Half in the Bag: Ant-Man

July 26, 20151,519 Comments

Mike and Jay talk about Ant-Man while minding the video game repair shop. This is part one of a two part episode! OMG!


Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Aw, first. For THIS?

  • Sully

    2st

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hack-fraudery begins 2 minutes in.

  • tOmy`

    Small victory. Get it? SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL.

  • instant relief

    Erster! I didn’t even watch their shitty video!

  • tOmy`

    Rape jokes! I love ’em.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Somebody’s been doing the raping. Gotta be.

  • Earth

    Dammit you fuck!

    This was my moment!

  • instant relief

    Use the force on the whores.

  • instant relief

    Stick a finger up my bottom for a free upvote!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Erst her? That’s not something even Bill Cosby would do on a date.

    [Laugh track]

  • tOmy`

    Fucking Marvel zombie fanboys. What is this, AntManNews?!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    WHO ASKED YOU, YOU FUCKING NERD!?!! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE, YOU FUCK?!

    I’ll share the moment with you.

  • Earth

    Very very good? I almost fell asleep through this dumb movie.

  • tOmy`

    Even AV Club wasn’t that impressed. And we are talking about a webzone that helplessly tried to justify Sons of Anarachy’s existence.

    Fair point: It did eventually break them.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Talking about falling asleep and getting raped…Have you marveled Marvel’s Marvel’s ANT-MAN from Marvel yet?”

    “Yep. It was marvelous.”

    “That’s right, Jay!”

    “Manufactured Marvel fun. Just like we were making fun of a couple days ago.”

    “That’s RIGHT, Jay!”

    END SCENE

  • tOmy`

    I think this one falls into the category I talked about few days ago: They can’t all be bad and fall into the same category of blue-laser-shooting-skies.

    Well, since we are doing this anyway: These movies are like Mexicans. They go to a theater, put people to sleep and rape them and some of them, I assume, are not that bad.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    YAY!!!
    now i can stop making stuff up and let Mike and Jay think for me!
    thank god! if i had to invent another movie my brain would have burst.

  • Earth

    That’s why I was surprised by them saying it was very very good. Then again, I’m being an asshole and commenting before watching the whole thing.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I want to upvote you for connecting Donald Trump to the Marvel Cinematic Marvel Universe from Marvel.

    I want to upvote you SO HARD!

  • Rob

    Do Pixels!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll allow it.

    Hell, I’m not gonna watch the whole thing, but I’m gonna stay an asshole, too. Plus, I’ll never watch the moopie and just assume they’re off their meds. We all know they love really bad movies, anyway.

  • tOmy`

    Wait a minute… this is internet movie review show? I thought this is all just a prequel to Space Cop reality show.

  • Sully

    Ant-Man humo(u)r! You know I love it!

  • tOmy`

    I just realized that Stewart actually called one of his segments about Trump “Rant Man”.

    Oh my god, it is all connected.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Honestly… my Cock Sucking Cowboy Trilogy is looking better after this than i thought.
    if my gibbering makes sense i must have finally gone insane or the whole world sucks.

  • omitted

    Jay, you’ll have all the time in the world to watch Star Trek in my dungeon basement closet.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Not enough Marvel in it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    earth is everywhere dude.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    There’ve been better Cosby rape jokes in the comment sections for four months running.

  • tOmy`

    I missed all of them. I guess I was asleep.

    Ha.

  • tOmy`

    “As long as they are fun, they are tolerable”

    -MCU

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Burn in Hell Dr. Marvin!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    After an innocuous cocktail,,,

  • Earth

    Marvel acting like it’s just the beginning when, from the general response I’ve seen towards the last two Marvel movies, it’s the beginning of the end.

  • omitted

    Fuck you Mike! Don’t blame us for bad movies! It’s all the chinamens fault!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Marvel’s China

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i feel sorry for the Australian band ‘Hilltop Hoods’
    one month before the current… welll its rape so lets say rape, controversy. they released their new single…..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aB16fJpoj-I

  • tOmy`

    Yea, there has been a lot of discussion about that song. But fuck it. It is one of my most favorite songs of past decade, so let’s just give it a roofie and a slip. I mean just give it a slip.

  • Buk Pravon

    Nooo. D: They are going to die at the pixel cross for Adam Sandlers sins. :'(

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Shit Pa its a 200 word pitch for 3 MOVIES, i you want to add plot or scene’s go nuts.

    http://redlettermedia.com/nerd-talk-sequels-spin-offs-and-standalones/#comment-2157601109

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I don’t. Fucking GAWD that song sucks!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Percy Gryce

    The boys have to go back and make special editions of all the old HITBs, where they put all the movie clips into that VHS-tape frame and where they expunge all references to Lightning Fast VCR Repair. And then they can destroy all the old versions of those HITBs.

    It’ll be great.

  • tOmy`

    Rich Evans hiding behind a rock required.

    #ObsucreReferencesAreLame

  • Palpatine

    Wow, episode 91. I can’t believe they made almost 100 episodes of this show. It just goes to show how committed Mike and Jay are. I can’t wait for the 100th episode!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Marvel’s 100th Episode

  • Sully

    MIKE, JAY, DON’T GO SEE PIXELS!! IT’S A FUCKING TRAP!!!!

  • omitted

    Nothing, Jay, really?! So being kidnapped by me and being forced into years of sexual slavery is starting to sound good right about now…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Marvel’s Pixels, on the other hand, is fun, fun, fun.

  • tOmy`

    All RLM base belongs to Sandler now.

    God, I am so fucking atrocious today.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you got to be dere fo NOSEBLEAD!!! Tis da shiz
    bitch!!!!!!(LIT: If you havent seen this song live you havent lived.)
    https://youtu.be/bSFT2OKcdk0

  • tOmy`

    He also started drinking water…

  • tOmy`

    It must have been a great night.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wait?! who are you talking to? I TOLD YOU TO TAKE YOUR BRAIN MEDICINE!!!!

  • Sully

    While Earth may feel ubiquitous to us earthlings, Andrew, it isn’t even close to actually being “everywhere.”

  • instant relief

    I think he is just pitching an idea for part 4 of the epic gay saga.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The universe is LARGE. Earth, comparatively, is SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL. Marvel’s ANT-MAN, now in every theater near you.

  • omitted

    Just responding to what Jay said about going to see Pixels.

  • Percy Gryce

    Hey, @Redlettermike:disqus, Jadzia Dax was a lieutenant commander in the sixth season of Deep Space Nine when “One Little Ship” takes place. Get your facts straight, you frack haud.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i was stage right. near the stacks.

    http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/media/s2624704.htm

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And that was today’s Fun Fact, courtesy Sir Gryce.

  • Sully

    No mention of the briefcase battle in the film? That short (motherfucking pun intended) sequence was so much more creative than anything in Avengers: Age of Adaline, and was one of the highlights of the film, immfo.

  • Sully

    *Fun Fact

    (fixed it for ya)

  • Percy Gryce

    Hey?! I had fun with it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ve lived. I’m currently living. I’m good.

  • instant relief

    Mike should have his own show where he talks about Star Trek all day.

  • Buk Pravon

    I would totally watch that! 😀

  • Sully

    Called “Nosebleed Section.” Filmed almost entirely at stage level.

  • Percy Gryce

    You took the words right out of my yap.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Pa i bet you….. would have hated it…. it was cold and rained and was cold.
    i got laid but is that worth 6 hours of free good music…..

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ew. We. Can’t. Be. Friends. (sad)

  • omitted

    SF Debris already does that.

  • Percy Gryce

    Can there be interludes where he talks about The Rocketeer?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Cameraman dont have time to BLEED!

  • Sully

    A Mike & Rich spinoff series. The RLM expanded universe continues!!

  • Sully

    Only if they fly me in for the discussion. I fucking love that movie.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    How dare you! call me human.

  • Sully

    Human.

  • instant relief

    I’m listening to Moby – Extreme Ways and masturbate to a picture of Jack.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Anthropomorphism!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Aw, snap! It’s own!

  • Sully

    That’s the most meta thing I’ve heard all day.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    The more serious HitB becomes the less funny it is….. wait WHAT?!

  • Like Icare

    Sooo… Extreme Jacking off?

  • omitted

    *love fucking that movie

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Why do you think they’ve always called it jacking off?

  • Sully

    Hey, man, I’m just answering the request per the grammar of your previous comment.

    http://i.imgur.com/xgz9nkR.gif?noredirect

  • Sully

    They’re synonymous.

  • Djorge

    Who the hell wanted an Ant Man movie

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, Chrissy. Two parts? They’re gonna talk about the meh-est Marvel movie since Marvel’s Last Movie TWICE?!!?

    Fuck me, it isn’t even January.

  • Like Icare

    But-fuck it.

    That was his intended plan.

  • Jillian

    Someone should introduce Jay to sunscreen.

    And not just as a substitute for hand lotion.

  • Sully

    ⏎ This guy.

  • instant relief

    Just like you, gampa.

  • Mike’s red waistcoat/blue T-shirt combo is the laziest Han Solo cosplay ever.

  • omitted

    *lube

  • Sully

    Speaking of lipstick…

  • Percy Gryce

    It’s the movie we deserve, but not the movie we need right now.

  • Like Icare

    Feminists.

    Cause they are anti-man and ant-man is a wifebeater with a small dick.

  • omitted

    Back off, fox!

  • Herpyderp

    Ant-Man was the first part. The second part will probably be the last episode in Half in the Bag, as I’m relatively certain they’ll both hang themselves at the end of this next episode.

  • Herpyderp

    Edgar Wright.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I think there must be something wrong with me.
    i just watched Mike and Jay Talk about a movie they quite liked, and they talked about it seriously…. and there wasn’t many jokes…
    now i know i’m insane but that didn’t feel right.
    is this a brick joke like the first star wars holiday special BotW.?

  • omitted

    *dick joke

  • Sully

    Sorry. I wasn’t aware you were into that sort of thing. I also wasn’t aware that I’m not your first fox. *sniff*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I guess I’m confused because I didn’t watch past the 2nd minute mark. The little blurb beneath the video says this is part 1 of a two-part episode. Why would the first part be about one movie, while the second part would be about a different movie? Seems to me that would just as correctly be described as two episodes.

    I’ve already given this too much thought, which is the sum total of all the complete thought I care to give it.

    Carry on.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    any jokes would have been welcome.

  • instant relief

    Do you like fish sticks?

  • omitted

    Only with custard.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    AMY?

  • omitted

    Oh, I thought you were cuming on to Jay. My bad. Carry on, my furry friends.

  • Herpyderp

    This episode ends with a cliffhanger for their next review. Thus, a two-parter.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’mma let you finish, but you gotta recognize, Bouncý makes the freshest Tartar Sauce.

  • Like Icare

    Can’t wait for “Aunt-man – the MILF Hunter” – the porn parody.

    Not to be confused with “Aint-man And the Transsexuals From Space”.

  • omitted

    The grrrrrl who’s still waiting.

  • Herpyderp

    Let’s face it, bad movies are a hell of a lot more fun to talk about. Which is why the next episode will be awesome.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    if part one is anything to go by shoot me now!

  • omitted

    Have to go or I’ll miss my train. This nice man in a cool uniform told me I must go with him!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    ITS SO FARRRRR! i’ll start walking to Finland tomorrow.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wait thats not me! JEALOUS!

  • instant relief

    I’m currently watching “The Internship” where Vince Vaugn actually googles Google. Yet the internet doesnt explode. So unrealistic.

  • tOmy`

    Being GrumPa about something you didn’t watch, didn’t watch the fucking review of and not even knowing what does it refer to is the newest low since Prince’s N.E.W.S. (Courtesy of allmusic.com)

  • instant relief

    Not me either! Who’s gonna take care of my hard-on now?

  • tOmy`

    I was more than skeptical about this movie. Trailer made me a bit more curious and now I assume I will wait for the torrent and check it out.

  • diehounderdoggen

    Guys, I don’t know if I’m looking forward to the next one. It’s always nice to see Mike and Jay grump out about movies, but everything I’ve heard about Adam Sandler’s I Wish I Was Still a Teenager paints it as a miserable experience.

  • Palpatine

    Has anyone turned on the Bat-News Signal yet?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Why you so hateful, bro? You’ll miss me when I’m gone. Which is in…1…2…3…4…2…2…3…4…3…2…3…

  • Percy Gryce

    May the ghosts of Welles, Kurosawa, and Ray forgive me, but I kinda liked that movie.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    YOUUUUU BASTARD!

  • tOmy`

    I think they are all busy masturbating to Suicide Squad trailer now.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *forgive haunt

  • Palpatine

    There are Bill Cosby rape jokes in the beginning, does that count?

  • Palpatine

    Pa’s gonna love than.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Et tu, Palpy?

  • tOmy`

    He is the devil.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    dude i’m tired. i spent all night trying to make a gay action trilogy!
    maybe tomorrow.

  • Herpyderp

    As Mike and Jay noted in the episode, they’re watching a lot more films now (especially blockbusters) than they did before HitB. It’s easier to appreciate safe, enjoyable fare like Ant-Man when you see some of the stupid fucking movies infesting cinemas nowadays. You can only be a cynical asshole in small doses or it’ll completely consume you. That’s why they’ve seemingly lowered their standards. Marvel films are a lesser evil in Hollywood. They’re soulless corporate film-making, but competently made soulless corporate film-making.

    Then you got the next film they’re going to review…

  • instant relief

    Yeah… so far it’s actually kinda serviceable… *cough* That may be the alcohol speaking tho. 😉

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Marvel films are currently THE greatest evil in Hollywood. Until the Star Wars thing ramps up.

  • Palpatine

    Believe me, you and our pals from Batman-News are gonna get along great.

  • instant relief

    Okay, I’m counting on you, baby.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC3y9llDXuM

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its 3,4,2,3,4.

  • Herpyderp

    Why?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    HAVE YOU SEEN THEM!?

  • Palpatine

    I’m looking forward to it.

  • Strelnikov

    Pixels…..sweet fucking Christ. The movies no longer speak human language; it’s all money now.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I love that song! are you stalking me!?
    if so look up Weezer…..

  • tOmy`

    Civil War ain’t gonna have shit on that.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’re implying they are stupid, and therefore I will love them because I am stupid?

  • Herpyderp

    Yes. They’re safe, populist entertainment based on children’s books. Nothing more, and nothing less.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    welllllllll……

  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh thank GOD i was worried.

  • instant relief

    So do I! I love those 90s rock songs <3

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZLfasMPOU4

  • Palpatine

    No, I just want to see you own all them for being stupid DC fanboys with your superior mind.

  • Like Icare

    Having rewatched one of the older RLM videos the answer to their question and your problem are obvious – make it an adaptation of Goldilocks and 3 Bears.

    Just make Goldilocks a dude.
    The rest writes itself, with him testing beds and porridge until he finds the one that fits just right.

  • Bubs

    First!
    ETA: SHIT

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They’re lazy and consistently non-creative, pandering to the lowest common denominator. They exist to generate money and nothing else. Empty movie calories for empty minds.

  • Butt fuck it?

  • Markham

    Ant-Man? More like Bland-Man.

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Like Icare

    Masturbation MAY lead to accidental suicide.
    Just ask David Carradine about bangin his cock in Bangkok.
    Oh… wait… you can’t… cause he died doin that…

    ASK HIS GHOST THEN!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i wish people would stop taking most of what i say seriously…. it would save so much time.

  • Palpatine

    It’s hard to tell if someone is being serious or not on the internet.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    OK. Since the new rule is one has to see something before one can comment upon it, you’re all gonna run out to see PIXELS now, right?, so that your bashing of it next week is honest. Yeah?

  • Herpyderp

    The same charge has been leveled at blockbuster films since the first Star Wars. It was bullshit then, and it’s bullshit now.

    By the way, existing to generate money is not a sin. Nor is “empty movie calories,” and if you believe such disposable entertainment is only for empty minds, then fuck you, you elitist prick.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I… well you just… its about how you phrase… FUCK IT!
    i want a ironic font! douche bags have ‘comic sans’ For fucks sake!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no! i wrote an epic vomit covered review yesterday. im done.

  • Like Icare

    No, the new rule is that if you take a joke you read online and tweet it to someone, police will break down your door and fuck the wall with your dead skull.
    Or something to that effect.
    http://betanews.com/2015/07/25/twitter-censors-plagiarized-tweets-that-repeat-copyrighted-joke/

  • instant relief

    Here’s a little something for omitted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvEwLfRGcT8

  • Palpatine

    No way, I don’t wanna die, I’m too young!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i would vote for that.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You kiss your momma with that mouth, boy?

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    What can science man and vest boy tel me about the science behind Ant Man?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I don’t make the rules. I just enforce them.

  • Palpatine

    I haven’t been drinking tonight officer.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you dun walked into the wrong room BOY!

    https://youtu.be/1pB7PzdLzSA

  • Adzl33t

    Most of the characters were bland and bore me, like daughter, generic antagonist, and shallow love interest

    I really didn’t like love interest who acted like it’s at a bad 90s RomCom, and not as cool as Wasp from Avengers Earth Mightest Heroes

    But the worse character was perhaps Mexican stereotype, who may the worst character since Kat Dennings, and I demand a Hispanic superhero

    I can’t wait for Pixels review

  • Like Icare

    Science man is of no use there. You’d need an ANThropologist.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=JPfamikeU3E#t=836

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I certainly haven’t had a cunt drinkstable ….

  • Adzl33t

    Rick and Morty tonight at 11:30

  • omitted

    On the train now. So many fine looking soldier boys here! They’re taking us to this camp-like thing and they said there would be communal showers as soon as we arrive. Can’t wait!

  • Palpatine

    Miles Morales is half Hispanic.

  • Like Icare

    Voting? Since when can you vote what the police will do to you?

  • omitted

    *Marvel-apologist

  • tOmy`

    There there, you are right, we should have told you that the second part of the review is gonna be about Pixels; the second part being a tie-in to the story.
    And we could have told you that BatmanNews are mostly retarded-manchild and that you would be a great destroyer of their hopes and dreams.

    But then again, it is quite funny to push buttons and see you lose your cool.

    And don’t even get me started on hip-hop music.

  • instant relief
  • Like Icare

    Marveliars.

    They spin things. That’s a good trick.

  • Adzl33t

    A Hispanic character that does not not leech off the popularity of a well known White male character, like Blue Beetle… normies don’t know who the first Blue beetle was

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    HA HA no.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Are they joking a lot but won’t tell you why? and saying things like, “Juden unt der Homosexual ist alls Auslanders!”
    is it not to be racist… a cattle car?

  • Palpatine
  • Like Icare

    Morales is HALF Hispanic?

    I got nothing…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fGWt_4TM-k

  • Andrew Thompson.

    because i’m a dictator. one man. one vote.

  • shogunmaster

    Is it sad that I’m more looking forward to the RLM ‘Pixels’ review than anything Marvel has cooking up in the future?..

  • Andrew Thompson.

    NO! i hate that song. just post Nickleback or Limp Biscuit. if you want to hurt me.

  • Palpatine

    Not at all. I’ve been looking forward to it ever since the trailer first appeared.

  • Like Icare

    I thought that @omitted:disqus was the designated dicktator… ah well…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaVA6sgOpws

  • Cyvaris

    I love that Mike and Jay pointed out the similarities to The Rocketeer. The Yellow Jacket reel scene really did remind me of that movie. It was well done in that regard.

  • Cyvaris

    Oh yes please, I cannot wait for that to happen.

  • omitted

    They made an announcement about the train being a half an hour late from its schedule, so I think I’m gonna be okay.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i think you’re on a train to Poland…. probably best to get off if you can.

  • Palpatine

    One other person is typing…

  • omitted

    I’m always trying to get off! I was thinking about asking one of those cute soldiers to help me with that…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    2 minutes in and yup I predicted their review verbatim in last comment section. By the time their gonna give a Marvel movie anything less then high praise is when the world is gonna end.

  • instant relief

    Baby, don’t hurt me no more.

  • Like Icare

    So it’s safe to say that everything is proceeding as you have foreseen?

  • instant relief

    They been hypnotized.

  • omitted

    *being type-cast

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i know but the bastard never posts. i think the other comments scare him off.

  • instant relief

    Dude, you’re as good as dead! Trust a german on this matter! You wanna run away from that place as far as you can!

  • Palpatine

    Ha ha ha ha ha!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    here is a song thats not creepy at all….

    https://youtu.be/lrpXArn3hII

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Ask him if “when on MANeuvers if he cooks food, or prefers Meals Ready to Eat?”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’re the one who brought Prince’s worst album into it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    is there any RLM videos with out a rape joke?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    too soon:(

  • Palpatine

    Nope.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i couldnt think of any.

  • Palpatine

    Rape jokes, they love ’em!

  • tOmy`

    Gimme some credit, I had to use Google and read a review or two.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    who wouldnt?

  • instant relief

    Who’s Bruce Springsteen? Is that like an indie rock band?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Well you’re Clearly WEST German… otherwise your Opa would have it on Cassette Tape hidden with his Yankee Blue Jeans! .

  • Like Icare

    You can ask the sun in its jealous sky while they walk the fields of rape.

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/04/17/article-2606532-1D26EEEC00000578-678_634x422.jpg

    Incidentally, the person in the photo is one Bob Hardman, employee of Daily Maily chasing a bird across the fields.

    Of rape.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2607104/Watch-birdie-Video-fugitive-Rhea-six-inch-claws-located-golf-course-Nuthampstead.html

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh! So you haven’t even heard it?!! And you’re slagging it off based on a couple of reviews!!?!!

    Well, listen, friend. I’ll have you know, I listened to all 6 sides of that thing. SIX!!!

