Half in the Bag: Furious 7 and It Follows

April 10, 20152,055 Comments

Jay and Mike somehow see It Follows and Furious 7 while floating in Mr. Plinkett’s house in the sky which is held up by a balloon filled with his farts which is not lighter than air so that wouldn’t happen anyway. I guess Jay and Mike downloaded the movies and watched them on a TV with a broken screen or on Jay’s Ipad which we’ve never seen and he wouldn’t be able to charge anywhere. God this show SUCKS!


Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • craptonium

    I don’t even need to watch this to know it’s going to be good with the “Furious” in the title. dohohohohoh

  • winterd

    what if there was a man train?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    3rd!

  • Ultragonk

    Must find out what you said about It Follows to make sure my own opinon is the correct one!

  • Robby

    I thought this was going to be about Rich Evans FURIOUSLY masturbating.

    Unsubscribed.

  • Percy Gryce

    Yay, new content. I think that’s cured my stones.

  • its called bleach

    7th for i dont even know but im the 7th commenter

  • Holy Crap my timing is impeccable.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    9rd!

  • Krueg518

    Its too easy to fuck with someone. All you have to do is talk shit about a well acclaimed film… like SHit Follows XD the retards flock to you.

  • Paul Pantea

    Great. I’ve been refreshing the page constantly for the past three days.
    Now, when is the next HitB?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    New content cures my crippling depression … but not my POLIO.

  • Krueg518

    “Follow” them on Twitter… That worked better for me then refreshing every day.

  • Krueg518

    Its cures my depression until the video ends.

  • Palpatine

    Fucking finally!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s like a quick antidepressant.

  • I was expecting a “Resident Evil” marathon experience for the “Furious 7” review.

  • its called bleach

    congratulations on your master trolling skills good sir

  • its called bleach

    timecode your spoilers you hack frauds

  • Krueg518

    Thanks 🙂

  • dollar store cashier wife

    just skip like two minutes forward.always works for me when these frauds gets sloppy.

  • A brief list of ‘It Follows’ sequels:

    It follows too

    It Folllows

    For it follows

    It follows in space

    It follows: The Sexening

  • Like Icare

    Jolly good!

  • Keith

    Majority of the movie was filmed in my neighborhood, so yeah – that house is real in the film. 🙂

  • Krueg518

    The parody film will be Shit Follows.

  • craptonium

    Don’t forget “Refollowed” and “Followed: Revelation”.

  • Palpatine

    Written and directed by Elaine May.

  • Bubs

    I thought for sure you hacks had given up reviewing movies and went to get real jobs. Glad to see I was wrong.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Or on NSAbook.

  • Like Icare

    Maybe they can charge Jay’s iPad using solar. Or a pocket hand-cranked dynamo USB charger.
    I can totally see (and hear) them grinding those 2$ Chinese dynamos while watching movies on Jay’s iPad.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZspdsChWvE

    Another plot hole resolved by technology advancements! Isn’t technology great?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It Came

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    VROOOOOOM!

  • Like Icare

    “Unfollow and Unsubscribe” will be a classic reboot of a franchise.

  • SkaMP

    Every time Mike does like a mumbly voice like Stallone I hear his Palpatine voice coming through, it´s great 😛

  • Harry Palm

    You were mostly right, Mike. The first movie is pretty much a ‘Point Break’ clone were Paul Walker was an undercover agent trying to find out if Vin Diesel and his crew are the racers that are hijacking trucks. The only thing you were wrong about is that Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez are already together and Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster get together in that one but she doesn’t know he’s undercover but then she finds out and gets pissed.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I see someone did a bunch of cutting here. On Stoklasa’s hair that is!

  • Krueg518

    Fun fact: Vin Diesel is retarded.

  • Evertale

    Follow me: The immersive version

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Paul Walker is dead. Swings and roundabouts.

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    never seen any f&f movies, but “hit on the head & gets amnesia” . really? was that a joke? cause that’s some hacky soap opera shit
    also Mike has spock ears

  • Robby

    I liked the part in Furious 7 when ‘SPLOSIONS.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Whoa, Mike mouthed that slowing down effect for music perfectly.

  • Wicked Ricky

    I’m sssssooooo happy my job forced me to avoid the theaters this weekend. I really wanted to see the meatheads in theaters for Furiously Masturbating to Fast Cars 7.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I’m UnFollowing you.

    That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of these movies work!

  • sepiajack

    Oh it happens, and it’s used to explain how a character who died in part 4 could come back to life in part 6

    So not soap opera at all….

  • sepiajack

    Yeah I remember seeing the first F&F and being stunned how blatantly it ripped off Point Break, even by Hollywood standards of shamelessness.

  • Palpatine

    He’s about as emotional as a giant metal robot.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    A movie about murderous ghost STD with, what I can only guess is an incredible soundtrack? Sign me in.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Wait till the new Point Break tries to rip off the Furious movies. then cry.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    A child on Rich Evans’ lap cured shrunken heart syndrome, so anything is possible.

  • SkaMP

    that comment makes me so fucking FURIOUS!

  • sepiajack

    I was hoping for that too. The weirdest discovery to make about this series when going through them is the weird non-linear twist they kept adding to with 3 actually taking place after 6. Also apparently Better Luck Tomorrow is now retoractively part of the F&F “universe”

    But this was fun also.

  • sepiajack

    oh my gaaaawwwwwwwddddd

  • SkaMP
  • yourtownisnext

    Did Jay and Mike make an over/under bet to see how many times they could reference Ouija in one video?

  • sepiajack

    Something that should be said about the F&F movies is they got the Rock and Vin Diesel for onscreen “they fight each other and then team up” while they were still in their prime, rather then doing like their 80s movie equivalents Schwartzenegger & Stallone who waited until they were old saggy pieces of crappy who look like leather purses who’ve been left in the sun too long.

  • sepiajack

    Yeah I really want to see F7 but I don’t want to see it with the audience that will go to see it during its opening week

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    And Diesel talked about their fight in 5, like it was the second coming of Jesus.

  • Palpatine

    The little kid writer of the F&F movies reminds me of Rich Evans.

  • Stantz

    As it happens, there’s a pretty good reason Paul Walker’s hardly in it. He died in a horrific car crash before he’d filmed all his scenes, so the script had to be modified around this fact, using body doubles (His brother, apparently) and CGI to get the movie finished as sympathetically and profitably as possible.

  • Wicked Ricky

    I don’t like any movie theater crowds.

    Fuck movies.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Mike: “Everyone behind the camera is laughing. They know what they are making and they know who they are making it for, much like Ouija.”
    Did anyone else expect that last part to be “like we do”?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    HE’S DEAD!?

  • Stantz

    Oh shit. SPOILERS

  • sepiajack

    I can’t imagine the dilemma the writers must have had trying to work around that. Normally they might have killed off his character in the movie too, but the most obvious and easiest way to do that in a movie like this is just take a car chase scene that he already filmed and add a shot of his car crashing/exploding.

    But they couldn’t do that because that happened to be the way he actually died.

  • SkaMP

    That’ll be AFTER we all buy Space Cop twice

  • Wicked Ricky

    It Follows.
    It Came.
    It Fell Asleep Shortly After.

  • sepiajack

    You should use one of those Tea Vees I keep hearing about

  • Wicked Ricky

    If they had been thinking ahead, they would have just put a camera in Walker’s car.

  • sepiajack

    Just another standard friday night…

  • SkaMP

    It’s probably one of his sons

  • Wicked Ricky

    That’s for my vidya games. And porn.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I have to check out that movie Jay recommended.Star Wars…heh, funny name.

  • sepiajack

    It’s actually spelled Star Wores, should help you track it down at Blockbuster

  • Stantz

    Guerrilla style. Interesting concept, but you just know someone would have complained

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Stahhhh Hwoaaaaars

  • Wicked Ricky

    Yeah, the actors. But no one cares about them.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    So, they did get Statham, but nobody thought to get the Crank guys to shoot this?

  • Wicked Ricky

    I think Vin Diesel accidentally said “I am Groot” at one point.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Not to be mistaken with his famous catchphrase “whurghhrrrr”

  • Bubs

    I actually just watched Starry Eyes yesterday. It fucking sucked.
    Sorry Jay but your opinion is….

    WRONG!

  • Thom Williams

    Someone told me It Follows was a metaphor for herpies.

    Discuss.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    That’s a pretty shallow metaphor. So, probably yes.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I wonder if Jay would have sex with me in order to avoid being killed by a horrible curse? I guess we’ll just have to find out…

  • Percy Gryce

    Please, I don’t room for the Rock in my urethra.

  • Wicked Ricky

    You’ll need to trap him in your basement and make him watch Starry Whores to get in his pants.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    His future pants?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Consult that with your Undertaker

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Or lack thereof

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    In the future we all wear only jockstraps. Or maybe it was just a hallucination I saw. Who knows.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    The next one will be called 7 8te 9.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    way too much personality for a big budget dumb movie

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Were you reading WiZARD of OZ?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I masturbated to a video The Dom made about it. Does that count?

  • Uncle Sporkums

    ..And then Paul Walker hit HIS head..

  • Wicked Ricky

    I thought that was the porn version of Back to the Future Part II.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I KNOW!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Pffffffffff. What a film choice. Well… I supppose… I am… slightly… curious…?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    FCurious?!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    The cast shattering is also allright with me. Just like Pyrite

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    bi-curious* Wait, wait, scratch that. Nobody wants to see that.

  • lawra Weltreich

    Jay is the best bad actor ever

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Then again maybe they would get zero creative freedom.James Wan must have gotten a “close up of a girl’s ass while rap/EDM music plays in the background” daily quota requirement from the studio if he wanted to keep the job.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I don’t see a problem with that and not that there was a lack of nice asses in the Cranks.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Your avatar is purdy.

  • Like Icare

    Don’t know why didn’t they just include a dinosaur clone in a movie and have his brain transplanted inside said dinosaur.

    They they could have just used all the footage from Tammy and the T-Rex and complete the movie around that.
    In fact… they could have sampled his voice from previous movies and use that.

    And then that scene with the Rock could have been him riding a Paul Walker T-Rex armed with Gatling guns.

    And throw in a rocket launcher or two.

    And a jet-pack.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Statham does have nice,firm cheeks I do agree with that.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    What ruins it for you? All the bibbies? Or the voogoos?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    You could crack walnuts between them. I mean should.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    The lack of dicks.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Since I have seen 64% of Fast and Furious films so far, I suppose that would substantiate me as significantly FCurious. (woe~)

  • Starwolf Champ

    Where would you fuck Jay at?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    More the lack of winky-dinks I bet

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    In his parents’ bed. While they watched. Where else?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    teehee!

  • Starwolf Champ

    Seeing Walker died of a car explosion in the film would be a bit eerie and hard to watch.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I had been meaning to see the last two, because, why the fuck not, but..why the fuck yes.

  • Palpatine

    I really want to see It Follows. Any horror film made in the style of a 70’s or 80’s horror film is on my must see list.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Behind his back

  • SkunkyFunky
  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Is there an echo?

  • Palpatine

    It Came.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Great minds think about dicks a lot.

  • Starwolf Champ

    I don’t know if I would consider Dwayne Johnson vs Vin Diesel a “dream match”.

  • Starwolf Champ

    He is groot

  • Starwolf Champ

    The Iron Giant was a good movie.

  • anoni mouse

    Did anyone else notice that Mike has been acting really strange? He can’t sit still and he keeps twitching.

  • Alexandria Sanders

    Really need to see It Follows again. Some things are confusing me. Maybe someone here can answer… for example (spoiler), she crashed…IT was following her (not Tim Curry as a clown), the STG (Sexually Transmitted Ghost) Now whether she was taken to the hospital by an ambulance or her friends…it probably took some time. How does IT not catch up!
    Despite this, good movie.

  • Starwolf Champ

    Sounds painful

  • Starwolf Champ

    Fifty Shades of Jay have anything to do with this?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Especially when there is a lack of them.

  • Palpatine

    You should be like Freddie Krouger and go into his dreams. First you need to have a mob of angry parents burn you to death.

  • Wicked Ricky

    He probably has IT and needs to have sex with Jay.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Did you see him chugging down a beer? No? There’s your answer.

  • Bubs

    It’s a symptom of Alcohol withdrawal. It’s what happens when you don’t record enough episodes of Half in the Bag.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Well there is one outside my building right now. You’re saying I should surrender without a fight?!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    WHAT?!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Just give up the boys.

  • Palpatine

    Do you have a glove with a claw on it?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    NEVER!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Jay tries to beat box in this episode. It was just as convincing a scene as that time Vin Diesel tried to show emotion.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I ordered one but it won’t be delivered until next week.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    (record scratch)

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    “Oh no! The Viagra tower!”

    Omitted, I didn’t know you traveled to Chicago. And you came prepared in case of performance anxiety. Good for you!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Oh look, a word “came”. Sigh. Do I have to do this?

  • Palpatine

    ♫One, Two, Omitted’s cumming for you. ♫

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    beat off* I’d watch that.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Hey, when it cums to Jay, I’ve never needed any ‘enhancements’, thank you very much.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Are you trying to explain the great Chicago blizzard of 2011?

    That was a lot of cum.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Worst sequel to Up ever.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Anybody remember Scorpion King where the native American dude from The Renegade was playing The Rock’s brother? I am glad he moved onto arthouse movies like this.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Those stars are gonna whip out their little laser swords of theirs and go to town.

    Stop nodding skeptically.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I like the text description for the episode…

    Also, but, no relation: I think they’re wrong about the order of “It Came” and “It Follows”. You see, first it comes to the general-vicinity, and then it follows. It’s not a prequel, you pretentious dumdums.
    (I’m mooning you all the way from Cauliflowernia. Haa…aa…h.)

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    That’s wriggling and I just do that constantly

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    thwordth*

  • Palpatine

    I know, right? They should’ve had an opening sequence showing Mr. Plinkett’s life before his wife died.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Percy spits out dimes. There’s a picture somewhere on this very webzone.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    The thrilling conclusion to the trilogy is Whip It

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I say again: nobody wants to see that.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh god, can we please kick-start Jay’s rap career? ;_; I would die of something. Maybe it would be happiness, if I knew what that felt like.

  • Bubs

    Speak for yourself.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    They should have premiered this at Sundance. Those film snobs would never see it coming, unlike Tanning Chatum.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    So it’s a BDSM saga?? *slaps forehead*

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I would go with Cannes, to get two kinds of stupid in one place and see it explode.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “died” of “natural” “causes.”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    But Plinkett’s had 4 wives. That’s gonna be a long opening sequence.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    What isn’t?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    *Fanning Scrotum

  • Palpatine

    No no no, this is Fake Plinkett we’re talking about. Real Plinkett killed all his wives.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Ouija?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I’m so confused.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Oh, you mean Weeujaaa

  • fred

    looks like a headshot

  • Lt Hurwitz

    What would happen if Mike dressed as Plinkett and Rich dressed as fake Plinkett and they remade Dead Ringers.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Vin Diesel is kind of a Riddick

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I would pay $15 a month toward a Patreon account that provided Jay with beatboxing lessons on the condition that he filmed those lessons and put them on Youtube.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    fuck-maybe!

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    He did that already. It’s called a Vlog.

  • Mark Andrew Edwards

    I like Vid Diesel, I really do, but you can tell when he’s just collecting a paycheck. He seems to hate being in these movies. In Knockaround Guys, Boiler Room, even Guardians of the Galaxy, he’s great. Here….yeah, I hear you.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Exfucktly

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    GrumPa was right: I do miss him now that he’s gone.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    What movie franchises would Vin Diesel ruin as the main character? I could see someone going “We need a silent, but intense Bond for this next go-around. I know! Let’s get Vin Diesel!”

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    ^ He’s just do a twoll-move like that. The little, beardy twoll-man that he is.

  • Bubs

    He had the best lines in Guardians of the Galaxy.

  • fred

    Then it’s back to morphine, ice cream, and masturbation in the tub.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The hardest voice acting job ever performed by a human.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    did*
    Just like Carrie Fisher.

  • fred

    Before it followed

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Dasim!

  • Palpatine

    He was good in The Iron Giant.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    They tried with XXX. I say fuck Groot, it’s tme we got a new Spiderman and this time, Peter Parker ain’t gonna take nobody’s shit!

  • fred

    Star Whores, coming to a club near you.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Adele Dazeem from Frozen?!

  • yorredroc

    fast and furious movies don’t take themselves too seriously, unlike most action movies these days. they seem to all just be having fun making dumb action movies, and that comes across on screen. and yes I was laughing my ass off the entire time because it was so ridiculous. it’s also nice to see real stunts and real driving (more than most movies these days at least) instead of nothing but cgi robots and explosions.

    they’re dumb, but dumb in a fun way.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Iiebu.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    He’s just not a leading man material.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Someone get the medic. Jenny is having another stroke.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Dhalsim? From Street Fighter?

  • Bubs

    He could totally rock it as a new type of Terminator. Some kind of role that requires you to act like a completely inhuman, stoic, emotionless, robot. So like… a Qui Gon Jin – type role or something.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    He could voice some cool alien..wait.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Måskejospa.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I cannot believe I am the one bringing this up, but there is something quite Slendermanish in the premise of It Follows.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Vin Diesel as Peter Parker is gonna break every single spider web as he goes through Midtown. Every building crane he latches onto is gonna come crashing down, ram through a street, and dislodge a subway from its tracks and take out power for half the city.

    Peter Parker will get to the end of the street, turn around to see the destruction, shrug his shoulders and mumble something that isn’t even audible in ADR.

    Gonna be fucking awesome.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Calm down, everything is going to be fine. I just need you to bite on this rag so you don’t swallow your own tongue or some shit…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Did he died from a tournedo? By that, I mean a choking death.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    “With great power, comes…VIN DIESEL!”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    “Shoulda been a Hulk movie.”

    “No. Shoulda been a Vin Diesel movie.”

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    No, he got drunk and acted like a dick.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    himself*

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Yeah, but, worse.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Ahh, so a typical RLM demise then.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I wonder when’s my turn

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Soooooon.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Taken during the middle of a heat wave.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Too soon?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    (sexist remark)

  • dollar store cashier wife

    This was Vin Diesel’s greatest hour:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D27WtFZ-aaI

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    (The Scream face, © Edvard Munchmacucci)

  • dollar store cashier wife

    so…riddick?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    He was the best voyeur of gentle manéges.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    That he was, mi wee-faery, that he was.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Giving a Ouija board to a person with Tourette’s is not funny.

    Posting his attempts to use the board afterward is just cruel.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Anyone looking at Jay in person is always in heat.

  • Markham

    – The music on the trailer for It Follows is enough to make want to see it.
    – The whole “we need this thing from a car” sequence in Furious 7 (or whatever it is called) is actually a riff on the movie Black Moon Rising (produced by John Carpenter), where an Important Thing was hidden inside a super car, and retrieving it involved a scene of the said car jumping from a skycraper to an another

  • Palpatine

    I thought this was his greatest hour:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UkZOZIO63I

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I had to close it before the tears

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It’s not only that the titles are fucked up, aren’t all of the movies prequels to the third one in the series?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Alright folks, 31 minutes… we have to make this last…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    it’s stylistically designed to be that way.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    (Aw, not another mystery-rag. *plaintive tears*)

  • dollar store cashier wife

    2late
    2furious

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    That’s pig’s orgasm’s-worth. Will have to make do.

  • Toffoli_73

    Oh god I hope The Hateful 8 isn’t actually the next one.

  • Som

    Mike synopsis of the previous was surprisingly accurate for someone who hasn’t seen them, also paul walker had a bigger part in the older movies, they hadn’t enough footage to give him a bigger role in this one

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Funnlily enough, he always stuffs them in my mouth, but my ass hurts when I wake up. Mystery it is.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Nonou. 🙁

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It’s not.

  • Fartastic

    God, I’m so jealous of Vin Diesel, The Rock and Statham. The only badass move I know is examining whether someone has hemorrhoids or not.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Bad ass move.

  • Toffoli_73

    I know. Although I would actually like to see what Tarantino would do with the series.

  • Toffoli_73

    A bad, ass movie.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    More girls, more talking, less car action. More Kurt Russel.

  • Toffoli_73

    Lol something like that.

  • Krueg518

    Masturbating with my star wars figures as well.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Death Proof 2:Michelle Rodriguez monologues about the philosophical implications in Green Latern

  • Because punctuation matters!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I was thinking of The Ring, but with seks… and Slenderman, ok.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Oh shut up and go sleep with your bitch again! You know what I mean…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Don’t do crack kids!

  • SkaMP

    That would be paedophilia

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    That girl was like, way wet, in The Ring.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I am not sleepy yet. Besides, SUSD put up a new vid too….

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    The gay porn parody The Hole had loads of sex.

  • I hear he was actually good in this. It’s weird seeing him have hair. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0419749/

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell
  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I heard it both ways, but, Sidney Lumet usually knows his shit and especially when it comes to performances

  • SkaMP

    “it” being your willy, right?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    cums in Jay*

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    He actually calls it “forcy”

  • RLMkeepitup

    Mike and Jay are discussing fast and furious “films” (puts hand over face)

  • Oh yeah, I forgot it turned out he was some alien. I kind of pretend that Pitch Black was the only film in the series. Apart from the two games (really good ones) he made with Starbreeze are the only canon “works” in the Riddick Universe. It doesn’t change the fact that he plays a really mumbly guy in them.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Hey, I yelled told you that in confidence!

  • Don’t kids wear some stupid no premarital sex rings these days? Or were those armbands?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell
  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    The Gayrudge? I got nothin

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Promise rings, a certificate of authenticity and your very own autographed Amy Grant cassette tape.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    What, like, they have handjob engagements?

  • Palpatine

    Mike, Jay, and Rich really should have marathoned the F&F series and made a full video of it. Twelve straight hours of Rich Evans cackling at the movies would make my day.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I should go to sleep, but these little blue balls keep popping up beckoning me to click them. Wait, that came out wrong…

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Or just them alternating viewership randomly. They’d have to guess which movie they were in, and determine the whole plotline while Wizard supplies the snacks.

