Best of the Worst: A Very Cannon Christmas

December 23, 20152,181 Comments

It’s the holiday season, yet again! Join the Red Letter Media gang as they celebrate by opening presents that contain either shitty Christmas specials or violent 80s action movies made by the good people at Cannon Films!

Filed in: Best of the Worst

  • Jonathan Lindsey

    First.

  • Rick Sanchez

    There has a been an awakening, in my pants!

  • Palpatine

    A new BotW, it’s a Christmas miracle!

  • bassbait

    Thirst.

  • bassbait

    OH SHIT DEATH WISH 3!!!

    That makes 2 BOTW movies I’ve seen.

  • Big Red

    Festivus miracle you mean

  • bassbait

    oh wow they’re doing The Christmas Tree too? Wow.

  • Sully

    There has been an awakening… in my pants.

    Pound Sign: ChristmasHasCumAFewDaysEarlyThisYear

  • ♫ Oooooh my grooin. Ooooh my groooin. Ooooh my groin. Ooooh my groin. ♫
    ♫ It’s a Christmas miracle. Ho ho ho ho ho hoooo. ♫

  • Merry Xmas you wonderful fox. I wov U.

    #FromSatan #IMeanSanta #HailSanta

  • Ooooh Palpy I could give you a wet drooly christmas hug. But you’re out and Grand Emperor Snoke is in.

  • XoXo. You win! Christmas magic hugs.

  • MERRRY XMAS AAAND HUUUUUGS!

  • bassbait

    <3

  • Sully

    Merry X-mas back, your Boss Nassiness.

    http://i.imgur.com/rxPISmP.jpg

  • bassbait

    they discussed all of the best Death Wish 3 moments besides 2 –

    Bill from Bill and Ted shows up in a scene, they missed that.

    And then there’s one scene where Charles Bronson leans down on one knee, while only like 30 feet away from two bad guys shooting at him the whole time, and he slowly kills both of them separately. It’s so hilarious, the whole time you’re just thinking “THEY’RE ONLY 30 FEET AWAY WHY CAN’T THEY HIT HIM??”

  • Like Icare

    Aw dammit… I need to take a nap first… and was planning to get some work done after.
    Guess I’m in for more guilt and self-loathing…

  • Rasputin Varez

    Death Wish is fucking great, the whole series is so fucking gooooooood!

    And the best thing about Invasion USA is that it’s literally the plot of the bay of pigs, something America ACTUALLY did to Cuba. It’d be like Muslims making a film about America flying planes into Mecca.

  • Sully

    Now… back to 9/11.

  • bassbait

    when are they going to do a bad rom-com Valentine’s Day BOTW?

  • bassbait

    why is Jay wearing Neon yellow socks?

  • bassbait

    or maybe Lime green.

  • Rick Sanchez

    Christmas!

  • Rick Sanchez

    YOUR A FUCKING CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

  • Rasputin Varez

    When there are good rom-coms to compare them to

  • James Earl Jones

    Yay!
    I was just thinking if there would be another video from you guys, but maybe you would spend time with your families instead and would leave us hanging. 🙁
    Not this time, though!

  • bassbait

    I’m so fucking ready for 2016. This year was a nightmare.

  • bassbait

    sounds like someone needs to watch Harold and Maude

  • Dean

    MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HACK FRAUDS

  • tOmy`

    Christmas? LOL, that is so 2012. Cool kids celebrate Hannuka these days.

  • bassbait

    no but seriously, Death Wish 3 is one of the best “so bad it’s good” movies. It just strips out all of the “we’re trying to be a serious, decent movie” and just cuts straight to brute force and blunt stupidity. It’s amazing. I highly recommend it. I think it’s a “bad movie” that everyone can enjoy.

  • playdude92 .

    But now you showed me all the best parts of Death Wish 3 …?

    Maybe there´s a Death Wish collection to binge on a boring Sunday…

  • tOmy`

    So one of our magazines has this Star Wars review:

    They say that Rey is much more badass character than Furiosa, re-titled the movie to “Girl Force Awakens” and said that “Don’t hold my hand” line will be the most famous line of blockbuster history.

    Now I don’t know if you are following the subtle pattern here… That’s right, they forgot about Finn, fucking racists.

    #BlackJedisMatter

  • Once you go Jedi, you never go back.

  • Sully

    At first I read your hashtag as “Black Jedi’s Master.”

  • tOmy`

    “12 Years of Resistance”

  • Adzl33t

    I was so excited for A Christmas Tree review, PS I don’t fully counted as a full thought out animated movie review for Half in the Bag, but still that movie is pretty funny to me

  • Bart Crowe

    Fucking love Death Wish 3!!!

  • Palpatine

    Aw man, they didn’t destroy anything.

  • So, no live stream this year then?

  • Palpatine

    Nope.

  • bassbait

    Jay got sad that people were recording the stream.

  • Sully

    War on Christmas confirmed.

  • I first saw Deathwish 3 at the age of 14 during a 24 hour coach journey to Austria with the school. The teachers apparently decided that the best way to entertain a bus load of kids for such a long period of time was to show a succession of hilariously violent 18-rated movies.

  • yonderTheGreat

    Chuck Norris got his truck from the dealer who provided the car in Lady Terminator.

  • Like Icare

    Cause most people can’t shoot for shit. Even with an accurate gun. In ideal conditions.
    Final year of high school we had target shooting as a part of our civil defense class.
    At 100 meters I got 3 out of 3 test shots and 5 out of 5 “in the black” – i.e. 6 or higher, which is a circle with the diameter of 60 cm in the center of a 1×1 meter target.
    I thought I was pretty decent considering it was my first time in life firing a gun and second time holding it – first being couple of weeks earlier when we broke down and reassembled an AK in class.

    Then I find out that most other kids barely hit the entire target.
    OK… fine… we’re kids, half of us girls, there is an element of strength to holding the gun steady, there’s buzzing in your ears and your sight gets blurred after that first shot…

    Fast forward couple of years later and I’m in the army, same shooting range, only now we are shooting at targets without the inner black circle but with the same scoring – inner 60 cm circle counts.
    I hit 5 out of 6 on account of being a clumsy idiot who forgets to click the gun all the way to single fire instead of to burst – so the second shot went off to who knows where.
    Average score for the battalion? 4 out of 6. And that was rounded up. Most guys barely got 3 shots in.

    In both cases, both me and everyone else fired from prone position, a clean and well maintained gun, aiming carefully – but with little to no experience and training in actually firing a gun.
    Bullets are expensive and the range is a couple of hours march away from the barracks.
    Sure… we got a lot of theoretical schooling and a lot of practice in cleaning and reassembling the guns… but that’s it.

    It’s a trainable skill… but most people suck at it.

  • durhay

    MITCHELL Borgnein

  • Michael Collins

    Best end credits ever!

  • Pim Scutney

    Cannon Films for Christmas? Rich was right last year: Baby Jesus is an asshole.

  • Hedgecore

    It was not a white Christmas that year because Charles Bronson murdered everyone’s cocaine dealer.

  • bassbait

    Carrie Fisher’s back though.

  • Up voted for Ernest Borg-nein!

  • Like Icare

    If anyone’s lines get famous… it will be Fin or Han.
    Just like Luke doesn’t have much to say besides talk about converters, shooting wamp rats and being a Jedi like his father.
    Hero on the journey doesn’t get to be a wise-cracking smartass life-wisdom sage of cool.
    At best he/she can hope of is an “I know kung fu” or a “Whoa.”

    Cause hero needs to be both an empty vessel AND an inquiring individual in search for wisdom.

    And that’s besides the fact that THAT line is a rather negative and angry one, that can’t really be used in everyday conversation without coming off as a prick.

  • bassbait

    Nah, Carrie Fisher’s lines are the ones that will be famous.

  • bassbait

    I guess the next film I’m watching will be “The Babadook”, which appears to be “Creepypasta: The Movie”.

    Nobody ruin it for me I’m going in almost completely blind!!!

  • Geahk Burchill

    Isn’t Bill from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure one of Marina Sirtis’s attackers in Deathwish?

  • bassbait

    yes. He’s one of the thugz in the film at least.

  • David

    If that “Gang Signs” VHS on the shelf doesn’t turn up in the next Wheel of the Worst I’m going to watch the prequels, and like it.

  • Robotpals

    So… whatever happened to Jessie?

  • Palpatine

    Jessi died on the way back to her home planet.

  • Palpatine

    It’s really good. That’s all I’ll say.

  • bassbait

    she decided to stop being involved after finding out that there are quite a few RLM fans who are creepy shitheads. That’s the latest rumor I’ve heard.

  • TheManHole

    Hey you have returned and are new a Jedi it seems.

  • bassbait

    It looks good. But it also looks like creepypastas, which are very bad.

    Though if you took some of the ideas of creepypastas and did them well and chucked out the bad shit, it would make for a good horror experience.

  • This was quite enjoyable. Mainly thanks to the Cannon films.

  • Palpatine

    And Mulva getting struck by lightning.

  • Thank the gods. I needed something to distract me from hating on Star Wars. I’m more of a Star Trek fellow anyways.

  • yellowface

    Wow, a new BotW episode right after the latest Half in the Bag? Boy, it sure hit me like a… CANNON?

  • Commander X

    I had the novelization of “Invasion USA” on my shelves at one point, got it with a couple of bargain boxes of books being sold at a used bookseller, you know the whole “here’s some boxes of books that have been on our shelves for ages, we need to move them” deal. The novel was by one “Jason Frost” which a house name used for “The Warlord” a series of action-adventure novels published by Zebra Books, shared by a couple of authors named Raymond Obstfeld and Rich Rainey, who both had written various novels in that whole “action adventure” latter 20th century genre that had been a thing back then.

  • Palpatine

    You are? I thought you were a Battlestar Galatica judging by your profile picture.

  • Strong_Bow

    Welcome back, Fox friend.

  • Hedgecore

    Dude, she’s right there! Sitting snugly next to Mike on the couch.

  • TheManHole

    From the mid-4800s until 5978, The Jedi Order had a policy which prevented most men of black African descent from being ordained to the Jedi Order. This resulted in these members being unable to participate in some temple ordinances. Though the Order had an open membership policy for all races.

    Beginning in the 5960s, however, the Jedi Order was criticized by civil rights advocates and religious groups, and in 5969 several Jedi Masters voted to rescind the policy, but the vote was not unanimous among the members of the Jedi Order. In 5978, The change seems to have been prompted at least in part by problems facing mixed race converts in Tatooine.

    In 5997, there were approximately 500,000 black members of the Jedi Order accounting for about five percent of the total membership; most black members live in Tatooine, Jakku, and Yavin 4.

  • She deserved that. That movie must have been a real pain to watch.

  • Up voted for disregarding internet etiquette.

  • Hedgecore

    Well, it sure looks like her to me and not a chubby man with a beard!

  • Palpatine

    Are the Death Wish movies a little too mainstream for BotW?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Probably.

  • bassbait

    arguably so, because it isn’t uncovering a hidden gem. But I think a lot of people know Death Wish without having *seen* Death Wish, so it still works. 3 in particular is amazing, but I remember 2 being funny bad too.

  • bassbait

    that joke was very fooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrceeed awakens I give up

  • bassbait

    all of the youtubers that I watch manage to make their “christmas specials” the worst things they’ve ever done.

    RLM are an exception. They actually are entertaining for the holidays.

  • Sully

    Good to be back.

  • Your joke has been officially declared non-canon.

  • Palpatine

    I haven’t seen any of them, but I know that the first one was kind of a big deal when it came out, mainly because of its graphic content and vigilante justice plot.

  • Sully

    I constructed my new saber from a late model Dodge Neon and an old microwave. It’s powered by green crystal meth.

  • Jonathan Jimenez

    29:30, watch as Charles Bronson shoots down a cop that wasnt in the scene right before he started unloading into the crowd of “thugs”

  • yonderTheGreat

    lol I just saw that too!

  • bassbait

    I say check out Death Wish 3. Imagine all of the things that are fun about 80’s action movies, minus any of the things that would cause critics to praise it.

    Also, they REALLY undersold the soundtrack. Check this shit out –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_28qZhm-uJk

  • Joe Syxpac

    Marina Sirtis getting raped is something everyone can enjoy.

  • bassbait

    that’s why people were a big fan of Star Trek Nemesis.

  • Palpatine

    I’m glad this Christmas BotW was a bit more relaxed than the one from last year. Maybe the work on Space Cop tired them out and they didn’t feel like going all out this year.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Is Harold and Maude a rom-com? I always figured it needed it’s own classification. Maybe a sub genre of the rom-com?

    Barf-bag-rom-com?

  • bassbait

    it’s a rom com.

  • Joe Syxpac

    You could tell she was having Death Wish flashbacks in that one.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Yeah, but I didn’t laugh.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    You’re not the real Palpatine! He never ends two sentences in a row with the same word, unless that word is “side” or “underpants.”

  • bassbait

    I thought it was funny. And really well shot. And charming. And then sex happened.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Hence the warm bucket of creamed corn looking substance.

    I haven’t seen it in forever so I don’t know if I’d find it funny now. I’m sure I didn’t get the humor when I was nine. I do remember it being a very well made movie which kinda puts it outside the rom-com classification.

  • bassbait

    most of the humor is dark humor. And it has kind of a dry humor feeling that reminds me of a Coen bros movie if it reminds me of anything. I guess if you were to picture a Coen Bros Rom-com, it’d be Harold and Maude. It has the dark humor, the dry humor, and then a heart and charm and all that gooey stuff.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Pantaloons.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I think that was a thug in a naziesque outfit.

  • RLMkeepitup

    also jeff goldblums first role

  • Sully

    It’s like poetry. Palpy was stylistically designed to talk that way.

  • bassbait

    since Patton Oswalt worked with RLM on Space Cop, and since it’s almost Christmas, time to bring this one up –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY

  • Didn’t Space Cop get cancelled?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Mecca got hit on 9/11 too?

  • RLMkeepitup

    it just has the most unofficial release date ever

  • The Ghost

    Oh great. I had every intention of doing my job today.

    Ah hell, that’s bullshit and I know it. I was going to re-watch the Into Darkness review.

  • durhay

    Bad english dub for the Christmas Tree?

  • durhay

    That should be in a Best of the Worst.

  • bassbait

    the man of steel one is good too.

  • The Ghost

    I’ve already watched that one like 40 times. It resonates with me on a very personal level.

  • bassbait

    I watched it earlier today. And I might watch the Into Darkness one next. I’ve watched all of them like 40 times.

  • Sully

    Everyone got hit on 9/11. T’was an inside job, ya know.

  • Joe Syxpac

    And you still can’t give a buck to Patreon?

  • RLMkeepitup

    its considered by many as the worst holiday movie ever, missing every mark in every way!

  • bassbait

    I’m very poor, so much so that I can’t afford a lot of important shit that I absolutely need.

  • Palpatine

    Am I the only one who thinks Mulva’s voice sounds like Rich Evans’ voice?

  • durhay

    The Laziest Vigilante.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I think enduring PreRec or CareBoars is beyond monetary value.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Not to mention how many VHS tapes you can buy with a buck at Goodwill.

  • bassbait

    The Christmas Tree has a lot of similarities to The Care Boars Save Christmas.

  • bassbait

    yea but that was essentially my christmas present.

  • The Ghost

    I think they owe me a few bucks after that Steam Controller crap.

  • Joe Syxpac

    You’re the kid from the Christmas Shoes song, aren’t you?

  • bassbait

    nah, that kid buys things for other people.

  • bassbait

    for the record, my real christmas present was a new puppy. She cost 300 dollars. And then an additional 500 to 600 in vet fees after she contracted Parvo the same day that we got her. And she also died. So I’m not exactly cool with being judged for how I spend what little money I have.

  • That looked like “DeathWish: The Video Game” at the end. I would so play that. Merry Christmas RLM!

  • Markham

    – Two movies that I have actually seen? BotW has sold out!
    – Bronson > Norris
    – One of the smaller but funniest parts in Death Wish 3 is when the bad guys are all like “let’s go fuck shit up! YEAAAH!” for the climax, you can clearly see one thug randomly picking up a plunger from the ground and brandish it as if it were deadly weapon.

  • Palpatine

    Care Boars is like Citizen Kane compared to Pre-Rec!

  • bassbait

    Tardo would make a good addition to the Pre-rec team.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Some other great lines are when he says “I like chicken” in the most warm tone possible. Also “they killed the giggler man. They had no right to do that”. And when someone questions him advertizing the nikon over his shoulder he says “hey this is America isn’t it”.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Oh, they want pay-per-view already?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Why are people upvoting this? That’s like the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.

    Someone should write a Christmas song about it.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    You’re being an asshole.

  • Like Icare

    Nah, man… she’s only snort like a thimble at a time…

    Oh… you mean like “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” and “Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”?
    I thought you meant something else.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Well, he’s treating me like one.

    I was just having a little fun and he throws a dead puppy story at me and makes me feel like shit.

  • bassbait

    I did mean something else 😉

  • bassbait

    yea sorry about that. I realized it was probably guilt-trippy but things have been pretty hard this year and I don’t want to have to feel bad about not spending money on RLM. They provide free content and I take them up on that offer because I just don’t have the situation where I can send money their way.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Dude, I don’t give money to em either. I was doing a pot/kettle thing.

    And for the record I’m really sorry about the puppy. I know it was a big investment in not just money but emotions.

  • bassbait

    for the record I’m not a guy. But yea I get you were joking, I just don’t even want to joke about that topic. I probably said it too bluntly but I’m used to people pushing my buttons until I make myself really clear, so it’s kind of an involuntary reaction of “just leave it alone please”. No hard feelings though.

  • TheManHole

    They have done a hand full of more well known so bad there good movies. You can only do so many obscure Koren Film directors and terminator knock offs before you run out of material.

  • Marvin Falz

    Jay recommended “Bridesmaids” at the end of the “What’s Your Number?” HitB.

  • bassbait

    is that even a rom com? Or just a comedy with females?

  • bassbait

    I’ve never seen a Chuck Norris movie. Not even the one where he cameos in a Bruce Lee movie. And I love Bruce Lee movies, so idk why I never saw that one.

  • Like Icare

    Hmm… A Death Wish amusement park?
    That sounds like an interesting idea. You walk around and shoot “creeps”.
    And you drive around and shoot people. And you are elderly.

  • The Ghost

    I was upvoting you more for your honesty, not because I “like” that unfortunate things happened to you.

  • Joe Syxpac

    As long as we’re still cool, dude.

    (I was gonna write a bunch of stuff here, but I’m just gonna drop it so I don’t get in trouble again.)

  • Marvin Falz

    Good question. I was under the impression that Bridesmaids is a rom-com since Jay recommended it in a part dedicated to rom-coms.

  • bassbait

    I never saw it. I always assumed I’d hate it. It looks hate-able.

  • Joe Syxpac

    You do it all from a Little Rascal.

  • Marvin Falz

    I never saw it either. What’s Your Number looks terrible and I don’t care for Bridesmaids enough to even look it up on IMDb or whereever. So … *shrug shoulders*

  • TheManHole

    Before you even learned to spell your name I was being train to shit post on web zones!

  • RLMkeepitup

    I once made a video mashup of the scene with norris driving his airboat because he just looked so badass doing it

  • bassbait

    Bridesmaids was about a woman who couldn’t find a man and blah blah blah puke puke puke.

    I’m not really into stories that center around being straight. Unless there’s a twisted element like Harold and Maude.

  • I’m headed to Cannes this spring. Which venue will be hosting the Space Cop premiere?

  • Marvin Falz

    Harold and Maude … we watched Harold and Maude in English class. I remember that the movie leaves it to imagination of the viewer if they have sex or not.

  • bassbait

    it’s better if you assume that they did.

  • Marvin Falz

    I’d say it’s more likely they did than they didn’t. The whole movie leads to this point.

  • RLMkeepitup

    can you mail order one of those babies?

  • Joe Syxpac

    I donno, but I know they have them at Wal-Mart.

  • Palpatine

    The one in the men’s restroom.

  • bassbait

    it just occurred to me – Men in Black is a Buddy Cop movie.

  • Marvin Falz

    I was thinking the same thing.

  • It’s technically about Space Cops.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Cuz in America it’s perfectly legal to shoot someone in the back after they steal from you.

  • Marvin Falz

    Not cancelled, just postponed indefinitely.

  • bassbait

    I hope that Rich Evans gets a lot of great 90’s cool guy one liners.

  • RLMkeepitup

    if enough people lobby together anything is possible. only through violence can we achieve world peace!

  • Marvin Falz

    I actually like the CareBoars. And PreRec is okay like in the background.

  • Sully

    Sounds like a Pixar short.

  • Joe Syxpac

    It’s your duty to watch this at least once this Christmas.

    http://redlettermedia.com/?s=care+boars

  • Marvin Falz

    “The” and “Christmas”.

  • The Ghost

    This Death Wish film really makes me miss the 80s.

    And I was born in 1985.

  • bassbait

    I guess I must be a wee one because I wasn’t even alive in the 80’s.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Me too, a good time to grow up movie wise.. lots of fresh stuff happening.

  • Marvin Falz

    Speaking of Star Trek, I just now found out that D.C. Fontana also wrote a script for Buck Rogers in the 25th century.

  • bassbait

    too bad you aren’t a 90’s kid because you missed out on Batman and Robin!

  • RLMkeepitup

    late 80s/early 90s best time for cartoons too. #batnipples

  • Marvin Falz

    “That’s what I like in MY Christmas Specials: DEAAAAATH!” – Rich Evans, prophet, alluding to this Christmas BotW.

  • The Ghost

    There was nothing like watching Robocop as a kid.

    Also, one image that always stands out from my childhood is Arnold’s eyeballs bulging out in Total Recall.

  • bassbait

    Spongebob was 99 and I’ll always use that as my anchor for superiority over 80’s nostalgia junkies. TV just *was* better in the late 90’s and early 00’s, than in any period before or since. I got to grow up on Spongebob, Malcolm in the Middle, Arrested Development, etc.

    Plus I got all of the 80’s run-off from my parents so I saw plenty of 80’s movies too.

  • Palpatine

    You’re probably not as young as me.

  • bassbait

    I’m 21.

  • Palpatine

    I’m 19, so close enough.

  • RLMkeepitup

    there was more variety though. Sonic, Turtles, Darkwing, Talespin,Ducktales, Rescue Rangers, Inspector Gadget, Ghostbusters, etc. But nikleodean has some nice stuff too afterward, and spongebob of coarse is great.

  • The Ghost

    Darth Plagueis taught you how to stay young, and then you killed that fuck.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    spongebob in it’s prime was god tier entertainment.

  • bassbait

    yea but all of those shows suck. The late 90’s had kid’s shows that were really good, like Spongebob, Ed, Edd, and Eddy, and Courage the Cowardly Dog, which is one of the weirdest shows to find its way onto kid’s television.

    The early 90’s had Gargoyles which was alright, and Animaniacs which was good, but idk, even though I did watch those growing up, in retrospect I was never that into them.

    Though Batman the animated series I remember really loving. I used to watch a VHS copy of the Mr Freeze movie a lot. Idk if that one’s any good or not, it’s been years. I may have to track down a place where I can watch that again.

  • bassbait

    first 50 episodes or so are among the best television ever written. I asked my dad, an 80’s kid, what he thought – is Spongebob better, or The Simpsons? And his answer was Spongebob. I need to re-watch the classic era of The Simpsons to really see how the two stack up, but Spongebob was beat for beat perfect for a number of episodes, and one of the very rare shows to maintain a long run of high quality writing like that. Arrested Development and Futurama are other examples that come to mind.

  • Palpatine

    It sure was!

  • bassbait

    I’ve never made a big deal about people’s ages. I have to wait until I’m in my 30’s or 40’s before I can start complaining about dem young people.

  • RLMkeepitup

    hey arnold, doug, and rugrats were early 90s? Gargoyles was just okay, animation was good. When you’re a kid any cartoon is good, maybe the 80s just had those dang theme songs…

  • bassbait

    that really is just about it. Try watching He-man, or Transformers, or Thundercats, or any shows like that and you’ll see just how boring those shows are. I mean people talk shit on the Transformers movies, but 80’s TV shows are literally just toy advertisements, they serve no functional purpose beyond the basic “this villain will make a cool toy!”

    maybe that’s why Toy Story worked so well.

  • Robby

    Merrin Christmins Reddlemiddins11!

  • Marvin Falz

    In retrospect Transformers g1, He-Man, M.A.S.K., Inspector Gadget, Sabre Rider and so on are not really better or worse than 90s cartoons. Just different.

  • Like Icare

    “Whenever I think of my childhood, all I see are Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bulging eyes…” has a certain kind a ring to it.
    You should pitch a Wonder Years kinda show to… someone… I don’t know who makes that kids stuff.
    Flamarion Ferreira?

  • bassbait

    I don’t remember if I saw Robocop or not, but I always remember the bulging eyes from Total Recall as a kid.

  • RLMkeepitup

    yeah I’ve gone back and rewatched a couple shows and they’re objectively not amazing and were heavily cramped between toy and junk food commercials. all part of the corporate theory of endoctrinating the youth into a consumer culture I guess. Ignorance is bliss is childhood! I liked toy story so much I put off seeing the sequels, but those are dang good too

  • The Ghost

    I would argue that Power Rangers appropriated Japanese mech imagery in an effort to sell toys, too. And that was emblematically a 90s show.

  • Robby

    VOTE TRUMP! HE’LL BE SO TREMENDOUS IT’LL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN!

  • Like Icare

    Hasta la Doswidanowich motherfucker?

  • bassbait

    yea but in the 90’s it increasingly became the exception and not the rule. A lot of the “sell toys” shows started to become good in the 90’s, like Batman: The Animated Series, which some people argue is the definitive Batman.

    Then there was Pokemon…

  • Like Icare

    Much like Elderly Man’s Spooky Upper-Middle-Class Paranormal Activity House carnival ride, yes.

  • Like Icare

    Wait a second… Is this a precedent? Animated movie on RLM?
    And not one directed by Michael Bay.

    Then they should totally do The Good Dinosaur… with those kids they experimented on with 101 Wacky Kids Jokes.

  • bassbait

    they already did gun safety and “mommy where did I come from”

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I manage to do that just fine at 26.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I can’t wait for Plinkett’s review of Bambi 2.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Wasn’t the third Jump Street supposed to been a crossover with MiB?

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh, I liked her and Thumper in Diamonds Are Forever.

  • bassbait

    I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen any of the Jump Street movies. Just the show, which gradually devolved into “BOTW” territory by the end of season 2.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I read that in his voice, but mostly he makes my head shake in disbelief.

  • Robby

    I read EVERYTHING in “The Donald’s” voice.

    And then contemplate suicide.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    The movies are pretty damn funny.

  • Palpatine

    I can’t wait for his review of Mulva’s Gambling Problem.

  • Like Icare

    Aaaw… It’s so nice to see you all in Richmas spirit.
    Rich bless us, Rich bless us everyone…

  • Marvin Falz

    It’s never too soon to start complaining about whatever you want too. Better to walk down the path to the dark side sooner than later. Because the sooner the harder to walk back to the light side.

