Half in the Bag: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

April 9, 2014787 Comments

Mike and Jay see the latest Marvel blockbuster, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and are then challenged by Mr. Plinkett to remember the plots of this endless onslaught of superhero movies.


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Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Jerry Jackson

    Whoot!

  • Lizzie

    Yes.

  • Stannis the Menace

    Just as I was about to open a bag of chocolate chips. Redlettermedia and obesity go hand in hand.

  • Declan A

    No ads yet? But how do I support you

    • bob665

      purchase there stuff it’s more interactive support and more costly

  • Charles Cohen

    WE NEED ANSWERS!
    NO?
    GET THE FUCK OUT!
    THE FUCK OUT RECH! :D

  • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

    HYDRA sucks.. Hail AIM!!!

  • http://faddlechud.tumblr.com/ Faddlechud

    Slacking at my job watching two VCR repairmen assholes slacking at theirs. It’s the circle of slack.

  • Squint

    Loved the movie and amped me up to the SHIELD TV show. Haven’t seen yesterday’s episode yet but I hear it’s actually playing along with the movie’s going ons.

    • Percy Gryce

      I haven’t seen the movie yet and so now I can’t watch the TV show either.

      • Squint

        Watched the last episode and although you can watch it and probably not be really lost with the story, but it will spoil the movie. So… it’s up to you. I’d see the movie first, but if you don’t care about seeing it, go for it and watch the show.

  • bob665

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a simple movie. Good guy bad guy
    sometimes that’s all you need. Whenever a superhero movie actually goes beyond
    that I think it’s bad like Superman. Just because you can tackle a larger issue
    doesn’t mean you should.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/TwiIight0ne Muscle Hedonist

      I don’t think Man of Steel even really did that. At one point, Superman just casually commits genocide in the midst of explosion, death and destruction. He destroys the Kryptonian baby chamber after about 0.5 seconds of consideration. What was that even supposed to be about.

      • http://solo4357.blogspot.com/ Solo4357

        If Jor-El believes that Krypton had it’s chance, why is he putting the codex in baby Superman? If Zod wants to rebuild Krypton, shouldn’t Jor-el have been trying to stop the codex from being released since they are supposed to be at odds? What’s happening in this movie? Who’s been fucking with my medicine?

    • Pablo Martinez

      Man of steel was a simple movie, it TRIED to be something else. That’s why it comes off as a pretentious movie, and a plot-less one also. It makes cop-dog feel like cop-out.

  • Willie Simpson

    I’m happy that the Marvel movies are mostly good but I wished they sucked so Jay and Mike could make fun of them more.

  • Dane Winton

    At the end all I could think is “Holy crap, there is a metric fuckton of comic-book movies”

  • Michael Aronson

    Best HITB episode?

  • luke taylor

    haha…they cut in a few frames of the goofy old cap giving the thumbs up in the trailer at 21:27 Tyler Durden style

  • JohnBigbooty

    Great HITB. I liked the new disconnected Rich’s voice feature.

    • Thanatos2k

      Rich was yelling from over on the Best of the Worst set where he’s been standing motionless in the background for 9 days.

  • Jerry Jackson

    Match Game music FTW

  • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

    Barb Wire.

    • shanebroughton

      Bewbs!

      • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

        Correct!

    • Percy Gryce

      I was just thinking about Barb Wire as a Casablanca rip-off. You know a movie is bad when it had Pam Anderson, topless, at the height of her popularity, and it still tanked.

      • shanebroughton

        Hmmmm I need to watch it again. Only saw it once on cable years ago.

      • ident

        An accurate demonstration of just how high that “height” was.

      • Cameron Vale

        Also, Catwoman is a rip-off of The Mask.

  • Percy Gryce

    Whole review is spoilers? Damn, I may have to tune out until CA:TWS hits DVD.

  • Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    The best thing about this movie is how they make Black Widow a likable character.

    Any movie that makes Black Widow likable deserves a thumbs up from me.

    • dollar store cashier wife

      too bad scar jo can’t act for shit tho.

      • Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

        I think she did a good as Black Widow IMO.

        • dollar store cashier wife

          the writting for her definitely improved.too bad i can’t feel that way about her performances.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            She reminds me of Mila Jovovich in the Resident Evil review, where every shot of her face is the same expression. She’s too reliant on her looks to carry her through a performance.

  • killermicrobe

    Am I the only one who feels like there’s a Pinkett review coming soon, or am I going insane?

    • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

      I sense something, a presence I’ve not felt since…just before the Titanic review.

    • Captain Turbo

      The answer to both questions is yes.

    • ident

      This is how superstitions get started. Pretty soon we’re going to have “The Plinkett Delusion” by Richard Evans.

      • LelouchtheFilial

        Richard Evans raises some valid points, but he goes a little too far in assuming that a world completely without Mr. Plinkett will solve every problem.

        • ident

          Richardevans wasn’t trying to convince anyone that the belief that more Plinkett reviews are coming is the source of all the worlds problems. Richardevans is only making the point that if the world gave up this belief, there would be less heart break, fewer work hours wasted on continual refreshes, and fewer spousal murder-suicides. Letting go of Plinkett will make the world a better place, but not a perfect one.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            But, sometimes, the world needs a Mr. Plinkett to believe in and…

            Wait, wait, wait– we’re not really talking about Mr. Plinkett right now, are we? We’re talking about…

            ???
            !!!
            Well, uhhh.
            *Gets hat from hanger.*
            God-a run. I mean GOTTA run. GOTTA run is what I meant.

      • Striker, Ted

        “I am not Plinkett” by Richard Evans

        • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

          Followed up by “I Am Plinkett” by Richard Evans.

          • Graceless

            Culminating in “If I Was Plinkett” the film based on the controversial memoir by Richard Evans

    • diehounderdoggen

      Correct!

    • Dr. Blake Downs

      I think you are right. My prediction is once all the old Plinkett reviews are on Youtube, we will see a new one shortly after.

  • http://solo4357.blogspot.com/ Solo4357

    I could watch the game show for another 20 minutes. Which is not nearly enough time to get in all the damn superhero movies. Even at the lightning round pace it ended with.

  • LelouchtheFilial

    “You may have been confused because Hugh Jackman was in both movie.”

    Shit, judging from their ‘Wolverine’ review, it’s clear that Mike forgot who Hugh Jackman even is.

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      He really only remembers Kirsten Dunst because, well you know….

  • Peter Rivest

    I don’t know about the comics but as far as the movies are concerned it appears he’s a “soldier” in every sense. He kills… quite a lot. He has no dumb ass “no kill” policy which results in the deaths of thousands later on. He used guns quite a bit in the first one and a little in Avengers. He knocks guys to their obvious deaths. But he does knock guys out when he can.

    • Guest

      He’s policy is more “Try not to kill”, but he has killed in comic, he even decapitated a guy with his shield once.

    • Pablo Martinez

      His policy is “try not to kill”. He makes helicopters with terrorist inside explode on a daily basis. He even decapitated a guy once, but I don’t remember the circumstances (I think it was turning into a vampire or something).

    • Cameron Vale

      Even if it’s different in the comics, I’m sure that Cap has been passed around to a lot of writers, and that some of them were not very good. So some canon damage may have occurred, but I’m sure they won’t carry it over to the movies.

  • Mark Bisone

    Mike’s Steve Brule impression is impeccable.

  • http://solo4357.blogspot.com/ Solo4357

    “Who Jackman”, amirite? Huh? Huh? Ahhhhh fuck it.

  • KonradZell

    I always get a bit of a chub going whenever Mike curses…

  • phillipkslick

    Why not recommend it to young kids? Most of us 30somethings saw Robocop as young (under 12 y/o) kids and we loved it and it no negative effects.

    • Percy Gryce

      “No negative effects”? We’re all here at RLM, aren’t we?

      • LelouchtheFilial

        I’m here because my father got me hooked on RLM.
        Needless to say, CPS took care of matters from there.

    • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

      Are you kidding? I am permanently scarred from some of the R-rated films my parents watched when I was little! Those movies are the cause of everything that went wrong in my life!

      • phillipkslick

        I saw Robocop, Hellraiser, American, Evil Dead 1 and 2, Werewolf in L…basically every 80′s horror movie, and action film as a little kid and it did nothing but make me want to be creative. Most people I know who are in my age group saw those movies as kids too.

        • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

          As an adult I can acknowledge the creativity in those sort of films, and the hard work that went into making some of them. On the other hand some “nasty” films just seem to revel in the gore or violence or whatever. They come off as immature.

          I’m hard set against my kids seeing something like Robocop or The Exorcist until they’re at least 12 or so. I vividly remember the negative feelings and sleepless nights after seeing them. The kids will have plenty of time to indulge in those movies when they’re older if they choose to. No need to scar them when they’re little!

          • ident

            I routinely watched slasher movies and R movies as a child. I had nightmares but mortal terror builds character, as my dear mother told me through the door of her bedroom which she kept locked so I couldn’t sleep with her. Child abuse aside, kids, no different than adults, have different thresholds and some can take violence and horror and some can’t.

          • phillipkslick

            Yeah, there’s a difference in films, like I never got the whole slasher film thing, or the love of Saw and movies of the like. I still don’t see how horror like Feast can scar a child, they’re movies about silly monsters. It’s not like I endorse children watching the life and times of Charles Manson or Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer.

            I think the more fantastic elements make a big difference, also, letting kids see the behind the scenes, effects work makes a big difference. I never was afraid of Alien because my mother made sure I knew the basics of how the effects were done, same with other horror. Back when we were young it was harder to do, but now every blu ray and most dvds come with special effects specials.

  • Alex

    holy fuck, the 30min are already over °_° that felt like a really short HIB

  • strand0410

    Holy shit, I totally did not notice the ‘Carjacking Cap’ joke. And boy do I hope that was an intentional reference.

    • David

      Hey! Cody Hackins, I got that (visual) reference. :P

  • Mark Bisone

    So, the Winter Soldier is that whatsisname guy, right? Ned Snowman?

    You know, that guy all the TV people say is a traitor.

    • LelouchtheFilial

      Ohhhh, you mean Edward Cullen.

      • Mark Bisone

        Correct.

        • LelouchtheFilial

          This is significantly LESS creepy than the unaltered image.
          Great work!

    • Percy Gryce

      Hollywood already made a movie about that:

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      Wouldn’t Romanov be Ned Snowman, since she likes file sharing?

      Or is that Chelsea Namming?

  • Wasperheimer

    Random thoughts on this episode:
    - Jason Bourne wishes it was this interesting.
    - I remember Cap decapitating a vampire named Bloodstorm with his shield. Though I don’t think that counts since the guy was already technically dead (and not to mention really lame).
    - I bet there will lot of “Fuck the Police” gifs from the attack on Fury sequence.

  • LelouchtheFilial

    I don’t really like the idea of a “Batman vs. Superman” because it incites the same geek war ooooover and ooooover– between the rich boy and the down-home farmboy/God, who would win in a fight?
    What I love about hardcore comic-book nerds is that they take all of the fun and magic out of superheroes by constantly shouting Batman and Superman’s battle stats at each other. They’ve figured out just …how hard Batman’s armor is and just how strong of an earthquake would result if Superman humped a fault line. WHY?
    And why do people only discuss which characters would win in a brawl? Aren’t there OTHER competitions characters could be engaging in?
    Between Goku and Homer Simpson, who would win in an eating contest?
    Between Superman and Captain America, who would you vote for to be president? ( Would it be the guy who would legalize steroids, or the guy who can spy on you in ways the NSA can only DREAM of?)
    If you locked The Joker and Hannibal Lecter in a cell together, who would come out on top in the bout of psychological warfare that would be sure to follow, and who would try to resort to cannibalism first? (My guess would be that Lecter would try to eat the Joker first, because Heath Ledger would always flick his tongue, and what muscle does Lecter USUALLY go for when he has a chance?)
    If you forced Batman and Oskar Schindler (who isn’t a FICTIONAL character, but whatever) to perform stand-up comedy together, who would bomb harder? My guess for this one would actually be Batman, because even though Schindler had the burden of rescuing thousands of people and the regret of not being able to rescue millions more weighing on his conscience, Batman would CONSTANTLY be distracted by how uncannily similar Schindler looks to Ra’s al-Ghul.
    See, THESE are the kinds of pointless things I want nerds to waste hours of their time discussing! Instead, all we get is how much of a nosebleed Superman would get if Batman hit him with Kryptonite brass-knuckles and what number Superman’s farts would get on a speedometer.

    • Paulus Cañamonjas

      Ahh, the magic of crossovers. That “who would win” thing it´s a legitimate amusement, especially when you are a 10-12 yo kiddo (my favourite being Dragon Ball, I still remember most “power levels”). But it used to get old really fast, even at that age. Companies take advantage from this, which I can understand…what I can´t understand is a a bunch of bearded nerds looking forward it.
      One thing RLM fail to realise: this “stupid rebooting, re-sequeling; these new
      Captain America meets Ironman at the Zoo” .
      You see, super hero-comic readers have been dealing with this shit for ages. You can´t have a 800 pages biography about Lobezno, cause new readers would feel so alienated. It should be digestible, so the whole universe (whatever it is) has to be relaunched and reimagined every “X” years. And as a result, wiser readers/fans get it: it is just a farce.
      Check this one out..

      “The first issue follows 616 Peter Parker as he stumbles upon Mysterio, who has gotten his hands on some sort of dimensional transporter that he has been using to cause trouble in the Ultimate universe”.

      • Paulus Cañamonjas

        Oops I am sorry (fucking Blip)

    • Cameron Vale

      It can’t be helped, nerds will masturbate all over things in proportion to how memorable and beloved they are. So it’s a good thing, in a way; or at least, a good sign.

    • Joe Syxpac

      Superman is an illegal alien. He can’t run for president.

  • Captain Turbo

    It’s funny because the bell rings. I get jokes.

  • playdude92 .

    I liked this movie, but I also like Burger King, occasionally…

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    Oh, them memorable comic book movie plots! There so many, and yet so few.

  • https://twitter.com/theericlarson Obscure Cactus

    Aaron Rodgers!

  • Eric Moreland

    Don’t be so mean to Rich, you already broke him with those Wacky Kid Jokes from R’lyeh!

    • Percy Gryce

      Lil Cthulhu approves.

  • phillipkslick

    Of course Captain America kills. He’s a damn soldier. He didn’t defeat Nazis with stern speeches.

    • Memoman

      He is really good with speeches, though.

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      There are numerous instances in the comic of him not killing when it would be the most prudent thing to do. So it is not really all that consistent.

      • phillipkslick

        True, but I thought (from what I’ve read) the idea is that he will when he absolutely has to, unlike Superman. Although, one neck snap can really change your view of a guy. Also, even though I read comics, superheroes aren’t my main bag, so I’ll bow to your superior knowledge.

