Half in the Bag: Fantastic Four

August 9, 20153,029 Comments

Mike and Jay attempt to see Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, but are unable to. Josh Trank himself buys Mike and Jay tickets to see Fantastic Four. They are the only people in the theater. Not just their theater, but every theater in the nation.


Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Snake Squeezer

    Last.

  • Second

    I just saved my money and saw Rogue Nation instead

  • RedLetterRich

    *claps*

  • Roddy

    How did they not see mIssion impossible?

  • dswynne

    Null.

  • Bubs

    Oh Cool, a new video! Better get your banhammer ready.
    #NaziMods
    #DontBanAFan

  • Yamete Onii-chan

    YAY!

    THE WORST MOVIE OF 2015 IS HERE!

    I’d watch a movie where Kevin Feige tries to save Dr.Doom from the hands of the evil Josh Trank.

  • ninja egyptologist

    I was waiting for this review and now its here. Hooray!

  • Óskar Arnarson

    Please please please get a new mic for Jay.

  • TapewormBike

    Tape was here

  • Jay’s mic has a tiny jackhammer in it

  • Jay Stein

    Ohhh!!

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Jay, Mike, Mike, Jay. Make “Lighting Fast VCR Repair” shirts already, I have money to give you.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    As many of you know I hated this movie immensely.

  • Snake Squeezer

    If anybody at RLM would like to send me a wav of jay’s mic, I’d be happy to get rid of that noise for you. PM me.

  • Angry Picard

    “NO! This weakness disgusts me! I HATE IT! Where is my logic? I’m betrayed…”
    -Sarek (1990)

  • Like Icare

    Jay’s got it. It’s like there’s an hour of movie missing.

  • His voice?

  • instant relief

    Yay! Something, something, something!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! *smashes glass*

  • Snake Squeezer

    Ouch. Damn, man.

  • TapewormBike

    It’s pretty easy, FF is about a sort of a dysfunctional family that has to save the world on top of their problems. The only good and necessary adaptation is The Incredibles.

  • bedfordthegreat

    If anyone ever again does an FF movie, they need to avoid Doctor Doom. Do the Skrulls & Super-Skrull instead.

  • The Narrator

    And The Ice Storm.

  • frankelee

    It’s like they don’t even stop to not care anymore!

  • Like Icare

    That’s not jackhammer. That’s a dentists drill. In MY BRAIN!!!

  • TapewormBike

    When is the next Wig Review coming out?

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “It was blue with people in it” Redlettermedia’s “Chronicle” review 3 years later.

  • TapewormBike

    Josh Trank looks at FF and thinks “Yup, this shit needs more Cronenberg in it”. Why did they even hire the guy in the first place? That’s not shitting on either Trank or the studio, I just don’t see the match.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The first half is alright and I feel like the movie could’ve redeem itself and become a good movie if the second half is awful, truly awful. We get shifting tones now which is something you should never do, Mr. Trank. It starts out like a Cronenberg film made by a student filmmaker and then the movie remembers “Oh! This has to be a superhero movie! Fight at the end! Goofy lines! Gotta have those!” The pacing is fantastically bad, pun intended. It starts off well and then as soon as they get back we get a bunch of explaining to things we do not see, ironically including The Thing. I started to think well maybe all of this will stop. Then we get more explaining, and more explaining. They keep explaining and saying stuff but we see none of the shit they’re explaining. It’s like if Pa Kent Says Maybe made a parody of a Christopher Nolan film. The ending and the ending fight scene is so stupid and goes against the themes of the film multiple times. I hated even the CG in this film. When Stretch Armstrong morphs his face to make it look like another guy’s face it looks like an Asylum movie. Fuck this movie sideways in unappealing way.

  • lawra Weltreich

    now I have to watch it *sigh*

  • The Narrator

    Because he was under contract with the studio and they thought Chronicle was superficially similar enough to Fantastic Four.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why make it dark? The original comics weren’t dark at all. Josh, NOT EVERYTHING IS BATMAN.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Trank, you fuck! You bought Kate Mara’s rug at Gilman’s Discount Wigs in Jersey! You cheapskate! I know it because I SOLD IT TO YOU!

  • TapewormBike

    It is now, unless Marvel makes it. FF is the most 60s thing ever, I really hope someone somewhere sometime will make it as a period piece.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The only things that are dark in Marvel are connected to Daredevil and The Punisher. Keep those dark and gritty and make Fantastic Four more cosmic. Those fuckers go into space a lot.

  • TapewormBike

    Some of the best Kirby stuff.

  • The Narrator

    Michael Chabon wrote a 60s-set draft that Peyton Reed was going to direct at one point.

  • TapewormBike

    Michael Chabon wrote a draft for everything

  • MichaelKz

    I guess it would kill a movie studio if they did a Fantastic Four reboot that was just the team in some kind of adventure rather than waste our time with an origin story?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So while the Jessica Alba and Roger Corman movies suck they are more closer what the Fantastic Four should be. Which leads us to the conclusion that they should never have a movie ever again even if Marvel Studios has it.

  • Like Icare

    It was actually Alba’s wig from Rise of the Surfer Dude.
    What is it with these movies and wigs?

    Also, why couldn’t they have gotten that wig from the Shooter?
    http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2007_Shooter/007STR_Kate_Mara_024.jpg
    Or that bra and the shotgun.
    http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m211/gepaka/KATEMARA.jpg

  • TapewormBike

    They could adapt Marvels in Phase 11

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They should just have Doom. Just give Kevin Fiege Doctor Doom and we’ll all be happy.

  • TapewormBike

    “Were you stretching or were you shrinking?!”

  • TapewormBike

    I love Doom, some stuff with him is pure badass

  • Wizard Phoenix

    To be honest just because I like ideas and elements in the film doesn’t mean the execution is any good.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    “Crap! Lousy ceiling!”
    -Terl (2000)

  • Wizard Phoenix

    His basically Darth Vader with magic and science.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I can still fucking see you, Mini-Me!

  • John Bigbootay

    Every shot in the trailer is at night or a dark, poorly lit room. Enough already. Yeesh. Talk about trying too hard.

    And just once I’d like to see an adult Reed Richards. Someone please cast people who don’t look like kids.

  • MichaelKz

    It’s that damned Ultimate Marvel universe. The only good that came out of it was Captain America’s updated WWII costume (which is what we see in the Captain America: The First Avenger) and black Nick Fury that looks like Samuel L. Jackson.

  • They should have gone with a different time period. Like the X-men, set it in the 60s or even earlier.

  • Adzl33t

    “Chronicles” and that scene with Dr Doom leaving the medic room shows Trask rather do an Akira movie

    While like Fox rather do something else like an YA Novel adaptation, with Nolanization super seriousness with a lack of creativity (Rick and Morty have more interesting dimensions settings, some dirt is more dull as a dream world with just buildings and snow)

    But this movie did not piss me off as “Man of Steel” it’s too bizarre for me to be mad.

  • Like Icare

    Kate Mara IS Rooney Mara. They’re BOTH Rooney Maras.

    It’s some “should a robot from the future come to murder one of them” safety feature.
    Also, just like Coca Cola executives, they can’t be on the plane at the same time.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    There is a difference between Rooney and Kate. Kate is hot as hell and Rooney is cuter than a button.

  • Adzl33t

    There was little point for Reed to be a teenager, we barely see his parents, they could have made him a post grad student, and not much would have changed

  • Wasn’t that a recent criticism of American actors, that we select male leads with baby faces/ageless faces. Like Leo DiCaprio. Shia LaBouef.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Trank has a bigger hard on for Akira than the guy who made Looper.

  • MichaelKz

    If Manos: The Hands of Fate can get on Blu-Ray then why not Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four? It still looks better than the 1990 Captain America movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    There was a comic of Superman (1990, 1991 maybe) where a team of 4 scientists go through a similar accident as that that gave origins to the Fantastic Four, except they all died horrible, painful deaths. One melted, the woman phased out, other became pure radiation and the other was fused with rocks and the wreckage of their ship. That’s the Fantastic Four body-horror movie Jay wants to see.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Only nerds like me will understand the irony of your comment.

  • Jay Stein

    That’s the Fantastic 4 we all want to see

  • This film definitely sounds like an interesting example of a studio hiring a low-profile director and trusting them with a high-budget reboot of a franchise that had somewhat sank over time; a similar thing happened this year with Trevorrow and Jurassic World. However, even though JW takes the franchise in a slightly new direction and even shows massive amounts of meta-level contempt for the audience, it did well because it sounded like Trevorrow and the studio agreed with one another on what the film was supposed to be: a giant nostalgia romp with dinosaurs eating people and one another. With Trank and FF, it sounds like his idea for the film and the studio’s idea for the film came into gigantic conflict. Like, at levels similar to what happens almost any time Terry Gilliam tries to make a movie.

    Trank seems like he might have almost made a distinctive-looking and feeling movie. But then that movie wasn’t allowed to live. And I don’t know if that means that his original vision would have better than what ended up happening, but, how could it be worse?

  • Otto T

    WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE NOISE?!?!?!?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Imagine if Marvel had access to Doctor Doom, instead of the lame villains they have to work with. Well, that’s a lie, they have access to some good ones (Loki, Red Skull, Ultron) but they’ve botched them all except Loki. Jury still out on Thanos.

  • Adzl33t

    This movie is barely dark, it’s an emo 13 year boy version of dark, with shallow cynicism, annoying angst, and a lack of consequences with lessons to learn from to grow, so like Man of Steel

  • Like Icare

    Warren Ellis’ Planetary made them into bad guys, secretly running the world and selling it to the Darkseid-like aliens who gave them their powers.
    They make much more sense that way.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Either Jay’s mic is giving up, or it’s plugged wrong.

  • Like Icare

    It’s good to show contempt towards your audience.

    That, or it is a secret message embeded in the audio.

  • doc

    By Marvel he means Fox.

  • Jay Stein

    Dr. Doom was around about 15 years before Darth Vader

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Fox seemed to be on board with the “dark and gritty” vision, at least at first. They were even talking about a “shared universe” with their X-Men movies. The Fox X-Men movies aren’t exactly “dark” especially the more recent ones, but they are way too grounded/stripped from comic book-y stuff.

  • ysolazynotch

    Please god replace the broken squeel shirt mic….

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Never read any Ultimate Marvel, but wasn’t Ultimate Spider-Man also considered to be good at first, but the derailed into nonsense?

  • MichaelKz

    The newer X-Men movies aren’t above giving their characters actual costumes, though. I think Fox has really turned that franchise around. To me they feel like they’re part of the Marvel movieverse as commanded by Disney, but are their own thing. This is like how a group of X-Men comics could have their own contained stories while Iron Man, Thor, etc have their own comics too.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Mister Doom, sir. What are Midichlorians?

  • MichaelKz

    That’s not the mic, Plinkett had some success with his Grndr app is having a lemon party.

  • MichaelKz

    Ultimate Spider-Man was good, although I didn’t care for how interconnected Peter Parker was to his rogue’s gallery.

  • TheManHole

    Spoilers bad movie is bad.

  • yonderTheGreat

    Why does Jay look so red and sweaty?

  • doc

    I hear Nicholas Cage is looking for a director for his next 5 movies that are coming out this year.

  • Mike Magnum

    Tell the Truth i didn’t like Chronicle. For one none of the characters are remotely likable, interesting or sympathetic. Not even the abused one. The first half is just a bunch of Jackass goofy off. I could see that at my local mall. And i thought the second half was as bad as the Ending to Amazing Spider-man 2.. I thought that Andrew was a very one dimensional character and him being abused by his father. Wasn’t enough to make me care about him.

  • John Bigbootay

    Chronicle was better when it was Akira.

  • Are we allowed to comment again?

  • Bubs

    No one knows what that is, you weeaboo.

  • Andrew Dickman

    “Do we have to do that? Can’t we just skip past that [mountain plot]?”
    -Jay Bauman
    Looks like you’re going to have to wear a parka in August, have fun!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mark this day I’m going to give Man of Steel credit. In that film they didn’t fuck up every part of the Superman story and characters. This one they basically did. What they did with Doctor Doom is worse than anything in Man of Steel for me.

  • Bubs

    Only if you conform to the site rules which are posted nowhere and are completely open to interpretation. Until you break one, that is.

  • instant relief

    O_o

  • instant relief

    Nice video review. Please don’t ban me for saying that.

  • Andrew Dickman

    You deserve a cookie

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I will disagree there Man of Steel had a consistent tone, it wasn’t complete dark but too dark for it’s story. This movie has inconsistent tone and is far too dark for the fucking Fantastic Four. A 13 emo kid doesn’t know how to stay consistent because while they love darkness they still love Naruto slash fiction. That’s what this movie is.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    If you’re not first, you’re last.

  • MichaelKz

    Yep. If the studio wants to tweak the origin story of the the Fantastic Four themselves, fine. The two Hulk movies did that, after all, the US military isn’t testing atomic bombs in the desert anymore. For the love of God, why must they fuck with Dr. Doom’s origin story? His background and blend of science and sorcery for his powers is what defines the character.

  • James Earl Jones

    IMO most comic book movies should be set in the period their comics were created.
    Yes, I want a Batman movie set in the late 30s.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s not hard to do when you think about it. As I said Doom, a key part of the Fantastic Four that can never be fucked up or your movie sucks ass balls, is basically Darth Vader with science and magic. Do that! Don’t make him this crash test dummy, Tetsuo, scanners crap! Don’t make him a CEO of a giant business like The Green Goblin!

  • The Gods smile at us again my friends. Let us hope that our love for Rich Evans can unite us in our darkest hour.

    #OoooooooohhhhhhhMyyyyyGroooiiin

  • Otto T

    I mean, I have no problem with being the preview/test audience for the videos, but ffs releasing it like this? 😐

  • Hahahaa. Don’t worry my friend for Rich Evans protects.

  • Man of Nineleven might be a better movie but I’m still gougin out my gungin eyes out before wathing it again.

  • Seymour Brighton

    You know, I’ve never had a problem with commenting on this site. Because comments are a wank, and I just enjoy the videos for what they are, and if I comment then I admit I’m on the level of the pond-scum that inhabit comment threads. Ooops.

  • The Gods. Oooohhh, the Gods have answered yes. All those sacrificed hookers were not in vain.

  • naah

    This movie is the worst. Movies are just the worst. Let’s just pull the plug on this whole medium okay?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Comic book nerds, why do you think the studio keeps making Doctor Doom something other than Doctor Doom and a good villain? Why do they make him more like The Green Goblin or Tetsuo from Akira instead of Darth Vader?

  • Exactly; back a year ago (while the film was still filming) Fox was talking up how this film and their X-Men-based films were going to potentially be an alternate Marvel cinematic universe. But then after filming, Fox looked at what existed and decided they didn’t want all of it. So they got reshoots in January; that’s not necessarily a sign of disaster, sometimes a few scenes just need to be improved. But in this case it seems like even after January, Fox still wasn’t happy with what they had and then spent the next 6 months lying to potential audiences with trailers of things aren’t in the released film.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It is a better movie because on a character and story telling level it makes logical sense. Fant4stic doesn’t.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    naah

  • Oooh my brethren. I come to you not as just a Gungin but as one who believes in Rich Evans. Fear not dellow felegates. Comment, comment so that the Gods themselves can hear us!

    #ooooooooohhhh

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Until Iron Man came out, I always asked myself why were studios making superhero movies something other than superhero movies, so I can’t help you with this one.

  • Agreed. I guess. Havent seen it and I wont. C’mon Hollywood give us good movies.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They do give us good movies but those aren’t made by Josh Trank.

  • MichaelKz

    I’ve heard that a scene in the trailer, which shows the Thing being dropped out of a stealth bomber, isn’t in the actual movie. I haven’t cared for the this FF movie from the start, but have to admit that shot was pretty cool when I saw the trailer in a movie theater.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Fans will boycott if they don’t stick to canon.

  • Born in 1984? What is he, a youngling? Never trust a movie with a director younger that yourself!

  • Percy Gryce

    I should have skipped the finale of season 2 of True Detective and just watched Mike & Jay. When will I learn?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Read Like Icare’s comment.

  • Jay Stein

    Go back to YoYodine, oh wait you’re right…!

  • Jay Stein

    fuck Leo Leboufe

  • Jay Stein

    or born in 1984

  • Bubs

    Much like the Christian God, the RLM Gods care not for the plight of their lowly followers, and will merely laugh as they waste their lives arguing about an arbitrary set of rules.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He’s what I call an asshole but you can call him a youngling if you want.

  • Palpatine

    Jay’s mic feedback is music to my ears.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    At this point they might as well change the name of the show to “We Watch Bad Movies So You Don’t Have To.”

  • Mugato

    They keep fucking up Lex Luthor too.

  • Bubs

    You made a false assumption. You assumed that the movie studios gave a shit about the comic book. I guarantee you 99% of the people involved at the corporate levels didn’t even know what a “Doctor Doom” was before they started shooting the script. You are not a comic book fan, you are an untapped well of money, and this movie is the drill.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It was more ears to my music.

  • Palpatine

    Isn’t that the Nostalgia Critic’s catchphrase?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oh,wow, yes! that was so self-referential… I didn’t even think about it until you mentioned it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But I saw it too.

  • Palpatine

    If you want to regain favor with Them, all you have to do is repent for your sins like I did.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Actually no they haven’t. They got the right Lex Luthor for the first two films because Pre-Crisis Lex wasn’t a rich guy and Eisenberg’s Luthor, not the performance I might add, is more comic book accurate than any of the Doom’s we got. So be quiet.

  • Bubs

    I never cared much for the opinions of other people. Or Gods for that matter.

  • Jay Stein

    …and I’m truly sorry…

  • castlemonster

    Another superhero bomb? Wake me for Wheel of the Worst.

  • Palpatine

    What do you mean?

  • The Ghost

    Had every intention of going to sleep.

    And still do. I’ll watch this tomorrow. ‘Night guys <3

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s exactly how I imagine studio exec meetings go for Superman movies.

    “Okay, so who is the bad guy?”
    “Luthor.”
    “Ok, and for the next movie?”
    “Hmm, what was that guy’s name ‘Zod’?”
    “Alright! And for the one following that?”
    “Hmm, Richard Pryor?”
    “Ha! C’mon, seriously…”
    “I don’t know, Luthor again?”
    “What about Batman?”
    “Mind blown… Fuck, yeah! Let’s go with that”
    “After that, let’s just keep making Batman movies. Coming up with new villains for Superman is impossible.”

  • Bubs

    I mean I have no interest in ever regaining anyone’s favor. Ever.

  • Jay Stein

    he doesn’t care

  • Alex Lee

    Even in the original comics, Reed Richards wanted to go to beat the commies. So yeah, ego actually makes sense. Course, the original story was a pure accident; they didn’t stick their hands in the cosmic rays.

    Anyways, I still stand by my desire to see a documentary of Trank’s failure, “because you gotta do an autopsy to figure out what killed it. Or who killed it.”

    http://www.comicartville.com/originffpg2.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Then after that came Superman Lives…

  • Palpatine

    You haven’t lost their favor to begin with.

  • Bubs

    Nevermind.

  • castlemonster

    This review had a darker tone. Not recommended for children.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    In that movie the main villain was Jon Peters, so that was new. Tim Burton was the secondary bad guy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    In the script there was Doomsday and Lex Luthor and Brainiac. Also Batman was going to be in it, but not George Clooney Michael Keaton’s! And Jack Nicholson was going to be in it! But as Lex and not the Joker! ARE YOU FUCKING FOLLOWING ME-

  • Hank_Henshaw

    …and Brainiac had a queer sidekick robot… how can robots be gay or straight or whatever?

  • HeftyJo

    Sounds like the motor for the cassette drive is going out in one of the cameras and is bleeding through into the microphone. Hahah, *wave* love you!

  • Alex Lee

    Wasn’t that called Batman: The Animated Series?

  • Bubs

    I assume there is a formula that looks something like this:

    X = Number of comic books we haven’t exploited in the past Y years
    Y = Number of years between a franchise reboot
    Z = Number of months in a year when you can release a blockbuster
    B = Number of stupid assholes who will pay to see it

    (X/Y) * (1/Z) * B = $$$$$$$$$$$$$

    And this is how every comic book movie you will see over the next/last 15 years is produced.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He was going to also fight Polar Bears because Superman doesn’t have guards. But you know what it actually doesn’t sound as bad as Fant4stic was.

  • The Ghost

    J/K watching now.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Everything that happens in that single page would take at least three issues in today’s decompressed comics. 1 panel to show they get pass security at the launch station?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    and a giant spider, because spiders are the the fiercest creatures in the insect kingdom

  • HeftyJo

    Robot trigger warning!

  • HeftyJo

    Roger That! *Pushes off button on remote control repeatedly*

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    I looked it up and it’s very similar.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    By the way, I’m digging the new look. It’s like a whole new “you”.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    You didn’t have to.

  • Seymour Brighton

    I would get high if I was Josh Trank too… Really high.

  • VanDerSm00th

    “It’s a weird dimension. That’s all you need to know” -Mike summing it up

  • its called bleach

    hey, anyone wanna give me a primer on what exactly went down back there? every time i checked someone else was banned

    also 2 hitbs in a row yay

  • CM Dubya

    Man of Steel didn’t do ANYTHING with the character, so there’s no way they could fuck it up.

    All Superman did in that movie was walk around looking mildly confused at everything, have people monologue at him about what he should or shouldn’t represent (while never choosing either), and occasionally he beat people up.

    That’s….about it.

    He does so little that they had to drag Batman into the mix to give people incentive to see Henry Cavill’s non-acting ass on screen again. Mothafucka’s getting second billing ALREADY to friggen Ben Affleck.

  • Now I Have A Machine Gun

    Ghostbusters is a good thing to bring up (Technically you mentioned Ghostbusters 2) but I could get behind a Fantastic Four movie that tried to be Ghostbusters.

  • bleurgh

    I disagree with this common idea that Dr Doom is some kind of great character. He actually kind of blows.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    *Redlettermedia’s “Avatar 2” review 2 years early.

  • its called bleach

    id like to register somewhere my opinion on it so someone somewhere knows i had an opinion. it feels like its cool to hate but it wasnt rly that bad imo. the problem was that the complicated story distracted from the characters, who had a 50/50 ratio of being interesting. but i actually liked trying to figure out wtf was going on and the ending felt like something nick whatever might have wanted to do in s1 but maybe an exec told him to hold back and make the ending a comic book instead. anyway i didnt think it was awful. thats my opinion thanks for reading

  • CM Dubya

    To be fair, I can’t say I really blame him for trying to do something new.

    I mean come on, it’s the Fantastic Four for God’s sake. They were ALWAYS fucking lame and dopey and dated as hell. Dr. Doom IS that series; make a stand alone movie about THAT dude. His backstory is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more interesting and sympathetic than any of the actual FF, who are all just a bunch of annoying, bickering assholes.

  • Yoshinosuke Inoue

    It could also be the battery running low.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    They may have gone too far in a few places.

  • Bubs

    Someone posted dick pics, Omitted was… himself… and Palpatine posted a link to the actual location of RLM studios. Which is located here:
    [Ban-Happy Mods, Click the link before banning. This is a joke.]
    https://www.google.com/maps/@41.802553,-87.703802,3a,75y,259.33h,90.28t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sZ-ZZlN3AbEjswYfnx9iPsw!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

  • Jawszilla

    that Thing Burger reminds me of my ex wife.
    but then again pretty she was from another dimension
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qORYO0atB6g

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    I’m surprised Jay liked Whiplash so much! I saw a preview copy and it was horrible… so melodramatic… Maybe that was a rough cut though :/ Still, I wouldn’t watch the theater release for anything after seeing that! Nightcrawler and even Birdman were better IMO!

  • Jawszilla

    meh, this Whiplash is better
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJv8sY2CxZA

  • instant relief

    Your new ganzongas are pretty intergalactic, too. Can I touch them?

  • Jawszilla

    I would

  • instant relief

    *grope* Nice consistency!

  • Jawszilla

    Trank Stank

  • Jawszilla

    so basically what we can infer from this is, Mike Stoklasa is gay for Miles Teller

  • its called bleach

    much obliged

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Man of Steel kinda had a giant spider.

  • mister man

    You have no idea how much I loved the darker elements. Really hoping they try and push the Director’s cut to sell Blu-Rays and TRY to make up the $120 million budget.

    It’s worth seeing just to witness how so much money could be spent on so little final product.

  • Jawszilla

    My stool is dark

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What does the $ stand for?

  • Jawszilla

    on my planet it means Suckage

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’d like to see the gritty revision of Mxyzptlk.

  • Bubs

    Charity Donations.

    To themselves.

  • Alex Lee

    And didn’t go far enough in a few other places.

  • Bob Borries

    Bad Movie, Great burger!

  • Jawszilla

    I said the same thing after watchin debbie does dallas

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I did have to. I need to make up for The Village

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I thought I never say this but comparing Man of Steel or Fant4stic is more retarded than Simple Jack.

  • Bubs

    “It was something quite special, that feeling: an oppressive hideous constraint as if I were sitting with the small ghost of somebody I had just killed.” – Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

    This is how the RLM Disqus comments feel to me right now. I’m sure one day we’ll all move past this… but for me… I just can’t right now. Goodnight.

  • erichber

    Yeah, please let there be a directors cut.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *Comment section closed*

  • Markham

    Whiplash was better than Birdman? You mean you frauds made watch the winner of best movie oscar in theaters for NOTHING?

  • Fartastic

    Poor Marvel, they can’t even remove “Fantastic” from the title to prevent title-quality-discrepancy-puns, for it would sound like “Thor”. Oh well, I guess it’s stylistically designed to be that way, just like Kate Mara is stylistically designed to look like Anna Kendrick.

  • Alex Lee

    Well, enough flashbacks to infer a logical structure. Fant4stic apparently doesn’t even have that.

  • Social Media USA

    ‘Fantastic Four’ receives lacklustre reception. Is Director, Josh Trank right in criticising the studio or is he to blame?
    Share your views at http://goo.gl/Cx60TL

  • Bubs

    Fuck off, cockbot. No one wants to share their views anywhere but here.

