Half in the Bag: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters and Jack the Giant Slayer

March 5, 2013691 Comments

Mike and Jay discuss the latest action fantasy films adapted from old timey fairy tales, and discuss this baffling recent trend.

Other Formats: YouTube


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Filed in: General UpdatesHalf in the Bag

  • DrVagary

    Fuck movies!

  • Guest

    Ersten

    • FFahcs Yorec

      Fick dich selber, du Arschloch!

  • Cyvaris

    Gahh why must this be posted just as I go to bed?

    • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

      Because it’s stylistically designed to be that way and you can’t undo that, but you can diminish the effects of it.

      • simple_jack1

        WHORE-HEY-LOOOOOCUS!

        COME OUT TO PLAY-AY!

        • whore hey loo cuss

          Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

          • simple_jack1

            Very insightful… and dense.

          • whore hey loo cuss

            Well, it’s stylistically designed to be that way and you can’t undo that, but you can diminish the effects of it.

            SQUAWK!

          • simple_jack1

            In all seriousness though, I’m kind of tired of all the constant quoting too. I’d rather we just conversed like normal people and I know we can do it. I know we can do it because… it’s impossible.

          • whore hey loo cuss

            What’s wrong with your faaaaacetiousness?

          • simple_jack1

            I may have gone too far in a few places…

    • Christopher Kulik

      When did you read or hear your fairy tales? RIGHT BEFORE GOING TO BED, sheesh!

    • creep from the interwebz

      What are you wearing?

      • capitandelespacio

        Maybe you went too far in a few places.

    • Mr.Lonely jack off

      You would recommend me both movies? Since Mike has sex with his girlfriend he has become so positive
      I can’t stand it. You changed man! When was the last time you said at
      the opening title of HitB “I put chicken strips in my asshole”?

      • Comments Section Victim

        I can… the effects… so dense, every single image… It’s like po… it rhymes… check your… it’s going to be… Sir, they’ve gone up the ventilation shaft… unsubscribe… Who… am I?
        … what’s… wrong… with… your…..

  • Habudesh

    Little Miss Muffet in: Eight Legged Fury. Chapter One

    • Mr. T. Tek Nilp

      Muffet 2: Kurds and Way . . . Out of Control

      • kindwordsonly

        Muffet 3: Get Off My Tuffet!

        • Micheal Moore

          Muffet 4: Now we Must Join Forces with Spider to Defeat the Bad-guy Vampire-Wizards.

          • kindwordsonly

            Muffet 5: The Reboot. Edgier. Grittier. Spiderier.

  • some guy

    in video advertising, but why?

    • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

      Because it’s like poetry, it rhymes.

      Every stanza kind of rhymes with the last one.

      • Jorge Lucas

        Let’s hope it works.

        • capitandelespacio

          It’s gonna be great.

    • some other guy

      It’s a milwaukee based company so they’re plugging a friend or a local business.

  • Gregg the GMan

    Where’s the background music?

  • anon

    The fuck was that advert?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25914690 Johann Schmidt

      amazingly it wasn’t porn.

      • capitandelespacio

        gay-midget-anal-raping-porn actually

  • Ryan

    That’s right, Gay!

    • ironic *wink wink nudge nudge

      You know you want it.

  • Anonymoose

    Your reviews are great!

  • strand0410

    Postmodern fantasy as a weird subgenre and go ahead and fuck itself.

    • ironic *wink wink nudge nudge

      I agree.Comic book movies suck ass.

  • FkMovies

    Love Mike’s little Hansel and Gretel action skit!

  • http://www.facebook.com/deejaytaufiq Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    Oh yes, finally!

    Poor Nicholas Hoult. he’s too good for this.

  • kindwordsonly

    Mike looks much healthier in this episode. I’m glad.

    • or pick a name

      Probably Yoko is making healthy sandwiches for him, as well as reducing his drinking time with friends.Still, if you would check the archive with their very old amateur projects, you will notice how much thinner he was.

    • Jigsaw

      Your are easily fooled by a shave!

      • kindwordsonly

        But he *is* unshaven.

        • Jigsaw

          Less than usual.

  • Wylde

    Oh, Goddammit! When’s the next Plinkett review????

  • http://www.facebook.com/treknologist Clifford T. Hall

    Without seeing H&G, by seeing the trailer alone, it looked much better than any film in the Underworld series or Lincoln. Trend? Fairy Tales have been continually retold. There was also a blast of fairy tale movies at the end of the last century. We like to retell stories. That’s what most films are. Just retellings. Is it too dumb? Maybe. Will it make money? Let’s give it a shot. Is it edgy independent art? Doubtful.

  • iliekchocolatemilk

    You guys need to do this full-time so I can see a new movie review every time I refresh this site!

  • http://profiles.google.com/corywgross Cory Gross

    You guys didn’t mention Once Upon A Time, which kind of falls into this category of revisionist fairy tales. Besides being a TV series, it does seem to differ a bit from the rest of this wave by having much more of that Eighties, Jim Hensonish, Princess Brideish vibe to it… Making things ultra-violent is a cheap way of making things “dark” that doesn’t really work for fairy tales. It dishonours the source material, because even though the Brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault had some pretty nasty stuff going on in their stories, they weren’t these massive Lord of the Rings-style battles with blood and gore and guts and veins in their teeth. Movies like Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, and Return to Oz were dark by virtue of being stylish, which Once Upon A Time also accomplishes.

  • Johnny Walker Purple

    based on the fairy tale? No it wasn’t. It was based on the 60′s action movie Jack the Giant Killer.

    • guest

      I’m going to assume…NO…I’m going to HOPE that you’re attempting to make a joke.

      It’s a failed attempt, but at least it beats the alternative: that you’re just an idiot.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jon.wahlen Jon T. Wahlen

    I`ve seen the cate boars too many times..

    • Mr. T. Tek Nilp

      The Mary-Cate and Ashley Boars?

  • kindwordsonly

    Didn’t Jack The Giantslayer have the same problem that Mr. Plinkett pointed out in the Star wars sequels – you don’t know *whose* movie it it? Is it jack’s Or Ewan MacGregor’s? Or the Princess’?

  • 4chan4lyfe

    gee… where did this cycle of films with a recognizable title (like the title lord of the rings) with a big epic battle (like in the lord of the rings) start?

    could it be… lord of the rings?

    • fuck4chan

      Gee, I wonder if that’s why they reference Lord of the Rings so much??? You think that’s related??????!!!!!

    • zeitguest

      …or was it Krull?

  • http://www.facebook.com/timchuma Tim Chmielewski

    I thought the classic literature as action movies genre was kicked off by the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies book that was optioned, but still has not had the movie released based on it?

  • Ian A

    Watch out dudes, or you just might become the next Siskel and Ebert………and then you’d have to watch almost every new movie that comes out……..scary though, eh?

  • E

    Good reviews guys. I’m actually curious about the new OZ film and I hope you guys review it too. Also wasn’t there or maybe its coming out soon twilight-esque movie about witches? It has Emma Thompson in it? Thats probably the actor who will give Jeremy Irons run for his money who can ham it up more in a bad film.

  • Forticulous

    Speaking of big action movies based on classic literature… John Carter

  • Anonymoose

    With regards to Harry Potter, you forgot the penultimate young-adult sorcery movie:

    My Magic Dog!

  • JoeJoe

    Jack the Giant Killer (1962) is a must watch B movie. There’s also a Rifftrax Live version, but it’s orignally a 1700′s folk tale.

    Hollywood had to change “Killer” to “Slayer”, because, you know, Hollywood, Fuck Movies.

    • ironic *wink wink nudge nudge

      Yes slaying is humane as killing is not.

    • Christopher Kulik

      I also liked the Jack, the Giant Killer episode from the first season of THREE’S COMPANY.

