101 Wacky Kid Jokes WITH KIDS!!!

November 23, 20141,129 Comments

Rich Evans tells jokes to scared kids in a further attempt to analyze the humor of the book “101 wacky kid jokes”. Mike pretends to be a scientist while observing this awkward and painful process.


Filed in: Short Films

  • Oh lord, who let them near children?

  • NotRickBerman

    Still a better love story than Twilight.

  • NotRickBerman

    I understand these are the types of experiments Mengele started with.

  • Earth

    It’s good to see that the kids Plinkett “adopted” from parking lots are finally useful for something beyond just the Prequel Reviews.

  • “Aw, Christ, you brought the kid here too.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORWPCCzSgu0&feature=youtu.be&t=3m9s

  • JohnBigbooty

    Wow, real kids. Where did you stea…eh.. get them?

  • Parker Packard? Really, Jack? What an asshole, hahaha.

  • Tweedlefookindee

    Wait is that Jack’s son?

  • fred

    AAAuuuOOO- GOD…DARN IT!!

  • Earth

    Nice try Parker, but there’s no escape.

  • JohnBigbooty

    I was waiting for that younger one to start talking to his finger: “Remember what Mr.Hallorann said. It’s just like pictures in a book, Danny. It isn’t real.”

  • “Aw, oh, a little kid? Well, I’ll give it a shot, I guess.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABcXyZn9xjg&t=2m14s

  • RLMkeepitup

    Please have Rich dress up as Santa at a local mall so he can say ow my groin every time one of those punks sits on him. Thanks!

  • Lional punsalot

    oh god no

  • Kids today are spoiled and lazy. Nobody ever gave young Plinkett a cookie, he had to fight for it.

    http://media.giphy.com/media/CBjL0iPszpp84/giphy.gif

  • I believe the correct term is “Younglings”.

  • Lional punsalot

    they were constructed out of wood, string and toilet paper.

  • Lional punsalot

    Weren’t all of the younglings killed? and alien? and from a galaxy far away long long ago?

  • ModernDayMinstrel

    The second kid looks a lot like Jack.

  • They’re both Jack’s kids.

  • CaptNemo

    You accidentally edited out the point where the kid runs off saying “you can keep the 5 bucks I’ve had it.”

  • Kelsie

    Jack Packard…. named his kids Jackson… and Parker? Regardless, they are freaking adorable.

  • Lional punsalot

    no they didnt. that is quite clearly in there.

  • Jason

    Grandma Plinkett: “I’ll give you a cookie tomorrow”
    Harry: “THERE IS NO TOMORROW!”

  • Sébastien St-Pierre Robert

    If they are, why aren’t they both bald?

  • Steve

    It’s not as bad as his other two sons, Picard and Patrick. Or his daughter Jacqueline. Or his OTHER son, Packerd.

  • The mother. We haven’t seen her, but she probably has hair.

  • Steve

    Rogaine for boys, duh.

  • Kelsie

    *his daughter Jacksdaughter

  • Steve

    You’re right, that’s more cleverer.

  • NotRickBerman

    His name is Johnny. I adopted him….from the grocery store parking lot.

  • CaptNemo

    Nope. He just walks away.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That Parker kid is clearly on some higher level of thinking. I still have no idea what that elephant joke was about.

  • Steve

    When’s the next episode of 101 Wacky Kid Jokes? And when is the next episode of 101 Wacky Kid Jokes with Kids With Mike and Rich?

    I pay good money for these free videos. Get back to work you fucking hacks.

  • Sébastien St-Pierre Robert

    Here we go.

  • Steve

    I’m going to reply to myself because that seems appropriately douchey. But am I the only person in the world who thinks Jean Luc Packard would be the best name ever for one of Jack’s kids? Jack, get your team on this right away!

  • Flaw Filial

    What do you call it when you trip on the peel of an incredibly phallic banana?
    A Freudian slip.
    Why did the college student stay up all night watching lesbian porn instead of writing his essay?
    Because scissors beats paper.

  • jimmy

    *Titanic sinks*

  • phillipkslick

    Mike’s saying “It’s off the charts” reminded me of Ghostbusters.

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Was the first kid named Dale Jackson Jr.?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPVOgAqgstE

  • You bastards are going to ruin these childrens’ senses of humor forever! Stop your cruel experiments now! You can’t even properly use a Higgins-Dyson device!

  • Thanatos2k

    Cringe inducing line delivery by kids that are obviously children of the producers…..

  • CJ Lack

    The producers think we’re so stupid that we won’t know they’re Jack’s kids unless they’re bald too. It’s like if little Abe Lincoln had a top hat an

  • bassbait

    “try some of my sponge cake, dad” sounds very sexual. I’m going to have to report this video for child abuse. I was probably going to have to do that anyways.

  • picklebucket

    Poor Mike sure hasn’t aged well. What a stud he was.

  • Lional punsalot

    “now lets see what happens when we take the puppy away”

  • bassbait

    agreed. Make them the stars of RLM and fire these fack hrauds.

  • fred
  • WrongWithYourFace

    What a fraud! It’s supposed to be live but the time isn’t even changing!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    This is where all the missing children end up

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Lional punsalot

    ^more data for mike and rich’s experiment v

  • Grandpa Seth

    Wow RLM. Truly an all-time low. No control-group? No factoring for the variability of the comedic value inherent in each joke? How are we even supposed to extrapolate the meaning of these results without a clearly stated hypothesis?

    Not to mention the Higgs-Dyson device needs to be transmitting between 15,500 and 17,000 Hz or you could give the kids Chancroid. What is this, fucking amateur night at The Rusty Pearl?

  • Jason Ross

    Bill Cosbt or Michael Jackson reference or Bill Cosby Michael and Jackson steal kids to make a movie reference Michael Jackson Bill Cosbys puddin’ pop Higgins Dyson black reference. To make a reference here to Michael Jackson A. Peterson tree switch. Testing jokes with kids on lap insert Michael Jackson reference here.
    I’m going to insert a Michael Jackson reference. Here. Bill Cosbt or Michael Jackson reference or Bill Cosby Michael and
    Jackson steal kids to make a movie reference Michael Jackson Bill Cosbys
    puddin’ pop Higgins Dyson black reference. To make a reference here to
    Michael Jackson A. Peterson tree switch. Testing jokes with kids on lap
    insert Michael Jackson reference here.
    I’m going to insert a Michael Jackson reference. Here.Bill Cosbt or Michael Jackson reference or Bill Cosby Michael and
    Jackson steal kids to make a movie reference Michael Jackson Bill Cosbys
    puddin’ pop Higgins Dyson black reference. To make a reference here to
    Michael Jackson A. Peterson tree switch. Testing jokes with kids on lap
    insert Michael Jackson reference here.
    I’m going to insert a Michael Jackson reference. Here. Bill Cosbt or Michael Jackson reference or Bill Cosby Michael and
    Jackson steal kids to make a movie reference Michael Jackson Bill Cosbys
    puddin’ pop Higgins Dyson black reference. To make a reference here to
    Michael Jackson A. Peterson tree switch. Testing jokes with kids on lap
    insert Michael Jackson reference here.
    I’m going to insert a Michael Jackson reference. Here. Bill Cosbt or Michael Jackson reference or Bill Cosby Michael and
    Jackson steal kids to make a movie reference Michael Jackson Bill Cosbys
    puddin’ pop Higgins Dyson black reference. To make a reference here to
    Michael Jackson A. Peterson tree switch. Testing jokes with kids on lap
    insert Michael Jackson reference here.
    I’m going to insert a Michael Jackson reference. Here. Bill Cosbt or Michael Jackson reference or Bill Cosby Michael and
    Jackson steal kids to make a movie reference Michael Jackson Bill Cosbys
    puddin’ pop Higgins Dyson black reference. To make a reference here to
    Michael Jackson A. Peterson tree switch. Testing jokes with kids on lap
    insert Michael Jackson reference here.
    I’m going to insert a Michael Jackson reference. Here. Bill Cosbt or Michael Jackson reference or Bill Cosby Michael and
    Jackson steal kids to make a movie reference Michael Jackson Bill Cosbys
    puddin’ pop Higgins Dyson black reference. To make a reference here to
    Michael Jackson A. Peterson tree switch. Testing jokes with kids on lap
    insert Michael Jackson reference here.
    I’m going to insert a Michael Jackson reference. Here.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I’m better with children more than Rich and Mike

    http://youtu.be/qUcMohewjvI

  • Guest

    You guys! I found my instruction book from my old Higgins-Dyson. Maybe you lost yours and didn’t know the proper safety precautions!

  • Lat

    ISMAY YOU FUCKED MY GRANDMOTHER!!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Thank you, that’ll be all.

  • Guest

    Didn’t mean to post it three times. Apologies. Please delete them admin! Oh well, safety needs repeating!!! Plus I kept hitting post like an old lady clicking ‘ok’ on the all those annoying pop-ups. Oh the shame.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Fantastic idea reminding us that three times. Hey did you also know that Samurai Cop is alive?!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I take it these kids like Supergirl because they grew up on a farm

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Did that kid ever get his Lego Batman with Wings?

  • faraday

    “ANAKIN”

  • DarthRandal

    I think the younger kid started developing the first stages of Stockholm syndrome at the tail end of the video.

  • Lional punsalot

    I am pretty sure the older kid was laughing at rich and mike and not the jokes being told.

  • Guest

    Right? I saw him in this upcoming Plinkett comic…..

  • Flaw Filial

    Wait, you assholes involved actual KIDS in a reading of Wacky Kids’ Jokes?
    I can’t abide. RLM has gone too far.
    I’m flagging this video as “Unforgivable.”

  • phillipkslick

    And you reminded me of Ghostbusters 2. Damn you, Lional

  • Robby

    Nobody likes little kids. Especially ones who can’t act.

  • Markham

    Really nice try guys, but your The Best of the Worst Babies spin-off isn’t going to work. I mean, just who do you think you are, Jim Henson?

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • Palpatine

    Jackson reminds me of Mike, while Parker reminds me of Rich.

  • Jean-François Martel

    I am fairly certain this constitutes child abuse.

  • Palpatine
  • Spaxspore

    “Give me that Cookie Granny!”

    “I WILL NOT!”

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Looks like the little kid is auditioning for Pan’s Labyrinth.

  • Palpatine

    I think Parker inherited his dad’s laugh.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    He’s a person and his name is Jackson.

    http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsL/20400-23933.jpg

  • Palpatine

    Maybe he should have tried spinning, that’s a good trick.

  • Jean-François Martel

    We can’t all look like Rich Evans can we?

  • Palpatine

    While I was a better Emperor than you! And I was in power longer as well.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I didn’t build a Death Star and killed countless innocences

  • Palpatine

    Well at least I didn’t kill my own father to become Emperor, I worked hard to get that position!

  • DanceOfBirther

    This is the second greatest gif there ever was or will be.

  • Flaw Filial

    You may have thought that the kids were the main characters of this video, but you’re wrong. The jokes that took place in this video were outside of the kids’ control or understanding.

  • Lional punsalot

    This thread has made me so happy..

  • My ex wife

    I think you ment lesbionic porn.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    It’s nothing but Star Trek: The … Star Trek references.

  • Alex

    The Wolfman is strong in this one.

  • Flaw Filial

    Lesbionic porn is SUBTLE!

  • Sam

    Something something cell phones something something kids these days something

  • Real Quantum

    This is a kiss of death to your videos.
    So says Plinkett’s Encyclopedia.

  • Alex
  • Alex Lee

    I tend to imagine Jack’s wife as a female version of Jack.

  • pete smith

    I would have been as terrified of Rich as that younger kid around his age lol

  • Lional punsalot

    Apparently I am a man of simple pleasures.

  • TheZaius

    Man, that Jackson was just NOT playing ball.

  • Wow guys. So much funnier than your typical bullshit, which of you wrote the book?

  • fred

    I’m fairly certain this post constitutes retardation.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    You killed innocent people in order to become Emperor. I only killed one.

  • Rich is scary

  • NotRickBerman

    What the hell have you been smoking? Cigarettes?

  • Palpatine

    Whoa…

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I did it better job than yours. By the way who was going to be your heir? Was it going to be Vader? Isn’t he a pussy seeing how whines about Panda Bear or whatever her name is?

  • Palpatine
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh god. I’m having Attack of The Clones flashbacks!

  • Palpatine

    I didn’t need an heir since the dark side allowed me to live forever. And Lord Vader only whined about Padme for the few weeks he was inside the suit. God that was such torture.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Sort of like how the Sith Emperor lived for thousands of years in the Old Republic Era.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Too soon?

  • Palpatine

    Wait, there was an Emperor who was a Sith before me?

  • Booger

    I feel bad for laughing at the Swiss cheese joke but so did Mike.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah he was the Emperor of the Sith Empire. He corrupted Revan and Malak, created multiple wars, and waited for over 300 years to build his army to attack the republic. You’re a pussy compared to him.

    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sith_Emperor

  • Sully

    I’m surprised he didn’t ask Rich if he’s an “angel.” I’ve heard the deep space pilots talk about them.

  • Palpatine

    They live on the moons of Iego, I think. They’re the most beautiful creatures in the universe.

  • Sully

    They were paid with cookies and time with Rich Evans. In some cultures this is considered Paradise.

  • Sully

    You did kill your own master. That’s basically the same thing.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    You’re only good with children when you want to fuck their mother. Gotta keep it in the family!

  • Sully

    At least they didn’t do the “What’s the difference between Peanut Butter and Jam?” joke.

  • Sully

    Jackson was more engaging than those little youngling shits.

  • What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?

  • Sully

    I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass.

  • Ooooh you’re terrible.

  • Palpatine

    It’s a good thing the only kid who talked in Episode III died, those were positive changes.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    “I will, mister!”

  • Eric Moreland

    I thought Mike was a registered sex offender? Am I going to jail for watching this?

  • fred

    So’s my dick.

  • Jean-François Martel

    But do the cookies really make up for the “jokes”?

  • Jean-François Martel

    The hell’s your problem?

  • Noah R.

    Cynical bastard! Maybe you should stop being so manipulative and indirectly killing children.

  • Sully

    No, but time with Evans Almighty does.

  • Noah R.

    You will suffer eternal punishment for your lack of faith in our saviour!

  • Noah R.

    Well, I found a GIF that pretty much sums up this video!

    http://meme-lol.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Funny-GIFS.gif

  • Ogrot

    The Higgins Dyson Machine wasn’t plugged in you dumb fat fat fucks. Its pure uselissiness. Look Walt Disney’s frozen brain. Like battryless remote.

    Don’t conduct a psycho-linguistic thought experiment using quantum field intrinsic detecion equipment. Uninstall it you stupid twats. Dont dont about things you dont understand. Do you know lessons of life? Conduct exparimants on things you do understand. Else you get cancel.

  • bb-15

    Funny imo? No.
    A suggestion; in the future RLM, don’t mess with kids making them uncomfortable.

  • mmp

    Are you serious?

  • sepiajack

    I had forgotten 101 kid’s jokes on RLM was a thing. And I am thrilled to be reminded!

  • sepiajack

    me too, and me too

  • Ogrot

    I agree I think it’s horrible that one kid was giggling his head off at what was happening while the other was just bored. I just called child protective services to put a stop to this maliciousness. I bet they just plucked them from some poor women’s grocery cart or bought them from a stage mom. I’m sure they aren’t relatives of anyone they know.

  • mmp

    PLOT HOLE!

    There you go, two overused jokes in one day.

  • Sully
  • Sully
  • Ogrot

    At least they didn’t do the ten foot snake joke… Ohhh.

