Half in the Bag: Ender’s Game and Thor: The Dark World

November 14, 2013532 Comments

Mike and Jay discuss a recent sci-fi flop and a sci-fi hit. First up is Ender’s Game, based on the novel by Orson Scott Card and then the Marvel sequel Thor: The Dark World, in which Mike and Jay constantly refer to magical elves as aliens because who cares?

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Filed in: General UpdatesHalf in the Bag

  • Matias Rivero

    yes! a new HITB

    • Christopher Kulik

      I’m waiting patiently for the SPACE COP; I bet Mike is learning from Cameron and will be making it a Christmas release.

  • Kidakor

    Huh, made it to second comment. That’s a first.

    Oh well, after I actually watched this there will be like 50 or so. :3

    • Kidakor

      Ok, 34.

  • Pascal Nussbaum

    It’s so good to finally see you guys back with a new HITB. Really enjoyed it!!!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    When’s the next Animated Plinkett you fucking fraudulent hack Homo [sapiens] sacks of shaven Jay beard!!!!1!!?

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      PS – I Love You. Starring me a someone who adores RLM.

  • http://www.therobotspajamas.com/ RobotsPJs

    Hmmm the movie obviously failed if they didn’t get why Ender was the one in charge.

  • Christopher Kulik

    Adaptation-wise, ENDER’S GAME sounds about as forgettable as JOHN CARTER…too little, too late. Seeing THOR 2 TOO-NIGHT….***Mike looks down and shakes head with embarrassment***

  • Edyed

    The well is dry because of the lack of Game Station 2.0, but at least
    every new Half in the Bag is like a rock of critical glory thrown by
    Jesus, or his cousin Space Jesus, and that rock is the only thing what
    deepens the mystery of that dry well with fantastic excellency, soon
    lifting the income up towards the much more bigger heavens meant to be
    seen only by the question mark behind Venus, where the most notorious
    film critics and couple other hack-frauds see things much more
    differently.

  • Brad Smoley

    Neat visuals = Stellan Skarsgård in his underwear.

    • http://faddlechud.tumblr.com/ Faddlechud

      Yeah, I caught that too… Jay, honey, we’ll be here for you if there’s something you need to tell us. It gets better.

  • Matias Rivero

    more like HAIRrison Ford…

    …sorry for that.

    • Paul Woodcock

      I would have down voted that pun, but honestly I’m only disappointed you got to it first.

  • Gregory Thomas Lorenz

    Who didn’t notice that Rich Evans makes his entrances/exits from the bathroom? You can see the toilet paper roll behind Jay for most of the review.

    • TapewormBike

      That is because he is the shit.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        *Groans.*

  • khzmo

    A new episode of hangover!? Oh, this HITB can kiss my ass.

  • Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    Hey, new HITB!

    Anyways, i liked Thor 2. It was fun, and more Loki please.

  • W.C. Wit

    I feel like the Marvel Movies are the modern cinematic equivalent of the Universal Monster Movies or the Toho Kaiju movies.

    • Percy Gryce

      And that’s a good thing.

  • Ioannes Patricius McHugh

    Great reviews! I Always look forward to anything new from RLM.
    Jay mentioned that ‘Starship Troopers’ couldn’t have influenced ‘Ender’s Game’ because the novel came out about a decade before ‘Starship Troopers’ the film. ‘Starship Troopers’ was originally a novel, written by sci-fi deity Robert A. Heinlein decades before Card’s book. It was published in 1959 and won a Hugo Award for best sci-fi novel in 1960. I don’t recall Orson Scott Card saying that the book was an influence on him, but I would be very surprised if it wasn’t. I would recommend both ‘Troopers’ and ‘Ender’s Game’ as books, but I’d say read ‘Troopers’ first before you reader ‘Ender’s Game.’ It’s one of the irrefutable masterpieces of the genre.

    • Cameron Vale

      Don’t expect Troopers to be like Verhoeven’s version though.

    • Kidakor

      Yeah, I would say Card paid homage to Heinlein’s earlier work considering the plot parallels of insectoid enemies, the coming-of-age framework, etc. as well as the praise of the values of military dictatorship and all the other right-wing extremist/I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-fascism tropes.

      http://flag.blackened.net/liberty/moorcock.html

  • Luthuglifer

    With the exception of Gravity and your quick summer catchup, it seems like you’re only reviewing movies we all probably already expect to be bad. Why not use the attention you have to promote some movies worth considering? I understand there’s not A LOT out there, but I’m starting to get really tired of hearing that movies that I already thought would be bad ARE ACTUALLY BAD. You didn’t review Don Jon or Prisoners, and I was definitely way more interested in hearing about those films over Carrie and Thor. :(

    • TapewormBike

      That is simply because Mike is taller and stronger than Jay.

      • Cameron Vale

        But why does Mike, the tallest RLM cast member, not simply eat the others?

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          Mike already ate Pat, Jeff, and Sandra, the lesser known RLM peeps from earlier on.

        • Manioc

          He’s slow and groggy, like a bear about to enter hibernation. Jay is growing a protective layer of bristles in preparation for the Spring.

        • TapewormBike

          I think he often attempts to slow roast all the other people with his sarcastic gaze.

  • marneteen

    Reading “Ender’s Game” is a MUST! And I’m not too surprised. Book-to-movie adaptations generally suck balls.

    • TapewormBike

      I liked the book way way back, but Scott Card is a piece of shit, so, now I don’t want to give him any attention, let alone money.

      • marneteen

        Sure, Card can be a pretentious, self-righteous puritan with a penchant for surrealistic idealism. But isn’t that kind of a defining quality of the sci-fi genre? That, along with bizarre sexual fetishes and soap-box rants. I think that’s why sci-fi appeals mainly to the young male demographic. Anyway, my point is, are you opposed to Card as an Author, or is it really the whole genre that irks you?

        • Cameron Vale

          I think that sci-fi appeals mainly to young people in general. I doubt that males are significantly greater consumers of Isaac Asimov, or Babylon 5.

        • volbla

          I think he’s opposed to Card as a person, and don’t want to give attention or money to a horrible person. No one likes horrible people.

        • TapewormBike

          Look into my big green stuffed eyes, you will see a deep love for sci-fi. I can respect out there opinions and crazy idealism, but standing on a soap box and shouting albeit more eloquent version of “Fuck homos (and not in a good way)!” is not allright with me.

    • Cameron Vale

      Can you imagine if they made an Ender’s Game movie before Hollywood figured out how to make movies without making any actual creative decisions? That would have been great. It might have actually been loved or hated by someone, or relevant to something.

      • marneteen

        There in lies the built in absurdity of the book-to-movie trend, in my opinion. To be truly in control of creative decisions, the creator should deal with material that is expressible in the artists’ medium. For example, an authors medium is meant for slow, contemplative development. It invites the reader to add his or her own experiences to the unfolding of the creation of the story, i.e. using the readers imagination. That’s what makes a book so good.
        Movies, on the other hand, are fast, fluid and extremely exclusive in terms of the audiences ability to participate in the telling of the story. And this, if done correctly, can make a movie experience magical.
        The catch is this: the two mediums are comically paradoxical. So why even try to give creative credit to something that is just the blatant money-making-marketing of blockbuster productions?

        • Cameron Vale

          To that I reply, Lord Of The Rings.

          • marneteen

            And to that all I can say is that, though the production qualities of the LotR movies are quite stunning, the soul of the story itself is lost in translation.
            I love the books. They are supposed to be long, at times tedious and even boring. But more importantly, Tolkien took great pains to make it a world that could immerse the reader.
            The movies, on the other hand, are fast paced, hyper emotional and spacially confusing. I had a hard time figuring out who was where and how they got there.
            Don’t get me wrong, the movies are great fantasy epic thrillers, but I don’t think it did justice to the original source, and nor could it have, given the severity of the contrasting mediums.(see previous note)
            I know, for that I’ve made many enemies. Oh, well.

          • Cameron Vale

            The LotR movies are about perfect adaptations really, they’re greatly modified to play to the strengths of the new medium, but they also infectiously love the source, so they benefit from the talents of both Tolkien and Jackson. The books aren’t really filmable, that’s for sure, but I’m in awe of how close Jackson got.

    • Percy Gryce

      Yeah, like The Maltese Falcon, Gone With the Wind, The Godfather, Jaws, or The Lord of the Rings.

      • marneteen

        Generally. And I suppose I should also amend the statement to the recently made adaptations, too. LotR does not get a pass in this generalization, in my book, I’m afraid.

        • Percy Gryce

          I don’t mean to bust balls, but I don’t know how you can support that generalization. I mean, just go down the list of Best Picture Academy Awards: All Quiet on the Western Front, All the King’s Men, From Here to Eternity, On the Waterfront, Around the World in 80 Days, Ben-Hur, Tom Jones, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Terms of Endearment, Out of Africa, Driving Miss Daisy, The Silence of the Lambs, Schindler’s List, Forest Gump, The English Patient, etc., etc. And what about nominees that didn’t win: A Clockwork Orange, Deliverance, Doctor Zhivago, For Whom the Bell Tolls, etc., etc., all successful films adapted from books. If you include stage plays, I would guess that well over 50% of critically acclaimed (Academy Award and AFI listed) films were made from books. I bet it’s only a minority that come from original screenplays.

          • Now I Get It

            Leaving aside the critically acclaimed… Of the films that I’ve watched repeatedly till I could watch no more – All About Eve, The Chocolate War, The Verdict, The Boys in the Band, and several others – I believe that all were adaptations of original stories. But that experience itself, although much desired, has been rare.

            I wonder, then, just what accounts for an adaptation’s success or failure.

          • Percy Gryce

            NIGI, you’ve got some high-falutin’ tastes in movies there. But even when I think of my favorite genre films–Star Wars, Raiders, Road Warrior, Big Trouble in Little China–I find that they’re all original stories as well.

          • Now I Get It

            Sorry I confused the issue. I should have said that my favourites have all come from novels and plays, as in your first post.

            I can’t even attribute their success to the original author writing the screenplay. In fact, seeing Chocolate War sent me running for the book, which sent me back to the film, which sent me back to book, just round and round. And each time I was convinced that one was better than the other.

            I hadn’t had that experience before, and haven’t since.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            The Chocolate War? YUM!

          • Now I Get It

            Mmmnnyes, “The Chocolate War”. Cruelty has never been nyummier.

            http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LLTU6aJUWps/SNhKaR2wWXI/AAAAAAAAAzk/LPHNXiYdJ1M/s400/the+chocolate+war.jpg

          • marneteen

            All great films, I grant you that. But I would hardly classify any of these movie adaptations as recent. No, my generalization applies almost exclusively to Hollywood’s current fascination with book series over the last 15 years.

          • Percy Gryce

            I get it: you’re talking about the Harry Potters and the Twilights and the Hunger Gameses.

  • cabbo

    Thor’s good fun. Especially the end fight (if you ignore two broke girls girl and her boyfriend). It did everything well that the end of Avengers didn’t.
    Thing about the ‘the collector’ bit – the stones probably relate to Thanos’ (purple Avengers’-after-credits guy) most famous comic line ‘the infinity gauntlet’, which means that the third Avengers film is either going to be a weird, abstract playing out of the entire universe crumbling in absolute turmoil, or a massive disappointment.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      ‘The Collector’ after credits scene just made my friends and I roll our eyes and laugh.

  • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

    I can’t say I was exactly disappointed by Thor 2, because it’s a Thor movie, but the trailer kind of hinted at themes that I really wanted them to explore. Natalie Portman says a line in the trailer that isn’t in the movie (or maybe it was completely out of context? I don’t remember), where she goes “Maybe there was a reason why our worlds were apart” like Earth has consequences to being aware and in contact with Asgard. Which would have elevated it more, I think.

    But meh. It’s true though, Thor and Loki had a great dynamic.

  • Jun X

    where is that poster of thor 2 from?

    • Rick_Berman

      That poster is actually from theaters in china, What were they thinking?

      • Hale

        Exactly what every fangirl shipper was thinking. For better or for worse.

      • Jun X

        clearly, the correct thing. I just saw it. Don’t you remember that scene when Malekith was like, psych, guys! I’m the Doctor, I don’t kill people! And then Malekith, Thor, and Loki proceeded to have a steamy threesome onscreen. The whole room stood up in applause. It was beautiful.

  • Rick_Berman

    Oh, you must be new here.

    • Thanatos2k

      Fuck you, Rick Berman!

  • Percy Gryce

    Ah, new HITB. Should I mainline it or speedball it?

    • Percy Gryce

      Eh, I smoked it.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Wow, so many downvotes. People’s mice must really be screwy today.

        • Percy Gryce

          I feel like the Daniel Tosh of drug humor. Will Fuck-Bot hold a press conference to denounce me?

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            HA! I forgot about that video.

  • Percy Gryce

    The boys need to review director Paul Thomas Anderson’s Resident Evil: There Will Be Magnolia Nights.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I prefer The Master of Punch-Drunk Death Racing: The Love Musketeers .

  • steve

    Shield around the emerald city? Come on guys how did you miss calling it the lightning shield around ming’s palace because THAT IS WHAT IT WAS.