  • Now, why would you say a thing like that? Didn’t you see how happy Mike seemed?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I saw the american Ring when it came out and someone in the cinema shouted (when she was hiding in the closet, leaving a water trail). “She’s having her period!” And people laughed. A lot.

  • Adzl33t

    Im surprised Mike even watched The Incredibles, and know Brad Bird, they better review Tomorrow Land, also Vin Diesel was great as The Iron Giant

  • Blue balls is what you have from not jerking off to Jay enough.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Don’t click the blue balls, that’s just cruel.

  • Don’t do kids, crack! Or maybe: Don’t kids do crack?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I ordered a set for Jay and me.

  • couldn’t help m’self…
    http://i.imgur.com/5PkSCFh.gif

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I kinda feel like they were able to enjoy this one more by coming into it fresh. Let them have their moment of joy, Monsieur Palpy.

  • sepiajack

    It is interesting/funny to how the series starts off with the standard pattern of sequels for a movie series:

    1) first film surprise hit
    2) 2nd film actors think they are too good to come back so only 1 original cast member returns
    3) almost a reboot/spinoff, no main actors back at all or even connection to original story – save VD cameo
    4) original actors are now all washed up and need to pull the oldest trick in Hollywood: “go back to what works” making sequel that is essentially the TRUE part 2 to the original

    But then from there it switches things up and becomes that rare series where the later installments are much better than the early ones, because 5 and 6 were each better than 1-4 put together. Haven’t seen 7 yet, but looks like it would be at least as good as 6

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I think the F&F-watching marathon is going to be in the Space Cop movie during intermission.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Great, another permanent tab on my brower…

  • I figured as much. Surprising they didn’t think of that. Or just didn’t leave it in the edit.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    When I have the blue balls, I punch them and words come out.

  • sepiajack

    Sort of. the 3rd one is more of a side story/spinoff, but Justin Lin killed off a character he really liked, so when he made 4 it was originally meant to be that just the prologue of 4 took place before 3, with said doomed character indicating he was off to Tokyo where he would have met his fate.

    But they kept that going in 5, because he was still in it and mentioned how he’d like to go to Tokyo eventually but just hadn’t gotten there yet.

    Then 6 ended with him going to Tokyo and tied the main series back into the spinoff with his death.

    It’s a lot more complicated than I ever would have guessed this series to be, but it wasn’t like it was planned out or anything, almost just a running gag

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I think Percy has the same, exact problem.

  • Like Icare

    Riddick is Diesel doing what he loves – playing Dungeons and Dragons.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36_-DauQi0s

    You can almost see the dice roll and coming up 20s when Riddick does something utterly implausible.
    Like tossing a machete up in the air and then kicking it through someone, while being chained up.
    Or when they shoot him with tranquilizer darts, how his poison resistance stats kick in.
    Or when he cauterizes a wound with a burning piece of an exploded monster.
    His character has +50 (or whatever) night vision…

    He’s basically LARPing – with a multimillion dollar budget.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    So, even more clusterfucky.

  • sepiajack

    Yeah almost seems like the horror movie version of DRIVE

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Yes you could you gif-makin maniac!:)

  • Incidentally, it’s Mike whose face feels really stretchy. Wait. What? http://i.imgur.com/955fvjW.gif

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    To the top with you, where you rightfully belong!

    (Unless people are too lazy to click links.)

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Sounds almost as convoluted as the plot of Half in the Bag.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    That fucking Canuck is in everything.

  • I wonder what they’ll do with the 12th.

  • Any way to make this play in slo-mo?

  • Like Icare

    In a parallel universe he’s probably a pretty good Conan.

    Riddick is basically he and Twohy doing a space-Conan.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Lotsa drugs

  • tOmy`

    Not gonna lie, people. I am seriously afraid of this review.

  • sepiajack

    LOL that was great

  • I can’t take more than I’ve had already.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Don’t be afraid. Come into the paddly-pool. It’s fun!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It’s OK, unless you think that Vin Diesel acts, not stands in shots

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    And full of shit. Jen?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    :O Ewwwww!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    My Depends hold everything in.

    Nothing to worry about!

  • sepiajack

    That;s the main problem with the Expendables movies, they are so dreary and heavy and cynical. They should be fun and in the tone of something like Commando.

  • tOmy`

    I am ok with that. I think the “success” of F&F for me is that it seems like noone gives a shit about making a ridiculous movie. It’s fucking mental, they know it, we (as fans) know it and… it works.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    High-five! Us ladies are on top of things.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I was just going by the other turtles I’ve known

  • sepiajack

    One of my favorite movies. Still not out on blu ray for some reason 🙁

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    And that’s what Mike and Jay think too.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It’s not the turtles that are the problem. It’s the donkeys.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    HOW DAAAAARE YOU.

  • sepiajack

    he will probably be the lead in Marvel’s INHUMANs if all the rumors are to be believed. I was sort of hoping he’d have been cast as Thanos as well as Groot, but I guess Josh Brolin was fine

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    SPOILERS.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Yeah, like, our money. Am I right, guys?! Incidentally, can you spare few bucks?

  • Avery

    I scream like a little girl at good horror movies, but you guys have sold me on It Follows.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Destiny’s Child said no.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Donkeh is passed out drunk in a corner. (It is Friday.)

  • Yoga flame.

  • SkaMP

    Ask her mom: Destiny

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I tend to hide my face partially under my shirt during good horror movies, as if that’s gonna save me.

    You know it’s a good one when the T-shirt’s collar is stretched beyond repair and you’re wondering afterwards how your mascara got on the inside of the collar.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I am a big man and let my gf hide under my arm. Then I close my eyes and scream on the inside.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Donkeh ih drunkeh?

  • Like Icare

    Blue butt or Mongolian spot is a birthmark characteristic to Asians, and it usually disappears by puberty.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mongolian_spot

    It is a proof that they are not actually humans but human-alien hybrid, from a race of aliens who crash-landed on Earth somewhere in Asia eons ago and mated with local population.
    Some say that the swastika resembles the spinning tails of their retro-thrusters burning across the sky.

    The more you know…

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of: This is the first HitB episode I am skipping.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If you jumped at the jump scares, your elbow might hit your woman in the face.

    That shows how much you really care for her well-being.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Any norrmal thinking person skips what I write

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Why?

  • Comatose

    The next film will obviously be called ‘Infuri8’. Has no one else thought of this joke yet? Can I copyright this? Is this thing on?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Technically “No, No, No; No, No, No”.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    For a comatose person, you’re really good at movie titles.

  • tOmy`

    I don’t want F&F spoiled. Honestly. I know it is ridiculous, but I love this franchise so much, I don’t wanna know anything in advance.

    (After seeing it, I am gonna watch this episode ofc.)

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    No, I would crush her in my embrace and that is the most romantic manslaughter there is.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    No, and you can’t have yer damn arkenstone either!

  • SkaMP

    he’s not comatose yet, he’s “comatose in a few seconds”
    oh .. well that worked better when it didn’t say “a minute ago” yet

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Well, I guess there is something to be spoiled, like, a scene. The other movie is frst, you could watch that

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Destiny’s Child Haiku:

    Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills.
    No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
    Jumpin Jumpin Jump.

  • Palpatine

    So now he’s comatose.

  • Like Icare

    The (inevitable) reboot should obviously be titled “First and Furious”.

    So that the audience knows that it’s the new first movie in the series.

  • SkaMP

    so no-one here

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The jury would totally understand.

    Unless you crushed her during Paranormal Activity, then they’d give you the death penalty.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    No, we will both die peacefully of boredom watching that.

  • SomeoneElseTookDude

    frauds

  • SomeoneElseTookDude

    hacks

  • SkaMP
  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I just want a Fast & Furious movie with souped up wheelchairs or something crazy. Like racing with reclining sectionals, sponsored by La-Z-Boy.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Human Giant was a pretty fantastic sketch comedy show while it lasted.

  • Like Icare

    Shia LaBeouf is Destiny’s Child?

    Is that like some ancient prophesy about the Last Days?
    Like Biblical, Sumerian, Atlantean, Georgian… whatever…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I really hope in the next F&F (I got my shoes from there) movie, they’ll have to be shrunk down and race across The Rock’s abs to catch tiny evil Mark Wahlberg.

  • SkaMP

    No it’ll be “First! and Furious” and all the marketing will consist of comments going “First!” in the comments of every video ever.

  • Like Icare

    That would make perfect sense to me.

  • SkaMP

    Not any longer though, that was 15 minutes ago, get with the times Sheeevyboy

  • Palpatine

    Uh, technically, you need to be unconscious for more than six hours to be declared comatose.

  • nocussing

    why not just fuck a hooker

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Don’t wanna catch It

  • Palpatine

    What about masturbating? If you had sex with a cursed person, then jerked off, would your hand be cursed?

  • Like Icare

    Sorry.

    Adam Sandler is already in talks with La-Z-Boy, Inc. to produce, direct and star in a La-Z-Boy movie.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Micro Machines would totally make a comeback.

  • SkaMP

    ….

  • SkaMP

    …. uh..

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Oh no, the poor, innocent tissue!

  • Like Icare

    Would a sexually transmitted ghost follow a FleshlightTM?
    How ’bout a RealDollTM?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    You talk the videogame talk I understand.

  • SkaMP

    Fucking Disqus! it’s all their fault.

  • Palpatine

    They’re overly critically, they never listen, they don’t understand. It’s not fair!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I heard Jay-Z-Boy complained because of obvious copyright issues.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I dunno about you, but I’ve known that sperm is haunted since The Matriarch told me. Hence the flogging lol.

  • I think Evil Dead had an answer to that. Kinda.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    That’s Beyon reasonable

  • SkaMP

    I saw the “another person is typing a comment” thingy and I was wondering what kind of response I’d get to my weaksauce comment..
    oh man I love this webzone xD lol

  • Palpatine

    So Ash jerked off before his hand got possessed?

  • Like Icare

    Not Kanye West? Weird…

  • Bubs

    Yeah! No one cares if they live or die. Just ask Plinkett.

  • Chewbacca

    So ‘it came’ was a legitimate sequel, then…

  • Like Icare

    OK… Now…

    Where’s the next Wheel of the Worst you hack frauds?!

  • The proof is there. http://i.imgur.com/nhfz7mJ.gif

  • Luke

    How can you not have seen any of The Fast and The Furious, not just because you’re movie critics but the last two were great movies. You have no right to call yourself fans of movies.

  • sepiajack

    I better try it just to be sure…. I may try it a few times

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Now that’s funny.

  • sepiajack

    based on the song by Bill Murray….

  • sepiajack

    Exactly. But if he had die of say… a drug overdose, or cancer or something else, that would be the obvious way to kill his character on screen in a movie about car chases and crashes, where the audience doesn’t have to ‘see’ him die. You just film a car crash and splice it into an existing chase scene. Then add a funeral scene to the movie and a revenge plot

  • Bubs

    One time I didn’t have a rubber, so I had to pull out and I cursed all over this girl’s back. Even her hair got cursed.

  • Can you curse underwear? Because I do that a lot.

  • Bubs

    My socks are so cursed that they crunch when I walk.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    gr8 b8 m8 i r8 it 8/8

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Spoooooooooky

  • Like Icare

    Oh come on! That tank acted its ass off!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_VxktNWQAM

    And to think they gave the Oscar to Matthew McConaughey for skipping breakfast or two.

  • I use that to cover holes in my socks.

  • Aloysius Palestrina

    For watching Paranormal Activity I hope.

  • Don’t 4get 2 mastrb8.

  • Trask

    Apparently Mike has traded his beer for cocaine. He is so much more energetic than previous HITB and BOTW episodes.

  • My ex wife

    Now I understand why they have such enormous balls! Oo

  • Otto T

    Did these hack frawds see Beyond The Black Rainbow ?

  • I used to come here looking for Plinkett, but I stayed for Half in the Bag. I heart you guys.

  • Only Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch songs would play for the entire movie.

  • tOmy`

    There is a great example of my love for F&F series. And the example is the amazing opening of the Fast 6. It is a montage of all the previous stupid shit, put into a movie like 5 minutes into a “story”. If you wanna “feel” what F&F is about, well, there you go:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkrXd37BYIA

  • Hey, at least they used practical effects. Man, that felt like watching Saints Row 3.

  • tOmy`

    P.S.: I really feel sorry for people who take this seriously.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I am here to look at hunks

  • I forgot to mention the hunks! Thanks Tape;)

  • Like Icare

    Hey! Did you guys hear the news!

    Jurassic Park is now sexist!
    Because “She’s a stiff, he’s a life-force”.

    Funny.
    I wonder if Whedon would have called it sexist if the tables were turned and it was the female ginger being all sexually aggressive towards the male ginger.
    You know… coming on to him… acting seductive and all… pantomiming sexually…

    Or would that too be sexist cause it would be the woman being portrayed as a whore?

    Next up:
    Star Wars – The Most Sexist Movie Ever. Carrie Fisher had to wear a white dress!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Joss Whedon is a tool.Source:everything he’s ever done.

  • tOmy`

    Also: The bank tresor scene is one of the best shit out there. Like… really. Same goes for the “tank” scene from the last movie.

  • Joss Whedon did not direct Lifeforce, but Patrick Stewart was in it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That was really easy to do before Fast Five…and when that came out I already stopped paying any attention to this series [my loss?] The 4rd movie just bored me to tears and I just gave up on the series.

  • My ex wife
  • tOmy`

    I think 5 and 6 are the freaking top. Because it finally stopped being “serious”. It finally went full batshit insane, sort of a fanservice and at the same time… just being good. I know these movies are stupid, but seriously? They are the fucking bomb.

  • Like Icare

    Hey! I’m not complaining.
    Still have no inclination to watch the movie…
    But I’m not complaining about them actually running over cars and concrete barriers on a highway with a real tank.

    http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/010/269/Screen_shot_2012-05-10_at_4.38.30_PM.png

  • A Big Stupid Baby

    The Fast and the Furious series certainly has a following now with actual, critical movie fans, ever since it became obvious they were just dicking around and being silly. Don’t get me wrong, lots of people still just think it’s unironically awesome, but a good amount of the audience are people who are in on the joke.

  • tOmy`

    I am in on the joke. I said it last time: Fast 6 made me laugh for two hours in row. Since like minute one. It’s just… great experience. I cared, I laughed, I had an amazing time. It’s stupid beyond measure, but holy shit, for stupid movie, this is the top.

  • A Big Stupid Baby

    Fast 6 was fucking great, it’s so endearingly ridiculous.

  • tOmy`

    And at the same time: (For those who saw it / for those who didn’t, well, spoilers):

    Fucking Statham “joke” in the end? Man, that is just… brilliant.

  • My ex wife

    I think it’s a case of, relax and enjoy it. The same way you can’t worrie about time travel in movies, because there are always problems if you think about it too much.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    (drives furiously into dream land)

  • tOmy`

    They beat tank with Golf and a rope. And flying Vin. I had to watch that scene like 5 times in row just so I could move on. It was so superb stupid I just couldn’t see shit through my tears of laughter.

  • tOmy`

    Let’s go for a little ride.

    We are doing F&F references, right?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Maybe I should give them a shot.The first four movies definitely lacked self awarness but if that changed hoorah I guess.

  • Alexandria Sanders

    That’s the easy part, relax and enjoy. It’s the after thoughts that plague me.

  • tOmy`

    Yea. A lot. I love the first one for what is it. It’s retarded, but hey, for Need for Speed playing generation?

    “My life is half a mile long.”

    It was cool as fuck. Then it became really ludicrous. But at the same time (and that being the reason why I love it) it became much, much better. They are going more and more over the top, full silly, yet at the same time, they really try to make better movie in general. And it’s working.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    I heard a rumor from inside my own mind that Mike is going to release the Jurassic Park Plinkett review in time for the new movie!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    We’re a family Jim!

    Oh wait that’s the Star Trek reboot gimmick.

  • My ex wife

    Looks like the cover to Jays Kenny Rogers tribute album.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Robby

    “Not as nauseating as other action movies.”
    -Mike Stoklasa, Half in the Bag

  • ronin122

    Yet the show is still more coherent and with less plot holes than the Star Wars prequels….

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I remember the cutscenes in Underground 2 making me laugh at how cringe worthy it all was.Good thing the rest of the game was the bees knees.

  • tOmy`

    Really?! Now I ABSOLUTELY need to see it in cinema.

  • Robby

    Don’t talk to me you dirty Eurofag.

  • My ex wife

    ♫Three, Four, Going in your back door. ♫

  • My ex wife

    Yes, because deep down we are all his children.

  • My ex wife

    No strings attached?

  • VvdD

    Yeah but then you’d still have to finger fuck someone if you don’t want to lose your hand… You could finger fuck yourself.. somewhere. But then you’d have to, well you know where this is going..

  • My ex wife

    Why can I see this picture??? Has the Evans taken pitty on us? ARE WE FORGIVEN????

  • The eight Fast and Furious movie shall be called 8 Is Enough.

  • My ex wife

    I thought it was Sister Sledge?

  • Palpatine

    I thought the Star Trek reboot gimmick was to HYPERCHARGE EVERYTHING!!!

  • Palpatine

    So if Paul Walker’s dead, how is he in this movie? Is it like Tammy and the T-Rex where they put his brain in a robot?

  • fairweather123

    Thank fuck. A Half In The Bag review. I thought I was going to have to hang myself out of boredom

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    No no no, don’t shake the LaBeouf!

  • Dasby

    They thought about calling it that, because it would have been fitting, but then they found a way more appropriate title…Taxi.

  • RLMkeepitup

    the sad part is his character was super forgettable according to the guys analysis in this movie

  • dollar store cashier wife

    that too.

  • Palpatine

    It should be called Fast and the Furious: U Wot M8.

  • Bubs

    I hope Paul Walker is available for the next one, Furiously Masturb8ting.

  • D00mM4r1n3

    The sequel is obviously going to be called: F8

  • James Earl Jones

    Hey, guys, it this the one they talk about Nefasto & Nefarious? I heard it’s a great moopie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jay and I have the same hair, that’s weird.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It Follows: The Fappening

  • josh

    How do they keep getting haircuts.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is it weird that I want to reference a bad pun from Batman and Robin?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    STOP ASKING COMPLETELY LOGICAL QUESTIONS!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Written and directed by omitted

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have only seen one Fast and Furious film and it’s the first one. All I can say is that Paul Walker’s character is the worst FBI agent ever and the whole movie is Point Break with cars. Should I see any of the other ones?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mark Wahlberg with th’words

  • hmm

    It’s because he died halfway through principle photography so they had to write his character out. Makes sense that he doesn’t have a proper arc.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    When I have blue balls they are used against droids in a stupid anticlimatic battle scene.

  • sepiajack

    It definitely improves. the 2nd one is a cheesefest but entertaining in a knightrider/miami vice sort of way. #3 is (in my opinion) a pretty good east meets west fish out of water movie, its very well directed, and good use of Tokyo as a location.

    4 is kinda dull. 5 is great though, and 6 is almost as good as 5.

    I would suggest if you’re hesitant to just start with number 5

  • fred

    Or maybe he would have stared into the blank nothingness that is his life…for nine hours.

  • sepiajack

    yeah he’s a main character in the series other than the 3rd one which he wasn’t in

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I might want to considering how everyone on the earth hates Tokyo Drift. I hate it and I haven’t seen it.

  • sepiajack

    They will call it: THE THE, (it’s the THEs they removed from the title of part 4 to distinguish it from part 1)

  • sepiajack

    FAST & FURIOUS 8: HYPERCHARGE EVERYTHING!!

  • stryker1121

    Reading about Furious 7 I was surprised there’s a narrative continuity they’re trying to keep. Doesn’t Tokyo Drift take place after the events of 7, or some kooky thing?

  • sepiajack

    I think there’s a bit more to it than that. I know for me personally the reason I finally gave these movies a chance is that there isn’t really much selection anymore in terms of traditional action films about tough guys punching people and driving fast cars and whatnot. I like the marvel movies but pretty much the only action films anymore are comic book movies or movies about Emo teens who can shoot energy out of their hands.

    The Justin Lin ones have well staged action, and like Mike said the dumbness isn’t insulting, and its mostly practical stunts and real cars, real exotic locals, not too much CGI. Not many movies like that for big popcorn flicks any more other than the Bond films and Bourne movies

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So Jimmy Wang or China Man or James I Directed Saw who made Furious 7 is supposedly going to directing the Aquaman movie. Considering how fucking hard I laughed at the over the top action while watching the Super Bowl I can tell how awesomely dumb that movie will be. Aquaman will be on a whale jumping over battle ships while fighting evil sea creatures with this trident which shoots light rays.

  • RLMkeepitup

    green lantern was already the first gay super hero, his girlfriend was just a cgi cover girl

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No Aquaman has the case of the not gays as evident by how legitimately manly and awesome it looks. Plus he got to fuck Daenerys.

  • SkaMP

    Batman and Robin is gloriously cheesy and bad puns are best puns so no that’s not any weirder than anything else in this comment section

  • Palpatine

    I already made a Tammy and the T-Rex reference, so I’m gonna let this one slide.

  • joey

    I wear a rock as a hat

  • pete smith

    I gave up watching this series after 2fast2furioustokyodrift, but in retro-perspective I realize I missed the deeper message of the film. Like asian bros and merican bros have their difficulties getting along, but when they realize that installing big block v8 to nissan to win all cgi drifting sequences is a key. When I realized that I was all waterworks and felt like total ignorant douche bag.

  • Palpatine

    Being a meathead solves everything!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i knew i shouldn’t have gone to bed!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh wait… blip again… EEEEWWWW!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it didnt have enough Nissan Skylines. so it was never going to work.

