Half in the Bag: IT (1990) and IT (2017)

September 10, 2017411 Comments

Boooooo Mike and Jay do a double feature of the original TV miniseries adaptation of Stephen King’s IT as well as the new theatrical version of IT.


Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Mistah J.

    Clowns are not scary.

  • MichaelKz

    When are they going to remake Cat’s Eye?

  • MichaelKz

    You clearly have not beheld the demonic visage of Eloisecole.

  • sui-sui

    you know this review about clowns will be accurate because it features two of them!

  • stryker1121

    The clowns in Congress have done it again…

  • Steven Gibbs

    Needs more spikes

  • Andrew Carter

    So is this the film that’s set to launch the Stephen King Cinematic Universe? Because that Dark Tower movie didn’t do too well

  • Pop Culture Reference

    A scary guy in a silly costume who molests children? Wait, why isn’t this about the handsy priests in the Catholic Church?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It had more box office longevity than your garden variety Trump Chief of Staff.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    … and a fair share have raped Congressional pages.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Or Kellyanne Conway when she de-sleeves from her human skin containment unit.

  • stryker1121

    I could go a million years without some would-be wit talking about the gangbang from the book. That was never going to appear in the movie, ever in life, so kindly shut your yap about it. YOU’RE NOT COOL is what I’m saying.

  • Ret Marut

    Stephen King + Cocaine = IT.

  • Tristan Noelle

    Yes, at the end of the credits you hear Pennywise laugh obnoxiously.

  • 😮

  • FiachSidhe

    “All the book readers always bring up the gangbang like they’re in the know”…..
    *proceeds to do the same.

  • FiachSidhe

    Also the co-author is not so much cocaine, as H.P. Lovecraft.

  • TheVerySpecialK

    You mean there isn’t a post-credits underage gang-bang scene?

  • Slograman

    You forgot the part in the book where a stuttering child bites the spider’s tongue (in a Native American ritual, of course!) and stairs into Its eyes… to defeat It.

    Yeah, a lot of that book is stupid bullshit.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    There’s no rape in IT. Even if there were, that wouldn’t be funny. Not because you can’t make a joke about rape, but because you suck at making jokes.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Do you have a really big chin and a car collection?

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    I’ve been reading the comments here. You guys have the least funny fans I have ever fucking seen.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    That is neither accurate nor funny. You suck at heckling.

  • stryker1121

    I’ll see you in hell,William Munny.

  • stryker1121

    I wish!

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Yeah.

  • Surf Orich

    Ok, am I the only one who doesn’t think clowns aren’t scary? They’re lame and embarrassing, not scary.

    From this review it sounds like Stephen King himself is scarier than a clown. Someone should make a movie about an creepy sex pervert writer who’s rambling, disgusting stories come to life, filling a small, unsuspecting town with underage gang bangs.

  • stryker1121

    Cool that you had to edit this brilliant and scorching put-down. How many minutes did it take for you think of this addendum?

  • DasKleineTeilchen

    They’re lame and embarrassing, not scary

    for little kids they sure are…scary, I mean. and wasnt that one of the major points in IT? in “IT!” I mean…its still in IT…in you…the little kid, I mean.

  • DasKleineTeilchen

    always thought

    stephen king + cocaine = the tommyknockers?!?

    actually the only book from him I really liked.

  • DasKleineTeilchen

    sez the guy with the joker-avatar.

  • Marc Greene

    One change to help fix it: bring back Richie’s fear of werewolves by maybe having him scared of an 80’s version like The Howling.

    Also, I think they cut the scene that introduced “Beep Beep, Ritchie”. Pennywise said it, but it wasn’t something any of the Losers said so it made no sense

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    I’m not a Stephen King fan. I’ve read a few of his novels – most of them in jail, when it was either that or romance novels. (I also read Rage in my house, because I heard it was banned, but that was a waste of time. Anyway.) That Lovecraftian Turtle vs. Spider conflict is the essence of what’s wrong with King: his stories are almost always Manichean with no shades of grey, and once you notice that you just end up rolling your eyes through the rest of the narrative. Evil ancient chthonian horror vs. tough-but-vulnerable kids and the eternal Turtle. Really?

    The only good book he’s written that I’ve read is Cujo, because the dog isn’t to blame and the baby dies at the end [spoilers!] – and he’s stated repeatedly that he regrets having the kid die at the end. It was the only good thing you ever wrote, dude!

    Side note – the fact that the 1990 TV movie had the scary werewolf be Michael Landon’s from I Was a Teenage Werewolf should explain a lot about how stupid the people who made that were. “It has to be from the ’50s!” Jesus, what assholes.

  • Chowderbatter

    Mike and Jay saying “That’s right, Mike/Jay” is right up there with Rich Evans laughing or saying “Oh, my god” or the Nerd Crew saying “Very cool.”

    It’s like a delicious potato chip. I can’t have just one.

  • Chowderbatter

    More like Sh…It.

    Amirite?

  • Chowderbatter

    >> most of them in jail

    You buried the lede, champ. Do tell.

  • Chowderbatter

    But seriously… I read a Stephen King novel. Once. It was The Dead Zone. It was clearly written for a sixth grade level. Not my thing. It was like reading a coloring book.

    Jail seems like the perfect and only place one should read King.

  • Chowderbatter

    Clowns are as scary as zombies. Which is to say, not at all.

  • Chowderbatter

    Vampires are much scarier.

    They are smart, durable as hell, can transform into mist, rats, wolves. They bite, suck your blood. On and on.

    But truth to tell, the scariest monsters are CEOs of multinational corporations. They commit mass murder passively and are impossible to apprehend. Vampires ain’t got shit on them.

  • Chowderbatter

    It’s Stephen King.

  • Chowderbatter

    The hack who literally hacks.

  • Chowderbatter

    You are both devil and dinosaur. Neither funny.

  • Chowderbatter

    Zing!

    Once again the horrors of reality trump the horrors of fiction.

  • Chowderbatter

    With Aliens as the template, we know that the sequel always means more.

    So, the sequel to this film will be called Its and it will feature a scene where a never ending parade of murderous clowns emerge from a tiny car.

  • Chowderbatter

    Everyone who knows knows the sequel to the original It should have been about John-Boy Walton’s mutating, murderous facial mole.

  • DanceOfBirther

    I hate John-Boy and his mole.

  • DanceOfBirther

    I hate John-Boy and his mole.

  • Moist

    In the book Under The Dome there was an entire chapter that hinged on whether or not a dog would obey a command given by a ghost. After the resolution, the results are nullified by a random shotgun blast.

    In the book Duma Key a gentleman is given the ability to see pirate fairies after suffering a horrific accident. There was some stuff about painting too but it was fucking dumb. Fuck you, Florida. Fuck you, Irma, for not ridding us of Florida once and for all.

  • FiachSidhe

    You’re neither intelligent nor insightful. Amazing at fanboying though. Top notch!

  • FiachSidhe

    “The only good book he’s written that I’ve read is Cujo, because the dog isn’t to blame and the baby dies at the end [spoilers!”

    Yeah man you’ve really got your finger on the pulse of comedy. Get it? The baby dies at the end and that’s the part Devil Dinosaur likes! Dead baby joke!
    We just aren’t phunni like DD here.

  • Bleurgh

    Clowns are more creepy than scary, there’s just something unsettling non-human about them. I have a few theories as to why. Firstly the over-abundance of make-up and grotesquely exaggerated features put them right in the middle of the uncanny valley. It triggers the same basic cringing psychological response you would get from seeing someone who is profoundly sick or diseased. Also the fact that they’re meant to be funny and fail so terribly just makes them kind of weird and unsettling. Non-medy can be kind of terrifying in it’s sheer baffling wtf-ness. There’s also something really disturbing about pantomime, like someone trying and failing to communicate with you. It automatically makes you feel like you are witnessing a person in distress, which naturally triggers a fear response.