  • Percy Gryce

    Grrrl scientists do tend to ruin movies–or at least clutter them up. I mean turning the “incomparable” Dejah Thoris into science chick was the nail in the coffin of John Carter. While making Uhura an expert in exolinguistics and Carol Marcus a weapons expert seemed like throwaway grrrl-power sops–or maybe preemptive apologies for forcing the actresses to parade around in their skivvies.

    • Manioc

      I thought Uhura was reasonably believable in her role; certainly not any less so than Chris Pine, just because they look like they’ve been ripped from a JC Penny catalog.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      But… but boobs

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        I mean butt*

      • Percy Gryce

        I got no problem with the gratuitous boobs. It’s the gratuitous microscopes and lab coats and nuclear reactors that bother me.

  • Percy Gryce

    Cage match:

  • Percy Gryce

    But Mike has no hipster stud in his left earlobe–and that makes all the difference.

    • Now I Get It

      Mike is a hipster stud. The earring would be redundant.

      • Percy Gryce

        Touché.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    How much did you got payed from marvel to give a possitive review to The Dark Thor or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Natalie Portman’s cooch you hack frauds?

  • TapewormBike

    Woo and hooo as well, looking forward to seeing your opinion on these movies I have zero interest in

  • stryker1121

    SPOILERS, I GUESS

    Is there any actual true book sequel to Ender’s Game to mine a movie from? I read the second book in the series and it had talking groundhogs and no space battles that I can recall. Did not read another OSC book after that.

    • Nicodemus-Rexx

      That was the “direct sequel” unless you count “Ender in Exile” which is more like the epilogue from the first book embellished out to full book length.

      They could do the “Ender’s Shadow” series which covers what Bean did after battle school without losing too much of the tone, though it’s more of a near-future political/war thriller than Ender’s Game was.

  • Hale

    I dunno, I really liked the new Thor movie, especially compared to the first one…which was just….blah. I didn’t think the plot was as incoherent as you make it out to be, though. It was a goofy, dumb sci-fantasy plot, but it seemed pretty straightforward, though the fact that the goo infected Portman, of course, was pretty contrived.

    It was really engaging visually, there was never a lull, though some of the moments with Kat Dennings and the boyfriend got a little annoying. Thor was a way more likable interesting character in this I thought, than in the first one, and they did alot more clever stuff with him and his powers, especially with how the hammer worked.

    The only big problem I personally had was that the villain, Malachite, or Melchoir, or Megryan, whatever the fuck, was kinda bland. He was more just a plot element to get the story moving than an actual character. But even though his personality wasn’t interesting, everything that was caused by him was, so I guess that at least makes him a little better than the lava-business-man from Iron Man 3, who was also kinda uninteresting. And dayum, that final fight scene was so much better than most final action confrontations I’ve seen recently.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      A big problem for me with most of these MCU films is the villains are typically weak. What happened to villains that challenge the very ideals that the heroes hold true? There seems to be no battle of wits and the villains are simply just another ‘villain of the week’, forgettable and bland and only there to give the hero someone to fight.

      • Hale

        True dat. I think that kinda comes from the fact that most Marvel characters originally were supposed to be more “realistic” or at least deal with more real world problems in their books. So the majority of their conflicts were internal or with society, and the majority of the villains literally were “villains of the week”, who were just obstacles on top of the other problems they were facing.
        Compared to DC, which was primarily about larger-than-life heroes, so they had equally larger-than-life villains. That’s part of the reason why, when a new Batman movie comes out, everyone’s really hyped as who the villain could be. While if the new Iron Man comes out, everyone’s really excited to see RDJ as Stark again, but then they have to go to wikipedia to learn about the bad guy.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          The coolest villains they’ve had so far IMO were Obadiah Stane and Loki. I liked Stane as he was close with Stark but then betrays him. I enjoyed their dynamic, even if the end fight was a bit lacklustre. Loki’s dynamic with Thor is also interesting and so far we’ve seen it fleshed out across 3 films. The Mandarin in Iron Man 3 could have been done a lot better. I’m not talking about the twist, I mean Aldrich Killian as the main bad-guy. I wanted to learn more about him and I wish he’d have more screen time. We don’t ever really know his motives. I wish that they had some moral argument at some point, but it was mostly just a hurried fight near the end.

          • Hale

            Obi also had the advantage of being played by Jeff Bridges, which made him a joy to watch. I’m hoping the new Cap movie does a better job then most of the other movies considering it’s about the Winter Soldier, and that’s genuinely one of the most interesting characters and story arcs from the recent comics.

    • Cameron Vale

      I thought Portman getting the goo in her made a lot of sense. The film establishes that her life’s work is chasing and studying physics anomalies, and that she often takes crazy risks so she can remain one step ahead of the authorities. So the probability of her stumbling into these things is actually quite high. (This is also how she met Thor in the first movie.)

      • Hale

        It makes sense, and it’s perfectly fine for getting the movie going. It’s just, “Oh, the woman Thor JUST happens to be in love with also JUST happens to find this ancient evil that JUST happens to be what these old enemies of Asgard wanted.” It is really contrived, but not in a way that’s horrible and takes you out of the movie. It’s fine for what it is in a big superhero-fantasy blockbuster. Like it really only came to me when I got out of the theater. All I’m wondering is if there might have been a more elegant way of handling it in retrospect, though again, not totally necessary.

        • Cameron Vale

          Now that I think about it, the movie seems like it was mostly made up of epic reveals. I thought they weren’t too forced, though.

  • Hale

    Also, something about that chinese poster makes it look more like a sequel to The Room, with Johnny and Mark wearing goofy costumes.

  • LukeMM95

    How dare you guys make fun of 2 Broke Girls. That show has TWO things that make it perfect family entertainment:

    • Mark Daly

      CityTv… Everywhere.

    • Jeremy Clarkson

      You are totally and absolutely correct. Those are only two things that kept me watching that show whenever I caught it being on the TV.

      • Listener

        Their plan worked. You are a sucker.

      • Cameron Vale

        I like how your comment is written in the actual Jeremy Clarkson’s style.

    • Conquerbeard

      Wow. Those are magical.

    • Alex

      The Count prefers Total Recall

      • Christopher Kulik

        Wait, is that the Apple Monster? WTF?

  • stryker1121

    I did like the end-of-life-crisis earring on Harrison Ford. Completely random but I was just watching Carpenter’s The Thing again and noticed for the first time that Doc Copper has a nose ring. It’s so bizarre looking and out of place, so yeah carry on with your day.

    • Alex

      I had to look at that silly thing the whole time. Well, he can’t fool me, I believe Harrison Ford can still be The Thing.

  • John Krzeminski

    This is the best HITB in a while. Damn Harrison Ford seems exhausted.

  • kbp54

    They pretty much botched the idea of a sequel to Ender’s Game with the way they ended the movie. They cut out so much about Valentine and Peter (“Demosthenes and Lock”) and what it means to become a “Speaker for the Dead” that I don’t see how they could do it. One last thing. I cannot speak for Mr. Card specifically but if that comment about he “hates gays” is directed to his religion it is small minded and false. They don’t

    • gaige

      He was referencing the manufactured controversy over the gay community’s (really, just gay political advocacy groups, the type that are professionally outraged) ire over some comments by Card from the early 90′s.

      As near as I can tell, Card has never expressed any personal ire towards homosexuals, he just disagrees with the lifestyle on moral and religious grounds, and isn’t afraid to say so.

      Which, to the perpetually outraged gay community, anything less than enthusiastic endorsement of their lifestyle is equal to the homophobia of the Iranian Mullahs.

      • KarlBunker

        Umm… yeah. Saying (as Card has) that violence against gays is a good thing because it keeps gay people in the closet where they belong… There certainly isn’t any “personal ire toward homosexuals” there. And anyone who objects to that kind of hate and violence mongering is just “perpetually outraged” about a lack of “enthusiastic endorsement of their lifestyle.”

      • Thanatos2k

        http://penny-arcade.com/report/article/orson-scott-card-is-a-bigot-and-a-homophobe-but-how-should-that-impact-our

        No, seriously, he’s an evil man. He has gone far beyond making “comments.”

    • siriusf

      It wasn’t because of Card’s religion, it’s because he’s a known homophobe http://www.salon.com/2013/05/07/sci_fi_icon_orson_scott_card_hates_fan_fiction_the_homosexual_agenda_partner/

  • Wasperheimer

    Thor 2 was fun, but I’m not sure if that makes every other upcoming MCU film a must-see while waiting for Avengers 2.

    • Kjellmand

      Well, there’s only Captain America left, right? And it’s got Robert Redford in it!

      • Percy Gryce

        Don’t forget Agents of SHIELD on ABC.

        • Pa Kent Says Maybe

          Is that show still on?

          • Percy Gryce

            To paraphrase Monty Python, it’s not dead yet. In fact, apparently, this coming Tuesday’s ep will have a tie-in to Thor 2.

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        There is also “Guardians of the Galaxy”, and maybe “Ant-Man”.

  • http://faddlechud.tumblr.com/ Faddlechud

    Care Boars: The Dark World

  • The Summer of George

    That ending was messed up. I hope Plinkett’s going to be okay.

  • Nicodemus-Rexx

    You guys do need to check out the book for Ender’s Game if you get some time. It’s really good.
    It’s better paced and a lot of stuff makes more sense within the context of its story. In fact I think the reason I enjoyed the movie as much as I did is BECAUSE I knew the larger context of what was going on in the universe.

    Also, the book did a much better job of hiding the ending than the movie does. The book had some differences of location and underplayed a lot of the details that, when put in full frame in the movie to show off how fancy they are, pretty much gave everything away immediately.

    Either way, read it when you get a chance. (said some guy on the internet who you don’t care about.)

    • Manioc

      It’s an amazing book when you’re between the ages of 12 – 16 and can relate to the high school-aged characters and the power fantasy they’re involved in. At least for me it didn’t hold up very well when I read it a second time years later. A lot of the plot doesn’t make much sense; why does Ender waste hundreds of hours in dangerous zero-g combat simulations just so he can learn the value of teamwork and that space isn’t a two-dimensional plane? There’s also a weird, creepy undercurrent of antisemitism, what with the bizarre emphasis on how the previous war was almost lost by a cabal of Jewish admirals, and the “Rose the Nose” character.

      • Nicodemus-Rexx

        I’ll give you that I read it late in my senior year in High School putting me near the age group you stated. I haven’t re-read it since, so I don’t actually know what I’d think of it now, but I will say that there are aren’t many stories I’ve reacted as strongly to as that one.

        As far as the antisemitic undertones go, I don’t remember getting that vibe, but then I don’t remember much about that part of the book anyway. Those characters just didn’t really stand out to me against the backdrop of the larger story so I’m not even going to touch that one.

        However I will say that I don’t understand your criticism of the battle school plot. Yeah it sounds dumb when you boil it down like that, but I seem to remember there being more context to it than your statement implies.
        But then even if the context that Card built around it is shaky, I’d be willing to go as far as to let that one slide under artistic license. To me, asking why battle school is the way it is is like asking why the nations of earth elected to build giant robots In Pacific Rim: Because if they didn’t, it wouldn’t be the story the author wanted to tell.

  • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

    Malekith is mostly just a straightforward magi-tech bad guy. If they had played the Mandarin straight in “Iron Man 3″ he would have been very much like Malekith.

  • http://flesheatingbug.deviantart.com/ Som

    Thor 2: Cruise Control … damn you Sandra Bullock!!

    It felt like new Star Wars 2 for me in bits, not star wars 2 but star wars too, but Thor was waaaaaaaaaaay better than that Star Wars shlock

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Gravity was actually Speed 3: In SPAAAAAAAAACE.

  • Kidakor

    Please, everybody who thinks it’s a good book or wants to buy it, give this a quick read:

    http://www4.ncsu.edu/~tenshi/Killer_000.htm

    This breaks down nicely the many problems with Card’s work and his batshit crazy views. His “only intention decides morality” philosophy is indistinguishable from the thinking history’s greatest mass used to justify their actions for other and themselves.

    “I had to exterminate the Jews because they robbed our money through their usury-practicing bankers and despoiled my homeland through their immoral existence, therefore threatening to exterminate us!”

    “I had to sacrifice tens of millions of my own countrymen in the Great Leap Forward because I wanted the rest and future generations to live in a comfortable, industrialized first-world state!”

    Andrew Wiggin is a hyperviolent psycho who aims to “destroy an enemy’s ability to attack or make war” by killing the hell out of everyone and everything he so chooses, yet is at the same time portrayed as a Messianic figure that’s directly compared to Jesus who’s just so fucking “good” to the core that he’s simply unable to do bad, m-kay?

    It’s no wonder EG is really popular among the SF/YA fiction crowd, it’s A-grade wishfulfillment. Many nerds/geeks out there who experienced bullying and swallow the lessons learned from Marty Stu Ender, genius tactician, strategist and hand-to-hand fighter from age 6 onwards. “They bully you because they’re jealous of your superior qualities, but you can not only persevere and ultimately triumph by getting back at them with the same methods they used on you, you can get off scot-free courtesy of your innate goody goodness!”

