Charles Bronson Murders Everyone!

December 29, 2015636 Comments

Charles Bronson kills a lot of people in Death Wish 3.

Filed in: Best of the Worst

  • Cat Stevens

    in before palpatine

  • Anybody keeping score?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    it was better with the music.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    3 2 3 4 4 2 3 AND

  • Rob Peterson

    What…no kill count? I am disappoint…

  • Zequi

    This is not content…

    I’m onto you.

  • senorhuxtable

    Merry Christmas Charlie Bronson!

  • ElectricPrism

    MUUUURRRRRRRRDDDDDEEEEEEERRRR

  • Admiral Bone-to-Pick

    Comment number 9!

  • Palpatine

    Didn’t they already show this at the end of the last BotW?

  • OMNI

    We know. Move along, move along….

  • Domo

    Great, Bronson! Don’t get cocky.

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Mike, you hack! You forgot to add a *DING* sound after each murder and a kill count!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Number 9… Number 9… Number 9…

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Hateful Eight discussion please. I think it and Death Proof are Tarantino’s best works.

  • yellowface

    Jay, stop working on this crap and keep making your daily vlogs goddammit!

  • LegendofKafei

    How’d it get burned?

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Still waiting for your review of sensitive, LGTBBQ themed, period tearjerker “Carol” starring the Lady of the Woods.

  • Percy Gryce

    Happy New Murder Year, everybody!

  • Why was it shot in 70mm? It takes place in a stagecoach and then a room.
    Whenever I see a flashback-that-explains-it-all I feel cheated.
    Did Quentin hire RLM to direct the vomiting scene?

  • Lt Hurwitz

    These men are pawns

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Finally going to go see Star Wars: The Phantom Awakens tomorrow (because woman wants to) is it as bland as it looks?

  • Biggiesized

    No Wilhelm Scream/10

  • Palpatine

    The Wilhelm Scream? What do you think this is, Star Wars?

  • Earth

    Where’s Deathwish?

  • NicCagesHair

    So I just got back from The Hateful Eight in 70MM. Even though I saw it in Canada and the whole theater smelt of poutine(I’m half joking with this) It’s a damn fun movie. It’s very Tarantino with a slow buildup establishing everything but when it kicks off, it’s just great scene after great scene. It was a really fun theater experience.

  • Palpatine

    I was hoping we’d get a HitB on it, but instead we got a montage video of some old fart killing people.

  • He was lazy or drunk. Or both. To be fair, I’d be lazy or drunk, or both too.

  • RLMkeepitup

    yes but do what the woman wants

  • RLMkeepitup

    specifically Jimmy Page’s music

  • RLMkeepitup

    yes now let us celebrate world peace *waves lighter in air*

  • Ren1

    Creeps!

  • Anon526
  • Sparkles Peterson

    I love the face the blackspanic guy is making before Bronson uses the machine gun on the guy up in the window. Bronson may not be emoting, but that guy is loving the shit out of his murder spree.

  • Kenshiroh

    Well, he had to kill that white guy with the Japanese headband because of his “cultural appropriation”.

  • Michael Collins

    I think he missed the guy in the red t-shirt, but it’s ok cause he got him in DW 4.

  • Yay, new…. oh.

  • Wolvy

    Bronson gave a little boy a spanking in ‘The Magnificent Seven’.

  • But what about Star Wars? The Phantom Menace was awesome. I saw it in theaters 4 days ago. Thanks Rick. Thanks George.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBKfFycVjeI

  • They waited 6 weeks in line? HAHAHAHAHA!

  • They are playing with our hearts.

  • Bet he does not have any condoms. Since he is a Star Wars fan. You know because all Star Wars fans are losers!!!!!!! YOU HEAR THAT ALL YOU LOSERS! THE UNIVERSE HATES YOU AND DOES NOT WANT YOU TO MULTIPLY!!!!!!

  • Also, the Rick McCallum BS levels reach new heights in this vidya! It’s amazing!

  • Palpatine

    You were the best part!

  • =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

  • You could say he cocked his gun alot. =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

  • Careful, he could crush you like a bug =) =) =) = ) =) =) = )

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    My thoughts and prayers go out…into the void. Have a Star War and a Tarantino exploding head.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Jennifer Jason Leigh with everybody’s blood and brain matter splattered across her face and in her hair was the best part. All the rest was kind of pointless. Gorgeously cinematic, but pointless.

  • ElectricPrism

    Fuck You It’s not even January yet

  • Strong_Bow

    Confirmed for FanFag.

  • Crixxxx

    Are you guys doing the New Years’ Stream-a-thon this year?

  • Palpatine

    No, they aren’t.

  • Jason Ross

    Ladies and gentlemen, your 2015 Christmas bonus.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Worth at least 2 $25 iTunes gift cards.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    It, like What We Do in the Shadows, Turbo Kid, Krampus, and Mad Max found me having FUN watching it. So for that, I adore it. I’m not a Tarantino fan. I think he does his best work fully emulating other genre films.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    I have my tickets for Samurai Cop 2 next week in the theater. All is good in the world.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Really? That’s kind of bullshit. I was looking forward to it. Mike is so lazy.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I expect a full report !

  • Ogrot

    Who would’ve thought Samurai Cop II would be a fuck you its January movie.

  • Ogrot

    What’ve you been drinking? Cigarettes???

  • Ogrot

    Too soon?

  • Ogrot

    **Vomits all over the apartment.**

  • Thanatos2k

    Is there gonna be a new year’s stream this year? I cleared my calendar and everything….

    …Ok, so I never had any plans, but fuck you.

  • I just saw the Mars Attacks prequel movie The Martian. Sean Bean did not die. 0/10

  • Jay cancelled it.

  • Marvin Falz

    “This is what they call a filler.”

  • HeftyJo

    If Space Jesus from “The Phantom Menace” had turned out to be Charles Bronson — I’d been fully behind that.

  • Joe Syxpac

    “And it’s not as good as the stuff they put in Twinkies.”

  • Marvin Falz

    “Mmm, I like to fuck my cat.”

  • infernocanuck

    Random ass suggestion for fellow viewers. Put this song in the background before you press play: https://soundcloud.com/user-465953312/asgore-determination-mix

  • infernocanuck

    Hey. Listen. Watching movies in Canada is no joke. Be more sensitive next time 😉

  • infernocanuck

    Here’s a crazy idea. Could you take your Hateful eight Discussion elsewhere? I’d rather not get spoiled on a movie while reading the comments on a freaking Charles Bronson murder montage video.

  • =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

    Edit: =( =( =( =( =( =( = ( =(

  • Have a gay old time would ya!

  • It was a good Star Wars movie. I loved the part when Darth Vader went nooooooooooooo! It was genius.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Come on, if you’re gonna do a filler killer montage, at least do it properly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0WDfNKX0Os

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    sooooo sorry. But the streamAthong has gone back to its home planet.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I think you were much better than Jar Jar. really.
    Imagine a fat bos nass is instead that turd.
    “Oh no I stepped in da poodo, Slave! clean mesa feet.”
    *Anikin sighs and pulls out a cleaning rag.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    We get to murder people in 2016…. Its time for the most dangerous game…

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yea but then it had music.

  • YEAH, BOIIII!

  • Like Icare

    It’s a massacre Charlie Bron(son).

  • Like Icare

    Beats Jam Of The Month Club membership.

  • I’m so glad I haven’t seen the Hobbit movies.
    I can’t put my finger on it but Legolas looks weird in that movie.

  • Domo

    I think Orlando Bloom wore contacts in LoTR, but didn’t like them for long shoots.

    In Hobbit, they colored Bloom’s eyes blue in post production. It just looks terrible.

  • He has to look 20:ish so they did stuff to his face. Don’t know what exactly but his face is a tad off and that’s more distracting then if he were old.

    #AIDSface #EBOLAskincancerFACE #finalFACErant2015

  • They also very awkwardly changed the color of his eyes, which they shouldn’t have tinkered with at all.

  • Agh, you beat me to it.

  • (´;Д;`)

  • tOmy`

    It also feels like they smeared some CGI gel on his face (at least for the first 2 movies).

  • Domo

    That was vaseline over your eyes, just like the good Mike Stoklasa said.

  • tOmy`

    Hey! That’s my face around these parts!

  • Director’s Cut BONUS ROUND!

  • Zequi

    So that means I can’t wear it why? WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY FACEEEE!!!

  • Sigh. Oh, God. So these new pictures come out next year. Independence Day: Who Cares and Star Trek: Space Stunts & Acrobatics Inc. Wanting the latter more then the former, looking forward to the former then the latter. 2016 better have some good flicks or I just might have to go on another killing spree.

    #Depressed #CocksShotgun

  • tOmy`

    Rogue One,

    It’s gonna be the best Star Wars since Star Wars.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    Speaking of Independence Day, my newsfeed exploded when that trailer came out. It was as if Christmas had come early.

    I finally watched it, and I don’t get it. It looks like every other bland whatever. It looked like a cross between Battleship and Starship Troopers, but without any of the silly charm of the latter. If the movie were named “Alien Invasion Film” instead of “Independence Day” I feel like no one would give a crap.

  • Stahp raping my childhood, Roland Emmerich!

  • Like Icare

    Are you talking about the trailer or the original movie? I’m kinda sleepy so I may be not understandido…

  • TheManHole

    I never understood the first Independence Day. It was a corny movie with good effects for it’s time. It’s not a “bad movie” but I don’t consider it a pop culture milestone, more of something you leave running on the TV. The biggest thing of note the movie did was jump start Will Smiths acting career.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    This movie will bomb.

    (It’s not so-much a prediction as it is a fervent hope.)

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    There are schlocky moments in Independence Day that I’ll always remember. The speech, yes, but also my favorite:

    “You’d all be dead now if it wasn’t for my David!”

    It did jumpstart Will Smith’s movie career, and I keenly recall the fact that his casting in a lead role was somewhat controversial. “Black guy from TV show in big action movie!?”

    It’s nice to look at that film in context, then apply what we’ve learned to 2015 and realize that we’ve come alo- oh… wait… http://cdn.hitfix.com/photos/5867155/Star-Wars-7-Trailer-Photo-John-Boyega-StormtrooperLSWaltDisneyStudios_article_story_large.jpg

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    I actually thought the trailer to Shane Black’s THE NICE GUYS was promising. The bit with Ryan Gosling in the toilet gave me the biggest laugh I’ve had in the theater in a long time. Now, I’ve never seen a Shane Black film, and I know he’s responsible for one of the Iron Man movies, but I don’t care – I’m not going to hold that against him.