  • Ronnie Tyler

    What a sad state of affairs. I just watched two guys who made their bones with films about a prostitute-murdering psycho nearly burst into tears about the use of “the other F word” in a film. And then just to show us how morally superior they are to the rest of us, they made fun of two catastrophic weather events … both of which have death tolls, and one of which is still happening. Why? Oh because them folks are rednecks, unlike the enlightened Wisconsin liberals these jokers have become.

    Word to the wise, Mike and Jay: Hollywood will still never accept you.

  • The Brosevelt

    This has been discussed before but I believe non-horror fans, such as myself, will enjoy this movie more. I dislike the horror genre greatly and find it quite disturbing. I never see horror or ultra violent/gore films. So, when I went to see IT, I was not only genuinely frightened but also entertained. Masterpiece it is not but IT was a good movie that I enjoyed. I likely will never see another horror movie though. It’s not rational just the way it is for me. I believe then a jump scare is now novel for me, whereas it is old hat to Mike/Jay. I also think for a child’s perfective, IT’s torturing is right on the money. If I saw that dangling half girl in a closet, I would die if paralyzingly fear as a child.

    Plus, King is a crazy psycho and his writings are mediocre. I have always been amazed at his success.

  • The Brosevelt

    This has been discussed before but I believe non-horror fans, such as myself, will enjoy this movie more. I dislike the horror genre greatly and find it quite disturbing. I never see horror or ultra violent/gore films. So, when I went to see IT, I was not only genuinely frightened but also entertained. Masterpiece it is not but IT was a good movie that I enjoyed. I likely will never see another horror movie though. It’s not rational just the way it is for me. I believe then a jump scare is now novel for me, whereas it is old hat to Mike/Jay. I also think for a child’s perfective, IT’s torturing is right on the money. If I saw that dangling half girl in a closet, I would die if paralyzingly fear as a child.

    Plus, King is a crazy psycho and his writings are mediocre. I have always been amazed at his success.

  • The Brosevelt

    This has been discussed before but I believe non-horror fans, such as myself, will enjoy this movie more. I dislike the horror genre greatly and find it quite disturbing. I never see horror or ultra violent/gore films. So, when I went to see IT, I was not only genuinely frightened but also entertained. Masterpiece it is not but IT was a good movie that I enjoyed. I likely will never see another horror movie though. It’s not rational just the way it is for me. I believe then a jump scare is now novel for me, whereas it is old hat to Mike/Jay. I also think for a child’s perfective, IT’s torturing is right on the money. If I saw that dangling half girl in a closet, I would die if paralyzingly fear as a child.

    Plus, King is a crazy psycho and his writings are mediocre. I have always been amazed at his success.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Turns out the underage gangbang was in the post credit sequence. So you guys missed out on that.

  • Colin Strieby

    I watched Lake Mungo with my friends on Jay’s recommendation from this review and now i don’t have friends. It didn’t have any jump scares , true, but it also didn’t have…scares. “When you see it” photos haven’t been scary since 2003, and showing the same one slowly zooming in like five times did’t make seeing it the sixth time somehow more terrifying. Everyone fell asleep.

  • Chomiq

    Jay, you can’t remove black kid from the movie! They’d be left with all white cast,

  • The whole soundtrack will just be loud clanging sounds.

  • Not to rain on your parade but I think SpecialK already beat you to this joke a little ways down.

  • They made that. It’s called “In the Mouth of Madness” by John Carpenter.

  • They made that. It’s called “In the Mouth of Madness” by John Carpenter.

  • Vampires aren’t scary they’re just effective at what they do. I can’t remember a single vampire movie that ever scared me, from like age 4 and up (that’s generally where my movie-watching memories begin). Vampires are kind of like xenomorphs in that I don’t think anyone is so much scared by them anymore as much as they see them as “cool”.

  • Terriosaurus Hex

    Wow…so all my friends that bang on about how scared they are of clowns and how it was all to do with the terrifying IT miniseries that I should totes see because it is terrifying…were scared by THAT??? Haha! The bloody idiots. It looks shit. The book sounds shit.
    The recent adaptation has to basically try and turn a turd back into the roast dinner it promised us it once was. The drama sounds good though, I’ll probably enjoy it for what it is, not what it markets itself to be. A coming of age drama with some faint horror flavouring is alright for a distraction. Still going to laugh at those idiot friends, they deserve it for hyping that crap up.

  • The only good in the original is Tim Curry’s performance. He really is fantastic in it – like he’s not scary, but he has such a powerful, playful presence. The “horror” element of it kind of more comes out of how casually he tells you he’s going to eat you – but it needed to be contrasted with some actual horror – because thematically it makes sense for him not to be scary as the clown. They say the reason he turns into a clown is to lure kids in, and his personality sells that aspect pretty well.

  • The only good in the original is Tim Curry’s performance. He really is fantastic in it – like he’s not scary, but he has such a powerful, playful presence. The “horror” element of it kind of more comes out of how casually he tells you he’s going to eat you – but it needed to be contrasted with some actual horror – because thematically it makes sense for him not to be scary as the clown. They say the reason he turns into a clown is to lure kids in, and his personality sells that aspect pretty well.

  • The only good in the original is Tim Curry’s performance. He really is fantastic in it – like he’s not scary, but he has such a powerful, playful presence. The “horror” element of it kind of more comes out of how casually he tells you he’s going to eat you – but it needed to be contrasted with some actual horror – because thematically it makes sense for him not to be scary as the clown. They say the reason he turns into a clown is to lure kids in, and his personality sells that aspect pretty well.

  • The only good in the original is Tim Curry’s performance. He really is fantastic in it – like he’s not scary, but he has such a powerful, playful presence. The “horror” element of it kind of more comes out of how casually he tells you he’s going to eat you – but it needed to be contrasted with some actual horror – because thematically it makes sense for him not to be scary as the clown. They say the reason he turns into a clown is to lure kids in, and his personality sells that aspect pretty well.

  • Small correction, Jay: Stephen King does not “love the wolfman”. I recently watched a documentary on him and there were two very particular instances of old movie monsters where he was all-around not impressed: he doesn’t like dracula or wolfman. His opinion is that wolfman/werewolves are “too literal of a metaphor” for his tastes – man with two sides being overtaken by his primal nature, that sort of thing.

  • Alex Doucet

    Saying all the Stephen King made for tv movies are terrible is overgeneralizing. They are both terrible and awesome.

  • It’s kind of a shame I like Bill Skarsgard I was hoping they’d give him something better to work with. I mostly know him from the first ever Netflix series “Hemlock Grove” – which was okay though it got boring in the second and third seasons. His performance throughout though was what kinda drove me to keep watching it.

  • Danny Johnson

    Mike and Jay seem really depressed during this review. Mike really looks like he would rather be reviewing anything else. If the movie/miniseries/novel is bringing you down so much why not review something else? You’ve already suffered or pretended to suffer though the new Transformers.

  • EJ

    I think you can make a horror movie that appeals to both camps. “Get Out” was a good example in that it was scary enough to appeal to the majority of serious horror fans, but not so grim as to turn off people who rarely watch horror and were just intrigued by the premise and/or were fans of Jordan Peele.

  • EJ

    The first one I read was The Shining, which I found genuinely well written and quite scary. Tried a couple of others but found them pretty tedious.

  • EJ

    Tim Curry can be in the absolute stupidest shit and still turn in a performance that’s worth watching. “I’m escaping to the one place that hasn’t been corrupted by capitalism… SPACE!”

  • Oh good lord is that what it is? That sounds like bullshit “creepypasta” fodder..

  • Foreman 371

    they can be if its done right. One of the few “never gona watch again scenes” I have includes a vampire girl loosing the rest of her human sanity. Another one how people turn into monsters themselves when it comes in hunting people different like them. Intense stuff! But after beeing sexualized laugh material for so long the damage is done, no doubt about that.