    Not to forget the book also advocates a doctrine of total annihilation as not only justified but preferable even though military history shows this only causes unnecessary, excessive suffering for both sides as well as harsh “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” parenting that’s supposed to make strong manly men out of children but only produces maladjusted brutes.

    Oh yeah, and the lion’s share of Card’s income goes directly to the 200 years older, more powerful and ass-backwards version of Scientology he belongs to…

    • Elyssar’sirath

      Along with Kessel’s essay this page also nails the underlying
      appeal of the book. http://plover.net/~bonds/ender.html

    • Thanatos2k

      I ONLY READ BOOKS THAT ESPOUSE VIEWS I ALSO BELIEVE IN!

      • Kidakor

        So, you espouse theocratic neo-fascism?

        Good to know, but do me the favor and inform your neighbors/friends/family/bosses/etc. of this, not only the Internet. They need to know this for their shitlists.

        • Thanatos2k

          You know, to draw conclusions one usually has to have information to do so.

          Not for stupid people though, apparently.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    While watching Thor 2, I kept leaning to my friends to whisper things like:

    “Hey, this scene is just like Star Wars Episode II, except Anakin is now Thor.”
    “Hey, this scene is just like Jumper, except Anakin is now Thor.”
    “Hey, this funeral is just like Star Wars Episode III, except instead of Anakin causing Padmé’s death, Padmé causes Frigga’s death.”
    “Hey, this, uh… guy isn’t wearing pants?…”

    The moments where Mjolnir was confused, going this way and that, was hilarious.

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      I loved that Mjolnir just took off into space at one point. “COMIN” BOSS!”

    • TapewormBike

      Ummm..Excuse me? You meant Thor: The Dark World with that Thor 2 business of yours? Btw, you know why they had to ditch the numbers right? Because someone actually figured out, that somewhere along the way they are gonna make Thor Four.

      • Fartastic

        I want to see lots of swoards in Thor Four.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          So fucking glad that you used that Mike voice. I love when he goes into that mode.

        • TapewormBike

          Maybe some broad swoard wielding broad? Oh my goard!

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Thor Episode II: The Revenge of the Fallen Dark Sith Moon in 3D!!!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’ll just leave this here. Gives a whole new meaning to “Coming Soon”.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Tho’real Paris, because you’re worth it.

    • Jay Stein

      This poster has me in a huge WTF?!?!?!?

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        Fun story, it was a fan made edit, but it got posted in some European(?) theaters as a real promotional tool.

        • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

          China, but yeah. They didn’t bother to check if it was a real image.

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            Why would they check? It so perfectly captures the film.

    • Billy_Whizz

      It’s a much more fitting poster. There was far more chemistry between these two than with the actual love interest.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Ain’t that the fucking truth.

      • Cameron Vale

        True, but it’s not hard to exceed zero.

    • catnep

      Geddy Lee has had a lot of work done.

      • Percy Gryce

        Humor from Canadia, ha, I love it. Or should I have said “humour”?

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          Humouré.

      • Now I Get It

        Thus creating an imbalance in/restoring balance to the Dirxstiverse…?

        Fans vote now!

        • catnep

          For he has dined on honeydew and drunk the milk of paradise! waaaaaaaah PARADISE!

    • Alex

      Well great! Now everytime I see Thor “grabbing the hammer”, I’ll be reminded of this fanfic.

  • http://www.youtube.com/ac1dchr15t ac1d

    You know Mike and Jay are hacks when they don’t even have their own Wikipedia pages. It would be funnier if only Rich had his own exclusive Wiki page.

  • Percy Gryce

    That kind of action I can do without.

  • Percy Gryce

    Death notice: Joey S. Plinkett, Jr., beloved father, son, grandson, and grandnephew, passed away November 14, 2013, at the Lightning Fast VCR Repair service center in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The cause of death was accidental asphyxiation.

    Joey Jr. is survived by his daughter Crystal, an exotic dancer in Atlantic City, New Joysey; by his grandfather, Harry S., a professional movie critic, who survived the infamous sinking of RMS Titanic in 1912, originally from Teaneck, New Jersey, now resident in Milwaukee; and his great aunt, Harriet, a world traveller. He was predeceased by his father, Joey Sr., who hanged himself in a service station restroom on the New Jersey Turnpike in 1993.

    In lieu of flowers, the family requests that you send donations to: The Joey S. Plinkett, Jr. Memorial Fund, c/o Trump Taj Mahal Casino Hotel, attn. Harry S. Plinkett, Slingo Mystery Bonus Slot Machine (near the Men’s Bathroom), Atlantic City, N.J. 08401.

    Rest in peace and may the angels bear him home.

    • TJ

      This is so brilliant, bravo.

    • Now I Get It

      Top shelf. Plus, you managed to avoid RedLetterPedia’s first editing controversy, by not attributing his asphyxiation to global warming.

      • Percy Gryce

        I was going to mention the negligent homicide investigation, but I couldn’t cite an independent source.

    • Pa Kent Says Maybe

      Prayers to his family. Oh, and thoughts. Thoughts and prayers to his family.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      A post this beautiful can only be written by someone who’s lived about 150 years.

      • Percy Gryce

        It certainly feels like it’s been that long.

    • Cameron Vale

      Wait, Fake Plinkett has the same family as Real Plinkett?

      • Percy Gryce

        Stop asking perfectly logical questions.

        • SkaMP

          Wait… who are you again? and where are my pants?

    • Christopher Kulik

      Best Half in the Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag comment ever! :)

      • Percy Gryce

        Thank you. Although I do feel a little conflicted having displaced Kat Dennings’s magnificent lady lumps . . . .

  • Jordan

    The Enders Game book sucked too.

    • BunnyFooFoo

      Did not. Furthermore, nuh uh.

    • MonkeyKing1969

      The book is overrated for sure, illogical as a story without a doubt, but entertaining in a popcorn way. The problem is any real treatment of the book would be creepy…or should be.

  • Yukonses

    I enjoyed Thor 2, but I was most disappointed by the lack of script material for Eccleston. Right around the middle of the movie (the Thor/Loki plan) and definitely during the final battle, there should have been some villainous speeches or something to explain to us mere mortals exactly WHY the main baddy was doing all this bad stuff. That’s my only real beef.

    !!! SPOILERS !!!:
    Oh and that ending. What was up with that? What did Odin do with Heimdall? What did Loki do with Odin? Is that supposed to be some kind of cliffhanger? I don’t get it. Am I not supposed to? Was it just a high 5 from Loki to the audience? Me dumb and don’t understand.

    • stoopsmcoops

      The generic, goofy plot and stupid coincidences (pretty much everything involving Jane). are the only things that kept me from really, really liking Thor 2. I mean I still really liked it. Just not really, really.
      I think Malekith’s motivation was explained away in one line of his where he says he wants to restore darkness for his people to rule again or something. It’s never mentioned again.
      And yeah, the Ocean’s 11 part was great. The off-the-rails climax was great. The humor was great. Fun, fun movie.

      I was also left wondering what the hell happened to Volstagg and everyone who committed treason. I’m assuming Loki-as-Odin just absolved them?

      • Yukonses

        Good points and I respect your words. But I must disagree with you (and Mike/Jay) that the inclusion of Jane in the plot is a lame coincidence. There’s nothing out the ordinary about this in movies. In fact, if the script called for a stranger to be threatened by the red stuff, a skilled movie maker would say, “Why not Jane? Why not cut the middle man?” It’s just obvious. I know it’s not realistic, but it’s the movies.

        Now let’s say that we don’t like Jane at all, a totally cool opinion. If it wasn’t Jane involved with the red stuff, then her character would be limited to just pining for Thor, which is ultimately pointless. Then it would be ok for a new character to have the red stuff and we could cut Jane entirely.

        The point is: the movie ‘needs’ a love interest. Giving Thor a new love interest would make him look like a dipshit teenager who can’t keep focused on one girl. Bad. Not having a love interest at all gives Thor even less to fight for. Bad. So I concluded that, even if I don’t love Jane either, the movie-makers made the appropriate choices.

        • stoopsmcoops

          Oh, yeah. I’m not disputing that Jane is necessary. And I actually don’t mind the character herself. You’re right, though, that my complaints are about some pretty common film tropes. I guess I’m just a little weary of them.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The two after credits scenes in Thor 2 were a waste of time.

    Thor comes back to Earth and smooches Jane? Okay. Two Asgardians give some weird people with odd surroundings some red thing in a box [was it the Aether?...], then right after the Asgardians round the corner the dude says something diabolical. It’s so cheesy that my friends and I just burst out laughing. “That’s IT? What was that?!”

    The best after credits scene I’ve seen was surprisingly from The Wolverine when Professor X and Magneto make out with Wolvie [as they affectionately call him] in a hot tub, which they soon find out is a Hot Tub Time Machine and they’re transported back in time to stop Boris the Animal from killing Agent K. Hey, I recognize that ArcNet that Griffin has… I know because I sold it to you.

  • Greg

    “It’s just a bunch of silly shit.” Thank you Jay.

    • Billy_Whizz

      That can be a good thing!

  • Cyvaris

    Ironically while watching Thor I leaned over to my friend and said, “hey at least Thor won’t compare her to sand!”

    • Alex

      The sand people do not approve

      • Thanatos2k

        You mean Arabs?

        • Alex

          “neeoooow…….no, y-you racist, no”.

          • Thanatos2k

            Oh jeez…I wanted to talk about the control panels….

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Aha. Made the same observation with my friend while watching the film and we keeled over in laughter.

  • Azriel24

    I love Han Solo and Indiana Jones as characters, but every one of those Harrison Ford clips made me laugh out loud, and I do not believe in a good way.

    • BunnyFooFoo

      I feel about Harrison Ford the same way Jay and Mike feel about Natalie Portman*: I’ve never been able to get why he’s considered a good actor. He just kind of grunts and mumbles his way through every role. He’s beloved, I guess, because of the iconic characters he’s played, but I think that’s been far more a function of the roles themselves than of any noteworthy acting ability on his part.

      * I don’t think Natalie Portman is a good actress, either, but I also want to have sex with her, so I’m willing to look past that. I’m a big person that way.

      • Bacchus

        I think he’s got genuine charisma and a limited range. He can do roguish and charming, but if he’s acting in something he doesn’t like then he won’t bother trying. (See Morning Glory, or rather, don’t).

        If he realizes a movie he’s in is bad I just think he doesn’t give a shit anymore, which is sad really. And sometimes, very funny.

      • Cameron Vale

        The thing is though, you need an actual cool dude to play a Han Solo, or you’ll just get an Outrageous Okona. So he definitely was a cool dude once, he just got old and smoked too much weed.

        • Percy Gryce

          Wow, good TNG pull. That episode is not very fixed in my memory because I was in the Army in Europe then and we only saw episodes that people remembered to tape on VHS and mail to us via the APO and I don’t think that was one of of them. Or maybe only half of it.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Many women seem to look past his acting because they wanna Indiana his Jones.

  • Nicodemus-Rexx

    I wouldn’t say they RUINED the zero-g room, but they did pare down its context in the larger battle school environment a lot for time constraints. Also, the actual matches they played kind of stuck to a highlight reel of “Ender’s Greatest Hits” from the book. Take that for what you will; It was a lot of book to cram in a two hour movie.

    It was a little disappointing they didn’t show more, but what they did show looked pretty good to my eyes at least. Although you don’t know me so… my opinion doesn’t actually have any meaning…

    :/

  • Nicodemus-Rexx

    My friend posited that the only way to do it right would have been to break it into two movies. Personally I agree, but then Hollywood isn’t going to take a chance marketing one book they don’t know is going to sell as two movies. :/

    • Cameron Vale

      You and your friend are both right, they should have split it up, but don’t MARKET it as two movies. Just call the first one “Ender’s Game,” don’t add “Part 1″ or anything like that. If it works, you call the sequel “Ender’s Game 2″ or “Ender’s Game: Command School;” and if it doesn’t work, just forget it since apparently no one cares.

  • Kidakor

    I only want to avoid speculative fiction that’s full of genocide apologia and crypto-fascism, actually.

    Thankfully out there’s enough material made by compassionate, sane people that reflect their character traits.

  • Bacchus

    Thor 2 was a let-down. Would have liked more of the fish-out-of-water comedy (like where Thor hangs his hammer up). They get a brilliant actor like Christopher Eccleston (seriously, look up his work) and give him naff-all dialogue, plus virtually no backstory. I kept wondering why his villain Elf-thingy was so angry.

    Also Portman may/may not be a great actress but you can only cook with the ingredients you’re given and she had NO LINES (none I can remember anyway).

    Plus points: Visuals, an old dude in his underwear is always funny, Loki (though not enough) and a genuinely amusingly silly plot.

  • MichaelKz

    I guess I’m not too much of a comic book fan, because until these Thor movies, I never considered Thor as a space alien, but I guess that’s what he and everyone in Asgard is. Of course, I always considered Beta Ray Bill an space alien because he was established as such.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      ‘Space alien’? As opposed to those aliens here on Earth, right? You know, the illegal ones?

      • MichaelKz

        Yes, I invented the term “space alien”. You are so fucking smart to point that out. No one has ever used the term “space alien” before. I am the first and clearly I am wrong to use it. So out of the collective lexicon of the English language it goes!