    If there’s something I AM authorized to speak on, after that, it’s Suck.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you listen to Prince?… UNSUBSCRIBE!!!!

  • Fat Mike

    Wow. So many butt-hurt Marvel haters on this site.

  • tOmy`

    Fin-fucking-ally.

    Or, as ommie would have put it: Fine-fucking-alley. Or Fin-fucking-alley?

  • instant relief

    Who you tryin’ to get crazy with, ese? Maybe I was east germany all this time without telling you?

  • Like Icare

    Is that like a backstreet where lawyers (i.e. sharks) go to have unprotected sex?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    this was boring. i’m bored.
    Was this an ironic way to show that repeating a formula ad nauseum without new ideas or at least a joke is boring.
    was that the joke? is this VIDEO A JOKE!???

  • mister man

    Jack would be an Adam Sandler fan.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wrong!

    #TeamJack

  • Like Icare

    This video is a prawn.

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Andrew Thompson.

    that makes sense… i do hate prawns.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *fucking Fin in an alley

    (Gawd, tOmy, you are so bad at the * thing.)

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Yeah. That’s about what I’d expect from a zombie that worships a corporate brand-using the word hater as an argument.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    They’re talking about how Marvel has no room for a creator’s singular vision, apparently completely forgetting that James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy is an extremely James Gunny movie, and, indeed, he’s said that after he turned in his first draft he was asked to James Gunnify it some more. It was sad that Marvel parted ways with Edgar Wright, but that seems to have been the exception rather than the rule in their collaborations with talented filmmakers. (I admit my impartiality is suspect based on my user name and icon.)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hater. I’ll allow it. But “butt-hurt”? Only seven year-olds say “butt-hurt”.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    more like 20 year old man-children with seven year old mental emotional maturity. real children just enjoy their shitty comics. they don’t need to pretend it’s artistic integrity is on par with Mona Lisa.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jon Favreau, who started the whole fyucking thing and wanted off after getting raped, has a word for you in Aisle 7.

  • Palpatine

    Prince is awesome!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Have you been a cunt, though, son? Out of the car. Out of the car NOW!”

    END SCENE

  • instant relief

    I am from west germany. How did you guess, Captain Gestapo?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    As far as “talented fillmakers Marvel hired” Edgar Wright is the only one that actually qualifies for that title. Nor Joss Whedon nor James Gunn nor any of those other “talented artists” would pull off the astounding technical craftsmanship of something like The Cornetto Trilogy. They just film “witty” dialogue scenes filmed in a flat angle for 2/3rd’s of the movie and be done with it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    OK just watched it again and they spend 18 minutes excusing the way movies are made now and 4 minutes sucking Edgar Wright’s balls. this was the worst HitB ever.
    And i love Edgar Wright’s balls.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no. no not ever.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’d upvote you, but I’m assuming Edgar Wright’s balls hold no attraction for me.

  • Palpatine

    Why do you hate him? Is it because he’s black?

  • Jason

    I get the distinct impression that the Bill Cosby bit was a meta-commentary on the RLM comments section: topical, yet inappropriate, inflammatory and irrelevant (you like that alliteration? yeah you do. don’t fight it. you know you like it. dirty girl.)

  • Palpatine

    What makes you think that?

  • tOmy`

    Topical? What the fuck is that?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I was never a member of the NAZI Party! i had a few drinks and left.

  • Jason

    the ointment you’ll need afterwards.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ointment that you put on the place that is sore or irritated.

  • instant relief

    *tropical

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jinx!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no its because he is short. i’m heightist.

  • Sully

    Even GotG is loaded with shit that connects to the MCU. The thing that helped Guardians out is that since it takes place in another galaxy it was so far removed from the other characters there was no need to shoehorn in outside heroes. That said, the entire plot HAD to revolve around the infinity stones, and is to Infinity Wars what Iron Man was to Avengers. I’m sure Gunn, even though he was allowed to add his stamp to the CU, would’ve preferred to of had more say in regards to story, villains, and overall direction.

  • Palpatine

    Like when you have a blister on your nutsack?

  • instant relief

    Maybe they finally jumped the shark and gave up.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Aw, Palpy. Has that happened to you?

  • Palpatine

    No, the doctor said it’s just a liver spot from being too old, but I don’t believe him.

  • Sully

    The line to suck my dick begins behind you, Andrew. Quit cutting!

  • Like Icare

    Don’t knock Kat Dennings. She has talents.
    http://i.imgur.com/CQS9t.gif

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Ve in der Gaystapo have shown him das power of der Discoteque Ballz.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Are you sure its not a burn from Mace Window? you could be entitled to workplace compensation.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wait to see the nonsense it’ll take to shoe-horn Chris Pratt into the Russo Brothers’ “vision.”

  • Sully

    “Inappropriate… Inflammatory… Irrelevant.”

    Some of us have feelings, ya know! Not me obviously, but some of us.

  • Sully

    HYPOCRITE!!!

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of feelings: Where is your Domo’s avatar?!

  • Palpatine

    And the next will be the best one ever.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    who? i can make them suffer.

  • instant relief

    Downvote! Not all germans are nazis, you racist racist!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yes. i accept that…. why this time?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i know that. i helped draft the racial segregation laws…. i mean the kittens for everyone laws.

  • Sully

    My guess is the Guardians won’t show up till Part II, and won’t be directly connected to Earth’s heroes, minding some of the more strange characters like Vision, who may follow Thanos back into space (Maybe Thor will go too). Who knows? It can be done though, but it’ll take some serious kid gloves.

    I’m interested to see how Batman v. Superman will explain Wonder Woman and Aquaman in the established DC universe.

  • instant relief

    Awww, I like kittens. Let’s gas only the annoying jews today.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i hope so. at this point i think i’m insane because i have never been this bored watching RLM. Pre Rec maybe but not real RLM.
    i hope its me….

  • Andrew Thompson.

    oooh. there may be a problem… i said kittens for everyone….
    we could take the kittens off the jews, but we would look like monsters…..

  • Fartastic

    Dammit, where’s the schedule for all HitB episodes until 2027? I’ve got plans to make!

  • Sully

    Too small. I didn’t think anyone would be able to tell what it was. Plus Domo is doing an elephant for Maybelline, so what was that about feelings?

    WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS, MOTHERFUCKER?!?!

  • Palpatine

    I see what you did there.

  • Sully

    Figure 1 per month, give or take a month.

  • instant relief

    It’s not like that stopped us before…

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Michael Collins

    Sounds like it might be a fun movie, not much more to say really..

  • instant relief

    I did a hooker last summer.

  • Sully

    As far as I know this one only has 9/11 jokes.

    http://redlettermedia.com/best-of-the-worst-the-star-wars-holiday-special/

    Though there may be some Wookie rape referenced in there.

  • Sparkles Peterson

    So when are you releasing the timeline for the Space Cop Cinematic Universe? You know we need to plan out the next 27 years of our lives, right?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    what do you do with the bodies? me and Omitted can offer 100…. no for your 200 euros a body.

  • instant relief

    I recommend spraying Raid in there. You gotta go the fast kill low irritant kind. It’s in the blue bottle. It works the best.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats no good we cant sell organs to china if they are full of poison switch to strangling. less damage to the Wetware.

  • instant relief

    Wetware? Is that a goldenshower reference? I could use one right now. Just to relax a little you know.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    if you’re not going to take this seriously i have about 20 russian serial killers dying to work with me and omitted.

  • instant relief

    Oh, yeah? Well if you got trouble concentrating I might have just the camp for you, mofo! 😀

  • Domo

    Oh man. Rich and Jack are gonna be wearing the same grey polo at the next HiTB review. I won’t be able to tell them apart.

    They look EXACTLY the same!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i new trailer every 9 months till january 2021 when Disney buys the franchise rights and make 16 movie in a month.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Please when your country has the balls to send refugees to CAMBODIA!!! call me back.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Can you imagine this without the laugh track? It would be like watching a snuff film.

  • Sully

    Now even the jokes in the comment section are spinoffs?!

    WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s the problem with the DC “cinematic universe” in a nut-shell. These characters, unlike Marvel characters, are universally known. Therefore, they don’t have to be introduced. Instead, they “have” to be rejiggered to be “relevant” for a “new audience.”

    It’ll be, sigh, great.

  • Sully

    So… awkward, but somehow funnier?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so its not just me! this wasnt funny.

  • Sully

    I’m looking forward to the distruction of Metropolis… again.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    What? I can’t have a Domo avatar? What’sWrongWithYourFace is getting a Domo avatar. It’s just a little avatar. PaKentburg. A little itty-bitty thing.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Domo’s here dude pay attention

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Ant-Man is the most awkward, uncomfortable, unsexy, uninteresting thing
    ever, it just makes everybody feel bad, there’s nothing, there’s no
    amusement to be gained bad or good from Ant-Man. Ant-Man is a cesspool
    of human filth. It represents the worst of humanity, absolute worst of
    humanity. It reeks of desperation. Desperation on the part of the people
    that decided to release it to the cinema, desperation of the people who
    just wanted a fucking job. Desperation for the director who just wanted
    booze. Making people feel terrible in the process. I thought it was a
    piece of shit. I would never recommend it, I would never watch it again,
    I didn’t think it was funny, there was no redeeming qualities,
    everything was terrible.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Why are you telling me that? You think I don’t know that? It’s so weird you thinking I don’t know that.

  • Sully

    No. You can’t. I’m stingy like that. It was our thing. IT WAS SPECIAL!!
    Now it’s like prom night handjobs. Everybody’s getting one.

  • instant relief

    I’m sending refugees to cumbodia 24/7, mate.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    [Laugh track]

  • Sully
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, it’s ok if Domo makes mine a little less colo(u)rful and pretty, if it’s that important to you. For me, I’ll just always appreciate that Domo made an elephant picture for me. I don’t want you to get your fox feathers all-fluffed.

  • Sully

    “feathers?” YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FOXES!! YOU DON’T CARE!

    You don’t care…

  • Fartastic

    I guess mediocre minds think alike.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It was an alliteration thing. Jason started it!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Did you tell him that’s not where your liver is?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Pa and Sully are fighting over which one you love more…. you might need the ‘Warm Milk Funnel.TM’

  • Sully

    Well I’m still gonna blame Andrew.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m not fighting. Foxy’s just feeling insecure.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    to late i dobbed on both of you to Domo.

  • Sparkles Peterson

    Mediocre minds think alike and mediocre browsers don’t update the comment section automatically.

    And since no one else took the bait: 27 years is what, 3 more Space Cop movies?

  • Domo

    Awww, yeah. Sherlock gifs!

    Blubberdick Scratchnsniff is so adorable when he’s an asshole!

  • Sully

    Insecurity is common with beautiful creatures, elephant man.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    1 up vote for Blubberdick Scratchnsniff

  • instant relief

    It’s time for a holiday in cumbodia.

  • Sparkles Peterson

    Nah, Jack is the fat one.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Blubberdick Scratchnsniff.” Best Benedictine Cumberbund play yet.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Where you’ll do what your told.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Pachyderm-shaming is bullying.

    #StopIt

  • Sully

    Now imagine if Jack was still sporting his cranal fuzz and face fur.

    http://onmilwaukee.com/images/articles/up/upfunnyordie/upfunnyordie_fullsize_story1.jpg

  • Sully

    You’ll be extinct soon enough and my rise to power will be that much closer.

  • Return of the Living Jaws
  • Hamish Smith
  • Sully

    I’m going swimming, motherfuckers. No commenting till I get back.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    (You know, just a little basic photoshop and you coodda changed that green tee shirt gray. Which woodda made the joke that much better and proven to us how much you cared are deserving of the lone Domo art piece inspired by a webzone identity.)

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Domo

    I love all of you, except when you’re assholes, and mean, and make fun of movies that I like, and become super cynical, and wear funny little hats, and host “Let’s play dress up” parties without me, and have rampant animal orgies with furries and don’t even share the selfies you took…

  • Sully

    Traitor! How’s my back blood taste now that you’ve snatched out your dagger?

    (I realize there’s a lot of room for fuckery in that comment. NO, OMITTED!! NO!!!)

  • instant relief

    I always do what I’m told. Want me to lick you bum?

  • Sully
  • Return of the Living Jaws
  • Sully

    I’m about to walk out the door to go for a swim. I’ve no time, Maybelline. Maybe you could shop something for once IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!!

    Pound Sign: I’llDoItWhenIGetBackBecauseI’mAPushover

  • Palpatine

    Thanks for that, now go delete your account again for no reason.

  • Sully

    I don’t take selfies during orgies. Besides, it not like you share your pics.

  • Domo

    Ooh. Have fun! Don’t dunk your face in the water!

    http://media.giphy.com/media/9M4v8FmjFt8aI/giphy.gif

  • Otto T

    Avengers Age Of Ultron, the Thor movies, first Captain America….

  • Otto T

    Do you guys not have a comment moderator ? 😐

  • Domo

    I would like to think the original purpose of a selfie stick was to conveniently take selfies during orgies. And you had to go ruin it.

  • Return of the Living Jaws
  • Palpatine

    We, but he only shows up when things get ugly.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So, um. Rarely then do you love us?

  • instant relief

    Damn it, disqust, I already posted a reply.

  • omitted

    So… never?

  • Domo

    You mean you host more “let’s play dress up” parties than I even know about?!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Um. We, um. We don’t call them that. Um.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Needs more BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!!

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    we, don’t you mean oui

  • Palpatine

    Are you asking if I mean “yes”?

  • Domo

    I can’t hate you guys! You’re all the weirdest freaks, geeks, and antiques in the galaxy.

    And I love galaxies!

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Lethal Weapon 3… Joe Pesci, what the fuck were you thinking? I mean seriously dude, you’re giving Johnny Depp’s Wonka a run for his money, hell, Jar Jar is looking good, Jar Jar!!

  • Domo

    So after watching Ant-Man, a trip to the LEGO store was at hand! A purchase of the Ant-Man variety was to be made! The set even had giant legos and ants!

    Here’s our little Ant-Man purchase. And if you don’t like Ant-Man or anything of the sort, there’s a dog in the background that completely shares your sentiments!

    http://i.imgur.com/12gJnEz.jpg

  • Palpatine

    Is your dog a ghost?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    None of those got anything remotely close to a negative review. In fact didn’t Mike said he would give Age of Utron something like B-? that’s pretty damn high for that cinematic excrement.

  • Palpatine

    Joe Pesci and Jar Jar Binks should never be in the same sentence.

  • Bubs

    When’s the next episode of Pre-Rec? I hope they do a bit on how Fallout 3 is a great game.

  • Palpatine

    Did you think it was a great game?

  • Domo

    Unlike Marlowe, who’s a cop dog, my dog is Ghost Dog. She even has her own album!

    http://a142.idata.over-blog.com/3/04/67/79/FILMS/Ghost-Dog-02.jpg

  • Palpatine

    She looks more like Bored Dog in the picture.

  • Domo

    It’s the drugs. She stole Jay’s stash, ingested it all at once, and is now suffering from withdrawl.

  • Otto T

    “e their gonna give a Marvel movie anything less then high praise”

    4 okay ratings outta like 8?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Goodfellas, probably the greatest actor of all time… Lethal Weapon 3.. but then again…

  • Otto T

    Maybe another is in order.

  • omitted

    More like Half in the Pacman, amirite?

  • Bubs

    Is your dog secretly president Nixon in disguise?
    http://postimg.org/image/3n9y528o3/

  • Bubs

    Mesa Joe Joe Pesci! Yousa wants mesa to get mesa shinebox?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t know about “ok”. If you go back and rewatch em it consists mostly of nothing but positive feedback. The recommendation always end up positive anyways. Maybe that’s not high praise but it’s more towards that end of the stick as opposed to a truly meh/negative review.

  • instant relief

    Aaaaah. I hate disqus. I posted like 3 replies already but they never showed up.

  • Bubs

    Well it took 12 years to make, so yeah.

  • Bubs

    I almost shit myself laughing at “Velocidad”. First of all, you can tell that whoever came up with that schlock thought he was so fucking clever. Second of all, he really should be part velociraptor and part dad.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    One Show That Sucked – American Idol. That show was so bad I feel bad even mentioning it. Indeed, and I think most people agree, anybody who enjoyed that should be shot on site, hell I should be publicly shamed for even bringing it up. That’s how bad it was. Anyway that was my ”One Show That Sucked” segment for the day, now here’s a word from our sponsors… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7PmAZnO3Po

  • Domo

    I’m just glad Mike mentioned that the film felt like The Rocketeer. I would mention that to people, and everyone was all “What the fuck is the Rocketeer?”

  • Just like Disney bought Star Wars, Marvel has bought RLM. Mike better come with his eyes bleading from Pixels or I’m unsubscribing this politically correct BS.

    #sadnass #sadlonelynass

  • Like Icare

    Mesa amuooose yousa? Mesa make yousa laugh?

  • Bubs

    #TotalBadNass #TapDatNass #DoingTheNassty #NassGotClass #NassRape

    Sorry I got carried away. And I may have gone too far in a few places…

  • Like Icare

    Needs more of that Allen Funt pervert touch.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvnoZMWA5lQ

  • Like Icare

    Jack is the fat one.

  • Domo
  • Otto T

    I’m not sure why people who seem to be upset that they liked Ant Man are so upset about it? You think they were paid off by Marvel Studios ? After mentioning HOW THEY HAD ABYSMALLY LOW EXPECTATIONS AND THEY LIKED THE MOVIE FOR BEING DECENT WHICH WAS HIGH PRAISE COMPARED TO THINKING IT WAS GOING TO BE A PILE OF CRAP.

  • Like Icare

    That’s the title of the next episode.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    finally, somebody gets the joke 🙂

  • Like Icare

    Shame on you Domo.
    By buying that plastic you are a part of the problem.
    We need to stop feeding Disney’s capitalist pig not stuff it with more slop.

  • Palpatine

    But, does it have pixel art graphics?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That is because the Marvel movies are perfectly acceptable products. They are always fine (despite what some people, including me, might think of Iron Man 3, Thor 2, or Incredible Hulk). Making a funny episode, you know, when Mike and Jay completely lambast and deride some awful movie, is not easy to do with the likable and fine Marvel movies.

  • Palpatine

    Workers of the World, Unite!

  • Domo

    I used to work at Disney. I’ve done my time.

  • tOmy`

    Why would we need one?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    According to the leaked plot, the destruction this time will happen in an abandoned part of Gotham. This way buildings will be empty, and WB will be covering their asses from people complaining about innocents dying from collateral damage.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I got it because “reference”.

  • Like Icare

    In desperation, I sometimes rewatch old episodes…

    Few more rounds and I’ll start quoting them in public. And then I’ll be hospitalized against my will. And by hospitalized I mean chained to a radiator. Medicines are expensive. Chaining someone to the radiator works almost the same as a double dose of thorazine. I’m told.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, this plot about the game store, and Rich’s Pre-Rec cutouts, was it all pre-planned to coincide with the release of Pixels? Or is it all just like poetry?

  • Domo

    I’m not sure RLM plans 3 days ahead much less 3 months ahead.

  • Like Icare

    OH MY GHAAAAWD!!! You’ve been brainwashed!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    *Half in the Man’s Pac..kage.

    I don’t know what I’m doing.

  • Like Icare

    Revolution will not be twitterized, yo.

    It might be shared on Facebook though.

  • fred

    Villian Man could have been acted by Jon Malkovich

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’ll take “perfectly acceptable but soulless”, over “absolutely misguided and still soulless”, like what Warner is doing with their movies.

  • Bubs

    To delete all the comments that disagree with me and offend my delicate sensibilities.

  • Domo

    This scene would have helped the ending of Ant-Man be even better!

    https://media0.giphy.com/media/j6Xw56xWheXPq/200_s.gif

  • Booger

    So back to 9/11…

  • Like Icare

    Leave him alone youse guys!
    You know how hard it was to grow up with a name like Blubberdick?

  • Bubs

    I’m pretty sure no one thinks this.

    DSCW is making the point that the hack-frauds-incarnate spend half their time complaining about how Hollywood is just making shameless cash-grab SuperHero movies, then they spend the other half of the time saying they were “pretty good” and that people should “go see it”. It’s what they call a contradiction stupid.

  • Like Icare

    It’s like back to the future only now terrorist actually want Doc to make them a bomb out of a pinball machine.

  • Epifanes

    Oh, another superhero movie. Great.

  • Otto T

    Who cares if it’s a cash grab if it’s good ? Every movie released in mainstream theaters is a shameless cash grab.

  • Bubs

    At first, I didn’t get all the Bill Cosby jokes in the beginning, so I had to go google it. I didn’t believe all the stuff they were saying about Cosby, but then I found this image which PROVES Bill Cosby is a cereal rapist:

    [Warning: Graphic Content]
    http://s29.postimg.org/9ul5iulav/Bill_Cosby.png

  • Booger

    I’ve been a fan of the Marvel movies since Iron Man but Avengers 2 was too much. The more I think about it the less I like it and the more exhausted I feel with the MCU. Ant-Man was surprisingly smart and fun. As long as they make good movies they’re fine. Next up, Cap 3 where the Avengers fight each-other…

  • Palpatine

    They’re never going to end.

  • Buk Pravon

    Avengers who fight each-other? Woah. Never seen this before. -.-

    I feel alike about Avengers 2. The only difference: I already felt exhausted while watching it the first time.

  • XAV

    I’m sure they’ll love Pixels.

  • Jay Stein

    I’d say it was a “good” game. I tried for 3 years to finish it and finally uninstalled it

  • Jay Stein

    I can’t wait to see it! (true statement, not sarcasm) but my up-vote was

  • tOmy`

    His t-shirt should say: “Say hello to my little black fr-

    Nah, I can’t do this.