    After all the lousy reviews for THE REVENANT, the only thing I’m really highly anticipating anymore is ANOMALISA.

    I immediately take that back, I’m looking forward to the “Batman Kicks Superman’s Ass and Then Makes Buddies,” just to get it all over with and past me.

  • Like Icare

    Not quite… Smith already did Bad Boys back then.
    So at the ID4 time he was already a household name and a bankable star.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    It’s gonna be the best Star War until Star Wars Episode VIII: The Empire Slaps Again Sternly.

  • Earth

    How come it’s only when the Empire doesn’t have a Death Star that they kick the rebel’s arses?

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Something something something The Feels.

  • bassbait

    Happy *sniff* new year *sneeze* ugh… I’m sick…

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    I’ll disagree slightly. Bad Boys was a stepping stone for sure, but it wasn’t nearly the domestic success that Independence Day was. Bad Boys also saw him paired with *another black guy* so he was yet to really establish himself alone as a leading man in an action film. I do recall this being a prominent talking point when the film came out.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Dammit! While on vacation you get sick? What’s up with that?

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    I suppose this is one theory. However, I don’t think it was Will Smiff people went running to see from this stupid, stupid movie as much as all the explode-y White House and stuff.

  • bassbait

    My brother was sick on the way out and spent fucking 5 days within 5 feet of me at all times…

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    I agree that’s not why people went, but upon leaving, it was perfectly clear that his future as a big box office draw was set in stone.

  • Palpatine

    Do you want me to influence the Midichlorians in your bloodstream to make you feel better? I can do that, you know.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    It’s like I’ve always said…”Brothers! They’re only good to borrow money from.”

  • Palpatine

    At least Jeff Goldblum is in it.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    And yet, he has never put over anything but a sci-fi or action genre movie. Hm.

    I know, I know. He “owned” July 4 and all that.

  • Palpatine

    I haven’t seen any lousy reviews for The Revenant.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Twitch called it “a handsome failure.” The New Yorker has called it a “slog.” NPR said it was “standard.” AV Club says it’s unfocused.

    Let’s just put it this way: I haven’t read a single rave, either. In my mind, since I was looking forward to it so much after the trailer, I’m taking the mixed reviews pretty hard.

  • Palpatine

    But that’s The New Yorker and NPR.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    And Twitch and AV Club and others I read before I stopped reading because it was depressing me. Your point?

  • bassbait

    Yeah. I’ve learned to create life, in my pants.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Things That Are Planned for 2016 That Will Never Happen Besides Hillary Being Elected:

    Guns n’ Roses to reunite for Coachella Music Festival.

  • Palpatine

    My point? Maybe you should read more positive reviews of it.

  • bassbait

    Hillary duff is going to be president?

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    I thought it was Hillary Swank.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Is Hillary Duff still alive?

  • Like Icare

    It basically invented the modern alien invasion movies. Including the blue laser thing.

    You need to look at it in context.
    It was the age of cock-teasing X-files aliens which would string the audience on for a decade without putting up some actual alien space invasion shots.

    Plus, there was no decent space invasion in a movie since… never?
    Even TV shows like Star Trek and Babylon 5 refrained from anything like that as it was a costly endeavor to get all those spaceships and space-fighters and all those airplanes to duke it out.
    Plus, all those stories revolve around some kind of space authority which prohibits such genocidal actions and maintains order in space.

    Then, ID4 went big with the destruction of cities which also would take too much money for most movies.
    On top of it all, space invasions were a thing from the ’50s – silly and shlocky flying saucer movies.
    Space movies were either Star Trek or Star Wars kind of stories back then. Aliens coming down to Earth to duke it out with humans was… silly.
    Really guys? US Army vs. Space Aliens? And it’s not even an Arnold movie? Get the fuck outta here…

    And then there’s epic destruction and devastation, humanity on the verge of extinction, nerds and underdogs saving the day, that epic Bill Pullman speech…
    The reason it looks so corny today is cause it was copied ad nauseam since.
    From elements of the movie to the Will Smith’s performance, who’s been playing one and the same character in most his movies.

  • bassbait

    She has to be, if not, who’s going to star in Lizzie Mcguire 2: oh god please don’t make another one?

  • Palpatine

    Do Axl Rose and Slash even talk to each other anymore?

  • bassbait

    Their agents talk to each other.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Pa’s using that good ol confirmation bias to build his case;)

  • Like Icare

    He got Oscar nominations for Ali and Pursuit of Happiness…

  • bassbait

    I don’t know why people were disappointed with phantom menace? It has everything! Jar jar, lightsabers, etc!

  • Like Icare

    He was THE leading man in BB.
    Lawrence was clearly the funny sidekick.

    It was probably envisioned as a Lethal Weapon buddy cop movie with two black leads – but it’s a Michael Bay movie.
    And subtle and balanced ain’t exactly his forte.
    Ergo, comedy guy gets comedied up to 11, the other guy becomes the action guy actioned up to 11.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    Oh no I agree. Bad Boys opened the door for him. But I still posit that having him be an American hero archetype in one of the biggest blockbusters ever, and then pairing him with a nerdy Jewish guy to comprise the film’s two main heroes, was quite the subversion of expectations at the time, even with the success of Bad Boys in the rearview mirror.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Apparently.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Death Wish is a great movie, Taxi Driver gets all the love, but Bronson is the king of blowing away creeps.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    The reason it looks corny today is because it is corny.

    I can’t even get my computer to communicate correctly with the computer in the next room, but The U.S. Awe Farce can Apple on up with alien technology.

    A stupid, stupid, stupid movie. Ground Zero for the new era of Blockbuster Crap.

  • Palpatine

    Why? Axl is right up there with Kim Jong-Un as being one of the worlds biggest assholes. No offense if you’re a fan of either Axl or Kim Jong-Un.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Money.

    It’s been said about many people, but…Axl Rose gotta eat.

  • Palpatine

    He’s eaten too much already!

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Palpy you know that Half in the Bag is no fun when it’s a movie they love, or not nearly as much fun, and they’re going to love H8ful 8ight.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    I will take ID4 over Man of Steel any day.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Sure he did, but they were both bombs. As, it seems, will be CONCUSSION. The argument was about his Box Office super-powers. As far as I’m concerned, you either got ’em or you don’t. ALI fizzled. Are you kidding me? A bio-pic of one of the more interesting and revered cultural figures of the 60s and 70s. No audience interest? My individual belief is that Will Smiff’s been very smart to align himself with dumb event movies that he can charm his way through.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Zero multiplied by zero is always zero.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Oh well, sure. If TwoGuysFromMa’sBasement.com gave it a stellar review, point me to it, because that would be the first one I’ve read.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    Oh man, I vehemently disagree that those two films are alike. Man of Steel is everything I can’t stand about this era of blockbusters.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    It’s pronounced “creeee-ee-eee-ps.”

  • tOmy`

    They could team up with Motör- oh.

  • tOmy`

    I hope they go Pink Floyd – Pulse way and bring out 2 hours long show, during which they drop complete Chinese Democracy.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Man of Steel isn’t any good, but JURASSIC WORLD is everything I can’t stand about this era. Everything I can’t strand about the last era? VAN HELSING. Everything I can’t stand about the era before that one? INDEPENDENCE DAY.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It currently sits with a 8/10 average on RT and 75/100 on metacritic. Doesn’t mean it’s a masterpiece but it doesn’t mean it’s crap either.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    I just couldn’t bring myself to watch Van Helsing.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Independence Day crosses into so bad it’s good territory for me, Man of Steel doesn’t.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Pulse is made up mostly of Dark Side and The Wall. even david Gilmour wouldn’t be so fyucking stupid as to play a show full of Division Bell songs.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Too soon!

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    And Independence Day, however clumsy, broad and stupid it might have been, was at least resolute in sticking to a hopeful message of “different people can come together and save the day.”

    What’s the message of Man of Steel? Teen angst bullshit masquerading as “mature” story telling.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Good on ya. That’s why you’re the Sheriff and I’m the deputy.

  • Roger Ebert gave it two thumbs up and HE’S DEAD!

    #Stoklasa2016

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Thinking about all these terrible movies makes Fury Road look even better.

  • bassbait

    I say it’s fun when they love movies. Robocop? Mad max? Come on!

  • bassbait

    Yeah the motorhead jokes sure are overkill!

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    They’re both Destruction Porn movies. One of them just happens to be a Post-Dark Knight Destruction Porn movie, while the other still clings to the Spielbergian sentimentality of the previous years.

    A wash is a wash.

  • bassbait

    Thanks for spoiling taxi driver. And here I was thinking it was a movie about taking creeps to their destination!

  • Oh yea. Forgot. I refilled my wallet with money, just in case I forget til the premiere.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    I guess this just boils down to preference. If it’s bad film vs bad film, I will take hopeful, pre-Dark Knight schmaltz any day.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    It is fun, just not as much fun as Boyhood, American Ultra, or their masterpiece of film criticism Grown Ups 2.

  • bassbait

    I thought it was pronounced “crepes”?

  • bassbait

    But they loved grown ups 2 ya dingus!

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Yum. Reminds me…it’s lunch-time.

  • Chubby Cox

    You’ve never seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang? That’s a really fun Shane Black movie. The Nice Guys looks almost like a spiritual sequel to that movie.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    No, no they were only half in love with it, they really LOVED Blawl Blarp: Malt Clarp 2.

  • bassbait

    Paul fart mars bars too was p good. Best movie since zookeeper? Perhaps.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Again, I’d like to believe I’m smarter than algorithms. All the reviews I’ve read have been mixed at best, disappointed at worst. “Mixed-at-bests” get turned into “plusses” when formulated for consumption by Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes, but that doesn’t mean they’re positive reviews. You know better than that. Read an entire thought before you try and turn it into a meaningful equation.

    All I meant was the reviews for THE REVENANT have decidedly cooled my anticipation for the movie, and, therefore, the only thing I’m anticipating totally is ANOMALISA.

    That has somehow turned into “You just read snobby sources, and The Revenant won’t be crap.”

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Mike pointing out that all DiCaprio does is yell when he’s trying to act ruined every movie he’s in for me, even Wolf of Wall St. Him being in a movie takes me out of it, even with Inarritu directing.

  • MikeFromCanmore

    When will RLM have the yearly Stream ? anyone know by chance ? I always look forward too it ever since 2 years ago. and i will never forget Twisters Revenge with the running woman about half way or more in the movie that was just too funny. AND…. ISHTAR

    3234 423 AND …..