        • TapewormBike

          Man, it is nice to see some consensus around here.

          • TapewormBike

            “Farts”

          • Cameron Vale

            (farts)

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          I invented the term jokingly-pointing-out-redundancies. I didn’t invent getting bent-out-of-shape-by-a-comment, though.

          PS – In MIB, ‘space aliens’ and ‘illegal aliens’ are sometimes the same thing. I mean, have you seen Rip Torn?

    • Jay Stein

      Thor is a GOD!!!

  • Anthony D.

    The quality of Ender’s Game really hurt, I first read the book back in like eighth grade and I re-read it every once in a while because it’s such a masterpiece. I definitely recommend reading it to anyone who either saw this movie and hated it or hasn’t seen it yet.

    It’s really too bad Orson Scott Card is such a homophobic jerk because Ender’s Game is seriously a great read.

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      What is really weird is how distant the secular humanist messages of many of his books is so distant from his personal world view.
      It is like finding out “Imagine” wasn’t written by John Lennon but by Joseph McCarthy.

      • Geahk Burchill

        Absolutely! That’s the thing that really surprised me when I finally found OSC’s blog. I was utterly shocked reading his writings about Obama or Elizabeth Warren. How did the guy who wrote so eloquently about different races, religions and classes working together toward a common purpose turn into such a xenophobic nutter? His political Op-Ed writings smack of white supremacy and Glenn Beck level conspiracy theories. I almost wonder if electing a black man broke his brain.

  • milky_cereal

    It’s about time you posted some new content you hack frauds. I expect more from my $100,000 donation.

    • Alex

      That’s what contracts are for. Enslavement 101

  • Studio Executive

    If it’s wrong to make a mediocre movie based on a good book written by a bad person, then all hope is lost…

    • Jay Stein

      Its wrong

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Wrong and right are merely human concepts, right Studio Executive?

      PS – When’s Ender’s Game coming out on HDDVD? Oh, wait…

  • Yezzir!

    Sick and tired of crappy sci-fi/comic book movies. Actions films are in the dumpster.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1794826466 Barry Jones

      Unless of course you have something like Dredd, which is both sci-fi, a comic book, and an action film. If only people bothered to go see it. We’d have a great sequel to look forward to other than the usual Marvel shite year in year out.

      • Jay Stein

        Don’t give up on Dredd. Urban likes the character and there is growing support from home video sales and us fanbois…;P

        • Geahk Burchill

          I think I have convinced all my friends now to see Dredd if they make a sequel. I systematically invited all three of them to my house, one by one, tied them up and forced them to watch Dredd with toothpicks holding their eyelids open.

          They know if a sequel comes out not to FUCK with me and just go see the film in theaters and spare themselves a whole lot of trouble later.

      • Billy_Whizz

        I still feel quite guilty for not going to see Dredd. No one would come and see it with me. At least it’s getting more recognition now.

  • volbla

    Aw, i love the comic relief girl. She’s awesome. I guess just because she’s a woman in a movie who isn’t like an ordinary boring person, but she’s really goofy and likes fun. I appreciate goofy ladies.

    • Samuel Pérez García

      I actually thought she would have made a better female lead in the first Thor than Natalie Portman, and this is coming from someone with a huge crush on Natalie. Natalie just isn’t right for that role.

    • Cameron Vale

      I like comic relief and all, but damn, the jokes in this movie were like something out of a sitcom.

  • Studio Executive

    I stopped reading after “Overall, I’d have to say that Ender’s Game was the best.”

  • Showbiz Pizza Bear

    I put the goo in Natalie Portman once.

    • Jay Stein

      No…

    • TapewormBike

      More like Nut All In Portman. Right, fellas? Hur hur hur.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      That must have been the best 7 seconds of your life.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Wait… I thought you were supposed to be haunting Rich Evans!

  • Jay Stein

    I liked that continuity error…Rich Evans is a GOD!!! He IS a continuity error..

  • Jay Stein

    actually it’s STAR TRAK…

    • Geahk Burchill

      Or, Staaaaaaaaaahr Traghk.

  • Jay Stein

    He’s Illuminati for sure…

  • Jay Stein

    I thank Mike and Jay for saving lots of cash, I just spend the money I save from watching crap in the theater and spend it on beer…

    • Jay Stein

      Oh and posters and stuff from their webzone…:)

  • Haitchpeasauce

    Mike and Jay swapped places…. whaaaaaat?

    • TapewormBike

      I think they should go back to all the previous HitBs and digitally swap them. Also add scream, whenever they are silent.

  • Alex Lee

    Also, Petra only gets as much screen time as she does because she’s the “female lead,” which is clearly the director trying to fit convention. In the book, she actually snaps under the pressure placed upon her, and her exhaustion serves as a message to Ender to rotate his team members more when commanding a fleet.

  • Art Kid

    Jay! Have to call you out on your accusation of Ender being a “chosen
    one”. They never claim that, never build that up as part of the story
    and never use that as a plot element. Sorry, but calling that a sci-fi
    trope was *you* being lazy. Ender is part of this program to train kids
    almost from birth to be great commanders. He is from a family of kids
    who almost make it and he is the one who makes it, period. I agree with
    everything else you guys say. It’s a lot of book to fit into one movie
    and it *does* have a lot of dry spots – just lots of training and
    training then suddenly, the end, in the book. Even though it’s an
    awesome story it’s not necessarily perfect for adaption. Harrison Ford
    was not great, true, but that woman he was working with was also a
    terrible choice and a weak performance. Sorry, she was just a token “I
    *care* about Ender character and did not convey that well at all.

    • Alex Lee

      Graff skewers the entire Battle school program to make Ender ready for Command School way before his time. He also singles him out on the shuttle and promotes him to isolate and reward him at the same time..And then there’s the line, which is in both the book and the movie, that he’s not the first, but he’s the last.

      So, yes, Ender is the “chosen one” in the story.

      • Art Kid

        But that is not the “chosen one” that Jay is talking about. He’s referring to the really weak plot line of simply being this dumb thing – a chosen one and therefore everything revolves around you and what you do like Neo in the second and third Matrix movie, weak! But Ender actually *is* the most talented leader in training so they focus all their attention on him and do anything to make him reach the point they want him to reach. This has nothing to do with the lame trope “The Chosen One,”but Jay applies that term to Ender anyway. Sorry, this movie may or may not be good, but Jay was wrong on that point.

        • Alex Lee

          The entire story revolves around Ender’s arc, to the detriment of every other character.

    • http://www.plasticpals.com/ Robotbling

      In the first clip of it they show, Kingsley says, “I think he’s the one.”

    • ident

      Orson Scott Card made Ender a Christ figure. The crushing of the serpent’s head and the ending of the book make it very clear that, at least in the book, Ender was a “chosen one”. I haven’t seen the movie.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      One time I forgot to flush the toilet after taking a #2. That was an embarrassing experience when I had family over and my aunt noticed, came out, and yelled, “Okay, who forgot to flush the toilet?!”

      She made a big deal out of some dookie when really she could have just flushed it, knowing someone simply forgot, and moved on, but instead figured it was somehow a good idea to find the culprit and make sure everyone else knew, as well. I guess it wasn’t so bad that it was me, the person who lived there, that had done it and ultimately took the blame. Still, thought, why would she do that?…

      Oh, sorry, what was that you were saying?…

  • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

    Yeah, Harry Houdini and he were friends and this was a point of contention in their relationship. Harry would travel around disproving mystics and mediums, and Conan would be suckered by any number of assholes who claimed to talk to the dead.
    It was like a bumbling duo of mystery solvers, but Sherlock is the Watson, and the Magician is the kill joy.

    • Cameron Vale

      Sherlock is the Watson?

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        When it comes to this analogy, Arthur Conan Doyle is Sherlock, and when it comes to the supernatural he acts more like Watson, baffled and taken in by the ruse.

  • Alex Lee

    I always envisioned Mazer as on board a command ship, leading his reserve fleet to intercept. I never thought of him as a fighter pilot (a common soldier, basically).

  • http://www.plasticpals.com/ Robotbling

    Do you work at the Home Depot?

    • SNKCrymore

      He must work at Lowe’s.

  • http://www.plasticpals.com/ Robotbling

    You guys went and saw Ender’s Game yet ignored Elysium?

    • Alex Lee

      Eh, Jay would probably hate Elysium just because of all the shaky cam in every action scene…in an action movie. All for a movie that is a better remake of Robocop than the Robocop remake.

      • TheJackFromTitanic

        I disagree. Using shaky cam does not always make a bad action scene. The director behind Elysium is known from his trademark style of mixing ultra realistic CGI to “raw video footage” and the shaky cam thing is the big part of keeping the style together.

        There’s also pretty obvious social commentary within the movies plot, which is dumbed down for the general audiences, but at least that way the movie has somewhat a soul. To the movies credit, Elysium at least is a original work of science fiction, not a prequel, remake, based on a book or a comic or whatever.

        • Alex Lee

          When shaky cam is used sparingly, it is pretty good. It’s just that Elysium does it all the time, even when it’s some guy walking in a room. At some point, I just got nauseous because there are so many scenes that abuse shaky cam.

          There’s also a scene where the CEO is talking to his assistant and for no reason at all, the character speaking (I can’t remember who) is out of focus.. I’ve never been able to figure out why that is, but that really annoyed me.

      • Cameron Vale

        Matt LeBlanc’s performance was amazing.

    • Alex

      Enough with the Elysium whining. Elysium was worse than Oblivion.
      It had some nice visuals, ok, but that didn’t absolve the dumb script, a predictable plot and social criticism hammered home like a 12-year-old Carrot Top.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        I’m assuming that was before Carrot Top was the orange version of The Hulk.

    • Thanatos2k

      I think they secretly saw Elysium and are holding out on us.

  • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

    Actually I didn’t find the Starship Troopers book particularly engaging. Teenager me liked the idea of exosuits, but as I recall, Paul Verhoeven found the book depressingly militaristic, which is why he took the film in the direction it went in.

    I haven’t read Ender’s Game, but from what I can tell it’s also similarly militaristic. If that’s your sort of thing then fine, but I would hardly argue that Starship Troopers was a particularly deep novel in itself.

    • Alex Lee

      The only thing I found interesting in Starship Troopers wasn’t even the action, it was all the classroom scenes when they were discussing the merits of their society and why our society failed.

  • castlemonster

    OMG! Attack of the Hover Ads!

  • Thanatos2k

    Thor 2 is SO much better written than Thor 1…

  • TapewormBike

    I find the Marvel movies to be comparable to a very funny and entertaining joke being told by a person I like having around me. And it is not told that often, so I enjoy it few more times, BUT it is still the same joke. However, since they have now James Gunn telling jokes about spaaaaace and Edgar Wright about teeny tiny fella, my interest is back on

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I lost my interest connection a while ago. I slowly went insane. Thankfully my interest provider got it back up and running and I now care[boar] about things again.

  • TapewormBike

    Ok, after seeing the trailers for Enders Game several times, I think I figured it all out. Read on, if your name is J. J Abrams and/or Lawrence Kasdan. Here is the opening of Star Wars Episode VII: Somehow, we are able to age back the girl who played Uma Thurmans daughter in Kill Bill and dye her hair black and make it into sidebuns. We see this girl, smiling and shouting “Grandpa Han!” and going “Pew Pew Pew!”. We pan and reveal the grumpy face of Harrison Ford, who nonetheless smiles and attempts to grab his pretend gun. He yells “You shot first!” and grabs his chest. Then after a few seconds, we notice that he is still clutching his chest, a sudden stifness and pain in his expression. Then he fucking dies. TAAAAAAAAAA! Star Wars music, rolling text.

    • ident

      Very Godfather-y.

      • TapewormBike

        Yup.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      So, what really happened was he had a fucking heart attack on set, right?

      • TapewormBike

        Bit of the ol’ Cinema Verité in SW, sure.

  • TapewormBike

    Im starting to see a trend around here.

    • Real Quantum

      Brett Ratner and Uwe Boll coming up…

      • TapewormBike

        Im just gonna go ahead and make the Michael Bay account myself.

  • Billy_Whizz

    The Marvel movies have varied in quality for me from ‘that thoroughly entertained me like a blockbuster should’ to ‘that was a pretty fun film’. None of them have gotten me angry yet like Man of Steel did. That’s a good thing……I think.

    • sepiajack

      Agreed, some are better than others but overall this whole crazy experiment they embarked on has been a success. I think would rate them best to worst as follows (just in my own personal tastes):

      The Avengers
      Thor 2
      Iron man 3
      Thor 1
      3way tie for The Incredible Hulk & Captain America & Iron man 2
      Iron man 1

      I’m well aware that my low rating for Iron man 1, and high ratings for IM 3 and 2 are not the popular consensus, but that’s my take on it

      • Billy_Whizz

        Iron Man 3 is close to the top of my list also. It’s my second favourite thus far. Each to their own, but I’ve never been able to get my head around this extreme internet vitriol for it. Something to do with ‘the Mandarin’, I guess.