  • tOmy`

    I think the general assumption is that they plan 3 beers ahead.

  • You know sfdebris is based out of that region of the country and knows about redlettermedia. Maybe he is just an elaborate nom de plume for Mike.

  • Jay Stein

    Don’t say “Milk” I’m very allergic

  • Domo

    Snap. Crackle. Pop. Bill Cosby!

  • Jay Stein

    How many orgies do you have?

  • I right with you but Guardians of the Galaxy was good. When they make superhero movies but not in the superhero movie mold it works well. From what I hear this is another Guardians of the Galaxy.

  • Palpatine

    It’ll be like fork in the brain, fork in the brain, fork in the brain.

  • Jay Stein

    Mike and Jay are doing the best they can with the materials at hand, I mean just look at those pixelated art cutouts…

  • mister man

    He’s the lamest dude.

  • Booger

    Who said I wasn’t?

  • tOmy`

    My general impression of Avengers: I saw the first one. It was good. I had fun, didn’t feel like I wasted my money. Then the second one came out and I forgot I even care. I haven’t seen it till now and if I ever see it, money is riding on it being a “get stoned, watch shit” type of a case.

    What does it say about these movies? I am not sure. If someone were to tell me that there is gonna be a new one after seeing the first one, I would most likely be much more stoked.

    For me it is that they grab my attention (if they grab it properly, I even see them) but within few days, they become forgettable, whether I like them or not. It is odd.

  • Jay Stein

    Marvapologism

  • Jay Stein

    Sorta like Mark-ham

  • Jay Stein

    My Eye-Doctor told me to stop masturbating

  • dollar store cashier wife

    GoTG was by the numbers as it gets. The internet seems to have gotten an impression that suddenly sticking a CGI racoon in your movie makes it nothing less then avant garde.

  • “Get out of my car and into my dreams”?

  • Jay Stein

    I’m still going to get Jurassic World and Ant-Man on Blu-Ray, oh yeah and Fury Road

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Besides, in the comics Gotham has been destroyed five or six times over the past twenty years. Nerds will look like complete idiots if they complain about it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Likable and fine. Eh.

    That’s OK for the store-brand variety of oatmeal, but breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so why settle?

  • Or like an anal cancer.

  • Like Icare

    Bill “Pound-That-Cake” Cosby.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I don’t know, the whole thing feels like a cynical response to the audience’s reaction to Man Of Steel. Everything, from sticking Batman in it because of fears that Superman can’t carry a movie by himself, to everyone hating Superman for the deaths from the fight with Zod (something that apparently wasn’t even hinted in the ending of MOS), to now making sure that fights take place far away from where people might get injured. Go die in a fire Zack Snyder, burn in hell Warner Bros., burn in hell Dan Didio.

  • Put the bunneh back in the bohx.

  • Zippy-dee-doo-I love pounding that cake.

  • Like Icare

    It’s pure instance.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Can’t argue with you. Yet, your preference is bland paint-by-numbers Marvel movie-making, and I can’t get with that, either.

    It’s not gotta be THAT or THIS. Among the glut of these movies, there have only been several that have been good. A few that have been real good. We need more of those, less of what we’re getting. (If we need them at all.) Probably fewer of them altogether would help to make them seem special again.

  • instant relief

    It still has anal in the title, so I guess it could be fun.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Bubs

    Each episode takes 12 beers to make, so you know it’s gonna be good.

  • tOmy`

    Here is my unpopular opinion on GoTG:

    Ted (Ted movie) > Raccoon (GoTG)

  • The Ghost

    It was very refreshing to see a Marvel film that didn’t end with a giant blue laser shooting up into the sky. Unlike some other films that might or might not be coming out in the near future.

  • Was this one of the Olsen twins?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yeah. The lead singer is the one who always said, “Wotchoo talkin’ ’bout Willis.”

    Wait. What?

  • Like Icare

    Speaking of American Idol…

    I’m flipping through the channels in desperation and on RTS2 (Serbian national television from Serbia) there is what seems to be some kind of a sports event opening.
    Only the time of day is wrong cause it’s already night here and it’s day on TV.
    And there’s a military guy and some blonde and military guy is calling everyone his brothers and sisters. In English.
    And there are USA flags everywhere.
    And then the US national anthem starts and it is particularly military with extra drums.

    And it turns out that the Serbian National TV is for some reason showing the yesterday’s opening of Special Olympics.

    Talk about retarded TV programming. Hashtag.

  • Zach

    PIXELS? Godspeed, gentlemen.

  • Bubs

    Ewwww, Van Halen alert. At least it wasn’t Roth…

    Still, you gotta warn a guy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nobody warned me when Hulk took Black Widow from the rear.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    People keep calling that a superhero movie, as if Star Wars is a superhero movie.

  • I described the picture in detail. I don’t see the problem. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VaEdKwXJhM

  • Like Icare

    Nobody expects Hulkish analyzation.

  • Palpatine

    What is a superhero movie exactly?

  • SeanLM

    I’m surprised they didn’t mention the young Michael Douglas puppet in the beginning of the movie. Pym Industries is apparently located in Uncanny Valley, California.

  • Bubs

    Hey wadya know, we agree on something! GoTG could just as easily have been called “Space Adventure Movie”. The only thing that ties it in with any of the other marvel schlock is the branding. It’s just a fun movie for all ages. Any attempt to see it as anything more is a huge mistake.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    A movie with a superhero in it.

    There isn’t a single superhero in Guardians of the Galaxy.

  • What chu talkin bout, pa? Are you saying maybe?

  • Palpatine

    So would you call it a comic book movie then?

  • Like Icare

    But would you steal it? Bill wouldn’t. Cause his street was full of eyes or something.

    He had to make sure those eyes were closed to make his move.
    Ergo, rape-drugs.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes. It qualifies as that because it’s based on a comic book. But, as far as its genre, it’s space fantasy. Like Star Wars. If you want to get general, it’s fantasy. Like Lord of the Rings or Wizard of Oz.

    Doesn’t look all that special does it, when you get the comparison right?

  • Palpatine

    So what’s the difference between science fiction and science fantasy?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Science fiction is speculative in nature and has some sort of “recognizable as science” elements. Science fantasy is just the usual fantasy / fairy-tale tropes in spaaaaaace.

  • tOmy`

    Sci-fi is more science. Sci-fy is more fantasy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    [Laugh track]

  • You Got the Problem

    Mike, you don’t run a video review show. You are the pope of a video review cult.

  • Like Icare

    I like the fact that the poster also included the version of the video without the little prepubescent girl intro and ending.
    And the fact that about 3000 people took the advantage of that convenience.

  • Uncle Dan

    I’m still a little disappointed that there was never a review of “The World’s End” or any larger Edgar Wright discussion. Oh welll…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Reviewing a good movie on HiTB that isn’t a blockbuster? Great joke Uncle Dan!

  • Uncle Dan

    I dunno, I’d never heard of “It Follows” before their review. Or a number of smaller movies which got a reasonable enough following.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I jest. The reviews that are for something other then blockbusters do exist even if they are just a small minority.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’ll allow it.

  • Sully

    12… but you wouldn’t know them. They all live in Canada.

  • Sully

    So countless deaths are acceptable, as long as they’re homeless. Is that right, WB?

  • Sully

    You need new friends.

  • Sully

    Does anyone actually own a selfie stick? Is that really a thing? I thought it was an SNL or Onion joke.

  • Sully

    Back from swimming. Looks like none of you is capable of following orders.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Insert Jack looks like Peyton Reed joke

  • Domo

    You pound that Jell-O mound.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Adam Sandler is funny bro, what do you know?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s my head, Lang! IT’S MY HEAD!

  • dejectedchuckle

    A life motto, that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They waited this long so they can tear Pixels a new asshole? I doubt it unless it was planned by that fucker Rich Evans.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You mean not aged well because it hasn’t.

  • Like Icare

    Chocolate and vanilla swirl! What does your mouth say now little Ron Howard?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UMR6J4UGCE

    And the best part is – you always have one hand free for… other things.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHpUMCrnUNE

    Aaah… drug-rape. The gift that keeps on giving.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Because they don’t fucking care!

  • Buk Pravon

    I’m sorry. 🙁 The urge was too strong.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Thank you, Movie Bob.

  • Domo

    You’re gone for like an hour, and everyone here just goes:

    http://i.imgur.com/UgJFJRR.gif

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You poor soul, a comment like will attract Omitted.

  • Buk Pravon

    I’m not afraid! 🙂

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix

    MFW Mike references Star Trek

    http://i.imgur.com/kO57J3k.jpg

  • Whales

    Five hundred and Sixth!!!!!!!!

  • jnorris441

    That DS9 episode was just absolute dog shit

  • Domo

    So I remember a DS9 reference in the Star Wars: Attack of the Clones review, where people had to prove they weren’t shapeshifters by drawing blood from their hand. I think this HiTB is the only other time you guys have done a DS9 reference.

    Does this have special meaning? Like, are we gonna get a new Plinkett review now? Is Vincent Price gonna review more techno-gadgets? Are we finally going to look great and feel great like Florence Henderson?

  • Alex Lee

    It’s so weird that it’s set during season 6-7, when the Dominion War was happening. Especially since the Defiant is a warship and not a science vessel.

  • Buk Pravon

    They did one or two other DS9 references in the Star Trek reviews. /smartass

  • Like Icare

    Yeah… It’s like the beginning of the Dirty Dozen in here.

    Minus the hanging. And the US anthem played like a funeral march.

  • Jean-François Martel

    i have zero interest in this movie no matter what tbh… YAYYY CONTENT

  • Domo

    So does that mean a new Plinkett review is coming sooner, then? Does that mean that 70s show dad is gonna change the timeline and we’re gonna get more Plinkett reviews than we ever had before?

  • Buk Pravon

    It sure does. 😀

    … I guess…

  • tOmy`

    Half Life 3 confirmed.

  • Domo

    For a second there I thought you were gonna say Justified.

    I’m so disappointed in you.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • tOmy`

    I was thinking about me not doing Justified routine for quite some time now, but I am gonna re-watch it at the end of the summer, so I am pretty sure it’s gonna come back to me.

  • SeanLM

    The Marvel brand is being diluted and TV is one of the culprits accelerating the inevitable. I can’t imagine that AoS, Agent Carter, or Daredevil are anyone’s favorite shows. They seem like “watch-out-of-brand-loyalty-rather-than-affection” sort of products.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Has no one talked about how fucking trippy the ending of the movie is?

  • Palpatine

    Feel free to use this to your heart’s desire:
    http://i.imgur.com/EkFFdFC.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Actually Daredevil is a really good show and is probably the best thing in the MCU.

  • Domo
  • Domo
  • Palpatine

    Yeah well, mine’s 1366×768, and yours is 960×542! So ha!

  • Palpatine

    Yeah well, mine’s 1366×768, and yours is 960×542! So ha!

  • Sully

    2.5 hours, but yeah… basically. And you guys think I’m the animal.

  • Sully

    2.5 hours, but yeah… basically. And you guys think I’m the animal.

  • tOmy`

    #misogyny

  • tOmy`

    #misogyny

  • Alex Lee

    I can’t wait for the payoff to the murder sting.

  • Domo

    #BillCosbyny

  • Thanatos2k

    Spoilers yo

    The best part about Ant Man is Ant Man is pretty much a villain. He destroys the headquarters of a
    publicly owned company because they didn’t like the independently
    developed technology being worked on there. They attack a dozen security
    guards just doing their jobs, and endanger hundreds of lives imploding
    the building. What an asshole!

  • Like Icare
  • Palpatine

    Rich said in the Nerd News video that Ant Man also beats his wife.

  • Palpatine

    That sounds like how Brian Butterfield would say it.

  • Sully

    In the comics Hank Pym beat his wife. Though they never show anything like that in the film, Hank does tune a dude up in the first 40 seconds of the movie for basically speaking his mind, which I think was about as close to a nod as you’re gonna get in a Disney/Marvel film.
    I think that’s one of the reasons they wanted to focus on the non-Hank Ant-Man, so that they can side-step the controversy of the character.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Domo is a hipster

  • Domo

    Aren’t there a lot of articles also where the drawing of that scene wasn’t intentional, and that they wanted to re-draw it but didn’t have the time?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Janet was also kidnapped by Ultron and he tried to turn him into his girlfriend.

  • Palpatine

    Who’s Janet?

  • Thanatos2k

    But they explain that in this episode. They have no problems with the movies themselves, they just get a little disgusted by them planning out 18 movies into the future.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Janet van Dyne, The Wasp, Hank’s wife

  • SeanLM

    I hate “funny” characters like Foggy who are only funny because the other characters in the fictional world laugh at his stupid jokes but we the audience know that he’s an unfunny douche. I found the show to be borderline pretentious. I hope season two has more of Wilson Fisk staring at a wall or wall-like painting. The show needs an editor. Not every conversation needs big long pauses in them so that we can take in just how deep it all is.

  • Domo

    If I was a real hipster, I would have posted a gif from a site that no one knows of. Like a little corner of the internet that few have heard about.

    Some site like Batman-News.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So is the internet needless complain and hate machine moved on from Nolan to BioShock Infinite to now the MCU?

  • TapewormBike

    As ar as I know in the normal continuity that hapened once (and was pretty fucking weird). Mark Millar then took that and made him a total abusive asshole in The Ultimates (with The Wasp first going to Cap and then actually sorta returning back to Pym). Of course, we have The Ultimates 3 by Loeb with an even weirder relationship….

  • Thanatos2k

    Is Batman a super hero? He’s in the Justice League.

  • Domo

    It’s the Circle of Life.

  • Like Icare

    Hank is married to a transvestite? Or did he try to fuck Ultron?

  • frankelee

    Mike likes ‘Iron Man 3: The Hackening’, but he’s waiting for the comic book movies to end? That makes less than no sense.

  • Sully

    Yeah, the hit was originally supposed to be accidental, like he was throwing his hands up in dispair, and he unintentionally smacks her, causing her to get upset at his outburst, but the artist decided to make it a full on right cross, and there was no time to redraw the page before the deadline for print, thus history was made.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No, that’s Caitlyn Jenner you asshole

  • Palpatine

    I have no idea what your talking about.

  • Like Icare

    Caitlyn Jenner fucked Ultron?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did you mention that fucker Jeph Loeb? Please continue as I hate him now.

  • TapewormBike

    It involves incest too.

  • Palpatine

    Awesome!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Or Retard 13 Year Olds as Jay put it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You asking me? No: He doesn’t have superpowers. You asking anybody else? Yes: Because he wears a silly costume and fights exaggerated evil.

    There are enough superhero-y elements in the Batman mythology that I understand the confusion, even though I don’t have to be happy about it.

  • TapewormBike

    Now? Now? Btw, he is a bad writer, but I can’t hate him, because he seems like a good guy and I think he lost his son.

  • SeanLM

    Marvel now just sprinkles HYDRA into everything to make anything the characters do acceptable. I think Captain America leaking all of SHIELD’s classified information onto the web made him a villain. He’s a “hero” for leaking the names and locations of undercover agents who will likely be killed now. He’s a “hero” for leaking the blueprints to all of SHIELD’s tech online so that any dictator can get access to them. I’m sure the world is much safer now that Dr. Doom can build a helicarrier. Civil War is going to be a battle between two villains.

  • TapewormBike

    Or just 13 year olds

  • Like Icare
  • Thanatos2k

    Did Mike really think they cared about science at all in this movie? They apparently think titanium is magically impregnable.

    Also, you don’t have to go sub-atomic to pass through a seam in the welding. You can just go atomic instead. They do know there’s a LOT of room between atoms, right….?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I hate him now because ever since he started to write those Superman/Batman comics he has gotten worse and worse and worse and now just makes money as hack fraud executive for Marvel. This man wrote great stories like Superman For All Seasons and The Long Halloween but now he’s a hack fraud who gets a pass because of his name.

  • TapewormBike

    If you eat only bacon you will hate it eventually.

  • Domo

    Ahh, so is it then up for interpretation for the reader if they know this information? Or is it law at this point that Hank Pym smacked a woman and there’s no room for interpretation? I don’t know the rules well enough.

  • TapewormBike

    He also wrote The Long Halloween three times.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ve heard that the writer didn’t intend for the spousal abuse, but the artist kinda fyucked up. And then, because grim and gritty, later writers just ran with it.

  • SeanLM

    Actually it happened more than once. I was flipping through early Avengers issues recently and there’s one in the early 1970s I recall set in the Antarctic where he knocks her out with his fist to prevent her from going with him on a suicide mission. I wish I had the issue number for you but I think it was prior to #100.

  • Domo

    No wonder Ultron hated himself in Avengers 2.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What I like about these Marvel movies now, and some of the shows, is that there are superhero movies mixed with another genre. Captain America a spy film, Gardens of The Galaxy is a space opera, Ant-Man is a heist film, Daredevil is a Serpico type story, and Thor 2 is a bland action movie.

  • TapewormBike

    Ah. I just always saw that one image repeated over and over.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s probably been ret-conned.

    With comics, you choose the details you want to choose. Nobody’s read these things for 70 straight years so “continuity” is a crap-shoot.

  • Like Icare

    He did keep making new versions of himself and killing off the old ones…

  • Domo

    That’s a lie!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Keeping Up With the Kardashians

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Pre or post surgery?

  • SeanLM

    He was trying to save her life and it wasn’t ever mentioned again but I did raise my eyebrows. He might have yellowjacket at the time.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Middle School children are more annoying than anything

  • TapewormBike

    The thirteenth bacon wrapped donut is the hardest one.

  • TapewormBike
  • Domo

    Just drink it with chocolate milk and it’ll be fine!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    STOP ASKING COMPLETELY LOGICAL QUESTIONS

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    But, ‘Merica. It’s right on his chest. So “hero” is a given, no matter what.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I can imagine because it’s hard to make something that damn good.

  • TapewormBike

    Thank you, Martha.

  • Like Icare

    Ultron had surgery? Was it his hernia?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    By the way I just checked and they’re not complaining about us or RLM and just are posting creepy BvS chibis.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♫ Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba
    Sithi uhm ingonyama
    Nants ingonyama bagithi baba
    Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
    Ingonyama

    Siyo Nqoba
    Ingonyama
    Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala ♫

  • TapewormBike

    Has anyone stopped to think that they might be Bizzaro us? Huh?!

  • Domo

    Did Martha get beat up by a comic book character, too? Or did she beat up Batman because he kept stealing Martha’s secret Cream Puffs recipe? There’s just too damn much to remember!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Imagine Putting Up With the Pyms. A reality show about that wacky scientist who accidentally creates a robot that wants to destroy the world.

  • SeanLM

    Iron Man 3: buddy cop. Incredible hulk: chase film. Hopefully Thor 3 is going to be the closest Marvel gets to a straight up Tolkienesque fantasy without constantly jumping back to Earth.

  • Palpatine

    Unlike the DC films which are just; “You are meant to be something greater.”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It was close but then they cut to Earth half the time and only gave us one good scene.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5bbu6NPRvU

  • Domo

    Hopefully Harley Quinn is gonna get the Space Jesus treatment, too!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That was a saying in The 40’s. Broads were cool with it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Actually I don’t know what they’re going to be aside from Suicide Squad. That’s said to be the dirty dozen with super powered and crazy people. BvS to me looks like a really well done superhero film but I don’t see any over genre outside maybe disaster with the 911 like stuff.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I love Commando’s score the most. RIP Jimmy Horner

  • Palpatine

    “You will give them an ideal to strive towards.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Maybe. But, on second thought, you owe this world nothing.”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Can you imagine Ben Affleck saying that?

  • Domo

    It’s official. Pa’s gone and had a stroke!

  • TapewormBike

    Uhhhhhhhh…yes. Yes, I can.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “I’m telling you this because you probably killed a bunch of people by accident, Clark”

  • TapewormBike

    What about the dog?

  • Palpatine

    “Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. But always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you… my only son.”

  • SeanLM

    Zack Snyder will someday get a lifetime achievement Oscar for “Most Manipulative Movie Trailers.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s a real variety to compact and stick into one maguffiny formula. Kudos?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Palpy, you’re quoting a truly great film. Stop.

  • Like Icare

    Why should that raise your eyebrows?

    Tony Stark ordered his petite female employee HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT to get into the boxing ring to be beaten up by his burly driver. For fun. Cause he’s a dick and a psycho.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iojX7zMhQA

  • Palpatine

    “The son becomes the father, and your father, the son.”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes, also I am glad that there is Avengers like maguffin in Ant-Man or a stupid orb

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s not great anymore, according Now.

  • SeanLM

    Oh, MoS is in the disaster genre all right. Disaster is the first word I think of when I think of that film.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I think it still holds up to some extent. Some shots are pure gorgeous and the writing, aside from Lex, is still great.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is there a swarm? And something crashes into something?

    I mean, please don’t tell me they throw out all the big favorites.

  • TapewormBike

    What’s the point of making movies anymore, anyway. We’ll never beat The 13th Warrior.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You do realize even if you didn’t like the movie it wasn’t a disaster? If it was they wouldn’t get a really good Superman out that movie and instead got Nick Cage to play him.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Just? Just? Excuse me, Sheev, but isn’t that just what your favorite saga is about?

  • Domo

    Or Three Men and A Little Lady.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *off

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The maguffin is the Yellow Jacket suit. There the maguffin then goes away at one point unlike the other movies when the main focus is that damn maguffin.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Sheesh, thanks. You just made my asterisk EXTRA creepy.

  • Like Icare

    He likes to do it in more uncomfortable places.

    http://viewaskew.com/mallrats/images/comic/buttman.jpg

  • TapewormBike

    Ah yes. The Steve Guttenberg classic.