  • J.A.W.S.

    thats why ya lost the empire palpy, sheev isnt meathead enough of a name, ya gotta think cypher raige or vin diesel or rayford steele see, thats the problem

  • pete smith

    I kno. There is still that sparkly round thing like uncorns asshole spinning around making me unable to rewind shit is killing me

  • J.A.W.S.

    gr8 b8 m8

  • J.A.W.S.

    ”It Follows” is not the greatest name for a film, now if it was called ”It Swallows” it might have grabbed my attention

  • Thanatos2k

    You guys talked more about Ouija than these movies. You should have reviewed that!

  • pete smith

    I herd it’s going to be much darker and realistic and even the broads talk low gutter voice.

  • Thanatos2k

    They know. They also know why he’s still in the movie:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBP0c7OAhvE

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Omitteds attention at least…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the fast and the furious stole all its ideas from this movie.

    https://youtu.be/SEDj5i5_LmI

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You can’t. The film has been arrested recently for raping the audience’s intelligence.

  • Thanatos2k

    I’m pretty sure Fake Plinkett addresses the picture of his ex-wife sometime near the beginning of the series.

    Which means both Plinkett and Fake Plinkett have the same ex-wife.

  • Thanatos2k

    Where does “It’s Here” fit into the trilogy?

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich
  • Thanatos2k

    Furious F8

  • Thanatos2k

    For some reason, it bothers me that the title of this episode is Furious 7 and It Follows, but you reviewed them in the reverse order.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I blame Jack for this.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i use this one when i need to find him. i need to re edit it with Jays face over Lincons to increase its power.

    https://youtu.be/ulPgWVC08KI

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its an old joke but… I blame Andrew.

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    haha reminds of the conga line at the manhole where i first met mike

  • Palpatine

    Palpatine’s behind it all!

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    behind them all at the manhole

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats my favorite Gay Bar.

  • Palpatine

    Have they opened one in Australia now?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    well you would know…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    there are a few Manhole clubs around…

    https://youtu.be/Z0Hjy_ZztvY

  • Palpatine

    Where in the Land Down Under do you live anyway?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that wasnt a conga… technically….

  • blau

    Blip! I thought we got rid of this? Is it not working for anyone else? It won’t play. It just buffers forever. Stop using Blip you hacks.

  • blau

    One the upside I have gotten to see this Gieco commercial nine times while I refresh the page.

  • The funny thing is, that KINDA what the chemistry between Simon and Kaylee in Firefly; really stiff, uptight dude and a more open, extroverted lady.

    I love the dude’s work, but man does he white-knight like nobody’s business.

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    Gaydelaide its not far from Transmania

  • Palpatine

    Transmania? Isn’t that where the Transmanian Devil is from?

  • Its_So_Dense

    So…only one song, then?

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    haha so thats where warner bros got their inspiration lol

  • How long until Disney buys this out too so we can have a Fast and the Furious/Cars crossover?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Victoria, Gippsland, on the 90 mile beach, Seaspray.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seaspray,_Victoria

  • Andrew Thompson.

    tuesday

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    Donald Diesel, Mickey Walker, and Goofy ”the Rock” Johnson

  • Andrew Thompson.

    your joke name is soooo wrong. because no one lives in Adelaide they just mope about telling people how to pronounce castle.

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    nothing wrong with being on top of things ;p

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    good song

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    *pillow

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    or kid’s cracks

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    *cock

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i hope you mean the real one not the shit eating remake.
    there is only one Taxi.

    https://youtu.be/BBnlCXi2WWA

  • Michael Collins

    Content!
    That was a good episode, with a twist…

  • Kaitscralt

    what am i supposed to do, who am i

  • No, really.. the doctor says I have brain promblems, that I feel compelled to create new digital content in a lossless format for image files that supports both animated and static images. They don’t have a name for the disease yet, I think I’m like the Lou Gehrig of this shit.

  • ItsFreakinSteve

    Almost just spit beer all over my laptop when they said that The Rock flexed his cast off.

  • So next then will be a commentary track for Blow?

  • Palpatine

    Isn’t that movie where Pee-Wee Herman plays a drug dealer?

  • is that a Vin Diesel quote?

  • Just like Plinkett’s son

  • Palpatine

    I think that’s what Paul Walker’s brain said when it found it was in a robotic T-Rex.

  • Wolvy

    thats riddickulous !

  • #highpraise

  • …. ohhhhh…….

  • Palpatine

    Then he said; “Where is Denise Richards? Is she safe? Is she alright?”

  • AWS2

    Plinkett review… goddamnit… when? Ever?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    never or tuesday.

  • Robby

    My guess would be we’ll get a new Plinkett review this year. I think largely the reason we haven’t gotten one in so long is because they’ve been working on Space Cop for so long. Plus, with The Force Awakens coming this year, I can’t imagine we won’t get that Plinkett review as well.

  • Robby

    WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I DEMAND ANSWERS!

  • Palpatine

    But what will it be on? My money is on Black Monster Dicks #2.

  • Robby

    Probably Cop Dog 2: Lil’ Johnny’s Psychiatric Bill.

  • Palpatine

    Or maybe Baby’s Day Out 2: Lost In Pyongyang.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I think they are holding out for James Camerons ‘TITANIC II: Finding Jacks Bones’

  • Robby

    Or maybe Backdoor Mayor, starring Jack Example.

  • J Aaron Hager

    Fuck It Follows.

  • Frank Balls

    Agreed. That movie was total shit.

  • Frank Balls

    I love the synopsis to this episode.

    But I disagree with it.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    …aaand we’re back to blip. :-/

  • Palpatine

    Deal with it peasant!

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    chuck norris is in that one if i recall

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    *boner

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    thats up in smoke

  • Jaws 8 – Shark Sandwich

    ”is she really a nuclear physicist”

  • z7gizzyz7 .

    I have a real soft spot for these movies. IDK, they’re cute…

  • Frank Balls

    Rock “The Dwayne” Johnson is selling himself short.

  • Frank Balls

    Home Alone 5: Fetus’s Day Out?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Must say that it played smoothly. Actually, most of the time it works just fine.

  • Roddy

    Did you guys watch a horror film from last year called “The Babadook”? it’s the kind of movie these guys will like.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Jay did mention it in one of the Pre-Rec streams. He liked it.

  • Brendan

    WHERE THE FLYING FUCK IS THE NEXT PLINKETT REVIEW?!!

  • On constant loop.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its behind you!

  • Spindles

    Jesus, Blip is such fucking garbage. Not even the commercials play right. Oh well, I didn’t want to watch this anyways, at least until it’s put up on Youtube.

  • Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not a father!

  • Anders Hass

    You could watch all 6 fast and furious movies on the same time

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Oh, I just learned that the soundtrack to It Follows was made by Disasterpeace (a.k.a that person what made the good music what plays in FEZ, for game people). Very nice.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    AND one of the tracks is called “Jay”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i like the name change. i would have gone with ‘Velocipede’ but thats just me.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I intend to go all Jaws and rebrand more often, Thanks for the tip:)

  • Jaws Street Blues

    i cant recall that game, but the fez is familiar

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I don’t play games, but do listen to the soundtrack on Youtube, it is amazing.

  • Jaws Street Blues

    indeed one could say ”Shit Follows”

  • L.A. Jaws

    fast and the furious reminds me of that time i had a dodgy taco bell only i wasnt fast enough and man was the manager of taco bell furious

  • thelionroars

    Now if it was “Jay’s Biceps”, you would have something there.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Mnm, I dunno, I train my biceps by thinking about Jay.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I told you never to go without me!

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    can’t believe these guys are str8

  • L.A. Jaws

    *gays

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Aren’t we all?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Disney is gonna buy Red Letter Media?

    I can’t wait for the Sit on Mr. Plinkett’s Lap ride at Disney World!

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Who are you calling a pig?! It’s called tantric masturbation!

  • Adolf

    I like how they don’t give a single fuck about continuity and just act like alcoholics.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I would like at least a single fuck… from Jay.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Still better than 9/11(?)

  • atheistconservative

    Mike: “Mission Impossible: The One in Dubai was a really good movie!”

    Mind … blown.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Humpin Humpin Hump*

  • Painted Pagliacci Of Perfidy

    Remember when we were kids growing up and we’d sigh at the second or third “Mighty Ducks” sequel or something? Like “wow, that must be stretched pretty thin at this point…” Now idiots just keep shelling out money every year for the same goddamn movie. When I see Furious 7 posters I’m reminded of Jaws 19 from Back to the Future 2. And if you point this creative bankruptcy out to fans, they act all entitled to being stupid and shallow without any shame or self awareness.

    I hate these fucking movies.

  • Adolf

    This show is my justification for my chronic alcoholism.

  • L.A. Jaws

    no no he was referring to Sex and the City 2

  • atheistconservative

    The Friday the 13th series made it to like 12 movies. Hell, I’ve gone to see every Final Destination in the theater. Sometimes people just like a formula. Not that I’m defending F&F, it’s fucking terrible. But the existence of bad movies doesn’t mean there are no good movies – go see “It Follows”.

  • L.A. Jaws

    Jaws 19 was a great moopie, sheeit son, i saw it 15 times

  • Strand

    I have a feeling they’d love FnR 5 and 6. I enjoyed 7 but IMO it was the weakest of the recent ones (Lin and Wan), and it didn’t have enough of The Rock.

  • Eric Moreland

    That’s odd, I thought you didn’t drink?

  • Joe Syxpac

    All my favorite people are alcoholics.

    Or is that “serve alcoholics”?

  • L.A. Jaws

    *The Cock

  • Joe Syxpac

    That’s Jay’s nickname.

  • Strand

    Confirmed for gay.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    That would be The Peacock.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Happy International Tabletopless Day everyone! I’m going to a game night in a couple of hours, any other members of our extended RLM ‘family’ celebrating this fine occasion?

  • Like Icare

    No, a ride through their headquarters. Or their newly Disney-money-bought mansion.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0Vc9_f4ByA

  • Cakefarts

    Just download the episode and watch it offline already.

  • Like Icare

    Squirrels.

  • L.A. Jaws

    *gay night

  • Like Icare

    It will go up to 11 at which point F-F-Franchise (Getit? I just did a thing.) will merge with Ocean’s franchise and it will be the greatest caper movie evar.

  • Like Icare

    Well… at least they try to do their scenes with practical effects.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F540eW4fs9Q

    Instead of with two people talking in front of a green screen. Shot reverse shot. On a couch. Then someone gets up and walks to the window.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Well, I am working from home, watching SUSD videos, so, kinda. I did buy macaroons (not knowing the occasion, but I feel more festive now).

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Do you play or do you watch SU&SD just for Quinns?

  • Red Skeleton

    About to watch this. Predicting tasteless Paul Walker jokes that top Tammy and the T-Rex

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It’s like me with occasionally watching gaming videos, I just hope I might have time to eventually play some of it (and convince people around me to do it). I am buying Pandemic for me and my gf next month, for ou anniversary, because why not bring up deadly diseases at that occasion. Plus, I find all of the guys really funny. And sexy, obvi.

  • Like Icare

    The best part is not him being miffed about the sex-talk and come-ons by the male ginger.

    He finds it sexist that it is HIM who’s all “let’s talk about sex baby” while it is HER who’s all “I’m here on business”.

    Apparently he has a problem that it is not a movie where one’s ex shows up at one’s door and then SHE proceeds to fuck HIM.
    You know. Like poetry porn. So it rhymes. Hopefully.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I heard that to honor him, all the zombies from Walking Dead are now called “Paul”.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Also, what you gonna play?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Well, I’m bringing my Space Cadets: Dice Duel, The Resistance, Coup and Council of Verona with me. It depends on the group what they ultimately want to play.

  • Like Icare

    The Beatles did it as a sacrifice to Cthulhu.
    They hid their true motives by instigating a conspiracy decades earlier.
    Which makes perfect sense as they were waiting for the stars to align.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Oooh, I wanna play Space Cadets!

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    You have to shout a bit louder 😉

  • Like Icare

    9/11 has buffering issues.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    The Beatles actually all died in 1967 and were replaced by Rolling Stones in various wigs.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I would recommend a little card game called Love Letter if you’re an aspiring gamer. It’s quite cheap, easy to learn, works (reasonably) for two players and the theme is fancy princesses, if Disqustapo is into that sort of thing.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Rocks*

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I don’t think she would mind, but I might not be able to get the image of Matt Lees in a dress out of my head.

  • Punkster

    Hi everybody… Just got out of hospital, nice to see a new Half in the Bag to come home to.

  • Like Icare

    Cynthia Rothrock is actually Bruce Lee who faked his own death and then got a sex change.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Heal up quickly. This might help, it has Rich in it.

  • Like Icare

    Wasn’t that the Monkees?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Nah, that’s animals, innit.

  • Punkster

    Thanks bud. Changed your name?
    What else have I missed around here?
    Anything with Richevans is always golden. 😉

  • L.A. Jaws

    hi dr. nick

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    But Matt made such a purdy princess! That game is just such an easy gateway drug I recommend it to anyone interested in card/tabletop gaming, but don’t know where to start. If you want a fun co-op game, maybe consider starting with Forbidden Island/Desert instead of jumping right into Pandemic. That game kicks even the most experienced gamers’ asses most of the time.

  • Punkster

    Nice… I was going to do that *Dr. Nick voice* thing but glad I didn’t have to.

  • Like Icare

    Aminals die too, you know.
    I once saw a movie that was supposed to be about killing aminals and it ended up being about people dancing themselves to death.

    I’d ask for my money back but it was late and they were showing it on TV.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    The name changing is kind of a disease which spreads among the weirdest among us now.

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    Tru dat.

  • Cakefarts

    It’s the roids.

  • L.A. Jaws

    enter the dragon lady

  • L.A. Jaws

    *hacks

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    This has nothing to do with the episode, but will you guys make a tribute to the late, great, Robert Z’Dar?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It would be nice, but the only real way is to do a special BotW and what kind of a tribute involves hysterically laughing at how shit the stuff you were in was? (The best tribute possible is the answer)

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    That’s how my parents always ‘supported’ me…

  • It is just so.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    By making fun of your boyfriends?

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    I wish. (Never had one. Unbelievable, right?)

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    All you need is that ticket to Milwaukee

  • Jay’sFutureEx-Husband

    The Golden Ticket!

  • playdude92 .

    Furry-ous Octopus: Plush Tentacles.

  • L.A. Jaws

    me either

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Okay, I’m off to Milwaukee play some games! Keep safe, guys!

  • G.I. Jaws

    be good, but if ya can’t, be good at it

  • G.I. Jaws

    *shower

  • G.I. Jaws

    *jerked himself off

  • Steven Simmons

    I like It Follows a bunch, but the “creature” does something when chasing the girl on the beach setpiece that felt really out of place for how it acts in the rest of the film.

  • G.I. Jaws

    yah that rape scene came out of nowhere

  • Red Skeleton

    Tabletop is a day? Aw man, I miss tabletop gaming. I ahd to give it up after my first kid got too old for me to reliably go out weekly.

    Edit: What game?

  • Jessey Bowman

    The Fast 4 + The Furious 4 = THE FAST AND FURIOUS 8!

    Full title.

  • Red Skeleton

    Hm, no jokes on the subject. That’s both refreshing AND disappointing. Guess they developed a conscious. Or maybe too many cancelled their patreon Beer Fund donations after the last joke.

  • Red Skeleton

    So when’s Jawrassic Park 4: The Revenge coming out, anyway? Everyone was buzzing about it and now they’ve moved on.

  • Bubs
  • Jawsformers

    it came out last week, and got 7 percent on R.T. so now the decision is to reboot the entire series with m night shyamalan to direct

  • Red Skeleton

    Speaking of reboots, I heard they’re going to be (re)doing another Jaws film where an evil scientist starts cloning duplicates of the shark from the first film and they resume terrorizing the same stretch of beach due to some sort of genetic memory.

    They’re gonna call it Jawppelganger.

  • [insert “I get large extremely fast!” joke here]

  • Jawsformers

    i can see Oscar nominations in the works, hooray for Hollywood, they never let us down

  • Red Skeleton

    Fun fact: This was originally going to be a (much funnier) joke about Drew Barrymore being in a film where she had a split personality with a shark. But then I realized NO ONE would get that joke. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106753/

  • Jawsformers

    i suppose they are getting this guy to direct it too

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mJWCfGj8Jk

  • Red Skeleton

    Fiance? Fiance? Is this a joke/meme or do you people have more info on Rich than I do?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The source for everything is PreRec streams which act more like RLM podcasts then anything remotely gaming related.

  • Red Skeleton

    I gotta start watching those. So…. fiance? Huh. Not that it matters.

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    she’s that ex Penthouse Pet that starred in hard ticket to hawaii

  • Red Skeleton

    I’m not trying to be pedantic, but fiance =/= fiancee.

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    pedantic =/= pedodantic

  • Punkster

    Is this Omitted by any chance?

  • tOmy`

    Update: Booze and bb guns.

  • Bubs

    In a world where people give less than zero fucks (the world I inhabit), they’re exactly the same.

  • tOmy`

    You know when F&F officially became a great movie?

    “Are we going to Tokyo?”
    “Not yet.”

  • RLMkeepitup

    50 first bites

  • Palpatine

    Mike and Jay should film their wedding. I’m serious about that by the way.

  • Trask

    Well, same sex marriage is legal now in Wisconsin, so it is possible.

  • Palpatine

    No no, I mean Rich and his fiance’s wedding, not… Oh, I see what you did there.

  • Doc Brown.

    Best intro ever.

  • McFiddlesby

    You guys don’t really get comments complaining about stuff like this in the intro, do you?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Cats are banned in his Pizza Parlor.

  • tOmy`

    Well, it took us two hours before a first drunk person almost shot someone else with a bb gun.

    #SafetyFirst

  • Billy Whitman

    I had to watch the intro 3 times. It was great.

  • Captain Turbo

    If they don’t call the next one ‘F8st and F8rious’, they’re stupid.

  • Palpatine

    At least he wasn’t drunk on the Death Star like me and Darth Vader were this one time. The result was a destroyed planet that was loyal to the Empire.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Switch to pure ethanol and live ammo

  • tOmy`

    *!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Feightst and Feightrious? Doesn’t really roll of the tongue.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I am totally opposed to drunk people not being allowed to carry bb guns on principle. Dionysius bless us, every one!

  • Like Icare

    How bout Fast8Furious where 8 is both a number eight and an ampersand &?

    Fast8Furious
    Fast&Furious

    Getit? Brilliant, isn’t it? Someone should give me an Oscar for marketing.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    See that just looks like “Fast” ate “Furious” to me. Like the classic 789 joke. Classic. Classic jokes.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Any idea what version of STAHR WAHHS they released in “The Digital Movie Collection”? Also $90? Hrmmm. Not for DRM, thaanks.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The Special Editions.

  • Palpatine

    Most likely one of the Special Editions. Also, the opening fanfare has been changed:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWSuCxqBBqk

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh sweet! I love when things are different.

  • Like Icare

    Shhh!
    That’s the title for the zombie spin-off.

    It’s about fast running Snyder-zombies duking it out with raging 28Days zombies while “R Gang of intrepid but tired post-apocalyptic survivorsTM” must cross right through across the zombie-division line to get the MacGuffin to the MacGuffinator.

    It will feature BOTH Milla Jovovich AND Kate Beckinsale.
    It’s gonna be great.

  • Cakefarts

    I reckon the eight should be on its side like an infinity sign because the movie will be that (infinitely) good. Also they can do a dissolve from a car drifting from above like with a crane shot so it will be more expensive into the eight/infinity sign logo for the trailer.

    I may have quickly written a script too in the last few minutes! When do I email it to, and when I can I cash my cheque?

  • Palpatine

    It’s whatever for me at this point. George has made so many changes to the trilogy at this point that it’s not even worth discussing. Well, actually it is.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I am still waiting on the Alternative Pronunciations Version

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Ooo, or what if the cars got infected with some kind of CAR VIRUS and became sentient–with a killer case of the munchies?! That would be total sheeeeeeeet.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No more than all that sappy crap about “it’s family” and “I care about my kids so I’m not gonna drive with my homies no more.”

    Which is obvious pandering bullshit, considering Paul Walker died because of vehicular irresponsibility, leaving his real-world family behind.

    Oh, but y’all got Paul Walker on your fyucking minds all the time, ’cause you’re so in-touch with The Feels.

  • Palpatine

    Princess Leia is pronounced “Leah”, and C-3P0 is pronounced C-3PZero.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I had seen Leia’s name spelled that way many many times by people. Weirds me the fuck out.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    How about Laya? That’s the Phantasy Star III version.

  • Jillian

    It looks like Vin Diesel makes a great Groot, but not much else.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Celebrate Stupid. All Summer Long.

    Let me get this straight…Michael Bay thinks he’s above the material and chuckles all the way to the bank = Bad. James Wan thinks he’s above the audience and chuckles all the way to the bank = Good.

    Nope, I still don’t get it, Mike. Is it a different bank?

  • Palpatine

    Welcome back.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Thanks, Palpy. I’m just popping in and out. CineMaybe for IT FOLLOWS to, um, follow.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Pa! You crawled out of your ditch.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Well, only you would know that as the main resident videogame Pleia

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I heard his quiche is passable.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think I assumed it was spelled that way for the longest time, as that’s the only version I ever saw in writing during my whole childhood. “Leia”?? What’s this vomit of assorted-vowels?! Wookie PLEAZE!

  • Snake Squeezer

    I don’t love Michael Bay, I just don’t completely despise him.

  • Like Icare

    Hmm… They may have to get permission from Roger Zelazny’s estate for that.
    http://www.lib.ru/ZELQZNY/devilcar.txt

    Not one of his best stories, but it has that Moby Dicks meets Mad Max kinda thing and Zelazny was a good writer.
    But it would need to be updated a bit as it is quite 1950s.

    On the other hand it is just a question of time someone makes a “killer driverless car” movie.

    Remember that movie starring Nokia phones?

    How bout those movies staring Internet, Facebook, Google…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Well, he thinks that you’re an idiot.