  • LelouchtheFilial

    (I’m just copying and pasting large rants that I posted on Facebook. Oh, God, I rehash more things than Marvel.)

    So, like, I saw the Amazing Spiderman 2 trailer, and I’m really looking forward to the movie! Peter is a smarmy douchebag and he’s fighting more villains than can be properly fit into the running time, so everything that people hated about… Spiderman 3 (aside from emo jive-talking) will be in this movie!
    Okay, so, in the trailer, Djamie Foxx plays… Electro? (I’m sorry– I don’t really know anything about Spiderman villains outside of the Gay Gremlin, Professor Squidward, and Hraven the Kunt.) Djamie is an awkward geek who works for OsCorp and he worships Spiderman to the point where he wants to be just like him. Taking matters into his own tentacles (SHIT! That joke only works for Dr. Octopus!) Djamie puts two electric… things together, and his skin becomes blue energy like Dr. Manhattan’s in Watchmen. When he realizes that Spiderman neither knows nor cares that much about him, he just outright decides to murder the guy he worshiped two seconds ago, because the transition from “normal person” to “cartoon supervillain” isn’t a very gradual one. If Walter White were in a Superhero movie, his first reaction to learning of his cancer would be to blow up Mars, to HELL with its water!
    Anyway, this set-up for Electro both enthralls and disappoints me.
    It enthralls me because Djamie Foxx’s dick was visible for a moment in Django Unchained and Dr. Manhattan’s dick was ALWAYS visible in Watchmen, so my dream of seeing a black man’s cock radiating with blue energy may finally come to fruition.
    It disappoints me because Electro only becomes a supervillain because he’s a Spiderman-groupie who only became evil when he realized that his hero was a hotheaded asshole who didn’t want anything to do with him.
    So… he’s the Mandarin in Iron Man 3?
    So, is the “disgruntled fanboy” supervillain origin going to become a regular thing now? Because, if so, this trope is becoming a syndrome. A syndrome which I shall appropriately label as the “Syndrome”-Syndrome.

    • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

      You know what’s most disappointing about the new Spider-Man movie?

      The fact that Electro is just a blue veiny guy in a black jump-suit, and isn’t wearing this;

      • Cameron Vale

        Now that the Nolan trilogy happened, and all these Marvel Studios movies exploded in popularity, it’s weird to see a superhero movie shamefully hiding its superhero qualities. It seems so gauche and retro.

        • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

          What baffles me is why they do it. Fans of the comics are just gonna be pissed the character’s ties to the comics are only gonna be acknowledged with a “nudge nudge, wink wink” mentality, and non-fans aren’t really gonna care either way.

          On the subject of just the way they look, I’d love to have seen what a more functional version of some of the goofier costumes of comic-dom would look like in the “real-world”. But no, we can’t do anything creative, just make them wear black leather and make ‘em bald or something, I dunno.

    • DanceK

      It also seems like they took the rich asshole kid from the Sam Remy Spiderman movies and merged him with the rich asshole Lex Luthor from Smallville and glued the face of the kid from Terminator 2 on him and made him look like a crack addict. Then they had this guy give Spiderman good advice.

  • TJ

    Given the number of this episode, it was only fitting that Plinkett’s intro would be about eating…

  • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

    i think that Jay might have just found the last and most improbable easter egg of the Winter Soldier.

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      I noticed it at the time too, and felt very alone, because I couldn’t just turn to my friend and explain what it meant.

      • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

        i thought i got most of the easter eggs but this one went completly over my head

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          I got the Path of The Righteous joke, and appreciated the Steven Strange mention, but totally missed Captain America, car thief.

          • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

            to think it made me laugh so much when they reviewed the old cap movie here…

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            There’s no shame, random internet friend. Jay’s mustache has an affinity for subtle details that other mere mortals overlook.

  • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

    Holey moley the end had me in stitches.

    But I’m glad you guys liked this movie because I did and it would have made me sad to disagree.

  • Memoman

    Man, this is the best timing ever! I’ve seen the movie, of course, and last night I re-watched the The First Avenger with commentary track by Weekly Planet’s comic book pundits, to get all the inside scoop! The foreshadowing on the first Captain America is chillingly fun! It’s stupidly gleeful! Now that shit has gone down and you start to get the bigger picture unraveled! It makes you admire the team work needed to pull off this sort of project that is the Marvel Universe, it’s amazing getting things so right at that level. Really awe inspiring.

    I tried to follow it with the Avengers but I was just too tired! And now this!

  • Vegas

    Can’t wait for Roger and Ge…I mean Mike and Jay to tear TASM 2 a new one.

  • Brad Smoley

    Rich?… RIIICH!? Get the fuck out!

  • Now I Get It

    How did Michael get that black eye?

  • Memoman

    Those careboars, man. I’m about to snap. It’s been a long time coming. Building up from within.

    • Jason

      I actually like that Care Boars follows every new video. They give you a 5 second countdown and you have to press pause before the bomb goes off. It’s like your own personal action movie.

    • David

      No doubt, change the f-ing video that plays afterwards already!!

      • ident

        But that would break the timeline. All continuity in the RLM universe will be lost!

    • http://faddlechud.tumblr.com/ Faddlechud

      I’m surprised Hollywood hasn’t made a CGI Careboars reboot yet.

      • Now I Get It

        They’re waiting to see what all the cool gif makers are going to do, before they decide whether there’s money in it.

        • http://faddlechud.tumblr.com/ Faddlechud

          Speaking of… I’ve never made any Careboars gifs…..

          Hmmm……..

          • Now I Get It

            For God’s sake do it – GIF leads to Studio bidding war leads to script in development leads to RLM legally prohibited from exhibiting original cartoon – it’s a win-win.

            Script in development leads to film in production leads to box office failure leads to reboot with a different director leads to moderate profit leads to sequel leads to prequel leads to video game leads to film franchise revival leads to spin-offs for each minor character leads to cult kitsch re-imagining leads to new RLM parody site – “Featuring internet sensations Mutt & Jeff, June Bug, Little Mitchy, Tucker & Dale!” – leads to meta fan site created by new generation of the internet’s least original jerk-offs leads to the real RLM unhappily reviewing “itself” into infinity. . .

            FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T DO IT!!!!

      • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

        A PG13 live action Careboars movie following evry Young adults adaptations and other “evrything PG13 trilogies stuffs”…

  • DanceK

    I thought that Iron Man 3 was The Avengers 1.5…

  • http://conservativeyoda.blogspot.com/ Solo4357

    Cap starts out a man adjusting to the world he finds himself in but still steadfast in his ideals. He is not naive and not blindly patriotic but he is fundamentally decent and that is a huge breath of fresh air in this angsty, dark, brooding, dark knight-esque atmosphere we see most studios turning heroes into. I mean, did we need the The Dark Knight of Steel? Steve is not conflicted but he doesn’t know what’s real only because he doesn’t have all the information he needs to make decisions. He naturally questions what’s right and wrong but not because he doesn’t know, but because everyone is lying to him. Once he figures out the truth of things, he knows what to do.

    This is a big difference in most of the heroes these days because they are always questioning themselves. Batman, Superman, Wolverine, etc. They are always looking in. Steve was different because he knows at his core what is right and what is wrong, it’s the world that’s changed and he’s adjusting to make the decisions. It’s a subtle difference but it is there and I appreciated it.

    Superman used to be that way. In fact he does have a no-kill code and demonstrated why he needs it in Man of Steel by killing millions. Point made there, Supes.

  • DanceK

    (SPOILERS – IRON MAN 3)

    Also… it would be awesome if Cap called up Tony Stark and went like “Hey, Iron Man, I need some help saving the world.” And Tony would be like “Oh… sorry, I kinda…”

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/ebuzz-miller,65313/ E.Buzz Miller

      “Gee I’d like to…oh yeah, where were you when The Mandarin was blowing up my mansion? I’ll get back to you.”

      • Cameron Vale

        Sounds like the Avengers comics to me.

  • capnmorgan5150

    Does this review have spoilers in it? I haven’t seen this movie yet, but I’m interested in what Mike and Jay think about it.

  • x Mechanize x

    My one and only issue with The Winter Solider was that they were able to read SHIELD files, that had a proprietary SHEILD interface off of a proprietary SHEILD data drive, on a Mac Book Pro. You can’t even watch a .wmv on a Mac without a plugin.. I have no idea how that thing was able to read all those secret government files. Way too many movies do that and it drives me nuts when I see it.

    Fuckin Transformers: She takes that Decepticon code over to what’s-his-name’s house and his home PC can display this alien technology in a 3D interface and shit….
    And nobody EVER uses a fucking mouse! It’s all just a barrage of typing.

    Regardless, I absolutely loved Cap 2, and definitely want to see it again. :)

    • Víctor Chapa

      I don’t blame ya, my friend. Go see it again. Enjoy yourself. ^_^

    • Another_Chris

      That was pretty obnoxious and that kind of thing always makes me roll my eyes until they’re in danger of popping out of my head. What I actually found slightly more annoying, and I am weird – I admit it, is the fact that the Black Widow had a birth date in 1984, but claims she went from the KGB to SHIELD. So, somehow, she was recruited as a super spy at age 6, considering the Soviet Union fell in ’91 and the KGB was disbanded that same year. Amazing! Even in the comics they at least waited until she hit double digits.

      Also, ScarJo is a crap actress and can’t sell a fight scene to save her life.

      • ident

        The trouble is that, in the real world, time marches on and that can cause anachronistic issues like this. In this case, some hand waving won’t do since Black Widow has an existing and extensive back story in which the KGB is quite important. You can’t simply change KGB to whatever the current Russian equivalent of the CIA is because KGB means something to Americans and no one knows what the new one is. Regardless, getting upset about this is like getting angry at 2001: A Space Odyssey. Accepting some anachronism is a prerequisite.

        • Another_Chris

          They’ve jettisoned plenty of other back story for other characters. Why not pick a different agency? Oh, right, Amuricans are stoopid.

          Also, considering a good chunk of the audience for these things was probably born after the Cold War ended it’s just stupid. Everyone gets bugged by different things. It’s no more wrong or right than people who get annoyed by character inconsistencies or continuity errors.

          • ident

            I wasn’t implying it was morally wrong to object to this. I was offering you a means of letting it go. Suspension of disbelief is required in any film, to one degree or another (at the most basic level you have to believe the actor on screen is the character) and we all have a threshold as to just how much disbelief we are willing to suspend. You can draw the line where you will, but you’ll have more fun if you are more forgiving.

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        She was trained from the time of being a child, so maybe she was taken as a kid, and remained in some kind of spy program even after the KGB was gone.

        Like the little girl in “Hanna”.

        • Another_Chris

          If she was in a post-KGB spy program, she shouldn’t have called it the KGB then, should she?

          • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

            Okay, here is a simpler one: the KGB still exists in the Marvel universe.

          • Another_Chris

            You provide me with a source where anyone associated with Marvel says this and I’ll buy it. Otherwise you’re just reaching for straws trying to defend a stupid error that could have easily been avoided.

          • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

            Just as soon as anyone gives enough of a fuck to do that, instead of just rolling with it. Not everyone is joyless nitpicking asshole looking for reasons to dislike a mythology.

          • Another_Chris

            Then ignore my comment. Don’t be a little bitch and come in here and try to white night the movie writers all day.

      • asscrackconvictedfelon

        Have you forgotten SALT? they use children for evil haha, i agree on the scarjo thang, shes shit and for some reason she needs to end any fight posing like a gay power ranger, all that aside great movie.

      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        My pet peeve is Robert Redford not doing some personal grooming for his eyebrows and nose hairs.

        He literally has a pubic hair coming out of his left eyebrow, and when he utters his last line of dialogue, there’s an orange spaghetti monster coming out of his face.

    • Thanatos2k

      At least they portrayed employees of Apple stores as the douches they really are.

      • x Mechanize x

        Haha, yeah. They were like “Sure, we’ll do your product placement. But we’re gonna make fun of you while we do it, k?”

  • Jason

    Basically, movies are now comic books. $200 million comic books. And you don’t have to read or flip the pages yourself, just sit there and shovel popcorn into your mouth.
    Some historians say Rome “entertained itself to death” with bigger and more extravagant circuses, until eventually the only thing Romans knew how or cared to produce was mindless entertainment for the dumbmasses, and the rest of their economy just collapsed. I don’t know why I bring this up. Seems relevant somehow.
    *fart*

    • Striker, Ted

      It’s gonna be great.

      • Uncle Sporkums

        It’s gonna be great.

        • Chris

          That’s gonna be great.

          • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

            that’s fffffffffffffffffffff.. that’s ffffffffffffffffffuuuuuu……………….. it’s gonna be great.

          • Boehm

            Googuns

        • Striker, Ted

          It’s so dense, every single image has so much going on.

          • Uncle Sporkums

            See, its like poetry, in that they rhyme.. Every stanza rhymes with the next one.. Hopefully it’ll work.
            We could do this all day..

          • Striker, Ted

            It’s going to stop being funny one of these days, it has to.

          • Uncle Sporkums

            Well, he IS a funnier character than we’ve ever had in these movies, after all.

    • ident

      I think it was more all the barbarians at the gate. Hence the phrase “barbarians at the gate”.

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        Yeah, the Visigoths don’t get enough credit. Guess they aren’t as interesting as feeding people to lions.

        • ident

          What is, really?

          • Its_So_Dense

            Wendy Williams’ gender?

      • Jason

        The outside invaders just finished the job, like hyenas sensing weakness in a wounded animal and going in for the kill. Another analogy would be a giant tree that’s diseased and rotting from the inside, and someone comes along and leans on it and it collapses; obviously it was the rot that did the tree in, not the guy leaning on it.
        A matter of opinion, I guess, but mine is right.

        • ident

          The reasons for the decline are still debated and I doubt we’ll settle it in the comments of a review for a Marvel movie. Some say the decline began with the death of Augustus and the transition from republic to empire. Or through the growth of the empire itself as fewer and fewer Romans made up the growing Roman Army. Or the military system that had the generals paying their soldiers directly which led to greater loyalty to the general rather than the state making every succession a potential civil war. Or the rise of Christianity and the associated decline of the Imperial cult, undermining Imperial authority and sowing discord throughout the far flung empire. Or, as I said, the barbarian domino effect that started in Asia and saw the massive movement of millions of nomadic people across the Russian steppes, into the forests of Eastern Europe, and, finally, against the borders and walls of Rome itself. Wave after wave of desperate hordes cresting and breaking over Roman territory for hundreds of years. Or maybe all of this contributed a more or less equal stress that, taken together, crushed the Western Roman Empire. I haven’t read anything or anyone, outside of religious sources, that held up a love of entertainment as the most significant factor in Rome’s decline but your theory reminds me of a quote by historian Will Durant: “A nation is born stoic and dies epicurean.” So there’s that, I suppose.