  • Like Icare

    Yo, Tom Selleck was the BOM in that movie!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Anything glow blue? I mean, doesn’t have to be a laser aimed at the sky, just as long as it’s blue, and the blue is glowy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Or Titanic. You know we’re never gonna beat Titanic, nobody can.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The laser weapon thing Baldy uses as Yellow Jacket is blue but it’s not a plot device.

  • instant relief

    The iceberg did.

  • SeanLM

    Yes. It was a soulless, competent product directed by an idiot manchild. Now it’ll lead into more DC movies with the same miserable tone as the New 52.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t matter if it’s a plot device or not. If it glows, I’m counting it.

  • Domo

    So was that ghost!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I doubt you’ve actually seen the movie and read the comics recently because you sound like those retarded teenagers who hate things that are popular to sound cool.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You what movie didn’t have a Blue Laser shooting into the sky? Man of Steel. The laser went to the ground!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We’re all infected by Omitted

  • Wizard Phoenix

    When are we going get another My Pet Monster movie?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Was it you who used “competent” and “soulless” to defend the Marvel movies, though? This is the thing about Marvel fans that cracks me up: Their nutty inconsistency.

    Somebody did. I’mma gonna scroll down.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It was him, Pa Kent.

  • Sully

    If that’s the way the story was published, it’s kinda got to be that way, no matter what the initial intent was. In the comic, he punched her directly in the face, so… kinda hard to explain that away.

  • SeanLM

    I think there might still be a few Michael Crichton books not adapted into movies. Let’s go Venom Business and A Case of Need!

  • instant relief

    That bastard never uses condoms.

  • Domo

    You say infected like it’s a bad thing.

  • Sully

    I had a My Pet Monster. I used to think I was the shit whenever I broke the shackles.

  • Palpatine

    Or a remake of Jurassic Park that follows the book scene for scene.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You didn’t answer my question

  • Sully

    The answer is… I hope we don’t.

  • Sully

    Are you being serious? Because other than Antonio Banderas playing a middle eastern ambassador, I really liked that movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Good.

  • instant relief

    I’m looking forward to the scene where the babies get their faces eaten.

  • Sully

    I’m surprised it wasn’t Tony Stark trying to steal the Yellow Jacket suit. It’s so much cooler than the Iron-Man armo(u)r.

  • Thanatos2k

    America is a villain though, so it’s appropriate.

  • Sully

    …and John Hammond being eaten alive.

  • Thanatos2k

    So you’re saying it was stylistically designed to be that way and they can’t undo it, but they can dimish the effects of it?

  • instant relief

    Welcome to Jurassic AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

  • Palpatine

    And Muldoon blowing up one of the raptors with a bazooka.

  • rthompson39

    One time! And he’d just been brainwashed by an evil robot and was completely losing his mind! And he’s spent the rest of his career trying to make up for it! Jesus Christ, Tony murdered the president while he was drunk on national TV and everybody loves him. Reed beat Sue constantly when he wasn’t completely ignoring her existence, but that never gets mentioned. Everyone needs to lay off Pym. He made a mistake 30 years ago.

  • SeanLM

    Or Jeff Goldblum (played by mathematician Ian Malcom) high on morphine for most of the ordeal.

  • Thanatos2k

    “Reed beat Sue constantly when he wasn’t completely ignoring her existence”

    It’s easy to do, she’s invisible.

  • Sully

    BOOOOOMMMM!!!! *mushroom cloud envelopes the island*

  • Sully

    Technically his artist made a mistake, which is worse.

  • Sully

    ‘xactly.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, I’ve been called a prick and the devil, today. All in all, I’d have to say I’ve been pretty successful. And, oh, yeah…I was first.

    All y’all have a great evening.

  • Domo
  • Sully

    …and raptors trying to escape via cargo ship, causing a race against the clock scenario, WHILST all of the other shit is going down.

  • GoDFaDDa

    I just bumped my Patreon from $5 to $15. I love all of your content, and I have for years. It’s not only entertaining; it’s like hanging out with friends I’ve never met. 🙂 I’m also a supporter of the Previously Recorded twitch stream, because that’s also great. Keep up the great work!

  • Like Icare

    You know… That is really not that bad of a movie.
    And probably one of the more watchable Beowulf movies out there.

    Remember that CGI one… Written by Neil Gaiman.
    “I! AM! BEOWULF!”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLoRVthqns4

    Or the “excitement and adventure” of Beowulf and Grendel?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4yPHR8PqME

    Or Beowulf of SPAAACE!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7paq_cWOsc

    Or the borderline experimental anime-like qualities of Beowulf the Beowulf with Christopher Lambert.

    Although this one does belong in a museum. Or Manhole. M… something.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzLExiOSXcc

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yay! Thankee.

    (Suck it, Foxy!)

  • Palpatine

    I can just picture that with this music playing:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOmJLk1lu08

  • Palpatine

    I’ve been called worse.

  • SeanLM

    And Chris Pratt and his dino-buddies! … I’ll see myself out.

  • Sully

    It’s alright. I mean, for a nigh extinct pachyderm it’s okay…. I guess.

    It’s no fox.

    http://i.imgur.com/5dUsT78.jpg

  • Palpatine

    Do one of me now. Please?

  • Like Icare

    That’s the other “going to the Yurp” Gutenberg moopie.
    The one where all is well that ends in necrophilia.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RIHuK89xEw

  • My ex wife

    A classic from Billy Ocean Colour Sean.

  • Domo

    Well he said nothing too bright or too dull, so I went for pastels.

    I mean, he’s an orange elephant against a bright yellow background, but nothing too bright.

  • Like Icare

    Lay off them drugs Domo. Or start sharing.

  • Sully

    As long as we can all agree that mine is the best.

  • Like Icare

    It’s always an interesting day when you end up being called the incarnation of ungodly evil and sin.

  • Palpatine

    So, me?

  • Domo

    Did you want one of Palpy? Just realize it takes longer to do faces.

  • Palpatine

    See what you can do.

  • My ex wife

    If the water stings your eyes, the chlorine has worn out and you’re swimming in other people piss.

    Have fun.

  • Like Icare

    Someone once explained on imdb that since he’s Spanish, and Spain used to be run by Moors, him playing a guy from Baghdad wasn’t that crazy a casting.

  • instant relief

    Ah, yes, the wonders of science.

  • My ex wife
  • Like Icare

    Well… You were thrown down the pit by Space Jesus…

  • Palpatine

    That deserve it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I resemble that remark.

  • Sully

    No, I said, “Antonio Banderas.”

  • My ex wife

    What if we already are bizzaro us?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    How do I look?

  • Like Icare

    That’s racist! He’s no Mexican just cause his name is Spanish!
    He’s part eggplant!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcZCGMCDzbU

  • Sully
  • Jean-François Martel

    is that you Mike?

  • infernocanuck

    I don’t think you’re overestimating people, Mike. I’m Marvel Superhero Multiverse fatigued, and I know I’m not the only one.

  • Jean-François Martel

    that’s disgusting

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If the DC/Warner movies were bad, but they came from some sort of artistic integrity, only that they make baffling choices, while trying to be too bold with characters that require a more level-headed approach, then, there’d be a discussion. As it is, the WB/DC movies come from “we want some of that sweet, sweet money Marvel is making… but we have to make things a little different, or risk to be called copycats. I know! Let’s make it fake-grimdark for the tweens!”

    There’s no artistic integrity when your go-to guy is Zack Snyder.

    So, yes. If given a choice I will always settle for the lesser evil. Good corporate product over nasty corporate shit. Every. Damn. Time.

  • Sully

    My point is, he’s Antonio Banderas, and incapable of being anything else, and while this works in movies like The Mask of Zorro (which I enjoyed) and Desperado (which I also enjoyed), in a film like The 13th Warrior it doesn’t work, because the entire film is cast with relative unknown (i.e. non-household) actors, and Banderas stands out like a sore thumb.
    I get the need for a “name” to get asses in seats, but a different name may have worked better in this instance. That being said, I still really enjoyed the movie, and I’m patiently waiting for it to get a blu ray release in my FUCKING COUNTRY!!! You hear that, McTiernan, Scott? Get on it, motherfuckers!

  • luvs2pwge

    Early reports say pixels is an abomination worse than jack and jil because it rapes actual good ip

  • My ex wife

    The best bit is people called the bird Chris. I know I know… simple things…

  • luvs2pwge

    holy shit that’s impressive!

  • RLMkeepitup

    very nice. the style reminds me of embroidery

  • Palpatine

    You’re so, beautiful.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Foreshadowing – there’s a lot of pixels in the background of this review. But for super hero movies if antman isn’t the bottom of the barrel yet I’m excited to see where we go next! .. Oh wait 2 movies coming after genisys ya say? kill me

  • RLMkeepitup

    Is Rich dieting? He looks chipper now.

  • Sully

    I know. Now if you could just echo that response to @pakentsaysmaybe:disqus I’d really appreciate it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Do I get something? I’ll give you this gif of Mike.

    http://i.imgur.com/lnUQsAz.gif

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Marvel’s Phase 3 is coming

    http://i.imgur.com/lnUQsAz.gif

  • Bob Borries

    Jay, I’m sorry to hear you were raped in your sleep, I had no idea you met Bill Cosby.

  • tOmy`

    That is a cheap gif(t) considering you re-posted it within 3 minutes again. What a value!

    #TreatDomoRight

  • luvs2pwge

    Sully’s drawing is probably the best, it blends colour and substance into a satisfying pleasure.

  • luvs2pwge

    just did

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Try again”
    -Rich Evans

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Earth

    Ant-Man was just all the same shit we’ve seen before.

    Maybe all movies are that though. Maybe we’re all just soulless drones waiting to be fed our next soma.

    Why are fucking Marvel movies making me so nihilistic and existential?

  • Palpatine

    Hold on to your butts. Get it? It’s because Samuel L. Jackson plays Nick Fury, and he was also in Jurassic Park where he said that line. Get it?

  • tOmy`

    Because they are bright and colorful entertainment for the whole family?

  • Sully

    I’m waiting for Jeff Goldblum to get his superhero shot.

  • Palpatine

    You a Floyd fan, Pa?

  • Sully
  • Sully

    So shut your eyes and open your mouth, bitches.

  • Bubs

    Who the fuck is Sally?

  • Earth

    The world is truly a simulacrum. The lights and colours blind us to the lack of any substance in this world.

  • Sully

    Joking aside, Domo did you right. You’re a def improvement over your old avatar.

  • Sully

    You wearing glasses that fucking thick and you still can’t see, Bubs?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    *cheaper

  • Sully

    I think the term is *cock diesel.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    awesome

  • tOmy`

    Since there is a lot of grumpiness and disappointment in the air, let me brighten up the discussion:

    Shoshin – Epiphanies and Wastelands Would have been a pretty decent alt-rock album incorporating ska, dub and a semi-interesting take on rapping, if it wasn’t for very odd twists and turns into emo-influenced, scraping the bottom of the popular barrel moments, killing all the sweet full-of-attitude flow. It’s hard to take the Jared Leto-esque wailing after lyrics like “And God said / All you motherfuckers look the same to me”. 5/10
    The Cave Singers – No Witch Indie folk band departing from acoustic albums only and heading onto a greener fields with electric guitar, landing in the midst of well-executed predictability with nothing much new being brought to the table. I guess this one could grow on me, it seems to be a decent late-night / road trip listen, but as of now, seems like one of those albums to be ripped apart and used to fill playlists, rather than standing on it’s own. 6/10
    Blitzet Trapper – Furr Little bit of Bob Dylan here, little bit of happy-go-lucky there and what you are left with is a bit underwhelming, solid execution of indie pop-rock with some neat choices for effects, harmonicas, solos and vibe-changing album construction. It’s hard to disapprove of such albums, but it is similarly hard to get blown away; especially due to the fact that most of the great moments come with a weird aftertaste of “been there, heard that”. 7/10

    Wait, that wasn’t uplifting at all…

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    I met him once, I asked for his autograph cause I enjoy Fat Albert, but he just pulled out his cock and said ”You mean Prince Albert”, yeah he”s THAT sorta guy.

  • Sully

    Did you get the autograph? ‘Cause it matters.

  • tOmy`

    I’ll allow it.

  • tOmy`

    They just made out a few times.

  • Cynical Optimist

    I mean I liked it better than Avengers 2… So yay, right?

  • Sully

    He should’ve sucked that puddin’ pop.

  • tOmy`

    Your name perfectly sums up your review.

  • Cynical Optimist

    So who gives me money?

  • Sully

    You want change for your 2 cents?

  • omitted

    Yeah, getting them to cum on your face is trickier than just sucking it into your mouth. Wait, what?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    You only went too far in one place. She was not happy.

    “Rape jokes, I love ’em!”
    -Mr. Plinkett

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Not only that! James Gunn didn’t create any of the main characters, and the studio insisted that the story take place in space and that Rocket Raccoon be a raccoon!

  • Andrew Dickman

    You all better sneak into the movie theater to see Pixels, don’t pay for that!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Was a huge fan as I was growing up. Nothing past The Final Cut though. Now, just a huge Syd and Roger fan.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You know, in college.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Seriously. Like those Woody Allen movies with all that “intelligent” and “brilliant” dialogue that people just stand there and say! Did he learn nothing from Kurisawa?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I thought that was what we were stuck in the middle of now. Fyuck the Phase. Is there a map, so we don’t get our 1s and 2s mixed up? Pretentious marketing sh!t.

    Hey, Dickheads, guess what! In the future, people are gonna watch your crap in any order they want, if they watch it at all, and all your prissy, clever “world-building” counts for sh!t.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, I know the art’s impressive.

    I haven’t seen the lipstick, however.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Well, that prunes my face”
    Poundsign: OutOfContextRiffTraxQuoteOfTheDay

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He looked a lot like Bradley Cooper, there.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Instead of answering a question you already know the answer to, let me ask you instead: what did Jon Favreau start, exactly? It was his idea to make an Iron Man movie? Why do you type “fyucking” and “defuck?” Do you actually think that’s cute? What is it to be “sequel-raped?” Does it mean directing a lackluster sequel? How is that like rape? Does “jumping off” mean “not asked back because his sequel sucked?” Have you seen any films besides Guardians of the Galaxy written and directed by James Gunn?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Oh, they’ll pay for it. The price will be their souls.

  • The Ghost

    Did Ian Cohen take over your account?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Haven’t heard any of it, but I always like when you write about music.

  • Sully

    Don’t give Hollywood any ideas.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s not you. (You are) big. It’s the pictures that got small.

  • Sully

    I thought you were more of a trunk guy.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzvDgMuuK8w

  • Cynical Optimist

    Hey where I’m at, parking tokens are worth more than gold.

  • Sully
  • Sully

    I’ll allow it.

  • Sully

    “Starting to think toast is a self-replicating virus.”

    Pound Sign: OutOfContextQuoteOfTheDay

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Aw, it’s like hugging an old, dirty couch.”

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    CLOSE YOUR EYES! LOOK AWAY FROM THE SCREEN! NOOOOO!!!

    http://encdr.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/facemelt.gif

  • The Ghost

    I would’ve never predicted that “Ant Man” – of all films – would be the target of such vitriol. Fatigue has certainly set in for me, but not necessarily of the films themselves. My fatigue is of something that’s increasingly affecting my enjoyment of them: Fan behavior.

    Here’s an example. After seeing “Guardians of the Galaxy” in the theater, I stuck around for the post-credits scene, which wound up being that little nod to Howard the Duck. After that scene was over, a person in the audience said something to the effect of “What the hell was that fan service crap?” or some drivel. Basically he was expressing disappointment in the lack of foreshadowing to whatever the next film was going to be.

    And I remember thinking, you just watched an entertaining film that was filled with solid humor, costumes, spectacle; it was a fun movie-going experience, and one audiences were anticipating for months. It was a two-hour film that had ended minutes ago, and you can’t allow yourself to enjoy it – or at least reflect on it – for all of five minutes before your mind is already fixated on the next thing?

    That’s where it started to bother me. It’s like you’re consuming something for the sole purpose of ensuring that you’ll be able to consume it again later.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Came for the video, stayed for the comments. You frauds are wonderful.

  • XAV

    It’s enough comments to make you wanna GOUGE YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I think they’re wonderful

  • Sully

    Welcome to the modern world. We’ve become the “I want it all, and I want it now” society. This is the Internet age, the streaming generation, the whole season, every episode in as many hours generation, and film studios are busting ass to keep up. We love to blame Hollywood for the decline of modern cinema, but the truth is, they’re answering the calling of the “Instant” world.
    You’d never get away with releasing a sequel 10-20 years later anymore. Everything’s got to continue, and it needs to be out next year, and if, god forbid, it fails, it’s gotta be rebooted or remade STAT, because if you delay, just a little, you’ve lost your audience. They’re off to the next big thing, so everything’s gotta be bigger, faster, more punching, more destruction, more effects. Not just more of the same, but MORE of the same.
    This is why everything has got to be a part of an “expanded universe” for something else, it keeps them hooked to the franchise while they’re waiting for the next thing to come out. It’s soap operas for the filmgoing masses, and it’s our reality… until something else comes along to sway their brains.

  • Sully

    Are you sure? I thought we were pawns.

  • The Ghost

    Indeed. And it’s all driven by a level of fanaticism that borders on unnerving. I’m bewildered by this silently agreed upon movement between fans and even critics. It’s almost like everyone is thinking “Guys, we all need to get together and LIKE these films, otherwise they won’t survive in the terrible wilderness.”

    And with Marvel in particular, it’s as if fans are so supportive of these films not because they want to enjoy and then reflect on a particular film, but because they now believe it’s their duty to ensure that the thing they like remains the agenda setter for pop culture.

  • I hope your PIXELS review is seventeen hours long.

  • Sully

    True, but it also doesn’t hurt/help (depending on which side of the fence you’re on) that comic book films are finally being made at a standard that’s considered acceptable by (most) comic book fans. Not all, mind you, but enough to keep the steamroller pushing forth.

    We’ve hit a technological peak that allows us to do nigh anything we want in film, and as much as I enjoy many of the comic book movies, I can’t help but wonder, “Is this the height of spectacle? Really? This is what the collective imagination of nearly 2000 people looks like?” The industry will catch on soon enough that there are bigger, bolder stories to be told. I mentioned this on another RLM vid, but soon we’ll be moving more into a Sci-fi-based genre and a bit away from comic books. Give it about 5 more years.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    After seeing “The Phantom Menace” I’m not sure about anything anymore.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Banderas sucks in pretty much every of his English-speaking roles. Kinda like Gillermo Del Toro should stick to directing movies in Spanish.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Maybe not with that theme, but with this one:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-w-58hQ9dLk

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    The show will be a close-up of Jay’s face staring into the distance while Mike’s muffled voice drones on in the background. It’s gonna be great.

  • Sully

    True, though I enjoyed his Hellboy films. That said, Guillermo is quickly devolving into something of the next Tim Burton. His films are all highly stylized, but the worlds he builds are so similar, it becomes difficult to tell them apart. Many of the creatures in Hellboy II look as though they could’ve been ripped directly from Pan’s Labyrinth. The same goes for Pacific Rim.
    I’m beginning to think he realized this though, hence his step back from doing Hellboy III to do other stuff (Crimson Peak).

  • instant relief

    I was about to say “Time heals everything”, but that doesn’t make any sense. Certain diseases get worse over time.

  • Domo

    It’s nice to know that Pixels was beaten on its opening weekend by Ant-Man.

    Kinda sad that Southpaw and other new films are so much further down the list for their opening weekend.

    http://deadline.com/2015/07/pixels-paper-towns-southpaw-trainwreck-ant-man-box-office-1201484974/

  • Jason Ross

    Ant-Man sucked and was gay

  • Chancellor Valorum

    Coincidentally George Lucas used his violent diarrhoea as the main ingredient when making his prequel ‘cakes’. Then he forced Rick McCallum to eat it and he pretended to like it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i dont hate it i’m just bored of comics and watching two men politely agreeing that it wasn’t that bad was also boring.

  • Sully

    You say that like it’s a bad thing.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s only product. What is one supposed to do with product?

    Oh, that’s right. Consume it. And then crap it and flush it away.

    Come on.

  • Sully

    Despite Pixels’ B Cinema score…

    Whaa?

  • Like Icare

    I don’t know…

    I kinda find it a positive aspect of the movie that the only “brand” actor is basically the sidekick, like in The Big Trouble In Little China. Or even a mascot.
    Making the movie story sort of a Conan story, only with the storyteller being in there from the start.
    It leaves more room for the legendary aspect of the hero of the story that he is telling – by leaving the hero’s character in the shadows, doing him only in broad strokes.
    Letting audience fill in the background for all other characters based solely on the visuals – while only Ahmed gets infodumps about his life and history.

    And it is not just the brand recognition – audience needs a familiar face to latch on to. To see things they recognize. It’s either that, or the characters have to be even bigger stereotypes just to be distinguishable. Or even more brand names.

    As for Banderas being Banderas… Again… I don’t know.
    I found him rather adequate for the role.
    Sure… he doesn’t display much range, but then again, his character is not supposed to be taking up too much acting space.
    He should be closer to just another member of the medieval Dirty Dozen.
    Or Magnificent 13.
    And both those movies had far worse cases of typecasting or recognizable brand names. Bronson alone is in both those movies playing Charles Bronson playing anyone Charles Bronson ever played.

    Only here movie and the book kinda cover their asses better.
    He is both “the runt” who needs to prove himself, so when he gets heroic it works, and he’s a fish out of water so sticking out fits for the character.
    On top of that, the entire story being told by that character – he could be embellishing it to make himself appear more heroic.