  • Absintheminded

    Poor idiots even watching these movies, fuelling the crap-machine that makes the crap you crap on.

    Super hero movies are our cultural genocide? Yeah, I kind of agree here. Alan Moore says its like we’re refusing to grow up. We’re just clinging onto our childhood for all life, because we’re just too afraid of the rest of the world at large.

    These last few years I think audiences are seriously suffering from “superhero-fatigue”. There’s just too much of it. Birdman was indicative of things to come. Hopefully in ten years we’ll look back on this period of filmic history and laugh. Or cry.

  • Earth

    Oh thank god. I was amazed someone could fight that temptation.

  • Earth

    Nah, Gene Hackman’s Golden Age Lex was spot-on.

  • Earth

    Who are these people? Did everyone get banned while I was away (for 12 hours)?

  • Evertale

    Congratulations – you sat through Fantastic Bore. Truly, this movie must have been sunk by the Cruise Missile.
    Do you all like my silly pun?
    How not? It’s fantastic fun!

  • Jawszilla
  • I don’t think you can ever make a Fant4stic movie work. The source material is just too wacky to translate well into the language of cinema.

  • It’s FantFourStic.

  • Jawszilla

    *Fantfuckstic

  • Never change, fishy.

  • Jawszilla
  • Jawszilla

    don’t worry bro, this movie will end up on Wheel of the Worts someday soon

  • Also, guys, I’d like to hear your opinion of Whiplash apart from a 10 second throw away comment that it “was good, even better than Birdman”. You’ve been doing superhero movies for way too long.

  • Well, at least something good came out of that movie.

  • The only other site we aknowlage is Furaffinity.net because of the Plinkett review boom back in the days. You can take your site and shove it up you planethole mister!

  • “You wanna be famous?”
    “I just want my work to make a difference.”
    (Proceeds to illegally go through with experiment, with an unprepared crew, because he wants to be famous)

  • Jawszilla

    ironic thing is, the director was cut

  • Red Skeleton

    Really horrible story here. Absolutely terrifying thing to happen to a three year old child. Anyone who makes jokes about it will surely burn in hell.

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/aug/10/family-pack-everything-but-their-three-year-old-during-french-holiday-rush

  • Red Skeleton

    Why, just think about how that little girl must have screamed:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-W0PReCRg6Y

  • Evertale

    Well… changing involves taking off clothes. Some times…

  • Jeff

    Guardians of the Galaxy.

  • Jawszilla

    what she said

  • Guardians of the Galaxy hardly feels like a superhero movie. It’s a wacky space adventure film with aliens in it. The source material of Fantastic Four, I feel just isn’t good enough to even warrant a movie. Same goes for Wonder Woman or Dr Strange.

  • Jeff

    Guardians of the Galaxy. The FF fought monsters half the time and were always in space.

  • Malevolence

    Mike, “Shut the hell up Jay and get up that Fucking Mountain!”

  • Malevolence

    Wish it didn’t make as much money as it did so rights can go back to Marvel…

  • Malevolence

    Guardians of the Galaxy was shit too… sorry…. it reminded me of Chronicles of Riddick. Chris Pratt was Riddick….

  • Jeff

    you’re the only person on the planet who didn’t like it. you probably hated jurassic world, too. learn to have fun.

  • JRM

    You should watch Dragon Ball: Resurrection “F” but do absolutely no research ahead of time.

  • Malevolence

    Damn right I hated Jurassic World too, I breath with my nose

  • Jeff

    You do or else you wouldn’t have called him a weeaboo. Go back to watching TPB, druggie.

  • Bubs

    It was so hot that day… she sat down to wait for her parents to get back and got a helluva sun burn.
    http://www.travelbymexico.com/guanatr/guan4344SAF.jpg

  • No, one of the other regulars here hated it too.

  • Like Icare

    Well… It was stated before that it’s his childhood dream and the core motivator of him becoming a scientist.

    Except the movie fails to give a reasonable explanation WHY that particular childhood dream is any more valid as a reasoning for breaking the rules than that other kid dreaming of being a pro sports player because “annual celery” i.e. money.

  • Like Icare

    Clearly it was Groot who was Riddick.

  • Mick Travis

    Okay, as someone who has loved HitB since the very beginning and enjoying every single episode, I wish to launch an RLM petition: I would love the 100th episode of Half in the Bag to be released after November 6th and cover not only the new James Bond film SPECTRE as well as THE PEANUTS MOVIE. To me, that’s a hell of a box office competition; reportedly, complete creative control for THE PEANUTS MOVIE was handled by Charles Schulz’s family and contain no modern elements whatsoever, despite the music in the trailer which was put there for marketing purposes.

    Many of you will probably say that SPECTRE will do better in terms of box office dollars, but critically THE PEANUTS MOVIE may have the edge resulting in it becoming a real sleeper. Recall that we haven’t had any PEANUTS movies since 1969-1980, and yet the property has accumulated over six decades of devoted fans, many of them children who are now adults. I don’t know about all of you, but the trailer pushed my nostalgic buttons in a deep and profound way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVR4E6Q6u5g.

    What do you all think? I’d rather see this than the new STAR WARS even! 🙂

  • You do realize we’re 7 episodes away from ep 100. There is no way in hell that wil happen.

  • Bubs

    I predict that the 100th episode will contain 100 straight minutes of silence. It’s good to show contempt for your audience.

  • That would be borderline excremental.

  • Mick Travis

    I think it’s possible considering they make an average of 2-3 per month. But whatever, would love to see one on those 2 movies. 🙂

  • But that would leave the unwashed masses (namely me) craving for a new HiTB, you monster.

  • SMILE, YOU SON OF A BITCH! He’s gone again.

  • OH MY GOD!
    IT’S A PICTURE OF…
    DICK
    I MEAN WHERE DICK THE BIRTHDAY BOY WENT!

  • The only bigger frauds than them are the ones sitting in Hollywood.

  • Bubs

    Why not make a superhero movie that has nothing to do with destroying a city/planet/universe. I’d love to see something like a horror movie or slasher film, like Friday the 13th, but replace all the oversexed teens with superheroes. Put them in a situation where things are outside of their control. They’re scared, running for their lives, and even their super powers are barely good enough to save them. They try to fuck, a few of them get stabbed. They’re not trying to save the world, they just want to not get skullfucked. You know, every movie doesn’t have to be the same.

    Then at the end a blue beam shoots into the sky and a city gets destroyed. Ah fuck it.

  • Mick Travis

    Actually, now that I think about it would make more sense for the 100th episode to be on THE FORCE AWAKENS.

  • Red Skeleton

    “Oh? Review non-franchise movies? Are we still doing that? … I thought maybe we could just skip past that.”

  • tOmy`

    In the words of the wise cheerleader: Soon you gonna start appreciating Fast & Furious movies.

  • JAGUART

    I would totally watch a RLM show where Mike reviews Star Trek episodes, as long as Jay is forced to listen.

  • Marvin Falz

    I’d love to see Mike reviewing Star Trek episodes and movies too. EDIT: And I’d like to see the GMP short where he plays Spock and Rich plays Scotty.

  • Judge Frownyface

    “Mike talks over star trak episodes” would be a podcast fit for the Library of Congress.

  • JAGUART

    They could call it “Beam Me”.

  • tOmy`

    And closed comment section.

  • Marvin Falz

    Depending on the guest the audience will be beamed up or beamed down to new hights of enthusiasm or the boredom. I say Mike should be discussing Trek with Rich.

  • tOmy`

    Well, Independent already gathered some of the “best worst reviews” for F4ntaschlock:

    “Inexplicably plodding and dreary… It’s not wholesale terrible – just depressingly mediocre, and at a certain point you sort of start wishing it WERE definitively terrible, because that would at least make it more entertaining.”

    “Houston mass shooting: Five children and three adults found dead after police shoot-out”

    “A dawdling indie drama, gussied up in superhero garb.”

    “My notebook usually remains near my lap, but at this movie, it made involuntary trips over my mouth to cover all of my gasping. The entire experience is shameful.”

    “Please enjoy this video of Donald Trump trying to sell steaks”

    “[This film should be] ignored for the unremarkable – and completely familiar corporate bowel movement that it is”

    “Miley Cyrus questions why Taylor Swift is a better role model when there are guns in her ‘Bad Blood’ video”

  • JAGUART

    With Jay tied to a chair.

  • Marvin Falz

    omitted will love it.

  • tOmy`

    Pixar version would work.

  • Earth

    *did

  • Joe

    Jay and Mike: Great
    Jay’s Mic: Terrible

    Thanks for the content though, hackfrauds.

  • Sully

    I always thought Venom would make a great villain in a “scarier” superhero film, that was based more in horror than epic world-saving-schlock.

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/0c/b5/c5/0cb5c5f47cb869702b558abc0160740e.jpg

  • Bhazor

    I remember in the Antman video a lot of people saying that the Marvel films were not going to fail because they keep hiring interesting writers and directors. That although the Marvel films are basically soul less cash machines their use of talent tempers the corporate aspect. That as long as talented directors continue to drive the universe it will just keep getting better.

    Now this has happened. Corporate suits over ruling their hired talent.

    All I can say is good, the sooner Hollywood gets over its comic book obsession the happier I’ll be.

  • instant relief

    Mike’s Jay: Blazing

  • Earth

    Doctor Doom is the leader of some country right? Could we just have an entire movie about his election campaign, or takeover or whatever?

  • It certainly wasn’t the first time that happened. *cough* Alien 3 *cough*

    Asterisk: I still found Alien 3 enjoyable.

  • Marvin Falz

    So Mike recommends Fantastic Fore, a foray into golfing, foreshadowing a new Plinkett on some shitty golf movie? Now that thought doesn’t hit a hole, right?!

  • Two Words: Happy Gilmore.

  • Judge Frownyface

    Dorf On Golf would make for quite a mediocre BOTW.

  • They should do it the way some 80s and 90s TV shows did. Make it an episode with highlights of the best moments. Just to show that little extra contempt.

  • Earth

    It’s weird people were saying that on the Ant-Man video considering they had the same problem with Edgar Wright. There’ll come a breaking point I think, when directors will just say “fuck you” to the studios.

    The studio decisions are always the worst. If I recall, they were responsible for Venom being in Spider-Man 3.

  • Did I say wacky? I meant shitty.

  • Kenlin Bros

    Isn’t that a problem of having child stars become adult stars?

    The child stars are chosen because they look like cute kids, and then they turn out to look like terrifying kid grown-ups like Haley Joel Osment.

  • Earth

    That would make sense considering there’s already a sequel in there with Carnage.

  • Sully

    It could work fine. It would just need to be more like Interstellar with Superheroes, and less like Avengers.

  • It’s fine to have Venom in a Spider-Man movie… but it needs to be done right. That wasn’t it.

  • Earth

    Which is why the studio decision was a bad one.

  • Sully
  • Sully

    Word.

  • But isn’t Carnage all about destruction and murder? That would be a straight up slasher not a horror movie.

  • Earth

    I don’t know much about the super duper heroes, but I do remember how Venom and especially Carnage just seemed to be totally nightmarish (perfect for children of course)

    http://cdn1.sciencefiction.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Carnage.png

  • tOmy`

    Fuck this superhero shit, it’s not quite my tempo, I wanna talk about how awesome Whiplash is!

  • Sully
  • Like Icare

    I love the bit where he is pussywhipped by being accused that he’s a pussy.

    And how it was all thus Sue’s fault.
    Women also made men eat apples and get chased out of the garden of Eden, you know?

  • tOmy`

    Absolutely agree.

    I always wanted a stand-alone movie about Shocker just robbing banks.

  • Sully

    I felt like that movie rushed in some areas while dragging in others.

    Bah dum tshhhh….

    Pound Sign: TwoTopicalJokesInOneComment

  • Bhazor

    I’ve always like Spider Man 3. Evil Peter Parker is just so much fun. His evil plan to steal cookies from his (way cuter than Mary Jane) neighbour, playing boogie woogie in the middle of a bar fight, strutting down Park Avenue looking like a twelve year old pimp.

  • Earth

    Who wouldn’t love a movie where James Franco takes a grenade to the face?

  • Sully

    Yeah, just a cops & robbers-type movie that revolves around Spider-Man trying to catch Shocker, a villain that no one can touch without being instantly electrocuted.

  • tOmy`

    You think I am fucking stupid? I noticed that as well.

    #AreWeFuckingDoingThis?

  • Sully

    Yes.

    Pound Sign: Yes.

  • tOmy`

    Does anyone else feel a bit depressed whenever they use a footage of these actors / directors trying to bullshit their way through interview?

  • Marvin Falz

    Yes, it’s so undignified.

    #undignified

  • Earth

    Thinking about villains, could we actually just make a straight body-horror movie about the origins of some of them? I want a movie that shows in painstaking detail how Killer Croc changed from a human into a monster.

  • Wasn’t he like that from the beginning? Weird genetic disease and ridicule?

  • tOmy`

    My idea was that Shocker is just a guy robbing banks. After a great heist a second one goes wrong and Shocker needs to gather some money to escape or something. In the words of F&F: One last ride, one last job, then we are out. He is then approached by Kingpin who offers him the shooting fists or whatever-the-fuck Shocker uses to pull a proper heist, gather all the money and fuck off; but there is a twist to it: Kingpin offers this help only if Shocker pulls something big enough to get an attention from Spidey and use those fistexplodingfuckers to take him down.

    After their own fight scene, Shocker accidentally discovers Spidey’s identity, kidnaps Aunt May and that all leads to a final showdown when they try to figure this shit out.

    Basically heist movie meets superhero universe.

  • Bubs

    Yeah, killer croc was born that way. But still, it could be a great coming-of-age story about a boy who looks like a monster and is ridiculed his whole life. Unable to cope with being an outsider, he turns to a life of crime…

  • Nightmarish looks don’t necessarily make a good horror flick. One of the first rules of good horror is NOT to show your monster (probably also because it’s a guy in a rubber suit/a bad CG model).

  • Sully

    I’d love to see some villain origin stories. Hell, I’d love a Spider-Man movie where we just see Venom taking control of him, and then being torn away and having to find a new host.
    There were some really neat concepts brought up in Spider-Man 3 dealing with Venom, but since we were already having to handle 2 other villains, there was never an opportunity to explore those ideas.

    A film about the Joker’s origins would be really interesting too. They could explore his path leading up to his discovery of Batman and the hows and whys of his obsession with the Cape Crusader.

  • Domo

    Why can’t Sam Raimi re-boot the fantastic four, and have Roger Corman be the financial advisor for the film?

    You’ll have Raimi’s earnestness, and Corman might even toss a Carnosaur prop into the film to even further save costs!

  • Like Icare
  • tOmy`
  • Joe

    I think eventually we will just be able to do a supercut of Mike going “That reminds me of a episode of Star Trek…” for every single episode of Star Trek ever, which would be just as good.

  • JAGUART

    Season 1 was revelatory.
    Season 2 was ordinary.

  • Sully

    You’re being too creative, Domo. Hollywood doesn’t like that.

  • Sully
  • Joe

    Good point about the movies. Yes, I think one thing RedLetterMedia could really benefit from is Mike Stoklasa doing some sort of video review of the Star Trek movies. Maybe he could even do it in some sort of character.. or something. That’s such a good suggestion I feel like they are such idiots for never thinking of it themselves.

    Get on it, hackfrauds!

  • JAGUART

    Mike should always preface his comment with the episode’s season, number and title, like a good Trek nerd.

  • tOmy`

    I always say that if this comment section got their shit together, we could have written and sold a great script to Hollywood and use the money to bail Omie out.

  • Joe

    *throws chair at everybody*

  • Like Icare

    Man of Steel had basically the exact scene as described and laid out for Superman Lives.
    Down to thousands of baby spiders bursting out of the giant spider and Superman fighting tentacles.
    And it had a carved Australopithecus skull cause Peters just loves Lucy.

    Those things were obvious Peters influences.

  • Sully

    You approach it like an Alien film, where you only get those fleeting glimpses till the end. Venom is just in New York abducting Superheroes (Dare Devil, Punisher, Black Cat, etc.) to turn into new Venom’esque creations, and the film follows Spider-Man as our lead protagonist.

  • Earth

    From what I gathered, he’s regressing right? So there’s your sympathetic start right there. Boy born with scales, laughed at and treated like a freak, parents hate him etc. Then during puberty he develops more and more, getting bigger as well, maybe even grow a tail. All in really slow, bloody, painful detail.

    Killer Croc was just an example anyway.

  • Marvin Falz

    Yeah, JAGUART’s idea is good. I mean, the Star Trek Plinkett’s benefit from Mike’s love for Star Trek. I like to watch Half in the Bag, but you can tell the difference between movies they really enjoyed to watch and the ones they didn’t enjoy, which seem to be most of the movies they review. I guess, I’m saying that a little more enthusiasm from watching captivating stories would do some good.

  • Bubs

    This is a great idea. Except we’ll replace Sam Raimi with Michael Bay for his creative style, and Roger Corman with… George Lucas!

    That way we’ll have Michael Bay’s love for misogyny and George Lucas’ ability to shove in as much crap as we can make into toys… t-shirts… video-games…. spinoffs… cereals… more toys…. movies…. tv shows…. books…

    I mean, your idea is good, but this way we can ensure that we all die in money-related accidents!

  • tOmy`

    I love most of the “main” Spidey villains, they are just great combination of cool and badass. But they always suck so bad in movies, I just wish they would just let it go already.

    I want my Scarecrow-esque Mysterio fucking with everyone’s mind.
    Venom and Carnage in a horror flick.
    Electro actually using electricity to his advantage.
    Vulture being a supreme assassin as he can freaking fly. I can already picture him with a sniper rifle, searching for another victim to suck its youth out and Spidey being obviously the only one fast / agile enough to catch him.
    Sandman creating sandstorms.

    SOMETHING!

    But hey, I guess Captain America is about to punch RDJ’s ego or something.

  • Sully

    Don’t talk to strangers. Leave the area and tell an adult.

  • Earth

    “Yeah, killer croc was born that way”

    Could we make a movie about his foetus developing then? Show in horrifying detail how his scales grow.

  • Sully

    I actually liked Sandman in the Spider-Man 3. I liked his side story, I liked his creation scene, and I liked how his powers were represented. In fact, I think he was the only thing I enjoyed about that whole movie.

  • Domo

    It’s funny watching older HiTBs now and seeing Mike make Star Trek references without Jay losing his mind, or making annoyed faces, or even showing mild discontent.

  • tOmy`

    As GrumPa’s court is now in recess, I’ll allow this for him.

  • Earth

    I thought it was

    STOP. DON’T TOUCH. LEAVE THE AREA AND TELL AN ADULT!

  • tOmy`

    It’s a very similar case to having a friend who is slowly turning alcoholic. At the beginning, you just sorta laugh at him downing 15 beers in one session, falling over a chair and flirting with a barstool.

    But as the situation progress throughout years, you start acting a bit worried and scared, as your friend fights 18 goth kids on a top of a cop car and now I want this movie to be made.

  • Sully

    If you’re a pedophile on probation, sure.

  • JAGUART

    Compared to now, where Jay is developing a nervous tic. If the Trek references continue, in the future Jay will break into a seizure.

  • Like Icare

    It is not wacky… It’s stupid tripe for small children. Extra sanitized just to be sure.

    GoG is your classic rag-tag team of seemingly incompatible characters who despite their differences and faults manage not only to work together but to be “legendary” by the circumstances they are thrown in.
    It’s the same thing that brings Luke, Han, Leia, R2, C-3PO, Chewbacca and Obi Wan.
    Lucas even shoves a quote which summarizes it all into Leia’s mouth in the novelization – “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally they became heroes.”
    It’s basically the same thing that John McClane gets shouted at him.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OyxfXQ4MGLQ#t=55

    Hero must have the task forced upon him. He can’t just go look for adventure. That’s what irresponsible assholes do. Adventure, hrmph. Excitement, bah.

    F4 is a story of three pals + a sister, having “adventures”.
    That’s a group dynamic and the story template that works only for the stories involving little kids boys.
    Which is fine in a comic aimed at little boys and retarded adults who can’t read books without pictures in them. Which is what comics were at the time. And worse.

    The moment those kids hit puberty… It is no longer a story about kids.
    First sister + a non-brother start breaking up that dynamic by getting romantically involved.
    Second, the moment they are not little kids any more they start having responsibilities of an adult – i.e. they are assholes if they still just fuck around having adventures.

    An “adventurer” is NOT an epithet for an adult person.
    It’s synonymous with opportunist, gambler, speculator…
    It’s a word with really bad connotations like unreliable, irresponsible and untrustworthy.

    I don’t want my country to be run by adventurers. Nor do I want an adventurer to be my doctor. Adventurer preparing my food? Fuck that. Adventurer running my bank? I’d like to close my account. YESTERDAY!

    An adventurer scientist?
    Bring me my pitchfork, o clouds unfold, bring me my torch of fire!
    http://image.toutlecine.com/photos/f/i/a/fiancee-de-frankenstein-22-g.jpg
    EXPLORER scientists work – but then that’s Star Trek. And not the ones made by Jar Jar Abrams.

    And there’s still that broken dynamic inside the group.
    Two are a couple. OK. What about the other two guys in the team?
    Oh, Johnny is a skirt chaser. OK. Fits the character.
    But what about Ben?
    What does Ben do on the nights when Reed and Sue are playing “how far does it stretch” and Johnny is out chasing tail?
    Build model boats? Drink himself to sleep? Pounds sand? Oh right!
    They gave him a blind wom… oh… Oh…

    Are Lee an Kirby arguing that handicapped people are freaks?
    Cause they sure do associate those two. Right, right, she sees his soul…
    But what about Ben? He sees himself as “fit only for a blind woman”.

    But seriously, F4 team dynamic can only work if they are a FAMILY, with Ben and Johnny being the big kids, and Sue and Reed taking up the function of mommy and daddy.
    Which is one of the things Alba-Evans-Gruffudd-Chiklis version got right.
    It missed a lot of other things, but it is a much better movie than it is given credit. Well… the first one is.

    Second one… Well… Original story is not bad.
    But it is a mega-crossover with X-men and Avengers and Mahr Vehl and it simply can’t be stripped of all that and still be any good.
    Sure… that story has issues too (particularly the bits written by Millar) but at least it is awesome.
    The cloud monster Galactus is just… stupid.

  • Earth

    Eddie Eagle should’ve followed his own advise.

  • Like Icare

    That’s basically what happens in the “dark and depressing future” parts of Days of Future Past.
    Apart from the blue beam. There’s no blue beam in that movie. There are blue tits though.

  • tOmy`

    Is it a good sign that I burst into laughter at the very first second of the last True Detective episode? I let you decide…

    but the answer is: Most likely not.

  • I’m sold. But the logic of MCU would require separate films for all those superheroes. I’m sure we’ll inevitably get a Punisher movie at some point.

  • JustSomeLurkerFromDownbelow

    I just can’t decide whether to see this in theaters or not. I had already almost made up my mind not to, but this review piqued my interest again.

  • Like Icare

    Star Wars “I Fuckin Love Starwars” Part 7 would be a perfect subject for the Episode 100 (Get it?) and I do believe that they could pull off that schedule.

    BUT!!!
    It would also be great for a Plinkett review AND for the RLM Holiday Special.

    All of those are preestablished traditions now.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    I remember Harry Knowles making this point way before even the first FF movie came out. It could work – think Mad Men but Don Draper has stretchy limbs.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    Wasn’t Eoin Grufford (?) in his late 30s in the first two ?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Brilliant. Elephant in the Room. (Which I know is not a reference to me because you couldn’t have known that phrase was the inspiration for my avatar change months ago.)

    Fox, you sir, will be a successful minion of Hollywood one day, but your minion-ship won’t last long since your wit and cleverness will allow you to fairly rapidly take over that dank cesspool of pop cultural regurgitation. At that point, I hope you will remember those of them still here and pop in just to see how they are snarking on your projects and damning you as a sell-out, because, well, internet. And then you can chuckle and think to yourself, “Ah, good times.”

    END SCENE

  • Welcome Back Otter

    How has ‘not my tempo!’ not become one of the most famous lines in cinema history yet? I mean, ‘show me the money!’ made it into the lexicon. More people need to watch this movie!

  • Captain Turbo

    Fantastic Fizzle, my nizzle.

  • Bubs

    Yeah… but, while I liked DoFP, the part where Magneto controls a bunch of robots by bending metal beams into their skeleton really threw me off. I don’t know why THAT was the part which broke my suspension of disbelief, but it was. And anyways, the “running for their lives” part was only a small part of the movie, and essentially a dream sequence, which breaks all tension.

  • John

    Hey guys!!!!!. There is a terrible noise in the camera that is on Jay!!!! It’s really painful when you are using headphones.

  • Like Icare

    It’s called fremdschamen.

    It’s German for “I want to facepalm myself to death after witnessing someone else’s actions”.

  • Like Icare

    It’s no more a dream sequence than all things that happened before Marty McFly goes back to 1955.
    Like… Practically the entire second movie.

    Timeline got rewritten, but all those things did happen.

    Just ask Logan how he feels seeing all those people alive again after witnessing them die. Or having to kill some of them, like Jean Grey.

  • tOmy`

    Is this all some kind of a practical joke?

  • Sully

    Thanks, pa. That means almost something coming from that black abyss you call a heart. When I’m standing at that mic at the academy awards, yours will be amongst the names I mention.

  • Domo

    For what they’re getting paid and what they’re paid to do, it’s definitely depressing to see actors not give it their best.

    If I promoted a product I was paid to promote in that way, I’d probably be fired.

  • tOmy`

    “That fucker GrumPa Kent.”

  • TMC_Sherpa

    Ant-Man is a Disney Marvel movie while Fantastic Four is a Fox Marvel movie. If history is anything to go by they will both have to learn from their own stupid mistakes while ignoring the mistakes of others. It’s like a worse not invented here complex.