    • Robert Lenski

      I grew up knowing the “Abbot and Costello” version before the Disney one. What kind of a childhood do I have then?

  • Evan

    Even though you guys are correct that that list of films were produced due to the success of Harry Potter, I don’t think all of them are that bad. Nanny McPhee is a simple film that’s great for children, and A Series of Unfortunate Events has some of the best sets and production design I’ve ever seen.

    • ryan

      They never say any of them are bad. They say that they exist because of the success of Harry Potter. The quality of the individual films has nothing to do with the point they’re making.

      • Jorge lucas

        Yeah, but they specifically say “there are original ideas and there are ripoffs”. Actually all these kid fantasies are original. They are all from original books. I love Half in the Bag but they kind of have two ideas going at the same time here. The “What have we got?” idea where the same type of movie is rushed out because another of the same type did well and the original/ripoff idea. Then they sort of drift into a third idea about movies that are turned into ACTION or turned into Sexy Teen vehicles. They’re actually covering a lot of ideas here.

        • zeitguest

          …and actually, there weren’t, that I recall, any book adaptation films in DIRECT competition – like, kids going to school to be wizards having adventures. The Dark is Rising would have been the closest thing but they butchered it with that The Seeker awfulness.

          (Dark is Rising? Winner of two Newberry awards? No? Well, the parents would have remembered reading it and dragged the kids to the film at least…)

      • Jorge Lucas

        They say “there are original films and there are ripoffs” implying they’re bad.

        • Jigsaw

          That’s just your interpretation. Rip-offs can be very good. Uncreative. But good.

  • Ameila

    I like the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movies. They’re fun pulpy mysteries just like the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle stories. :]

    • Mike

      Well, the original Doyle stories didn’t have gatling gun shootouts on moving trains.

      (I shit you not, I fell asleep in the theatre when that scene was happening in the second one. Something about a consistent volume drone acting like a lullabye. Lullaby. L’labie.)

  • guest

    I fail to see the connection between A Series of Unfortunate Events and Harry Potter besides the target audience. Also, I haven’t seen the movie of Bridge to Terabithia, but I don’t recall that being anything like Harry Potter either.

    • anotherguest

      They’re not saying every movie is the exact same type of content. They’re saying that all those movies are fantasy-type books aimed at children, and the success of Harry Potter is what led to them being turned int films. I’m so sorry you fail to understand such a simple thing.

      • guest

        Right, but just because they were released within a certain time proximity of Harry Potter doesn’t mean that they were released solely because of HP’s popularity. When they don’t have similar content it seems like an odd claim.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25914690 Johann Schmidt

      they’re all established book series that are popular with kids and young adults.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25914690 Johann Schmidt

    The really crazy part about the Golden Compass is that Hollywood clearly didn’t read the final book in the series where the characters, I am not making this up, FUCKING KILL GOD! Yes that’s right Hollywood green light a movie series that ends with the death of God. So if you ever wondered why we never saw more polar bears in armor fighting each other, that’s not the reason. The movie did terribly in theaters because the trilogy is actually incredibly dark and depressing it is not a kids movie and really despite the books being marketed to kids it’s not really meant for them either or at least not if parents realize the entire story is an allegory for puberty and having sex..

    • FFahcs Yorec

      EVERYTHING IS AN ALLEGORY FOR PUBERTY AND HAVING SEX!!!!

    • andy

      Oh, it’s meant to be a kids’ book. Pullman (the author) is well on record as saying he hates the Chronicles of Narnia, considers them loathsome Christian propaganda, and wrote His Dark Materials as an anti-theist counterpoint. The first movie sucked because they had to cut out all that stuff, which left the story limp and pointless. And the second and third books, sadly, did not have nearly as many polar bears in armor.

  • http://twitter.com/SAULiO91 Saul Pearce

    List of movies I would like to see remade with epic fight scenes:

    1. The Big Lebowski: Even Bigger-er! – Jeff Bridges reprises his role of Kevin Flynn for this action packed reboot. Re-cast James Franco as Donny.

    2. The Shawshank Redemption – Remake includes Dufraine crawling back up shit creek with an AK-47 and a glock 9mm to go kill the bad man and free the slaves.

    3. The Elephant Man – John Merrick has to kill his handler and escape from the circus to win the heart of the presidents daughter, and the mind of the nation.

    • David T.

      I would definitely pay to see that Elephant Man remake.

    • Dixon Bawls

      I’ll take 1 “Quentin Tarantino’s Rocky and Bullwinkle”, please.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adrian.inness Adrian Inness

    How dare you! Wait no, I am fat, bearded and love violence.

  • Mr. T. Tek Nilp

    So, Hawkeye fights witches and Beast fights giants?

  • Dr Normal

    Jay… Actually SMILING while describing a movie? We must watch for other signs of the apocalypse

  • Mr. T. Tek Nilp

    Where do movies come from?

    I thought the stork brought them.

  • l1flafly

    You guys should probably watch Bridge to Terabithia, you might be in for a surprise.

    • ironic *wink wink nudge nudge

      That movie made me wonder if i might be a pedophile.
      ♥ ♥ Robert Patrick ♥ ♥

    • Rei

      Yeah, I’d agree 100%. Bridge to Terabithia can’t really be lumped with those other movies.

    • Jigsaw

      Yeah, that movie is a prime example for completely false and misleading advertising. They made it look like a fantasy movie for kids while it actually is a pretty dark and sad drama.

    • capitandelespacio

      That’s 1024GB of magic and Fun!

    • deerstop

      Too sappy in the end. :) I watched it together with dad, and he was like “Awwww” in the end, and I was like *facepalm*.

  • ironic *wink wink nudge nudge

    Yay! The Care Boars!

  • you greedy losers

    I will rather day than visit hotbutteredpopcorn.com. I hate forced commercials so much. You were on a white list in my AdBlock, but after that I’ve decided to use AdBlock on your site, you sellouts.

    • grow-up

      1. Nobody’s forcing you to visit that website.

      2. AdBlock won’t eliminate an in-video ad

      3. You’re going to complain about what amounts to literally 20 seconds of a 30 minute video? A video where they complain about how most movies are unoriginal garbage, thus eliminating any possibility that they’re selling out and giving positive reviews to movies they don’t like? Fucking grow up.

    • FFahcs Yorec

      You pumpkin head.It’s just another movie site.

      What,you thought it was actually a site for popcorn? Buttered popcorn? Up your ass ?

    • Mike

      Wait. You’ll rather “day”?

      Well, sir, year certainly entitled to your week opinion, but around here, hour support for RLM is… uh… month.

      CENTURY*

      *Hell yeah, I’m balling with typo-correction at 3AM on a Tuesday.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dathan.nrysdale Dathan Nrysdale

    In your extras you forgot to mention “Little Miss Muffet: Curds and Whey of the Fist”

  • Tomy

    Ok, well I have to finally ask: Greeley Estates? Really?

  • Youtube

    I’m going to need a loop of Mike doing the action moves and sound effects @16:55.

  • http://twitter.com/closedmouth Annabelle
  • Daggoth

    Wait… was that the Kurlan naiskos?

  • Tomy

    By the way: The latest (and very, very butchered) version of Alice was actually based on the game – American McGee’s Alice. Note: Not the latest Alice game, the game before that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ethan.wainman Ethan Wainman
    • FFahcs Yorec

      An awesome movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/justin.cole.961 Justin Cole

    the only thing i disagreed with you guys on here was calling Bridge to Terabithia a Harry Potter knock off. It’s a pretty solid coming of age film that stays sort of family friendly. If one of you guys haven’t seen it yet id suggest ya give it a look at.

    • YourMomma

      I think their point was that it got made at that point because of Harry Potter, not because they think it was bad..