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Sorry. No more yearly stream. Jay needs to drink more cranberry juice.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That’s funny because I totally enjoyed his performance in WolfofWallStreet even if I do agree with Mike’s criticisms.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    It really was re-watching The Departed, and just seeing him yell his lines at sexy ass Vera Farmiga, I just thought to myself “this is a little boy, not an undercover cop” he always seems like a bratty little kid making a lot of noise. Which probably worked for Wolf.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    I know, for once I’ll be the one faking it, hi-oh!!

  • MikeFromCanmore

    …what for real ?

  • Jason Ross

    It was impressive as far as summer blockbusters go. I remember seeing it listed at my local sticky-plex even after Labor Day

    I won’t say it’s THE FIRST summer blockbuster because some genius here will name a movie that I can’t think of right now.

    Did JAWS debut in the summer?

  • tOmy`

    2015 got saved in the last minute: “Kristen Stewart gives Daisy Ridley one key piece of advice for dealing with Star Wars fame”

    ‘Stay focused on what makes you happy’

    #Heavy #Deep #Submerged

  • RLMkeepitup

    advice more original than a fortune cookie

  • at one point Jeff Goldblum, in a drunken rage, kicks over some old-school metal trash cans conveniently placed inside the super hi-tech hanger where they keep the alien spaceship.

  • Earth
  • Earth

    Gotta put that Hershey wrapper somewhere.

  • tOmy`

    KKBB is one of the most criminally unknown movies out there.

  • Earth
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Nothing says badass like an old man in a toupee murdering hundreds of people.

  • RLMkeepitup

    damn. his shower thoughts are worse than my brain farts

  • RLMkeepitup

    he’s both rambo and commando in the urban jungle

  • Earth
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Like Suburban Commando?

  • Earth

    To be fair, Hilary Duff seems to be one of the only Disney kids to not go insane.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Speaking of Hulk Hogan did he quit acting or did his racism made him quit?

  • RLMkeepitup

    Exactly. Hulk needed a toupee to prevent him from hesitating on his kills, and more creeps to prevent drawn out corny romance.

  • MikeFromCanmore

    or are you joking ?

  • RLMkeepitup

    as others have pointed out Jay said no this year, hopefully he reads all the questions on it and changes his heart

  • MikeFromCanmore

    🙁 this makes me sad it’s one thing i look forward too at the end of the year every year. thanks for letting me know i didn’t know till now. god damn it Jay plz we need our fill of RLM End Of Year Stream

  • bretweir

    Who would win in a fight? Charles Bronson or Neil Breen?

  • bassbait

    Breen

  • Both.

  • Robotpals

    Depends. If it’s a straight up fight, Bronson wins (he’ll actually load his guns). If Breen has time to prepare (i.e., set up forcefields and hack satellites), it’s Breen all the way.

  • bassbait

    But nobody can shoot breen, that’s why they shoot his girlfriend instead. Plus, breen is space jesus.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The compositing in Independence Day has aged horribly.

  • RLMkeepitup

    they both fight corruption, but in terms of scope Breen has more power as he can take down governments and redraw political maps in MS paint

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Thank you, internet.

    http://i.imgur.com/WlGgqAp.jpg?1

  • Chingotchcook

    Wait, was that Brandon Routh at the very beginning?

  • bassbait

    It’s good. Woman is smart.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Who?

  • More profound than Heidegger and Sartre combined.

  • Could be worse, much worse

    https://youtu.be/QpUqpLh0iRw?t=1m33s

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I realize that it’s nigh impossible to reach the intelligence of a newborn baby, but Jaden Smith is striking it damn close.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What if Lars von Trier removed his head from his ass?

  • Robotpals

    I don’t think numbers go that high.

  • Robotpals

    Isn’t Marjoe Gortner Space Jesus? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1arB6k0aZv8

  • I have no idea. Maybe it’s better off there. I don’t know.

  • Suburban Commando? Yes, please. The American epic from 1991! Classic, classic!

    ♫ And now…. laa laa eedee ♫

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hjVWFIkjhU

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    In the battle of Achilles vs. God, God wins.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    A Philosopher King if there ever were one.

  • Thomas Hunt
  • Thomas Hunt

    The safest city in America.

  • tOmy`

    “It’s 2015 and Bridget is now pouring her soul into an iPad rather than a diary.”

    Bridget Jones’s Baby – 16 September

    See it at the movies!

  • bassbait

    I’m in Seattle and all I’m doing here is talking on this comment section!! Because my damn friend isn’t here yet.

    Speaking of not here yet, where’s the next gamestation 2.0???

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • bassbait

    Gross, get that away from me

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’s gamestation 3.0

  • Thomas Hunt

    I just want to say, speaking sincerely now, that Bronson really was one of the most badass American action/Western actors from the 50’s-70’s (Next to guys like Clint Eastwood). I wish we had more grizzled, loner-type heroes who let their actions speak for them.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XkHsinz7oU

  • tOmy`

    This movie looks so outdated without drones.

  • tOmy`

    *0.3

  • tOmy`

    Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams for the Rogue One movie, but it seems like they are yet again casting a female as a lead:

    http://cdn.idigitaltimes.com/sites/idigitaltimes.com/files/2015/08/24/rogue-one-star-wars.jpeg

    Sigh… well, at least there is a blind Chinese guy.

  • RLMkeepitup

    he was pretty muscle ripped before it was a thing

  • dollar store cashier wife

    B D
    R I
    A S
    V N
    O E
    Y

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I thought we had already discussed this picture internet years ago. I think that cast photo looks a lot like the one for Suicide Squad: http://www.ew.com/sites/default/files/i/%5Bcurrent-date%3Acustom%3AY%5D/%5Bcurrent-date%3Acustom%3Am%5D/%5Bcurrent-date%3Acustom%3Ad%5D/suicide-squad.jpg

  • tOmy`

    I can’t help it, but they look like they are about to say “One last flight”… only the shot ain’t that cool:

    http://www.cinemablend.com/images/facebook/news/70546/70546.jpg

  • tOmy`

    Really? My bad then, this is the first time I am seeing it.

  • Palpatine

    A female lead?! No thank you.

  • Palpatine

    I want to hang out with those guys.

  • bassbait

    I have no problem with a female lead.

  • Like Icare

    No subversion there.
    Wesley Snipes was churning out action movies since Passenger 57, Samuel L. Jackson just made Pulp Fiction and Die Hard 3, while Danny Glover was the lead in action movies since the ’80s – to the point that it was acceptable to use him as a replacement for Arnold.

    Goldblum is the one playing the unlikely hero, nerd no one takes seriously.
    Smith was the action guy playing the action guy.
    He was long past his “that show was made on assumption rap guy could act” days.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I could be wrong myself too, of course. I know I discussed it somewhere. To me the cast looks a bit too archetypal. The samurai character and the wannabe Zatoichi look especially out of place in a Star Wars film, although I do realize the whole deal with the Kurosawa influences and whatnot.

    Oh, well. Maybe we’ll get more podracing, seeing those turbines in the background.

  • Commander X

    I’m sure they missed out on the opportunity to have a Star Wars movie where Donnie Yen puts somebody in a triangle choke:

    http://media.giphy.com/media/wUVfxE8VSayY/giphy.gif

  • Like Icare

    That’s cause you’re not Jeff “Master Hacker” Goldblum.
    I.e. The guy who figured out and decoded an alien signal in the satellites, along with the OS of the alien fighter.

    US military gets its ass handed to it repeatedly – until Goldblum figures out how to beat the aliens.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    They also missed out on using Yayan Ruhian’s martial arts skills, the short guy from Raid: Redemption, even though he had a brief appearance in The Force Awakens.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Please let it be Michelle Yeoh.

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    The REAL Ridiculous Six.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What, the blind Chinese guy?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Chao Li Chi?

  • Typically a movie like TFA motivates the fanboys to flame the comments of any reviewer who didn’t gush positively about the movie. You’ll often see idiotic things like, “This writer is so biased!” I think Ebert was on the receiving end of one of these comment waves and remarked on it at one point.
    However, I’ve been scrolling though comments on negative TFA reviews and haven’t seen any flame attacks. People defend themselves, “Well, I enjoyed the movie,” or “I feel bad for people who didn’t like it,” and, “People just need to relax and learn how to have a good time at the movies.”
    In other words, TFA was bad, bad, bad.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    This writer is so biased!

  • caye74

    Sigh… well, at least there is a blind Chinese guy.

    Well, that’s at least original.. Oh wait :facepalm:

  • Sheriff Mitchell

    Bad is a point of view, Captain Prickhard.

    I’ve noticed this too, though. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe because it’s truly an exercise in futility this time. It’s not like the film won’t survive in the scary wilderness unless every critic on planet Earth sends it a care package. It was going to make its money no matter what was said about it. The people that liked it liked it, and the people that didn’t didn’t, and the bottom line is it still made millions and millions of dollars and ensured the life of spinoffs and sequels, like it was destined to do. So who gives a crap.

    Most fans seem very pleased with it. Was that because they went in desperately wanting to like it? I don’t know. History will decide, I guess.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Fuck you.

    Happy now?

  • caye74

    People just can not admit to themselves that their beloved franchise is reduced to typical blockbuster movie, albeit this one will earn a LOT of cash.

    My missus loved it, but she didn’t really want to talk about, which in my experience means she forget about it few minutes after she walked out of theatre. People in real life are divided 50/50, some loved it, some thought it was underwhelming

  • Red Skeleton

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT0dCqe6R6o

    Hm…. how old would Tamzarian Skinner have to be today to have been sent to Nam in 1969? I know there’s some sort of math involved in that question but I can’t be bothered.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I read that really wrong.

  • Like Icare

    Ali was an R-rated Oscar-bait drama, while Smith’s whole audience back then were teenage action-audience, with no interest in the character he was portraying.

    Ali’s fame means nothing to kids born in late 80’s. All he is to them is a stuttering old man. And there wasn’t even a rap song about the movie like in all his other movies.

    On top of that, it was 2001.

    And it was a movie about a guy who famously refused to go to war – while everyone was burning to bomb someone, anyone, back then.
    And you can’t even sell it as a date movie on account of him being a famous skirt chaser, so there’s no central love story to sell to the ladies.

    On the other hand, The Pursuit of Happiness couple of years later was a commercial and critical success – and a happy-sappy PG-13 story about “oomphing it by your own bootstraps into the brighter blah-blah”.

  • Palpatine

    People don’t age in cartoons, it’s a rule.

