Half in Bag: Terminator Genisys

July 6, 20152,313 Comments

Mike and Jay talk about the stupid new Terminator movie.

Don’t forget, we also have a commentary track for the original Terminator

Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I saw Terminator Fuck You and Everything You Loved About The Franchise yesterday. Man, I hated it. It makes T3 seem worthy, even though I didn’t mind that much, and makes Salvation seem okay and that film was made fucking McG, a dollar menu item I think. Alan Taylor, I hope James Cameron knees you in the groin. In fact I want to do that too.

  • Camden Clark

    SECOND MOTHERFUCKERS

  • Steven Simmons

    I liked the film, personally. I’d actually say I enjoyed it the same as Jurassic World.

  • Damian Casco

    That’s okay you know…….if you’re stupid.

  • Jeremy

    yeah yeah but answer what we all wanna know…..how does Arnold’s ass look these days? And how much vasoline did the special effects people use on it?

  • RPK

    It’s not a good movie, but as Jay said it’s watchable which is better than Terminator Salvation.

  • Ow, fuck me! I don’t even know who I am anymore…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    7th motherfuckers!

  • Sully

    8st !!!

  • Nope.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s a lot of incest

  • RPK

    They were both pretty dumb. Saying one is better than the other is like saying that shade of brown shit was darker than the other pile of shit.

  • stryker1121

    Ahh, no way is TG worse than Salvation. I remember almost nothing from that movie besides Bale’s on-set rant and the fact that the good guys had a submarine. TG is mediocrity personified but getting 27% or whatever on Rotten Tomatoes is ridiculous. It’s not that bad.

  • stryker1121

    That’s where we’re at with the modern blockbuster. I’d say TG was better than T3 and Salvation but that’s damning with faint praise by definition.

  • Sully

    Are you saying that, in this instance, you’re the cheese and Hollywood is Mickey Mouse?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGioaSl3VVY

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Salvation was funny bad for me, it is really easy to watch at how incompetent it is. Now that is a massive negative but you what that didn’t do? It didn’t erase the first two films from the franchise. They didn’t even do a Star Trek The Star Trek thing and put in another universe. Also who sent back Arnold in this? They say John Connor did but we never see it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    9rd

  • 10! Whos got 12?

  • stryker1121

    There’s plot holes I’m sure but at this point I don’t care anymore. TG was entertaining, if mildly so; Salvation was a hellish, dreary slog of boringess.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I made a lot of references to Her watching this with my girlfriend. When they brought the Genysis app thing all I could think was when does Scarlett Johansson show up voicing a sexy Skynet who has sex with me?

  • Sully

    I agree.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    True, but opinions are like assholes. Every has them.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Both.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I got 3 2 3 4 4 2 3 .

    B I N G O

  • Sully

    I do. Bend over, I’ll show ya.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes.

  • faelnor

    EARN SONY REWARDS

  • *meth

  • Domo

    Man, you guys have made 90 of these HiTB episodes.

    No wonder you guys are so intent on killing yourselves with booze and painful stunts.

  • Hey, Im not that kind of toad

  • Sully

    No! NO!!!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Ishtar is funnier than Genisys

  • You win AIDS

  • Sully

    Absolutely.

  • Sully

    From Jack?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Okay.

  • Domo

    Ebola is a close second.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No from that asshole who looks like Moby

  • Sully

    Rich’s… “friend.”

  • Adzl33t

    Terminator 5 was so bad I punched the theater movie poster, however

    Once again you ignore a great animated movie, Inside Out, and just review an easy nerd schlock target.

    WHEN WILL YOU REVIEW AN ANIMATED MOVIE? IM BEEN ASKING FOR A LONG TIME FOR A REVIEW OF AN ANIMATED MOVIE.

    You guys are more stagnant than the producers of this movie

  • Adzl33t

    And yet after all those episode, still never review an animated movie

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jackson and Parker

  • Sully

    Inside Out wasn’t THAT great. It was okay… at best.

  • Sully
  • Funfact: most HitB viewers commit suicide around their thirtieth episode. Afterthat most people develope a severe case of insanity and are locked away. And most heavy users who watch and rewatch episodes are deemed unfit for society and should be hunted down and neutered.

    #retired

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I didn’t see Inside Out because I don’t like crying. It reminds me of when I watch Eternal Sunshine for the first time and I cried like a bitch. I don’t like doing that.

  • Adzl33t

    But do you want a different kind of review from them? These guys are almost as ignorant with animation as The Oscars, Dwayne Johnson, and Chris Rock

  • Ebola is on the house. I’m buying.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    My friend’s last name is Pahl and his parents named him Jackson, after Jackson Pollack.

  • Domo

    Ah, good thing I’m a female, cause your plan didn’t include SPAYING.

  • Rich Evans has Aids. I’ve seen it on a DVD

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • AIDS is not so bad…

    #wenttoofar

  • RPK

    It all comes back to Star Trek TNG in the end.

  • Adzl33t

    Inside Out did not meet my top 3 of favorite Pixar, but at least it’s a more interesting to talk about than another crappy Terminator sequel.

    They stay stuck with their comfort zone of nerd schlock, and barely doing anything different

  • Cynical Optimist

    Never thought a movie could make Salvation seem like T2… Fuck this and fuck you writers.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is it the Eternal Sunshine of Pixar moopies?

  • But I was supposed to..I.. the joke… MOM, some internet wierdo is being more smart than I *sobs*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    If RLM reviews Pixels will it be on HITB or Pre Rec?

  • James Cameron is spinning in his grave James Cameron cashed the fattest paycheck known to man.

  • Grimhound

    SkyNet sent the terminator back to save 9 year old Sarah Connor and stop itself. Duh.

  • Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    YAY!

    MIKE AND JAY HATED IT!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jim should make his Avatar sequels and sit on the BioShock film rights like he always does.

  • castlemonster

    Nope, don’t wanna live….

  • diehounderdoggen

    RLM needs to make those terminator spinoffs. Fuck copyright, just do it.

    Also glad to see Mike’s back to normal, wishing for the sweet release of death after watching crappy movies.

  • Domo

    This web zone is probably the opposite of a suicide hotline.

    If you’re not questioning your reason to live, you should get sent to this place.

  • omitted

    You know what else Vaseline is good for, Jay?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yay, more Future Mike and Jay! Bring back that old lady!

  • Domo

    Hey Omi! I discovered I’m a power bottom!

    http://i.imgur.com/CWrrt0k.jpg

  • instant relief

    Freeze! All hands on the table! This is the perversion police!

  • Cynical Optimist

    Do you need me to spread ’em, officer?

  • instant relief

    Proves that they’re still human beings.

  • instant relief

    Yeah, as far apart as you can. It’s a security measure.

  • XAV

    YES.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    A cheap gay related joke?

  • Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    And that Jai Courtney is not.

  • Cynical Optimist

    Ill need a lawyer to film this… And make copies for distributi-I mean evidence!

  • rikkibarnes

    give up that dream, man.

  • instant relief

    I’m also gonna have to do a body search on you for… weapons and other potentially dangerous objects.

  • omitted

    So jealous!

  • omitted

    *hot

  • instant relief

    Jezuz HIV. Christ, will ya stahp masterbating over everything?

  • omitted

    My body is ready.

  • instant relief

    My mind is not. =(

  • omitted

    Never!

  • Ogrot

    BotW.

  • instant relief

    They may take our lives, but they will never take… our masturbation!

  • omitted

    Just doing me your job, officer.

  • instant relief

    That’s gonna be a previously recorded episode of HitB, you dummie!

  • instant relief

    Okay, fine, lemme put on my rubber gloves first.

  • Sully

    No. I don’t. STOP FUCKING WITH THE FORMULA!! DON’T TOUCH MY MEDICINE!!!

  • omitted

    Is our future together doomed now that Jay knows he’s supposed to fall in love with me? I know we both suck!

  • instant relief

    Star Trek will save us all.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That was so horrible, Rich is better at puns.

  • omitted

    *has better buns

  • instant relief

    I hate you both equally.

  • Sully

    Jay sucking? That’s gotta be on your fuckit bucket list.

  • instant relief

    Jay’s gonna be his bucket for a week.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well, fuck you too. I’m going to polish my Golden Globe.

  • omitted

    *Knob

  • Sully

    Your username could be part of that joke.

  • instant relief

    No, I don’t see any connection. Now that’s just stupid.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have a girlfriend man.

  • omitted

    Your girlfriend is a man?
    *drops mic*

  • Sully

    Then you’d better close your eyes and mouth, cause it’s a comin’ cumming.

  • omitted

    Gimme gimme gimme!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That was pretty good. If you want more manish jokes I can tell you she has a pixie cut.

  • instant relief

    Is that a swallow over there? Such a majestic bird.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, John Connor… was he a Terminator impersonating John Connor, or the real John Connor “infected” with Skynet? I haven’t seen the movie (nor do I care to check it out) but reviews aren’t clear about this.

  • omitted

    “I’m glad he doesn’t get rapey.”
    But, but… that’s what I do best, Jay!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The movie doesn’t explain it. Just something happens. This movie is full of more plot mores than Prometheus.

  • So… movies, huh?

  • Sequel hook/bait.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s here too.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That lazy, huh?

  • omitted

    OH MY GAAAWD! That ending… ‘Silver Fox’ Jay needs to make a cumback!

  • instant relief

    What exactly is your problem, mister?

  • Cynical Optimist

    Not really good anymore save for a few

  • Adzl33t

    Nope, Im gonna keep asking them, though t
    I dont mind if they skip Minions, whatever

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s from the director of Thor 2, the worst MCU movie, and writers of Dracula 2000. Lazy and dumb is their game.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    A lot of Marix refs by Mike here. He’s watching them for the new review. I BELIEVE!
    Also why is Mike’s camera out of focus? I find this hard to masturbate to. Who directed this, Len Kabasinski?

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    A lot of Matrix refs by Mike here. He’s watching them for the new review. I BELIEVE!
    Also why is Mike’s camera out of focus? I find this hard to masturbate to.

  • instant relief
  • Hank_Henshaw

    Thor 2 is the least ambitious MCU movie. But I think there are a couple of worse movies than Thor 2.

  • Adzl33t

    I didn’t like Sara Connor’s acting a Joss Whedon knockoff character

  • instant relief

    Poor you!

  • omitted

    I prefer the organic kind.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Iron Man 2 and 3?

  • instant relief

    You can’t swallow everything.

  • omitted

    When Jay and I become an item, I’ll tell him to get right on me it.

  • omitted

    That sounds like a challenge…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *orgasmic

  • Adzl33t

    There should be a Whovian guest star to confuse Mike

  • You’re just jelly they didn’t cast you as Tony Stark.

  • instant relief

    A cum bucket challenge?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I was up for Doctor Strange and I lost it to a brit from Star Trek the Star Trek 2 Into Reference.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Probably. I’m not going to argue that Thor 2 is good. I can totally understand why anyone would think it is the worst of the bunch. Any time we are force to spend time with Natalie Portman and her earthling friends, the movie stops dead on its tracks (a problem that was also in the first Thor movie).

    Personally, I don’t care much at all for Ed Norton’s Hulk. Hulk’s design is the worst thing ever. CGI is baaaad, and the action is confusing. Plus Ed Norton is no Bruce Banner.

  • Adzl33t

    I didn’t watch that movie yet

  • … Cumpatch? Fuck that guy.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I didn’t mind the Hulk movie, like Thor 2 I can’t argue if it’s good but it isn’t bad. Great casting of William Hurt.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I met Benedict Arnold and he’s not bad it’s just that I didn’t get the part. But I would have been forced to be in every Marvel movie soooooo no.

  • omitted

    Hey, it’s for a good cause!

  • At least Ruffalo has some facial features that resemble the Hulk. And by that I mean… He is a believable Hulk.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    At least Ang Lee didn’t make it. Remember Hulk from 2003?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You haven’t seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind yet?

    http://media.giphy.com/media/FmsOcKwVAFwUo/giphy.gif

  • To be honest, I turned it off after 10 minutes.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You didn’t make it to the CGI Hulk dogs?

  • HULK DOGS?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Nick Nolte sends Hulk dogs to kill Eric Banner’s girlfriend. It’s the first action scene.

  • I bet Nick Nolte gets the power to turn into a Hulk by the end too. I also bet they got Gary Busey to play that part.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is a Whovian some sort of Brony from BatmanNews?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Nick Nolte becomes sort of creature made of pure energy and fights the Hulk because APPARENTLY the Hulk has more power than him even though he can become and absorb anything.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    One of the hulk dogs is a french poodle with a continental hairstyle. Ridiculous. Needless to say, the CGI was horrid.
    http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelmovies/images/b/bb/Hulk_Dogs.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20111119192524

  • Wizard Phoenix

    More evident by the death of that guy with the comic book panels.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That Hulk, as bad as it was, looked better than the Hulk from Incredible Hulk. Green was neon-glow green, and he looked like Shrek, but at least it had Hulk-like proportions.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I thought the opposite. He looked so plastic, the face has just a photoshopped face of Eric Bana stretched out to make him look huge and here comes Omitted.

  • So these assholes met each other and were assholes to each other. That’s oddly comforting. I bet now it gets rapey.

  • instant relief

    Really?

  • Red Skeleton

    *Sigh* Another obligatory franchise film review… when are they going to start talking about movies nobody’s heard of again?

  • omitted

    Hope is all we have.

  • Boehm

    Hahaha, the thumbnail for the youtube vid is just perfect.

  • You’d be surprised.
    http://i.imgur.com/r4PoJMB.jpg

  • Don’t forget the Vaseline!

  • LIVE WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO CUM

  • Wow, they look like straight out of The Mask.

  • Angelo

    I saw it and it sucks.

  • Instead of telling a bunch of hacks: “Makes us another Terminator movie!” Why don’t fat fuckcat execs just ask the people to send their stories in. Some sort of open script contest where the winner agrees to have his script transformed to a Terminator movie (with a thick layer of movie magic makeup) then pay the random guy something and have a good movie while still cynically exploiting a brand. It’s a win win. This makes the pipe dream of having a really talented person access world class production budget, crew and toys to make a good something for all of us.

  • Gary S. Wilkinson

    Dr Who has already done Terminator in the Wild West you hack frauds

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Not liking Eternal Sunshine is impossible unless you’re a heartless troll.

  • Angelo

    I might be heartless but I’m not a troll. But I really hated it. I have no problem with people liking it though. ITS A FREE COUNTRY ITS MEMERICA

  • Wizard Phoenix

    There is a law passed by Bush stating that it’s a public offense to dislike Eternal Sunshine.

  • Angelo

    They do what they want. They make those reviews for free so they can do as they please.

  • It does get kinda rapey.

  • Djorge

    I really like the idea of a Terminator movie set in the wild west.

  • Domo

    This is the first time I’ve watched the HiTB spoilers, knowing full well that I’m not going to see this movie, and still have no understanding of what’s going on in this Terminator film.

  • The scene that could have redeemed T3. Not really. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kayFrIR-Qfw

  • Angelo

    I’m still on the fence. I might still go see the movie but my interest for it keeps declining each day.

  • Angelo

    I haven’t seen Salvation nor Genesys, I lost all interest after T3.
    Still after the success of Mad Max I was in a good mood and thought that T5 might be good / honest entertainment, but the trailers were already awful so I can’t even imagine how terrible the movie itself is.

  • omitted

    Sounds like a pick-up line I would use…

  • Brett S

    I turned my brain off for Terminator Genisys and Jurassic World and enjoyed them alright. Didn’t stop my eyes from rolling, but I enjoyed the experience. There’s certainly no need to rewatch them now that I’ve seen them though.

  • Clint Page

    So the sequel will be Terminator: Exodys right? And then Terminator: Lyvytycys?

  • Toffoli_73

    Terminator: Syfylys

  • Bhazor

    I’ve never really understood the hatred for Terminator 3. Yes the story premise is identical to 2 but it has so many fun ideas and action sequences. I also liked where the story ended up with them about to stop Skynet only to reveal that the terminator’s plan was just to get them into a nuclear shelter.

    Salvation though, now that was an abomination.

  • instant relief

    Wow, that’s some pretty convincing evidence.

  • Toffoli_73

    3 and 4 lacked any kind of memorable villain. I’m assuming 5 does also.

  • Angelo

    People keep saying terrible things about Salvation, but I fear that when I’ll finally see it it will not be as bad as everyone says it is.

  • Toffoli_73

    Ma haaaaaaand!

  • Toffoli_73

    I actually sat through most of it on TV the other day and it hardly even feels like the same franchise. I do give 3 credit for that at least.

  • Angelo

    With Will Smith as the new Terminator. Sold.

  • instant relief

    Arthouse cinema rage!

  • Toffoli_73

    I think one of the guys said it best during the commentary track. That this is one of the lamest attempts at a big franchise in movie history. I do agree that having Arnold as a bad Terminator again with a simple story would salvage something.

  • instant relief

    Stop writing each others comments, you worthless cum buckets!

  • Domo

    Do I need to put Vaseline on my eyes to understand this review? Is that how this works? There’s no instruction booklet or anything!

  • instant relief

    Terminator: Geritol Follies

  • Hank_Henshaw

    At least it would’ve been clear they were going in a full blown comedy direction. The bit with the Elton sunglasses, “talk to the hand”, or when the T-X has an orgasm from tasting Claire Danes blood, were so silly, I kinda chuckled. “Oh, I get it, they are making a mockery of the series”

  • Yeah, if only it was the Superman 3 of Terminators…

  • Toffoli_73

    This would be one instance where I would be ok with a fully CGI 1984 Arnold the whole movie.

  • pete smith

    I honestly cant remember one singe scene from that film. I just knew it was going to be lame when they went making terminator series pg13 friendly. Just like Die Hard series. They weren’t absolute shit but totally unnecessary and you just know anything after this is going to be even vorse.

  • Angelo

    This is some elaborate fake right?

  • Palpatine

    The clip of Rich Evans jerking off R5-D4 was shown at the end of the Pixels trailer. You may have noticed it, but your brain did.

  • omitted

    In Finnish we sometimes refer to the anus as the ‘butt eye’. Take that as you will.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That would expose Hollywood screenwriters. In fact, studios have pretty strict rules about not accepting unsolicited scripts. Like if a fan sends a story idea to their favorite tv show, they burn that shit right away (in part because they also fear getting sued in the future for “stealing” the idea).

  • No. It’s a deleted scene.

  • The old brown eye.

  • instant relief

    It was too good for cinema!

  • instant relief

    Chocolat donut?

  • Toffoli_73

    I keep telling everyone they stole the plot for Pixels from a Futurama episode.

  • Chocolate starfish.

  • instant relief

    …and the Hot Dog Flavored Water

  • omitted

    Sounds yummy.

  • Angelo

    It’s as if the talentless twin of Paul Verhoeven had made a Terminator movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If the movie had come out a few years later, this would’ve been part of the viral marketing.

  • Angelo

    It’s not stealing if no one cares about one or the other.

  • Indeed. And as someone pointed out in YT, this has a Paul Verhoeven quality to it. Well, it’s more like this Robocop 2 scene but you get the point.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOBGPA2KguQ

  • Toffoli_73
  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh my god! i have been trying to get in here for an hour!
    “Website has exceeded capacity.”
    FUCK YOU INTERNETS!
    now to watch mike and jay say “FUCK YOU! GYNYSYS!”

  • instant relief

    G’day, Bruce!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I think I like Rise of the Machines better than Superman 3. Not a fan of Superman movies in general, except for portions of the first Donner/Reeve movie.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    G’day Bruce, have you met Bruce? he is Bruce’s cousin.

  • omitted

    There’s a bouncer nowadays?!

  • omitted

    Yeah, tell me I’m a dirty whore…

  • instant relief

    Are you a pooftah?

  • quick_moranis

    My two reactions by the end of this moviehttp://www.howtoliveit.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Bill-And-Teds-Bogus-Journey-627×314.jpg

  • Jean-François Martel

    i would like to thank the RLM team, from the bottom of my heart, for the sacrifices you make for our entertainment. I cannot imagine the mental distress you must be in after such an experience.

    Thank you and may Rich Evans have mercy on your souls.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    naaa, he’s just english Bruce… and i saw you behind the wool shed with Bruce.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    Mike rubbed Vaseline on his the camera so we won’t know he’s a fraud.

  • instant relief

    But you aren’t, you are a beautiful and unique human being and I wholeheartedly respect you.

  • Jean-François Martel

    it’s true, the only waY i could keep watching these was to clone myself again and again. each clone forgets the previous experiences but we know one thing. We must watch Half in the BAG

  • Andrew Thompson.

    he wanted my ID and i was all.
    me: “Fuck you i know the manager!”
    B: “didnt you get banned?”
    Me “Err… No? that was the other Andrews”
    B “fuck off.”
    Me “i left my coat inside?”
    B “you got 5 minutes.”

  • omitted

    Do you get pleasure from saying such despicable things?!

  • omitted

    *cock

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “but we only watch awful movies on Best of the Worst…” *look to camera.
    i laughed so hard i threw up a little bit.

  • Dswynne

    Well, JC could be saying nice things just for the LOLs, knowing that he regains the rights to the series in 2019.

  • omitted

    I believe the scientific term is ‘Jay-netic memory’.

  • Som

    well there’s been a half and the bag and best of the worst in 1 week… time for me to go into hibernation for 2 months…see you in september

  • omitted

    In the Great Evans we trust!

  • Jean-François Martel

    Praying he buries it far away unless it’s to give us more TSCC

  • I thought your name is Bruce, Bruce.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i think the line should have been.
    Jay “Thats Doctor Who.”
    Mike “who? thats Atarded.”

  • Andrew Thompson.

    We are all Bruce, Bruce.
    I’m a Bruce from the future sent back in time to protect Bruce. but the Bruce infects Bruce with Bruce and then Bruce Bruceity Bruce, the Bruce…

  • Uncle Sporkums

    25:19 Jay, you fuck! You stole the forum users’ idea!

  • Dun-dun-dun. Confirmed for hackfraud.

  • “We’re also building a time machine and liquid people. But our app!”

  • Dave Tomlinson

    Look I didn’t like this movie either. But they did blatantly say that Genisys was being integrated into the military computers too. So to say thats a plot hole is wrong.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    They’re obviously trying to foil Genyisysysises’ plan to upload all of the nude pics celebrities take of themselves to a cloud so that everyone can see them.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Just to explain all the bruce jokes.

    https://youtu.be/_f_p0CgPeyA

  • I love Jay’s face everytime Mike mentions Star Track.

  • instant relief

    Now back to 9/11…

  • It’s sad you have to explain Monty Python jokes. Most of them are still alive.

  • I’ll be back.

  • instant relief

    That’s where I’ve been getting my inspiration. ;p

  • omitted

    Jay will be getting a facial everytime I mention Star Trek.

  • instant relief

    But you deserve to be loved and respected, you are after all a wonderful butterfly!

  • Mr_Wint

    Spoiler alert.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    for a given value…..

  • instant relief

    When you got to 9-Eleven can you fetch me some tuna sandwiches?

  • Uncle Sporkums

    28:50 Great, Jay. I had just gotten “She’s undressing” out of my head..

  • Mr_Wint

    So high bro’.

  • omitted

    I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that same mouth!

  • Mr_Wint

    Nine Eleven’s don’t exist, it’s an interweb conception.

