F*uck You, It’s January! (2015)

January 10, 20155,627 Comments

It’s that magical time of year when Jay and Mike talk about the dumping ground that is January… and possibly more.


Filed in: Half in the Bag

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    F*uck? is this a new word? Like Fiuck or Fluck?

  • Jukebox_Jim

    Flucking A

  • playdude92 .

    Happy New Ye…uhhm…Nothing…Nothing new really. GET.FUCKing.USED.TO.IT. Hahah- haaaahahhaha- haha- haaaaaaaaaaaaa – beeeeeeeeeep

  • Cakefarts

    Yay! And next month is Helluary!!

  • diehounderdoggen

    Was that a shot of the I-94 pileup? How about you stop exploiting disasters for entertainment purposes, huh? I went through all the trouble of establishing and organizing “Diehounderdoggen’s Automobile Shock-Art Extravaganza 2015” and nobody even mentioned its artistic merits or showed up to my press conference at Denny’s. What a disaster!

  • haha, its funny because its true.

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    I love fucking Star Wars, and I also want to see the movie too.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Fuck you Ed Helms. Fuck you so hard.

  • phillysportsfan

    I think my magic box is broken because sometimes jay was frozen, but mike was ok. can you fix it?

  • Kyl

    Godammit, Jay. Hold it together!

  • KonradZell

    I keep saying “Fuck you, it’s January” to people. RLM needs to get bigger so they don’t think I’m being so much of an asshole with this reference.

  • No one mentioned Chappie, which by the looks of it is a Short Circuit remake

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Tak3n: Taken Harder – The Belle Knox Story!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    But you are being an asshole with this reference. A magical asshole with empty beer bottle-throwing powers!

  • dunesen

    And with this we don’t need a Half in the Bag this month. I got my ‘Fuck you, it’s January’ fix.

  • Jack Dalton

    I demand “Fuck You, It’s January! (2015) 2: The Fuckening”

  • Booger

    Wait, now he’s fucking it? I thought it simulated his penis? Continuity ruined.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I was actually excited to see Cinderella, if for no other reason than to see Helena Bonham Carter in Fairy Godmother Couture. Then, I saw Maleficent. I was so angry at how they turned the most awesome evil chick in Fairy Tales into some mediocre character that I swore off Disney Re-tellings henceforth.

    I never understood the hate for remakes so much until it happened to one of my favorite stories from childhood, and it was so mercilessly slaughtered as to be unrecognizable.

    It’s just so depressing that your nostalgia can be manipulated so easily with the use of greed and an empty imagination.

  • Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi

    Because it’s Fuck You it’s January, i can go and make fun of the idiots anticipating Jupiter’s Ascending!

    Fuck that movie and that shitty trailer.

  • KonradZell

    I think I hear Mike cracking up after Jay’s “Paul Blart Mall Blart 2” comment.

  • The Ghost

    Ants-a-Poppin’. Marvel won’t get another dollar from me if that doesn’t happen.

  • Ricky

    I got depressed just by the first 3 seconds of the video. Gee, thanks.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Yep.

  • Drhill

    USA seems to be doing all the remakes / sequels. Outside the U.S. you still get original ideas / movies

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If this year is really going to be this bad, can we come up with a 12 month Fuck You Calendar, with a different slogan for each month? It’s the only way I’m gonna make it through this year, movie wise.

  • ArtCarnosaur

    Yay. Endless sequels and remakes.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNW-qxl8uHc

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    Jay is fucking with his brain medicine.

  • Epifanes

    Sequels, remakes and a billion superhero movies. Rejoice.

  • Mr. R

    Beautiful.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    that asshole almost ruined the U.S. version of The Office!

  • Andrew St. Clair

    Yeah… like REC 4.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Motherflucker.

  • Dolfanar

    You know, 2014 was actually a damn good year for movies if you ignored Transformers and Spiderman (which I finally wised up and didn’t see). Yeah 2015 looks like a dumping ground of crap, but personally I think they made this video for the sole reason of getting Rich to jerk his droid off on camera again… so I approve!

  • omitted

    Jay, I have something else you can put in your mouth to forget all those terrible movies.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Funny thing is people praise Marvel for planning out their movies 20 years ahead.At this rate they should think about becoming an official religion.

    #fuckfanboys

  • Mike B

    I can’t wait for 2015…

    I’m sure it’ll be as amazing as the amazing spidermn.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Hey, does this mean we’re gonna get a shitzillion BOTW episodes instead of HiTB?

    If so, thanks Hollywood!

  • Netami

    Thanks for making me cry!

  • EverybodyLies

    This will be the best video production I’ll be seeing this January…

  • I Shot J.R

    I suffer from chronic depression.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    F*uck yes!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    But who will be the Pope? Stan Lee or Screech? I have to know these things before I sign up.

  • Admiral Bone-to-Pick

    Thank you RLM. Comedy gold as always.

  • im in love with jay

    i love how well jay edited this

  • Mr. R

    I’ll have to talk to you about that later, I’m going to do an interview for the television

  • James McKenzie

    Fuck children, fuck the elderly, fuck families, fuck everyone!

  • omitted

    I squealed when Jay made that rainbow.

  • Uncle Dan

    I suspect Mike edited this. It’s crazy enough to be Mike.

  • Adzl33t

    Mad Max 4 could be great

  • This year is so bad, I see no reason to even finish this comment in the talk…

    BLAM

  • Derrick Cryderman

    Who didnt jackoff an astromech droid like it was their dick when they heard that a mediocre starwars movie was coming that would only continue to disappoint an audience that cannot, and does not deserve to be catered to, due to their unrealistically high expectations?

  • I think Awesome is a better word.

  • Call it brain damage, but I hold out hope for Jupiter Ascending despite all the red flags.

  • Adzl33t

    You just hate transgender people

  • Adzl33t

    I heard Kingsman is great

  • I’m also disappointed to find out that Selma is not a Selma Hayek biopic. I’m a fan of her boobs.

  • Toffoli_73

    Are you placing yourself in that audience since it’s already mediocre in your eyes?

  • omitted

    It’s Magic Mike XXL, you hack frauds!

    UNSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBSCRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBE!

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    They are already up to 30 of those damn films!?

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Thumbs down!

  • Som

    I may have wet myself watching that

  • There’s some great Tim & Erician editing in this.

  • omitted

    I’m putting all of my eggs in your basket, Jay.

  • I did that on the way to the mall this morning!

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    Raid 2, Host 2

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Hollywood is dead. Long live Hollywood.

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    Descent into madness.

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    Quick Cuts: Inherent Vice!

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    It looks like an SNL parody.

  • Masturbating to Star Wars no longer carries any excitement. Must be getting old.

  • Anders Hass

    but the point of fuck you it is january is no good movies come out, there must be some few good movies that will come out this year, right, right?

  • Studio Executive

    If you don’t like them, I’m sure they’ll be profitable in the international market.

  • Somebody gif that, please.

  • Studio Executive

    The best way to say “thanks” is to buy a movie ticket, preferably on opening weekend.

  • Like Icare
  • Ugly fluckling.

  • You must be Roman.

  • On his first day at the Police Academy, Cadet Jones was taken to one side by his instructor:

    “Son, do you know what happens to police with your surname?”

    Jone’s shook his head.

    “They work in traffic. They enter into tepid, sexless marriages with dreary women called Martha.”

    The following day Jones changed his surname to MacNeill. He was assigned a beat with the Zoo Police. On his first week he shot a rhino in the face. The rhino had been dealing crack cocaine to visiting coach parties of school children. The investigating authorities ruled that it was a clean shoot.

    One fateful night in January 2015, MacNeill met a man called Jay.

    Jay had come into possession of an ancient demonic tome that enabled him to trap the souls of animals in items of clothing. He had used the book to imprison a pair of racoons in a sweater. Caught in this two-dimensional purgatory the trapped animals were conscious of their surroundings but unable to move or react. Jay liked to put on the sweater and watch both ‘Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants’ movies or his complete Charmed DVD box set. The racoons prayed to their forest god for death but they could not die.

    In 2008, Jay had attended a march for tolerance in his home town, where he had absorbed an usually high dose of Gay Pride. This had left him with the ability to conjure rainbows from thin air. Anyone who saw the rainbows felt compelled to hold hands with the nearest person. In the confusion Jay would rob them.

    One night as Jay was robbing a party of Polish tourists on a Lynyrd Skynyrd walking tour, MacNeill drew his weapon and, following a brief stand-off, shot him twice in the chest.

    Investigators on the scene commented on the unusual placement of the bullets and asked for an explanation.

    “I was aiming for the racoons on his sweater.”

    “For the record officer, would you point out to us the racoons.”

    MacNeill wandered over to the corpse.The black sweater was soaked in blood. The racoons had vanished.

    Stepping back into the shadows he assumed the contended smile of someone who has killed a man and saved the souls of two innocent racoons. Life was good.

  • It’s so dense. There’s just so much going on in every paragraph.

  • stoopsmcoops

    The wachowskis are a red flag themselves. But I still somehow find myself liking everything they make on some level.

  • Studio Executive

    Anything is possible, you should buy a ticket and find out!

  • I’d like to think my tastes have improved with age, but a couple years ago I went back to watch the Matrix sequels, having already hated them the first time around… and I found myself enjoying them. Maybe it’s going in with no expectations (that’s how I enjoyed ASM2 and the NuTrek movies), but I just enjoyed it.

    V for Vendetta is not only in my top 5 favorite movies, it’s also my politics and my religion, and despite the ridiculous knife fight sequence near the end, I continue to love and cherish it. Despite Natalie Portman’s ‘accent’.

    I have – and intend to – never watched Speed racer.

  • Like Icare
  • Studio Executive

    God bless America!

  • eddyk

    Bork in the Frain.

  • Well… I do now.

  • Studio Executive

    It’s gonna be big! Matrix 3 big!!! Go buy some tickets.

  • You mean like Texas?

  • David Martin

    Are yo one of those Americans who blame foreign markets on your own movies sucking? How’s that working out for you?

  • Like Icare

    A better question would be which movie will end up being the one with the distinction of being dedicated to the “loving memory of Stan Lee”.

    We got the list, all we need is a betting pool.

  • Thanatos2k

    Jesus christ if you sent me a list of those movies and said they were coming out this year I’d have thought it was a joke.

  • Like Icare

    In an astromech droid sense?

  • Uncle Sporkums

    You forgot “Excelsior!”

  • Me too. It’s shocking and painful.

  • Thanatos2k

    Jay laughed so much his frame froze.

  • TekJansen

    This is the most fucked up video I’ve seen in a long time. Thank you!

  • Billy_Whizz

    It is very hard for me to have sympathy for people when they complain about the amount of Marvel movies. As a child, I had to keep my little comic reading niche hobby a secret from my peers lest I be called a geek or ‘gay’. Sometimes people would look upon you as a simpleton of sorts for reading Spider-Man at age 14. I was forced to try and get interested in football instead.

    In early adulthood, I had to endure constant chatter about reality shows, Pop Idol and the like. Other people’s interests were thrust upon me. They loved it and I had to remain tolerant. It was hard.

    Nowadays, the movie theatres are over saturated with the superhero and boy does that give me a feeling of satisfaction. People now have to go along with what I like! It’s perfect revenge and I only wish it was me who started the whole thing off.

  • Ogrot

    Is Jay wearing the Raccoon t-shirt because it no longer fits Rich Evans?

  • Miguel Angel Teran

    sweet baby Jesus! A new video! Yaaay!!

  • Billy_Whizz

    I don’t think the Guardians of the Galaxy remake is coming out. That’s next year.

  • Thanatos2k

    The Awesome Spiderman?

  • Thanatos2k

    Yes, it just means the BOTW episodes will FEATURE movies from this year.

  • Like Icare

    Liam Nielsen thought that light-sabres were magical swords, working on will power, before he was chosen to play Qui-Gon Jinn.
    IIRC his comment was something like “Oh… It’s a button.”

  • Manioc

    I knew that ending was cumming, but I just couldn’t look away.

  • Like Icare

    Haven’t you heard? It got rebooted.

    Now it’s called “Fuck you, it’s year!!!”

  • Thanatos2k

    Who?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    not as often as you might think

  • Thanatos2k

    The problem is, the things you like have been ruined by mainstreaming. So you instead get flooded with bastardized versions of what you like, which is the worst fate imaginable.

    Same is happening with video games and casual mobile garbage. You said you play video games but DON’T play Candy Crush? WHY NOT?

  • Thanatos2k

    I am very happy however that 3D movies fucking failed. Now the biggest screen at the local theater is no longer reserved solely for the 3D version of the big movie and they show the 2D versions there instead. Thank god.

  • Studio Executive

    “Blame?!” You must be joking! I love the foreign markets! Transformers: Age of Extinction made over $1 Billion!

  • Billy_Whizz

    Well I’m not being 100% serious. I’m only really interested in the MCU, because these films entertain me for the most part. I enjoyed the last X Men too. I can take or leave the rest.

  • Studio Executive

    Wherever! As long as they give me their money, I don’t care where they live!

  • Like Icare

    Segway! Getit?! No?!

    Well… makers of that movie think that just showing Kevins James on a SegwayTM is like a joke. A funny thing. Like… a joke.
    But I repeat myself. Just like the trailer for Malt Blart Too.
    Which also repeats his performance in Zoo Cop.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_ld3IJ0sUU

  • jason

    That was fucking awesome!!!

  • Crixxxx

    Boyhood 2: Where Mason ekes out a living photographing weddings and bar mitzvahs and everyone continues to chew him out for not living up to his potential.

  • Palpatine
  • Drain

    I’m no more excited for any movies this year than these guys are. Hollywood is out of gas. It’s all just remakes and sequels now. If you look at the “direct to video” releases however, you can actually find a lot of good movies, just with budgets too low to buy their way into theaters. Theaters are all about budget sizes now, not actual writing or entertainment, unless you’re a popcorn cow that claps like a baby at the jump scares or special effects, which I’m not.

    Video games haven’t been very good either. 2014 was a completely miserable year for video games.

  • Studio Executive

    I didn’t read the whole thing, but if we can get Sandler involved I’m greenlighting this!

  • Like Icare

    It’s Fruck. It’s a Star Wars character.
    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Fruck

  • Joshua Marchant

    I how to count in Roman Numerals.

    But the Romans didn’t.

  • The Summer of George

    Even Rich Evans jacking his droid is a sequel!!

  • omitted

    It made a part of me also rigid.

  • Drain

    They’re making a mockery of your super heroes and pillaging them for profit, especially with movie licensed video games. I don’t know how you can be satisfied about this. But Batman did get 3 decent movies, at least.

  • Like Icare

    Yeah, but that one is not coming out until 2026.

  • Drain

    Most of it wasn’t a joke. That’s basically the lineup for Hollywood these days.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    “Hey Niko, want to go bowling?”

    Video game jokes
    I love ’em!

  • Joshua Marchant

    Mike needs to laugh more.

  • Like Icare

    Tim and Eric? Legendary outlaws? Guys?

  • The Narrator

    Speed Racer is fantastic, and so is Cloud Atlas. Don’t listen to most of the population.

  • Billy_Whizz

    I’m satisfied with Marvel Studios because they are making decent blockbusters. Getting the blockbuster right is a difficult thing by itself. Bar the X Men Days of Future Past movie and the DK trilogy, I haven’t been too keen on the third party studio

  • SkaMP

    Oh, Rich you’re the greatest xD

  • Like Icare

    Actually, I thought of putting that in but I wasn’t sure where to put it so…

    I know, I know… “Right in the pussy”.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    What a bunch of A-holes.

  • CynicalOptimist22 .

    I’ve never been so depressed and tickled at the same time… Well played you hack frauds. Well played.

  • Like Icare

    It’s the same video, just with the two hack frauds next to him.

  • JOnn

    I recognize that raccoon sweatshirt from one of my favorite 48 hour films…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    They are really Milking that wanking with a droid joke…. yeah i got nothing…

  • Magnus R

    That was actually a sneaky reference to the comedy bang bang best of 2014 podcast

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    3D has a place. just not in every movie. just to take my 2 least favorite James Cameron movies as an example. Avatar is a good movie to 3D its all about the visuals baby, but Titanic 3D would be stupid and distracting, unlike in 2D where its just stupid.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Nah, don’t worry about it. I admire your restraint

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    The Plinkett prophecy came true! They tried to market Fast and Furious to the same people. Plinkett you fuck, tell me the lotto numbers!

  • I can’t wait for “antman: ants a poppin'”

  • How could they afford that rainbow and raincloud cgi? It looks way to expensive.

  • tjp77

    You’re a geek. And gay.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i just cant get into Tim & Eric. American Surrealism just dont work. it vears from Cirque du Soleil Pretentious to Jays remix of Ishtar Annoying Noises.
    Americans are great comedians and a very funny people but stay away from Surrealism and Irony!

  • Like Icare

    Is that a Sean Penn joke?

    Talking about nothing, he used to be married to Madonna AND the Princess Bride.
    Now he’s married to his 2 Oscars.
    While his movies keep killing off stupid people.
    http://edition.cnn.com/2013/08/27/us/into-the-wild-missing-teen/

  • ronin122

    I’d buy it if these hack frauds would make such a calendar, but I think it’d be difficult to get approved licensing of the movie posters for such a stunt.

  • tjp77

    Hey assholes, when are we getting another Plinkett review? Do the Watchmen. Hack Snyder can suck my dick. He’s the fucking M. Night Shyamalan of superhero movies.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    patreon muney

  • Like Icare

    Patreon money and Nazi gold.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    eh man of steel and sucker punch are way more offensive.

  • tjp77

    Yes they were. But Watchmen was sad because it was so much squandered potential.

    Superman will be rebooted another hundred times. Sucker Punch was just bizarre. But Watchmen… man, there was so much opportunity to do something great, and they’re never going to try again.

  • Bahareh Khosravi

    I thought they were doing Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

  • Like Icare

    It’s not just a good idea – it’s an order.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh TSHIIIIII~
    *rolls around merrily in all that January swill*

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    “You want some of this muna for breakfast, baby?”

    “Oh Hell ya! How could i possibly say no to . . . oh, you meant eggs. Nevermind.”

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Skittles probably gave it to them as a reward for product placement.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    FYUCK YOU, IT’S YEAR!

    Loved this, but I wonder just how much of this sh!t the guys’ll cave on and end up recommending?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Is there a way I can actually pay them *not* to release these movies? Sell me a ticket that prevents a Short Circuit reboot. The studios still get to take our money but we’re spared seeing Russell Brand as Johnny 5.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nope. I got all the Skittles still in my dickhole.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    more than you’d expect but less than you’d hope

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you should really see a doctor.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ‘Cause it takes twelve years!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    3D has a place…but currently that place is FULL OF SKITTLES!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s either Bever Hills Chihuahua or Star Wars Epizode VII

    Win-Win in any case.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So, when the inevitable backlash hits, can I shove your head in a toilet?

    Cause that was awesome when we were brats, too!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No. I’m one of those Americans who blame foreign markets for still providing profit margins for our sucking movies.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nope. You’ve seen the list. Oh, I’m sure the Marvel zombies will love the genius that will be ANT-MAN, but FYUCK YOU, IT’S THEM.

    And, Star Wars Episode Seven…sheesh.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I kind of feel the same about Watchmen, but the director’s cut is a decent experience at least.
    Man of Steel is beyond saving unfortunately (although I still like the music and two scenes in it…).
    I think Mike needs to have strong feelings about a movie or an ironic fascination with something in order to bring himself to do a Plinkett review though. I can’t see it happening for any of these three films,

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That is funny!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You know a guy who worked on KINGSMAN?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Which one’s coming next?

  • atheistconservative

    I guess I’m a hipster Zack Snyder hater because I hated him back in the days of Dawn of the Dead. The guy is a strict by-the-book film school graduate, unimaginative and with a bizarre egotistical need to constantly stop his films to play you part of his also completely unremarkable record collection. Hey, check me out, I’m cool! I like Leonard Cohen! So much that I’ll play one of his depressing, teen-angst songs over a completely unrelated scene in my movie!

  • Mike Magnum

    I hate to say it. But sometimes i think they are a little too cynical.

  • Billy_Whizz

    Sure, but that probably won’t happen till ‘The Wasp 3: Age of the Infinity Gauntlets’ in 2032.

    Or possibly Batman vs Superman in 2016. :-/

  • atheistconservative

    What do you expect when the world’s top culture decides to fall victim to disillusioned aging hippie ramblings and decides to commit suicide? We have no stories to tell, so we tell no stories.

    Mark Steyn nailed it: Hollywood spent the early part of the 2000’s making a complex CGI playground and removing all significance and content from its production line. This is how you can have a movie about a federal marshal stopping a hijacking, and the bad guy is a white American who is trying to frame a Muslim because he’s mad that other white Americans didn’t stop other Muslims from attacking his country, or something.

    Media is dead because Western culture is dead.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Fellate Me, It’s February
    Munch On This, March
    April Fool’s A Poppin’
    May I Have Another Poke in the Eye?
    Junk in June
    July About Any Good Movies Comin’ Out This Month
    Aw, Gust My Galls!
    Septic September
    Onery October
    November
    and
    Gay Musicals for Richmas!

  • atheistconservative

    3D made Gravity a fun movie.

    I am amazed when anybody tells me they think Avatar looks good. It looked fake and cartoony when it came out 6 years ago, and just looks worse every year.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Right? All that Bollywood cutting edge stuff.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ‘Murica!

  • atheistconservative

    The ironic thing is, you’ve shown exactly why this is stupid. It isn’t about telling good stories nobody was reading. It isn’t about expanding the catalog of story-types we can tell. No, it’s gay geek revenge. It’s your turn at the top of the pedestal nodding along to shit that meets your prerequisites of feeling smug about yourself.

    We were supposed to learn how to be grown-ups, not just wait for our chance to be the top bully.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Because, reasons.

  • Billy_Whizz

    They need to be really. It serves as a counterpoint to the over excited ‘everything is awesome’ mentality of the other internet video bloggers (or whatever the kids call them). At least that’s how I see it.

  • Big Mclargehuge

    “Hey man, FUCK YOU…

    *goes grocery shopping*
    *completes jigsaw*
    *trains for local marathon*
    *attands blue man group concert*

    IT’S JANUARY! ”

    “What are you talking about?! It’s Easter! Please stop pointing that gun at my wife!”

  • pete smith

    Im sure he is mixing up the international market and urban market. you know. those ppl who stole plinkets television

  • pete smith

    Im sure he is mixing up the international market and urban market. you know. those ppl who stole plinkets television

  • Billy_Whizz

    I think that some people are taking my rather in jest post a little more seriously than I anticipated…

  • Billy_Whizz

    I think that some people are taking my rather in jest post a little more seriously than I anticipated…

  • Big Mclargehuge

    I want to fuck more.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    He may have freeze-frame errors… but at least Jay always provides that reliable SD -> HD conversion, amiright?
    I’m making resolution upscaling jokes. Work with me here.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    He may have freeze-frame errors… but at least Jay always provides that reliable SD -> HD conversion, amiright?
    I’m making resolution upscaling jokes. Work with me here.