          • Cameron Vale

            Obviously Rome’s empire dissolved slowly, for a lot of reasons that piled up over time, I don’t think that anyone denies that.

          • ident

            Then I must have misunderstood the original commenter because I wouldn’t have wasted my time if I agreed with him.

          • Cameron Vale

            I can’t tell if you’re being snide or literal, but Jason’s later comments seem to have borne you out.

        • ident

          To respond more succinctly, the issue raised by your original comment was whether that disease in your metaphor was primarily a result of a love of entertainment and that is where our disagreement lies.

    • Dr. Blake Downs

      The assertion Rome fell due to entertainment for the “dumbmasses” is completely false and shows your lack of understanding history. There is not one factor that contributed solely to its decline. Among the more prominent factors at play were constant civil wars, weak emperors, disease/famine wiping out populations, over-extended boundaries and mentioned in a previous comment, Germanic tribes like the ostrogoths who essentially put the final nail in the coffin for an already fledgling western empire.

      • Percy Gryce

        All that–and flowery togas.

      • Striker, Ted

        Are we talking about the Western or Eastern Empire?

      • Jason

        Thanks for the Grade 5 history lesson. Really brings me back to a simpler time.
        The question you’re too obtuse to ask is: What were the Roman people doing while all this was going on? Why were they content to sit back while their Republic devolved into a dictatorship run by the criminally insane? Why were resources devoted to building coliseums instead of maintaining Rome’s failing infrastructure? Why didn’t the people care that their government was waging costly and pointless wars on their dime?
        Bread and circuses. Control the mob and you control Rome. Any of this sound familiar? I’m not exactly breaking new ground with this observation.

        • ident

          If you are talking about the great majority of the citizens of Rome, they spent most of their time surviving. There was no voting. The best the common people could do is riot now and then and be crushed. That’s why the idea that the primary cause of the downfall of the Roman Empire was too much entertainment is absurd. The people being entertained had little agency.

          Why were they content to allow the collapse of the Republic and the rise of a dictatorship run by the criminally insane? You’re misrepresenting everything that happened. When Julius Caesar marched on Rome he was only the latest general to do so. By the time he crossed the Rubicon, there had been several civil wars, large and small, long and brief. And Caesar was popular with the people, wealthy and poor alike, for his victories and generosity. And you are forgetting that Rome had a long history of dictators, it was a political appointment held by some of the greatest men in the history of Rome. He had the Senate appoint him Dictator for 10 years so he could “clean up” Rome. By this time, the people welcomed a man they trusted to bring peace to the city. And he did. He wasn’t criminally insane. He was a rational Roman general trying to bring justice and greatness back to his city in a tumultuous and violent time. Augustus, who succeeded him and really set the foundations for empire, was also not criminally insane. He is considered one of the greatest leaders of Rome, republican or imperial.

          As for the wars, the Romans were a martial people and every war was for the greater glory and protection of Rome in the eyes of the people. And it wasn’t necessarily the wars that were costly because, especially in the early days, they were heavily bankrolled by private individuals for their own ambitious ends, but it was the general defense of the empire, the maintenance of pax romana, that really spread the coffers then.

          You can’t apply 21st century sensibilities to 2nd century people.

          With respect, you don’t seem to know much about Rome. You ask precisely the sort of questions and make precisely the sort of assumptions that the average 21st century person would. There’s nothing wrong with that, we all start somewhere, but please continue your studies before you jump to any more conclusions about what caused what.

          • Dr. Blake Downs

            Exactly right. A major problem people like Jason engage in is projecting modern norms and practices towards the past. That will normally lead one astray from the truth, particularly during antiquity. Then add to that it seems to usually be coupled with breaking down the little information they do have into the most simplistic form.

        • Cameron Vale

          The existence of entertainment does not indicate a lack of vigilance, that is just facile puritanical madness. They became the Empire because they required constant mobilization to have any kind of security, the insane rulers and pointless wars came long afterwards.

          • Jason

            I’m not arguing against ‘the existence of entertainment’. ffs, I’m commenting on RLM videos, I’m obviously not against entertainment or people finding enjoyment in life.
            the problem in Rome is that so much of their industry and economy was devoted to entertainment at the expense of everything else, it was like morphine helping them ignore the pain instead of treating their illnesses (failing infrastructure, government run amok, etc.)
            The joke Jay and Mike make about all of America’s wealth and resources being funnelled to Marvel Comics really isn’t that far off reality. I mean, pretty much everyone recognizes that these are bad economic times, yet these movies cost and gross hundreds of millions of dollars each, and they’re pumping them out by the dozen. That seems a little askew don’t you think? And that’s where I draw the comparison to Rome’s hedonistic appetites. The parallel is pretty obvious and straightforward, and I’m surprised anyone would even debate it.

          • ident

            “the problem in Rome is that so much of their industry and economy was devoted to entertainment at the expense of everything else”

            Do you have a source for this? I mean that sincerely. It runs counter to everything I have ever read, but I certainly haven’t read everything written on Rome. If this is a serious theory I somehow haven’t come across, I’d like to know more.

    • Mitchell Taco Nash

      Didn’t Russell Crowe kill all the Romans?

      I didn’t finish the film but I read online that’s how it ended… he killed a bunch of people using his gladiator training then built a big boat to weather some giant flood. He then spent some time shooting arrows, sailing ships, and looting stagecoaches in the west. Then he became some mathematician dude that suffers from severe hallucinations, one hallucination being he fathered a space child on some far away planet and sent him to Earth for some reason, which nearly ended with the destruction of the planet but he saw it as a good thing.

      It’s kinda like the Marvel Cinematic Universe… it’s all connected.

      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        You forgot his singing career as a mall cop in Paris.

    • Charon

      This was absolutely refreshing to read.

      Mr. President – THANKS!

  • Noah Roalson

    Short but sweet. One of the strongest episodes in a while guys! At least in my opinion :)

    • Percy Gryce

      Will somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way?!

      • Noah Roalson

        Who’s scruffy-looking?

        • Percy Gryce

          You were ruined by being shoehorned into the prequels.

          • Noah Roalson

            I know. I absolutely hated that. When I saw Chewy in Ep. III I almost cried. I am incredibly nervous for the new movies to be released. One of the biggest reasons is because I wouldn’t be surprised if they shoehorn in almost every character from the original trilogy. I have a bad feeling about this!

          • Striker, Ted

            Step 1: Nostalgia
            Step 2: Whatever
            Step 3: Profit!

          • Its_So_Dense

            Why can’t Step 1 be whatever, and step 2 be omelette?

          • Mark Bisone

            Because that leads to fecal urgency.

          • Its_So_Dense

            But can fecal urgency lead to profit? (for anyone other than Adam Sandler, I mean)

          • http://www.scream-movie.net/ Charles Petrosky

            We could put J.J. Abrams in one of the garbage mashers on the detention level…

          • Noah Roalson

            Just thinking about the prequels’ flaws makes me want to cry. I enjoyed them when I was under the age of 10 for the action. However, once I was older than 10 I stopped watching them. They always “felt” wrong. I couldn’t really explain it, which is why I fell in love with RLM for the Plinkett reviews. I just hope they don’t shoehorn too many people into the new movies…

  • Tabasco Jones

    “Ghost Rider”
    “I didn’t see the first one.”
    “Correct”

    hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Bless you guys.

    • Striker, Ted

      Oddly, they did see the second one, they must have been completely lost plot-wise.

      • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

        They reviewed it on HitB, and were happy to notice that the filmmakers assumed no one saw the first Ghost Rider, and had an introductory montage summarizing what happened so you’re up to speed.

  • Meester Smeeth

    To hell with spoilers, I ain’t missing out on my fix.

    • camelionstorm

      At first I was kinda worrying and almost shut the video after the recommendation, but then … naaaahh, what the heck … totally worth it because our beloved hackfrauds know to deal with delicate “fan-nerdy” material.

      • Meester Smeeth

        Haha, that’s just what I was like. I switched it off for a few minutes and then thought sod it. It was worth it for the quiz alone.

        • camelionstorm

          Absolutely. Btw. is this Ian Holm’s Character from “fifth element” soaked into the “Bed-Vendor” foil?

          • Meester Smeeth

            My avatar? It’s Ian Holm’s character from Alien; Ash.

          • camelionstorm

            Yeah right, fuck me, haven’t seen it for so long. It’s the “Droid-Flesh-Goo” all over his face [insert what is wrong with his face voice here] …. But still, think of the scene in “fifth element” were he gets trapped in “corban dallas’s” bed and is about to suffocate, although, there are like 16years in between .___.

          • Meester Smeeth

            Yeah, I’ve seen The Fifth Element, I know what you’re talking about. Great film.

      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        I’m not allowed to see it yet :( I pinkie sweared I wouldn’t watch the review until we saw the movie together tomorrow. I’m in absolute agony for my fix.

  • ident

    A lot of echo in that VCR repair shop.

  • Muthsarah

    Nice change of pace, but I hope not all future episodes have this strong of a “who gives a $#!+” vibe.

  • Chadhulhu

    Love the feel of the review, who cares of spoilers, if they bother someone why watch reviews.

    • Percy Gryce

      It’s more like I want to understand all the references.

  • Tree Rock Creations

    The only complaint that I have with the new Captain America movie was the shaky cam at the first 15 minutes of the movie. The rest of the camera work was good.

  • http://macaulay.us/ Scottland559

    Love the “Matchgame” music. Gene Rayburn FTW!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “This one is about Captain America and a huge plot involving a shield? Or-r-zzz hydrens? Or massive explosions and violence? Can Aaron Rogers beat up the man with the iron arm?”

    I’m a little over a minut into this review and you guys just spoilers the WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE, GIVING AWAY NOT ONLY HIS SECRET IDENTITTY BUTT ALSO THE HOLE PLOT OF THE FUCKING MOVIE!

    i’M HONESTLY UNSUBSCRIBING! yOU ARE HACK FRAUDS!

    • Tabasco Jones

      You are a bit uptight for someone with “Taco” as a middle name.

      • Mitchell Taco Nash

        “Tabasco Jones”? Hopefully you taste as hot as you look. ;)

        Wait, what?

        • Tabasco Jones

          hahahahaha. You know it man.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            Taco Nash and Tabasco Jones…
            The spiciest slash-fic in history.

    • ident

      I don’t read comic books, but when the first Captain America movie came out, multiple reviews I came across pointed out that Bucky was the Winter Soldier and we’ll probably see more of him in the next movie. I didn’t and don’t know what a Winter Soldier is, but your umbrage list is much longer than you think. I know you’re doing a thing and my thing is to respond to you as if you are not.

  • Benzo

    Good episode, frauds… but who was that asshole Mike yelled at? He sounds fat.

    • Captain Turbo

      It was Zach Galifianakis, who’s actually quite thin in real life.

  • Chris

    I was really hoping they would notice the “When did Captain America learn how to steal cars?” nod. It made me feel like less of a psychopath.

  • Billy_Whizz

    I think that I’ll see this one. I’ve enjoyed all of the Marvel Studio’s movies to varying degree’s. In fact, the MCU films seem to be the only superhero movies that I actually like, and I’m a comic book dork. :-/
    Actually, that’s kind of a lie. I also enjoyed BatNolan 1-3, The Raimi Spider-Man 1+2 and the first 2 Wolverine movies from the early 00′s.

  • kingofmadcows

    I think the correct word to describe Captain America is “sincere.” He sees the complexity of the modern world and all the moral ambiguity involved, but he still has a set of principles and he won’t use the ambiguity of the situation to compromise his values.

    • sepiajack

      I would add: earnest. It’s very refreshing to have a non-ironic movie hero after over a decade of meta, and irony, and sarcasm, and self referential stuff. he just IS.

      • Thom Stone

        that sounds like a great (cheesy) advertising campaign

        captain america, he just is

        • sepiajack

          True!

    • ChaosIsBeauty

      which oddly enough is probably how Superman should be portrayed, not that they’ll be making THAT movie anytime soon, nope, need more cynicism and neck snapping and disaster porn

  • castlemonster

    Good. No HitB story arc. Let’s keep it that way.

    • ident

      Why do you hate fun?

      • castlemonster

        My mom didn’t hug me enough.

        • Taft you FUCK

          Maybe she hugged you too much…

          • TapewormBike

            My stepfather tucked me in every night. Ooops, a typo.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            You’ll fucks it in editing.

          • Its_So_Dense

            Oh, right, THAT’s why I come here: subtle double entendres and homoerotic pseudo-incest. Oh, you guise!

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Hence, your Disqus superhero name.

  • Maized and Confused

    I could honestly watch mike and Jay blandly summarize action movies all day and never get bored.

    • diehounderdoggen

      They need to make it a regular segment.

      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        It’ll be a hit!

      • Katharina Sabel

        Yes please!

  • Christopher Morlock

    So when Mike suddenly yells for Rich Evans to answer the question of whether Captain America kills people, I pictured Rich over in the kitchen cooking them all French fries. Despite being startled by Mike’s yelling, Rich relies on his newfound knowledge of fire safety and doesn’t burn the whole studio down. Rich’s dedication to safe cooking also explains why he couldn’t give an adequate answer to Mike’s question, which is, “Sometimes.”

    • Alex Lee

      It’s a good thing he’s now cool about fire safety.

    • ashwilliams

      Be coooool about fire safetyyy!!

    • LelouchtheFilial

      He doesn’t want another dead baby on his hands.

      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        Wasn’t Jay the one who put rocks in the baby’s head so it would drown more easily?

  • jaymanxyz2

    So what is more important/valuable? A 20-minute new HitB or avoiding spoilers to a new Marvel movie (apparently a good one)?

    Hmmm…

    • WrongWithYourFace

      There’s only one right answer and you know it.

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      They didn’t really spoil the movie, though. Even with Cheap Thrills, they didn’t give away the Holy Shit ending.

      Kurt Loder, in his review of Cheap Thrills, did state the ending without any warning, and is a real asshole because of it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I don’t care about Captain America but I might see this since it has a lot of violence.

  • fuckstick

    lololololololololololol

  • TapewormBike

    Allright, what´s with this one? When I push play I´m gonna get kicked in the balls? Jokes on you RLM, I´m beating them with my fists already! ( side note: how do you do a high pitch in text?).

  • Martin the Warrior

    Like an idiot, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about, and I let the “Care Boars” video load. And then I watched it.

    God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him.

    • TapewormBike

      No, he was just the Devil all along. Wallow in your misery, you fool!