  • Foreman 371

    they can be if its done right. One of the few “never gona watch again scenes” I have includes a vampire girl loosing the rest of her human sanity. Another one how people turn into monsters themselves when it comes in hunting people different like them. Intense stuff! But after beeing sexualized laugh material for so long the damage is done, no doubt about that.

  • EJ

    But vampires have been sexualized ever since Dracula. That’s what makes them scary – they seem charming and sophisticated, until they kill you.

  • EJ

    Say something funny then.

  • Foreman 371

    for me the vampire is about the beast in us humans only in the extreme. The human facade just serves as a mean to get more blood and the horror is drawn from the discrepancy between look and the true, inhuman nature of a vampire. If that is done right it has still a lot of potencial I think.

  • TheRealBadHatHarry

    Universal wouldn’t allow the use of the Lon Chaney Wolfman, so it was only I Was a Teenage Werewolf by attrition. Not to suggest it would have improved that slapdash, silly mess. But it was intended to be from The Wolfman (at least as I recall).

  • EJ

    PCR is sort of like a Zucker brothers movie; it’s not so much that all the jokes land, but there’s just so many that a few are bound to be funny.

  • DRP103

    The ONLY SK book/movie that needs a remake is Maximum Overdrive – but give it a high-tech/new-tech update. For example:

    The driverless car. That, actually, is a real thing now.
    Automatic sliding glass doors. They’re everywhere!
    Phones that explode. Samsung …I’m looking at you.
    Drone strikes with missiles. Yeah, not just in Yemen.

    I could go on, but I think I made my point.

  • stryker1121

    Do people have nostalgia for the series beyond Tim Curry’s performance? I was 14 or 15 when the miniseries hit, and kids at my school were definitely talking about the scary clown antics. But I’ll be damned if there’s some 25-year nostalgia trip for Harry Anderson’s jokes and the “Tonka toy” (to quote King himself on the matter) stop-motion rubber spider.

  • Ever since I was a kid the universal opinion has always seemed to be “Tim Curry is good in it, the first half is all right, and the second half is awful”. So to answer your question, no. I don’t think so.

  • Chowderbatter

    Stephen King’s Loud Clanging Sounds… With CLOWNS.

  • While I somewhat agree with what you’re saying I also believe that much of what you’re describing is the horror of human nature – ie a lot of people lost their sanity and that can be a frightening thing, whether to age or sickness or drugs or genes or what have you. People being hunted – that’s a thing that actually happens. Somewhere out there, I’m sure. What I’m trying to say is – I’m not so sure that “a person who sucks your blood” is the scary part about the concept – moreso what it brings out of people as a catalyst.

  • Nero12

    It’s actually “Munchhausen by proxy” when it’s through someone else, like a child.

  • I thought that was werewolves though. Our own primal nature taking over? I suppose they’re kinda similar though.

  • Nero12

    I think the criticism is on point, but I don’t think enough credit was given to how good the movie looks. I was super on board with 6 scary clown jump scare scenes in a row because they were all visually interesting and somewhat distinct. That’s not something I feel like I get to say all the time. I think that was the strongest element of the movie and it only got a passing reference from Jay.

  • Thanatos

    “The other F word”

    What? Hack Frauds?

  • Nero12

    One thing I found interesting about the screenplay is how well it establishes that the adults are not going to be helpful in resolving the conflict. Of all the adults shown in the movie, not one of them seems like they’d be willing to participate in going after the clown. They seem more like they’d take the Clown’s side if anything. They are almost always the root of the children’s fear.
    It’s so easy to complain when motivations don’t make sense that I think it deserves commendation when it actually is explained clearly in the movie.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    What makes you think the Soviets were involved?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    From the Chinese word for the cooking of the duck meat?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You’re quite the discerning Pewdiepie fan.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    That internet fellow Milo Y. says that’s his favorite part of the book.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Quantity over quality. My posts are like Stephen King’s page count. Hey-o!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    MR. PLINKETT: Hey John-Boy, what’s wrong with your face?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I love that Terry Gilliam movie!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Lake Mungo pawn in game of life.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The only Stephen King book I read was The Stand. It was a boring page-turner, if such a thing is possible. He’s a hack of the highest order, churning out bloated dreck.

    **goes back to watching Cameron Mitchell Film Festival**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Lizzie Borden: Axe Murderer, by James Patterson.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    And tubby vampires study in medical school to cure AIDS.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “You mean like [ethnic minorities]?” — Steve Bannon

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Kick him to the Kirby.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    They did. It’s called Nine Lives and stars Kevin Spacey.

  • Strelnikov

    That’s the problem with Stephen King; the best and best-worst movies using his novels and novellas have already been made, so now we have the remakes and they use every cheap-ass jumpscare trick all the junk multiplex flicks do. I would bet money that somebody is going to take the 2017 IT and cut all the audio shock noises out once the film is out on video – and people will like that cut over the original.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Like I have time to read all those before commenting.

  • Patrick Batman

    This reply is everything.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    As a teenager I read the book and utterly loved it. I found the miniseries meh at best: my thoughts at the time were Tim Curry ain’t no Robert Englund. IMO the new adaptation seems closer to the real deal (so far); despite scare jumps and all. I look forward to all the lovecraftian weird shit in the final act!

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Good LORD! The Stand is even LONGER than IT! No wonder you dropped King after that… For the record, so did I.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Good LORD! The Stand is even LONGER than IT! No wonder you dropped King after that… For the record, so did I.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Hello Devil_dinosaur! Would you like a balloon?

  • EJ

    I love the concept of a “boring page-turner.” That’s exactly what the GRR Martin “Song of Ice and Fire” books are. They’re bloated and tediously written, especially the 4th and 5th ones, but somehow you feel compelled to find out what happens to the characters so you keep reading. Though I decided if he ever writes the 6th and 7th, I’m going to skip them and just read the wiki.

  • Bubs

    They already made a movie about a bunch of cars that go insane. It’s called Transformers.

  • Bubs

    Oh that’s funny. I made a transformers joke right above you and didn’t see your post yet. #WutRTehOddz?

  • EJ

    No, I think it’s right that they’re different things. For me anyway, one of the reasons the twilight-style vampire romance doesn’t work is that effective vampires are scary “others” who can seem human when it suits them, but really aren’t. Whereas a werewolf is a normal human most of the time, who transforms into a beast.

  • Brian Levine

    Frappe Drinkers. So offensive in 2017.

  • Brian Levine

    I remember watching it in MST3K mode, which I thought was the only way to watch a movie like this.

    But nothing could compare to watching the horror that was Bronson Pinchot in The Langoliers. People screaming in fear as crazy Pac-Men ate up everything was quite the hoot.

  • That’s also what makes vampires interesting, if not scary. The idea of an outcast by nature who attempts to integrate into society so that they can carry on doing what they do.

  • Brian Levine

    I was trying to think what else is there for horror movies to do other than jump scares or gross out deaths? But as a kid, the last 15 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey freaked me out more than any horror movie I had seen. It was freaky, difficult to comprehend, purposely slow and disturbing. Nowadays, I try and tell that to people and they look at me as if there is something seriously wrong with me, which in reality is very likely.

  • Kaingerc

    did he start singing ‘down with the sickness’ ?

  • EJ

    Also the idea that what seems to be a charming, affable person is an inhuman creature coldly sizing you up as prey, like a hunter putting out bait for deer, is frightening.

  • Bubs

    Stephen King is a great writer the same way that Christopher Nolan is a great filmmaker. If you try to break down their work, yeah, you’re gonna end up with a pile of shit. But in the moment, when you’re reading/watching it, the experience is pretty great. A “sum is greater than the parts” sort of thing.

