Best of the Worst: Future War, The Jar, and White Fire

September 24, 20151,507 Comments

Oh no! It’s a Battle of the Genres episode of Best of the Worst! This episodes features both one of the best movies the group has ever watched on the show, as well as one of the worst. Also, Robert Z’dar wears his best Borg cosplay.

Filed in: Best of the Worst

  • Jonah Falcon

    FUTURE WAR! Starring huge plaid shirt gang members, Robert Z’Dar, Cute-a-sauruses and Forrest J. Ackerman!

    MONSTERS IN THE HOOD, Y’ALL Y’ALL!

  • Milton Dammers

    Battle of the Genres when the only genre is crappy movie! Bring it on!

  • Laura

    I have a sudden urge to watch MST3K right now. Thanks!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What what!

  • Michael Collins

    First!

  • Michael Collins

    Yeah yeah, I’m going to watch it now..

  • Steven Simmons

    Epic Flask is epic.

  • Gene Holman

    I may have been the only person in my theater who perked up when Daniel Bernhardt made his appearance in The Matrix Reloaded.

    “Hey! It’s The Runaway!!!”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It’S ABouT TImE YOu FuCkING HACk FraUDS

  • Thomas

    Those shelf labels need quotation marks around them, for example, instead of sci-fi, write “sci-fi”, instead of comedy, write “”””””””””comedy”””””””””. Please.

  • TapewormBike

    I can’t watch this right now. The irony! It hurts!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yay things!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    IS A BTTIEY OF CHACUDS

    But what does it mean??

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That’s right satan!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Thats Right Susan!

  • Percy Gryce

    Did a dinosaur eat Wizard’s beard too?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    P.S its 1AM,,,, work is going to suck tomorow….
    *insert ‘Sick Day Reason’ here.

  • tOmy`

    An hour with these people is like an eternity. What a value.

  • brutal_sushi

    Where can I get me a giant flask?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Given Mikes homoerotic puns in this ep i would say Jay banned Omitted.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its called a bottle.

  • tOmy`

    First you have to admit you have a problem.
    Then you have to find a way to forget about said problem.

    Then a Booze Fairy comes and gives you something to fix all your problems.

  • tOmy`

    Wizard’s t-shirt is pretty damn great.

  • Percy Gryce

    I’m Team Blue (sorry Jay & Wizard).

  • dollar store cashier wife

    That’s right Jay! But did you knew this episode took 12 years to make?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It feels like they all do.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    the patreon money was liquefied into that flask Mike had.

  • Smiley_ie

    You assholes where posted on PC Gamer the other day.
    http://www.pcgamer.com/sort-characters-from-cut-outs-with-the-plinkett-test/

  • Palpatine

    It’s rated R.
    Sounds good so far.
    Let me tell you about The Jar.

  • Adzl33t

    There better be a review of Hotel Transylvania 2 later

    “It’s an Adam Sandler project, and he’s running the show, to a degree. So Hotel Transylvania 2 was more difficult that way.”
    -Gennedy Tratavosky

    There should be a Samurai Jack movie by now

  • LameSame

    As Jay grows more attractive, those around him grow more grotesque. Mark my words: dark magic is behind this.

    Dark Milwaukee magic.

  • Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!! Content. Fresh juicy content!!!!

  • Like Icare

    Content! Jolly good!

  • tOmy`

    “Monsters In The Hood” would have been much better title.

  • Like Icare

    Obscure size? Like… XXXS?

    %midgetshamin

  • LameSame

    Ew. Everybody stop gushing about “content”. It’s fucking gross. At the very least stop using that word. It makes me feel all weird and consumery.

  • Percy Gryce

    I’m content with the video offerings on this webzone.

  • KonradZell

    Nice vest, asshole!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    You better offer me some content tonight sugar tits…

  • Percy Gryce

    You must have me confused for someone else–like Richevans.

  • Johnny

    Has Rich lost some weight? Looking good there, dude!

  • Aidan Simpson

    Jack, I see you with that Classic Slice shirt.

  • Like Icare

    Oh yeah… That’s the guy from The Matrix Reloaded.

  • MPJZ

    It’s hard to believe that before the internet existed people had to make their own fake incest porn.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’ll content you in hell.

  • LameSame

    Woah, why so contentious?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’m content as hell and I’m not gonna content it anymore!

  • LameSame

    KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!tent

  • mister man

    That was so cool

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    New BoTW, let’s kick this off like a dead lepers head

  • LameSame

    I’d love to see an interview with the guy responsible for “The Jar”. I hope he’s an insurance agent or something now who’s, like, totally embarrassed that his shitty college art film is being exposed to tens of thousands of people.

  • L0lwut

    Hahaha one of the best episodes yet.

  • I ALWAYS wish that RLM videos are longer than they actually are. Every time I realize that I only have five minutes of the video left, I always think, “N-no! After this is over, I’ll have to return to the real world again! I have shit to do in the real world! Why can’t I continue to follow these pop culture junkies down their trail of madness?!?!?!?!”
    Ah, well. They can only talk about bad movies for so long before Mike drunkenly drives his car through the set, killing all in sight.
    And it’s always nice to see Scientist Man using putting his degree in Scientist Shit to good use.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    More Susan!

  • Wolvy

    Sorry about the tape getting clogged in your VCR, did you send it to Lightning Fast for repairs?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    We should say “product” instead.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I content this anymore!

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    Mikes hip flask… His drinking problem is almost as bad as Rich Evans E-Cigarette addiction…

  • Fartastic

    You know you’ve made it as an actor when you get paid by the minute.

  • Like Icare

    Disposal of The Jar is the Piss Christ for the 21st century.

  • Erwin

    +1 for the execution of the VHS tape

  • Like Icare

    Oh and yeah… They guys need to check their privilege and stop microaggressing people who just want to fuck their sisters.

    #ForbiddenLoveIsLove2

  • Bhazor

    Speaking of creepy sex things. What was with Mike bottle feeding Rich?

  • Bhazor

    First you admit you have a problem. Then you send AA 10,000 beer bottle caps.

  • tOmy`

    You know, during the Science Man: Fun With Alcohol And Acetone part, I couldn’t help but wonder: Seeing your current set behind the lead drunko, do you guys shoot porn these days?

  • Like Icare

    All flasks are giant flasks to a midget.

    #DailyMomentOfWisdom

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Daniel Bernhardt: Jean Claude van Darn.*

    * I ripped off Tom Servo.

  • Like Icare

    They may be just pretending to be shooting porn while using the casting bed as an actual bed.
    WHAT A TWIST!!!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Ah … They’re called LPs.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    “You’re tearing me apart Jar!”

  • Xor

    It certainly blows……….

    ….the lid off a jar full of cum……..

  • Hank_Henshaw

    #ForbiddenLoveIsLove2

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s gonna be expensive, you know how much those Lightning Fast repair guys charge by the hour?

  • Palpatine

    Brace yourselves guys, the “MST3K did it first” comments are coming.

  • Djorge

    Hey it’s the wizard, not seen him in a while

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Am I the only one who got a Neverending Story vibe from the final music?

  • tOmy`

    Regarding the cardboard boxes: TV show Community did a lot of odd / creative things during its runtime – school-wide paintball competition action episodes, the-floor-is-lava game went Mad Max apocalypse etc. One of those special episodes were pillow fort – basically, the main characters wanted to build the biggest pillow fort in the school. It was pretty impressive visually and generally a great idea (pictures at the end of the post).

    Now, I was wondering, could you use the cardboard boxes and create a whole movie inside of cardboard boxes fort (or in a setting like that)? I mean, all you need is these cheap fuckers, some paint, junk lying around and create pretty impressive visuals and unique setting for your movie – plus you can paint every box with different colors / themes on each side and reconstruct your sets just by turning the boxes around.

    Here are the pics:

    http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/community-sitcom/images/2/29/Pillow_town_construction.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130523130413
    http://www.razorfine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/community-pillows-and-blankets.jpg
    http://tuningintoscifitv.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/CommunityS2E09L.jpg

  • Ubik

    “Love butcher” must be some kind of set up for future Best of the Worst

  • Like Icare

    And now, your moment of apophenia.

    The key to this episode is Jake Gyllenhaal.
    Who plays a soldier from the future in Source Code, and a kid from the future in Donnie Darko where he talks with his real-life sister who is also his pretend sister about the merits of “sucking a fuck” while sitting at the dinner table with their parents.
    Jake also plays a soldier in a movie called Jarhead with Peter Sarsgaard, who is fucking Jake’s real life sister Maggie (who is also Jake’s fake sister Elizabeth in DD), while secretly being possessed by Bob Ginty’s ghost.

    http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25900000/Robert-Ginty-in-The-Paper-Chase-robert-ginty-fans-25993121-624-480.jpg
    http://images2.static-bluray.com/products/22/207_1_large.jpg

    This moment of apophenia is brought to you by the letter S.
    For schizophrenia.

  • Like Icare

    It’s a sorta-top sorta-gun sorta-theme.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl-ZqQ_InX8

  • I’d be kind of interested to hear Jay’s explanation for why some abstract art movies are good and some are bullshit.
    Because the only explanations I can think up sound incredibly pretentious.
    I haven’t seen MANY arthouse films because my tastes are still kind of evolving (I grew up with the ‘Star Wars’ prequels. G-give me time!) but I do know that I like abstract movies like ‘Eraserhead’ and dream-like movies like ’81/2.’
    I guess the reason why I like those movies is because, even though there’s not always LOGIC to them, there feels like there’s some kind of… truth to them. Like, abstract as they may be, they seem to come from a genuine place in the directors’ souls and they just… get through to me somehow. I don’t really know how to explain it.
    I guess that, really, there should be some kind of emotional investment in your bullshit art fantasy and it shouldn’t be “WHOA! Look at all these vague, ambiguous images! How thought-provoking!”
    I think that college students, especially the arty kind, like to think that they’re really deep and profound and they just don’t like to face up to how shallow and superficial they can be at times. That’s my theory, anyway, because I, myself, am guilty of being over-pretentious and self-important despite the fact that, really, I don’t know shit. (For evidence of THAT, you can just re-read this entire post.)
    Anyway, who wants to fund my new movie!?! It’s called ‘The Container’ and it will have all the bullshit symbolism of ‘The Jar’ and all the Asian tentacle-sex of ‘The Item.’
    THAT’S ART, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The best part of awaking up is Rich Evans in your cup!

  • Like Icare

    Why? Do they play longer than ordinary? Is that Peter Dinklage’s secret? He can dinklage longer than the ordinary Peter?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LP_record

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The whole plot of White Fire kinda reminds me of The Phantom Pain. With all the-oh wait that’s spoilers.

  • tOmy`

    Lemme guess – is the D-Dog your sister?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Hopefully the only thing those morons left is an everlasting dank meme.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No, Kaz is!

  • Like Icare

    Wait… Is a microaggression a regular aggression to a midget?

    #WhoaMan

  • Palpatine

    Did all the Paetron money go to Mike’s giant flask?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It only costs 20 bucks so yes.

  • Palpatine

    It looks like Rich has stopped drinking.

  • Like Icare

    Technically.
    It was invested in reserves of Johnnie Walker Blue.

    And then Mike drinkeded them.

  • Palpatine

    Mike’s from Wisconsin, so he’s a PBR guy.

  • Like Icare

    I said it was originally an investment.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And Jay’s biceps have lost some muscle mass.

  • Palpatine

    And Josh shaved his beard.

  • Palpatine

    A terrible investment.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT

  • Palpatine

    I don’t like things that are different! I’m done with RLM!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I fucking love Scientist Man! Fucking Scientist Man!

  • Like Icare

    You know… For kids.

    Actually… being that exclusive booze follows the laws of supply and demand… and demand means that someone will drink it…

    If you can keep it from evaporating and in original packaging (Blue Labels come with a certificate and whatnot) it CAN be treated as a long term investment.
    That shit is some pricey booze.

  • LameSame

    Aww, poor fella! Let me cheer you up with a joooooooooooke…

    “Q: Where do fugitives on a camping trip sleep? A: In a con tent!”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAKILLMEKILLLLLMEEEEEEEEEEE

  • I think it’s time Mike’s had an intervention. If that doesn’t happen next time we’ll see him drinking out of a jar.

  • That and acetone.

  • It does make sense that there’s a Turkish George Lucas.
    After all, those ‘Star Wars’ prequels were real Turkeys.
    I could barely sit through them the second time.

  • Quiet is Big Boss’s sister but she’s also the mom of Solid, Liquid and Solidus! Dun-dun-dun.

  • Like Icare

    I thought that’s where the unwashed convention goers sleep at?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=8mLUQpOn9Dw#t=913

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s EVA, you numb skull! Come here! *pokes eyes*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    HA! Animated movies on Half in The Bag! You’re killing me!

  • Palpatine

    Gogglies and rubbly glubs.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • *gluvs

  • He became a middle-aged an elderly hand model.

  • Adzl33t

    I won’t stop asking

  • Like Icare

    WITNESS ME!!!

  • LameSame

    You’d be surprised to see how much the two groups overlap on a Venn diagram.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    WITNESSED!!!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s a shame, The Jar’s artwork has that 80s airbrush poster art quality to it, while the dvd box art for Future War is a hack job. Nothing against photoshop as a tool, you can make artwork in photoshop to look pretty much like 80s airburshed posters, but that’s a lot of work.

  • Like Icare
  • Wizard Phoenix
  • TapewormBike

    Is Jay selling out?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    I bet Mike would love that.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oh, yeah, that’s from Die Hard With a Vengeance, right? If the two liquids mix they become highly explosive.

  • TapewormBike

    I know we’re still on topic, but Prometheus 2 is now called Alien: Paradise Lost.

    Fuck me.

  • Because Merchandising and Brand Synergy.

  • Palpatine

    Will the black goo finally be explained?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m sure you misread “Avatar”.

  • Like Icare
  • Hasn’t your Sith training taught you anything about the birds and the beads?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • TapewormBike

    Yes, it represents the stream of constant reboots, remakes and unwanted sequels. AKA, the Landis Ooze.

  • jason

    I’ve said this before but the way Mike treats Rich isn’t really funny anymore. He’s just being a prick to him for no discernible reason. Sometimes it’s funny but then he just tries to undermine everything Rich says which he didn’t use to do. Even in the commentary tracks Mike just makes fun of Rich who hasn’t said or done anything to provoke it.

  • It was explained in Turtles 2: The Secret of The Ooze.

  • Micro-aggressions.

  • TapewormBike

    Do you have male friends? That’s what happens.

  • Like Icare

    I foresee someone fucking a snake.

  • Palpatine

    Rich being Mike’s butt monkey is nothing new.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Thank you for your comment, Stalin.

  • Aren’t you describing the plot to Lady Terminator?

  • Like Icare

    No. That one takes place on Earth.

    Or DOES IT?

  • TapewormBike

    Enough about our vacation plans.

  • There’s nothing like Grampa’s old cough medicine.

  • BTW, was anyone else surprised this episode wasn’t edited by Mike? My expectations were subverted as Jay emulated his style perfectly. Either that or he went for the arthouse student film angle and failed miserably.

  • Bubs

    I’m still waiting for Mike to make him cry.

  • TapewormBike

    He’s back! He IS BACK!

  • Bubs

    Are you suggesting that Omitted’s ban was a hate crime?

  • A Wizard is never late. He arrives precisely when he means to Just drunk, laying in a gutter for a few months.

    PS. Why don’t you marry him!!!!!!!!!!!

  • TapewormBike

    Omi, stupid, OMI IS BACK!

  • Palpatine

    *bareback

  • Ohh, oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sorry

    ;-;

  • TapewormBike

    Always

  • “Bear” back.


    …because Mike is a bear and he’s having sex with him.
    It’s been so long that I’ve gotten a little rusty on my innuendo.

  • ….we’re happy you’re back, too, Josh. Just so you don’t feel left out.
    Now, if Jessi is featured in videos in the future, our dysfunctional little family will be back to its perfect balance.

    …okay, not “balance.” But the kind of imbalance that I’m comfortable with, at least.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Who? Me?

  • This Webzone ain’t big enough for two Wizards.
    You and Josh will fight at dawn.

  • …yes, this. It’s been arranged.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Western Ore Musical style

  • “I’ve never had a woman!”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    How about no, I’m dating an Australian lady. She’ll be mad.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Pyrite is not right with me.

  • You dare question the will of the council comment board?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • dollar store cashier wife

    I just don’t get it. Why? Why did Ridley needed to revisit and retroactively ruin the film that jumpstarted his career? BTW is anyone else excited for Blade Runner 2? WE TOTALLY NEEDED THAT SEQUEL THAT’S FOR SURE!

  • Yauzah. My mistake.

  • “Mike, will you tell us about The Jar, because FUCK YOU?”

  • Gold is better, makes…

  • I think we can safely start to write his autobiography in advance.

    Ridley Scott: The sad misguided drunken last years of his life and why he likes to be nude.

    Avalible soon on Amazon Kindle.

  • Commander X

    The Jar reminded me a bit of this film some fellow I knew back in the day made, he and a couple of hangers on would crank out these little movies that often never made it past local film festivals, or showings to the cast members even. He managed to get some financing for a few of these disasters and live off of the money, or whoever was his girlfriend at the time. He’d tried filming a low-budget Shakespeare movie, that ended up looking like someone’s filming of an amateurish Shakespeare In the Park performance. He tried filming a low-budget crime movie, etc. then he tried his hand at some artsy surreal nonsense with a dash of horror and from what I heard the shoot was a disaster, in part because the lead actress was a cokehead and kept screwing up her lines, and tried taking more coke to alleviate that problem. Anyways, the resulting disaster was never seen by anyone past a couple of showing to cast and crew members and their friends.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Pussy wetter

  • Bubs

    I didn’t know you used to be friends with Len Kabasinski.

  • Like Icare

    Because Lucas Syndrome.

    Obsessive compulsive need to fuck with your own work in order to “make it beterer”.
    Ergo more than one version of Director’s Cut of Blade Runner and what happened to Legend.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3gG3phgpcUs#t=220

    Same with G.I. Jane.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119173/board/nest/163217185?d=168280761#168280761

    Add to that Scott’s susceptibility to suggestion, auto- or otherwise.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3gG3phgpcUs#t=379

    He is very creative and visual – but he will also make huge leaps of logic as they will seem to make sense to him.
    Ergo, Prometheus. Ergo, ridiculousness of Robin Hood.

    Dude is a great director, but once he starts filming the script he should have a “minder” with him to make sure he doesn’t fuck up the story.

  • Jillian

    I miss Jessi. I haven’t seen her in your videos in a while. Does she still put up with you guys? I could do with more fart jokes.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hey, Sully, you’re-wait. You’re not Sully.

  • Anders Hass

    I want to watch Future War ^_^

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Like with Mel Gibson, we shouldn’t judge Mike for what he does when he’s drunk.

  • tOmy`

    I think the biggest irony would be if they just replicated the first one.

    Get it? It’s like tears in rain.

    Ha! Get that one?!

    REMEMBER BLADE RUNNER?!

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Must just be the mid-80s, then.

  • Scheduled to run at the Manhole.

  • Palpatine

    What is it with foxes?

  • tOmy`

    Credit where credit is due:

    FUCK THIS.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They’re pretty dense.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Fuk Yu? No. Fuk Mi. See?

  • DeColonise

    The music in the movie the jar sounds awesome from what is heard in this episode.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Well then let’s take his Braveheart Oscar back, because he was clearly drunk if that sounded anything better than a Pakistani accent.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Something called Panspermia. If you get really high and listen to Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot you can totally get it.

    High on diesel fumes. Connection?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You know who was a better Scientist Man for like one episode before he became a raging alcoholic and ruined everything for the other Myth Kids? Tori Belleci or however you spell it. I still can’t get over his name being Salvatore.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.
  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I’ll ask Nate and he’ll probably tell me to go Dinklage myself. Fuckin’ guy always wins the Fantasy Football shit. Pisses me off.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Did anybody else have a childhood obsessed with bottle caps? Remember the peel-off carcinogenic bottle cap contests from the 70s where the plastic thingie hid a prize? Man, those were the days. Fill kids with 7Up sugar and kill ’em with cancer.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Seems fair to me.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Jessi has returned to her home planet.

  • Robotpals

    The best destruction since the car-dragging.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    What did the Future War producers have against cardboard boxes? And why is Mike Nelson better than Joel? Also, how come black PVC somehow dresses up every concrete corridor? And why does the blonde nun look completely unfuckable as an ex-whore? The Sarah Connor voice-over, her blandness, her inability to act her way out of a parking ticket, I can excuse those. But unfuckability?

  • Earth

    Wait? The guys drive away from the studio? I thought they were squatters illegally living there.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I would watch Much Ado About Swamp Zombies.

  • Som

    crap, I thought you where joking, I guess Ridley Scott realised he could save 50 cent a year on merchandising if he shorted the title

  • Earth

    Basically, both Eraserhead and 8 1/2 have a story. There are so many bullshit arthouse movies that just show random images and other dumb shit and it’s supposed to be “poetic” and “symbolic”. Guido being held to the ground by a rope is symbolic because there’s a story and character for that image to fall back on.

    It doesn’t help that most students are just discovering for the first time various concepts that most adults (or at least academics) have known about for years. “Woah I did a class on Postmodernism, I totally understand Roland Barthes better than anyone!!!”, so you get the same dumb shit over and over again.

  • Earth

    People keep mentioning MST3K. I’m British, I don’t know this American shit. Help me internet!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I can’t wait. I absolutely adore Prometheus.

    If Paradise Lost has Fassbender in it I’ll become an investor. You’ll see me in the credits: special thanks to “William Potter.”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    This was pretty much hinted at when Prometheus came out in DVD. I remember Scott saying that Noomi Rapace and Fassbender’s head were going to be analog to Adam and Eve, or some such bullshit like that. I remember he said, back then, he wanted to called the movie “Paradise”.

  • SIMPSONS DID IT SIMPSO– I mean, MST3K DID IT! MST3K DID IT!!

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You mean like the characters in the old poem by John Bolton? I totally get it now.

  • FUUUUUTUURE WAX!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s right, Jay!

  • Would copious amounts of farting draw her backl?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You know what I do when I can’t sleep? I rent a truck and drive out to West Covina and switch the shopping carts between Target and Tractor Supply. The other thing I do is review MST3K movies at Netflix and end with “I love this movie but there’s this silhouette and annoying voice-over.”

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Judging by his career, Kenneth Branagh would probably star in it.

    And for every Henry V fan, his co-star would be Crispin Glover. See? I read a bunch of boring shit in college.

  • Earth

    I love the sad alcoholism music.

  • Hank_Henshaw
  • HansHanser

    What’s the name of the “sad song” that plays when Mike drinks out of his flask?

  • RLMkeepitup

    that’s how I look at the series, it feels like they’re talking over the movie. I know that’s the point but to each their own.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    OMG, I would totally watch Henry v. Warriors of the Apocalypse.

  • Earth

    Who said it was a joke? I just enjoy laughing at other people’s pain.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    How can you laugh when… oh, I get it.

  • scubadonc

    One of my friends ended up in a no-budget crime movie filmed by some idiot here in Casper, Wyoming. It was shown only once to a small group of the cast and crew’s friends. Not only was it horrible, but my friend did not really explain that I was going to see him in a sex scene.

  • Earth

    Mike is like Sad Clown now.

  • Earth

    Surely it’s cheaper to just make an incest fetish porn movie?

  • Palpatine

    The people in pain should just stuff it in.

  • Jonah Falcon

    Now I want to see Mike near a toilet saying, “They took all my money! All my money!”