  • pete smith

    no. the art form once called cinema has died

  • pete smith

    no. the art form once called cinema has died

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s also exaggerated cynicism cuz comedy!

  • Palpatine

    I want a Short Circuit reboot starring Kurt Russell as Johnny 5.

  • Palpatine

    I want a Short Circuit reboot starring Kurt Russell as Johnny 5.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wah! I’mma white guy! People are finally hip to my sh!t! Wah! Wah!

    Yeah, buddy. The corporate fyucking of art was caused by hippies.

    Come on.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wah! I’mma white guy! People are finally hip to my sh!t! Wah! Wah!

    Yeah, buddy. The corporate fyucking of art was caused by hippies.

    Come on.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s hollywood.Someone will have another go at watchmen and you’ll wish Zack Snyder was still alive when that happens!

  • James McKenzie

    You ain’t getting no pizza roll.

  • James McKenzie

    You ain’t getting no pizza roll.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t bring Leonard Cohen into this. That’s just mean.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t bring Leonard Cohen into this. That’s just mean.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    SH!TAR

  • Boehm

    Happy Fuck you, it’s Year everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Isn’t Paul Walker still alive in a jar maintained by Denise Richards? Did I miss something?

  • Big Mclargehuge

    You said that’s how you liked your duck meat you asshole! I want a divorce

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So, you were really kidding about all that “I Love Marvel” bullsh?

    #SarcasmIsHardToReadOnTheWebzone

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Point it out on a map.

  • atheistconservative

    The ‘corporate fucking of art’ is a laughable idea. THERE IS NO ART TO FUCK. That is the problem. The ‘evil corporations’ you blame for everything just market what gets made.

    Art doesn’t get made by gender studies majors, or social justice warriors, or cancer awareness raisers, or any of the post-hippie nonsense we’ve all become. Art doesn’t get made in societies where our “higher learning” institutions have “speech codes” and “safe zones”, where kids fall on the fainting couch every time they hear an idea that sounds icky (not one with which they disagree, because disagreement requires comprehension).

    The hippies fucked Western culture. Shouldn’t be surprising, because that was their stated goal. The thing is, the goals of morons high on hallucinogens tend to be short-sighted, and we’re reaping the whirlwind.

  • Mr. R

    Watchmen will always be perfect, on the fucking comic page where it belongs. At least MOS works as an eye melting sci-fi spectacle and isn’t trying to reproduce actual quality of that kind.

  • James McKenzie

    He has sock puppet T-rex arms too, and he gets off on watching her strip tease him. Then she pours beer on his brain.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The hippies are gone, yet culture is fyucked anyway. Seems to me the Neo-Cons have had 40 years. What have they come up with?

    Yeah. Right.

  • I just have no interest in car movies, or movies based on old crappy looking cartoons (unless it’s a He-Man movie, then sign me up!). Cloud Atlas is on my list of to-watch, forgot they did that one too. I loved the trailer.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    My problem with the Year of Januarys. is the awful waste of money. they just pissed a trillion dollars up the wall. and the morons of the world will throw 2-3 trillion at them.
    we should start a # protest.
    Take a video of you flushing $20 down the toilet with the hashpound
    #ThereIs$20HollywoodsNotGETTING!fuckmovies.

  • atheistconservative

    Well I don’t think it’s just you that feels this way. People get validation out of the fact that their hobby is now popular, and a lot of them enjoy that so much that they don’t care if it’s done well or in a meaningful way. I know so many people who go see every comic book movie because as kids they wanted comic books to be popular. Doesn’t matter if it’s the same story over and over, doesn’t matter if it’s low-quality, if they’re cranked out like assembly line product: they get personal vindication out of the fact that something they read under the bed covers is now a major Hollywood movie.

    That’s fucked up.

    Cinephiles used to be attracted to an aspect of the movie process: they liked the direction, or the writing, or the acting, and they would aspire to create something just as amazing.

    Now we just want signposts. Copy and paste Iron Man and call it Thor. Quality be damned, it’s a Thor Movie and a million fans will stand in line and tell you how awesome it is.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    I want Stephen Hawking.

  • atheistconservative

    Oh dear. Someone who thought the Batman movies were good …

  • Big Mclargehuge

    He makes sets of music videos strung together by his own semen.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    You get that treaty signed and I’ll make some calls.

  • I love Marvel Studios. Not unconditionally, but in general. Even their worst movies I enjoyed watching… though they really tested my resolve with that first season of Agents of SHIELD.

  • Joe Syxpac

    “Baby Jesus is an asshole!”

  • Palpatine

    You phone up Ol’ Man Carpenter to direct, and I’ll talk to RJ Macready Kurt Russell.

  • Billy_Whizz

    Ah, I see. Nah I don’t go in for any of that myself. If it entertains me then I’ll call it a good film, but I won’t give it a pass on being a comic book movie/based on characters I love. Spider-Man has always been my favourite character, but I didn’t care much for The Amazing Spider-Man and have never been able to bring myself to watch the sequel.

  • He stole that from Madonna.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell
  • Mr. R

    The funny thing is Leslie Nielsen makes nothing but Taken movies now just under other titles.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’ve said it before, but I love the faceless avatar and the nickname. Perfect.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    If anyone can turn him it’s you, Palpy.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Take THAT, 9/11!

  • They’re still capable of fiction. Look at the Iraq War! Granted, that was a shameless cash grab sequel to the Gulf of Tonkin, but fiction nonetheless.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Why is it taking so long for someone to turn Mike’s laugh into a gif?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is this yet another homage to the comments?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I think they’re being cynical just to mock cynical audiences.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They’re already working on Prez Jeb Bush’s War on Norrea. Warrhea!

    They got a lot of nerve bitching about Hollywood sequels.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Too meta!

  • Percy Gryce

    And he’s dead.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Too soon?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That reminds me, Jay! Let’s not forget about the sequel to the Spongebob film coming in February! And let’s not forget the other cynical pile of shit cash grab coming in February Fifty Shades of Grey!

  • Hot tip: Hillary Clinton’s a producer on that one too.

    ~~Warren 2016 or I don’t vote this time.~~

  • Wizard Phoenix

    3D had a place. It’s done and over with, Andy.

  • Palpatine

    SpongeBob should have ended ten years ago.

  • Big Mclargehuge

    Paul Walker? More like, Paul Lie-Downer…cos he’s dead!

    What the fuck have you done to me RLM?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe
  • Cacktowl

    Love you guys!

    Only 24 more hours till new Previously Recorded stream!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    There’s a Jem movie!!!!? What?! Did someone watch the Josie and the Pussycats “””””success”””””, and said “I want me some of that non-money!” What’s next a Kidd Video movie?

  • Big Mclargehuge

    Fuck in the brain

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “How do you like your muna? Over easy?”

    “Um, one of those.”

  • Jean-François Martel

    Hey, i LOVED josie and the pussycat… when i was 8. It was an acting tour de force for Tara Reid… Remember the great Tara Reid?

  • Big Mclargehuge

    It’s truly outrageous. Truly truly truly outrageous.

  • diehounderdoggen

    I got Warrhea after eating a WWII era C-ration I found in a swamp.

  • Jean-François Martel

    it’s so dense!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    For some reason “Why are they chapters?” is the line that made me laugh the hardest.

  • Big Mclargehuge

    How many times does it have to change hands before it’s no longer Nazi gold?

    I’m asking…for a friend.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    For me it was “Paul Blart Mall Blart.”

    Blartier!

  • Jean-François Martel

    kinda like “Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare” in many ways).

    Zach Snyder should be forced to only be a cinematographer, fucker cannot tell a story. Like, I loved Legend of the Guardians but i read the books and they tell the story much better (and they are not complex books by any stretch of the imagination)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nazi cooties don’t rub off. Ahnold knows.

  • Big Mclargehuge

    Why would you want to? That’s some AAA moisture farming

  • Percy Gryce

    Rich Evans, it’s Hollywood that’s got the faulty motivator.

  • Flaw Filial

    When Mike pretended that he shot out the back of his throat, that was the best Roger Ebert post-cancer-treatment impression I’ve ever seen.
    AND HE’S DEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAD!

  • Big Mclargehuge

    Lucky bastard.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Too soon!

  • Percy Gryce

    The way Roger Ebert hung on, not soon enough.

  • Jean-François Martel

    i liked Dawn of the Dead but it’s only decent because he already had a basic story to work with even though it loses it’s social commentary, same thing with Legend of the Guardian, but this one works better bc the original work isn’t all that deep to begin with. Everything else, it just fails, to be a director you need to be able to tell a story visually and he’s unable to do that. he creates great visuals that make great music videos/trailers but nothing beyond that.

  • Big Mclargehuge

    I dunno. He’d already made 2001 A Space Travesty

  • Jean-François Martel

    expel the rainbow

  • Jean-François Martel

    Plus he’s a rapist

  • Wizard Phoenix

    There is always the possibility of film being good, even if it is a cash grab. Case in point I thought last summer would suck and all those films, except for the ones labeled Michael Bay, were pretty good. But there could be the possibility that they could all suck. Avengers Age of Spader could suck pure ass. I don’t know if it will so I’ll just wait to see for my self.

  • Jean-François Martel

    you have the perfect icon for this type of cynicism.

  • Jean-François Martel

    What movie is that!?!?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Isn’t the next Neill Blomkamp movie a Short Circuit reboot? Or is it just another District 9 remake, you know, after Elysium (which was also a District 9 remake, which itself was an adaptation of the short also called District 9).

  • Jean-François Martel

    At least the creator is coming back, so maybe it’ll be good the next few seasons.

  • maggit

    Fuck you, year.

  • Percy Gryce

    When I saw the Jay freeze frames while Mike was talking about making fun of dead celebrities, I thought it was a coded message that Jay was dead. You know like “the Walrus was Paul” or the backmasking on “Stairway to Heaven” or some such shit.

    I sure hope Jay didn’t freeze to death after drunkenly stumbling into the dead of a Milwaukee-and-greater-Waukesha-County-area winter night.

  • Jean-François Martel

    mmm

  • maggit

    Mike killed him when he heard Ishtar’s trailerfor the n-th time.

  • Jean-François Martel

    just one?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDD

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Quite right. Even District 9 was a an expansion of an earlier short subject of his.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    2015 might suck, but for 2016 we have will get a new Ghostbusters movie! Can’t wait!

  • Jean-François Martel

    Thumbs you!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    wow, that I didn’t know.

  • Jean-François Martel

    i want it to be good but goddamn those trailers look fucking corny! Also apparently wherever these aliens are from they are all white?

  • Who isn’t, these days?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    It just occurred to me – Blomkamp might be the ‘new’ M. Night Shamalyan. The future is fucked, regardless.

  • Jean-François Martel

    this cannot possibly disappoint anyone any more than the prequels. Right? J.J. can eat my stools but at least he is a Star Wars fan so hopefully this one will have some heart to it.

  • Jean-François Martel

    Prometheus could have been great too, but here we are.

  • Alex Lee

    She’s in such classic hits as…Sharknado…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So many questions. So little give-a-fyuck on my part.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    SARS could’ve been great. But it wasn’t.

    #InfectiousDiseaseHumor,Yay!

  • Jean-François Martel

    and having more than one movie with a non white main character. This is getting pretty pathetic at this point.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    THIS guy!

  • fred

    I stopped caring about Marvel halfway through the first Captain America. The rushed joke of a movie literally ended with a trailer for the Avengers. Each film is an advertisement for the next one.

    There’s really no sense of danger when you know your favorite characters have to live through five more bland installments.

  • Jean-François Martel

    Finally a smartie who votes with his money. you go bb Dolfanar

  • Drain

    And? You type this as if they weren’t good, or that someone thinking so is a bad thing.

  • Better than blue cat fuck toys. Ugh, I hate Avatar more than the SW prequels.

  • Jean-François Martel

    He’s fucking his brain medicine!? OH MY GAWWWHHHHHHHD!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Guess what FraudMojo picked for their number one film of 2014!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNPAWb2owHU

  • Cream-A-Thon

    High-Rise sounds promising but I say that about *anything* British. So. British.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    But wait…You do know that they’re gonna be okay every month, too, right? or are you the one guy who thought Bucky was gonna keep wearing Daddy’s uniform?

  • Jean-François Martel

    they have good ideas but i feel they should let other people direct, maybe that’s the problem, everything they do looks corny as fuck.

  • Jean-François Martel

    you speak for yourself buddy!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I liked District 9. The short even better than the feature length movie. The movie lost me a bit with “it’s mockumentary/found footage, except when it’ll be like a regular movie because we can’t justify a camera being there”. Blomkamp is safe from being another Shyamalan, he just needs to make a movie with a different kind of social commentary.

  • Jean-François Martel

    he was in the gay porn version of the Office?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What’s next? Benedict Cumberbatch playing a marvel character no gives a shit about?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Red Blart, Blue Blart, Paul Blart, 2 Blart.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes.

  • omitted
  • Sully

    Are we really looking at an all female, all obese Ghostbusters film?

  • Jean-François Martel

    SARS was amazing! What are you talking about?

  • Jean-François Martel

    i still haven’t seen Avatar, but i learned recently that there are 19 Jaws films.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They’re right! “Amazing” IS funnier!

  • Flaw Filial

    Yes.
    The Stay Puft Marshmallow Woman is to be played by Sally Struthers.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If I had to guess, they (Sony/Paul Feig) only want one of them to play the fat ghostbuster. Can’t imagine all three in the same movie. Plus, that would mean they will need the fat-female-token-black ghostbuster.

  • Jean-François Martel

    How can you forget “Alone in the Dark” with Christian Slater?

  • Sully

    As I’ve said, we are their greatest inspiration…
    next to booze.

    Well, to be honest, the booze are probably their greatest inspiration, but we’re a close fucking 2nd goddamnit!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hopefully they won’t be naked and fucking all the time like on Girls.

  • dick_the_bday_boy

    They know exactly what they’re doing.

    http://i.imgur.com/ACb0MKm.jpg

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Well, they could use that line from the second movie “Suck in your guts, guys. We are the Ghostbusters.”

  • Jean-François Martel
  • Cream-A-Thon

    I have hope for him – Shyamalan is an extreme case of accidental success. Wait by that logic that makes Shyamalan is the new George Lucas? I better check my numbers I got in my creepy notebook.

  • Sully

    Flapping their ghost traps up and down Broadway.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    “One of my personal favorites.”

  • Sully

    Harry Nilsson knows what’s up. In fact he wrote a whole song to honor this unholy time of year.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJPrRaXU4U0

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Remember when people were calling him “the next Steven Spielberg”? Yeah…. no.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    have you been scaring that nice Mr Bauman again?

  • omitted

    “I don’t know what happened here, Officer. It was like that when I got here.”

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its only Nazi gold if its still got its Swastikas. otherwise its Swiss.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    18. Jaws 19 comes out later this year.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Lena that should be naked should be Lena Headey. Ms. Dunham, put your damn clothes back on! Fuck Kylo Ren somewhere off screen!

  • Kaitscralt

    Ishtar 2

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And he’s DEEEEEAADD!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i cant wait till late 2016 for the Scary Movie parody of the new Ghostbusters. that should be classie.

  • Jean-François Martel

    just as i was about to reply too… That’s just rude.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    3 2 3 4 4 2 3 AND!

  • Jean-François Martel

    my bad, i saw a review of #19 out already but the critics must have had a screener.

  • bluehawk222

    It’s what happens when you have like 5 major conglomerates controlling 90% of our media. All you can hope for these days is that a European financed film that is well made and well written gets a limited release here and you can see it at some indie theater or it ends up being online for you to watch.

  • omitted

    I won’t be offering him the courtesy of aiming at the back of his throat.

  • Jean-François Martel

    you gotta turn to asian countries nowadays for decent movies

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    One of mine was deleted, too. And it wasn’t even diiiiirty.

    What gives?

  • Jean-François Martel

    can all of them be replaced by Gabourey Sidibe and Retta instead? I like them (i do like Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson when they’re not given free rein).

    Also can we shoot Lena Dunham into the sun?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oo oo, what did it say? /claps hands like a baby-seal

  • omitted

    Well I guess I can’t repeat it, now can I?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Arf…

  • Bustin’ Ghosts With Medea

  • Jean-François Martel

    Why the crap can’t i post images?

  • Big Mclargehuge

    Thompson wins…NEUTRALITY!!!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Because, reasons.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I dunno THE MONKEY KING was pretty whack-tastic.

  • bluehawk222

    By Asian countries I assume you mean South Korea and Japan? Well Indonesia did give us the Raid. But China is more interest in our movies and because they give the most profits we have to cater to their interests meaning no movies that offend glorious China

  • Painted Pagliacci Of Perfidy

    They used to call Waterworld “Fishtar”. True story.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And, even if it isn’t true, it should be.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sniffle-iffle, but I like awkward nudity. :S

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i have mentioned repeatedly that i have never seen Titanic. and the first trailer for avatar i thought was the game of the movie. at the end when it said “in cinemas.” i decided to never watch it either.
    These two movies started my Chronic BlockBuster Fatigue Syndrome.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i blame andrew.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Since my six-pack took up the booze, all of my nudity is awkward.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Where’s the cat?

    #Catsup

  • Big Mclargehuge

    How many times?

    3? 2? 3? 4? 4? 2? 3?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i’m colour blind and have a lazy eye. 3d is like dropping acid then smearing vaseline in your eyes.

  • DanceOfBirther

    I remember her from How to Flash Your Brest Implant Scars.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I would kind of get into an all-fat female Ghostbusters movie in a weird sort of way.
    The original rumors year back seemed to be going in the direction of Eliza Dushku, etc.. Nothing worse than a sex-appeal driven Ghostbusters reboot!
    Didn’t we get enough of those crappy female action-squad TV shows back in the late-90’s/early-00’s?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    steve is still here heshe was being rude to me the other day. apparently i am the reason they support abortion.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Approved! *stamp*

  • omitted

    because f*ck you, it’s Jaynuary!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    OR Australia, Africa, South America, shit Antarctic docos are beter than Hollywank Moovies.

  • Sully
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you need to see the 1980’s Japanese series based on the ChineseIndian myths.

    http://youtu.be/LAbE36IBTZY

    we used to watch this after school, it was just before Doctor Who.

  • quick_moranis

    I literally forgot about the new Star Wars movie. The only movie I’m anticipating this year is Avengers 2, since the first one is one of only like 3 or blockbusters I’ve liked over the past 10 years.

  • Sully

    If it weren’t for you, my clothes hangers stocks wouldn’t be worthless. That’s for sure.

  • Sully

    Image and vid sharing were both casualties in the Great Troll War of 2014.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♪ ♫ Monkey is funky ♫ ♪

    #MagicallyFertile

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you can still do it. you just have to link to the picgifvideo on another site. then ‘copy image URL’
    paste here

    https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-nIOf8_HrK4Y/VLH2xSeXoQI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/xozvf9-sXtU/w320-h419-no/HITBBTS95.jpg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I heard there will be a lot of iron suits in it. And, possibly, something will crash into something. Fingers crossed!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    The battle of the 5 armies Sucked!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Even better!

  • Sully

    I don’t like them trying to reboot it at all. There aren’t any comedians around today that could pull off what Murray, Ackroyd, and Ramis did. It’ll never live up to originals, so why bother?

  • Sully

    But The Battle of a 1,000 Socks was fuckin’ EPIC!!

  • Sully

    My six pack is intact. It rhymes so it’s gotta be true, right?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Sure, it’s bound to be terrible still. But at least this would be the kind of terrible I could make a meal of.
    …Like the Twilight quintilogy.

  • Sully

    Tyler Perry’s career?

  • Sully

    I’d rather piss glass.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    the only socks i can prove are the 4 that LionalHurtz put up. and even he got me with one of them.
    but honestly on the old site the “Dude Bros Clan” were worse. i still dont know if they where three dicks or one.

  • ninja egyptologist

    What about the remake of Point Break? I’ sure it will be awesome and not suck at all.

  • Sully

    Girls tell me that all the time.

  • A Lee

    The jokes in the comments nyahhhh

  • Sully
  • Sully

    SHHHHHH!!!
    Andrew’s online. Don’t mention the P-B movie.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    the only way to do it is to go back to University. find 4 new young comedians(racesex dosent matter) that work as an ensamble, Sprinkle some Flatliners Spookie Uni Vibe.TM and make it more about their discovery of paranormal phenomenon and how to find and control it. defeat a minor(but badarse!) evil in the library then…
    SEQUEL!!! Start the Ghostbusters business, and do the save the city gag.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    EEEEEW!

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    The search for more money.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    he’s right! v

  • Sully

    You’re forgetting, this is 21st Century Hollywood we’re talking about here. The Ghostbusters can’t save a library or a petty city. They’ve gotta save the whole fucking world from a 900 foot tall slimer.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I remember how everyone was so excited with This Is The End, and how some were saying “These guys should do the next Ghostbusters!”

    It would’ve been just as depressing as whatever it is that Sony is doing now.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    I recognize that sweater. Jay is the 2nd most beautiful person to wear it.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Soooo… Aykroyd’s original concept?

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Should Jay and Mike make Ishtar 2?

    They could do it and Rich could be their lady.

  • Sully

    Well if Mike and Jar are playing the “true messengers of God”, then Rich could just play himself.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    on that note, the best thing a lady ever said about me was: “Oh my GOD! Its true.” if it was good or bad i will leave up to your imagination.

  • Sully

    Was that a legitimate gay Jay confirmation?!

    H o l y
    F u c k i n g
    S h i t ! ! !

    EVERYONE HOLD HANDS AND FORM A HUMAN CHAIN!
    WE’VE GOTTA KEEP BACK THE TSUNAMI OF LOVE THAT IS OMITTED!!

  • Sully

    Yeah, but sans talent.

  • Palpatine

    Jay Jay Binks?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    O.K Kids time to let you in on the joke. From the day it was released Ishtar was used for jokes. in 1991 the british comedy red dwarf used the ishtar gag. in 1998 the removed it digitally because its was the oldest saddest joke in the world.
    and now its risen from the dead. just like me…
    WAIT?! I am the oldest and saddest joke in the world?!… i think this comment got away from me.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    rich could play that.

  • JohnBigbooty

    The RLM Annual F&#ck You, It’s January Special is the best movie in January.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    The jokes are all dead, Dave.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    even Peterson?

  • DanceOfBirther

    I do too, in some ways. Creepy blue Ridley, hamfisted anti-colonialism, but worst of all was the weird take on bestiality.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Everybody is dead, Dave.

  • Billy_Whizz

    Erm…did you think that Captain America might die in the movie and not save the day?

    Do we also assume that James Bond could die in every 007 film?

  • Palpatine

    Mesa called Jay Jay Binks. Mesa like-a the movies with a decent-a into madness-a.

  • Cakefarts

    Seconded.

  • Sully
  • Cream-A-Thon

    He’s gone to London to see the bloody Queen!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    ok now do the tongue twister! no google!

  • Cakefarts

    Motherfucking Hollywood! Didn’t they learn a goddamn thing from Highlander 2?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Everybody is dead everybody is dead everybody is dead Dave!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you decent into joy was delightful. i wanted to throw bits of the senate at Yoda too.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    My. God. What am i doing with my life.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    ok no Google.
    “Everybody is dead dave, dave everybody is dead, dead everybody is dave.
    The book added “is dave dead everybody.”