  • But when you upgrade to modern era aka make the concept not stupid (let’s face it, combustion motors are not plotting our ultimate demise, you have to go with digital), you’ve basically just recreated the concept of Skynet. Although to be fair – that sounds like a movie that hasn’t actually been made yet. I think they’ve done “all cell phones are evil” and we’ve clearly done “AI and technology is evil” but I don’t think we’ve ever depicted the downfall of society as it is in the process of being dismantled by its mistakes. I’m thinking like the first Mad Max as it shows the downfall of civilization, but more economic collapse and decay of power structures, with a little bit of “Colossus: The Forbin Project” . There could be something there.

  • EJ

    There’s something uncanny about that whole movie that scared me as a kid. Ironically, I never found the Shining the least bit scary – for years I assumed it was intentionally a comedy. I still think the “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” scene is one of the funniest things ever filmed.

  • Brian Levine

    You’re talking about the guy who gave us The Running Man.

    My wife got me to read Pet Semetary, saying it was really creepy. The only thing I found creepy was how stupid the characters were.

  • Brian Levine

    And to this day, I get a bit of a chill whenever I hear Also Sprach Zarathustra.

  • There’s sooooo much more to do. Even like – something creepy coming at you slowly where the shot holds for too long. There are so many different ways to evoke thoughtful psychological horror – look at the way Jack Nickelson’s family is shown during some parts of The Shining – you cut from this light-hearted jazz from the ghost bar to just a shot of his wife and child, and there’s just this horrible ambient droning that somehow makes an innocent scene seem like an awful imprisonment. Probably my favorite horror movie of all time is Kill List (2011), and it is completely absent of jump scares but it chills me right to the bone every time I watch it. It’s about an emotionless hitman with a marriage that’s falling apart – but it holds some creepy surprises that aren’t just “boo”. I would compare the horror in it to that of The Witch – more about building atmosphere. Too many people these days equate being scared with being startled – they aren’t the same. Being startled just gets your heart rate going – you may have been biologically “frightened” for a moment, but ultimately it wears off the moment you remember you’re just watching a movie (near instantly even if jump scares still get you), or that the person who jumped out and yelled “boo” was just your friend hiding in a trash can. When people seek that out it’s just cause they like the quick rush it gives them.

  • Modern day horror movies remind me of Spaghett from Tim n Eric.

  • metalraygear

    I did enjoy this movie quite a bit, however you are correct on the jump scares. I felt the same every time that they occurred. I saw the one in the trailer (the basement scene) and that had me worried that it was ALL that was going to happen.

    hopefully in the next one, they forego jump scares and do stuff that is more atmospheric and static.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Plus how dare Pennywise paint his face white??? Whitewashing alert!

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    You just read my mind Pop Culture Reference.

  • Bleurgh

    Antichrist is the best horror movie of 2000’s. Fight me.

  • EJ

    Did you see Upstream Color? It’s more sci-fi than horror, and it’s a low budget art-house thing, but it’s got this fantastically creepy tone that just sucks you in.

  • Oh yeah! Wasn’t that done by the same people or director who did Primer? It’s been awhile since I saw it but I remember it being kind of a hypnotic mind-fuck, especially once you piece together what’s going on. I liked it, but I should probably re-view it with a sober brain.

  • Fart.

  • EJ

    Yeah Shane Carruth, same director/star as Primer. TBQH I found Primer more confusing than anything else, but Upstream Color has a more straightforward story (a weird and unsettling story, mind you, but you can follow it), but it’s told in such an oblique, strange, and very visual way that part of the fun is just wrapping your head around it. It’s one of those movies I love but am hesitant to recommend to people. “So, it was made on the cheap but it looks and sounds great. However, it’s fairly creepy, kinda slow, has minimal dialogue and lots of the dialogue that does exist is deliberately mixed to make it unintelligible. Does that interest you?”

  • EJ

    Fahrvergnügen! (Early 90s reference, now that RLM is shilling for Zima)

  • Brian Levine

    What makes you think the Soviets were not involved?

  • Gehakt_Sausje

    Or Kellyanne Conway when she de-sleeves from her human skin containment unit.

  • EJ

    That’s why Interview with the Vampire is so good. Louis tries to be vaguely humane and ends up being a pathetic mope, whereas Lestat will gleefully murder any puny humans who cross his path, often with a snappy one-liner. And you end up rooting for Lestat.

  • EJ

    “Also, I can’t really describe the premise, other than some guy ends up drugged and broke and then meets a girl who has had a similar experience, because the whole plot of the film is them putting together WTF happened and realizing it’s far more sinister and strange than the basic robbery plot they thought it was.”

  • EJ

    Well that’s Richard Strauss for you. The guy knew how to set a mood.

  • frankelee

    That gangbang scene cut was nothing compared to the one they cut out from the novelization of Space Cop.

  • sofiya

    Fart.

  • Scumfall

    whats a book?

  • Moist

    Maximum Overdrive is perfcet as-is.

    Perfcet!

  • Scumfall

    favreau

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It’s like a fidget spinner, but with words on pages made from the pulp of trees.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Is a giant galactic space turtle the force behind Mr. Plinkett?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I heard they had to cut the underage gangbang scene from the Dennis Hastert biopic. Or was it the Jerry Sandusky biopic?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Cut and paste much?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    My favorite scene from History of the World, Part 1.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Frottage?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Sounds like the plot of Pixels.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The Skarsgards are the like the art-house Baldwins Brothers.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The role should have gone to professional wrestler Lou Albino.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I know you are but what am I?

  • wesley

    I could go a million years without some would-be wit talking about the gangbang from the book. That was never going to appear in the movie, ever in life, so kindly shut your yap about it. YOU’RE NOT COOL is what I’m saying.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I dropped The Stand and it broke my big toe.
    **sad trombone**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Sounds like Mike and Jay hit a nerve there. You need to calm down.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The Wolfman is better off going up a rival high school basketball team.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “All in the reflexes.”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Or a political pollster, who usually have the same agenda.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Dammit! Now how am I going to make Jerkass Chicken?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    8====D

  • Moist

    Nothing calms my nerves like a pre-teen gang bang.

  • Moist

    “You taught me hot keys; and my profit on’t is I know how to cut and paste Dat Boi.”
    -$hakezpeare, Th’ T3mp3$t

  • Moist

    Hey, uh, I got Owen Wilson on the phone here and he’s pretty upset that you overlooked his automotive magnum opus. He’s all like, “WAOW, way to hurt my feelings,” and shit.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Pretty much, except The Langoliers was funny.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Pretty much, except The Langoliers was funny.

  • Brian Levine

    So wait…the Clown was created by a giant space turtle? But I thought that Gamera was the friend of all children?

  • I haven’t read the book but I think the clown is the antithesis of the turtle, not a creation of it. Both denizens of the “Macroverse”, but not the creators of it. Good joke though.

  • Whoa. Language.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Still waiting for the extended version… *sigh*

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Fappening

  • No, Plinkett was created by a giant pizza roll.

  • Brian Levine

    Because Deep Blue Sea was such an artsy picture.

  • Brian Levine

    Can’t be as scary as Stephen King’s pit.

  • Foreman 371

    Hannibal Lector came to mind when I thought about this discusssion today. The one from the series played by Mads Mikkelsen. I think he would be my first choice for the perfect vampire if he would just live from blood alone. Together with the search of a last bit of humanity in him, the longing for a comrade who understands him and this peticular sureal imagery of the series centering around death and decay would pretty much hit the nail for me.

  • ikdks

    Gang bang is generous. They pulled a train.

    It just shamed all the characters. I don’t think I finished it. The narrative was in full meltdown at that point anyway.

    I think it was king that said if I can’t get the scare I’ll get the shock and if I can’t get the shock I’ll get the gross out. He totally ran out of gas by the end of that novel, and just cobbled together whatever to get it done. The last vestige of the failing artist is spanker fantasies.

    I liked Tommyknockers. If you could get through the first 100 pages of menstrual blood, it was pretty awesome. Misery, of course. Christine. The man who loved flowers…

  • Danny Johnson

    Yeah, it’s funny the posts came out together like that. Maybe it’s a sign from the Turtle.

