Best of the Worst: Vampire Assassin, Hack-O-Lantern, and Cathy’s Curse

October 26, 2017155 Comments

Boooo! It’s that time of year again for another Best of the Worst Halloween Spooktacular! This year, the gang watches the totally-not-a-Blade-ripoff Vampire Assassin, The Halloween-themed slasher film Hack-O-Lantern, and the totally-not-an-Exorcist-or-Omen-ripoff Cathy’s Curse. BoooooooOOOooo!!!

Filed in: Best of the Worst

  • Brian Levine

    First! Uh, wait…there’s no prize for this?

  • Calum Offswitch Hay

    Oh em gee it’s a spooky.

  • Ret Marut

    “Why so a boy.” –Rich Evans, Esq.

  • My body is ready.

  • kalibos

    I am so scared right now

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    The grandmother in Cathy’s Curse looks like Cesar Romero.

  • Smiley_ie

    @ 7:56 Taffey Lewis from Blande Runner.

  • Ret Marut

    Was the “plan” to make an episode where they were all as drunk as they had ever been on camera? They seem pretty smashed. Well, except Rich Evans, Esq. of course.

  • Donaldo Knottso

    Rich may not drink, but I hear he licks hallucinogenic frogs.

  • Ret Marut

    “Ha ha, rubber SPI-der! Here’s ah, here’s ah, here’s ah, bath TOWEL. Let me put yr bath towels around you. Isn’t weird that yr NEW-dee??? That’s the way they roll in Davenport.” –Mike Stoklasa, Ph.D.

  • somewhat shocking silverwheel

    #prayforRichEvans #enddiabetesnow

  • YOU

  • durhay

    I watch Hack-O-Lantern on All Frauds Day.

  • Ultor_IVXLCQ

    m/ \M// M is for METAL!! not Satan #HornsForMetalnotSatan

  • John76h

    #HarveyWine-stine

  • Brad Parks

    Anyone else notice that Vampire Assassin was from 2005? Did they time travel back to the early 90’s to steal a camera to film it on?

  • DanteSuckfest202

    Where’s that PopCultureReference guy? He usually get’s in on the comments by now. I have no idea what he could possibly say in response to this episode after all the references and name drops RLM just tossed out.

  • Kenchun24

    Great Halloween episode guys! Hack Fraud Mike exposed again! He loves Jurassic World, Independence Day Resurgence and Dull Blade… ugh.

  • DoobzMcgee

    I think this made me poop my pants a little. #Harvey’s Curse

  • LameSame

    Holy cow, you guys are drunk. And I hate to enable, but the drunker you guys get the better the video.

  • metalraygear

    Mike you crazy son of a bitch!

  • DeColonise

    Mike is undefeatable ! 😀

  • Mr_Show

    Yay!

  • frankelee

    They give him shit for this, but just sat there smiling for Force Awakens. I mean seriously.

  • AngryRobotJanitor

    It’s funny you watched Hack-O-Lantern, cause you guys are hacks!

    I bet no one made that joke!

  • DanceOfBirther

    So many catchphrases. Everything’s fine.

  • Ash Williams

    When god finally smites Hollywood, let’s build the new one in Milwaukee.

  • Maized and Confused

    #HarveyWeinstein

  • Maized and Confused

    #HarveyWeinstein

  • Donaldo Knottso

    Jesus Josh, you’re such a hipster. Where’d you dig up that antique phone?

  • Moist

    Sorbiety sucksh!

  • Maybe it was filmed in the 90s and released years later. Kind of like an Amir Shervan film or “Dangerous Men”.

  • Moist

    Who’s getting shit and where do I go to get some?

  • Rick_Berman

    Your mother is a bitch.

  • YOUR mother’s a bitch!!!

  • You drunks are fuck as shit.

  • Studio Executive

    Will Mike Stoklasa become the next Armond White? We can only hope so, because we need some sort of positive quote on DVD covers!

  • Ret Marut

    I’ll have a bourbon and 7UP Rich–before I jump out of this plane….

  • Bleurgh

    So the actor from Dull Blade is basically a black Ryan Gosling?

  • Papa Figo

    Beard grooming advice: myrrh oil. That stuff Jesus got for birthday. It smells kind of hippie, but it is great.

  • Moist

    Myrrh? Meh.

  • harumph

    Nude Tai Chi.

  • The Brosevelt

    The best part was when Mike was trying to convince Jay Dull Blade was great because it was a period piece when the little guy could make a remake on VHS tape like Feeders…..but in 2005 with 90s technology.

  • The Brosevelt

    Black Ryan Gosling? Now, that’s something Rich can get behind.

