flicks.

  • atheistconservative

    I think it depends upon the nature of the mental disorder. Everyone celebrates the self-mutilators. Few celebrate the pyromaniac.

  • damagedcrow

    but when ya think about it jupiter ascending is a transgender story a girl transgendering from a toilet cleaner to a queen

  • CyborgUnicorn

    Spoiler, she goes back to cleaning toilets at the end.

  • atheistconservative

    Ah, like Mr. Garrison.

  • Yeah, cus everyone’s a huge fan of Chaz Bono right?

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    CONTENT! Redlettermedia content! It’s Redlettermedia content, oh my god! Oh god, I gotta play with my Rich Evans toys!

  • atheistconservative

    Is that a serious question? Chastity Bono was quite celebrated for her ‘courage’ in seeking out an addadicktome. And semi-respected information holes like Wikipedia actually insist you call her “Chaz”.

    This society has lost its fucking mind.

  • atheistconservative

    Actually, I have to say something about your Abrahamism slight: even as an atheist I’m not so biased against religion that I cannot see their benefits, or make logical distinctions between them.

    If you really think all Abrahamic religions – some of which built the entire world around you – are holding us back, and not one PARTICULAR Abrahamic religion that is quite explicit about its horrid medieval ends … HILLARY 2016!

  • damagedcrow

    and jupiter jones was all like ”but i’ve always wanted to fuck a dog”

  • Joe Syxpac

    Sully watched this video panting.

  • Wikipedia and clickbaitopinon.com are not “everyone”. Yeah there are always going to be people with access to a megaphone with opinions that differ from yours. The trick is to not take it all as an attack on you or the “culture” you’ve chosen to identify with. You are much more a product of “society” than it is of your beliefs and wills. Grow up man.

  • Sully

    You mean the Christians that have been burning villagers in Africa over the past few years, don’t you? Yeah, they’re some of the worst.

    Or maybe you mean the Jews that starve and murder Palestinians?

    Or maybe it’s Islam and their head lopping campaigns?

    I dunno. They’re all so different in their horrid medieval ends, I don’t know which you mean.

  • Sully

    Sure Abraham Lincoln was awesome. He’s one of the best Liberal Presidents we’ve ever had.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Seconded.

  • damagedcrow

    ahh religion aint all bad it makes for some epic heavy metal lyrics

  • Joe Syxpac

    A gender swap meet is the greatest idea ever!

    Everyone bring your gender and we’ll all try em on!

  • Sully

    This is true.

  • Sully

    That’s fine. Just wash yer hands when you’re done.

  • Ugh, this again? “religion is responsible for mans inhumanity to man”? really?

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    Mike actually praised her performance in black goose, saying she deserved the oscar over natalie’s port…man.

  • Sully

    No, but it’s man’s greatest inspiration… ironically enough.

    I’ll admit that I bash religions fairly regularly, but in truth it isn’t religion’s fault as much as it is a lack of reading comprehension skills… or just a lack of common sense in general.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    Mike looks exceptionally comely.

  • Annon Mous

    So you are saying that chopping your nuts off and putting on a dress doesn’t make the pain go away?

  • Sully

    It’s been 13 years since Pluto Nash graced cinema screens across the world, and I’ve managed to maintain my virginity in regards to its awfulness. Granted I’ve had to kill 36 people to sustain this record, but I do believe it’s been worth it.

  • Kinda doubt that, I figure we’d all find something to kill and squabble over, I’m of the mind that that sense of destruction for the ends of building something of ones own goes to the very nature of, well, nature. I believe that violence is inherent in the system.

  • Annon Mous

    it doesn’t really get more science denying than transgender

  • damagedcrow

    i need to eat oh look there’s a chicken *kill

  • This was a very uplifting episode

    ha… ha ha… ha…. hah…..

  • huh huh huh, you said “come”.

  • Percy Gryce

    Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

  • There’s some lovely filth down ‘ere!

  • Percy Gryce

    Mike’s memory lapse made me larf.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    kinda the point bud!

  • Percy Gryce

    He looked thinner to me. Is he losing weight through all that “hard work” on the notional Space Cop?

  • JAYptier MIKEing….

    … yes I’m drunk, what of it?!

  • Dennis is one of the most important philosophers of all time.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    Well he’s beautiful at any size, but yeah, either hard work or lean times in the RLM household. All that Patreon money wasted on whores and whiskey.

  • Annon Mous

    Is it just me or is it tinted purple? They look like smurfs or something

  • Sully

    There is definitely a trend towards violence in more theocratic nations as opposed to more “spiritual” and/or atheist-filled ones, especially in countries with religions that promise glory and praise for “dealing with non-beliebers.”

    Personally, I like J.C.’s approach, and I’m paraphrasing here…

    “Lock yo’ ass up in ya own goddamn house, and do yo praying in there. Don’t be going to no houses of tha lawd, where all the corrupt and hypocritical motherfuckers be hangin’! SHIT!” – Matthew 6:5-6:6

  • DemiMOAR

    “Magic Mike is a good movie”

    Is he serious?

  • Annon Mous

    She has a voice that makes you want to hatef*ck her

    Some guys are into that kind of thing

  • Sully

    It’s all a matter of perspective, especially considering the science involved.

  • Sully

    Mike Stoklasa… confirmed for Jay?!

  • There’s only one Magic Mike for me.

    Jay.

  • damagedcrow

    mike stoklasa IS magic mike

  • Annon Mous

    Not really
    Unless you think Hitler’s scientists were really onto something because that’s who came up with it.
    Although I suppose castrating gay men has been around for a while. Usually they aren’t able to convince them to do it themselves.

  • Sully

    Maybe the penis pump scene was a cameo.

    **someone told me about that scene. I’ve never actually watched the movie… I swear. But if I did, and I’m not saying I did, it would totally be for topless Olivia Munn at the 1:45 mark.

  • damagedcrow

    o olivia mm mun

  • Sully

    Castration and Gender Reassignment surgery is not the same thing.

  • damagedcrow

    yah one cuts it off and the other sews it back on

  • Sully

    You, I, and Jay both… er… throth?
    Point is, we all laughed, cause Mike = Comedy

  • Sully

    Nope. It doesn’t get cut off. If I remember correctly, it gets long quartered like a banana peel and shoved inside… AKA Something I never want to happen to me!

  • damagedcrow

    ooof,,, you just put me off my breakfast

  • Sully

    3th’ed…ed

  • damagedcrow

    now that shit takes commitment

  • Sully

    Well, you shouldn’t be eating dick for breakfast anyway.

  • damagedcrow

    i walked in to that

  • BlowingBubbles

    I’m not trying to be a dick when I say this, and I mean no offense to Jack, but Jay’s editing style is vastly superior to his. It’s one of the reasons I’m not that into Pre-Rec. The editing in this episode accounts for like 75% of the laughs. It’s great!

  • Mark Bisone

    But what does this have to do with making films?

    I think most of us could at least agree to disagree about the “science” of body modification/ genital mutilation. But even if Larry Wachowski really did lose his damned mind after The Matrix, that’s no excuse for his turgid, awful storytelling. There have been a great many artists from the Renaissance onwards who were a couple of cans short of a six pack, but who nevertheless produced compelling art. Frankly, it would be easier to list the sane ones.

    As far as I know, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg still have their wangers and sanity intact, and they’ve been shitting the bed artistically too.

  • damagedcrow

    because making films comes from stories initially and usually a work of art is more a self portrait of the artist

  • BlowingBubbles

    “If you really think all Abrahamic religions – some of which built the entire world around you”

    What? When the fuck did this happen? I don’t remember the Pope saying “We should start researching new ways to produce electricity so that we don’t have to use candles anymore”. In fact, I seem to recall them getting pretty pissed when certain people suggested the Earth was NOT the center of the solar system.

    So you know, next time you make an argument… try using facts. They’re pretty good!

  • Mark Bisone

    So what? A self portrait of a confused, flailing, disturbed person can sometimes be compelling, and other times be dull and lame.

  • Annon Mous

    Right…the nazis came up with the “final solution” for gay people.
    You can’t just remove the nuts you have to create a fake vagina in it’s place if you really want to turn them ungay

  • Sully

    SHOTS FIRED!!! CALL YO’ FRIENDS, CALL YO’ NEIGHBORS! WE MEETIN’ UP AT DA STUDIO! THREE EVENTS, TWO EDITORS, ONE NIGHT….

    E D I T

    W A R S ! ! !

    http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/276/747/bf9.gif

  • damagedcrow

    so on some level lana probably sees herself as jupiter i would guess…

  • Mark Bisone

    Wait… have you seen this new “Jupiter” film, yet? I haven’t, and I doubt I will. I’m just talking about their other hackfraud flop-fests over the years.

  • BlowingBubbles

    I would totally tie her up in my basement. Yeah, she seems nice.

  • Annon Mous

    The nuts are cut off
    The penis is “inverted”

  • Sully

    You have a lot of reading to do.

  • Annon Mous

    Seems kind of final

    And btw I actually know all about it, wrote a huge paper on the subject in college. It’s not pretty

  • BlowingBubbles

    Did you get like a G Minus on it? Because based on your posts you seem to know dick about it. (No pun intended)

  • damagedcrow

    i think you speak for most ppl there i doubt anybody really wants to see it unless they get off on bad movies

  • Sully

    Fox lipstick okay with you?

  • damagedcrow

    i would agree if you allow that one flew over the cuckoos nest is a self portrait, the novel pretty much is

  • Mark Bisone

    For the answer, just look at what’s wrong with my face!

  • Thank you guys for watching Battlefield Earth. It’s one of my favorite bad-good movies.

  • Sully

    I wish they’d review more of those kinds of movies.

  • Mark Bisone

    I don’t know that it’s bad. I just assume it’s bad, based on historical evidence and my own curvy, wizened brain goo. Certainly doesn’t appear to be a movie I’d blow twenty bucks on.

  • damagedcrow

    wisely said

  • Mark Bisone

    BTW, a lot of us here do get off on bad movies. I’m just not sure if “Jupiter Rising” will be bad enough to make the grade. I fear the high production value will kill the charm of sublime failure and unintended comedy that I adore.

  • DanceOfBirther

    What about Leonard: Part 6?

  • damagedcrow

    there’s a fine line between funny bad and bad bad… and youre right though you have to actually see it if youre willing to find out

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I stopped watching my porn for this.

  • Mark Bisone

    As long as it isn’t boring. Boring is the worst movie sin.

    It sounds boring, though.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Someone think of a ship name!

  • damagedcrow

    agreed i can’t stand boring movies

  • DanceOfBirther

    7/7 was an inside job!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mike referenced Star Trek V. Isn’t that illegal?

  • damagedcrow

    ya know that movie aint all bad in fact it has my fav moment of any star trek in it

  • Showbiz Pizza Bear

    There’s nothing to eat at the bottom of Lake Michigan, except old tires.
    And beans.

  • omitted

    It’s my favorite source of protein.

  • array528

    Where is the new BOTW you HACK-FRAUDs!!!!!

  • jimmy

    Why must there be an anti-trans wank in every discussion remotely regarding Wachowskis? Kinda makes me wildly uncomfortable, to be perfectly honest, and I’m not even trans.

  • LameSame

    It’s because they’re at the bottom of Lake Michigan you… FUCK!

  • omitted

    Is that a vagina joke?

  • damagedcrow

    so by pointing out the discussion you invoke further discussion as a means of ending the discussion

  • LameSame

    Trans…ylvania!!! OooOOooOOOoOoOOoo!!!

  • Anders Hass

    I do also like her in That 70’s show

  • Evertale

    Give ’em a taste of the engine!

  • BlowingBubbles

    Trans Wank sounds like an awesome gay bar in San Francisco.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Hm, all of my friends live a ways away now. So how about alone and with a ridiculous amount of alcohol?

  • TapewormBike

    It pisses me right off, honestly.

  • BlowingBubbles

    Oh my gaadddddd. You lied to us.

  • TapewormBike

    Already did it. Deal with it, Bubbly.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    (throws up in mouth a little) We’ll see…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Huh… I hadn’t even been aware of the trans-dynamic of the Wachowski siblings til just now. But I’ll avoid stirring the pot any further.

  • damagedcrow

    its a pc world these days dont forget

  • BlowingBubbles

    YEAH! PC master race. Fuck the Xbox!

  • TapewormBike

    Holy shit, did you know that Bryan Singer is gay? I do not approve of his life choices. Explains why Superman Returns sucks. Duh.

  • I’d argue the same danger rests in any ideology, but I appreciate you being able to debate this sanely.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It’s better than it ought to be probably. But at the same time, I think it coasts a lot on its washed-out palette and somber style of cinematography for credibility.
    I still want to punch Alex Pettyfer in the face every time I see him, but he basically plays a twerp in that movie so it’s all good…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Unless I think someone is being explicitly bullied, I try to stay clear of all MRA v. SJW fights at extreme-polarities. I hear enough of that caterwauling in the video game world.

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    5th’ed.

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah, but the thing is that Lana is not pushing her private life on anybody, you said yourself you had no idea until now. Why explicitly go after what must make someone extremely self-conscious..

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Consoles! Yayyy!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I haven’t seen the conversations about it here. I was just explaining why I’m inclined to not stir pots, generally speaking.

  • Mike says: bitches, larer claims is not sexist. Oh Mike. :3

  • TapewormBike

    I got that, I was making a general point, not saying anything against you. Nice hat btw.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    WROOOOOOOOONG!!!!!!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Thank you! It’s new!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Why? Can’t you wank to this?!

  • damagedcrow

    i know i am

  • damagedcrow

    because humor is a way of people coming to terms with things, see people have this false impression that humor equates to being hateful, which is so not true, humor is a way of seeking out how somebody else feels about something serious, without being serious,

  • TapewormBike

    I make a bijillion gay jokes on here. I am not saying not to have fun or be jokey, and btw, I have not seen the episode yet, whatever Mike and Jay say, I am 100% sure that there is nothing malicious about it. I was pointing to some people in this thread, who I certainly did not find funny.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Alright, I’m pretty sorry to have scrolled down now… haa. I’ll just stay up here at the top, where it’s relatively civilized. /loosens collar

  • TapewormBike

    Told ya.

  • TapewormBike

    How about we talk about moopies on here?

  • damagedcrow

    i know

  • TapewormBike

    Ah, so I was the Leia of the conversation.

  • damagedcrow

    nothing wrong with that lol

  • bb-15

    Battlefield Earth and fart jokes. Seems appropriate.

  • Mick Travis

    When I first saw THE MATRIX, I had no idea what the big deal was, probably because I saw it over a year after it left theaters due to being stationed overseas and by the time I watched it, I was certainly entertained but also said, whatever. I liked V FOR VENDETTA and CLOUD ATLAS just fine too, but it amazes me that the Wachowski’s best film is NEVER talked about it and that would be their first: BOUND (1996) where Joey Pants plays a gangster, Jennifer Tilly is his moll and Gina Gershon plays the handywoman whom Tilly gleefully seduces into making off with Pants’ blood money. The lesbian scenes between Tilly and Gershon are probably the most steamy of their kind I’ve ever seen, and it’s cool that the Wachowski’s brought onboard an advisor (lesbian erotica author Susie Bright) to assist. Those scenes alone are better than anything in THE MATRIX. Admit it, people: wouldn’t you all rather see Tilly & Gershon wildly fuck onscreen and confront Joey Pants then a bunch of philosophical bullshit made famous by a “bullet time” gimmick? That’s what I thought!

  • Mick Travis

    Still better than MAN OF SHIT, sorry. SUPERMAN IV maybe the worst of all of the films but at least that film was short and funny and had Superman as the boy scout we love rather than some brooding asshole who doesn’t do anything heroic.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    He gets away with everything, because of the Disney eyes. Damn those long eyelashes!

  • Jonathan Blanton

    It seemed like the Wachowski brothers were on track to becoming the next Coen brothers, but mixed their philosophy with cool action and awesome visuals. Now it looks like they’re trying to hone their inner Greg and Colin Strause.

  • bound is far and away their best, followed by the rediculous, but still thoughtful and entertain Cloud Atlas. The Matrix is their most accessible and therefor their most popular and most debated. V for Vendetta was a pile of trash.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think I saw it the other day in the Castro. (But they never let me play in their reindeer games over there. Wahh~)

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    1 new + 1 old IS kinda fun.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    As long as you’re not being a mean penis.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think both Limitless and In Time are incredibly dumb and poorly made films but sadly not in a way that is enjoyable for a ‘so bad it’s good’ audience.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Giving myself two-thumbs-up. :X

  • TapewormBike

    John Turturro would make a good Neo.

  • TapewormBike

    Pfft, I was into your comments before you.

  • Mick Travis

    Thank you! BOUND is so awesome and so underrated and while the lesbian scenes are the highlights, it’s still the directors’ finest film in terms of plot, performance and construction. (Raises beer.) For you, sir…although I still had fun with V FOR VENDETTA, even if it didn’t please everyone.

  • damagedcrow

    to lesbians *chinks glasses

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Don’t be such a ME-hipster. 😮

  • TapewormBike

    Stop labeling me!

  • Mick Travis

    I’m 100% straight, and I’m with Mike all the way (pun intended) with his assessment. There’s a reason why Matthew McConaughey won 4 awards for that performance and Channing Tatum (whose early years pre-Hollywood) the film was based on, was actually really good. And there’s a sequel coming out soon.

    That being said, I’d still rather watch Jennifer Tilly & Gina Gershon fuck like rabbits in the Waschowskis’ BOUND.

  • damagedcrow

    im like so gonna find this movie now 😛

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    But I’m a compulsive organizer!!

  • Mick Travis

    Which one? 🙂 Fuck it, make it a double feature!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That’s racist… 😮

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He changed his mind after seeing her in Friends With Benefits.

    http://i.imgur.com/TRr4RjB.gif

  • TapewormBike

    I mean, V for Vendetta was produced by them. We don’t blame Spielberg for Transformers.

  • damagedcrow

    im a bad bad man 😛

  • damagedcrow

    im there

  • Mick Travis

    Oh, yes, thank you: I completely forgot is directed by some guy who was an assistant on the THE MATRIX and….STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES.

  • TapewormBike

    It did suck though.

  • Mick Travis

    Pettyfer is an Abercrombie & Fitch model, not an actor. I will never see him again after the godawful ENDLESS LOVE, which I only saw because the book is my absolute favorite of all the ones I’ve read (and I have a degree in English Lit).

  • BlowingBubbles

    Yeah, did you see him in Transformers? Fucking Oscar bait.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Well, at least you know what you like.

  • damagedcrow

    there was a scene in that movie where superman was in handcuffs, that should have been the end of the movie

  • TapewormBike

    I am sure, they would let you, you just can’t pussy out.

  • Mick Travis

    The scene which outright offended me, and Mike & Jay didn’t mention in there review was the one near the end when the Daily Planet secretary said to Fishburne, “Well, he’s kind of hot.” Ohhhh…we have to root for this asshole alien who senselessly allowed millions to die by Zod’s destruction because he’s…HOT?!? At that moment, I just yelled FUCK YOU! at the screen and walked out.

  • damagedcrow

    between him and his alien father, they are just as bad as the villains, they all contributed to the destruction on some level, the only good people in that movie were running for their lives, because superman and the alien were knocking down the buildings, and if she finds that hot, she should be locked up too

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    What didn’t you like about V for Vendetta? It wasn’t great, sure, but it was not horrendous either, if I remember correctly.

  • TapewormBike

    As a movie, but it sorta (a lot) missed the point of the comic. Yeah, I am that guy with this.

  • omitted

    Yeah, fuck those gays. Literally.

  • TapewormBike

    Let’s get the party started

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    Huh. Funny thing – when I think about the movie I don’t think about the comic and vice versa. For me, they had a feel different enough for them to be kinda separate. I guess thats why I dont really compare them.

  • TapewormBike

    You certainly are the happier of the two of us.

  • omitted

    Okay, my friend will be here in a couple of hours and I still have some cleaning up to do. Note to self: don’t let cum stains dry up like that in the future. Unfortunately I have to shut down this brower window and cover you up like the dirty little secret you are. So I bid you adieu for a few days and wish you all a very nice Valentine’s, regardless of your gender, sexual orientation or relationship status. May your love be a bit less unrequited than mine. See you on the flipside! (Sunday evening, probably)

  • TapewormBike

    I love you, dude. No homo.

  • damagedcrow

    chicks say that to me all the time, what can i say, it’s a tuff life

  • Mick Travis

    Exactly! I think that’s why DC fanboys (not to side with Marvel, but they arguably make better movies), love the movie so much: they think Kal-el is HOT!!!!!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Have a safe Valentine’s Day. (And scrub those stains!)

  • tOmy`

    The queen is back!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Hey, I’m no Brit-Brit.