  • Ultor_IVXLCQ

    The movie you are talking about is Elysium without the space station/habitat stuff. Too bad the movie touches it tangencially but it’s there.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Someone left a flaming bag of IT on my doorstep!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    [singing]
    Timmy thinks Gamera is a nice fella
    even if he gave him salmonella.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Ah, yes, the ever-relevant discussion of the “15 gets ya 20, but is it canon?” debate.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    We’re all living in his webzone, like a giant pizza roll-shaped computer matrix thingee.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    To be or to CTRL+V?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Do I have to?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Say hello to my chocolate blend!”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The Langoliers sounds funnier than Life Is Beautiful.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Based on a screenplay by Stephen King and a Fuckton of Cocaine.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Tell Owen to go smoke some pot or whatever.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    So Jack Lemmon played the Shark in Glengarry Glen Jaws?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    John-Boy’s ponytail, Harry Anderson’s mustache, John Ritter’s beard. Why can’t we talk about the facial hair body horror aspect of IT?

  • Moist

    Probably someone from the IT crowd.

  • jordan

    You mean there isn’t a post-credits underage gang-bang scene?

  • That’s three now. Three people have made this joke at least. I applaud your effort, though.

  • Are you sure IT wasn’t just The Stuff?

  • Brian Levine

    Yup. And Jack Guilford was the barber in Shave the Tiger.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Wasn’t there one in that movie Spotlight. It took place in some Boston cathedral. Michael Keaton played the Galactic Space Turtle.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Gang bang is generous. They pulled a train.”

    If you want to argue semantics.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Because people are idiots. Haven’t you figured that out by now?

  • EJ

    Now that you mention it, it’s surprising he’s never played a vampire in anything. (He was in a movie called Bleeder, but it’s not a vampire story). You’re right that he’d be absolutely perfect.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The only scary thing is John-Boy’s ponytail.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You’re on Candid Gamera!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Sure is stretching the definition of “great.” Neither of those guys is a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Howling IV is a cinematic masterpiece. Bring on the marsupial body horror!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Firstly the over-abundance of make-up and grotesquely exaggerated features put them right in the middle of the uncanny valley.”

    [Insert overly lazy and utterly predictable Trump joke here.]

  • RLMkeepitup

    the one movie where the kid acting is better than the adults #IT90

  • RLMkeepitup

    stephen king + cocaine = I.T.

  • RLMkeepitup

    hawwt

  • RLMkeepitup

    there’s a next one? they have 25 more years to get IT right

  • Brian Levine

    Isn’t it Kenny?

  • Brian Levine

    The clock is running on the RLM reaction to JJ Abrams directing Episode IX (pronounced ‘icks’).

  • Brian Levine

    Hey, let’s write our own Stephen King story! I’ll start:

    Life in Maine sucks. Every person here is crazy and there isn’t one Carl’s Jr. to be found.

  • Brian Levine

    Hey, let’s write our own Stephen King story! I’ll start:

    Life in Maine sucks. Every person here is crazy and there isn’t one Carl’s Jr. to be found.

  • Psychic cats pooped on my lawn.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    THIS PARAGRAPH WILL BE ENTIRELY IN ALL CAPS.

    M-O-O-N spells Magical Forrest Gump-like character. Whitebread Maine townsfolk nod in agreement. But first, here’s a thirty page digression about a Yankee’s game from 1956.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Luckily that clock is right about 2 times a day.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I thought it was Timmy, but they pronounced it “Tibby”? You’ll have to check the Gamerawiki.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    — Captain America

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Jumps scares are so lazy. Seriously, Kevin Smith levels of directorial laziness there.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    There was violence on both sides. But the Clown did have a permit to eat children.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The wolfman was too literal? This from a cokefiend who wrote about underage gangbangs and murderous clowns. Um …. yeah, sure, Mr. McCokehead, regale us with your literary wit.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The Japanese title for Twilight was Mr. Sparkles. Hey-o! I’ll be here all week.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “They’re lame and embarrassing, not scary.”

    Are we talking about clowns or tiki torch-wielding Neo-Nazis?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The correct answer to a lot of these questions/observations is: “A lot of cocaine.”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    David Bowie + Cocaine = Station to Station

    Sigmund Freud + Cocaine = Modern Psychology

    Wall Street + Cocaine = Where’d my retirement money go?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The words “Trump” and “horror” in the same sentence! First time for everything.

  • Mike Bram

    Maybe I’m just too jaded, but I wouldn’t even categorize them as “jump scares”. Pennywise is onscreen no less than every 8 minutes, so my brain was in a consistent state of readiness for his next antics. So there weren’t any true “gotcha” moments in my opinion. And this is coming from someone who was really freaked out by the TV series as a child. Now I watch it and it’s almost amusing, but at the time, that shit was on point.

  • I sort of agree with him – a man becomes a beast. What else is there about it?

  • I apparently don’t remember the history behind the plot of that movie – I did watch it though. I thought the earth was in the state it was in because of overpopulation, and a bunch of rich people moved up to space because they didn’t trust poor people. Also that movie was kind of post-collapse if you ask me – after a collapse has happened and a new system has been built in its place essentially.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    IT can’t hold a candle to the Lovecraftian horrorshow of an episode of “Toddlers and Tiaras.”

  • Moist

    That’s what’s nice about the structure of comment sections: instead of the clusterfuck of everyone arguing about semantics all at once everyone gets to take their turn.

    Booyah!

  • The Brosevelt

    So, until this review I did not know about minor sex sewer party. Really, cocaine is no excuse for that weird stuff. That’s deep mental problems escaping on paper. King is a major freak and Mike is right, his face screams registered sex offender who fled to the Philippines or someone who dies sexually asphyxiating himself (10 bucks this is how King leaves this world). I honestly think that most of King’s work is garbage. He is a poor writer (arm chair QB keyboard warrior here) and most of his screen adaptations were awful. I have a place in my heart for The Stand only because I saw it as a child and for some reason I thought it was better than it really was…plus I like Gary Sinese for some unknown reason (his face screams, “hey buddy, I see you have a flat tire, can I help?”).

  • The Brosevelt

    So, until this review I did not know about minor sex sewer party. Really, cocaine is no excuse for that weird stuff. That’s deep mental problems escaping on paper. King is a major freak and Mike is right, his face screams registered sex offender who fled to the Philippines or someone who dies sexually asphyxiating himself (10 bucks this is how King leaves this world). I honestly think that most of King’s work is garbage. He is a poor writer (arm chair QB keyboard warrior here) and most of his screen adaptations were awful. I have a place in my heart for The Stand only because I saw it as a child and for some reason I thought it was better than it really was…plus I like Gary Sinese for some unknown reason (his face screams, “hey buddy, I see you have a flat tire, can I help?”).

  • Spoiled Ants

    Is that the long awaited Hollywood adaption of the IT Crowd?

    (oh no, that joke has been making it’s round already. shame on me)

  • Arthur

    But seriously… I read a Stephen King novel. Once. It was The Dead Zone. It was clearly written for a sixth grade level. Not my thing. It was like reading a coloring book.Jail seems like the perfect and only place one should read King.

  • Bubs

    Ka is a wheel, and don’t worry that you have no idea what the fuck Ka is, because this is just a reference to the Dark Tower in an otherwise completely unrelated story. Because opus!

  • Bubs

    Is it just me or are you coyly suggesting we start an underage gangbang?

  • Bubs

    After reading a lot of the comments, I’m ready to come out of the closet. I’ve read a lot of Stephen King’s work over the years. He doesn’t write literary masterpieces, but he writes really enjoyable stories that I find keep me engaged. One thing he is completely indefensible on however is his complete inability to write an ending. He knows how to weave a narrative, but it seems like once the end is in sight, it just becomes “Oh I dunno, I guess they all died or whatever.” If you put a gun to his fucking head, he could not write a decent ending to a poem, much less a novel. Spoilers for anyone who enjoyed the Dark Tower movie and is looking forward to where the story might be going, but the ending FUCKING SUCKS.