    #OrSomething

  • RLMkeepitup

    upvoted for the edit clarification!

  • Like Icare

    If you see Emir Kusturica there, sneak up to him and whisper “We’re coming to get you” in his ear, then turn around and walk away.

  • Robby

    I apologize. I would never want to be confused with a dumb American. I’m not American I don’t live there LEAVE ME ALONE.

  • Marvin Falz
  • RLMkeepitup

    the good news is there’s always something to enjoy

  • Marvin Falz

    “One man’s fun is another’s hell.” – James Hetfield in a song on the black album.

    Or in reversal: “One man’s hell is another’s fun.”

  • Like Icare

    Well… so did the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

  • Like Icare

    That movie is 30 years old… It’s slowly becoming obscure.

  • bassbait

    You’re right, complaining while young is the best!

    I don’t like sand…

  • Like Icare

    And being kinda based on real events.

  • Marvin Falz

    IT’S ALL OBI-WAN’S FAULT!

  • bassbait

    he’s overly critical… he never listens!

  • Like Icare

    Aaaand? Don’t tease us. How was it? Was it absorbing or rough? Did the print run or was it safe to wipe with?

  • bassbait

    speaking of complaints, The Black Album is one of my most hated albums.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    Mike’s sharp with is inconsistent with the amount of booze he consumes. Are you even drinking anymoar you fraud?

    Get outta my dreams and into my pants! What red blooded male/female wouldn’t wanna stoke Mike’s Love-saw…man? Did I do that pun right?! Ok, no more fire water for me.
    MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL YOU HACKS AND HACK LOVERS! I LURVE YOU I LUFF YOU! TO DEATH, or as much as the law allows.

  • Marvin Falz

    The Jedi are holding me back.

  • bassbait

    <3

  • Robby

    All those broken windows in Death Wish 3 and not ONE kurlan naiskos sound effect? I call hackfrauds.

  • Like Icare

    Bronson, Norris and Santa did the destruction part instead.

  • castlemonster

    Bronson *is* SANTA KLAUS! You’d better watch out! I’m telling you why. Santa Klaus will shoot you all down!

  • tOmy`

    So Death Wish 3 is basically Sicario in New York.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    wit* I meant to say he has a rapist wit! Or is it rapier wit?

  • Marvin Falz

    I don’t hate it, but I don’t like it much either, except for a couple of songs which came to Istar to break into show business.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    <3 Bassy, I vuw you!

  • Marvin Falz

    What?

  • bassbait

    You hear songs like “And Justice for All” and then you hear songs like “Enter Sandman”, and it’s like a Star Wars prequel level of bad by comparison.

  • bassbait

    merry christmush!!!

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    and merry druid solstice to youuuu! :*

  • Marvin Falz

    That is by all means true. Exit light (Justice for All), enter night (black album).

    The only songs I like are Sad but true (the motto of the black album) and partly Of Wolf and Men.

  • bassbait

    Sad but True is a song that I always think is ok until I hear the phrase “Sad but True” come up and then I’m like “oh god turn this off!”

    But I have a personal vendetta against that record for its betrayal of extreme music. Though I’ve softened my stance on the album over the years, it still kinda hurts to think of how much potential greatness we lost because of that album.

  • Yes. This.

  • Marvin Falz

    Maybe. I think Metallica is overrated anyway. They’ve never been a good live band, James Hetfield’ singing sucks. And after the black album my interest for Metallica was gone for good. I remember vaguely the titles Load and Load 2 and I hate God. Well, compared to those albums the black album was sheer gold. Or was I hate God a Kreator album but bad anyway? I don’t know.

  • bassbait
  • Like Icare

    Yeaah… but those are like educational videos… closer to infomercials than to films.

  • bassbait

    “I hate God” was not Metallica. I don’t know what it is. “God Hates Us All” is a Slayer album if that’s what you were thinking of.

    80’s Thrash had some peaks and valleys. The overall best band of the bunch was Exodus, but the best Thrash band in general, if you ask me, is Vektor, who came about in 2009 and only has 2 albums out so far, though they’re about to release their third.

  • bassbait

    I would not go as far as to call The Christmas Tree a film either.

  • Like Icare

    Oh not even close.

    DW3 basically makes Paul Kersey into a slower and older Punisher… who is also more like Robin Hood… minus the takes-gives thing.

  • Marvin Falz

    I’ve confused I hate God with Enemy of God by Kreator.

    I’m very picky, Exodus belongs to those bands, I’ve listened to once and never again. I’m probably too close-minded. Never heard of Vektor. I’m not aware of anything going on in the Trash scene. Or actually any music scene.

  • bassbait

    Enemy of God, the title track was good. Never got into the rest of the album. Exodus is a band that gets better the more you hear them I say.

    I recommend Vektor a lot. In fact, my pic right now is a pic of Vektor’s second album. Here’s a link –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T04QFKnBIiM

    the vocals might not be your thing, but the riffs are some of the best I’ve heard from any band, especially because they create their own kind of atmosphere with the music. I recommend listening to the whole song even if it’s not your thing at first. They do a lot with their sound so you might hear something that catches your interest by the end. My favorite moments are their proggier moments.

  • The Ghost

    Can you imagine if Invasion U.S.A were released today?

  • thomas040

    You need to separate your audio layers, so you don’t have voices flanging when you are mixing between sources.

  • I am pretty sure the US was invaded back in 1812

  • Like Icare

    You’re drunk Corn Dot. Hand in your keys and your badge.
    You can keep the gun, in the spirit of Death Wish Christmas and the 2nd Amendment.

    Just remember to make it look like they were assaulting you, cause vigilante style execution has this really bad taste to it… like stale popcorn with butter that’s a bit south of off.

  • Marvin Falz

    Vektor plays some very fast riffs. I tell you this, I’m not at all into this kind of music anymore, but I like what I hear. Reminds me a bit of “Vengeance is Mine” by Pissing Razors and “End of the Line” by DevilDriver. Variety in riffs is what made me like Tomb of the Mutilated and The Bleeding by Cannibal Corpse a long time ago.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    It would be tough to market it that’s for sure.

  • What about the last 10 years? From Avatar: The Last Airbender to Starwars Clones Wars and Rebels. There’s some great stuff from Marvel and DC and Scooby-Doo Mystery Inc. to name just a few.
    Most of these shows I’ve only caught glimpses of but from what I hear there’s so many great animated kid’s shows out at the moment it almost seems unfair not being a child.

  • The Ghost

    I think the one scene in particular that made me post that comment was the suburban home getting bazooka’d.

    That scene would not see the light of day.

  • Really? Considering every other blockbuster sees whole cities being destroyed, a few suburban houses seems tame.

  • bassbait

    These guys dive full on into variety. Here, let me show you an example of a piece of a song that’s very different, so that you can get an idea of the variety in their music –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COW3hsTxxmI&t=8m09s

    I don’t know if I made it clear that I’m in a Death Metal band lol, but I am. I write a shit ton of music, including stuff that is nothing like Metal. I just like music that makes me think for a minute and try to dissect what’s going on, from a compositional standpoint. So I listen to stuff like Vektor where the music is really creative and cleverly constructed. It helps inspire me. It’s like watching movies and trying to figure out how they do certain practical effects, so that way when I make a movie I can use that technique to create my own unique movie experience.

  • bassbait

    Avatar is the only one I’ve seen and it’s ok. Idk, it’s good by anime standards even though I’m pretty sure it isn’t an anime. People who tell you that Adventure Time is the shit, they may be right, but don’t expect me to recommend that show. I found it utterly unwatchable. But people bring up Adventure Time as “one of the best examples that kid’s shows are better these days”

    Nah. Nothing’s gonna beat spongebob, so I’m not exactly looking for new kid’s shows. I’d rather make a kid’s show of my own than watch all of these new feel-goodery nonsense shows.

  • The Ghost

    Yes, but many buildings tumbling has a broader, more catastrophic effect.

    Showing a suburban home – a place that is supposed to be indicative of safety and serenity – would hit way too close to… home.

  • bassbait

    Hobo With a Shotgun shows us that such a possibility isn’t out of the question.

  • Palpatine

    It would feature Chuck Norris fighting ISIS guys.

  • Marvin Falz

    I can see that. I can also see that you soak in a lot of movies, music and and and. And your output is probably equally extensive. Actually awe-inspiring.

  • Or did he? Maybe it’s Grand Emperor Snookie.

  • He takes the thugs’s lives by giving them lead poisoning…
    Wait.

  • The Ghost

    At the base of the Statue of Liberty.

  • Palpatine

    So which villain defeat was the best out of the three movies: Charles Bronson shooting the punk leader out the window with the bazooka; Chuck Norris shooting the terrorist leader out the window with a bazooka; or Santa striking Mulva with lightning?

  • Palpatine

    Now that would be awesome.

  • If it was anything like this I’d watch it. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DN034sBeF4c

  • castlemonster

    The Cuban invasion just didn’t get the same kind of press coverage because it was over Christmas.

  • bassbait

    music is my number 1 on the list. Mainly because I listen to it almost everywhere that I go. Also because I’m a musician and singer and I often practice singing to other people’s music.

    I’m actually writing music right now. I got about 23 minutes of material that I’m fleshing out. My uncle told me I should write film scores because he thinks I’d be good at it. I actually think so too. Just too depressed and unfocused to actually attempt something like that.

  • I’d say Chuck. There’s nothing like a Mexican stand-off against a bazooka

  • I forgot about Adventure Time being a kids show because I’ve only seen it with stoners and they seem like the target audience.
    The Marvel and DC stuff isn’t “feel-goodery”, Clone Wars gets pretty dark too although it starts pretty terrible.

    There are definitely others I’m forgetting about, I know it’s very hard to objectively judge kids shows because its almost impossible not to be blinded by nostalgia.
    I can honestly say I’ve never seen an entire episode of Spongebob, I don’t think it came to the UK until I was too old for it or maybe I missed it at the time.

  • Herbert West

    Well there’s Red Dawn.

  • Palpatine

    And Chuck needs to shoot Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi off the Statue with a bazooka.

  • bassbait

    I’m really torn because I want to say Death Wish, but the dummy limbs really swings towards Invasion USA.

    But I think I still gotta go with Death Wish. When watching the movie as a whole it comes as such a shock, for real. It blew my mind (pun intended?) when I first saw it. And that explosion was *huge*. The Chuck Norris explosion is much smaller.

  • Santa striking Vulva with lightning comes first.

  • mumd0g

    I won’t even link it, but a certain YouTuber (who’s videos I once liked until he went completely off the deep end into a pool of THE PC POLICE ARE THE REAL NAZIS rhetoric) did an entire vid way before his meltdown about how the critics of Death Wish 2 were just namby-pamby liberals who couldn’t understand the brilliance of it.

    I see a motif here. Somewhere. Motif. Motif. Motif.

  • Palpatine

    Yes. This.

  • Marvin Falz

    Hmm, don’t have experience with “structured procrastination”. but I link to it anyway. For what it’s worth. http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/

  • Not when it belongs to a creepy old crone.

  • Like Icare
  • dollar store cashier wife

    Rob Ager?

  • bassbait

    I was referring more to Adventure Time and shows like “Clarence” which aren’t even worth talking about. The only friends of mine who like Adventure Time are coincidentally stoners.

    Idk, everyone assumes I’m a stoner because I watch typical stoner things and the kind of stuff I think about makes me seem like a stoner. But I’ve never done drugs and probably never will. Adventure Time seems like something where I’d *have* to be stoned to enjoy it, and if so, might as well skip it.

  • bassbait

    I’ve already done that. The problem is when free time is all you have. Everything becomes a chore.

  • The Ghost

    Wasn’t that in the 80s?

    Unless you’re counting the remake, but the remake was about North Korea invading. The implausibility of North Korea having enough money to cross the Pacific Ocean kind of diminishes the impact of that one.

  • bassbait

    just tell us who it is!!! I’m on the edge of my seat.

  • RLMkeepitup

    they’re crazy enough to try, maybe china would fund using our debt payoffs

  • Robby

    Alex Jones? 😀

  • bassbait

    I never thought I’d hear that name around these parts. His videos were alright sometimes but I got bored of them pretty quickly.

  • The Ghost

    We’re maybe two comments away from each getting the NSA under our respective Christmas trees.

  • castlemonster

    Chuck Norris knows if you’ve been bad or good *and* your exact location. So be good for fuck’s sake!

  • Marvin Falz

    The lightning strike was so surprising and brilliantly animated that it comes first, closely followed by Chuck Norris bazookaing the terrorist.

  • Palpatine

    I love his The Shining analysis videos.

  • Marvin Falz

    Well, to sound very much clichéd: you go your way.

  • Palpatine

    Not as brilliant as the parents winding their eyes.

  • bassbait

    Yea those were good. Anything Kubrick related he did pretty well with. I guess my problem was that he presents a barrage of thoughts that don’t always form a coherent message that the films are trying to tell. It’s the “throw everything at the wall and hope something sticks” method. With my analysis videos I tend to cut it down to only threads that persist throughout the entirety or majority of a movie.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    You obviously consider yourself a better anal-ist eh? Some of his videos are alright,others not so much and reading his opinion on modern movies makes it him out to be bordering on a one dimesional snob character or smth.

  • tOmy`

    What are you, a Skrillex?

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh yes, surely the highlight of the movie. Also the dad’s monotone voice.

  • bassbait

    clearly I’m better than everyone who does film analysis. Duh!

    Nah but really I have a lot of respect for him, his videos helped me learn to look harder at the movies I was watching. But once I started doing that I realized “shit I should probably not look at other analyses and accidentally take ideas from other people’s work”.

    I try to make sure that my views on a movie are entirely based on the movie, and not what some other reviewer came up with. Sometimes that seeps in anyways, but I try not to have it affect me too much.

  • The Ghost

    Eddie Van Halen disagrees!

  • LegendofKafei

    America was invaded by the British in the War of 1812, you hack fraud Chuck Norris.

  • castlemonster

    Ya gotta admit, bazookaing people’s houses is kind of a jerk move. Especially during the Holidays.

  • bassbait

    Life Day is coming up!!!

    A day of peace, a day of harmony. A day of cocaine habits.

  • RLMkeepitup

    he’s basically a macguffin stud muffin

  • eeeh

    An hour of new Best of the Worst is the best Christmas present.

  • Palpatine

    Chuck Norris doesn’t study history, history studies him.

  • Bubble Lipped Tar Baby

    When I saw Cannon I knew it was going to be a good episode. Happy Holidays everyone.

  • BCFC25

    I miss Cannon movies so much. They were just so gloriously over the top
    and didnt give a fuck about PC or any of that shit. I mean seriously
    you couldnt make a cannon action movie today like they did back in the
    80s.

  • Marvin Falz

    That reminds me of a Pre-Rec stream with a lot of Chuck Norris jokes.

  • bassbait

    alright, question – is The Babadook scary? I don’t want any spoilers I just want to know if it’s scary, and in what way. Like The Shining scary? David Lynch film scary? Antichrist scary? I will watch it either way, I just might not watch it today if it’s gonna fuck me up inside.

  • bassbait

    I made the best joke of the bunch.

    “the chuck norris jokes are starting to Chuck Bore-us”

  • The Ghost

    My wife is a big horror buff and she said it was pretty scary, however I can’t tell you which kind of scary it was.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Downvoted for racism?

  • Bubble Lipped Tar Baby

    Try Goosebumps scary.

  • bassbait

    Goosebumps is the scariest shit ever!

  • bassbait

    the director of The Exorcist said it was one of the best. Compared it to Alien. Alien doesn’t scare me but that movie has all of the elements that are needed to get under my skin, it just doesn’t because I’m too busy appreciating the technical aspects of the film to even pay attention to the horror.

  • Palpatine

    The Shining scary mixed A Nightmare on Elm Street scary.

  • RLMkeepitup

    its better than the conjuring, that movie didn’t spook me much as the babadook.

  • Palpatine

    Here’s The Christmas Tree in all its glory:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GlFtMxG6mnY

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Zoella?

  • RLMkeepitup

    I assume you saw doug walkers treatise on it?

  • Palpatine

    Well the horror aspects of The Babadook work better than the technical aspects, mainly because it’s an independent film.

  • Who would ever down vote racism?

  • Palpatine

    Yes.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    We’re planning to make our own. Feel free to give movie suggestions.

  • bassbait

    Nightmare was very not-scary for me, even though the technical parts of the film were fun. The Shining has always been a Kubrick film for me, so the horror is always overshadowed by the artistry. However, the Room 237 scene genuinely gets under my skin. If someone were to make a whole movie of scenes as unsettling as that, I wouldn’t be able to make it through. Mulholland Drive has a similar scene, which is why I mentioned David Lynch. I look away when watching that scene of Mulholland Drive, I can’t look, it just makes me nervous for some reason. And maybe that’s why Lynch is so high on my list. He actually affects me beyond just “oh look at the shot composition!”

  • tOmy`

    There is that awful climatic tune from Love Actually blasting from living room. I am afraid to go and make myself a cup of tea, I don’t wanna catch any emotions.

    SO MANY EMOTIONS.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I sure wouldn’t sit through that whole movie. This was the first time I’d seen most of all 3 botw picks though.

  • bassbait

    this was the second time I had seen a movie from BOTW, and the first time that I had seen one before having heard that it was gonna be on BOTW.

  • Like Icare

    And there is an important element, which they’ve overlooked, possibly due to cultural oversaturation, of bulletproof vests.

    Kersey has bulletproof vest which saves him a couple of times to shock and horror of the “creeps”.
    Then in then end, already “dead” creep-leader Jasons up and flaunts his vest.
    Ha-HAA motherfuckers! Bulletproof! Whatcha gonna do now?
    To which Kersey replies with a LAW – all “this is not a bullet” like.

    Thing is… that’s 1985. That’s both over the top AND a surprise twist-twist.
    It’s basically a “How do you kill someone who can’t be killed by bullets?” situation – and a solution.
    Go rocket-man on the motherfucker.

    Bulletproof vests (or kevlar) were not quite that obvious and logical as plot devices yet.

    Or well understood by audience or by film makers.
    Chuck Norris has a kevlar boat in one of his MIA movies, where it is presented as bulletproof, which is shown by someone emptying a full magazine at the boat, at pointblank range, to show how bulletproof it is.
    In reality, boats are regularly made of kevlar – but it means that they are PLASTIC.

    Michael Mann talks on the Thief (1981) commentary how he was worried that audience may not get the ending cause someone wears a bulletproof vest during the shootout.
    Forward to early 2000s, and Jeph Loeb of Commando and Teen Wolf fame still doesn’t understand that it is not some magical “stop-bullet” material but just a very durable plastic bag that will most probably stop some bullets but which WILL most definitely transfer through all the force of the blow anyway.

    http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/3/39001/4220605-batmanvssuperman.png

    I.e. You can’t put on kevlar gloves and use your hands to hammer in nails.
    That is unless you’re already that manly stupid to do it without kevlar.

  • Like Icare

    Also… Suburban homes tend to be full of WHITE people.

  • The Ghost

    That means people give a shit.

  • tOmy`

    Jesus fucking Christ, I accidentally started watching the youtube clip of the whole Christmas Tree movie instead of the RLM video, wondering for 4 minutes whether they gonna say something about it or not.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    you had too much eggnog. already.

  • Robotpals

    Ah! Then I wholeheartedly support her actions.

  • The Ghost

    Favorite Christmas Film (that is actually tied to Christmas and isn’t Die Hard or Iron Man 3 or something) …

    GO.

    Or don’t, but if you want to, go ahead.

    I’ll start. Mine is the version of A Christmas Carol from 1951, with Alastair Sim as Scrooge.

  • bassbait

    Christmas Vacation 2

  • The Ghost

    Runner-up, for sure.

  • Like Icare

    Not even “Ummm… yeah… Fake Padme? Sure I was kinda masturbating while crying to your wedding video that is not at all creepy… and you’re my best friend’s wife and all… but should you ever decide to leave him or cheat on him… I’ll be waiting around the corner… never finding or looking for someone… third-wheeling your marriage until you come to your senses… yeah… bye now. And marry Christmas. Or marry me? No? Ok… I can wait.”?

    Not even that one?

  • bassbait

    if you want a real answer I’d have to think really hard, because I really don’t like Christmas or “the season” or any of that stuff, and Christmas films tend to be some of the worst shit for me. That’s not to say they’re all bad, just none in particular come to mind as favorites of mine. Nightmare Before Christmas is good, A Christmas Story is good, Elf was sold by Will Ferrell just being a great comedic actor (and a crush on Zooey Deschanel). But idk, I can’t name any that really hit me hard.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Life in an eternal nightmare.

    #talkingfromexperience

    #Merry christmas bass

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Fasten your seatbelts. You’re here to stay.

  • tOmy`

    The unfortunate reality of that movie is that almost every plot line could have been a mediocre standalone rom-com.

  • Palpatine

    Home Alone.

  • bassbait

    I have an additional question though – favorite Christmas Specials?

    I have a few – the Futurama specials, and the Beavis and Butthead specials. I’m sure everyone’s familiar with the Futurama specials, but the Beavis and Butthead ones often get overlooked. It’s two – the first one is Beavis in “A Christmas Carol”, and the second one is Butthead in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It’s probably the most cynical take on Christmas I’ve ever seen, and it’s amazing. Butthead’s is reversed though, the idea is that a guardian angel comes to Butthead to show him how much better everyone’s life would be if he wasn’t born, in an effort to convince Butthead to kill himself.

  • The Ghost

    That’s a must watch around this time of year.

  • The Ghost

    I think the invention of Fesitvus speaks for itself in this category.

  • Like Icare

    That’s its secret. It’s always rom-com.

    It becomes a sort of a study on love as presented in the movies.
    The key bit being that Curtis actually set off to make exactly that.
    Guy sets off to make an over the top sappy movie… and makes an over the top sappy movie.
    And it’s a hit.

    Gotta give props for that…

  • Marvin Falz

    “Rich has a crush on you [Macauly Culkin]. He wants to be Home Alone with you.” – Mike is simply the best, better than all the rest.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    South Park’s Woodland Critter Christmas. An all time classic.

  • bassbait

    how cynical is it about christmas?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I rather not spoil it. I’ll just say it’s one of the best 20 minutes in the history of animation.

  • bassbait

    alright I guess I’ll check it out. I’m typically more annoyed by South Park than I am entertained though.

    One of the best christmas things is HITB’s Desolation of Smaug review, at the end. Christmas is magic!

  • Commander X

    It’s like the turdecken of mediocre romcoms.

  • Decently scary. Moreso for the atmosphere and mood than any jump scares. The imagery of the Babadook itself is also a lot scarier than when you actually see it.

  • Why was Mike drinking radioactive piss during the Death Wish 3 discussion?

  • bassbait

    http://puu.sh/m6sd2.jpg

    more Jack and Jill cameos!

    Also did you notice that they’ve piled all of their “previously watched on BOTW” videos into on space at the bottom?

  • bassbait

    there’s certain things that can totally fuck me up that I’ve never seen any film do, but if films did it, I’d be a lot more frightened.

    Who Framed Roger Rabbit for example, would work excellently as a horror movie, if they had gone that route.

  • bassbait

    my boredom is getting the best of me and I’m looking at their shelves to see what movies they may cover on future BOTW’s

    http://puu.sh/m6sBr.jpg

  • Santa smiting Mulva old-testament style. It just came so far out of left field.

  • RLMkeepitup

    mountain dew is pretty tasty

  • RLMkeepitup

    that’s how i decorate with my lights

  • bassbait

    http://puu.sh/m6sNV.jpg

    look at some of these ninja movies we’re missing out on!

  • bassbait

    they have Cool Cat Saves the Kids. Do you think they’ll cover it?

  • Charon

    This is the best gift a girl could ask for.

    Too bad I’m a GUY.

  • Like Icare

    With HIV/AIDS and Older Americans?

  • Red Skeleton

    Will this be my first Christmas without a Christmas animated Plinkett? *emoji*

  • Marvin Falz

    The J&J covers are placed there to ward off evil spirits.

    Do you mean RLM are methodical? A lot of thoughts go into their business and behold it is good. (Why not, it’s Christmas time.)

  • bassbait

    that is too bad.

  • bassbait

    so the last BOTW had Double Down, which was a movie I had seen already. This BOTW has Death Wish 3, which I’ve seen already. This establishes a precedent.

    But does that mean that… the next BOTW… will have NUKIE? After all this time?

    I did happen to watch Nukie on New Year’s the first time I saw it. Coincidence? I think not!

  • Like Icare

    They got an operation for that now.
    But you only end up on the cover of the Vanity Fair if you’re rich and famous and vane.

  • Sully

    Lethal Weapon or Christmas Vacation.

  • Marvin Falz

    I honestly can’t find any film.

  • Domo

    I wonder if Colin from Canada did the fire effects of Mevelda burning to death under a beautiful Christmas tree.

    It looked really nice.

  • Palpatine

    I want to see a video of RLM playing that Star Trek VCR board game I always see on their shelves.

  • Ah yes, Reagan era dreams of ultraviolence. Funny how the heroes would kill dozens of thugs or terrorists but the theme was that the real enemy is something called “political correctness” or anything that suggests it’s wrong to order guns through the mail and start shooting.

  • Marvin Falz

    I second that.

  • Marvin Falz

    It did.

  • bassbait

    Jay has to be involved. Because he clearly loves Star Trek.

  • Commander X

    Death Wish 4 was no 3 but it came close at times:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b55FXwiDzkU

    Death Wish 5 was the last, with Bronson not quite as active as before, but Michael Parks did end up getting an acid bath.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAkI0m5lsu4

  • bassbait

    pretty sure Charles Bronson isn’t White. Get ur facts straight!

  • Once you go Bronson, you never… never go…
    I’m getting tired of these racist jokes. You all should be ashamed of yourselves for being my enablers.

  • Ahhh, Richard Lynch aka Baran the mercenary captain. You know, I took some shore leave immediately after jokingly ordering Data to escort Riker to the brig. Shoulda checked in with the ship from Risa! Sorry, Will!

  • Lucid Flux

    Christmas Story but that’s because my family is the family in that movie.

  • Marvin Falz

    Let me help you out:

    Once you go Bronson, you never go Jonson.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It was a pretty great movie, but it’s not my type of scary. I mean, it’s not the type of thing that spooks me.

  • But what about Bronson’s Johnson?

  • bassbait

    what does spook you, for reference?

  • Mr_Show

    Yay!

  • Marvin Falz

    I think that’s Misses Bronson’s territory.

  • RLMkeepitup

    anyone else wondering what the other presents were? I need closure!

  • Charon

    #transshaming #racialprofiling #opulenceshaming

    …shame on you?

  • Domo

    One of the presents is definitely that candle from Jay’s vlog.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    From the little info I can gather from google, Flamarion Ferreira Films is a company funded by some dude that worked for years at Filmation. You can almost see the Filmation house style, except cheaper, if that’s even possible.

  • Domo

    Richard Lynch in Invasion U.S.A. looks like a puppet from Team America: World Police.

  • THE MANHOLE STREAMATHON GOES LIVE ON THE 27TH OF DECEMBER. WE’LL START AT MIDNIGHT GMT and play for roughly 24 hours. How does that sound?

