Best of the Worst: RepliGATOR, Johnson Family Christmas Dinner, and Alligator

December 23, 2016129 Comments

Happy Holidays! To celebrate the Christmas season, the gang watches on terrible Christmas film and two films about alligators!

Filed in: Best of the Worst

  • Oh good I was just starting to contemplate my own existence. Close one there

  • Jaws

    You can’t go wrong with Best of the Worst.

  • Bubs

    First!
    Second!
    Thirst!

    Merry Kwanzmadon everyone.

  • odigity

    TWO BotW in ten days!?

    That’s almost enough joy to make a grumpy atheist like me say merry xmas…

    Now, do any of these films star Randy Quaid or Wookies?

  • blau

    Does anyone know if that is a real article they are citing? I’m not finding any references on the web. P.S. Repligator is available for streaming on Amazon.

  • Jonah Falcon

    29:22 Check it out. VHS autofocus at work.

  • stryker1121

    That desk stunt was seriously impressive. That guy could’ve fucked himself up royally.

  • Ret Marut

    And who’s idea was this…? Ah, of course.

  • frankelee

    At least that fat guy wrote his movie to feel up tits. What excuse is there for Space Cop???

  • Jonah Falcon

    I know I wanted to feel up Rich’s tits.

  • odigity

    Just finished the episode.

    It was so bad, it actually made me long for Randy Quaid and Wookies.

  • Stirling Netzlaw

    Wow this was a pretty lame episode. Nothing to do with the cast, guys were great, just the movies that got chosen were all terribly lame. The funniest was the first one.

  • Mark Bisone

    Merry Christmas you dumb, fat, skinny fucks! As long as you all continue to evade jury duty and skip voting, our nation might actually have a chance.

    Twats.

  • Adez

    You hacks didn’t mention Nick Menza of Megadeth
    Rust in Peace

  • BCFC25

    Merry Christmas to my favourite hacks on the internet

  • I got out of jury duty earlier this week!
    Johnson Christmas Dinner might be the film for me.

  • Studio Executive

    First of all, I’ve directed my legal counsel to take action against the makers of Johnson Family Christmas Dinner for their shameless and unauthorized use of Mr. Linn-Baker’s “cousin Larry” character from the acclaimed ABC series “Perfect Strangers.” Second: where the fuck is my commentary track for “Scrooged” you son’s of bitches?!!! I got Patton Oswalt to appear in your shit movie, and now it’s time for YOU to do something for ME!!!

  • Mark Bisone

    Still, you must give the RLM crew their propers for their wonderfully woke version of a Christmas special. Featuring a black family trapped between two crocogators is the greatest instince of social justice since the death of Jim Crow.

  • Percy Gryce

    Jay: “Happy holidays!”
    Mike: “No.”

  • sigaba

    Why the diss of Gatorface?! My cinematography teacher at USC was the DP of Gatorface — John Tarver, also DP of the original Trekkies.

  • sigaba

    If you ever saw a trailer for Tyler Perry movie and were like — this seems a little too edgy for me — it’s the rent for you.

  • Mr_Show

    Yay!

  • Angela

    I laughed until I cried during the Johnson Family Christmas discussion. The Rogue One review is forgiven. Merry Christmas!

  • Crixxxx

    There’s no shortage of wonderful Christmas schlock out there, and, for the second year in a row, you limit it to one Christmas movie and two you could do at any other time of the year. Lame.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    Um … is Mike okay? He looks pretty rough in this video.

  • Dan Shaw

    What’s the name of the song playing towards the end when Rich is contemplating how to save Christmas?

  • Genuinely enjoyed this one. Plus, the first film did seem like it was being beamed in direct from Rich’s brain. Happy ChristMass fuckos!

  • TitusAndronicusForever

    Fuck Yeah! A new BOTW Episode. Haven’t watched it yet, but I’m so excited. Merry Christmas, happy Holidays or whatever!

  • Jaws

    Boobs – the Movie.

  • Like Icare

    Playing now at pornhub near you!

  • Like Icare

    That’s just his morbid obesity.

  • Like Icare

    That must have been painful. For a guy and all…

  • Like Icare

    You know… this episode plays out very differently for people from Africa.

  • Like Icare

    Too much beer and nothing to do that one time led to some bad decisions.
    It could be worse.
    Most people just end up impregnating someone or getting impregnated thus starting a cycle of familial hate and resentment which could only end in more beer and bad decisions.

  • Like Icare

    It’s OK. He had safety pudding. It’s what provided him with all that vanilla padding.

  • MichaelKz

    Alligator made Steven Spielberg feel better about the shark in Jaws.

  • Jaws

    Well I better go check it out then.

  • RLMkeepitup

    theres truck station restroom fluorescent lighting in that room

  • RLMkeepitup

    a little softcore porn makes everyone come together for the holidays!