  • Like Icare

    See-Trip-Null and Princess Lee Yeah.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    When I was little, the only version of SW I had was czech dubbed version. Now, the acting was actually good, since, in here, even the great actors sometimes do it to pay the bills. But it was an early dubbing where tey did not know how to say things in English, so for the longest time it were the “Yedi” for me,

  • Snake Squeezer

    He can get in line.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    This bullshit has blocked out all other memory of cell phones in films for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUvfqMBImIg

    Meanwhile, I feel like the era of social-networking horror films is just beginning…

  • Like Icare

    He’s not ridiculous as Riddick.

    Quite the opposite actually.

    Also, everyone loved him as the original Iron Man.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    No, no, you got it wrong, you do the lines, not get them.

  • Snake Squeezer

    If only…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Well at least you got documented video footage of the existence of the Yedi.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    And it’s grainy and barely watchable, just like all the others.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Now we just need to find a country that can slur Katniss Everdeen into the Lochness Monster.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Ah yes, the prothagonist of Hunger Games 2: Murderous Vengeance

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I could really murder a cheeseburger right now…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Meat already is murder, silly.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I like to murder the corpse of what’s already been murdered. Double Murder-Pounder with Cheese.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Actually triple, with ground beef

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    CineMaybe IT FOLLOWS

    Detroit has fallen on hard times, but this is ridiculous! Now the suburban kids there can’t even enjoy youthful promiscuity. The guys are right about this indie horror flick: It manages a good level of suspense throughout its run-time, though the premise gets a little wonky. I really liked the retro vibe, and I was never even that big a fan of that particular “teens v. monsters” vibe back when it wasn’t retro. And, the musical score represents the first time I’ve noticed a musical score and it didn’t piss me off since, maybe, HALLOWEEN. A pretty girl sleeps with a hunk and catches an STD. Sexually Transmitted Doom. A malignant force, which manifests as a number of ill-used beings that walk slower than zombies, now wants to catch up to her. Her only chance is to eff like a bunny and become so callous that she puts enough space between herself and her regrets. Or, something. The direction is simple, but effective. You’ll eventually be searching the screen for anything on two legs that might be It, and there are a couple of tense set pieces. Mike’s slight criticism of Its motivation can be countered. While not clarified, there is an explanation (one he must have been sleeping to have missed, so I don’t consider this a SPOILER): It can go backwards, too. If It gets the lover you “got,” It‘ll come back for you. I think the thematic intent is clear. (And, it’s pretty conservative.) But, it’s up for interpretation.

    On the other hand, it will seem a bit slow for modern jump-scare junkies, just like Jay said, and there are a couple of dangling moments that will either infuriate you or pique your curiosity. I’m thinking that’s what the guys meant by suggesting narrative problems.

    ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

  • Like Icare

    Wait… Unfriended is a real movie?
    Heh… I thought that it was a joke. A pun.

    But my favorite “all this is an advertisement for phones” movie is definitely the one where Captain America saves Vicki Vale from Jason Statham.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuPJngghFl4

  • Snake Squeezer

    Glad to see my home state on the map. I’ve heard the other movies this guy has done also take place around Detroit. I’ll have to check those out.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    But it would be a fancypoo, pasture-raised Bay Area burger and not McDonald’s, which means you can’t come Tapey!

  • mister man

    If you guys EVER stop making Half In The Bags, well, I’ll drive to Milwaukee and slaughter you in your own homes.

  • Palpatine

    Do not hesitate, show no mercy.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I still have my macaroons I bought in the morning on the farmer’s market, sooo, I am good.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Finally a voice of reason in here.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Ah yes, from the glorious full-on-mimbo phase of Chris Evans’ career. <3

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You’re a macaroon.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    And speaking of delicious treats, have you read what I wrote about the It Follows soundtrack somewhere under this?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    No, that would require scrolling down.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    That has to be some sorta “…ist”

  • Snake Squeezer

    Feel the hate flow through you.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It was made by Disasterpeace, the person who did the FEZ soundtrack. And it has a track called simply “Jay” on it.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think …ist is appropriately confused.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    So I read that the Daredevil show is good. Fuck, I procrastinate on my various procrastinations, don’t do this to me TV producers.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    [insert Omitted broken record joke here]
    I don’t remember the Fez soundtrack that clearly. But I think it was decent…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Well you obviously don’t remember it clearly, because it was amazing. I’ve never played the game, but boy, that music.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I remember it having that typical indie-game ambient style. Haven’t finished Fez yet though, so there’s probably parts of the soundtrack I have yet to hear.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    For basically a non gamer, I listen to a lot of those ambient style soundtracks and this one had something quite special about it, this weird serious pathos and sense of mystery. I need a joke in there somewhere. (farts)

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    *enthusastic Jessi applause*

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t think they will be able to top the 2003 movie.What a hit!

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    shit*

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Never seen, never seen. In any case, neither of them can top Elektra (yeah, I know).

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    How was gameday?

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    The one and only. Hey, how my number one stalker doesn’t know this already?

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Just okay, since only three people (including me) showed up. Stupid people wanting to go outside with the stupid sunny weather. Bah humbug!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Is Evanescence music also prominent on this arthouse masterpiece known as Elektra?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Actually, I am pretty sure it was.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s like a match made in heaven.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Well color me surprised!

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Pitch black it is!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Excluding the overall stupidity, what stands between me and enjoyment of Fuss and Funyuns, is the simple fact that there is nothing I find more boring than cars.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    100% agreed. As long as it gets me from point A to point B in the alloted time, who cares about the rest.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Well, we ended up playing Marvel Dice Masters and Smash Up, since there were only 2-3 players present at one time.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I take that to the extreme of not having a license

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Me too. Why would I want to pay thousands of euros for an ID card?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    You don’t really need a car in Prague, plus, E. is a driver. Yeah, I am a manly man.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Yeah, I plan to never live someplace where I can’t manage with my bike and public transportation.

  • Like Icare

    I take it to another extreme by having a truck license and not driving.

    But if I ever get to some roadhouse run by vampires and they try to tell me they only serve truck drivers… Boy are THEY in for a surprise.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Cough, cough. (best Bane voice:) “LET THE GAMES BEGIN! Anyone? No? Awwr…”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    FOR YOU

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    ! That was scary… ; ;

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    PUPPIES HAVE SMALL TUMMIES. RUB THEM!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    If I pull that off will you die?

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    May the odds be ever in your favor!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    My cousin is a trucker. I knew there was something wrong with him since the time he showed me a game where you drove on mostly empty roads and had to abide by the laws.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell
  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Quite possibly. He also has bunch of train simulators. Which I get, because, accelerating and deccelarating are the best.

  • Bubs

    There was a girl I knew who was way into cars. I told her that I thought they were fucking stupid and I didn’t see the difference between a Lambourghini and a Ford Focus. Why have a car that can go 275 mph when the speed limit is, at most, 80 mph?

    She knew a lot about cars. If only she had known more about trunks and how to get out of them…

  • Like Icare

    So your future lawyer could convincingly say the words “Your honor, the idea that my defendant is the one to blame is so preposterous it is ridiculous. Why, he’s a model citizen. Doesn’t even have a single parking or speeding ticket to his name. In over a DECADE. This man LOVES the LAWS.”

  • DanceOfBirther

    I had wondering about It Came after spotting it in a BotW some time back. I’ve wondered about how big “It” was, how long it took to come or if it had any difficulty getting up in order to come.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    My balls know the most about getting out of trunks. Oh, high school gym class, how I don’t miss you.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    And then Omitted should shout “I AM THE LAWHHHH!!” and just derail all his poor lawyer’s efforts.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    You were a flasher?!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It would be a crime not to show those sweet sweet genitals. Maybe I got that wrong….

  • Like Icare

    Wearing a helmet is not just a good idea that can save your life – IT IS THE LAWWHHHHH!!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZrsJsvL30g

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    You were absolutely right! Now just let me have a peek…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It will be a peek experience

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Shit, I just realized I’ll need someone to drive the truck when I go to abduct Jay. Any volunteers?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Penis

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Envy

  • Like Icare

    Then you better pray not for nuclear holocaust.

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NoBikesInTheApocalypse

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Walks into a bar

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Catching up on Powers is making me need a nap… *falls over*

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Is it balling?

  • Like Icare

    Part time.

  • Caustic Vapors

    Mike was obviously NOT paying attention because the point of IT going back down the line of fuc kers was underlined and exampled MANY times! He paid more attention to FURIOUS 7- which I thought sucked btw, and I am not above enjoying a F & F movie at all.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Shot callin. (That was merely a reflex.)

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It has Carlito’s Way Cooper in it, right?

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Okay Tapey, Quinns or Brendan?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Yes, I’m amazed I figured that one out. :p

  • Caustic Vapors

    Frankly, I think James Wan’s going to make ST: ID look tame, if he carries this aptitude for action to Star Trek 3. At least Michael Bay’s abominations looked pretty good. The effects that I saw in Furious 7 looked very fakey & incomplete looking several times.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer
  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Like Sherlock. Played by Bee Addict Slumber Party

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Benadril Coochiesnootch.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    The best thing is, they have Disqus over there too. Brendan is cute, Quinns is a complete package. I would survive with Pip as well.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I think it’s time for black Sherlock. Maybe Chinatown Aeroplane could play him.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Don’t remind me, I made a fool of myself commenting to a video where Quinns appears shirtless. I’m afraid we’ll never see such ‘dedication’ to fan service from the RLM guys…

  • Palpatine

    I don’t think Mike ever pays attention during movies. Unless it’s Ghostbusters or the The Rocketter.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Caused a little outrage?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    And I’d bet you’d call it “Sherlock Homeboy” too, you blacksploiting racist!

  • Palpatine

    Who you guys talking about?

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    The Shut Up and Suck Dick guys.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Nah, I’d just go with “Holmie”

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Nappytime. Time to dream of racist things…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Shut Up And Sit Down, different site, because we like to stay on topic here.

  • Palpatine

    I looked that up and got mostly results from porn sites.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Oh God, your Internet is broken!

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Sleep well sistah

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    The less said about it, the better.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    nite-nite, parasite. =)

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Sorry Jay, there is only one werewolf film I can find a place in my heart for. It has a nice song too. It goes something like this…

  • cincoboy

    Furious V8

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Wait? For what?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ♫IT’S THE CURSE OF THE WOLFFFFF ♫

  • Snake Squeezer

    Late Phases was decent. Not particularly scary or original, but I’d still recommend it.

  • Snake Squeezer

    3,2,3,4,4,2,3-And!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You know? Every time I tell someone Ghostbusters is my favorite movie, or that Ghostbusters is a near-perfect movie, they give me a weird look.

    Rocketeer is a fine movie itself.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    The same with Robocop. We should murder people.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Vin Diesel’s best two roles: Groot and the Iron Giant. He is not onscreen, and has very limited dialogue. Perfect.

  • dejectedchuckle

    “Because once it kill someone, what if that person didn’t have sex with another person. The train ends there.”

    So what did Mike think was even happening for most of the movie? They outline very explicitly the “rules” of the monster at least twice, and the backtracking-of-sexual-partners nature of the monster informs the conflict in the movie pretty heavily. Jesus ChriBut yeah IT FOLLOWS was a good and atmospheric movie.

    I was surprised they didn’t bring up HOUSE OF THE DEVIL which this movie reminded me of at least on a stylistic level since both movies draw heavily on the style of horror movies from an era passed. IT FOLLOWS had a lot more substance to it, DEVIL kind of had it’s style only. Which… hey I like some stylistic movies but DEVIL didn’t do much with it’s replication of 70’s/80’s horror movies outside of just replicating them. IT FOLLOWS had ideas and themes and characters and stuff–like I said, substance.

    There are whispers of a sequel among people who are still trying to figure out if they would make money off of one. If they decide to go ahead with it I will probably be on board even though that goes against my better judgement.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I love Robocop too. Now, Ghostbusters to me is what Star Wars is to most geeky people. Except there’s not as much merchandise for Ghostbusters so I don’t have to waste that much money. I’m almost happy Mattel made such a sloppy job with the Ghostbusters action figures. I saved 120 bucks! 🙂

  • RLMkeepitup

    seeing Rich’s chest hair was enough for some of us

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is that a reference to Ninja 3: Resurrection?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Do you know what is a perfect movie though? Boyhood. A flaw film in every way. You can even call it a masterpiece of flawlessness.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Fuck that crap, watch Daredevil on Netflix. Vincent D’onofrio smashes a guy’s head with a car door until it pops like a balloon. And this takes place in the same goofy world as Avengers.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Iron Giant, Groot, and the first guy to die Saving Private Ryan are the only good things he seems to have done very well as.

  • Red Skeleton

    Ah. I played DND 3.5, 4th ed, Shadowrun and Legend of the 5 Rings back in the day.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Yeah, Boyhood! Fuck, Ghostbusters!

  • niceguy1xmil

    Jay looks like he’s drinking a sugar free ‘rip-it’ from the dollar store. Mmmm, 200mg caffeine.

  • Palpatine

    I wish there was more merchandise for The Shining, my favorite movie of all time. I for one would love a Jack Torrance action figure!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m susprised McFarlane’s Movie Maniacs or NECA never got around to making one.

    But admit it, Palpy, what you really want is a figure of the rotting old crone.

  • Bubs

    SPOILERS

  • phillysportsfan

    did you know it took 12 years to make?

  • Like Icare

    On the first year of Boyhood, my true love gave to me…

  • My ex wife

    I’m the opposite. I like cars but I just can’t exclude the overall stupidity of Vin Diesel 7, or any of the other films for that matter.

    Imagine somebody taking something you love and watching as they bastardise it in the most infantile way.

    http://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/GeorgeLucas.jpg

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    For anyone interested, my ‘found footage’ project I was telling you about roughly 2 weeks ago has been completed. It was shown in class on Wednesday and then screened at a ‘Year-End Showcase’ Thursday evening. I was surprised and flattered when a bunch of people mentioned how much they enjoyed it [just a few minutes ago a classmate said their father needed to see it again and asked if it was online anywhere]. ‘The Last Take’ also screened to positive reception, but I can’t share that with you guys, unfortunately. You may notice [Bisone] it’s changed quite a bit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBhj6_P9nGA&feature=youtu.be

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i cannot fault your logic.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “A flaw film in every way.”

    That’s on the DVD cover.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Boredom.

  • Adolf

    I do now nigger

  • Like Icare

    Is that like “I wish that existed” or “I wish I had disposable income” kinda wish?
    Cause if it’s the first kind – you’re in luck!
    http://geek-news.mtv.com/2013/03/11/jack-nicholson-shining-figure/

    I like it how he looks both like Jack Nicholson and Stephen King.
    But it is a bit pricier than it used to be. I guess they didn’t heart that the value of dollar went up. So it is now listed at $198.88.
    http://www.kghobby.com/brother-production-1-6-figure-redrum-custom-jack-nicholson-shining/

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m collecting the bits and pieces to make a proton pack. i’ve always wanted one.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I drove a truck for my job years ago. I’m also on the same continent as Jay, unlike you, so I’m available.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s my favourite Indiana Jones quote! 😀 😀 😀 😀

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i really liked ‘dog soldiers’

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I was about to say “YOU’RE BACK! :D”, but then I realized how absent I’ve been the last 2 weeks so I’m not sure how often you’ve commented.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I LOL’ed.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Dong

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    3/5 stars is enough for me. I’ll give it a chance. I knew next to nothing about it before seeing this episode, but the premise sounds interesting enough for me to not give it some money. It’ll certainly be better than many of horror films I’ve seen in theatres.

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Andrew Thompson.

    wait it costs thousands to get your licence?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “You know? Every time I tell someone Nutbusters is my favorite
    movie, or that Nutbusters is a near-perfect movie, they give me a
    weird look.

    Cocketeer is a fine movie itself.”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Red rocket.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i could ride a bike but its 20kms to the shops so fuck that… and what is this
    Pu-blick Trainsport thing. never herd of it.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Gaymer is an actual thing. I found this out at a ‘GamerGate’ talk put on at my school by ‘Women and Media’ and ‘Gender Studies’ and whatnot. I’m sure you can figure out their position on the topic. 😛

  • Palpatine

    Hey, that old crone was my sister!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Best of luck. From what I’ve seen it is a lot of work, and depending on how you do them, they get to be very pricey. Where I live, I’m not even sure I’d be able to find some of the pieces.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he worked as Riddik in Pitch Black because he was supposed to be and emotionless brick, then they wrecked it all with the sequel.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m building it from things i find. i’m not paying for the fancy $1,000 plastic copy’s.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    is Omitted rubbing off on you?

  • William Lee Twitch

    They gonna die when they hit dat Holy Shit That Be One Bigass Black Dong Tower. Or Goose shoots them down to prevent another 9/11. It’s one of those.

  • Like Icare

    Back when “the fridge incident” came to be, there was for a short while a topic on imdb where people were posting Indiana Jones quotes and inserting “fridge” in the quote.

    It was hilarious the way only a long, long list of bizarre jokes can be, where after a while you no longer have any rational control and you’re laughing and crying and still reading on.

    Quotes like:
    “For crying out loud, there’s a fridge driving the car!?

    “Mola Ram! Prepare to meet Kali… in the fridge!”

    “You’re gonna get killed chasing after your damn fridge!”

    “What is a fridge?
    Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.”

    “Drop the fridge, Dr. Jones! It will be found! You won’t!”

    “Ah, Dr. Jones. I’m Earl Webber. I spoke with your assistant and managed to secure three seats. However, there might be a *slight* inconvenience as you will be riding on a fridge full of live poultry.”

    “Sallah, I said NO fridges. That’s five fridges. Can’t you count?”

    “The Bible speaks of the fridge leveling mountains and laying waste to entire regions. An army which carries the fridge before it… is invincible.”

    “What, you mean THE fridge?
    Yes, the actual fridge, the one that Moses brought down from Mt. Horeb and smashed, if you believe in that sort of thing…”

    “But in the Latin alphabet, ‘Fridge’ begins with an ‘I’.”

    “Elsa never really believed in the fridge. She thought she’d found a prize.
    And what did you find, Dad?
    Me? Illumination.”

    “Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the fridges in the sky…”

    “Jones is dead. I killed him. He was of no use to us. This fridge, however, has certain value where we’re headed. It’ll bring a very fine price.
    Herr Colonel – that cargo you’ve taken – if it’s your goal, go in peace with it, but leave us the fridge. It will reduce our loss on this trip.”

    And the golden oldie… “THAT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!”

    Unfortunately, admins decided that people having fun posting dozens of pages of doctored Indiana Jones quotes was… something… and started deleting posts.
    Apparently, they had to do it one post at a time, as they were still using the ancient imdb forum so it took them a while.

    Somewhere on my old computer I have a folder of saved pages with those posts I felt needed to be saved.

    Whoa… earthquake… it’s gone…

    Anyway… those are my favorite Indiana Jones quotes.
    The fridges that weren’t there.

  • Bubs

    I’m pretty sure he’s rubbed off on all of us at least once.

  • Like Icare

    I’m really sorry to do this to an Australian… But that’s no truck.

    A truck is vehicle you climb into and jump out of, where your seat is two or more meters off the ground and all other road traffic other than buses and other trucks is beneath you while you feel you’re sitting on the outside of the front bumper and steering with a wheel someone took from off of a ship.
    It’s the closest thing to a Mech a civilian can drive on the road.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ZkyA7Ka3sto#t=6355

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It was produced by Flaw Films

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah! Fuck Ghosbusters! Like Eternal Sunshine! BOYHOOD!

  • Like Icare

    “Eeeeh… not much” is the correct answer but the jury will accept “boredom” as well.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’ll be patiently waiting for the limited edition 4k 3D blu-ray release of The Last Take.

  • Like Icare

    Maybe they will cause another incident like this one?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqgeM6rWSkw

  • Like Icare

    Not Davadah? It has to be Bray?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    On the other hand, that other movie Jay recommends — STARRY EYES — currently streaming on Netflix, is even better. it’s a slow builder to a totally fyucked-up climax. Way-more over-the-top than IT FOLLOWS. About an actor who sells her soul to Satan. Check that out, too, if you dare! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA.

    (Some are bound to find it too misogynistic and bloody, though, I can imagine. You should know if you’re likely to be offended by that kind of thing.)

  • Wizard Phoenix

    On the second year of Boyhood my true love gave to me: cringe inducing scenes and boredom.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    If you guys want to see some great filmmaking, even though it’s technically television, the end fight scene of Daredevil’s second episode is amazingly well put together. It’s like Oldboy mixed with The Raid.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hiya, filmmaker!

  • Vengeful Eagle

    I’d be worth it for the Paranormal Activity Haunted Rich White People House.
    https://youtu.be/p0Vc9_f4ByA

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Javier Boredom.

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wait so are we all prophets? Is Rich a prophet? Is Jay? IS MIKE IS PROPHET?!

    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/03/christian-minister-claims-her-gift-of-prophecy-allows-her-to-predict-movie-plots/

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Even a protocol droid can sniff her out.

  • Snake Squeezer

    You can be my wingman anytime.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Dioxis!”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Maybe she got a little sniff.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Sir, she’s gone up the ventilation shaft!”

  • Like Icare

    One day, people will consider those as quaint as camel caravans along the Silk Road.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    How do you know that thing in the mouth face?

    I would actually love this woman to mind-erase her viewing of Phantom Menace and then try to predict how the taxation of trade routes was supposed to occur. Why the Naboo blockade was there. Who bet what in the pod race.

    Which one was fake Padme. Y’know, the important stuff.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I want to test her prophet crap. I’ll make her watch Inside Illewyn Davis with Poe Dameron and if she can predict the ending I’ll declare her as a prophet.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    We could ask her “Which movies will have ‘Gunshot, fade to black'” as endings in the next 2 years.” If she gets them all right, she’s cool in my book.