  • Red Skeleton

    Yes but the cartoon stays contemporary, and Skinner is one of the few characters who can be linked to a specific date (which hasn’t since been retconned). In other words the cartoon stays set in modern day but Skinner still went to Nam in 1969, even if he doesn’t technically age.

  • Red Skeleton

    Speaking of which, *Warning, Empire Strikes Back spoilers!*

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neuMyI8M5fc

  • Palpatine

    How many times have characters in The Simpsons been retconned anyway? There’s this one episode that says that Homer and his friends were in a grunge band in the 90’s, and apparently Bart, Lisa, and Maggie weren’t born yet!

  • Red Skeleton

    Oh, and in other news, did you guys know that guy who used to do the voices for Fat Albert is going to court for sexual assault. :0

    I am shocked. SHOCKED!!

    that it took this long to stick a charge to the bastard.

  • RLMkeepitup

    its nearly all one can say about a remake or reboot, we’ve seen it all before n’ either you approve of the changes or you weep in the rain

  • Red Skeleton

    I don’t know. That’s the most famous example, if not the only. Bart was originally conceived when ESB was in theatres, but that’s obviously out the window.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, I’m one of those guys who gets really annoyed whenever The Simpsons does something completely stupid.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    One of the reasons, I guess, is that the fans are older and, believe it or not, more mature. There’s the usual screaming and etc, but when it comes to those who care about film culture and criticism they’re now more open minded and able deffend their movie love with more balance.

  • Red Skeleton

    Given you weren’t born yet back when the Simpsons was “good” i’m guessing your entire life must have be a constant state of irritation.

  • Palpatine

    It does suck that I wasn’t born when the show was good.

  • Like Icare

    Why is this vapid piece of twaddle being made when the movie flopped like it did?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVIS7fW0ZXY

  • Palpatine

    There was a movie?

  • Like Icare

    They call him Doctor Huxtable.

    Cause he’ll put the drugs in your booze and then strip you down for examination.

  • Palpatine

    Has anyone made a puddin’-pop joke yet?

  • NicCagesHair

    There are some things that should never be in movie theaters and some things that should never be on french fries. Gravy and cheese curds is the rare combo that fits both of those criteria.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    hey, hey, hey. cosby getting locked away.

  • Like Icare

    Yeah… I know, right?

    Apparently you’ll only like it if you’re a fan of the books. And if you’re a little girl.
    No… Really.

    Its imdb scores hit higher values only in the female demographic and both the number of votes and the average score drops down with age.

  • Like Icare

    I’m gonna say yes. Don’t remember seein it, but I’m gonna say yes.

  • Like Icare

    Maybe they’ll diminish the effects.

  • Like Icare

    Male-female-android… what’s the difference?

    It still looks like Battlestar Galactica The Gritty Reboot instead of like Star Wars.

  • RLMkeepitup

    he’s gonna love the jailo

  • Like Icare

    No, it’s bin around for a while.

    And yes, Asians from the planet of Asiana ARE very off… as if they are stereotypes placed there to pander to some audience somewhere…

  • Like Icare

    What?

  • Like Icare

    A 54-year old.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEdpUobc7c8&feature=youtu.be&t=149

    Back in ’75. A decade before he went shooting creeps with rocket launchers.

  • Like Icare

    ‘Cause it’s a good night
    To be out there soakin’ up the moonlight
    Stake out a little piece of shore line
    I’ve got the perfect place in mind.
    It’s in the middle of nowhere, only one way to get there
    You got to get a little mud on the stabilizers.

  • Spoiled Ants

    That dumb old man holding the MG on the muzzle, would’ve burnt his fingers the minute he’s firing that damn thing
    There’s a huge handle on the gun, how about using it, Bronson! You lazy bum!

  • Spoiled Ants

    Arthritis.

  • RLMkeepitup

    what’s your opinion on the bazoooka scene i.e. the blast going 30 ft outward while brosnan is in the room

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It takes a while to heat up. and thats a heat guard around the barrel.

  • Spoiled Ants

    He probably would die. I think his head is ‘meant’ to be there.

  • Spoiled Ants

    On my list for Santa Clause.
    But he never delivers.

    #euthanasia

  • Spoiled Ants

    That was a bazooka? I thought Deathwish sneezed.

  • Spoiled Ants

    Are you saying all my hard-earned videogame-knowlege* is worthless?

    * and the loved ones I threw away for it

  • In The Court Of The Evans King
  • Earth

    What a life of directing action movies gets you:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efl5pFTFnBU

  • What’s the future like? Tell us, Space Cop!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    hot. I’m going back to the pool.

  • Fantastic Boredom and Where To Find It?

  • Wonderful idea! I shall snort some instant coffee powder to kickstart my day.

  • Women suck!

  • Bravoy, Disne? Fail!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    The Tarzanman story gave his a few extra years. but I dont really watch it any more they could have changed it by now.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    If you ask nicely.

  • Not bad. Not great but not bad:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr_1K5YOAq0

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That need to end with a voice over fade to black…
    Sulu “What was that?”
    Kirk “Sabotage.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlOTRxt-dIw

  • bassbait

    So let me get this right, the fact that tfa brought out a different reaction from fans than the prequels is evidence that tfa is… bad?

  • bassbait

    As official queen of the internet, I hereby declare all prequel and tfa comparisons unwarranted. Now evaluate tfa’s worth on its own terms!!!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I like TFA, and mostly because it made me grow up about Star Wars.
    I realised I can never get that magical feeling back of being a child. and that the children who saw the prequels while being wrong have a right to their love.
    And the children who will grow up with these new movies will love them more than the stupid ones and the old boring ones that we spent years fighting over.
    Star Wars.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    A Just did.
    B Domo is the Queen Bee.
    C Happy new years, I’m going to play techno at midnight and when the sub woffa dies I’m going to shout DAMN YOU BASS.

  • bassbait

    I grew up on the prequels. I always liked the ot more, never even knew why. My dad was the perfect age to see all of the sw films and he’s always been a very realistic fan, saying jedi was subpar, prequels were trash, yet he loved tfa. It isn’t just “fanboys who drank the kool aid” who like it. Matter of fact from what I’ve seen the detractors are a pretty small minority.

  • Palpatine

    The Phantom Menace made me feel like an old person watching a news report on taxes.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I loved a lot, liked most of it and was only distracted by a few things. like toy and videogame bits.

  • RLMkeepitup

    well said, sums it up for me as well. Little like taking your kids to disney world instead of being taken. It’s still just a ride it’s all perspective.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Still fyucking talking about Star Wars?

    I just this minute finished watching a movie with Charles Bronson in it that I bet nobody else has ever seen. It was called JUBAL, and he played the cowhand who stands up to the posse. It’s a fairly unremarkable Western-romance, but besides Bronson it has Glenn Ford, Rod Steiger, Ernest Borgnine, Noah Beery and Jack Elam.

  • Palpatine

    Yes, we are still talking about Star Wars. Sorry.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    exactly.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Seen it a few times its good. I love old westerns.I have even seen all the Roy Rogers films… or was it only one… its hard to tell the difference.

  • Like Icare

    Actually… even back as 2003, nobody liked Episode 1.
    http://web.archive.org/web/20031207090947/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120915/

    Episode 2 fared a little better, sure…
    http://web.archive.org/web/20031010032243/http://imdb.com/title/tt0121765/
    But 11 months later it was down to the numbers it would hold for a longer while…
    http://web.archive.org/web/20040402073712/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121765/
    …and finally some 10 years since it came out, it was down to today’s numbers.
    http://web.archive.org/web/20120710045751/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121765/

    Episode 3 hasn’t moved much though.
    http://web.archive.org/web/20050531233504/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121766/
    It took nearly 7 years for it to drop down (and stay there) by what TFA dropped on the day 3 of the US premiere…
    http://web.archive.org/web/20120207080338/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121766/

    …and then TFA continued dropping. And those are more… conservative numbers.
    TFA actually started off at 9.5, with some 2000 votes. Best movie EVAR!
    http://web.archive.org/web/20151215003056/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2488496/
    Now, two weeks later, it’s closer to 8.5.
    http://web.archive.org/web/20151231043201/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2488496/ratings

    So… really… it is NOT awe and magic.
    Episode 1 REALLY IS WORSE than the rest. And TFA really is NOT that good.
    And in the long run, it will probably be seen as not much better than Episode 3.
    Just give it a few years of repeated viewing without constant reinforcement of the idea that it is the best movie EVAR!!!

  • Like Icare

    And what the fuck are you doing here anyway?
    Aren’t you guys supposed to be getting ready to go into the future any moment now by performing that magic ritual that ends up blowing up that bridge in Sydney?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Dude if you want to rant either read my post first or make your own.
    The status of TFA is immaterial. The kids seeing this it is now, To them this is ‘Their’ Star Wars.
    I dont care if you hated it the point is that anyone over the age of 15 is IRELEVENT. live with it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I live 1,500km’s from sydney you racist!
    and I’m drunk at 15:45 local time. HPPY NYE!

  • fred

    I think pants are too expensive.

  • fred

    Speaking of which, I bet the next movie will have an ice planet which isn’t Hoth, but is just like Hoth.

  • Jason Ross

    DON’T YOU HATE PANTS?

  • Joe Syxpac

    And giant armored camels– er– rhinos.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Has anyone not?

  • I want to take his pants… off.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    Was good. Especially Adam Driver, he was the best part of the movie. John Boyega was very good too. Landis is right though, Rey is a bit too good at everything.

  • tOmy`

    Happy New Year in advance! I am effing off till 2nd, so take care and remember:

    NYE celebrations are dangerous. Always wear safety goglies and rubbly gluvs.

  • tOmy`

    It’s still pretty disappointing for me.

  • Commander X

    This is now my favorite montage of scenes from a Charles Bronson movie online, besides this one from another Cannon film starring Bronson, “Murphy’s Law” where he plays veteran LAPD detective Jack Murphy aka Generic McCopname, who is forced to go on the run, handcuffed to obnoxious petty thief Arabella McGee (Kathleen Wilhoite) after he’s framed for the murder of his ex-wife and some of his associates by a bitter ex-con (Carrie Snodgrass) he had arrested years ago.

    Scenes like these are supposed to establish that Ms. McGee has a mouth on her and likes to fire off the insults.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNSwZsb9yss

    If you don’t watch, you’re all a bunch of scrotum-cheeks.

    Charles Bronson IS Doorknob Sucker.
    Charles Bronson IS Jizzum Breath

    Charles Bronson IS Sgt. Dick Brain.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    What are these earth things called pants?

  • Marvin Falz

    I thought Doctor Hug-Stable was doing horse himself.