    • WrongWithYourFace

      I remember my first date with Careboars like yesterday. I was happily reading the comments when this cheerful chime suddenly started. I was like “what the hell is this? Where’s that coming from?” I checked all my tabs to investigate with no result. Then I finally scrolled up and then I saw them. The next few minutes I just stared at them in confusion. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I’m sure it was something about their eyes. They haven’t left me alone ever since.

      • TapewormBike

        You might try not watching RLM once in a while. Oh God, what have I just said!!!!?

      • Martin the Warrior

        I think the moment I lost all hope was when the cartoon succubus was pleasuring the cartoon pig.

        • Martin the Warrior

          Or was that a scene from “Movie 43″? I can’t remember anymore. My tears are now blood.

        • Thanatos2k

          That’s not a succubus. Succubus have wings, legs, and the spade tail. That’s a naga, because they-

          Uh, you know what…..nevermind.

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          If you said that line on any other site you’d be brought in for questioning. But here, here we understand.

      • Cameron Vale

        Would you believe that the first time I saw it, I actually did so voluntarily by clicking it in a video list?

        • Kenlin Bros

          BLASPHEMY

  • Cameron Vale

    Spider-Man 3 is about the Green Goblin rescuing Spider-Man from a guy with sand powers.

    • TapewormBike

      Spider Man 2 is about the guy in the Raiders of the Lost Ark, getting off the spikes and growing up to be a scientist, only to become evil due to listening too much to his mechanical tentacles. I like that movie.

      • dollar store cashier wife

        Spider Man 1 is about seeing kirsten dunst’s nips.

      • ident

        He left Indiana Jones to be crushed by a giant rock. He was already evil.

  • TapewormBike

    I am gonna see this movie for sure and thank Brubaker for this awesome storyline. However, lately I became fixated on the divide between how serious or at east dark and “realistic” comic movie plots can be and how stupid all the names are. I mean, “Batman” is what would be written on the first crumbled piece of paper thrown in a trash by Bruce Wayne. “Captain America” takes the first prize though. Does he represent the South and Central one too? Why not go for “Daddy Coca Cola” or “Modern Imperialism Bro”?. Dummy.

    • jaymanxyz2

      You’re right. For some reason with Captain America, they skipped out on the trend of giving superheroes more “serious” names (like “Dark Knight” and “Man of Steel”). I’m surprised they’re not calling him “Steel Patriot” or something like that.

      Edit: I just remembered that “Iron Patriot” was in Iron Man 3. Oops.

      • TapewormBike

        That´s a good one. Or Freedom Figh..yeah, maybe not.

      • http://ironcladman.com/ M. Franklin Hance

        To be fair, those “more serious names” are for DC characters. Marvel characters don’t tend to pick up ancillary names like that (for instance, Spider-man is also called “webhead” and “webslinger”, but those are more derogatory — I think both of those names are ones villains gave him).

        Besides, the first movie gave us a perfectly reasonable origin for the name Captain America. It was a stage name for a propaganda show during WWII, and fits perfectly there. It’s actually a fairly brilliant name origin.

        • TapewormBike

          No, I liked that, definitely. It´s just the necessity to have some kind of origin for that goofy name that bugs/interests me.

          • http://ironcladman.com/ M. Franklin Hance

            I think it would bug me more if the writers made it feel like the movie was ashamed of the name of their hero, the way Man of Steel seemed ashamed to ever say ‘superman’ out loud.

            Even Chris Nolan’s Batman movies seemed to mock the name ‘Batman’ more than anything.

            The audience already knows the character, just by walking into the theater we’ve fully accepted that a character is named something silly. It feels very off-putting when a film tries to distance itself from its title character.

          • TapewormBike

            Oh yeah. It´s not really an argument, just a thought that what defines these now rather modernized heroes are monickers almost century old.

          • WrongWithYourFace

            Same goes with the undies. It’s an essential part of the characters, dammit!

          • TapewormBike

            Look what happens when they get rid of them.

          • WrongWithYourFace

            They look naked and it accentuates their bulge. At least if you stay with the tights look like Man of Steel. I don’t mind it with Batman if what he’s wearing is more like a suit of armor.

          • jaymanxyz2

            This is what happens:

        • jaymanxyz2

          Oh, you’re right. Good point.

      • Percy Gryce

        What would prefer: Major Moravia? Brigadier Bohemia?

        Can’t you let us Yanks have our hero?

    • Percy Gryce

      What would prefer: Major Moravia? Brigadier Bohemia?

      Can’t you let us Yanks have our hero?

      • TapewormBike

        Well, our super soldier would probably be called Sergeant Igiveup

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          Your super soldier is French, then. He’s a great sommelier, though, if you need a wine selection.

          • TapewormBike

            Oh no, in WW2 we managed to do nothing way earlier (partly thanks to them too) You tend to shit your pants earlier when you had a beer, dumplings and whole lot of cabbage rather than baguette.

  • Duckler

    It sure sounds better than Emo-Spider 2: A Fucking Cartoon..

    • WrongWithYourFace

      That rhymes!

      • Miya

        It’s like poetry

        • TapewormBike

          And Kevin Bacon.

          • Duckler

            Adding Bacon costs extra.

        • ident

          It cauterizes. Wait, that’s not right. It locks in freshness-no, no, I’ll get it…it plumps when you cook them!

          • Its_So_Dense

            Caw—caughter—kah-roo-skint?

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Cut. Lets try it again.

  • jaymanxyz2

    This has probably already been pointed out, but the trailer edit at 11:20 is hilarious.

  • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

    i think that Rich is right.. it’s hard to answer to the question if Cap kills(and (rather)under which circumstances) or not since those movies share a lot of elements from both the main Marvel universe and the 21st century reboot called The Ultimates from Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch(a more mature version of the Avengers where Samuel l Jackson was already Fury, and characters were more “ambiguous”). i wouldnt bet considering the fluctuant continuity.. but i think he did in both with more or less repercussions.
    SPOILERS:

    • TapewormBike

      Yup. I also wonder if you read the Loeb Ultimates, because the “ambiguity” was a bit too much for some characters in there (not mentioning it sucked as hell too).

      • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

        thats where i more or less gave up the book; i thought it was getting boring despite the cool art.. and i admit i was perfectly fine with only the 2 firsts arcs of Millar(i think the mature hommage was perfect and also that it was probably suicide to try after Millar and Hitch work). i ve checked later (but i m absolutly not up to date) and found some cool stuffs i must say.. like Cap becoming president in the middle of a civil war.

        • TapewormBike

          I stopped reading almost all comics some time ago, but those first books are pretty awesome.

          • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

            i restrained myself too.. time forced me to get more selective so i select by artists/authors as much as i can(but i m still a huge comic books geek)

          • Its_So_Dense

            I just learned that there are comic book arcs worth reading other than “Age of Apocalypse”, Whedon’s “Astonishing” run and “Identity Crisis”. Wait, my mistake, my mistake—there aren’t.

          • ChaosIsBeauty

            those are terrible terrible examples of comics worth reading, not terrible comics per se but jesus christ there are better things out there

          • Its_So_Dense

            “Terrible examples of comics worth reading…” “…not terrible comics per se”.

            I’m the one who was drunk and rattling off, so how is it that my inebriated yammering conveys a clearer opinion than your (I’m assuming) sober, taking-me-way-too-seriously response?

            I am well-aware of the great wealth of genuinely brilliant comic-book/graphic novel/manga work out there—I am just no longer interested in it as an adult, with the exception of Death Note and maybe some Pitt for a short time. I just don’t care anymore

            To restate: I just learned that there are movies worth watching other than “Commando”. Wait, my mistake, my mistake—there aren’t.

            Understand?

          • ChaosIsBeauty

            I was just saying in terms of comics that are really fucking good those are some weird ass choices, none of them are necessarily bad comics, but most comic readers I know would probably name off about 10 to 20 other books before getting around to AoA, Astonishing or Identity Crisis, the last of which is pretty heavily maligned by a lot of fans of old DC stuff due to the rape of Sue Dibny, I liked it, but it rubbed a number of folks the wrong way

            I guess what I should have said was that those are some rather odd choices rather than using a word with negative connotations like terrible to describe them, so apologies

          • Its_So_Dense

            Ain’t no thang—you likely know way more about comics than I do, so it’s understandable that such a comment would rub you the wrong way. Had someone made a remark about “Led Zeppelin”, “Cream” and “ELP” creating the most interesting and worthwhile music, I probably would’ve (in an annoyed manner) chimed in with some name-drops a la “Pat Martino”, “Virgil Donati” and “Animals as Leaders”. Do you have anything to recommend which might re-ignite my love for good story-telling? I like long, slow arcs that don’t even have to have a pay-off—if there’s a good conclusion, even better.

          • ChaosIsBeauty

            long slow arc definitely makes me think of something like Earth X from Marvel, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea though, if you end up trying that and find it too slow then I’d probably recommend something like The Sandman, Grendel, or DC the New Frontier, each of which are classics and have a bit of a slower pace, Kingdom Come is also a personal favorite of mine though it’s easy to flip through in an afternoon, but it’s a story that stays with you, Y: The Last Man might also work for you

          • ChaosIsBeauty

            Locke and Key is another great multi-arc story and that just recently finished

          • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

            thankx for the suggestion.

          • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

            i could read pretty much anything but i admit i m more into Image, Dynamite, Vertigo, ABC comics since a little while now.. i get back into Marvel and DC mostly when something or someone(artist or author) drives me to it(like Remender, Hickman or too many drawers to list)

    • Pa Kent Says Maybe

      Seemed to me he didn’t really kill anybody in this. Seemed like every single one of them get up at some point to either run away or come back after him.

      It just sounds like he’s killing them with all the loud accents every time he whacks something with his sheild.

      Laurence Fishburne and the hot girl, however…they kill continually.

      • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

        i cant tell. death is such a cheap trick with Marvel and DC.

        • Pa Kent Says Maybe

          Right? Who died this week? Who came back from the dead? Who’s a ghost haunting his enemy who’s running around in the ghost’s costume? This week?

          They’re killing Archie. I know it’s not a superhero comic — DC or Marvel — but, same diff. Murdering Archie? Why not put Snoopy to sleep? Time for the damned kids to grow up and realize death is right around the corner. Snoopy and Garfield in a death match! Right now!

          Except. Not really. There’ll be a new Snoopy next month. That dead Snoopy was the Snoopy from an alternate timeline.

          Comics really are sorry bullsh!t. The same thing over and over and over and over. Movies, too, ever since they’ve adopted the comic book ethos. Death or murder in a blockbuster hardly register. Chrissy, even GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL climaxes with over-the-top gunfire. And nobody dies.

          I’m babbling. I’m just really tired of it.

    • x Mechanize x

      Is that Darth Vader’s lightsaber in the middle image? :P

      • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

        i think it is in a weird way.

      • Thanatos2k

        Light sabers turn off when they’re not in someone’s hand. I know because every “Dropped my light saber” reaction shot told me so.

    • Mister_Misinformed

      “a more mature version of the Avengers”

      debatable

      • ChaosIsBeauty

        more post 9-11 topical than mature

        aspects of it did definitely impact the film universe though, particularly Sam Jackson as Fury

      • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

        debatable of course.

  • diehounderdoggen

    I can give a better summary for Iron Man 2:
    Everybody gets bored, Mickey Rourke sits around and doesn’t do much, then all the actors get checks and we all go home.

    • Cameron Vale

      Tony’s got a heart problem, and he’s gonna die.

    • JAGUART

      I think Mickey Rourke soliloquizes in a shed in real life. They just stick a camera in there and film it.

  • jaymanxyz2

    We need an extended cut.

    • Pa Kent Says Maybe

      Absolutely!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    welcome to applebee’s may I take your order?

  • Alec trebexk

    Anyone notice he steals a car in this one? (best of the worst)

    • ident

      We heard you the first time, Jay.

  • joey

    vampire baby!

  • Eric

    Loved that final “do you know the plot” segment! Also, thanks for putting Disco Godfather on my “to watch” list.

    • Its_So_Dense

      You must be smokin’ some Angelduss if you ain’t put yo’ weight on that sheeit yet. I didn’t know you liked to get wet, though. Angelduss. PCP. That’s what you had. I didn’t, but you did.

  • ThomasHFoolery

    Oooohhhhh CHRIS Evans. I thought that was Rich Evans this whole time.

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      Rich Evans would put those Gucci Guilty ads to shame if they just gave him the chance.

  • AdeoAdversary

    Ya, I really enjoyed The Winter Soldier, thought it was probably Marvel’s best movie to date, certainly one of their most finely executed/serious scripts. Also, it was great to hear the real Mr. Plinkett talk about movies again at the beginning of the video.

    • ChaosIsBeauty

      if you liked the plot it’s mostly adapted directly from a plot in the comics with the same title that wouldn’t be too hard to track down on amazon, it’s basically hard espionage fiction set in the Marvel universe, and doesn’t require a deep knowledge of comics to enjoy

  • Lat

    They need to do an Extras video with the whole “Name That Plot” bit.

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  • Odysseus Ulysses

    Legend has it they’re still there, in that old VCR repair shop, guessing super hero movie plots to this day.

  • Archie Bunker

    Adam Sandler gets stranded on a deserted island and… falls in love with a coconut or something…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Isn’t that the theme of a game show?

    But, I’m thinking entirely out-of-context game show like The Dating Game or Match Game or something.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And, the game show demonstrates why people will eventually reject all of these things, except for the very few that rise to the top, and the Marvel formula will eventually peter out. They are all interchangeable, and nobody can really remember what happened in any of them a scant year or so later.

    • Thanatos2k

      It doesn’t matter if you remember them, as long as you still go see the next one….

      • Pa Kent Says Maybe

        Well, then. I win. Because CATWS is the last one I’m going to see.

        Gonna end it on a high note and save myself all the disappointments and self-loathings.

        • Thanatos2k

          But it was a good movie. I’ll go see future good movies, as long as they’re good.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I must’ve missed it, but why (the fuck) is the character called The Winter Soldier?

    Is it some vague Cold War reference?

    • Mark Bisone

      I once heard about this thing called the A.O.L. worldyweb.com that can provide answers to such questions. From what I understand, it’s kinda like the Sphinx, but with way more titties and Furries kink. And instead of it asking you riddles, you ask it for tentacle porn and comic book exposition.

      (Short answer: duh, yes, it’s obviously a cold war reference.)

      • ident

        Then wouldn’t The Cold Warrior be a much better name?

        • Mark Bisone

          Man of Cold?

          • ident

            The Soldier Who Came In From The Cold?

          • Mark Bisone

            Cold Man’O’War?

          • ident

            That depends. Is he now a British frigate?

