Best of the Worst: Parole Violators, Future Force, and Geteven

October 16, 2016157 Comments

Jay, Mike, and Rich Evans encounter aliens from another country who visit Milwaukee for a short while to drink booze and watch terrible movies only to return to their home country, changed, less human, and more afraid of cinema than they ever have been before.


Filed in: Best of the Worst

  • Ripley Blumanthal

    IT’S TIME

  • playdude92 .

    oooOOOHH MY GOURD! NEW BOTW!

  • Herschy

    Fucccckkk yeeeaahhh

  • Weirdo

    Yay Canada~

  • Virium

    “I’m through with rape!” -Rich Evans 2016

  • Crixxxx

    No Halloween-themed episode?

  • Rellen Gibbons

    Is it just me or are the canadians turning up a lot more often in recent BotWs?

    …are they replacing Jay and Wizard?

  • King Dork

    JAY! The Shimmy Slide scene is in Howling: New Moon Rising AKA Howling 7 what the fuck?!

  • maikimo

    i live for rich’s high squeal pig-man laugh. i’m serious. it’s really all i have in life.

  • Joe M

    Was Hideo Kojima inspired by Future Force for Metal Gear Solid V?

    Also I want to know what Mike said at 29:04

  • Showbiz Pizza Bear

    Canadians tend to have more meat on their bones.

  • Reiniat

    I think Max Landis said hes coming back to watch the latest Neil Breen movie so I imagine that one will be the spooky themed episode.

  • Reiniat

    Will we ever know what Mike said at 29:00?

  • If you put those three films into a teleporter from “The Fly” and they would merge by their worst parts, we’d get Space Cop – a vanity project by Mike and Rich with a failed Stuntman (Rich) a drunken star (Mike) with lots and lots of padding and almost no plot.

  • odigity

    Super-florist.

  • Percy Gryce

    Rich Evans is wearing a capacious gray t-shirt that reminded me of a muumuu.

    What I fear is that soon we’ll all be required to dress in that fashion.

  • bleurgh

    The fact that David Carradine died jerking off is literally all I can think about whenever I see him in any movie. At least he replaced Michael Hutchence in the public consciousness.

  • jmt

    That final stunt from Parol Violators was the inspiration for Zach Snyder’s career.

  • Alex Doucet

    I moved here from Canada and they think I’m sloowww ehhhh.

  • bassbait

    Why haven’t these lovely gents* gotten around to watching Nukie yet?

  • castlemonster

    Please tell me there’s going to be a Halloween episode.

  • TheVerySpecialK

    He came and left at the same time.

  • Variant

    OHHHHHHHH snap

  • RiverDevil

    PreRec said there would be

  • RiverDevil

    Need more tapes

  • Mr_Show

    Yay!

  • Variant

    Someone should make a mod for the new Doom that has the face of the main guy from Parole Violators in the center of the hud just like retro Doom, with stills from the movie that get progressively more fucked up as your health gets closer to zero.

  • Palpatine

    So I guess John DeHart was the Neil Breen of the 90’s.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Some months ago, someone around these parts was requesting Geteven to be featured in BOTW. You got your wish granted.

  • Percy Gryce

    Palpy, you look different.

  • Percy Gryce

    So did Patreon.

  • Quotidian, Man

    Imagine what the worst person in the world would say about Caradine’s death that other people would find shocking

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Just a few more. Maybe a couple more tapes.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oh, my God! How embarrassing.

  • Palpatine

    I had cosmetic surgery done at the Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center.

  • Mike Magnum

    Rifftrax also did Future Force. And even they couldn’t resist making Auto-erotic asphyxiation jokes. They also did the sequel “Future Zone”. Which had the bonus of co-staring Ted Prior. Who plays Carradine Son from the future.

  • Mike Magnum

    I cant think of a more embarrassing way to die. When i see him in a movie. I just replace that with what i think how his character in Kung Fu would have died. Most likely valiantly fighting a town a rednecks.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I heard you roomed with Vader.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I always figured his last thoughts were of Uma Thurman.

  • Cakefarts

    He’s half man half bear and half pig.

  • Thanatos

    I hope we still get a Halloween episode!

  • Thanatos

    Some more pillows too.

  • Thanatos

    Oh, is that your Emperor double standing in for you?

  • Joe

    I had fun with this review. I wonder when they’ll have a BotW that doesn’t accidentally feature any rapey vibes.

  • Welcome Back Otter

    The Canadians are in fine form this edition. I love Colin’s toe-tapping along to the Geteven song. Seems like he’s really enjoying it.