  • RLMkeepitup

    that’s the scientist mans screenplay, Mike you’re seeing yourself in da future

  • RLMkeepitup

    omg the chalkboard scientist was gunnar hansen

  • Frank Lovejoy

    Well I know he was doing an act, but in the first scene his hands are noticeably trembling. And yeah, he’s gained a few.

  • wiggle

    Damn. I saw David Bowie and stopped for a while. Lots of great writers like Umberto Eco and Yves Bonnefoy died, too.
    Take me to Christmas, BotW. Take me hard.

  • IamSithAzagoth

    surprised they didn’t mention that the leading actress in Alligator was Barbara Bach (Ringo’s wife)

  • Mark Bisone

    I thought we were all from Africa.

  • DanceOfBirther

    Soft porn is it’s own bad movie genre; leave it to RLM to feature one of the weirdest and sleaziest ever.

  • I can’t decide whether RepliGATOR or Exploding Varmints was the worst video they watched on BOTW ever. In theory, the women agreed to what the fat sleazy fuck did to them on screen. And in theory they did get paid. Right? Right?!

  • bassbait

    I thought you reviewed *bad* movies, what is Johnson Family Christmas Dinner doing here??

  • Are you suggesting somehow that Exploding Varmints is worse than the hypnosis tape?

  • I’d argue that Space Cop is the worst.

  • Cakefarts

    Usual there is at least one movie in the bunch I want to see badly enough that through some means or another I take the time to obtain a copy. Not this time.

  • Mike Magnum

    She was also in the James Bond movie. “The Spy who loved me”.

  • Stinkbeard

    yeah, that should be on wheel of the worst. but i guess there’s no way to know till they watch it.

  • bassbait

    wheel of the best*

  • Jaws

    All those boobs didn’t do it for ya huh.

  • Jerome Gorden

    Merry Christmas to Mike, Jay, Rich and all the other staff at RLM. Keep holding Hollywood accountable.

  • Fizzgig

    Just wanted to point out that the “I’m drinking wine but not really” Johnson Family Christmas Dinner bit is also featured on Wham!’s “Last Christmas” video, right around the 2:28 mark.

    My Christmas traditions, forever tarnished with fake wine drinking!

  • Fartastic

    Let’s face it: RLM exhausted the world’s good bad movie ressources. We are doomed to a faith of either genuine boredom or genuine admiration of movies and respect for film makers. How are young directors, actors and producers with little talent supposed to have hope without the encouragement of knowing their work might transcend their stupid intentions and incompetencies?

  • I think they said a long time ago that they haven’t watched any Bond movies apart from the ones they reviewed.

  • I’m sorry, what? You were angry with them for not liking a studio run licensed product (TM)?

  • It is a sponsored article but Rich’s photo was used to illustrate it. It even appeared in the ads that disqus shows.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    From the looks of the trailer, The Legend of Gatorface would’ve been more fun to watch for them than what they actually ended up watching.

  • Now I Get It

    There’s something ironic about somebody who can’t stop dry-humping until they are brought pants.

    There’s something ironic about using a genderless pronoun to refer to “somebody… dry-humping.”

    (Thank you, John “cock lopper” Money.)

    #MakeEngrishGleatAgain.

  • Jaws

    You put a lot thought into the dry humping didn’t you. Well hell who didn’t, am I right.

  • Now I Get It

    When you’re right, you’re right. Also, that’s your second avatar since Christmas eve. How many boobs does one Jaws need?

  • Angela

    You have to understand, you see, Disney is holding me captive in the dungeon underneath Cinderella Castle. Every time I make a positive comment about Rogue One I get a Dole Whip and a Fastpass for either Peter Pan’s Flight or Splash Mountain (my choice).

    (Not sure what DC has to do with anything?)

  • Gift Card

    @5:17 I see ‘2019: The Fall of New York’ on the shelf behind Mike, I hope they do that one day, always wanted to see it.

  • wiggle

    I’d like them to look at some non-English schlock. I’m sure there are plenty in French or Japanese or Italian worthy of BotW. Or look at Nigerian films. Sweet balls, look at Nigerian films.

  • Spoiled Ants

    Instant christmas karma.

  • wiggle

    That’s not Rod Stewart, that’s Arsene Wenger.

  • Imesseduptheemail

    I see a Mike at 9:54.

  • My ex wife

    No Stream-a-Thon this year again?

    I suspect it’s an intentional move by Jay to limit the amount of bullshit we can endlessly repeat in every comment section we find our selfs in.

  • Spoiled Ants

    Damn, I saw that alligator film when I was little and I remember it being complete garbage and the crocodile looking like it was made out of a giant carved tree trunk (which it probably was).
    Although it was called “Killer Crocodile 2” back then, I doubted there ever was a first part.