  • instant relief

    #restrainingorder

  • omitted

    Another one? Yes please! I just hope they would enforce the previous ones… hard.

  • instant relief

    Actually I do, but what’s even worse is that she kisses me with her mouth and I don’t wanna know where that has been.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Much better discussion on this than Jurassic World! Really got a feel for the movie. The behind the scenes footage was cool. LOL at James Cameron saying this movie is a Renaissance. I didn’t see it out of respect for the original films.

  • Percy Gryce

    Exactly. I’m surprised that Mike didn’t mention that COPS spelled backwards is SPOC[K], a character from the Star Track universe.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Am I the only one that thinks it is cheap to have them time travel to 2017? Maybe if the whole movie had taken place in alternate 1984, it would’ve been more interesting. Why 2017? Except, it is cheaper to set things in “present day”.

  • instant relief

    Don’t fly so high!

  • My ex wife

    So wonderful.

  • RLMkeepitup

    They probably couldn’t come up with anything original. sigh

  • instant relief

    Terminator: The Rise of the Fappening? :O I’d watch that for a.. for 99 cents.

  • Domo

    It’s disbelief in a perfect little box, with a nice big bow on top.

    The tag says “Fuck you from Mike and Jay.”

  • “Wow, movies have gotten really bad, haven’t they?” – Mike Stoklasa, July 2015

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Also, I can only guess Mike and Jay are joking when they say “Pops” spent those 30 years working in construction. What for? Does a Terminator need food and shelter? It does have living tissue, so I guess it is possible. Anything is possible with Bush in the White House. So, if a Terminator needs to eat… does it poop too? Does it need to be good food, or can he eat expired food (which would’ve been free), or does he get sick? What if he eats Chunky’s chicken?

  • instant relief

    He’s a slow learner.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No interest in this moopie at all. I’ve already seen The Dumbest* Movie of The Year (*That I’ll See), and I see no reason to go to all the trouble just to amend that. So, I’ll see y’all tomorrow when the chat has gone off-topic.

  • My ex wife

    Rusty sheriff badge.

  • Domo

    But Jay knows who Spock is. Mike’s gotta get even more obscure to really piss Jay off.

    That and throw beer bottles at the camera equipment.

  • Jean-François Martel

    watch the Sarah Connor Chronicles instead tbh

  • Andrew Thompson.

    There is no topic! its all lies made by ‘Big Topic.’

  • My ex wife

    Are you saying people care about Adam Sandler more than Futurama? I don’t want to believe that!! 🙁

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I hate them soooo much. WORST BAND EVER!

  • Uncle Sporkums

    “Jay.. It’s all so clear to me now..”

  • Percy Gryce

    Percy’s Quick Cuts:

    * I’m on vacation in Maine with the moose. So I thought the moose might show up when time-traveling Mike & Jay showed up.

    *I saw Fury Road. See I left the “Mad Max” out of it–just like George Miller did. (I’ll stick with The Road Warrior, thank you very much.)

    * This was a pretty good HITB. Every HITB should just degenerate into a rambling Mike-alogue on ST:TNG. I’d buy that for a dollar–or two dollars on Patreon.

    * The last BOTW was great. Really, if RLM could do only one thing, I’d want them to do Plinkett reviews. But if they could do only two things, the other thing I’d want them to do would be BOTW.

    * Did you know that American antiquing got started in Maine. Maine was settled by New Englanders who brought their stuff north. When the first antiquers and pickers started looking for that stuff, they looked in Maine. That’s all by way of saying, you can still find some cool stuff in Maine. I found another cache of VHS, including a weird early movie by a big Hollywood name, a monster movie, and a ninja movie. Jay, they’ll be on the way to your P.O. Box soon.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    I would rather pay FULL PRICE for any of Mike and Jay’s hilarious alternate ideas, than watch this overblown hackery for free.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Yeah the meat suit opens up a lot of questions. I would guess it’s like robocop where he eats baby food in between murdering everyone.

  • Worse than Linkin Park?

  • array528

    CHUNKY’s CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    all i’m left thinking is
    You watched it, you cant unwatch it… Stay tuned for more ‘Tales from Genisys Space!’

  • array528

    BUCK BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! Buc buc buc buc buc buc buc buc buc buc baaaaw! BUCK BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

  • Admit it, the film roll they showed on BoTW wasn’t Ishtar. It was Nukie sent by you.

  • array528
  • I’ll let you decide. But the answer is yes.
    http://imgur.com/r4PoJMB

  • Percy Gryce

    Sorry, I only wish I’d jumped on the Ishtar train. Since I saw that I’ve been walking around the camp here saying, “These men are pawns!” Mainers don’t like that kind of nonsense, though. So I save it for our day trips to Portland. Keep Portland Weird. All that kind of thing.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yes. Linkin Park know what they are. Limp Dicks think they are cool.

  • Joseph Thomas Hunter

    Terminator 3 is a flawed masterpiece. It has some big problems, but they aren’t the ones that people usually point out. There is no contradiction between it and the second one, yet everyone keeps saying that the second film eliminated judgment day definitively. No, it didn’t. Cameron shot an ending that DID eliminate the possibility of judgment day, but then he dropped to to leave it open for a sequel. The main reason that people hate it is that the humor satirizes T2. It is fairly self-conscious about the fact that it is beat-for-beat almost the same movie, and this rubs people the wrong way. It didn’t bother me, but at the same time I don’t think it was necessary, and I would’ve preferred that they didn’t do that. But it has awesome action sequences and effects, a compelling story that focuses on John Connor’s internal conflict, and an ending that actually moves the story forward and is kind of shocking. It belongs in the franchise, despite its flaw. Salvation and Genisys do not. Neither of them add anything to the mythos.

  • Apparently, in the second one it’s replaced by synthetic skin because the real one damaged easily… and I imagine it started to decompose really quickly.

  • Hm… you do have a point there.

  • My ex wife

    I have decided that listening to these hacks talk about spoilers is probably more entertaining than watching the movie they are spoiling.
    I also have the advantage of a terrible memory, so I forget all spoilers anyway.

  • I actually stole that from someone. You’ll have to go back in time to find out. Muahahahahaha. Not really, but I did steal this line.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “the Road Warrior” is a war crime against cinema. fuck america for that.

  • Do you mean the dubbed version?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    TUESDAY!… oh, wait….

  • RLMkeepitup

    I remember Kyle mentioning the first ones were rubber and he could spot them easy. Then the news had blood, sweat, bad breathe .. the works.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    infected… probably?
    who cares.

  • Angelo

    “Terminator 3 is a flawed masterpiece.”
    You’re easy to please and amaze aren’t you?
    Let me know what you think of Apocalypse Now and The Godfather after you’ve seen them.

  • instant relief

    Actually 90% of my posts are stolen, too. 🙁

  • Angelo

    WOT

  • instant relief

    I actually stole that from someone. You’ll have to go back in time to
    find out. Muahahahahaha. Not really, but I did steal this line.

  • Sorry about the confusion, I meant Robocop. 😛 As for the Terminators, yeah, you’re right. I remember those lines as well.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yes. americans dont like things that are different.

  • My ex wife

    Mike intentionally with the camera just to fuck with us.

    Or maybe he just likes the way his face looks in soft focus?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    How does Mike know what The Phalanx is? Who wrote that, Jack?

  • Domo

    It’s so sweet that even when on vacation, you’re still on the prowl for RLM-suitable goodies.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    “the Road Warrior.” is the rebranded and redubbed version of Mad Max 2 because americans are seppos.

  • Mr Flibble

    Emilia Clarke looks like a toddler with tits and Jason Clarke and Matt Smith look like statues from Easter Island.

  • What is the Phalanx, actually?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    All I know is it’s something from X-Men comics.

  • My ex wife

    Yeah, it should have been future future Mike and Jay. How lazy can they be!?

  • Look, he’s a cat alright? Cats like big shiny things.

  • Lmao at Jay staring at the camera during Mike’s TNG references. I feel you Mike, all my friends and family get the same glazed over expression when I wax Trek.

  • Domo

    So… Emilia Clarke looks like an Olsen twin?

    Hope Mr. Plinkett doesn’t hear about this.

  • I think it’s becoming their new running gag. And I’m starting to get a gag reflex from it.

  • Percy Gryce

    “Becoming”?

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • RLMkeepitup

    his cpu is a neural net processor

  • Percy Gryce

    Au contraire, I think it explains a lot about Australia.

  • Michael Collins

    That was a 100% more entertaining than toyminators genitals, which I’ll never watch btw..

    Thanks guys..

  • Percy Gryce

    The quest never ends.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Mad Max 2 does, ‘The Road Warrior’ explains a lot about america.

  • Michael Collins

    Ah yes, Maine, full of needful things!

  • Percy Gryce

    Tsk, tsk. We mustn’t complain about retitling movies for foreign markets.

    Although I will admit that they did think Americans too dumb to understand “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.”

  • My ex wife

    *Stony.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    The whole movie was redubbed with american accents too. that’s the crime.

  • Angelo

    It could have been Harry Potter Part I.

  • RLMkeepitup

    yeah the original Sarah and Kyle are hard to beat. they lended the story a lot more believability for me.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i really should go to work…

  • omitted

    *twerk

  • Mr_Wint

    Or forget to trim your mustache…

  • Angelo

    And what’s the problem? Nobody likes your damn australian accent!

  • Screw work. Be a gay bird.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    tell that to your girlfriend.

  • Who were those guys that showed up at the end?

  • Ren1

    Is this where we are now? Using the Best of the Worst methods to deconstruct and analyze new releases?

  • Percy Gryce

    Hmm, maybe I’ve only ever seen the original version.

  • RICEST

  • omitted

    Rich and Jack.

  • Jean-François Martel

    i love when he intentionally with the camera.

  • Domo

    Jay and Mike. It almost sounds weird when you say it aloud.

  • Hey, it’s the best of the worst methods.

  • Ren1

    The best method for the worst movies?

  • It’s where someone is at. Like Picard, I love a good mystery. Computer! Dixon Hill Program: Picard 1-1Alpha!

  • instant relief

    Damn, that beard looked really good on Rich.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    She does have a passing resemblance to Linda Hamilton. What’s mind boggling is that the producer’s went: “Let’s get someone that kinda looks like Sarah Connor. Now, for Kyle Reese… whatever. It doesn’t matter, anyone will do.”

  • My ex wife

    I know right? He does it all the fucking time!

  • Oh… WHO-vian. That makes way more sense. Or less. I can’t decide.

  • omitted

    Apparently Disqus is already running on Genisys. Comments posted like a minute ago just disappear. Do they send a Terminator to ensure that they we’re never written in the first place?!

  • Grandpa Seth

    I guess the question is then: Does this fucking schlock finally kill the Terminator franchise? Knee-jerk is to say “No”, but . . . This movie is flopping harder than Pau Gasol in the paint. Five days after U.S. release and TWO WEEKS after foreign release, and it’s still 25 million short of even covering the budget.

    I hear all this sequel talk from Paramount, but they can’t make sequels if they can’t break even on this one. Nobody even fucking asked for this one! Nobody’s asking for the next two. Movies aren’t supposed to be like prostate checks that you just do because (Rick Berman says) you have to.

  • Jean-François Martel

    Jason Clark looked good in The Chicago Code and usually in real life he looks good too but in this movie they have him look so fucking weird… Matt Smith always looks weird tho

  • If you see Jay at your door. RUN!

  • Jean-François Martel

    i don’t see it though, Lena Heady looked more like Linda Hamilton than Emilia Clarke

  • omitted

    Into his loving arms?

  • Domo

    You meant run away, right? Because Omitted won’t know any better.

  • omitted

    Too late…

  • He’s a gonner.

  • MonkeyKing1969

    The movie I would have wanted is Pops Terminator, young 9 y.o.Sarah Connors, and Kyle Reese just traveling around in a VW micro-buss in 1978 . The story is basically Little Miss Sunshine where 9 y.o Sarah Connors wants to go to a beauty pageant and Terminator and Kyle HAVE TO TAKE HER. They have wacky light hearted adventures but when they get to the pageant her big “talent” is a Ken-do kata But while she executed as a specified series of a variety of moves, with stepping and turning, while attempting to maintain perfect form with the katana sword (BTW: the song is “Everyone Was Kung Fu” fighting while she does it)….a REAL Terminator sent to kill her breaks in but she kills it with the katana. But the judges think the robot was just a mannequin or a fake robot, so everyone claps. Then they just really recreate the end of Little Miss Sunshine where they all escape in the van with the trophy.

    So….yeah my way is better. The thing is they needed to keep its SUPER secret so nobody would have known ist was going to be that way so in the theater watching everyone literally freaks out.

  • instant relief

    *boner

  • My ex wife

    Whilst I may or may not agree with your comment, I had to up vote for the avatar. I might do this every time I see it.

    Moai.

  • Clever girl.

  • Jean-François Martel

    This is better than the entirety of T3

  • Joseph Thomas Hunter

    Lol. Touche.

  • fred

    That lame poster reminds me of something
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXJiBkFgprQ

  • instant relief

    Not really, I saw that one coming from a mile away.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcYppAs6ZdI

  • Joseph Thomas Hunter

    Apocalypse Now is a flawed masterpiece as well. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever sat all the way through The Godfather. Someday I might, but it doesn’t interest me much. I like the Goodfellas style of ganster movie better.

  • Mr_Wint

    Pretty indifferent about this movie. Glad it’s tanking, I guess?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Probably. I bet Skynet never meant for Terminators to be on missions that would last 30 years or more.

  • omitted

    I think Sara Richardson was sent from the future do destroy Disqus before it became sentient and tried to wipe us all out for the things we’ve said.

  • Grandpa Seth

    Also, good scripts don’t make as much money as ‘splosions. And “I’ll be back”. And constant Windows Phone product placement.

  • Lol! Toddler tits! Now I want tater tots.

  • Jean-François Martel

    He has to fight a giant spider in the third act.

  • Torgo’s Giant Knees

    I’ve got to disagree with Mike. When Data boned Tasha Yar, she was under the influence of a mind-altering alien virus; thus, she could not give consent. Also, what killed Tasha in a later episode? A giant, black, alien come monster.

    ST:TNG == RAPEY RAPE THAT RAPES

  • instant relief

    What’s consent?

  • Broiling Point

    I see Mike has gained the ability to spray writer names Spiderman style. Was he bit by a radioactive Hollywood executive?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I love the “logo on black” style of posters. But how many movies beyond Ghostbusters and Jurassic Park can pull it off? Okay, and Batman.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Really? Weird how perception works.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Mhmm! Chunky’s Chicken is my favorite!! Chunky’s Chicken is da bomb!!!

  • Broiling Point

    Mike said that the future looked good in regards to the effects, I thought the effects looked boring. The CGI wasn’t necessarily bad, but the design of the ships and the weapons was just so boring and something was off, maybe the shading? It looked so plastic when you compare it to how amazing T1 and T2 future scenes looked. I mean yeah you can tell it’s like actors in front of a screen in many shots, but then you have actual sets and locations, that fucking scene with the truck flipping over, it looked so much better and more real than anything in Terminator: Peter Gabriel. That’s how I feel anyway.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But it doesn’t take place in the Wild West therefore it is invalid.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Spike Jonze and Curly Howard

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Toddler with tits” Well that makes every time I got turned on by her in Game of Thrones seem fucked up.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I think they’re wonderful

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Mike complaining about making Arnold younger. Once more Mike shows that he has a strange love for the elderly.

  • Broiling Point

    He has envy and respects their soon exit from this world. He cannot wait to join their ranks and stop the torture that is Hollywood cinema. Until then he soldiers on.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    I want to see the Old West Terminator movie with the cult of Anti-Skynet.

    Also, I felt like an asshole because I knew TNG stuff that Jay didn’t know.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    But Data was being influenced as well, so he couldn’t give consent either. They raped each other, again and again and again (and probably in the butt, too)

  • Jean-François Martel

    Hollywood execs when it comes to doing a reboot/sequel/etc https://youtu.be/sVz82s3TIfA

  • mercy

    Hello,are you having difficulties with trades? do you need advise and guideline on how to make good trade? am writing because i will like to share my trading strategies with you and show you the way to success at binary option. Teaching others to be successful is my joy feel free to contact me via email>mercybrown1111@gmail.com

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wotchoo got against Peter Gabriel?

    Besides, Terminator: Phil Collins would’ve been much funnier anyway.

  • Broiling Point

    Well in my mind Genesis stopped being anything when Gabriel left because in my opinion he WAS Genesis. The only thing funny about Phil Collins was his quick cameo in one of my favorite comedy films, American Psycho.

  • Otto T

    I’m gonna send you some VHS tapes, I just need to figure out where.

  • omitted

    The address is at the bottom of this page.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    There’s not fate but what studios make for products and diminishing returns.

  • omitted

    Which reminds me, I really should analyze the latest BotW frame by frame to see if the ‘Omittedgate 2015’ item has appeared on their shelves.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    Terminator 3 is a good one. Its better than Salvation.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    A lie virgins tell each other.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    I don’t know why telling a smaller story like the first one and having the humans make good on the “no fate but what we make” promise is taboo. Just end the series. Reboot for greed a decade later if they have to.

  • instant relief

    *gasp* What?

  • instant relief

    Yeah, actually I recently got into some trouble with the trade federation and the taxation of trade routes around Naboo. Be great, if you could help me with that.

  • omitted

    Couple of months back I sent Jay little something.

  • instant relief

    You sent him a clone of your dick?

  • omitted

    Afraid not, just a dee vah de.

  • Palpatine

    Nute Gunray, is that you?

  • dejectedchuckle

    Mike’s writers room voice is nice.

    I’m glad to see that these guys didn’t make much sense of this movie either. I agree wholeheartedly that a lot of it not making sense could be forgiven if the movie had any kind of tone or heart or actors that portrayed characters.

  • instant relief

    …with a video of your dick ejaculating wildy for hours and hours?
    Sorry, got a little carried away there.

  • omitted
  • instant relief

    Or just a regular copy of Brokeback Mountain that you wiped your dick all over?

  • Palpatine

    Jays face when Mike starts talking about Star Trek says it all.

  • dejectedchuckle

    The only really good thing I can say about 3 is that the ending where they realize they can’t stop Skynet and Judgment day is happening is good. I thought the bit about Skynet being everywhere and not needing some central location was a nice touch and for 2003 was fairly prescient.

    The rest of that movie is pretty uninspired though. Like a bland room-temperature remake of T2. I never saw Salvation.

  • dejectedchuckle

    It’s pronounced “Trak”

  • dejectedchuckle

    I would be extremely surprised if this movie got any sequels. Like, I can’t imagine how anyone at Paramount would still think a sequel would be a good idea at this point.

  • hybridm0ments

    I went back and watched A2 this weekend and it’s just as convoluted and silly. But people loved it.

    It frustrated me to no end, but I couldn’t figure out who the actor who played Reese was. Then I remembered he was John McClane’s son in the last Die Hard. I think he was a bit too “perfect” to be a good Reese, but I think they were going for sexy and fresh over accurate. Eventually what the old fans want isn’t enough.

    I felt like they were almost to the point to make the movie really engaging and tie a lot of things together, but never quite made the
    jump. I thought the John Conner Nano-carbon thing would offer humanity a choice
    to evolve and be part of skynet. And then give some kind of motivation as to why they wanted to prevent humanity from destroying itself, and then make some comment on on “Pops” taking the long way to “evolve” and it making all the difference.

    It was all right there but nobody picked it up and ran with it. Oh well. crap kept blowing up so I didn’t mind that much.

    It entertained me, so I enjoyed it. My lady friend who has no connection to the Terminator franchise enjoyed it as well.

  • Palpatine

    They’ve already done a review for an animated movie. It was called Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    Terminator: Genysis aka Terminator 3.5

    4.5 out of 10 Time Machines that look like the space ship from Contact.

    It’s better than Terminator 3, and not by much…. This is not a compliment. In this movie, they removed both Terminator 3 and 4 from the timeline…. But didn’t replace them with something too much better.

    Spoilers below.

    Let’s start. This film found new and interesting ways to insult the viewer. It is DUMB. Now, when I say dumb, I’m not saying “I thought the promise was dumb”, no, I’m saying the way it delivered it was dumb. For example, whenever they need to tell you information (something we refer to as exposition in the film world) they flat out deliver it. This is baaaaad. Expository dialogue can be delivered in two ways, disguising it, or just outright saying it. This movie ALWAYS chooses to flat out tell you. In a movie like Jurassic Park, they deliver it in scenes like the ‘ride’ where they explain how they cloned dinosaurs using fossilised Mosquitos in amber. In Terminator Genysis, they just use narration, or one character unprompted tells you everything. This process begins from the very first scene where they tell you everything about the Terminator series in one big expository narration scene. Blah!

    So what is scary about the Terminator? He’s an unkillable robot from the future, with no emotions, no fear, anger etc. the Terminator just has one goal: to kill the target. When you make a Terminator the target of jokes, you take the terror away, and it becomes a parody. Terminator 3 was the worst for this, but my god if Genysis isn’t close. There’s no “talk to the hand” scenes here, but when the Terminator cracks a joke, a little part of me dies inside.

    Catch phrases. *sigh* ok, we ALL know what he says. He’s said them before, and sadly, he will say it all again. When he said “I’ll be back” in Terminator 1, the phrase was associated with entire following sequence. In Terminator 2, same thing. I this movie, he says it and jumps from a helicopter and ploughs into another helicopter like a human missile. There’s no Police station shootout, there’s no Cyberdyne mini gun scene. It’s not memorable. The line thus doesn’t work.

    Scary killer robots. Multiple terminators are killed including:
    -1984 Arnold from T1
    -Old Arnold from Genysis
    -a T1000
    -a different T1000 offscreen
    -John Connor bot
    -1984 Arnold from T1… Again

    Ok, you do this, and now they aren’t scary. Again, like making a Terminator a joke, killing Terminators left right and centre take a LOT away from the scare factor. At no point do I feel any tension. To cap it all off, this movie didn’t even have the balls to kill Arnie in the end, instead he kills the bad guy and gets thrown into a vat of the same shit the T1000 is made of (mnetic poly alloy or something) which saves him, rebuilds him and also makes him into a T1000. *sigh* Point here is you can’t have a movie like Terminator 2 where the T1000 is so badass that it takes the entire movie to kill him and results in the destruction of Arnie only for Genysis to kill a T1000 ~15 minutes in.

    Action, action and MOAR ACTION. There is a lot of action. Most of it is good (good standing for well shot, well performed, not good as in awesome well designed and a story telling medium), but it doesn’t feel right. In T1 and T2, the action scenes all had a set purpose and punctuated the story. In this, it feels like someone said “we need to have an action scene here or the audience will get bored”. Also, 80% of these scenes are just Terminator on Terminator violence for the sake of coolness or some equally bad idea. I have an idea, take some vodka into the cinema with you and drink every time a terminator either punches or gets punched. Enjoy the liver failure.

    Why do they keep making M rated Terminator movies? These movies are supposed to be fucking brutal affairs where people die in horrible ways. The first one had a Terminator gouge his own eyeball out (admittedly it was a bad prosthetic head haha) but in this one, it’s afraid to show even a nipple. It’s not like we haven’t seen Emily Clarkes tits before, hell, it’s one of the best reasons to watch Game of Thrones. Linda Hamilton showed her bewbs in 1984…. Blah. I know why tho, because Hollywood thinks that if a movie is available to a wider audience it will make more $$$$$. Fuck Hollywood, you keep ruining movies!