  • RLMkeepitup

    battle of the genres? all I see is bad movies

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m gonna take a wild guess and say it’s a soundclip grabbed, probably, from White Fire. Maybe, I don’t know.

  • sigaba

    The Jar is clearly the secret prequel to Panos Cosmatos’s Beyond the Black Rainbow.

  • Jonah Falcon

    You sound like old men who yell, “Gettoffa my lawn!”

  • Domo

    I truly hope there’s an upcoming HiTB episode where Josh comes into the Lightning Fast VCR repair shop hoping to get “The Love Butcher” out of his VCR.

    Mike and Wizard won’t recognize each other, but one of them will hopefully mention how green/blue is better than blue/green in passing.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We need Scientist Man and Marty McJay to explain the Alien Franchise.

  • Domo

    Every time I heard that music, I thought of Johnny Depp’s Transcendence episode. It mostly reminded me of Johnny Depp, though.

  • Jonah Falcon

    Ever since I saw Future War way back when, I had this theory I still
    believe: that it was just a cheap demo reel to show off Daniel
    Bernhardt’s martial arts skill. This was not a movie that was intended
    to be released. Because right after he did this movie, he got a role in
    the Mortal Kombat TV series. He also got jobs as a stuntman and fight
    coordinator as well. You’ll notice NO ONE in this turkey ever worked again save Robert Z’Dar.

  • playdude92 .

    ### RLM (un)Official PSA “RedLetterMedia Inc does not condone abuse of alcohol or any other drug such as Caffeine, Nicotine and Meth. If you´ve a substance abuse problem, please visit your physician or nearest hospital. ###

  • I’d rather Susan to be his spunky little assistant.

  • That would requir too much effort.

  • tOmy`

    *lights up a cigarette*

    Woah, dodged a bullet there.

    *exhales*

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Susan McFly?

  • tOmy`

    No, I didn’t, I am just blind and cannot read. Of course you mentioned Nicotine.

  • TapewormBike

    Dodge this

  • Wizard Phoenix

    tOmy, are you the Illusive Man?

  • tOmy`

    I am the Illusive Cheerleader.

    That nickname comes from frat boys telling me: “Your panties are pretty illusive, Cheerleader.”

  • TapewormBike

    Somebody missed Omi

  • Sure, whatever. As long as she sucks his balls to reverse the timestream. https://vimeo.com/49664066

  • TapewormBike

    ill use i..Oh fuck this

  • RLMkeepitup

    lol at the Bruce Lee tiger claws on his chest that appear and then disappear

  • tOmy`

    That VHS tape looked like a cake.

  • Domo

    Thank you!

  • 101 Wacky Film Jokes:
    Q: What’s the sequel to The Jar called?
    A: Jar Jar.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I thought Miranda was the Cheerleader

  • Domo

    I think Rich Evans should get those tiger claws tattooed on his chest. His magic will make them appear at will.

  • TapewormBike

    On it

  • Domo

    Maybe they could show just 4 seconds of Josh, then use a body double for the rest of the episode.

    It works for other great films. Why not use it on a hit Internet show?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Icky icky goo

  • Also, I swear I heard her laugh in the background in one of the more recent videos.

    I could just be hallucinating from all the methane though.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They even used the door sound effect! At first I didn’t noticed it, but my brain did.

  • TapewormBike

    From what I know she’s laughing all over the Pre Rec streams. This “disappearance” of her is just something RLM peeeps like to obsess about.

  • tOmy`

    In my desperate search for Obscure Sigh music (because you might have noticed by now that I am a bit deranged when it comes to music) I found this neat little trivia on IMDB:

    The Jar
    Referenced in:
    Best of the Worst: The Star Wars Holiday Special (2014) (TV Episode)
    Video case is shown.

    (Also: The only trivia for this movie.)

  • TapewormBike

    Neat!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Spike Jonze, Tom Hardy, Me, and Christian Bale talking about schlock.

  • TapewormBike

    I agree with him, I tried getting into MST3K several times and found like zero entertainment in the banter itself, And wipe your damn shoes before stepping into my house, young man.

  • tOmy`

    RLM

    “We put the F back into effort. Twice.”

  • The Ghost

    You know Ginty only wants to play Twister with his sister.

  • tOmy`

    Oh god, I heard it in his voice.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Rich will have muscles soon like the Greek Gods and then laugh splitting his shirt apart. Space cop will be looked back on as acharacter piece he gained weight for.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    GET OUT!

  • RLMkeepitup

    she seemed a bit excited by the idea

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Of her fucking Al Pachino…Oh god, don’t think of that!

  • tOmy`

    Give her some credit, she must be incredible on top:

    https://filmdump.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/jack-and-jill-5.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They probably had to shoot that pony.

  • tOmy`

    Unlike half of the crew that shot themselves.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Sandler took away all their guns. He forced them to watch it.

  • Gavin Callaghan

    Off topic- but I finally saw The Dolph Lundren _Punisher_ (1989) from when I was a kid. It never came out in theaters at the time and so I waited and waited in vain to see it.

    It’s incredible! Loved it! Great, great action film.

  • Palpatine

    I know I wanted to shoot myself after watching it.

  • Earth

    Ahh, the perfect place to hide, a Pre Rec stream. No one will find her there.

  • Alexandria Sanders

    Mike you are becoming more and more of an angry drunk. its quite beautiful

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    CSI: Westmoreland

  • Very fun show that can unfortunately have a very annoying fanbase at times. And I’m saying this as someone who grew up with it and still regularly re-watches it.

  • Earth

    Thank You Internet! And Hale.

    I’ve noticed the comments every now and then, but I’ve never bothered to actually check what it is.

  • Amontillado

    I have not watched it yet, but this I know, everytime a new RLM video is up, the one thought, the ONLY thought is: “Aw shit son, here we go!”

  • Like Icare

    Really?

    I remember watching it at about ’89-’90 in a cinema in Tuzla, Yugoslavia (at the time).

    It’s a classic ’80s action movie. And still the best Punisher movie out there.

  • Like Icare

    Me and my brain noticed it too. Nice to see these little touches not going to waste.

  • Earth

    Thanks to RLM, all stock sound effects have been ruined for me.

  • Like Icare

    Q: When is a jar not a jar?
    A: When there is a door sound effect played over it.

  • Bubs

    I recently watched Wet Hot American Summer on Netflix. I’d never seen it before, and it was brought to my attention because of the new Netflix show based on it.

    Anyway, they use the ceramic-breaking sound effect like 15 times in that movie. You know the one; the Curling Nascar Sound Effect. It made me laugh every time I heard it. Does anyone know the ACTUAL name of that sound effect?

  • Like Icare

    They may have accidentally walled her in within one of their Space Cop sets and now they either can’t hear her OR it would cost too much to tear the set down and build it up again that they’ve decided to just keep her there until they finish filming of Space Cop.

  • tOmy`

    This show needs some diversity. Come on, this whole comment section is basically just drunk white people and a Canadian that pops in from time to time because he is busy with actual work – we know this shit very well.

    Maybe it’s time to hire (or buy, I am not sure how ‘murica rolls these days) African-American and / or Jessi. Or someone with a tattoo. Or maybe a gimp.

    Yea, I could see a gimp being in your show.

  • Jaws

    I know it’s only Best of the Worst but I like it

  • Palpatine

    Well according to 4chan, Mike is a racist.

  • Strelnikov

    Some crap I found:

    The lead “actor” from The Jar left a comment on IMdB:

    “Hello, this is Paul who was in the Jar, and many thanks to those of you
    who actually saw this movie.

    I have to agree, it was one of the worst movies ever made, but because
    I was in it, I had to give it a 4.

    Okay, my acting was horrible, but in my defense, most of the movie was
    shot in one take. We shot the movie in two stretches of two weeks. If
    you look closely, you will notice my hair is longer in some scenes than
    in others. One stretch was shot in the fall, when my hair was longer,
    and the other stretch was shot in the spring, when my hair was shorter.
    Then we did some pickup shots later in the summer.

    We hardly rehearsed any scenes at all.

    All I can say is, we did our best with what we had.

    If I remember correctly, the movie was shot on a budget of about
    $200,000.

    Oh – yup, we dubbed all of the dialog. We would shoot from 5 or 6 am
    until it got dark, then go to the sound studio and dub until 1 or 2 am,
    then get up and shoot the next day.

    The director decided he didn’t want the 60 hz signal so he could sync
    the recorded voices to the film, so he and his assistant ended up
    cutting little pieces of tape and splicing them together to at least
    try to make the sound match the movie.

    In Bruce’s defense (the director) he was a decent photographer. I think
    he and the script writer had a vision of what they wanted the movie to
    be. If I remember correctly, they were trying to portray various
    incidents of inhumanity and how inhumanity could pass from one person
    to the next.

    So if any of you know of sci fi cons where they would like commentary
    on what some consider to be the worst film ever made, send me an
    e-mail.”

    His account is/was “u2bme102.”

    The other thing is that the American guy who saves the kids at the beginning of White Fire is none other than Jess Hahn, who was “Baby Face” the “white trash Q” (as Joel Hodgeson called him) in Secret Agent Super Dragon, that awful Ray Danton spy movie set mostly in Amsterdam. Funny Mystery Science Theater episode, but a terrible film.

  • Like Icare

    An African gimp with a tattoo?
    I hear there’s a lot of those on the market at the moment. Fresh from Eritrea.

    For bonus points, a lot of those people have grown up in near-North Korean level of media blockade.
    Just think of the insight into US-ian culture they could offer.

  • Strelnikov

    If you like angry drunks, that is.

  • tOmy`

    “According to 4chan” is one of the scariest sentences in English.
    It’s right next to the “I saw this on 9GAG” and “Would you stop screaming, you are making this whole murder thing a fucking ordeal.”

  • Palpatine

    Would rather have a new Plinkett review?

  • Like Icare
  • Jaws

    Nope, Best of the Worst ROCKS. Besides, there’s actually 2 Plinketts in this.

  • Palpatine

    Oh, for a second there I thought you were going to be like one of those spoiled RLM fans who want nothing but Plinkett reviews.

  • Its like Death Spa only in an aerobics class.

  • You made the black goo from Prom Night! Do Millenninmals know who Forest J. Ackerman is without an internet machine? Wonderful episode. Love my Tee-shirt except it clings to my titties a little. No tittie shirts for computer nerds you Scientologist fucks!

  • Like Icare

    Meddling kids even write “Death Spa” on their window.

  • Jaws

    Not me Palpy. Best of the Worst is my personal fav thing that RLM does.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    4chan can’t get over plot holes in Christopher Nolan films

  • Well said. Also, “it’s true because Snopes says so”

  • That would be a cool “Manimal” re-boot; “Millanimal”.

  • Jaws

    you just have a ”thing” for animals don’t you

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Excuse me, but only Jaws can talk to himself.

  • Best profile pic ever! Can’t help thinking about him and that poor black girl.

  • What is you talking about? Andrew’s been doing this for ages too.

  • Gallen_Dugall

    That old FASA Star Trek RPG on the shelf is giving me nostalgia flashbacks. Partner it up with the Amarillo Design Bureau’s table top tactical board game and it’s a great game.

  • Just like Alpachino!

  • Only manimals of the female kind. Femanimals! Especially Millenefeminals! Say that 5 times fast!

  • I had this same flashback! It looks like my high school bedroom!

  • Like Icare

    No “TAKE YOU CLOTHES OF AND GET BACK IN THE POOL!!! I like it when you’re wet.”?

  • Like Icare

    She’s his “twist ‘er sister”?

  • Jaws

    I thought you were gonna say that you love dogs, you’ve always loved dogs.

  • Palpatine

    Team Blue or Team Green, which one are you guys on? As for myself, I’m on Team Green.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    I’m colorblind

  • Like Icare

    Tom Green? Is he even alive?

  • Mike Magnum

    Why do they have two copies of Jack and Jill. Do they have a torture chamber.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    He appeared on The Norm MacDonald podcast a while back; that’s the last I’ve heard of him.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Are there African Americans in Wisconsin who like bad movies?

    I always thought of WI as the great white north.

  • Amontillado

    Having some background in public health and related home hazards – watching some of the ways in which RLM disposes of bad movies evokes a feeling, similar I believe, to Mom watching her teenage children do pranks that could easily end their lives.

    We love y’all at RLM, but don’t destroy your health on our account!

  • Amontillado

    Yes, yes they do. It’s called the Wheel of the Worst.

  • Amontillado

    Seth Green? Never got into Robot Chicken.

  • Like Icare

    The director of Future War did lights for Robot Chicken.

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    That picture reminds me of the Russian aristocracy for some reason.

    http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/354/018/b57.gif

  • Domo

    Jack has 2 tattoos, actually.

    I’m also pretty sure Mike Stoklasa got a tramp stamp during one of his drunken excursions.

    There. Diversity quota fulfilled.

  • Amontillado

    Nothing like a butt naked Dolph Lundgren to get you in the mood for some awesomeness

  • Captain Matticus, LP Inc.

    Would we consider it to be a family film?

  • Mike Magnum

    I figured there would be a lot more whipping involved.

  • Amontillado

    Were you basted for the experience, or just baked?

  • bassbait

    I know, it’s really annoying. What’s even more annoying is when I’m trying to watch my favorite film, The Phantom Menace, and there’s like this old guy talking over it? It makes it hard to watch.

  • Amontillado

    Q: What do you call a sequel to, “The Jar,” that blinks?
    A: Jar Jar Blinks

  • RLMkeepitup

    we did stop buying humans some time ago, unless there’s a black market for that too

  • Amontillado

    The way you phrase, “The Love Butcher,” makes me think that the Wizard would have more than just a tape stuck in the VCR. he, heheh

  • RLMkeepitup

    I laughed when they used it more than once.

  • Ohgee1kenobi

    In the church scene of Future Wars, the Van Damme wannabe had hilarious scratches which kept disappearing/reappearing. This was a great epsiode.

  • Amontillado

    “Does it really launch? Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?”

    -King Bubbles the Just, 1283 AD

  • bassbait

    I was shocked too. Whenever I’m watching an RLM video there are two things that I spot – if Mike edited it, and if Mike is sober. Clearly he wasn’t sober for this one, but I was shocked to see that he didn’t edit it. Maybe Jay is stepping up his game.

  • Amontillado

    I got a gray kitty
    and a tabby too
    And an orange kitty
    who poos in my shoes
    Got mad MC skills
    That leave ya struck
    And I roll with my kitties
    and I’m hard as f*ck
    Down with Plato and Socrates
    And I like to get down with my ladies
    Somethin somethin somethin
    Somethin somethin somethin
    Up in my shed, up in my shed

    Bubble’s Rap, Straight Outta the Shed, 2000ish

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That sound reminds me of an old FPS game, Heretic. I liked Heretic better than Doom or Doom II.

  • Mike Magnum

    Don’t forget that his shirt just magically comes off.

  • bassbait

    They’ve been friends since high school right? That plus alcohol means it’s gonna deteriorate until they can’t stand each other and then Rich quits RLM.

    That honestly kinda scares me. When I tune in to best of the worst, I want to see Rich and the other guys, not the other guy and another other guys.

  • Amontillado

    Only when Mike is drunk enough and can get his hands on Rich, that is if he doesn’t get his hands on Jay first.

  • Amontillado

    So weird, but Seth Green got his starts as one of the dinosaurs in Future War. Oh how the wheel of fate turns.

  • Amontillado

    Manhole. That is all.

  • Like Icare

    The circle of life. The wheel of the worst…

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I got my start on a Nissan commercial but you don’t hear me bitching. “Become a success,” my agent said.*

    * or you’ll do this forever

  • Amontillado

    It rhymes; it’s like poetry

  • Like Icare

    A Nissan commercial?

    Nut on a truck?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    And now Norm Macdonald is Colonel Sanders, and he’ll certainly die in the great Avian Supremacy Wars of 2022.

  • Amontillado

    Aren’t you riding the coattails of your famous attached body, or more like hanging out?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    If you look really closely during the bedroom scenes where he’s fiddling with the radio, his fingernails change. Did he have second thoughts? Did they bring in a hand-double? Was that shoot the Summer of George?

  • bassbait

    that one has my actual birthday on it. It was meant for me. Too bad I don’t drink.

  • Amontillado

    Move over Billy Nye, there’s a new guy on the block. However, he should team up with the, “Will it Blend,” guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7TK_8RiVj8

  • Commander X

    Well, I knew this guy and some of the people who got mixed up with him, even attended a couple of showings as a friend of a cast member.

    I had no interest in getting seriously involved in any of his projects, all of which ended more or less in disaster, with enormous recriminations on all sides, unpaid invoices, and people wanting to know where their money was.

  • Like Icare

    You can still put drinkable liquid in it. It doesn’t have to be booze.

  • bassbait

    Surrealism isn’t about logical realism, it’s about emotional realism. When surrealist/artsy stuff is good, it doesn’t need to “make sense” because emotions are inherently nonsensical. It just needs to wrap you up in the emotions that it’s portraying. Eraserhead and by extension all Lynch movies work because the guy knows really well how to command the audience’s emotions, regardless of any logic. Same can be said of Kubrick with The Shining which is inspired by Eraserhead and bears (pun intended) a lot of similarities. Same can also be said of Shane Carruth’s film Upstream Color which is a more recent example.

    Whether or not someone can be invested in an art project has to do with a few things – the aforementioned emotional realism, as well as being impressed with the craft (like set design, visuals, sound design, all the technical aspects of film) and whether or not you can get the “point” and agree to it. Some artistic projects have no point (The Jar, and I’d argue Begotten) and become an utter pain to watch because of it. Other art projects do have a point, but not one that makes for a watchable or engaging experience (Andy Warhol’s Empire for example, has an artistic point being made, but that doesn’t make it a movie worth seeing), other art projects have a point that you may not understand consciously, but that affects you subconsciously, like all good films do (Lynch films). And at the very top of the arthouse game are films that can make sense both consciously and subconsciously, such as 2001: A Space Odyssey which is my pick for best film ever made. It has the arthouse sensibilities, shown throughout the film but especially the beginning and ending sequences, but it also ties those things into a narrative that can be followed and understood if you pay enough attention.

  • bassbait

    me and my brother came up with a similar concept a long time ago. You know those playplaces at McDonalds? What if one was built big enough to house an entire city, an entire civilization? I think it’d be an interesting idea, even though it’s an extremely goofy premise.

  • bassbait

    You don’t want to know what liquid I’m gonna put in it.

  • bassbait

    is cuntent ok?

  • RLMkeepitup

    team blue has lost cooperation: http://i.imgur.com/4qgfoxO.gif

  • bassbait

    They should have destroyed The Jar twice.

  • Milkbot

    What’s the music that plays when mike drinks?

  • Jaws

    Twisted Sister

  • LameSame

    Only if it’s the kind of CUNT that makes me pitch a TENT. Hee-hoo!

  • Paul S.

    That was the most meta destruction segment yet.
    also, drunk Mike is bae

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Team Red with Jim and Colin

  • Crixxxx

    If you look closely, you can see an entire section of the shelves devoted to potty training videos.

  • The background music during the Future War discussion has this sound that’s panned hard left that pops in now and then that is distracting and terrifying.

  • Jaws

    ya gotta love how when that T Rex eats that hobo’s beard its like the size of a chihuahua

  • Mr_Show

    Yay!

  • Kenshiroh

    He was SIRO: THE GREATEST MORTAL KOMBAT CHARACTER EVER!

  • RLMkeepitup

    my favorite part was when the muppet Trex on the camera guys other hand was chasing the car in forced perspective. Eat your heart out Spielberg!!

  • bassbait

    anything for the hungry cuntsumer.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Whore-ders: Buried Alive

  • Jaws

    yah, lol, thats what you call a ”special” effect… special as in special olympics that is

  • Charon

    Robert Z’Dar looks super fucking drunk in those shots – maybe that’s why you don’t see very much of him? He seriously looks like he’s going to fall over when it cuts to his face the second time.

  • Bubs

    So trying to play “Love Butcher” broke their VCR? I guess they’ll need to find a VCR Repairman… Where oh where will they get one of those?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    If they leave it to Mike and Jay it will never be finished…. Just like spacecop.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I think Domo called it earlier, we’ll probly see that vcr showing back up later.

  • Noah R.

    Time to watch!

  • Bob Borries

    Just like SPACECOP… Spacecop… spacecop… spaceco… spacec… space… spac… spa… sp… s… ,,, ,, ,

  • Jaws

    *masturbate

  • Hank_Henshaw

    You can’t see it, but Robert Z’Dar was hiding a gigantic hip flask under his jaw.

  • quick_moranis

    How do you not recognize Fred Williamson on the cover?

  • Noah R.

    “Mike, would you tell us about The Jar because fuck you.”

    Damn Rich, that was sassy!

  • Eric

    Welcome back wizard. Now to time to enjoy some RLM after a long day of overtime dealing with geriatric patients 😛

  • HeftyJo

    This episode of Scientist Man needed more indiscriminate yelling and cursing at a befuddled Rich Evans standing in the background.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    So i can recommend not playing RLM based drinking games at 1AM.
    Last night when this video was posted i decided to play “Keep up with Mike.” Thats where you drink every time mike does, for as long as mike does….
    I tripped over one of my cats in the bathroom smashed my knee on the tiles and landed nose first on the laundry basket, causing a quite spectacular bloody nose.
    On a related note the giant hip flasks are about US$20 on EbayAmazon.

  • LameSame

    To paraphrase Boss Nass’s post (about three OPs down): “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!! Cuntent. Fresh juicy cuntent!!!!”

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The trick is sharing the booze, even if that means with people who don’t want any.

  • DrClown

    I was frankly disappointed that the debris from the explosion (24:53) was not also made of cardboard boxes.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsnzlIests4#t=24m53s

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Rich says “fuck you” so well…

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I’m on team puce

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I second that..Yay!

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Fuck yeah, that movie is awesome

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Poor pony… 🙁

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I just thought of that..

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Peeeusa!

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I’ll tattoo that on him for free

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    We need Science Man And Marty once a week

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I think it was very Jodorowsky

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I was going to go to Mecca but its so Hajj.

  • TapewormBike

    Time to watch Noah masturbate!

  • TapewormBike

    I third that. Yayaaa!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • instant relief

    Gesundheit!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Gesundheit 911
    Schadenfreude.

  • Cakefarts

    I found this episode entertaining – which was a surprise as I have not found other recent offerings similarly entertaining.

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    I can’t believe obscure sighs are so obscure

  • Jeff Parsons

    I really have to ask: why are you guys so offended by a naked woman? Are we so neutered by political correctness you can’t just appreciate something attractive? I mean, you leave the gore intact but put big black boxes over some fine ass 80’s titties, and moan the whole way through the scene? Just enjoy it, for the love of god.

  • I mean, what’s the problem? We’ve all been there – wanting to fuck our sisters and getting hookers to undergo plastic surgery so that they look like our sister and then fuck them.

  • The Eternal Return of the Worst.

  • It sounds like a knock off of that depressing ‘Mad World’ cover.

  • Earth

    Because Youtube.

  • Jaws

    you’re not from Arkansas by any chance are you

  • Earth

    It’s depressing that a cool Army of Darkness-esque illustration was wasted on Robert Ginty’s incest fetish.

  • 101 Wacky Film Jokes:
    Q: What is wrong with Kirk Douglas’s face?! Did he get stung by a bee?
    A: No, it’s just Robert Z’dar.

  • tOmy`

    Wes would pull it off!

    A bit off topic now, but since you are here: Thanks for the recommendation of Goose Goose HL commentary tracks, seen all 3 and had a blast.

  • tOmy`

    Tears For Fears version is also depressing. It’s the fucking 80s.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Hell even Gorge Lucas was more subtle in his Insest fetish.

  • tOmy`

    Team Blue.