      • Jigsaw

        Then their point is completely ridiculous and based on the false marketing and not the actual movie. Bridge to Terabithia has absolutely nothing to with Harry Potter. Especially thematically. There are no actual fantasy elements in Therabithia. All the fantasy elements that you see in the trailer only take place in the kid’s imagination. The film is actually a drama about real world problems. Of course you can’t know that if you haven’t seen it. But if you haven’t seen it, you shouldn’t judge it.

        • CB

          The producers didn’t see it before they green-lit it, but they did it because they thought (especially with the help of some misleading advertising) that they could make money off the Harry Potter craze.

          • bimbam

            If their goal was just to make money off of the Harry Potter craze from the beginning they wouldn’t have made a Bridge to Terabithia movie. They’d have made The Spiderwick Chronicles. The point isn’t that it’s not bad (Spiderwick Chronicles and Narnia aren’t bad either), it’s that it’s not a fantasy movie at all.

            The advertising guys just had no idea how to market it.

        • dsadsa

          but none of the marketing before the fact reflected that. it looked like a Harry Potter-esque movie with kids going to fantasy land, and certainly gained some success off of that image.

  • grittypowerranger

    does Jack and Jill count as part of this gritty reboot of classic folk tale trend ?

    • CB

      “Gritty” in this context means “dark” or “edgy”, not gritty like you’ve accidentally eaten a handful of sand and now your stool is scraping your colon into a bloody mess.

  • Anonymous

    So I guess you folks are really looking forward to Oz the Great and Powerful. [/sarcasm] Perhaps a Jack and Jill style review is in order.

    That movie is allegedly pushing a $325 million total budget (marketing included).

  • LarrysPuke

    I love this show. I visit your website every day looking to see if you’ve posted another episode. Also, I had sex with a bird.

    • Andy S

      Human or avian?

      • NotLarrysPuke

        Ovarian.

  • http://www.facebook.com/allan.moza Allan Bøgeskov Jensen

    Sinatra you fuck!

  • http://twitter.com/VaughnFry Vaughn Fry

    Bring back BOTW!

  • Hänsel von der Alm

    You guys sure don’t know anything about foreign pronounciation.
    Han-Zel and Greddle are hanselling things and greddeling their way into the current side-ghist of modernising fairytales. It’s all right – if I read this comment out loud you wouldn’t mistake me for a native speaker, either.

    Now take a look at this freaky letter: ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ

    • Mike

      That fancy A is like a dude with two eyes (them zany dots) and then a tiny horizontal mouth, and then a very angled and strange moustache. That’s serifed. And thicker on one side than the other. (That’s What She Said.)

      (I’m not sure why she said that.)

  • Dead_Parade

    Hmmmmm, adverts… Will this mean even more RLM?… I might be ok with this.

  • boggel

    What was it at the end? What Jay i talking about, why i it to soon? For what?

    • Liquidus

      This i a really good question. Unfortunately there i no way to explain, it i too complex.

    • A

      Jennifer Lawrence tripped on the stairs when she won the oscar

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Tardio/100000799704219 Steven Tardio

    People complaining about the in video ads, is it really that big of a deal? They need to make up revenue for everyone using adblock. I don’t understand the hate towards ads on web shows. A half hour show on tv is actually only 22 minutes long because of 8 minutes of commercials. These web series usually only show one 30 second ad in the beginning and sometimes another in the middle. They make revenue to keep production costs down so they can continue to bring us a show we enjoy. What are they supposed to do, dump time and money into something at a complete loss to keep a few happy?

    • Bigoted White Man

      HotButteredPopcorn.com?! What the bloody hell is HotButteredPopcorn.com???

      • Love + Love + Teenagers =money

        Hey, Mike and Jay! You must review that really awful documentary on that My Little Pony fad called Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony. It’s absolutely terrible!

        Have Rich Evans watch it too, I want him to laugh at all the saddos being interviewed!

        • Alex

          There are a lot of bronies who are RLM fans, myself included. While I don’t consider that documentary to be a masterpiece by any means, I have more respect for Mike and Jay than to think they are the kind of people who would jump on a hate-bandwagon. They don’t make fun of things just for the sake of being douchebags. Now, you seem to dislike bronies and the MLP fad. Don’t you think it’s a little suspicious that you seem to know quite a lot about it instead of ignoring it, like most people do to things they don’t care for?

          • corkscrew

            Cute strawman you got there. How the ride on the MLP love bandwagon?

          • Alex

            … Quite nice actually, I’ve met some incredible people and witnessed amazing feats of talent, kindness, and generosity. I really have no idea what strawman you’re referring to. If you’re implying that nobody hates on the MLP fandom, you haven’t looked in the mirror lately. Just be prepared to be disappointed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mike or Jay turned out to be bronies. Most intelligent, open-minded people (like Mike and Jay) who give it a shot find at the very least there’s nothing truly horrible about the show, even if it’s not something they want to get into. MLP looks like a masterpiece compared to some of the shlock RLM has reviewed.

          • Marvin Falz

            At last year’s auction to fund the production of Space Cop they’ve offered some beer bottle collectables attached to plaques that they had colored in FiM pony colors. That was kinda sweet .. so to say. And it was a definite nod to the MLP fan section of the webzone.

          • Alex

            Really? That’s awesome. If you have a photo of that, you should definitely post it on the /mlp subreddit, I’d want to see it.

          • Marvin Falz

            I can’t show you a photo but on RLM’s eBay Feedback Profile page you find one entry that says “Half in the Bag collectable beer bottle (49/50) Cupcake Edition!”. It’s right on the first page.
            http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=redlettermedia708&ftab=FeedbackAsSeller

          • Mike

            I don’t get it. Like, do you like to collect the toys? Because I have like WAY too many Optimus Prime toys because of my chronic manbabygina, but like, at least those things gots lasers and don’t smell like butterscotch.

            (Is it a gay thing?)

      • Mark Bisone
      • M

        Oh, it’s one of those sites, meh.

      • Eric

        It’s called a sponsor. Or were you expecting these guys to slave to entertain you for nothing?

    • ReverendSinatra

      Honestly the comments section on these videos is so bad I’m not surprised to see them whinge on an on about a couple of almost non-existent ads.

    • Christopher Kulik

      I’m not complaining, although I still refuse to support Disney this year because of that retarded Buzz Lightyear ad playing for the past 2 months.

      • Guest

        Yeah, that’ll show ‘em!

        • zeitguest

          I do however mindlessly buy Totino’s Pizza Rolls because of redlettermedia.

          I have some in my freezer right now along with some milk stout I’m hiding from myself at the back of my fridge. I’m gonna break em out when the Plinkett Prometheus review comes out if ever, like, if that’s a thing even. Or if there’s a snowstorm. Or if today is laundry day and I haven’t gone to the grocery store in awhile. You can see how important this is!

          • Mike

            I literally wish they sold them in Canada. I’d exacerbate my heart disease buy eating them whenever a new RLM video came out. The same way I eat the same horrifying sundae Kevin McAllister eats in Home Alone when I watch it.

    • The Mage

      Dude all I want is a high production value, high definition piece of entertainment where I pay nothing and don’t have to watch any ads. And I want it whenever I want it, on any device. and I want to be massaged by a naked woman with DD breasts while watching WITHOUT any ads on them. Why is that too much to ask for? isn’t that what my grandfather fought for in WWII? You would piss on his legacy?

      • Mike

        Wait, so is it the breasts that don’t have any ads on them? Like those Golden Whatsit temporary tattoos UFC ring girls get?

        Golden… I’m going to think of this without resorting to Google, I promise. Golden Nugget. Golden Palace!

        I Googled. I’m sorry. But it was driving me nuts.

    • jimmybrite

      I don’t mind it, it’s the “To see extra footage from this episode go to *Insert website here* ” shit that I don’t like.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff

    Support your favorite webshows; turn off the adblock.