  • EJ

    There are some great writers who can’t write endings. Dickens is probably the most famous. He creates all these fabulous characters and situations and then he gets to the end and it’s like, uh, ok, one of these people dies tragically and everyone else gets married. THE END.

  • EJ

    What’s technically the difference between a gangbang and pulling a train?

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    You are spot on Bubs! That’s exactly what he did with The Stand: 3,000 fucking pages of pointless character development and he wraps it all up with a goddamn nuke bomb in the last paragraph. KABOOM! The end! WTF!

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    The only true “gotcha” moment was when I saw the price of the coke and popcorn I ordered.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    The Dark Tower… another total shit ending.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    IT Crowd also referenced King’s Carrie with “aunt Irma”, so there you have it: full circle! Well done Spoiled Ants!

  • RLMkeepitup

    why does the evil take even take clown form? i didn’t read no books

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    *Punches a horse*

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    *Punches a horse*

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Couldn’t possibly top Rich Evans’

  • ikdks

    A gangbang is group sex, a train is one at a time. So the devil’s threesome is a gangbang, two guys one girl. The distinction is they’re all having sex together, where as a train is a bunch of guys jacking while they wait their turn.

    In the interest of full disclosure, I didn’t realize that gangbangs are defined as one woman (or I guess one bottom), but a train is always one at a time, the metaphor being one car at a time going into a station in a row.

    I have swinger friends. They’re usually silly harmless people with low inhibitions that want to surround themselves with sex. It’s about joy and pleasure and shag carpeting, there isn’t anything inherently hostile or aggressive about it. And to the extent that it’s demeaning, it’s demeaning to everybody as a group, and people like that laugh it off.

    A train on the other hand, I associate with jocks taking turns banging a drunken girl with low self-esteem. They usually call her a slut afterward, like they tricked her and got away with something.

    It doesn’t help that pulling a train is often the defense of a bunch of young dicks who raped an unconscious girl at a party.

  • I forgot about the library scene in the original IT where he menaces Richie – that scene still makes me laugh really hard. I already said it a couple times but Tim Curry is so entertaining. Plus I like the whole gag of him tricking Richie to yell in that poor lady’s face by just making a bunch of noise.

  • Brian Levine

    Wow, all these guys have a career ahead of them writing scripts for the Lifetime Movie Channel.

  • Brian Levine

    The guy who emcee’s those pageants…not THAT guy is scary.

  • Brian Levine

    My father-in-law is coming to visit this afternoon. I’m mad, because all relatives are terrible people who look down on me. Just because I failed as a schoolteacher and couldn’t get a single book published for three years…ERRRR…I mean hold down a job for 3 months is no reason to look down on me. That paperboy sure has a fine looking buttocks. But he tried to collect from me twice in the same week once, so he gets buried behind the woodshed. After I’m done with him. Is that bacon I smell?

  • Brian Levine

    It’s like it rhymes.

  • Brian Levine

    “Don’t you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I’d have to dress different. I’d have to act different. I’d have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I’d need a new bedspread and new curtains I’d have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I’d have to get new friends. I’d have to get orgy friends.”

  • Joe Syxpac

    The funny part about the ending to the Dark Tower is he literally begs the reader to not read the last chapter. He knows it’s bad.

  • peterablex

    I sense much hate in you

  • peterablex

    I sense much hate in you

  • LameSame

    I guess these bozos don’t read much Hindu literature. The giant space turtle isn’t just a random thing, it’s a riff on one of the oldest creation stories known to mankind. Goddamn, everyone.

  • Moist

    Oddly enough, the real life Bozo the Clown minored in comparative theology when he was in clown college.

  • Moist

    My clock is shaped like Jar Jar Binks and the time is always “I no longer give a shit about Star Wars” o’clock.

  • Moist

    Not one of my finest moments either. We appear to be running a train on IT Crowd comments.

  • Moist

    You know what audio books are? They’re like that, but without audio.

  • Joe Syxpac

    The Stand probably has the best opening credit sequence ever filmed, and the first part is pretty tight. Too bad the second part really falls apart.

  • Derbrererd

    Sewer gangbangs are pretty disgusting but its not like a bathtub full of piss.

  • RLMkeepitup

    you’re not doing IT right

  • Pop Culture Reference

    A bathtub full of piss? I think you should use the correct term, “The Trump Presidential bathe of dignity and repose.”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    My horror movie will involve a mime and a juggler. They will actually be controlled by a giant Lovecraftian space opossum named Gerald.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “John Calvin’s doctrine of predestination contradicts God’s desire for mankind to have free will!”
    **wacky clown laugh, honks horn**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Because something something Donald Trump. This joke phoned in by Kevin Smith’s lack of directorial talent.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    But I want to hear what Strong Bad has to say about it.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “$50 for this dime bag! How dare you, sir!’

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Rape, murder, arson, and rape. No wait, sorry, that’s The Song of Ice and Fire.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Stop trying to make wizard happen. You’ll just summon Josh and he’ll talk your ear off about aspect ratios and color temperatures.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I don’t like IT Crowd comments. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I wasn’t asking for it.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I see what you did there. I applaud your wit, sir.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It’s horror, not calculus.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Tell that to Richard Branson.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I can’t hear his laugh over the whisper quiet Death Star Popcorn Popper.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    It’s a Simpson reference, Einstein.*

    *Sarcastically calling people “Einstein” from a Kids In the Hall sketch.*

    *Kids in the Hall were a Canadian sketch comedy group from the 1990s.*

    *Canada is a country. It shares a border with the United States.

  • Okay but my point is that it’s only horrific on the surface level – there’s nothing thought-provoking about it. Horror can still make constructive use of metaphor, it’s not all just “look at the scary thing isn’t it scary”. You’re basically agreeing with me but you’re putting a ceiling on how thought-provoking a horror movie or its monsters can be.

  • Why Top 11? Because I like to go one step beyond.

  • I don’t know what you’re talking about but yes – yes you were.

  • I thought it was to lure kids in but maybe Tim Curry’s charm is what told me that.

  • Foreman 371

    I know it from Discworld.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    He also felt The Cheated.

  • Foreman 371

    as an total alien beeing we cannot comprehend its true form I hink they said. Clown I guess because of the big teeth and mouth. Every childs knows a clown and the face comes closest to the IT spider visage and thats the result when the mind has to deal with it. I think Lovecraft wrote a similar story in where humans couldn’t handle the true form of a creature.

  • Do you take offense because you are a werdwolf?

  • christian

    Sounds like Mike and Jay hit a nerve there. You need to calm down.

  • EJ

    Branson is secretly a Space Communist. Bet on it. As is Elon Musk.

  • Thanatos

    I don’t think anyone enjoyed the Dark Tower movie, so we’re safe.

  • Thanatos

    Is it possible to make a horror movie that’s only for children?

  • Thanatos

    Did the jump scare music suddenly start playing?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You’ll find jokes work better when there is context.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I can only feel validated when the King of Town shares his opinion on the matter.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Did I take offense? No, I wasn’t at Home Depot.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Ah, of course. The making shit-tons of money is a socialist plot to … what’s socialism again? Is it getting really rich and living in obscene luxury? Yeah, that’s the ticket. I should go ask my wife … Morgan Fairchild.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Reading? Pfft. This is Trump’s America, where genius is measured in 120 characters and a hashtag. Ya know, as God and Jesus Christ intended.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Pet Semetary: Where semi trucks can’t see babies.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Because reading King is like dropping your soup in the communal shower?

  • Moist

    Are you certain this was an unsuccessful attempt at a joke and not a successful attempt at a non-sequitur?