  • Palpatine

    He’s a poet, he’s a picker, he’s a prophet, he’s a pusher.
    He’s a pilgrim and a preacher, and a problem when he’s stoned.
    He’s a walking contradiction, partly truth, partly fiction.
    Takin’ every wrong direction on his lonely way back home.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    My Netflix subscipthtrn has been deactivated for the past couple months, but I’ll check it out soonish. As long as noone does anything weird to eyeballs, or microwaves a living thing, or lands on the ground with a horrible splooshy sfx (I’m looking at you “In Bruges” -_-), I should be a-o-k with the hyper-violence.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    WHAT KIND OF NINTH GRADE BULLSHIT TRIPE IS THIS?!

  • Like Icare

    There are several expert theories regarding Mike’s status as a prophet.

    “Cindy Jacobs, who also claims to have the gift of prophecy,
    interrupted her to lament, “You know, my gift doesn’t work like that at
    movies, and I don’t go to that many, but Mike’s does.
    And I hate that! I
    go, ‘Now, I do not wanna know the outcome,’ you know, I deal with
    nations…”
    “And that’s not prophetic with me,” Mike Jacobs said over her.
    Cindy Jacobs then replied, “Oh, he doesn’t know. He’s very prophetic.”

    Her prophetic gift doesn’t work like that at the movies – BUT MIKE’S DOES.
    http://eringoodman.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/play-dough.jpg

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I don’t know, but it tastes great fried and in tacos.

    Maybe she was the inspiration for the most recent Woody Allen movie with Colin Firth.

    Unless he’s come out with a more recent movie, then it’s the one before that.

  • Like Icare

    Keep pumping in the gas.

  • Bubs

    On the third year of boyhood, my true love gave to me:
    Three boring hours,
    Two cringing scenes,
    and bore-dom~ all through act three.

  • guy

    Instead of joke-recommending Furious 7, I’d rather they looked at something interesting, like ex-machina, for example.

  • guy

    Cars are like baseball. Fun when you’re the one playing, at least if you’re good, but you’d have to be pretty drunk to watch other people do it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    On the fourth year of Boyhood, my true love gave to me:
    Four drunk husbands
    Three boring hours
    Two cringing scenes,
    and boredom~all through act three

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You mean the movie with me in which I play a professor?

  • guy

    “My Netflix subscipthtrn” I know it was just your phone, but reading that with a heavy lithp made me giggle more than a little.

  • Robby

    I just wanted to tell the RLM guys I love the new animated VHS tape when you’re showing footage from the movie.

  • Bubs

    On the fifth year of Boyhood, my true love gave to me:
    Five Emo Teens!
    Four drunk husbands
    Three boring hours
    Two cringing scenes,
    and boredom~all through act three

  • Wizard Phoenix

    On the sixth year of Boyhood, my true love gave to me:
    Six pop culture references
    Five Emo Teens!
    Four drunk husbands
    Three boring hours
    Two cringing scenes,
    and boredom~all through act three

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Nah, it was intentional gibberishing. Sometimes words annoy me and I have to abuse them…

  • Mark Bisone

    On the advice of Other Guy I saw “Starry Eyes”

    I have to admit: it’s “the shit”, a surprise hit. And, to wit, I surmise:

    It lies. Billed as horror (and it is) it’s still fairly hilarious;

    Not as scary as it is morally hairy and nefarious.

    You get this bitch with ambition on a mission to make fiction

    while her friends create friction and she contemplates dicks then

    the fairy-tale kicks in.

    Sin conquers “sins,

    whim conquers “wins.”

    Cut, roll credits and Alexandra’s career begins.

  • Bubs

    On the eighth year of Boyhood, my true love gave to me:

    Eight Oscar noms,
    Seven Oscar losses,
    Six pop culture references
    Five Emo Teens!
    Four drunk husbands
    Three boring hours
    Two cringing scenes,
    and boredom~all through act three

  • Bubs

    I watched this three times. I didn’t even notice the VHS tape until I read your comment. What the fuck is wrong with my brain?

  • James Earl Jones

    I assume it’s because of Youtube. They could get flagged or something by the movies rights owners.
    But it looks very nice.

  • James Earl Jones

    Did you watch the Blip version or the Youtube version? Because the former did not have it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    On the ninth year of Boyhood, my true love gave to me:

    Ten Bad Kid Actors
    Eight Oscar noms,
    Seven Oscar losses,
    Six pop culture references
    Five Emo Teens!
    Four drunk husbands
    Three boring hours
    Two cringing scenes,
    and boredom~all through act three

  • Robby

    Yeah I thought the same thing. I thought it was a little odd though, since it’s the first time I’d ever noticed it. But maybe they’ve only recently had problems with YouTube’s bullshit content ID.

  • Robby

    I watch Half in the Bag to see Mike Stoklasa and the Other Guy. Not the Other Guy, and another Other Guy.

  • Robby

    DID SOMEONE SAY THE RAID???????

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkEEGidt9GY

  • Hank_Henshaw

    How can she know what’s going to happen in a movie? Hey, I’m asking a question. How can she know that? Did she read the script too? Hey, what’s that?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    /starts trashing the room and breaking beer bottles.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW GOOD BOYHOOD IS! *throws beer bottle*

  • Hank_Henshaw

    OMG!!! is the music during the FBI raid at the very end of Episode I’s review the same music that can be heard during Mike’s “Paranormal Activity: The Universal Studios Ride” bit, only slowed down?

  • Palpatine

    *BANG!*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    See you, space Plinkett

  • Palpatine

    Sorry, I don’t that reference.

  • Gerhard Van der Berg

    Furious 7 is not really about cars, this is not Fast 7 but furious. I had only seen the first 2 before the latest, but any movie having both Jason Statham and Tony Jaa (in my opinion the best onscreen martial artist) kicking some ass is a can’t miss, even if the quality was like one of the hordes of movies that Mike has called the worst movie ever on Best of the Worst.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I was only referencing the greatest anime of all time. It was about bounty hunters and aired in the early 2000’s. A little show called CORY IN THE HOUSE!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    If Half in The Bag had a sequel would it be called Full in The Bag?

  • MikeFromCanmore

    Yum !

  • Servoret

    The only thing that I found infuriating about It Follows were the gender politics of having Nice Guy Paul creep around Jay until she finally breaks down and fucks him. Plus, by the end of the movie he felt more like the protagonist to me than she did.

    I’m glad that Mike called out the scene with the kids watching black and white Sci Fi movies at the beginning of the movie. It doesn’t make any sense that modern teenagers would be doing that, so it’s just a kind of obtrusive reference to Halloween in the end.

    I guess I would give It Follows two and a half stars out of four. I didn’t find it scary, the narrative goes nowhere, it has a lot of stuff that’s obviously derivative of better movies, and the gender politics thing really bothered me in the end. It’s not a very good movie, but it’s nice that it made it into wide release. And the soundtrack is amazing.

  • Xrinti

    Dunno if you guys saw, but Robert Z’Dar died on 3/30/15.

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    Half in the Bag 2… 2 Halves 2 Baggier

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    jesus i nearly jumped out of my lazy boy, sheesh palpy ya gotta warn me next time ya do that

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    also.. he rocks

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    Robert Z’Dar was in Saw, i didnt know that

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    did you ever see saw, yeah it sucked i prefer the monkey bars

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I thought it was called “Indian Rocksteady”… Except in that version they all wear kaiser moustaches.

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    furious 7 is kind of a lame title for a film, i thought at first it was a sequel to the 7 dwarfs, who are angry now cause snow white ate a poisoned apple, i was all hyped up for some angry little people, but no, fast and the furious is a better title though, because it is exactly how i like to masturbate

  • DarkFluffy

    Vin is trying hard and seems to be a nice guy but he will never be an action icon like Bronson, Willis or Stallone. His league is more the one of Chuck Norris.
    Almost tragic…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    frankly its the only way to masturbate… who are you trying to impress by wanking slowly and erotically for an hour?

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Pubic*

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    Yeah, the driving school fees are about 2000 euros.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    It’s gonna be great!

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    My webcam audience of course, duh!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *Andrew Thompson has sent Omitted 20 tokens.

  • I’mNotAPlaya,I’mJustAGaymer

    That buys you a private show 😉

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I have to keep saying RLM needs a TVNetcastCable series show.
    the only question is the name….
    Half on the Box?
    Film is DEAD!
    TORRENT REVIEW PTY>LTD.
    suggestions?

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    Mike Rules or Half in the Bag Coast to Coast, or even Hacks Incoporated

  • Jawsformers 2 – Jaws Happens

    or even Bangladesh Bebop

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Pshaw. There’s no way they couldn’t keep up with the broadcast schedule.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    shhhh dont ruin the moment.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    ZAP! I throw-down lightning bolts like Zeus!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I’m looking forward to his physical transition into an old giant-baby.

  • Jawsie the Pooh

    you sound like my ex wife

  • Andrew Thompson.

    if the theme to Hacks Incorporated uses this song for the opening credits i’m sold.
    https://youtu.be/HnsHpPNltBw

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    What kind of whack-a-mole name is this??! Has the world gone mad!? If there was more than one gay regular on this webzone, you’d be in BIG TROUBLE, mister!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    meh as a fire god i find your noisy sparks ineffectual.

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    now there’s a hit, i’m in

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    i was under the impression everyone was gay here

  • Andrew Thompson.

    there are a few regular gay commenters. of both sexes.
    i wish i was gay… but i cant dance…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    both

  • omitted

    By your request, I’ll go back to default. I was starting to feel a bit too included anyways…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Is that how they’re ingesting the cocaine these days? I can’t keep up with all this sex & drugs, rock and roll, space opera, strip-mall psychic. Christian ministrette lifestyle craziness!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    we would just spend the time making evil plans and forget to jack off.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you have cocaine!? i like COCAINE!
    wait what are we talking about?

  • omitted

    cock-aine*

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats what i said! wasnt it?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Awwwwww… Why that speechlesses my nag-speaker. 😮

  • omitted

    Jay’s sexual magnetism doesn’t take into account your gender… or species.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    None that peacock about as much as Omy, for I have not detected them! And my gaydar is top-of-the-line 1980’s Japanese tech!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    there are beings in other galaxy’s that through Quantum Fluctuations KNOW that they love Jay.

  • omitted

    fag*

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Everybody has to check “gay” under the Jay box or the Rich box in this community, even the girls. :p

  • omitted

    Or?! OR?!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no but omy chases them into the second shift. those that come after we leave for the newest post.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sounds like the squirrel politics in my back yard.

  • omitted

    Yeah, I’ve been known to threaten to cut a bitch.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Bicheckuality is also accepted… tenuously.
    But what will you do when the inevitable arena death-matches come? So much easier to just pick a side NOW. o_O

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats a hard question.
    i have been here so long that Mike and Rich are my first loves.
    but Jay is sexy…
    dont make me chose!

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    lets not forget magic mike who’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that was right in the middle of the final battle of the GIF wars… just days before the Great Media Ban.
    i tried to warn her.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    But can a groupie truly love a beast Jabba disney-eyes-plumber…? When God and detached-beard-of-God are on either side?

  • omitted

    The Hole Trinity.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Shup up Hephaestus! You’re oogoly…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    as a traumatized survivor of the catholic school system, i can say the idea of a holy trinity that is one being called RLM is not a stretch.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats what i said!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Harpy!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I like to make our local mythology as convoluted and scattershotly-referentlial as possible. A simple Biblical parallel will never do (though that is the pillar of our belief system).

  • omitted

    Would our one true God Rich Evans really go back to his Old Testicular ways and not allow my love for Jaysus to flourish?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so say we all.

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    *back side

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Jay will continue to go brighter and groom himself to excess, leading to his eventual fall from grace.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it says, In the Book of Genysis chapter 69: And he who has no name(Lit:”Name Omitted”) shalt inherit the Jay.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    *bonks Jaws on the nose* No! No! Bad sharkdog!

  • omitted

    So Jay is Lucifer now? No wonder every time I look at him all I can think of are sinful things!

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    hey fine by me i dont mind a good bonking

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Yes, I have just had this Revelation. Jay is Lucifer…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Lucifer is the morning star…. VENUS!
    its a TRAP!!! Jenny tricked us again!

  • omitted

    Lujayfer*

  • omitted

    But… but I was supposed to be immune to the minge hypnosis. How could this be?!

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    she’s the devil in disguise

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    This is what I get for sending you to the cheap obedience classes… ><

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    woof 😛

  • Andrew Thompson.

    She made you think with your dick…. its how women secretly rule the world.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Who me? 0:o

  • Andrew Thompson.

    use a choke chain… or is that just me?….

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    who indeed ;p

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You really crammed that one in there hard. Use lube next time.

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    now that does sound like my ex wife

  • omitted

    Two mouths! She’s the Succubus!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Wha? You didn’t even back it up with any number bullduck! Unconvincing!

  • omitted

    I’ve heard Jay likes it rough…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was pretending she wasnt Jenny…”
    i may be paraphrasing…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Perhaps you are more bi than you can possibly imagine… *cackle cackle cackle* Come to the dark side, Omy. It is just like returning to your mother’s wombspace…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that wont stand up in court.

  • omitted

    Speaking from experience?

  • omitted

    NO! There is never enough oxygen…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i didnt want to use this….
    but we all need a Nuclear Deterant.

    https://youtu.be/gFcdkDH7BcQ

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    One was supposed to be a halo. Stupid non-cooperative font. *chucks shrunken halo into the wastebin*

  • omitted

    There hasn’t been any blood flow to my brains in years…

  • omitted

    Didn’t fool me for a second!

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan

    *Bi

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sooooo… this conversation really took on a ferocious life of its own, huh??

  • Jaws Takes Manhattan
  • Andrew Thompson.

    i stood up in court and was told to sit down.
    a full list of my charges are available from the Victorian Police Force.
    http://www.nextcar.com.au/i.holden.VE.police.vic.r.07apr.jpg

  • omitted

    Too bad Pa wasn’t here to rein us in…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i too have a large penis requiring more blood than my brain can spare.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    He would have just gently watched us, while stroking his kneecaps with his forefinger. (Old perv)

  • omitted

    Don’t I still feel know it, big boy!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Ma Kettle was here earlier. shhh its a secret.

  • omitted

    Need a cigarette, hun?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    if only Tapy was here as well. it would have been 200 comments by now.

  • omitted

    He’s too busy either eating prissy little pastries or sleeping with his dog…

  • Jaws She Wrote

    rather he stroked mine

  • Andrew Thompson.

    DUDE! seriously! a female canine is a bitch… dont be rude.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you would.

  • Jaws She Wrote

    Welcome to the Manhole where the men are men are the women are too

  • omitted

    soon?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Ha~

  • Andrew Thompson.

    No women here Squire….

    https://youtu.be/R_hlMK7tCks

  • Jaws She Wrote

    come and join the conga line andrew as usual is leading the way

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m like rodney dangerfield… but thinner and not as creepy.

    https://youtu.be/XXq2rsaOxWQ

  • Jaws Will Survive

    good movie that

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it was from the last great age of Film Making.
    soon a new ‘New Wave’ “independent” ‘Alternative’ film movement will rise from the ashes of the BlockBuster MichaleBay ShitFest.

  • Jaws Will Survive

    we can only hope bro, we can only hope

  • Andrew Thompson.

    look, lets face it Film is deader than books…
    get on the TV bandwagon or be left behind.

    https://youtu.be/mfUxpTSnq4o

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    dude unless youve actually seen Left Behind, youre not allowed to invoke it, yeah its THAT bad

  • I’ve never seen it but one of my kooky, apocalypse loving tutors at University is absolutely in love with the concept.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    NOPE! i have seen “Left Behind” it was network broadcast back in the day.

  • My ex wife

    I’ve never said that! I’ve ruined all 5 of my moments myself.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Rapture-Palooza is better.

    https://youtu.be/9oaS_N1zsqo

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    lol its a decent enough concept, probably could make a somewhat good movie, but not with Cage or the other guy kirk cameron, who is worse, is anybodies guess really

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    hehe nice

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    that could work thats the tone it should have been really

  • My ex wife

    For she is the kwisatz haderach.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    better than this shit…

    https://youtu.be/ILnE7dEhCcc

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    yup agreed, i might have to look for that movie rapture palooza felt more organic to me

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    oh and james franco sux my ass

  • Andrew Thompson.

    do it. and for a better love story than twilight check out ‘Warm Bodies.’

    http://redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-bag-warm-bodies-and-movie-43/

  • Andrew Thompson.

    well he sux a lot of arse….

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    yah good show that, shame about the hackery though

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    remember them old carnts from the muppet show who sat in the peanut gallery and gave everybody shit, thats gonna be mike and jay in like 50 years, beaker is rich of course

  • I have just the thing for the guys to get the chronology of Fast and Furious right. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxJgP0C5RVk

  • Andrew Thompson.

    who was beakers boss? dont google or its cheating.

  • Like Icare

    There are books, movies, comics, video games…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSnm9cYkV2I

    All it lacks is action figures.
    I hope that when they finally do make them, they “arm” Kirk Cameron’s with a jar o’ peanut, banana and a plush crocoduck.
    Possibly a giant candy cane too.

    I just love it how he sees himself as Christmas Jesus.
    http://cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Kirk-Cameron-in-Saving-Christmas.png

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Dr Bunsen Honeydew. to slow.

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    ahh thats right, good show that, Dr Bob is wizard, jack is his side kick nurse, whatever her name was

  • Like Icare

    It’s not the actors… it’s the crazy in the original material from which they can not allow themselves to stray.

    And probably, don’t want to.

  • Who the fuck is LB games?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Ratchet?

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    oh god dont remind me lol

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    yes even better lol

  • Jaws Likes It Hot

    mu hahah ahaha sweet

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its about now we all need a fork in the brain.

    https://youtu.be/jCkl-Vgc4-I

  • Dallas Jawsboys

    Mike Statler & Jay Waldorf

  • omitted

    That is why you should never let a woman speak…

  • omitted

    I love that whether it’s sweet talking ladies as Matt Murdock or beating the information out of scumbags as Daredevil, he uses the exact same gentle tone of voice. I want Charlie’s cock Cox!

  • Bubs

    I figured I would finish up where we left off down below because I’m too lazy to scroll.

    On the twelfth year of boyhood my true love gave to me,

    Twelve years to make,
    Eleven weeks of filming
    Ten bad reviews
    Nine Bad Kid Actors
    Eight Oscar noms,
    Seven Oscar losses,
    Six pop culture references
    Five Emo Teens!
    Four drunk husbands
    Three boring hours
    Two cringing scenes,
    and boredom~all through act three

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Trapper Jaws M.D.

    haha old coots

  • Beautiful. Give this man a pizza roll!

  • Tell me it’s just a parody of a trailer like Zookeeper and not an actual movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqwDB7N6ujA&feature=youtu.be

  • Trapper Jaws M.D.

    give him 12 pizza rolls one for each year

  • Andrew Thompson.

    meh i could do that for $50,000 US.
    all you need is a good camera, 5 shitbox cars resprayed to look cool, 20 totally fucked cars to crash, some strippers and some roid rage guys from a gym… oh wait they already made Furious 7… my bad.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    some of those pizza rolls belong to Wizard Phoenix.

  • Trapper Jaws M.D.

    well give him 12 too, just in case there’s a sequel, and we all know thats a possibility

  • Andrew Thompson.

    welcome home Ma. we missed you.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    @disqus_xYONdDQI0r:disqus come home foxxy… we miss you.

  • Trapper Jaws M.D.

    the dance was almost funny lets say it looks marginally better than the other crud they put out, which is a bit like sayin aids is better than ebola

  • andypants1989

    I’ve got to be honest. I’m not on the Fast and Furious bandwagon. I remember watching the original movie when torrenting first became a thing people did in eighth grade. It was one of the first movies that people downloaded and shared around because it was one of the first movies to have a good pirated version online before it’s theatrical release. All my friends raved about it, but when I finally watched it I thought it was mildly entertaining, but extremely poorly written. Then I saw that first sequel, which was at the time, the worst movie I had seen in my life and swore off the franchise. It baffles me how something so cheesy and terrible could have gotten good since then and the idea of getting caught up with the storyline just seems exhausting to me.

  • omitted

    Maybe it would help to dangle my some meat outside?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Not intending to get into it with you, since we’re all entitled, but the “gender politics” thing you mention, it could be argued, is essential to the script’s premise that sexual callousness and lots of partners is the thing that will protect you. It wasn’t about, “she should’ve laid the nice guy but girls always go for the slimy greaseball.” That would’ve been like purposefully giving your best friend the clap. It was about passing it on to the most experienced of the group, which played out in the length of time before It caught up with him. I’m not saying it’s a brilliant premise, but for the purpose of the story they wanted to tell it seemed appropriate.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i had AIDSbola but i gave it away… thats how IT works isnt it?
    Wait why are my nipples bleeding?….

  • Trapper Jaws M.D.

    young ppl love throw away crap like carmorphers so they can prove how superficial and stupid they are to their buddies and its an excuse to wear sleeveless shirts just like vinny its always been like that only its hypercharged now where the more crap it is the better but hey the car makers/ toy makers are loving the exposure they get when the even younger brothers that look up to those dunderheaded jock cocksuckers who buy em by the truck load, its just plastic craptastic just like vin disiel’s head

  • Caustic Vapors

    Spoilers but when he starts fighting Statham in that baggy white thermal- I was like, okay, the Rock, who’s build like the Hulk doesn’t beat him, and now, pudgy mush mouth will? LOL!

  • Jawstopus vs Sharkaranus-rex

    thats a sure fire way to know youve been at the manhole again

  • Jawstopus vs Sharkaranus-rex
  • Jawstopus vs Sharkaranus-rex

    Today’s episode of Half in the Bag is brought to you by ”Ivory Snow”. Every girl feels like a story book princess when she shows off her trousseau – delicate lingerie, lovely linens, romantic little breakfast frocks, and a blanket that’s a dream of beauty. And princesses know how to take care of their lovely things. Now married in her own little castle, she washed them by machine with, uh ah no not with that wash-day detergent, nice laundry deserves the safest possible soap. That’s right, Ivory Snow – it’s the only soap both ivory safe and granulated to get things really clean, gently clean, leaves blankets far softer and fluffier than wash-day detergents, pampers pretty colors too. So whether your trousseau is still in the honeymoon stage, or has seen many wash-days go by, get it gentle clean in the machine, with wonderful Ivory Snow, mmm so gentle.