  • Chowderbatter

    Took me a trip to IMDB to remember where I saw that guy.

  • TheRealBadHatHarry

    A bomb?! That’s a very dangerous animal!

  • Hack O Lantern… :). wonderful.
    happy Halloween everyone!
    Len K
    http://www.patreon.com/killerwolffilms
    http://www.twitter.com/killerwolffilms

  • Brian Levine

    Stop propagandizing, Kabasinski, and tell us what YOU thought of Boo 2.

  • Brian Levine

    Almost as good as New Chai Tea.

  • Brian Levine

    He’s busy combing through the JFK files.

    Spoilers: JFK gets shot.

  • Brian Levine

    Huh. The two targeted ads that show for me are a job site that says “Hack Your Career” (I agree) and one featuring red boxer shorts. Dang, but the technology is getting spot on.

  • Moist

    When I was on facepage I got hit with ads for adult diapers and the new T-Swift album. I only wish that someone in real life knew me that well.

  • ikdks

    I think i’m going to consider Mike’s fascination with bad black cinema to be forward thinking.

    Though frankly it could go either way.

  • L.J. Negrete

    you guys at your best this is a good one glad to see you’re still having fun, lost is at mike’s choice for BoW (now please rip that piece of shit Twin Peaks return a new one)

    Your mother is a bitch.

  • Payback85

    Jay’s editing is borderline experimental.

  • EJ

    NOOOOOO!!! I’ve been waiting for 50 years to find out how that Presidency turned out!!!

  • Joe Syxpac

    Len Kabasinski is like Beetlejuice, if you say his name three times he shows up to shill his newest film.

  • Nicolas Steven Peterson

    of course beard-o hates iphones hahah

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Vampire Assassin? Back and to the left.
    Hack-O-Lantern? So an RLM documentary.
    Cathy’s Curse? I hate that comic!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Having a smartphone would cut into his annual hipster t-shirt budget.

  • Donaldo Knottso

    This was the best episode yet. Even better than The Sweeper, Empire of the Dark and Mad Foxes episode.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Josh disgusts me. He is an even better personality vacuum than I am.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Butter vacuum? Sounds about right.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Isn’t that the sounds a cow makes? Myrrh. Myrrh.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Or in front of.
    **slide whistle**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Bitch, are you for real?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    At the local haberdashery and suspenders co-op where he buys his beard oil.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Enable away!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The files are just Marilyn Monroe beaver shots and measurements for J. Edgar Hoover’s bustier. Total fail!

  • Moist

    Sure, there’s a prize. It’s a trophy in the likeness of Steve Bannon trying to suck his own cock. Congratulations.

  • Moist

    Seriously, that cartoon character is an affirmation of nihilism.

  • Jonny Edworthy

    “Previously only viewable as low-quality bootlegs….”
    “Now viewable as a low-quality Blu-ray!”

    But enough about Gorilla Interrupted.

  • Cakefarts

    I have a feeling that the Indian guy in drag dancing beneath the stairs is none other than a cameo by Jag Mundhra. Or his Son.

  • EJ

    He’s just, like, you know, this guy.

  • EJ

    He’s just, like, you know, this guy.

  • EJ

    Hopefully text-to-speech lady becomes a regular feature on BOTW.

  • EJ

    You know he’s not actually in drag, right? It was cool for men to wear caftans in the 1970s.

  • EJ

    At least he doesn’t use it as an excuse to have his characters say the n-word all the time, like Tarantino does.

  • EJ

    Dude they show the Blade Runner scene later on in the video.

  • ikdks

    No, i mean, is it like a civil rights victory that black people are no longer excluded from being mocked for making fools of themselves in bad movies?

    I don’t remember mst3k doing Blacula or Black Belt Jones. Maybe they didn’t have the guts. It’s a fine line between commenting on cultural stereotypes and straight up racism.

  • yarrharr

    Didn’t expect there could be anything better than The Sweeper etc episode.

    Normal Jack= worst member
    Jack+beer= fucking magic.
    Keep that maniac under the influence.

  • EJ

    I mean, you could mock it in a racist way, but I don’t think they do.

  • frankelee

    I’m not sure Quentin Tarantino has ever offered an excuse in his life for anything.

    Though I also do appreciate that Mike acknowledges any n-words in his movies are because he’s a racist.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Josh’s cell phone proves he’s either an insufferable hipster or an old man.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Josh’s cell phone proves he’s either an insufferable hipster or an old man.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I thought humorless killjoy aspect ratios hipster t-shirts Josh was the worst member?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    How does one affirm nihilism? “I did nothing and it was everything it turned out to be.”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Although mocking white people from Minnesota is fun.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Sounds like quite a weekend.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Armond White already exists. We don’t need a “next” one.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The sequel to Mad Foxes. Mad Foxes 2: More Pooping This Time.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I think Charles Baudelaire is too old to be licked.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Dull Blade Runner?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Wow! The Franklin Mint went full body horror this year.