          • Mark Bisone

            I was about to call you a homophobe, but then I remembered that over there it just means “cigarette”.

            http://themanwhofellasleep.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/gay1.jpg

          • Thom Stone

            he’s not from krypton, he’s from hoth

            directed by brett ratner

        • Its_So_Dense

          Stone Cold Steve Thawstin.

        • Captain Turbo

          Coldman the Barbarian who’s from the north so he’s… cold… and stuff…

    • ident

      I did Google it and couldn’t find an easy answer. It’s either a cold war reference or a reference to the fact that the KGB keeps him cryogenically frozen between missions. Perhaps a comic book nerd can enlighten us all.

      • Mark Bisone

        Wait, if it’s because of the cryogenic thing, shouldn’t his code name be the “Summer Thaw Soldier” or something like that? How the fuck can he do soldier shit when he’s frozen?

        • ident

          Or Birdseye Soldier?

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Fuck Birdseye. Ho Ho Ho, Blue Giant all the way.

    • Thom Stone

      pa kent, what’s wrong with your faaaaaace?

      • Pa Kent Says Maybe

        1. Tornadoes do that to a person.

        2. My foster son turned out to be the strongest person in several galaxies, but he is also a whining pussy, responsible for the destruction of every Waffle House in a three-state area. Makes me cry when I think of it.

        3. You should talk, Forehead.

    • Muthsarah

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_Soldier_Investigation

      Short answer: A “winter soldier” is one who is willing to testify against their own military if they believe they have committed illegal atrocities or are clearly not living up to their own stated ideals. Thus, the term “winter soldier” refers both to Bucky (literally, ‘cuz that’s his name), and to Captain America himself (metaphorically, for standing up to S.H.I.E.L.D. and taking the heat for it).

      It’s, like, deep.

      • Cameron Vale

        So in a way, it’s the opposite of “fair weather friend.”

      • Mark Bisone

        Actually, it’s specifically about testifying about war crimes in Vietnam — everyone’s favorite hot-spot in the Cold War. For instance, we have a winter soldier as the head of the State Department at the moment.

        (So much for “taking the heat.”)

        • Mister_Misinformed

          He did “take the heat” at the time. He’s not supposed to “take the heat” forever, is he?

          • Mark Bisone

            Oh, you mean when we locked him in a dungeon, tortured him, broke his bones and made him read statements debasing his native land?

            Or was it when we pinned medals on him and elected him senator? I guess DC does get a little muggy in the summertime, but luckily the winter soldier has a remedy for that kind of heat.

            http://obamapacman.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/John-Kerry-Wind-Surfing-539w.jpg

          • Mister_Misinformed

            He “got the medals pinned on him” BEFORE he testified about the war crimes, you absolute fucking moron.

          • ident

            woah.

          • Mark Bisone

            Oh yes, I know. And the day after his show trial voluntary testimony, in which he bravely condemned his brother soldiers as Mongol hordes of butchers and rapists, he cast them all into the sea — the Bronze star he got for standing on the deck of a boat, the Purple Hearts for his stubbed toe and his ear infection, all of ‘em.

            Or maybe not. Some? It’s still not entirely clear, even to this day.

            In any case, the powers that be really turned up the heat on John after his brave testimony, when they… ran him for national office the next year? Appointed him district attorney five minutes after he passed the Massachusetts bar? Yeah it really sucked to be John-boy for a while there.

            Probably not as bad as it sucked stepping off those planes from ‘Nam, greeted by jeering, spitting crowds who branded you a “baby-killer” after you just served your tour in a living nightmare. And maybe not as bad as chillin’ at the Hanoi Hilton, getting beat half to death at regular intervals by your smiling captors. Not that kind of heat, maybe. But, to paraphrase a wise tribal elder: what difference, at that point, did it make?

            This country is run by a rotating circus of narcissistic liars and parasites. Unlike you, I don’t feel the need to run around the internet licking their feet like a loyal dog, and I’ll crack jokes at their expense as I see fit.

            Now fuck directly off forever, you toadying little sheep.

            Love,
            Mark.

          • Mister_Misinformed

            You sound quite insane.

          • Mark Bisone

            And you sound like a fucking douchebag. So, what’s left to talk about, sweetheart?

          • Mister_Misinformed

            We could talk about the psychological issues that lead you to assign me the imaginary activities of “running around the internet licking the feet” of the mysterious cabal of “THEM” who run the country, but I don’t sense it would aid you.

          • Mark Bisone

            Sure, we could do that. Or: we could talk about how I just publicly handed you your ass, and how your only response so far is to wheedle, “You so crazy!”, Martin Lawrence-style.

            (P.S. You’re terrible at this. Did you ever consider trying out for soccer instead? I sense it would aid you.)

          • Mister_Misinformed

            I’m not surprised you’re getting a standing ovation from the audience in your head, Mark.

          • Mark Bisone

            It’s more of a golf clap, actually, punctuated by the occasional “Two snaps up” from those In Living Color guys.

            http://www.pirate4x4.com/forum/attachments/general-chit-chat/663789d1333488522-barrel-type-smoker-twosnapsup.jpg

          • Percy Gryce

            He is. That’s why we love him.

          • Mark Bisone

            Only in 48 states, PG.

            In Mississippi and Arkansas I’m considered “eccentric”.

          • Percy Gryce

            And in France you’re a Chevalier de la Legion d’Honneur.

          • Mister_Misinformed

            The activities of your circle jerk don’t really interest me.

          • Mark Bisone

            And nothing you say seems to interest anyone at all. Could that be because you’re a boring, annoying, shit-for-brains loser?

            I’ll let you decide…

            (But the answer is yes.)

          • Mister_Misinformed

            Shrug.

          • Mark Bisone

            A perfect superhero name for you, my dear:

          • Mister_Misinformed

            You’re doing a great job of showing no one is interested in what I say at all. Please continue!

          • Mark Bisone

            I’m sorry. Does it hurt?

          • Mark Bisone

            Look… here we are, face to face. Like a couple of silver spoons. Wouldn’t it be better if we became friends?

            We can start by you telling me what you’re wearing.

          • Mister_Misinformed

            Sorry, gotta go toady and lick the asses of “the powers that be” so they will pin medals on my chest and elect me Senator to reward me for betraying the brave men of honor on the Red Letter Media comment thread. Gotta keep my priorities straight. See ya on the flipside, genius!

          • Mark Bisone

            Okay, you’re a senator. Cool. So it’s that S’n’M number, right?

            Now, tell me you love me…

            http://media.tumblr.com/48fc678346136d7e5bf6c7d8bf09fb17/tumblr_inline_mxdanxU7zx1s6fgo4.jpg

          • Percy Gryce

            Now you’re embarrassing me.

          • Percy Gryce

            You’re not really entering into the spirit of the thing.

          • Paul Schumann

            Saner than you, good sir.

          • Mister_Misinformed

            Thank you for your vibrant and intellectual “I know you are, what am I” response! The pretentious “good sir” at the end gives it that extra bit of class.

          • Paul Schumann

            *winks coyly*

          • Joe Syxpac

            You forgot the part where he married the ketchup (catsup?) lady to become insanely rich.

      • ILDC

        Stand-buck?

      • Pa Kent Says Maybe

        Well, that definition clearly applies to Captain America, then, but I don’t see how that applies, at all, to James Buchanan Barnes (“Bucky” is forever a name that can only be associated with a ten year-old Robin rip-off). Obviously, he’s not aware that he was once American. By that definition, he’d be fighting Hydra from the get-go.

  • Thanatos2k

    There were little kids seeing the movie in your theater too? We saw the movie at 11:50 pm, and there was this family with 3 kids, the youngest of which had to be like 5.

    Parents of the year right there.

    • ident

      They are. Dad works the late shift and he promised if Timmy got good grades he’d take them all to see the new Marvel movie. Dad was going to wait for the weekend but that’s when Mom has her 12 hour shifts at the hospital. So the kids may get sleepy, but Dad will keep his promise. Dad of the year.

      • LelouchtheFilial

        Plus, Tiny Tim may drop at any moment from his illness and all he wants is to see his favorite hero in action.

    • Jerry Jackson

      Screw that. I call it a service to their future geekdom.

      I take all my kids to every midnighter. Full cosplay if they want!

      • Thanatos2k

        Let’s just say they were from the “Urban Market.”

        Also they left halfway through the movie. I think they left after they thought Samuel L Jackson wasn’t going to be in the movie anymore.

        Oh come on, you know I’m right!

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          Had a 10 month old baby in our showing. Took time off of work to go to an early show to have fewer people there, and there’s a baby who needs a nap, being bounced behind us by the mom walking from one end of the theatre to the other.

          Are babysitters endangered? Is it really that hard to keep them at home?

  • Thanatos2k

    I started cracking up in the theater when Black Widow asked him where he learned to steal cars. My friend was utterly baffled until I showed him the Best of the Worst episode afterwards.

  • Byron Williams

    It’s Disney you have to worry about, but they already have most of the world’s money.

  • ident

    I don’t think there is any way to find that out. A secret they will surely take to their graves.

  • Thom Stone

    i enjoy how they edited in the old captain america footage into the trailer.

    http://www.audioshocker.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/cap-thumb-flag.jpg

    • Duckler

      Jingo Fonzie rocks.

      • LelouchtheFilial

        Ayyyyyyy… merica.

    • TapewormBike

      Ok, I might just have a certain craving, but his finger looks very…veiny.

    • maggit

      EEEEEEH!

  • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

    Has someone pointed out that Marvel Studios doesn’t hold the rights to X-Men and Spider-Man movies, Sony Pictures does?

    I feel like it might explain a lot about the more recent quality of X-Men and Spider-Man movies, that there’s a clear objective of not only cashing in on recent Marvel success, but so that Sony Pictures can keep the license to keep making them and making money from them.

    • ChaosIsBeauty

      Actually Sony just owns the rights to Spider-man and all associated characters, Fox is the one with the rights to X-men as well as Fantastic Four, most everything else is held by Marvel

      • Daniel Nguyen-Phuoc

        Thanks for the clarification! Though I think the same point can be made. Sony and Fox might be most interested in keeping their license, well aware that the brand sells itself, and coincidentally might make something pretty decent in the process.

        • ident

          The difference between owning and licensing isn’t semantic, but your point about quality remains either way. I tried to find some reliable source on whether Sony outright owns the feature film rights to Spiderman or just licenses it but couldn’t. If Sony has a license, is it subject to any quality-based approval from Marvel to prevent destruction of their intellectual property in the marketplace? If anybody knows, share.

          • ChaosIsBeauty

            most of the licensing is time based, I don’t recall how long it is but if nothing is done with the license in a certain number of years the rights revert to Marvel, it’s how Marvel got back Punisher, Blade and Daredevil recently

            it’s also worth noting that the license only extends to films and live action, anything animated and on TV is still Marvel’s

    • Thanatos2k

      Here’s an explanation:

      http://bitcast-a-sm.bitgravity.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/Marvel-movie-rights-infographic.png

      This also explains why Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch will be showing up in BOTH the next Avengers movie and X-Men movie.

      • Now I Get It

        I’m still confused. It looks like “Stan Lee is not for sale” and “Stan Lee can be bought” are both true. So, is Stan Lee an artist or a hack? Where’s the Venn diagram explaining that?

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          Stan Lee invented the Venn Diagram, and is simply there for promotional purposes.

        • Thanatos2k

          Consider him more of a mercenary, buyable for any amount of money.

          • Now I Get It

            A mercenary? Thank God he’s only here to kill us. I was afraid he’d come to do bad work.

  • ronin122

    It’s from “Match Game”, a game show in the 70s

    • Percy Gryce

      That’s like saying that Casablanca is a movie from the 1940s. Technically true, but infinitely understated.

  • cb75075

    But there was Hawkeye… and his 11 arrows.

  • Its_So_Dense

    I punched myself in the face halfway through the username. *tips hat*

  • William Lee Twitch

    I unfortunately saw Catwoman. Fortunately I don’t remember anything from it because I was drunk as fuck.

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  • cb75075

    But hawkeye…. 11 arrows… saves the world… with 11 arrows

  • Captain Turbo

    Never go full retard.

    • WrongWithYourFace

      He is Simple Jack.

  • Boehm

    Real Plinkett!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Boehm

    Well Captain America says he is a solider, so like a solider he kills people when necessary

    • Captain Turbo

      Technically he’s a super soldier so he should super kill people.

      • TapewormBike

        Or super kill people.

        • ident

          Or kill super people.

          • TapewormBike

            Fuck.

          • asscrackconvictedfelon

            super people kill or

          • TapewormBike

            Lets just say I would have been funny in a world where others are not.

          • Now I Get It

            Finally! …Seriously, though, I read your czompositions then I lay awakened over nights by worryings that you must have even speak English gooder than I’ve been write it. Mm-hmm.

          • TapewormBike

            I had been informed by a person of the female variety that I have a sexy accent though. I speak a bit of Russian too, so in case my girlfriend dumps me, I´m moving to America, hoping all women are Jamie Lee Curtis from Fish Called Wanda.

          • Now I Get It

            Sexy Continental accents I believe. In fact, I’m planning to initiate a no-strings affair with my landlord this summer, just to pre-empt a rent increase. It’ll be squalid, but she’s Serb, and I’m into that.

            And, yes, every N. American woman of any age is an impressive facsimile of vintage Jamie Lee. Just don’t unpack the old SNL “wild and crazy, swinging Czech brother” shtick. They’ve seen that bit already, and it hasn’t aged well. Play to your inexhaustible comic strengths.

          • TapewormBike

            Rent A Serbian Film, that´s a date movie if I ever saw one (I might not have)

          • Now I Get It

            Yes, a country whose porn is artier than its cinema . . . or its cinema is more debased than its porn . . . or something. But what the hell. That landlord’s gonna be one wild ride.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Unless you sound like Bumblebee Snugglesnatch from Sherlock, your sexy accent is not welcome. We’ll just mistake you for Borat anyway.

          • TapewormBike

            That reminds me to pop into the basement to feed Pamela.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Pamela Anderson and Pop shouldn’t be in the same sentence.

          • TapewormBike

            Sorry, slide into my basement, ram into my basement, doggystyle into my basement….

          • Joe Syxpac

            I think “fall into your basement” would be better.

          • Now I Get It

            Forgive me but I’m nagged that I might have buried my own point, which was that you not only write English with no trace of an accent but also are funny, which is a skill over and above having a second language. You’re funny in another language, which is like watching Meryl Streep doing an accent while she acts like a totally real person, and unlike reading Eugene Mirman, who is real enough but is somehow still foreign. It’s really kind of phenomenal.

          • TapewormBike

            Ahh, shush.