  • Spoiled Ants

    The audience probably expected a Stream-a-Thong, needless to say both parties went out empty-handed.

  • Imesseduptheemail

    Also, if they’re a tribe in South America, they’re going to be Amerindians, not black. Unless the director also made that mistake and it’s supposed to be set in South America.

  • Just like last year. We’ll be holding a stream-a-thon over at the Manhole, probably.

  • maikimo

    a lot of dead celebrities this year. at least we’ll always have george michael…oh, wait.

  • Beltorchika

    I guess the crocodile hunter movie was too mainstream?

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    The spirit of xmas! Four dudes watching a soul-suckingly fucked up movie about booooobs…and their penises grew three sizes that day.

  • Spoiled Ants

    Well, it ain’t ‘Help me I am in hell’ by Nine Inch nails.

  • Gillman

    Nobody acknowledges that the late Gunnar Hansen aka Leatherface was unfortunately in RepliGATOR? What kind of frauds are you?!

  • DanceOfBirther

    Jay claims he brought it up but it got cut.

  • The movie “Alligator” from 1980 about an alligator in the sewers is actually a pretty solid creature feature flick though. They probably would have enjoyed that a lot more than their Alligator (which came out a year previous and was also known as “The Great Alligator” according to IMDB).

  • Jonathan ㅈ Chiarella

    I’m going to be that pedantic person.

    You are actually fine to say “crocodile, alligator, whatever”.

    The default English language word is “crocodile”. English speakers were aware of African crocodiles before either American crocodiles or American alligators. The Latin science term for them collectively is “crocodilians” (caimans, crocodiles, alligators).

    It’d be a shame if you had to ruin your alliteration of “Crocodile Christmas” or discount the Italian masterpiece of “Alligator” from your holiday and I’m glad you didn’t. In this case, yes, everybody’s right. Rich did just fine.

  • Jonathan ㅈ Chiarella

    Korea has its share. South Korea alone is the little engine that could. Their cinema greats and cinema blunders are up there with the best of them.

    My recommendation: Kim Jong-il-commissioned “Pulgasari” (Bul-ga-sa-ri 불가사리) and the South Korean D-Wars (D워) and then throw in some low budget Godzilla-ripoff movie from Hong Kong for Godzilla-not-Godzilla BotW. Three horrible kaiju movies from Japan’s underachieving neighbors in that department.

  • Jonathan ㅈ Chiarella

    As the gang knows from Miami Connection, Koreans can really amp up the cringe-worthy factor at times. You will not be disappointed (i.e., you will be disappointed).

  • Hank_Henshaw

    ♪♫ You finally made a monkey out of me! ♫♬

  • Cakefarts

    Sadly no. I’ve seen my fair share – and the prevalence of internet bewbs has devalued them to the point that effort it not needed to see them.

  • Jaws

    That is sad dude. I’ll give ya that.

  • Admiral Bone-to-Pick

    And still the 2016 list gets longer. 🙁

  • Not that it matters but the amount of comments on the recent Star Wars videos in comparison to this is just depressing. This is way more exciting than Star Wars, yall be trippin

  • I’m confused, it was a plural that applies to both men and women, what pronoun were there supposed to use? I can’t imagine another pronoun being used and that sentence making sense, both the men and women are dry-humping.
    Or is there some irony in this comment I’m missing.

  • Now I Get It

    I agree: it was a group dry-hump, so, “they” would imply both sexes. However, Rich’s “somebody” is singular, so, the pronoun should have been singular, too, specifically, “he.”

    “He,” “him,” “his” are correct in the general case, not because of our language’s alleged “patriarchy” but because of its purpose, which is always to simplify complexity by treating similar things as identical. This, as when Rich made a general observation about pants that applied to every dry-humper of either sex.

    The alternative of writing “he and she” is more accurate but also needlessly complex and awkward, whereas “they” is both inaccurate and equivocal, whereas “he” is simple and, when used consistently, is neither awkward, inaccurate, nor equivocal.

    It’s a trade-off. Time was when this was universally understood.

  • But his statement could apply to either gender, I think if he’d see “he” that would stand out to me (because both the boys and girls get pants) and “he or she” definitely would have (because it’s weird to say out-loud).

    Maybe it’s a colloquial thing because I tend to use ‘they’ as my default singular pronoun if I don’t know the person (or if the person is non-binary).
    If someone bumps into me in the street I’m more like to say “they just bumped into me – what an asshole!” espeailly if the gender isn’t important information to convey.

    In short whatever Rich said would have been weird and he should be shamed either way.
    Shame! Shame! Shame!
    He’s a 54 year-old who still lives in his mother’s basement you know.

  • Now I Get It

    Speaking of violating grammatical number, I’ve used the royal “we” as a joke conversationally, and the editorial “we” as a convention, well, editorially. But my own colloquial default remains “he.”