    • FFahcs Yorec

      No.

      There’s a donate button in the top corner of the site.No need to eat shit just to support them.
      If you believe the only way of supporting somebody is done by cash.You capitalist whore.

      • Bob JaBopistan

        You realize that donating = supporting somebody with cash.

        Oh, what? Am I going to donate a fucking hug?

        • Bob JaBopistan

          And I use adblock. I’m just not obtuse enough to suggest that I can still support them while using adblock.

          • FFahcs Yorec

            Grow a fucking sense of humor.

            Also just to give you an example for arguments sake; you can support somebody by spreading the word around how great is their website and how awesome their shit is and be generally annoying to the people in your life with your free advertising of RLM and maybe attract some other suckers to donate or not use adblock.

            You capitalist pig.

            Lighten up.Life is too short to take everything seriously and literally.

            Yes,there are still people out there who don’t know about the existence of RLM.

          • Bob Jabopistan

            Okay, I’ll concede that I could support them by getting people who don’t use adblock to watch.

          • Mike

            I’m sure you’re paying for your internet with money from capitalistic endeavours, though. No?

            To be fair, I’m totally a pig, though. I used one of those “Two Can Dine for $9.99″ coupons from McDonald’s, and I ATE BOTH OF THE FUCKING MEALS.

            Christ, heart disease, here I come.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff

        I’ve got plenty of time; what I don’t have plenty of is money; if Blip is willing to give RLM money for my time, who cares if the commercials are shitty; it’s only 30-seconds.

        Unless you believe that the only way of supporting somebody is through cash, capitalist whore. <_<…see, I threw the insult back at you only now it makes sense.

        • FFahcs Yorec

          Awww..Did I make you feel the butthurt ?

          Fucks Yoreck sounds better.

          • Mike

            I’m confused why both Fs are capitalized. Corey SchaFF is an odd name.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff

        Plus it’s “Yeroc”, not Yorec, dumbass.

  • Kid Fisto

    Link to the extra crap. It’s really funny.
    http://vimeo.com/61120378

    • FFahcs Yorec

      “Jokes are now real”

      • lotny

        I remember joking about how of all the movies they couldn’t possibly make a sequel to Crank… and yet it happened…

  • cacalips

    FIND A DIFFERENT MEDIA PLAYER! this shits broke!

  • matt

    the ending = too precious :D

  • shazam

    I was looking at Jay’s shirt and noticed how baggy it is…I then looked at Mike…it’s just dawned upon me: THEY ONLY HAVE ONE COSTUME.

  • JohnFr33man

    Oh god, the ending scene had my laughing with tears. I love all the awkward acting you put on for Half in the Bag.

  • bb-15

    Solid episode. I think Jay mentioned other major influences for these recent action fairy tale movies, the Ray Harryhausen films (like The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad) and the Lord of the Rings movies.

  • Weirdo

    “Bridge to Terabithia” is amazing and has nothing to do with all those Harry Potter rip-offs.

  • Boggerman

    Mike needs to make more sound effects with his pie hole.

  • http://www.facebook.com/santiago.slaby Santiago Slaby

    Did the Emerald City blow… NnnnhhhhhnnNNOOOOOO!!!

  • Jigsaw

    Fun fact: Eragon is actually a very close remake of Star Wars. Think about it: it starts off with a princess with an important possession being hunted by the bad guys. That possession falls into the hands of a farmboy while the princess is being captured.Then the farmboy’s family dies and his home burns down. But the farmboy meets an old wizard who teaches him magic and takes him on a journey. While they set out to rescue the princess from captivity and torture they meet a shifty scoundrel who is good at heart. The old wizard dies during the rescue attempt, but the farmboy, the princess and the scoundrel manage to escape to the base of the good guys. Finally the base of the good guys is being attacked by evil forces, and the farmboy, utilizing his newfound magical powers and a dragon, defeats the main threat in the form of an evil dragonlike apparition, thus ending the conflict for the time being.

    • Dr Phil

      So, you want to say that you’ve seen Eragon, right?
      You poor soul.

      • Dr. Dr.

        I saw it with the aid of my friends Michael J. Nelson and Kevin U. Murphy.

        • Mike

          Death Rat!

          (I saw it with the aid of my friends Jack Daniels and Coke Aine. Crap. There’s got to be a better like, anthromorphized (what’s the sciencword for turning a thing into a name?) for cocaine. Cole Kaine. Now we’re getting into shitty PS3 Action Hero Brown-Haired White Male Protagonist names.)

  • Rich Evan’s Constant Erection

    I am eternal.

    *Cackles/ cockles gloriously*

  • http://www.facebook.com/jose.velasquez.31945 Jose Velasquez

    Don’t forget to check out the Half In The Bag extras ^^
    http://notyourmamas.hotbutteredpopcorn.com/?p=843

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Theo-Jackson/1563067829 Theo Jackson

    Aww yeah!

  • capitandelespacio

    Never forget about “League of Extraordinary Gentleman” and “Van Helsing”, two movies that maybe are the genesis of this action-adventure-brand recognition-fary-magic-mike-tale-gritty-darker-rises-knight

    • FFahcs Yorec

      No.Those belong into “the stupid comic book movie” category.

      Well,not so sure about Van Helsing,but The League of Extremlly Forgotten Actors is based on a comic book.Van Helsing is probably “inspired” by vampire movies like Underworld .

      • capitandelespacio

        I want a pizza roll.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jose.velasquez.31945 Jose Velasquez

    It said also starring RICH EVANS!!! WHERES RICH EVANS!!!?!?!?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jubal-Biggs/686455551 Jubal Biggs

    Whaaat? Why didn’t you guys mention The Brothers Grim? As far as I can tell; that was THE archetypical big dumb action movie version of a fairy tale (or fairy tale authors; what’s the difference, we just want name recognition). In fact; I’m pretty surprised you didn’t notice the glaring similarities between the Brothers Grimm and the Hansel and Gretel ripoff. (I actually kind of liked Grimm by the way. It bordered on surreal and had a few really nice scenes in the witch tower).

  • http://twitter.com/uncdan85 Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

    Ah now I have to watch “Army of Darkness” again. Thanks for the reminder of a ridiculously fun movie.

  • AdamCoates

    I would pay to see a movie that is just Mike making Xtreme action scene sounds and waving his hands around for an hour and a half.

    • FFahcs Yorec

      It’s gonna be great!

    • Guest

      My new ringtone.

  • lalalal

    Why not Hansel & Gretel Get Baked ?

    Awesome shlock!

  • Rom

    email this webzone if you want some hot buttered popcorn

  • http://twitter.com/hauntedink Michael Heumann

    If they are looking for a source for action-packed versions of fairy tales or stories for young adults, then isn’t the more obvious “starting-point” the Lord of the Rings movies and not Harry Potter?

    • guest

      They didn’t say Harry Potter was a starting point for the current trend of action fairy tale movies. They just use it as an example of a movie that becomes very successful and spawns imitators.

      • Mike

        I wish “Spawn” spawned imitators.

        More John Leguizamo as fatso clowns, please. Leguizamo? Leguisamo. I’m not even going to look this up. I’m just going to hit po-

  • Cary

    The sad thing about Robin Hood is how good it could have
    been. Go lookup the original script called Nottingham, it is all about the
    Sherriff trying to solve this series of murders with Robin Hood and the King
    drama as a backdrop to the investigation. It is a pretty cool read and a good
    example of how an awesome script can get totally fucked up.

    • John

      Yeah, they had to put all that magna carta bullshit, as well as so many other missteps… There were funny times too, like when those kids without armour with wooden spears and on ponies formed up to charge knights…
      Russel Crowe could have been a good RH, but that movie was just a big mess.