  • omitted

    *cops a feel during the hug*

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Drag queen? :p

  • omitted

    Yes, ma’am. *goes back to scrubbing*

  • TapewormBike

    You earned a bit of the ole grope.

  • damagedcrow

    oh god, lets not go there again lol

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You’re THIS close to losing your no-homo badge, Tapes.

  • craptonium

    It seems Jupiter Ascending is really pushing the limits. It’s making Twilight and Batman & Robin look good and non-cringe-inducing in comparison.
    Might as well have added Naruto shit into the movie, if it doesn’t have it already.

  • TapewormBike

    Do I have to give back my no-homo gun as well?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    These are all distinct categories!

  • omitted

    I’ll let you rule in my absence, but be ready to fight for that title come Sunday.

  • tOmy`

    Enjoy your weekend. Heard it’s gonna be Valentine’, which is somewhat depressing, because I have been already drinking heavily during the ski trip. Now this self-loathing day?

    *sigh*

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Yes, but you get a shiney-new glittery one to replace it.

  • tOmy`

    How does a “hawt cheerleader who is down to fuck” fit in any of these two?

  • TapewormBike

    Fabulous!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That would require some investigation under the uniform… I am not volunteering.

  • tOmy`

    And until then, my internet persona stays strong.

    All hail the cheerleader!

    #yOlo

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It certainly is!

  • Sully

    Just lure some homeless people back to your home. It’s surprisingly easy…. especially if you already have the liquor.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Catfish. :0 /shiver

  • Mike is the next Disney princess. http://i.imgur.com/CZOHFfk.jpg

  • BlowingBubbles

    What kinda woman are you? I hope you’re at least cleaning those pots.

  • Sully

    Banana peeled, whole, or do you just eat it like an eclair by suck— Nevermind.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Rapping Natalie Portman.

  • TapewormBike

    You rascalette.

  • sepiajack

    An excellent HitB. I think Mke & Jay’s greatest strength as reviewers (aside from how funny they are) is their ability to avoid hyperbole and see both the strengths and weaknesses of any given film. too much of our world and especially the internet these days is everyone to the farther extreme, a movie can only be perfect or is total crap with no spectrum in between.

    I’m glad to they acknowledged that Jupiter Ascending at least aspires to try to be something new and not just a remake/reboot/sequel

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh thanks. Now he’s staring at me from dark corners of my room. 😐
    I’m going to have to pull the covers all the way up to my nose tonight…

  • sepiajack

    I had mixed feelings about Cloud Atlas when I saw it, it’s not wholly successful, but it reaches very very high. But I have to say I’m still thinking about that movie over a year later, and all the stuff dealing with the girls in future asia genetically engineered to be waitresses really unsettled me.

  • dextromethorphan

    I remember watching Battlefield Earth a few years after it was universally panned and I never understood what was so egregiously bad about it. It’s basically exactly the way Jay and Mike described it – an occasionally funny, absurd and delightfully mind numbing C grade sci-fi schlock.

    I suppose it got most of its bad rap because of Scientology and I guess it can’t be helped – I doubt this film would’ve been made otherwise (then again…), but now that it’s been out there for years, yeah, it’s basically one of those bad films that can actually be enjoyed on some level. It most certainly wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be.

  • TapewormBike

    I agree, although some people tend to mistake the hyperbole that happens outside the reviews as part of it.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That, and the make-out session (complete with idiotic banter) on top of a mass-fucking-graveyard of city-rubble both make me want to vomit hate every time I watch it. Yep. You really understand women, dummies.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Technically that was a female military subordinate, talking to a General actually. Even better, right??

  • damagedcrow

    you know what they say, it’s all downhill after the first kiss

  • TapewormBike

    Dude’s cute, why not get some action above 9/11 scene?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    YOU SHALL DIE NOW!

  • damagedcrow

    it is the worst movie ever made by a human being sorry george lucas you’ve been topped buddy hack snyder wins hands down

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Lois Lane can take that and her completely out-of-place dick-measuring quips back to her home on whore island!
    Fecking cat in heat…

  • Percy Gryce

    Wasted? Why the hell else are we all sending them all that money anyway?

  • Red Skeleton

    So this episode is Mike’s Valentines Day gift to Jessi “I love fart jokes” Nankles, then?

  • Fartastic

    Movie idea: 50000000 shards of grey

  • Percy Gryce

    Very well put–or, as they say in the vernacular, tru dat.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It drove me crazy that they have him save Lois like 4 times in one film, considering ALL the other people he lets die on his watch. That is not romantic, or touching, or heroic movie… That is a FAILURE of a hero with seriously misplaced priorities.

  • Ah, The Fifth Element. Let me tell you, Germany fucking *loves* The Fifth Element. I’ve probably seen the movie at least three times as a kid. It seems like the movie runs at least once a year on public television, and it’s been like that for at least a decade.
    Also, Sin City, but to a lesser extent I think.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Ug, the logic of Jor-El. I just shouldn’t even start– I’m going into full-on rage mode here… Breathe, little nerdlet, breathe…

  • damagedcrow

    yah he is kissing lois lane on top of dead bodies (as you said),,, i would add.. if that isnt the worst what is

  • damagedcrow

    haha yeah it is that bad beyond bad

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Into the Wild was the first movie that made me realize my changing attitudes on life as I got older.

    Watched it when it first came out, and younger me thought “Awww, what a sweet guy trying to make the world a better place.” Older me? “What a selfish fucking asshole who makes all those who care about him miserable.”

  • Sam

    I will never get sick of the Fifth Element. I love that movie so god damn much. It’s weird and goofy and I love every second of it. One of the few examples in the last 2 decades of a film maker actually having fun with a sci-fi concept.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It was a solid try. Even if it didn’t fully gel, it’s nowt to sneer at.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It’s an oh-so goofy film… but I genuinely love that shot of the scientist as the lighting suddenly switches to blue.

  • damagedcrow

    pretty hard to go wrong with bruce willis back in the day really..

  • Sam

    Are…are… are you Cherrrr-mun?

  • Joe

    Well said.

    There are plenty places to see links about “the worst/best most amazing thing you won’t believe!!!!!” it’s better if your reviews are measured because then when you are joking about a movies flaws it’s more funny because you know the criticisms are sincere and not just hyperbole for clickbait’s sake.

  • Uncle Dan

    I rewatched The Matrix because of this. That movie still holds up really well on a lot of levels. There’s a bunch of philosiphising that made me as a teenager think it was awesome, but it wasn’t so in your face about it and was propped up by an otherwise very straightforward “hero rises to the occasion” script. Great action setpieces and visual effects to sell the story and the world make it work.

    It feels like where they went wrong was in listening to the priase, which focused entirely on the special effects and philosiphising. They probably thought “Holy shit, what do we do now? Uh… let’s make him Jesus!”

  • damagedcrow

    wouldve been better if keanu wasnt so serious he found a good middle ground in point break where he still showed he wasnt that smart although in speed he wasnt too bad either but somewhere along the line somebody said to him he should be somebody he simply isnt i hope one day he goes back to his real personality

  • TapewormBike

    It’s always the problem when the sequel is not “more about this story/character”, but “the sequel to that one!” Indy, SW, Terminator….

  • Uncle Dan

    They do talk hyperbole, but mostly just for comedy purposes. Hasn’t Mike said before he thinks that Mila Kunis is a great actress?

  • TapewormBike

    He plays serious as confused, he really should have more fun in roles.

  • Strand

    Jay’s so fuckable right now.

  • RalphCifaretto

    Just an off topic question. Does it help these guys more if I watch their videos on youtube or right on their website? Anyone know? I guess I could do both, but I don’t know if they get more money from ads on youtube or clicks on their website. I try my best to support these guys and am thinking about supporting them on patreon.

  • sepiajack

    yes. And i think above and beyond anything else Mike and Jay are aiming to be funny, so that plays into it. But I’ve always seen HitB / Plinkett reviews are as much a criticism of internet fanboy hyperbole as they are of the movies themselves. The Star Trek 09 plinklett review is especially good for this.

  • Uncle Dan

    My favourite Keanu role is still probably Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

    While he doesn’t really do much in The Matrix, he’s an audience surrogate so it doesn’t really matter.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Probably here, considering the sheer number of ads they splash all over the site?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If The Wachowskis wanted to make a female ‘fairy tale’ type movie, but be smarter about it, they could have taken inspiration from Cate Blanchett’s Elizabeth.

    It shows a girl who’s thrown into the worst form of chaotic politics, and walks away a woman. She has a sidekick who helps her, but it’s all behind the scenes so her hands never have to get dirty. The movie ends showing a woman evolve from naive and fragile to someone who’s completely able to handle her shit and that of a country, and can make tough decisions without sacrificing her morals or her dignity.

    From what I’ve read (Spoilers), Jupiter is set with a choice of choosing her family or the entire human race, and ends up with both anyway through killing someone, and there’s so many other people to help her with this that it doesn’t seem like she made the tough choices that make her this Queen worthy of remembrance. It’s just speculation on my part from not seeing the movie, but if the Wachowskis were clever enough for her to out-manuever her ‘siblings’ with none of them having to die to attain what she truly wanted, especially considering she’s this ‘undeveloped earth girl,’ that would’ve been awesome storytelling.

  • Red Skeleton

    Battlefield Earth USED to be the movie I considered the worst ever. It no longer is, for the record, but at the time it held the slot due to the SHEER NUMBER of ways it’s bad. In addition to everything Mike and Jay mentioned it should be noted the film got into shit after it was released because they basically scalped investors (e.g. they asked for 40 million and then shot it on 20, or something), which accounts for the bad effects even by 2000 standards. This was Travolta’s baby and he had a lot of influence over it (though not complete control, like George Lucas and Tommy Wiseau did with their travesties) but even so he clearly wasn’t interested in being told how to run the show.

    The Scientology angle doesn’t mean much in this film other than a few cynical digs as organised religion early on, I would like to point out.

    EVERY SINGLE shot save maybe ONE is a dutch angle.

    Also my favorite line in the film is “I’m going to make you happier than a baby psychlo on a straight diet of kerbango” which basically would be like me saying to my wife “I’m going to make you happier than a baby human on a straight diet of meth.” Creeepyyy…..

  • TapewormBike

    That would be my guess. I bought my gf pjs the other day and the lady in them is still staring at me on here.

  • damagedcrow

    i like bill n ted too.. but i do say it does matter because he was pretty dam good in the beginning and he aint now

  • sepiajack

    One thing I think is really funny about Jupiter Ascending is that it was clearly cast based on the ‘it guy’ and ‘it girl’ at the time it was greenlit, but then it took so long to be made, and even more so to come out since it was pushed back from last July that it just feels a couple years too late to capitalize on the pizazz around their leads

  • Uncle Dan

    Saw this on Humble Bundle:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxlK4LqfOWM

    Interesting on a similar level.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Tee hee, creepy tracking…

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Honestly, Mila makes that movie. Bruce’s role could have been done by so many actors at that time, but Mila Jovovich was truly remarkable in that role.

    Heh, Milas everywhere in this review!

  • sepiajack

    good suggestion

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Oh, that looks wonderful! Thank you for posting it!

  • sepiajack

    I think on here, but I’m not sure. Supporting on Patreon is definitely good!

  • RalphCifaretto

    That’s true, lol. That’s one of those things, though, that websites have value based on traffic, but only realized if they cash in and sell the website.

  • sepiajack

    It also features Tom Hanks waaaaay out of his safe zone which should be commended.

  • RalphCifaretto

    Yeah, I always assumed it was a lot of money, so I never looked it up, but I saw they have different tiers. As much as I watch these guy’s (and gal) videos, I don’t think it’s too much to support them like that. Until they piss me off, anyway!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I’ve read somewhere that there’s a lot of Scientology references in that movie that are only really obvious to a Scientologist. If I find the article, I’ll link it to you.

  • damagedcrow

    but i would say that the movie was written explicitly for him when we see his reactions to her, those lines of dialogue seemed like he personally wrote them and that there is the romantic connection that makes her idiosyncrasies charming rather than not but yeah nobody could do her better

  • RalphCifaretto

    I know beauty is subjective, but I never understood the love of Mila Kunis. She wasn’t even the hottest chick on That 70s Show. And her voice is very whiney.

  • Uncle Dan

    I haven’t seen it since around when it came out, but I thought Superman Returns was okay. Not great, but okay. He gets some character, which is more than most Superman movies, and Kevin Spacey is a joy to watch as always.

    Maybe not the most appropriate *Superman* movie, but not actually terrible.

  • TapewormBike

    I dunno why, but I find her extremely pretty. She also isn’t the “hot chick model 1.2”

  • RalphCifaretto

    That’s not fair. I want them to be overbearingly in your face. I truly want to understand Scientology and find out if it can fixx my life.

  • sepiajack

    I dunno I think the movie captured the comic really well. the changes they made made sense to me. To me Watchmen was a case of a director reallllllly not understanding the point/tone of the subject matter. he just aped the visuals, and admittedly got most of the casting right (except for Ozymandiaz) but fetishized all the violence and completely missed the point of what the comic is about. Where as I feel like V was made with genuine love and admiration for the graphic novel

  • Uncle Dan

    I still haven’t seen Black Swan, but didn’t Mike say she stole that movie with her performance? In a way I feel like I’m still waiting for her to shine.

  • Uncle Dan

    I think you only get that after paying lots of money to the Church of Scientology.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    From what I’ve read, Blip and Youtube give the same or similar amount of pay-per-view to their content providers. This website probably gives a lot more through the “Amazon donation” and clicking ads. I’ll click ads constantly on here, even though I know I’m not buying anything from said site, just so they give money to RLM.

  • sepiajack

    “All those kids looking up to me can suck my [BLEEP], I just want drink til I’m sick!”

  • dextromethorphan

    Nerds probably like her for accepting that sergeant’s invitation to the ball.

  • RalphCifaretto

    What I thought would have been cool, which I thought was where they were going at the end of the second one, is if the “real world” was a Matrix inside the Matrix that none of them had woken up from, yet. The third movie could have had them finally realize that they had never really been outside the Matrix and finally could break free. That seemed to me the only thing that made sense that Neo had his powers outside of it. Oh well. I’ve never seen either sequel more than once. I’ve never seen two movies make me hate the original as much as those two sequels did.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Ashton Kutcher’s acting vibe rubbed off on her. We may never get the Mila Kunis we want.

  • sepiajack

    No I know what you mean Ralph, I always liked the red head from That 70s show. The only movie I’ve ever really found MK charming in was Forgetting Sarah Marshal,

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It’s funny, because the red head is a Scientologist.

    Oh what a small world.

  • dextromethorphan

    You have to get in touch with your inner thetan at a cleansing session. I’m sure they’ll give you a late bloomer discount.

  • TapewormBike

    Well, for Mila it was the acting, what about Demi Moore…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think he can capture a certain zen-quality pretty well, due to his inner vacuousness. It worked for movie 1 Neo.
    But less so, after, when he was having to engage in vocab-battles with parades of pretentious programs, postulating perpetual putrescent pedantic poppycock…
    (Cue the dance beat!:)
    ♫They just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no “One” had a chance to interrupt; it was really quite hypnotic,-notic, -notic, -notic.♫

  • TapewormBike

    V was certainly cast well too.

  • TapewormBike

    I was just doing a thing, I think Superman Returns is OKish.

  • damagedcrow

    sorry man i cant agree with that statement it is terrribleeee lol

  • Uncle Dan

    Terminator 2 was still great. Series kind of took a nose dive after that though, even if T3 isn’t all terrible. It just started getting self-referential.

    Kind of like a TV sitcom which runs for too long and ends up sustaining itself entirely on referencing their earlier jokes.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Water under the bridge. We hugged it out. And we didn’t even need to really hug it out because other things caused his ban, but we hugged it out anyway because hugs.

    Hugs. Hugging corpses. How fun it is to hug a corpse!

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, you thought I was shitting on T2? Oh nonnononononononono

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    She lost her zhush when she went blonde (imo).

  • David Anderson

    Who is Rich Evans?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I wonder if Mike and Jay talked about a Wachowski film to peak our interest for a certain Plinkett review, but I don’t think the Wachowskis had anything to do with Lenny the Wonder Dog.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Who IS Rich Evans?

  • Milton Dammers

    The ending of this video was all ass. And gas.

  • Uncle Dan

    The philosiphising in the first movie actually mostly works for what the movie is trying to be. On rewatching it it feels a little like Morpheus is just being a bit of a drama queen by being unnecessarily cryptic and philosophical, but it’s not actually insulting.

    Everything started getting insulting from that second movie on though. What’s why I think they thought “everyone liked the philosphy in the first movie, let’s do more!”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    She has almost black hair now for Orange is the New Black. All the crazy colors!

  • damagedcrow

    sounds like something walt disney wouldve done considering he knew that old school english/european stories are where its at america really doesnt have much of its own it just takes what it likes and makes it bigger

  • TapewormBike

    I AM RICH EVANS!

  • Fartastic

    When Travolta asked “Do you want lunch?!”, I almost choked on mine.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    He does well in roles where there isn’t much talking. It’s not like he’s a great physical actor like Daniel Craig, but when his mouth is shut, the camera just does wonders for him.

    I really liked him in John Wick. It’s such a simple and silly premise, but he handles action scenes well and does deadpan comedy beautifully.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    He does well in roles where there isn’t much talking. It’s not like he’s a great physical actor like Daniel Craig, but when his mouth is shut, the camera just does wonders for him.

    I really liked him in John Wick. It’s such a simple and silly premise, but he handles action scenes well and does deadpan comedy beautifully.

  • Uncle Dan

    No *I* AM RICH EVANS!

  • Uncle Dan

    No *I* AM RICH EVANS!

  • damagedcrow

    yes totally, because it seems like his only vulnerability now is he is slightly dumber trying to be intelligment but it aint working because that trick never works, he is better when he and we both are allowed to be dumb in an intelligent world

  • ikdks

    Really? So they just went back to Neuromancer and stole another plot?

    In Neuromancer high tec low lifes deal in black market DNA that the rich use to stay young.

    And of course it was the book that invented the whole cyberpunk thing, which the Matrix (along with Shatner and everybody else) ripped off. I think it even coined the term cyberspace.

    William Gibson ought to straight up sue the Wasabi brothers.

  • Uncle Dan

    What has more dutch angles? Battlefield Earth, Thor, or Skull Forest?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The little musical notes don’t do that song justice!

    http://youtu.be/X6oUz1v17Uo?t=1m13s

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    But Rich Evans has never been to Switzerland. You hack fraud!

  • Evans Almighty can be wherever he pleases.

  • CalamityCorp

    Wasn’t Rich Evans a character played by Space Cop?

  • Uncle Dan

    Wherever there are bad movies, there is Rich Evans.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgiAraxPHrQ

  • Perhaps it wasn’t too hard to steal the show when her rival performer was Natalie “Wooden Plank” Portman. And let’s face it, the ballet dancers (aka body doubles) should be the ones getting all the applause. Having said that I still have to say she was pretty good in Black Swan.

  • Spock Interrupted

    I liked him very much in Point Break, Devil’s Advocate and even Speed.
    I think he’s got more range than people usually give him credit for.
    It’s only that it seems that, along the way, he started phoning in his performances.

    It may have got to do with the death of his son and his wife.
    That can take the wind out of anyone’s wings: Rick Moranis stopped making movies after his wife died, for example.

    Just don’t ask Keanu to do an english accent.

  • Milton Dammers

    Did Mike script the ending as a Valentine’s Day treat for Jessi?

  • Fartastic

    Fun fact: In order to gain the knowledge of and believably portray deep psychic derangement and the consequences of drug abuse, Mila Kunis dated Macauly Culkin for several years, thereby earning a reputation as a sophisticated method actress.

  • Spock Interrupted

    I enjoyed Battlefield Earth when I saw it.
    Heck, even bought the DVD.

    Although I thought, at the time, Travolta was very self-aware that he was making a schlock B-movie, hence the overacting.

    Much later, I was surprised to see that people took Battlefield Earth seriously, and panned it because of that.
    Did Travolta take it seriously too??

  • damagedcrow

    ahh thats why she looks baked in this movie then

  • damagedcrow

    i think he can only take something so seriously like his default for seriousness is a few pegs short of the normal person even as a hit man in pulp he had to dance it off or he might just explode

  • RalphCifaretto

    I liked the sister better, too.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    They’re not lazy, they’re drunk!

  • Now I Get It

    Are you still fucking here?

  • Spock Interrupted

    Ok, good point 🙂

    I’ll still have Battlefield Earth right next to Death Race 2000.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Funny how two stunt doubles from the matrix made a better movie then wachowski’s with only a fraction of their budget.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Y’know, part of it is probably his voice. He’s done Shakespeare and other stuff (Like Dracula, as you mentioned), but he’s got that Canadian surfer dude accent going on that he just isn’t able to shake.