  • fred

    Maybe I should move to a place that’s always warm…or never go outside.

  • fred

    And someone makes a comment about their smell.

  • Whiskey Jack

    Haven’t seen their Cannon Christmas video yet, cause family is around and eating up my internetz. Did they watch “Invasion U.S.A.”? That’s the best Chuck Norris movie, ends just like DW3. Only better, cause more bazooka. Also, a guy gets his dick shot off. Great film to watch with friends.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It was 41.3c here today…. thats like 10,000 fahrenheit. no one wants that.

  • It’s a concept far beyond your imgination, I’m afraid. I recommend checking out the pornographic motion picture Pants/Off starring Nicolas Cage and John Travolta.

  • Red Skeleton

    This movie only confirms why Charles Brosnan was my favorite James Bond.

  • John Goodman. Watchable in every movie. Good on any screen. I forgot how wonderful he really is as an actor. XoXo.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Cum to Omis house he isnt there and we are wrecking the joint.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Nah, I’m cool right here. But thanks =) =) =) =) XoXoXo

  • Happy Kangaroo to you too!

    #hahahahahahahahaa

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I koala that coming.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Domo

    I’m sick and hungover, but the Pizza Rolls wanted me to tell you all to have a great New Year! Yayyyy.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Could it possibly be a direct reaction to this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2HGZPBDuDs

  • dollar store cashier wife

    So you gotten drunk faster then any of us here? Damn.

  • Domo

    We drunk watched Titanic and kept shouting “When’s the UFO gonna shoot the ship?!” Our friends had no clue what we were referencing, but they joined in on the fun.

    We surmised that the iceberg WAS a UFO all along. Plinkett was totally wrong in that regard. His pizza rolls gave him the wrong info.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Happy New Year! I’ll show you guys my tin, if we’re doing that tradition this year.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    He just misinterpreted the prophecy.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Disco we are trashing Omis house why arnt you there!?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    20 minutes to go.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I don’t have much to add. You guys already posted all the good stuff.

  • McDuck

    YOU GUYS BETTER HAVE A NEW YEARS STREAM-A-THON OR I’M GONNA SHOVE A PIZZA ROLL UP YOUR ASS!

    (I may be going about this the wrong way.)

  • dollar store cashier wife

    2late4that Uncle Scrooge. Unless you bribe Jay or something.

  • Domo

    *choke Jay and steal the Stream-a-thon.

  • Marvin Falz

    Happy New Year to you, Doctor!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You are going to have to buy a ticket to Milwaukee and some pizza rolls. there is no spoon.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    YOU too! its 12:30am but close enough.

  • Marvin Falz

    Thank you in advance. Still 9,5 hours to go. It’s 2:30 PM here.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I know I just set my alarm so I can be back online for CET NYE.

  • Marvin Falz

    Aah. You want to celebrate with the Europeans too. Where’s Domo from? Asia?

  • Marvin Falz

    Yay. Happy New Year to whereever you’re from.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    US of A

  • Domo

    Nono. I just know I won’t be on later, so wanted to say happy new year ahead of time!

    #responsibledrunkshaming

  • Marvin Falz

    Ah, okay, then Happy New Year to you too in advance! *partyhat*

  • Marvin Falz

    Thanks, man.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    To you too, time of the clock be damned.

  • Just remember to moisturize and lube the anus before you do that. It does wonders to absorption.

  • You are the most horrid, wretched, vile pieces of scum that I have never met, but I still love you! Happy New Year! XoXoXo

    #Stoklasa2016

  • ♫ Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport ♫

    #2016 #MoreStarWars

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm0DJpClTBI

  • Earth

    Looks like I’ll be spending New Year’s alone.

    “Depressed party horn sound”

  • One word: manhole (actually two words, but a hole nonetheless)

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Earth

    Well, there are several underpasses in London.

  • Hope you find some good company! Anyways. A biiiiig weeet huuug! XoXo HappyNewYear!

    #Stoklasa2016

  • bleurgh

    HAPPY NEW YEAR HACK-FRAUDS!!!

  • Earth

    A gay time will be had by all.

  • You drunken hobo!

  • Let’s rejoice and play a merry game of throats!

  • Mr Frostback

    Happy Holidays, RLM and RLM fans!

  • Robotpals

    I don’t know why anyone was disappointed with Phantom Menace. They had the special editions; they knew what was coming.

  • OH NO, ANITA SARKESIAN LIKES TFA AND THE ORIGINALS! STAR WARS IS RUINED.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4mA_rIeBAQ

    Here’s a hint:
    I don’t care.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Who?

  • A person who is hated on the internet.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    for all the right reasons though.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    MOVIE OF THE YEAR CONFIRMED!

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    ohhh ok, is that the same woman who did those video game stuff? 2012, right? I’m so out of touch.

  • Palpatine

    The Goddess of Social Justice Warriors.

  • Yep.

  • Palpatine

    Tru dat.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Of course she does. There’s a girl in it who’s like, a protagonist, and she’s strong and female. And she’s also female. And she can also fly space ship. And- and fight bad man with light sword. Just like boy!

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    I think last time I saw her name mentioned was in a article this year, about the new Doom.

  • Palpatine

    She actually likes something for a change?!

  • Thure, but the firtht trilogy didn’t have girl with thword and she thaid it wath ok too. That’th thuthpiciouth.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, she’s very anti-video games.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is she a creative consultant in that too?

  • Palpatine

    The Prequels hadth girl with gun thoughth.

  • “We can love media and be critical of it at the same time”.

  • But she didn’t find thothe interethting.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    It was only a mention though, it was more about activists and video games overall. There’s more mentions of this guys, let me check his name, Jonanthan McIntosh.

  • Palpatine

    Oh, I’m sure she just loves all that “sexist” media she’s so critical about.

  • bassbait

    I get to spend this new year’s bedridden with a horrible fever.

    This is an improvement from last year, where I spent new year’s watching Nukie

  • Marvin Falz

    Then get well soon.

  • You can always visit the manhole and we can watch it together.

  • Palpatine

    I don’t know which way to spend New Years is worse! Sorry, I know you like Nukie.

  • bassbait

    Fair assessment. Could have used more jar jar.

  • Palpatine

    MIKO!

  • bassbait

    This fever wouldn’t be so bad if I had my vcr. I found some potential wotw tapes, but they have to collect dust for a while longer.

  • RLMkeepitup

    white , black, feminazi, we all have midichlorians inside.

  • bassbait

    On this shitty phone with grandma internet I doubt it’ll run. But I can always just watch the movie in my brain by memory.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    As far as I know, no.

  • Some of it is. I couldn’t believe how until I saw.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaNkFvJyNnQ

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Sheriff Mitchell

    Happy New Year, guys and dolls. It’s almost January, which means it’s almost time for the year’s most anticipated film: “Fifty Shades of Black.”

  • In The Court Of The Evans King
  • Marvin Falz

    I’ll probably watch this motherfucker.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I don’t see how that is sexist.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Isn’t he Anita Sarkeesian’s partner-in-crime or something?

  • Yes!

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Yeah. Women having sex and having freedom choosing their partner is sexist because men appreciate it. If they were ugly and not played so over the top it would be fine and not considered to be sexist

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I wonder what would be the closest country where I could find such a thing. Sweden, Boss Nass?

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Not so sure, but I wouldn’t be surprise. But I only read these kind of texts to entertain myself. These people really cannot accept some facts about human condition. So funny.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    I wonder what will be the price of the ticket for the regular screening in Brazil. Cinemark will probably screen it in 3D to gain extra bucks.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    They just hand you the glasses even though the movie is not 3D?

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    I don’t even know anymore.

  • Jason Ross

    Never saw a lesbian with such Puerto-Rican-prostitue earrings before

    Intriguing

  • WrongWithYourFace

    The fact that the main characters are a black guy and a white woman “moves Star Wars into a space that better reflects its audience.” What? The majority of the Star Wars audience now is women and blacks? Not white, teenage nerd boys?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s like They Live, except you have to take off the glasses to see the truth.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I am preparing the Disc of Doom for 21:00 GMT in the hole, if that helps.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That’s in two hours!

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Tomorrow. My bad.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh.

  • Imaf

    Wait… who is Charles Bronson? Wasn’t he on Perfect Strangers?

  • bassbait

    Charles Bronson was that guy in Death Wish 3.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Bronson in Death List 3 was a total missed opportunity.

  • RLMkeepitup

    fire at the dubai hotel lighting the whole thing up like a 60 story candle and the fireworks are planned to continue within eyesight. Quite a show already.

  • *Asians

  • Palpatine

    Do you like Anita Sarkesian or something?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Go them.

  • Palpatine

    *Nemoidians

  • She has some good points but is mostly off or wrong about many things. I found her ‘tropes in video games’ series interesting but when she has gone on to describe the problem of sexualisation of females I had some reservations. Moreover, it’s quite visible that she doesn’t know much about the medium she describes. My favourite example where I think she was wrong would have to be prostitutes in GTA and how she criticizes their appearance in the game… for being what prostitutes usually are in real life. I have to agree with her that the depiction of women in ‘God of War’. It’s terrible and is sometimes more appalling than in some Andy Serkis movies or certain instances of porn.

  • Not if that’s what most of the women are used for in the game.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    The Orgasmatron is just getting fired up, it ate Lemmy, it’ll eat Dubai.

  • TheManHole

    At least he does not have his dick out this time.

  • Palpatine

    How are woman depicted in God of War?

  • Most are sex toys that replenish your health/give you some achievment/bonus.

  • bassbait

    Hoping that rlm starts 2016 strong because I’m bored out of my ass.

  • F*ck You, it’s January, I hope.

  • bassbait

    Obviously they’re going to review the new tearin’ Tino flick. Maybe they’ll actually review a good movie like 50 shades of black?

  • Palpatine

    Fuck You, It’s Year!

  • Palpatine

    Charming.

  • RLMkeepitup

    2015 out with a bang

  • bassbait

    With the way marvel is going, we’re going to have to start saying fuck you, it’s century!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    God of War is over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek and tasteless. In the context of the game, though, I think the depiction of women is kind of appropriate.

    A lot of Aneesian’s points start out like she could actually have something sensible to say, but then the her reasoning and cherry-picked examples are way out there. It’s just a lot fancy words and complex sentences with little substance.

  • bassbait

    Hayden Christensen quit acting because he didn’t want to be a fraud. Sounds like we could all learn a lesson from him.