          • Now I Get It

            You know, some people will tell you that not showing the second dog in a master shot is bad storytelling, but I think shooting the first dog’s bliss in close makes the moment more real and sexy. Good work! . . . BTW, we can still see your dick in the frame, bottom left.

          • TapewormBike

            Why would I take a picture without my dick….I don´t understand..

          • TapewormBike

            The thing is, I really do both consume entertainment and educate myself almost entirely in English. In fact, I have a free weekend ahead of me and I just started to watch Ken Burns´ Civil War when I noticed your message.

          • Now I Get It

            Let me check your reply against my standard list: nothing here that I can comically misunderstand, no additional titles I can recommend, no personal anecdotes I can share, no analysis I can offer. Nope, nothing to do but faint, come to, then prepare for the invasion.

          • TapewormBike

            Prepare? It´s in full swing.

          • Percy Gryce

            Here, here.

          • Now I Get It

            Motion carried.

        • shuura84

          Did you feel it ?
          That was nonmedy…

          • TapewormBike

            (does the monkey arms)

  • Boehm

    Funny that like mace windu, another Sam Jackson character cant see betrayal that’s right under his nose. Hydra’s behind it all !!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Thanatos2k

      “I sense a plot to destroy SHIELD”

  • ILDC

    I forgot why they split up in the first place.

  • Cameron Vale

    Or “he’s not actually that helpful.”

  • Cameron Vale

    Also, I’m noticing a lot of negative feelings about the new TMNT movie. What do these people have against Mirage Studios? And don’t get me started on Harvey Comics.

  • Fangs

    Jay time.

  • Ludwig Scroggins IV

    This movie was eh. I was much more interested in the girl with the massive boobs to the right of me.

    • ident

      Son, your mother enjoyed seeing the new Captain America movie with you, but refuses to spend any more time with you in a darkened theater. She says you’ll understand.

      • Ludwig Scroggins IV

        Yawn. I expect better from you, Ident.

        • LelouchtheFilial

          She let you suckle on them a while ago, for Christ’s sake.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            He was a biter. Hence the bottle feeding and his love of formula.

          • Guest

            How else am I going to get the milk into my hot chocolate? Swig, suck, swish.

  • catnep

    I’d like an entire episode of shouting back and forth with Rich Evans.

    • Now I Get It

      What are you getting Taco for his, like, 2,000th comment or whatever?

      • catnep

        Dammit! You’ve caught me off guard. Well, for now, I stole some kid’s birthday cake…. Shh. Maybe he won’t notice. http://media-us-148799954183.s3.amazonaws.com/b/wp-content/blogs.dir/1/files/2013/05/star-wars5-300×400.jpg

        • ident

          Owen has parents who love him far too much. I hate him. I hate him so much.

          • TapewormBike

            …it makes you stronger.

          • catnep

            Oh, I don’t know about that. It seems to me Owen is just a convenient pawn in all of this. The parents obviously used him as an excuse to buy a way cool Star Wars cake for themselves! How could the average 4 yr old appreciate such a masterpiece?

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Owen is going to get Reactive Hypoglycemia from this cake and never be able to eat sugar again. He might even become comatose.

            And then, you will find peace.

        • Now I Get It

          I totally know what you mean. This is, like, every three months now. I’ll probably just give him a reply, maybe from my old ones if I can find something appropriate, and just add that I’m happy for him or whatever, but make it REALLY clear that I can’t stay very long.

          And don’t sweat the cake. Just tell Taco “You’re Owen now,” and he’ll roll with it.

          • catnep

            Good idea! I’ll recycle your “Owen” joke since I’m too lazy to struggle with the Dingus dashboard and Firefox is opening everything TWICE for me today, goddammit. Hey Taco, I “Owen” you a good gift!

        • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

          “Happy Birthday Owen”? Shouldn’t it be decorated with charred skeletons and burning huts?

          • catnep

            Haha…! Good catch. Yeah, it should have included a crispy bacon Aunt Beru etc., but that would have traumatized poor little Owen.

  • StopThinkingBrainUrGoingToHurt

    No mention on how this is episode 69 and how Jay and Mike should have released a sex tape instead? I am both ashamed and proud of the RLM community.

    • TapewormBike

      This is episode 69. Tee hee heee. Mike and Jay should totally release a sex tape instead.

      Anybody know how to stop a nosebleed?

      • WrongWithYourFace

        Try a vac.

    • Cameron Vale

      I’m sure that the end of episode 11 was a sex tape to some.

  • Jammeth Mango

    Funniest HITB in a while, sweet.

  • camelionstorm

    Except … [dramatic pause] … everyone!

  • Charon

    You guys are DA BEST.

  • Memoman

    So Rich, I mean Mr. Plinkett, showing up at the end was just to symbolize how nobody stays dead in these movies and therefore the looming threat of death for a main character is thus decoupled from all possible tension?

  • wape

    I hate it when they review good movies. Now I can’t watch the review because I fear the spoilers will, well… spoil the movie.

    • ident

      Well, since you made up your mind that it’s good, no need to see the review. Go watch it.

      • TapewormBike

        Am I the only one thinking that the guy has for his nick a way Elmer Fudd would pronounce “rape”?

        • Mark Bisone
          • TapewormBike

            George and Bill are now smoking a joint with Satan, laughing at us for a change.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Anytime I fly, I look down at the beautiful earth below and wonder how many people down there are fucking right now, thanks to George Carlin.

          • Boehm

            He’s down there, laughing up at us.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            You mean he’s looking up at my skirt? So offended!

        • wape

          I seldom use this acronym, since nowadays it has lost all meaning, but: GODDAMN LOL. And since you’re all holding your breath for an explanation: Vape/Wape was a nickname I got during the 5th grade and comes from my surname, Vartiainen. I changed the V to a W because I thought it looked cooler.

        • wape

          I seldom use this acronym, since nowadays it has lost all meaning, but: GODDAMN LOL. And since you’re all holding your breath for an explanation: Vape/Wape was a nickname I got during the 5th grade and comes from my surname, Vartiainen. I changed the V to a W because I thought it looked cooler.

      • wape

        Don’t get me wrong. I did watch the beginning of the review. They said in the first few minutes that it was good and almost recommended it off the bat and told that the rest of the video would be full of spoilers. I’ve come to trust Mike and Jay, so why would I spoil a movie that might wipe away the memory of the borefest that was the first (new) Captain America movie?

  • Meester Smeeth

    It’s so cute to see Mike, Jay and Mr Plinkett having fun together. Red Letter Media touch my heart right in its arse.

  • Gagarin

    Is it bad that I only wanted to comment on Jay’s teeth?

    • TapewormBike

      Not when you compare it to the part of Jay´s body I wanna “comment” on.

    • LelouchtheFilial

      I’d love to sink my teeth into Jay.
      I meant that purely in a sexual way– make no mistake.

  • TapewormBike

    You are right, the vomiting made the blood go away.

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      If you vomit in haikus, the blood turns into jelly beans. Vomiting in stanzas produces nonsense.

  • Paulus Cañamonjas

    I have the feeling you don´t want to review most of the movies you review. And I understand, it´s getting exhausting and pointless (same thing with Best of the worst,).

    What´s the point of reviewing all these blockbusters? You are constantly complaining about the state of cinema, reboots/refucks and stupid loud movies. Why even review them, then?

    As far as I know, people REALLY loved your Robocop review (the original one) as well as Jack & Jill; insightful and funny reviews. Most of us started with The Phantom Menace Review (I would thought), this means we like to talk about emblematic, dissapointing and relevant films. But we also like “weird” reviews like “Zaat”, “Things” “Worst best movie” etc. Just really good/bad movies.

    We love your humour and you are like a bunch of friends to us. That´s what we specially love, that sense of camaraderie; just some beers, witty banter with some nonmedy and black humour in it. And that´s why I keep coming, cause you are a little part of my life. But the material is getting worse and worse, I hate to tell you.

    At this point I have to ask:

    Are you afraid of reviewing the movies you´d actually liked to review?
    Are you afraid of your fan base?

    • LelouchtheFilial

      “Are you afraid of reviewing the movies you’d actually liked to review?”
      Refer to the last episode of Half in the bag.
      And, you know, the fact that Mike loves the Empire Strikes Back so much shows that he isn’t COMPLETELY averse to blockbusters. If those blockbusters are WELL-MADE.
      And who’s “we?” Did we elect you president of the RLM fan club?

      • TapewormBike

        Percy is weakened, but I totally wanna see them fight in an arena, Kirk vs. Spock style.

        • Percy Gryce

          Whom am I supposed to fight? Damn, I wish I had paid more attention to the hand-to-hand combat instructor in basic training. Plus I’m more of a lover than a fighter.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            “I’m more of a lover than a fighter.”
            That’s EXACTLY what I told Child Protective Services when I was trying to convince them I didn’t hit my child.
            Frankly, my wording could have been better.

      • Paulus Cañamonjas

        -I can tolerate blockbusters too. To a reasonable extent; they have to be WELL-MADE as you say.
        -Star Wars was a totally original franchise , and Empire Strikes Back was actually a movie that fans wanted to see. Lucas wasn´t saturating the market with so-so movies. Fuck, Mike even liked a lot of things about Titanic. That´s not the problem I have.
        -”We” it´s me and whoever agrees with me. Some kind of figure of speech, I guess.

    • TapewormBike

      Well, if you don´t like the content, o not watch it, simple as that. But the added narrative you put on it as your reasoning does not really apply. I mean, my guess is that the guys review whatever they manage to see that is at least semi current. And they always manage to make interesting points while being funny as hell (yes I am a fanboy, where is my Rich cock to suck on).

      • LelouchtheFilial

        You preempted the usual “lol ur just a RLM fanboi, lol, u cant take a little criticism” argument that you see a lot here.

        • TapewormBike

          Wha..? So, does that mean I won´t get to drink Evans cum?

          • Ludwig Scroggins IV

            I call sloppy seconds. I’ll keep a flannel handy for dabbling the chin.

          • Percy Gryce

            Ask Rich to eat a little pineapple beforehand.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Strawberry is better. Just saying.

          • Percy Gryce

            I bow to your infinitely superior first-hand knowledge.

          • Now I Get It

            Actually, both are known to deliver a palatable result, when combined with a firm regimen of prostate massage.

            http://www.kinkytesters.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/CalExotics-Prostate-Massager-3-1024×592.jpg

          • Percy Gryce

            “Using the whole fist there, Doc?”–Irwin M. Fletcher (Chevy Chase), Fletch (Universal Pictures 1985).

          • ident

            I can’t wait until I’m as old as you are.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            Whoa, whoa, whoa… did I SAY you wouldn’t get to?

    • ident

      I think RLM reviews what they want to review. They just wish the movies were better. That’s the impression I have, anyway.

    • Paul Schumann

      Really? They complain about the modern hollywood stuff and Captain America: Winter Soldier appears to be something that’s actually good. So I’m happy they put out a quick review as I’m sure they’ve got bigger things going on behind the scenes…

    • Mike Jakermen

      I enjoy their reviews. Even when i don’t agree. But sometimes i think they are a little too cynical.

  • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

    Although I actually didn’t like this movie, I do think that Marvel Studios are doing a better job of making super-hero movies than DC/Warner and the companies that own the Spider-Man and X-Men rights (Sony and Fox?). I mean, the Raimi Spider-Man was good, and Spider-Man 2 is really good, and I actually liked X-Men: First Class. But other than that, it’s all pretty weak.

    • TapewormBike

      I agree. Although, could anybody enlighten me on why people like the second Raimi Spiderman? I am a cynical Czech, so, maybe it just cannot get through to me. Molina I liked, but I would watch that guy in a snuff film.

      • LelouchtheFilial

        I first saw it in fourth grade, so maybe it’s nostalgia.
        But I thought that it balanced the Peter Parker persona and the Spiderman persona very well and showed how the two identities came into conflict WITHOUT it being a split personality thing.
        And, I’ve always had this nagging thought in the back of my head that said, “Okay, with great power comes great responsibility? So… does that mean NO power comes with NO responsibility?”
        The answer to that was ‘no’ because Peter rescued that little Asian toddler from the burning building WITHOUT his powers, showing that, deep down inside, he IS a hero– the powers that he acquired through chance or fate or whatever are just a means to his heroic ends. The tragedy of that scene was that he couldn’t save EVERYONE in the burning building because he was just a regular guy again.
        He didn’t just randomly get bitten by a spider in this movie. This time, in a way, he needed to EARN his power back. I liked that.
        For me, it was the perfect superhero movie. The only superhero movie I like about as much would be The Dark Knight.
        Yeah, I’m not crazy for Iron Man. Or any of The Avengers, really.

        • TapewormBike

          That was nice and really just proves the fact that I am too much of a jerk to enjoy it. The Marvel movies are all ok and that´s about it. Avengers honestly bored me for the most part. But none of the line of movies could be said to be bad, really.

          • Ludwig Scroggins IV

            What I want to know is how anyone outside the US can sit through a movie called “Captain America” with a straight face. It’s hard enough for a gun-toting jingo like myself. M’RICA!

          • Mark Bisone

            Don’t you mean “Captain Adventureman” and “Multinational Joe”?

          • Ludwig Scroggins IV

            Fuck you, sir. The Pan-Ethnic Adventure Squad (PEAS) has always been better than White Wasp Federation (WWF).

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            It’s Captain Adventureperson and Multinational Jamie. Stop being such a misogynist.

          • Mark Bisone

            Yeah… that get’s a follow.

          • TapewormBike

            I commented about that somewhere doooooown there:). But then I am also so invested in mostly american pop culture, that it would be plain hypocrisy to sneer at something like that. Now, let´s shut up and shoot some of ´em turrorists!

          • Ludwig Scroggins IV

            That’s ironic because I’ve always had this morbid fascination with Czech torture porn. Not a 1:1 comparison, but still.

          • TapewormBike

            It gets boring when all the TV channels broadcast it 24/7

      • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

        Honestly, I wrote that movie was really good because that’s my memory of it, but I don’t remember it that well. As I recall, I guess I’d say it was well directed, well acted (with you 100% on Molina), well written. It managed to be about things (maturity, responsibility) in a way that was comic-book obvious but not clunky or overbearing; it was about things in a cinematic manner rather than as a solid wall of expository dialogue. It was visually elegant, the shots flowed one into the other in a sequential manner rather than in the haphazard manner of most modern super-hero flicks, it understood that action is only involving if you care about what’s happening.

        And I liked that it was true to the basic worldview and moral lessons of classic Spider-Man comics: the world is unfair, and it owes you nothing; you’ll fail and fail again but you should keep on trying anyway, and in fact that’s all you can do when you inevitably screw up; doing the right thing gets you no reward and people won’t necessarily like you because of it, but you should do it anyway; if you can do something to help others, then it is also your responsibility to do so.