  • I thought you’re only after Rich’s meat.

  • The bad guy in Geteven should have been called Getmad.

  • Red Skeleton

    ATTN Red Letter Media guys and Canadians: Please don’t make any more Brexit jokes on your show. I watch RLM to get AWAY from the torrid cesspool that is contemporary British politics.

  • Red Skeleton

    Although, a belated +2 for the shout out to brown sauce in the last re:view.

  • Red Skeleton

    Watch them attempt a rape-tone-free BotW with only kids videos….. and fail.

  • durhay

    That song was worse than Idiot Control Now

  • durhay

    They do this show for the Nukie. Send them more tapes.

  • Wolvy

    Yet my request for ‘Pray For The Wildcats’ remains to be seen…

  • Wolvy

    Kung Fool.

  • EJ

    That was one of the funnier BotW episodes.

  • Mark Bisone

    Just visited John De Hart’s webzone. The first thing I hear is his voice mispronouncing his own name (John Deeheart), and all of his links merely reload the page.

    Still, if I ever need a probate attorney, the chances I won’t call this guy are roughly zero.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Rich looked distressed during that censored sex scene, probly too erotic given the music. now I need that fucking song, I shall call it.. the fucking song

  • Variant

    The Fucking Song
    performed and composed by: That Goddamn Band

  • Variant

    I was trying to figure out if me and my friends had watched Geteven as an MST3K episode or as a Rifftrax.. turns out we just watched the actual movie a few months back. I specifically remembered the stage performance scene but nothing else about the movie, most likely because the rest of the movie is dull and boring. We also watched Double Down before RLM did, because we’re fucking professionals.

  • Like Icare

    That sounds like a Cameron Mitchell tribute band.

  • Variant

    CLOSE THE FUCKING SET!!!

  • Like Icare

    Hey… at least people will always have a smile on their face when they remember Carradine and how he died.
    Without any ill will.

    Unlike say… Margaret Thatcher.
    No one sang “Ding-dong the witch is dead” when Carradine… umm… dinged his dong for the last time.

  • Like Icare

    The Way of the Hand.

  • Like Icare

    Slogging through the snow every day requires both muscles and subcutaneous fat.

  • Jimmy Bro One

    Why is Colin *always* wearing capri pants? :3

  • Frank Lovejoy

    I think Rich’s “Inches Tall” gag deserved a lot more appreciation than it received.

  • Robotpals

    Finally we can reset the clock.

    Days since last BoTW epic conclusion: zero.

  • FishbowlPhenom

    I bet we do. There was no BOTW in September, my assumption is this was the Sept episode delayed for some reason.

  • FishbowlPhenom

    I know you gents likely don’t care much about viewer criticisms, but I miss the days when the roundtable discussion was randomly in a different part of the studio every episode. I know this little set is technically more professional, but half the fun of BOTW is in its spontaneity, and the moving roundtable lent to that.

  • Commander X

    I’ve seen both movies years before – Future Zone manages to make the uneasy-transition-between-the-late-80s-and-very-early-1990’s “near future” look even sadder and butt-uglier than the first film. Maybe not as much denim as the first but Prior wears a nipples-and-everything-else revealing mesh-shirt.

  • Commander X

    Geteven is almost too perfect in it’s badness; the flat, bad acting and dialogue is almost like something out of a parody of bad, bad acting – just too on the nose to be the actual deal, except it is.

    Oh well, at least William Smith and Carradine are now in the pantheon of “actors who’ve done better” who have been featured on BotW, along with the likes of Cameron Mitchell. I mean, Red Dawn or 1972’s “The Losers” are definitely better than Geteven.

    Speaking of which, Smith has a role in a late 1988 “action” movie that would be perfect for BotW – “Bulletproof” starring Gary Busey as a former CIA agent turned cop named Frank McBain – who is sent into Mexico to go after a “super-tank” that has been captured by a guerillas being assisted by some Libyan terrorists led by Henry Silva. Busey’s character’s favorite insult to use is the word “butthorn” as in when he interrupts a weapons deal between some crooks in a warehouse – a suit-clad Danny Trejo spots him and demands to know “What the fuck is this?”
    Busey: “Your worst nightmare, butthorn!”
    Doughy guy who was selling weapons to Trejo: “MCBAIN!” :opens fire:

    Smith later shows up as the KGB agent who killed Busey’s partner in the old days and has come to claim the tank with a really piss-poor attempt at a faux-Soviet gunship – it’s a helicopter like a Westland Lynx that has had some really flimsy looking fake weapon pods grafted on. The whole movie is like that, a really flimsy, cheap, shoddy, fake-looking attempt at imitating a big-budget Hollywood action film.