    The only experimental movies I accept are F&F.

  • Team Green with a dash of Team Blue. I love both experimental stuff and terrible schlock if it’s done correctly – meaning so bad it’s good. Does that mean I’m team turquoise?

  • tOmy`

    Poland is the Arkansas of Europe.

  • We’re the Bible belt of Europe.

  • tOmy`

    You might be onto something:

    http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130502025140/starwars/images/7/7e/Geonosian_TLC.jpg

    Look at it! It even comes with its own fleshlight.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Arnt you all Catholic or Orthodox?
    Cause the bible belt is mostly Protestant and Evangelical. Totaly difrent fish.

  • I meant we’re really conservative.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I know! Mike calls people cunts but they wont even show a tit… WTF!?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Thats what i said.

  • tOmy`

    I don’t think Czech Evangelics are conservative. They are pretty open minded bunch, mostly drinking and being all philosophical and stuff.

    Also, their churches don’t look like an Indiana Jones treasure rooms.

  • bassbait

    No problem-o. It’s a shame the guy didn’t make anything else like it, but luckily Matthewmatosis is here to fill that void. I’m hoping I can make a video on the HL1 games some day but I’m finding myself very underwhelmed by the bare-bones story of the first half of HL1 right now, and hoping that the latter half of the game picks up a lot of the steam and gives me something to talk about, because so far the story is just “Gordon, go here then here then here and you’ll get to the lambda complex!”

    The gameplay is impeccable as always though. I think it’s probably more fun for me than DOOM, but I still think DOOM is better because it has a much lower skill floor, so you don’t have to be an avid gamer to enjoy it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    But I’m talking about Poland.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiCB2isZcRM

  • tOmy`

    I really think its a matter of the context. When the premise really looks like director’s dirty fantasy / homemade porn, I really feel bad for these women.

  • tOmy`

    I think it’s pretty much the same shit there when it comes to Evangelic church – I can be mistaken of course. It’s most of the others churches that make me wish there was a God, so they all end up in hell.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Let me just say when your ex is a born again you dont doubt god.
    Cause no court ever would give custody to a Male Atheist over a Female Christian.

  • TapewormBike

    Gushing blood rarely gives me an erection and makes my commute awkward. I mean, it happens, but still.

  • TapewormBike

    Amen

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    So say we all.

  • TapewormBike

    And also it’s his droopy ears.

  • TapewormBike

    Is it more OK or weirder to have an incest fantasy as an only child? Hmmmmm.

  • TapewormBike

    I know some cool Catholics as well. Although they might not be cool to some proper Catholicy Catholics that Catholic.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Both my sisters are Australian standard ‘Sexy Blonds.’
    Thats why i like black hair…. that and i’m a closet goth.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Dude, do you even Catholic!?

  • tOmy`

    Everyone is a closeted goth. I freaking love nail polish and eyeliners!

  • TapewormBike

    It might work that way, because my gf has like the same color of hair and eyes as I do and occasioanlly wears glasses. Shit, maybe I am a freak an don’t know it.

    And I am an only child.

  • TapewormBike

    Closeted my ass, you talk about MCR all the damn time.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I was trying to think of a MCR joke. you win.

  • tOmy`

    They weren’t that big on that stuff actually. It’s more of a Placebo influence, really.

    MCR was actually pretty colorful bunch towards the end: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTgnDLWeeaM

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Goth is the Cure to NiN. Emo is Placebo onwards.

  • tOmy`

    I hear this quite often, but Placebo were actually neo-glam. They just payed homage to oldschool glam-rock; hence their androgynous look, sexual lyrics and cross-dressing.

  • Amontillado

    We strike swift and hard. We are the Commentariot. We are many, we are strong.

  • Amontillado

    Wizard’s beard is doing a promo ad foe Magic the Gathering right now. It will be back soon.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Exactly! Its the transition from “I Hate the world.” To “I hate myself.”

  • Amontillado

    Helps if you have kids nearby. Their young livers are so fresh, they can handle anything!

  • Amontillado

    It’s just narcissism. You’re fine.

  • Bubs

    I fuck myself all the time. In fact, I’m doing it right now.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    GO FUCK YOURSELF!
    Oh, wait…..

  • tOmy`

    I guess, yea, it is hard to argue with the fact that Placebo were pretty fucking far from happy-go-lucky bunch. But I never got the properly depressive style from them – it’s just nihilistic, dirty, deranged, disconnected, cruel and cynical music.

    I always heard there is one tell tale sign of EMO: The quick shifts between whisper and screaming. But I really have no fucking clue. I just know that EMO became a popular insult to bands that never had anything to do with EMO and from there on it created this bizarre scene that has nothing to do with genres… it’s just… a thing.

  • TapewormBike

    People keep telling me that I should try it.

  • tOmy`

    It’s a refreshing kind of shame.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That sounds Emo to me….

  • Amontillado

    Keep on trucking!

  • Amontillado

    Not only sassy, but, “Meeeeooow!” Guess it comes with the territory of liking cats, but having allergies to them.

  • tOmy`

    I remember one “argument” with a friend of mine who just desperately tried to explain to me what EMO is; however, with the general “understanding” of EMO, you could pretty much say that Help and Yesterday by Beatles are EMO songs.

  • tOmy`

    Venture into the world where even Dorkly is desperately trying to sell us on that whole “Deadpool is gonna be great, guys” narrative:

    http://www.dorkly.com/post/74052/if-you-want-a-chimichanga-post-the-word-pterodactyl-in-the-comments#item-1

    So hilarious.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Goth is “I want to cut you and then cry about it.”
    Emo is “I cut myself and then i cry about it.”

  • Bubs

    Tristan Cooper’s profile pic was all I needed to know that his opinion was untrustworthy. Also, his name is Tristan. That’s strike two and three.

  • Amontillado

    There’s not enough puppies on this comment board: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yefLspYrYOg

  • So i just started playing Dark Souls and I am not that impressed. Everyone keeps telling me how wrong I am. What’s the deal?

  • tOmy`

    But… but… poop jokes! Do you remember shitting? Poop jokes.

    God, this movie will be the most disappointing thing since immigrants.

  • tOmy`

    It’s not for everyone. It is way too specific and way too hardcore (I assume).

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEF-DaMBFbU

    I am currently giving a try to Sunless Sea and This War of Mine and I am very happy. (Also, I am only few hundreds of hours away from finishing Rollercoaster Tycoon).

  • You ARE wrong, scrub. It isn’t impressive on a technical level, especially the PC port but once you get the hang of it it’s one of the best games ever. The combat requires quick thinking but also a strategic approach. Every mistake may cost you your life and it makes each victory better.

  • Amontillado

    You need puppies in your life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21vcOc7a6kA

  • Amontillado

    “Boys, we are officially dealing with….a fucking samsquanch. Looks like a ten footer by the looks of that stuff.”

    Saint Bubbles, 1372 AD

  • tOmy`

    Jesus, I wasn’t kidding, I just estimated how long is the RCT campaign:

    246 hours. And it is most likely few hours longer than my estimate. What a value.

  • Earth

    Very nice style of storytelling and world building.

  • Jaws

    TMI :p

  • Jaws

    hmm I thought Deadpool was a Dirty Harry movie

  • Earth

    That new Sam Smith song for James Bond is out NOW!

    http://www.nme.com/news/sam-smith/88561

  • No this is where I think the game fails the most. You just learn the patterns and repeat over and over again. Sure mistakes cost you but you just repeat over and over again. Getting to bosses is just grinding through low level thugs. Get to boss learn a few new moves and repeat. And get “better”. Over and over again. I see no point in playing if this is all I do. I would say that the game play is flawed.

  • I don’t think that it is hardcore. It’s a grinding game. Play most games on hard or nightmare mode and you get the same hardcore gaming as in DarkSouls. I don’t see what the deal is it’s a standard game that has no difficulty settings.

  • abort_user

    That’s a new one. I’ve never heard anyone mistake Placebo for emo. They’ve dabbled in a lot of genres. Most their early stuff is very post-punk. They’ve also always been very glam-rock, even in recent years. There’s definition a little of goth-rock in the mix, but not a whole lot. Their later albums trend more towards just simple alt-rock, with the occasional song that stands out differently.

    Also, NiN started in ’89. Placebo started in ’94. Both still have very active careers. NiN also isn’t goth. I could see how you might stretch it to calling them “post-goth” if there was such a genre. Maybe, momentarily confused Mr Reznor with that band he made famous, Marilyn Manson. There’s some goth musical influence in a lot of their work.

  • tOmy`

    Beats me, mate, I never tried it. I watched speedruns, playthroughs and some commentaries but that is the only “experience” I had with the game. And I am pretty sure I wouldn’t like it that much.

    Not saying its a bad game tho, just not up my alley.

  • abort_user

    Oh now I get it… kinda. I wouldn’t call My Chemical Romance emo though. many do, but it’s usually used as a pejorative by those unfamiliar with emo. MCR has a very posthardcore sound.

    Emo is more something like Sunny Day Real Estate. It’s also not really about hating the world or hating oneself. Emo songs are more about basic feelings, most commonly feeling insecure in some abstract manner. The bands that did the whole “I hate myself” thing were those in the grunge movement. Kurt Kobain being the king of self-loathing, and sadly put his money where his mouth was when it came to the his very suicide-heavy lyrics.

  • abort_user

    “Gushing blood rarely gives me an erection”

    if only William Dafoe’s character from Antichrist uttered those lines!

  • tOmy`

    There is a problem with putting a label on any good artist (and yes, I am calling Manson a good artist).

    When people think of MM, they usually forget about all his sleazy, slow songs. I think the best way labels you can throw onto Manson are shock-rock, hard-rock and industrial rock. There is gonna be also at least one “death” and “metal” genre in it somewhere. Funnily enough, his latest albums are his own version of homage to David Bowie – quite interestingly a person he sees as his big influence.

    Same goes with NIN. I would definitely use the “industrial” label for “them”, altough this music branches out to many different genres, especially electronica (that could be viewed as a part of industrial anyway) and metal. But then you have borderline experimental, progressive and ambient stuff. And then you have Hesitation Marks that have been praised for a lot of jazz influence.

    Strictly speaking: It is a mayhem with all the good stuff out there, so in the case of these two, I just put the “industrial” label on them.

  • tOmy`

    MCR are basically considered EMO because during their most famous phase (Black Parade), they were wearing what could be considered an emo clothing and used very heavy black-and-white imagery, while singing about death.

    However, that wasn’t reflecting their specific genre, rather than the “story” of the album – cancer and the Black Parade. It is also way too cynical, for shits and giggles, obnoxious and tongue in cheek for an actual EMO genre. That is usually way more “serious”.

  • abort_user

    The return of Scientist Man! I always enjoy bits with his character. He’s a great example of how to do a one joke character right. Put that character in related but different situations.

    Also, does anyone know where I can get one of those giant flasks? I really want one. It would be so much fun carrying that conspicuously large things around and taking drinks from it at inopportune times.

  • tOmy`

    Sam Smith also currently admitted to thinking that Mexico was in Germany.

  • tOmy`
  • abort_user

    Oh okay. That’s both more understandable and more baffling. The Black Parade is probably their most posthardcore album (at least of the one’s I’ve heard, I’m unsure if they have anything past Danger Days).

    It also shows how the word “emo” even then was something completely different than what emo ever was. I mean, emo kids weren’t always the most fashion conscious, but you would see some of their listeners wearing more pinks and other bright colors. Black and white, not so much. I think about the only constant is both emo and whatever the hell gets called emo to day is, both were a weirdly preoccupied with the way their hair looked. Emo haircut means about the same thing today as way back then.

  • tOmy`

    Well, people also called them Nazis, because the Black Parade uniforms reminded them of SS uniforms. People are paying way too much attention to what artist / audience is wearing and then draw some conclusions out of it.

    I think the most obvious case was always the “baggy clothes, caps and DC shoes” constantly viewed as “hip hop clothing”, despite the fact that these clothes are designed to make skaters comfortable. And I don’t think hip hop was ever that popular within the skater scene.

    And regarding EMO bands: I think the only band I listen to from time to time and would consider EMO is Brand New.

  • abort_user

    Yeah, if they weren’t popular with kids while wearing Nazi-esque attire no one would have cared that much. I mean even when bands like Marilyn Manson were doing it was already a cliche. But at that time none of them had such broad appeal to kids. It also doesn’t help MCR toured with a lot of bands who identified as emo. I think MCR doesn’t consider themselves emo either.

    Brand New. They’re one of my favorites. Their first 2 albums are very emo. The later two feel natural progressions to emo. Not quite emo, but not quite a sort of “post-emo” either. They’re also the only emo band to incorporate screaming (which is always confused as something emo songs have for some reason) naturally into their songs… And even then it’s used sparingly, not as a focus like *shudders* screamo.

    I don’t listen to much emo. Mostly Sunny Day Real Estate and Brand New. Also, The Wrens, who are kind of hard to classify, but I see the listed as emo or emo-pop a lot. I can see that. Though I don’t think it really does their music justice though. They’re definitely a far cry from MCR or whatever bands today masquerade as emo.

  • abort_user

    OMG! Thank you! You are my hero. And about $11 too. Definitely an instant buy.

  • Glyph Wright

    What really deserved to be destroyed was the sick incest fantasy softcore porn shitfest. RLM just preserved a malignant tumor in the metaphysical fabric of humanity because they were too bored watching a lame experimental thriller.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    Is that Ben Prunty music? Forgive the spelling, but the guy behind FTL?

  • Scott B. Smith

    I’m also a fan of Scientist Man.

  • Scott B. Smith

    I had a similar joke in mind, but decided to scroll through the comments so I wouldn’t repeat it. 🙂

  • Milton Dammers

    The romantic chemistry in this episode set my screen on fire. God damn you love birds Mike and Rich!

  • Scott B. Smith

    I’d hoped it was “Obscure Size.” Finally, a band that gets my sad search for pants that fit.

  • Jaws

    *panties

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    The blatant continuity errors in the final fight in Future War are fantastic.

  • Scott B. Smith

    No, I meant pants. My panties are in fairly standard sizes.

    Wait….

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’d also add amazing gameplay and atmosphere.

  • Scott B. Smith

    Good job on this one, RLM; one of the most enjoyable of the last few episodes.

  • abort_user

    Oh I completely agree. I, too, appreciate Manson as both a lyricist and a musician. His talents can be overshadowed by his theatrics. Most people don’t even realize he can play a few different instruments and contributes to quite a few different songs. I know one song he wrote entirely by himself (not their best though). Manson is the only original member but he’s worked with a lot of very talented people. Berkowitz was a great metal guitarist. John5 is a guitar god who can easily play most any genre and has been part of many legendary bands. I know he even was in Lynard Skynard for a while. And though not technically a member, Trent Reznor, is credited to quite a few songs on their first two albums.

    Definitely very Bowie. Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids, Omega and the Mechanical Animals, liken to Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. Plus ME borrowed drew from that glam rock sound from that era of Bowie. He borrowed Bowie’s multi-album rock opera story line idea which continued into Aladdin Sane, but made it a reverse chronological triptych. He took Bowie’s androgynous image he was known for a stripped it of clothes and sex organs. I think he wears a colored contact in one eye because Bowie’s eye color didn’t match. He also reinvents himself and his sound every few years which Bowie’s been since the 60’s and he’s still around. It takes a lot of talent to change your musical style all the time. And that in itself highlights another area genre groupings fail. Many artists regularly break genre classifications by jumping from one to another, but still retaining something uniquely them. Bowie, Radiohead, Manson, Muse just a few. And you even have bands like Ween who put out a country album for the sheer absurdity, but even their other albums are could probably be more grouped together in an anti-genre than fitting any pre-existing one. And bands like My Morning Jacket seem to exist in some nebulous gray area between several genres, but don’t quite fit in just one, nor do they seem to fuse two together. I think the only genre you can define concretely is mathrock.

  • tOmy`

    Rant #1: Regarding Prometheus 2 Alien: Paradise Lost

    Do you remember the time when Ridley was trying to convince everyone that Prometheus won’t have anything to do with Alien and that it is not a prequel story? Remember that shit? Not only did you then, my dear fraud, shoved in as many references to Alien as possible, but you also showed us a fucking alien in the movie. A movie, that was essentially a fucking origin story of Aliens as a species (which is basically what prequel is). Or something about the black goo. What the fuck?

    But you know, OK, I was on board. Pissed, but on board. We could maybe take these aliens as you know… a distant cousin, perhaps, because they are not extraterrestrial but inter-dimensional or some biblical nonsense you are currently trying to hammer with that fucking title.

    But despite all your claims, you are now calling the sequel of “That Movie That Doesn’t Have to Do Anything With That Franchise” by the franchise’s name? Ugh!

    Do you, Ridley, honestly think that we are that stupid that we won’t notice this giant middlefinger that you dangle in front of us from the crane above the silver screen?

  • tOmy`

    Rant #2: Regarding that Blade Runner sequel we have all been waiting for

    I really do hope that the movie starts with a close up of an unicorn’s butthole (instead of eye) and the camera slowly goes through it as we witness a big, massive quote in full fucking 3D saying:

    “I was a replicant” – Deckard

    And then kicks off with a big battle over the most amazing CGI city we have ever witnessed, because today’s computers are much betterer. At what point did we ask for this? At what point did anyone normal wanted to have a sequel? I mean fuck, I might not be in the majority here, because I never wanted any answer to the replicant / human question – for me, the movie was always more about the “But then again, who does?” line, rather than crap. But holy shit, out of all the unnecessary sequels, this one is taking a fucking cake.

    Rants over. Needed to blow off some of the frustration before getting to work. Proceed.

  • Johnny Rodrigues

    I guess that second movie really was that jarring…

  • DrClown

    Isn’t gushing blood exactly what gives everyone an erection?

  • Earth

    Anyone can make that mistake. Mariachi bands are basically the same thing as lederhosen wearing German bands.

  • Earth

    These rants are beautiful. Keep ’em comin’.

  • Ridley is a visual film director. He did his job to make the movie look cool and have good pacing. Blame the “Lost” guy for writing Prometheus into a corner.

  • I think it could work if they set it in the same world without any of the characters. Just a simple Sci-fi story with mild philosophical undertones. It would be great if the philosophical undertones had a point to make, though.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Remember that time Weyland-Yutani hired Paul Reiser (a purported comedian) to go on an away mission, yet Bill Paxton stole the whole comic show? Somehow it worked. That’s what I think about Prometheus. For years n years n years everybody says “Ridley, what’s with the Space Jockey?” or “who’s the Space Jockey?” or “WTF is a Space Jockey, Ridley?”

    So he finally gives us a hint of a Space Jockey, and everybody loses their goddamned minds.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    They should bring back the Tri-Star Pegasus, which leads into the ending scene from AI. Then Haley Joel Osment grows up to be Deckard.

  • tOmy`

    I wasn’t trying to make any point in regard of the movie itself. Just the aura surrounding it.

    With coherent script without shocking leaps of logic the movie would work just fine.

  • Michael Collins

    I think Ripley scott shoulda been Newtered!

    RipLEEEEEEEEE

  • tOmy`

    Maybe these people will realize what kind of fans this movie has and they won’t try to pander too much to “us”.

    And Vangelis will be there to the rescue as well.

    But that doesn’t change the fact that they are doing a sequel to this particular movie. If they have a new simple sci-fi story with mild philosophical undertones, than I am sure they can do a different movie.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    No, they will drag old-man Harrison Ford to this one too.

  • tOmy`

    “Are you a replicant?”
    “Part time.”

  • TapewormBike

    Date?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I have never seen Prometheus, but I keep reading that Ridley Scott says that Jesus was a Space Jockey/Engineer. I thought Jesus was a sexy, little, black girl. But anyways, was Jesus a 8 foot tall marble-statue-guy. like those in Prometheus, or an even bigger Space Jockey, like that one from Alien? That must have been a pretty big cross the romans made that one time.

  • TapewormBike

    Yes, Bubs – Tell More Information! FFS

  • Jaws

    couldn’t be much worse than the original, which is extremely over rated ;p

  • TapewormBike

    Shots fired! At you. From my “you’re wrong because I think so” gun

  • instant relief

    This time your massive tits won’t save you, asshole. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGVz9zoWNrQ

  • tOmy`

    I am not sure, because as the old fuck in that movie said: “There is no God / There is nothing” or something along these lines about 5 seconds after a God / Something broke his spine, I am not sure what the movie wanted to tell me.

  • tOmy`

    Over-hyped? Maybe.

    Overrated? Nope.

  • Jaws

    the movie is the definition of pretentious

  • TapewormBike

    (cough cough). I don’t think this place is big enough for two people posting puppies.

  • TapewormBike

    No it’s not, the fans are and Rutger Hauer is for improvising that one line.

  • tOmy`

    “Pretentious” is honestly one of the few terms I wouldn’t use to describe this movie even if I was nitpicking.

    Boring? Maybe.

  • TapewormBike

    Next you people are gonna tell me someone finds 2001 boring and pretentious. Yeesh.

  • tOmy`

    The only pretentious thing in that one was the space baby and they was it pretended to be 80 hours long.

  • Jaws

    2001 is the most boring movie ever made lol, but HAL was a good idea

  • dollar store cashier wife

    ‘best movie ever made

    I do agree with you on BR tho.

  • TapewormBike

    You are the villain we need

  • tOmy`

    Meh. I dunno.

    When you start paying attention to how that movie looks, the boredom quickly transforms into fascination. And in that regard, the slow pacing helps.

  • tOmy`

    Overrated and pretentious?

  • TapewormBike

    I know, right. The moon section gives you some time to get a semi going.

  • Jaws

    star trek the motion picture, though considered boring by the majority, is actually better than 2001

  • tOmy`

    Absolutely. Just the opening shot of the universe is… *shivers*.

    But yea, it is a hard movie to get to and needs a requires a specific mindset – but when all that comes together, it is pretty freaking unparalleled experience.

  • TapewormBike

    It’s a movie about the fascination with space and our place in it, so it requires the viewer to share it.

  • TapewormBike

    Bald chicks make everything better

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Kinda. I admire the technical craftsmanship of BR-it’s the script and the way it’s presented that amounts to jack shit.

  • tOmy`

    I simply won’t agree with that, sorry. Just the level of craft begs to differ.

    But hey, we all have our own particular tastes and opinions. And I understand how BR / 2001 can be very polarizing.

  • Jaws

    yes they do lol she is hot

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Saw it in theatre earlier this year. Probably the best way to see it(unless you add drugs to it)

  • tOmy`

    That is why I think I would maybe allow the “overhyped” critique. It is far from the smartest shit ever as many people claim.

    But for me it will always be a little masterpiece.

  • TapewormBike

    I wonder if the new BR can replicate the succes. AHAAAA!

  • tOmy`

    I never had a chance and it makes me a very sad cheerleader.

  • tOmy`

    Maybe in the post-advanced alternatively-final cut.

  • TapewormBike

    Was it ever in Projekt 100? I honestly don’t remember. Saw Koyaanisqatsi like that.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I just keep picturing this marble giant walking around in the middle-east, and people going “something’s not normal with that guy”.

  • Jaws

    Robert Wise is no slouch

  • tOmy`

    Not sure, man. But it is shown quite often in our local cinema unsurprisingly called Art.

    It is a very artful place, you can bring beer into the theater from the adjacent bar.

  • Jaws

    yeah it is trippy

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I am reminded of HiTB review of Interstellar and critique of how all those amazing space shots don’t linger for so much as an extra second. The slow pace is really beneficial for 2001-it’s at least 50% of the sucess of why the movie has such an unparalleled atmosphere.

    “A film is – or should be – more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what’s behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later.”