  • tOmy`

    True Detective S2 Finale

    I am speechless, so I am just gonna say: Thank fuck for 90 minutes runtime, because this gave writers a chance to cram so much comedy into this masterpiece, that I don’t even know where to start.

    Bonus points:
    Vaugn’s wife telling him: You can’t act for shit.
    That ship was totally called Great Escape.
    Singer came back!
    Vultures. Fucking vultures, man.
    Ending guessable within the first 40 minutes.
    Knives.

    Now I am off to upload this episode into a cloud, because this deserves a ManHole viewing with Wifey. Let’s hope it’s gonna get uploaded. GET IT?! I guess the light didn’t win in this one.

  • This film could have been a moderate success if they’d stuck with the director’s original version. Or they could have gone down the route of the recent FF films and just executed that concept a lot better, with decent actors. instead the studio panicked, flip-flopped and we got a film that will be of little appeal to anyone. Ho hum.

  • Robotpals

    Look, I love RLM (even Jack), and Half in the Bag is one of the best movie review shows on the information superhighway, but what’s with the not Best of the Worsting in between the things?!?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    stop getting me hyped up. this season had many moments of “so bad it’s good” but an entire episode like that would be too much for my weak heart to take.

  • tOmy`

    It’s the perfect ending we didn’t want, but we absolutely deserved.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’m gonna watch it by myself first. If it’s really that good then it’s manhole rewatch party cloberring time.

  • If Sam Raimi gets the chanse and could ham things up and land somewhere inbetween SpiderMan and Evil dead I would call it a sucessful movie. Fanboys would be furious Hollywood would never try the Fantastic boore again and we would be entertained cus of the shlockfest. I would laugh chocking on popcorn in the cinema and think that there is hope for mankind.

  • tOmy`

    All bullshit aside: It ain’t that bad. For what is worth, I was bored only once during those 90 minutes.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Most likely yes. Nic Pizza probably thought he was gonna be subversive with this season but it comes off more like a middle finger to[not that large amount of people]who critized his writting on S1.

  • tOmy`

    You don’t get it, man, it’s supposed to be pulpish!!!!!!! TRIPLE A, DO YOU EVEN AV CLUB, bro?!

    I really wished for the ending song to be Kanye’s POWER. Just try to imagine it when the end titles come on.

  • Thomas Hunt

    This isn’t a Marvel Marvel movie, though.

  • instant relief

    Oh, shit, I forgot Google’s URL again. FFS.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    They need to release a special edition of this episode in order to fix that.

    Add some ewoks in that background to make it more dense as well.

  • Looks like things are nearly back to normal.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    have you stopped taking your brain medicine?

  • instant relief

    It’s no biggie. I just AltaVista’d it.

  • Ow, that fucking hurt.

  • It’s gonna be great!

  • John Bigbootay

    Mid thirties. Still, other actors are older in their 30s or 40s but still have more boyish looks.

    I just think Gruffudd didn’t look good as Mr.Fantastic. Better than the newest one for sure, but that fake grey wasn’t convincing me he was mature.

  • They seem to want to be by hiring indie directors to make these, but then they puss out during screenings I guess.

  • Do you still have a geocities website?

  • instant relief

    Yeah, they’re keeping the servers running just for me.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    MRW Jay&Mike proclaim Whiplash to be the best movie of 2014:

    http://i.imgur.com/VndOm.gif

  • It just stick out so badly in the film, plus the fact they essentially say “YEAH, FUCK NEIL ARMSTRONG!” when they reach their conclusion.

  • John Bigbootay

    Had a hard time caring for anyone in the show, or the crime, or the story, but there was a tinge of satisfaction when they attacked that house.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    FUCK THE PAIN AWAY

  • dollar store cashier wife

    also am I being crazy or is that Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up playing in the background 15:20

  • Commander X

    Fantastic Four? More like Fantastically La-BOR-ed! just like my try at wordplay.

  • tOmy`

    Yup, exactly my feelings; We said it here few times that we don’t give a flying fuck about anything in that show… and that is a massive problem.

    It was all just a confusing mess that had its share of great, mediocre, bad, awful and comedy gold moments. My biggest praise would be the fact that they managed to keep all the side characters in play and quite effectively I might add. And Vince not being a massive disappointment. When he was playing a badass, he somehow worked out. The problem is that he was fed such shitty lines sometimes that I understand he didn’t know what to do. His dialogue with his wife at the beginning of this episode was a prime example of that:

    They couldn’t act for shit because the lines and actions they were given were pointless, meaningless and deranged from reality.

    But hey, it wasn’t a total clusterfuck of a season and it is still better than most of the TV shows. It was just disappointing from HBO standards point of view.

  • tOmy`

    It does sound like it, but I don’t think it is the song… maybe some kind of a weird loop / remix?

  • Mark Bisone

    When are we gonna get our dark, gritty horror reboot of The Wonder Twins?

    “Wonder Twin powers activate!”

    “Form of… the Gormec Avalanche!”

    “Shape of… the Bubonic Plague!”

  • ReviewTheReviewers

    Fuck that, plinkett me already. Stop wasting my time you fucks.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    honestly that comment enough for me. maybe those 10 seconds will be enough for some ignoramus to discover this masterpiece.

  • You wanna know how to make a good live-action adaptation of the Fantastic Four?

    Make it a TV series, and write it like Star Trek, except on Earth and with superpowers. With a competent crew (or more accurately, just one who cares), they actually aren’t that hard to adapt.
    The problem comes from the fact that because they aren’t really traditional, crime-fighting superheroes, there’s really no way you can do a proper origin were there’s a good balance exploration, exposition, and the obligatory fight with a bad guy in just 90 minutes or 2 hours, without it feeling bloated.

  • Jean-François Martel

    goddamn, y’all have been fast at putting those reviews out lately. i command your hard work you hack frauds!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you’re forgetting Pa Kent and Mark Bisone.

    There are dozens of us. DOZENS!

  • Yeah, Raimi wanted to establish the suit in the third movie, but not actually have Venom appear until the VERY end in order to set him up as the villain in a fourth film. 3 was supposed to be solely Sandman-centric.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    a drama movie has drama in it? shocking and mind blowing insight Roger Ebert please enlighthen us some more!

  • Like Icare

    Don’t ever watch Moonlight Mile.
    Yes, there’s an obligatory fanservice scene of fucking in every episode.
    But if you wanna see what “Fuck Neil Armstrong” really looks like…

    Watch this to the end. It’s minute and a half.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXa9VUCZMx4

  • Earth

    Could it be animated? You know, like the comic books these damned movies are based on.

  • I actually had an idea like this once. You have a typical horror set-up, either a slasher whose trying to pick-off teens, or people trapped in some sort of Hellraiser/the Cube-esque facility.
    What the antagonist doesn’t realize is that among the intended victims, there’s either a character with superpowers, or some sort of Rambo/Batman guy whose just extremely skilled and able to turn the whole affair on it head.
    Or hell, maybe even another horror movie character that’s either trying to kill the others itself, or it’s in retirement and just wanted to live peacefully with it’s new friends.

  • Honestly, I’d prefer that. Especially because nothing in live action can do any of the trippy Kirby imagery of the older comics justice. But if they really wanted to do it live, I think going the Daredevil route would almost be the best course of action. Just sans the grittiness, and more emphasis on the wonder of exploring and family togetherness and all that.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you’re a sith lord(also a good user of this community) Palpy. stop pretending you need to beg for forgiveness for some non existent “sin” (I’ll repeat again-info that can be googled in 5 minutes and is generally wortheless-that you did not even looked up yourself of all things-merely just reposted someone’s else findings! is not worthy of a permaban. period.)

  • Mark Bisone

    I knew these frauds couldn’t actually be in charge. Crack that whip, Johnny!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’ve stayed the fuck away from that movie (and from Superman Returns), and I plan to keep it that way.

  • Palpatine

    Clearly what I did was worth a permanent ban.

  • Sully

    Or don’t give them a stand-alone film and have FOX just sell the rights back to Marvel where they can make cameo appearances in Avenger films as aids to a crisis, where S.H.I.E.L.D. needs a little scientific help dealing with super villains like Thanos or Galactus.
    They won’t need any origin stories. How they got their powers can be glossed over in passing exposition. Done.

    There are WAY too many characters in the Marvel Universe to give every character their own stand-alone film. Later, if popularity allows it, THEN you do a film based solely on those characters.

  • Jason Ross

    Hi
    America (Ferguson) needs more role models such as the Human Turch peace be upon him and less worship of dead thug

    Sorry for Enlgish not perfect I am of Bangladeshi

  • Clint Page

    If you want to make a good Fantastic Four movie, you’ve got to make a kooky period piece set in the 60’s. That comic book is and always has been about the promise of the Kennedy years. Get Doc Hammer and Jackson Publick to direct.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Also one of them can actually act while the other coudn’t act her way out of a paper bag.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Are any of them better in the comics? In the movies all of them are one dimensional clowns-nothing more then a punching bag for Avengers “witty dialogue XD” I have no idea why anyone gets hyped for Thanos(once again in movies only). He looks and acts about as generic as a villian in these movies can act.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “insert sexual pun here”

    r.i.p. ommie:(

  • Earth

    I just find all of these live action movies silly. The medium is a comic book, so why aren’t these movies animated?

    Oh right, because live action makes more money. Sigh.

  • Percy Gryce

    So Whiplash was the best movie of last year? Now you tell me?!?

  • Percy Gryce

    Great callback.

  • Jean-François Martel

    Friday the 13th: New Blood, or Dream Warriors, You’re Next… we need more of those tbh.

  • Thanatos2k

    This movie bombed. Thank god.

  • Mark Bisone

    Whiplash is a great film. I was surprised at how flippantly Mike said “better than Birdman,” though. Birdman is also a brilliant film about art and artists, and it has ‘splosions.

  • Like Icare

    No need to be on Earth.
    Original story is compatible with both Star Trek and Stargate means of transportation.
    The issue is with making it based on Star Trek underlying logic of explorer scientists – NOT crime fighters or superheroes.

    And we are no longer allowed that.

    Now everything is a mystery or a conspiracy.
    Which is a case of juvenile and uneducated logic bordering on mental illness, started with X-Files, becoming mainstream.

    Where any knowledge that isn’t hidden or secret is worthless.
    A paranoid delusion where if some thing was worth anything – someone would have stolen/hidden/taken it by now or would have tried to sell it to you.So, if the knowledge of the secret conveys power and exceptionality, thus making it valuable – knowledge of non-secret must be less valuable or worthless, and it makes one to be common and uninteresting.

    And we can’t sell common and uninteresting. Nobody would buy common and uninteresting.

  • Percy Gryce

    So Whiplash is not an Ironman spin-off?

  • Palpatine

    I watched Birdman the other night and thought it was really damn good.

  • Mark Bisone

    It will be now. Hollywood is like reverse-Rumpelstiltskin

  • Skewed_View

    I’m not going to scream that Fox needs to give FF back to Marvel, because I don’t want to see a MCU Fantastic Four movie, either. I just want Fox to let go of Silver Surfer, I want to see that guy zipping around the MCU galaxy.

  • Percy Gryce

    Even Hollywood’s nonsuperhero movies have superhero movie titles: Nightcrawler, Birdman, Whiplash, Boyhood, wait, what?

  • tOmy`

    They didn’t cue us in on time.

  • Jason Ross

    The drum solo at the end took 12 years to make.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I would rank three films above Birdman from 2014-Whiplash,Mommy and The Babadook.

  • Mark Bisone

    I think you mean Boyz in the Hood. It starred Ice Man and Iron Man’s first army buddy.

  • tOmy`

    *This movie Tranked. Trank god.

  • Alex Lee

    The whole idea of Nolanizing them seemed like a bad idea to begin with. I know half of the trailers aren’t in the movie, but a few months ago, it’s all we had to work with. The tone of those trailers was dark and brooding and involved a blue laser of some sort. Everything looked drab and said “there’s no fun allowed in this movie.”

    I guess the movie fulfilled that promise then; there was no fun allowed. Unfortunately, coherence wasn’t allowed either.

  • Mark Bisone

    Haven’t seen “Mommy” (nor any of young master Dolan’s work) but I have seen Babadook, which is a very good psychological horror flick. I rank it up there with “Rosemary’s Baby” in that capacity.

  • Alex Lee

    We might get rated R Sue Storm nudity with Michael Bay which would be neat…except she’ll be a sixteen year-old girl and Reed Richards will be carrying his rape license.

  • Like Icare
  • Justin D.

    I want them to get the rights back so they can get the rights to the skrulls and the Watcher back.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Gryce and Bisone ride again! It’s been awhile.

  • Alex Lee

    I think the key difference between Marvel and Fox/Sony Entertainment is that the higher-ups actually understand the nature of their characters because they have an archive of published works to go through. Combined with their metric data, they can get a better picture of what fans want. Somehow, I doubt Fox/Sony executives devote those kinds of resources to the artistic side of their superhero properties. Because they only see a product, they only understand a slick-looking pitch (it’s the F4, but dark and gritty!) and fail to understand the artistic core that made the original work.

  • Mark Bisone

    The most anticipated reunion since Sonny Bono and a tree!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I thought that was Jabba the Hutt to Princess Leia.

  • Sully

    A proper Galactus would be nice as well.

    http://i.imgur.com/tYaurV8.jpg

  • WrongWithYourFace

    #Crochood

  • WrongWithYourFace

    No worries; he deleted himself again.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Geez. Pedophile probation is the worst.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Wondered if you guys were even going to bother with this.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Wait, is it okay to upvote? I’m having that same dilemma when someone shares a link about some horrible disaster on Facebook and you don’t know whether you should like it because it was interesting, or not because people think you’re a psycho.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’ve read that, yes. The character would never make his way to the big screen looking like that, though. I just want too see the gritty version of him that actually looks gritty. Kind of like the Fantastics in this movie look nothing like hte characters they represent.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    First Domo and now Palpy. I’m now se7enth on the Wall… This isn’t how I imagined my climb.

  • Palpatine

    He’ll probably be some CGI monstrosity played by Benedict Cabagepatch.

  • Sully

    I don’t mind CG when done well (Planet of the Apes films). That said, he would be extremely hard to pull off, but it could be done.

  • Sully

    It was all for nothing, as I haven’t benefitted at all.

    Pound Sign: MissYaOmie

  • Palpatine

    He should use his phone’s 3G to make comments like I’m doing.

  • Palpatine

    You’re too overconfident in
    Nightmare World, you should be an old grump like me and GrumPa.

  • Domo

    It would make Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” a more interesting song. People just dying, disappearing, and deleting themselves as Miley’s wrecking ball devastates the countryside.

  • SeanLM

    I just want Marvel to get the rights back so they can bury the property like Ghost Rider and Blade in some vault. Hopefully, it’s too toxic to ever contemplate rebooting. This genre would benefit greatly from merely subtracting its output.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Hey Omy, if you’re lurking in the mists still, whisper “bundt cake” into my ear at your leisure (or feel free to substitute your favorite food…).

  • Domo

    On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is the FF franchise just a “Anything to keep the rights” at this point? Is the blood between Disney and Fox so sour that Fox would willingly shoot themselves in the foot?

    The spouse is saying 10, I’m saying 9.7.

  • Sully

    I can’t. Not yet. CG’s a remarkable tool when used correctly. Sure the flip-side is pure shit, but when it’s done well we have the opportunity to tell stories that couldn’t have been convincingly told otherwise.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Loved Jay’s “Oh.. we’re still doing that?” “Can’t we just skip past that?” at the end.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    are they blocking IPs? that’s brutal, yo.

  • Sully

    Yes and agreed.

  • its called bleach

    tbh im glad they did. id rather hear a discussion about a movie with interesting elements that failed than a movie everyone knew was gonna fail

  • Mark Bisone

    I have a theory that all of the most boneheaded decisions in that business boil down to someone giving or receiving the wrong blowjob.

  • Domo

    The Worst Little Gofers: The Movie.

  • Sully

    They definitely rushed this turd out the door to keep the rights. The problem is, if the studio would’ve trusted Josh Trank’s vision and have stayed out of his way, at least the turd would’ve been polished.
    FOX has made a habit of fucking with Directors’ work (Trank, Fincher, Hood) with disastrous results every time.

  • Domo

    I want Christopher Guest to do a mockumentary on making superhero films.

    It’s time.

  • Sully

    I want Christopher Guest to get an account so he can choose a proper surname.

  • Mark Bisone

    I just flashed on Eugene Levy in one of those mo-cap suits, covered in sensors while he hollers at a spandex-clad Ed Begley Jr. I agree, this must happen.

  • Domo

    Eugene Levy will do the mythos of The Silver Streaker right, in the way no other actor could.

  • Palpatine

    I bet our pals at Batman News loved this review.

  • Thom Wilson

    Marvel hasn’t really done horror all that much have they? They really oughta. That’s a lot of squandered potential.

  • Samuel D Jordan

    Yes, the Skulls (though it would take some retconning to explain why Ronan the Accuser didn’t attack them in Guardians), Silver Surfer, and Galactus need to be belong to Marvel. I wouldn’t mind Fantastic Four being a team of now retired super heroes from the 60s like Hank Pym was in Ant Man though.

  • Samuel D Jordan

    Exactly my thoughts. Make in the 60s and more of a comedy adventure sort of like Ghostbusters was.

  • Samuel D Jordan

    I agree with you both, this and Silver Surfer are ones that can do far better animated than live action, especially because of that Jack Kirby psychedelic weirdness.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I think they have the rights for Ghost Rider now… but absolutely no one wants another Ghost Rider movie. Not even Nicholas Cage.

  • Stephen Norman

    And go back to the original venom. I know I’m in the > 1% here, but the tongue is just silly and distracting. The original concept is much more chilling and nightmarish.

    http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100629190244/spiderman/images/5/55/010_Hi,_Honey…I%27m_Home!.jpg

  • Sully

    I’ve heard they’re looking into a spin-off connected MCU that deals with Marvel’s darker themed characters (Blade, Ghost Rider, etc). I could get down with that, as long as they’re not PG-13 fluff.
    Blade (and hopefully now Deadpool) proved that R-rated comic book films can work really well.

  • Malevolence

    I would watch a redemption movie… Redemption regarding the movie, not the character. Like I would watch a Daredevil movie, hoping it will take the bad taste out of our…… eyes?…. of the last movie

  • SeanLM

    Probably when they make a Blade, Ghost Rider, Morbius, Man-Thing and Son of Satan, team-up movie.

  • Jay Stein

    wasn’t that one of the X-Men movies?

  • Sully

    The tongue is part of his character now, but I agree it doesn’t need to be wagging in every scene. Just use it much like the tongue-mouths used by xenomorphs.

  • Like Icare

    Nah… It would just be a turd with a different wrapping around it.
    You can tell from the interviews that nobody was into that movie and that there was no clear idea what the fuck they are doing there.

  • No matter because we’re still going to need a bigger boat.

  • Sully

    Semi-true. I haven’t seen the film yet, but from what I’ve heard, the first hour of the film (the part that has the most Trank stank on it) is the best part, and it’s obvious the film fell apart at around the 50min mark, when it becomes apparent someone else had their shit scratchers all up in the mix, stinkin’ up the batter.
    While I don’t think it could’ve ever have been top tier superhero action, I’m willing to bet Trank’s version would’ve at least hit the 50% mark on Rotten Tomatoes.

  • Sully
  • WrongWithYourFace

    You mean a bigger lifeboat once we all have to abandon the Diqus ship?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    PG-13 horror with obligatory set ups for future “cinematic universe” movies? I’d rather gouge out my fucking eyes.

  • SeanLM

    It’s like eating rat poison. It really is a good idea.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Even at death, I still can’t beat omitted…

    …Because I miss him so much.

    #:(

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s what Universal wanted, but that Dracula movie bombed.

  • Stephen Norman

    I could live with that.

    I’d also like to see a Wolverine movie with a hard R, something like the latest Dredd movie. It has nothing to do with staying true to the character, just a realistic look at the character. He’s a character with nearly unlimited healing and unbreakable metal claws–a movie about him should be a non-stop bloodbath. I want to see a Wolverine ripping enemies to shreds, literally. Call it There Should Be Blood. Because claws; there really should be blood, dammit. And body parts, dismemberments, agonized screaming, alarming over-the-top gore. Right now, he’s not really awesome at all, because there’s no believability. It’s a complete disconnect between “he has razor sharp claws and an explosive tenacity” and “oh, mild violence . . .” All the fanboys gush about how much of a badass he is. Then show it. Again, I know I’m in the minority on this one–the character is supposed to be reluctant and all that–but I just don’t care. That aspect of Wolverine is boring.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Well shit @disqus_qSI8fsAl8h:disqus I kinda liked True Detective S2 finale. It still had some of those massive problems the entire season had but the energy and momentum from previous two episodes was still here. And that’s [sadly] the best I could ask for.

  • Palpatine

    Didn’t Universal already have a horror cinematic universe back in the 30’s and 40’s?

  • Alex Lee

    I certainly like to think that Trank is talented, but nothing about his film history suggests that he is anything more than lucky.

  • Stephen Norman

    And The Death of Superman turned into something. Who cares if it was
    retconned. It doesn’t erase an intriguing story from having been written
    and published. Animated, live action, whatever, just something. I want
    to see weird Kryptonian death rites and bizarro alternate Supermen.
    Crazy, awesome shit.

  • Sully

    Well, he’s done one other film, which, at least to me, was a nice take on the superhero genre. Refreshing, I guess you could call it. I’d need to see more to say more, but yeah, as of now he’s about 50/50 in regards to movies.

  • Sully

    You’ll have to excuse the pun, but their hopes were in revamping the series.

  • SeanLM

    Yet they are still apparently planning a sequel. Movie executives are not like real human beings.

  • That’s right, Jay! They’re real human excrement!

  • Speaking of which, does Blade hold up? I remember I liked the first two when I was in my teens.

  • Oh Palpy.

  • John Bigbootay

    Josh Trank and Max Landis do.

  • Sully

    The CG is goofy in parts, especially Dorff’s death in the first film, but for the most part, yeah, I still enjoy them when I catch them on tv.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Wasn’t that more of an Abbott and Costello cinematic universe?

  • Billy_Whizz

    The sky is falling…

  • Billy_Whizz

    The actor who played the Thing also played Billy Elliot in…Billy Elliot. BE is a great film, almost as great as ‘Kes’.

    If any of you are thinking about watching the FF in cinemas, rent out Billy Elliot instead.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Maybe the way to make a Fantastic Four movie is one where Doctor Doom is the protagonist. We see him dealing with being a despot, and the Fantastic Four are the antagonists (not the bad guys, before anyone gets any weird ideas) in the movie.

    edit: eh, no. Forget about it. No one would be able to handle a movie where the proh-tagonist(?) has to wear a metal mask for 2 hours.

  • Sully

    He also played Tin Tin in The Adventures of Tin Tin, which was better as well.

  • Especially the lead. Gotta have those vanity shots, man.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Or, you hire Andy Serkis and make it CG. There. Done.

  • SeanLM

    It could work as a dark comedy where Dr. Doom has such a skewed view of the world that he can’t understand why everyone, except his peasants, hate him.

  • The Summer of George

    “Fantastic Fornication” is probably a porn.

  • Malevolence

    A lot of the issues with Fantastic Four has been the casting choices. This one was just a cluster fuck of bad casting choices. Also, too many liberties were taken. Still looking for a Doctor Doom that is a hero who is a villain because his views for world peace are too extreme and also like the comic melds science with magic. But they wouldn’t do that…. The same God-thing that gave Black Panther his powers judged Dr Doom to be pure of heart, pure intentions more like…. but that’s way too complex for the demographic majority of movie goers today

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLFMAN
    HOUSE OF DRACULA
    HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN

    All real attempts by Universal back in the day to unite their monster properties, although no one back then was as automatically cynical as today so I don’t think it dawned on them that they were “uniting their monster properties” as much as they thought they were just telling the stories in a new way.

    “Hey. All these monsters terrorize German villages, maybe it could be the same German village.”

    “That’s kinda dumb. What villagers would ever even live in a village like that? I mean, they’d need to be protected by some kind of superhumans or something.”

    “Superhumans? What’s that?”

    “You know, like those silly costumed characters in the comics that you can buy for a nickel at the soda fountain.”

    “Those? You gotta be nuts. Who would sit through a movie with that kinda crap in it?”

    END SCENE

  • Malevolence

    Now that I think about it… MCU Ultron seems more like Dr. Doom than Dr. Doom….. minus the quips…. sort of

  • Hank_Henshaw

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W3WZdHdQkE

    Not superhumans, but luchadores!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I like this.

  • Malevolence

    Was it back by the old bean factory?

  • SeanLM

    Isn’t he supposed to be the dictator of a make-believe country in Eastern Europe? Why not just have him be that? They always have to link his origin and the FF’s origin like they’re opposite sides of the same coin like Batman and Joker… like a dictator is really the polar opposite of a stretchy guy. In the comic, does he even have powers? I thought he was just disfigured.

  • Imesseduptheemail

    Far as I know, Latverians love the guy.

  • Sully

    He has powers he obtained through various teachers across the globe (and beyond). He’s quite powerful.

  • Palpatine

    Does anyone think comic book movies would work better if they were animated?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    He’s a scientific genius and delves into the occult, so he has masterful control over both science and magicks.

  • Malevolence

    Thing is the FF origin had nothing to do with Dr. Doom, it was later when Victor Von Doom was trying to develop a device to talk to the dead that Ben Grimm, The Thing, tampered with the machine which destroyed his face and he vowed revenge against Reed Richards and friends

  • Malevolence

    Only if they weren’t made by Marvel… I like the MCU

  • Malevolence

    Does…. Does it star Jessica Alba?

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    I have to disagree that it’s not possible to make a good Fantastic Four movie. It’s not like really talented people tried under the best of conditions and still failed.

  • Palpatine

    Aren’t they the same thing?

  • SeanLM

    Yes. Actually TV. Gotham, Arrow and AoS could improve dramatically by not having a bunch of bad actors and lousy production values.
    I wish WB/DC animation wasn’t in such a sorry state currently. Their last high-quality movie was Dark Knight Returns with Peter Weller. The rest of their offerings look cheap and are 70 minutes sold for full price.