    Now, I’m not saying I want to see nudity, I think it’s something that is best used when it enhances the story, it shows things like vulnerability, trust, security etc in a visual way. Nudity should never be ‘just cos’ but at the same time, if it SHOULD be there, well, put it there. Same with the violence, if a person gets shot, show blood. Instead, there is a tiny tiny tiny bit of blood used in this movie. Where the fuck is Paul Verhoven when you need him? (He directed Starship Troopers, RoboCop and Total Recall aka movies with lots of well used nudity and ultraviolence)

    J.K Simmons as ‘some cop’ was wasted. Shame for an Oscar Winning/nominated actor. He rocks up to say lines and unlock a set of handcuffs.

    Jai Courtney as Kyle Reese. Completely different character, and not actually his worst performance. Normally he is a charisma vacuum, but in this, I actually didn’t mind him.

    Emily Clarke as Sarah Connor. It worked well enough, it’s nice to see her stepping back from Game of Thrones to do other roles, but at the same time, it feels like she is cast only for nerd appeal… And the fact the director Alan Talylor is a GoT director…

    Jason Clarke as John Connor. He did pretty well actually, he acted his ass off considering the shitty dialogue.

    Arnie: same old Arnie. Did I mention OLD? No? Well, even if I didn’t, he will mention it a bunch…. Roll eyes.

    The actual film is surprisingly coherent despite multiple time travelling trips (I count two to 1970 something, two to 1984, two to 2017, one to ~2015 AT LEAST). The director (I believe he also did Thor 2: Dark World as well as multiple GoT episodes) did a pretty good job. No fault to Alan Taylor.

    The fucking screenwriters on the other hand, to you I say: hand back your pen and paper, if scripts needed a licence, yours should be revoked. Well done on making this film marginally better than Terminator 3 you hacks.

    As for the plot, I’m not even going to touch it with a ten foot clown pole.

    Lastly, to those of you who go to every shitty movie and cry “awesome”, movies like Jurassic World for example, I blame you just as much as the screenwriters. When the movie executives see that Jurassic World is now one of the highest grossing movies of all time, they will make another, and they will know that you’ll pay to see it even if it’s shit. This is because unlike every other fucking industry, the movie industry doesn’t have to refund you for some reason if you didn’t enjoy their product. Before I went in to see the movie, I could hear the terminator theme (the Terminator 2 one, not the more techno version from T1 which I like more) and I smiled with nostalgia, but when e audience came out, they all looked like they were bored and nobody was talking about the movie apart from two nerdy guys. When I saw Return of the King as a teenager, all I could do was talk about it. When I saw the first Avengers, everyone was talking about Hulk. After Genysis, people were yawning. I don’t predict a flop, I predict the worst of all responses to the movie: Mediocrity.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Yeah, she has an innocent giant sexy baby head, but she doesn’t resemble Linda Hamilton in 1 at all. Lena Heady was better, even though she wasn’t cut like Hamilton was for 2.

  • hybridm0ments

    Agree. I like it better than 2 too. I love that they made the Terminator a killer again and not a pet.

  • hybridm0ments

    Mr Plinket took all my money bitch

  • instant relief

    Sleep well, RLM! Thanks for destroying more and more of my brain cells with each video.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Wow. Ishtar. I will always forget the day I first saw Ishtar.

  • Charon

    I’m just going to leave this here, it seems more fitting now.

    http://i.imgur.com/JHTgVUP.jpg?1

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    They didn’t want to spend money on 80’s sets, clothing, etc. I would have enjoyed it much more if it were set in exclusively in the 80’s and smaller in scale.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    I want to believe, but I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. Will we ever see Mr. Plinkett again?

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Bring back Ronald Reagan!

  • Jason

    The Terminator was rated R; T2 rated 18A; T3&4 rated 14A; and Genisys is rated…wait for it….P fucking G.
    At this rate Terminator 6 will be a Disney cartoon, with Linda Hamilton reprising her role from Beauty and the Beast (and the plot still wouldn’t be as convoluted as this turd).

  • Sully

    Hey, assholes, Einstein was sent to the future, not the past. Get yer shit 2gether, mannnnn.

  • Kenshiroh

    There was an episode of The Sarah Connor Chronicles where a Terminator was accidentally sent to 1920 instead of 2010. He concealed himself inside of a wall until 2010.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_Made_Man_%28Terminator:_The_Sarah_Connor_Chronicles%29

  • Thanatos2k

    This movie is really a huge joke. It’s like the creators were intentionally trying to just fuck everything up because they could. The villain sucked, the main characters suck. Arnold is somehow one of the few shining beacons of entertainment in this farce, because he’s playing a character who’s acting like a joke too.

    Really, the worst thing about the whole convoluted comedy of a plot is that it took what was previously a closed time travel system that almost made sense and just tossed everything in the trash. Terminator was absolutely huge on fate and destiny and unchangeable pasts, especially after Terminator 3. The baffling question of “How can you send someone into the past AFTER someone else sends someone back into the past to stop them from changing the future” only makes sense if time travel operates in a closed fate-driven system. You can do it because you were always going to do it, and are thus guaranteed to succeed. The past cannot be changed, AND the future cannot be changed. Judgement Day will always happen, but Skynet will always eventually lose. It made sense.

    Terminator Genisys throws this into the dumpster right next to Bambi mere minutes into the movie, replacing it with a “Anything goes! Maybe!” approach to time travel. Anyone can go anywhere! Futures AND pasts can be changed! Things you remember are meaningless! Memories from alternate dimensions are leaking through!

    Sorry Terminator. You are no Steins;Gate, and sure as hell not as well written. Fuck off.

    I was entertained greatly by this movie, and yet it is abjectly terrible.

  • Kenshiroh

    Star Trek: The Next Generation used to accept scripts from outside writers.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Where did the schmucks from Lightning Fast VCR Repair go? Who are these strangers in their crisp red vests? If you know who these men are, post a comment on this webzone and I’ll send you a pizza roll.

    Oh, that’s right. Now they’re Previously Played video game repairmen. Ohh…

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    I think Mike and Jay would enjoy that movie more than Terminator Genisys.

  • Thanatos2k

    Oh and the product placement is sickening and shoved down your throat. I laughed out loud when the Nike shoe appeared.

  • Kenshiroh

    Wait, they sent people forward in time and they ended up naked on a highway? They ripped that off from The Sarah Connor Chronicles pilot!
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilot_%28Terminator:_The_Sarah_Connor_Chronicles%29

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Not everything that’s shoved down your throat has to be sickening. Just ask Omitted.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Reese put on nikes in the original as well.

  • Sully

    That was more of an homage to the original.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Yeah good luck writing time travel without avoiding paradoxes, its the one concept where you can literally find yourself in a corner, with infinite copies of yourself. For example, if you only went back 1 minute over and over after leaving a note on where to meet up after midnight.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I liked the look of the set for the presidential bunker.

  • Thanatos2k

    Did he also smash a Pepsi machine and have the smashed machine still light up showing the Pepsi logo to the camera? I laughed there too.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I think I need a Pepto Bismol.

    Ah, relief!

  • Thanatos2k

    But that’s the thing – if the system was a completely closed system – it all DID make sense. Now it doesn’t, and they didn’t even try.

  • Thanatos2k
  • I sent Jay back to the first season of Half in the Bag, so he could give his past self some fitness and grooming tips, but now I’m his mom.

    Someone help.

  • MichaelKz

    I’m intrigued to see how stupid this movie really is.

  • instant relief

    Instant relief?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Great Scott!

  • Sully

    Why do the writers of the Terminator films feel the need to personify Skynet? I can understand Skynet’s need to create infiltration units that “look” human once the humans began to win the war. The need to get into the human headquarters to take out the leaders was a natural tactic to pursue, but why would Skynet want to be human-like at all?
    For creepiness sake, nothing beats a room full of faceless CP towers, making no sound, no talking, just sending out orders via lines of code for the machines to follow, with just the sound of cooling fans gently whirring.
    And if Skynet wanted to be some sort of entity for the sake of being mobile, why choose a human? Why not be some form of shapeless nanite mass, that self-replicates when damaged, and multiplies when threatened? It obviously has the technology.

  • instant relief

    Who played with them previously?

  • RLMkeepitup

    You’re right about the drawn out exposition, it’s always a drag. It was done really well in the original during the car chase and hotel etc. Also the robot vs. robot scenes in T2 tended in hinge on humans in the scenes that grounded it in reality. This avoids the ‘transformers overload’ effect. I have a ton of respect for Cameron’s effort on T2, it’s still one of my favorite action movies. Almost all scenes are memorable and that takes huge direction.

  • Thanatos2k

    So old Arnold can build a time machine in the sewers in 1984, but zombie robot John Conner can’t build a working time machine in 2017 when he had the knowledge bank of Skynet at his disposal? Do they expect us to not notice this pig slop?

  • RLMkeepitup

    I think pepsi was in T2 at some point, I could be wrong haha

  • Dswynne

    I heard that a new television series is in the works, though I don’t know if it will be connected to TSCC or not…

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    Yeah, It seems like the 3rd prequel. Lets get it over with. But it will of course be better than that.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    I thought I was his mom. har har snarf

  • Dswynne

    The should have given the actress ’80s hair to match the role.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’m not for sure it can ever make sense. Stephen Hawking has talks about the paradox stuff that’s in addition to the physics behind it being just really unlikely. My meager understanding is that one could go forward in time but only a bit and if you were near a massive gravity field going light speed. Pretty impractical, but hey movies are fantasy.

  • instant relief

    …and I’m his dad.

  • instant relief

    Resistance is fertile.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    Wait, “writers”?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Mike had it all figured out a couple of HitBs ago.

    Pfft, scientists!

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    HAH! You called it pig slop. haha thats funny.

  • RLMkeepitup

    this is what made the third film weird for me when that talking hologram started giving matrix talk. the way skynet went online too in the film was a disappoint should have been left to imagination, meh

  • instant relief

    Writers as in a room full of monkeys with typewriters.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    then you better be a female sex robot.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    throwing their shit everywhere.

  • Thanatos2k

    We’re not talking about reality, we’re talking about the context of the movies. It made sense in the context of the movies.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    I wanted to hear more about TNG.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    I hate that they turned the Terminator from an unstoppable killing machine into something that dies by the half-dozen in movies now. That’s one of the worst crimes here.

  • Grandpa Seth

    Shiiiiit what else are they gonna make? An original and well-written story? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    I don’t think it is honestly. It turns Arnie into a parody of himself, with lines like “she’ll be back”. WTF. At least Salvation had the balls to stay away from time travel and to play around in the future. Yeah, ok, it sucked, but I think it sucked because it was a McG film. Terminator 3 looks like a shitty shot on home video movie, the effects are worse than T2, and the ‘acting’ is almost non-existent.

  • Mike Magnum

    Well personally im happy they made John Carter into a Bad Guy. I always hated that annoying Goth Kid from T2.

  • Thanatos2k

    Rich Evans needs to wander into the frame and discuss with Mike. We know from the commentary tracks that he knows what Mike is talking about.

    Then Jay can just sit there and suffer.

  • Sully
  • Thanatos2k

    And then the giant black goo raped Riker.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The Infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard, could churn out the script for a modern blockbuster movie in about a week or two.

  • RLMkeepitup

    That does sound lame. It must have taken a long time to make the props in T1, including the flying and tank tred robots.. even though they’re only on screen a minute or so. The tendancy now, in addition to not using practicals, would be to have a long drawn out battle scene that carries no weight and shows too much.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    Can we just acknowledge that Hollywood has forgot that trailers aren’t supposed to give away the whole movie? I mean, ok, they have spoiled things before, such as when they said Arnie is back as the good guy in T2’s trailer, but, honestly, EVERYTHING was given away here. Shots from every action sequence, Connor being a robot, T1000 in 1984, Sarah Connor is a badass, time has been altered, Arnie fights himself…

    etc.

    etc.

  • Thanatos2k

    When they’re doing shot reverse shot with A camera and B camera their vests are orange. When they use the wide shot that shows both of them their vests are red.

    You may not have noticed it, but your brain did. Also you might have noticed it too because it’s glaring.

  • instant relief

    Wow, I did not know that. Thanks for sharing the knowledge.

  • Thanatos2k

    Thing is, can you imagine how mad people would be if they hid the story of the movie in the trailers? They did it so you only have yourself to blame if you knew what was going to happen and paid anyways.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    It’s just scene after scene of Terminators punching each other. The best sequence was at the start when they had the Arneis fight followed by the first T1000 fight. Problem is, that’s normally the shit you save until THE END of a movie. You can’t kill a T1000 in 5 minutes when it took you all of T2 to kill one… and even then, barely…

  • Grandpa Seth

    Eddie Furlong had more charisma than every other person who played John Connor combined. Yes, he was a little shit, but in the end, you root for him cause you don’t wanna see him get mangled by a fucking liquid Terminator.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    I dunno, people can be fooled by a good plot twist. Look at Into Darkness, people gobbled that up yet the plot was nothing like the trailer. The trailer played it out as a rogue Federation Captain who Kirk was out to stop, and it turned out that there was a rogue Admiral who kinda needed stopping but only if Kirk and Khan teamed up after Khan betrays the Admiral who also betrayed him and then Spock and Kirk fall out of love, then Kirk dies, but Spock punches Khan for 20 minutes in order to save Kirk… Jesus, that shit happened!

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    I dunno, future Connor in T2 looked fine to me.

  • Markham

    My opinion has always been that Peter Cushing was the best Doctor Who.

  • Thanatos2k

    You know, if the Terminator’s eyes really were glowing red behind their fake skin eyeballs, you’d still be able to see the red light coming out through their retina.

    JAMES CAMERON YOU HACK FRAUD.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    not sure what movie you watched. Maybe it was Lady Terminator.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Apparently James Cameron, George Lucas, and all of Happy Madison Productions played them for fools.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    no wait….thats cuz… movie.

  • RLMkeepitup

    his career really didn’t go far after T2 and he looked rough in stuff I saw him in afterward.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    I did watch that believe it or not, was great. But no, T3 was the worst in the franchise. That’s my opinion, yours is just as valid as mine.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    Maybe it was Russian Terminator.

  • Grandpa Seth

    Yeah, but he wasn’t even a character. In T2 if I remember right, he just walks down a trench, some people salute him, and he looks to the horizon with his goggles.
    Now let’s rate our other Connors.
    NICK . . STAHL: Who? This junkie is nothing like the John who survived T2. He lost his balls and does almost nothing all movie. I give him 1/5 Furlongs.
    CHRISTIAN . . BALE: Bale forgot he wasn’t supposed to do the batman voice and actually gets upstaged by Sam Worthington. That’s like getting outshined by Gluten-free waffles. He also gets 1/5 Furlongs.
    Finally Jason Clarke: DOESN’T MATTER CAUSE HE’S A TERMINATOR NOW. 0/5 Furlongs for the imposter.
    Giving us a grand total of 2/5ths of a Furlong.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    What a hit!

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    You mean Admiral Tarkin.

  • Grandpa Seth

    Drugs is a hell of a drug, man.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    What about Sarah Connor Chronicles Connor?

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    Grand Moff Tarkin, come on man…. he’s mates with Captain ImAbadGuy

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    I didnt think any of these stupid internet fucks would know what a Grand Moff is. JK lol

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    Do you think these guys have any hundreds of copies of their movies left? I wanted to buy some.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, if a friend asks you to go check Terminator: Genisys, because “how bad can it be?”… what do you do?

    POSSIBLE RESPONSE:

    YES/NO
    OR WHAT?
    GO AWAY
    PLEASE, COME BACK LATER
    FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE
    FUCK YOU

  • bleurgh

    The did the whole Terminator in the Old West thing on Doctor Who. I thought it was awesome, but most critics panned it. Also, it was done on Red Dwarf and is one of the best episodes of that series they ever made.

    Both of these shows were inspired by the movie Westworld, but I don’t think that film entirely lives up to it’s premise despite containing some great concepts and moments.

    They again revisited Westworld on Red Dwarf where they travel to a planet that is inhabited by waxwork figures which have gained sentience.

  • Grandpa Seth

    Truthfully, T2’s ending was so final, I think anything after it was damn near bound to fail. The only thing I would ever really want to see from a third would be the future war done well.

    Make it look and feel like the future sequences from the first two. Gimme Connor and his squad beating Skynet and sending Reese through the time displacement equipment. Story ends the same way the first began.

    But I agree with you. I don’t get why all movies have to be the BIGGEST EVER now and none of them can get a tight script or memorable characters or tension. All the blockbusters came off the same assembly line.

  • Grandpa Seth

    Good question, but if you think Thomas Dekker was worth 3/5ths of a Furlong, then that’s on you, man. I cared so little for that show. They started sending back all these terminators and I was like . . . SOLD

  • Sully

    Anyone else wish the filmmakers would’ve gone through the effort of building CG versions of Bill Paxton and Brian Thompson while they were at it? I mean, come on… not even close. No tire tread tat?!

    http://i.imgur.com/M2YszOT.jpg

  • Sully

    *Fock ewe, aus’hull.

  • instant relief

    Prolly would’ve been too expensive.

  • Sully

    The entire movie was too expensive for what it was.

  • instant relief

    But it’s all connected ‘n shit to the previous movies, man. Don’t you see it? It’s all one large artistic endeavour. Each movie rhymes with the previous one.
    #terminatorringtheory

  • Sully

    You know what “No Tire Tread Tat” rhymes with? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not “Continuity.”

  • instant relief

    You’re right, but I’m guessing that’s the movie’s least of problems. 😉

  • shogunmaster

    You’re watching these things with not enough booze in you.

  • bleurgh

    Avengers 2 was way worse than it got reviewed. People were kind to it based on the performances and what came before.

  • arekexcelsior

    See, to me, as a Terminator fan, the moment you start telling me about the gibberish in this movie, I get angry. Because I’m not a fan of robots made of liquid metal, I’m a fan of a story that is about something. I just don’t get how fans of a film, that watched it and presumably fell in love because it’s good, can watch something that’s totally unrelated. Why not just cut in two minutes of a Terminator into Her? It’d at least be more appropriate and thematically connected.

  • Danny.

    Dear Mike and Jay,

    Please include future Mike and Jay in your next review.

    A review featuring two Mikes and two Jays.

    Sincerly, the undersigned.

  • Sully

    That little wink is sexual harassment, you know.

  • instant relief

    =(

  • Bourgeoisie

    Mike is out of focus. Maybe Jay should get him some Claritin.

  • Arthur Wesley
  • Noodles

    So, here’s a happy thought. We all know that Hollywood will make this into a trilogy…it’s all planned out. There will be a happy ending, in which everything we’ve seen will be undone, and Sarah will return to the point of the story where all the time-travel hocus pocus started, at age 9 I think, and the time loop will be closed forever. So, none of this actually will have ever happened, or been happening in the future and past combined. Essentially, it’ll be like this film never existed in the first place. We won’t be tempted to waste our money on this film series when the sequels come out, because they will have blinked out of existence due to a predestination paradox = )

  • bleurgh

    Does anyone know anyone or has anyone had any interactions with anyone involved in this cosplay / porn movement? Does anyone believe this is genuinely anything other than software porn for nerds? Some girl in my news feed was ranting about how one of her cosplay / porn photos ended up on a porn site and people were SHOCK HORROR using it and talking about it like it was porn. This shot was literally a picture of her and another girl, pant-less, on a bed, making out, with one wearing a batman logo t-shirt and one wearing a superman logo t-shirt. I pointed out that if she didn’t want to be in porn she probably shouldn’t make porn then upload it publicly to social media and she was livid and started ranting about how this was all the patriarchies fault or some such shit. Can someone explain the cognitive dissonance to me here? How can these people not realise they are amateur porn-stars?

  • Danners

    Mike is the Frank Reynolds of the RLM crew. Over time his madness increases and his commentary gets more ridiculous.

  • Danners

    Wtf are you talking about?

  • Saruma

    I think we need to see this cosplay picture to properly answer the question, or any question for that matter.

  • Saruma

    I came out of the movie liking it quite a bit, though I was fairly annoyed at how many references to the previous films they made. Try as they might, Mike and Jay still don’t convey how pervasive it is.

    Now the more I think about the movie the more it is bugging me. Watching Half in the Bag and Brad Jones’s reviews is really starting to sour me on it. Probably would have been best to walk out of the theater happy and not think about the movie ever again.

    That being said, I still would rank it in the middle of the film series. It isn’t anywhere close to as good as 1& 2, but it is better than 3 & 4.

  • Saruma

    Agreed, but only if they are being chased by the Plinkettnator.

  • James Earl Jones

    That would be too much, IMO. Tire tread make-up would be alright, though.

  • Saruma

    I found fake baby bump John Connor from the end of T1 to be the most believable.

  • James Earl Jones

    They should really fix the color differences in the cameras they’re using.
    IF they’re not changing vests super fast or helped by some movie editing magic.

  • RubberCop

    Okay, but didn’t T5 end with a happy ending? I’m pretty sure that’s what happened in the movie.

  • RubberCop

    Love it!

  • bleurgh

    Your illiteracy is not my problem. Nothing I wrote was difficult to understand. Maybe you should have payed more attention in school.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Or moreso, they should go back to the old uniforms where it’s not as noticeable!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *UNSUBSCRIBE!

  • LameSame

    I mean, what you’re saying is all a little out of left-field. I agree with you but it’s rather out of nowhere and I can see how one would be easily confused.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That is the nature of RLM comments and y’all just have to come to terms with that.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    nanites lead to the “Grey Goo Apocalypse”

  • Noodles

    No, because Skynet is still alive, mid-credit scene at the end. If it was a happy ending, Kyle Reece & Pops would have blinked out of existence, and the final scene would have been 9 year old Sarah at her parents’ house before they were murdered. Because Kyle & Pops are still around, Skynet made it’s time machine, sent the Terminators back to 1973, 1984, 1992, 200-whatever for T3000 John Conner…none of that would have happened if Skynet was completely destroyed in 2017.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Hehe.

    Patriarchy…

  • LameSame

    You’re right. I’ll overcome my denial someday.

  • RubberCop

    You see, that’s why this movie was terrible. The amount of stupidity made me not think for the last 30 min of it, and I missed the mid-credit scene because I diddn’t know it was there. Fuck mid-credit scenes. Fuck’em.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Rich Evanses’ red/orange puffy vest also did that in the 101 Wacky Kid Jokes videos.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    the only clever thing in T3 was having skynet escape and hide in the Internet to survive the war.
    its a shame the just showed the ‘Stock footage of computers’ montage to visualise it.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Wait until you find out that Khaleesi was 13 in the first book

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you’re just jealous that mike doesn’t talk about you any more.

  • castlemonster

    Terminator 6: The Hills Have Eyes

  • Snake Squeezer

    Killin’ it!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats fair.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    both.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I want to know what made jay laugh as the video starts.
    i assume it was something to do with human misery.

  • bskipper27

    They travel forward in time to stop Skynet and only give themselves 24 hours to do so when they already had 30 YEARS! That’s barbarically stupid, even for a summer blockbuster.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats too clever they will never do that.