  • Sully

    The word on the industry street is that Spec Scripts are on the rise. This means new material. 2014 was one of the weakest box office years in 3 decades, so they’re officially looking for fresh meat.
    Thing is, studios have to finish contracts they’ve started and shoot films they’ve just bought, so we’re looking at another year – to year and a half of bullshit till we’re outta this film creativity recession. Not saying we’ll see and end to superheroes any time soon, but we should start seeing a lapse in useless sequels and remakes in the near future.

    We’re getting there, people. Slowly. We can– we must endure.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    These are the people who gave us ‘Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2’ so the answer is no. Not a thing.

  • tOmy`

    Let the lynching begin: I actually like Watchmen a lot. On paper, they are close to perfect, on screen, I have no problem with them.
    I always felt that the hate this movie gets is a bit too much. I think it was a brave attempt – I would not mind seeing someone else’s stab at it, just for the sake of seeing if you can actually pull this comics off perfectly.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i was quoting the book you where right about the show. i suck. you win the red dwarf quiz.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    I called it last year. people can only eat so much shit.
    I learned something from Human Centipede!…. Oh, Wait!??? EEEEEW!

  • DanceOfBirther

    Isn’t Point Break it self a remake of Surf Nazis Must Die? Or is it Surf Ninjas? I get confused after too many Vodka Tonics

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    There is NO SUCH THING! there is Only ONE!

  • Sully

    The only thing that movie taught me was to be quicker at calling “dibs.”

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Was that the one with Mario Van Peebles, or one of the ones with Duncan McLeod?

    Oh.

    It was the one with the aliens.

    Fucking aliens.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    motion carried. now to put it to the Senate…?

  • Adzl33t

    Oh I knew that film will suck, they got the writer from Lost

  • Adzl33t

    100% early critics RT

  • Cream-A-Thon

    All I can remember from that movie was Sean Connery getting dolled up ‘Pretty Woman’ style after trading a… watch I think? Why would an immortal need a watch?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    or they hate us?…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    sorry i forgot where i was. i just wanted to make a good movie…
    but thats stupid! who would do that!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    *Awkward boobs

  • Mr. Pedantic

    Today I learned that Denise Richards had a boob job. This has retroactively deflated many boners I had in the 90’s.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    to tell the time! they are immortal not Rich Evans!

  • Mr. Pedantic

    I guess he got over his seeming embarrassment in the Star Wars Christmas Special BOTW video.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    I feel sorry for you freezing northerners. it snows here too!
    https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-KDjnHqvnj_k/VLIIlc8eomI/AAAAAAAAAFs/rIUsuZA5Z6I/w665-h499-no/10391501_101298603222280_6852108_n.jpg

    But only in the mountains, we dont put up with that shit on the flatland.

  • Palpatine
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you is king of Gif’s

  • UnderBlackFlags

    God I love these boys.

  • Palpatine
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    it was like 22F when i took that photo. even when it snows its not that cold. i have only had hypothermia twice. heat stroke 40-50 times.

  • Palpatine

    I live in New Jersey, and it is currently and a lovely 13* F out.

  • Sully

    Butterfly in the sky
    I can go twice as high
    Take a look
    It’s in a book
    A Reading Rainbow…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    EEEEW! its 74*f here. and i feel cold!

  • Sully

    Fuck them, it’s January.
    They’re all part of the problem anyway.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i can sing a rainbow… dont ask!

  • the list of movies slated to be released in 2015 is a load of barnacles

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    ISIS or Henry Rollins?

  • AceRay

    Should of told that to Nintendo before they made a handheld that makes your eyes bleed if you look at it for too long

  • Cream-A-Thon

    So, a penis paradox? Is that what its called?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Rich Evans isn’t immortal, God just refuses to kill him.

  • JohnBigbooty

    “Scarier than the IRS” is the new “Based on a true story” for horror movies. In fact, they should stop making ghost stories and just make IRS movies. An untapped reservoir of terror.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    God cant commit suicide it would create a paradox.

  • Palpatine

    Speaking of SpongeBob, when are they gonna air “Squidward’s Suicide”?

  • Sully

    As long as you can’t taste one.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I couldn’t live in a world without Rich Evans. Sad, really.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Ah, the pearl earring, you are correct. I am now having a series of Proust-ian flashbacks to that squalid time of 1991. So, no one’s done a ‘Highlander’ musical yet? Oh no… I’ve said too much!

  • Sully

    Back Street.

  • thelionroars

    ‘Coming’ soon to the RLM Merch store, it’s the masturbating Rich Evans wind up doll!

  • Shakes_McQueen

    As long as Marvel Studios continues to put out pretty good movies, I’ll keep going to see them. I’m more worried about DC poisoning the comic book film genre well with shit like Man of Steel and Green Lantern.

    Say what you will about Marvel, but they’ve been reasonably ambitious with their projects. Laying all of that groundwork for Avengers 1 was gutsy. Blowing up SHIELD in Winter Soldier was gutsy. Guardians of the Galaxy was gutsy for obvious reasons. They are giving increasingly “deep cuts” of their catalogue, to some good directors, and continuing to do really good casting of actors.

    The sheer number of superhero films is getting to be a bit much, but hopefully that will just function to kill off some of the weaker efforts studios are putting forward, as the money gets split more and more ways.

  • Noah R.

    457th comment b1tches!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Me in my girlfriend went to the mountains recently. We took the train there believe it or not.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Everyone is changing their face!

  • Stardog Champion

    Two words…FUCK MOVIES!

  • Firebrand

    Don’t forget about the Half in the Bag remake. Fuck you too it’s year!!!!! JK you guys are the best thing on the internet.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    One word – Tshi.

  • Palpatine

    Half in the Ishtar, starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman as Mike and Jay.

  • TapewormBike

    Word

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    F*uck You, It’s January!

    Written and Directed by Elaine May

  • Cream-A-Thon

    3-2-3-4, 4-2-3-4…

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I didn’t think it was a disrespectful adaption or anything. Snyder is just really weak when it comes to character work, so the story kind of gets lost among all the flashy visuals. Also, I preferred the original ending from the comics. The new one doesn’t really even make sense to me.
    (**MODERATE SPOILERS BELOW**)
    Wouldn’t everyone just resent and blame the United States government for what happened, since Dr. Manhattan had functioned as its arm of enforcement throughout decades? It doesn’t seem to serve the same function as a completely-externalized unifying threat that the “alien creatures” provided. Also, Dr. M is almost TOO formidable of a conceptual opponent for humanity (it would basically be like having to defend yourself against god). I would think that would engender more of a sense of bleak despair than Independence Day style Rah-Rah fighting spirit and comradery… In any case, the opening credits were pretty good.

  • Palpatine

    They were just a couple of reviewers who came to Milwaukee to break into Internet show business.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    How did they wind up on Plinkett’s hitlist?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    3-2-3-4, 4-2-3-and…*

    Do you even meme, bro?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    These men are hacks!

  • Palpatine

    I can’t believe these men may control the fate of Wisconsin.

  • Uncle Dan

    Most anticipated movie this year? Space Cop!

    Do you think one day someone, next year, will think back to the old days, to the great classic of this year and remake it?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I maim meme’s, mainly.

  • Uncle Dan

    Speaking of gutsy, can you believe that Agent Carter ever got greenlighted? I’m really enjoying it, but there are so many reasons for big corporate dudes not to approve it.

  • Uncle Dan

    I’d buy that for a dollar!

  • Palpatine

    I put a price of 20,000 pizza rolls on their heads.

  • Uncle Dan

    Better than a pearl necklace! – Colin

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I think they’ve gotten themselves into a hole with this underwater storyline… Definitely time to just reboot the whole series.

  • Uncle Dan

    We only know they’ve gotten desperate once they go to space.

  • Percy Gryce

    You almost made me care.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    MIchael Bay is remaking the Plinkett Reviews. using a CGI Angela Lansbury.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Or start doing time trav– …Oh wait.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you went to the mountains ‘in’ your Girlfriend? sounds like fun….

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    there is no Highlander II get on the Thorazine!

  • Uncle Dan

    Picturing an XTRO kind of deal.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i was just thinking he fucked her on a train… your sick!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    dont worry they will move to the present soon.

    http://youtu.be/9HxXBZ4CJLE

    its happened before.
    Edit that is not Danger5!

  • TapewormBike

    I get the feeling that like 20% of those laughs are not real. .

  • Thanatos2k

    Yeah but even Nintendo knows that the gimmick failed:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nintendo_2DS

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “2014 was one of the weakest box office years in 3 decades, so they’re officially looking for fresh meat.”

    As a box office aficionado, can you provide sources for this claim? What I can find is 2014 sold the least tickets since 1995. Source:

    http://www.boxofficemojo.com/yearly/

    Also, movies like The Good Dinosaur, Furious 7, Jupiter Ascending, Kingsman: The Secret Service, and others that were slated for 2014 were pushed back to 2015. Those may have made up a good bit of the drop in gross and attendance, although some are normal schedule changes every year faces. The loss of The Interview, though, was abnormal and I’d wager the loss of Furious 7 and that film cost 2014 a pretty penny.

  • TapewormBike

    If they mess up the cannon though, I will be pissed.

  • Thanatos2k

    No he’s right, Batman did get 3 decent movies.

    Batman, Batman Returns, and The Dark Knight.

  • Noah R.

    My my, your looking rather handsome these days… Although I miss the beard <3

  • Thanatos2k

    The question is this: When has something that has gotten popular ever gotten *better* for the people who liked it before it was popular?

    I can’t think of a single thing.

  • TapewormBike

    Rich Evans is really milking that thing.

  • Noah R.

    Take off your hate Taco, unfortunately it’s over with now….

  • Thanatos2k

    Um, Avatar looks amazing dude. Bash on the plot all you want, but it looks superb.

  • Noah R.

    *slurp*

  • Palpatine

    No, Taco, don’t take off your hate! Let it flow through you!

  • Markham

    Movies in general must be hell for people who have to watch them for making reviews, I’m glad my livelyhood isn’t tied to that.

  • Thanatos2k

    Hey you’re talking about Taken 2.5: Taken on a Plane!

    Actually I liked that movie.

  • naah

    “Paul Blarp Marl Plarp 2” was definitely worth the un-editable laugh from Mike.

  • Thanatos2k

    Yeah right. No means “Maybe” to Pa Kent.

  • TapewormBike

    Marvel is putting out a steady stream of OK stuff. Does anybody rememeber when blockbuster was something you actually looked and were excited for? Still, with how the things look in the VFX world last couple of years, maybe the bubble will eventually burst.

  • Not me. Happy new year!

  • Noah R.

    No, you won’t take Taco like you did Anikan. Taco has more willpower than zero at all!

  • Thanatos2k

    No, that’s the twist ending, it was just Stephen Hawking in a robot suit all along.

  • Thanatos2k

    When you see “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” as a scheduled release this year, what else is there to do?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    She’s an AI so your joke didn’t work

  • Thanatos2k

    Paul Walker? More like, Paul Never-Going-To-Need-A-Walker

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    They have a cannon? I hope they wheel it out for one of the Best of the Worsts.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    as a fellow hairy man i cant afford the razors. thats why i go beredy. although i assume a back, sack and crack for you would use the earths reserve of wax.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    it burst a year ago. now we are all covered in pus!

  • TapewormBike

    Edited before you looked at it. You just got Lucas’d!

  • nd4spd

    Batman Returns is shit. TDKR looks like gold in comparison.

  • Thanatos2k

    You mean Roseanne Barr?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you traveled in AI? wow thats even more impressive! was it an AI fleshlight? or a total mindfuck?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You bitch. -_-

  • Wizard Phoenix

    One number – 3234423

  • TapewormBike

    Uhh, actually I identify as a hoe, so…

  • Palpatine

    He will kneel before Monster Mash and pledge his loyalty to the Graveyard Smash. Or else.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    “Number. Five. Has. a. UnIFied Field TH-leyroy…. Oh Fuck. IT. From. The. tOP?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They’re back? Alright?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    HOW COULD HE NOT? http://youtu.be/AxcM3nCsglA

  • Thanatos2k

    “2014 was one of the weakest box office years in 3 decades”

    Unless you count international, because fuck you even if your movie sucks idiots who don’t know better will see it oversees so no one is punished for failure!

  • TapewormBike

    We all know Jay is actually kinda excited for the Mad Max remake. That big bearded phony! Humbug!

  • Thanatos2k

    Sony is the one poisoning superhero movies with Trashtastic Spiderman.

  • Palpatine

    295 more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. 295 more days till Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

  • TapewormBike

    As an idiot overseas: Yes.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    so am i… but as an Australian i am biased… about a movie payed for by americans filmed mostly in africa…. fuck you movies!

  • TapewormBike

    Psst. I am too. It will suck though. Bad.

  • Thanatos2k

    I think we’re at the point where anything with “Marvel” in front of it will be greenlit. I hear the ratings were mediocre though so I don’t anticipate that to last for too long.

  • Thanatos2k

    This is some of their best work

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Well… you do live in Czechoslovakia.

  • Thanatos2k

    I’m not sure why Jay couldn’t resist laughing for the Superman remake.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    they have to rape it to death before the contract runs out.

  • TapewormBike

    They generally seem to be doing somewhat worse on TV. IS S.H.I.E.L.D any good? It looks soooo boring.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    isnt it the Czech Republic…. i got a memo i’m sure….

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its better than most american Network TV. but thats like saying “i would rather be pissed on than shat on.”

  • TapewormBike

    Whenever I hear that, I go “Americans!” and explain the difference between Czechoslovakia (has not existed for 22 years) and Czech Republic. It makes me feel like a really bad Bond villain.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Am I going to have to hear about trade disputes now? What happened to the cannons?

  • TapewormBike

    I hate sand.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Yea! We are the best! Americans! Woo~

  • TapewormBike

    No, I expect you to die Miss Jennifer.

  • TapewormBike

    You are telling me to watch Danger 5, aren’t you?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    It’s hard enough just the spell the “Czech” part, don’t make me keep track all of your frivolous name changes.
    Who do you think you are? P Diddy?

  • TapewormBike

    I, ughh, wh….no.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Our sex is basically us both talking dirty and me jerking off. It’s not as weird as it seems.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i was whinging about sheep shearing… but yes! WATCH DANGER 5! if i had a dollar for every time i mentioned it i would have $34.

  • Renegades, betting on a zillion dollar, almost critically bulletproof franchise! Takes balls. Space balls. Galactus. Balls.

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    I thought he was a special effect… But who am I kidding, who isn’t nowadays…?

    http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yJ8ULj1FZ9A/0.jpg

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    I’ve been there…

  • TapewormBike

    That’s what her said!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You’re dating an OS too?

  • No, because Tom Hardy is in it. He’s like the pizza of acting: even when it’s bad, I want to have sex with Tom Hardy. BECAUSE HE’S A GREAT ACTOR I’m not a sexist.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i am sexist. i hate sex! dirty sexers!

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    Hollywood is at the moment remaking everything. It is their grand plan to attain the status of gods by remaking man in their own image.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Is internet porn an AI?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You’ll need a better retort than that.
    Just look at the sick Czechoslovakia burn I came up with, in response to your “hoe” curveball?

  • TapewormBike

    Orson Welles does that for me.

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    That’s actually an advantage of living in country, in which English isn’t the first language: saying “Fuck you, it’s January” to people usually causes them to smile awkwardly and realise that it’s a reference of some kind, since Danes insult one another almost exclusively in Danish. Some even ask where this snippet of gold comes from, to which I reply by showing them the glory of this home-page.

  • TapewormBike

    I get flustered in the presence of turtles riding donkeys. It’s the hat.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m pretty sure Asa Akira porn is recorded.

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    Wait, is that a nested link I see? Do this gifs work again?

  • Rene Belloq 12 inch Figure

    That’s why I only watch funny movie reviews now.

  • Palpatine

    But the truth is, I’m behind it all!

  • TapewormBike

    You filthy pig. I bet you even don’t mind cuddling. Barf.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I’ve just come to think of it as a French revolutionary beret at this point… Vive la France! Vive la République!

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, so, 200 years old history you know, as long as people looked stupid doing it.

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    Well I for one am looking forward to watching all the extra episodes of Best of the Worst they’ll release to compensate for the lack of decent movies to review hearing them bitch about shitty superhero movies have gotten and/or only releasing content once a month. Ohhhhh…….

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    If only you had a moustache to twirl!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i dont like humans touching me. its dirty!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you can post gifs and pics from other sites, just not from a hard drive. and they show up only till you refresh the screen. then they revert to text links.

  • TapewormBike

    He does that with Anakin’s…hair.

  • JohnBigbooty

    Really? It was filmed in Africa?

  • Stardog Champion

    The cooking of the duck meat.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    This isn’t trying to take away from your point, but there’s major economic shifts, also. I’ve read an article (I’d have to find it) where Hollywood movies supposedly are being greenlit or cancelled because of the collapse of the ruble. It wouldn’t surprise me that the major drop in oil prices would have an effect on movie concepts, also, based on Russia’s economic about-face.

  • TapewormBike

    Namibia

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Some of it. i rained in Australia and the pretty grass and wild flowers distracted from the usual ‘You’re going to die’ visuals of Australia.

  • RoCr

    I don’t think they make a rocket that big…

  • TapewormBike

    Get your shit together over there. We need post-apocalyptic wasteland landscape now, not in few months!

  • RoCr

    Do I have to?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    We have heaps of it… its just to far from a city to get to. and frankly we may have let the English Nuke some of it.
    In the outback most water is salty. or radioactive(most of its natural.). thats why no one lives there.

  • TapewormBike

    Well, we can all look forward to Fifty Shades of Jay next month though. I meant Fifty Dates with Jay. No, wrong – Fucking Jay Jay Jay. There.

  • I can’t believe these men may control the fate of the middle east.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Careful. Jay spanked Omitted today. he was being…. naughty.

  • TapewormBike

    I like to live on the edge when it comes to posting anonymously on the Internet.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    15 minutes…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    thats my problem… using my real name and face… but being dead i dont have the brain function to care. BRAINS!!!!

  • TapewormBike

    Tru Dat Tru

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Now sheep on the other hand…

  • TapewormBike

    Ewwwe

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you need two hands for sheep. and this isn’t New Zealand.

  • TapewormBike

    The releases for July 17 2015:
    Ant-Man
    Trainwreck
    The Look of Silence

  • Bob Borries

    OK, Jay, you need to return that gay membership card for that Cher joke.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    yay 6,000 comments!!!! Oh, Wait….

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I want to know what did it— considering our darling Omitted’s normal levels of propriety. Where IS that invisible line that puppet-porn-Bauman deems… “too much”?

  • JohnBigbooty

    Ok. I was gonna say, don’t tell me Australia priced themselves out of the market like California did.

  • Bob Borries

    I’de like to double that rainbow!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    it was about shooting out the back of the throat.

    http://youtu.be/vVof0qj7SOw

    Oh Wait! SPOILERS!

  • TapewormBike

    I remember that one deleted comment (not from Omitted) was regarding Rich and (classified) of his (classified). (Classified) if I know what Omitted said though.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    DANGER 5 O’clock scuse me kids.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    I remember lots of deleted comments…. mostly mine…….

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    HAVE you seen the Prequels and the Matrix trilogy. Australia FUCKED itself out of the market.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    in Australia we are the opposite of the eskimos. we have one word for sheep, FOOD!

  • TapewormBike

    Ah, come on. Some tops can be funny like that.

  • GeneralFailer

    Fürstenfeldbruck you too, gentlemen.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i’m having to watch South Park while waiting for Danger 5… here is a thing i made ages ago…..
    https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Pmk4McKOBSw/VLJNZOkV9zI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/dLF-feQoiHY/w793-h446-no/fuckjanuary.jpg
    Fuck you January!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Cher isnt gay? did i miss a memo?

  • maggit

    I AM JANUARY, I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS

  • GeneralFailer

    It’s a subtle computer science joke. A star in regular expressions denotes zero or more symbols, so the pattern F*uck can mean an infinite set of words including Fuck, Firetruck, or Fürstenfeldbruck there.

  • Thanatos2k

    http://art.penny-arcade.com/photos/i-hhJBQRK/1/1050×10000/i-hhJBQRK-1050×10000.jpg

    Judging by the vague and apathetic defenses of why it doesn’t suck from my friends who watch it, I’m going to conclude that’s the truth.

  • Thanatos2k

    If Batman Returns is shit, what is Batman Forever….?

  • Bob Borries

    Although I did laugh, cause it’s true

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    That fire was calculated at 100 hiroshima sized bombs an hour. so your comment is accurate.

  • TapewormBike

    I was OK with Watchmen. I loved the comic and everything about it was a commentary on the medium itself, which is just irreplicable. The ending was always the weakest part in both versions. Not the ending for the characters, like (sigh, spoilers) Rorschach’s death, but the overall feeling was kind of meh. There is that shock value and it makes Ozymandias an actually rounded and interesting character in the comic. In the movie he was too creepy not to turn out a villain. Changing the squid into Dr. Manhattan I liked, because it gave him more to decide on in the end – It’s not just that he is OK with it, but he is able to take up on a role of martyr, proving there is still a weird twisted humanity in him.

    I refuse to watch Man of Steel, 300 was abs (as opposed to tits), Dawn of the Dead I am obligated to like because of James Gunn and Sucker Punch is what I will watch with my gf in case I decide to break up with her.

  • Bob Borries

    That’s proof there is gold at the bottom of the rainbow

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    SPOILERS!!!!
    “Agent Hitler, F…B…I…”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Lol there was nothing gutsy about “laying out the groundwork” for avengers 1 or guardians of the galaxy.If it’s a Marvel movie it’s not gonna fail at box office period.Calling these movies ambitious in which there are never any stakes and it all relies on some macguffin is insulting to the very defition of that word.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Va Jay Jay?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It is it?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Haha! I get it! He said “this year”.

  • Uncle Dan

    Agents of Shield hasn’t been doing so well at least partially because no one cares that much about minor characters, and Marvel’s been hesitant to back a female lead superhero movie. Combine those two and you have Agent Carter, superficially.

    And yet, greenlit.

  • Kawaii as Fuck

    Is this their way of saying Half in the Bag is done because they just can’t take it anymore?

  • TapewormBike

    This their way of putting some of the frustration on us.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • instant relief

    Why don’t you guys stop acting like little girls and start watching some good movies?
    It’s like the only thing you ever do is watching bad movies…
    Now, I’m gonna irony my shirt.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is it possible to find out without watching the video and YouTubes deciding I love WatchMojo based on the one video I watched?

    Oh, it’s Boyhood… Isn’t it?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    But Flash Gordon has only 14 hours to save the earth!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    To me a giant space squid is just way too awesome to be replaced but I understand that may have come off as too schlocky for mainstream audiences. Also, I think that in the movie Rorschach got too emotional in the death scene. I feel like he should have been more angry rather than sad. He stuck to his principles to the end, so why break the character here?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    3D has a place as a carnival ride in those “3D xperience” things with the shaking seats and all.