    That’s right Stanley!

  • TapewormBike

    There is no art without beer.

  • tOmy`

    “The theme, what’s behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later, when you take 5 tokes from BC kush and watch that wormhole sequence on repeat.”

  • They should start with the classic rainy, neon nudle eating scene.

    “I used to be a replicant, now I just don’t know. Somebody has been fumbeling with the script and I had to find out who.”

    *actor looks into camera*

    “I had a clue, a name. Ridley.”

    *thunder roars*

  • TapewormBike

    “I have your answers” you hear from behind him, in a thick Austrian accent….

  • Jaws

    the movie looks good, but, it is one of the worst screenplays ever put to screen, your brain while watching blade runner is constantly yelling at the screen, why, how, did you fuck this up, this is NOT the best way to tell this fucking story, hence why it had to have a narrator when it first came out, because nobody knew what the fuck was going on. its almost as if it was the same director as prometheus..oh…

  • “He used to be a governor of sorts. Called himself the Fuerer. I didn’t care. As long as I could get answers.”

    *quickly finishes nudles and stands up*

    Deckard “Ready to go?”

    Austrian mystery man: “Ich verstehe nicht!”

    Deckard “Street talk, that’s what they call it. I used to talk it to. Now I’m not sure. Who wrote this script?*

    *heavy rain starts pooring*

    *the two figures walk into mist and vanish*

    *thunder roars*

  • Jaws

    Robert Wise is better ;p

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Ridley Scott ruined his movie by stating publicly that Deckard was a “Replicant”. The real question now is was he a Nexus 5 or 6

  • tOmy`

    I think the narration was actually a part of the “noir” style, but I may be wrong.

  • Jaws

    it is, but harrison ford was half asleep while doin it lol

  • tOmy`

    @dscw: After all the ranting (and a fucking idiot mowing lawn at 7pm on a Friday night) I found something very soothing:

    https://consequenceofsound.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/radiohead-3.jpg

    That is the latest photo from current LP9 recording set to be released this fall.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    By “the most amazing CGI city we have ever witnessed” don’t you mean Coruscant?

  • tOmy`

    Well, maybe, but it didn’t have lava in it.

    Although it did have those gamey violet laser-electro somethings.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    After watching Prometheus 4 times I’ll never watch it again. Those Quipnars just did not Glog…

  • tOmy`

    Oh my Rich, I am so sorry. You know, after replying to your post, I suddenly realized that typing “Coruscant lava” into Google might yield some results.

    I therefore apologize for the misleading information. There is lava on Coruscant.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    This was a great BotW! Back to true form, sans Jessi sadly….

  • tOmy`

    As far as I am concerned, you could be very well talking about the actual biology of Prometheus and I wouldn’t tell a difference.

  • Jaws

    them leaf blower machine things are worse

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “This fall”

    I like your optimism!

  • Trask

    Nonsense! Spelling everything out, makes it better. It´ll be great.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    the dialogue will all be done as a voiceover.

  • tOmy`

    Actually, these photos came from Robert Ziegler (collaborator on TKOL), “proving” that album is in the final recording phase and as promised, it should hit the airways this fall.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I agree with Mike. I like my SciFi long, slow and boring. just how i like sex.

  • instant relief

    I hope zer will be camps in the future, ja! Excuse mein predictable Nazi jokes!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Ebay. US$20.

  • instant relief

    Deckard will travel to the Nexus and team up with Picard and Kirk.

  • instant relief

    Ja! JAAA!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    i thought that was ‘Death List.’

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    That actually sounds like something Marvel comics would come up with..

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I love that you and tOmy had a serious, intelligent and thought provoking conversation about musical genres based on a silly joke i made.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Q: Are you standing next to a block of wood?
    A: No its Nicolas Cage.

  • Palpatine

    I’m starting to think that she’s never coming back.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Stop saying fucking FALL!!!
    ITS CALLED FUCKING AUTUMN YOU SEPPO LOVER!
    sorry…. its 3am, no its 4… thats not good.

  • instant relief

    Call me in case your Fourth Reich needs a new leader.

    I have another one of those hilarious german play on words for you: driver’s license means Führerschein. And everyone got one in Germany. Just think about that for a second.

  • Like Icare

    That must have been a pretty big cross the romans made that one time.

    Which would explain the overabundance of the fragments of the “true cross” and all those extra parts of the crown of thorns.
    FINALLY! IT ALL MAKES SENSE! QUICK! GET ME THE POPE!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    If you want to Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Australia?… just stand around Canberra long enough and they will offer you the job, we change PM’s twice a week.

  • Like Icare

    I blame them both.

    One for being a talentless hack who can’t write his way out of a paper bag, the other for being TOO DAMN suggestive and visual.
    Scott will create great SCENES from even a shittiest script. He visualizes the awesome and brings it to the screen.
    But if there is no story to connect those scenes… well…

  • Like Icare

    Scroll down. There are links to that one and even bigger ones.

  • instant relief

    Sounds lovely I’m booking my flight right now!

  • RPK

    Creepy is such a lame adjective.

  • tOmy`

    Just before the scene ends, a street merchant / beggar starts playing a sleazy, soulful solo on a saxophone and we see a woman coming from around the corner. She wears a black dress and a lipstick as red as her lush hair. She smokes a cigarette.

    She blows some smoke into a pouring rain and whispers to herself: “I wish I could tell you, Deckard. But not yet… not yet.”

  • *Dark Horse Comics

  • tOmy`

    Half Life and Portal movies: Rumoured by Gabe Newell and J.J Abrams

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGHGDJHSJHDSJHBDJHSBJHDBJh

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Earth

    How would those even work? Both Gordon Freeman and Chell are mute.

  • It would be a silent film… or kind of like those POV porn movies.

  • tOmy`

    It’s gonna be great.

    Just like Assassin’s Creed, Watch Dogs, Warcraft, Angry Birds (WHAT?) and whatever else is coming next year.

    Most likely Pixels 2.

  • Earth

    Can we have a Half Life black and white silent movie? That would be amazing.

  • Earth

    Assassin’s Creed could be done right, if you just replace the characters and story.

  • tOmy`

    Oh come on, how could this possibly fail?

    You just have to build massive sets of real cathedrals, houses and whole cities for actual parkour to even take place and then just make everyone forget the batshit insane sci-fi twist that is about to happen; you know, that twist that anyone who is likely to go and see that movie already knows about.

    It’s flawless.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Buy a green sheet and Andy Serkis. its cheaper.

  • Earth

    We’ll cast Tom Cruise. He does his own stunts. I wanna see him parkour the shit out of St Mark’s Basilica.

  • tOmy`

    You see, that’s the thing – I honestly don’t believe you can pull off parkour with green screen.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Andy can do anything with enough green screen.

  • Earth

    How about instead of making movies that nobody cares about, why don’t they, I dunno, make Half Life 3 or something?

  • tOmy`

    To avoid the obvious joke about Valve not being able to count to 3, let’s just say they might have gone the Blizzard way.

  • Earth

    Making multiplayer hats?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Forget about it. You’re not gonna see it in your lifetime.

  • Smegman

    I think they broke up. So sad… Jessi makes my old hairy balls pulse.

  • tOmy`

    The “waiting game” scenario.

    Just as Diablo 3 became a punchline till it finally happened (with one of the best marketing stunts ever imo), Half Life 3 is now in the punchline territory as well.

    And I am pretty sure that once a teaser gets released, the internet will explode yet again.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Those rumors are always around

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    HL2 ep2 has the most “fuck you-ish” cliffhanger ending ever

  • tOmy`

    The thing is that we used to joke about games being a next “thing” in Hollywood (or a second revival of this “thing”) and seeing the current lineup of movies, it is happening.

    And against all the logic, Half Life is gonna one of the best, if not the best cashgrab.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Many great things will happen, so “Wake up and smell the ashes”

  • What a complete waste of time. WHERE is my Steve Jobs’esc movie starring a fat version of Ashton Kutcher as Gabe Newell? That’s what we really want.

  • tOmy`

    Hundred bucks say that Half Life 3 marketing will start with street-art performance – Lambda symbol graffiti appearing in major cities.

    And I would be fine with that. I honestly would.

  • Earth

    I think there shouldn’t be any marketing. At all. Just release the game without any press. The internet will have a heart attack.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Maybe Rich sexual magnetism was just too much for Jessi. She was torn between to RLM hunks

  • Earth

    I’m not obsessed with it or anything, but when I hear about Half Life the movie and Half Life the virtual reality simulator, I can’t help thinking that maybe Valve might have a more productive way of spending their time.

  • Earth

    It’s amazing that we live in a world where an incest porn movie wasn’t chosen to be destroyed.

  • tOmy`

    They are busy chocking on cash. I bet that when the push comes to shove, they will put rights to Half Life movie to Steam for the highest bidder and then just go on about their business of designing new hats and thinking whether Left 4 Dead 3 shouldn’t come out first anyway.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I would help with that campaign

  • Smegman

    Or Mike is just Plinkett’s character and she had enough of those pizza rolls.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Well the “Jar” is mind snuff-porn

  • marko112kg

    I made bad odd short films when I was a teenager but The Jar makes me look like fucking Kubrick.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Like they did with Half Life, although they were unknown as a company back then

  • Buk Pravon

    Could work… if I direct it. B)

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Maybe Mike and Jessi are having a baby. I just hope Mike doesn’t light it on fire

  • Earth

    If they don’t call the kid Sammy I’ll be very disappointed.

  • Smegman

    The RLM guys have a big opportunity in their hands now: to produce a spoof of “The Jar”. The plot would be about a large human-sized stupid rabbit trapped inside a jelly jar. That’d be called “The JAR-JAR”.

  • Palpatine

    That sounds like something George Lucas would make.

  • Smegman

    Definitely. And produced by Rick Whatshisface. Every frame would be so dense.

  • Palpatine

    Rick Berman?

  • Smegman

    Rick McCallum Culkin

  • Smegman

    WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAAAACE?

  • Smegman

    Not that much. They’re a power trio created by Jean-Michel Jarre, Yanni and Kitaro, now on tour in North Korea. Little Kim loves the Sighs.

  • Smegman

    At this point I think they’ve learned to be cool about fire safety

  • TapewormBike

    The urinal cake is a lie!

  • Smegman

    He misses Jessi. So do I.

  • Ted Pringles

    I remember thinking “who the fuck is that guy?” and then half way through I realized The Wizard must have shaved his face.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I thought it was the Ghost of Dom DeLuise. “Now watch. me. faggots!”

  • Ogrot

    Well… It couldn’t be as bad as the Phantom Menace at least.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Believe me, the only one who was fucking Kubrick was the NSA. Right, moon landing crew?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I finally saw the whole episode whilst receiving the most luxuriant massage. The only pain I felt was in my eyes and ears.

  • TapewormBike

    I never really played them, but – the story kinda seems like a boring clichéy thingy?

  • tOmy`

    You just reminded me yet another reason for these movies not to exist.

    But you can keep on liking my stuff on FB, it makes my life more valid.

  • tOmy`

    Fuck Moon, Pluto is where it’s at these days.

    That planet is the dopest shit around. Sigh… except Uranus. (Had to go there, this post wouldn’t feel complete without it.)

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Upon hearing this, GLaDOS installed a new module called “flicking bean.”

  • tOmy`

    “The Lens Flare Core”

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah, OK, but you could also finally put up that you’re in a relationship with me. Sad face.

  • tOmy`

    What would all the fratboys think?!

    [whisper]
    *sssssh* Hey! Play along, mkay?
    [/whisper]

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You know what? I’d love it if we just said fuck it and called Pluto “Dolan” instead. We already denigrated and demoted it.

  • TapewormBike

    I am just glad you confirmed it’s you, while everything suggested you are, I still thought maybe I was found by another weirdo.

  • TapewormBike

    Or Disney presents Pluto, the littlest planet

  • tOmy`

    Eventough I wish Disney would go for that idea because of:

    http://www.flwlib.org/images/blog/1/From%20Pluto%20with%20Love.jpg

    It would suck because they wouldn’t be able to use this:

    http://www.weknowawesome.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/dear-nasa-pluto.jpg

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    You mean Mr Kunis?

  • tOmy`

    Just one look at my FB would confirm it for you:

    Pseudo SJW posts? Check.
    Random music spam? Check.
    Wire reference? Check.
    A picture I even sent to Omie on this very webzone? Check.

    For a mass-murdering person, you sure do have some catching up to do with internet stalking.

  • TapewormBike

    This whole “friends” thing is totally confusing to me.

  • tOmy`

    It’s pretty simple: Block that shit and befriend The Onion to remain calm in the face of… Face… book.

  • Bubs

    They must really love to test… my sanity.

  • tOmy`

    “You just keep on trying till you run out of cake” will become the new staple for sequels.

  • TapewormBike

    The Martian seems to be getting pretty good buzz. Maybe because it was adapted by Drew Goddard and not Damnit Lindelof.

    So, it’s not as bad as The Jar, probably.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    At this point I can barely believe ridley still works with good scrips.

  • tOmy`

    Whatever. I ain’t taking my rants down.

    I am granting that movie a benefit of a doubt tho, the trailer made me a bit excited (at least some parts of it).

  • TapewormBike

    The book is pretty awesome. Not as awesome as it think it is, but still.

  • tOmy`

    Enough with this literature crap! The only book that deserves reading is Fahrenheit 451… get it?

    This joke is neither as awesome as it thinks it is.

  • TapewormBike

    Sick burn.

    No, you’re not making sense!

  • tOmy`

    We are pretty bad with this intellectual humor.

    Back to pie memes.

  • TapewormBike

    Too high brow, let’s poop our pants and laugh.

  • Pulp

    You guys should watch more Frenchmen films to harden; you’d be like, “Oh a incest scene”.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of shit that sucks: The first bad reviews for Sam Smith’s James Bond theme are in!

    “Writing’s on the Wall makes the mistake of trying to be a normal song”

    It’s gonna be great.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’m gonna give it a benefit of the doubt too…because I saw The Counselor and Exodus in theatre and this can’t possibly be worse…right? GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF MY ASS WALLET MR.SCOTT!

  • TapewormBike

    All I remember is that one Bertolucci movie set in Paris. Not that one.

  • tOmy`

    And people wonder why I don’t watch that many movies. That shit hurts.

  • Amontillado

    When the fuck did you post puppies and why was I not notified!?!!?!

  • Amontillado

    What you do with your sister is between you and your sister. Do not drag the Commentariot into your incest sessions!

  • Amontillado

    I was going to go with the love child of Orson Welles and a naked mole rate, but after you mentioned it, I double checked. Indeed, it is the Wizard.

  • Amontillado

    More like Turkish Lucas amirite?

  • This a thing. calavera.itch.io/fire-dance-with-me

  • Amontillado

    “Pluto is a planet, seee:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNtTylNR7ks

  • tOmy`

    Oh come on, some of us have to work. This is way too great.

  • tOmy`

    That movie mad me stop eating bread with butter.

  • Amontillado

    “Ricky can handle one thought at a time…you start throwing 2 or 3 at him…it’s a fucking train wreck.”

    Emperor Bubbles of Kittopia, Protector of Pussies; 568 AD

  • tOmy`

    How would you go about it?

  • TapewormBike

    Well, you don’t shit where you eat.

  • bassbait

    oh my god that’s the best thing ever. Look at Lynch go!!!

  • tOmy`

    I had to quickly re-check, but it’s not on any t-shirt page I like.

    I think someone should honestly design a t-shirt that just says “Last Tango In Paris” and a drawing of a butter below.

  • bassbait

    nothing makes you look like Kubrick. Although to be honest, Rich is starting to resemble Kubrick a bit. Coincidence? Or CONSPIRACY?!?

  • TapewormBike

    “I Last Tangoed in Paris and I all got was anal rape with butter”

  • Amontillado

    I don’t know how deep in the internets you have traveled, and the horrors you have seen, but this makes it all worth it.

  • tOmy`

    “Out of butter? You can always tongue-go in Paris”

  • Destructoid.

  • Amontillado

    Like pigs? Getting raped by a stranger while apartment hunting?

    Come to Paris and meet Marlon Brondo in person!

  • Amontillado

    Now you made me sad and everyone on here sad, thanks a lot. Jerk.

  • bassbait

    It is the least boring movie ever made. The *most boring* is probably The Avengers, which couldn’t keep my attention for even 3 seconds.

  • TapewormBike

    The Danish Girl looks like an OK drama, but I was really hoping for a film exploring one man’s journey to become a sweet pastry.

  • Amontillado

    Looks like a more, “serious,” version of Newgrounds.

  • Amontillado

    Somebody went to art school, meow!

  • Amontillado

    Glad your back boobs, we missed ya!

  • TapewormBike

    The home of one and only Jonathan Holmes. How brown is he? Lightly.

  • What you’re describing is Delicatessen.

  • bassbait

    I keep missing chances to see 2001 and The Shining in theaters, but I saw Dr. Strangelove in theaters for the 50 year anniversary and damn it’s fucking good. It got funnier when I watched it with a crowd, even though I laughed at parts that nobody else caught as being funny.

  • TapewormBike

    COINS-PIRACY!

  • The son of Boston. I’m not even sure if he works there anymore. I haven’t seen an article posted by him in ages. He only appears with this weekly segment Sup Holmes.

  • Like Icare

    Not as awesome as it think it is

    Yeah… That.

    I read bits of it. After currents of the internet fed me that “The Egg” crap from the same author.
    Fuck, is that guy full of himself.
    It’s like wall to wall that “Blackgyver” joke from The Losers – only that movie knew that it was a bad joke.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QouwnutvfQ

    As for the moopie… I have a baaaad feeling that it will annoy me tremendously.
    While everyone will just fall over themselves while falling over themselves giving both Scott and Weir blowjobs.
    So they will produce more crap. Yay.

    And then we’ll be going through the whole “Why is THIS prequel/sequel to his old movie so shit?” thing. Again.

  • TapewormBike

    I thought he became the editor, like the chief? I know he stopped podding with Jim and Konrad because of his mental hospital job, but then I heard he’s in charge over there.

  • bassbait

    2001 is the best work of art ever and nothing else even comes close. As for BR, I don’t think I’ve seen it since I was like 3 years old. My dad is a huge sci-fi fan and I was raised on Alien, Predator, Fifth Element, Dune, Star Wars, etc etc. Empire Strikes Back and Terminator 2 were my favorite films growing up until I saw 2001 and then sci-fi as a genre was ruined for me, just like what Ridley Scott said.

  • I think he stepped down a few months ago.

  • TapewormBike

    There’s always that brothel and saloon he can open at his house, with cereal boxes as the bar and straws for pipes.

  • Like Icare

    Note to self: Add asking to have Pluto renamed to Uncle Dolan to both the “If I ever become the king of the world” and “If I ever accidentally save the world and get offered whatever I want as a thank you token” lists.

  • Don’t forget the picture of Willem Dafoe on the wall with him saying ‘hey kids, wanna die?’

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah, as I said, the author is definitely stroking it right in your face most of the time, but, hey, vacation reading.

  • tOmy`

    Someone should bite the asshole bullet here and break it to you:

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/208650/leland-dance-laura-palmer-o.gif

  • TapewormBike

    God I loved that podcast when it wasn’t about videogames, which was most of the time.

  • bassbait

    I directed “The Jar”.

  • Like Icare

    Mass-murdering means you don’t have to be exactly correct in your stalking.
    Eventually, statistics start working in your favor.

  • TapewormBike

    #1 Dad

  • Number one lover.

  • bassbait

    not gonna lie, I didn’t think of it as Leland. It looks like David Lynch to me, but I guess that’s what happens when you have Atari 2600 graphics.

    At least the log still looked like a log.

  • TapewormBike

    Both.

  • How is it that whatever we talk about in this comment section we always come back to incest? We’re staying way too much on topic for some reason.

  • TapewormBike

    Well, I do like to think about most of you as my brothers…

  • tOmy`

    “No. Fucking. Pattern. No, honestly, dipshit. No. Fucking. Pattern.”

    – Rules for Homicidal Maniacs 101

  • Like Icare

    It’s a gift that keeps on giving they say.

  • tOmy`

    Without the “head-grab” and the wailing, it would be almost impossible to guess. The hair doesn’t fit either.

  • TapewormBike
  • tOmy`

    That title is reserved for Eminem. He loves his little Hailie, okay?

    Look at her, all little, helpless and inno-

    http://assets-s3.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/articles/84471-eminems-daughter-hailie-19-is-gorgeous-see-her-all-grown-up-photo/1426630849_hailiee-mathers-zoom.jpg

    Holy fuck. We are getting old.

  • TapewormBike

    I feel weird about this, lemme Google for a sec..

    “..graduated High School..”

    Hot as fuck

  • tOmy`

    I would love to be a sweet pastry to this lady:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUbg5fg9SdU

  • TapewormBike

    Don’t even, that’s my worst “still haven’t watched it” thing. Armando Iannucci is a genius.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, man. Remember when she was “too young to understand” and “daddy’s little angel”?

    I think now she is old enough to understand that she could be my little angel.

  • TapewormBike

    As in dead in your attic?

  • tOmy`

    I dunno, man. On the off chance that Eminem is an RLM fan, let’s just say that I would invite her for an ice-cream and talk to in the park.

    I heard she knows that her daddy is a soldier.

    Ha. Eminem puns. Can do it all day.

  • TapewormBike

    Yeah, I probably won’t underSTANd any of them.

  • bassbait

    I’m only just now watching Twin Peaks for the first time in the past month or so, and I haven’t even gotten more than an episode into season 2 yet which is when Leland’s hair turns white.

    Funny that I’m like *the* David Lynch fan and yet I haven’t even watched Twin Peaks, or for that matter, Elephant Man or Wild at Heart. Or Straight Story but I don’t think anyone cares too much about that one.

  • TapewormBike

    I liked Straight Story, like a lot.

  • tOmy`

    Accidentally, I listened to that one at least 4 times today. One of the best lyrics in the game.

    The man is a genius.

  • TapewormBike

    And Dildo is an awesome female singist. Eminem is pretty good at being a…

  • tOmy`

    Since I am (semi-)working, let’s just say that for me it is:

    1) Twin Peaks
    2) Mulholland Drive
    3) Lost Highway
    4) Inland Empire
    and then it’s mostly a tie.

  • bassbait

    I’d say

    1) Mulholland Drive
    2) Lost Highway
    3) Eraserhead
    4) Blue Velvet

    although I’m inclined to swap out number 1 and 2 depending on the mood, because they’re both pretty close to perfect in my view.

  • tOmy`

    … I am not sure how to put it into words either, so let’s just use this:

    https://youtu.be/XbGs_qK2PQA?t=4m25s

  • bassbait

    Well I’m not saying nobody cares in the sense that nobody likes it, but nobody cares in the sense that when people talk about “Lynch”, it’s far from first to come up in any discussion. It seems to me like the big ones are Twin Peaks, Eraserhead, Blue Velvet, and Mulholland Drive. My dad’s favorite is Dune because Dune is his favorite book series, but as a result of it being his favorite I can’t stand it.

  • TapewormBike

    Ooh, Max Headroom reference! This guy might know his stuff.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    You haven’t seen the Elephant Man or Wild at Heart? Wow Bobby Peru is gonna be pissed

  • tOmy`

    Yea, he is most likely an asshole, but I don’t think he is a particularly dumb one.

    Even the 8 Mile movie is pretty solid.

  • TapewormBike

    Dune is one of my favourite books as well, which is why I can’t stand the movie. As far as my favourite Lynch, I’d say Lost Highway. When I was a bit younger though, I thought that Wild at Heart is the most genius shit ever.

  • TapewormBike
  • bassbait

    I ain’t never read one of them Dune books, or any books in general, and I ain’t about to start.