        • Cameron Vale

          At the very least, you have to admit that Iron Man 3 is the odd one out. I don’t think the Mandarin is the only thing about it that might irritate people but I personally was hoping for him to be a villain and was even kind of pissed off that he wasn’t in Iron Man 2, and it’s interesting that Iron Man 3 responded to my hopes with not one, not two, but THREE middle fingers. First they made Mandarin an obvious Osama Bin Laden stand-in, then they made him secretly a fraud with no connection at all to the Ten Rings from the first movie, and finally they had a guy randomly announce at the end that he’s the real Mandarin (also with no connection to the Ten Rings).

          • Billy_Whizz

            Yeah, I can understand people being pissed off about it who were really genuinely in to the Mandarin before the film came out and wanted to see him done justice. It’s just that the amount of Mandarin fans out there has either grown a lot since the films release, or there are vastly more out there than I thought.

          • Cameron Vale

            I don’t think there are a lot of Mandarin fans really. It’s just that some ideas stand the test of time, and although these ideas are often hard to find, they are rarely hard to recognize.

        • Christopher Kulik

          Shane Black > Jon Favreau (in directing as well as writing)

  • Haitchpeasauce

    Part time.

    • catnep

      PART time.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        And then someone farts.

        Get it? FART time?

  • bb-15

    Very useful guys. I won’t spend a dime or waste any time watching Ender’s Game or Thor 2.
    - A slight nitpick. I’m a bit puzzled by the end of the video with Rich/Plinkett and the comment about his grandson. Was that supposed to be funny? It wasn’t for me.
    - Otherwise, a solid video/review.

    • TapewormBike

      It was tragic, you heartless bastard (You cannot see me, but Im laughing while writing it).

      • Now I Get It

        What you said was heartless, you tragic bastard. (You can’t see me, but while I’m typing I’m… Oops, I think I’d better draw my drapes.)

        • TapewormBike

          I think I saw something small….

          • Now I Get It

            I was playing with my nesting dolls, I swear! ‘Cause nothing gets as small as a nesting doll, at the end, right? Right?

            http://www.meenahandicrafts.com/filesupload/productimage/RD-MNH-0087.jpg

          • TapewormBike

            My eyes, my beautiful eyes!

          • Mitchell Taco Nash

            If you know where to find these, I would li- er, I know a friend who would like to buy these for… reasons.

          • Now I Get It

            This Christmas, luck is in season! Those lathe-turned beauties come in four hardwoods – Australian Buloke, Lapacho, Bubinga, and Pear – and are available now, for a limited time, online.

            Just have your friend send both of his interior measurements, relaxed and dilated, to our web address (en.redletterX.org/store) or come in for a live fitting.

            Swatched from fabric that’s been passed innumerable times through the smoothing acids of Maxon Crumb’s digestice tract, then lightly greased in the suet of yearling pigs, our measuring tape is supple enough to conform accurately, and tenderly, to the most asymmetrical circumferences.

            ttp://img0.etsystatic.com/000/0/5762538/il_570xN.270292436.jpg

            So, whether your friend is honing the calibre of his prolapse or just toning his kegels, we’re sure our nesting dolls will pack the girth and finish he’s been looking for. *

            * As for length, we’ve found that most of our customers prefer to be surprised! ;)

      • bb-15

        TapewormBike trying to be a comedian.
        Don’t quit your day job dude.

        • TapewormBike

          And you could not tell me that yesterday?!

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          YOU try being a bike made out of tapeworms and see if you can even use a keyboard let alone crack lame but lovable jokes!

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      It’s ironic, then, that I had a dream where someone’s kid boy was choking [for 5 hours...] and he needed tweezers to save him by pulling whatever was in his throat out [yet figured going to a church for medical help was his best bet...].

      The tweezers he found sucked and I eventually went to a camp I was apparently staying at, found mine, and gave them to him. He pulled a single cat hair out of his son’s throat and his son was back to normal.

  • Haitchpeasauce

    Time for Hollywood or HBO to make a film series of Robin Hobb’s books. The Liveship Traders series would actually translate to film pretty well. Pirates, sea serpents, dragons. Awesome.

  • Geahk Burchill

    Yeah. As nit-picky and stupid as this suggestion is I had to agree. I always find Homer distracting when I’m trying to mast… enjoy a review.

  • Wethewax

    Natalie Portman isn’t a more believable scientist than Denise Richards. I think the phrase Jay was looking for was “Natalie Portman is as unbelievable as a scientist as Denise Richards………but with smaller breasts.”

    • Samuel Pérez García

      Natalie Portman did go to Harvard in real life, though, she actually got some brains. Denise Richards? I have a hard time believing she could into the University of Phoenix online courses.

      • Wethewax

        Meh. After her “performance” in the Star Wars prequels, I’m surprised that Natalie Portman can survive off life support.

        • Torgos_Giant_Knees

          Agreed. That in no way detracts from the fact that she was sexy as the kid in The Professional, though.

          • Quonk II

            Oh, you dirty, dirty individual, you.

        • Samuel Pérez García

          That’s a bad example considering George Lucas knows shit about directing actors, and the script lines Natalie and Hayden were given were unworkable. There is no plausible way to say “No, I’m SO in love with YOU” without sounding like a teenager at a bad school play. Natalie’s a good actress, just not suited for this role.

          • Alex Lee

            Hmm, let’s see if there’s a rhyme for that…

            “No, I’m SO in LOVE with you.”
            “And I hope I never make you blue.”

            Oh Christ, now I’m writing better than Lucas!…See I did, like, a thing.

          • sepiajack

            And otherwise good actors like SLJ, ewan Mcgregor, christopher lee, and Yoda all give terrible performances in the prequels. I’m not going to hold those movies against portman or hayden, as you said no one could have made that crap work.

          • Wethewax

            In a movie replete with actors performing below par, Portman and Christensen STILL managed to stand out as wooden.
            Btw, I have no particular desire to defend Denise Richards, but…..if the quality of the ST prequels lessens Portman’s bad acting, then why doesn’t the quality of the Bond franchise lessen Richards’ bad acting?
            Bond films aren’t exactly known for their gritty realism, and the “Bond girls” aren’t regarded as “in depth character studies”.
            Richards is a better actress than most “Bond girls”, and no more unbelievable as a scientist than say Ursula Andress is a free-diver who grew up on a slave plantation, Jill St. John as the linchpin of an international diamond smuggling ring, or Halle Berry as a special forces trained NSA assassin.
            I suppose Berry was more believable in that role than as Catwoman, but that’s a bit like saying that uranium is slightly less toxic than plutonium.

            So to sum up, Richards doesn’t deserve to get thrown under the bus, or if she does then she should have plenty of company.

          • sepiajack

            For the record I have no beef with Denise Richards in Bond, those movies always have gorgeous bombshells as scientists or spies or whatnot. It would actually be more out of place if she wasn’t so hot

          • Alex Lee

            It’s more like he didn’t let his actors put in any input for their characters.When they did, they came up with really insightful lines. “I know,” being the most famous one. All the prequel characters probably went “uh huh” and “okay” the entire time.

      • Christopher Kulik

        Anybody can get into University of Phoenix online classes: all you need to do is apply for a student loan.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It takes a long time to get rid of all that Creamed Corn.

  • Alex Lee

    Right, exactly. I wasn’t saying it’s because she was weak, but as an example to teach Ender the importance of better management. When I said that “she’s the female lead,” I meant that her importance was way overblown in the movie, far beyond the scope of the book. The way the Petra-Ender training scene is shot the way it is because they felt like these two characters needed to have chemistry when it was never really there in the first place. I think it’s because if there’s no strong female lead, then this movie would be way too gay.

    • Samuel Pérez García

      And we all know a gay movie is the last thing Orson Scott Card wants!

  • MichaelKz

    Clearly you’ve never seen the movie Hanover Street. ;)

  • Tony_IA

    I watched Enders Game, and having not read the books for a very long time, felt it was a well done representation – I was able to enjoy the show. I’ll wait for “everything wrong with” to point out all the things I missed, lol, because I always to into a show trying to be entertained. It’s not easy to pull off. But in this case it was. Sure, lots of dead time that fell flat and some empathy was shown on the screen I just didn’t believe, along with some jarring cuts – but still entertaining imo – but that’s just me.

    • Connor

      You haven’t read the book for a very long time but you know whether or not it represents the book well?

      That doesn’t really work.

      • Alex Lee

        I get why a person would say that it’s “well done” though, because we had zero expectations of this movie being made at all. Rumors of this movie being made existed for decades, but it’s been on hold for the entire time. When I heard the rumors that it was being made, I was excited, then it started to fade as it became apparent that it wasn’t happening.

  • TapewormBike

    Well, then it is not just Scott Card who is being a moron, it is the religion as well. Everybody wins. Seriously though, some people can completely disregard the person behind the art and I admit, he is a good author (he is not some genius though, loved his books in my teens and that is where they belong, right along Ayn Rand if you are also an asshole). Nonetheless, having a problem with (from my point) such a non issue as gay marriage is a clear sign of havng a dick where your head should be and I just am not able to give it a pass.

  • TapewormBike

    I think Mike said somewhere he only saw couple of episodes and he thinks it’s ok.

  • TapewormBike

    I, my dear sir am offended by your sexist comments implying that women are only defined by their breasts. I for one am positive that she has fine pussyyyyyy as well.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I hear it’s fetus-free, too!

      • TapewormBike

        Stop making me hungry!

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          What can I do? Taco’s my middle name!

  • Wasperheimer

    I honestly thought that they’d eventually turn her into a villain when she started to show those possessed eyes. But nope, bland love interest it is.

    • sepiajack

      I was hoping for the villain twist also, but I agree Thor 2 was lots of fun, and got into Dr Who level craziness by the end

    • Retrograde

      That never entered my head, but that would’ve been something interesting! It honestly would’ve turned it into the strongest non-avengers one of these for me! Oh well.

      After seeing the trailer I personally hoped that the ‘Thor on his knees screaming’ bit was in response to her getting smeared, but in hindsight the editing there was a bit too obvious for what would be a major turn.

      • sepiajack

        I like that that moment was manipulated in the trailer to really mislead the audience, I thought when I saw it ‘okay Jane dies, Thor goes and gets Loki to team up for revenge’ but nope, oh boy is that not at all the chain of events or the outcome. I like when trailer makers do that, most of the time I feel like I know the whole plot from the promos

  • Percy Gryce

    Yes, what with Don Dohler, Len Kabasinski, and Showbiz Pizza Bear, there was so much going on in every frame of the last episode that we really didn’t even get into the Star Track jokes–which I thought were excellente. The only thing lacking was Mike as Spook roasting marshmellons over their campfire.

    • http://faddlechud.tumblr.com/ Faddlechud

      Row row row your boat,
      Gently down the stream

  • Showbiz Pizza Bear

    There was plenty of rubbing off, you can be certain. However, her elitist persona had not yet fully formed back then so I was safe.

    • Cameron Vale

      They don’t let you into showbiz until you bang the Showbiz Pizza Bear.

  • Harry Butters

    Every time I watch an episode I hope Plinkett gets some revenge or redemption, but after 62 times of being let down I don’t ever think it’s gonna happen…. Unless he’s a masochist…. Then that would mean he’s been playing you two all along!!! Haha Matt and Jerry, suck it.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I’m just writing this to say I appreciated the names at the end. I didn’t see them coming and I emitted embarrassing, weird laughter once I read it.

  • Percy Gryce

    [Clap, clap, clap.]

    • TapewormBike

      Psst, check your crotch, I hear some sound from you.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Sometimes when I read your jokes I just shake my head but then reluctantly smile anyway.

        • TapewormBike

          Most people just get to the first half of that sentence.

  • CARE BOARS CARE BOARS CARE BOA

    I love watching these reviews. I really do. I remember being younger and watching Siskel and Ebert and thinking, “Wow. These guys make even interesting movies seem boring.” This show really has the most watchable movie reviews out there.

  • Alex

    He’s the guy on that KFC buckets.

  • Khyron

    Will watching the movie will ruin reading the book later?

  • Poopfeast420

    mAke anothe rIndiana Jones movie

  • sepiajack

    I had no interest in Ender’s Game, but I actually thought Thor the Dark World was a really fun popcorn movie, had all the right ingredients for an escapist film. I also like Kat Dennings, but I can see if they find her grating then it would detract a lot.

    Still though, a great half in the bag as always!

    I wonder how far along Space Cop is? Can’t wait to see that when its done!! :D

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I like Kat Dennings when she’s not talking… :) *Ahem.* BOOBS.

  • sepiajack

    I really really liked Thor 2, my only 3 nitpicky little things are:

    1) I think they should have had the villains speak english. I normally applaud when scifi fantasy uses other languages, but Thor is so cheeseball and non-sensical anyways it wouldn’t have mattered, and I think the other language made the baddies a bit distant and less engaging. Eccelston can bring the intensity normally, but he was a little blander than he should have been, should have been a scenery chewing type baddie. mr. eko was pretty good as a CGI character though

    2) There’s no real ‘wow this is asgard!’ arrival/reveal moment for Portman when she gets there. I know the audience has already seen it, but it just felt like that was missing to me

    3) It seemed like the ‘Skaarsgard went crazy and naked at stone henge reveal got moved around a lot in editing, because that reveal sort of happens twice and I feel like originally he wasn’t supposed to show up until Kat dennings figured out where he was. I could be wrong about that though.