  • Steve

    When’s the next episode of Rich Evans Taunts Children with Cookies?

  • eateateat

    Who were those kids? Mike’s illegitimate children?

  • Jean-François Martel

    That is true… the power of Rich Evans is limitless, it heals all wounds

  • Palpatine

    They’re Jack’s kids. Although Jackson kind of reminds me of Mike.

  • Walter Mitty

    Hm, where have I seen this child before? Must be around christmas .. (picture / refresh)

  • Noah R.

    He adopted them… from a grocery store parking lot.

  • Vengeful Eagle

    Neither of them were sexy little black kids like Jesus, so the courts allowed it.

  • Palpatine

    I searched Higgins-Dyson machine on Google and got nothing. Is it a real thing?

  • Ogrot

    No it’s just an old tv antenna. ;p

  • Ogrot

    That kid thought the Desolation of Smoog was the bestest movie because it had lava in it.

  • “I don’t want to wisten to it.”–Jack Packard’s progeny

  • Hack fraudery. I mean, RLM didn’t even give a shout-out to Mystery Science Theater 3000, which was the first bad-movie show in which the hosts pretended to be scientists doing crazy experiments.

  • Palpatine

    They ripped off MST3K again?! Unsubscribe!

  • Noah R.

    If you want to unsubscribe from this webzone I’m afraid we must perform the unspeakable acts! A call to arms brothers! Percy, grab the lube.

  • Palpatine

    So be it, Wookiee.

  • Noah R.
  • Palpatine

    Fine, you win this round. But…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb00H6mCTM8#t=1m23s

  • Noah R.

    I’ll never forget starring in that video. Really- it was just my gateway into the pornography scene… My films will be out soon in selected star systems!

  • Not even the worst of their sins…can you believe they still have not reviewed Laser Mission?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Sean Scott

    So is this the real Rich Evans Facebook? If so, how come he only has 61 friends?!
    https://www.facebook.com/rich.evans.1804?fref=ts

  • ikdks

    I haven’t seen such a questionable use of child actors since El Topo. (I just learned that reference).

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Josh is there with a net to scoop him up.

  • RLMkeepitup

    No idea. Maybe he doesn’t want to read what 200 people ate for breakfast?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Wizard Phoenix

    They are two of Richard Edlund’s 14,000 illegitimate sons.

  • Jackson is just laughing at Rich. Tests are inconclusive.

  • mister man

    Who would look at Rich Evans and think it’s OK to leave small children within 8 feet of him.

  • mister man

    The Elephant joke was actually kind of funny.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hold the phone on the kid crap! We’ve got some nostalgic Spielberg shit!

    http://youtu.be/bvu-zlR5A8Q

  • Sully
  • Sully

    I wanna see the test where kids are roped to chairs while Rich laughs for 30mins straight.

  • Palpatine
  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hard to believe that a 15 second teaser can be so moving and effective on people. The lack of Goldblum is awful though.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Popo Bawa

    Not allowed, unless you brought Crunchy Style!

  • Sully

    A 15 second teaser of a teaser at that.

    I’m am intrigued by this movie though. It seems they’re trying to regain that wonder that was lost in the sequels. I just hope it isn’t full of abnormally long slapstick sequences like the RV sequence in Lost World or the goofy characters in part 3.

  • Palpatine

    They spared no expense with the trailer.

  • Sully
  • Palpatine
  • Wizard Phoenix

    I hope they don’t have a scene similiar to that cringe inducing scene from the second film with the fucking gymnastics girl. Man, that scene is just the worst thing Spielberg ever shot.

  • Palpatine

    Let’s also hope it doesn’t kill of the T-Rex and replace it with some unmemorable dinosaur like 3 did.

  • Palpatine

    Even worse than the scene in “Indiana Jones and the Mystery of Why the Movie Didn’t Work” when Mutt was swinging with the monkeys?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It could be. There on the same level of badness.

  • Sully

    I didn’t mind the spinosaurus sequence. There were bigger and badder dinos than the T-Rex. What I didn’t like was that the films focused mostly on the raptors. They were a novelty in the first film; most of the public didn’t know much about them, but by film three I really wanted to see some newer shit.
    Allosaurus would’ve been a great addition to the franchise. They’re nearly as big as a T-Rex and they, like Raptors, also hunted in packs. It’d be cool as hell to see a group of them taking down a brontosaurus or pack hunting some people.

  • Palpatine

    I totally agree with you. From what I’ve read they’re going to have some new dinosaurs in there. But the raptors and T-Rex will still be in there so people can be reminded that they’re watching a Jurassic Park film. They’re the most iconic dinosaurs from the film, and without them, people will dismiss the new one as a generic dinosaur movie.

  • Sully

    Fuck people. What about the fans?
    And the fans want new shit.

  • Steve

    At least we have the Plinkett review of this “””film””” to look forward to.

  • Steve

    You’ll notice that there is constant adult supervision (Mike and Unnamed-Mysterious-Camera-Operator). And a consistent, probably court-designated, 4-foot gap maintained at all times.

  • Sully

    This is one film I’m not prepared to knock until it’s been confirmed “bad.”

  • Palpatine

    The fans? They’ll do a good job keeping the theater cool. But seriously, I’m sure the film makers will do their best to please them as well.

  • Palpatine

    Hopefully it won’t jump the T-Rex like Jay’s flop predictor app on his iPad said.

  • Sully

    Has anyone seen anything from this new Director other than Safety Not Guaranteed? Everything he’s done seems comedy related, which is a red flag, but I’m still going to give it the benefit of the doubt… at least until Thursday, when the full trailer hits the web.

  • Rene Belloq 12 inch Figure

    well, I thought the jokes were funny.

  • Palpatine

    We’re you laughing when your head exploded after you looked into the Ark of the Covenant?

  • Palpatine

    Steven Spielberg and Frank Marshall are producing, so I guess that’s a good sign.

  • Palpatine
  • Noah R.

    I was…. well, I was laughing at how convincing the explosion was 😉

  • Palpatine

    Eh, the head exploding wasn’t as convincing as Dietrich’s head shrinking.

  • Ragged Gypsy

    Jack’s a guy? I always thought he was that chick from Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Yeoman Janice Rand.

  • Ragged Gypsy

    FAAAAAAAAATHHHEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!

  • Robby

    C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

  • DanceOfBirther

    Don’t worry, I’m sending two copies next week as part of my largest dump to date.

  • David Axelord

    I have a feeling they adopted these children from a grocery store parking lot.

  • Palpatine

    A future episode of HitB should star Parker and Jackson. Maybe they can review “Strange Magic”. Can you picture how that’ll go down?

  • Palpatine

    While your on that, send them another copy of “Nukie”. They could sure use it!

  • Think you could make sure they’ve got a copy of “The Stuff” and “Cybernator” while you’re feeling so awesome?

  • dislike!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i died of stupid. but i’m back now… like most things it was all about reading a good book.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    stop picking on dr who…. oh, wait…..

  • Anthony D.

    Hey, don’t forget James Gunn, Joss Whedon, and the Russo brothers. All of them started out small-time doing indie films and tv, then went on to deliver three amazing, big-budget action flicks. And Safety Not Guaranteed is a really good film. So yeah, we’ll see on Thursday.

  • Comatose

    These look like Jack’s brats. Why did he let them anywhere near you hack frauds?

  • Sean Scott

    You’d think he’d have hundreds and hundreds of “fan friends.” Shoot, if I weren’t on the fence about whether it was actually his profile and I respected his privacy a little less I’d send him a friend’s request, Rich is my favorite part of RLM 🙂

  • Palpatine

    So you didn’t die of crocodile brain cancel?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i did say that? sorry i dont know the medical name of it Dr Palpatine.

  • Best part of those movies by the way.

  • Palpatine

    Yeah, crocodile brain cancel is one the rarest, if not the rarest diseases known to mankind. You can only get from being bit in the head by a crocodile who has cancel.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    is the cure watching RLM?

  • Palpatine

    Yes. Or you can uninstall it.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i tried to uninstall my twat but it made me a twot.

  • Palpatine

    The only person who can uninstall it is Dr. Soku Mobutu from Uganda. He’s the only doctor in the world who knows how to treat it.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    this experiment is so Milgram. just electrocute the kids! have some mercy!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    yeah i did die. but lucasfartsdiminished effectlional hurtz. read the passages from a book i found(I took ages writing.)

    kalta verata necktie. and i’m allI’LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!!!
    i mean alright…. i think…..

    http://youtu.be/VJBwB2g1tyQ

    shop smart…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    as your from a galaxy far away i feel obliged to tell you a twat is a vagina or a stupid person. a twot is a vagina, or a stupid cunt!

  • Palpatine

    I knew that. In my galaxy, people insult eachother by calling others “pieces of sith”.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you are the best Sith i ever had.!

  • tOmy`

    Yay! Rich Evans offering cookies to kids. My life is complete now.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Guardians of the Galaxy 2 already?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • WrongWithYourFace

    But why is the ‘L’ not capitalized?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Yes.

  • Palpatine

    That’s an uppercase i.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Shush.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    any HACK Freud can sew up a vulva. only Rich Evans can make a virgin.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i make things…

  • Lional punsalot

    welcome home.

  • Lional punsalot

    Oh it was supposed to be “i swallow your soul”….erm i may have exchanged the last word for something else….

  • Chris Korhonen

    Why would you post video evidence of Rich Evans breaking his court mandated “Stay at least 75 yards away from small children” restraining order? Not smart guys.

  • Stardog Champion

    *cough*Indiana Jones Kingdom of Crystal Skulls*cough*

  • JAGUART

    Shortly thereafter….

  • Palpatine
  • Palpatine

    I think a lot of the dumb choices in that film can be placed on George.

  • ikdks

    The Stuff is a great movie. It has no business being mistied.

  • It’s entertaining…

  • ikdks

    Its a witty satire of modern consumerism, with a blob.

  • Uncle Sporkums

    I adopted him.. From a grocery store parking lot..

  • Uncle Sporkums

    Exactly. What are these guys smoking? Cigarettes?

  • Yeah, it’s alright. It’s kinda stupid though.

  • ikdks

    I was in a theater recently, and a trailer for Dumb and Dumber To came on, and a teenager behind me said “That looks dumb.” and I wanted to smack the shit out of him.

    Yes, the movie is about dumb people, you might have gotten a hint of that from the title.

    It’s like saying Beavis and Butthead is dumb. No, Beavis and Butthead ARE dumb, the show itself is pretty clever.

    The Stuff is a satire. It’s a comment on how dumb people are as consumers and how we are manipulated by the food industry and marketing. The characters and the movie’s universe are dumb, but the movie is clever in making them so dumb. Its like a reducto ad absurdum.

    Then again I haven’t seen it in twenty years. I maybe remembering it better than it was.

  • Yeah, you might be…It’s a fun movie, and there’s nothing at all wrong with the films underlying ideology, and frankly despite the message being handled a little well, heavy handily and the clunky clunky clunky dialog, and the hammy acting, and the scars being few and poorly executed and the editing being kinda shit, there’s not a whole lot to make fun of about the film. I don’t really think it’d fit with botw. I was just throwing stuff up and hoping for something to stick…

  • Bhazor

    Just like a normal episode. But with far more dick jokes.

  • Palpatine
  • Bhazor

    Rich Evans recounts his harrowing ordeal at the hands of Jackson “The Bully Rammer” Higson.

  • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

    Is this a trilogy now? Does it mean that prequels with cartoon rabbits and politics in them are to come?

  • Lional punsalot

    Ok that does it, im getting myself put in a medically induced coma until the review for that film is done in a year or twos time.

  • Palpatine

    I was bored so I made this in MS-Paint in about five minutes. By the way, Wizard Phoenix, were you jealous that your brother was in this, while you were off starring in “SpaceCamp”?

  • RLMkeepitup

    The thought crossed my mind as well but there is something to be said for just having family and close friends on there. I’ve seen him comment on this site after pre-rec posts so I’m sure he’s seen the fan love.

  • Palpatine

    Sadly yes. But hey, maybe I’ll be in them this time!

  • Palpatine

    This RLM Breaking News! Famed actor and comedian Rich Evans was last scene taking little Jackson Packard from a shopping cart in the parking lot of a grocery store. We’ll continue to talk about this breaking story whenever we feel like it. In unrelated news, Harry S. Plinkett has still given no word on what his next review will be on, but was quoted as saying; “What the f**k are you a**h*** reporters doing on my lawn?! Get the hell off!”. Meanwhile the RLM crew’s collection of the infamous film “Nukie” continues to grow. RLM reviewer Jay Bauman has stated that the group will tackle the infamous film once they get a few more copies. And now a word from our sponsor, Totino’s Pizza Rolls!

  • shuura84

    Still a better performance than Jake Lloyd’s

  • The Ghost

    No kids. It’s a kiss of death for your short internet video.

  • Duckler

    Kids Jokes With Kids is just out to get my attention, right?

  • Punkster

    I wanted to leave a comment but have no imagination to think up something witty, so I typed this instead.
    I know it sucks, I apologise to all those now reading this, but in my defence I am recovering from some type of flu that I contracted through a dodgy beer.
    Maybe I will have something worth reading tomorrow, just don’t pin all your hopes on it actually happening.
    Have a nice day RLM’ers.

  • JsironStories

    That movie shits the bed once it decides to stop being interesting in favor of forcing an unearned love story down our throats.

  • Hey Spooky. Haven’t seen you around much!

  • Dear Santa, for Christmas I wan’t to go home.

    http://dvdmedia.ign.com/dvd/image/JINGLE-2_1102622100.jpg

  • Brian McGrath

    People let their children around Rich Evans?

  • Captain Turbo

    Oh, I thought the little kid’s name was Johnny and Rich adopted him from a grocery store parking lot.

  • Robby

    Packerd killed me. Well played, sir.

  • Captain Turbo

    Dodgy beer flu? I think you can cure that with a fine Belgian ale.

  • Robby

    This video didn’t start out like most kids movies do — with a trip to a graveyard!

  • Kirke

    You’re implying that Rich obtained these kids legitimately! Ha!

  • Robby

    So instead of getting her metrosexual sons a haircut, and slapping them across the face, the mom agrees to let her kids star in a video from the same production company that also produces Internet reviews from a misogynistic serial rapist and murderer.

  • nebakhet

    well that isn’t true, I can think of a half dozen kids movies off the top of my head and none of them even feature a graveyard

  • Crixxxx

    Way to f*** up the eggs joke, Rich..

  • Charon

    Is this the actual footage?

  • DanceOfBirther

    I will if I ever see it in a store. I only hunt for videos in the wild (I.e. thrift stores, used book stores etc.)

  • DanceOfBirther

    I’ll keep an eye out. Like I said regarding Nukie, I only get videos at physical stores because finding this crap is half the fun.

  • Guest

    Children do not belong in this environment…

  • David Lee Fuhrmaneck

    Bring your scared child to the Red Letter Media studio and exchange them for your own personal copy of Nukie!!!

  • Well done. That’s the line I was trying to remember. I found a couple of the other lines about kids from the Plinkett reviews, but I would have lost in the Final Jeopardy round of RLM Jeopardy!

  • My ex wife

    How else can they be anointed by the holy one?

  • My ex wife

    I wish I’d thought of that! Good one.

  • Fartastic

    Coriskant?

  • My ex wife

    But that whole film was awful so you dont notice it as much.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Is… is it my birthday?? Another bad joke video? WEEEEEE~! 😀

  • My ex wife

    Can he also do a spot on kermit the frog impression?

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    So if he’s Jack’s son, does that make this kid a Packlet? *blows on end of phaser*

    (I reached really hard for this one.)

  • My ex wife

    Packling?