    I’d say, then, that the default use of “they” is generational, especially by younger people who’ve accepted the concept of “non-binary genders” – a recent fiat derived from the pseudo-science of a man with the fitting last name of “Money” – except that I’ve also seen respectable writers older than I use it in print.

    At least Rich, who, in fact, resides agelessly outside of time and space, didn’t use “it.”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I thought RepliGator would have been worthy of an acetone bath.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Bring back Jessi!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Hey, watch your tone! That sleazy fuck is presidential material.
    **stars waving US flag and singing off-tune**

  • WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!

  • Brian Levine

    When are they going to do Serial Ape-ist?

  • You mean to tell me there isn’t one movie that would have fit BOTH categories?

    Someone really ought to rectify this.

  • It’d be a 3D-animated take-off A Christmas Carol called “Christmas Is a Crock!” or “A Christmas Crocodile,” about a miserly, old, holiday-hating crocodile named Alligator Scrooge who learns the true meaning of Christmas from three swamp spirits that show him the reason he has no friends is because he is, always has been, and always will be a horrible jerk who’s going to end up made into some similarly assholish rich human’s luggage and shoes unless he changes his ways.

    All the characters will be animals who talk, and they all make this face: *awkwardly smirks*

    Coming this Thanksgiving from Dreamworks.

  • Alternatively, a movie about people being attacked by a giant crocodile on Christmas could also work. When a city is terrorized by a giant gator, driven from the swamp by excessive urban development and/or toxic waste, these poor, bayou-dwelling moonshiners (also being driven from their homes by urban development) come to the aid of the city folk who were mean to them at the beginning of the movie, and everyone learns an important lesson about not being so judgmental, until the bayou dwellers mess it up by waving confederate flags and talking about the South rising again, and it’s really awkward.

  • Or how about a take-off of Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer where Santa needs a talking crocodile to help him complete his deliveries? At the end the funny, cute, wisecracking gator devours all the other reindeer in an orgy of blood and gore.

  • A Christmas Story 3:

    Ralphie gets a pet gator for Christmas, it grows up over the course of the year, and by the following Christmas bites off Scutt Farkus’s head.

    Also, it eats the Christmas turkey, but the Old Man blames that on the Bumpus hounds.

  • Any Which Way To Die Hard:

    John McClane teams up with a pet crocodile to defeat a Russian Manchurian candidate named Donnie Falcon. This way, in the climax of the movie, McClane can say “Yippie kai-yay, Mr. Falcon,” and it will be the actual line, instead of the result of censorship on TBS.

    Also, it’s set on Christmas, like the original Die Hard, because remember how the original Die Hard was set on Christmas? And there’s a post-credits scene where we learn even the Russian big bad who was a thinly-veiled stand-in for Vladimir Putin was being manipulated by the son of Hans Gruber, who was trying to get revenge by baiting the US into starting a nuclear war with Russia.

  • fred

    Something happened in the Plinket talks about Rogue One thread?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Voldemort? Slenderman? Beetlejuice?

  • I was excited because I thought that’s what it was going to be. What a letdown.

  • Mugato

    It looks like Barbara Bach (The Spy Who Loved Me) was in Alligator so I would pick that as best of the worst because at least scored a C list actress.

  • Jean-François Martel

    So y’all not gonna talk about how the original FUCKING LEATHERFACE was in REPLIGATOR

  • Lute Hende

    Yepp, Reginald Barclay turned into a spider human hybrid in this episode. Still wonder how Star Trek explained that. My old theory was because he got the injection directly but why should he become a spider then? Why was spider dna inside him?

  • festacles

    la dee da byyoothhes
    triple meh

  • EJ

    It’s Italian schlock from the 1970s. These are the same people who typically cast Spaniards and Gypsies as Mexicans in their Westerns because eh, who can tell the difference?

  • Jonah Falcon

    I really wanted to see them do Gator-Face. 🙁

  • Dom_DeLuise’s_Armpit_Child

    The hackiest of all the hack frauds.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I’ll drink to that.
    **pretends to drink wine from wine glass, but doesn’t actually drink any wine**

  • Pop Culture Reference

    With B cup boobs!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Crocodilian taxonomy don’t gavial me now!

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Unlike A-List directors who cast white people as Egyptians.

  • Alex Caceres

    After Rich smashed the tape and picked up the other box, I was really hoping he’d open it and it would be another copy of The Legend of Gator Face.

  • Chowderbatter

    S04E07: “Who Pooped the Bed?”

    No Sunny fans here? That’s a classic.

    Come on, RLM. If you haven’t seen it, treat yo’sef.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I thought this would be about A Tor Johnson Family Christmas?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Two words: Wham! Retrospective.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I heard Trump will make an appearance in a Russian Stream-a-Thon film directed by Vladimir Putin.

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