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    Couldn’t he be both?

  • Moist

    CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! ACK!

  • Moist

    CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! ACK!

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    So the common trend in the posts is that Best of the Worst is best when everyone is half in the bag. Interesting…

  • Donaldo Knottso

    Is it just me, or does Jack seem legitimately afraid of you?

  • You can tell Jack is drunk when his laugh changes from “evil businessman” to “deranged cackle”.

  • LameSame

    Half in the bag? I think they’re pretty much completely in the bag.

  • EJ

    NO U

  • ikdks

    No, i agree. In fact i think it’s kind of bold. It is by definition inclusive, where a very subtle and innocent(?) form of exclusion existed. Like, white fragility maybe? (I just learned about that and i’m really into it)

    I just enjoy the irony that’s it’s a sign of cultural progress to be ridiculed by rust belt neck beards.

  • EJ

    It’s pretty great that Armond White writes for National Review now. I think they just hired him because he’s a self-described “black conservative” and they didn’t know much about his work. The collective “WTF!?!?!” in the comment section for all of his articles is hilarious.

    I gotta admit I love the guy. Schindler’s List is trash and Transformers is great art? That’s some next level trolling, where you’re trolling so hard you don’t even know you’re doing it.

  • EJ

    Hasn’t J. Edgar Hoover’s lingerie been in the Smithsonian for years? The bigger mystery is what the J. stands for, but I don’t expect that to come out in the JFK papers.

  • EJ

    Itsh fine!

  • EJ

    Yeah it seems like mainstream white media just kinda gave up on reviewing Tyler Perry movies at some point. Like, these movies are objectively terrible, but black people seem to like them, so, uh, we’ll just stay out of it I guess??

  • ikdks

    Perry deserves credit for identifying the church black audience.

    Hollywood thought black people just liked rap and gangster movies. Ones where everybody is poor, violent and die at the end.

    They completely ignored the black silent majority that like family, positivity and inoffensive humor. People that like watching attractive well dressed professional people have regular problems about sex and money,.

    And he got rewarded handsomely for it. Good for him.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Josh’s cinnamon-scented beard is:

    A) Totally hipster.
    B) Insufferably twee.
    C) Pretty predictable by this point.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Wouldn’t “both” be incredibly sad?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Angelina Jolie totally deserved her Oscar for her performance.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Better than Mad Foxes? Now I’m pissed off. Or on. Or both. I’m not sure. Prank caller!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Hey Peter! Turn it to Channel 9!”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Except Beetlejuice is a good movie.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    7 up Rich? Sounds like it would get crowded.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The racist scum probably don’t understand White’s 9-dimensional ironic statements.

    Mostly it’s pickup truck driving Evangelicals writing, “Hey! That’s not Ben Carson!”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Don’t say that! Harvey Weinstein will move here and slather everything with his man-butter!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Mike isn’t the sharpest …. blade in the drawer.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The J. stands for “JESUS CHRIST! That demented lunatic was really head of the FBI for several decades?”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    What will happen first via prayer?

    A) A cure for diabeetus.
    B) An end to gun violence.
    C) Interstellar space travel.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Nothing compares 2 U.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    She should narrate Hints for Millennials or whatever that feature was.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “Every catchphrase is so dense.” — Not Rick Berman (actually Bruce Vilanch)

  • The metal song in Hack-O-Lantern is a total rip-off of “Shout at the Devil” from Mötley Crüe.

  • sinewaves7

    Oh nooo not a josh episode

  • Movie Wan Kenovie

    I hear Rich IS a hallucinogenic frog…

  • Pulp

    I just realized that all those historical authors of treatises on witchcraft, where in fact the horror B movies writers of their time.

  • But Josh has a beard. And it smells nice.

  • But Josh has a beard. And it smells nice.

  • Just because you don’t like someone’s personality doesn’t mean they don’t have one.

  • Sorry, remind me what’s cool again? I’ve only ever owned a burner. My previous one lasted me 8 years.

  • Tarantino’s excuse for that is that he sees himself as black. He sees black as an “attitude”, not a race thing. It’s a whole can of worms, I’m not gonna get into it. Most black people I know like Tarantino films though, just saying that to note that I don’t know anyone personally offended by it. Not making a generalization that’s just all I have to offer on the subject really.