  • EJ

    Chino from Parole Violators looks more like the kind of guy they have to protect child molesters from when they go to prison.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Busey AND Trejo ? sign me up!

  • EJ

    *puts on hipster glasses and ironic hoodie*

    I like it better when they do more obscure B-movies – I think the internet’s pretty much had its way with Bulletproof at this point. It’s kind of like when they did Hard Ticket to Hawaii – sure, it’s legendary for fans of schlock cinema – but how much more is there really to say about it?

  • Like Icare

    Those are his “going down south” pants.

  • EJ

    I’ve seen Geteven before too, and, while they try to sell us on it, it doesn’t really achieve Wiseau or Breen levels of WTFism. Max Landis put it pretty well when he said watching a Neil Breen movie is like watching somebody else’s dream.

    On the other hand, you can understand the thought process behind Geteven – some guy made some money as a lawyer, wanted to be a badass in a movie, and unfortunately lacked any shred of artistic talent, self-awareness, or taste. But it seems like it was made by a human being, and is therefore not as fun.

  • Joe

    “Wait, THAT’S what they mean by ‘be cool about fire safety’?”

  • Variant

    Yeah, that’s a good way of putting it. Geteven put me to sleep. Double Down made me leave 2/3rds of the way through to do drugs.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    It saddens me that Full Moon Features sent you guys a huge collection of their films and you haven’t reviewed Dollman vs Demonic Toys or Oblivion. So many good bad flicks and just bad flicks.

  • Black Santa

    Maybe Geteven is self-aware. When he’s reciting Shakespeare, she looks appropriately uncomfortable. When he tells his jokes, the waiter doesn’t laugh. He just says “that’s funny, you’re funny” like a waiter who wants a tip would with a regular customer. When he’s singing, it doesn’t cut to the audience getting into it and dancing or singing along. Maybe it’s all about ego and self-delusion. The one character who plays along with him is probably a paid prostitute like in real life.

  • Malevolence

    It’s scary how spot on Rich was with the scotch segment XD

  • RLMkeepitup

    then the delusion must be that the audience is aware of that.

  • RLMkeepitup

    employ Shakespere to fondle a playmate without going to jail. drink heavily and stare at the sky during fake funerals. set the kidnapped children adrift in the inflatables. tell horrible jokes while stabbing the inflatable *country song* Awkward eye contact

  • Like Icare

    Stupid unwashed peasant audience…

  • Red Skeleton

    So I’ve been watching this horrible piece of shit from the BBC called I, Clav… Clavids… I, Clavicle or something. It’s got a bunch of hack sci-fi actors in it, like that bald guy from Star Trek, that guy who the alien came out of in Alien, some woman who was in Dune, some guy who was in and Underworld movie, and Kevin Bacon that guy who played the dwarf in Lord of the Rings.

    Still, I’m kinda into the Emperor character. He’s a big fat loud guy. He commands one of the largest armies in the world and yet he gets manipulated by every one around him into fulfilling their agendas… Why does he seem so familiar?

  • Red Skeleton

    Hurrffrfrfrfrrfrrf *slobber* ISA DERE ANYONE LEFT IN OTAH GUNGA WHO HASN’TA SLEPT WID MY DAUGHTAH??!!!

  • Chris Steinmayer

    Favorite part! the mashup of the three films at the end. Perfect.

  • rogueriffers

    Hey, thanks for deleting our comment!

  • luvs2pwge✓ᵈᵉᵖᶫᵒʳᵃᵇᶫᵉ

    I would prefer they don’t do more BotW with those Canadians

  • M A S K E D P U M K I N

    STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! CANADIANS AIN’T FUNNY! I MEANT WOMEN!

  • M A S K E D P U M K I N

    Just messing with ya. Real good ep. And women are funny too, all of it.

  • Brian Levine

    I’m trying to remember the last good thing that came out of Canada. Maybe Seeing Things?

  • Brian Levine

    Because American politics certainly aren’t a torrid cesspool.

  • Brian Levine

    Well, I for one would love to see Plinkett review the first two Power Rangers movies.

  • instant relief

    Frogs aren’t funny.

  • Mugato

    Those guys again?

  • RLMkeepitup

    Colins cool

  • EJ

    I enjoy listening to Jim attempt to read.

  • Yeah, I hate Mike and Jay.