  • TapewormBike

    That is a good point and I remember that it felt weird when his voice broke (the rest of that performance is spot on though and the only place the Baletman voice works for me). The squid and the bodies would be way better visual, that I agree with. It’s hard for me to shit on that movie, I mean, they had enough dedication to actually produce complete Black Freighter and Hollis Mason documentary. Btw, Stephen Mchattie, I love that fucking guy – Pontypool anybody?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You forgot to tell about early Boyhood.

  • omitted

    Yeah, in Jay’s pants.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Did all these upvotes come before or after the edit? I’m going for the latter.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    for all the kids who kept mentioning the imaginary movie Highlander 2.

    http://youtu.be/p1YZ18RWad0

    There can be only one!

  • Jillian

    The more you know…

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I moved on from Star Wars to slave Leia once I hit puberty.

  • omitted

    CORAL!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    You lie! You’re gonna buy that for 1.02 Swiss Francs!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Coming soon to the RLM merch store near you! I’d buy that for a dollar!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    are you saying i have BRAINS!?
    you cant prove that!

  • Mr. R

    Do you remember when all we had was things likes Catwoman and Daredevil in the wake of Spider-man and X-men? I will take the current situation.

  • Mr. R

    They are huge. And purple.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    This was borderline experimental. I demand someone make a 10 hour (or something) video loop of Mike’s weird ass laugh at 0:40. @mitchelltaconash:disqus get on the case!

  • Mr. R

    Living the dream

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah OK, I guess that’s true. Man, that dash in Spiderman always bugs me for some reason.

  • Mr. R

    What a sellout

  • omitted

    I feel your pain, man. During the stream Domo mistook me for a danish.

  • Mr. R

    *Fisty

  • TapewormBike

    She tried to eat you?!

  • Uncle Dan

    Domo eats Danish people?

  • TapewormBike

    She a monster, man.

  • omitted

    I still don’t know what makes Jay go over the edge sometimes… and not even in the good way!

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    I can help with that

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Imagine Omitted was President of the USA…..

    http://youtu.be/-XNFokmDKrE

  • omitted

    Yeah, just look at her avatar. So hungry.

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    Normally I don’t go for Aussies but that chick who says “This content is currently unavailable” has a pretty sexy voice. How was it?

  • TapewormBike

    We need you Taco. We are Lazy.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i told you to skype your VPN through the skynet!. its not that hard. how do you think the 6.8 Billion humans who aren’t american seppos watch anything!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its 8am for Taco give him a minute to have a coffee!

  • TapewormBike

    Fuck no!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    They already made the Ghostbusters porn parody.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its sunday… the Day of Rich….
    EDIT: wait its monday here go nuts!

  • omitted

    Jay would be a superstar at the gay bar. That is why he should never be allowed to step into one.

  • omitted

    As long as it’s not linklater.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you dont like competition, do you dear boy? if only i were gay we could troll the universe together…

  • TapewormBike

    I wish I was gay. I could use a real man in my life.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    *con troll

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its 12:19am and you just won the Internet for today!

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    I’m sorry but I actually have to be very careful about what I do on this computer. Does it involve downloading anything?

  • TapewormBike

    Noice!

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    On an unrelated note when you told me to google VPN (AFTER I googled VPL, of course) the first thing I got was an article from the Guardian talking about, guess what, how Australians watch netflix via VPNs and whoever runs netflix doesn’t care.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i have no idea. lets just say i’m made of internet and dont have to listen to that shit.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    people who dont know how to use the internet use VPN’s as a way to dodge Geo-Blocking on the WWW.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I wish I was a pedophile. I could use a real boy in my life.

    http://www.jndyos.com/images/Pinocchio_al_Mare.gif

  • TapewormBike

    I…I will upvote this.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    there is a line. you and the Catholic church are waaaaaaaaaaaaay over there!… NO! FURTHER!!!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    and your on the same watch list as Omitted and Flying SOS Jesus(He flew over a school and all the kids saw up his loin cloth!)

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Too soon?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    thats what the pope said.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    The new hit song by Ylvis.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    wow that comment about Gay Bars escalated quickly…. FBI i dont know these people!
    Edit: its the Rape Convoy all over again.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh hey Andrew,

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    hi my good friend Tape… oh wait!!!!

    http://youtu.be/4F4qzPbcFiA

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Here’s another: I wish I was necrophiliac like that. I could use a real Jay in my life.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Jay is the Walrus!

  • omitted

    Only carnally.

  • Sully

    Ticket-wise it’s an 8 year low. Thirty years has to do with the amount of returns based on Box Office “investment.” It’s biz talk, and my source is a guy in the biz, so… I can’t exactly provide him, and I’m not exactly sure what da fuck he was talking about. I just took his word for it.
    My take on it was, 2014 had a TON of big movies, and perhaps it’s an overall return vs expectational loss.
    Who knows? I don’t. I didn’t lose money, so I don’t really give a shite.

    All I know is specs are being greenlit again, and that does affect me, soooo…. YAY ME!

  • omitted
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    is that a biblical term?

  • Marvin Falz

    So it was Rich Evans who made that weird internet video of a guy reacting to Star Wars, thrashing his room and pretending to jerk off a droid while wearing a Darth Vader helmet. Those RLM guys weren’t joking in the Star Wars Holiday Special BotW.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    as the comments are in the 690’s and it kinda got weird…
    watch this great song.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCEp9XR1c7Q

  • DSCW – You completely unhacked that fraud! Shakes_McQueen don’t be a corporate pawn, I’ll put a price on your head.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    no it wasnt him. you are mistaken.

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh 🙁

  • TapewormBike
  • Marvin Falz

    Joking.

  • TapewormBike

    Ahaaaaa!

  • Marvin Falz

    Yes, I’ll work out how to be funny in English.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    aren’t we all?.. Oh SHIT! FBI I REALLY dont know these people!

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah. From the parts about Satan,

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    No you were perfect! deadpan face. deliver line. i loved it! 5 stars.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Never turn your back on Satan… i couldn’t walk straight for a week.

  • Marvin Falz

    Thank you.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    any time.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    7-11 comments! hahahaha!
    i was just thinking we are like a multinational night shift for RLM
    it should be a sit-com. Like Night Court crossed with Perfect Strangers… but funny.

  • TapewormBike

    The underbelly of this place when all the good US citizens are asleep or barely waking up.

  • Duckler

    Is it FYIJ again already? Did I fall asleep and Rip Van Tinkle myself..?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    no its ‘Fuck you its YEAR!’ now.

  • Sully
  • TapewormBike

    Speaking of movie drought, what have you guys still not seen from the last year that is supposed to be good? I am still avoiding The Lego Movie and trying to find time to watch Life Itself. And still undecided if I want to know just how much will Boyhood irritate me.

  • My ex wife

    I thought Jay dosn’t exsist? Jay is just a figment of Mike’s imagination and sometimes Mike forgets to edit him in.
    Like Donnie.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    imagine you had Crabs… and they had Aids.

  • Uncle Dan

    I still haven’t seen Inception. I feel like i’m sort of waiting for the hype to die down because people still say “Oh man you haven’t seen it?!”. But that’s not last year.

    I haven’t seen Gravity, and I really don’t feel that inclined.

  • TapewormBike

    Whoa whoa whoa. Don’t talk like that about my Crabs.

  • omitted

    Some of the Jay Oscar bait won’t open here until February. I’m considering seeing The Imitation Game and Foxcatcher. I expect the latter to be an instructional video on how to capture @disqus_xYONdDQI0r:disqus

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I saw Inception for the first time this year. For a dream the stuff that happened was horribly unimaginative.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i was talking about Boyhood but dont tell Wizard Phoenix.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    your stalking him too?

  • My ex wife

    Evelyn, a modified dog…

    Arf, she said.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    You’re not missing anything with Gravity, where Cuaron wants to bash you over the head with his limited concept of survival and rebirth.

    Maybe go see Ida instead. It’s slow and simple, but it reveals so much as time goes on and is a really interesting concept. It allows you to walk away and form your own ideas about the characters and what they’re thinking.

  • TapewormBike

    Nope, shame I know. I managed to see Foxcatcher and it might have been one of my favourite movies of the last year. Just the whole story behind it (which they compressed a whole lot) is fascinating, but then the acting and the way it moves sloooooowly, but gets tenser and tenser. Foxcatcher was great.

  • omitted

    Nah, I just thought it would be good practice.

  • Uncle Dan

    Speaking of space things, wasn’t interested to watch Interstellar at all.

    Speaking of Cuaron, generally interested to see Children of Men but just haven’t gotten around to it.

    Ida sounds interesting! Thanks for the recommendation.

  • Sully

    Gas is cheap fo’ sho! The downside is, the gas tax is about to go up to compensate, so when prices inevitably rise again, they’ll spike even higher. i.e. Higher costs on everything.
    Fuck you oil industry. YOU’RE RUINING MOVIES!!!

  • My ex wife

    What’s this white powder all over the place?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Children of Men is good. see it before the FX get to old.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I still have to see Hobbit part 3: Battle of the five leggies and her five sisters. Along with the matching HitB. It’s like a saved up therapy session.

  • Now I Get It

    Fun fact: like all truly funny people, Elaine May got laid a ton.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The psychiatric bill you get afterwards is gonna be such a huge letdown for you. I can feel it.

  • My ex wife

    Hey! that’s just like mine. Only with out the talking… and the both.

  • omitted

    I was pretty much sold at “Channing Tatum in a singlet”.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    gute nacht kinder. xoxo

  • TapewormBike

    I know I mention my gf a whole lot in here, but – she managed to make me stay away from those movies. She does like the LotR trilogy and I took her to see the first one. Jesus, I never felt so stupid after buying someone a ticket.

  • TapewormBike

    Sleep tight. I meant sheep, oops.

  • TapewormBike

    It has not oficially opened in here, but it’s doing like tiny festival rounds and I caught it in a cinema near me. And I must say, I never felt better watching guys being tangled in each other’s crotches.

  • My ex wife

    You’er a doughnut with out a hole?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If for no other reason, watching the Hobbit trilogy makes you realize how horrible the LOTR trilogy would have been if made now or made after Peter Jackson had a bunch of big budget movies under his belt. You watch the Hobbit stuff, then switch to Lotr mode and realize how much nicer everything looks without the CGI.

  • Flora Posteschild

    My reaction to The Lego Movie was OMG, this is the best Chosen One story released in 2014. Which is to say, OMG, another Chosen One story.

    Yes, there were better elements, and they played with the idea somewhat. But that goddamned story dragged down the rest.

  • TapewormBike

    You totally do. The whole thing was just three hours of noise, Gandalf saving everyone all the time and dwarves not being funny.

  • Constantine1985

    As usual, too awesome.

  • Sully

    Who’s watching the Golden Globes tonight?

    {Please keep the King Midas’ Wife’s Tits jokes to a minimum}

  • TapewormBike

    I have no idea what it”s about, that actually intrigues me:)

  • omitted

    “I know I mention my gf a whole lot in here”

    The lady doth protest too much, methinks

  • TapewormBike

    I….OK then.

  • My ex wife

    You need more w’s to really ram the point home.

  • TapewormBike

    She was literally physically keeping me from refreshing the Disqus page yesterday.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    We’ve bought all the extended versions of the middle earth films. The LoTR special features stuff is probably the reason I fell in love with this site and how they approach film review. Just the section on Fellowship’s stuff about lighting and color adjustment is wonderful.

  • Flora Posteschild

    Though I found it overlong, I loved it. And this from someone who usually despises sports movies. Honestly, I thought CT gave the best performance. Great casting, of course.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    King Kong was the CGI nail in the coffin.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    GO. TO. BED.

  • TapewormBike

    I have seen all of it more times than the movies themselves. Have you seen the Costa Botes documentaries?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    trying… but your all talking!

  • omitted

    Yeah, let’s go with ‘watching’ 😉

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    NOW. I will shove warm milk down your throat if you don’t!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Oooh. What’s that?

  • omitted

    Watch it. Jay has been unusually anal about throat talk lately.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    the best part of the stream-a-thon was getting my partner to watch ‘Pathetic VHS Boyfriend’ she was making derogatory comments about it with me. she finally got what RLM was about!
    this might just work out….

  • TapewormBike

    She’s serious man!

  • Flora Posteschild

    You won’t have a terrible time. But many people have claimed it to be flawless. I wasn’t thrilled with the treatment with the main (and almost only) female character, either.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If it makes you feel any better, in my own head, I think that rainbow bit was just for you.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I see you upvoting, Andrew! I’m warning you!

  • TapewormBike

    That was what I actually thought too.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    one more comment. PLEASE!

  • TapewormBike

    I think it came with some later special editions. They are three fly on the wall style docs about the shoot.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    That’s it. I’m getting the warm milk funnel.

  • Sully

    I haven’t seen it either. Peter Jackson has quickly become the Bob Ross of cinema. He starts off with a great idea, and then kills it with bullshit.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    ok nacht frauline.

  • TapewormBike

    I can believe that. It seemed to be sorta forcefully wacky from the trailers and not that funny.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I’ll have to look that up, but if I have to buy another DVD to see this, then fuck that. They aren’t getting any more of mah moneh!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’d rather watch paint dry.

  • Now I Get It

    Wow, that reminds me…I was adored once, too.

  • TapewormBike

    Maybe they can be bought separately or seen on some VOD. I have purchased the King Kong production diaries way back when some lunatic ported it to CR and it again was way better than the movie.

  • TapewormBike

    Instant Adorable Boyfriend or the Golden Globes?
    Edit: Adoring, but..I am gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

  • omitted

    How else could one even interpret that?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I wish more movies had special features like Peter’s stuff. It would make me buy more movies. Nowadays they piecemeal their special features with each new release and it makes me not want to buy anything until its tenth anniversary.

  • TapewormBike

    We have been together for 7 years. she was just trying to be disgusted at Toddlers and Tiaras in peace.

  • TapewormBike

    Children of Men is a great movie and it will actually make you feel something as opposed to Gravity. Watch Y Tu Mamá También for weird boners.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Oh, Honeydew. Think of the freedom you have!

  • omitted

    I believe all boners to be created equal, you hardonist!

  • TapewormBike

    Speaking of that, how are you with director commentaries?I praise FF Coppola’s ones wherever I go.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Unless there’s some Julie Andrews winning best actress-level drama and politicking, I’m not interested.

    They don’t make Hollywood like they used to.

  • My ex wife

    You take that back Sully! Bob Ross was a beautiful human being. 🙁

    He gave friends to his happy trees, because we all need a friend. /uncontrollablecrying

  • Now I Get It

    As Tape said, the freedom is refreshing.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Same with Ridley Scott. Watching his Gladiator commentary made me re-think some of the scenes and their meaning.

  • TapewormBike

    Fredooooooooooooom! For Boneeeeeeeeeeeeeers!

  • My ex wife

    For better or worse?

  • TapewormBike

    Oh you.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa
  • omitted

    Oh, the gay adult film industry’s Best Ball Play awards show is tonight?!

  • Flora Posteschild

    Not going to be seeing ANY of these movies. Think of how much money I will save. Thank you.

    The worst, the one you would really have to put a gun to my head to get me in the theatre, is Taken 3. Taken 1 was so awful (except for Liam) and stupid, you’d think it couldn’t get worse. But then Taken 2 came out, which was even stupider and more offensive. Somehow, I don’t know how, Taken 3 will top itself.

  • My ex wife

    BBHAAAAAAAAAA 🙁

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Better in some, worse in others. An example would be Lucius murdering his father. Ridley (paraphrasing) explained that Lucius was angry that his father dropped to his knees in a submissive gesture to express his failings. So at first Lucius was okay with his Dad, but then with the lowered stature, Lucius quickly realized that his father’s failings were worse than his own, thus seeing the need to murder him.

  • Flora Posteschild

    I’m usually FDO (For Dresses Only).

    But I may tune in to watch Jennifer Aniston lose. Sweet, girl next door tears.

  • Sully

    Isn’t that the same thing…. when you think about it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    David Fincher does some fun commentaries.It can get highly technical but there’s always some fun stories about the events on the set as well.

  • My ex wife

    Sometimes I worry that Mike and Jay have gone to far in a few places.

    Well with all the crap coming out, it least we have Space Cop to look forward to…

  • TapewormBike

    Maybe Space Cop has been a Gorrila Interrupted remake all this time.

  • TapewormBike

    I love his as as well. Also Guillermo del Toro’s

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Until they come out with Space Cop 2, then we can stone them to death.

  • NotRickBerman

    A sequel inside a reboot, wrapped in bacon.

    Why bacon? Because FUCK YOU IT’S JANUARY!

  • Now I Get It

    Same with Anthony Minghella, at least for “The Talented Mr. RIpley”.

    The oddity was that I couldn’t see any of the character touches he talked about scene-by-scene. Which makes me think that it was stuff he came up with to satisfy the actors’ needs for “forensic” details. Yet it was all fascinating and not at all bullshitty. So, it might have come directly from Highsmith’s novel.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yay! Jack played Batman: Arkham Asylum! Watching this is going to be horribly frustrating because I know he’s gonna suck.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Same critics who loved BOYHOOD?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Batman never sucks.

  • TapewormBike

    Right? My thoughts exactly

  • dollar store cashier wife

    there is one bit in his first zsasz encounter that will make you cringe.enjoy it

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    DC Fanboi! Unsubscribe!

  • omitted

    I just came to a horrifying realization: All of my comments are contrived sequels or blasphemous remakes!

  • TapewormBike

    Nah, you just know what you’re good at and keep doing it.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I have to admit, I *might* see the JUNGLE BOOK remake. Just to hear Bill Murray sing “Bear Necessities.”

  • TapewormBike

    I have it opened on Youtube for hours, but the fucking clients keep make me not watch it.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I would have liked to see more things like the bending city and the zero-g hotel fight. Those were great.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t have a TV.

    Also, a fyuck is not given. However, The 5th Annual Ribbies have been awarded, and RedLetterMedia won Guilty Pleasure of The Year.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh yeah, there were some great sequences and well shot. But half of the plot seemed to be apologizing for not being able to be awesome all the time.

  • Billy_Whizz

    That would be football too. It’s kinda forced on you from birth if you’re a UK male.

  • omitted

    I’ve done my fair share of customer service, but at least I never stooped to fucking the clients.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Never listened to a commentary.

    The voice in my head is constant and loud enough.

  • Uncle Dan

    Reminds me of game DLCs… A smart purchase is not an early purchase.

  • Uncle Dan

    I really like Joss Whedon’s commentaries. He actually has interesting things to say.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    FOXCATCHER is great. THE IMITATION GAME is false sentimentalization, but it’s well-acted if you like that sort of thing.

  • Now I Get It

    You’re both right, Skipper.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Agreed on Tatum. Even the way he lumbers. Who knew the kid could act?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, you’re gonna piss Skittles, then, because it’s mostly Channing Tatum topless.

  • omitted

    Great, now I’ve got ‘drool’ all over my keyboard.

  • Uncle Dan

    In actual execution it came across really charming rather than forced. I thought the whole movie was going to be a setup for lots and lots of pop culture references, since Lego has the licensings to make toys for absolutely everything. It still was a lot of pop culture references, but still delivered in a very charming way.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    IDA was beautiful. An aunt and a niece who have never met before are united before the niece takes her vows to become a Catholic nun. Sounds horrible? Then you’re horrible, because it is quite reserved and touching. Not at all the kind of Oprah-wank that an American remake would be.

    It’s foreign, though, so black and white and subtitled. That’s never hurt anybody!

  • omitted

    Sometimes he blows.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nobody dreams like that.

  • Uncle Dan

    Isn’t an intricate part of customer service fucking over clients in ways they sort of accept?

  • Uncle Dan

    Sucking is Robin’s job.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t don’t about things you don’t.

  • omitted

    No, it’s fucking over clients in ways they don’t notice.

  • Now I Get It

    Palm callous at base of pinky finger. Confirmed for Farmer’s Lung.

    http://www.nurseland.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/HandReflexologyMassageMeridian.jpg

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is it a movie haiku?

    Is it destiny?

    Is it practice for DecemberGay Musicals for Richmas!

  • TapewormBike

    Hotel reception, happens.

  • omitted

    You misspelled brothel.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    How’d Jessi get to be your girl?

    That’s right, Jay!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Tshitar.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY? The movie that borrowed thirty year-old Lucas riffs for a movie that is the exact same as the last movie they made.

    You need a new dictionary. You don’t know what “gutsy” means.

  • omitted

    I think we already talked about Limitation Gay earlier. I’ll probably see this one for what it is and hope for a better Alan Turing movie in the future.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Based on Truth” is always a lie. Current examples: SELMA, THE IMITATION GAME, and, even, FOXCATCHER.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I’ve been pissing one since January 1st.

    You think YOU’RE tired of it!

  • and all that slash fiction we wrote together…don’t forget about those magical nights we spent making him suck…

  • Uncle Dan

    Oh, also, consider tracking down the Phantom Edits of Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, purely to listen to the editor’s commentary on how he tried to fix the movies in editing.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh now I have a quest. Speaking of something completely, yet not so different, have you ever watched Auralnauts and their prequel stuff? It’s dumb and really funny.

  • Sully

    I stopped reading after the first “e”.

  • omitted

    Tru dat too

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’re laying the groundwork. Building a universe. Genius marketing. You’re gutsy for obvious reasons! Changing The Game.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    omitted is a living performance art piece.Just like shia labeouf

  • TapewormBike

    Who? Is that someone famous?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    OPTIMUSSSSS!!!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You mean the vent opening? Yeah… So far Jack is being horribly unobservant and the fact that Rich, so far at least, hasn’t told him how the freeflow combat works is killing me.

  • omitted

    Like Marvel, I also have my release schedule planned out for the next 37 years!

  • TapewormBike

    HE DID IT AGAIN!

  • Uncle Dan

    I watched the stream. He tells him later. In fact he likens it to Crypt of the NecroDancer, which now that I’ve tried it, is oddly fitting.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Those are so much more entertaining than the movies themselves. Auralnauts in general are awesome. By the way, I recommend watching the parody of Episode 3 on their website, rather than on YouTube because the music in the (spoilers) rehab montage is a lot better. They had to change it for YouTube due to copyright reasons.

  • Now I Get It
  • Happy Fuck You, It’s January to you guys, too.

  • Burn those silly Rembrandts, Picassos and Warhols we have a new sheriff in town.

  • Sully

    The new Sia video with Shia may have changed my opinion about him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a world class douchehole, but as an “actor…”
    He’s growing some real chops. I’ve heard good things about Fury as well, but haven’t seen it yet.

  • Sully

    Looking forward to the post-credits scenes. HOLLA!

  • NotRickBerman

    A happy Fuck you, it’s January! to you and your hack fraud family.

  • NotRickBerman

    Yes, but your bodily discharges will be nowhere near as offensive as the Marvel moves.

  • Shakes_McQueen

    I assume you were similarly aghast when the hack frauds called the Marvel movies “ambitious”, and specifically named Guardians, in their Winter Soldier HITB episode?

    And yes, tying a movie with a giant talking tree and a talking raccoon, based on a comic with zero name recognition, directed by a former Troma alumni, into the somewhat grounded Marvel CInematic Universe, was ballsy.