    • Mike

      My favorite part of Robin Hood is how he just uses this weird hammer-axe. (That’s not actually my favorite part: I would adore the Legitimate Historical Serious Robin Hood ((I.E. Kingdom of Heaven is like, warts and all, my second favorite movie of all time)) even if he didn’t use a bow, but when you go to a movie called ‘Robin Hood’, you’re gonna get soccer moms that expect him to shoot some fancy arrows.)

  • Tritium3H

    Is it just me, or does it look like the boys have way too much light on them…the video looks washed out. There is like zero contrast ratio. I can’t even make out the bottled beer labels. Otherwise, great episode.

    • Mike

      At first I thought you said “the boys have too much weight on them” and I was going to agree. Gotta keep those hearts healthy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bigbobpataki Matt DeCostanza

    I’m a troll and I find the booger-eating troll stereotype highly offensive.

  • No Seriously

    So which was the “natural ending” for jack? it can’t have been once the kids got off the beanstalk; they had shown the crown was still up in the clouds along with the beans

  • MicalMorSukingAkiraKurswasDik

    Watershed movies, huh? Star Wars was a rip-off of Hidden Fortress. On my dvd copy of Hidden Fortress is an actual interview with George Lucas, where he admits to ripping-off (omaging?) Hidden Fortress. Star Wars was a big-budget sci-fi remake of Hidden Fortress.

    • goosh

      Yeah you’re missing the point in order to show how “smart” you are. Star Wars was one of the most financially successful movies ever made. As a result, there were plenty of movies that came out ripping off Star Wars. The fact that Star Wars drew inspiration from other sources has nothing to do with the point they’re making. Not too hard to understand.

    • MicalMorSukingAkiraKurswasDik

      Although noone probably saw Hidden Fortress. So I guess the earliest ones people can remember are the originals to some people. Like how I keep hearing Johnny Cash acoustic covers of rock songs sneak onto my rock station.

    • guest

      Did Hidden Fortress spawn endless ripoffs due to it’s huge financial success?

      Point missed, sir.

  • Marketing Genius

    So you sellouts wanna sell some popcorn, eh? I’m assuming so, because I’m not gonna visit the advertised website.
    To sell more popcorn you got to film Rich Evans eating popcorn for like 10 minutes and put that clip into your videos every 5 minutes apart. People will love it, trust me.

  • Harry Butters

    Anyone know when Rumpelstiltskin is coming out? I heard it’s going to be epic.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Spike.Ghost Jean-François Martel

    Gemma Arterton was in The Disappearance of Alice Creed guys! You should watch it it’s pretty great.

  • Rick

    In before whore hey loo cuss takes a giant shit on the comments.

  • Leo

    Also of note is “Hey, The Dark Knight was successful, so obviously it will also work for this character too” and then we end up with something like a ‘dark and gritty’ Spider-Man, which really doesn’t work.

    • Mike

      This is how we get the fun-less James Bond of “Skyfall” and what looks to be a depressed and sad Tony Stark in “Ironman 3.” I’m all for like, having no fun and just being a sad, depressed lump of serious baggage, but all movies nowadays are just allergic to fun. Even this Superbman movie about The Man Who Steals looks uncomfortably serious.

      (Not to mention the unwarranted use of The Lord of the Rings score to emphasize (emphasise? I can never remember) the Serious.)

  • SoDense.gov

    I’m still waiting for the gritty retelling of Humpty Dumpty directed by Eli Roth.

  • http://twitter.com/tertiaryinteger tertiaryintervention

    I love the ads! It means more shows. And yes I am a kiss ass. But also I love this show and I will go to the their advertisers to support them. Sorry.

  • Graceless

    Here are all the recent big dumb action movies based on classic literature or name recognition I could find:
    John Carter, The Raven, Conan the Barbarian, King Kong, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Beowulf, King Arthur

    A few more young adult novel movies:
    The Hunger Games, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Ella Enchanted, The Princess Diaries, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Charlotte’s Web, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

    I love movies based on name recognition! It makes skimming Wikipedia so much easier :)

    • Paul

      To be fair, the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies are phenomenal.

  • Astor

    Now I just want to watch AoD yet again…

  • duckne5t

    Wow, I am surprised. These are two of the movies I thought would be absolute crap. But I agreee with Mike and Jay on almost 1000% of their reviews, so maybe i actually will have to check this out…

  • http://www.facebook.com/treknologist Clifford T. Hall

    The first time I watched this I thought Mike and Jay gave the same review to both films. I don’t think they did, or maybe that was their intention? Anyways, that could be a hilarious sketch to do a series of reviews and just rubber stamp a generic review to each film.

  • Red

    I saw Hansel and Gretel Opening weekend with some some friends at a matinee in an empty theater. We had a fucking blas making jokes over it the entire time.

    It really is a fun movie. And hell, I’d read an ongoing comic about it. The “team” formed at the end leaves room for it too

  • yu stu

    have they run out of fucking fairy tales yet? Do we have to have a reboot of ALice in Wonderland or Oz whateverthefuck? Do they have to make a movie about every-fucking-thing-that-has-ever-fucking-existed? When does The Ugly Duckling and Humpty Dumpty Revolutions get released? Like Plinkett says, “Fuck Movies”.

  • smylexx

    Billy Goats Gruff: Clip-Clop Hip-Hop Boogaloo

    The Gingerbread Man-You can run….

    Sleeping Beauty -Wakey-Wakey:Rise and Die

    Cinderella: Prepare for a Slipperin’

    Rumplestiltskin: What’s Mahh Name, Bitch?

    Feel free Hollywood, it’s only a matter of time.

  • danny

    Red letter media should have watched life of piiiii

  • GoFurtherBack

    Mike and Jay keep alluding to but refuse to go deeper into the subject as to why movies are the way they are now. If they step back one step further and notice that the Man-Child (and Woman-Child) demographic has skewed the economics of entertainment, it all becomes very clear. 12 year olds and 40 year olds now have the same interests, the same intellectual intrigues, the same attention spans, etc. Why go for a niche that’s against the wall when you have a 30 or even 40 year long demographic taking up the entire space and ever-growing that consists entirely of people who have money to burn and are easily susceptible to advertisements, marketing, genre-exploitation and nostalgia? That’s where the nostaligia for child-oriented things to be renewed for a more “mature” audience is coming from. Nostaliga + Lowest Common Denominator Man-Child = Hansel + Gretel Zombie Killers, or modern day comic book movies. Movies for adults but only technically meets movies for kids but not technically. Two birds meets one stone. Cha meets ching.
    What made Harry Potter (and twilight and hunger games, etc) so popular has little to do with the subject matter and everything to do with being a story for kids that, for whatever reason, man-children twice the age of the intended demographic clung onto as well. And now that everyone is lumped into one demographic, a simple story becomes a zeitgeist.
    Love your show. It’s the discussions at the end that elevate it beyond your typical internet chatter. I guess if you’re running out of modern movie themes to talk about, I hope I might have given you guys one.

    • CorbeauNoir

      As usual it’s all the hipsters’ fault

      • Paul

        It was their fault before there was blame.

    • JarJarEvans

      best. post. ever

    • Leo

      Well, that’s all very elitist and arrogant. Some of love comic books AND more ‘adult’material. Some of us have a soul. Each to their own, my friend. :-)

      • GoFurtherBack

        I meant nothing personally about what, in my opinion, is a pretty obvious observation about trends in entertainment and the arts since the dawn of Generation X and Y. Nothing elitist about it either. Maybe I had some snark in there, but, to me, it’s fairly warranted as I look at what’s happening out there, to hollywood, to entertainment, to art, and more importantly, to us.
        And I disgree with the whole “soul” you mentioned. If anything, marketing, being manipulated into demographics, money grabs, “cool factor”, etc…it’s all very very soulless. That’s why we use the word “cool” and “awesome” to describe everything we like…cause it’s all skin deep.
        Confusing fanaticism for soul. That’s another discussion Mike and Jay could have one day. Could even be a Star Wars episode theme, because Stars Wars might very well be the modern prototype of the phenomenon.