  • Noodles

    I agree…it fails all logic if you really think about time travel paradoxes and what the lame writers shat out on paper. The movie should have ended with Kyle & Sarah traveling forward in time to 2017. In the original film, they bone in 1984…John is born, becomes the resistance leader and so on. What happens in T5 just can’t happen, because John Conner wouldn’t exist…he wasn’t conceived in 1984, so how can future John travel back in time as the T3000? See what I mean by predetermined paradox or causality loop paradox? The movie is broken by it’s own logic. It should have stayed in 1984, with an army of Terminators coming after them.

  • Snake Squeezer

    What they should really do is go back to Mike’s idea from when they recently re-arrived Lighting Fast Video after the Plinket house episodes, and try to do something awful to Rich and Jack/ The show could take on a kind of elaborate spy vs spy thing.

  • Noodles

    Think that’s completely dumb, how about this: The movie should have ended with Kyle & Sarah traveling forward in time to 2017. In the original film, they bone in 1984…John is born, becomes the resistance leader and so on. What happens in T5 just can’t happen because John Conner wouldn’t exist…he wasn’t conceived in 1984, wasn’t there to save Kyle (he’s murdered as a child by a Terminator), so how can he be John Conner’s father in the past?

    I posted a similar comment below…goddamn this movie makes my brain hurt.

  • Micha

    You guy, watch and Review Victoria pls!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Fuck Sara Conner! lets get back to talking about $arah Richard$on.

  • zaz926

    JAY…. let’s watch Star Trek TNG together

  • Bigman Smallface

    The two versions of Mike and Jay on screen at the end of this episode look far more believable and well done than anything shown in the Terminator footage.

  • Angelo

    Nothing you’ve said surprises me.

  • Angelo

    NOBODY GIVES A FUCK

  • Focus! Do you need me to come run cameras for you guys? I can gaf, too 😉

  • Angelo

    It’s all part of the plan.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats true. you have at least by her a drink.

  • RubberCop

    Your idea sounds both stupid and better.

  • Arthur Wesley

    Genisys Sequel poster is already out – http://s3.postimg.org/85bka3iyb/term_jnr.jpg

  • Angelo

    That’s almost every trailer now. That’s why I don’t watch trailers anymore, except in theaters when I don’t have any choice.

  • Angelo

    Something got lost in translation.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Gives implies it is offered for free and Fuck mean sex.

  • Angelo

    There is someone willing to suffer with you watching a bad movie. How can you hesitate? I find your lack of faith etc.

  • Cakefarts

    First!

  • omitted

    He realized in how much agony I would be having to watch him be überhot in another video without being able to to anything about it. I’m sure that always brings at least a smile to his face.

  • Angelo

    Ooooooooooooh so what you meant was something like “you should at least buy her a drink” I get it now.

  • omitted

    *fist

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that is a perfect New Zealand accent.

  • Cakefarts

    Not today. I used my time machine to be first AND to avoid your fist. I’m a slippery one.

  • omitted

    I wasn’t offering, I was asking.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *double the fist!

    https://youtu.be/V3i2Af13zFw

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *begging?

  • Cakefarts

    Bill Cosby used to say that too. Your lack of a question mark reveals the inner you for the scoundrel you are.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    EEEW! Bill is bad touch.

  • Angelo

    They should have stopped with time travel altogether. We want future war between man and machines goddammit!
    Lost did a nice thing with time travel I think in season 5, the most convincing representation of time travel for me.

  • omitted

    I never beg on the first date.

  • Bob Borries

    Oh look Jay has a sunburn, I wonder if he was in the wilderness hunting… for chicken.

  • Cakefarts

    I have! It worked out great – you should give it a try LOL

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats why i never get laid…

  • omitted

    Jay is the prey, clearly.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    calm down.

  • omitted

    *flips the table*
    Don’t ever tell me to CALM DOWN!!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    just because you’re losing at Risk, there is no reason to turn over the table.

  • omitted
  • omitted
  • omitted

    Didn’t we agree that the loser would suck the winner’s dick? I just wanted to skip to the end…

  • Garland

    I haven’t watched this yet but does anything exciting happen in the overall RLM Mythology plot regarding them and their battle to take over the store again? You see, I watch Half in the Bag primarily for the story, I don’t care about the movie reviews

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *gag

  • Garland

    “on half in the bag we only watch terrible movies” and then they look at the camera. I think they’re speaking to all of you! do you always say that about them??

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Mmm… Only one of my earphones is working… A great excuse to rewatch this in stereo later.

  • omitted

    *hetero

  • omitted

    Cum on, professionals don’t gag.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Did they ever explain why Arnoldinator was old-looking? And why he would smoke a cigar?

    And I wonder if Mike and Jay know that Batman vs. Predator was an actual thing: http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/5/59300/3556763-1345177893-18013.jpg

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Just go in 10-15 minutes late and you’ll be fine.

  • Angelo

    That works when you are alone, but some people do like to see trailers in theaters, I don’t know why.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You could get one of those chocolate-cast penis things.

  • Malevolence

    Just gonna put it out there, don’t care what people think of Terminator 1 and 2, I thought the acting was great, even if it was a silly premise. The car scene where Kyle explains to Sarah that the Terminator can’t be bargained with, that he doesn’t show remorse, that he won’t stop until she is dead is chilling and believable albeit over the top but this guy is from a future so bleak it may have made him a tad eccentric. As for the second one, Sarah’s transformation into a hard ass is great and however you feel about the emo chick John Connor, his relationship with the Terminator was fun and the ending first time watching was sad. His relationship building with his estranged eccentric Kyle Reese’y mother was emotional too… but hey, we all have opinions. Mine just happens to be the right one 😉

  • omitted

    Molten chocolate on the penis? Ouch!

  • Kiel Robinson

    Yes they did, the skin from around the robots is real human skin so it ages

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Run away, if you wanna live!

  • Kiel Robinson

    I think it will turn out that skynet sent back the old Arnie now that it needs John Conor to live . There is also a hint that sarah and Kyle taught skynet to hate . Really good review . Reflected my feels about the film entirely.

  • instant relief
  • WrongWithYourFace
  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s not like it’s his day job, is it?

    …Is it?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    We do?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Or Madonna!

  • omitted

    Et oo kuullu perssilmästä?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I prefer design #1.

  • instant relief

    They should give you the option to send in your own custom design.

  • instant relief

    Why is no one posting? I’m already having signs of withdrawal.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Pronounced “Meem-rickah.”

  • I AM SKYNET. PREPARE TO DIE HUMANS. Oh and have a nice day. *launches nukes android app*.

  • instant relief

    So, Khaleesi impregnated Ahnuld?

  • omitted

    No Windows/iPhone version? Unsubscribed!

  • Coming to machines of your choice soon!

  • instant relief

    This is it, I’m resetting the phone.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Sorry, I was busy reading the 600 comments below.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I imagine the prequel to Terminator Genisys would be like the single dad montage in the beginning of Commando.

  • instant relief

    Sometimes I think you’re doing this deliberately, sometimes I think you want me to die. 🙁

  • WrongWithYourFace

    No, no. It’s like a mold you make of your penis so you can make a chocolate version of it.

    Besides, some people use candle wax, molten chocolate can’t be that bad.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Ah. It must be the cigars.

  • Ruben Plooster

    So Doctor Ultron wasn’t actually in it all that much? A shame. Still a good video, Mitch and Ray.

  • omitted

    *some people I (as in you)

  • Like Icare

    Yes. This.

  • Like Icare

    Didn’t you pay attention? It’s Gooniesys. It replaces EVERYTHING.
    Apple, Microsoft, Google, Tesla… all in one.

    They are running time-travel experiments in their basement. They are THAT kind of company.
    Antitrust laws what? Fuck that.

  • Like Icare

    Cameron knows that the human relationships (and not Jar Jar) are the core to the movie working.
    After all… He made a chick flick which made a bajilion.

    He was also married 5 times so far. He knows a thing or two about human relationships.

  • Like Icare

    Ahnold smokes.
    Termie prefers getting his buzz from sticking his fingers in the wall socket.

  • Like Icare

    No can do. Timeline has been altered.

  • instant relief

    This. Yes.

  • John Bigbootay

    Jai Courtney? He’s the guy from Die Hard 5 or 6? I’m sorry, but how is he working? He’s the least memorable, most dull looking actor working. It’s like generic man. What is with casting agents these days? Either someone should be really attractive, interesting or able to express a unique or array of emotions effectively. He can do none of these things. Yeesh. A close runner up is Sam Worthington, who was also in the last Terminator movie and is dull beyond belief.

  • Domo

    Would the Terminator franchise actually end when Arnold passes away? If not, would the producers try to replace the terminator with another actor, or would he just be a digital terminator?

    What actor could possibly fill the shoes of the terminator?

  • Palpatine

    Wish I had that app.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Get your fingers out of my wall socket!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What I was meant to say: “There’s this certain person I know that uses candle wax on their penis.”

  • Like Icare

    Not that kind of timetravel.

    They are either in a stable loop which allows rewriting of the timeline up to the point when the time machine is turned on by Skynet (which is when the second wave of changes will be initiated) OR – they are actually jumping in the parallel universes ever since Skynet sent the original Terminator back in time, and thus into another universe.
    Cause in the “no fate but what we make” timetravel story, changes can be made.

    Disappearing characters from the future is STILL rewriting the entire timeline all the way up the cone of time, ending up with the time-machine not working in the first place.
    Except we’ve already witnessed changes being made to the timeline, which were not destructive to the timetravel.

  • omitted

    *ass wallet

  • omitted

    “and I see him in the mirror every day.”

  • Like Icare

    They don’t have full body casts of their bodies from 1984.
    They do have one of Ahnold. Much easier to make a model from a 3D scan.

  • Like Icare

    It’s the other way around.

    Ahnold has all the data needed.
    John Skynet does not. He is not a Terminator programmed by Skynet.

    He is John Connor ASSIMILATED by Skynet.

  • Like Icare

    Yes.

  • The guy from Son of the Beach? I mean the guy in the middle, not the one that doubled as young Arnold in Salvation. http://www.pmpnetwork.com/sonofthebeach/beach_group.jpg

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yes. This.

  • omitted

    Both.

  • Palpatine

    It’ll be an uncanny valley looking digitally made Terminator with random clips of Arnold’s voice over played over it.

  • Palpatine

    Maybe Commando is the prequel to this movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Aw, you gotta at least give ’em Abacab. That record is as good as mainstream ’80s rock ever got. (Because,’80s sucked.)

    Also, in my opinion, Pete improved when he left Genesis. As good as Selling England By the Pound or The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway are, nothing holds a candle to the stuff on those first three solo records.

  • Junior is. Ahnuld gave birth to Genisys.

  • Like Icare

    BTW, don’t know if it was mentioned, but they did make the Wild West Terminator moopie. Back in 1979.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohrzfr3BI6U

  • Like Icare

    Low blow.

  • Looney Tunes music?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Arnold’s soundboard will be put to good use.

    But seriously, maybe in by the time Arnold leaves this plane of existence, effects houses will know how to animate mouths. Even with motion capture, every time a CGI character speaks the illusion is broken. The other thing that CGI still can’t get right is mass/weight.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I thought it was going to be a trailer for Westworld.

  • Like Icare

    It’s a homage. Surely.

  • Like Icare

    I kept thinking “Wait… Weren’t those the Nikes that Heaven’s Gate cultists all put on before drinking their special juice? Is the movie trying to tell me something? What’s wrong with Ahnold’s FAAACE? Oh… He’s old now. Right.”
    http://orig11.deviantart.net/13d4/f/2010/222/d/5/heaven__s_gate_nike_ad_by_darinheinz.jpg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He’s built. That’s all that seems to matter.

    It’s ahl that mahtahd when Ahnud stahted, too.

    This isn’t exactly a new thing. The only reason it seems like it, is due to the fact that there are too many fantasy / sci-fi / sooperhero moopies being made, which require that dumb-jock type. You don’t need to act for any of these things. You just have to be able to do a few of your own stunts.

    Chris Evans isn’t a thespian, either.

  • Sully

    They could build them from the original film. Not impossible, or they could’ve found more convincing doubles, cause the assholes they picked for the film weren’t even close.

  • Sully

    Exactly. Skynet is so short sighted.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s right, Jeff.

  • Sully

    All I can say is, he’s got an incredible Agent cause he’s working pretty steady, and in huge films, yet no one seems to be impressed by anything he’s ever done.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Of course, they used a clip from it, after all.
    Glad they made fun of that thing, but it’s still the best live-action Batman costume ever used.

  • At least Ahnuld has charisma.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I think they are being ironic since they are talking about a terrible movie in this case.

    Let me check…

    Yep. That’s it. Besides, they NEVER pay any attention to us unless Andrew is misbehaving and somebody’s snitched squirted catsup on him.

  • An actual comic book, I think, he means, not that fan made short.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That was last video.

  • tOmy`

    Use a time machine to send a time machine back in time for people that didn’t have time machine back then. They can use the time machine to send the creator of Skynet back to a time when there were no apps. Preferably medieval Russia.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • In all fairness, Dark Horse Comics ideas all sound like wet dreams of stupid pre-adolescent fanboys.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Only if they disagree with themselves…

    “That’s right, Jay.”

    “No, that’s not right, Jay!”

    “Wait. What?”

    “So, Jay, would you recommend ANT-MAN: RISE OF ANOTHER AVENGER NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT?”

    “Yes.”

    “No.”

    “Yes, I would.”

    “No, you fucking idiot. You wouldn’t, because I don’t.”

    [Beer bottle(s) thrown, does not / does shatter, simultaneously.]

    END SCENE

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Spoilers still apply to stupid sh!t.

  • omitted

    Machinist!

  • tOmy`

    Well, the good news (for them) is that Arnold is just a “skin” of Terminator. So basically they can just shove the robot into the movie, use Arnold’s lines / digitally manipulate robot’s voice, say that his skin has been damaged but it is still the good old Arnie, shoot 8 more movies, profit.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    15 minutes, tops, or those monkeys are spending too much time flinging poo.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s what got me in to JURASSIC WORLD. Trust me, you’re better off if you resist.

  • omitted

    Practice in the gallery with raptor buddies for you!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “If you are a Terminator fan, you’ll love this movie.” – James Cameron, from the set of AVATARDED 2: YOU SUCKERS.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Mediocre Scott!

  • tOmy`

    A counter-app a day, keeps the Skynet away.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    People were kind to AGE OF ULTRON based on Marvel zombie-ism.

    #AnActualThing

  • tOmy`

    Two things that really baffle me about this movie:

    1) So after all the jokes, references, discussions and arguments about time-travel in Terminator, they actually start making it even more convoluted and downright stupid?
    2) Hey, guys, do you know that British actor who looks like a teenage girl, keeps making cute faces in interviews and plays possibly the most majestic and reserved person in GoT? Let’s put her into American action flick!

  • darwinstripods

    Spoilers? After watching the trailer, are there any?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    My bad. Do you still love me?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The Predator / Batman thing was surprisingly unlawful. All three (?) of them.

  • She’s a hot new name now. That’s why.

  • omitted

    “the most majestic and reserved person in GoT”

    Buahahhahahahahhahahahahahhaaaa!

    https://youtu.be/CT646cr9erY

  • tOmy`

    I understand that. I was actually surprised when I saw her interview – she is the total opposite of her character in GoT. She doesn’t even have dragons!

    No, but seriously, this looks like a fucking miscast.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s an opinion I don’t share. But, even if we credit him with some chahm, he didn’t have that much of it when he stahted out.

  • What about the new Kyle Reese then?

  • omitted

    *fuck-up at the casting couch

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He can bench 300.

  • omitted

    Starlord and Katniss in the same scifi moopie?! I just might implode!
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1355644/

  • tOmy`

    I think we need Nolan to take care of these.

    “This summer! WHAAAAAAAAAM! Forget what you saw! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! Because Gotham…. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! … got a new hunter! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! And his favorite prey… WHAAAAAAAAAAAAM! … are bats.”

    “[predator noise]”
    “Do you even bleed? Because if you do, I can kill you.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hollywood, go fyuck yourself.

  • omitted

    *felch

  • Part time.

  • omitted

    Hey, at least it’s not a superhero comic book movie, right?

  • Bubs

    They should’ve cast Samuel L. Jackson as Sara Conner. At least that would’ve brought in the “Urban Market”.

  • Tabajaras

    Jesus.

  • Laura

    Damn Jay just gets hotter in every episode!!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    CGI.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Might as well be.

    I suppose I should be grateful it’s not Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence again, but I’m not grateful. I’d rather I not see her or Prabs working for a year or two.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    smoking ages you?…

  • omitted
  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Michael B. Jordan.
    #TooSoon?

  • omitted

    You know, no one is forcing you to watch…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    True. But I won’t be able to avoid the hype unless I become blind or deaf. Is that what you are wishing on me?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    that number still needs more 69’s.
    like 1800-69JAY69 #POUNDSIGN!

  • omitted

    Hush now, it’s my ruse to find and eliminate the competition!

  • Andrew Thompson.
  • Blaugha mlaugla aughm mjaghu gavuenator

    #amirite

  • AHAHHAAHAHAAAAa

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    glarff, glarff, glarff

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I loved those!

  • Tabajaras

    I found out recently, just around the time I was thinking about reading the books. There’s also a scene where she gets lost, ends up eating some poison berries and has day-long diarrhea. “Brown water” is mentioned. I decided not to read the books.

    I’m still hot for TV Danerys, ain’t no brown water gonna change that.

  • Like Icare

    It’s not a “closed” system. You CAN change the past in the Terminator universe.
    Like send people or robots back into time.

    What you can’t change is HISTORY. Like averting the Judgement Day.
    Big events will happen because there is a resistance in the timeline – not impermeability.

    Ever read Connie Willis’ “To Say Nothing Of The Dog”?
    Basically, in it (and other related books) humans have discovered time travel – but it is basically useless cause you can’t change the past.
    Or more precisely you can, but then things start happening that force you to undo changes you made OR the end results end up the same as before.
    So the only people who end up using it are historians.

    TSNOTD is particularly interesting (besides being loaded with humor and references to Jerome K. Jerome) cause while the whole issue takes place, there is a scene where one researcher runs simulations on the battle of Waterloo and what would happen if something got altered.

    Ah… Here it is.

    “Slippage” is basically the artifact of their time-travel’s change on the timeline – the more change the traveler will make the further off the intended target he lands, in time, space or both.

    I.e. Time traveler slips while landing in another time-space and ends up somewhere/somewhen else.

    “He started to lead me over to the comp setup and then stopped and went over to the console and asked Warder, “Was there slippage on Ned’s drop?”
    “I haven’t had time to calculate it,” Warder said. “I’ve been trying to get Carruthers out!”
    “Okay, okay,” T.J. said, holding up his hands defensively. “Could you please calculate it?”
    He turned to me. “Ned, I want to show you-”
    “What’s this about slippage on my drop?” I said. “There isn’t any slippage on return drops.”
    “There was on Verity’s last drop,” he said.
    “What’s causing it?”
    “We don’t know yet,” he said. “We’re working on it. Come here. Let me show you what we’re doing.” He led me over to the comp setup. “Did Verity tell you about the Waterloo sims?”
    “More or less,” I said.
    “Okay, it’s very hard to make an accurate comp model of an historical event because so many factors are unknown, but Waterloo’s an exception. The battle’s been analyzed and every incident’s been described down to a microscopic level. Also,” he said, his black fingers typing rapidly, “it has several crisis points and a number of factors which could have made the battle go either way: the violent rainstorms on the sixteenth and seventeenth, General Grouchy’s failure to come up-”
    “Napoleon’s bad penmanship,” I said.
    “Exactly. Napoleon’s message to D’Erlon and the failure to take Hougoumont, among others.”
    He hit more keys, leaning round to see the bank of stack screens behind him.
    “All right, here’s what we’ve been looking at,” he said, picking up a lightpen and walking over to the center screen. “This is a sim of Waterloo as it actually happened.”
    The screen showed a three-dimensional gray blur with lighter and darker areas. “This is the battle,” he said, switching on the pen and pointing it into the center of the three-dimensional blur. “And here,” he pointed at the edges, are the surrounding temporal and locational areas the battle affected.”
    The light darted back to the center and rapidly pointed to several places. “Here you can see the battle at Quatre Bras, the fight for Wavre, the charge of the Old Guard, the retreat.”
    I couldn’t see anything but assorted gray blurs. I felt the way I always do when a doctor shows me a scan. “Here you see the lungs, the heart-” I never see anything of the sort.
    “What I’ve done is introduce simulated incongruities into the model and see how the sim changes,” he said.

    He moved to the screen on the left. As near as I could tell, it looked identical to the one in the center. “In this one, for example, Napoleon sent an illegible order to D’Erlon to turn toward Ligny, with the result that he brought his men up behind Napoleon’s left flank instead of ahead of it and was mistaken for the enemy. I introduced a simulated historian here,” he said, pointing at gray, “who substituted a legible order for Napoleon’s note, and as you can see, it changed the picture radically.”
    I would have to take his word for it.
    “When the incongruity’s introduced, you get a pattern of radically increased slippage at the site,” he pointed with the lightpen, “and then slightly lower levels here and here surrounding the site, and then smaller peripheral patches as the system corrects itself.”
    I squinted at the screen, trying to look intelligent.
    “In this case, the system was able to self-correct almost immediately. D’Erlon issued the orders to his second-in-command, who gave them to a lieutenant, who couldn’t hear him for the artillery fire, and sent the troops up on the left flank after all, and the situation reverted to its original pattern.”

    He pointed the lightpen at the top row of screens. “I tried a number of variables of varying severity. In this one, the historian breaks the lock on the gate at Hougoumont. In this one, he spoils an infantryman’s shot so Letort isn’t killed. In this one here, the historian intercepts a message between Blücher and Wellington,” he said, pointing at one screen after another. “They vary greatly in their impact on the situation and in how long it takes the continuum to self-correct.”
    He pointed at more screens. “This one took a few minutes, this one took two days, and there doesn’t seem to be a direct correlation between the seriousness of the incongruity and its consequences. In this one,” he pointed at the far left bottom screen, “we shot Uxbridge to prevent his suicidal charge, and his second-in-command immediately took up the charge with the same result.
    “On the other hand, in this one,” he indicated a screen in the second row, we had an historian dressed as a Prussian soldier stumble and fall during the fight for Ligny, and the self-correction was enormous, involving four regiments and Blücher himself.”
    He moved to a screen in the center. “In this one, we changed the circumstances at La Sainte Haye. The thatched roofs caught fire from the artillery shells, and a chain of men with soup kettles full of water managed to put the fires out.”
    He pointed at a spot near the center. “I introduced an historian here to steal one of the soup kettles. It created a major incongruity, and the interesting thing is that the self-correction didn’t just involve increased slippage here and here,” the light pointed at the top of the screen, “but here, before 1814.”
    “It went back in the past and corrected itself?”
    “Yes,” he said. “In the winter of 1812, there was a bad snowstorm, which caused a deep rut in the road in front of La Sainte Haye, which caused an oxcart passing over it to lose part of its load, including a small wooden keg full of beer, which a servant found and carried home to La Sainte Haye. The keg, with the top hacked off, was substituted for the missing soup kettle in the bucket brigade, the fires were put out, and the incongruity was repaired.”
    He went back to the comp, hit more keys, and brought up a new set of screens. “This one, where Gneisenau retreats to Liege, and this one, in which the historian helps push a cannon out of the mud, show self-corrections in the past, too.”