    Lastly, George Lucas didn’t invent the “lovable rogue” archetype, nor did he invent space movies. And I suspect several of the characters in Guardians probably predated Star Wars anyway, though I can’t be bothered to check.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I hope you made your traditional FYIJ cake made from pizza rolls and Ambien.

  • TapewormBike

    I usually substitute with Somethien.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Well, yeah. If you’re on a diet.

  • Uncle Dan

    In today’s Marvel climate, it’s sometimes easy to forget how it felt pre-Avengers. No one was making a consistent superhero movie universe, or a teamup movie that actually worked.

    Now Marvel is doing so well that it seems like anything they shit out will be gold, but Agents of Shield proves that that’s not entirely true.

    I do think that the formula might well get stale though. Personally I’m invested in seeing a really good superheroine movie, but by 2018 or whenever Captain Marvel comes out, it might be too late.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Did you sing FYIJ carols?

    Like Hark the Hackfrauds?

    And Ow My Groin?

  • TapewormBike

    What a chum.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Y’know, if RLM made Fuck You, it’s January cards I’d totally buy them and send them to all my family and friends.

  • TapewormBike

    That is a seriously great merch idea.

  • TapewormBike

    So far what I am the most curious about in the 2015 release schedule is a documentary about stalking Adam Sandler: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1540884/ I wonder if it will manage to be more stupid than his movies.

  • Shakes_McQueen

    I actually think AoS has been a lot better this season, and has been a pretty strong show since Winter Soldier came out, when SHIELD got blown up as an organization.

    Prior to that, it was just treading water, and kind of a bore.

    The new Agent Carter show has also come out to pretty universal critical acclaim.

  • Joe Syxpac

    They could all say something nice and heartwarming on the cover, like “Wishing you and yours a joyous holiday season” or whatever and when you open it it says “FUCK YOU, IT’S JANUARY” with Rich masturbating a droid.

  • TapewormBike

    I see that your mental image pretty much matches mine.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I’d also like to see a FYIJ pop up book for the kids.

  • Uncle Dan

    AoS is better but it’s not doing a lot better in terms of views and ratings. I liked the first season overall after the SHIELD implosion, because they were setting things up early in the season for what happens later. I like good planning in writing.

    But yes, I’m enjoying Agent Carter. Hopefully that does well too.

  • Uncle Dan

    R5-D4 pops up and explodes in their faces?

  • TapewormBike

    Wait, not Rich’s dick?

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Of course is not out yet, but I think we have two scenarios after the release. 1. This is one of the stupidest vanity project ever to be released or 2. this is an interesting art house film (not necessarily good).

  • TapewormBike

    It is being made by a guy that has Sandler as his hero in life, I think it will be borderline unwatchable cringefest. And I like those.

  • TapewormBike

    It is being made by a guy that has Sandler as his hero in life, I think it will be borderline unwatchable cringefest. And I like those.

  • Joe Syxpac

    This Rich unit has a bad motivator.

  • CRAAWWW
  • CRAAWWW
  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    I had that in mind with the second scenario. Imagine if, by the end of the runtime, David is distressed with the fact that Sandler is not his hero. Then, David begins to a journey of self-evaluation. The end.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    That’s the only music video that’s ever made me cry. Such a beautiful piece of work.

    Uh, I mean, uh…. lose the blonde wig, you hack fraud pre-teen!

  • TapewormBike

    “But that was my past. Now, having seen Transformers 4, I have finally realized that what I really want in life, is to get a T- Shirt signed by Michael Bay” Credits

  • fred

    I don’t care much for James Bond since he could be anybody.

    Captain America didn’t necessarily have to die for me to enjoy the movie. The first half was decent until he turned superhuman and fought in a lazy montage plucked straight from the trailer. That was when the movie was obviously rushed in order to get to the Avengers.

  • fred

    Was Bucky that one person who thought he was a character?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It’s the opposite of I Think We’re Alone Now. It just might work!

  • Joe Syxpac

    Got another merch idea.

    Fuck You, it’s January calender. Every month is January with all the release dates of the crap movies we can expect this year printed on the dates.

    So it’s a Fuck You, it’s January/Fuck You, it’s Year crossover thing.

  • ninja egyptologist

    I think it was a remake of Endless Summer II which was a sequel to The Beach Boys-Pet Sounds

  • BlowingBubbles

    When they started listing off remakes for 2015, I literally didn’t know which ones were real and which ones were fake. I’m going to assume they’re all real, since that sounds like something Hollywood would do. I’m sure someone else said this somewhere, but I’m not going to scroll through 700 comments by Andrew Thompson to find out.

  • TapewormBike

    I am trying to think up a mistletoe equivalent for a FYiJ holiday. Maybe if you pass a poster for a remake or a sequel, you have to punch yourself in the face.

  • Syrophenikan

    Quite possibly the funniest installment of “F-U, It’s January” in the history of Januarys!

  • BlowingBubbles

    I hope that Doc ends with Adam Sandler in a Saw-like contraption where he has to joke his way out or be cut to death by barbed wire. He will of course fail.

  • TapewormBike

    One can hope.

  • Joe Syxpac

    You’d be dead after one trip to the theater.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    If you want a good one, try “Breaking the code” with Derek Jacobi as Alan Turing. This one was filmed for TV, but if you can find the actual broadway play, all the better.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S23yie-779k

  • Sully

    I think the RLM gang should live stream themselves watching the Golden Globes.
    At least the commentary would be an improvement.

  • TapewormBike

    With Jim if possible: “The boringness is boring me.”

  • BlowingBubbles

    This is a really good idea. I might just make some anyway. This is how we’re finally going to get the US postal service BACK ON TRACK!!

  • omitted

    Well, that was hauntingly beautiful, just like Chandelier.

  • Sully

    Invite’em ALL. Len, Matt, their faux-‘merican Canadian friends. Make it a real chip-n-dip event!

  • Joe Syxpac

    …or at least look like Harrison Ford.

  • Joe Syxpac

    See? Everybody wins!

  • BlowingBubbles

    How are you coming up with these? Are you a secret genius? Or a Baby Geniuses 2?

  • omitted

    It’s all fun and games until someone double dips!

  • TapewormBike

    Even Seinfeld references sound way too sexual from you.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m just glad he didn’t start with Arkham City. If he did, my bet would be he’d die in the first fight he gets into. That game is much less forgiving in terms of easing the player in to the combat.

  • Sully

    Double dippin’s where it’s at! Or as I like to call it… sloppy seconds.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I could never surpass Baby Geniuses 2.

  • TapewormBike

    Just to cheer up the mood, does anybody else think about the fact, that in the next few years we are bound to loose at least few people like Clint Eastwood, Christopher Lee. Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman…

  • instant relief

    Fuck me, it’s life.

  • TapewormBike

    No, this is Life. Now turn around, bitch.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Don’t forget all the younger actors that we’re gonna lose because they’re addicted to multiple prescription medications!

    THAT’s the list that always surprises.

  • Sully

    Can’t they drain the life of all the shitty new actors and live forever like Charlize Theron did in Kristen Stewart and the Huntsman?

  • TapewormBike

    Plenty of those this year, sadly.

  • Joe Syxpac

    The sequel to Boyhood?

  • Sully

    Look on the brightside; at least you have a tiny penis.

  • TapewormBike

    I have read it as “Well, yeah, if you’re an idiot”,

  • Joe Syxpac

    Would that have been funnier?

  • omitted

    I would LOVE a live commentary on the Eurovision Song Contest by the RLM gang. It would be late afternoon/early evening on a Saturday for ‘muricans, so I know they could make it work. Here’s a sample from last year’s Final:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ920cN2HmA&list=PLmWYEDTNOGUJEiWcqR2Vd45tssFlTnrjo&index=10

  • Uncle Dan

    Eurovision is one of the most amazing things that happens every year.

  • Billy_Whizz

    have they remade Back to the Future yet? maybe it’s time.

  • Billy_Whizz

    I think about that whenever I’m feeling down and it gives me a warm fuzzy glow.

  • StopThinkingBrainUrGoingToHurt

    Surprised a horde of internet feminists haven’t yet incessantly nagged Hollywood that the film wasn’t called “Girlhood”. It seems like a good idea, all the charm of Boyhood(TM) except someone starts bleeding.

  • Sully

    That was pretty cleav’tastic. I approve.

  • Sully

    I’ve literally watched the man paint an amazing valley and then watched as he covered over that glorious valley with a MASSIVE pine tree.
    Don’t get me wrong, it was the hap-hap-happiest goddamn pine tree in the world, but fuckin’ hell so was that valley.

    I WANTED THAT VALLEY, YOU LION-MANED SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!

  • Earth

    Thanks to Mike and Jay, when I saw the list of movies coming out this year I couldn’t help get excited for the all the Half in the Bag reviews we’re gonna get. Who cares about the movies, it’s all about the RLM hackfraud content!

  • Sully

    I think this may be the first year we actually see some modern movies on BotW. Wouldn’t that be a marvel (no pun intended)?

  • Tabajaras

    I busted my motivator laughing.

  • instant relief

    Thanks, you always bring warm feelings to my heart.

  • maggit
  • Grandpa Seth

    FUCK YOU, IT’S JANUARY: 2016
    Taken 4: 15 Of Your Hard Earned Dollars

    They thought stealing his heart medication would be easy. They thought his diabetes and arthritic hips would slow him down.
    They. Thought. Wrong.
    This summer, Liam Neeson’s corpse is . . . TAKEN

  • Robby

    What other movies do we have to look forward to in 2014, Mark?

  • Jean-François Martel

    sexy

  • Jegsimmons

    GOOD NEWS!!!

    Mad Max Fury Road is neither a sequel nor a remake! Its a midquel!

    And even better news!

    ITS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY-r5-k5e04

  • Jegsimmons

    You better see Mad Max Fury Road.

    shits uses mostly practical effects, only the Storm in the trailers is cgi.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And yet Roger Moore endures.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    It looks good, but too soon to tell anything.

  • Palpatine

    Here’s two hours of Jay imitating a Wookiee:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l5h3SIWO6o

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Did you make this?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    have have*

  • omitted

    After just one minute my mouth is twitching exactly like Mike’s.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Aka Kristen Stewart Fucks the Director?

  • Palpatine

    Are you kidding me? I have better things to do with my time. Like playing the slots at the casino.

  • omitted

    What has he had?

  • Palpatine

    The person who made it had you in mind.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Fredom?

  • Sully

    Someone shoulda told her she had the job.

  • Sully

    Hole

  • Sully

    The fact that its original creator is making it gives me hope.
    I wonder how able he was to resist the urge to CG the shit out of it?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I take it you gave up rebuilding the Empire?

  • Sully

    What’s on second.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I was thinking of making another ‘re-edit’ where it was only Mike’s awkward laughs or their awkward noises. Would that be a good idea?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “You will be an ideal to strive against.”

  • Palpatine

    Pretty much.

  • Sully

    Which system has better sluts slots?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “He’s like the pizza of acting: even when it’s bad, I want to have sex with Tom Hardy.”

    I’m going to use this line out of context one day with friends. Them I’m going to laugh really hard to myself and everyone will back away slowly.

  • Palpatine

    The Taj Mahal of course. Me and Plinkett go there all the time.

  • not ted danson

    There’s a huge fucking sandstorm in it, with vehicles being blown all over the place. Urge not resisted.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Rabbott & Costco!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Boyhood will win in the drama category despite not doing anything new or well done. Seriously the Golden Globes are a joke to everybody.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Wow. Star Wars Episode 7 is going to be great! I love gambling films!

  • Palpatine

    Gambling did win the freedom of Lord Vader when he was a kid.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well speaking of anal beads

  • Sully

    Probably would’ve been better.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Boyhood you can skip. The film does nothing really new or innovative and the story is blah. The Lego Movie you should see. The comments it makes on Hollywood movies is funny as hell and the message at the end of the film is wonderful. And the animation is fantastic. I have not seen Into the Woods because films that are adaptations of stage plays usually suck unless Kenneth Branagh makes them.

  • Sully

    Well, it’s essentially an industry circle jerk, which is why it needs outside commentators.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh did you get to rebuild it instead? Kylo Ren?

  • Palpatine

    We’ll have to wait and see.

  • omitted

    I can’t stop cumming!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    How else would Miller would make a giant ass sandstorm? A real one could kill his actors

  • Jegsimmons

    its one scene dude.

    80% of the movie has no cgi and 90% fo the cgi is environment corrections and removing stunt wires

  • Jegsimmons

    yep. those things literally grind your skin off.

  • Jegsimmons

    Plus we’re forgetting a few things.

    doubleneck flame throwing guitar
    monster trucks
    real crashes, explosions, stunts
    actual color in a movie
    140 cars made just to destroy for this movie alone
    george miller

  • not ted danson

    Well, i hope you’re right, because most of that trailer looked pretty damn cool.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “ITS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Are you a time-traveller? How can you say it’s awesome?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Does anyone else here fucking hate musicals? I fucking hate musicals.

    Did I mention I fucking hate musicals?

  • Palpatine

    I don’t mind musicals, but why do the people in them have to sing their conversations? Is that just the norm in the musical universe?

  • Sully

    I don’t mind them. Like any genre, some are great… some are the pure shit sacks.
    For instance, I really like Rent.
    But Lucas’ new faerie movie looks dumb as fuck.

    And I really like faerie stories. They’re just habitually done BAD!

  • omitted

    I have to like musicals, otherwise they’ll take my gay card away.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Holy crap! 1000 comments in a day! It’s no Stream-a-Thon, but jeebies.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I fyucking hate fyucking musicals. I hate them so fyucking much. Even the rock fyucking musicals like Tommy. Fyucking musicals!

    The only thing I hate more than musicals are fyucking superhero movies.

    Edit: For some reason, I exempt Disney animated musicals. Except for FROZEN. Fyucking FROZEN! Fyucking HATE, HATE, HATE that fyucking thing.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Did AWESOME consent?

    If not, FURY ROAD is a rapist.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You’ve seen the trailer? He did not resist the urge.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I don’t like them when they have to make five-minute musical numbers about the most meaningless things, thus stopping the story completely in its tracks. If the songs progress the story at the same time, I don’t mind them as much.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That would be BOAR’S TITS!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Amazing would have been funnier? Why?

  • Kaitscralt

    I’m terrified of the day I see a HITB for SW 7 because it will confirm Plinkett reviews are dead.

  • MikeFromCanmore

    Taco is a messenger of god !

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Bacon is delicious. Bacon would make even F*ck You, It’s January palatable.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You ain’t the boss o’ me.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Approved! *stamp*

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Just got back from INHERENT VICE.

    Laughed harder than I have in a long time. Then, it gets poignant, right around the time the beautiful, naked Katherine Waterston is taking her punishment from behind.

    Recommended.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Boneers?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    And the AIDS had ebola.

  • MikeFromCanmore

    it’s good too see you posting gif’s as always Faddlechud

  • Jason Ross

    Most of these simply cannot be real. For realz.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s what Detroit is for.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ew. You’ve gotten pizza all over your lap.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Because none of us can.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I like about 1 in 100 musicals with ‘Avenue Q’ as my go-to name check defense. Of the 1% of musicals that I like 100% of them are snarky, topical, or direct nods to culture/trends (disco, remakes, re-interpretations). It probably says something about me that I’m not able to admit or see in myself and will be discussed in future therapy. Did I say therapy? I mean Disqus.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You know what? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUwK7vyMWI0

    Although I still wouldn’t mind the loop. You know, should you happen to get inspired. 😀

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hi Taco!

    Maybe this has been covered already, but I went to bed early last night and missed about 700 comments.

    When movie capitalists say sh!t like “one of the weakest box office years” they are always only talking North American domestic, and they’re talking actual bills in the till. They’re hardly saying they didn’t make profits in proportions that would choke. And, it’s almost always an excuse for them to raise admission prices.

    For example, all the twits bragging about the huge success of this year’s *biggest* movie will never admit that ticket prices were upped by an average $2 before August last year. Check it. In February 2014, in Indianapolis, I was paying $5.50 for a matinee. By May, it was $6.50. Since August, it’s been $7.50. Do the math. Adjusted, GUARDIANS wouldn’t have cleared $300 million U.S. in any previous year, which is the (arbitrary) point that Hollywood has set for a movie to be a blockbuster “hit.”

    Simply put, they just change the measure any time they fyucking want to, which is why Box Office is too fickle a standard for success, let alone popularity or merit.

    It’s all Other People’s Money, anyway.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    DEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDD!

  • TapewormBike

    Nightmare before Christmas too?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I dunno. I just always used to hear nerds say “Bucky is dead,” until they started to say “Bucky is Captain America,” and then I stopped listening to nerds.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Okay, that I can get behind. And Cats.

  • TapewormBike

    It would be better, period

  • TapewormBike

    South Park?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    This made me spit soda through my nose, so Thank you!

  • TapewormBike

    Oh yeah. That would be the day.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m not sure I follow?

  • TapewormBike

    Bigger, Longer, Uncut was a great musical

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You didn’t know that? I knew that. It’s so odd that you’d think I didn’t know that.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh. I haven’t seen anything related to South Park in many, many years. Aside from a couple episodes here and there.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nah. Snyder did most of the book, panel for panel, shot by shot, yet he was unable to recreate the one thing that is most important. Tone. In this specific case: Pervasive Paranoia.

    The movie was Generic Superhero Adventure.

    Failure was epic.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    George Miller, is that you?

  • TapewormBike

    The movie was great.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Wait until you see the giant space squid (in this case, starfish) that will be in the JUSTICE LEAGUE movie.

    Then, you will reconsider “just way too awesome.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I saw PONTYPOOL.

    My eyes still aren’t talking to me.

  • fred

    Resurrection is a pretty big problem as well. Thanks to magic and Lazarus pits ‘n shit, any can come back to life. Overpopulation should be the new issue in future comics.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’ll take your word for it. I don’t know what it is about South Park but I really just can’t bring myself to follow it actively. I don’t dislike it or anything. I guess I’m just indifferent.

  • TapewormBike

    I am thinking about getting and maybe actually watching some movies instead of watching Good Eats. What is that little unknown movie you keep bothering people to watch? I might listen to you.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Whenever any sidekick / damsel / innocent civilian is at risk in comics, the hero should just kick his feet up and pop open a beer and say, “Cool. Got the night off. We’ll just punch a hole in the timestream tomorrow or something and they’ll be back, good as new.”

  • TapewormBike

    I have not watched the show in years as well, but seriously just Youtube Mountain Town Song or La Resistance. Some of the catchiest tunes ever. Also the TV documentary Six Days to Air about literally having 6 days to write and produce SP episode before airing is pretty great.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Haven’t seen that since I was a kid. That might be an exception. I think I was talking about I generally hate musicals but there are odd exceptions.

    It’s like generally disliking horror films even though there are some really good horror films. The vast majority that come out now are horrorble.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I hear Boyhood is a masterpiece of flawlessness.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    SOUTH PARK is, I think, on whole, the best satire that’s out there these days.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Did you ever see THE GREAT SANTINI?

  • TapewormBike

    With the horror, there is so much stuf being produced that we are guaranteed at least some sort of interesting flick from time to time, with the rest being copypasted dumb borefests. But there is much fewer musicals and while I am no big fan of them generally (go fuck yourself Le Mis), there is couple of movies that rank super high on my list that are also musicals. Sweeney Todd was actually pretty good for Tim Burton puts Johnny Depp in white make up movie too.

  • TapewormBike

    I am busy with my manhood, maybe I’ll check it out later.

  • TapewormBike

    Nope, looking at info now.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ♪ Will you pass the salt, please? ♪
    ♫ Yes, I’ll pass the salt, darling. ♫
    ♪ Thank you for the salt, Louise. ♪
    ♫ Please use it sparingly. ♫

    ♪ ♫ Sparingly. ♫ ♪
    ♪ ♫ Sparingly. ♫ ♪
    ♪ ♫ Sparingly. ♫ ♪
    ♪ ♫ Sparingly. ♫ ♪
    ♪ ♫ Sparingly. ♫ ♪

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Musicals work best on stage or in the animated form. If not usually it sucks, like Chicago. Even in the animated form it can suck, look at Frozen or Strange Magic.

  • Adzl33t

    Im sure people that like a fun action comedy don’t have the same taste for pretentious art house fluff

  • TapewormBike

    It has Robert Duvall in it, that’s like 10 points plus.

  • Adzl33t

    I knew that film would be lame, it’s from the writer of Lost

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I actually prefer art-house stuff to action or comedy.

    You’re right, though. Pretentious aches me.

    I saw the trailer for KINGSMAN, though, and nothing screamed “fun action comedy” to me.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Double upvote for the opinion.

    No detraction for double-posting.

  • Palpatine

    The Phantom of the Opera from 2004 is another example. Sure the movie looks nice, but actors in it weren’t trained singers. Which is a shame, because the people in it are decent actors.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Both.

  • TapewormBike

    Gerard Butler was in that, right?

  • Palpatine

    That’s right. And no, there’s no scenes of him kicking ass.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    You probably never heard of it but Gorrila Interrupted is a pretty fun piece of shit movie.

  • TapewormBike

    I am pretty sure I took someone on a date in highschool to see it and pretty sure it didn’t help.

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah, but when that fuck Bauman replaced some of the original effects, I was done with it.

  • Palpatine

    Women and girls like because they think Gerry is one sexy Phantom. Newsflash, the Phantom isn’t supposed to be sexy, he’s supposed to have a face uglier than mine.

  • TapewormBike

    Lon Chaney, now there is a Phantom I would actually wanna fuck.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Not in the musical. The musical has a whole Twilight-vibe-thingy going on.

    In the musical, Phantom got abs, bro.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It also comes down to the director as well. Joel Schumacher can direct somethings but what he direct does not make him qualified to direct a musical.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Gay porno?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Ooh. An exception to my rule!

    No. That qualifies under the Animated Exemption. I’m consistent!

  • TapewormBike

    Rocky Horror?

  • Jegsimmons

    Yes i traveled time.

    Spoilers, Fury Road wins 12 oscars and breaks 3 billion dollars.

    James Cameron then kills himself.

  • Jegsimmons

    well the original 3 had plenty of rape.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    HATE, HATE, HATE that thing.

    But, to be honest, that’s probably due to the fanbase.

    Oh, and Meatloaf.

  • Palpatine

    The only good Schumacher movie I can think of is Lost Boys. I never seen St. Elmo’s Fire, Batman Forever is “meh”, and Batman and Robin needs no explanation.

  • TapewormBike

    Phone Booth was OK, if I recall correctly.

  • TapewormBike

    I would not be able to stand those screenings, luckily, no such tradition in here.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    So, let’s not do the Time Warp again?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, if that last thing is the result, I’m rooting for it.
    I’ll buy two thousand IMAX tickets.
    Anything to prevent more fyucking tall blue cat movies.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Raaape. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Masturbation joke?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That was the joke Cosby told the crowd last night.

  • UpTheChooper

    The Phantom Menace of the Opera?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Lettuce. Not.

  • TapewormBike

    Joke? Eh, well, my penis is pretty laughable.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Jay Lucas? George Bauman?

    The worst part of Gorilla, Interrupted was that annoying guy that played the hunter.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You WERE drinking that night.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Asian joke?