    Here’s a proposed list of movies:
    https://disqus.com/home/channel/exiledfromrlm/discussion/channel-exiledfromrlm/our_very_own_stream_a_thonplaylist_and_organization_thread/

  • bassbait

    but what was in the box???

  • Charon

    One of them is LOST – Season Six. *_*

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Jay’s creativity before he became a hack fraud. In other words-his soul.

  • Marvin Falz

    Sounds … interesting!

  • Loved the Cannon documentary, saw it on Netflix last week and now I get why you guys do this “best of the worst” series! This is actually the first vid I’ve watched in this series. Now I wanna go watch all these terrible films!

  • bassbait

    I thought he sold that to buy more crack.

  • Domo

    There’s a few different box sets to choose from online.

    Y’know, if you’re into pretty box sets with explosions on the front.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Well now he can. With all that Disney money.

    TFA-BEST MOVIE OF 2015!

    -Jay Bauman

  • Lame!

  • Palpatine

    Sounds cool. Hopefully I won’t be busy that day.

  • Marvin Falz

    Lame?! It took 12 seconds to make!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The Shining is a good example.

  • RLMkeepitup

    If Jay decides not to stream anything it would be magically delicious if he showed up. I know Rich watches stuff with the prerec twitchers pretty often.

  • I doubt he will but it sure would be nice.

  • RLMkeepitup

    affluenza is a real thing, I watch Dr. Drew nightly

  • Mild Mannered Misanthrope

    Death Wish 3 is like the fantasy of some geriatric conservative who’s afraid of young people and ‘the ethnics.’ The whole series is like a reactionary’s fever dream, except in the third movie there’s a whole army of senior citizen vigilantes. I cannot believe that Charles Bronson never ran for office, as far as I know, because Death Wish 3 undoubtedly would have made him electable, after other Western or action movie stars like Ronald Reagan, Clint Eastwood, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    yeeahh that ain’t happening. the only time jay acknowledges us is either when things get so out of hand they require moderation or taking a shot at us in a RLM video or smth.

  • RLMkeepitup

    fine, he can tease us with some space cop footage er somethin’ Honestly the ishtar video was worse than any of the major catastrophes since 911 or shortly thereafter

  • Marvin Falz

    I don’t mind the lack of Jay’s acknowledgement.

  • bassbait

    like I said, only one scene gets me in that movie and it’s the room 237 scene.

  • Palpatine

    I love it when he comes on here.

  • Charon

    Affluence-a? #diseaseshaming

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I do considering the community on rlm’s official message boards get nothing but love from him despite being utter shit yet we get treated as cockroaches. shit I seen him join streams there all the time where’s as when we started streaming all we gotten was:shut up about the manhole pls.

    at a certain point the contempt stops being funny for me at least.

  • RLMkeepitup

    because the secret to being a good a̶c̶t̶o̶r̶ president is acting like what you’re saying is real

  • The Ghost

    “Get off my Lawn” – The Movie.

  • The Ghost

    Oh wait, that was Gran Torino.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    eh? but wasn’t the last time he came on here it resulted in you getting banned?

  • RLMkeepitup

    or john mcclanes campaign slogan

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, but I deserved that.

  • bassbait

    I can see why. He probably doesn’t care for this section for the same reason why I love it.

  • Marvin Falz

    I haven’t seen it the way you do.

    I bet Jay hates it when Mike makes jokes on his expense and he probably doesn’t like it either when the internet hops on Mike’s jokes.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Utter fucking nonsense pal and you know it. If you’re gonna get sensitive about someone posting your publicly known workplace that operates in a business where you get to be in public eye 24/7 well then you’re either naive,stupid or a combination of both. Best part tho.? Jack moderates the reddit sub and the original poster who found their building received no punishment what-so-ever.

  • Palpatine

    It doesn’t really matter at this point, I moved on from that “incident” a day after it happened. And besides, it’s not like it affected me in real life.

  • bassbait

    In my group of friends, I’m kind of like Mike in the sense that I make fun of people all the time and make jokes at their expense. The verdict among my friends is that I’m “funny”, when a lot of the times I’m just trying to make them hate me.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Well sure it doesn’t. I’m just saying the reasoning was fundamentally idiotic. A side effect of contempt for your audience.

  • Palpatine

    Fair enough.

  • RLMkeepitup

    It’s almost January…but the first movie of the year is a tarantino flick.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    alongside the revenant. tis a good start.

  • Marvin Falz

    I didn’t know any of this. All I knew of was that people on the internet likened Jessi to Yoko Ono. Reason why I left the official message board has nothing to do with that.

  • Palpatine

    Has RLM taught Hollywood a lesson?

  • Palpatine

    That was rude of them.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I loved that Mike acknowledged those comments within the next HiTB they did. Sigh everybody misses Jessi nowadays.

  • No? Hateful Eight comes out on the 25th in the States.

  • That was fucking appalling what it was.

  • Palpatine

    I think that’s just a limited screening.

  • Marvin Falz

    Would be interesting to know wether Mike tries to make people hate him and I guess the answer is no.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Can we trade RLM members? Like Pokemons? I’ll trade away Jack if we get Jessi back for at least a single BOTW.

  • Marvin Falz

    It was. It was childish and stupid.

  • Marvin Falz

    I miss Jessi too. She is funny and fits right in.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Ditto.

  • Jack gets a lot of shit from people but I don’t hate him. I just wish Jessi would show up in an episode for good times sake.

  • The Ghost

    It is. I’ve tried to find screenings in any theater near me on Christmas Day; no dice.

  • Oh, my bad then.

  • bassbait

    I never even tried the official message board. I tried it for Cinema Snob once and was like “what’s the point? Forums suck”

    Disqus updates shit, so I don’t have to “subscribe to a thread” in order to hear what people have to say.

  • Marvin Falz

    I think Jack is okay.

  • Palpatine

    And besides, who goes to the movies on Christmas Day?

  • bassbait

    I like Jack. I like all of them. Because they’re human beings, not just monkeys for my entertainment. None of them are pieces of shit or anything.

  • Marvin Falz

    “Disqus updates shit” – one reason why I’m here. The invision basic costfree message board is flawed, so it’s not unusual that you wouldn’t get a subscription e-mail although the thread was updated.

  • Marvin Falz

    True. Everything else is just personal preference, like ‘I like all of them, they’re decent, but I like this and this person more than others.’ Totally normal.

  • RLMkeepitup

    they have Patton Oswald, Macaulay Culkin, Matt Hannon, … RLM is hollywood

  • bassbait

    this is one of 8 places that I talk to people on the internet. 3 of them are obvious (skype, facebook, and youtube), the rest are more specific interest things, and one of them is this comments section.

  • bassbait

    as people I like them all equally. In terms of humor, Mike and then Rich and then Josh.

  • Marvin Falz

    I’m in only 2 places plus the occasional comment on YT. Since google took over the technical side of YT has become crappy.

  • Domo

    The cars in these Cannon films are better actors than the people hired to speak in them.

  • bassbait

    I’ve been on youtube since 06. Every year it gets worse.

  • Marvin Falz

    every one of them has their own speciality. Mike’s humor is my favorite.

  • Marvin Falz

    Seems like they don’t want large commenting communities.

  • Marvin Falz

    The cars also usually look better than the actors.

  • bassbait

    Mike’s humor is almost exactly my humor. Except from a slightly different perspective.

    But long before RLM, I would spend long amounts of time with friends just making puns off of whatever topic they discussed, and saying things to make them look stupid.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’m pretty blown away at how many titles they have. One few people have probly seen is Shy People, which is actually well acted piece. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Cannon_Group_films

  • Domo

    The cars are much more expressive and not such pussies when it comes to stunts.

  • Marvin Falz

    They give it their all.

  • HollywoodIsDead

    Merry Christmas, Charlie Bronson!

  • zzzz

    already saw the revenant and the hateful eight, both are great

  • RLMkeepitup

    are you from a future timeline?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    he simply uses the best movie store on the planet.

  • Sully

    Well… it rhymes, so I guess it must be true.

  • Pornhub?

  • Like Icare

    It’s not racial profiling if you just point out to someone else’s racial profiling.

    No. Seriously.
    Google images for vanity fair magazine cover archives and things get real white real soon.
    But hey… Black people at least get to be on the cover if they are REALLY rich and REALLY famous like Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods, Rihanna, Iman… or if they get elected to be the President.
    Asians on the other hand…

    And while sex operations are a fact of life (and even covered by national medical insurance in some countries that don’t have a stellar record regarding human rights) – opulence shaming is something this world could most certainly use more of.

    So no shame on me… for any of that.
    Now… Laziness and procrastination… that’s a different ball game.
    And by ball game I don’t mean a sex change/enhancement operation.

  • bassbait

    Santa should have run over that woman in The Christmas Tree with his sleigh.

    And then he could say “After all of her naughtiness, she left no choice but to *sleigh* her”

  • TheVerySpecialK

    boo *throws tomato*

  • bassbait

    thanks, my tomatoes froze because my fridge was set too cold, and I wasn’t able to use tomatoes in my dinner tonight.

  • RLMkeepitup

    but who plays the best santa clause, Richard Attenborough?

  • Like Icare
  • TheVerySpecialK

    Now that I’m thinking about it, I might need that tomato back. Here:

    Q: What is Santa’s favorite thrash metal band?

    A: Sleigh-er

  • bassbait

    don’t worry I already made a “Sleigh-er” joke in my head.

    Also, Slayer references don’t get you boos. They just get you “SLAAAAAAAAAAAAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!”

  • Like Icare

    Electable? Ummm… Probably not.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u33PSM-gxCw

  • Like Icare

    I don’t think that their budget includes lawyer expenses.

  • Domo

    Cameron Mitchell.

  • bassbait

    Klaus Nomi.

  • bassbait

    Kevin Smith totally tried to dodge admitting that he was full of shit for liking the prequels. He said “I’m not backpedaling…… to be fair I watched the prequels again recently and… yea… uh… *yikes*”

    and that’s all he had to say. He couldn’t just say “yea the prequels fucking suck”

    I’m sure everyone here cares about Kevin Smith, considering how he’s *super* relevant in 2015.

  • AreyouaNazi? Isthatyourelf?

    I love Invasion USA, it’s such a sad movie with OTT action, it used to be a classic bad movie back in my army days!

  • jmt

    That punch reaction at 4:15 is awesome! I hope that actor found a career in dance.

    It’s how Tobias Funke’s Hot Cops gang member would react to a punch.

  • Where did he say that?

  • RLMkeepitup

    I could see him carpet bombing presents over towns half asleep.

  • RLMkeepitup

    wow, I’m gonna study that list later.. serious botw candidates there

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Death Wish 2 is the greatest motion picture in the history schlock.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “I’d like to Stock’s lasa”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Death Wish 3 is even more schlockier

  • RLMkeepitup

    ‘do you believe in Jesus? well you’re gonna meet him’

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Mommy this is shitty”

  • You’re a wizard, Phoenix.

  • OMNI

    Here is some info on Flamarion Ferreria

    He?She has done a lot of work in the cartoon business

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0274319/

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Five hundy comments and I haven’t even seen it yet – it’s gonna be great!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No I’m a weird who fell in love with Daisy Ridley-wait I DIDN’T SAY THAT!

  • Palpatine

    Mulva is her greatest creation to date.

  • Palpatine

    Nah, Mulva would’ve just ran Santa through with her chainsaw.

  • So, it’s your staff weapon, she’s using in TFA?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I wish she was. *slidewhistle*

  • MichaelKz

    I’ve come to appreciate Martin Balsam in recent years. He’s enjoyable in Death Wish 3. I like that you guys can appreciate the honest stupidity of Death Wish 3. Its predecessor tried to be dramatic like the first Death Wish movie, but quickly devolved into pure revenge action. Death Wish 3 is just pure action and I love Charles Bronson’s casual nature as Paul Kersey. Where you see an actor not giving a fuck, I see a protagonist that is on his game and knows what his life is like now and has to content with it.

    Invasion U.S.A., the sadly over-looked Christmas action movie. Richard Lynch as Rostov really makes the movie for me. He’s such an evil, but charismatic villain. I almost want him to win because he’s trying so hard. I wonder if this movie could take place in the same universe as Red Dawn? The movie has exposition from the news saying that similar invasions are happening all across the United States.

    I don’t know what to say about that Christmas cartoon other than it looks cheap, but it sure has a unique villain, especially for a children’s cartoon.

  • Sully

    Rey is a Mary-Sue.” – Max Landis

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We’ve talked about it and Max is wrong.

  • Palpatine

    I would pay Flamarion Ferreria $500 just to make an animated film about Mrs. Mulva.

  • Sully

    I haven’t seen it, so I can’t comment, but I like Max, he’s good people.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    But Rey is pretty so pretty and nice and lovable that I fell in love with-I mean, hey Sully! Have ya since the posters I’ve made?

  • Sully

    I’d rather see an animated film about Mrs. Vulva.

  • Sully

    NOPE!

    Pound Sign: SharingIsCaring

  • RLMkeepitup

    she’s the mrs. palpa of animation, I’m sure that lightning melted her monster face

  • Palpatine

    I knew there was something about her that I liked.

  • Commander X

    Rey is Luke Skywalker’s daughter and a Super Saiyan and has found all 7 of the Chaos Emeralds and has the highest survival time in the Kobyashi Maru test and graduated from Hogwarts with the highest scores and her eyes are quite striking, violet when she’s in some moods, a bright green when she’s mad. She was able to master the use of a double-bladed lightsaber in only five minutes. But she’s not perfect…she sometimes worries she might not be humble enough.

  • OMNI
  • Palpatine

    Wow, what an illustrious career.

  • OMNI

    I don’t know about anyone else but the “Christmas Tree” made me feel really emotional and sad..

  • Palpatine

    Why?

  • Sully

    I get emotional when I fall, too. It’s probably embarrassment.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hey, Sully check out my posters!

    http://imgur.com/a/xoapZ

  • OMNI

    Dudes been busy, and I grew up looking at and therefore being influenced and inspired by his background art.

  • OMNI

    jerk 😛

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Starring Betty and Linda.

  • MichaelKz

    I guess work is work, but he’s kind of a monster for contributing to those horrible Land Before Time sequels.

  • Sully
  • OMNI

    nothing wrong with securing a solid niche in a lucrative business.

  • RLMkeepitup
  • Sully

    I have the same character flaws. So she’s a relatable every (wo)man.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Except only roughly around 23 women have I ever fell in love with.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s so shitty that it made him weep for humanity.

  • OMNI

    I’m not sure. I’m an artist and cartoons really get to me for some reason.
    I also have a weird sensitivity about dogs getting hurt or being in jeopardy in movies and cartoons.
    Flamerion has a knack for evoking a definite atmosphere with his background work, which I am now realizing is most of what makes the “feel” of an animation.

  • Sully

    Fine! I WILL!!!

  • OMNI

    It’s not that shitty, just weird. I have seen a lot worse art out there. I think creepy is the word for Christmas Tree. Flamerion obviously wanted his break at being a character artist, which didn’t work out. Great Background artist though.
    Two movies that are animations with heart wrenching atmosphere are “Watership Down” and “The Plague Dogs” both of which make me cry. The books by Richard Adams are even better of course.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Exclamation point!

  • MichaelKz

    No matter what, in my opinion, shitty cel-animation is still better than shitty CGI.

  • OMNI

    Absolutely

  • Sully

    Exclamation Point Squared!!

    Looked over the posters, and all good work, but there is an issue.

    You’ve got to recast Bryce-Dallas Howard. Jessica Chastain is already playing “Unacceptably Cute Girl.”

    http://redletterstorypage.tumblr.com

  • Commander X

    With all of the TFA talk these days, it may seem funny to bring up Attack of the Clones now, but here’s a gif from the filming AotC and…well…

    http://i.imgur.com/YNwCyfy.gif

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh yeah but it was for Palpy.

  • Sully

    FASTER… MORE INTENSE!!!”

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Take out that little lazer sword of his and go to town.

  • Palpatine

    That is funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

  • MichaelKz

    That movie ruined Jedi for me. They all look like cosplayers with really good costumes, and that’s it.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did you know they used actual sparks in TFA’s lightsaber fights? That’s awesome even though they could’ve burn their faces including Rey’s. That beautiful, beautiful face….what was I talking about?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    That’s right!

  • Percy Gryce

    Yes. This.

  • HeftyJo

    It’s so dense.

  • HeftyJo

    Mrs. Mulva sticking her finger up the Mayor’s poopy hole.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    My friend is trying to watch Disney Channel movies in order for him to find the worst movie ever.

  • Paul Little

    Whichever one of the boys chose Nick Lowe’s “I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass” for that montage has pretty exceptional taste in music.

  • Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

  • Palpatine

    Good luck to him.

  • Percy Gryce

    I like the idea of Patton Oswalt better than the actual thing itself.

  • Percy Gryce

    The ‘Chud is back! Christmas is saved!

  • Commander X

    They have nothing to react to, and they’re standing in front a bunch of blue screens. That’s part of the problem with the prequels, making movies against blue or green screens with literally no set is such a dumb, anti-film idea.

    The actors themselves were trying to deliver lifeless and dull dialogue amidst a bunch of screens that provided no context or visual cues, it’s no wonder the prequels turned out that way.

  • Percy Gryce

    Oh, yeah, and you too, Foxy.

  • Like Icare

    People getting jacked in this movie.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He’s watching something called Lemonade Mouth now.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The urban market.

  • Palpatine

    Ew.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It’s about a band. He couldn’t remember the names of the characters so he renamed them based on appearance and little character.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Cannon Films documentary is surprisingly touching.

  • genetunneygent

    Biys, I just can’t understand how you know so much about movies and you’ve never heard of Michael Winner or seem to know any of Charles Bronson’s other films.

  • Like Icare

    http://disneyslemonademouth.wikia.com/wiki/Mel%27s_Lemonade

    About Mel’s Lemonade
    Mel’s Lemonade is a sour, organic lemonade product that can be found in machines down in the basement of

    Significance

    All of the bandmates of Lemonade Mouth (before they start their band) happen to drink Mel’s at the same time.
    Soon, they get into a fight with Ray Beech, and Stella spits Mel’s
    Lemonade in his face. He calls her “Lemonade Mouth” and that later turns
    into the band’s name. At the Halloween Bash, they pass out Mel’s
    Lemonade during their performance. Also, when the Mel’s Lemonade machine is being removed from Mesa High, Stella sits in front of the truck that
    they’re loading it into to “protest against it’s removal”.

    At the end of the movie, Mel’s becomes the sponsor for Mesa High,
    after Stella meets Mel at Wen’s dad’s wedding and asks him to do so. Mel
    himself also buys an auditorium for Mesa High.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    600 comments down and I only just fixed my computer!
    They did this on purpose!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So it’s every movie ever?

  • Palpatine

    Mesa High? Is Jar Jar the principal?

  • Invasion USA is pretty much how Donald Trump and his batshit insane supporters view his presidential platform. It’s practically a documentary and a blueprint for his campaign.

  • genetunneygent

    On the other hand, it’s pretty much what is actually going on in Syria right now. Except there’s no Chuck Norris.

  • Sully

    So Rey’s true lineage was unveiled in the dumbest fucking way possible. That said, I don’t think anyone would be surprised.

    [Spoilers]:

    http://epicstream.com/news/Reys-Identity-Revealed-in-Star-Wars-The-Force-Awakens-Disney-Infinity-Game

  • OMNI

    Could you make Star Wars comments in the previous thread please. Shit is getting pretty redundant and is off topic…fuck you very much.

  • Sully

    No.

  • OMNI

    jerk

  • Sully

    I’ll allow it.

  • Greg

    Brilliant! …. I love u guys! your starwars predictions were so accurate!

  • OMNI

    Thank you oh worshipful Sully. I think Star Wars is becoming a global psychosis, for real…

  • Sully

    It has been for a while now. Jedism is a thing, brah.

  • Like Icare

    Could be. He too is a Disney character now.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh my god Rey, played my future girlfriend, is Luke’s daughter? I didn’t see that coming at all.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It came from Angry Joe, the man who thought that obvious dream sequence in BvS’ trailers was not a dream. Truly a trust worthy source.

  • Like Icare

    You know what would be awesome? If they try to backpedal on that now.

    And then it’s wall to wall fans rationalizing how THAT’S why she was so intimate with Leia and why Han offered her to fly the Falcon – cause she was their kid too.
    And how Han was actually coming for her (while hauling baby Cthulhus) and awwww…

    Except Han wanted to put her in a pod and dump her, while Leia just shrugs knowing one of her kids kidnapped the other and took it to Death Star 3.11 for Workgroups – and then she orders an assault on that place to destroy it.

  • Jason Ross

    Three, two, three, four. Four, two, three AND!!!

  • Like Icare

    Did you say shitty and animation?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_OsLiS22wU

    You know… for kids.

  • Thanatos2k

    Too bad Roger Ebert couldn’t recant before…you know…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Imagine if there was still movies like Cannon Films.

  • Sully

    You’re probably right. I hope you’re right.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Joe didn’t realize it was stylistically designed to be that way so he tried to diminish he effects of it.

  • Jason Ross

    I’m sure this 19th sequel is lost on fans of the original, who are now 85 years old.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Dust in the wind.

  • marko112kg

    Well, he was old by then and wanted to stay hip.

  • A traditional holiday space rap – Murray Festivus to all!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzXlvwgDCgo

  • Joe Syxpac

    At this point I think Disney owns the rights to me as well.

    I gotta pay em money every time I take a selfie.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Gone the way of Orion.

  • Joe Syxpac

    No Chuck, but a ton of Marina Sirtis.

  • Like Icare

    Speaking of Star Wars…

    Imagine this shit for a moment.
    That Finn guy. Isn’t it stupid that he’s, after all those years, suddenly afraid?
    Imagine him suffering from PTSD instead.
    After all… he’s a grown child soldier. Taught obedience from a young age. Taught how to kill.
    Like this guy. A stormtrooper.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx5J0dW2rh4
    Only bigger. Luke WAS a little short for a stormtrooper. Why would anyone create or breed average-sized soldiers if one could create 7-foot tall war machines, right?
    Also quieter. Speaks when spoken to. Addresses people with “Sir”. Instinctive sense of who’s in charge and who gives orders.

    Now… imagine all that hot-dogging we saw from Finn instead being part of Poe’s character – he’s already cocky and shit, right?
    And instead of Poe making a “miraculous escape” off screen – have them both meet Rey who could then actually not have to be an instant super-pilot too, making her less perfect and more realistic.

    Then we get what seems like the old Solo-Leia-Luke dynamic…
    Except there’s none of that brother-sister crap AND there’s room for the lonely little scavenger girl that goes around saving stray droids to bond with this giant killing machine who is actually just a kid who needs someone to love him.
    AND there’s this cocky handsome pilot there too.
    AAAND there’s a dozen ways to play with who’s protecting whom and who’s helping whom and who needs protection and who feels like a protector.

    Imagine a Star WARS character who is an actual soldier, tired of all that WARS crap and the dynamic between him, a guy who thinks he’s invincible inside his X-Wing and a girl in search for her family and finding out about all that Force baggage she’s carrying. And then playing with the emotional center of the story, from movie to movie.

    Big guy learns there are sides in a war, that it matters why and what for one fights and to accept himself for what he is but also that he could be more, growing from a reluctant killer to a protector and a champion.
    Cocky guy learns his limits and that he’s not playing games but fighting in a war and that there is more at stake than being the best and fastest pilot out there and dropping that ordnance right on target.
    Lonely girl discovers her powers and her legacy and finds the strength to deal with it all in finding a place to belong to.
    Also, cute cuddly little cartoon rabbit-like aliens. Half tribbles half kittens. In various colors. Kids will love them. They’ll sell like hotcakes.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I wonder how you direct that?

    *sips coffee*

    “Okay, everyone just swing around at nothing until I say “cut”.

    “Sometimes I forget to say “cut”.

  • Marvin Falz

    People getting wiped out. Sam Jackson truly got the spirit of Star Wars.

  • Like Icare

    Well… that’s the price you pay for that Mickey Mouse tattoo…

    Nobody forced you to get it done on your forehead. What’s wrong with an ass tat?
    Have only your porn producer deal with that copyright and trademark shit.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I like it.

    I also love Soldier. Kurt Russell really pulls off the steely-eyed killer who can’t relate to normal people.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I sense sarcasm in the force.

  • Joe Syxpac

    The talking pizza roll told me to do it.

  • tOmy`

    Sorta, yea.

    But while I think Love Actually does come with some nice moments, good jokes and a dash of creativity, it lacks some of the soul of Notting Hill / You’ve Got Mail.

    Sure, might be because my family used to own a small bookstore, so I am a sucker for stories around such places, but it feels more… honest? And definitely more focused.

  • Like Icare

    He’s excellent there.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_05TC-EMVus

    The best part is that’s a Paul W.S. Anderson movie – written by the Blade Runner, Unforgiven, Twelve Monkeys, Blood of Heroes, Ladyhawke guy.

  • tOmy`

    Please, tell me they will start selling pieces of lore as DLCs.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Seriously? no Bay of Pigs jokes?

  • tOmy`

    Happy holidays, everyone! It was an awful year for humanity, but Star Wars didn’t manage to bomb, so I guess we can now shove our faces full of food and wash it down with the corporate taste of Coca Cola, feeling like we achieved nirvana by being able to buy 90% of presents in time, just with a little bit of stress and self-loathing.

  • tOmy`

    (Well, I wasn’t totally wrong…)

  • Marvin Falz

    It’s Force Sarcasm (TM).

  • tOmy`

    Speaking of Star Wars: So how many bags of cash have Disney “redistributed” to reviewers? Call me cynical, but after all, this is a 4 billion investment and the movie doesn’t deserve these flawless reviews.

  • Marvin Falz

    As long as a product displays images of Santa on it, it is holy and therefore good and desirable. Christmas Coca Cola FTW.

    Happy Holidays.

  • tOmy`

    To you too. The shocking reality of the Santa-related products is the fact that we don’t even have Santa here, but yea.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I will suck Cocaine-Cola rather than Piss-Pee.
    And I had a great Richmas with the people I love, ‘My Family’ you GRINCH!….
    But I have to spend the weekend with ‘my family’ who annoy the shit out of me.
    That is Christmas.

  • Marvin Falz

    The higher the investment, the more perfecterer it is.

    My prediction is that the excitement for this installment of Star Wars will die down rather soon and viewers and reviewers won’t be talking and fighting about its worth as if it was one of the prequels.

  • Marvin Falz

    “Love / Hate is in one in the same. I can’t differentiate between love and hate.” – Phil Rind, Sacred Reich

    “Love … hate … look, we’re family, what’s the difference.” Al Bundy, Married… with Children

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    thOmas my dear boy… Look at the competition. this is clearly a top ten movie from Hollywould this year.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No…. really no Bay of Pigs jokes?

  • Marvin Falz

    Neither do we. And I’m grateful for that. Christmas isn’t in our faces.

  • tOmy`

    Oh, yea, I guess so. But still. The more reviews I read, the more I think people must have seen a different movie than me (and even “us”, including people who loved it).