    And frankly… I kinda find him better fitting there than in the Zorro movies.
    Sure… He’s Zorro the 2nd… But that’s wrong for the story and the character.
    Zorro is the same thing as Robin Hood, Batman, Green Arrow… a nobleman/rich man/knight fighting on the side of the poor.

    Not a hero, but a champion of the people.

    With nobility of birth being synonymous to nobility of character, but not necessarily with the baggage of divine.

    And Banderas just isn’t cut out for that.

    Timothy Dalton would have been a perfect Zorro in his day.

    Banderas just does not fit that stereotype of tall, thin and handsome “nobility”.
    So they change the story to fit that… and it is just wrong. And so is the very idea of Zorro’s apprentice.

    And don’t get me started on Anthony Hopkins as Zorro.

  • Cakefarts

    Just when I though that the Milwaukee lion had got our intrepid heroes.

  • RLMkeepitup

    do they normally plug the next movie at the end of these? Otherwise I dunno why he expected that much for staying to credits.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think you’re optimistic, regarding blockbuster culture. Which is good, because you are one of the ones who, hopefully, will be involved in creating it. I just see it from a different point of view.

    tl;dr

    I know that I’m probably alone among my fellow RLMers, but the “bigger, bolder” direction is not the way I want to go. It hasn’t, so far, lead me anywhere I generally appreciate. Only very occasionally. Once or twice, every couple of years.

    But I often see films that are more intimate. More real human experience, less fantasy. Less spectacle, more impact. And that turns me on. But it’s getting harder to see those things in the theater anymore, due to the distribution of stuff. Eventually, as with music, it’s likely to become more like homework to find what turns me on, which will be a frustration.

    The idea of a “collective imagination” seems less true to me the older I get. I’ve seen plenty of collective imaginations turn over. I’ve seen radio become irrelevant. I’ve seen The Beatles break up. I’ve watched rock n’ roll be replaced at the top of the charts by squawking noise. I’ve seen Prince go from The Revolution all the way up his own ass. I’ve seen my favorite types of movies marginalized. I can barely even read a comic book anymore. I hear all about The New Golden Age of Television, but I don’t even have one plugged in. And, I’ve noticed almost none of these series are as lauded at the end as they are at the beginning.

    I believe the only thing about the future of culture that can be counted on is that it will be something else than what it is now.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They ALWAYS plug the next project at the end of a Marvel movie. That’s there only thing. The thing that’s been so game-changing.

  • Sully

    As much as I love Anthony Hopkins, him as Zorro is my least favorite part of that film. That said, I liked the passing of the torch story in The Mask of Zorro especially considering it didn’t begin that way as much as it was Zorro (Hopkins) was basically using his apprentice as a means of getting even with his enemies. He was beyond the symbol of Zorro at that point, and it was Banderas’ character, ironically, the bandit, the polar opposite of what Zorro stood for, that got him back on track.
    That’s what I took away from it, anyway.

    Back to 9/11 The 13th Warrior, I think the film would’ve been better served to have the 13th member be of Moorish descent. I think it would’ve added to the dynamic of the film. Plus there were a ton of better suited, better actors that could’ve fit the part.

  • Palpatine

    Oh hey, Chancellor Valorum, long time no see!

  • Sully

    “Bigger, bolder” may have been a bit too vague. What I meant by that was conceptually bigger. The idea is bigger and bolder. Not necessarily the movie/budget/action.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Vitriol? Where? All I see is that it’s fairly popular. It’s the number one movie in the country. It’s already made it’s budget back. It’s been positively, if not glowingly, reviewed.

    Some people haven’t liked it. They ARE entitled. Some others, like myself, won’t bother seeing it. So?

    Vitriol? That’s what’s being splattered all over PIXELS, a film I have no interest in either, but which has been so bullied by people who claim they won’t see it, that it almost seems like a little underdog movie that I wanna save and feed warm milk.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Would “smarter” have too many negative connotations? I’d definitely stand in line for more of that.

  • Sully

    Smarter falls under bolder… unfortunately.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll allow it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    didnt you have him locked up?

  • dejectedchuckle

    It’s going to be like those Bjork stalker tapes where it gets less and less coherent as it goes on until they kill themselves.

  • Palpatine

    I sent him in the Phantom Zone.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    At the time I really liked the first Hellboy, warts and all, but the second was too much of a departure from the tone of the comics. I understand the movies are their own thing, and Mignola actually encourages Del Toro not to replicate the mood from the comic, but I think that’s a shame. I’d like to see a more pulpy/horror Hellboy movie, instead of whimsy/fantasy. Though I can see how it might seem pointless to want to get the exact same thing you can get from the comics just with audio and moving pictures.

    The other thing is, Del Toro isn’t great at directing action scenes. The fight coreography for Hellboy was disappointing. I’m sure budgetary constraints and Ron Perlman having to move around with a mechanical prop hand didn’t help.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I hope he comes back in episode 7. I cried when Nute Gunray died.

  • RLMkeepitup

    truly marvelous

  • Domo

    Well, there was a vacuum scene in Ant-Man, and the little girl was super happy when her dad saved the day.

    So yeah, sucking and gayness abounds!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Will you defer your motion to allow a commission to explore the validity of your accusations?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Speaking of superhero movies should I feel ashamed that I like Batman Forever?

  • Domo

    I like certain Marvel films, and I generally like Marvel’s style. Please don’t hate me.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wrong Terrence Stamp character

  • instant relief

    I like it, too, but more in an ironic kind of way.

  • Thanatos2k

    …It’s certainly not the worst one.

  • Sully

    Depends. What do you love about it?

    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e8/b6/c6/e8b6c67aef4581925e800682ca21f34e.jpg

    Pound Sign: SolidValKilmerMashupReference

  • instant relief

    Excuse me, this is a children’s movie with a cartoon rabbit that steps in the poopie.

  • Thanatos2k

    Dude, Pixels fucking sucks. Stop defending it.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t see anything wrong with someone liking it.

  • Sully

    We’re coloring in the same boat, Domo.

  • instant relief

    Well, maybe you should take your sunglasses off.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well thematically it is more interesting than Returns, though not as good on a performance level. I mean you start you fucking understand why besides his parents getting killed why he became Batman. It’s not Batman Begins level of good themes but it’s something that others didn’t have. I also like how Robin ties in the story and how Batman learns that being alone on this venture in crime doesn’t work. Again, Nolan did it better but it’s something interesting. I like the use of more gadgets and one other thing: that sexy hunk Val Kilmner.

    http://hollywoodmeasurements.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/val-kilmer-height-weight.jpg

  • Palpatine

    Nolan is an overrated hack.

    #BecauseWhyNot

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Return of the Living Jaws

    (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

  • Palpatine

    The Dark Knight is. Huh huh, I’m so cool for not liking a movie everyone else does!

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    mmm nipples

  • Sully

    Is that the Penguin?

  • Palpatine

    Why not Alica Silverstone’s nips?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Stop deleting your accounts, you fraud.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    yes this

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    and this

  • Wizard Phoenix

    She didn’t have any because Schumacher is a gay man who only pleases the gays and weird women in the audience.

  • Palpatine

    Or better yet, why not Bryce Dallas Howard’s amazing rack? Too much?

  • Sully
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why not the hotter red head Jessica Chastain?

  • Sully

    ^This

  • Sully

    I’ll allow it, but only on the promise of some Jessica Chastain goodness.

  • RLMkeepitup

    bat nipples and bat asses are the technical terms

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Sully

    Seen it. Approve of it. I’ve been a big fan of hers since
    Take Shelter.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    How the hell did we get into this conversation about hot redheads from Batman Forever?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Palpatine was behind it all

  • Sully

    Does it matter? DOES IT?!

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    Okay fine. But I’m still obsessed with Clarie’s sweaty body.

  • RLMkeepitup

    didn’t nicole kidman have red hair in that? Also she was a serious babe in that at parts.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No, she was a blonde in it. 0/10. Unsubscribed.

  • Palpatine

    Nice.

  • Palpatine

    Because red heads are hot.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Yah

  • Sully
  • Wizard Phoenix

    *Ice

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • hybridm0ments

    I’m going to re-watch Inner Space and not pay to see this film. Even though you guys make it sound good.. just don’t give a fuck about Ant-man. Growing/shrinking/streatching/guys with arrows are not interesting.

  • Sully

    Who isn’t? Honestly. And sweat just adds to the flavor.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But she ain’t my Karen, no one will be.

  • Palpatine

    I hate to say it, but she’s slightly hotter than Bryce Dallas Howard. But doesn’t mean I’m still obsessed with her.

  • Sully

    Inner? I barely know’er!!

  • instant relief

    It’s probably worse than Mein Kampf.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    you didn’t work for the White House as Clinton’s adviser by any chance did you

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wait, what did you just say? About Mein Kampf?

  • Sully

    They’re pretty damn close on the “Yes Please!” scale.

    http://www.edmdroid.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/10-bryce-dallas-howard.jpg

  • Sully

    Well… It’s 1:15 in the a.m. here, people, so I’m off to chase count sheep.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    She should just forget about her macho boyfriend and bratty nephews and get with the real hero. Moi. Yeah I know my face isn’t that good looking, but I have Force powers that can make me look young again.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    So Godzilla (2014) sucked. By turns boring and rather silly. Mst3k version would be an improvement. Sigh… one day, somebody will make a ‘Zilla movie worth a dam, but 2014 wasn’t it. Though Miss Olsen was pretty, and served as somewhat masturbation material, but again the fantasy is she is with her sister at the same time, so the movie didn’t even do that. So a thumbs down for me Gene. Now here’s a word from our sponsors…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiBeJ_LRFn8

  • The Ghost

    I was referring more to places like this one when I said “vitriol,” not Rotten Tomatoes. It might be a bubble, sure, but it’s the one I’ve chosen, so it matters more to me than the opinion of the public at large.

    Of course there’s a strategic purpose to the post-credits scene. But the point is that I saw a man who was unable to enjoy a film he saw for five minutes before he’d already shifted his attention to the next big thing. He’d rather the Avengers 2 hype train leave the station immediately, and I felt that sentiment very much echoed by fans in the aftermath of Guardians. Who’s at fault is irrelevant to me; it bothered me regardless. Maybe it shouldn’t have, and maybe I’m simply reading into it too much, but I interpreted it as a sign of how these films were starting to be viewed by audiences; that a film is now a means of perpetuating the dominance of a brand in pop culture discourse.

  • Bubs

    I wrote a short story about toast, more of a long form poem really. Wanna hear it? Here it go:

    What does Toast dream about? This question fills the center of my thoughts as I concentrate on nothing in particular, enclosed in the cocoon shell of this middle-of-nowhere saloon. This is the back end of forever; that place where the damned come to pay their debts, where time slows to a crawl, and we bathe in the cold comfort of strangers and coffee. I am at home.

    I place the flat edge of my knife into the butter pad and, scooping off a healthy serving, proceed to smear it generously on Toast’s face. Toast doesn’t seem to mind.

    When the task is completed, a dilemma presents itself, and I am stalled. Before me two different jams vie for my attention, each pleading their case equally well.

    I’ve had the pomegranate before, but only on a few occasions. It is a sour, tangy beast with a myriad of pleasing qualities. That strange, exotic, and aromatic smell makes a tantalizing promise.

    Pomegranate. It is purple, like a plum and in this moment I am briefly reminded of a time long ago. I see Pamela in her plum prom dress, standing poised and perfect. Preening like a pigeon, she pulls me partially up the precarious path. The pursuit plunges the pair of us into a painful situation and… What happens next, I don’t know, but suddenly I have lost my appetite for pomegranate.

    The other jam is grape. Oh, grape, that old reliable standby. Grape was there first and fills the gaps of that old distant childhood memory. Grape is sweet and simple, never overly complex, yet somehow leaves something to be desired.

    Just then I realize that Toast is looking at me impatiently, and I give him a wan smile to let him know that I have not forgotten him. Toast doesn’t respond to that, but I don’t expect him to.

    I turn my attention back to the grape jam, and that faint childhood memory creeps to the back of my thoughts. Back when life was good and I could gaze at the glimmer of the glazed surface of the glens and great lakes of my youth. Growing older, the gloss fades, and gone are the golden days. Like a gray haze, that golden age is swallowed by something cryptic and vague and… at last I realize I have no real interest in the grape jam either.

    Toast waits. I look at him for a long time, almost too long, and he stares patiently back, his gaze never faltering. At last I set him aside and return the knife to the table. I am not so hungry after all.

  • Domo

    You can also prevent her from dying in childbirth.

    Supposedly, but at least you’re working on it.

  • instant relief

    Now, back to 9/11.

  • Bubs

    I’d rather watch Gamera.

  • The Ghost

    Also, I took my nephews to see Pixels. Kevin James is the president, and Pac Man farts. I think? Something farts.

  • Palpatine

    Did Owen get her pregnant?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Their original plan was to not have a plan, but that quickly fell through.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Something has to fart because the movie stinks.

  • Great shirt, Mike! Grand Rapids is the best city!

  • Domo

    Nono! I’m saying you, Emperor Palpatine, know the way to prevent people from dying during childbirth. I heard it’s a big turn-on for women.

  • Palpatine

    Even though I enjoyed the film, I did have some problems with it. My main one being how it was so unlike the teaser trailer that appeared in December 2013. I really wanted the film to go all out and be dark as hell, with Godzilla being the villain. The original Japanese version from 1954 is incredibly dark and takes itself seriously, and I really wish the new one was like that.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Yes and you would think right, that ANY director worth a dam would like, know that…

  • Palpatine

    Oh yeah, because a woman from a first world country will die in childbirth. Also, if I marry her, will that mean I have to babysit her nephews?

  • Jay Stein

    fuck toast

  • omitted

    *off

  • Bubs

    Spoilers: He gets eaten in Part II.

  • omitted

    *omitted

  • Jay Stein

    well at least you’re not having dreams about fucking toast

  • Jay Stein

    Pa,..you need a BLOG, to be a part of the blogosphere

  • Jay Stein

    lol

  • Jay Stein

    bitch 🙂

  • Jay Stein

    fuck that movie

  • Jay Stein

    Sup, Chance?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Maybe but you’ll have to hang out with Richie Cunningham and possibly the Fonz

  • Jay Stein

    pussy, cant handle the “Ant-Man” huh…

  • locoma

    Oh… my god… they’re actually going to see that… CAN’T WAIT

  • Jay Stein

    “that” is a really good movie

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    I was voted ”most likely to turn on women” in my high school yearbook, and boy were they right

  • locoma

    oh, another thing, I can’t seem to like this on facebook, it says “you just liked 404 error page not found”

  • locoma

    I haven’t seen “that”, but I was referring to PIXELS, so I highly… HIGHLY doubt it.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    ”Dude, fuck Facebook, seriously”

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Honest Movie Time. I still to this day haven’t seen the end of The Wizard of Oz. Because I fall asleep every time. Yah that’s a hanging offense in some parts, I know. Hey man I like Somewhere Over the Rainbow, and I wanna follow the Yellow Brick road. Believe me Munchkins are beautiful people, I donate regularly to the Munchkin Guild. But like, bro, it’s not THAT good a movie OK. Maybe it’s just really realllllllyyyyy slow paced. Or I have Down Syndrome, which is probably more likely. But in either case, i don’t like it. Anyway that was my ”Honest Movie Time” and hey at least I was honest…

  • Jay Stein

    You have double-down syndrome. Snort something and then watch it in your underwear 5 times then get drunk and tell us what you think

  • Andrew Thompson.

    once darkside of the moon finishes it gets boring.

  • Jay Stein

    Not unless you have taken some magic potion, then it keeps on going…

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Pretty much Pink Floyd in a sentence really. Good, but, not for extended periods, again like The Wizard of Oz.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    LSD in your cup sir? i know sir doesn’t take milk.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    well have you ever had ants in your pussy, i have, and let me tell you its worse than sand

  • Jay Stein

    It’s the best part of waking up…

  • Jay Stein

    toooucheee

  • Jay Stein

    funny, I’m listening to Animals at this precise moment in time

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    that’s because you live in a zoo, nah Pink Floyd are awesome, just, only in small doses for me

  • Jay Stein

    animals is 50 minutes of the best music ever. Floyd and co are the ultimate musical geniuses of our time….wait need bong hi…

  • Return of the Living Jaws
  • TapewormBike

    I sorta am, I remember loving it as a kid. Because Desperado was in it

  • Like Icare

    Worse than 50 shades?

  • Buk Pravon

    “Nihil est ab omni parte beatum.”
    – Horaz

  • Like Icare

    The problem with Zorro, in the way they made those movies, is that the entire noblesse oblige concept of the character went out the window, and is replaced by RE-VENGE.
    Which is a selfish motivation for the supposed hero and the champion of the people.

    As for 13th Warrior… Who do you have in mind as an alternative to Banderas?

  • LameSame

    We’re getting pretty close to Episode 100, everybody! Exciting!

    Man, I watched 91 episodes of Half in the Bag? I really AM a depressed, self-abusive piece of shit!

  • CyborgUnicorn

    Maybe Oz the Great and Powerful would be more your style; there’s less singing, and Oz is a big phony. Quite a contrast to the “innocent” Dorothy.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    You mean James Franco is the big phony

  • CyborgUnicorn

    3 2 3 4

  • CyborgUnicorn

    Mid and end credits sequences can be fun, or extend the story, but instantly plugging the next movie isn’t mandatory, then it kind of sucks the fun out of it. The twins at the end of Captain America 2 for instance is something I wish wasn’t in the movie, felt like a distraction. I didn’t stick around for the Ant-Man end credits sequence, but if there is one I’m sure I’ll find out eventually.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    we are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day, so lets start livin… everybody now

  • CyborgUnicorn

    Or they could use a gift card.

  • I hope Episode 100 doesn’t feature a review of a Marvel movie.

  • He’s got a real Cobblepot belly!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    marvel and dc can eat a bag of dicks.

  • Maybe it’ll feature a Space Cop cameo? Or maybe Plinkett will return?

  • Malevolence

    I never understood how the train set would do any damage to Ant Man or the villain… or why Ant Man struggled to throw the toy train at all…. may look life sized but it weighs nothing and Ant Man has Super Strength when small….. fun segment though

  • Return of the Living Jaws
  • Return of the Living Jaws

    have you seen the porn parody Space Cock, some nice hot dogs on display there but the ketchup scene was a bit much

  • Joe

    Jay’s laugh at 50 seconds in is great. Mike is truly a master of comedy joke writing.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The movies reviewed in the first HiTB were Drive Angry and The Adjustment Bureau. So maybe by the time ep.100 comes out they’ll review The Martian and some crappy Nic Cage film. It would rhyme,like poetry.

  • TapewormBike

    You should, but this is a safe place to be ashamed. You weirdo.

  • tOmy`

    Oh my God, they are just like ring theory!

  • tOmy`

    Hard to argue with that. Even as a person who ends almost every music argument by saying “Radiohead.”, when someone counters Pink Floyd, I usually go “Weeeeeeellllllll…” and then run away.

    But for me it is more of a The Wall / Dark Side / Pulse / Wish.

  • tOmy`

    Reminds me of a good story that happened this Saturday morning. I ended up sleeping over at friend’s flat and realized that my book senses are tingling. I casually strolled around her library and found Twilight novels. So I opened up the first one and surprise surprise, the prologue is as fucking hilarious as the ending. It’s like a seizure had an odd relationship with romance and it all somehow ended up being vomited at dead trees.

    I also managed to randomly open the book on 3 different pages and on two of them, Bella was “biting her lip”.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Settle your horses they haven’t done anything yet. Back when I still gave a shit and watched PreRec streams Jay mentioned in one of them how he does not care at all about HiTB episode count so maybe the only thing we’re gonna get is Care Boards:Remastered.

  • tOmy`

    It should feature Gillian or I am unsubscribing.

  • tOmy`

    It’s good to show content for your audience. And sometimes I feel like the audience is us.

  • tOmy`

    I am leaving that typo in.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    that’ll do pig. that’ll do.

  • tOmy`

    We are the sky full of diamonds!

    – This message has been brought to you by Chris Martin, the undisputed genius of musical moments like “Para-para-paradise” and “Thank fuck, the album is over.”

  • Earth

    Meh, the direction was great. Some really great camerawork and visuals. It’s just a pity the script sucked.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    How about that Academy Award winning performance by Ford Brody, now there’s some charisma on display there huh, of course by charisma I mean not at all

  • Chancellor Valorum

    I just want everyone to know that Palpatine has clouded my judgement. He’s a secret asshole.

  • Earth

    “but in the end it still turns into shit”

  • Earth

    That guy was a void. Not making Cranston centre stage was the dumbest mistake, which again I attribute to the writing.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I like two Marvel films very much. I like two other films based on Marvel characters very much, as well. It’s not my thing.
    I could never hate you. You made me an elephant.

    But, yeah, I kinda hate “fans.” I hate hype. I hate promotion. I hate each generational sense that they’re better than the last (well, except for my own generation which gave you all Led Zeppelin, so we were b!tchin!)

    But when all is said and done, I ain’t the boss of anybody but myself, and “maybe” is always implied whenever I say anything.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Still, less irritating than Matthew Broderick, but easily as boring, but less irritating is something at least. Because not many people actually are as irritating as Matthew Broderick.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’ve seen it then? See, I’ve never seen an Adam Sandler non-medy. It looks exactly like This Generation’s GHOSTBUSTERS to me. I’m curious to know why you’re all so butt-hurt over it.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Dear Johnny Depp, please stop making movies, thank you. 21 Jump St. was good. Lets just leave it at that. And, for heavens sake stop hanging out with Tim Burton, he is not your friend, believe me, it’s getting embarrassing.