  • ikdks

    I love Battlefield Earth!

    You hear stories about how the production was falling apart while they were shooting, and they had to go back and redesign costumes and rewrite dialogue.

    I think it clear that somewhere in all that mess they just said fuck it and started having fun with it. I love the scene where all the middle manager aliens are sitting in a bar, drinking that glowing liquor bitching about their bosses.

    It also has one of my favorite hack movie devices…Reverse the Access Code (its so simple it just might work). That plot device is so dumb, but they’ve been using it for decades.

    Oh, and psychlo is a reference to L Ron’s weird vendetta against shrinks.

  • TapewormBike

    I am still depressed though. There’s that.

  • ikdks

    He started off trying to do it seriously, but they clearly couldn’t make it work and just decided to camped it up.

  • Red Skeleton

    I think as a ratio Battlefield earth wins since literally every frame is so dense is at a dutch angle (bar one, supposedly). There’s even a point when the Psychlos are looking at Johnny in a viewing monitor and the image of Johnny is at a dutch angle INSIDE THE MONITOR (making it a double-dutch angle?)

  • Spock Interrupted

    Well, that makes more sense then. Thanks!
    🙂

  • ikdks

    Who are the RLM sock puppets? Is Rich Evans among us?

    I think Jay might be in here.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The behind the scenes stuff is wonderful. The directors decided “Hey! We’ve never done Jiu Jitsu in a movie action scene as a stunt team. No one does it because they think it looks bad onscreen. Lets do a shit ton of Jiu Jitsu for John Wick’s fight scenes and see if we can make it interesting visually.”

    Great stuff.

  • ikdks

    There’s one of those how it went wrong documentaries. They also did AI and Waterworld.

  • ikdks

    I would argue that Death Race is a good movie, just cheap and weird.

  • damagedcrow

    but i would also say in certain movies he could be one of the best actors ever really

  • Now I Get It

    Have you tried Jerusalem Syndrome?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Would’ve have looked better as a drunk gif. Just saying.

  • Spock Interrupted

    Oh yeah, but I wasn’t putting him down for it.
    Harrison Ford can’t do accents, either, Schwarzenegger can only do one, Stallone won’t win an oscar for best actor any time soon…
    Keanu, who’s not only a better actor, is also a movie star.
    At least in my book, he is.

    And didn’t get further, I think, because of all the sadness around him: his best friend overdosing, wife and kid died, sister with leuchimia, criminal brother…

    Ah, sorry for rambling, it’s just that I like Keanu Reeves.

  • Spock Interrupted

    I agree completely, that was my point. 🙂

  • Spock Interrupted

    Vincent Vega.
    Can’t top that, imo, he was awesome.

  • Spock Interrupted

    Well, thanks again, this time for the heads up.
    I’ll search for it.

  • damagedcrow

    hell yeah

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Jack seriously takes our criticisms of his editing into consideration and considers how he can improve. Jay simply does not give two flying fucks what we think and does what he likes.

    One over thinks the editing process as a result, for all the wrong reasons.

  • Fartastic

    I agree people should be allowed to make their own life choices, but I can’t, I won’t, I must not tolerate certain developments in the society I live in. I do not feel ashamed to proclaim that whenever another mediocre and horribly CGI-ridden Wachowski movie is made, I blame the braindead crowds who were raised on the Transformers movies, and I will not stop mocking those goddamn trannies who are ruining both movie culture and consumer culture in general with their distasteful pastime.
    Seriously, I’d rather have someone cut off my dick and balls than watch more than 15 minutes of any Transformers movie.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Rich Evans will be credited as “That Guy” on the poster, though, so it doesn’t matter either way.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Hey. I just baked cookies. If you lean in close enough to your computer screen, you should be able to smell the chocolatey goodness.

    Hope that helps!

  • tOmy`

    Sold.

    I am watching Matrix tonight.

  • damagedcrow
  • tOmy`

    I saw it rather young in a theater and I remember being sorta confused by the movie. I actually forgot about it till I saw the footage hack frauds showed in the episode.

    Now I am kinda curious, I may give it another go.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “Edge of Tomorrow” everyone loves it, nobody pays to see it. “John Wick” everyone loves it, nobody pays to see it.
    “Dredd” yada, yada.

    “Transformers 4” 1.1 billion worldwide.

  • ikdks
  • Spock Interrupted

    I recommend it, only not in a serious way.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    As long as any actor plays to his or her strengths, they’re a-ok in my book.

    Unless they kill puppies. That Russian Alfie Allen is an asshole.

  • Now I Get It

    Or cookies, if religious psychosis isn’t Tape’s thing. Personally, I find baking to be more work.

  • tOmy`

    I never watch movies in a serious way.

    That is the reason why I always dress like a banana.

  • tOmy`

    Almost anything in that movie is hard to top.

  • Sully

    *Wasabi Siblings

  • Sully

    I’m tempted to get a job at McDonalds just so I can scream that shit in a people’s faces all day long.

  • Sully

    You say, “Who is Rich Evans?”

    I say, “Who isn’t?”

  • Spock Interrupted

    Dad, is that you??

  • Martin Vest

    “and psychlo is a reference to L Ron’s weird vendetta against shrinks.”

    Sadly, people still don’t understand that psychiatry is really a pseudoscience since it has no mechanistic explanations for anything, not to mention how it has a long history of being used as a tool of political oppression.
    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/07/14/newser-mental-illness/12623223/

    All of this has nothing to do with silly scientology.

  • Sully
  • Sully
  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I have the simplest cookie recipe ever. Hardly any work involved!

    Melt 1 stick of butter in the microwave for 1 minute
    Add 1 egg. Stir, whip, stir.
    Add 3/4 cup of light brown sugar. Whip, stir, whip.
    Add 1 1/4 cup of flour. Stir, whip whip, stir.
    Add 1 cup of chocolate chips of your choice, coated in 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract.

    Once your oven is 350 degrees, place your cookies on a wax papered sheet and put in middle rack for 10 minutes. Let em cool on only the wax paper, even if they seem super squishy.

    It’s when you don’t mix all this stuff in a bowl that baking becomes really difficult.

  • ikdks

    There are many mental illnesses that respond well to medication. There are people with debilitating psychological disorders that can live relatively normal lives as a result of modern psychology, people that would be permanently institutionalized without it.

    Just dismissing it because its been abused by some is unfair.

  • tOmy`

    From my own personal experience, having a “buddy” to quickly sort through your shit with, to achieve at least some basic understanding of your problem, it was damn worth it (3 sessions).

    However, I am only speaking about rather bad sleeping disorder / insomnia. But those 3 hours really helped me re-shape, re-focus and re-start in a way, that I would not be able all by myself (Possibly. Maybe I could, but not as fast as this.)

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    No. Nooo.

    That’s not true.

    That’s impossible!

  • dextromethorphan

    I’m sitting here, watching The Godfather and secretly weeping at the state of current cinema and audience expectations.

  • Sully
  • damagedcrow

    considering science in itself can not actually be pseudo because it is a only word that describes a method of deduction at best you could say it is an inconclusive case study

  • Eric Moreland

    Mike is not being sexist? I’m unsubbing…

  • Skygg Lapp

    The realistic physics in the end reminded me of Gravity.

  • RalphCifaretto

    The South Park guys made me WANT to be a Scientologist! Unfortunately, I might not have enough money for them 🙁

  • RalphCifaretto

    What a nice guy!

  • Bill

    Psychology and psychiatry are different things. Just sayin’

  • RalphCifaretto

    Maybe I can start a Kickstarter to become a Tom Cruise level Scientologist. I wonder if anyone’s ever tried that, yet?

  • RalphCifaretto

    I wanted to watch that, but I kind of had it spoiled for me and I don’t want to watch it, now. I’m not sure exactly what happens, but I get the idea…

  • ikdks

    Spell check.

  • TapewormBike

    Actually, it does:)

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    My penis always tells me to do nice things for others. Otherwise, it threatens to leave me in a overly dramatic fashion.

  • damagedcrow

    really,, i wont say what my penis tells me to do ;p

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    How American Beauty of you.

  • Politically correct master race? So what, are you going to start spewing racial slurs using euphemisms? What’s an Xbox? A woman’s stomach after a c-section? YOU RACIST!?

  • Now, to be fair, she is kind of hot. Sexist jokes aside. I completely agree. https://iworldview.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/1370258596_936full-amy-adams.jpg

  • SYPMMS

    I demand that Mike be more sexist next episode to make up for it this time

  • Punkster

    The Best of Terl. w/Nostalgia Critic and Spoony.
    http://youtu.be/RgxBxU9wSP8

  • Sully

    Well, being a fox and all, I also enjoy chasing trashbags caught in the wind around parking lots.

  • Sully

    What day is it?

    W H A T

    D A Y

    I S

    I T ? !

    http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2fhj8IaiC1r279ypo1_250.gif

  • I CAN SEE IT

  • The Loon

    OOHHHHH plot hole!

  • Annon Mous

    why would that make it purple?
    Red is not a color that filters through ocean water very well

  • Annon Mous

    I know more than you I bet…

    And fact one is that men can not be changed into women.

  • Grandpa Seth

    I yearn for the days when a man could eat rats and train on a fighter jet simulator without having a couple FUCKS ruin the experience for me!

    #freemyngaJTravolta

  • damagedcrow

    the word mechanistic implies that something is moving/changing and we see the moving parts, the word explanation means that we understand how/why those parts are moving, the sentence that we have seen the way people have been oppressed by psychiatry/psychology in the past, implies that we can see the moving parts, and in order to use it as a tool, we know why and how those parts move

  • damagedcrow

    well you only got 985 years to wait then

  • Anyone going to see this piece of shit film? http://i.imgur.com/uRdRiyV.jpg

  • Red Skeleton
  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    So I was rewatching… well, everything, and that made me wonder: what non-Plinkett Review jokes were the biggest laughs for you guys?

    Mine are: “She said “that’s a nasty gash” and when they were gonna have sex he said “that’s a nasty gash””, “His loins shoot talent out” and “smoking hot latino”(about a twelve year old girl), all by Mike. And Rich Evans prank calls, obviously.

  • If he did it would only make the whole thing much funnier.

  • Red Skeleton

    Battlieship will sink….. AT THE BOX OFFICE!!

  • Red Skeleton

    Noone! IRONS! A JEAN SKIRT!
    “Oh, she just got her period!”
    “It’s not Red Skeleton, it’s Red Skull, you f***s”

  • Best of the Worst with Freddie Williams 3rd:
    Freddie “We should get insurance from boredom”.
    Rich “Bring out the slide whistle for that one”.

  • Red Skeleton

    Yo Spock, I’m really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but John Travolta made one of the worst movies of all time.
    OF ALL TIME!

  • Oh I get it because you interrupt… yes.

  • I’ve mostly subsisted on just watching clips of Battlefield Earth on Youtube, but you guys got to me. I’m probably gonna buy this now the next time I see it at a dollar store.
    Hell, I paid full price for my DVD of the Room and…Birdemic…so why not add it to the collection?

  • “They call her ol’ camel-feet.”

  • Sully

    Omitted will be first, second, and third in line on 12 consecutive nights for that one.

    If you do happen to find yourself at a viewing with him, you might do yourself a favor by dumping out your popcorn, and wearing the bucket on your head as a makeshift umbrella.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Did you know Thomas Edison was the inventor of the fuck saw?

    &

    Transformers: Annie Hall

  • Oh, it’s you, good. Somewhere further down in the comments section there’s a certain task only you can perform. If you feel like it. Something about Mike and Disney princesses.

  • My name is Don Wilson. I run Iowas largest wildlife reserve!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh. No wonder I woke up pissed-off today!

  • Sully

    I’ll look into it and report back.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Be careful. It’s Mike with Disney Eyes.

  • Sully

    Hockey weirdo banging on your front door, too? Fuckin’ sports fanatics. Amiright?!

  • From the Dogsitter VHS from WotW. Big favorite.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIkCFCzplwg

  • Like Icare

    That’s horseshit.

    Sorry. I forgot.

    That’s a lie.

  • I wanted to post Admiral “it’s a trap” Ackbar with Disney eyes in response… but his eyes are already big. http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081118162020/starwars/images/f/fb/Ackbar_HS.jpg

  • Sully

    “Double-dutch.”

    Thanks, Red. Now I want fuckin’ ice cream.

  • Not completely related, but there’s a stop in the subway by me that has an ad for 50 Shades right next to one for Selma, and it’s weird because they compliment each other visually REALLY well. Like eerily so.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Stir, HWIP, stir, HWIP, HWIP, HWIP stir.

  • The ones in which they both are facing the camera with their backs?

  • Red Skeleton

    Looks like SPOCK….. just got INTERRUPTED!
    *Waits for laughter*

  • Sully

    People love a train wreck.

  • tOmy`

    But… but…

    Where is the meat?

  • ikdks

    Did Jessi write this episode?

    Nobody appreciates a good fart joke as much as she does.

  • Sully

    Chris Tucker shines in that film as well. His frantic craziness juxtaposed with Willis’ deadpanned hardness were near perfection, and when you place that with Gary Oldman as a villain, and Milla Jovovich as a quirky clone girl…

    The 5th Element is a prime example of how a casting director can do wonders for a film.

    If just one of those pieces were changed, the whole movie likely would not of worked.

  • Grandpa Seth

    But I’m praying for the sweet release of death NOOOOOOWWWWWWWW. Ain’t got that kinda time . . .

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    *Nakles.

    Saying it Nankles makes it sound like Jessi’s got cankles or something.

    Soon you’ll be saying Jessie Nankles, and then the Internet will explode from rage.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Hey! That’s not a nice thing to call Mike.

  • Sully

    There are too many “p‘s” in that word. Oh wait…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    What the fyuck is HOCKEY?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sully, go sit in the corner.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Oh. That’s a different cookie recipe altogether.

    http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/bacon-chocolate-chip-cookies.html

  • Sully

    Do you have any idea how long I had to scroll to find this goddamn comment.

    You’re lucky it was worth it.

    [Poster Pending]

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Does– does that make an appearance in the Fitty Shades movie?

  • Sully
  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    God I would the Fifty Shades movie if Annie Hall’s fucksaw made an appearance.

  • Now I Get It

    What the fyuck is hockey? What the fuck is fyuck, you fuck?!?!

    Back to Kraków, baby.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    GuARHHH. Damn you all to hell~

  • Red Skeleton

    *Checks* Well fuck me, it IS Nakles. I’ve just been saying it Nankles by mistake all this time (seriously). Nakles is so much better, because it doesn’t sound or look like anything silly.

  • Sully

    Me being from the United States, and living in the South…. you don’t want to know.

  • sepiajack

    I’m a sucker for redheads Jennifer so I completely agree

  • sepiajack

    Is she on that show??? I haven’t seen it yet but now I might have too!

  • sepiajack

    She’s the Mila Kunis Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs…

  • Now I Get It

    I do so love it when two of my non-ex-girlfriends get along. And so near Valentine’s Day. My ‘magination is just aflame.

  • sepiajack

    Nope. I do the $15 because the way I figure one movie ticket costs more than that, and a single RLM video is most likely going to be better than the majority of movies I’d see in the theater. But even the small tiers help. they add up!!

  • Now I Get It

    Perfect cast.

  • Not that one, but DAMN, that one is even closer to the Selma ad, holy shit.

  • Jimbot

    The Wachowskis really get bogged down with nonsense in these kinds of films. I can appreciate their effort but it tells me that they have no real ounce of self-awareness when it comes to their material. V for Vendetta is a fantastic film, written by them yet all the commentary and “intellectual” stuff fits pretty well within the story and dialogue and doesn’t stick out.

    At least their films are visually interesting. I honestly think Speed Racer is one of their best films and each time I watch it I enjoy it more and more. Its visual style is incredible and really experimental for a major film and it was perfectly cast.

  • ikdks

    What can I say, i’m horribly jelous.

  • st33d

    Is there a record for the longest fart joke?

  • ikdks

    So… why were they credited as brothers?

    They were, right?

  • Palpatine

    Apparently the producers of Battlefield Earth thought their film was going to be such a huge hit, that they actually made a Terl action figure:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwneadOQWGs

  • ikdks

    The Rifftrax version is pretty good.

  • Now I Get It

    I love a redhead in her natural habitat – spitting in the street, punching a cop, cumming on my back, “borrowing” my car – they’re fascinating. Really.

  • The Ghost

    This ending wouldn’t have been possible without “Thunderpants.”

  • Sully

    Not recently…. that I’m aware of.

  • ikdks

    Oh. One of them became a woman. Ok.

    Boy, that’s popular now’a days.

  • Like Icare

    Having a “buddy” is a very good way to put it.
    Cause, as the things are right now, that is what it all boils down to.
    That, and indiscriminate prescription of poorly tested drugs.
    Which is a HUGE step forward from previous “scientific” practices like lobotomy and electroshocks.
    Hey! Remember when being gay was a mental disorder? Remember the cures?

    All of which kinda points out that psychology is not science but pseudoscience. Kinda like tarot or acupuncture.
    People swear that it worked for them! It MUST be real!

    The issue boils down to that ANY CRAP you can dream up will be accepted as a valid psychological study if you show up with a paper that seems legit. And no one EVER will call you out on it.
    Study replication is shunned.
    And the numbers showing how much actual science is being done are… pure horror.

    A 2012 survey of the top 100 psychology journals found that barely 1 percent of papers published since 1900 were purely attempts to reproduce previous findings. Some of the most prestigious journals have maintained explicit policies against replication efforts; for example, the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published a paper purporting to support the existence of ESP-like “precognition,” but would not publish papers that failed to replicate that (or any other) discovery. Science publishes “technical comments” on its own articles, but only if they are submitted within three months of the original publication, which leaves little time to conduct and document a replication attempt.

    http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2014/07/replication_controversy_in_psychology_bullying_file_drawer_effect_blog_posts.single.html

    Basically, nobody ever checked ANYTHING in the last 112 years or so of psychological research.
    Trouble is, it is treated as if it IS hard science and confirmed truths.

    And findings from psychological “studies” find way into everyday life to disastrous results.
    You’ll find “scientists” and businessmen and leaders citing halfbaked “studies” like the Milgram and Stanford experiment as an excuse for everything from torture to dismantling democracy and going with the “rule of the elite”.

    Or… Here’s a fun one. Semen as an anti-depressant.

    No… Seriously. HUGE scientific findings point that way.
    http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/bering-in-mind/2010/09/22/an-ode-to-the-many-evolved-virtues-of-human-semen/

    And not just that! HA!
    semen-exposed women perform better on concentration and cognitive tasks; women’s bodies can detect “foreign” semen that differs from their recurrent sexual partner’s signature semen, an evolved system
    that, Gallup believes, often leads to unsuccessful pregnancies because it signals a disinvested male partner who is not as likely to provide for the offspring; women who had unprotected sex with their ex-partners—and therefore were getting regularly inseminated—experience more significant
    depression on breaking up than those who were not as regularly exposed to their ex’s semen (and they also go on the “rebound” faster in seeking new sexual partners, which presumably would help fix their semen-deprived depression).

    Is there nothing that semen can’t do?
    Note how that quote above claims the same thing as a certain US politician did a couple of years back – that women have an evolved ability to prevent pregnancies resulting from “legitimate rape” – ergo, ban abortion.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/19/todd-akin-abortion-legitimate-rape_n_1807381.html

    Now go back to the scientificamerican article and look up how the whole thing started.

    By accepting that as there is something wrong with their study of McClintock effect among lesbians (women living together are supposed to synchronize their menstrual cycles – because pheromones) – it must be something wrong with the lesbians.
    And since they don’t get any semen…

    Cause, it cant’ be their study, they’ve checked all their data it must be something yet unknown. Like semen.

    OR… McClintock effect could be BULLSHIT.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_synchrony#Status_of_the_theory

    McClintock effect Wiki page is a really good example of how a fashionable theory will spread into biology, zoology (rats, monkeys…) and even MYTHOLOGY.

    That clearly imaginary effect has among its “proves” fucking CAVE DRAWING OF STICK FIGURES.
    Which, clearly, obviously, show women menstruating together.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_synchrony#Menstrual_synchrony_in_traditional_myth_and_ritual

  • Red Skeleton

    http://www.arewenotentertained.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Michael_Caine_-_Viennale_2012_e.jpg

    There are only two things I cannot stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people’s cinematography…. and the Dutch Angle!

  • Like Icare

    And he comes with his own little pile of gold.
    http://www.amazon.com/Deluxe-Action-Figure-Battlefield-Earth/dp/B001P2VB00
    It’s… beautiful.
    There’s also a Ker action figure.