  • I just sent RLM a box of turkeys for Thanksgiving–cinematic turkeys, that is.

  • fridoodly

    Parker is related to the bald one, right?

  • fridoodly

    Yeah, but can you think how much more fun The Bicycle Thieves or The Grave of the Fireflies would have been with hunted graveyard or mansion intro?

  • DanceOfBirther

    I love trying to read the titles of the videos. Here are my favorites:
    The Sasquatch Gang
    What Up?
    Challenge of the Lady Ninja
    Ninja Nightmare
    Surf Ninja
    Shapeless Shapes
    So you wanna be a gambler!
    KarateCop
    Da Hip Hop Witch
    Stripteaser 2
    Boulder DAZE
    Black Brigade
    Screaming Ninja
    Gang Signs
    Prevent Child Drowning Now
    I Accidentally Domed Your Son
    Holyman Undercover
    The Fuccons
    Let’s Get GROWING
    The KID with X-RAY EYES
    The Sniggar Friggar Show! Vol.4
    Radon with Ira Flatow
    The Wizard of Gore
    Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid!!

    Also, if you’re wondering if Megaforce is the Beta tape I sent them, no, no it is not.

  • fridoodly

    YIPPEEEE!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Most of us think they’re both related to the bald one. Poor things.

  • DanceOfBirther

    Indeed, it’s well known that bald men use children as slave labor.

  • DanceOfBirther

    Pakled. She’s like doing a thing.

  • fridoodly

    Why is the bald one bald again? Some kind of skin disease?

  • Palpatine

    And they’re good at making weird escapes:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuh8nrhAqhQ

  • Palpatine

    Master Qui-Gon, sir, I’ve been wondering, what are midi-chlorians?

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    I’m surprised no one has thought of it before, and “Stand By Me” is one of my favorite movies. I’ll make more shitty looking posters if anyone on here is crazy enough to request one.

  • Palpatine

    What about in “Last Crusade” where he played young Indy who had an 80’s looking haircut?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Try this one only with our faces on it

    http://clzimages.com/movie/large/68/68_54240_0_SpaceCamp.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    “Excuse me, miss, I remember a book from college about mystical symbols and runes.”

  • Marvin

    I had that fucking book when I was a kid!!! It was so dumb!!!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did you die the same way my brother did?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Jack’s bald because he was meant to look like Moby.

  • RLMkeepitup

    This is a thorough list. I approve!

  • fridoodly

    Surely if we’re looking for a insane bleached whale, we need look no further than Mr. R. Evans?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Nah. What you need is Rescue Whale!

    http://youtu.be/mk6S-3Edw1I?t=21s

  • DanceOfBirther

    It reminds me of pouring over Where’s Waldo? when I was I kid. I loved looking for all the funny vignettes and finding Waldo was just a bonus. In this case, my own tapes are Waldo.

  • DanceOfBirther

    He goes from standing to prone in the space of a single cut! Michael Khan is such a hack fraud!

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Who IS Ken Jennings?!

  • DanceOfBirther

    Dressing up as Santa Claus and picking up children in your van isn’t legitimate?

  • NicholasRibcage

    It was already fucked up.

  • NicholasRibcage

    10/10 would read again.

  • Guest

    Go work on a new plinkett review, you goddamn hack frauds

  • Palpatine

    I think he died after losing the will to live.

  • Palpatine

    Where the hell is Jinx the robot?!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I was just wondering. Space Camp would be an excellent Best of The Worst movie. @percygryce2:disqus get on it.

  • Robby

    I was referencing the Plinkett review of Cop Dog, in which Mr. Plinkett sarcastically enumerates that it starts off like most other normal kids movies — with a trip to a graveyard!

  • Palpatine

    Kate Capshaw from “Temple of Doom” is in it. So that should make enjoyable.

  • Joe

    I know, when I heard this I got very worried for the children.

    They did a good job not slipping up, but Rich almost said “God Dammit”.

    Still the video made me worried for those poor children. Like they would end the episode by bringing out the showbiz pizza bear and traumatizing them for life.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It also Dallas from Alien!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    No! He was alive! I felt it!

  • Lional punsalot

    The lack of comments and new videos leaves me no choice but to find a hobby, currently im thinking of either masturbation or stamp collecting.

    Suggestions not welcome but feel free anyway.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Arg, owned by a spelling error… Also, that ruins my joke.
    Let’s just forget this ever happened. 😛

  • disqus_1dQzKD1n4Z

    masturbation is less messy.

  • And not one of them is mine. Hmm.

  • You want to be nothing if not a good speller.

  • I don’t do requests–except from Rich Evans.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Pretend I’m Rich Evans.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    am i the only one that thinks that this would have been kinder to der kinda?

    http://youtu.be/fn7-JZq0Yxs

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    make prop guns and swords. thats my hobby.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    this universe is an alternate to the harry potter universe. in this universe harry and voldamort agreed to share a body and forget magic, for their true love… low budget film production.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Rich is Love. Rich is Life.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its the microscopic infection that started the gangrene that killed george lucas starwars.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    this is my favorite song about your brother.

    http://youtu.be/sJGvmBiNiDY

    What? Too soon?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    and yet old indy wont die…..

    http://youtu.be/4bwep_FFRwY

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    or a dalek… i’m making a dalek.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    or you could nit pick Sfx shots…. WHY IS THIS SPLOSION NOT DAMAGING THE CAR!!!!!!! FUCK YOU APScorp!!!!!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    wait! why is that pillow there?!!! we need it in a nazi uniform NOW!!!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i dont know the specifics of your… i mean his death. did youhe hack a facebook account and geofuck a troll?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its the nuclear option…. but….

    http://youtu.be/NFkryh6hC-k

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    or you could buy a 25 year old car and making it fully sick mate!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    not the way i do it….

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Do you think they’ll be able to sit through them the second time?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    moby wishes he looked like Jack.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    given your to scared to use your real name or photo all you comments on the topic are BULLSHIT!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its the Yeast infection that crawled up george lucases vagina and gave his brain cancel!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its really small frogs…..

  • Thanatos2k

    What the hell kind of skyscraper has windows that can open?

  • Thanatos2k

    A trailer for the trailer. For fuck’s sake.

  • Guest

    hello guest?

  • Palpatine

    I guess being able to teleport is one of Mola Ram’s powers along with being able to rip out people’s hearts.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    not sure how you died. i mean he. i was stupid and geofucked a troll. they dont like it when you know where they live.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i think i died again…

  • Palpatine

    “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Rich Evans belongs to them.” – Gospel of Mike 18:16.

    I may have gone too far in a few a places with that comment.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    is he a sith?

  • Sully

    The best kind.

  • Sully

    Shock therapy is always preferable. I’m surprised I didn’t think of this. Good call, Dead Andrew.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t152CB9-T3U

  • Sully

    Try both, just don’t get them mixed up. Stamps can chafe.

  • Palpatine

    No, but he is these things:

  • Palpatine

    That looks Rich if he had an even worse allergic reaction to a cat.

  • Palpatine

    Cut! Let’s try it again.

  • Vadim van den Donk

    Tell me, how do you collect stamps?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    slowly and with lots of lube…. wait? what are we talking about?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    arnt we all?

  • Palpatine

    Well since kids don’t find the joke book for kids funny, maybe they should try telling them to the elderly.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you would know… it was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away….

  • Sully

    How old are you, Palpy? One… two centuries at least? Let’s try this out.

    What’s blue and smells like red paint?









    Blue Paint.

  • Palpatine

    I’m 120 years old to be exact. And no offence, but that joke made slightly less smile. That book should be renamed “Non-Medy for Kids”.

  • Palpatine

    That whole “long time ago” thing was something that the studios made up to cover the face that the events of the original trilogy were taking place at the same time the films released. Although the events of “Jedi” really took place in 1981.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    hey palpy? did you know about the accuracy problems of the E-11?

  • Palpatine

    But I was there man!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    thats what i was asking. so you admit it was a cash for arms scam?.

  • Pulp

    Now I know how autism feels…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    fuck all nazi pillows!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    stop reading my comments!

  • Lional punsalot

    Have you been reading some of my dr who posts? there is a long one on the zelda thread i think, pretty far down. Wanted to know what another who fan thought of my theories.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    must find them…. later. 1 am. sleep now.

  • Guest

    Helloooooooo, Guest!

  • Lional punsalot

    dr maccoy, like i said i didn’t pay enough attention as a child, he isn’t relatable to children i think? but coming back to it later I loved his interpretation and hated the lack of budget he had to work with and the hate the bbc had for doctor who by that point.

    But the story where he meets the female timelord is one of my favorite who stories now.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    the rani?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    this is a better love story than twilight.

    http://youtu.be/rMHTo4sAYKA

  • Now I Get It

    *Argh

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    kevin kline is right… KotoR beats paper, rock and scissors.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Rich is love.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    eeeew!!! crack is better for you.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Et tu, NIGIehhh?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Rich is way cool.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Lional punsalot

    That sounds right. haven’t watched it for a while but I loved how they played off against each other and it showed the doctors manipulative side.

  • Weebl and Bob? Had no idea they were still in business. Cool!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    all part of the cartmel master plan. i have one of the few copies of Lungburrow. (Cue boss nass shouting nerd.. oh wait its worth $200? fuck all yall)

  • Sully

    That was a kid’s joke. Let’s try a legitimate “bad joke.”

    What’s red, has eight legs, and eats rocks?

    A red, eight legged, rock eater.

    https://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5xc8xG18V1rr7p1zo1_400.gif

  • MonkeyKing1969
  • Palpatine
  • Let’s pretend it’s the masculin word for Pakleds. After all Rick Berman got to write/produce four Star Trek movies. So, no joke was ruined here.

  • Sully

    So what you’re saying is, Jackson is a 120 year old Sith Lord?

    [Not to be confused with: Samuel L Jackson saying “Palpatine is a… Sith… Lord?” from Episode 3.]

  • Palpatine

    He is. He became a Sith when he was little kid, and he used his Sith powers to stop from aging.

  • Sully

    If you’re going to hire Samuel L. Jackson to be in your movie, then FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET HIM DO WHAT HE DOES BEST!!!

    This is how Mace Windu should’ve responded when he discovered a Sith had infiltrated the Senate.

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/wtfita1.gif

  • Sully
  • Hank_Henshaw

    Jack and Rich were on The Simpsons? Somehow I’m not surprised.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Oh mom such a strange planet. Come visit the cellulite fields developed from years of caloric impacts. Climb the stretch mark ridges created from expansion of the crust. Whether it’s the views up of Mons Pons or the view down the bottomless belly crater, Mom always delivers. The pull of her black hole is inescapable but you will feel no pain, as it accommodates ships of all sizes since 1969.

  • troof

    who wrote this book? bob jovi?

  • Sully

    “…expansion of the crust.”

    http://i.imgur.com/4lkh9.gif

  • Well done. What a show, also educational. A+

  • Now I Get It

    Adapted from every birthday card I’ve ever received. I guess the $5 that usually comes with it was lost in the post.

    P.S. Push fluids.

  • Mark Bisone

    This is the greatest short film since Buñuel’s “The Andalusian Dog”.

    That reminds me: Jay, when you’re done editing RLM’s 16,000 other projects, please do a Quick Cuts on “Too Many Cooks.”

  • RLMkeepitup

    Too Many Cooks reminded me of this webzone as well.

  • Real Quantum

    Hey Boss.
    🙂

    Well, life gets in the way, you know.
    Work, highway chases, court dates….
    It’s been a blur.

    Anyway, thanks for saying hi – I tip my hat to you in response, Sir, and hope everything’s ok.

  • Now I Get It
  • Lional punsalot

    whats wrong with his face?

  • Lional punsalot

    Good parenting 101 in my book. Imagine being that kid all grown up and being a part of something as awesome as RLM. I would give my left testicle for that opportunity.

  • Lional punsalot

    There is also an argument for not having a Facebook account at all anymore.

  • Lional punsalot

    All of them on wall street?

  • Brian Levine

    Dang, the kid even has Rich’s thinning hair.

  • Now I Get It

    I am nothing if not nigGLiNG…or whatever Percy said.

  • Lional punsalot

    I felt so bad for mike when he did that, the reaction was just..heartrending.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Mmmmmm, slow-burn GIF.

  • Lional punsalot

    It was recovered from the wreck of the titanic about 5 years ago, it was in a sealed container beneath several layers of dead bodies.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    You shouldn’t feel autists. We don’t like it. -_-

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    Oh btw, thanks for voting up my random SingStar post! 🙂
    I appreciate the support. (pfff)

  • Now I Get It

    Yes, well, I can’t tell a PS3 from an IBM PS/2, but I do recognise first rate complaining when I read it, so, there you go.

  • Lional punsalot

    Q: Whats the difference between and apple and an orange?
    A: Everything

    *watches tumbleweed go by

  • Palpatine

    My dumbass troops couldn’t aim those things properly! No wonder we lost to a bunch of midget bears.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Not people. Jack.

    Just kidding. I’m a big fan, Jack!

  • Sully

    Why is an elephant big, gray, and wrinkly?

    Because if it were small, white, and smooth, it would be an aspirin.

    http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Bill-Hader-Holding-in-Laugh.gif

  • Palpatine

    Oh come on Sully…

  • Sully

    *when the gif is funnier than the joke*

  • Palpatine

    Well at least the joke was funnier than an Adam Sandler film. Ha ha ha, I am so original!

  • Sully

  • Palpatine
  • Palpatine

    Adam Sandler is funny bro, what do you know?

  • My ex wife

    You even got the heads on the right bodys.
    Now I have to find one to have a go at, I might even steal yours just for my own self-indulgent pleasure.

  • Sully

    It was bound to happen. Genetic monstrosities!

  • Palpatine

    Was this your’s and everyone else’s reaction to the trailer:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il85E-ms-44

  • My ex wife

    Do not try to trick us. We can tell.

  • Sully

    I know lessons of life, ya fuckin’ crocodile brain.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Is the Godzilla roar there to hint that they created Godzilla? Or are they just saying that this is going to be a better Godzilla movie than Godzilla was?

  • My ex wife

    I don’t know… it looked alright.

    I can’t wait for Mike to tell me how wrong I am. 😀

  • Palpatine

    I think the new dinosaur is the Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex. And yes, her roar does sound like Godzilla’s.

  • Lional punsalot

    To many kids, why o why did there have to be kids.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Isn’t the Williams theme meant to inspire wonder or a sense of majesty? But now the dinos do parlor tricks and chase glass bubbles like cats :/ I see where the movie title came from now.. It looks less a biological preserve and more a flea circus.

  • Palpatine

    The first one had kids. One of them was so smart, she managed to hack an advanced Unix System computer. She did know it after all.

  • Palpatine

    The filmmakers were so preoccupied with whether or not if they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

  • My ex wife

    I just assumed he was reading it as it was written?

  • DanceOfBirther

    Let me guess, you’re responsible for all four copies of Judgement.

  • DanceOfBirther

    It’s easy, PS/2 is for when you’re going to do it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-Jcha_zqvU

  • My ex wife

    I would like… cheese… go… to… hell…

    75% great film.

  • DanceOfBirther

    And by hack you mean navigate a ridiculous 3d GUI that runs at a choppy frame rate.

  • Palpatine

    It was 1993, what do you expect? And what was up with that file system anyway? It looked like a video game or something.

  • DanceOfBirther

    1993? I expect Ford Explorers that tip over easily. Oh wait…

    Edit: Holy crap, it was a real thing SGI had.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fsn

  • TapewormBike

    dis is TOOPID!

  • Sully
  • TapewormBike

    This is the best thing I saw today and I watched pretty ladies on the internet.