  • Palpatine

    Is it Christmastime already?

  • Robby

    FIRST FOUR EPISODES OF GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5 LEAKED ONLINE BRB ORGASMING FOR FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT

  • Palpatine
  • Guus van Voorst

    Half out the Bag obviously… 😛

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s funny how they’re now making parodies of movies that aren’t trying to be taken seriously in the first place.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    A true fan would wait to watch it in proper quality;)

  • Robby

    Don’t judge me. I’ll drop you like third period French.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Flawislaw.

  • bb-15

    I’ve only seen the trailers for the Fast and Furious movies (hard to miss if you see a lot of films in a theater) and they all looked like a joke (mixed in with car stunts) made by people who know it’s all a joke.
    – But I saw no need to spend 2 1/2 hours watching that.
    And RLM (especially Jay) basically feels the same way.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m desperately trying to find the innuendo… I’m sure it’s there somewhere…

  • Palpatine
  • WrongWithYourFace

    Not sure about the Bane impression, but the Chewie in the end was spot on.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Of course!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    My guess would be the Blu-Ray version. AKA, the worstsion. Eh-he… he.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Chorus-cunt?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Luckily dubbing is not something they do here, so I always knew how it was pronounced. But I still call them “Yedi” when talking to fellow omittians because I sure as hell am not gonna pronounce it in English when I’m not talking English.

  • Servoret

    Knowing that the movie was written by a guy, it read to me like a male fantasy being played out with that character and I just had a visceral reaction to it. I’m not saying that that was part of some intentional message on the part of the filmmakers, more that it was an unconscious bias that I was disappointed to see in a movie that’s being touted elsewhere as this great feminist masterwork.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *listening

  • Miroslav

    Can I watch it also on my tablet or do I need specifically an iPad?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m sure omitted would prefer Jay’s lap ride.

  • omitted

    Sorry, sometimes even I slip up and give a genuine opinion. Again, I apologize.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    This comment is now forever to be found via google. Try it out. It’s amazing!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Bat puns?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That fancy VHS animation… 🙂

  • Palpatine

    Maybe that’s why it took so long for this episode to come out.

  • Trask

    A true fan would wait to download it in proper quality

    Ftfy

  • On the mantelpiece, next to the priceless China. And Luke Skywalker’s “original” hand. I assume you found it on your way down?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5o6Lj0Eyhg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Where has it been touted as “great feminist masterwork”? That’s obviously hogwash from the minute a girl runs out of her house in her shortest shorts, and that happens before the first title. I’m with you there.

    I’ve only heard it champed as an effective creepshow. I think it is that. You thought it wasn’t. Let’s not drag in the feminists, any more than our own male insecurities over nice guys being downgraded next to greasy hunks.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But it’s not bootlegged like Backstroke of The West

  • Only if you convert it to your tablet via tape transfer.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Howdy, Pa!

    I’m nearly done ‘The Last Take’. Basically what the group and I are doing now is making it polished. It will be colour graded, we’re make better audio, we’ll reshoot a few takes to make the story better, and some other minor things.

    Once we’ve got a finished film, that’s when we can print the DVD and send the perks off to people [which means you]. 🙂

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Don’t turn your back on those blu-ray Ewoks!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Welcome to The Suck!

  • They probably added it to avoid ContentID… they missed a few clips from the film, however.

  • Palpatine

    Mr. speaker, we are for the big

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m generally not. Blood doesn’t bother me, but odd little things like eyes getting poked or sliced and hang nails being ripped back along the finger [I’m looking at you, Black Swan] make me cringe.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    5K*

    We ain’t no n00bs.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Flaw Fillial Films? 😉

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Pull your pants down, Robby. It’s time for a hairbrush spanking!

  • Servoret

    Obviously I’m being a little sarcastic, but there’s been a lot of fluff pieces out about Maika Monroe being a feminist scream queen on the basis of her starring in this and The Guest. That’s not entirely why I saw It Follows, but I was hoping for something a little smarter than what I got.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Did you really just have an earthquake while typing this?

    Anyway, I burst out laughing at certain parts of this.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yes, but he’s gracious enough to not get it in my eyes.

  • Robby

    I don’t know what that is, but it sounds kinky. So I’m on board with that. Don’t be gentle pls.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Section ratio general

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Tit Follows?

    I’m okay with that.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    From Blip to YouTube? That was quick.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Can you imagine being followed by a giant tit?

  • It. It follows. It came. It swallows. It sleeps. It leaves.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    In a….blink?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    0:31

    Wow. Did they edit that using Windows Movie Maker?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yes.

  • Can you imagine BEING a giant tit? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Breast

  • omitted

    I’m a gentleman and a scholar 😉

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Act three? It sets in earlier than that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “What are you driving?”
    “A car”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It follows.
    It came.
    It conquered.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    2 Soon 2 Men

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    When does your EP hit?

  • omitted

    Crap diem?

  • DanceOfBirther
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That low? Wow, you’re a cheap whore.

    *Secretly gets private room with you.*

  • Like Icare
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    You didn’t drop the mic. You’re supposed to drop the mic.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That parody of Fast and Furious I thought was a joke, and there fore I laughed at it. I was wrong so horribly wrong. The fuckers who make those things, because they’re not movies, deserve to die.

  • omitted

    Oh hi, Tapey! We definitely were NOT speaking shit about you behind your back, no siree!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    wat

  • Palpatine

    Do what must be done. Do not hesitate, show no mercy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Easiest thing to masturbate to all week.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes, master.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I concur. wat

  • omitted

    That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time, thank you!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Dude, Padme only dies because you give in to the Dark Side. You’re making your own visions come true.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You mean Richmas?

    https://youtu.be/eCrdWZaqtyQ

  • omitted

    2 men, 1 soon

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wait she doesn’t die because of some sort of infection or disease or maybe someone killing her? Holy shit, what have I done? I killed Samuel L. Jackson for this shit. Who’s gonna play Nick Fury in The Avengers movie?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Anybody here saw Real Human Bean’s[Ryan Gosling]directorial/screenwritting debut-Lost River? Baby face G is channelling his mentor Refn alongside Lynch and Malick.The quality of the results is debatable but at least it makes up for an interesting conversation.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    SLJ never dies. Didn’t you see Captain America: The Winter Soldier?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It involves lots of people
    It pays some of the bills
    It fucking sucks

  • In a good way?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ehhhhhh that’s up for you to decide.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s right. The only time Marvel let’s people die is if Vincent D’onofrio pummels a guy’s head in with a car door.

  • Palpatine

    But I threw him out a Windu window using my lightning powers that sent him falling thousands of stories to the ground.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I wish I had the energy or will to be mad

  • Definitely, the breast best Woody Allen has got to offer.

  • Judging by the trailer, your description is quite accurate. I’ll have to remember and see for myself, I guess.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Slow meditation with occasional bursts of violence? I am too lazy to look it up.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Eh, I read it. I heard worse about myself

  • Palpatine

    So apparently Spiderman is getting another reboot. And guess what? It’s not going to be another origin story! Um, cool?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I woudn’t call it slow but yes it’s got it’s fair share of good ol ultraviolence bursts.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Under Marvel, right? So they can do Civil War. Woo.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Spiders can have civil wars? Man I need to watch Animal Planet more.

  • Palpatine

    That’s right, thank God. So that officaly means Spiderman will feel more like a comic book movie, rather than another Dark Knight remake.

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Can’t say I am hyped, but I was never a big Spidey fan anyway. I am glad they can now maybe use him properly and mix him in with the rest.

  • Its_So_Dense

    You’re givin’ me excitations…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    It’s weird, F&F movies are made for teenage boys, but I am probably much more likely to wanna watch it than my teen self would. That fucker read actual books and shit.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    His lightsaber also fell.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You mean wannabe. They really wanted that reboot series to be The Dark Knight, only the Dark Knight in my opinion and others was a very great film.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You, like, read comics or sumthin’?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    I used to quite a lot, not anymore. I totally would, but then I would not do much of anything else.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But he’s still in high school. To that I say that’s a bad idea. In a universe that has evil organizations that spawned from Nazi Germany, evil robots with god complexes, Norse gods, and Vincent D’onofrio smashing a guy’s head in with a car door I think it’s stupid to make him a teen in high school.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yeah, it’s either comics or RLM comments that take up all your time. Everyone has to make that decision in their lives and it’s a tough one.

  • Palpatine

    Do you mean the Dark Knight trilogy or the Amazing Spiderman films?

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    Exactly

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Dark Knight Trilogy in my humble and honest opinion was great. The Amazing Spiderman movies got worse and there was only two of them.

  • Its_So_Dense

    You’re thinking of “Tomorrow Never Wags the Dog”, starring Dustin Brosnan. Most people get Psy-Ops and Spy-Ops confused.

  • omitted

    Another Sunday spent in my underwear at the computer. Should I be proud or ashamed?

  • Maybe it’s the only way they can ‘explain’ why he hasn’t joined the Avengers yet.

  • They were OK, but seriously, Bane was a weak antagonist, to be honest, I didn’t enjoy the third film.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Then why hasn’t he teamed up with Daredevil or Jessica Jones yet?

  • Palpatine

    I agree with you. The Dark Knight trilogy is a really great, albeit overrated, series of films, despite their flaws.

  • Who? Aren’t those non-canon until they reboot them?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No, they have a Netflix series now that ties in with the MCU.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Do you agree with me that The Amazing Spiderman films suck and only existed to make money off the superhero genre and the name of Spiderman?

  • Oh? I don’t have Netflix, it’s unavailable in my country. Well, Sony (Oscorp) must have been keeping him under lock up.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Maybe it’s because now you loves the ending of Blood Debts and wants to see an entire film like that.

  • Palpatine

    I saw the first Amazing Spiderman movie in the theaters and forgot everything about it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I can tell you….they told the origin story again and uh…they wanted to be The Dark Knight

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why’s that? Are you a china man or something where everything is banned?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I have balanced my decision by limiting myself to carefully picked Batman graphic novels.

  • Earth

    Thanks to RLM, I can now get a kick out of tons of movies I would’ve originally avoided for schlock and low/bad production values.

  • Palpatine

    The only thing about the plot I remember is that some guy with one arm turned into a giant version of the GEICO Gecko and tried to destroy the city by putting some thing on top of the Empire State Building in order to turn everyone into GEICO Gecko’s and some guy called Spiderman tried to stop him.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I actually think Bane is one of the best thing about TDKR.It’s the script and some very questionable choices in direction/editing that made it so much more inferior to BB and TDK.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I remember Uncle Ben dying but that’s because they did that in the original film.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Even though he isn’t even the antagonist because of a stupid twist baddie with the worst death scene ever.

  • Palpatine
  • WrongWithYourFace

    You’re talking about the 5 seconds on the bomb thing, yes? Yes?

    And the villains are the best part about the trilogy. Some people complain about the lack of Batman in TDKR, but seriously, who wants to see Baleman?

  • It’s still unavailable in the land of Poles but it’s coming, I hear. It won’t catch on, I’m pretty sure, though.

  • Palpatine

    I’ll be honest, Batbale is one of the weaker aspects of the TDK trilogy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh I’m so sorry for being racist.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    He’s a great Bruce Wayne tho.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    She took a nap on set and Nollan just rolled with it.

    B R A V O N O L A N !!!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Can AssChin make a good Batman? I say yes he can.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, then. You’ll cringe, but only a little.

  • Like Icare

    Hey, at least you get the monopoly on all the penguins and polar bears.

  • Like Icare

    Quite.

  • Like Icare

    One word: Cranes.

  • Like Icare

    Wasn’t there a flood in the basement and their washing machine breaking? I seem to remember a flood in the basement.

  • Like Icare

    Wait… Can’t Jedi just glide down to one of those thousands of flying cars speeders piloted by aliens saying “What da?!”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdSUKIFnYc8

    BTW, “What da?!” was a direct input from Lucas.
    The reasoning went something like “It’s a great line. You can hear it many movies.”

    I’m not joking.
    It’s right there in one of the making of Episode 2 documentaries.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=FM_V9dqtBug#t=1098

    Artistic genius at work there folks.

    Les auteur as they say in Frenchlandia.

  • Like Icare

    But how else is the audience gonna relate to the main character unless it is the same age as the target audience?

    You know…

    Like the way Lucas made the main character in Episode 1 a little kid cause that movie was made for little kids.


    There’s an argument in there somewhere, I’m sure.

  • Palpatine

    The Phantom Menace had a main character?

  • He’ll be the Roger Moore of Bruce Wayne’s (the charming one, although I might have to rethink this one, he might be the Lazenby for all I know). I’m not sure how he’ll perform as Batman. Daredevil was terrible.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He’s…stoic?

  • Jaws Against the Machine

    people hear actually wear pants?

  • Palpatine

    But Spidey’s got to be a hip, skate boardin’ high school kid!

  • Thanatos2k

    How many reboots can a series have?

    If you count the various cartoon series…….

  • Jaws Against the Machine

    just like huey lewis and the news said, its hip to be an arachnid

  • Now I Get It

    I used to go cold turkey. Now I just wean, by treating the comments like a song in my head that’s gone on too long. The only way out is to replace it with another song (website). From there, I’m back to reading these non-comment things called books.

  • Oh my, did they know it’s going to be a disaster? “I want to see how dense it is”. https://youtu.be/FM_V9dqtBug?t=11m27s

  • Thanatos2k

    If they had 152 crew workers and a blue screen, Mike could sit in the chair and forget to say action and cut like the best of them.

  • Palpatine
  • Pure talent.

  • Thanatos2k

    But what happens when EVERYONE in the chain is then dead, which will eventually happen?

  • Thanatos2k

    It’s sad that you’ve gotten typecast. Your acting career is over.

  • Honey I Shrunk Jaws

    totes bro

  • Now I Get It

    Cruel to be kind. If the kids don’t leave the yard when she chases them, the mother has to bite them to death. Or it might be a timeshare and someone left a wet towel on the bed. Depends on the season.

  • Honey I Shrunk Jaws

    ironically it was jar jar who knew

  • Thanatos2k

    It keeps crashing.

    (Too soon?)

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    They’re not reboots any more. They are now called re-pre-sequels.

    It makes total sense.

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    *pre-recquels

  • I’m racist and even I was offended.

  • Red Skeleton

    What? it’s not footage of them gaming like we see in Pre-rec?

  • Clint Page

    Obviously the next Fast and Furious sequel will be titled “InFury8D”.

  • Red Skeleton

    You know, I hate to be, I dunno, pedantic. A nitpicker… but the title card for this episode really sucks. It’s just… Plinkett. Sitting. Like he always does.

  • Red Skeleton

    Furi8ted.

  • DanceOfBirther

    Yes, Palpatine provides us with new pantaloons after we shit the old ones.

  • DanceOfBirther

    I saw a movie made by the same company, does that count? It starres Judd Nelson.
    http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0291850/?ref_=m_nmfmd_act_58

  • DanceOfBirther
  • DanceOfBirther

    Like when TiVo tried to license DVRs in UK, maybe.

  • DanceOfBirther

    I wonder if Peter Jackson saw BlooDebts.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FkX3pD8xL8Y

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    HEY PAUL!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I thought you listened to comics.

    They stand up on the stage and tell jokes.

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    lol that looks like a winner

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    are you calling me a beatle ;p

  • Palpatine

    peter jackson, age 45, gave
    himself up to the authorities
    after the incident. he is now
    serving a life sentence.

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    *shitting

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    best one yet

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    very nice

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    hehe art imitating life or something

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m quoting American Psycho.

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    oh ok for a mintue there i thought you were an american psycho 🙂

  • Palpatine

    He’s a Canadian psycho.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I was about to type that.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Shit …

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Good enough for me.

  • Palpatine

    This time we take him together. You go in slowly on the left.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s pretty funny.

    Hey, I can see my house from that map!

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    the last time i heard that i was being hit on at the manhole by this creepy old guy in a black robe

  • Palpatine

    That must have Voldemort.

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    hehe yeah, he was telling me all about the chamber of secrets

  • DanceOfBirther

    The trailer makes it look better than it actually is.

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    cool

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    jesus.. lol

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    that poor editor shot himself not long after the movie premiered

  • Jawsdemic: Shlock & Terrorble

    Today’s episode of Half in the Bag is proudly brought to you by ”Miller”. When the only sound is the frozen silence of winter, you go to work, throwing mountains of snow back into the sky, and when the track becomes a railroad again, it’s Miller time – time to head for the best tasting beer you can find, Miller High Life. ♩ ♪ ♫ If you got the time, we’ve got the beer, Miller Beer♩ ♪ ♫

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Jason Ross

    Furious 7 took 12 hours to make.

  • imc440

    I think the move with It Follows is the girl has sex with a trucker. Just go to a truck stop. Now that slow ass ghost is walking after the new guy while he’s halfway to Oakland. By the time they make it 50 miles that trucker is on his way to Phoenix. And he’ll probably have had sex with 40 different hookers. That ghost is going to get so backlogged the girl wouldn’t see it for another 3,000 years.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So on reddit Boyhood defenders apparently not only hate RedLetterMedia but also us.

  • Palpatine

    Good. Let the hate flow through them.

  • mrsleep

    Friends of the road, buddy, friends of the road.

  • Bubs

    Redletter Media cost Boyhood 1 2 3 7 oscars. RLM tricked everyone into thinking Boyhood wasn’t a masterpiece of flawlessness, when it was clearly a flawsterpiece of masterfulness. Thank Linklater their voodoo hex had begun to wear off in time for Patricia Arquette to win her oscar.

    Did I mention Boyhood took 12 years to make?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yay!

  • dejectedchuckle

    Can’t speak for reddit cause I don’t go there. But as someone who likes RLM and liked Boyhood, seeing the “DID YOU KNOW IT TOOK 12 YEARS TO MAKE!?!!1” me-me and its variations all over the comments of various RLM videos (or other vids talking about boyhood) can get annoying.

    Not hate-worthy, but annoying.

  • Matt Reasor

    In It Follows, i think they explain that if the ghost kills someone, it then follows the previous person again until it gets back to the original target. Don’t know what happens then but oh well. Also i don’t think the film took place in present day, just the vibe i got from the oldass tvs and decorations and whatnot. Not sure wtf that shell gadget was though. A refreshing horror movie on the whole! Totally agree with you guys.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    meh got that beat.
    https://youtu.be/WA1h9h7-_Z4

  • Joe Syxpac

    Are you getting off in your pantaloons again?

  • Joe Syxpac

    No, that’s Jay’s Lapdance ride.

  • Joe Syxpac

    What’s a reddit?

  • Joe Syxpac

    No, they’re called FUCK YOU AUDIENCE!

  • Joe Syxpac

    That’s because he’s not fast, furious, or worried about being followed.

  • Red Skeleton

    That’s because he’s an old man, on prozac, who probably just shat himself.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    March 23rd, 4423, dawg! Be sure to buy it on Day 1!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats when mommy and daddy are loving each other verry much somewhere else…. so little johnny is on line telling everyone his idea for a new spiderman movie and looking at beewbs.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    This too shall pass. And so it has.

  • Red Skeleton

    You want this…. don’t you?
    http://www.x17online.com/media/images/2015/01/oscar.jpg

    The hate is swelling in you now…

  • TapewormPennyFarthing

    What’s wrong with your 12 years, Jay!

  • andypants1989

    I used to read pretentious crappy books by prestigious authors and pretend that I liked them so I would seem smart. Now I read Stephen King and enjoy it a lot more.

  • Red Skeleton

    So you’re still reading the same books…? Or is pretentious crappy books a different subset to pretentious horror books?

  • Red Skeleton

    Reddit? Damn near killed it!

  • Sharky Shark & the Jawsy Bunch

    ahh classic that’s a manly mans beer that

  • andypants1989

    I honestly think they should just bring Tobey Mcquire back if Spidey ever cameos in an Avengers movie and just act like the Andrew Garfield movies and Spiderman 3 never happened.

    Tony Stark: Hey, you’re the spider kid right? I heard you tried to put a stop to Doctor Octavias when he had his little episode shortly before the battle of New York. You know I always had my doubts about that guy. Speaking of, we could’ve used a little help with that.

    Spidey: You should have called! I slept through the whole thing!

  • Sharky Shark & the Jawsy Bunch

    like a kidney stone

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    what did the us ever do to them

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    beewbs, well that gets my vote, beewbs for president 2015

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    *cried through the whole thing

  • Like Icare

    Aaaw come oooon… It takes longer than that to destroy 230 cars.

    And though I don’t plan to watch it, you gotta give them credit that they did really drop cars out of a plane to film that car-skyd(r)iving scene – instead of filming it somewhere in a warehouse with a green screen and some tennis balls.

  • andypants1989

    The first one: Good writing, bad pacing, uninspiring action scenes. B. Salvaged by strong characterisation, consistent tone and originality.

    The second one: Good writing, break-neck pacing, good action scenes. A-. Some points removed for being a little overstuffed.

    The third one: Poor writing, mixed pacing, ok action scenes. C+. Just redeemed by some interesting concepts, but they don’t fully coalesce and they fail to make up for the films plot-holes.

    Series as a whole: Great performances, good concepts, mostly clever dialogue, B.

    Overall it’s a mixed, but generally good trilogy of films.

  • Like Icare

    It’s reboots all the way down.

  • Like Icare

    Hey! That’s funny…

    Cause there’s a Huey Lewis and the News song playing when another hip, skate boardin’ high school kid makes the intro.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yGZ2fQfM-A

  • Andrew Thompson.

    You made me think of Clinton’s BREASTS!. and it was BILLS!
    fuck you.