  • It’s the job of a critic to sound smart. Like I said, she’s mostly off on things, at least that’s what I think.
    When it comes to tastelessness, there’s the Saints Row way and the God of War way. I think the former did it better even if it had a game mode literally called “Whored Mode”.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    If the women are used to that they are more than free to break that pattern. Not by yelling and complaining about previous and current game series. The solution is by making themselves their own vision of the art.

    Regarding Greeks, let’s ignore the fact that scene you sent us is about two overpowered characters, and let’s focus them as man and woman. The woman in that scene has all attention and power. She even mistreats her “husband” showing that she thinks she’s superior to him and he has nothing provide in their relationship. The fact that she’s attracted to Kratos shouldn’t be called sexism, and rather simple attraction. And inside the whole “polygamy scenario” it fits quite well. Since he has the attributes that she needs in that moment. I find difficult to think there were many women who could that in the greek history.

    I believe your complain is more related to the approach. The unessecery yet fun (to me, at least) sex scene. The overuse of sex to exploit male gamers attention into the scene. Well, that’s true, but why one thing have to deny the other. Why can’t a female character be overpowered and at same time be attractive to males, specially young ones? Just because a big part of the female audience doesn’t like the erotive exploitation? And what about the females who do like that sort of thing?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Saint’s Row is an epitome of class!

  • Yes, it’s the approach. I realized somebody could point out that she’s (as Jack would call it) ‘sexually positive’. I guess you could say that I have a problem with the presentation but maybe also with the reasons? She craves Kratos because he (and by extension You, the player) is such a stud (Kratos is more like an all around asshole and self-righteous prick – what happened to grieving for his dead wife and child?). I find it insulting not only to women but to me. You get to ogle the titties of the two of Aphrodite’s concubines complimenting on your sexual prowess but not how you shove your prick inside her vag? Why not go all out? I think I’d have less of a problem in that case.

  • And it’s the only video game series that allows you to be a stripper at least for one mission.

    Mind you, I’m defending a series where you could play as a pimp and snatch “ho’s” from other gangs.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    I’ve never played the game (or any of the seris) so my opinion is limited to the video. I tend to play indie games that are praised, ironically or not, by feminists.

    But if those are the reasons I agree with you, but more like a human being than just because it’s insulting to a certain demographic. Keeping that line of thought that these are just human beings and not gods, the disdain Aphrodite gives to her husband should also be something to be insulted by.

    However, I believe that the lesbian scene was more related to censorship (showing the full sex etc) and even if that’s not the case, it’s basically two women excited and having fun with something they’re seeing. I don’t find that insulting as an alone picture.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    that sounds cool.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    After Episode III (2005) he starred in (IMDb based):

    Factory Girl – 2006
    Awake – 2007
    Virgin Territory – 2007
    Jumper – 2008
    New York, I Love You – 2009
    Takers – 2010
    Vanishing on 7th Street – 2010
    Quantum Quest: A Cassini Space Odyssey (Voice)- 2010
    American Heist – 2014
    Outcast – 2014
    90 Minutes in Heaven – 2015

    It seems like his hiatus happened between 2010 and 2014-15, well after Star Wars dropped. Methinks he had other reasons for leaving (or taking a break for 4 years after making some duds).

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I think Strange Magic was the first summer blockbuster.

    You know, the one written by Lucas.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    fuck hayden christ ass tensen and get down to exiled eurotrash NYE party

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    WHERE’S THE STREAM-A-THON?!

  • bassbait

    Jumper was an instant hit! In the sense that the sleep hit me instantly while attempting to watch it.

  • Palpatine

    They aren’t doing it this year.

  • RLMkeepitup

    He made enough to retire prematurely, poor Jake Lloyd nearly exiled himself from the cameras and public

  • James Earl Jones

    You’re from here too? Fuck you! (and happy new year.)

  • James Earl Jones

    Stopped watching after she said that the thing that she liked the most was that the main characters are a black guy and a young woman.
    Like that’s the most important thing in a movie?

  • Happy new year!

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Feliz ano novo!

  • caye74

    Our timezone, weeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  • Yay! Where are you from, stranger?

  • caye74

    After 2 bottles of vine, from wherever you want me to be 😀

  • I like versatility. Turn around and drop your pants.

  • caye74

    Gad damn it, I knew there was a reason missus keeps me locked in the basement, I am so easy

  • Chubby Cox

    Man, she really loves reviewing shit that she doesn’t have any interest in.

  • Hey, it’s just today. Pretend it never happened.

  • Hank_Henshaw
  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Now I Get It

    It’s inside of you, Bongo.
    It’s been inside you all along(o).
    A very, merry un-New Year to us all, every one.

    Aaaaand back to the land of dreams.

  • RLMkeepitup

    a friend in high school had star wars encyclopedias. I always wondered what human sat down and wrote those things.

  • Chubby Cox

    thank the maker!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That is totally FUCK COMMENTERS ITS JANUARY!!!!
    Value!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    a.k.a. Wacky Kids Jokes part 3

  • dollar store cashier wife

    So Vader?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I had never noticed Vader had a black and silver bib…. weird.

  • A serial number? Is Vader’s suit one of thousands in the same factory run?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    They are great! Especially the translated version. I learned that Darth Vader’s crotch plate actually protects the internal organs, instead of, you know, the crotch.

  • RLMkeepitup

    you know some details are always l̶o̶s̶t̶ found during translation

  • RLMkeepitup

    the suits biography had to fill up 2 pages in the book, they took liberties everywhere

  • Robotpals

    I imagine he quit acting the moment George tried to give him direction.

  • Robotpals

    That was Pierce Brosnan.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It went with Jessi to her home planet.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Did you also know that the T-16 Skyhopper model Luke was playing with in A New Hope actually had additions that he wished to add to his actual T-16 Skyhopper once he could afford it? Wow! I wonder what lengths the writer had to go to obtain that information! What dedication!

    Or he just made it up. Fuck it.

  • according to the Wookiepedia entry on the Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center:
    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Emperor_Palpatine_Surgical_Reconstruction_Center

    “Darth Sidious brought his badly wounded apprentice via shuttle to the Reconstruction Center where he was to be rebuilt. During the duel, Vader had sustained near-fatal third-degree burns, severe lung damage and the loss of his remaining limbs, as well as emotional pain.
    “Overwhelmed by his despair,…Vader broke his bindings on the operating table and struggled to walk under the sheer weight of his new mechanical legs. His subsequent rage destroyed the medical droids that had worked on him to save his life and severely damaged the interior of the main laboratory. It also caused a worker to go deaf permanently.”
    No worries. I’m sure there’s a Galactic School for the Deaf supported by the Emperor Palpatine Foundation.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m surprised he didn’t lose his will to live. Pfft. Padmé just got choked by her boyfriend and gave birth to twins. What a pussy!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That Wookiepedia article is incorrect. Vader isn’t the reason that worker went deaf, it was because of Rich Evans laughing in the theater when they showed that scene.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oh, so that was behind the scenes information. The “worker” being that of the theater.

  • RLMkeepitup

    this is good example of why some details of a movie should be left out, just reading it out loud is hilarious.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The events remain confusing to this day.

  • Vader should be doing ads for RepMed VitaPaste! He’d destroy that Silicon Valley dork who invented a drinkable meal for people who imagine themselves as too busy to chew solid food.
    “Hi! Darth Vader here for RepMed VitaPaste…”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s world building! I’m sure we’ll learn all about the chemistry behind Rey’s inflatable bread once the The Force Awakens dictionary comes out.

  • RLMkeepitup

    does the wiki/nerd base describe where the waste ends up? is there a vent thingy. I dunno why I’m asking. They never splained that in robocop either.

  • RLMkeepitup

    The truth behind why anakin killed the younglings #NoBabies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR6DeSVOFiA

  • bassbait

    I really do think plinkett will cover the matrix sequels. I just rewatched the Jupiter ascending review and he said the matrix sequels had more “gravitas” to them. I think he has more on his mind with those films which makes me think he’ll say more than just “they were dumb and horrible”. Idk I just want more plinkett and I want mike’s opinions on the series as a whole since he refers to it occasionally.

  • RLMkeepitup

    those sequels were so bad, and not in a good way

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I’d buy that for a dollar.

  • Herbert West

    Well that was hilarious. I had no idea Vader was such a shoddily put together wreck.

  • RLMkeepitup

    The exposition in R.O.T.O.R. is so amusing I can watch it by ear.

  • That’s one of my favorites too. Rifftrax commentary is not needed. Pure gold!

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I assume a new Hollywood strategy where if something fails as a movie you try making it into a TV show. See: Minority Report, Daredevil, etc.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Hilariously, chronologically set before the classic episode where he was in a barbershop quartet.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Well, I can’t argue with the amazing logic on display here. If people were screaming death threats at reviewers, it would mean that TFA was bad, and since people aren’t, it means TFA is bad. I got ya.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I’ll take that. Battlestar Galactica The Gritty Reboot is one of my all-time faves. Maybe they’ll figure out X-Wings can do those zero-grav turns, too.

  • bassbait

    Happy New year to everyone!!! Have a great year!!!

  • bleurgh

    Who?

  • RLMkeepitup

    Somebody send We Wish You A Turtles Christmas to Mike for next year

  • bleurgh

    George Lucas did an interview with Charlie Rose wherein he shits on the Force Awakens and call it ‘retro’ whereas his film were all original.

    This is a thing that actually happened.

    There was nothing original about your shitty prequel trilogy George, you stupid douchebag.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    I believe this is our first disagreement. The prequels were “original” to the other Star Wars movies. Trying something new is not a guarantee to that the project is going to come out good. Lucas tried a not “good vs evil” scifi, something more complex. He really did. But his visions are not enough to give a remarkable and deep storytelling. At the same time there were no “good” and no “evil”, there was a bloody annoying cartoon rabbit on screen.

  • Gasp! 😀

    Fuck you, it’s January!

  • TheseMenAreFrauds

    Prequel to “Fuck you, it’s year!!!”

  • Happy f*** you it’s january! However due to budgetary reasons we are cancelling january.

    #Stoklasa2016

  • Like Icare

    No, I get what you said.
    I’m saying that it is… not. Not “their” Star Wars. Maybe “current” Star Wars but that’s it.
    And that should they actually get into it all, they will eventually gravitate to the original trilogy as their favorite – i.e. their own.

    Simply because that’s the only one that works.
    Both as a movie, as a trilogy – and as a heroic epic with elements of fantasy and mystery but (and this may actually be the most important ingredient) without the whole historic, nationalistic, religious or ritualistic baggage that all other such stories have.