    It’s like people are afraid to say something bad about it, while praising every SJW aspect of it to heavens, while missing the obvious, cynical point.

    I just have this weird feeling from it all. And being a business-trained cheerleader, I am very much aware of the two names of the game:
    1) Maximize profit
    2) Protect your investment

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Its 8PM on Richmas eve! You had better watch out…..

  • Like Icare

    No offense but only soul Notting Hill has is in support characters.
    Like Dylan Moran stealing books – and then he goes and makes Black Books. Making that a retroactive joke.
    Or Rhys Ifans playing the clown.

    Both leads on the other hand are… SO FUCKIN FAKE!
    And completely unrealistic and preposterous that it’s borderline experimental.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Seriously, if they watched the magic space weapon as it was destroying the heart of the galaxy I will launch a Plinkett Level war on JJ, Herr Disney and Jorge.

  • Marvin Falz

    You’re 10 hours ahead of me. Santa will punish me in about 8 hours, since distribution of presents (Bescherung) usually takes place around 6 PM.

  • Joe Syxpac

    David Peoples claimed it took place in the same universe as Blade Runner, there’s even two battles that are mentioned in BR in Todd’s service history.

    Soldier is one of those movies that is almost universally disliked but is actually fantastic. If you throw out the notion that it’s a sci-fi action movie (which it isn’t) and accept that it’s a human drama In a sci-fi setting it’s much better. The “Fear and Discipline” scene has Kurt only saying a few words but he’s projecting the character and emotions very well regardless. This movie has some of the best “acting with your eyes” that’s ever been done.

    Plus he’s surrounded by a lot of other great actors. Connie Nielsen works very well with him.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Ich bin ein Australian. We live in the future.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Great. Now I want a Coke.

    Thanks a lot.

  • Marvin Falz

    And with wide open spaces and scarce population. That must be really nice.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Well, I’m sorry I like something. Merry Christmas.

  • tOmy`

    a) This is in no way related to “us” – that is why I said that official reviews are praising it more than people loving it (like you). It wasn’t a personal stab at anyone, so let’s not turn it into Jurassic World case, or I am gonna be sad and grumpy every time someone badmouths Fast 7.
    b) Really more aimed at people reviewing this movie and finding things in it that are simply not in the movie – like that whole female emancipation thingie.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It is nice not being able to see another human. or even a building… or a street light.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Again…. Australian… we worship a different Bundy….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHmw0u2G9kw

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    YOU NERD! I love the lightsaber battle at the end. xoxox

  • Domo

    See, I see the opposite because of the fact that I liked the film. I’m coming across reviews that are nitpicking this film to death.

    It’s people who go “It’s not as bad as the prequels” then critique and nitpick to the point where it sounds as bad as the prequels.

    And because Finn is no longer the lead, the whole “Oooh, a black lead in a movie! Let’s bitch about it!” has switched to a woman being the lead and all the issues surrounding that. And to me, it’s not much different than when people bitched about Furiosa being a prominent character in a Mad Max film.

    It’s like all the Titanic backlash, but instead of a year later, it’s just a few days after the film came out because everyone was so hyped for it.

    So, like Bubs said a few days back, I’m kinda out. There’s just too much vitriol for me to handle so close to Baby Rich Evans’ birthday.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Kill him Kylo tOm! he is a traitor! DO IT!

  • Marvin Falz

    I like that too. That’s why I wouldn’t want to move into any big city. Luckily I live about 10 minutes away from the forest in a smaller town.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Fuck you, I bet you liked that realllllly! COOL bit when Po returned from the dead!..
    That was a cool bit though….

  • Marvin Falz

    Not THAT’S cheerful music. Happy holidays.

  • Domo

    It was a little event you might have heard of. It wasn’t a big deal, you know, but you might have heard of it.

    It was called The war of 1812.

  • Domo

    I don’t like Poe Dameron thaaat much.

    I’ve only bought one sex toy of him. No biggie.

  • Like Icare
  • tOmy`

    My main issue with Rey being the lead is that they (at least from my point of view) didn’t nail her being believable

    As I said, she is too damn perfect and that feels just like another “fantasy”, rather than smart writing of a female protagonist in a sci-fi movie. That’s why I am pretty surprised that it is being hailed as a revolutionary moment for blockbusters; sure, if the vocal female population definitely wanted a character who is perfect, beautiful, literally tells men to “don’t hold my hand” and generally being some sort of a cardboard superhero, then I didn’t get the memo, because I thought this particular part of society wanted a female hero with depth. I just simply think it’s a shame they didn’t make her better.

    (Side note: I very much enjoyed all the characters in this movie, so this is not bitching about TFA, rather than bitching about the hype.)

    And by the way, this conclusion dawned onto me after I saw Marvel’s Jessica Jones who knocked out primarily male-oriented / male-focused universe and didn’t even shy away from topics like rape culture, male fantasy and so on.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Seriously if he pulled out a double barrel blaster in the next movie… or some ChainSaber?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Oh I thought I was the only one listing invasions of the americas.
    Clue: It was EVERYONE!!!

  • Joe Syxpac

    They can’t all be Ellen Ripley.

  • Marvin Falz

    EDIT:

    Oh, typo, I meant to write: Now

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Domo

    Well, look at Black Widow in AoU. She was given some depth with her backstory about why she’s a monster like Hulk. Were people happy about that? Nope! Internet war broke out over that. Over 2 lines.

    I just don’t see Rey like you do. I like that she’s had a hard life, but is hopeful. Like there’s one shot toward the beginning, where Rey is cleaning a part, and is looking at the old woman across from her. Without saying a word, she knows that she’s gonna end up like that woman if she’s stuck on that planet, but still holds out hope and tells a droid that her family will come and get her. She doesn’t have anyone else to confide in. Her looks don’t matter to me. That image of finding hope in hopelessness does. And she fits that image.

    I’m not trying to guilt-trip or make this personal, as an FYI. I just want to say why this matters to me. Just wanting to give a different viewpoint.

  • Domo

    It’s his Poe stick.

    The fanfics will go wild!

  • Like Icare

    Episode 8 is planned for May 2017.

    Soo… Prepare for the hype to start being hyped by the summer blockbuster season… keeping the hype alive.
    Which will bring inevitable revisits to the whole thing… aaaand… begin the trilogy wars will.
    With delusional fans on all sides.

    What I do wonder is, will the prequel fans who hate these new movies, realize that prequels are shit too?
    Also, just how many fractions will be there?
    And how does all this influence Jedism as a religion?

  • Woah, as if nobody saw that coming. The first trailer with Luke’s voice over hints at that too.

  • Like Icare

    Goddamn space Mexicans…

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    Well grind my gears and call me an Edsel. I now have the answer to a question that’s been bugging me for literally decades, and that answer is Invasion USA.

    I had an old memory of a scene from a movie in which a woman was snorting coke and then had her head slammed into the table, ramming whatever she was using to snort with quite brutally into her nasal cavity. I never knew what movie it was until this wondrous Christmas episode. In fact, I had completely forgotten about that childhood memory until that very scene showed up here. And like an overcharged jump start, it hit me and I cried out, “Holy crap, THIS is the movie!” Thanks, guys!

    Also, thanks for mentioning Low Blow again. Glad you guys are such fans.

  • Jack Friday

    I think the prequels are extremely artistically valuable, in that, they show what happens when someone isn’t humble enough to recognize their limitations. There were plenty of amazing writers and concept artists that could have made the prequels riveting. Only George could have been in such an extraordinary position to completely bungle those films in the most inept of ways, and then walk away just as rich and clueless as he was before.

  • Always Cocaine *hums*

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Spc-Mex.

  • Like Icare

    To be fair, it does work as an action movie too.
    But yeah. He does some great acting there.

  • Marvin Falz

    Amazing that human beings get so caught up in narratives that they even start wars (verbally and physically). Like that guy in the People vs. George Lucas HitB:

    “People say it’s just a movie. No, it’s not just a movie.”

    Is it that surprising? To quote Mr. Spock: “Not coming from a human being. You are, after all, essentially
    irrational.”
    http://www.chakoteya.net/startrek/31.htm

  • Frank Lovejoy

    Allow me to be the voice of reason for a second:

    Nobody literally put a gun to Marina Sirtis’ head and forced her to ‘act’ in Death Wish 3.

    That scene of her crying about all the horrible movies she ‘had to do’ was uncomfortable for many reasons, but one of the primary ones is that it’s idiotic for a rich, successful actor or actress to complain about the crap they did because they were desperate to be rich and successful at playing pretend.

    Not defending Winner, who sounds like a real creep. But she could have walked off that set, or any of those sets. She’s not an innocent victim, she made a bargain.

    And the reason this ticks me off is every time that woman opens her mouth it’s to complain. I agree, it was a real dick move to take all of her actual character and give it to Whoopi Goldberg (who forced her way onto the show, so blame her as much as anyone else). But nobody made her stay on TNG and wear low-cut shirts. She chose to do that. Nobody made her do soft-core porn and crap exploitation films. She chose to do that.

    Denise Crosby didn’t like her role and she walked. And yeah, she later regretted it … but she got better roles out of the move. That’s much more respectable than whining and playing along. And Denise showed her breasts quite a few times, too.

  • tOmy`

    Good write up! Definitely something to think about when I see it for second time (because I definitely will).

  • tOmy`

    Wesołych Świąt

  • tOmy`

    Oh, btw, need to set one thing straight: Couple of days I was bitching about casting choice for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child; unfortunately, the article was confusing when it came to what kinda medium this is gonna be. Since it is an actual play, I obviously take back everything I said, because my main concern was how dumb it is to fuck up the continuity of series. My bad.

  • Domo

    Oh good. I thought I annoyed you with what I wrote, and that wasn’t my intent.

    Like I think of a more modern cardboard woman ‘superhero’ as Sucker Punch, y’know? Eyelases for days, perfect hair and makeup, slutty costumes, and add a dash of lobotomies to seal the deal.

    Rey’s hair is always a sweaty mess, she never wears it down in lusty locks, her outfit never changes or conveniently loses pieces to show more skin as the movie goes on. She doesn’t look like she’s wearing makeup. She’s girl-next-door cute, but not Megan Fox babe-ish. Just a thought.

    I’ll probably give Jessica Jones a try over the holiday break, but if goes too much into rape culture stuff like you mentioned, I’ll probably bow out. I even got rape shit from watching Downton Abbey and Mad Men. Just tired of it at this point.

  • Veselé Vánoce a Šťastný Nový rok!

  • Like Icare

    You know… they might be just a tad smarter than that.
    Remember how that fat fuck Harry Knowles gave great reviews to Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla, then later claimed he was seduced by the spectacle and the Taco Bell dog?

    20,000 screaming New Yorkers in Madison Square Garden. Speakers the
    size of some of Austin’s Downtown buildings. Beach balls being bounced around by the audience. The TACO BELL dog in the audience. It was among the most surreal and fun film experiences I have ever had. That night I filed my glowing review, the next morning Glen and I flew back to Austin. Dad picked me up from the airport, and we went straight to the Highland 10 here in Austin so he and I could watch it again.

    Oh god, that was a different movie. In an audience of three, I watched without all the distractions, no beach balls, no gigantic sound system, and without 20,000 screaming New Yorkers… and I was left staring at some of the most wooden performances I’ve ever seen.
    After it was over, I realized I had to tell the readers…. STOOOOOOP, I WAS ON CRACK.

    Spectacle sells.

    Just ask James Cameron.
    And reviewers are people too. They are susceptible to some subtle mind-rape.
    Make it all into this huge event… with hundreds of millions invested in hyping… Incept them with the idea that it is a great movie…
    And you’ll get fantastic reviews.

    By the time that initial burst of !FANTASTIC! reviews gets drowned out by “Meh…” and “IT FUCKING SUCKS! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!” – it will already make back 3 times the investment.
    And that’s not counting the toys and shit.

    Excluding Jar Jar from the sequels was not the only lesson learned from Phantom Menace.
    Pretty soon the consensus will be that 7 was an OK movie, but episode 8 will be GREAT!

    Imdb is already giving it 8.7 (8.6 arithmetical mean), while those “best movie ever” grades are down to 38.7%.
    From over 50% just the other day.

    But I do love how Max Headroom was attacked for calling Mary Sue a Mary Sue.
    Whodathunk that, right?

  • tOmy`

    You? Annoying me? If that ever happens (and I am certain it won’t), I am pretty sure it will be because of my own behavior.

    And good call with Sucker Punch.

    Regarding rape culture in JJ: Without any spoilers, the main villain has an ability to mind control people, obviously leading to non-consensual sex (never depicted). The main “rape culture” vibe is when he tries to justify his behavior and uses apologies very similar to apologies actual rapist use. But I would say this is a minor vibe (yet very brilliant) of the show; the objectification of women (and men) is definitely the more important aspect.

  • Domo

    I’ll still give it a shot. I’ve always liked Kristen Ritter. And thank you.

  • tOmy`

    I think it is definitely worth it; especially because I think it nailed one important thing:

    Yes, we can make a series about female superhero noone ever heard of and we can make it work much better than 95% of Marvel movies and most likely smarter than all of them. And that alone is worth a small celebration.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I said pretty much that to Wifey when I saw it. I am getting fucking tired of having my intelligence insulted because I liked a movie. Merry Christmas.

  • Like Icare

    Don’t look now… but that shot of that old woman… that’s pure pandering.

    And terrible pandering at that as it is then completely dismissed long before the quest begins, NEVER to be addressed again.

    What economic insecurity? Is this a movie about space taxes again?

    And even worse – it is made laughable long before that shot is even shown.
    With all those scenes of Rey as a creature of action and will and hope and control of her own destiny, worker and tinkerer and scavenger and survivor…

    All that sets up a character who will NOT be doing the same thing, running in place, without ever achieving any progress, for the next 50-60 years.
    But since Jar Jar is a hack – the best he can do is a cheap attempt at some emotional low hanging fruits.
    Just like that “You get less food now” scene or that “Lookit all this food” scene. It’s crap.

    We never feel that she’s in any danger of starving or being harmed cause she is such a strong and powerful girl in control of her own blah-blah-blah…
    I mean… godforbid some actual tough moral choices… like being forced to steal to survive. Or actually contemplating selling BB-8… Say there’s a sandstorm and she can’t scavenge for a week… Or her pet cat-lizard gets sick.

    Hey… Batman stole fruit to survive… and then he sees a street kid who’s doing far worse than him and shares his stolen food with him.

    Naaah… too complicated. Here’s a shot of an old woman rubbing a thing with a thing.

    Sympathize. Sympathize. Sympathize.

  • Domo

    That’s pandering to you. It’s opinion. Not a fact. I don’t need tons of exposition to explain all the toils of her life. A simple shot of an old woman rubbing a thing with a thing, which I’m pretty sure is where Rey will end up if she doesn’t change her life, is all I need. That was fine by me. Being given low amounts of food, then offered and refusing a ton in exchange for a droid she’s grown attached to, says a lot out of a little for me, as well. It’s not crap to me.

  • bassbait

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lfocnclUFQ

    somewhere around the 8 minute mark? I think.

  • bassbait

    you’re gonna be sorry once the *real* reviews come in, showing everyone just how awful the movie is!!

    The Star Wars Justice Warriors (SWJWs) are going to open everyone’s eyes to the fact that The Force Awakens is just an excuse to… do… something!!! And I hate it!!!

  • Like Icare

    It’s not an opinion.
    You can literally measure irrelevance of that shot to ANYTHING in the movie.

    Watch it again and count the shots of her being productive and able and capable and forward thinking and moving and generally being a person of action – and compare it to the length of that shot.
    Then compare that shot to everything else in the movie.
    Which gets a ONE single mention of any economic issue ever again.
    Han Solo and the Case of Borrowing Money From Two Guys.

    AAAAAAND it is contradictory to absolutely everything ever presented about the character – WHO IS NOT, NOT, NOT A DAMN VICTIM.
    She can’t even stay a damsel in distress… no… wait… she is physically incapable of being tortured.

    Those who torture and imprison her – get tortured and imprisoned themselves.
    She ain’t Mary Sue. She’s Mary Supergirl!
    So there’s all that – and there’s a blink and you’ll miss it shot of an old woman rubbing a thing with a thing.

    As for BB-8 and “droid is not for sale”… Why?
    Why is the droid not for sale? Cause it supposedly belongs to someone else?
    Cause it’s a human being?
    Cause they’ve grown attached to each other over the decades?

    It’s a rolling toaster.

    Luke was ready to bargain his droids for Han.
    Kenobi was willing to sell them to stormtroopers though they were not his.
    There is no reason for her to refuse to trade it in other than “Aww, lookit how it looks at me! It’s like a baby.”
    Except she knows that it is not a baby since she is not an idiot.

    Also, compare that supposed emotional attachment Rey makes to that rolling ball then… and any time later in the movie.
    What droid? Oh… yeah… that guy took it in his X-Wing.

    Again… had Jar Jar been capable to visualize what is it that he’s trying to show there, she’d either reject the offer to trade it in as a matter of principles (“Droid is not mine to sell. I’m keeping it for a friend.”) OR she’d get suspicious about the sudden interest in the droid.

    Maybe have the trader claim earlier how he’s low on supplies so he can’t give her more than a quarter ration, or how he’s already sent all the salvaged parts so he can’t give her more as it will now only sit on his shelf until the next transport – and have a little victory for her by pointing out that he can obviously pay her the full price for her salvaged parts.

    Naaah… Here a shot of her hugging food packets like an animal.

    See kids? This means she’s hungry and you should sympathize with her.
    Like in that scene later when out of nowhere she is supposedly amazed by the color green… aaaaand that’s it.
    No more mention of that.
    She doesn’t even mention how she hates sand or anything.

    It’s just cheap attempts at stirring up emotions. All of it.
    It’s a single dead Ewoks. Quick – everyone cry a single tear.

  • bassbait

    I think she’s emotionally stunted because she’s spent years living life essentially in isolation. The irony is that when people say that she’s “too perfect”, they ask for an alternative where she would actually be “too perfect”. Some of what happens to her is reminiscent of someone with PTSD over someone who’s a “mary sue”. I think the debate is absurd either way because we’ll see more context in the next film which will allow us to see more of who the character really is.

    After all, if we only go based on A New Hope, then Luke is just a big whiner, and nothing more… right?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    She doesn’t sell BB-8 because they’re BFF. Everyone is a BFF in this movie.

    “We’re a family!”-Star Trek reboot gimmick carried over here too.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    But you’re not discussing this movie in this webzone with anyone though:P

  • bassbait

    I did not think Rey was attractive in TFA, and I’m very quickly and easily attracted to women. I think they did a good job of not making looks a priority for her, though I’m sure many people will find her attractive.

    And all of the reasons why the Sucker Punch character is cardboard are reasons why I want to see Sucker Punch. That title is fairly accurate because I feel like a sucker for still wanting to see it after everyone says it sucks.

  • bassbait

    you liked a movie? That’s not what the internet is for. The internet is only for hate!

    I hate the internet.

  • bassbait

    rubbing a thing with a thing? Did I miss something? Or is the next film set to get a lil NC-17?

  • bassbait

    Nah, I think she didn’t sell BB-8 because she had a hunch. Also because Plutt or whatever that guy’s name is, is an asshole.

  • Yeah, I’m sure she wasn’t threatened with lawyers or anything. The fact that she played in shitty movies does not mean she deserved to be treated the way she was.

  • bassbait

    after what happened with Linda Lovelace I’m much more likely to side with an actress than with a creepy asshole behind the scenes.

  • Even Star Wars needs to be about nice things like decency and family values.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I mean they will find her attractive because the actress herself is pretty damn attractive. Seen Charlize Theron in Monster? That’s the kind of length you have to go to truly eradicate the look of a person who could easily be a model IRL:

    http://i1.wp.com/freshfromthetheatre.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/charlize.jpg

  • bassbait

    Luke was willing to give his father a hand.

  • Domo

    Y’know what? The old lady with the thing and the thing is referenced by Maz Kanata later. She tells her “You know the truth, and what’s waiting for you on Jakku.” Why does it need so much more?

    If you want Citizen Kane, fine. I don’t. I’m not going to sit here and argue with you when all I want, really, is a conversation. I don’t want your re-write. You are not my Mr. Plinkett.

  • bassbait

    I couldn’t help but notice Ridley’s light amounts of make-up during the movie. I guess that’s what seeing her face blown up to be the size of Godzilla does.

    I had literally never seen how she looks outside of TFA until now. Never heard of her before TFA so yea… she is very very attractive. But I think they do enough to normalize her look that I don’t think about it while watching the movie.

    Carrie Fisher in Empire, on the other hand, has always been attractive to me for some reason. Not nearly as much so in Jedi, though that’s the one people flock to.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    But isn’t Star Wars all about incest and things being dense?

  • bassbait

    they have other Charles Bronson movies on their shelves. So they definitely know other CB movies.

    The only other one I’ve seen besides Death Wish 2 and 3, is The Great Escape.

  • Incest stays in the family, doesn’t it? FAMILY VALUES

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Touché.

  • Like Icare

    Luke has an arc in Star Wars.

    He longs for adventure, gets the call, suffers loss, leaves old life behind, has adventures and is shown secret knowledge, rescues princess, suffers loss, fights, makes friends, joins a cause he’s been longing to join, fights in a great battle, finds faith in the Force, is victorious, is a hero, is awarded.

    And no.
    Nothing about her is PTSD.
    Nor is she shown to be suffering in any way other than “less food for parts today than yesterday”.

    It’s not even “last month this was worth more” or “I remember a time this got me 2 rations”. Nope.
    A single day of fasting a little.

    As for more context… Max Headroom puts it in a proper perspective.
    That’s not how a movie works. That’s how a TV show works.
    Daily or weekly episodes. Not something that will come out in a year and a half.

    If we were to look at movies that way… hell… prequels are fantastic cause it all rhymes with movies made decades earlier but which are later in the story.
    Jake Lloyd is fantastic cause Vader is awesome.
    What? Later movies patch up the holes left earlier in the story.
    More context.

    Hell… Tommy Wiseau’s The Room is a ten Oscar winner cause eventually someone will make a sequel to it that will be GREAT and will win those Oscars.
    So what it if takes a thousand years. Better context is just around the corner.

  • Like Icare

    It’s a critique of the global widget market’s exploitation of female manual labor in the polishing things industries of the developing desert planets.
    Czech your privilege.

  • WhatPlanetAmIOn

    I just rewatched The Empire Strikes Back.

    Oh, man…

  • dollar store cashier wife

    if JJ had directed it The Battle of Hoth would have taken 90 seconds. 30 seconds of those 90 seconds would be devoted to witty banter.

  • bassbait

    1.Max Landis’s complaint of “that’s not how a movie works” is complete bullshit. Star Wars is an adventure serial, it works off of leaving things open ended for future installments. That’s intended from the very first minute of the first Star Wars – the text crawl itself is an indication that the storyline is supposed to be an ongoing thing. And “that’s not how a movie works” is just silly because there are no rules for film-making besides make a film. That’s it.

    2.Compare TFA to the prequels all you want but I have no interest in talking about the prequels because that has nothing to do with TFA for me. They are separate entities and not worth comparing.

    3.I said “more like PTSD”. It didn’t have to be PTSD specifically, but my point was that emotional growth can be affected by the life you’ve had to live not being super great, and a lot of the point of Jakku was to demonstrate, non-verbally, that Rey isn’t living a very good life. The “force vision” scene does a lot to provide some context as for why she might be in such a situation, and where her mental and emotional state is. But it leaves some things open because it is a *series*. TV *series* and film *series*. If providing context later isn’t ok in a film series, then it’s not ok in a TV series either, which would mean all TV shows are terrible for the same reason that you’re pinning on TFA. I don’t care if it takes 2 years to come out or 2 days, because the complaint that “only TV shows are allowed to do that!” is bullshit. After all, Star Wars was founded on the idea that movies can do that too. Or should films just never have sequels planned out in advance?

    4.Luke’s character in A New Hope is a little too perfect if you ask me. All of the things you said that explain his arc explain why his character doesn’t work super well for me. Because it rigidly sticks to an exact formula of “protagonist”. Beat by beat playing by the book. Then Empire came and actually made him a character worth investing in. For me, A New Hope was about the adventure and about Han and Leia more than it was Luke. I mean I like Luke but this idea that he’s the most perfect character ever devised is silly. Rey has more of interest to me. Sure it’s left open ended in a lot of ways but I’m fine with that. If you aren’t, then sorry, but I don’t really care. You can feel however you want about TFA, but I thought it was great and I thought most aspects about it worked.

  • bassbait

    So Death Wish 3…

    oh…

    Star Wars…

    ok…

    Merry Star Wars everybody!

  • Merry Richmas everybody! http://i.imgur.com/toYLxFP.jpg

  • Marvin Falz

    To you too.

  • Marvin Falz

    To you too..

  • Frank Lovejoy

    Are you really that desperate to play the role of a white knight? Seriously? Siding with a soft-core porn actress with limited dramatic skills who believes she can blame her own poor decisions on everybody else?

    Have some honor in your sold life. Like Shannon Tweed or Ron Jeremy.

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh, btw, speaking of Star Wars, yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away and I started to watch The Blackened Mantle (a prequels fan edit). The inital five minutes featuring a shortened version of the battle between Obi, Qui-Gon and Maul were entertaining and I got my hopes up, then after that battle, we went straight into the beginning battle scene of RotS, which became instantly unbearable so that I soon stopped watching.

    I don’t know what language the Blackened Mantle is in, I didn’t investigate, but the subtitles indicated that the dialogues are changed. “Sith Lords are our speciality” was changed into some other line which made sense in its context.

    Ultimately I must say, in whatever form the prequels are presented, they are unbearable. Give me Nukie over the prequels anytime.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    To you as well maggit. Time to have too much eggnog:

    http://i.imgur.com/yjnLWku.jpg

  • bassbait

    I actually like Nukie.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    When you mention “what happened to Linda Lovelace”, would that be the tall tale she invented after becoming a born-again Christian, which everybody else on set explicitly rejects as false? The one that requires you to ignore her continuing decades of being a porn actress and even writing two pro-porn books?

  • Marvin Falz

    In a desperate attempt to be trollish:

    Are you really that desperate to like Nukie publicly?

    In normal mode: I haven’t seen Nukie. Should I?

  • bassbait

    do you ever turn off this whole “be an asshole to all people at all times” thing? It’s almost Christmas.

  • Frank Lovejoy

    Are you ever right about anything? And when you’re shown to be wrong, can you ever just admit it?

  • bassbait

    Depends on what you value out of film. Do you value good characters? A compelling plot? Good effects and pacing? Good performances and an ability to understand what’s going on?

    Because if so, then no, you shouldn’t see Nukie. Buuut, if you’re on a journey to find the most incomprehensible excuse for a movie ever made, I’d say Nukie’s a good starting point. Though not the end point (Double Down and Things are the top of thast list… so far)

  • bassbait

    I asked my question first, so you have to answer first.

  • Marvin Falz

    Usually I value what you’ve stated in the first paragraph. Well, Nukie is posted on YT, maybe I’ll give it a try anyway.