    And OH MY GOOOOOD!!!
    There’s this. Holy shit they made this.
    http://www.amazon.com/Battlefield-Earth-Jonnie-Learning-Action/dp/B001FL0648

  • Red Skeleton

    I would have used a picture of Nigel Powers instead of just Michael Caine but for some reason when I searched all I got were pictures of this asshole.

    http://www.catch21.co.uk/catch21/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Nigel-Farage-1552356.jpg

  • RalphCifaretto

    Well, I guess if I cut out one hooker a month, I can afford that…

  • Palpatine

    If you believe in the Multi-verse theory, there’s no doubt there’s a universe where Battlefield Earth was a hit and became the most successful film of all time. Because it was such a hit, more people join the Church of Scientology until it is the largest religion on Earth.

  • RalphCifaretto

    A talking penis? You must be a hit at parties!

  • Is Mr. Plinjkett playing Empire Strikes Back on an Atari 2600?

  • Red Skeleton

    I wondered about that…

  • This should blow your mind even more. For some reason. http://i.imgur.com/45RBVdX.jpg

  • Found this on RLM’s Facebook. Guess what porn stars recommend you to watch? Apart from porn? http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3bcd4d7524/5-reasons-pornstars-hate-50-shades-of-grey/

  • Spock Interrupted
  • Spock Interrupted

    ha ha!
    😀
    But what do I know, right?
    I’m just a bimbo blonde country singer.

  • Red Skeleton

    And there’s the “Step right up, folks, step right up! Get yer cahk sucked!” segment from….. um…. forgot. Around Battleship and Avengers.

    I love how it keeps showing shots of birds looking at them.

  • Now I Get It

    Hell wig?

  • I’ll give you a hint:
    It took

  • Chewbacca
  • Spock Interrupted

    Even Ian Holm gives a short, albeit witty and comedic performance, I didn’t know he had it in him.

  • Now I Get It

    Oh, “hellwig”.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hellwig

    Still…”12″?

  • You learn something new every day.

  • Square Peg

    Compressed gas is heavier than water, uncompressed gas is not, that’s how submarines surface. You just have to assume Plinkett’s colon is like a steel tank, which isn’t that hard to imagine.

  • Now I Get It

    And I very nearly did. Thanks for the hint.

  • Square Peg

    Whaddaya mean, they reviewed the star wars prequels, and those are almost completely computer animated.

  • Palpatine

    Why am I a pig?

  • DanceOfBirther

    No, double-dutch angle is what you get when the cameraman is jump roping while operating.

  • Because it comes from an alternate universe where men are pigs and pigs are wombats.

  • Can’t wait.

  • capt_rocketeer

    The funny thing is she dyed her hair red for the role. Her natural hair color is blonde.

  • DanceOfBirther

    No, Tilly’s voice keeps me low and lazy. Same with Lacey Chabert.

  • agianagain

    Where’s the birthday boy certificate, Evans!?

  • DanceOfBirther

    The Kids Are Alright isn’t alright, it’s just a boring string of TV movie cliches

  • DanceOfBirther

    I always figured that RLM would get around to Battlefield Earth and Leonard Part 6. But in the same episode? That’s CRAZY!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Is that hot-air balloon going to end up in Red Letter Media’s 5th Annual Auction? Or the can of beans?

    I really miss those auctions.

  • DanceOfBirther

    Well, the “farting preacher” videos are all just one continuous joke, so I guess you could total those up. I would guess that that might exceed American Flatulators.

  • Red Skeleton

    DIBS ON RICH’S R5-D4 FIGURE!
    Or should I say…
    Sloppy Seconds!

  • DanceOfBirther
  • DanceOfBirther

    Probably not, but it has had me ruminating if this is the first big Hollywood exploitation movies since Showgirls.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    how serendipitous, that gif is one of MY personal favorites. My favorite actually. I get off a little in my pantaloons from how much anger it contains.

  • Jason Ross

    Do see the puzzled look of entitled hipsters who wear those idotic masks like it’s the hottest trend, simply let them know that Fawkes was a Catholic reactionary who hated Jews. Guaranteed “no wai!!!!!” look is priceless.

  • TapewormBike

    Jupiter Moving Upwards probably sucks, however, since most blockbusters are doing some version of the hero’s journey, just badly, I am willing to give a chance to anything that tries to approach it from a different, female perspective. I also like splosions.

  • From what they’ve said the female perspective is mostly vertical and moving downwards. And by that I mean falling. Let’s face it, Cinderella is not the best archetype to explore women’s empowerment.

  • TapewormBike

    True, but then, we don’t watch Luke Skywalker to learn about the complexity of masculine roles in the modern society.

  • I don’t know, male is pretty much an unmarked category in films. It’s considered the norm. Would a girl who behaves like Luke and has the same adventures be considered unmarked? I don’t think so. She’d be considered a tomboy.

  • Like Icare

    Funny thing is, heaving read AND LOVED the books as a kid (My pals and my sister too – we had no clue about Hubbard’s Scientology gig, other than that he made up some new religion.) – I was actually excited when I heard that they are making the movie.

    Looking at stills (Remember the time when watching trailers online was a technical impossibility?) I realized in about 30 seconds that it will be crap – main character had no beard.
    And that was kind of a big thing in the book.
    There’s a whole part where an old Chinese man, whose family once upon a time served Chinese emperors, teaches Johnny Goodboy Tyler etiquette and politics while one of his daughters trims Johnny’s beard and hair.

    And where Lucas failed spectacularly, Battlefield Earth actually makes interstellar negotiations and politics and BANKING – exciting.
    A moon serving as a giant military base/shipyard gets turned into gas during the course of negotiations so that helps too.

    Thing is… though being PRETTY badly written – the book works.
    Why they decided to mess with so many things and replace things that work (in a science fiction setting) with completely insane things – that’s beyond me.

    I can understand dropping Scottish highlanders for Americans. Though that would have been awesome – just imagine that movie with Scottish accents on top of it all.
    But Harrier jets in the year 3000 and nobody stumbling on Fort Knox for a 1000 years… when BOTH are explicitly mentioned in the book as “heaps of rust” and “plundered long ago”.
    That’s just… Drugs. Had to be drugs.

    Insanity AND/OR incompetence can’t adequately explain it.
    Had to be drugs.

  • TapewormBike

    Certainly could be, but I wanna watch that movie. Look at Firefly and Zoe. That’s a kickass married woman, which is unexpected and should not be. What I am basically saying that we should get Joss Whedon and Tarantino do more stuff.

  • True dat. Although it’s a shame that Django’s female lead was so underdeveloped. Still, when it comes to writing badass women, there’s no other to Tarantino and Whedon.

    On a sidenote.
    I was about to make a joke about Boyhood (as the film discussing modern masculinity) in the previous comment but that would kill the discussion. Boyhood’s become the new reduction ad hitlerum.

  • Like Icare

    Umm… He swings his extendable sword around and destroys a giant space station thus becoming a hero by shooting his torpedo into its hole.

    How much more masculine does it need to get?

  • TapewormBike

    That did dissapoint me in Django, but the dynamic between the male leads was too incredible to ruin it for me. Hopefully, Kill Bill 3 about the little girl from the first chapter will ever see the light of the day. Maybe IN 12 YEARS!

  • TapewormBike

    Very, and very simply and archetypically (look, this might be a word or not, Czech guy excuse). Which is what I was pointing out.

  • Kill Bill had an almost all female cast. There was only David Carradine and Michael Madsen. I guess it made up for what Django was lacking… proactively.

  • TapewormBike

    Lotsa feet shots too.

  • Sully

    There’s far too much speculation about the inner workings of Harry Plinkett going on here.

  • TapewormBike

    Are you thinking of Sex Pervert?

  • TapewormBike

    I like the eye one even better

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I don’t think a female perspective is worth seeing if it’s still a terrible movie. I’m not going to see 50 Shades of Grey or Twilight because it’s a female perspective.

    Short Term 12, Fish Tank, or 2 Days, 1 Night are great films with a female perspective. Even Jane Eyre with Mia Wasikowska is a great film. No explosions necessary.

  • DanceOfBirther

    It was backseat executive produced by David Miscavige, good enough explanation for me.

  • Like Icare

    That’s a bingo.

    I actually didn’t pick it up until Death Proof.
    After that, Tony Rocky Horror story sounds a lot different.
    That’s some guy venting his foot fetish fantasy out to the audience.
    Now you know that the director probably gets a woody while watching those two guys talking about foot massages.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM0wP07wD2g

    Now the entire movie has a completely different tone.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I remember watching From Dusk til Dawn and thinking “Damn, even vampire Quentin Tarantino has a foot fetish.”

  • TapewormBike

    Sure, but in combination with liking some stuff from Wachowskis that not as many people seemed to like and the fact that they are doing a big spacey adventure with a strong (hopefully) female lead, I am still on the more positive side of sold. When saying “female perspective” I don’t just mean a blank statement about “has a girl’s point of view” I was referring specifically to the splosions spacey genre. I also have a thing for Kunis. Sue me or something. I dunno.

  • Sully

    I’ll probably watch it as well. I keep hoping those boys two will hit their stride. I had high hopes for Juniper Clambering, and who knows, maybe I’ll like this well enough. I don’t think I’ve hated any of their previous movies. The last two Matrix films fell short of what they were aiming to be, but they still managed to stretch miles beyond what most action films were doing at the time (Dare Devil, Charlie’s Angels 2, and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen).

  • TapewormBike

    Oh jeez, I never put the Hayek scene and that together…

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I think I’ll just mail you some cookies instead. Lawsuits are so overrated.

  • TapewormBike

    The court system has a thing or two to learn from you.

  • Earth

    Guy in Oscar-Bait movie turning up in weird-ass sci fi schlock as main villain and just looks so horribly miscast.

  • Like Icare

    Yeah… Different tone.

  • Like Icare

    Some day, someone will make a movie about his life.
    And it will be LOADED with shots of female feet and insinuations about his mother.

  • Sully

    Especially the Grimm’s version:

    I’m a woman and I need a strong, wealthy man to save me, and I’m willing to cut off my own toes to obtain that salvation.”

    Fuck you, bitches! The shoe fits!

  • Earth

    I’m now trying to picture Klingons all sitting down in corporate business suits talking about profit margins and labels for applebee’s sauce.

  • TapewormBike

    On top of a myriad negative things I would say about 50 Shades, I really gotta wonder, how can people watch that in crowded theater and not feel weird?

  • Sully

    That’s a perfectly logical and sane thing to do, and don’t let anyone tell you any different, Earf.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If Mike and Jay ever decide to stop repairing VCRs, they can always take up photography and try to sell Tarantino pictures of female feet.

    It’ll be a hit!

  • It’s pronounced Yorth.

  • I once received a blowjob in a cinema. They were playing Shrek. I’m sure the kids didn’t mind.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I’m sure Mike and Jay would know, as they watched Twilight Part 2 in a crowded movie theater.

  • Sully

    Not in my neck of the woods, maggot.

  • TapewormBike

    Depends on your shooting radius.

  • Like Icare
  • TapewormBike

    Hey, hey, let’s not use strong worm language here.

  • Sully

    My apologies, Tape.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    3rd Rock From the Sun.

    What is wrong with you people?!

  • Sully

    Did you make them form a line, or was it first come first —- never mind.

  • Palpatine

    If George Lucas directed a Star Trek film I can picture that happening.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I’ve seen avatars of a mongoose and a fennec fox in here, Sully. You have new friends!

  • Earth

    Oh my god, wookies in business suits, all talking in wookie language, for forty-five minutes.

  • Like Icare

    Why? Are they supposed to have feminine feet?

    Come to think of it… Uma Thurman doesn’t have feminine feet either.
    It might work.

  • I don’t think Twilight is nowhere as loaded (haha) as Shades, unless you jerk off to the werewolf. Hey, he’s well built and all but I don’t recall anyone discussing any sex scenes from Twilight.

  • TapewormBike

    Or competition…

  • Lumpybacca, the CEO of GROROWROWORWOWR Ltd. discussing profit margins. GENIUS.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh there is the some of that there too, with weird archaic morals attached.

  • Sully

    Fuq those posers. We all know who the alpha male is here.

  • Might be because the author of the book is a Mormon (or something like that).

  • Palpatine

    Nah, it would turn out they would be able to speaking English. But on the other hand they’d have some ridiculous sounding racist accent.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh I know, trust me.

  • TapewormBike

    Lil Piggies: The Tarantino Story

  • Like Icare

    Because there aren’t any?

    Wasn’t there like a thing about sparkling vampire being afraid to touch his virgin bride cause he’s like all made of marble-like flesh?
    And in the morning she’s all covered in bruises – but it’s OK, cause they’re in love.

    Which was probably the source of that fan fiction which became 50 Shades.

  • But they’d only have it if they talked with the (quoting Plinkett) “Asians” of the Star Wars universe.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I worked with teenagers at the time that movie came out. Believe me, they were talking about it in excruciating detail.

  • TapewormBike

    Let’s talk about Snow White…

  • Palpatine

    Good Lord, can you imagine a fifteen minute long scene of Wookiee and Neimoidian businessmen having a discussion about trade route taxation or whatever?

  • NO. Don’t want to know. Just thinking of Cucumber’s (Pattinson’s?) face makes me sick.

  • TMI,right?

  • Red Skeleton

    I for one welcome our new furry brethren.
    *Cocks gun*
    … More to hunt.

  • TapewormBike

    I think Pattinson knows how shit the thing is, I like the guy, As an actor too (outside Twillight).

  • TapewormBike

    Yes, Tell More Information.

  • Nah, that’s rather embarrassing. After that we went to see Ice Age.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Wait. Shrek is a game?

  • TapewormBike

    Maggit probably made it one “Cum whenever funny”

  • I Shrekulated all over the place. God, this is more embarrassing than fucking a R5D4 robot with a Darth Vader helmet on.

  • TapewormBike

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

    High Five!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Her poor feet in Kill Bill. You could tell Uma was lended one too many too-small heels by her stylist.

  • Red Skeleton

    ….Uhhhhhh….
    The women with the boobies told me to watch Boyhood. Must… Watch… Boyhood….
    … Uhhhhhh….

  • TapewormBike

    Anybody wanna play a game of “What movie has a better title for a BDSM movie, than 50 Shades?”?. And try beating Die Hard.

  • Like Icare

    They’re in the railings business. They’re HUGE.
    Young Lumpy learned the importance of good railings as a young boy, when these stormtroopers came around once…

  • Hard Boiled.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Were you wearing a Shrek T-Shirt at least? Be committed, man!

  • Probably a Simpsons one that was spoofing the Sopranos.

  • Like Icare

    12 Years a Slave?

  • Well, that didn’t take long.

  • Like Icare

    Well, it was 12 years in the making.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Is there a reason why you would want a bubble city inside Jupiter’s atmosphere?

    That’s like the Umbrella Corporation having their secret facilities underground when there’s no civilization left.

  • TapewormBike

    That does sound wanky.

  • Sully

    Or the Little Mermaid.

  • Palpatine

    Well Jupiter has no surface so to speak, which means they had no other choice.

  • TapewormBike

    Well, maybe there are some mining facilities down there and some suave black guy is taking care of the city. In the clouds.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It’s unfortunate that Jupiter only has 63 moons instead of 64.

  • Like Icare

    Think of it as a mining facility floating on a sea of hydrogen and helium.

  • Palpatine

    Is that reference to something?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    No. Jupiter really has 63 moons.

  • TapewormBike

    Poser

  • Earth

    Actually it’s Yor:The Hunter from the Future.

  • Loved that show. I’ve never watched it in English, though. Only Wookie dub.

  • Earth

    Da one that eats rats. “That’s their favourite food.”

  • Earth

    I tried, and failed, to imagine what a wookie’s accent would be in English.

  • Purty please.

  • Palpatine

    I dunno, maybe something like this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FD9rlb1QAqM

  • Sully

    -Bone Deep
    -Taken
    -Bound
    (which, coincidentally enough, The Asylum picked up on)
    -There Will Be Blood
    -Where the Wild Things Are
    -Stand and Deliver
    -Up!
    -Demolition Man

  • 12 Years a Slave still takes the cake. Up? Why Up?

  • Like Icare

    One day, Disney will “update” Madame Bovary and Anna Karenina as princesses.
    Mark my words.

    Also, Marie Curie and Ada Lovelace.
    Which is nonsense since we all know that Ada Lovelace was an adventurer crime fighter, the A to Babbage’s B.
    http://sydneypadua.com/2dgoggles/lovelace-the-origin-2/

  • Earth

    That’s it done right. I’d love to see the Klingons going on about passing top of their class in business school Battlefield Earth-style.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Full Metal Jacket

  • Palpatine

    How ’bout 50 Shades a Slave?

  • Sully

    She’d be one worn out woman in 12 years.
    They’d have to rename it James and the Giant Peach.

  • Earth

    When Chewy gets home he just sits down in his chair with a cup of tea and pipe in hand.

  • Sully

    Maybe if you’re a filthy man animal.

  • Earth

    It’s all about The Erotic Mr Rose. He’s Mr Rose and erotic.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    http://svs.gsfc.nasa.gov/vis/a010000/a011100/a011173/Jupiter_cover-1024.jpg

    This just in. Jupiter has been confirmed for 67 moons. By the time you read this, there will 74. Rich Evans keeps sending me updates.

  • TapewormBike

    You sex weirdo.

  • Sully

    Keeping with the war theme:

    The Hurt Locker

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Hunger Games.
    Dark Knight Rises.
    Space Balls.
    Sleeping Beauty.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Where’s the Studio Executive to say this is genius because it has international appeal?

  • She’s discussing overheads with the Asians of the Star Wars Universe.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    That’s their orbiting patterns. I swear!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Those Ferengi and Wookies really like to hog up the conference room.

  • TapewormBike

    Dirty Dozen

  • Sully

    There’s an English version?

  • Sully

    Freddy Got Fingered
    Granted, it isn’t a war movie, but I like it.

    [edit: the title not the movie]

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Should I see Fifty Shades of Grey just to see if there’s any so bad it’s good moments? I saw The Boy Next Door last weekend and it was fucking hilarious.

  • TapewormBike

    Speaking of truly strong female leads in genre films, they should have watched the sci-fi classic, Barb Wire.

  • TapewormBike

    Snatch.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Some reviews are saying it’s not a terrible film.

    Honestly, just go watch Magic Mike XXL. The audience reaction stuff to that type of movie is fucking hysterical.

  • Oh God. It’s not even worthy of a fap. Begrudgingly we have to admit that Ripley is probably the only strong female protagonist in a Sci-Fi film (Prometheus doesn’t count, it’s basically the same thing, only worse). On the plus side, Prometheus had a strong sorta-kinda antiheroine Charlize Theron.

  • DanceOfBirther

    Hard to Die
    The Tingler
    400 Blows
    Breathless
    Malice in Wonderland
    Naked Space
    The Immoral Mister Teas
    Stripped to Kill
    Trip With Teacher
    Taste the Blood of Dracula
    Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Huppe and Find True Happiness

  • TapewormBike

    Don’t forget Sarah Connor.

  • Sully

    -Black Snake Moan
    -Snatch
    -XXX
    -Dirty Harry
    -Bend it Like Beckham
    -Fun With Dick and Jane
    -A Series of Unfortunate Events
    -The Crying Game
    -2 Fast 2 Furious
    -Toy Story
    -Are We There Yet?
    -127 Hours
    -An Inconvenient Truth
    -Girl Interrupted
    -No Country for Old Men
    -Superbad
    -Cool Hand Luke
    and…

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze

  • DanceOfBirther

    Die Harder was the tag, not the title.

  • Sully

    Funny enough I just included that one above.

  • Well, but that’s Cameron again. Ridley Scott and James Cameron seem to be the only two directors who dared to have female leads in sci-fi films.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Dana Scully made me want to believe.

  • Oh you’re no fun.

  • TapewormBike

    She made me do other stuff as well. What is it about Gillians?

  • Sully

    Take one for the team and report back here.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The Midnight Meat Train
    The Punisher
    The Limits of Control
    Unbreakable

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Julianne Moore in Children of Men (Can’t think of character name.)

    Never Let Me Go had Carey Mulligan and Fake Padme.

    Or Eleanor Arroway in Contact

  • My ex wife

    You too? 😀 Happy birthday dude.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Ryan Stone(sandra bullock)in Gravity

  • Not a bad ass in the Cameron way but OK. A good movie on its own.

  • Well, if you can’t remember the name, that means she doesn’t count. To be honest, I can’t remember what was Wossname’s character is named in the film. Also, they killed her off somewhere in the 1/3rd and she wasn’t the protagonist. Wossname was. I liked that film.

    Yeah… Contact has like one explosion, so it’s not exactly schlock sci-fi but I’ll bite.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    I need some advice. I’ve got a date tomorrow with a beautiful, intelligent, funny, and nerdy girl, but she just announced to me that “Pearl Harbor” is one of her top three favorite films.