  • Tarantino’s excuse for that is that he sees himself as black. He sees black as an “attitude”, not a race thing. It’s a whole can of worms, I’m not gonna get into it. I know black movie buffs who like Tarantino films though, just saying that to note that I don’t know anyone personally offended by it. Not making a generalization that’s just all I have to offer on the subject really.

  • Honestly if you didn’t anticipate full-on David Lynch abstraction in the new Twin Peaks you don’t know David Lynch very well or the situation surrounding the original series. Jay even anticipated this sort of response in their Twin Peaks Re:View because certainly everyone who loved the original series just wanted another quirky soap opera satire. The only thing I thought was weak about it was the finale. If you didn’t like it that’s cool, but I highly doubt Jay is going to be “ripping it a new one”. I liked it, that’s all I have to say.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Unlike the rest of him.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    How the hell would I know what’s cool? I’m an old man just like Josh. Except I don’t hide behind hipster t-shirts to confront the inevitability of death.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    — Kevin Spacey

  • Ret Marut

    An apt pop culture reference.

  • Well yeah to be fair most people don’t smell nice that’s just the products they put on themselves. Everyone smells like shit.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Not sure which is worse, Josh’s smell or his coma-inducing speech.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I’d rather go with Tarantino’s conception of cultural blackness over Sheriff David Clarke’s.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Is Cathy’s Curse part of the Cathy Comics Extended Cinematic Universe? Sounds about as unpleasant as dating! ACK!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Josh’s beard perfume is borderline not-annoying.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    White fragility? Seriously? Aren’t these the same people who attack everyone else for being SJW snowflakes? Turns out they were all made of glass. That makes sense.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Right in time for [insert next Hollywood sexual assault scandal / DC indictment for treason / national tragedy here]

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Mike Pence still thinks they are true. But that’s mostly because he’s an awful person with awful ideas.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    The real important question is: Do Norma and Big Ed finally get together?

    I’ve only seen the first episode of Twin Peaks: The Return.

  • Right – that’s a good point to bring up in that this is in essence what makes the Blaxpoitation era, well.. exploitive. The message of most street crime type flicks that featured black characters in the 70s seems to be “the white man is keeping you down! You already know this! But now you know if you live fast and go hard that you can at least rise to the top and then die right afterwards! Hey, it beats living in poverty, right?” I mean maybe I’m reading into this too much but basically what I see is that it’s encouraging the absolute worst of this type of behavior while simultaneously giving their audience what they thought they want – to see people they can identify with come out ontop – if only for a brief instant before being smashed down into the dirt. Hell, look up the story of The Real Rick Ross (I have to capitalize it that way because it’s what he goes by since the former C.O. gone rapper stole his name to glamourize a lifestyle he didn’t even live) – no everybody who got caught up in that life style was a piece of shit. Hell – some people even did what they could do help their community. Rick Ross’s eventual arrest even helped expose the fact that America’s CIA was to some degree either directly or indirectly for the trafficking of cocaine into the country. Ever seen that Whitest Kids U Know sketch where they joke that black people were just fine until some white business people pretending to be down offered them a job selling crack? Not that far from the truth.

    If you wanna see a good example of what I mean when it comes to playing to your audience’s alleged desires while at the same time playing it “safe” (safe meaning you are told you’ll go out like Scarface, not safe as in unoffensive), watch something like “Black Caesar”. It’s not a terrible film – but there’s something incredibly greasy about it.

  • Last time my adblocker malfunctioned they were trying to sell me a Star Wars BBQ set. Which is funny to me, because they’re advertising it on a website that rips Star Wars another new one annually.

  • Yeah I found that a little ironic when he was so hard on Jay’s endearment for Feeders. I get that Dull Blade at least has like some choreographed fight scenes so there’s a tiny bit of value there – but it looks like it’s barely a step above Black Ninja. At least Black Ninja is entertaining to analyze as some sort of embarrassing ego project – and it was shot on film right? So I guess they tried

  • For some reason every time I watch this for the first half of the Cathy’s Curse segment I forget they’re talking about Cathy’s Curse. It sounds like a completely different movie at first – like that’s a really elaborate backstory for just a possessed girl.

  • For some reason every time I watch this for the first half of the Cathy’s Curse segment I forget they’re talking about Cathy’s Curse. It sounds like a completely different movie at first – like that’s a really elaborate backstory for just a possessed girl.

  • For some reason every time I watch this for the first half of the Cathy’s Curse segment I forget they’re talking about Cathy’s Curse. It sounds like a completely different movie at first – like that’s a really elaborate backstory for just a possessed girl.

  • Sir Baronish

    This is one of the best Best of the Worst episodes I’ve seen, and I love them all (except for one).

  • Tommy Wiseau booiiiiiiiiiii

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