  • Malevolence

    They only tried 2 other times to my knowledge… and define talented… Roger Corman and Tim Story. Tim Story directed Barbershop for fuck’s sake

  • Sully

    I just can’t get into cartoons. There’s too much of a disconnect, which prevents me from giving a shit about the characters.

  • Malevolence

    I meant the 20th Century Fox movies should be animated. Marvel’s are fine

  • Malevolence

    I feel if they had a Director making these Fantastic Four films, they would be good

  • Carol

    I don’t think even Marvel would want to make a F4 if they ever got the rights back. Last I heard, they were interested in getting back the rights to use some of the villains, not the fantastic four themselves.

  • Mark Bisone

    “Doctor Strangedoom”?

  • Brack to the Future

    Can somebody explain how lousy cartoon books about Jane Grey, polyphemus references and “Clobberin’ Time” morphed into Kate Mara vehicles with black dudes and spandex and stuff?

    Up next, Michael Morbius vampire crossovers with the True Blood cast.

  • Alex Lee

    Not really. Half of why the comic book movies are in such demand is that blend of CGI effects and real stuntwork. In a completely animated feature, the stuntwork is dismissed because people think that because it was drawn, that makes it less impressive, even if Mo-cap is used. It’s kinda what Sully said, either you get cartoons or you just don’t and no amount of explanation is going to change that.

  • Brack to the Future

    Leo did it, and according to every person with a vagina born during the last 100 years he shouldn’t have!

  • Palpatine

    So you prefer the one’s distributed by Disney?

  • Alex Lee

    The Incredibles should count as an F4 film. It’s fun and colorful, but never irrelevant or stupid.

  • Brack to the Future

    I sense another cross-over. Pirates of the Caribbean presents the Fantastic Forecastle!

    Heh. Foks’ll love it.

  • Mark Bisone

    Or they could do a twee, stop-motion animation crossover: “The Fantastic Mr. Foreskin.”

  • Billy_Whizz

    I believe Marvel cancelled the Fantastic Four comic so as not to give this movie any endorsement. They’re all off in different teams now such as the Inhumans and probably Guardians of the Galaxy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But people shouldn’t see this movie at all. Not even as a little oddity.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Big Hero 6 proved to me no because it would work the same if it was live action based on it’s highly cliched story telling.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But does he have Akira powers?

  • Brack to the Future

    Fantastic Four comics are neither pap nor pulp. “Fun and colorful” is what a guy does on a whim when he dips his late-model Ford Focus to make it look “fresh yet unassuming” to Middle School girls. By all accounts, gross.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Barbershop is true cinematic genius

  • SeanLM

    It’s probably too late for FF even if it ends up in the MCU. Even the fat, popcorn gobbling idiots have a limit to their patience. FF is damaged goods and nobody outside hardcore comic fans want to see another attempt. God, I hope the Terminator and Fantastic Four franchises died this year. The world is no poorer that there hasn’t been a Blade movie in more than a decade.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    WB/DC animation died when they chose that they also had to go with the New52 character designs and stories.

  • Brack to the Future

    Only if it’s Benjamin Buttons-meets-Brazil style. Aging backward, through the bris, aware like Stewie Griffin.

  • SeanLM

    You’re right- Batman with the chin strap. I hate the New 52 for too many reasons to list.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Cameron would be the obvious choice. He’d probably do a good job of finding clever, cool ways to use their powers, which none of the films ever tried. That would be key – so would creating real relationships between the characters, science grounded enough to seem interesting and weird enough to be, well, fantastic, a bad guy other than Doctor fucking Doom and a giant galactic threat that isn’t a cloud, not dwelling on the “they stepped in stuff and got powers” origin, etc. They should be a disfunctional family of superhero celebrities/science adventurers who are completely overwhelmed by something spacey and weird and manage to overcome it anyway. There’s so much potential there. Fox is just so bad at this.

  • Billy_Whizz

    I could see an MCU TV series. Plus Marvel would get Doctor Doom, Silver Surfer, Skrulls (great for ‘Guardians’ with the Kree) and Galactus. Quite a lucrative package.

  • Brack to the Future

    And Roger Corman was ..*. great in The Silence of the Lambs.

    * swallows vomit

  • Earth

    I’ve said this over and over but seriously,

    Poor Harley…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’ll give it an 11 because not only was it made to hold to the rights and make sure that Disney doesn’t get enough money off of the Marvel brand but now Fox wants to make more money off of the Marvel brand. If you watch the film you can clearly tell that they really want a fucking sequel.

  • Palpatine

    Do you think that’s a sign of people losing interest in comic book movies?

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Marvel will probably get the film rights to FF after this, and will use characters from that in their other movies, like Galactus and Silver Surfer, without creating a Fantastic Four franchise themselves. Then, in 10 years or so, when they’re ready to reboot the entire MCU, they’ll start out with Fantastic Four, just like the comics did in 1961, or some shit like that. We’ll finally get a Fantastic Four film that doesn’t suck in time for retirement.

  • SeanLM

    Yeah, they’d poach it for some characters but I don’t think there’s going to be another attempt at a standalone FF franchise for a loooong time, if ever.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    but he also directed Taxi with Jimmy Fallon.

    Wait, wha–?

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    LOLZ

  • Earth

    “reboot the entire MCU”? Jesus fucking Christ…

  • Brack to the Future

    Jeez I thought Frank Miller’s stuff already was. Get The Dark Knight series on your favorite reader.

  • Palpatine

    He was in that movie for like 30 seconds, and it’s at the end of the film.

  • Earth

    I want an animated movie of The Dark Knight Strikes Again.

    You heard me.

  • SeanLM

    Also, Ant-Man is the lowest grossing MCU movie since Incredible Hulk. But then again, it’s Ant-Man so they’re probably thrilled by the result.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No not really. Even though comic book movies are making tons of money people are seeing the good ones. This film is an example of word of mouth. The word of mouth from critics and audiences has been almost universally negative. It has a 4/10 on IMDB, an audience rating. When you’re rating is almost as low as Batman and Robin or The Room clearly they do not want to see it.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    They’ll be making Captain America movies long after you and I are under your user name.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You want that piece of shit to be animated?

  • Brack to the Future

    What about The Killing Joke? Right?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    By the way like Mike and Jay did for Jack and Jill I did not pay to see Fant4stic. Yay for Regal Rewards or whatever they’re called.

  • disqus_fnwCMQDX7u

    Yes, because drama and melodrama are the same thing -_-; Go enjoy Beaches…

  • Earth

    Why not? DC animated movies are apparently sucking right now anyway. Not only that, but I want them to use the exact same cartoon style, exactly as Miller drew them.

    https://simplysupermanbatman.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/the-dark-knight-strikes-again-01-33.jpg?w=354&h=550

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Earth

    As Hamill is returning for it I have some hope. But it would only really work if they used the same cartoon style.

  • SeanLM

    I think the also-rans will go away but I get the feeling going forward there’s always going to be an MCU movie, a WB/DC movie, and an Fox X-Men movie in the pipeline.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I watch Justice League Gods and Monsters it is one of the best animated comic book movies I have ever seen. So shut up, planet, and Miller’s art sucks.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’d be more worried had this Fantastic Four been a hit. Studios would be like “alright, everyone! No matter how bad we make ’em, people will still watch ’em! So, steady as she goes!”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The audience isn’t full of dumb retarded ass people as we think. Thank you audience for not seeing this and not seeing Pixels too.

  • Brack to the Future

    Every Regal has a brick wall of various character to meet the surroundings, like sandstone, limestone, travertine, oil cans if you’re in Kentucky. Around the middle of the first course of stone, on the right side of the causeway there’s an embedded USB key. It contains a copy of the movies playing right now. Don’t tell anybody.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Including shit like Fant4stic and Pixels?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    People were like: “If you must watch a dumb movie this year, go watch Jurassic World!” And I really liked Jurassic World.

  • Earth

    Like I said “apparently”, I’m only repeating what I’ve heard from people on this webzone.

    I know Frank Miller’s art sucks. That’s why it’d be glorious (plus a wonderful waste of everyone’s time and money).

  • Brack to the Future

    Especially Pixels. It’s a virus worse than Stuxnet.

  • SeanLM

    But foreign audiences will eat up just about anything so long as the theater is air conditioned.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That movie is an example of a movie being stupid and fun but not insulting, like Fant4stic. Those type of dumb, stupid movies are acceptable. Kinda like Pacific Rim.

  • Billy_Whizz

    They should adapt that Frank Miller Batman comic where Batman asks Robin if he’s ‘retarded’.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They don’t because they saw that cluster fuck movie Justice League War.

  • Cat Stevens

    Jon Hamm as as stretch guy, Elizabeth Banks as invisible girl, two other people in the other roles, scripted by Coen brothers, directed by Brad Bird. (lawrence kasdan rumored to have scripted a draft)

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well, that sounds insulting.

  • SeanLM

    Transformers 4 made more in China than it did in the US. In other words, there’s a group of people in the world with worse taste than Americans.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have almost no knowledge on the foreign market. But I do know that Age of Snoozing did have the best Honest Trailer.

  • What happens when you mash two most mediocre artists up? https://soundcloud.com/nonplayablerecords/this-shouldnt-work-why-does-it-work

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I think the issue with China is that up until a few years ago, Hollywood productions were severely restricted from showing in there, I think the limit was 8 movies a year, and subject to censoring. Now, they’re allowing more movies to be shown, and Hollywood knows that around 1/5 of the world’s population lives in China, and chinese corporations are willing to invest in american movie productions. So, chinese citizens now have access to all these summer movies, and they seem to really enjoy it. Even if, apparently, the subtitles are wrong sometimes.

  • Niccageshair

    I think the finale could have been a nice little self contained movie if you cleaned it up a little. The one thing that is apparent from the whole season is Nic Pizzolatto didn’t have enough story for 8+ hours.

  • Malevolence

    Inching closer and closer to 100 episodes…. will Star Wars be the 100th HitB I wonder? 😀

  • Niccageshair

    It would be like poetry

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Frank Miller’s Art in DK2 looks like a parody. Like those Dolan or Spodermin memes.

  • Niccageshair

    I thought it was the Metallica bio-pic

  • Like Icare

    Nah… The “stink” is there from the start.

    Yes, there WERE reshoots.
    But the thing is, nonsense past the 50-or-so minutes matches the nonsense set up before.

    In fact, it is NOT the 50-or-so mark at all.
    That’s just an illusion people experience watching the story linearly.
    So, when they teleport, return and turn into monsters, and then there is a cut to “a year later” and we get exposition how they are being trained to be soldiers, people go “Hey! This feels different. THIS must be where the studio meddled!”

    Except that is not the case.

    You can’t have the “trained to be supersoldiers” without the scene prior where “the company guy” approaches Ben and offers him to be a “supersoldier” in exchange for maybe some day getting the cure.

    Oh… OK. So it’s from THAT scene then.
    Except THAT scene was set up with Reed running away after seeing Ben covered with rocks, promising that he will “fix it”.
    Which is the end of the “body horror sequence”, which starts when they return and lasts for several minutes and is supposed to be ALL Trank.

    And after the 50-or-so point and the supersoldier-exposition which eats up several minutes we are straight into the scenes of them searching for Reed, then catching him, then he works with them, then they go back to the other dimension…

    There is no break in the plot. It is very A-B-C…

    What feels like it is against the plot is the bits with Sue getting the powers from the shockwave without actually going there.

    Or getting Ben to go to the other dimension. He’s like… out of the movie for half an hour and then Reed calls him to join them to go to another dimension and he’s like “You just dragged me out of the bed after not even calling for months. You are all drunk and doing clearly illegal and highly dangerous things. I don’t know any of you people except Reed… But OK. Let’s do this.”

    That CGI monkey they send. Which looks so cheap, it had to be added later. TWICE.
    http://s30.postimg.org/k1gtfan01/monke1.jpg
    If you’re thinking “OK, monkey is just making a different face” – look at the harnesses and the position and shape of the clasps.
    Not the same harness OR the monkey.

    And Sue’s hair changes throughout the monkey scenes.

    Then there’s the amazing shortness of the movie. It barely clocks over 90 minutes.

    The entire motivation and interaction of Doom with others.
    The Doom ending. Anything that Doom does or say. Ever. He can’t decide if he hates humans for destroying the world, if he wants to destroy the Earth (Why?) or if he’s a team player who learns to interact and work with others.
    Which is not unexpected considering he used to be Victor Domashev when movie was first filmed, while Doom was his “blogger nickname”.
    But then they changed that to match the mythology.

    What is also OBVIOUSLY added/changed is the scenes of Sue training (because she wears a wig there, and a different, wider angle scene was used in the trailers) but scenes right after that, when she “detects Reeds patterns” and finds him are with her OLD HAIR.
    BTW, movie has no clue what “pattern recognition” means.

    Changes were made THROUGHOUT the movie.
    Scenes from past the “50-or-so” mark are both in the teaser and in the movie – but SOME OTHER SCENES from the teaser are NOT.

    And then there’s the bit where Trank explicitly told actors NOT to read comics cause the movie will not be based on anything published…
    http://www.vulture.com/2015/08/timeline-of-fantastic-fours-terrible-buzz.html?cx_navSource=related-side-a

    And that is probably THE issue.
    It seems that his movie ended up being Chronicle 2.0, with little to no resemblance to the material it was supposed to adapt.
    So, scenes had to be added to explain stuff while cutting out pieces that made no sense regarding the mythology.

    That is why there are strange bits THROUGHOUT the movie.
    Like that fucking monkey.
    Or the scene where Sue is now angry at Reed “for abandoning them”, though a moment ago she had different hair and hated being held in the “area 57” herself and argued with Johnny not to become a supersoldier.
    Or when Sue just pops in to talk with her stepbrother – way before the 50-or-so mark (closer to 27-or-so) with her wig, then in the next scene she has her no-wig hair.
    Or the missing scene of The Thing being HALOed (minus the parachute) over a city.

    Hey… didn’t that happen in that Norton Hulk movie too?

  • SeanLM

    They killed their own domestic film industry when they took Hong Kong in 1997. All the great Hong Kong movies were before the handover. Since then, mostly crap. What I object to is the fact that American movies actually have less dialogue than they used to because it saves cost on dubbing or subtitling for non-English speaking audiences.

  • Like Icare

    Now that’s just silly.

    MoS is a great General Zod movie if nothing else. Seriously.
    Best and most clearly motivated character in the whole story.
    Sorta like Palpatine in RoS… Oh… Wait…

  • In my reboot of Fantastic Four, Reed Richards is a vaudeville contortionist with erectile dysfunction. His penis is the only part of his body he cannot stretch.

    Sue Storm is a retiring wallflower who is frequently unnoticed or ignored by others around her.

    Her brother Johnny is a recovering burn victim.

    Ben Grimm suffers from a disfiguring skin condition.

    The film focuses on the struggles and hardships they face living and working in Newcastle during the 1970s and their attempts to win a talent show at a local working men’s club.

  • SeanLM

    I thought the “controversy” over Human Torch was mostly the studio blowing smoke to deflect from attention being called to serious production problems that were constantly leaking out. You can find any asshole online to say anything and call attention to it in the age of Twitter. It doesn’t rise to the level of controversy, nor does it make anyone a hero for participating in anonymous online public shaming.

  • Like Icare

    Trouble with that character is that he is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
    As in utterly and completely omnipotent. He fuckin alters reality the way he pleases.

    Only way anyone can beat him is if the entire story is off the wall silly.
    And gritty is not silly.

  • Niccageshair

    TV has proven again and again when you try to stretch 3 hours of plot into 8+ bad things are going to happen. As for the horrible lines I feel like Pizzo was trying to emulate the type of writing in 50’s pulp stories, the problem is when those lines are actually spoken they sound absolutely ridiculous.

    I think the main problem with Vince other than the horrible lines he was constantly given is they never really did anything to make him seem like a tough guy. Sure he pulled a guys teeth out but they didn’t show it and it made everyone being afraid around him seem out of place. It was one instance where some graphic violence would’ve helped to develop his character.

  • Niccageshair

    As someone who doesn’t care at all about comics, was this Human Torch thing truly a big deal or just people being asshats? Because it seems like the latter.

  • Like Icare
  • William Merrill

    I think a standalone Doctor Doom movie is the best possible solution for Fox at the moment. They’ve failed to launch the Fantastic Four as a franchise three times in a row now. Unless they want to lose the rights to Marvel (Hopefully…) they need to come up with something unique and fresh.

    Doctor Doom is one of the most beloved comic book characters of all time and fans would show up in droves if they were promised a faithful origin story for one of history’s greatest villains. I’m honestly suprised there aren’t more villain centric comic book movies. Some people have toyed with the idea before, particularly in animation where films like Megamind, Wreck-It-Ralph and Despicable Me managed to tell a story through the perspective of a villain.

    But I think filmmakers could take the concept down a darker road. One where redemption may not even be achievable. That could be something interesting.

  • SeanLM

    Who can tell anymore? It was probably some sort of ironic joke.

  • Cakefarts

    Dear Brothers and Sisters. I have recently come across a worthy stablemate to the incredible Samurai Cop.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0145464/?ref_=rvi_tt

    You should make the time to check it out.

  • Niccageshair

    “vomited back, misinterpreted, distorted, like a game of telephone with a million retards.” Isn’t this the internet circle of life?

  • Sully

    tl;dr

    As I said, I haven’t seen the film, but from what I’ve heard it’s pretty apparent what Trank shot and edited, what FOX shot and shoehorned in, and where FOX did re-edits. I’ve heard there are many scenes shown in the trailers that didn’t even make into FOX’s cut.

    Apparently Trank and FOX came to an agreement over his vision and what he would be filming, which included around 6 major action set pieces, and mere days before principal photography began FOX pulled damn near all of those scenes, citing cuts to the budget. From the beginning Trank was already being fucked by FOX, which is why, I think, he pulled out of doing that Star Wars Anthology picture.
    I wouldn’t want to jump off the corporate controlled shit wagon and land another another corporate shit train either. He wants to go back to smaller films where he has more control, and I think that’s wise.

    I dunno. I’ll probably never see this film anyway.

  • Booger

    People love shitting on the other FF movie but I thought it got elements of the plot and tone right. It isn’t good but it has its moments and the Fantastic Four should be corny.

  • Niccageshair

    Too bad movies can’t be goofy anymore.

  • Niccageshair

    Have there been any good movies that have had a denny’s custom menu? Seems like a surefire way to spot a turd.

  • Jay Stein

    That’s because no one can write a funny, witty script anymore. People would say Joss Wheadon can, but I disagree. That is only MY opinion of Joss Wheadon. Some think he is great….

  • SeanLM

    Every Josh Whedon character sounds like Josh Whedon.

  • Like Icare

    Nah. It just rips off some elements from F4, some other from Watchmen…

    Then adds a whole “holy shit that’s fascist” layer straight through the movie about how equality is bad and elitism is good cause “if everyone is special – then no one is”.
    And that makes little boys sad.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E9pKU_N15A

    That’s literally THE reason why the villain is “THE VILLAIN”.
    Not killing of all those other supers, not capturing and trying to kill them and their kids – fucker wanted to sell superpowers to EVERYONE!
    Cause when everyone is super…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYmHYQPaHaw

  • Like Icare

    DC animated movies are apparently sucking right now anyway.

    Whaaaa…

    Who said that? It was the blind people again, right?

    Those cane-waving fuckers and their dogs…

  • The Summer of George

    I don’t know but I suspect no spandex can contain their super boners.

  • SeanLM

    Do I recall correctly that there was a fight inside an IHOP in MoS? Kind of made me want to immediately stop watching the movie and eat pancakes anywhere but IHOP. And burn down an IHOP.

  • Like Icare

    It’s a bit predictable though.
    But far better than most comic book movies out there.

  • Niccageshair

    I think so but I was laughing so hard at the amount of people superman just killed I forget.

  • Niccageshair

    Joss Whedon is like Sorkin, everyone is a little too clever. He does at least inject some humor. People seem to forget that the Dark Knight(which inspired all this gritty comic book movie shit) was influenced by the Bond series and has the same kind of cynical humor which doesn’t work for every movie.

  • Sully

    Hey, did you guys hear the new Human Torch is black?

  • SeanLM

    Plus he’s easily bullied off Twitter because he’s a weak, weak, little beta man.

  • Robotpals

    Except for the simpering, needy, broken, “strong” female characters.

  • Sully

    Every James Gunn character sounds like Joss Whedon as well.

  • Like Icare

    See… I don’t get that about people bitchin about Miller’s art in DK2 but are fine with it in Sin City, 300, DKR… wherever…

    You don’t go to Miller for the art. You go for the words and for his macho-that-somehow-makes-sense.

    Trouble with DK2 is not the art.
    It’s… the whole story feels like it is an unfinished sketch… like there are panels and pages missing.
    It’s like watching the story unfold under strobe lights.

  • Robotpals

    Doctor Doom was awful in the other FF. If there’s one character in the property that shouldn’t be cutesy one-linery goofy zany, it’s him. Sort of like Black Widow in the Avengers movies.

  • Niccageshair

    WHHHHAAATTTTTT *Let the vicious cycle begin!!!!*

  • Jay Stein

    I hope whoever owns the rights to Plastic Man, makes it dark and brooding and really serious. Is Jim Carrey too old to play Plastic Man?

  • Like Icare

    Hugo Weaving did that in V.

  • Niccageshair

    Jim Carrey is too busy curing the world of vaccines

  • SeanLM

    DC thought it was a brilliant idea to rape and bludgeon Elongated Man’s wife to death in the comics. The two had been one of comics’ only consistently married couples and this is what they did… oh, and she was pregnant:
    http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11112/111123271/3208162-sue+dead+pt+2.jpg

  • Robotpals

    It didn’t seem like a big deal. My only problem with the Human Torch being black is that they forgot that Sue Storm is his sister, but they couldn’t have a black woman in a romance with a white guy unless it was the whole point of the movie. Because, you know, Hollywood is so “progressive.”

  • Jay Stein

    I’m not prejudiced, but I HATE when “reboots/remakes” change the race or sex of an already established character. I refuse to watch movies or TV in which that happens. Come to think of it I have never enjoyed a single “reboot”

  • Jay Stein

    I will never watch F4nt4stic4..

  • Jay Stein

    He would make a great Plastic Man though

  • SeanLM

    It’d be funny if he was Plastic Man but his plastic children all had whooping cough.

  • Jay Stein

    Baby Plas +10

  • Niccageshair

    Plastic man is really a thing? I’m assuming it’s a 60’s one.

  • Jay Stein
  • Niccageshair

    Jim Carrey is Plastic Man!!! Killing children with easily preventable diseases!!! Disapproving science all around the world!!!! Watch him battle his most furious foe to date: Sy Ringe the Human Needle!!!

  • Niccageshair

    Good lord that looks groovy

  • Jay Stein

    This is how my brain sees Plastic Man. http://www.angelfire.com/planet/dcuni/plasticman.JPG

  • Jay Stein

    Sounds better than most other ideas

  • Niccageshair

    I’ll have a 100 page spec script by the weekend.

  • SeanLM

    I really want to see the origin story of the giant blue space laser that always shoots to the heavens in sci-fi movies and comics. What’s its story? What are it hopes and dreams?

    http://cdn3.denofgeek.us/sites/denofgeekus/files/styles/insert_main_wide_image/public/6/17//ff34.png?itok=SGjydYNa

  • He’s an anti-vaccine fanatic? Wow, he’s really gone crazy. Unless it’s part of his plan to make people think he is.

  • Domo

    He didn’t start riding the anti-vaccine bandwagon until he began dating Jenny McCarthy. Unfortunately, he never left the bandwagon once they broke up.

  • I remember Cartoon Network aired reruns of the Plastic Man cartoon in the 90s. As I kid I liked it, because let’s face it, kids will watch pretty much anything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTEXc8IppAk

  • Sully

    Jenny can be very convincing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RicwTkzyFJY

  • John Dough

    And now for a completely random video for no reason: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCISeCZAFC8 .

    PS More Jessi please.

  • I think we might not ever see Jessi again because of some creep on reddit some time ago.

  • Jay Stein

    But Plastic Man is one of the coolest Super heroes

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We need more farts to bring Jessi back.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDfc_LTPvss

  • What if the Justice League movie was like this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxXkr1S45l8

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It would be better than Fant4stic because it would have a plot

  • QUICK, SOUND THE FART BEACON!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Come back, Jessi! We have farts!

  • gabe

    Another great RLM review. Jay’s getting a little too thin maybe? I will keep chiming in with unsolicited style tips until BOTW makes fun of one of my movies. COME ON

  • Like Icare

    Nah… That’s basically just Collider shouters and bobble-heads telling their “I know a guy who knows a guy” stories.
    http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Fox-May-Have-Messed-With-Josh-Trank-Fantastic-Four-Much-More-Than-We-Thought-76027.html

    And even that is a talk about 3 scenes, not 6.
    That movie doesn’t have 3 more action scenes that could be anything close to major.
    There’s the ending action scene and… That’s it.

    Doom just walks and people fall down.
    Another scene has Reed standing and CGI-ing a couple of soldiers and then Thing falls from the sky, walks up to him and I guess headbuts him… but it is so badly done it looks like he just nods and Reed falls out of the frame.
    And BESIDES THAT – all that is BEFORE production.
    After which he supposedly had “a fantastic version of this”.

    A year ago I had a fantastic version of this. And it would’ve recieved
    great reviews. You’ll probably never see it. That’s reality though

    I.e. Trank claims he made a great movie DESPITE those scenes being supposedly taken out.

    Making that bit by Colliders nothing but pointless fluff.
    Which they are propping up with “then they took the editin from him” – which happened after his various issues on and off the set, and after filming additional scenes.
    Which is classic conjunction fallacy.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conjunction_fallacy

    And then they keep adding more “I heard FOX eats babies” stories in order to prop it up.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97hBpwl582Y

  • Wizard Phoenix

    This is better than the reboot
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JpLYtCQHwA

  • Hey, they even have a Stan Lee cameo.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Trank didn’t.