        • Leo

          Fair enough. I misunderstood you a bit, but I had another read of your post after and see your points. :-)

        • zeitguest

          ehh not sure I buy the GenX argument though. I’d say the GenX preferences are currently coming out in shows like Breaking Bad, Dexter, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead etc. That is to say it takes television a decade or so to start hitting the same demographic that liked stuff like True Romance and Killing Zoe. (because that demographic is finally the one they hope to sell refrigerators and Cadillacs to) GenX had a lot to do with throwing out the $500,000 massively-produced albums of the 70′s and 80′s in favor of $10,000 budget grunge albums that still sounded better (because they were less contrived), but only lasted for awhile before the bigger demographics with more money had their effect. (incidentally, check out Dave Grohl’s movie about Sound City, it’s good…)

          Not only have boomers come to the top of our financial and political systems (and ruined them) but also the top of those corporations handling cultural stuff – music, movies, books. I’d describe the phenomenon you’re talking about as the boomers using their ‘master-weapons’ – psychology, marketing and so on that they started buying into in the late 60′s and think can be applied to anything, and using it as their heavy artillery, lobbing rounds over the Genxers at the Millenials. They’re the generation that said “Dude, perception, like, IS reality” and was fond of “everything is relative” and absurdities like “music can change the world” (itself a bit of marketing – just buy this band’s albums and you’re helping to change the world, you’re one of the Good Guys now…) Unfortunately the boomer techniques applied on industrial levels tend to make a desert of culture, so here we are.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ben.brian.56 Ben Brian

    WHEN IS THE NEXT GRABOWSKIS EPISODE, YOU FUCKS?!

  • CorbeauNoir

    Mike and Jay SELL OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

  • http://twitter.com/BigJonGoob Jon Fite

    How did Sam Raimi get his hands on a Kurlan Naiskos, and why did he use its material to make a skeleton prop?

  • rev

    For the record, Harry Potter is a complete rip of of the Chronicles of Narnia…

  • http://www.facebook.com/gene.parmesan.927 Gene Parmesan

    You guys forgot to add Van Helsing to your list of classic tales turned into modern big dumb action movies.

  • MrPink

    I really liked the big lebowski, but the one thing that was missing was a giant battle scene at the end. Same with Fargo.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Robinson/571305084 Mark Robinson

    I’m surprised they havent remade Legend, the tom cruise fairy tale movie from 1985. now that was a good original movie with a dark storyline.

  • ghostunit

    I highly disagree with your opinion of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” and I also think it reflects poorly on you. Basically all you say is that it was bad because it didn’t conform to your schlocky expectations due to its title.

    Well, I happened to enjoy the movie a fair deal, precisely because it took itself too seriously. It was something utterly weird and refreshing in that sense. It was informative to see that the director/writer of this film is some crazy Russian.

    I think you may need to get out of your own expectations and see things for what they are. I see that you are falling into some kind of circlejerking with your latest HitB and Best of the Worst segments.

    • http://twitter.com/BigJonGoob Jon Fite

      Any movie named “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” is incapable of being anything other than schlock.

      • ghostunit

        exactly the stupid conceit I was talking about

        • Paul

          So, like, you’re butthurt because their review didn’t conform to your insipid expectations due to your love for a movie they have a different opinion of?

          (Also, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is terrible. Dude throws a horse. That’s schlock right there.)

    • guest

      Watch their full review of Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The disslike goes much deeper than it merely not meeting their perception of what it should be. It’s just a shitty movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/skyler.greencorn Skyler P. Greencorn

    Very entertaining review as always guys! I havn’t seen Hansel and Gretel yet. I sort of just wrote it off as a terrible trash heap but your review has gotten me interested in checking it out before its theatrical run ends. I did see Jack the Giant Slayer though and I kinda agree with Jay on this one… it was very “just ok”. In my review there were just as many things I loathed in comparison to the things I liked about the film (hence my 5/10 rating). The biggest problem was the overuse of CGI, namely on the giants, which I agree weren’t terrible looking texture wise but their animation was unconvincing to say the least.

  • Jeffrey Heesch

    Is anyone else shocked that hotbutteredpopcorn.com isn’t a porn site?

  • Zeus the Great and Powerful

    Plinkett already explained the source of this trend in the Star Trek the Star Trek review: the pop culture blurring effect for series recognition. Hollywood has run out of old TV shows and books to rip off so they have to go back further in time to fairy tails.

    After this runs its course, they’ll have to go back further which I assume means Greek Mythology and Bible stories. Just wait and see.

    • Paul

      I hope, and here is what I hope: Moses is John McClane in Die Hard in a Pyramid.

      Hollywood: Send a blank cheque, I’ll be happy to fill it out.

  • Orange_Wedge

    Everytime Jay talked about nose picking I WAS PICKING MY NOSE

  • simple_jack1

    I wouldn’t really put Bridge to Terabithia in with those other Harry Potter knock off movies. The trailers for it were some of the most dispicable instances of false advertising ever seen where the marketing people pretty much tried to trick kids into going to see it by making it look like a Harry Potter/Narnia fantasy movie when in actual fact it’s far closer to something like “My Girl” in terms of story, characters and overall tone.

  • tanker001992@hotmail.com

    Hansel & Gretle: Witch Hunters, is stolen from a B- movie called Witchslayer Gretl. Look it up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/flydye45 John Dye

    Huh. A huge budget movie packed with special effects using a book series to potentially pave the way to a sequel.
    Name? The Wizard of Oz.

    • SmarterThanYou

      Yeah. But you see, most people don’t care about the fact that that movie is based on a book. It’s like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the stupid 1970s movie). It was based on a book, and it added all this crap that was not only not in the book, but it had nothing to do with either the story, or a chocolate factory. Like the tunnel scene where chickens are being killed, and bugs crawling on people projected on the wall. Or that vehicle that sprayed shaving cream on people. Or the Fizzy-Lifting drinks part.

      Fortunately, or unfortunately, this movie pissed off Roald Dahl so much that they can never adapt the sequel.

  • Royal Rexford

    Sherlock Holmes a big, dumb, Michael Bay action film? I could not disagree more.

  • http://twitter.com/RonanWills vampire squid ebooks

    I really loved the analysis at the end of this video. Movie trends are fascinating to me.

    (Although I should point out that The Golden Compass was green-lit more due to The Lord of The Rings, which New Line for some reason thought it could emulate financially)

  • Norminator

    You guys have to watch Troll Hunter. It’s a Norwegian folklore/monster comedy. Get it on netflix :)

  • Jason Ross

    Swear much?

    • Paul

      What the fuck?

  • Rick Berman

    I made them do the adds!

  • l.grivis@hotmail.com

    Hansel & Gretle: Witch Slayers is stolen from the B movie Witchslayer Gretl LOOK IT UP AND YOU WILL SEE HOW SIMILAR IT IS.

  • omegasmash

    I’m going to be “that gu” and defende the first Sherlock Holmes movie with RDJ. Compared to the sequel, the first movie felt smaller and not as extravagant or flashy or “big dumb action movie”. And to me it’s the much better film.

  • Marvin Falz

    Haha, man, that line “.. aiming at fat, bearded guys that love violence” with that face, priceless!

  • Mark

    i can’t get the video to work on my ios and android devices. can you please remedy this by posting to youtube. I love what you guys do, but it makes no sense visiting a website that doesn’t work. Since more people use tablets phones to go online than their PC because of the ease, this is an issue that should be a priority lest you lose unique users to your site. Thank you for your attention.

    • guest

      Yes, they need to hastily remedy this problem that is very clearly on YOUR end and not theirs!