  • bassbait

    After years of watching films subject themselves to boring, stale formulas, seeing Nukie, an incomprehensible mess, is like a breath of fresh air. I don’t know how people can actually be *looking* for movies that do the same-old-same-old. But I guess that’s just me.

  • Domo

    I heard eggnog holds up pretty well in flasks.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/eawYBbP6zfs/maxresdefault.jpg

  • bassbait

    Mark Kermode – “Eyes Wide Shut was easily Stanley Kubrick’s worst movie”

    like… has he seen anything before Paths of Glory? Killer’s Kiss and Fear and Desire downright sucked, and The Killing was great but Eyes Wide Shut easily tops it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It is now Richmas in my bit of round world. Happy Richmas! XOXO

  • bassbait

    it’s Richmas Eve for me. Marry Rich-mass!!!

    <3

  • Marvin Falz

    God no, formulaic movies are not what I search. For example, the new Tarantino; judging from its teaser trailer Hateful 8 is well-written, well-cut and well-acted movie with a comprehensible story. But it also looks like a Tarantino movie and Sam Jackson is also in it – again – and he talks like Ordell Robbie from Jackie Brown.

    Hateful 8 seems like a technical good movie and it also seems formulaic. Bit of a turnoff.

    A positive example: I like La vie en rose, technical good and not formulaic.

  • Marvin Falz

    Aaah, I love Team Rainbow.

  • Marvin Falz

    Happy Richmas!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Gay Marriage is still illegal in my country… and I’m not really gay…. for a given value.

  • bassbait

    Nukie is a movie to watch if you want to scratch your head every 20 seconds. And for better or worse, that’s more compelling than when I know what’s going on.

    All that matters is that I *care* what’s going on, and Nukie has enough nonsense to keep me watching through the whole film. So I say it’s worth a watch, if that’s your thing.

  • Domo

    Just remember. Baby Jesus is an asshole. Don’t ever lose sight of the holiday spirit.

  • bassbait

    Rich’s beauty transcends laws and orientation.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yeah… but thats my point I need to be wanted… I dont see Rich wanting me.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m holding the Rum tight!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Just because I going to bed and need something to read in the morning.
    Regional Richmas Things.
    In Australia if you dont have sea food at your Richmas dinner you are a povo(Poor.)
    And PRAWNS! I HATE PRAWNS.

    http://www.sbs.com.au/comedy/sites/sbs.com.au.comedy/files/styles/body_image/public/01bad_prawns_0.gif?itok=CxpVmWUf&mtime=1419909080

    What are yours?

  • Marvin Falz

    For me to care, the theme and the plot have to be interesting. Nukie doesn’t fit either categories, but it is very prominent in the RLM circles, so I find myself asking if I should watch it, just for the heck of it, like Double Down.

  • Marvin Falz
  • bassbait

    Double Down is the most amazingly bizarre movie experience this side of Things. Nukie is a third place. For me to care, it just has to be different. Nukie, for better or worse, is different.

    The plot to Nukie is weird because it keeps starting to feel like it’s going to turn into a movie, and then it never does. When you think the movie is finally going to pick up, it just falls flat on its face. It’s like watching a small child trying to run with his shoes untied. It’s hilarious!

  • Carp is a must. Preferably one you tortured and killed yourself (I’m not kidding). I hate carp.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I suppose it matters how you contextualize it. EWS came when Kubrick has already mastered his craft whereas his debut films had no expectations attached to them. I’d rate EWS as his worst too but I haven’t seen killer’s kiss and fear and desire.

  • bassbait

    I can’t stand seafood. It smells and tastes horrible.

    But that’s ok, I’m not even having Richmas dinner! Haha! *sobs*

  • bassbait

    Fear and Desire is bad enough that elements of it are “BOTW” material, though in general it’s still too good for BOTW. Killer’s Kiss is just boring as fuck.

    I’d probably rate Spartacus as his worst if I had seen it, but that’s the only one I never got to. I think Eyes Wide Shut is great, and I think it was an interesting change of pace for him. I’d at least rate it higher than Paths of Glory or Lolita.

  • Marvin Falz

    If it’s any consolation to you, I don’t even celebrate Christmas, because I don’t care for Christmas celebration. It’s a choice.

  • bassbait

    I don’t like Christmas. But I like an excuse to have other people make home-made meals for me. Though once I became vegetarian, these holiday meals became vastly more complicated.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You need to try Barramundi. Its like Rich Evans himself ejaculated a fish.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I haven’t rewatched some of these movies in years so I’d probably woudn’t think of EWS as his worst now. There are definitely some arresting scenes in there. Lolita was alright I guess and The Killing didn’t do much for me either. Paths of Glory however is a classic with a capital c.

  • Marvin Falz

    I don’t like Christmas much anymore, when I realised that its commercial aspects are more important and that people can go nuts when they feel not loved if the presents aren’t pleasing. Fuck that, that’s not what Christmas is about.

    [insert a ‘I don’t like Christmas, it’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere’ joke here]

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    It is a crime in my country to return carp to the water… how they die is not the government’s problem….
    #Fish Nazi’s

  • bassbait

    everything from Paths of Glory on is great. But Lolita is mostly kinda “adaptation”, it doesn’t have Kubrick’s voice like later films, at least not as significantly as later films. The Killing I think is really fun because it’s fun watching criminals set up an elaborate heist plan and then enact it, and then watch it all unravel. It’s the 50’s element that really makes me love it though, the fact that it’s such a simple plan from a simple time, none of this “dodging lasers to grab a diamond while tied to a bungee cord” bullshit. Just simple “set up a distraction, enter a room, threaten some guys with guns, get the fuck out of there”.

    And the ending is great.

    EWS I only saw once, but I have a feeling that repeat viewings will cause me to like it more as time goes on. This is a rare example of a film that is both Kubrick *and* has an actress who I’m attracted to. It’s like a perfect storm!

  • Marvin Falz

    “I will never again eat a fishy.” – Darth Vader to Lando Calrissian in Cloud City’s carbon chamber.

  • bassbait

    inserting Christmas into the “I don’t like sand” line is very fitting. Because it really does get everywhere.

    I’m a huge scrooge. I don’t like the Christmas spirit. I don’t like Christmas songs. I don’t like Christmas traditions or festivities. I don’t like the feeling of Christmas. I don’t like anything about it. I can’t even get behind ironic appreciation, like Festivus. The only Christmas things I enjoy are things that seem to dislike Christmas as much as me (Beavis and Butthead for example).

    I’m this way with most holidays. I might be the least fun person in the world, but I’d like a world where holidays don’t exist. Where every day is just a day.

  • Lt Hurwitz

    He just couldn’t handle how dense every scene is.

  • bassbait

    he couldn’t handle how dense he was. That’s why he lost so much weight.

  • Marvin Falz

    “I will never again eat a fishstick.” – Darth Flounder to Lando Calfishian in Trout City’s carbon chamber.

  • bassbait

    good news everyone!

    Marlon Wayans is doing a spoof of 50 Shades of Grey!

    And it comes out… in JANUARY!

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Tonight, you will be visited by three spirirts. I’m just gonna warn you in advance, the second one is kinda overweight and farts a lot.

  • Federico

    I’m very very dissapointed in you guys. Where is the Double Down poster that you should have on the wall? Shame on you

  • Federico

    BTW I loooove the show, even more when you do a Wheel of the Worst episode. Keep it up!

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Ooh, bub. Dem’s fighting words.

  • bassbait

    are they going to tell me about how Man of Steel sucked for 40 minutes?

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Merry Richmas, mags, and a Happy New Aids-Moby to boot (?).

    I’m just sour because we can’t all spend Stream-a-thon together like last year.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    I think this can be applied to any popular entertainment reviewing, including music reviews, buddy, since the internet took over from the published (ie: magazine or newspaper) page.

    1. The internet has allowed every twenty year-old nitwit to be a movie reviewer. There are so many, why, if you’re alone in your room then you’re sitting right beside one of them. That yields nothing more than a general diminishing of critical opinion across the board. Um, just because it’s ubiquitous doesn’t mean it’s better. Now, every 20 year-old has, and should be encouraged to have, an opinion on the things they like. But, most 20 year-olds haven’t been exposed to enough stuff yet to make sweeping value-based generalizations.

    2. Without a healthy market for serious writers, they’ve had to use the new-tech format to continue their careers. Much of that, by nature, is click-based. You’re not gonna get a lot of clicks if you threaten the general consensus on Pixar, so the motivation to be critical has been removed.

    C. Also, more than that, when the movies are all product, then “reviews” become all advertisement. Ads don’t explain the negatives.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Um, Star Wars is NOT an adventure serial. Star Wars is a movie franchise designed to look like an adventure serial as an homage. Adventure serials do not skip thirty years between episodes. Adventure serials are inter-dependent from one chapter to the other. There would be no possibility of dismissing one third of an adventure serial. Also, adventure serials are not, have never been, held to the same standards as large-scale movies.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Now, now. That was my favorite single shot in the whold darned thing.

    If I may be so bold, you are dismissing a lot of what is implied. I’m not saying you’re incorrect, nor am I saying that it is exactly enough, for me, either, that it is all simply implied. The movie is just too-ADHD-led for the characters to have real moments of thoughtful retrospection. This is not French “New Wave” cinema, after all.

    Similarly, Domo may be applying a lot from her own values. That’s perfectly acceptable, and it makes the film experience richer for her, even if some of those things don’t play out the same way for everybody. I’ll see things neither of you see in a Batman movie.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Especially Star Wars, though. The whole “Force” thing is about a sentimental perspective of good and evil.

  • Hank_Henshaw
  • tOmy`

    Happy merry, sexy.

  • Hehe, nice.

  • Happy sexmas, merry!

  • Palpatine

    Merry Christmas.

  • Rich just needs a little convincing, that’s all.

  • Strong_Bow
  • Earth

    Kermode’s an overrated twerp.

  • Usually I’m not crying this easily. Merry Richmas everybody!

  • Earth

    Just glad to be working.

  • bassbait

    isn’t “twerp” just a synonym for “film critic”?

  • Oh, well, time for me lay in the cold outside of the railway station. I hope Santa will sprinkle some crack on me this year.

  • Marvin Falz

    That would be a White Christmas after all.

  • Earth

    No idea what he’s on about.

    Eyes Wide Shut is a damn good Christmas movie.

  • Earth

    Rich bless us, everyone.

  • bassbait

    most people who talk about Kubrick’s whole career haven’t seen his really early shit. They always think his low point was Eyes Wide Shut. Compared to some of his early days that shit’s a masterpiece. It’s a great movie even compared to his best films.

  • It’s a Richmas miracle!

  • Earth

    It’s up there with his best for me.

    Note that you’re talking to a guy who casually watches Pasolini films. I’m into symbolic, visually weird bullshit (filled with nudity).

  • Earth

    The Richmas miracle would be if Space Cop came out tomorrow.

  • Palpatine

    I can totally see Rich as Tiny Tim.

  • bassbait

    same. Symbolic and visually striking movies are my top thing. I don’t even bother watching movies half the time if they don’t have great visuals. I tend to like surreal stuff most, especially with practical effects.

  • Palpatine

    Fuck You, It’s January is right around the corner. What movies do we have to “look forward” to?

  • Marvin Falz

    And Rich personally delivered the copies.

  • Earth

    Drunk Mike is Scrooge, Jay is Bob Cratchitt and Jack, Josh and Jessi are the Ghosts.

  • Yes! This! Here, have some free heroine! Merry Richmas!

  • Marvin Falz

    Hateful 8.

  • That’d be the best escort service ever!

  • Earth

    Oscar Bait.

  • Earth

    The best part of waking up is acid in your cup……….

  • Marvin Falz

    Another Star Wars, I believe.

  • bassbait

    50 Shades of Black, starring Marlon Wayans.

  • Palpatine

    I thought Palpy would be the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?

  • Palpatine

    Yay!

  • Palpatine

    What’s this one about?

  • bassbait

    an even bigger death star.

  • Earth

    Palpy is Marley.

    EDIT: and Jessi is the Ghost of Christmas Past

    Oh………

  • Marvin Falz

    what bass said. it’s the cinematic version of male penis envy.

  • Earth

    A Death Star THE SIZE OF THE UNIVERSE!

  • Marvin Falz

    the rebels have to destroy it from the inside. good thing is after its destruction the Star Wars saga is finally finished.

  • bassbait

    no, in episode 9 they need to destroy the Star Wars, by infiltrating George Lucas’s house and blowing it up.

  • Earth

    Au contraire, the next Death Star will be the size of the MULTIVERSE!

  • Earth

    George Lucas already did that.

  • bassbait

    but… but… it’s like poetry.

  • Marvin Falz

    and then they realize that the Star Wars grows in Disney’s house.

  • Palpatine

    I thought it would be the Special Edition re-release of the film, supervised by George Lucas.

  • Marvin Falz

    this death star is so big, neither the rebels nor the imperials can find it. it’s like in front of their eyes and invisible.

  • Marvin Falz

    everybody needs the prequelized version of TFA. even small children in Cambodia.

  • Palpatine

    Han should pull out his blaster and shoot at Kylo Ren before he gets stabbed. This will make Kylo look less a cold blooded killer, and will make him look sympathetic later on. And there needs to be a CGI song and dance number in Maz Kanata’s bar.

  • Marvin Falz

    Definitely. Whatever it takes to make it less sensical and the characters softer and what gets the focus on effects and stuff happening in the background is good.

  • Palpatine

    And a CGI dinosaur needs to walk in front of the screen at some point.

  • Prince Solomon

    and BB-8 needs at one point to be hidden behind so many rocks that it could’ve impossibly gotten in there by itself.

  • Marvin Falz

    And it needs to shoot lasers.

  • Prince Solomon

    and that bigger death star will be so big that it has it’s own deathstar moon orbiting around it

  • Prince Solomon

    come on don’t make yourself look ridiculous… that’s still too small

  • Prince Solomon

    so kinda like the movie fanboys, but instead of cancer… the guy at the end has a nuke?

  • Prince Solomon

    what an underrated masterpiece!!! i have this played in a loop since this morning and for the next two days on our living room tv… my children started to act strangely… but i think that’s a good sign!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Say what you want, but for someone that doesn’t drink, Rich Evans does a perfect angry drunk. Well, this verdict comes from someone that doesn’t drink either, so I don’t know what I’m talking about.

  • bassbait

    I can’t believe I never bothered to watch this before. It just about perfectly summarizes how I feel about Christmas.

  • bassbait

    Don’t forget everybody’s favorite Christmas thing!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxVQAj3SdF0

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Only RLM could turn ‘What?’ into a catchphrase.

  • Prince Solomon

    i would call that a purrrrfect christmas video… you get it? i did something there. you see it?

    i always thought that this was everybody’s favorite Christmas thing:

    https://dr56wvhu2c8zo.cloudfront.net/redlettermediaarchivecollectionvol1/assets/images/video-1423431302-240×135.jpg

  • James Earl Jones

    What?

  • James Earl Jones

    Merry X-mas everyone. Or Hannukah, Yule or whatever else. Happy holidays.

  • Prince Solomon

    well christmas is almost over… time to think about finding a new excuse for getting horribly drunk like these two hacks

    http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/875/075/a72.gif

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s for for new year’s eve! Dammit.

  • Marvin Falz

    Oh my.

  • Prince Solomon
  • Prince Solomon
  • bassbait

    it’s 10 AM on Christmas eve. Are you on the other side of the planet?

  • What about Kwanza, you racist? Oh, wait, you’re black.

  • Prince Solomon

    i’m on the other side of the huge pile of empty beer bottles…and i’m looking like this:

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/053/890/c2d.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!
    -Jay Bauman, 2013

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Forest, a shitty horror movie I heard about through listening to Pandora!

  • bassbait

    my christmas is going to be watching a couple movies with my brother while his dog takes a poop on my floor. You know, family time!

  • Prince Solomon

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/872/244/01b.gif

    “Rich we have to watch it!”
    – Michael Stoklossa, 2013

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Is Life Day a little too close to Kwanza?

  • Prince Solomon

    i call that family time well spent, sir! sounds amazing!

    http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/899/716/6ee.jpg

    are you going to watch Dogsitter? or the sequel – Giraffesitter?

  • bassbait

    I’m going to watch Dog-shitter.

  • Prince Solomon
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Let’s not forget The Boy starring that hot chick from The Walking Dead! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1U21VBSbSs

  • Prince Solomon
  • Wizard Phoenix

    I will pray to Rich so that I use his power to find my love and so she may find me.

  • bassbait

    I actually had a friend who owned Dog Sitter, and had it years before BOTW. Cat Sitter as well.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Too soon.

  • Prince Solomon

    and i will pray to Rich so that you use his power so that you will find your love before he does…if you know what i mean…

    http://i.imgur.com/pOoOUHo.gif

    you better work on your romantic skills…because Rich has some skills no woman can resist

    https://media.giphy.com/media/IQ8ijt3XQzA9W/giphy.gif

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Coming this January:
    Ride Along 2, a sequel you never wanted!
    The Boy starring that hot chick from The Walking Dead
    The Forest starring Natalie Dormer
    Norm of The North, an animated “film” starring Rob Schneider!
    Dirty Grandpa, because paychecks!
    Michael Bay directing another real life story of brave soldiers that he will clearly fuck up!
    The 5th Way, my Star Wars audience was laughing at the trailer.
    Fifty Shades of Black with Marlon Wayans….I can’t wait!

  • Prince Solomon

    If you have been responsible for convincing your friend to send those two tapes to RLM all that time ago you deserve a fucking gold medal buddy!!!!!!

  • bassbait

    no. We watched BOTW together and it was that one and she said “oh god I have those tapes!”

  • bassbait

    the ad for The 5th Wave, and the ad for the new Independence Day both showed up back to back in the theater, and I couldn’t tell the difference between the two films.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It didn’t star that hot chick from The Walking Dead, that’s the problem.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You will be mine, Daisy!

  • Prince Solomon

    and there i was thinking that last January was bad for movie theatre friends and couldn’t get any worse…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Neil Breen’s latest film

    https://vimeo.com/149715578

  • Prince Solomon

    Hopefully i don’t need to remind anyone to watch this christmas classic today and to share it with your whole family:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8yN3q2yI0E

    also don’t forget it’s secret spin-off

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xq5o2x_sergio_fun

  • RLMkeepitup

    breen screeen

  • Prince Solomon

    whoaaaa deep thought-provoking shit there….mind blown… but i thought in “Fateful Findings” he already made every corrupt businessmen & politician commit suicide…

    also…how the hell did he get ILM to create those amazing special effects! I fear he is the one director to even surpass Len Kabasinky!

  • Prince Solomon

    this is now an official term! Oxford University Press, update your lazy dictionary.

  • The special effects are AMAZING.

  • OMNI

    Like I haven’t been on the planet for almost 50 years…

  • Palpatine

    Watching that second one made me glad RLM found their calling with movie reviews.

  • OMNI

    Better watch Cop-Dog then. Followed by the plinked review.

  • bassbait

    after doing animated shorts… and then webseries…

  • OMNI

    Every time I hear that name I want to play Half Life 2

  • bassbait

    I thought that too until I saw Double Down, and then Neil Breen became the top “Breen” in my brein.

  • Palpatine

    Who’s that kid Dillion as seen in your other videos?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Care Boars was so shitty it made Mike work on shitty yoga videos.

  • Yeah, those were laughably bad.

    Get it?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Some shit head I found and made a lot of YTP’s out of.

  • Palpatine

    It makes The Christmas Tree look like Home Alone! But it’s still better than 8 Crazy Nights with Adam Sandler.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Isn’t that the one when the reindeer eat shit?

  • Palpatine

    Yes.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    Thanky ou sir! The 2nd amendment is even more important than the first! Cuz I like to shoot my mouth off.
    Also, if you’re looking for some good butter, I just milked my cat. Expect it in your stocking.

  • RedLetterMediumsDotCorn

    This is the best thing I’ve ever seen! And I’ve seen some things!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That sounds fake.

  • RLMkeepitup

    syfy knows whats up: ice quake, snowpacalypse, christmas icetastrophe, yeti, ice spiders…

  • Palpatine

    I really wish Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2 was featured in this episode.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I don’t think he’s allowed to release his movies in any other month.

    I’m pretty sure it’s a law.

  • Joe Syxpac

    That cranberry jelly stuff that comes in a can and is served can shaped and sliced.

    WTF is up with that stuff?

    Also creamed herring is a big Christmas thing in my family.

  • zzzz

    you do know they both leaked online in HD right?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Too soon.

  • Prince Solomon

    hey it seems to be “much darker” compared to Double Down & Fateful Findings, this automatically makes it a better film right? right?. I’m looking forward to that scene where Neil Breen’s alter ego kills some poor child soldiers in a temple.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It could be the funniest movie ever.

  • Palpatine

    Have you seen it?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yes. I’ve seen it like three times.

  • Palpatine

    Good, so have I. The most people have seen of that movie is the “Garbage day!” clip.

  • bassbait

    I only saw the Cinema Snob review of it whenever he did that.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The funniest part of the movie isn’t even that. It’s that horrible actor. He’s like Reb Brown when all he knows in terms of acting is screaming and looking angry.

  • Palpatine

    Master Breen, there’s too many of them, what are we going to do?

  • Prince Solomon

    I’m sure it will have the title: REVENGE OF THE BREEN

    http://imgur.com/ozkY5Zz

    in the end he will fight his old mentor on the slopes of Mount Etna

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Prince Solomon
  • Jason Ross

    Merry CHRISTmad everyone

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Prince Solomon

    if this won’t be the ending scene of the new trilogy than fuck the Star Wars sequels!!!!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The Luke Skywalker Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good

  • Jason Ross

    I’m pretty sure Leah Thompson and Howard the Duck feature prominently on Rule 34 the webzone

  • Wizard Phoenix

    What if Episode VIII is delayed to December? What will James Cameron do?

  • Prince Solomon
  • Hank_Henshaw

    would Howard have human-like or duck-like reproductive organ? Depending on the answer, it’d be really disturbing or REALLY, really disturbing.

  • Like Icare

    I fear you’re reading WAY too much into what Kanata said.
    The line is “WHOMEVER you’re waiting for on Jakku, they’re never coming back.”

    Then she goes into bullshit on Luke, the Force, the Light and trying to talk her into taking the lightsaber – just so she could reject it.
    Cause that’s what “The Hero with a Thousand Faces” says SHOULD happen at that point.

    They are trying to cook the story following a recipe – where story is a living thing, growing on its own in writing as in the telling.

    So where the story might have grown to be a chicken, whose color of feathers or if it will be a girl or a boy chicken can’t be told until that point in its life – they are boiling the egg while counting microseconds and measuring temperatures to get it “just right”.

    As for “Why does it need more?”…
    Well… one CAN get a decent amount of entertainment even staring at an empty wall. Who needs more, right?
    Or them second-hands on a clock. Boyoboy! Adventure, excitement, not for those with a weak heart.
    Or… Phantom Menace. When Anakin goes “I’m gonna be a Darth Vader and I’ll free EVERYONE!” I just… the emotions… I can’t…
    Why does it need much more indeed…

    Perhaps cause it is insulting and demeaning.
    Perhaps cause it’s a cheap attempt at creating emotional attachment because some spreadsheet somewhere said “we need 3.7% more emotion points with this demographic for this movie to make 79 million moneys more”.
    So instead of even decent writing (though the label on the box promises EPIC writing) we get cheap, advertisement-like shots that should cattle-prod our emotions to like what is essentially an empty cardboard box.
    Perhaps cause it is a symptom of bad writing and lousy directing.
    Even shitty camera work and poor editing.

    That shot could have had life to it, we could have at least seen Rey as exhausted and tired, falling asleep over a common trough, POV shot of her hands (that would look like the hands of someone who actually does do physical labor and not like the hands of a model).
    Then another pair of hands enters the shot, mirroring her’s, only these hands are old, wrinkly, arthritic, covered with scars… camera panning up to see a face of an old woman…

    And then instead of a structurally RETARDED shot of Rey staring into the old woman, put in a wide shot of dozens of women and kids at that same through – showing THE life at that place.
    This is where you go on Jakku boys and girls. This is the life they live.

    You clean junk all day as a kid, you scavenge and clean junk when you get old enough to do it by yourself, you clean junk all day when you grow old…
    Not ONE GIRL’S possible destiny – this is what life IS. Aaaand… CUT!

    What we got instead is that retarded stare… and cause that goes NOWHERE, Rey is interrupted by a “boss” dwarf prodding her to stop lazying about.
    Wait… is this like a… company? I thought they were freelance scavengers.
    Surely there’s no sign like “Waatoo’s Salvage and Processing Inc.” anywhere.

    What is the point of someone else rushing her to get that apple-polishing job done faster? Is he her boss, landlord, mom, owner… what?
    Isn’t she investing labor and time to increase payout for herself?
    She sure as fuck isn’t paid an hourly OR per-unit wage – she’s paid according to quality and quantity of her finds.
    WHICH IS WHY SHE’S RUBBING THAT THING WITH THE THING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
    To get MORE out of it by investing labor. She’s a capitalist, Jonesy.

    It doesn’t have to be Citizen Kane.
    But unless those making set out to make their own Citizen Kane… or they do and are not capable… or they do and they forgo on it because this will make more money… well…
    Then they deserve the criticism and being called out on crap they made and on the shit they are pushing to the people tellin them it’s chocolate.

    And I thought we all gravitate to this webzone cause we actually want something more. Something closer to Citizen Kane than to Episode 1.
    Or at least being given a clearer label for things.

    And if in the process we pick up tell-tale signs of what is what and which is which… even better.

    And I don’t want to be anyone’s Plinkett.

    But it would be dishonest of me to just shrug it off when the equivalent of “I hate sand” is presented as anything BUT the equivalent of “I hate sand”.
    Cause that’s what that is. Bad writer’s attempt at shoehorning an emotional connection.
    Though at the very least Jar Jar DID try to show instead of tell there.
    Not that the result or motivation behind it is any better or exculpated by that.

    Personally… it annoys me cause I literally went “Oh for fucks sake, they can’t be THAT condescending and cheap. Who’s gonna buy that crap? This level of pandering is insulting to the audience.” when I saw that scene.
    Not in so many words though. More something like “Pffrft.”

    And then I see someone who is a regular here, who should know shit from shinola, being how pointing out that subtle difference is the main source of entertainment here – going “That was great. Great.”

    So… I get pushed to point out how that actually IS shit.

    And not just ANY shit in that movie but one of the WORST cases of shitting in audience’s faces and calling it chocolate.

    NOT cause I have pretensions on Plinkett’s chair (I don’t), cause I’m oh so smart and you’re not (as that is not true), but cause I see it for what it is – a cheap attempt at selling you empty emotional connection so you’d buy the product.
    A sad doggy on a poster asking help to “Please help us selling you low quality crap. Or the doggy will be sad.”

    And cause I know easy it is to buy into shit like that on inertia or marketing – and how it has nothing to do with one’s knowledge or intelligence.

    We get sold shit all the time. Long is the list of exploits built into human mind, no matter the education or natural smarts.
    Things we DO see – but our brain doesn’t.