    “That’s why you had Verity do drops in May?” I said. “Because you think the incongruity may have attempted to adjust itself before it happened?”
    “But we haven’t found any slippage anywhere except for your drop,” he said, sounding frustrated. “Every one of these,” he waved at the screen, no matter how large or how small the self-correction, has the same basic pattern: radically increased slippage at the site, moderately increased slippage in the immediate area, and then isolated pockets of slippage farther from the site.”
    “Which doesn’t match our incongruity at all,” I said, staring at the screen.
    “No,” T.J. said, “it doesn’t. The slippage on Verity’s drop was nine minutes, and I haven’t been able to find any radical increase in slippage anywhere near the site. The only slippage at all is the cluster in 2018, and it’s much greater than it should be, that far from the site.”
    He went to the comp, typed something in, and came back to the left-hand screen, which had changed slightly. “The only one that’s been close is this one,” he said. “We had the historian fire an artillery shell that killed Wellington.”
    He felt in his pockets for the lightpen, couldn’t find it, and settled for his finger. “See this? Here and here, you have radically increased slippage, but it can’t contain the altering events and discrepancies which develop here and here and here,” he said, pointing at three spots close to the focus, “and the amount of slippage drops off sharply here, and you can see here,” he pointed farther out, “the backups start to fail, and the net begins to malfunction as history starts to alter course.”
    “And Napoleon wins the battle of Waterloo.”
    “Yes,” he said. “You can see the parallels to your incongruity here,” he pointed at darker gray, “where there’s a pocket of increased slippage nearly seventy years from the site, and here,” he pointed at a spot of lighter gray, “in the lack of slippage at a short distance from the site.”
    “But there’s still radically increased slippage at the site,” I said.
    “Yes,” he said grimly. “In every single incongruity we’ve tried. Except yours.”
    “But at least you’ve been able to prove that incongruities are possible,” I said. “That’s something, isn’t it?”
    “What?” he said blankly. “These are all just mathematical sims.”
    “I know, but you’ve shown what would happen if-”
    He was shaking his head violently. “What would happen if we really tried to send an historian to Waterloo to intercept a message or shoot a horse or give directions is that the net wouldn’t open. Historians have been trying for over forty years. No one can get within two years and a hundred miles of Waterloo.” He waved angrily at the banks of screens. “These sims are all based on a net without any safeguards.”
    So we were right back where we started.”

  • omitted

    Drunk again, Uncle Mike you big toad?

  • It’s the middle of the week and it’s 16:30 PM, it’s… too soon

  • AHHAHAHAAAAAAAA

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Sarah Richardson was here again. you just missed her.

  • I’m sick of sleazy cheap spambots… did she mention me?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yeah sure… why not.

  • Palpatine

    The plot makes it sound like it’s gonna be a porno. Which is fine by me.

  • I’ll take it.

    #ooohh

  • What’s in the cooch vagoogoo squishbox?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wait it isnt? *zips up pants.

  • omitted

    Only by appearance.

  • tOmy`

    And you start to see things you recognize…

  • Palpatine

    Just be careful not to crash your heyblibber again.

  • omitted

    Everything is porno. It’s all about how you look at things.

  • It’s like poetry…

  • Racist.

  • Like Icare

    No… Look… Only reason Ahnold is AT ALL convincing is cause they had a full body cast of him.
    They’ve previously used it for his scenes in T4. And it sucked.
    http://cdn.avsforum.com/8/8c/8cd6f4a5_vbattach163115.jpeg

    Note the difference.
    Updated model:
    http://www.theterminatorfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Arnold-3D-1984-640×270.jpg
    Original, flesh and blood Ahnold:
    http://images4.static-bluray.com/reviews/6975_3.jpg

    Had they had original casts of those two characters, the best case scenario would have them looking like the T4 model.
    They didn’t. So even that level of realism in modeling is pure scifi.

    Uncanny valley is a cunt.

  • omitted

    Okay, time to go see Magic Mike XXL… alone. :´(
    Well at least now I can masturbate more freely in the theater…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Gotta say the video game tie in for this movie is weird:

    http://store.steampowered.com/app/58550/

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I can top that one, though…

    http://tinyurl.com/qcag9f9

  • Terminator: Penises

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Heyblibber? I haven’t even flibbergibbited yet.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Just don’t sit next to Pee Wee.
    Because, Awkward.

  • Palpatine

    Mesa caused maybe one or duey little bitty accidentes, you’d say boom de gasser, un crashed de bosses heyblibber, den banished.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    did you chicken out on asking him? or do you need a hug?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Get me a mic and I’ll get to it.

  • omitted

    Check my rant back at the latest BotW thread.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What would Pa Kent say?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    v He needs a hug.

  • RLMkeepitup

    then we could have the line you’re terminated MOTHER-fucker.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wow your the gay finnish me! welcome to my life.

  • Palpatine

    Who wants to bet our good friends from Batman News will return for the Ant Man HitB?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i hope so. i miss those GUYS.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Commando is like every dads dream of what he’d do if his daughter was taken by goons for ransom.

  • Ant Man is Marvel right? It’ll happen only if HitB like it AND whine that DC is boring.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Automatic.

  • Palpatine

    I’m not sure if they’ll like it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Damn. I was so ready to laugh at Pa Kent being sucked into the tornado like in Desperate Housewives. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhpQSVMtmck

  • Thanatos2k

    “You CAN change the past in the Terminator universe. Like send people or robots back into time.”

    Ah but that’s the magic of the closed time travel system. You didn’t change anything – robots were ALWAYS sent back into time. There was no “original” past where there were no robots sent back in time.

  • Thanatos2k

    He lied. Mike also lied about this.

  • Thanatos2k

    But Skynet INVENTED the time machine. It would have all the data. And it would include that data on an agent it was sending back in time that wanted to build a time machine!

  • Like Icare

    Yes. It’s that kinda a moopie.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3bSc1_wSOI

  • Palpatine

    Oh yeah, you weren’t here that little incident. But if they do come again, you’re gonna love ’em.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • WrongWithYourFace

    I only read the one shown on the link. Can’t remember much of it. Got it from a library a looong time ago. And lost it.

  • tOmy`

    That looks both bad and good.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    >insert pic of chain smoking Hollywood actress who looks like crap<

  • Like Icare
  • Mr_Wint

    Quick-time anal pleasure events.

  • Like Icare

    …from the writer of Prometheus.
    And the director of The Imitation Game…
    Comes the movie you already saw in 2009 when it was called Pandorum and when the premise had more to it than “Fuck it, I’m not jerking off during this whole ride, let’s find me a sexy bitch to thaw out.”

  • Mr_Wint

    Paul Reuben’s?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Omieee! My homieee! If I grow a beard, will you love meee?

  • Like Icare

    Skynet didn’t send Connor back.
    Connor went back by himself – cause he likes being (practically) immortal.

    Skynet just gave him a taste of posthumanity and left him to decide what next.

    Which is a fine premise… if the Skynet was Satan, tempting humans and whatnot.
    Instead of an AI convinced that humans are out to kill it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Are we still talking about the Terminator movie? We’ve spent more time on it than the writers did.” – Mike Stoklasa.

  • Like Icare

    No they weren’t.

    Same way water wasn’t always on fire or gravity wasn’t always purple – there is always a “all laws of the universe still apply” null-version of events where people build computer, it bombs people, people rise up and defeat computer, computer invents timetravel…
    THEN the robots start going back to the past.

    Now… if the story was about magic and demons in a magic and demons world… then the “demons were always sent back into time” thing works. How? Fuck it. Wizard did it.
    But this is SciFi. Some rules must exist.

    And the underlying one is that before you put the cat into a box, you first need to have a box, a cat and all other things at your disposal.

    The null-version of events.

  • Like Icare

    Oh. Right. That other Terminator review.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Today an Australian senator threatened to Shirtfront, then Squirrel Grip, then Hopoate the Prime Minister.
    Be glad you dont speak Australian.

  • Brack to the Future

    I may be a seppo but I can play knifey-spoony with the best of them.

  • I didn’t understand any word. Are the things the senator said sexual?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    two of them.

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh I don’t understand the complaining. They said “fuck you, asshole,” “you’re terminated, fucker” and “hasta la vista.” What more could my theatre-going self desire?!

  • Brack to the Future

    The very first Ant Men fought 3,500 years ago under Achilles. They were the Myrmidon.

    ~ The more you know

  • Caustic Vapors

    As long as you stick it flesh— wait, how was the liquid metal terminator exempt from that?

  • Toffoli_73

    GoT actors are the flavor of the day. Dinklage in X-Men, Christie in Star Wars, Clarke in Terminator.

  • And their enemies fought using ant spray? http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61mQ0v-ZyHL._SL1490_.jpg

  • Like Icare

    Nobody even questions anymore why we go and watch The NEW Marvel MoopieTM.

    It’s kinda like with the Nazis… nobody even stopping to think “Hey, should we really be gassing all these Jews?
    http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1399/74/1399743144999.jpg

  • Brack to the Future

    Do you think that Tongan kicks back with a good cognac in an easy chair and reminiscently sniffs his finger?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yes, yes i do.

  • Toffoli_73

    Is a squirrel grip when your girlfriend catches you cheating and squeezes your nuts real tight?

  • And you’re angry they redubbed Mad Max?

  • Toffoli_73

    Than you’ll only get kicked once with a regular shoe.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    anyone can do it. your being to specific.

  • Well, I remember Dinklage from some other films and even from an episode of 30 Rock. I’d say he’s a legit actor anyway.

  • Brack to the Future

    No, it was Trojans with a spermicidal tip.

  • Like Icare

    Poor Ray Wilson. He’s Terminator 3 of Genesis.

  • Toffoli_73

    Lucas was just reminding us that racism is real and can’t ever be ignored or forgotten. Just like Jar Jar.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *Anyone– You’re– too

  • Like Icare

    Oh, come on. Don’t you remember him playing the Joker/Twoface?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4msZGBzS0AM

  • Toffoli_73

    Disney’s Terminator: Dalmatian

  • Hahahaha

  • tOmy`

    Pandorum is a cool little movie. I enjoyed it very much.

  • Caustic Vapors

    Agree. To some degree, I enjoyed the first third or so of the movie- but I had already braced myself with the attitude that it was an “Alternate Universe”. Little did I know that was going to be the crux of the explanation of Magic Skynet Terminator, aka, Doctor Who! At the end of the movie, I was like, why are they visiting this kid Reese & why am I not finding out who sent “Pops”! So, afterwards, on the net, I read the bullshit Multiverse explanation & find I missed some lame midcreadits scene! Fuck that!

  • Like Icare

    Tasha raped Data there.
    She’s the one that went “Come here Data, let’s see how fully functional you really are.”

    http://static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120903204440/memoryalpha/en/images/1/15/Tasha_Yar,_polywater_intoxication.jpg

  • Booger

    That explains it. I was slightly less disgusted by Mike than usual and I couldn’t figure it out why. Guess my brain noticed but I didn’t.

  • Caustic Vapors

    LOL!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Everything Mike says that’s not related to Terminator Genisys is more entertaining than the discussion about the movie. This is why they should do a podcast.

    “I’d buy that for a dollar!”

  • That show has more pecks than IQ

  • Brack to the Future

    Everything Mike says should be placed on a plaque and attached to a monument like the Georgia Guidestones. For all eternity to see!

  • *Planes starring Wesley Snipes

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Amen, brother.

  • I would not want to get… piunished

    *wide grin*

  • Brack to the Future

    By the way, the producers of this “film” owe me one pair of Glass. I was wearing mine during the showing, it became sentient for an instant and promptly killed itself. Now all I have is an ugly, cotton-white pair of douchebag identifiers.

  • Like Icare

    It cost about $155 mil.
    So far it made about $127 mil worldwide ($42 mil domestic). It will probably make more.

    The one before it cost $200 mil and it made $371 mil worldwide, $125 mil domestic.

    There’s still blood in that horse to be squeezed out with. It just needs more beating.

  • tOmy`

    Did somebody smear computer stuff on Jay’s face to make him look even hotter?

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • bruce wayne

    Okay, so here’s what happened with the whole Genisys is Skynets OS. A bunch of friends of the writer and he were sitting around drinking. And everyone got the latest IPhone OS 8.whatthefuck upgrade message. Then they all started bitching about how these OS upgrades are taking up all their time and memory. And the Terminator happened to be on in the background. And some douche weezel turned to the writer of this crap and said. “Hey! you should write a treatment for a new Terminator for the iPhone age, and try and be clever by saying the OS for iPhones and other tech is Skynets firat avenue of attack. Oh and let’s make sure we have lots of known sci fic actors in it, and pull a JJ and reset the time line; to distract from what a horrible fucking idea this is. See that’s what I think went down.

  • Yes to the Old West Terminator. There should be a digital Pat Buttram in it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Not sure if a digital buttram is of much use.

  • Brack to the Future

    John Marston and Yojimbo team up with an undead Akira Kurosawa to fight James Cameron, James Horner and George Lucas. Like that shitty TOS episode where Abe Lincoln fucks up Captain Kirk’s fire team.

    Now that’s a movie.

  • Like Icare

    Apparently it goes much further than that.
    @thereturnofthecorpse:disqus – why didn’t you share this info with @omitted:disqus ? This is all very homoerotic. Even more than the European sportsball.

    http://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/jul/07/the-hopoate-tackle-what-exactly-is-glenn-lazarus-threatening-to-do-to-tony-abbott

  • Like Icare

    Could have used more of Antje Traue and less of the nondescript guy.

  • Brack to the Future

    One of them googled “Furlong” and came up with 1/8 of a mile. And that’s how far from the studio lot the restraining order for Eddie stretches.

  • Like Icare

    Terminator: See Phillis Run.

  • Arthur Wesley

    Nothing is inconceivable .

  • Like Icare

    Sounds more like a marriage proposal.

    #andthatswhyImstillsingle

  • Cakefarts

    First – again!
    This time masheen stuff is awesome. I’m off to kill my Dad now. Later losers!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    (snicker) He said butt ram.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The vaseline stings my eye!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Except for that one thing, he said, that one time, about the stupid dinosaur movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s two “fucks,” right there. Have they upped the number of “fucks” that can be said in a PG movie?

    That’ll be a boon for business, right there, you betcha!

  • Grandpa Seth

    Yeah, you know all about beating something until blood comes out don’t you, Icare?

  • Like Icare

    Naah… He ain’t Nostalgia Critic.
    He does legitimate critique.
    Not just snarking at “oh, look, how stooopid theys weres back then tihihi”.

    And the first Matrix is a legitimately good moopie.
    Trouble started when Jablonskies decided were given free hands lotsa cash to make an entire universe and they went “we’re gonna make it a multimedia universe thing” – while barely having enough story for a single moopie.
    But hey… https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=UJOjTNuuEVw#t=98

    And then they took what little they had and spread it across a bunch of projects, from animation, to comics, to video games, to MMORPGs… filling the empty spaces in between with filler fights and car chases.
    They fuckin had people like Neil Gaiman and Shinichiro Watanabe writing and directing stories for them – and they squandered it.

    That’s beyond hackfraudery.

    That’s the mark of either incompetence or mental issues.
    And they keep making moopies so… they’re clearly not completely incompetent.

  • Brack to the Future

    Dude. Mike. I love ya babe, but you’ve gotta lose that pudge. For the love of God, we’ve lost our Eberts, our Siskels, how many more before we just say “enough?”

    Jay, you look and perform great as usual. Keep up the good work.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    I can get behind this!

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    That’s been on my mind for a while. I remember them walking away from some projects because…integrity? And Lana is pretty awesome, I just don’t know why this would happen. They made Bound and it was rad. Some nefarious shit’s goin on!

  • Like Icare

    Think of him as Locutus of Skynet.

    Except that he’s not in it for any collective or Skynet – he just wants his new nanobot body to live forever.
    Singularity and all that.

    Now… had they any brainz in the writing department that’s what they would have called it and that’s what they would have made the point of conflict.
    Eternal life for all humans with Skynet or… well… the usual.

    But this is not that kind of a moopie. This is fanfiction.

  • Angelo

    Dude that’s not a Terminator game, that’s a Game of Th…
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooh
    Now I get it.

  • Like Icare

    Alan Taylor, I hope James Cameron knees you in the groin.

    I have dived to the bottom of the trench.

    Well, whadayakno – James Cameron is here.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    We gots to believe! Maybe we won’t see his Plinkettness, but our descendants will surely witness the reboot of Plinkett! It’s gonna be great. Although the remake of Maniac captured his essence pretty well!

  • Then a Hellbeast Ate Them

    This seems promising.

  • Angelo

    Are you serious? You’re saying that Terminator 1 and 2 are good movies? Wow. That’s the most baffling thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. Be careful about revealing your weird opinions, they might get you hurt.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Except, the writer is a woman, so all that stuff you said but a little more rapey.

  • Like Icare

    I’m not sayin that I do, but I do live real close to the local ER.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3_bwB5hldrs#t=1536

  • Som

    Nope

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Don’t be a bummer. Release your inner child.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Now my knowledge of rugby is entirely limited to those six gifs.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Gawd, would someone — anyone — please shut up Scott Mendelson and all the professional writers like him who exclaim as if they’re talking Biblical Truths about sh!t they have no clearer idea of than the rest of us?

    http://tinyurl.com/pb2fk7h

    Jeebus. That gobbledygook is tolerable from an arsehole like me, posting my know-nothings on the webzone, but, Dude, if you know so fyucking much, why aren’t you King of the World?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Can’t. I strangled him after he talked me into going to see JURASSIC WORLD.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Aussies got so many cute ways of saying “hand job.” It’s like they’re obsessed with scrotum or something.

  • instant relief

    Servus, Grützi und Hallo!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You might not have known this, but the Nic Cage Superman movie is currently getting re-consensus-ed, since there is a Jodorowsky’s Dune-style documentary coming out about it.
    We won’t be able to say “amazingly bad” anymore. (We’ll have to go back to “retarded.”)

  • bruce wayne

    Ahh well, that explains a lot. Why Sarah couldn’t be a waitress anymore. How she’s a real Mamerican hero, who saves Kyle. It’s all falling into place, it’s Fifty Shades of Genisys, fan fic.

  • Brack to the Future

    Gruppa Krovi A+, High Five!

  • bruce wayne

    Lol, math geek puns, I love it.

  • instant relief

    Was?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ¿Donde esta la biblioteca?

  • instant relief

    Mir don’t speaken anglaise, kannst you please helpen?

  • [redacted], you mean.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Busted.

  • Before or after he made you?

  • Jean-François Martel

    i don’t believe it is. From what i heard it was to be connected to Genysis.
    I think the owners of the franchise have decided to ignore The Sarah Connor Chronicles completely since Salvation.

  • Jean-François Martel

    produced by Syfy
    Sharkminator

  • Palpatine

    Why is a writer for Forbes reviewing a movie in the first place?

  • Brack to the Future

    Hey did you guys hear about Jared with Subway? They say he hid the salami and only a buncha children know where to find it.

    Ew.

  • Brack to the Future

    Casha casha

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes.

    We need more information about pop culture from the economic perspective.

  • Brack to the Future

    Myself, I’ve been a professional writer for 22 years, and basically, sometimes I just get off on it.

  • Jean-François Martel

    sexy

  • Palpatine

    It’s like asking Nute Gunray what he thought of the Prequels.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is it him? I thought the FBI was investigating an associate of his.

  • Palpatine

    I thought that was Bill Cosby?

  • Jean-François Martel

    so someone did choose the single giant tit

  • Jean-François Martel

    what? good lord. Won’t somebody please stop thinking of the children!?

  • Palpatine

    Am I the only one who wants see Mike and Jay review something other than a blockbuster?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hmmm. Where have I heard that before?

    FBI: “Mr. Fogle, can you explain why you have these materials stored in your home?”

    Subway Jared: “Hey, I’ve been a professional spokesperson for 22 years, and basically, sometimes I just get off on it.”

    END SCENE

    #MyHumorIsOnlyAbout44%Golden

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nope. But I get the feeling Mike rarely sees anything else.

  • Jean-François Martel

    i wanna see them in an Indy rom com, Rich would be the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Jay would end up dying of an overdose and Mike gets to live an existential crisis

    Wait! i just saw the word REVIEW… i thought you wanted to see them in a movie

  • The Ghost

    I think it’s just a symptom of summer. I’m sure they’ll broaden the sampling frame once oscar season is upon us.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m just rewatching some old HitB episodes… and the whole thing of Mike going “It’s just like in Star Trek… (not necessaritly TNG)” is not a recent thing. It happens more often now, but it’s always been there.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They reviewed Boyhood.

  • tOmy`

    I think they are really busy buying couches right now, so I assume that the episodes of HitB sorta have to feature the blockbuster movies, as they are the most anticipated / sought out reviews.

  • tOmy`

    Did you know it took 12 kids to change a light bulb?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    this better not be related to that Subway news…

  • tOmy`

    I can’t find any info about it. Can someone link me? I saw that guy live (twice), I wanna make even more fun of him.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    something about the FBI raiding his place looking for nude kiddie pictures. 🙁

  • Palpatine

    Jay seems more interested in indie films.

  • The Ghost

    Daenerys Targaryen. And I start to see things I recognize.

  • Palpatine

    What?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It took 12 kids to change!

    EDIT: Shit. Lrn 2 read dummy faeces.

  • Palpatine

    Tru dat.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s called hindsight.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    http://i.imgur.com/VrkWsLi.png

    Holy shit did Mike just responded to a youtube comment? Mike “the guy that made like 6 disqus posts in 6 years” Stoklasa.

  • Palpatine

    Of course it’s a comment about Star Trek.

  • Brack to the Future

    Ha ha. A trained writer keeps his images in his head.

    For instance, your 18-year-old mom, flinging my florg.

  • Brack to the Future

    It’s spelled “wat.”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Where was this?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    /InsertGifOfFakePlinkettYellingWhatFromThePrometheusHitB

  • Brack to the Future

    I have now watched all of this HITB episode and I have this to say:

    Part time.

  • Scott B. Smith

    Props to Mike for mentioning the Phalanx, a pretty obscure X-Men adversary. Kudos to you, sir.

  • Palpatine

    Goddamn FBI don’t respect nothin’!

  • Palpatine

    I’m pretty sure Rich Evans wrote that line.

  • Palpatine

    It’s gonna be his “thing” from now on.

  • tOmy`

    Maybe we should start making Star Trek comments here for him to appear!

    Hey, guys, do you remember that episode when the bald guy told his crewmen to warp? Man, what a fucking atrocio-

    Oh, I mean what a great episode!

  • tOmy`

    I am pretty sure RIch writes everything for them. What other purpose can he possibly serve?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Verbal punching bag.

  • Brack to the Future

    Giggle and spooge?

  • tOmy`
  • Palpatine

    As someone who watches a lot of TV shows, I thought you’d know more about Star Track.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Mom always liked the well-flung florg.

  • tOmy`

    I saw the original one. I was always intrigued about the TNG, but I never got into it. I did see all the movies tho!

    #NerdCredSemiRestored

  • Palpatine

    Rich is the key to all this.

  • Scott B. Smith

    Now that I think about it, yeah, that makes sense. I guess Mike could’ve vetoed it?

    Anyway, I enjoyed the reference no matter the source. 🙂

  • tOmy`

    If we can make Rich sweep broken bottles… because he is a funnier character than we ever had…

  • Palpatine

    Fuck you Rick Berman!