  • Palpatine

    Who, me?

  • Yes, Palpy.

  • Palpatine

    My name will forever be associated with that evil site, won’t it?

  • Grand__Mother

    Downloading it now. This better be goooood.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Omitted was banned because of Sean Penn talking about Josh Trank being an asshole on set and on reddit talking about how Samurai Cop is alive while translating the SOS box.

  • Yes. Forget the younglings, or the Empire or that convoluted plot with the trade federation. Time to change your wiki entry on wookiepedia.

  • Sully

    “The dark shroud of Reddit has fallen. Begun, the Ban Wars have.”

  • While watching that short I happen to have stumbled on the “Making of Michael Bay’sTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlvjeR4B-1Y
    This is on topic. It also has farts.

  • Palpatine
  • Sully
  • Malevolence

    not even waiting a decade anymore huh?

  • Sully

    Yeah, heard that on Collider last week. Can’t wait to not watch it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is Josh Trank gonna fuck this up too?!

  • Like Icare

    Plastic Man, besides being a much needed comedy relief (think Genie from Aladdin), has two really big powers, which properly used make him the awesomest JLA member ever.

    One… he’s practically indestructible. In one story he gets torn to molecules and spread across the oceans. In the past.
    Thousands of years later, JLA gathers enough of his molecules together and he reassembles back into himself. And he was conscious the whole time.

    Second power he has is that his plasticity expands to his mind.
    He is impervious to any form of mind control. Or for that matter, body control.

    And that’s a big one every time a mind-controlling villain turns Superman or some other “big gun” against everyone else.

  • JesusakaZombieKing

    Venture Brothers did it better though

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So Fant4stic better rename it’s self as Fantastic Flop. So how much are you willing to bet that Marvel Studios is going to get the rights back or make some sort of deal with Fox like they did with Sony for Spider-Man.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The last one almost killed Rooney Mara’s career!

  • Malevolence

    If I was the Thing, I’d be most pissed off that I lost my Thing

  • Palpatine

    I just hope they get someone good to play Freddy. Sorry Jackie Earle Haley, you’re no Robert Englund.

  • Shouldn’t it stay rock hard? Like for ever?

  • MichaelKz

    Yeah, all they did was a reverse Webster and have a white be the adopted child of a black family.

  • Red Skeleton

    I’ll show you a rock slide…. up your ass!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    In some other talkback, AICN maybe, there was someone saying how he called his teen daughter on the phone, to know what she was doing, and she told him she was watching Nightmare on Elm Street, and he asked if it was the remake and the original, and the daughter went: “I think it’s the original, it came out a long time ago”. Turns out she was actually watching the remake.

  • Niccageshair

    It’s because of his wife and I think he blames his kid being autistic on vaccines instead of just bad luck

  • Niccageshair

    What happened?

  • Sully

    I’ll just say this; anytime FOX has hired a Director who hasn’t acquired the clout to get his way on set, the end result has ALWAYS been a disaster (Alien 3, Wolverine, Fantastic 4, etc.) They’re famous for bullying new talent.
    That fact alone would make me believe Trank’s claim over FOX’s, but I have my own experiences with FOX that tell me that whole studio is brimming with “idea” people who have zero fucking business making movies.
    It’s the worst kind of corporate monster.
    It’s one thing to put money before final result, but another thing entirely to place ego before everything.
    You’ve got people hellbent on seeing their stupid ideas on screen, final cut be damned, and these shit ideas aren’t based on “the market” or trying to play to some untapped demographic, it’s just pure ego. It’s “I like my idea better than yours, now fit it in or you’re fired.”

    That’s no way to make a quality picture. You set your vision before principal begins, and then you follow that vision and stick to the plan until completion. Sure shit happens, and sometimes you have to deviate, but you don’t start pulling scenes and tacking on new shit hours before production begins, and you certainly don’t hijack the film during editing unless the film isn’t working AT ALL, and I’ve heard nothing about the film not working early on, only that FOX didn’t like Trank’s vision, even though it was the same vision he pitched to land the job. So FOX did a bunch of reshoots sans Trank, but in the end it was FOX’s vision that didn’t work for audiences. So in the end Trank, understandably, wants nothing to do with the picture, citing the experience spoiled him wanting to pursue big studio projects in the near future.

    That’s what I know, though, again… I haven’t seen the movie.

  • Captain Turbo

    I’m just pissed they cast a black guy as Johnny Storm. Not because I don’t think there should be a black member of FF but it should have been Ben Grimm. That’s the part Ving Rhames was born to play. “It’s clobbering time, motherfucker!”

  • Sully

    I’m about to get stone age on your ass.”

  • Malevolence

    that’s sad

  • Niccageshair

    I think it’s about time Hollywood reboots old 50’s radio serials…..again.

  • Jay Stein

    That can be fatal

  • Jay Stein

    Kids and teenagers sense of time is all fucked up, lousy entitled brats

  • You know, I think I’ll just do everything in my power to avoid superhero movies for a little while.
    I mean, look… I like big, dumb action. I’m no monster. But I think that superhero movies are better as an occasional treat rather than them being the very centerpiece of our culture. With all the vacuous thinkpieces that have been posted on the internet, I think there’s now more literary criticism for ‘The Avengers’ than for ‘Hamlet.’

  • Jay Stein

    Jim Carrey has an autistic kid? Wow.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Mike mentions Lobo. At some point there were plans for a Superman vs. Lobo movie, and different plans for a Guy Ritchie Lobo movie. The solo Lobo movie sounded terrible, it was going to mostly take place on Earth, Lobo was going to protect a little girl from bullies in high school, and was going to have a teacher as the romantic interest. Thankfully that project never took off. The Superman vs. Lobo movie, could’ve been something I’d be interested in, but how were they going to improve on what was done in the 90s cartoon?

    Now Lobo is out of contention. Lobo in the comics has been turned into Edward Cullen from Twilight, and even if they wanted to have “classic” Lobo in the DC cinematic universe, he’d look just like Aquaman.

  • Jay Stein

    That’s cool. Did you see “The Shadow”?

  • Jay Stein

    Fuck Lobo 🙂

  • Jay Stein

    She’ll never be back.
    All of the combined Thunder in all of our collective Pants, would not bring her back

  • Jay Stein

    I say make them a Jewish Black family in the next reboot

  • Niccageshair

    “A hit a very palpable hit”-Studio Execs looking at comic book movies box office

  • BCFC25

    The comic book movie crash is coming and i have a feeling its gonna drag alot of movie studios down with it.

  • Jay Stein

    My cynical side just felt tickly….

  • Jay Stein

    Sweet oblivion, take me in your arms…!

  • Lt Hurwitz

    The problem was Rachel McAdams, and Tyler Ketch. They just couldn’t hack it.

  • “but how were they going to improve on what was done in the 90s cartoon?”
    The same could be said about literally everything in the DC Cinematic universe. They’re not gonna top anything Bruce Timm and Paul Dini did, because those guys were geniuses of nerdy storytelling. No matter how many shitty superhero stuff will come out in the years to come, I’ll always look back on those old animated series fondly, Batman in particular.

  • Alex Lee

    I don’t think that’s going to happen because Fox is still in better shape than Sony. Sony Entertainment was very incompetent and had a string of failures before TASM2’s failure.

  • Jay Stein

    No, because you begun the path of righteousness, Your the good Palpy now……………………………………………….

  • Jay Stein

    Fantastic 4 needs to go home to Marvel/Disney and hire me to do concepts and effects

  • Palpatine

    *Palpyable




  • …I just want a movie with new characters, you guys.
    That isn’t an Adam Sandler movie.

  • Are you behind all these flop films, Palpatine?

  • Jay Stein

    No George Lucas is

  • Palpatine

    Fantastic Flop cost around $200,000,000 and it’s barely making its money back, the end is nigh for comic book movies.

  • Palpatine

    I blame Andrew. Wait, what?

  • Niccageshair

    The only question is will we get a Branded to Kill where a director goes off the rails creatively and delivers something wonderful…..and then gets fired.

  • Palpatine

    What we need is another New Hollywood movement like we had in the 70’s.

  • Oh, GOD, that sounds like heaven.

  • Niccageshair

    Never hurts to dream

  • Jay Stein

    Alas that will never happen. The world is not the same as then. We live in the era of “Super-Butthurt” politically correct “puss-fags”, I hope I didn’t offend anyone there…

  • Niccageshair

    I believe so but I could have misread something on internet

  • Sully

    There are only 3 (Marvel/Disney, FOX, and Warner Bros.) really making superhero films at the moment.
    So far FOX is the only one really dropping the ball, though they did manage to pull a win with Singer’s latest X-Men installment, Days Of Future Past.
    We should get our first glimpse of Marvel’s Civil War sometime in the coming week or two, which should set the tone for phase III, and Warner Bros.’ Batman v. Superman is, thus far, looking promising (surprisingly).
    FOX has 3 or 4 superhero films coming out next year. 2016 will decide if and how they stay in the superhero game.

  • Niccageshair

    Ok it appears I was wrong about this. The post has been corrected. He just posted a photo an autistic kid on twitter without permission during an anti vaccine rant. So yeah he’s gone off the rails. Eternal Sunshine and Truman are great though

  • Palpatine

    It has less to do with political correctness, and more to do with studio influence over the films. We need films made by studios, but with less studio control.

  • Niccageshair

    “Studios pay for them, directors make them” first page of How It Should Be:The Book

  • Niccageshair

    Et tu George?

  • Jay Stein

    Yes. I agree. I was referring to the market “Demo”. The Studios try to make a film that “everyone” will like to make the most money. That, and no new ideas or exceptional talent is what is killing movies

  • The Ghost

    More like Fantastic Snore.

    Amiriteamiriteamiriteamiriteamiriteamiriteamirite.

    Kill me.

  • Palpatine

    That shouldn’t always be the case, directors should collaborate with others while making the films, otherwise they’ll be like the Prequels.

  • Jay Stein

    key word, collaborate

  • Jay Stein

    Bang!!! You’re dead!

  • Palpatine

    Don’t get me started on focus groups.

  • Jay Stein

    We need a focus group for that…

  • Malevolence

    Mike, “Rex Reed”, Jay “Rex Reed!”, Samuel L. Jackson, “Rex REED MUTHA FUCKAS!!!” :shoots at Mike and Jay as they duck for cover:

  • Niccageshair

    When I say pay for them I dont give them a blank checkbook for any idea I mean pay for movies they believe in then step back which should prevent the Prequels issues. Now let the long auteur theory is bullshit debate begin!!!!

  • Palpatine

    Oh God, do they get under my skin!

  • Niccageshair

    But how do 25-49 males feel about it getting under your skin? We HAVE to know.

  • Palpatine

    Duh, demographics, we gotta appeal to everyone!

  • Sully

    I really liked Under The Skin…. for a couple of reasons.

  • Skewed_View

    I didn’t realize the Skrulls were tied into the FF license too! Then I definitely want them to get that back.
    Since we saw a Kree in Guardians of the Galaxy, and I always think Skrulls and Kree go hand-in-hand, it didn’t even occur to me that Skrulls were currently off-limits to Marvel.

  • Jay Stein

    Is RLM being Hack-Frauded!!!???

  • Palpatine

    Why?

  • Jay Stein

    Because everything went all crashy, and then there was a “HUGE” 505 error and no one was posting, so I naturally thought the site was being hacked…

  • Palpatine

    I was the shower when that happened. And who would want to hack the site?

  • Jay Stein

    really, I’m not serious
    The edge browser needs some work

  • Commander X

    Rogue Nation, mIssions Impossible? Let me tell you about my mission, when I was with the elite Army special forces. Unlike Tom Cruise, I was a real soldier. I was with Task Force Z on a mission of deplorable means – only my gunkata skills and extensive backyard training in jumping by leaping off of my house onto a trampoline allowed me to carry the day.

  • Jack Lewis

    The site was down and you didn’t have to use “edge” to have the problem… why in the world would one use a microsoft browser anyway….
    Had to go to Youtube to see the review…. the humanity!

  • Jay Stein

    OH My GOD!!! You’re right, I’m checking into re-hab right now!

  • Jay Stein

    I’m watching “On Stranger Tides” because it looks good on Blu-Ray and it’s not a comic book movie

  • Malevolence

    I can imagine the next episode where Mike and Jay cause an avalanche and the house starts to slide off the mountain…. these HitB’s are getting as formulaic as a James Cameron film

  • Malevolence

    Who wouldn’t want to hack the site? RLM has made more enemies in the film industry than Megan Fox and Shia Labeouf

  • Palpatine

    I know I wouldn’t, and they banned me!

  • Palpatine

    The avalanche plot will take up a few episodes, just like arc when the house was in Lake Michigan.

  • Thanatos2k

    Sounds like Half in the Bag needs a reboot where Plinkett’s house is just back in Jersey.

  • Thanatos2k

    Oh shit, what’s wrong with your FACE?!

    It looks so much better now.

  • Thanatos2k

    Aren’t they making an Aquaman movie….?

  • Thanatos2k

    He’ll rock your world

  • Jay Stein

    Was it in Jersey?

  • Thanatos2k

    Hobbit 1 and 2 had Denny’s special menus, but not for the third movie. That was the tip off it was gonna suck.

  • Thanatos2k

    In Fantastic Four: Rise of the Cobra Surfer, at one point while they’re fighting in some field somewhere, Dr. Douche randomly creates a tornado that teleports them into the center of a city.

    I almost walked out of the theater.

  • Thanatos2k

    Dr. Doom really should be acting like Thanos. They had him pretty good in the Avengers cartoon show (the good show, not the shitty new one).

  • Thanatos2k

    In all of those movies it turned out the villain wasn’t really a villain. Can’t have the audience rooting for someone who’s actually evil after all! Think of the kids! Not going to happen with a Dr. Doom movie.

  • Thanatos2k

    So who is Dr. Doom, the judge of the talent show? He’s really just a strict guy but they’re terrified of his judgement?

  • Thanatos2k

    I take it as a sign people never really cared about the Fantastic Four.

  • Thanatos2k

    It’s more like they don’t know any better. They’ll just see whatever slop shows up on their screens with flashy commercials and trailers. I feel they are far more effected by marketing than we are.

  • Thanatos2k

    Ant-Man was profitable though. This movie might not be, EVEN with the dumb foreign audience cash.

    That must be terrifying to FOX. Maybe it’ll be a slap in the face wake up call that these kind of movies aren’t a sure bet, and they actually have to put effort into them if they want people to see them.

  • instant relief

    I bet they had planned this all in advance since HitB episode 1. They’re just as genius as mexican filmmaker Jorgé Alejandro Lucas.

  • Thanatos2k

    It’s really a horrible message. That’s why I think Charlie Brown is actually the most educational thing for kids to watch.

  • Thanatos2k

    A 90 minute long episode of Batman: The Animated Series? Already done – and yes, they’re better than any live action one.

  • Sully

    Wrong Plinkett, pal. Unless you mean a reboot where there’s only one Plinkett who resides in Jersey.

  • Thanatos2k

    They cancelled Young Justice, they clearly have no idea what the fuck they’re doing.

  • Thanatos2k

    Reed Richards does have the best power for it.

  • Thanatos2k

    Man in the Iron Mask was good.

  • Captain Turbo

    I haven’t seen an acting talent as exciting as Miles Teller since Stephen Lack nailed it in Scanners.

  • Thanatos2k

    So THAT’S how Van Helsing got made.

  • Captain Turbo

    Always bet on the gunkata.

  • Thanatos2k

    Sounds like they need a reboot

  • Thanatos2k

    What did you idiots do this time?

  • Palpatine

    He can come live with me. Hey RLM, you want my home address?

  • Palpatine

    I wonder how it’ll end?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But not only that Plinkett will only show up until the last ten minutes and a majority of them is about them thinking who to scam.

  • Thanatos2k

    Word on the street is the studio didn’t even allow the actors to see the film before they gave their interviews because they were afraid they’d see how bad it was and act accordingly.

    So the actors were indeed bullshitting their way through interviews.

  • Palpatine

    I just assumed the Plinkett from HitB is the son of the one from the Plinkett Reviews.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes and James Wan is doing it. He made Fast and Furious 7 a giant hit so why not? Also with the Conjuring it shows that WB loves him.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wait what did Stephen lack?

  • MichaelKz

    Really. That’s disappointing. Wisconsin is home to two of the most horrible serial killers ever. It’s a perfect setting for Mr. Plinkett. How can it be set in New Jersey?

  • MichaelKz

    Except Stephen Lack was a real man.

  • hybridm0ments

    I think Trank was trying to rip off Planetary by Warren Ellis… but he
    couldn’t sell it. The FF are basically the big bad guys in that comic,
    with a lot of cold war insanity. If you look up scans of the comic it
    even looks similar to the negative zone scenes. Like Jay said – he had
    to commit to that completely, and Fox probably freaked out when they saw
    what he was up to.

  • Bubs

    Are you kidding? Hacking RLM could be a datamining extravaganza! This place is an untapped treasure trove of memes and youtube links. A hacker what successfully cracked the completely not-password-protected security of this website could make 1-billion theoretical dollars.

  • Jay Stein
  • Jay Stein

    Honestly I want to punch Miles Teller when I see his picture

  • Jay Stein

    bit-coin?

  • Thanatos2k

    So….just like the last episode?

  • Jay Stein

    They’ve made some friends too, and I’m not talking about Len Kabazinski

  • Malevolence

    I…. CANT….READ!!!! I can only type which is strange, bu tt I can’t back space because I don’t know what I’m typing letter whise so I just mush forward with my thoughts…..

  • Jay Stein

    Too bad, it’s an article that pretty much sums up the whole Fantastic 4 problem and why it failed

  • Hank_Henshaw

    What is it with people wanting to punch KD Lang? I don’t get it.

  • Breadisha D’eachwik

    why is there weird feed back on jays camera?

  • Jay Stein

    Funny! I wonder what happened to her?

  • Jay Stein

    It’s his FAAAACCCEEEE!!!!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    There’s been continuity issues for sure. When Harriett Plinkett paid a visit, she says she wants to take a tour around New Jersey, visit the cockroach museum, the junkyard, etc. And Harry questions who in their right mind visits New Jersey while on vacation, instead of somewhere nice, like Florida. And then, he calls her a cunt.

  • Jay Stein

    Actually, I was reading some of the controversy surrounding his Esquire article and I think he was being setup or something. The Hollywood machine is evil. SO I don’t have an opinion on him but I can sort of understand where he is coming from. Also I’m reconsidering my position on Trank, somethings fishy there

  • Jay Stein

    Hmmm, the mystery

  • Cakefarts

    I’d rather die than watch it again – it was so awesome.

    http://worldpicturegallery.blogspot.ca/2010/05/shotgun-1989-stuart-chapin.html

  • Snake Squeezer

    It’s literally that, feedback on his wireless lav mic.

  • Hank_Henshaw
  • Snake Squeezer

    writing scripts for Michael Bay, are we?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s like they don’t take this shit seriously.

  • Jay Stein
  • Jay Stein

    However “Mannish” KD Lange may be, she’s still better looking than Miles Teller

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Trank and FOX are equally responsible. Trank for wanting to use the Fantastic Four name to pursue his own personal agenda, and FOX for hiring him knowing this, but then backpedaling, and trying to fix it with rewrites and reshoots.

  • Jay Stein

    They do, you’ll see that will be a major plot twist…you’ll see…

  • Breadisha D’eachwik

    5ghz bitch, I thought these were unprofessional professionals. what the hell did none of us pay them for! this might as well as be one easy bread recipe each week!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Agreed.

  • Jay Stein

    Well, the same thing happened with “Ant-Man” but that seems to have turned out fairly decently

  • Jay Stein

    You need to get back to ZBrush…

  • Snake Squeezer

    Yeah I don’t understand why Plinket’s house is still relevant. Didn’t he come down off the mountain and gun down two of the other RLM guys?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They need the house so they can use the set.

  • Snake Squeezer

    Ahhhh, yes. Maybe they will need to go get Plinket’s Night Court tapes?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s right, Jay!

  • Jay Stein

    I found a good quality link to the 1994 F4ntastic

    http://digg.com/video/fantastic-four-roger-corman-1994-full-movie

  • Palpatine

    Is Dr. Doom related to Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? This is an important question that I feel needs answering.

  • Jay Stein

    Dudes, this movie is like Toxic Avenger good…wow

  • Jay Stein

    No

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Jessica Rabbit

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    I thought he killed himself at the gas station, ah maybe Bambi had 2 sons then

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Women I’d like to fyuck episode 1: Alexandra Daddario

  • Joe Syxpac

    Yes.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Yeah, it rocks.

    I tried to get my movie group to watch it but they all balked at it. I told them “If we don’t watch this we can’t be friends anymore”.

    So I need some new friends.

  • Jay Stein

    Hello…Friend

  • Joe Syxpac

    Am I the only one that liked Michael Chiklis in the rubber suit?

    I kinda thought it was neat that they didn’t give him a CGI bukkake in that one.

  • Jay Stein

    Well, the movie is AWESOME! Highly recommended

  • Malevolence

    He’s actually his Father’s Brother’s Nephew’s Cousin’s Former Roommate that just so happens to have the same last name

  • instant relief

    Women I’d like to fuck, episode 1: holes

  • Jay Stein

    women have orifices not holes

  • instant relief

    My penetrational jackhammer can’t tell the difference tho.

  • I’ve seen it. It’s definitely so bad it’s good and I’d rather watch it than Fant4stic.

  • Pig genes.

  • instant relief

    They will eventually show Plinkett’s origins as a child, when he was still enslaved by a flying jewish junk dealer.

  • Get Tim Burton on the phone.

  • Earth

    I hate Reddit.

  • First Last

    i thought all the cast of that one was perfect.
    Ioan Macguffin if one of my favorite actors, Jessica’s Bewbs Alba is probably a bit to sexy, but as that is not a thing it can be ignored. I love everything Michael Chicklis does and the other guy is the blank attractive type perfect for the human touch.

  • Like Icare

    his own personal agenda

    He has a teen-o-phobia? What do you mean by personal agenda?

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    hey pa what should we call our son. i dont know ma, how about ioan.
    ioan? what the hell is that? well, its spanish for keith. well why dont we just call him keith. na that would be too easy.

  • Like Icare

    Perfect casting holds those movies together.
    First one more than the second, but just imagine the second one with a different cast… like that last one.
    They are all quality actors, underrated for one reason or another.

    Alba’s only problem in those movies is the wig in the second one and whatever they used to make her eyes unnaturally blue in that movie.
    Those changes make her look like an albino.

    The second one’s problem is the story.

  • First Last

    Neither of them had great story’s. but they where at least stylistically consistent and apparently made by people who gave a shit.

  • tOmy`

    This is superb. I have to offer something back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eO3RTdyZkB4

  • Like Icare

    First one had a simple, straightforward story. OK for the origin movie.

    Second one had an epic story that needs several movies to be told and that needs to be allowed to grow to that epic scale.
    We’re talking a thing that goes around the galaxy eating planets.
    That’s epic by definition.

    It is not a problem that 4 people can solve by becoming Chris Evans with all 4 powers at once and then punching the “power cosmic” out of Doom.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    well basically Alba is Latino, Latino like Taco. God forbid, we cant have tacos in our white bread. i mean that would be like johnny depp painting his face red kemosabe

  • tOmy`

    The things is that Pizzo apparently tried to pay homage to like 80 different things within 8 hours of cop drama. You have pulp, you have noir. You have about 70 different influences by Lynch, The Wire vibe pops here and there, someone else noticed many lines taken from other movies / shows (including fucking Casablanca) that got sucked in and warped and in the end… well, everybody lost.

    Then you have the obvious middle finger to everyone (including me) bitching about the positive ending of S1; the problem is that he didn’t realize that the main complaints were about weird role reversal and that people are “used to” HBO shows ending ambiguously. And remember when he tried to make people not compare S1 and S2? What a neat idea, except he totally did “pay homage” to it to the point when it became more than an obvious fan service.

    What you are left with is just competent show where it is obvious everyone tried their best but failed spectacularly on many occasions.

  • First Last

    Yeah but that was before the EPIC MOVIE UNIVERSE!!! thing started.
    now they would split part 2 into 6 movies all with stand alone movies that tie into the comic book universe.

  • First Last

    woah. thats a bit racist.

  • Sully

    Only the Plinkett from the Plinkett movie reviews is from Jersey. The one from HitB is from Wisconsin.

    They aren’t the same character.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I thought Taco was half-black.

  • tOmy`

    It’s funny, because as we discovered, Milwaukee is within the first 5% of the most crime-ridden cities in US.

  • tOmy`

    That’s racist.

    *I thought this typical hispanic dish is half african american and half politically correct term for Canadians.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • First Last

    thats what he says. and you cant get a tan in Canada so it must be true.

  • tOmy`

    Penetrational Jackhammer? Dibs on the band name.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    i’d do that ;p

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    actually it’s the opposite.

  • instant relief

    Deal, as long as I can be the band groupie/whore who gets emotionally and sexually abused by everyone, but doesn’t care, because drugs.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What about his sister; Harriet Plinkette?

  • First Last

    its ok Jaws i was only joking. its not like you have to delete your account or anything.

  • TapewormBike

    Too late, sucker

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Bring Omie back!

    #IAmShower

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    that would never happen.

  • TapewormBike

    I don’ think Chris Evans deserves to be thought of only as a pretty boy. He should be thought of as a shirtless pretty boy.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    who was only slightly irritating in that movie, i mean a lot irritating.

  • TapewormBike

    I do like him as Cap and he made a good asshole in Sunshine.

  • First Last

    In hollywould the term “Attractive Type”=”Shirtless ABBuser”

  • TapewormBike

    I am with Karl Pilkington and his opinion on sixpacks, as in, I don’t see why would you want your insides showing.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m trying to view the image but it doesn’t appear to load.

  • Sully

    Considering she’s the twin to the Plinkett in Wisconsin, I’m going to assume she doesn’t exist in whatever alternate universe the Jersey Plinkett lives in. Maybe that’s why he’s crazier; the egg didn’t split and the two of them are trapped in one body.