    Really though, I can’t read books because of how my brain processes information (aka poorly). So I kind of have to rely on the movie version to supply me with Dune’s story and themes and whatnot. Idk I think I prefer Lynch when he’s doing his own thing and is allowed to get super abstract. The more plot Lynch has, the less enjoyable it is for me. Making Dumbland his best thing ever, obviously.

  • tOmy`

    When tired, listen to dubstep. You would be surprised how effective are brain aneurysm and police sirens when it comes to keeping you awake.

  • Pulp

    Not French, but a more interesting film of this (type) is
    “The Cement Garden”. On the negative side there is “Murmur of the Heart” (Lesouffle au cœur).

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Was going to go see the new Eli Roth movie but the god damn Pope ruins everything…

  • Palpatine

    But he’s such an awesome Pope!
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u-KJWz-5n0g

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Thanks for sending me that; I’ll use that to fall asleep tonight.

  • Palpatine

    That’s just a preview of what it’s going to be like during the Pope’s visit.

  • tOmy`

    He is also releasing a pop rock album. True story.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow
  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    I was thinking of going to see him; but no way I’m risking my precious youth to be exposed to a bunch of alcoholics looking at a man who has a tenuous grasp on the English language.

  • tOmy`

    That is literally what are we doing here all day.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    …You’re right. I felt bad after watching the latest ep. of BotW. Mike seems like he has a legitimate drinking problem.

  • Amontillado

    You sir are a friggin ninja

  • Amontillado

    Yeah, well I directed Manos the Hands of Fate. What up brah?

  • Jaws

    🙂

  • Alexandria Sanders

    I know, I liked her.

  • tOmy`

    I like you.

  • bassbait

    The important thing is, neither of us directed Things. Oh God, what a horrible mess!

  • tOmy`

    Yea, MCR’s Gerard even lashed out at people for calling them EMO. I think he was honestly frustrated by the very-early teen fanbase they had, that was simply not in on the joke as much as the small, adult portion of their audience was. The “Twilight generation” of goth fans were also a bit too much for them – after being invited to the OST of Twilight due to their popularity inbetween the target audience of those movies, they pretty much told them go fuck themselves and even recorded that Vampire Money song, absolutely mocking both the movies and their fanbase.

    When it comes to Brand New, I know only Daisy and The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me, most likely preferring the latter. There are some very, very solid tracks (especially on the first half)… and even when they get a bit over the top and way too obvious for my taste, the production and the musical background still works as a redeeming quality for me, overshadowing some of the more questionable choices when it comes to lyrics.

  • tOmy`

    So… Any Given Sunday by Oliver Stone. Thoughts? Keep me awake, people, come on!

  • Like Icare

    Dafoe da merrier.

  • Like Icare

    It’s an example of a highly watchable movie about a topic I don’t give a flying fuck about.
    With some “WAR! Huh-hah!” added to the mix because Stone.

    It ain’t a movie I’d wanna watch every day… but it is highly watchable.

  • Amontillado

    It was a mess…of things. I’M SORRY, GOD FORGIVE ME!

  • tOmy`

    I think you pretty much nailed my own opinion about the movie.

  • Amontillado

    It was great because it’s about any Sunday. Really there’s a lot you can do on a Sunday, it’s the perfect rest day and a movie about all the different things you can do on any given Sunday is a movie worth watching! And by Olive Stone too!

  • Like Icare

    And while we’re on topic of “Hey, remember that movie…”
    I mentioned The Losers earlier.

    I completely forgot how cheaply that movie got made.
    25 million of 2009 dollars. Cheaper than Paul Blarp AND Paul Blarp 2.
    And yet it looks and feels like it was at least an $80 mill movie.
    Very effective use of location and talent.

    And yet it flopped spectacularly. But dammit it is a fun movie.
    Chris Evans is simply fabulous and has some great comedic timing.
    J.D. Morgan, Zoe Saldana, Idris Elba… dammit I’d like to see the sequel.
    Yeah… I read the comic, I know how it ends and what changes have been made but still…

    Also, Jensen SO needs a spinoff.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4NsB6eDQeM

  • Amontillado

    You bastard, you strike again

  • Beckoning Chasm

    White Fire is actually free on Amazon Prime. But that’s probably paying way too much.

  • Amontillado
  • Amontillado
  • Amontillado

    Vanilla Ice can make the demons arise – use wisely.

  • Like Icare

    You know… You can buy butter wholesale and repackage it under your own brand.

    Or just print out some stickers and start hanging out around the dairy products cooler in the local supermarket.
    If they catch you just say you’re an artist. I heard judges love that.

  • DanteSuckfest202

    One of your best destructions yet. Both creative and poetic.

    HOWEVER:

    You guys should have lit the remains on “The Jar” on fire. You did a super set-up for it and it would have been kicking rad to see the dregs engulfed in flames.

    On a similar note, I’ve got the “story” for that escape from a college art-film movie you guys wanted.

  • BackMarker

    Was the film Future War covered on Mystery Science Theater 3000? It looks and sounds familiar…..

  • Niccageshair

    Yes one of only two MST3k’s with Robert Z’dar, surprising he only made MST3k twice.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    That’s “dick” to you

  • Niccageshair

    Great speech about inches. Although I may be thinking of Any Given Slutday by Oliver(Pronounced all-of-her) Bone. Also Lawrence Taylor playing an unhinged middle linebacker who knows nothing but football and will probably do something horrible the moment he retires…..oh wait no that was real life.

  • Niccageshair

    Well Christopher Lee made a Thrash Metal Christmas album so why the hell not.

  • Niccageshair

    Shouldn’t Bond Theme’s have been Adele’s until she died? This song is no Goldfinger but inside a title sequence it should work….maybe…..hopefully……oh who fucking cares as long as Christoph Waltz is awesome in it.

  • Niccageshair

    Ugh the Counselor was like someone who wanted to make Breaking Bad: The Movie so badly and came out so flat.

  • pete smith

    Damn, Mike’s beard and hair is turning gray. This must have been an difficult to watch trough.

  • Niccageshair

    If anyone is playing Gaben it’s gonna be Eric Wareheim,

  • Niccageshair

    My thought on the delay is they are trying to combine HL and portal into one and it’s taking a lot of fine tuning to get the systems to work.

    Although that cash thing is totally valid as it’s a license to print money when your only competition is EA Origin and the now dead Games for Windows.

  • Niccageshair

    I don’t know I think Diablo 3 should still be punchline or at least an example to stop while ahead.

  • Niccageshair

    It’s a love triangle movies would gladly jam in no matter how ill-fitting.

  • Niccageshair

    I thought the director killed himself shortly after or was that Torgo?

  • Does anyone know what the song is at the end? The one they have used a few times for prometheus and terminator gensys explained.

  • Niccageshair

    I believe the narration was added in later after some notes from screenings. I actually don’t mind the narration because it does feed into that noir meets sci-fi element which I think it the driving force behind the best parts of movie.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I have to believe someone on the RLM staff knew the MST3k connection – especially Wizard, who looked especially guilty when the topic was brought up.

  • Niccageshair

    I don’t think MST3k doing it should be an issue as one of the best BOTW movies, the child enslaving classic Santa Claus, was an MST3k movie.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I don’t have issue with it – I think overlap is inevitable and it happened with Space Mutiny as well. I think they must (and did) make mention of a comic predecessor when a title like this comes up. Someone knew. Someone knows.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    David Lynch fucked Dune up. Read the books I you want to know the awesomeness that is Dune. Oh just read Frank
    Herbert’s books (1-6), his sons books aren’t the same

  • supercrotchinator

    The Wizard’s back! Hey, The Wizard!

  • Niccageshair

    If you look at anything about the production of that movie, it never really had a shot.

  • David Simonot

    Yay. Science man.

  • Niccageshair

    Well as someone who makes it through 30 mins tops of most MST3k’s before falling asleep(because of the movies not the riffing) as long as they cite it who cares.

  • bassbait

    I meant it when I said I can’t read books. My mind wanders like crazy and I basically write a whole different book in my head based on how liberally I interpret every sentence. I’m like the exact opposite of Mike, the less sense something makes, the easier it is for me to follow along. So I like abstract shit like Eraserhead.

  • Lembach

    What the flying fuck is with the techno-goat bleating in the backround music??

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I don’t know

  • RLMkeepitup

    the styles of the two shows are so different anyways. at least Mike n’ Jay give us the good parts and edit out the sleep material

  • Palpatine

    I really want to know where RLM finds these “movies” for BotW.

  • Justin D.

    Wasn’t there a woman that used to do these with them? Her name escapes me…was it Jess? What happened to her?

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Yuck. Wizard.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Jessi has returned to her home planet.

  • Jaws

    roger ebort dot com, roger ebert’s evil twin brother

  • Amontillado

    She saw the deforested catastrophe that is Wizard’s clean shaven face, did a 180 and booked it for the door. They say you can hear her screams now, echoing in the forest, “The beard, the beard…”

  • Glowing Green Crotch

    I have a legitimate man crush on the Wizard. You people are all so damn likable.

  • Amontillado

    Also use a good 1000NX face mask – they’re the face covering with the canister filters – looks kinda like a low tech gas mask. All the fumes you smell are what you’re breathing and that could not have been good for the respiratory or neurological health. We love what you do, just don’t kill yourselves or damage your health in the process on our account.

  • Jaws

    just ironic for her then that the beard became self aware and now resides in the forest,

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Don’t tell anyone, but… there’s this underground VHS peddler. On the streets he’s known as… “Percy Gryce”. Don’t let that gentlemanly name fool you: he really is a gentleman.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Wait, are these recurring grammatical mistakes intentional or not? I thought it was a part of the joke on that one other post, but now I’m not sure.

  • Buk Pravon

    First: Let Freeman and Chell talk. But not too much. I think the reason for them being mute in the games is just because the game developers thought that this way the players could identify easier with them. It isn’t necessary to keep them mute in a movie. Just make them the non talkative and shy, maybe even in general unsocial character, who talks only if it is really necessary and it will work fine in this regard. Kinda like Mad Max in Fury Road.

    Second: Give them one or at maximum two sidekicks. Freeman had already Alyx in the HL2-Episodes. So we know that this could work. Just don’t try to make them too wacky. In Portal GlaDOS – in the Portal 2 also Wheatley – were the comic reliefs. I don’t think a movie about these games needs more than that. The tone of the movie should stay serious and menacing.. at the same time: Not too dark. This is not Batman! ò.ó

    Third: No stupid space marine sidestory. Not to much shooting in general. The plot should evolve in both movies around the attempts to overcome the enemy without just shooting it or blow it up, by using more passive weapons like the gravity gun or the portal gun. The games worked that way… well at least Portal did… just keep it so and the movie will work perfectly. No action schlock!

    And fourth: I am convinced since a few days, that it may be a bad idea from the start to make a game into a movie. At least as long as the movies only attempt is to drag the audience into it. Because the gaming experience is already superior in this regard to the experience watching a movie can give its audience. So changing the story is vital to this movies. Keep the story the same and the one part of the audience will think all the way through it “I played the game. I know all this already.” and the rest will think “Well, this would make a good game, but it is not a good movie storywise.” So the premises and setting must stay the same – otherwise it wouldn’t be a movie about the thing it was promised to be about – but the story events have to change. Maybe the ending too. That would be the task and the artistic freedom of the author.

    Thats just the basic structure of the movies how I would make them. But I think this way they could work.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Wouldn’t that be “The Jar-Jar Jar”?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You know how Portal would work? Done in the style of an episode of Black Mirror (think 15 Million Merits).

    Also, live-action Chell: https://youtu.be/1OKG0kyam14?t=2m21s

  • Like Icare

    Aw come on… Acetone is nothing but nail polish remover.
    If it was harmful for neurological health all women would be crazy and insane by now.

  • Bubs

    So I just watched a documentary called “Jodorowsky’s Dune”. I didn’t enjoy it much, but I would like to share with you an amazing quote from Jodorowsky himself:

    “I was raping Frank Herbert. Raping, like this! But with love. With love.”

    -Jodorowsky, the man that proves there truly is a thin line between genius and insanity.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Jay should make Mike and Rich sit through The Holy Mountain and record a commentary track. I’d buy that for a dollar!

  • I bet it would look a little something like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPUPaxgIo98

  • He said he blanked on that one.

  • Alex

    Either Jay’s wearing his VCR-repairmen outfit in private or he’s one hell of a method-actor.

  • Amontillado

    “Ray! Ripping the plumbing out of your walls for liquor money is fucked!”

    -David Lynch, 1848 AD

  • Amontillado

    This is dense

  • Amontillado

    Remember: the strength of the poison depends on dose and timing. In this case a whole bucket of Acetone poured into a jar with a non air tight seal = not good.

  • Alex

    I want a Return of Gillian™.

  • Amontillado

    Hence Grizzly Adams, we just wrote the prequel. Your welcome.

  • Like Icare

    What’s that on the table there? Is that the script?

    http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTgwMjIwMTMyNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwODk4MzEzMTE@._V1__SX640_SY720_.jpg

    No, it’s Jodorowsky’s storyboard book.
    https://teodoreljicdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/blog_jododune21.jpg

    And seeing the size of that thing, and what’s inside it…
    http://www.duneinfo.com/Content/images/unseen/jodorowskys-dune-uncovered/part-1/JD-1A.png
    http://www.duneinfo.com/unseen/jodorowskys-dune-uncovered/1#

    …it is rather obvious that Jodo-Dune would have been a disaster.

    But a fabulous and a legendary one.

  • Jaws

    you’re saying women aren’t all crazy and insane?

  • Alex

    That’s ‘Mike from the Future’, he secretly terminated ‘Present Mike’ and did a bad job dying his hair properly.

    https://youtu.be/7olh2I0dN7w?list=PL34C1F26D03F5F9B8&t=1877

  • Alex

    Exactly, I’m low on time recently.

  • Alex

    That’s probably the only good service he ever did for humanity. Maybe he does go to this “heaven” after all.

  • tOmy`

    My grammar is plummeting lately, no idea why. Plus it was really late.

  • Alex

    The good rep this movie is getting right now, is starting to have an effect on me. I have actually the urge to watch a Ridley Scott movie, which I thought would be impossible.

  • Alex

    Touché

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Coudn’t been any worse then Lynch’s Dune.

  • Like Icare

    It ain’t the acetone in the jar – it’s the concentration of the fumes in the air.
    Doing nails in a tiny room is far worse than spilling acetone all over in a warehouse.

    It’s not much worse than inhaling booze fumes. And we all know that booze is safe. Just look at Mike.

    Besides that… Burning fat for energy (starving body of sugars and into ketosis) produces acetone in human body.
    It’s what causes the “fruity” breath and body odor.

  • tOmy`

    That’s the thing, tho: Do you think Half Life fans would go and see a movie that has a different story? I think that people would be generally pissed off if it didn’t feature train ride, Black Mesa, G-Man, grunts storming the facility and so on. Possibly even Xen.

    And that is where it gets complicated: Half Life 1 story is basically next to nonexistent but without it, Half Life 2 would never work. The problem I see is that they need to start with Half Life 1 to establish Black Mesa, Lambda, all the supporting scientists, the portal experiment, Xen, grunts and G-Man. The game does more than adequate job in doing so, but through gaming and random encounters – and that is simply not enough for a movie. But without this, you would have to sit through some lengthy exposition during Half Life 2.

    I think the approach I would chose (except many of those you mentioned) is to have Freeman and Shepherd from OF as your main characters – most likely playing some sort of a mouse and cat game throughout the collapsing Black Mesa – obviously culminating by the moment when Shepherd misses him by few seconds in the Lambda core. It would also be nice to have G-Man pop out right after Freeman ports from Black Mesa and avoid the “extension” of Xen. Shepherd could also work as a delivery vehicle for other fragments of the story, as he is a character who knows what is happening from the get go.

    Generally: I think that fanboys of these games would love to see at least the same structure and as many winks to the original game as possible. Hence I would also like to include someone mentioning the names of levels during dialogues – Unforeseen Consequences, On The Rail and Forget About Freeman come to mind.

  • Like Icare

    It was supposed to have both Salvador Dali AND Orson Welles.
    The size of their ego alone would cause some kind of a production-warping ego singularity.

  • Like Icare

    Considering that anything I say can and will be used against me I can not confirm nor deny but you might very well think that though I couldn’t possibly comment.

  • tOmy`

    Anyone else having problems with Disqus constantly re-enabling email notifications?

  • Jaws

    tight seal isnt always a bad thing

  • Alex

    or both in a spinoff called “Jess & Gill” – Twisted Sisters

  • Jaws

    you can say that again

  • Amontillado

    Agreed, dispersed in a large enough area it would be diluted. However, how close Mike was and how much was being dispensed, probably didn’t do much of anything – but combine it with Mike’s drinking and other fumes that him and the other RLM crew have subjected themselves to, and the combination of factors may lead to undesirable results.

    BTW, did not know that acetone was produced in the body via metabolism. Thank you! When produced by metabolism, is it in a large enough dose to be harmful, or in a form that is harmful? Aerosol vs liquid. I always figured that acetone was in a gaseous form is the most harmful to human health, except if you light on fire and then burnination is your enemy.

  • Amontillado

    Jaws – just cause you got a hot body, doesn’t mean you need to flaunt its features

  • tOmy`

    Every ‘Star Wars’ soundtrack to be reissued on vinyl

    ‘Star Wars: The Ultimate Vinyl Collection’ to be released in January 2016

    This is gonna be one expensive movie for me.

  • Alex

    It’s gonna be great…

  • Alex

    *in Rich’s voice* I really like the world-building and atmosphere, but the rest………..meh .

  • Alex

    Now I love this movie, a LOT. But I can’t watch it very often, I’d rather watch a Barry Lyndon over a 2001, I don’t know why.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’d still take it over Lynch’s Dune. The only bad footnote in his career. I wish it straight up didn’t existed.

  • Jaws

    so, vinyl is making a comeback, sweet. wonder if VHS tapes will too.

  • tOmy`

    Vinyl is actually on the raise again for the past decade or something.

  • Jaws

    i think it comes down to, if it aint broke dont fix it, well thats what my pappy used to say, and he aint never owned no cd or dvds.

  • tOmy`

    Well, it also comes down to superiority – beating vinyl is close to impossible, at least physically. Not sure how the latest “geek encoding” progressed, but the last time I checked, even the obnoxiously big digital files were still “not quite close” to the vinyl fidelity.

    Plus it’s cool. So are gramophones. And growing DJ scene.

    http://www.thestrut.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-shot-2013-09-15-at-7.20.37-PM.png

  • Jaws

    i think ppl realized that vinyl actually never really lost value, like cds do, you try to re sell a cd an ya get not much for it, vinyl on the other hand go up in price. for the reason you say, it cant be beat.

  • Jaws

    hehe it is that bad isnt it. wormssss ;p

  • Palpatine

    Now if they would be kind enough to release the unaltered Original Trilogy on Blu-Ray.

  • quick_moranis
  • tOmy`

    Square?

  • Welcome Back Otter

    $200,000!?

  • Strelnikov

    That’s what he wrote.

    On September 8, 2008.

    At this URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0130040/reviews?ref_=tt_urv

  • Palpatine

    Mostly because of hipsters.

  • tOmy`

    That’s like saying watching movies in cinema is hipster, because you can watch them on your iPhone nowdays.

  • Palpatine

    Seeing movies in the theater will soon be the hipster thing to do.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    In 1995 I gave all my vinyl to a mate of mine who was DJ so he could use them for samples.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Mike; if I give you some patreon monies, will you go to rehab?

  • tOmy`

    For some reason, I am starting to picture New Jersey as one big massive Starbucks with an Apple Store instead of a ball pit for children.

    And that is coming from someone who saw Sopranos.

    Ironically enough, that would be considered hipster here.

  • tOmy`

    I bet he sold them by now for crack money.

    I do that with books. I don’t wanna people thinking that I am some white-trash reader or something.

  • 101 Wacky Film Jokes:
    Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman are having a get together for Christmas. Morgan Freeman brought Brad a present. “What’s in the box?” asked Brad. “Oh, you’ll just have to find out” said Morgan Freeman.

    It was a big purple dildo.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Q: What happens when you cross Liam Neeson with Bruce Willis?
    A: Nothing… Nobody crosses Liam Neeson.

  • RLMkeepitup

    cause the box wasn’t big enough for morgans actual package

  • RLMkeepitup

    this is becoming the most milked franchise teet of all time

  • tOmy`

    Let the quality of the soundtrack be a redemption of this cashgrab.

  • RLMkeepitup

    at least John Williams is still alive to see his bank account add some digits after all this.

  • tOmy`

    I wonder if there are any royalties that will go to the orchestra.

  • TapewormBike

    This is a Pro-Tip for dealing with any alcoholic you know – give them some money, so things get better.

  • TapewormBike

    Oh yeah and I am the hipster.

  • tOmy`

    Scroll down and rethink your statement, you dirty western insurgent!

  • TapewormBike

    Nah

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You forgot that you have to say “Use this for food.” when you give them the money. so they dont get confused and accidentally buy more booze.

  • TapewormBike

    Everyone keeps going on about Jessi not being in these (yeah, it’s a bummer, deal with it, she does not like you). BUT nobody is complimenting Susan. And she has bigger boobs.

  • TapewormBike

    I am not sure if I wanna slap you or suck your dick right now.

  • TapewormBike

    His parts are what makes that doc. And the music.

  • TapewormBike

    Aye, Gryce has sent them stuff, more than thrice.

  • Palpatine

    It’s not like that at all. There’s barely any Starbucks around here, but there is a lot of Dunkin’ Donuts though. I think Garden State gave you the wrong impression of where I live.

  • Nah.

  • TapewormBike

    Wah?

  • Huh?

  • TapewormBike

    I am a “Don’t talk about fucking grammar” Nazi. Get in ze car.

  • Palpatine

    That’s was so funny I forgot to laugh.

  • TapewormBike

    Anybody called?

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    ‘Here, Here!, just go away problem, go away….’

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    Wayyyy Bigger!

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    As a U.S. citizen who lives in the Philadelphia area (pretty much an east coast bum mecca); I know this all too well.

  • Smegman

    Is that the one who has the hots for Jay?

  • Smegman

    With additional digital effects to enhance the audio? I bet every sound has so much going on, it’s so dense.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    How do they survive the winter? Shit I live in Australia and even I’ve had hypothermia twice.

  • Did any of the Wacky Kid Jokes make you laugh, Palpy?

  • Smegman

    Dream on, Palpa

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It ALWAYS has been.

  • Smegman

    Sorry… that’s Gillian. Very fuckable though

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Q: Why is Harrison Ford like a broken watch?
    A: He only works ‘Part Time.’

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Vinyl does have better sound quality than CDs (not that someone with an uneducated ear like me can tell the different). Not sure if Vinyl is better than lossless audio.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I forgot Robert Z’dar also “starred” in Souptaper — I mean Soultaker, where Martin Sheen’s brother steals people’s essences with the help of fluorescent cockrings. Ah the 80s.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    What’s the name of the girl who tried to kill Plinkett? Is that Gillian?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Then you meet the odd bum who says “but it IS food! Food that don’t spoil!!”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    thats Nadine. Gillian was the stand up comedian.

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    Ah thanks. Gotta add both to my spank-bank.

  • Smegman

    I can’t remember Susan. Is she the fatty from one episode of HitB?

  • Stallone’s Nutsack

    I always thought the answer to “what’s in the box?!” was simply “-100 Oscars, Brad.”

  • Smegman

    Arnie working at a record store:

    Q: Excuse me, sir. Where can I find the Brandenburg Concertos?
    A: Aisle B, Bach.