  • TapewormBike

    If you have only one proper CGI sequence finished, make sure you put it in the trailer, which then allows me to comment on how crappy it looks. Also a kid was there and looked dumb.

  • Real Quantum

    On the nosey, Brother 😉

  • Now I Get It

    Keep your pecker up.

  • DanceOfBirther
  • DanceOfBirther

    Although I had originally planned an RLM dump for this week as well, it’s going to be delayed. But hey, I can include a note that says: “Merry Fucking Christmas you fucks!”

  • DanceOfBirther

    The pronunciation isn’t the problem. It’s fact you keep banging your fork on the plate.

  • fred

    Those people look real !

  • Now I Get It

    For reelz! But did I pay $2,000 for that box?

    http://www.pc-collection.com/images/8/853/8530-002.jpg

    A total grime magnet and dumb as a slug. Mouse? Not for me. Colour monitor? Fuuuck youuu. The fan half crapped out after eight years, so, I had to disconnect it or go deaf. But I didn’t retire it till 2006, and I bet if I unpacked it, it would still run like the same little tank that was out and about and changing lives all those years ago.

  • Michael Collins

    Seems like a great idea for a movie, why hasn’t it been done before?
    Am I right?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    I predict it’s gonna turn out like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-w-58hQ9dLk

  • Super Hans

    It looks slightly better than the third one.

  • Real Quantum

    Jay is not a pretty lady, you hack!
    Oh, wait…

  • Marc Greene

    Did science just prove that children hate Rich Evans?

  • Real Quantum

    Don’t know…
    I’m a child at heart and I love the fucking guy.

  • Palpatine
  • Palpatine

    Fork in the crocodile brain.

  • Now I Get It

    Melodica?! Ah, well, I guess they couldn’t afford a doodlesack.

  • Real Quantum

    Ach, now you sound like my wife.

  • RLMkeepitup

    This is perfect! haha

  • DanceOfBirther

    The left speaker of my headphones died watching that clip. How rude indeed.

  • Now I Get It

    Yeah, I sound like half the guys’ wives here, and half the gals’ husbands, but that still doesn’t explain one quarter of my, how you say, “deal.”

  • Palpatine

    So the anus of planet Your Mom is bigger than Uranus?

  • Spaxspore

    lol perfect freeze frames.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    if i wasn’t already dead inside. that would have been far worse.
    it looks like they took all the worst parts of the first three, mixed with bits of the books they havent used yet, then slowly raped the whole thing to death in a computer.
    Jurassic Park worked because finally something we had all waited our whole lives to see was there before us. Realistic Cinema Dinosaurs.
    this looks like a bucket of CGI Shite.

  • Sully

    Your mom? Absolutely.

  • DanceOfBirther

    When I was a little kid I seriously wondered how this “experiment” was supposed to work. Then I became a teenager and realized he was just flirting and being a dick at the same time.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Oh my god a new Jurassic Park movie? Can you fucking believe it? Hey, cool Star Lord is hanging out with Velociraptors. Oh a little kid? Well, I’ll give it a shot I guess.

  • Sully

    Star Lord is riding a fucking motorcycle with velociraptors. Believe that, motherfucker.
    And it didn’t look nearly as retarded as Shia swinging with monkeys at 60mph through the jungle.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Never saw the first film did you? If so you need to get your fucking head checked.

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    Shut up Rick Berman, you ruined this too.

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    But its pronounced “Yinglings.”

  • Where’s Paul Verhoeven?

    The return of Amish Jay, this is right after a fine barn raising.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Sully

    ‘xactly.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    She was no hack fraud.

  • chopmeup

    OMG, It’s Hans Klopek!

  • chopmeup

    They’re just “alright”.

  • Josh Noble

    You think anyone on the production crew or cast knows the kids? Or is the worlds longest ADAM alert out?

  • Palpatine

    That’s what I said, she’s a nerd. I also love how the film, she has trouble turning off a flashlight, but she has no issue hacking into a top of the line computer system.

  • Palpatine

    How ’bout them hamster balls they’re riding around in? Bet they spared no expense with those.

  • Josh Noble

    Impossible! You think someone actually wants to have sex with Mike?

  • Robby

    As soon as the trailer opened with those two kids I wanted to shut it off immediately. That trailer is terrible, the movie looks awful. How bout Chris Pratt reading dem lines?

  • Guest

    What’s brown and Sticky?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    A stick.

  • Vengeful Eagle

    What’s brown and sticky?

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    A stick.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    5:45

    Mike gives Rich Evans cancel with the Higgins Dyson Machine!

  • Good heavens that Jurassic World trailer is awful. Rip it apart RLM!

  • Palpatine

    I guess that means that the raptors are good guys now.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • DAMMIT! I HATE THIS HOLLYWOOD CRAP!

  • That’s damning it with faint praise if I’ve ever heard it.

  • That graphical system browser was based on a real thing called “fsn”. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fsn

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Not only that, Chris Pratt is going to teach them how to say “Chill out, dickwad” “No problemo” and “Hasta la vista, baby”. He’s also going to teach them how to smile, to hilarious results.

  • Palpatine

    Boy, am I going to miss Goldblum…

  • Palpatine
  • Guy Pernot

    To be eaten. With a side of lima beans and a glass of Chianti, perhaps.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I’m sure it was based on the famous E=mc² code.

  • Thanatos2k

    All I see is another blue and orange movie.

  • Ey! No problem. Were all acquaintances here. =)
    Sounds like quite the highlife you got! Keep it up.

  • Carmen

    Wait, is Rich Evans allowed to be around children?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i always thought they were…

  • Sully

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAA….

    GENIUS! In fact, I can’t believe not a SINGLE FUCKING PERSON HAS THOUGHT OF THIS RESPONSE YET!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOiE0LCu6J0

  • Sully
  • Sully

    It’s even sadder in reality.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0e4OJSAuMA

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Can someone tell me which BotW had the kid who wanted to see his sister’s tits and tell the world about it?

  • NotRickBerman

    Wait a minute. You’re not Rick Berman.

  • GeneralFailer

    I guess you can say the machine attempted to cancel his existence.

  • Lional punsalot

    bloody birthday?

  • The raptors know now why you cry. :’-)

  • Jigsaw

    Jackson is an asshole.

  • @redletterjay:disqus, clean up in Aisle 2. Somebody shat himself.

  • Lional punsalot

    yeh, wow just wow.

  • National Lampoons Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure!

    Just watch it. Trust me!

    http://i.imgur.com/unMkNgD.gif

  • But seriously, it’s the movie Elves.

  • Robby

    AND YOU’VE GOT FUCKING BIG TITS AND I’M GONNA TELL EVERYONE I SAW ‘EM!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    if you IMDB the cinematographer, you’ll understand why. (Hint: he’s the guy that worked in all the early Bay movies)

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I still hold a tiny bit of hope there’ll be a secret cameo. Either Goldblum or Neill, or both, even better if both.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Thank you. I tried the one with Bloody Birthday as suggested by @lucusfarts:disqus, since that was my guess too, but clearly I was wrong. I don’t hold it against him, though; I got to enjoy Breaking News With Rich Evans that I had forgotten about.

    Edit: Lional punsalot is Lucusfarts?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Hey, you are being a 100% a dick about it.

  • Elves is viewed in my favorite BotW episode, so I remember it well. Seen it about 10 times. Hmmm, then again there is the ninja BotW and that’s my favorite to and the one with Miami Connection and…

    Lucusfarts? I have no idea who is who here anymore, everyone keeps reinventing themselves. I just take my meds and try to post as many gifs an possible.

    PS. Usually Domo is the one to answer HitB, BotW related questions. She’s the real boss around here.

  • Sully
  • WrongWithYourFace

    I haven’t seen the ninja episode nearly enough times. All of the episodes are great so I can’t pin an exact favorite. The one with Miami Connection and the first Halloween episodes are way up there, though.

    Yeah, when I did the @ tagging thing for Lional punsalot, it showed up as Lucusfarts when editing the comment. Well, surely we’ll get an answer soon enough, be it from Domo or Lional himself.

  • Palpatine

    One of the raptors did talk in Jurassic Park 3. Remember this amazing scene:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s9sjPzyQjk#t=18s

  • Lional punsalot

    It is me, this name has a special meaning to those who paid attention to the finer details involved. It wont exist for much longer and ill go back to diminished effect.

    sorry i fucked up on bloody birthday thats the little girl who sells out her sister in the closet isnt it?

    I should have known better.

  • Lional punsalot

    Im blue if i was green i would die.

  • Lional punsalot

    Welp there goes my enthusiasm for this film, fuck it.

  • Sully

    I actually wrote a treatment for Jurassic Park IV back when Joe Johnston was in line to direct.

  • Palpatine

    Really now? What was the plot like, and was it more original than this film?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    I’ll still reserve my judgement. I’m waiting on confirmation on: a) evil mutant dinosaur kills a Spinosaurus in a fight. b) those 5 or 6 raptors wont cut it against new evil mutant dinosaur, so they have to enroll a t-rex to the team in the third act.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Best thing about JP3 was the aviary scene, and it could’ve been better.

  • Palpatine

    Apparently the evil mutant dinosaur is called Diabolus Rex. Why not just call it Evil Bitch Dinosaur?

  • Sully

    Whenever I’m fighting writer’s block, I write sequels for movies to work through the fog. Then I [occassionally] mail them to the studios with the message “Please don’t shit on my childhood” Post-it noted to the cover.

    My plot centered around InGen being purchased by a Japanese corporation after John Hammond passed away.
    They wrangle what dinos they can and continue his company’s work on their own islands.
    Similar to this film, they actually manage to get the park up and running, but unlike this film, the movie takes place during a soft opening, meaning limited visitors. There are monorails, aquariums (complete with underwater viewing areas), and lookout towers, much like this movie. (No gerbil balls though)
    My version also had kids ( I know, I know), but the kids in mine were not siblings. One was the child of a japanese lab technician, and the other was the daughter of a park inspector.

    The main backstory revolved around the park trying to do something that Hammond never managed to accomplish, at least not intentionally. They wanted a fully realized prehistoric ecological preserve, where all of the dinos lived together. The predators preyed on the herbivores, and the herbivores provided the sustenance for the predators. All very one with nature-like.
    The plot kicked in when the rangers discover that their Allosaurus population is working in rather aggressive pack formations, and they’re not just killing for food, which is tipping the scales, basically fucking the balance up.
    The park hires a great white hunter-type out of Africa, whom when we meet him, is hunting a troublesome lion that’s been plaguing a small village.
    He arrives on the island and is asked to help thin the Allosaurus pack.

    The inciting incident came in the form of an Earth First activist (remember those guys from Lost World?) sabotaging the opening, not realizing there were children in the park when he cut the tram power.
    The rest of the film was a rescue mission. yada yada yada…

    Not terribly original, I know, but it was a fun write.

  • Palpatine

    A pretty damn good idea, actually. At least there’s no stupid genetically modified dinosaur.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    You should have known better than to name a Richard Marx song in these comments.

    http://youtu.be/TpKxH2dDqEM?t=58s

  • Sully

    Meh. I’ve had better.
    I do wonder if they got my memo and the similar ideas in this movie are from that treatment, or if it’s just a case of hundredth monkey effect. Though when I sent my script in, Joe Johnston was still listed as Director, so who knows…

  • Robby

    I don’t know how anyone could see Jay as being gay.

    http://i59.tinypic.com/105wkue.png

    Oh…

  • Sully
  • Hank_Henshaw

    Hey! It’s about as bad as Darth Plagueis, Darth Sidious, Darth Savage Oppres, General Grievous, Commander Nefarious, Captain Imabadguy and Admiral Bonetopick.

    But yes, ridiculous name. If you name a dinosaur Diabolus Rex, you are asking for trouble. Had they gone for something like Tranquilosaurus, the tourists would’ve been safer.

  • Sully

    You’ve gotta admit, it looks incredible compared to this steaming pile of Studio Shite.

    Behold… Parkour: The Movie

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ql1T41Jw5U

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Oh, I get it! That’s a reference Basic Instince.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Also, is it just me, or is it getting hot in here…?

  • Robby

    I think I’d argue they both look like steaming piles of studio shit. But I feel almost bad for Insurgent. That “teaser” is practically screaming “Look at this cool action sequence! PLEASE COME SEE OUR MOVIE!”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    What is this? The gritty and realistic reboot of Up?

  • Lional punsalot

    you could have also gone

    http://youtu.be/_UShEe0hWcY

  • Palpatine

    Allegedly, it’s going to be hybrid of a T-Rex, Velociraptor, a snake, and cuttlefish. Yeah, a fucking cuttlefish.

  • Sully

    At least they’re trying with Jurassic World. This shit looks like they couldn’t decide between making a Hunger Games knockoff, or a Spider-Girl movie.

  • Lional punsalot

    man it really sucks not to be able to spend as much time here atm, but on the plus hand when the weekend comes ill be able to read a ton of new comments at once!

  • Mr.Fister

    ohh man I was 14 and I replayed this scene over and over again until I damaged the tape…RLM brings back sweet memories

  • Sully

    I know what you were thinking, too.
    Triangle or landing strip?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Are you asking about Sharon Stone or Mike?

  • Sully

    We all know what Stone’s got.

  • Mike Rolfe

    Uh dino, dino dropping, droppings ?

  • Alex Lee

    For me, it’s a toss up between Elves and the Dinosaur movies. That BotW actually got me to see Theodore Rex.

    To quote Jay: “Oh my god, fuck you!”

  • Jean-François Martel

    When i was in high school we had windows that couldn’t open so the system could suffocate our young, hopeful minds

  • Jean-François Martel

    more like get in my butt, Chris Pratt

  • instant relief

    Dang! Which episode is that?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i hope you wrote a godzilla reference into it.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    cuttlefish are the best shape shifters on the planet. its going to be all t-1000… just shoot me now.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Sully
  • Sully
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    people always think australians are racist. we are not… we dont see colour or race, just the opportunity to take the piss even if its a bit not PC….
    oh, wait? we are racist… soooooooooo racist….

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    sam is hobiting frodo ring.

  • Sully

    Aparently calling a black person an “aborigine” in the United States is frowned upon.

    Pound Sign: LessonsOfLife

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    they didnt have the guts to use the full F.F.F.

  • Sully

    I thought Frodo was becoming one with the Force.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i sucked out my cancel with a dyson….

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    congratulations this is the 1000th kidnapping joke on this page. thanks for the original thinking.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    hur hur hur.

  • Sully

    What a coincidence, I used a Dyson to suck m

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    and here. its “aboriginal”
    basically translated. aboriginal is “First People.” aborigine is “Stone Age Person”

  • Sully

    Tomato Tomato.

    (Edit: that phrase really doesn’t work well in text)

  • Real Quantum
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    plus that song makes no sense. no one uses the alternative pronunciations. who says Pa-tAto. thats not a thing!!!!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I said shat not cum

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    the main reason i hate me is. i let George fuck me with a CGI dildo in the “Special” editions. then i bent over and took the three prequels.
    now i’m lubing up my arse for JJ Abrams…. i must hate my childhood soooo much.

  • Sully

    STOP PICKING ON MY CHOSEN PRETENTIOUS DIALECT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

  • Real Quantum

    No, it’s cuz she complains I can’t, you know, keep said appendix up…

  • Sully

    I can’t do one without doing the other, so…

  • Real Quantum
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you can use your mouth in any way you like Sully.

  • Sully

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • NotRickBerman

    Just FYI, the Dyson Ball vacuum is totally not what you think it’s going to be.

    Spent the whole damn weekend in the hospital.

    Still, best weekend this year.