    • Paul

      Works on my iPad. (Also, it works on the iOS Red Letter Media App! Support RLM today and buy the app!)

  • supr_g

    A better question is why the hell did two-time Oscar nominated actor Jeremy Renner sign onto a movie that is clearly garbage and “shlock”?? Is he that desperate for work? Was his agent just like “Take this so you can feed your family!!” ?

    • Paul

      His Yacht ain’t gonna fuel itself.

  • IamSMERT

    “Oh original ideas, I remember those.”
    /video

  • MyOpinionsAreRelevant

    No offense Jay, but you should really consider shaving that crap off your face. Beards suck anyway bro.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=597637006 Paddy Kelly

    WTF? The Golden Compass is a sequel to Narnia?!?!? That’s utterly pathetic. If you’re a “movie reviewer” and you don’t know a fact before spouting it to your public, you go LOOK IT UP. That shows appalling disrespect for your audience and makes you look like an idiot. Which it did.

    • Paul

      Oh my, you missed the joke. (HINT: He wasn’t serious.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/philipp.ebert.18 Philipp Ebert

    What about “The leaque of extraordinary gentlemen” and “Van Helsing”? Isn`t anyone remebering about that crap?

  • timatosauce

    The last 5 minutes were the funniest shit i’ve seen in a while!

  • picard

    How did Ash get the Kurlan Naiskos?

  • Meester Smeeth

    I love it when Mikes laughs at Jays.

  • againagain

    All those harrypotteresque movie posters… all that blue/orange contrast… is it just everywhere

  • http://twitter.com/darius_sinclair Darius Sinclair™

    Didnt halle do a Xmen movie after her academy award?

    • SmarterThanYou

      What Academy Award? You mean the one she got for having sex in a movie. Usually we call those people porn stars or sluts, but when that cunt does it, she gets an award.

    • sepiajack

      I think they just brought this up to set up the end joke, Jennifer Lawrence and Michael Fassbender were signed for 3 X-men movies before they were famous, and no matter how famous they get Fox has them for DoFP and another one after that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/BatSTUD Ryan Grant

    Gotta say, Sherlock Holmes wasn’t dumb or Michael Bayesque. And while Robin Hood wasn’t a fairy tale story (can’t say I remember the last time it’s ever been produced like that), it was an attempt to look at Robin Hood as historically accurate as possible. Loved it, thought it was great. Calling it strange makes little sense to me. But whatever.

    • AlcaldeEste

      Robin Hood is a fairy tale though, so it doesn’t make any more sense to make it historically accurate, than making a gritty, historically accurate Peter Pan.

    • Alex Lee

      Sherlock Holmes the movie…isn’t that the movie where Robert Downey Jr. does Robert Downey Jr. things?

  • Vodeeodoe

    Ok I haven’t seen the movie yet, but do they explain in the giant movie, since they don’t live on the same planet/plane as the little people: they seem human, but they are all kind of ugly, deformed and wear shitty clothes, and at least in the trailers, no shoes. Are the giants not as advanced as the little dudes; or are they giants in the land where they live as well? Yeah, yeah, I know, I need to rent the film and figure it out for myself. I just don’t want to.

    • Vodeeodoe

      I just think it would be just as scary if the giants looked like normal people who bathed and had facials and wore clothes and what not. Isn’t just a giant by itself pretty scary without having to look like a monster?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Allmon/100001732921060 James Allmon

    should have made comparisons to Brothers Grimm.

  • Meester Smeeth

    Warwick Davis is in Jack The Giant Slayer… obviously.

  • Scary Ghost

    I am the ghost of a ghostbuster who was slain by Nazi magic in the 1930s. My restless spirit inhabits your computer and gives you bad luck and unusual pornography. I will continue to do this until you forward this message to 10,000 dudes and dude-ettes. Please free me so I can be a happy-go-lucky nympho skipping down the golden paths of heaven!

  • Admiral Bone-to-pick

    Just watched Jack and the Giant Slayer, as per Mike’s request. Had fun, and I agree with Mike’s opinion, but I wish they discussed certain aspects that were hard to accept. Most of which was the awful 1998-level CGI prologue was painful to watch. I felt like I was watching an early render of the first Bionicle movie. And how about that ending! Why in the fuck would they hint at a sequel, in MODERN times. How can the Giants live on this giant rock in the middle of the sky without anyone see it? With presumably no female Giants, how do they reproduce? How did they get enough bones to build and decorate their caves? They haven’t been seen in hundreds of years! It don’t make no goddamn sense!

    But that’s fine. I had a good time stomping and snapping my 3D glasses after the film.

  • rudebox

    Didn’t the death star blow up Alderan?

    • bananna hammock

      Which was to establish the stakes. They’re talking about Yavin IV, the planet at the end with the rebel base.

  • http://www.facebook.com/TharosTheDragon Kyle Delaney

    What’s the joke at the end where Jay says “too soon”? What’s too soon? Does “trip up” have some double meaning I’m not getting?

    • http://twitter.com/GenghisAres Chris Francis

      Jennifer Lawrence tripped at the academy awards on her way to accept one.

      • http://www.facebook.com/TharosTheDragon Kyle Delaney

        Oh ha ha. Thanks. I didn’t hear about that. Obviously none of us care.

  • Guus van Voorst

    Mike’s action scene inpersonation needs a movie… ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/ex1lepr0 Emilie

    “Why are there no munchkins?”

    Uh…maybe because the make up and costumes made them really fucking creepy.

    Not saying that little people are creepy, not saying that at all. I’m just saying that when that part plays, I always get really creeped out. It reminds me of clowns.

  • Eric

    If you want some good Hänsel and Gretel-based entertainment, I recommend looking up Otto Waalkes videos on YouTube, or even ordering his DVDs. Of course, I do recommend learning German beforehand, as the vast majority of his shows are in German, but with that you can hear some good modern song adaptations about them instead of watching an overblown Hollywood Misthaufen that is supposedly about them.

    • Marvin Falz

      Otto .. find’ ich gut! And btw it’s not hard to learn German. When you know words like “Scheiße” and “Ficken” you’ve got a good basis for casual conversations. You might want to compliment a guy on his awesome car, you tell him that he owns a “shit fucking car” .. ein “schönes, funkelndes Auto” (beautifully glittering car). ;D

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.sanders.5015 Mark Sanders

    The root of these ‘new take on olde faery tales’ probably falls on Terry Gilliam’s ‘The Brothers Grimm’ from 2005, though it was produced and shot earlier then the other film that did it and was released earlier, the turgid ‘Van Helsing’ (2004). Both suck, Gilliam’s was marginally better (though imagining what it could have been without the Weinsteins violating it kinda makes me weep).

  • deerstop

    Snow White and Whatever, Red Riding Hood, new Beauty and the Beast series, Beastly, new Sherlock Holmes, new Robin Hood, Alice in Wonderland. What’s in common? All those movies sucked! =(( *sigh* I want to see a good dark fairy tale already.

    • SmarterThanYou

      If you want a good, dark fairy tale, then read a book. Don’t just be an idiot.

      • TapewormBike

        I see a pattern here with you guilt tripping people into reading books. With your name being SmarterThanYou, am I safe to assume that you teach third grade?

        • deerstop

          Either that, or he is in third grade. ;)

          • Now I Get It

            I couldn’t find anything in his posting activity that he’s actually in favour of. He seems to be a polemicist on the slippery slope toward nihilism. But if he’s only eight years old, I guess that makes him a prodigy too.

          • TapewormBike

            To get back to your original post, I just wonder why they do not make a fairy tale, actually based on the original ones, collected and written By Grimms or Andersen. Those are pretty effed up as it is. Also, I am sort of a fan of the obnoxious kid Max Landis and love his pitch for Peter Pan series:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev7BrvTsslU

    • Charlie_Bailey

      *bump* The Company of Wolves

  • Belisario Solis

    I know this is not related to thi review but I would like to see a review on david lynchs Dune

  • name

    I love half in the bag!!! I also love videos where the audio and visual sync up!!! If only i could have both of the things that I love!