    What? I’m not racist!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Topical. I laughed.

    *This comment somehow triggers feminists.*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    #TRIGGERED

  • Palpatine

    ♫ Oh little darlin’. My little darlin’. ♪
    ♪ Oh where, ar-are you? ♪
    ♪ Hoopa Hoopa Hoopa. ♪
    ♪ Kno-ow well-a. That my love-a. ♪
    ♪ Yeah yeah yeah! ♪
    ♪ Wa-as just fo-or you. ♪
    ♪ Only YOOOOUUUU!! ♫

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They just can’t imagine it in the Cosby voice.

    It’s hysterical if you imagine it in the Cosby voice.

    RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE.

  • TapewormBike

    Ah, Garret, yes. Mike hated him too.

  • TapewormBike

    Of coulse not.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Beep bop booddily blop raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaape.

  • TapewormBike

    That be every night, baby.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    A guy hat? There are gender roles for headwear now?

    Two steps forward, three steps back.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I get it! I get the joke!

  • TapewormBike

    Louisanananananana

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Dummy me, I didn’t. I was sitting here waiting for him to collect his typo.

    #ApologiesSpelled”Aporrogies”IsRacist

  • Cream-A-Thon

    ‘The Delicate Art of the Rifle’ comes to mind as one of the best independent films I’ve seen. It lacks all the check marks ticked by (modern) independent films and doesn’t beat you over the head with cleverness, instead it sort of simmers clever, and sometimes thats enough.

  • instant relief
  • TapewormBike

    Looks interesting, thanks!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    OK, so my problem with SELMA is not that they changed LBJ to be the dramatic villain, nor that they “thugged” up Dr. King to appeal to the Tupac generation. That’s “dramatic license.”

    My problem was with all the stylistic flourishes — slo-mo, fish-eyed lens, airbrushed lighting. That sh!t ejected me from the experience. Well, that and the fyucking hip-hop anthem.

    Such an important story. Such an historical giant. You don”t need to juice it up. The truth was on your side. All you’ve done is give the bigots an opportunity to assail your credibility.

    #JustMyOpinion

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Oh, and — yeah — see BLUE RUIN if you haven’t.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Feeling better, then, bubby?

  • TapewormBike

    Interesting. LBJ did seem like a character in real life too. Have you seen Fog of War? Some of the stuff when they play the tapes is chilling.

  • Wicked Ricky

    Without another Plinkett review, I’d have to kill myself.

  • Kaitscralt
  • Wicked Ricky

    Hmm, let’s check my calender.

    Shit, SHIT!! SSSSSSHHHHHIIIIITTTTTTnpf98y38j/lksdf’

    IT’S JANUARY

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    All politicians are characters, and LBJ was no kinda saint. But, truth is, he and King did NOT spar over civil rights or voting rights. Their argument came over the Vietnam War. It was contentious, but it was much later than the events of the movie.

    To come out and say, “Everybody sees history differently and this is how I see it,” is, basically, saying you’re part of the problem, too.

  • TapewormBike

    I am looking forward to seeing that one for sure.

  • TapewormBike

    I agree. I mean, “historical” movies do usually end up more as cariers of some sorta moral message than an actual attempt to get under the skin of the real people and issues.

  • GHOSTWRITTA word

    “the Tupac generation”

    You mean 40 year olds?

  • Uncle Dan

    I showed it to a friend of mine, and she actually liked him. So… humour is subjective, I guess.

    But yeah, he really doesn’t fit.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    ZING!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    At least SELMA is no LINCOLN. Nor are its sins as egregious as THE IMITATION GAME’s. You know, where truth is discarded wholly to make way for a personal contemporary agenda.

    And, in a way, that’s even more frustrating to me, about SELMA. I can’t in any way dismiss it because it gets so much perfectly correct. Just too bad that, for me, the stuff it gets wrong is ruinous.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    *Cocks shotgun.*

    “I’ll go first.”

  • Uncle Dan

    Musicals work as one off things. Joss Whedon is a fan of the Musical Episode. I also rather like Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog.

    But otherwise, yeah, go see a musical on stage.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    OK, then…The Kanye Generation.

  • TapewormBike

    He reminds me of several people I met in highschool and uni, we all know one I think. Too hyper to actually deliver joke properly, but always trying to be funny.

  • Wicked Ricky

    AKA, The Greatest Generation

  • omitted

    Cocks? Where?

  • TapewormBike

    Oh, you mean Nicki generation

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “The Greatest Generation” is at least 70 years-old, the fyucking racists / sexists / fyuckheads.

    #LoveYouGrandma

  • Uncle Dan

    A shotgun shooting cocks?

    Those poor chickens.

  • Wicked Ricky

    ‘Cock Shotgun’ sounds like the lead character in Tarantino’s next movie.

  • TapewormBike

    You are laser focused, sir

  • Wicked Ricky

    No, and Kanye is the voice of a generation. And that voice says ‘DDDRRRRRR’

    God, I hope you don’t think I’m serious.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    How long before Tarantino puts Stallone in one of his movies?

    I hope the character is named Cock Shotgun, because that would be perfect.

  • Uncle Dan

    I don’t know why, but I’m reminded of a Russian movie named “Admiral” based on the important years of Admiral Kolchak’s life, who led the Whites during the Russian Civil War.

    It had the framework of a historical epic, but got caught up in a love triangle between him, his wife, and a mistress. I mean what?

    That’s kind of what The Imitation Game looks like.

  • Uncle Dan

    I really, really don’t understand any of the fuss about Kanye. Some people love him, some people love him ironically, some people think he’s a prick… and I don’t really know anything.

  • Uncle Dan

    I’m thinking Robert Rodriguez, and a cock-mounted shotgun.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh yeah, the guy from Night Watch was in that, right? Could have been a great movie. Russian Ark was actually great.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    RUSSIAN ARK is sensational.

  • TapewormBike

    Very much so, you have to understand I saw it couple of years ago for hipster reasons.

  • TapewormBike

    That one scene in it is great though

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Every generation gets the voice it deserves.

    But, no — I didn’t think you were serious. How could you be? Most people have never heard a Kanye *song*.

  • Uncle Dan

    Russian movies really benefit from sheer scale. Those Russian war movies still made battle scenes with lots of extras in costume up until recently. 9th Company was mostly okay, but it’s cool watching all that old Soviet equipment being used because the Russian military needed money and leased it out.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    He’s a gay fish.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    LOL.

    Which one? Oh, I know the one you mean.

  • Palpatine

    I looked it that up and found this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJM386OYifI

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Sublime cinematography but does it have anything else going for it?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    The force of history.
    Plus, it’s fyucking spooky.

    #So,ThisIsWhatYouSoundLikeWhenYouTryToSoundProfound

  • TapewormBike

    Is there any movie you guys would like to see remade? I think it should be done more with badly executed movies with god premises rather than just trying to recapture magic of a good original. And as far as sequels go, where the fuck is Crank 3?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Hipsters get a bad rap.
    I still prefer them to fanboys.

  • TapewormBike

    I was into hipsters before they were.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Can’t wait for that Blood Beat remake by Jay Bauman.

  • Uncle Dan

    Remake Miami Connection?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    No! No more God premises!

    Honestly, no. Even when I see a movie that I think could’ve been done better I think, fyuck it, it’s been done. I am in favor of original stories. Well, as original as “original” can be these days.

    I’m even souring on adaptations. Not every book HAS to be a film, you know?

  • TapewormBike

    “A Fucking Samurai”

  • Uncle Dan

    It depends how much you’re into Russian history. I am, so I got something out of it. I wouldn’t watch it again, though.

  • Kaitscralt

    Space Cop remake.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Which one was BLOOD BEAT?

    The one with monster trucks, orgasmic samurai hoo-ha, or Daniel?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m seeing The Imitation Game Tuesday. Now I’m curious what I’m getting myself into.

    That said I enjoyed Argo even though it basically ignores all the hard work Canadians did in the crisis because ‘Murica.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Everybody experiments in college.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m experimenting with debt in university.

    “How high can I gooooooo?!”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    ARGO totally credited Candadia!

    Look, IMITATION GAME is very enjoyable movie-going. We’ll talk about truth after you’ve seen it.

    Edit: I always misspell Canada, not outta disrespect, but because you once typoed it “Candadia” and I thought it was, like, a thing.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Both.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I recommend the sci-fi musical ‘Voyage of the Rock Aliens’ (1984) starring Pia Zadora and featuring Jermaine Jackson in his prime. The entire movie is on the You Tube and the trailer is here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=przLQ8-m7GI

    It’s a little ‘too good’ for ‘Best of the Worst’ (competent direction, budget creativity, originality) but might be good for ‘Half in the Bag’ for the production goofs, 80’s-isms, and rarity.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Threeth?

  • TapewormBike

    Man, you be flying soon.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The thank you was like a PS at the end of a novel.

    “PS – Oh yeah, thanks Canada for, like, helping out with some stuffffff.”

    Meanwhile I was in the theatre and was like, “Yeah, Canada!” Then I wiped away the icicles that formed on my nose and snowmobiled home.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    My original reply was, “Wait, those were all different movies?” But then I felt like being ‘cool’.

  • TapewormBike

    The fuck? Where is the moose?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I can’t wait until the reboot of The Phantom Menace.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Look, unless a Candadian did the make-ups for PLANET OF THE APES, then argo fyuck yourself.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    At home in bed waiting for me.

  • TapewormBike

    I have booted and rebooted it thoroughly, again and again.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    btw one of the brothers behind Crank movies has just done a found footage exorcism movie. I can only hope it’s at least half as trashy,unapologetic and self aware as a Crank movie.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You can be nothing else, bub.

  • TapewormBike

    Those guys are brothers? And oh yeah, hopefully.

  • TapewormBike

    SCHNIKIT!

  • Uncle Dan

    I kind of like the idea of those screenings just as a phenomenon. “Oh, that’s an interesting thing that people do to participate with a movie.”

    I might do it once if I had a group of friends who were going, but otherwise nahhhhh.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash
  • dollar store cashier wife

    lol just checked on imdb and apparently they are not brothers.I suppose I thought you needed a special relationship to put together something like Crank in a collaborative effort.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh holy shit, I thought I made that show up in my head! They ran it on early mornings and I had very vague memories of it.

  • Jegsimmons

    i wish

  • Jegsimmons

    get back in the field before i start whipping you boy….and your name is TOBY!!!

  • its called bleach

    is it actually a reboot, or just a snappy headline? people posting seem convinced well find out what the fuck happened when megabyte was in their base. also if we dont find that out ill throw things

  • Jegsimmons

    im 100% right. Straight from Millers mouth to this comment

  • TapewormBike

    Check out an episode of How Did This Get Made podcast (I think 30someting) of Crank 2. They have one of the guys on and he is very honest about not giving a single fuck. It’s a great listen.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Untrue! Resubscribe!

    Truth is, I’m only a Batman fanboy (doesn’t the “i” imply homosexuality, and how do I *know* that?).

  • Uncle Dan

    I rewatched Bigger Longer Uncut a few months ago and enjoyed it even more than I did as a youngun.

  • Jegsimmons

    his other joke was “9 out of ten people enjoy gang rape”

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I wouldn’t mind seeing a new live-action ‘Metropolis’ in the hands of Wim Wenders or Paul Verhoeven.The classic will always be there but a new, taught, visually stunning re-working would cause me to actually leave my house and go to a theater. Outside. Shudder.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Lettuce consider the points you raise that I feel are important or I care about…

    Um.

    “Grounded Marvel CInematic Universe” THAT’S hiLARious!

  • Uncle Dan

    I think Jay said that musical numbers should never stop the movie in its tracks. So it can be a good way to keep the plot moving if it’s a scene that just happens to be sung.

  • TapewormBike

    Hey, there is always figure skating.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I know what bleach is but I haven’t an idea of what you’re typing about.

  • James McKenzie

    He also nailed JJ Abrams for Star Wars, and he almost perfectly nailed Star Trek: Into Darkness

  • Uncle Dan

    I like showing people “Living in Oblivion” and I don’t know if it counts as a little unknown movie, because it has star talent in it, but it’s a great watch.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Love, Disqus!

  • Mark Bisone

    I’d like to see a dark, gritty remake of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, starring Olivia Wilde as Dottie, Jonah Hill as Francis Buxton, Mandy Patinkin as The Amazing Larry, the ghost of Divine as Large Marge and a CGI version of Paul Walker as Pee-Wee Herman. Shot in HFR and IMAX 3D by Paul Greengrass.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Look. Your group of friends want to dress up like trannies and go throw toast at a theater screen, sure. By all means, go. Once. Pursuit of happiness. They wanna go every Friday night for the next thirty years? You need new friends.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Airplane pornograhpy

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    If I were to reboot a film, I think I’d reboot _Interstellar_, that is if we’re talking about having loads of money [hundreds of millions] to spend for your own amusement.

    That film had a lot of potential. I think I’d try to stick closer to Kip Thorne’s original idea of having 6 wormholes and 5 black holes. I’d be unapologetically scientific and 2001-esque [I haven’t even seen that film … WHAT?!]. It seems Nolan shied away from being too difficult to follow and dumbed down some things. “That’s relativity, folks.” Uh, what? The discussions the astronauts would have with each other about the scientific aspects would have been more interesting than some of the crap they ended up talking about.

    I may keep the father-daughter thing, but he’d never see her again. That tesseract idea was cool, but I think I’d ditch the pretty stupid and contrived post-apocalypse idea. ‘Blight’? Nope. They’re explorers. They’re going through these wormholes for the sake of exploration, expanding the sphere of human knowledge and experience, not because the world will die out in a generation or whatever. The whole Dr. Mann bullshit was weak, too. “I’ll just kill these people even though they’d probably help me anyways once they find out I’m lying.”

    Also, I’d try to avoid the pitfalls that Nolan seems to have when it comes to editing. Sometimes scenes and whole subplots seemed shoved together. The stories don’t seem to flow very well and feel haphazard. During key sequences in the film we’re not even sure how much time is passing, which is especially problematic when gravitational time dilation is one of the main aspects of the film.

    How long does it take them to get from Saturn to the wormhole? Where is the wormhole in relation to Saturn? What kind of propulsion system does the Endurance have? There are 12 ‘pods’ on the Endurance. What’s inside of them? How long does it take them to get near the planets once they’re near the black hole? How long does it take Cooper and crew to get from the Endurance to Miller’s planet, the one with intense time dilation? How long are they there for? It seems like only a few minutes pass between waves while Cooper and Brand are talking even though the waves are apparently 1 hour apart. How big is the black hole? How big is the wormhole? Where are the three planets in relation to Gargantua? Where’s the neutron star? Where’s the wormhole in relation to Gargantua?

    I think I’d focus a lot more on training for the mission, the interaction between the crew so you actually care when [if] the fuckers die, and Cooper might just die inside of the tesseract instead of being pooped out near Saturn. The mission would take a lot longer than the one in the movie.

    Some of these things I’ve thought of just now. Others I’ve been thinking about for a while. I feel showing more space and having them know just how terribly far away they are from home would really help with the idea of being far away from Earth, in near complete isolation. Space is fucking immense and scary, yo. There were very few moments where I actually felt that in _Interstellar_.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Shot in HFR and IMAX 3D by Paul Greengrass.”

    That’s the funniest fucking thing.

  • TapewormBike

    That movie is fucking great, Buscemi rules.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Amanda Todd would know what we’re typing about.

    Too soon?

  • TapewormBike

    “Vomitastic!”

    The Guardian

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Why DON’T we ever hear of entertainment causing epileptic seizures any more?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    From Cleared for Takeoff‘s director Fred Levine!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    We’ve really progressed as a society. Before we’d just burn you at the stake but now we’re giving and taking away card privileges. Pretty soon you’ll be able to marry and be miserable like everyone else! 😀

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t even know who that is.

  • omitted

    I would like to be known as the Finnish Weapon from now on. Holler if you know what (half of a) movie I just watched.

  • TapewormBike

    Lucky you, Pa, lucky you.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Batman never sucks.”

    Bruce Wayne, on the other hand …

    Yes, this is a blow job joke.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    LETHAL WEAPON in Finnish subtitles?

  • TapewormBike

    Omi, obviously we watch loads of gay porn, but still not as much.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I wrote a paper about it. I didn’t do very well [not what the professor wanted], but the movie was great!

    PS – See, Pa Kent, I got it done!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The guy who said no more Elizabeth porn?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I had a doubt once, but it wasn’t about that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That has to be made first

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    ♪ Starships were meant to flyyyyyy

    *Footage of the Challenger explosion and Columbia burning up on reentry.*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “In the future it’s on DVD, in the past it hasn’t been made yet.”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    CareBoars

  • TapewormBike

    I should probably go to bed, Or is it normal when your leprechaun sings in purple?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s almost like a different person wrote this comment…

    http://i.imgur.com/E3Rqlol.png

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Is that code-speak for something?

  • TapewormBike

    (howls)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Fie! I say, FIE!

    Bruce Wayne is all about the puss-say.

  • Mr. R

    It normally tells me to burn things

  • TapewormBike

    That’s how you speak Youtube though.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Don’t touch it any more. Let it heal.

  • Sully

    I knew there would be some CG. That’s pretty unavoidable these days. I don’t even think industry insurance companies will even allow certain stunts anymore, but as long as the CG is Tokyo Drift bad, then I’m fine.

  • Sully

    That’s perfectly normal. However, if your newt starts dancing in division, then your fuckin’ days are numbered.

  • Palpatine
  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    IMPOSTER! RED ALERT! That’s not me, that’s some evil twin!

    But seriously, I can both really enjoy a film yet concede many of its shortcomings. Art is subjective, no? Like I say here, the film had a lot of potential. That comment was about _Interstellar_ inspiring me to read up more about both the film itself and science/cosmology. I guess my love for the film wasn’t so much for the execution, but the ideas inside said film and its inspiration imparted upon me [in my previous comment, it’s my inspiration to improve upon the execution of said ideas].

    The movie has many flaws, and I can acknowledge them, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also be engrossed in it [or, the very least, the ideas and the science behind them]. It’s true, though, it’s one of the few movies I’ve been thinking about this much after I’ve seen it. I think this has more to do with me really enjoying science fiction and space films, especially harder science fiction.

    Nolan and crew, I feel, delivered a good movie, but it could have been great, going back to my “had a lot of potential” comment here. That and a good dose of hyperbole since, you know, YouTube. I didn’t feel like writing a bunch of negativity along with my praise as I did here.

    tl;dr Both comments are made by me and I don’t see how they contradict each other.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’ve a feeling the movie will be shit.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Gonna be the absolute worst of a very, very bad summer.

  • Sully

    This is what happens when you overthink a story. I agree with all of your changes.
    I think Nolan’s biggest shortcoming with Interstellar was the lack of faith he had in his target audience, but then again, maybe that wasn’t his shortcoming, and he was forced to dumb down the story at the studio’s request.
    Either way, I found the movie enjoyable, but it was definitely… lacking.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Rawr.”

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “C’mon raptor buddies. I need your help!”

  • Ogrot

    My nausea guided my entertainment! — Jack Packard

  • Sully

    Time leads to thinking.
    Thinking leads to overthinking.
    Overthinking leads to change of heart.

    (but, like, in Yoda’s best Kermit voice)

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Overthinking time leads to.
    Heart changes overthinking does.

  • Sully

    SOLD!

  • Sully

    I’m glad I’m not the only one that noticed Yoda’s little speech was one of the few times he broke character.
    He did it in Empire also.

  • Shakes_McQueen

    Yes, you’ve got the whole “being a condescending wanker on the internet” thing down pat, where you seize on the one thing you can be a jerk about, and ignore everything else.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Sure I get it.I liked quite a few things about Interstellar but I despised plently of things about it as well. BTW Don’t think I’m some stalker-youtube suggested me this Interstellar promo for upcoming award sessions and it just so happend your comment was like 2nd or 3rd highest rated one.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    But, I didn’t notice. I didn’t even know you were doing a “quote Yoda” thing. I was just mocking.

    You’ve met me, right?

    #TheOneGuyHereForWhomStarWarsIsNotAThing

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Exposition has been his problem since 1998.I was giving him the benefit of the doubt for a while but with Interstellar it was more clear then ever that is something he will put in there regardless whether the studio forces him or not.So many things that could have been shown visually or not shown at all because the audience isn’t stupid is instead done in endless,dry,clunky exposition dumps.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    “Let’s help the charming guy.”
    “I’d rather eat him.”
    “We can eat him later.”
    “OK. I can see where this goes. As long as there’s a meal.”
    “You’ll get fed! Jeebus!”
    “I’m just sayin’.”

    *Translated from the raptor form of primordial communication*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Oh yeah, that’s the video that comment was on. I think my “Loved it!” was literally about the trailer itself. I quite enjoy that track and am glad they extended it for the ‘trailer’.

    Yeah, I realize the comment was higher up. No stalker vibes … yet.

    *Lucas’ faded face slowly scrolls into frame from the lower corner.*

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “I luv ma dau-der forevur.”

    Interstellar

  • dollar store cashier wife

    For all the easter eggs and inspiration it took from 2001 Interstellar really should have allowed more time to take in those gorgeous visuals and allowed immersing yourself in the atmosphere as opposed to constantly cutting back to our characters explaining shit to each other

  • Palpatine

    As in one big pile of shit?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    When they were passing Saturn and we could see just how small they were compared to both the planet and the bleak emptiness, I really did feel a sense of the sublime. That was helped by the few slow notes Zimmer played on the organ. I was hoping that would go on for at least a minute but Nolan rushed to go back to the crew.

    We never really get a sense that they’re large distances away from home or that they’re truly alone in far away galaxy [10 billion light years, I guess]. It would have been nice for the film to take its time with those things. The voyage itself is interesting, not just the destinations. Instead they decide to take their sweet time with the annoying Dr. Mann subplot. That felt like an unwanted detour and could have been rewritten or completely omitted [the word, not the name] and the film would have been pretty much the same. That whole part didn’t add much to the film for me.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I said it before and I’ll say it again-Dr.Mann subplot is bar none the worst thing about Interstellar.Tone wise it was like something taken out from another movie.Writting wise it’s stupid and predictable throughout.

  • Sully

    True, but the exposition was… dumber (imho) in Interstellar than it was in, say, Inception, the latter of which I enjoyed quite a bit but as it was, a heist film.

  • Sully

    Even though I mentioned I was doing a Yoda thing in the comment?
    You’ve wowed me yet again, my young Maybelline.

  • Sully

    You… you’re tenacious.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    From what I remember alot of exposition in Inception was aided by visuals as well.It was more organic in alot of ways.

  • Palpatine

    That’s that’s chaos theory.

  • Sully

    CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR!!!

    I, uh.. have no idea. I just love Tom Hanks so– so very much.

  • Sully

    Now I’m sitting here by myself… er ehh… talking to myself. That’s… that’s chaos theory.

  • Spock Interrupted

    Highlander.
    Not that it isn’t any good, it has some of the best scene transitions…
    But it’s a bit too goofy in places and the special effects suck.

  • Sully

    Robot Jox. That movie was awesomely shit, and I think it could be done really well… pure schlock, but well. Think Pacific Rim, but with political intrique, and a less retarded jungle gym.