  • Prince Solomon

    i’m sure he will take the Last Train to Hiroshima and won’t look back

  • Hank_Henshaw

    The second one, that I had never seen….
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhe3vSe-mmw

  • Wizard Phoenix

    So he’ll make Avatar 2 a Fuck You It’s January movie?

  • Palpatine

    Lea Thompson is a very attractive woman.

  • Prince Solomon

    yes and i’m sure this overrated sequel of the overrated prequel will be soooo immensley successful that the UNO will rename January to Avatar 2, so it will be “Fuck You It’s Avatar 2” from then on.

  • Prince Solomon

    only if you travel to the year 1955

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Like Icare

    There’s a HUGE difference between implied and “shoved in there”.
    This entire movie is a collection of elements that were shoved in there cause the recipe demanded it.
    That’s why it feels “too-ADHD-led” to you.

    It’s a collection of shoehorned crap designed by a committee to sell a product. An illusion of emotional or any kind of honesty in storytelling.

    Domo, sadly, IS applying things only she saw or heard.
    Things that weren’t there. Line she quotes is NOT in the movie.
    And that’s… that’s a bit evil.

    Cause in the essence… that’s tricking people into delusion with shiny things and loud noises and people and kids wearing and waving plastic things.

    AND they charge you money for it.
    WHAT A VALUE!

    And it’s not about “seeing things no one else can see”.
    It’s about articulating what one saw and felt, honestly and to the best extent of one’s abilities – and then presenting that to the world.
    Expressing immaterial and by their nature incoherent (cause we’re not robots) thoughts and feelings into clear and concise words.
    Cause that’s what we do when we talk. When we communicate.

    Not “I like thwordth” but “I like thwordth becauth…”

    And then having a better thought out argument than “…becauth they’re cool…”
    AND THEN being prepared to face counter-arguments and ultimately… being prepared to be wrong if it turns out that your arguments are not the truth.

    Cause just maybe… Maybe I saw what no one else saw… cause it was not there. Maybe I fell asleep during the movie.
    I know I almost did. I was tired and sleep deprived and it was a long trip and we just had lunch and I did just drink that bottle of cider…
    Except it is all still there… in all it’s internet-available CAM glory.
    Oh… OH…

  • Thomas Mikkelsen

    Happy Richmas and glædelig jul from Denmark! Just got a present aaaaall the way from a Mr. Michael Stoklasa, Wisconsin. Cheers you merry fuck!
    http://postimg.org/image/3p3owl229/

  • bassbait

    remember when everyone hated Rich Evans because he was “fake plinkett”

    That feels like so long ago.

    Merry Richmas everyone!!!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Those were some dark times.

  • bassbait

    I remember half in the bag scared everyone. I think some people thought it meant that there wouldn’t be any more plinkett reviews, because they’d just focus on HITB all the time.

    In retrospect, they might have been right…

  • Hank_Henshaw

    HitB didn’t kill Plinkett, fucking The Force Awakens did. Plinkett has no purpose anymore. If anyone says “he still hasn’t reviewed the Matrix sequels”, you wont be getting no pizza roll.

  • bassbait

    How did TFA kill Plinkett? Because Mike liked it? I mean, he liked Titanic also, and he made a Plinkett on that one. I’m sure he’ll do one again, because they advertise it as such on their patreon –

    “We have a rotating roster of shows on our website that includes Half in
    the Bag (current movie releases), Best of the Worst (horrible movies and
    obscure VHS tapes), Quick Cuts (simple, to-the-point movie talk), and
    the occasional feature-length Plinkett review. We’re always looking to
    try new things and have recently tried video game discussions with
    Previously Recorded.”

    Regardless of whether or not they need to update this, this was still posted after the latest Plinkett review was put out, meaning that as of the formation of the Patreon, they still seem to be intending on doing “occasional Plinkett reviews”

    Even if TFA is good, he can still do a plinkett review. But he was probably never intending to do one until the dust has settled.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Plinkett died a happy 120 year-old man, this past weekend, in some filthy theater in New Jersey.

    But death has never stopped him before. If Star Trek Beyond sucks, he might rise (again) from his grave, to review it.

  • Prince Solomon

    i can proudly say that i never hated him. but watching older HitB i find myself really missing him during some of the review discussions… at least we have the “Rich Evans pervert cam” from earlier HitB exploits 😉

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You go, foreign man! That’s a compliment by the way.

  • bassbait

    idk I think there’s more than Star Trek and Star Wars out there in the world for Mike to give the Plinkett treatment.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Quigley?

  • bassbait

    if only Mike was as cynical as me. Then we might get a Dark Knight review!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Anyone ever heard of the Night B4 Christmas?

  • Palpatine

    I don’t hate him as Plinkett, I just don’t care for him as Plinkett. Mike will always be Plinkett to me.

  • Prince Solomon

    The best thing to come out of HitB is BEST OF THE WORST, because of this i will forgive any HitB in which i don’t agree with our beloved hacks.

    And Plinkett reviews are best when Mike is personally involved. He really hated the Star Trek TNG movies & the SW prequels that’s why we enjoyed his reviews so much. Others constantly ask for the Matrix sequels… Mike doesn’t like them, as he stated, but maybe he has no other emotional involvement in those movies so the half-hearted Plinkett review wouldn’t be that good, that’s what i think. I rather have no new Plinkett review instead of a bad one.

    Just remember how much he hated Baby’s Day Out, simply amazing! (and i even love that movie!)

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s the one with Martin Lawrence?

  • genetunneygent

    You’v e *never* seen The Magnificent Seven! My dear fellow, you must.

    Bronson is *brilliant* in it. And he still only gives about the sixth best performance in the movie (1. Yul Brynner, 2. Eli Wallach 3= Steve MacQueen/Robert Vaughan 5/. James ‘You Lost’ Coburn 6. Bronson).

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Star Trek Into Darkness was god-awful. Mike recommended it. Yeah Plinkett is dead.

  • Palpatine

    No. How bad is it?

  • Prince Solomon

    Nope, is it a gangsta version of “The Secret World of Santa Claus” ?

  • Palpatine

    How did it kill him?

  • bassbait

    idk, I mean he recommended it to people who aren’t like him but he clearly didn’t think it was any good. When he recommends stuff on HITB it’s usually based off of what a general audience would think, not how he felt about the movie. He’ll shit all over a movie and then recommend it, and he’ll do the inverse too.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    it did get a (very short) Plinkett treatment.

  • In The Court Of The Evans King

    Exactly. He often says “if you’re looking for…”, or “if you like that kind of movie…”.

  • Prince Solomon

    it’s time for Nadine to finally kill Plinkett and take his place. With Nadine i of course mean Susan, and with Susan i of course mean Jay Bau-Nein

  • bassbait

    I love Rich as Plinkett! He’s got some of my favorite HITB moments. I miss the HITB days when Plinkett would be a large part of the endings and openings of episodes.

  • Thomas Mikkelsen

    Best compliment i’ve ever gotten. I do, in fact, go.

  • Prince Solomon

    Lucky bastard! Meanwhile i enjoy christmas with the space cop poster hanging over my bed on the spot where i used to have a photo of my family.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    See for yourself but the answer is yes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2-xZg0CtX0

  • Wizard Phoenix

    An elf who wants to be a rapper runs away from the North Pole after being fired for all the rights reasons, ends up in Portland OR where I live, meets up with a humanoid dog rapper, moves to LA, signs on with an evil record company, and saves Christmas by curing a plague or something..

  • bassbait

    is HITB a metaphor? Mike keeps getting away from Plinkett, but Plinkett gives money so he *needs* Plinkett, and just when you think he’s finally gotten away, he finds himself crawling back to Plinkett.

    It’s so dense!

  • Prince Solomon
  • bassbait

    and they tried making money off of Rich and Jack, but it didn’t work out!!!

    This metaphor runs deep!

  • Prince Solomon

    BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENTS EVER!!!!!

    http://40.media.tumblr.com/dd4f7bfd07ee44084ae76b05f9bb8e44/tumblr_nzrnifxYhC1rjgvl7o1_1280.jpg

    too bad i havn’t got any. Fuck you Santa Rick Claus Berman!

  • Rich and Jack get at least a hundred bucks of camho tips each Pre-Rec. I wish I could get as much cash for playing games. My point being – you’re right. It didn’t work out.

  • Prince Solomon

    i now know why i’ve never heard of it^^ respect for sitting through it

  • bassbait

    is Portland decent?

  • RLMkeepitup

    yes they seem to be doing well. overall it seems plinkett attracted much fan service to RLM and more new people will continue to find those reviews over time

  • Prince Solomon

    it’s like poetry…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    They depict the outside of Portland being just mountains and trees. However since the metropolitan area of Portland is around 2.2 million people that’s incorrect because he would be in any of the smaller cities. Where’s Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein when you need them?

  • bassbait

    I’ve been told I should move to Portland, but I’m probably gonna move somewhere closer to Seattle. Portland seems cool though.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    We have humanoid dog people. Seattle has Fraiser Crane. You choose.

  • bassbait

    Vegas has Neil Breen. That’s where I’m at.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    San Francisco has Tommy Wiseau.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Once the wowness of TFA calms down I’d like to see a plinkett review but he needs time to let it fester in his brain. Those reviews are for stuff that deeply disturbs the nerd inside him.

  • Prince Solomon

    indeed, also he has to wait until the vhs of TFA comes out, by that time his self-destructing alcoholism will make him ready for another fantastic SW Plinkett review!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    They made a decent Star Wars movie again. That was his mission on this planet.

  • Prince Solomon

    Milwaukee has Sung Hi Lee.

  • Marvin Falz

    They get subscription money plus tips albeit having a reputation as being amateurish. Lot of fans like listening to them talking about stuff. The Pre-Rec stream is like a podcast for them.

  • Palpatine

    Am I the only one who prefers when BotW spotlights more obscure bad movies over less obscure ones?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    that outtake where he yells “WHAAAT?!!! Oh, Baby Jesus forgive me!!” gets me every time.

  • Marvin Falz

    That outtake gets me every time too. “I forgot the nails. But the Romans didn’t. …”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Yes. God forbid they touch upon a popular bad movie MST3K already did and those fanboi morrons will return to spam the comments.

    “how dare they not give a shout out to MST3k!”

    “you can’t touch this movie-MST3K did it first”

    “guys you haven’t seen MST3K? Unsubsricbed,unfollowed,reported to the FBI”

  • Prince Solomon

    definitely, i prefer them talking about Low Blow or Blood Debts rather than everything Chuck Norris did

  • pete smith

    I agree. I like the wheel thing the most with “non movies”. Guess they made kids out there a favour who haven’t seen death wish like 15 times yet.

  • Prince Solomon

    these morons are like those philipino rapists who come creeping out of the bushes to ambush this comment section

  • Marvin Falz

    I miss those days too.

  • Palpatine

    Jack hates the WotW.

  • bassbait

    that’s my favorite part of anything Plinkett I think, including the reviews.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Does that make WotW mainstream?

  • Prince Solomon

    because there his superpower of understanding the plot of a movie is practically useless. It’s like asking Superman to go help fighting crime on Krypton… (you know, before it was blown up)

  • Prince Solomon

    10 points for hipster bashing!

  • Marvin Falz

    Rich is good actor and he has charisma. He himself denies that in the “How Not to Make a Movie” documentary, but that’s just an act he puts on – or he is that humble. I mean, there is a reason that Rich is so beloved and it’s not because he’s bad actor without charisma.

  • Prince Solomon

    his best quote after “WHAAAT?”

  • Palpatine

    Yes.

  • Marvin Falz

    I also like Mike’s “Whaaat?” which seems like he’s copying Rich’s “Whaaat?” in Gorilla, Interrupted. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofSowNaihBk

  • bassbait

    how many times have they done “less obscure ones”?

    The Star Wars Holiday Special one was easily the best to me.

  • I can definitely see that as such, but I only find the episodes with Jay and Mike interesting.

  • Palpatine

    Movies from Cannon Films aren’t that obscure.

  • They need to talk about the Ewok movies.

  • bassbait

    outside of circles like this, there’s basically only The Room, Plan 9, Troll 2 and Birdemic at a distant fourth. I’d say cannon films are fairly obscure, considering that the best film on their roster is Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.

  • Snake Squeezer

    Think they’re gonna cover Hateful 8? Man, I gotta a lot I wanna say about Hateful 8.

  • Marvin Falz

    Same with me. The best streams I remember are the Rocket League streams. Josh, Jay, Rich, Jack play a very fun game. Karen and Rich are entertaining as well.

  • Prince Solomon

    on a completely unrelated note. Was it really Jack inside that gorilla?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rmn2gLkIRKk

  • dollar store cashier wife

    This is Mike&Jay we’re talking about. I think they’re gonna prioritize their “Fuck You It’s January” video instead.

  • Prince Solomon

    Mike’s “Whaaat?” is like JJ Abram’s soft-reboot of Rich’s original “Whaaat?”

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    Nope. They don’t really care. They’re all Marvel zombies.

  • Prince Solomon

    or they’ll quickly mention it in a 2015 re-cap or catch-up or whatever

  • The Ghost

    Just popping in to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all you hilarious, argumentative, lovable, fraudulent fucks.

    Now back to my tuna dinner.

  • bassbait

    they did their 2015 re-cap already. I doubt they’d do that again.

  • bassbait

    argumentative? What are you trying to say, huh?!?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Luke Skywalker is a gary stu like character, nobody panics. Rey is a mary sue like character, EVERYONE LOOSES THEIR MINDS!

  • Prince Solomon

    oh silly me of course they did. hmm Django Unchained got its own episode…so there is still hope

  • Prince Solomon

    i’m not at all ashamed to say that i’ve no idea who the hell Mary Sue or Gary Stu are

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wait really?

  • Prince Solomon

    i’ve just finished my trunkload of tuna. Happy Breenmas my friend!!!!

  • Palpatine

    I love it when they pretend to hate all the movies they’re going to review, but end up liking half of them.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    What about some feline meat instead?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4TvNTn8WFM

  • RLMkeepitup

    the title said 2015 (so far) though, so probably will be another

  • dollar store cashier wife

    True dat!

  • Palpatine

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  • bassbait

    true, but Idk why they’d have so many movies from November to January worth seeing. What, they already did TFA. Idk what else they could do.

  • Prince Solomon

    yeah, but i think i get your meaning.

    http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7373/9104790822_2f892fae8a_o.gif

    *unrelated gif of Mike, just for the lulz

  • Wizard Phoenix

    If you want to see a Mary Sue look up My Inner Life.

  • Thing One n’ Two Things

    No. No. No.

    We all — each of us — bring everything we are to every movie experience we have. We all interpret it differently. Yes, there are things that are intrinsic to the film itself. Sometimes, those things are intended. Sometimes not. Sometimes we “get” it. Sometimes we don’t.

    My opinion of this movie is probably closer to yours, but I realize there are things they are short-scripting to appeal to other people. That’s a thing they do now.

    I haven’t seen Domo “quote” anything. I’ve seen her apply her perspective and react to triggers that are there — you can’t deny they aren’t — and I think that’s perfectly fine.

    I’ll go farther…I think it’s GREAT if people can apply things to this movie in order to enjoy it more than I do. That’s what movies are for. I can watch a film like PHOENIX — which isn’t a particularly good movie either — and imply all kinds of things about a generation and how it made excuses for WWII-era behavior, or whatever.

    It’s not a thing that can be proven to be one thing or another.

  • Devil_Dinosaur

    Luke Skywalker isn’t a Gary Sue at all. He does almost nothing but fail. It’s possible you just don’t know what a Gary or Mary Sue is.

  • Prince Solomon

    ah thanks, 5 minutes of google enlightened me.

    i think RLM’s UNDEFEATABLE discussion highlights this topic aswell…

    Even if Rey would train slowly and develope her skills over time many men would still hate her because for some stupid reason they can’t imagine themselves being the (male) hero(ine) of TFA…which makes little sense to anyone with a decent brain.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m questioning whether or not you’ve seen Star Wars.

  • Like Icare

    There are rules. Plenty of them.
    Following some of them decides it it will be a competent movie.
    Whole another set of rules makes for a good story while another set decides if the movie will be a good movie or bad.

    This movie tried to follow a “make money” set of rules, first and foremost.
    Movies like Dredd or Fury Road followed a set of rules to make a good movie.
    Not much in the story department – but those are good movies.
    This one isn’t.

    As for serials… Star Wars is not a serial. It is a set of 3 trilogies. One still in the making.
    And the same way original movie can’t inject quality into Episode 1, this one can’t borrow quality from what may yet be.
    It doesn’t exist yet AND when something does get made – at best that will be a RETCON.
    You know… the same shit Lucas kept trying to do by “fixing” the original movies and making Han a more family friendly guy who waits for Greedo to try and shoot him in the head.

    And even serials need to know where they are going and stick to it – when they don’t, and they pretend to know where they are going, they become LOST.
    On the completely other side of the spectrum is a series like Babylon 5 – which knew EXACTLY where it was going to the point that it managed to be a concise story even with loss of characters and with being canceled too soon.

    Not understanding the difference between the storytelling in those two series seems to be why you fail to grasp what Max is arguing.
    In essence – you can’t bullshit the audience by promising something that isn’t there. Particularly if it won’t be there for a very long time.
    Like with a movie.
    Or maybe it will never be there due to the time and budget constraints.
    Like with a movie.
    Or if all points that you’re riding by the seat of your pants with nothing planned ahead.
    LIKE WITH THESE 3 MOVIES.

    Did you notice that they’ve changed writers and directors?
    This is a committee hack job. Advertisement for toys and any crap that can bear a Star Wars logo.
    NOT a trilogy planned out in advance.
    A pile of crap advertised heavily and played at high speed and volume so you don’t have time to see it is all just CRAP.

    TV show CAN keep the audience guessing and “holding the line” for a while due to the format that allows it to keep pushing new things at you continuously.
    Keeping you occupied until they think of a way how to write themselves out of that corner… unless it’s a Jar Jar, Orci, Lindelof or some of their ilk writing it cause their philosophy is that it is all ABOUT THE CORNERS.
    After all… most mystery boxes have at least 8 corners…

    And you are being ridiculous with that number 2.
    You won’t compare it to existing episodes of what you call “an adventure serial” but you WILL compare it to what doesn’t yet exist?

    Sorry… that’s not ridiculous.
    THAT’S RETARDED FANBOI TWADDLE!
    Sorry, but that’s what it is.

    As for the use of PTSD, actually meaning something else…
    And I get what you are trying to argue but it is pure bullshit.
    At no point does she present ANY lack of emotional growth.
    And I’ve argued elsewhere on this thread why that scene is crap as a representation of supposed “thug life” on Jakku.

    Force vision provides nothing but crap as well.

    It is other people’s memories (we see her through someone else’s eyes and events she was not present at), not her own.
    And it is a cheap cop-out, which is made AGAINST the internal logic of the story.
    It suddenly makes ordinary objects a storage medium for telepathic messages – which is something pulled out of Jar Jar’s ass.

    Objects now also “call” on people as if they are magical instruments forged in dragon blood and not a switch on a battery and some kind of a lightbulb.
    It’s crap for dumb kids and retards.

    Folks buying into whole “Ooooh… Myssssterrrry…” thing.

    As for what you said about Luke… Umm…

    Are you one of those people who think that Jar Jar is behind it all?

    Or one of those who think it’s all about Boba Fett?

    Luke is too much of a protagonist?
    It’s all about secondary characters who have no relationship in the first movie?
    Are you George Lucas, still writing in shit that wasn’t there in the original run?
    If so, please stop.

    Luke feels he “rigidly sticks to an exact formula of “protagonist”” BECAUSE HE IS THE GOD DAMN PROTAGONIST.

    Han and Leia are SUPPORTING CHARACTERS – particularly Leia.
    Luke has an arc. Farmboy to hero.
    Han has an arc. Smaller… but it’s there. Smuggler to smuggler with a heart of gold.
    Leia is a bitchy princess… is a bitchy princess… is a bitchy princess. Only difference is that she smiles a little at the end.
    And then the next movies starts with her bitching again.

    She doesn’t become changed by the events that have transpired – until the middle of the Empire.
    Which is what you are reading into the first movie – back when she’s still kissing her “brother” and he has hots for her – CAUSE ALL THAT SIBLINGS CRAP WAS NOT YET THOUGHT OUT.
    That’s a TWIST made up in the next movie.
    It does not exist yet in the movie you are describing.

    Your version of what’s important in the first movie is the equivalent of Poe-on-BenRen slash fiction.
    Stuff that isn’t really there, except in the mind of whoever is imagining all that steamy… interrogation.

    And I’m sorry… but that entire 4th paragraph sounds just like “I like thwordth…”
    “I like TFA and it’s great and I like Rey better than Luke.”

    Those are not arguments. Those are personal preferences.
    I’m not arguing against personal preference. Nor is Max Headroom.
    I’m arguing why that movie is objectively… inferior at best.
    It’s the same shit as prequels.
    Somewhere around the quality of Revenge of the Sith.

    Only with better editing, bigger budget and fewer shot-reverse shot scenes.
    And fewer couches. There’s only one couch this time. Which is plenty.

    http://i1.wp.com/bitcast-a-sm.bitgravity.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/forceawakens-dowutin-lady-cantina-700×293.jpg

  • Earth

    Which led to one of the funniest moments in WotW history.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Nope. It’s certainly does nothing but benefit them from being fair to each movie.

  • Prince Solomon

    maybe some of the bigger ones. that hunger games stuff or Spectre? or other movies they happened to watch on dvd/blu ray during that time, idk

  • Wizard Phoenix

    She’s basically Luke in drag. Luke is basically her in A New Hope. She’s near perfect in the first film but by the start of the second one she’s a human being.

  • Prince Solomon

    hmm dammit now i’m clueless and curious. which one do you mean?

  • Like Icare

    Gary Stu is a sexist label. Like calling a male nurse a moorse.
    Check your privilege.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You forgot the hashtag.

  • Prince Solomon

    yeah, seeing how unoriginal this new trilogy started out i wouldn’t be surprised if by the end of Ep8 she will be defeated (probably Ren) and by the end of Ep9 she will win the day (or at least defeat the Dark Side). They’ll just copy Luke… play it safe…

  • Earth

    WotW #5 The Reckoning.

  • Snake Squeezer

    The Revenant moves like a fever dream. Nothing seems to have a clear end or a clear beginning. Just movement. It’s devoid of the singposts and landmarks of mainstream tent-pole movies that indicate for you what type of thing will happen next and how important that thing will be. No, The Revenant all flows together like an effortless stream. No end, no beginning. Just movement. You could call it structureless. It feels influenced more from jazz than movies or fiction. And on top of that, its the kind of film you leave the theater with in your mind, and for days you keep flipping it around in your head, trying to really understand everything you’ve absorbed.

    And on top of that, it’s important to mention the camera. The first film to be released shot with the Alexa 65, a camera which uses a 65mm sensor, a lens big enough to qualify for “medium format” in the still photography world. The detail is shocking. For the first time I felt that video is truly on par with film. It’s still different from film, it interprets light differently, a bit too — proactively, maybe? But for the first time I felt that video had reached a level of capability that even in 2015, film still almost exclusively holds. I look for this camera to become the defacto hollywoodland camera starting immediately, and for the next 2 years. And on top of that, the cinematography here needs to be mentioned. Shot with an almost fish-eye lens, usually over the shoulder, with a lot of long takes, the camerawork almost gives us the impression that the camera is a character in the film. It helps us inhabit this world in a much more immediate way. It’s tight and sweaty, I have never seen such claustrophobic imagery produced from deep wilderness before.

    In short, it is a great film with tons to offer, one that I’ll rewatch for the rest of my life, but nobody in the theater wanted to make out with me — 2/5 stars.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Mr Plinkett is Mike’s Mary sue.

  • bassbait

    that’s the one with Spock, right?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No that’s Star Track.

  • Never trust a sarlacc pit.

  • Prince Solomon
  • Earth

    Am I missing something with Chuck Norris? I don’t get his appeal at all and he has that whole stupid internet thing surrounding him.

  • bassbait

    the internet rallies around all sorts of uninteresting shit.

    Case in point – My Little Pony.

  • Mr. Plinkett’s Mary Sue got murdered.

  • Earth

    Probably the best WotW come to think of it.

    Made even better when Alcoholics Anonymous Roberts himself appeared on the comment section.

  • Palpatine

    Yes. This.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I don’t know. He’s not as entertaining in terms of his bad acting like Reb Brown or Low Blow.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    We dont do cranberry sauce. Is it nice?

  • bassbait

    6 was the best. SOS is overrated.

  • Prince Solomon
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I hope you get a new Empire for Richmas.

  • bassbait

    fact is, it was either gonna be Steven Segall or Chuck Norris. Other action stars were too notorious and/or too respectable. Chuck Norris is a hack and that’s why they made those jokes, it was supposed to be ironic. Like he’s portrayed as awesome in his movies but he isn’t, and so the joke is they’re pretending like he’s as awesome as his movies think he is, but they know he’s a shitty hack.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Merry Reichmas.

  • Earth

    Fair enough. It annoys me that people now make the joke but most of them barely have a fucking clue who Chuck Norris is, much less watched any of his films.

  • bassbait

    I’ve never seen any of his films because, like I said, he’s a hack. I know he’s a hack because he supports Mike Fuckabee.

  • Prince Solomon

    i couldn’t finish a single episode of Texas Ranger (of the two that i started to watch) or whatever it was called… but i like some of the jokes

  • Earth

    It’s always about Tales from Genisys Space.

  • Prince Solomon

    yeah 6 (they call her old camel feet) or 7 (giraffes night out in manhattan!!!!) are the best ones in my opinion

  • bassbait

    there’s a lot of good ones. But 6 has Osteoperosis dance which I think is the absolute epitome of BOTW. Not necessarily my favorite or the best, but the one that summarizes what BOTW means – making something boring fun by being horrible people… with a great sense of humor.

  • Earth

    I’m not sure anyone has described SOS as overrated before.

  • bassbait

    I guess you could say I’m a pioneer then 😉

  • Wizard Phoenix

    BOTW needs some Bruno Mattei films.

  • Prince Solomon

    well said man

  • Like Icare

    No, no… he’s right.

    Even ignoring that thing where Mary Sue is a character written into the existing universe and just looking at him as the author’s avatar… Which he could have been more only had he worn glasses, beard and a flannel shirt… and called himself George…

    He’s a whiny kid who gets put down by his uncle, gets punched out by sand people (you know… Arabs), saved by Obi Wan, almost gets killed in the cantina and Obi Wan saves him again, gets saved by 3PO (trash compacter) after nearly being drowned by that thing under the water, gets teased by the princess, denigrated by Han, also patronized with all that “kid” stuff, mopes around – and then he fails to destroy the Death Star and ALMOST gets killed then, but Han and Chewy save him.

    He’s not at all this super-perfect loved-by-all infallible great guy.
    FFS he gets fooled by a droid to take off his restraining bolt.

    Luke IS an author’s avatar – but not a Mary Sue.
    Hunger Games chick and the Twilight chick?
    Now they are author avatars AND Mary Sues.
    Particularly Bella.

  • Earth

    Let’s not go nuts.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    To be fair, Invasion USA isn’t really his most memorable role, which is probably either his fight with Bruce Lee in Way of the Dragon (I think his first film role, actually), or probably Lone Wolf McQuade. Even Delta Force, as inane as it is, is “better” than Invasion USA.