    Great, now what do I do?

  • You’re asking us?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    take an example from george costanza

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bads-B8O0lI

  • Ask if she likes Red Tails. If she doesn’t, she must be racist. Quote George Lucas on that.

  • Guest

    Uh… let it go. Taste in film shouldn’t ruin a good thing like a promising relationship. There are far more important things to consider in a girl or a woman.

    Then again, you could always do the shallow thing and dump the girl because she likes a Michael Bay movie.

  • My ex wife

    This comment made me laugh more than it should have. Like my cock.

  • Sully

    That’s actually a really good example, and probably one of my faves as we’re given the opportunity to actually see the events that made her a stronger person.

  • What about Boiled Harder?

  • Sundial83

    I say go out on the date anyway, maybe you’ll discover that you have other things in common. Taste in film doesn’t need to be a deal breaker.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s probably a bad idea to ask a bunch of virgins questions regarding women.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    *Cracks Knuckles.

    Lets do this.

    Twister
    The Rock
    Titanic
    Meatballs
    Days of Thunder
    Crush

    Something Wicked This Way Comes
    The Omen
    12 Angry Men
    True Grit
    No Mercy
    Forces of Nature
    Scream
    The Big Easy
    Bounce
    Pearl Harbor
    Old Yeller
    Mission Impossible
    All The President’s Men
    Free Willy
    The Ring
    A River Runs Through It
    The Sting
    Sudden Impact
    Deep Rising
    Mr. Holland’s Opus
    Broken Arrow
    Waiting to Exhale
    Blow
    Deep Six
    Shaft
    Death Bed
    Dirty Dancing
    Trapped
    2 Fast 2 Furious

  • dollar store cashier wife

    does Scarlett Johansson in Under The Skin count? I mean she’s barely playing a character and it’s more of a art house experimental flick then sci fi schlock but still…

  • Sully

    Leeloo (Milla Jovovich) in The 5th Element.
    There were some great female characters in Firefly/Serenity as well.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Seriously, though, go on the date with her. If you find more stuff you dislike, perhaps reevaluate things.

    Ask yourself: WWRED [What Would Rich Evans Do]?

  • I haven’t seen it. But I think I have to now. :3

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Oh. We have very different interpretations of what makes a sci-fi film, then 😀

  • Sully

    Is she technically a “woman?”
    If so, I agree.

  • Damn, 5th Element was such a fun movie (Gary Oldman). Still, she wasn’t the main protagonist. Cordell?? (Willis) was.

  • Sully

    Ask her to explain why it’s one of her favorite movies. If it’s because of the love story, she’s forgiven. It wasn’t all that bad. If it’s because she believes it’s equal to Saving Private Ryan, ask the waiter for separate checks and cut your losses.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    You don’t know why Pearl Harbor is her favorite film. She may really think the cheesy stuff is funny, or think Ben Affleck is laughably bad in it. She may like the historical stuff in it. You never really know.

    Like I didn’t like the Star Wars franchise when I met my husband because I was an idiot who saw 1-3 and never saw 4-6. He helped me see the franchise in a new light, and the expression on my face when I saw the “Luke, I am your father” scene for the first time in context was something he’s said he’ll never forget.

  • Well, OK, Contact was schlock enough. 😛

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    More guys do that than you possibly know (The being shallow and dumping girls bit), especially when they’re young, and they really miss out on cool chicks in the process.

  • Like Icare

    I can’t really agree on commonly mentioned Ripley and Sarah Connor – original Ripley is no more a strong character than original Laurie Strode, and Cameron writes PSYCHO CONTROL FREAKS and then gets women to play those characters.
    Writing the character as a guy and than casting a woman does not make the character a “strong female” – as there is no female in the character.

    It’s played by a female… and that’s about it.
    It’s like calling Emmett in “Made in Heaven” a strong female character cause he/she is played by a woman.

    On the other hand… Trinity.
    Say what you want about Wachowskis, but they got that one right.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Rich Evans would rather fuck a R5 D2 droid then go out on a date.

  • Sundial83

    Yup, and that’s why I’m hoping he makes the smart move and goes out with the girl.

  • Yeah but she’s not the lead. Neo is.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Exciting News, Everyone!

    So, thanks to family and friends [some even within our company, you know who you are], the short film I’m working on has not only has gotten funded via IndieGoGo, but it is now 31% higher than our goal [or in absolute terms, $458 over the goal … it was $408 about 13 minutes ago]. The campaign ends tonight at 11:59 PM [Pacific Time].

    These are exciting times for me! We shoot on February 21st and 22nd. 🙂 Anyway, I mentioned about 3 weeks ago now that I had done a radio interview for this film. Because I finally got around to checking my replies on here [I had procrastinated that for a month], I was reminded about it since people asked for a link. Well, I just made a shorter version that’s only the part where my co-crew member and I talk about the film. So, I guess, here’s the radio interview to celebrate a successful IndieGoGo campaign. 🙂 Pretty soon I’ll be directing Jurassic World 7: Direct-to-the-Dump!

    http://youtu.be/IBn-rvK5W0g

  • mk741

    Have to say, as someone who thought Cloud Atlas was great (an under appreciated, ambitious, albeit flawed sci-fi flick if there ever was one), Jupiter Ascending is weirdly appealing to me.

    There seems to be so much ludicrous shit crammed into it that it at least begs a watch when it gets syndicated.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    He’s really smart, then. Fucking that droid before his date starts really lets off the pressure.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Is that hair gel?”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I missed dating cool chicks because I was an ugly loser.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Now back to 9/11 …

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Rich Evans would keep all her hair in place, not just one spot.

    Ben Stiller’s got nothing on The Richinator.

  • Sully

    T’was an inside job.

  • Your production company is name EVANS PRODUCTION COMPANY?

  • Sully

    Congrats! Pretty soon we’ll have to start calling you Taco Supreme.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It would be interesting to see how The Wachowskis handle script writing for their movies. Is it 50/50, or does one come up with the idea and then they sort through scripts separately? This movie almost seemed like they had 2 completely different concepts and just smashed them together and hoped the pieces fit.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    EvenMarks Media Productions.

    He misread it a few times, but I held back a chuckle when he said ‘Evans’.

  • Boy, what a Freudian slip that was.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “… 2 completely different concepts and just smashed them together and hoped the pieces fit.”

    Isn’t that how babies are made?

  • My ex wife

    Why not invite the intire RLM comments secton over? just imagine how much fun that would be!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Well, you’re a DP now rolling in the dough. Flash that badge and their ovaries will yours for the taking!

  • Sully

    A River Runs Through It literally made me LOL.

    Something Wicked This Way Comes was one of my favorite films growing up and is a fitting alternate title as well, so you win… imho.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    For the record, this was more of a joke than anything else!

    But I nearly shat my pantaloons when I read all the responses, and it only affirmed my appreciation for all of you on this webzone.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Fraudian slip*

    PS – The name ‘EvenMarks Media’ is derived by using the first and last initials of the crew members.

  • Sully

    That explains so much when I’m walking around Wal-Mart.

  • Red Skeleton

    My undead heart is with you, however I’m afraid I have to downvote you for fucking up the Futurama quote. It’s “Good News, Everyone!” Sorry, but even us Skeletons gotta have principles.

    And if you weren’t doing a futurama thing then, well, sorry, but thems the breaks.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Rich Evans needs buckets for his …

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Wouldn’t it be hysterical if this webzone became a dating advice forum? With this group of buffoons?

    Instead of Dear Abby it’d be Dear Cynical Cinephile Assholes.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    Don’t worry, more of a failed joke than anything else. I wouldn’t be that shallow!

  • “2 Fast 2 Furious is a touching story of a man struggling with premature ejaculation and anger management issues”.

  • My ex wife

    Go watch Blue is the warmest colour. :O

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Nono. You’re not in the know.

    He already used that quote in a previous announcement, and had to restyle the comment in an attempt to be funny. It’s like a sequel, only worse.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    “My date said she ‘didn’t get it’ when we saw PTA’s latest film, should I never call her or burn her house to the ground?”

  • Red Skeleton

    You’re sadder than a Star Wars Fanboy trying to justify why the exploding Death Star didn’t rain hellfire down on Endor.
    *Shakes head*

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I didn’t know they taught you this stuff in film school!

    Your college education is really taking you places.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Me, leaning over: “Hey baby, want to be in a movie?”
    Mother, worried: “Get the hell away from my baby, creep!”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Me, anxious: “Great. Now Clint will need to use a rubber baby …”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    But I’m being serious! Mitchell, show him! Make him understand!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Instant Adoring Webzone

    Mark Bisone, Sully … anybody?! MAKE IT HAPPEN!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Was Mike talking Magic Mike or his fan fiction titled Magic Mike?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Just say you can get them as an extra in an Adam Sandler movie and you’ll be fine.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It’s the sequel to As Good As It Gets.

  • Sully

    There’s a difference?

  • My ex wife

    heh hehe heh, yeah.

  • -Fist of Fury
    -Moon (as in ass)
    -Django Unchained
    Ninja 3: The Domination *drops mic*

  • Red Skeleton

    Watched Better Call All The Old Breaking Bad Actors And Give Them One Last Paycheck. Have to say…. not terribly impressed with it. I mean, it’s a decent follow up to Breaking Bad, but I kind of assumed they were going to do something different with it, not just make Breaking Bad 2, so-to-speak.

  • Like Icare

    Hmm… that’s tricky.
    Matrix is a lot like Star Wars – closer to an ensemble piece.
    Compare it to Indiana Jones for a story about A hero.

    Sure, Luke and Neo are on a hero’s journey – but they are both distinctly just a part of the whole story.
    Leia and Han’s story are equally important if not more than Luke’s – all of them having an arc of their own, and all of them making up a BAND. Or a family.

    Which is another thing where Lucas fucked up with the prequels – no team, no band, no family, no interconnection between characters…

    Same for Trinity and Morpheus.
    Heck… Movie starts with Trinity (much like with Star Wars and Leia) and then she and Morpheus rescue Neo – and then she brings him back from the dead.
    Even more so in the sequels where Neo AGAIN gets rescued by Trinity over and over.

    She dies sacrificing herself TWICE while saving his ass.

    And Morpheus gets an arc of his own… which is where they fuck up by attaching him to one of the most pointless characters in the series.

    It’s as if they’d decided to hook up Leia and Lando.

    Or to get Obi-Wan a Force-ghost girlfriend.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    His fan fiction Magic Mike is about Mike becoming a member of Star Fleet. He soon learns space magic and then bangs Deanna Troi. THE END.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s true, though. I’ve already used that quote in the previous announcement about things and stuff. I’ll quote it, “Good news everyone! [If you read that in Professor Farnsworth’s voice, kudos to you]”

    Here’s the comment:

    http://redlettermedia.com/fuck-you-its-january-2015/#comment-1799961692

    Any sympathy yet? 🙂

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    They taught me Stork Theory but I wasn’t buying it.

    Like, seriously. it’s sillier than the Heliocentric Model!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well guys this weekend I’ll watch Kingsman and then Fifty Shades of Fuck You. Just to report to you.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    They’re both XXL, though.

    Kidding, Mike! I love you!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Does he mind rape her or just do stretching exercises with her in pastel gymwear?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I did.

    Now we wait.

  • My ex wife

    Stir whip stir whip stir whip!

  • No, now you have a 15-minute awkward fist fight.

  • Red Skeleton

    At the end of Episode 1, when the door opened and we saw [spoilers] I did an audible Rich-like Ohhhh…… Because I thought “Oh, it’s going to be like THAT, is it?”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I like it when females in movies have arcs.

    Especially when those arcs are their backs and they’re bending over on motorcycles or cars. *Puts on Michael Bay sunglasses.*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well there are roughly around fifty eight chapters to it. There is one involving him saving Kirk and Spock from Rick Berman with a purple space bazooka.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The Red Skeleton would just eat the Taco.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    That’s because your school didn’t team up with Disney to explain the most recent scientific advances in Stork Theory.

    Disney even got with the times and turned it into a short film, because no one likes to read anymore.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a6Pe1ovKHg

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    You read the comment she’s talking about, though. 😛

  • Wizard Phoenix

    To quote me WHAT DID HE EAT?!

  • Red Skeleton

    Hm, I’m torn. While you have sufficiently demonstrated an understanding of Farnsworth’s catchphrase I am confused by your insistence that the fact “you already used it once” means you need to change it. I mean, that’s the point of a catchphrase, to be recycled whenever you don’t feel like writing new dialogue.

  • My ex wife

    I’m with Germany.

  • But then it would fall on the ground. No stomach.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Exciting felt more fitting as I’m quite excited and it felt like a good alliteration with ‘everyone’.

    However, that is as far as I can defend myself. If anything, take solace in knowing that I know the quote. 🙂 Perhaps only a Quantum of Solace, though. 😉

  • My ex wife

    I agree!

    I also can’t believe it’s 18 years old. Man that makes me feel bad.

  • Red Skeleton

    See, I don’t focus on the Taco part. I focus on the Mitchell part, and picture Joe Don Baker behind all his coments.

    http://shebloggedbynight.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/mitchell_poster_01.jpg

    So a fight between him and… um… fuck, who the hell am I supposed to be?
    a) Red Skull
    b) Red Skelton
    c) Professor Zombie
    d) An actual Red Skeleton a la Castlevania.

    Well, a fight between Joe Don Baker and any of those would be pretty cool.

    Edit: Fun fact, I spent the first 20 minutes on RLM today deleting all the comments I made “in character” as the Red Skull from 2 months ago…

  • My ex wife

    I totally fell in love with her when I saw her in that. That scene when she is asleep on the couch, those eyes. To this day the only celeb I have ever fancied and I still have a thing for ginger girls.

  • Red Skeleton sounds like a name fit for a wrestler. But wrestling is fake.
    http://youtu.be/zuHrXMwnSXs?t=39s

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Well, since you can’t have her, there’s always cosplay.

    http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/blog/12-11-15-leeloodog.jpg

  • Red Skeleton

    You DO realise a video of Roddy Piper was just posted, and he can be called AT ANY TIME?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49NLNHdp2Co

  • I… I think I’ll go offline now.

  • Red Skeleton

    You know what I FUCKING HATE about Quantum of Solace? The fact it reminds me that License to Kill was originally going to be called License Revoked, which makes WAY more sense. But the producers made them change it because they thought nobody would know what Revoked meant. Tell me, when did James Bond fans becomes smart enough to know what Quantum means, eh, producers?!

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    Congrats Mitchell!

  • Red Skeleton

    IT’S R5-D4, GRANDMA!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Revoo- Revoc- Revu- … Revoked is too difficult, but Quantum of Solace is child’s play.

  • LaFresque

    Ok, see you guys again next month.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    thorn*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Fuck You, It’s … March?

  • Guest

    Battlefield Earth looks like it’s borderline experimental.

  • Red Skeleton

    A former girlfriend of mine named one of her children “Noah”.

    … After the kid from Waterworld…

    ….. *Puts gun to mouth*

  • Bacchus

    I’m not sure if this is true, but I heard it’s because the producers thought people would automatically presume it referred to having one’s drivers license taken away.

  • Red Skeleton

    Not getting it.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I’m sure it would be like:
    ♫ Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman? The paperboy? The evening TV? You miss your old famliar friends, waiting just around the bend– (and they’re ALL around-the-bend in this case!) ♫

  • Red Skeleton

    Eh…. that makes more sense.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “But my expensive car!”

  • Red Skeleton

    I got three words for this relationship:
    Tora! Tora! Tora!

  • Like Icare

    That IS what I am saying. A part of it anyway.

    T1 Sarah is NOT anything like a strong character of any sort.
    She’s a damsel in distress.
    T2 Sarah is a control freak, trying to win the war by herself, as the only person aware of the truth.

    A1 Ripley was literally designed to be genderless. Like all other characters in the movie.
    A2 Ripley is again the only person who knows the truth – then she Rambos up to win the war all by herself.

    As for what makes a female CHARACTER female – it’s a combination of (roughly) two things.

    Could women imagine themselves socializing with that character as if she’s just “one of the girls” – and would men think of that character as “one of the guys” or as a girl and a potential love interest.
    I.e. Is she cool with the girls and hot with the guys.

    E.g. Vasquez is “one of the guys”.
    Or Switch in the Matrix.

    And it is a LOT simpler and safer to just go with a hot girl.
    It’s scifi anyway.

    NO grulz in ebbidin rum.

  • Bacchus

    I guess the CGI budget ran out and he couldn’t hide it from the DMV.

  • LaFresque

    In my country is, Fuck You… It’s Carnaval (which came along with the worst kind of music making ever made).

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Redhead is always better…

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    From the previous video comments. Some kid on YouTube wrote a comment defending the Star Wars prequels:

    Kristijan Kovče
    Jan 24, 2015

    +williamw watson I’d
    like to kick in, I’m fifteen so I’m not nostalgic or age subjective about any of the trilogy (just my personal opinion) in general I don’t have a favorite trilogy BUT If i had to choose i would choose the newer trilogy. Why? for starters the thing that SW is most known for is lightsabers, the older trilogy just has to few lighsaber fights and to much rebels vs stormtroopers blaster fights, secondly in my opinion luke skywalker was written to whiny, and altough everyone complain about hayden’s acting cmon he did the part great, how would you feel if you were thorn up between the jedi way and the lightside (he was) and the power to save padme from the dark side, everyone would gone mental, padme is hot lol, and finally the phantom menace has Qui-gon and Maul, again those are not big reasons but in my opinion they slightly overpower

  • Red Skeleton

    I’m trying to cosy up to the women on my facebook who will admit to having seen it because I’d like to get a report from actual idiots fans of the book on how well the movie handled the adaptation. Because as much as I LOATHE the book for being written by a complete hack who doesn’t understand writing, BDSM, or Twilight… the filmmakers will presumably NOT be complete hacks and the film might be competently put together, minus the restrictions the awful script will impose, of course.

    Edit: I say TRYING because I can’t seem to talk about the subject without launching into some tirade about how bad the books are.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I never understood why George Lucas thought digital/CGI filming was the hip thing to do. This link of old Star Wars model sets takes about 10 minutes to really look through. Enjoy.

    http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2014/october/detailed_close_ups_star_wars.htm

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    *Moon walks across my country … on ice skates because CANADA.*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s a gem of a comment.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Go with god.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    A client of mine said this film will be great because Dakota Johnson looks just like Stacy Martin and Charlotte Gainsbourg from Nymphomaniac. Helps set the tone for what’s to come.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Hey, ABQ is just like a small-town, ya know? You’re bound to run into a famliar face or Tuco.

  • JuFro743

    I’m still shocked a little each time Jay brings up Guardians of the Galaxy as a good movie.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I saw that one coming from 45° away…

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    You and Pa Kent have so much to discuss.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I want to know if it’s harvestable nonsense like Twilight, or just flat-out nonmedy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s hot in Canada yet cold in America.

  • Red Skeleton

    That pun was so bad I think I just died (again).

  • Red Skeleton

    Oh. For a second there I thought you were referencing something OBSCURE.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    The Cookie-Monster gave it two thumbs down. He felt misled by the trailer.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You enjoyed it.

  • Red Skeleton
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Rich Evans doesn’t live where I live.

  • Red Skeleton

    Was it good for you too?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Maybe, but I’m still not cleaning your damn house.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    (rolls into a ball…)

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Har har.

    It was mentioned quite a few times in the comments, but there were thousands of comments. Like tears in rain, I suppose.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    My period can talk????

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Noooo. You might fall of your donkeh!

  • omitted

    Tapey was right, you are harder to break away from than Carrie Fisher’s alleged coke habit. It’s 5 am, I can’t sleep and I’m writing this on my phone. Dandelion!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    (he rolls into the ball with me. it’s… it’s complicated.)

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    One of us… One of us…

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    You and my girlfriend must be synced.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Pa Kent quit, again. No more dandelion rhubarb pie.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Tuco”

    I thought you were saying my name. 🙁

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    He’ll be back, just like Corpse.

  • Spock Interrupted

    How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

  • omitted

    Gooble Gobble!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Woops. My hat fell off!

    Too… lazy… to pick… up… I guess the holidays are over now.

  • Jean-François Martel

    i should have said “i have no idea what The Last Airbender movie you speak of, there never was a Last Airbender movie!”, this misunderstanding is all my fault.

  • omitted

    Only if my dick fits in it. Wait, what?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Strawberry rhubarb pie or [I won’t] bust!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Maybe his anger supplies have depleted, and he’s just recharging.

  • Can anyone help me?