  • Tim Hendrix

    first Pixels and now this piece of crap, you guys are real troopers.

  • TapewormBike

    No, the troops in Afghanistan are.

  • Jaws Does Dallas
  • Sully

    “African American” is no longer acceptable when describing blacks, ya racist.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    theyve only been in merica for like 500 years. and most of em wouldnt even know where africa even is

  • TapewormBike

    You’re right, he should have used the term “half-brutha”

  • Sully
  • Sully

    I’ll allow it. Also acceptable? Halfy-Blacky

  • TapewormBike

    A “Hacky” if you will

  • First Last
  • Sully

    It’s the one that looks like South America with a badonkadonk, isn’t it?

  • Sully

    Welcome to the joke.

  • Tim Hendrix

    You really gonna open that can a worms here, i used the word troopers as a joke and you begin talking about that god awful war. Geez!

  • TapewormBike

    ISIS no problem with that

  • First Last

    I agree. people should stick to joking about 911 just like Mike and Jay.

  • bleurgh

    Chris Evans is vastly superior as a quiet, troubled, thoughtful and self-righteous Captain America than he was as his immature raging asshole version of the Human Torch. I still feel like they haven’t really explored his character enough in the Captain America films though. He’s supposed to have this old fashioned sense of patriotism, freedom and responsibility, which could work really well in a modern setting, if they juxtaposed it with the nihilistic, individualistic and privacy-free surveillance state we’ve become, but they’ve been too scared to make any real criticisms of the modern world in those movies.

  • First Last

    that is true. have one up vote for insight.

  • Yeah… I find patriotism as scary as religious fanatism.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    thats well written and eloquent are you trying to make us look like philistines

  • WrongWithYourFace

    This prooves that we’re running out of music.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    somethin Einstein would say, in fact he did

  • First Last

    “Nationalism is just racism in another guise.” George Orwell.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Imagine Kevin Conroy saying that line.

  • TapewormBike

    “Adolf Hitler”

    Abraham Lincoln

  • TapewormBike

    It don’t take much o’work. (spits)

  • First Last

    i was just making things up. i didnt mean to make a real quote.

  • instant relief

    What? Why? 🙁

  • bleurgh

    I’m talking about old-school patriotism though. You can argue that we view history with rose-coloured glasses, but patriotism, specifically American patriotism, used to be about admiring working class figures, having unwavering faith in American industry, being a part of a community and celebrating personal freedom, now it’s about fearing the other, never questioning the powers that be, freeing individuals from the burden of having to help anyone other than themselves and protecting ourselves at any cost, even if it means sacrificing our personal freedom.

    For me I’ve always seen Captain America as this idealised version of old-school values with none of the nasty racism, sexism and whatever of the past. A guy with the same value system as your grandfather or great-grandfather, but again, with none of the prejudices and also with the power to kick your ass if you upset him. He comes from a time when people would help elderly people cross the street and treat women with respect, not because they wanted to feel like nice people, but because that was the done thing, that was the fucking standard and he’s shocked by how much crueler, more disrespectful and more selfish everyone has become in spite of our technological and economic development, but he believes that if he sets the right example he might be able to help people find their way again.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    it was easy when we had nazis wasn’t it. and communism was a no brainer, at least for a while. but youre touching upon why i like superman the movie. it does that. and it does it well.

  • Sully

    I wouldn’t say they’ve been “too scared” as much as not interested in pursuing that avenue. Marvel films, thus far, haven’t been about delving into the deeper themes of the characters and plot lines. They’re too focused on setting up the next film and the next film.
    That’s one of the biggest differences between Marvel’s and DC’s films.
    We’ll see if DC can keep that up once their cinematic universe gets into full swing next year.

  • tOmy`

    And I bet that at some point they had to see the finished version of Space Cop.

  • First Last

    Nothing changes human nature.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I witnessed the general audience’s, who no nothing of comics whatsoever, reaction to “Suicide Squad”. The guy was just watching, completely silent, not even flinching. And when the trailer ended he said in a sarcastic tone: “Suicide Squad…” Then he went onto other things.

  • First Last

    You’re right they are not scared. they just have no interest in perusing artistic merit, only money$.

  • bleurgh

    I feel like they were heading in the right direction within Winter Soldier, but they wussed out and gave us a watered down version of the story they could have told. Caps indictment of SHIELD’s practices, which are basically metaphors for the US governments intelligence agencies practices was nowhere near damning enough. The message of the movie should have been ‘It’s not worth protecting ourselves at any cost including the expense of our freedom, instead it was ‘We can’t let our weapons of mass destruction and intelligence gathering enterprises fall into the wrong peoples hands’. So basically the movie went from what could have been a powerful criticism of the NSA to another ‘We can’t let anyone else have nuclear weapons other than us’ movie.

  • tOmy`

    “The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) reportedly sent officers from their gang enforcement unit to oversee proceedings at the premiere of new NWA film Straight Outta Compton on Monday night (August 10).”

    Fuck The Police jokes are allowed.

  • First Last

    #Straight out of the old folks home.

  • tOmy`

    I remember laughing, saying “hey, that’s a neat song” and then masturbating to pictures of Harley Quinn.

  • First Last

    Am i the only one that noticed that after it was reveled the NSA records everything we do. Hollywould stopped being nasty about the NSA.
    Its like they are all worried about what they might have said or done on the internet.

  • tOmy`

    I am actually a bit stoked for the movie. It has a pretty dope trailer:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F5WcFPDzko

  • First Last

    i bet ice cube feels like a dick about this now.

    AIDSbola kills.

    https://youtu.be/NkEcNmBPlVg

  • Sully

    The thing is, Captain America was just as out of place in his own time as he is in ours, because of that lack of prejudice and/or sexism, and that unflinching sense of duty.
    That’s why he was chosen.

    There is no golden age of American Patriotism. We’ve always, and quite ironically, suffered from a severe case of xenophobia and prejudice; everything from locking up Japanese-Americans during WWII, to the hatred of the Irish, the Chinese, Blacks, to Italians, etc. We changed our National Anthem out of fear of Communism for chrissake, which is about the most unpatriotic thing I can imagine.

    If Cap were truly a man of his times, he’d be wondering why Falcon wasn’t in his own unit with Fury and War Machine, and why Black Widow wasn’t a secretary in some office getting her ass slapped.

  • bleurgh

    Yeah, but I think even when Cap was fighting Nazis what he was really fighting was fascism in general and championing old-school american values.

  • First Last

    For some reason you spelt English as American.

  • Nasty sexism and racism was part of the American system of values, even in the army, when Captain America was conceived. What you’re referring to are shallow ideas of the American Dream mixed with what Max Weber called Protestant Work Ethics. Yes, it would be interesting to see Captain confront the ideals of his time with today but that would still be too smart for a superhero movie because it would require not idealizing his own worldview.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • bleurgh

    I completely agree, but I think that’s by design, he’s this improbable blend of everything that’s good about the old and the new value systems. They could’ve easily lamp-shaded that idea in a subtle way by having him try and hold a door open for Black Widow and getting shut down or something like that, but they weren’t prepared to make him anything but a character that is completely politically correct.

  • Bubs

    This looks worse than Catwoman. I’d rather just watch a documentary. Also, Paul Giamatti’s rap name should be Q-Tip.

  • tOmy`

    This is the stuff even Jared Leto cannot destroy. And he destroyed emo for everyone.

  • tOmy`

    I think it’s gonna work out well. Music movies fail very rarely.

  • Sully

    The problem is, the NSA privacy shit wasn’t the only thing brought up in that film. The Hydra infiltration of American government is something else that was brought up, and they even went as far as to mention “Operation Paperclip”, which is a real thing that happened after WWII, where the US government brought in actual Nazis with special knowledge to run certain American programs; everything from bio-engineering diseases (lyme, AIDS, etc.), to building weapons and rockets. That’s not conspiracy nonsense, it’s 100% documented truth.

    I think the issue is they put too much on their plate and couldn’t possibly address it all in the end without the risk of becoming preachy, and whenever a film starts preaching at you, audiences generally check out. So they decided to do a few passing nods to real problems within the American system to get people thinking, and then hop back on the Marvel train to the next film, setting up Avengers and Civil War.

    I was actually surprised they went as far as they did, in what can be considered a “kid’s film.”

  • Bubs

    Oh I’m sure it’ll be well received and all that, but these rap movies all turn out the same. There’s so much melodrama and they try to play it up like they’re a bunch of OG’s or something, when really they’re just businessmen who write poetry.

  • Sully

    Leto’s Joker is the dumbest fucking thing about that movie, and Will Smith is in it. That says a lot.

  • Businessmen with AKs and Mac-10s.

  • Sully

    They do their nods. I actually like his little notepad full of things to try/watch/read/listen to. There was just too much story in Winter Soldier to get through to shoe horn in anymore out-of-time jokes.

  • She’s a bit too perfect for me… But I’d still give it a watch.

  • tOmy`

    Well, NWA were really perceived as thugs and their struggle with cops and government could make for potentially great storyline. I will give you that many of the rap bands / artists are just pretend-OGs (even freaking Eminem talked about it) but some of these guys were / are thugs and criminals.

  • tOmy`

    The best kind.

  • bleurgh

    I agree, if Captain America were an honest representation of a person of that era he would also possess all the negative qualities someone of that time would have had, but my argument is that he wasn’t conceived to be an indictment of the things people of that generation got wrong, but a reminder of the things they got right and mostly of the things they got right that have since fallen out of fashion. Personally I don’t want a Captain America movie to be Fury and to completely destroy the greatest generation myth. I’d rather it be the opposite and promote the myth, because I think that’s truer to what the comic book character was about at it’s best.

  • tOmy`

    Well, the good news is it’s not gonna kill us. It’s just gonna hurt real, real bad.

    Ba-dum-fuck.

  • Sully

    I’d rather let Harley Quinn kill me. Can’t I just have that? Just that? Pwetty pwetty pweeease…

  • bleurgh

    Yeah and also the best time to have made a fish out of water Captain America movie would have been before Avengers which required him to be fairly well-adjusted already. It’s a shame really I would have liked to have seen that movie. I guess I have Sleepy Hollow for that though, which is basically Captain America if he was from the 1770’s instead of the 1940’s.

  • Bubs

    blow*

  • Sully

    I think after what Cap saw in CA: The First Avenger, he’d be pretty quick to adapt to most any era.
    I agree though, Sleepy Hollow is a better fish-out-of-water tale.

  • Sully

    I’ll allow it.

  • But mostly for the 90’s emo scene.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    agreed

  • dollar store cashier wife

    #ommited lives on in our hearts.

  • swallow*

    I just had to.

  • Sully

    You do what you want, Maggit.

    Pound Sign: NoJudgement

  • dollar store cashier wife

    her face gives me a strong uncanny valley effect.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    that’s a little somethin called ”the truth”

  • First Last

    that comment is “Out There”

  • Otto De Lucca Entres

    ATTENTION MIKE AND JAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Jay’s microphone has an annoying screech sound in the background.
    Hope this will help for future productions.
    Really enjoy your reviews.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    did she knew about that?(her subreddit)Better question is should she even give a fuck? She’s a musican-surely she’s seen some bad crowds.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    which is why GoTG sucked just as much the Avengers.

    Case Closed.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    pretty sure that was just George Lucas fucking with them, its like some kind of revenge thing

  • dollar store cashier wife

    sublime work of art. thanks for sharing this.

  • Sully

    You know, I hadn’t noticed until you said something, but you’re right. It is annoying. Even though one hundred BILLION others mentioned it as well, it wasn’t until you mentioned it that I finally noticed.

  • tOmy`

    Also: This is the second time in row when the usual Half In The Bag intro gets a brand new rework. It sucks, because I don’t like things that are different, but it shows that the gang is finally maturing and taking chances after finishing Space Cop.

  • I don’t know but that was the word. Remember the Yoko Ono comments when she first appeared on screen? Mike wasn’t pleased.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Worst Remake Ever: A Nightmare on Elm St. (2010)

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    sorry jackie earle haley, you sucked

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I remember them mocking Yoko Ono comments on HiTB but I don’t remember if even a single person making those comments got banned.

  • TapewormBike

    Yes. This. Yes. This. Yes. This.

  • TapewormBike

    We need to talk about mics more.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Fun with Pixels and blanket DMCA strikes.

  • Tee hee. I heard about that.

  • Can we gouge our fucking ears out? Is that possible?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I have an external article I could link, but I’m scared of the Ban-Hammer Bagul… ;_;
    Anyway, geek dot com. Tits.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Hey now, foxes aren’t supposed to be catty. They’re supposed to be foxy.
    Now put on this bustiere~

  • TapewormBike

    .tits needs to be a thing

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Speaking of which, did you know that Samurai Cop is alive?

  • TapewormBike

    No, I am trying to translate back of the S.O.S box

  • Sully

    What can I say? I’m a catty fox.
    Also, is that the turtle’s bustiere or the donkey’s?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Liar! There were no tits, only a picture of a motherboard. Oh… Ooooohh!

  • Sully
  • Sully
  • Sully

    “Copyright Trolls”

    [Poster Pending]

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Or .cum

    Talk about about an easy way to know what your kids have been up to on their compewters.

  • Sully

    *Cum’spew’ters

  • TapewormBike

    Who’d think Sandler and company would align themselves with copyright trolls? Huh?!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    There must be something wrong with me because, having read the comments before the video, I actually turned up the volume in order to hear the sound. Maybe it’s the obsessive need to get as much out of RLM content as possible.

  • TapewormBike

    You like the pain, don’t you, you sexy bitch.

  • First Last

    wow. you guys really miss that omitted fellow.

  • Sully

    The same ones who thought Sandler & Co. dumb enough to shoot themselves in the foot.

    Pound Sign: Everyone

  • TapewormBike

    They really should do an all-female version of Sex and the City

  • First Last

    It says.
    “Help i’m a prisoner of a crazy cult and they make me make promotional videos that make no sense! yours sincerely Wizard Phoenix.”

  • First Last

    that would never work.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You get like whiplash. What is this comment going for?

  • Sully

    They have that. It’s called The Real Housewives of [insert city name here]… and it’s awful.

  • Dungeon Master

    I think Jamie Bell is cursed.

  • TapewormBike

    Whoa, that’s a bit homophobic

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And they should drop the “and the City” part because the target audience for those movies can no longer read more than one word at a time.

  • tOmy`

    Man, I rewatched this episode like 8 times and those frauds still didn’t fix it.

    It makes me sick.

  • TapewormBike

    It changes on the 25th time, it’s an Easter Egg

  • Sully

    No, he just needs to wrap up his contract with FOX (Jumper, FANT4STIC), and run away to any other studio (Tin Tin, Snowpiercer, Defiance).

  • TapewormBike

    Off to Starbucks, they better have The Thing Frappé. I feel like sucking superhuman juices.

  • First Last

    My high school had massive design flaws. like asbestos and PA microphone inputs around the school, that where hard wired in…
    so one day the local cops sent an officer to tell the youngsters about the dangers of drink driving. and he was welcomed by the PA blaring Fuck the Police.
    good times.

  • Sully

    So much bait in one comment.

  • Earth

    Too soon?

  • tOmy`

    “Winona Ryder confirms Beetlejuicesequel” Hey, maybe if they reboot it 3 times, it will disappear.

    In other news: You can know check out what word was born in the same year as you were! Mine is crowd-surfing, which actually makes me very fucking happy. http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/how-to-find-your-birthday-word–bkVWCe8UEl

  • Sully

    GAZILLION!!!

  • TapewormBike

    It’s my mating call

  • First Last

    thats sad… i was crowd surfing as a teen.
    and if its creepy Michael Keaton still stalking winona i’dStillRideHer. then i’m sold.

  • tOmy`

    Really? Great! Let’s go then!

    *unzips*

  • Sully
  • First Last

    dont tell me he got banned?

  • tOmy`

    I bet GrumPa’s is “TV”.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    This is just a ploy to figure out people’s birth years, innit? Well, mine is a word I have never even heard of before and already forgot what it was.

    I’m just glad it’s not any of the 2000’s ones.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Sully

    Or “ballyhoo.”

  • tOmy`

    What a bombastic nonsense.

  • Pulp

    Talking about science, the longer I stare at Mikes ears the more I have to think about Darwins Woolnerian tip; a primitive mammalian type ear.

  • Earth

    I’m pretty sure Joaquin Phoenix was actually brought up in Family International.

  • First Last

    he is on Holiday. for a week.

  • First Last

    who? i’m talking about Wizard Phoenix.

  • Alex Lee

    While I agree with your general point, having Black Widow react negatively to Chivalry would make unnecessarily make her look like a bitch. I guess the idea would work if it was some supernumerary instead.

  • First Last

    My translators thesaurus included “Tallyho! Lets give Jerry a good licking”

  • Earth

    Wizard Phoenix is named after Joaquin Phoenix, hence the profile picture.

  • First Last

    What?! i dare you to say that to his face.

  • Alex Lee

    FOX definitely deserves the blame for procrastinating as long as they have, but Trank made it much worse by reacting to the fans and exacerbating the lack of positive buzz.

    I don’t think Trank was ever suited to the rigors of studio filmmaking, and nothing about his film history suggest he was ever up to the task. A Found Footage style already implies a weak director because it doesn’t require nearly as much planning as a regular film.

  • Alex Lee
  • First Last
  • Sully

    Let’s don’t and say we didn’t.

  • Sully

    I can’t wait for the 20 minute, state-of-the-art, sandworm chase sequence in this new Dung Beetle sequel. It’s gonna be great.

  • origonalname112

    Where are rich and the bald guy? Sometimes I just wish all four of them did this show, at least for the nerd films.

  • Alex

    Speaking of filmmakers who are embarassed of their movie:
    You hacks should’ve reviewed that Jerry Lewis tape on your desk.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Darude – Sandworm. Starring TapewormBike.

  • instant relief

    I want to FAQ more. Where’s FAQbot 5000 when you need it?

  • RTFM!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    No. I made this one just for YOUUUUUU. http://cdn.meme.am/images/300x/12226441.jpg

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    *twiddles fingers* I just want to promote ‘tits’ as a random, default expletive… No need to make it all SEXUAL or anything. *whistle*

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    racist.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell
  • Sully

    I… I don’t like that. You know in certain parts of the world, it’s illegal to interfere with a foxes boner.

  • Captain Turbo

    Rollerball is up there.

  • Brack to the Future

    Poast #1000

    Jay’s mic problem is more tolerable if you listen with just the left speaker.

  • Alex Lee

    Seriously? Watch the last HiTB.

  • Brack to the Future

    Morphologically dissimilar: I think as his face gets fatter, it stretches his ears out.

  • its called bleach

    youve gotta be fucking kidding m80

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I’d love to see the legal language for trying such cases.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    He’s their therapist, and is the link that binds the disparate, emotionally-isolated characters together… Wait, did they have therapists in the 70’s?

  • its called bleach

    yeah theyre gone forever now

  • Red Skeleton

    And the neck beard guy. And the canadian guy. And the boob guy.

  • Sully

    It’s all jargon. “…something, something, aroused vulpes, something…

  • tOmy`

    I miss both boob guys. I want them to have their own ChickFlick HiTB and / or slumber party videos.

  • Robotpals

    Although it’s not really that important, Sue and Johnny being blond kids is more important to their characters than anyone else’s race in the F4ntastic 4. If they needed to mix it up, why not have Reed be black? Because he’s the smart one, and it makes more sense for the black guy to be the hothead? Because having a black guy as the leader of a team that isn’t all black and aimed at the “urban market” is ludicrous? Because, again, there’d be an interracial romance that isn’t the whole point of the movie? Start lecturing us about racism again, Hollywood.

  • Miguel Angel Teran Mendez

    they are starting their own shared universe!!

  • Red Skeleton

    Will Michael Keaton be playing THAT ONE CHARACTER in it again? You know, THAT CHARACTER?

  • Snake Squeezer

    Was the Time Hiedecker footage in any of the trailers or promo material?

  • I’m too lazy to check.

  • Are you sure? Remember the last time the elderly got togeather on screen!

    #hitlersaddampolpotstalinstevejobs

    http://torontoist.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/20130702GoldenGirls.jpg

  • It’s not a mic problem, it’s a drinking problem.

    #RLMconfessions

  • Snake Squeezer

    The only drinking problem is when you run out of hooch!

  • Snake Squeezer

    So Columbia sent a take down notice to Vimeo stating they must take down any video containing the word “pixels.” Surely there couldn’t be any use of that word not pertaining to Sadman Addler, right?

  • That would never happen under Obamacare. Dumb Americans.

  • Snake Squeezer

    You know, I’ve been thinking over the course of the last few HitBs that they seem to have access to high quality video of the movies that I would doubt would be in any promo material. Could the Hack Frauds possibly have become legitimate enough that they are getting sent screeners now?!

  • Snake Squeezer

    What’s the O’Boss Nass healthcare policy have to say about it?

  • That’s the historical propaganda speaking. The working class was always violently surpressed, the industry was to support the wealthy heavy business owners and foreign policy. Patriotism held the system intact, when the population started to suffer the popular uprises were 50 years to late to change the path that has lead to this day. The states does not have democracy and can’t see it because it’s the greatest country in the world. All nations are dysfunctional in one way or another and should always be seen that way because you will eventually always end up in chauvinism.

    Standard human decency and self control should be the right set of tools. And if the state should set a moral program to infuse these on the population I would run away get as far away from it as possible. Nothing good comes out of it.

  • Boss brewery, now with that special Wisconsin ingredient: heroin!

  • The Summer of George

    Wise up, you dummies, none of these movies matter because BOYHOOD IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • They may know some people who own cinemas in Milwaukee. I mean, I think they must have at least screened one of their moopies in a movie theatre, right?

  • bruce wayne

    Well, one more movie I won’t make any effort to go see. Not that Fantastic Four was ever a major draw for me anyway, ever since that crappy ass cartoon in the seventies I’ve never seen an iteration of the FF that was of interest.

  • Palpatine

    It’s greatness must be preserved!

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    More like “Fantastic Bore”? Amirite, Jay?

  • Mark Bisone

    They should have sent a general notice demanding that the would take down any video stream which contains pixels. Then, no one would be able to watch any Adam Sandler movie ever again.

  • origonalname112

    I know, right! They gave a lot of perspective from the comics and stuff that I think added to the discussion.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    It’s the greatest thing since Citizen Kane!

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Jay’s Mike Problem is sitting right next to him.
    **slide whistle**

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    The Plinkett Shared Universe … where a pizza roll will get its own feature film before a female character does! Just how Marvel does it!

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Thank God! Jack sucked.

  • Ogrot

    You know what Beetlejuice needed? A giant battle at the end of it. Fuck costumes, and jokes, and story, and fun. We need a dark, violent, and erotic teenage reboot of this beloved franchise.

    Winona Ryder will be in it as a little nod to the old film, but the main character will be her daughter Miranda, played by Kristen Stewart, who will spend most of her time pretending to be a corpse (or so it would seem) as she attempts to act like a teenage girl depressed about her father’s death. While laying about the attic for some reason she will discover the book of the dead with Beetlejuice’s ad in it, and for no reason use it to summon Beetlejuice.

    After saying the titular line three times Channing Tatum will appear through a terrible looking CGI fog and do his best impression of a con man psychoanalyst as he manipulates Kristen Stewart to cry about her dead dad and all the other things she finds depressing. Channing Tatum promises to bring her her father as a ruse to spend time with her in order to woo her.

    Together they embark on an adventure to journey through the land of the dead, a giant lifeless cgi desert filled with generic looking sandworms that are a vague throwback to the ones that appeared briefly in the original film. But soon after arriving they are caught by the Fremen and almost killed by them were it not for Beetlejuice’s quick thinking as he cons them into believing he is the Kwisatz Haderach. Channing Tatum and his newfound Queen Kristen Stewart lead the Fremen as they fight the forces of Baron Harkonnen for control of the spice mines of Kessel. Culminating into a twist ending where Beetlejuice really is the Kwisatz Haderach causing Kristen’s Stewart’s CGI baby to proclaim it for all to hear from inside her womb. The Fremen will then ride the generic looking cgi sandworms into battle against the Baron Harkonnen’s evil forces as they fight in a conflict that the main character’s have absolutely no stake in.

    At the end Beetlejuice admits that her father can’t be found in the land of the dead, because he had no reason to linger on this plane of existence and had crossed over. Kristen Stewart doesn’t care because she’s realized that sleeping with a dead person has made her grow as a woman. They then kiss and a stirring orchestral sting plays. The credits will play an upbeat pop song right afterward with cutesy pictures of all the characters.

  • Alex Lee

    “I wanna talk about how awesome Boyhood is!”

    -Mike Stolkasa

  • tOmy`

    Fuck my “alcoholic fights 18 goth kinds on a top of a cop car” movie, I want this to be made. In full fucking 3D.

  • Ogrot

    A Drunken Master reboot?

  • It took me a while to get you meant Jessi and Gillian.

  • Sully
  • Earth

    So Whiplash was the best movie of 2014? You fucks! I’ve been telling everyone my favourite movie was Birdman. How am I supposed to know which movie to brag about without you guys telling me?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Actually the best was Boyhood. It took twelve years to make!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    “…something, lipstick, something…”

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I’ll keep listening to people’s Boyhood jokes — as long as we agree that 11 years from now WE ALL HAVE TO STOP MAKING THEM.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I might have a heart attack or two before then.

  • Sully

    Hey, that’s our word. You don’t get to use that word.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Heart attacks are just a part of the ‘Merican lifestyle, you PUSSY!……….cat. Just thump that-therh chest a few times, then get back to entrepreneuring. Patoo.

  • Sully

    What if Boyhood wasn’t some grand movie plan, and was, instead, the worst case of procrastination in cinema history.

  • Sully

    The best part is, their own trailer was taken down in the deluge.
    Fuckin’ genius!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I am WOMAN. And I will claim all I see before me.

  • Now I Get It

    That’s all they had in the 70s.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Nah, that would be the Star Wars sequels and Indiana Jones.