  • moron

    I watch a lot of Best of the Worst and I could swear the guys are George Lucasing the videos and changing things once in a while or something. I have specific memories about moments in episodes and then when I see the episodes those moments have changed. Its happened multiple times. For example, when showing a clip from Terror in Beverly Hills, I remember them commenting on the girl coming out of the dressing room and getting shot right after the other girl got shot. They even joked about it, I believe. But having just rewatched that episode, there’s a weird cut and that girl gets shot in the clip they show immediately after the other girl gets shot and there’s no comment about it in the whole episode.

    I have to admit, it would be a pretty brilliant way to troll their fans, by doing to their videos exactly what everyone hates George Lucas, the guy responsible basically for making them semi-internet-famous, for doing exactly what he’s done to the original Star Wars trilogy. I honestly don’t mind the tiny changes because I think the trolling is kind of brilliant. Maybe Jay will read this and confirm, or someone else who’s noticed these changes can clue me in as to why its done.

  • moron

    I watch a lot of Best of the Worst and I could swear the guys are George Lucasing the videos and changing things once in a while or something. I have specific memories about moments in episodes and then when I see the episodes those moments have changed. Its happened multiple times. For example, when showing a clip from Terror in Beverly Hills, I remember them commenting on the girl coming out of the dressing room and getting shot right after the other girl got shot. They even joked about it, I believe. But having just rewatched that episode, there’s a weird cut and that girl gets shot in the clip they show immediately after the other girl gets shot and there’s no comment about it in the whole episode.

    I have to admit, it would be a pretty brilliant way to troll their fans, by doing to their videos exactly what everyone hates George Lucas, the guy responsible basically for making them semi-internet-famous, for doing exactly what he’s done to the original Star Wars trilogy. I honestly don’t mind the tiny changes because I think the trolling is kind of brilliant. Maybe Jay will read this and confirm, or someone else who’s noticed these changes can clue me in as to why its done.

  • Whatever he was replying to got deleted. Usually it still shows the comment thread though just with the censored post with no user attached to it, not sure why it’s any different now. That could’ve been a moderator action.

  • Popo Bawa

    Is the spooky meter broken?

  • Foreman 371

    What I know they had to rework parts of the Star Wars reviews thanks to youtube. They added noises that get louder and louder where originally the licensed music was. Another thing is Plinkett himself. Less rape and murder more piss and farts jokes. I hope this is an artistic move to tell us how the movie industry is wattering down their franchises and not the work of some haters RLM thinks of as their “fanbase”…but I have not much hope tbh.

  • Bradley Johnson

    the one movie where the kid acting is better than the adults #IT90

  • Foreman 371

    even if it is “->christian”?

  • Moist

    Remind me: do moderators leave footprints or not?

  • Foreman 371

    you are the computer expert here! Tell me!

  • RLMkeepitup

    you copied my commentz

  • Moist

    you’re not doing IT right

  • RLMkeepitup

    oh my gaawwd!! *it’s happening*

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I don’t get it. What’s the motivating factor? Laziness? Stupidity? Wearing a MAGA hat?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I don’t get it. What’s the motivating factor? Laziness? Stupidity? Wearing a MAGA hat?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Unless they are snakes.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    To appeal to the electorate. Joke’s on you, voters!
    **clown laugh, honks horn**
    **drives clown car to Clown College, except the word “clown” has been crossed off and “Electoral” is written over it in crayon**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Only Nuru Massage and Shakespearean comedies have happy endings.
    **slide whistle**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I want to see more films from the Burning Bed Lifetime Movie Extended Universe.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    King will probably die of natural causes after a long rewarding life, surrounded by a loving family, and atop a mattress stuffed with $100 bills.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The Day the Clown Cried?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    $1.50.
    **rim shot**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    — Trump’s most ardent supporters.*

    *Yeah, this joke is lazy. So sue me.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    **sets a bottle of carbonated beverage on a sofa in a sketchy neighborhood alley**
    SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGE!!!!!!

  • Jacob Hoffman

    From the Chinese word for the cooking of the duck meat?

  • Brett Burrett

    Bleurgh bleurgh bleurgh bleurgh content blerugh content bleeeeuuuurrghhh

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Jay can read???

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Isn’t it obvious? Stephen King has family ties to Burger King and he is hell-bent to demonise Ronald McDonald by any means necessary.

  • Papa Figo

    Stephen King is the Roger Corman of books. You already saw something by him and even liked it. You just can’t help it, they are everywhere.

    However I didn’t like anything about the Dark Tower books but the first one. The Gunslinger has a gritty feel of an old Italian Western movie, with characters so strong most of them don’t even need names. The others are just regular Stephen King books: mid-life crisis hero, kid who is smarter then most adults, yadda yadda weird shit bad ending.

  • Papa Figo

    Only about four or five characters get developed in The Stand, which is a cornucopia of stock characters.

  • Papa Figo

    Gremlins.

  • Mike L Weaver

    Instead of condensing King’s plotless meandering into a three act structure. How about letting Lars von Trier make a faithful 9 hour rendition?

  • Brian Levine

    Only the parts about underage gangbangs, apparently.

  • Brian Levine

    “Actually, it doesn’t if God exists outside the confines of linear time.”

    ** Ah-OOO-ga! Ah-OOO-ga! **

  • Brian Levine

    That and his little known middle name “Burger”.

  • Brian Levine

    Clown continues to make anti-Republican political commentary on a board where nobody cares.

    ** Beep! Beep! **

  • HisDudeness

    I now want a Mike Stoklasa rendition of Down with the Sickness.

  • frankelee

    For not having any other job than making videos about shitty movies and manufacturing crystal methamphetamine, they sure aren’t making many videos about shitty movies lately.

  • Moist

    Looks like those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Nymphomaniac 3: Sewer Love Boogaloo?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Less rape and murder?” — Said no one in the Game of Thrones writers room ever.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    What I liked most about Lawnmower Man was its verisimilitude.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    God is the last episode of Lost?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Voter apathy? Then my job is done here.
    **clown laugh, honks horn**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You sound like you’re part of the IT crowd.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Donald Trump?

  • RLMkeepitup

    Jay: “it’s been a little while since our last episode”.. yes. this.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    They manufacture the crystal meth using the whisper quiet Death Star Popcorn Popper.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Mike did his homework for this episode in high school, noone has acknowledged this

  • Pop Culture Reference

    We’re too busy making IT Crowd jokes.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Upon hearing new that Harry Dean Stanton died, my only response was, “He was still alive?”

    **celebrates Stanton’s life and cinematic achievements by going out to eat sushi and then not pay**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Covfefe?

  • Foreman 371

    It’s not the same without Joffrey.

  • Bleurgh

    What do you want?

  • Bleurgh

    He wrote Shawshank Redemption, but everyone forgets about that.

  • Bleurgh

    He has actually confessed to being on Oxycontin when he wrote Dreamcatcher. I prefer him on cocaine tbh.

  • Bleurgh

    You’re really turning that around.

  • Tommy Wiseau

    Ahahaha. Scary clown Mark and Jay! Tommy thinks Rich Evans should have played Pennywise the clown? Or maybe Bev

  • Bleurgh

    So I just watched the original It, here is my two word review:

    “It’s shit”

    Thanks for reading.

  • RLMkeepitup

    both parts? you’re a trooper

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Sounds like Revenge of the Tshi to me.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I’d like to see a version of IT starring Krusty the Clown.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    My Star Wars Spooky Meter is really loud and then spontaneously burst into flames.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Foreword by Milo Yiannopoulos and The Catholic Church.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Joffrey Tambor? The actor who played George Bluth?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Yes, have some.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Mike and Jay don’t curry favor with Hindu literature. Hey-o!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    So what Stephen King book would be comparable to Corman’s version of The Fantastic Four?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    He stole the ending from St. Elsewhere.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Sixth grade level? That’s above the heads of most USA Today readers.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Oxycontin is the preferred drug of choice to conservative talk show hosts and people who oppose pot legalization.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Now watching Thomas the Train will have unnecessary sexual overtones.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Bugsy Malone vs. Bugsy?