    I actually just finished The Hero with a Thousand Faces yesterday, listening to it while cooking and let me tell you – muffins came out great.
    Now… That book is FULL of filler as so much of it is quoting of various myths. And a lot of it is twaddle, like “because Freud” or “because Nietzsche” pseudo-arguments here and there.
    BUT… Campbell was one insightful motherfucker.

    He figured out the underlying system of all those children’s tales and folk legends and how they are all basically teaching tools for dealing with one’s place in the society, or with one’s inner psychological issues, or one’s reason for existence… basically tools that a society uses to teach its members the defining philosophy of the society itself AND of the human being within it, of the society in the relation to the world and of the relation of the human being to all those things and to itself and to other human beings.
    And if you don’t follow those lessons… it’s wolves, disease, war, famine, AIDS, wrath of god…

    I.e. Bad shit will happen to you if you don’t do the things that you are supposed to do to maintain the health and prosperity of your society, cause even if you escape all other punishment you can’t escape that you are a part of that society – you can’t escape yourself.

    But most importantly, Campbell goes at one point about how after the Moon landings and that photo of Earthrise we found ourselves (though it was actually long before that we got there… probably somewhere around the discovery of all the continental masses) in a world where all those myths now suddenly don’t work anymore.
    I.e. Stories (which include all religions and even history) that explain and define all separate societies are proven false with the realization of a reality of a world where borders and limitations are completely imaginary.

    Put that in your existentialist pipe and smoke it, humanity.
    But don’t take long cause here come global disasters to underline the faults in your ideas about the reality of the world.
    Clouds don’t care about borders – be they rain or radioactive fallout.

    At which point along comes Lucas, cribbing from various epic sources, but also STEEPED in the society on a philosophical quest for the solution to that problem of humanity without some kind of a guiding myth about itself.
    Clearly, seeing the prequels, he doesn’t “get it”, but he did “know” it at the time – which was just after the ’60s, when he first started working on Star Wars.

    And thus he creates a heroic epic without national or religious overtones, but with all the necessary elements a human society would build into its myth if it were a pangalactic society.
    Older “more civilized times”, tyrannic overlords who’ve alienated themselves from the magic and the tribe, heroes, rebirth, magic…

    He created, by mix and match, a story that social human animals will be able to plug themselves into with ease.

    He created THE Star Wars “of our own”.

    Not of a generation or even a nation – he created the myth for humanity… and basically plugged the hole.

    That’s why all that “our”, “their”, “yours” or “mine” Star Wars won’t work.
    Not only does it need to be an epic myth – there needs to be a hole that needs to be plugged.

    Society needs to sense a void but without being able to point at it and say “We got this void here where our understanding of the world used to be, we need to purchase another one from the epic shop.”
    Then some hackfraud needs to come up with a timeless tale of how awesome we are and how through self sacrifice and blah blah…

    And timeless is a HUGE element.

    One of the reasons Matrix failed SO hard was its ’90s fetishism as opposed to Star Wars which really at worst is just 20th century in its imagery.
    And I’m not talking silly goth outfits – I’m talking both the look of the Matrix permanently stuck in the ’90s AND the whole feel and the rhythm of the movie dictated by the techno soundtrack and the actiony feel.

    Including that idiotic “rave in the cave” – in a world now full of small children and elderly people.
    Matrix also gets other fundamentals of the myth wrong, but I digress.

    The point of all this is that TFA, when compared to the original trilogy, will always come out lacking – and so will the sequels.

    They are already set up for failure as they are basically trying to retcon the already established myth… and in quite LITERALLY wrong ways.

    The entire “Luke as MacGuffin” story line is the equivalent of a situation where the Catholic church would take the Last Temptation of Christ as a template for its The Bible – Episode More.
    Except, it turns out Jesus actually went into hiding in the end you see… and then he trained little kids to be the new Messiahs… but then he fucked off to an island cause Romans were after him… and now one of those kids has returned an it will be the new Messiah and there will be another Christmas for you to spend more money this year.

    It’s a retarded attempt to replace a mountain (the established myth) with a pile of rubble, by pushing at the mountain really hard.

    Like, with BOTH hands.

    Same goes for all attempts to make it more appealing or current.
    Zeitgeist is the opposite of what myth is trying to be.
    It’s Matrix’s “rave in a cave” and “computers are magic” – not “Force will be with you. Always.”

  • Like Icare

    It’s not really about did you like it or not. I for one got really tired of it really fast.

    It’s about whether that feels like Star Wars or not?

    With all that obvious dark and gritty side-story with modern characters who for some reason dress like samurai because cool.

  • Like Icare

    Fuck you it’s January everyone! Fuck you all!

  • Like Icare

    Indeed. Not trying to be original was not the fault of the prequels.
    But almost everything else was.

  • Predictably, CBS has issued a C&D letter to the self-important and bloated looking Trek fan-flick ‘Axanar’. I don’t care that they raised $2 million and it was a “labor of love”. [Related note: The project was increasingly shady and Tony Todd (Kurn, Candyman) quit months ago citing lack of financial accountability.] It seemed terrible from the get-go: inspired by a lack of detail in a Memory Alpha entry about some event in Federation history. (see Overthinking Vader’s suit in Wookiepedia)
    No kickstarter can help you write better. TV and film remain a writer’s medium. They made a professional grade CGI starship – great. The clips looked like a Lucas-style Walk ‘n’ Talk between space battles.
    Filmed role-play isn’t drama. And enough about how “we, the fans” are the real creators. God, fans should be outlawed.

  • Like Icare

    Now, now… at least he tried to make something new, not the exact same story. Again. Like he already did with the Jedi.

    He redefined failure in the process, but he sure did try.

  • Red Skeleton

    Looks like Axenar is getting
    *Puts on sunglasses*
    ….SUNK!
    *Puts on more sunglasses*
    …. AT THE BOX OFFICE!

  • Red Skeleton

    I have to say, this board has really gone downhill since Andrew got banned and his son took over. Kinda reminds me of Sealab 2021…

  • yyyyYYYYEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

  • I want to wish everyone here a very happy Captain Picard Day!

  • Well, to be fair. The father in Sealab died.

  • Like Icare

    Oh yeah! Content! I fuckin love content!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVzc20Bm8Xo

  • You’re late. DTHCW was firthth.

  • Like Icare

    I WAS ASLEEP! I CAN’T HALP IT! I NEED SLEEPAGE!

  • Thanatos2k

    They said Fuck you, it’s year! because they thought Star Wars was gonna suck. But then it didn’t suck!

  • Thanatos2k

    Yeah, they needed to be less original, because I don’t like things that are different.

    The new Star Wars knew that.

  • Red Skeleton

    Oh I know. Harry Goz was kinda the backbone of the show, though.

  • Red Skeleton

    Hurray, it’s January again! I can’t wait for them to cop out and not actually review any January movies.

  • I can confirm:

    ‘Alien: Covenant’ Is Set a Decade After ‘Prometheus’ Because in Space, No One Can Hear You Soft-Reboot
    http://www.slashfilm.com/alien-covenant-timeline/

  • So, they’re pulling a Beneath the Planet of the Apes or Alien 3. We might see Rapace in some scene near the end or her corpse.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Alien died in 1979. I consider everything that followed fan-fiction.

  • ***This comment may contain spoilers***
    You mean Beneath Earth? THEY BLEW IT UP!

  • Bubs

    I’m already over this movie and they haven’t even started pre-production on it. No one cares about Prometheus. Even Ridley Scott knows it sucked. So just pretend it didn’t happen, and just make Aliens 14. Have a bunch of assholes in space running around getting murdered by a giant black H.R. Giger nightmare. No one will care that we’ve already seen it done 18 times before and it’ll make a shitzillion dollars. Jesus Hollywood, you’d think after 9000000 reboots you would know how to reboot this franchise.

  • NicCagesHair

    They should crossover Alien and Planet of the Apes. That would be a lot of fun. It would be stupid fun, but still fun.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    its the lack of Omi.

  • Commander X

    None of the Axanar footage looked any better than any of the fan films I saw back in the days before Youtube and other services. A lot of Trek, Star Wars or Doctor Who fanfilms shot on VHS starring doughy non-actors who engaged in “action scenes” with toy weapons while awkwardly scrambling around various “abandoned shopping plaza” and “weed-strewn clearing” sort of locations meant to be exotic alien locales.

    You can slick up that sort of stuff all you want but it’s all the same awkward amateur nonsense.

    The attitudes of some “fan” filmmakers reminds me of the people who churn out fanfiction and attempt to justify it by saying they’re taking narratives out from under corporate control, or something along those lines.

  • See aliens fighting the ultimate force in the universe! Hulk Hogan is Hulk Hogan in this daring space adventure WRESTLE MANIA ONE: IN SPACE.

    #ProperReboot #LegDrop

  • The Martian: Exellent form. Gods and Kings: Horrible mess. Could go either way!

    #HighHopes

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Start your year in the Manhole @ 21:00 GMT To-Day with the Disc of Doom 2016 where YOU are the DRIVER!

    Over two dozen short-form selections from the past, present, and future of the Manhole at your dirt-encrusted finger-tips!

    Thrill as you Shake Hands With Danger!

    Marvel at Art 1992!

    Curse loudly at Supermarket Barcode Zombie Nazis!

    AND THE REST!

    http://www.classtools.net/random-name-picker/45_bUGgEg

    https://cytu.be/r/TheManhole

  • Red Skeleton

    How come the ban stopped Omi but not you or Palpy, again?

  • Domo

    Omi was IP banned, but because of where he lives, he can’t change his IP to circumvent the ban like others can.

  • Like Icare

    I wonder if they’ll show that she was faceraped by aliens. Again.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87HKe0ggt34#t=606

  • Like Icare

    Gods and Kings does have one tiny redeeming quality.
    Bale’s performance of Moses as a schizophrenic – which is what someone seeing and hearing things would probably be diagnosed as today.
    The rest is just one big “Why is this a movie?” giant purple question mark.

  • Like Icare

    Two hours of screaming monkeys running around while being eaten alive?
    If I’d wanted that I’d start going to sportsball matches.

  • Like Icare

    You know… For kids.

  • bassbait

    It’s 2016 now!!! Everyone have a great 2016!!!

  • Like Icare

    Nanoyeasts of the Yakitate nebula would cause the bread to leaven in seconds due to large quantities of tiny pockets of gas these yeasts would provide.
    Gas would then rapidly oxidize in contact with oxygen causing the bread to self-bake.

    Many strains of nanoyeasts were created by Yakitateans over the millennia and their pastry was sought after across the galaxy.
    Several wars were fought over the secret of nanoyeasts as the pastry made with such yeast was able to provide quick nourishment to the troops in battle or the workers in the fields allowing for a huge economic advantage to the side that commanded the nanoyeasts.