  • Jean-François Martel

    nu skool

  • Sully

    But those weren’t intended, that’s why they took so long… and ultimately why they sucked.

  • Jean-François Martel

    what happened to him, was he banned?

  • Sully

    His manic self? Yes. I believe so.

  • Sully

    It’s a picture! I wanna see money BURNING ON THA FUCKIN’ SCREEN!!!

  • Viking Eagle

    *Adjusts Glasses* Well, actually in Season 1, Episode 22 “Joker’s Favor” Charlie Collins’ Drivers License say that it was issued in 1992, so *Nasal Scoff*.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Dinky~

  • Sully
  • Palpatine

    What is this, the RLM Reddit where we make Boyhood and Ishtar references all the time?

  • Sully

    Fuck those posers.

  • Sully

    As a ‘Merican, if you aren’t downing handfuls of Bayer Aspirin like M&Ms, you’re just asking for trouble.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I’m working on a Boyhood joke.

    But it’s gonna take me 12 years to finish it.

  • Joe Syxpac

    We’re gonna have to base this friendship on something more than mutual love of bad movies.

  • Jean-François Martel

    that’s pretty much what it looks like to me too.

  • Jean-François Martel

    unlike the pixels review which is good wholesome fun for the whole family

  • Wizard Phoenix

    WatchMojo didn’t include Rich Evans. The hell is wrong with them?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_n8i4miPVU

  • Jean-François Martel

    i’m not even gonna lie, i’m excited about this one. More so than Batman VS Superman. Suicide Squad actually looks fun and not all serious and grim

  • Sully

    I see Omitted made #5.

  • The Ghost

    So, if any of you poor souls have actually seen Fantastic Four, maybe you can confirm this: Apparently that scene from the trailer when the Thing is dropped from an airplane and into some kind of warzone (the shot that ended almost every version of the trailer I saw) wasn’t even in the film?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Nobody here actually watches movies.

  • Mistah J.

    Correct.

  • Sully
  • The Ghost

    .. Wow. And that’s only trailer footage. I can only imagine how much more they removed.

  • Sully

    . . . . . . . . . . I’m sorry.

    http://i.imgur.com/HgteGFj.jpg

  • Palpatine

    Because Jay is hotter than Rich.

  • Alex Lee

    Cool trailer footage at that.

  • Palpatine

    It’s only a movie, it’s only a movie, it’s only a movie, it’s not real:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0kXpUaQpXMA

  • Alex Lee

    He doesn’t like getting stabbed.

  • Sully

    Who’s got money on the mother being normal, and the two boys being delusional psychos?

  • First Last

    birdman?

  • Bubs

    So I watched “Tusk” last week, the latest Kevin Smith flop. Now, I was foolish enough to give Kevin Smith the benefit of the doubt. I thought, “He’s a pretty clever writer, I’m sure he’ll do something clever with this movie. It’s going to me more than what you think, sort of Cabin in the Woodsish.” Holy fuck was I wrong. It was a disaster from start to finish. it was exactly like getting high with your friends and coming up with a really dumb and crazy idea for a movie, except then he went and did it. It was just so fucking stupid, and I would recommend avoiding it like the plague.

    Now, that being said, the thing that annoys me more, is that Kevin Smith won’t accept that his film was an ill-conceived and poorly thought out disaster. Instead, much like a certain Jorge, he completely defends every choice that was made in the film. “It’s Art” is his argument. While not wrong, it’s poor justification for such a trainwreck. So Fuck you, Smith. Your film sucked my cock. Be a man and accept responsibility for your failures.

  • netcrave

    The review made me actually curious about the movie. I don’t know why myself, but I often happen to really dig movies that are for no one.
    You said something similar about The Hangover III and I weirdly enjoyed seeing that strange movie too.

  • Palpatine

    I liked his movie Red State.

  • Bubs

    Me too. No one else did.

  • Palpatine

    I really don’t why.

  • Sully

    I enjoyed it, especially the last 3rd.

  • Bubs

    I think two reasons: It comes off as political propaganda, and the ending was a complete coin toss. You either like the ending, or you hate it. There’s no room for in-between.

  • First Last

    When he didnt smoke weed Kevin was creative and clever. now he smokes openly on set and his movies are suffering.

  • Palpatine

    Michael Parks was amazing in it.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, the ending was pretty silly.

  • moron

    Its about time you FUCKS mentioned Whiplash.

  • Palpatine

    And on top of that, the original ending was going to be different. It was originally to end with an archangel killing the pastor with a sword, followed by the descent of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

  • Bubs

    Yeah I heard, but they didn’t have the budget. That would have been a killer fucking ending.

  • Jay Stein

    To quote Spock…”just what is it that our friendship is to be based?

  • Seth

    I love that you hack fraud fucks are getting reviews out quicker. You’re saving a lot of people, potentially, from fork in the brain.

  • Seth

    I enjoyed it also. Goodman more or less carried the movie, but the damn thing worked. Felt a little incomplete but in an era of cinematic gluttony that’s something I can stand more of.

  • Seth

    That’s a filthy lie. Rich Evans adorns the fevered sex dreams of many, many, MANY women.

  • Niccageshair

    I didn’t really have a problem with the positive ending I had more of an issue with the scooby doo “Oh it was the lawnmower man all along” which season 2 also had with the twins. most good noirs introduce the bad guy for more than a scene(or at least a very considerable scene) earlier then slowly reveal the corruption/deceit. It just seemed like “oh it’s that guy”. I will say season 1 really lost a lot of momentum for me when it fast forwarded to the present.

    An article I read about the s2 finale put it best, why was this about cops at all? They had tangential connections at best to what became the main storyline. If this was solely focused on the twins revenge, I think it may have worked as the twist on classic noir/pulp the best parts of s1 were.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Nope nope! That’s past the window! You’re going to have to move up production on that one.

  • MichaelKz

    Palpatine. You were great in the movie Gorky Park.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Give in to the… MINGE HYPNOSIS!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lkjoTh1Gpk

  • Sully

    I’m more of a breast fox myse—

    http://i.imgur.com/09MVSrO.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes it wasn’t, plenty of footage wasn’t in the movie. It’s shocking because despite how long the movie felt it was only a 100 minutes long.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Smith himself admitted on his podcast that his movie sucked.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jay only has the Native Americans.

  • Ogrot

    Beetlejuice 2 has just secured the rights to Patrick Stewart’s cgi likeness from Bethesda studios. His likeness and voice recordings from Bethesda’s The Elder Scrolls Oblivion Game will be re-mixed and re-rendered to create the character Gurney Halleck who will be Beetlejuice’s loyal manservant when he becomes the Kwisatz Haderach.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Excuse me but you’re wrong, moron

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJODpPoOddg

  • instant relief

    You stupid people gotta learn your history right.

  • instant relief

    Yeah, RLM are the only film critics world wide, so they better do a good job, AMIRITE OR ON COCAINE?

  • instant relief

    I wish I had a movie sucking my cock.

  • instant relief

    I watch porn.

  • instant relief

    More like “Fantastic Whore”? Amirite, Mr. Plinkett?

  • Seth

    You got it in one.

  • instant relief

    That’s jaycist.

  • instant relief

    Yeah, that’s my sex life in a nutshell.

  • instant relief

    7/11 was an inside job.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, the robbery of it was clearly staged.

  • Cynical Optimist

    He’s already moved on to fapping to Ben Affleck Batsuit pictures.

  • Mike Magnum

    Well i actually enjoyed Birdman more. It kept me more engaged. The whole time i watched Whiplash. I was thinking to myself. There no way this guy would still have a job or keep it for 20 years. JK Simmons did a good job playing an A-Hole. But it just felt like Full Mental Jacket: Jazz Band Edition.

  • It’s called damage control.

  • Snake Squeezer

    Just like Ma used to make!

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Same here. SO sorry I took Jay’s advice. (He also tells me to burn City Hall down for some reason..) He was saying such admirable things about Micheal Parks performance, and it just sounded like a lot of mumbling to me.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    By the way, that’s what I’ll call my poster credit if I ever start directing. “A ______ Flop”.

  • Mike Magnum

    Am the only one who thought chronicle wasn’t remotely that good.

  • Bubs

    When did Jay recommend this film? I don’t recall that. Also, Jay has recommended several very terrible films. Starry Eyes immediately comes to mind.

    ETA: Overtime it has seemed to me that Jay and I have very dissimilar taste in films. I generally go with Mike’s recommendations.

  • instant relief

    I thought it was creative and very diverting.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    During one of the Rich Works on his Computer webstream. I did like his assessment of “I don’t like his face”. Referring to the “goofy, sardonic face Smith always makes during pictures.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s not because Jay has Native American in him.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    “Fantastic Fraud?”
    -Jay Bauman

  • First Last

    thats riech mien herr.

  • instant relief

    Drew Barrymore from the future?
    EDIT: “riech” means “to smell”

  • First Last

    Ya. and my bad, in English it is ‘I before E except after C”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Well, at least it isn’t a desk job.

  • First Last

    Working in the world trade center was an inside job… till 911, then it was briefly an outside job, followed by a rapidly falling job, then a buried in rubble job.
    after that it was a recovery operation.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Nobody watches WatchMojo.

  • First Last

    *nutsack?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Other than Harley, all the characters and Will Smith look forgettable. I’ll probably just wait until Mike and Jay tell me what to think about it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    But it all started with a blow job.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    if all they got was a copy of It, clearly they got there Stephen Kings mixed up, because Pet Sematary is the better movie

  • First Last

    Everyone learns to appreciate Blow.

  • Jaws Does Dallas
  • Jaws Does Dallas
  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Women I wanna fuck volume 2: Kate Upton. i dont care if youre bad for me baby. I’d do you anyway.

  • First Last

    or Carrie, the Running Man, the Shining, Christine… should i go on?

  • First Last

    I usually like jays point of view. that explains a lot.

  • Jaws Does Dallas
  • First Last
  • Jaws Does Dallas

    thumbs up from me

  • First Last

    If you bury a modem in a pet cemetery you can recover your account… but its never the same… its like the internet takes part of your soul each time.

  • Jaws Does Dallas
  • First Last

    i was more into Faith no more.

    https://youtu.be/d1g9PFtSCKw

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    that works

  • Jaws Dallas Howard?

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    I preferred The Fonz. so he could say ”heyyy” in the heat of the moment… besides i hear he likes jumping sharks.

  • First Last

    Commenting on RLM is a dirty job…

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    but someones gotta do it

  • First Last

    That comment was…

    https://youtu.be/ZG_k5CSYKhg

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    rockin’

  • instant relief
  • What’s he doing with my cocaine?

  • First Last
  • instant relief

    Maybe take a little nosedive?

  • First Last

    Thank you Magic Trash Can.

  • Bubs

    I don’t take your meaning.

  • instant relief

    *nutcracker

  • First Last

    IS it just me or has HitB become the Marvel Universe Cinematic Komplements service.
    or S.U.C.Ks.
    Seriously dont dont about things you kinda like!
    i fell in love with HitB for the movies i had never herd of, and the movies you hated and had insights as to why.
    NOT Mike and Jay sitting around saying…
    “Meh it was ok. ”
    “I disagree! i thought it was only kinda OK.”
    “MEH”
    “Yeah Meh… say plinkett so we can cut.”
    “Plinkett….”

  • First Last

    Sweet!

  • First Last

    you never do Steve.

  • Bubs

    I’m going to assume you meant that you also have consistently poor taste in movies. Then I’m going to forget this “”””discussion”””” happened.

  • Joe Syxpac

    To quote Sandra Bullock from Speed… “We’ll have to base it on sex”.

  • Joe Syxpac

    And I watch you watch porn.

  • Joe Syxpac

    But I’m soooooo lazy.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Betty White has been on my list for years.

    Prolly running out of time to fulfill that one.

  • instant relief

    That’s 1.99 per minute, baby!

  • Joe Syxpac

    Worth every penny.

  • instant relief

    That’s my boy! <3

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    the revenge of michael caine

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    golden shower girls

  • Joe Syxpac

    Just saw a trailer for The Transporter Refueled.

    No Jason Statham.

    Not sure how I feel about that.

  • Jaws Does Dallas
  • Bubs

    I’m not like a genius or anything, but wouldn’t that acronym be M.U.C.K.?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Totally different list.

  • First Last

    RLM as shown us power. but for months i have seen no passion. Space Cop is killing them…. poor bastards only having to make movies. i’m going to feel so lazy next week when i have to do 16 hour days to shear the sheep…. but its not like wool for cloths. and Lambs for food are important.
    not like film makers.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    ”playing it safe, doesn’t win the game”. – somebody who won a lot

  • First Last

    snap. i changed the acronym but forgot to change the joke….my bad.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    he could be a contender, he showed it in lock stock, but, the expendable nature of fame is 15 minutes.

  • First Last

    Rule one Respect the Driver.
    or not……

  • Bubs

    Maybe you could try the Super Hero Marvel Universe of Cinematic Kudos Services. Or S.H.M.U.C.K.S. You can have this one for free, coz I’m quality like that.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    We Rant a LOT: Batman 1989 irritates me, why, because it tried to be dark, and goes fucking goofy. And that is bullshit. fuck you movie.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CprfjfN5PRs

  • First Last

    Thats what i tell the sheep…. when we shoot them……..

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    The silence of the lambs

  • First Last

    they never start screaming? WTF! and their mothers bleat for them for a few days,,, there is no silence at slaughter time.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    still. better than Red Dragon which is one of the worst movies ever made.

  • First Last

    That is a perfect review if it it was released this year.
    It wasnt. for its time it was a groundbreaking movie.
    context is a thing.
    Like i hate Casablanca, Gone with the Wind and Citizen Kane.
    but i except that thats my taste. not bad film making, because they are good movies i just dont like them in the context of my life.

  • First Last

    I was all “NO! thats…. wait what was that movie? was that eddy naughty?…”
    Then i thought “He got me this time”

  • Joe Syxpac

    What Batman 1989 did was take the campy Adam West version of Batman out of the mainstream.

    It did add it’s own bit of camp, but it made comics a more acceptable source for major motion pictures. We can thank it for the deluge of wonderful comic movies we enjoy today. Like Fantastic Four.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Citizen Kane is black and white boring and I did not like it.
    Gone With the Wind is romance (yawn) but has one of the best actresses of all time.
    Casablanca is not Gone With the wind.
    And Time Burton had Jack Nicholson who looked EXACTLY like the Joker but hammed it up like a clown (in a bad way)

  • First Last

    So the new Terminator Franchise should be based on stopping comic book movies?
    T800: “Who are you?”
    Michael Keaton: “I’m BATMAN”
    T800: “Your Terminated.”

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    ”You’re Terminated *Fucker*” gotta keep the R rating

  • Joe Syxpac

    I’m pretty sure after Nicholson played the Joker in Batman, DC started making the Joker in Jack’s image, not the other way around.

    Cuz prior to that the Joker was a skinny, long faced dude.

  • First Last
  • Jaws Does Dallas

    because he looked perfect in every way, pity that burton made him do dumb shit, cause he IS the Joker.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Only if it prevents Terminator Genisys from being made too.

  • First Last

    wasn’t that the whole point? that and the marveldc turdverse.

  • instant relief

    I think the Terminator franchise should explore the origins of the first Terminator and how it was raised on a farm in the Alps frolicking around on the grass and drinking milk directly from cow titties!

  • First Last

    Yodels Arnie Who?
    Three jokes in one BOOM! 4 if you count the bi-lingual joke.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Tim Burton did turn the Batman universe into a freak show. Never did care for that. Especially what he did to the Penguin in Batman Returns. When I heard Danny DeVito was playing him I thought it was a fantastic choice, but they made him into a mutant monster that I could barely look at.

  • Joe Syxpac

    That’s why he uses a silencer when he shoots them.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    penguin army… burton you make shyamalan look good

  • Joe Syxpac

    The difference is that people actually watch Tim’s movies.

  • First Last

    your’re both right.

  • instant relief

    I… have no words.

  • tOmy`

    I was more than OK with the fast forward; After all, we (as audience) knew that the story told happened in past and that we are seeing at least two points at time. I didn’t like the S2 time shift that much, especially since it glossed over the mass shootout. Also, the “aftermath” did feel bit The Wire-ish – oh, look, they buried her in the evidence room! Sigh.

    And yea, was it about cops? Was it about the case? Was it about corruption and the status quo? Was it about sex? Because everything is fucking. Somewhere around E3 I post a comment here saying that I think we are looking at this wrong: Maybe it is just about characters, the case being somewhat of a reason to connect them. But that wasn’t the case either. Honestly, till now, I am still not very sure what was the main focus.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I’m also right when I say that Batman:The Animated Series was the best Batman ever.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    maybe, but i pity them. because burton cant tell a story and cant film action. 2 critical things both of which describe ”movies”.

  • tOmy`

    I think they killed his character in the Fast & Furious Extended Racing Universe.

  • First Last

    No. your not.

  • tOmy`
  • First Last

    I started a Disqution about this, and found even more jokes.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Still have a soft spot for the Adam West one, huh?

  • Red Skeleton

    No the guy who’s name is NOT Beetlejuice.

  • Red Skeleton

    i love that movie 🙂

  • First Last

    No that was Paul Bland, Mall Walker.

  • tOmy`

    No, that happened in Too Fast & Too Furious Reality Universe.

    CHECK YOUR GEEK CRED, BRO!

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    i know ppl do but its no different to batman and robin

  • First Last

    some of my earliest memory’s are of two men in tights with their underpants on the outside…. but that may have been a church thing.

  • Red Skeleton

    Remember when the EPA guy totally fucked over New York in Ghostbusters by shutting down a nuclear reactor nobody understood? Good thing it was only a movie and the EPA would never be that fucking stupid in real life.

    http://www.vox.com/2015/8/10/9126853/epa-mine-spill-animas

    … Oh…………

  • Red Skeleton

    That’s… wow don’t even go there.

  • tOmy`

    I read about that yesterday. It’s a glorious news item, it really is.

  • First Last

    HEY! DUDE! i can bro! i will totally bro!….
    I bet my R31-Skyline against your not having a car in a race.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    it does have some good footage of the batmobile, and that must be why ppl like it, but any moron can film the batmobile in action and make it look good. any one who cant do that is not fit to make movies, Nolan im looking at you. the tumbler is the worst possible batmobile and it never looks good on screen… fail

  • tOmy`

    Deeeewd, Skylines are so F&F2 and F&F7. In F&F8, it’s all gonna be about hybrids.

    And by hybrids I obviously mean fuel-powered hybrids between tanks, airplanes and muscle cars that will be packed with fully sentient nitro that will be, ironically, much better actor than anyone else in the cast.

  • Sully

    Looks like Tang.

  • instant relief

    Lay ’em on me.

  • tOmy`

    Do you remember when Tang was all the hype? Ever snorted it?

  • Sully

    I feel like that would hurt your face.

  • Red Skeleton

    i remember when Tang used Orangutans in their adverts even though the word Tang doesn’t appear in Orangutan.

  • First Last

    Australian miners did the same thing…. in PNG and on the Danube in Europe, but in recent mining operations. not trying to clean up 150 year old mines.

  • First Last

    I blame NASA

  • First Last
  • Sully

    But what about the Football Players? People remember the Football Players. People like the Football Players. No Football Players. No deal. Also… is Glenn Shadix still around?

  • First Last

    This guy Redit.

  • Sully

    Andrew’s not in NASA.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    adam west was the best.

  • Sully
  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Somewhere over the rainbow, where dee dee dee., dahh dah dee dah dah dah why oh why cant i… everybody! .. somewhere over the rainbow, la laa laa.. come on man its a classic.. laa laaa dee dee dah dahh.. somwhere…. ah fuck yas then i thought it was good.

  • You’ve had enough coke for one day, Jaws. Time to share.

  • tOmy`

    So after watching the Pixels review by MovieBob, I noticed he did one on Furious 7. I really want to share it with you because he manages to nail (almost) all my views about this series within 6 minutes and he puts it in a way I was never able to do here. So if you are interested, check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsKaTdu39JU

  • Sully
  • First Last

    Sooooooo? Mad max 5?

  • First Last

    BADA BOOM!
    how did Seppos get to rule the world?

  • tOmy`

    *Tang

  • First Last

    Of corse not NASA has standards.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    very good

  • tOmy`

    YET.

  • First Last

    *Poon.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    pity coke changed its ingredients ive never forgiven them for that

  • First Last
  • Red Skeleton

    The tumbler? Is that the tank from Batman Begins? Not gonna argue with you there, it was pretty lame.

  • tOmy`

    It used to be much better when they cut it with rat poison.

  • tOmy`

    If it doesn’t hurt, you are doing it wrong.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    the dark knight is just a decent episode of law and order the only thing its missing is the soundtrack

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz4-aEGvqQM

  • First Last

    It was one of the most awesome practical things eve put in a move…. but it was the shiest batmobile other than a batmoblile made of shit.

  • First Last

    So they went from Psychoactive Coca Leaves to Non-Psychoactive Coca Leaves.
    it was the addictive compounds they wanted not the trip.
    Whos house? COKES HOUSE!
    or you can drink pisspi. that has no coca alkaloids.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    this

  • First Last

    Yes.

  • tOmy`

    Now when I think about it, Hardy would be a great addition to the F&F crew. Or Craig.

  • First Last

    I think if RLM has taught us anything its that Cameras, Production Values… these things make a jedi not.
    Get your SmartiPhone and record something!

    Oh and always have contempt for your audience…. and dont forget the Winnie Blues.

    https://youtu.be/8YwqFz14xY4

  • #DoYouKnowLessonsOfLife? #2:
    Don’t play the game. Uninstall it.

  • tOmy`

    My HDD begs to differ.

  • First Last

    I just posted the Lessons of Life.

  • First Last
  • tOmy`

    Hey, speaking of movies, I saw two movies yesterday! How cool is that?

    The Cheap Thrills: 7/10
    A Most Violent Year: 9/10

    Both totally worth a recommendation.

  • Sully

    MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

  • Oh another Will Ferell mopie. I like him. A few bad low productioncost comedychurnouts does not make him a bad man. I’ll watch it. The man has kids to feed. WAIT! Mark Wahlberg? Ehm. Where is that rope that is thick enough to hold my bodyweight? No wait. This toad needs a faster remedy *cocks shotgun* Shit, empty. Ehm. Mark Walberg in a comedy ehm. What do I do? *jump out window* Shit, not high enough. Aah. Ehm. I know! Drowning! Yes. Heureka The toilet. *crams head in toilet* Shit necks too thick. OOOOOMMMAAAAIIIGAAAAAAWD!!!!! KILL ME!!!! KILL MEEEE!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sgpwTBnuLo

  • tOmy`

    Oh. look, he is a badboy. Cue AC-DC.

    FUCK MY LIFE.

  • First Last

    we are legion.

  • Waooohh! Haey theare. Thanks for calling. Wealll teacnically the High Way To Hell song more reflects the wuaaacky rivalryyy between the two main characters and the destructive path they undertake. They waind up ruening aeverything. Is’nt it fun? Hahahahahahaa. You waould nawt want to miss this movie. Be sure to go see this at you local theater. Wait what? What am I saying, and with what accent… aw yes. I tried to kill myself by hitting myself in the head with a crowbar. Gaaawd. Still alive. This is worse than the Gods and Kings disaster, I could not kill myself then either. Oh gawd. This is bad. Ow gawd!

  • tOmy`

    I chuckled 3 times during that trailer. There is something about retarded physical comedy that makes my cheerleader senses tingle. Or was it tinkle?

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    sign o’ the times

  • Sully

    Silly gungan, you can’t drown. smdh

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    #the funky bunch

  • I don’t know. It’s cheap and Will Ferrell is funny. I guess he knows his cheerleader audience. I thought that the cheerleader senses where all designed to find that special someone named ‘wrong guy for you’ in highschool and living in a trailerpark for the remaining years.

  • First Last

    i cant wait for the ArmagedoGIFpocalypseRLMaggedon.

  • Sully

    The “Wait! Do over!” line that signs off that trailer says it all.

  • tOmy`

    Stop dissing trailerparks, they have adequate creationism elementary schools around and easy access to meth.

    Speaking of dumb comedies with Ferrell, I still enjoy Roxbury and Step Brothers.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    ”what, no”. ”what, no”. what, no. no really, hell no.

  • Its called piss. Gungin piss is toxic. Disney’s making spinoff Gungin piss movies. Piss Solo, Boba Piss and Death Piss starring in Star Piss: Phantom Piss.

  • Sully

    Next thing you’ll tell me is that Clone Piss is a thing. What about Pisses Leia?

  • Allright congressman. We all know hats coming. Yeeeahaaa!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sG3YXUBoroM

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Will was doin ok, i was with it, almost chuckled, then the funky bunch turned up and it was like record scratch sound effect… lame

  • First Last

    i like hats… wait thats not hats!!!

  • tOmy`

    Alchemy? ALCHEMY? FUCKING ALCHEMY?

    WHAT?

  • First Last

    Thats Racist.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    hair hats, as in nice cage’s hair hat

  • Luke Pisswalkers sister yes. She has a minor role as a slave aboard a pissbarge.

    Clone Piss is the bad one in the middle, the fift movie. Id go see the darker themed one – Piss Wars: Cross the stream. It is the final one in the decaology.

  • First Last

    you spelt Herr Hats wrong.

  • First Last

    wait this is normal? how much is to far?

  • Sully

    I can see you’ve put a lot of thought into this. Now all I have to do is figure out why.

  • You can’t make gold out of nothing with that science mombojumbo!

    #getreal

  • First Last

    That just proves he is alien as all earth Amphibians can drown.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Rated R for Restricted audiences, that is restricted to the 2 or 3 people that turned up

  • Fixed it. My fat Gungin fingers are messing up protocol.

  • tOmy`

    Alcohol.

  • Sully

    So wait, lemme get this straight…

    Cameron Poe is a congressman now?

  • First Last

    YOU OWE ME HATS! TOAD!

  • tOmy`

    Everything is possible in the universe where Donald Trump is the only logical candidate to surpass Kevin James.