    I normally use adblock but I’ve disabled for RLM videos, but even with the site whitelisted I am having problems with the RLM videos from blip. The youtube videos all work fine. The video plays the ad but then it never plays the show. I just get the wheel endlessly loading. I do not have this issue on Firefox, just Chrome. I use the extension ghostery too but even with all my extensions disabled the videos just don’t work properly. Any ideas? I really want to use Chrome. 🙁

  • omitted

    Does that count as a striptease? Are you a part of an all-female reboot of Magic Mike?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    We’ll have a shell of a time!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    German? GERMAN?!

  • omitted

    We all crave for that special cream filling.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Don’t don’t. Uninstall it.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I turn the Chrome plug-in blocker on to watch a video, then turn it off when I’m not watching. Otherwise I have the same problem you do, even with extensions disabled.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    See? There’s that college education of yours saving the day again.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You can’t hear the difference??

  • omitted

    I’ve had the same problem with Blip videos lately with my Chrome. The player seems to want to buffer the whole video before starting playback. It will start eventually, at least for me.

  • omitted

    I really need to get some sleep. Maybe Domo could threaten me with her milk funnel or something?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa
  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Yep. I have a dance routine too, but it’s mostly just a lot of me spinning on my back…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Perhaps Ma Kent needed a seeing to.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I’ve had that problem with Blip before even without ad-block.

  • Sully

    I’ve never had an issue playing any video on any site. Weird.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Well, her house did get destroyed by those aliens, with her adopted alien son punching said aliens and calling them motherfuckers. It’s so violent.

  • Sully

    Was that a Ninja Turtle one-liner?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Y’know… I never got the meaning of Pa Kent’s full name until now. *smacks palm into forehead*

  • Sully

    Guardians of the Galaxy was a cute little movie, but I do mean little. I’m sure they spent a fortune making it, but the end result felt like a very very small film.

  • Sully

    Along with my wife. I think it’s a sign we’re all spending too much time on this webzone, but that’s just, like, crazy talk.

  • Sully

    March of the Fuck You’s?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Don’t worry. I only got it a few months ago.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    He lives in us all.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I was just never thinking of Man of Steel in relation to it.
    It’s like how long it took me to realize “wwyf” WASN’T actually a Welsh word…

  • Sully

    Here. Take this…

    http://i.imgur.com/P0vh28k.jpg

  • Craig

    That’s because it was. Hope this helps!

  • DanceOfBirther

    It’s certainly my favorite remake of Casablanca.

  • Sully

    It is a Welsh word. It means “Hope.”

  • Palpatine

    Does anyone else find it weird that the naked girls in the video recommend Boyhood over 50 Shades of Grey:
    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3bcd4d7524/5-reasons-pornstars-hate-50-shades-of-grey/

  • Richard Conquerer

    But he never actually says “Luke, I am your father”
    /sorry
    /nerd

  • Mark Bisone

    I watched fourteen seconds and then my brain died. That’s anew recorrrsdd palljpyg

  • Uncle Dan

    Has anyone seen 50 Shades? I’m curious if the filmmakers pulled a better movie out of the shitsack that the book seems to be.

    But yes, I find it weird that they felt the need to recommend Boyhood at all.

  • Uncle Dan

    Even today I talk to people who see Star Wars more as a special effects extravaganza, and therefore rate the films by their visual effects where the newer films rate better.

    But that’s the thing, I can’t even say that they really do, because it’s just a LOT of CGI on the screen, which isn’t serving the purpose of the film. The attention to detail put into real models and miniatures with precise timing in camera shots is far more impressive because it still looks great.

  • Uncle Dan

    Congrats! “DIrect to the Dump” means a movie where they take that scene with the dinosaur poo from the first movie and just take it way further?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    So, based on the name of the website, have all those pornstars died?

  • andypants1989

    Yeah and the posts criticising the fact that one of the wachowskis is transexual have been SO FUNNY! Really, just bursting with humour!

  • Jonah Falcon

    Okay, so on Battlefield Earth:

    1. John Travolta’s character, Turl, fucked the bosses’ daughter, which is why he was exiled on Earth.

    2. There’s too much radiation where the gold is, which is why they require humans. Also, Turl’s flunky hid the report in the first place, which is why the company doesn’t know.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Who is the intended audience of this? It’s women who love 50 Shades of Gray and men who love porn. Men seem to have little-to-no interest in 50 Shades, many I’d argue even loathe it, so they get naked female pornstars to persuade an audience who already doesn’t really care about the material they’re talking about in the first place? …

    Wouldn’t it make more sense to have hunky nude dudes [hi omitted] talking to a female audience about whatever ‘bad’ things 50 Shades promotes?

    Agreed, though … pretty damn weird having naked pornstars suggest watching Boyhood.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The Runs was a great Radiohead album.

  • Noah R.

    I always pictured you as more of a gangster rap kinda guy Taco!

  • Jonah Falcon

    Another thing: John Travolta has been trying to do this project so long he initially cast himself as Johnny Goodboy.

    You didn’t mention the tongues of the women on that planet. Also the racist “Clinkos” (called “Chinkos” in the book) that make the Nemoidians look dignified.

  • Uncle Dan

    “Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain”

  • Is good.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “I’m gonna be the first man in history to have a Caesarean fart!”

    Genius.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “DO YOU WANT LUNCH?!”

    I’m dying.

  • andypants1989

    I watched abut an hour of it in a full theatre. It seemed pretty obvious that about half the audience were fans of the source-material and the other half were simply there to hate-watch it, given that there was audible laughter at every creepy and awkward piece of dialogue or bawdy sexual innuendo. At least a few of these moments were in my opinion deliberate and self-aware moments of humour. Most of this humour comes from Christian saying stuff that reveals what an uncompassionate monster he is and the chicks naivety for not realising.

    From what I have heard about the book it appears to be an improvement as it’s actually about something i.e. an examination of abusive relationships and how immature and superficial women can be seduced by grade-A douchebags. As opposed to the book that seems to be nothing more than third-rate masturbation fantasy. The script-writer, film-makers and actors should also be given credit for crow-barring subtext into what was most likely an incredibly shallow source material. You can tell that the chick suspects that Christian is kind of a douchebag, but projects all of these ideas of him being this romantic chivalric figure onto him because she’s kind of desperate for something interesting to happen in her life and is very unsure of herself and therefore easily seduced by his lifestyle. And you can also tell right away that Christian is a raging narcissist with sociopathic tendencies who is actually just really possessive and domineering, but that she is mistaking this behaviour for chivalry and he is taking advantage of that.

    I had to bail about halfway through as the incredible uncomfortableness of what I was doing started to sink in, but from what I can tell they tried to make it into the anti-Secretary. That movie has pretty much the same premise and is largely thought to have been the ‘inspiration’ for the novel, but where it depicts a healthy BDSM relationship, this does the opposite. I don’t think most people are going to get it and will just come away with the interpretation that either BDSM = abuse or that Christian is super dreamy and BDSM is hot, as opposed to what they were going for, which is that Christian is an emotionally manipulative predator who takes advatange of an immature woman who doesn’t really know who she’s getting involved with because she’s inexperienced with people and that he just happens to be into BDSM, but there was actually some depth to what they were trying to say.

  • Now I Get It

    Forget sleep. Stay hydrated.

  • Warlord X

    Believe it or not, I actually went to see Jupiter Ascending with my Grandfather of all people, since he really is a big fan of space opera in the vein of Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica. After it was over he turned and said to me, “I’m going to have to watch that again on DVD! It was really something!” I will probably gain more enjoyment from the memory of his enjoyment as opposed to the actual movie, but Sean Bean is pretty good in it, despite everything, and there are some really interesting alien and ship designs.

  • Daggoth

    The ending of this was ten times more uplifting than annakin starting his podracer. Pay attention lucas you fuck

  • Palpatine

    Speaking of that scene, in the scene following it we see that Qui-Gon is cleaning a cut on Anakin’s arm and finds out about his midi-chorian count. My question is how did Anakin cut his arm in the first place?

  • Jon

    When Jason and Michael were discussing the Wachowskis they kept ignoring “V For Vendetta.” I need to know what Michael thinks of that movie. Maybe he could review that film in some sort of comedic voice.

  • Palpatine

    Michael and Jason can talk?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Thank you, my foxxy friend. Rich be with you

  • DanceOfBirther
  • DanceOfBirther

    “I was an idiot who saw 1-3 and never saw 4-6.”

    http://youtu.be/Hh5Si9BWt5A?t=1m32s

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn
  • Uncle Dan

    I thought that was from the blood test he had to do to find out how much Force power he had in him?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    When he changed his name to that, even I forgot what it meant.

  • Wicked Ricky

    You hacksters have gone way too mainstream. I remember the times when I could wait a day before watching a video and still be able to get through all the comments.

  • Galactic Shawn

    Jupiter Ascending was so fucking god awful and the characters so boring that by the end I felt a coroner would have to pronounce me dead by overdosing on the blue pill. I expected a lot more out of the creators of Matrix Reloaded.

  • Wicked Ricky

    You are the only guys who would make me want to watch Battlefield Earth.

  • tOmy`

    I am somewhat reluctant about watching it to be honest. Firstly, I never found Breaking Bad to be this incredibly mesmerizing show that everyone talked about. I think it was good, some of it really great, some of it not so much. Everyone talking about foreshadowing and little details here and there like they forgot that it’s not the first show ever to do such stuff. Maybe I am just a cynical HBO fanboy, but Breaking Bad was never even close to many HBO “flagship” projects.

    That said, if Breaking Bad’s only goal was to create the ultimately bad-ass show (and I honestly think that was almost the sole goal of it), they nailed it like no-one else before. Because on bad-ass scale, it really did hit 10/10.

    Secondly, I really do not care that much about the story / plotline of the two characters we liked / loved. Maybe it is because of the fact that I found this show only superb bad-ass, but never found it incredible enough to justify some kind of a weird spin-off about two side characters.

  • OzymandiasAeonis

    It was the will of the force!

  • tOmy`

    Just seeing Charlotte’s name pop up here and there makes me a very happy cheerleader. I don’t even know if she is some superb actor (she is a superb singer, tho) but every time I see her, I am just speechless. Something about this women makes me want to… well, I would say hug her, but that ain’t exactly the case.

  • tOmy`

    Good job, never managed it. But then again, I am a kind of a person to stick a middle finger infront of anyone claiming Harry Potter books are incredibly well written and the movies are Oscar-worthy masterpieces.

  • tOmy`

    This is somewhat shocking, my bet was that since the source material makes toilet paper look like art, I thought the movie will have to be either inherently worse, or just reflecting the awfulness of the book.

    But hey, that may be just a cynicism talking. Both of my parents work in book publishing and the cynicism regarding this book is very strong. Just the idea of marketing this schlock as something unique is utterly hilarious. I recently read some of the B-books from the “women’s summer read” shelfs and you would be surprised how much porn hides behind the “romantic” stories.

    Also, internet.

    But credit where credit is due: They nailed the marketing like motherfuckers.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, I always thought Qui Gin is just running around the galaxy, randomly stabbing people with midi-chlorophyll gadget just to find the person who will fulfill the prophecy and slaughter kids.

    I mean why not?

  • Red Skeleton

    You could make the comparison between the fervour for Harry Potter and 50 Shades, but they’re not even on the same level in terms of writing. 50 shades is barely passably written English, and Harry Potter, at least, feels like an editor went over it.

  • Red Skeleton

    It’s starting to feel like the creator (forgot his name) just wanted to make more Breaking Bad…. wait, did I say that already?

  • Red Skeleton

    http://gotrat.ytmnd.com/

    One of only a handful of YTMNDs I’m NOT ashamed of.
    Yes, it’s true. I used to make too stuff back in the day.

  • TapewormBike

    It’s mostly the same weirdos, though. Shame on you guys.

  • omitted

    Awww. Thanks, I really needed that.

  • Red Skeleton

    You know, if I could just take this opportunity to say that in the 3rd Best of the Worst when they’re watching the fish monster woman bite the dick off the guy, Jessi says “Oh, she just got her period!”

    That’s one of my favorite lines from RLM not just because it’s funny, but because it highlights the fact that some jokes can only be delivered by a woman…. if any of the guy had made that joke it would have just been awkward and unfunny.

  • Red Skeleton

    So how’s leaving the site for a while going, Wormy?

  • The return of the corpse

    tell me about it… all washed away…

  • Rodney Piper is such a cool guy, don’t you think?

  • The return of the corpse

    i always think Quantum of Solace sounds like Supermans North pole particle accelerator.

  • The return of the corpse

    that was when i started calling you Mr Skelington. good times… i had only died once back then.

  • The return of the corpse

    yeah but all chewed up.

  • The return of the corpse

    like being Gollum.

  • The return of the corpse

    did you mean us…. or RLM?

  • Funny how you resurfaced when we were just referencing “They live”.

  • The return of the corpse

    both.

  • The return of the corpse

    each time i die i learn more about the rules… there only seems to be one. but its got a billion clauses.

  • Red Skeleton

    ……….. “Eh wears skirts and doesn’t afraid of anyone?”

    Edit: I’m genuinely not following what you’re getting at there.

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    I’m a flyover cow

    Mooo

  • The return of the corpse

    Flogging a dead Whores.

  • Alex

    He cut himself during the race, that’s what emos do.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7IxliAPjAk

  • tOmy`

    Yep.

    It’s just that very puzzling story of “making shit up as it goes” that really made me laugh sometimes. That being said, I did enjoy reading the books (except the last one, that had this video-game vibe to it, going from mission to mission) but in the end, I found them a bit disappointing.

    Movies were just horrific, imo.

  • The return of the corpse

    Sully this needs a poster! ^
    for a lead, Jim Carrey?

  • The return of the corpse

    thats more a gangbang movie.

  • The return of the corpse

    genius list.

  • Red Skeleton

    the books were fun, and suitably dramatic. The films (minus the first 2 or so) were awful.

  • tOmy`

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, he’s got My Chemical Romance t-shit. If Andrew was around, I would make some trivia about My Chemical Romance hating EMO and making fun of EMO kids, but I am not gonna.

  • The return of the corpse

    it is hard to masturbate in a packed theater.

  • Alex

    Him delivering it with a straight face.
    We might have witnessesed the greatest acting performance since Tommy Wiseau rubbed himself with lingeries & a gun.

  • The return of the corpse

    Rich Evans is God!

  • Yesterday’s conversation about wrestling and how he can teleport anywhere via phone because of Saints Row 4.

  • tOmy`

    I think I sorta cared till the 4th movie. The third book had the best story (imo), as there was something to discover or… some kind of a plot. Shame, that on silver screen, you can see the plot holes you would not notice in the books.
    The 4th one and the whole “tournament” schlock was just too much gamesy for me and then I stopped caring. I remember watching the 5th or 6th one and despite reading the book twice, I totally lost the plot and absolutely did not remember what was actually happening (may have been my own fault).

    Around the moment I saw 50 SS-like super-troopers that can turn into shadows and yet somehow get fucked over by bunch of kids that use the “lose your wand” spell, it got a bit awkward. One of them should have just grabbed two of the kids and keep smashing them to the wall, till their skulls crack.

  • Well, Mike is kind of starting to look like Bill Shatner, so…

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of: I love 5th Element. I think it is widely underrated movie (or, at least, I don’t know many people from my generation who saw it.)

  • Mike the Disney Princess comes first.

  • The return of the corpse

    it was the perfect Verhoeven ComedySpace-fi.
    it got a lot of geek hate at the time. i never got that.
    its not trying to be ‘Blade Runner’ its ‘Spacealls: Redux’.

  • It has Obi Wan Kenobi, John Mclane, a moustache twirling villian and a blue alien opera singer. What’s not to like?

  • The return of the corpse

    premature?

  • Sully

    In Richianity, Rich is both the Father AND the Son.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of “blue alien opera singer”, you just reminded me: Eric Serra’s score was great as well!

  • Sully

    And also with you, brother.

  • Sully
  • Well, he wasn’t as memorable as C-3PO.

  • No, you’re thinking of Han Solo.

  • The return of the corpse

    I do know its Luc Besson. a genius film maker.
    But it stinks of Verhoeven.

  • Punkster

    Obi Wan was long dead!?

  • The return of the corpse

    it wasnt Obi-Wan it was Bilbo.

  • I meant the archetype. Wise sage.

  • The return of the corpse

    Not Mike is the father, Jaysus is the son and The Almighty Rich is… GOD!!!!!

  • The return of the corpse

    penetration is not occupancy!

  • The return of the corpse

    we can all agree on that.

  • I did just now.

  • The return of the corpse

    so did i…

  • The return of the corpse

    Now people might get why i call him Ma Kettle.

  • In that scenario Leeloo is the ring.

  • The return of the corpse

    he was trying to resist the lure of the Bewbs!

  • Red Skeleton

    OH!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVYBbjg2nJo#t=33

    (Also whoever made that vid is a complete fucking idiot)

  • The return of the corpse

    there is only about 20 people doing all of it.
    We would apologise…. but you know…

  • Red Skeleton

    Oh God I had issues with kids defeating the death eatres since book 5. Like, people bitch about how many people died needlessly in Book 7, but I was GLAD because, like, more people should have died in books 5 and 6. They’re goddamn death eaters, man. Kids shouldn’t be holding their own against them. Like I can forgive book 5 MAYBE because Harry had been training them all and they were expecting the kids to be able to fight back but 6 has no excuse.

  • Red Skeleton

    I was going to say jesus this got to 1200 fast. And Andrew’s not even here!

  • TapewormBike

    Well, why are you ask…oh shit (door shutting sound, car starting)

  • The return of the corpse

    i been there man. your first, but comments dont work yet!
    its fine relax.
    http://youtu.be/DXMx9XdL-fs

    If your first to open the window your 1ST!!@Firstsuckit.com!!.
    it goes through as first when the comments activate.

  • The return of the corpse

    no, this is just the beginning!

  • The return of the corpse

    or Magic the Gathering.

  • The return of the corpse

    “Kill all humans… Except for Fry.”

  • The return of the corpse

    What did the Pot say to the Kettle!

  • The return of the corpse

    dude! no! it should be a surprise!

  • Red Skeleton

    Mila Jehovaswitness was so fucking hot in the Fifth Elephant.

  • The return of the corpse

    woh!
    fag has two meanings here.
    Fag=cigarettes
    Fag=Omitted will bitch slap you with his dick!

  • The return of the corpse

    and a cattle-prod! just for fun.

  • tOmy`

    It never bothered me in the book, it did in the movie and big time. (Also, by that point, I grew more cynical).

    I know it’s basically a kids tale, but still… Death Eaters just seemed so weak and useless. Yet the very first scene you seem them in the movie (the burning of the Tournament camp, movie 4), they seem like “don’t fuck with us” bunch. It just took me away from the movie at that point, especially since I really liked the “dark side” in this story.

  • tOmy`

    Yep, the whole time. He got shot in the back.

  • Uncle Dan

    I was wondering if you would say they nailed the marketing like Christian nails Anastasia, but then again considering how badly written the smut is, that’s probably not the best of analogies. If you look up any excerpts online, it clearly reads like the fanfiction it is.

  • tOmy`

    Also: Someone mentioned Blade Runner in the comments and since the remake is upon us, I am gonna introduce you all to our running bet. In the new remake, will Deckard be:

    a) Replicant
    b) Human

    The very obvious, original option c) is not included for following reasons: “That was like the biggest flaw of the movie, man, you need to know that, what was the point of not knowing, where was the Holywood 101 twist, what the fuck, I have to think about this movie, well fuck you.”

    Or something along those lines. Discuss!

  • Uncle Dan

    This is good to hear and actually not all that surprising. The writer might be a hack fraud, but once you make a movie it’s a large collaboration of professionals. They can either take crappy material seriously and actually make something legitimate out of it, or make it cheap and cash in on the franchise, like the Twilight movies. Kinda good to hear they did the former.

  • tOmy`

    You know, one never needs to look further into anything book-related, once he reads what is required to get a “bestseller”.

    *cough cough*

  • tOmy`

    I totally agree but here is a small afterthought:

    Just like with Prequels, is this the story that needs to be told on silverscreen, in 2015? A little movie called Last Tango In Paris comes to mind…

  • The return of the corpse

    so Mike and Jay and every comment i have read missed the obvious reference…

    http://youtu.be/uUtyVg4a6zs

    thats what happens when your SEPP… i mean American.

  • Sully

    Mike is the Holy Spirit and Jay is the Prophet.

  • Sully

    @bartomiejbaran:disqus @Domo_Konnichiwa:disqus

    http://i.imgur.com/UQuRhtP.jpg

  • tOmy`

    I know I already said it, but you, fox, are awesome. Mad pawsskillz.

  • The return of the corpse

    P.k.Dick. is dead… he would turn over in is grave but then hollywould rape his arse.

  • The return of the corpse

    quality work as always Foxxy.