  • EJ

    I’ve never suffered from schizophrenia, but I seriously have a feeling that watching a Neil Breen movie while on psychadelics is probably as close to a neurotypical person can come to understanding what it’s like.

  • EJ

    “She’s had a period o laff… oxygen debrain” – best take they got.

  • Kelsie

    Alternate title: Future Farce: Get Violated

  • Eric

    I remember watching that movie when it first came out. I genuinely enjoyed the first 10 minutes or so that took place in the US, then once the movie changed locations to Mexico, it was like a different director was used and the rest of the movie sucked hard.

  • ninja egyptologist

    Rich can violate me any time he wants

  • ninja egyptologist

    I like it when the pronounce words differently then the way I pronounce them

  • Jaws

    ”To be, or not to be, that is the question…”, what’s that sound? That’s Shakespeare rolling over in his grave, laughing his ass off.

  • john smith

    Hey it’s Canadian Mike and Jay!

  • Michael Collins

    Best of the endings ever!

  • Variant

    Trailer Park Boys.

  • Red Skeleton

    Well…. the circle is now complete. In the new AVGN video it ends with James Rolfe getting his neck chewed off by toy bears, a blatant ripoff of last years Halloween BotW video where Rich Evans got his neck chewed off by a show biz pizza bear toy. This makes up for RLM / Len Kabazinski ripping off James Rolfe’s chopping a VHS tape in half with a katana.

  • Bubs

    What’s with all the Canadia hate? I like Jim and Colin. They’re both so awkward, it’s instant comedy.

  • LameSame

    You’re welcome!

  • Robotpals

    FALSE! I’ve met at least one Canadian woman.

  • Robotpals

    Any of their other shows can just end an episode abruptly, but BotW NEEDS a sendoff every time.

  • rogueriffers

    Touché

  • Red Skeleton

    They kind of remind me of Colin Mochrie from Who’s Line is it Anyway….. wait a sec…

  • Frank Lovejoy

    You know how the world is being ruined by white, left-wing iconoclasts living in ivory tower gated communities, loudly screaming their moronic privileged opinions about everything at us while looking down on the rural subhumans who make their life possible?

    That’s basically Canada and the US, respectively.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    Reminds me of the time Keanu did Hamlet in Canada. One of the reviews was: “Reeves says all of the words, and in the correct order!”

  • M A S K E D P U M K I N

    Yes this! Que right wing reshaping policies.

    *nuclear detonation gif pending*

  • M A S K E D P U M K I N

    I dunno. I enjoyed this ep. too long tou. 45 minutes is max.lenght4 my brain.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    The alternative to slashing your wrists isn’t hanging yourself.

  • Craig Rigby

    ive noticed a correllation with people who write, direct and star in their own films and people having awkward sex scenes in their films…and i can totally get behiind that kind of thing lol.
    that woman is clearly an expensive escort or porn actress, and he was probably having a bit of her on the side during shooting. shes way too hot to be a random wanna be actress or low class hooker who would normally be in this class of film.

  • It’s not?

  • frankelee

    If Canadians are so polite, how come they didn’t offer to take the end seats so we couldn’t so easily see how morbidly obese our favorite Red Letter Media hacks have become?

  • Like Icare

    I don’t know… I remember there being a review saying that he was the right choice for it due to the fact that at the time he WAS Hamlet.
    You know… A confused young man, dealing with personal issues and loss.
    I mean, I can totally see a young Keanu going around acting like he’s not all there, monologuing to himself while looking all princely.
    Particularly not too long after My Own Private Idaho and River Phoenix’ death.

    Much like Mel Gibson is also a perfect Hamlet – if you concentrate on the fact that he may not be ACTING crazy to confuse everyone around him but may actually be off his nut after his father died, his mother remarried, his girlfriend killing herself…

    On the other hand… I can also imagine that it may have been… special.
    Particularly the bits like “Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most EXCELLENT fancy.”
    ::airguitar::

  • Like Icare

    Google “Harry’s Next Review”.
    Then google “Sara MacDermott”.
    Then google “Mike on Kirsten Dunst’s”.
    Then recall Jessi’s hair color. Before she returned to her home planet.

    What was that you were saying about correlations?

  • Jerome Gorden

    Mainstream Review Summaries for The Passion (from RT):

    1. “While this is clearly the most controversial film of the year, but I also happen to think it might also be the its most brilliant as well.”

    2. “If I were a Christian, I’d be appalled to have this primitive and pornographic bloodbath presume to speak for me.”

    3. “Moving. Powerful. Epic. Beautiful.”