  • Spock Interrupted

    Aye.

  • Sully

    I have the feeling Interstellar was a bit rushed.
    That or Nolan is slowly descending into the trap of being too comfortable with his own “talents.”

  • Flora Posteschild

    You have a point. If it’s loose, funny, and not too impressed with itself, I’ll see it.

    I sometimes have a problem — and this was also a problem with the originals — with a post-apocalyptic world where no one is too busy to do their hair, wardrobe, and makeup. Disbelief must be suspended.

  • Sully

    Christ Pratt: Dino-Whisperer.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    My D wrecks, if you know what I mean…

    I have a small penis.

  • Sully

    Highlander is another on my list.
    Maybe actually hire a scottish guy to play the Highlander this time. You know, because sense.
    And, I’m going way out on a limb here, and feel free to slap me back to reality, but perhaps a spaniard to play the spaniard.

    Annnnd perhaps some sword flights by guys that seem like they’ve had a few centuries to practice.

  • Sully

    Great. You guys are multiplying.

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    Speaking of things that have been remade…. you know how the Green Hornet’s theme music is a remix of Flight of the Bumblebee, even though he’s the green HORNET? Do you think, like, if insects were sentient that Hornets would get offended by that? You know, how people get offended when they cast a chinese actress for a japanese part?

  • Flora Posteschild

    I assume its name was changed from Diabolus rex to Indominus rex to capture the all-important Jesus or Adam and Eve rode a dinosaur market.

  • Sully

    Yeah… I do. I think that.

  • Sully

    Only if it were still a silent film.

  • Spock Interrupted

    So, Gerard Butler or Ewan Mcdonald, with Antonio Banderas or Benicio del Toro?

    Don’t know who would play the Kurgan, though, cuz Clancy nailed it.
    It was ultimately the directors fault or the producer’s maybe?

    The film started very well and Connery and even Christopher Lambert didn’t do a bad job…

    Until they went full retard with the Kurgan being a clown, playing chicken with trucks and scaring grandmas in the hood of a car.
    Along with other ‘gems’.
    Oh well…

  • Like Icare

    He’s a pawn.

  • Warlord X

    The only thing I’m looking forward to this year is the Jurassic Park sequel because I grew up watching them as a kid and therefore want to pay for warm feelings of nostalgia. Otherwise f**k movies.

  • Sully

    Gerard works. He’s got the sword training, as does Antonio.

    For the Kurgan? Well… the Kurgan was Russian, so maybe hire a Russian actor?
    What about Igor Jijikine?

  • Like Icare

    Not sure about hands, but it has to change jaws only once for it to become grandma’s/grandpa’s gold.

    While we’re on the subject…
    There’s money to be made in graveyards.
    Unless someone got to those buried gold teeth and jewelery first.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I was going to say Metropolis as a joke.

    Directed by Brett Ratner.

  • Like Icare

    Yeah, but think of all the NEW stickers we could collect!

  • Spock Interrupted

    I don’t know (i’m not doubting, i really didn’t know who he is, had to google him)

    For me, the Kurgan needs some special kind of intense crazy eyes, a la Phoenix.
    Sadly, Phoenix hasn’t got the body or the voice for the role.
    And Clancy is still only 56, so…
    🙂

  • Spock Interrupted

    I’d buy that for a d…
    No, not even pirate it.

    Plan 9 From Outer Space by Uwe Boll, on the other hand…

  • Sully

    He could reprise the role. I would argue that, and he’s not much older than the guy I suggested.

  • CynicalOptimist22 .

    OH MY GAAAHHHHHHHHDDDDDDDD

  • Palpatine

    He played the big Soviet officer in “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”, right?

  • Like Icare

    It’s a merch-tie-in deal with Domino’s Pizza.

    Indominus in Domino’s – pizza fit for a king! A Pizza of Jurassic proportions, for the whole family! Why dine sour when you can dinosaur at Domino’s! Or have one of our Rex Snacks to go!

  • Like Icare

    Who?

  • Sully

    I can actually hear that ad in my head. Goddamn you, sir. Goddamn you to hell.

  • Sully

    Maybe you know him by his other name… Star Lord.

    See what I did? I did, like, a thing.

  • Like Icare

    Shit? It’s good shit, right?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_5tmnfdMTo

  • Like Icare

    No, I mean I didn’t hear who. Whispering is too quiet.

  • Sully

    *picture a cricket blinking*

  • Like Icare

    Maybe he has like a jar of raptor piss he sprays on himself to make them think he’s a raptor?

    Sort of like a Jurassic golden shower.

  • Sully

    Yah. Though I wouldn’t hold that against him.

  • Sully
  • Hank_Henshaw

    So, he is now I-rex? Apple products tie-in, I see.

    What did the “V” stand for in “V-rex”, from Peter Jackson’s King Kong? Vagoon? Vajeen?

  • Lev

    Bet the dinosaurs in that one look worse than they did in the first. Not that I’d know because I won’t be seeing it. I have seen the other sequels after all.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And written by Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman!

  • CyborgUnicorn

    BUT WHO WILL PLAY GENERAL KATANA???

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I’ll always have a soft spot for Sean Connery’s rubber sword. Oh, that came out wrong…

  • CyborgUnicorn

    I’d go see Crank 3.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’d be more excited about it (despite the trained raptors/T-rex, the hydrid dino, etc), but knowing that Michael Bay’s cinematographer is the DP for this, is almost a deal breaker. To me, the worst part of the trailer was how everything looked blue&teal.

  • Like Icare

    Citizen Kane.
    Because Yes We Kane.
    Also to see if Orson Welles might rise from his grave to feast on the flesh of those responsible.

    And while we’re at it – Plan 9 From Outer Space.
    Followed by Battlefield Earth.

    P9 could be made into an actually OK SF movie, while BE could, emphasis, COULD have been another Star Wars if not for Travolta and… you know… stuff.

  • Sully

    Fuck that guy. He ain’t in my movie.

  • CynicalOptimist22 .

    Wait Michael Bay actually uses cinematographers???

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    His films look nice.

  • Palpatine

    Gee, the lack of humility before nature that’s being displayed here, uh… staggers me.

  • RLMkeepitup

    mockingjay part 2 of 2 and 1/2 lol Seriously though I have no interest in any of these movies. But I will check back here to watch Mike and Jay suffer through it. So brave.

  • Like Icare

    It’s the necessity for a villain.

    As for the tone… apart from that “MESSAGE” bit about last thing you see when dying which DOES feel very forced it kinda does just the right thing for the tone.
    And the tone is – desperation.

    It is a story of a last ditch hail Marry gamble for the survival of all humanity… except all we are given so far is “hope” and “everything is proceeding as we have foreseen”.
    Which is needed for it to be a watchable movie.
    We need to think that there IS hope for humanity. It can’t be all gloom and doom from the get go.

    And it can’t be just the revel of the truth about the mission – we don’t care about millions of people back on Earth.
    We care about those couple of main characters.

    And we either need them to act out the desperation madness (and end up getting killed for that) OR – we need a throwaway villain.

    And then the hero gets to save the day.

    Which is what we’ve been having too much of from the start.
    That’s why it feels like it is from another movie.

    Too much order and hope in that particular apocalypse.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Michael Bay’s cinematographer”

    Um, what? The last Bay movie he was DP for was Pearl Harbor way back in 2001. The only Bay films he’s worked on as DP were that movie, Armageddon, and The Rock [he was also DP for Bay’s Meat Loaf: Bat Out of Hell II – Picture Show video]. How can you call someone “Michael Bay’s cinematographer” when he’s worked on three films of his back in the 90s and early 2000s and one video?

    He’s done a lot of varied stuff since then, although it’s nothing to brag about:

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006701/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cr8#cinematographer

  • Like Icare

    Once upon a time a commercial like that would have been a joke.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVIkyhmMPTo

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    They don’t have eyelids …

  • Like Icare

    Isn’t that where Star Wars Holiday Special came from?

  • Sully

    Jimmy does, and he’s the only cricket I know by name, so…

    http://media.giphy.com/media/7nH3dJ92FOnSg/giphy.gif

  • Sully

    You feel the same after both, so… yah.

  • Palpatine
  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    I KNEW I wasn’t the only one.

  • Sully

    If I may… um, I’ll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you’re using here, it didn’t require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step.
    You didn’t earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don’t take any responsibility… for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you even knew what you had, you patented it, and packaged it, and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you’re selling it, you wanna sell it.

    Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

  • Thanatos2k

    Well I mean, you could just rewatch the first movie.

  • Thanatos2k

    The camera is usually spinning so much I can’t tell whether the film looks good or not.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oops, my bad. For some reason I was convinced he had worked with Bay in every movie up until the first Transformers. Still, movie looks ugly.

  • Thanatos2k

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp9K4-DHsBA

    Depends what he’s saying.

  • Palpatine

    You should make a list of the comparisons, and this music should help you:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azmpSVm8f-8

  • Sully

    Yeah, they generally look fine. A little heavy on the motion, but that’s Bay’s fault, not his. Bay loves to keep the camera moving for some damn reason.
    Bay’s films suffer in their direction, not the cinematography department.

  • Sully

    The moral of that story is, the more men lie, the more women like them.

  • Thanatos2k

    The remake will come out before the original.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    He takes the teal and orange to the extreme. I know there are bigger problems with Bay’s movies, but that teal and orange of his is almost a self-parody by now.

  • Palpatine

    God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, man destroys God, man creates dinosaurs.

  • Thanatos2k

    You mean ice dancing?

  • Thanatos2k

    Is the jackpot a new Death Star?

  • Palpatine

    I thought the moral was “don’t act out at some weird amusement park some creepy old took you to, or else you’ll transform into a donkey and be sold into slavery”.

  • Thanatos2k

    Not much Jay, but boy oh boy are there a lot….also it’s 2015

  • Sully

    Gotta throw that flavor on it, son. POW!

    Me personally, I prefer the natural look. Have you ever seen Terrence Malick’s The New World? Shot completely in natural light, and it looks fucking beautiful.

  • Thanatos2k

    They’re going to take the corpses of his dead family, and he has to get them back!

  • Thanatos2k

    ….Abe Vigoda?

  • Sully

    That works.

  • Thanatos2k

    Well, it would say “Fuck You, It’s February” or whatever for each month. And yeah, the movie release dates on the calendar would be tops, until of course someone changes one.

  • Thanatos2k

    It would be better if the David was David Spade instead.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    If you don’t think the Golden Globes are predictable you’re probably a retard baby.

  • Palpatine

    If you were invited to a place called Pleasure Island, would you go there? I’ve been there once. But the one I went to is a strip club off of Exit 13 on Interstate 295.

  • Sully

    Michael Keaton put tears in my eyes. That’s like some miracle shit.

  • Thanatos2k

    So he’s plagarizing comments now too!?

  • Palpatine

    So how many awards did Boyhood win? Lemme guess, all of them.

  • Sully

    Someone should take all of the parts from all 3 of the previous movies that are taken directly from the first book, and cut them together to do a proper adaptation of Crichton’s original novel.

  • Thanatos2k

    IAB’s compliments are less fake that the speeches they give at the Golden Globes, so….

  • Sully

    Unsurprisingly, no. It’s won a few though.

  • Sully

    Yes, but I’d bring a fat friend.

  • Thanatos2k

    The only flaw with the movie, shockingly, is too much Batman. A sentence I thought I would never write.

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    “A Retard Baby” is certainly Oscar bait though.

  • Palpatine

    If you go to the one from Pinocchio, you’ll have Usher to keep you guys entertained:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDJVwx1XVmg

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    That’s true, but maybe if Bay’s movies were good, those colors would give us fond memories. Like pictures of Spielberg films often do so.

  • Palpatine

    I think the more PC term is “exceptional individual”.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Starring Eddie Redmayne

  • Sully

    That’s actually a fucked up word. Exceptional

    adjective
    -Unusual; not typical
    -Unusually good; outstanding
    -mentally or physically disabled so as to require special schooling.

    Now that’s just confusing.

  • Sully

    Directed by Elaine May

  • Sully

    All of the dinosaurs look worse than they did in the first. In fact, most of the CG in films today, 20+ YEARS LATER, looks worse than the FX in the original Jurassic Park.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Not a shocker. But I know for sure that it’ll not win Best Picture at the Oscars or even best director. The Academy aren’t gonna give into this crap mainly because they’re not critics with a huge ass ego.

  • Sully

    I’m glad Keaton got his award. Julianne Moore deserved her’s as well.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Written by Richard Linklater

  • Sully

    Filmed over the course of 6 decades and spanning 5 continents.

  • Palpatine

    Edited by Jay Bauman.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Produced by Wes Anderson and Charlie Kaufman

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    “Based on actual events”

  • Sully

    Co-starring, in every other role, Andy Serkis… via MoCap

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Also co-starring Jim Carey in a non comedic role

  • Sully

    Adapted from some obscure russian heroin addict’s deathbed journals.

  • Robby

    It’s always telling when the writer-director only wins for directing. Just ugh.

  • Sully

    With a cameo from Sean Penn as the transgender hooker, Antonina.

  • Sully

    That award was a gimmie, an acknowledgement of his time spent on the project. Hollywood’s version of a “Thanks for sharing. Now go sit down.”

  • Flora Posteschild

    Yes, sweet suburban Janiston tears.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And Jeffery Tambor as the transgender pimp Anita

  • Robby

    That’s exactly what I mean. I think I’ll finally give up on the Academy Awards if Boyhood wins for Directing or Screenplay. It would be lovely to see it not get nominated for either. That’s unlikely though.

  • Sully

    It’ll get a nod. I’m with Wizard though, I don’t think it’ll win.

  • Flora Posteschild

    Aniston, Redmayne, and Moore played various types of invalids this year. Witherspoon was an ex-druggie; that may count.

    Am I forgetting anyone?

  • Flora Posteschild

    Best scenes in LotRs were with the cast performing in the great NZ outdoors.

  • Sully

    Exactly, while the rest of the saga looked like the cast were walking around green screen sets surrounded by John Howe and Alan Lee artwork. It took me out of the movie every time.

  • Sully

    As they say in the biz… “IT’S A MOVIE!!!”

  • Flora Posteschild

    I shudder to guess what you must think of The Hobbits.

    Know I will see the last, but must…force…myself.

  • Maggy May

    Jay, I love raccoons and therefore your shirt! Where’d you get it?

  • Sully

    If she’s still with her spoon, she may not be an ex-druggie at all. I mean, spoons are typical addict paraphernalia.

  • Sully

    Blatant cash grabs, the lot. Every ounce of exposition felt rushed, while every action sequence felt bloated.
    I haven’t seen the third installment yet. I’ll likely wait till it’s a rental.
    I’m a big Tolkien fan, but Hesus fuckin’ Christos, Jackson dumped on his own work with The Hobbit.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Someone should make a poster for A Retard Baby

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Citizen Kane re-booted as a weekly drama where the wealthy and eccentric publisher uses his power to solve crimes, bust spy-rings, charm showgirls, and resolve his own life-long struggle with identity and place.

  • RLM has had it around forever. See “The Great Space Jam” and the Half in the Bag episode for Troll 2.

  • Uncle Dan

    A Hollywood actress had to shave her hair for the role, what a sacrifice.

  • Uncle Dan

    I read that forever ago and it hasn’t stuck with me the way the original movie has. Do you think that’s another case of the movie surpassing its source material?

  • Uncle Dan

    That whole article just hurts me from the get go. “Hanging out with his raptor pals is pretty cool.” What?

  • CyborgUnicorn

    Boo. Come on, it’ll be fun! They could have him in the beginning, then focus the rest of the movie on McCloud and Kurgan’s battle through the ages.

    Then in the second movie, McCloud could train in the east with Nakano like the beginning of Highlander 3, and then when Katana realizes McCloud hasn’t died out, instead prolonged his age to become immortal, the two of them could duke it out.

  • Sully

    Coming Fuck You It’s January, 2016 to select theaters…

    http://i.imgur.com/O8m089I.jpg?1

  • Sully

    No.

  • Sully
  • Hank_Henshaw

    It is even in the first Space Cop trailer.

  • Uncle Dan

    Talvisota? I actually watched that the whole way.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Defyuck?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Chris Evans.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s so beautiful

  • Sully

    You may need to scroll down the comments section a bit, Maybelline.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Fyuck!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Approved! *stamp*

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Wait, you don’t care much about Star Wars, and you don’t like Snyder’s visionary take on Superman?

    I’m not alone on these boards.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Superman: The Man Of Steel. This time, no Zack Snyder, and with a script by someone not trying to troll longtime Superman fans.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Cumberbatch.

    Or, whoever is That Year’s Fassbender.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    When in doubt, go full-on zombie attack.

  • Palpatine

    Pignose isn’t in it?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Lettuce be pals.

    If you think Nolan is a twat, make it Blood Brothers.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    By “quote Yoda thing” I meant I had no foreknowledge you were directly quoting from one of the movies. I thought you were making something up, but I was correcting you via my own version of clumsy puppetese.

    ♪ O, Maybeline, why cain’t you be true? ♪

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The spiritual sequel is great. An Exceptional Young One: A Spike Jonze Love Story.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    P.S. If I told you I dislike your new disparaging nickname for me, that would only make you use it forever, right? I love it!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    His eyes are up there.

  • Sully

    We gave the part to Andy Serkis (amongst others). We figured he could just MoCap a Coletrain’esque performance and then we’d add whatever we wanted later in post.

  • tOmy`

    I was hoping for that nice lady in the end playing with the toy robot to take off her clothes, just to make sure.

    Didn’t feel like sniffing her booty.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Nah. That would make sense.

  • Sully

    I’d call you “Pa”, but that just feels weird. Especially since I don’t own a collie… or live on Walton’s Mountain.

  • Maggy May

    Holy damn, I’ve seen them all and never noticed. I still want that damn shirt!

  • Chris Webb

    I want to weep for the death of creative film making, but I think I’d be crying over a bloated corpse that died sometime in the 1970’s

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It seems exceptional is, itself, exceptional.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Boyhood was the moviest movie I’ve ever movied.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The RLM webzone comments section:

    Where people on the internet admit they made a mistake, don’t make a big deal about someone correcting them, and the person that corrected them is free to agree or disagree with their opinion [in this case I agree].

    RLM is like a bresh of freath air.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    No that was AA Roberts, with the smiley face computer camera.

    Oh you’re right, it was both.

  • Spindles

    Boyhood isn’t even a goddamn movie, it’s a gimmick.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Dinosaurs eat man, man eats dinosaurs, then, uh …

    JURASSIC WORLD

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    ♪ Let me go
    I don’t wanna be your hero
    I don’t wanna be a big man
    Just wanna fight with everyone else ♫

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Gryce, just pull out your stereopticon and enjoy whatever old timey stuff it does. No 48 frame rates for you.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    All that means is that American movies will be made with ChiCom censors in mine, no big deal.

  • Palpatine

    Spared no expense.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    The images from Bronson are burned into your t.v?

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Theodore Rex 2: The Good Dinosaur?

    Don’t forget due to issues with the star’s coke habit Space Cop was delayed until 2015 too.

  • Uncle Dan

    They haven’t reviewed any of the other Hunger Games movies since the first one. I don’t know if Jay’s talked about it during a stream wither. I’m kind of curious about their opinino since they overall liked the first one.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Fair enough. I’ll cop to the “condescending wanker” bit.

    Yet, in my defense, I did NOT “ignore everything else.” Everything else was just ungrounded enthusiasm for product. There’s no basis for any discussion beyond snark.

    “Ballsy,” used to describe movie marketing is just meaningless.

  • TapewormBike

    That was beside Star Wars the movie of my childhood and I could see somone remaking that one.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Gawd, I hate “Adult Alternative Rock” so fyucking much.

    Imagine Dragons, Milky Chance, Hozier, whatever that sh!t you are singing is, Lorde, the ♪dee-dee-d’oh♪ guy, One Republic, Coldplay, Vance Joy, John Mayer, The Head and The Heart, Phillip Phillips…

    All of it, sh!t.

    If this were The 70s, we’d blow that crap up on a baseball diamond and start a riot.

  • Mark Bisone

    I thought Andy Serkis did an exceptional job playing that anthropomorphic blade of grass. He really knows his grass.

  • CyborgUnicorn

    you’re right; Somebody should start using a filter that makes the sky a nice green, and dirt and flesh tones magenta.

  • Spindles
  • Zarathustrian

    Again, it’s like poetry so that they rhyme. Every stanza kind of rhymes with the last one.

    Hopefully, it’ll work.

  • TapewormBike

    Is any of the bands you listed comsidered to be “adult” in any way? Really?

  • Zarathustrian

    It’s a brand new gimick straight outta Hollywood to draw people at the box office. It is callef LFR: low frame rate. It’ll be great.

  • The 2013 GIF wars resulted in the Jayban. Follow the drama In the Plinket and Rich Evans wather the Star wars trailer clips. I guess this is better that the good ol’ gif festival. But I sorta miss it.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    or alternative. or rock!

  • instant relief

    Yes, thank you, Master Yoda! Your unusually high midi chlorian count saved my life.

  • cabbo

    Not a Kurosawa fan, then?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I thought it would be based on Baby’s Day Out.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That’s a good trick.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “Indominus translates to Fierce King” So, Indominus Rex is “Fierce King King”?

  • DiscipleOf TheWatch

    What music is playing through your speakers right now?
    Me = “Gun To A Knife Fight” by Sebastian Bach

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I recommend seeing Ski Patrol for a much more accurate depiction.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0033056/

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i’m watching startrek: the motion picture on tv.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    For some reason I find this relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdjKXlEEeR0

  • DiscipleOf TheWatch

    No! No! That’s not what I asked. No! Bad!
    You’re supposed to say “Star Trek: The Motion Picture soundtrack”. Then I say “Why aren’t you watching Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, it’s way better”.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    it on tv. i didnt get to make a choice.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    That’s what my radio station insists on calling their format, and that’s the crap they play.

    I forgot to add Sam Smith, that thick slice of Euro blandness.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    See above.

    Alternative to Listenable is the thing they’re going for, I guess.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Huh?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I was wondering who Pignose was. Thanks for clarifying.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Moto pana-cake-u. Moto pana-cake-u. Hei? Hei?

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Uncle Dan

    Ooh interesting! Will try and track it down.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Do you have a fascination for the Finnish Winter War or something?

  • Uncle Dan

    My dad introduced me to war movies when I was a kid. My taste in them has changed over the years, but I’m still interested in movies from different countries about their famous wars or battles. Since I’m not an adolescent anymore I’m more interested in anti-war movies but, generally speaking I’m still interested in military history and therefore war movies. Americans make movies with a certain perspective, and I’m interested in how other people see their wars and how that’s displayed through film.

    So I really liked Gallipoli, and found Passchaendale insulting. My Canadian friends tell me that they were showing Passchaendale in high school classrooms as the great Canadian movie, and it confuddles me because it’s really terrible. It’s one of the few movies I’ve seen that I’d legitimately recommend for Best of the Worst. Especially since it seemed to be going for what Gallipoli accomplished really well.

  • Sully

    Creation of the Earth by Two Steps From Hell

  • Jillian

    Well fuck you, too, you lazy hack frauds! Crappy New Year to everyone!