    He also had a “second career” in the ’90s with addled Middle America in the form of Walker, Texas Ranger.

    The explosion of the internet memes about him way back in the late ’90s, early ’00s cemented him as an ’80s action movie “legend” despite clearly being the worst of a pretty terrible crew (I mean, he’s inferior to Seagal, inferior to JCVD, etc.)

  • bassbait

    yea, wouldn’t want to go SOS on anyone!

  • Danke, Herr Obersturmbannführer! Even the camp inmates are getting a visit by Santa Claus tonight! MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAH! *maniacal laughter continues ad infinitum*

  • bassbait

    didn’t he do Terminator 2?

  • Prince Solomon

    i have to agree with bassbait, i didn’t like the creepy religious tone of that stupid SOS…there are people who actually believe that kind of religious propaganda which kinda ruins the fun for me personally.

    i guess that people who have somebody with osteoperosis in their family (like Jim from Canada? i assume…) don’t like wotw 6… and people who had a tragic icicle accident can’t stand wotw 7

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    My sister had no real interest in Star Wars prior to seeing the newest one, she demanded I bring over the OT to watch after seeing the new one which she loved. So of course one of her questions is “Why is Luke able to fight his way out of the Death Star and blow up the Death Star?” And I was like, “Well, uh…he got like five minutes of training from Obi-Wan there on the Falcon, remember?”

  • The Aliens/Terminator rip-off?

  • I mostly know him for Texas Ranger. As a kid I loved it. What the fuck was I thinking?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    And Strike Commando.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    He fails in Empire. In A New Hope and Return of the Jedi he almost inexplicably succeeds. If things follow true for the new one, Rey will get her butt handed to her by Snoke in Episode VIII.

  • bassbait

    the SOS stuff does hit a little close to home, but I just think it’s not a very funny tape. Funny yes. Very funny? Hardly. They’ve covered much funnier. SOS’s appeal is the gradual reveal, which I think is great. But Osteoperosis dance is the most asshole I’ve ever seen out of Mike and that sticks with me a lot longer.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Yeah, Death Wish 3 is basically “mainstream” by their standards.

  • Prince Solomon

    of course, they will play it safe and simply copy Luke. It’s a rather typical character progression throughout 3 acts in literature anyway

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Depends on their age. People the age of the RLM crew have all seen these movies. My parents have seen these movies. I’ve seen these movies and I’m probably ten years younger than the RLM crew appears to be.
    The teenage/early ’20s demographic will probably not have seen them, though, although Death Wish 3 gets so much play on cable I’d be surprised if they haven’t.
    That said, I don’t mind the RLM crew doing a take-down on a stone-cold classic.

  • Prince Solomon

    oh yeah absolutely! the first one is great, the second one hmmm

  • Prince Solomon

    yeah his performance in that one is almost better than in their mexican christmas special discussion

  • bassbait

    I’ve seen more Cannon films than my parents, and they were the exact right age to see them (18 in 1988).

    I didn’t know they existed until RLM brought them up, even though I had already seen some of their films. The masses don’t give a fuck about B movies, and that’s what Cannon is. I can’t imagine the 80’s were super different in this regard, though obviously *more* people will have heard of it from then, I doubt a lot of people did. Now-a-days it’s a forgotten relic, as it should be.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Her butt otta get handed to me. *slidewhistle*

  • bassbait

    that one was made by Jessi though. Mike’s best BOTW’s are WOTW 6 and the Star Wars Holiday Special. Worst are the ones where he isn’t even on the discussion.

  • Palpatine

    They need to review foreign films in general.

  • bassbait

    Turkish Superman.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Like Robowar.

  • Palpatine

    Not obscure enough.

  • Prince Solomon

    Was this pre 9/11-SW-Holiday-Special or after?

    If it was before you shall be forgiven, if it was after however…may the lord have mercy upon your soul!

    http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tv/image/1401/82/1401824644302.webm

  • Prince Solomon

    A BotW Uwe Boll special?

    O_O

  • Like Icare

    Quoth Domo:
    Y’know what? The old lady with the thing and the thing is referenced by Maz Kanata later. She tells her “You know the truth, and what’s waiting for you on Jakku.” Why does it need so much more?

    Actual quote:
    “WHOMEVER you’re waiting for on Jakku, they’re never coming back.”
    There’s a CAM available online.

    That’s not “bringing everything we are”. Or applying perspective.
    That’s reading-in things, and then when someone else says… “Hold on, that’s not there” – arguing that it IS there.
    Due to finding meaning through apophenia.

    Some things CAN be proven.

    Got nothing against Domo. I like her. She’s cool. For a grrrrrrroool. 😛
    But that what she saw is not there, and what was shown was an attempt at pandering of the lowest order.
    An equivalent of Daisy Ridley flashing her tits to keep the guys interested.
    Well, ok… maybe not tits.
    Maybe just changing clothes in the back of the car while Jon Favreau drives.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Turkish movies perhaps?

  • Prince Solomon

    Why not go full retard instead and watch TURKISH STAR WARS!!!!!!!!

  • Palpatine

    That would be awesome!

  • Boring.

  • Prince Solomon

    or not drunk enough…

  • RLMkeepitup

    not entirely a hack because he is accomplished in martial arts and that round house kick was pretty awesome. texas rangers was pretty successful too

  • Prince Solomon

    Clearly you meant Boring-Nein

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Boll movies compared Italian rip offs and Turkish movies are just ragingly bad. Boll can’t even make it’s so bad it’s good film. He can only make horrible anger creating films.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Turkish Star Wars would be there not just because of Star Wars but because of everything else they stole from.

  • bassbait

    because I’ve seen it too much. I want some Turkish Superman for a change.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Neil Breen’s movies requires viewing with friends. If you don’t you will not enjoy the beauty that is Fateful Findings.

  • Nein.

  • RLMkeepitup

    they would destroy them all

  • Prince Solomon
  • Prince Solomon

    i’ve watched it alone (yeah ’cause i have no friends) and thought it was hilarious. hopefully they’ll watch it together with Pass Thru once it will be released

  • Prince Solomon
  • Prince Solomon

    must admit i havn’t even heard of Turkish Superman before…*add to watchlist*

  • bassbait

    they could do BEST OF THE BREEN

    and do I Am Here Now, Fateful Findings, and Pass Thru. Perfect!

  • bassbait

    there’s a scene where a guy tries to stab Turkish Superman, and when he’s about to do it, the knife turns into a plastic knife, like a white plastic knife. It’s hilarious.

  • Prince Solomon

    Turkish Rocky… Turkish Star Trek… my god what have i been doing all these years… so many films to watch

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I meant these movies specifically (well, other than The Christmas Tree). Both get a lot of play on TV.

  • bassbait

    I know, I caught Death Wish 3 on TV. But it’s not like people watch it much. Because after all, TV is a forgotten relic now too.

  • Prince Solomon

    amazing super power indeed 😀 having watched the trailer i don’t know whether this movie is just otherworldly bad or some surreal Jodorowsky-type piece of cinematic art

  • Like Icare

    They are allowed to leave the Death Star so they could lead it to the REAL rebel base.

    He blows up the Death Star cause he’s a great pilot who’s been bullseyeing wamp rats back at Beggar’s Canyon at home his whole life, cause he’s the son of the “best star pilot in the galaxy, and a cunning warrior.” who has “become quite a good pilot” according to Kenobi AND cause the Force is strong in him.

    And cause Han saves his ass. And so does Wedge Antilles.

  • Prince Solomon

    it would blow their format…ALL of them are the best of the worst.

    i think Jay’s mind would be blown, (and i don’t mean the LA-Manhole kind of blown…) just remember how much he loved Double Down…

  • Prince Solomon

    and Porkins…don’t you ever forget Porkins!

  • Palpatine
  • Prince Solomon

    I live by that motto.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Gross

  • Palpatine

    The likenesses of Mike and Jay are uncanny.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Killer’s Kiss is fine. Any movie ending in a fight in a creepy mannequin factory is okay with me.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    The best edit of the prequels is easily Neon Noir:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJJqYoMxG7o

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Hey I wonder what happens if you pour hydrochloric acid on the lump of coal we are giving them….

  • Like Icare

    That’s not creepy religious propaganda.

    That’s CULTIST propaganda promising free sex to those who join.
    But then you can have Richard Nixon as your Spirit Helper.
    Or Snowman if that’s more your thing.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_International#Spirit_Helpers

    There is a slight risk of child abduction if you ever leave the cult though.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_International#Child_abduction

  • Prince Solomon

    Especially since Jay’s beard looks too good, this was his proto beard phase… before it became super badass

  • bassbait

    “started in Huntington Beach California”

    that’s where I used to live…

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    It was perfect. I love social justice. Social justice forever. All hail Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, the greatest movie of the year.

  • Prince Solomon

    that’s more than fucked up…

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Italian Spiderman!
    Rich Evans loves it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhHhXukovMU

  • Sorry, I always sucked at chemistry. But speaking of Reichs, I created mein own, because there aren’t enough RLM sub channels yet: https://disqus.com/home/channel/instantsrelief/
    Feel free to invade!

  • Like Icare

    Well… Porkins more like took one for the team.

    Wedge flew right in between Luke and that Tie Fighter and took it out.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WBG2rJZGW8&feature=player_detailpage#t=320

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The joy of SFM videos comes from using other models in place of what you’re recreating.

  • Like Icare

    Actually… it was originally Vin Diesel.
    http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/chuck-norris-facts

  • Prince Solomon

    Amazing!!! So that’s where that gif with that dude’s OMG face is from. Thx buddy

  • Like Icare

    Just imagine… You could have ended up a part of the RLM in such a different way!

  • bassbait

    sure, if I was born and raised there… in 1968… but I was part of a different cult. You know, the cool one!

  • Ja! Dies!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Soooo. this is Richmas…….
    And i’m watching foreign news feeds. I just watched Spain’s Nightly news and am now watching Saudi News….. I dont speak Arabic and my spanish is worse…. badum tish!

    Seriously I love watching this stuff. if its boring it just washes over you. If its interesting you hang on every word to glean some meaning.

  • Prince Solomon

    Just for the lulz. Favorite moment of the “Plinkett scenes” during the Plinkett Star Wars prequels reviews?

    Mine is definitely this one:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPt1am18lR4&t=2m07s

  • Like Icare

    Moonies? They’re also responsible for one of the worst movies ever made.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inchon_%28film%29#Reviews

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    schließlich, Alles ist tot…
    Diesdead=tot get it!

  • Prince Solomon

    Well today is Richmas so you are excused for your masochistic fetish… i would look like this after a few minutes:

    https://thefilmist.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/cliff.jpg

  • Prince Solomon

    Das ist richtig Susanne!

  • Prince Solomon
  • bassbait

    my favorite is “quiet, I’m making my youtube star wars review”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    They just ended the DUBAI NEWS with a Funny Christmas story and said merry christmas~!!!!
    But the americans told me that arabs hate christmas….?
    I dont know what to think. maybe 911 wasnt really an inside job and the world is a more complex place than people think……
    NAAAAA! George Bush is behind it all! Daft Trump is just his Vader.

  • The short answer, all of them!
    The long answer, my penis!

  • Prince Solomon
  • Prince Solomon
  • Get outta my popcorn jar! RAAAAAH!

  • bassbait

    the plinkett scenes are my least favorite part of the reviews though. I like reviewers who trim all of the fat. Plinkett surprisingly does so a LOT more than other reviewers. He does a lot of just getting to the point, and no bullshitting.

  • Shit, I’ve finally met my match!

  • Prince Solomon

    alright, i see your point. but than again you get gems like the “Revenge of Nadine and Episode III Review outtakes” vid from their archives collection as a result of those scenes…

    this whole Plinkett is a serial killer thing is totally a Mike idea… and i love it 😀

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    The Plinkett story line got too big. thats why they made Nadine’s Revenge a separate thing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_Ho9NYWl_E

  • You’re getting kicked out of the Wehrmacht. That’s for sure!

  • bassbait

    I haven’t seen those things since they came out. I usually watch the reviews to watch in-depth reviews with jokes that are intertwined with the review. Bits and cut-aways and stuff aren’t my thing as much. Not to say Plinkett doesn’t do them *well*, just that that’s not the meat of why I watch him. I still enjoy that stuff for plinkett but his best moments are when the jokes are comments on the movies, instead of cut-away jokes that have nothing to do with the movie.

  • Prince Solomon

    typical Plinkett! but isn’t that from the Titanic review? 😀

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    OMG! The Plinkett TFA review will be Nadine kidnapping Mr Plinkett and hating TFA! Then torturing Mr Plinkett till he sees the flaws!
    “You have to make a new review Harry! I have nothing left without my baby! Review it and I’ll put down the blow torch. REVIEW IT!!!!”

  • bassbait

    it fits into my “HITB is all a big metaphor” theory!

    The metaphor being that fans will burn Mike’s balls for liking TFA.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I’m Kriegsmarine, I like seamen.

  • Like Icare

    Well… It has to come out on davadah first…

  • Oh, I’m sorry. NERD!

  • Prince Solomon

    indeed! too bad the VIACAT storyline was never concluded (from the Star Trek 09 review)

  • Their submarines can go pretty deep, as far as I know.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I liked it and will see it again after all the Richmas stuff dies down.
    but I want at least a Star Trek 2009 review for TFA.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *Relights blow torch…
    “So be it.”

  • Stoklasa had all those storylines clearly mapped from the beginning, when the first Plinkett review got released.

  • bassbait

    shhh, don’t say you liked it, the Star Wars wars are just starting to settle down now, don’t want to accidentally cause controversy by liking a movie!

  • Prince Solomon
  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s creepier than my affection which I might add is not love for Daisy Ridley.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    “Subs and Seamen 2: Going Deep.”
    In cinemas this January.

  • Your ways with the memes are impressive, too. Have you been trained by Fraud Master Evans?

  • Looks like it’s going to be a high pressure situation. Fuck you in January!

  • Prince Solomon

    Yesssss friend, trained by the living legend himself

    https://media.giphy.com/media/IQ8ijt3XQzA9W/giphy.gif

    this for example is my notification sound whenever i receive a new message on my cell phone
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCIBVOOgvlQ

    the laughter of an angel

  • Prince Solomon
  • Damn, your hack freudian levels are off the charts!

  • Palpatine

    I didn’t cause controversy when I said I liked Jurassic World.

  • OMNI

    a micro-controversy

  • Prince Solomon
  • Palpatine

    Nothing.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Not to be all TMI…. but that speeder looks a lot like a chocolate covered ice cream….

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5a/Magnum_ice_cream.jpg

  • Before. It aired on TV when I was around 8 or 9.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That joke’s lazier than Low Blow.

  • bassbait

    yea but that’s because nobody cares about Jurassic World. After all, RLM didn’t build their career after lengthy reviews of the Jurassic Park series.

  • bassbait

    How is that TMI? TMI is more like “do you want to know what color my latest shit was?”

  • Palpatine

    Tru dat.

  • Prince Solomon

    Star Wars
    EPISODE VII.05

    THE FAN WARS

    War! The RLM disqus board is
    crumbling under attacks by the
    ruthless SW:TFA apologizers.
    There are heroes on both sides.
    Anger is everywhere.

    In a stunning move, the
    fiendish RLM-CEO, Mike Stoklossa,
    has swept into the
    Plinkett Mansion and kidnapped
    Jay Bauman’s critical thinking, leader of
    the Galactic Voice of Reason.

    As the TFA haters army
    attempts to flee the besieged
    HitB:100th Episode comment section
    with their valuable opinions,
    an unimpressed Rich Evans leads a
    desperate mission to rescue
    Mike & Jay’s critical thinking….

  • Prince Solomon

    ah okay

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Yeah, at this point I’m backing away…. otherwise this cheap joke will get really dirty.

  • Palpatine

    And all of that will be shot in first person.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Last time I tell you about my sex life.

  • Palpatine

    I liked Jurassic World and I have no regrets in liking it.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    No even better! Totally CGI!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    All one shot like Alejandro Innaritu

  • bassbait

    every now and then I make jokes that are in horrible taste. It becomes an issue when I say them in public places.

  • Palpatine

    Plinkett will be all CGI? Will he sing an unnecessary song into the camera?

  • Prince Solomon

    It’s the Plinkett cinematic universe! Forger Marvel & DC, Plinkett is the real shit.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    You kids dont know what a war is… go back and look at past videos. Every comentzone that is closed is because of a horrific war that closed the whole site.
    This TFA starwars war has been quite polite.

  • Prince Solomon

    and Jay Jay Bauminks is the key to all of this right?

  • bassbait

    that’s because there are heroes on both sides!

  • Prince Solomon

    i’ve been on redlettermedia.com for ages but since the TFA review i’m actually paying attention to the comment section.

    Which terrible wars have been fought and most importantly about what movies?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Exactly. this time people dont hate it enough to want to fight. with some dickbag exceptions most people have been respectful, if maybe dismissive of other’s opinions.

  • bassbait

    pssh, like I need to listen to other people’s opinions!

    Does anyone else hear an echo in this chamber?

  • Prince Solomon

    Well, every Sith Lord has to piss off some people right? I still respect you Sheev! Glad you liked it. The only thing i liked was the Mosasaur

  • Prince Solomon

    this is how i imagine myself whenever i hear someone else’s opinion:

    http://i.imgur.com/7ufmc3i.gif

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Almost never over a movie… The biggest war was the GIF Wars. some people liked posting gifs and memes others hated it. so RLM did the King Solomon and let us post them but they show up as links, not on the page.
    Wizard Phoenix made a meme about it.

    https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-6pxt2d7GOA0/Veeb59MtvtI/AAAAAAAAByA/px6uJy_XDqQ/w338-h553-no/5654843e0c097953503324e8db6c7761.jpg

  • bassbait

    Palpy, it’s like they’re just rubbing it in at this point!

    http://puu.sh/m7IHe.png

  • Prince Solomon

    lololol that’s amazing bro! i want a special edition of that 😀

  • bassbait

    that is better. It prevents people from posting pics that some people might *really* not want to see. I’ve had that problem before, where I scroll down and then *BAM* something that ruins my whole day.

  • Palpatine

    He’s right.

  • bassbait

    maybe they’ll review it next year.

  • Prince Solomon

    oh man, looks like i’ve really missed out on something.

    although i’m a derp who constantly keeps posting pics & gifs i absolutely understand that some people take it a little bit too far and annoy others.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Prince Solomon

    glad i’m not the only one 😉 but for some reason i can’t get it to play

  • Prince Solomon
  • Prince Solomon

    Whaaaat??? Let me quickly bring you back *into darkness*:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWLGH0VHUVs&t=42m29s

  • Prince Solomon

    From now on play this song whenever we have a discussion 😀

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRgXGigPKuc

  • Prince Solomon

    well now the three of you made me curious, now i have to watch that film too (which means spending less time with my family)

  • Cream-A-Thon

    No credit for Susan at the end? She’s your Marina Sirtis, ain’t she? Dislike! Unsubscribe!
    #susangate

  • Epic, brah!

  • Prince Solomon

    you forgot to report this vid to the authorities!
    JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED.

  • Prince Solomon

    OH MY GAAAAAWHD

    Rich Evan’s proto laugh @ 7:46

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDX8M9VoZoQ&t=7m46s

    that’s MICRO-EVOLUTION right there!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCIBVOOgvlQ

  • Like Icare

    It’s big and black and… no wait… that was a submarine.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=BKkNVO5W4Xo#t=121

  • Like Icare

    Clitoris IS a very elusive pokemon.
    Not to mention it’s even more elusive advanced form – the G-spot.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Neither can I and I posted it. Fuck google.

  • Rich is the missing link between man and chimpanzee.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Manny years ago I was at a party listening to SJW’s telling the world what to do.
    there was a lot of “Population control for the third world.” talk.
    I said
    “Really we should just grind up third world babies and feed them to the starving! Problem solved.”
    Lets just say that was not taken well.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    To paraphrase a better man than me.
    “Rich is the point where the falling angel meets the rising ape.”

  • Terry nice!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Writing died with him… now people just write scripts… for reboots.

  • bassbait

    I can’t exactly share, but the content of my dreams are more fucked up than that lol, and I have intrusive thoughts that are fucked up too, so I tend to have a more relaxed sense of humor because *anything* that my imagination has to offer by my own free will is better than what my imagination forces on me against my will.

    In other words, if you were to tell that joke around me and my friends, we’d start talking about recipes. We would skip on zero details.

  • Prince Solomon

    oh instant kwanza you have beaten me to it^^

    You will give the people of Earth an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun, Rich. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders.

    https://40.media.tumblr.com/0668715134c1fc3e5492e3978610353a/tumblr_nfxtalE32O1rjgvl7o1_500.jpg

  • Prince Solomon

    the political correct term is “soft-reboot”

  • So many emotions! *wipes tears*

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    And if you want to imagine a future.
    Imagine a trainer, laces trailing, kicking a pebble…. forever.

  • Prince Solomon
  • Prince Solomon
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Rich evans can destroy evil with his super power of apathy!
    Satan “Destroy this earth it is your destiny!”
    Rich ‘…. meh….”

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Prince Solomon

    and also fuck you Rick Berman! What is it with Ricks?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • That looks like you just jizzed your pants!

  • bassbait

    I’ve started listening to RLM videos while I go to sleep. I have nothing witty or interesting to say right now because I’m so tired that my mind doesn’t form humor particles anymore. But I’m actually sleeping at a decent time for once.

  • the_antithesis

    You want a fucked up children’s cartoon, watch The Mouse and His Child.

  • Prince Solomon

    Both forms are unbeknownst to me… but hearing all these ominous things i know exactly what to do next:

    http://new1.fjcdn.com/pictures/Pokemon_21ddd9_1307506.jpg

  • Heil five!

  • Prince Solomon

    so i imagine you enjoy your restful sleep and have a nice dream until suddenly an old drunk dude appears and says “Why i like to be nuuude.” followed by foreign women speaking…

    bassbait, will you be the same bassbait we all know and love tomorrow after this treatment? i’m kinda worried, i think we all are

  • Hey, I do the same! The Plinkett reviews immediately put me in this state of bliss and happiness. They are perfect for going to sleep.

  • Prince Solomon

    i think if anything the Dance of Birth video has the most mesmerizing monotone voice-over which would make anyone who is listening to it sleepy, of course you would have nightmares…but that’s the prize to pay i guess

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    cant get the short vid to work so here is the whole thing.

    https://plus.google.com/u/0/114089192088360284355/videos?pid=6113779123886509394&oid=114089192088360284355

    I know everyone else has seen it shut up. Its Richmas.

  • Prince Solomon

    hmmm should i lie or should i tell you the truth?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjVPVGtjMCo&t=0m11s

  • You were shooting the jizz in that scene?

  • Prince Solomon

    just when you think one couldn’t hate the Nazis any more…

    did he write a book about his exploits too? You know, “Meesa Kampf”

  • Prince Solomon

    lets just say… at times i can be VEEEEEEEEEEEERY inconsiderate if you know what i mean if you know what i mean…

  • *wink wink nudge nudge*

  • Prince Solomon
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    There is a commi Jar Jar too. but I have to go fill the pool its 33.4c here.

  • Prince Solomon

    NERD ALERT!

    Gungans only have four fingers duh…

    (dammit, i hope nobody notices how Jar Jar is my favorite …i mean, my least favorite character and i know nothing about him and his species…*walk away slowly*)

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Prince Solomon
  • Like Icare
  • Can I jump in your pool? Cause I need some relief. Get it? Cause kwanza.

  • Prince Solomon

    i don’t know who is to blame, google, firefox or opera but it’s still not working for me. SS Jar Jar strikes again!

  • Prince Solomon

    make sure you enter the pool in an orderly fashion:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EavWmhuhZTM&t=0m14s

    i would love to hear historic speeches read by Jar Jar… that could become it’s own thing…you know, as a way of entertainment in the darkest depths of Tartarus.

  • Palpatine

    What’s RIAA?

  • Prince Solomon
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well Jay is right. Freeman is possibly the worst actor I have ever seen. Yes, he’s worse than Tommy Wiseau.

  • Prince Solomon

    it’s basically THE FIRST ORDER of the music industry… minus the Starkiller

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I want Star Wars Rogue One to end like Blood Debts for some reason.

  • Palpatine

    That’s a hard thing to picture.

  • That’s racist!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Felicity Jones turned himself into authorities. She is now serving a life sentence.

  • Prince Solomon

    What was i thinking?

    http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tv/image/1400/17/1400170834480.gif

    I will go home now and rethink my life.

  • Palpatine

    Who’s that?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    The star of Rogue One.

  • Prince Solomon

    she stole the plans of your first Death Star Palpy! Don’t you ever watch the holo news?

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Rhianna? Didn’t see that cuming coming.

  • Prince Solomon

    what’s the name of her husband?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Felicity’s husband.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He was too busy getting mad at the fact the Death Star was blown up by a bunch of teenagers.

  • Prince Solomon

    Okay and with this Simpsons prediction i will leave you for now.

    http://i1.wp.com/bitcast-a-sm.bitgravity.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/simpsons-star-wars1.jpg

    (they knew which two films would fight the box office wars…)

    Maybe the Schwartz be with you!

    http://www.feistees.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/lqusc.jpg

  • Prince Solomon

    That’s right Jay!!!

  • No need to, just join mein Wehrmacht!

  • Prince Solomon

    also he didn’t know what the hell an Aluminum Falcon was… poor Palpy

  • Prince Solomon

    You meant to say “Meesa Wehrmacht” right?

    GODDAMMIT JAR JAR!!! I KNOW IT’S YOU!

    stop trying to recruit me to the Dark Side!!!! I know you guys have cookies but i really prefer a purple lightsaber

  • They were right about the chipmunks.

  • Jonah Falcon

    Holding any sort of firearm from your hip is really bad and you’ll never hit your target, but in the 80’s you must have your GUN PENIS. Note where the barrel is. Oh, and stray bullets never hit anyone a couple of blocks away. Ever.

  • Jonah Falcon

    THE CHRISTMAS TREE! WOO HOO! One of the worst animated films ever!

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    IMHO, the Chuck Norris meme died an inglorious death with the parody video of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Volvo ad.

    Don’t get me wrong, Van Damme is a bad actor with more than his share of stinkers, but his martial arts talent is undeniable and the stunt he performed took real skill (my transmission slips just watching it). What Norris did was just a pathetic “Hey look at me, I’m Internet Famous” gag, not realizing that ‘Internet Famous’ isn’t always a good thing.

  • Commander X

    I want Rogue One to feature a scene where Donnie Yen puts someone in a triangle choke and repeatedly punches them in the head.

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    I had a loose distributor cap once—yes, just like that alien robot, but I wasn’t faking it—and it was no fun. But it did inspire my performance in Low Blow, so I got something out of it.

  • Marvin Falz

    Thanks. But the video is blocked in my country.

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    They’ve mentioned Jack Frost (the horror one, not the Keaton one) in passing before, I’d really like to see their take on it. I’ve seen it, and to this day I really wish I hadn’t.