    4. “Sick.”

    5. “Mel Gibson, the Lord love him–and I believe He does, has succeeded in producing the first major motion picture ever that is both spiritually and historically challenging.”

    6. “If Gibson imagined that this extended detailing of sadism would somehow be inspirational, he needs to be taken off his biblical steroids.”

    7. “BLOOD GORE PAIN!!!!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

    8. “This is a powerful film.”

    9. “The Passion of the Christ is the Jesus story that’s been begging to
    get made since Charlie Heston kicked off his robes and sandals.”

    10. “A high-art snuff film…an unhealthy, inhuman, pornographic, masochistic torture mechanism.”

    11. “…up there with the greatest films of the genre, [although] the director’s approach may be somewhat excessive in terms of violence.”

    12. “A two-hour bloodbath.”

    13. “One cannot rely on any critic for this film because a biased opinion lies behind every review.”

    Wow….everyone was either like “absolute masterpiece” or “absolute shit”. The last guy was the only one who said something sensible.

  • ninja egyptologist

    Yeah its pills. Duh!

  • To be fair, I’m fairly certain they don’t watch Cinemassacre/AVGN.

  • Caruso S.

    “an unhealthy, inhuman, pornographic, masochistic torture mechanism”

    Sounds like my marriage!

  • Caruso S.

    You forgot the part where Busey provides his own sexy saxophone music for the romantic flashback.

  • I prefer bleach.

  • Red Skeleton

    Asshole Violators, Future Forced, and GetInside were a great break from your typical sexual violence-fuel fare, eh Rich Evans?

  • stryker1121

    Way to only have 3 auto-erotic asphyxiation jokes in a 90 second span when introducing the Carradine movie. You guys are really classing up the joint around here, I must say.

  • When the first Carradine A-E joke came up, I instantly thought “if I was there instead of Jim, I’d ask if we were doing a time to autoerotic asphixiation joke timer or a counter?” Seconds later, I got the answer.

  • “It’s got a bunch of hack sci-fi actors in it, like that bald guy from Star Trek”

    You’ll have to be a little more specific…

  • We haven’t seen Rich Evans run in from the newsroom in ages…

  • LameSame

    WHERE’S JACK

  • LameSame

    WHERE ARE YOU, JACKO? COME OUT.

  • LameSame

    COME OUT TO PLAY, JACK

  • LameSame

    He’s probably on vacation or something.

  • LameSame

    I’m not crazy. I just love Jack so much

  • LameSame

    Oh God I’m crying now

  • No Name

    An excellent episode. All the comments were very funny.
    I really like when they bring up the dark humor about actors who have died. Its not something you see everywhere and i enjoy when i see someone who doesn’t go by the strict rules.

  • Red Skeleton

    Patrick Swayzee or whatever his name was. He was also Charles Excalibur in Mystery Men.

  • ikdks

    Tell Max Landis, good job on Dirk Gently. I didn’t think anybody could do it but he nailed it. I say that knowing the sofa and the thor story.

  • EJ

    I’m sorry these people victimized you. Perhaps you need a Safe Space?

  • Jerome Gorden

    If you add “crazy anime” to the list it pretty much describes my life.

  • David Carlisle

    “I’m through with rape!”

    Sorry Rich, but rape is not done with you. Not by a long shot…

  • Admiral Bone-to-Pick

    Awesome end montage. Look up “greater than the sum of its parts” in a dictionary, and that’s what you see.

  • ikdks

    I mean I never felt that Douglas Adams really earned that concept. I feel like he came up with the phrase holistic detective then tried to write the character, and never quite hit it on the head.

    Landis did it better, Adams is probably smart-funnier, but c’mon he’s Adams.

  • Craig Rigby

    at that moment the showbiz pizza bear slowly rises from behind him…

  • sigaba

    The location in Mutant Species with the space shuttle model is the US Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, Alabama. I recognized it instantly because that’s where Space Camp is and I spent a week there in the 90s.

    The interior shot of the dudes in bunny suits wheeling a cart is an interior of the Space Camp facility, in the background is the Discovery simulator and you can see the Wheels of Doom thingy Lea Thompson rode in that shot as well. If the camera panned to the left you’d see the dive tank, and if the camera turned around 180° you’d see the cafeteria.

  • Pop Culture Reference

    Did these two Canadians give Mike his annual shipment of poutine?

  • Pop Culture Reference

    “At home … washin’ his tights!!!”

  • Pop Culture Reference

    — Melania Trump

  • Pop Culture Reference

    I prefer naruto.

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