  • Sully

    You get an upvote solely for this…

    http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/2-14-2015/uAcj0a.gif

  • tOmy`

    Too bad he won’t live…

  • Now I Get It

    Hammer: the 1970s go-to studio for girl-on-girl cleavage.

  • Uncle Dan

    Like when they remade Total Recall, right? I wonder what Paul Verhoeven thought of that.

  • Sully

    First off: it’s *Disqus
    Secondly: I was under the impression that the new Blade Runner was going to be a sequel and not a remake.

  • tOmy`

    Oh Rich, really? I was under the impression that the less I know about the movie, the less it’s going to kick me in the stomach when I go and see it.

    Now when I think of it, I may have read about it… So apologies.

    EDIT: Then there is 2nd bet: Soundtrack by

    a) Skrillex
    b) Kanye West
    c) Will.I.AM

  • The return of the corpse

    schism! Mike is clearly the Father. Jaysus is to good not to use So Rich hast to be the holy spirit.
    i went to a catholic school with a teacher we nicknamed “Mr Stiffy.” dont argue with me on dogma!

  • Sully

    Either way, it’ll likely fall far short of the original. Sequel or not, I think it’ll surpass Total Recall‘s remake, as Scott does know how to put a movie together, but he too, like Lucas and so many others from his era, is beginning to fumble more and more these days.

    That being said, my hope remains intact…

    http://www.vectortemplates.com/raster/superman-logo-012.png

  • Uncle Dan

    It’s a book series with millions of dollars behind it already, of course they were going to make a movie to cash in on it. It was probably also relatively cheap to make, so the financial turnaround is probably pretty guaranteed.

    The difference is that watching the Prequels is like watching money burn on screen. I watched the first Twilight movie out of morbid curiousity and was somewhat amused by how cheap it was and that they must have thought “We don’t need to work hard on this, because we’re making money just by making it.”

    Lots of people put a lot of passionate work into the Prequels and it came to a horrible mess and it just feels like such a waste on an otherwise great franchise. If something starts shitty and gets sort of better, that’s not bad.

  • Joe

    I feel like if we get to 1k comments in 24 hours-ish, then either we have the most thoughtful community ever or some of the comments are fluff. 😛

    That said I enjoyed this video, and of course my comment isn’t fluff because I said something super insightful and valuable like “I enjoyed this video”.

  • The return of the corpse

    how do you spell “Ca$h.”?

  • BlowingBubbles

    What movie could possibly be more representative of a girl’s trip to pornstardom than Boyhood? The scene where his uncle molests him, later referenced by the scene where he does his first line of coke off of some guy’s dick is really heartfelt, and just touches the soul of what it is to be a pornstar.

    Wait… what movie are we talking about again?

  • tOmy`

    Now that is the thing I heard tho: From what I understand, Scott is not going to direct it, as he is busy making the Blackgootheus: Planet 2.

    That is a bit outdated information, but I think it still counts.

    EDIT: So this information came from Nov 25 2014. According to some new sources, he will oversee it? And… Now it kinda lost me. So I don’t know.

  • The return of the corpse

    oh yeah…

  • Uncle Dan

    I have a friend whose book choices go by what the new bestsellers are. Points to her for consistently pursuing variety, because I always end up rereading books I already love and only rarely buying something new, but you’re right. Bestsellers are far from any indication of quality.

  • Sully

    We have fluffers?!
    What is this, a porn set?

  • tOmy`

    Ket.

  • The return of the corpse

    no i got deleted and some people are on a break. you wouldnt want to see the last few commentZones.

  • The return of the corpse

    Dosh.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I haven’t poked my lipstick in here yet, but I had to know…Anybody make the obvious joke yet?

    “Jupiter Ascending? I haven’t even met her ascending yet.”

  • The return of the corpse
  • Sully

    That could be good news. Truthfully, all I know so far (and this is just what I’ve heard through the grapevine), is that the film will feature a female lead with just a small part for Harrison Ford, but
    Harrison allegedly loves the script, so…

    Take that as you will.

  • BlowingBubbles

    dafuq?

  • The return of the corpse

    Uranus? let lube it.

  • Sully

    Since when do you have the lipstick, Maybelline?

  • The return of the corpse

    of course you dont get it. you’re [redacted]

  • Sully

    Happy Valentine’s Day, RLM regulars!
    (That’s right! I said, “regulars.” Fuq you view-n-go people)

    P.S. Anyone remember Myspace…?
    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0EfiUC0aY3Q/Uv3JdO_CFJI/AAAAAAAAP3M/rvGMsT3sSQQ/s1600/1HappyValentinesDay-Box-Hearts-9to5.gif

  • Now I Get It

    That’s got to be the commonest literary divide. My best friend growing up couldn’t see the point in any book he had to read more than once; I couldn’t see the point in any book I didn’t.

  • tOmy`

    Same here. All jokes aside, I do look forward to seeing it and I don’t care too much who is going to be the director. I would love to see Ridley returning to the seat (and making 8 alternative endings), but at the same time, after watching Prometheus, I am just not sure (“fumble” part of your reply was spot on.)

    But frankly, I already gave up on hoping that the atmosphere, style and soundtrack will be as good as the original one. It’s just this weird combination of everything coming together perfectly, that I think it is going to be hard to match / top. But still, fingers crossed for this movie to be good. Even the cynical me does not want to see it fail.

  • The return of the corpse

    Funny true story it was my party today and i felt weird about people saying happy birthday. so i started replying Happy Valentines day… just to fuck with them.
    Edit: my toast was. “Happy Birthday to me and Happy Valentines day to everyone else.”

  • Cocktimus Prime

    Speaking of SPACE COPS, when are you fucking frauds gonna release Space Cop?

  • Sully

    ¢₫$h

  • Red Skeleton

    Yes. Happy VD everyone.

  • Red Skeleton

    Don’t be such a dick, Cock.

  • BlowingBubbles

    *Waiting for the funny part* Oh. Oh? Oh….

  • The return of the corpse

    Tuesday.

  • tOmy`

    Pre-Rec stream confirmed?

  • Sully

    People bitch when there’s no content because the boys are off making Space Cop, and when they take a break to release content to keep people from bitching, people bitch because they aren’t making Space Cop fast enough.

    Quicher bitchin’, Cock.

  • Sully

    Should’ve went with “Happy Kwanzaa”, but I like your style.

  • The return of the corpse

    If i where you steve i would be to sad to comment.
    thats why i’m glad i’m not you…. i.e it would be sad…. to be you. get it?

  • Sully

    Me too. I never want to see a film fail. Movies take a lot of time and people and typically money to get on the silver screen, and I always hold hope that they’ll succeed.

  • The return of the corpse

    its Quanzaa?

  • The return of the corpse

    no i just picked a day.
    but TRUE STORY!!! THE NEW Plinkket Review is TOMORROW!

  • BlowingBubbles

    I’s knows ya bees jes jokin’ n sheeit…. but I think people just want a little heads up. At least I do. They don’t have to, it’s their site, but it would be appreciated to just get a little post “Hey guys, nothing new this week, we’re working hard on Space Cop! Time to finish this turd!”

    They did this a few weeks ago on a third party website (Facebook? Twitter? Who cares?) and it shut everyone up right away.

  • Sully

    I’m not lettin’ it go, man animal.
    How about this?
    The Holy Trinity are all incarnations of Rich Evans.
    Then we have Jay the Baptist and The Prophet Mikehammad.

    All bases are covered.

  • Sully

    My spellcheck just called you a horribly inappropriate name.

  • The return of the corpse

    sorry man its all about the Trinity for me. the Father, the Son and the Holly Evans. Schism confirmed?

  • The return of the corpse

    in most eastern languages Qu=K.
    its acceptable in Scrabble! Sue me.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    They released it yesterday, but it’s region-locked to Afghanistan and North Korea.

  • The return of the corpse

    Dobber is Australian slang… and the old playground comes to mind.
    “Diber-Dobbers wear nappy’s.”
    you know who you are you DOBBERS!

  • Sully

    The heads up is they’re not releasing content. Mike’s pretty much confirmed for workaholic, and the other guys are always neck deep one way or another (streams, Pre-Rec, HitB, BotW, shooting Space Cop). They’ve got a ton of shit on their plate, and I always take a lack of content or update to mean that they’re busy.
    Most don’t need their hand held through the crosswalk.

  • Sully

    “Dobber” means something very different in Scotland.

  • The return of the corpse

    Food!
    Edit: my bad thats Dobbin.

  • Sully

    If you like snacking on male genitalia, sure.

  • Sully

    In most western languages Qu=Kw, so…

    I’LL SEE YOU IN WORLD COURT, MOTHERFUCKER!!

  • The return of the corpse

    Scotland is not some generic Celtic joke. it is 1,000 clans that have 10,000 familys and ranges from almost English in the south to flat out Norway in the north.
    My Grand Parents where Shetlanders! so back off!
    Edit: oh shit! I’m, Confirmed for Norwegian!

  • The return of the corpse

    As Australia is a Western County, in the East… this should be interesting(Lawyer for EXPENSIVE!)

  • Sully

    Sorry, brah, but the Holy Trinity has to be One Being.
    It isn’t a case of 3 Beings making a Trinity (1+1+1=3),
    it’s a Trinity making One (1x1x1=1 God)

    I know my theology, too.

  • The return of the corpse

    in Australia its the pussy kid who crys to teacher.

  • BlowingBubbles

    I never doubt that they are working, but as a fan it is nice to know on what. If they don’t know when Space Cop will be finished, that’s fine. Shit happens. No new Half in the Bag this week because fuck you? That’s cool too. Not knowing generates disinterest, while knowing can generate hype.

  • Red Skeleton

    … Are you scottish?

  • The return of the corpse

    i love it when you pretend to be normal and make comments that dont relate to me. shame about the facebook page about me… and the E-Mails.
    my Stalker Steve.

  • Sully

    My entire family on my mother’s side is from Scotland.
    I’m Irish (only 1 generation American) on my father’s, so you back da fuck off before I crack yer napper, ya mingy laddie.

  • Sully

    I’m aware. I have to confess something, Andrew. I’ve been cheating on you. You’re not my only friend from Oz.

  • Sully

    I’m half Scottish, half Irish, all fox.

  • The return of the corpse

    Fathers side is Scottish. Mothers side is Irish convict mixed with Wurundjeri! you dont want that fight.

  • Sully

    There’s enough riffraff around here to keep me content until the next thing comes along. Truth is, I’m constantly working, about 12 hours a day, and I keep RLM on a constant tab on my computer. Why? You crazy fucks are a great source of inspiration.

  • Pedro Oliveira

    Oh, I’m so sorry. I hope it isn’t painful.

  • Sully

    Noice.

  • The return of the corpse

    its cool i’m a many times dead corpse… who is a slut! how do you spell Necropiwhore?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I used to be just 1 tab for the comments section. Now I need 5 or 6 just to keep up with all the different conversations going on in here.

  • The return of the corpse

    och hevern et ye! ye we wish of a bairn

  • Happy Valentines foxy.

  • The return of the corpse

    its three in one!
    it was forced into me in Sunday school.

  • Sully

    I gots my Benjamins bagged and ready.

  • Now I Get It

    I’m so embarrassed I didn’t think of that. That must be what Taco meant (last year?) when he said he had 25 tabs open at once – and only 31 of them were porn.

  • Sully

    I’m a Notif-Check Masta! Luckily my laptop has amazing refresh speed.

  • The return of the corpse

    An early English settler said of the Natives in Australia.
    “You can Laugh at the idea of wooden weapons. Until you see the kind of wood that grows here!”

  • Palpatine

    @disqus_xYONdDQI0r:disqus should make a Photoshop rendering of Michael, Jason, and Freddy in their own version of HitB.

  • The return of the corpse

    why do i get banned for that?
    Edit: oh yeah because Steve E-mailed the Mods like the bitch Dobber that he is.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Ya, I remember that. The problem with the disqus “View in Discussion” mode is that it only includes the conversation you’re having with another person. If there’s other people who’ve joined in the conversation, but aren’t speaking to you, then there’s no way to know. So, to see every possible viewpoint for certain discussions that interest me, multiple tabs all the time.

  • Palpatine

    Isn’t Dobbers the elf from Harry Potter?

  • The return of the corpse

    No. this dobber is not that cool.

  • Sully

    It’s just good old fashioned racism, Andrew. Don’t take it personally.

  • unknownlamejourney

    makes me think of Salem

  • Sully

    There’s a “That’s what she said” joke in there somewhere.

  • The return of the corpse

    its like that. anyone can point the e-mail complaint.

  • unknownlamejourney

    anyone can call somebody a witch

  • The return of the corpse

    its a hardwood?

  • BlowingBubbles

    I usually try not to post these sorts of things. But I just found out that Disqus recommends people for you and I found this mildly amusing.

    http://postimg.org/image/u79bc8n7t/

    How does Disqus know me so well?

  • The return of the corpse
  • unknownlamejourney

    basically the translation says ”it aint nuthin new”

  • Now I Get It

    Yet I see Disqus F-ed me out of a chess joke.

  • The return of the corpse

    keep sucking up steve…. people might forget the part you played in the Gif war.. or the FACT that your A Dobber!.

  • Sully

    I would just go with Necrowhore.

  • The return of the corpse

    i just said i had posted it b4?! Pay Attention!

  • The return of the corpse

    so leave out the pi?

  • unknownlamejourney

    in the end thats all anybody wants

  • Sully

    No, you’re thinking of Dr. Zola.

  • The return of the corpse

    well its all about the Benjamin….

    http://youtu.be/qpMvS1Q1sos

    OH, Wait… my bad.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh, good. It seems we’re not yet past the on-topic phase.

    I love how Jay calls the Twilight man “the Twilight man” because that was exactly my thought when the image popped on the screen.

  • Try using incognito mode on Chrome so it does not run Adblock or any addons at all.

    Or update the FLASH player in chrome.
    https://helpx.adobe.com/flash-player.html

  • unknownlamejourney

    we love to rip into twilight, because we don’t understand it

  • Sully

    Yeah, because that shit gets real tedious.

    Pound Sign: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679821480865132823066470938446095505822317253594081284811174502841027019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094330572703657595919530921861173819326117931051185480744623799627495673518… etc, et-muthafuckin’-cetera.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Are you putting words in “our” mouths or do you include yourself in “us”? If it’s the former, I’m not sure how what I said has anything to do with ripping into Twilight.

  • Michael Collins

    I see the drama has returned.

  • unknownlamejourney

    i was playing the devil’s advocate

  • unknownlamejourney

    what is drama other than an intentional misunderstanding

  • My ex wife

    Preach.

  • My ex wife

    Good tip, thanks.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I see. I think it may not be working.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What are you talking about?

  • Michael Collins

    Your syntax and structure seem familiar.

  • Michael Collins

    Trolls

  • Sully

    I’m always getting some variation of these random assholes in mine, and now they’re all together. I’m going to *follow* all three just to see who/what comes up next.

    http://i.imgur.com/E52oBXP.jpg

    [edit: You just showed up on my list]

  • unknownlamejourney

    are you saying you are a fan of twilight

  • BlowingBubbles

    If you understand it, but still think it’s a big pile of werewolf shit, can you rip on it?

  • unknownlamejourney

    im saying i do not understand it

  • The return of the corpse

    who me other other guy?
    Michelle?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Where do you find that thing anyway? And who’s Emma Hager? And Jack Packard?

  • unknownlamejourney

    are you fishing

  • The return of the corpse

    Phishing?

  • Sully

    Sock Wars: The Drama Awakens

    [Poster pending… a full investigation]

  • My ex wife

    Ohh smooth radio voice Taco. 🙂
    Best of luck.

  • The return of the corpse

    i know its you Random Poster who will be a guest by morning. Michelle thinks your me.

  • Sully

    Is it still called “fishing” when they jump right in the boat?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InENM6fwIwE

  • The return of the corpse

    i’m already triple dead. not much of me left to lose.

  • unknownlamejourney

    i dont even exist remember

  • Michael Collins

    1337

  • Michael Collins

    It’s gone now, but it was cool for a sec..

  • unknownlamejourney

    merely bored people who got nothing else to do but play silly buggers

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Well, I’m out. Send me a message when shit settles, ya? I’m gonna celebrate Valentine’s Day in style.

  • The return of the corpse

    thats not helping!

  • unknownlamejourney

    i never said i was here to help

  • Sully

    I don’t know who Emma Hager is… yet… but Jack Packard’s the guy from that thing.

  • My ex wife

    I hear that’s a good trick!

  • unknownlamejourney

    are you like 4 years old

  • Sully

    My vixen is currently at work, so our festivities have been postbonedponed till this evening. Have fun.

  • The return of the corpse

    i must apologise… but my death cannot be allowed to pass. two people have deliberately targeted me because their timezones are after mine and they see me in the morning but are to lazy to scroll down and read all the other comments and therefor blame me for every thing.

  • The return of the corpse

    shit….. now what do i do?

  • The return of the corpse

    yep.

  • Sully

    Stop communicating with it, and maybe it’ll be reabsorbed by the matrix.

  • unknownlamejourney

    well we could waste our dam time with childish bs or we could talk about something interesitng

  • The return of the corpse

    nope! it will come back. it has 7 times so far.

  • Michael Collins

    Actually, troll singular, would be more apt.

    You’ll notice him reply to himself below..

  • The return of the corpse

    have you seen Utopia?

    http://youtu.be/IhPTUog6DWc

    Dat shit de bom!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I googled it. You could have just told me it was AIDS Moby.

  • The return of the corpse

    Michelle is still under the delusion that everyone who disagrees with her is me.

  • tOmy`

    I am popular! Or I have no life. One of the two.

  • The return of the corpse

    thats not nice!
    he is Harry Voldapotter.
    long story….

  • Sully

    Yeah, that’s him.

  • The return of the corpse

    me too! i have been banned twice… fucking whinging DOBBERS!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Curious… I’m getting Emma Hager too. She has 3728 followers, though, so it may be just Diqus favoring famous people.

  • The return of the corpse

    If the Anti-Media losers strike me down i just return more powerful than they could passably imagine….
    E-mails work way better with Screen caps….

  • BlowingBubbles

    Yeah… whenever Andrew shows up, it’s like an overflowing sewer. The comment section just gets clogged with shit. Have a good Venereal Disease I mean Vaginal Discomfort I mean Vascular Distress I mean have a good day.

  • Michael Collins

    You must hate women a lot if you think referring to someone in the feminine is insulting.

    Did your mommy spank you?

  • TapewormBike

    Well, my mood today is surprisngly Valentiney, I just wanted to tell you guys to have a nice one as well. But..I see that you’re busy….

  • Michael Collins

    What time is it there?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    INSUFFICIENT GRANDMARS: UNABLE TO PROCESS COMMENT

  • The return of the corpse

    Sorry Michelle you thought that was an insult? you Misogynist! i was commenting on you’re….. oh wait… what have you done? other than complain?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Five pm.

  • Michael Collins

    1 am here

  • The return of the corpse

    its funny steve. but only you and Michelle complain about other commenters.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    6:44 AM? …

    Late night or early morning?

  • Sully

    11am here.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    6 pm for me. I was just filling in for Tapey. Because I’m nice. And it’s Valentine’s Day, I’ve heard.

  • BlowingBubbles

    Usually it’s a late night due to my uncontrollable insomnia, but today it’s an early morning.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Is that why it burns when I pee?

  • The return of the corpse

    run Tapey! the turds think E-mailing a complaint like dibber=dobber bitches makes them real people!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Jupiter Ascending? I don’t even know ‘er!

  • Michael Collins

    Ah, he’s in Europe?

  • The return of the corpse

    sorry Taco, its been done.

  • Michael Collins

    Good morning sir.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • The return of the corpse

    Troll is Phishing.

  • andypants1989

    It’s like they read a lot of the criticism of the novel and decided that’s what it was really about when it wasn’t actually ever intended to be. Oh of course Christian is a possessive and exploitative bastard in addition to being a sadist, of course the female character is naive, immature and distracted by his Rich guy life and therefore blind to the red flags of assholery he’s sending out. That’s what E. L. James was going for! When in reality she probably just thinks all men into BDSM are sociopaths or whatever.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Pro-ta-gon-ist.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    *Car running for a bit because it’s cold as tits. Gotta let that sucker warm up.*

  • Sully

    ‘Mornin’, Mikey.

  • The return of the corpse

    if you paid attention you would know that. and his homeland and city he mentioned it a few times.
    if you read posts rather than complained about them you might get the whole flow around here.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Is this because I’m half black? RACIST.

  • Sully

    Andrew, might I suggest ignoring them completely. If they leave a comment – Ignore it. If the talk shit – Screencap it and email it to Admin.
    Feeding a troll does nothing but give them fuel and get you banned.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Those were my favourite scenes.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Hey!