  • Palpatine

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnQ_mp9TzZY

    By the way, I have extra pairs of stylish pantaloons in case anybody them.

  • Real Quantum

    Good.

  • Sully

    It’s a fox thing.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I haven’t been this pumped for a few seconds thrill ride since I lost my virginity. HAARRrr. Sweet cakes if you’re reading this I still love you.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    “i tripped and landed on it…. ” is the most common of E.R admissions.

  • whip

    Get the fuck over it. They are kids.

  • whip

    You really should have looked to see if this joke has been posted at least 1,000 times before you got here.

  • whip

    “His story would have been a lot more believable if they sold the sauce bottles with condoms already attached”

  • whip

    Well.. as long as Laura Dern is nowhere to be seen, I’m fine with this idea.

  • Josh Noble

    Well, someone is a Debby Downer today.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    prostate stimulation or just to many omelets?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i shat my self laughing when i saw this.

    http://youtu.be/zI3UfxyIdgs

    LITERALLY!…. :{

  • Sully

    Is there really a difference?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    also every time someone says shat, i’m going to post the Shat Man…. cause…

    http://youtu.be/d5hae6PlPYA

    fuck you! thats why!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    is this the cut scene when Frodo gives Bilbo HIS ring?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    today? have you ever read any of my posts?

  • Josh Noble

    Why? Should I know you? Are you famous?

  • Jean-François Martel

    i mean, they are animals, if the guy in the first movie had bothered training them properly i’m sure everything would have turned out fine.

  • Jean-François Martel

    i read “an old TV enema”

  • DanceOfBirther

    They always were, just like Clubber Lang in Rocky III.

  • Guest

    miami connection, like many films theyve reviewed im sure, is up on youtube. its pretty amazing

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Wait. Who are you again? And where are you broadcasting this message from?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    so why would you think i’m just cranky today? thats a bit presumptuous.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • DanceOfBirther

    Damn right.

  • Palpatine

    Stop completely logical questions!

  • Super Hans

    Don’t worry, baby. JJ is gonna be gentle.

  • Palpatine

    Maybe she’ll have a cameo as worker who’s shoveling one big pile of dino shit.

  • Jigsaw

    Get the fuck over it. It was a joke! Geez… all these butthurt parents around here…

  • Sully

    I sent an away team to seek out your lost virginity.
    I just checked with my guys, and…

    I… I’m… I’m sorry.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4-rYlw1rRI

  • NotRickBerman

    Wait! Where are you going? You even took the ramen noodles.

  • Now I Get It

    Then it’s time you had the little fucker removed before it explodes and poisons your whole system. …Oh, wait. I see what you did there.

  • Now I Get It

    Blackest. Friday. Ever.

  • Real Quantum

    ah ah 😀
    Might as well cut it off, I already pee sitting down.
    It’s oddly pleasant, surprisingly.

    Wait, am I saying this on the internet?
    Is this even on?

    Hello??

  • Sully

    I thought this was the blackest Friday ever.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j2n0ba2__0

  • Ogrot

    Where are my pants?

  • Palpatine

    What the hell man, you should have used the song “Friday” by Rebecca Black. Oh wait, it’s 2014, no cares about that shit anymore. By the way, did you know that Samurai Cop is alive?

  • Sully
  • Palpatine

    The LEGO Movie stole a joke from RLM:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhaT7F7lMEY

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I care about that shit. Oh, wait that was Friday by Richard Cheese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjpn5x8oDGc

  • Palpatine

    He has a song called “Star Wars Cantina”. Because why not:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En3atiTAHXM

  • Now I Get It
  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Palpatine

    When it started I was like:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuha5Im1RaQ
    Then I was like:
    “Wait, what the fuck is this?!”

  • Sully

    Seems legit.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Ahh Mega64. I love these guys

  • Square Peg

    JJ won’t do shitty CGI, just unnecessary super-close-ups, distracting bloom and constant nauseating shaky-cam! It’s gonna be great.

  • Sully

    You’ll have to watch ever goddamn episode. Nobody’s going to give you instant relief, Instant Relief.

  • Mr.Fister

    Sully you filty Jedi your mind tricks work on me after all

  • My ex wife
  • My ex wife

    When in Rome.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    So, wait … Jack named his sonJACKSON (Jack+son)?!

    Talk about lazy, hack-fraud parenting!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    PS – I’ve missed you guys. 🙁

  • mmp

    And what about Parker Packard?

  • dollar store cashier wife

    Put your social life and responsibilities on hold then and dwell with us in this shitho-uh I mean joyous webzone.

  • NobodyLikesMilhouse

    I loved when the kid laughed at Rich possibly getting cancer.

  • Sully
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    still a better love story than twilight.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    YOU’RE ALIVE?!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yes ma’am!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Story time from Taco. A few days ago I wrote this:

    “So I have to make a short film for class which I’m filming today [I’m supposed to be writing the script right now but instead I’m on this webzone. Priorities, people!]. I’ve decided to make it a documentary style film, except it’s a mokumentary about a failed [fake] documentary. It’s a bit confusing, but I’ve named two of the characters in the film “Jerry F. Plinkett” and “Jane Bauman”.

    It’s gonna be great.”

    Well, sadly, things went wrong really quickly. Haha. For starters, only one of our four actors could make it out within our time limits and the one we had was only there for a max of three hours. On top of that I forgot to rent a microphone. I rent a microphone stand, a sound recorder, XLR cables, and even a boom pole, but no microphone … I’ve no idea how I did that.

    The shotgun microphone I was able to obtain that day was from someone named Bruce LeGrow (worked shortly for a newer season of The Trailer Park Boys, which some of you may be familiar with), but it didn’t work with the equipment we had (something about 48V phantom power).

    The further put a dent into our plans, the camera I borrowed from my friend died while we were filming, so we had to resort to the lower quality camera I had rented form my school.

    All-in-all that day sucked and I was forced to make an executive decision: I chose to change our idea and make a real documentary about a fake documentary that really failed about a failed fake documentary. Confusing … but now it’s basically me being interviewed about what went wrong with our film. I took some inspiration from RLM again and titled it “How NOT to Make a Final Editing Project”.

    It should be in theatres this January, because FUCK YOU!

    Edit: This was just ONE DAY on what should be a rather easy film shoot with no special effects, make up, rather simple equipment, and only a few people involved. If this many things can go wrong this quickly [although admittedly I have to take blame for some of these issues], imagine how much bullshit Mike, Jay, Rich Evans, and the whole RLM crew has had to go through with making Space Cop!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Jack’s middle name is Parker.

    I may have just made that up, but … WHATEVER JACK IS STILL A FRAUD OKAY?!

  • mmp

    I was entertained by your comment, but I don’t know if I should upvote it. Confusing.

    Anyway, if you manage to finish the project, will you share with us?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Oh, the project was completed last night. I’m not too happy with it, though, except for two portions which I think are hilarious. I may put it onto YouTube, though. I’m not sure yet.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    This should serve as a warning to anybody with a YouTube account out there. Be cautious when uploading content with copyrighted material in it, because they WILL stop you … although they’ll wait months to do so, though, because otherwise they don’t give a shit it seems. Those fuckers! … I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!

  • RLMkeepitup

    Experienced the same thing with my channel after millions of views. Even though the clips I used were all edited together in an original way I’d get flagged months later or randomly until one day they closed me down.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’ve had two previous YouTube account, one being a joint account with a friend and another being a personal account, both hacked by some German dude. They ended up doing a bunch of spam bullshit with the two accounts and they were promptly deleted without me being able to recover them. This was right after I ended my relationship with a crazy girlfriend. I was thinking, “This is perfect. Life is good. Life is just.” NOT!

    Saying “NOT!” is still funny, right? Right?

    But yeah, I guess I’ll be wary now of uploading copyrighted material. I may just go and delete some videos here soon. Too bad, since I enjoy looking at their stats from time to time.

    The good news is that it seems my YouTube account is in good standing still, even with two videos blocked globally.

  • Sully

    UPLOAD IT!!! I’m practically salivating over here. Sure it could be the smell of Thanksgiving leftovers, but then again–

    http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-07/18/11/enhanced/webdr04/anigif_enhanced-20789-1405697285-1.gif

  • RLMkeepitup

    I hear ya man. I made 10 minute versions of bad movies on syfy channel. Basically took out all the fluff and just kept the best silly stuff and the overall plot. Took a couple hours to make. Ended up with hundreds subscribers and enjoyed the stats/feedback. It was fun but I wouldn’t go back to youtube. Maybe it’s good once you’re a featured channel or whatever they call it but I wasn’t even monetizing. Hope you have better luck.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    youtube is a bucket of shit…. still a better media player than blip.

  • Joe

    As somebody who has made original content out of videos containing copyrighted material I have good news:

    Youtube is very understanding about it!

    All you have to do is challenge the claim on the video and say “I think this video is fair use” and then write a long write-up why and then pray that they don’t disagree with you, and then have them disagree with you and then challenge that claim again and articulate in crystal clear legal language why the video is fair use, and then wait several weeks and then wait several weeks more and then hear them threaten to close your account if you abuse the copyright claim appeals system. Then get rejected just one more time and then say “look guys I’m totally sure my video is fair use, I’m not making money from it, I’m just sharing something I edited for other peoples enjoyment, there is absolutely literally no reason to block this” and then articulate for a third time the exact same legal reason why your video is fair use, then sign a thing saying “I’m totally ok if they challenge this fair use claim in court and sue my ass for uploading this harmless video I made just out of fun for the benefit of others”, sign an e-signature, and then presto! Your video is avaliable to view everywhere! Except Australia for some reason. And all you have to worry about is if people actually end up liking the video, because if you get enough views they will take you to court over your non-profit video.

    It’s just that easy! And that’s why youtube is fair and understanding to the lay-person independent content creator!

  • Joe

    Has anybody made a Joke about Rich being allowed near kids yet? I wanna make a joke about Rich being allowed near kids.

    Fun video though, but I was nervous for those kids, as much as I love RLM “kid-friendly” is not the word that comes to mind. (Thinks about the Crystal Skull review)

    But they did well making this fun video, and Rich fought his instinct to say “God-Dammit” which I’m sure has become second nature after years of slapstick falling over and injury.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    so did I… but we weren’t allowed to open them….

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    welcome to RLM you can unsubscribe any time you like….

    http://youtu.be/lrfhf1Gv4Tw

    …but you can NEVER! LEAVE!!!!

  • Guest

    Guest is that you?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    http://youtu.be/EZnsOZsA7_4

    it makes sense…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    every time they go to the room 101 of kids jokes. i think.

    http://youtu.be/_4jQttzATo8

  • Hmm. the NOT jokes. Now that’s hard to know. Facepalm’s are “popular” but considered lame at the same time. Of course there is a difference if you post a meme or do one yourself. -I hate facepalm jokes myself, especially if there is an added sigh or if there is an unconfortable silence that goes along with it. But post Picard doing a facepalm then you have my attention.

    It’s been about 20 years since the 90’s NOT jokes were at their highest peak. Popular culture goes around and comes around. So I guess that the NOT jokes could be re-emerging and kids today catch on to them. Or it could be one of those things that just don’t make it. I don’t really know! I’m not an expert, just a toad. But don’t give up, it could get HIUUGE!

    On a personal note I still yell Qapla’ if I’ve succesfully punched one of my friend on the shoulder and he is unable to retaliate within a few seconds. Now does that make me lame? NO, of course not. I think that makes me HOT!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Funny, it’s not like those trailers aren’t already free to view all around the web. And you are clearly making a ton of money with those supercuts.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    It’s gonna be great.

  • Palpatine
  • Sully

    So you’re saying he’s a…

    Jack Fraud.

    http://i.imgur.com/ZYzkSDU.gif

  • Sully

    The >>Official<< Star Wars: Episode VII teaser is up, motherfuckers. Thoughts?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOVFvcNfvE

  • shuura84

    Seems “not horrible” and very “J.J. Abrams-y”.
    (dat lazer sword though)

  • Jason Ross

    Way to update for the holidays, hackfrauds. Apparently Mike and Jay are thankful for … little boys?

  • Sully

  • Sully

    ,,,

  • Sully

  • Sully

    >>>

  • Sully

    Some screencaps from the trailer…

  • Sully

    Spot on. Though I will say I caught myself smiling when that shot of the Falcon dogfighting those Ties came up.

  • shuura84

    Actually that was the scene I liked the least (not counting the lightsaber one which I facepalmed at).
    The X-Wing one on the other hand was amazing, but every scene taken by itself seemed good.

    Let’s hope the total will be more than the sum of its parts.

  • shuura84

    Gotta love the new antenna…
    Seems someone went back and looked at what happened in ROTJ, before filming the fucking movie !

  • Sully

    Dat continuity tho.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Not enough to get me excited but it didn’t look terrible. I agree with shuura84 about the Millenium Falcon bit. I feel they should have kept the camera work more simple to make it feel like it could have been made with miniatures.

    And is it just me or did the guy talking sound like Benedict Cabbagepatch? Sounded a lot like his Smoog voice.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That’s fucking stupid. This honestly feels like a parody. I was cautiously optimistic, but … rough.

    Are the Sith Christians?

  • Sully

    I didn’t mind the saber. The Jedi/Sith are supposed to construct their own sabers as a part of their training. Makes sense there’d be different designs. Plus we don’t yet know the context of the scene/character/culture.
    Anything that expands the universe and doesn’t just rehash old shit for nostalgia purposes is fine by me.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Now we just need some CGI groundhogs to pop up out of the desert and we’re set.

  • Sully

    It did sound like Benedict, though it sounded more like his Khan than his Smaug.

  • Sully

    As long as I’m not seeing cartoon rabbits, I’m happy.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    This was honestly very underwhelming. The camerawork and lighting didn’t make it feel like a Star Wars film at all. It somewhat feels … clean and cookie cutter. I was cautiously optimistic, but now I’m just kinda meh about the whole thing.

    Perhaps future trailers may change my mind.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I think this was my favourite sequence in the trailer.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Ah, well I haven’t seen the new Trek movies. But if you’ve heard the unaltered Smaug voice, it’s pretty much like here in this trailer.

  • shuura84

    You’re right, maybe there’s a REAL reason, functional to the plot and to the movie, of why the saber looks like that other than ” IT LOOKZ COOL >9000″.
    (Not holding my breath though)

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    HEY YOU HACK FRAUDS!! Where’s the Rich Reacts To the new Star Wars Episode VII trailer?! I’m certain he’ll be thinking, “Uh, what? …”

  • WrongWithYourFace

    The problem is that it doesn’t look that cool.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Smoog*
    Smog*
    Smeeg*
    Smauaug*
    Smeooaug*

  • Sully

    I knew it wasn’t going to look like a Star Wars film the moment they attached JJ Abrams to direct. He has a distinct style all his own, and even when he did Super 8, which definitely had that Spielberg feel, it still looked like an Abrams film. That being said, if he can manage to create a Star Wars feeling in this film, I don’t much care if the look is different.
    I just hope they’re trying to re-inject some of the mythology back into the new films, because honestly, cartoon rabbits, butt crack foreheads, and shitty acting aside, the lack of mythos is what I liked least about the prequels.

    At least there wasn’t lens flare on the lightsaber.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s like a light saber some Star Wars fan made and thought it was cool so they then filmed a whole elaborate light saber fight with it yet had no idea how to make a good fight sequence that made any sense.

  • shuura84

    Indeed… It looks stupid (for me anyway)

  • Sully

    Who didn’t want an X-Wing growing up? Probably one of the coolest space ship designs in Sci-Fi/Fantasy history.