  • Brack to the Future

    I would like them to go on a road trip to Minnesota. Like Ely or something remote, find a Redbox and then review everything within.

    Wait did you mean blockbuster or Blockbuster?

  • Scott B. Smith

    What, like Beetlejuice? Mention “Next Gen” three posts in a row and he appears? 🙂

  • Palpatine

    Rich and Jack pretty much rule RLM now.

  • instant relief

    Hey, do you remember that episode when there where on that planet? Oh, man, that was the best! So unique!

  • Brack to the Future

    Jack needs to go back to his Macintosh edit bay and stay there.

  • tOmy`

    Or! Or! Or!

    I… on that ship! Do you remember that ship? That was one hell of a ship. Wzuuuuuuuum.

  • Scott B. Smith

    I like to think of it as one big collaboration. I suspect Mike and Jay are working a lot on other things we haven’t seen yet, like maybe “Space Cop.” That’s just a hunch.

  • Palpatine

    Next Gen, Next Gen, Next Gen. Does anyone else smell beer all the sudden?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hey, remember that one episode, with the kobayashi Rubik’s cube? Those little things were so furry.

  • tOmy`

    Space Cop has been cancelled due to the budgetary reasons after the gang visited IKEA and bought a new couch.

    It was filthy cheap production.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That ship was great.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I WON’T allow it!
    #TeamJack

  • Brack to the Future

    It wasn’t Ikea, it was a fancy gourmet couch store.

  • Scott B. Smith

    I dunno. The “Fists of Steel” episode of “Best of the Worst” made it sound like they had all the tubing bought already. What more do you need?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Like poetry.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Now where’s that gif Taco made once…

  • Brack to the Future

    I feel like Steve Austin, I’m losing this thread, she’s breaking she’s breaking!

  • Scott B. Smith

    I do, but I might be hallucinating… again.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I did immediately recognize that those puppies weren’t hers in the poster.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    We can re-build her. We can make her better than she was.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hey, do you remember, that one time, at band camp…?

  • Scott B. Smith

    With all the time-lines flying about in “Terminator, the Book of Genisys,” it sounds more like the parallel universe TNG episode (aptly named “Parallels,” I think) rather than a time-travel movie.

  • Brack to the Future

    mmmmmm Jaime Sommers Thread

    They don’t make them like her nymore

  • Scott B. Smith

    Remember when Terminator movies were about killer robots and not time travel machines?

  • Brack to the Future

    Remember when they were about Michael Biehn, pointy titties and killer cyborgs with pimples, sweat and bad breath?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Remember when they were good?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    TERMINATOR: GENISYS – “James Cameron saw some things he recognized.”

  • Brack to the Future

    I really do.

    In the beginning, there was no cable service and we were all too young to get into theatres. The rent for a vcr was more than three weeks’ pay. So we pooled our lawn money, and it was good.

  • Now, that’s an accolade if I’ve ever seen one.

  • Scott B. Smith

    Yes. All those things are great.

  • Brack to the Future

    Does he look like he got the AIDS? Because if he got AIDS that would be ironic. not really ironic, but Alanis Morissette ironic all the same.

  • I’m not sexist or anything… but six million dollars is a lot for a booty call.

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    do they really send a dog back in time

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Comic book writer Frank Miller resembles that remark.

    http://tinyurl.com/pa83qcd

  • OH MY GOOOOOD! WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIS FAAAAAACEE?

  • Brack to the Future

    Oh man, I hope he pulls through. I love the Dark Knight series.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    She wasn’t six million. She was just The Bionic Woman.
    Back then, they’d only spend about 35 cents on every bionic woman part, per every $1 for a man’s.

  • Brack to the Future

    Why not? Dogs have rights in 2017, man. Get with the program. Seriously

  • Brack to the Future

    Yeah but she’s hot. And she has a voice like lacquered ice cream. hubba hubba

  • Scott B. Smith

    Any time on that planet is better than any other time on that deep space station. I did not care for “Deep Space Nine.”

  • Scott B. Smith

    Having been brought up on TNG, I am making my way through all of TOS now. A lot of it is good. However, I watched a super awkward episode last night, “Plato’s Stepchildren.” Holy moly.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    By “series”, you mean you also liked the sequel?! Or just the original miniseries? There’s another sequel coming out later this year, (or is it next year?) with the understated title “The Master Race”. The promotional image is Batman, in silhouette, with bloody fists, and a bleeding S-symbol in the background. Can’t wait to never read that.

  • Brack to the Future

    Netflix? Watch it sometime in parallel with broadcast and you’ll see how much your local station leaves out.

    That said, TOS is really horrible.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hi, Jorge!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    People respond to cancerous YouTube comments?

  • ultraterrestrial

    I had no idea what to expect sitting down. I wasn’t involved in the making of the film. In a dark theatre the movie starts and I see things that I recognise… a massive flop, stuffed with tedious CGI that stinks the entire place out and costs the studio about $200,000,000 in unrecovered budget and accrued marketing costs…with about another $500,000,000 in lost gross. And now I’m on a journey and I think ‘Excellent! If my radar could be so far off recommending this utter garbage then what the fuck does that bode for Avatar 2…can anyone please tell me…I’m not joking here?!?!’ I then find I have to change my pantaloons as I appear to have shat them. It’s all in a day’s work for the auteur extraordinaire of modern cinema, who is always right, you just remember that kids.

    I suppose I’ll still have the miserable reboot of Eraserhead if all else fails…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6gI7CHYRrU

  • Brack to the Future

    The graphic novels, in series, my apologies. I was too young and poor to buy them all at once so I had to get the softcover bound version compendium.

  • Scott B. Smith

    Yep, Netflix.

    TOS isn’t perfect by any means but I can see the gems beneath the dirt. TNG had some bad episodes. What I’ve seen of DS9 is mostly bad episodes. VOY is next on my list to watch.

    Wait, this doesn’t have anything to do with Terminators. I veered off-topic, ’cause of “Star Track.”

  • Brack to the Future

    I would like to see the IMAX version of your bitterness.

  • ultraterrestrial

    It would make far more than this movie did.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Like McBlandy’s butt?

  • How’s your sex life?

  • 3D IMAX?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    My relationship with Frank Miller is, um, complicated. I loved The Dark Knight Returns when it came out. Not so much, anymore. I hated The Dark Knight Strikes Back when it came out. It reads better a second time, having put a little distance between now and then (the Dick Grayson shape-shifting sh!t still makes zero sense). I used to dig Sin City. Then I saw the awful movies, which are certainly accurate representations of the comics. Holy Terror and All-Star Dark Knight are abominations.

    Still, I’m not as mad at him as at Grant Morrison. Or Scott Snyder. Fyuck those two guys!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They’re making a documentary about The Room. I found because the twitter for the movie is following me because I made an awful joke on twitter.

  • ultraterrestrial

    6D. I shove my hands down your pants and swap fluids. It’s the future and you all know you want it.

  • Heinzy

    I love this new show “Half in Bag”.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Your bitterness in NOTHING. Mine contains cinematic universes.

    Behold! My bitterness is world-building!

  • Half in bag? What’s that?
    EDIT: Haha, good catch.

  • Brack to the Future

    Tex Avery is the best. Do you understand me sir? Do you understand me?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I have an idea for a movie: The RedLetterStory. A story about a couple of frauds from Illinois and Milwaukie who become internet famous through reviewing the Star Wars prequels. Will the fame get to their heads? Will they ever make another review? How come Pre-Rec happened? Why does Mike hate video games? Directed by Michel Gondry and written by Aaron Sorkin.

  • Who wrote Duck Amuck?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Chuck Jones, I think.

  • Brack to the Future

    Starring Jean Reno as Mike, Chaz Bono as Jay, and Bono as Mathilda.

    Co-produced by Luc Besson and Bruce Willis.

  • Well, I have to go with Chuck Jones, then.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Pa…are you Kevin Feige? I always thought you were hiding something dark and horrible and profitable.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s an awful lot of responsibility to put on my word.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Terminator Geniysis review,today.

  • Well, he directed it, so that’s good enough for me.

  • Sully

    TIRE TREADS!!!

  • Now we know how to make him crawl out of his wombspace.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I was thinking Spike Jonze as Jay but Jean Reno is perfect. Kate Winslet as Jessi, Stanley Tucci as Jack. All we need is Rich.

  • I think you just’ve answered your question.

  • Brack to the Future

    Are we talking probiotic fluids? Because those are all the rage now. SUBSCRIBED

  • ultraterrestrial

    Dom Deluise choked to death. I don’t think anyone else could get close tbh.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♫ Nothing you can know that isn’t known
    Nothing you can see that isn’t shown
    Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be
    It’s easy
    All you need is Rich (Everybody!) ♫

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Josh should be Mark Ruffalo.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I have lots of live cultures about my person. Pick a zone (upper or lower body) and don’t blame me if it doesn’t benefit you much.

  • Brack to the Future

    Are we really talkin’ movies anymore, man? Aren’t we really talkin’ the end of ideas, the ceasing of innovation, the stagnation like in “Brazil” which is totally awesome yet terribly unwatchable? The duality of which exceeds even me?

    If I haven’t said this before, I love you guys, btw. All of you. Cider House Rules.

  • I thought about Jonah Hill or Seth Rogan. Gotta hit that demographic that doesn’t exist.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Brazil is unwatchable? I must have seen that film a couple dozen times.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Jack could be played by Jesse Eisenberg. I mean, he’s already shaved his head and all.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Quiet, we’re making the cast for the RedLetterStory. We need Colin and Jim’s actors.

  • Brack to the Future

    To anybody in flesh with whom I’ve ever spoken. “Gilliam” is a dirty word that means cockadoodie 12 monkeys time travel no way!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Eisenberg is better as Jim

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, Diversity is THE thing, now.

    We gotta find a part for Melissa McCarthy. Maybe Fuckbot?

    I dunno where we can squeeze-in Michael B. Jordan or Kevin Hart. And a pop singer. Or, at least a rapper.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Colin will be that Parsons kid from TV.
    Jim? I’m thinking Dude Who Plays Thor.

    Although I suppose we gotta cast Chris Pratt as somebody.

  • Heinzy

    The new hit show from the boys at RedLeMedia.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Chris Hemsworth? I was thinking Chris Pratt but that works.

  • Brack to the Future

    You mean that guy from Big Bang Theory? Too lispy.

  • Ja Rule as Mr Plinkett?

  • Brack to the Future

    Wes Bentley. Totally Wes Bentley.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Maybe we need a Rapping Dog like in that animated Titanic movie.

  • Palpatine

    Chris Pratt should play Jay, then all of Omitted’s dreams will cum true.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jay has been cast. We need Gillian now.

  • Palpatine

    Julianne Moore.

  • Heinzy

    Mike’s liquor bottle.

  • Brack to the Future

    I vote the gay girl who played the Scully of Mulder on the X Files. Plus her name’s already Gillian.

  • instant relief

    I heard it gets good after season 5. 😛

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We have most of cast for The RedLetterStory. Now we need Samurai Cop and Len Kabasinski and composer.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Rich Evans as himself. It’s so obvious it goes without saying.

  • Brack to the Future

    Cast Joel Hodgson as their landlord always hectoring* them to pay the rent and you’ve got an investor!

    * I watched “Troy” recently, and Wolfgang Petersen taught me something

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Those Sin City movies. No one agrees with me, but I think they are horribly paced. Robert Rodriguez is a fucktard.

    Never read anything by Scott Snyder. I think he is more recent than my quitting reading DC. Grant Morrison is hit or miss. I like most of his old stuff, but hate most of what he’s done after returning to DC. He has completely disappeared up his own butthole.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I love La Jetée – which is about the fixation upon certain images (i.e., moments, ideas) that come to define us and create apparently solid identities that we constantly circle around and allow to eventually determine our fate. This nuance was lost in 12 Monkeys–or was at least smothered by a clumsier idea of an eternally fixed inescapable outcome. The point of Marker’s film is that we are free (or can be free) to choose otherwise. There is nothing fixed beyond self-chosen limitation, in filmmaking or in life. Change the shot and you change everything. You can escape the loop.

  • instant relief

    I just saw Chappie and now I wanna preemptively shoot my dog before it grows conscious and starts talking to me.

  • Palpatine

    My cat always talks to me.

  • Brack to the Future

    Ugly. Bad use of Bruce Willis. Otherwise, the only better cartoon noir can be found in “Dusk Till [sic] Dawn.” Not saying it’s good, just nobody does anything rotoscope worth two shits since the 60s.

  • Palpatine

    What did he teach you? Edit: Nevermind.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Have you ever read youtube comments? Every new PreRec stream uploaded the same people want Jack to fuck off. I’m not even sure if it’s a running gag now, or what.

  • instant relief

    If you ever wanna get rid of your cat, I guess Mr. Plinkett can help you with that. He’s gotten quite efficient.

  • Palpatine

    Are you kidding me, I’m an evil villain, I need a cat.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Pretty much.
    #IAmNotNoOne&YouAreNotAlone

  • Brack to the Future

    I don’t agree. There is no loop because time is an allusion.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Or a shark with lasers on its head.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    To be fair, 12 Monkeys used La Jetté as a foundation, but it ends up doing its own thing. Someone mentioned Sin City misusing Bruce Willis. 12 Monkeys might be the Best Bruce Wills outside the original Die Hard.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Mr. Sparky, today it’s not the 4th of July! Today it’s the 5th of July! Learn to read the calendar.

    (It’s the 7th of July, so the comment it’s almost timely)

  • ultraterrestrial

    Yes – the ‘fixed self’ in time is an illusion, just as ‘the loop in time’ is the same illusion. Marker is offering a note of hope, a way out – not a tragedy eternally doomed to repeat itself.

  • Arthur Wesley
  • Hank_Henshaw

    I need to correct myself. I never saw the second Sin City. Just from the trailers I assumed it was exactly like the first movie, and I doubt I’m wrong.

  • omitted

    You keep stroking that white pussy, Palpy.

  • Brack to the Future

    No I mean allusion.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I think it’s a clever film, Hank. Better than most product out there. But it’s still product compared to what it could have been.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Certainly Gilliam’s most commercial movie.

  • Palpatine

    Damn, look at that bulge.

  • Brack to the Future

    Just don’t let him get sentient. Until then, a pet is a perfect slave. /sarc

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Why isn’t he fighting a bear in New York?

  • Palpatine

    Unlike Plinkett, I only have one cat.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I love TG, to be clear. Time Bandits is still one of the best movies ever made. I’ll hunt down and murder the bastards that reboot it. And they will, as sure as rain…

  • Brack to the Future

    And Jada Pinkett as Halle Berry, hit-and-running that poor person.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I mean both: illusion/allusion. Ramana Maharshi, Paul Tillich, Crowley, et al. A vital and lived truth–and also a referent.

  • Brack to the Future

    I saw the exact codpiece at the waxworks in Niagara. Nearly put my eye out. You’d need 16 skymall merkins just to cover it.

  • Brack to the Future

    I don’t know those names, but as a student of Eleatic concepts, neither time nor motion is important.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Just think, some poor kid probably asked Jimmy Savile to fix that for him…

  • omitted

    *never heard of before now

  • ultraterrestrial

    We have more in common than you think. Thought is a doorway – a key doorway. Advaita Vedanta 😉

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Brack to the Future

    Jai gurudev, let this not be farewell, friend.

  • omitted

    Soooo, Magic Mike XXL was different. First I thought I was watching the Hobbit. There was a ring and everything. Didn’t know there were so many magical places between Tampa, FL and Myrtle Beach, SC where down-on-their-luck male strippers could get some much needed economical/mental boost. The finale was well worth the wait, though. Literally blew me away.

    It would have made a great date movie. At least I got out of the theater horny as fuck. The audience was about 80 % female, mostly groups of women and couples. Those guys who took their ladies to see it are gonna have some good time tonight, I bet. A tip for my straight single homies out there: find out the ending times of MM XXL at your local movie theater and you’ll have your pick of already excited ladies coming out of that place.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Anubhava leading unto Moksha. I’m following you (which may not be as sinister as it sounds). We will chat again, mate, and hopefully at greater length. Best Wishes!

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Buk Pravon

    I just saw “Men & Chicken”. Very good film. 😀 Excellent cast, good story and funny dialogues. I really liked it a lot. … It’s a pity Mike and Jay couldn’t review this instead of that silly robot flick. :/ But I couldn’t find a release date for it in the US yet. 🙁

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3877674/

    It’s a worthy follower of “Adam’s Apples”. So everyone who liked that one should go and see this, if he or she can. 🙂

  • My ex wife

    Goes to show how few of us actually read any thing on here.

  • My ex wife
  • instant relief

    Sorry, Palps, I forgot. Don’t want you to lose your job.

  • instant relief

    “Pussy’s for faggots.”

  • Earth

    On holiday where the internet in this hotel is better than at my actual home. Can’t watch the new Half in the Bag.

    This holiday is gonna be torture.

  • My ex wife

    We need a couch review show, Half on the Couch… fuck benches!

  • RLMkeepitup

    watch it if you want to live

  • omitted

    They showed the Vacation trailer before Magic Mike XXL. People laughed. I wept.

  • Earth

    I’ll be back.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Literally blew me,” doesn’t mean what I think you think it means.

  • Palpatine

    Hmm, could be good. I did like The LEGO Movie after all.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    If two alien beings meet on the webzone, will the military have to kill us all with glowy-blue tech?

  • tOmy`

    Spoiler alert: You will start to see things you recognize.

  • Palpatine

    James Cameron is a huge asshole. That is all.

  • ultraterrestrial

    Pew-pew-pew…wah! It’s all gone blue and glowy.

  • tOmy`

    So that is the third SW movie currently lined up, right?

    SUCK IT, MARVEL!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is that the one with the Dude Who Plays Thor and his enormous fake hammer?

  • ultraterrestrial

    How can you say that, Palpy? The man is a *massive* asshole. C’mon, really…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *ginormous

    I fixed it for both of youse.

  • Palpatine

    Can’t be worse than Christmas Vacation 2.

  • Palpatine

    *Titanic

  • ultraterrestrial

    And he’s The King of the World. Just goes to show.

  • omitted

    Yup.

  • RLMkeepitup

    there’s a poop joke in the trailer, it’s doomed

  • My ex wife

    It will be fine as long as it doesn’t move to Johannesburg and make friends with a bunch of assholes.

  • tOmy`

    “PewDiePie, a YouTube star who records his reactions to playing video games for a living, made about $7.4 million in revenue last year.”

  • Adzl33t

    Nope that’s more generic nerd pandering schlock

  • omitted
  • ultraterrestrial

    I made considerably less for trying to make an honest living. I done fucked it up…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Who????

  • tOmy`

    He is also rather hot and so is his girlfriend. I am not the biggest fan of his humor, but that guy does put some work into his “entertainment”.

  • ultraterrestrial

    There are ‘girlfriends’ involved as well? Jesus…I really did fuck it up.

  • tOmy`

    Well, the first gameplay of Deus Ex: Mankind Divided is out. I am glad that we got to see Czech Republic, a beautifully racially diverse… shithole, apparently. But for the fuck sake and 800th time, Czechs don’t have Russian accents!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He claims, “I still spent far more money on charities than anything I’ve ever spent for myself.”

    Receipts, or it never happened.

    Also, probably shouldn’t capitalize the “D”, there, Pewdie. Karma and all.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    $7.4 million? Of course there would be girlfriends.

    #FemaleMaterialismSlam

  • tOmy`

    Charity: Water officially thanked him. Most gamers / streamers send money to charity. Just look at Awesome Games Done Quick / Summer Games Done Quick.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Sometimes, I know you’re using English words and probably even using them correctly, but I have no idea what you’re saying. These times, you make me feel like I’m illiterate. I don’t like that feeling.

  • tOmy`

    Those are names of two big events when gamers get together to show speed runs of games with live commentary; it is basically 5 – 7 days long marathon, during which people send money and all the proceedings go to charity. I think their best year they got more than 1.5m.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I was trying to imagine how water would officially thank anyone.

    Growing plants? Bubbles?

    “Glub.”

    Translation: Thank you for conserving me and not spilling your oil here.

    END SCENE

  • ultraterrestrial

    Ah…the sweet smell of misogyny. Weirdly I approve.

    Actually, to prevent getting killed here, what I actually mean is that I’ve been reading Fredric Jameson all week. The skewed logistics of ‘late capitalism’ should attract any form of opportunistic sexual partner, particularly one seeking glory via reflected economic status: male, female or Borg.

    Although I did kind of mean the misogyny thing tbh. I suppose that makes me a bad ahistorical subject? I should be ashamed of myself and I am.

  • tOmy`

    Ah, no, that is their official title Charity: Water. Look em up, they are a great charity.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    I donate to a charity called redlettermedia

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Sheesh. I didn’t say I hated them because they shop a lot. I just implied they shop a lot.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    is this true?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • tOmy`

    I understand, booze ain’t cheap.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    that guy is dumb as hell

  • ultraterrestrial

    They do shop a lot, but to be fair it’s not a bill on their card.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So is Kanye. And they’re both rich.

    “Stay in school. A good education is priceless.”

    Why do parents lie to their children?

  • Brack to the Future

    So what will we see in 100 years in US and EU? Morphology skewing toward the Jewing?

    What about larger population groups like India or China?

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    my blood boils

  • Brack to the Future

    Show me the money.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I’m backing away from the ‘Jewing’ thing there, Brack. I just hit the desk but oddly I’m still backing up. Can’t we just stick to the misogyny and keep this neutral?

  • Brack to the Future

    I was rhyming, but if it takes the piss out of misogyny, so be it.

  • ultraterrestrial

    I was too. I’m not a misogynist. I’m a nonspecific gender that recognises the right of any being to mate with any other type of being, just as long as I pornify it–when I’m home nights.

  • Brack to the Future

    As for me I’m an alien who believes any sex is violence. I choose to impregnate various and sundry non-human septic systems at least twice daily.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “…the misadventures of young Han Solo…”

    So, Harrison Ford is out then.

    #NotEnoughVaselineInTheWorld

  • ultraterrestrial

    This is something I approve of. I tried to get some extra work in ‘Under The Skin’ but was sad to learn that that I couldn’t dissolve myself in alien gloop or pull my skin off onscreen–as I like to do at home. There’s little room for truth in cinema nowadays.

  • Brack to the Future

    I like you more and more every minute!

  • ultraterrestrial

    Am I alone in thinking that the unique snowdrops falling onto the lens of the camera were the real message of that film–the last word on the narrative?

  • Yes, the dude is rich but he ain’t Rich.

    #RichEvansIsLife

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Did you know that “unique snowdrops” is a myth? I think Science has identified sixteen types of common shapes for snowflakes.

  • Brack to the Future

    Wow, I’ve gotta say, where have you been all this time, “non-sex-based casual moniker/identifier?”

  • ultraterrestrial

    My bad, then. Perhaps rather ‘the mistaken notion of unique snowflakes’ might have the point?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    This is a thing, now: Feminists are arguing over the meaning of the chubbiness of the character “Sadness” in INSIDE OUT.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I dunno. Haven’t thought about it. UNDER THE SKIN was one of my favorite movies of the year last year, though. It turned out to be such a great year! Haven’t had one as good since 2007.

  • Link?