    I’ve been getting help for my syrup guzzling. I now only do it on days that end in ‘y’ …

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    What didn’t he eat? 😉

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yo, Taco, I just wanted to say I feel bad for not contributing in your project. I would’ve if I could’ve from where I was at the time. Still, I’m glad you met your goal anyway.

    # @mitchelltaconash:disqus

  • The return of the corpse

    while that is Tru Dat.
    i dont care any more.
    the dead only have vengeance. i was playing b4. now i dont give a shit.

  • Red Skeleton

    Maybe. Or maybe it’s just your hot sauce.

  • The return of the corpse

    thats my theory.

  • Sully

    I wanna watch Jupiter Descending.

    http://i.imgur.com/d3eXKSy.jpg

  • Now I Get It

    On second thought: sorry if “Jerusalem Syndrome” was glib. I took your trouble to be anxiety…

    http://redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-bag-inherent-vice-and-oscar-buzz/#comment-1848661332

    which is more often self-inflicted than depression.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Thanks. I was hoping I didn’t sound too nervous and/or awkward. I just mostly didn’t want to stammer.

  • Sully

    Is she famous or is she “famous?” I’ve honestly never heard of her.

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    Wrong again.

    Rich said:”Baby Jesus is an asshole” and this sacred picture that was drawn from real life clearly shows he is disappointed with Jesus. Rich cannot be disappointed with himself, he is too awesome.

    Check your facts before you say something. UNSUBSCRIBED!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Thanks. 🙂 It’s all fine and dandy. We went above and beyond our goal anyway so now we’re solely focused on the film itself.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    At least she’s Diqus famous. She must be proud of herself.

    Note how I assume everyone using Diqus is as miserable as we are here.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I may never get used to these thousand+ comments that arrive so quickly.

  • Sully

    Don’t forget to sell out. You’ll never make it without those not-so subtle onscreen product shoutouts.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’ll be sure to donate a dollar or two once you’re starting your first Hollywood production… in the future…

  • Now I Get It

    More to do with the growth of particular commenters than that of the webzone.

  • Sully

    Are we in misery? It’s like having your own private circus daily.
    Of course as a talking fox, I am obviously one of the main attractions.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s acute expression.

  • Sully

    Damnit, Maggit! How da fuq am I supposed to unsee that?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’ll take longer than Space Cop.

    Wait, what’s longer than infinity?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Don’t worry. I have about 2 minutes of screen time dedicated to a fight inside of an IHOP.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • BlowingBubbles

    Boyhood’s running time.

  • Sully

    In Christianity all the Bible humpers thumpers around here believe that J.C. and God are one in the same, even though J.C. asks God (himself) why he has forsaken him, so it’s possible that Rich could both be the Father as well as his own disappointing Son (kinda like how Plinkett’s son is sucha fuq up).

    The thing about Richianity is, you can’t question it otherwise you’re denied 7 times 70 Years of Content in the next world.

  • 24601

    I found it kind of immersive and kind of fun at times, but there was too much unfocused silliness which was quite distracting.

    One would think that the 3 antagonists (the siblings) would either be fighting each other, would try to ally with one against the other, or would be of a singular purpose… But one just kind of disappears, one gets rejected at the altar so to speak, and one was power hungry, but not so power hungry as to ignore arbitrary rules in order to be the ruler.

    The laser air skates were kind of hokey too.

  • Sully

    What’s your target runtime?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m just running with the gag. We all know there isn’t really anything shameful in being up on the Wall of Shame, right? Right?

  • tOmy`

    Plinkett.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yeah, but what did you think about John Travolta’s performance?

  • Red Skeleton

    I don’t get it.
    Oh wait!

  • Sully

    Do you think Jupiter Ascending would’ve made a better tv/stream series?

  • Sully

    We aim for shame.

  • TapewormBike

    Don’t worry about that, man:)

  • Something wrong? You mean to tell me that isn’t Orson Welles and he didn’t play Buddy Holly?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Said the fox with its tail between its legs.

  • Now I Get It

    Hokey pokey.

  • Red Skeleton

    Gary Owens, voice of….. everyone loads of characters and famous announcer has died.

    🙁 RIP

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2953160/Garry-Owens-voice-Space-Ghost-Roger-Ramjet-passes-away-aged-80.html

  • tOmy`

    I used to do this on AV Club (more reading and F5-spamming, rather than feeding you with my bullshit, as I do here). Then came the RLM moment in my life (regarding commenting) and I chose to stop paying close attention to AV Club and focus my “efforts” here, rather than going batshit insane from all that drivel.

  • Red Skeleton

    The original Space Ghost, Powdered Toast Man on Ren and Stimpy, Roger Ramjet, Dirk Niblik of the Math Brigade on Square One TV…. Gary from Dinosaurs, More Dinosaurs, and Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs Dinosaurs…

  • Sully

    Oh man. That one hit me right in the feels.

  • 24601

    I saw B.E. 15 years ago…. Too young to perceive just how dumb it was I suppose.

  • Sully

    I wear my tail proudly, I’ll have you know.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Updated Story Time

    Last video I mentioned a one-page script of mine for a short format screenwriting class had been selected by a filmmaking class to shoot. It was about a man on a roof about to commit suicide when he saw a woman on an adjacent roof about to do the same. He yells out to her to stop her, they look at each other, and they both decide not to jump. That’s about it.

    So, the group that got my script changed things, like I mentioned. Well, this past weekend they shot the film. So now not only have they changed both characters to being female and put them on the same roof, but now they’re on a bridge … I just don’t understand the logistics of two strangers jumping from a bridge. The separation between the two was important, which is why I put them on two different roofs. I mean, you can have them apart on a bridge, but it makes things really tricky and you can’t have the stare down and contemplation that was intended.

    I can’t wait to see the finished products [each member makes their own cut]. Heck, I kind of want to see the footage before it’s edited [they shoot using a Bolex camera, which means it’s celluloid and silent]. I mostly want to see how much they [may have] butchered my script. I could always be pleasantly surprised, but I doubt it.

    The crap thing is that some of these people are my friends. I’d feel bad asking them to omit my name from the credits. Perhaps I’ll ask for the footage so I can edit my own version … where I remove all the footage and shoot it again myself. 😉

  • Sully

    Just clapping away in my nightmares…. and clapping… and clapping… and clapping….

  • tOmy`

    Hey! Your country got a nice screentime during one of this season’s Top Gear. And few really neat jokes. Because racism.

    Also: Outback looks fantastic through BBC’s camera lenses.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s a good idea! I should also include Target!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Wear? Is that because it got shot off?

    CONFIRMED FOR FANTASTIC MR. SULLY!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Wear? I don’t even noear!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’ve checked out the AV Club comments section. It goes by at crazy speeds then died off in an instant because they comments are on articles that come and go quickly.

    Not easy to get into unless you’ve been there for a while. I get the memes used here and we may be more welcoming to newcomers.

  • I didn’t know he was a guest on Space Ghost C2C. I remember him (the OG Space Ghost) from old Hannah-Barbera cartoon reruns on Cartoon Network in the mid-nineties. Sad. Did he play Doctor Quest, too?

  • Now I Get It

    Several years back, I paid the printer an extra $50 to remove the director’s name from my posters and programs after I fired him from my Fringe play. Totally worth it, in an “I couldn’t live with myself otherwise” way.

  • Sully

    That was always my biggest fear going in to screenwriting.
    The shit thing about the industry is, you may sell a screenplay and the film never gets made, but you’ll see scenes and bits of conversations from those sold scripts show up in other, completely unrelated movies and tv shows. It used to piss me off so bad, but I got used to it. It’s still sooo fucking weird though.
    The biggest bummer is, you never get credit for that kind of shit either.

  • tOmy`

    I am just checking reviews of TV shows I am watching or an article I am somewhat interested in.

    There was a lot of gold hiding in comment section below Kanye vs. BECK article.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I dunno… Maybe there could be two bridges really close apart from each other. Can I have my name in the credits?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I almost feel like sharing my short script on here, actually. I’d appreciate criticism.

    It’s only in its second draft. I gave myself a limitation of one page. The way I wrote it is … strange. One word descriptions for a lot of things. I grew to like it though. It felt right with the story I wanted to tell. I still have to change things if I ever get around to it. The ending needs to have more oomph to it.

  • tOmy`

    Subtle edit. Worth it.

  • Now I Get It

    The original script for “Alien” was exactly that – a word, a phrase describing the thing being shot, as opposed to a specific camera angle or movement. It’s a cool read.

  • tOmy`

    I guess that is one of the beautiful privileges of native speakers – it took me some time to actually figure out what “the bends” is. Always thought it somehow reflects “body shape” of the said baby.

  • Sully

    Yeah, there’s no right way to write a screenplay. Anyone that tells you otherwise is trying to sell a book. Scripts are almost all different depending on the kind of story you’re trying to sell.

  • Sully

    Sliding patio door accident.

  • You just made me realize that I enjoyed Thunderpants more than Boyhood

  • Lt Hurwitz

    It turns out that Rich Evans and Mr. Plinkett are the same person all along…Jay wakes up from a dream where he’s been at the bottom of Lake Michigan for two months…Mike stares at the Rich Evans baby picture muttering to himself. Fade to Black. Gunshot.

  • Hubert Vigilla

    Man, Jupiter Ascending is the biggest pile I’ve seen in a long damn time

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    Rich Evans is a being of absolute power and beauty. The way I see it, manifesting himself in the form of something disappointing defeats that. He shouldn’t really care about species that is capable of remaking Robocop enough to consciously send a savior i.e. God/Rich the Son. He just prank called a random woman because he was bored. And the result was disappointing.

  • Sully

    He did it just to troll us. Rich Evans is a vengeful, spiteful God (Hence Jack).

  • Mark Bisone

    Hmmm… that Emma Hager chick showed up on my list too. But when I look at her comments, it’s all fashion shit.

  • Sully

    Are you a closet fashionista, Mark? You’d tell us if you were, wouldn’t you?

  • Mark Bisone

    If by that you mean, “Do I have any fashion models locked in my closet,” the answer is “Not right now, no.”

  • Brack to the Future

    As an alien I would suggest reading Dianetics, cover-to-cover, as Elron sensibly says in the intro. Also, sexuality is trivial: your human comedian Louis Szekely CK says it best, “men need to come.”

  • Sully

    Come where?

  • Brack to the Future

    Hither, possibly yon and if you’re like my friends, many times a day.

  • Sully

    And what will I do when I get there… or here?

  • Brack to the Future

    Generally, if you’re human, be relieved and make better decisions.

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh no Forest Whitaker? First he ruins The Crying Game, now he makes me eliminate solid waste into my own pantaloons?

  • Sully

    Ohhhh…. you mean *cum!

  • Brack to the Future

    Apparently they stack it 5 feet high, and only the Ashton of the Kutcher will contribute DNA to it.

    http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01637/SNN1425E—_1637400a.jpg

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Is there a way to easily share PDFs online?

  • I’ll drink to because of that.

  • Brack to the Future

    I’m not sure what that word means. I mean “release the pressure of the epididymis by spasm of ejaculation.”

  • I’ll drink to because of that.

  • Have a nice v-day.

  • I’ll drink to because of that.

  • Sully

    So, in gayman’s layman’s terms, what you’re saying is, “men are constantly on the prowl for chicks hurtin’ for a squirtin’?”

  • Brack to the Future

    Being a Producer means having the power to get these girls to make out on film. Start being a Producer instead of a cameraman.

  • Now I Get It

    No, only through email, at my address, along with a $545 reading fee via PayPal.

    TIP FOR BEGINNERS: Never pay anyone less than $545 to read your stuff. Anyone who charges less is just stealing your time and morale. Oh, and your money.

  • Brack to the Future

    To note: Ripley is much less manly, and possesses something less of an arborvitae in her underpants.

  • Brack to the Future

    Ranging into anti-joke chicken here: I’m with Ernest Borgnine and Louis CK, that human males need to ejaculate at least once a day.

    However, if it’s consensual, and he’s got a receptive poop-chute, I say try for it, Sully!

  • Now I Get It

    I can’t recall that, but I can believe it.

    I saw a similar, almost wholesale change, from Mamet’s original draft of “Homicide”, which ran a b-plot featuring anti-black racism parallel to the a-plot featuring anti-Semitism. But the final film featured almost none of the black stuff.

    I think Mamet was just using the earlier draft to compare how the two peoples handle racism, as, time was, he thought the blacks had managed it better than the Jews.

    I don’t know what the thinking was in “Alien”.

  • Percy Gryce

    I liked how the balloon was a practical effect and not some generic CGI piece of shit.

  • HeftyJo

    I actually read the entire 1050 page Battlefield Earth novel. The terrible movie only covers the first half of the book and completely mangled what was otherwise a fairly interesting Sci-Fi epic. The Psychlos were a dominate race in the galaxy because they possessed the technology to manipulate space-time. Their space craft didn’t have engines but rather a device that interacted directly with space-time to propel the ship through three dimensional space. The also possessed a teleportation technology to ship the elements they mined from other worlds back to their home planet. The Psychlos weren’t just after gold but a variety of useful elements because they had already hollowed out their home world of raw materials all the way down to their planets core. The Psychlos, Terl, was jut interested in gold specifically because he wanted to smuggle it back to his planet to sell and make himself a millionaire to pay his way off of planet Earth. The reason he needed the humans is because the vein of gold was mixed with radioactive metals. This was a problem because the Psychlos breathe-gas would explode if it came in contact with highly radioactive material. The humans weren’t the Psychlos slaves like in the movie but were instead nearly wiped out by giant ships that the Psychlos teleported into Earth’s atmosphere and bellowed out poison gas. It was only the people that were surrounded by radiation sources that managed to survive and became tribes that lived in houses and rode horses using pre-19th century levels of technology. If the movie had attempted to even somewhat stay with the major premises of the book it might have been halfway entertaining.

  • Now I Get It

    Apparently in Hollywood all mug shots are done outdoors. What a perk.

  • Percy Gryce

    Alan Smithee?

  • Sully

    Male and female foxes look very similar. Shit happens (no pun intended).

  • Percy Gryce
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    He’s retired, I hear. Not sure who I can hire to ‘write’ this new one [I know Alan usually directs].

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I knew you’d have my brack.

  • TapewormBike

    Couldn’t you politely (I know it’s hard for you Canadians) ask them to credit you as “based on a story by” or something? Also, I understand EXACTLY how you feel,, but this early in the career, don’t you wanna get some credits under your belt, even on such small projects?

  • BlowingBubbles

    I’d still do her.

  • TapewormBike

    Sleepy time for my gf means RLM peeps time for me. Sooooo, farts, huh?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    What movie would you rather force your GF to sit through?

    Battlefield Earth or Jupiter Ascending?

    *In English, and you can’t translate for her. She has to figure out the synopsis just by the visuals.

  • TapewormBike

    Honestly, you could put Guardians of the Galay in there too, all the same result. “This looks weird, why do you like this?…….Nevermind”

  • Vengeful Eagle

    Labyrinth
    Innerspace
    Blazing Saddles
    The Phantom Menace

  • TapewormBike

    Speaking of better halves, how was your husband coping with the anxious wreck of your former wonderful self during the RLM Content Drought of 2015?

  • TapewormBike

    Did Sully make like a gillion jokes about furries and Tatum? Because he should.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    ??

    I’m putting two questions marks there because Disqus requires at least 2 characters. Motherfucker!

  • TapewormBike

    I was just assuming we were all on the edge without new vids. !!

  • My ex wife

    Domo is unflappable I assume.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Nope. i’m always pretty hunky dory. He says hello, by the way. He knows you as the Czech Wormy.

  • TapewormBike

    Or even worse, not addicted to online review site.

  • TapewormBike

    And the worm says hiya back.

  • My ex wife

    Evidence says otherwise. 🙂

  • TapewormBike

    Speaking about sci-fi with broad acting, I recently finally watched Lang’s Metropolis (I am a bad movie nerd) and boy did it manage to hold my attention. Also, talk about spectacle, my mouth was open half the time with how incredible the production was.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Hey now. This is cheaper and more fun than cable.

  • TapewormBike

    Plus, the cable comment sections suck.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    A guy gets on a long-distance flight. He’s just getting comfortable when somebody sits down next to him. He looks up and wow, it’s Garry Kasparov. Kasparov basks for a moment in the recognition. Some way into the flight, the meals are cleared away and Garry produces an elegant little wooden travel chess set. He begins to play. After a while Kasparov asks the guy whether he would like to play chess to kill time. The guy replies, “Hey Garry, You think I don’t know who you are? I can’t compete with a world champion.” Kasparov replies, “‘How about if I play left handed?” The guy thinks about this for a minute, then agrees. He is demolished in 8 moves, and is inconsolable for the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend, who asks him how the flight was. “It was terrible,” he says. “Completely humiliating. I played chess with Garry Kasparov and he beat me in spite of him playing left-handed!” His friend replies – “Ha! You were swindled! Dude, Garry Kasparov is left-handed!!”

  • My ex wife

    This place is catching up fast tho!

  • TapewormBike

    You seem awfully socky to me…

  • TapewormBike

    Speaking of Fritz Lang, how about an interview with him, lead by W. Friedkin? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=or0j1mY_rug

  • My ex wife

    I don’t understand. 🙁

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    Yeah? And who could that… *cough-cough-Roberto-Orci-and-Alex-Kurtzman-cough* Sorry, a bit sick lately.

    And who could that be?

  • Palpatine

    While I’ve never seen Metropolis, I don’t think it’s a secret that the original design for C-3PO was based off the robot from that movie:
    http://www.worker-studio.com/uploads/1/7/6/1/17613657/star_wars_r2d2_c-3po_ralph_mcquarrie_desktop_1920x1080_hd-wallpaper-1054461.jpg

  • TapewormBike

    Just a little reference to the craziness with Andrew and the troll(s) and whatnot

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    Just the couple frames and posters that show up in Google Image search look amazing. And I heard good things about it. Putting it on my “to watch” list.

    Too bad the list is longer than Boyhood.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I sat down and massaged my script a bit before putting it up on this website. Also, putting it on the website was a challenge. Lol.

    Anyway, here it is for anyone interested. I limited myself to only using one page. Feedback would be appreciated.

    https://www.scribd.com/doc/255770996/The-View-is-Nice-Up-Here

  • Epifanes

    I’ve missed that laugh, the Richness of it…

  • TapewormBike

    It’s surprisingly easy to get past the big gestures and the really obvious simple socio-political message and just enjoy the heck out of it.

  • Sully

    You should really check it out. It’s currently streaming on Netflix (both Metropolis and Metropolis (restored) ).

  • Sully

    Not yet, but contrary to popular belief, I’m not actually a furry.
    I’m just… furry.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I could, yeah. I’ll wait to see the footage, though.

  • Palpatine

    What’s the difference between them?

  • TapewormBike

    I know, which is why I thought you would dig into the skinny(heh), posers.

  • Sully

    About 65 Minutes.

  • Sully

    I haven’t seen the movie yet. Is he really a wolf-man?

  • TapewormBike

    I have not seen the movie either, but from all I have heard and seen, yup.

  • TapewormBike

    2. ?????????????
    3. Profit

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I put a link to the script down below in a reply to Gryce.

  • Sully

    As much as people are panning this film, I’m getting more and more intrigued. I’ll probably still wait till it’s a rental, but I’m definitely gonna have to check this one out.

  • TapewormBike

    I am there totally with you

  • TapewormBike

    I’ll check it out

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I also edited it into my first comment above.

  • TapewormBike

    Already read it. Want my opinione?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    We, which is French for ‘yes’.

  • TapewormBike

    You are really good at quickly setting the mood, I think I could pretty much feel the emotions you were putting on the page and it was also quite easy to envision it. You also got visual storytelling down, which is great. As far as what they did with it, yeah, those seem like weird changes. However, I would not go without doing punch-ups on it myself. It’s a good premise, but it needs to slap you at the end for a good short movie. The simplest thing I can think of now is something akin to – when the guy realizes how foolishly he’s being behaving, we can stay on his face and a faint smile, while he walks away and then we suddenly hears the sounds of the metal door again and running. This is just me being a bit more cynical, but what I am trying to convey is that there should be a slight kick, so it just doesn’t fade away. Sorry, for rambling though, I liked it.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m glad you liked it. I tried being visual without explicitly framing any shots. it’s a delicate balance. I don’t write too many stories.

    I’m trying to wrestle with giving it a bit more of a kick when he realizes he’s not going to jump, or the realization itself should have more of a kick. Perhaps I shouldn’t limit myself to one page. That was a creative choice to make it both a quick read and to have it rather short because they’re shooting on film, which is costly.

    Wait, you want him to go back and jump off the building? XD I’m not sure that fits with the theme I was going for. I