  • Smegman

    Samurai Cop goes for almost 35.00 Obamas at Amazon. Dammit!

  • RLMkeepitup

    it’s because how awesome the blu ray cover is versus the dvd

  • Smegman

    What an expensive cover.

  • RLMkeepitup

    she’s Jays pseudo-character, like Mike’s scientist man.

  • RLMkeepitup

    you get the movie for free with it

  • Smegman

    Now my old hairy balls are pulsing for that big boobed fatty

  • Smegman

    That’s a great deal then! I’m buying that for a dollar.

  • tOmy`

    Oh, no worries, they already released the remastered originals. Disclaimer on my Music From The Star Wars Trilogy: Collector’s Edition

    All selections are newly recorded and have not appeared on the original soundtrack of the Star Wars trilogy. These recordings are in no way associated with John Williams or the producers of the Star Wars films.

    Yet the on the front…

    New arrangement and performance of the music of John Williams. Music performed by The New World Orchestra. Conducted by Andrew Hopson.

    Release date 1999

  • Smegman

    So I’m guessing it’s all analog.

  • tOmy`

    I have no clue what are they gonna re-release, but I assume it’s gonna be the originals, starting with:

    “1977: First release on LP by 20th Century. For the original soundtrack, John Williams selected 75 minutes of music out of the 88 minute score. To provide musical variety, it did not follow the film’s chronological order.”

  • RLMkeepitup

    and some just prefer to have the physical vinyl over digital, especially the collectors. something about seeing it spin and putting the needle on there adds a bit of romance.

  • Smegman

    Ok, thanks!

  • Smegman

    He was also in Hell Comes To Frogtown, where he plays a man with frogs living inside his chin.

  • tOmy`

    Oh, yes you can. Also gramophones reproduce the sound in a distinctive way – sometimes described as “warmer”, sometimes as “noisy”.

    Also the “hardware” itself helps a lot. Go on the internet and check out how many people say there is no difference between mp3’s kbps even tough they listen to the song on Beats by Dre. You just wanna murder these people.

    So when you compare your gramophone’s wooden speakers playing an actual vinyl with listening to 320kbps iTunes mp3 on your plastic Genius speakers… well, the conclusion is quite obvious.

    Vinyl is superior to CD just as flac is superior to mp3.

  • tOmy`

    It was more of a stab at you for calling everything either hipster, euro-trash or white-trash.

    So I just assumed there is like a consumer-training facility or something.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Well David Lynch’s Dune isn’t without merit but Lynch shines when he’s doing his own thing, with the exception of Elephant Man, which is excellent and rather tame for a David Lynch film

  • Hank_Henshaw

    oh, Mp3 difference in compression, that much I can tell. I’m not deaf. 😛

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Sadly Frank Herbert admitted that himself and guess what it was buddy-boy George Lucas who basically stole most of his Ideas from Frank Herbert and then destroyed any chance for a decent Dune movie because of all of the Tattooine footage. Thanks George..asshole…

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    There’s part of the plot of Red Letter Media the movie

  • Palpatine

    Nope. And I usually have a good sense of humor.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow
  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    If I put a turntable on my sound system I would get evicted for playing music too loud

  • Then I guess, I’m emulating them perfectly.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    No picture New Jersey as a rotting fruit, half of it is lush and green the other half is putrefied shit…

  • You, in a way, ARE a spank bank.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    The former Emperor of a galaxy far far away and you end up in the armpit of America. I used to live in New Jersey…I escaped in a hot air balloon during the Regan Presidency

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    I think, for those that are old enough, that we all agree Vinyl is superior

  • Smegman

    The universe in a nutsack.

  • tOmy`

    Ha. I never understood what is it with perception of vinyls being so… “alternative”. Fucking hell, most of us have working gramophones at home (accompanied by LPs), most of us played with one when we were younger, you can buy LPs all around our cities and you can see them being used from cafes, to clubs and festivals, not even mentioning that one of the most expensive musical instrument you can buy is a fucking instrument using vinyls. These things never went away and never became totally unpopular. That is more of a walkman case.

    It really is like saying books are hipster because Kindle.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Stallones nutsack?

  • The world is your oyster.

  • Smegman

    Stallone’s nutsack became expendable after all the juice

  • tOmy`
  • It became sentient and is now part of this webzone.

  • Speaking of Stallone’s balls. There’s a song called Nutsack by the amazing band I’ve never heard of before called Full Blown Stallone. And what’s on the cover? It’s Jesus with Milwaukee’s favourite beer – Pabst Blue Ribbon. Coincidence? I don’t think so. https://myspace.com/fullblownstallone/music/song/nutsack-43608184-46469666.

  • Smegman

    And we don’t want to hurt it’s feelings.

  • That’s a whole lot of Obamas. What’s the exchange rate to dirham?

  • *Charming.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    That totally Grogged!

  • Like Icare

    Some of it gets urinated out. Or just evaporates out. Hence the smell.
    Rest gets used up by body to make lactic acid, which then goes to liver to produce glucose – or it gets used up in the Krebs cycle to feed the cells with energy.

    There is a theory that the effect that the positive effect that ketogenic diet has on epileptics and Alzheimer and Parkinson’s patients may be due to to its effect on the Central Nervous System.

    Besides depressing the CNS body can also produce ethanol through the metabolization of acetone.

    Our bodies evolved themselves production of booze and drugs.
    Can’t wait to hear that used as defense.

  • bleurgh

    Speaking of dick-cutting. I almost cut the dick off a dude I found peeing on my car as I was loading out my audio equipment out of a gig tonight. I actually took a swipe at him with my stanley knife, but unfortunately missed. He got the message though. Ran off like a little bitch.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    You shall be known as “Dick-Cutter” cutter of dicks…

  • Like Icare

    Hell Comes To Frogtown is a brilliant piece of shlock.

  • tOmy`

    m/

    I always wanted to use that emoticon and now, when it came to dick cutting, I felt like it’s the right time.

  • Smegman

    Speaking of sister-pus complex. White Fire just became my Ginty pleasure. Gotta buy the VHS.

  • Palpatine

    Where do you live now?

  • Like Icare

    Not a Syrian child? Oh, right. That’s what his wife is getting him for Xmas.

  • bleurgh

    Richard D. Cutter – Amateur Cosmetic Surgeon

  • bleurgh

    I appreciate it. Words can’t describe how much I was raging about it for a good hour afterwards.

  • TapewormBike

    I am on a phone, do me agree, wsnted to ve a dickbag, gramophone at my moms lolz

  • tOmy`

    lol internet on a phone do u even life bro? 90s kidz be like LOL

  • Like Icare

    Remember that time when he was old?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYIJcHBamXU

  • TapewormBike

    I live in the future. That’s 2010, right?

  • Smegman

    I think Z’Dar has stolen Josh’s chin. The Wizard is a full no-chin person.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Then you know where to start your investigation. I think we’ve both seen Extreme Justice. You know what to do.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZdI9H9KU9I

  • TapewormBike

    My girlfriend has just spent 2 hours playing some game where you chase dots with bigger dots. I can’t believe how much of my Disqus time she wasted.

  • tOmy`

    The colorful dot that eats smaller colorful dots to gain on size? And you have your nick on the dot?

    That game looked really cool.

  • TapewormBike

    Some of them were Doge as well. You game people are dumb.

  • tOmy`

    The only one of those “dumb but great” games I ever spent shameful amount of time playing was Curve Fever 2.

    That game is the bomb. And it is free!

  • TapewormBike

    I can see the appeal, but her way of going about it always makes me realize how much of a time waster that stuff is. I think she could be a great gambler one day.

  • Hmm.. Osmos or Solar 2?

  • TapewormBike

    Something starting with A. Kinda like the gelatinous stuff, Agario I think?

  • Oh. Don’t know that one but it looks ugly.

  • Amontillado

    It’s been used emphasis before, that even those who choose to abstain from drugs and alcohol are, like the rest of us, possessing of receptors for the active molecules within them.

    I would say that it is less that we are evolved for booze or drugs and more that we are wired for the ingredients that happen to be found in them. Just as we have receptor sites for an assortment of molecules that aid the communication inside the brain between its components and the brain to body. More so, that which aids or increases certain processes could be accentuated as needed given circumstance, inputs, decision making, etc.

    So by ketogenic diet, that would be the same as mild starvation of the body, or eating in moderation correct? Yesterday, there was an article in the Guardian about countries with the greatest number of centenarians in the population and Japan ranked highest, with Italy and France following. It’s been attributed to the adherence to traditional Japanese diet that emphasizes rice, fish, and vegetables. And totally agree with your point about the diet.

    Having an overabundance of resources essentially fries out your bodies ability to efficiently digest and puts it in a state of perpetually stocking up and waiting for the famine to descend. Interesting how our animal past never goes away no matter how modern we get!

  • Joe

    I love how the line “so the former prostitute and drug dealer that turned into a nun…” is literally just said and accepted as no big deal.

  • TapewormBike

    I mean, it is kind of a cliché.

  • At least by porn standards.

  • TapewormBike

    I have no other standards

  • Like Icare

    Actually that’s a bit ass-backwards.

    Everything gets mastered digitally.
    Then those ones and zeroes get stamped onto metal to be read by a laser OR onto plastic to be read by a needle.
    One of those two is not susceptible to mechanical, thermal, chemical, electromagnetic etc. etc. changes and the other one has no data correction and it’s big, black and easily scratched.

    So, people favoring the “warmer sound” are in the same boat as people favoring their music to be mastered to sound more MP3-like – as they are used to hearing it from youtubes and itunes and torrentses…

    They are hearing the ARTIFACTS, and thinking that makes the music “better”.

    Coming up next: How to waste money on a 4K TV when all you watch on it are VHS tapes. Hint – it involves buying a 4K TV.

  • Joe

    I do have to admit that Mike’s admirable commitment to his stupid/careless/alcoholic character makes me nervous with him around dangerous chemicals…

  • Like Icare

    Dick Dicer – the Wiener Slicer.

  • Joe

    Simpsons did it!

  • Like Icare

    It’s OK. He’s been ingesting dangerous chemicals all this time. He’s developed a level of immunity.

  • TapewormBike

    I gain so much respect for Mike and Jay’s editing style whenever I just glance at almost any Youtube video.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The year 2018 has arrived. A herd of fuckin’ ugly dumb masses are rushing to the theater. Crime rate skyrocketed! Therefore the Milwaukee government called Space Cop’s relative Dick for the massacre of the Asses. Dick is a killer machine. Wipe out all the 1.2 billion Michael Bay fans! However in Canada there was a secret project in progress! A project to transform the deceased Galt Fisney into an ultimate weapon!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is that a MySpace link?

  • tOmy`

    Well… okay, but does this change anything about vinyl being superior? The data correction comes to mind, just as much as the mastering done CDs and MP3s formats only.

    And the “hunt” for perfection is what gave us the “blandness” of current music. The mass-produced, preset, default assembly production reminiscent of Attack of the Clones CGI.

    And not only is there just “digital mastering”, there is wrong digital mastering and good digital mastering – hence all the arguments about reissues, remasters and “new cuts” of music, that all remind me of a big middlefinger for the consumer.

    Also: Buying expensive gramophone is actually not a bad idea when you want to listen to vinyls. The material used, needle version, speakers and cables are important stuff.

  • tOmy`

    That is impressive waste of time, mate.

  • Yes, it’s My[__]

  • Smegman

    99% of today’s vinyl collectors are a bunch of hipsters who have no clue about analog sound or mastering. They just want to show their vinyls to other hipsters and get a “like” on Facebook.

  • TapewormBike

    He is a true source of inspiration. And all other kinds of ..iration

  • TapewormBike

    One Cheney

  • tOmy`

    This is funny, you are totally getting a very racist vibe from this exchange, yet you can’t point out the exact moment when it happens.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    How did you do that?

  • TapewormBike

    QWERTY keyboards are build to get you in trouble. Try to write the word “Bigger” and look at your fingers. Also, “Duck” is a mine as well.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m getting a fake looking site.

  • Like Icare

    Ketogenic diet (as in dieting) is basically cutting out carbs and reducing the calorie intake.
    Atkins would be a form of a ketogenic diet.

    It takes about 72 hours for the body to use up the glucose at hand, and for the brain to switch to using ketone bodies from fat as the main source of energy.

    As for Japanese population ranking high… There IS a level of survivor bias there.
    Sure, their food is mostly vegetables, rice instead of bread and lean meat.
    But there is also the fact that not only did those old folks survive harsh years of the first half of the 20th century with all those wars – while other, weaker ones didn’t.

    There are also other elements at play.
    From small, tight communities and the whole emphasis on the adaptation and fitting in of the individual to the community (further strengthening the internal ties) to the fact that Japanese culture enforces the idea that those who don’t work are worthless… and you don’t feed the worthless.
    You take them up a mountain to die there.

    Which translated to the way of life means that those people are compulsive workers. They NEED to be doing something.
    And when you have a goal and a job to do… you simply have no time to be dying.

    And that keeps you on your feet, blood flowing, lymphatic system pumping them white cells around and that waste product out due to all that movement of the limbs…

    And then there are those effects that lives of previous generations can have on one’s susceptibility to various diseases.
    Like was their grandfather hungry as a (pre)pubescent boy.

    Scroll down to “You Are What Your Grandpa Eats” or just play the whole thing.

    Hint: If their grandpa was a Japanese fisherman… he was probably hungry as a boy.

    It’s a mountainous island chain with a religion which shuns eating animals and they never developed a taste (or enzymes) for cheese.
    Some did pick up an enzyme for eating seaweeds though.

    Plus they were isolated from the world for centuries, artificially maintaining a feudal state while the world moved on.

    http://www.radiolab.org/story/251876-inheritance/

  • tOmy`

    QWERTZ.

    Enough with your westernization!

  • Ooops. Fixed.

    EDIT: Now it is.

  • TapewormBike

    yhw wou so mean?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I don’t get it. All I see is something related to iPhone apps.

  • tOmy`

    I am being very pissy today, I admit. The frustration of two days of somewhat nonstop work slowly becoming three is making me a grumpy cheerleader.

    And do you know what grumpy cheerleaders do?

    Go-to H!
    Go-to E!
    Go-to L!
    Go-to L!

  • It should look like this: http://imgur.com/Sg8cGks

  • tOmy`
  • I’m rolling on the floor in my own piss right now.

  • tOmy`

    Should have been a guide to googling the page.

    Opportunity missed. Damn.

  • Double the meta. I love it.

  • tOmy`

    This is on my playlist for half of the day now.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3WrlwNA1zw

  • Here, have a bizkit, you’ll feel better worse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpUYjpKg9KY

  • tOmy`

    I don’t have a chainsaw 🙁
    What?
    A motherfucking chainsaw!

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard… You done fucked up. I’m from Potatoland.

  • tOmy`

    <3

    This is gonna be a thing now, huh?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We all eat chips, we all are from Potatoland.

  • This needs to be a hashtag. For some reason.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I hope so.

  • Revenge of the Wizz… Wait. That doesn’t sound right.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • I noticed.

  • John Giezentanner

    Mike’s sad drinking is hilarious. Also, best tape destruction in the history of the show!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    WHERE IS YOUR STAR WARS TEXT CRAWL?!

  • TapewormBike

    Nonstop work? I hate to be a dick….

  • TapewormBike

    I find tape destruction horrifying

  • Palpatine

    I want one!

  • tOmy`
  • Wizard Phoenix
  • TapewormBike

    Nah, I get ya, I am working right now as well (not the hotel)

  • Like Icare

    Only in a sense that VINYL IS INFERIOR in every way apart from the fact that you can play it with a piece of paper and a wooden twig.
    Won’t sound great, but it WILL be playable if it survives an apocalypse that does not involve plastic-melting temperatures.

    But other than teaching post-poxyclypse feral children French…
    It has a built in level of noise artifacts compared to a CD.
    It is bigger and cumbersome.
    It is more easily damaged if dropped, stained, not stored in a special way or simply left lying there to gather dust.
    It can’t be easily replayed, skipped, played on repeat, fast forwarded, played back a few seconds. Even stopping it involves a risk of destroying the pricey vinyl record forever.
    It is not portable or shock resistant.
    It can’t be copied or backed up easily.
    The sound degrades with every playing of the medium due to the mechanical nature of the recording.

    It is inferior to TAPES – which is why cassette tapes were so popular despite somewhat lower sound quality.
    Everything you can’t do with a vinyl record you could do with a tape. Apart from playing on repeat… unless you had a fancy Japanese deck with that option.

    Even stuff like finding a broken cassette (as in finding just tape without he actual cassette), putting it into an empty cassette and playing the recording was/is possible – which is a thing I’ve done more than once as a kid.
    Shut up! We found our fun where we could back then! Not like kids today with their didya games and whatnot…

    The point is – a dropped record is gone forever. A tape will take a beating and still work.

    As for an expensive gramophone…
    Sure… there is always something to the craftsmanship.
    But a lot of it is smoke and mirrors in the audiophile-exploitative industry.

    If there is any digital component in the chain you may as well play a CD.
    And unless the cable used is recycled phone cable – cheap one will do as well as the gold-plated virgin copper handcrafted by Japanese audio-scientist-wizard-ninjas. Particularly if any link in the chain is digital.

    Only things really worth the extra money are speakers.
    And you can plug them into your CD deck and listen to the music as it was meant to be heard – mastered for earbuds playing MP3s.
    Which is somewhat ironic cause it’s MP3s and normalization that basically ended the loudness wars.
    Is there such a thing as a vinyl of Death Magnetic? If so it should be burned.

    Or dissolved in acetone.

  • instant relief

    My diarrhea is sad now.

  • TapewormBike

    Let me kiss it better

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That thing’s the shit now. I see everyone playing it. Just wait until Facebook gets its hands on it.

  • Like Icare

    I stopped writing my diarrhea years ago.

  • TapewormBike

    The shit seems right

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It was the toothpaste factory, right?

  • tOmy`

    You know, seeing as you talk about free games:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytviLdEIuSQ

    *cough cough*

  • They’ve turned up the nostalgia factor to eleven.

  • tOmy`

    They also turned the FPS factor to eleven. Dat game is phast, bro.

  • tOmy`

    They will never beat Farmville. Nobody can.

  • tOmy`

    I shall stalk his FB and tell you more.

  • tOmy`

    Yes, it is a toothpaste factory.

    Also: only 35 friends. *sad emoji*

  • YFNEF

    I find it fascinating. How long did it take, exactly?

  • TapewormBike

    It really depends on how hard you push.

  • tOmy`

    I shall allow it with the exception:

    With todays gramophones you can actually encode the LP into a .flac format and plug an USB stick into it – I was shocked to discover that, but lately, it is becoming a feature. Pretty cool stuff, most likely effective as wipers on a submarine.

    And yes – the smoke and mirrors thing is right. But that is the part of the charm and “superiority” – it is the analogue feel.

    Woah, that sentence made me feel very dirty and suddenly vulnerable to the hipster “insult”. But that is how I view this format. There is just something to it.

    And yea, even though I am not that old, I do remember recording cassettes, “fixing” them with a pen and fucking around with tapes. Good times. Now you just download it again.

    But vinyl… is a vinyl. I know it sounds silly, but that is the way I see it.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, multiplayer competitive gaming is only fun when you are getting paid, be it an actual money or people’s tears.

  • TapewormBike

    I read it as “laid” and went, whoa, that guy must be really good at Counterstrike

    Don’t make that joke, I can see it from here.

  • tOmy`

    Fine, I am not gonna CS:GO there.

  • TapewormBike

    We need to get Half-Life

  • tOmy`

    That would be Unreal.

  • TapewormBike

    Id would be.

  • tOmy`

    Minecraft.

  • TapewormBike

    Strike ‘er Cunt

    Game Over

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Oi! I’ve 32!

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    the Centennial State, Colorado! Where I love it..

  • The cum has been planted.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is that even popular anymore?

  • TapewormBike

    Ha, noone shall know. Also, I just joined. I matter dammit!

  • TapewormBike

    I am sure there are no more easily addicted housewives in the world.

  • tOmy`

    I hope not. But the company behind it was one of the most profiting gaming companies at that time, beating most of the AAA companies. Maybe even on #1?

    It was pretty fucking shocking.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And I joined five years ago… What, you have a life or something?

  • TapewormBike

    No. lol

  • Like Icare

    Yeah, options like that are a bonus and a bit in the wiper range.
    But it is still a distorted sound that people “love” because of the distortion.

    And then there’s the thing where hearing deteriorates with age and thus it will never sound like it did back when you were 19…
    One has to be careful when relaying that piece of reality to people. Some may not be able to take it.

    As for downloading… yeah…
    Basically, today it is all just a list of personalized preferences.
    But… there is always that thing where online resources just stop being available because fuck you and gimme money.

    What was the name of that Microsoft music thing? Not the Zune… the thing where it was all online? Yeah… that…

  • TapewormBike

    What, Zynga? Even I know those fuckers.

  • Like Icare

    Nostalgia? Oh… I thought it was nausea.

  • TapewormBike

    Naustalgea

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’ll allow it.

  • TapewormBike
  • Like Icare

    Is that like when your mate comes by and starts talking about that time you got shitfaced together and ended throwing up from the overpass on the cars driving below?

  • tOmy`

    Yea. According to wiki, in 2012 they made 1 billion dollars out of Farmville alone.

    I am not sure if I should be impressed or cocking a shotgun right now.

  • TapewormBike

    “Remember…hahahaha, when that lady crashed?! Boy, was that baby everywhere.”

  • tOmy`

    That is the reason why it is pretty hard to play UT really drunk.

  • TapewormBike

    Well, you oughta be cocking something

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • dollar store cashier wife

    ’40 days.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I’d be totally down to playing this and losing to you 20 times in a row considering I never got to try out any UT games.

  • instant relief

    Can I add you on Facepoop?

  • TapewormBike

    Maybe follow me on Shitter

  • instant relief

    *10 yrs ago

  • tOmy`

    I didn’t touch the new one in months. But hey, we could play some. I can send you the free link later (you would have to go through their “secret” forums, as it is pre-alpha only) and you can just straight up install it. For a pre-alpha, it runs better than most of the games I know.

    It will be free till the end of the world (if Epic keeps their word), so there is no need to worry about piracy or bad feelings of stealing stuff.

  • tOmy`

    Also, from what I heard, there is even more people playing now than when I stopped, so you can pretty much play 24/7.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Cool. Would you say they made it easier to newcomers compared to old UT games?

  • instant relief

    Writing with your diarrhea?

  • instant relief

    I like chocolate donuts.

  • Like Icare

    Well, IN my diarrhea…

  • instant relief

    I like my games slow and boring. Just like my penis.

  • Like Icare

    Yawn… to sleep, perchance to dream…

    Hamlet, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!

  • My ex wife

    *life

  • TapewormBike

    Sweet dreams, everyone

    http://i.imgur.com/Mac0jrV.gif

  • bassbait

    new games should have 90’s graphics so I can play them. I have to turn the settings low to play Portal 2 or Amnesia. And I can’t afford a new computer ever so I can’t play anything past like 2007 with ease.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    thanks for the dick pick you dick!

    reported to jay.

  • My ex wife

    I aaaaaammmmm the one and only!

  • tOmy`

    Nope. The game is faster and the movement is more complicated – they went the more hardcore way. They did make the timing easier – for example, in the old UT, one of the items spawned every 55 seconds, now it is whole minute etc. They made it easier to count it. Plus servers still run spawnprotection (except when you start your own and turn it off).

    However, UT was always very user friendly – you get the grasp of what the weapons do (takes about an hour), learn the maps and then it is all up to you – you find you rhytm, playstyle and whatever. There is basically no “right strategy” or “wrong strategy”. You just experiment and find the approach you like the best. And you can start with bots that are already in and pretty great actually.