  • andypants1989

    Nah, I’m talking about authors like Satre, Tolstoy and Balzac. The only one of these old timey intellectual writers I enjoyed was Dostoevsky, the rest are all hack-frauds.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i love ballsack.

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    nice one, didn’t even think of that, good movie too and song, we dont make movies like that anymore

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    you would

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    im a bad bad man

  • Andrew Thompson.

    said your mum!

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    Your’s mum was a barbarian i wouldn’t put it past her

  • Andrew Thompson.

    now thats logic. well done sirmam, well done.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no, my mums a pagan you racist!

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    i feel so dirty

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Unless they’re a bad comic. Then you can read them like an open book.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yeah, but the correct way to using them is to leave them on in the background while doing something else. Especially if Jay is there; They don’t talk much about the games.

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    ahhhh it’s time to relax and you what that means, glass of wine, your favorite easy chair, and of course Half in the Bag playing on your very own personal computer, so go on and indulge yourself, that’s right, kick off your shoes, put your feet up, take your pants off and just enjoy the comedies, because after all, Mike and Jay and the other guy Rich or something, soothe even the savage beasts

  • Andrew Thompson.

    meh for Offspring… this is better.

    https://youtu.be/PfH263OAG0A

  • Andrew Thompson.

    just a warning i intend to shape all my answers to post different versions of this song…. for the evils. i mean laughs… whatever.

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    man that was good yup good times DK rule

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so do the Prodigy. https://youtu.be/bHNkDM8YmFQ

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    sort of soundtrack i’d use if i was gonna make a mad max sequel, hey for all i know they might very well do that

  • Andrew Thompson.

    amen. and some NiN.

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    indeed

  • Red Skeleton

    Oh, well yeah.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    unfortunately the flame throwing guitar in the trailer is way more.

    https://youtu.be/MfmYCM4CS8o

    i’m O.K with that…

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    nothin wrong in that, bon jon back in the day rocked, but as far as the actual sequel goes.. the lead actor is my problem, but hey ya cant replace mel gibson, or bon jon not even bon jon can pull that shit off anymore, everything sux now we know this, ahh im gonna go cry in my beer,

  • DarkFluffy

    the joke for me is that the “boyhood” formular isn’t even new…documentariy projects for a period for 30 years or more where produced. Showing kids in school, growing up and how they have mastered their lifes. Sometimes I’m wondering if Hollywood is behind the moon…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you can get it watching a trailer.
    you can get it from Hollywoulds failure.
    you can get it downloading Game of Thrones.
    as a matter a fact i have a bone.
    For a hard earned thirst suck Vic, Vic Boner!

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    but it does look better than vinny and the boys, i dont think i could actually walk into a theater playin fast n the furious, but mad max, pretty hard to fuck that up, we’ll see…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    we can only hope.

  • andypants1989

    I wouldn’t put it past her either! I’d put it in her! By ‘it’ I mean my penis! Am I doing this correctly?!

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    thats a dam good start lol not bad for a machine man there data

  • Jaws 15 – You Must be Jawking

    wait.. haaaaaaaaaaa haha you liked boyhood, haha ahhh hahaha yeah that says it all really

  • Andrew Thompson.

    for the next week if the Australians you meet punch you in the face and shove a flag up your arse… there is a reason.

    https://youtu.be/Q0U0Iy9Oy3I

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Uhhh what?

  • Jawsless in Seattle
  • tOmy`

    The trip is over. Final tally: Denmark is like a city fighting it’s depression with LSD. They do have Christiania, tho, which may be heaven on Earth. Stockholm is basically a richer Prague.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    dont start an 80’s war. its M.A.D.
    and fuck Lord of the Rings…
    https://youtu.be/p7dm_nbjNjE
    these things are real horses… but NZ dosent have that many.

  • tOmy`

    How come? We are such lovable psychos!

  • Jawsless in Seattle

    lord of the rings is hit and miss, i really liked about exactly half of it,,but peter jacksons hobbit, can lick my nuts, that shit could be one of the worst adaptations i have ever seen, the book is great, the trollogy was fucking terrible

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no offence but… that took ages!
    i have done Brisbane to Melbourne in 2 days.
    its like the Kessel run but more fun.

    https://youtu.be/-T30cYxqxtg

  • Andrew Thompson.

    screen writing 101. 300 pages does not equal 9 hours.

  • Jawsless in Seattle

    the only thing worse is peter jackson’s king kong like THAT movie needed to be remade, talk about a sore ass jesus that movie never ended, i was clean shaven at the start and i walked out looking like santa clause, fuck you peter jackson, you owe me an asshole

  • Andrew Thompson.

    all Peter needs is….

    https://youtu.be/_z–E9OeuJE

  • omitted

    Your trip may be over, but our voyage has just begun…

  • Punkster

    In hospital bud, no webzones for updates.

    We Stalkers have to go to the hospital quite often these days, surprisingly not many people seem too keen on finding me searching through their belongings or sniffing their laundry as it dries on the washing line.

    No appreciation for *S.H.I.T.E.B.A.G.S International these days, none what so ever… What has this world become!?

    Anyway, how are you? Did Jay ever open up your gift or is that a sore issue? (Not a euphemism.)

    *Stalkers Hiding In Trees Ejaculating Beyond All Government Screening International.

    (Two days and that is the best I’ve came up with… I apologise)

  • Jawsless in Seattle

    indeed sir, they said it.. the hobbit is phantom menace bad, maybe worse, actually it is worse, because quite frankly unlike the comedic value of phantom, the hobbit is just lame…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so dont want to do a thing right now… but mike said he read the Hobbit…
    *Opening:
    Plinket remembers: “I read one book as a kid and it was the hobbit, and the movies are the most disappointing thing sense my new Diapers…. “

  • Jawsless in Seattle

    man i would love a plinkett review of the hobbit trollogy i can safely say that

  • omitted

    Sniffing laundry that’s already washed? Rookie mistake. I do hope you’re feeling better, though.

    No info yet on the fate of my parcel to Jay, I doubt it even made it to the infamous RLM shelves.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    sHHHHH! mike and jay love to smash our dreams and feast on the sweet goo within.

  • Jawsless in Seattle

    plinkett get off your lazy ass and give us what we want you hack or we’re gonna shove a pizza roll up your ass

  • Andrew Thompson.

    nice cover. pretend we are rabid fans.
    yaeah new review now!!!
    #GAMES
    #12 years boyhood…..
    I think that worked. now run for the razor wire!

  • Jawsless in Seattle

    speaking or rabids, that bunny sled thing was a step too far peter jackson, i mean hairy feet is one thing but i draw the line at bunnies, although playboy bunnies could work, ahh best of the worst RULES cant complain

  • Andrew Thompson.

    if ka faraq gatri wants to ride a bunny dont argue. that man is fire proof.

    https://youtu.be/5Pm2LQIWipw

  • A Nightmare on Jaws Street

    never underestimate a man with an umbrella

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • A Nightmare on Jaws Street

    man that chick is hot

  • Andrew Thompson.

    not as hot as Adalita Srsen. old school crush!

    https://youtu.be/XhWwlhO6TX0

  • A Nightmare on Jaws Street

    mmm meow

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Trivia question of the day: What in your opinion was the motivation behind Padame’s assassination attempts in Attack of the Clones?

  • omitted

    Both.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    Furious R5D4.

  • tOmy`

    Midichlorians.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    He needs more attitude …. Sunglasses!

  • Like Icare

    That movie actually introduced me to Huey Lewis and the News back when.

    Both his and Flea’s cameo later flew right over my head at the time.

  • Mark Bisone

    Trick question. Padme’s decoys were the real target. Boba Fett was attacking her clones.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I thought fake Padme and Boba were having a lover’s quarrel, and this is how you resolve that sort of thing on Coruscant.

  • A dog named Pedro

    Yes.

  • Jonathan Jimenez

    Mike sounds like Rain Man (Dustin Hoffman) at times.

    Kinda looks like him too.

  • Like Icare

    Raise tensions in the senate about separatist terrorists (getit?) and ensuring that Jedi will find the clone army, which is presented through all the clues left behind as a secret army that separatists were going to use against the republic.
    Thus forcing the Jedi council’s hand to seize the army (officially created in their name) and use it against the separatists, and thus creating a war.

    Whatever Jedi do at that point, separatists will be convinced that the Republic is about to wipe them out.
    Jedi seize the army – look they have a secretly built army of clones, which they have prepared decades ago in order to attack us.
    Jedi just leave the army without using it – see above.
    Jedi destroy the clones – look, they’ve prepared a secret army and now they are covering their tracks.

    As an added bonus, Jedi council officially being the ones ordering the army, and then “confirming” that by using the army – they are being set up as power hungry and plotting to take over republic.
    After all… They were planning to use that army for SOMETHING decades ago.

    That Palpatine-created conspiracy works just fine.
    Problem is that the entire Anakin issue (it IS all supposed to be about him being spacejesus) doesn’t fit into all that and relies heavily on chance.
    Even more so if Palpatine actually CAN foresee the future (thus being able to ignore the element of chance) and pull an Affleck in the Paycheck (it rhymes… because it was stylistically designed that way).

    Cause if he can foresee all the shit that happens around Anakin and Padme AND plan a pan-galactic takeover not just around but RELYING on their relationship and every single small detail in it – how the fuck did he not foresee Vader throwing him in that pit later on?

    What? He used up his foreseeing tokens?

    Or is it that the further he foresees in the future the murkier the visions get, so he could not really see that far?

    Maybe that chain lightning burned out some of his foreseeing abilities, or he got senile AND overconfident?

    Shit… that’s starting to make sense the more I ponder about it.
    If only the movie actually explained it somehow… instead of leaving it to “educated” guessing by internet assholes.

  • omitted

    Milwaukee*

  • Jonathan Jimenez

    You have to watch all of the F&F movies. HInt: Nest Half in the Bag – Fast & Furious marathon with the gang. You ‘ll have lots of laughs. But more appreciation for the style

  • Palpatine

    Well that’s obvious, isn’t it? But having assassination attempts done on her, that would make her want to stop the attacks from the Separatists and give me the power to create an army for the Republic, start an intergalactic war, and become the ultimate dictator by the end of the war.

  • Like Icare

    No, no, no… In this universe Bubba is the one who returns from Viet-Nam as a hero, meets Jenny at a Black Panther gathering and marries her, and they end up running the Bubba-Gump shrimp empire, co-named in honor of the man who brought them together.
    Some other guy comes up with “Poop happens” bumper stickers.

  • Palpatine

    Well this sure looks like the year’s best comedy:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGSxss7gWak

  • Like Icare

    With each passing comment they make themselves more our servants.

  • Jonathan Jimenez

    As a Bears fan, really enjoyed the end.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    In case anyone was wondering, I’m asking because I saw the deleted scenes from the movie, where Padmé explains to the senate that someone is trying to kill her because she has been opposing the creation of an army (and I guess is the only senator doing so). I don’t remember this being explained in any scene in the final cut of the movie. Also, I’m not sure how this army would have been created, since the only Republic soldiers we ever see are clones. Were they going to recruit regular people like later in the Empire era? How come Coruscant, the capital of the galaxy, doesn’t already have an army? Are all of Republic systems pacifist?

    And if the plan was to lead the Jedi to discover the army on Kamino by hiring Jango, who was based on there, why did Jango hire another assassin to do the dirty work? If the assassin had instead just shot Padmé through the window with a sniper rifle, Obi and Ani would have never been able to trace her or Jango back to Kamino, thus never finding the army. What then? Would Palpy have just conveniently brought up the existence of the army? Wouldn’t that raise suspicion? Why didn’t the army raise suspicion, anyway? Thinking about Star Wars really makes my head hurt.

  • Like Icare
  • Palpatine

    I swear I’ve seen that somewhere before. I think it was from a movie called Russian Terminator.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “To kill my mother” still has an awkward cut to it. Maybe it’s just for the trailer and he says something completely different in the movie, but it still reminds me of “that’s what friends are for” and it’s hilarious.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Palpatine

    I know that trailer was done as a joke, but it really raises the question; if Judgment Day was prevented, wouldn’t that mean John would have never been born since the future war never happened?

  • Like Icare

    Well… up to that point it seems that they had the practice of just sending in the Jedi to settle disputes.

    Which kinda makes sense if you think of Jedi as Richard K. Morgan’s Envoys multiplied by the factor of The Force.
    Someone makes trouble, a Jedi or two come to the planet, no more trouble.
    Greater good, keepers of the peace and all that jazz.

    As for other assassins… those are just details.
    Either Jedi discover the army on their own, or the existence of it gets leaked to the separatists.
    Dooku runs Jango. Dooku runs separatists. See above for three possible ways that it could end.

    As for suspicion… there’s no suspicion raised by an already uncovered conspiracy.
    “Good thing we discovered their plot to use the MacGuffin on us in time. Now we can use the MacGuffin to defend ourselves from them.”

    And even if the Jedi HAD figured it all out (“OH! So Dooku was planning that we find this army and use it for war.”) – separatists are still gonna go to war.

    Mere existence of the army can be a casus belli for the separatists and/or the Republic – but it will ALWAYS be a casus belli for the separatists.

    It was stylistically designed that way.

  • Like Icare

    What?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Don’t even bother. Logic in time travel stories are even more convoluted than the Star Wars prequels.

  • its called bleach

    considering a downvote for this. if the next half in the bag is even more fast and furious stuff i will kill my own self, assuming mike doesn’t kill himself halfway through tokyo drift

  • Palpatine

    Don’t get your hopes up, the next HitB won’t be for another month. Why? Because Fuck You, It’s Year!

  • its called bleach

    palpatine is the key to all this, if we get palpatine working. ’cause he’s a more manipulative character then we’ve ever had in the movies

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It must be pretty peaceful in the galaxy then, if a couple thousand Jedi are able to maintain it. Or maybe they just care about the planets with major political value, like Naboo or Coruscant.

    And yet another detail was that you’d think Dooku re-enter Kamino back into the Jedi archives in the opportune moment, so that he doesn’t have to rely on Obi-Wan having a helpful bartender for a friend.

    Now that I think of it, didn’t the Clone War begin basically because the Jedi wanted to save Annie, Obi and Padmé? You’d think they’d want to stall the beginning of the war as long as possible. That seems like a pretty big price for a politician and a couple of peace keepers.

    Funny thing about finding out that Dooku is behind the clone army, I recently watched The Clone Wars animated series and in an episode they do find out about it, from none other than Dooku himself, yet they still don’t investigate as to why the separatists would want to wage war with the Republic against an army they built for them.

  • Chris Webb

    Evil STD’s and driving cars fast version 7. Hollywood is really pumping out some winners

  • tOmy`

    “I am not a machine, I am not a man.” Uhm… what? What are you? An element?

    Also, I like the new take on the Wham noise with the Transformers vibe to it. Sounds like I need to throw up.

  • supercrotchinator

    Love the new graphic for showing movie footage, guys!

  • tOmy`

    Not to sex you up, but Justified is gonna hit the last episode in two days.

  • omitted

    JustinBieberfied*

  • Palpatine

    You like him?!

  • omitted

    Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’ve never listened to any of his songs in their entirety, at least to my recollection. Might have stumbled upon his Calvin Klein pics…

  • dejectedchuckle

    While I would agree that the Up Series “did it first” so-to-speak, I would argue that they also explicitly did not.

    There is a significant difference between making a documentary and filming a piece of fiction with actors… It’s difficult enough for “independent” productions to maintain the same actors during shooting periods but to do so over 12 years is something much harder altogether. Not to mention that it’s a much different process for the actors themselves–the subjects of the “Up” series don’t have to go into a kind of headspace and create a consistent character every few years. They just “are,” because it is a documentary. To say that Boyhood isn’t an achievement in the realm of craft of filmmaking because there is a documentary with a sort-of similar structure is disingenuous.

    RLM actually make movies and have complained in the past about how hard it is to make a single movie so the claim being asserted in their meme is baffling to me because of who RLM are and what they do.

  • Bubs

    I don’t know when you’re joking anymore. It’s a little disturbing.

  • omitted

    Just a little? Aw shucks!

  • omitted

    So now I’m getting ads for… gravel?! No no, stupid algorithms, I don’t wanna bury Jay, I want Jay to bury his bone into me.

  • Brian Levine

    Are Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse writing for RLM now, ‘cus it seems like they’re just making stuff up as they go. Where’s the well thought out, character driven story line?

  • Brian Levine

    Actually, I really like the way that they were able to complete Furious 7 even though Vin Diesel had died six years ago.

  • Bubs

    Some time ago (months? years?) there was a joke that Mike and Jay made several times in their videos which I didn’t understand. They kept referring to stupid movie going audiences as “fly over cows”. I think this originated in the “Grown Ups 2” Half In the Bag, or somewhere around that time.

    Anyway, I didn’t get the joke or the reference. Does anyone know what the fuck I’m talking about?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Fly over country, where everyone is just a dumb cow.

    That’s what I take from it.

  • Palpatine

    Hopefully that story line will be in Space Cop.

  • Brian Levine

    flies eat whatever cows crap out.

  • RLMkeepitup

    i like how some of the voices george was done on the first attempt and the audio guy had to insist on doing a second take.

  • Palpatine

    And the cow is Hollywood.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    No, Hollywood is the herder. The movies are the cows. Cash cows, that is.

  • RLMkeepitup

    arnold’s character is doing really goofy things

  • RLMkeepitup

    we are the flies

  • Palpatine

    The fruit flies that is. We and the RLM gang differ from the rest of the 99% of movie going audiences. We prefer fruits, that is to say mostly well made indie films.

  • Tommy Wiseau

    My movie was also about the dangers of loving too greatly. There was a nuance to when I made sex to Lisa’s death that eventually killed me. Just like It Follows

  • Bubs

    This is more convoluted than the plot to Prometheus.

  • Tommy Wiseau

    Boyhood makes my movies look good.

  • Tommy Wiseau

    King Palpotine. Maybe you watch my hit show “Neighbors.” Maybe it could be hit comedy and drama?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Keep your stupid comments in your pocket.

  • Tommy Wiseau

    Oh hai dollar store cashier wife. I pet your doggie. I bought flowers from you once. I am your favorite customer!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    How’s your sex life?

  • CynicalOptimist22 .

    Ha… Duh Bears

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Ehm, I’m not American, but from what I can understand, it’s a stereotype on how people not from the east or west coasts (the coasts have most of the more cosmopolitan and more populated cities, not named Chicago) are less cultured, or something. I’m also guessing the cow part is because Wisconsin is a state known for farms, or that the obesity index in the flyover states is higher.

    Also check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flyover_country

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I saw this in some other talkback (so I’m not taking credit for it):

    “I am not a machine, I am not a man. I am… a Manchine!”

    I thought it was funny. They should call everyone for reshoots and put it in the final movie.

  • DarkFluffy

    I agree. I should have give that a deeper thought before posting.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Lisa never really loved you Tommy, you beat her and really should have gotten that promotion

  • dejectedchuckle

    Middle America (where they reside) is stereotyped as “fly-over country” since LA and NYC are Big and Important cities and with the exception of Chicago the mid-west doesn’t really have large metropolitan areas like LA or NYC.

    Fly-over people are assumed to be stupider because of this, basically. Also fat, so cows. Also literal cows are more plentiful in more mid-western areas. And calling someone a cow implies they are fat or dumb or both.

  • Like Icare

    Nope on Doku or why war began.
    Also, you are answering your own first question there.

    Jedi are legendary, magical, almost mythical super-human warriors who can not only survive most things you throw at them – they literally take on armies and come out on top.
    How many Jedi at Naboo? Two. Which side won? The Jedi side, spectacularly.

    Hell… We’ve seen them right there just handwaving commands to the ruler of all Gungans.
    And we know that they can sneak around a “fully operational battle station” pulling levers at will, turning shields on and off…
    You don’t need an army when you can just command rulers like puppets. Or stop their harts if you wanted to.

    Nute Gunray and Co. cream their pants for a reason when they are told “Two Jedi came to talk to you.”
    And on top of it all, they can foresee the future. Or they could…

    And the best part is that they mostly don’t have to do anything, cause everyone already knows that they CAN do all that.
    They are galactic nuclear deterrent. “One Riot, One Ranger” style.

    Be nice or we send a Jedi after you. ONE Jedi.
    You try something stupid, like capturing a Jedi and trying to kill him in an arena… We send many Jedi and there will be NO negotiations.

    That shit is ALL right there.
    It’s just that every shot is so dense one can’t see the forest for the trees.
    And Lucas doesn’t know how to convey it all.

    As for Dooku, army, start of war… you are confusing reason for war (existence of two armies built up to fight each other) and cause of war (attempt to execute 2 Jedi and a 1 senator, resulting in a Jedi “intervention” – carpet bombing style).

    Just like World War 1 would have been fought for some other reason had Gavrilo Princip slipped on a banana peel and landed on his face, knocking himself unconscious as Archduke came along.
    Everyone was spoiling for a war to end all wars.

    With Republic and separatists, the whole thing was carefully planned and executed by – two magical guys who can order people around with handwaves.
    And we’re back at why Republic didn’t need an army next to a Jedi Corps.

    You got that same thing in Asimov’s universe.
    Only it’s robots doing psychohistory and pushing humans in right direction instead of Jedi foreseeing future and maintaining status quo of a prosperous Republic with Jedi mind tricks and an occasional bloodless toppling of a violent regime.

    As for “Why wage war an army they built” – substitute sides in the conflict with single persons, and armies with guns.

    Alice sees war with Bob as inevitable (Alice just wanted to do some good old East India Company trading with some backward natives when that Bob fucker came and attacked Alice) so Alice orders a new gun shipment.

    Bob finds out that Alice ordered guns and intercepts the shipment, with Alice seeing Bob taking the guns.
    Only thing Alice can do now is to try to outshoot Bob.

    Also, Alice keeps getting these emails from a shadowy character telling Alice that Bob is out to get her.

  • Joe Syxpac

    They put his skin over an animatronic frame. When he’s not making movies he plays a banjo at Chuck E. Cheese’s.