    But yeah, a really fun romp, super weird, good effects, lots of humor, the trailer didn’t give everything away.

    • Cameron Vale

      I liked that the villains didn’t speak English, Thor is indeed cheeseball but it’s not nonsensical, there is a logic to it that was benefited greatly by having the villains speak a creepy language while the Asgardians spoke plain English with a high-flown accent. In stark contrast to this was the high-tech Viking longboats, especially in one crucial scene that was probably meant to be somber and tragic.

  • Shant Joshi

    Mike seems to be out of his comfort zone. He’s definitely not drunk! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??!!…. …….. GET A BEER IN YOUR HAND duuude!

  • Jon

    That’s because Rich Evans likes to spend his time in the bathroom watching the Voyager episode Threshold on his Kindle Fire HDX 8.9″ Tablet available at Amazon now. You remember it was that episode where they went warp 10 or something and turned into some kind of weird lizards.

  • Alex Lee

    There’s just no way a sequel will be made, even if this movie did well because the whole Speaker for the Dead series doesn’t have much combat and is a lot of dialog. The Ender’s Shadow series has a better chance of making it on screen because of all the politics and harsher imagery, but then the story would have to revolve around Movie Bean, the reference speaker.

  • Cameron Vale

    That’s a shame, since sci-fi is built on crazy points of view. I strongly doubt that all of history’s greatest strategic minds were actually just coasting on the momentum produced by their childhood brilliance, but science fiction is fun precisely because it can include weird ideas like that.

  • Joseph Aland

    If there are sequels, I’m sure they’ll drop the Ender as an adult angle and make the events of those books concurrent with those of the Ender’s Shadow Series. I think that’s why they made space travel in this film more like that in Star Trek. In the books, it took centuries to travel any significant distance in space. In the film, it felt like you could zip around the cosmos and be home in time for dinner.

  • Now I Get It

    Lieluv Leela, ’cause I love competence porn.

  • G@BRIEL GR@Y

    Fantastic episode guys, laugh out loud funny.

  • Alex Three

    wrong chairs
    not ok

    • Strelnikov

      It’s symbolic for the inversion that happens at the ending.

  • Alex Lee

    Richards sucks? Isn’t that a good thing?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m just now getting this pun/reference.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “If it were easy, everyone would do it.” – Loki… about going quickly into a dark crevasse… transporting people to another world…

    • Cameron Vale

      “I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder, over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride, a whole new world… a new fantastic point of view… no one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we’re only dreaming…”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I knew Jay was growing his beard out for a reason.

  • Pingback: Thor: The Dark World (2013) « Sweet & Sour

  • Alex Lee

    Also, the other three books just don’t connect with the world established in Ender’s Game because it takes place thousands of years later.

  • Kidakor

    I’ve never told anyone not to read it, don’t twist my words.

    I only recommended to fire up your critical thinking engines and challenge old notions about the book, maybe with the help of the essay.

    And you can’t deny the economical realities of the situation, the LDS Church expects heavy monetary tributes from their members’ income and uses it to finance “gay-away” reeducation camps in which LBGT youths are psychologically (and regularly even physically) tortured to exorcise any sodomy, with high suicide rates.

    Anyone who thinks about picking up the book should do the moral thing and pirate it in some way so these monsters don’t see a single cent.

  • Strelnikov

    On the trope of “energy beam that shoots into the air”: Somebody saw “Raiders of the Lost Ark” too many times, thought the ending was “hella-cool” and put it into their movie. After that, a zillion hacks used it.

    The “planetary alignment” trope: Visually it was stolen from “2001: A Space Odyssey”; written mentions were ripped off from the New Age concept of “Harmonic Convergences”, when “everything is in balance” and crazy shit happens.

  • Paul Schumann

    You don’t know if Ford’s a classy guy? He has a gorram earring! Blech.

    • TapewormBike

      Legit

  • Alexander Thompson

    Dead Child humor? Really? Really guys? You should feel ashamed.

    I hope the next episode has more hookers.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Since it’s alluded in many episodes that Plinkett is REALLY fucking old, it’s safe to assume his grandson is probably 56 years old. Or maybe he’s 4…

      • Alex Lee

        I wonder if his 56 year-old grandson was the one playing in his basement and not even eating the sucker.

  • shameful

    wow. guys. first time in 3 years you done goofed. who are you. srsly. do you only watch fanboi star trek. how the fuck can you be scifi fans and rip on enders. so shameful.

    • TapewormBike

      Sorry it took me so long, but here is a translation: “Blah blah, booh booh meeh meeh yodontlikeamovieIlike mooo mooo fartsquirt”

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      dun goofed*

      u fekin’ elitterrat

  • cobrazombie

    Harrison Bored.

  • Wethewax

    If winning an Oscar is some kind of indication of quality, then please explain to me why Gwyneth Paltrow won an Oscar for Shakespeare In Love.

    • Christopher Kulik

      Because she got in drag and Hollywood (biased as ever) was IN LOVE with her at the time. Speaking as someone with a BA in literature, that movie is incredibly overrated; but of course the Academy would never honor an original, clever, unique masterpiece like PLEASANTVILLE because of how it fucks with people’s nostalgia.

      • Wethewax

        Dude, she’s overrated, the movie is just plain shit, that’s why I used them as an example of Oscars meaning nothing.
        Pay attention.

  • hoaxss

    Great episode. Can’t wait for more best of the worst too. Do the wheel.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Unless he edited his comment afterwards, it seems that what you just said was exactly what Alex Lee said, except for the part where you put words in his mouth [comment] about him saying it was because Petra was weak and/or female.

  • Code_R

    Did they really make Rich Evans go sit in the bathroom for the whole review?

    • Now I Get It

      I believe that Rich took to the bathroom by choice, to simulcast the new Game Station 2.0 reviews. Better acoustics. Plus, it’s just a fact that the older a man gets, the longer it takes him to live stream anything.

    • catnep
  • TapewormBike

    Do you know how many dead babies it takes to screw on a lightbulb? I do…

  • TapewormBike

    Seriously, this is better than Mona Lisa and way sexier.

  • Slaps2

    Every problem with this movie is also present in the book. Contrary to what a bunch of people who read Ender’s Game in middle school believe, the book is not a good book at all.

  • Pry Therch

    Except it’s not, it’s basically Atlas Shrugged for special little snowflake teenage boys who think they’re like Ender. Also Scott Card is a massive shit-stain and the book is basically a long winded argument in favour of his shitty views. And it isn’t even that well written, it’s basically Scott Card waving around his big shit stained underpants screaming “LOOK AT MY SHIT STAINED UNDERPANTS, AREN’T THE SKIDMARKS AWESOME!”

    • dswynne

      Nice trick there, but the message of “Ender’s Game” is, ironically, the opposite of Card’s political view IRL. Sir, you LOSE.

      • Christopher Kulik

        Whatever, still not interested in the book OR movie.

        • Mitchell Taco Nash

          But-but-but… ‘dswynne’ was trying SO hard to convince you to read the book when he replied to someone that wasn’t you to disprove a point they had made.

          Still, though, if you’re not interested in the book OR movie, may I recommend the video game, which has Ender being voiced by Gilbert Gottfried?

  • Private_Eyescream

    I read “Ender’s Game” about a month ago.

    Problems within the story is the isolation from the real world after the attack of “The Buggers”. Essentially the kid is hauled from one isolated home to another isolated Space Military School. For all we learn of Ender’s personal life is about the same feeling of moving a bunch of kids from one shipping container to the next through a small storm drain pipe. Granted the main character is 11 and thusly not too worldly, but to have ABSOLUTELY NONE of the other characters talk openly about “The Buggers” until nearly the end of the book is just retarded book writing and not very wise regarding human nature.

    The movie “STARSHIP TROOPERS” was more realistic than the book “Ender’s Game”.

    In the movie of “Starship Troopers”, the whole world was trained on their enemy bugs, they had interactive research, weapons testing, and the whole of society was being geared toward Human Species Survival at all costs rather than the severely retarded universe of “Ender’s Game” where actual video of the battles was TOP SECRET CLASSIFIED, information about “The Buggers” was TOP SECRET CLASSIFIED. The chain-reaction world-consuming weaponry is justifiably secret. Making an enemy which wiped out a huge chunk of the human population TOP SECRET is grounds for immediate hanging of all the military & politicians. Humans, as a species, don’t take a major self-extinction event lightly.

    In order for Ender Wiggin to appear smart in the book, all of human society has to become illogically secretive, contradictory to human psychological nature, and retarded.

    • Alex Lee

      I thought all the secrecy was like a 1984 thing, where the threat of buggers is as much a means of propaganda as it was an actual threat.

    • ident

      Card is a Mormon. That’s how the world looks to him.

  • Alex Lee

    It’s easy to get tired of Ender’s Game though because it’s just so PG when the hero’s struggle really isn’t in the first place.

  • Alex Lee

    It goes beyond editing though. it’s that the scenes themselves were never, ever going to become dark enough. A few kicks to the ribs and a few whacks with the thingamajig and we can assume Stlitson lives because he was put into a hospital, but the book makes it clear that he died later on. Same with Bonzo. He slips and falls in the shower; that happens to old people all the time. We see them performing surgery on him, and we can assume that he lives. These fights are a far cry from the book’s brutality.

    Now, I’m not saying that people who receive treatment will live, but when it’s the only information we have available, we kinda do jump to that conclusion, especially in the future with advanced medical technology.

  • stoopsmcoops

    With Benicio Del Toro as Jim Jarmusch.

    • TapewormBike

      I think Javier Bardem is playing Jim Jarmusch in “The Counselor”

  • Franklin Floratos

    I agree. I kind of liked ‘Thor 2′. I certainly didn’t walk out hating the movie and everyone involved. I actually liked the fact that the Dark Elves were actually technologically advanced and showed it. As much as I liked the first ‘Thor’ (which was quite a lot), the one thing that bothered me was the fact that the Asgardians had built huge skyscrapers and a dimensional bridge in the Bifrost and yet still insisted on eating Earth animals (though these may also be present on Asgard) and using fire to light buildings. Clearly they knew much better than that. The Dark Elves, in my view, regardless of how well or poorly portrayed they were, were what the Asgardians should have been: an advanced race that was aware of the technology it possessed and actually embraced it. But that’s just my view.

    • Hale

      I dunno. I think the Asgardians needed those little touches to still feel a little more Nordic and not too alien. Like the old fashioned mead hall, the designs, etc. Like the thing that kinda took me out of the first movie was that everything in Asgard looked a little too sci-fi, where as the second seemed to strike a much better balance between the ancient viking aesthetic and crazy Jack Kirby-inspired technology.

    • Ryebread

      I think the idea with the Asgardians is that they have hyper advanced technology like the bifrost but they chose to refer to it in mystical ways for cultural reasons. This particularly came through in the 2nd movie when Jane Foster asks how one of their imaging devices works and it’s something to do with quantum fields, and the Asgardian working the device confirms that that is how it works. So they have the same science as we do but they choose to obscure it beneath layers of mysticism for whatever reason.

  • Franklin Floratos

    True. For a while, though, particularly from the ROTS review onwards, it seemed the other way round.

  • Cameron Vale

    Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!

    • Christopher Kulik

      There was nothing political about his comment…

  • Cameron Vale

    I won’t remove her boobs from my cannon.

  • Jonah Falcon

    Mike, the word you’re looking for that’s the opposite of “classy” is “classless”. You’re welcome.

    • LelouchtheFilial

      Well, y’know… they were having an impromptu discussion and Mike used the wrong word. I’ll take a page out of Ned Flanders’s book and thank you, Jonah, for answering the question THAT NO ONE ASKED!

  • Hale

    Watch the video “The United States of Noooooo!” Pre-Plinkett Mike sounds soooo different from now. Though it could just be an age thing, since that video came out while Episode III was still in theaters.

  • Christopher Kulik

    I think we can all agree that Harrison Ford has come off as bored, stiff, and near-dead in most of his recent films….yet he was actually good in “42″ earlier this year. Not Oscar-worthy perhaps, but at least he brought some humanity and life to the role.

    • TapewormBike

      I have not seen that movie, is he supposed to be fatherly or something like that in it (I know it’s a baseball movie – Im not American throw stones at me for some other reason)?

  • Pulp

    For a second or two, I thought that the tattooed Gandhi was part of the Asgard staff.

  • TapewormBike

    Gavin Hood somehow gets bigger and bigger projects, despite “Tsotsi” being his only good movie. And he was replacement director on that one.

    • Alex Lee

      He’s an adequate director. Not great, and probably not all that deserving of big titles like The Wolverine, but out of that and Ender’s Game, he seems to know how to keep focus on the protagonist, His supporting characters and sometimes even antagonists feel fuzzy, but his protagonist has an arc, and I guess that’s good enough.

      Never saw Tsotsi, so I’m not sure if what I said applies to that.

      • TapewormBike

        I would not say that he is bad, but he seems to be shoehorned into these large studio projects to obey the execs. I think he might be good on some smaller stuff for sure. Check out Tsotsi, it’ kind of similar to City of God (and if there ever was a compliment, that was it).