    To put it simply: You will learn the basics within few games. (There is even playable tutorial and youtube videos on movement). And then the game is about playing and learning on your own pace. Thankfully, there is not a big number of high skilled players, so the experience won’t be painful / frustrating.

  • OH MY GOD! IT’S LIKE IT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN!

  • To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub…
    Ha ha, rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come… must
    give us pause… make us bear those… uh, I’ve forgotten. Huh… I know
    I’m depressed about something. Uh-ba-da-da… mother: dead… no,
    *father* dead, mother alive, kind of a sexy thing with the mom, uncle:
    probably killed my father, girlfriend: crazy as a loon, her father’s a
    chatterbox, I killed him… ah, this is all too complicated.

  • Fantastic episode, right down to the acetone.

  • Way too slim.

  • My ex wife

    Not now I won’t! Thanks Tape!
    >:(

  • I agree. I was surprised how entertained I was with that particular destruction.

  • tOmy`

    They are doing their very best to make the game run as smooth as possible – especially because most of their fanbase said: Look, we don’t give a fuck about high-def textures, we just wanna play.

    So right off the bat there are settings to set everything on lowest possible and kill all effects. Plus the mapping community (Epic so far don’t work on the maps, people do) is using high-def but simple textures and no effects.

    I think everyone who came from UT99 took a look at the game, said “nope, I don’t see shit” and just turned everything down. And suddenly the game looks great.

  • bassbait

    You haven’t seen Kathleen Daniel’s videos then.

  • bassbait

    I spotted the banana grabber.

  • Wanna know something uncanny? I heard this song on the radio today.

  • bassbait

    helicopter game. It’s the greatest time waster game ever.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow
  • tOmy`

    But why were the curtains blue?

  • bassbait
  • bassbait

    Gillian Flynn?

  • bassbait

    I’m already downloading it. I haven’t played a UT game since 99, and I barely played 99. If I played online shooters back then, it was HL or TFC or CS, none of which I was any good at because I was very young. My brother was always the better multiplayer gamer, and I was always the better single player one.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    In a year you mean

  • tOmy`

    “Pornhub’s lesbian category was ranked number one among female viewers. Gay male porn came in second place.”

    Well… that is… interesting.

  • Tits or gtfo Pics Source or it didn’t happen!

  • tOmy`

    @dscw: Thanks to bassbait I noticed that they changed the irritating path to download:

    https://www.unrealtournament.com/#splash

    There you go.

  • tOmy`
  • TapewormBike

    No idea what you’re talking about…

  • tOmy`

    GL&HF. Thanks to the buddy system, we can all add each other and waste our lives together!

    I am planning to start gaming again next month, so we can do some shooting then (I am currently on a wi-fi as I left my LAN cable on LAN).

  • TapewormBike

    If you ever need a wingman, I’ll let you suck me off in public.

  • tOmy`

    Great! We shall leave to Amsterdam in 7 days.

  • tOmy`

    I think this quote should be our new RLM comment section motto:

    “Because the only thing that’s sexier than watching someone get off is watching everyone getting off.”

  • tOmy`

    May I suggest this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhIk2PqPU3o

    If nothing else, this game is a literal masturbation. The language and choice of words is just astounding.

  • TapewormBike

    I did kill some time with the predecessor of this, Fallen London. Pretty neat.

  • tOmy`

    Oh yea, I heard about it. Sunless Sea is… mesmerizing. I played for only few hours, because I am quite busy not working this weekend, but starting the next one, I am gonna dive in.

    But for what is worth: I want these people to write books. I don’t think I have ever seen better writing in a game based so much around text. It is really that good. They deliver atmosphere just by using new words, new phrases and names of places. From that perspective it is a work of art,

  • Amontillado

    Sweet dreams ninja of cuteness

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Is that Rich Evans in a furry suit?

  • TapewormBike

    I know one of the writers worked on the adaptation Around the World in 80 Days as a Choose Your Own Adventure Game and I really want to get it.

  • bassbait

    Tried it. Doesn’t run on my computer. Looks like I’m going to have to stick to pre-2010 games still.

    I mean I got it to “run” with all of the settings at their lowest, but it “ran” at about 3 frames per second, I couldn’t even see the bots kill me.

    By the looks of it, the only games I have available to play online are Counter Strike 1.6, CS:S, Garry’s Mod, and L4D2 if I can get that to run but I don’t think I can run that.

  • Amontillado

    True, cultural history here is important. To take a leaf from ecology: genes are backward looking, they don’t look forward but make decisions based on past events.

    My familiarity with Japanese culture is pretty bad, doesn’t extend beyond Kurasawa films, some modern and older Japanese novels (e.g. Kokoro and Musashi), and some art history. As far as the generational effect on an island community, yes, that can have a helluva effect on longevity. Though, I’m curious as to the effects of 20 century modernization may have had on latent attributes that in previous generations due to war, disease, famine, etc. may have been suppressed can now flourish with such constraints more or less gone.

    When I get a moment, I do want to check out the radiolab link, it sound very intriguing. Thanks! And thanks for the robust discussion, I think puppies are in order: http://giphy.com/gifs/funny-cute-eO1JleYiCYbDy and http://giphy.com/gifs/dog-roll-over-barkbox-Endx3eMpqmpZ6

  • Captain Turbo

    Where did horse porn rank?

    Did I say that out loud?

  • Amontillado

    Claudius, you killed my fasthzah. Big mistake. *Wilhelm scream as Claudius is chucked through a stained glass window*

  • Damn, I got a lot of use out of that.

  • tOmy`

    That’s a shame. Well, it is still in pre-alpha, so you can wait for the final release, the settings should be even better. But it will nonetheless run on Unreal Engine 4 and that sucker can be pretty demanding.

  • tOmy`

    https://www.google.com/trends/explore#q=horse%20porn

    Worth noting is that even Trinidad & Tobago ranked first, Ireland, Australia and Norway are in the top 7.

  • Amontillado

    Uhhhh, more like: https://www.google.com/search?site=&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1204&bih=762&q=cameron+mitchell+low+blow&oq=cameron+mitchell+low+blow&gs_l=img.3…518.5027.0.5138.25.15.0.10.5.0.103.1038.14j1.15.0….0…1ac.1.64.img..6.19.967.F7SzvtEOnRQ#imgrc=G9GnKGEMiwVX8M%3A

    That’s after he has established Mikotopia, wherein, everyone named Evans is Rich and is made to put up with the shenanigans of the all mighty Mike.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    https://youtu.be/JsnzlIests4?t=59m34s If you listen closely, you can hear a siren. You may have noticed. But your brain did.

    Was it added? Or did Rich Evans call the cops on Mike’s drunk ass?

  • bassbait

    My pooter is utter shit. All of the computers I’ve ever owned have been hand-me-downs from people who don’t do a lot of gaming. Works pretty well for me, all I tend to play is 90’s shooters and NES/N64 games anyways.

  • tOmy`

    They stole that effect from Prince’s last album.

  • tOmy`

    Well, there is always a lot of new, great and low-performance indie games out there. Like Limbo.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    They also stole the door creak from Future War. That door creak also happens to be the sound every door in the Lego Batman game makes.

  • bassbait

    and Spiders and Cubes. Possibly the least effort put into a 3D game, and yet it somehow ended up being one of the most memorable experiences I’ve ever had playing any game.

  • My ex wife

    I enjoyed this Best of the Worst.
    Thanks.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, I think it is the same door opening effect that you get with any music-making software.

  • Palpatine

    Confession time, I like Broadway musicals. There, I said it.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Mama Mia

  • tOmy`

    HIPSTER!

  • Palpatine

    Phantom of the Opera is my favorite.

  • Palpatine

    I know you are but what am I?

  • tOmy`

    I didn’t see too many of them and it was always something I wanted to fix. I saw few Czech musicals (mostly recreations of Broadway stuff) tho. And it was always rather pleasurable.

    But, for example, Hair is one of my most favorite movies ever.

  • Palpatine

    Funny thing is I’ve never seen Phantom on Broadway.

  • tOmy`

    I once saw Aida absolutely baked out of my mind in our national theater.

    It looks like this: http://www.narodni-divadlo.cz/uploads/assets/SO_web.jpg

    Despite the 3 hours long runtime it was mindblowing. I could blame the drugs, but I prefer to praise the production.

  • tOmy`

    “A confession time hipster”.

    Speaking of: I once said out loud that I like “circus” and before finishing, people were laughing and calling me an idiot. Then I said: “I wanted to talk about Cirque Du Soleil” and everyone was like “Still a circus.”

    Then they saw the show. People should keep an open mind (and a bag of weed by their hands), because some of this stuff is just unparalleled. Just like classical music or jazz.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of Cirque Du Soleil: This is a 50 seconds long must watch of the KOOZA’s Wheel of Death performance:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytb-HG7nsX8

  • Palpatine

    The circus gets a bad rep these days because of the animal abuse that goes on there. We should get rid of the animals and replace them with deformed freaks.

  • So, apparently ageing is a disease? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Keep on reading trans-humanist bullshit philsophy from Silicone Valley and fund pipe dreams that if successful can only lead to catastrophic results, because we definitely need more humans on Earth.

    https://lifeboat.com/blog/2015/09/curing-aging-with-cell-manipulation-and-telomere-lengthening-one-year-away-from-human-trials

  • Palpatine

    European theaters are so classy looking, unlike our trashy American ones.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Believe him, we’ve both seen Gas-s-s-s :

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ow3gpdOk_I

  • tOmy`

    Fuck that shit. If they cure it, how am I supposed to get to the age when I am just gonna sit around with a kilo of medicinal weed and spend 18 hours a day playing games on Playstation 16?

  • I’ll take real theatre over a musical any day. Well, I may be biased but the only musicals we hear about are the really low brow ones like Spiderman.

  • tOmy`

    Well, this is an exceptional case in Czech Republic. I am not saying that they are all shit, but since theater is more of an experience, a lot of theaters in my city for example are really basic.

    Just a stage and few creaking stools. Oh, and a bar. There has to be a bar.

  • YES! Starting with Anakin Skywalker.

  • tOmy`

    Absolutely agree. CDS is more of a stunt-performance and experimental circus, plus live music.

    It is really absurd and can be downright creepy at times, but it is very, very enjoyable. Most of their shows are “free” on t[redacted]ts.

  • Captain Turbo

    But why is all the rum gone?

  • I spent 6 hours watching a play by Krystian Lupa based on Alfred Kubin’s short story The Other Side. I wish I had weed. I’m pretty sure one of the actors smoked some on stage, though. It definitely didn’t smell like a cigarette.

  • Captain Turbo

    You take that back, Sheev!

  • tOmy`

    That is the best thing about theater – if you have a chance, spend some time with producers, actors, dramaturgs and generally the “theater” bunch. Your livers won’t appreciate it, but you sure will.

  • tOmy`

    One of my most favorite moments.

    Hey, I forgot to bring this trilogy up when we were talking about guilty pleasures!

  • Pretty much this. Most national theatres look classy, the rest… eeh not so much.

  • tOmy`

    Well, the nice looks help, sure, but then again – it is not necessary. You are going for the performance, not to get a massage.

    That is the reason why I love old cinemas so much. Fuck that multiplex bullshit with working sound and chairs that don’t feel like you are sitting on a torture device. There is no charm. There is no emotion. These fucking things are just a product of a Hollywood product based on something that used to be art.

  • This. There aren’t many old cinemas left over here, though. Most are being sold off or converted into overpriced ‘multiplexes’. Well, at least I rehearse at an old cinema from the early 1900s. It’s pretty dope. A hipsterific Polish band even made a music video inside it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=048ZtYGtMgU

  • RLMkeepitup

    I always laugh when I hear radio ads describe some anti-ageing expert or medication.

  • Everyone knows that semen is the best anti-ageing agent.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlDeKOTztdM

  • Bubs

    I wonder… what will you guys use as an excuse once you finish Space Cop? How will you justify your lazy production schedule once that movie rolls out? I mean, I’m sure it takes upwards of 80 hours to film a 30 minute show where you talk to each other about how shitty super hero movies are. Maybe you guys should ask Harry Knowles for some advice on defrauding a fanbase.

    But seriously, Yoda’s glad you’re okay.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    You just want Hugh Jackman to play you in the musical based on your life, Sheev! Sheev! Sheev!
    Edit: If this becomes real, Hollywood, please let Bob Geldof, Tracey Ullman, or Thom Yorke compose it.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I find this science controversial. Pornstars seem to age in dog years.

  • Captain Turbo

    Space Cop II!!!

    Or Gorilla Interrupted: More Interrupteder!!!

  • Palpatine

    Your favorite show is why it’s taking so long.

  • Maybe it depends on the quality of the sperm. I mean they produce it in mass quantities. Plus there’s the danger of all the STDs. Maybe they should try oxygenating their wombspaces or anal breathing.

  • Don’t worry, they’ll just release a ‘making of’ and a documentary describing ‘How not to make a movie. Again’.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    There are heroes on both sides, Bubs.

  • Pre-Rec?

  • tOmy`

    Really? I thought it’s pretty much the same. Our city has only one multiplex (the other one being outside of the city), while all the other old cinemas are preserved, widely supported by historians and when one of the most famous ones were close to bankruptcy, one of our universities “bought it” for 1 crown to have seminars and classes there, while in the night, the usual programs continues.

    We have also massive explosion of new “summer cinemas” (one of them being on boat) and “street cinemas” – basically a bunch of people agrees to use a public space to show a movie on a wall / blanket. Even our mayor supports it, they even made a small summer festival of movies show right outside the city hall.

  • Palpatine

    Yup.

  • tOmy`

    They once talked about it on stream – one BotW episodes takes up to two weeks of editing etc.

    It is all shot in one day, but it still can be a painful shit to go through and “create” the actual episode.

    But seriously, they are frauds.

  • Not only are we conservative but also we acquired turbo-capitalism after the transformation. We fed on the teat of Milton Friedman and were hungrier for more. It’s changing slowly but there are hardly any small cinemas left.

  • The streams take up hardly any of their working hours as they both do them after work. The episodes, are another thing, however.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    I heard it, but it was too late to save The Jar, justice had to be taken by the private citizen.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    *hack frauds

  • tOmy`

    Or maybe the finances ain’t funneled right.

    I honestly think that most of our old cinemas are keeping afloat just through donations, city support etc. I do my best to see my movie picks there, but sometimes it is just hard.

    I think that all special festivals / marathons help a lot. Hell, I even saw Radiohead: Live in Prague in one of our cinemas as part of the Sound & Lights project.

    It is odd, but at least in this city (not sure about Prague), these little places like old cinemas, used bookstores, small cafes and experimental theaters just seem to be freaking immortal.

    P.S.: “Used bookstores”? Really, English? You don’t have a better freaking term for that? Figures…

  • tOmy`

    Now with twoooo volcaaaanoooooes!

  • Bubs

    Why not outsource the editing to Canada?
    But seriously, that excuse only works for BotW, which only see about 4 a year. Stop being an RLM APOLOGIST!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    New content is like C*****mas, if you had it every day it wouldn’t be special.

  • Mr_Wint_Trans_Strong_Bow

    She portends to be a cop once.

  • RLMkeepitup

    its seriously gonna be hard to find 3 films more incompetent than these though

  • moisan4 .

    The door hinge squeak when Mike walked into the poll was
    brilliant.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Setup and payoff.

  • tOmy`

    That’s why I love them so much. It’s 55 minutes of hack-fraudian schlock and then it pulls off something this brilliant.

  • tOmy`

    [bored RLM voice]

    Did you guys notice that Quicksilver’s walkman plays the song at the normal speed while everything else is in slomo? You can find more of these earthshaking plotholes over at Dorkly dot medium. What other plotholes you may find there you ask?

    Well, since we are on the topic of Quicksilver, did you guys notice that he wears The Dark Side of the Moon t-shirt? Well, the movie is set in 1973 and that album didn’t exist back then.

    You know, I actually re-checked that information on the interweb and it seems like The Dark Side of the Moon came out in March 1973. Maybe those idiots should have checked the internet before WRITING THE FUCKING ARTI- *door hinge squeak effect*

    [/bored RLM voice]

    Good night.

  • Michael Collins

    Never mind

  • tOmy`

    😉

  • Earth

    I like Jesus Christ Superstar. I think the Pontius Pilate and King Herod songs are neat. It’s the only time you’ll catch me saying I like anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber though. I like a couple other Broadway musicals.

    I prefer old classic musicals like Sound of Music and My Fair Lady. I’m actually a big fan of Gilbert and Sullivan.

    Confession over (though allowing for questions).

  • Earth

    2:30am here in UK. Why am I still awake?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qxm0FXYBMmM

  • Palpatine
  • Captain Turbo

    I admit that I wrote The Jar. I will now hang my head in shame.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Goodnight, Potato asshole.

  • Amontillado

    It’s a stride of pride!

  • Amontillado
  • Amontillado
  • Amontillado
  • Jaws

    are you suggesting star wars should go on broadway

  • bassbait

    I live like 5 minutes from where CDS holds all of their shows, but it’d take me a lot of convincing to go inside and see it. To quote Wayne Jarvis, “I did not find their buffoonery amusing”. And to quote Lumpy, “this sucks”.

  • Jaws

    good movie that, freaks, we dont make movies like that anymore

  • Jaws

    still a better love story than twilight

  • Jaws

    47% of Americans believe the Earth was created 6 thousand years ago.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Jorge stole lines from the Hobbit spoken by Gandalf and gave them to Obi Wan in his third draft of Star Wars…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s interesting. Because CNN just recently released a study that 47% of American census takers are retarded.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    There is a pretty clear comparison. Jorge stole all his good ideas.

  • Palpatine

    Seriously?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    you can use statistics to prove anything. 9 out 0f 10 people know that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    In fact let’s count the similarities between Obi Wan and Gandalf:
    1. Gandalf/Obi Wan is a old friend to Luke but a lot of people don’t trust him
    2. In order to save the gang/Fellowship Obi Wan/Gandalf sacrifices himself in a battle against an enemy more powerful than anyone in the group.

  • Palpatine

    I’m just going to come out and say it, George Lucas is a terrible writer. It was the actors delivery that made the lines in Star Wars sound good.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    and the magic blue glowing swords.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Gandalf is quite knowledgeable about this quest and the foes involved as if he had some sort of personal experience with them. The same applies to Obi Wan.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I can see why he stole clever Tolkien dialogue.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Jedi are referred to as Sorcerer’s=Wizard.

  • Palpatine

    Wow, I guess we need to hate Star Wars now.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No you don’t. No one needs to because that dialogue works…only with those actors.

  • Jaws

    yeah

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Visually Gandalf is quite similar to Obi Wan.

  • Palpatine

    So basically Lucas is just an unoriginal hack who can’t write.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Wait, didn’t Mitt Romney say something about 47% of people? And now back to 9/11.
    Unrelated Scientology commercial to change the topic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dftaP5eLD0o

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No not really. In the wake of Lord of The Rings books tons of people tried to copy it and fail. Remember Excalibur directed by John Boorman? He wanted to make Lord of The Rings but couldn’t so he made King Arthur instead because wah. Lucas did it better and made it more like an homage.

  • Jaws

    would you have a negative view of lucas prior to the prequels though

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Excalibur is one of those movies that, if I’m flipping the channels, I’ll stay with no matter what scene is playing. All it needs is a slightly better score, something by Goblin perhaps. Also it’s nice to see Richard out and about and not being hen-pecked to death by Hyacinth.

  • Jaws

    we stand on the shoulders of giants

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Frodo is luke. a stupid kid that becomes a hero and destroys a much greater evil. frodo lost a finger luke lost a hand…

  • Palpatine

    People’s negative views of Lucas started in 1997 with the Special Editions, so yes, I would.

  • Jaws

    yeah you do have a point there lol

  • Jaws

    John Boorman the man who made the Exorcist such a grate franchise

  • Jaws

    peter jackson ruined the hobbit for everybody

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I never noticed the finger/hand thing. Also our main hero is also constantly being tempted by evil.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I still can’t believe Boorman wanted to make Lord of The Rings in the 70’s and 80’s.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Pity, there would have been more topless Elves.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    C3p0 R2D2 = Legolas and Gimli. Ones tall and gay the other is short and rude.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    *Ents.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    That is sad

  • Jaws

    omi is c3po and r2d2 is andrew ;p

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Me too, you can’t live on the east coast and not

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    see it is Rich Evans

  • Thanatos2k

    Team Blue won this one.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Gorge Lucass

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    If you haven’t noticed we are all being constantly tempted by evil

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    No he didn’t
    Boorman’s contributions include:
    Zardoz
    Excalibur
    Emerald forest
    to name a few.
    Two guys named William made the exorcist

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    He was better. Everybody forgets about THX-1138 which is a great film but also derivative

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Emperor’s guards look like Nazgul only in red

  • Jaws

    the penis is evil

  • Captain Turbo

    Ridiculous. It was created 3000 years ago.

  • Captain Turbo

    I do not know this Twilight of which you speak.

  • Captain Turbo

    Then you’re doing it wrong.

  • Thanatos2k

    “I’m nothing but a fraud”
    -Scientist Man

  • Jaws

    is that Bill Nye the Science Guy

  • richardwicks

    You can view The Love Butcher here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVTlDGyPdQc

    In all it’s blurry VCR glory. I never realized how bad NTSC was, and I fucking worked for RCA.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    VHS and Betamax looked acceptable on the TV sets of their time. Now, even the youtube window has a better resolution than old TVs. There’s also the thing with magnetic tapes losing in quality over time and usage.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    The gun is good

  • instant relief

    I’m not your PAL, buddy!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m not you buddy Guy!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    NeverTheSameColour twice.

  • Jaws

    and yet is not film basically tape, and if so, is not the vhs tape, the closest possible representation of a film

  • instant relief

    I’m not your guy, NTSC!

  • McDuck

    Thanks to this episode and the last wheel of the worst I now ship Mike+Rich… Rike? Mich? Richike? …. I need to phone the Enquirer for advice….

  • Marvin Falz

    Yeah, just use footage of Josh from this episode of BotW and splice it into the upcoming HitB you suggested and then let Mike voice Josh’s lines, so that it’s like Mike’s talking to himself. Sync Mike’s voice and Josh’s lip movements in a way that it feels awkward and funny to the viewer.

  • Marvin Falz

    Lava on Coruscant? That is amazing … and also deeply disturbing, cause now Coruscant and Mustafar are like inseparably connected in my mind, a total union, over which I’m totally obsessing. I think, I need some bleach. And while I’m at it, I think I’m going to take a whiff of Raid.

  • Marvin Falz

    You know, what I’m wondering? Why do Kirk and Spock shippers call them Spirk, which sounds strange and meaningless to my ears? Why don’t they just outright call them Kock? Okay, this name sounds stupid but it has a meaning that comes right to the point.

    Also, is Mike fishing for shipping? Is it okay now to say things like “Team Rainbow has gone too far in a few places, but it’s cute how much they care for each other”?

  • Marvin Falz

    In my mind the image of the golf tee in the forehead is now strangely linked to Mike’s favorite golf training video from the 90s.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yeah like the dolphin’s said “So long and thanks for all the fish.”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Dont call me SCART PAL!

  • Jaws

    dont worry, in like 10 years there wont be any such thing as dolphins or fish, global warming baby, were all gonna die.

  • Frodo was in his 50s in the book.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    yeah but thats a kid by hobbit standards.