  • Paulus Cañamonjas

    Ran.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Sly & Robbie’s Dubrising. Next up, Robert Plant’s lullaby and…The Ceaseless Roar, in its entirety.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Yes, that was post ’70s, but all of the master’s other ‘pieces were decades before that. Unless cabbo was talking about a younger Kurosawa, making movies now, I don’t think that really qualifies as a counter argument to Chris Webb’s point of view.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I put the pill in the people, but the people did not want the pill.

    The Big Media doesn’t quite know what to do about the two comic girls this morning.

  • omitted

    Maybe you’re born with it.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    rose tinted glasses much?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    are you talking about elvis or jim morrison? bloated arseholes!
    seriously though, there is still heaps of good stuff being made. its just that now there is so much more CGI BlockBusterBullshit overwhelming the good stuff… and lets not forget the audience abuse war crimes of some 70’s films.

  • TapewormBike

    Much

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    and you thought Ma Kettle was bad. at least she was hard arsed… but thats cause she didnt moisturise!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    is it necrophilia if a zombie fucks a corpse?

  • Now I Get It

    “Talkin’ Wall of Voodoo Blues, Pt. 1” – Stan Ridgway

  • its called bleach

    i think i need to take my brain medicine again. you know, the medicine that makes you not post gibberish on the rlm webzone

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Not if the corpse consents.
    Why do you ask?

    Don’t answer that, that was one o dem dere rhetorical type questions.

  • Now I Get It

    You say that, but the man taught Russ Meyer the meaning of tits.

    H’yeah, right, the fuck he did.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you know Jean Skirts is using your Andrew Johnson nickname for me. we dont get to chose. our names are chosen.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    one question how would a corpse consent?

  • Flora Posteschild

    He got better. 🙂

  • Sully

    Better question: how does a zombie get an erection without a beating heart? I.E. How does it fuck at all? Butterdicking?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    rigormortis?

  • Sully

    Only if it was killed by hanging. (Don’t ask how I know this shit)

  • TapewormBike

    Jefferson Airplane: Somebody to Love

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    as the penis is not a muscle it is not able to suffer rigormortis. however certain Gas reactions and muscle contractions can cause an involuntary post mortem erection through hydraulic pressure….
    Shit even i dont know how i knew that! i ant right.

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    What is it with Andrews?

  • TapewormBike

    Where did you meet the lovely undead?

  • TapewormBike

    Is anybody else bothered by the title on the site having only one exclamation mark and the one in video having three? Can I get more coffee?

  • Jegsimmons

    thats because it was an exaggeration of punk and chopper culture

  • omitted

    Back fucking over the clients?

  • omitted

    And I still won’t take it for an answer…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5r58Wri6hdY

  • TapewormBike

    Day off, my beloved is disapprovingly watching from the couch, studyiyng.

  • omitted

    Tell her I said “Hi!”

  • TapewormBike

    She told me to say “Hi” back. This is rivetting.

  • omitted

    Ask her what is she studying.

  • TapewormBike

    I can tell you that, some economic stuff that has to do with ecology. I dunno.

  • omitted

    Okay, one more: ask her if she thinks that I have a chance with Jay.

  • Crikey Mate Down Under Aussie

    Where is Quick Cuts you HAAAAAACKS?!?!?

  • TapewormBike

    I can tell you that as well. Abso – fucking – lutely.

  • Flora Posteschild

    I’d spend the time practicing martial arts and weaponry skills, myself.

  • Warlord X

    I have. Like a hundred times. To the point where somebody cuts me off in traffic I say, “Clever girl.”

  • Warlord X

    That won’t be a problem. I still watch the old Showa-era Godzilla films with the men in rubber suits that look like an episode of Power Rangers

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Not every movie needs to be Teal and Orange (I will admit it can be eye-pleasing). Saving Private Ryan was heavily processed and color corrected, and yet, not teal and Orange. The first 2 Jurassic Park movies, not T&O (third one kinda was). Brazil isn’t teal and orange. Blade Runner. Michael Bay’s movies always are, no matter if it’s day or night, indoors or outdoors, sci fi, “historical drama” or Pain & Gain.

    Then again, what other color can explosions be? Most of the time they’ll be orange.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    One of the things that I’m looking forward the most about this one, is the potential of dino mayhem in a crowded park, and them chomping on a whole lot of tourists. But what if they somehow manage to evacuate the island before any real damage is done? Then, the movie is about rescuing those two kids. OH, NO! I hope that’s not the case.

  • shuura84

    “Ishtar Trailer for 2 Hours” from YouTube
    It increases my productivity by 38% and my sexual performances by 12%.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Like one of Cosby’s dates.
    The head just kind of flops around at the end of the neck, and the zombie takes that as a nod.

    Ja-BINGO!

  • Doc Brown.

    Oh, stop it. You guys did the same in summer, and it was a good summer; in fact, you liked movies like Dawn of the planet of the apes, X men DOFP, and so on.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Hey, I was wrong. It’s not like I was giving some opinion. I was wrong, and there’s no two ways about it. Now, in my opinion, I still don’t like how the movie looks. 🙁

  • The Summer of George

    I believe you mean “every CO-stanza”, that is.

  • Zarathustrian

    *bah-dum-tss*

  • Square Peg

    I would, Chrichton is an author with good ideas and pretty shit execution. I read Timeline constantly thinking “This should be good, why isn’t this good?!”

  • Sully

    You should substitute that coffee for warm water with lemon.

    Pound Sign: TheViewBeDroppin’DaKnowledge

  • Milton Dammers

    Hey assholes, you forgot to mention James Bond 24: The Bondening.

  • omitted

    Speaking of television shows, anyone else Looking?

  • TapewormBike

    The Electric Bondaloo

  • Kelsie

    I keep coming back and watching this just for Mike’s “hyahyahyahyahyahya” laugh and Jay’s “Paul Blart Mall Blart.”

  • Like Icare

    Hmm… That sounds like a lot of work for one man.
    He might need a sidekick.
    And since there really is a shortage of Asian role-models on TV, make him Chinese. Of kung fu persuasion.
    Plus, that way it can be sold in China more easily.
    Heck, they might even rename it after the sidekick.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    So, you’re Yang?

  • Like Icare

    Surely you mean “James Bond 24: The Bauering”.

    This post occurred in real time. Bip-bip-bip…

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    What is Gold Bond Powder used for?

  • DanceK

    I’m really hyped for Thor 4: More Thor. Is that set of the dark side of the moon?

  • Like Icare

    Preemptive snark is a perfectly acceptable and UN sanctioned review tactic due to the extensive use of “trailers”, “leaks”, “interviews”, “rumors” and other marketing weapons of mass distraction by the entertainment industry.

    If for no other reason then because it is our nation’s only weapon against fanbois declaring the movie coming out on the yet undisclosed future date as “Best movie EVAR!!11one!” based on no more than a rumor that said movie might be in production.

    It saves lives by lowering expectations and thus preventing (but not limited to) heart attacks, panic attacks, strokes, riots, murders, kidnappings and ritual human sacrifices.

  • Kelsie

    It’s funny in German too. “Eier” means both eggs and testicles.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    You care. You care a lot.

  • Charon

    *slide whistle*

  • Like Icare

    Fuck that shit.
    Get some grapefruit juice AND coffee. Forget about sleeping.
    Well… for the next 7-10 hours at least… depending on body weight, amounts of juice and coffee ingested etc.
    Ideal tool for Stream-A-Thons.

    Beware of its interactions with other drugs though.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grapefruit%E2%80%93drug_interactions
    Also, boosting your liver with some vitamin B complex can’t hurt.

  • Like Icare

    Last will and testament?

    “…and should any zombies wish to use my dead body for sex – fuck it, let them have a go. Don’t see anyone else standing in line for my dead ass. Corpses need love too.”

  • Robby

    Mike doing his best Stephen Hawking impersonation.

    I feel like Taken is going to turn into the next Fast and the Furious franchise.

    T5ken
    Tak6n
    7aken
    T8ken

  • Like Icare

    It’s an extremely boring and a very incoherent movie.
    Feels like a lame attempt to make another “Fear and Loathing…” – which ended up closer to the “Southland Tales” territory.

  • Why is mr Sandler not churning out useless garbage like the other kids? What is he, a racist?
    I demand a reboot of Jack and Jill! Jack and Jill too: Sony Vaio. Market brand directly in the movie title and watch the hoard mindlessly emptying their wallets at theaters nation wide. WHAT A VALUE!

  • Adzl33t

    I thought the first comment didnt went through

  • Like Icare

    Last week I found out that T&O is now apparently an algorithm used by cable companies to make movies “better”.
    I turn around and it’s Tom Cruise riding a green horse. Surreal.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Why are you against serial commas?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Can’t. Stop. Watching …

  • quick_moranis

    I can’t wait for Taken X: Taken to Space

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    On this webzone, it’s: F*uck You, It’s January! (2015)
    On the YouTubes, it’s: F*ck You, It’s January! (2015)
    In the video itself, it’s: FUCK YOU, IT’S JANUARY!!!

    I’m going to write a 108-page complaint.

  • *I* Iron my Jean Skirts

    Followed by Taken 11: Take me to He11.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Kill Your Family” by Those Voices In My Head …

  • bassbait

    You seem to have good taste. So I assume then that you listen to Pornogrind right?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Alternative to Listenable”

    ZING!

  • RLMkeepitup

    Always interested in their opinion. The last hunger movie felt really drawn out to me though, like when they split up the last twilight. There was a lot of talking and not much happening but it was better done than twilight. I think maybe that’s why they’ve skipped mentioning it. They just seem like okay movies not too bad or good?

  • bassbait

    I am a retard baby and even I think the golden globes are predictable.

  • Now I Get It

    It’s the same galvanic reaction you’ve seen a thousand times slaughtering lambs and shearing foreskins.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “My Canadian friends tell me that they were showing Passchaendale in high school classrooms as the great Canadian movie, and it confuddles me because it’s really terrible.”

    I saw that turd in theatres. It fucking sucked. What they hell were they thinking? Glad they never showed that at my high school. There would have been a shooting spree … well, we don’t have guns, so I guess I would have just ran around with butter knife or something.

  • Hitmen don’t kill with guns anymore they buy movie tickets to Linklatter films. Scaring people away from bad movies will damage this workingclass profession.

    Also, nothing beats a massive heart attack after a movie.

  • Like Icare

    I don’t know… they feel weird.
    Maybe it’s the flaw (or not) of my educators in early life, or a deformation through later education in computer languages.
    Or maybe serial commas are devil’s invention to confuse the souls of men and lead them into temptation and eternal damnation.

    Anyway, “riots PAUSE murders PAUSE kidnappings AND ritual human sacrifices” sounds better than “riots PAUSE murders PAUSE kidnappings PAUSE AND ritual human sacrifices”.

    That last pause would make that “and” into an “And”, by merging the inherent pause present in the “and” conjunction with the pause of that superfluous comma.
    I.e. Turning the last item on the list into the start of a new, hanging sentence.

    Hmm… I guess I DO know why.

  • bassbait

    I like strong, striking colors that create a surreal atmosphere. Lynch and Kubrick films basically.

  • Like Icare

    I REFUSE to subsidize a single profession in a supposedly free market by making everyone else suffer just so they could save a couple of bullets.
    Whatsamatter? Knives too good for them any more? Piano wires? Fucking shopping bags?

    Seriously, if they can’t kill a person with everyday household items they should turn in their badge.

  • Now I Get It
  • Like the good old days. Maybe your right. Stupid wellfareprograms are ruining the free market.

  • TapewormBike

    Holy shit! That short?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    She, sells sea, shells by the, sea.

    Shore.

  • The Summer of George

    Just as the J. Geils Band once predicted.

  • Candid candid camera vol6 should answer your question.

  • Like Icare

    I mean, next thing you know they’ll be complaining that the invisible hand isn’t choking the people for them.
    For fuck’s sakes, it’s a fuckin metaphor yous guys.

  • Like Icare

    That sounds more Shatnerian than Walkenlike.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    im lazy

  • Mitchell Taco Nash
  • Romeo

    love the corpsing during “paul blart: mall blart.”

  • Like Icare

    I call it the art of caring without caring.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Michael Bay, fan of T&A and T&O.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Is the funded by SpaceX?

  • Now I Get It

    Dicsuqs really should allow audio comments, and I don’t mean via the You Tube.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Disagree. I laughed a lot throughout.
    Now, incoherence, I’ll give ya, but it is a Noir spoof. THE BIG SLEEP wasn’t much of a narrative masterpiece, itself.

  • omitted

    Also hoping he will eventually say ‘yes’?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I have not come across Pornogrind while doing my rock-n-roll homework yet. Is this a band or a style?
    I’m willing to try anything once. Maybe.

  • Like Icare

    Those examples arise from improper use of commas where em-dash is supposed to be.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dash#Em_dash
    I.e. Where (supposedly) two thoughts were being expressed in a single sentence.

    Punctuation… umm… punctuates and describes the shape of one’s THOUGHTS, as coded into letters and words – it’s not just a tool for reminding people to stop and take a breath once in a while.

    But hey… Fuk it.
    I turned in my Grammar Nazi card along with my Groomer Nazi card (It came with a shampoo. It made my wallet smell nice.) long ago.
    I just feel that writing it this way fits better to the shape of my thoughts.

  • Palpatine

    Maybe Sandler finally realized that the only people who like his movies are those with iQ’s under 60. So thankfully we won’t be getting an “Ishtar” remake starring Sandler and one of his pals.

  • Palpatine

    I just want to see “Token”, which is just two hours of Qui-Gon Booze Liam Neeson getting high.

  • Like Icare

    Umm… That “grammar school” explanation only works for READING. Out loud.

    BUT… When communicating through the use of a keyboard, we actually primarily use writing and punctuation as tools to EXPRESS our thoughts.
    Besides, when reading what we or someone else has written, our brain takes no pauses to breathe. It don’t care.

    It does like borders and guidelines marking out ideas and separating thoughts while INTERPRETING pixels and lines and dots into shapes, letters, words, language, thoughts and ideas.

    In such communication a comma is not a small pause and dot a full stop in the same way as when reading out loud – but a mark for delimiting an IDEA within a thought (from other ideas which MAY or may not relate and therefore inject confusion into the sentence) and an end of a complete thought, respectfully.

    While “and” signifies the final item in a list of ideas connected in some way.

    Hmm… I’m addressing way too much attention and thought to this highly trivial question. I think I’ll stop now.

  • Like Icare

    Ant that the truth.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    And the inevitable animated crossover – How to Taken Your Dragon. Thank you, try the veal!

  • TapewormBike

    I worked with people with IQ around 60, which at least used to be defined as mildly mentally retarded and most of the guys had way better sense of humour.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    For a minute there, Palpy, I thought you were gonna be really evil and say TOKEN was the story of Liam Neeson rescuing Madea from terrorists.

  • TapewormBike

    “I will look for you, I will find you and Will Ferell is fucking awesome!”

  • Palpatine

    So what would the average IQ for some who thinks Sandler is funny be?

  • TapewormBike

    They have no intelligence, hard to get a quotient going.

  • Now I Get It

    Blame Canada’s It Boy of the time, Paul Gross.

    Blame the government’s mandate to promote Canadian culture to Canadians, instead of leaving them free to make it themselves.

    Blame the functionaries whose idea of culture is always, I say always, the retelling of some historical event that has its own built-in importance.

    Blame Canada.

  • TapewormBike

    The longer this vid will stay at the top of the page, the more truthful the message will get.

  • omitted

    Amen, brother!

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They didn’t raise the average ticket price by $2 last year for nuthin,’ you know!
    (Well, they did it so that GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY would seem more successful, but there were other reasons too! Get to work, Sandler! Make Hollywood some money!)

  • Now I Get It

    No post in the history of the internet has ever been too long or over-thought. Also… *respectively?

  • Now I Get It

    For years, I’ve used the same tax form as Joey Moss, and I still can’t get it right the first time through.

  • Palpatine

    Do you think an Ishtar remake would be too much for them?

  • TapewormBike

    Too good

  • Sully

    White against black, shit like that. I can dig it… if it serves the style.
    So many movies do it for the fuck of it, which is kinda dumb.
    Fincher’s guilty of this as well. Every movie he makes looks like it was filmed inside the matrix.

  • Sully

    Coffee puts me to sleep. I can drink a double shot of espresso and take a fucking nap. 30 seconds of jumping jacks works best.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Well, maybe before “Bryan Mills” dies, he’s taken to bed by a North Korean hooker. Then, “Bryan Mills-Il.” can train to wear his Daddy’s costume in TAKEN THAT, 9/11: SKEW YOUNGER!

  • Sully

    His movies are essentially ALL remakes/reboots. The differences between Jack and Jill and Grown-ups are about as diverse as the differences between Spider-Man and The Amazing Spider-Man.

    Ooh! Here’s a scenario:
    An agent approaches his/her actor client with two job offers.
    Job #1: Do a remake of [insert beloved classic film here]
    or
    Job #2: Do an Adam Sandler film.

    Which do you believe is the most difficult to choose?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    They won’t take you seriously.

    They’ll just roll their eyes and tersely bark, “Next,” embarrassing you in front of all the others in the long line of complainers.

    #JustSayFyuckYou,It’sJanuary!

  • Palpatine

    So is Jack and Jill a remake of Glen or Glenda? Is Adam Sandler the new Ed Wood? Am I going insane?

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Both.

  • Sully

    He’s remaking his own shit, jokes and all. He even uses, primarily, the same cast. His movies are essentially made the same way an episode of Law & Order is made. They have a Mad Libs-like synopsis sheet and they just fill out the details. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sandler had his own WotW full of film tropes.

  • maggit

    I love Paul Blart. I can’t wait to see the sequel. http://imgur.com/RNUanAX

  • Palpatine

    Kevin James’ face says it all.

  • Like Icare

    Ahdonkno… I RECOGNIZED jokes… but… didn’t find them Ha-Ha funny.
    It felt like it was trying too much to be funny where it should be just… bizarre.
    Acting as if funny instead of BEING funny.

    You know… The opposite of The Big Lebowski.

  • Sully

    I’m waiting for the Asylum version. Gotten

  • Derrick Cryderman

    Paul Blarp: Mall Plarp 2

    I can’t wait to forget this series exists again.

  • Like Icare

    Yup… Not sure if spellchecker or brain freeze.

    Could be both I guess.

  • Sully

    I’ve met people with average IQs that like his shit.
    I think it’s time to recalibrate the numbers.

  • omitted

    I miss Ms. Jones.

  • Like Icare

    Well… genetic traits DO play a part. You might be a DEC2 mutant.

    Which would give you the ability to do the dymaxion or uberman polyphasic sleep patterns.
    http://www.polyphasicsociety.com/polyphasic-sleep/overviews/dymaxion/

    Warning. Trying to squeeze extra hours from a day may seem like a good thing – until you realize that now you have all that extra time on your hands and nothing to do.

    Last summer I tried that 72-hour fasting thing.
    Useless for dieting but it may have some interesting advantages for the immune system, diabetes prevention etc.
    http://pubget.com/paper/24905167/prolonged-fasting-reduces-igf-1-pka-to-promote-hematopoietic-stem-cell-based-regeneration-and-reverse-immunosuppression

    But boy-oh-boy is it BOOOORING.

    You don’t appreciate how much time you spend preparing, ingesting, digesting and evacuating food once the process of digestion is over – until you suddenly have that time on your hands and nothing to do with it.
    3 meals alone are about 60-90 minutes per day.

    Coffee breaks, snacks, eating out of boredom… it adds up.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I like money. We should hang out!

  • Like Icare
  • TapewormBike

    So, I used my day off and my gf being tangled in whatever the hell she’s actually studying, to watch 2 movies. I did watch Boyhood in the morning. What that movie needed was an actually sane editor in the cutting room. The structure is serving the way it was shot and that’s just dumb and becomes tiresome pretty quickly. I get some of the love from critics, beacause people can have their tastes swayed by perceiving the consumed food as well as entertainment as being precious in some external way. That movie was a shitty white truffle sandwich.

    The second movie I finished about an hour ago and will be rewatching it soon. There was a joke about making Girlhood in the comments here. Guess what, We Are The Best!, has three 13yr old girls in it and it manages to tell more about childhood and puberty than Boyhood could if it had an actual running time of 12 years. Where the hell do they grow those awesome kid actors in Sweden? Seriously, the movie actually makes YOU travel back and re-live the awkward times and emotional ups and downs of that age, rather than passively watch a nice kid become a boring fuck.

    Now excuse me, my snoring dog has let out a deadly silent fart and I shall stick the head out of the window for few wonderful minutes.

  • maggit
  • Like Icare

    You’ll remember it when Kevin James faces his next DUI charge.
    “Paul Blart: Single Malt” has a ring to it.

    http://www.scottrobertsweb.com/images/paul-blart-mall-cop-3.jpg

  • Fuck Off Ghost

    Was that Rich Evans reaction video really that popular?

  • maggit

    Dumpaccino.

  • TapewormBike

    It does have over half a million views on Youtube. Not bad. But of course, Rich is no Plinkett.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Sweden seems to be good at making teen movies for some reason. And there’s a lot of Swedish teen movies.

  • Palpatine

    Hey guys, I found the HitB for Paul Blarp: Mall Cop Too, and it’s not even out yet!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCkl-Vgc4-I

  • Paulus Cañamonjas

    Fair enough, I just sympathized with cabbo’s liking for Kurosawa san. Dodeskaden and Kurosawa’s Dreams are great films too btw.

  • Epifanes

    We need a Crank 3. Because I want to see how they up the ante to that.

  • maggit

    Shh… you’ll blow his cover.

  • Jegsimmons

    in the desert against cars in noguns austrailia?

    I mean, i would just use the bazillion guns in the US but aussies dont get that advantage.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    I found a lot to enjoy in Dodeskaden, but Dreams made my heart hurt. Not in a good way.

  • Uncle Dan

    There are so many fucking bizarre choices made in that movie. So very many that it confused me from the very first scene.

    An opening battle sequence in a town, not quite capturing WW1 visuals but whatever. Your hero character viciously stabs someone THROUGH THE FOREHEAD in cold blood with a bayonet. That single thing was unrealistic, unnecessary, bizarre, and doesn’t make you sympathise with him at all.

    And then the rest of the film doesn’t get any better. All that time in Calgary with a whiny youth, this boring asshole, and a wet nurse.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    And R5 will blow his load …

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “my gf being tangled in whatever the hell she’s actually studying”

    Aka the rusty shackles of your basement. It’s a 10 year degree …

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Andrew is now … Romeo?

  • Palpatine

    It had a bad motivator.

  • Uncle Dan

    Do you remember the scene where the boring asshole protagonist banged the nurse under the light of flares? Do you remember how damn long that went on?

    Do you remember when he carried a crucifix across No Man’s Land? Oh what symbolism!

    Agh, there are good movies that haven’t been as burned into my psyche as much as how bad this was.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Or it’s about the one black guy in the movie.

  • Palpatine

    Or it could be a movie about Token Black from South Park.

  • Pa Kent Says Maybe

    Does Yiyng know?

  • Palpatine