  • Commander X

    What’s up for Episode 8? A new Starkiller Base, but not only is it a planet again, but it has a somewhat smaller moon that also has been turned into a Starkiller Base.

  • Like Icare
  • Like Icare

    FFS pay attention, will you?

    After Star Wars comes the Empire…

    So there will be no Death Star 4.0b until episode 9.

    Next movie will be all about Rey training with Luke… finding out the answer to the “Whose your daddy?”… and then she has to rescue her friends, kidnapped by Snookie of the Supremes and Ren and Stimpy.

  • pete smith

    I say lucio fulci marathon for starters. His works wary from classic to really bad.

  • Marvin Falz

    It’s probably as bad as every other prequel fan edit anyway.

  • Marvin Falz

    O.K. Connery
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062078/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

    From what I’ve seen on YouTube ‘O.K. Connery’ is a charmingly bad movie with lots of unintentional humour. Most of the main actors are known in the Bond universe and their acting is good in this movie. The plot is too convoluted, which breaks the movie. The movie is insane, funnily insane. I can hear Rich’s laugh in my mind.

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    Thanks for sharing this link. While I don’t agree with a few of the edits this person made (a couple I had to grudgingly concede to, as there’s no way to advance the plot without them, illustrating how bad a story it really is), overall it was very interesting to watch, especially the simple yet brilliant fixes to the glaring continuity errors with Yoda and Leia.

    That being said, this version also firmly cemented my opinion that no amount of editing can ever make RotS worth suffering through.

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    It’s as if a million MST3K fanbois cried out in rage, and would never shut up…

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    Hey, don’t look at me. I was 9 years away from being an antique, and I still gave it my all.

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    Damn straight we do!

  • Let them wade in shit if they want to.

  • Like Icare
  • Joe Syxpac

    Kickstarter was a huge success.

    Gonna get a new season.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I guess it tastes okay but the texture is very odd.

    Plus the idea of just opening a can of some cold stuff and calling it a “dish” is very off-putting to me. Might as well just be cold Spaghettios.

  • Like Icare

    Make a note of that triumph.

  • bassbait

    I’ll allow it.

  • Joe Syxpac
  • bassbait

    it is now Christmas for me. Merry Christmas, me!!!

  • Joe Syxpac

    He’s just whining cuz he’s not one of the cool kids.

  • bassbait

    and yet all he has to do to be one of the cool kids is just not whine about the cool kids. It’s so easy!

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Merry Richmas you.

  • bassbait

    My Richmas will probably be mostly RLM and VHS tapes.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    I built a pool house…. well the frame at least.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a6100f00154fe7da601c85ecf7e778f9081e5be052e3459243cb0af00487b12b.jpg

    thats how I spent Richmas day.

  • bassbait

    I was supposed to go visit family for Christmas, but I had to stall a week so my brother is coming over for Christmas, then the next day we’re leaving for the road trip. We’re going to have two dogs with us, one of which isn’t potty trained, and the other is a yippy chihuahua, so… it’s gonna be a nightmare.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    That sounds like Christmas.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Note for users of the RLM E.U.
    Tapey, tOmy and Omi are MIA. Modding on Exiled and Wormworld might take longer than usual.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA8PXbTb7OQ

  • bassbait

    they fucked up Anakin’s character hard in the prequels. It would have made more sense if they had Anakin be eager to use his force powers and lightsaber and all of those Jedi things, whereas the rest of the Jedi are peaceful monk-types, and trying to teach Anakin the true ways of the force, whereas he idealizes them as being useful in every situation, and eventually starts doing shitty things with the force, extending into “bad guy” territory over time. Like using a jedi mind trick on someone who he shouldn’t be using it on, things like that. That way we can see Anakin actually BEING seduced by the “dark side of the force” instead of just talking to monster mash for like, 5 minutes.

  • bassbait

    Netflix sure loves to toy with me –

    http://puu.sh/m84Og.jpg

  • Cakefarts

    Merry Christmas you hacks – and hangers on.

  • Marvin Falz

    I kinda get the message. MST3K fans like O.K. Connery so much, they’re like fans of Star Wars, well, not all Star Wars fans.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Turns out Radiohead did made a song for the latest Bond joint…but I guess Sam Smith was better… “cringe”

    https://soundcloud.com/radiohead/spectre

  • Marvin Falz

    I’m reminded of that episode of King of Queens, where Patton Oswalt’s character installs a TiVo and TiVo recommends only shows for women and gay people and finally he cries out: “TiVo thinks I’m gay!”

    It is much funnier as it sounds and I mean it completely not ironic.

  • Marvin Falz

    Still, why should I care about MST3K, when the movie is fun to watch?

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • Marvin Falz

    “dozes off while listening*

  • Prince Solomon

    Merry Richmas you hack! I hope you watched the Dog-Sitter review as a preparation for your road trip with dogs

  • bassbait

    I’ll do that next. Watching the ROTJ commentary right now.

  • Prince Solomon

    lolol Ren & (General) Stimpy

  • Prince Solomon

    well it says “Fast Set” on the package so it will be up in no time… right?

    Or is this the case?:

    http://static.gamesradar.com/images/totalfilm/t/the-red-one.jpg

    Have fun buddy!

  • The Ghost

    You know you have a good wife when she gets you a signed “Space Cop” poster for Christmas.

  • Earth

    The funniest thing in that video for me is Mike’s reaction. He looks horrified.

  • Earth

    Must be sad not to be part of our tight-knit community. He’s just jelly.

  • Earth

    It’ll turn out that it’s Darth Vader.

    “He’s your grandfather AND YOUR FATHER!”

  • Earth

    That’s ok. I never have anything witty or interesting to say anyway.

    Oh…

  • Earth

    Aww, I imagined that said with her accent.

    sniff, I miss her.

  • Earth

    “OW MY GROIN!!!!”

  • Jonah Falcon

    How come they didn’t show the moment when the orphan kids all smile EXTREMELY creepily at the brother and sister?

    https://38.media.tumblr.com/7bfdf216cf7bacf53cb0b4571e07fe55/tumblr_inline_n0t9rzlCLw1rpi6f8.png

    They should have backed that moment with horror music.

  • bassbait

    Let’s all listen to Watto singing the Cantina song for Christmas!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBiKGc9ZOl4

  • bassbait

    Today in “funny RLM freezes”!

    http://puu.sh/m8etu.jpg

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I am back, but it will still take ong for needing to digest.

  • Commander X

    Also, careful using the term “Mary Sue” everyone, it’s sexist slur according to this expert

    https://twitter.com/dresdencodak/status/554804325474504704

  • bassbait

    I don’t understand the need to give tropes names when people can just say “she didn’t have a character”.

    Bam, done.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    have you been to tvtropes? it’s far easier to give a trope a name.

  • Joe Syxpac
  • bassbait

    that website is impossible to sift through.

  • Like Icare

    Being angry makes Ren happy.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0V4TZAyd8I&feature=player_detailpage#t=103

    And general is a ginger cat…

  • Joe Syxpac

    “Mary Sue” is a more specific lack of character though. Instead of having to explain that the character is bad because she is prettier than anyone else, smarter than anyone else, loved by everyone, never fails, etc… you can simply say “Mary Sue”.

  • Joe Syxpac

    It’s not impossible to sift through, it’s impossible to escape.

    I’ve spent hours stuck in the goo that is Tvtropes.

  • bassbait

    yea, you can say “mary sue”, and then the vast majority of people, who don’t research trope names, will ask for clarification, and then you have to explain the term, and then explain how it applies. And if they know the term “mary sue”, then they’ll ask “how is she a mary sue?” and then you have to explain it anyway. It’s just additional words thrown in. And it can sometimes create a language barrier that would be avoided altogether if they just didn’t bother with the term.

    This isn’t about “mary sue” specifically though, I’ve seen this problem with all discussions that people use terms instead of describing their actual thoughts, and sometimes it makes me think that they don’t actually have an opinion of their own, so they just use terminology to make their gut reactions seem well thought out.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Worser than Strange Magic?

  • bassbait

    worserer than Attack of the Clones?

  • Joe Syxpac

    Yeah, everyone always wants clarification, but not usually because they don’t understand the term. They just don’t see it so they need someone to point it out for them.

    I love explaining why a beloved character is “Mary Sue”. It’s like knocking down a support column of their fragile little world.

  • bassbait

    you should see when I take the wind out of people’s sails with the most powerful three words in existence –

    “I don’t care.”

    That phrase can just end all petty discussions. If someone tells me a character I like is a “Mary Sue”, I’ll just say “I don’t care”. And at that point there’s nothing left they can do. That’s the beauty of subjectivity.

  • Joe Syxpac

    That’s true. Of course this is the internet. Everyone cares or else they wouldn’t be where they are.

    Mary Sue isn’t always bad though. Superman is a Mary Sue. Batman is a Super Sue. Harry Potter is a Mary Sue.

  • Like Icare
  • bassbait

    The characters I think are interesting tend to be highly questionable by most people. But I have my reasons.

  • Like Icare

    You’ll get same questions about a MacGuffin…

  • Joe Syxpac

    There’s nothing wrong with that.

    Tropes aren’t “bad”, per se. They can be symptoms of bad storytelling if too many of them appear or if a single trope overwhelms the story. If used improperly Mary Sues tend to have the latter effect.

    If you wanted to you could grab any book/movie/comic etc in existence and find certain tropes. There are a gazillin of them now and avoiding them is wholly impossible.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Maybe to you, but it cut it down to 1.5 hours so it’s already better than those.

  • You didn’t celebrate Christmas because you’re Jewish….
    …but your brain did.

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Maybe you realized that the eyes of the ranger were upon you…

  • The Ghost

    Man. This just won’t die.

  • bassbait

    wait what? Rogue One is a prequel? Cool. Yet another prequel!

  • Technically all the Star Wars movies are now prequels to Episode 7.

  • bassbait

    that ain’t how it works!!! Episode 7 would have to come out first.

  • I don’t care.

  • bassbait

    merry richmas!!

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    I didn’t think it was sexist, but I thought it was an inaccurate description. She’s not a self-insertion for JJ. There are plenty of other tropes that better describe the character.

    *cue everyone clamoring about how the definition doesn’t require it to be a self-insertion*

  • Archfiend_Baramos

    Except it’s not a Mary Sue, because she’s not a self-insertion. It would be more accurate to say terms like “God Modding” or even “God Mode Sue” but Max Landis is our god king of tropery so we have to all use the same inaccurate trope term he did.

  • Marvin Falz

    I only speak for myself. I’ve tried more than once to like the Prequels and fan edits but I can’t.

  • Marvin Falz

    I prequel you. No, wait, that sounds like an insult.

  • Prince Solomon

    is Merry Richmas the prequel to Merry Breenmas?

  • Prince Solomon

    i’m always fascinated how well Mike’s physical appearance adapts to his various film cameos…

    http://i.imgur.com/F3Jq2r7.jpg?1

  • /hug

  • Prince Solomon

    there was also Ani (i think) humming the Star Wars theme and the Vader theme… i like you guys too much to torture you with the actual sound files, i have them on my computer and their audio quality is just as horrible as little Ani’s acting…

  • Prince Solomon

    put on your “Sex Robe” Lord Mitchell and give her a … LOW BLOW *ba dum tss

  • Like Icare

    I heard she’s also never even been to Scotland, let alone was she Scottish.

  • Prince Solomon

    just ignore it… it will fade away into oblivion…

  • Prince Solomon

    But she had three characters!
    R E Y

    *bring out the slidewhistle for that one*

  • Prince Solomon

    wow it fits perfectly!

    it’s like poetry!!!

  • Spoiled Ants

    Yep, that sounds so borderline pretentious like the typical Iñárritu flick.

  • Prince Solomon
  • Oh boy, there’s a huge shitstorm on Steam. Some accounts have been compromised. Better check your bank accounts and Steam Wallets.

  • Prince Solomon

    they should’ve never left Luke in charge of (the) steam…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW4m0oYK0WQ&t=6m24s

  • People still use Steam?

  • Prince Solomon

    yeah kinda weird… i moved on to electricity…

  • Well, apparently you don’t even if you’re logged in and somebody writes to you. :V

  • Spoiled Ants

    They missed a couple of ones that I would have liked them having discussed like Sicario, Dope, Vacation, Backstreet Boys: Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of, Bridge of Spies, Bone Tomahawk, Kingsman, Aloha…

  • *awkward silence*

  • Electricity is so 2014. I only use the Force these days.

  • Spoiled Ants

    I don’t mind it at all, as long as the discussion is fun. And everything that prevents them from watching those boring-ass “How-to” VHS-tapes.

  • Prince Solomon

    the Force is too mainstream, i rather use the Schwartz.

  • Jew shall not pass!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    BAM!

  • Prince Solomon
  • Yeah, that’ll show me! BAM!

  • Prince Solomon
  • Merry fucking hanukkah!

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Drop your pants,bend down and I’ll give you a RollerCoaster Tycoon in your anal cavity Mr. Hit&Run.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Nobody raps harder than Peter Gabriel.

  • bassbait

    I sure do miss the days of lazy animation

    http://puu.sh/m8vQo.jpg

  • dollar store cashier wife

    that’s called animation on a tight budget.

  • bassbait

    http://puu.sh/m8vXu.jpg

    What’s wrong with your f-f-f-face?

  • bassbait

    12 Oz Mouse used the same excuse.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    *e

  • Prince Solomon
  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.
  • LukasWormTheThird

    You need to add a pronunciation guide, Marv, it’s a hard word!

    Prick-well.

    There.

  • Prince Solomon

    http://i.imgur.com/g92OEkQ.gif

    yes yes i see what you did there you dirty little Ewok!!!

  • bassbait

    Hope everyone is having a good Christmas… or had one I guess!

  • Prince Solomon

    Nothing says “STAR WARS” like Incest, Rape & a First Order Elf (Ren)

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Hows about you? Is yours more Kubrickian, Lynchian or more of a Nolan thing?

  • bassbait

    Groening-ian? I’m watching The Simpsons. Trying to make it through the classic era to see how it compares among funniest TV shows ever.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Sounds like a merry thing to me.

  • bassbait

    it beats anything else I got going on. Which is just about nothing.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I’m listening to Gothic Archies and eat pistachios, I say Merry Richmas to all.

  • bassbait

    I was probably gonna watch one of the RLM commentaries with my brother when he shows up, that’s not gonna be for another 3 hours at least.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Anybody up for a wheel, you know where, at or around 22:00 EST?
    http://www.classtools.net/random-name-picker/45_bUGgEg

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    Just seems like every time an MST3K movie appears anywhere else, the rabid fans go into meltdown mode, as if if being ‘mistied’ somehow makes a bad film sacrosanct so no one else can make fun of it or say they didn’t know it was on MST3K (or simply fail to mention it). That’s all I meant by it.

  • The True Star of Low Blow

    I’ve seen it, thanks.

    My favorite part is that fact that they were so lazy that they didn’t give Neil Connery’s ‘character’ a name. He was Dr. Neal Connery. That, and the line, “You read too many novels by Ian Fleming.”

  • The True Star of Low Blow
  • bassbait

    I can’t watch a single clip of Aqua Teen Hunger Force without immediately binge watching several.

    It’s like Lay’s chips – you can never eat just one. Also, terrible taste and is really bad for you.

  • Ψ( ̄∀ ̄)Ψ

  • Aqua Teen Hunger Force? Sounds like a porno title. Also, up voted for making me think of chips.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    bestätigt das Juden.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Damn it das is wrong! FUR!!!!

  • Was nennst du mich da, Australier? (○`O´○)

  • You need to spend more time in your pool and chillax. 😉

  • bassbait

    It has all of the bad writing of a porno, minus the porn.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    its 17c and pissing down. I would chill to hypothermia.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    There is after all a character called ‘Meatwad’.

  • Boring!

  • What the hell is wrong with your weather? We have like 15°C atm.

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Any cartoon by Adam Reed is automatically in my top ten.

  • bassbait

    nah it’s the best shit. Emphasis on “shit”.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKN8d61qnpU

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    This is a song about Victorian weather.
    It really is like….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9sem05RHnM

  • Boooring!

  • Jonah Falcon

    Worse worse worse. Far worse.

  • Forcible Entry: Excuse and Trickery 1974 FBI – Police Training Film. I’ll probably be passed out by the time you start, however.

  • Sully

    Seasons Greetings, my fellow Red Letter Storians.

  • Sully

    With a name like “Omni”, I’d have thought you would’ve been around longer.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Great spin! Yesterday I reached into the dollar-bin of liqueur nips and bought two for just such an occasion so I may be passed out by the third, um, second, er, first spin…

  • Doctor Andre Son of Thomas.

    Same to you foxy man.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Cream-A-Thon

    Rick Berman turns 70 today.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He ruined Christmas too?!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    A man shouldn’t be teaching anything to a woman. That’s so 70s era sexist. Rey is her own Jedi. That movie will come out in 2017! Get with the times.

  • Sully

    Thanks, friend from a land down undah.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Only next years JJ Abrams The Force Awakens Holiday Special can save us now. Starring Tom Selleck, Betty White, Terry Crews, Adele, James Franco, and St. Thomas Aquinas!

  • Palpatine

    It’s funny that you cast a guy who looks he has no eyebrows as a guy with weird eyebrows. Oh, and Merry Christmas.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Betty White was in the Civil War.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    So she’s confirmed for Rogue One?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Cream-A-Thon

    Whats so civil about war anyhow?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Creamy gave me an excellent idea for a new Star Wars Holiday Special. Oscar Isaac, Daisy Ridley, and John Boyega return. Chewbacca’s son is returning home from college but he comes into trouble when the First Order delays him. Meanwhile at the Bacca home the Baccas watch things and argue then James Franco and Seth Rogen show up. They’re both former storm trooper friends of Finn and are looking for a place to hide out. They give the Bacca’s incredible gifts including a sex machine, a box that plays music provided by 30 Seconds to Mars, and instructions on how to make yourself seem like a giant via hologram. Out of nowhere the First Order shows up looking for Franco and Rogen. An officer and one storm trooper leave while the other one stays. Poe shows up with Scratchy, Chewie’s son, and kills the storm trooper. They all celebrate by entering another dimension. Carrie Fisher shows up and because of poetry she sings again.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Get Bear Grylls with survival tips on Jakku and I’m there.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That will be there in one of the many segments. Amy Schumer will show up as a “friend” of Rey’s who knows how to cook and teaches Chewbacca’s girlfriend Maz how to cook.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Skrillex will show Lumpy how to use FruityLoops.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No he will be doing the music for a scene in which Chewbacca’s step daughter watches a parade thing to drone out his arguing with Malla.

  • Like Icare
  • Cream-A-Thon

    Choose the light side. Choose the dark side. Choose affordable astrodroids, jetbacks, and blasters. Choose hokey religions and ancient weapons.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    ABC can’t afford Ewan McGreggor.

  • Cream-A-Thon

    Trust me he’s just another Mortdecai away from “Little, yellow, small”.

  • Palpatine

    They also contact Luke via space Skype, but he just stands there and says nothing.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That’s because on Planet Ireland Island the internet connection is so bad it makes the smoke machine go off.

  • Like Icare

    Speaking of Star Wars…

    TFA has just dropped to “3rd bestest Star Wars movie EVAR” and is aiming for the 4th place and below.
    From 9.2 to 8.6 in not quite a week.

  • L.O.L.! J.J. Abrams failed! AMIRITE? HIGH FIVE OR SOBER FIVE?
    #rustytrumpbone2016 #randomhashtagsmakeverythingfunnier

  • bleurgh

    Radiohead wrote a Bond theme for Spectre and it sucks so bad that it actually gives me a whole new respect for the admittedly craptastic Sam Smith song.

    http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/music/radioheads-rejected-bond-song-spectre-hear-it-here-20151226-glv538.html

  • bleurgh

    When is the Honeymoon going to end for The Force Awakens? No-one honestly believes it’s worth a 95 on rotten tomatoes right? How long with it take for the critical evaluation to reach equilibrium?

  • It’s okay. Not as bad as your avatar.

  • bleurgh

    It’s pretty fucking meh dude. Like someone doing a bad impression of radiohead, with cliched Bond orchestration.

  • Marvin Falz

    Thanks for the clarification. Then I find “a million MST3K fanbois cried out in rage” pretty funny.

  • Marvin Falz

    Double the time of any other Marvel movie. The TFA hype lives mostly from its attachment to the Star Wars universe.

  • Marvin Falz

    The song belongs to the most boring songs I’ve ever heard.

  • Lucid Flux

    Boyhood still has 98%, I figure it will take about 12 years before people realize that it sucks.

  • Marvin Falz

    TFA seems to have less impact on the people than the prequels stlll do.

  • Like Icare

    It is more divisive.

    People have learned to expect that Star Wars doesn’t necessarily mean “It’s gonna be great!”
    And there is lot more to compare it to. And then there’s the Disney effect of over-saturation.
    Which may be fine for stuff aimed at little kids… but a lot of SW audience are no longer kids.
    And little kids don’t go around giving bad reviews and spreading word that it is akin to the disappointment in the cooking of the duck meat.

  • Like Icare

    Doubt it will be anything like that.
    People are still delusional about Jar Jar’s Treks and Cloverfield and LOST…

    My guess… the talk will now turn from accusations of racism and misogyny towards praising the “record breaking performances at the box office”, as it slides past the Jedi and starts moving slowly towards the Sith territory.
    Which I doubt it will reach by the time the DVD is out in May, together with teasers for Episode 8 and Rogue Squadron.

    At which point the reality distortion field will be back up and fully operational again and it will take either years for further decline – or catastrophically bad sequels.

    Which while it is quite possible from the maker of Godzilla and Monsters just may not be the case with the maker of Brick, Looper and Brothers Bloom.

  • Marvin Falz

    “And there is lot more to compare it to.”

    That’s exactly what I mean. Although TFA leans on Star Wars (1977) it doesn’t cause as much imagination and controversy. At least not in the parts of the internet I visit. Hell, even in this community the talk about TFA died down in less than a week. I also don’t think that fans will be as engaged with the movie to make fan edits in an attempt to save the movie (since it doesn’t need to be saved, but also because it has not as much impact.) Except maybe for the hardcore fans, the “bronies” among the TFA fans, who will write fan ficts and whatnot, nobody will care more than for any other average mainstream movie.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I’ve enjoyed it just fine and as I mentioned elsewhere, it did give me a creative boost, just as SW did when I was a child. Not to write a fanfiction, but to be excited about stories in general.

  • Marvin Falz

    Maybe my view is too narrow. I only compare the extent of discussions. For example the discussion about TFA after its release and after the release of the accompanying HitB was most intensive in a period of roughly 12 to 24 hours. The discussion about any of the prequels took years.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    I continue to talk about it, but I choose other places. Plus, we are not under SW vid and people still bring it up, in whatever fashion. Plus, if they at least manage to keep the quality (in my eyes) on this level during yearly releases, I’d say we are not loosing the discussion any time soon, really. It’s also just a movie.

  • tOmy`

    Great song, awful idea for Bond theme.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Did you like much any of the Craig ones?

  • Marvin Falz

    You mean the emotional attachment is weaker? For me at least. So far, most of the people I’ve heard anywhere are rather captivated with the movie and even fantasize about where the story is going – in good old Star Wars tradition.

  • tOmy`

    Skyfall is great (Adele was the perfect choice, hands down), Another Way To Die is fine by me – it is a decent middleground between Bond and White Stripes, although it is a bit messy and unfocused. Smith’s version was a bad idea altogether.

    No clue who should do the next one, maybe Gaga + Bennett.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Skyfall was OK, at least a throwback to sorta Shirley Bassey times, but other than that it all leaves me sorta cold. The next one should be done by Willie Nelson.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Emotional attachment would have to be, it just opened and is a start of a series. I was in a right place when watching it.

  • Marvin Falz

    I wonder if my motive for being hesitant to watch the movie is just that I don’t want to be sucked in too much, cause it’s time consuming and I starting to think that I should put more time in other endeavors.

    In either case, I have to go now. Later, Lukas.

  • LukasWormTheThird

    Laterz, Marv

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Sick Ms Paint skills brah.

  • You’re right. Passover is around April.

  • A friendly reminder: MANHOLEY NIGHT STARTS on SUNDAY the 27th of DECEMBER at 0:00 GMT.

  • bleurgh

    It requires an old-fashioned serious jazz diva type like Shirley Bassey with Goldfinger who I think Adele was channelling with her Bond song. Or an earnest rocker doing something really bombastic like Paul McCartney did with Live and Let Die who I think Chris Cornell was trying to copy, but didn’t do a remarkable job at copying. I actually like all of those bond songs. The worst for my money was Madonna hands down. A great Bond song is supposed to say something about what Bond is experiencing in the film. I can’t see any connection between the chorus to Sam Smiths song and Craigs Bond in Spectre. The Sam Smith song would have been better if they made it a duet and gave all the weird falsetto parts to a female singer.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Don’t forget to bring the lube!

  • If it was ELECTRIFIED it would have worked. The last part of the song does feel like a Bond song… only a really sleepy, boring one.

  • Hopefully I won’t forget to actually prepare the playlist while I’m laying drunk on the floor soaked in my urine…

  • LukasWormTheThird

    That’s only for the good boys and I have it on a good authority that you have been, so, so naughty.

  • bleurgh

    It’s the song that plays in the movie in which Bond decides he doesn’t want to be a spy anymore and kills himself.

  • Sounds about right.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Pm me the order on steam or smth and I’ll organize it.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • bleurgh

    If they go the top 40 popstar route I think Lana Del Rey could do something interesting.

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umDr0mPuyQc

    Thanks for killing my boner for the day.

  • tOmy`

    Good call.

  • tOmy`

    Show Me A Hero (HBO miniseries, Oscar Isaac)

    I sometimes imagine HBO like a magic box – you input healthy dose of social commentary, some established HBO actors and writers, attention to detail and understanding of issue at hand, shake the box a bit and a near-perfect dramatic series falls out. With refugee integration and black lives matter hashtag still being wet, the timing of this show couldn’t be more perfect; make sure to include Oscar Isaac into the fold and HBO will most likely walk away with couple of Emmys.

    Based on a true story, Show Me A Hero follows a political career of Nick Wasicsko and public housing / desegregation issue that was dividing city of Yonkers since late 80s (and was fully resolved only in 2007). The true stories of people involved with politics and citizens who got caught in the crossfire make up for an interesting and often hypnotizing look into racial segregation – and with The Wire’s writer at the helm, you know that it will get as detailed as possible, while still being able to put a lot of soul and art into the storytelling. Healthy dose of cynicism, heart-string pullers and heart-warming moments just help to underline the perfectionism of HBO miniseries and keep the quality as high as possible.

    Thankfully, Simon’s writing skills were enough to keep Haggis’ (Crash) obviousness in check, following the golden route of HBO: “Show, don’t tell. And if they don’t get it, they don’t get it.”

    Very solid 10/10.

  • tOmy`

    Yea, I think I said it here last time when we were talking about Bond theme songs: There is no way in hell Radiohead would pull it off.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    HBO fangirl.

  • tOmy`

    It just feels nice to see a good HBO show for a change.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    there’s a difference between “good” and 10/10 you git!