  • Earth

    Sutopolis.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I agree with you. Those types of films, yep. Surprise! That’s what they have ALWAYS been about: Chart Domination. That started with JAWS and STAR WARS way-back when. It just happened coincidentally that those were very good films.
    If you think Marvel fandom is any more cynical than, say — oh, just throw a dart — Ahnuld Schwarzenegger fandom, I’d argue you haven’t been paying attention.

    Lots of people here tell me all the time that movies are just about entertainment and making money. That’s a learned attitude, resulting from decades of product manufacture. I really don’t think there’s anything to mourn here, except maybe your own idealism getting whacked.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Sounds awful.
    But. Did your nephews enjoy it? Think about it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Why? You think I babble too much?
    That’s all the blogosphere needs. More blogosphere.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Take the first mid-credits sequence of WINTER SOLDIER. It’s a PERFECT example. It is actually the more satisfying end scene for the movie. (A bit cliché, perhaps.) Certainly it would have been better to have that instead of the last five minutes of Cap and Black Widow talking about what was going to happen next in order to set-up another Avengers movie.

  • Earth

    I dunno if this means anything. But hey, it’s not a Burton movie.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE3e3hGF2jc

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I bet you’re not.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll allow it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The other day, when I was toddler-sitting, the kids wanted hot dogs. Since, I am their b!tch, and their nutrition is not something I need to worry about, we had hot dogs, and I decded to get all-European about it and put mayonnaise on one of mine.

    Yeah. Um, yuck. Next time it’s fish sticks, kiddos.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “we’re saving our own lives”
    GAWD, I fyucking hated that song.
    Bob Geldof or GTFO!

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    hmmm he mustn’t have got my letter yet

  • instant relief

    F*ck You, It’s Year!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    One of my ten deserted island albums, definitely.

  • instant relief

    And it seems to me, you lived your life like a candle in the wind
    Never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in
    And I would have liked to know you, but I was just a kid
    Your candle burned out long before your legend ever did

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The Final Cut, which is popularly considered the worst Floyd album if you discount all the non-Roger crap (Momentary Lapse, Division Bell, cough, cough), is, actually, a very moving piece of music if you have any patience at all.

    It’s better, imho, than The Wall, which has a lot of filler and ends with that horrible Bob Ezrin sh!t.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    You are entering the courtroom of Judge Pa Kent. The cases aren’t real. The people are fake. But the findings are final.

  • instant relief

    I raise you one Mike’s natural laugh:
    https://youtu.be/-YFyu9aAZow?t=40s

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    What Tapey said? Consider it dittoed to infinity.

    FOREVER and “the next one” are exactly the same movie with different neon colo(u)rs. Indeed, a character in each one says, “So many people to kill, so little time. Or something like that, except it is the exact same dialogue.

    When I think that Robin Williams was really trying to get Burton to do a third Batman, but we ended up with Jim Carrey and Schumacher, I get very, very depressed.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    THE DARK KNIGHT RISES is as bad as BATMAN & ROBIN. Just differently bad.

    And, you need to work on your impression. That didn’t sound like me at all.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Chase Meridian. Or Robin’s nipples. Both red.

  • Like Icare

    What about that bit with empty pages? Does she bite her lip there too?

    How do I know about blank pages? By reading this:
    http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html

    It is almost kinda worth it that Twilight exists just so there could have been a summary of it such as the one above.
    It’s long(ish), but there are a lot of pictures and it is much shorter and more fun shorter than actually reading the books or watching the movies so…

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    In spite of my rage, I am still just Nic ”horse face” Cage

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Strawberry blonde, at least.

    GAWD, I remember her having red hair in that, too. Only saw it once, though, and then I GOUGED MY FUCKING EYES OUT.

  • tOmy`

    I love The Wall’s filler stuff. It is a cool journey through the album. And the only good thing (I can think off at the moment) about Division Bell is, obviously, High Hopes.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    With all the starvation in the world, who’s the ass who just left a bag of dicks lying around?

  • instant relief
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Diamonds, too? I thought the sky was full of stars? I didn’t know the sky could be full of two different fullnesses!

    But I did know Chris Martin could be full of sh!t.

    On another point altogether: Going from being Mr. Paltrow to Mr. J-Law’s Cuddle Buddy. Step up or down? Disqus…

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Today’s program was brought to you by The Letter ”A”. For A Johnny give it a break already. Please no more Pirate movies.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Don’t worry; no one cares what you like.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So at what point do you nod off? You know the movie is ten minutes shy of being two hours long. How many hours of Hobbits walking did you sit through?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    If we are talking about ”The Hobbit” movies. Zero. Well Somewhere after the Rainbow, I think, but it’s hard to tell whether those nightmares of Munchkins are real or I was still veged out in front of the TV.

  • Bhazor

    What is it with gangster films and cooking? Remember Goodfellas? I swear half the dialog was about pasta sauce and their all new American Meat Feast oven pizza.

  • Earth
  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Now you’re talkin. Nice.

  • Earth

    Most of them are Italians man. Cooking makes up 52% of life in Italy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You don’t even make it to the flying monkeys?

  • Earth
  • Return of the Living Jaws

    And I love flying monkeys. But yeah, honestly, I’ve only ever seen that scene on youtube… that’s bad isn’t it. But it is a good scene.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I don’t know, you know. I can’t relate. I adore that movie, and I don’t even like musicals or Technicolor.

  • Sully

    Djimon Hounsou

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    I like the songs, the monkeys, the little people. the witches. But somewhere along the yellow brick road, I just can’t take it. That middle section is for me, a snooze fest. But… I can’t and won’t say it’s a bad movie. Just a bit over rated.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So you missed the suicidal hanging Munchkin, then, too? And the lion that eats and then vomits Toto?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    if only, where were you at the production meeting for the movie? that’s what it needed.

  • Earth

    More overhyped than overrated. I’m always amazed they managed to make a movie like that in 1940.

  • Sully

    Do you try to watch it from scratch each time, or do you at least skip ahead to the end of the parts you’ve seen? Cause it matters.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They pretty much hated it in 1940. Got wretched reviews.

    Not that I was there. I’ve just heard.

  • Earth

    The Pa Kent’s of the world were all over Return to Oz.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    that was me, but I’ve since come to appreciate the soundtrack.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    From scratch, but you do have a point there.

  • Earth

    Didn’t live up to people’s expectations after the original huh?

    http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/ozwikia/images/7/70/O_wizard2.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110224145538

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Some good stuff in that. Not sure it holds together as a whole thing, but it’s nice that the reaction to that is coming around. It was crucified when it came out.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    yeah the kid sucks, but the movie is trippy

  • Bhazor
  • Sully

    That’s how I had to watch Dark City. It took me 4 attempts to make it through that movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    3 to get through ANDREI RUBLEV. The third time, though, I’m proud to say, I watched it through, start to finish.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    Dam you guys have some patience. i must have ADHD 😛

  • instant relief

    The laugh of a crazed lunatic. I love it!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s one movie I can’t get with. I hated every minute of that the way most people hated Burton’s Alice in Wonderland.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    lol, that was good, ah back when The Simpsons were still relevant, them were they days weren’t they.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Return of the Living Jaws

    I hated both. Nobody can like Bortons Wonderland, if they do, they must be suffering some brain sickness.

  • tOmy`

    But Paaaaaa, I don’t wannaaaaa

  • Earth

    Truly the best days to be alive.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G69nsT_WaIo

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll allow it.

  • tOmy`
  • tOmy`

    I am cautiously leaning towards “could be good”.

  • Like Icare

    Also… It’s a metaphor.

    On one hand eating together and sharing food is a social, familial ritual. People eating together are a family.
    Food is also a metaphor of one’s economic status. A lot of food == being rich and successful.

    On the other hand… overindulgence in food is a mortal sin.
    It is also a very basic earthly pleasure which further distances one from the heavenly, god’s love, goodness etc.
    “Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be satisfied.”

    So, they are a “family” of people indulging in sin. Metaaaphooooorrrrrrr…

  • tOmy`

    “A mother has been killed after she fell through a panel at the top of an escalator in a Chinese department store.” Oh God, the urban legends are real! Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    and all the passersby just heard, ting, tang, tong, wang, bang, lol yeah i know i been hangin out with colin too much

  • Captain Turbo

    You know what 100 episodes means, don’t ya. Syndication, baby. That’s when the big bucks start rolling in.

  • Earth
  • Captain Turbo

    Rich looks thinner. I hope he doesn’t have a tapeworm.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Hey, you look thinner. You been working out?”

    “No.”

    “Ew. You probably got a parasite.”

    “Dude. I’ve just been cutting back what I eat.”

    “You know, dude. You gotta feed those fuckers, or they start eating your organs. Here, have some Doritos.”

    END SCENE

  • Bhazor

    This was the tape worm skit. We thank you.

    Next week we the Red Letter Players will be performing the full Bill Cosby Rape Story. Remember to bring the family, it’s audience participation night.

  • bruce wayne

    Wait… that quote at the beginning, h’s now in “favor” of colorizing movies? Wasn’t Jorge all up Ted Turners ass for wanting to do just that? But now that he’s found a bandwagon to jump on (3D,) he’s seen the light? Does Lucas just think that people forget about the interviews he does?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes.

  • Return of the Living Jaws
  • Andrew Thompson.

    its good to have contempt for your audience.

  • instant relief

    The fraud ratio just reached 100%.

  • Like Icare

    Who? 🙂

    Maybe… Though… His accent is maybe way too thick.
    Aaand… we’re back with the “needs a star to warrant the pricetag of production” problem.
    Even now he’s basically an unknown. Back then, he’d have had to pass on Amistad and Spielberg (and a Golden Globe nomination) to be in a viking swordfighting movie.

    Denzel Washington might have warranted the pricetag back then but he would be simply horrid in that role.
    Also… there’s the obvious “Morgan Freeman in Robin Hood” issue of comparison.

    IMHO, Alexander Siddig would have been a fine choice – except he’s no star AND he was busy doing Star Trek DS9 in ’97.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    There’s only so many Jays to babysit us.

  • instant relief

    I think they keep him in a cage nowadays to prevent him from attacking civilians on the street. Rich can’t be tamed.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I once saw a little poopy floating in the pool. After that I left the pool and told no one about it.

  • Like Icare

    And still he went out and killed all those people in the theater…

    There is just no pleasing some people.

  • Poor Adam Sandler. Lokks like he’s depressed. Or hungover. https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CKw5NOoWIAEtDA2.jpg:large

  • Like Icare

    Through stress. Eventually all those scares will give him cancer and/or stroke.

  • That would explain why Tapey isn’t around that often any more.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    One Show That Sucked – Party of Five. Now I’ll admit there were two very good reasons for tuning in to that show. And both of those were the courtesy of Jennifer Love Hewitt, but aside from those 2 mighty fine specimens, who deserve academy awards in their own right. The show sucked ass. Anyway that was my ”One Show That Sucked” segment for the day, now here’s a word from our sponsors… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyS_o6lqKS0

  • Andrew Thompson.

    probably both.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Maybe they’ll even have Rich Evans blinking this time around!

  • bruce wayne

    I… just… wait what? The little irish jig that kid does is a hoot, but … why is this part of our conversation? Is that a representation of Jorge’s madness? That’s some deep symbolism right there brah.

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah, you can hope.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    it’s a metaphor for life man

  • bruce wayne

    He had to get in shape for the new space cop trailer. On account of he’d be eating so many hotdogs don’t cha know.

  • TapewormBike

    I see everything!

  • bruce wayne

    I’ve got so many bells and racial slurs in my head I don’t know what to do.

  • Like Icare

    I’d like to think that he is depressed, but it is probably just all that partying, considering that AP estimates his net value at $467 million while other more conservative estimates hover around $300 million.

    Either way, that can buy him a lot of antidepressants.

  • bruce wayne

    So… the moral is always have a happy dance prepared for when life throws a new car in your path?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    never underestimate the happy dance it may come in handy

  • bruce wayne

    Screw him, he should be depressed, suckering so many poor fools out of their money with the same formula of, boobs, fart jokes, and mild racism. I hope he fucking gouges his eyes out, and diiiiies!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I am? Ooh, I am! How exciting!

  • Pulp

    In regard to the global box office…
    During the Siege of Kobanî a Kurdish fighter remarked.

    “It’s like in the movie Lords of the Rings, those Orcs, they dash forward in hordes and we cannot stop them. They run, shoot, run, shoot, they don’t give a damn if they die and then, simply the next wave comes.”

  • bruce wayne

    I concur, I bust out a little happy dance whenever I find the store has greentea ginger ale. It’s a great mixer for 20 year old scotch.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Brought to you by Jell-O Pudding Pops.

  • The Ghost

    Eh, a few scenes here and there, but they didn’t seem to be in love with it by any means.

  • RLMkeepitup

    so many sitcoms in the late 80s/early 90s

  • Palpatine
  • Return of the Living Jaws

    *gays

  • Earth

    Any comment section that wins the ire of Reddit is fine by me.

    Edit: How is not liking the new Marvel movies (and in my case the DC movies as well) hyperbolic?

  • The Ghost

    I had never gotten the feeling that a person would see a major film such as “Guardians of the Galaxy” out of a sense of duty, until that moment. If anything feels different about it to me, it’s that.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I reckon its that he hates having to promote these “movies” he keeps making. I personally think he may have payed someone to write this IMDB review: “Pixels is a great 2015 American science fiction comedy film all people must see. Ignore the brainwashed haters who are reviewing this movie without even seeing it. See it on my own responsibility,satisfaction guaranteed.”

  • RLMkeepitup

    why would they subscribe to that and have mike/jay avatars but hate all the important things we have to say

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s always Marvel that gets people’s panties in a bunch huh-I mean how could you even consider not liking the fundamental cinema treasure that is a bunch of corporate movies aimed at children am I right?

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    AKA butt hurt fan boys

  • WrongWithYourFace

    At least Disqus has a better interface than Reddit, and that’s not much to brag about.

  • Thanatos2k

    Here’s the magic – I don’t need to see it to know it fucking sucks. Plenty of other people have already done so and told me why it’s shit.

  • Thanatos2k

    No, you’re kind of lame, because no one could suggest Dark Knight is worse than Dark Knight Rises.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I think my f-5 key is broken. I keep pressing it but no HitB for Pixels comes up. do you think Mike and Jays brains defensively crawled into their throats and strangled them, rather than watch it.

  • Return of the Living Jaws

  • Return of the Living Jaws
  • its called bleach

    are you implying pixels may not be very good???

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Cancerous as fuck”?

    Aw, poor bubby. My guess is that guy used to hang around here as “Heinz.”

    I’ve seen a lot of comment sections. This is the most tolerant and funny and welcoming of the bunch (once one gets used to Andrew). Sure, some of us have opinions which we express occasionally like weapons. So what?

    Reddit Marvel Fanboys. Sore genitals because I don’t like Marvel movies? Get the fuck over it, little boys. And, if you’re gonna pick a fight, at least try to be clever about it. Just how cancerous is fuck, anyway?

  • Palpatine
  • tOmy`

    I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GET IT YET BUT BATMAN IS ABOUT TO PUNCH SUPERMAN YOU CYNICAL CANCEROUS MOTH-

    Oh, wait, that’s DC.

    I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GET IT YET BUT IRONMAN IS ABOUT TO PUNCH CAPTAIN AMERICA YOU CYNICAL CANCEROUS MOTHE-

    Wait, I think I heard a girl outside, I have to take a cold shower.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    END SCENE

  • tOmy`

    And 3 people even recommended this discussion!

    My personal guess is that it was drunk Andrew mistaking the link for a porn site and after third click just giving up and going to beat a real snake, but still.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And leaves me all his money because I’m the one person here “defending” BYTES as This Generation’s GHOSTBUSTERS.

    Wait. What?

    “It’s not called BYTES? Q*bert turns into a barbarian vixen and something farts? Kevin James is what? Oh, fuck that moopie!”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    DO YOU BLEED?

    …BECAUSE I DO…I CUM BLOOD EVERYTIME I READ A MARVEL OR DC COMIC!

    FORK IN THE BRAIn FoRk in THE BRain F0rk Iz Te BRan

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Uh-oh. Tapey is tailing Mitch now and I don’t like things that are different. Help! I need an adult!

  • Palpatine

    Thanks, that really means a lot to us. And I’m serious about that.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Sorry about all the “fucks.”

  • Bubs

    There’s nothing more ironic than an entitled redditor Marvel fanboy complaining about other people complaining. I like how he turns to his support group. “Hey everyone, please validate me! They were meanz to mez~”

  • Bubs

    Wait, I just bothered to read the whole thing. I don’t think they’re talking about us, I think they’re talking about the RLM forums. Which yeah, is a pretty toxic place. Not to say that everywhere can’t be toxic, but I would wear a hazmat suit in there.

  • tim

    Did Rich loose weight? OOOH MYY GAAAAD!

  • instant relief

    You can repair your keyboard by removing all deadly animals from your laptop.

  • instant relief

    Maybe they spent all their Patreon money on a liposuction.

  • Palpatine

    They preformed it themselves with a vacuum cleaner and Ziploc bags.

  • Bubs

    Those’ll be available in the next RLM auction. Start saving your pennies!

  • Palpatine

    What makes you say that?

  • instant relief

    I hope it had the proper amount of suction.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RayLP2HrXVU

  • Sully

    In this case the star power didn’t work anyway. I can count on one hand the number of people I know who’ve actually heard of the movie, and fewer still the number that have seen it.
    Hounsou is a solid actor, and 13th Warrior came out just a year before Gladiator which was his big breakout role.

    I dunno. I’m more for talent than brand recognition.

  • Sully

    I jumped a space too. WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

  • Sully

    RLM Reddit? Is that really a thing? Who do these fucking chumps think they are? Quick, someone point me in a direction to something to kill!

  • ReviewTheReviewers

    Anyone notice the stark contrast in tans between the Mike and Jay vs. Jack and Rich? Rich: “The Sun? OOOOH MYYYY GAAAAAAD”

  • Bubs

    This guy is dead and I can’t stop laughing.
    https://youtu.be/VY2ginwrix4?t=26s

  • instant relief

    Didn’t you post that already?

  • Bubs

    No? Is Disqus being… Disqus again?

  • instant relief

    I guess so. Never mind then. 😉

  • fred

    I’ll see you in court.

  • instant relief

    Supervising Producer
    Dick Berman

  • Palpatine

    What is it with Dick’s?

  • instant relief

    They dangle in front of people’s faces a lot.

  • Palpatine
  • dollar store cashier wife

    nah he refered to us as RLM comment section. but yes the official forum is utter shite.

  • Palpatine

    You’re on there too?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    So what about that True Detective episode 6 eh @disqus_qSI8fsAl8h:disqus ? I guess miracles do happen because I thought this was the first genuinely good ep. of the season.

  • Earth

    Decided to change my face. Maybe need to enlarge the beauty that is Franco Citti. Then again, I do love the hat.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I stopped using it about a year ago. Would delete my account but the forums software is so ancient the only way you can delete an account is apparently by personally requesting that from an admin(Jay Yes.This. Bauman).

  • Palpatine

    I’m on there too, but I never post anything, I just read the threads, mostly because the posters on there seem a little rude. Is that why you left it?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I mean the most active posters there seem like text book pseudo intellectuals with a vocab. of a 4chan kid but average users aren’t any better. for the most part there’s not much to laugh at and not much to discuss either.It’s just a joyless place as far as I’m concerned.

  • RLMkeepitup

    this could be the first time 2 half in the bag episodes come out the same week in a while. get out your Adam Sandler check list of movie offenses again. How low can we go !

  • instant relief

    Come on, they were only joking about Pixels… it’s never gonna come out.

  • instant relief

    Welcome to Citti Wok!

  • Speaking of Neil Hamburger; If you follow Tim Heidecker and Greg Turkington at On Cinema(Tim’s HitB rip-off), they are pulling a long-form Kaufmanesque meta joke with the Antman thing. Translation: I need a life.

  • Steve

    The RLM forum people hate you too.

  • Like Icare

    It did work for greenlighting the budget. Banderas was a good and safe investment back then.

    As for awareness of the movie…
    I’d be pressed to find anyone (aside from maybe my parents) who hasn’t seen it and who would not be able to identify it as a “Banderas movie”. Would anyone be able to name any other actor in it?
    Maaaybe Omar Sharif… and that’s like 1 in a 100 cases.

    It’s not that the movie was that popular – it’s that it was THAT cheap, being a flop. So it got a lot of play on various TV channels.

    I’m not arguing against Djimon Hounsou’s acting, dude has two Oscar nominations to his name, I’m just saying that to an average movie goer his accent is too hard to understand.
    AND that regardless of that, he was already busy acting in an Oscar-bait movie.

  • Earth

    It does feel like a new Adam Sandler discussion is needed seeing as with Pixels people seem to be seeing through him now.

  • Earth

    Who even does the Forum?

  • Palpatine

    Good. Wait, just me, or all of us commenters in general?

  • Like Icare

    Like, Fight Club style? Made into little artisan bars of soap?
    Those would fetch a tidy sum.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_c4HjVGk3I

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Who cares? Just let the hate flow. Follow your own advice, man!

  • Like Icare

    Reddit still exists? Weren’t they like fired for miso-femi-racism and then threatened to death on the internet or something?

  • DickTheBirthdayBoy

    Oh my gaaaaaaaad!!!!!

  • instant relief

    Did you have a happy ending?

  • Earth

    “Manufactured fun”. Truer words have never been spoken. I just worry that this sums up not just Superhero meh’s, but also blockbuster movies in general. Where is the line drawn? Is there even a line at all?

  • DickTheBirthdayBoy

    Billy Bob the Showbiz Pizza bear touched me in my bathing suit area 🙁

  • instant relief

    That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

  • Like Icare
  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’d buy him a beer.