  • TapewormBike

    It’s not that bad and for the demograpgic that reads it, it’s written well. But it has been surpassed by many others, I do not think that the word “classic” can be applied here for sure. Plus, you know, really stupid author.

  • Alex Lee

    I thought it was an extension of the Cold War. There was no sign that the Cold War would ever end, and it was just such a surprise when it did, which is part of the reason why Russia doesn’t like the U.S. now.

  • Alex Lee

    That’s true, they did, it’s just that so little time was actually spent in the battle room, so we never really got a feel for the importance of the game, which is the main environment of the conflict for most of the story.

  • Mijk

    Has Rich Evans already bought a PS4? Why isn’t he in the Game Station, right now?

    • Showbiz Pizza Bear

      Sorry to be the…bearer….of bad news but Rich Evans is dead. He died in the back room of a comic book store. Apparently he was shot by some kind of phaser weapon.

      • Thanatos2k

        Actually, that was Space Cop.

      • sepiajack

        That bear is so creepy.

  • Ábel Varga

    Actually, this is not Prometheus… It’s more like StarTrek 2009. Red goo destroying worlds, dark elves with one big ship? Kinda romulans with their big ship and red goo which also destoys worlds :)

  • Ábel Varga

    Well, yeah… One would think if something is hidden, because it could kill all, you would close the f*ing box you use to contain the threat.. :D

  • Now I Get It

    Oh, I’m so glad it’s beautiful to listen to, because I’m sure it’s shit to look at.

  • TapewormBike

    I hope for those special episodes and they never come. Like an episode where they are just sitting on a floor, playing with Transformers. The one where they play Resident Evil games. And the one where they murder people and say the N word a lot.

  • Khyron

    I get started on the book then good sir

    • Alex Lee

      You know, when I first read the book, I kept thinking that the Bugger ships looked like Zentraedi ships.

  • TapewormBike

    I have a soft spot for sport movies, so I am gonna definitely check that out. My original point was gonna be, that “the grumpy dad” is now Fords default setting and I do not see it being compatable with Han Solo. Nor do I want to imagine him doing it with Carrie Fisher – the word “boning” gets suddenly all too literal…

  • TapewormBike

    Jay might. He’s necrophiliac like that.

  • Nick

    Search “best science fiction books of all time” on any search engine, and you’ll find Enders Game on top 10, 25, and 50 lists all over the place from readers choices, critics, and reviewers alike. So, I’d say your view is in the minority, but I’ll respect your opinion. Nothing resonates 100 percent with all audiences, this novel included. Part of it may be that Enders Game focuses more on a coming of age story and character development than the building of a plausible world that normally is associated with good sci-fi.

  • beavinator

    Am I the only one who thinks Loki looks kind of like Tommy Wiseau…?

  • Poopfeast420

    its hard to be disappointed if you’ve seen the first one

  • TapewormBike

    That was a great comment, love it, more like that! Do not dare to disagree people, Ima jenius! My grandson died!:)

  • TapewormBike

    I reckon you fancy a Dick, then?

    • dextromethorphan

      I most certainly do. Once you get a taste, there’s just no substitute.

      • TapewormBike

        Well, as long as its ol’ Phillip K., I am in as well. Although, to your original post, while (the original) Total Recall and Minority Report are not good adaptations, I still really like both of those movies. They take just the basic “wrong man” idea mixed with general paranoia from the stories and build very solid action movies, indicative of their directors style and talent. They are both a move towards a story with much more broad appeal and dumbing down, but hey, neither of those is “I, Robot”, which actually was not even written as Asimov adaptation (and I kinda like it as well). Heck, Blade Runner is not that good of an adaptation, but really fucking great movie. For my money, A Scanner Darkly takes the prize for being the best adaptation of P.K. Dick novel, with its style somehow evocative of the creepy disjointed feeling you have reading the original.

    • sepiajack

      Dick the birthday boy?

      • TapewormBike

        Dick the dead boy in this case. Sigh.

  • TapewormBike

    17:29 (or -11:36) for Mike Stoklasa Road Runner

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      I found it at 17:27 [17:29 it's already gone by], but not 11:36.

      • TapewormBike

        Yeah, I am pretty bad with time stamping, thanks for correcting it. Someone does need to do a redub of the cartoon, though, right?

  • sepiajack

    I have recently changed my opinion about book to movie translations, perhaps it’s just because I’m nearly finished my own first novel so I might be biased, but I look at it this way:

    I loved The Golden Compass (His Dark Materials trilogy) books, but the movie was terrible. But for 2 months after the movie came out, every time I got on the subway I saw dozens of people reading the books. The reality is most successful authors still make very little money from the books themselves, movie rights are where the really money is at, and if you view the movies as just a big commercial for the book, they are certainly effective. If it keeps a good writer (and I’m not saying Card is or isn’t as I’ve never read Enders) able to keep writing and avoid a soul sucking day job (the hell I am currently trapped in) then its all good to me, regardless of the movie quality. And there are the rare exceptions like Lord of the Rings, Fight Club, Harry Potter and Game of Thrones were the adaptions are really good, or the even rarer beast like Bourne Identity where the movie is actually vastly superior to the book.

    • TapewormBike

      I am not generally opposed to adaptations and you pointed out just a few very good examples. Also, Godfather anybody? I do get pissed off though, when the adaptations are put through the exec meat grinder and come out a grey tasteless sludge of tried and true plots and movie stars phoing it in. You can think whatever you want about Alan Moore, but making pretty rare move against his art being bumfucked royally, is admirable in my eyes. And yes, I like Watchmen, but I feel that as opposed to your example of people reading Pullmann after seeing the movie, you kinda have to already know Watchmen, to really like Watchmen (plus, just about all the commentary on the medium itself, which was almost the main point of it, is lost. And Hallelujah banging happens).

      Adaptation, that does what it’s supposed to do, which is adapting -changing to suit the new environment – is at least ok, as long as the source material was worth adapting. But now it’s all just a hunt for at least slightly recognizable brand, in hopes of building a franchise. Oh and let us not forget the main lesson here, dearies – fuck O. Scott Card up the ass.

      • sepiajack

        I completely agree, and you’re one of the few to understand the innate problem about making a Watchmen movie, which is its a a comicbook ABOUT comicbooks, so in any other medium it loses its core essence.

        I actually wasn’t much a fan of the movie because Snyder always has to fetishize the violence and make his movies mean spirited, mysognistic and homophobic, which is not the case with the comic which if anything is anti-violence.

        I do think the V for Vendetta adaptation is quite amazing though, and I even like the changes they made.

        Anyways all I know is that once my book is done, if my friend who is a budding movie producer can get some studio to write me a fat cheque which ensures I can spend the rest of my days writing books and not working in an insurance office I will gladly let any hollywood exec do what they want with the movie, provided they leave me and the books themselves alone. Its a big win-win for the author, you get paid, and inevitably the most common comment everyone makes is “well its not as good as the book” which must be nice for the ego.
        I wish the whole industry didn’t work like that, and would prefer a world filled with great book to movie translations though.

        • TapewormBike

          Well said and all power to you with your projects. I sincerely hope you will be able to sell out:)

          • sepiajack

            Thanks Tapeworm! I do too, now that I have a taste for writing it’s very hard for me to imagine doing anything else, but we all have to pay the bills some how. I’ll be sure to come on here and shamelessly plug it once I’m done, I’m hoping to have it ready for sale by July or August 2014.

          • sepiajack

            Maybe by then RLM will have some sort of book review program and then they can tell me everything I did wrong :p

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        Imagine how great Watchmen could have been in the right hands, someone who KNEW how to translate the main points of the film onto the screen instead of just panel-by-panel?

        That would have been an amazing experience… a great cinematic accomplishment.

        • TapewormBike

          Could not type “sigh” fast enough

  • Findo Gask

    I read Ender’s Game a few years back, and greatly enjoyed it. It is very much about the psychological trauma of war and training for war. Because of this, I didn’t bother with the movie, as books that take place mainly in a language of thought and emotion do not translate well into movies.

  • Ryebread

    I really liked Ender’s Game but I can concede that this review is relatively fair if the audience is people who haven’t read the book. I do wish though they would check some of these details they report with other people who have seen the movie. For example, Mike is completely wrong that the Zero-G game was not explained. It is explained in detail by one of the officers. If the movie was too boring for him to pay attention to that, then that is fair but in that case he owes it to his viewers to pose it as a question; eg, “Did they explain that game? Maybe I missed it cuz I wasn’t paying attention.”

    As someone who did read the book, I think the movie works great as a sort of visual companion. It follows the plot of the book closely enough that you’re not constantly distracted by the changes. There were even several points where I found myself thinking “wow, I can’t believe they worked that in”. It’s possible that they followed the book too closely for a general audience to really connect with it.

    • ident

      I read the book and that game made no fucking sense.

    • Alex Lee

      Well, no, they didn’t follow the book too closely. The (understandable) omission of Locke and Demosthenes essentially nullifies Peter and Valentine as characters.

      Bean is another character that doesn’t stand up on his own in the movie. His most important lines are book references: “Not one damn bean.” “The enemy’s gate is down.” “Shoot me in the leg.” The problem is that he doesn’t stand on his own as a character in the movie. We never get a sense that Bean was an especially capable guy who also thinks outside the box. The way the movie shows the cables implies that it’s standard issue when they aren’t.

      Ali is also ruined in the movie because Bean took most of his lines. Also, the “Salaam alaikum” were the symbol of their friendship, and when he said “Alas, it was not to be,” that was the moment that Ender’s friendships were sundered, which made it all the more moving when they are reunited at the end. In the movie, he just says it because he’s the muslim kid; there’s no setup for it.

      Jay is completely right in saying that they took the literal actions in the book without examining the importance of it. He is also right in that there’s no bite to this movie in failing to properly acknowledge the dark themes and concepts in the story. So, while I agree that they followed the story to the best of their ability with the time, money, and demographic available to them, it’s pretty obvious they did not follow the book closely.

    • Dooya Evanlift

      I both read the book and really liked the movie also. Jay and Endless Mike are always pining for a serious sci-fi movie, one comes a long and they pan it?

  • Percy Gryce

    Wheel of the Worst # 3 is coming soon. And I think someone lands on Tree Stand Safety. Or something.

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151790212202634&l=0baeabe7cb

    • Christopher Kulik

      I always knew it would be a dull fust despite that cover; rather they watch the Shoji Tobuchi show. :)

  • Peon

    Normally, I would try to be some monumental jerky wise ass, and manufacture some borderline insulting, and self-deprecating, comment about your review, or the movies therein……..but I fell asleep until the end…..and somehow I was awake…..that’s odd…..nevermind. Meanwhile, in a cooler dimension, Plinkett is still always funnier than you 2 (that’s sort of the point, I guess), and it’s humorous you should say that the Collector teaser was boring. Because my friends, the Elders of the Universe is where the cosmic elements of Marvel really start to get interesting…….if they don’t hump the dog with them.

  • Pixelsmack

    I have the sudden urge to paint my bedroom with Glidden paint, and use a Home Depot bucket to hold the paint, and for some reason make sure I use Sylvannia lighting to ensure an even coat. I will use my trusty Panasonic camera to record my achievement. Don’t worry if my camcorder’s lens sticks, I’ll use my trusty WD-40 to get her right again!

    • Duckler

      I have a sudden urge to ignore others as children drown.

  • Wethewax

    No, “fuck”, you didn’t understand what I wrote, and you obviously like to be patronising, so fuck you too, you fuck.

    • TapewormBike

      Do not badmouth the Oscars – how else would we find out that Kirk Douglas is still alive?. Oh wait, where are my manners (but then, I do not have a BA in literature)….fuck.

  • stryker1121

    Saw Thor yesterday and was pleasantly surprised. Lighter than Mr. Shakespeare’s entry and seemed to wink at its own ridiculousness. It’s far from perfect- some of the dialogue is stilted and cliche-ridden while the chemistry between Hemsworth and Portman is still virtually non-existent. But the movie’s big dumb fun with some good action and genuine laughs here and there.

  • TapewormBike

    What exactly is the downvote about? The man stated his opinions and did not say a single bad word about RLM. Grow up downoty person.

    • Showbiz Pizza Bear

      Stan Lee signed on.

      • TapewormBike

        Well, his grand grandson did for him, at least. One wonders what porn search brought him here.

  • ident

    In this case, RLM is aligned with the rest of the critics so you need to take this crusade to the world. Also, as Harrison Ford’s agent, what’s it like to work with a mummified corpse?

  • TISHE

    Haunted House 2 trailer out now!

    • TapewormBike

      (coughs out blood)

      • LelouchtheFilial

        WHAT?! You’re kidding. I… I’m afraid to look it up.

      • TISHE

        Starring Marlon Wayans, and farts!

        • TapewormBike

          Of those too, it is very easy to say, who is funnier.

  • Adam Dworsky

    This is so brilliant it’s like poetry

  • TapewormBike

    True. In the 80s it would have to be from Mercury.

    • Duckler

      Coked-up aliens with awesome mustaches?