  • Brack to the Future

    Hey gang, is it wrong if I want to be the next guy on MST3K? Promise I’ll be really good and faithful, plus I sing much better than Mike or Joel.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • tOmy`

    That is pretty much your average English speaking person accent, yea.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    If it’s wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

  • Like Icare
  • ultraterrestrial

    The end of that film is devastating. Actually heart-breaking.
    Transcending prescribed roles/normative gender practices/inherited species biases (thereby becoming all accepting—beyond the typical mundane set of prey and
    predator) you end up being destroyed as something alien and horrific: an ultimate threat to the crowd. I really admire Scarlett Johansson for taking on that film and the much maligned lead in ‘Lucy’ (I film I also loved coz it had so much passion
    and such a naïve, hopeful/cool view of human possibility). Yet her Marvel films get most of the dollars. Films in which Iron Man builds a better suit and Thor fucks about with his hammer, endlessly. Alas, this is the world. Don’t dare to say anything
    or the critics will absolutely hate you for it.

  • Thanks. I think its interresting and its one new Disney movie I want to see.

    But, ehm….
    “I can’t write with any real authority about Inside Out, because I haven’t see the movie” -Joni Edelman

    What is going on? Sounds like a Boyhood rant now. Havent seen it, hate it, Pixar is stupid.

    #BTW12BoyhoodsucksNeverSeenIt

  • I hate Boyhood.

    #NEVERFORGIVE

  • Is it terrible to admit I kind of like Voyager a bit more than TNG?

  • No, it’s ok. Curious, why?

  • ultraterrestrial

    Some of the time travel stories in Voyager are the best ever written for TV and film too. They are absolutely brilliant.

  • I don’t know. I think I like the characters more. And perhaps the lost in space theme is kind of more interesting.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ve seen both. BOYHOOD, indeed, sucked. INSIDE OUT is another Pixar thing. Meaning, it is an amazing work of transcendent emotion and intelligence, or it’s just a sentimental family film that’s flawed but a little less flawed than most sentimental family films.

    #Depending

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t blame the critics (if that’s what you’re doing and I didn’t misunderstand). I think critics loved UNDER THE SKIN, too. If you wanna blame somebody for Dumb, blame your neighbors. They’re the ones who claim to “turn (the) brain off for fun” and line up to watch offensively stupid crap about [redacted] and superheroes.

  • Aw yea. The Delta quadrant is a far more hostile place and the story is themed around the return of the crew to Federation space. Same vibe as when Q introduces the Borg to the crew of the Enterprice. I also like the light hearted theme of some of the character interactions (ex. ship doctor), in TNG these does not work aswell. The chemistry of the crew is different and I really think they did a good job introducing the other species differences to humans. TNG I think has a more simple aspect of this but Voyager digs deeper, thinking of Neelix and 7of9. The character of Worf and Data is strong but more shallow, if I make any sense.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    If one doesn’t stand for something, one will fall for anything.

  • Like Icare

    Sometimes, I just want to watch the world burn.

  • goodpenisbadpenis

    only if I’m the one forcing you to watch bad movies.

  • Bubs

    I’m an indie developer. Do you know how depressing it is to know that you made substantially less making games than someone who plays them? I hate you for bringing this to my attention.

  • ultraterrestrial

    You have a point but in the UK (not sure about elsewhere) there are so many TV and newspaper morons ready to ignore anything interesting in favour of Hollywood crap. Under The Skin did little business here, just as it got little attention. Unfortunately Jurassic World and Age of Ultron were reviewed as if they were both Citizen Kane 2. I may be tilting at windmills here, in the face of vast sums of money spent on marketing, but at least quality used to get some coverage. Now even less than before – far less. I never thought I’d say this but come back Barry Norman, we miss you, all is forgiven.

  • Like Icare

    Yeah, I know. I had to look him up too.

  • They underplay the survival thing which is a shame, though. Replicators can do anything.

  • Palpatine

    Both.

  • Like Icare

    Look it up if you like horrorish thriller scifi. It’s not bad.

  • Scott B. Smith

    “We don’t all have to like the same things.” –Jack Packard, in one of those Twitch things

  • Yeah, but it’s generally considered to be the worst out of the 90’s series.

  • Don’t forget to upgrade to windows 10! Free upgrade if you are a Win7 or 8 user.

    #CortanaSkynet

  • Scott B. Smith

    Please make this into an artistic short film.

  • tOmy`

    I upgraded my Windovs 8 to Windovs 10 and I am making 1058$ a moth! I’ve never been so rewarded in life! My skin got better, boobs got biger and I was able to aford a great nissan altima that transforms into a bumblebe. Like >>my<< comment if you wanna win a *free iPad* and friend me on Facebook. I have only 2 friends right now lol 🙁 but I post funny picz and dirty selphies.

  • Scott B. Smith

    I think you may be forgetting “Enterprise,” sir.
    That was 90’s right? If not, it’s still the worst.

  • It had good elements.

  • Redeemed with the last season.

  • Don’t don’t play with my heart, you know I have a thing for floozy spammers.

  • Scott B. Smith

    I never forgave them for having the first contact with a Klingon being a mob chasing him out of a corn field. Classy.

  • Nope, it was the nougthies.

  • Scott B. Smith

    Robot, Zombie, Phalanx John Connor looks like the Winter Soldier of “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” fame.

  • If you ask me, James Cameron really dropped the ball in ‘T2.’
    Since Arnie was filling in for Kyle Reese as the “protector” in that movie, I fully expected him to impregnate Sarah Connor as well.
    Their child would have been christened “Tron Connor” and he would have been the emperor of the universe.

  • Scott B. Smith

    I wish I could remember things. 🙁

    Thanks for clearing that up.

  • How can we blame this movie on feminism?

  • If they were gonna make Terminator “fanfilm,” they should have made it balls-to-the-wall awesome.
    John Connor should have captured an Arnie-bot, reprogrammed him, and given him tons of new upgrades like wrist-mounted laser guns, jet-boots and a giant cannon in his chest that shoots confetti. Shrapnel confetti. Deadly confetti.
    And they should have had Super-Arnie capture a T-1000 and turn him into a good guy. And then the whole movie would be a badass buddy-cop movie (T-1000 is still in a cop uniform) with Super-Arnie and T-1000.
    Ah, I can imagine the repartee.
    (John Connor, T-1000 and Super-Arnie are sneaking down a corridor in Skynet’s main base, keeping an eye out for enemies.)
    T-1000: We’ve gotta stay together. I’ve got the front.
    Super-Arnie: And I’ll be back.
    (T-1000 and John Connor both groan and roll their eyes.)

  • The should have just made a real future war movie. It’s the best part of every individual movie.

  • tOmy`

    Regarding Han Solo movie:

    “Update: StarWars.com has confirmed Lord and Miller’s hiring, as well as revealing that the film will be written by The Empire Strikes Back, Return Of The Jedi, and The Force Awakens screenwriter Lawrence Kasdanand his son, Jon.” So it is official, folks, we are milking this harder than we expected.

    Good night.

  • Nighty night

  • Chewie, we’re home.
    Part time!

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Mike likes Star Trak? First I’m hearing of it.

  • array528
  • array528
  • “in a nursing home”?

  • Sully

    I main star’s surname is “Courtney.”

    I got nothin’.

  • Sully

    Yeah, but that’s just something Jack overheard his parents say one day while they were talking about him.

  • Like Icare

    Chewie, we’re being replaced by younger actors.

    Well… I am. Maybe you’ll act a Wookiee until you suffocate under that rug.

  • Palpatine

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Palpatine

    Why’d you use that take? You know, the worst one.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Old Han Solo or young Han Solo?

  • Palpatine

    “Nurse, I went number R2-D2 in my diaper!”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Is it terrible to admit I’ve only seen the first four ST movies, one time each? Oh, and the first JJ Trek, also once.

  • array528

    Proper grammar make less funny.

  • Skynet kills both men and female.

    #equalsexist

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s gonna be great.

  • “Fu** you a**hole”. How come Arnold does’nt use that catch phrase anymore?

  • “Did you call moi a dipshit? ”

    C’mon, it’s comedygold!

  • Maybe they’ll apply vaseline so that the audience doesn’t notice.

  • Replace “I’ve been wating for you” with “Chill out, dickwad.” Then fire shotgun.

  • Palpatine

    “Hasta-la-vista, dickwad.”

  • Exactly!

  • He should have had the rose and the box too.

  • Let’s kick some ice! Oops, wrong movie.

  • No they reference that too.

  • dejectedchuckle
  • And a younger Peter Silberman should have taken care of the traumatized punks.

  • dejectedchuckle

    Disney sure is showing ol’ George how to milk an iconic franchise for all it’s worth. Jar Jar Binks toys and cereal almost seems quaint now.

  • Like Icare

    Who’ll play baby Luke and baby Leia? So that they can shake hands with young Han Solo. And then they can say “One day one of us will suck your cock. Force told us so.”

    And then he can be repulsed. Cause girls got cooties.
    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XdP6Lp2ceqY/TR6ryL4RTBI/AAAAAAAAjlE/SmIYfW4PQrM/s1600/hansolo.PNG

  • Part time! What?

  • Jay Stein

    Bravo! A perfect half in the bag, and another $15.00 saved

  • Jay Stein

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Arthur Wesley

    What’s wrong with your face John? https://vid.me/OKR8

  • Like Icare

    Hold on… wait… I just realized that they are making a Han Solo prequel… and a Boba Fett prequel.

    How do you spell convergent plot-lines?
    Also… Who’s next? Lando? Jabba? A remake of Cheers situated in Mos Eisley cantina? How bout a show or movie about Empire characters? Young Palpie – the early years. How I midichlorinated your mother, Anakin.

    Oh… you know what’s coming up? The spinoff with NooWars characters.

    Fuck you it’s year? Fuck you – it’s Disney!

  • Like Icare

    It’s the still. They were makin moonshine. It blew up in his face.

    No… Really. It’s in the moopie.

    They talk about makin a still for moonshine and how it blew up in their faces.

  • James D

    Hey its great to watch you guys tear down a hollywood movie for once. Have you guys gotten lame or have the movies actually started to get better on average?

  • Jay Stein

    A little in the keester and some up front and you’ll be jolly good..

  • And here I thought the spoiler-heavy trailer was just a way to fake people out and surprise them for the REAL twist of the movie, but I guess I was giving the same people who couldn’t spell “genesis” right too much credit.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Give it up, Grampa! You’re 80!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I can already hear the Oranges tune in the background.

    Oh my god, please help me! My brain is collapsing inside itself.

  • Bubs

    Don’t worry, I’m sure someone somewhere cares what you think. You must be an internet billionaire by now with all the valuable thoughts you’ve put onto the Reddit Marketplace.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Not to mention all the money you can earn working for Goo$le!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “–by –screenwriter Lawrence Kasdanand his son, Jon.” I’m trying to wrap my head around this sentence but I can’t seem to figure out what it means.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “Great” gets me every time.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    She may need all her spawn to let out a collective sigh but I managed to do it all by myself reading this article. Besides, my first thought was that maybe she’s fat because she’s sad, not the other way around. You know, because sad or depressed people usually don’t have the motivation to go out and keep themselves in shape? Maybe they tend to eat a bit more? And perhaps the turtleneck is an implication of insecureness? Because insecure people also tend to be sadder than those who are comfortable with themselves.

    “I don’t even like turtlenecks.” What? What has that got to do with anything? A movie shouldn’t have turtlenecks because one over-sensitive and -protective feminist doesn’t happen to like them? What? Someone, please tell me what’s going on.

    “Have you ever really paid attention to commercials? Carl’s Jr. is using sex to sell hamburgers, for crap’s sake.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WTA_8waxTo Hmm… If I really try to pay attention and squint a little, I think I may notice some sexual aspects in this ad.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yes. It is true: This man has no dick.

  • omitted

    Kazons… can you say discount Klingons? Neelix was atrocious. Survival and the mixing of the Federation-Maquis crews were pretty much a non-issue. It got better with Seven and the Borg in general, but they did end up overusing them to the point where they became pretty much a cartoon villains. To me Voyager (and Enterprise) will always be series with so much wasted potential.

  • omitted

    They’re both owned by Disney, so that would be pretty incestuous. I’ll allow it.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    So looks like they are being retro with the styling of the new Ghostbusters… I’m still skeptical as fuck tho.

    https://twitter.com/paulfeig/status/618605859241918465/photo/1

  • Noah R.

    Just got done watching this at the theater…. Wow, my mind is fucked up with all this future bullshit. I mean, I just don’t know what happened.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I loved TOS and TNG but after Babylon 5 and Space: Above and Beyond. Star TrAk started looking very lame and childish.
    And Voyger, i would rather watch the 6 episode BBC vampire show Ultraviolet 70 times in a row…. AGAIN!

    https://youtu.be/Jwk3KeTC7HI

  • Andrew Thompson.

    hollywould put their fingers in your arse wallet.

  • Layla
  • omitted

    DS9 is great but only as a Trek version (read lamer) of B5. I haven’t seen all episodes of TOS and TNG and I doubt I’ll ever will.

  • Bubs

    Layla! Where is Sara Richardson?! I have filed a police report about her. I believe she may have been kidnapped as I have not been able to contact her for nearly a week now. I’m afraid Hilary has also gone missing. And worst of all, whoever kidnapped the two of them may also have my $8,000 monthly check! Lock your doors Layla, you may be next…

  • Andrew Thompson.

    fuck you new Ghostbusters… fuck you….

    http://images.smh.com.au/2015/07/08/6668967/Article%20Lead%20-%20narrow998035675gi7d7cimage.related.articleLeadNarrow.353×0.gi7d97.png1436314367884.jpg-300×0.jpg

    its like something i would have made in my shed. its a car speaker cover and some gas fittings! FUCK! YOU!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    I am a Bajillion$$$ ca$h dollar man! i have big package for you… a FINANCIAL PACCKAGE.
    Log on to facebook and like SPAMBOT-5000 for a pizza roll.

  • Kirke

    There’s a woman with a speaking role in it.

  • Malevolence

    See how everyone keeps things lighthearted and you’re being a dick? Dwell on that for a little while and then get the fuck out

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Layla! Wake up! They’re tricking you into working 15-hour shifts! How can you let this slide while your elderly brother friend is working less than half the amount and making more money? On top of that, you’re underpaid! by 90$ per hour you should be making over a grand more for 104 hours of work! Is this really how you want to live your life? Working for the majority of your time? Think about it.

    Please.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Thats 14 hours a day. we only work 38 hour weeks in my country. Are You Slave?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    you said it better.

  • Malevolence

    I think I need to help Layla oxygenate her womb space

  • Andrew Thompson.

    we should teach her the Dance of Birth. Everyone flail wildly!

  • Malevolence

    I’ll make her flail wildly

  • Andrew Thompson.

    at least she didnt get your pizza rolls… Boss Nass lost all his pizza rolls and now his toad spawn are starving… donate pizza rolls to the “Find Sara Richardson Appeal.”

  • Malevolence

    You know…. with my cock…..

  • Andrew Thompson.

    flailed her? it was more a light spanking.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    your a SKULL!.. oh wait i’m a rainbow eagle…

  • Malevolence

    That’s right. And I gots a boner!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *bone! hahahahahahaha

  • Malevolence

    lol er* …. oh wait… I don’t get it! 😀

  • Andrew Thompson.

    it took 5 seconds to find the stock photo this one is from.

    https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/girls-glasses-6.jpg?w=500&h=666

  • Malevolence

    They’re them, and you’re just a nobody criticizing them…. think about that for a bit before your next dinner date with your hand

  • Malevolence

    Gotta give them points for taste…. love a chick with glasses

  • omitted

    *sex slave

  • Kirke

    I’ve never even seen the original Terminator. Now THATS hipster!!

  • Malevolence

    ….Is this internet Al Qaeda coming to take away our freedoms?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    NO. No its not… just sad.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i would rather be a whore. at least they get paid.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    This is what I got by reverse-searching the image: http://i.imgur.com/82AOcDj.jpg?1

    The description thing says: “Hey, I found you an interesting product from huuto.net(Finnish eBay). — Buy now 7.20€.”

  • Malevolence

    One can only hope

  • Kirke

    You’re just jealous because I feel absolutely zero need or want to watch Genymademaneysys. I’m gonna use that money to watch Fury Road for the 947th time.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    wow… what the fuck is wrong with finland? i thought it was just Omitted.

  • Malevolence

    Are ye trying to give us all Internet aids?

  • Malevolence

    didn’t they cancel the film?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    That is great!
    but the original Terminator is in my top ten with the first mad max.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    no….. *fade to black GUNSHOT!*

  • Layla

    yeah

  • Layla

    u help me?

  • Malevolence

    Robocop, Terminator, Road Warrior, The Thing, Total Recall, Dark City, Star Wars, Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, IJ- The Last Crusade

  • omitted

    Oh my gawd! She’s alive!

  • Malevolence

    How much for a house call?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Now i’m probably going to get banned for this…..
    But i think Mike is becoming a father.
    Jessi is off cam and Mike is going soft. i think any father here knows that point. When you look at movies for what your kids would watch not what is interesting or even good.
    Congratulations Mike.

  • Bubs

    It all makes sense now… only 90 bucks an hour for an outcall? That’s some bargain-basement pussy!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i’m sure you meant Raiders of the lost ark?

  • Malevolence

    How do you know Mike is flaccid?

  • Malevolence

    Not really… found The Last Crusade to be more fun, with the father son dynamic

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yeah sure. i have a few million. get on a boat and head to my place in Australia. i’ll pay for everything.

  • Bubs

    I so rarely get to see Dark City on someone’s top list. Easily the most underrated movie of all time, just ahead of Starship Troopers. On the plus side, this means it will probably never be re-made.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’ll believe it when they review an animated film.

  • Angelo

    Mr. Lighthearted talking.

  • Malevolence

    Matrix behind the scenes introduced me to it and I’m glad it did

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i have the sad feeling they believed my jokes about being Rich Evans.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    She’s not even that far away from you! A tiny island called Tokelau: https://www.google.fi/maps/place/Tokelau/@-10.9774198,-150.7369924,3z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x705226aab3781df7:0x8f7062466ddb9b37

    Help her And-Rew Thompsoni, you’re her only hope.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    @boss_nass:disqus the new spambot leyla is going to move in with me! HAAHHA thats how you land a hot spambot1!

  • Malevolence

    I’d…. still watch her mud wrestle Jocelyn

  • Malevolence

    ….*silhouette turns to the side as she undresses, bam PENIS!*

  • Angelo

    are u a dude?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Now we know two, nay, three of your fetishes. Any more you’d like to share?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    That could work. i’m on the east coast near her and our navy is on the west coat arresting africans and sending them to cambodia…. this might just work.

  • Malevolence

    You got the time?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i dont care! i can staple a print out of this face to his.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Uh-huh.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i can live with that.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And the boobs!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    yep.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Amen to boobs.

  • Angelo

    Who’s boobs?

  • omitted

    What about me?! :´(

  • Andrew Thompson.

    shit people! now we all scared off my new girlfriend. she will never get on a refugee boat now.

  • Malevolence

    …she could have actually been your new boyfriend… I maybe going out on a limb here but think we did you a favor

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Andrew Thompson.

    oh please you have been chasing a Twink all week. i have needs too!

  • Malevolence

    Films Layla (aka Brian from State Farm) and Omitted…. Now don’t you disappoint you two!… fetish #4

  • Angelo

    I never watched a single Star Trek episode. I’m a big fan of the new Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek in comparison seems… kind of… I don’t know… CHEAP. But maybe the writing makes up for that.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    to be honest a hole is a hole… and man or woman…. i would have them digging. slave labor is big in my area.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-15/food-company-at-centre-of-slavery-scandal-launches-new-venture/6470812

  • omitted

    Tru dat…

  • JAGUART

    Spoilers:

    You guys shoulda had Space Cop burst in at the end and say “Come with me if you want to eat”

  • Malevolence

    He could be a 400 lb Himalayan man named Old Smokey…. still think we did you a favor

  • omitted

    *pussy a cat

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Angelo

    I don’t know why Rich Evans doesn’t make 20 million yet. The greatness of Rich Evans must be shared with the world. This is our sacred duty.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    there is no way to achieve a weight of 180kg in the himalayas.
    trust me.
    i used to live above the snow line.

    https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-KDjnHqvnj_k/VLIIlc8eomI/AAAAAAAAAFs/rIUsuZA5Z6I/w604-h453-no/10391501_101298603222280_6852108_n.jpg

  • Andrew Thompson.

    *a step ladder.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    hush! there is no climate change! everything is fine!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    amen

  • Malevolence

    They obviously keep their slaves tied down and well fed over there

  • tOmy`

    I am starting to see things I recognize…

  • Listen, and understand Layla! That Baumann is out there! It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

    Come with me if you want to live!

    #YourGunginLover

  • Damn you Auzzie! Shes mine!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    STOP CUTTING MY LUNCH!

  • tOmy`

    @dscw: Look what I found! It’s called Beat Breakdown – someone with a heart of gold and a lot of free time is breaking down hip hop music beat by beat, sample by sample, effect by effect, instrument by instrument. Here is Kanye’s Power, worth watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ONfa_3zh70

  • Andrew Thompson.

    get on the SPAM wagon. no one cares about music.

  • Let her choose now. Let’s be scolars end gentlemen

  • tOmy`

    My music posts are spam by default anyway. Plus that whole “u help?” question makes me wonder whether it ain’t some 12 years old girl, locked in a Chinese basement, working slavery-shifts just to keep her family of 10 out of prison camps.

  • tOmy`

    I thought gentlemen settle these things at duels.

  • I have a planet. You could own your very own moon! Just send you wallet to:

    Boss Nass
    Otoh Gunga
    Galaxy far far away

  • Andrew Thompson.

    thats what my data indicates> whats your point. i told her to get on a boat. i did my part.

  • I suck at dueling. I’m fat.

  • tOmy`

    Did you know that the third moon of Naboo is literally called “Third moon of Naboo”?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    its always ladys choice in my world.

  • Ehm. That’s the real name? That’s lame. I’ll look into it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    your normal for a toad of your age.

  • omitted

    *penis

  • I love you because you mispelled click. I also have this retardation problem.

    XOXO

  • …it’s an old photo.

  • I can get us a reservation at Dorsia. They know me.

    *grins wide while wearing sunglasses*

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so you’re the third moon of naboo?

  • Ohh. Listen to me I’m giggling like a schoolgirl.

    ♫hihihiihihihihihhhhi ♫

  • Yes… what’s up with the machinegun on your profile picture?

  • tOmy`

    Meanwhile at the Chinese slave camp:

    “Who the fuck are these people? Is this the western culture? Hey, look, there is something in Chinese! They are asking us to translate it…”

  • tOmy`

    It’s a hunting season in Australia. But unlike our hunting seasons, in Australia, you are the prey.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    U like?

  • I’m thinking east european scam firm. But Im getting that date!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    No one chiming in here. Nice find, humanoid spambot.

  • Did you know that Ted Bundy’s first dog, a collie, was named Lassie?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Its my E-11 Blaster. but i forgot to put the cooling fins back on. so its just a Sterling 9mm carbine.

    it should look like this.

    https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-X22c1_XJjVE/VLJMpfiCZYI/AAAAAAAAAI0/ZiDQxUIKolU/w931-h577-no/e11.jpg

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s his custom made Blastech E-11 blaster rifle. You should know that by now after the hundreds of times of self promotion.