  • Bleurgh

    Nah, bailed after the first half. If it gets worse then I don’t want to keep going.

  • Joe Syxpac

    WHAT?

  • Joe Syxpac

    TLDR

  • Erwan

    It’s not the same without Joffrey.

  • Erwan

    It’s not the same without Joffrey.

  • Moist

    Yeah. Now.

  • Tony

    Jay, you can’t remove black kid from the movie! They’d be left with all white cast.

  • Moist

    If Maine is anything like New Hampshire and Vermont then an all white cast would require less suspension of disbelief.

  • Foreman 371

    I knew the days are numbered the first time I saw a woman on board. One thing leads to another and your hobby always has to suffer first.

  • Foreman 371

    I knew the days are numbered the first time I saw a woman on board. One thing leads to another and your hobby always has to suffer first.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    No wonder Iowa and New Hampshire are the first states that have primaries.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    THE WHISPER QUIET–
    **Death Star Popcorn Popper explodes, dies by being engulfed in flames**

  • ikdks

    That’s madness.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Flowers for Jaygernon?

  • Moist

    “White primaries” were an actual thing. Still are, maybe.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Probably still in Alabama and other bastions of Trumptastic Enlightenment.

  • ikdks

    When there was only one set i was carrying you.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Space Cop: The Novel, by Alan Dean Foster.

  • ikdks

    I’ve been accused of being antisemantics… or something like that.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    You need to read more Umberto Eco.

  • Moist

    Banned!

  • Moist

    You better be phoning your elected representatives with your political views because they probably aren’t looking here to get a feel for public opinion.

    Also: learn how to use firearms because shit’s looking real uncertain lately.

  • Jean-François Martel

    it’s wild that the Simpsons never did that for one of their Treehouse of horror segments

  • Jean-François Martel

    fuck the pain away

  • Huh and suddenly “Simpson’s did everything” doesn’t hold quite as much weight anymore.

  • HE SAID THEY’RE COOKING FUCKING METH

  • Jonny Edworthy

    IT (2017) is the best episode of Goosebumps ever made.

  • Papa Figo

    Isn’t that the plot for Goosebumps?

  • Papa Figo

    Ghostbusters 2016 is the worst Goosebumps episode ever.

  • Papa Figo

    Lars von trier would leave a gangbang scene in, that is for sure.

  • Just watched this. It had some problems. Not sure where to start, there were a few things to cover here and I’m probably gonna forget one or two things. So I’ll start with the obvious, the things Mike and Jay addressed. First off I agree with Jay – the character of Mike Hanlon was… not a character. I can’t think of any other way to put it. I think he had like eight lines in the entire movie. Now I know I’m gonna get knocked for this on this messageboard cause everyone seems to have a seething hatred for modern day social justice warriors – but look – I’m just gonna say this – it’s a bad look to actually subtract any characterization from the only black kid in the story and then pawn off that material on someone else. I’m just saying like if you’re going for “broad”, and this movie was – don’t do that. I’m sitting there like – waiting for him to actually be a “character” and it just never happens. For the first half of the movie I nearly forgot about him until I remembered Jay mentioning how he was missing from a huge chunk of the movie. He was not kidding. They introduce him, they forget about him, then they bring him back and he just sort of stands around. It was difficult to even believe his bond with the other kids because all the summertime bonding moments were over with by that point – so he basically gets introduced after the horror movie plot is already in motion. I probably would’ve even accepted it just fine if he was at least there splashing around in the water and having fun. Then could go “oh yeah that’s right they’re friends because they played in the water”. None of that. I’m not pointing fingers as to the reasons for this being “racist” I’m sure it had more to do with prioritizing a traditional movie structure which probably caused some things to get shuffled around for the sake of time – but as an audience member it just kind of annoyed me that a character was just there because he was in the original material, even though giving him some sort of purpose would have been a pretty simple deed to undertake. Just have him look through the photo album – they even set it up with the whole “people in the burning room” thing I thought – like was that not a hallucination from the past? Cause then someone walked to the door frame and said hi to him, so it couldn’t have actually happened just then right? That would’ve been a perfect catalyst to have him start looking into things, but they dropped the ball on that one – that’s the last scene we get with him until well into the second act. Moving on – the “scare moments”. I definitely can see Jay’s criticism here except my complaint is a little bit different. There were no “scare moments”. I don’t just mean that like “I wasn’t scared so it wasn’t scary bottom line” – I mean like they didn’t even feel like attempted scare moments. They all felt like action scenes. Like sure most of these instances started out with “boo” – but then they followed up with “boo” by having the thing that jumped out run after someone for a little bit – that in and of itself I was actually kind of fine with to some extent – but I found it confusing. Like in a modern day horror movie usually you hit your audience with a “boo” and then you follow up with some sort of tranquility – keeping it quick and short and letting the impressionable minds fill in the blanks and then find comfort in the subsequent calm before hitting them again somewhere down the line. A modern day ghost movie does not follow up a jump-scare with a chase sequence – it would show too much of the ghost and it would lose the effect. So basically what I’m saying is – the “boo” was there but it wasn’t delivered in such a way that would scare even the attending audiences of a Paranormal Activity film. Each time it was delivered they would show the monster or the clown in full detail, usually fully lit, and they’d hold on it for a good long while. Hell, in the basement scene they even show you the clown BEFORE he yells boo. Like – you’re not supposed to focus in on the thing creeping into the frame down in the corner in a separate shot to foreshadow what’s coming – you’re supposed to work that in the background or something so maybe you don’t notice it right away, and right when you do it comes at you. Simple shit. Then there’s the one where he jumped out of the coffin – first the scene led up to the kid opening the coffin – inside of which there was a doll that looked to be his likeness? But he didn’t act creeped out by this, he acted relieved, which was confusing to me. Then he closes the coffin, walks away, and BOO – there’s the clown. But he jumps out, and lands on the coffin in this sort of “badass glory pose”. So I know you’re getting tired of reading this but this is where it all comes together – the scare moments for the most part I don’t even think were “meant” to be scary – I think they were meant to look cool. Like all they are there for is to sell the image of the clown, and they do so in a way that almost feels like they were made specifically for trailers. Maybe they were aiming for some crossover, like people might be startled but also want to see the clown – and maybe it worked I mean this is a very successful movie but I think they are banking more on the clown thing. Which brings me to my next point: body horror. If you can’t do scary, you need to go full-on grotesque body horror. It was almost there with that last action sequence – like when they are beating it with pipes and bats – one kid goes to swing at its face and it like catches the bat with all the burnt arms coming out of its throat, and then every time it flipped around to approach someone else it would specifically assume the physical form of their fear – I thought that was all very neat. I liked that It was shown mid-action to actually be changing form, it kind of helped ground the creature in reality as a singular entity rather than an all-magical being that was everywhere at once. Needed more of that. Final point – the fact that they thought it was necessary to literalize “we all float down here” was incredibly stupid. At least I thought so. Maybe this was a thing in the book, I don’t know, but I always thought that “we all float down here” was either an ongoing callback to Georgie asking “do they float?” or was some sort of analogy that sort of implied that It didn’t just feast on your body that it ate your soul too – when he said “we all float down here” in the TV-movie I always kind of thought it meant like – if he eats you, you become a part of him for eternity, and your “soul” if you want to call it that never goes to rest. But idk that was just my interpretation. Oh one more thing – I had to use google to remember who Stanley was in the original movie. In this he was the jewish kid, but in the TV-movie he was “the bird watcher”. Which by the way goes to show that you should probably go to the effort of giving characters more than one trait if you want us to believe them or for that matter recognize them. Aight that about wraps it up.

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