        At this point I should reveal it is entirely possible I liked that movie because I grew up reading old-school Spider-Man comics and still have an enormous fondness for them and hard luck Peter Parker.

        • TapewormBike

          I was never into old school Spiderman, but I had been told that the movie captures the essence of it.

        • Rob

          It was great for its time, but ever since ‘The Dark Knight’, people have been expecting a higher caliber of comic book films.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            A higher caliber which they’ve never, ever gotten.

          • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

            Personally, I think the Dark Knight is a lower caliber of movie. I won’t go at length into why I think it’s a mediocre movie (though if you’re interested, film critics Jim Emerson and AD Jameson basically express the same opinion I have of it, although I don’t actively dislike DK and Nolan’s movies the way Jameson does), but I’ll just say that I think both movies actually aim to cover some similar ground, but one does this by actually covering it while functioning as a light-hearted adventure, while the other wears its ambitions on its sleeve but fails to actually explore them and commit to their consequences. Two minor examples:

            1. Both movies want to convey a sense of inevitability. One does this by using a relentless, pounding soundtrack and having characters say things are inevitable; the other one does it by actually being infused by a sense that somethings are inevitable;
            2. One movie plays at darkness, ambiguity and a deconstruction of heroism on a superficial level, but ends with a triumphalist, rising score over a sort of rousing monologue while the hero rides off into the sunset; the other follows up the hero “riding” into the sunset with an ambigous shot of someone who looks like they know their life is irreparably fucked.

          • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

            You mean “Life is ireparably Foucault-ed.”

      • Now I Get It

        “Requiem Apache” rules! (For a TV movie.)

    • Marc Greene

      I enjoyed the movie, but I agree with you that Marvel is totally handling their properties better. I think they are doing their best to make a cohesive universe where many stories can be told. For instance, in the way they have the MMU set up so far, I could completely see a character like the Punisher existing in the same universe as a character like Iron Man or the Hulk. Compare that to MoS where I have problems seeing how a Nolan-esque Batman, Green Arrow, or Green Lantern could exist on the same planet with that alien 9/11 machine. I kind of get the vibe that the Marvel Studios approach of making at least DECENT movies that help expand on the overall setting is a better strategy than trying to be as daring a possible to reimagine each character to make them “edgy” at the expense of things not making sense in a larger context.

      Also, 1,000 Psychic Points (and 1 upvote) for your B.O.C. handle.

      • Alex Lee

        I attribute it mostly to experience. Marvel has been dealing with overarcing, complicated, messy stories for decades, whereas other companies simply haven’t. They also have people that really know the characters inside and out, so the characters feel authentic even though so much has changed.

        DC has only used a few of their Superheroes. I only remember Batman, Green Lantern, and Superman in the last 10 years. They haven’t touched Wonder Woman, no one takes Aquaman seriously, and the Flash is too hokey to become Nolan-ized.

        • Marc Greene

          I’d completely agree if DC hadn’t done exceptional work in the animated versions of their properties, both in series form (Batman the Animated series, Superman the Animated series, Justice League, Justice League: Unlimited, etc) and in feature length movie form (Justice League: Doom, Superman: the Elite, etc). I wish whoever was handling the majority of the animated properties (Paul Dini?) could be given the reins of the live action universe.

          • Alex Lee

            Oh right. I haven’t seen most of the animated stuff. i only remember the stuff from the 90s (so yeah, Batman: TAS, Superman: TAS, and only recently JLU), so recent stuff, I don’t know about..

          • Marc Greene

            I wonder if a part of the problem might stem from the choices of directors and screenwriters too. I’ve noticed that Marvel is sticking with (somewhat) lesser known directors who might have been a bit less eager to put their particular stamp on the properties and directors who were more beholdent to the comics because of a (stated) affinity for the source material. I mean at this point I can tell a Zak Snyder film from about 5 seconds of footage and to say you are a “fan” of Superman is about as daring as saying you are a fan of bread. Now saying that about Ant-Man or Guardians of the Galaxy? That will be both an opportunity for triumph and a very decent chance at failure. Either way, both movies provide an option for real creativity with a comic book story. We’ll see how it goes…

          • LelouchtheFilial

            I guess Bruce Timm was more of the animation guy.
            Yeah, just let Paul Dini write more for DC. Really, it’s a great idea. He won an Emmy for that shit.

          • Its_So_Dense

            I think those guys all work better as a team, and Bruce Timm is also a director and producer who could easily contribute his retarded knowledge about comics to any DC film project. Get Dini, Riba, Allen Burnett and Bruce Timm in the room, and you can very likely end up getting a deep, deep, DEEP story with intertwining arcs that MEAN SOMETHING and make you FEEL SOMETHING, as opposed to having arcs just to have them.

            I mean, think back to the Cadmus arc from JL:U. How incredible was that? Hell, even some of the stuff in Green Lantern TAS was great (despite that it was all just super-condensed GL comics with some adaptational changes here and there). I think the only problem a studio would have with these guys involved in writing movies, though, is that they actually know how to make bookended stories that reach an ending. DC doesn’t want “endings” now. They want what Marvel has. That’s the problem, too, because it’s a horrible philosophy. Why do the same thing Marvel is doing (and rushing it, at that)? They should dare to do something that Marvel doesn’t. Fucking idiots, man. Fuck movies.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            DC movies should be something of a deconstruction of the superhero genre, if you ask me.
            The Dark Knight posed the question, “Hey… is Batman actually making things WORSE?”
            And then they built the character of Batman back up again in Dark Knight Rises. It sort of felt like deconstruction and then reconstruction. I liked that.
            In Man of Steel, though, even though Superman’s very presence caused thousands to die, no one really questions it or casts any blame for what happened onto Superman, as people realistically would do. The moral of the story just sort of seemed to be “Superman is a badass and he doesn’t take ANY shit!” Really, Zak Snyder read ‘Watchmen’ and adapted it into a movie, so shouldn’t he… know better?
            The whole Cadmus arc sort of dared you to consider that the Justice League was in the wrong.
            I… don’t see that happening in any of these DC movies. It’s like Snyder and the writers grasped the destructive battles of the DC universe and never really came to grips with the… meanings of any of them.
            It sucks.
            Fuck movies.

          • Its_So_Dense

            Exactly. DC deals well with handling concepts and ideologies. Typically, when Marvel does it, it’s ham-fisted or kinda corny—but still acceptable. It’s just what DC has evolved into (especially in animation: Superman/Elite, JL:Doom, etc).

            Speaking of Watchmen, you’re right, he should know better. Hell, the DCAU guys handled the “wait, Superman is actually kinda dangerous” stuff way back in Superman TAS. There’s such a great wealth of established brilliance to plunder.

            I feel like Man of Steel wasn’t really “playing” to that—as if it was, you know, planned out (maybe it was, who knows? Perhaps that was the reason for blatantly showcasing the wanton destruction—to set up a reason for humanity to rail against Superman). However, with the reception of the film, I imagine that whatever they write into the sequel to reference said destruction, it won’t be “earned”, it’ll just be appeasement. “Well, we’re going to have to address this, soooo…”.

          • Alex Lee

            Maybe if the last line of Man of Steel was “he’s a dick” instead of “he’s kinda hot,” it might work better.

            I’m in the minority when I say this, but I think the colonel trusting him after the Smallville fight was fine in a “he’s the best we’ve got” kind of way. As far as the military is concerned, they didn’t really have a choice: either be nice to Superman or have no help at all.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            But, really, I think the appeal of superheroes is that they are people with godlike powers who are willing to work WITH people to get results. They’re people with gifts and abilities far beyond our own, and they do good without crossing the line into ‘totalitarian overlord’ territory.
            Man of Steel ended with Superman crashing a satellite into the ground and telling the army to go fuck itself, so… oops.

  • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

    I watched Winter Soldier, and it is a mess. A jumbled, over-plotted mess that’s put together with no sense of rythm or sequence. Personally, I didn’t like it.

    If they wanted to make a movie called “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, why not just have the movie start with a mission where Captain America comes across the Winter Soldier, decides to find out who he is (for spoilery reasons), and that’s the plot. Have all the twists and revelations come from that. That gives you room to develop Cap’s character, how he feels out of place, and his ethical at-oddsness (not a word, I know) with SHIELD and its methods. In the end he quits SHIELD. And this sets up another movie where the plot could be, I dunno, “Captain America is framed by SHIELD and is now an outlaw in his own country”, and that’s the one where he fights SHIELD.

    All this movies are over-plotted. They should watch some sci-fi action movies from the 80′s. Personally, I blame Nolan and all the people who confuse a convulated, complicated plot for a rich, complex story. They’re not the same thing.

    It might just be that I’m feeling that burnout sooner than Mike.

    • TapewormBike

      Not sure how much you know about the comicbook history, but I wonder if they are planning to touch upon Civil War. Then you would see what a clusterfuck looks like.

      • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

        I read the Civil War, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they go down that road. Especially if they get the rights for Spidey back.

        • TapewormBike

          Fuck I forgot how important he was in it:)

        • Duckler

          If they get Spiderman back, we’ll have to have yet another reboot.. Jeebus Aitch.

      • http://hardycases.com/ Hale

        Oh god, no, NOOOOOOOOO!

        I wanted to forget that ever happened!

        • http://kingengrishkube.deviantart.com/ kube Duke of Anjou

          Marvel forgot.

          • LelouchtheFilial

            Marvel forgot through the magical power of amnesia…


            What the FUCK?!

          • Its_So_Dense

            I actually have been thinking that they’d move toward a set up for Civil War, and then World War Hulk. I don’t know that I’d want to see that, but I’d commend them for pulling it off if they managed to even come close. They’re already broadening their cinematic universe with Thanos and Guardians of the Galaxy, so they’ll likely be able to introduce The Sentry and Blackbolt and all those other fucks without too much of a confused reaction. One major problem, though: can you really do Civil War without Spiderman?

          • Its_So_Dense

            Just realized that several commenters below have already stated the obvious about Spiderman. I should just delete my comment now; but I won’t, because I know that, someone, somewhere, will be made a better person by way of my words.

            Someone…
            Somewhere…

    • Will Wright

      Completely agree. Major letdown, and I am experiencing the same Hollywood burnout as you.

    • stryker1121

      Winter Soldier was far more straightforward than the tedious plot sinkhole that were Nolan’s films. Cap finds out Shield has been infiltrated by bad guys and he fights them..yeah it comes at us kind of fast but it didn’t feel messy.

    • Noah Roalson

      I agree. There were a lot of moments that had me rolling my eyes. Somebody sitting behind me even laughed at a scene towards the end of the movie showing one of the “twists” :)

    • Joshua Kelly

      LOL what? All Nolan movies are incredibly Plot heavy with ZERO charm or decent characters. Everyone is an overly serious turd.

  • Philip Kidd

    Saw this was up this morning then went and saw the movie today specifically so I’d fully enjoy this episode. Was not disapoint – and same with this episode, HITB only ever gets better :D

    • Ludwig Scroggins IV

      Literally the only reason I went to see this. Oh, and because the MILF next door took me in exchange for giving her a fuckjob afterwards.

      • Jeremy Davis

        WHAAAAAAAT?!

      • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

        That wasn’t a MILF, that was Pope Francis I.

        • Phil Davis

          That explains why she (he) kept crossing himself and asking for forgiveness the whole time.

        • Percy Gryce

          When a pope or king is the first to use that regnal name, you don’t use the “I” during his lifetime, dummy. Otherwise, carry on.

  • Ludwig Scroggins IV

    True. Cause they were both in that one film together: Bonnie and Clyde.

    • TapewormBike

      You mean Thelma and Louise?

      • Percy Gryce

        Harold and Maude?

        • Duckler

          It wasn’t Beavis and Butthead?

          • moleman124

            Bill and Ted’s execellent Adventure?

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth.

  • Percy Gryce

    “12A”? Is that the PG-13 of England?

  • Jeremy Davis

    Rich Evans is the sexiest mother*cker I have ever seen. How much money would it cost to give him a handjerb?

    • Ludwig Scroggins IV

      Hand jorb.

      • http://www.jasonrjohnston.com/ Jason R. Johnston

        Henjirb.

        • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

          “The Desolation of Herdjorb.” — JRR Coach Z.

  • Cy

    My favorite part of “Captain America: The Winter Solstice” was Samuel L. Jackson’s lightsaber thing he used to cut a hole in the ground. And then he used the force or something to make the dirt go away. Nice!

    • Ricky

      ok, so that thing melts asphalt, it’d be reasonable for it to melt dirt even faster until he reaches the sewage and…

    • Thanatos2k

      The dirt fell. Into the sewer.

      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        Why did you change your avatar?! I no longer recognize you!

        • Thanatos2k

          I *added* my avatar. Finally.

          • Cy

            You about ready to take over Dyluck’s body now? (Yay, Secret of Mana.)

          • Thanatos2k

            The picture was taken AFTER HE ALREADY DIED.

          • Cy

            Exactly, because Thanatos keeps waiting almost the whole game before finally trying to take him over. Silly game villains…

            Also, fun fact. You have 6666 hit points. The developers were doing, like, a thing.

  • Michael Hoobler

    Having the flash cards at the end was genius lol

  • JAGUART

    NEXT TIME YOU TALK TO RICK EVANS LIKE THAT, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO ANSWER TO The INTERNET, MISTER.

    • Beef Rockmore
      • Its_So_Dense

        I can actually hear him speaking the words when I listen closely. I guess this means I have The Shining. I’m fucked.

    • Captain Turbo

      The Internet is out of the office so please leave a message. Your call is very important to us.

  • http://nathanhawks.us/ Nathan Hawks

    A lighthearted, fun ending? What did I just watch, HitB or a classic Star Trek movie?

    • stryker1121

      I didn’t think the ending as light-hearted and/or fun..I saw it as a version of damnation, where hell is repetition.

      • Jason

        Yes, the ending was lifted straight out of Nietzsche’s Thus Spake Zarathustra. I’m surprised more people didn’t get the reference.

  • ChaosIsBeauty

    I’m still sore about that April Fools joke you guys played on us, you owe us a new Best of the Worst just on principle…oh hell who am I kidding you’ll do whatever you want and I’ll keep coming back for more, I’m beginning to rethink the relationship we have together RLM, you just keep hurting me and I can’t stop loving you

    • Its_So_Dense

      Schlockholm Syndrome.

  • Rob

    In my opinion HITB has been kind of stale lately. BOTW has been dominating until this recent April fools joke, but the Budapest Hotel and this one have placed HITB right back where it belongs. On the top of the list.