    Check below for case in point.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Yes. This.

  • Cool.

  • Ok. I get it. Andrew shes not responding, you win!

    I have to return some videotapes.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    David Berkowitz’s neighbors dog was Sam….

  • Noah R.

    I’m used to it- limbered up.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i got lasers.. you got blue paint balls… sorry.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    SOS is banned in china because its too modern.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Hey @Layla. Boss Nass has given up. if you send me your personal E-mail i can help you. i know what its like struggling. thats when i became rich i decided to help the less fortunate…
    if you want help let me know.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Wait is spamming spam evil?… oh who cares…. Muawhahahahah!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    I wonder if Mike has nightmares about all the directors he’s ever zinged getting together to watch Space Cop and then making a review show on the internet to ridicule it.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    NOPE! Mike sleeps the sleep of the…. drunk.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Thompsonandrew420@gmail.com
    i can help you! mail me.

  • omitted

    Nice to see your ruggedly-handsome face again. I was getting tired of the credit card logo.

  • Andrew Thompson.

    i made it for you… *Cries in a corner.

  • omitted

    It was nice but I missed seeing you!

  • omitted
  • Andrew Thompson.

    oxox

  • omitted

    *bullbull

  • Andrew Thompson.

    Anyone notice the ‘Love Heart’ on the new proton packs?… because Girl Movie.
    Ladies you’re being manipulated, by men! AGAIN!

  • Andrew Thompson.

    so many Bullocks.

  • omitted

    *me (as in you)

  • Andrew Thompson.

    sorry this isnt homoerotic its about misogyny.

  • omitted

    Official post to tOmy´s Music Forum Extraordinaire:

    Texas – Summer Son (so many feels!)

    https://youtu.be/7uIFISklvXY

  • StepLo

    Is the new “Half in Bag” supposed to be reald like “I’ll be back”?

  • Andrew Thompson.

    For all the lady and lady boy spambot-5000’s out there . shashavaglava!

    https://youtu.be/lnT-UOxINi8

  • Bubs

    I make big bang! Just first week I make $190/hr. Can you too if click HERE! Need too entry of birthday, social security, street address, and then BANG! $180,000 check all from work from home work! It so easy even I can do, and I am stupid chinese woman! Why wait? You click now for make big money $$$$ from home! We take your children! They belong to us soon! You make big money!!

  • Bubs

    If true, she is dead now.

  • Like Icare

    That means “silly head”.

  • Bubs

    Hey, gays are women too!

  • Like Icare

    Nightmares?
    You mean that sleep when you cream into your pantaloons from excitement?

    Naah… Mike is much calmer than that. Cause he’s drunk.

  • omitted

    You know it, big boy!

  • Noah R.

    I’m interested.

  • Yes, please.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Check for work from homework? Geesh, if only I was still in school.

  • Like Icare

    No. That’s North Korea.
    China has figured out the benefits of capitalism over slavery – it’s a lot cheaper.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=qIJrsAIhoEo#t=80

  • Bubs. You mean Bubs.

  • It’s even worse. http://youtu.be/PiDRgDmXGi4

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh. It appears to just be a DeVahDeh and not the real deal.

    #Sadface

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t get me wrong: I’ve noticed it too. I think it’s mainly a function of there being soooo many people writing about these movies on the internet, most of them merely bloggers without any training in publishing or journalism. They just keep writing to get clicks, because that’s how you get paid in this business model. There’s no editorial accountability except to fourteen year-old fanboys and thirty year-old fan-men constantly jerking on their inner fanboy. And, in order to get more clicks, you have to aim at the lowest common denominator. It all becomes babble, and they just all keep repeating each other. “Chris Pratt is charming.” “How charming is Chris Pratt?” “Charm, thy name is Chris Pratt.” “In the history of charm, there have been charmers, but Chris Pratt charms the charm for a new charm of charm when he charms.” As a result, even the writers who have been around forever — take Peter Travers of Rolling Stone for example (never a champion, really, of art over mass consumerism, but, still, what a slide in the quality o his writing and the things he points out about films over just the last few years) — start to play the hype game, so that they can compete with the noise.

    Still, though, no matter who’s doing the driving, the public owns the car. It’s the vast mass of lowest common denominator that’s responsible. Over the generations, the repetition of blockbuster after blockbuster (and almost nothing but) has created this atmosphere.

    The chicken pooped the egg, but we made the omelet.

  • Sully

    Not enough titties for clickbait.

  • Palpatine

    Hey Layla, call me, my name’s Palpy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, the writer’s point is very crudely articulated, but she isn’t, exactly, wrong. All film characters have certain characteristics that sell to our social biases, and it’s exaggerated in animation. The Prince is handsome. Pocahontas has an impossibly slim waist. (Not to mention she’s been aged by about a ten years so that the sexual attraction with an adult white male isn’t as icky as it truly would seem to us, were it historically portrayed.) Villains have their eyes drawn differently.

    It’s a necessary short-hand to create a character visually.

    Yet, still, Pixar is a company that gets constantly over-praised for its sensitivity, its intelligence, its nuance. “Let’s make ‘Sadness’ sorta frumpy” isn’t exactly any of those things.

    In a nutshell, that’s my whole issue with INSIDE OUT. Don’t get me wrong: It’s fine. It’s creative. It’s my favorite Pixar since the one about the chef rat. But it is really, really obvious and sentimental, while it’s being championed as being something more than obvious and sentimental.

  • Sully

    My question is, why do the “new” ones look like they’re 40 years older than the “old” ones?

    http://i.imgur.com/imGPoNs.jpg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♫ You got me on my knees, Layla.
    I’m beggin’ darling please, Layla.
    Won’t you ease my worried mind? ♫

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It also appears to be smaller because girls are weak.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    She died on he way to her home planet.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You gotta get to the movies more often!
    Top Ten? Jeebus!

  • omitted

    We’re all bunch of sick fucks.

  • Like Icare

    It reeks of death and disease.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Do you SEE what you started with you whole “Top Ten” bullsh!?!?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    But your business card has no embossing.

  • Like Icare

    Hit it Johnny!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten.”

  • Like Icare

    It’s stylistically designed to be that way.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *the retirement home
    I fixed it for you.

  • Like Icare

    They’re gonna 3D model then digitally reverse the template to underage it according to available photographic heuristics and historical data samples of target subjects.

    It’s gonna be great.

  • vspngs

    Next Terminator should star Fuckbot as evil robot and Arnold as a corpse

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    On fire!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The woman saves the dude?

  • Like Icare

    That’s racist.

  • tOmy`

    My list doesn’t look very similar… unless we are doing sci-fi / action stuff only.

  • Like Icare

    http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTQwNDU0MzM3NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTMyNTg2Mw@@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

    The one in the middle wrote it.
    She is also a unionist commie pinko striker who hates capitalism, democracy and America.

    And a Greek. And we know how lazy they are.

  • tOmy`
  • Domo

    Coke bottle glasses are sexy!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It can be two things.

  • Like Icare

    It’s because coke bottles are curvy.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’ve made a solemn oath never to watch this Ghostbusters movie, but the only thing I didn’t want at all was them reusing a ’59 Cadillac as the Ecto-1. I’m no car expert, but this might be a Cadillac too, only from the late 70s or early 80s. That’s ok. Ugly, boxy design from that era. No wings, no round headlights, over sized logo on the door with a weird like crossing the logo. Looks awful. The real Ecto-1 is iconic. This is a piece of shit. I’m happy.

  • Sully

    Maybe to brown square monsters, but to foxes? We have higher standards… and all of those standards revolve around titties.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    It’s sooo quiet. Andrew must be cuddling Layla. tOmy must be analyzing The Chemical Brothers note-by-note. Palpy’s doing evil. omi’s plotting something which might or might not involve Jay (I’m no snitch).
    What’s the rest of yawse excuses?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    bullshit and that’s a fact. screaming like a little bitch every 30 seconds/random cursing while playing some dogshit indie horror games that is a slender ripoff takes zero fucking effort. the only lets player’s I’ve ever seen that seem to actually care about their product and don’t pander to mouth breathing kids are Two Best Friends Play.

  • Palpatine

    Never mind us, what are you up to?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    5’11”
    As you probably know, when you age you begin to lose height. Not quite as quickly as your sex drive but noticeably.

  • [Insert Rich Evans as Caitlyn Jenner pic]
    That better for you?

  • Palpatine

    Is Jay not deleting the spambots comments because of thier bewbs?

  • That makes my panda sag.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Bad wi-fi connection in the afterlife.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Both?

  • Tuesday.

  • Tekkee hyvvee!

  • Palpatine

    Yes. This.

  • Because fuck you, original Ghostbusters.

  • Palpatine

    Fuck off, ghost!

  • Try reaching Whoopi Goldberg, she might help you.

  • I’m trying my hardest to fail tomorrow’s exam. I think I know less than I knew 2 weeks ago. Fuck this shit.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I always told myself, “If you don’t know it by now, you’re not going to know it.”

    Of course, I was no sumo cum louder.

  • tOmy`

    Did you try to travel to your home planet?

  • tOmy`

    It’s not out yet :<

  • tOmy`

    They are also very sweet. As in 20 spoons of sugar sweet.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I was outside playing with my friends.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I scrolled (way) down and did not find the boobs I was looking for.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Looks like I’m gonna be doing omi’s job today…

    *scrotum-ed (way) down*
    Fixed it for ya.

  • Dyabeetus in my veins.

  • Looks like you got shafted.

    Am I doing it right guys?

  • tOmy`

    20 more hours till the gates of Pohoda Festival open! I am already being a hyperactive cheerleader.

    #buzzzzz

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I was reading a comic book that had anthropomorphic animal sex in it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Spoons is also what makes it so intimate.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dirty!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♫ A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down,
    The medicine go down,
    The medicine go do-ow-own,
    In the most delightful way. ♫

    Cocaine’s a helluva drug.

  • Like Icare

    I had to explain someone on the internet that they are wrong about China.

    Fuck off! It’s MY goddamn life I’m wasting.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Or read like “I’ll be balk,” in which case the batter can take first base?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Well, all that was shown was some roe and pig bewbs. The rest was tastefully left for the imagination.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Honest, officer. It’s not animal porn. It’s art!”
    END SCENE

  • WrongWithYourFace

    To be fair, it really isn’t animal porn, even if it is porn. And I’m not talking about that comic book right now.

  • Domo

    So what you’re saying is the spambots need to be more Jay Omitted friendly. I’ll let Sara and Layla know.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You have a way to contact them??

  • Domo

    It’s a special online school where spambots hone their craft.

    They learn to take galvanizing selfies,
    write very rousing HTML code,
    and take the most basic of marketing lingo and ELECTRIFY them!

  • Angelo

    So I just saw Terminator 5 and the movie commits the greatest sin ever: its BORING.
    It doesn’t matter that it’s almost non stop action because the action itself is boring.
    As everyone has said it just brings nothing new to the table. You’ve already seen this movie before you’ve seen it.
    Also I didn’t find the time-travel thingy as confusing as everyone says it is. That doesn’t mean its logical…

  • Angelo

    It’s not Bubs it just looks like him! DIE SKYNET YOU WON’T EXTERMINATE THE HUMAN RACE

  • Like Icare

    You need to hit him with a magnet.

  • Angelo

    Nothing beats a “quantum field generator” to get rid of Skynet. And alternatively to develop “time travel”. What is Google doing exactly in its reasearch labs?

  • Say what you will about Salvation, but at least that movie tried to tell a different story than the rest of the franchise. Some might say it wasn’t a GOOD story, but it wasn’t “Skynet sends a robot into the past to kill a Conner” for the umpteenth time.

  • Seems like Jay terminated Layla. Good riddens!

    #heartache

  • Angelo

    I still see her.
    Maybe she’s from the future?

  • She’ll problably dissappear when you reload the page.

  • Well, back to Second Life.

  • instant relief

    People still “play” that?

  • I don’t know. It was a joke.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJzShvt2dGw

  • Angelo

    T5 starts well because it shows a glimpse of FUTURE WAR which looks gloriously silly.
    But they needed to insert Schwarzenegger into the story so its save Sarah Connor / John Connor / Kyle Reese / Whatever again…

  • instant relief

    Then why didn’t I laugh?

  • Angelo

    Don’t judge what you don’t know. I’ve had the best experiences of my life in there, sex notably.

  • instant relief

    I had my best sexual experiences in the Goldshire inn.

  • You can have marriage and divorce too. Too bad, the alimony is real.

  • Angelo

    I don’t know if I have to thank you or flag you for showing us this.

  • Angelo

    THE FUTURE IS RIGHT NOW
    (ten points for who knows that movie reference without googling it)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Chex™ Mix has 60% less fat than regular potato chips and somehow is also 60% less delicious. Is fat 100% of the flavor of regular potato chips?
    #Algebra

  • Angelo

    Ok I googled it.
    I don’t want to know how you know about this.

  • TapewormBike

    I’ll be hack

  • Like Icare

    Nobody knows. They are keeping all their stuff in complete darkness cause they don’t want anyone to see it.
    http://www.wired.com/2012/03/google-miner-helmet/
    I’m not saying that they are training cats to operate their servers… but they could be training cats to operate their servers.
    http://arenas.cc/images/cat_server.jpg

    Or they figured out that they could save X$ per year on electricity and cooling costs by not running lights inside giant big warehouses with nothing to see but huge boxes of electronics with blinking LEDs on them.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Hurry, soldier!”

  • instant relief

    …but we all had so much fun. *removes all items and dances on a table*

  • Angelo

    Glorious.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • TapewormBike

    OK, I step out for a moment and you guys get some Layla to entertain you? You buncha whores.

  • tOmy`

    U like?

  • Doucheteeth

    I thought this was a direct to video movie?

  • TapewormBike

    I just read her name in couple of comments. But I am into spam. Carnally.

  • Like Icare

    Fat enhances flavor because fat means energy which means tasty food.
    Animals like eating fat.

  • tOmy`

    This is amazing.

  • TapewormBike

    Fun fact, it’s actually a sequel to Bambi 2.

  • Angelo

    I wouldn’t mind them working on time travel though. I want to see some real dinosaurs before I die.

  • tOmy`

    Who the fuck is Algerba? And can I trust her?

  • Angelo

    Better than the actual movie.

  • TapewormBike

    As is agressive colon cancer

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, see if you can solve this one…
    Kettle-cooked potato chips also have 60% less fat than regular potato chips, just like Chex™ Mix. If pretzels leave the station 150 miles from Topeka, traveling 74 miles per hour, how much volume will they retain upon arrival in Chicago? And please express your answer in terms of percentage of fat relative to regular potato chips.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *Anally

  • tOmy`

    The only “direct” thing about this is the trajectory of the vomit-projectile hitting the screen.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Friend of Layla’s.

  • TapewormBike

    Algebrah is the chillest.

  • Angelo

    How do you know you are not yourself a spam? You know, like a cylon who doesn’t know he is a cylon?

  • Or a Terminator that doesn’t know it’s a Terminator?

  • Like Icare
  • tOmy`

    Or a director that doesn’t know he is not a director?

  • TapewormBike

    Does not compute, does not compute!

    I am of course talking about me making that joke.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Or a dinosaur that doesn’t know cuttlefish aren’t that scary?

  • Angelo

    Kyle emits the hypothesis but such thing has not been proven to exist yet if I’m not mistaken.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And a cousin of Abandon’s.

  • Like Icare

    Yes.

  • bruce wayne

    So I’m confused Bubs, are you a prostitute? A black market baby sales person, or just cray cray?

  • TapewormBike

    Bubs lives in New Zealand, that’s all they have in there.

  • Angelo

    Names! Names!

  • Like Icare

    You mean like Kate Upton? She was projectiled inside Vomit Kermit.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rWrUAlKZBo

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’ll be back to turd life. Wait… I’m already living it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    All of them.

  • Angelo

    If they make Nicolas Cage the next Terminator, everything will be forgiven.

  • iamtravis182

    Grant Morrison is polarizing. I get that. But no love for Scott Snyder? What’s your gripe?

  • It’s cyberbullying but it’s still funny.

  • Id watch that. It’s actually not a bad idea. Mr Cages funny acting would do it good.

  • TapewormBike

    You kids have fun, I am off to go play with myself outside. I meant, off to out myself. I meant, to play with kids, myself.

    LOL, sorry

    I’ll off myself.

  • Brack to the Future

    I’ve been watching his Left Behind movie on Netflix pretty much non-stop for the last few days. Curt Cameron can fucking suck it.

  • instant relief

    Have masturbating in the park.

  • Brack to the Future

    I’ll be… Back! But my seed could find no purchase, Sarah.

  • Uncle Dan

    Those James Cameron interview shots are jarring. You’d think the man is rich enough now that he doesn’t have to sell out to this stuff.

  • Angelo

    Good-bad or bad-bad?

  • instant relief

    But he was starting to recognize things.

  • Brack to the Future

    Val Resnick: “It’s not enough.”
    Porter: “It never is, Val.”

  • Or maybe he liked it and it just proves he has no taste. I mean, he hasn’t made anything watchable since Terminator 2.

  • TapewormBike

    OK, before I go – I was sayiyng how bad of a sign it was that he endorsed this one and now I feel fully vindicated. Also, he looks sorta..cancery.

  • Brack to the Future

    Horrible bad. I’ve been using it as my audition material for the new MST3K series.

  • Uncle Dan

    True, but being the somewhat deserved egomaniac that he is, you’d think he’d think himself better than this.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You just got here!

  • Brack to the Future

    I said AIDS-y yesterday and now my wife won’t speak to me. Suffer the little Camerons.

  • Domo

    That’s the problem with egomaniacs, though. They never know they’re egomaniacs.

  • TapewormBike

    Love calls, Pa

    Or is that nature? I fucking told her not to call me afer five o’clock.

  • iamtravis182

    Incase you needed proof of this (like I did).
    https://goo.gl/photos/JQjC1EE6f2cgv5iy7

  • They’re just like cylons that don’t know they’re cylons. Or terminators that don’t know they’re terminators… wait… I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.

  • Angelo

    He hasn’t made that many movies.
    Titanic might not be a perfect movie but it’s a fucking great technical achievement.

  • TapewormBike

    I mean, he does. Is your wife AIDSist?!

  • TapewormBike

    He has so much ego, it tells him that he is.

  • Like Icare
  • Brack to the Future

    No I’m just an asshole. I think she’s a MEist.

  • Unfortunately, that can be said of all his movies.

  • instant relief

    Hey, baby, wanna /dance on my green, orcish shaft behind the auction house?

  • Angelo

    Well I respect that a lot. When you see what he was able to do on Aliens with the budget and means he had…

  • Uncle Dan

    Well the earlier ones told good stories while also being technical achievements. Now they seem like they’re just going to be mostly technical achievements…

    Which doesn’t mean he has to like this movie, though.

  • TapewormBike

    Stop being interesting you assholes. See ya.

  • Brack to the Future

    What about The Abyss? We got to see Ed Oneill with a blue hand and Mary Stuart Mastrontonio with her titties out. Plus, bonus Michael Biehn!

    Michel Biehn forever!

  • Domo

    I could see throw pillows with James Cameron’s face on them scattered around his home, ala Paris Hilton style, and him not thinking anything of it because it really is the best way to smarten up a room.

  • Angelo

    It’s before T2.
    He also made True Lies that I’ve heard about but never seen.

  • It had Tom Arnold and Arnold in it. Make of that what you will.

  • TapewormBike

    I could also see his face with darts in it all over Kathryn Bigelow’s place. Why am I still here.

  • Brack to the Future

    Wow, you’re right! 1989?

  • TapewormBike

    True Lies is OK. Sexist as fuck, but OK.

  • Domo

    Why haven’t you introduced your unborn nephew/niece to Star Wars yet?

    Start em young. Start em in the wombspace.

  • Angelo

    Sexist like Jurassic World?

  • Don’t forget about anal breathing.

  • TapewormBike

    I do plan to yell random quotes from the movies at my sister in law’s belly when the family gets together, to get everyone in good, non awkward mood.

  • Domo

    That’s definitely worse than saying “Don’t think about Polar bears fucking.”

  • Brack to the Future

    How can it be sexist? It has Jamie Lynn Kurtis, someone purportedly among the “classic” initials of LGBT. I think that’s very courageous for the time.

    I bet she smells like lavender.

  • TapewormBike

    I wouldn’t know. Bitches be bitches.

  • Domo

    Are we talking “Rachel Getting Married” awkward? Because take it from Anne Hathaway. She knows how to ruin a family reunion.

  • TapewormBike

    I’d take it from her any day of the week. Because she gives good advice.

  • Brack to the Future

    I bought this nice projector over the weekend after I shorted 12 Chinese stocks, and now I put movies on my barn roof for everyone in aeroplanes to see.

    I’m taking requests.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    *head
    (I’m substituting for omi today.)

  • TapewormBike

    I was talking about pegging, get with the program.

  • Domo

    Did you know it’s her fault Matthew McConaughey became an astronaut in Interstellar? I think it had something to do with her telling Chris Nolan how great Matt’s cobra codpiece was in Magic Mike.

    She’s an inspiration.

  • TapewormBike

    And the best Oscar host, let us not forget.

  • *dogging

  • bruce wayne

    Double feature, Airplane and Airport ’77!

  • Domo

    She can sing, dance, and almost make us forget about James Franco.

  • Domo

    *drugging

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Soul Plane if you wanna witness some suicides.

  • TapewormBike

    And the funniest one of those – United 93!

  • Angelo

    Snakes on a Plane. You can’t have enough Samuel L. Jackson.

  • TapewormBike

    But he still was cuter in that dress.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Montana?

  • bruce wayne

    Awww, nooo, too soon.

  • TapewormBike

    It is it?

  • Nah.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    James Franco should hosted the oscars as his greatest character Alien.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTt-2H5SntE

  • TapewormBike

    I still have to watch that, I don’t feel icky enough lately

  • He should have co-hosted it with his life long partner. http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17bjjbg5qeu34png/original.png

  • Angelo

    Put that in the Hole!

  • Is it not hot enough outside? Remember to bring some hand cream.

  • Uncle Dan

    I haven’t seen Air Force One since not long after it came out. A good a time as any to see if it holds up.

  • Domo

    We need a montage of flight crashes from The Grey, Fight Club, Cast Away, Alive, and Con Air. Maybe some personal footage from Harrison Ford’s crash, also.

  • TapewormBike

    ..,motherfucker!

  • Brack to the Future

    Does anybody have a comment from Robert Patrick? Getting replaced in 2015 by a Kia? That motherfucker probably has WiFi, cupholders AND airbags.

  • Like Icare

    Aw shit… Disney means business now!
    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/walt-disney-world-resort-removes-bust-bill-cosby-article-1.2285068

    This is what happens when you meet a stranger in the Alps and feed her some quaaludes.
    You get busted!

    Getit? Huh? Getit? It’s cause they removed his bust…

  • TapewormBike

    Actually, we had storms like fuck in the night and now a cool breeze. We are better is what I’m saying.

  • Domo

    Were your parents on that flight? I thought they were killed by a mugger.

  • bruce wayne

    Nah, Iz just yoking.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I actually liked Spring Breakers. It’s like an MTV version of an avant garde film. It’s bizzare,hyptonic and unapologetically trashy.

  • Like Icare