    It wasn’t until the BUDGETARY CONSTRAINTS of the final Yeast War forced Yakitateans to substitute the flour in their pastries with substandard flour substitutes that the Yakitate nebula was finally conquered and the nanoyeasts became available on the galactic market.

  • Like Icare

    Budgetary constraints. Palpatine ain’t made of money. The man runs a bussinenss.

  • Like Icare

    Jorge can youuu seeee… No… wait… For oooold land sine, my dear, for old laaaand sine…

  • Trask

    I actually like Prometheus. It may be flawed but it has enough original and interesting ideas to keep me hooked. Especially the whole our creators hate us stuff. It’s a shame they will soft reboot it.

  • Like Icare

    Where’s their jetpack now?
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/13/10/2E67EE4200000578-3316798-image-a-38_1447411286515.jpg

    No… really… where are the jetpacks they bought for THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3316798/Flyer-fighters-Firemen-Dubai-issued-JETPACKS.html

    Just imagine that glorious disaster, people plummeting into blazing fire with jetpacks strapped to their backs.
    Cause launching people into fires is probably the only thing they are good for.

    Can’t haul a hose. Can’t carry weight. Can’t really use it for rescue cause you need to be securely fastened in and it’s one per person.

    AAAND it is not really a JETpack so there is a huge difference if you’re flying it in a hot and thin (not in a supermodel kinda way) air or in an air-conditioned hall.

  • Like Icare

    Not really. He was more like just taking a short break. He’s in the news BECAUSE he’s “making a comeback”.
    He’s a fine actor. Leave him alone kids.

  • RLMkeepitup

    that or celebrate the new year turnover with last years hangover, muwaha

  • RLMkeepitup

    you describe the plot to alien 3. can we all in 2016 agree that alien 3 is better than prometheus?

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’m curious how that even works on mobile devices. It wasn’t explained in the family guide to the internet

  • Like Icare

    Speaking of They Live… Where is that remake we were promised?
    http://www.avclub.com/article/emthey-live-emremake-is-no-longer-technically-a-re-54427

    Or are we actually seeing it in another format, every time Donald Trump is shown on the screen?

  • Like Icare

    I’d expect that a cross-dressing black man would have more understanding for what’s REALLY important in Star Wars.

  • Like Icare

    Goongas.

  • Like Icare

    Job of a critic is to provide insight.

    Sounding smart is the job for snobs and the incompetent.

  • Like Icare

    …and then that first girl raised a self-hating sociopath who killed his own father and countless billions of innocent people and aliens.
    Whodathunkit Jar Jar was such a mysoginist? It’s always the bespectacled big-nosed ones…

    #andSJ4all #feminist_icons_make4shitty_moms #keepHerInTheKitchen_saveTheGalaxy

    Or it’s just that Skywalkers are psychos who are really bad at relationships and parenting.
    http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_super/11121/111215016/4506476-anakain+ability+tk+force+choke+%284%29.gif

  • Palpatine

    Oh I’m still banned. I’m just using a private IP address to bypass it.

  • Like Icare

    For your viewing pleasure. Oldie but goodie. Talking pigs…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0cq2ymJu7g

  • Like Icare

    True dat.

  • Like Icare

    There’s a reason they don’t call him Barelypassableman.

    It’s cause that was not his father’s last name.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    So no official Streamathon this year I take it?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    So evil.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Does Andrew not die (often) also?

  • Like Icare

    “Kiss my squirrel” is one of those horribly neglected lines that just don’t get enough airtime these days.

    It’s a crying shame.

  • Like Icare

    Yes.

  • Jay cancelled it, because art.

  • Like Icare

    He decided that since we can’t experience it in 70mm there’s really no point in watching it.

  • They just love their Prickhard.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Curse him and his artistic integrity!!

  • I prefer live script readings, everything else is too mainstream.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ‘hunger for money and respect

    FTFY

  • Palpatine

    *fart

  • Like Icare
  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I know it’s the internet and we make knee-jerk assumptions based on a single photograph as a matter of course, but perhaps we could wait for more than a single photograph to judge it by?

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    No love for Aliens?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Nope. I consider it to be an overrated pos that destroyed every single thing that made the original good.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    🙁

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’m an extremely small minority though so don’t pay attention to me I guess.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Oh shit, that was the planet that exploded in Star Wars!

    RIP in Peace Jessi

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That Bongo and alongo rhyme made me laugh a little TOO hard.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    🙁

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Aka Dumper.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Jumper? I don’t even know ‘er!

  • bassbait

    Phone’s about to die. See y’all late tomorrow or the next day, because charging phones while driving is apparently impossible

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Art…by Brian Thwords of York?

  • Like Icare

    It ain’t a candid production snapshot someone made from across the street.

    It’s a staged publicity still.
    Of actors, in costume and makeup, on the set, surrounded by props, ACTING their characters.
    It’s an advertisement, same as if it were a trailer, more so than if it were a poster (cause posters can often be more symbolic or textual in nature) – they are selling us that look and feel.

    And should we rise up in indignation and righteous anger, crying out like one “This is not Star Wars! This is some emo-gritty reboot-Galactica crap for the dark and gritty crowd! We do not want this! We hate grit! It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere!”
    They will remove exactly that one aspect from the movie.

    Like… use less gritty makeup. Or make everything 10% brighter in post.
    Just like they reacted to the ridicule that retarded special lightsaber got after that fist trailer – by removing that single shot shown in the trailer from the finished movie.

    There are no surprises any more.
    No last minute changes for the sake of the story or creativity. No fixes or happy accidents or actor input.
    This is now a franchise managed by a committee.
    Not a universe created or directed by anything even remotely resembling a vision or creative desire for expression of ideas.
    It’s exactly what it says it is on the can. Nothing more. Nothing less.

    It’s Pirates of the Caribbean the way it was MEANT TO BE before Johnny Depp came in and started acting all gay and drunk and ruining it.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Sparrow#Johnny_Depp

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    He took it personally. I have no shame and palpy is strong with the dark side.

  • Now I Get It

    It was parenthetically designed to be that way.

    Also, I expect to challenge you, in the whole constellation of RLM wemzones, for fewest appearances this year.

    Here’s to real life.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    You can’t judge things just by publicity stills, actually. For example, you mentioned lighting. Well, I can tell you that photos from Entertainment Weekly and its ilk almost always have lighting different from the final film (although I’ll admit it’s usually brighter, thus giving things a fake-looking quality, whereas this is pretty dark).
    You seem pretty biased against it without the photo, anyway, since you’re taking the entire way in which the movie was created to task.

  • Like Icare

    No… You very much CAN judge things by the publicity stills.
    In fact, that’s why they are putting it out there – to affect your judgment of the product(ion).
    It’s just that they want you to go “OMG! That is SO awesome!” instead of “That does not look like something out of that universe. It looks too dark, too gritty, feels like pandering to various politically correct crowds while milking the brand recognition of the franchise…”

    What you can’t judge is things that are NOT in the photo.
    Like story. Or the soundtrack. Or the plot twist when it turns out it was all a dream.
    You have to wait a while to be able to judge those properly.

    As for “being biased” for “taking the entire way in which the movie was created to task” – that’s called basing one’s judgment on previous experience.
    I.e. Empiricism.
    Also, realism – which is a bias towards reality.

    We’ve seen previous results of Disney taking over other work and expanding it into a franchise, or taking a franchise and creating a cinematic universe out of it – and just how far with milking it they will go, what they’ll be against, what they’ll be for and what it will all tend to be like.
    Expecting this franchise to produce anything better just because it is Star Wars and not POTC or Marvel would be delusional.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I like the Marvelverse most of the time…POTC became about giving Johnny Depp wacky things to do, unfortunately.

  • bassbait

    Fittingly enough my memory jumped past having seen that movie.

  • Like Icare

    Substitute Johnny Depp with Robert Downey Jr. aaaand…

    Remember how it was all supposed to be about these pan-galactic, pan-universal forces?
    Instead of about villain of the week movies ever since Avengers and that side-story in Guardians.

    POTC was a lucky mess which borrowed from better sources and ready-made lore, but which REALLY got lucky with Depp’s expansion of the character he was playing.
    Much like with those Minions.
    Love them or hate them kids are wild about them. Just like about Jack Sparrow.
    Unfortunately… they decided to make a fourth one… and the fifth one… after the story was already over.

    Even going back to the source material for the “ghost story”of the first movie… but all the best bits already being used up, all that was left was “giving Johnny Depp wacky things to do”.
    Unfortunately.

    Then again there’s that whole “it’s a carnival ride” thing about it so… could have been far worse.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I just feel like the internet was like “YEAH, LAWERENCE KASDAN!” then because the script had another Death Star in it they were like “OH MY GOD THAT HACK FRAUD LAWRENCE KASDAN!”

  • Like Icare

    Well… that’s cause most people would like to ignore Jorge’s work even when it was good.

    So all the credits for the Empire was given to Kasdan… when it was actually still George Lucas who came up with all the main points that make the Empire what it is.
    After having several goes at it.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Empire_Strikes_Back#Writing

    Same as with Star Wars… it took him years to figure out the story and characters.
    When he tried to do the same more quickly… years later… when he was no longer in that state of mind… we got the prequels.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOiE0LCu6J0

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Fewest appearances? Hmm … I’m only really absent because I don’t have internet at home yet. Haha.

  • Now I Get It

    I recall you announcing the turn your life had taken. And maybe similarly for me, this has to be a year of “putting my affairs in order,” not to sound too ominous about it. If not, I’ll need an assistant, which I can hardly afford and wouldn’t trust anyway.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    How about that?

  • No Name

    Just perfect…!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Hmm … yes, life has thrown a few curveballs. I am currently trying to hit them. Not sure how good my batting average is right now, though. Hopefully your average is good!

  • Now I Get It

    Mmm, can’t talk.
    Batting helmet so big it covers eyes
    yet too small to come off.
    Weird.
    Tripping down dugout steps
    slamming into hall
    slipping into shower walls.
    Helmet won’t wash off.
    Just asked wrong guy for towel.
    Varicose veins strangling testicles.
    (Don’t ask.)
    Another blind birthday.
    (Belated.)

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Perhaps you should stick with bowling.

  • Now I Get It

    It doesn’t matter what I play, Taco, I still have to wear the helmet.

    (Mothers are morons.)

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Your posts are too vague for my Taco brain to decipher.

  • Now I Get It

Back to Top