    • ThomasHFoolery

      Stay tuned for next HitB for a buttload of Stoklasa-isms and no jokes! (I say that like I’m ever going to stop watching them)

    • jizzbuckets

      Jesus fuck you have to be a giant hambone jelly ass neckbeard to find the april fools joke somehow offensive to you. Do you feel entitled sitting on your sweaty computer chair jerking off?

      • TapewormBike

        Yeah?

      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        It’s not a computer chair. It’s a throne.

      • hacketh mcfraud

        very. However how the fuck has rob seen the budapest hotel/cheap thrills episode and not remember them talking about how there’s no movies?

      • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

        My furniture of choice is a converted baptismal font.

    • Tommy Wiseau

      I am looking forward to the next Gamestation with my friend Rich Evans. Anyway how’s your sex life

  • stryker1121

    Thinking about this movie’s violence, it’s bloodless of course, but there’s a shitload of it. Dozens of deaths including an extra getting kicked into a jet turbine, and Robert Redford shooting his cleaning lady to death. So, could kids go see this? Since I’m wayyyy too busy for children, I don’t have any, but I’m not sure Cap is for the kiddos. Political plot would probably bore them to tears, first off, while the deadly mayhem presented on screen would obviously turn them into ticking time-bombs.

    • ident

      Robert Redford killed his cleaning lady? SPoILER$!!!!!!!1!!!!!1!

      • Ogrot

        How’s that spoilers he does that to all his cleaning ladies?

        He usually kills them with raid in his crawlspace. He uses the fast kill low irritant kind.

        • ident

          You’re thinking of Paul Newman, the guy whose face is on all the maple syrup bottles.

          • Domo_Konnichiwa

            I thought Paul Newman makes the donuts.

          • Jason Ross

            No, that was Dave Thomas, founder of Krispy Kreme. Thomas was a real person and used to hang out with Colonel Sanders, Bob Evans and Paul Newman in Fort Myers, FL. They were good friends.

          • Percy Gryce

            Paul Newman? I thought he was the guy with the kids’ show who got caught masturbating in a theater.

          • ident

            You’re thinking of Randy Newman, the folk singer who delivered mail to Seinfeld on that show Everybody Loves Raymond.

          • Percy Gryce

            No, no, no, you’re thinking of that early ’80s one-hit wonder:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0DK-0fIKCw

          • Its_So_Dense

            Ah, you mean Paul Verhoeven. To this day, most people still do not understand that he was satirizing public masturbation.

    • Veteran of the Psychic Wars

      I watched Robocop when I was a kid, and the only thing it did to me was make me unbelievably prone to violence.

  • Baramos x

    RIIIIICH!

    I’d say Captain America usually won’t kill somebody, but he’s not like completely antithetical towards it like Batman. Like if it’s a fair fight with some hired goon with a gun he’ll take him out if he has to. I’m pretty sure he killed several in the first movie (the best was by throwing them into a rotor). This one, he must have killed a FEW.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    I can’t wait for Avengers Disco Godfather: Jonathan Winters Soldier!

    • NotRickBerman

      That’s gonna be great.

      • Alex Lee

        It’s gonna be great.

      • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

        “Every frame is so dense.”

      • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

        “Every frame will be so dense …”

  • Kaingerc
    • Alex
      • Domo_Konnichiwa

        This set is as great as The Family Guide to The Internet. Needs more bouncy vans. And shrieking Diana Ross.

      • Thanatos2k

        God damn it I miss Will Sasso.

  • ident

    I’m sure that’s the reason.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Did you say woodland flower because it doesn’t get a lot of natural sunlight?

    • Thanatos2k

      He stands around inside darkened rooms all day, so yes.

  • Tommy Wiseau

    Ahaha, wow. Maybe I should make a superhero movie too. What do you think my friends, Mike and Jay?

    • Tommy Wiseau

      Maybe I direct in the next Spider-man movie, and also be Spider-man.

    • Phil Davis

      Does she has a name?

    • Alex

      Tommy, you should direct the next Fantastic 4, and don’t be skimpy with the drama or the heartbreak.

    • Rei Grim

      You should do Batman Vs Superman, starring Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy.

      • Thanatos2k

        Eddie Murphy as Superman, right?

        • Rei Grim

          Yup, and all the female roles will be also played by Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy.

    • Thom Stone

      only as long as the superhero is football-man and he’s confined to a total of 3 sets and his theme is ‘royalty free’

    • Mike Jakermen

      I did not hit her, it’s not true! It’s bullshit! I did not hit her! I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.

  • Alexandria Sanders

    Correct! No one saw Catwoman

  • Duckler

    Rich, Does Cap kill people?
    : I don’t know.
    CORRECT!

  • Percy Gryce

    All right, I finally saw this movie. Mrs. Gryce dragged me to a 10 pm showing in 3-fucking-D.

    It was fine. What does it say about me, though, that I thought the best line in the movie was the reference to Dr. Strange? When’s the next Plinkett review of the Dr. Strange movie?

    Also, no one has commented on the Sam Jackson-Pulp Fiction reference. I’ll send the first person to correctly identify that reference one of my kidney stones.

    Begin.

    • Chingotchcook

      “The path of the righteous man…” I got a good chuckle out of that.

      • Percy Gryce

        Book, chapter, and verse, please?

        • Percy Gryce

          Ahh, fuck it. Just send me your address.

    • Old Ben

      Ezekiel 25:17 on Fury’s tomb stone. The stealing a car reference was my favorite thanks to BotW.

      • Percy Gryce

        Correct, Old Ben. But too slow.

  • Percy Gryce

    And did anyone notice how HITB #69 was really a crossover with BOTW #17? Have they ever cross those streams before? I’ve heard that would be bad.

    And RLM thinks keeping the Marvel movies straight is going to be a challenge?

  • Percy Gryce

    *recockulousness.

  • Chingotchcook

    I loved the little Plinkett bit at the beginning. For a second, I thought he was gonna take over the review. Good stuff. And, as has been stated, the end was gold fellas. Keep on rockin’ in the free world.

    • Its_So_Dense

      It’s Goodfellas, not “gold fellas”. Check your facts.

      • Chingotchcook
        • Thom Stone

          i think its_so_dense and you are both doing a ‘thing’

          you got these ‘things’ from watching a plethora of rlm content. i know because it SOLD THEM TO YOU

      • roaroar roarar

        I think his phone autocorrected Goodfellas to gold fellas… Probably not, but it’s a good excuse, right? Too bad he could’ve used it and now it’s too late.

      • Lat

        He was trying to say the end was gold. It is just missing a comma between gold and fellas. As in, “The end was gold, fellas.”

        • Its_So_Dense

          The .gif below succinctly illustrates my response.

      • Sean Gall

        Unless I got distracted and missed a bit in this review where they even mention Goodfellas, which im doubting, Im curious how you came up with the Goodfellas connection at all, are you retarded? Or did you just want to try and bring someone down to your level of idiocy???
        Approve my post you FRAUDS!!!

        • Its_So_Dense

          Strange. I remember writing this comment, and I doubly remember the broadness (within the microcosm of the RLM Disqus pages) I’d tinged my humor with; and I specifically tailored it to appeal to intellectuals and idiots alike–a sort of one-size-fits-all of comedy, if you will. Live and learn, I suppose.

          Joke clarification time:

          I’m basically saying that you are lower than an idiot due to the fact that your particular inability to comprehend the childish joke failed to produce a blip on my radar.

          Then again, you could simply be trolling me (and I only say this so as to give you an “out” to save face, because you are likely so bereft as to be incapable of concocting such a trite defense mechanism for yourself). I am a helpful person, you see.

  • stryker1121

    comic book movie

  • Alex

    Can you guys please, please let Rich back into the house for the next BOTW review. You can throw him out afterwards, that’s alright.
    He should start going out into the world, doing his own thing like ‘BumStation 2.0′

  • Alex Lee

    I can’t believe that he got The Wolverine plot right. I mean, actual right.

    • LelouchtheFilial

      I ASSURE you, it’s only because they’ve seen it recently.
      Mike did better remembering than I did.

      • Billy_Whizz

        He remembered it better than I did and I only saw it a week ago!

    • Thanatos2k

      Jay got the plot of Iron Man 2 wrong though, even though Ri-I mean Plinkett said he was right.

      They don’t fight Mickey Rourke once, but twice! Once at the car race and once at the end.

    • netcrave

      I can believe it, because it wasn’t that long ago that they watched it. Obviously you would remember a movie better you’ve seen months ago over one that’s years old.

      • Alex Lee

        In the context of the joke, it makes more sense to be fuzzy about the plot. Actually getting it mostly right doesn’t further the joke.

  • Duckler

    It looks like Mike and Jay didn’t give The Winter Soldier the cold shoulder..

    I’ll just “get the fuck out!” now

    • Domo_Konnichiwa

      It doesn’t look right in italics. It needs to be in all caps. GET THE FUCK OUT.

      • Duckler

        I’m trying to hide from the pun police.

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          Are they better or worse than the Dream Police?

  • Rob Rose

    missed a pretty funny recurring visual joke sir.

  • joey

    that’s the spirit! Lame ass corporate infested bullshit…

  • Dasby

    Well…Captain America is actually a soldier, and often placed in war or war-like situations. So I’d say he’s largely fine with killing.

    • netcrave

      True, but it’s not like he’s the punisher or anyone like that. His sole piece of equipment is a shield, not a gun or a sword – says it all.

      • Sean Gall

        Um, He used a gun in the first movie….

        • netcrave

          Yes, but it’s not like this (or any other) gun is part of his permanent equipment!

  • phillipkslick

    I didn’t know Mike spent time in the Middle East

    • Percy Gryce

      And why is Mike holding a picture of Buster Bluth in Moose-limb drag?

      • Now I Get It

        I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Buster Bluth has never even been to the MIddle East, let alone worked under cover for a little unit called Hero Squad. So go dark already, by which I mean go back on your meds and certainly not anything having to do with maintaining radio silence in this time of grave national crisis.

        • Percy Gryce

          See, my purely visual joke would have been that much better if I’d actually seen all of Arrested Development.

          (I like Arrested Development, but, like Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels and candy floss, there’s only so much of it I can take.)

          • Now I Get It

            As the toxicologists say, the poison is in the dose.

    • Thom Stone

      if you look really closely, you can see that this man doesn’t weigh nearly enough to be mike. he only has two chins and the real mike has roughly 3 or 4.

      i know i’m being mean about his weight, but i love him regardless

      • Now I Get It

        Confirmed for bear.

        • Domo_Konnichiwa

          A Unibrow bear.

  • Percy Gryce

    Here’s the image I took away from this episode.
    .

    • Thom Stone

      Here’s the image I took away from this episode.
      .

      hey, there’s where my period went

    • Duckler

      Jay has broads on his mind. Confirmed for not-gay?

  • http://www.therobotspajamas.com/ RobotsPJs

    I had a lot of the same thoughts on my blog *cough cough* therefore I think these guys are geniuses because we have the same opinion on this movie.

  • Mike Jakermen

    I don’t see how Super-Hero movies today is any different than the Action Movies of the 80′s. They also had mindless action endings. Only they didn’t CGI. But if they did. I don’t think it would be any different.

  • Billy Nunez

    How times far sure we’ve have come changed

  • deerstop

    Nooo :( It was dull and unimaginative.

    • Jason

      They’re probably just subconsciously comparing it to Pyun’s Captain America movie, and by that standard it seems like a work of art. It’s something I like to call the Joel Schumacher effect.

    • netcrave

      It had humor in enough places without making it silly, lots of well executed action scenes, fitting and engaging plot. Captain America is finally someone who fights for something I can get behind – all too often I can’t care anymore about anyone or anything in movies like that. It’s a lot better than the first Captain America movie. What more did you expect? What more could anyone expect from a movie of that kind? The best action movie I’ve seen in a long time.

  • Robby

    He’s called Red Skull, not Red Skeleton, dumb fucks.

    • netcrave

      They know that, genius.

      • TapewormBike

        He knows they know. That makes him genius.

        • Duckler

          Man, even I knew that.

          • TapewormBike

            Yup, we are all genius..ae..s.

          • Taft you FUCK

            I have no idea what anybody is talking about right now.

          • TapewormBike

            Well, if you consider the weight of the blue orange, then maybe, but cossacks? Sure.

        • Malevolence

          I’m fat

  • beurbs

    I loved the 20-second Plinkett review at the beginning

  • Malevolence

    So damn tired of that 4G commercial…. “COME ON TODD!” -annoying screechy voice

    • Patrick

      It feels like a middle-aged marketing executive trying to capitalize on the popularity of those obnoxious little shits that make Let’s Play videos. So terrible

      • David Liao

        The guy is a comedian and on Parks & Recreation. I think they wanted to cash in on a different angle without creating controversy.

  • Duckler

    What does any of this have to do with the Care Boars..?!!

  • Cole Christie

    Wait, Mike and Jay actually liked a movie with a budget over $100 dollars. . . ;)

  • 24601

    Being a dad means I think of Jake and the Neverland Pirates when I hear the name Bucky.

  • HNSZ

    “If they’re shooting at you they’re bad.” – Anyone could be forgiven for missing this seamless edit, as far as I’m concerned.

    http://i.gyazo.com/1eebc462c7fe88804ccd93980f0db704.gif

  • Mike

    Thinking the same thing…Wonder what the reason is???

  • Stardog Champion

    Oh poor Mr.Plinkett…He just can’t get with the time : D

  • LS034

    Was Plinkett joking about the X-Men and Spider-Man movies being worse? Fox owns the movie rights to X-Men and Spider-Man. That’s why they are so different from the Avengers movies.

    • Víctor Chapa

      Wrong; Fox owns X-Men’s film rights, while Sony owns Spider-Man’s.

  • Jeffrey

    Aaron Rogers? Steve Rogers, dude.

    • Alex Lee

      Dude, that’s the joke.

      • Jeffrey

        Lazy joke.

        • Daniel

          might wanna go elsewhere for classier jokes

  • Pingback: Captain America: The Winter Soldier - Red Letter Media | Celebrity Planet

  • Joseph Pfister

    You cowards don’t even smoke crack.

  • Mr.Logical

    I love how Rich can’t even keep a straight face during the game.

  • Steven Simmons

    Cap will kill people but its not his focus. He doesn’t go to that first. He very much understands he’s both a soldier and a public face.

  • Peter Rivest

    Really enjoy the “Match Game” theme. But surely you guys are too young to remember that. (I can barely remember it and I’m much older than you… so you have to do what I tell ya.)

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  • Memoman

    I just noticed that the scene when The Falcon asks Captain America: “How do we know the good guys from the bad guys?” is shown everywhere, in every trailer, because it is in fact the whole plot summed up. And look at the two characters: A WWII veteran, the last black and white war, and a modern war veteran, from our time when war is more of an active branch of government than a historical tragedy.

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