  • Earth

    Reddit always seemed like a circlejerk to me.

    On the RLM comment page, we do this thing called “expressing our opinions” then don’t bitch at each other if our opinions are different. Wooooaaaah no wonder Redditors hate us.

  • TheManHole
  • Andy James

    If memory serves, the show was decent for a handful of episodes, when it was still just about an irresponsible older sibling trying to raise his brothers and sisters. On the other hand, I was a dumb teenager when I watched it, so take that recollection with a grain of salt.

  • TheManHole

    We are the cancer RLM deserves, but not the one it needs right now???

  • playdude92 .

    Nothing quite like a lukewarm recommendation. Think I´ll see Inside Out instead.

  • Palpatine

    What would you guys say is the worst Happy Madison film?

  • Buk Pravon

    I don’t understand the question.

  • Palpatine

    The I’m asking which film from Happy Madison, Adam Sandler’s production company, is the worst one.

  • Buk Pravon

    But that doesn’t make any sense. D:

    You are crazy!

    Bucky Larson. -.-

  • Palpatine

    How bad is it?

  • Buk Pravon

    It’s so bad, the only reason it didn’t get any razzies is, because it came out the same year as “Jack & Jill”.

  • Andy James

    Imagine you’re immortal but subject to the same aging process as any normal human being, except your brain function remains at a high level. You’ve been alive for 679 years. Think of how fucking awful you would feel for every waking moment of your existence. Watching Bucky Larson makes you feel kind of like that.

  • Palpatine

    Have you also seen Jack and Jill?

  • Buk Pravon

    Yup. It’s not as bad as “Bucky Larson”. Just believe me, turn around and walk away from the DVD shelf.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Citti Citti Bang Bang
    (I got nothin’.)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I don’t understand this. I feel stooped.

  • Bubs

    I nominate “Strange Wilderness” as the worst, but best Happy Madison movie. My friends and I saw this in theaters when it came out and it is just bat-shit insanity from start to finish. It’s one of those things that is so insane it begins to double back on itself and walk the line of brilliance.

    As an added bonus, when I saw this in theaters, we were with this one girl who has the female version of a Rich Evans laugh. She thought the movie was hysterical, and I guarantee we ruined at least 5 other people’s movie experience.

    As a runner up, I would say Little Nicky because whaaaaaat?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    boyhood.

  • Bubs

    That’s My Boyhood*

  • Palpatine

    I remember seeing a commercial for that movie and laughing when one of the actors made this weird sounding laugh dubbed over footage of a shark with big teeth swimming. You know what I’m talking about?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The one with him in it. And David Spade. Also, the one where he punches that old geezer from Match Game or The Price Is Right or wherever.
    I can’t answer this question honestly: I’ve only ever seen Adam Sandler in PUNCH DRUNK LOVE and on SNL.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i think its going to be Ridiculous 6. then hopefully a quick suicide pact with david spade. .

  • vicomtepicabia

    The pixelated cartoon figures that have been in the background for the last year have secretly been promotional considerations for Adam Sandler’s “Pixels,” aren’t they? AREN’T THEY!?!

  • Bubs

    Yes. That comes 5 minutes before the end of the movie and isn’t even part of the general plot. It is also literally the funniest part of the whole film.

  • Palpatine

    That would be Jack and Jill, I’ve seen it, and it is easily the third worst movie I’ve ever seen.

  • Yep, that got me and my family too.

  • Buk Pravon

    Just in case someone is interested in a good comedy about someone who wants to be in porno movies: Porn in the Hood. 😀

    Watch this one. Don’t bother with “Bucky Larson”. It will ruin everything. :'(

  • Andy James

    I find Deeds most offensive, because it takes this sweetly optimistic and charming story of a hick showing the city folk what’s what and Sandlerizes it. But Jack and Jill is probably the worst movie qua movie.

  • instant relief

    Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.

  • TheManHole

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Madison_Productions
    Gawd the worst part is in spite of the average rating of 22% on rotten tomato they almost always make money. Adam Scamler has discovered Alchemy since he can turn shit into gold…

  • instant relief

    Can’t you guys discuss good movies for a change? 😛

  • Palpatine

    No.

  • Earth

    what?

  • instant relief

    Kurosawa!

  • instant relief

    Kubrick!

  • TheManHole

    One of the most troubling things is “Funny People” one of the only movies in Happy Madison’s list of embarrassments to get a fresh rating lost money and their other film Reign Over Me (the only other film to get a fresh rating) only made two million dollars. Then you look at Jack and Jill and Gown ups which made 70 and 90mil respectively good work everyone ZzZzZzZzZ.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I thought it’d be easier to figure out which one is the best. The competition for worst is too fierce. Then, I checked Wikipedia, and the movie(s) I thought could be considered the best aren’t even Happy Madison productions. So, I got nothing.

  • Palpatine

    Good Spielberg!

  • Thanatos2k

    They’re right you know. Not about you, Palpy, but most of the others for sure.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Geshundeit.

    I have never seen a Kurosawa film I disliked, and I have seen many that are flawless.

    Have you seen any Ozu films?

  • instant relief

    Yeah, let’s all thank Spielberg for making the Holocaust funny again.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Neither.

  • TheManHole

    Maybe Adam Scamlers next movie can just be him laughing at the audience while swimming in a pool of their money…. Worst part is it still make money.

  • instant relief

    No, I’m afraid I missed out so far.

  • Palpatine

    Such as?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    2001:A Space Oddysey gets my vote for greatest film of all time(‘objectively’-fuck off Citizen Kane!).

  • DickTheBirthdayBoy

    I haven’t seen 90% of them, but the worst has to be be Jack and Jill, just based on the trailer. I was convinced the trailer was a joke because I thought there was no way that could be a real movie. I think Sandler said “Watch, I can take the worst concept ever, put zero effort into it, and still make money.”

  • Bubs

    Movie Confession time:

    I have tried no less than 20 times to get past the opening of 2001 and just can’t. It’s just. So. Fucking. Boring.

  • Palpatine

    It’s much worse when you watch the whole thing.

  • instant relief

    I have a love/hate-relationship with that movie, because it’s so hard to sit through, but I admire the movie for its technical achievements.

  • Sully

    Tomato Potato.

  • Domo

    I’m kinda with Bubs on this. There’s one guy who got blasted for posting something in the wrong category, and another who mentioned getting moderators for the site, both of which are forum activities.

    Maybe some of them are referring to us, but I think others down the list are on about the forum section. I think the only thing that applies to us would be the marvel hate.

    We never wrote ‘sexy’ stuff about Gillian’s feet or found RLM family member’s facebook profiles. That’s a whole different group of people.

  • Sully

    [insert Happy Madison Production film name here]

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I actually love the pacing.I feel like it’s thematically appropriate.Besides the frame is so dense-it’s easy to keep attention! Barry Lyndon on the hand nearly murdered me with it’s pace.

  • Sully

    I can give you a lukewarm recommendation for that if you want.

  • Sully
  • Sully

    Shhhh… don’t jinx it.
    The second one hasn’t come out yet.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    See? I’m the opposite. I thought BARRY LYNDON was fantastic when I first saw it, and I’ve never gotten into 2001. My favo(u)rites are still STRANGELOVE (a perfect movie) and PATHS OF GLORY (also perfect).

  • Sully

    Darwin Award nominee?

  • instant relief

    I quite enjoyed Barry Lyndon. Every shoot looks like a friggin’ rennaissance painting.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I can’t dispute that.It’s insane how it was shot almost entirely with natural light.

  • Palpatine

    The Shining is my favorite movie of all time.

  • instant relief

    The Shining and Dr. Strangelove get better with each viewing. Same for Clockwork Orange.

  • Palpatine

    I can’t think of a single thing wrong with it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’d agree that Paths of Glory is perfect .It never gets enough credit when an average kubrick discussion is had.

  • instant relief

    Me neither I instantly get goosebumps every time during the opening credits when this eerie music sets in. So awesome.

  • M Hedonist

    I saw the whole thing and am completely clueless what everyone sees in the movie. It’s just a bunch of bright colors.

  • Domo

    Jack and Jill was one I couldn’t sit through all the way. I had to get up and leave, then come back and try to sit through some more. Jay has said once that some movies are “We want these scenes, lets see how we can make a story around them.” Jack and Jill put scenes in, but didn’t bother to connect the dots.

    I felt more sorry for Jill as the movie went on, and that feeling didn’t wane when the movie ended.

  • instant relief

    Just like Attack of the Clones. Which is my favourite movie of all time.

  • instant relief

    I hear they are doing the same thing in the new DiCaprio movie The Revenant.

  • Domo

    Eyes wide shut is my fave. That’s the only movie that perfectly encapsulates how I feel working in an industry where I work as a lowly servant to the wealthy. No other film has done that, and done it so well.

  • Palpatine

    A lot of people say that Shelly Duvall gave a bad performance, but I disagree. She does a great job at acting terrified, and it mostly came from Kubrick being an ass towards her.

  • M Hedonist

    I dunno about Pixels. It had a really huge budget and seems to be struggling to make its money back. Plus, mainstream audiences didn’t really like the movie.
    Hopefully, they will cut Sandler’s budget at least. He’s gonna cash in one or two million dollars less for his next movie.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Yeah Emmanuel Lubezki regulary delivers cinematography porn. His back to back wins for Gravity&Birdman were one of the few things oscars got right these past years.

  • instant relief

    Yes, I read the very same thing and if that’s true, that makes Kubrick even more of an evil genius.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think that subreddit itself found RLM’s family members facebook. To much confusion in that comment section.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    #PixelsWasAnInsideJob

  • The Ghost

    Alright, let’s get this “Pixels” review up already. I’m bored at work and entitled as fuck.

  • TheManHole

    I second this motion!

  • Earth

    Shervan!

  • instant relief
  • TapewormBike
  • TapewormBike

    Again – what? The? Fuck?

  • TapewormBike

    Ohhhhhhhh, it’s an old one.

  • Sully

    What? The fuck? The fuck is an old review they’ve just pushed out to the youtube peasants.

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah, I know. I forgot he did that one.

  • TapewormBike

    You dumb.

  • instant relief

    SUCKER!

  • TapewormBike

    You wish

  • instant relief

    So, what? I have needs, too…

  • Like Icare

    There’s so many things going on?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    well more because blip.tv is shutting down next month. no more autoplay care boars for us!

  • Sully

    blip never was top tier…. or even mid tier.

  • Sully

    So… Tuesday?

  • Sully

    My question is, when is Marvel making the long awaited Stingray movie?

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/cc/Stingray1.jpg

  • instant relief

    I wanna see a Snow Flame movie.

  • Like Icare

    Why would you pay to see that shit in the theater? Are you insane? Is that your pizza roll?

    Anyway… That is probably one of the worst attempts at a movie ever.
    I was forced to watch it at a friend’s house and I felt… depressed by it.
    It’s like the photos of those Heaven’s Gate cultist’s dead bodies. Product of work of a group of people completely detached from reality.
    And your brain tries to bend around it, to figure out the logic, and it is painful.

    The only difference being that HG cultists (including Uhura’s brother) thought they were to be beamed onto a Saturn-like starship which was following the comet – while SW crowd thought they were filming funny scenes that they can then patch up into a movie somehow.

    In both cases it is obvious to the viewer that they are operating with completely broken logic – but there is nothing that can be done about it.
    All of it already happened. Forever.

    Except Strange Wilderness is worse cause Justin Long is in it and he is not dead by the end.

  • Sully

    You mean *Snowflame, ya fuckin’ poser?

    Pound Sign: IHadToGoogleSnowflame

  • The Ghost
  • Sully

    Well Crossbones is appearing in Civil War, so… paws crossed.

  • instant relief

    How can you not know of the awesomeness of Snowflame, you unworthy heathen?

  • instant relief

    Both.

  • Like Icare
  • Sully

    It’s all part of the expanded universe.

  • instant relief

    How wude!

  • instant relief

    My forgotten, da Bosses will do terrible tings to me TERRRRRIBLE is me going back der!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Speaking of perfect encapsulations…If you ever want to know EXACTLY what my high school days were like, you gotta see DAZED AND CONFUSED. (I know, I know.) It wasn’t John Hughes who made films that I could relate to. It was the guy who went on to make (shudder) that movie that took him twelve years to make.

  • Like Icare

    Adam Sandler should get the Transformers treatment.

    #justsayin #allofthem #executeorder66

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Probably because it’s under-seen, if anything.

  • Like Icare

    The conspiracy crowd for one.

  • instant relief

    What does that mean? That he should star in a Michael Bay movie?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    To be fair…He’s no more annoying than Marky Mark, and he’s been in the exact same number of good movie.

  • Like Icare

    Marky Mark doesn’t produce and pretend to write all of his own bad movies and bad movies of his friends.

  • Like Icare
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’m with Bubs on this one. I just don’t get it. I don’t even admire it that much based on an acknowledgement of its artistry. I’ve watched it twice all the way through. Just totally immune to its whatever it is that so many see.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yeah, OK, but Marky Mark’s the reason we have Entourage. That kinda trumps a whole lot of stuff.

    Plus, fyucking Funky Bunch.

  • Palpatine

    RLM’s greatest work is now on YouTube:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S02pwn3owdg

  • Thanatos2k

    They know who they are.

  • Like Icare

    Yeah… but it’s not the same. He has a lot of ground to cover to catch up to Sandler.

    Now back to 9/11.
    http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/18/mark-wahlberg-said-would-have-defeated-11-terrorists-on-flight-3/

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I used to sort of respect Peter Dinklage; I can say now that I don’t.

  • Jay Stein

    You are verbose and your opinions are noteworthy

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll take the hit for this one, Palpy, proudly.

    Like I should be bothered by Superhero Fanboys and their insecurities. Really.

  • Jay Stein

    My favorite cinematographer is Dean Cundy

  • Jay Stein

    I recommend 2001 be viewed with some sort of magic potion…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have seen that basement before

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gwbxh4_hiY

  • Earth

    Because you saw Pixels and he sucked in it?

    I haven’t seen it but I heard he was the only bearable thing in it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Except for JACK AND JILL, right? Dean Cundy gotta eat.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    FORK IN THE BRAIN! FORK IN THE BRAIN!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have not seen it but Jack and Jill, if you deny it you’re a probably some stupid asshole-

  • Return of the Living Jaws

    wow, is it that the first time Mike has gone nude on camera before

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Best comment:
    “He died like he lived… being a stupid asshole.”

  • Sully

    It’s a small matter.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Do we have independent verification that this idiot is, indeed, dead? Because, if so, my heart and prayers go out to…

    Nah.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So the RLM sub-reddit doesn’t like our creepy, stalker like comments. Come on when have we ever talked about our pervy obsessions over singers and actresses like Jessica Chastian, Karen O, or Bryce Dallas Howard?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    First and second, please.

  • Jay Stein

    That is the pot calling the kettle black. Beside they don’t have enough man-balls to hold their own around here. If one is going to post in a forum, post at the source

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I concur, tell us.

  • Jay Stein

    Says Superduperman

  • Palpatine

    I have seen it. Oh God.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    To be fair at least we don’t just make horrible references to RLM stuff all the time.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Man, i think it would be hard to stalk both Chastain and Howard, because I’d always keep getting them mixed up.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Size doesn’t matter. Oh wait, he’s a fucking dwarf.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    He is now confirmed to love money.

  • Sully

    Glad to see you wrote his name correctly this time.

    http://i.imgur.com/Asr017z.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Size still doesn’t matter

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Can you give me some lukewarm soup? I’m hungry but I would rather avoid mouth-roof burn.

  • Sully

    He’s not a fantastical creature, you insensitive fuck. He’s a midget.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They don’t want you to mash their ass.

  • Palpatine
  • instant relief

    I’m amazed how you seem to have the perfect fox image for every situation.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Midget, midget, right. Sorry, I’m in a shaming mood.

  • Sully
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    What, do tell, are Snowflame’s powers? He / She makes fabulous ice sculptures?

  • Palpatine

    What, which one is that?

  • Sully

    Does it matter? DOES IT?!

  • instant relief

    He needs to snort cocaine in order to gain his super powers. And yes, that guy is a real comic book villain. Use the googles and see for yourself.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, so he puts his feet on Eddie Murphy’s couch whenever he damn-well feels like it?

    Cocaine is a helluva drug.

  • Sully

    Tis no easy feat.

  • Palpatine

    It does because I wanna know who I’m gonna masturbate to later! Not at all.

  • instant relief
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s gotta be a Dazzler villain, no?

  • instant relief

    It’s a gift. You should use it responsibly.

  • instant relief

    I don’t know… I know nothing about comic books. I only know about Snowflame, because he is my hero.

  • instant relief

    Do you take off your pantaloons when you masturbate or do you just unload into them and act like nothing happened while walking around in Coruscant?

  • Palpatine

    Both.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, GAWD dammit! It’s a DC comic, written by Steve Englehart.

  • Sully

    Ever shock your dick with Sith lightning, either by mistake or on purpose?

  • Palpatine

    Tuesday.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You won’t say that when they cast him as Johnny Storm in the next Fantastic 4 reboot, coming soon.

    Wait. What?

    #AllApologies

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Can you masturbate with your trousers on? Coruscant.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Thanks for proving my point. Adam Sandler may be responsible for terrible movies, but he isn’t a real-life cunt.

    http://tinyurl.com/or7ym6v

  • Sully

    They adopted the Greek names for the days in your galaxy? How do you address planets that have longer/shorter days/years? When it’s Tuesday on Tattoine, is it also Tuesday on Coruscant? I have so many questions all of a sudden.

    http://i.imgur.com/Jv585ye.jpg

  • Sully
  • Palpatine
  • Sully
  • Jay Stein

    At least you know Jack and Jill looked good…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Why does Spider-Fox have an extra tail?

    It makes no sense. It makes no sense!!

  • Sully

    Banking must be a fucking nightmare!

  • Sully

    Ask Sonic. He started that shit.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    HA! ‘Cause Wolverine’s really a shorty!

    Height-shaming is bullying.

    #FyuckIt

  • Sully

    It’s called “Type-Casting” in the industry.

  • RLMkeepitup

    was it as disappointing as you dreamed?

  • Palpatine

    How did we from talking about Bryce Dallas Howard’s cleavage to Star Wars?

  • Jay Stein

    check it out, the wikipedia article cites Half in the Bag

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_and_Jill_(2011_film)

  • instant relief

    Of course.

  • instant relief

    NERRRD!

  • instant relief

    The greatest trick RLM ever pulled is to convince their fans new content is on the way.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I just bought Paula Abdul’s Get Up and Dance. I hope it says hi to the wheel for me.

  • Sully
  • Now I Get It

    Come now, who among us hasn’t whiled the days squinting at those same three pixels of bare flesh, then bragged on it in our worker’s comp. form for pinkeye?

  • Palpatine

    Wha?

  • Sully

    Yeah, but Three Kings trumps Sandler’s entire legacy.

  • instant relief
  • Sully

    Remember when Sandler demanded $200,000,000.00 for a Candy Land movie?

  • Palpatine

    I don’t even know who that is.

  • Sully
  • Palpatine

    😀

  • instant relief

    It’s good olde Wesley. He will crush yer.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Which prevented the making of a Candy Land movie. The problem?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I was thinking BOOGIE NIGHTS v. PUNCH DRUNK LOVE.

    Thanks, Fox, for ruining my point. YOU FOXER! WHY ARE YOU FOXING HERE!?!! WHO FOXING ASKED YOU?!

  • tOmy`

    You do realize that this excuse of a community makes me love you all? You stupid fucks are my favorite people on the internet!

    <333333333333333333333333333333333333

  • Palpatine

    Daw, we love you too.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    3, 2, 3 4, 4, 2, 3, 4

  • The Ghost

    Mmmmm… Chastain.

  • tOmy`

    Fock it, here is a taste of what I consider good from these albums:
    Shoshin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrAT1lLXuuY
    The Cave Singers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoKzyr4zMNE
    Blitzen Trapper: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7zyfArxibk < the only one truly worth t

  • Palpatine

    And…

  • tOmy`

    You have a little gift down the drain…

  • omitted

    You fyucking slut!

  • Sully
  • tOmy`

    And if someone is there to question my very awkwardly straight tastes, you are the one, bruva! I actually mentioned you in… conversation. Real life conversation…

    You people make me sick of myself!

  • Sully

    You did… the day you were born, motherfucker.

  • Reshy Poo

    Ideally with a cake, you can’t taste the ingredients, because flour, coco, baking powder etc tends to taste pretty awful.

  • Sully

    Nothing’s over as long as that “man” draws breath.

  • tOmy`
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

  • Sully

    HANDS OFF, MOTHERFUCKER!!

  • I really hate reddit. The smuggest place on the internet. Creepy? Half of the stuff here is lighthearted rape and 9/11 jokes.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    TBH, “lighthearted rape” should be the very definition of “creepy.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • instant relief

    May the force be necessary.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No love for Orzolek?

  • Palpatine

    Mike and Jay went the whole video without making one Halloween 6 reference. Good job.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
    In Memory of Donald Pleasence

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s like me and Robby all over again

  • tOmy`

    I’ll allow it. And you gonna get an internet hug as well!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qLuGDEtcnc

  • its called bleach

    are we just spamming our favourite movies? i like blade runner because its the blade runneriest

  • Palpatine

    Just keep your hands off my girl Bryce.

  • instant relief

    That’s my favourite as well, because its atmosphere has yet to be matched.

  • Shh.. You’re ruining the joke. Besides we jokemabout raping each other not about doing that to the female crew of RLM likema certain subreddit. Omitted gets a free pass on Jay.