    They plan on doing the same thing with Paul Walker.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    So apparently the first person who got sent the script to 28 days later was actually Chris Cunningham and he passed on it.

    Holy shit what a wasted opportunity.

  • Palpatine

    Maybe.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Okay, if two Jedi are enough to solve most conflicts, then why are two hundred Jedi so badly outmatched on Geonosis? I mean, they’re supposed to cut down battle droids like butter, right? And about a thousand battle droids doesn’t sound like that much against 200 Jedi. Does this fall under Lucas’ conveying disabilities or the Jedi not meeting their reputation?

    And by why the war began I meant that if you know a war is inevitable, you’d probably get to it later rather than sooner, so you probably wouldn’t risk it for a few people. And you sure as hell wouldn’t want to be the one starting it.

  • A Nightmare on Jaws Street

    hi pa kent

  • A Nightmare on Jaws Street

    so basically youre saying we’re all gay then

  • dejectedchuckle

    Well, he needed to bail Fonzie out of his latest scheme so what was he supposed to do?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    My complication had a complication. Before I tuck into the comments, about how much lube will I need? No reason…

  • Jaws 10 – You’re Sharking Me

    ah man when arnie smashes through the windscreen… theyre taking the piss, no one could film that shit with a straight face hahaaha ahhh WHAT THE FUCK

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hey Tommy, can I be in your next movie?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    This movie is so stupidly enjoyable and yet it pisses me off so much. I still feel like I’m going to hate it. Maybe the movie will be good and the trailers are fucking shitty. Also how does Khaleshi Conner know what her son in the future looks like?

  • Jaws 10 – You’re Sharking Me

    terminator genysis is hahaha is the room bad a fucking EPIC FAIL its gonna make the phantom menace look like citizen kane ahhh hahaha thanks palpy.. that was the funniest fucking thing i have ever seen bahahaha fuck you hollwood fuck you arnie fuck the world

  • Like Icare

    Jedi are basically superhuman space-ninjas. And we all know how that works out.

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ConservationOfNinjutsu

    What I said earlier – most of the time they didn’t actually have to do anything but show up and push a few people around.
    So there was probably never a case in any of their lives where anyone even tried confronting one, let alone 200 Jedi.

    In fact, only one Jedi on the council thinks of maybe getting more backup first – Yoda. 900 years old you don’t reach, paranoid being without.

    Rest of the council happily rushing out into the fray, he was probably simply outvoted in regard to the preferred strategy for the “rescue” by younger and less experienced Jedi.
    I’m looking at you Mace Window, you showoffie cunt!

    As for risking for few people… Not people. Jedi.
    Jedi don’t come to help out other Jedi… next thing every idiot with a blaster will be taking pot shots at them.
    And they were planning to simply shock and awe everyone then and there and end the war before Life Day.

    Or better yet, before it ever started.

    And hey… That was not a bad plan from their perspective.
    At that point they thought they were in control.

    The entire army separatist were preparing is now under command of the Jedi order, they got the upper hand, all their enemies are cornered to a single planet (at that point they still think that Dooku is behind it all – with Darth Maul being his apprentice) plus they are moderfuckin Jedi.
    What could possibly go wrong, right?

    Oh… Wait… In all their previous battles they could tell the future… Now the future is clouded… Oh…

    Ah well, back to 9/11.

  • Jaws 10 – You’re Sharking Me

    well thats the end then… fuck it all hope is lost, hahaha fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu hollywoooodddddd

  • Like Icare

    “In lieu of flowers send Nukie tapes” kind of complication or more like “Oh… no more eggs in the fridge” kind of complication?

  • Like Icare

    Why, isn’t it obvious?
    He’s the very model of a modern Major-General,
    He’s got information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    He knows the kings of England, and quotes the fights historical
    From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.
    He’s very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
    Understands equations, both the simple and quadratical,
    About binomial theorem he’s teeming with a lot o’ news,
    With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!

  • Kyle

    The Fast & Furious movies feel like movies you don’t really watch, but just have playing at a party or something. They’re background movies.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Poor Jaws got deleted again.

    He’s never gonna get the reboot he’s hoping for.

  • The Summer of George

    “Furious 7” is a consonantal twinning. Look it up and learn something today, dummy.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wait. now thats shit looking silliness but i’m more pissed off that the trailer just spoilered the whole movie.
    and that it looks like a rehash of T:Syalvation and T2.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i think he committed Disqusticide after watching the new Genysis trailer.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    That’s a shame.

    I can’t imagine what he would have done if this new Terminator trailer had the bad Doctor Who running around in it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    A 9gag version of a RLM comment. Kill me

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i didnt see Colin Baker…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Was Jaws the one who made the cringeworthy comment below?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i think so but he was dead when i got here.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    All I can think about now is that scene in The Room when Johnny dies and there’s tons of blood rushing from his cold body they yell at him to wake up. “WAKE UP JAWS! WAKE UP!”

  • RLMkeepitup

    he’ll be back. Jaws always returns.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Next time with a horrible 3D effect from the 80’s

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *sniffs* I smell a burn

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i think at this stage all we can do is hope that T:Genysis is bad enough to be funny. like Jyrassic Pyrk 4.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he was so poorly received that they didnt even make his death interesting.
    basically the TARDIS hits a “Space Pot-Hole” and the Doctor trips and fractures his skull on the control console and dies. then Sylvester Mccoy stands up.

    vv see file photo vv
    http://images1.backpage.com/imager/u/large/75562074/TARDIS2.jpg

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Yaaaaaay, I got a PS4! Vidya games… Oh wait, this isn’t the PreRec vid anymore. My bad, Moopies…

  • fred

    Speaking of Fargo, I agree with Jay when he says the movie is perfect, and the show is holding to the same standards as the film so far.

    The one thing that irks me is their “true story” bit at the beginning of the movie and every episode. “Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.” Oh really… Fish raining from the sky? All those unlikely coincidences? A hit-man whose also a dentist and a pastor?

    It’s fiction loosely based on some actual events, which is nothing worth bragging about. Still, the show is awesome so far.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Sort of a ‘We feel confident we can reproduce our leader in perfect tact from his nose’ complication.

  • Thanatos2k

    Bloodborne go. GO.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Colin Baker has returned to his home planet.

  • Thanatos2k

    Furious Evan?

  • Thanatos2k

    Flies vomit all over the things they consume. Seems apt.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I may try to rent the Bloopibloop.

  • Thanatos2k

    Don’t worry, Marty McFly will save humanity in his place.

  • The Summer of George

    Indeed.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I approve of your name copiously.

  • DanceOfBirther

    But with much crappier beer.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    One day you’ll go down to the basement and find the ‘Dick Halloran Florida Pad Accessory Set’ in your bin.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Okay these Fast and Furious movies are going to far? Have you seen the trailer for the next one?

    https://youtu.be/ftn9_gRQCag

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oh, no! Mike and Jay have been dead all along, Plinkett’s house is the purgatory.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Rich would’ve fitted perfectly in that old SNL skit. And, I’m not saying it because everyone in that sketch was big sized.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Rather see ‘Kung Fury’, which is in fact happening I’m told:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72RqpItxd8M

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Come see our River Walk!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    They’re remaking Abre Los Ojos?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

  • Jawsinator

    I’m a cold heart breaker fit to burn, and I’ll rip your heart in two, and I’ll leave you lying on the bed (with your ass in the air) I’ll be out the door before you wake, it’s nothin new to you, cause I think we’ve seen that movie too, cause you could be mine, but you’re way out of line, with your bitch slap rappin and your cocaine tongue you get nuthin done, I said you could be mine, Holidays come, then they go, it’s nuthin new today, collect another memory, when I come home late night, don’t ask me where I’ve been, just count your stars I’m home again, cause you could be mine, but you’re way out of line, with your bitch slap rappin and your cocaine tongue you get nuthin’ done, I said you could be miiiiiiiiinnnneeee, you could be mine, you could be mine, you could be mine, mine, you could be mine mine mine, you’ve gone sketchin’ too many times, why don’t you give it a rest, whyyyy must you fiiiinnnnndd, another reason to cry, take it slash!…. hasta la vista baby! …… While you’re breakin down my back, and I been rackin’ out my brain, it don’t matter how we make it, cause it will always end the same, you can push it for more mileage, but your flaps are wearin thin, and I could sleep on ’til mornin’, but this nightmare never ends, and don’t forget to call my lawyers, with ridiculous demands, and you can take the pity so far, but it’s more than I can stand, cause this couch trip’s gettin’ older, tell me how long has it been, five years is forever, and you haven’t grown up yet, ..you could be miyinne, but you’re waaaay out of liyiine, with your bitch slap rappin and your cocaine tongue you get nuthin done, I said yoooou could be, yooooou should be, yoooou could be miyine, owww you could be miyine (you could be mine) you could be miyinne (you could be mine) oww you could be miine (you could be mine) you could be miine (you could be mine) you could miyine (you could me mine) ow you could be miyine (you could be mine) ow you could miiyiinee (you could be mine) you could be miiiiiiiiiyiiiiiiiinnneeeee YEAH!

  • Palpatine
  • Red Skeleton

    “Cool Runnings” is fiction loosely based on actual events. Fargo doesn’t deserve that distinction.

  • TapewormLadyBicycle

    Well, I am off to get a PSI, who’s better?

  • TapewormLadyBicycle

    You say cringeworthy as if it’s a bad thing

  • Andrew Thompson.

    N64 4 eva!

  • TapewormLadyBicycle

    Sticks and imagination rulezzzz

  • Andrew Thompson.

    STICKS! we couldnt afford sticks, we had to imagine sticks.
    look at you rich boy with your fancy sticks!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    In the spirit of BotW, which is Best and which one do we destroy?
    A) Terminator: Genysis
    B) Jurassic Park: Tayme Raptors.
    vote now on 1800 1701-d

  • TapewormLadyBicycle

    Also, rusty wire. You may call me Richie Rich Richardson

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Rusty wire!? we used to dream of rusty wire!
    i begged my parents for some rusty wire for Richmass… i got a worm painted red…..

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I bet you where so rich your parents stole some old nuclear fuel rods as a night light… lucky bastard falling asleep to the comforting blue glow of the Cherenkov radiation. all i had was a chunk of asbestos to keep me warm!

  • TapewormLadyBicycle

    I am already renting out my Bloopibloop. Times are hard. And so are..

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m bored!
    We where so poor that as a kid they just let us play with real guns.

    We where so poor that as a kid the first time i saw a ceramic flushing toilet i Shatnered my pants.

    We where so poor that as a kid instead of going to the movies, we went to the dodgey doctor to sell our bone marrow…

  • TapewormLadyBicycle

    We were so Rich, I am off to get stuff and make lunch out of it!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    we were so poor that our Sandwiches were made of sand.

  • TapewormLadyBicycle

    I hate sandwiches…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i know they are coarse and get everywhere.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What games you getting?

  • Red Skeleton

    So I watched 10 minutes of this film called Joey. It’s a Disney-esque kid’s film about a boy trying to get a baby kangaroo home. Shockingly, it appears to be an Australian film. It was…. surreal. Extremely cartoony despite being live-action. In the first 10 minutes I watched a kid driving a car to evade some angry rednecks with guns, said rednecks go flying cartoon style (complete with sound effects) out of their car after it crashes into a pond, said kid get yelled at by his hamfisted (scottish?) teacher in extreme close-up style, and then a group of kids gather round to watch two cgi ants fighting, complete with cartoony uppercutting (George Lucas would be proud).

  • Red Skeleton

    Here’s the trailer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhHiYC4YqEQ
    Funny thing about the trailer, the first half makes it look melodramatic, but at about 55 the tone switches and it becomes just as surreal as the film actually was (you can see every scene I just described in the trailer). I was extremely disappointed to discover they used the actual voices from the film instead of doing the typical American thing of not having anyone speak.

    Edit: I love the part in the trailer about 1 minute in when it shows an angry mob yelling, cuts away, then cuts back to the same shot but flipped to make it look, I dunno, like the film is about angry mobs?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    this bit was kinda weird in a kids film…

    https://youtu.be/gWvxFuXNuQM

  • Red Skeleton

    Wow, that was pretty impressive. I wonder how they got those kangaroos to act like they were getting shot.

    ………… Ohhhhhh……………… 🙁

  • Red Skeleton

    I don’t think that’s a kids film, Andrew.

  • Red Skeleton

    No wonder the goddamn island is trying to kill you all.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That’s just Coen’s Brothers humor.The film wasn’t based on anything remotely real and the show just copied that line.

  • Red Skeleton

    See, here’s my issue with that scene. On one hand, I admire the fact they had to guts to depict Kangaroo hunting in all its horrific glory. On the other hand, going by what’s writen on the films wikipedia page, the filmmakers were like “Right, the book has a debaucherous kangaroo hunting scene, so the film will need a debaucherous kangaroo hunting scene. So lets hire some debaucherous hunters to shoot some kangaroos so we can show how horrible debaucherous kangaroo hunting is- OH NO HOW HORRIBLE THE DEBAUCHEROUS HUNTERS ARE DEBAUCHEROUSLY SLAUGHTERING THE KANGAROOS FOR OUR DEBAOUCHEROUS HUNTING SCENE! I DID NOT EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN AT ALL!”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats kinda the point.
    killing aint pretty.

  • Red Skeleton

    No, my point is… the filmmakers had the nerve to act shocked about it. When that was supposedly the whole point of filming it in the first place.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    only 3 billion years later in the 80’s.

  • Red Skeleton

    >.>
    you lost me.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    people only realy complained recently.

  • Red Skeleton

    Wasn’t it lost until recently?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    NOPE. only Remastered.

  • Like Icare

    Tricky. Noses-to-humans is not yet quite an exact science.
    http://www.bbc.com/news/health-29645760

  • Andrew Thompson.

    hey, whats that thing where you close your eyes but your not dead? i’m doing that.

  • Red Skeleton
  • Red Skeleton

    Can I have what you’re having?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    coma?

  • Like Icare

    There’s a reason they left out the scenes of Luke cruising around in his speeder on a Saturday night, all high on that blue milk, bulls-eying wombats (Wombats, womp-rats… same thing.).

    The high comes from all those processed drugs in the blue milk.

    Drugs like Viagra.

    http://www.bluemilkspecial.com/?p=142

  • tOmy`

    How dare you mentioning Bieber as a “sexy pun” under a comment of the show featuring Timothy?!

    http://www.emmys.com/sites/default/files/styles/bio_pics_detail/public/2013/08/Timothy-Olyphant_1_0.jpg?itok=ARzzvjBC

    Blasphemy.

  • tOmy`

    Something something keyboard and mouse something lol.

    Also: LOL > DOTA

  • tOmy`

    *Termynator

  • tOmy`

    Oh yea, caught up on the last two episodes of Better Call Saul. It just reaffirmed my stance on it: For me, it is superior to Breaking Bad. I can see why people find it boring or way too slow, but I love the story and characters (applaud for Chuck’s mental disorder, what a great, great idea) so freaking much, I wish it was even slower. The amount of time they sometimes spent on “uninteresting” bits are the moments when the show hits the peak, as dialogues and / or monologues are carrying this almost as much as Odenkirk’s acting.

    *hums Smoke on the Water*

  • Like Icare

    Personally, I find Terminator 2 boring (Maybe cause I watched a badly pirated VHS of it too many times as a kid.) and the MacGoo one is just… embarrassing to watch.
    Like being in a public place with an elderly relative when their bladder suddenly lets loose.

    Still, I’d watch even those rater than ANY Jurassic Park movie, as I find those to be FUCKING BORING.
    Those movies are like watching one of those fake documentaries on Discovery, where all animals are rendered and utterly fake, but with more added hype and more fake action.
    Hey! Look! Fake danger! What will NOT happen next!? Who gives a fuck?! Not me!

  • Like Icare

    Well… there’s snow in both those movies…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Preach it!

  • Like Icare

    I believe that the phrase you’re looking for is “Glorious PC Gaming Master Race”.
    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/508/702/812.jpg

  • Like Icare
  • Like Icare

    Say what you want, but that moment you run into the terminator is still fucking scary.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Zq-4_7CtIVQ#t=8

    Feels kinda like falling off of the Earth.

  • omitted

    Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Olyphant!

    http://www.homorazzi.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/timothy-shirtless-1.jpg

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    I hope they do ‘Unfriended’ . that looks like a real stinker

  • Tim Hendrix

    Don’t put furious 7 & it follows in the title and then review it the other way around, it makes my brain confused…

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    … Blinking?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Being in orbit is technically falling.

  • omitted
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That was genuinely amusing.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.”

    Haha! I love their humour.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “*fondles PS4*”

    When will a video of this be on PornHub? xHamster?

  • omitted

    Are you sure it’s not just a euphemism?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Is that the Korean pop star?

  • omitted

    North*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “I wanna take you downtown …”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Vin Diesel is a Terminator?

    That explains his lack of charisma.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Stop reminding me of those films.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Nest Half in the Bag? Are they … birds?

  • Palpatine

    Terminator: Sega Genysis. Jurassic Park IV: Jurassic World isn’t going to have an old man who still thinks he can be in action movies.

  • Bubs

    Terminator: Genysis definitely wins BotW. I can already know the entire plot to Jurassic Park months before I’ve even seen the movie and it’s complete schlock. With Genysis I can guarantee that I won’t know what the fuck is happening and there may even be a few welcome suprises. Jurassic Pork 4 should be thrown to the lions.

  • Palpatine

    Isn’t the the winner of BotW supposed to be schlock?

  • Earth

    Has there ever been a precedent for destroying two movies in one sitting? The only time I can remember is when they blew up both Playing Dangerous movies.

  • Milton Dammers

    I was hoping they’d do the Fast & Furious franchise as a new Resident Evil style review. Only watched #5 recently myself… and laughed my ass off. It was glorious.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    At first I thought “Meh, there’s not enough Pacific Rim clips in this movie trailer.”

    And then, I was proven wrong.

  • Bubs

    It’s supposed to be entertaining and (preferably) worth watching again. Two goals I don’t think JPork will achieve.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I remember when Rich Evans/Fake Plinkett played that game with Mike and Jay, asking what were the plots to movies they’ve seen recently.

    They should have just done that with each Fast and Furious movie. They probably would have gotten half of them right.

    Or they could have beaten each other over the head with styrofoam again. Either way is equally entertaining.

  • Palpatine

    Tru dat.

  • Palpatine

    Did Jaws get killed by Dr. Loomis deleted again?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWdKf3MneyI

    Pratt and Raptor Buddies: Ant Edition?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I think he got deleted twice in one day.

    I blame Da Bears.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Careful. There was a Bears fan here earlier.

  • Milton Dammers

    “They race fast cars, there are lots of asses and then they fight. With cars.”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Eh. If a fight breaks out, I’ll claim I was really talking about these bears instead.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRTSZZgCUik

  • Now I Get It

    Forgive me, but I’ve gotten a little behind on site’s announced surgeries. So, you’ve gone from chanteuse to chanteur, right?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    They might as well do a movie for Marvel’s Squirrel Girl, who uses squirrels to overtake her enemies.

    It’ll be the year of animal swarms; the buddy edition.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Horrifying. Is this show based on the candy or are the candy based on the show?

  • Milton Dammers

    Yeah, Fargo is made up. Those pesky Coen Brothers, eh? http://www.snopes.com/movies/films/fargo.asp

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Not at all, I simply know The Manhole by reputation. Yeah, reputation….

  • Palpatine

    It’ll be Paul Rudd’s greatest role since Halloween 6! Man, that’s the third Halloween series related joke I’ve made in the past 12 hours.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If I remember right, they’re the makers of Gummi juice from the nearby trees that they live under, which makes them super bouncy.

  • Palpatine
  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Why don’t you like the Care Boars most? They’re the perfect form of torture.

    Seems right up your alley, Palpy.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    “Correct.”

  • Palpatine
  • Now I Get It

    Oh, thank God. ‘Cause I thought, for someone with so many Hebraic posts, you’re going a long way for something you know is going to end with a bris.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And the candy?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Remember, Disney logic. You can’t eat these Gummi Bears. They go out and fight monsters, but not before getting drunk on Gummi juice.

    If that’s not a good enough explanation for you, here’s a picture to distract you from 80s kid show logic.

    http://th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/115/4/b/4ba48f79f77966a28aad2e83a2187e8d-d4xkgqy.jpg

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Those gummi bears definitely distract my viewing experience… I would much prefer if they were the kind that appear on the show.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Hebraic? I think you’re thinking of Jews Jaws.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa
  • WrongWithYourFace

    This is supposed to turn me for gummy bears? Where’s my Gummi Bear plush? I need a hug.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I said it before and I’ll say it again-no Edgar Wright no fucks given.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is out in 3 days, America loves the mall and it needs a real hero!

  • Bubs
  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    America now loves Amazon, but Paul Blart: Package Handler just sounds a little dirty.

    http://www.businessinsider.com/shopping-malls-in-crisis-2015-1

  • Palpatine
  • RLMkeepitup

    plus, kevin james already answered what can brown do for you on king of queens, a kind hearted show that warmed the cockles of America’s heart for 9 seasons!

  • dejectedchuckle

    Courteney Cox confirmed for Squirrel Girl?

  • dejectedchuckle

    It’s true, I was there. Those cockles were so warmed that they sweltered.

  • Red Skeleton

    He’s a real hero.
    And a real human being.
    And a real hero.

  • Bubs

    So I looked up Guardians of the Galaxy on http://www.marvel.wikia.com and 7800 links later, I realized that the Marvel universe is a convoluted clusterfuck where anything goes as long as it makes money.

    It made me wonder: are comic books the laziest possible form of entertainment, or the least lazy? On the one hand, nearly every single possible scenario has already been done, so it must be really tough to come up with new and original ideas in this realm without seeming like a total hack. On the other hand, every single idea seems so lazily thrown together and poorly thought out that it seems like George Lucas wrote it.

    What do you think?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Don’t forget real human being.