  • Thomas

    how did the kurlan naiskos end up in Army of Darkness?

  • SmarterThanYou

    “Oh, original ideas. I remember those.”

    Yeah… I do too. They’re called novels, books, literature. They were around before film every existed. For the most part, film has always been just an adaptation of those, and never an original thing. Unless you consider filming trains, or traffic, or people walking in the street as being original ideas. I know books don’t film those things. For the most part, Hollywood has always been about adapting material, reusing old stories or taking stage plays and putting them on film.

    So yeah. Complaining about lack of originality in films is quite dumb, considering that film has always been taking something that was written long before the medium even existed, and filming it.

    • guest

      Okay, I’m stumped. Are you joking, trolling, ignorant or stupid? I honestly can’t tell which…

    • Sully

      There are tons of original films, and even more original ideas waiting to be filmed (once Hollywood stops peddling remakes and reboots, which won’t happen until audiences stop forking over dough to watch them).

      Book publishers these days are just as bad as film producers, if you ask me. Look at all the shit tween novels about teenage girls falling for “monsters.” Look at Harry Potter. Rowling basically dumbed down LOTR for 20th century children and made a fortune in the process. There wasn’t an original idea in those books.

      All that matters to the people shelling out bucks to publish books or produce movies is “will it sell?” And right now the best way they know to hedge their bets is by only focusing on “brands”, “trends”, and/or movies that come with a “built-in audience.” Until these cowards can get over this hump both mediums are going to continue to suffer.

      • Baron Teapot

        A film of people walking down a street is unlikely to make much at the Box Office. I think that what SmarterThanYou’s comment clumsily groped at was the fact that, where complete narratives are not often copied from film to film, the individual elements of such narratives are; tropes.

        The full story of ‘Lord of the Rings’ is certainly unique, but the way we tell stories hasn’t changed much after thousands of years. You’ll often find a young character who longs for adventure or hates his life (Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, Frodo), a wise old wizard (Gandalf, Dumbledore), the brave and noble warrior who falls in love with a beautiful woman who has to make a sacrifice for him (Aragorn and Arwen, Romeo and Juliet) and so-on.

        Basically, the whole may be unique, but the individual pieces are not – in fact, they’re re-used all of the time.

        Oh, and of course film is certainly an art-form. Movies like this may be just a business, but that doesn’t prevent a lot of incredibly moving and interesting releases!

    • AlcaldeEste

      “For the most part, film has always been just an adaptation of those, and never an original thing. Unless you consider filming trains, or traffic, or people walking in the street as being original ideas.”
      … what? Did you travel here from the 19th century somehow? Ever heard of an “original screenplay”?
      Are you just being pretentious in the most awkward way possible? Even art snobs won’t say that film can’t be an art form, because every once in a while a novel has been adapted for the screen.
      That’s like saying Tolstoy’s “War & Peace” is not “original”, because the French invasion of Russia actually happened, so he didn’t come up with that.
      I mean … it’s not even pretentious, because even people who are pretentious would call you a fucking idiot.

    • AlcaldeEste

      And your name? Oh my god, you are hilarious.

  • VasiddisaV

    The big dumb action reworks of old books and fantasy fiction *I* would personally link to Lord of the Rings.

    I mean, that explains the big dumb action scenes at the end of all of them, as well as their sort of dark and gritty-ish take.

    • Martín Galarza Flores

      Lame and wrong comparison. The Lord of the Rings films are accurate adaptations of Tolkien’s works. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters and similar other recent films deviate from the source material to make dumb action movies.

      TLoTR films contain actions, but aren’t necessarily action movies. Everything in those movies is in the books. It’s not called “epic fantasy” or “high fantasy” for nothing. It’s not the same thing.

      Besides, the trilogy won 17 Oscars, with 11 of them won by Return of the King alone. Those are great movies.

  • Eric Monaghan

    holy ads, batman.

  • sit_n_stare

    That scene from Army of Darkness when the dummies are just flying toward him is an amazing scene.

    • SUPERSOUP

      >muh childhood

      Army of Darkness was the first Sam Raimi film I ever saw as a kid. Probably not entirely inappropriate. Still love it.

  • Kannen Farris

    If anything needs a Mr. Plinkett breakdown it’s the fucking Golden Compass.

  • TheAmazingBulk

    I saw Return to Oz when it came out in the theatre. I recall it being scary but not as scary as the toilet in the theatre that overflowed with a black ooze. I can’t remember many details of the movie but I can clearly picture that black crude approaching the rim as I stood petrified and helpless. Up, up, and over; gloop, gloop.
    When the horror subsided enough and I regained the ability to move, I didn’t tell anyone about it. I just went back to my seat.

  • stripeyunderpants

    I don’t think it’s so weird or strange to have fairy tales with more violence in them. The original versions, dating back hundreds of years, were often filled with people dying, being raped, etc. Disney sanitized them for little children in modern times, so those are the ones we’re used to. But really, what’s a few guns in a story about children being kidnapped and eaten by a scary-clown witch in the woods?

  • Cthulu’sPajamas

    I live in the Seattle WA, area and recently one of the theaters had a showing of Army of Darkness and Bruce Campbell appeared for a QA. Needless to say Bruce Campbell awesome, but apparently Sam Raimi is cooky as all hell. Bruce went on to say that there was no script. Sam would pretty much show up after a scene was set up and he would just tell Bruce what to say.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if Sam was the one throwing bodies at him either since he was also the one smacking Bruce Campbell with skeleton hands.

    • Pissernacht

      Are you sure you wanted to post that under THIS video?

      • Pissernacht

        Not that anyone would give a fuck, but yeah, I asked this question. Fucking cats like to lay down on my mouse. I don’t care if you believe me or not, cause go to hell, but yeah, my question still stands, since it seems Cthulu’sPJs point is more “Sam Raimi is a weirdo” than “I have a theory about those crappy skeletons”. Seems like that might be more geared for being under the Evil Dead remake’s review.

        • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

          They do mention Sam Raimi throwing bodies at Bruce Campbell in this very review, in addition to talking quite a bit about Army of Darkness. Maybe that’s what originally inspired Mister Pajamas, and now everyone’s just confused.

  • ikilledacat

    Yeah Hansel/Gretel was predictably bad, but Jack surprised me. The male lead was indeed a dork but he wasn’t totally incapable and showed grit and determination. Much more layered as a chara than I expected. Also, it was nice to see a fantasy chara not have insane strength/dexterity and be dependent on his wits. The giants were done well and quite photoreal and had some solid dialogue and characterization. It did have a lengthy run time, though, but it wasn’t hard to sit through. Enjoyed it!

    • Pissernacht

      This may seem petty, but…
      Hell, I’ll come right out and ask; Why the fuck did you write a whole paragraph, with, far as I can tell, damn good grammar, but not bother to write all of “character?” Seriously, all that effort, but you had to type “chara” because God forbid you go through the effort to press four more fucking buttons?!

  • Pissernacht

    Gretel: “You gotta be kidding me!?”

    Exactly what everyone in the audience was thinking when they saw the trailer!

  • Pissernacht

    I swore you were joking at first, but then I went on to IMDB and…well…that’s happening apparently…

    When I saw Chris Pine as “Cinderella’s Prince” I would’ve bet money that it was Jay in the picture! I definitely wish Jay would be MY prince…

    Irrational man-crush aside…yeah. I saw the cast for that movie and I kind of need to see it now!

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  • Duckler

    These movies were so forgettable, I actually remember this HITB more. And I saw both of these movies last week.

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