      • Now I Get It

        An awesome mustache over a wolf’s mouth, hanging upside down and naked from a chandelier to eat pancetta rentboys on his birthday. T’was, indeed, a dark world.

  • TapewormBike

    All true. And I literally had to give money to like three charities on the street, because I worried about downvotes. I do not mind getting them actually, it usually assures me that I said something worth saying. Sometimes I call it the “butthurt counter”.

    • TapewormBike

      I also call that the place where the cashier takes my money in my favourite S&M shop.

    • Now I Get It

      And here I’ve been upvoting you like a damn tool. I’m so sorry. I promise I’m going to report all your posts from now on to make up for it.

      • TapewormBike

        He likes me! He likes me!

        • Now I Get It

          Happy (belated) 600th comment, you industrious bastard.

          • TapewormBike

            Well, we might have different definitions of the word “industrious”

          • Now I Get It

            It depends. If, by “industrious”, you mean that you supervise a sweat shop of escaped gag writers from the set of “Voroniny”, who write all your posts, but that you’re still answerable to Oldrich Lipsky and Milos Macourek , whose mummified corpses are the silent partners behind your company’s board of directors, then, no, we actually have the same definition.

            BTW, you’ve only posted 45 or 50 times in the last six days. Just what the fuck is going on in that sweat shop of yours, anyway?

          • TapewormBike

            How do you even know those guys (and my childhood by proxy)? Also, get your ass to the new Best of the Worst!

          • Now I Get It

            Oh, fuh me! I always miss it.

          • Now I Get It

            “Voroniny” came via the documentary “Exporting Raymond”, but “those guys” I had to look up after I remembered “Six Bears and a Clown”, a film from my own childhood.

  • Anthony Pagliaro III
  • ident

    It’s like Quidditch. Yeah, there are rules. But the rules only make it stupider.

  • TapewormBike

    Ok, I am a bit of a gambler, so I bet two dollars and a handjob, that the next Half in the Bag will include Hunger Games 2. I am also a citizen of the Czech Republic and today on the subway I saw, that in here, the full title is “Hunger Games: Murderous Vengeance”, which probably says something about the czech nature. But then Alex Proyas’ “Dark City” was in here promoted as “Crossbones”. Yeah.

  • Alex Lee

    And people thought Star Trek fans were bad.

  • Percy Gryce

    While we’re all waiting here so patiently, one little question occurred to me:

    When’s the next The Begun of Tigtone?

  • Khyron

    this is just…. fucking gold

  • Alex Lee

    Rereading it, you’re right about it. It’s just that the movie felt too PG when certain scenes were just meant to be R rated. Now, I understand why the fight scenes are clean, but it has the result of being toothless. Bonzo loses the fight cause he had a slip and fall. That’s just anti-climatic for the main conflict in the second act.

    And really, why was Bernard even in this movie? He was nothing special, he wasn’t really a friend, and the only thing is does is tease Ender a little.

  • Christopher Kulik

    Of course Mike is losing weight: he’s gotta a girlfriend. :)

  • TapewormBike

    Sounds horrible. I must say, I actually never experienced that bad of a crowd, the worst thing that happened to me in the cinema, was unknowingly slurping someone elses coke. Yuck. For them, I mean.

    • Christopher Kulik

      I should have known better considering the huge fan base, thought they would be more mature than TWILIGHT crowd…

      • TapewormBike

        Well, I suspect at least some overlap with those crowds.

        • ident

          I suspect they are the same crowd and in their hearts they call Katniss Bella.

          • TapewormBike

            The producers definitely are.

  • Billy Nunez

    DO YOU REMEMBER THAT *EXCESSIVE FINGER WAVING*

  • Dixon Bawls

    best ending ever.

  • Alex Maskill

    What’s actually kind of funny is that Natalie Portman is a pretty accomplished scientist.

    • ident

      Hilarious.

  • Memoman

    It’s true that he is the Marvel Superman, infused with norse mythology. However this movies at least tries humour, heroism and cleverness.

  • Eric Monaghan

    you mean “jay and mike constantly refer to aliens as magical elves”. Noobs

  • mattofsmeg

    Ok it’s been a month now…

    • Duckler

      ..Since all of the new, free content?

      • mattofsmeg

        That post was from 19 days ago bro

  • Jean-François Martel

    Boo! Natalie Portman is a great actress!

    • TapewormBike

      Pics or it didn’t happen.

      • Guest

        you!

        • TapewormBike

          Pretty exact, just a cock missing in my mouth. Oh well.

  • john o

    I love love love you guys! Keep up the fantastic work

  • Duckler

    These were actual movies – Posted for the convenience of those reading this in 2019.

  • Dara Crawley

    Natalie Portman’s character is more of a tool to represent Thor being torn between Midgard and Asgard…which I honestly wished they’d had either done that or gone straight Thor adventure. Anywho, she kind of exists to be the thing that Thor wants, but can never have. In the comics he tries to be with her, but ultimately she loses her memory and he realizes she will always be in harms way. However he does begin a relationship with Sif. The struggle between one world and the other would have been interesting. Dark world wasn’t a bad movie, it’s enjoyable and better than the first Thor, but it’s a mash up of three or so different stories

  • SkaMP

    brilliant xD

  • Tree Rock Creations

    Yeah, Harrison Ford reminded me of a steam engine that was out of steam. He almost caused me to fall asleep in the theater.

  • Thraggdrasil

    Enders Game is a movie you watch either right before, or right after…. probably more right after reading the book, or listening to the audiobook. The book is awesome, and the movie is basically animated scenes picked straight from it. If I didn’t listen to the book, I think i would have really disliked the movie, not many parts would have made sense to me.

  • nelsonsmith

    Somehow I doubt that the powers that be picked up Ender’s Game as a franchise, considering that the 2nd and 3rd book of the series primarily deal with people of color in the lead roles.

  • Charli Erickson

    I pinpointed finally why I don’t like these half in the bag reviews. They always completely ignore the weight of the plot developments and the emotional meaning. Breakdown of the physical and story elements is interesting, but that’s only half the movie (maybe less) and ignoring the other half doesn’t give you a solid platform to judge the movie bad or good from. I’ll continue watching Plinkett, but I respectfully resign from half in the bag here.

    • Providence

      Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. They don’t ignore emotional meaning, these movies are just too convoluted and shitty to get a grasp on what those meanings even are. If a movie fails at delivering an emotional meaning, how are you supposed to judge the movie on it?

    • Rolf Sæmundsson

      Yeah your post doesn’t make sense to me.

    • Dash Faster

      So you liked Ender’s Game, I take it? You know you can disagree with them and still have your own opinion. If you are certain of yours, then theirs won’t effect it one bit.

      If you’re not, then every nagging doubt you have is going to stick in your mind like a dagger when you hear them talk about flaws that you ignored.

      There’s also nothing wrong with liking something they don’t like. Opinions are subjective.

      That said, they’re right and you aren’t.

  • Josh

    The problem with the Ender’s Game movie is that it omits almost everything that was in the book. Fully 80-90 percent of the book is the games at the battle school and most of that stuff is missing in the movie. Which is why it seems like one minute Ender is a newbie and the next he is in command for no reason and is why a lot of the movie is hard to fallow and confusing if you haven’t read the book. All the development and progression both as a person and as a commander that Ender goes through in the book while he is at battle school is missing in the movie. Also an entire sub plot about Ender’s sister and his brother is completely omitted from the movie. Personally I think even trying to make Ender’s Game a movie was a mistake anyway. It just isn’t the type of material that is suited for it. The book series is about Ender and who he is and who he becomes and uses it to explore human nature it self. (The omitted sub plot I mentioned explores these concepts a great deal as well) The stuff with the aliens is just the context in which all that happens. It’s not the main point or story of the books.

    • Dash Faster

      I disagree completely. I think it stuck entirely too close to the source material. The training was the entire movie, but it happened so fast, we didn’t have time to see Ender grow as a character. There was no time for side characters, so everyone like Bean is introduced and then tossed aside until the end where they can call back to them despite never really establishing any of the ancillary characters.

      You pretty much have to have read the book to understand the film’s subtext and the outlying details. So yeah, they left stuff out, but they also stuck way too close to the source material in many places, without bothering to provide the subtext for it.

      We didn’t necessarily need the plotline with his brother and sister (especially because they never did anything with those characters), but that could have given the movie an emotional core that it completely lacked. It might have worked better to have the first 1/4th of the movie set up the world more and the characters before accelerating off to battle school.

      • Alex Lee

        Jay said it best, “They put in the action parts of the book without examining the dramatic elements of it.” That’s the fundamental problem with the movie. We don’t get to feel Ender’s loneliness, the pressure he’s under, or his attempts to find comraderie in a place that’s entirely focused on making sure he has none because of how brisk the pace is.

        Maybe if it was half of the book and it ends with him becoming leader of Dragon army, it might have worked better since we would actually see him make friends and deal with incompetent commanders first instead of montaging its way through.

      • Anthony D.

        “I disagree completely. I think it stuck entirely too close to the source material. The training was the entire movie, but it happened so fast, we didn’t have time to see Ender grow as a character. There was no time for side characters, so everyone like Bean is introduced and then tossed aside until the end where they can call back to them despite never really establishing any of the ancillary characters.”

        This paragraph is a complete contradiction. You say they stuck too close to the book and then go on to say that they didn’t leave any time in the film to establish side characters like Bean. That is literally the opposite of what the book does, meaning the book absolutely takes the time to develop the supporting characters. The film was nowhere near faithful enough to the source material. It was rushed, lazy, glossed over the most important elements of the story (Ender’s training and isolation, his relationship with his siblings, his relationship with his friends, where some of those friends even come from in the first place). The source material is, of course, unfilmmable though (which is something that has been said about it for years) so making any Ender’s Game film is misguided right from the start.

        • Alex Lee

          I think it could be done with soliloquy lines interspersed throughout the entire story to show us Ender’s thought process. I agree that it’s a pretty sloppy way of showing emotions, but the story requires us to see him as a super-perceptive genius, so it’s necessary. This is noticeable in the book because it’s written in 3rd person limited, but there’s Ender’s commentary about what’s going on around him, like with Bonzo.

          It can even be as short as one word like, “useful” or “now” or “shit” narrated in the middle of dialog. Something to show us that he’s thinking a step ahead.

        • Dash Faster

          The book develops the characters better, but the movie introduced them. It bothered to mention Petra, Bean, and a few of the other big ones. It hit all the major plot points from the book, it just left out all the detail and fluff that made it interesting. I stand by my original statement.

          I think they could make a successful movie from it, but it would have had to depart much further from the source material to do so.

          For example: they could have simplified his relationship with all the other battle school kids down to one character like Bean, and then made their relationship a larger part of Ender’s overall arch as a character . Or, alternatively, they could have made Peter and Valentine more important. Again, even though Peter and Val are barely in the movie, they ARE there. The screenwriters put them in the movie because they were a plot point from the book. They didn’t seem to understand the wider implication of not including any characterization for them, or they didn’t think it would work in the context of the film.

          Again, I stand by what I said. They stuck close to the source material in terms of major plot points and action stuff, but they left out nearly everything that fills in the detail and makes it interesting.

          • Anthony D.

            Hitting all the major plot points but leaving out the detail is exactly what the film did, which is why the film was awful. You can stick by your original statement but that doesn’t make it right. The film robbed the story of the detail that makes it so compelling in the first place. The fact that something is “there” doesn’t mean anything if it isn’t developed properly. Sure they were all there but who cares? That’s the point. Without the context and character development they may as well not be there. In the movie we have no reason to care about any of those people and it robs the finale of its emotional weight.

            Condensing the supporting players into one character wouldn’t work either because the things Ender takes from each friendship are different based on the contexts of those friendships. Alai, Petra, Dink, Bean, Bonzo, etc. all have different effects on him so how could they be condensed? There’s is no way to do this story justice on screen in a single movie. Maybe a television miniseries on HBO would be able to get it right because it wouldn’t have to cut anything out and wouldn’t have to downplay the brutal violence to earn a PG-13 rating for the Twilight fans.

            So I’ll repeat: They did not stick to the source material, they took the skeleton of the book and slapped it on screen with no care towards what makes Ender’s Game a story worth telling. That isn’t sticking to the source material. If Ender’s Game (the book) had been a vapid, superficial YA novel like Twilight or Divergent then yeah, I would be agreeing with you completely right now. Sticking to the source material isn’t just throwing characters and events into the script to “just have them there.” Sticking to the source material is adapting both the events and the meaning/themes/emotion/reason for telling the story in the first place. It’s why this movie was awful and an adaptation like Game of Thrones succeeds. Game of Thrones cut things out but retained the things that make the story meaningful. Again, though, that just proves my point that the story would be easier to adapt as an HBO miniseries and not a cheap cash-in from the same studio that made the Twilight films.

            The only solace for fans of the novel is that the film was a total flop, so at least the makers of the film didn’t get what they wanted.

  • http://ima420r.com Bryon Bougie

    The book was awesome. The movie has nothing except the basics of the book and is a complete fail. If they had at least shown Ender’s brother and sister on Earth, doing their political stuff on what was very much todays internet, the movie might have been better. Plus I thought the book did a better job hiding the ending until the end.

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