  • Plus hes not really yelling or doing wierd stuff like he normally does. Seems kindof bland. A heart warming movie for all those….baaah. I just want to see Nicolas ham it up. He has such a wide range of hamming it up so I still expect some to leak out.

    #Trump2016

  • tOmy`

    Environmental terrorism ain’t such a hot topic anymore, when even EPA goes suicide bombers on our nature.

  • First Last

    America is over. all hail Xi Jinping.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    ”somebody’s doin the raping”, it was the Nic Cage sex scene in this movie. ya gotta feel sorry for that actress.

  • First Last

    neither you or Jaws are american.

  • tOmy`

    Well, Nic is not exactly Mexican enough to do the raping. But he may be a loser enough to do so.

    #Trump2016

  • tOmy`

    How do you know that? Did you read the script?!

  • It also seems to be a movie aimed at the workingclass in america. You know poor people with no healthcare and goverment is too far away to take notice. That part could work as a topic.

  • First Last

    I’m a timelord.

  • tOmy`
  • Yourhat…? It’s on my head! HAHA. Got you that time.

  • Sully

    I guess it all depends on the amount of oxygen in the water in his toilet.

  • First Last

    You win this time boss… this time.

  • It was easy. I was sitting at the Pissranch thinkin’ and thinkin’ and it all made sense. Its gonna be great! Plus, TEN MOVIES! Can you believe it. With government backing Hahahahaha! Too big to fail! Hahahhaahahaa!

    #Trump2016

  • Now I Get It

    Cryptic Croptic Coptic Copdick

  • Jaws Does Dallas
  • First Last

    only if it is supersaturated enough to not require Respiration. is this a ‘The Abyss’ scenario?

  • Nah, lets be friends. Commentboard buddies… WAIT! Starring Mark Wahlberg! OMG! A buddy sitting on the internet cop action movie… WOW!

    #Trump2016

  • instant relief

    Moment Mal, aren’t you forgetting a certain super power, Herr Uhm.. First?

  • Now I Get It

    He’s gone the way of Dan Aykroyd. His episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” was hard to watch. Even Seinfeld didn’t know what to say to him. Unless that was Seinfeld’s plan to make people think he is.

  • instant relief

    Oh no, did you use up all the cocaine in Otoh Gunga again?

  • instant relief

    How can a gungan not be into water sports?

  • Hey, at least the Countach looks great.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Will Ferrell’s humor is about as subtle as Mike’s Star Trek references.

  • First Last

    Gunga is weed you NARC!

  • instant relief

    I didn’t make up these stupid names. Mexican filmmaker Jorge Inarritu Gonzalez Lucas did.

    Also, urbandictionary says you’re wrong:
    “gunga

    (derived from smegma)

    The combinatory detritus of underwear lint, sweat and toilet paper
    which can be found lodged in the upper butt crack; butt cheese.”

  • Jason Ross

    gritty. hope the local population considers them the baddies and they all speak in gravelly voices

  • First Last

    Sorry deutchlander. another phonetic pun. GungaGunja. my bad.

  • instant relief

    Oh. I didn’t read the second g as j.

  • Sully

    I hope so. I HOPE SO!!! Man, can we get a Channing Tatum (Tatum Channing?) remake of THAT movie?!

  • Oh look, another Steve Jobs movie… Because we needed another one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufMgQNCXy_M

    Oh, and remember “Olympus Has Fallen”? Now they’re making another one set in London this time.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUF7x-L8gE4

  • First Last

    how would you know? writen english never tells you if your right. but english speakers always tell you if your wrong.

  • instant relief
  • No.

  • Domo

    It kinda looks like a metal jock strap covering his face.

    It’s laughable, but it’s fine.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    For one thing, there’s no mouth hole. That’s kinda important for… things.

  • Sully

    Government backing? Is Trump gonna force Mexico to pay for it?

  • First Last

    Not as much as that FUCKING RETARDED SWORD!!!!!!

  • Sully

    It isn’t terrible. I can see what they were going for (a Darth Vader that isn’t obviously Darth Vader kinda thing).
    From what I gather from the trailers, he’s supposed to be Sith obsessed, so it makes sense that he’d model his own look after the most badass Sith in the Galaxy.

    http://www.starwarspost.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/b0TQAvn.jpg

  • First Last

    Thats so sad. who would be so obsessed that they make a costume and a lightsaber…. oh yeah FANS!
    its good to show contempt for your audience.

  • So… Star Wars just got really meta.

  • Hacks and Frauds, I give you DC Comics Legends of Tomorrow. It’s just terrible. Why haven’t I seen this earlier? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26B53jxIixE

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Darth Vader meet Kylo Ren.
    ”Kylo? you got to be shitting me, what sort of pansy ass name is Kylo? and What the fuck are you wearing boy? are you trying to be Shredder? thats it isnt it. Really? Kylo? I’m never gonna get used to that, Kylo, nope, sorry, cant stop laughing, give me a minute… for gods sake take that mask off son, youre creeping me out”

  • First Last

    George Lucas raped my past. you just raped my future.

  • Sully

    That’s the plot of the movie, didn’t’cha know?

    A Star Wars super fan builds a starship and flies to a galaxy far far away where he systematically targets and eliminates anything related to the prequels.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    I’m more concerned about the story. I want to believe it won’t be horribly generic and uninspired. Is that asking too much for a commercial, big budget movie?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    His name? Lucas. George Lucas. *Cue music*

  • First Last

    I NEED THAT TO BE TRUE!!!!

  • First Last

    “If you cant see the devil then you know that your still alive.”

  • Sully

    If the trailer isn’t available in your area. Try this one…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MubNoWQiSc

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    Darth Vader vs Kylo Ren.
    Now children, the question for today is. Which name sounds more threatening Darth Vader or… Kylo (lol)?
    ding ding ding, That’s right kids, not fucking Kylo.
    And now for the bonus round. What name would you NEVER give your bad guy in a Star Wars movie.
    All together now, ”Not fucking Kylo.”
    That’s right, give yourselves a gold fucking star.

  • First Last

    So in all the Crazy CensorshipDMCA stuff. you might not have noticed… They took down Auralnauts “Laser Moon Awakens.”

  • First Last

    your forgetting the new droid. bb-8 (Baby bait)

  • Fuck Disney. :/

  • First Last

    Rouge 1: “my bet is we are all gonna die.”
    Biggs: “Not if we blast it in the ass!!!!”

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    be afraid, be very afraid

  • Palpatine

    Yes you are, I think it looks pretty cool.

  • First Last

    Dont worry Disney will soon DCMA our brains. because memory is clearly a copyright infringement.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    even Darth Maul EVEN DARTH MAUL had some SOME originality

  • First Last

    i said it before and i’ll say it again.

    Disney will soon DCMA our brains. because memory is clearly a copyright infringement.

  • Palpatine

    Sorry for being excited for this movie.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Who gives a shit as long as it sells a bazillion toys?

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    lol

  • Palpatine

    I am not allowed to be excited for it?

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    im not gonna fake excitement for something that will RIP OFF star wars in every single way so it doesnt bother me now so thats a relief its gonna suck asssssssssssss

  • Palpatine

    Your comment made me cringe.

  • instant relief

    Don’t forget Gollum as Supreme Leader Snookie.

  • Jaws Does Dallas

    kylo makes me cringe so that makes us even :p

  • Palpatine

    “This video is not available in your country.” Oh, thank God.

  • tOmy`

    Great, my ads for this site now include “Pixels” tickets and Stoklasa jewelry in Brno (it wasn’t pub, unfortunately). But they do sell beads, if you know what I anal.

  • Palpatine

    Stoklasa Jewelry?

  • tOmy`

    Yea, I talked about it over at the site we do not refer to, because of you.

    This Friday, I was strolling around the city center and noticed a brand new shop called “Stoklasa”. I thought it’s a pub. I have a photo, just waiting for friend to upload it.

  • Joe Syxpac
  • Palpatine

    Is Stoklasa of Czech origin?

  • Palpatine

    R.I.P. Jaws. Again.

  • tOmy`

    No clue, but it sells “shiny ethnic style”.

    Here is the page in English: http://www.stoklasa-eu.com/

    It apparently operates throughout the whole world, including SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.

  • tOmy`

    He is the only comenter to constantly jump the dolphin.

  • tOmy`

    Ask Sully. Seems like a lipstick right down his back alley.

  • tOmy`

    It’s a bit game-y.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Musta been that comment about the 1989 Batman movie.

  • Buk Pravon

    I recently get a lot ads for the Fantastic Four movie here. But Stoklasa jewelry isn’t alien to me too. 🙂 Comes up several times a day. The other two ads right now are for displays and smartphones, btw.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I like Danny Boyle. He takes risks and usually succeeds so I’m willing to give Steve [blow]Jobs movie a chance.

  • Palpatine

    I can’t believe someone would hate that movie.

  • tOmy`

    Good news for Radiohead fans: “Thom Yorke to score new Broadway play.”

    Wait, that’s not a new album. Where is my fucking new album, you frauds?!

  • Joe Syxpac

    Ant Man/Iron Man from what I can tell.

  • Palpatine

    Creep: The Musical.

  • tOmy`

    I thought the same about Friends. And recently I am constantly meeting some cynical fucks.

    #NoOffenceToCynicalFucks

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Anchorman is a classic and you know it.

  • tOmy`

    I love the way you keep hammering that one song you know.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    what an in depth review my good sir.

  • Joe Syxpac

    The show Friends?

    Yeah, that was awful. Not as bad as the one with the nerds, but pretty bad.

  • Palpatine

    Welcome to RLM.

  • tOmy`

    As my favorite comic put it (regarding hating Enya): “Hate? That’s like hating a fucking waterfall.”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    LP9 is currently slated for 2019.

  • Joe Syxpac

    What the hell is an Enya?

  • Palpatine

    Didn’t you say they hate that song?

  • Palpatine

    That’s the sound she makes when she sings.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    In one of the PreRec streams. He said he hated himself for thinking like that but for Jay it ultimately was a “so bad it’s good” movie. And you know what? I’d agree. Tusk is probably the best thing Kevin Smith has done since Clerks.

  • tOmy`

    “It’s just silence colored in.”

  • tOmy`

    Please, tell me you are shitting me.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Now I know you’re just making stuff up.

  • tOmy`

    It’s not special. It just wishes it was special.

    Ba-dum-whaaaam

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I am but they are sure taking their sweet time don’t they?

  • tOmy`

    Well, it is scheduled for this year; at least that was the last info. No title, no info, except “it’s gonna sound different”, “there is a new method”, the usual. And yea, Idenkit should make an appearance.

    But yea, this being Radiohead, they could both release it in 2019 or this week.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Not just Idenkit. Give me studio versions of ‘cut a hole’, ‘skirting on the surface’ , ‘ lift ‘ , ‘ full stop ‘ . In restropect I would be totally fine with RH doing a “fanservice” album-just give me all your unreleased material guys. Inject it into my veins.

  • tOmy`

    The moment these frauds finally release “True Love Waits”, the universe will most likely implode.

  • bleurgh

    The defining character trait for every single hardcore radiohead fan that I’ve ever met has been a totally misplaced and unwavering belief in their superior intelligence in comparison to other people. Don’t get me wrong I like a handful of their songs, but radiohead has to have without a doubt the worst fan-base of any band. They’re even worse than tool fans in their self-serious douchebaggery.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you probably just haven’t met the really bad Tool fans. RH fans have nothing on them from the experience I had with some of them. Anyway a fanbase shoudn’t diminish anyone’s work really. Every fanbase has some bad apples-even this one!

  • tOmy`

    Well, that’s just like… your opinion, puny human worm.

  • Brack to the Future

    Saw Chewbacca on the street in front of Enstrom’s Toffee
    His fur was perfect

  • dollar store cashier wife

    IT’S CLOBERRING TIME!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Live-action superheroes on a tv budget. Ugh.

  • Brack to the Future

    Does that mean he’s about to score a play, like one would score some smack, or will he pen the score to some lukewarm bilgewater pap-smear? Can’t get the stink out.

  • tOmy`

    I know a handful of people who love Radiohead and could be considered a hardcore fans and most of them are far from condescending assholes.

    The problem is that when you listen to a band that is constantly being recognized as “the shit” while having exactly zero songs for past decade in a radio, both fans and haters start to go douchebag about it.

  • instant relief

    Huh, so I died the first time I commented here?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I bet Mike gets what he wished, and in this one someone will go “London’s bridge is falling down… no, for real!”

  • Ogrot

    We don’t have Brett Favre money, but we do have Geno Smith money. Unfortunately there will be no speaking roles for him.

  • tOmy`

    Also, have you ever met Muse fans?

    “Deeeewd, their last album is called Drones, it’s like a metaphor… to drones.”

  • Well, at least it has a good lead this time, amirite?

  • Hey, Apple copyrighted slavery. And they use it in China. BOOM.

  • tOmy`

    “iSlaves – creating technology that turns you into a slave as well!

    Now with the Ultimate iRony OS!”

  • Was it covered in toffee?

  • tOmy`

    #Blassted

  • Like drones… as in their mindless fans? Now, that’s a great way to show contempt for your audience.

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh really? I’m sure you seem to know *everything* about Rahiohead “fans.”

  • bleurgh

    Yeah, they’re also insufferable, but I feel like Muse have an intentionally absurd glam-rock quality to their music, which prevents them from being taken too seriously by most people.

    By comparison, because Radiohead are so earnest, or perhaps more accurately, because their humour is so dry and inscrutable their fanbase ends up being filled with humourless assholes hell-bent on convincing people how ‘important’ and ‘deep’ their music is.

    I don’t even think Thom Yorke takes Radioheads music as seriously as the sad nerds that obsess over them do.

  • Brack to the Future

    I had this girldfiend back in Boulder who was really bitter about the bad grammar of “I wish I was special.” For once, this grammar asshole was actually trumped by a Radiohead hayter. I found that astonishing, and still do to this day.

    So I “forgot” to pick her up at DIA on her return trip.

  • tOmy`

    I am just saying it could be the case, that’s all. If I were to come to you and say that Radiohead are better than any other current rock band you listen to, because they are a step ahead and generally recognized as the current top, you would feel a bit insulted and I would feel like bit of a douchebag.

  • tOmy`

    Those assholes even fucked up RGB! Because they sing “Red, blue, green!”

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh, I wasn’t condescending enough for you? Mmm?

    Mmmm??

  • tOmy`

    If someone asks, I am happy to explain why do I think it is the case. If they don’t, I don’t force this shit on them, because quite frankly, I get people not getting it / hating it.

    And don’t be mistaken, my dear hater, Muse fans take their shit VERY seriously. I think it could be a case of a bit younger fanbase finally meeting someone in mainstream who obviously (obvious being the key word here) talks about environment, war and capitalism.

  • Brack to the Future

    Speaking of reboots and throwbacks, you know what the world needs now? A new Magnum P.I. with a special soundtrack by Cracker. Kind of like how Glenn Frey really humiliated himself on Miami Vice. That sort of shit will really take the starch outta nonsense world politics.

  • tOmy`

    Hey now, I am a reasonable man, get off my case!

  • tOmy`

    We should start RadioheadNews and strike down all the inferior mainstream-zombies on their Disgust channels.

    #YouAndWhoseArmyJokesExpected

  • tOmy`

    Magnum P.Inherent Miami Vice.

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh God as if Tom Selleck’s shorts weren’t already high enough to glimpse nothing but fur ‘n’ early mornin’ dew . . .

  • dollar store cashier wife

    CALL TO ARMS

  • Brack to the Future

    No Almond Roca, Jack
    A-hoooo, wookiees of Junction

  • Mark Bisone

    “I’m from East London. Oh, and the future.”

    Somebody wrote that line.

  • instant relief

    Or maybe they didn’t use a script at all.

  • instant relief

    I will rape your present.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Yes, most likely.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    “This is no time for nursery rhymes!”

  • Uncle Sporkums

    He also has to be “In The Tradition of Darth Vader” because.. reference.
    #ItsLikePoetry
    #ItsGonnaBeGreat

  • bretweir

    How about a commentary track for the 1994 version?

  • Brack to the Future

    I had an uncle who did that. My Lifesavers book of Flavors was all sticky one Christmas, and slightly butterier than before.

  • Brack to the Future

    I’ve seen no fitting tribute but it’d be great for RLM to do a RIP on RRP on account of one of the greatest movies of all time, They Live, LLP.

    It would be even better if they could do a soundtrack overmasking to cover up Carpenter’s horrible wife tickling the Casio.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    What are you talking about? Ashton Kutcher gives a masterclass performance every time!

  • instant relief

    I’d buy that for a euro!

  • instant relief

    Enya caused 7/11.

  • Niccageshair

    First Hateful Eight Trailer:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnRbXn4-Yis

    Can’t go wrong with Tarantino

  • Brack to the Future

    Never forget. #whitehenpantry

  • spo8

    I’ve heard that you’re behind it all. Is this true? (y/n)

  • Brack to the Future

    The first movie in which my hip fur bowler makes its debut. #coloradodouche

  • Palpatine

    Tru dat.

  • Niccageshair

    That time jump is another one why not just open with the shootout? It reset the whole season anyway. Sure you miss out on drunky mccop(That was his name right?) but they never did much with him alive anyway. It’s amazing that they essentially had 3 character building episodes yet no one had any character. But not everything can be Mad Max:Fury Road building character throughout the story without needless “let’s sit down and talk about who we are” scenes.

    And for as bland as the main characters were(well mainly Mcaddams and Kitsch’s, I could watch Farrell yell at fat kids all day), it was kind of refreshing that almost every side character was some unhinged cartoon character. Now if only there was some humor to go with that silliness but as we all know humor is unacceptable.

  • Buk Pravon

    It haves enough Micheal Madsen. But it lacks Mads Mikkelson.

    Like most of things.

  • Palpatine

    Despite the fact that Tarantino’s a huge asshole who always uses the same actors in all his movies, you can’t help but to love the guy.

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh no, as a professional extra I’m totally screwed! I called him “Mister Nolte,” not “Mister Jackson.” How could I be so stupid?!

  • Brack to the Future

    He’s not nice to his extras. While I was staying in Telluride I had to oil my own beaver, if you know what I mean.

  • Niccageshair

    He loves movies and it shows. This one looks like it may be one of his smallest movies but in a good way.

  • Palpatine

    Which film were you an extra in?

  • Brack to the Future

    Lots, actually. As long as they’re in Colorado. I’m even handsome enough to get away with calling Quentin’s assistant “Millie.”

  • Palpatine

    Have you met him? Tarantino I mean.

  • Brack to the Future

    You don’t. That’s why I call her Millie.

  • Palpatine

    Was he being like Lucas and sitting in a comfy chair in front of huge TV monitors?

  • Percy Gryce

    Sir Leonard is brilliant. Now I’ll have to buy his godawful DVD:

    https://twitter.com/killerwolffilms/status/630803330445504512

  • Niccageshair

    He is against that. It’s like the one thing he always says be behind the camera not in video village

  • Earth

    But I saw him in Gorilla Interrupted…

    oh fuck

  • Brack to the Future

    “There’s this town, see, it’s called Molina. What if we make it like a human mill? Where people in this western town are being milled into all kinds of animal feed?”

    This is what he’s like. That jerk in college who never studied, got loaded and made up shit all the time yet ended up with a 3.45.

    I love him so.

  • Earth
  • Palpatine

    Oh my God, that is so cool! RLM should do commentaries on all his films.

  • Earth

    Still going with that lightsabre design huh?

  • Earth

    It needs to be explained to Hollywood that if the Houses of Parliament in London got blown up we’d probably throw a party.

  • Niccageshair

    They will probably use Tower Bridge which is what everyone thinks of when they think of the London Bridge, the real London Bridge is considerably less impressive.

  • Earth

    Pretty useful train station though.

  • Earth

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2c/London_Bridge_Illuminated.jpg

    “LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DO…

    …what do you mean London Bridge isn’t the one with the towers?”

  • Percy Gryce

    the real London Bridge is considerable less impressive

    It’s also in Lake Havasu City, Arizona:

    http://www.golakehavasu.com/about-us/london_bridge1.aspx

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “So Mike would you say APOCALYPSE FEMALE WARRIORS is the perhaps both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to cinema?
    That’s right Jay!”

  • Niccageshair

    How did it get there? I bet Ireland had something to do with this.

  • Niccageshair

    “Ok fine A London bridge is falling down not THE London bridge”

  • Brack to the Future

    I heard Leonard Nimoy’s ash probe is arriving at a cluster of fat constellations right now. Fitting because he photographed really fat naked ladies. That was his thing. Like, so fat they didn’t need a thong.

    Live long and prosper, Lenny.

  • Earth

    “Tower Bridge” ain’t got the same ring to it.

  • Brack to the Future

    I gets confused between Madsen and Sizemore.

    Never Mikkelsen. He always looks like he hates America. That’s the kind of face you remember.

  • Niccageshair

    “Might as well just put it in Paris now, it’s just not the same.”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Aww, man… Do I have to?

  • Niccageshair

    F&F 8 should just be the Rock breaking casts with his fuckin biceps for 2 1/2 hours!!

  • Buk Pravon

    He looks like he hates everything! 😀 Thats what makes him so beautifully charming. <3

  • Brack to the Future

    What about The Hunt? Valhalla? The only redemption to that horrible pineapple-munching Cockney from Eva Green?

    Superstar.

    Thanks to this site I’ll watch Casino Royale and just pretend Vesper Lynde (West Berlin) is the retarded side of the wall.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I found out about that recently. Tapey drives by one almost everyday.

  • Mark Bisone

    You mean it’s finally headed for Shatner’s house?

  • Percy Gryce

    Yes. Yes, you do.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    A most Violent Year was greap.

  • SEE IT IN GLORIOUS 70MM PANAVISION.
    http://i.imgur.com/wgV5uFV.gif

  • Niccageshair

    They apparently are rolling it out nationwide as a roadshow feature with overture, intermission and the works. I hope it comes to my town like that.

  • Does it mean we’ll have to mount a search for Spock?

  • Mark Bisone

    What a masterful title. No dashes, no colons, no “of the”, no nuttin’. Is it an apocalypse caused by female warriors? Or has some apocalyptic event wiped out all females, and all the blue-balled men left behind are going to war? Someone type “yes” to complete this joke.

  • Brack to the Future

    I don’t have a witty rejoinder, I’m just thinking about fat shatnerians. Oh man will my florg be sore.

  • Mark Bisone

    I know what you mean. I’d probe that ash, long and hard

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Both.

  • Percy Gryce

    Aw, WWYF, you whiffed.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yes.

  • Percy Gryce
  • Niccageshair

    55 steaks in a single bag? When he wasn’t stealing beef he truly must have been full of shit.

  • Brack to the Future

    When I was in college three female humans lured me to their dorm for a movie night they called “exploring the various caves without pissing anybody off.” Eventually we had to kick a klingon off the cliff.

    Or am I thinking of med school?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    *Yes.This.

  • Seriously?

  • I have been wanting them to do this with more properties. Watching “Daredevil” on Netflix I just kept thinking that it would be a lot better were it set in the 1970’s when Gentrification was just coming to Hell’s Kitchen, and Luke Cage and Iron Fist were both inspired by 70’s exploitation movies, so setting them in that era makes sense.

    I think the FF would do really well in the 80’s with allusions to Reagan Star Wars programs, Doctor doom being an Eastern European dictator resisting the Soviet Union (and later becoming like the dictatorship of Belarus). Have the Skrulls be the bad guy as the evil aliens trying to cause the Cold War to explode. You could have Reed be a founder of Windows, that he invents modern cellphone battery technology decades ahead of time using military satellites and that is how he gets wealthy. It would be different.

  • Buk Pravon

    I didn’t mind it. 🙂

    I haven’t seen The Hunt till now. But I liked Valhalla… like everything else of Winding-Refns work. 😀

    But Mads is also great in The Green Butchers and Adam’s Apples.

  • Buk Pravon

    Did you guys see what happend in china a few hours ago?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1aHADL2a24

    Holy shit. 🙁

  • Palpatine

    More like hory shit!

  • dejectedchuckle

    Get out.

  • Rick Sanchez

    Jesus. I didn’t know anyone could hate Fantastic Four that much, I mean the science was rubbish, I do that shit every day…..

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Honest. I mean, I know the comic is the first appearance of Hank Henshaw, but there was a total disconnect in my brain, I guess I didn’t want to confuse non-fans with “in that story, the Reed Richards ersatz later becomes the Cyborg Superman.”

  • Jegsimmons

    Did Mike just say he wanted to see a fucking LOBO movie!?

    FUCK YEAH!!!!

    Adam Baldwin as cigar smoking, heavy metal blaring, gun toting LOBO!!!!

  • Rick Sanchez

    In my reboot of it, Reed Richards loves to get high, like really high, he becomes a south American drug-lord king, he’s really smart, but conflicted, Sue Storm is a hooker trying to make ends meet, trying to get Johnny an education so he can join the airforce and bomb peace into the middle east. Ben Grimm is a mastermind and works in a factory because he worked out that trying wasn’t worth it and is very lazy.

    DR doom is a doctor but only treats the rich and powerful.

    By the end of the film they become the fantastic four.

  • Red Skeleton

    Ahem, so I have this “friend” who OCCASIONALLY visits a major online streamer of pornographic videos. And this friend recently clicked on a video to load it, causing it to simultaneously load a pop up ad for an online casino in a separate window. What music was this online ad playing you ask?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeByDk1a0R4

    Urrrgh, it did…. strange things to my libido. An confused the hell out of me for a moment.

  • Red Skeleton

    … My friend, I mean.

  • Palpatine

    Where you watching the porn with your “friend” when it happened?

  • Red Skeleton

    …………………………………………………………………… Um…. yes?

  • Palpatine

    Ah, I see. Weird coincidence that the HitB music would play though.

  • Red Skeleton

    It opened with a woman laid on a bed, before the hero of the scene comes in. I half expected him to shout “Weeeeee’re BACK!”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Hello, I’m Mike

    And I’m Jay.

    And welcom