  • Ogrot

    I thought 9/11 was a joke. Like some kind of comical fake holiday like Festivus? No?

  • RLMkeepitup

    I stopped at Halloween 5 in his memory, and for my sanity of coarse.

  • New Content on Yewtube, you fucks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_UQRn3wDyQ

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    And that’s why they had him killed honored.

  • RLMkeepitup

    woohooo it’s working!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!!!

  • Bubs

    I dunno, we were in college. People do all kinds of stupid shit in college.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Seriously, Holy Fucking Shit-Tits!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    jokema
    likema
    SHAKMA!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    YouTube HORSE!

    I’mma gonna need a webzone exclusive, else fyuck you hack-frauds.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Only in midget sales.

  • CyborgUnicorn

    I didn’t care for seeing Von Strucker and the twins at the end of Winter Soldier; didn’t even go see Avengers 2 anyway. (Went to Mad Max instead, that was a real excellent movie, and Avengers was enjoyable but Man of Steel blew it out of the water, so I had Batman v Superman on the brain.)

    Conversely, I enjoyed the credits of Thor 2 featuring Benicio as The Collector.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • WrongWithYourFace

    *Little Peephol’

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “Keep an eye on you.”

    “Yeah, see ya!”

    END SCENE

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s about the never-ending race of who’s the most shameful of all. I’ll let you decide… But the answer is Mitch.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Horrible reference in 3234, 423 AND!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Actually, the thing with Gillian’s feet did happen, but it was by one of those weird late commenters. And all the upvotes were by guests… and dollar store cashier wife…

    http://redlettermedia.com/best-of-the-worst-bloody-birthday-crazy-fat-ethel-ii-and-psycho-from-texas/#comment-1645637578

  • Domo

    Oh hey, Honeydew! How you doing?

  • Sully

    *glory hole

  • Now I Get It

    Same old summer. Workington, Bedfordshire, Workiington, Bedfordshire. Lots of travel, as you see.

    Sweet drawings you’re doing, by the way. You could have a sideline doing henna bridal tattoos.

  • Like Icare

    Tell that to the horse marines. And by horse marines I mean Injuns.

    Frankly, most “stars” are a bit or more cunty, one way or the other. It’s almost a prerequisite in the industry populated by overinflated egos.
    There is a difference though in how their personal cuntisms get dumped into their audience’s laps.

    I.e. Take Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise.
    There is no leakage of their personal cunty beliefs and actions in their performances. Particularly with Cruise who is a model of sanity when on screen.
    If you don’t particularly care about their particular neuroses, they are still perfectly entertaining.
    Even Travolta only managed to produce a terrible movie when he went out to promote his neurosis.
    You want a cunt who preaches his extremist beliefs, tests the waters and then backpedals when there’s a sign of uproar – you got Denzel “I wanted to be a preacher but money and fame” Washington.

    Trouble with Sandler, compared to others, is that by the virtue of $money$ he is able to push his cunty view of the world onto everyone else, and enable his cohorts to do the same.
    And he pushes the “fun” of such behavior not just on his audiences, but on the people related to his audiences in any way.
    Same goes for Judd Apatow, Seth MacFarlane and Tyler Perry.

    Namely, that it is HILARIOUS to make fun OF people based on their (preferably physical) attributes with bonus points for Perry in the “let me tell you what black women should want” department.
    In other words – bullying is fun.

    Marky Mark’s cunty behavior and world view is not pushed onto other people as strongly or with such frequency. He IS delusional (mainly that he is Bruce Willis, only more awesome) but with him we usually only get what the director packaged in.
    There is no such thing (yet) as a Marky Mark Media Machine(R) churning out movies like Bucky Larson, Zookeeper, Paul Blarp, Gay Robot, Deuce Bigalow, The Hot Chick, The Master of Disguise, Grandma’s Boy, The Animal, Strange Wilderness, Joe Dirt and aaaall the other movies he is personally acting in.

  • Like Icare
  • Sully

    You had the perfect opportunity for an aerial maneuver joke, AND YOU FUCKING BOTCHED IT!!!

  • Like Icare

    Only in Chile. They call it the Coup-On day.
    It’s when they dress up like soldiers and go around pretending not to be killing and disappearing people with the help of CIA.
    http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Observer/Pix/pictures/2013/9/6/1378498763512/Chilean-troops-make-arres-011.jpg

  • Like Icare

    I don’t think that banking is allowed in bocce.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bocce

  • Sully

    Stahp.

  • My ex wife

    Swimming pools are the reason I hate, HATE plasters! Even the word makes me cringe.

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  • Mike

    Nerd Nitpick: it isn’t the wearing the suit that drives characters crazy, it’s continued exposure to the Pym Particles. The bad guy had gone crazy before he wore the suit because he was exposing himself to the Pym Particles a lot in the testing process.

  • HeftyJo

    I saw Ant Man in IMAX 3d and when it finished the first thing I thought to myself was, “Wow, this is like the first movie I’ve seen in 3d that actually made it worthwhile!” Especially the end when he shrinks down into the quantum universe; mushrooms worthy.

  • LOL, I love that Mike references an episode or film from Star Trek in almost every video now. There’s a Trek for everything you might encounter in life! 🙂

    (Also The Simpsons and Seinfeld cover pretty much everything as well!)

  • DanteSuckfest202

    Guys, your color correction! Those vests turn crimson in the wides.

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  • Malevolence

    You’re racist to vests

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    Jack is the Poochie of RLM.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    The vests should be made of cute dogs instead. See my vest?

  • Half in The Bag is the sad, sad story of two American men who have lovingly studied their culture’s most iconic, encompassing, and highest grossing art form (film) for their entire lives, and are now desperately, and with great pain, trying to understand why the people (corporations) who hold the reigns of their cherished medium have decided to drive the entire cart off of the paved road that those who came before them (classic, brilliant films) have made, and why they are recklessly and unthinkably driving off-road into dangerous, uncharted territory, hitting every corn stalk and mailbox in their way, breaking every rule of the road, cutting corners, hitting pedestrians, all for the purpose of reaching their destination (success, money, fame) faster and cheaper. Mike and Jay are passengers in a vehicle being driven by a greed-drunk fool, screaming to deaf ears of his iconoclasm.

  • Bahareh

    I was on several flights recently during my trip to the US and I got to see people’s choices of inflight entertainment. Yes, Mike, hate to say it but you ARE overestimating people my dear ma… I mean Hack Fraud Fuck!

  • Michael Collins

    No drama in here, this is nice

  • infernocanuck

    Tell me about it! What a joy it is to talk about movies!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I watched There Will Be Blood last night. Gave me hope [for film]. Haven’t felt hope in a while.

  • Snake Squeezer

    Boogie Nights is still his best work.

  • instant relief

    Oh, boy.

  • Sully

    I finally got around to watching It Follows. While not a masterpiece, it was very outside-the-box in regards to concept yet still very simple, and I found that refreshing.
    It was also a horror film that wasn’t found footage, which was the best part.

    Yeah, I think there’s still plenty of hope to be had in regards to cinema. We may be seeing the decline of Hollywood, but cinema, pure, artistic cinema, is here to stay.

  • Epifanes

    Is this where the cool kids congregate now? Since we all have been banned from Pixels? Just lemme know asap so I can return to my usual mode of lurking.

  • instant relief

    Wanna talk about moopies?

  • Epifanes

    Ehh… ok, although my main skill is lurking, I’ll give it a shot.

    I recently saw Ex Machina. Although I don’t consider it the masterpiece some people do, I thought it was very good. Almost excellent.

    Is this how you do it? The talking bit? Feel free to advise me. I’m new at this.

  • instant relief

    My favourite part about movies is popcorn.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Why would we talk about moopies?

    That’s not what we do here, is it?

  • Joe Syxpac

    I don’t like popcorn.

    It’s coarse and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I would go with Magnolia but Boogie Nights isn’t far behind.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Okay… moopies.

    Based on a recommendation by Jay I watched The Exorcist III the other day.

    Some of the best scenery chewing George C Scott has ever done.

  • instant relief

    So do cocks.

  • Buk Pravon

    The last movie I saw was “Miss Bala”. It’s solid made. But the motives and reasons of acting of the protagonist are pretty irritating. :/ I couldn’t shake off the feeling, that she could have avoid a lot of the trouble she got into later, if she just acted a little more clever early.

    The only message I got out of the film is: Don’t work with criminals. They won’t help you and won’t reward you. You will lose, if you do.

  • Like Icare

    Hey! Why don’t you hackfrauds like PIXELS?!
    It must be cause you are confused about which PIXELS to like due to all those copycats out there which are significantly inferior to PIXELS! Which took $88 million to make!
    THAT CAN BE FIXED!
    LET’S JUST BAN EVERYTHING NON-SANDLERY USING THE WORD “PIXELS”!

    https://torrentfreak.com/anti-piracy-group-hits-indie-creators-for-using-the-word-pixels-150808/

    There! Now everyone will LOVE the movie PIXELS!

  • SkaMP

    [this comment has been taken down due to a copyright claim made by Entura International]

  • Earth

    Goddammit I leave the webzone for a day and when I get back Pixels has been blocked. What the hell happened?

    (maybe by bringing it up here they’ll decide this comment section is bad too, and needs to be eradicated, but I’ll take my chances. There’s nothing to discuss about Ant-Man anyway).

  • dollar store cashier wife

    they don’t seem to know how moderation works.

  • I told everyone in the Pixels comments, it was just too many! We were dancing too close to the sunlight and got burned.

  • Snake Squeezer

    Something about a dick pic and the release of RLM’s headquarters location. Still doesn’t make much sense.

  • Snake Squeezer

    Love Magnolia, too, but there are some spots where it drags for me. I pretty much fast forward through every scene with John C Reilly. Which is odd for me because he’s one of my favorite actors of all time (ever watch Brules Rules?). Anyway, I’d say Anderson started at the top and has just gone downhill. Don’t know if I’ll even see whatever he does next.

  • Like Icare

    Moderation, not extremenation.

  • Jay Stein

    He chews it well

  • Jay Stein

    Yeah, but it is almost 10 years old

  • Jay Stein

    They were sick of all of the juvenile comments (as was I).

  • Jay Stein

    It makes total sense. That’s why I quit going to the Manhole ( I quit cytube altogether). I almost thought of quitting commenting here, but nope, here I shall stay

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t think he devolved(hell in the eyes of many post-PDL he only matured and got better at this craft). While I certainly prefer his own films I can’t deny something like There Will Be Blood has amazing craftsmanship behind it(and while TWBB didn’t completely worked for me I adored The Master-I think it’s the best film of 2012 actually)If Boogie Nights was his attempt at a Scorsese type of film and Magnolia was Altman throughout then TWBB and The Master is his attempt at making a Kubrick type of film.

  • Jay Stein

    RLM’s site, they make the rules. The ban hammer is swift and mighty here

  • dollar store cashier wife

    that’s the point-there’s no rules. they never bothered establishing them.

  • Jay Stein

    The rules I believe are to comment on the review and things surrounding it. Not to spew a bunch of juvenile , potty talk and trollish spam

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Closing an entire comment section used by thousands of people and permabanning people for a single comment is childish. Jay(or whatever RLM member)moderates this place like a 13 year old who found a way how to feel powerful on the internet. You’re in a movie review site that got famous for a character that jokes about rape,murder,racism and misogyny. Don’t pretend this is supposed to be some fortress of intellectualism.

  • Jay Stein

    I like the way the site is moderated. No bullshit, fast and direct. Besides I’m sure all of the rules are covered in the Disqus rules section. I’m also sure Jay gets sick and tired of all of the childish crap that is directed at him, not to mention (again) that I’m sure the terms were being violated by those that were banned.

  • junkevil

    don’t pretend it was thousands of people, there are like 10 commenters here in some weird coterie that make up the majority of comments. sorry (not sorry) that your clique is getting banned, but it’s not thousands of people and it in no way represents the majority of the RLM fanbase. just the most outspoken and the loudest represented in this comment webzone.

    and when you’re posting pictures of where people live and work and spending all your free time obsessing over those people on their webzone, they have the right to be weirded out and try to distance themselves from you. it’s a perfectly rational response to this behavior.

    cry more though, because these posts are by far the most enjoyable posts you have ever made here.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    An average HiTB episode gets around 100000 views on youtube. Just because there are a few active commenters doesn’t mean that they are the only people who want to use the comment section. As far as that link someone posted-it’s their public work location. It took 5 minutes for some guy on reddit to find that because we live in the age of google.You know for a couple of hack frauds who want to make it into film business professionally you’d think they understand that kinda of info is worthless.

  • Like Icare

    You only say that cause you’re a cat.

  • Jay Stein

    Us KatZ usez da Banhamur wit no merseez

  • Jay Stein

    Well said Sir!

  • Jay Stein

    Sounds decently logical to me

  • Jay Stein

    Those who were banned didn’t know what moderation was either

  • Mark Bisone

    I don’t know what’s going on around here these days. All I know is that, once upon a time, an alcoholic, murderous rapist told me to leave a comment on his webzone if I liked his video — and with the added, titillating promise of a pizza roll left to dangle like something out of a Robert Maplethorpe photo shoot.

    I didn’t much like this particular video. I wouldn’t see Ant-Man on a dare, as the whole superhero bonanza has left me cold, flat, lifeless, etc. I liked your “Pixels” video, but cannot comment on it for some unknown reason.

    NOW: Where’s my pizza roll, you sumbitches?

  • Jay Stein

    It seems like they are trying to protect their privacy from an obviously somewhat psychotic fan-base

  • Jay Stein

    I’d say you commented just fine!
    How hard is it to understand that behind the Characters are humans who work hard, and deserve respect, privacy and peaceful personal lives. It’s common sense to be civil and mature on a public forum (comment section). If you can still be witty and on-point WITHOUT resorting to crude and senseless potty-humor or flogging an agenda, THEN you have a true wit that people will enjoy and interact with…

  • Mark Bisone

    Right. Fuck all that crude and senseless potty humor. Let’s get back to raping cats and 80’s Kenner toys, as the Titans intended!

  • Jay Stein

    To each his/her own. I’d prefer not to be raped thank you. *licks paws*
    I also like some potty-humor, when used well, say “Blazing Saddles” for instance or “Fritz the Cat” sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn’t

  • Red Skeleton

    So… wait, back up. Why did Palpatine and Omitted get banned? When did this become about posting pictures of RLM’s headquarters?

  • Mark Bisone

    More importantly, is this going to be the next (beer) case study in “The Streisand Effect”?

  • Mark Bisone

    “Fritz the Cat” (the movie) sucks.

  • Jay Stein

    Your literary graces are astounding

  • Palpatine

    My banning was totally deserved.

  • Mark Bisone

    Deathlessly so.

  • Red Skeleton
  • Jay Stein

    and the saga continues…RLM wars “The Banned Strike Back”

  • Let’s just work this out. I want your wrinkly face back on the commentboard.

  • Sully

    No it wasn’t.

  • Palpatine

    Don’t expect me to hang around too long. I can only comment using 3G on my phone.

  • Jay Stein

    You know I do want to reply to this, because I agree with you, only for different reasons.
    One, the movie was well done, very edgy and trippy for the time it was made in.
    The real reason it sucks is because Ralph Bakshi made the movie without R. Crumbs permission, a real dick move by Bakshi, even though I’m a bigger Bakshi Fan than R. Crumb

  • Red Skeleton

    Actually this is probably more indicative of my reaction:

    “Yay, Palpatines back!”

    https://youtu.be/_7hj6qP167k?list=PLE5D7DC03F3B18C57

  • Jay Stein

    You’re alright by me Palpy, but you could see it coming…

  • Palpatine

    I gave away private info regarding RLM, so it totally was.

  • Palpatine

    I honestly didn’t. But I’ve learned my lesson of life.

  • Sully

    “Warning”-worthy. Not ban worthy.

  • Sully

    Would you say you’re a Dark Lord of the Lion Brain now?

  • Red Skeleton

    Yeah…. I gotta go with Jay Stein, Palpy, et al. on this… that was a REALLY bad idea.

  • Palpatine

    I completely understand now.

  • Jay Stein

    Its the new plotline to Star Wars, Palpy comes back as a Jedi!

  • Red Skeleton

    It kills me to say it.

  • Palpatine

    More like Crocodile Brain. I don’t want to get shot by a dentist.

  • Palpatine

    Say what?

  • Jay Stein

    Your forgiven. The sad part is you’ll have to start as a Padawan..

  • Red Skeleton

    That I agree with your banning. Edit: That is was deserved, I mean. Not that it’s a good thing.

  • Mark Bisone

    No, no, no. The real reason it sucks has naught to do with authorship. Any ape can crap out a golden turd, so long as the writing has some kind of consistency and (more importantly) soul. Bakshi’s lazy, crude road-to-nowhere story had zero gravity, and all his “jokes” were boring by the 8th grade. “The cops are LITERALLY pigs! You get it?? The blacks are LITERALLY crows! You get it???” That’s a flick that doesn’t even have a coherent wrong message. It’s more like a time capsule of the most insipid 70’s pop art.

  • Jay Stein

    Yes that. That is precisely why I like it a little bit, crows are yummy.

  • I agree.

  • Palpatine

    Thanks. If you want to talk to me without the hassle, just go here:
    https://disqus.com/home/channel/exiledfromrlm/

  • Jay Stein

    Word.

  • Palpatine

    I agree with my banning too.

  • Palpatine

    Andrew’s there, just to let you know.

  • Jay Stein

    The first step on a loooong journey…:)

  • Jay Stein

    Cool. I’m not “Bannjudiced”. I’m enjoying the amazing weather, so I’ll be around

  • Palpatine

    It’s like Rafiki from The Lion King said, “You can either run from the past, or learn from it.”

  • Red Skeleton

    I’m not weighing in on this debate, but what on earth is wrong with a movie being a time capsule of 70’s pop art?

  • Red Skeleton

    Every time Earth posts, I just want to hold up my fist and shout “Fire!”

    http://culturecrossfire.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/wheeler.jpg

  • Bubs

    So um… What in the red naked fuck did I miss in the Pixels thread? Jesus, I can’t leave you clowns alone for 2 days without all hell breaking loose.

  • Percy Gryce

    Mark, I haven’t seen you here in a while.

    If you’re game, I’d like to connect next time I’m in NYC. Could you email me (my screen name, one word, at Verizon with a dot and a net)?

  • Palpatine

    I felt the wrath of Jay’s Mighty Banhammer, and I can only comment while using the 3G on my phone. But if you want to talk to me, I’m here:
    https://disqus.com/home/channel/exiledfromrlm/

  • Bubs

    Sometimes, I just can’t find the words to express my emotions. So here is a video.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWaLxFIVX1s

  • Palpatine

    It doesn’t really matter at this point, what’s done is done. And in all fairness, I did deserve to be banned for giving away where the RLM studio is.

  • Bubs

    Oh yeah, because anyone with the internet can’t figure that information out.

    Dear RLM overlords: Your number is in the phonebook. Sincerely, common-fucking-sense

  • Palpatine

    Okay, I didn’t say where it is, I just posted a link to the RLM Reddit, which in turn revealed where it is. It was completely wrong of me and I learned my lesson. Also, just to let you know, Andrew’s on the new Disqus channel.

  • Bubs

    Wow.
    #BoycottRLM

  • Palpatine

    Come on man, it’s done and over with. And this will not change my fandom for RLM or Mike and Jay in any shape or form.

  • Bubs

    Well, that’s you. It has impacted mine, and I’m sure others. Lack of respect for your fans is a serious strike in my book. Mike could’ve been arrested for dealing smack to kids, beating an old lady to death, or shitting in someone’s lunchbox and all I would think is “Oh, classic Mike. I hope he gets out of jail soon so he can start making more hilarious reviews.” But, christ, have the common decency to say “We don’t condone this sort of behaviour.” That’s all it takes. As I said, it’s a serious thing for me, but I’m sure they don’t give a fuck.

    ETA: I did not mean to imply that these actions were in anyway Mikes fault as I’m quite sure he’s never read a single Disqus post, it was just to illustrate my point.

  • Bubs

    Ant-Man is the best movie of 2009!

  • Jawszilla

    but it’s the worst movie of 2015

  • Mark Bisone

    Yeah, okay I sent you something motherfucker. If I didn’t get it wrong, then delete your post so we don’t the both of us get banned for dox’ing you.

  • Jawszilla
  • Bubs

    I’m so ashamed of RLM right now, I really am. This place is dead to me.
    #NaziMods

  • Percy Gryce

    Got it.

  • Earth

    How dare you. Our comments are on par with Gertrude Stein.

  • Jay Stein

    more like Howard Stern

  • Earth

    Plenty of websites have an established fanbase. I’m not sure where this “weird coterie” idea developed. I’m gonna assume it was the RLM Reddit (because for some reason they hate us), but please, don’t insult the comment section. Ours is a far better community than almost any other I’ve found online.

  • junkevil

    co·te·rieˈkōdərē,ˌkōdəˈrē/noun noun: coterie; plural noun: coteries a small group of people with shared interests or tastes, especially one that is exclusive of other people.

    I’m not sure how you think the term doesn’t apply, and I’m not from reddit… that’s an incredibly weird accusation to make as a reply to what I said while completely glossing over the crux of the issue. maybe you can just thumbs down my comment or something, that will sure show me.

    i mean ffs, in your opening sentence you mention established fanbases and assume that i’m somehow not a part of the RLM fanbase. because, to you, the fanbase is only your small group of people and it doesn’t include the vast majority of the actual fanbase. you’re simply an outspoken minority of the fanbase, highly comparable to the tea party of american politics.

  • stephcurrywitdashot

    aaaww..Palpatiiiine? That’s such a cute reference. I’m glad you’re not banned anymore.

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