  • Sully

    No, but it may be functional, just as the cross guard on a real sword. Bad thing about the old design is, if you lock sabers with an opponent, one slip and you’ve lost a hand… or two.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Exactly. I liked it better when they kept the wackier saber designs in the expanded universe. That stuff always feels a bit fan fiction-y.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Star Wars Episode VII: Return of the SITH or Return of the SHIT?!

  • Palpatine

    “There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?”
    Oh I sure have! It’s because I have the force that’s why. But in all seriousness, it was a pretty decent trailer if I do say so myself. It actually feels like Star Wars again. The best part is that there’s no little kid or some geisha looking chick.

  • shuura84

    Palpy, are you in this one ?
    Did they find part of your DNA sequence in some amber fossil ?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    But now the question is: why are all the space ships flying so close to ground?

  • Palpatine

    Sadly, no. Disney said my face would too be scary for children. What the hell do they know?

  • Palpatine

    Why the fuck didn’t I have a saber like that?

  • shuura84

    STOP ASKING COMPLETELY LOGICAL QUESTIONS !!

  • Sully

    I’m not pretentious enough to say I don’t love a good tentpole Hollywood picture when they come along, and I’ve been in love with the Star Wars universe since I was a kid (The Empire Strikes Back was my first theater experience growing up).
    Honestly, I’m going to reserve all judgement on this one until I exit the theater next year.
    That being said, I’m not looking for something that can trump or even match the originals, because truthfully, I don’t think any new Star Wars movie ever could. They’ve become their own animal now, and are completely different to different people. That magic would be impossible to replicate, so why try?
    Truthfully, I’m just looking for something with some decent acting, non-laughable action, and a bit of oil and grit to make the fantasy feel real again; something I can take my own kid to, and when he asks why did this character do that?, I don’t have to respond, “Because everyone in this movie is fucking retarded, apparently.”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    0:53-the most impractical lightsaber ever made?

  • Sully

    Why did you need a saber at all, ya fucking Sith Fraud? You had fucking lightning shooting out of your tit squashers. What else did ya need?

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    He forgot to put a blade coming out of the handle towards himself!

  • FT

    Is too early, is just a teaser, but this movie is going to be about fan service.

    Teaser and leaks images show the nostalgic direction for the visuals. Few seconds and X-Wings, Tie Fighters and the Millenium Falcon already into action.

    At least looks like the spaceships are ok. Dont show signs of rape with weird ideas.

  • Palpatine

    It was mandatory by the Sith Code.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “I’ll try spinning! That’s a good trick!”

    http://i.minus.com/iopQPEsMJMjl5.gif

  • dollar store cashier wife

    The teaser didn’t had lens flare but will Abrams be able to restrain himself for the entire film?

  • FT

    The lightsaber is something from videogame shit… the worst element in the teaser.

  • Sully

    It’s about the only trick one can perform in an aircraft unfortunately. You have spinning or loops. This pilot is doing both (I’m assuming there’s an old Han Solo muttering an appropriately phoned in a “YeeHaw!” at the stick).

  • Palpatine

    We shouldn’t be too harsh (yet). I mean look at the trailer for the original film, and tell me it wasn’t any worse than the new one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vP_1T4ilm8M&feature=youtu.be

  • Sully

    This film was always going to be fan service.
    At least, so far, it doesn’t appear to be a giant FUCK YOU to the fans, as the prequels were.

  • Jason Ross

    The screeching tie fighters must have been haunting when this trailer came out. And Vader’s costume! The only stupid part is the voice over narration.

  • Sully

    “The story of a boy, a girl, and a universe.”

    Pound Sign: FuckYeah

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “The story of a boy, his sister, and … wait, what?”

  • Palpatine

    Hearing that now makes it seem awkward.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I would argue it’s a lot easier to compare films across decades than trailers across decades.

  • Jason Ross

    I watched the original trilogy, and the conclusion I came to was that the series lacked sweaty black stormtroopers. I’m glad J.J. agrees.

    I mean, it worked in Blazing Saddles…

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    You also have landing on Star Destroyers.

    http://web.ncf.ca/cn333/sdfalcon3.JPG

  • Sully

    It’s like poetry… in spaaaaaaaaaaace…

  • Palpatine

    Exactly. If you saw the trailer for this back then, would it excite you, or would you dismiss it as some corny 70’s b-movie schlock?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    The new one didn’t end with an explosion, though.

  • Jason Ross

    It’s not a toomah

  • Mitchell Taco Nash
  • Sully

    To be fair back in the 70s trailers were seldom better than their movies. Nowadays the opposite is true.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’d be all over that shit. My nipples would be so hard they could cut through a light saber. I don’t even know what that means!

  • Palpatine

    I honestly laughed out loud when I saw that. Does that make me a racist?

  • Sully

    I always found it odd that the Star Destroyers had shields, tracking devices, tractor beams, radar, probes, and all of this other futuristic shit, yet couldn’t detect that an enemy craft had landed ON THEIR ACTUAL FUCKING SHIP…. 10 FEET FROM THE FUCKING SENSOR GLOBE!!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Your Sith were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

    http://i.minus.com/ibDURdLHqEOSR.gif

  • Yes, but isn’t the new movie set 30 years after the original trilogy? Why are all the designs the same? The prequels for all their flaws at least had different spaceship designs (as shitty as they were).

  • Sully

    Depends. How many black Sith are there?

  • Mrs. Gryce’s first question was: why are there stormtroopers?

    Good question.

  • Sully

    True, but we don’t know the context.

  • What was Plinkett’s phrase: “shamelessly exploits the preexisting iconography”?

    If that was J.J.’s intention: Mission Accomplished.

  • The FX look to me like a cross between Serenity and J.J.’s Star Treks.

  • Palpatine

    They had to include that stuff, otherwise people would dismiss the movie as “Space Adventure Film: Set In The Past Of Spaaaaace.”

  • its called bleach

    i think im the only one who thinks geisha shit in star wars could have been cool. should i get my head checked?

  • I think that one’s called the “Jar Jar bot.”

  • Palpatine

    What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?!

  • Why I am still thinking about these Star Wars movies?

    So now there’s a new guy who’s got his hands in our wallets–our ass wallets. And to be honest that guy has disappointed us at least as often as Jorge: Alias, Lost, Star Trek: The Star Trek, etc., etc.

    Please pass the post-Thanksgiving Day bleach.

  • Palpatine

    Lord Vader was black. Or rather he had the voice of a black guy.

  • Sully

    My best guess? The Empire didn’t die with Palpatine. There were probably quite a few people just as fucked in the head as him that jumped at the chance to take his throne, hence the Tie Fighters and Troopers still in action. Of course we also don’t know if they’re good or bad troopers.
    Apparently there are Sith followers in this film that have slowed progress in the galaxy. I think they’re called the Galactic Tea Party.

    All I know for sure is that the protagonist is going to be female, which is fine by me.

  • Sully

    That’s worse than reverse black face. THAT’S THE MOST RACIST THING IMAGINABLE!!!

  • I am not sure. The empire lived on? The force returns, with a vengeance? Braveheart themed broadsword Sith’s? Football droids? Black goo? I am just not sure.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s as Easy as 1-2-300!

  • Sully

    The geisha stuff didn’t bother me either. That tone of voice tho?

  • I guess Star Wars without them is not Star Wars. I can understand they could not take them out of the universe. We don’t know if they are clones or regular people.

  • mmp

    Are those real sets? Is that little robot not in CGI? Was this directed by not-George Lucas?

  • And the center of their plan is to capture the strategic planet of Tatooine, where giant worms produce the Spice Melange. The spice must flow.

    Didn’t the producers learn anything from TESB? The trick is NOT to go back to the desert planet. Lucas did it in ROTJ and in the first two prequels. And we know how well that turned out.

  • You could make a home for your self in that mineshaft.

  • Sully

    They’re hoping one of those worms shits out Boba Fett so they can inject some cool into the new franchise.

  • Palpatine

    I haven’t been in that dreaded mineshaft for over thirty years now.

  • Yes, it wasn’t the production design of TPM that sucked–it was everything else.

  • Sully

    Anything that wants to pay homage to Firefly is at least thinking in the right direction.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Actually, I heard they’re going to make spin-off movies in between the episodes, one of them being centered around Boba Fett… Yeah…

  • I’m not too impressed with the CG.

  • Sully

    Imagine if Jar Jar were taken in this direction instead of being a retarded space rabbit.

    Already a better idea.

  • mmp

    Isn’t that obviously dangerous? I mean, a cross-guard that can cut your own hands doesn’t sound like a good idea from the beginning.

  • Sully

    I’ve heard that, too. Disney is taking cues from it’s Marvel success, and is trying to build on the expanded universe.
    I’d rather them put full effort into solid sequels, than waste time and money expanding on shit that only a fraction of the fan base cares about, but whatevs.

  • Sully

    To be fair, they’ve got a year of post to work on that kind of stuff.

  • Also, they lost two Deathstars. The first to a teen pretending to shoot womp rats, the second to some Apollo Creed lookalike.

  • You’re problably right. My Avatar warning system got the best of me.

  • Sully

    I actually think it’s extremely functional. My son has a couple of those Force FX sabers, and when we’re battling it out in the backyard I’ve gotta say from experience, the lack of a cross guard is actually a horrible idea.
    So many fingers lost when the “blade” slips. Hands cut off at the wrist. It’s no wonder so many Jedi Knights and Sith Lords have prosthetic limbs.

  • Sully

    I thought that was Harvey Dent.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    I dunno… To me it always looked like there was some kind of friction caused by the blades hitting each other. I don’t remember ever seeing the blades slipping when they locked their sabers.

  • For years I actually thought that it was the same actor. Until the IMdB proved me wrong.

  • My ex wife

    If that is the plan then that guy better make sure his suit is fitted desert fashion.

  • Too soon?

  • Sully

    Except when Anakin used that very trick to slice off both of Dookie’s hands in Ep III.

  • Sully

    The guys should review this movie, because I don’t have the courage to watch it.

  • If house Harkonnen teamed up with Jabba.. ehh.. ok.. I’d watch it.

  • Jason Ross

    Wait, aren’t those two people the same person?

  • Don’t worry, they put a restraining order on Jorge. It’s gonna be great.

    Edit: I thought you meant SW ep7, cus’ the picture did not show. Now your comment makes sense. It’s actual name is Twins.

  • Sully
  • mmp

    You’re probably correct since you’re a more experienced knight than I am, but I’m not against the ideia of a cross-guard. And I understand that there are few things that a light saber cannot cut so a metal plate would be useless. But I think I have the solution.

    I don’t know why the picture was uploaded twice.

  • Sully

    They’re like poetry.

  • Carl Weathers and Billy Dee Williams are different people. Just like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Heath Ledger are different people.
    http://www.blogvedete.com/wp-content/gallery/sarbatoritul-zilei-joseph-gordon-levitt_1/128874806770315975.jpg

  • Palpatine
  • Palpatine

    Aren’t Jar Jar, Watto, and the Neimoidians the most racist things ever?

  • shuura84

    “He was the best star pilot in the galaxy”

  • dollar store cashier wife

    “and he was a good friend…”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf3UUZi4WkY

  • Hank_Henshaw

    It’s the galaxy famous X-Wing Regata.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Yeah, neither am I. It stands out like a sore thumb. It feels like an advanced CGI artist did it them self but didn’t quite get the flow or the lighting right.

  • Sully

    No. That’s racial stereotyping, and that’s 100% legit.

  • Sully

    ///

  • Hank_Henshaw

    James Earl Jones and Edward James Olmos are the same person though.

  • Sully

    Like Henry Cavill and Matt Bomer are different people.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Hold on! They have moving camera work?! HOLY SHIT!

  • Hank_Henshaw

    He looks so happy. The magic of Disneyland.

  • Sully

    Edward James Osmosis Jones?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well, I liked it. I didn’t make me cum though. First off that is the dumbest fucking lightsaber I have ever seen in my entire live. Second, that first shot of John Boyega or who ever I felt didn’t work. I like the new storm troopers, they look awesome. In terms of how its shot it looks how Star Wars should look. The camera movement isn’t like in the Prequels when it’s static and stays almost in the same place. Finally the fucking camera is moving, it reminds me when it did in the originals. You did it, JJ, you bastard.
    Edit: Also now that there is a female in Star Wars again please put her in another slave outfit. I would it since George didn’t do that with the Prequels.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The pro-to-gonist is female? Odd, I was actually wondering that earlier today. I’m fine with that. 🙂

  • Hank_Henshaw

    “The story of a boy, a girl, and their LGBT friends”

  • Sully

    “””

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    “Meesa gonna fuck you up, Annie.”

  • Mitchell Taco Nash
  • Hank_Henshaw

    is that a droid balancing itself over a soccer ball?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    damn, I was too late.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Really? That is the dumbest lightsaber I’ve ever seen. As much I don’t like Darth Maul, outside the EU and the clone war show, his lightsaber made sense. This doesn’t.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Edward James Osteoporosis Jones?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    I came up with an idea months back. In order to make the Sith seem like really creepy ancient weirdos what if the Ancient Sith Empire survived? If you read the EU books those guys are terrifying and if they came back with some sort of giant army it would make a great plot.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    That would make sense if, you know, the part where the blade would slip down was plasma. A light saber blade would cut right through that part unless it lost contact with the shaft while sliding.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Episode 7 teaser trailer < any of the teasers for a Plinkett review.

    Then again, I don't care about Star Wars.

  • shuura84

    Worst Jango Fett clone ever

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Must be a defect.

    Racist jokes! I love ’em!

  • Palpatine

    And like how Ian McDiarmid and me are totally different people.

  • Palpatine

    They got to sell toys somehow.

  • FT

    FX dude 336 (USA) – The lightsaber for the bad guy is red?
    FX dude 1230 (CHINA) – BRU!
    FX dude 125 (USA) – Dammit is Red – RGB(255, 0, 0) !!! J.J. Abrams says he likes the lightsaber, he asks to edit the model a little, try a medieval sword as base, just copy and paste the same model 2 times around the hand support.
    FX dude 336 (USA) – Really!? !@#$ but who ignites first, the main blade or the two small sabers? and is really red?
    FX dude 1230 (CHINA) – BRU!
    FX dude 125 (USA) – Fuck you Yang! RED!!! and the main blade ignites first!
    FX dude 336 (USA) – Done! GTA5 online someone? come on bitches!

  • Super Hans

    How does a hand guard not make sense?

  • Super Hans

    Oh.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m wondering if impoverished African Tatooine kids will kick it around.

  • Super Hans

    That was all Wedge the second time.

  • Earth

    So even though there are things I like and hate about this teaser trailer, I just can’t….stop….watching…help me….

  • Smeg. Wish that they would reboot Red Dwarf already.

  • Cute.

  • Super Hans

    But a lot of Star Wars video games are great!

  • instant relief

    Looks like a deleted scene from TPM.
    Seriously worrying.

  • Sully

    True… MAYBE!!! Stop throwing logic into my bullshit stew!

  • Yes they are. But moviewise I think they should keep it to more of the original concept. No fancy comic stuff. They are two flavors of the same universe and should remain seperate. I think it is important for the logic of the movies and for visual credibility.

  • TapewormBike

    Saw the thing. Meh. But I like that the Antichrist Voldemort is apparently the new bad guy.

  • FT

    Sure, is not about a Star Wars game.
    For me is a bizarre design decision, crazy things viable for videogames, for example the Gears of Wars weapon with chainsaw, turning a smart rifle into a big chainsaw. Looks amazing! but puts more weight and danger for group situations, specially under heavy fire, imagine 5 marines jumping into a small space without turn off the chainsaw.

  • I really hope they don’t clutter the film with hundreds of stupid droids.