  • Touché.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’ll open your eyes! And you’re going to like what you see… Or else!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    More like Content’lla Interrupted!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    You mean quadrilogy? Or rather, the soon to be quintology.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Funny; I put on some music before reading this, and the song that comes up is “Immortal” by Marina and the Diamonds.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Actually, when it comes to fucking hundreds of people without protection, porn is probably the best way to do it. The industry is pretty careful when it comes to checking up on the stars for STDs. I think it’s like a job benefit for them or something.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Theater people sometimes smoke “herbal cigarettes” on stage, which tend to smell like weed.

    http://www.stage-directions.com/component/content/article.html?id=453:solutions-to-smoking-onstage

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Time to watch Doctor Who… ITS Atardid.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    This is the finest old cinema in my city that’s still in use since 1927:
    https://kavi.fi/sites/default/files/styles/big_image/public/page/fields/field_kuva/orion_aula_ovelle.jpg?itok=KamNQwGI
    https://kavi.fi/sites/default/files/styles/big_image/public/page/fields/field_kuva/orion_sisa_3_0.jpg?itok=HUsChEOy

    Nowadays it works as a film archive and I go there way more than the commercial theaters. It also has some of the most comfortable seats. Unfortunately the archive thing might be moving to a more modern space pretty soon. Who knows what happens to the theater after that.

  • tOmy`

    The last one was atrocious, I deny its existence.

  • tOmy`

    I promised myself to hold back with music posts to not flood this webzone with useless stuff, but this is actually RLM-related.

    Guess who is back? Peaches is back! Check out the single from her new album Rub featuring no other than equally dirty punk-rock queen Kim Gordon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rnJAe3zuzQ

    #hype

  • tOmy`

    “I know.”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Thats old dude. Rage has been playing that for months. but the random tit milk blasting was definitely random.

  • tOmy`

    Oh yea, the single is old, but I think the album dropped 2 days ago.

  • tOmy`

    Have you seen The People vs. George Lucas?

  • bleurgh

    Also, their improvisation skills. Harrison Ford reworked and ad-libbed all of his best lines.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    tOmy Get a VPN and start streaming Rage, i feel sad watching it knowing you cant.

    http://www.abc.net.au/rage/archive/s4315583.htm

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “flood this webzone with useless stuff” ?

    Dude you do more resarch for your music reviews then Jack and Rich do for their average PreRec review/stream. Besides offtopic comments are the best comments.

  • bleurgh

    That’s always been the one that throws me, all evidence points to him being a hack-fraud, so how do you explain THX-1138?

  • bleurgh

    Tolkien is the most over-rated English language author, with the possible exception of Ayn Rand. He was good at coming up with interesting characters, but that’s only 3 percent of those LOTR books, the rest is terrible poetry and overly detailed mythology that contributes nothing to the story. This is why despite their flaws I think the LOTR films are better than the books. They got rid of the bloat. I don’t feel the same way about the Hobbit films which seemed to actually add bloat to what was a relatively concise and interesting story. Don’t even get me started on The Simarillion, which is everything that was wrong with LOTR only times 1000.

  • bleurgh

    Also he blatantly modelled the story on Joseph Campbells Hero narrative from The Hero With A Thousand Faces.

  • HAHA. Rub.

  • bleurgh

    That figures into the Joseph Campbell Hero Narrative, there’s something about the protagonist making a personal sacrifice in order to overcome their hubris.

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of research: I knew Kim is pretty old, but holy shit, that chick is 62.

    So I guess I should stop calling her a “chick”. Anyway, pretty impressive for a lady her age.

  • Continued in part 2…

  • Earth

    Especially Fragnon.

  • Jaws

    the movies were best when doing the novel verbatim, and worst when straying from it, with few exceptions, but those exceptions are when the movie enhanced the imagery, which is not hard when one is a visual medium.

  • Speaking of facials… now I’ve heard everything. Damn Jesuits. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR-IdlAKrwc

  • tOmy`

    Damn, I hope she didn’t copyrighted the term Nukkake, because that is either a rad name for a band, or a logical progression for hentai.

  • tOmy`

    I went through some of her other stuff… I mean come on, this can’t be real. She is either on a pharma-grade crytal meth cut with outer-space-shrooms, or she is a great freaking actress.

  • What’s up with the Brent Spiner thing? Never understood that?(never understood anything she puts out) Is she a stalker or just a home-Trekkie gone wrong? Does she collect LtCdr Data-dolls? What is her favorite Brent Spiner moment? Give me answers damnit!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yay! the Airforce is keeping me awake… they keep droning on….
    get it?
    Seriously GlobeMaster.TM keep up the good work.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    What the living serious fuck?!!!
    did someone tell her Bukkake means ‘Really Fucked.’?

  • Amontillado

    She will always be our chick, in our hearts.

  • Probably the Jesuits.

  • Amontillado

    Call it them Jaymike Richjock = Jay+Mike+Rich+Josh+Jack … *sniff* *sniff* AND JESSI, WAAAAAAAAA!

  • Amontillado

    It is his nemesis and alter ego: SCIENTIST MAN (Mike in a scientist outfit)

  • Amontillado

    Shut your dirty whore mouth, Team Green took this round. GO GREEN!

  • instant relief

    Drink moar whiskey!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    i only got rum?!!…. am i going to die?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    They’re fucked, so they would know.

  • instant relief

    Mmmm, probably. I can take care of your rum tho.. It’ll be in safe hands! I promiSSe!

  • instant relief

    Parlé vous francais?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    OK, i’ll post it in the morning i SchutzsStaffel….

  • Jaws

    it was you on the grassy knoll wasnt it

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    He is polish why are you being nice? is this a trap?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Both times…. its complicated.

  • instant relief

    Awesome, just send it to the nearest Führerbunker.

  • tOmy`

    She will always be my Little Trouble Girl, that’s for sure.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJWJcSTPNpM

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, it’s great.

  • tOmy`

    I brought it up because I think it paints a great picture of both the fanbase (and the ridiculous argument) and George himself.

    The neutrality helped a lot in this regard.

    Plus: Woah! I did not expect The Onion editor looking like that! I love that dude.

  • tOmy`

    Dear Fincher and many others: While translating mostly crime-related documents I realized one thing.

    Your stories ain’t shit in comparison to what people can do to other people in reality. Yet again, I am spending my weekend in company of people so fucking awful I have an urge to punch the computer and just go for a walk in a park.

  • TapewormBike

    HBO realized this way ago. Anybody seen There’s Something Wrong with Aunt Diane? That’s a seriously unnerving doc involving only painfully normal people.

  • TapewormBike

    Also, walk in a park in Brno? And how are you getting away from crime in that scenario?

  • tOmy`

    This whole city is basically one big park, you know, because we ain’t Prague. We actually do have the green color represented in our city.

    But honestly, our inner-city forests and parks are really safe, obviously when avoiding them during winter at 2am. And even then, the chances of mugging or anything else are pretty much close to zero.

    And yes, I am surprised by that.

  • instant relief

    I shall turn him into nail polish!

  • TapewormBike

    I live in the most parky part of Prague, so, like, suck it. No, but seriously, I usually just end up in the very center of Brno and that’s like concrete on concrete under a bum.

  • tOmy`

    Exactly.

    There is some crazy shit happening to people in reality. Damn, even the “cult” music documentary Dig! is a shocking window into how rock music looks even after 2000.

    Speaking of Dig, have you seen Dig? I heard it’s great.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWK29MmRxTo

  • TapewormBike

    It’s on the pile next to Anvil

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Who knew that the job of a translator could be so mentally taxing? You go to the shrink?

  • Ogrot

    I don’t remember this episode of The Office. I guess Jenna Fischer will say anything for a dollar.

  • TapewormBike

    He comes by and I tax him in all the other areas.

  • tOmy`

    There are like 3 massive parks about 5 minutes long walk from the center.

    Speaking of: If you have a chance to come here when it’s still warm, I strongly suggest to grab a beer or two and hang around our brand new fountain in front of Janáčkovo Divadlo. There are new benches, a lot of grass to sit on and it is pretty amazing hangout place.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2mMmx4FIQs

  • tOmy`

    I honestly worked on some series that freaked me the fuck out.

  • TapewormBike

    I would love to, I just don’t get much in that whole area. Haven’t seen my mom in months, so beer might wait.

  • tOmy`

    “Beer might wait”?

    But… but how?

  • Ogrot

    Anyway guys this bukkake bomb sounds like serious business. We should all email Vladimir Putin and CC Brent Spiner.

  • TapewormBike

    I am pretty good at that. Man, the last alcogolic thing was…

    (OK, wine and vodka at my friend’s place a week ago)

    ..rum in cookies, lol!

  • TapewormBike

    I think it would be the baby pageant ones that’d kill me.

  • tOmy`

    Or Gypsy Sisters.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KM4B1U0VS4g

    This is golden.

  • Ogrot

    The Simarillion was just a notebook of lore that was never intended for publishing. His hack fraud son decided to put it out posthumously with himself and some other hack fraud editor doctoring it to make a quick buck off of Tolkien’s literary resurgence in the 70’s.

  • TapewormBike

    Need a hug?

  • TapewormBike

    I wonder if there will be a Jurassic World sequel.

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahanosebleed

  • Palpatine

    A sequel is set for 2018. Look, for all its faults, Jurassic World was, to me anyway, a guilty pleasure. It worked fine as its own follow up to the original, and there seems to be no reason for a sequel, as it ended on a good note.

  • TapewormBike

    ‘cept moanies

  • Palpatine

    What?

  • It will be “Jurassic Galaxy” and combine with MCU with 2 Chris Pratts and a dino-human clone baby that wants to shoot blue lasers into the sky back on Earth.

  • TapewormBike

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PrBQ6Bh2phg/T4hupUtYn2I/AAAAAAAAADI/_70J5XphPoY/s1600/ConfusedDog.j

    No reason to sequelize it except money. I dunno, man, I get that the movie was not bad, but the succes of it does not seem like a good sign to me overall.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Those are not the kind of gypsies I’m used to! These are: http://i.imgur.com/102vhze.jpg

  • Palpatine

    The same thing can be said with the first one, except that one actually critically acclaimed.

  • TapewormBike

    Well yes, the sequels sucked ass too.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It ain’t exactly news. No horror/comedy/drama/thriller can usually match to just how truly tense,fucked up,funny, and borderline retarded life.

  • Palpatine

    The Lost World wasn’t that bad. The effects and action were good, but the characters either sucked or were boring. Except for one; Pete Poselthwaite as the lead hunter, he’s amazing in that film.

  • Jaws

    a raptor gettin taken out by a gymnast, speilberg mustve been high

  • Jaws

    dude they gonna rape that franchise til its bleedin from the asshole

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It was exactly that bad and then some…and a bag of potato chips.

  • TapewormBike

    It just felt extremely unfocused in the story and tone. I remember seeing it and Phantom Menace in theater as a kid and being blown away by both, so I guess there’s your answer to the mystery of why there will be more.

  • TapewormBike

    I seriously doubt it will be that sexy

  • Buk Pravon

    Honestly, even though I am a fan of this games myself, I don’t give any fucks about what the fanboys wan’t. I would like to make a good movie. The best I can. And I don’t think HL1 + 2 are good movie stories the way they are executed in the games. Just won’t work.

  • TapewormBike

    Seriously guys, free hugs.

  • Palpatine

    But Jurassic World had Bryce Dallas Howard in it, isn’t that sexy enough?

  • TapewormBike

    Whoa, your typos are getting out of hand. But yes, Chris Pratt suffices in that particular matter.

    #Hunkalicious

  • Jaws

    ah the lady in the water, well shamalot thought so i guess.

  • Niccageshair

    It was same guy who made the French Connection

  • Niccageshair

    Once you get past that first book of LOTR it’s great because it’s all story but jesus that first book is roughhhhhhhhh.

  • Jaws

    the first one comes across as pandering in order to make as much cash as possible, ”thats a veggie sauras” a fucking veggie saurus, fuck you speiberg and your veggie saurauses lol

  • tOmy`

    Jurassic World: Veloride

    Yes, in this one, velociraptors actually learn how to ride bikes and fight other bike gangs for the market share of meth business.

    Chris Pratt will be brought up from his new job in absolutely unrelated Parks & Recreations department (fuck new ideas), he will then team up with the SAMCRO from Sons of Anarchy and together they will go all Hamlet on their asses.

    People will say it was the most smarterest movie ever, because it had velociraptors in it.

  • tOmy`

    Good note? Did they finally realized that it might be about time to nuke that fucking island and maybe open up a feeding zoo with goats?

  • Palpatine

    Which Spielberg films do you like besides the obvious one?

  • Niccageshair

    This is the best thing the Jurassic series has given us. The secret ending to one of the video games.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4_jMfBq3dc

  • Palpatine

    Maybe not a good note, more like a conclusive one.

  • Jaws

    jurassic park coulda been a contender ahhh well maybe it was the system that forced his hand

  • TapewormBike

    Praise the Lord, MGSV Pre Rec is up

  • tOmy`

    Fingers crossed for negative review.

  • TapewormBike

    I wonder

  • Jaws

    hmm none actually, i should like ET because everybody else does, but i found it boring. in fact i think short circuit is better lol

  • bleurgh

    E.T. sucks

  • Jaws

    yes, yes it does

  • bleurgh

    Close Encounters is a fucking snooze too

  • Like Icare

    I offer a similar service.

  • Jaws

    agreed lol, absolutely.

  • Like Icare

    Sounds like a solution for a xenomorph infestation.
    Nukkake from the orbit. When you absolutely, positively have to exterminate a bitch, accept no substitutes.

  • Like Icare

    ‘SECAM, ‘se go…

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’m pretty sure VHS/Betamax magnetic tapes (like audio cassette tapes) are not very similar to celluloid-type/filmstrip technology. Film is more like photography, but with audio information.

  • Like Icare

    Oh pleaaaase…
    In the world of 50 Shades you pick those two?

    As Feynman puts it, there’s plenty of room at the bottom.
    And then you take a shovel and start digging for the next fan-fiction-turned-global-literary-phenomenon.

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    Want some space-meth?

  • jay (Fragnon) stein

    He was young and inspired, that is until Warner Brothers damaged his soul

  • Cream-A-Thon

    This is so crying out for a 3 minute long hip-hop remix.

  • Miranda Lindsey Merrill

    Watching this video I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d see Future War before, but I couldn’t remember where. Then it hit me. I had my first make out session to that movie in my then boyfriend’s parent’s basement. So romantic. Future War and chill??

  • Cream-A-Thon

    …and pass the ammunition.

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  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    That’s what “Warrior of the Lost World” needed … more incest.

  • Andrey Tarkovsky Reference

    The video game was awesome!

  • richardwicks

    BTW – I worked with SECAM too. It made parallel printer cables look like DVI cables. That fucker was a beast.

    I also know what Mintel is, for brownie points.

    RCA was owned by Thomson – they’re french. The most important thing I learned working for RCA was, socialism is a nice idea on paper, but it’s impractical in the real world. The head of the company at one point was a bureaucrat, that never ran a business in his life but he was very well connected. He was a stupid shit head that sucked shitty asshole to the top. He couldn’t run a monopoly on air conditioners on the equator and turn a profit.

    And if there are any communists or socialists listening to this, work for a fucking communist or a socialist (either one) and let your bread and butter depend on that. The only way the system works is when the government pulls out money from the public sector, or borrows it from other nations, to stay alive.

  • richardwicks

    Do you remember a film called Alien vs. Predator? How about The Phantom Menace?

    All franchises are run 60 feet under before they are abandoned. Of course there’s going to be a sequel, and several more, then a reboot, more sequels, then another reboot, and it will only stop when it’s no longer profitable – 15-30 years from now.

    There’s, what, 6 Paranormal Activities? The first one sucked, but it made money. It was shot for $6 dollars. Adam Sandler still can work and he makes Jerry Lewis look like a comic genius.

    You have to realize, idiots drive the market and you also have to realize, you may be one of those idiots. If you’re a “fanboy” of any type, I’d take a serious look in the mirror.

  • GriefClownVenom

    I can identify with this feeling – I once thought, “haven’t I heard Jason Alexander voice a fire detector before? While napping through 7th grade science class?”

    I also realized my dad mercifully spared me from renting Robot Jox when I was about 7. Thanks pops.

  • Derrick Cryderman

    Warrior of the Lost World is like the best movie ever

  • Tritium3H

    Mike and the Bots (MST3K) did a great episode on “Future War”– Season 10 Episode 04.

  • My last pay check was $8626
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  • Jon Jordan

    Hey, what’s that music that plays when Mike drinks? The cue is hilarious, but I can’t help but think that it would be funnier if I knew what it was from.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Hey just wanted to say hi. not much i can do from here. just wanted to remind you people you never met like you.
    You’re never alone.

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    Brilliant episode, but WHEN”S THE NEW PLINKETT DAMMIT
    thanks

  • LoveSW_Prequels

    I think it’s just from White Fire. The 3rd movie they watch

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    David Lynch ripped off the spooky homeless man bit for Mulholland Drive. Fucking David Lynch…

  • Trask

    Josh looks really old.

  • My ex wife

    When I think gypsies, I think this.
    http://www.volkszone.co.uk/brian/PIKEYS.jpg

    I’m not a violent person, but I do strongly believe that all Gypsie, Pikeys and Irish travellers should be purged from the face of the earth with extreme prejudice.

  • My ex wife

    Close but it is actually 2015 years old, because that’s when time started.

  • My ex wife

    What’s happened to Broadway, Palpy? Used to be you could come to one of these things and the wind would be RUSHING DOWN THE PLAIN or a fairy on a string would go over the audience . . . but NOW! Palpy, I ask you: is THIS entertainment?

  • bretweir

    Please do more of these! I just watched Future War and it was great.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Robot Jox was awesome. You take that back. You take that back now!

  • Joe Syxpac

    I’m really bummed they didn’t get to watch Love Butcher.

    Maybe somebody will perform a transplant and they’ll get to watch it next time.

  • Cakefarts

    Essay format. Your answer will comprise half your mark. Why is Josh known as “The Wizard?” Discuss.

  • Smegman

    He was conceived during a hot night after a dinner and movie. The movie? The Wiz.

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  • Beyond Boredom

    No, no and thrice no.

  • The Wicker Man (BWF)

    Because his condescending and mean spirited comments to Rich are magical.

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  • signa

    That ending to The Jar was so poetic. No, I don’t mean the actual movie, the end to the tape of it.

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  • gerberbaby1958

    Really great episode!

  • Kaymonstar

    The death of the jar was beautiful.

  • Kaymonstar

    Future was was a pleasent suprise. One of my favorite episodes of MST3K. 😀 Right up there with The Final Sacrifice and Quest of the Delta Knights.

  • Alberto Tuican

    Someone posted on the YouTube.

    The song name is Get It, by Marco Fultz (Album: Tru Honesty)

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  • Jonah Falcon

    Was he? I never watched Mortal Kombat: Conquest.

  • Kenshiroh

    Yes, he played Siro. The rest of the sentence is not true, though; it’s a reference to a running gag in Phelous’ reviews of Conquest.
    http://phelous.com/category/phelous/mortal-combat-conquest/

  • Jonah Falcon

    I meant the “greatest ever” remark. I know he was in the show. Didn’t watch.

  • Groth1175

    Rowsdowers heart just exploded!

  • Reginald Van Der Slythe III

    I’m going to assume action wins here, since I saw White Fire last month and it’s pretty amazing. I also have to assume The Jar is the “one of the worst,” since I’ve never even heard of it; and if Future War is one of the worst things you’ve seen, you clearly haven’t seen enough bad movies, which I know isn’t the case with these guys.

    Time to watch and find out!

  • Reginald Van Der Slythe III

    …….huh. Future War as the BotW. I didn’t see that coming, although I can’t really argue as it’s definitely a laugh riot. I seem to have liked White Fire more than you guys. I’m disappointed you just brushed off Fred Williamson being in that movie, though. His part’s not big, but he’s entertaining as always.

    Watching the acetone fuck up The Jar was incredible. That may be my favorite movie destruction method to date.

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  • B S

    Mike, don’t you work in a VCR REPAIR SHOP?!? Get off your fat lazy ass and get that Love Butcher tape out!!

    Put that twink, Jay to work on it!

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  • Bosma

    Were the music stingers that played while Mike took swigs from the cartoonishly large flask and staring awkwardly at Rich Evans taken from the Turkish version of Midnight Cowboy?

    Seriously. I’m really curious. Thanks…

  • Kaymonstar

    The sides of his heart are blowing out like old tires.

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  • Jon Jordan

    One more question, I know it was stated in a different video, but I can’t find it. Where is the music during the “Science Man” portion from?

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  • That actually sounds kind of clever. The “2 Chris Pratts” part is what sells it as a potentially good parody.

  • HOW AND WHY DID E.T. END UP IN THAT DITCH!?

  • Jeez. You are right. I guess I would watch it.

  • It wasn’t a joke. That IS going to be the sequel. I know a guy that knows a guy that works at the theatre that is next to an IMAX. Solid info.

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  • Jon Jordan

    Can you clarify where it’s mentioned where that music is?

  • CalamityCorp

    This is the earliest video I can think of where the “Scientist Man Theme” is used (at 0:04). That’s it.

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  • stryker1121

    Thanks for saving me the google on Obscure Sighs.

  • Jonah Falcon

    You guys don’t remember the MST3K version?

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  • Jonah Falcon

    Oh, and “Obscure Sighs” was the director. Mystery solved.

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  • Jonah Falcon

    You mean 5th?

  • Jonah Falcon

    I remember it most as the door sound effect from The Elder Scrolls III: Daggerfall.

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  • Bravo Romeo

    My favorite thing in the world is the face Mike makes when he’s trying not to laugh.

  • Soiled Pants

    Oh, Mike….

  • Kyle

    At 37:06, you wrote “Obscure Sigh’s existence” but you should’ve wrote “Obscure Sighs’ existence” because the music was by Obscure Sighs, not Obscure Sigh.

  • Kyle

    The sad music they play for example at 50:20, did they get that from some B movie?

  • Mike Magnum

    ITs probably a good thing they mentioned Future Wars was on MST3k. Last time the Comment Sections was in a riot.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    They are from Wisconsin and they watch movies and make fun of them; pretending they aren’t aware of MST3K seems kind of a dick move.

  • davidwemyers

    Loved the episode, but I did find it kind of funny that they emphasize what a nobody Daniel Bernhardt is. Look up his IMDb, he’s been in several big movies.

  • Ren1

    Istambul! What a beautiful city!

  • Valdis Fox

    https://soundcloud.com/jacob-kandlaker/synth-popular

    In allllll it’s glory. I love this tune.

  • Valdis Fox

    My needlessly long search for the “Scientist Man” segment music (a.k.a. RLM talks about Prometheus music) is over. Oh, happy day!

    https://soundcloud.com/jacob-kandlaker/synth-popular

  • Jon Jordan

    I Love you, man. Thanks so much!

  • Jon Jordan

    If you happen to find the credits music for the Pre Rec show during the END screen, post it as well, i’ve been looking around for it. 😀

  • disqus_ijUXwFvK92

    One of my favorite episodes. Laugh every time when the drinking music plays.

  • Mike Schwartz

    At 45:28, we would have also accepted “existential angst”.

  • I think that is as destroyed as a VHS-tape can get.

  • Jeremy Saurette

    I’m dying to know what the music is during the flask drinking. It’s been eating me up inside for weeks. Even tweeted Jay and Jack but no response.

  • Citizen Insane

    “Greenwich Village” by The Ringtones.

  • Jeremy Saurette

    Thanks so much. You’re awesome! I found the scientist man music and the i squeeze gats from the end of the plinkett reviews now I just need to find the music they use for their ringtone all the time. Like in the episode where they are on the run and Jay has eaten his cell phone.

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