  • Sully

    WILSON!!!!

  • Ricky Spanish

    Voice over on the trailer…just like INTO DARKNESS…
    I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

  • Whales

    So you DON’T have any interest in a Boba Fett movie? MMMMMmmmmmmmmkay

  • TapewormBike

    Highly impractical, show-offy, gives you two seconds of coolness and months of nitpicking it till the fun runs out. Who is directing this, again?

  • ElectricPrism

    I have a feeling that the Millennium Falcon might get raped.

  • Jigsaw

    Why does a Lockheed C-130 still look pretty much the same as in 1956… almost 60 years later? It makes more sense to have modernized but mostly identical designs than throwing everything out the window and designing it from scratch.

    These are tried and true machines of war, not civilian cars that need to be redesigned every 6 months to sell more units.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Don’t be like that. Where would you even rape the Millenium Falcon?

  • Sully

    Not at the expense of the main films.

  • TapewormBike

    If there is no Plinkett Easter Egg in the new SW movies, I am going to be disappointed. You don’t wanna see that JJ.

  • Sully

    Remember the droids from Revenge of the Sith, specifically the ones that popped up during Obi Wan and Anakin’s final battle? That shit ripped me right out of the movie, and sapped every ounce of tension from the scene.

  • Sully

    Right in the pod port.

  • TapewormBike

    I did it!

  • ElectricPrism

    All I could think was “The Sleeper Has Awakened”

  • Sully

    Knowing JJ Abrams, I can def see a scene where the burning wreckage of the Falcon is being raised from some ocean via the force.

  • shuura84

    Someone posted this as a leak 1 month ago… He nailed it !

    http://www.starwarsunderworld.com/2014/10/rumor-star-wars-episode-vii-villain.html?m=1

  • TapewormBike

    The…does he have a thick black dildo over his face?

  • shuura84

    Well… After the broad-lazer-sword I suppose I’m okay with that too.

  • Sully

    Better?

  • TapewormBike

    Anybody wanna bet that Lucas has a cameo there, presumably as a sleazy salesman?

  • Wizard Phoenix

    A hand guard that can cut your fucking hands doesn’t make sense.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Did anyone notice that the narrator in the trailer was not anyone in the cast? It’s wasn’t Adam Driver, Andy Serkis, or Max von Sydow. It sounded like Benedict Cumberbatch. If he is in this movie good lord I would be happy. Just based on his voice.

  • Sully

    So far he’s denying involvement. Then again, he said he wasn’t playing Khan either, so…

    Who da fuck knows?

  • Saw it and wept in anger. Nothing gets left alone in this movie. Allways something. Hopefully J.J understands these things.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    He said he’s not Doctor Strange either. You know, Benedict, I know you suck at lying so just tell us, you stupid asshole.

  • Sully
  • Wizard Phoenix

    As much as I mock the impractically of it the effect on the lightsaber is interesting. This is probably not a typically or traditional Sith lord. What remains of them are most likely building this things but scratch. I like it. Also if it’s Revan I swear to Christ I will be okay. I don’t if I would be mad or happy.

  • Sully

    __

  • Sully
  • TapewormBike

    I have to say that what intrigues me is the possibility of a stormtrooper as one of the prothagonists. Also, for all of you Chasing Amy fans out there, it seems that the whitest people in the Galaxy, deep down all want to be black.

  • Earth

    I like to think that the introduction of a black stormtrooper means they’re ignoring that stupid clone trooper crap.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • TapewormBike

    I am pretty sure half of the US people here will think that it’s a condom joke.

  • TapewormBike

    It’s as if Gillette decided to put more blades on the handle as well.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    A large figure who is evil, carrying a medieval type weapon in a snowy environment wearing dark clothing. Sounds familiar…
    http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/3/39636/1889237-the_lich_king_and_sindragosa.jpg

  • Wizard Phoenix

    That was me. We talked about also if it is Revan it would be dumb as fuck.

  • mmp

    What trailer doesn’t have a voice over nowdays?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZfs22E7JmI

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah you’re right

    http://youtu.be/tmeOjFno6Do

  • Thomas Goresen

    We already know Lobot is the protogahonist. It’s a prequel, where we find out Geordi changes his name to Lando and wears drag queen clothing. Picard puts Geordi’s visor on backwards and calls himself Lobot. But when Worf’s purple space bazooka kill Geordi/Lando, Lobot is out to “make them pay!”

  • Lional punsalot

    From this point on I refuse to acknowledge that the prequels, return of the jedi, or the coming films are anything to do with the star wars I watched as a child. There was only two films then the director, actors, crew, producers and anyone that could possibly have finished the story died in a tragic explosion.

    These other films are some weird off shoot from battlestar gallactica and fuck anyone that tries to change my mind.

  • Robby

    I saw the Star Wars: Into Darkness trailer earlier. 3/10 needs moar little kid.

  • mmp

    Thank you.

    And it’s worth mentioning that I used the new Anderson movie to illustrate that not only mainstream blockbusters, but also art house film producers are using this marketing technique to sell their shit.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Voice overs can work. It worked for all three trailers we have seen here that have it.

  • Robby

    For that close shave your thumb has always wanted.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I’m really over this paradigm that trailers have to keep fading to black and have an undertone that our eyes are privileged to feast on two continuous seconds of footage, while the editing suggests everything we know is about to change. It forces the tone to be heavier than it should and seems to kill any emotional element that could draw me beyond pure visual artistry.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    According the EU Palpatine got rid of the Clone Troopers as soon as the Clone War was over. Even the writers of the comics, games, and books thought it was stupid as well.

  • Palpatine

    That’s one thing the EU got right. I had no use for the clones since I was now that I was an all power dictator.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I doubt that. It’s clearly a douche, not a condom.

    Edit: In case anyone thinks I’m stupid, I know what Magnum ice cream bars are. I haven’t seen an ad for them in years, though.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Prior to that it will spin into the atmosphere while on fire and with a bunch of blast holes.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I knew I recognized that lightsaber design from somewhere … J.J Abrams, you hack!

    Edit: As you can see, my Photoshop skills are pretty … weak.

  • Sully

    With their ice cream commercials airing ad nauseam, I doubt it.

  • Sully

    …black smoke pouring from every smoldering hole, Chewie screaming in the background, as R2 beeps and whistles in despair.

  • Sully

    I prefer an in-film character voice over to a generic voice for hire, spouting bullshit. That’s all there was up til the mid 90s.

    “In a world [ insert bullshit here ]”

  • Lional punsalot

    I cant even begin to argue with how wrong that is.

  • Sully

    It’s just about the most common image in fantasy.
    I’m just glad the environments aren’t computer generated.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    EU got almost everything right. It’s a shame all the writers had to fix all the problems with George’s writing

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Lional punsalot

    I think what you are trying to ask is, WHATS WRONG WITH HIS FACE?

  • Sully

    I hire that guy to trim my hedges on Naboo from time to time.

  • Lional punsalot

    I didn’t realize the lost guys were writing this…now I really am sickened.

  • Lional punsalot

    *waits for someone to take this to the extreme of the entire screen being a patchwork of lasers*

  • Sully

    All is not lost. Lawrence Kasdan (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Empire Strikes Back) is co-penning the treatment with JJ.

    My hopes remain intact.

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Palpatine

    I never read the EU, so I don’t really care. In your opinion, what is the best EU related thing?

  • Lional punsalot

    And he was so hacked off after one movie, JJ said fuck it and walked away.

  • Palpatine

    Tatoonie Sand Dunes Stormtrooper.

  • Lional punsalot

    The fact george lucas didn’t write them!

  • Lional punsalot

    psst, i meant black smoke reference, that is all.

  • Sully

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • sepiajack

    Yeah who needs an unlimited army of soldiers genetically obligated to be loyal to only you, when you can pay untold imperial credits to recruit and train average citizens so that your army can now be easily infiltrated by rebel spies.

    That’s why you lost the war Palpatine!

    All joking aside though, I actually would have prefered if the prequels established that the stormtroopers are recruits, and instead of fighting a droid army, the enemy of the republic/empire was mandalorian clones. But for argument sake with what IS established in the movies maintaining the imperial clone army makes logical sense.

  • sepiajack

    I thought they were awful. Awful in a completely different way than the prequel movies are awful, but still awful nonetheless.

    This new movie looks great though 🙂

  • Hank_Henshaw

    Is he a stormtrooper? To me it looked like the suit was too small for him. Maybe it is a disguise (and you know, a throwback to Luke and Han from the first movie).

  • sepiajack

    Upon watching it again I’m 90% sure the narrator is Andy Serkis and not Cumberbatch

  • Hank_Henshaw

    another horizontal line, and you can play light-tic-tac-toe.

  • Palpatine

    Does that mean Serkis will be playing the villain and not some annoying racist stereotype? If that’s the case, then I’m all aboard with this film!

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    It’s subtle, but I’m glad the blade part was also added under the hand.

    Edit: My comment makes no sense now that the image has changed. I’ll get you back, WIZPHOOOOO!!!!

    Edit 2: Wait, maybe I was just looking at Sully’s image and got confused. Where’s my brain medicine?

  • sepiajack

    That’s his MO. he’s like one of those guys who makes a bunch of kids and then bails for a new city. He abandoned Alias to make LOST, he abandoned Lost to make M:I 3, he seemed to abandon M:I3 about 15min before the movie ended, he abandoned Star Trek for Star wars, and now he’s getting away from Star wars after 1 movie.

    He’s the dead beat dad of movie/tv producers.

    But that said I think he 100% the best possible choice to direct this new SW movie.

  • Palpatine

    Put that in the film, and the toys of it will sell like hotcakes!

  • sepiajack

    Certainly seems possible. No word on who he’s playing.

  • Sully

    And as for the cutting through the metal part, there’s this…

    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Lightsaber-resistant_materials

  • Lional punsalot

    I raise you david lynch.

  • Hank_Henshaw

    If they were to have a sith in the New Sith Council (feel free to correct me SW fans) or whatever, called Lord Plinkett… some people would lose their shit. Not a major character, just one of the background characters, like the guy carrying the ice cream machine.

  • sepiajack

    I think I read a rumor somewhere a few weeks ago that he is a stormtrooper who gets separated from his platoon and reluctantly ends up teamed up with the good guys. which seems like a cool set up to me for a new hero in the saga, not just a repeat of something we’ve already seen in films 4-3

  • Sully

    __

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Lucky guy. I would love to team up with Daisy Ridley….hold on. There are no sensual photos of her at all. Fuck! How am I suppose to get my point across now?!

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Hank_Henshaw

    Ah, ok. That makes sense too. I don’t follow SW, so I just called it as I saw it. A rogue stormtrooper was something I always thought they could go with, but I imagined more like a veteran. Sorta like Jonah Hex, still wearing the confederate uniform years after the Civil War.

  • sepiajack

    I could be completely wrong, I’m doing my best to avoid spoilers and go into this movie with no particular expectations, but I do remember reading that, and it leaped to mind as soon as I saw the trailer today.

  • Noah R.

    Yeah, it’s a bit too much these days…

  • sepiajack

    It’s because movietrailervoiceguy died a few years ago, and there was no real way to replace him

  • Sully

    There are several new females billed in SW:VII, but this girl is the one from the teaser, so I’m going to take a stab and say she’s the protagonist.

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm5397459/

  • Lional punsalot

    bravo, bravo, beuno.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Cumberbatch also said he’s not in the film in the same vain as he said he was not Khan or current he is not going to play Doctor Strange. He’s pretty bad at lying.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Just like how senators say, “I am not running for president.”

  • Sully

    This is the reason for the guards.

    http://zippy.gfycat.com/EverlastingFelineGrayfox.mp4

  • Lional punsalot

    At least this time the technology is MEANT to have advanced because time has gone FORWARDS, are you reading me Mr Lucas, when time goes BACKWARDS technology is supposed to get worse not better.

  • Palpatine

    You may not notice him, but your brain will.

  • atheistconservative

    I’m just amazed that a galaxy long ago and far away had people from Africa.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Yeah good point. If he or she is a rip off of Arthas I will destroy Abrams’ house with my hands.

  • Sully

    I can see where Lucas was coming from. What technology did we see in the originals that wasn’t either military or farming equipment? Compare a modern military hummer to a town car from the 50s. Military equipment is built for function not beauty.

  • sepiajack

    all the controls in the prequels were digital touch screens, I prefer seeing manual switches and buttons like in the originals. Also droids are waaaaay more advanced in prequels.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    By the way I want to note I am currently binging through The Clone Wars on Netflix and once more the writers and directors had to make up for shit George did. You see more dirty and gritty vehicles, droids, and environments than you do in the Prequel movies. It looks and feels like Star Wars. George, why didn’t you do this in your movies?

  • Sully

    Twenty years into a civil war, I can believe the nice shit is hard to come by.

  • Sully

    Oil & Grit = Quality Sci-Fi/Fantasy

  • Lional punsalot

    sky city, jabba the huts flying ship thing
    nabuu planet generator, undersea things

    I could go on, but thats a start.

    Dont get me wrong you make a compelling argument but I doubt that the thought ever crossed his mind.

  • RLMkeepitup

    Careful you could kill like 6 liam neesons with this at once.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Exactly. Near the end of the fifth season Jail Bait and hot bald lady I mean Ahsoka and Asajj Ventress go to the shit hole of Coruscant. It looks lived in. There are hobos, people suffering from the war, drunks are on the streets.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Frame-by-frame, that cut he left makes no sense.

    It shows the light sabre in FRONT of his hand, then it cuts it off, then it’s somehow behind his arm, then the cut is somehow nice, clean, and perpendicular to his arm, but the sabre and hand are somehow perfectly intact as they fall. That don’t make no sense. Also, wow, that’s some lazy ass CGI if you ask me.

    Not, onto point, the only way those guards would help is if the plasma parts were touching or it was made out of one of those lightsaber retardant [hehehe … dant!] materials you mentioned.

    That’s fine and dandy, but now you have plasma blades coming out the side of your lightsaber, making it more difficult to handle as you could accidentally cut yourself or cut your fingers off.

    mmp’s suggestion makes sense, except his design is a bit much. You just need something behind the plasma blade and between your hands to stop your hand from hitting it.

    Thing is, though, if there’s material that can withstand lightsaber plasma, why not just make guards out of those and avoid risking personal injury?

  • Lional punsalot

    Again, I doubt this is the actual reason that george did this. I think you put more thought into the post analysis than he ever put into any part of the prequels.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Ahh yes, Lucas, leaving it to the fans to explain his shortcomings as a writer and director.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    I’m also amazed that a galaxy long ago and far away had people. Period.

  • sepiajack

    Yeah that show is pretty solid, especially when you consider how handicapped they were by having to work within the confines of what Lucas established in the prequel movies.

  • Palpatine

    The Clone Wars was pretty damn good. You see the episode where I kicked Darth Maul ass? It sucks it got cancelled.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    On top of that I’m surprised they spoke English and that a lot of planets had advanced life, many seemingly having environments that humans could survive in [air, microbes, gravity near to that of Earth, food humans could eat, the right temperature, etc, etc.].

    It’s like it’s some sort of fantasy film dreamed up by humans who wanted to tell a story.

    Well, they aren’t fooling me!

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Well they had writers and directors from Avatar The Last Airbender. And well if you have those guys your show is sure to be gold

  • Palpatine

    I know right. It’s like it’s some kind weird genre of film. I think it’s called sigh-fi fan-ta-see.

  • Sully

    Again, what did we see in the originals compared to the prequels?

    -Jabba’s palace, the entire planet of Tatooine for that matter, remained consistently a shit hole throughout the saga.

    -In the prequels the story bounced from one planet to the next, almost all of them heavily populated: Coruscant, Naboo, etc.
    Even the ones that weren’t heavily populated (Kamino) were, by design, supposed to be highly advanced research facilities.

    -What did we see in the originals? Imperial Military Base/Moon, Rebel Base, Deserted Ice Planet, Deserted Swamp world, Primative Forest Moon; places people go when they’re trying to hide themselves or something else (i.e. second Death Star).

    -The only real place we saw (other than Tatooine) was Cloud City/ Bespin, and it was asthetically equal to Naboo imho. It even had massive generator rooms. Sure it didn’t have the fancy laser columns, but then again, it was a mining community and not a palace.

  • Sully

    The designers of the film actually mention this in one of the special features.

  • Sully

    Because looked cool to JJ, that’s why.

    Personally, if there’s anti-saber material, why not make a shield out of it, or armor for that matter?
    If you can pick someone up and throw them into a ceiling using your mind, why would you need a laser sword at all?
    Why not force crush their skull like a lemon?

    Once you start asking those questions, the can of worms runneth over.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    The cloaked person definitely looks like B Cum just from how he walked in Star Trek: Into Darkness. There’s no way that’s Serkis’ body. I also think it’s his voice as well.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Adam Driver is in it. Don’t forget that, he’s one tall mother fucker.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    Could the voice in the Star Wars trailer be Max von Sydow?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    tell that to cuba! seriously i think palpy was stealing the space bucks from the empire.

    http://youtu.be/33n-IS8a1S4

  • Sully

    I was beginning to wonder that, too. I’d forgotten he was in this movie until I was IMDBing earlier to see who the girl was in the trailer.

  • Mitchell Taco Nash

    The early bird gets the worms.
    The late bird gets more sleep and then just goes and buys a can of worms.

    Late Bird: 1
    Early Bird: 0

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    and yet again the star wars prequels only make sense when explained by people who arnt in the movie… was all of the logic removed? and the charm, excitement, likable characters….

  • U guys need to review the Star Wars 7 trailer!!!! Stat!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    because everyone knows all you get in space is Asians.

    http://youtu.be/DSRfIy6fU8c

  • Sully

    I got all of that by watching the movie. Just a basic knowledge of history reveals that the landscape/culture changes during times of war.

  • Sully

    2nd mouse gets the cheese.
    3rd mouse gets the first mouse.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    KotoR and KotoRII and…

  • Palpatine

    WHERE IS THE PLINKETT REVIEW ON THE STAR WARS EPISODE VII TRAILER?!!!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    (timidly) Return of the Jedi has some good parts… :X

  • Sully
  • sepiajack

    He is in this, but I dunno, doesn’t sound like him to me. The word ‘awaken’ sounds like Serkis’ cadence to me

  • Palpatine

    But I was the best thing from “Jedi” and the prequels!

  • sepiajack

    I’ve only seen the first few episodes of Rebels but it seems really good so far too.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    fuck giving george lucas money. i make my own.

  • Sully

    Xs go first

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    true story.

  • Sully

    I think you mean Disney.

  • sepiajack

    Well there’s nothing to say that the cloaked figure in the snow is the same person narrating the trailer. We don’t even know if the narrator is evil, could always be a Yoda type character

  • Lional punsalot

    Is it me or does discuss actually work worse now than it did before? Like totally slower in every regard??

  • sepiajack

    You were!

  • sepiajack

    Yeah I like Jedi

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    fuck walt in his frozen head! he dont need my money.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    It sounds like Cumberbatch. But it could be him or Andy Serkis or Sydow. The voice seems fitting to this weird thing

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–QK4t6I4Q–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/bz1pcg6cmx0g1mq6rm5a.jpg

  • sepiajack

    Yes, although Lucas actually owns a large portion of Disney’s stock shares, so he’s still laughing all the way to the bank

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    yep. and if you dont open and edit pics and links they wont load properly.

  • Sully

    I’ll hit refresh and get nothing. Hit it again a few minutes later, and again, nothing. Then BAM!!! 9+ notifications 2 seconds later. Disqus is bullshit.

  • Palpatine

    Wow, that is pretty damn good!

  • sepiajack

    Turn my touchpad on and off rapidly????

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its dicqusting

  • Sully

    Lucas is so fucking rich at this point, he’s not even counting anymore, let alone making trips to the bank. When he makes a withdrawal, the bank manager personally delivers the cash to his ranch.

  • Sully

    I see what you did there.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    I made the E-11 blaster that i was teasing you with the other day as well.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    B Cum… sounds like a very self-effacing porn name.

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    The Return of the Awakened New Hope?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    so you’re using the FN keys as default. thats not our problem.

  • Earth

    I’m pretty sure he’s British, like the majority of people in the Star Wars universe.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    dont write off all of Jedi just because of the ewanks. the final confrontation on the death star is the best lightsaber battle in any of the movies.
    and remember “JarJar makes the Ewocks look like fucking Shaft.”

  • Palpatine

    What does Valerie Vomit have to do with his comment?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you were delightfully unhinged. the best thing in a bad guy.

    http://youtu.be/rWEM5T67jA8

  • Mangiagli1145

    Long time RLM fan, first time poster here. I have a question about the new Star Wars movie and movies in general…why are filmmakers and film companies really secretive about certain movies? Like, what does Disney and Abrams think would happen if fans knew what the plot was? I’ve seen this done for other movies and tv shows (the series finale of Seinfeld comes to mind).

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    i hope your clone or whatever is in the new ones…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    because if people know how stupid it sounds they wont waste their money.

  • Sully
  • Wizard Phoenix

    *Tshi

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    and a lot of Kiwis and Aussies… basically if they are not a main character. they are not american.

  • Palpatine

    I suppose it doesn’t matter, “Garbage Pail Kids” is still a very lovely film to watch.

  • Thomas Goresen

    More mystery, more talk. More talk, more hype

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    cant argue with that logic.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    lost was the worst bucket of shit made it up as it went along load of “oh they are not dead… oh wait yes they are.”, fucking waste of money, shit bucket of cunting fucking piss soaked shit ever!!!! i would watch the prequels any day of the week over that weak ebola soaked shite!!!!!!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    my hope is not dead…. oh, wait. yes it is.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    This is basic marketing. In order to hype up something like Avengers, Batman v Superman, or Star Wars you need you shroud certain things in mystery. They’ve been doing this for years.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    mine is “Hmmm… Nah, MEH!!!!”

  • Sully
  • Wizard Phoenix
  • Sully
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    so the Millennium Falcons getting raped…. welcome to my childhood…

  • Wizard Phoenix
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    a “Laser Chainsword.” nice.

  • Stardog Champion

    Where would you rape the millennium falcon?

  • Sully

    In tha next round…

    “Got winners”

    http://i.imgur.com/8VBs7ho.gif

  • Stardog Champion

    Jar Jar Binks will become President of spaaaace.

  • Sully

    I’ve already revealed this, people!! In the POD PORT (AKA “DOCKING RING”)!!!

  • Sully
  • Stardog Champion

    The Thrawn trilogy is the best EU series. Admiral Thrawn is smarter then you Palpy.

  • sepiajack

    No FN is separate on my keyboard from the F key’s the only time I’ve ever had to use F5 was turn my cursorpad back on after my cat stepped on it and turned it off. the FN on mine enables secondary commands for different keys but the F keys don’t appear to have any.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    is you’re computer Russian?

  • Hank_Henshaw

    That’s right, Palpy!

  • Jennifer Elise Bunnell

    I thought there was an unusual lack of Taco this week…

  • Hank_Henshaw

    rave glow sticks!

  • Sully
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its better than the battle in the arena on geonisis.

  • Sully

    I wanna know what’s up with the random Space Invader in there?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    yeah WTF?

  • Sully

    Meanwhile on Youtube…

  • Lional punsalot

    “Im not religious”
    “you need to accept jesus or the devil will get you”

    Does not compute, compile error,

  • Lional punsalot

    I love you guys, this thread makes me moist.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    This guy lacks some Lion Brain

  • Sully
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    let me get this straight… god made the world just so he could fight to the death with satan(who he also invented.) here for ownership of our souls?… god sounds like a Manipulative Arsehole.

  • Alex Lee

    Or maybe they posted it months ago when it was titled “Rich watches the Robocop Remake.”

  • Alex Lee

    I didn’t realize there was so much talking in old trailers.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its been said officially that it is Andy Serkis.

  • Wizard Phoenix

    Source?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    that would be a great movie.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    as someone that makes and regularly uses swords i can tell you that guy is going to lose his hands…

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    In the EU there is a material that is light saber resistant called Cortosis.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    sully wins this round.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.
  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    look i have to say i think jackoff abrhams is a mediocre lazy hack. the only thing of his i really liked was Fringe, and even that was really only after he left.
    He is is better than a million michale bays. but lensflares are only art if they are IN CAMERA!!!! if you just use them because of lazy then fuck you! you overrated hack!

  • DanceOfBirther

    Yes and an ugly one at that. He’s like a tall Charles Bronson or Charles Laughton.

  • Thanatos2k

    But…uh…in the EU didn’t you end up cloning YOURSELF? Like, a whole bunch of times?

  • Thanatos2k

    Tie Fighter, the video game.

  • Thanatos2k

    Lindelof is involved!? Fuck!

  • Thanatos2k

    Like Stan Lee in a Marvel movie.

  • Thanatos2k

    Does anyone else not see the glaring flaw in the design mechanics? If it’s supposed to have a crossguard light saber to, you know, block other lightstabers, then why does the base stick out slightly before the light beam begins?

    If another light saber were to contact the main blade and slide down (as intended?) then the cross guard is going to get cut off! Who designed this crap?

  • Thanatos2k

    Yeah but from everything we’ve seen when light sabers hit each other they kind of stick together. It’s not like they’d slide down the blade like a real sword. See Luke Vader fight in Jedi where Luke steps up a few stairs while holding the light sabers together, it looks like he has to really strain to drag his saber up Vader’s a bit, indicating there’s some serious friction going on when sabers hit. Thus a cross guard is pointless.

  • Thanatos2k

    It’s the same color. The sensor obviously only detects colors.

  • Palpatine

    Alas, poor Vader!

  • TapewormBike

    Good point

  • fskn

    Oh, no. no, no… Hah, no….
    It’s just a fleshlight.

  • Can you make it louder? I would also recomend that the entire screen flashes and flickers violently so we know that it is a lightsaber. Don’t hold back.

  • atheistconservative

    Look, I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in their sky-god. But the vast majority of Christians aren’t like that at all, and I’m willing to wager money that this is a troll account.

  • fskn

    It kinda sucked, though. Except, maybe, for Darth Maul.

  • Palpatine

    Oh come on, y’all just need some of Jack’s main man Jesus in your life.

  • shuura84

    That rang a bell

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    do you believe that there is no god?

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Note: i did NOT make this one(but i will use it.)

    now i like to meme and i usually make my own(wherever possible with a pic i took.) but if you wanted to know why i might seem a bit rude sometimes, this is the most popular meme on facebook in my cuntree today…. welcome to Australia…. you cunt!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    there is only one true God. RICH EVANS!!!!!

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    then you? best not to talk about smart with typos….

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    well its clearly not X-Wing racing… cause of how they, are NOT X-Wings!!!

  • WrongWithYourFace

    How do you know that they are actually humans?

  • WrongWithYourFace

    And I believe he did say he was invited on set.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    That’s for the hairy palms.

  • WrongWithYourFace
  • WrongWithYourFace

    And remember that people don’t wear underwear in space.

    Gotta give credit to the prequels for Natalie Portman’s midriff, though.

  • Sully
  • Sully

    Except in the fight between Anakin and DooDoo, as well as the fight between Obi Wan and General I’ve Got a Grievance. A hand-guard probably would’ve saved those guys.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    “Meanwhile, on the dessert planet Tatooine…”

  • Lional punsalot

    I think i should have been born australian.

  • Lional punsalot

    The only thingsI dont like about jedi are ewoks and an unoriginal suprise death star.

  • Lional punsalot

    Are you implying ghosts? That brings a whole new meaning to the films, and to what happened to kenobi in a new hope.

  • dollar store cashier wife
  • Super Hans

    True enough. But if this Sith guy ends up using his lightsabre as if it were a broadsword then I don’t really mind the design.

  • sepiajack

    It’s a toshiba satelitte.

  • sepiajack

    But here’s a good example: destroyer droids aka droid dekas.

    This is such a superior military technology that why would the emperor ever replace them with clones? they have multiple canons, shields, and they can roll super fast. every single time the jedi came up against them they were either killed or had to retreat.

    And even within the military technology, the stuff in the prequels is so vastly superior. those clone attack ships introduced at the end of EpII that look like russian helicopters would wipe the floor with any vehicle from the original trilogy. why use imperial walkers when you have those ships??? The artists and Lucas got to caught up in trying to make everything ‘the coolest ever’ or ‘the most badass ever’ and forgot they were working on a prequel.

  • Super Hans

    Oh shit. I’m a JJ apologist already!

  • Super Hans

    I’m willing to wager money that people are actually that stupid and superstitious.

  • My ex wife
  • Joe Syxpac

    Okay, NOW it looks like a Disney movie.

    I knew something was missing.

  • My ex wife

    Frostmourne looks more cool.

  • Joe Syxpac

    I own one of those.

    It won’t chop down a tree for shit.

  • Jape

    Where is this from? The knobbly non-tumorous part of brain is throbbing.

  • Joe Syxpac

    Well, that is my brand.

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Do I really have to translate it to you? It’s SOS.

    Note: WotW #5

  • Like Icare

    Pud-racing? Across a wet surface?

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    I thought Disney was that company that made pornos.
    –Mike Stoklasa

  • WrongWithYourFace

    Where did he say that?

  • Like Icare

    Thank you very much for sharing this awesome.

    I have taken it and shared it with my people.
    They rejoiced verily and have awarded me with praises and with many a thumb-up and “like”.
    That joy shall keep them warm through the cold winter nights ahead, when we hide in our abodes from the night and the cold and the wolf and the shewolf and the spirits of the forest and the swamp which claim old men and child alike.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    Can’t remember off the top of my head, but Jay brings up Disney buying Star Wars, and Mike responds with that in a HiTB. I’ll look in a little bit to verify.

  • Jason Ross

    looks like my bachelor party.

  • RLMkeepitup

    You are the RLM quotiepedia at this point. It’s God’s work.

  • RLMkeepitup

    I sure hope they tape a bunch of behind the scenes for the new Star Wars. That stuff could come in real handy if anyone were to make a 3 hour review of it someday.

  • Domo_Konnichiwa

    “Disney? Really? Isn’t that the company that makes pornos for children?” was from the HiTB Skyfall review.

  • Chris

    This is disgusting how dare you subject children to Rich Evans

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    you had better be dead. your missing the fun. if your dead i dont feel bad about your missing it. but if your alive you missed a Plinket and a rich evans post!!!!

    and if you are dead…

    http://youtu.be/SPBGZRRrEKM

  • Lional punsalot

    not dead, i will catch up at some pont please forgive me but real life has taken over for the time being.

  • Craig

    And two more young lives are ruined.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    its gonna be great.

  • the corpse of Andrew Thompson.

    Rich Evans is a GOD and children everywhere would be enRiched by the experience.

  • Disqus Dikus

    These jokes suck and they make me want to kill myself. Can I go now?

  • maggit

    Kids react to Rich Evans.

  • I found over 2,000 funny jokes that are kid safe! And Funny! http://www.jokewagon.com/

  • My son loves this book. We get a lot of laughs at http://www.jokewagon.com/ too. The hidden answers make the jokes more funny!

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